#to be fair the dentist was a good call i need to go to the dentist more

[lovsome]

i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested

[chvoswxtch]

lucky

pairing: matt murdock x fem!reader

summary: matt finally gets to take out the girl that's been leaving care packages at his door for two months.

warnings: swearing, slight angst, tooth rotting fluff (might need to call your dentist after this one)

word count: 3k

a/n: the highly requested fluffy sequel to care packages. thank you to everyone that requested this. i hope you enjoy your first date with matty. ❤️ as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

[part one]

“I hate you, you know that?”

Matt nearly spit out his coffee as he lurched over the conference table slightly, forcing the lukewarm bitter taste down his throat as a wave of incredulous laughter tore through his chest.

“What? Why?”

“Because it isn’t fair. It’s bad enough you’re so goddamn charming, and it’s borderline offensive that you’re like the most attractive dude I’ve ever seen. Not to mention that whole wounded duck routine you’ve got going on that makes all the girls fall at your feet-”

“Foggy, I don’t-”

“-but what’s exceptionally unacceptable is that you somehow managed to find a girl that knows about the horns, and not only didn’t run away, but still agreed to go out with you. Like the fact that you’re a vigilante and a walking human disaster totally didn’t phase her at all. That’s…like…against the rules!”

Matt couldn’t help but snicker at the disgruntled tone lacing his best friend’s exasperated voice, and the way the edges of Foggy’s mouth dipped in displeasure. 

“What rules, Foggy?”

“The rules of the universe, Matt. You’ve had too much good fortune-

“Right, like being blinded and orphaned-”

“Oh, shut the hell up. I’m talking about-”

“Guys, please. If you two keep bickering, Matt’s gonna be late. He’s lucky she’s even going out with him at all. Can we finish this?”

Karen glanced between Matt and Foggy with an arch of her brow, trying to hide the smirk that threatened to capture her lips as Matt’s teasing grin faltered into a purse of his lips from that bruise to his ego.

“Wow. Thank you…for that vote of confidence, Karen.”

“It’s true and you know it. Now, both of you sign these damn papers so we can get out of here before she changes her mind.”

Foggy’s expression suddenly turned serious as he focused his attention solely on Matt, staring at him with an accusatory finger pointed in his direction.

“I swear to God, Murdock. If you fuck up my pipeline to those crack cookies, I will never forgive you. You better turn that Matthew Murdock charm up to a million, you got me? I want those cookies, Matt. Cookies.”

»»———　　———««

It had been five days since Matt had asked you to dinner, and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you. Between the slew of court cases he was elbow deep in and the extra patrol he’d been doing at the docks to bust a trafficking ring, he hadn’t had a chance to talk to you again. He couldn’t feel your presence when he awoke past his alarm in the mornings, and when he finally got home at the Devil’s hour, he could hear you below him sleeping soundly in your bed.

For the past five nights, the harmony of your heart’s rhythm had eased him into a peaceful sleep like a serene lullaby.

But Karen’s words had anxiety filling every single cell in his body as he navigated the bustling streets of Hell’s Kitchen. 

What if you had changed your mind?

It had been five days. Five days without getting to speak to you again. Five days without another care package. 

That wasn’t unusual, right?

You didn’t follow a strict schedule with them. The drop offs were usually every few weeks. It just wasn’t time for one.

Or maybe you didn’t want to deliver any more of them.

Maybe the reality of who and what he was sank in and gave you cold feet.

Maybe this was over before it began.

“Fuck.”

Matt felt like he was losing his mind playing the role of the plaintiff and the defendant in the case of had he royally fucked this up already. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been this nervous to go on a date. Maybe it was because you were the first person he was going on a date with as himself. Not one half concealing the other. Not with a pre-spun web of lies to cover his tracks. Not with a rehearsal to remember to play down his abilities. 

All his cards were out on the table, and while he felt an absolute rush of liberation that you knew the truth already, the consequences of that truth were daunting and seemed to be lurking around every corner of his mind. By the time he reached his door, his clammy hands kept slipping over his key, and sweat had started to bead uneasily along his hairline.

Should he call this whole thing off?

He really didn’t want to. 

Did you want him to call it off?

He prayed you didn’t.

Had you been thinking about him for the past five days too?

He really hoped so.

»»———　　———««

When Matt finally made it to your door, he was nearly out of breath and his cheeks were flushed with heat. He had changed three times because you had, and he didn’t want to be over or underdressed. He focused his senses intently on you, trying to decipher the materials and textures of the outfit you finally settled on. You had music playing as you got ready, and for a few moments Matt just paused and listened to you hum along. You seemed to be in a good mood, and that eased his nerves considerably.

Was it wrong for him to invade on your privacy like that? The angel on his shoulder was already adding it to the laundry list for his confession on Sunday. But the Devil in him argued that he was going to hear you anyway. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t help what his senses picked up.

Fifteen minutes before he was supposed to meet you at your door, Matt panicked and realized he hadn’t got you any flowers, and promptly ran down the street in search of a vendor. He spent eight minutes trying to pick some out. He didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked, and roses felt too cliche and insincere. He wanted to pick something special, something that showed he put thought into them, even if he had run to get them right before he was supposed to pick you up.

The vendor had talked him into a bouquet of violet peonies, and since he didn’t have time to spare, he raced back praying that this was the one flower you didn’t hate or God forbid were allergic to.

Matt took a moment to gather himself outside your door; wiping the sweat from his brows with the back of his hand, attempting to steady his rapid breathing, smoothing his windblown hair back into place, and reciting a quiet Lord’s Prayer for good measure.

When his knuckles finally collided with your door to knock, he didn’t know if his heart was racing from the marathon he had just run, or because of you. 

The light patter of your feet eagerly approaching the door caused a smile to grace his lips, and once he tuned out the sound of his own heart raging in his ears, he could hear yours fluttering in your chest like a hummingbird.

You were nervous too.

There was a bright smile on your lips, and a light twinge of embarrassment from how quickly you had flung your door open, and you let out a quiet laugh at your own expense.

“Hi Matthew.”

God, he had forgotten how melodic your voice sounded, and how much he suddenly loved his own name hearing it fall from your lips.

“Just Matt, is okay. Only my priest calls me Matthew. And, well…a few judges in the courtroom. And my partners when I cause them undue stress in the workplace. I mean you…you can call me whatever you want, whatever’s more comfortable. It’s just-it’s kinda formal, and you don’t have to-”

“Matt’s nice. I like Matt.”

“Matt likes you.”

Matt internally grimaced as those words slipped past his lips, and the mixture of disapproval and mortification on his face from his own blunder caused a fit of giggles to erupt from your mouth.

“Well, then we’re on the same page. Glad we’ve covered that base for tonight.”

He let out a breathy chuckle as he dipped his head for a moment, trying to find the source of his usual easy charm to refuel his glaring depletion. He cleared his throat as tilted his head to the side slightly, gazing blankly past his crimson glasses in the direction of your face with a somewhat shy smile on his full lips while delicately handing you the bouquet.

“I uh…didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked, but the guy said these were the prettiest ones he had.”

Warmth spread across the tops of your cheeks when your fingers lightly brushed against his to retrieve his thoughtful offering, your lips immediately splitting into a wide grin.

“They’re beautiful. Thank you, Matt. I love peonies. How did you know purple was my favorite color?”

Matt perked up at that, and he stood up a little straighter as a proud, dimple-showcasing, toothy grin took over his mouth.

“Lucky guess.”

“Do you always get so lucky?”

“I guess we’ll find out tonight.”

Matt’s dazzling grin immediately dropped, and you could see his eyes widen behind the cherry tinted lenses. As his face paled and his lips parted in horror, his brows shot up above the frame of his glasses.

“Oh God, I didn’t-that wasn’t…I swear I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not-you’re not-this isn’t…I meant the date. Not that I’m expecting anything-I wouldn’t-I just…meant I hope it goes well. I didn’t-Jesus fucking Christ.”

You were nearly in tears with laughter as Matt stumbled over his words. A part of you felt bad for laughing at the clarity of his humiliation, but it was so endearing knowing he was just as affected by his nerves as you were. This man that went out every night to take down dangerous criminals, and was arguably the most feared man in the city himself, was standing in front of your door stumbling over an apology about an unintended double entendre. 

Reaching out to place your hand on his arm, you gave it a reassuring squeeze, momentarily distracted by the dense muscle you felt beneath the soft material of his shirt, before smiling at him in sympathy as you attempted to control your laughter. 

“Matt, it’s okay. Really.”

He let out a deep exhale, his tongue darting out to wet his lips quickly as he let out a short and dry chuckle. Matt nodded his head in your direction, a faint curve of self-deprecation on his lips.

“Is this the worst first date you’ve ever been on?”

There was a teasing tone accompanying the timber of his voice, but layered beneath you could detect a chord of genuine curiosity intermingled with trepidation. The smile on your lips only grew as you looked up at him.

“Actually, it’s one of the best.”

Matt was completely in awe of you. There wasn’t a single falter in your heart’s rhythm. He felt his lips easily mirroring the smile that was on yours, reaching his hand out to lightly grasp your elbow as your hand was still comfortably placed on his bicep.

“What would I have to do to make it the best?”

“Hm. What’s for dinner?”

“Italian. That I know you like.”

A soft noise of content hummed from your throat, and the grin that bloomed on your lips triggered his own.

“Yeah, you’re definitely in my top three right now. But, the night is still young.”

Matt couldn’t help but chuckle at the playful invitation that flowed from your voice.

“Top three? I can work with that. I like a challenge.”

»»———　　———««

The restaurant Matt brought you to was a quaint, family owned spot just a few blocks away from your shared apartment building. It’s a place he had passed by on several instances, the aroma of fresh produce and homemade pasta sauce passed down through generations capturing the intrigue of his senses every time he crossed its path, but he had wanted to save it for a special occasion like a celebratory fifty year old bottle of champagne.

And tonight, he was popping the cork on it with you.

The space was incredibly cozy. Tea light candles flickered romantically on every table and cast an amber glow in the somewhat dim lightning. Collections of sepia and noir photos of large families and historic Italian architecture decorated the walls. The imported Sangiovese was rich in tannins and bold in flavor, caressing your tongue like bittersweet velvet. And the loud personality and thick accent of your waiter repeating your orders off in an alluring symphony of Italian made you feel like you and Matt had somehow been transported straight from Hell’s Kitchen to Italy just by passing through the door.

Both of your nerves seemed to evaporate into the breeze flowing through the open windows with every splash of burgundy against your lips and exchange of exquisite flavor from your dishes. Matt asked you questions with childlike excitement, eager to learn more about you, studying you with the exact same enthusiasm he showed important cases that were of the utmost importance to him.

In return, he found himself answering your own inquisitions easily without having to spare the devilish and more complicated details. It was so incredibly emancipating to not have to pretend with you. For the first time in a long time, he wasn’t having to play a character. He could just be…Matt.

You approached every question with genuine curiosity and a respectful distance of where his invisible boundaries might be, and it made his heart soar that you were trying so hard to carefully craft his comfort. Matt had known that he was enthralled with you the first time he met you, but by the time dessert came, he was absolutely smitten.

He didn’t want to get too ahead of himself, but he also didn’t want the night to end.

“Can I walk you home?”

“Hm, I don’t know. You sure it isn’t too out of your way?”

Even if Matt couldn’t feel the way your lips parted into a huge smile, he could hear it in the cadence of your voice. The subtle joke made him chuckle as he nodded his chin in your direction, his own mouth pulling into a charming smirk. 

“I’d still offer even if you lived in Long Island.”

