#today we were more people in the discussion which was nice bc then there’s more view

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

Discussing history with my floor mate is interesting bc he’s half Iranian so he obviously has a personal interest in the Middle East but he also sorta seems to forget that I study history

[wispstalk]

Some writing advice for hunting, bc I see a lot of hunting scenes in fantasy that make me itch. More under the cut. Don't read if you're sensitive to blood-and-guts discussion or animal death.

Finding game:

- I don't hunt much these days bc I don't feel like getting my ass out of bed at shitfuck o'clock every weekend during the season. Which you have to do, because much of the time you come home empty-handed. Successful hunts come about when you're out there often.

- You don't really have to be a good tracker to hunt, but you do have to know the basics of your prey and you have to be able to interpret the landscape even if it's unfamiliar. It's less likely a tracker is looking for "bent blades of grass" or whatever and more likely they are noticing game trails, sheltered areas where nests and burrows are, a spot of thick vegetation which would indicate a water source.

- Scat and footprints are useful too ofc but to varying degrees. If I'm hunting deer it's just confirmation that they're in the area; more often I use knowledge of their habits to actually find them. If I were hunting something elusive and solitary like a cougar I would pay more attention to the tracks but that's also a reason people hunt with dogs!

Actually hunting:

- Bows are not the only hunting weapons, though would be most common in ur typical medieval fantasy type setting. Spears and lances, slings with stones, and clubs would also be used. And knives and swords but in this hunter's opinion, FUUUUCK that.

- Lung shot is a quick death. Heart shot and head shot too but that is much harder. Other shots might mean tracking a wounded animal as it runs away. This is where things like broken twigs/bent grass are especially telling, and ofc blood. Small game bleed out faster and won't get as far but you might spend quite a while running after an elk shot in the flank.

- This highly depends on the prey but hunting often involves more sitting around than people realize. I bring a small pad for my booty ass bc sometimes you'll spend hours in a strategic spot waiting for the game to pass by. Also hides (the shelter, not the skins) are a thing and most hunters would consider shelter-building an essential skill.

- Hunting seasons are not entirely a modern convention -- there are better times of year to find different animals. But there would be less concern, historically, about killing animals during the breeding season than we have today.

- Even when I was hunting regularly and more confident, I got a huge adrenaline spike EVERY time I had an animal in my sights.

Big game:

- A deer has a lot of meat on it and though it's not a bad thing to leave a carcass for scavengers, your party of two or three adventurers probably will not go to the trouble of hunting deer unless they have some nearby place to cache, preserve, or trade what they can't eat before it spoils. Are they leaving it behind or do they have some way to take full advantage of such a large kill?

- If your character gets a large game animal they're probably going to field dress it: deal with all the blood and guts on site, then quarter it so it can be packed back to the campsite or whatever. My dad is a big burly mutant man and he cannot carry a deer by himself. You can carry game on poles or horseback too but field dressing is pretty typical in a situation where u can't just fling it in the back of the truck and hang it at home.

- I grew up eating bear and when it comes up I'm often surprised how many people don't know that people hunt bear for meat. It's tasty imo, especially makes a good sausage

- I can hunt deer alone, though company is nice. I wouldn't attempt hunting something more dangerous by myself. Large animals especially are better taken down as a group effort. In the TES context for example it would be kind of insane to hunt horker alone. Not that some folks wouldn't try.

Small game:

- A character who subsists mostly on hunting is going to be eating a lot of small game. They are probably going to use traps and snares in addition to actually going out on hunts.

- Look up "rabbit starvation." Small game is often (but not always) lean and going without fat for a long time can cause serious health issues.

- I joke that you don't hunt turkey, you just go get one. Game birds are kind of stupid. I plan a deer hunt, but I have gone out and shot grouse on a whim.

Processing:

- Draining blood, skinning, plucking, butchering, dealing with all the bones and guts, storage and preservation: pretty time consuming and involved. It's a good excuse for social activity.

- The moneyed classes likely would not process their kills themselves, unless they're doing some kinda randyll tarly masculinity flex for the symbolism. Kitchen staff or a local butcher would handle it.

- A good skinning knife is kinda wide and short. Some game knives have a rounded tip which keeps it from puncturing the skin in case of accidental slippage.

- Skinning is done with a light hand bc puncturing the digestive system means you've poisoned the meat. I will say it is less difficult than I expected it to be the first time I tried it.

- We don't eat a lot of offal in the US but a deer liver, for example, would be considered prime meat by many and eaten first. Bear, walrus, and seal liver contain toxic amounts of vitamin A and would be thrown away.

- I've been told every animal has enough brains to tan its own hide, but I think there are some exceptions. It's definitely true of deer and elk. With small animals like rabbits it's hardly worth the effort of getting the brains out and other things can be used but brain tanned leather is soooo soft and nice.

- Hides and pelts are useful and valuable and would be kept or traded if circumstances allowed. You can tightly roll a hide to keep it from drying out before tanning, or you can freeze it, basically indefinitely. You can also air dry it once scraped clean and soften it later, which is what fur hunters would most likely do for efficiency's sake. Tanning is also so so so fucking gross imo. Really slimy process, and tanneries REEK.

That's all I can think of for now and this is already hella long but the takeaway is that it is generally a pretty involved activity and more impactful on lifestyle than I usually see depicted. So there ya have it

[savannahsdeath]

ok imagine reader just got to jackson and is super confident and basically tells everyone what to do all the time. like people always listen to her bc she’s lowkey scary. ellie’s a bit of a loser all the time at first but then gains confidence and tops reader. readers so shocked bc she’s used to getting what she wants shshsh

ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! public sex, cocky!reader n the rest is obvious from the request🤗

writers note: this is a scrap im sorry im sick.. and im not apologizing for leaving yall on edge sorry guys🤭 also it has 1212 words??? signs

"you and jesse." you said to dina, after a long discussion about who's going to patrol today.

"why not me?" ellie scoffed. "i want to patrol too!"

"oh, sorry, els." you laughed mockingly. "maybe next time."

the appointed couple started slowly walking towards the stud, obeying you without thinking much. the girl that had to stay against her will kicked a single rock in disappointment but didn't say anything else.

"come on, we gotta sign it." you waved your hand in a 'follow me' gesture and started walking towards a public building, to which everyone had access.

it's where a lot of important meetings happen, but for now it seemed empty.

you opened a book and searched for a label with today's date before writing dina's and jesse's names down.

"now, what am i supposed to do? the town's boring." she complained as you sat on a couch, next to her.

"but it's safe." you rolled your eyes. "you'll survive a day off."

"you are, unfortunately, probably right." ellie grumbled. "so you're just going to sit here and relax while i go stir-crazy?"

"mhm. oh, and i'm always right." you nonchalantly shrugged.

she barely managed to stop herself from rolling her eyes at you. "of course."

you looked at her and smirked. you could see how mad she was, but you knew she won't do anything about it. she wasn't the type to argue, especially not with you. she just continued fidgeting with her fingers, like she always did in your presence. you chuckled to yourself as you thought about it, enjoying her discomfort.

you leaned back in your seat and relaxed, satisfied with the view of her irritated expression. she looked like she wanted to say something, but she knew it would only fuel your ego and make her feel worse.

eventually, she turned to look at you, and her facial expression begun to betray an emotion. she was clearly not happy with how things were playing out here.

"i know you always have to get your way, but it would be nice if you actually listened to me every once in a while." she said, not raising her voice, but making it clear that she's becoming more irritated as the situation continues.

you frowned in disbelief. "excuse me?"

she looked away again, her voice turning into a whisper. "you heard me."

"excuse me?" you repeated, your tone shifting to be more firm and authoritative.

ellie looked back at you, as if in a defiant manner.

"you need to learn when to keep your mouth shut." her voice was still soft, but you could see the fire in her eyes as she stared at you unwaveringly. she was clearly not willing to back down from her position.

silence

you were to stunned to say anything.

ellie was the first one to speak, speaking rather calmly, given the circumstances. "i said what i had to say. you can go ahead and tell me to shut up now."

she remained staring at you, not blinking, not fidgeting, just staring into your eyes.

"you're funny." you smirked, not taking her comments to heart at all. "i like that."

"oh, you like that?" ellie says as she crosses her arms in front of her chest. there is a certain amount of playfulness in her voice, although the underlying tension between you two is still present. "you like that someone finally spoke up?"

"now that i think about it.." your grin widened and you stood up, walking to a nearby counter. "no, not really."

"oh, i like this game." ellie said in return, getting up off of the couch. she slowly made her way over to the same counter area where you were. her movements were steady and calculated, not showing an inkling of fear or anxiety, even though she was well aware of the fact that this was an intense situation. she was almost enjoying it. "let's see, what else can i do to get on your nerves, hmm? maybe this?" she leaned against the counter, close enough to you that you could feel her breath on your neck. there was a small part of you that was worried about where this was heading, but then, unexpectedly, she begun to speak very softly to you, close to your ear, making this part stay silent. "i can make this much worse, you know."

you can't help but feel a tinge of excitement running down your back. this was a risky move by her, and she was almost daring you to do something about it.

"i don't think there's anything worse than standing so near to you." you whispered, but didn't even try to push her away, expecting she'll back down by herself.

ellie leaned even closer, to the point where your faces were barely an inch away from each other. you felt her breath, you could see the little details on her face, everything was amplified to this degree.

she slowly whispered into your ear, so gently that it almost felt like a caress. "now, you really don't know what you're talking about."

ellie paused for a moment, but not for long. she reached her right hand out and took your left in hers. her touch felt warm and soft, but at the same time there was almost an electric tension in the air around you two.

she slowly begun to speak to you again. "why do we have to fight, huh? is this what you really want?" you felt a slight pull on your hand as she pulled you closer to her.

you sighed, knowing this wasn't in your scenario, but you had to play along. "there weren't any problems, as long as you were listening to me."

ellie's eyes betrayed a hint of irritation once again. "well, there's one problem there." she said as she continued to hold onto your hand. "you aren't always right." she leaned in even closer as she spoke. "sometimes you're just a stubborn, idiotic, bossy, and insufferable pain in the ass."

she finally pulled you all the way up to her. you could feel her breath on your face as she stared intently into your eyes. she seemed to be searching for your next move.

