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#tomorrow will be. a lot of texting and emailing back.
bugmistake · 4 months
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ive gotta. get it together a little bit i think. holy shit i really did not mean for the tags to get THAT long
#i have a colin provolone in ny head rn. i just need you to lock it in a liittle bit.#it’s just the worst possible time.#i do actually have to do the hard scary stuff.#and i am fully capable of doing them and i am a competent adult even if i’m realizing need a little more support than i’d like to admit#and actually i feel much much better after those things are done#and ACTUALLY i’ve also made a lot of progress!! i think 14 year old me would be like. shocked to see the person i am now#but either way. gotta lock it in a liiiittle bit.#tomorrow will be. a lot of texting and emailing back.#a lot of ‘hi sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you!’s tomorrow#AND ONE PHONE CALL. im way better at those now! pretty cool!#also getting my car inspected this week. miiiiight need to bring a friend for that one#sometimes i get scared at the mechanic because there’s always a 90% chance that one of the mechanics will be the most drop dead gorgeous ga#**gay person#person ive ever seen in my life and then i have to be like uhhhhh. ahahaha. heres my shit ass car with the elvira and snoopy#bumper stickers on it. thanks so much!#OKAY. alright. hello. hyping myself up for the rest of the week#ive been a little bit off kilter bc i didnt have a whole lot of structure last week or this one since my classes ended#but im feelin a little more optimistic#i am a competent adult who is good at his job and has many good qualities and frankly he is getting hotter and more confident also as well.#<- affirmations btw.
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queers-gambit · 1 year
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God's Plan
prompt: your boyfriend carries the worst parts of his job home, bringing to life one of your deepest-seeded insecurities. or when Carmy calls you clingy.
pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader pairing: Carmy x Peach
fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear
collection masterlist: Clingy Baby
word count: 3.3k+
note: she's short. she's to the point. author doesn't want to hear a GODDAMN THING about "glorifying" toxic relationships. shut the fuck up, eat your cereal, read the fic or just scroll away.
warnings: cursing, small angst, short fic, author mildly gave up, hurt with no real comfort, allusion to toxic family relationship, insecurity, not edited.
part two: Two to Tango
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"Hey, what're you still doin' here?"
You glanced up from your computer, smiling at your coworker, "Just trying to get the study notes finished so they can be used for the analysis."
"Okay...? But you realize what time it is, right?"
You hummed, glancing at the analog clock, "Just about 7?"
"Yeah, so, go home," she chuckled. "Work's still gonna be here tomorrow."
"I'll see you then," you dismissed softly, watching her smile and turn away from your desk. You tried to get back into work, but the truth was, you felt overly burned out, but still wanted to work because it'd make you feel better being "good" at your job.
So, in reality, you didn't get home until 10:56 pm, yet still beat Carmy. You ate something simple, cleaned up, got a shower, and crashed into bed. You didn't know the time, but Carmy eventually came home; his arm heavy around you when settling for sleep.
You were the first up and out the door the next morning, just barely seeing Carmy when he got up for coffee. You managed a single kiss before rushing away, needing to get to work on time. When you got there, your entire morning was blocked for client meetings, then you took lunch, later, team meetings, and then the last hour or so of work was meant for individual recreation.
Another day of staying late, trying to finish work you thought was important. Another day of getting home late, missing your man, going to bed, and only seeing him the following morning.
However, this time at work, your boss told you that the analysis meetings were pushed back by a week... So, technically, you stayed late and busted your ass for no literal reason! And your coworker's entire cup of coffee spilled on you. And your Outlook email was under maintenance, so, you couldn't really work. And then, to top off a really shitty week, your car was hit in the parking lot and now had a huge fucking dent.
You were beat.
You were overwhelmed.
You were miserable, stressed, righteously confused.
You didn't stay late that night. Instead, you left at a normal hour and texted Carmy:
what time do you think you'll be off?
He replied when you got to your car:
maybe around 8?
You sniffled, nodding, answering:
okay, see you when you get home.
As you exited the parking lot, he replied:
what? you're off?
And you answered:
yeah, couldn't stand being there much longer. think you could get off a little early?
When you made three turns, he sent back:
i'll try, peach 💙
When you got home, you felt utterly defeated. Life felt like a never ending shitshow that refused to alleviate most of the stress you forced to endure. You were in tears by the time you got in the door, angrily stripping and getting a long, hot shower. You cried a little longer. When you got out, you got dressed in cozy shorts and one of Carmy's sweatshirts; going about a few household chores when you realized it was already past 9.
You didn't really want to, but you texted Carmy again,
hey, are you gonna be much later?
You made a simple meal, eating it in silence. When you were doing dishes, Carmy answered,
i don't know, going over menu items with syd. text you on my way home
You just went to bed, exhaustion from the week catching up to you.
Sometime later, you felt Carmy crawl into bed beside you. You were only half awake, but still turned over and nestled into his chest, hearing him sigh. "You're home late," you mumbled.
"Sorry f'wakin' you, Peach," he whispered, pecking your forehead. "You good, baby?"
"S'been a long fuckin' week," you squeezed him.
He sighed, "Sorry it was rough, Peach, but hey, hey, back up a little, 's kinda warm."
"But I haven't seen you."
"I know, but it's just warm. We'll cuddle in the morning, okay?" You only sighed and turned back over to face away from him. You resettled with your pillow, just settling when he asked in a hardened tone, "You mad?"
"No, Carmen, go to sleep."
"You sound mad."
"I'm not."
"I don't mean to piss you off, it's just been a long night f'me and I don't want to cuddle right now," he said in a sharp tone that made your stomach coil and churn.
"Shut up, I'm not mad, Carmen, go to sleep."
He scoffed, your irritation spiking. "You're really fucking mad 'cause I don't want you laying on me right now?"
"No, Carmen, Jesus - "
"Callin' me fuckin' Carmen doesn't help," he snapped.
You sat up and turned to him, "You want me to be mad? Maybe I'm a little pissed off that I've barely seen my boyfriend this week! Not like you've made an effort to speak to me, but I've had a pretty shitty time at work, too - so, excuse the fuck outta me for feeling disappointed!"
"Disappointed in fucking what, Peach? In not wanting t'cuddle right now?"
"Maybe, yeah! I'm upset, stressed out, maybe I just wanted some comfort, God! Now you're all up in arms, I just wanted to go to sleep - but no, you want to pick at me!"
"Oh, Jesus, fucking Christ! You couldn't just talk to me about you having a shitty week, you gotta be laid up on me? When the fuck did you get so Goddamn clingy and desperate for fucking attention? Huh? So fucking desperate for love? Sorry you had a shitty week, darling, but you're not alone in that. Sorry if it's fucking hot and I just want to sleep."
Feeling yourself fighting a losing battle because he wasn't listening, you just sighed, "Okay, Carmen."
He scoffed again, turning over to face away from you, "Know what? Fuck you, sweetheart."
You stared at his back for a long minute, feeling shocked by his words. "You can be such a fucking dick, you know that?" You snapped, standing from bed.
"And you can be a dramatic bitch."
"Yeah, that's me, the bitch you chose, huh!?" You rolled your eyes and nodded sarcastically; taking the blanket from the end of the bed, figuring he wouldn't miss it since he was so fucking hot. With only your phone and charger, you went out to the living room and crashed on the couch; covering up and crying quietly into a pillow from the overwhelming stress built in your chest. You felt guilt plunging your stomach, tearing it apart; feeling as if it were your fault for having physical touch as a love language.
Sleep evaded you that night. About an hour before your alarm, you called in sick and shut your phone off, resettling in misery as Carmy left the bedroom for work. You didn't move, never opened your eyes. However, they popped open in surprise when Carmen shoved your shoulder, "Hey."
"What?" You muttered.
"You're late for work."
"Called in."
He snorted, "Yeah, must be nice."
You didn't say anything else, feeling utterly defeated by his sharp words. The lack of response made Carmy pause and glance over at you from the kitchen, honest surprise coloring his system because he usually knew you to bite back. But you were quiet and still, the only indication you were even alive being the slow drag of your shoulders.
He let the door slam after he left for work, and you instantly sobbed. What you didn't know was that Carmy had come back, forgetting something mundane, and came to a halt outside the door when he heard you crying. He felt guilty, but Carmy wasn't usually one to confront problems; he instead ran away, like always.
After a night of exhaustion, you finally cry yourself to sleep.
When Carmy got home that night after work, he found you still huddled on the couch. After a look around, he realized you hadn't moved all day; nothing to eat, nothing to drink... He wanted to wake you but still felt so fucking irritated from his job that the idea of reconciling with you felt far fetched. So, he did what he did best and isolated himself by going to the gym for a few hours.
You still hadn't woken up when he got back.
So, he just went to bed; hating sleeping alone but hating his pride more because it refused to let him get up and go get you. Carry you to bed. Smother you in apologies. Beg for forgiveness. He was cold that night.
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You were awake around 4 am.
The entire apartment felt as cold and aloof as your boyfriend. You felt so silly for still being there, knowing you paid for an apartment of your own, but liking that Carmy's place was closer to your work. And he never asked you to leave, in fact, the times you went home, he was calling you within hours to beg you to come back because he hated sleeping alone.
Whatever happened to that lad? The one who was so in-love with you that he would desperately ask you to come "home" to him? Who was this man now? Who called you clingy, desperate... A bitch.
You could only stand to make coffee, feeling powerless in this tension. You didn't want him to ignore you any longer, feeling like you'd drop to your knees for his forgiveness if it would end this feud; but you weren't so naïve. You spent several long minutes mentally prepping yourself for more anxiety, telling yourself you could handle the day if you just powered through it. Everything should be fine so long as you didn't do anything else to upset him, as long as you didn't do anything to warrant him yelling at you - again.
You finally decided on an emotion, since you could feel so many at any given point in time, and since this situation was one you've never encountered before. Carmy had brought forth one of your biggest insecurities and then smashed it in your face like punk-ass siblings did to your birthday cake. You decided you were hurt by his words, tone, and actions; you were hurt by the man you loved unconditionally, and that was a terrifying thought on its own. He was once a man you thought couldn't do any wrong, to now being a man you were unsure of how to even speak to; fearful, as you once were as a child, to upset him and create hostility directed at you.
Carmy often forgot he didn't have a monopoly on toxic, complicated family dynamics, but being that Mikey was still so fresh for him, you kept quiet about your own issues in an effort to be a loving, supportive girlfriend. Yet even while trying not to upset anyone, to create tension, you somehow managed to. You felt your heart and soul shrivel into a withered raisin when you remembered your family and how they constantly put you down; saying that nobody wanted a girl like you who tried, tried, and tried again only to fail. They thought you were damaged goods, treated you as such and always smeared your name in the mud whenever you thought you had found someone to love you and be loved by you.
All that trauma was rearing its ugly head now, making doubt sink into the cracks of your relationship. No matter how hard he tried, Carmy couldn't ever take those words back once they've been said, and he had to understand that going forward, this would strain your relationship. Taking anger and frustration out on you was inappropriate, putting a bad taste in your mouth; making you wonder how the hell you'd ever move past this when his words circled your head like water draining from the sink.
Sometime around 9 am, you were curled up on the couch with your coffee and a book; Saturday dragging by slowly to allow you the reprieve of being off work. The bedroom door opened and you held your breath; sweat breaking out on your brow; heart stammering in your chest. When he came out, Carmy didn't look at you, which allowed you to watch him. He made a to-go cup of coffee, then shouldered his backpack before heading for the door.
"Carmy?" You asked softly in confusion, "I thought you were off today?"
"I am," he replied stiffly, "but I gotta run errands."
You didn't have time to respond before he was storming out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. You blinked in shock, confusion plunging your heart to your feet as you realized he didn't ask you to join him, in fact, he didn't appear to want to tell you his plans until you had to ask directly when he was walking out the door. You felt terrible, more tears swelling in your eyes at the discord your boyfriend prolonged.
Something in your heart snapped and you stood from your seat. With anger coursing through your veins, you turned into a miniature tornado and quickly started gathering whatever you could get your hands on that belonged to you. You had enough, you felt hurt, yes, we established this, but then the disrespect started to overflow out of your heart to color your blood. Never linger where you're not wanted, you should never tear yourself down to that level. Never should have to second guess yourself, either - especially in a space where you're supposed to be safe.
You started to wonder: is it clingy if you made dinner and saved him a plate? Is it clingy if you did his laundry? What about cuddling? Is that clingy? Well, apparently! What else are you wrong about? If you texted him? Asked his opinion? What about if you held his hand - is that clingy, too? Probably!
Physical touch and quality time were your love languages, but after this reaction, you wondered if everything you'd do from now on would be judged? Would you be crucified for showing your love? For trying to participate in your relationship?
All day, you moved your stuff back to your apartment. All shoes, clothes, purses, make-up, haircare and skincare products - any and all period products, too. You left fucking nothing; going as far as to lay face-down the photo of your two on his bedside stand. You'd of taken it, too, but you felt sick at the thought so you left it for him. Sunday night, you didn't return to his apartment, and Carmy didn't call to say goodnight; both figuring the other was still pissed off. Your Monday was long and annoying, but once it was over, you had to admit, it was strange returning to an empty apartment, heat up leftovers, eat while watching some Netflix show, and then crashing into bed - moving mechanically.
Days passed uneventfully, albeit, a bit sluggishly. And then, Thursday arrived, and with it, the shit that would hit the fan.
You were enraptured in this book by Anne Tyler called "Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant," and couldn't stop reading it. You nursed a mug of tea, the outside darkening with an approaching thunderstorm that would talk to you in the silence and send bolts of lightning to illuminate the city. A shrill ringtone then played, making you jump slightly and glance at your phone only to see Carmy's contact name and photo.
You stare at your phone for a long moment, and then, after convincing yourself that ignoring him would only add fuel to the fire, answered quietly, "Hello?"
"Peach? Hey, uh... Are you, um, still at work?"
"No?"
"Where are you, then?"
"I'm home."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am."
"I'm standing right here and you're not, baby, unless you got superpowers or something?" He chuckled nervously, hearing nothing on your end. "In fact, I, uh... I don't see any of your things. You move 'em?"
He'd never admit it, but your personal touch in his living space transformed it into a home; and now that they were all gone, he hated how cold, dreary, and grey the apartment felt.
"Carmy, I mean my home. You know? The apartment I still pay for?"
"Oh, well... Why're you there?"
"Why wouldn't I be? I had to bring my stuff back and leave it somewhere safe."
"It was safe here, Peach," he argued.
"Yeah, but it's your space and last thing I need is to be yelled at and insulted again for being clingy 'cause I left clothes at your apartment."
"Fuc'k's sake," You heard him hiss under his breath, bringing tears to your eyes. "You know I don't mind, I want you to leave shit here so it's easier on you to commute. Look, you know it's Thursday, right? Does our standing date night ring any bells?"
"Okay, but we haven't honored that in weeks? You know, 'cause you've been really busy."
"I thought we could get back into it tonight."
You sighed, turning the page in your book, "No, I don't think so, but thanks anyway."
He took a long pause, asking nervously, "What's wrong, Peach?"
"Nothing. Is there anything else, Carmen? I'm in the middle of shit."
"Oh, uh, n-no, I guess that's it. You comin' over tomorrow?"
"No. I told my brother I'd help him this weekend."
"But tomorrow's... Friday?"
"Yeah, that's how a calendar works. I have to travel to get to him," you scoffed.
"You didn't think to tell me?"
"Why would I?"
"You tell me everything! You don't think that's something I should know? That my girl's not even gonna be here this weekend?"
"Well, you're the one who said I was fucking clingy, remember!?" You finally snapped. "So, I'm giving you all that space you wanted!"
"Baby - "
"No, it's a great idea. We need space, Carmen; this isn't fair to either of us anymore," you spoke seriously, the line going quiet.
"What?"
"We need space from this relationship."
"I don't. I don't need space, Peach, baby, no, just listen, okay? I'm so sorry, I came home stressed out and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, I really am, this isn't what I want. Okay? I'm sorry. Just - come back home and we can - "
"No, you know what? I think I'm the one who needs this space," you snapped. "You said some pretty fucked up things, Carmen, that you can't ever take back, and now that I know, I can't un-know what you think about me. So, I need time to sort myself out."
"What're you saying? A-Are you breaking up with me?"
"Not yet, no."
"Baby, don't do this. C'mon, okay? I'm sorry, baby, I-I-I was wrong for what I said, I didn't - I didn't mean it! None of it, okay? Know I love you, baby, please, just come home, okay? I'm so sorry, I love that you wanna be close to me, I shouldn't've pushed you away. I'm sorry, okay? Please, baby, I'm so sorry. I need you, Peach, please. Just come home, we'll talk it through, I promise, no yelling - "
"I think you already said it all. Your words were 'clingy' and 'desperate'. Oh, and you also called me a 'bitch', so, I'd hate to be the bitch that makes your already stressful life all the harder."
"I didn't mean that - "
"I gotta go, Carmen, we'll talk later, okay? Goodnight."
He froze when he listened to those three distinct beeps that indicated you hung up on him. Confusion and hurt now seeped into the cracks of Carmy's heart; wondering when the hell he'd become so Goddamn self destructive to ruin the best thing he's ever had - you. The apartment might as well turned into ice with the way the light left, your departure suddenly haunting him.
When will these boys learn? The love of a good woman is rare, they'd only ever be so lucky as to think they deserve a woman like you. Nobody ever gets to guilt you for your love language(s) and then grovel for forgiveness. You deserve better, you deserve more; whether you could see that right now or not, you deserved to be loved in the best way for you. And sometimes, that means walking away from something you once thought was exactly what you wanted, but perhaps, never what you needed - call that God's Plan.