The sudden spill of heat across the tops of your cheeks and the quiet sharp intake of your breath had his heart pounding faster in his chest.

“I suddenly wish I did.”

Even though your tone was playful, he could detect the implications behind your words. You didn’t want this night to end either, and that had him soaring up to cloud nine. Feeling emboldened by your indirect confession, Matt reached his hand out slowly to brush his fingertips against the palm of your hand, easily threading his fingers through your own, reveling in the softness of your skin that he had missed. He felt a spark every time your pulse resonated against his own, and his cheeks nearly hurt from how much he was smiling.

“I prefer you living a floor below me.”

By the time the two of you reached your front door, Matt couldn’t tell if it was the electricity from the building buzzing in his ears or the anticipation that kept building the entire walk, growing larger and larger like a snowball ready to plow into his chest to cause an avalanche when you turned your body to face him. As your thumb lightly brushed against the back of his scarred knuckles, a question that had been bouncing around in his head all evening could no longer go unanswered.

“So, as far as first dates go, what’s the verdict? Did I move up at all?”

Matt splayed his most charming smile across his plump lips, and while the flirtation in his voice was evident, so was the unmistakable undertone of uncertainty. The blood rushing through his veins was roaring in his ears like tides crashing against the shore during a storm. 

“I’d say you made it to the top two.”

Matt cocked his head to the side slightly, seemingly surprised by your answer, his brows raising above the browline of his glasses slightly.

“Second place?”

“Unless you’ve got a last minute testimony for me to rule in your favor, Counselor.”

Your voice remained soft and teasing, but your heart was fluttering violently in your chest, like the hummingbird was trying to escape its cage. Matt carefully let go of your hand, reaching up to pull his glasses away from his face, baring himself completely before you as he slipped the crimson lenses into his pocket. The slight gasp from seeing his eyes for the first time that caught in your throat caused a bashful smile to appear on his lips. 

His tongue darted out to wet them quickly, catching a taste of the tiramisu you shared still lingering on your tongue. He wanted to devour it from your lips. Taking a bold step forward, he did his best to fix his gaze where he thought yours was, leaning in slightly until your noses were merely an inch apart, the warmth of his breath fanning over your lips.

“May I?”

His voice seemed to have dropped an octave lower, coming out in an intimate whisper that you answered all too eagerly.

“Yes.”

Matt couldn’t hold back any longer. He quickly closed the sliver of distance between you, pressing his lips to yours with a satisfied groan, feeling a surge of pride at the way your breath caught in your throat. For a good thirty seconds, you actually stopped breathing. When he reluctantly broke the kiss, he brushed his lips against yours and whispered into them softly.

“Breathe.”

The second the command slipped off his tongue, you exhaled heavily before sucking in a sharp drag of oxygen, and Matt couldn’t stop the smug grin that overtook his entire mouth.

“Well, sweetheart? What’s the verdict now?”

“Yeah…yeah, yeah definitely in the number one spot.”

Matt beamed at the breathlessness of your voice, his arm snaking around your waist to pull you in closer to his chest as he purred into your ear.

“Lucky me.”

tags: @yarrystyleeza @little-miss-dilf-lover @desert-fern @neverlandcity @charmedkim @queenofthenoobs @stilldreaming666 @mattymurdock1021 @bubuslutty @messymissy @dark-academia-slut @strawberry1042 @danzer8705

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

hello love 💗

birthday prompt: ed is scared of their first time, because whenever he opened up to his exes/hook-ups, they always eventually hurt his feelings and he's terrified stede will, too.

modern au 💋

Lovely lovely prompt!!

--

Ed had never waited this long into a relationship before having sex before.

Honestly, it was nice, in a lot of ways. He and Stede got to know each other’s bodies slowly, learning each other without urgency. It wasn’t that they weren’t hungry for each other - they were - it was more that it was fun to have that time to take. 

Most of Ed’s relationships turned physical pretty quick. He liked knowing what it felt like to kiss Stede good morning before he knew what it was like to kiss him during sex. He liked that Stede was happy to brush his hair for him when he got out of the shower, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck but not asking for anything more. He liked that they got long, chaste cuddle sessions, and wandering hands could turn into a gentle, slow exploration of thighs and tummies and arms with no need for the haste of passion.

It was good! It was fun! It made his connection with Stede feel deep and earnest!

Ed was, also, stalling. Just a little bit.

Because, like, Stede was it for him. There was just no other way to put it. Ed knew, without a single doubt in his fucking mind, that if Stede left him tomorrow, he’d never get over it. He’d spend the rest of his life knowing that he’d met the love of his life, even if Stede decided he didn’t want to love him back.

And that was it. That was the rub. That was the pain in the fucking ass, right there.

Because sex was fun, yeah, but it was also vulnerable. And every single fucking time Ed had ever opened up to any of his boyfriends about what he wanted and his boundaries during sex - or, God fucking forbid, he dropped an I love you during the act…

They hadn’t just left him. They’d hurt him.

He’d learned not to tell guys what words to use when talking about his body, because they’d laugh and tell him that he didn’t get to make that choice. If he asked for it slow and sweet, he got laughed at. Even with hookups, guys seemed to take the fact that there was no emotional connection as free reign to do whatever they wanted, even and especially if it involved hurting Ed’s feelings.

There had been times he thought had gone well. He’d learned he couldn’t trust it. Even the ex he’d been most optimistic about, who had been sweet and listened to what Ed had asked…Ed had overheard him a couple weeks later with his friends, laughing about how Ed cried during sex.

It wasn’t fucking fair, and it sucked, and Ed couldn’t bear the thought of the same thing happening with Stede.

Non-sexual intimacy was amazing and new and excellent, sure, but he was terrified that the second he opened up, the second he got really vulnerable, the second they had sex…what if Stede hurt him?

Ed knew he was giving Stede an absolute monster of a mixed signal. They both wanted more. Stede had been amazing when Ed had asked to go slow, and he hadn’t pushed, but Ed wanted more, too, and he was getting to the point where he was being fucking weird about it. Like, the night before, he’d practically screamed in Stede’s face that he needed to call his dentist as an excuse to leave when his hand was literally down Stede’s pants.

There was a chance Ed might’ve just beat around the bush forever (literally, he’d never jerked off more often in his entire life), but Stede got to it first.

Ed had been about to tell he was worried, and that night, at the point where the kissing and heavy petting usually began, Stede had put his hand on his thigh, and he’d very softly asked Ed to tell him what he was doing wrong.

“Huh?” Ed recoiled. “No, babe, you haven’t -”

Stede frowned, like Ed was just being willfully obstinate. “Ed, every time we start taking things further, you seem really into it, and then you make up an excuse to leave. I just want to know what I’m doing wrong, because if you’re uncomfortable, then -”

“Stede.” Ed laid his hand over Stede’s, closing his eyes for courage. “You’ve been amazing.”

Stede swallowed visibly. “But?”

“But…” Ed took a deep breath. “I’m…kinda…sex hasn’t always been…great.”

Stede flipped his hand over to lace their fingers together properly. “You know we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

It was that, that right there, the understanding and respect for Ed’s boundaries where everyone else would’ve pushed, that gave Ed the courage to soldier on.

“I want to,” he said. “But there are things you need to know, okay?”

Stede nodded earnestly, looking for all the world like a pupil ready to take notes.

“I don’t like some words for my body,” Ed said, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see Stede’s face. He didn’t want to see the moment he got mad at him. “I just want you to call what I’ve got a cock and a hole, okay? Nothing else.”

“Okay,” Stede said, immediately, like it was just that easy.

Ed cracked an eye open. Stede’s expression was mild, alert but unoffended. Interesting.

“Okay,” Ed repeated. He hadn’t been sure he’d get this far, so he had to take a sec to gather his thoughts. “And, uh. I don’t want you to hit me, or choke me, or spit on me. At least not without asking first.”

Stede actually looked a bit angry, there, and Ed had a moment of panic before he realized the anger wasn’t meant for him. “Why would I do any of that without checking if you wanted it?”

So far, so fuckin’ good.

“Last thing,” Ed said. “Please don’t go around making fun of me. After.”

Stede’s mouth fell open, worked for a bit. “Oh, sweetheart,” he said, at last, “never. I’d never do that. There’s nothing you could do that would make that okay.”

They didn’t have sex that night - Ed was still a bit too raw, and Stede was a bit too in his head. But the next day, Ed came home to a house filled with roses, and Stede had carefully laid a trail of flower petals to their bed, and when he stepped in the door Stede was there to take his hand like a princess.

Stede kissed his knuckles. “Ready?”

It was still a bit scary, to be vulnerable like that, especially after how it had gone before. But…Ed just couldn’t believe anymore that Stede would do anything to hurt him.

Ed wrapped his arms around Stede’s neck. “Ready.”

[jhoneybees]

Stutter

Lordy lord☝️

Hehehe another fic! This one is a John Carpenter fic and I hope you enjoy it!! I was watching the 'Change of Habit', movie yesterday and thought he's such a nice man😮‍💨 and here's a fun fact about me if anyone is interested is that I have a stutter! The reader in this fic has one as well! It's a pain in the a- @hooked-on-elvis for the tags !!

My brain is finally cooperating with me again but I don't wanna jinx it 🫣 And I'm sorry that a lot of my fics include crying, I just can't get enough of crying comfort fics😭

Characters: John Carpenter X stuttering!reader

Warnings/triggers: Doctor clinics, stuttering, crying

_____________________________________________

This week hasn't been going smoothly for you, and it’s all your stutter’s fault. One thing you couldn’t spit words out when a couple of ladies were asking you for directions to the nearest post office and then when you had to call the dentist to make an appointment, it tied your damn words down. It’s absolute torture and you were so fed up with it. You've had this speech impediment for as long as you can remember and everyday you wish it would just disappear, out of your life, away from your worries but you had to learn that it's only fair for each individual to have their own problems in their lives but you still thought about that wish of yours. Sometimes…Well daily it makes you cry thinking about how hard it is to deal with.

Something that helps your stutter though is John, John Carpenter, your beloved boyfriend. He's always been there for you whenever you want to pour all your concerns out, about anything your brain can think of. He’d always listen and you couldn't ask for any other guy than him, he's all you need. Just someone who would look past your evidently painful stutter and just patiently waits for your next words. He knows about your stutter and understands how hard it can be because he often works with people with problems like this and he has told you several times if you want help, he is always there but you just think John has enough on his plate of taking care of himself and his patients so having his girlfriend to take care of as well? In your brain it seems like it's too much for him. Yes John is a doctor and that’s his job to take care of others but oh you couldn't possibly burn your wonderful hard-working boyfriend out, you really couldn't bother him with your problems even though he wouldn’t mind at all and would be happy to help.

One afternoon, as you were sitting on the couch those worrying thoughts were constantly circling your mind and you just wanted them to go away so you decided to go to John's clinic for a visit, to get your mind off things.

As you arrive and open the door into the foyer, you peer through the window of the clinic door to see John talking to a patient, who you think is the last one for the day. Quietly you turn the door knob and make your way inside. John notices you walk in so he says goodbye to the patient and waves a hand to gesture for you to follow him. Taking you to his office for some privacy. “How's my girl doing hm?” he asks as he watches you close the door and hang your purse up on the cloak stand. You hum softly “Good, b-been good” silently sitting down on a chair opposite from his, brushing a strand behind your ear. John smiles, “Busy week?” You shake your head and lift your eyes up to look at his “N-no, p-pretty quiet this week…I-I- I didn't have a lot on my sched-..schedule” nodding his head he hums in response. “Aren't ya lucky… been crazy busy in the clinic this week” he sighs and snickers to himself.

