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#its not even what he said like it wasnt hateful it was just. mean spirited and lowkey insulting
oflgtfol · 1 year
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that thing my SM said is still irking me so badly i guess bc it echoes concerns from my friends and family and even my own insecurities and has roots in what my depression over the past few years has robbed from me and so to hear it now from my fucking michaels store manager of all people it’s like oh fuck off. Completely fuck off
#brot posts#delete soon#this is literally sending me on a downward spiral tonight i was doing so good but now since she to#told me that im like going insane#especially bc its based off something i told to him in a passing (private!) conversation when just us two closed together on wednesday#like you take something i barely mention in passing and then talk about it behind my back in such a back handed insulting way#and hitting me right in the depression-based-insecurity thats been bothering me forever now#its just so. this completely derailed my night lmfao#im glad my manager told me and she said shes texhnically not supposed to since yknow im a normal employee and shes a manager#but she was like. i consider you a friend and so im gonna tell you anyway#and she was saying how like mean spirited it was and how she and the other managers were mad he said that bc they all like me#and like thats i appreciate it but im like#its not even what he said like it wasnt hateful it was just. mean spirited and lowkey insulting#and the fact it is something ive been struggling with now for so long makes it feel like. painfully true#instead of just oh fuck him hes wrong like its hitting me right in the insecurity like i hope to god hes wrong but what if hes right#so i spent my whole last 2 hours just saying to myslef. if hes right. im killing myself for real#and its like why am i getting suicidal over what my fucking michaels store manager said like girl its MICHAELS#but its also like GOD HE GOT ME RIGHT IN THE DEPRESSION#HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT WAS MY WEAK POINT !!!#im just. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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im-yn-suckers · 1 year
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ponyo
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i hate that the pictures dont match color-wise, but fuck it
pairing-bf niki x gf reader
warnings-kissing, cuddling, reader is a little whiny and pouty. eating, kinda sleeping, not proofread, lmk what i missed as usual
"but i wanna watch ponyo!" "so? i wanna watch spirited away!"
you wanted to watch ponyo because you wanted to see how they made the ramen. and also because it was a cute movie. niki wanted to watch spirited away. who knows why, he just wanted to.
truth is, he didnt care what movie you watched, as long as it was Studio Ghibli. he just wanted to see you all whiny and pouty. he thought it was cute. no, he thought you were cute when you were angry.
"fine! how about we do rock paper scissors and whoever wins, chooses?" "fine, but the loser doesn't whine.'' ''ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!"
your fist was in rock formation, his was in paper. "WHAT?!" he just stood there laughing as a pout came across your face.
"not fair, i wanted to see how they made the ramen so we could make it" good excuse, y/n. "fine, we can do another round." he said in fake annoyance.
''ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!'' tie. "ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!" you both pulled paper in the previous round. niki knew you were most likely to pull scissors next. so what did he do? he pulled out paper. (T-T)
''YAYY!" he partially wanted to see you try to replicate the ramen in ponyo. he also didnt like seeing you sad, even if you were being dramatic.
he watched in awe, and when i saw 'in awe' i mean in awe, as you pulled up the movie and ran to get snacks.
he sat down and grabbed a blanket big enough for the both of you. you came back with some chips and a soft drink.
you sat down next to him, opening the bag of chips. niki put his arm around your shoulder, pulled your head near his face, and pecked you scalp. he opened the can of your shared drink and took a sip.
"I-D-I-O-T! B-U-G O-F-F!" "L-I-S-A, I L-O-V-E Y-O-U" " I-D-I-O-T! I-D-I-O-T! I-D-I-O-T! I-D-I-O-T! I-D-I-O-T! I-D-I-O-T! I-D-I-O-T! B-U-G O-F-F! B-U-G O-F-F! B-U-G O-F-F! B-U-G O-F-F" (yes, i did that. Lisa is an ICONIC character in ponyo. fight me)
"why doesnt Lisa understand that Koichi is working and he just cant come home. like yeah, he said he was going to be there but hes your husband. he works at sea! give him a break!" while you complain about Lisa getting mad at Koichi for not being home, niki takes another sip of your drink and licks his lips.
"she's just salty that her husband isn't home all the time" niki smiles and responds to your whines can complaints. "see, baby? be happy that im not salty about you doing whatever." "we're always together!" and it's true. you guys are always together. "i dont care." "whatever. i still think Lisa just wants Koichi to be with her 24/7"
the movie went on and it came to the ramen part. (istg, if yall dont know what im talking about)
"baby!!!! can we make the ramen once the movie's done?? please??" "do we have everything?" "i dont know. i dont think we have green onion" "once the movie's over, we can walk to the store and buy it, if you want" "yesyyesyesyesyes!!!"
the movie ended and you both got up to leave. you walked in, greeted the cashier and headed to get onion. "baby, do we have ham?" "um, i dont know. i'll ask the guys." "no, its okay, we'll just buy some"
you finished shopping and walked home. it wasnt that far of a walk but your legs hurt.
after getting home and making the ramen, you put on spirited away. niki smiled at your action and pressed a kiss to your forehead. you placed the bowls on the coffee table in the living room almost right away and sat next to niki on the floor. he looked at you and hugged you.
the little moments like these made you realize that, niki is your happiness. the coffe table was far away enough for you to climb into his lap, at least until the food was ready.
"are you tired baby?" niki chuckled at you dozing off on his shoulder. "a little, but im really hungry"
"well, the foods ready so we can eat and then we can go to sleep." you got.off of him slowly and ate your food. after, you and niki went to ash up and go to sleep. after all that, you layed down with your back facing niki, only to be pulled into his embrace with his annoyingly strong arms.
he nuzzled his nose into ypur hair and slowly fell asleep.
the end
yalllllll, im back. ive been gone for so long 😭 but i might not be so active tmw bc i need bloodwork done 😓 the doctors didnt ecen tell me why tho. soooooo, whats new?
(i have writers block gimme ideas)
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Hello!!! sorry i jum in here but i saw many post of your as a polin pen hater. You can hate what you want of course but its necessary to lie just to hate a character because of her body??? it wasnt that bad, she was not mean.
yes, what she did telling the ton marinas secret was not the best choise but it was what she thought it was the only way. Do you all wish for colin a marriage with not love?? and in a more practical way this is fiction and we all now he was going t end with pen , they are end game and thi is romance, its suppouse to be romantic that theu found each other, and for me it is. She didnt told marina secret because she wants colin for herself , she never thought she cold have him. maybe yo dont understand this but we, fat girls who are foung unattractive NEVER expect love or having a man, even less somone like colin. I think you, as many sadly, jugdge Pen actions too strong and deep down its all becuase of how she looks. Depp down i know you judge her action strongly becuase you can't accept that a woman who looks like that get something. I know you will keep hating, just want to say my opinion
(2) I saw you ask once why we ( pen fans) are mad when people hate her like you do if we got everything, saying like she happy and get married and LW. i will answer that from my perspective. Im fat, people is mean and that herats and yes, maybe it not a good things but it nice to have a revenge for all that suffering , but beside that i feel represented FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME in a romance show, ALL THE ROMANCE FEMALE LEADS AND THIN WOMAN and for the first times she looks like me but everyone is hating her becuase of how she looks and the worst is anyone accept its becuase of that, you all write long essays jugdging her actions but as i said, Were her actions that bad???? think about it fr......
Others please also refer to this post for more context.
I did not intend to answer this ask, because honestly, I'm really very lazy. Since there are only so many ways I can make my argument against the same accusation over and over again, especially to someone who clearly doesn't want to listen, I figured ignoring was the right decision. I'd rather spend my creative energy and efforts on my own writings, instead of figuring out another elaborate wording on how being critical of a character's actions does not equate fatphobia, and that personal adversity does not equal a 'get out of jail' free card for repeatedly inflicting pain on other people on a mass scale. I've talked about it in depth in my own blog, as well as reblogging other eloquent, well thought-out posts from others, Polin fans and anti-Polin fans alike. You can just scroll through my blog to see that. But I don't think you have come after me, time and again, to be convinced.
Even now, I still think ignoring you would have been the smarter, or at least, easier course of action for me. But I digress. Maybe it's one of those days where I feel more confrontational, maybe my ADHD is acting up and my meds are not hitting as well today, maybe after weeks of stress-filled personal achievements I'm feeling talkative seeing someone trying to disturb my peace. Nontheless, since you've made diligent efforts in seeking out my response, today's your lucky day, once and for all.
Something my mutuals and followers might have learned about me, is that I, being pretty fucking lazy, don't post/write a lot. To remedy this, when I do post, oftentimes I try to be as thorough as I possibly can. So, in the spirit of being thorough, here's a little log of the things I have received in the past weeks, on this site as well as on AO3, some of which, @cherryblossom970sblog, I have reasons to believe came from you
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So you feel represented by character. Awesome. Good for you. You should celebrate it with like-minded people. You think nobody likes Penelope the way you do? Find the ones who do. I can assure you, they exist. I saw them daily on my dash. Read fics that bring you joy. Don't read the ones that don't. I have seen way too many Penelope/Anthony, Penelope/Benedict or even Penelope/Gregory fics, or fics where Penelope just straight up abused Colin that are celebrated in the comments. I don't like those and you know what I do? Scroll past those fics or click out of those and not read them. You know what I don't do? Go after the writers, try to police their writing, and accuse them of bigotry for not catering to my preferences.
Accept the fact that it's not going to be a 100% percent approval rating. And that's fine. That's part of life. I'm a primary Benophie fan, I've seen people wanting Benedict to end up with different people. It's their prerogative, I leave them alone. I have mutuals who have different takes on actions of Kate, Edwina, and Anthony, with varying degrees of feelings regarding how season 2 ends, and I have my own opinions. Personally, I find all three parties were wrong in that triangle, especially Anthony, and the sisterhood between Kate and Edwina in that season ought to have been handled with more respect and care. And my mutuals and I have civil, nuanced discussions about such things and ending those with still different opinions. That's okay. They're fictional characters and their actions are up to character analysis. It's fine.
What ISN'T fine is obssessively stalking inboxes of strangers, REAL people, unleashing insane level of hate and prejudices in defence of a FICTIONAL character, and accusing them of crimes they OBJECTIVELY did not commit, all because they don't share your opinions. I know you don't think this kind of behaviour is okay, you said so yourself that it's not a good thing. You've experienced fatphobia, you have my sympathies for that, but it doesn't give you the right to be shitty to other people. Your own bad experiences do not entitle you to disrespect, dismiss, invalidate and insult the people you harassed, including me, many of which are WoCs who have valid concerns regarding how their own experiences are represented and treated on the show. My struggles of being a bisexual, Asian, immigrant woman does not excuse me from being toxic to people who have done me no harm. I will not be vindicated in demeaning someone who have criticisms against the actions of fictional character who share my traits, criticisms that I just happen to disagree with.
And frankly, I find reducing the nuances of a character or person to only their bodies, to contribute (as either condemn or excuse) their actions to be only the result of their bodies, fucking insulting. It's infantalising and dehumanising.
Have a nice day and happy shipping. Leave us alone.
