#told me that im like going insane | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oflgtfol · 1 year

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that thing my SM said is still irking me so badly i guess bc it echoes concerns from my friends and family and even my own insecurities and has roots in what my depression over the past few years has robbed from me and so to hear it now from my fucking michaels store manager of all people it’s like oh fuck off. Completely fuck off

#brot posts #delete soon #this is literally sending me on a downward spiral tonight i was doing so good but now since she to #told me that im like going insane #especially bc its based off something i told to him in a passing (private!) conversation when just us two closed together on wednesday #like you take something i barely mention in passing and then talk about it behind my back in such a back handed insulting way #and hitting me right in the depression-based-insecurity thats been bothering me forever now #its just so. this completely derailed my night lmfao #im glad my manager told me and she said shes texhnically not supposed to since yknow im a normal employee and shes a manager #but she was like. i consider you a friend and so im gonna tell you anyway #and she was saying how like mean spirited it was and how she and the other managers were mad he said that bc they all like me #and like thats i appreciate it but im like #its not even what he said like it wasnt hateful it was just. mean spirited and lowkey insulting #and the fact it is something ive been struggling with now for so long makes it feel like. painfully true #instead of just oh fuck him hes wrong like its hitting me right in the insecurity like i hope to god hes wrong but what if hes right #so i spent my whole last 2 hours just saying to myslef. if hes right. im killing myself for real #and its like why am i getting suicidal over what my fucking michaels store manager said like girl its MICHAELS #but its also like GOD HE GOT ME RIGHT IN THE DEPRESSION #HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS MY WEAK POINT !!!#im just. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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bumblydumbly · 2 months

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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably

#feels like it is SO fundamental to understanding laios on a deep level #idk something about not expecting ‘common sense’ from babies #something about how he is so deeply laios. maybe im just projecting #but that comic resonates with me SO hard #the lack of expression (taking her in) and the way he looks up for permission #and by that time his father already knows? that hes looking for permission to leave. he doesnt say it. he just looks.#and then! he runs to his kitty! and whispers like its a secret! hes a big brother now kitty!#and he whispers to the chickens! he’s got a little sister chickens! shes called falin doggies!#to see laios as an adult and to know he cares for his sister is par for the course #to see that he was enamored with her the second he met her and told all of his friends is just. fuck #they tell you many times in the series that these siblings care for each other above ALL ELSE #like knowing that all people die is separate from knowing there is no reality for either of them that doesnt contain their sibling #im going insane over the touden siblings #but i think kabru would go through these same motions and cry idk #dunmeshi #labru #if you squint #kabru of utaya #laios touden #falin touden #dungeon meshi #bumblysdumbly

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moonshynecybin · 10 days

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does vale just have like wildly low emotional intelligence to be this delusional about their fallout (he’s ignoring like. large swaths of context for 2015 i think. like it’s crazy that his and marc’s stories are so wildly mismatched not just in terms of content but also in terms of TIMELINE) or are his unique trauma responses to a tough childhood and fame and competing in god’s most awful death sport just insanely damaging. wait just answered my own question. um.

#guy who is weird about competition and attachment i said oh im sure #but i can’t get over marc saying yeah the ranch visit was the tipping point #and vale identifying. argentina 2015. which he’s NEVER mentioned before ? like EVER ? if i’m not mistaken #ans saying it with the confidence of a well-rehearsed answer like he’s thought about it OODLES…#idk memory is a MONSTER and all of this is colored with nine years of confirmation bias and bitterness and retellings #but what kills me is he kind of got over sepang for a while there so what the hell is going ON in that NOGGIN…#motogp #callie speaks #the uccio told me and my spanish friends heard a rumor made me literally get up and start walking around i felt so insane btw

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sheepthatgobaa · 2 months

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Satan shower card edit because WHY IS HE WEARING SHORTSS 🤬🤬‼️‼️‼️

also plopped some headcanons and better lighting on him :3

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One with less steam on his ass because it started off as a joke but I am NOT a coward:

