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#told me that im like going insane
oflgtfol · 1 year
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that thing my SM said is still irking me so badly i guess bc it echoes concerns from my friends and family and even my own insecurities and has roots in what my depression over the past few years has robbed from me and so to hear it now from my fucking michaels store manager of all people it’s like oh fuck off. Completely fuck off
#brot posts#delete soon#this is literally sending me on a downward spiral tonight i was doing so good but now since she to#told me that im like going insane#especially bc its based off something i told to him in a passing (private!) conversation when just us two closed together on wednesday#like you take something i barely mention in passing and then talk about it behind my back in such a back handed insulting way#and hitting me right in the depression-based-insecurity thats been bothering me forever now#its just so. this completely derailed my night lmfao#im glad my manager told me and she said shes texhnically not supposed to since yknow im a normal employee and shes a manager#but she was like. i consider you a friend and so im gonna tell you anyway#and she was saying how like mean spirited it was and how she and the other managers were mad he said that bc they all like me#and like thats i appreciate it but im like#its not even what he said like it wasnt hateful it was just. mean spirited and lowkey insulting#and the fact it is something ive been struggling with now for so long makes it feel like. painfully true#instead of just oh fuck him hes wrong like its hitting me right in the insecurity like i hope to god hes wrong but what if hes right#so i spent my whole last 2 hours just saying to myslef. if hes right. im killing myself for real#and its like why am i getting suicidal over what my fucking michaels store manager said like girl its MICHAELS#but its also like GOD HE GOT ME RIGHT IN THE DEPRESSION#HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS MY WEAK POINT !!!#im just. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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bumblydumbly · 2 months
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
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moonshynecybin · 10 days
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does vale just have like wildly low emotional intelligence to be this delusional about their fallout (he’s ignoring like. large swaths of context for 2015 i think. like it’s crazy that his and marc’s stories are so wildly mismatched not just in terms of content but also in terms of TIMELINE) or are his unique trauma responses to a tough childhood and fame and competing in god’s most awful death sport just insanely damaging. wait just answered my own question. um.
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sheepthatgobaa · 2 months
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Satan shower card edit because WHY IS HE WEARING SHORTSS 🤬🤬‼️‼️‼️
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also plopped some headcanons and better lighting on him :3
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One with less steam on his ass because it started off as a joke but I am NOT a coward:
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ratatatastic · 2 months
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"other guys joke that theyre not allowed to bring you around their wives..." "you gotta have to ask ekky about that one thats on him"
WSFL Inside South Florida | 4.11.24 (x)
he was so serious and focused on answering questions and then immediately gets thrown a curveball at the end that is "hey so some are saying...im not saying who... but some not naming any names... HOWEVER that you are so hot possibly sans shirt... you are not allowed near the wags... how do you respond is this true..."
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throwing his head back to laugh because he got his bonded dpair's quote thrown back in his face while trying to talk about contract extensions and fishing...
"thats on him" the way he cheekily shrugs a shoulder and flicks his head...man whos well aware who started that rumour and will not stand idly by while revisionists rewrite history NO ONE ELSE HAS SAID SUCH A THING. NO ONE ELSE HAS JOKED ABOUT SUCH A THING. AND IF THEY "HAVE" ITS ONLY BECAUSE OF ONE (1) MAN AND ONE MAN ALONE.
and it was in fact "on him" because that quote comes from a miami herald article about forsy FROM FEBRUARY. A 2 WHOLE MONTHS BEFORE THIS INTERVIEW.
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Miami Herald | 2.10.24 (x)
and like all things it always leads back to ekky when it comes to anything forsy-related, the personal menace of the team. and also his bonded soulmate or whatever. may god bless this beautiful little freakish relationship.
