#tomorrow i bring myself an early morning panic attack as i attempt to finish the german hw im currently procrastinating before class <3

[catboygogol]

hewwo frevblr! its been awhile but today i bring yall a scan of the l'Humanité special edition, robespierre et le peuple debout, that came out this summer!

[pollyrepents]

jumping jacks

A/N: Hi! This is my first Peaky Blinders fic! If anything is OOC, I do apologize. I had a panic attack, so I made Michael have one. I started myself off with Michael, Polly and an OC since I don’t feel too confident in my ability to characterize any of the Shelbys yet.

Warnings: Details anxiety/panic attack and brief mention of sexual abuse and blood. 

Word Count: 1.7k

The last time Michael’s teeth chattered so hard it was the middle of the summer a little more than two years prior to the moment he stood in. His little brother had fallen from the tree behind the church their mother shepherded them to every other Sunday when she had finished the baking early. Michael--he was still Henry then, was wearing his week’s cleanest clothes and his little brother tried his hardest to keep his pants clean as Michael chased him down the cobblestone road to the awaiting hymns and creaky wooden pews. They always sat in the back, whispering quietly to each other as their mother continued the well rehearsed dance of sit, stand, kneel and bowing her head in the second pew from the front. The moment he fell from that tree and didn’t spring up the way he usually did after a tumble down the creaky wooden stairs at home, Michael’s heart seized in his chest for a moment before the harsh thundering of his heart kicked up rapidly.

Now he sat on the steps in his pinstripe suit as his mother confessed the things weighing her down inside the dark confessional, his teeth chattering and hands trembling as he waited.

He could still hear the choking of Father Hughes if his breath quieted for too long. The shallow breaths could convince him that the same stench of copper and frankincense was filling his nostrils as it had that night, closing his eyes brought back the weight on his knees on that stone floor, the grip on his knife and dampening cassock between his fingers suddenly reappeared.

He could not stop reliving the murder he deserved to commit.

He had cornered him the same way Hughes had all those times. 

He had cornered him the same way he knew the bastard had cornered other little ones, countless others, under the guise of confession or a one-on-one sermon or monitoring their penance to make sure it was done properly.

No matter how much he convinced himself he deserved it, Michael couldn’t shake the weight from his chest.

“Michael!” 

He could have thought it was Polly if he had mistaken the excitement for urgency in the small voice that had called to him. It was accompanied not by the clicking of heels, but by the thudding of small shoes stolen handed down from an older brother figure or stolen from a smaller make believe niece that had told him his cousin Edith was making her way toward him. He looked up, the small girl’s cheeks rosy and spread with a wide smile as she raced toward him. 

“Michael!” She repeated, almost a cheer as she neared him.

He tried his best to pull himself together, standing up and stubbing out his disappearing cigarette under his foot to give his hands an excuse to dig in his pockets, searching for his case and lighter. His chest rose slowly as he tried to stop his shaking, his body fighting against the tweed of his waistcoat and the weight of his coat pressed against his chest.

“Hello, Edith.” He forced a smile for the sake of the little girl, the neighborhood rascal Polly had spoken fondly of throwing herself against his legs and wrapping her small arms firmly around them. 

“John said you were-” She panted loudly, her flair for the dramatics making Michael want to smile. “John said you were sad.”

“He did?” Michael spoke through his clenched teeth, afraid the rattling would startle the child. He looked down at her, raising his eyebrows as she pressed her chin into his stomach. “Why’d he said that, Edie girl?”

She narrowed her eyes, the corners of her lips turning upwards as she looked up at him. She looked at people too closely for Michael’s liking. She was nothing like his little brother had been-oblivious to others the way a child should be, only picking up on the big things that involved them. 

Not their little Edith.

Edith had managed to pick up on Tommy’s scrutinizing observation and John’s big mouth, two things he was sure Polly would have beaten out of them if she knew the little girl would soak them up like a sponge. 

“He said you were thinking a lot. The way he says I do when Tommy uses a tone or when Polly uses a tone when she catches me.”

“Doing something they’ve told you not to?” He felt himself smirk, taking a deep inhale of smoke. She nodded, pressing her cheek against the fabric of his suit and he dropped a shaky hand to busy itself trying to pull the visible knots out of her thick and curly hair, his blood thudding dully in his ears. 

He was sure it was braided this morning, he remembered John squeezing her between the desk and his chair as she whined and writhed and attempted to escape the man’s makeshift braiding workshop. He tried to conjure up the image again, a squirming child in the overly masculine betting den ten minutes after open because she moved too slowly, much to Tommy’s annoyance.

“John makes me do jumping jacks when I get sad.”

It was so muffled by her smushed cheek and his rattling breaths he almost couldn’t make it out.

“Say again?” He leaned back a bit to try to look at her face.

“When I get upset and my breathing goes all-” She panted heavily, moving her shoulders up and down for a moment as she did. “John makes me do jumping jacks. He tried to make Arthur do them but Arthur told him to fuck off-” her lips clamed shut at the slip of her tongue, and she looked up at Michael with wide brown eyes. 

“That’s just between us.” Michael felt himself wink, the little girl nodded and tugged gently on the wool of her sweater sleeves, bringing them over her cold hands. “Do them!”

Michael blinked his eyes in surprise.

“Come on, then!” Edith pried herself away from him, the lack of heat seemingly not bothering her in the chill of Birmingham’s winter. “He says twenty at a time.”

“Oh, and you can count to twenty now?” If it was teasing or trying to find a way out of a circuit of exercise on the street, Michael couldn’t tell.

“I can count to a hundred!” She puffed out her chest proudly. “I can count better than Finn.”

“So can little Katie.” Michael made the girl giggle at the mention of John’s youngest as he obliged, standing upright and tossing his cigarette to the ground. He moved his jaw a bit, his hand coming up to attempt to rub some tension away.

“Ready?” Edith bounced excitedly on her toes, nearly tipping over before Michael steadied her.