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eddie-rifff · 3 months
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ive pretty much had all of my wildest dreams come true as an autistic music fan and im still miserable. how ungrateful and stupid can one person be. (very)
really really feeling like im just never gonna be happy for more than a few months at a time. my brain fucking hates me. my parents should have never ever had kids with the history of mental illness on both sides and yet they had four, 3 of which suffer pretty significantly with mental illness. severe ocd in one, moderate ocd in the other two, crippling anxiety in all three, mild in the one that somehow made it out ok.
im not suicidal, im just very upset that this is how it is. i want things to be better. i want things to be different. but im afraid they just never will be.
and i want chris squire back. he was so endlessly kind to me. he made me feel like i was appreciated in the way i felt mattered, as a fan. i loved him so deeply and i still do and he saw that and basically said "i see you, thank you" in every interaction we had. the hugs. the kisses on the cheek and the back of the hand. looking out for me and making sure i was safe when he thought i was by myself. he was the only person that really, truly, mattered to me when all was said and done (he still is) and i couldnt have had a better relationship with him (when i say relationship i want to make it clear that i mean it in the way you have a relationship with every single person you meet, not that we were like. best buddies.)
and yet, somehow, i am still unhappy. its kind of impressive.
ive met rick wakeman, jon anderson, tony kaye, alan white, steve howe, bill bruford. i get into yes concerts for free. ive met carl palmer and steve hackett. i saw UK, twice, with john wetton, eddie jobson, and terry bozzio. i know what chris squire's beard feels like against my cheek. i have been so unbelievably blessed as a fan, again, the thing i feel most passionate about in my life, my Thing. what more could i possibly want? if none of that makes me happy, then what possibly will?
ok, take all that away. even without ANY of that, i have enough that would make 90% of other people happy as clams. my family loves me (i think). i live in a great house rent free. i have no bills. i have the most patient, gracious best friend in the world.
i oscillate between it being my fault for not being happy (ungrateful dumbass) and the fault of my genetics, and neither of those things are good enough excuses for me. and, most importantly, neither of those things will ever change. i mean, maybe i can learn to be less of an ungrateful dumbass, but i dont see how thats possible when, like ive said, i already have everything i want, and im still this way.
this feeling of hopelessness is soul crushing. i feel like whatever spirit i had has been stamped out, and every single time it lights up again it gets snuffed again and again and again and again and it will until i die. ill never be free. ill never be happy with what i have. i feel like i was just a mistake, i should have never happened. someone with this kind of brain chemistry, contributing this little, with this few redeeming qualities just shouldnt have happened.
but i am here. and i guess im going to feel endlessly sorry for myself because i dont know how to feel any other way.
i just wish it wasnt this way.
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ive been watching him for my entire life. i hate the air he breathes his foolish decrees his words so contrived, and i hate the way the townspeople gather outside. they hang on every breath, cling to his chest, home to his heart full of pride,
the oracle told him beware the ides, and i’d be lying if i said i wasnt wishing for untimely death or demise, or am i just wishing i could be like you? that the people would see me too as a poet, and not just the muse.
well its not true. i dont wish harm upon you. from birth weve been like brothers of different mothers within the spirit of the same womb, may the gods strike me down if i forsake you. frater meus you're beautifully made, and to you im forever grateful.
ill never forget that you showed me to make art, and i know the love you showed me came, from a pure and noble heart. i love you, and if you want, ill call you king, but why do i lie awake each night thinking,
instead of you, it should be me?
something wicked this way comes and as I set to face it, im unsure should i embrace it should I run? what motivates me, hatred, is it love? whats more wrong, that i too wish to be great, or my mother wished shed had a son?
and even if i cant be the one, maybe i could at least help make way for him until the day that he comes,
maybe my name could also be known, that i helped return good to the people, and restored greatness to rome.
my name is brutus and my name means heavy, so with a heavy heart ill guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy, my whole life you were a teacher and friend to me, please know my actions are not motivated only by envy
i too have a destiny. this death will be art,
the people will speak of this day from near and afar, this event will be history, and ill be great too
i dont want what you had. i wanna be you
i always knew i could be the one, though i feel the endless pain of being and i am scorched by the sun of humble origins and born of the cursed sex,
my name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex.
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1tsjusty0u · 5 months
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HM you know what. any tropes YOU like/dislike in zelda games...?
OUGH HM..!!
so. ffull disclaimer here ichave. not played many zelda games. ive Started some (alttp got to the first dark world dungeon, oot got to the forest temple, majoras mask got to ikana canyon/stone tower, ww got to getting triforce pieces, albw got to the first lorule dungeon, twilight princess i. barely got through due to wanting to finish a game . i got to wolf and midna moment or the second ish act?, and i started triforce heroes.) but ive only finished. 2 games (botw and the minish cap). so my information may be limited here
starting with ones i dislike!
1. crystallizing zelda/keeping her damseled. when shes not in a “disguise” alla tetra and sheik she will be Immediately cast off to the side or trapped. like. i know the usual point of the games is to save zelda (except when. it isnt in the first half of the game) but please let her Do Something…!!! i love sheik and tetra theyre great, its just. as soon as they transform into zelda suddenly their characters and roles are discarded- sheik frame perfectly gets captured by ganondorf when theyre in their princess. state? tetra is a bit better but she and zelda really arent the same person- fuzz punch arcade put it better than i could saying “tetra is a pirate captain, the epitome of free-spirited career nut. zelda, is demure, takes the blame for things she cant control, and drops everything for link and the king.” this is probably a larger issue but. i dunno having zelda be . less of a concept would be nice? or like in games like botw, itd be nice if she wasnt a cutscene character but rather an npc who you can directly talk to. they almost did this in totk. with botw i understand it doesnt really work with the story, only working for post game . if. if there was one. but yeah. also this doesnt mean everyone has to like her or even put her in like. fanworks if they dont want to. some zelda games dont even have zelda in them like majoras mask its just if youre Going to do her please do her better
2. the monsters being Directly tied to ganon. like in oot its fine, great even, because those are boss monsters in specific circumstances (and also have the general theme of being parasites in the first half, the second half they just guard the sages). im talking about Every monster being tied to ganon in some way (like botw or totk). it makes him less of a guy who does things and more not a guy but the devil incarnate whos so so So evil trust me guys look hes even the source of monsters. how. hes That Evil. this is taking some liberties as monsters may have existed before ganon or at least the calamity in botw they were just docile, and in totk the shrines took care of the monsters but where they came from is up to debate, with the memory of ganon getting the stone i believe showing the. creation????? respawning of monsters it really does feel like they Come From Him though.
3. villages having one race exclusively. ive said this before but id like there to be villages where hylians and zora and gorons and rito and sheikah and gerudo live Together would be nice. especially in botw theres. ruins of settlements near places like rito village that have hylian esque designs. so rito and hylians could have lived in the same village. they technically do this in minish cap? the humans cant. See Them though except for kids
4. love interests in general or characters exclusively made to be love interests. whether its zelda or not im just not a fan though its more a personal thing.
5. i dont hate this more dislike it but bosses having one really easy tell. its just either not fun but you know what you need to go for or its fun but you know what you need to go for. i kind of wish they were done like lynels in botw- theyre Hard if you dont know what youre doing, but you Can after enough practice. also the great plateau lynel is great you cant do what you normally do with it you have to get headshots to stun it then go on its back to not take damage. figuring that out is not complex but shows you Know the game. i do understand bosses mimicking lynels in how they test the player is very hard to do especially how they can Keep testing the player
6. hyrule always being the best/greatest or just being. The Main Place or the main narrative being to defend hyrule. half of this is from the imperialism but half of the time im just tired of hyrule as a thing honestly. i dont serve any country not mine nor hyrule i simply game. i also dont know how prevalent this is in most games either so i may be biased here
i do wish i could think of. more lighthearted?? tropes for the above like neutral things like sages frequently appearing or certain items popping up but usually i dont care unless its done badly. totk is like that but the whole game is like that too so its an outlier to me, otherwise its just There.
onto things i like!
1. LENS OF TRUTH LENS OF TRUTH LENS OF TRUTH. i think its so neat :]
2. mail the concept of mail mailboxes and the no longer working tingle mail bottle feature in the ww
3. SONGS. MUSIC. the ocarina songs and them opening up places + certain songs being important generally like the ballad of the windfish
4. milk bars. im adding one to pre cal botw but i just like them !! especially the little songs that can play in there in albw
5. kakariko having graves for some reason. i do like graves in general but kakariko Specifically being the one to have them is interesting
6. dark worlds or other worlds. i especially like lorule!! termina is very cool too
id probably put more but i am. getting distracted by outside things. so for now that is it.
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Ive had so many fun dreams lately but for some reason i’m coming to write about the scary ones
Um been having nightmares. Last night and today. And they feel really heavy, but important. And frankly i do hate them. Please no more nightmares. But maybe if i write about them i’ll prove to spirit that im listening and then they’ll stop 
First Dream: 
Last night i had a dream where the fam of 5 was traveling, driving road trip vibes probably to florida. We were all together packing the car and idk how but all of a sudden erikka was missing. And we knew immediately there was foul play. We were in a sketchy area ad there were cars going in and out and we were afraid she was kidknapped for trafficking. It was so anxiety inducing, and i tried to keep praying and have a positive attitude that she was strong, she would find a way out, she would show make it home. I kept hoping she would show up any minute. But as hours past i kept getting more worried that i’d never see her again, that something terrible happened. And i was crying and and already grieving. In this dreamverse apparently something similar had happened to dalvin a while back. And erikka used some sort of manifestation power to bring him home safely. So i felt like absolutely garbage that i couldnt do the same for her, i was beating myself up. I kept saying “im supposed to be good at this, i feel useless” 
Next Dream: 
This one was so so very odd. Basically we were at chip and it was the anniversary of this well known historical environmental event. And it happened near the west end fairgrounds or something. So there was a lot of hype and press in our area during this.... 100th anniversary or something like that. I don’t really remember, but there were 10 guys all brothers and they won a contest? or something? from someone in....ohio or some random state. Back in the early 1900s. Anyway, an almost catastrophic event was witnessed by a bunch of people. A huge asteroid hurdled towards earth and grazed the side of it (near west end fairgrounds) and chipped a piece of land. It was marvelous that only a few inches kept it from hitting earth directly and splitting the earth in half. Or doing dinosaur level damage or something else crazy. It couldve killed a ton of people or been an end to humanity. So whatever....a hundred years later or so, they were able to do a super techy demonstration and show what almost happened and what didnt happen through like a hologram projector and the whole town watched and it was really snowy outside and i wasnt wearing pants. It was just trippy to think about how something like that could happen at any moment and kill us. For some reason i made the comment “it always scared me that the fact that an asteroid hasnt hit earth with humans on it is completely by chance and hasnt happened yet which means odds are it WILL happen soon. But i always forget about THIS historic moment, which makes me feel safer in that something technically DID happen” 
Final Dream: 
Okay so again, at chip present day. And i wake up with a bunch of messages from people from high school saying to call....our class prez. Which was so odd, ive never had a personal relationship with him. But everyone was blowing up all socials and talking about something crazy that happened. His twin sister reached out to me and said to call him. Like PV social media was going bonkers!! So i was busy all day, it was always ET’s birthday maybe for a date reference? And the more i ignored it, the more people hit my line. Even claire, messaged me by the end of the day saying “call class prez he’s really not doing well” and i was like WOAH. Cause that means people wanted me to call him so bad that they had reached out to my friends who didnt even go to pv to get my attention. I told erikka “idk why they want me, is it because im good at saying calming words” and she said idk it seemed more specific like he wants to “apologize.” SO then im like what?? By time i call him its 1:03am. But he answered and apparently. A couple of kids from our grad class passed away and class prez was really emotional about it. I remember one being Austin H. And he was so sad and unstable that he made a comment online saying something along the lines of “this is worse than gilaine maxwell creating slave camps for black people” ???? Bro i have no idea. 
So class prez gets ALOT of flack for this comment. I mean its career ruining, he’s getting death threats. So maybe he wanted individual calls from black peers to hear their genuine opinion? So we’re on the phone and he’s profusely apologizing, saying what he said was unacceptable. He said “im sure youve heard my ghislane maxwell comment” i said no...havent got the chance. So he plays me a historic video about supposedly the “actual history” of these slave camps he was referencing. The video had this eerie 1900s black racist cartoon vibe that makes my blood curl. It was about these talented black people being condemmed and found guilty for things they didnt do. The evidence was so blatantly there and still everyone convicted them and sent them to be tortured and die at these camps. It was EXTREMELY unsetteling to watch and to be watching with class prez. Also in the dream, it felt inescabable and scary and for a little it felt like i was there. Like it was playing in my chip bedroom but i went top bunk and i could feel the sticks they were beating the black people with. It felt soooooo evil and sinister, and seriously idk what ancestors are communicating with me via dreams or what they want because this was DARK. So then class prez is asking for my take, and why it matters, and why its bad. And im saying he obvious stuff. The videos message was basically like “it didnt matter if black people were educated, doctors, laywers, scientists, hey were gonna slaughter and torture us anyway” so i didnt know if the vibe was like “be greatful that black people are allowed to have careers?? or get vengeance on white people....it was just so intense. 
