dyerink · 1 day ago
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I’ve been thinking about the gojo one eye theory a lot, because I know people noticed that pattern and thought it would signify a comeback or something, but I’ve been rewatching jjk and there’s actually a lot of interesting eye imagery that I think actually shows how the one eye theory is correct the other way and actually foreshadows his death!
this is very half baked but:
first off, only one of gakuganji’s eyes are shown when he threatens/reprimands gojo, his left one specifically which is the same as all the gojo art. gakuganji is the first (and only?) higher up introduced and the first thhing we learn about the higher ups is that they’re too stuck to the past and tradition. I think it’s also pretty notable that he uses the phrase “young man” here, like that distinction again.
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the next important eye moment is with junpei, when he’s talking about love and indifference with mahito. his hair already covers his right eye, but his hand actually moves up to cover it further when he says that he’s choosing indifference over love. the main theme of jjk is pretty much about the power of love/personal bonds causing change, and it seems like there’s a pretty 1:1 foreshadowing of junpei’s ultimate death because he’s choosing not to progress with those important to him here, at least philosophically
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on the other hand, once he dies, yuji sort of snaps and he vows to kill mahito. This is the drawing used for that declaration:
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unlike everyone so far, only his right eye shows! this scene is very much about him avenging a friend who he cares about, instead of his regular philosophy of indiscriminate saving, which again follows that logic of showing who’s moving forward in the story and who’s staying behind and how that’s pretty directly tied into their outlook on life and love.
Then there’s gojo.
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arguably, gojo also operates under a personal emotion led philosophy (see also: him saving yuji because megumi asked). for him though, i think his left eye is shown because he was never supposed to continue into the new jujutsu world. despite what he believes and teaches his students, he’s The Strongest, a title which is very much a vestige of the higher ups beliefs. His entire position in the world is a symbol of jujutsu tradition, and for his students to surpass him and live on with the principles he instilled in him, he had to be left behind with everything else.
couple other maybe related things? spoiler maybe, but in the last chapter sukuna reflects on his beliefs and explains that he’s at a crossroads.
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he ends up choosing the path with uruame, which also happens to be the path of self reflection and change instead of the path that signifies being stuck in the past and in one’s incorrect beliefs. And of course, the path with uruame is on the right.
Ok last thing.
I’m not sure if this is related at all, but when nanami is thinking about his life in the airport with gojo/geto/haibara, he says this about mei’s advice to him:
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idk if this is a reach because I’m not sure how intuitively south is associated with left and north with right, but if it is I think it pretty much is the thesis of all the eye imagery, where starting anew means adopting a less external rules-based outlook on life and finding meaning in personal relationships and genuine love for people.
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shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 14 hours ago
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CB FANFIC
First fanfic ever short tho 😔👊
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UNO
(They are playing stacking numbers and draw until you get the right card or number. This takes place after Buddy meets Chase in irl. Order Prunella, Chase, Buddy, Deacon)
“UNO!!!” Prunella yelled out
“HEY YOUR CHEATING!!!” Chase called out
“What how??!!!” Prunella replied
“YOU WON 2 ROUNDS ALREADY!!! IF 3 GROWN ADULTS LOOSE AGAINST A KID 3 TIMES IT MEANS THE CHILD IS CHEATING”
“THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!”
“Uh- Yuh huh it makes sense like- what’s the property-“
“-Its probability” Deacon chimed in
“Yeah, yeah shut up Dorkin- so what’s the probability of a kid winning a game against adults 3 times in a row???”
“I think you’re just mad that I only have 1 card left and I two+ you.” She said with a bratty tone.
“Ugh! DEACON. BUDDY. We can NOT let her win again!”
Buddy rolled his eyes “just draw two cards already~” he said in a dragging his words.
Chase grabbed the two cards and Buddy put down a yellow. When it was Deacons turn he stacked a few numbers and kept the color yellow.
“DARN IT DEACON WHY DIDNT YOU CHANGE THE COLOR???” Prunella shouted
Prunella started to draw some cards but unfortunately she didn’t draw any yellow cards (or good cards) until her hands had 8 cards in total.
Chase had 5 cards in his hand, Buddy had 5 and Deacon had 6 cards.
Chase place down three cards down that had the same number and kept the color yellow. Then he put a smirk on his face knowing that Prunella doesn’t have this color. Buddy placed another yellow card and Deacon reversed it back to Buddy.