"and still people listen to me." you forced a smirk on your face, which probably turned out as a nervous grimace.

"you know why?" she tugged a strand of your hair behind your ear. "because you're new here. people don't know your backstory and they're scared of you. they think you're... mysterious."

you felt ellie starting to caress your face as she held you in place.

she whispered; "but right now, you're not in the control."

after she said this, she slowly started to move her hand down towards your shirt, as if to prove her point.

you frowned for a short second before mumbling a quiet; "i always am." which turned out way less convincing than you wanted it to be.

ellie's hand slowly inched beneath your shirt. she was very clearly enjoying seeing you squirm in this position.

"oh, is that so?" she said in response to your previous comment. "then why don't you stop me? you're in control, remember?"

the fact is, you could. she'd let you, too. but you didn't want to. you let her do that, and a few more things, even though you risked getting caught. that's what you needed all along.

[elusiiev]

The Brainrot is Consuming me.

anyway earlier me an my friends were discussing what kinda clothes the main cast of omor would wear bc.... yk half of the cast is in fucking npc ass attire, and we went back and forth about it a lot and now i feel obligated to share this with other people to see if they might agree with my headcanons

mari - for mari i feel like she's very much a cardigan girly, sundresses all the time, probably like sweetheart and square necklines on a lot of her shirts, and she consistently puts lots of time into her appearance, more so for her own pleasure than anything else. however if she doesnt get to change out of pajamas she'd probably get a little upset and feel unproductive as a result - idk she just seems very schedule oriented and i feel her clothing style and habits would match that. she 100% irons clothes, if somethings wrinkly shes not wearing it, and she'd lean into the academia aesthetic. she also gives summer vibes to me, but that might just be because the main canon images of her are during summertime - also lots of purples and yellows, purples her fav color and yellow is the complementary color, plus a color associated with bright light and summertime

hero - he'd probably have a more basic style of fashion, but still look very cute in it. like big sweatshirts, long coats, button ups, wide leg jeans, collared shirts, clean shoes, all in all a very clean look. he prob has some of mari's jackets in his closet that he wears pretty frequently. also he would always wear earrings BECAUSE I SAID SO I THINK ITS AWESOME he might also be a bit into academia fashion, but less over-the-top "i'm the top professor of this college" look and more just autumnal tones and mildly professional attire. also i feel like hero would iron some of kel's clothes if he noticed they were very wrinkled, which might result in hero running out of time to iron clothes for himself, in which he just switches his outfit last minute. this is hyperspecific but but but but but yes

kel - this man does not know fashion, all his tips are from hero, which hero got from mari. his wardrobe probably consists of graphic tees he found funny or pretty, hand-me-downs from hero, and plain shirts and jeans, probably with a couple rips in them from him being reckless. also he always wears some sort of brace, either on his arm or leg he is consistently getting hurt in some minor way /j dirty converses real!! also probably some pen/pencil marks on articles of clothing from getting bored and deciding to doodle randomly on them. also bracelets from random fundraisers or from crafts with the rest of the gang

aubrey - shes actually kinda hard for me to figure out, but i ffeel like aubrey would be wearing a lot of graphic tshirts and tank tops, but like those ones with extra detail yk the ones the grunge ones yeah those, and like huge cargo pants or wide leg jeans, chains hanging from pockets, necklaces and bracelets, and generally ripped things. so kinda punk but also still very fem and not very out there in terms of fashion styles . however this would only be half the time, this half is when she's really feeling like putting in effort to look nice, probably being like "im gonna be like mari today" and spending a good chunk of time putting together an outfit and such. the other half she's fucking done with it and throws on whatever shirt she can find and some pants, tosses her hair a little bit and throws on eyeliner and is out the door, somehow looking gorgeous still. like that effortlessly pretty look even when theres nothing outstanding abt the outfit

basil - grandma ass /j he probably thrifts constantly and the antique store is one of his fav places, so it seeps into how he dresses. lots of sweatshirts with intricate embroidered or sewn in designs, coats, lots of browns and greens, and very worn things. probably wears some traditionally feminine things he finds too jsut because he thought they were nice, again think grandmacore /j he's a very green and wiggly boy, lots of layers in his outfits, and is pretty rarely seen with short sleeve shirts. also collared shirts, messenger bags, pins, custom patches, and friendship bracelets. his clothing represents who he is and can tell a lot about him for the most part, basically story telling through what he wears since he has so many accessories that come from different places. also lots of floral patterns because he's he's the flower boy the little man the flower guy . in summary cottagecore mori kei esque things

sunny - his ass is not putting together outfits /j ok so i feel like sunny is the type to save his energy for other things, i feel like socializing might be a bit draining for him but he loves his friends, so he kind of switches up how he uses his energy to accommodate. but sometimes he'd probably wanna be like mari and put himself otgether, so he probably goes shopping with her and has cute clthes, his outfits just end up being very simple with a graphic tshirt and maybe an oversized jacket. HE ALWAYS WEARS SHORTS!!!! he dislikes the feel of pants and preferred shorts, even if he's cold. if he'd cold he just kinda balls up and puts a jacket around his legs. anyway i feel like he's probably being restricted a lot by his preferences (i hc he has autism and this is one of the ways it impacts him) so he's not the most fashionable person

OK THATS IT this took too long to write it took like maybe 30 minutes ummmmfehrhfweifu im obsessed with this game its taking over my every thought i needed to express this my brains going crazy bhhuu8ewifihbweifuweifok

[volchyayagoda]

i don't think i ever posted much about our trip to japan, and today i starting thinking about some of favorite memories, so here, you guys can have them too:

walking through a field-y part of ueno zoo behind a group of college boys who had made up a call and response song about aye-ayes. funny kings one and all

the group of girls with a bubble machine at shibuya crossing late in the evening who were clearly having the time of their lives

the two extremely sweet older ladies who were handing out samples of, i think some kind of jelly?, at a food court who were very excited to practice their english with us while i was trying to practice my japanese with them. they were even more excited when we told them we were from reno and started telling us how much they loved las vegas

walking along the path to ueno shrine, where some of the sakura had bloomed early

hanging out at nara park and watching a drama unfold where a little boy (maybe 5 or 6?) wanted to feed the deer, apparently not expecting the deer to be so aggressive when you have senbei for them, and a minute later watching this same boy run away from the deer, who followed, while screaming for his dad to help him, and his dad just stood there cracking up. like, me if i was a dad, honestly. the boy was fine btw

going to tokyo tower at night, which i had wanted to do since i was 12-years-old, and meeting a subaru cosplayer. things that make me think "actually fate IS real"

trying to get up the courage to ask a mandarake employee where to find the saiyuki doujinshi for kate, and while kate and i were discussing this, another customer overheard me and asked if i wanted help, and then very kindly asked for me. this actually gave me the courage to ask where to find the berserk doujinshi later (:

the very nice older man on a packed evening train who offered kate his seat, which was a godsend because her feet were dead after a full day of shopping

our first taxi driver, who was unfortunately very soft-spoken, speaking with me in japanese even though i had to keep asking him to repeat himself bc i couldn't Hear, and telling me i spoke beautifully, which i know actually means "it's very nice that you're trying", but was still very sweet to hear like right after getting off the plane

the little ramen-ya that sat six people we found in osaka where i had the best ramen i have ever tasted in my fucking life. i dream about her every day

seeing all the girls around kyoto who were dressed in kimono for graduation.

going to kasuga-taisha shrine. i'm not religious in any way, but it was a very like...meaningful experience. that's the non-corniest way i can put it lol

watching the real life mario kart tournament happening on some cordoned off streets while we were walking back to the train from tokyo tower. the little carts were so fucking funny and it was absolutely delightful

walking down the street in kyoto and seeing a man cycle past us with his sleeping shiba inu tucked into like, a baby sling on his chest

THIS BIG FUCKING CRAB ANIMATRONIC IN OSAKA. IT MOVES! BEHOLD THIS STILL IMAGE

[thelaurenshippen]

You mentioned that you got excited to write the shopping montage when you "realized a certain character would be sticking around." Was the initial uncertainty around that because you weren't sure how the story was going to unfold, or because of some of the real life complications around availability and casting? Stories definitely have a life of their own, but do you feel like you've got a fairly firm plan in mind with "Bridgewater?"

bridgewater spoilers below the cut!

a little bit of both! there's always some uncertainty around what's actually going to be possible production-wise and, of course, we did end up getting alan tudyk in as thomas bradshaw because nathan fillion couldn't come back. and we all couldn't be happier about that! nathan and alan are close friends and alan is doing such a wonderful job that it all really worked out well - but there was definitely a little bit of discussion around "well, do we want to recast or do we want to write thomas off" and ultimately decided that thomas was in so little of season 1 that recasting wouldn't be super disruptive.

