#to a brighter future

[genstart]

My Name Sake & More(Long)

I'm here and back at it again! Physically I’m not laughing but mentally I am. I’m smiling and happy in this moment of typing too. I’m back on here trying(edit: doing.) again, my name sake. Leaving and starting over and that’s all right. Funnily enough I’m 32 now. In my first post I was 29 and mentioned how my brain thought/kept saying I was 32. Lol my body def knows before me.

I’m still in the same relationship even though in a previous post I thought it wouldn’t work. Multilple times during it, I didn’t think it was going to work out. Yet here I still am trudging through. At times recently I wonder if it will work out but that’s alright. There’s going to be doubt so I’ll try to enjoy the good moments while I can even though it’s really hard to with the kind of person I am.

A lot of stuff happened since my last post and I don’t know how things will turn out but I have faith that it will turn out for there better. I’ve become more religious since my first post thanks to the person I’m with. Not because they are but because I got high with them on an edibles. Hey, I’m a person too. We def don’t do it often since it’s the only thing that works on me and at times it makes me feel like I’m dying. I don’t like that feeling. Other times I have terrible deja vu so it’s not a good trip and on the rare occasion I’m sleepy or really sexual with them so it’s a good trip. So maybe 10 or so times? Either way, I don’t want to or plan to do it any more. Even if I do want to get closer to God while doing it.

I haven't gotten a violin, still working on figuring out my feelings, still working on finding out what I want to do in life, the career I want, and I finally got a therapist. Yay me! I’m also a bit happier and more at peace as well. That only happened in the past 10 months, spaced well out. Not all at once. Feeling happier and more at peace when I became more religious as well. Yet even so, my depression is still there. I’m not magically fixed but I am getting better. From previous post to now, I’m not afraid to apply for jobs any more. Be I’m qualified or not.

(In the DMV area I’m looking for entry level IT and Office Administration that can get me in the door for IT. I was A+ certified but it expired in 2017. Definitely willing to learn.)

Since my first post I have realized starting over isn’t bad even though it seems hard for me to do at times. It’s just a new start and I don’t like endings. Yet the new start has an ending as well and who knows, starting a new journey may not be so hard, or maybe it’s already begun. I’ve just got to be more positive about it. It’s one thing I noticed and realized about myself. I'm not as positive as I like to think I am. So I have to work on that as well and constantly remind myself if I can. So I took steps back but here I am today starting a new journey even if it’s the same one. I ended something so I can get better and be here today. I haven’t given up. Great job 29 year old me for making this blog!!!! YYYEEEAAAHHH~!!!!!! I’M PROUD OF YOU!!!

I think the lecture I was supposed to do was an IT lecture, which I did!!! Just a bunch of IT videos I have to watch. I still haven’t figured out how to balance work, free time, school, and people. Double since I only had a part time when I last posted and quit(it was a toxic work place). It’s def going to be different with a full time job. Yet I’m not too worried. Double since I still stopped doing games in my free time to focus on job hunting, studying, religion, and me.

Like? I love the person I was talking to since I’m in a relationship with them now. It has 100% had its ups and downs. Yet through it and religion, I learned what love is and means. That there’s going to be more bad than good times and I honestly have to get over myself. I didn’t learn what it all means or was thanks to them but through religion. That I seriously have to get over myself in order to love. I can’t properly love someone if I’m always focused on myself and have one foot out of the relationship. It’s hard. Extremely hard. Double since I want to be better and grow. It is not in my self interest to be hurt or anything bad. Yet sadly that comes with being in a relationship and I had to get over it. The same happens in religion, we get over ourselves to do and be better for something else. It’s not easy and we’re not perfect. It applies to a lot of things honestly. Life repeats itself in many ways and forms and religion taught me that as well.

I’m not in an abusive relationship but it is a drain mentally and emotionally. Hurt people hurt people after all. Double if they don’t get over themselves. My partner still carries the hurt and pain from their traumas and so do I. We take it out on each other in different ways and of course it’s not a good thing. Yet no one is perfect and we’re both growing. We’re both afraid as well. We’re afraid of the hurt and pain the other might cause us and that we’ll leave each other. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Yet with religion, I got over myself and being afraid of being hurt. Don’t get me wrong, it still sucks and hurts at times. Very much so since it’s frustrating and I don’t want to suffer. Yet you know who suffered for out dumb butts? Jesus did. He was killed for us. I am not going through nearly a much as that so why can’t I suffer a bit for the person I love? Life will not always be sunshine and rainbows. Life sucks and we make the best of it. I just have to navigate the bad times, which involves me appreciating the good times. So when I have a good moment, I have to recognize it and not be apologetic for seemingly enjoying it too much. I have to enjoy it as much as I can since tomorrow isn’t promised. It’s not promised, just like good moments aren’t either. Not just with them but life period. Adulthood sucks. Why would I want to work until I can’t. Not everyone can be super rich to where they don’t have to work.