Oh? Buddy thought. As much as he loves Chase’s bickering with prunella, he wanted to get his attention too. Right now Chase’s attention was to get Prunella to loose but what about Buddy? Buddy wanted to bicker with Chase too.
He put down a 2 two+ and he changed the color to blue. (The first 2+ was yellow but the other one was blue so Chase got 4+ cards)
“W-WHAT??? BUDDY I THOUGHT WE WERE TRYING TO TEAM UP ON PRUNELLA!!! Also I called out that I didn’t have any 2+ cards in the beginning of the round WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS???”
“Um Prunella’s already loosing tho-“ Deacon tried to explain.
“DEACON THIS IS NOT BETWEEN ME AND YOU!!! ITS BETWEEN ME AND BUDDY”
“Honestly why would you call out you have no 2+ cards in the start of the round.” Buddy smirks at the frustrated smaller person.
Chase grabbed his 4 extra cards while staring at buddy in betrayal.
“Oh why thank you buddy!! Here I’m going to reverse it just so you can have another turn!” Prunella said sweetly.
“Oh why thank you Prunella!” Buddy responded
Chase put down 2 cards with the same number and the color changed to red.
Buddy didn’t have any red but after drawing 2 card he had a red reverse.
“Oh! A reverse! For you Prunella” Buddy returned the favor back
“W-wait when am I going to play” Deacon stuttered on his words a bit but it hasn’t been his turn for awhile.
“ I wish I didn’t reversed it to Buddy” Deacon sighed
Chase put down a red card then Prunella puts down a skip turn card to Deacon.
“OH COME ON PRUNELLA!!” Deacon shouted
“Oh prunella thank you once again” Buddy said is a cocky way
“See Deacon! That child is Eeevvviilllllll~ ALSO WHATS UP WITH YOU AND PRUNELLA, BUDDY!!! Are yall teaming???”
“Oh it was just a small partnership” Buddy placed down 2 cards.
“AH- HHAAAAA UNO NOW ITS GREEN!!!” Chased called out. He placed down 2 cards, one was a red 6 and the other was a green one.
“Oh, I don’t have anything deacon! I already wasted it on Chase!!!” Prunella exclaimed
“Don’t ask me kid- I got the sucky cards”. Deacon sighed
“It’s fine I got a wild 4+ card- I was saving it” Buddy proudly said.
“Ok then…” Prunella said as she puts down a green skip turn card.
“REALLY PRUNELLA???” Deacon shouted
Chase poked Buddy and asked “Wait what’s the other card you have besides a 4+?”
“Why should I tell you???”
“Because your gonna make me loose to a 5 year old”
“ HEY IM 8 CHASE!!! I. AM. 8.” Prunella fumed
“I have a green but I’m not gonna put it down cause I know your last card is that color” Buddy said with his usual purr at the end of his voice.
“Come on Buddy!!! Chase is just stalling at this point” Deacon assured
“Why can’t you put the green down babe?” Chase said tugging on buddy’s shirt a little
“W-wait what?” Buddy stuttered
“Pumpkin??” Chase tilted his head toward Buddy “Sweetheart???”
“Oh- this is so cringe” Prunella said looking away
“Buddy Wuddy???” Chase started to scoot a bit closer to Buddy while he tried to back away.
“Oh come on Prunella! Buddy’s not gonna fall for tha-“
“UNO OUT!!!!” Chase screamed
Buddy brought his knees up to cover his red face.
“WAIT WHAT?” Deacon questioned
“And yet you accused ME of cheating” Prunella leaned back throwing her cards up in the air
“OH YEAH!!! CHASE HOLLOW LIKE AND FOLLOW!!! BEST UNO PLAYER!” Chase bragged.
“Yeah- Prunella’s right you even accused me of cheating too and yet your here seducing Buddy like it’s not a form of cheating” Deacon crossed his arms
“UH DEACON- on the first round you literally stacked colors like- dude- who does that!!! That’s so cheating -actually its the cheatingest thing I ever witnessed!!!” Chase defended
“ SOME PEOPLE DO THAT OK CHASE???”
“People with no sense of mind” Chase scoffed
“YOU SEDUCED BUDDY!! HOW IS THAT NOT CHEATING???”