At his nod, she jumped and flung her arms up, her fingertips brushing together as she clumsily spread her legs out and snapped back together. Michael copied her movement, his a bit more agile than the ten year old’s. They repeated their action as Michael tried to ignore the quizzical looks of the passersby, Edith giggling happily as they bounced and she counted along proudly.

“Nine-”

“Where’s your coat, Edith?”

The small girl stopped abruptly, looking past Michael and up the church stairs. Polly walked down the stairs behind them, heels clicking on the damp grey stone as she pulled her scarf from around her neck. “You’ll catch a deadly cold out in this.”

Michael’s breath left him in puffs, his heart thundering in his chest but beginning to return to normal.

“I didn’t need one.”Edith panted, looking up at Polly as she fixed her scarf over the girl’s neck and shoulders the best she could. “I was running and I knew I’d get warm from it so I didn’t-”

“So John didn’t stop you, that’s it?” Polly pursed her lips as Edith looked to Michael for help. His mother turned on him and Michael tore his gaze from the soft brown eyes of the girl. “You could have wrapped her up in yours. I was only a moment.”

Michael cleared his throat. “We were warming up, anyways.” He slipped his hand into his pocket for a cigarette, cupping his hand around the end to light it. “Doing jumping jacks to keep her from running down the Lane. I figured everyone could do with a moment’s peace from Edith’s mayhem.”

Michael could see the little girl’s mouth open to declare that Michael’s told you a lie, Polly! The same way she had whenever Finn got away with a white lie on a whim, but she looked up at Polly with a grin that could clear Brimingham smog if she intended it to.

“My counting’s gotten good, Polly!” She clapped her small hands together, scrunching her nose up as Polly hummed. “Counted all the way up to a hundred without stopping.”

“Did you?” Polly humored the child, looking up to Michael with a soft hint of a smile.

Michael tilted his head to the side. “Close enough to it.”

Edith shivered against Polly, her teeth beginning to click together in the cold.

“Oh-see? Come on, Edith. Before the chill gets in there.” Polly softly tapped a finger to the left of Edith’s chest, grabbing a small hand in her own.

“Are we going to the Garrison, Polly?” She looked up at Polly then briefly down the road. “To see Arthur and them?”

“You’re going home, with me, for supper, Edith.” Polly gently tugged her hand as they started down the road at Polly’s pace.

“Wait!” Edith wrenched her hand from Polly’s practically throwing herself into Michael’s arms for a final goodbye.

“I’ll see you soon, Edith.” Michael lifted her up in a tight hug, taking a deep breath the same time she did, her weight against his front comforting and warm.

“Tomorrow.” She insisted, leaning back to press her clammy hands to his face. “We’ll play footy, with Finn.”

“Tomorrow.”Michael promised in the same tone he made business deals, no idea if he could fulfill it. “Footy. With Finn.”

“And biscuits.” She attempted to whisper, her small voice carrying.

“If-”

“If Polly lets us.” Michael interrupted his mother, raising his eyebrows at young girl in his arms before setting her down.

“Bye, Michael!” Edith skipped her way to Polly, her hand finding the older woman’s again.

Michael’s shoulders rose as he took a deep breath, taking in the smoke of the factories behind him and the dampness the morning’s snow had brought upon the cobblestone surrounding him. For a moment, there was no copper scent, no gurgling and no iron grip on holy clothes. 

Just Birmingham, for the moment.

Just home.

[nananaptime]

“Orange is your colour”

Written for the April prompt on Honey10 Amino

You just saw your crush volunteer to help kids paint eggs for the Easter egg hunt and being weak for that face, you now have to wake up early on a Saturday as well.

“Step one: breath in. step two: breath out. Step three: repeat and try not to make a fool of yourself.

Masterlist Rules

Genre: Fluff!!!!!

Word count: 1 393

Summary: Egg painting turned painting war...

A frustrated sigh left your lips as your little sister wouldn’t stop talking about the yearly painting of the eggs which the children of our town got to participate in. She was always this excited for the messy activity and normally, I found it endearing. However, she had been going on about it since Wednesday and wouldn’t stop nagging me about going with her.  

“Y/N! Please, it would be so much more fun if you accompanied me, everyone else will bring someone from home and if you won’t come, I’ll have to bring dad and he is so embarrassing in situations like this. Please!” She had even gone for the overexaggerated action of falling to her knees with her hands together in a begging gesture. “Besides, Jinhyuk is going to be there.” Making sure that my heart beating out of my chest wasn’t showing on my face. I rolled my eyes at her persistence but no longer saw a way out of her request. So, turning my gaze to her small frame once again, I released a tired sigh.

“Fine, but I won’t have any complaining about the mess your appearance will become once you're done.” She squealed and jumped me with a huge hug, multiple thank-yous spilling from her lips as she glued herself to me in a final showcase of gratitude. I chuckled at her childishness while patting her back with as much affection I could muster after a week of nagging. She may be annoying, but she’s still my sister.

The following morning was as stressful as ever, with my mother desperately trying to get some food into my dear sister while she herself attempted getting ready for work. May refused yet another spoon of cereal as she was too impatient to wait any longer for the painting to begin and my mother gave up, letting me know that she was going to work and that she left my sister in my care for the rest of the day before walking out into the warm weather. I knew that making my sister eat her breakfast was a dead end, so I just grabbed her hand and got her ready for the day, which was easier said than done as she was bouncing around like a bunny high on sugar. Eventually, we were finally out the door and on our way to the local park where the painting was going to take place, May jumping ahead and I lost in my thoughts, somewhat freaking out over the fact that Jinhyuk was going to be participating in the messy activity that lied ahead of me.

Jinhyuk has always been in possession of the ability of making me breathless just by being in my vision, his smile was brighter than the sun itself and his easy-going personality did not make falling for him any harder. May knew of my infatuation and was not scared to use it to get what she wanted, she had, on many occasions, threatened to make him aware of my feelings and therefore successfully having me wrapped around her finger.

“Y/N! Come on! We’re going to be late!” I shook my head at May’s energy level, knowing the soothing fact that she will sleep very soundly tonight was floating around in my head and gave me the motivation to catch up to her and walking into the park with her on my side.