#omg im going insane becuz i forgot to remove some part of his shorts 😭😭😭#also i am so proud on his ass????#it sounds weird as hell but theres been weirder #anyways like i was able to create ass from SCRATCH????? and rendered it???? clap clap....#i've seen people's post get taken down so TUMBLR.... TUMBLR :3 TUMBLR HI... YEAH SO LIKE....#i need to fucking sleep this shit took me 45 minutes (atleast thats what ibispaint told me)#obey me satan #satan #obey me #... uhm #StOP WHY DID SEVENTEEN BY MARINA START PLAHING RIHHT WHEN I WANTED TO POST THIS 😭😭#is this a sign to make a seventeen satan animatic 🤨#obey me shower card #obey me edit

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ratatatastic · 2 months

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"other guys joke that theyre not allowed to bring you around their wives..." "you gotta have to ask ekky about that one thats on him"

WSFL Inside South Florida | 4.11.24 (x)

he was so serious and focused on answering questions and then immediately gets thrown a curveball at the end that is "hey so some are saying...im not saying who... but some not naming any names... HOWEVER that you are so hot possibly sans shirt... you are not allowed near the wags... how do you respond is this true..."

throwing his head back to laugh because he got his bonded dpair's quote thrown back in his face while trying to talk about contract extensions and fishing...

"thats on him" the way he cheekily shrugs a shoulder and flicks his head...man whos well aware who started that rumour and will not stand idly by while revisionists rewrite history NO ONE ELSE HAS SAID SUCH A THING. NO ONE ELSE HAS JOKED ABOUT SUCH A THING. AND IF THEY "HAVE" ITS ONLY BECAUSE OF ONE (1) MAN AND ONE MAN ALONE.

and it was in fact "on him" because that quote comes from a miami herald article about forsy FROM FEBRUARY. A 2 WHOLE MONTHS BEFORE THIS INTERVIEW.

Miami Herald | 2.10.24 (x)

and like all things it always leads back to ekky when it comes to anything forsy-related, the personal menace of the team. and also his bonded soulmate or whatever. may god bless this beautiful little freakish relationship.

#gustav forsling #aaron ekblad #florida panthers #2324 #they are so insane about each other it will never not leave me aghast #“other guys joke” NO ONE ELSE JOKES ABOUT THAT KIND OF THING BUT EKKY #love forsy going nono. only ekky says things like this. you have to ask the source this question to get the answer you want.#“it is out of my hands. for thirst explanations you must go to the source of the thirsting in the first place. my d partner.”#the d in d partner stands for- (train drives by)#ahem i of course mean to say d is for destined #destined partners #no one has done more propaganda for how hot forsy is but ekky himself #and by god its working hes got me sold #also “so ive been told” WHO. WHO WENT UP TO THIS INTERVIEWER AND SAID THESE THINGS WHO SABATOGED FORSY FROM THE STATE #considering it looks like filming took place after practise/training at the iceplex i would not be surprised if the boys were aware of it #and ekky just goes hey guys check this out- and just saunters over to make niceties and then drop that on her #like hey you should ask him about...#the lore thickens #im sorry this is all so funny #also can i just say forsy in a backwards cap ZOOWEEMAMA AWOAWOO

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keirientez · 7 months

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band au rahhhhhhhhhhh

#i wanted to draw the other guardians too but this would be a good start #ok so #tsuna starts his band. yamamoto bass and gokudera keys and tsuna suprisingly drummer and also lead vocal. reborn appears out of nowhere-#being “youre not your full potential so i will drain you till youre like a fish in a dehydrator until you become the best out there.”#thats about it #but i just like how drumming singers are like extremely good music people because drumming is already hard. and singing too???#absolutely insane i might say. tsuna would do this (bc reborn told him so)#he does not want to be the best but reborn exists in the paro for a reason #reborn is like maybe a famous musician who faked his death then did whatever he wanted to do while he was “alive”. then he got tsuna as his #apprentice and so so. oh yeah also whiplash (the movie) reference bc holy shit its so good. for me at least. and reborn would make tsuna go #that kind of crazy. like training until drenched in sweat from morning to night or whenever hes available. bc he knows he has potential #he just need someone to push him beyond his expected limit #btw 8059 implied #gokudera joined the band first bc yeah then comes yamamoto for fun as he had to rest from playing baseball a bit too enthusiastic #gokudera hated him so much for like being dumb??? (the goofy ah laugh) but then the two dated even before reborn made a move on tsuna #its very funny but they work it out #i was also thinking if the band ever do solos or do something not as the whole band 8059 will have their own album. itll be great #for genre im not sure?? lets just say alt rock electrojazz????#no idea but maybe ill make a playlist. maybe #sawada tsunayoshi #reborn #yamamoto takeshi #gokudera hayato #8059 #r27