“ERM SEDUCING IS A FORM OF ART NOT A FORM OF CHEATING BESIDES ITS OK TO SEDUCE BUDDY HE’S MY BOYFRI-“
Buddy pulled on chases hood “Can we stop talking about how that brat seduced me!?” He tried to sound as menacing as possible while looking down at his feet.
*Sigh* “Their hopeless ” Prunella muttered
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raindropren · 2 days ago
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Some Hermit(+rats) sketches(+Plus the rambles I'm required to write about them)!
going from the ones I like the most to the ones that look more like doodles then sketches lolsie
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A Joel! I wanted to try my hand at a S!10 Joel! I've been watching him for quite abit now and He's become one of my favorite hermits(an unsurprisingly long list ngl) :3 Also I found the Animator PerryRata a bit ago and I love how skrunkly they draw everyone, especially Joel, lol. I also have a ton of Joel headcanons from back during empires! He's made of clay and he can form his own body like you would a clay sculpture :D It's my headcanon for why his physical body changes without the use of outside "mods" He's also just a funky silly guy, and I really like how I drew this. Also the tanuki headcanons really fun, to me it's more, raccoon, but it can be either at this point :P
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A Jevin! I'll admit I haven't watched him much, but I really wanted to try my hand at drawing a slime character who actually,,, like,,, looks like slime,,, instead of,,, really human with slime bits, lol. I also had a certain body type in mind so ya! I have few headcanons for him but I've thought alittle about how his slime body would work in my AU, so that's fun!
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A Non-Hermit! A Garbage Rat Oli! Specifically season 2 Rats tho, lol! I very clearly just wanted to try my hand at drawing a rat on two legs, Garbage's very all over the place in the sketch. The lines are messy and that was kinda on purpose(Garbage whole look and personality is messy and I wanted to kinda,,, feel that in the art and design,, lol) also I was completely going from memory at some points :p
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A non-hermit! A Rat Shubble! I don't remember what her like, thing was(like the titles most rats seem to have) but I do know she's lovely and I missed her. I was at my sister house, taking a break from craving pumpkins, and thought about the fact that Oli thought she,,, turned into,, a pumpkin, so I decided to draw her lol! I was trying to keep her cuter then Oli, alittle more put together, and I think I conveyed that at least alittle bit, :3 (also her outfits are so easy, Shubble please never change your outfits from the sweater + overall combo, Complicated outfits are my downfall LOL /lh)
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A Etho! This was probably one of the better Etho sketches I did while trying to figure out what the hell his design's deal was ;w; I was having a very hard time but I think the eyes saved it on this one, it looks cute compared to some others! lol! also I gave him a little braid for no reason other then "cute!" lolsie
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A second Joel! Secret life specially! I just wanted to draw him in a hoodie, I like drawing hoodies :] I'll make a slightly more complicated design later, but I like how he's just, in a hoodie, that season lol
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A second Jevin! Frogger time!!! :O It's Jevin in that frog costume(drawn from memory instead of actually looking so it probably looks really wrong lol) I just really wanted to draw him again :]
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A Gem! I was drawing newer peeps so I drew gem as like, a easier thing to doodle :'3 Also I had forgotten her hair buns in past sketches,,, oops
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A Pearl! This ones much older than the others(as in, It's on the same page as the meme's with Pearl and Tim Drake lol), I just didn't find it good enough to post sadly ;w; It's a first try at Postmaster Pearl, from memory of course xP She's very cute but I don't think I tried even slightly on this one. you can tell cause I forgot a surprising amount.
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and, Lastly, two more Etho's! I think these are cute, I'm just not proud of them at all, might not even look like Etho! but I still like them more then some of the others on that page,,,, They're silly, but not very good ;w;
Welp! That's it! I've been basically collecting my mcyt doodles to post, cause I don't deem a sketch or two alone, good enough to post :'] A hand full amount of doodles is enough for me tho, lol.
I'm real glad I've been expanding the number of hermits i've drawn tho! Yippeee!!
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canisalbus · 18 days ago
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So i remember an ask mentioning your mortal enemy, Felis Atra and their cats, and i thought it'd be fun to draw what Felis Atra's version of your italian dogs would be.
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I think they would be called Butter Knife and Flamengo! Butter Knife is not his real name, it's an nickname given by his peers because of how harmless he is. I choose Flamengo because that's the name of Vasco's rival football team here in Brazil, so i thought that was the perfect name :)
Cat Machete was slightly inspired by the Oriental Shorthair cat because of their long noses and thin head shape.