You smile small and giggle slightly “Mhm, a-alot of..of- of sick people?” asking in a quiet tone. John chuckles “injured, mostly injured” nodding as your eyes trail down to the papers on his desk, the troubling thoughts crawling back into your head. “Mhm…” John's smile returns and his eyebrows furrow a little. “Something on your mind honey?” your eyes dart back up into his and you laugh nervously and brush it off “Oh no..N-no just- just tired ‘s all” giving him a small smile before you go back to your zoned out state. With his ankle resting on his knee and leaning back in his chair and his hand wiping under his nose, he watches you quietly. Seeing your eyes sadden and your arms resting at your sides, presuming you were twiddling with your thumbs under the table. “Ya sure you're tired?” Earning a silent nod. He stays silent for a few moments, continuing to watch as you sulk. “You don't look tired..” he states, you breathe in briefly and look at him “John, I am just tir-...” he raises an eyebrow making you sigh. “Fine I'm not tired” your posture slouches. John breathes out “What's ya thinking about baby?” tilting his head to the side, his eyes staying glued to your face. Looking down at your lap, you bite your lip gently “M-my…my s-s-stut-” you huff out being so sick of it, John nodding slowly “Take your time honey” you take in a deep breath and slowly break down the word “stut..ter, stutter”

It’s embarrassing, making tears well up in your eyes and you shyly wipe your nose. your breath trembling, “I-its annoying…it- it really is'' John's face softens and he leans his body closer, resting his arms on the desk. Humming softly, he listens as you tell him your woes. “I'm sick of it…s-so sick of it” your breath hitching quietly before an unexpected sob escapes your mouth.

“Aw honey…” you bury your face into your hands. John gets up from his chair and walks around his desk, shifting your chair to face him as he kneels on one knee. Clicking his tongue and prying your hands away to cup your cheeks. His eyes move from one eye to your other as you pitifully cry.

“I-it’s so annoying! E-every t-time I try to speak..i-it won’t let me!” you sniffle, John nods and hums then a small grin grows on his face “You’re speaking right now” he raises an eyebrow and snickers softly, you gently swat his shoulder “I meant speaking clearly!” you exclaim making John laugh louder “M’sorry I know what you mean darling, I know” his hands rest on your knees, caressing with his thumbs. You wipe your tears away with the back of your hands, sniffling one last time. John smiles “Want a hug?” he asks as he holds his arms out, you accept. Both standing up “ It really is a pain isn’t it?” he sighs, you nod quietly as you rest your head on his chest and wrap your arms around his waist.

John sighs again and kisses the top of your head, rubbing your back soothingly. Staying quiet for a while before John speaks up “Would a lollipop make you feel better?” to which you agree “mhm…” Pulling away, John walks back around to open a drawer to pick out a lollipop for him to walk back, holding it in front of you “Here..” you shyly take the sweet and attempt to open the wrapper, frowning in frustration. John shakes his head and chuckles again “I’ll get it” taking the lollipop out of your hand and with ease, he unwraps it. “Thank you” you say quietly. Pecking your forehead lightly, John admires you with love in his eyes.

“it’ll get better through time”

[vintageshanny]

Officer Presley and the Librarian - Part 7 - Pool Party of Two

Writing Prompt: Summer theme

Content: Smut, fluff (You might actually need to see a dentist after reading this due to the sweetness quotient. I guess this is just what my heart and brain needed to express right now). 18+

You glanced up over the edge of your book when you felt the water droplets hitting your leg. You had been lounging by the pool reading a book while Elvis cooled off in the water. Now he was standing over you with a little pouty look on his face. “I thought you were gonna come in with me, baby,” he said. “I am, I just finished my chapter. Let’s go in.” You set your book down and smiled up at him as the water from his hair and T-shirt dripped down onto your red one-piece swimsuit. “Hold on, I’m thirsty,” he said, reaching for his bottle of Pepsi on the little table next to your lounge chair. “That’s okay, take your time. I have a nice view right now,” you teased as you eyed his crotch that was at your eye level. You could see the entire outline of all he had to offer. “You know, those wet swim shorts cling to you real nice. I’ve heard a lot of men shrink in the cold water, but I see you don’t have that problem.” You giggled as Elvis’ face turned red and he turned to pull his chair closer to yours. “Mmm you look good from the back too,” you said, reaching out to give his perfect round butt a gentle pat. “Hush, woman,” he said with an embarrassed chuckle as he swatted your hand away and sat down next to you.

“You look pretty good yourself, y’know,” Elvis smirked as he eyed you up and down, leaning his head back against the chair. “I love seein’ ya look so happy.” It had been two weeks since you and Elvis had confessed your love for each other, and you’d been on an emotional high since then. You’d essentially been living at Graceland, leaving only to go to work at the library, and you could tell that if Elvis had his way, you wouldn’t be leaving for that either. He didn’t put up too much of a fight yet, but you knew it was coming. For now, though, you were just trying to enjoy the bliss of those first stages of love.

“Well, being with you makes me so happy, baby. Especially when you come out of the water shoving this in my face,” you leaned over and ran your fingertips gently over the outline of his cock, making him shiver. “There’s my handsy girl,” he said with a wink. “I see you’ve got one thing on your mind today. Do ya need daddy ta take care of ya?” he whispered. You glanced over your shoulder at where some of the guys were playing football in the grass, but no one seemed to be paying attention to the two of you. “Out here? Anyone could look over,” you said with a blush. “So you’re jus’ gonna touch Little Elvis, get ‘im all riled up, and that’s it? That don’t sound fair, do it?” he said, his hand reaching over to trace over your stomach and down your hip. “Do you want to go inside?” you asked, starting to feel very hot and bothered. “Nah, ya promised me that ya’d swim with me.” Elvis stood and grabbed your hand, pulling you up and toward the pool.

“What are we going to do in the pool?” you asked as you followed him down the steps into the water. “Whatever we want, baby. If no one wants to see it, they shouldn’t come over here when I’m spendin’ quality time with my sexy librarian.” At that he lunged at you and you squealed as he pressed you up against the side of the pool. Goosebumps were rising all over your body, and you weren’t sure if it was from the cool water or the feel of his open lips pressing against your neck. “Mmm,” you moaned a little too loudly. Charlie turned from where they were playing and called out, “What’s goin’ on over there? Everything okay?” Elvis turned from you just long enough to say, “Don’ worry ‘bout it. Jus’ mind your business.” Charlie shrugged and turned back to the game.

“Ya need to be a little quieter baby, if ya don’ want an audience,” Elvis teased as he resumed his open-mouthed kisses down your neck and toward your chest. “Will you do me a favor, Elvis?” you asked softly as his hands roamed over your curves, squeezing your breasts gently. “I’ll do all kinds of favors for ya, baby,” he murmured into your skin. “Will you take this T-shirt off?” You could feel Elvis stop in his tracks and tense up a little bit. You knew he felt a little self-conscious to have no shirt on where other people could see him, but you wanted him to feel like he could be completely at ease with you. “I-I-I don’ know, baby, I, um, it-it,” he stumbled trying to find an explanation that wouldn’t require him to admit how insecure he felt without it. He knew some of his friends had gained weight over the years too, and they felt no need to hide, but their bodies weren’t being constantly scrutinized.

“Please, daddy, for me,” you cooed in his ear as you traced over the area where his wet shirt clung to his nipples. “You know how I like to feel your skin pressed up against me. And that trail of hair…it drives me wild,” you whispered. Elvis blushed a little bit and relaxed his grip on you. “O-o-okay, baby, only for you. You helped him peel the wet shirt off, and he set it next to the pool. “Oh, that’s more like it,” you breathed out as you ran your fingers through his wet chest hair and down over his soft belly. Elvis’ mouth turned up in his trademark crooked grin and he stared at you with a funny look in his eyes. “What is it? Are you okay?” you asked, worried maybe you had pushed him too much. Elvis pressed his body close to yours and cradled the back of your head with his large hand. “I-I-I’m better than okay, baby. I jus’ never thought I’d find someone who could love and accept every part of me. B-B-but here you are.” “Each little piece of you makes up the beautiful man that you are. So I can’t help but love every part,” you said softly as you leaned your head down and kissed the smooth skin of his shoulder. As your lips moved up to meet his, you could feel Little Elvis responding in the best way.

“Is anyone watching us, baby?” Elvis asked as he pulled back from your lips. You looked over his shoulder and shook your head. “No, they moved further away.” “That’s good, they musta got the hint.” He smiled and moved his hand down your side until he was gripping your thigh, his thumb rubbing over the elastic band of your swimsuit. “These little strands of hair creepin’ out are jus’ drivin’ me crazy, honey, I need ta see more.” He pulled the elastic to the side exposing your entire pubic area. As he looked down into the water at you, Little Elvis started poking at you more insistently. “I need to see more of you too, daddy,” you whispered as you pulled at the waistband of his swim shorts. You reached your hand down inside of them and found what you were looking for. Elvis let out a soft groan as you started pumping him in your hand. At the same time, he used one of his knees to spread your legs open a little bit and stuck one long finger inside of you.

Your body let out a shudder as he added a second finger and rubbed his thumb against your clit. You tried to focus on pumping his cock, but your whole body seemed to be responding to his touch. “Oh, baby, seein’ ya like this, I’m almost ready ta finish. Let me get inside of ya, honey,” he said as he looked into your blissful face. You nodded, unable to think straight from the pleasure of his fingers. He pulled his shorts down in the front just enough to pull out his cock and tried to pull your swimsuit even further to the side. The fabric could not withstand this strong tug, and the entire crotch of your suit ripped open, leaving your bottom half fully exposed. “Oh goddamn that’s a beautiful sight,” Elvis groaned when he looked down at you. Your pussy was just throbbing with need for him, and he wasted no time in thrusting into you. It was fortunate the guys had moved their game further away, because the two of you were failing in your attempts to keep things quiet. Elvis finished with a grunt and leaned over you, holding onto the side of the pool.

“Did I take care of ya, baby?” he asked nervously. Usually he could feel you shaking and calling out his name, but the position was a little more awkward in the pool. You bit your lip, not sure what to say. You didn’t want to lie, but you also didn’t want him to feel bad about it. “I always feel good when we’re together, Elvis. I always feel taken care of,” you said, scratching one of his sideburns gently. He leaned into your touch, closed his eyes, and sighed a little bit. “But ya didn’t quite get there, did ya? I’m sorry, let me help ya finish,” he said, pulling out of you slowly and reaching his hand back down. “No, Elvis, it’s not you, I think I’m just too nervous that someone’s going to walk back over here. I couldn’t fully let go.” “I’ll make it up to ya inside then,” he insisted. “With your tongue?” you said with a wink. Elvis laughed at that. “Whatever my baby wants,” he said, sticking his tongue out and licking your cheek, making you squeal.

“Um, how am I supposed to get out of the pool with my suit wrecked?” you asked with a nervous laugh. “Hmm I guess I did really use some force tryin’ ta get at ya,” Elvis chuckled. “You should wear a bikini next time for…easier access.” You blushed at the thought of that but kept your insecurities to yourself. “You stay here, and I’ll get your towel,” Elvis announced. He climbed out of the pool while you tried to keep your hands over yourself in case anyone walked over. “Okay, baby, I got ya,” Elvis said, shielding you with a towel as you climbed the stairs. Right after he wrapped it around you, the guys started heading toward the pool. “Whew…just in time,” Elvis joked.