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[ part two: ] Two to Tango
requesting rules and masterlist
The Bear masterlist
Clingy Baby collection masterlist
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chiara-hotel · 7 months
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𝓦𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓣𝓱𝓮𝓶 𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓐 𝓛𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓣𝓲𝓶𝓮
Characters: Dazai, Chuuya
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- Very clingy before you leave
- This man will not let go of you, because your going to leave him for such a long time
- Honestly knowing Dazai, he might also cry as you leave
- During the time you’re gone, he becomes depressed
- Stops working much, or being his usual energetic self
- Of course he still tries to pretend to be energetic but sometimes it just doesn’t work because he misses you
- So yes, he misses you a lot
- A real lot
- Sends letters/Texts/Calls/Emails the entire time
- It doesn’t matter if your on a mission or something hes calling you while you’re supposed to be quiet
- And his ringtone messes somethings up but its okay because you fix them
- Please cuddle him lots when you get back (either way you don’t have a choice because he refuses to leave your side)
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- Also misses you but would never admit it
- More cuddles are definitely required for him before
- He would never say he wanted more than usual though, Chuuya wouldn’t want to make it seem like he doesn’t want you to leave him for so long
- Or he just takes you into a hug before you can say anything
- While you’re gone he might leave you a few messages here and there, mainly waiting until you get back
- The bed gets lonely though when he can’t cuddle anyone
- Sometimes he prepares dinner for the two of you, only to remember how you left for a while, then packs it up for him to eat tomorrow for dinner
- Which makes him sad for a moment
- Gets impatient eventually
- If you take too long he might just go find you himself
- For example, if you were on a mission he would force Mori after 3 weeks without you to join you on the mission
- Mori can’t say anything in this case, either way he would find you to make sure your okay
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thezombieprostitute · 6 months
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Imagine this:
accountant!reader x IT tech!Jensen x manager!Andy x CEO!Lloyd
The intent was to write something short and sweet but smutty. The result is approximately 2200 words with a ton of smut! I blame Lloyd.
Warnings: Power dynamics; Creepy boss; Smut, smut, SMUT! Minors DNI!!!!
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“Thank you, Jake,” you half whisper, half moan into his ear. “I really needed this.” You’re not normally one for hookups in the supply closets but you’d had such a stressful day you really needed to let off some steam. Thankfully Jake was always happy to help you out. And he was very good at helping you feel good. 
The two of you had a friends-with-benefits situation that had been carefully negotiated and navigated. Sometimes you got the sense that Jake wanted more and that’s why he was so eager to please. But you were both quick to talk if either of you felt things were getting too serious. It definitely made office parties a lot more fun. Everyone else was enjoying the cheap food and you and Jake got to go to a private office and actually take your time together.
You both do try to be careful at the office but your manager, Andy, has been really ramping up the sad sack shtick with all the women in your department, desperate for a date or some feminine attention and pity. You could only take so much, especially when your coworkers pointed out to him that you’re single. Traitors. 
Every day he would ask you about your plans. You tried being polite and got nowhere. You finally told him, directly, that you weren’t interested in him last Friday. Today you were called into a meeting with HR about “appropriate workplace behavior”. They told you they’d received complaints from your manager about flirting with him despite him telling you “no”. You smiled tightly and nodded, staying quiet and signing the documents saying you’d been talked to. 
You texted Jake on your phone to meet you in the hall closet. One of the things you appreciated? He didn’t ask questions, he just showed up and gave you what you needed. He really seemed to like it when you would repeatedly whisper “thank you’s” into his ear. It’s only a quickie but it definitely helps. You kiss Jake’s cheek and thank him as he blushes. You leave at different times and head back to your respective desks.
 You check your email and find yourself looking at an appointment with Lloyd Hansen, the company’s CEO. Thinking it must’ve been in error you hit the “Decline” button and add the most polite note that you can think of. Just a few minutes after you get yet another appointment notice with Mr. Hansen. No explanatory note. You’re extra grateful to Jake because your brain immediately jumps to Andy complaining about you to Mr. Hansen because your HR visit wasn’t enough of a punishment. 
The appointment is for tomorrow so you silently stew for the rest of the workday. At home you treat yourself to your favorite meal and shows. Your sleep is full of stressful dreams and you wake up more exhausted than when you went to bed. Not wanting to look like a mess in front of Mr. Hansen, you make sure to take extra care of your makeup and clothing choices. Working as hard as your caffeine deprived can to balance “I’m okay” with “I’m not trying to flirt with anyone”. It’s never an easy task.
As you log on to your computer you smell Andy’s cologne and internally wince. You turn to face him, “yes, Mr. Barber?”
“Easy there, tiger,” he chastised. “I just want to make sure that you’re doing okay after that HR meeting.”
Gritting your teeth you reply, “why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well I know a lot of people can have a kind of whiplash when they realize their behavior isn’t acceptable,” he explains in an obviously condescending tone. “I’ll understand if you want to take some vacation time.”
“Mr. Barber,” you seethe, “I think what would help me the most is keeping some distance between us at all times in the office.”
“Okay,” he scoffs. “Just remember who it is that HR listens to.” He walks away and you find yourself trying to not throw or break something. 
As soon as you can you head straight to Mr. Hansen’s office. His secretary lets you in, though he is not yet in. You should probably be upset that he’s late for the meeting he insisted on having with you but it’s better than sitting in your cubicle waiting for Andy to strike. 
The quiet is broken by Mr. Hansen storming into the office, yelling at someone on the phone. You recognize him immediately if only because of the mustache. “And I told you to handle it, Six! Get your head out of your ass and fix it!” He lets out a small huff as he listens to the person on the phone. “I don’t give a shit. It should’ve been handled weeks ago. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a meeting.” He hangs up without waiting for a response and turns to you with a smile that makes you feel like prey caught in a trap.
“So you’re the girl Barber was complaining out,” he starts. You’re unable to hold back your grimace and he laughs. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I don’t give a shit about that cuck.” You tilt your head in confusion. “See, he tried to play up the whole “women don’t know how to take a compliment” thing but I was able to see through him. He’s pathetic and you weren’t having it. Even flat out told him, “no”. That’s something I respect. Not everyone would do that to their boss.”
He sits down in his chair and continues, “so I started looking into you and imagine my surprise when I find out you and Jensen are hooking up!” Your eyes widen in shock and you start stammering before he holds out a hand, gesturing for you to stop. “You’re not in trouble for that. Hell if I could get laid instead of attending those lame work parties I absolutely would. Which is why I brought you here.” 
He leans his elbows on the desk, “I want in on whatever fuck-buddy deal you and Jensen got going on.”
“S..sir, I,” you’re at a loss for words. 
“Tell you what,” he slaps the desk and stands up, “I’ll make it easy for you. Either you agree to be my own fuck-buddy, occasionally still get some good stuff from Jensen, or I’ll make you Barber’s personal secretary.”
“What if I quit instead?”
“Then I’ll go ahead and fire Jensen,” he quips. “It would be a damn shame, though. Jakey is one of the best IT guys we got. Likely up for a promotion that would get him a private office.”
“Can I talk to Jake first,” you plead. “It is part of our arrangement that we communicate changes before they’re implemented.”
“You know what, sure. I can respect that a deal is a deal.” He goes to the phone on his desk and tells his secretary to send Jake up.
When Jake does arrive he’s shocked to see you. At Lloyd’s gesture he closes the door behind him. Lloyd doesn’t let you speak and lays everything out for him like he did you. 
Jake looks at you, “it’s…umm…I appreciate you looking out for me and my job,” he starts. “But it’s also your body and I would never want you to accept something like this just for me.”
“You know, Jakey here has a point,” Lloyd interjects. “You really don’t know what you’re in for with me. How about a demonstration? I’ll even let Jake join in to help keep you comfortable.”
Knowing that you were being watched shouldn’t excite you so much. The fact that both of these men wanted you was making you wet. You straddle Jake in his chair and start making out with him while taking off your clothes and grinding your hips against his crotch. 
Jake moans as he takes off your bra with practiced ease, “you’re sure about this?” 
“Feel how wet I am, Jake.” He obliges and sticks his fingers inside your panties. He rubs your clit and you arch your breasts into his face as his eyes widen at the wetness he finds there. 
“Holy shit,” he breathes. He gets a dark glint in his eye that you don’t entirely recognize. He removes his hand and starts to unbutton your pants. “You gotta taste her, Mr. Hansen. Sweetest pussy and it’s already drenched.”
You hadn’t realized Lloyd was standing behind you until he grabbed your breasts, lifting you a little as he nibbled your neck. He pulls you off of Jake and the two of them finish undressing you before setting you on Lloyd’s desk. You’re on your back, your head hanging over one side, your legs spread wide for the both of them. 
Lloyd doesn’t hesitate and dives tongue first into your pussy. Your reaction is immediate as he uses his mustache to tickle your clit. You throw your head back and moan before you’re able to stifle it. 
He pulls away from you, “don’t worry about noise, sweetheart. My secretary is gone for the afternoon and no one else would dare be on this floor.” He turns to Jake, “you were right! This is a damn tasty snack.” He gets back to it and you don’t hold back your sounds. It was such a relief to get to be as loud as you wanted. 
“Fuck, I love those sounds,” Jake groans.
You reach out to him, “your cock, Jake? Please, can I stroke your cock?”
“Love those sounds, too,” he grins as he undoes his belt. You look to Lloyd to see if he has any objections but he’s too focused on licking up all of your juices. Jake is already half hard and your hands know just how to get him fully erect. His hands start playing with your tits, gently pinching, pulling and fondling. 
The two of them quickly bring you to the brink of orgasm, then Lloyd sticks two of his fingers inside you and it pushes you over the edge. You cum loudly and Lloyd keeps scissoring his fingers while sucking on your clit, enjoying the show. When the aftershocks fade, he removes his hand and backs away just a little.
“Jensen, you take her mouth,” he orders. “I’m gonna make a mess of this pussy and I want to hear her choking on your cock while I do.”
You let go of Jake’s erection and he starts pushing himself into your mouth, grunting and moaning as he does so. He’s careful with you, like always, and places your hand on his thigh so you can signal if it gets too much.
Lloyd, however, lines himself up with your opening and quickly thrusts himself fully inside. If your mouth wasn’t so full of Jake’s cock, you’d likely have screamed. They fucked both of your holes with abandon and you were loving every second of it. Occasionally Jake would ask for a status and you’d tap his thigh twice for “all good”. 
“Not gonna last much longer,” Lloyd admitted. “This pussy is so fucking tight. I see why you risked your job for her.” He started rubbing your clit and you careened towards another orgasm. As soon as Jake came in your mouth you were done for. You tightened your legs around Lloyd as you came hard and swallowed all of Jake’s spend. You heard Lloyd mumbling, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” before he came with a yell. 
You’re still in a daze as both men pull out of you. Lloyd whistles, “now that’s a pretty picture. What say we get you cleaned up?”
“What the fuck?!” A voice from the office door crashes your post-orgasm euphoria. You look up and see Andy, standing in the doorway.
“Ah, Barber,” Lloyd says as he zips his pants back up. “Right on time.”
“What?!” Jake exclaims as you look, wide-eyed, at Lloyd. 
“You see, Andy,” he walks over to your manager and claps him on the shoulder. “You’re a complete cuck and we both know it.” Andy tries to protest but Lloyd cuts him off. “This is the closest you’re ever going to get to some pussy. Now be a good boy and clean up the mess I made.” He throws Andy to his knees in front of your spread pussy. 
Andy groans at the sight and you feel a stir of courage. “Well,” you scold. “Are you going to be a good boy and do as you're told or am I going to have to clean myself up?” His eyes darken but you don’t back down. He dives into your cum filled pussy and starts cleaning you up.
“Good boy,” Lloyd smirks. “Probably the only way you can actually please a woman.” He looks at Jake, “whenever you’re done with her, call her cuck over to clean up. Sound good?”
Jake looks to you and sees you writhing with pleasure, “I think so.”
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Part 1.5
Tagging @alicedopey because I promised I would.
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roosterforme · 2 years
Text
Batting Practice Part 4 | Rooster x Reader
Summary: You get a little bit of time alone with Bradley, and now you want him even more. When he asks you about Frank, you realize you need to tie up some loose ends. 
Warnings: Fluff, angst and swearing (eventually 18+)
Length: 3300 words
Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female single!mom Reader
Check my masterlist for more Top Gun fun! Batting Practice masterlist.
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Everett was beyond excited for his first tee ball game, and he insisted on wearing his jersey to school on Friday. He wanted to wear it to bed on Friday night as well, but you made him change into pajamas. 
"What time does my game start?" he asked for the millionth time.
"Sweetie, I already told you. Tomorrow morning at 10:30. And that's why you need to get in bed and get a lot of rest."
After six bedtime stories and a cup of water, he was finally dozing off to sleep, and you were about to check your work email. 
But when you looked at your phone, you saw a few texts from your sister and a text from Bradley.
Bradley Bradshaw: I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I'm probably allowed to spend a little extra time with the Team Mom. Maybe you'll keep your Kitten claws tucked away and let me buy you something from the snack bar after the game?
"Oh my god," you whispered as you sat on the edge of your bed. You lay back and literally kicked your feet up in the air as you wrote back to him.
I'll keep my kitten claws away if you buy me an Icee and a soft pretzel.
Then you sat up and gasped before running downstairs to the kitchen. Everett's tee ball schedule was hanging on the refrigerator where you and he could both see it. You took it down, sending a magnet flying in the process. You were right; Monday's practice was dress up day. The kids were supposed to come to practice in costumes, and there was a note encouraging the parents to dress up as well. 
With a squeak, you found the magnet and hung the calendar again before running back upstairs to your room. 
Bradley Bradshaw: Sounds perfect. And maybe you can fill me in more about what else Kittens like to eat and drink. For future reference.
You buried your face in your pillow to keep from screaming too loud. You felt like you were seventeen again and about to get asked to prom by Kyle Jenkins. Except this was even better. 
You sent back a cat emoji before you opened your Amazon app and searched for what you needed for Monday. 
You found a cat ear headband and a cat tail to make an adult cat costume. Then you dug around in your closet for something to pair them with. You had black jeans, but couldn't find a suitable top. After a few minutes of searching, you added a black bodysuit to the shopping cart along with some washable face paint. Before you could second guess yourself, you charged everything to your credit card with next day shipping, and started to get ready for bed. 
You needed to be well rested for Everett's game. And for the snack bar.
----------------------
Bradley took a quick shower while his coffee brewed. The bathroom was right next to the kitchen and living room, and his bedroom was the only other room. His apartment was kind of small, and he kind of hated it. 
Last night, he had spent hours thinking about bringing you back here, but it was so boring and bare, it made it look like he had no personality. Then he started thinking about what your place might look like. Then he started thinking about what your bed might look like. Then he was just imagining you in a nondescript bed with him, and he started touching himself. 
He wasn't really surprised. You were such a treat to look at, and he was more attracted to you than he had been to the last dozen women he had hooked up with combined. There was just something about you. The combination of wholesome mom vibes were mixing with the way you responded to him when he called you Kitten. It was a lot for his brain to process how sexy he found those two things when put together. 
For a brief moment he thought about masturbating again in the shower, but he didn't have enough time to indulge in that like he really wanted to. 
He quickly toweled off and finished getting ready. He sipped his coffee and scrolled through his text messages with you, being extra careful not to spill anything on his white baseball pants. 
God, you were so flirtatious. That little kitten emoji threw him last night. 
He rubbed a hand across his mouth and mustache and grabbed his gear for the game. He'd never make it through the day if he didn't try to stop thinking about you. 
He arrived at the field early and started setting things up with Bob, but he kept glancing around, looking for you. And if Bradley thought you looked good when you came to practice directly from work, that was nothing compared to how you looked today.
"Oh, fuck," he groaned as you made your way across the assigned field with Everett in his blue jersey. Your jeans were tight, and you had them paired with a Padres shirt and cap. 
When you looked over at him, you smiled and mouthed, "Hi, coach."
Bradley handed the cones he was holding to Bob and headed directly for you.
"Hey, we still need to mark off the outfield!" Bob called after him, but Bradley didn't pause until he was next to you.
"Kitten," he whispered as you took Everett's cleats out of his bag.
You glanced at him over your shoulder, and Bradley made sure you could tell he was checking you out. 
"Coach," you whispered back just as Everett launched off the bleachers. 
"Coach Bradley! Are we playing against the orange team?" he asked, pointing to the kids in the opposing uniforms. 
"We sure are. Those are the Tiny Hawks. Much less intimidating than a Tiny Eagle," Bradley said, adjusting his cap. "You ready to play? We're going to need our top power hitter if we have a chance at winning."
"Yeah!" Everett yelled. 
"Start warming up for the game," Bradley said, patting him on the shoulder as he ran toward Bob. Then he turned toward you and smirked. You were chewing on your bottom lip as you looked up at him like you were about to kiss him. "You look cute, Kitten. And on that note, I'm going to go cool down for the game."
Your laughter followed him as he went to meet with the referee. When the game started, he could hear you cheering loudly for Everett, your voice reaching his ears over everyone else's.
-----------------------
The game was honestly pretty exciting for a bunch of first graders hitting a ball off a vertical stick. Everett had two hits and even made it to third base during one inning. And whenever there was downtime in the game, you still got to look at Bradley in those tight, white pants. 
The moms behind you started whispering, and you were trying not to laugh. 
"I'll bet Coach Bradley could bench press me. His biceps look like fire hydrants." 
"Tara, he's got to have a girlfriend. There's no way something that meaty is still on the market."
Then Everett hit the ball so hard, another player on his team scored a run. "Go Everett! Run!" you shouted, jumping out of your seat and cheering. 
Bradley turned around and smiled at you as Everett won the game for his team. You waited for the kids to shake hands with each other, and then Everett gave Bradley another high five before running to you.
