#to find the proper antithesis to it and see what i like from there but. i dont know chief

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

ME ASK U THE 21TH QUESTIONS

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

hard one to answer b/c 1) i don't even know what exactly what category my art style would fall in, so therefore i don't necessarily know what would be the opposite of it? 2) idk how to properly categorize art styles in general or like the names and stuff [aside from like generic umbrella categories]

its kinda basic[???] but i do def have admiration for the rubberhose cartoon style, and/or also like that sort of early western 2000s cartoon style?? really exaggerated expressions and fun dynamic poses that sort of break proper logic but LOOK really fun and expressive in general, i wish i could do smthn like that lolll

there's also just some art styles that i feel are more soft and "rounded" ig?? i have no idea if that makes sense but those are sometimes interesting to look at too, i feel personally my art style's very like pointy/sharp? so i feel like i struggle w/ trying to make smthn softer w/ rounded edges and cutesier? (like best example i'd be able to think of is making like chibis. i suck at those 😭)

i have mixed feelings on [photo?]realism, and idk if this necessarily correlates w/ that but for a really niche one: vintage woodcut/lithograph illustrations (basically the really scratchy sorta ones you'd see in like really old books or newspapers?) are so fascinating to me, especially more so considering the medium but i also just like how they look its very interesting... not sure how to describe it properly b/c there's also quite some variation but it just looks so coolll

weirdly specific artist asks

[muzzleroars]

hello do you have any v2 headcanons. i love the Heem

v2.....my tragic little child i DEFINITELY have thoughts....

tbh something about v2 just REALLY gets to me, and i think it's just the fact that this thing never had a chance - it was created to recoup losses on the v-series when the war ended but that was desperate, unworkable, and so it got shelved while the new peace continued undisturbed without it. and when humanity is lost, it goes into hell with the rest of the machines but what can it do when faced by something like v1, a being that was made for this? v2 is in v1's world, it has to meet it on v1's terms, and so it could never succeed. like everything in its life, it lost before it even began, already obsolete before it can prove itself.

i've talked about it before of course, but v1 is the machine turned animal, it has embraced its errors and has spun off from its programming long ago, while v2 is digging its nails into its protocol, doing everything it can to stay "sane" when nothing in the world is. v2 forever wants to be the enforcer of peace, it still wants to show what it can do even though there's no one to see it now. in a way, it lives in a fantasy, proving something only to itself by somehow trying to find a way to enact order in hell. it never got its chance and so it's taking it now, in a dead world that can't be at peace where it will never be acknowledged. and its programming is going bad too, it's culling any code that could be errant without much oversight because it wants perfection...and its convinced itself this isn't for survival, that it's not scavenging for blood but instead bringing back the new peace. it destroys other machines and it slaughters husks, but only because they're hostile, they insist on engaging, and at this point it doesn't really understand they can be no other way. and as far as v1 goes, it isn't fighting it just to prove it can win, that it was always the superior model, but because a war machine is its antithesis. if v1 exists, there will never be peace.

and it gets stuck on that.

it challenges v1 a second time not just from hurt pride, but because every bit of its programming has fixated on it and the alarms are constant now, the war is advancing and it's killing everything in its wake. v2 is failing. it finally has its chance, and it's letting everyone down. and too, a lot like what i discussed with gabriel, this is leading to a breakdown in its identity. its potential was a promise, it was a dream it had, it ran so many simulations of the good work it could do, would do, but v1 tears it apart, it shatters what holds up its mental framework. and so v2 really can do nothing else but challenge it again. it needs to win, to stop the war, to be the machine it was made to be decades ago, to be who it always imagined itself to be. but that second encounter proves it only ever really was imagination. it was never true. it aspired and it fell short, the world it made for itself fell apart just as it died.

its life is just so unfair, and that kind of thing really gets to me with ai characters ;o; BUT i want to end this on a...lighter? note, and also give a more proper list of headcanons rather than just characterization so!!

v2 is very skilled with modifications and building due to it trying to find purpose when its usage for the new peace was falling through. it wants to do whatever it can to remain relevant, so it used its incredible mind to devour information on hardware construction and how to improve machines. it didn't really ever get the chance to show this off either, however, since no one ever knew it taught itself so much and so never asked for its help.

it's probably obvious, but v2 is a much more introspective being than v1 and it has a more powerful imagination. its mind is modeled quite similarly, but it had the proper limitations placed on it and it was given much more exposure to human thought models to help it relate to people better. so v2 is actually kind of dreamy and spends a lot of time in its head (but don't mistake this for sensitivity - v2 is a dreamer, but it has an extremely tough shell and it doesn't share its deeper internal life. both because it never wants to project weakness and because well...its strong imagination isn't really shared with other machines. they wouldn't get it).

however, much like v1, v2 is naturally very curious and it needs a lot of stimulation for its massive mind - it enjoys playing and it automatically understands how to limit itself unlike v1. it's quite competitive and it would endlessly challenge someone to another round after another round if anyone would humor it. and although it's sort of supposed to be programmed to not win every time, it's found ways to circumvent that.

talks. talks a lot. it has so many thoughts and it wants to articulate every single one!! it also quickly forms opinions of anything and everything, so that's even more to say!! mostly this is talking incessantly to the terminals, who are as quiet as ever but obviously very much enjoy the company. it also speaks many more languages than v1.

v2 has good posture. just. it still stands upright and any modifications it makes are seamless (v1, by contrast, has a goofy neck and silly posture because of weird code and weird modifying on its part)

it has a sense of aesthetics, another thing many machines have no concept of. it can actually look at any of the art in hell and get something out of it, and it alone understands the surrounding area as "unpleasant". additionally, this led to some of its agitation in limbo, as it was an exceedingly uncanny place (creeped out not in a fear sense but in a "thanks! i hate it" sense lol)

[anulithots]

The Great dynamics showdown

Ankh and Anuli have been eliminated! (Because they have no interactions yet so that's funny.)

Now for the quest to see what is the best Land of the Fallen Fairies dynamics!

This really makes it sound like Kamari tis the main character. (Fae isn't... but fae should be /half joking)

If you vote, please tell me why you voted for your choice! (I must have answeerrrrrssssss.)

AND NOW PROPAGANDA:

VOTE FOR ANKH AND KAMARI:

Kamari raised faer head in what fae hoped seemed dignified. "And how do you propose I help you?"

The fairy shook faer head. "Not 'help'... assist," fae looked to Kamari, "You must accompany me to my tree and see for yourself what my status is. See if that matches the life they promised me."

Kamari flicked faer ears. It should match. By the fates, the future Ankh got should match the life the elders promised faer. If it didn't... the High Protector wouldn't know what to do with faerself.

Kamari nodded. "I agree to help yo-"

"Assist."

"I agree to," Kamari hissed as fae walked on faer injured foot, "help you. But I expect to return before sunset."

"Not now"

Kamari burried a whine. "For what reason?"

"You're bleeding," the fairy tilted faer head, "And you didn't treat your wounds from before."

"And that's none of your concern. We can leave now."

"No."

Kamari sighed. Fae needed the next two days to earn the elder's good graces. "I'll feel better when we leave so can we please-"

"They'll get infected."

"And you're worried about this because....?"

The fairy downturned faer ears as if the answer was obvious. "Infections could kill you."

That explained nothing. "Then I can stay here, and you won't get your confirmation. We're leaving now or not at all."

VOTE FOR ANULI AND KAMARI

"And so, the fluffs existed in all forms, prevalent on even the smallest ant's antennae-"

"Prevalent. How fancy."

"And yet, their wonders and horrors, greatest peaks and lowest failures, they only existed in the off chance of sunlight shinning in a particular way."

Kamari hummed. "Tragic."

"Isn't it? You can only see them when the shadows grow. And when they do, I STILL have to stare for a LONG time."

"Maybe you're catching them at a bad time, and they have to prepare their act."

I gasped. "An ACT?? That's the antithesis of this story!"

"You caught them by surprise."

"I-Wha-" I twirled my antennae, in and out in a spiral.

.......

I shook my ears. "PLOT TWIST!"

Kamari giggled. "Oh no, let me mentally prepare."

"No no - this isn't like the last mass character death. This time there's...."

"There's?"

"I'm pausing for dramatic effect."

"Oh. Sorry." Fae twirled faer hand, "Cary on."

I bounced on my toes. "Wind crept along the horizon - closer and closer until -" I fanned out my hands. "WHIRLWIND EXPLOSION AND EVERYONE CRASHES INTO EACH OTHER - their stories still untold - IN A MASSIVE, GLORIOUS...."

Wait.

"Another dramatic pause?"

"I may have accidentally committed mass character death."

Kamari laughed. "Maybe they can dance instead? So they don't crash into each other?"

I blinked. "Feasible solution to the plot hole... but I don't know how fluffs could dance."

Kamari stood, ears downturned.

Fae took a deep breath, in, out.

Did I not find a proper solution? Did Kamari not like my indecent use for over-the-top character development?

Kamari lept.

And bounced.

Flapping faer ears and swirling faer arms in wild gestures.

(Just imagine the most ridiculous dance that a sophisticated character can do.)

Fae flicked faer antennae. "Like this?"

My breath caught, all my words fading on my tongue.

Before dissolving into a fit of giggles.

"No! It's more like-" I buzzed my wings and kicked my feet in a swirling mess.

Kamari gasped. "Anuli. And I thought you were smart, it's obviously-" Fae outstretched faer wings and shook them in random spurts.

I laughed so hard my stomach stung.

Place of Tethers, the cut on my neck, all villainy and nefarious plans, left to be washed away by laughter.

And it was, wonderous.

@waitingforthesunrise @sm-writes-chaos @holdmyteaplease @full-on-sam @awleeofficial @clearcloudlesssky @gummybugg

Let me know if you wish to be added/removed to the tag list <3

[simmonsized]

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it. 13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written (and why u are proud)

Again, this is hard because I'm shy and because man I don't know. But okay, RNG chapter 18, there is this shitty convo between Dirk and Bro that really just was so thrilling to write, because mostly I focus on healing and learning kindness but I like when I get to write Bro being shitty, especially if it is to another version of himself haha. Here is part of it:

TT: aww did big baby get his panties in a knot. TT: I just didn't see any point in me responding when all you really have to say is a bunch of useless insults wrapped up in poor phrasing and a lack of proper enunciation. TT: Would you prefer I mimic the perfect syntax of my youth? TT: Break away from the slapstick humor of my "aww hell naw" Texan routine, put on a show of self-congratulatory wit worthy of my acumen? TT: Leaving us both wondering, which came first? The alpha, or the beta? TT: Are you superior to me simply because you are the antithesis of what I claim to be? TT: Or perhaps because you talk in large, looping circles around me and all your little cronies? TT: Or am I superior in that I am fully aware of our ironic pageantry, and the fact that friends and family alike find it tiring, as well as distastefully condescending?

Truly, writing Dirk and Bro can be the funniest, dumbest shit alive, because while Bro can be this kind of menacing representation of fear and anxiety for Dave, for Dirk it is like a big awful mirror, and in this case it was fun to be like, "how would bro view a younger version of himself thrust into his life?"

And the answer ended up being, that much like alpha Dave, he initially refuses to acknowledge Dirk as his own person, treating him like he's just a ghost of his younger self, and so things that don't bother him can't possibly bother Dirk.

I had a lot of fun with their dynamics when writing c:

13. Best writing advice.

Honestly just learning to write for myself. Sometimes when you post a thing and it gets feedback it can make it more daunting because I worry people have expectations of me, so relearning to just write for the hell of it, and that I can make things as short or long as I want? That took a lot of time for me, and has been really helpful in keeping me from getting writing paralysis (my biggest hurdle right now is free time to write lol). Before posting I was pretty shyly skulking around the fandom, so it has been quite a journey!

Also that I do not actually need to kill my darlings, and can simply sequester them into their own file to live forever for no reason other than my own pride, I really loved that specific idea and advice haha

[otaku553]

I gotta say your gijinka Kirby in the BNHA and KMY universes is quite cool as well as cute due to how Kirby looks so I was wondering what is the interaction between the proper characters from both anime/manga is like with Kirby?

HAHA OMG I haven’t gotten to talk about this in so long!

Ok so in bnha the idea was mostly Meta Knight as a Pro Hero and Kirby as kind of an illegal sidekick that Meta Knight never registered because hero society has something called child labor laws :) and so to avoid that, he eventually used some kind of loophole to enroll Kirby in UA so that Kirby could legally work under him as a hero intern. In this universe Kirby would just be a bundle of joy to their classmates and not necessarily take Heroics very seriously because they’ve been doing it for so long that it doesn’t really phase them the way it does the hero-hopefuls who think that being at UA will drastically change their lives. This rubs some people off the wrong way, but most find that Kirby’s nonchalance is refreshing in a place of high pressure and expectation. In any case, Kirby has to confront at some point that despite their physical strength and overall power from copy ability, there are things they can’t solve by smacking. Or maybe the responsibility that comes with having so much power, or maybe the possibility that they are the natural antithesis to darkness and evil and are the sole person able to fight against the manifestation of negativity that is dark matter :)

As for KNY, Kirby would be in a similar situation to Muichirou in that they’re so powerful that at a young age they were promoted to Pillar, but were definitely not mature enough for the position not prepared for the responsibilities of it. In any event I never put Kirby in a world without Meta also, so Meta would attend Pillar meetings as Kirby’s substitute since Kirby wouldn’t understand most of the meeting anyways. Kirby’s favorites among the Pillars would be Rengoku and Mitsuri immediately, maybe all of the others given the time to get close to them, since they have a way of naturally warming up to people. Most of the Pillars are just sad that the responsibility of being a Pillar has been handed to child, since no child should have to take up a mantle of killing, no matter how skilled. They’re maybe even unsettled by the way Kirby so easily disposes of opponents, as if they hardly need to think about it. But aid is aid, no matter what form it takes, and they’re in no position to deny it, so they might as well try their best to let the child at least have a normal childhood around them.

The trouble with putting Kirby into any world is always that Kirby is vastly overpowered for any and basically every setting, including their own series. But overpowered characters are still fun to play with character-wise, since they break what we know of character struggles and development. We get to see less standard development, such as the way having great responsibility from a young age crushes someone, or the way strength too great to fathom creates consequences that a child cannot comprehend that may come back to haunt them later.

[drew-mga2022mi6021]

Conceptualisation | Initial Story Refinement

Three Act Structure - Syd Field

Upon further reflection, I realise that while the concept and meaning of my film idea are solid, I lack a proper beginning (an inciting incident) and obstacles within the story. To flesh this out, I will be using the Three Act Story Structure as a base.