“Hey, we were just coming to join you. It’s getting too hot out here,” Charlie announced. “Sorry fellas, we’re done for now.” “Aw, c’mon, you can stay a little long-” Charlie was cut off by an elbow to the ribs. Joe motioned with his head to where a little scrap of red swimsuit fabric was floating in the pool. Your face turned scarlet when you realized everyone knew what had just happened. “Hey, where’s your shirt?” Charlie asked Elvis, changing the subject. You nervously glanced at Elvis, hoping he wasn’t embarrassed. His face flushed a little bit, but he just grabbed his sopping wet shirt and said, “Well boys, when the most beautiful girl in the world wants ta get busy in the pool, ya jus’ do what she asks.” He gave a little wink as you buried your head in his chest, too embarrassed to look anyone in the face. “C’mon, baby, let’s go and I’ll make it up to ya.” The guys looked a little confused as you and Elvis walked toward the house giggling like teenagers in love.

Thank you to my beautiful sister wives @whositmcwhatsit @thatbanditqueen @missmaywemeetagain @ellie-24 @be-my-ally @from-memphis-with-love. You all inspire me every day and I love you! ❤️

Thank you to everyone who has expressed continued interest in this series and in my writing! I appreciate you all so much! ❤️

Tag list: @eliseinmemphis @18lkpeters @doll-elvis @elvispresleygf @artlover8992 @richardslady121 @lookingforrainbows

[invisibleraven]

having an argument about who loves the other more as they settle down for the night (which may or may not end up in a tickling match if the other allows) for PeterPatterLina, please and thank you

“Okay munchkins, time for bed!” Luke called out, grinning as he heard the thundering of feet towards the stairs.

Luke sometimes wondered at how lucky he was-he had never planned on this life. He had thought he would be a struggling musician with no family speak of, because he thought music would be enough for him.

But now, he had two wonderful partners and two equally beautiful kids, awards lining his mantelpiece and a life full of love. He had never been happier to be wrong about anything in his life.

“Do we gotta get a bath papa?” Danny asked as he rounded the stairs towards the bedrooms.

“No bath!” Luna protested, putting on her best grumpy face.

Luke sighed-the terrible twos had hit Luna like a sledgehammer, making her defiant and since her language started blossoming, she had made every thought known, especially the contrary ones.

“No baths Luna,” Reggie agreed from where he emerged from the bathroom the kids used. “But you do have to brush your teeth.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Too bad,” chirped Julie as she came up the stairs. “You’ll get cavities if you don’t and then the dentist will have to fill them.”

Both Luna and Danny shuddered at that-neither were big fans of the dentist, and Luke couldn’t blame them, he hadn’t been as a kid either.

Soon enough, teeth were brushed, jammies were on and they got the kids into Danny’s bed for stories.

“Alright moonbeam, say good night to Danny,” Reggie stated as he picked her up.

“Night Danny,” Luna mumbled around a yawn. He reciprocated, blowing her a kiss as she passed the doorway.

“Buenos noches mijo,” Julie said, pressing a kiss to Danny’s forehead.

“Te amo mami,” Danny replied, his Spanish a little more halting since he had only recently expressed interest in learning the language.

“Love you buddy,” Luke stated, going in for his own kiss.

“Love you more.”

“Love you most,” Luke retorted.

“Love you 3000,” Danny replied back, then squealing when Luke tickled him.

“No fair using that!” He stated.

“Luke don’t rile Danny up before bed,” Julie chided him gently.

“Sorry boss.”

Then from down the hall, they heard a little voice singing. “Bang bang rattle ding bang gonna make my noise all day…”

“Never should have read her Mortimer,” Julie sighed.

“I’ll go,” Luke offered, “You finish with bucko here.”

Julie gave him a grateful look, and Luke got up, traipsing down the hall towards Luna’s room where she was jumping on her bed, Reggie trying to get her to settle.

Luke scooped Luna up mid jump, which made her giggle. “Papa! Down!”

“It’s time for bed miss moo.”

“No bed!”

“Yes bed,” Luke replied, firm. “You haven’t been listening to daddy, so now papa is saying bed.”

“Papa mad?” Luna asked, her lower lip quivering.

“No, I just need you to say sorry to daddy and go to bed.”

Luna looked at Reggie who was standing nearby. “Sowwy Daddy.”

“It’s okay moonbeam,” Reggie assured her. “But let’s get you to sleep now okay?”

Luna nodded, letting her dads tuck her in, eyes closing soon after, not even stirring as Julie came in to kiss her good night.

Soon after, the three of them collapsed together on the couch, not paying attention to the tv.

“Man I love those squirts, but sometimes parenting is hard,” Luke groaned.

“But you love them, even when it’s hard,” Julie replied.

“Especially when it’s hard,” Reggie emphasized.

“That’s when I love them the most, yeah,” Luke mused. “And you two for being there right beside me.”

“Love you the most too,” Reggie said.

“If you two start a tickle fight I am going to bed,” Julie stated. “And also you know I’d win.”

They had to laugh at that-mainly because it was true. But that didn’t stop them from trying-even if Julie proved herself right.

But Luke loved it when she did.

[eric-the-bmo]

Hello I saw your tag PLEASE tell me about Annabelle Von Gears she seems right up my alley

OUGIYGH OH BOY LET ME RAMBLE ABOUT MY OC, THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE STRUCTURED HORRIBLY LMAO—

So! Annabelle von Gears is my character for an upcoming homebrew campaign my friend's been wanting to run for about a year; She's put so much work into it, it's fascinating! (So sorry if u weren't expecting ttrpg stuff, but the floodgates have opened, and as a man with a special interest in ttrpgs I'm not going to shut up now—)

In very simple terms, Annabelle is a porcelain warforged/robotic wizard (bladesinger, specifically) who grew tired of her life and runs off to go adventuring. I adore her and this WILL be an infodump under the readmore!!!

[Art by @teefs_art on twitter!]

Augh okay I have no idea if I'll be able to get everything down, especially her thoughts on her family and herself, but here we go-

In terms of personality, I've been keeping it a bit vague; I'd like to have some room to build upon it when we finally play, and I've found it's easier to go off a general vibe.

So: Annabelle, at the start, is really just trying to do her job as a secretary and is very bored over the whole thing. While disruptions in the day can annoy her, she secretly delights in a few of them, because hey- that's another break in monotony, baby! After discovering free will later on, she's a lot more impulsive and upbeat, but still attempts to maintain her air of formality and fanciness. She most likely has a very strong sense of what's considered "fair." Due to Annabelle's upbringing, she'll probably be a bit rude and insensitive to others and their plights at times- and despite her sarcasm, she seems unable to detect it in others?

I definitely need to think more about how to include some knightly traits for her, and yknow, the whole thing of self vs duty, but... eh, yknow. Just vibes so far ☆

Anyway, the fact she's not literally built for a life of adventuring does nothing to dissuade her, btw; she'd rather do this than go back to a boring job.

Fun(?) facts:

Annabelle was based off the idea of "hey, what if a porcelain robot got hurt a lot and had to be fixed up with gold? Wouldn't that be cool or what"

Annabelle has programmed codes! Some of them include not being able to enter certain parts of the Von Gears manor, and being physically unable to harm her father figure (She can certainly try, but it's extremely difficult to break through those instructions)

She can sleep standing up, and yes, this probably will unnerve her party members very much ☆ (She can also stand completely still! More than once she's startled a foreign diplomat by blending in with the various statues and automatons in the manor, and so she's not allowed to go into those rooms anymore lmao)

Annabelle would really like collecting vinyls <3

She has the emblem of her home kingdom painted on her shoulder blades/upper back (it's an eagle with its wings outstretched!)

She can remove her face plate, and getting fixed by an artificer or mechanic is a bit uncomfortable :-/ It's like going to the dentist.

Annabelle is supposed to have a German accent- but I'm unable to do one. 😔

Her favorite term of endearment is to call someone "butterfly"; but so far she exclusively refers to only her sister with it.

She's unable to cry; she's not built with tear ducts! :-(

She's probably got a list full of silly little things to do while adventuring- like sneak into a building, or take part in a bar fight.

Taking heat damage is flavored as such: Her porcelain coverings are actually pretty heat-resistant! However, her insides aren't. It almost acts like an oven... (good luck venturing the kingdom of Helosh, love! ouch)

I'm absolutely going to find out how she can stim with her magic. No one can stop me /lh

And now for her general story: (note: I'm only putting in the most basic information for this. There's so much worldbuilding, but I sadly don't have time to ramble about all that. Again, sorry if this is incoherent, augh)

On the continent of Mysterra, most warforged reside in the country of Tectonica, which is ruled by Warrick von Gears (I forget his exact official title), a warforged who's been around for a very long time- definitely more than 100 years.

Following Mysterra's calendar, in 1835 Warrick decided he wanted a family with his wife Eleanor (also a warforged), and on the 19th of the Month of Talis, he commissioned the construction of Aria as his daughter�� Annabelle was then added as a sudden addition. It took a year to complete the both of them, at which point artificial souls were placed inside their chests, and they were taken home to Tectonica's capital of Skysummit.

Despite being awoken at the same time, Annabelle is considered the more mature out of the two- mentally being in her 20s, with Aria being around 12- and primarily functions as Warrick's secretary. She arranged meetings, schedules, etc, and traveled along with him to diplomatic meetings to the capitals of other countries- along the way she picked up how to speak Gnomish and Draconic, as Windberg and Balaur do frequent dealings with Tectonica.

But eventually, she got bored with... well, just about all of it. It all began to seem monotonous, with only traveling for meetings, chess games with Warrick, and the shenanigans of Aria to break it all up. (She cares very much for her sister; it's almost the energy of "If this one favorite coworker wasn't here I would've quit a Long Time Ago" /hj). She wasn't really allowed to leave the estate without permission- and the thought to do so anyway had never occurred to her- so she had to find a few ways to avoid completely losing it.

Despite the fact she was built with a variety of coded spells to ensure self-defense, Annabelle began to study the variety of spellbooks and fiction in the Von Gear estate to stave off her boredom and restlessness- as well as daydreaming, becoming a lover of gossip, practicing swordfighting with some decorative blades hanging up on the wall, etc; all while wondering if something was wrong with her. Because she was built for this job, so surely she shouldn't be dissatisfied, right? [And what's with that strange tugging in her chest sometimes..?] But nothing ever seemed wrong when the mechanics showed up for yearly checks, so she didn't really ever bring it up in conversation to Warrick.

[While she loves the other Von Gears, her discontent with her current life makes her feels separate from them. Combined with her job as a secretary, she tries to be formal towards them and keep a distance– but she makes a few exceptions. She has fun with Aria, and despite her insistence she's really not part of the family, she does participate in family game night, and has accidentally called Warrick "dad" more than once. Anyway...]

And so, in the year of 1842, Annabelle von Gears is still the secretary of Tectonica's ruler— that is, until a famed Artificer is late for his scheduled meeting with Warrick. This catapults the events of the campaign, as well as Annabelle meeting her future party— an artificer searching for her missing father, a barbarian seeking revenge for the destruction of her town, a ranger with the last known dragon egg, and a paladin trying to prevent his kingdom from being destroyed by a volcano.

She’ll be sent by Warrick to join them for a quest, much to her surprise, and will discover that adventuring is just what she needs in her life. She runs off to join them, promising her sister she'll write to her.

Being an impulsive woman once she's discovered she has free will, Annabelle's bound to get into trouble and gain all sorts of scars- and probably a lot of them, since she literally isn't built for adventuring– as well as probably gaining... odd visions? And passing knowledges of skills previously unbeknownst to her? Strange...

While adventuring, Annabelle will occasionally feel guilt for leaving her job and family behind.