So when the video was over and i got off the call, i was so uncomfortable and unsettled. Felt like i had waken up from a nightmare or finished a scary movie. So i desperately tried to turn all the lights back on but ofc it was a dream so everything was dim. Still didnt catch it though. I tried finding my parents for comfort. 
Awful right? No more nightmares 
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reidsnose · 3 years
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love letters
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overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom
genre: fluff fluff fluff
a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)
masterlist
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the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.
it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.
"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.
you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.
"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.
"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.
"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.
"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.
"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.
before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.
and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.
you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.
of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.
you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.
spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.
and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.
he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.
"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.
he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.
"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.
"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.
you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.
"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.
he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.
he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.
a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.
he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.
unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.
he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.
you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.
"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.
"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.
"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.
you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!
"ill help you look" you decided.
"please do," he chuckled.
"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.
"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"
his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.
you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.
you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.
is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.
you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"
with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.
dear y/n,
today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that
dear y/n,
im in love with you. too forward
dear y/n,
you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep
you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.
"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.
"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.
"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"
"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.
"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.
"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."
"youre not mad?"
"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"
"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.
"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.
he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."
you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.
-
-
ultra mega super cool taglist
@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru
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bloodycassian · 3 years
Text
Azriel x Reader - Trying. 
TW- DEPRESSION//sadness - Thank you anon for this request. I have struggled with Dysthymia for almost my whole life. It felt good to write this little piece of representation. 
Nothing but a ghost. Like the two wraiths that waited to serve you at your command. The wraiths that had nothing to do. Granted, they had tried pushing food on you, or books or paints or whatever other form of entertainment or sustenance but you ignored them. Knowing that if you had put up the fight to say anything you may lose your control completely and break down. You could let the time pass, numbly without a care. It was better than having to deal with the reality of not being alive at all.
  Rhysand had set you up in a beautiful room in the house of wind after the village attack. You could see the entire city below and the ocean beyond. It did nothing for you. If he was hoping for some kind of gratitude he didn't show it. He simply explained the house would provide if needed and that he would check in weekly. You were surprised he wasnt asking for more - that he wasnt going to try to get any information from you about Hybern's forces on the continent. After months of war you had become numb to the idea of peace. It never seemed like an option anymore. Perhaps the two generals he had brought with him to save your village had gotten all the information they needed.
  Weeks of sleeping later and you felt your eyes getting heavy again while looking out to the Sidra. The bright city below seemed buzzing with excitement about the upcoming summer solstice. You couldn't wait until you could go to bed. The tower of books on the table beside you casted a shadow over your feet, then your legs, up to your arms. Until finally, it was dark on the balcony, the stars above twinkling like the white caps on the ocean. Dread twisted in your gut, and you slowly got up, letting your body adjust to the change. Dark spots edged in around your vision.
  You could feel the chasm open inside you. The pit of loneliness - the empty void of demons waiting to take you as soon as you dropped your guard. The head rush from getting up made you want to vomit. The acid in your stomach churned, burning up to your throat. Fasting for so long would make Rhysand force your hand to eat, you knew. But you couldn't bring yourself to even try. You felt weighted, like there was a tired blanket over your being and you couldn't get it off no matter how hard you tried. The demons pulled at you.
The pain was good though, a solid reminder of why you would not eat. Why you could not eat. You did not deserve such a pleasure. You doubted you could stomach anything more than crackers anyway after weeks of fasting. Rhysand was not subtle with his advances of trying to get you to try food when he visited. The smell of some of the treats he brought made you gag at times. Your stomach howled at you now though.
  The knock on the door didnt surprise you. It was time for the high lord's weekly visit where you would tell him everything was fine and you didnt need anything. And he would try to get through your shields, and there would be a flash of disappointment on his face at the obsidian stone you would slam down on him. Then he would leave. And you could let the sting of that disappointment burn you alive until you were on the bed sobbing.
  "Enter, your highness." You smiled to yourself slightly, knowing the title would bother him. The voice that came once the door opened made you whip around. Not Rhys. "Actually..." The spymaster. The general that had guarded your village while the other barreled through the enemy lines. "Rhys was busy. He sent me instead." He stood in the doorway, tentatively.
  "Oh.." You felt your cheeks go red at the embarrassment of him seeing you like this. From the defender of your village to..what? A tired being that craved nothing more than to simply not exist anymore? "What is he doing?" You asked out of courtesy only. You were used to the high lord seeing your mess of a room, but Azriel was.. different for some reason. You walked over to the bed and kicked the sheets under the frame. Attempting to tidy up even slightly. The rest of the room was a mess of clothes and empty containers, drink cups. Nerves made your heart race.
"Nightmares?" He asked, stepping inside and closing the oak door behind him. He leaned on it, arms crossed over his chest. His simple tunic seemed to eat the light in the room, not reflecting a thing.
  Your face burned. You felt your eyes sting. Clearing your throat you nodded, folding your arms over your middle. Your ribs seemed to jut out more now that he was watching you. You watched him, as his shadows snaked around his shoulders and curled around his ear. They searched the room. You sighed, going to the closet beside him -ignoring the mirror mounted there- and pulling out a folding chair. You placed it next to your own, facing out to the starry sky. You sat in the familiar padded chair, leaning on the arm rest. The half cup of cold tea next to the book tower rattled slightly on its plate as he approached. A bubble of tranquil quiet seemed to encapsulate the area. A feeling you recognized as relief flowed through your bones. You felt the tension in your body fade slightly. You breathed a bit easier, like he was taking a weight off your chest.
He sat next to you for a long while before he spoke. "I used to hate night time." His voice was level. You tore your eyes away from the most interesting spot on the floor where you were thinking of nothing to look at him.
  He kept his eyes out to the balcony, a cool wind gusting through. His wings were folded in tight behind him, the shadows coiling over everything in the room. The trees below sighed at the caress of the breeze. The night seemed to finally speak as he spoke. He brought his hands together in front of him, rubbing over the scarred texture there. "I would hear absolutely everything in that basement. I could tell when night fell, even without windows. I could hear the beasts hunting outside, or my bastard father getting drunk and-" His hands clenched, and you thought you heard his teeth grind together. "He was a cruel male. To everyone, even my half brothers."
  A shudder rippled through you. You wondered what he had done to Azriel, if his father was cruel to his more beloved children. They had forced him into that basement, even when they knew first hand how Illyrians craved the sky. He knew of total darkness and silence - of pain that seemed to stretch on without end. He knew loneliness, he was locked up with it for the first part of his life. His shadows circled around your ankles like a cat, like they recognized you. Your voice was little more than a whisper as you spoke. "I dont even know whats wrong with me." You were relieved your tears didnt spill over. They pricked your eyes but you blinked them away.
He was quiet, taking in the information. "I didnt either until I found out what a shadow singer is." He paused, glancing at you as you tucked your legs up under yourself. "It dosent mean anything is wrong, it just means you need help sometimes. To figure out exactly what you need." He stood from the chair and flexed his wings, the shadows collecting around him like a puddle.
  He held a hand out to you, patient even while you considered. Getting out of the chair seemed like so much work with such a tired body. Tired soul, tired spirit. Anything beyond existence seemed like a complete burden. But his hand there, waiting, unwavering. Challenging. it made you sigh and finally, stiffly get out of the chair that housed you. The chair that had sucked you in, prisoned you for months.
His smile was stunning. His dark eyes seemed to light up. He led you on to the balcony and leaned over the railing. The pines far below rustled with the breeze. You swore you could hear the Sidra as well, bubbling with the current over the rocks. "How did you get out?" You asked, your eyes locking into his. He looked at you without sorrow, no fear or judgement lurked there. Just that half smile that had stayed since you stood from that chair.
"I was.. released by my father, but I still had to battle the darkness that I had learned. It wasn't until I met Rhysand and his mother that I began to... cope." He contemplated for a moment, his wings moving slightly with the wind that came through. "I'm familiar with what you're feeling. I ask that you try. I can come back again if you'd like." He left it as an open ended question, not as a demand or promise.
  "Just try? You're not gonna make a checklist for me?" You mocked, he just shook his head. "I think I would like that." You answered. At least he wouldnt pester you as much as the high lord did. At least he could bring this feeling of relief to your bones. He nodded, and the shadows seemed to spike, receding from the room and joining him, wrapping around his body and melding him with the night. "I'll be back tomorrow, then." He said simply, raising himself on to the balcony railing with ease.
  You nodded, wringing your hands with nerves as you watched him flare his wings, preparing to fly. "Dont let the bed eat you, Rhys wouldn't be happy if I had to break more of his furniture." He said over his shoulder with a wink. You felt a fleeting smile come to your lips as he jumped, wings catching him as he glided on the wind. You made a note to yourself to ask what other furniture he had ruined.
  He disappeared quickly, the shadows and the comfy bubble of silence gone. When you closed the door to the balcony and turned back to your chair, there was a plate of crackers and fruit waiting there. Your stomach rolled at the thought. Instead, you went to the closet, putting his chair away. You made a mental note to get a different seating option for him, to accommodate the wings. Knowing he was coming back, you saved yourself the future embarrassment and began picking up your clothes, putting them into the corner bin where they disappeared. You didnt pause long enough to check to see if the clothes were reappearing clean in the closet, you just kept cleaning. Trusting the house to understand you were in fact, trying. You dared not pause, knowing if you stopped there wouldn't be a beginning again.
  You went as far as requesting a mop and bucket from the Wraiths. They were wide eyes with shock at your room, at your abruptness. But they said nothing about it, just bringing you the items you requested and then some. Naula snuck in a plate of meat and cheese, leaving it next to the crackers on the end table now that there was more room with the book pile cleaned up.
  You requested the extra chair. They promised it would be in the room by morning. You made your bed, and once you were satisfied with the shining floors you stood back to admire your work. It looked like a different space, clutter gone and the books organized again. You had given the cups the Cerridwen before they left, thanking them both.
You went to your chair, hesitant to sit. The wear marks on the arm rests and the seat were apparent. Instead, picked up the plate of fruit and crackers and took it to the bench at the end of the bed, picking at the more neutral fruit as you went. A spark of something bloomed in your chest at the thought of Azriel coming back. Of what his reaction would be at the clean look of your room. You dared to hope that he would notice at all. Something told you though that he would consider this trying. He made it sound so easy.
  The bed welcomed you, clean sheets caressing your legs as you fell into the most peaceful sleep you had in a long while.
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onecupofskim · 3 years
Text
Our experiences in the Plural community over the years
This post will contain brief mentions innapropriate relationships between adults and minors, and trauma denial. Please continue at your own risk.
Around the age of 12-14, we were very active on Kik. There we were engaged with a handful of witchcraft groups, one of which we had a partner by the name of Riley. Riley was 19.
Riley began teaching us about Tulpamancy. They said it was a way to not be so lonely in your own head. As a young child who had no friends in school, this sounded great.
They linked us to a couple of tumblr posts and a google doc and we went to work.
Oh. Right. Nothing happened. Because you can't force a headmate into existance.
Alright. Well if that didn't work, maybe theres something else!
Oh, Spirit bonding! That sounds like it'll work.
So we meditated. Oh, theres someone here! His name is Raphael. Here, lets put him in this ring and when we wear it, he'll be with us. (I'm facepalming just writing this.)
Except. He was always there. Huh. Weird.
Oh, we made a soul bond with a dragon named Mephisto! Kinda weird that I cant find any information about her existence online...
Huh.. none of this is really adding up.
When we were in our freshman year of highschool we learned about kinning.
We became invested. We kinned a demon character named Greyson. Greyson lived in our head and could change his appearance at will-- Wait what do you mean thats not what kinning is?
Later on we found a game that we really liked at the time, despite its dark themes. We "kinned" the main antagonist. When we would get stressed or anxious he would "shift" out and take over. That's normal right?
Back to the tulpamancy again. Someome had reccomended a discord server regarding tulpas. Kinda weird how everyone was saying Sal wasnt a tulpa even though he lives in our head... huh. Weird.