The idea of a dream sequence is overdone, so I want to try and deviate from this as much as possible. Sticking with the theme of a society that has slowed down, that takes time to enjoy the smaller things in life, in order to convey this idea effectively the protagonist must start out as the antithesis to this philosophy; either overworked or mentally drained (depressed). The inciting incident cannot simply be a piece of dialogue. I realised that I had become too caught up in the 2 minute timeline that I had foregone the basic necessities of fleshing out a complete story. Yes, a character can be involved in the inciting incident, but a word or phrase itself cannot be this catalyst.

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off - Brian Lee O'Malley

Returning to one of the fundamental questions that I explored in my initial mind map; what does it take to inspire change? I focused in on love, however the execution of this must be different in order for the story to be more impactful. Perhaps it is because of a loved one's actions or wishes that this change takes place, such as in the case of the Scott Pilgrim series.

Scenario I : The Partner's Departure

One idea could be that of the main character being in some form of deep depression, with their partner not knowing how to help. We could see the partner leaving this person's house. This final straw could spur our main character into changing their life. Furthermore, this character reappearing at the end as the main character experiences the sunrise makes that scene more meaningful.

Scenario II : Overworked MC

The protagonist could be returning home really late (early morning) after university or work, when they receive a call from a friend/partner/family member. This person could express their concern for the protagonist's lifestyle, and asks them when the last time they really did something just because they wanted to. This could trigger some flashbacks to work or uni, and how they are unsatisfied with their life as it is. This motivates them to finally take control into their own hands, and catch a ride to see the sunrise. (or hire a bike. In a solarpunk society, would this not be the preferred mode of transport?)

The next facet of this story that I want to explore are the challenges our main character will face on their journey. According to the above structure, act two should contain a set of obstacles, a twist, a disaster, some form of crisis and the climax. In this case, the climax would be our protagonist finally seeing the sunrise. One thing that benefits me about this story is that catching the sunrise is a time sensitive mission, there could be all sorts of roadblocks (literal and metaphysical) that could hinder our hero on their way.

Act II

This could involve the main character's bicycle getting a flat tyre, resulting in them having to find a rickshaw in the early hours of the morning. Additionally, the second act doesn't have to build in a straightforward manner, as this may bore the audience. There could be ups AND downs. I want to bring back the idea of involving the people of Solarpunk Sri Lanka being part of these obstacles or boons. Sri Lankan street vendors setting up early morning, perhaps, or the main character being blessed by a road that was closed opening up. As an underlying idea, I want to also incorporate the character arc of the main character learning to slow down and take notice of the lives around them.

As of right now, I am not sure how I want to end the film from the three options that I worked on earlier, as the three of them seem to be a good fit. The ideal fit will likely make itself known as I work on the story more.

[modgirlyreposts-revamped]

Not to pat myself on the back but like- Farha is a great character, I’d love to tell you about her

Basically, Farha Salim is a sixteen year old Pakistani engineering student who specializes in computer engineering. She’s lived her whole life under unfair expectations, being expected to be a proper and modest person, soft and innocent, a victim. But she hates being seen as what she isn’t, and she does everything in her power to resist those expectations, which stem both from being seen as the successor to Chihiro, and being a girl of color. A lot of the societal expectations she sets out to subvert are actually based more on what’s expected of women in Pakistan and what western society tends to think of especially Asian women. My best example of this is that Farha wears a mid-length cargo skirt with a slit in one side. In Farha’s life she’s been told she needs to cover herself, wear long pants or long skirts, and so she wears a knee length skirt instead. She’s not “supposed” to be an engineer, and when she becomes one she’s seen as the successor of Chihiro, who was soft and meek and shy and would never hurt a fly and Farha HATES it because everyone expects her to just be a new Chihiro in both profession and personality. She embodies the opposite of Chihiro in every way.

Farha is a determined and driven girl with a strong sense of righteousness and morality. She values life strongly and thinks that no killer should ever be allowed to walk free. She won’t speak ill of the dead, won’t ever threaten to kill anyone, and believes that there is no excuse or justification for killing an innocent person. While she’s actually pretty insecure and questions if she really wants to be an engineer because of all the eyes on her and the expectations everyone projects onto her, she knows she’s smart and wants to use her skills to help people.

She really doesn’t want to just be an innocent victim like Chihiro was, and she resents that everyone expects that of her.

During the killing game she finds herself with two… interesting relationships. The first of them is Masumi Kosuke, who she looks up to as someone who doesn’t care what the world thinks of him and wishes she could be as genuinely confident as him. Both of them are disliked by the world with expectations pushed into them for who they should be, and neither wants to change who they are and both want to resist their expectations. However she doesn’t realize that she only knows Masumi’s confident front, and that he thinks the same thing as her- “they’re so cool, I wish I was that confident. I hope they don’t know I’m just trying to fake it.”

Her other interesting relationship is with Ahana Bhatt, the ultimate journalist. Ahana is a sensitive and emotional person, and dislikes Farha for her tough persona and brash attitude. She says that Farha may think she’s so righteous and good but one day she’ll take her stupid front too far and do something she’ll regret. Farha thinks Ahana is a thoughtless, self centered and self victimizing person and later on even refers to her as a hypocrite for treating others like that when she’s supposedly even worse. Farha sees Ahana as the antithesis to herself, conforming to social expectations, beaten down, harsh and cold, blaming others, and… well, I suppose how she stands as the antithesis to Farha’s strong moral compass can’t be shared without spoiling how they play into the story.

I can tell you though one last similarity: both of them are only children. Just maybe not quite the same.

Chihiro was one of my favorite characters besides Makoto Togami and Kirigiri, so I already am interested in Farha’s character

[jmalegni]

Spirited Away

Wow, I am going to be honest, I did not go into this movie thinking that it would be an incredible experience. Initially, I had no idea what to expect, never heard of Studio Ghibli or Spirited Away at all and I thought it would be some generic kids movie. But I was so wrong.

I'll start with my impression of Chihiro, she starts as a scared girl who has just moved away from everything she had known. Her parents seem to not have much regard for her concerns either, especially when she is at an extremely vulnerable point in her life. I mean I can totally relate to her in this sense, as a child moving from all your friends, your home, your old school, and suddenly being expected to just fit into a completely foreign place is very upsetting. This along with both parents seeming to disregard her uncomfortableness with the theme park and them gorging on the suspicious food, paints Chihiro as a weak victim of her parents own desires. Now I understand that not everything a parent does needs to be catered toward their child but still, they are very much putting themselves first in this situation (even with the mother telling Chihiro to stop clinging to her!). However, after meeting Haku, and settling into Yubaba's resort/onsen she starts to become more confident. This is evident through the way she moves around, Lin initially yells at her for being a klutz because she is tripping and falling all the time, as she becomes accustomed to her new living conditions, she is able to run along pipes, and scale large walls. By the end of the movie, she is confident enough to pretty much face down Yubaba and win her parents back. I thought it was awesome to see her grow so much in this short period.

Now, I will get to No Face. This character really puzzled me for a while because I couldn't really find why he seemed to be so important in the story or why he was so attached to Chihiro. I came to interpret that No Face is a kind of representation of "the golden rule" you know, treating others the way you want to be treated. No Face is set apart from the other spirits right off the bat with how he notices Chihiro through Haku's spell on the bridge, as to why he can I do not know. But when No Face finally "confronts" Chihiro, she treats him kindly by inviting him to come inside from the rain. No Face then reflects this compassion by helping her get a bath tag that the foreman refused to give to her. Later on, No Face encounters the greedy staff who would do anything for the gold he could produce. In response, No Face becomes incredibly greedy and gluttonous but Chihiro doesn't care for the gold and when she encounters No Face in this form he ends up becoming ambivalent and returns to following Chihiro. Something I cannot pin down is why he decides to stay at Zeniba's house. No Face acted proper and polite just as he should of because of Zeniba's hospitality and politeness, but as Chiriho leaves he stays, why? The only reason I can think of is that No Face is still being polite and is respecting Zeniba's proposal to stay with her. Still though, No Face seemed like a central character to Chihiro, and all of the sudden he just doesn't care about Chihiro, I think its a little strange.

As I have hinted at before there is a consistent theme of greed and identity. The greed is primarily seen in Chihiro's parents and the staff, identity is a bit more nuanced. I would say that No Face itself is the antithesis of identity, it adopts the personality of whoever it comes into contact with. However, No Face is not the only character that has a huge focus on identity. Yubaba, Chihiro, and Haku's relationship revolves around identity. Yubaba specifically gains control via taking/reducing their names and wiping it from their memory. If that doesn't scream about the power of owning one's own identity, I don't know what does.

I feel that I have ranted enough for today, so thank you for suffering through that. Hopefully, I will be able to better organize my thoughts as the semester goes on. I will most definitely be recommending this to my friends and family. 9/10

[vindelllas]

the beauty of uttara ashadha 🌞🐘:

🐘 naomi campbell: uttara ashadha lagna

*MAJOR TW// i discuss a lot of potentially triggering topics, i.e. abuse and racism. some of the uttara ashadha natives i exhibit and talk about are known for their terrible behavior and scandals. i do not condone their offensive and ignorant behavior. they are simply being shown to solidify my opinions on the nature of this nakshatra*

as you read this post, please listen to this uttara ashadha playlist i made for the full experience: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/207xxveKWd1TlN12Sr5GAW?si=G5F-Hd3_SHui2PYViP8hkQ

🌞 in the krittika nakshatra, we saw the fiery combination of kuja’s rashi and surya’s vimshottari rulership. krittika represents the cosmic fire of purification, as kuja is the planet of leadership, chandra is the planet denoting our mental state, and surya is the embodiment of the true yang path. in the uttara phalguni nakshatra, we saw the giving and serving nature of surya shine through the solar embodiment of aryaman and the leo rashi. buddha bestowed this nakshstra with the ability to sense areas of need within others and find the best ways to solve others’ issues and realign them with their dharma path. in uttara ashadha, we see these natives embody the cosmic fire we once witnessed in krittika and eventually learn to master the importance of finding yourself in your soul. as compared to looking to the accomplishments you have helped others succeed in for personal reaffirmation (a problem uttara phalguni natives struggle with). uttara ashadha’s ruling deities will serve as their cosmic guides through these deeply purifying solar states.

🌌 the deities of uttara ashadha are the ten vishvadevas, the ten universal gods. in sanskrit, vishvadevas translates to “all-knowing or omniscient”. these ten gods represent the evolution of uttara ashadha natives’ lives: vasu (meaning brilliance or wealth-giver), satya (being truthful in one's thought, speech, and action), kratu (strength and willpower), daksha (rituals and people), kala (time and death), kama (cosmic desire and creative impulse), dhriti (steadiness and retention), kuru (ancestors), pururavas (abundance, surya, brightness), and madravas (zenith of joy). let’s take a closer look at a few of these deities to examine the path of uttara ashadhas.

✨ satya, loosely translating to "truth/essence", is equated with and considered necessary to the concept of rta. rta means order, rule, and truth. rta is the principle of natural order which regulates and binds the collective universe and all of it’s inhabitants. in the hymns of the vedas, rta is said to be what is ultimately responsible for the proper functioning of the natural, moral, and sacrificial union of life. due to this, rta is said to uphold dharma. satya gives birth to the possibility of rta, due to satya’s regulatory and binding nature. truth (satya) is considered to be essential and without it the universe and reality falls apart and, therefore, can longer function. this is why satya is also considered to be our essence, the core of our being. truth is considered to be a form of alignment with the divine. the whole foundation of christianity, and most prominent religions, stress abiding in your cosmic truth. in the book of james 1:18, it reads “of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.”. when we welcome the essence of satya, we flourish in internal beauty and the truth blooms and beams on our physical surface.

👠 this internal radiance of satya is the reason the solar nakshstras, primarily uttara ashadha, are one of the top placements for prominent models like victoria’s secret angels. such as, stella maxwell (krittika surya and uttara ashadha chandra), behati prinsloo (krittika surya and uttara phalguni chandra), chanel iman (krittika chandra), doutzen kroes (uttara ashadha surya), marth hunt (uttara ashadha chandra), josephine skriver (uttara ashadha chandra), karolina kurkova (uttara ashadha chandra), jac jagaciak (uttara ashadha surya), erin heatherton (uttara ashadha chandra), etc.. solar beauty radiates like the sun illuminating drops of midnight dew on crisp greenery or radiating and reflecting the vast sky on to the indigo crests of waves. solar beauty is a beauty that often goes unnoticed for a long time, only to be rediscovered for it’s rich depths. it is like when one is too focused on looking downward at the earth’s greenery and ocean, only to forget the beautiful light that illuminates these beautiful forms of nature. solar beauty radiates and encompasses the native as a whole. it gleams and shines like the bright surya. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives brimming with warm and olive undertones, freckles or beauty marks, and shiny hair. they embody the cosmic youth and the truth that nourishes “the firstfruits of creatures”. this is why solar women are so aesthetically pleasing to the eye, as they cause sensory overload, modeling the act of one’s eyes hurting from looking at the sun for too long.

👁 according to the rigveda, the antithesis of rta and surya are anrita and asatya, meaning falsehood. falsehood is considered to be a form of misconduct. satya includes factuality, reality, truth and reverence. satya is our past, current and future. it is considered to be the functioning of our world. the falsehood of anrita and asatya are reflected in surya’s association with the right eye. in the christian religion, the right eye signifies the evil from which is falsity and the left eye is the falsity through which is evil. in zechariah 11:17, it states “woe to the worthless shepherd that deserteth the flock! the sword shall be upon his arm, and upon his right eye; his arm withering shall wither, and his right eye darkening shall be darkened”. in this scripture, the arm is said to denote the power of truth applied to confirm evil (satya). the right eye symbolizes the memory and knowledge of good applied to confirm falsity. the shepherd represents one who teaches truths, leading others along the path of dharma. in matthew 5:29-30, jesus spoke, “if thy right eye hath caused thee to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from thee. and if thy right hand hath caused thee to stumble, cut it off, and cast it from thee; it is better for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body be cast into gehenna”. surya’s rulership of the right eye is why uttara ashadha natives frequently struggle with eye issues. because of this, uttara ashadha natives usually wear glasses or contacts and become associated with/profit off of their glasses. for example, george clooney (uttara ashadha chandra) has several articles written about his persol glasses. cary grant’s (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) estate collaborated with the brand “olivers people” to create a line of successful eyewear. the sunglasses grant wore in the 1959 hollywood classic north by northwest is characterized as a sunglasses design that is the epitome of classic style. dave bautista (uttara ashadha surya and chandra) once said he often wears sunglasses because it helps him to cope with his social anxiety disorder. bautista once said, “i would rather wear sunglasses than stand on the red carpet.”. actors like zooey deschanel (uttara ashadha surya, chandra and lagna) and jane levy (uttara ashadha chandra) are known for playing roles that involve their characters wearing glasses. many articles have been written about zooey deschanel’s glasses on the television show “new girl” and jane levy’s glasses on the sitcom “suburgatory”. glasses act as a sharpening tool that allows to better see our environment, our truth. glasses reflect our surroundings onto the eyes of those who look through the pair of sunglasses on another person. they serve as objects cycling the truth of the wearer and beholder, in a way, it rejects the falsity of illusion and completely embraces realignment with truth, while serving as a protective medium between the native and others. believing that we have the lenses of reality within each of us. what you see is what you get or what you see is what you are, as far as eternity is concerned, abiding in satya. it is believed that our beliefs are the lenses through which one sees the world. what one believes determines your focus (kratu) and in turn your actions. one sees things as they believe they are, not as things really are, but rather as one is. if one’s beliefs are based on truth, your figurative glasses will allow you to see eternity from the rta/satya perspective. however, if your belief lenses are made from anrita and asatya, you will see illusions and falsehood reflective of the state of your soul.