"Mommy!" he shouted as you caught him in your arms. "I'm a power hitter! Just like Coach Bradley said!"
"You really are! You were amazing!"
Then he wriggled out of your arms and said, "Can I play on the swings with the other kids?"
There was a good view of the swings from the snack bar, and now Bradley was heading your way with his gear bag slung over his shoulder and some dirt on his white pants. 
"Yeah, Ev. Just stay on the playground."
Bradley stopped in front of you. "I have a little team business I'd like to discuss with you, Team Mom. Would you join me on a bench near the snack bar?"
You rolled your eyes and tried not to laugh. "Sure, Coach Bradley." So you turned and walked next to him for the first time; Everett was usually tucked in the middle when he walked you both to your car. Bradley was so tall when he was right next to you that you had to tilt your head up to talk to him. The other moms were right. He was definitely something to look at. 
"Congrats on your perfect winning record, Coach," you told him, earning a deep laugh that made your lips part as you sucked in a breath.
"Thanks, but I guess I should really be thanking Ev. He won us the game."
You just smiled and glanced at your son as he played. "He's doing so well. I can't believe it."
Bradley just shrugged as he led you up to the window to order some snacks. "He's talented, and he's fast. Does...his dad practice with him?"
You glanced up at him and shook your head. "No. Danny barely sees him at all."
A crease appeared on Bradley's brow and he immediately looked kind of angry. "Why not? He's not local?"
You snorted as you gave him a pitying look. "He lives in Mission Beach. He's just not interested."
"What the fuck?" Bradley asked, earning a glare from the woman who was trying to take your order at the snack bar. 
You just nudged his arm as you ordered your soft pretzel and cherry Icee. He ordered himself a soft pretzel and a lemonade and paid before you could get to your wallet.
"I already told you, it's my treat," he said, grabbing both drinks while you grabbed the pretzels. "Now I need you to explain to me how Everett's dad lives in San Diego but never spends time with him. I don't understand."
You just shrugged and sat down on a bench in the shade. "It's just one of the many reasons Danny and I are divorced. He never showed much interest in Ev, even when he was a baby."
Bradley settled in next to you and handed you the Icee. "I mean... babies are kind of scary. But Everett is fucking great."
You just looked at him, his pretty brown eyes flashing with anger and annoyance. 
"Yeah, Ev is the best. We're better off without Danny."
Bradley took one of the soft pretzels from you and ate half of it in one bite and chewed it up.
"Does that mean you're single, Kitten?" he asked without hesitation. "Been wanting to know."
You grinned at him as your phone vibrated in your pocket. "You've been wanting to know?" You ignored a text from Frank and set your phone down on the bench between your thigh and Bradley's. 
"Come on, Kitten. Just tell me. You're playing with me like I'm a ball of yarn."
Your grin gew as you nibbled on your pretzel and tried to figure out what to tell him. Essentially Frank was nothing. Inconsequential. In fact, he was really irritating you at the moment as another text came through after you'd already told him you were busy this weekend. 
"Well," you started. But now Frank was calling you. As you tried to ignore the call, Bradley looked at the screen.
"Who's Frank?" he asked, looking up at your face with a forced neutral expression. "Someone you're dating?"
"No," you replied, scrunching up your nose. 
"So you're single?"
"Yes."
"Good. Because you've got some salt on your lip," he whispered, brushing your bottom lip with his thumb. Without giving it a second thought, you licked the salt from the pad of his thumb. Bradley froze with his eyes wide, staring at your mouth. "Jesus, Kitten."
Your face had the decency to grow warm as he leaned in a bit closer and whispered, "Next time I'll kiss it away."
You let out a tiny squeak as your phone started ringing again. 
"Damn it, Frank," Bradley growled as he scooped up your phone and answered it. "This is Kitten's phone. How can I help you?"
"Bradley!" you gasped, lunging for the phone as he switched ears. You watched him sip his lemonade as he looked at you, keeping the phone firmly out of your reach. 
"Yeah, I hear you, Frank. But she's at a tee ball game right now. Want me to relay a message?"
"Give it back," you scolded him, reaching for it again.
Bradley shook his head, but you just climbed across his lap to get your phone, your chest pressed against his. But now he was holding your phone out in his massive hand with his arm extended, and smiling a few inches from your lips.
"Bradley!" you said with an exasperated laugh. "You're terrible!"
"And you're wonderful," he replied as you anchored one hand around his neck and reached for the phone. You planted your right knee between his thighs and reached, but he finally relented by handing the phone to you.
"Frank?" you asked a bit breathlessly when you had the phone to your ear. You were touching Bradley in the weirdest assortment of places, but neither of his hands were on you. You wished they were. 
"Frank, I'll see you on Monday," you said, paying no attention to what he was saying before ending the call. 
"Who's Frank?" Bradley asked again, his breath ghosting across your cheek as you eased yourself off of his lap. But his hand came up to your waist to hold you in place and your eyes met his.
"A guy from work. Who doesn't know how to take no for an answer."
"What the hell does that mean?" Bradley's voice was tight. 
"Oh, just that I told him I'm busy this weekend, but he's still bugging me." You swallowed hard. You were going to need to completely end things with Frank. Soon. Because as you eased your knee over Bradley's thigh, you had to fight the urge to kiss him. You never craved kisses from Frank. "But maybe he'll leave me alone now that you answered my phone."
You were sitting on your knees on the bench facing Bradley when he turned toward you and asked, "Do I need to worry about Frank?" 
Your lips parted in a silent smile, and you laughed. His eyes looked a little hurt as they met yours. 
"You don't need to worry about anyone, Coach."
His face eased into a soft smile. "Have you given any more thought to that Phillies game, Kitten? It's my treat if you and Ev want to go."
"That's not necessary," you insisted. But you wanted to go in the worst way. 
But if you told Everett that this was even a possibility, he would ask about it nonstop for the next month. Letting Everett spend time with Bradley outside of tee ball was just asking for trouble. Spending time by yourself with Bradley outside of tee ball was probably just as bad. 
"I know it's not necessary, but I'd still love to take both of you." 
His eyes were so sincere. You had never been interested in a guy who you allowed to be around Everett before. But Bradley was in two categories: Everett's Coach and a guy you really liked. And it would be impossible to separate the two now.
"I want to say yes...."
"Then say yes," he replied. "And you should say yes when I ask you out on a date without Everett. And you should say yes when I ask you if I can practice tee ball with him since his dad sounds like such a tool."
You felt soft inside. "All of that sounds nice, Coach. And I do the best I can with helping him practice, but I don't know that much about baseball."
"I can teach you," Bradley said softly, stroking your knee through your jeans. "Over dinner? What do you like to eat, Kitten?"
"I'm not picky."
"What's your favorite?"
You kind of shrugged. "Cheap burgers and expensive champagne."
Bradley laughed. "I love that, too."
Then Everett came over and squeezed onto the bench in the small gap between your knees and Bradley's thigh. "I'm starving," he whined.
When you checked your phone, you were surprised to find it was a lot later than you thought. "Ready to head home for lunch?"
"Yes," he said, and just when you were about to remind him to thank his coach, Everett threw his arms around Bradley's neck.
"Thanks for making me such a good player."
You watched Bradley return his hug, something you couldn't ever remember Danny doing. 
"I didn't do much, kiddo. You're a natural," Bradley told him with a smile. 
"I don't know what that means, but it sounds good," Everett said, standing up and collecting his gear bag. 
"Thanks for the snack," you whispered as Everett took your hand and started pulling you toward the parking lot. 
"Bye, Kitten."
-----------------------------
Bradley watched you walk away, looking like a real treat in those jeans. The bench was suddenly too quiet and lonely without your attention for him to bask in. So he just sipped his lemonade and tried to figure out how to make you feel more comfortable. 
Clearly you were hesitant to tell him who the hell Frank was. That was a potential problem. But Bradley had to smile at the memory of Frank sputtering in confusion when he answered your phone. 
Frank was going to have to go.
You also needed some reassurance about Everett. Bradley genuinely liked your son, and he could picture himself tossing a ball around the park with him. If he wanted to play real ball in the fall, Everett was going to need to get better at fielding. He seemed to love baseball as much as Bradley did at that age. And honestly baseball was the one thing that really helped him deal with losing his dad. 
It was funny how Everett reminded him so much of himself, but Bradley thought perhaps Everett had it worse than he did. Nick Bradshaw was just gone from Bradley's life by the time he was in first grade. Completely wiped away. No chance of ever seeing or talking to his dad again. But Everett's dad lived a scant five miles away from this bench and never spent any time with his kid. 
"Fucked up," Bradley mumbled to himself. Especially since you and Everett's dad had been married. Who does that shit to their family, divorced or not? Bradley had to roll his shoulders to help himself calm down. 
If it was okay with you, he would take Everett to the park one day. He thought they would both have fun. 
As he finished his lemonade, his phone vibrated in his pocket. It was a text from you.
"Okay, Coach. Take us to the Phillies game. We both really want to go with you."
He smiled and opened the internet tab where he had been looking at tickets. He bought three seats in the outfield and took a screenshot of the receipt. Then he texted you the image along with a promise.
"I really want to go with both of you, too."
----------------------
Bye, Frank. Thanks to @beyondthesefourwalls and @mak-32!
PART 5
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Note
the older sister SECRETLY !!! So sunghoon has 2 sisters and heeseung is dating the younger sister , but the more he hangs out with sunghoon and sees the older sister , the more they fall in love with each other . And that’s where the cheating starts ! IF THIS DOESN’T MAKE SENSE I CAN TEXT U PRIVATELY . If u do this for me I consider u as my sister 🥹😚💗
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“I like her, but I love you…”
Warnings: College boy Heeseung cheating in secret, older fem. lead, smut....rough smut....kind of animalistic, craving, like 'oh-my, oh-my God! this c*ck's pumping crazy' smut. unprotected smut. 9k word count, so get your popcorn out.
Bday gift for @hoyeonheeseung
PS: H/N stands for “her name”. Left her name blank.
Thank you for taking the time and reading my stories and drabbles. To show your support, please consider donating into my ko-fi account ♥️
“Hey man, how are things going with you and h/n?”
“Good, she’s my little troublemaker.” Referring to his girlfriend and the younger sister of his best friend, Sunghoon, Heeseung chuckles as he dwells into the little tidbits concerning his established relationship.
“Yeah she can be a handful. But don't forget, she’s only eighteen, it’s not like she’s our age.” Sunghoon responds in jest, chuckling as he winks over to his friend.
“Yeah, I know. I keep that in mind all the time, which is probably why I let her get away with a lot, and am more patient with her than I should be.”
Nodding his head, Sunghoon pats Heeseung’s shoulder as the two walk over to their parked cars.
“So I was going to ask you, are you planning on coming by tomorrow?” Sunghoon asks. Raising a brow over from across his vehicle, Heeseung answers loosely. “Yeah, h/n says she wanted me to meet some of her friends from school, and they were all going to be over at your place. You guys having a party or something?” Tossing his books into the front passenger seat, Heeseung turns back towards Sunghoon.
“Yeah I figured she had already asked you to come by, her friends are all going to be at the house because, well, our eldest sister moved back to the area after accepting a new job. Guess she wanted to be closer to the family, so my parents are throwing a homecoming party for her.”
“That right?” Twirling his tongue, Heeseung had known Sunghoon since they started college, nearly four years ago. Being on their last year together, Heeseung furrowed his brow, slightly surprised. “I didn’t even know you guys had an older sister.”
“Oh yeah man, I probably forgot to mention her because she’s been living abroad. She left the year I started attending college, right before I met you. She normally calls in and emails us, but hasn’t visited because her job is so demanding. But she says this new job is going to give her a lot more free hour.”
“Huh, I was wondering why H/N mentioned that all of her friends would be over. Makes sense now. But yeah man, I’ll be there. I’ll probably take H/N to the movies or something after the festivities are done with.”
“Cool man. See you tomorrow then.”
“Yup, see ya.”
………………………
You woke up early the next morning to the soft light of the spring sun peeking through the bedroom window. Laid out on the side table was a list of residential neighborhoods and apartments nearby, some circled in black ink. You had moved in with your parents and siblings, only just for a period until you could establish your own place. For now, you took the opportunity to enjoy lost time with them. Getting dressed, you chose a simple yet elegant floral dress, that fitted your form nicely. The hem of the skirt tastefully flows inches above your kneecaps, while the tie straps gently rest on top your shoulders. Walking down the stairs, you meet with your mother inside the kitchen.
“Oh, hi mom.”
“Good morning y/n! Did you want some coffee?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Pouring you a cup, your mother sits down and enjoys the one-on-one moment with you, while you both sipped on your favorite latte’s. Turning your gaze over to the window, you spot your mother’s garden in full bloom. While you were away, she had planted your favorite flowers to remind herself of you during your absence.
“Oh mom, I really like what you did with your garden.”
“Thank you, baby.”
Chuckling, you giggle out your words as you playfully bite your lip, a small habit you’ve had for as long as you could remember. “You planted my favorite flowers?”
“Of course! I had to have something to remind me of you while you were gone for so long.” The tone of her words reflected her happiness in having you back home. Reaching across the table, you take her hand and reassured her that you wouldn’t be away from here on out.
“I promise, I'm here to stay mama.”
“I know. But you don’t have to rush, you can stay here with me, your dad, your brother and sister.”
Looking down at your cup, you gently sip while you speak. “I’ll stay for a bit, but you don't have to worry Mama. When I move out. I’ll limit myself to a 10-mile radius so I can be close to home. I promise.” Winking, you watch as your mother smiles sincerely at your resolve. You felt guilty for being away for so long, not to mention your career limited you from gaining the opportunity to travel and visit home. Now, things would be different. Sure, you had to take on a position that was slightly less pay than what you were making before, and you had a wonderful team that you left behind, but that all didn’t matter anymore. You had set your priorities firmly to put family first, and everything else following second. With your brother finishing up college, and your sister beginning her first year at the same university in the following months, you knew that your parents would have been too lonely, so you made your decision and submitted your two weeks’ notice to your boss three months ago, and had been enjoying the time missed ever since.  
“Oh, how did you sleep last night? I tried to get H/N to give you back your old room for just a few nights, but you know your sister…”
Chuckling, you bit your lip again as you playfully shook your mother’s hand. “It’s okay. The guest room was nice and quiet. Plus, I’ve always liked it up there.” After you had moved out, your sister took over your old room, which happened to be the second largest bedroom in the house, with your parent’s master suite being the biggest. The bedrooms all shared the same hall, but the guest bedroom was nestled away up on the third floor, originally as the attic.  However, your parents designed it to be formatted as a guest room for family visits and had kept it as such ever since.
**** photo of bedroom
When finding out that you were moving back home, your mother went through great lengths to fix up the guest space after H/N had initially begged, then later refused, to give back your old room. Yet you didn’t mind, the guest room was laid out with gaudy floral wallpaper but was actually, quite cozy, and nicely tucked away from the remaining bedrooms, which all were located on the first level. The second floor had a nice family room, along with a guest bath, additional office spaces that your father used as his private study, and a small sitting room. The way things were set, you felt like the little princess you always used to dream yourself as, locked away in your tower with all of your favorite books and a great view of your mother’s garden.
“Sis!”
 You turn your head over to the sliding door near the dining room and watch as H/N runs over and sits next to you. “Can I borrow that one dress you have? The red sexy one! Pleeeeease!” Bouncing in her seat, your sister eagerly begs as she taps her artistically extreme manicured nails on the table. Adorned in clusters of jewels and painted in neon colors, you took a moment to notice how lengthy the exaggerated pointed acrylics were.
“Yeah, sure.”
“EEEEEEEEEK! YAAAY! Thank you Y/n!” Hugging your neck and placing a quick peck on your cheek, h/n runs up the stairs, causing quite the clamor on her way up. You chuckled and smirked as you heard her run up, scurrying through your closet and dressers for that simple red dress you wore for work. It was a formal piece, one that you wore under a blazer whenever you went into the office, and it was a bit too sophisticated for a homecoming party, but you already knew that once your sister had her mind set on something, there was no changing it.
The visitors started to show up, collecting out in the backyard where all the decorations and food was nicely laid out. Your mother and her friends had displayed a massive spread of assorted dishes on a long picnic table. Sunghoon assisted with placing the decorations up, while H/N mingled with her friends. You were taking one last glance over the residential properties on the rental ad before placing it back down on your side table. You head down towards the kitchen, however, upon arriving on the second floor, you run into H/N and her group of friends as they walk up to catch you in the guest room. “Oh! Sis! Perfect timing!” H/N runs over to your side and links her arm with yours. “Guys, this is my sister y/n.”
“Wow….you’re so pretty.”
“Your hair is so long and shiny!”
“Gosh why is it that older girls are always the prettiest?”
“Its probably because they learn from each other’s makeup and hair styles in college.”
One by one, h/n’s friends all admire you while talking aloud, taking a moment to feel your hair, stare at your dress, and ask about your makeup tips. They displayed a look of shock when you exposed that you were wearing minimal products, keeping it simple with blush, lipstick, and some eyeshadow. You were always one to avoid heavy makeup, opting to keep things real and simplistic.
“Thats it?! That’s all you’re wearing? How are you so pretty with so little makeup?”
“I can’t wait to be older so I can be just as cool and sexy as you. I like that womanly confidence, my own older sister has that same vibe.”
Chuckling, you playfully side eye H/N as she proudly presents you to her posse. “See? I told you! My older sister is the prettiest!”
Skipping as she drags you along, H/N finally lets you go when you all reach the kitchen. “Sis, you coming out?” H/N screeches out. She was always so flamboyant and quite loud, more than likely due to the excitement she had in showing you off. “Come out so we can show you some of our cheers that we’ve been practicing!”