I still don’t have things to really connect with. I get tired of my usual for connection, I want to expand more. Yet I’m not social. My partner is and I love that about them so much. They’re basically everything I’m not/want to be and I love it. I know some people dislike others since they’re what they’re not but I’m the opposite. I think my partner’s on that side of things actually... I should ask...  Yet that’s all for this post. I MIGHT queue something yet we’ll see.

I don’t think I found that cookbook either... Yet my partner can cook so I don’t really need it right now! Their food is so yummy! Good job me. I’m proud of you. You want to cry as you write this and it’s alright to do so. Don’t forget to be nicer to yourself. It’s actually been helpful. I’m proud that you’ve come so far and look forward to seeing how much you’ve grown in later years since typing this. Double since you’re starting to look forward to stuff in your future, a future period, and new things about you. So keep going. - Fri Jun 30 2023

P.S You were in the library while he was at work. I’m proud of you for crying.

[thebreakfastgenie]

Six months from now I want Clarence Thomas to drop dead and Kamala Harris's nomination to replace him to be immediately confirmed by the senate.

[mayasaura]

Ten years later, I'm still in awe of what the BBC show Merlin managed to pull off. It's a silly show. It's cheesy, over the top fantasy full of dumb gags and physical comedy. It's the most compelling tragedy I've ever experienced

[ruporas]

hugs hugs hugs (ID in alt)

[acekazoo]

nhl players as textposts.. again

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In Regards To Your 2024 Summary:

Holy shit it’s been another year????? The hell?????

Also! Your art style is gorgeous and that being found in 2023 and then refined throughout late 2023 and the entirety of 2024 really shows, as does your growth in panel layouts, perspective, and — as you said — experimentation. If you ever post your animation or video game art I’m looking forward to it.

As cheesy as it sounds, being able to laugh at funny comics and look at all the details of your art really made my 2024 brighter, even when things were hard. Including looking at your older art— it doesn’t need to be new to be enjoyable! I’m glad your art is well loved and it’s a privilege to have been here since the (near) beginning. I hope you take care of yourself in 2025 and beyond!

You and your art bring a lot of people a lot of joy never forget that <3

Thank you so much for keeping up with my art journey throughout these last two years! Two years!!! I am baffled at how that feels both too long and too short!

Admittedly, my art summary didn't manage to capture the fact that I did a lot of comic layouts that I'm really proud of. I also drew more backgrounds and made some very detailed works (*Dungeon Meshi spoilers for these examples*).

The growth is lot more evident when comparing my 'best' comics of 2023 to 2024:

Sometimes the growth is vertical, sometimes it is horizontal - and damn, sometimes it goes out of sight into the Z-plane. But it is always happening!

[jackfuckingtwist]

— Hooters the Owl fixes you with a stare. You heading down there?

[seeminglydark]

✨Forget what happened yesterday

I know that better things are on their way

Accept your life and what it brings

I hope tomorrow you find better things✨

Better things-the kinks

Last art of the year, goodbye 2023. A little Angel to see you out.

[impending-day]

you've become the villain, haven't you?

are you also a super superhero?

[a-stars-art-blog]

I think about them too much. Exhibit Z

[missfiorear]

Hello, doodle of my Ludwig design. I have a headcanon that Ludwig sleeps with his sword.

Also, My idea was to give him long hair and a ponytail, but when I saw other artists' designs of Ludwig, I panicked and decided to take inspiration from Beethoven. 💀

Sorry for breathing the same air.

[mr-mistyeyed]

are you doing good? did you solve all of your problems?

thanks for asking.. in a way. but accidentally uncovered a new one yesterday.

[wikiipediabf]

these pictures are killing me lmao grandpa does not know what a dolphin is apparently

[raayllum]

My brother... How can I ever forgive him? / I'll never forgive him!

[pokemon-npcs]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In the same way that this blog has given you something to hold on to and look forward to, seeing these comics has given me something to hold on to and look forward to in some bleak times too. Thank you for sharing your art and your journey and your commentary and your jokes. They mean a lot to me and I’m certainly not the only one. Keep “”””””poorly”””””” drawing <3

Thank you so much for joining me on this journey of trying to get by, and learning to stay silly and hopeful.