☀️ there is a particular effect called photo-bleaching. photo-bleaching happens to the cells in your retina in the back of your eye. these cells are called rods and cones, and these cells are full of light sensitive pigments. light comes in the form of particles, called photons, in your eye; these stimulate the cells by changing this light sensitive pigment, which is called retinal, into a different form and they stimulate the cells to send electrical impulses to your brain. if you look at the sun for a long period of time, this sends the cells into overdrive and it takes them time to calm down. after you finish looking at the sun and you look at a normal level of light, like a plant, you get black spots where you've been looking at light where the cells have been over stimulated. this is the essence of solar beauty. it leaves a lasting impact on the eyes of others and it is hard to forget their presence. their warmth lingers, stays, and satiates others like the deity kama.

🐘 kate moss: uttara ashadha surya

🐾 uttara ashadha’s yoni is the male mongoose. the male mongoose are sometimes solitary, but most live in colonies. the average colony is made up of roughly twenty mongooses. those who live in these colonies will take turns being sentinels. sentinels stand on their hind legs on higher ground, looking all around them for danger. if they spot a potential threat, they will let out a loud scream that acts as an alarm call that lets the rest of the colony members know they should retreat to safety. when operating in their light state, uttara ashadhas act as the male mongoose by being the sentinel of their surroundings. they act as a guide to those around them and try to ensure the safety of others. they stand tall like the symbolic mongoose, mirroring the phallic force, and usher those into the light of achievement. this is why we see so many uttara ashadha natives appear in musical groups, as they are the glue that binds their surroundings together. but this intense binding begins to darken, it is often people will become obsessed with their great achievements and warmth and try to bring the native down with jealousy and harm. zayn malik (uttara ashadha) was known to be a part of a popular musical group, “one direction” and reportedly left the group in 2015, due to him feeling left out by the group and not liking the music they created. jennie (uttara ashadha surya) from “blackpink” was the main rapper of the group and was the first one to debut a solo single. nicki minaj (uttara ashadha lagna) was once apart of the popular rap group “young money”, but decided to further pursue her career as a solo artist. baby spice (uttara ashadha surya) was in the famous 90s girl group “spice girls”. a common theme amongst these natives is maintaining peace and upholding an image. uttara ashadhas are determined to succeed at any cost and many individuals subconsciously sense this and abuse their power. they view uttara ashadha as a never-ending vessel of determination and willpower and abuse this by treating these natives poorly, as they know the native will do anything to maintain peace for prosperity.

🐢 this foundation of determination and willpower is correlated to the auspicious elephant. the elephant itself is quite common in most religious traditions and mythologies. elephants are widely considered to be a positive omen and are sometimes revered as deities, symbolizing strength and wisdom. there is an ancient hindu belief of “world elephants”. the amarakosha states the names of eight male elephants who bare the world (in addition to eight unnamed female elephants). the names of the male elephants are airavata, pundarika, vamana, kumunda, anjana, pushpa-danta, sarva-bhauma, and supratika. there are four elephants that are believed to support the earth from the four different directions. in the ramayana, they are listed as the viroopaaksha (supporting the east), mahaapadma (supporting the south), saumanasa (supporting the west), and bhadra (supporting the north). while the knowledge on this subject is very limited, chukwa, the tortoise, is said to support the elephant mahaapadma which in turn supports the world. chukwa’s tortoise translation is not set in stone and can also be interpreted as a water snake (rahu), denoting the foundation of earthly desires is rahu. chukwa (rahu, earthly foundation/desires) cannot exist without mahaapadma (ketu, spiritual liberation), as a head may not exist without a body. it was once said: “on the wondrous dais rose a throne, and he its pedestal whose lotus hood with ominous beauty crowns his horrible sleek folds, great mahapudma; high displayed he bears the throne of death. there sat supreme with those compassionate and lethal eyes, who many names, who many natures holds; yama, the strong pure hades sad and subtle, dharma, who keeps the laws of old untouched.”.

🐘 wisdom is said to be represented by the elephant in the form of lord ganesha, one of the most popular gods in hindu mythology. lord ganesha is said to have the head of an elephant which was put on after the human head was either cut off or burned. lord ganesha is associated with new beginnings, success, and the removing of obstacles (as the act of removing one’s head is symbolic of removing rahu, essentially one’s desires). lord ganesha is said to be the deity of ketu, due to ketu being the moksha karaka and our source of liberation. ketu is said to bestow immense knowledge, spirituality, and luxury, when properly placed. if a native has an inauspiciously placed ketu in their natal chart, it is said praying to lord ganesha may aid the native. the smoky and prosperous nature of ganesha is exhibited in many rituals involving the symbolism of the elephant, in particular, the cameroonian practice of the bamiléké tribesmen. the bamiléké are often known for their intricately beaded masquerades, including the impressive elephant mask.

🎭 masquerades are considered to be a very integral part of the bamiléké culture. these masquerades take place during special events such as funerals, palace festivals, and other royal ceremonies. the masks are performed by men and aim to support and enforce royal authority (assuming the natural masculine leadership and dictation of surya). the power of the bamiléké king, the fon, is primarily represented by the elephant. the fon may transform into either an elephant or leopard whenever he chooses. their elephant mask, called a “mbap mtengis” a mask, has protruding circular ears, a human like face, decorative panels on the front and back that hang down to the knees and are covered in deeply intricate, geometric beadwork including much triangular imagery (symbolic of the solar force that is the triangular-like formation of an elephant’s large ears and protruding trunk, mirroring the phallic pyramid). occasionally, the fon may allow members of the community to perform with an elephant mask along with a leopard skin, conveying wealth, status and power by shielding one’s face. this act of covering one’s face is symbolic of sacrificing one’s identity (rahu) for the purpose of attaining moksha karaka (ketu). by the bamiléké fons covering their face with an elephant mask, they bring an association and representation of power, strength and prosperity (lord ganesha).

🌟 this sacrifice of self association and identity and the smoky nature of the bamiléké tribe represents the nature of uttara ashadha. it is often wondered why uttara ashadhas have such a dark and vampiric aesthetic, as this is the nature of sacrificing one’s identity. the spiritually devoting nature of these natives causes a detachment from their identity to embrace their higher power. beyoncé (an uttara ashadha ketu native) was once famous for her shiny, flashy, and glamorous y2k aesthetic. in the recent years, we have seen beyoncé move towards a less flashy, but equally captivating and prosperous, lifestyle. in a way, she sacrificed her y2k/flashy identity and received more prosperity and healing in return. in her latest visual album “black is king”, we saw her collaborate with numerous placements of uttara ashadha, such as wizkid (uttara ashadha shani atmakaraka) and jessie reyez (uttara ashadha rahu), to illustrate the importance of coming back to your familial routes and finding identity within your ancestors (it is important to note, out of my survey of fifty contributors and artists on the album, uttara ashadha was by far the most prominent atmakaraka placement). in this visual album, we see numerous african masks that call to mind the smoky, spiritual nature of ketu and the self-sacrificing and giving qualities of surya in his highest state (uttara ashadha).

🐘 christie brinkley: uttara ashadha chandra

🥘 the mahavidya associated with surya is matangi. she is the tantric goddess known for her wisdom, knowledge, and bestowing power. according to the shaktisamgama-tantra, the birth of ucchishta-matangini is as follows: the god vishnu and his wife lakshmi visited shiva and his second wife parvati and gave them a banquet of fine foods. while eating the banquet, the deities dropped some food on the ground, from which created a beautiful maiden who asked for their leftovers. vishnu, lakshmi, shiva, and parvati granted the maiden their left over food as prasad (meaning food made sacred by having been first consumed by a deity). this act can be interpreted as the ucchishta of the deity, it is important to note that due to the negative connotation the word ucchishta, it is never explicitly used in connection to prasad. shiva then stated that those who repeat mantangi’s mantra and worship her will have their material desires satisfied and gain control over foes, declaring her the giver of boons. from that day on, the maiden was referred to as ucchishta-matangini. because of matangi’s humble origin, she is often described as an outcast and impure. she is often associated with pollution, due to her relation to outcast communities. the humble mantangi is regarded as a tantric form of the goddess saraswati, the goddess of knowledge and the arts of mainstream hinduism. matangi and saraswati share many traits in that regard. both goddesses embody music and are depicted playing the veena. both are said to be the nada (sound or energy) that flows through the nadi channels in the body through which prana flows. these goddesses are related to rain clouds, thunder, and rivers. by both governing learning and speech, saraswati embodies the orthodox knowledge of the brahmins, whereas matangi, the humble, wild, and ecstatic outcast, embodies the knowledge within that transcends the boundaries of mainstream society (hence, her associations with social pariahs).

🏆 whereas, uttara ashadha (उत्तराषाढ़ा) comes from the sanskrit words उत्तर (latter) and अषाढ (invincible). the meanings of uttara ashadha are said to be “the latter invincible one”, “latter victory”, or “the latter undefeated”. the term “latter” is derived from the latin word lætra, meaning slow or deliberate, this juxtaposition with invincibility, denotes resilience, power, and prosperity. the journey of uttara ashadhas are said to bevslow and lengthy (lætra), but in then end, they reach true success by embodying the humility and skillfulness of matangi. this correlates to uttara ashadha being the top placements for athletes, as the practice of exercising and bodily discipline requires a deep understanding of prana, the source of life (matangi). athletes must be able to control their breathing and abide in a clean environment to maintain proper focus and health. this is why prana is said to permeate reality on all levels, aligning our inner selves with the cosmic truth (surya/rta). indian philosophy describes prana as flowing in the nadis throughout the body. the number of nadis varies according to different texts and philosophies, but the three principal nadis run from the base of the spine to the head (areas traditionally associated with surya and the vimshottari-ruled surya nakshatras). they are the ida on the left, the sushumna in the center, and the pingala on the right. the nadis are said to play a role in many yogic practices, like shatkarmas, mudras, and pranayama. these practices are intended to open and unblock the nadis to allow life force to be abundant within all of us. the ultimate aim of some yogic practices are to direct prana into the sushumna nadi, enabling the kundalini to rise, and thus bring about moksha karaka, our liberation. in both the subtle and the causal body, the nadis are channels for our cosmic, vital, seminal, mental, and intellectual energies (our prana). this is why they are considered to be important for sensations, consciousness and the spiritual aura.

🥇 ida is traditionally associated with lunar energy. the word ida means "comfort" in sanskrit. ida possesses a moonlike nature and a distinct feminine energy with a cooling/yin effect. whereas, pingala is associated with solar energy. the word pingala means "orange" or "tawny" in sanskrit. pingala possesses a sunlike nature and masculine energy. pingala is warm/yang and courses throughout the right side of the body, whereas ida courses through the left side of the body. these nadis are often representative of the two hemispheres of the brain. pingala is the extroverted, solar nadi, and corresponds to left hemisphere of the brain. ida is the introverted, lunar nadi, and refers to the right hemisphere of the brain. this is due to the left hemisphere controlling the muscles on the right side of the body and the right hemisphere controlling those on the left, symbolic of the dualism of nature and our bodies. the ida nadi regulates all the mental, lunar processes while the pingala nadi regulates all the vital, solar processes. examples of uttara ashadha athlete natives who learned to balance the inner matangi and nadis within is the famous professional boxer muhammad ali (uttara ashadha surya) who was nicknamed “the greatest”. the olympic athlete marion jones (uttara ashadha chandra) who is a world champion track and field athlete and previous member of the WNBA. we also see a great abundance of athletes specifically having an uttara ashadha surya, such as matthias ginter, malek jaziri, claudio marchisio, tyler breeze, davie selke, pierre webó, and ehsan haddadi. as surya feels at home and comfortable in expressing it’s dualistic nature in this nakshatra. athletes and uttara ashadha natives are said to operate in the pingala mental state, but understand the importance of matangi and the balance of prana. as prana is considered to unite all elements and directions (recall the directional nature of the world elephants) within the body by aligning the ether element within, as how brihaspati and shani are both of the ether/air element and are crucial in reaching balance in our souls.

🐘 sasha pivovarova: uttara ashadha surya and chandra

🔥 uttara ashadha lies in the padas of sagittarius and capricorn. like all the surya-ruled nakshatras, vimshottari-wise, it bridges the nature of the fire element and the earth element. this denotes the karmic association of peak masculinity (fire) and the grounding femininity (earth). the elemental nature of earth represents the body. it is the densest element and creates the most heaviest psychological influence. it represents the practicalness and sensuality of nature, as a mongoose simply intuitively knows when to alert his group of danger or a goat knows which step to climb on a mountain. fire is the focus that lies within us and it corresponds to the digestion of life. fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra).

🌬 whereas, the air element correlates to intelligence and the movement within, essentially our prana. this deep level of intellect is why the elemental air/shani/brihaspati signs are seen in politics, as they know how to relate to others and appeal to society. these natives are highly social, conscientious, and understand the principles they abide by, hence their prevalence in politics. the element of ether is not to be confused with the principality of air. like air, ether is associated with conscientious but it is also the state of pure consciousness itself. ether transcends the physical elements (this is why rahu is said to be capable of air, as when rahu in his dark, illusionary state, he cannot transcend). ether is the witnessing of consciousness. it is the ability to perceive the process of intellect (air) and remain unidentified with it. it is our freedom and the closest to our state of satya. it serves as the freedom from the mind and body. it is detachment from our physical state of determination (fire), intellect (air), thoughts (water), and the sensuality of earth to go beyond our physical karma. as the ether knows detachment is the embodiment of true spiritual knowledge. this is why shani is said to both rule the ether element and be the higher state of rahu, as shani understands the power of going without for the purpose of the greater good.