I tend to only very broadly plan past a first season when I'm building a show, and usually I'm only focused on, like....the themes and vibes and character growth I want. so in bridgewater's case, I didn't have a S2 plan when writing S1 beyond "here's what I want for jeremy and anne to experience", which could manifest in a whole LOT of ways (this is extremely vague I know, but obviously I can't talk about it until the whole season is out). there was a moment where I thought about jeremy and anne hearing thomas' voice at the end being a fakeout and it actually turns out to be some kind of hallucination or weird paranormal trick, but aaron and I, like, BARELY entertained that. we really wanted jeremy to have the chance to get to know his dad and I love "man out of time" stories.

anyway, long story long, I didn't necessarily even have the arc of the plot and lore of S2 mapped out when we figured out how we wanted the season to end, if that makes sense. I had really clear goals in mind for the emotional journeys that each of the characters would go on, and toyed around with a few ways of getting there before I landed on the one I ended up writing. part of why I don't plot out the specific story beats beyond a first season is because a) I'm a very character-forward writer, so whatever is going to enable the characters to have the emotional arcs I want is what I follow and b) when actors are involved you just truly never know how that's going to transform things.

for instance, I've talked about this before, but jeremy didn't swear all that much on the page in S1, but misha threw in so many swears when we were recording that the S2 scripts had way more cursing for Jeremy from the start. I loved it, I loved how misha's perspective on the character and sensibility altered the way jeremy speaks - he's funnier in S2, with a drier wit, because misha is very funny with a dry wit. it's the same thing with anne - melissa plays her hard-nosed nature so well, but she also has this absolutely incredible softness to her, that I actually wrote her calling jeremy "sweetie" or "honey" in S2 a few times (which I have a lot of squishy feelings about, I just have a lot of squishy feelings about them in general bc of the chemistry that misha and melissa have). same thing with misha and karan - they had such a playful chemistry that it was really easy and nice to lean into the real genuine love and care that vipin and jeremy have for each other (this is, like, SUCH a minor spoiler for what's coming up next, but I was just listening to this episode today, and in future episodes people refer to vipin explicitly as jeremy's best friend because like....yeah, he totally is. jeremy is a pretty loner-ish guy and even though vipin is his TA there is a genuine closeness there).

so there's that kind of stuff that can shape the emotional journeys the characters go on which of course can shake up your plot completely (if anyone listened to The Bright Sessions and has heard me talk about this specific thing before, this is exactly what happened with mark/damien - that relationship was not supposed to result in one of them falling in love and the other one, like, kind of falling back a little against his better judgment (I mean, christ, damien was like the one character that when I started writing I was like 'yeah this guy is straight' turns out VERY much no) but it turned into that because the first time andrew and charlie sat down to record together as those characters it was INSTANT sparks. some of the wildest organic chemistry I've ever experienced as a director lol).

but then there's also the fact that sometimes your actors are your direct collaborators on building the story! of course aaron is my partner in crime in building the world of bridgewater, but for S2, because misha was on board before I even started writing it, the two of us had several conversations both as I was outlining and then after all the scripts were written about who jeremy was and what we wanted for him. so I tend to keep all my plans fairly loose because I love the spontaneous collaboration that comes out of working with other people.

YEESH that was such a long winded answer, but thank you for asking!

[sorcerous-caress]

hope this isn't weird to ask but how long have you been writing and how old are you? did you ever take any courses related to writing or have you been improving through writing as a hobby?

Hey it's not weird at all, I'll happily answer!

I'm 20 years old, and I have been writing non-continuously since I was 12.

My first fic was written with colon punctuation for spoken dialogue instead of quotation marks bc I didn't know what those were at the time. For example:

Bob: nice weather we're having today (he said with a smile)

Bob2: I signed the divorce papers, they're on the counter. (Sighing at the other's stubbornness)

I posted it on wattpad.

Afterwards, I never wrote anything else, but I learned about Ao3 and kept enganging in fandom spaces. At 14, I joined roleplaying group chats, which made me think and write faster to keep the rp going. Eventually, it became one on one rp with another person where we would take our chat history log, freshen it up a bit, then post it as a fic.

By 16, I joined a fandom server with a semi serious writing subcategory in it. People more experienced and much older than me would beta for other's story. It's where I picked up the habit to write drafts in google docs so I can easily share the link for a beta reader to add suggestions to.

I still haven't written another fic by then, not by myself, at least. I got very insecure at the time about my writing and lack of knowledge. Mind you, I joined the server, not knowing what punctuation was. It took several beta readers adding punctuation for me until it finally clicked that I should use it.

It felt like I was an outcast in a way? Sure, everyone treated me just as nicely as others there, but I noticed the little things that added up over time. Like how no one would react or talk about the stories I post, but if someone else shares theirs, then the entire server gushes over it. Or how one time I reacted to my own story with an emoji, only for someone else to mention how it's me who clicked it and I shouldn't do that. It was a very unhealthy environment for a 16-year-old surrounded by 30-20 years old, but I stuck to it because I wanted to improve my writing.

Even if I was ignored, they'd still beta for me as a chance to offer "constructive criticism." Artists can be very petty when a low skilled person joins them.

My skills improved, and I posted my second fic! It was nothing remarkable, but it felt like the first stone into the stairway of improvement, yk? I loved that fic, it was my crowning jewel.

But as a result, I started to hate writing. It was a struggle, I'd spend hours on two sentences while others on the server were bragging about their 50k fics. I hated my own inability to perform better, to write better.

I got sick of reading my own writing from the number of times I'd rewrite it in an attempt to format it better. I couldn't even bare look at other's writing or read fanfics on AO3 because I'd always compare their writing to mine. Break their style down and analyse it in an attempt to spot what I'm doing wrong.

I left the server eventually, abruptly too. It was for the better.

I swore off of writing.

For two years, that was true. I gradually came to reading fanfics again, but just looking at a blank document was enough to get me nauses.

By 18, Aot happened, and the boom in x reader fanfics.

Everything I've written up to this point has been ships. Not once did I consider the idea of an x reader. For a while, I used to scoff at it and label it as cringe, as if the ship fanfics I was reading wasn't cringe either. Elitism, I tell you.

I saw these request blogs and how posting on tumblr seemed less intimidating than AO3. How intimate it felt to have an anon talk to you about your own fic that you wrote for them, to have people discussing your writing and stories with you! And they ask for more!

Sign me tf up.

I started my first writing blog, and I didn't know shit. I learned as I went. The new formatting, the tumblr tag system, creating a masterlist.

How important presentation is in here.

In AO3, your fic has the same chance of being read as any other one. Only your description is there to judge it by. But on tumblr? The shiny bookcover was almost as important as the material inside. In here, you have to market your own fic, present it with a lovely bow on top, add a pretty eyecatching header, and all the right trending tags.

Luckily, it clicked easy for me. I used free domian paintings from past centuries to make my covers, and they stood out amongst the anime cover galore. It was a little pretentious, I admit, but I also was a little pretentious, so it's alright.

I played my cards right, answered requests enthusiastically, and delivered fics at a fast rate. Paid attention to what styles worked best and what genres attracted more attention. At that point, it was a numbers game for me. Play marketing right, and you'll win at capitalism.

It felt very degrading and dirty.

My personal style fazed out, and my fics had a sanitised safe for mass consume feel to it. It was written to appeal to you rather than written out of any real love or passion.

It was soulless garbage.

Not to mention at the time I still used the same unhealthy and needlessly convoluted writing method I learned from that server. Yes I cut ties with them but I still didn't have any other alternative writing method to use.

What's that? Just write however I want? Are you crazy? What like my 12y old self wrote on wattpad? My 18y old self would rather die than actually be true to themselves.

I was extremely insecure and afraid of being labelled as "cringe" I completely ereased any stray stains of personality that managed to trickle their way down into my writing. Not once did I write for myself during that time, and not once did I actually enjoy a single piece I made.

I hated all of them, I couldn't bear to even read the fics I wrote. But I still made more and more to appease the requesters, still forced myself to sit and write each morning for hours on end.

A tight timeline, an exhausting production and no friends or hobbies to fall back into and relax. It was a fucking nightmare.

What ircked me the most was how people would just keep requesting more without a thank you or even a fuck you afterwards. It's like it's a fast food drive-through and I should be grateful for any attention I get.

But I never said a word. I never complained because complaining drives away people and engagement. No, I needed to keep my happy chill imagine and never show any emotion or talk about my struggles in real life or writing.

Instead of realising I hated my writing because of its lack of essence and soul, I convinced myself instead that it's because my skill level is still too low.

So I searched online. I found writing courses I couldn't afford, and neither could I ask my family for money for anything at the time because of personal reasons.

So I put on my pirate hat.

Apparently, people don't bother uploading the scam writing tips courses to pirate websites. That's fair.

Instead, I pirated books from famous authors talking about writing. Read them and tried to apply their methods, ignored my own preferences, and wrote to fit their subjective standards of what good writing is.

I signed up for free trials courses that didn't require a credit card and copied every single file into my hard drive before the trail ended.

I had so much material to study. I watched youtube videos about writing. I really really tried everything I could.

But I still loathed every fucking word I put down on these pages.

And I hated how a general advice in writing was to "follow your heart" what is that supposed to mean? I can't do that. Others do not like my heart, It has been proven many times before so how about you just give me some useful advice instead you useless wrinkled piece of shit book?

.

..

...

You can't force or fake creativity.

You can fake an elegant writing style, you can copy interesting lines from famous books and apply them to your own writing, you can include every trendy word in all the right places.

But you can't fake creativity.

I wished I was 12 again. Writing fics on wattpad, where my style was worse than garbage, and yet I loved it. People loved it.

Because it was garbage with a soul, a garbage that had empty chocolate milk bottles and spilt sprinkles. A garbage that showed personality and where my priorities were. With kids' fingerprints in colourful paint and a toddler's fridge artpiece.

A garbage that mirrored my love for the art.

And I ruined it. I traded it all for stupid punctuation that I didn't even care for.

I was happy.

Like every other probome in my life, I ran away.

I hit my breaking point. The requests were never ending, the studying and writing books were getting more and more pretentious and contradicting themselves. I barely had time to eat, I don't talk to people or go outside.

I do not have the time for anything, I missed having friends.

I left the blog. I stopped writing, it was too anxiety inducing.

I got into videogames again, I enjoyed the text heavy ones. I chose to ignore what that implied.

They were so...beautiful.

And fun!

I made some friends, I was happy for a while.

Then, one of my favourite characters in my video game mentioned missing their parents, how hard the funeral was.

It hit home.

I'm not writing, I convinced myself with a lie, I'm just gonna put down my thoughts on them...in a google document.

See just around 1k words, easy peasy. I AM NOT WRITING. It doesn't count.