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Cat Vasco was inspired by the Scottish Fold cat, because FLOPPY EARS. I gave Flamengo longer ears and orange fur to make him more like his look-alike.
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The last doodle is a reference to this ask (https://canisalbus.tumblr.com/post/728923918314946560/me-i-am-machete-ear-fan-number-1-those-ears) and contains the tumblr ask stand-in dog, whose cat version was inspired by the American Curl cat! They have round ears that are slightly floppy outwards.
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Final notes: I know cardinal clothes don't come in vibrant blue, but i was ADAMANT on switching Machete's and Vasco's clothing color patterns. I would draw the rest of Butter Knife's and Flamengo's clothes, but i suck at designing cool outfits.
Speaking of outfits, for Machete's iconic void outfit, i figured it would be fun to make it more baggy for Butter Knife, in contrast to Machete's, that looks very tight-fitted. I think it's cute, it kinda looks like a sweater. Also i can't imagine a Machete doppelganger without high heels boots, so those HAD to stay.
Oh, and just to be clear, i'm not like, claiming ownership of these guys or anything. I just thought it would be a fun exercise. Hope you like them!! I love your art and your characters.
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#imagine if Vaschete but CATS and REVERSED -> Butter knife ;_; and Flamengo <3#this ask is from last year and I'm sorry I've allowed it sit in my inbox for so long ´m`#but I've been thinking about it intermittedly#the context was that someone said that somewhere out there existed my mortal enemy (felis atra = black/dark cat)#and they had frenzied cat ocs instead of melancholic dogs#first of all they both look so darling I'm getting radiation poisoning just from looking at them aaaaaa#and the fact you put so much thought and effort into this concept is making me go absolutely rabid#extremely strange seeing Machete with big pupils and Vasco with tiny pinpoints#Butter knife purring like a fluffy jackhammer is instant serotonin I love him#and yes if you turned Machete to a cat he'd probably be something resembling an oriental shorthair#especially one of those really exaggerated ones with giant bat ears and roman nose#and I keep visualizing Vasco as a scottish fold as well but it's kind of giving me sad bad feels personally#I can't look past their painful and debilitating health issues#the same mutation that causes the floppy ears also destroys the cartilage in their joints#it's such a shame because they're a terribly cute and charming breed#and in this case they really do have those similar rounded friendly shapes that Vasco does#if I ever draw them as cats myself I'll probably have to think of some other breed for him even though it would be such a perfect fit#also I think it's funny how you can swap everything else but Machete's heels have to stay :'> don't separate the crinkle and his boots#thank you so much! this was such a cool ask to receive I love how you designed their cat forms#gift art#dingergum#Machete#Vasco#own characters#Vaschete scenarios
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lord-westley · 9 months ago
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Whenever there are no customers and no tasks to complete, i leave behind drawings everywhere at work
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yo-yo-yoshiko · 6 months ago
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His insurance premiums must be outrageous.
And pencils and inks!
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cosmocove · 30 days ago
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much ado about pleasure
#bonk.png#undescribed#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatec#iwatex#exocolonist#iwatex spoilers#iwatec spoilers#<- very vaguely in the art#hi i havent drawn stuff for exocolonist in a year n played it in two but been thinking about sol again v-v#lyrics from n obviously a redraw of real end of hatsune miku#sym was a fucking nightmare to drawn bc of how simplistic my style is while tammy was a lot easier bc she has more traits i draw normally#fun detail is that i basically drew sym n tammy's mouth n eyes the same way of like erasing a bit to make them look fuller/softer#anyway thoughts drew this bc whenever i personally think n play around with sol its almost exclusively when theyve been in the loop for so#long that they fundamentally cant separate themself from it or their other lives but the suffering caused by it has looped around#so theyre basically a normal functioning person outside of stuff directly related to the loop n a few things#n then like. they gotta be fucking weird about tammy n sym right? like sym for more obviously reasons cosmically linked whatever#but commonalities are 1. the only characters you cant lose affection with/2. always love sol no matter what#3. generally very positive sweethearts n 4. You Have To Watch Them Die At Least Once#so i think sol would be fucking weird about both of them like hating urself bc u unintentionally caused the deaths of everyone you care abou#t? dw! these two pink bitches (i know sym is purple) love you no matter what!!#very intentional that tammy is her child design her but sol's their teen design just bc thats my fav look of theirs#one last thing its more visible here but the way i draw sol's eyes is that their irises go over their lower lid i do this bc it looks weird
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moeblob · 5 months ago
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You know, sometimes you just play an otome and go "that's my son" and then he's the mom of the group. It just happens like that sometimes.