I saw him instantly, standing tall in the middle of a hoard of children who were taking turns to get a piggy back ride from the boy whose sister stood by the sidelines, smiling proudly at her brother’s popularity.

“Ah, Y/N! I see May managed to convince you to join us!” Jinhyuk set the child down gently on his feet and jogged to meet me in the middle, a smile adorning his face like the feathers in the twigs. He greeted me with a hug, squeezing me tight against his body, causing his heartbeat to be felt through his shirt.

“It took a lot of nagging, let me tell you.” He laughed at my response, knowing exactly how stubborn I could be, especially considering the messy nature of the activity we were to be doing.

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun, who knows, once we’re finished you may be resembling an Easter egg yourself.” I scoffed at his joke and playfully punched him in the shoulder, complaining over the task of removing the inevitable stains I would get later on. He just laughed it off before picking up a giggling May and walking towards the park tables which were covered of different shades of paints as well as a dozen brushes and a bunch of eggs that were to be painted and later hidden for the egg hunt taking place tomorrow.

May was the first one at the table and with a brush in hand, she occupied herself with painting random pink dots on one of the many eggs. I sat between her and Jinhyuk who had picked up an egg and a brush and was now contemplating on which colour to use first. I studied him for a moment before deciding to help him in the hard task of deciding amongst such a big variety of options.

“Start with purple,” I said as calmly as possible while reaching for my own brush, intending on starting off with a nice green.

“Just because it’s your favourite colour.”

“Of course.” He laughed at my straightforward answer and dipped his brush into the purple liquid, not saying anything else as his attention had now been placed at the task in front of him.

The day was filled with laughing children and helping family members trying to make the task easier on the activity leaders. I had, on multiple occasions assisted my dear sister with painting eyes and beaks, wings and feet as she was dead set on being the most creative one present. I didn’t mind as much as I thought I would, mostly because Jinhyuk’s presence on my right was making this whole ordeal extra interesting but also because I found myself enjoying the activity, having been able to avoid getting colourful stains for the time being.

It was closer to four once I reached over towards the red colour which was situated on Jinhyuk’s right, accidentally nudging him on the arm with my brush as I retracted my position, leaving a big, red stain decorating his arm. He looked at it, seemingly shocked at what had happened, before meeting eyes with me. Before I could react, he had dipped his own brush in the orange by my side and dragged it from my wrist to my elbow. A small screech escaped my lips and I stared at him as he giggled at the sequence of events, ready with his brush in case I decided to attack, which I did. The park filled with giggles and laughs from the both of us as a full-on painting war broke out, him having grabbed the small bucket of paint and chased me around the trees, brush in the air like a lethal weapon. Eventually, my legs gave away and I tripped over air, rolling on my back while trying to catch my breath between my giggles, I was attacked once again by Jinhyuk who decided to straddle me and start painting vigorously on my neck, face and upper arms. Finally, he had enough, falling off of me and laying on his back by my side, breathing hard as he let the brush fall to the grass.

“Orange is your colour, you know.” I laughed at that, not knowing if I should take it as a compliment or a sign to attack him once again. The fatigue lacing my body decided for me and I didn’t move an inch from my position.

“Y/N! Jinhyuk! I know neither of you want to confess your feelings but come on. Even the kids can feel the love in the air.” Both Jinhyuk and I sat up from the grass like we had been electrocuted, starting to protest against the statement which had come out of Wooseok’s mouth. He just laughed at our panic. “You can discuss that later when you clean up the  mess you made.” And then he was off, leaving Jinhyuk and me to our thoughts and our feelings.

[themiddlelayer]

Therapy- EMDR Session #1

Tuesday was therapy night and we did EMDR for the first time. It involved holding little pods of sorts that buzzed in one hand then the other. I cried through the entire thing and at the end I was in such a panic that the session ran over almost 20 minutes so she could make sure I was okay to drive. I wasn’t... 

I knew I needed to eat but nothing that sounded good was going to agree with my stomach. The food stuff has gotten really bad this week. I’m forcing myself to eat but I get sick almost immediately after. I’m not throwing up, but I’m nauseous and getting heartburn and stomach cramps. I’m losing weight again... today the scale said 162. For reference I was in the mid-190′s before the quople. 

So I drove through town looking for places to eat, but I couldn’t bring myself to get out of my car and Panera was the only thing that sounded okay so I drove home. MM was out when I got there, which was a relief. I spent the rest of the night in my room crying and watching Vikings.

Wednesday morning I wasn’t much better. I woke up crying and had to force myself out of bed and into a shower so I could get it together to work. My class this week is a nightmare which only adds to the stress of it all. 

I made it through the day but cancelled the date night I’d planned with MM. He brought me tofu curry and I ate it on the couch while we watched The Daily Show. I was back in my room shortly after 8pm then attempted sleep around 9:30 pm. After a couple hours I gave up and finished reading “Geek Love.” My dreams were vivid and I had trouble getting out of bed again this morning. 

It’s Thursday night... Valentine’s Day.. and instead of doing something with someone I’m still at my desk. MM came home early to study for a certification test he’s taking tomorrow. He initially had a therapy appointment this afternoon but he cancelled it, which annoys me. He also cancelled his date with Queen Bee which was a big deal since she’s in town for work. 

Earlier this week he’d come home with salmon for me and steak for himself. He also bought a bottle of wine. He was acting like things were like they used to be... singing in the kitchen and being silly. He even swatted my ass before realizing he’d crossed a line. I gave him a look when I saw the wine and told him that I wasn’t comfortable with him drinking so if he chose to open the bottle that I would just go to my room for the night. He didn’t drink it, but he did drink wine last weekend while I was in Phoenix. He’s not showing me that he wants to really work on himself. 