“Oh alright, gimme a second. I’m just going to grab some water and I’ll be right out.”
“Okay! Hurry up!” She shouts out and leaves. You had nearly forgotten that H/N was continuing her cheerleading curriculum, even in college, and planned on entering the cheer competitions. Pouring yourself a glass of water, you quietly gaze through the window and watch as the number of guests grew larger. Minutes past, and more people enter through the gate in the yard. A sudden scream of excitement is heard from afar outside, and you knew it was H/N and her friends. Shaking your head while you smirked, you sipped on your drink as you checked your phone on some work-related matters, before placing it down on the kitchen island and prepared yourself to walk out and greet the guests.
…….
“Oh my God Heeseung!!! You’re here!”
Running towards him, H/N jumps up as Heeseung catches her in his arms. Gripping onto his hair and overbearing him with kisses, Heeseung winces his eyes shut and gives it a moment before finally speaking out. “Okay, okay. I get it, I missed you too.” He chuckles as he lets her down.
“Come meet my friends! They’ve all been dying to meet you and oh my Gosh! Can we go to the mall later? I want to show you off to all my friends that are working at the stores today!” Jumping up and down, completely hyperactive as she holds onto his hand, H/N eagerly waits for Heeseung to answer. He couldn’t lie to himself, as much as he cared for her, her hyperactive personality could overwhelm him sometimes, much like her friends. It was nothing out of the ordinary, however, for him it wasn’t something he was quite used to, given that all of his other girlfriends were his age and in college. This was the first time he decided to dip into someone as young as H/N. At times, he felt he needed to break away whenever she had her moments where that teen spunk was over the top.
“We’ll see.” He answers.
“But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Please please please!” pulling on his arm, H/n expresses her pleas in a shrill and loud voice as she displays a puppy-eyed countenance, pouting her lip to exaggerate her desperation.
“Let’s just see how the day goes, h/n. Besides, after the day is done, I was planning on taking you to the movies.”
“Oh! The movies!!!” She jumps up with excitement while her mother gently shushes from the side. “H/n, shhh, quiet.” your mother whispers over secretly to H/N. “You’re making a scene.”
Huffing out, H/N shrugs off her mother’s warning before resuming her gaze back to Heeseung. “Can my friends come?” She asks excitingly.
“You don’t want to go together? Just the two of us?” He calmly winks over. “Oh my God!! Heeseung!!” She shouts out and giggles, stirring a commotion among the guests, which had caused Heeseung to immediately grow wide eyed and shoot a hand over her mouth, all out of sudden instinctive reaction.
Heeseung eventually met up with Sunghoon, and the two standoff at a distance enjoying a beer while H/N and her friends all swoon over the newest kpop group stepping into the scene of popularity. “Oh my God he’s hot as fuck!” H/n can be heard admiring aloud, once again earning a quick tap on her arm from your mom, gesturing her to be more polite and quiet. Never minding that Heeseung could hear, in h/n’s mind, it was okay for her to openly swoon so long as it wasn’t with someone that was realistically achievable, plus, she was a young girl with a lot of emotions and hormones that caused her to be overly expressive, as well as experiencing a change of heart nearly every day. One moment she was into one particular thing, the next she was into something entirely different. Zoning off as he watches the girls indulge into their typical gossip, Heeseung takes another sip out of his beverage before engaging in conversation with Sunghoon.
“So, how is your other sister holding up being back home?”
“She’s loving it. Which….where is she? She should be out here since this is her party.” Sunghoon looks around, yet the lack of your sighting caused him to reach out to your guy's mom for confirmation. “Mom, where is y/n?”
“Oh well she should be– oh! There she is.” Catching the sight of you walking out through the back sliding door, your mother’s sentence is cut short with the pleasant note of your appearance. “Y/N, over here!” she calmly shouts out your way, waving for you to come to her direction.
Walking calmly, you nod and say hello to everyone you walk past, flaring a sweet and soft smile as you greet them before reaching your mother.
“Oh hey, Y/N! Let me introduce you real quick before mom steals you away, this is my good friend, Heeseung. He and I had been friends since our first year together. He’s also h/n’s boyfriend.”
Surprised, you pleasantly smiled towards the young man and extended your hand to shake and greet him. You heard all about H/N’s boyfriend, especially since the latter couldn’t contain her excitement and talked of nothing else since the moment they started dating, sending you at least a handful of emails a day talking about him. It was just surprising since she never revealed him to be an older college male, nor did she mention that he was good friends with Sunghoon.
“Nice to meet you, I’ve heard alot about you from h/n. She’s really taken with you.” flashing a charming smile, you delicately shift the pieces of your hair framing your face and tuck it behind your ear as the gentle breeze blows through it. Unlike H/N, you opted to leave your hair un-styled, letting it fall freely in its natural state, which enhanced your features and placed you above all the girls Heeseung has ever laid eyes on, to include the girls at his college, and H/N.
“Yeah…nice to meet you.” Stunned by your natural and yet sophisticated sense of manners, your appeal had struck Heeseung out of his right-minded state and he found himself at a loss for words. Leaving his response short and simple, you nod and make your way over to your mother. Sunghoon went on about one thing or another, yet Heeseung paid no mind, he tried to keep it from being obvious, but it was hard. Fortunately no one really noticed. Keeping his face towards his best friend, his eyes kept shifting over your way, glancing periodically as he did his best to get an eye full of your image before reengaging with Sunghoon.
………………..
“So yeah, we were doing this in class the other day when….”
“Mmhmm…..”
“And then the dude literally started to get into this argument with my professor….”
“Oh yeah? …..”
“Right in front of the entire class.”
“Crazy man.”
Noting Heeseung’s spurt responses, Sunghoon pauses in his storytelling. “Heeseung, you good man?”
“Hm?...Oh yeah, no I'm good. You were saying? The guy argued with your professor and what now?”
“Oh. For a second I didn’t think you were listening.” Chuckling as he sips on his beer, Sunghoon continues, not catching on to Heeseung’s habitual habit of roaming his gaze over where you stood. Admiring the calm, mature, and graceful woman that you are, he was becoming smitten with you.
 It was strange, he thought that he’d seen every type of woman there was to see. The college girls at his university, or H/n and her friends, all of whom shared similarities, but carried minor differences in their character. Yet despite all that, they were nothing compared to the level of true feminine beauty that you held. All in all, when it came to the girls his age, they were all somewhat stuck up and believed that they had their lives completely figured out, but lacked the will to prioritize their days appropriately and spent more nights partying and sleeping around campus. Then there were girls like h/n, younger, filled with life but had no clue as to how to deal with it. Often living rather childishly and carrying no balance when it came to expressing themselves or developing their feminine nature. They didn’t have life figured out and it showed, and most times, they flared off exactly what they were, a bunch of teenage girls, nothing more.
Then there was you, a young woman in her prime that had already surpassed the stages of her teen years, and survived her college days, albeit you handled it gracefully since Sunghoon had already mentioned that you spent your entire time in college taking online courses, so you could stay home and help out your family. You ignored the typical college life of rotting away in a classroom, dealing with the pressures of your peers, and the late-night partying. Instead, you worked your way through during the day, diligently on your home computer, and then carried on your free time to assist with family matters. If that wasn’t already virtuous enough, you graduated with an excellent standing in your class and obtained a respectable career. You were nothing like the women and girls he’s been exposed to. The way you carried yourself confidently, gracefully, so smooth, elegant, and your pretty appeal had a sense of smoldering essence, which he found devastatingly sexy. What type of woman were you and where had you been all this time?
Throughout the entire event, Heeseung remained out of character and rather on the quiet side, which he claimed was all due to tiredness from late night studying, or so he lied when telling Sunghoon and h/n. By the end of the event, he lies once more and tells H/N that he had too much to drink to drive out to the movies or the mall, and opted to stay back with Sunghoon until the alcohol wears off before safely driving back home. H/N didn’t seem to be too upset about the ordeal, considering one of her friends had a license and a car of her own. Bidding Heeseung goodbye with a quick peck on the lips, h/n departs with her posse while Heeseung and Sunghoon assist with the cleanup.
“I’ll take this inside for you.” Taking the load of stacked plates, Heeseung effortlessly carries them away and heads towards the kitchen. “Oh thank you Heeseung.” Your mom gently responds back with.
Sunghoon helps out your dad with taking down the festive decorations and lighting, white your mother picks up the remaining trash. Placing the dishes in the sink, Heeseung turns on the faucet to lukewarm and begins filling it with warm soapy water. You walk in, inadvertently sneaking up behind, which was the most pleasant surprise for him, unbeknownst to you.
“Oh hey, you don’t have to do that, I can take care of those.” You gently speak out as you walk up to the sink. He turns his head and sees you enter the kitchen, gasping out of bewilderment. God, you were a sight for sore eyes. Where did you come from? Surely not the same way h/n and Sunghoon came into this world, you were far too ethereal in his eyes.
“Oh, it’s fine. I don't mind helping out, I do it often actually.” Knowing his way around the kitchen, he takes a sponge and starts to wash each dish. You stood next to him and grabbed a spare sponge and helped out. He was awfully tall, and despite being quiet, he seemed very nice, you could see why your family liked him. H/n had often talked about Heeseung spending a great deal of time over at your parents house, spending days after classes hanging out with her and Sunghoon,. With as much time he spent over, he was practically part of the family, it's no wonder he knew where everything in the kitchen was.
“Are you excited to be in your last year of college?” You asked calmly, making conversation as you scrubbed, and he rinsed. Displaying a wide and overly happy grin, he chuckles bashfully as he bites his lower lip. “Yeah, I am. I bet you were pretty happy when you finished.”
“Yeah, I was.” you nodded with a smile and a small giggle. “But I can’t lie, I do miss the days where all I had to focus on was being a diligent daughter and student. Being on your own and facing the world head on can be scary sometimes.” you softly state as you glanced over to him with a tender smile.
“Oh God don’t do that….don’t look at me with those beautiful shiny eyes…and that gorgeous smile of yours…..you’re making me melt…..and you don’t even know it.” 
Mentally noting the greatness of your appeal, Heeseung gently shrugged off the image of your face in order to avoid staring.
Spending the next thirty minutes washing the plates had to be the greatest highlight of his life. His heart felt as if it was going to explode, you were a bewilderment to him and he couldn’t get enough of the way you smiled, sound, and laughed. Your large dark eyes, that shiny black hair, and that damn olive complexion. God had spent extra time on you, perfecting his craft as he created the greatest gift to earth, you.
Over the timespan of weeks, Heeseung spent a great deal over at your parents’ home, which didn’t seem at all odd considering he was already coming over well before you had moved back home. Using Sunghoon and even H/n as an excuse for his visit, he relished the moments you came down to grace everyone with your presence. It was actually quite impressive how no one sensed or caught on in seeing how enamored he was with you. All those moments when he and h/n were watching Nextflix in the living room, snuggling in the corner end of the sectional couch with Sunghoon on the opposite end. You’d walk past through the hallway and enter the wide, open floor concept and head towards the kitchen when Sunghoon would gently invite you to join them.
…….
“Sis, what’re you doing? Have you watched this show? Come sit and watch it with us, it’s getting good.”
…….
Whenever you accepted the invite, and took a seat on the large couch, Heeseung took advantage of the lack of lighting, with only the TV being the source, and used it to hide the fact that he would stare and admire you during the entire show. With you facing the TV and paying attention to the plot, as did everyone else, no one ever could suspect that Heeseung was falling for you, hard. That obsessive and uncontrollable stare was something that only he knew about, and it made him yearn for you more as each day passed.
……………………
“Hey Heeseung, the company y/n works for is hosting a weeklong internship program. I know we don't have any plans to work for that corporation, but figured, why not take a week-long break away from campus and classes. You in?”
“Her company is hosting an internship for a week?”
“Yeah man. I asked her about it and even asked if she can pull some ropes and become our aid, show us around, pretty much just hang out. We can take that time to chill out.”
“Yeah, I’d like that. I’m in.”
He was in, alright, but for entirely different reasons. He could care less about taking a rest period away from campus and classes, he would spend his days in a grueling classroom for hours, wasting away, if it meant that he’d be with you.
It didn’t take much to get Heeseung and Sunghoon accepted, you pretty much had established a decent reputation within your company, so taking on the tasks of showing the two internees around, out and about, was something that was accepted without any hesitation. The first day, the two men showed up wearing proper attire of business-casual suits; you walked past the security after exiting the elevator, flaring your VIP pass. Greeting the two, Heeseung caught himself widening his eyes for the thousandth time when he saw you. You carried out your typical habit of wearing bare, minimum makeup, but this time your hair was nicely styled, and you wore an elegant haltered, collared button up midi-dress, paired with black stilettos. You not only looked professional, but sleek and powerful, much different from your carefree style you flaunted when lounging at home.
“My God…this woman is a queen…she’s classy, sexy, pretty, and smart….she’s just….she’s everything.” he thought.
“Hey, were you guys waiting for long?”
“Nah, we just got here. Pretty nice place you work at, sis.” Sunghoon comments as he winks in your direction, remarking the incredible building and strict security.
Giggling at your brother’s sense of humor, you playfully narrow your eyes at him. “Thanks.” chuckling, you tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear, something that you constantly did since you always opted to keep your hair down, even when styled. The way you would delicately finger the strands behind the helix of your ear, revealing your pretty earrings, had Heeseung swore up and down that his heart was going to stop beating.
“Should I take you guys up and show you around?” you ask, to which both men nod in agreement. They had looked so suave and handsome, and you couldn’t help but admire, whenever he wasn’t looking, that Heeseung had a very dashing smile and looked very nice in a suit. You had to admit, there was something about the way he would chuckle or smile at you; you figured he had that same effect on everyone else, yet little did you know, his countenance was far more special whenever he was looking your way. You, the woman who was stirring a rumble of chaos in his heart, all out of love and infatuation. How was he ever going to get over you? How was he going to move on if he stayed with H/N? Knowing that you’re her sister. Or…worse….how was he going to live? If things didn't work out between him and H/N…knowing that he may never see you again. As shameful it was for him to admit, but never hating the fact, he was merely keeping his relationship with H/N alive for the sole purpose to keep in constant contact with you, and even…his friendship with Sunghoon. His relation to his best friend was still dear to him, but he found it hard to find any other reason to come by your parents home, other than to see you.
During the internship, you spent a great deal of time with Sunghoon and Heeseung, even after the event had ended, your bond with both Sunghoon and Heeseung continued to grow. Since H/N was in her own little world and spent much of her time with friends and hanging out after cheerleading practice, Heeseung found himself available to build a steadfast relationship with you.
Another week later, your bond started to become much closer…with Heeseung. With Sunghoon attending his classes, some of which he did share with Heeseung, others were separate, your younger brother had aspirations for a career that differed from his best friend, not to mention the presence of a young lady he had been frequenting with. Heeseung knew about her, and encouraged his friend to take the chance after the young woman had expressed interest in his dear friend. Sunghoon agrees and ever since, you had been seeing less of him around the house. But Heeseung remained, always dropping off H/N and spending some time with her at the house, normally watching movies or tv shows. However, when H/N became more engrossed with her friends and attending house parties thrown by people she knew, her presence became lacking. Heeseung never had any interest to attend events that were filled with younger teens, so of course, he would spend more time hanging out with you. In no time,  Heeseung and you had started to become close, and even had each other’s phone numbers.
You had sold your car before the move, and had the means to get a new one, yet when Heeseung frequently offered to give you rides and encouraged you to contact him whenever you needed transportation, it became a railroad that connected you two together. You had long forgotten about buying your own vehicle, it became routine for Heeseung to meet up with you, that he did it without you even texting him. He knew your schedule and would show up promptly to take you to work, pick you up, or stop at the store along the way home. During the weekends, whenever you felt like getting away, you would call him and invite him to a day of leisure, which he happily and always accepted. He was enjoying the amount of time he got to spend with you, it became the highlight of his time. Since meeting and forming a bond with you, there hadn't been a single bad day, even when classes were overbearingly long and going past schedule, his heart and mind was only filled with the image of your face and the sound of your voice. He couldn't wait to see you every day after his classes ended.
On a gloomy Saturday morning, you had the entire house to yourself. With your parents gone on a trip until Monday, H/N out on cheerleading camp, and Sunghoon taking his new lady friend out for the entire day on a date, you felt a bit lonely and bored. Taking your phone, you text Heeseung to see if he was up to go out to your favorite cafe. He was delighted and expressed he would be right over.
Pulling up to the driveway, Heeseung steps out and heads for the front door. Having been treated as an extending member of the family, he unlocks the door with the house key that once belonged to H/N, but her terrible habit in losing the previous spare copies had allotted your parents to encourage for her to give it to Heeseung to hold on to. Since he had always picked her  and her friends up after cheer practice, and dropped them off at home, it had made sense for him to keep hold of it, especially now with H/N away at camp. Entering the house, he calls out gently to make you aware that he arrived.
“Y/N, I’m here.” 
Hearing his voice from downstairs, you make your way over to greet him. “Hey, sorry for the wait, just going to grab my phone and wallet and we can go.”
He didn’t hear a single word you said. Only the sound of your voice and the image of your perfect visual was all he could process. You chose a flirty and tasteful summer dress, which had fit you so beautifully. It was without patterns, just a solid teal color that complimented your features greatly. Your hair swayed with every move you made, and he lost his complete train of thought as you shut of the lights. With the entire first floor darkened, the dim glare from upstairs peered in through the staircase. “Oh shoot, I must have left the light on in the guest room. I’ll be right back.”