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puppyeared · 6 months ago
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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that-gay-guy-from-hell · 3 months ago
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So I always get disappointed when people dont add body hair to characters who should have it, however, after spending 30 mins adding hair to some Rust doodles/sketches, I 100% understand why people skip it cause my hand is fucking cramping lmao
(/silly + /lh)
TLT MASTERLIST
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skitskatdacat63 · 10 months ago
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@lesharl-eclair here is the vettonso timeline I mentioned at some point!! I was gonna make a more refined version but ah, the original is fine so I'm posting it for you <3
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Its written so its as if their careers began at the same time. There's obviously some parts where they deviate from each other(I blame Fernando), but they're pretty similar, no??
Here's some notes I have:
They both started at technically the same team(if you ignore that Seb raced one race for Sauber): Minardi/STR. And they spent 3 seasons either racing for that team or testing(Fernando for Renault, Seb for BMW teams), before being promoted to the team where they won their respective WDCS.
They both spent six seasons with their WDC team. And both won their WDCs using Renault engines. Both were pretty much the golden boys of their teams, beloved by their team principal and team in general. Unfortunately both aren't consecutive because Fernando tried out McLaren lol.
They spent a similar amount of years at Ferrari(five and six respectively.) Neither could win a WDC with Ferrai(😔) And both joined Ferrari in a very similar way. When Fernando joined, he ousted Kimi and it was very uncertain where Kimi was going. I think the commentators in 2009 predicted McLaren? (But he ended up taking a sabbatical obv.) But pretty messy, right? The literal same exact thing happened with Fernando and Seb in 2014-2015. They finally announced at the end of the season, even though it was pretty obvious, that Seb would be replacing Fernando. And where did Fernando go? McLaren! The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself. I guess I find it funny that Fernando replaced his former rival under somewhat messy circumstances, only for his other rival to do the exact same thing to him years later.
Okay McHonda and Alpine blah blah blah. Anyways they're probably going to have both end up competing their careers after two years with Aston Martin. This honestly is my favorite parallel. Because it's very sweet to me that Seb replaced Fernando, in an aforementioned messy way, only for Fernando to take Seb's seat in a very peaceful, almost "passing the torch" type exchange 🥰
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Me: *goes back to screw videos to remember sth for inspo*
My brain: 15% paying attention to what I am actually looking for in the video, 85% staring at Kazuki.
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midnightdemonhunter · 2 years ago
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A LIFE IN REPRISES
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crystalpallette · 2 months ago
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the fact that rafisol is weak to ally's puppy eyes is crucial information. sega please port puzzle pop so I can have this information forever thanks
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boygirlctommy · 4 months ago
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i madeeee sillay new characters and i love them
#my post#will post drawings tomorrow. tired.#BUT!! there are superheroes and this sillay. honestly very minor criminal. villain of the week type guy. but she never gets caught so she#just keeps coming back to cause problems. her name is bonnie and shes a shapeshifter and i love her. but anyways one day shes fighting thes#guys and falls off a bridge. now this is not actually an issue for her bcus she can simply Have Wings if she wants to. but she chooses to#use this to fake her death bcus shes tired of these guys and wants to try to take them down from the inside.#so she returns under the name lyra and becomes like a sidekick to them. only she is absolutely shocked to discover that the one hero- real#name oslo- has been MOURNING HER??? apparently they feel terrible for causing her 'death' and never truly hated her and are wracked with#guilt about it???? bonnie does not know how to feel about this it is incredibly weird actually.#the other hero is named merrick and she does not give a shit she thought bonnie was annoying as hell. unfortunately for her 'lyra' also#just so happens to enjoy annoying her to hell and back. yay.#also oslo n merrick have day jobs as office workers for a Large and Productive cheesecake corporation.#i couldnt think of what to make their company do so i made it very serious paperwork about cheesecakes#i think lyra would be like. idk. janitor. or delivery person.#OH DID I MENTION THEYRE ALL ANIMALS. i wanted to draw animals is the reason why#oh oh oh the NAMES the NAMES#so weve got bonnie goose the mongoose. bonnie bcus i wanted to base it on mongoose> mon goose> monnie goose> bonnie goose#lyra reeves the . dog of unspecified breed so far. maybe scottish terrier or schnauzer. i like their rectangular heads. shes a dog bcus i#thought itd be funny to take a Loyal animal and make her betray them lol. also lyra is a constellation of a lyre > rhymes with liar.#and reeves is from lyre > orpheus > reeve c.arney lol#merrick wolfe the maned wolf :3 i dont have anything deeper on this one its just m and then wolf. however her superhero name is red fox#which i think is funny. she has fire powers.#and oslo stone :] large bear. idk what kind ill probably be boring and just make em a brown bear. in my heart shes a black bear but brown#is easier to color. um um erm oslo bcus it is one letter off from oso which is bear in spanish. stone bcus i liked how it sounded also her#superhero name is boulder and she has superstrength lol#thats all of em so far :3 its so fun and sillay and i love themmmm#i love drawing merrick the most
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cherriko-art · 7 months ago
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I just want to thank the Tumblr community from the bottom of my heart for helping me find joy in drawing again. For helping me find art a little less scary with every comment I get. And to remind people, once again, how much of an impact positive engagement has for creators, no matter how small or big.