And oh, the Reveal! During her journey, Annabelle von Gears will eventually discover the truth that her soul isn't artificial like she was told: She had been a flesh-and-blood person whose soul had been ripped out (either from a living body or the afterlife) and rewired, just like every other warforged.... Which would explain all the odd memories and possibly even her want for adventure- she had been a person before. And surely Warrick must've known this whole time, right? (cue, hopefully, a climactic daughter-father fight)

(There's also an idea the DM and I have where Annabelle encounters the "resurrected" body of who she used to be, possibly leading to the body attempting to kill her so it can get its soul back. We're going to have so much fun with the horror elements)

Anyway augh this was A Lot, thank you for showing interest and allowing me to Ramble ;-;✌️🫶💕

[jessicalprice]

i am emily kaldwin, the most considerate sociopath

(reposted from Twitter) 

Okay, so can we take a moment to acknowledge that MAYBE the reason the world of Dishonored 2 is so fucked up is because they spend all day looking at the incredibly fucked up art on their walls?

Like, here in the parlor we have this quaint sepia-toned memento of the time that Grandpa and all his friends got eaten by a giant squid:

And what art do we keep in the bedroom, you ask? Perhaps a nice soothing floral? Nah, it's the time we encountered a naked yeti or some shit in the forest:

And in this cozy sitting room we have art about getting lost in a hell dimension.

And here in this fine palace we have 

I dunno 

the mothman I guess:

(These details are a big reason I love this game.)

If you don't want to read the news while you're in the W.C., you can gaze on this...

this 

I dunno, maybe this is Dishonored 2 firemen? maybe this is their equivalent of a swimsuit calendar? who knows

Pretty sure I magicked up onto this very ledge like 2 minutes ago--this is their equivalent of those overly flowery hometown pride pics of your local downtown:

Why have an oil painting of some renaissance dude in a ruff when you can have one of an out-of-work mime staring adoringly at a mosquito:

YAY OUR FAIR NOT AT ALL DYSTOPIAN CITY like I think this was from the tourist bureau:

I mean, sure:

You know, having a very normal breakfast next to The Hole:

some people have pictures of tropical birds or wild horses or their pets 

some people have nightmarefish 

here in dishonoredland we only have nightmarefish

takes all kinds to make a world

but I mean all the mirrors look into the abyss instead of showing your reflection so

our fair city pt 2

another thing they like to do with their art is hang paintings of the EXACT ROOM YOU'RE IN, except with no people in it

ok I actually legit want this one

that time when the Flying Dutchman docked here

we do love our undead captains of industry

we are certainly, absolutely, very normal sailors, and not at all The Damned, cursed to rove these wretched seas until we find new souls to take our places

Okay but real talk time:

The name of the game in this, er, game named Dishonored 2 is BODY MANAGEMENT, folks. 

After you take someone out, you gotta hide the body or guards come and also you stress out your citizenry and you're the empress (on the lam) so that's irresponsible of you. Their wellbeing is your responsibility.

And you pretty much have to at least choke everyone out so they don't see you and attack you and also for peace and quiet because if the citizens see you carrying the guards' bodies they start screaming.

The citizens are WAY HAPPIER if they're unconscious.

So you gotta choke them out but like there's all this shit that wants to eat them: bloodflies, rats, probably other people, idk.

So you have to put them somewhere safe once they're unconscious, which usually means up high--

oh btw this game was made by cats, the floor is lava, never walk on the floor when you can climb on shit, you'll die

--so anyway, you've got all these people you've knocked out and you have to put them somewhere safe and it's tidier if you put them all in the same place, also you don't want other people seeing them because seeing bodies stresses your subjects out.

So step one is you gotta find a place to put the unconscious bodies up high and out of sight.

So I found this weird 2nd floor dentist's office with no stairs or anything so the only way you can get up there is by magic, so when they wake up they'll feel safe:

I am such a good empress 

they love me

There are even these bloodfly zombie people called Nest Keepers who are basically walking plague machines but I knocked that guy out too instead of killing him because I am merciful. But the bloodflies killed all these people in that house so there were a ton of bodies that I had to put somewhere.

I mean, no one was going to see them because the house was condemned, but it wasn't tidy.

So I needed to get them out of the house but running all the way down the stairs to carry them one-by-one was a lot of work so I just threw them out the window

and then I heard screaming 

so I guess some people saw them

probably should have choked those people out first, don't want them stressed.

But anyway I tidied up that house (body-wise, anyway--I feel the need to smash everything that's smashable when I leave a place so if I come back I remember that I looted it--but you have to be careful bc sometimes if you smash things near an unconscious person it kills them and you’re their empress and responsible for them so you don’t want that).

So then I went outside and decided to get down to business, putting away the bodies.

But then I found the Nest Keeper and he was dead, so I guess when the normal non-zombie people saw him they freaked out and killed him?

Anyway, so I was luring guards over and choking them out and putting them in the dentist's office so they'd be safe and then I saw this and was like OH SHIT WHAT HAPPENED HERE:

And then I realized those were the dead bodies I'd chucked out of the bloodfly house and maaaaaybe the guard got hit with a dead body and died.

I feel kind of bad.

But anyway, moving on, step 2 is you gotta find a place to put the DEAD bodies because you don't want your citizens seeing them and getting upset, and also it's not very tidy to leave them lying around your city, that's how you get ants.

So I found a very convenient tidy dumpster for the dead bodies:

I felt sorta sad when I put the nest keeper in there.  

sorry, my dude, people can be jerks 

I should have put him in the dentist's office first

or shit maybe it was throwing him out of the window that did him in, but once they're unconscious they're usually pretty bouncy. Like babies.

And I really thought the guard was dead from being hit with dead bodies but as it turned out they'd somehow just knocked him out and I didn't even have to chloroform him or choke him out.

To the dentist's office!

I was carrying this other guard and a guard came at me so I sorta had to chuck the unconscious dude at him which somehow killed them both and I was sad. 

The physics here are a little odd.

Okay and the guards had hanged a bunch of people which, fine, I guess, but the game WILL NOT let you cut the bodies down and it's bothering me because they really need to be taken to Body Stash #2.

This is very untidy.

So anyway, when you smash most things they disappear, so I spent a while cleaning up the city getting rid of all these unwashed dishes and putting all these bodies away.

It's much tidier now, and quiet with everyone unconscious.

No one wants to play video games with me 

which is fine, I guess  

not after Skyrim and my collecting all the brooms and buckets and putting them in the Janitor Closet House

[moodmother]

They's a Crowd

In between sips of macchiato, Zenith types away furiously. Oh this, this is a good one. The latest post for their blog, They's a Crowd. An invective against the oppressive tyranny of romantic love and family bonds.

"Do you really believe that?"

Zenith never saw the stranger sit down, but there he is on the other side of the table. Meticulous strawberry beard, sharp twinkling eyes. A sudden faint whiff of heather and iron in the air.

"What?"

"All that. That your friends should prioritize you over their lovers and children."

There is no way for the stranger to have seen what Zenith is writing but they are caught up in the righteous heat of their conviction. "It's about economies of care! How am I supposed to survive." In their fervor, Zenith almost spills coffee onto the keys of their MacBook.

"Indeed."

"Last week, I was feeling depressed so I texted my supposed 'best friend' to see if we could hang out. But he had promised his wife that he would take her out to the movies. Well, fair enough. So I asked if I could come along--and he said 'No!' Well, what about my social needs? Just because she's his 'wife,' just because he's bound by the patriarchal institution of marriage, he can treat me like I mean nothing? And just last night, I didn't have the spoons to make myself dinner. I put out a message in the group chat, but of course you know what day it was."

"Mother's Day."

"Right! So nobody would come by and cook me a simple meal, because they were all having dinner with their mothers instead. I had to go hungry, because our heteropatriarchal culture arbitrarily values parent-child relationships over non-biological kinship."

"I see. And you couldn't have just gotten UberEats or something?"

Zenith scoffs. "I'm supposed to pay more to live because I'm single and don't have anyone to care for me? And you know those delivery apps are so exploitive. It's better to order from the restaurant directly. But then I would have to call for delivery, and I have social anxiety."

"Oh, well, of course. So what you're saying is, it's important to the cause of queer liberation that the lives of everyone in your social circle revolve around you."

Zenith's brow furrows. "Well, I--"

"Would you say that you desire that? For your friends to prioritize you above all else? To care for you, feed you, cater to your every need? Do you…wish it?"

"Well, yes! My life is just as--"

But with a Cheshire cat smile and a twinkle of his pale gray eyes, the stranger has vanished.

+++

That evening, Zenith receives a text from their best friend: come over for dinner tonight?

When Zenith obliges, both their friend and his wife are all smiles. "Oh, don't get up Zenith. Let me get that for you. Have some more. You know we really love you, Z. We haven't shown it enough. You mean the world to us, we really need to prioritize you more. Have some more. Let me get you some more."

Zenith goes home grinning, stuffed to the brim with food and love.

+++

The next day, all of Zenith's friends turn up at their door.

"We've all been talking, Z. We wanted to tell you in person: You're the most important thing in our lives. It's time we acted like it."

From then on, Zenith is hardly ever alone--except when they ask for a little time to themself, of course. Someone is always ready to lend an ear, or join them on the couch or on a walk or even in bed when they require some company. Their every need is promptly and lovingly met. Their bed is made, their clothes and linens washed and folded. Their apartment is swept and scrubbed. Appointments are scheduled for them, and they are ferried dutifully to the doctor, the dentist, the store, the cafe, to where-ever they wish. The dishes are done--done often, as there is always a home-cooked spread at mealtime, and always a snack or morsel whenever Zenith feels the slightest bit peckish.

Zenith is never hungry for more than a moment--and this has a dramatic affect on their waistline.

Outgrowing my clothes! they post to their blog. Hot fatty summer!

+++

When Mother's Day comes again the following year, all of Zenith's friends' mothers turn up, smiling and tutting. Each one prepares a dish, her specialty, and insists that a now very fat Zenith accept second and third helpings.

When clothes that fit become very hard to find, Zenith's friends are happy to make some.

When it becomes too difficult to climb the stairs up to their apartment, everyone pitches in to rent a new one. A ground floor unit with nice, wide doorways.

When initimate personal care becomes impossible for Zenith to tend to on their own, there is a rotating roster of volunteers ready to bathe and dress them.

As Zenith steadily expands, caring for them becomes more logistically complex, a full time affair. Spouses, lovers, and relatives are enlisted to join in the work. Always happily, always with a smile. "We love you, Z. Anything for you."

Perhaps things are getting a bit out of hand… Zenith thinks, fleetingly. It is a bit inconvenient, as the wider world is not made for people who are as large as Zenith has become. But then a twinge of hunger distracts them, and they reach for whatever treat--a cookie, a brownie--is always there at hand, piled tidily on a platter, warm from the oven.

+++

In the midst of Thursday night board games, a timer dings.

"Whose turn is it to check Zenith?"

The designated attendant happily jumps up and bounds into the bedroom. "Need anything Z? Some more water?" "Unnh," a thick voice groans in reply.

Propped up on the bed, covering the entire surface from edge to edge, is a huge heap of flesh. Pampered and stuffed day in and day out, Zenith has grown too fat to move under their own power. Their world is confined to the four walls of the bedroom now.

"Thirsty?"

A cup of fresh water is held to their lips so that they can drink. Their friend has to lean close against their side to reach their face where it rests upturned atop the mound of their body. Deep within their immense belly, their stomach growls.

"Ah, hungry!"