🌳 both sagittarius and capricorn embody the final installment of the earth and fire rashis. sagittarius is the natural ninth house of higher education, wisdom, and spirituality. capricorn is the natural tenth house of power, ambition, and work. these houses are bridged under the leadership and guiding qualities of surya to create a distinct amount of material and mental wealth. this is why we see uttara ashadha natives feel called to work in areas such as politics, law, and economics, due to their spiritual and societal knowledge. the fall of uttara ashadha lies within the elemental composition of this nakshatra. too much fire leads to exaggerated levels of aggression. too much air causes sterility, dryness, and an ungrounded sense of life. too much earth brings stagnation and clinging. for example, george washington (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his sex scandals, killings, and perpetuation of slavery. pope saint john xxiii (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for bending the rules in order to be ordained as the pope. jeb bush (uttara ashadha chandra) was known to be associated with high class drug dealers and lawsuits. abraham lincoln (uttara ashadha chandra) was known for his disagreement of slavery, despite being quite racist himself. these men operated in the stagnation, sterility, and energetic dullness that lied within their souls. they embraced the corrosive flames of fire and figuratively burned down what they did not respect. corazon aquino (uttara ashadha chandra) was regarded with high respect for combining traditional femininity with politics and her advocation for human rights and restoration of political power to civilians. aquino* (please see my note below) is an example of uttara ashadhas using their fiery determination to bring equality and justice to people, no matter the cost. they relate to the earthly parallels of society and know in order to gain equality, sacrifices of the self must be made. thus, they are the embodiment of yang.

💥 no matter the morals and principles of uttara ashadhas, we see uttara ashadha men being idolized and followed by the collective. the media is entranced by their yang embodiment and their negative behaviors are frequently ignored for the purpose of remaining idolized. consider uttara ashadha natives like russell crowe, bruce willis, george clooney, and matt damon. they have arose to great fame due to films like “die hard” or “ocean’s eleven”, because men idolize their pingala, tough, solitary, and strong exteriors and often try to imitate their actions. men subconsciously acknowledge the cosmic interplay of the masculine shani (capricorn), brihaspati (sagittarius), and surya, as they idolize the solitary state of the uttara ashadha mongoose: the one who has no yoni consort.

🪴 it is important to understand that capricorn itself is not a masculine sign. it is indeed the most feminine sign of the zodiac, due to it embodying the earthly nature of clinging to the tree as leaves do or grounding to the earth as clay. the over-ruler of capricorn, the planet shani, is often considered to be gender-neutral as the ether element itself transcends gender. shani simply molds the earthly, feminine clays of capricorn into greatness and abundance. examine the abundance of uttara ashadha, shravana, and dhanishta (whom all lie in the capricorn rashi). all of these nakshatras are famed for their looks, auras, and wealth.

* the lovely @/sakkurareadnt on twitter has brought to my attention that while aquino was the first president of the philippines to be a woman, she was not the one to solely change the power civilians have. it was the people of the philippines themselves who organized the revolution. aquino did believe in human rights and did well during her presidency, but the restoration of power to the people was primarily due to the movement of the citizens of philippines. i sincerely apologize for any confusion this may have caused 💗

🐘 fka twigs: uttara ashadha surya

☀️ due to surya being the fiery path within, the element fire is said to connects us to the sense of sight. ayurveda states anything we can see is touched by fire, as we abide in the state of solar satya. the element fire is called “tejas” in sanskrit and it is the third of the pancha mahabhutus (the five great elements). it is the third element because it evolves from the states of ether and air, containing the essence of these elements within it. ether energizes fire with the ability to find space to exist within. air bestows fire with the capacity of prana to burn. it is due to the element air, that fire will never be able to still within us. fire is said to represent the capacity for heat and light. it is the generator of energy in the body, modeling the behavior of how surya is the generator of energy for the entire solar system. it is said that fire is the process of liberating energy from its source.

⭐️ the tanmatra of vision, rupa, is the origin of the purifying fires. rupa means to form or color. the forms and colors of life are a direct result from our perception. rupa serves as the tanmatra, our unmanifested form of perception, light, and vision. fire binds with the sense of vision, as fire provides light for perception. the eyes serve as the channel through which light is digested and perception takes place. think of it this way, you cannot see what is ahead of you, if you simply have no light to illuminate your path. with uttara ashadha women specifically, we tend to see this struggle with male attention. women are naturally quite yin, but the peak pingala energy of uttara ashadha alters the manifestation of these natives. people are confused by these natives’ balanced and equalizing energy and flock to their perceived light like moths to a flame. in many cases, people are also insecure about the uttara ashadha native’s inner elemental balance and will choose to leave them. this is because uttara ashadha illuminates everything within their environment, including the vampiric energies of others.

✨ in the show “euphoria”, cassie (played by an uttara ashadha chandra native sydney sweeney), we see this internal dichotomy around male attention. cassie is described as a sweet and popular person, but has difficulty with navigating relationships. she grew up with an emotionally unavailable and irresponsible father who grew to only care for money. men are entranced by her energy and solely view her as a means of sexual pleasure. boys treat her as this shiny jewel, until she rejects or accepts their sexual advances, then she is viewed as promiscuous. the problem here is men become obsessed with uttara ashadha women, as they are obsessed with uttara ashadha men in film. they seek these natives’ fire and become disappointed when they come to find these natives have emotions and needs like any other person.

🌥 the movie “gone girl” is about a former writer and his glamorous wife amy (played by uttara ashadha chandra rosamund pike). they try to present a portrait of a blissful marriage to the public. when amy goes missing on the couple's fifth wedding anniversary, the writer becomes the prime suspect in her disappearance. the police pressure and media frenzy causes the couple's image of a happy union to crumble, leading to tantalizing questions about who they really are. throughout their relationship, amy tried to be the perfect girl who was the best wife she could be, but she felt she was never good enough. she changed her entire personality to conform to the wants of her husband. in the movie, she states (WARNING: THIS DOES CONTAIN GRAPHIC LANGUAGE): “men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? she’s a cool girl. being the cool girl means i am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and ***l sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary **** bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all hot. hot and understanding. cool girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. go ahead, sh*t on me, i don’t mind, i’m the cool girl. men actually think this girl exists. maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. for a long time cool girl offended me. i used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and i’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: you are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. i’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: the b*tch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! and the cool girls are even more pathetic: they’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. oh, and if you’re not a cool girl, i beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the cool girl. it may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so cool girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so cool girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. there are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants cool girl, who is basically the girl who likes every thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (how do you know you’re not cool girl? because he says things like: “i like strong women.” if he says that to you, he will at some point **** someone else. because “i like strong women” is code for “i hate strong women.”)”.

⛅️ men view uttara ashadhas as this immovable and illustrious force of light. they assume they behave as uttara ashadha men do in their violent, “fight club”-esc films. this deep desire often leads to many uttara ashadha natives feeling the need to embrace a lifestyle of hyper-masculinity to compensate for their natural and human emotions. people crave these natives to be the hot, light, dry, rough, and sharp nature of fire itself. the people in these natives’ lives expect for themselves to be the inherent air that is within the nature of fire. after all, it is the element air that provides fire with its mobile quality. although the truest state of uttara ashadha is the subtle fire, their effects are the most prominent. when you approach fire, what do you feel first? the heat of the flames. this is why we associate the element fire with the fires we can see. as fire represents light, heat, luster, energy, understanding, and the power of transformation.

🌤 examine uttara ashadha natives like issa rae in “insecure”, jane levy in “zoey’s extraordinary playlist”, zooey deschanel in “new girl”, or the aforementioned women above. these natives will be repeatedly shunned for their emotional nature and sensitivities because we expect surya to be the silent source of satiability. to see this source of sustenance have feelings and needs, shocks the moth who was once attracted to the flame. the moth realizes that not everything is about their deepest carnal desires.

🐘 nina simone: uttara ashadha chandra

💪🏽 these natives are no stranger to standing up for the injustices of their era. while surya natives do struggle with unwanted expectations and internal dichotomies, this does not discredit the common belief that these natives serve as the celestial father who provides the vital force behind creation and its sustenance. surya natives’ strong will and individuality, coupled with their boldness and ambition, creates a wonderful passion for advocating for what they believe in. think of uttara ashadha native nina simone who was both musically talented and an advocate for civil rights. she used her talents and fame to shed light on a greater cause. simone once stated, “i had spent many years pursuing excellence, because that is what classical music is all about... now it was dedicated to freedom, and that was far more important.”. nicki minaj, another uttara ashadha native, is often regarded as the queen of rap and is known for advocacy for women’s rights and power. in an interview minaj said, “when you’re a girl you have to be everything… you have to be sexy, and you have to be this and you have to be that, and you have to be nice. it’s like, i can’t be all those things at once. i’m a human being.”. joan jett (an uttara ashadha native) stated: “i figured out it was a social thing, what women were allowed to do. at a very young age, i decided i was not going to follow women's rules.”.

🍯 this behavior correlates to one of the ten vishvadevas: kratu. kratu is the deity representative of strength. rishi kratu appeared in two different ages. kratu is one of the seven great sages (the saptarishis). these sages are said to have originated from the consciousness of brahma. kratu is sometimes even believed to have been born from his father's left eye. kratu was married to sannathi and it is believed the couple had sixty thousand children, which are referred to as balakhilyas. the balakhilyas were said to be the size of a thumb and lived alongside the bank of rivers. the balakhilyas were once insulted by deity indra, the king of celestial deities. by the power generated by their penance, they were able to please shiva. in turn, shiva gave him a boon that they would be able to produce a bird who could pull out the cosmic nectar from indra.

🪓 the story goes that prajapati daksha was the head of sacrifice. prajapati daksha held a grudge against rudra or (depending on the story) for his daughter sati marrying shiva against his wishes. prajapati daksha did not send even an invitation to shiva for the sacrifice. sati went to the sacrifice alone and was terribly insulted for marrying shiva by her family. sati then k*lled herself by by jumping into the sacrificial fire. upon hearing the news of sati, lord shiva became madden with rage. shiva pulled out a lock of hair from his head and threw it down, invoking the spirit of veerabhadra (or bhairava) shiva ordered veerabhadra to go with his followers and destroy everybody who attended the sacrifice, including prajapati daksha himself.

⚔️ veerabhadra and shiva’s followers then went and beheaded daksha. they began to punish each and every god who attended the holy sacrifice. they knocked out the teeth of pushan, removed the eyes of bhaga, and severed the two testicles of kratu. soon after, the gods went to shiva and begged for his mercy. shiva said that they should all serve under him as animals for a period of time; only then would they will regain their original status. all of the gods agreed to this. shiva then restored the teeth, eyes, and testicles of the different gods. daksha was also revived by placing the head of a goat on his neck (more on this in a later post). after kratu’s testicles were restored, he married sannati, the daughter of daksha. they were all described as small sages no bigger than the joint of the thumb and said to be chaste and pious.

⚱️ later on, rishi kratu was again born in the vaivasvata manvantara (seventh and current manvantara), due to lord shiva’s boon. in this cyclic period of time, kratu had no family. it is reported that kratu was born from the hand of lord bharma, whereas the other rishis are said to have been born from other parts of the body of brahma. because kratu had no family and no children, he adopted agastya’s son: idhvaaha.

⚒ uttara ashadha natives understand that sacrifices have to be made for the betterment of society, as the many gods were sacrificed by participating in the harmful behavior that caused sati to jump into the deadly fire. specifically, these natives understand the sacrifice of career and monetary stability for this cause. these natives learn to reject traditional associations of femininity and masculinity and learn the essence of all life is an equilibrium of both (symbolic of kratu being castrated, thus having the phallic force being altered). uttara ashadhas act as brahma’s hand in which birthed the deity of strength (kratu), by lending a helping hand to those in need and never forgeting the importance of where they come from. famous singers like nicki minaj, joan jett, and nina simone understood this and frequently put their careers on the line to ensure they were treated with the utmost respect. modeling the sacrificial sati, nina simone sacrificed her career in singing to devote her entire life to advocating for civil rights and joan jett devoted her entire career to breaking gender norms and stereotypes. what people fail to understand is the integrity these women have. whatever surya women choose to do, they will stand by their decision and suffer the consequences. they understand in order to command respect, you must garner accountability. the act of activism arguably runs much deeper than jupitarian women. as kratu was once said to have no family and be alone, surya natives feel the need to guide others as they wish they could have been guided at a young age. these natives choose to adopt the burdens of the collective masses (as kratu with idhvaaha). they struggled with jealousy and male dichotomies and fantasies. they endured years of abandonment, loss, and energetic vampires sucking the light from them. only to shine like the bright stars they truly are, reaching their latter victory and choosing to never leave anyone behind or forgotten.

i highly encourage you to watch the clip below because it perfectly illustrates hows surya-ruled women understand the inadequacies and injustices of this world and decide to use their platform to speak on it:

https://youtu.be/PzGZamtlRP0

🐘 sza: uttara ashadha lagna

🎖the latter victory is quintessential, yet individualistic, to uttara ashadhas. throughout all areas of the life, these natives succeed in unimaginable ways. from sports, modeling, singing to activism and acting, they reach the highest possible success. once these natives have mastered the lessons of the planets shani, brihaspati, and surya, they have to learn from one more deity: yama. recall the foundational essence of yama reoccurring throughout this post, the elephant, bhairavi, and yama’s correlation to mahapudma. it is said that in order to examine the polarity of a nakshatra, you must examine the opposing nakshatra as well. the opposite of uttara ashadha is pushya (and punarvasu). both punarvasu and pushya are considered to be highly auspicious nakshatras. punarvasu is able to encapsulate the transition from destruction (ardra) and nourishment (pushya) with blessings of the motherly aditi and the supervision of brihaspati, but what happens when pushya is also into the darker elements of life?