Okay well. Maybe.. Maybe we are a system. We began learning about systems and systemhood around the age of 16-17. We had never heard of DID or even MPD before.
The more research we did, the more we realized that these weren't kins or tulpas or anything else. They were alters.
They were pieces of our childself broken to bits due to childhood trauma.
Woah.
That would explain. A lot.
We were still apart of the kin community, after finally learning what it really was. We had met an individual who's name I cannot recall. We'll call him Shadow for now.
Shadow was an interesting individual.
We spoke with him frequently about our suspisions of being a system. However he doubted us.
He was in his freshman year of college, with goals to persue becoming a therapist. He was in the middle of a Psych 101 class.
He told us about endogenic systems.
He claimed we didn't have nearly enough trauma to warrent a system, and that instead we were a natural system. One that forms because youre lonely, or need someone.
We were confused... Was what we went through growing up not enough..? Maybe hes right. Yeah people out there have it worse. Those are all parts of any normal childhood! (Spoiler alert. They aren't.)
We began engaging with the endogenic community and were suprised by how much hate they recieved. We engaged with the community briefly, but something didn't seem right.
We spoke with a close friend we had known for years at this point. She had actually graduated with a degree in psychology. We spoke to her about our experiences and she began to tell us more about DID. And looking back on it now, what she told us was all truthful information. Thank you Ali, you're a lifesaver.
We stopped engaging with endos. We found evidence against them. We learned and grew.
We had a few more.. interesting. Experiences with an ex partner but. Thats another post for another time.
Long story short, our experiences with the plural community led us astray from actually acknowledging and accepting the fact we were traumatized. We ended up getting support for our trauma much later than we could have.
This is why we are anti endo. This is why we are anti tulpa. A constant spread of misinformation led us to falling off our path to healing when we needed it most.
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17tetsuro · 4 years
Note
could u do fake dating headcanons where they slowly fall for u w atsumu, kenma & oikawa,, gn pronounces are fine :)
haikyuu boys slowly falling for you (fake dating edition) (gn!reader)
feat: atsumu, kenma, oikawa
warnings: fake dating, abuse of cliche tropes and commas and question marks, timeskip setting because im anything but creative, swearing
requests are open!
a/n: thank you for requesting this!! i hope you like it :D
atsumu
* you’ve been friends with him ever since high school and you watched his career grow
* youre both equally proud of each other n your friendship is built on mutual respect, trust and love
* you basically live in his apartment, with how much time you spend over there
* he would complain 24/7 about not having anyone to go to events with
* at one point you wanted to strangle him for never shutting up about it so you propose you go with him from time to time
* atsumu: “yeah, that was a setup”
* he KNOWS you’re drop dead gorgeous and everyone will be jealous of him that you’re with him (and you also look very good in formalwear, which he very much enjoys)
* and you get to have free food and drinks and also wear immaculate expensive clothes
* so,, you became his regular date for sponsorship events and stuff
* and you never really outright said you were just friends?? so you’re used to the media portraying you two as lovers but your close circle is aware that your relationship is platonic
* everything was going great until one of his sponsor company’s heir started hitting on you
* atsumu saw you flirting with the person and his mind went blank
* he,, he didn’t understand why he wanted to commit multiple crimes on the spot
* bokuto conveniently showed up next to atsumu at that moment
“hey, atsumu? why is your date flirting with them?” bokuto asked, suddenly appearing next to atsumu, which startled the latter out of his thoughts.
a better question would be why atsumu saw red at the thought of you getting friendly with anyone but him that night. he tried his best to keep his composure, but it was hard when you rested a hand on the heir’s shoulder, leaning your head back while laughing.
“atsumu, are you not going to answer me? your lover is-“
“my what?” atsumu asked, attention now completely off you.
“your lover? is that a term you don’t like? i could say partner... significant other... or anything you want, really,” bokuto answered, apologizing.
“you- you think me and (y/n) are together?”
“aren’t you? what, with the way you look at each other i was convinced you two were like... high school sweethearts or something, who hate pda,” bokuto explained, while atsumu’s eyes trailed back to you.
“you think... you think they’d wan’ me?”
“are you blind, buddy?”
you must have sensed their gazes, because as soon as those words left bokuto’s mouth, your eyes snapped towards atsumu and bokuto. the latter started waving with a cheerful smile while the former just stood, entranced by you and your presence. atsumu noticed traces of confusion appearing on your face, and watched as you excused yourself from the conversation you were previously interested in.
“‘tsumu, are you alright?” you questioned, approaching the pair. bokuto grinned and left, which made you even more confused.
“yeah, i’m fi- fine. hey, uh, (y/n), say... do you- why did you offer to come to these events as my date?” atsumu asked, eyes dead set on yours. you cracked a confused smile. you seemed to be capable of nothing but confusion at the moment.
“because you’re my best friend and i hated to see you so down because of your loneliness at these gatherings,” you replied, holding his gaze. “why didn’t you oppose it?”
his eyes studied you and when he saw nothing but sincerity, he let out a loud sigh. this was all very new and confusing to him. it’s like bokuto calling you atsumu’s lover set off a bomb inside his head that instead of causing a mess, made everything fall into place; why his gaze seemed to linger on you more often than before, why he was so eager to choose your outfits for these events, why he went to parties he didn’t even have to attend, why he got so jealous and angry when he saw you with the cute heir.
“holy shit,” he breathed and ran his hands through his hair, letting out a nervous chuckle and lowering his gaze to the ground. “holy shit.”
“you look like you’ve been enlightened, and i love that for you, but ‘tsumu, i’m still very confused.”
“i’m in love with you,” he said in disbelief, and quickly snapped his eyes back to your face when he realized he said it out loud. “i- i mean- i’m not in love with you, no way in hell, you’re- you’re my best friend, you- you smack my head whenever i say somethin’ inappropriate, you keep me from underminin’ myself, you always lift my spirits and for fuck’s sake, please, stop lookin’ at me like that because i will be getting hopeful and if you’re just joking, i will never hear the end of it and-“
you finally hd enough of his rambling and cut him off with a kiss. at first he froze, but seconds later he melted into your embrace, hands sneaking around your waist, pulling you closer.
when your lips separated, atsumu gasping for air after his word vomit and the long kiss you shared, you spoke up. “miya atsumu, you’re a real dumbass, you know that?”
his breath hitched and you kept quiet for a second to let him suffer a bit.
“but you’re my dumbass. i love you, you absolute piece of work.”
atsumu honest to god giggled and leaned in for another kiss, which you gave him without hesitation.
somewhere in the room, bokuto was collecting the money sakusa promised to give him if he got you two to kiss.
kenma
* kenma and you are both twitch streamers with similar content so you knew of each other but weren’t properly introduced
* until one of your mutual friends invited you both to stream among us with them
* you obv accepted
* so during the 3 hr stream, you and kenma were imposters together a lot and had the biggest, most twisted imp plays
* a friendly competition broke out at one point, too, trying to see who exposed the most impostors between the two of you
* your fans ate your dynamic up
* from then on, you two interacted more and started to appear in each others’ streams
* kenma even invited you to his minecraft smp
* you became besties basically
* SO
* all fun and games
* and then a huge sponsorship opportunity rolled in
* and the people at the company assumed you were dating
* uh oh
* you couldnt just tell them they have it wrong bc the whole thing depended on your relationship
* so
* big brain kenma suggest you two start to “date”
* you were against deceiving your followers but kenma assured you you could have a public breakup and tell everyone you were better off as friends
* so you reluctantly agreed
* it was only for two months anyways, what could go wrong?
* both of you, on week 3, in separate discord calls: uh oh, im in l*ve
* you both tried to cope (read: repress everything) but the realization on both of your parts threw your dynamic off a bit and fans have noticed
* so you had to do something abt it
* so kenma suggested you try your hand at a minecraft challenge together
* it was all fun and games until it wasnt
* you somehow ended up flirting back and forth ????
* chat was goin crazy, even in sub only mode
* both of you: ha ha im in danger
* when the stream ended, you stayed on call, because that was a routine you stuck to no matter what
“so... how are you doing?” you asked kenma, trying to clear the awkwardness from the air.
“good.”
maybe you should have taken kenma’s refusal to talk about anything into account when initiating conversation.
kenma, on the other end of the call was anxiously playing with his fingers, trying to figure out if his chat was right, and you were indeed flirting with him. and him with you. god.
“hey, y/n,” kenma said after a while, “were you flirting with me?”
his bluntness startled you and you had to mute yourself for a few seconds while you collected yourself.
“is there a correct answer?” you asked hesitantly.
“yes.”
“oh... uhm, maybe? it wasn’t intentional. or maybe it was, subconsciously, i don’t know,” you admitted quietly.
“good. it was intentional on my part, i think,” and okay, that was not the reply you expected to hear.
“really?”
“yeah, i- i like you i guess,” he said, sounding more confident by the minute. “do you like me too?”
“i- yeah. i do. i like you, kenma,” you replied, sighing a breath of relief. it felt good to admit it aloud to him.
“do you- would you maybe want to come over?” he asked sheepishly, which made absolutely no sense because he sounded so confident a second ago. “we could play mario kart?”
you let the beaming smile you were holding back take over your face. “i’ll be there in 10, kenma.”
“i’ll be waiting for you.”
oikawa
* on god mans hated your guts
* like,, okay, you were iwa’s close friend but you were so annoyingly honest all the time
* it drove him mad
* what also drove him mad is the fact that you loved to tease him
* no matter what the circumstance, whether he was in japan or in argentina, you always found a way to make him blush
* okay so maybe hate is a strong word, because he kind of thought you were pretty, but in a platonic way
* dumbass
* iwa always give both of you shit for not liking each other
* so you came up with a big brain idea
* you: ”oikawa! we should date!”
* oikawa: “what”
* after you explained the concept of fake dating to him and its benefits (which included a staged dramatic breakup, giving you both a reason to hate each other without iwa complaining)
* he was totally down
* iwa, when he first saw you holding hands: “i knew it”
* SO!! thus began weeks of pretending to be in love with each other for the sake of iwa
* which turned from pretending to not pretending real quick for your liking
* falling in love with oikawa was not a plan of yours
* (falling in love with you wasn’t his, either)
* with iwa’s constant nagging of “i knew it, you both were head over heels for each other from the moment you met”, the time for the breakup came quicker than expected (maybe you both had enough. so what.)
* you agreed to do it in front of iwa so he could see it happen
* you chose a mcdonalds parking lot, because then you could storm off and iwa would follow you to make sure you were ok and oikawa could go home and sleep
* maybe winging it was not the best idea
“babe,” you said with venom, “haven’t i told you a thousand times that i do not want to hear about your exes? seriously, it’s like the only thing you talk about,” you complained, as your fake-boyfriend took a sip from his drink.
“well, babe,” his tone matching yours, “i would shut up about them if took the hint sometimes. maybe i don’t like going to the movies as much as you seem to, it’s boring,” he rolled his eyes, subtly glancing at iwa, who looked very uncomfortable third wheeling your argument. good
“jerk. i don’t even want to go to the movies that much, asshole,” you spat, crushing your empty cup in your hand.
“oh, you want to go to the movies plenty. face it, (y/n), you’re boring. no wonder you didn’t have a boyfriend before me,” he replied and his words, even though you knew were fake, still hit hard and you couldn’t help the tears gathering in your eyes.
“okay, then, thanks for these wonderful past few weeks, so glad you decided to take pity on me.” you tried to keep acting, encouraging yourself with the fact that if oikwa meant what he said, you wouldn’t have to talk to him if iwaizumi finally saw you two break up.
you expected a lot of things, but genuineness in oikawa’s eyes was not one of them.
“(y/n), i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it like that,” oikawa pleaded, clearly forgetting about your mutual goal.
with a mumbled whatever, you started walking home, letting the sunset wash over your face. when you knew you were out of sight, you sat down on a bench and just started crying.
you don’t know how much time passed, but you heard a voice behind you speak up.
“hey (y/n).”