“Kay…”
Walking back up the stairs, you enter the guest bedroom that featured all of your belongings nicely staged amidst the furnishings your parents had prepared. Walking over to the lamp, you glanced over to the window next to you and noticed how magnificent the moon had looked. It was bright and full, glowing in a range of orange and golden hues. Staring off into its glorified image, you thought of the last time you had seen the moon this beautiful. It was back when you were H/N’s age, and you were about to graduate high school, immediately preparing for college entry. Lost in a sense of nostalgia, you drifted so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t even hear his footsteps going up the stairs, entering the attic, and walking up from behind. You didn’t hear his shallow breath as he breached closer, and like you, he continued to take in a sight of something dazzling, one that wasn’t pearly perched in the middle of the night sky, but was equally, if not, more beautiful.
Coming up from behind you, he calls to you. “You okay?”
“Hm? Oh…sorry. Yeah, I’m fine, I was just looking at the moon and it got me thinking for a second.”
“Yeah?...” Softly dashing a side smile, he looks out the window and peers at the moon for a moment, then looks back over to you. “What are you thinking about?”
“I just…I don’t know, I was just thinking about when I last saw the moon like this. I was h/n’s age.”
Biting down on his lip, his eyes shift down to your hips before as he takes one step closer. Looking back up at you, his gaze was more stern, hungry even, and intense. “Yeah?....Were you just as amazing back then as you are now?”
Shifting backward, your breathing becomes deep and shaky as you take in his rather fierce stare. He looked so ruthless, yet his tone was soft and gentle. “He-Heeseung….?” You spoke out nervously.
“Answer me…” he softly tells you, as he takes another step forward, and watches as you take one back. His aura and stance was intimidating, much different than his usual persona. He faintly tilts his head to the side and widens his eyes as he stares directly into you. “Tell me….y/n…..were you always as bright as the moon? And as warm as the sun? Were you always as gentle as the fluttered wings of a butterfly, and as swift as the summer breeze?”
He continues to take his steps forward, speaking in a near whisper. You kept the distance in between your bodies while taking your steps back, until you felt your shoulders meet with the wall. Lowering your hands and reaching behind, your palms contact the cool surface, and your fingers tap along the small threaded grooves of the wallpaper, desperately trying to find something…anything to get a grip or to get away from the tension…which was starting to make you cave in. “Heeseung….He-Heeseung….don’t….we….we can’t…”
“What?....”
“Just….please….” sensing the intense desire he yearned for you, his eyes become glazed with the lust of passion and hunger. “Can’t what, y/n?” he softly speaks out, now closing the distance and meeting you chest to chest. “Heeseung…please…” you whimpered out softly. His gaze was doing something to you, it was almost as if he was calling for you, and your body was responding against your wishes. There was something about the way he was whispering your name, thirsting for you with his hungry eyes, and pressing up on your body, trapping you against the wall. There was something about the way his whispered words were antagonizing you to bid a suitable answer, one that you could not think of, yet he kept asking you…
“Can’t what?....” Raising his hands, he places both palms on the wall to each side of your head. Leaning into your ear, he whispers your name. “Y/n….”
You turned your face away, winced your eyes shut and avoid any sort of both, physical and eye contact. His hard chest presses against your breasts, and his groin meets with your pelvis. “Heeseung…..sssstop…..this is wrong….”
“If it’s wrong then push me away….come on baby….push….me….like how you’ve been pushing me.”
Turning your face straight forward, you looked at him confused. He nearly glares at you as he speaks in a firm tone. “Yes….that’s right, I said ‘push me’. You’ve had no problems doing it all this time. Pushing me over the edge…pushing me out of reality….pushing me into a state of madness and hunger……pushing me to love you harder….”
Widening your eyes at what seemed to be his confession of love to you, you shift around and placed your hands on his chest, gently pushing him outward, yet you weren’t pushing hard enough. You were shocked. Was Heeseung really in love with you? But more importantly…were you just now realizing that you might be feeling the same about him? You shook your head, trying to come back to a rational sense and reminded yourself of h/n and her relationship with Heeseung. Keeping your hands on him, you push just slightly harder, yet he leans forward, causing your arms and hands to retract back.
“Push harder….” He whispers against your cheek.
“Heesung we can’t…..we can’t do this…”
“Then push harder…” grabbing onto your hand as it lays plastered on his chest, he strokes the back of your palm as he continues to whisper onto your skin. “Come on baby….push harder.”
The way his pursed lips grazed against your skin, and the way his voice sounded when he called you ‘baby’, it may have been weakness or desperation, maybe it was a little bit of both, either way, you stopped caring. You came to realize the truth behind the close bond you built with this man, and how you came to be so fond of him. How his smile always caused your heartbeat to escalate, and how his voice sounded whenever he said your name, causing your stomach to flip upside down. Once more, he whispers deeply, this time, it was against your lips, all the while he stared into your hazy eyes.
“Push it…..keep pushing it y/n……”
Whimpering, you falter. “I…..I…….”
“Yeah?...” his voices begin to peak.
“I……Heeseung…..”
Smothering his lips against yours, you melt in his sudden embrace. You reach up and wrap your arms around his neck, further going numb when you felt his arms grip around your waist and lifts you to deepen that hold he had on you. Softly moaning into your mouth, he deepens the kiss and feeds his tongue as deep as he possibly could. Running out of air, you both wait til the very last second upon reaching the pinnacle of lightheadedness, before faintly breaking the kiss. With his nose pressed against yours, he tightens his wrap and lifts you higher, causing you to close any remaining distance as you wrap your legs around his waist. Walking over to the bed, he gently lays you down on the plush bedding. Your arms fling up and over your head, with your hair gracefully spread all around. Reaching up, his hands smooth their way above your head and grab onto your hands, slowly intertwining your fingers together. From there, his kisses trail down to your chin, and to your throat. He smothers you with one kiss after another, before coming back up, just below the lobe of your ear. With your face peeled to the side, and your chest heaving upwards from the denseness of his weight on top, you arch your back and dip your hips low, craving for more of his touch. Whispering into your ear, he unleashes the depth of his braved confession.
“You have no idea….just how much I’ve been wanting you. How many days and nights went by where I thought about you…just you. There’s nothing in my life that I ever wanted more than what I have right before me….pretty girl you should be mine….only mine….and I should be yours.”
Fluttering your eyelids up, growing weak from your shaky breathing and the throbbing tingle that taps your core, there was no way you wanted him to stop, but the thought of h/n came to mind and you gave it your last shot to be mentally strong….despite your heart wanting him all for yourself.
“Hee—Heeseung…..but….what about….m-my sister…?”
Keeping his lips latched onto your neck, he whispers in response. “I like her….” propping himself up, he hooks on the hem of his t-shirt, slowly lifting it up and over his head, revealing his hardened muscles. Flinging it off to the side, he stares down at you with almost a cynical stare, one that was psychotic, but filled with love. “But I love you….”
Gasping at the sight before you, you moan and whimper as you reach up and reaffirm the hold around his neck, bringing him closer to you. Never have you felt such intense love from someone. You have dabbled into the dating life and had a couple of boyfriends since college, but nothing too serious. This….this was something far more crazy….intense….insane even…..but it was a love that you knew that was too good to deny.
Draping your hands down onto his biceps, you arch your back sharply, pressing your breasts against his chest upon feeling his hands traveling low. Swooping under your thighs, he lifts and guides them to wrap around his waist as he rolls the hem of your dress up and coils it around your waist. Hooking his fingers on your panties, he starts ripping them apart. So eager to have you, he couldn’t quite understand anything other than satisfying the hunger he had been feeling since meeting you. He became a beast, a ravishing monster that needed to be tamed, and the only one that could do it, was you. You gasped upon feeling the tugging of him ripping the fabric of your underwear apart, yet were quieted down when he faintly breaks the kiss and places a single finger atop of your lips. “Its okay…..baby, I’m not going to hurt you….I’m just going to feed on you….” Resuming the kiss, he twirls his tongue inside, ever so lovingly. You feel his hands tug on the straps of your dress and pulls them loosely over your shoulders and exposes your breasts to the warmth of his chest as he cradles you in a sweet embrace. Your thighs begin to shake as you rub your fingers up and down his biceps, and moan into his mouth.
Locking your lips in, he delivers a single, sharp buck from his hip, hitting you semi-hard in between your legs. Yelping out of intense pleasure, you release a trailing moan into his mouth as he prevents you from breaking the kiss entirely. Sensing your nerves calming, he delivers another hit from his hip, this time grinding the clothed bulge into your core. You gasp for air upon feeling the mixture of pleasure and friction, causing you to become delirious and lost in the heat of passion. Smirking into your mouth, knowing full well that he was getting you weaker by the second, he delivers a series of repeated dry thrusts that gets you yelling out a trail of gasping moans.
“Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!”
“Yeah?…yeah? Come on baby….” Clenching his jaw, his thrusts become harder. “Show me how pretty you look, as MY girl...my pretty woman..”
You nearly lose your voice as you continue to moan slurred words and incomplete sentences, all starting off with his name. Propelling his weight off, he unbuckles his belt, and removes his jeans. His nude body now fully connects as you remain mostly bare, with only your flirty dress rolled around your waist, leaving you exposed beneath the tatters and loose ends of the fabric. Kneeling between your legs, he remains propped up high and mighty, leaving you merciless beneath his glaring smirk. Taking you by the waist, he drags you closer, and grinds into you as he takes his shaft and strokes it in between your plush folds. Watching as the skin surrounding your slit caresses his shaft, he triggers your body to secrete the hint of slick moisture, gently glazing his member. Chuckling while admitting a dashing smirk, he looks into your eyes directly, giving a harsh and relentless stare. He didn’t look as soft and gentle as he had all this time since you’ve known him. His eyes were much sharper, defined, and narrowed, and he had a dashing yet devious smirk that was much different than the traditionally handsome one he flares off. It was as if he was taken over by something, a hunger that manifested out of the great desire and love he had developed for you, almost immediately after seeing you for the first time. Was it love at first sight? Or were you just everything he had always dreamed of, yet thought too good to be true to exist? Either way, the moment was here, where he finally had you in his arms. Even he, himself, doesn’t know what exactly was coming over him, but that remained irrelevant as he gazed on the magnificent view beneath him. The suppleness of your skin on your breasts, the smoothness of your legs, and the loveliness of your delicate slit, which he could not wait to plunge in.
Licking his lip, his lids grow heavy and for a moment, you somewhat came back to your senses, but it was too late. With his hand firmly gripping your waist, he takes the base of his shaft and slowly begins to enter. You grab onto his hand immediately upon feeling the bulge pushing past your enclosed cavity. Your body hitches up and forward, reacting to the sting of his rather large and lengthy muscle, only for him to drag you back towards him.
“Ah! Wait…..I….” your breaths transition into raging pants from the immense pressure. It had been too long, and you had forgotten that unique and painful sensation of your walls breaching, but with Heeseung, it was ten times more blistering given his thick girth and exaggerated length.
“Shh….its okay baby….I’m right here. I’m going to make you feel good…”
Feeling each inch sliding in, your thighs start to shake, and your pelvis grows numb. The beat of pain starts to disappear and after a few seconds, all you feel is the pressure of your walls separating. Deep inside lays your soft and tender spot, and after looking at seeing how largely endowed he was, he reaches it, as you expected. Your chest deeply heaves and your back arches even more, expanding the volume of your moans to beat off the walls. Your body rolls and curls, causing your hips to surf up and down, gently tapping against his groin and letting him know that you were wanting more. So more much. Your hands move up but could only reach his naval region as he remained on his kneeling position, while you laid restlessly taking in the plunge. Your fingers delicately drag down and tap against his skin, shakily. He lets out another deep chuckle.
“Heh heh…you ready for me?” Trailing his hand across your chest, he firmly takes hold on the side of your neck. Answering him, you nod eagerly, but nervously. Smiling while breathing out unsteady exhales, amidst feeling the pressures of your tight walls hugging his cock, he releases a shaky chuckle. “My woman…”
Thrusting in the remaining bit of his shaft, he pelts himself all the way in. Your eyes jolt wide with a look of pain and slight fear as you gasp out a yelping moan.
“Oh fuck….keep looking at me like that….you’re so……fuck….” He gasps out as he picks up the pace and thrusts harder and deeper. Faster and faster, he expands the horizon of his sight as he views your facial expression, the movement of your breasts bouncing at high velocity, and how his cock was violating your womanhood. Just as much he was enjoying it, so were you. Seeing how monstrous he was in fucking you, had only thrilled you. The level of intimidation of his manhood and abrasiveness, all accompanying his will to please you, and himself, became the best feeling in the world that you could ever experience. Shifting your grip, you grab onto the blankets to each side of your face and moaned out every inch of ecstasy that he gave. Beating it into you, his cock throbs and pulsates, causing him to fuck you even faster and deeper. This man, your younger sister’s boyfriend, was giving it to you so good, you didn’t want it to end. At that moment, you didn’t care about the outcome of all this, it felt too good to give it up, the more he plunged in, the more you screamed out his name. He went on, and on, and on.
“Ugh! He-Heeseung!”
“Fuck…..” With his hand still maintaining a side grip on your neck, his thumb swipes up and down the center of your throat as he continues his merciless thrusts. “Oh fuck…fuck fuck fuck…..” he gasped out in whispering groans. “You’re so fucking perfect….I could fuck you forever……”
Going in even faster and harder, your body becomes a blur of your tone and complexion as it succumbs to his aggressive thrusting, causing you to bounce relentlessly up and down against the bedspread. Your head pins down on the pillow as he keeps you steady with his hold, using it as leverage to bring you in each time he thrusts back inside.
“Oh my God…!!” You gasp out in a smoldering tone, causing him to twitch inside as he heard the pleasures within your voice. The moment you felt the knot snap, you had the entire penetrating area soaked as you continuously gush out the pleasures of your orgasm. Watching as his cock glistens in between his thrusts, he growls out your name. His hand twitches its grip, and you feel his fingers faintly digging into your skin. Shifting his hold, his hand moves upwards, caressing your cheek, while his thumb swipes over your lips as you catch your breath. Releasing his essence, he remains buried inside and pumps every ounce of his hard labor inside of you. Sliding out, he exits out of your cavity, leading out a trail of his cum to not only seep and pool inside your walls, but to also decorate the exterior of your sex as he spills his seeds on your clit.
Leaning into a crawling stance above your tired and weakened form, he trails the tip of his nose along your throat and up to your chin. Embracing you in a passionate kiss, he rests his body next to you and pulls you in to a tight hug, leaving small kisses along your helix while he simultaneously tucks your hair behind it. Caressing your face with his fingers, he continues to show every ounce of his love, even after displaying his vigored performance in filling you with it. After catching your breaths, you broke the ice, even though you were enjoying the soft silence.
“….What happens now?....”
Heeseung remained aloof. He knew what he wanted, and nothing, even your eighteen-year-old sister, wasn’t going to keep him from keeping you. Hugging you tightly, whispers as he buries his face into your hair.
“What’s going to happen….is you continue to be mine, and leave everything else to me. I’ll deal with H/N. Just stay here and be mine…and only mine.”
You turn your face half way to flare your side profile at him. “Promise you’re going to be nice and go easy on her?”
“Why wouldn’t I be nice? I’ll be as nice as I can about it, and to her. But I’m always going to be nicer to you.” Leaning into your ear once more, he whispers. “Because I may like your sister….but I love you.”
Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 
☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow
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eddieschains · 1 year
Text
Come Back… Be Here
Joseph Quinn X Fem!reader
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A/N: this is a repost in case it’s familiar to anyone 🫣😭
Word Count: 2.7k
TW// RPF (don’t like it, don’t read it), 18+, oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), praise kink, let me know if i missed anything !!
3 months in. That’s all it took for you to realize this was more than a spring fling. You never said anything. You didn’t want to rush in too quickly, but after that trip to the airport, you wish you would’ve.
You knew he would have to leave eventually. He was an actor of course, which meant a lot of traveling and spending time apart. You just didn’t realize how soon it would happen.
His management did most of his scheduling for him, and for that you wanted to curse them for taking him away from you. New York, London, LA, the cycle never ended. And it never failed to leave you alone.
The drive to the airport was quiet, nothing but the radio and the sounds of your breathing as you held his hand in yours. A feeling you weren’t ready to let go of just yet.
You accompanied him inside, savoring every last moment you could get with him before he caught his flight. You sat with him as he went over his emails again and again, making sure he was prepared for everything.
You wanted to tell him. Tell him how much you love him. How you love the way his nose scrunches up when he’s focused. How you love the way his ears get red when he’s nervous. How you love the way his eyes sparkle when he’s excited. How you love how passionate he is about his work. How you love being in his presence, even just for a moment.
“I guess I should get going now.” He blurts out, awaking you from your trance. You smile, getting up from your seat as he takes your hand in his. “I don’t want to go.”
Maybe he’ll say it first? But he doesn’t. He just stares at the way your hand fits perfectly in his. “I don’t want you to go either.” You whisper.
“I’ll be back soon. I’ll text or call every night so you know i’m thinking about you. I-“ This is it. He’s going to say it. “I’ll miss you.” Shit.
He cups your jaw with his hand, admiring your face before pulling you in for a kiss. A kiss that you know will leave a burning sensation on your mouth for the next 2 months.
He pulls back and smiles before walking towards his gate, leaving you to watch him from the wings. You feel a pit in your stomach, the kind that can only be released through tears. But you don’t allow yourself to fall even deeper in your sorrow.
The next week rolls by and all you can do is think about Joe. You distract yourself with work, but everything reminds you of him. He sends thinking of you x texts everyday, but it’s not enough. All you want to do when you go home is fall asleep to the sound of his voice, but time differences don’t allow that to happen.
The week after that is even harder. Fewer texts trickling in throughout the day, other than to tell you where he is in the world. It’s always too far away from where you are.
Your friends can obviously tell how hard it’s been for you to be away from him, so they invite you out for drinks to try and get your focus off of it.
“Has he texted you at all today?” Your friend asks, swirling her glass of wine in her hand.