But I did write it. Not with any calculated formula or method. I wrote my thoughts like how I hear them in my head and what I felt, what I imagined the character would feel.

Then, I added some dialogue, trimmed the corners, and sprinkled in euphemism.

It was simple and bare, vulnerable.

I posted it. It never got much traction.

But I was happy, I liked it, even loved it and kept rereading it.

I was 19.

I nervously showed it to my friend. They mentioned how much they can't stand reading books or fics because the words overwhelm them courtesy of their ADHD.

But they managed to read mine. Very smoothly.

Because my style, my own personal style that is set to my preference, makes me write in small paragraphs and straightforward. I never linger on details or focus on one thing for too long, I always give breaks and seperate events from each other.

And it clicked for this one person who struggled with reading, a style that will get criticism in any serious writing circle for being too simple or childish.

They liked it.

I hate needless convolution.

I just turned 20 years old, I asked for Baldur's Gate 3 early access as my birthday gift.

I received it, I played it.

I fell in love with its writing.

Then I made this blog, and I promised myself not to follow rabbits into any holes again. To reject the requests I don't want, to write because I love to, because I find it interesting or fun.

To never feel obligated to any thing or person. Only write if I want to, only post it if I want to. And if I don't want to? Then I simply won't.

And yes this blog gets much less attention than my first one but the people in here, the anons and my readers, they interact much more with me and my writing. It feels much better to have a handful of people genuinely excited and curious about your stories than a hundred people who would only leave likes and leave.

I have never touched a writing course or a helpful book since then. I block every writing tips blog, I see. I hate each and every single post about writing tricks and immediately skip past it.

I don't care if I improve anymore. I don't care if people don't read my stuff. I do not care if my style degenerates so much and reverts back to wattpad. All I care about is the fact I love writing and I enjoy it, I plan to keep it this way.

-

It's also funny that I'm writing in English since I when I first started writing at 12 it was in Arabic. My first fic? In Arabic.

And I was willing to go down that road yk. Keep true to my heritage and culture, write in my own beautiful language.

But. I wrote about queer topics and stories. Homophobia is still a massive thing in our society. My story was more infamous and taboo than famous and beloved.

I had so many people coming to my dms to "educate" me about religion and sin. How what I'm doing is wrong and the message I'm spreading is haram.

It was funny at first especially when it was the quran that made me want to write in the first place. Because it's actually a collection of poems! It just loses its rhythm when translated to English. It was so beautifully written, I'd listen to it always as a kid.

But then those dms became unbearable and I decided to learn english to join the western fandoms instead. A 12y old just deciding to fuck it and learn a whole new language to write gay fics.

A lot of my struggles in writing at 12-17 was because I was still learning English at the time.

This was fun. Thank you so much for asking this, anon! I had the chance to reminisce about the past.

I made so many mistakes. But I'd rather having made them and reached this point of content with myself than not having made them at all.

[magnoliamyrrh]

I thought radical feminism opposed hijab

dont worry, no offense taken lol, i dont mind ppl just asking questions, and youre far from the first to ask me abt this. if anything tks for asking lol ive been wanting to make a post abt this on this blog, just hadn't gotten around to it

so. this is going to b a long and tangeled one. my opinions and feelings on hijab are quite complicated and conflicting and they have been so for years, and i think its important that i say a)in all honesty by this point i dont know what my stance is 100% and im not going to pretend otherwise b)i dont think my opinion is the most important on the planet when it comes to this discussion c)opinions among islamic feminists are not uniform on this topic d)i consider myself to be heavily leaning twoards radical feminism, and i engage w the community bc at least youre still allowed to talk abt shit and ill take women who are critical of everything under the sun than women who cant discuss shit; however i wouldnt say im a full on radfem, moreso an orbitor whose mostly on board

i really dislike the way liberal feminism, both from outside of islam and liberal feminism imported into it, approaches this topic. theres a billion nuances and things to touch up on in this discussion which i wont even get to; none of this starts and ends at "choice." and to start and end the discussion at choice is to miss out on any historical, social, psychological, or even religious analysis - how are we to speak of choice when so many muslim sisters believe that an all powerful god is commanding them to do something? this is not choice the way the liberals wish to understand it. also, i always said that i dont think covering is a feminist thing to do really - just bc a woman chooses to do a thing dont make it feminism all of the sudden

it is true that hijab is historically tied to sexism, this is undeniable. in islam it came about mostly after the death of muhammad pbuh; at least, it became more common. the quran is not specific when it tells women to cover. it was also the influence of other cultures and religions of the period which had an affect on islam; orthodox christianity, zoroastrocism, etc. it is indeed true that the hijab is entangeled with patriarchy and patrilinial systems - while it may be about modesty, this modesty exists in a male benefiting system in which the woman is expected to be modest (and sexually "pure") outside of marriage - so that males, in a patrilinial system, may know that a child is theirs. in a way, it was a way to mark a woman as private property; slave women, sex slaves or not for example, were in many cases not allowed to cover their heads, because they were public property, not private - which considering the shit ive been through, i do find to be deeply uncomfortable and angering. its also the case that the wearing of the hijab was often split among classes; at times only higher class women would veil for the most part, at times only lower class women would, depending on the place and time.

now, knowing this, and not denying its origins. its also important to understand that hijab has also taken up other meanings, and has functioned differently through time and cultures.

there is something to be said about its practicality in the place where it originated and where it is still warn, which is the middle of the desert. muhammah himself pbuh for a time grew up among the bedouins. if we look at the clothing of the nomadic peoples of the deserts of north africa and the middle east, its not just the women who are covered; the men as well often cover everything but their eyes. bc in a place with burning sun, sandstorms, winds, and biting cold during the night, this makes sense. i can also say after living in a desert for a bit over half a year, having essentially a thin blanket to wrap yourself in and shield yourself from the elements is actually quite nice. if we look at traditional saudi clothing today, men also wear essentially robes and cover their heads. if we look at ottoman clothing, the men would also often wear robe-like clothes, or both men and women would wear shalvari, loose harem pants;;; theres also something to be said about veiling, or the covering of the head, not being a unique thing to women in many cultures, within islam, and outside of it, from a cultural but also a spiritual perspective. if we look at orthodox priests and monks for example, many wear very similar clothes to nuns. if we look at the sikhs, the men cover as well as the women. etc. if we look at traditional romanian culture, it was also undignified for a man to walk around with his head uncovered (though by a hat and not a veil).

there is something to be said as well abt the veil not functioning the same in many places and cultures. so much of the discourse around muslim women and ~oppressed muslim women circles around the veil, and this has been so since the dawn of conflicts between the west and east - this endless fascination with it, with either demonizing or sexualizing it; youd think the entire islamic world revolves around it. in truth there are islamic societies and cultures in which it doesnt matter that much, in which some women wear it and some dont and some or most wear it in a way that is not "proper" according to some (turbans hands and neck showing jewerly loose veils etc - thinking particularly abt many places in africa but theres plenty of others). there are places in which the veil has become moreso of a focus as a direct result to colonialization than it was before; partially bc when someone invades your country, disrespects your entire culture, and bans you from doing shit, when you get rid of them you're going to double down. but again, there have been and there are plenty of places in which it wasnt... that big of a damn deal. i always love seeing old photos of the balkans for example, bc its just..,, niqabis, hijabis, women wearing traditional clothes but not covering, women wearing western clothes, niqabis wearing western clothes but only covering their faces,,, all together

im not denying the origins of the veil, nor am i denying that on many of our sisters it is pushed; i am not denying that this is an issue. i fully stand by our sisters who are against it, completely or not, i fully stand by our sisters who hate it, i fully stand by muslim and exmuslim and culturally but not religiously muslim women who dislike it or have had traumatic experiences with it - and i wish their voices and concerns and frustrations werent so buried by this whole damn "choice" discussion. it is clear that changes have to be made, that it cannot be forced, neither by threath of violence, neither religiously and culturally by telling women and girls that they have to or else they are sinful, undemn, going to hell, distracting men, or whatever the hell else. we have to completely do away with these concepts; only then could veiling be a truly free choice for a woman. we have to analyze and critique how all these concepts that surround so much of this - purity virginity modesty etc - are in retrospect sexist. we have to look at how modesty in islam is prescribed for both sexes, but it is most often only the sisters who have the rigidity of hijab forced onto them, while muslim men feel comfortable wearing shorts and taking their shirts off, etc, and noone ever really calls them sinners, tempters, undemn, sluts, etc. we have to question how much it matters at all how we personally feel about the veil, if in material reality we are still doing what men want us to do - to not question this would be to fall into the same trap that the postmodernists fall into

at. the. same. time.

the issue of hijab and feminism is deeply entangeled, as i mentioned earlier, with imperialism, colonialism, islamophobia, and racism. this whole rhetoric that the muslim woman must be unveiled to be liberated is an old one, one which predates feminism. example, the forced unveilings in algeria - where as far as i understand the colonizers had to first get women to veil in the first place to then unveil them; they are the ones who made this a focus. what france is doing right now - banning the hijab in public buildings under the guise of "liberating" muslim women - is an extension of this imperialism, this racism, islamophobia, sexism etc. this idea of "liberating" muslim women - from their own culture and religion by enlightening them with the western one - is one that has been used as justification for invading entite countries and wrecking havoc, and the veil has always been a primary focus in this. this has come from both western feminists, but also from western men - who didnt give a single shit about sexism, they didnt give a single shit about the sexism they were committing against their own women, but they suddenly cared abt sexism when it was abt liberating muslim women (of colour) from evil muslim men (of colour)

there is also something to be said abt the hijab being taken up throughout time as a symbol of anti-colonial resistance. per example many muslim women started veiling after both 9/11 and after what happened in palestina, as a symbol of resistance and pushback etc. i do think this is an important aspect to remember and a part of this conversation - that in the west, and outside of it, some have taken up veiling particularly as an act of defiance, and a symbol of solidarity with our fellow muslims. this is technically part of the reasoning for wearing hijab too originally, so that a woman may be known as a muslimah by her fellow muslims - the veil is indeed an identifier among ourselves, but also a target which paints us as clearly muslim to others. i also think its important to point out that there is nuance in who and why and how some women choose to veil; there are those who indeed start veiling completely agains the wishes of their families, husbands, community, etc - and this makes the discussion of hijab both in the west and outside of it more complicated, bc then, by doing so, we are not necessarily even conforming to expectations, if that makes sense.