🎯 both punarvasu and pushya are linked to brihaspati, due to punarvasu being ruled by brihaspati (via vimshottari dasha) and pushya being under the deity rulership of brihaspati. as i discussed on twitter recently, pushya is directly linked to funerals and morticians. the fourth house of cancer is said to be eight houses away from the twelfth house. thus, denoting one finding home, roots, or comfort in times of death or misfortune. the deities associated with shani are yama and prajapati. yama represents death, dharma, and the underworld and prajapati represents rebirth and creation (modeling the transformative themes of punarvasu as well). the deity of pushya, brihaspati, is said to be a sage born from the first great light, as punarvasu’s meaning is said to be “prosperous again” or “return of the light”. brihaspati is said to be the one who drives away darkness. pushya natives embody brihaspati by bringing great healing and comfort to those in terrible times. or they may embody yama and become hyperfixated with the themes of death. recall how angelina jolie (pushya lagna) stated she wanted to be a mortician when she grew up. a famous funeral director, marshall white, is likely a pushya chandra. a convicted m*rderer & mortician, bernie tiede, is a pushya surya.

🪦 uttara ashadhas marry and reflect the saturnian and jupitarian in a differing, but similar, way. throughout this post, dharma has been mentioned frequently. it is difficult to exactly provide a single definition for dharma, as the word has a long history and it’s interpretations vary throughout hinduism, buddhism, sikhism, and jainism. there is actually no equivalent synonym for dharma in english. the root of the word dharma is "dhri", meaning “to support, hold, or bear". dhri is what regulates the course of change by consistently abstaining from change. however, most can agree dharma means the “right way of living" and "path of rightness". this also depends on the context and the meaning of dharma, as it has evolved as ideas of hinduism have evolved through history. in the earliest texts and ancient myths of hinduism, dharma meant cosmic law, the rules that created the universe from chaos and rituals. after time, the meaning became more complex, it is said to designate human behaviors considered necessary for the order of things in the universe; principles that prevent chaos; and behaviors and actions necessary to all life in nature, society, and family.

🔪 whereas, yama is considered to have been the first mortal who died and saw the way to the celestial abodes. due to this, he became the lord of the departed. yama's name can also mean "twin", and in some myths he is paired with a twin sister names yamī. yama is assisted by chitragupta who is assigned with the task of keeping complete records of the actions of human beings on earth. upon the death of humans, yama decides if they shall reincarnate as a superior or inferior organism, depending on their actions on earth (karma). this is why yama is considered to be the lord of justice and is sometimes referred to as dharma, referring to yama’s unwavering dedication to maintaining order and his adherence to harmony.

🏹 like punarvasu and pushya, uttara ashadhas wish to guide others through their path of dharma, as the bow of brihaspati navigates through the winds, but they also struggle with neglecting themselves. they are so giving with their fruitful bounty, they often forget to spend time within. their inclination for guiding, giving, and dying unto oneself often becomes a fixation that eventually leads to burn out and tiredness. this is why uttara ashadha natives must study the nature of yama and learn when to set healthy boundaries. i will not be including the hymn of yama and yamī (the children of the sun god: surya) as to not trigger others with it’s inc*stuous nature, but it is an example of how those with saturnian/jupitarian influences must learn to set boundaries, even with those they love. sza’s (uttara ashadha lagna) “ctrl” album is a perfect example of the potential for vulnerability, imperfectness, and the deep capability of love these natives exhibit. i highly recommend listening to her songs “love galore”, “normal girl”, and “garden”, as they directly reflect the topics i have discussed in this post. learning to set boundaries will be difficult, as many of the times this creates a need to have difficult conversations with those we love. but when we align ourselves under the eyes of surya, we learn it is the key to flourishing into the tree of life.

🐘 sade adu: uttara ashadha surya

🌲 the movie “the tree of life”, stars multiple surya natives (including uttara ashadha chandra brad pitt). the movie tells an impressionistic story of a texan family in the 1950s. the film follows the life journey of the eldest son, jack (played by leo chandra sean penn and an uttara phalguni native and uttara ashadha atmakaraka hunter mccracken), through the innocence of childhood to his disillusioned adult years as he tries to reconcile a complicated relationship with his father (brad pitt). jack finds himself to be a lost soul in the modern world, seeking answers to the origins and meaning of life while questioning the true existence of faith.

🪵 the tree of life emblem is a popular, universal symbol that represents differing meanings across all cultures and religions. the symbol does not originate from one specific culture as it has been used all over the world for centuries. the tree of life is said to commonly represent the interconnectedness and intertwining of everything within the universe. it is symbolic of togetherness and serves as a reminder that you are never alone or isolated, but rather that you are connected to all beings in existence. the roots of the tree of life are deeply grounded and spread into the core of earth. by accepting the nourishment from mother earth, the tree’s branches reach up into the sky, accepting energy from the lights of both the surya and chandra. this correlates to the goddess matangi (who is the tantric form of saraswati). saraswati is the mother goddess of knowledge, wisdom, and the arts. one cannot grow solid roots without the foundational knowledge of life and nourishment (saraswati). with a solid foundation in place, the tree of life symbolizes the connection to one’s family and ancestors (ketu). the tree has an intricate network of branches that represent how our lineage grows and expands over time. trees will always find a way to keep growing, through seeds or new saplings, and is lush with greenery, which signifies its ancient fertility. 

🌧 all trees are unique and special. by their branches sprouting at different points and in different directions, they symbolize a person's personal growth into a unique human being as different experiences shape them into who they are destined to be. as time passes, both trees and ourselves gain more unique characteristics, as branches may break off, new ones grow, and as the weather takes its toll. during these alterations and changes, the tree remains steadfast and sturdy. as shani brings about trials and tribulations, people grow and change throughout their lifetime and their unique experiences mold and enhance their individuality. the tree of life loses it’s leaves and appears to be dead during winter, but after this trialing period of winter, new buds appear and fresh leaves unfurl to reveal their emerald-like beauty (matangi). this cyclical nature represents the beginning of a new life and a dawn of anew. in a way, the tree (our souls) is immortal. even though the tree may grow old or slightly wither, it still produces seeds that carry its essence through the figurative winds of prana. as the tree within us may never die, it shall only transform and be reborn.

🌊 at the end of the movie, “the tree of life”, the now adult jack wanders through a wasteland, as yama once died and symbolizes the purgatory state of the wasteland. jack goes through a doorway and finds himself on a beach. there he shares the screen with his father and mother who concedes her son to the higher power. jack realigned himself with his solar power and gleamed in the light of his mother and father, like the tree of life gleams in both the sunlight and moonlight. jack received the blessing of his mother, symbolic of the goddess saraswati, who offered him into the unknown light of yama. the truth is, most of us do not know what truly happens after we step into the final light, thus ending our earthly presence and accepting the unknown of the future. recall from earlier, fire is said to digest sensory impressions (water) and turn them into purposeful thoughts and ideas. as surya is said to calm the waters of the mind (chandra). jack’s alignment from the beach to heavenly light symbolizes he has finally digested and successfully pondered on his actions throughout his existence. he has calmed both the waters and fires within and is granted the true passage to afterlife.

🐘 nicki minaj: uttara ashadha lagna

⛰ it is now the native has returned to the peak pyramids of life. they have reached the zenith of their soul and look down from the symbolic pyramid to see the differing trees of life. they examine the highs and lows, sadness and happiness, and the polarities between chandra and surya. prana enshrouds the pyramid and blows the luscious, warm leaves of the trees around in the autumnal season. it is only the uttara ashadha native that will be left to see how far along they have come. in the beginning, uttara ashadhas were the lonely mongoose who simultaneously felt they belonged to everyone and no one. they tried to embody the personal surya to others and learned the error in their ways. these natives were there to lend a helping hand to others, no matter what that sacrifice entails. they have worn the masks of ketu, travelled as the head elephant leads his group, and now stand before the cosmic fire. the mongoose is no longer sad in his sedentary ways, he is fearless, in the sense his open to all feelings from deep love to intense sorrows. may you uttara ashadhas abide in your satya and may the strength of the vishvadevas guide you further into the unknown.

🐘 aaliyah: uttara ashadha surya

💋 as always, i am open to any constructive criticism! i tried to touch on the deities’ involvement in the appearances, manifestations, and symbolism of uttara ashadha. like the endangered elephant and the elusive mongoose, uttara ashadhas are a rare kind. they embody the true abundance of yang that is secure in their solar nature and path. people will latch on to their brihaspati, shani, and surya qualities, as they understand that these energies guide their environment to follow the behavior of the native (as a male elephant leads his family unit to safety and prosperity). uttara ashadhas are so kind, warm, and giving and you guys truly do not get the love you deserve. boundaries will be very important to these natives, as they are so giving (solar) with their knowledge and wealth (brihaspati), they must learn to set healthy boundaries (shani) to avoid burn out. if you are looking for more information about uttara ashadha, get to know the overrulers and supreme deities of surya, agni (fire god) and shiva (supreme god); brihaspati, indra (king of the gods) and brahma (law giver); and shani, yama (the god of death) and prajapati (the creator). also—and i cannot stress this enough—familiarize yourself with the deities of this nakshatra: the vishvadevas. if any of my placements or information are incorrect please feel free to let me know! also, i am fully aware of the origins of vedic astrology and if i was in anyway disrespectful to hindu culture, i will take down this post immediately. i am incredibly honored to know such lovely vedic astrology enthusiasts. you all mean so much to me xx

**all of these placements were found using astrotheme/.com and/or astro-charts/.com. it is important to note that some chandra (moon) placements may be off by up to 6 degrees and lagnas (risings) as well, due to the fact that many websites do not have 100% accurate birth times for the given celebrities.

**i take absolutely no credit for the invention of vedic astrology-based appearance profiles. please watch claire nakti on youtube or look into @/cn0bles, @/lovejustlied, @/dh4nishta, and @/vanillemercure on twitter for more in-depth analysis on vedic astrology xx

“i’ll tell you what freedom is to me, no fear.” - nina simone (uttara ashadha chandra)

xoxo, angel <3

[sylverstorms]

Cassandra x Maiden ----Anonymity Ch. 6

Ch.1 Ch.2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5

It becomes a sort of evening ritual between the two of you, waking Cassandra up at sunset.

You're always cautious with your movements and how much light you allow in from the hallway as you enter her lavish bedroom, but the cold fear that used to grip at your chest is no longer there.

Measured steps take you to the edge of her bed.

Cassandra usually sleeps on her side, yet today she's on her front, firm back and creamy thigh tantalizingly on display against satin crimson sheets. Her pretty face is turned halfway into her pillow, a river of rich brown waves falling behind her ear and over one shoulder.

The sight makes you stop and stare for a moment. A strange feeling —accomplishment?— swells within your chest at the thought you know just how smooth and sensitive that skin is.

Then you shake your head at yourself. Pull it together. It's one thing to accept you're in a mutually beneficial arrangement with a killer —you remain intact, she scratches an itch, both of you share the pleasure as a means of escape or passing the time— but it is entirely another to be proud of it.

She's nothing of yours. Not your lover, certainly not your girl. That would imply you stand on equal ground which you most certainly do not. You're exactly what she calls you;

A plaything.

The question is, inside your head, what do you call her?

"My lady." you say, keeping your voice low. She doesn't stir but somehow you know she's awake.

"Either wake me up nicely or don't wake me at all." the words come semi-muffled against her pillow. "If I wanted to hear 'my lady' I'd have another maid come."

Well. She does seem to enjoy when you take some creative liberties. So you lean forward and press your lips just over her knee, then move a tad higher on her thigh, then kiss the veins visible on her hand.

Cassandra's mouth slowly pulls into a pleased smile as she turns onto her side. Her fingers then curl on the neckline of your shirt and tug you forward, into a quick little kiss that ends with a nibble on your tongue.

You always get anxious when she does that —it's probably why she does it in the first place— that you'll end up with a piece missing, but so far you haven't even been cut. And if you're honest with yourself, which you're not, but if you were... the thrill is a turn on.

Cassandra licks her lips and scoots back, patting the spot she just vacated on the queen-sized mattress. You look at her, confused. Surely she isn't suggesting...

"Come, now. I don't bite." A devilish smirk curls her mouth while she tells probably the biggest lie of the year. "Keep me company until dinner."

You climb onto her bed like it's a freaking minefield. As carefully as you lower yourself onto the crimson sheets, however, the bruises across your sides still protest. You subtly suck in air through your teeth.

Cassandra's fingers slide over to you, to the exposed part of your waist from where your shirt has risen up. There's a visible patch of purple there that she traces —the coolness of her skin is so soothing— until she presses into it. The brief flare of pain makes you gasp. She giggles.

"You make such nice expressions to pain." she says, as though tempted to draw more from you.

"I've been told my pleasured ones are better." you reply quickly.

Cassandra chuckles. "Is that so?" Her yellowish eyes are gleaming with amusement as she pushes you onto your back and straddles you.

The sight is enough to steal your breath away. The sinful black of her underwear peeks through the royal red of the sheets tangled around her waist, all a wonderful antithesis with her incredibly pale skin.

You want to touch. But then you may lose your hands, so you lock your muscles down and wait for her move.

Cassandra slowly trails a slender finger up your neck, all the way to the underside of your bottom lip. "...yeah, they're good too." she breathes, although you've almost forgotten what you were talking about.

"Can't hold a candle to yours." you whisper back. At this point, you're not really capable of rational thought.

You loathe the effect she has on you. How everything she's done can just be bypassed in your head whenever she gets like this with you.

Cassandra's mouth twists into a near coy little smile. "I'll take your word for it." she says. "There hasn't been anyone else to see them, so."

Wait. Your mind stutters to a halt. Wait. What?

According to rumor, the Dimitrescus have been around for over one hundred years. From what you've seen in the castle, probably longer. And you... you're her first?

"Cat got your tongue?" she giggles again, taking your chin between two long fingers. "I think I may like surprise on you best."

You want to ask if nobody's ever interested her before, but you're afraid to overstep. Cassandra seems to know, though and has no problems answering your unasked question;

"The first few dozen years after the mutations were... very bad. The hunger and thirst were enough to drive one mad. Didn't leave much room for anything else." she explains. "And humans in general are only attractive to me chained up and bled out."

Something inside you recoils at how casually she says it. Like she's simply commenting on the weather.

"But you... you have a little spark that I like." She smirks down at you.

"What about before?" you ask.

"Hm?"

"You said after the mutations. What about before?"

Cassandra's smile gets swallowed up by the abyss so quickly you wonder if you imagined it there. Tension builds at her temples and her eyes take on an icy quality that feels like it extinguishes all warmth in the room.

"There is no before."

You've never heard her voice like that. You hope you never will again, either.

The conversation drifts to lighter subjects, then. She asks you about the world beyond the village and you share what you remember from your childhood, until it is time to escort her to dinner.