I was chatting with Java Bear a few minutes ago and he asked me this: 

Do you ever have a moment of regret? When it comes to poly its brought you, me and Olive together but it's also cost you a lot both in heartache as well as your home life... do you have moments regretting opening yourself up to the idea? Do you have moments where you think it would be better or easier to just walk away and to focus on you and MM, not just in a taking a step back/break kinda of way but like seriously just walking away from us and poly as a whole?

This was my reply:

I've wanted 2 husbands for as long as I can remember... that was one of the things that came up in my therapy session. Something I've come to terms with is that 'working on just me and MM' is not the answer at all..He threw me a curve ball last week saying that he would go back to being mono and just work on us if that's what I wanted.. "but only for a little while because neither of us could stay monogamous" If he had said that in December I may have entertained the idea, but him saying that infuriated me... like... how dare he tell me this now that I've got something good with you and Olive. And fuck that. And fuck him. Like.. real anger.. and anger is not a go-to emotion for me. That's what we were working through with EDMR and I went into a full panic attack.. that conversation is where we started and it spiralled out into my history and how I've been treated by others and all of that crap... My therapist did suggest either stepping back from you and Olive OR spending more time up there. She sees what's going on and I can see her gently nudging me towards an end result that I'm not ready to cop to yet.. hence the panic attack. We stayed late by almost 20 minutes so she could make sure I was safe to drive. And I've been a mess ever since.

I’m trying to do something resembling self-care, but I barely have the energy to make it through the day. Right now, more than anything, I wish I was able to just throw my tower in my car and drive up to Phoenix. My boss approved me working from there so long as I’m within specs so it’s just a matter of when I can get up there to test things and get set up. 

I can’t even look at MM right now and I know he’s feeling it. He’s giving me space and I’m battling against my knee-jerk guilt over how he’s feeling. I’m going to eat a brownie and try to eat my leftover curry. From there, the best thing for me is to stay in my room and do some sequin stitching. 

Healing is hard fucking work and I’m already exhausted from it all. How the fuck do I keep going? 

[minahraven]

BTS Reaction - Gf tries to carry them to bed

Anonymous said:

Can you do a bts reaction to their girlfriend trying to lift them up to carry them to bed when she sees them sleeping on the couch but she’s too weak to carry them all the way over so she accidentally drops them?

 This one was super tricky, for some reason, but I hope you like it!! 

Min Ah

x

You had been working for hours on a new assignment and were starting to feel like your eyes were going to fall out from staring for so long at your computer screen. Turning to look at the clock, you were stunned to see that it was already nearly midnight. You knew you had neglected your boyfriend for the majority of the day, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to think about a movie or making love right now. All you wanted was to get to bed and fall asleep, preferably in your sweetheart’s arms. Little did you know, your work for the day wasn’t quite finished. You shuffled down the hall, yawning widely as you made your way into the living room and stopped abruptly. It seemed you weren’t the one who had tapped out early, as there lay your man, fast asleep on the couch.

A/N - All gifs belong to their respective owners. I’m not smart enough to make them myself :P

Jin

Jin may not have been muscly, but what he lacked in tone, he made up for in sheer mass. It wasn’t that he was overweight, he was just somehow a giant, broad-shouldered and built like a tree. You sighed in resignation as you headed over to the sofa and eyed him, trying to work out your plan of attack. There was only one thing you could think of. Bending down, you crouched beside the sofa and reached across him, rolling him carefully to drape over your shoulder. Stumbling to your feet, you began to make your way to the bedroom, only to feel your legs giving way just inside the doorway, the two of you toppling to the ground with Jin draped across your back. He yelled in shock at the impact and quickly scrambled to his feet, staring at you in disbelief. Holding out a hand to you, he helped you stand, face filling with concern when he saw how exhausted you looked. Immediately, he was the one lifting you, carrying you to the bedroom and laying you on the bed as gently as possible before lying next to you. He pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your forehead

“You’re so silly, baby. Why didn’t you wake me? Let’s just go to sleep and tomorrow I’ll make you breakfast in bed, hmm?”

 Jhope

The one thing about Hobi that you were most grateful for right now was his flexibility. It made it infinitely easier to lift him onto your shoulders, his light weight another blessing. You draped him around your neck like a scarf, hoping that you would be able to make it to the bedroom before one hand or the other lost its grip. You made it two steps. Then, all hell broke loose. You felt his hand slipping from yours and tried to grab it again, only to find that the attempt was in vain, as the second you released his hand to get a better grip, it slipped completely. It seemed as though time moved like molasses, Hobi’s body swinging by his ankle in a wide arc around your shoulders. The sudden tightening of your grip on his ankle woke him and he shrieked, struggling to break free and gain his feet. Instead, he broke your grip and went sprawling on the ground, leaving a large footprint on your face from his struggles. Immediately, he was on his feet again, kissing your cheek gently to try and soothe the pain that was causing your eyes to water. Once he realised you were okay, he couldn’t help laughing and pulling you into a tight hug, thanking you for your sweetness but asking that you never try to carry him again.

“Sunshine, you’re not strong enough! Is my girl’s face okay? I’m sorry, I just got scared when I was *snicker* staring at the ground.”

 Suga

It never ceased to amaze you just how easily Yoongi could fall asleep. Despite being half draped over the edge of the couch, his arm trailing on the floor and one leg up over the back cushions, he was clearly out cold. Carefully slipping the remote from his hand, you switched off the tv and eyed him, trying your best to figure out how to carry him. Finally, you decided to simply try for what seemed to be the easiest approach, or at least the least complicated. Bending down, you pulled his legs closed, draping his arms over his chest, and hooked your arms under his legs and back. You took a deep breath and slowly straightened your back, squealing as you overbalanced and toppled backwards, landing with your beloved boyfriend draped awkwardly across you, with your face in a very…compromising position.

The impact woke him up and he looked around in confusion, trying to figure out what had happened. Finally, he realised he was laying on top of something and looked along his body, seeing yours sticking out from under his as you flailed, trying to free yourself. He rolled carefully off you, leaving you gasping for the breath the fabric of his jeans had been blocking, and sat up, helping you up as well and trying not to laugh at your comical expression.