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canibeanythingelse · 1 year

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arcane incantation

#GOD. the THINGS i want to do to this mans cervix... FHDSKGFHDKGFGHDS #kaname date more like can i may have my fucking life back asshole god fucking damn #hate his ass. HATE HIS ASS (<- obsessed with him)#aitsf #kaname date #ai the somnium files #my art #this is the first properly painted Thing since like...... was it the ryuki drawing i did ages ago? or like. ig i have a painted comm wip #(that i... need to work on. surprisingly this took way less time than those do! not in a bad way btw i love comms they just take way longer #(for me at least)#also lol 'arcane incantation' is the title of the date residence ost since i got the idea of this from looking at date's house replaying ai #anyways while im here. im going insane over the fucking nursery rhyme-like piano motif in parts of sinkin in the brain #and that being carried over to atrocious insanity 2 but sped up and running through the whole song instead #when those are the two key points where we're hinted/get told about date's identity and like. the major parts where they're the actual Focu #I LOVE MUSIC MOTIIIIFFFSSSSSSS im insane whatever WHAT EVER.#whatever. look at my art Boy.

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skunkes · 6 months

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i may be stupid

#(but im not sure)#a doodley #i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them #im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws #second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects #idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me #since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment #i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are #im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness #im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too #so its not that...! its personality. its laziness #its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts #with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all

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quaranmine · 22 days

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On Wednesday before I gave my presentation I confessed to a new employee that I was worried it would be too long and she brightly told me her life hack was to just let AI rewrite things for her. She said I should put in all my talking points and ask ChatGPT to give me a five minute exactly presentation. I was like....how is the most polite possible way (since this is a new colleague I shouldn't get off on the wrong foot with) that I can express that I will Not be taking this advice. Ever. I told her that I didn't think we were allowed to use ChatGPT at this job (we most certainly are not, it is a nightmare for any type of protected information) and also that I prefer to write all of my own work. Despite my best efforts the last part of that was still passive aggressive, lol.

Something about being a writer makes it so that it's almost offensive to me for someone to suggest I use AI to do my work instead? Like, the day I reach the point where I let AI write something for me is the day y'all need to be checking me for brain damage because clearly I'm losing it

#i also told her i was capable of making a 5 minute presentation but that i had too much information to cover to explain the project in 5 min #and she was like oh that makes sense!!#but like im sorry 😭am i the insane one or like....#idk to me suggesting I use AI isn't a helpful suggestion it reads as someone telling me i don't know how to do my job #does that make sense?#i don't consider it a lifehack or working smarter instead of harder. it seems like you're suggesting i am incapable of writing well myself #i know a lot of people right now thing AI is the best thing ever #to me it's a blatant omission that you can't do your own work or think for yourself #this is also even crazier of a suggestion to me because that morning i had TWO managers on call debating wording of a sentence #like we were reveiwing this presentation tightly so that we said exactly what we wanted to and met the standards of our administration #chatgpt is not going to understand the nuances of what we can/cannot say or official/approved wording lol #i think we use ai tools in the sense of like...photoshop generative fill or ai stuff in scientific research/arcgis #but i'm like 99% sure we were banned from using chatgpt over privacy concerns of putting controlled information into it #anyway. idk. i know not everyone writes as well as i do.#but i'd rather read bad writing that came from a person than something that was generated for you tbh #and i will help review my colleagues' writing any day

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faunandfloraas · 5 months

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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.

#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too #like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks #the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently #there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again #instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day #even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever #and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle #bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about #so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk #idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through #and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff #for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3 #anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶

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marxism-transgenderism · 2 months

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..