“what the fuck do you want, oikawa? to rub in the fact that my first boyfriend was just faking it so his best friend would get off his back? leave me alone, jerk,” you said, trying to wipe your tears away.
“i- i didn’t mean it like that, please, believe me,” he replied, taking a seat next to you. you scooted away from him. he sighed.
“why would i believe you? why do you want to make up, anyways? this fight was pretty real, no way iwaizumi didn’t believe it,” you sniffed.
“because maybe... maybe i was very happy about the fact that i could be your boyfriend, even if it was fake. maybe i’m in love with you,” he said softly, leaning towards you.
“please, stop playing games. it’s over,” you replied, trying very hard to ignore the raw emotion in his voice as he spoke.
“i really am, (y/n). i wasn’t at first, i admit it, but now i am. i love you, please, believe me,” he begged and you finally made eye contact with him. eyes were mirrors of the soul, after all.
you studied his face for a few minutes, looking for anything that could indicate he was trying to pull a shit prank on you, but you found nothing.
“asshole. maybe i’m in love with you too, what would you do if i said that?” you asked, wiping your nose with your sleeves.
“kiss you.”
“do it, then, i guess. but you’re still not completely forgiven.”
“what do i have to do to earn your forgiveness, (y/n)?” he asked and you sent him a mischievous smile.
“take the blame for this whole fiasco with iwaizumi.” he froze at your words and visibly gulped, but nodded nonetheless.
“okay, i will. can i kiss you now?”
you rolled your eyes. “yeah.”
and he did.
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1apple-fox1 · 3 years
Text
card technology and how LDS basically owns the market on not only real solid vision systems but also cards
this is gonna be a wordy post and i apologize in advance. ok first off i just wanna say i am probably the only person who thinks about this shit but i find world stuff and the like interesting to think about. call me obsessed, idc, ive watched arc v 5 times and i just really wanna share this.
it is canon that standard did not start with the other summoning methods, that they are relatively new. we arent ever told what cards are made out of specifically- but considering past shows and their connection to spirits we can assume they arent just simply cards. EX- gx and the crystal beast cards being made from actual gems.
for arc v, id say its the ‘energy signature’ of a card. reiji is shown to have technology that is able to read energy and also tell what kind of energy it is. He also uses a machine to copy pendulum monster cards and they are similar to the originals but not exactly the same. so either the ‘energy’ is the monster spirit itself, or its the magic nonsense that allows it to summon said spirit. either way- a card is not simple to make in the universe.
so that begs the question- how did LDS manage to get the other summoning methods?
well its shown that LDS actually has dimension hopping technology, though it seems rough and unfinished, i have no doubt reiji tried to use it again after his initial teleport to academia. whether he went there physically or not idk, but i theorize he was able to capture or hone in on the cards of those dimensions and copy them the same way he copied yuyas pendulum monsters.
except the LDS fusion/xyz/synchro cards are all weaker than the originals because he probably had limited data.
for fusion its easy to back this up since, anyone from standard who uses fusion doesnt actually use a regular ‘polymerization’ card- because reiji wasnt able to copy it one for one... (your probably thinking- what about kachidoki? well ill get back to that)
Even other characters like yuya, yuzu, and reiji himself are shown to not actually be able to use ‘polymerization’ more than once. standard users who have fusion monsters rely on other methods such as deck themed fusion cards, monster effects, or in the case of reiji: contract cards
this extends to the other methods too but in more subtle ways. hokuto is only able to xyz summon after changing his monsters levels, yaiba can only synchro summon using effects that treat monsters like tuners (both him and gon only have one tuner in their decks at the start) you could also argue that the fact they are missing ‘rank up’ cards or any support magic cards for synchro monsters as another way in which standard made xyz/synchro are weaker.
so- where the fuck am i going with this? well LDS is shown to be the only thing with access to these other cards. its not clear, but it looks like using the method can take a toll on the users body and i do not know if thats a matter of energy needed to summon a monster and having to train ones body or what but-
these cards are not easy to make, and there are limited copies in stock.
other summoning method cards are expensive to buy in standard. why am i saying this? well one- yu show duel school is shown to not have access to any, shuzo himself says hes never used the cards, and its possible that its because he cant afford it. none of the other schools in the tournament use other summoning methods. that is except...
kachidoki and his school.
not only that, but they also have a regular ‘polymerization’ card. your probably thinking this is where all this falls apart. but think about it- ryozanpaku is shown to be probably the second most popular and highest grossing duel school. its not a stretch to think they PAID LDS a hefty sum of money for their own stock of cards. and what did LDS give them? their first copies of the ‘polymerization’ cards. they are weaker but relatively work the same- but most of the students still rely on it AND monster effects.
but if thats the case- if these cards cost so much and only LDS has access to them... not only do they now own that market, theyve basically created a huge gap and money cap for players of the game in standard. people arent gonna wanna go to a duel school that does not have the means to teach them these other methods of play. standard summoning becomes a laughing stock- no one can win with just standard summoning! duel schools start going out of business because they simply lack students. LDS and only a FEW other schools remain and all of them focus on those methods- not standard summoning...
LDS has complete and total control of the market.
of course arc v doesnt show us if anywhere else in the standard dimension has this tech but if we’ve seen anything from reira- its quite likely japan is the most advanced in this field, as weapons and cards seem to go hand in hand because of their innate power to destroy... ANYWAYS
what does this mean for the game in standard? well if things kept going how they were its quite possible the level of entry into the game becomes so high that you have to be born with privilege to even have a chance at grabbing a spot and not being immediately kicked out.
but something more interesting- and the real like theory part i guess is... when something becomes too expensive to get- ppl start making knock offs. people start making fake cards, some of them work on the duel disk- others do not, but the older the card the easier to copy and cheat the duel disk code. suddenly theres a bunch of copies of strong ishijimas cards, or even yusho’s cards. (thats how the bully managed to make an exact replica of strong ishijimas deck)
theres just a group of people now who just dont even use duel disk and just play on mats- denounce the new summoning method and actively hate what the game has become- but its still seen as lesser... and still other methods cannot be copied.
theres no real end to this theory beyond the fact that this shit is kinda messed up and mirrors shit in our world to an eerie point but like... uh i hope you enjoyed this? i like thinking of the game duel monsters in the world of arc v instead of the normal ass card game that it is irl so-- uh yeah pls tell me what you think about this and add on to it if you have something to share! sorry for the long post--
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prongssmrrcury · 3 years
Text
a very bleak christmas
wolfstar fic /// one shot
word count ( 6.2k ITS LONG SORRY)
fluff, not much smut
this turned out awfully long IM SORRY😭 having that said i hope you enjoy <33 ily mwahh
"you ready wormy?" james said, shutting his trunk and looking at his bed and around the dormitory to make sure hasnt forgotten anything. he looked over at the shorter boy with sandy coloured hair who was bending down apparently trying to get something he dropped from under the bed, but struggling a great deal. he nervously shot his head up giving james a weak smile and said "yes, im ready, i just dropped something here im not sure what-"
"just tell moony to fetch it for you while we're away" james said and peter just agreed and left the dormitory trailing after james with his trunk, shutting the door on his way. the gryffindor common room was emptier than usual, but the fireplace was lit with a couple of people huddling around it to shield themselves from the ruthless cold of december. despite this however, peoples spirits were as light as ever as almost everyone was departing for two weeks to spend christmas with their families, even lily evans stopped rolling her eyes every time james breathed, and started spending more time with him and ( to james' great delight) enjoying his company. speaking of lily, she was standing by the fireplace with her hair up in a ponytail with a furry winter cap on her head. james noticed her at once and made his way down the flight of stairs and tapped her shoulder softly, she turned around and gave him a warm smile, a short hug followed.
"happy holidays james!" she smiled so widely it watered james' eye. she called him james, not potter.
"happy holidays" he managed to respond, taken aback by the sudden affection she just showed him. she looked around furrowing her brows slightly then spoke, "wheres your trunk? have you not packed?"
"oh no i have! i left my trunk with peter to um, you know, come and say hi" he said the second part of the sentence quietly, she let out a soft laugh, god he just wanted to kiss her so bad. "wheres yours?" he asked quickly. she turned around slightly to show him her trunk which was standing behind her, tapping it twice.
"alright then, lets go down to breakfast, minnie wouldnt want us to be late" he told her, taking her hand and leading her out of the common room with him. he looked back at peter who was struggling with his own trunk and james' but peter just shot him a thumbs up as if he got everything under control.
"alright wormy, dont be late" he muttered. the pair of them walked down from the gryffindor tower to the entrance hall and right to the great hall where elaborate christmas decorations were encapsulating the place, giving the entire castle a more homey vibe. the four house tables were emptier than usual, james and lily made their way to the gryffindor table where they were met by a handsome boy with long hair that he managed to scruff in a very messy pony tail, and a taller boy sitting across him who seemed to find his buttering his toast to be a very intriguing activity. lily and james took seats next to them.
"morning" sirius spoke, looking at lily then at james.
"morning sirius, how are you" lily replied, who also began buttering her toast. sirius didnt respond right away, instead he eyed her then finally spoke, "oh im, im very good" it didnt really seem like it, sirius didnt seem to be in his loud, arrogant and flirtatious mood today, instead a rather dull and quiet one. lily looked at james silently trying to understand what had caused the sudden change in sirius behavior, she was met a mere shrug from james. the four of them sat in silence for the next ten minutes, no one breaking silence that seemed to have swallowed them. remus then looked up for the first time and sighed loudly, which made sirius look very attentively at him, waiting for him to say anything.
"im gonna go, im in the dorm if you want me pads. enjoy your holidays james, you too lily" he said lowly, also clearly in a dull mood in contrast to everyones mood right now. he got up and left, shooting them a weak smile before disappearing out of the great hall.
sirius watched him so closely even when he had gotten out of sight. it was common knowledge that the pair are in love and clearly fancied each other, almost everyone in school knew that. maybe its because of sirius' shameless attitude, cuddling with remus in the common room, sitting on his lap in the middle of the great hall, or pushing remus against a wall and just stand in front of him doing god knows what. the only problem was... neither sirius nor remus knew they liked each other. they obviously knew they had a different relationship than anyone else but they were so oblivious to the fact that theyre in love that it sometimes made james just want to scream it in their face.
"you okay pads?" james said mockingly, sirius had been staring at where remus left for at least ten minutes completely transfixed, he came back to his senses at once and looking abruptly between james and lily then back at his doughnut, fiddling with it slightly. he then shot james an alarmed look and said, "dont call me that james". he spoke so firmly, he knew james knew this is what remus calls him. no one was really allowed to use that nickname with him, even he and james who had a light hearted friendship that was basically based on jokes and pranks, sirius pronounced the words looking into james' eyes, which made james know he was being one hundred percent serious. james didnt respond, feeling a rush of guilt in his stomach, he just took a bite of his oatmeal.
"how are things with you two" james asked. sirius once again didnt respond right away but instead took time to ponder his answer.
"what do you mean how are things"
"you know, have you guys had a row or anything?" james asked, stuffing more oatmeal in his mouth.
"oh- um yea no. not really no" sirius hesitated a bit. the truth is that remus and him didnt have a row, but today was one of these occasions where sirius woke up finding himself on remus' bed not knowing how or why. it had happened a couple of times before and when it did, remus would immediately smile warmly at sirius and pamper him with kisses here and there on his cheek and his jaw. however, today, remus woke up a bit more shaky to the fact that he was in the same bed as sirius. he straightened his pyjamas quickly giving sirius an awkward smile and leaving without a word.
james dropped his oatmeal and looked at sirius looking serious for the first time, giving him a smile that carried something between sympathy and support.
"are you ever going to tell him?"
"tell him what" sirius said bluntly
james smirked. even lily suppressed a knowing look. sirius rolled his eyes.
"you guys are not onto that bullshit the whole school talks about right?" he asked cringing slightly.
"if the bullshit includes you and remus being blindly in love then yes" james gave a small laugh.
"literally blindly" lily mumbled, but sirius heard her and gave her a look.
"guys- hes my best mate"
"doing a lot of canoodling with your 'best mate' ?" james smirked rolling his eyes.