“Next time you want me, just say so. Don’t tackle yourself with my crotch!”

Namjoon

It didn’t really surprise you to see Namjoon lying there, a book spread open on his chest and head bowed, the glasses he claimed to only wear for fashion barely perched on the tip of his nose. He had been passing out nearly every night lately, completely oblivious to the world around him until he woke at last sometime during the night and made the trip to the bed you shared. This time, you weren’t having it. He couldn’t possibly be getting quality rest the way he was lying, and you dreaded what would happen when the exhaustion finally became too much for him. You were still haunted by the last time your beloved had let work occupy all his waking hours, never again wanting to see your usually strong boyfriend breaking down in tears of exhaustion.

Tiptoeing over to him, you carefully eased the glasses from his face and set them on the coffee table, tucking a piece of paper inside his book and placing it beside them for morning. You tenderly brushed the hair from his face, kissing his forehead before looping his arm around your shoulders and attempting to pick him up. It took a few tries, but eventually you were on your feet, Namjoon securely cradled in your arms. Shuffling slowly toward the door, you thought you were home free until your toe caught in the rug. Attempting to loosen it, you shifted your weight to the opposite foot, regretting it immediately as it gave way and you dropped to the ground with an almighty thud, crying out as Namjoon’s full weight crashed down on your arm. Immediately, he was awake, looking around in a panic, only to see the tears streaming down your face and your spare hand cradling the shoulder you had wrenched. In seconds, he had darted to your room, gathering every pillow and soft thing he could find and scurrying out to the living room with it, building a nest on the floor and settling you comfortably in it before joining you, gently stroking the pained shoulder and kissing your forehead.

This right here is why this man is my bias wrecker

“Who needs a bed? I have my girl, my pillows…what more do I need?”

Jimin

You couldn’t help the fond smile as you gazed at your little mochi, flopped over the couch as though he had simply collapsed the moment he arrived home, instead of the hours he had spent watching his favorite shows. He deserved the rest though, and you were glad to see him relaxing for once. The only problem now was how to get him from the couch, which you were sure was going to leave him sore by morning, to the bed. You weren’t exactly weak, but carrying your boyfriend wasn’t really a daily occurrence for you.

After a few minutes of staring at him, trying to figure out the best approach, you decided to simply go for it and try to use the ‘bridal style’ lift everyone always talked about. Hiking him into your arms, you began to stumble toward the bedroom, wobbling this way and that despite your attempts at a straight line. You were halfway down the hallway when you lost your balance, falling against the wall with a thud, both from your shoulder and Jimin’s head. The almighty shout from your boyfriend startled you and you tripped, sending him flying to the floor. He landed in a heap, the impact bringing him to full waking as he stared at you before looking toward the bedroom door, shocked but oddly impressed that you had made it so far. He hadn’t known you were as strong as that, and he found it strangely attractive. Pushing to his feet, he wrapped his arms around you with a smirk, pulling you close and pecking a kiss on the shoulder you had hit on the wall before adding another to your lips.

“My girl’s so strong! Let’s get to bed, baby. I think I owe you for being so sweet.”

Taehyung

You weren’t really that surprised to see Taehyung fast asleep on the couch, one leg draped over the edge and tv remote clutched tightly in his hand. Though he was a ball of energy most of the time, when evening came, it seemed like all he had the strength to do was watch his favorite animes, eat dinner and head to bed. You felt a twinge of sympathy as you watched his chest rise and fall, wishing you could do something to help him more. It seemed like being a bright spark for the group drained him more than most would realise, and you couldn’t help wondering how on earth he did it. The ‘alien’ was always so cheerful, no matter how exhausted he was, almost rivalling Hoseok for the role of the sunshine of the group.

You didn’t want to wake him, knowing how hard it could be for him to get to sleep sometimes once he woke, so you carefully snaked an arm under his back, holding him against your chest as your other arm curved round his legs, his torso wrapped around yours. It wasn’t the easiest of positions for carrying him, but it was the most convenient. However, you failed to consider what a dead weight Tae could be when he was asleep. You had barely taken three steps when your grip began to give way and he slipped straight through your fingers, landing with a crash on the floor. He was awake in a flash, eyes darting around to see what the ‘danger’ was. When he spotted you, looking down at him with a sheepish smile, he groaned, hand moving to his face in mock anger. It only took a moment before he was no longer able to feign disappointment, arms reaching up for you with a grin. Dropping down beside him, you rested your head on his shoulder as he cuddled you close, not caring that he was sitting on the floor, only wanting to be close to his baby.

“Why on earth do I put up with you? You’re too cute for your own good.”

Jungkook

Jungkook’s love for his job came at a price. On his rare days off, it wasn’t unusual to find him asleep in whatever position he had found himself most comfortable, and today was no different. On his stomach, with his legs half on the floor, he didn’t look remotely comfortable, but the snores resonating around the room seemed to indicate otherwise. You weren’t at all sure how to get him to bed, considering he was pure muscle and therefore a lot heavier than the usual bundles you had to carry, but you had to try.

Hooking an arm under his waist, you carefully maneuvered him until you had his body arced over your shoulder and put all your strength into lifting him. It took a few attempts, but eventually you had a relatively safe balance, leaning your weight to one side so that you could adjust your centre of gravity to compensate for the extra weight on the other. Beginning to take one shaky step after another, you felt yourself off-balancing, speed picking up as you stumbled forward. You were falling, that much was sure, and if you weren’t careful, Jungkook would be landing headfirst. Shifting your weight, you managed to twist as you fell, so that you hit the ground first. With a pained yelp, you curled into a ball, letting Jungkook tumble to the ground beside you as you nursed the hip that had taken the weight of both of you. Even with the sound and the impact, it took a few seconds for Jungkook to wake, looking around sleepily in confusion before spotting you beside him. He quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes, and looked you over, easily working out what had happened. With a soft chuckle, he picked you up as if you weighed no more than a feather and carried you the rest of the way to the bedroom, setting you on the bed and massaging your injured hip gently to try and ease the pain.