But even as she eats and talks with her family, even when she leaves with her mother and sisters and you're left alone, to clean after bloody plates with the other maids, you can't shake off that look in her eyes when you dared ask about her life pre-mutations.

The more you linger on it... there's only one word that comes to mind as an accurate description.

Haunted.

-

-

Deep in your slumber, you hear the telltale buzzing of flies.

Something winged flutters against your cheek, but you merely stir. It prods at your jaw and you grunt. Leave me alone, you want to protest, brain muddled with sleep still.

Until.

A nip that cuts a thin line on your jaw has you springing upright in bed. "Agh!" Your hand flies to the wound, eyes wide.

A familiar form materializes out of an insect swarm, right in front of you. Cassandra grabs at your hand before you can start flailing and panicking any harder than you already are. Your lungs empty of hair in the milliseconds it takes you to realize she's not here to kill you.

Probably.

"Calm down." she says it like you're overreacting.

You try to take a deep, relaxing breath, but she leans forward in the meantime, running the tip of her tongue over the fresh cut on you. So much for oxygen. She even hums against your neck. Despite the sting, your stomach flutters.

Cassandra pulls back, licking her lip. "There. All better now?"

No. Your heart is trying to jump out of your chest. Has she never heard of knocking? For the love of everything Holy out there, it's the middle of the night.

"W-what are you doing here?" you ask.

A dramatic huff escapes her. "I'm bored."

Ah, yes, that makes a lot of sense. You spare a moment to wonder what your life has come to, then accept lack of proper rest and sit back against your pillows. Cassandra takes it as an invitation to push off her hood and plant herself next to you.

"Do you... want to go for a walk outside?" you suggest, uncertain.

Her eyes light up like a Christmas tree for a moment. Then she seems to remember something that dims the glow. "Ugh. Can't. It's way too cold tonight."

That... shouldn't be and issue for her, should it? It makes you wonder.

"Well, if I stay here I'm going to fall asleep." you sheepishly admit.

Cassandra's gaze darkens as she runs her fingertips down the taut skin of your bare middle, leaning over you like a lioness cornering her prey.

"I don't mind biting you awake if you do."

You want to say that you mind, yet her lips are on top if yours, smooth, tasting of strawberry lipbalm and that's the end of that conversation.

"But I am willing to cut you a deal." A manicured nail presses a bit at the middle of your chest. "Put that smart tongue of yours to good use and I'll let you get your sleep."

So spoiled and so demanding, you think. But then, looking at her face this close up... So beautiful.

You forget all about sleep for the next half hour or so as you focus solely on Cassandra, your bedroom filling with her quiet sighs and moans.

True to her word, she does ease back when she's satisfied and you're so tired your eyes start drooping before you've even lowered your head to your pillow.

She doesn't move to leave though... and you find that you don't mind.

When you drift off to sleep this time, your last thought is that the gentle chill of her body beside yours is almost...

Comforting.

[sepublic]

Belos is Creepy Philip?

        To speculate on the idea that Belos is just the doppelganger to Philip, in the same vein as Creepy Luz; And something-something, this doppelganger wants to reUNITE with the original…

         He could’ve inherited a lot of the issues of Philip with none of the growth; If Lus is a blank template of Luz, then Philip’s doppelganger wouldn’t have experienced the same lessons in the human world, that Philip could’ve found in the Demon Realm… Who knows? If Philip was like Luz and had issues of not being conformative, and Creepy Luz is meant to be the Luz that conforms… Would Belos, as Creepy Philip, be the one that’s meant to conform?

         And as the antithesis to Philip, the Philip that’s supposed to be what society expects him to be, that represents that toxicity to be ‘normal’, to not stand out and be part of one larger cog in the machine, to think inside the box; Could that culminate in Belos’ current toxic beliefs, antithetical to what Luz believes? And how he represents the type of system that crushes kids like her, the same system she found back home, that Creepy Luz conforms to?

         If so, this might imply certain ideas of how to behave that Lus may have, and how she might differ from Luz in that regard, and outright seek to establish and show the original what she’s ‘supposed’ to be like; Especially if the life she experiences as the doppelganger that people want, comes across as more ‘stable’ than the memories that Creepy Luz has of Luz’s lonely, chaotic life prior to the portal.

         Lus might compare her own experiences as a ‘regular’ kid as proof that this kind of lifestyle, this way of existence, really is better for Luz, using the memories she inherited- And that might lead to a clash of opinion, if Lus feels the need to maintain the ‘life’ she created in Luz’s absence, the ‘proper’ life she made as a model example. And Belos could also represent that for Philip as well… If he is Creepy Philip, of course.

         Of course, if Belos IS Creepy Philip, who represents the internalized toxicities of human society, as he was made to conform and happily fill in Philip’s place while being as non-problematic as possible… I wonder- Did he develop a sense of self-awareness, due to how long Philip had been gone? 

        It could’ve been years, compared to the few months at most for Luz… And seeing how well he functioned when he went by society’s ideals of normalcy, perhaps Belos felt compelled to do different things than Philip, and apply it to a world he believes ‘corrupted’ his progenitor while he was gone.

         That leaves the question of why Belos wants to access the human realm, if that’s even his goal- Or if, as I speculated, the Portal is special because it represents the largest source of Titan’s Blood thanks to Philip gathering it together… And Belos wants to repurpose that Titan’s Blood for something else? 

        Is there something hidden in the human world that he’s looking for, that fell through a Titan’s Blood rift? Does the survival of the doppelganger lead to the original somehow existing? Is it the reverse of conquering the human world- Belos wants human society to conquer the Boiling Isles instead, with its more ‘pure’ society…

       And when he finds out and sees how society has changed, in a manner that might not live up to his zealotry and ideals… Will Belos take a new course of action? How does this take into account the monster that killed King’s father? If Belos is a function of the Portal, does the monster intend to use Belos in some manner, as well as the portal, for a greater purpose???

         Also, who knows- Maybe a doppelganger’s life is tied to the original and vice-versa… And because Belos has been keeping himself alive, it’s kept Philip from dying??? Crazy thought, maybe the Golden Guard is Philip, but he’s had his age and memories reset to zero as a baby by Belos, and has since grown to sixteen years old.

         Maybe Belos and Lus hate their originals, because they had to bear the burden of their past immaturity, the problems they left behind, and conform for them- While Luz and Philip got to live it out, carefree and having fun, and being rewarded for being true to themselves in a magical world! 

        They had to bear the brunt, as Luz and Philip’s whipping boys… And when Belos himself arrived on the isles, again, he absorbed the toxic rejections of society- So he found the Demon Realm disgusting, while Philip? Philip had been given an actual support network and space to grow, he grew and matured to adapt to this society.

         And there’s this envy, like something straight out of Us by Jordan Peele, a resentment at being left behind. Anger and jealousy at their suffering being for nothing too- Especially if Belos finds out that Creepy Luz managed to end up still loved and happy with Camila anyway. 

        Seeing as how Camila is actually kind, I can see Lus finding out that she doesn’t have to conform for Camila either, and is unconditionally loved by her original’s family back home… Which of course could make Belos go off the deep end in denial, realizing his own suffering really was for nothing, and making him jealous of Lus as well!

        Lus and Belos could be a dark look at an alternate person, what they could’ve been... And how these two would react if they met each other, if the dark version went through the original’s journey afterwards.

        …Of course, maybe we’re all overthinking this with the doppelganger theory. Maybe the doppelganger wasn’t made by the portal, but just some shape-shifter that was trapped in the human world through a Titan’s blood rift, and when the Portal activated for Luz, it ‘sensed’ the energy and went over to investigate, and has taken Luz’s place in the meantime as opportunity? Maybe Belos is looking for this doppelganger as part of the Day of ‘Unity’, to reunite. We’ll just have to wait and see…

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

[aspoonofsugar]

Hi...how are you? If you don't mind me asking who are your favorite siblings' relationship in anime/movies/tv series? Sorry if you've answered this question before......

Hello!

Here is my list in no particular order.

1) Nina and Johan (Monster)

Their relationship is very interesting and complicated and it basically deconstructs the bond between twins and the trope of the good twin and evil twin (which is what makes it acceptable for my friend @hamliet <3<3<3).

The two twins were never treated as children and as a result they developed an extremely frail sense of self and kind of a symbiotic relationship. In particular, Johan decided to become Nina’s coping mechanism, a sort of living Jungian Shadow of her. The result is a disaster and the two siblings ended up hurting each other.

Still, their recovery goes through uncovering their shared past and the past they do not share. It is a path of self-discovery and forgiveness.

2) Zuko and Azula (ATLA)

Theirs is a tragic bond. They are two abused children who turn into two troubled teenagers. They are pitted one against the other by their abuser and in the end they are not able to overcome how their upgringing has shaped their relationship (at least in the show proper).

They are also two different answers to abuse and even if just Zuko is able to change for the better, Azula is still shown empathy.

In particular, they have opposite problems when it comes to their feelings. Zuko’s feelings explode and this is why he lacks control of his fire. Azula instead represses all her feelings to have perfect control. However, in the end it is necessary to aknowledge one’s emotions and to face them to truly reach harmony.

3) Soren and Claudia (The Dragon Prince)

In my opinion, Soren and Claudia (together with their father Viren) are the two best written characters in the series (as for now) and the main reason I got invested in it.

Soren and Claudia’s bond is one of mutual affection and trust. However, it is being challenged by the toxic influence their father has on both. They both risk to lose themselves to the flaws they very clearly inherited from Viren. Moreover, their different reactions to their father’s spiral has created a rift between them.

I love how they are both shown at their best and at their lowest points because of that same trait that, if well balanced can save them. Soren risks to lose himself to the desire to prove he is a good royal guard. Still, later on is that same desire that leads him to make the right thing. Claudia is his inversion. She is shown doing the right thing out of love, but then she spirals for that same love.

Still, I think that in the end they will be there for each other.

4) Krel and Aja (Tales of Arcadia)

Krel and Aja’s arcs are powerful and complementary. They both start thinking they are meant to be what the other will become in the end.

Krel starts as more responsible towards his role as Prince and shows disdain and discrimination towards Earthlings.

Aja initially wants to run away from her role and enjoys her normal life on Earth.

However, by the end Krel is the one who discovers himself through his relationships on Earth, while Aja finds herself a queen.

It is this paralleled and inverted structure together with the siblings’ complementarity and the strong bond they share that make them such good protagonists.

5) Hargreeves siblings (The Umbrella Academy)

They are all disasters and this is why their family is the best.

I love how after years spent avoiding each other, they still very clearly love each other and see each other as family. Despite being already adults, they are all still children when the story begins and they need to face each other to heal and truly grow.

I also like how each sibling has their own well defined personality and how each bond is different.

Luther and Diego have a rivalry.

Allison is everyone’s big sis and Luther’s love interest.

Vanya is estranged from everyone, but she develops a strong bond with Allison and is shown to get along with Five.

Five adores all his siblings, but often does not care for their individual needs.

Klaus is loved, but also underestimated by the others and he shares a special bond with Ben.

All in all, the family dynamic is very well flashed out and I think this is why the show works so well.

6) Zoldyck siiblings (HxH)

I love love love the Zoldyck Family and I love how all the other four siblings clearly foil Killua aka one of the MC. His two older brothers are who Killua must not become (an assassin like Illumi or dependent and unable to leave home like Milluki). Kalluto and Alluka are instead who Killua needs to save from the family. At the same time, Alluka, Kalluto, Milluki and Illumi all foil each other or have the potential to do so. They are all pretty different people and their dynamics are dysfunctional, but also entertaining to watch.

7) Schneeblings (RWBY)

This trio’s dynamic might be less central to their series than the other examples. Still, they are all pretty flashed out and their interactions are funny to watch.

The Schnee siblings have all reacted differently to their abusive environment. Still, they all share a warm heart behind a cold exterior. It is telling that they all work together to save Atlas and it is telling they all break free from their abusive home life also because of the others.

Winter inspires Weiss to leave and Weiss inspires Whitley to use his power for good. They make a virtuous chain of sibling love.

8) Kirishima siblings (TG)

Ayato and Touka’s backstory is one of my favourite parts of TG. It is interesting to see how they both changed in ways that turned them into their antithesis, but that are also consistent with the personalities they show as small children.

It is heartbreaking to see how close they were as children and how much they have grown apart as teenagers. Still, their bond remains strong and they still clearly love each other. Touka used to protect Ayato as a child and Ayato is trying to protect Touka now that he has grown. Still, he goes at it in the worst way possible.

SPECIAL MENTION: The Gandor brothers (Claire included) from Baccano! I just love how surreal their interactions are!

Thank you for the ask!

[cheri-translates]

[Analysis] S2 Gavin’s theme song

The music used in MLQC is incredibly evocative and carefully constructed, so I spent some time analysing S2 Gavin’s theme song because I find that it sums up the relationship he has with MC very nicely!

Music is highly subjective, so don’t worry if you have a different view from me :>

🍒 Warning: Contains tons of S2 Gavin spoilers! I’ve tried to make things really clear in this post so you wouldn’t have to read through the entire swamp of S2 Gavin translations to understand what’s going on, but I’ll still include links to the references made! 🍒

INTRODUCTION  [ 0:00 - 0:12 ] - Reuniting as adults

I received a jump scare the first time I played the theme song LOL

It starts off abruptly in two ways - (1) the sound effect resembling a puff of air, and (2) the fact that it mirrors the 0:38 mark of S1 Gavin’s theme.

The sound effect resembling a puff of air essentially captures how S2 Gavin and MC reunite as adults -

Before I take a step forward, there’s a sudden tightening on my wrist.

My hands are firmly clasped behind me. Before I can get a proper look at the person’s face, my whole body is pressed against the glass behind me.

??: What are you doing here?

A familiar voice enters my ears, reminiscent of wind from the past awakening my memories.

The fact that S2 Gavin’s theme starts around the halfway point of S1 Gavin’s theme is pretty significant.

On a superficial level, this could reflect how there’s both a sense of familiarity yet foreignness to their dynamics. But this isn’t limited to S2 Gavin x MC, because the dynamics between the other love interests and MC do see a slight change as well.

But what’s perhaps more unique to their situation is that back in S1, Gavin and MC didn't get to know each other properly until they became adults. In contrast, when S2 Gavin and MC reunite as adults, they already have a shared past in Loveland High.

While we don’t know how their lives in Loveland High played out in detail, it’s inferred that they had meals together frequently:

Boss: Then, do you remember that lady who often came here with you back then? She still visits, and also likes to have her beef noodles with extra chilli.