Zenith's mind rebels. Their round, useless hands twitch in impotent protest. But their body responds by opening their mouth to welcome the morsels that are gently pushed into it. Because it's true: they are hungry. So very hungry. Their stomach has been stretched to cavernous capacity. Their body has grown accustomed to a constant stream of food, and it has been over an hour since they last ate.

Tears pool atop their great flabby cheeks as they are fed, eating and eating until temporarily sated again. This is their existence now. Washed and petted and lovingly tended to. Fed. Fed and fed and fed, helpless to do anything now except eat and grow.

Once they are finally satiated, for the time being, their friend cleans their teeth and wipes their face. The bedframe creaks ominously.

+++

"Hey, I think Z is lonely in there."

"Hm. Makes sense. I wish they could join us out here, or that we could all fit together around a table."

"They deserve to literally be at the center of a space, since they're the center of our lives. You know? Right in the heart of everything."

"It's definitely something to think about."

From the bedroom comes a CRACK and a thud and a pitiful, muffled yelp. Everyone leaps up and rushes in to soothe and settle their beloved. The bedframe has collapsed beneath the burden of Z's immense and ever-climbing weight.

+++

They've dubbed themselves the Z Crew, and so the new place is called the Z House. A nice big house, with the first floor built on an open plan.

They moved Z into their new, permanent home just in the nick of time. Had they waited much longer, Z would have grown too large to move. As it was, transporting them was an expensive and delicate affair. Hydraulic equipment was needed to lift Z off of the flattened mattress in the old apartment. Walls were removed, a crane and flatbed rented.

But in the end, it all went smoothly. Now, here in the airy, light-filled space, rests their beloved Z. The living heart of the home.

The Z Crew is always happy to chatter and coo at Z while they go about the unceasing work of feeding, washing, and tending their beloved, but Z themself cannot speak anymore. They have swelled into a monstrous blob. By now their weight is unguessable. Their hands and feet and limbs have long since disappeared into their general mass. There is no neck, no discernable head--only eyes, nose, and mouth sunk deep into a mire of flesh, upturned toward the ceiling. Lips always parted, ready to receive the next morsel of food.

The Z Crew has to climb up on top of Z to feed them now. The slopes of Z's body have become a cherished communal space, where friends recline and talk, lovers cuddle, and games and meals are enjoyed. They are all blissfully content, now that Z has crowded out every other care and commitment and become the center of their lives forever.

As for Z, they have forgotten what it was like to be anyone or anything else other than their friends' burgeoning beloved. They know nothing but fleeting hunger and sweet satiety; the shifting warmth of their friends' bodies against their own bulk; and the inescapable sensation of their own unfathomable weight.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #299: I <3 NY

January, 1989

Mr. Fantastic -- Invisible Woman -- and the Captain versus the... ORPHAN-MAKER?!

Whew, a lot to react to here.

First, hello, 1989! We’re almost 90s here!

Two, ugh, Orphan-Maker and presumably Nanny. Do we have to?

Thirdly, and on the topic of do we have to... Wow, it is going to be a sour feeling when the Avengers 300 issue milestone is a tie-in to an X-Men event. Because it doesn’t end here, in 299.

I know that’s just how things lined up, time-wise. Even Daredevil got choked by a vacuum and had to fight a dentist/cop/truck man. But it is sour. Especially on the heels of all the Dr Druid stuff. The Avengers have one of their best runs and then it all goes to shit and the team is disbanded. And then their big new roster moment takes place during Inferno, fighting X-foes.

Not an auspicious start.

But we haven’t started that start yet.

Right now we have no Avengers, Inferno, a Fantastic Four crossover?, and a the Captain.

How did we get here? That’s a long story. Here’s the short version.

Nebula Ravonna Kang wanted a super-weapon hidden in a bubble in time and she needed the Avengers to help her because of a predestination thing. So she took over the team by corrupting Dr Druid with sex and power fantasies. Dr Druid manipulated Captain Marvel into a depowering and then took over the team. Then he and Nebula Kang Ravonna mind-controlled the three remaining Avengers and took them on a field trip to the time bubble. Where the mind control was broken by three random Kangs, the Avengers fought against Kang Nebula Ravonna and Dr Druid, and then those two fell into a time hole. Plot unsatisfactorily resolved, Thor disbanded the Avengers.

And now we’re now.

This has to be an ironic title, right?

I know the Daredevil tie-in ended with a ‘hell yeah, New York, WHOO!’ moment but that’s Daredevil. I’m almost positive he’s a masochist.

Anyway, between Avengers 298 and now, the Inferno thing has kicked in full swing. Firebrand from Gargoyle’s Quest is attacked tourists. And a motorcycle that turned into a motorcycle robot man attacks the Captain.

Who punches it in the face and turns it back into a motorcycle and rides off on it.

The Captain is pretty unflappable.

I guess the motorcycle had a radio because the Captain hears a report about a major battle at 45th St.

He motorcycles that way and finds there are a bunch of Inferno demons causing trouble but that an unknown group of heroes are giving them a tough time.

Unknown to the Captain. But maybe not to the reader.

(It’s the New Mutants.)

They look like dorks in their shhh we’re sneaking out to endanger our lives, don’t tell Magneto outfits.

Anyway, they’re fighting demons. They’re doing a good job of fighting demons.

If you remember from Evolutionary War, Danielle Moonstar got her powers boosted so she can physically manifest things instead of just illusions now. So she wants to manifest a demon’s greatest fear and the Captain coincidentally shows up and swings a demon into a light pole.

Obviously, everyone first assumes that this weird dude on a motorcycle is the demon’s greatest fear.

In fairness, he looks like dollar store knockoff Captain America.

They don’t recognize him is what I’m saying.

The Captain doesn’t recognize them either. There’s just so many heroes around now and so many X-books.

Cannonball comments that the Captain looks like Captain America, which Steve unhelpfully answers that he and Captain America are old friends.

Are you hiding that you were Captain America, Steve? What’s your game here?

(And Cannonball basically figures out from that coy answer that the Captain is Captain America anyway so. Good job?)

The Captain asks the New Mutants hey what the fuck is going on?

And Cannonball gives Cap the quick and dirty synopsis. There’s a bunch of demons from Limbo causing trouble. S’ym (who is a very, very loose reference to Cerebus the Aardvark) is leading some of them in an invasion of New York. And there’s another demon called N’astirh, possibly because David Sim sternly asked Marvel to stop loosely referencing his stuff, which is rich when you remember all the references in Cerebus. Anyway, N’astirh is doing some nastier stuff involving sacrificing babies. He’s the dude that’s been messing with Madelyne Pryor but I don’t have time to go into Inferno stuff. Please don’t make me.

POINT BEING: that’s the situation.

Unlike Magneto, the Captain doesn’t have a problem with the New Mutants risking their lives. I mean, look how much he risked Bucky! So he tells them good luck fighting demons.

And decides to go recruit some more friends into the fight.

Speaking of things I don’t want to get into but in this case I will.

The Eternals.

After Jack Kirby’s Eternals run wrapped up, some loose ends were tied off in Thor. Usual Eternal leader Zuras is dead, currently, and his daughter Thena is leadering.

And she’s got brave new ideas.

Like letting the Forgotten One out of his jail.

The Forgotten One is an Eternal that’s been in Eternal jail for so long that everyone has forgotten his name. And/or he had his name stricken from the collective minds of Eternals, depending on when you ask. But his deal is that he’s All the Coolest Heroes, Actually. Just a cool Eternal mistaken for Gilgamesh and Hercules and so on.

What? You’re saying that there actually is a Hercules who also claims the same adventures?

Yeah, they were operating in the same area in the same time doing a lot of the same stuff.

Look, Jack Kirby loves Ancient Astronauts and Eternals wasn’t really supposed to be in the Marvel Universe.

Anyway, this guy is gonna be called Gilgamesh so I’ll call him Gilgamesh.

He’s just a big, buff dude with the Prince Valiant haircut.

Since he’s a monster fighting man, Thena sends him to help out with New York’s invasion of demons.

Since time is of the essence, Gilgamesh stops to forge an entire new set of armor and a new sword.

Priorities!

Meanwhile, in Connecticut. The Connecticut Richardses.

Franklin is scared because he had a premonition that a “bogey man” is coming so Sue lets Franklin squeeze into bed with her and Reed.

NOT A PANEL LATER, Nanny and the Orphan-Maker show up in their spaceship.

Orphan-Maker deactivates all the alarm systems and breaks into the house.

He uses some “pixie sand” to make sure Franklin stays asleep. And then he does the thing his name is.

He’s the Orphan-Maker. He makes orphans.

He pulls a gun to blow Reed’s brains out but Franklin astral projected (to Orphan-Maker’s confusion) and called for Sue.

Sue doesn’t wake up but apparently she reflexively threw up an invisible shield over the bed.

Phew. Imagine if two of the original Fantastic Four died in an Avengers book to an X-Men villain! Fans would riot!

The Orphan-Maker decides to just skedaddle with Franklin and does.

NOT A PANEL LATER, the Captain shows up.

Nobody answers when he knocks on the door in the middle of the night.

HOW SUSPICIOUS. 

So he investigates.

(In fairness, he sees the damage Orphan-Maker left breaking into the place.)

So Captain America breaks in through the same window Orphan-Maker left open and finds Reed and Sue sleeping under an invisible force field.

Which he can see, somehow.

Get your eyes checked, Cap. That’s not how invisibility works.

When he touches the shield, it FDSSSPT!s away and Reed and Sue wake up.

Sue says she had a weird dream about using her force field powers (AND THEN WHEN SHE WOKE UP THE PILLOW WAS GONE?) but quickly realizes that Franklin is missing and has parent panic.

Reed leaps into action.

First, he SOMEHOW recognizes that a dude called the Captain wearing a patriotic-ish uniform and carrying a shield is, in fact, Captain America.

He asks Cap what’s going on with him but Cap says that his thing can wait until after the demon invasion/child kidnapping thing.

Second, Reed activates the super-advanced security system.

Sure, the alarm lines were super obvious and easy to cut but the security cameras were running the whole time and captured everything.

Reed doesn’t recognize the armored dude that stole Franklin or the ship he got into but either way, he’s able to track the energy signature of the ship... TO NEW YORK.

Which is where the demon invasion is. Convenient!

Mr and Mrs Fantastic and their good pal the Captain get in a Fantasti-Car and zoom off.

Meanwhile, in the Eternal city of Olympia, Gilgamesh finishes his new armor.

Go back to the drawing board, ya dingus.

Most of it is fine, I guess. And gold and brown isn’t over-represented in the WORST ROSTER so they’re perfectly fine colors. The bull-head helmet looks dumb though.

Also, despite spending time making a new sword, he’s decided that since he hasn’t wielded any weapon in a while, he’s too rusty. So he’s just going to use his FISTS.

Gilgamesh: “I am long out of practice. A weapon too long in the scabbard whose edge has been dulled by time and rust. This will hone me again.”

Meanwhile, above New York City, Nanny leaves Orphan-Maker to pilot the airship while Nanny checks on Franklin.

Nanny is surprised that Franklin is so hard to keep asleep. She runs some scans on him and is further surprised at Franklin’s mutations (hahah cursed future knowledge).

She asks the sleeping kid what his name is and has a panic when he says Franklin Richards and that his mom and dad are Susan and Reed.

Nanny calls Orphan-Maker (Peter) and asks him if he really orphan-made Franklin’s parents and calls him out for lying when he lies about it.

So she swats his robot palm with an electro-switch. Because why not.

Nanny has a Concern now because they kidnapped MR FANTASTIC AND INVISIBLE WOMAN’S KID and didn’t KILL MR FANTASTIC AND INVISIBLE WOMAN!