“Uh yeah, I guess he’s in New York today, London tomorrow.” You respond, looking down at your lap.
“That’s a crazy schedule.” Your other friend laughs. “Hopefully you’ll be able to see him again soon.” All you can add to the conversation is a muted mm-hmm before changing the topic.
All you can think about is how much you wish you would’ve told him how you felt before he left. Maybe he would’ve said he felt the same. Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard to be away from him knowing that you were both in the same place.
The last thing he told you was that he was going out for drinks before catching his flight to London. And of course that got your brain running.
Are there any girls there? Are they pretty? Of course they’re pretty. Is he cheating on me? God, why wouldn’t he? Look at yourself compared to them.
You cut the night with your friends short so you could ‘get some rest’, but in reality your anxiety has creeped up once again, and all you wanted was to lay in bed and mope around.
Once you get home, you decide to call Joe and see how his night went, see if he’s landed in London yet. You lay on the bed, phone sat on your pillow as it rings and rings until you reach his voicemail.
You feel a pit in your stomach when you hear the beep. You decide to try again, thinking maybe he didn’t get to it in time. Hello, your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system. Fuck.
That’s all it takes for the tears to start flowing and for your head to start spinning. You bury your head into the pillow, muffling your cries as you begin to talk to yourself.
“I guess you’re in London today. I don’t want to need you this way. Come back…” You sniffle a sob back into your throat. “Be here…”
You don’t remember how the night ended. All you know is you woke up with tears staining your comforter as your phone still laid on top of your pillow.
The heavy rain pour outside is the only thing that woke you up. And now you were faced once again with the fact that Joe wasn’t with you.
You check your phone to see if he got your calls, and there’s nothing. Not a single text or call back. You fall deeper into your pillow, trying to cry but realizing there’s no more tears left.
You’re soon awoken from your trance when you hear a knock on the door. You try to ignore it, not wanting to face the outside world today, but whoever is standing there keeps persisting.
You gather enough strength to pull yourself out of bed, ready to tell whoever was on your porch at 7am to fuck off.
When you open the door, you freeze. Time freezes. Your body freezes. Your brain freezes. There stood Joe soaking wet from the rain coming down on him, staring into your soul with those beautiful brown eyes you missed so much.
It feels like hours fly by of just standing in silence before he breaks it. “I love you. I needed to say it in person.”
You don’t even know if you’re comprehending what he’s just said, as you keep your feet planted in the doorway. He pulls you out of the house and into the rain with him.
“I love you, I missed you, and I need you too. I don’t want to leave you ever again.” His hands are placed firmly on your waist as he dips his head down to catch your lips in his. Neither of you caring about the rain consuming your clothes. You pull away, ushering him inside before grabbing a towel to dry him off.
You sit on your bed as he stands above you, drying himself off as much as he can. “Joe…” He turns around, focusing his gaze on you. “I love you too.”
Joe smiles, taking a seat on the bed next to you. “I know you do.” He pulls your hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek in his hand and rubbing softly.
You hold on to his wrist, pulling yourself closer to him before kissing him, deep. Deeper than you’d ever kissed him before. Those imaginary sparks that everyone talks about are flying around the room as you two passionately match each others speed and movement with your mouths.
You pull yourself on top of his lap without breaking the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck while his hands find the small of your back.
You move your hips on top of him, slowly and in some ways involuntarily, as he groans into your mouth.
“Can we?” You ask softly, nipping at the skin of his jaw.
“We can do whatever you want to do. I’m yours.” He responds, sucking light bruises into the side of your neck.
You sit up, removing your shirt to reveal nothing underneath. Without a word, his mouth immediately catches the skin of your tits, making you moan as you play with his hair in between your fingers
You’re still grinding yourself on his clothed cock as you feel it starting to grow. He stands up, still holding your body in his arms before placing you on the bed, left completely naked in front of him. He takes a moment to admire your beauty before ridding himself of his own clothes.
Of course you two have had sex before, well only once, but you never saw each other in such a vulnerable state. The feeling was unmatched, the anticipation of giving yourselves up to the other coursing through your bodies.
He climbs on top of you, returning to the comfort of your lips as he grinds his cock into you. The feeling of your wetness pooling around his tip was enough to make him shudder and groan into you.
“Can I taste you baby?” He moans into your ear. You two had never done that before, and while you were nervous, you felt safe with him. A feeling that allowed you to let him do nearly anything to you.
You nod as he pulls you in for another kiss before sinking his body towards the end of the bed. He pulls your legs apart, moaning at the sight in front of him. You could feel your arousal dripping on to the bed as he spread your lips apart.
“So pretty baby.” He whispers, peppering kisses to your inner thighs. He takes his middle finger and runs it up and down your slit, gathering your slick before popping it into his mouth. “Mmm tastes good too.” Moaning at the sight, you buck your hips up, searching for some kind of friction.
He senses your urgency, and wastes no more time before licking a long stripe from your entrance up to your clit. “Fuck.” You moan out, your hands reaching for his hair.
He looks up at you, keeping eye contact while he gathers yourself on his tongue. He keeps moving his tongue up and down before finally attaching himself to your clit. You scream his name as your grip on his hair gets tighter.
He alternates between licking and sucking on your bud, the sound of your juices mixed with your moans fill the room. He brings a finger to your entrance, playing and circling around it as he looks to you for permission. You moan a please before he pushes inside of you.
He moves his finger slowly, all while continuing to suck your clit into his mouth. Your hips are grinding into his face, pushing him to move faster. And he does just that, curling his fingers every time they entered you again. You feel your orgasm creeping up as your legs begin to shake.
He holds your legs in place, not relenting on his assault on your pussy. He looks up at you again, continuing to push into you. The wave of pleasure comes over you seconds later, your back arching into the ceiling as you scream out his name.
He continues flicking his tongue up and down your pussy to help you through your orgasm. Once you’ve come down a little bit, he moves back up to your face, pushing his lips into yours and allowing you to taste yourself.
“Do you have a condom?” He asks, bucking his hips into yours.
“Birth control babe.” You giggle as he hums in understanding.
He sits up on top of you, grabbing his member in his hand before sliding it up and down your dripping cunt. “Ready?” You nod, grabbing onto his biceps as he slowly pushes inside of you. You hiss at the feeling, still not used to his size. “You okay?” He asks, bringing a hand to your cheek.
You nod, and tell him to keep going. He pushes further, feeling you clench around him. “Hey we can stop if it’s too much baby.”
“No no keep going please. I want this, I need this.” You respond with a smile. He nods, slowly moving more of himself in you until he bottoms out.
“God you’re so tight.” He moans, throwing his head back. “Just let me know when I can move, okay?”
“You can move, I can handle it.” You breathe out. He moves his head down to pull you in for a kiss before slowly pulling out, and gliding back in.
You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer to you while continuing to move your lips with his. His movements speed up once he feels your body relax under his.
You’ve never been so intimate with anyone before. Not like this. It feels like your souls are connecting and your bodies have become one. The feeling of being so in love with each other in just these short few months was enough to make both of you explode.
“Faster, Joe. Please.” You beg, as he follows your command. He thrusts deeper and faster, all while his gaze never leaves yours. You feel him snake his hand in between you, placing it on your clit and applying just the right amount of pressure.
“I’m gonna cum soon, can you cum for me again baby?” He doesn’t even have to ask, as you’re already on the brink once again.
He rubs furious circles on your clit while thrusting into you. Each thrust hitting deeper and harder than the last. The sound of your moans is all you can focus on, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.
“Cum for me baby, please.” He pleads one last time before you’re moaning his name for what felt like the millionth time today. “God yes. That’s it baby. Such a good girl.” He praises you, attaching his lips to yours.
His thrusts become more erratic, pushing himself towards his own orgasm. He’s panting and groaning on top of you as you keep repeating I love you, I love you, I love you into his ear. He thrusts a few more times before he falls on top of you with a deep groan, the feeling of his cum filling you as you hold him in your arms.
You place kisses along his neck and his shoulder as he comes down from his high, panting into the crook of your neck. The two of you lay in your post-orgasmic bliss, holding each other, neither of you wanting to let go.
Once you two finally reach a conscious state again, he pulls out of you, kissing your neck to distract from the emptiness.
He carries you into the bathroom with him, setting you on the sink while he runs a bath. You think back to what he said when he showed up on your porch this morning, wondering what he meant.
“Joe.” He mumbles an mm as he turns to face you. “What did you mean when you said you needed me too?”
He looks at you, scanning the confusion on your face before realizing you don’t remember what you did last night.
“Honey… you left me a voicemail. Do you not remember?”
You think back to last night before it hits you. You never hung up when you started crying out for him. Fuck. He heard it.
“So you came back because you felt bad?” You ask, tears starting to form.
He walks towards you, cupping your face in his hands. “God no. I was already on my way to you before I heard it. I love you. I fell in love with you in the first month. I love the way your eyes flutter open when you first wake up. Or the way you chew on your lip when you’re really focused. I love your crooked smile, and the way your hair gets messy in the wind. I love you. All of you.”
You smile softly, a tear falling down your cheek as you listen to him. A comforting feeling that you’ve never felt before immediately washing over you. You wrap your hands around his wrists and lean forward to peck his lips ever so gently. “I love you, Joseph Quinn. More than you’ll ever know.”
He smiles, pecking your lips again. “I know, sweetheart, I know.”
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barbwritesstuff · 9 months
Text
Thicker Than December Update
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The update link:
Thicker Than Free Demo
Update info:
As of the 26th of December 2023
Finished Chapter Six
Started work on Chapter Seven (currently incomplete)
Added explicit scene with Freya in Chapter Four
Several bug and spelling fixes
Additional Words: 27,104 (excluding commands)
Total Word Count: 175,440 (excluding commands )
Other links:
Supporting me on KoFi helps ensures my ongoing survival, which I really do appreciate.
You can email me at barbara truelove writes at g mail dot com.
I have a website that I spent actual money on. I'm not sure why, but it's pretty.
If you like the way I write vampires maybe consider checking on the first story in this series, Blood Moon, which is about werewolves and is polished and pretty in a way this very much isn't.
Other free games can be found on my itch.io page.
My ramblings:
Merry Christmas and happy full moon. I really hope, wherever you are in the world, you’re having a great day. I won’t be able to see the moon tonight thanks to a circling storm cloud, but I’m hoping it’ll clear up tomorrow and I can do some stargazing.
I’ve managed to get quite a few words down this month, so I’m really happy about that. Chapter Six is finished, and I’ve started work on Chapter Seven. Chapter Seven is still in the early stages. Depending on your previous choices, it may not even exist yet on certain playthroughs. I’m sorry about that. It’s going to take some time to fill in all the different routes and bring them all together again.
I’ve also gone back to Chapter Four and added some more content in for Freya because several people told me they weren’t really vibing with her romance arc. I’m really glad I did that because I think speeding up her romance route makes a lot of sense and it flows better overall.
I’ve also done a lot of little edits scattered throughout. Nothing super major, but I hope it improves the flow of certain scenes.
On a more technical note: I’ve been having a weird issue with the automatic Choicescript tests in CSIDE. The random_test has been slowing to a crawl and/or freezing. It doesn’t spit out any errors, and the quick_test has been working fine, so I’m really not sure why this has started to happen. It may mean there is an infinite loop error somewhere in Chapter 6 or 7. If so, I haven’t been able to find it. If anyone encounters a page that loads forever but doesn’t show any text, please let me know. The game won’t be able to be submitted to Hosted Games if it can’t pass a random_test, so I really want to sort this out sooner rather than later.
If you spot any other errors, large or small, I’d be really grateful if you could let me know. Thicker Than is big enough now that it’s a little unwieldy to navigate, and hard to edit. I’m really grateful to the people who’ve taken the time to send me things which don’t look quite right. It’s so insanely helpful and really encouraging knowing you’re rooting for Thicker Than to succeed.
💙
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sports-on-sundays · 11 months
Note
It kills me to see all the requested: nope! In your fanfics
How about, reader struggles to sleep due to the stress of her work & travelling so he comforts her and helps her sleep? I’ll take any f1 driver or barca player.
help me sleep / Pedri González
Summary: Pedri x girlfriend!reader
Warnings: censored cussing, sobbing, work problems, stress, anxiety
Requested?: YEs! yEs!!!!! YES, MATE, IT IS REQUESTED!!!!
Author's Note: First request, baby!!! I love you so much bestie! <3 I'm so happy you saw my subtle-not-subtle begs for requests 😭!!! And I hope it's okay I chose Pedri; the other day I was having major I-Miss-Pedri syndrome that we've all been having for the past however many months (I don't even want to think about how long it has been) so I decided as a tribute to my boy, the first request on my blog should be him.
I say 'tribute' as if he's dead or something 😭
I feel like I'm acting way too excited about this request for it to be normal, but that's okay! I'm happy, and I owe it all to you! Now, let's get into this-
Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock went the clock on the wall. That stupid old clock that wasn't even set to the right time. You sat on the living room couch, at 2:34 A.M., dealing with work sh*t.
You walked in this evening, feeling ready to literally collapse, and was greeted by your boyfriend as the welcoming committee. It was sweet. He had bought you your favorite treat and flowers and everything and let you snack on it. Had a little snuggle with you. And the moment you stood up, telling him you had to unpack from your long work trip, he pulled you back down on the couch. "No way," he had said. "You're tired. Your bags can wait 'til tomorrow. For now, just relax."
And he really had convinced you. He really had. Soon after that, you had gone to your bedroom and gotten snuggled in together, and within minutes, you were fast asleep.
Only to wake up three hours later. You stared at the ceiling for a solid fifteen minutes, unable to fall back asleep as the stress of work and everything you hadn't gotten done and needed to get done crushed you.
Realizing there was no chance of you falling back to sleep now, you slipped out of bed as slowly as you could, as to not wake up your boyfriend, and quietly walked (or rather, stumbled, because of the extreme lack of sleep) to the living room.
And so now you sit on the couch, barely alive, feeling like a lump on a log but on steroids, dealing with work sh*t.
Suddenly, you get a message from one of your co-workers, though. Bad news... You click on it, and in the moment, with everything you've already gone through within the last seventy-two hours, this is enough.
You swallow, your phone slipping out of your hands. I'm trying so hard. How could my job be on the line? Your head falls into your hands, and you let out a angry groan, letting out quick, little breaths.
God, I can't do this. I can't do this anymore. I need help. Please, I need help. I just can't keep doing this any longer. I can't do this anymore.
Your eyes well up, and that turns into a tear. And that tear turns into another one. And those tears turn into crying. And crying into weeping. Tired, pathetic, pitiful weeping, until you're flat-out sobbing, unable to control it. The world spins as another glowing text comes in on your phone on the rug and your laptop shows more emails and the bags in the corner of the room are still full of your things from the work trip and and and and and...
Suddenly, strong, warm arms around your trembling body. You lean into your boyfriend's body, blubbering between gasps, "Pedri you weren't supposed to wake up... I know you're going through a lot too... I don't want to stress you out... I'm sorry..."
"Shhh," he soothes, rubbing your back. "Do you really think you're on your own? My love, we help and love each other. You can be vulnerable. I know it's hard. Don't you think for a second that I don't want to help you."
"This isn't your problem..."
"Your problem is my problem, because I love you," he mutters close to your ear. He gently closes your laptop and powers off your phone. "You don't need to worry about that right now."
"Pedri-" You grip his shirt, looking at him slightly manically. "Yes I do. I could lose my job."
His jaw tightens, but he says, "What you're doing is impossible. If you lose your job because it's too hard, then maybe you shouldn't be in this job. And it's not because you're a failure. It's because you're expected to do much more than anyone should be able to handle. If you lose your job, I'll be the first to support you until you can get a new one. Okay? But we don't even need to worry about that right now, okay?"
"But-"
Suddenly he takes your wet, tear-stained cheeks in his hands, and looks at you earnestly right in the eyes. "But right now, you need to calm down. Come on; why don't we go to the bedroom, okay?"
"Uh- y- yeah," you get up, feeling terrible at how much a mess you are. Pedri walks to the bedroom with you, his arm around your shoulders the whole time. He fetches a damp rag and gently wipes your face with the cool towel. You shut your eyes, letting out a shaky breath as Pedri pulls the blanket up to your torso. You lean back, sitting upright on the blanket.
"Can I get anything for you?" he asks after he finishes, taking your hand gently.
You shake your head 'no'. "Just sit down. All I need is you."
He nods and slips onto the bed and under the blanket next to you. Straight away, you lean your head on his shoulder and clutch his hand in yours. "Y/n, you know that it'll be okay," he murmurs. Not even a question. A fact. You know that you'll be okay.
"But Pedri, what if..."
"No 'what if's right now, okay?" He pulls you closer to you, rubbing your shoulders. You sit quietly together for a while, before Pedri slowly sinks into a laying down position, pulling you down with him. You snuggle close to him, resting your head on his chest. When you yawn, he says, "You're tired. Anything I can do to help you sleep?"
You breathe gently. "Just... talk to me."
He nods and starts whispering. At first, you listen to the sweet little things he's saying as he gently strokes your hair, but soon you're too tired to comprehend them. Soon your eyes are fluttering shut, and your mind is switching from daytime thoughts to nighttime dreaming.
Within your dream, you feel a soft kiss on your forehead and Pedri's perfect sweet-as-honey voice murmur, "Buenas noches, mi amor."
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charyou-tree · 4 months
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I'm trying to hype myself up to come out to my parents as trans tomorrow. I'm planning on sending them a long letter I've been working on composing explaining the situation via email , with a text to prompt them to read it. I want to give everyone involved some time to formulate their thoughts before we talk.