while the hijab may be part of islamic patriatchy, it is also at the same time the anthises of western patriarchy. there is a quote which goes, about algeria and the niqab, "the colonizer is frustrated by the woman who sees, but cannot be seen." in the western world, where a woman is expected to show herself, to be sexy, to be beautiful, to always be covered in makeup and get plastic surgeries so that she may be attractive to men, to have her beauty and sexisness always to be consumed by any man (and women who refuse to do so are demonized and seen as lesser), a world in which billboards with half naked women are everywhere and sex appeal is used to sell any god damn thing, etc etc etc, it is true that the hijab stands in opposition to this - a refusal to make oneself and attractiveness avaible to the eyes of men. in a world in which a woman is so judged by her beauty, to show nothing but your eyes and hands, and nothing of your shape or beauty, is indeed in opposition to what western patriarchy wants or expects (also not just the west tho, plenty of eastern countries who have taken up these sort of expectations for women: south korea an example). reminds me of a niqabi i know on youtube, whose husband never saw what she looked like before they got married - this woman indeed has the certainty that her husband did not get with her because she was attractive or sexy, but because he genuinely cared for her and her personality, who she is, bc he had no damn idea what the woman he committed himself to looked like. but this frustrates the western man, who thinks he is entitled to see any womans beauty whenever he may please. he is not.

one of the reasons why i still wear it, is less to do with modesty, and more to do with, i hate men seeing me. i spend my childhood being bought, sold, raped, endlessly used and sexualized by males. when i was a preteen men started catcalling me on the streets in romania. etc. i dispise, i truly do, men having their eyes on me to any extend whatsoever, i truly do. to me, it is comforting to have a big veil i can wrap myself around in, whose folds i can dissapear in, with which i can cover my face and the shape of my body. its comforting to wear niqab, bc it means no man is seeing any part of me much, and thats the way i like it. i don't consider this dissappearing from public life - im very much still there, and my loud ass mouth which always gets me in trouble v much means i dont dissappear lol. its a way to be in public without having to worry that any man can see my body, think that i have a nice ass or my hair is beatiful or whatever the fuck else. im also lol deeply traumatized and brain damaged, and maybe autistic, and i get sensory overload easily at times. its also comforting to have essentially a thin blanket to wrap myself around in whenever i want bc of this, i find it to be very grounding and safe feeling. i also like that when i veil, most men understand to keep some distance from me and not touch me, which i appreciate. now. thing is. i shouldnt have to dress any sort of damn way for men to not sexualize me, men should know to keep their damn eyes off of women etc, but. they dont. at the same time veiling truly isnt some sort of ultimate escape let me make that clear - men will sexualize anything and everything, and there are plenty who specifically sexualize the veil. a woman could walk around almost naked, or she can walk around in full niqab and chador; there Will be men who will sexualize her, sexually harass her, assault her, agress her, or at the very least judge her. because theyre pigs

i also still wear it bc its a cultural thing, and this matters to me. when i first started veiling at 14 it was partly to do with spirituality, partially to do with this. i didnt come to america by choice particularly, and ive done a truly bad job at assimilating into its culture - when i did try, it left me with much self hatred and shame, so. yea, at some point i snapped out of that and decided the whole assimilation thing wasnt for me. ive had a habit of dressing traditionally for years, and starting to veil when i was younger was a part of that - even though i am uncomfortable with how this tradition has affected some of the women in my family, and the way i was exposed to it when i was younger - i saw it as something i was, lets say, reclaiming. now, i dont think "reclaiming" the veil is much a feminist thing either btw, i think it is at best perhaps neutral. but it has mattered to me for years as a symbol of both culture, a connection i share with my grandmother and grand grandma, the older generations who were less western, and a symbol of resistance to the expectation and pressure of assimilation. also. lets look at another part of traditional clothing which has sexist origins - jewerly. in the balkans (and many other parts of the world) the jewerly of a woman was her security; if her husband died, or divorced her, etc, a woman would be able to sell her jewerly to survive (this is also why historically women are given jewerly as gifts in many cultures). the jewerly also signified her social rank and "worth" - in the context of weddings (in which a bride price would be payed to the brides family by the husband in an often arranged marriage, aka, she was sold), the woman or girl would often be adorned with much jewerly which had not only spiritual and cultural significance, but it was meant to display the wealth of the families and the worth of the bride, as if she were some precious item bring bought and sold. even so - even with the sexist entangelments of traditional jewelry - im not going to stop wearing that, either; nor do i think traditional jewerly has to be forever entangled in its origins.

and i still wear it bc of spiritual reasons; as said earlier, many cultures and religions have taken up covering as a spiritual thing, for both men and women. i do find that personally it grounds me and reminds me of a series of responsibilities that i have, and it is a constant reminder of the presence of divinity (or the divinity in everything etc). also growing up i always just thought it was beautiful, even when the rhetoric pissed me off, i always wanted to look like one of those orthodox saints. the virgin mary, maryam, had style, thats all im saying

.... no. the choices i am making do not exist in a vaccum of individualism, and im fully aware of that, and ive been going back and forth on what exactly it means to wear hijab for years. but if wearing hijab is a part of islamic patriatchy, i have to wonder if taking it off while im in the west, even as a act of solidarity with our sisters, would not be further feeding into the very old imperialist idea that the muslim woman ought to unveil in order to be liberated and free - as if the west is any less sexist, as if the expectations placed on women here arent also a damn nightmare. none of these "choices" exist in a vaccum, and i very much feel caught in the middle, and no, i dont have some singular answers or solution or opinion on any of this. i really dont

i also think there is something to be said about, there are different ways of going about, lets say, reforming what the hijab means and how it functions, which do not neccessitate its full dissapearance. in marocco for example the younger generation has been switching between wearing hijab one day, and not wearing it the next. this already breaks expectations and some of the values and ideas that surround it, and it normalizes it in a way which makes it just another item of clothing, rather than something that has to be strictly followed, or that has to do with a womans worth and purity or this super important thing. and again, there are many places in which the hijab is warn in a nonstrict manner, taken off, put on, worn loosely, worn with short sleeves or showing the neck or jewerly or whatever - which is also what i do. i think this may be a middle path to this issue to take

i also would like to touch up on briefely on the purdah - the sociatal segregation of the sexes, practiced in islamic cultures as well as hindu ones, and some others - of which the hijab&niqab are a part of. i have written abt this in this post; while the topic is complex, i do not believe the purdah has to be inherently sexist, and rather, id prefer if society was more sex segregated than it is, just in an egalitarian way - partial segregation as far as im concerned allows for a level of saftey and sisterhood for women, in the best cases

so. uh yea. idk probably a lot i didnt get to and this probably wasnt the most clear reply - all this to say, its a nuanced and complex issue which i do not have some sort of solid standing on. and which, again, among islamic feminists is also not a uniform issue. while i cant remember off of the top of my head whose written on this, there is an islamic feminist tag on this blog that you can look through, and you'll come across the names of many authors who have probably at one time or another touched up on it. theres also somewhere there a post with pdfs to several books, which may be a good place to start farther looking into this if you are interested. im sorry if this wasnt a super satisfactory or clear answer, its just an honest and complicated one

[bivampir]

idk if someone dmed u already but from my understanding 1) people were being racist as hell when someone brought up book louis like saying he was… “mildly racist”… as a *slave owner*… when he preyed on his slaves when he was turned into a vampire. this was sparked from a discussion where people were critiquing book louis bc he’s known as the “human vampire” but did not care about these people at all bc he was. u know. horribly racist and did not see black people as people. which brought up how anne rice is also racist for writing that but not fully exploring it? like she dropped it like a hot potato bc she actually doesn’t care to explore it on the fact of being a racist white lady (looking at you david!). but people are soooo willing to defend her and him and claim she was just ignorant to this. (a woman who was a teenager when schools were first desegregated in America mind u.) so yeah that happened but thank god I did not see more from That Drama. and 2) some articles came out praising Sam’s acting! which were very nice esp bc amc barely does any advertising for this show and awards season is coming up and we know this show will be snubbed sadly. but then people were starting a discussion about like why don’t jacob / bailey get the same attention, like both in fandom and now spilling out of fandom. I def think it is a valid discussion esp in fandom bc people tend to focus on sams performance vs jacobs and especially baileys are not talked about as much! but then… Something happened which led to 3) PEOPLE THINKING SAMS LIKE BAD FOR TRYING TO SYMPATHIZE WITH THE CHARACTER HE PLAYS??? like him emphasizing with lestats pov WHICH IS A THING ACTORS NEED TO DO TO GET INTO CHARACTER… and like saying he shouldn’t be around Jacob I 😵‍💫 this is the most insane shit btw and I barely saw any of it bc a lot of it is second hand bc I don’t follow insane people like that but… jesus. and finally 4) a lot of people try to obsessively analyze every little thing related to the show from character actions to their actors??? behaviors and what the people producing the show say. and always always always seem to take it in bad faith. like it is okay to critique this show!! but when all you do is talk about how much you hate it and the people making it… which a lot of people seem to do… bestie u do Not Have to watch it. stop trying to have the moral high ground and saying people r bad for liking… the show and the characters in it. anyhow that’s the tea! <- tbh I think people on twitter just need to block people more and not jump into these trash fires as much bc anne rices works attracts a lot of weirdos (looking at armands backstory) but sadly the season is over so these circular arguments happen every day over there in iwtv fandom god. it was just esp bad today

I...