“I’m so sorry I fell asleep. You should have just woken me, instead of risking hurting yourself like that.”

[theygotmewhipped]

Skin - 5. Hospital

Word Count: 3 876

The day off. I finally have a day off and the exact same day he has to start his day early with loud ass music.

I barged into his room. “Are you for re…?!” I stopped in my tracks. I stared at him with mouth a gap, holding onto the doorknob completely frozen. Chanyeol was sitting on his bed with a guitar, entirely naked, reciprocating the same wide eyed gaze. We stared at each other for a while before I spoke up. “So you are a musician, huh?” I pushed out of my mouth awkwardly.

“You sleep without pants.” He answered in a daze, gazing below my face. I looked down and hurriedly pulled my T-shirt as low as possible over my laced underwear. I was so pissed off he woke me up that I haven’t even realized I’m almost naked.

“Fuck you, Chanyeol!” I yelled and ran out of his room.

As expected, breakfast was awkward. Both of us avoided making an eye contact and neither of us said anything. We sat across each other in silence. Not that we usually talk but Chanyeol always tries to make a conversation while I let out annoyed sounds like an aggravated walrus in the morning. However, this silence was making me more uncomfortable than his friendly attempts.

“So what are you up to today?” I looked at him. It sounded more forceful than I thought it would. I really suck at small talk. Chanyeol looked up from his plate still looking like an animal about to be slaughtered and gulped down the food.

“I’m going to hospital.” He somewhat carefully answered like he was scared of me or something.

“Are you sick or hurt somewhere?” I knitted my brows. He looks perfectly fine to me.

“Are you worried about me?” His face lit up. My job here is done, he’s back to being his babyself.

“As if. I just want to be sure that I won’t catch something from you.” I rolled my eyes.

“No need to worry, only thing you can catch from me is a smile.” He smiled so hard that his cheeks popped out like small pillows. “I’m going to children’s hospital to cheer them up a little. You know like a charity work or community service. I’m gonna play them some songs. That’s why I was practicing this morning. Bring them toys. Play with them for a while. Poor kids have to spend their childhood in the hospital without knowing if they’re ever gonna leave that awful place so why not make them a few pleasant memories and bring smiles to their faces at least for a brief moment.” He talked on and on. I just stared at him with a blank expression. He really is strange. He doesn’t even know any of those kids. Why would he waste his own time on someone who has no future and few months to live at best just to make them smile? What kind of thinking is this? What does he gain from it? Nobody is selfless enough to do something without expecting something in return.

“Why would you do that?” The question slipped out of my mouth without me even realizing it until Chanyeol stopped talking and his smile fell off his face.

“Do what?”

“Waste your time on something so useless.” No sooner have I said it his face clouded with anger for the first time since we met.

“Says the one who spends hours a day watching Netflix.” He criticized me.

“At least it gives me something in return. What do you get for faking a smile in front of dying children giving them false hope for better tomorrow?” I attacked him.

“I’m not faking anything! I-” he took a deep breath. “You know what, why don’t you come with me and experience it for yourself?” he offered me kindly, his anger forgotten. “Maybe you’ll finally at least peek out of that shell you live in so comfortably.” He stood up and cleaned after himself.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” I snapped at him. He gave me a brief annoyed glance and went to his room. Why is he so angry just because I asked him a normal question? And what was the shell thing supposed to mean? I don’t live in any goddamn shell. What an asshole.

I finished my breakfast and sat down to play some video games. I was about to complete another mission when Chanyeol stepped in front of the screen.

“Shit, move away, fuckface!” I tried to see around him.

“We’re leaving.” He pushed the shutdown button on the TV.

“Hey!” I exclaimed. “What are you even talking about?” I put away the controller.

“The hospital. We’re leaving.” He simply answered. Usually he is more talkative.

“I never said I was coming with you.” I frowned.

“I don’t care.” He stepped closer and grabbed my hand. “You are going with me.” My hand started itching from his touch. He pulled me up and dragged me into the hallway. Whoa, who is this guy and what did he do to the bubbly Chanyeol I’ve lived with so far.

“Wait, wait, wait.” I rammed my feet to the ground, trying to pull away from him. It didn’t do much to slow him down or to free myself, but he eventually stopped. I stared at my hand that was by now completely engulfed in flames that were slowly spreading further. I have to make him let me go or else this will get ugly. “Okay, fine, I’ll go with. Let me brush my teeth and change out of my pajama at least.” I gave in. He finally let go off my hand, stopping the flames but leaving it throbbing with the lingering feeling of his touch and walked into the living room.

“Make it quick.” He said sternly and plopped down on the couch. Well, angsty Chanyeol sure is a new. Why did I even give in for fucks sake? I really don’t wanna go to a place where people die and everything smells like bleach. But if I opposed he would probably just grab me and carry me there like a sack of potatoes since he’s so adamant about it and I really ain’t risking that. Him grabbing my hand out of nowhere was enough.

“I’m ready.” I stood in front of him all dressed up.

“Took you long enough.” He muttered. Geez, where is the I wanna shine brighter than the sun Chanyeol? Who is this gloom?

Chanyeol drove us to the hospital and then led me inside. The second we entered the ward, few kids spotted us and ran up to us.

“Yeolie! Yeolie!” “Did you come to play with us again?” “Will you play us that song you played last time?” They talked over each other. How often does he come here? I stood behind Chanyeol peeking from behind his back to not get too close to the kids.

“I’m gonna play whatever you want me to.” He said cheerfully, bending down a little. “But you have to let me get through first, okay? I have to tell aunt Hana I came to visit.” So I get a cold shoulder ever since the morning and now he’s all honey. I looked at the kids as we walked to the nurses’ office. Some wore bandages, some didn’t have any hair, and few walked around with drips. I really hate hospitals.