I'm traveling home for 4th of july and although I haven't medically transitioned I really don't want to grow my beard back out, and I'd prefer not to lie and deflect about why I suddenly shaved. I'm probably overthinking it, but I just hate feeling like I'm keeping secrets from the important people in my life, and quite honestly I don't want to keep pretending to be a guy when I can safely get away with it. I've been agonizing over whether I was trans for years now, I want to stop hesitating and enjoy being a girl. And if I'm going to come out to them, I don't want to show up the day before a big family party and surprise them with a huge life event and have everybody have to process that on the spot as guests are arriving. I'd rather tell them sooner so that everyone has a few weeks to get used to the idea of me being a girl before I visit.
I'm fortunate, I'm 99% sure they'll accept me as Claire. I've already come out to them as Bi, as has my wife, and they've been cool with my trans and nonbinary friends. My folks were understanding when one of my cousins was struggling with their gender.
That only makes it so much less scary to explain to your parents that their idea of their child is wrong in a fundamental way, not to mention the danger that identity puts them in.
And more than just that, I feel like telling my family makes it real. Like, if I were to entertain the trans impostor syndrome in my head and decide that this was all a big mistake and un-come-out to my friends it would be a bit embarrassing, but ultimately nothing about my life would change in any meaningful way. But once my family and wider social circle knows a lot of people will see me fundamentally differently forever, no matter what I do. Once I share this secret I can't go back to comfortably pretending to be a guy even if I should want to. Now being trans isn't just a fun roleplay that I do for my internet friends (and a tiny circle of IRL friends), now its my actual fulltime identity. Its a scary but necessary step.
I know I won't regret doing it, but the minutes between sending them that email and getting a call back will be some of the longest in my life. I've been stressing about it all week, I need to get this over with.
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babygorewhore · 1 year
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Tied up. Stan bowes Smut.
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You’re tired of working your useless job. Until one night you see an advertisement listing. You accept. What happens next?
WARNINGS! Bdsm themes. Daddy kink. Fingering. Oral! Fem recieving. Ropes. Age gap! Pnv!
You took another swig of the drink in front of you. You had worked late again. Your clothes were wrinkled, you needed to shower but you had to stop at the bar first.
“Another round?” The bartender asked, raising his brow when he saw the empty glass. You opened your mouth to say no, considering you had to work again tomorrow, but you decided to say fuck it.
You nodded and he proceeded to pour the liquor into the glass, sliding it over to you.
The television played the news, showing the same tragic events that happened yesterday. You hated watching it. All the negativity. All the people turning against one another. It made you sick.
You were a housekeeper. At a hospital of all places. You’d been there for two years. Your back permanently tilted from lugging around buckets and a trash can all day. Your scrubs were stained from bleach, your hair thrown up in a bun and you hadn’t worn real clothes in a week. You were only 21 years old, living in a shitty apartment downtown.
If you quit your job, you’d have to move back in with your parents and that’s not what you wanted. You wanted independence and freedom yes but you also wanted security and the ability to enjoy things around you. Everything was so fucking depressing.
You hadn’t been on a date, other than driving through a parking lot with some football player who tried to shove his hand up your skirt an hour later and you slapped him across the face. Your life wasn’t interesting. But you craved intimacy. Something. Something to make your life more enjoyable.
As you rode in the Uber, scrolling your phone you saw a ad on a job search that you forgot to unsubscribe too. “Wanted housekeeper.” It said. The pricing was more than you made and one day less than you worked.
Biting your lip as you walked inside your apartment, you looked around the room. You kept it tidy, given your job but you groaned when you saw it was after midnight. You’d have to be up soon. You glanced back at the add. Cleaning a house? Verses a hospital. Again, you decided to say fuck it. You clicked on the application and added your resume, contact information and photo. Throwing off your shoes, snapping off your bra, you climbed into bed and turned on your comfort show you’ve watched for the 100th time.
Your eyes drifted shut before you felt your phone buzz.
Groaning, you rolled over and selected your phone. It was an email. The message from from a name, Stan Bowes. And you skimmed the text before opening it. “When can you start?” It read. You sat up, surprised at the fast response. Normally that would be a red flag but you were desperate.
You typed. “Two days.”
Waiting, you shimmied out of your scrubs and laid back down. Your phone lit up and you checked it. “Done. Here’s the address.” You breathed harder. That’s it? You had a new job. Sighing, you curled into a ball and fell asleep.
You arrived at the house two days later, wearing your stained scrubs. It was big, bigger than the house you grew up in and you realized something as you reached underneath the welcome Matt for the key. As you opened the door, the entrance welcomed you. This guy was rich, you thought while closing the door behind you.
Modern furniture, art and shiny hardwood floor adorned the living room. Your feet padded the space and you frowned. It was pristine. You went into the large kitchen, an island was wiped off. The dishes put away, and it even smelled clean.
Was this the right address? You checked again on your phone. It was the right address.
You climbed up the stairs, opened up the first door on the right. Finally, you saw the mess. Clothes thrown everywhere. The bed unmade. Trash bags everywhere. You nodded to yourself and set down your cleaning supplies. This would take you a few hours, with that including vacuuming, dusting and cleaning the window. You knew how to extend your time, making the pay fair.
The hours went by, you finished the bedroom and made your way to the downstairs. You felt unsure of what to do, you could vacuum and mop the already clean floor. Deciding to do that, you started humming to yourself as you twirled the cord. This was significantly more peaceful than scrubbing blood off hospital floors but you worried. Was this is? Cleaning a bedroom and tidying an already clean rest of the house?
The door opened and you turned, wiping your hands on your pant leg. A man entered, holding a briefcase and he was wearing a suit. He was handsome, brown hair, brown eyes with a strong nose. He was taller than you, lean muscle. 30s, you guessed. Younger than you imagine for having a house this big.
“Oh, hello, Y/N, right?” He asked. You nodded, and extended your hand for a shake.
He gripped your palm, shaking it gently. “Stan. Stan Bowes.” You smiled in greeting, feeling nervous by his attractive face.
“You’ve done a wonderful job.” He noted, glancing around the room.
“Well-honestly it was already clean when I arrived, Mr. Bowes. I’m a little worried to be honest. There wasn’t much for me to actually clean.” You confessed.
“I know. I wanted to be private about this job, because I couldn’t advertise my real intention.” He said, sinking onto the couch.
Your head tilted. “True intention?”
“I…advertise cleaning to keep things subtle. But really, my real hope is to have someone’s company.” You almost groaned when you realized exactly what he meant.
“So, you’re a sugar daddy? Is that what you’re saying?” You asked, withholding a cackle. You couldn’t believe you fell for something too good to be true. Granted you were a little tipsy, tired and you were about to fall asleep.
“I-I don’t care for that but…I-“
You held up your hand. “Let me guess. Cheating on your wife?”
He stilled, his shoulders dropping. You knew you hit a nerve. “My wife. We’re not together anymore. But she has my children most of the time. And I-I’m desperate. I’m desperate to have someone near me. My wife was more like a roommate. And after a while, I wanted to leave but she didn’t want that. I filed for divorce, she fought me the whole time and finally I’m here.”
You sigh, believing him. But what were you supposed to do with this information? You couldn’t just sleep with him for money. Well, you honestly could, he was hot as fuck but…would to be worth it? You needed the money. Badly. You hated your job. You hated your life.
“What would I have to do? Sleep with you?” You asked.
Stan shook his head rapidly. “No, no. Just…keep me company. Talk to me. Spend time with me. And I’ll take care of you in return.”
You went home after that statement, you got out of the shower and put on your robe. You hadn’t made a decision yet. Promising to text him after you did. Walking to your small bedroom, you sat on the bed and sighed.
Just spending time with him? Talking to him? That’s it. That’s all he wanted. A paid girlfriend basically. You would be responding to a 30 plus year old divorced single dad. It was every teenage fantasy you had but this was real life. How would you explain this to anyone? “Yeah, mom. My boyfriend. He um pays me.” You laid on your pillow.
You debated this. This wouldn’t last forever, who knows how long. It wasn’t guaranteed. But you couldn’t help the urge to try it. He seemed like a nice guy. Lonely, but nice. He saw you in dirty scrubs and still asked you to be a his sugar baby.
Picking up your phone, stopping yourself from thinking about it too long, you brought up his contact information on your phone.
“I’ll do it.” You typed. You pressed send.
“Meet me at my house tomorrow. 8 o clock. Wear whatever you want.”
You bit your lip, your heart quickening in pace. You didn’t have much to work with but you did have an idea.
The next day came, you rushed home from work, jumped into the bath and scrubbed yourself clean. You wore your hair down, threw on some eyeliner, lip gloss. You wore all black as you rode in the Uber on your way there, you dressed the same as you did in high school.
You arrived at his house, 2 minutes to spare and you jumped out. Walked up the stairs and knocked on the door.
He answered, wearing a white suit shirt, black trousers and his tie was loose. You felt underdressed. “I hope what I’m wearing is okay?” Stan guided you inside with his hand on your back.
“Of course. It’s perfect. You’re perfect, I mean.” He chuckles awkwardly and you both go into the living room. Sitting down, you press your knees together and wait for him to tell what was going to happen next.
“How was your day?” He asked you, settling next to you.
“Oh, it was-okay. Boring honestly. My life is boring.” You shrugged.
“Boring? You’re so young and you think your life is boring already?” Stan questioned. “Tell me more.”
“Tell you about me?” You parroted and he licks his lips. Nodding.
“I was a good kid. Always stuck to the rules. Pretty good parents. But I had a rough time in high school.”
“Why do you say that?” Stan asked and you could see his sincerity through his brown eyes.
“Oh you know, I was bullied. Asked out as a joke. Just typical high school shit.” You laughed.
“Someone asked you out as a joke?” Stan asked, disgust evident in his tone.
“Oh, more than once actually. The first three times, I actually fell for it.” You leaned back on the couch. Stan leaned forward, resting his hand on your knee. He gave it a soft squeeze before he pulled away. “I’m sorry that happened to you. You deserve better.”
“What’s your story? I mean. I know you’re lonely. Divorced. With a couple of kids. But what else? What makes you Stan?” You inquired.
“I’m as uninteresting as they get. I’m afraid. My life is meaningless. I go to work. Come home and go to sleep. Start it all over again.” He rubbed his hand over his face.
Now, you were curious. He was sitting with his legs spread. He had muscular legs, you had to admit. He was desperate. Paying a stranger to spend an evening with him, just talking. “Who do you work for?” You quipped.
Stan quirked his eyebrow. “Donald Trump.”
“Oh shut up,” You laughed. “No you don’t.” Stan’s eyes slid over to you before he reached inside his pocket. He pulled out his badge. It was an identification from the building downtown. One that Donald, orange trump owned.
“No way. So, that’s your secret huh? You work for him, you make a bunch of money and you’re a sugar daddy? I don’t think that’s meaningless.” You giggled and he rolled his eyes before smiling to himself.
“Yeah, well. Tell that to my ex wife.”
“When was the last time you went out, Stan? Got out of your house that obviously doesn’t need cleaning?” You flashed your eyebrows at him, the words flowing off your tongue like honey. His veiny hands extended down his legs as he leaned on his knees.
“It’s been two years since I’ve partied. What about you? A shy, young girl, living in a studio apartment. Working as a housemaid. Surely, you like to go out?”
You hummed and pulled your legs up to your chest. “Last time I went out, it was to a rock concert. A tour of three bands. I stayed out until 3am. I had just turned 20. It was the best night of my life.”
“A rock concert huh? For some reason, I took you as a Ed Sheeran fan. Or Taylor swift?” You smirked.
“I like other things too. And I’m not just some young girl. I have dreams, goals, you know.” The more you spoke, the easier it was.
“I’d love to hear them.”
“I want to get my psychology degree. I want to help people. Make a difference actually. Instead of what I’m doing. I’ve always to reach someone. Pull them from the darkness.” You spoke with your eyes focused on his white ceiling. You felt him shift.
“I want you to do that too. I can tell you would be good at helping people.” You turned your head to look at him. He had moved closer.
“Why?”
“Because you’re helping me. Right now.” He whispered. And glanced at your lips. Your heart thudded louder against your chest. You knew what he was thinking. But would you let it happen?
“Can I kiss you?”
The request hung in the air like a ringing bell and everything went silent. His eyes flickered down to your mouth, to your eyes. Then down again. What would happen if you said yes? Would that be it? You wouldn’t know unless you gave in…
You nodded.
Stan leaned in slowly, his hands still on his laps as he breathed in your scent. His lips encompassed your lower one, softly sucking on the flesh. Your hand went to rest on his chest, gently gripping the fabric as he deepened the kiss. Turning his head to the side, he brushed his tongue against your lip, asking for entrance and you granted it.
He groaned into your mouth, his hand reaching to cup your jaw. His mouth was warm, his hand calloused as he ran his thumb across your cheek.
Stan leaned his weight down, pinning your back against the couch as he kissed you, hungrily and desperately as his hand moved from you face, to your neck, squeezing softly.
You pulled back at the contact, breathing heavily and glanced at his hand encircling your neck. Stan leaned back, almost ashamed of his actions. “I’m sorry. I know…it’s not part of the deal. I just couldn’t seem to help myself-“
“It’s okay. I liked it.” You whispered, caressing your neck.
He looked at you again, eyes darting to your own hand. “I haven’t-kissed a woman in a while. I know this situation is extremely complicated. You don’t owe me anything. And if you want to leave, you can. I’ll still pay you for everything. But-“
“Stan, it’s okay. It’s just a kiss.” You reassured him before biting your lip. Kissing him, your core tightened at his heavy breathing. Soft romantic eyes…
You went to your hands, crawling over to him and you straddled his lap. Either legs on the side of his pelvis and his eyes widened. Your hands settled on his shoulders, before trailing to his hair. It was soft underneath your fingertips. Could you do it? Your hips rolled against his, you felt him harden beneath you and you smiled at him. You didn’t know where this confidence was coming from, but you didn’t want it to end. “Mmmm,” You leaned forward, pressing your lips to his neck. “You seem so nervous, Stan? What’s wrong? You’re not used to being wanted?” Your mouth settled on his sweetspot by his collarbone and he shivered at your tongue brushing against it.
“I-I don’t know. You’re so young. So inexperienced.” You gently bit down, and he moaned, his hand moving to your lower back. His other went to your breast.
“Stan?”
“Yes?”
“Shut the fuck up. And do as your told.” Your hand went to his neck, squeezing the sides and your other hand went to his crotch. You started massaging his cock outside his pants, giving the erection a slight squeeze. Stans head lulled to the side but you straightened it, gripping his jaw.
“Stay still.” You whispered in his ear.
You went to lower yourself down, before his hand went to your hair. He maneuvered you over his lap, his arm pinning you down over his knee and you gasped in shock.
“I think you have me mistaken for some little boy who likes to be dominated. But I think you’re mistaken, baby.” His voice was soft and commanding.
But his hold on your hair tightened, pulling your head back, your breasts arched above his knee and his other hand settled on your ass.
“You know, I want you to count. Count to 10. And if you don’t, I’ll stop touching you. And I don’t think you don’t want that.” Your breath shuddered as his hand came down. Hard.
“Ah! Fuck!” You cried out at the stinging. But you obeyed him, any urge to take control was futile. “One.” You winced as he continued spanking, but you counted to ten.
“Good girl.” He leaned to whisper that in your ear before releasing you. You went to the ground on your hands and knees, shocked at the sudden turn of events. Your head whipped to him as he stood up.
“You have two options, Y/n.” He started, resting his hands on his hips. “You can walk away right now, like I said. Or,” He trailed towards you, leaning down to brush his thumb across your lips. “you’ll do whatever I want.”
You were speechless as his eyes narrowed hungrily. “You seem nervous, Y/n. What’s wrong? You’re not used to someone wanting you?” He repeated your words and you inhaled sharply.
“I’ll do whatever you want.” You whispered, looking up at him with your mouth watering. Stan nodded. A new, dangerous confidence building inside him.
He aimed his head towards the stairs. “Go upstairs. On your hands and knees.” He ordered softly.
It took more time, going up the steps on your hands and knees but you made it to the hallway with Stan behind you. He remained silent. “We’re not going to my bedroom. We’re going to the spare room.” You turned and saw him holding a key.
He walked ahead of you, his posture stiff as he turned the key to a door at the end of the hall. “One last chance to back out.”
You shook your head. “I want to see.” You insisted. He sighed and opened the door.
“Oh my god.” You whispered.
It was red. A red room. Dozens of tools hung from the walls, fake candles flickered around and in the center was a large bed that had black bedding but underneath were crimson LED lights. A black chandelier hung on the ceiling, but what caught your attention were whips, riding crops and robes that adorned the wall.
“This is…my secret. This is why most people run from me.” Stan sighed and clicked his tongue.
“Your secret? That you’re super kinky and you have some sort of sex dungeon?” You realized the hypocrisy of your statement, given you were on all fours but you couldn’t help it.
Stan chuckled and put the key in his pocket. “I’m waiting.” He said to you and you entered the room, crawling forward.
“Stop.” You did and you sat on your heels and Stan approached you. Holding rope. Surprisingly, despite the situation, he still seemed somewhat unconfident.
“Stan,” You began as he secured the rope around your wrists. “I want to do this.” He paused and looked down at you. “I want you to use me. Anyway you want.” You pleaded.
Stan grounded his teeth before he yanked you from the floor, crashing his lips to yours in a fevered kiss of tongue and teeth. Blood quirked from your bottom lip as he tugged it with his teeth, pushing you onto the bed. He pushed your hands above your head, holding you in place. Your center pooled as he ripped himself away.
“I want you to spread your legs.” Stan growled. His hand flexing.
You separated your knees, your underwear sticking to your pussy as he licked his lips. Stans fingers circled around your pants, pulling them down slowly and your underwear. Your pussy glistens and he flicked his pointer finger, inside the wet walls before trailing your clit.