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keirientez · 7 months
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band au rahhhhhhhhhhh
#i wanted to draw the other guardians too but this would be a good start#ok so#tsuna starts his band. yamamoto bass and gokudera keys and tsuna suprisingly drummer and also lead vocal. reborn appears out of nowhere-#being “youre not your full potential so i will drain you till youre like a fish in a dehydrator until you become the best out there.”#thats about it#but i just like how drumming singers are like extremely good music people because drumming is already hard. and singing too???#absolutely insane i might say. tsuna would do this (bc reborn told him so)#he does not want to be the best but reborn exists in the paro for a reason#reborn is like maybe a famous musician who faked his death then did whatever he wanted to do while he was “alive”. then he got tsuna as his#apprentice and so so. oh yeah also whiplash (the movie) reference bc holy shit its so good. for me at least. and reborn would make tsuna go#that kind of crazy. like training until drenched in sweat from morning to night or whenever hes available. bc he knows he has potential#he just need someone to push him beyond his expected limit#btw 8059 implied#gokudera joined the band first bc yeah then comes yamamoto for fun as he had to rest from playing baseball a bit too enthusiastic#gokudera hated him so much for like being dumb??? (the goofy ah laugh) but then the two dated even before reborn made a move on tsuna#its very funny but they work it out#i was also thinking if the band ever do solos or do something not as the whole band 8059 will have their own album. itll be great#for genre im not sure?? lets just say alt rock electrojazz????#no idea but maybe ill make a playlist. maybe#sawada tsunayoshi#reborn#yamamoto takeshi#gokudera hayato#8059#r27
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canibeanythingelse · 1 year
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arcane incantation
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skunkes · 6 months
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i may be stupid
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quaranmine · 22 days
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On Wednesday before I gave my presentation I confessed to a new employee that I was worried it would be too long and she brightly told me her life hack was to just let AI rewrite things for her. She said I should put in all my talking points and ask ChatGPT to give me a five minute exactly presentation. I was like....how is the most polite possible way (since this is a new colleague I shouldn't get off on the wrong foot with) that I can express that I will Not be taking this advice. Ever. I told her that I didn't think we were allowed to use ChatGPT at this job (we most certainly are not, it is a nightmare for any type of protected information) and also that I prefer to write all of my own work. Despite my best efforts the last part of that was still passive aggressive, lol.
Something about being a writer makes it so that it's almost offensive to me for someone to suggest I use AI to do my work instead? Like, the day I reach the point where I let AI write something for me is the day y'all need to be checking me for brain damage because clearly I'm losing it
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faunandfloraas · 5 months
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
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#and i feel like im going insane trying ti map out the full extent of the transmisogyny of it all#when i tried to help him with the frustrations he was having with his friend and defended the friend even slightly#he accused me of talking like the friend was my actual boyfriend and told me to go run away with him#when he broke a fuck ton of glass in our bathroom his clean up was even more half assed than usual cause of the state he was in#so even as he apologized to me and called his behaviour abuse and used all the right words#it was still me cleaning up after his abuse literally with a broom and mop#i still freak out at rhe very idea of broken glass and i know that trigger isnt going away anytime soon#and i still didnt leave after that#then him and his friend took so many of my words out of context to essentially accuse me of emotional cheating with people on here#and i cant think about that conversation without thinking about how yall on here have talked about abusers using cheating accusations#and when we finally broke uo he couldnt help but keep giving me permission for things#permission to throw something of his in a lake#permission to let my friends talk shit and be mean#but then when i had something mean to say afterwards and he saw it by checking my blog#he punished me for it by doing everything he could tk scare thr shit out of me#cause even as we were broken uo he hadnt given me permission to talk shit#only to listen to my friends#and even after all that him and his friend still expected that i would share my car and weed for them to use#and i still did with the car cause im either wonderful for dumb as hell#probably both#then after all that his friend cut me off as a friend using the fact that i had asked him why he was refusing to even look at me and if we#were cool to say i was demanding and pushing him and not respecting his boundaries#he used me asking why i was being treated as a pariah to justify treating me as a pariah#after all i had refused to still be a punching bag#i stopped buying him weed#so it was time for me to be disposed of#and even as they disposed of me they still expected me to live in that house for another fucking month with them#i was used and disposed of by two of the people i was closest with#one of whom i would have married eventually if he hadnt pushed it over the edge
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charmac · 9 months
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Bit of a (late) long-ass personal post, but this past year has been insanely monumental for me and a lot of it, if not almost all of it, was centered around this silly comedy show.