Also, Mr Keller knows that the two of them are somewhat close and are still in contact, since he gets MC’s help in passing Gavin some old photographs, and invited the both of them to visit Loveland High for an activity. In contrast, back in S1, MC didn’t even know that Mr Keller knew who Gavin was until Campus Date.

Just as we’re thrown into the halfway point of what resembles the S1 soundtrack, we’re thrown into an iffy, halfway point of their relationship. In Chapter 1 of the main storyline, we can tell that they know each other well enough, but they aren’t as close as we’d expect ex-schoolmates to be.

Their meeting comes across slightly antagonistic on Gavin’s part, and he even straight out lies to her that officers are approaching, in order to force an answer out of her. Similarly, in Stray Date, Gavin uses his Evol to send her hovering over the ocean, once again trying to force an answer out of her.

Thankfully, this antagonism fizzles out very quickly as we learn that this is just Gavin’s tactic to squeeze the truth out of MC for her own good. And that he still cares about her deeply (evident in Dangerous Night Date).

Aside from the abrupt start, there are three other things to note:

The S2 soundtrack is much slower, and the notes are drawn out as compared to the S1 soundtrack. I’m inclined to viewing this as a representation of Gavin’s self-assuredness and pure confidence as the Commander of the STF and leader of the Special Operations Team

The piano chords. It’s probably just me, but I feel that they resemble the chime of a school bell. This point becomes significant in the analysis of the bridge, which we’ll get to later

There’s a somewhat grating, scratchy sound which I see as a representation of the tension between S2 Gavin and MC. There are only three places in the song where this scratchy sound isn’t present - the first verse, the bridge, and the outro

-

FIRST VERSE [ 0:12 - 0:38 ] - Gavin the student

This part likely represents the time Gavin was still in Loveland High, because the grating, scratchy sounds mentioned earlier (which I associate with the tension between Commander Gavin and MC), aren’t present.

At 0:24, individual piano notes come in. Even though they sound careful, they aren’t played in synchrony with the firm and resolute guitar notes. Sometimes, the piano notes are played alongside the guitar notes. Sometimes, they don’t.

I’d say that this represents missed opportunities. Despite S2 Gavin and MC meeting earlier in S2, MC ended up re-living one of her main regrets - not getting to read Gavin’s letter:

MC: They said Minor left a bloodstained letter on my desk and thought it was a threatening letter, so no one dared to go near it. But by the time I returned to the classroom, the letter was gone. I searched for such a long time… but couldn’t find it… I thought I accidentally threw it into the dustbin, so I looked through it for a long time. But… I couldn’t find that letter anywhere.

My voice grows even softer at the end, and I don’t dare to lift my head to look at him.

Even if this world were to be reset, unexpected events still present such regrets.

Like a merciless joke, an antithesis to my unwillingness to be powerless.

Even if she had read the letter and gone to the meeting spot, it turns out S2 Gavin didn’t even stay long enough to meet her at the arranged time:

Gavin: That’s not important anymore. Back then, I had already left before the arranged time. So it’s all right.

-

SECOND VERSE [ 0:38 - 1:04 ] - Gavin the Commander

The grating, scratchy sounds come in, injecting a metallic feeling which is in line with how S2 Gavin is often described as a “sharp blade” numerous times. As mentioned earlier, these sounds could also be a depiction of the layers of friction between MC and S2 Gavin.

MC is on her guard around S2 Gavin at the start, such as in R&S [Reunited Yesterday] where she thinks of leaving Lynn’s Kitchen the moment she sees that Gavin’s there too, and how she was genuinely fearful and trembling when he used his Evol to send her hovering her over the ocean in Stray Date.

If you listen carefully, you can hear that the individual piano notes are somewhat copying the upward climb of the guitar we’re used to hearing in the S1 bgm.

This could represent MC holding on to her memories of S1 Gavin as she navigates the new dynamics she has with S2 Gavin, which gives her the courage not to get intimidated by his cold exterior, and to trust him completely.

Gavin: I haven’t even rescued you out yet.

MC: With you around, there won’t be a problem.

-

FIRST CHORUS [ 1:04 - 1:28 ]

From 1:19 to the end of the chorus, the piano keys go off on their own, and they come across much more confident and complement the guitar notes much more than in the first verse.

I see all the choruses as instances where S2 Gavin and MC are given opportunities to work together, and we witness how well they gel as a pair. The best examples so far would be Stray Date and The Guardian Project.

I’m no longer that person who only knows how to let you stand in front of me. This time, I’ll stand beside you, and will not back down.

-

THIRD VERSE [ 1:28 - 1:56 ]

Nothing to say here, similar analysis to the second verse!

-

SECOND CHORUS [ 1:56 - 2:22 ]

Same analysis as the previous chorus.

-

BRIDGE [ 2:22 - 2:47 ] - Reminiscence

This part is breathtakingly beautiful. It’s obviously in stark contrast to the rest of the song as the piano takes the stage here. Even though you can still hear the electronic guitar in the background, it’s incredibly muted and mirroring the melody of the piano.

The instrument complementing the piano (it sounds like a harpsichord?) sounds like a middleground between the sharpness of the electronic guitar and the gentleness of the piano.

And here’s where the piano chords I mentioned at the start are significant. This is the only part in the entire song where the piano chords aren’t played. Rather, the chords are broken up and played as individual notes.

This part gives me the mental image of S2 Gavin and MC on the rooftop of Loveland High, reminiscing on their school days when things were simpler. It’s a moment where they peel away their roles as STF’s Commander and Black Swan’s Nox, and are simply Gavin and MC, old friends from school.

It basically represents the rare, precious moments of reprieve S2 Gavin and MC get in the ever-looming danger of S2.

Yet, even outside this safe bubble, the chords continue to be played consistently. They may be subdued in certain parts of the song, and louder in others, but the chords are always there. Their shared past in Loveland High isn’t something S2 Gavin can just ignore. On the contrary, it’s something that likely supported him through his time in the Police Academy:

Gavin is standing underneath a tree, holding a photograph in his hand.

Gavin doesn’t notice Tang Chao. All of his focus is channelled onto that photograph. In this moment, he seems to have unloaded all his defences, becoming a Gavin different from his usual self. Those perpetually stern eyes have grown dim, bringing with them a twinge of fatigue.

Tang Chao holds his breath, subconsciously squinting his eyes to identify the photograph. On it seems to be… a female? Could she be Instructor Gavin’s…

-

THIRD CHORUS [ 2:47 - 3:13 ] - The power couple

The chorus returns with incredible force, and it’s slightly different from the first two choruses. In the first chorus, the piano is subdued. In the second chorus, you can hear the piano, but it melds into the melody.

In this chorus, the piano is clearly audible, but it doesn’t disappear into the melody like in the second chorus. It goes off on its own, yet blends with the music at the same time.

I’m given the image of a power couple who complement and fight alongside each other. We see this very clearly in The Guardian Project), where S2 Gavin sees MC as an equal to the point where he readily agrees to go along with her plan without having to hear it first.

MC: I have a plan. It could lure the suspect out without requiring more manpower. Would you like to try?

Gavin turns his head to look at me steadily.

Gavin: What do you need me to do?

MC: You’re agreeing just like that?

-

OUTRO [ 3:13 - end ] - The future

As mentioned at the beginning, the introduction mirrors the middle portion of S1 Gavin’s theme. Here, the outro mirrors the first few notes of S1 Gavin’s theme...

We see S1 Gavin in S2 Gavin. His clumsy way of showing concern, his protectiveness over MC, his jealous tendencies, his handsome face, etc.

Gavin: But protecting you - this won’t change.

His expression is very cold, and a certain emotion seems to be restrained in his voice.

What he says is reminiscent to words being tossed out in a fit of anger. At the same time, it’s also reminiscent of a vow he has always been fulfilling.

Gavin: Regardless of position, I’ll never let you get caught up in danger.

The tune draws to a close with a crescendo which ends abruptly yet on a hopeful, anticipatory note. Their story is far from over, and I can’t wait to see what this undefeatable tag team will accomplish together.

-

Final thoughts:

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this even though S2 is still very far away LOL And special thanks to @ginkgomoon​ who has been waiting patiently for this analysis T^T♡ If you enjoy reading Gavin-related analysis, do check out her blog!!

I wish I were a better writer so I can fully convey why the S2 Gavin x MC dynamic is so incredible, and quell the worry most Gavin stans have about S2.

Relying on my translations is a completely different experience compared to hearing the emotions in the voiced lines and seeing the sprites, so I can understand why it might be difficult to feel as much for them as I do T-T

The thing I love most about the S2 dynamic is that the relationship between them is much more natural. Instead of S1 Gavin falling head over heels for MC the moment he saw her in the rain and started following her around, S2 Gavin and MC already established a friendship in Loveland High in S2. And they tease each other so much more HNNGHGH SLOW BURNS HURT SO GOOD

[michaels-blackhat]

thoughts on evil Forrest 😈

We are going to start out by apologizing. This is very very late. I’m sure when you sent this ask, you meant it to be in the same joking tone that I approach all of my other propaganda posts. Sadly, this is actually going to be a deep dive into a few Evil Forrest related things, including the moment I feel they changed directions, the perfect wasted build-up, and the implications of the change/how it then negatively impacted the story. As I’m sure you already know, by being on my blog at all, I don’t think the story was good to begin with, so we are going to focus on the weird hoops they made themselves jump through to make that story still work. Additionally, I am only going to mention once, right now, how much of a waste it was to not have Forrest ‘fall for his mark’ and complete one of my absolute favorite tropes. Honestly, I think “because I want it” is a completely valid reason to like Evil Forrest. But, the question was “Thoughts on Evil Forrest” and these thoughts have been developing for over a year and a half. So, I apologize in advance.

The majority of this is under a cut, with highlights in the abstract. If no one wants to read this, I understand completely. Go ahead, skip it.

Note: it pains me greatly to not actually have full sources for this essay. Just know that in my heart I am using proper APA citations, I just absolutely do not feel like digging through tweets to find sources to properly cite.

Abstract:

Previous research indicates that Roswell New Mexico has a history of repeating excuses to explain mid-season changes to plots. This essay explores how those excuses are not only loads of crap, but how they hinder the show’s ability to tell a coherent story, misuse the multiple-plot structure to enhance the themes being explored, and lead to decisions that mean the show continuously goes over budget. This also means that characters are not used to their full potential and has led to what some fans consider to be “out of character” behaviors. While these behaviors are not universally agreed on, evidence can be shown that these behaviors directly contradict emotionally important character arc/plot points in the show.

The author of this paper acknowledges that the show took some strides to mend this problem. However, once again no consensus could be found on whether Forrest was a low-level member of Deep Sky and thus just allowed to fuck off on a bus, or his job was recruitment because he did a piss poor job of making Alex not join.

The concept of Evil Forrest has been with the fandom as early as New York Comic Con (NYCC) in 2019, when it was revealed that Alex had a new “blue-haired love interest”. Speculation abounded within the fandom, with some people, including the author, going “yeah, he’s evil” while others rejoiced in the concept of Alex having a loving partner. Speculation increased as fans discussed Tyler Blackburn’s seeming disinterest in his new love interest, prompting some once again to scream “EVIL” at the top of their lungs to anyone who would listen. Very little was revealed, beyond the fact that the new character would show up somewhere around episode 3 of the second season.

Episode 2.04 aired with some commenting on how he barely interacted with Alex- prompting more evil speculation- and others excited to see the characters interact more. The character appears again in 2.06, where he invites Alex to dubious spoken word poetry (which Alex attends); 2.08, where they have a paintball date and go to The Wild Pony; 2.10, where the two are seen writing together briefly at the beginning of the episode; and 2.13, where Alex performs his song at open mic night, tells Forrest his relationship with the person in the song was long over, and they kiss. Forrest was not revealed to be evil during season 2.

Amidst the season airing, Word of God via Twitter post announced that yes, Forrest had originally been planned as a villain, though not the main villain, but it was changed as filming progressed.

The Word of God Twitter post revealed that Forrest had originally been planned as a villain, but they decided that they could not make their “blue-haired gay man” a villain. This mirrors a similar situation and excuse used the previous season, where the character of Jenna Cameron was originally planned to work with Jesse Manes against the aliens, before it was changed because they just “loved Riley [the actress] too much”. Both of these examples occurred while already filming and reflect on a larger problem with the show. Though not the topic of this essay, it is important to note that both characters are white, both in the show and by virtue of being played by white actors. The fact that they couldn’t be villains for one reason or another is not a courtesy extended to the male villains who are all the most visibly brown, and thus ‘other’, members of the cast.

This also highlights the fact that, via Twitter, it has been revealed two other times that occurrences that were reported in season 1 also occurred in season 2. During the airing of episode 1.02, it was revealed that the single best build-up of tension in the show- when Alex walks to the Airstream not saying a word to Michael after a dramatic declaration- happened because one actor was sick at the time and they had to go back and film the kisses later. At the point of airing for episode 2.08, it was revealed that one of the actors were sick and unable to film a kissing scene. Allegedly, this caused the writers to retool the entire scene and deviate from the plan to make that subplot about Coming Out. The execution of this subplot will be explored later in this essay.

The last occurrence revealed via Twitter also revealed larger issues within the show: lack of planning and poor budgeting. During the airing of season 1, Tyler Blackburn was needed for an extra episode beyond his contracted 10. A full explanation was never given, but speculation about poor planning and to fill in because Heather Hemmens had to miss one of her 10 episodes due to scheduling conflicts for another project. During the airing of season 2, yet another tweet came out saying they made a mistake and Tyler would once again be in an additional episode. No explanations beyond “a mistake” were given, though once again speculation occurred. It is the opinion of the author that this was due to changing plot points over halfway through writing, while episodes were already in production. It has been speculated by some that these changes occurred during the writing of 2.08, which was being finished/pre-production was occurring roughly around the time of NYCC 2019.

Previous Literature:

A brief look at different theories of plots and subplots

Many people have written on the subject of plotting, for novels and screen alike. The author is more familiar with film writing than tv, but a lot of the concepts carry over. Largely, the B- and C- (and D- and E-… etc) plots should reinforce the theme of the A-plot. This can be through the use of a negative example, where the antithesis of the theme is explored to reinforce the theme presented by the A plot, or through other examples of the theme, generally on a small scale.