[khaleesiofalicante]

Sooooooooooo, guess what?? 😂

Of course I bring you hot gossip on Valentine's Day. I have a reputation!!

Lmao okok. This is long so let's get straight into it;) So, a lot of people today brought flowers, chocolates, etc. My friends and I are not much of that, but Josh gave us cupcakes!! (remember Josh? Idk why all the names seem so confusing even to me if I only have like 4 friends lol. Summing up: Mark: the one with book boyfriend vibes; Josh: cupcakes and generally nice; Andrew: well, you know that one lol; and Sarah: girl with strict parents but so freaking amazing) I am horrible at thinking of names SORRY 😭

Thing is, on our break, I came back to leave some things on my place and then I went with Sarah and another girl to take a little, but just as we were out, this other girl told us she saw someone leave a flower on one of our seats (all of us 5 sit next to each other). I told them we should go and see who was it. I was so fucking sure it would be Andrew's, because we all know a lot of girls like him, and I was ready to annoy him for the rest of the day😂

And guess whose place was it in??? FUCKING MINE!!

Sarah and the other girl just looked at me in shock and before I could stop them, they were looking inside🙂. We looked, and it was a red rose with a letter, with big and beautiful handwriting that just said "Happy February 14th. I hope we get to meet."

....WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?? WTF???

And chaos unleashed from then on. They immediately went to search for the others and oh my fucking god, they are little shits bc they didn't stop bothering me with it for the rest of the day JDHDJDJKD

And they were so excited to know whose note was it. I was really curious too but I knew it would be impossible to know because we asked and no one saw who left it!! The only thing we knew is that they were two girls!!

They started gushing and smirking and winking at me, and asking who I thought they were and I literally have no fucking clue!!! And as I'm known to have the most weird love life, without actually having a love life, LET ME TELL YOU THEY HAD THOUGHTS!

I pointed out maybe it wasn't even for me, maybe it was for one of them and the person just got confused. But they didn't want to accept my theory:)

Anyway, I blush for almost everything, so you can imagine my face the entire day!! And I also laughed so damn hard. I won't recover from this😭

If I had a nickel everytime I got a red rose anonymously on February 14th, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird it's happened twice, right? But that's another story!!!

I'm still in shock. Were they a girl? Guy? Do I know them? Was it really for me? Was it for Andrew? Will I ever know????

Anywaaaay, of my favorite convos from today, because my friends had a field trip with this😂:

Sara: Ok, maybe you are right at it was actually for one of them (Andrew or Mark)

Mark: and why the fuck couldn't it be her? She could also be liked!

Sarah: I didn't say that!

....

Andrew: And do you expect it to be a girl or a guy? I mean not that it matters much ;)

...

Everyone: *chanting TeamNoah when we were discussing if it was actually for me*

...

Josh: Not that there's anything wrong with it, but with you it's more difficult because we can't even reduce it to just guys or girls😭

....

Shara: you are officially a heartbreaker. I mean, we can make a list! *Procedes to name every person I have had romantic convos with*

....

Andrew: Damn, I want a secret rose too😔. What are you doing to get yourself into this situations? Because I'll do it too!!

.....

Everyone: awww, you are blushing!

Me: of course I fucking am!!

This fanfic life has gotten our of control and I don't know how it happened!!!

@springlily25 you need to hear this😂😂

Yeah, so consider this a self-writed fanfic for Valentine's Day lmaoo

first of all what are these white-ass names i am judging you

second of all i didn't know andrew was a romeo and had a lot of girlies fangirling over him OKAY THEN

AND OF COURSE IT WAS YOU YOU ARE SO OBLIVIOUS YOU ARE A FANFIC CHARACTER (also your theory further confirms that you are indeed oblivious fangirl on the verge of an idiots to lovers trope)

ASLO A SECRET ADMIRER?? GIVE ME THIS SHIT. YES.

very curious as to who this is and i wanna know everything goddamnit this has become a priority and i shall not rest until you uncover this!!!!!

but whoever left it has fine fucking taste so good for them i guess 😎

happy valentine's day, you gorgeous gorgeous girl.

and why add @springlily25 is this not chaotic enough already???

[worldwright]

good evening ! im more and more early nowadays but that's bc i have shitty days and i love our asks <3

the strong will to kill myself is still here full force and now i want to slit my throat open :) what a great way to start today's ask BUT GREAT NEWS I CAN STILL GET ANGRY

yay

it's been over a fucking month at least that i corrected someone's spelling in a fic because they butchered a bit too much a french word and I -a native french speaker- thought it'd be good to say to the guy to correct it, i was nice and all -normally i don't really care at all but it was too bad not to correct it yk LOL WRONG THE WRITER HAD THE FUCKING STUPIDITY TO RESPOND TO MY COMMENT AND NOT CORRECTING THE FUCKING SPELLING

FUCK YOU

it's a fucking spelling, everyone misspells from time to time for fuck's sake, just correct it ????? BUT NOPE. KEEP BEING AN IDIOT

and why would i remember that now ??? because a fucker that i don't even know, the only thing Im sure about him it's he's a friend of one of my friends by the fact he's on a friends' discord server where we all know each other IRL. we were all debating about AI videos (OpenAI Sora exists and that's hell) and i was talking about nsfw deepfakes and he went "never saw that", which isn't a fucking argument, and we were debating

and i said so, because that's not a fucking argument. and he said he knew that and i just went "okay /gen" and he didn't understand, so i explained to him what it meant what id just sent, because we use tone indicators in the server to avoid any misunderstandings, and a friend dropped a link to the most used tone indicators, so a short list, because she's nice and because we're all here to learn and all, AND THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE JUST WENT "LMAO IM NOT READING ALL OF THAT" WELL YOU FUCKER JUST GET OUT IF YOU WANT TO FUCKING ACT LIKE THAT

SO I INSULT HIM, RIGHTFULLY OR NOT IDFC I JUST LISTENED TO LEO GOING "INSULT HIM" AND I WAS LIKE "YEAH", BECAUSE YOU GO AND SAY THAT IM NOT UNDERSTANDABLE AND THEN SOMEONE PROVIDES YOU AN EXPLANATION AND YOU REFUSE ????? AND OH, YEAH, MAYBE I SHOULDNT HAVE SAID "IF YOU KEEP BEING MEDIOCRE IN YOUR COMMUNICATION YOU CAN GO AWAY" AND "DONT COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT UNDERSTANDING ME AND THAT YOU SEEMED LIKE A DICKHEAD WHEN YOU ADD A 'LMAO'" THEN YOU DARE TO ANSWER WITH "IT WAS JUST A MESSAGE, NO NEED FOR EASY INSULT" YOU MOTHERFUCKER

so. i didn't know i could still have the energy to be angry, but apparently i can :))))) my favorite feeling :)))) like it is not one of the FUCKING reasons i have so many traumas because my family FUCKING REFUSES THAT I HAVE NOT EVEN A BIT OF A LOUD EMOTION BECAUSE IM THE FUCKING PERFECT CHILD AND THAT I TRIED TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF ON A FUCKIN WHIM

so, to be short, ive never learned to live with emotions :))) normally that's Leo's and A.'s job to have strong emotions :)))) and now we all understand why my main occupation of the day is to fucking flee from my emotions because im a fucking mess

SO

have a wonderful morning my friend im gonna go and read some fics, wanted to continue mine today but that's not happening if i can feel anger (it can lead to self-harm pretty easily and fast, so that's a big no)

oh god, many sympathies, that sucks :'))))))))))

ugh some people just aren't worth arguing with. they're not trying to discuss anything, they're just trying to be a dick and refuse to change their views on literally anything

I'm in my friends' apartment!!!!! trip took a lot longer than planned last night due to train delays, but I made it!!!! had some alcohol and had a fantastic time :33333 we're going out to do fun stuff today :3333333333

gonna get groceries, get food, perhaps get ice cream, there's a really good bakery we can go to....... I'm havin a great time :3

my friend is doing better now!! still not fully recovered, but able to hang out

headed to the farmers market now!! hope you find a good fic to cool off with <3 <3 <3

[yaysandnays]

recovering documentation

this blog is another branch off of @ohmygodletmesignup (the other one being @amethyst-beetle ). i made this blog to document my process of recovering. i suppose this post will be my little introduction.

TW for mental illness, sh, and su!c!dal thoughts discussion

hi. i'm Calisto (Cal) or Beetle (Bee). i'm 16 years old and writing this on 4/2/2023 (or on april third if you give me a few more minutes). i'm currently trying to recover from depression, anxiety, and what i've been told is likely ptsd. i'm going to give an extremely watered down version of how i ended up with all those.

---------------

basically, before 7th grade started (i was 12ish), my mom, sister, and i moved to a whole new place bc of a job offer my mom got. that meant i had to start a new school, and the only good schools in the area were private catholic schools. so i went to one. now i was raised some flavor of christian, so catholisim wasn't too bad for me (at first). but everything quickly went downhill.

i made one extremely toxic friend after two weeks of extreme anxiety, and she didnt help my mental health in the least. after about a year with her, i was constantly on the verge of having panic attacks. literally every single day.

then, in 8th grade, my school made an openly homophobic move. i was questioning my sexuality at the time, and this didnt help.

finally, at the end of 9th grade, we moved back to our old town where we still live today. i was 15.

finally i could actually be openly transgender (trans guy, he/him) and bisexual for the first time ever. my anxiety and depression disappeared so quickly it was shocking. but some things stuck, things i didnt even know.

it was mild at first- and i didnt even know anything was wrong. sometimes i would be walking down the hall of my new school and see someone who looked similar to someone at my old school. it would make me question things, and i wouldnt be able to figure out where i was. it was a pretty easy fix though, just a few minutes and i'd be fine.

then it got so much worse.

i was in choir, and it's a tradition we sing hallelujah every year (though since it was my first year there, i didn't know lol). so our director gives us the music, and just reading the words makes me start to bounce my leg (something that means im either energetic or anxious). then we started singing. and i couldn't handle it.

i started shaking, a lot, and i had to tell the director whilst on the verge of tears that i couldnt do it. he excused me and i spent the rest of class in another room just trying to calm myself down.