Long, midnight ramble on my struggles with art below.
Late night thoughts, but lately my motivation for drawing has been rekindled as a way to release the brain rot on the fandoms and games I've loved recently. I lost my love for art for a really, really long time and for someone who's been drawing since I could pick up a pencil, and has identified as an artist my entire life, literally witnessing myself lose my love for art and drawing has been a really painful process. Especially since it happened over a relatively short period of time. Over 20 years of loving and creating art, only to be extinguished in just a small period of 2 years. When I came to a sudden realization that I hated drawing, I mourned over it for a really long time. I missed the joy I got from drawing, the pride in my art, the passion to learn and hone my skills. I used to think I could never imagine a future where I wasn't constantly thinking about the next thing I wanted to draw, but now I am living that future. Art is never on my mind anymore. I try to draw and I become filled with anxiety and dread. There's not a single thought about picking up my pencil and creating. The only things I had drawn in the last 4 years were for zines and it felt like work, not joy. Drawing felt like a job, and it stopped being the center of my universe. I stopped being active on social media, bc I was only on here for art. But even looking at other people's art left a bitter taste, and I didn't want to look at any of it anymore. Several times over the last few years I've tried to rekindle my love for art, tried starting small again. But it always fizzled out quickly, and I'd abandon it again. Sometimes I scroll through my Instagram and it hurts to look at, because I distinctly remember how much joy I got from drawing every single piece, what my thought process was, and how excited I felt in creating. It's been so long since I've felt happiness in drawing.
Lately, I've drawn some things bc my emotions for the brain rots in my head were Too Big and I couldn't think of releasing these big emotions in anything other than what I know. In art. I just drew something, didn't think too hard abt it, and posted them. Like barfing your overwhelming feelings on paper then throwing it away. But the engagement I've gotten on these emotional-dump drawings have been so wonderful, no matter how small or big, and it's made me so happy. Very specifically from Tumblr. Tumblr has reminded me what it's like to actually interact with fandoms again. Instagram/Twitter/etc has become such a competitive platform for content creators, that any sense of (the minimal) community and fandom interactions have been completely wiped out. But Tumblr has stayed true to it's roots through all these years and never have I been more grateful.
For the first time in years, I'm excited to draw again. I actually want to draw. I finished multiple drawings in the last 2 weeks, more than I have in years. Instead of feeling numb and exhausted after drawing like I had been, I'm actually filled with adrenaline and excitement to draw more. I'm excited to participate in fandoms again, engage in communities. This is all because other people's positive engagements on my little drawings have motivated me to draw more.
Drawing has become a very daunting, anxiety-filled, unpleasant experience for me. I lost my love for art years ago. But the positive engagement in my recent art has pushed away some of that anxiety, and it's becoming increasingly easier for me to pick up that pencil again. Drawing is starting to feel fun again. I don't know how long this will last, if it will fizzle out like it has time and time again. I don't know if art will turn back into the Big, Bad Monster again. But for now, I'm just relishing in the feeling of art feeling like freedom again. And I have the Tumblr community to thank for that.
So for everyone on here, thank you.
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