“Oh, Chanyeol, you are here again.” A young nurse welcomed him with a huge smile. Then she spotted me and her smile froze. “And you brought a…” she waited for him to finish. I couldn’t help but smirk. She’s head over heels for him. This is hilarious. I bet she thinks I’m his girlfriend. I wonder what would happen if I said I were his girl. Watching the hope for getting him slowly disappear from her face. I’d love to see that… Oh, wow, I’m quite a horrible person when I think about it. I won’t do it though. Chanyeol’s mad enough as it is. I’m not gonna ruin him a potential relationship. Not after I ruined his first kiss. I’m not that evil. Although he seems to be kind of oblivious to the fact that she likes him.

“This is my friend Yumi.” Friend? What are you talking about, boy?

“Just a flat mate actually.” I corrected him. “Nice to meet you.” Her relief was noticeable from miles away.

“Nice to meet you, Yumi. I’m Hana.” She politely smiled at me. “The common room is ready so you can play with the kids there. I’m sure you know the way. I’ll come check up on you when I’m done with some paperwork.” I watched her as she blushed the whole time she talked to Chanyeol. Who gets flustered talking about something so trivial?

“Alright, see you later then.” Chanyeol smiled at her and left the office. Geez, she looks like she’s about to melt in to a puddle.

“Can I cra…?”

“Yumi, let’s go!” I wanted to stay in the office but Chanyeol came back for me and dragged me out. We walked through a hallway into a room that looked like classroom in kindergarten. Bunch of kids were already there. “So what do you want to do first, munchkins? Play some games or create something?” Upon seeing Chanyeol everyone’s face lit up.

“Sing us a song!” A little girl yelled. And here comes my headache. Why are children always so loud?

“Okay, Sally. But first I’ll introduce you someone.” Chanyeol had a permanent smile plastered on his face. “This is my friend Yumi. She’ll have fun with us today as well.” He put his hand on the back of my neck. I stepped away from his touch and forcefully smiled.

“Hi.” I waved at the kids.

“Hello, Yumi.” They said in unison. Um, that’s creepy, I want to go home.

Chanyeol took out his guitar from the sleeve and sat down on the chair in the middle of the room. Kids sat down in a half circle around him watching him intently as he strummed first accords. He covered Day6’s I Wait acoustically singing it in his own way giving it a completely different and unique vibe. I stood leaning against the wall watching over the whole scene. The younglings were mesmerized by him and he looked blissful, smiling the whole time, his eyes sparkling looking from kid to kid. I think, I haven’t seen him like this, yet. He’s always happy and hyped and all but this time he’s completely shining and radiating positive energy around himself. Is it the kids or the music that makes him so joyful?

During the chorus he turned to look at me, and all the gazes from the kids followed. Fuck, don’t stare at me, you dirty little things. It’s making me nervous. I looked at Chanyeol in panic but he was looking like a small innocent baby at me which made a shiver run down my spine. Great way to make me uncomfortable. Thanks, Chanyeol. With faked smile I quietly urged the kids to watch Chanyeol instead. My attempt was successful and I slid down the wall in relief. I wish I was somewhere else. Preferably alone on a deserted island. I closed my eyes and tried to relax a little. As I was taking deep breathes I focused on Chanyeol singing. He’s actually pretty good and his voice is so soothing.

Before I knew it, he was done with the song.

“Now kiddos, choose what you wanna do.”

“Sing us another song!”

“I will after lunch, now we are gonna play some games, okay?” He made the decision for them.

“Yay!” The kids started to banter about what to do. I was still zoned out leaning against the wall.

“You are smiling.” A soft voice came out right next to my ear a breath hitting my skin.

“Huh?” I opened my eyes in shock and moved away from the source. “What are you doing?” I scowled at Chanyeol who was squatting next to me.

“We’re going to play some games. You should take part as well.” He stood up and went over to the group of kids. Can’t I just lie down somewhere and sleep? I sighed and stood up. Out of nowhere a girl tugged on my sleeve.

“Yumi, Yeolie said you can braid my hair.” I looked over at Chanyeol who was encouraging me with his face to do it. I rolled my eyes and pushed corners of my mouth up.

“Sure, honey. Would you like one or two braids?” I asked the girl.

After a lifetime of games of all kinds, some I’ve never played before, it was finally lunchtime. We moved to a dining room and sat down. There are actually a lot of kids. It didn’t appear that way since they went in and out of the procedures and check-ups while we were here. Do they spend every day like this? Living in a sterile prison with needles and scalpels surrounded by strangers in white coats. That shit must be traumatizing. They don’t even get to play outside like healthy kids or go to school with their peers, trying stupid things like playing pranks or jumping from a tree. And yet these shitheads are smiling. Well, they are probably high on some drugs but still… They live such horrible and painful lives, my problems look trivial compared to theirs and yet…

I see why Chanyeol would want to make their stay here at least a little more pleasant but I don’t get why he would do it for free out of his own generosity and so often that the kids remember him. Maybe he comes here because of that nurse to win her over. Although it seems like he accomplished that a long time ago. Or there is something else I am not seeing. I looked over at Chanyeol. What are you keeping hidden behind that smile?

The lady on a kitchen duty brought out plates with food one by one. When my plate landed on the table I couldn’t hide my disgust. Do they really feed them this vomit? I wouldn’t force this even on my worst enemy. I bet that if I smacked it on the ceiling it would stick to it like a glue. I looked around if anyone was actually eating it. Few kids were forcing it down their throat out of hunger but other than that everyone just stared at it.

Someone from the hospital staff is probably gonna throw me out of the window for this but screw it. I stood up. “Who wants pizza?” I called out to the kids. As expected, I received a jubilation.

“Yumi, what are you…?”

“Shut up, Chanyeol. Does this crap look eatable to you? No wonder those kids aren’t healthy when they feed them this.” I pointed at the weird goo living on my plate.

“And pizza is healthy since when?” He questioned me.

“Geez, Loey. Can’t you appreciate my effort at least? It’s still better than this unidentified laying object. Not to mention that pizza is like having a lobster for dinner to these kids. Don’t you see how excited they are?” In reality I’m doing this more for myself than those brats but this is better justification.

“I guess…you’re right. But who’s gonna pay for it? It’s quite a lot of pizza to feed them all.” He grimaced. I’m an idiot.