#and i feel like im going insane trying ti map out the full extent of the transmisogyny of it all #when i tried to help him with the frustrations he was having with his friend and defended the friend even slightly #he accused me of talking like the friend was my actual boyfriend and told me to go run away with him #when he broke a fuck ton of glass in our bathroom his clean up was even more half assed than usual cause of the state he was in #so even as he apologized to me and called his behaviour abuse and used all the right words #it was still me cleaning up after his abuse literally with a broom and mop #i still freak out at rhe very idea of broken glass and i know that trigger isnt going away anytime soon #and i still didnt leave after that #then him and his friend took so many of my words out of context to essentially accuse me of emotional cheating with people on here #and i cant think about that conversation without thinking about how yall on here have talked about abusers using cheating accusations #and when we finally broke uo he couldnt help but keep giving me permission for things #permission to throw something of his in a lake #permission to let my friends talk shit and be mean #but then when i had something mean to say afterwards and he saw it by checking my blog #he punished me for it by doing everything he could tk scare thr shit out of me #cause even as we were broken uo he hadnt given me permission to talk shit #only to listen to my friends #and even after all that him and his friend still expected that i would share my car and weed for them to use #and i still did with the car cause im either wonderful for dumb as hell #probably both #then after all that his friend cut me off as a friend using the fact that i had asked him why he was refusing to even look at me and if we #were cool to say i was demanding and pushing him and not respecting his boundaries #he used me asking why i was being treated as a pariah to justify treating me as a pariah #after all i had refused to still be a punching bag #i stopped buying him weed #so it was time for me to be disposed of #and even as they disposed of me they still expected me to live in that house for another fucking month with them #i was used and disposed of by two of the people i was closest with #one of whom i would have married eventually if he hadnt pushed it over the edge

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charmac · 9 months

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Bit of a (late) long-ass personal post, but this past year has been insanely monumental for me and a lot of it, if not almost all of it, was centered around this silly comedy show.

Starting the year adopting the most perfect cat in the world purely because he looked like Agent Jack Bauer, I've ended up meeting amazing people and making great friendships, both online and in person, I met Glenn and Charlie and MEE and Meg (and Humphrey) and Danny?? got my first tattoo, bought way too much whiskey, and I've just really, genuinely enjoyed my time posting on Tumblr, making shit, and writing fic more than I have in half a decade. It's stupid, and sappy, and probably pretty parasocial, but I owe so many of my best experiences this past year not only to the show, but to joining this community. Because I wouldn't have experienced much of any of this if I hadn't jumped the casual fan on r/IASIP ship and washed up ashore here. And being here has improved my life and my mental health in ways I can't even begin to properly express.

So here's a photo dump of what I have to dub "A Very Sunny 2023":

To everyone here, thank you for being a part of my 2023. I'm not sure what 2024 has in store, but I'm happy I'll be here, creating and experiencing whatever it is, through and beyond.

#personal #sunny 2023 #sunnyblr #sorry to be really annoying but yk #this is my blog and i like to use it to document things #and this is the best format for this kinda thing :) so excuse me #this has been a crazy year when i look at it all #i had a shortlist of photos for this post and it ended up 72 photos #lmfao like damn.. gotta be selective STILL #the expansion of my sunny wall is like poetic you see #again im sorry i think thisi s probably peak absolute insanity to most ppl who follow me #but so much shit happened i wouldnt have dreamed of #like crazy insane wow i still cant believe this was all real #glenn flipping me off remains my favourite thing to have captured #i love that stupid video it makes me go crazyyyy #but yes obviously top moment goes to charlie calling me out in the audience about the tattoo. then finding out he told mee about it #again thank you. like. i straight up owe all of this to sunnyblr existing #if it didnt i would just. not have been this deep and able to meet people and experience all of this

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squeiky · 11 months

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The audacity of existence.

How dare you be concieved. To be blessed with the touch of angels, you golden haired goddess. How dare you force your reflection upon mine. The audacity to mirror me.

YOU.

I hate you. You are my purgatory, and hell resides within your dastardly light. You are the anthesis to my existance, my purpose, my life. Tormet me by image alone.

Do you know how much you have pained me? How much the mere sight of you, has distorted me? Ruined me? Hurt me? Questions your existance has plauged in my mind?

Look at you, my loathsome copy. You are nothing like me.

So then why?