'you're safe' 'you're ok' 'you're safe i promise' is what i told myself over and over and over again.

during the concert when we got to that song, i was excused.

then my mom tried taking my sister and i to a christmas mass a few weeks later. i lasted five minutes before i had to go to the bathroom where i spent the rest of the hour sobbing through a panic attack, trying to convince myself i was ok.

----------------------------

TLDR: catholic school, toxic friend, religious trauma

so that's what happened, now here's where i am.

i haven't hurt myself in over a year, maybe two now, and it's been at least a year since i've had a suicidal thought. i've found a lot of my triggers and can avoid them too, which is nice. i havent had a relgious trauma fueled panic attack in a while. i also have a therapist who listens to me.

i think it's also important i set some goals for myself too. and i think two are good for now.

write a post when i get unstable so i dont do anything bad

update this blog at least once every two weeks

i also want to make this blog for people going through the same things im going through now or went through. i promise it'll get better, and we can do it together.

[nothingbutalgae]

Had a panic attack at a continuing ed conference today in the last like 30 minutes of it. So that was fun. Basically we were doing group scenarios, and I was with a few people I knew and a few I just met and my group immediately decided the scenarios were dumb and were just having discussions regarding them and what you would do, until one of the ladies I didn't know was like "well you haven't talked very much, why don't you talk?" To me and I said "well I've been trying to talk but everyone else is talking louder" and either her or the other one went "well just talk louder then, cut in!" As like an encouragement, and then they just go "so what would you do in this one?" and i started trying to think and talk, and then one of those two just absolutely flipped it and went "well you two haven't talked much or done a scenario so do one now!" And so the other guy light-heartedly started it and made a joke and everyone laughed about it for a good bit and i didnt respond because i was like haha joke and everyone was just staring at me waiting for me to say something in response and I got super uncomfortable very fast. It was very, very clear that I was very uncomfortable with the sudden attention and I slid out of the circle to hide as a "uh yeah I don't want to do this" but they were like "no, no, you cant hide, do it!" And staring at me and I made a comment that everyone is staring at me and the new girls I didn't know are like O_O at me more and the people I did know were smartasses and like turned so they werent looking at me at all and I'm still trying to process everyone that's happening with a lot of attention on me suddenly and the lady that threw me into the situation like leans over and tells me what I should say in a way that comes off super patronizing and I'm just like "im not dumb" and just immediately shut down completely and another lady I knew took it over and took the spot light off of me and I started crying and hyperventilating. I cannot tell you the last time I hyperventilated. Having 4 people with significantly more life experience and career experience with you staring at you, while two of them throw you under a bus for being the quietest in the group when literally we were just having discussions and weren't doing that anymore and I let me guard down completely thinking I wouldn't have to worry about it and have my actions in a fake scenario judged by people with more experience. I just feel like an idiot bc I couldn't calm down either and I made a terrible impression and two of the group members (one of which I know and am somewhat friendly with) were like whispering and talking to themselves when the group broke apart and I feel like an idiot bc I'm sure they think I way overreacted but like. Seriously I was trying to stop hyperventilating for a very long time and the one lady who caused it I just said "hey, I'm not dumb, but everyone had been laughing at the joke and then expected me to answer on the spot" and she was like shit, sorry, I've been in your position before and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and the other lady was like "awh, it's nice to communicate and I'm glad you said something" and it's like okay lady you aren't involved shut up. One of the ladies i had been hanging out with all weekend apologized later for being part of the problem later and hugged me. But like, damage is done. No recovering from that one.

[bratz-kitten]

Nikola Stojanovic’s degree theory 

— you can learn more about his theory here and here. he was the maker of this theory, i’m simply passing the knowledge i’ve researched on him in a more simplified way!!! trigger warning for mentions of death and violence for the 11º, the 15º, the 18º and the 22º degrees 

according to nikola’s research, each degree is connected to the sign it rules: 

aries degrees — 1º, 13º, 25º - taking action, fighting spirit, not giving oneself up to fate, struggle, war, can indicate abuse, labor, diligence, leadership, beginnings, etc

taurus degrees — 2º, 14º, 26º - money, food, the earth, stability, luxuries, voice, singing, etc

gemini degrees — 3º, 15º, 27º - communication, gadgets like televisions or phones, self-expression, books, siblings, neighbourhood, etc

cancer degrees — 4º, 16º, 28º - home, nurture, traditions, loyalty, faith, mother, water, etc

leo degrees — 5º, 17º, 29º - attention, life, fame, light, children, creativity, self-expression, monarchs, entertainment, strength, hair, etc

virgo degrees — 6º, 18º - to diminish, to make smaller, improvement, health, work, routine, pets, to be of service, etc

libra degrees — 7º, 19º - fairness, law, business, partnerships, fashion, beauty, charm, luxury items, music, art, etc

scorpio degrees — 8º, 20º - the 8º specifically is connected to death, wealth, to take from others, manifestation, secrets, insurance, sex, jealousy, pregnancy, etc

sagittarius degrees — 9º, 21º - abundance, expansion, wisdom, college, travelling, to explore, etc

capricorn degrees — 10º, 22º - to take control, public attention, coldness, fear, depression, rationality, ambition, father, etc

aquarius degrees — 11º, 23º - divorce, surprises, high places, high tech, new technology, humanitarianism, organizations, friends, networking, etc

pisces degrees — 12º, 24º - sleeping, drugs, alcohol, lethargy, the unconcious + our psyche, emotional dejections, feet, madness, shadows, unclear, endings, etc

0º represents the basic characteristic of the sign - it acts in its purest form. for example, if you have the 0º in aries sun, aries here acts in its most potent, pure way. 

that way, if you, for example, have your ascendant in pisces at the 13º, you’ll express aries characteristics + all that is connected to taking action, to fight. now, knowing this, this theory can manifest itself in different ways. 

i’m going to give an example that he talked about in his website that i found simple to understand yet powerful. when nikola was discussing with another astrologer, he wanted to talk about his degree theory, so he took a look at the birth chart of the wife of the other astrologer, and after a minute of analyzing it, he said as follows: “Your wife called a carpenter to the house and ordered a larger bed to be made. When the carpenter had finished the job, you went to bed and realized that the work was not properly done. One measure was right – the bed was long enough - but the other one wasn't – the bed wasn't wide enough, it was still narrow”. the look the other astrologer gave him told him that his brief analysis was absolutely correct.

his reasoning behind it was that the wife’s 12th house (which rules sleeping, beds, bedrooms) cusp began at the 21º of aries, and the ruler of that house, mars, was at the 6º in virgo. aries simbolizes to create and the 21º, a sagittarius degree, simbolizes to enlarge. so, his wife wanted to create (aries) a larger (sagittarius/jupiter) bed (the 12th house). because mars, the ruler of the 12th house, was placed in virgo (someone who renders services, a worker), she called the carpenter to the house. her mars was, however, in virgo at the 6º which is a virgo degree (virgo simbolizes diminishing, making smaller), which meant the measure of the bed had to be smaller than needed. therefore, the cusp of the 12th house (the bed) at the 21º (sagittarius - larger, longer) signifies that the bed was both long enough (enlarged), and mars in virgo at a virgo degree (6º) meant that it was not wide enough (it was narrow). nikola established connections between degrees, the signs, the planets and the houses where they fell and the aspects that they made in order to make this kind of predictions. 

he also found a few degrees to be connected to significant things. 

THE 2º DEGREE - SUPREME POWER 

nikola, through the research of the birth charts of many people throughout history, observed how those who contained planets, houses and aspects (+lunar nodes, arabic parts, vertex and of course, the four cardinal points: the IC, MC, AC and DC) in the 2º degree were those who made remarkable achievements, who wielded extreme power and were highly respected. he got to this conclusion by analyzing the birth chart of queen victoria - other rulers at the time had more powerful aspects than she did, but allas, they weren’t the ones to almost rule the entire world - it was her, so he began noticing the pattern between power and the 2º. literal jesus himself had his mercury in pisces in the 2º. i myself have four degrees at 2º, so it’s nice to know my dreams of starting a revolution, overthrowing the government and achieving world domination are supported by the astros

THE 5º DEGREE - EROTICISM 

this degree is connected to beauty, desire, sex appeal, receiving sexual attention. many sex icons like marilyn monroe, jean harlow and mata hari had it present in their birth chart. nikola talks about this being the best degree in his eyes. considering that it’s a leo degree, it’s all about living, having fun and enjoying life. 

THE 11º DEGREE - DIVORCE / SUICIDE 

both the 11º and 23º degrees of aquarius indicate divorce, but, according to nikola, the 11º is connected to suicide.

THE 15º DEGREE - CAR ACCIDENTS 

this degree, when connected to scorpio + the 8th house, can indicate car accidents.  

THE 18º DEGREE - PURE EVIL 

simbolizes a bad destiny. to nikola, this is the worst degree you can have. it can indicate rare deseases, tragic accidents. he says there’s no good about this degree but i absolutely disagree. not to be a hopeless optimist or to pretend to possess half the knowledge that he does but i think it’s pretentious to assume that a degree is literally all bad and that there’s nothing we can do about it — that takes away from our free will and our inner strength. Many, many people have this degree present in their charts (i believe nikola had it himself), it’s all about facing hardships but, well, that’s life.