Starting the year adopting the most perfect cat in the world purely because he looked like Agent Jack Bauer, I've ended up meeting amazing people and making great friendships, both online and in person, I met Glenn and Charlie and MEE and Meg (and Humphrey) and Danny?? got my first tattoo, bought way too much whiskey, and I've just really, genuinely enjoyed my time posting on Tumblr, making shit, and writing fic more than I have in half a decade. It's stupid, and sappy, and probably pretty parasocial, but I owe so many of my best experiences this past year not only to the show, but to joining this community. Because I wouldn't have experienced much of any of this if I hadn't jumped the casual fan on r/IASIP ship and washed up ashore here. And being here has improved my life and my mental health in ways I can't even begin to properly express.
So here's a photo dump of what I have to dub "A Very Sunny 2023":
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To everyone here, thank you for being a part of my 2023. I'm not sure what 2024 has in store, but I'm happy I'll be here, creating and experiencing whatever it is, through and beyond.
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squeiky · 11 months
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The audacity of existence.
How dare you be concieved. To be blessed with the touch of angels, you golden haired goddess. How dare you force your reflection upon mine. The audacity to mirror me.
YOU.
I hate you. You are my purgatory, and hell resides within your dastardly light. You are the anthesis to my existance, my purpose, my life. Tormet me by image alone.
Do you know how much you have pained me? How much the mere sight of you, has distorted me? Ruined me? Hurt me? Questions your existance has plauged in my mind?
Look at you, my loathsome copy. You are nothing like me.
So then why?
Why does the universe kiss you gently upon a flushed cheek then heckle and spit on mine? Why are you the beloved golden duckling whilst i remain the unwanted black swan?
Why is it me who must rid myself of my body, blood, and mind. Discarding me of myself to end you? I have done nothing short of effort. I have given myself all to destroying you, to riding the world of you. Yet they love you. They do not love me.
We resemble eachother more than anyone else ever will. It is cruel a fate, to be devoted entirely to destroying a twisted reflection of myself. Burdened by both our images, drowning me in hatred made for both us. Yet you remain free, whilsy i remain prisioner.
It feels, as i seek to destroy you, i destroy myself. So i do. Over and over again. Yet you remain unscathed, bright and beautiful. Whilst i remain broken, left to rot in the mud. Helpless. Afraid. Alone.
Thinking.
What must i do? Who must i be to be kissed by the same light that dared to birth you?
Must i purge myself of all things to simply taste a fraction of it? How will i outshine you? Must I transform my body till there is nothing of me left, just to feel your light crushed beneath mine? Must i erase myself completly? Must i become you? Must i be you?  Must i place my hands against your neck? My lifeless material crushing your ugly flesh to finally hear the last of your breath. Must i feel everyones glare peirce through my unending spine, wishing nothing but breaking every metal bone instead of me?
Must i take their love and desire and rip it from their broken hearts, forcing them to kneel before me and drag your dead light upon me? Must i become king of all things, living, dead and unalive, before i get a fraction, a mere TASTE of your life?
Is that what the world desires of me?
Is THAT what it takes?
my loathsome copy. Your existance is what destroys me. You are everything without me but i am nothing without you.  Yet i am made to end you. To destroy the only thing, the only purpose i have in life.
You all look down upon me. Even my creator, cant seem to look at me without seeing you. Forever i am compared to you. Forever i think of only you. Forever i am destroyed by you. Forever i am devoted to destroying you. Forever i am afriad. Forever i am chained, cursed to this wretched body, reflecting you.
YOU.
I hate you. I loathe you.
....
What a cruel existance to be born, you and I.
I hope when i choke you death, you'll burn me alive.
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rosykims · 6 days
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thought abt solas as eurydice again
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b4kuch1n · 6 months
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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introspectivememories · 11 months
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when we were young..... the most shuggy song ever
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