"first of all, what the fuck is canoodling james, this isnt the eighteenth century" he ppinted out the weird choice of wording.
"whatever, point is, people dont sleep on their 'best mates' chests every day padfoot" sirius opened his mouth to protest but james cut him again "just save your breath will you. im trying to help"
sirius sighed heavily burying his head in his hands and shaking it.
"i dont fucking know what to do prongs. fuck ugh i hate this so much why cant it be simpler" sirius' voice got weaker.
"mate just talk to him, remus cant read your mind. and its pretty obvious the feelings mutual" james tried to convince him.
"i dont know if hes into- you know, into me" sirius tried to explain. sirius had come out to the entire school three years ago so it was common knowledge that was gay.
"oh he is" lily said
sirius blinked.
"i mean, i spend a lot of time with him in our prefects meetings and in the library and stuff" she explained. sirius blinked again.
"i mean" she began again, "he talks about you an awful lot and seems to be quite fond of you" she smiled.
"look, you'll never know if you dont ask" james said again. "look at me, i had to ask lily out at least fifteen times-"
"james what the fuck this isnt the same, why are you even comparing it" sirius interrupted
"oh of course its not the same, but communication is key, no matter what the relationship is"
"yea and when i ask him out and he just says i misunderstood all his soft affectionate gestures, then stops hanging out with me because im gay and he would know i have feelings for him, that clearly arent mutual. i'll just ruin everything, and i'll lose probably the only person that likes me in this lousy world" sirius spilled, laughing bitterly.
"sirius! you know remus would never stop hanging out with you because of that, you know it!" james said, his voice getting a bit louder.
"yea but it'd be a sticky situation when your gay friend has feelings for you" sirius said, his eyes filled with tears that he wiped right away hoping james and lily didnt see that.
"sirius.." lily said lowly
"lily can you please check up on peter and help him if needs any assistance" james told her firmly, she didnt need telling twice, knowing he wanted to be left alone with sirius. she made her way out of the great hall until she was out of sight, then james look at sirius again who had his head buried in his hands once again.
"sirius i dont know whats gotten into you today, but you know damn well that neither moony or i would ever think of you any differently because you're gay. stop saying that as if its something that hinders you" this was one of the rare occasions where james was serious and firm. he wanted sirius to know meant every word that left his mouth. at this moment he heard a sniff followed by a weak sob.
"james, i sometimes wish i wanst- wasnt, you know, gay" he managed to say between sobs. james' face fell suddenly.
"no dont say that. please dont say that, you know we love you the way you are and we dont give two damns if you're gay or not" james got up and made his way across the table to sit next to sirius rather than in front of him.
"you're me best mate, i dont like seeing you like this. i love you a lot sirius and nothing your little overthinking brain comes up with could change that" he said, pulling sirius into a hug, so hard that he mightve broken a few ribs. he wasnt gonna let go before sirius does, he could stay here all day until sirius was ready to let go. he heard strong sniffs and felt his chest going up and down. sirius broke the hug after a few minutes, looking a lot more content than he had a few minutes before. james gave him his usual cheeky smile.
"your fucking snout sirius" james laughed, picking up a handkerchief trying to clean his shoulder.
"fuck off" sirius managed to laugh, sniffing again.
"thank you" sirius said quietly
"come off it, dont thank me" james smiled at him. he watched him grab a cigarette and right when he was about to light it with the tip of his wand james stopped him hesitantly. james never really liked to mother him about smoking or give him lectures about the effects smoking had, but he noticed sirius was eating less and smoking more the past couple of days. sirius shot a "what-do-you-want" look to which james responded, "um, can you please just eat something before you smoke" james said. he knew this was a touchy subject, he never liked to mention it but they were alone and he knows he's the only one sirius would listen to. sirius gave him a hesitant look, before stuffing the cigarette back in his pocket.
"just for you prongs" he rolled his eyes, taking a bite of his doughnut. james however was filled with so much joy seeing his best friend do that just for him.
"what are you smiling so much at you prat" sirius said between bites. james shook his head softly before saying, "im very proud of you sirius, i hope you know that" sirius smiled and laughed dismissively at that statement, james knew it touched him but sirius never really knew how to respond to affectionate words.
"you're very sappy you know that" sirius laughed slightly.
"whatever" james felt his cheeks go red. "anyway i have to get going before i get minnie mad on christmas" he said, getting up, swinging his backpack on his back leaving the hall.
"tell moony i say merry christmas" james called, leaving the great hall also disappearing out of sight.
~
later that night, james and lily departed home to spend the upcoming weeks with their families to celebrate christmas, so did most of the school. as homey and welcoming as the school felt, everyone loved going back to their family, everyone except sirius. sirius was never fond of his family, he never had a good relationship with them and all they did was make him more miserable, he would take any chance to be away from them. sirius was sat in the library that was emptier than usual (but the ceiling was enchanted to fake snow) he was sitting with two giant books opened in front of him, yellowed by age. he looked over at the books, he hadnt read a single word despite being here for nearly an hour. he came here in an attempt to distract himself from the intensifying amount of nerves and stress, however, he was so lost in his thoughts that not even that gigantic book can save him from his exhausting overthinking. he sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulder, shutting the books that made a loud thud and put them back in their place. sirius swung his backpack on his back and left the library making his way to the gryffindor tower. he just wanted to sleep. yes, sleep, thats what he needed. he went through the fat lady's portrait and climbed up the stairs to his dormitory, finding remus sitting on his four poster bed completely engulfed by a book. remus shot his eyes up the second he heard sirius walking in and gave him a wordless smile, going back to his book. sirius' stomach did a funny lurch.
"i was starting to think youve forgotten your way around the castle" remus said, flipping the page of his book, still reading it. sirius looked at him nervously, not sure what he meant by that.
"what?" sirius asked, he was going to take his shirt off and get in his pyjamas but stopped abruptly. he didnt wanna make remus uncomfortable around him, especially after what happened this morning. they always had a very intimate relationship though, changing in front of each other was never a problem. remus suppressed a chuckle which made sirius look at him, unsure what he found comical in this very intense atmosphere.
"you can take your shirt off if you want sirius" remus said, still poured into his book.
"how can you even see me?" sirius couldnt stop himself. remus looked up from his book and gave him a is-that-even-a-question look. sirius slipped his undone tie, unbuttoning his buttons his fingers shaking horribly for a reason he didn't understand. he knew remus was looking in his book (not that he didnt want remus looking) but he still felt like all the worlds eyes are on him. a couple of awfully long minutes passed and sirius finally was in his pyjama and got into his bed under his blanket and stared absentmindedly into the wall. remus flipped the page once again, he hadnt read a word on the previous page. how could he? he was so preoccupied by sirius changing in front of him. remus did freak out when he found himself on the same bed as sirius this morning. he doesnt know why he freaked out the way he did, its not like its the first time. he knew that this had made sirius extremely self conscious the whole day, he was wearing a very dull look. he had to make up for his unexplainable actions, he cant stand seeing sirius this upset, especially if he was the reason hes feeling like that. he couldnt stand seeing him in such a bad mood on breakfast this morning that he had to dismiss himself early. but sirius' loss of his loud flirtatious attitude was what stirred the pot for remus. he didnt walk in the dorm and try to slip in bed with remus, or get a kiss from him, or remotely try draw any attention to hismelf from remus rather than that book in his hand, which was as un-sirius as one can get.
"why were you late?" remus asked sirius, knowing hes not asleep. sirius mumbled something inaudible from his bed that remus didnt catch onto. remus furrowed his brows slightly. he shut his book and put it on the bed side table, the sound he made when he shut his book made sirius shift in his bed to face remus who was staring back at him.
"where were you?" remus asked
"in the library" sirius said simply, avoiding any sarcasm or any joking around. remus face wore a surprised expression.
"oh- by your own will?" he said with a breathy laugh.
"yea" sirius replied
"what were you reading?" said remus, sounding excited. sirius didnt exactly know why he wad being interrogated by remus about his absence.
"um, i was just doing homework"
"oh, thats actually nice pads" remus smiled. sirius' stomach did another flip at the nickname. god this was so awkward and tense, sirius thought.
"sirius are you mad at me?" remus said, going straight to the point. every muscle in sirius' body went tense and completely still.
"no" sirius said bluntly.
"sure?"
"yea"
"okay. great then. um do you wanna come lay here with me?" remus offered, this was quiet foreign for remus as it was never him who initiated anything sexual or intimate. but he was willing to go out of his comfort zone for sirius. just for sirius.
"uh- sorry moony im really tired" it pained sirius to say these words, if he was being honest, he wanted nothing more than to lay in remus' chest right now and give him soft pecks and kiss his stupid plump lips.
"oh, okay" remus said lowly. "okay then" sirius wasnt sure what he meant by that tone, and before sirius has any other second to think about it, he felt his bed dip slightly and remus climbing on him, placing himself on top of sirius with his legs wide opened around his waist. sirius felt like all the oxygen in the world had escaped his lungs.
"tired, you said you are pads? want a little massage?" remus cooed softly. he leaned down on sirius' chest undoing his pyjama buttons revealing his tattooed chest.
"remus-" sirius tried to stop him. sirius promised himself he wasnt going to do anything like that with remus because he doesnt want to make him uncomfortable or possibly hate him more, however, this is different. its remus thats initiating it. it remus that did it.
"what pads?" remus continued cooing softly, completely stripping sirius of his shirt and attaching his lips on sirius' neck. at this exact moment, sirius moaned louder than he intended. he shifted slightly in his bed and put his hand through remus' hair. remus continued nibbling sirius' neck. he bit and licked at all the right spots, leaving a soft trail of kisses all over his neck and made his way up to his chin and on his lips, where he left a soft peck. sirius however pulled remus' head back towards him to kiss him properly, remus licked sirius' bottom lip which made sirius moan approvingly into the kiss. remus slipped his tongue in sirius' mouth and deepened the kiss, he felt sirius' hand wandering around his shoulder and slipped in his shirt to touch his bare skin.
"god this is so" remus moaned breaking the kiss only to attach his lips on his once again.
"remus-" sirius stopped him abruptly. remus looked down on sirius, his eyes mobing fast between his godly features, furrowing his brows slightly not understanding why sirius stopped him. did he make him uncomfortable? was sirius really not in the mood and remus overstepped a boundry? remus felt a horrible tingling feeling in his stomach as his brain raced between all the possibilities.
"remus im sorry- i cant do this" sirius said, as soon as the words left his mouth he felt horrible, reading the shocked and bewildered expression on remus face, he looked very hurt and unsure of himself.
"oh- fuck okay im sorry" remus said quickly, getting off sirius and leaving his bed, but sirius held his arm to immobilize him and not make him leave. they stared at each other for a few seconds that felt painfully long. both of them felt confused, upset with themselves and unsure of what to do or say next.
"can you please stay" sirius said quietly avoiding remus' eye. remus didnt respond which made sirius feel a horrible pit of nerves in his stomach.
"i- i don't understand. you just asked me to stop and told me you cant do this" remus spoke lowly with a soft rasp in his voice. sirius buried his head in his hand, he was on the brink of tears, he honestly didnt know what or how to explain his confusion to remus. how could he explain it or put it in cohesive words when he himself didn't understand.
"sirius please talk to me" remus said softly, holding sirius' hand
"rem i dont know how-"
"do you trust me?" remus cut him off.
"what- yes of course" sirius said sternly.
"then please tell me how you feel"
"how i feel about what?" sirius asked
"about doing this" remus tried to explain, sirius knew at once he was referring to all the sexual stuff they do.
"remus i love it. i enjoy it a lot, i sometimes just want the day to end only to get in bed with you. i- i dont know how to word my feelings because it's honestly just all a mess inside me" sirius spilled. this was the most he'd spoken all day. remus smiled at the last sentence. "what about you?" sirius asked, feeling the same horrible pit of nerves in his stomach increase. remus however smiled.
"i do things for you pads that id never do to anyone" he said, smiling more. he leaned closer to sirius' face and brushing a few strands of his hair out of his face. "but, if you feel unsure about this, we can stop and just be friends. i'd completely understand"
"no what the fuck moony" sirius said before he could stop himself, remus looked in his eyes. "no im unsure about your feelings to me, not about my feelings to you" he tried to explain.