Hey, I can’t see things going well for you either if you’d half of the first family of Marvel comics.

Now there’s a What If concept.

Anyway, Nanny has a Plan for dealing with PISSING OFF HALF OF THE FANTASTIC FOUR and she heads into the forge to go prepare.

She has a forge on her spaceship. Why wouldn’t she.

The Fantastic Three of Reed, Sue, and the Captain catch up to Nanny’s ship and Reed (gently) knocks it out of the sky with an energy drain.

The Fantasti-Car can do that. Why wouldn’t it?

Nanny’s ship bounces to a very safe and not at all hazardous stop in a park.

The Captain jumps out of the Fantasti-Car instead of waiting for it to park and lands on Nanny’s ship.

Orphan-Maker comes out and starts throwing fisticuffs and the Captain is surprised that the robot-suit dude doesn’t even flinch when Cap gets under his guard and hits him with his Captain vibranium shield. And further surprised when the dude bonks him in the head.

Invisible Sue finds that her powers just slide off Orphan-Maker. Like he’s got some kind of screening device protecting him.

Orphan-Maker hoists the Captain into the air to throw him but Mr Fantastic just snatches him out of O-M’s grip.

Then Orphan-Maker pulls a regular ass gun on Mr Fantastic.

I don’t know why this is so funny to me.

Maybe because he’s pretty clearly a child in a highly advanced robot suit and he pulls out a normal gun.

It has similar energy to those dragonball fanimated videos where characters who can blow up the world panic if someone pulls a gun.

The Captain just throws his not-as-mighty-but-still-pretty-mighty shield and smashes the gun. And when the shield boomerangs back, Cap throws it again and hits Orphan-Maker under the chin. Since the suit is tough but Cap noticed where its weak points were while he was getting hoisted.

Anyway, after getting bonked in the chin with a still-pretty-mighty-shield, Orphan-Maker sits and cries to Nanny that the mean men hurt him.

It starts to dawn on the Captain that inside this robot suit there’s just a small child but he doesn’t get to wrestle over this suspicion long because a different and red robot suit comes out of Nanny’s ship and bonks Cap in the head. Knocking him the fuck out.

People keep punching him in the head today.

Anyway, this is probably, definitely Franklin. Nanny is the kind of sicko who’d put a child in a robot suit and make him kill his own parents.

What a creep.

And she looks like an egg.

Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman now realize that they’ve actually got to contribute to the fight more.

Invisibsue uses force fields to blow a mouth flamethrower so that Reedtastic can get in close and tangle around the new red guy.

But Red-Suit electrifies the exterior of the robot suit. Knocking Reed the fuck out.

Sue realizes that this new red guy doesn’t have a protective screen so she puts an invisible force field around him.

But red dude is beefy and punches through the force field bubble. And she can’t put up another bubble fast enough! But she has enough time to verbalize that she can’t put up another bubble in time!

With Cap unconscious and being sat on by Orphan-Maker and Reed unconscious, nobody is left to save her- Nah, just kidding.

Gilgamesh shows up in a flash of lightning.

I didn’t know he had lightning powers.

Was this supposed to be Thor?

It even does the KRACKTHOOM!

Anyway, Gilgamesh blasts red guy away from Sue.

Nanny comes out of the ship tsk-ing that another hero showed up.

She yells at red guy that his “homework isn’t complete yet! I want these people dead! All of them! And I want them dead now!”

Red guy (it’s Franklin. Its clearly Franklin. Even Sue and Reed realize that its Franklin by now) says he doesn’t want to kill people dead but Nanny threatens to take away his nice robot suit and what’s more “there’ll be no dessert for a month!”

Red Franklin: “Oh, no, Nanny! Not that!”

Nanny is actually pleased that Reed and Sue have finally realize because the knowledge will surely prevent them from fighting back seriously.

(What Nanny doesn’t know is that Reed has put Franklin in a coma at least once.)

Gilgamesh points out that Red Franklin isn’t his son and he’d gladly kill him to stop him from killing his own parents.

Invisible Woman: “Reed, what are we going to do?”

The Captain, who I didn’t know was named Reed: “Offhand, Susan, I’d say we were in for the trickiest fight of our lives!”

Nanny: “What’s so tricky about it? All you have to do is die!”

I say we let Gilgamesh crack this egg. In the violence sense.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because that’s the place. Like, reblog, and comment because it makes me feel good about spending my time liveblogging. Yell at an egg today. That’s no yolk.

[rpclues]

B. Dylan Hollis Out of Context sentence starters

[   quotes taken from various tiktoks made by Dylan | cw: suggestive   ]

“   This is the 70′s we do what we want.   “

“   If you don’t have the buttermilk you can always... buy it.   “

“   They need to have a flat bottom, like me.   “

“    I do everything by hand. I’m very lonely.   “

“   This is for people who hate baking & I don’t like these people.   “

“   Yeah, it’s all right, but it’s all wrong.   “

“   It’s like watching a car crash.   “

“   Whatever you think ‘elevates’ means, YOU’RE WRONG.   “

“   This is a depression meatloaf - which is what I call myself when I’m wrapped in blankets at 2am watching netflix, covered in pop tart crumbs.   “

“    Preferably like my dating life: stale.   “

“   The meat remains unseen. Perhaps it’s waiting for marriage.   “

“   I don’t know if anyone told you, but beef is a cow. You know, the mooing??   “

“   It tastes like it’s saving me money.   “

“   Call me crazy, but I believe a cookie should be sweet.   “

“   Just eat cheese.   “

“   This thing’s heavier than my self-doubt.   “

“   Now we strain it to remove any part of reason.   “

“   I reckon this is a heavy pan. Heavy with a burden of whatever crime I’m going to commit.   “

“   What is a fleeter? I don’t know, nobody knows!   “

“   Just imagine cooking this & telling yourself everything is fine.   “

“   YOU USELESS!   “

“   Nah fam, there ain’t no typo, we want you to yell at your milk.  “

“   This bread going to space.   “

“   Walnuts aren’t my favorite but I’ve been known to never turn down a nut.   “

“   That was character building - good old liquid cardboard.   “

“   Any dentists out there?   “

“   People seem to think it’s from the 50s,. but it’s not. It’s more so typical of the 70s, 80s or a psychopath.   “

“   At least the recipe is self aware.   “

“   Good morning, that’s a lie.   “

“   You know, cabbage is one of those things... I have nothing else to add.   “

“   You could just use canned pineapple... if you’re a communist.   “

“   It doesn’t say you how to eat it, so I don’t know if I should grab knife & fork or I need to tie my hair back.   “

“   I picked it because it has the most nuts I’ve seen & I’ve seen my fair share.   “

“   Filberts are hazelnuts & they are my second favourite nut. My first doesn’t come from a plant.   “

“   This is not going to rise. Which is always embarrassing.   “

“   Never tried that before. Sounds painful.   “

“   You know, fruits & nuts do go hand in hand. I would know, I’m both.   “

[eternivex-a]

Let's Get Rambling... Or Some Shit Like That.

Fandoms: Payday (3), Hardcore Henry, Scarface

Characters: Dallas, Jimmy (HCH), Chains, Hoxton, Tony Montana, Locke

Warnings: Mentions of drug abuse, very very canon divergent, some stuff is referencing an rp I did with my Payday server, and I started this in JANUARY... Sorry it took so long.

Years had passed since the Payday gangs reign of terror over DC and, in all honesty, the world. Their large number of criminals and their skills proved to be far too overwhelming for anything they came across, then they had been caught after trying to rob the white house. The clowns were gone for good.

That's what the world believed for years in their absence. But each one of the members had been living nothing short of their best lives since they disbanded, they were retired and done. At least, that's what they'd been hoping for- until they were dragged back into it.

Heists had proven to be much more difficult as technology evolved and adapted to the passage of time, the law becoming much more of a challenge, because that was somehow possible. Still, adapting to new situations was something they'd done a hundred times over.

Their contacts were limited, and Locke had become their main ally, and Jimmy had made a surprising return after seeing their first endeavor in New York, wanting to assist his old buddies after so long. But that was really all they had, which was why when Locke called and told them that someone wanted to hire them for a job, they became weary, it was lessened slightly with Locke explaining it was another old friend, but it could've been any number of criminals.

They'd been sent the heists information, a simple drug bust. A fair amount of coke was stolen from their contractor, and they wanted it back. It was money, and a friend, both of which they needed. The main thing that got them looking further into it was the demand that Jimmy be brought aboard for the job, they could pick whoever else came, but Jimmy had to be somewhere in their roster.

All of that led to where they were now, an abandoned office building off of a highway that the gang now used as a safehouse. Hoxton had been complaining about the state of it, after getting so used to the lavish safehouse in DC it was only natural that the Brit wouldn't like the place.

It didn't matter to the others though. The building gave the bare minimum, the only real important part was that they could all hide out, and also- plan. That being just what they were doing in the lounge on the first floor, their masks and firearms strewn about the area with a large blueprint of the building their target gang was hiding in.

"D'you think we can go in through the roof and get the jump on them?" Jimmy suggested, making Dallas shake his head. "We don't know exactly where they're holding the coke until they can sell the stuff, if they're too far below and they hear us then they'll just run." He grumbled, rubbing his forehead. This was a lot easier when they had the dentist around, not something that would be spoken aloud but the sentiment was nonetheless shared with the other members.

Everyone was silent in thought, scratching at their hair and drumming fingers against the old wooden table. "Maybe we c... Hold it." Chains stopped, listening closely as footsteps became audible to everyone else in the room. Panic spread as they realized that someone knew where they were, it wasn't like anyone would just come down here either- even Locke didn't know where the gang were holed up.

Eyes turned to meet one another before they rushed into action, staying as quiet as they could in the process. Chains went straight for his sawed off shotgun while Jimmy grabbed a hold of his akimbo Chimano pistols, Dallas and Hoxton rushed with their firearms to aim down the other side of the hallway in case of a possible ambush.

Chains moved up and went to the door, opposite of the side it would open so he could surprise whoever entered. Jimmy went to the staircase, stopping halfway up to keep aim at the door and being hidden by the dark at the same time. It creaked open ever so slowly, letting the moonlight shine inside. The first noticeable thing was the black suit jacket the intruder wore, a red cuff on the wrist.

They slowly stepped inside, seeming to be unarmed as they looked around, unable to see any of the heisters. The door behind them was closed shut by Chains, who kept his shotgun aimed steadily at their head. The other slowly turned to look him up and down, hands leaving their pockets.

Dark eyes stared down the barrel of Chains shotgun before raising to meet his gaze, "You better make sure you kill me with that, Chains." The man spat with a thick accent, accompanied by a devilish grin, seemingly unfazed by the fact that his entire life could be wiped out with a single pull of the trigger. Only one man that the gang had met spoke like that, with such confidence irradiating from each word, his balls of steel were still there after years. He certainly kept to his word.

"...Tony?"

"Took you long enough." Tony's grin turned into a genuine smile, "How you doin', mane?" He laughed, smacking Chains on the shoulder lovingly while he lowered the gun. "You scared the shit out of us, I was about to shoot y-"

"TONAYYY!" Jimmy hollered out, rushing down the stairs and jumping off the last 4 steps to crash into the kingpin, nearly sending him off of his feet. "It's been too fuckin' long man!" His smile was wide as he grabbed onto Tony's shoulders, shaking him a little as he spoke.