THE 22º DEGREE - TO KILL OR BE KILLED 

nikola has found this degree in the birth charts of murderers + people that were murdered. his significance of “to kill or be killed” is quite literal. now, i want to remind you that this is the worst case scenario and that this degree can manifest itself in many diferent ways - just like the 18º and the 8º. the death can be figurative. for example, donald trump’s chart: he has his sun in 22º, and his mercury in 8º - and I’m afraid he’s quite alive at his old age and kicking it, even if he’s suffered a public destruction. @saintzjenx in her degree theory post talked about how this placement can also indicate abandonment. i agree, i have my sun at 22º in the 10th house (the house of the father) and my father was very emotionally absent + physically as well (his work has him working at other cities during the entire week) 

THE 29º DEGREE - CLAIRVOYANCE/PROGNOSTICISM 

the 29º indicates someone with clairvoyant potential, someone who makes accurate predictions, with great intuition. it’s to note that nikola himself had a 29º in his chart, and that he became known for the predictions he made using the degree theory (for example, he predicted that america would have its first black president ten years before barack obama was elected). but he does like to say that he has absolutely no intuition, though - what prompted him to study the degrees was his virgo rising, acording to him, his need to study and put his brain to work. still, he observed how many clairvoyants had this degree. other astrologers talk about this being a degree that means destruction (and when you analyze trump’s birth chart and how he has his ascendant and his 11th house at the 29º, you can very much argue about the truth behind that theory) but all in all, nikola talks about this degree as benefic. 

in case you’re feeling bad, remember i have the to kill or be killed 22º, plus the 8º of death, plus the 11º of suicide, plus the 23º of divorce, plus two of the 18º of pure evil! let’s suffer together besties. on the upside i have four of the 2º so we riding to eternal glory! 

but now seriously, i know some of this is very hard bc obviously life isn’t all fun and games but. remember that we all have free will, life isn’t determined and having a lot of these in your chart doesn’t mean impending doom!! i have them and i’m very much kicking it and i’m not intending to stop. it’s all about acceptance, learning how to work with even the worst degrees in order to make the best out of them. plus, the degrees can manifest themselves in a lot of different ways and a lot more matters than just them being present - like the signs that they’re in, the aspects with which they make and how harsh they are, the house where they fall etc etc. 

please do take your time to read through his website + to watch the interviews nikola did on youtube!! he was an amazing astrologer whose theory greatly impacted the way astrology is studied today. he’s fun to learn from, too, which is a plus

[yoongissilver]

Since everyone is doing their jikook timelines, here are my two cents🐰🐥

Disclaimer: This is of course only speculation. I don't know what actually went through their heads during any time, and I won't pretend I do. This is just based on my obversation and thoughts I've had through the years. Also, while I do assume they are actually in a relationship in this post I am aware that there's a possibility they're not.

2013 + pre-debut: I think JM immediately took to JK, but mainly bc he was the first younger member. I feel like there was a lot of hyung-doting, not necessarily romantic on either part. In the beginning, TH and JK were stuck together more often. Also, a lot of people disagree but I actually have a feeling that JK knew he was into guys pretty early on. Maybe that's why he was so shy around all the members in the beginning..? But I feel like he was more focused on NJ at the start. I mean..."wow, thighs"?? If that was really a crush or only admiration misunderstood as a crush (both from JK and ARMYs), I don't know.

2014: JM got more bold in his affection to JK and it seemed to be a bit overwhelming for JK at times. He did seem to enjoy the attention but I feel like he was starting to crush on JM and thought JM was only on him for fanservice...not a nice feeling. 2014 JM is...kind of a wildcard to me. I feel like his forcedly 'masculine' behaviour also stemmed from trying to suppress his sexuality...maybe he overdid it with JK because he knew he (JM) was starting to crush on him? Like a fight fire with fire situation?

2015: A huge shift not only in their relationship but also in their individual identity and they way they portray themselves. I feel like all of BTS changed a lot during 2015. Maybe working on the HYYH albums and content worked as some kind of self-therapy. But it was most palpable with jikook. I do feel like something happened between them in 2015 but not an official relationship start.

2016: Feelings get stronger~ I think jikook definitely had a serious talk in 2016 and maybe the first kisses happened or something. But I do share the opinion of many others that JM didn't want to make it 'official' before JK was of age. Which happened during Bon Voyage in 2016 and honestly?? When they were wishing JK 'happy coming of age day' JM's reaction was veeery boyfriend-y. Like...proud older boyfriend whose baby is finally officially an adult. Also, jikook performed Adult Ceremony together for Festa. This is still very much something that happened and I'm still all 🤯 about it.

2017: Oh boy. It can't get much more official than that. In 2017 so many unexplainable moments started to rush in, one after the other, culminating in their trip to Tokyo and GCFT. People can say what they want but I have the feeling that JK was sending an obvious message with that trip and everything, not only to those ARMYs willing to listen but also to JM. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere"

2018: Jikook in honeymoon phase™️ they keep bringing up their trip to Tokyo to everyone who wants to know (or doesn't lol). The members start to get a bit nervous with them...it already started in 2017, but got more during 2018 I feel. All the butting into jikook moments, poor NJ's incredulous reactions. Jikook get separated for games or when they pick rooms, interactions are cut out of official content with jump cuts, jikook inventing teleportation (jikook standing next to each other - cut - suddenly three members are between them),...in their effort of making jikook less obvious, both the other members and BH actually make them more suspicious.. whelp..

2019: The members and BH let jikook jikook a bit more. I feel like they probably all discussed boundaries which jikook love stretching this way and that way a little just to let them bounce back into place while taking a step back again. "Let's see how far we can go" a dangerous game but SK's veeeery heteronormative society/culture helps.

2020-today: I feel like they settled into their 'role' a bit more than the past years. They tested out the boundaries and know more or less what they can get away with. I think they know people speculate about them (BTS know about ships and nobody can tell me otherwise). I feel like their strategy is basically "we will do so many things just out in the open, and people will still always explain them away or go 'nah, they would never make it that obvious'" aka the frequent car sharing, "waking up next to jungkook uwu", late-night buddies, spending a lot of time together off-schedule,...as long as they don't kiss or explicitly say they're together, heteronormativity works for them - although there are some people who are suspicious about them, there will always be people who 'put them in their place'. An automatic checks-and-balances. I do feel like they send certain 'signals' that people are supposed to pick up on. A while ago I saw an essay of someone dissecting JK's art for queer-coding as seen in the Korean queer community, using words, shapes, colours that are used among queer people as signs. I don't think that's a coincidence.

Generally, I'm sure jikook didn't have an easy start. From struggles with their own identity to the issues/dangers of dating a band member. That's probably also why it took years for them to ever make it 'official'. I don't think they made that decision lightly, they're both not stupid although people like to paint them as reckless etc. It probably took a lot of (possibly uncomfortable) talks between themselves and with the other members. And then the discussions with the management (nobody can tell me that if jikook are real the staff don't know about it...all the jump cuts tell me otherwise.)...no, it was certainly not a light decision but it seems to have worked out well.

[its-tiamat]

Hiii! I hope you're doing great o(≧▽≦)o I have a request, if it's alright :D I'm soo curious, how does it feel to be close friend with Shigaraki and Miruko (separated. and, if you write for Miruko. If not, just Shigaraki is fine!)? I wonder how they will treat their closest friend, and how they will spend their time with said friend~ that's my request heheh. Thank you soooo much!! (≧◡≦)

|| YOUR BEST FRIEND ||

Ofc I will write for them! I love them both! Also there's not that much Miruko content, so it's an interesting request <3 I do have a soft spot for Shiggy too, actually I should write more about him. Anyway here we go, hope you will like this!

Pairings: Tomura Shigaraki × gn!reader • Miruko × gn!reader

Warnings: there are some swear words here and there lol

Shigaraki doesn't have a lot of friends, and sometimes he doesn't text back for months.

You know he's probably busy with the League though so when a week later he finally answers your text, asking if you wanna go over to play videogames, you always accept.

As I already said in my other headcanon, please bring him snacks bc he forgets to eat. And to clean his room. I just KNOW his room is a mess, and that there are little piles of dust on the floor that used to be things he didn't need anymore, and that he decayed for fun. And left there.

The other members of the league are used to it/too scared to point it out, when you come over and start scolding him they are kinda relieved. Of course, you're the only one that can bully his dumb ass without getting decayed.

He's almost nice to you to be honest. He can't really bully you back without sounding like an offended toddler.

"God, Tomura, your room looks like shit. I bet there are rats living under your bed."

"Who cares, I've already turned on the console, let's play." He shrugs.

"No, you landfill raccoon looking hobo," you say unplugging his game, "We are cleaning up this place."

"Are you ssstupid?" he hisses back. You point at a pile of dust near him. "What did that use to be?"

"...I don't remember."

After the room goes back to looking like a place you can actually live in, you finally let him beat you at whatever game he wants, and try out new ones together. Sometimes you let another member of the league join, as long as they bring more snacks.

To you, Miruko (but you call her Rumi of course) is like an older sister. An energetic, loud, stubborn older sister.

Like, I honestly can't imagine her if not as an extremely loud person, probably when she calls you on the phone you gotta turn the volume down a bit if you don't want everyone in the room to know what she's saying. And to save your eardrums. Anyway, not someone you can play Telephone with.

Also, forget about putting her on speaker around others. She just can't keep herself from swearing, and all the four letter words she managed to keep to herself while on hero duty are going to come out. You don't really mind it, she has such a stressful job after all. She needs to blow off some steam, and that's what friends are for.

"Hi Ru-"

"You have no idea what piece of fucker I had to save today. Shit, those people should be left to drown."

"Girl, you shouldn't say that kind of stuff though..."

"No Y/n, you don't get it. I'm jumping out of a canal with this man over my shoulder. And the fucker tries. To touch. My ass. Stop laughing, I was this close to dropping him back in the water."

Also, she's stubborn af so get ready for long ass discussions on whether she's right or you are over the most disparate topics.

God only knows how many times you were just about to throw hands, but that's also part of your relationship. You value her opinion. She values yours.

So even when you argue, it's never just for the sake of it. Which I think would be kinda toxic, to be honest.

Under her tough exterior of muscles and swear words, your friend is an honest, caring woman. You can trust her to always be true to you, and to be there when you need someone to cheer you up.

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