A movie example of this would be Hidden Figures (2016), where the A-plot explores how race and gender impact the main character (Katherine Johnson) in her new job. The B-plots explore the other characters navigating the same concepts in different settings and ways- learning a new skill as to not become obsolete and breaking boundaries there (Dorothy Vaugn) and being the first black woman to complete a specific degree program and the fight it took to get there (Mary Jackson). A TV example that utilizes this concept of plot and theme is the 911 shows. Each of the rescues in a given episode will directly relate to the overall theme of the episode and the overall plot for the focus character. This example is extremely blunt. It does not use any tools to hide the connection, to the point you can often guess the outcome for that A-plot fairly quickly.

This is not the only way to explore themes within visual media. Moonlight (2016) looks at three timestamps in the life of Chiron. Each timestamp has a plot even if they feel more like individual scenes or moments rather than plots as some are more used to in films. Each time stamp deals with rejection, isolation, connection, and acceptance in different ways. So while there is no clear A-, B-, or C-Plot, each time stamp works as their own A-Plot to explore the themes in a variety of ways, particularly by starting out in a place of rejection and moving to acceptance or a place of connection to isolation.

Please note that there are many ways to write multiple plots, there are just two examples.

While there are flaws within season 1 of RNM, overall the themes stayed consistent throughout the season, mainly the theme of alienation. The theme threads through the Alien’s isolation/alienation from humanity which is particularly seen through Michael’s unwillingness to participate and Isobel’s over participation. There is Rosa’s isolation from others, how her friendship with “Isobel” ended up compounding her existing alienation from her support system due to her mental illness and coping mechanisms. We see how Max and Liz couldn’t make connections. This theme presented itself over and over in season 1. While this essay is not an exploration of the breakdown of themes in season 2, it should be noted that there were some threads that followed throughout the season. The theme of mothers/motherhood was woven throughout season 2, with some elements more effective than others. Please contact the author for additional thoughts on Helena Ortecho and revenge plots.

One of the largest problems within season 2 was the sheer number of plots jammed into the season. These plot threads often ended up hindering the effectiveness of the themes and made the coherence of the season suffer. Additionally, a lot of them were convoluted and difficult to follow.

Thesis:

Essentially, season 2 was a mess. To look at it holistically is almost an exercise in futility. Either you grow angry about the dropped plots and premises, you hand wave them off, or you fill them in for yourself. Instead, this essay proposes to look at individual elements to explain why Forrest should have stayed evil.

We first meet Forrest in 2.04 when he is introduced on the Long Family Farm, which we later learn was the location where our past alien protagonists had their final standoff. He’s introduced. He’s largely just there. The audience learns he has more of a history with Michael. In 2.06, we meet him again with his dog Buffy (note: poor Buffy has not been seen again and we miss a chunky queen). There’s mild flirting, Alex is invited to an open mic night, which he attends. For the purpose of this essay, the author’s thoughts on the poetry will not be expressed. Readers can take a guess.

It is after this point that the author speculates the Decision was made. This choice to make Forrest not evil- paired with the aforementioned ‘can’t kiss, someone’s sick’- impacted the plot. We have Alex have a scene with his father- which the author believes could have been pushed to a different episode- and then have Alex go on a date and then not kiss Forrest at the end of the night. Here, the audience sees Forrest hit Alex in the leg, allegedly not knowing he had lost his leg despite ‘looking him up’, which parallels the shot to the leg that happens to Charlie. Besides wasting this ABSOLUTELY TEXTBOOK SET UP WTF, it also takes Alex away from the main plot and then forces a new plot for him. Up to this point, Alex’s plot was discovering more about the crash and his family’s involvement. Turning Alex’s date from a setup for evil Forrest to a Coming Out story adds yet another plot thread to a packed season. It is also the author’s thought that this is where the convoluted kidnapping plot comes in. With Forrest already in 2.10 for a moment, a plot where Alex is evil has Forrest attack him for Deep Sky rather than Jesse abduct him for a piece of alien glass Alex was going to give him anyway and then for Flint to abduct Alex from Jesse. It’s messy. In a bad way. Evil Forrest would have been a cleaner set up: no taking back a piece of alien glass Alex gave to Michael in a touching moment. No double abduction. Instead, there is only Forrest, who Alex trusts, breaking that trust to take him as leverage over Michael.

Implications:

Now, Alex has two plots (Tripp & Coming Out). The Coming Out plot is largely ineffective, as they are only relevant to scenes with Forrest and have the undercurrent of there only being a certain acceptable way to be out. This could have been used for Alex to discover his comfort levels, mirroring Isobel’s self discovery, but there was not enough screen time for that. Additionally, Isobel’s coming out story was about her allowing herself the freedom to explore. Alex’s story was about the freedom to… act like this dude wanted him to. Alex’s internalized homophobia played out often in the series but it was also informed by the violence he experienced at Jesse’s hands and the literal hate crime he and his high school boyfriend experienced. With that in mind, the “kissing to piss off bigots” line comes off poorly. This is a character who experienced what a pissed off bigot could do- reluctance to kiss in public is not the same as not being out. There is more to be said on this topic, but as it is not actually the focus of the essay, it will be put on hold. To surmise: Alex’s coming out is attempted to be framed as being himself, but it is actually the conformity to someone else’s ideals. It does not work as an antithetical to Isobel’s story, as the framing indicates that the conformity/right was to be out contradicts Isobel’s theme.

Further Research:

MAKE FORREST EVIL YOU COWARDS

Author Acknowledgements:

The author of this paper acknowledges that the show took some strides to mend this problem. However, once again no consensus could be found on whether Forrest was a low-level member of Deep Sky and thus just allowed to fuck off on a bus, or his job was recruitement because he did a piss poor job of making Alex not join.

[may-day-voice]

In Sickness & In Health

Hitoshi Shinsou Timeline | 172732014

please do not repost, but you have permission to reblog :)

• Watch/ Listen on YouTube: https://youtu.be/66oADQs3Srk

• Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35005000/chapters/89130877

• Read on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1166824103-hitoshi-shinsou-pro-hero-au-172732014-in-sickness

Hitoshi Shinsou simply wanted to leave the desk after filing away the last of his reports following the influx of funds generated by the Charity Ball a few weeks back. Surprisingly many had helped support the Exegol Agency despite the larger well-known agencies taking in more for their name and prestige. Still, it made for a stronger foundation to get on top of the Overhaul situation, one that he was told to take a proper Christmas break to start afresh in the New Year, with hope that nothing else would come from it.

RING

He eyed his phone, noticing the name that appeared on his screen which in turn piqued his curiosity. Packing things down on his desk, he collected his phone, answering with a sigh from the long day he had.

“What are you doing calling me?” He asked immediately, half-exhausted, yet also playful in his own way.

“Someone wanted to say hi,” spoke Eri on the other line, the sound of the phone shuffling in her hand before it felt like it was gripped by another’s.

“Hi!” Chirped a young voice, the boy’s happiness untethered from the air between Shinsou’s phone and ear. “Are you coming over today?”

Shinsou couldn’t help but smirk at the sound of Sana’s voice on the phone while he sorted out the last of his paperwork on his desk, standing from his chair to leave. “Yeah, your Dad said you’d be happy to see me,” he replied, earning a cheerful affirmation from the boy. It was odd to feel revered, but Sana Aizawa had become a part of his life as well as many others amongst the Hero community. Somewhat a complete antithesis from his parents, which in turn if he had to blame someone for this boy’s upbringing it was probably the young girl with the phone.

“Aizawa wanted to know if you were okay with eggnog, seeing as he’ll be making two kinds,” asked Eri, now returning to the phone and conversation at hand.

“That’s not a problem,” answered Shinsou, already slipping into his large coat to brave the chill outside. “We won’t be staying the night though, so no need to make plenty.”

“Thanks, that’s a good help.”

“Can I have eggnog?” Asked the boy in the background, loud enough for Shinsou to hear.

“Only whichever your mom gives you.”

Shinsou cracked another smile, waving farewell to a few coworkers and Sidekicks in the agency before he exited into the cold, finding the evening to snow a little, adding to the chill. He saw his breath linger in the air, condensed by the warmth before his phone rang with a tiny bell. A message, minor compared to the phone call he was on, but soon found that it came to an end.

“We’ll see you soon,” Chirped Eri, before hearing a loud farewell from Sana over the phone.

“Same to you,” ended Shinsou, before he immediately hung up. On screen was the earlier message, reading that it came from you before he swiped it open to find the rest of it rather… odd.

Can you do me a favour and buy watermelon?

Shinsou stood in the cold with feet planted in the thick powdered pavement of snow, confused by the request. It was winter and watermelon in itself was difficult to come by given that it was a seasonal fruit meant for summer.

I can try, but I doubt I’ll find any.

A moment or two passed before he slipped his phone into his pocket, continuing on his way back to the apartment. Given the circumstances surrounding the Commission now being out of commission, to say the least, he was well aware that you had spent your days at home. You had been put out of the job unfortunately, but that alone didn’t stop his agency from hiring your expertise now that these events aligned amongst the rest of the Hero agencies as well. Still, the request was strange. Shinsou thought you would be more focused on preparing to make the trip for Christmas dinner with Aizawa, despite the man being a former homeroom teacher to both of you.

DING

He collected his phone once more from the sound of another notification, no doubt from you, except the query this time started to worry him.

Pickles, then?

You hate pickles.

Ginger tea?

The back and forth grew shorter, but it only urged Shinsou to dial your number, bringing the phone to his ear while he still made his walk back to the apartment. For a while, he only heard the dial tone before you picked up with nothing but dead air on the other line.

“What’s going on?” Asked Shinsou, sceptical and yet worried about these strange messages.

“… I don’t feel well,” you replied with a slight echo in your voice. “Do we have any crackers?”

The sound of your voice made it seem like you were in the bathroom with that echo bouncing around. Shinsou came to a few conclusions, wondering about the state you must be in before he had to go straight to the crux of the conversation.

“How unwell?” He asked dryly with a low hum from you in reply.

“I’m just… nauseous. It’ll pass…” you slowly replied in an attempt to keep your voice level despite the strain that was evident. “Do we have crackers?”

Shinsou stopped in his tracks, standing in the middle of the pavement while people walked by. You didn’t sound well, in fact, you sounded horrible. The notion that you were possibly sitting by a toilet bowl by yourself for who knew how long concerned him, soon making haste through the snow when he deliberated on his next decision. “I can call Aizawa and cancel tonight,” he offered, already set on making that decision on his own.

“No, don’t… I’ll be fine with something in my tummy,” you insisted in an attempt to dissuade the plans already made.

… don’t tell him…

The words echoed in Shinsou’s mind, faint, but vivid in the sound of your voice. Odd. You were nowhere near him, not in sight of him or vice versa for you to even connect with your mind. He wondered while he still kept pace. Surely it was his own mind hearing things.

… don’t tell him you’re…

Shinsou’s feet suddenly halted in the middle of the pavement, having made his way to the corner of an intersection, still with phone in hand. However, he felt that he held his breath, shocked by the words he heard that echoed in his mind. It was your voice. He could hear it loud and clear. And the words that you uttered in his mind, whether you knew or not, made his heart leap out of his chest and his blood almost boiled with trepidation.

“I’m coming home,” he immediately spat, almost yelling in the phone before he made haste when the lights cleared him to cross.

“What?” you moaned.

“Stay where you are. Don’t move.”

Shinsou hardly breathed a goodbye before he hung up his phone, stuffing it into his pocket and continuing to dash faster down the street. He slipped a few times or so on the packed snow, knowing that he clearly didn’t wear the correct shoes for a run down the street, but he needed to hurry. He felt the need to hurry.

Who knew how long you had been in the bathroom, he thought.

Out of breath and sweating through his thick clothes thanks to the winter chill, Shinsou made it to his apartment block, rushing into the foyer and pressing for the elevator to take him up. He eyed the floor numbers, finding that the elevator took longer than he liked to reach the ground floor and opted to run up the flight of stairs instead. He hated the prospect of it, but he didn’t think. He just ran, almost hopping a few steps at a time in hopes he would reach his floor faster. With a crash, a bang, and a few missteps on his way, Shinsou almost galloped to his apartment door and quickly pulled out his keys to enter, now out of breath from the run and the climb up the stairs. A mewl from Toka caught his ear, but his eyes were set on the bathroom, noticing the door was left open. He clamoured towards it while pulling his thick coat off his shoulders, peering inside to finally find you.

“Kitten?” he called through exhausted breaths that stung his lungs from the cold air outside. He expected as much to see you draped over the toilet bowl with legs sprawled on the floor, yet he was cautious about the state of your health, wondering if you were truly okay. Those thoughts of his were soon exacerbated when you slowly reached your hand out towards the sink nearby, collecting something from its counter before holding it up above you in the air, as if in defeat or surrender. It was undeniable now that he saw proof of what you had whispered into his mind during that phone call.

There in your hand was a pregnancy test, held languidly due to your ailment and showing positive results.

“I love you, you know that, right?” you uttered, turning your head from the toilet bowl and staring back at Shinsou with tired eyes, yet still trying to hold a weak smile.

He wondered how long you had situated yourself in the bathroom, seeing how exhausted you looked possibly from the nausea you had already admitted to. He slowly entered before he took the pregnancy test from your hands, eyeing the two bright lines that burned against the white. He raked his mind on all the questions - when, where, and how, soon concluding on all these questions with a heavy and disgruntled sigh. Without another word, he sat beside you, back to the vanity of the sink and mirror while still staring at the results in his hands. Shinsou couldn’t fathom the situation while your head still hovered over the toilet bowl, hand against your head to keep yourself upright.

He was going to be a father.

“We always jump ahead, huh?” he asked in hopes to fill the silence despite your ailing circumstances.

“Always…” you whispered, tired and unable to keep your eyes open.

Shinsou gazed at your exhaustion, still wondering how long you had been sitting by the toilet today. If he recalled, you were fine this morning, perhaps a little anxious about something, but he had put it down to you being understimulated with very little work after the Charity Ball. The thought only made him grumble a little until another dry heave escaped your throat. Who knew you had a weak constitution?

While your head still hovered over the bowl, with nothing to show for your nausea, Shinsou slowly picked up his phone from his pocket, eyeing the device and contemplating his next course of action. Of course, he had to cancel Christmas dinner with Aizawa for a start. It wasn’t the first set of invitations he had to decline, recalling Midoriya’s get-together last and missing out on the celebrations after learning he had proposed to his now fiance. However, he sat on the decision to make another call first, scrolling through the names before he went forward with pressing the speed-dial.

A moment of the dial tone rang through his ear, before a familiar voice greeted him on the other line.

“Kaminari, think you can come over?” he asked solemnly while his eyes laid back onto you, holding yourself up from the toilet seat. “I need… help.”