“I’m gonna pay it. It was my suggestion after all.” I’m even bigger idiot. I think this will make up for my good deeds for next five years at least. “Alright everyone, write down what kind of pizza you want. Those who can’t write or have never eaten pizza come to Chanyeol and he’ll help you.” I shouted for everyone to hear. Chanyeol just judgmentally stared at me for giving him work I should be doing. Someone has to do it and it’s not gonna be me, I’m the brain so he can be the muscle, which he is. Meanwhile I’m gonna cry in the corner for all the money I’m gonna have to say goodbye to.

After the pizza arrived everyone happily dug in. There was a loud banter as kids exchanged pieces of different pizzas and talked over each other. My stomach was warm with satisfaction as I stuffed my face.

“What is this? Who ordered the pizza?” Hana’s voice filled the room. Oh, shit. I almost choked. Chanyeol looked at me with shaming look. I glared at him and quickly went over to Hana.

“Oh, hey, Hana.” I tried to sound nice. “You see, I bought the pizza for the kids, because I couldn’t look at the shitty stuff you call food here. Is there a problem with that?” I lightly put my hand on her back, carefully not to trigger my defense system and pushed her out of the dining hall.

“There will be a problem if the doctors find out. They should eat only what they are given.” She sounded panicked.

“Well, I gave it to them so no problem, right?” I tried to ease up the situation.

“But some of them have special diets and…” She was out of it.

“Shh, don’t worry, everyone got only what they can eat.” I think. “Nothing’s going to happen to them. Let them have at least a taste of what normal life looks like.” I silenced her. Well, it’s more like I guilt tripped her and used her affection towards the children but the result was the same.

We finished the lunch and returned to the common room to play again.

“Chanyeol, Yumi, come play Twister with us.” One of the older kids called us.

“Okay, let’s play.” Chanyeol shrugged and helped to set up the playing field.

“I’m sorry but I won’t play.” I looked with terror at the colorful dots.

“What are you talking about, of course you will.” Chanyeol frowned at me.

“I…I just…can’t.” I shook my head, glanced at Chanyeol.

“What do you mean? Why can’t you?” Chanyeol approached me with a fazed look. I was backing off from him the whole time and when he got too close I ran out of the room in panic. I sat down on the floor in the hallway and started hyperventilating. If I played it would be a disaster. I would traumatize those kids even more than they are.

“Yumi!” Chanyeol stepped into the hallway. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” He crouched down in front of me.

“Yes, I’m fine. It’s just- I just can’t.” I could feel my eyes sting. Fuck, I can’t start crying. Not now, not here.

“Why? What’s wrong?” He gave me a concerned look. Should I tell him? I glanced between his eyes. He would think I’m crazy and drag me into the psych ward. It’s not even that far from here.

“Nothing.” I answered way too quickly. “Nothing is wrong.” I said more calmly. “I just can’t, okay?” I was pressing my back to the wall. He closed his eyes and sighed running his fingers through his hair and tugging on them.

“Alright.” He looked at me. “Sorry I pushed you.” He stood up. “When you feel like it, come back inside.” He went back into the room. I kept staring behind him taken aback by his calm reaction. That was considerate of him. Even though he’s been angry with me most of the day he still acts like this towards me. Why is he so kind all the time? What a fool. I took a few minutes to calm down then stood up and brushed the dust off my butt.

“So who wants to draw some pictures with me?” I entered the common room. Bunch of kids got into the idea and I set up a drawing circle on the floor.

“What should we draw?” A boy asked me.

“Let’s see…How about you draw something nice for your parents? You can give it to them when they come visit you.” I can’t imagine spending childhood without parents away from home. They were always there for me even when everyone else left. These kids have no one to lean on. They can’t just go to their mom when they have a nightmare. These kids were robbed of their childhood and basic pleasures of life and yet they keep on going and making the most of what they have. Whereas I have everything I need and still complain about unimportant things like Chanyeol making noise. Maybe this is what he meant with that shell. I looked over to where Chanyeol was playing with other kids. He was laughing with them on something, tickling them and giggling when they accused him of cheating. I found myself lightly smiling while staring at them. Suddenly Chanyeol looked up at me, sweetly grinned and waved at me. Fuck, I’ve been caught staring at him. I briskly turned my head down to the empty paper and grabbed a pencil, trying to overwrite the embarrassment on my face.

Absentmindedly, I let my hand draw some circles. What should I draw? I observed the circles trying to come up with an idea. After a minute or so I internally screamed and bobbed my head back.

“Huh?” Chanyeol’s guitar came into my sight. Could it be…? I started drawing again.

“That’s pretty good.” Chanyeol looked over my shoulder. I flinched and crawled away. “It’s time to leave, Yumi.” He offered me a hand to help me stand up.

“Um, alright.” I stood up on my own ignoring his hand. We said goodbye to the children, took our things and left. We were almost out of the ward when a girl came running after us.

“Wait, I have something for you.” We looked down at her and waited for what she had. “I draw this for you and Yeolie.” She handed me a picture with a smile.

“Thank you, but don’t you wanna give it to your mom or dad?” I took the paper disintrested.

“I don’t have parents.” She said dejected.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Way to be an untactful asshole, Yumi.

“It’s okay. I have a lot of friends here and you two as well.” She was happily swinging on her feet. She’s just met me today, how can she call me a friend just like that? So naïve. I blankly stared at her not knowing what to say. Meanwhile Chanyeol took the picture from me and looked at it.

“It’s really pretty. We will put it on the fridge to see it every day.” He grinned at her. “You can draw something again next time, okay?” He petted her head. She nodded and hugged us both around the legs. I froze in the place looking down at her with wide eyes. It took everything in me not to push her away and escape from here. She’s just a child, she can’t harm me, right?

“Bye, Yeolie. Bye, Yumi.” She then waved at us and ran away.

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol asked me since I was still stiff in the same position.

“Yes! Stop asking me that!” I barked at him and walked out.

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See you again soon xx