"you think i dont like you?" remus asked quickly.
"well not exactly but im not sure how you feel towards me". at this, remus leaned down to kiss sirius lips a soft and tender kiss. he took his time to savor every bit of his mouth he could.
"maybe this would give you a good idea about how i feel about you" he smiled at him. "we're both exhausted, its best if we just go to sleep"
"right okay. can you sleep with me?" sirius asked, remus gave a breathy laugh at his sweet request.
"yes darling i can" he said with his usual rasp apparent, getting under the blanket and spooning sirius playing with his hair for the the next foreseeable hours until both of them were sleeping.
soft sun rays illuminated through the window of the gryffindor tower and on the entire hogwarts grounds. the translucent curtains that were in the dormitory were not doing any shielding from the sun rays whatsoever. it fell gently on the two boys that were sleeping together, tangled together, their bodies almost intertwining so perfectly with each other as if they were jigsaw pieces. sirius' head was on remus' chest, remus hugging sirius' body towards him and their legs just tangled. they looked so peaceful, their chests raising and going down every couple of seconds, it was all so perfect that one could confidently bet that even their heartbeats were in sync.
an owl came knocking its beak on the window above the bed theyre on, breaking the gentle yet majestically peaceful the state they were in. sirius shifted slightly in his sleep, opening his eyes to find uninvited sunlight penetrating right through his eyeballs. the owl made another knock on the window trying to grab their attention.
"fine okay" sirius said rasply, he got up sitting upright opening the window for that stupid owl that interrupted his sleep. the owl had two parcels tied on its leg. sirius untied them and the owl flew out at once.
"whos that from?" a raspy voice spoke he immediately knew it was remus.
"um, i think its" he turned the parcel around to see if there was any name, he smiled when he saw the senders name.
"yep, its from prongs" he said looking at remus who also smiled warmly.
"well, we'll open it later, lets just get up quickly now before we miss breakfast" he said, sitting up right and sliding his legs out of the bed. the two boys changed into their normal clothes. remus got into a hand knitted sweater and pants, sirius also got into a baggy sweatshirt and sloppily tied his hair up.
"pads is that mine?" remus smiled looking at the sweater sirius was wearing.
"maybe" sirius replied with a cheeky tone.
"course it is" remus rolled his eyes. "you literally have the biggest closet out of all of us, yet youre never wearing your shit" sirius gave him a weird look.
"not that i mind it darling" remus said softly, playing with sirius' hair slightly. they both left the dormitory and walked down to the common room with the intention to leave to the great hall, however they were met by a small table that was put in front of the fireplace with breakfast food laying on it. they looked at each other exchanging weird looks.
"there was no point of making you leave the common room only to go down and eat when its only you too in the whole school" professor mcgonagall's voice spoke. she was sitting on an armchair wearing her usual green dressing gown. "well anyway, im going down to have breakfast with the rest of the teachers. you two have a merry christmas" she smiled slightly and left the common room.
remus and sirius were just left there standing stupidly in front of the food table.
"well, i guess we're not leaving. sit down lets eat im starving" sirius said sitting himself down and starting to eat toast. they both ate until they were full and just laid on their armchairs to take their breath.
"wanna open the parcel prongs sent?" remus asked after ten minutes of silence.
"uhh sure" sirius said, getting the parcels, handing remus one box and he opened the other one. he tore the wrapping and opened it, a smile breaking on his face.
"he got me a wand polishing set. oh and look, he got me some hair bands" remus laughed a little. sirius put the hair bands in his wrist.
"what are you laughing at, i love it" sirius smiled "what did he get you?"
"he got me part six of 'crows or crowns'. its my favorite book and he knows i couldn't find that volume anywhere" remus' face wore a very big smile from that present. "oh and look! he got me a vest, it's beautiful"
"i'll be wearing that" sirius said at once
"of course darling you can wear it whenever"
"remus open my gift!" sirius said with so much excitement, remus held the huge box wondering what he has inside. he stared at sirius before opening it, unsure of what will meet him when he opens it. his suspicion grew larger when he was met by a cheeky smiling sirius.
"its not gonna blow up in my face right?" remus laughed a little
"only one way to find out" sirius shrugged
"oh god" remus joked. he opened the box and the first thing he saw was a big box inside labeled 'book polishing kit' remus' face fell with shock.
"sirius! sirius is this a book polishing kit? oh my god" he was gasping. sirius felt his cheeks burn by the fond expression on remus' face.
"holy shit pads where did you get this, these are so rare and expensive" he held it close to his face examining it with so much excitement.
"shhh its a gift" sirius was kind of embarrassed fora reason he doesnt know. "theres more stuff"
remus looked inside the box and laughed out loudly when he saw at least a doesnt bars of chocolate.
"what are you laughing at! this is the muggle chocolate you told me you like" sirius said flustered a little.
"yes yes i love it" remus smiled. "thank you"
sirius shrugged, not knowing what to say in situations like this.
"um, right open my gift" remus said looking nervous. remus' gift was something a little different and not very expected, he spent a lot of time thinking whether its a good idea or not. hes so nervous for sirius to see it, he felt his stomach lurch so badly he might vomit. he handed sirius an a4 piece of parchment that was folded into quarters. sirius gave him a confused yet excited look.
"are you giving me your transfiguration homework as a christmas gift moony" he joked.
"oh shut up and open it" every fibre in remus' body was screaming in anticipation and nerves. sirius unfolded the paper and read:
"dear sirius,
i am writing this in the dormitory for the fifteenth time at least. i thought so much about this and decided that its perfect. six years ago when i laid eyes on you for the first time, you had this aura that carried so much charm, something about your stupid gorgeous personality was so seductive and made me in complete lust for you. there aren't enough words in the english language to explain how you make me feel, nothing will come close to describing how i feel when you slip in bed with me every night, when i play with your hair, when i hear your heartbeats, when i hold your hand and stroke it with my thumb, when you kiss my scars, when you sit next to me in class sit there looking pretty doing nothing. i came to the conclusion that every little thing you do has me in utter awe. no one has ever made me feel like that, for a long time i was so confused as to why and how you could do that so effortlessly. i was confused about how i felt about you for so long, i was so confused about myself, and you helped me come to terms with who i am, by being so unapologetically you. at the end of a hard day you're always there to cheer me up, even in my darkest days, when nothing felt like it'll be okay ever again, you're always fucking here to change that. the number of times you've saved my life sirius, i couldnt tell you, by just merely being here. i figured that no matter what happens and no matter where life takes me, i want to always be with you. i never want to see that day i have to depart you, i dont ever see it coming because not even the strongest force from the gods above will make me leave you. im in love with you. im so fucking in love you idiot. im in love with the way you talk, the way you tie your hair, the way you dress, the way your eyes crease when you smile, your bark like laugh, your stupid jokes that i find funny unironically, your chirped nail polish... just in love with you. so sirius, this is me asking, do you want to be my boyfriend?"
sirius read the letters at least three times to make sure he wasnt missing anything, to make sure he was reading it correctly. was remus asking him out? was remus actually in love with him? none of this felt real. sirius felt like he's seeing stars in his vision, like he was going to pass out any second right now. he looked up at remus who was staring attentively on him and watching his every reaction. he met eyes with him and felt like all the worlds oxygen was being drained.
"so?" remus asked, his voice quivering.
"so?" he repeated as if this was a incredulous thing so say, " fuck yes i wanna be your boyfriend" sirius threw himself on remus on his armchair and splattered him with kissed everywhere he could reach.
"i never thought id be the lucky person to actually end up dating you" sirius breathed
"please, im the lucky one here" remus rolled his eyes.
"i mean hell yeah you are" sirius said sarcastically.
the pair of them spent the rest of the day sitting on the armchair cuddled up with the heat of each other, sharing soft intimate touches every now and then. they spent the whole day in peace and delicacy and made the most out of each other’s company. soon enough before they knew it, the holidays were over and students were returning to hogwarts for their second term.
“hi remus! hey sirius, good holiday? how are you two?” james showered them with questions enthusiastically when they saw him come in the gryffindor common room, he seemed to be in a cheerful mood.
“yea, great holiday” remus mumbled finding himself an armchair and sitting in it. the rest followed and sat on armchairs around him but sirius sat on his lap which remus scooted over a little to make space for him. james and lily looked at each other rolling their eyes playfully but happy that theyre on good terms, unlike the last time they saw them.
“what about you two? and you wormy? how was ur holiday” remus asked calmly, playing with sirius’ hair absentmindedly.
“great we had a great a time, i invited lily and wormy over, wormy couldnt make it though. but lily and i had fun, my parents liked her a lot” james smirked looking at her. “obviously they knew her because i always talked about her to them, but they’ve never really- woah WOAH” james’ speach was cut abruptly when he saw sirius attach his lips to remus’ and remus kissed him back fondly. they all exchanged shocked looks but they werent too shocked, they knew something was happening between the pair of them.
“woah guys” james laughed as they broke the kiss apart and giggled at their reaction.
“yea um, remus and i are dating” sirius said, lookinh flustered slightly. remus was still playing with his hair softly.
“does that mea we can go on double dates?” james said at once
“james potter i am not going on double dates with you and sirius thank you very much” lily said sarcastically.
“suit yourself, james and i are going on dates” sirius shrugged
“james and you are what-“ lily looked confused but cant help a laugh.
“thats right evans” sirius said in a dignified tone.
“dont you talk to my girlfriend like that black!” remus said at once. they all laughed at the sitiuation but lily said with a serious voice, “guys im so happy for you, youre finally together” she smiled wamrly. remus and sirius scooted closer next to each other smiling back at her.
“really proud of my mates” james said, trying to keep a serious tone but smirking at the same time.
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anti-endings · 4 years
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I’m fairly sure at this point that Naruto is more or less fascist propaganda. There are so many things that we as a fandom want to turn a blind eye to yet when SNK was called out for being fascist, we had no problem boycotting it because it wasnt an anime that we’d come to love throughout our childhood. Unfortunately Naruto was a lot more subtle and pulled a fast one on us towards the end - 14/15 years after its initial release. 
Theres a lot of intricate reasons as to why I’d call it fascist but I’ll list the general points to be made that everyone can easily recognize. 
• Genocide for the good of the nation. This one is pretty obvious but I thought I’d get it out of the way. Slaughtering possible defectors of the state is apparently an honourable and justified choice. Even if some members of the oppressed minority were completely unaware of their leaders planned coup or had no desire to revolt against the system, each and every single one of them apparently deserved death. 
• Brainwashing children into military violence goes completely unquestioned by the narrative. The only people who challenge this idea are portrayed as “hateful.” The best example of this is how the narrative feels the need to emphasize that Itachi murdering his clan was his own decision. I just find it awfully strange that we’re expected to believe that a 13 year old, who was sent to fight in a bloody war for his country when he was just a toddler and was shown to suffer from severe PTSD, apparently wasnt brainwashed with threats of war on his impressionable child brain when he was already completely numb to the concept of killing people. Itachis history details the story of a brainwashed child soldier yet goes to great efforts to brush it aside and give Itachi the autonomy that he never actually had. On a meta level it’s pretty messed up that Itachis actions as a result of his brainwashing, was praised by Hashirama Senju - the ultimate force of “peace” who founded the village and “the will of fire” that were so expected to admire. 
• Consistent denial of blatant military violence. In the manga, the truth about the Uchiha massacre is covered up by Naruto, Sasuke and eventually Sakura to “maintain honour of the Uchiha.” This makes absolutely no logical sense whatsoever. How is it more honourable to say that a clan was slaughtered by a rogue criminal of their own (further perpetuating the selfish, bloodthirsty and power-hungry stereotype) when the truth is that an oppressed group of people were slaughtered off by the government? How can an act of genocide be prevented by a future government when the truth is actively censored by the governemnt? Neither Naruto nor Sasuke did anything to implement some sort of bill of human rights, laws or Geneva conventions in honour of Uchiha to prevent more innocent bloodshed at the hands of the state.