The enthusiastic shouting was enough to draw the attention of the other two heisters, who now made their way back. Hoxton stopped as soon as he saw who stood there, Dallas noticed quickly and looked back. Hoxton and Tony didn't have anything close to a good history, not after the traded blows and the knife Tony put through Hoxtons shoulder. But these were different times, and they seemed to had moved past that beforehand. It still wasn't enough to change the mix of fear and anger that came bubbling up with those memories, it was only enough to bring it down ever so slightly.

"Would you look at what the cat dragged in?" He piped up, trying to calm his own nerves as he approached the titular Scarface. Tonys gaze moved right past Dallas and focused onto Hoxton, as much as he would've killed to make a crack about the fact that this time Hox hadnt been replaced, he forced himself to hold it down. "It's good to see you too, Hoxton. Dallas." Tony nodded while he formally greeted the two, pulling himself away from Jimmy.

"How'd you find us? What're you even-.." Dallas went quiet as realization hit him, "You're the contractor?" He asked, Tony nodded with a grin. "That's me alright, wanted to see how you boys were doin'. I know you'll get my yeyo back from those fuckin' punks." Rage was evident in his tone as soon as he mentioned the job at hand, but it was clear who it was really directed at.

The kingpin started to push his way past the heisters, going over to the table with blueprints and other pictures scattered along it. "I don't miss this part." He mumbled with a soft chuckle, "You guys found a lot... Shit, the only thing we're missing is where his parents are buried." Jimmy quickly scooted over to Tony, "You want me to see what I can do for that?" He offered.

"...I'm good." Tony set a hand on the table, "You're thinkin' of goin' quiet with this?" He frowned at the sight, standing up a little straighter as he focused further on their written out plans. Hoxton gave a quick glance to Chains, who only shrugged in a silent response. "Something wrong with that, Tony?" Dallas spoke out, standing across the table from the drug lord. "Well, you can go quiet. But I'll pay you more if you make this go loud, real fuckin' loud."

Jimmy's eyes lit up at that, but Dallas squinted. "Excuse me?" He nearly scoffed, "I'll pay you more if you make this go public. I want people to know what happens when 'dey fuck, with Tony fucking Montana." Tony stood a little taller, pressing his palms into the table. "But... If you want to go quiet for it, I can't stop you. My products what I want, but two birds with one big fuckin' gun, right?"

Tony's soft chuckling was the only sound in the room for a few moments before it went quiet, "Well, you know when to go. I'll be on the comms... Or whatever the fuck they're called." Hoxton let out a snicker, "You on those? You know how to even use those?"

Tony rolled his eyes, "Lockes been showin' me how to use 'dat shit. Whatever, just get ready. I know you boys won't disappoint." With that, he went back around the table, giving Jimmy a small pat on the shoulder as he walked by him and back out of the building, shutting the door behind him. "So, I'm assuming stealth is out of the window." Hoxton commented, breaking the silence. "What? Why?" Chains questioned, turning to the other heister.

Hoxton simply jerked his head to the side, pointing directly at Jimmy. "You really think he's gonna let an offer like that go?" Chains hummed low in response, he was right. They could see the eagerly violent enthusiasm in the cokeheads eyes, so that decision was made nearly immediately.

The only decisions to be made afterwards were what weapons to bring, if Tony wanted it public, it was going to be real damn loud, bringing something to bring that volume was all that was left.

[batcavescolony]

Supernatural S6 E6

That's not servsafe complaint. Dean thinks Sam ain't Sam, which fair, love Sam but fair. Sam is intense during this interview. Honestly good for the Dentist, great Dad. Truth Hurts? Dean think Sam is a doppelganger. I think the news program has something to do with it, it was going off the same time. Gabriel's horn, Cas is back! Cas giving Dean a drink like 'yeah you need this'. "Where did you look? " "... Everywhere". I love Cas just popping in and popping out. The bodies are going MIA!?! Weird. Again the news program! Dean's cursed now. Dean calling Bobby and he gets pedicures, good for him he deserves some pampering. Dean is Bobby's favourite but he thinks Sam is the better hunter. Oof Dean wants to use his new powers on Sam to see what's going on. Lisa❤ beloved, she called when he was cursed so she's gonna tell the truth 😭 AHHH this is gonna HURT ain't it? Oof, she's not... Wrong. But I know why Sam and Dean are this way and it starts with a 'J' ends with a 'ohn'. Sam says he froze and didn't mean to let Dean get turned. WHAT DID I SAY! news lady. Oof she asked Dean what she thought of Sam, he through he was a monster but now he know he's just like him, a killer. Now Sam, how does he feel about Dean being back, and she says he can lie to her. She says Sam isn't human.... Oof. This is gonna cause drama ain't it? Seeds of Doubt have been sown. Sam says something is wrong with him and he came back with no feelings, and in that he let Dean get turned. Don't agree with Dean hitting Sam but I get it.

[phtalogreenpoison]

vent up ahead!!! tread with caution

i need to finish packing tonight. to move out. but it literally makes me sick to my stomach and so anxious because it's not the act of moving out, but where i'm moving to. which is my parents' house, a place that someone i know has literally referred to as "hell," and as a young teenager who never cursed, couldn't help but agree.

and see here's the thing. my family's better, now. or at least supposed to be. and in a lot of ways they are, but it's still them who i have memories of fighting all the time. who i cannot forget or forgive, at least not yet. not until i'm free of them.

are other families worse? i'm sure. but yeah, i guess it's normal to have CPS called when your sister has an ED and your parents haven't noticed or known what to do for months when you were 9 (sarcasm). sure i guess it's normal for your parents to threaten divorce to each other and hold who gets the paycheck over the other's head. sure it's normal for your brother to try to choke your sister when you're 14-15 because he's mentally ill and thinks she's possessed because she was mean to him. sure it's normal for your sister to threaten suicide if she doesn't get what she wants from you when you're in middle school. sure it's normal to come home from school to find out cooling (luckily) tea was thrown at your mom. sure it's normal to look into restraining orders because you're scared a family member might corner you at school when you're 17. sure! it's normal when you're mother told you you're responsible if your sister dies, you're her murderer (which she didn't die luckily) because you were 18 and trying to limit a toxic relationship and didn't know how to respond during an episode.

and i have to go back to this haunted hall of memories? to this place which i still jerk awake at my current apartment thinking someone is banging at my door? it's not fair.

and maybe i did things i shouldn't have. maybe i could have responded better.

BUT I WAS A CHILD.

a child who was expected to be perfect. who was expected to be the role model to older siblings who resented that. who was supposed to be the snitch, and later realized that made everything worse. who was supposed to be the golden child, and yet not supposed to need any emotional support because "you're SO mature!"

and yet, things are better so i'm supposed to repair my relationships with the people who hurt me. who maybe i hurt. and this is when things are GOOD. (when i still haven't seen a dentist in 4 years because of a parent's paranoia, when i'm like 80% sure i have BPD and would never DREAM of telling my family, when i STILL don't know how to access my savings and had to go behind their backs to make a checking account, when my brother thinks my dad is going to hell for a traffic violation, you get the picture)

and i'm not supposed to grieve? who even am i? and who am i when i go back to that haunted place?

it hurts. God, it hurts so much.

please tell me it gets better.

[the-firebird69]

Freddie Mercury Queen And Michael Jackson #shorts

So I heard you said Tito's haircut is little on fire on stage you said and I heard it again from him here and he said oh okay so he's helping me out he doesn't want to be smoking it looks weird it smokes marijuana in the future if there's no need for cigarettes it's juicing up and I already juiced mine and so he says this I don't need to hear that stuff but it's true and this is a joke too he said it's in living color in this idiot started that TV show

Tell the dentist head in cold water twice a day and it says it works and it actually does it makes you think and it cool off and to calm down and start doing it again it's still a ransom person he's terrible that guy is everything and nothing all the time I wonder if they're down there it was part of that truly man fleet trillion man fleet

Garth

But checking that we don't see anything so far and we didn't see it go there and we saw some of it go to Saturn and we're calling the guys and they say we don't know they may have been some blips

MAC daddy

Fair enough of this s*** wearing a lot of trouble we have to check we're going to try and do it bja

We both should we have to do something these Giants are gigantic I don't I don't want to make any jokes they're just way too big and he's right we're a bunch of jackass stiffs

Mac daddy

Now you see what we're saying you're running around circles there's nothing to do bothering our son getting in trouble losing your money and stuff so just taking it cuz we need it and we don't care about your program that much we'll run your share with ease

Thor Freya

By the way we have a whole bunch of stuff coming down right now sort of but it's intermingled with everybody and they know it's for them cuz I see it and it is and it's for factories and Trump has been threatening them all the time and they're waiting to get out so they can get rid of them I'll tell you what that guy is a huge a******* and he's put hits on him and we're getting rid of the clan and we just if we can't stand it start getting rid of them cuz you need to feel better other than complaining to someone who's trying to work on it and everybody is doing it and everybody has to listen and they're not if you want to feel better about it get out there and cut them in half where You are and you'll feel better. Now I understand something he's been saying it and saying you're not listening Thor and Freya if you're tired of them go cut them in half it's the same not to we have to have some sort of inquiry

Frank Castle hardcastle

And yeah we evoke the reaction but we see

It

..

These people are very very annoying and we are going to go after them and he's right we should not put up with it we still are and he's just going to sit here demanding it he says those are my Giants and I want people to pay attention to me they're very dangerous they're huge one of them could rampage and destroy a country in a few minutes and he wants these stupid assholes out. I do have to listen to that they're way too big and we can't lose one of them and we have to get on this I'll tell you what I am so sick of hearing this and he says good find someone who's free like my kids or something and tell them that we need this and it's going to help in infant testimony it is just really going to help and we need to go berserk so it doesn't take long and we just keep doing it and in groups in groups and patches it's just disgusting it's disgusting there come on let's get rid of them and so I hear him and we're venting but really it's been ordering it and ordering it and it is sitting here next door bothering him like it's legal and people are trying but they just not doing it he says why don't we get up and destroy them with Giants and everybody will fight them over them it's been seen or kill them with Giants and then nobody cares and we do see that I mean I want that done he says I want to test right now and I want to go to Olympus and someone to support it and my son and daughter-in-law say they will and say I'm saying I'm going to champion it and we're going to get with them and go now it's a great idea nobody's going to care they'll just run up there and die and we need to raise them

Duke nukem Blockbuster

Yeah you go up there a sloth and you feed them your blood and they raise and they rise and they destroy the rest of you you're a cur in a weekly and a stupid pots for sitting there making my home into a prison that's what you deserve you'll think you're going to get one cuz you're such a putz you won't get anything you're a weakling and a f****** retard you don't have any AI that does anything and your interface is fail and like an hour in humans and this is much harder

Zues Hera we're not going to tell you how to do it either even though we're talking you stupid s***

I sort of get the message get out of here and stay out and die and stuff and this is how and it does work on me and I'm getting out of here if I die of you to blame I guess thank you I'm trying to kill you you puts and people will hurt you and I said no they won't they're going to thank me like your grandson and your son forgetting the rid of the f*** of you cuz you're f****** horrible you piece of garbage and he says all that and it's probably true probably

Billy Hicks

I like how it says that cuz you were this fool in 5th grade who went around bothering everyone and you got the s*** kicked out of you and you kept doing it finally they had him get kick you out and I tell you what he's got power but everyone's got behind it and they put those notes in there and that's what it says he didn't do it you but f*** we had him say it because he wanted him to put you to bother him and get rid of you that's what's happening now everyone's getting ready to even us

Dan

We have to help him now he wants these guys out we know that the Giants will work on them and it'll draw them in first it did in Tortuga and they can't find their ass or their elbow down there and they can't even find them at all in Maine that's why these movies start we think

Thor Freya

Olympus

[deangirldisease]

.