Why does the universe kiss you gently upon a flushed cheek then heckle and spit on mine? Why are you the beloved golden duckling whilst i remain the unwanted black swan?

Why is it me who must rid myself of my body, blood, and mind. Discarding me of myself to end you? I have done nothing short of effort. I have given myself all to destroying you, to riding the world of you. Yet they love you. They do not love me.

We resemble eachother more than anyone else ever will. It is cruel a fate, to be devoted entirely to destroying a twisted reflection of myself. Burdened by both our images, drowning me in hatred made for both us. Yet you remain free, whilsy i remain prisioner.

It feels, as i seek to destroy you, i destroy myself. So i do. Over and over again. Yet you remain unscathed, bright and beautiful. Whilst i remain broken, left to rot in the mud. Helpless. Afraid. Alone.

Thinking.

What must i do? Who must i be to be kissed by the same light that dared to birth you?

Must i purge myself of all things to simply taste a fraction of it? How will i outshine you? Must I transform my body till there is nothing of me left, just to feel your light crushed beneath mine? Must i erase myself completly? Must i become you? Must i be you? Must i place my hands against your neck? My lifeless material crushing your ugly flesh to finally hear the last of your breath. Must i feel everyones glare peirce through my unending spine, wishing nothing but breaking every metal bone instead of me?

Must i take their love and desire and rip it from their broken hearts, forcing them to kneel before me and drag your dead light upon me? Must i become king of all things, living, dead and unalive, before i get a fraction, a mere TASTE of your life?

Is that what the world desires of me?

Is THAT what it takes?

my loathsome copy. Your existance is what destroys me. You are everything without me but i am nothing without you. Yet i am made to end you. To destroy the only thing, the only purpose i have in life.

You all look down upon me. Even my creator, cant seem to look at me without seeing you. Forever i am compared to you. Forever i think of only you. Forever i am destroyed by you. Forever i am devoted to destroying you. Forever i am afriad. Forever i am chained, cursed to this wretched body, reflecting you.

YOU.

I hate you. I loathe you.

....

What a cruel existance to be born, you and I.

I hope when i choke you death, you'll burn me alive.

#metal sonic #sonic the hedgehog #a mixture of venting #its a vent that works i guess #wrote this in a state of what i can only describe as mania #a mix of my own obession mixed with its #i do not know if i love him or if i want to be him or if i want to kill him.#i do not know what love is #i only know what hatred is #but have experinced kindness #i do not want it but i am told i must have it #i want to die and i want to drag them all down with me #i want to live and i want to kill everyone around me #i relate to this character- metal sonic. or atleast whateber iteration i have concoted from him.#i think i am just as obessed with him as it with sonic.#desire is a fickle thing y'know?#metal sonic is full of desires. i am willing to extract all of it. its the only way i can express myself. through fictiomal characters #its like i am nothing without it. much how it is nothing without sonic #who am i even i dont know anymore #i think im going insane #no no... i have been for a long time. im only just started to realize it now.#dont worry about me. this is a vent. not even a character analysis. take it as you will.

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rosykims · 6 days

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thought abt solas as eurydice again

#goodbye im off to rewatch a 2 hour subbed and multi angled greek slime tutorial real quick #i think tghe worst fucking part of the whole thing is the leitmotif parallel. i literally feel like i have scarlet rot each time i think ab #orpheus and eurydice having the 'la lalala la' thing. solas and the inquisitor having the hallelujah cadence. that is insane. that is insan #''its a sad song / its a tragedy / but we're gonna sing it anyway'' thinking abt those lyric and solavellan to die instantly btw.#like im so desensitized to their romance after so long but truly if i went into this game completely blind again and you told me #that there was an RO who would never sleep with you but would instead harmonize with you to the melody of an old leonard cohen song #i cant even FINISH this joke bc the thought makes me too crazy. even 7 years later it really does inspire shrimp emotions within me #solas nation go watch hadestown if you havent already. you will regret it but do it anyway #''it's a sad song / but we sing it anyway / cause here's the thing / to know how it ends / and still begin to sing it again #as if it might turn out this time'' BYE

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b4kuch1n · 6 months

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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

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introspectivememories · 11 months

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when we were young..... the most shuggy song ever

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