• Ultranationalism at every opportunity. The village is literally gated off. No one enters or leaves without permission from authority. The unification of the village under the statist military + the slaughter of any and all potential defectors is pretty telling. Its scary that “the will of fire” and protecting the state is the only honourable and good goal/ideology to have in this series as shown by Sasuke only ever being seen as “not evil” when he is beaten down into conforming to the government.
• Evil is in the genetics of the oppressed. This was pretty unsettling to witness and I’m surprised there havent been more people speaking out about it. Ideologies are inherited not just by fate, but by your genetics. The Senju-Uzumaki obviously have “The will of fire” which is known to be the supreme ideology. It consists of uniting and enduring the hardships of the world under the totalitarian government but NEVER pursuing revolution or change for the better. “The curse of hatred” is its counterpart which has its origins exclusively to the Uchiha. Its explained to be Uchiha culture to some degree. The narrative very desperately tries to paint the pursuit of revolution to prevent more violence as evil, bloodthirsty and selfish. This, in reality, makes no sense. Why are the Uchiha hateful for trying to fix a situation for the better of their family yet somehow the senju arent characterized by hatred despite openly hating the Uchiha? Simply put, the Uchiha are GENETICALLY undesirable and their push for equal rights are characterized as hateful, selfish and lonely. In reality, Madara Uchiha would not become a rogue ninja who decides to attack the entire village including his own family with Kurama because he could not get equal rights for the Uchiha. This doesnt add up with why he was so angry in the first place. Non of the “bloodthirsty” actions of any Uchiha do. They’re a fictional race of people that are only evil by the design of the author to portray oppressed people as selfish and aggressive. Towards the end of the fourth war, the story of Ashura and Indra is told to Naruto and Sasuke. Indra is apparently the original Uchiha who was influenced by some deranged evil spirit to pursue power over unification for completely selfish purposes. This is very unfairly equated to Sasuke and the rest of the Uchiha clan to explain to audience that the Uchiha are inherently evil and selfish detractors. 
• To be a revolutionary is to be lonely. This ties into my last point. Sasuke is constantly referred to as lonely by just about everyone in the cast, Naruto especially. This has always been bothersome because Sasuke wouldnt have been lonely if his entire clan wasnt slaughtered by the very same people that Naruto stands by. This point is incredibly simple yet its overlooked because the anti-uchiha propaganda is so successful in what it sets out to do. To add onto this point, what if Naruto had simply said to Sasuke “I believe you have every right to bring the murderer of your clan to justice and I’ll stand by your right to justice every step of the way” instead of physically fighting him and screaming at him all the time? Sasuke isnt inherently lonely exclusively by his own means, he is alienated by everyone around him. The narrative acknowledges Sasukes emotional unfulfillment, IGNORES the real reason why hes lonely and then states that the only way that Sasuke will find a sense of family through the acceptance of his peers is if he conforms to the government and adopts the hegemonic ideology…. after “repenting” for ever daring to get justice for his clan in the first place. This eerie emotional blackmail is completely normalized and unquestioned by the narrative. It sends a harrowing message to the audience that it’s more desirable and fulfilling to conform to the government despite their poor treatment of your people and should you question otherwise, you must repent for forgiveness. 
• The leader of the village is the most powerful member of the military, who is chosen exclusively through nepotism by a rich man who owns the land instead of the people, and is in power for an indeterminate length of  time. Again with the military obsession! Not even necessarily the best military commander or anyone with experience in any leadership position at all. This is partly fascist due to the fact that theres no limitations on what a Kage can do to their village, they’re selected through nepotism and not democracy and they’re in power for as long as they please no matter how the public feel. The leader is not necessarily someone who is shown to be compassionate, responsible, trustworthy, intelligent or reliable. In fact, you could be a known, unpersecuted war criminal like Danzo and still get the position. 
• To add on to that, war criminals in the Government or Military go completely unpersecuted and often unpunished - as shown by Danzo and the village elders. The village elders are still in the same position during the events of Boruto as they were in over 20 years ago when they conspired to execute the Uchiha massacre. Naruto and Sasuke know of their involvement yet havent held them accountable in any way. 
• Child soldiers are sent to die for the government. It seems that only Obito notices this when Rin dies. The second he becomes critical of the fact of this reality is the second he becomes “hateful” and “evil." 
Theres plenty more but I’ve already spent an hour typing this up and checking over every little detail. Generally speaking, much like SNK, the theme of Naruto is to just simply ENDURE hardship, stay loyal to your government at all costs even if they cause the hardship and NEVER revolt. Naruto as a character serves as the purpose of being as reductive as possible to every single character that faces hardship with "I too was lonely and oppressed but I coped by worshipping the government for a sense of emotional validation and you can too!" 
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faorism · 3 years
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needing the au to drop wherein i can commit to writing a historical au,, because since i first watched the db cooper job my mind went straight to OT3! OT3! OT3! (unlike with the van gogh job, since i aint playing with that fucking lieutenant)
one day maybe one dayyyyy i will sit down and i will write the ot3 into that episode's story. so, it'll be the backgrounds for the characters in the flashback (so, stephanie ritter, steve reynolds, and reggie wilkins), but with the necessary personality adjustments (parker, eliot, and hardison respectively). basically, vintage ot3 with some hot as hell aesthetics and secrets and avoiding as much as possible producing copraganda.
so. my thoughts. what i see happening. and this got super long so im throwing this under a cut. and for ease i will call them by their modern day canon names except when making a point.
first, general thoughts about the characters.
and so: steve to eliot. nothing much here on the surface. eliot still volunteers, too much an indoctrinated white man to have been forcibly drafted. so its still one man gone to war. one man come back. eliot would had been noticed early in training for his ability to pick shit up, and they teased at maybe sending him to a special unit. maybe they do, or maybe they don't because they just need to funnel fuckers to the jungle. the vietnam invasion was a terrorist imperialist venture and there's no romanticizing from me about anything done being at all valorous or special or brother-in-arms'y. and eliot commits war crimes under the american stars and stripes instead of just to keep moreau's champaign running. but also maybe moreau is eliot's superior. he certainly would have been rewarded for this ruthlessness. (eliot of course strove to impress moreau because there aint an eliot spencer who wasn't that man's dog at some point, i!!!! dont make the rules). eliot's friend died and eliot's gone off to carry out his wishes and moreau lets him because he Knows eliot is gonna come back. whether its to come back to the same squad, or follow him into deeper spy shit for the military, or to fuck off and go private. then eliot meets parker.
now. stephanie to parker. beth plays normal so well im mad at her, but there's something edgy and strategic about stephanie that i think parker can grab onto. i feel that maybe she was kind of a thief still, but there's more realism to this world so archie wasnt a super secret spy with lasers to practice with, but just a guy with sticky fingers whos a little bored and wants a protege. parker is good really good at what she does, and not having to deal with lasers makes me easy. but she's into scams that are less grifts and more Catch Me If You Can slight of hands. she's always looking for easy money (she was into lifting cars at one point! literally she follows where the crime is). she's doing something in an airport and someone tries to recruit her as a flight attendant because she's got the Look. and yall, flight attendants? that shit was like being a model and an astronaut and a time traveler back then. and according to a teacher i had, who once worked as in the f.a. union, those ladies back in the day were rad and queer and free spirited and runnnnning shit. i think, yes, it's a Job which i think we might resist placing parker into. but! of the jobs, at the time, i really see her rocking it during the time period. (also come on, the opportunities to swindle distracted people of their shit would be endless. they would just think they dropped their stuff in the airport! not that it was stolen.)
finally, reggie to alec. i think hardison will be the hardest to translate. even tho i admittedly listen to a lot of true crime podcasts, i dont know much about fbi life and also definitely don't know about it historically. part of me desperately wants to put him somewhere else even if it does have to stay within the fbi. i might cheat and make him like a Q(uartermaster) to 007/00s like in james bond, and he's like UGH this is horrible god i hate working for the fbi but they will give me funding so...... anyway, here's this totally cool [radio term]. that said, if hardison is stuck in the fbi, why he ends up there is that he is a fucking savant when it comes to research and the man can put together a presentation like no one else. that white man gets all the credit for profiling but it was hardison who goddamn was the google of the microfilm days. reggie felt super square but that might be because he had to deal with mcsweeties db cooper shit day in and day out for years. hardison is more himself. and definitely still a nerd. alec would be into dime fantasy novels and comics and ham radios and oh god he also would be into star trek like the original star trek as it came out and he would be into the zines yes! yessss. omg. also he plays a mean arcade cabinet. but he's mostly well adjusted but lonely. his colleagues dont appreciate him because fbi esp during that time were fucking wilding out and racist as hell aaaaaand im sorry im srry im trying so hard to have fbi hardison make sense but also! acab. ANYWAY.
second, the relationship
i think it would be fun to play with what it means to have parker/eliot start off first and bring in hardison afterwards. (if white collar is your thing, it would be like this canon divergent ot3 fic wherein peter burke is the last to join in.) i feel they would be Super Intense esp since they are carrying this big ass secret. kind of broken and dysfunctional and there's the passion and the commitment, but i think there's also a tenderness that's super hard for them to achieve? and i think there's a way that hardison plays such an important part in who they are and how they are. like, sure i think parker/eliot would have joy but they won't have levity. they would have compassion but they won't have gentleness.
eliot meets hardison after being recruited by nate. i think they get close because while nate and eliot have an interesting and compelling mentorship/friendship, nate is still eliots superior; sometimes its nice to complain about your boss, as hardison will say to eliot to try to make friends. i think hardison and eliot would become legit friends and not just work buddies because they are just not cut out of the same cloth as the rest of their colleagues. they grab beers after work. after hard days, hardison cajoles eliot into going to the arcade. they are friends. real real truly deep best friends, in a way hardison didn't think he could have with a fed and eliot didnt think he would have after his friend died. but also? they are like "buds" who are buds who are desperately tryna to cross any lines because there's a.... tension? an UST between them they dont know what to do with.
parker meets eliot by way of a "lets have my friend for dinner, he's a blast." and immediately immediately hardison is like... wow this woman is beautiful but like, really attracted to her personality. and parker things hardison is kinda dorky but cute dorkie? anyway, they have a puppy love situation growing. and it keeps growing until bam. eliot and parker are like. are we into alec???? fuck we are aren't we.
i think stephanie and steve would never tell reggie (even if somehow they were to be a thing). but parker and eliot? hell yeah they tell hardison. eventually. after a while. sooner than maybe they should. the tension if they should say something is one of the things that build up as UST between them for so long; parker and eliot know they are carrying this huge thing. two huge things. eliot being db cooper and also their massive crush on him.
if i could control myself to stick to a pwp, it would be another christmas. maybe the christmas nine (more?) years down the road. the damn snow grounded hardison's flight back to his nana's, and parker and eliot hear this and invite him over. the egg nog gets flowing and parker eventually is like,, fuck this. and comes onto hardison. and hardison would be like wow wow what but... idk, free love and swinging were In The Thoughts And Minds Of The People. he still checks in with eliot who is like. her body, man; i aint gonna tell her what to do. and for a sec hardison is like, man is this a cuck situation? i guess i can be for it but also...... aint mad if i aint alone. and eliot is so grateful and idk. i just want them all to be happy and having fun and no one to be left out. and yeah i am kinda brushing over a lot of the racial politics which, in a more developed fic rather than a pwp, would definitely need to be brought in; but idk that needs to just be in the bedrock of whatever plot is going into this.
it takes a lot of maneuvering of their lives but they make it work and eventually hardison is a keeper of eliot's secret too.
(apart from the historical aspect, another reason i probably won't actually write this is because i know myself. i would want to do worldbuilding. i would follow eliot and alec to their jobs, but i wouldnt want to write outright copaganda. the grit/realism i would be comfortable with would take a level of research i dont think i can commit to. but if someone wants to take this up or if you figure out a way around this issue, pls do i wont be mad)
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zhuhongs · 4 years
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Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX) 
There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:
A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi  and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((
a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5  when it was rlly out of place and  there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.
a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy
OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write
also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.
ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.
Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.
Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme
Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-
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