You trembled as he inserted it into his mouth, his eyes drifted shut and he hummed to himself. “You taste so sweet.” He groaned before leaning down.
He trailed kisses along your inner thighs, close but not close enough. His tongue moved along your pussy but pulled away last second.
“Fuck, Stan. Please don’t tease me.” He launched himself up, his fingers plunging inside you. You threw your head back, as he went knuckle deep and sank into you.
“You don’t order me around. Do you understand?” He pumped his fingers inside you, and your back arched as he went deeper, impossibly deeper.
“Yes-yes I understand.” You squeaked.
“Yes what?” His thumb grazed your clit before pulling away.
“I-I don’t know.” You whimpered. Stan removed his fingers and shoved them into your mouth.
You tasted yourself on his digits and you tried to fight against the ropes but they were tight. “What did you call me that first night? I want you to say it.”
You realized what he meant.
“Daddy?” You questioned. He nodded.
“Now, ask me. What do you want from me? You can ask me. Nice and proper.”
“Daddy…please. Taste me. I need it. Please?” You begged.
Your begging killed him and he forced your legs apart. “Moan nice and loud for me okay?” Stan whispered as he laid on his stomach, lifting your thighs over his shoulders.
He laid his tongue flat against your pussy, kitten licking your clit repeatedly, before diving down to your entrance, then bringing it back to the top. You moaned, loudly in your chest and throat before you turned your head to the side, your eyes squeezed shut as Stan increased the pressure on your clit.
You shuddered as his fingers swiped against your entrance before he slid two fingers inside, pumping slowly as he slowed his pace on your sensitive bud, torturing you as you neared your climax, before he would change paces again.
“Daddy-please don’t tease me-“ You inhaled and Stan chuckled against you.
“I don’t think you should tell me what to do right now, baby. Do you? Not when I have you splayed out like this.” He licked a long, stripe against you before he pulled away. Keeping his fingers deep inside you.
Sweat gathered on your forehead as your back arched into his hand. His free one settled underneath your midsection as he hovered over you.
“You’re being so good, taking my fingers like this baby. You’re being such a good girl, right now.” His mouth went to your neck, he peppered kisses along your skin. “Such a pretty little slut. Doing whatever I want.” You were about to burst.
“Let go for me, it’s okay. And then I’m gonna fuck you like an animal.” Stan reached over to the drawer, selecting a plastic wrapped condom. Sliding off his pants and boxers, he wrapped his dick inside the protection. His hand locked on your shoulder as he turned you over on your stomach, forcing your tied hands on the bed with your ass up.
His hand pushed down on your head, “Spread your legs. Nice and wide for me, okay?” He ordered softly and you listened, breathing heavily as he pressed himself inside you.
You buried your head down, exhaling long and hard as he thrusted inside you, shifting to hold your hips in place as he moved deep and hard into you. “Fuck.” He moaned as your walls clenched around him, welcoming him in the deepest parts of you.
You stayed like that for several seconds, him moving roughly against you with his hard cock pounding you, animalisticly like he promised. He gripped you in place as you tried to move your hips to create friction. He leaned down, whispering in your ear. “I’m gonna play with your pussy now, okay? Can you hold out a little longer for me? You’re doing a good job, princess.” He groaned.
You couldn’t hardly see straight as his fingers circled around your clit as he continued thrusting, you weren’t going to last much longer. This was better than anything you had, better than your own pathetic fingers.
“I’m gonna-daddy I’m gonna come-“ You managed before your release came over you with a powerful rush. You stilled and then felt Stan stop moving as he came, releasing into the confines of the condom.
He pulled out of you, releasing your fullness and he collapsed next you. You turned over on your back, panting heavily as he started untying your hands. As they were free, you stretched out your arms over your head as he laid next to you.
You both stayed silent, breathless and then you moved over, leaning your cheek onto his chest. He glanced down at you before pressing a kiss to the top of your head, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“Was that submissive enough for you?” Stan asked and you chuckled with a blush.
Soon after, you ended up falling asleep.
The next morning, you woke up late, still naked on the bed. When you sat up, you noticed a note next to you.
“Had to leave. Hopefully…I see you soon on your next work night. Maybe we can make this a regular occurrence…S.B”
You bit your lip. It was the most passionate night you’d ever had. But he had to leave. Without establishing the next step.
As you left the house, you turned one last time before making your mind up. Next time? He would be the one tied up and helpless.
Taglist. @spill-the-t @icannot3 @howtobesasha @ifeeltoofuckingmuch @demxnicprxncess @evanptrss @randodummy tagging @frankenkyle19 and @scene-and-dandylover because they requested it tonight
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50calmadeuce · 1 month
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Ch. 37: Back to Wyoming
Warning: Mention of miscarriage. Some chapters have sex.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.
The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.
I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.
These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know. :)
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The next morning, your flight left early for Wyoming. By the afternoon, you were sitting on the couch in the rented cabin, wearing lounge pants and a t-shirt, with your hair up in a messy bun. A nice fire crackled in the fireplace, and your laptop rested on your belly that had seemed to have grown overnight as you read emails. Every once and awhile the baby kicked it, and you had to adjust it, since he apparently didn't like to be used as a table.
Max had taken the rental truck to grab some food, and as he left, it had started to snow gently.
As you sat on the couch, the warmth of the fire provided a cozy contrast to the chilly weather outside. The gentle snow falling outside added a serene touch to the peaceful atmosphere of the cabin. You adjusted your laptop once more as the baby gave another kick, making you smile.
"Alright, little one," you murmured softly, rubbing your belly. "I get it. No laptop table." You set the laptop on the coffee table.
Just then, your phone buzzed with a new message. You picked it up and saw it was from Jake, checking in to see how you were doing.
Jake: Hey darlin', how are you and the little one holding up?
You smiled and quickly typed a reply.
You: We're doing well, just enjoying the cozy cabin. Baby is practicing his karate moves on my laptop. How's everything with you?
A few moments later, Jake's response came through.
Jake: Sounds like he's got a lot of energy! Everything's good here. Coyote and I caught up, and we're just about to head out for some training. Miss you already.
You felt a pang of longing but reassured yourself with the thought of seeing him soon.
You: We miss you too. Stay safe out there. We'll be here waiting for you.
As you put your phone down, you heard the sound of the rental truck pulling up outside. A few minutes later, Max walked in, carrying bags of groceries.
"Hey, how's it going?" he asked, setting the bags on the kitchen counter.
"Good," you replied, closing your laptop and setting it aside. "Just catching up on some emails and texts from Jake. How was the drive?"
Max shrugged, starting to unpack the groceries. "Not bad. The snow's picking up a bit, but the roads are still clear."
"Perfect for a cozy day in before the crazy court room tomorrow," you said, stretching your arms. "Thanks for grabbing the food."
"No problem," Max replied with a smile. "Thought you might appreciate some fresh supplies."
As he continued unpacking, you got up and joined him in the kitchen, helping to put things away.
Once everything was put away, Max looked at you. "Anything specific you want for dinner?"
You thought for a moment, then smiled. "How about something simple and comforting? Maybe a hearty soup or stew?"
Max nodded. "I can do that. How about beef stew with some fresh bread?"
"That sounds perfect," you agreed, feeling a wave of gratitude for Max's support and friendship. "Thanks, Max. You're a lifesaver."
He chuckled. "Just doing my part. Now, you relax, and I'll get started on dinner."
You headed back to the couch, the comforting sounds of Max preparing dinner filling the cabin.
Just then, your phone rang. Glancing at the screen, you saw it was Mr. Dunby. You quickly answered.
"Mr. Dunby. How are you?" you asked.
"Hello, Y/N. I'm doing well, thank you. How are you holding up?"
"I'm alright," you replied, trying to keep your tone light. "Just settling into the cabin and getting ready for some much-needed rest."
"Good to hear," Mr. Dunby said. "I wanted to update you on a few things regarding your case."
"Oh?"
"The psych evaluation has been done and he has been found competent for tomorrow."
Your heart sank a little at the news. "Competent? So, the hearing is definitely going forward tomorrow?"
"Yes," Mr. Dunby confirmed. "Given this development, we need to be prepared. I know it's short notice, but I need to go over a few things with you to make sure we're ready."
"Of course," you said, trying to steady your voice. "What do I need to do?"
"First, I'll need you to recount the timeline of events in Wyoming, as well as your relationship with Jake. It's important that we clearly establish the context and your side of the story."
"Alright," you said, glancing at the fireplace. "I can do that."
"Second, we need to have any and all documentation ready. I've already gathered most of it, but if there's anything specific you can think of—emails, messages, anything that could support your case—please send it to me as soon as possible."
"I'll go through everything tonight," you replied. "And I'll make sure to have it all ready."
"Good," Mr. Dunby said. "And lastly, I know this is difficult, but try to stay calm and composed. The more straightforward and clear you can be, the better."
"I understand," you said, taking a deep breath. "Thank you for everything, Mr. Dunby."
"You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow at the courthouse. We'll get through this together."
After ending the call, you set your phone down and rubbed your temples, feeling the weight of the situation settle on your shoulders. Max walked over, a concerned look on his face.
"What's going on?" he asked gently.
"The hearing is definitely happening tomorrow," you explained. "And he's been found competent."
Max's expression hardened with determination. "We'll be ready."
Just then, you heard the sound of another vehicle driving up to the house.
Max looked at you. "Is that Chuck?"
"If it's another F-150, then yes."
Max walked over to the window and peeked out. He watched as an older gentleman got out of the black F-150.
"Yup. It's him," he confirmed, walking over to the door and opening it.
Chuck walked in, dusting the snow off his flannel jacket. He nodded at you when he saw you. "Doc."
You smiled at Chuck. "Hey, Chuck. How was the drive?"
"Not too bad," he replied, hanging his jacket on the coat rack by the door. "Snow's starting to pick up, though. Figured I'd get here before it got too heavy."
Max closed the door behind him and turned to Chuck. "Good timing. We were just getting settled in."
Chuck glanced around the cozy cabin, taking in the crackling fire and the relaxed atmosphere. "Nice place you've got here. How are you holding up?" he asked, looking directly at you.
You sighed, running a hand over your growing belly. "It's been a bit overwhelming, but we're managing. Just got off the phone with Mr. Dunby. The hearing is definitely happening tomorrow."
Chuck's expression grew serious. "I heard. You need anything from me?"
"Actually, yes," you said, feeling a sense of relief. "Max said he was going to attempt to make a stew. Do you think you could help him?" you asked jokingly, trying to lighten the mood given the seriousness of the upcoming day.
Chuck chuckled, nodding. "I suppose I can lend a hand. Let's see what kind of mess he’s made in the kitchen."
Max raised an eyebrow, feigning offense. "Hey, I can cook! Just not as well as Chuck, apparently."
Chuck grinned and patted Max on the back. "Don't worry, we'll get it done right."
You smiled, appreciating the moment of levity. "Thanks, guys. I think we could all use a good meal tonight."
Chuck and Max headed to the kitchen, and you listened to their banter and laughter as they worked. It was comforting to have them both there, making the cabin feel warm and full of life despite the impending seriousness of the next day.
You turned your attention back to your emails. Last night you had sent Jason an email asking him for the notes from last Wyoming study and he sent the large file.
You opened the email from Jason and clicked on the attachment. The file began to download, and you took a deep breath, ready to dive into the research data. As the file opened, you scanned through the notes. You weren't exactly sure how this was going to help you except for jogging your memory, but you glanced through it.
A little while later, the delicious aroma of stew began to fill the cabin. Chuck called out from the kitchen, "Dinner's ready!"
You made your way to the kitchen, feeling a sense of camaraderie and gratitude for the support you had. The three of you sat down at the small dining table, enjoying the hearty stew and each other's company.
"Chuck, when we were in Wyoming four years ago, what did you see about Dorian that I missed? I mean, was I really that naive?" you asked.
Chuck looked at you. "You weren't naive, Doc. You were heartbroken and vulnerable from what happened."
You nodded, feeling a mixture of gratitude and sadness. "I just wish I had seen it sooner."
Chuck took a deep breath, leaning against dining table. "Dorian had a way of masking his true self. He was charming and convincing, which made it easy for people to overlook the red flags. You were focused on healing and getting your life back on track. It's not your fault for not seeing through his facade."
You sighed. "I guess I wanted to believe in the best in people, especially after everything that happened."
Chuck nodded understandingly. "That's a part of who you are, and it's a good thing. It just means you're compassionate and hopeful, even when faced with difficult situations. Sometimes, people like Dorian exploit that. But that doesn't make you any less strong or perceptive."
You looked up at him, appreciating his words. "Thanks, Chuck. It helps to hear that."
He gave you a reassuring smile. "You're welcome, Doc."
You looked at your bowl of stew and started moving the spoon around in it, your thoughts drifting as you stirred.
"Not hungry?" Max asked.
You looked up and saw him watching you. "No. It's fine." You took a spoonful of the stew and put it in your mouth.
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You had changed into your pajamas and walked slowly to the bed in the room, dimly lit by a small lamp. As you sat down, you glanced at your cellphone, and the picture of you and Jake lit up the screen, bringing a bittersweet smile to your face.
You sighed softly, the weight of the day’s events pressing down on you. Looking at the photo, you felt a mixture of longing and love for Jake. You missed him deeply, especially during times like these when everything seemed overwhelming. You scoffed. It wasn't that long ago that you handled everything yourself for four long years and now...that man had come back into your life.
You placed the phone on the nightstand, crawled into the bed and lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. The sound of the gentle crackling fire from the living room provided a comforting background noise. The baby gave a small kick, reminding you of the new life growing inside you and bringing a smile to your face.
Taking a deep breath, you tried to focus on the positive. You were surrounded by people who cared about you, and you knew you were stronger than the challenges you faced.
As you lay there, the memories of the past few years washed over you. The struggles, the loneliness, the moments of doubt—all of it seemed distant now, like a shadow that had finally been cast away by the light of Jake's return. His presence had brought back a sense of wholeness you hadn't realized you were missing.
The baby kicked again, a little stronger this time, as if to remind you of the future ahead. You gently placed your hand on your belly, feeling the reassuring movement.
Just then, your phone buzzed with a text notification. Reaching over, you saw it was a message from Jake:
Jake: "Hey darlin', just wanted to check in before I hit the sack. I miss you. Hope you're doing okay. Love you."
You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you. You quickly typed a response:
You: "Miss you too, Jake. Everything's fine here. Get some rest. Love you."
After sending the message, you put the phone back on the nightstand and snuggled deeper into the blankets. The combination of Jake's love, the support from Max and Chuck, and the promise of the new life growing inside you gave you a sense of peace.
Tomorrow would bring its own challenges, but for now, you allowed yourself to relax and drift off to sleep, feeling a sense of hope and strength that you hadn't felt in a long time.
Tags: @buckysteveloki-me @bellyliveslife @callsign-barbell @tgmreader @86laura11 @dizzybee03 @kmc1989 @guacam011y @nerdgirljen @hookslove1592 @dempy @djs8891 @smoothdogsgirl
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A Case Study in the Improper Use of Negator Powers (Shen Xiang/Reader, NSFW)
Here I am, putting the very first Shen/reader fic into the world because if there's no erotica of him I must be the one to write it. Small warning for use of Shen’s negator powers so there are a couple of moments where the reader does the opposite of what they want to, but not in like a major consent-violating way.
Relationship: Shen Xiang/Gender-Neutral AFAB Reader
Summary: In which you knock on Shen’s door to ask a simple question, but a rather inappropriate use of his ability leads to further shenanigans.
Contents: Blowjob, dirty talk, vaginal sex, biting, face-fucking, hair-pulling
Word Count: 4,045
~~~~
You knock on the door to Shen’s room for what feels like the millionth time this week. To be fair, you both were prepping for an upcoming mission, but you still sought out every excuse to exchange even a few small words with him. Each and every conversation felt almost electric, even if it was about something as boring as scheduling. His constant compliments, praise, and very slight flirting didn’t help. Even though you didn’t dare to do more than chat, you still looked forward to every meeting.
And so here you were. Instead of opening the door himself, you hear Shen call out, “Come on in, it’s unlocked!” You take a deep breath before you open the door.
You take a few steps into his office and spot Shen writing something at his desk. There’s also a plush loveseat nearby, but he doesn’t spare it a glance. He raises his head for a moment and gives you a smile before returning to his work. “So, what did you need my help with?”
You shift nervously on your feet. “Oh, nothing much! Just wanted to double-check what time we’re heading out tomorrow for the mission.” Interactions like this had become routine since you started helping out the Union and working with Shen, but you couldn’t help the way being near him made you feel.
“Oh, we’re leaving at 8:30 in the morning!” He pauses for a moment before raising his head to meet your gaze. “But you already knew that, didn’t you? In fact, I’m certain that I already informed you of our leaving time, and I know that you’re a very organized person. You would never forget something as important as that, would you?”
“Ah, um.” You look away and take a step back from him, accidentally kicking the door shut in the process. You try and search for the words to explain yourself, but Shen follows up before you have the chance.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you make the effort to walk over here and ask me if you already knew the departure time?” As he speaks, Shen rises from his chair and approaches you. ”Now that I think about it, you’ve been making a lot of visits to my room lately for things that could’ve been a text or an email.”
This situation is turning more desperate by the second. With the added pressure, you manage to squeak out an excuse. “Oh, I just forgot, that’s all! And I was passing by your room anyways, so I figured I’d just pop by and ask.” Even as he draws closer, you refuse to look him in the eye. You knew your heart couldn’t take it.
Shen halts just a foot in front of you. “While you are fantastic at coming up with believable excuses, you’re still a terrible liar.” He cocks his head and asks, “So, why don’t you tell me the real reason you’ve been paying me so many visits lately? What do you truly want from me?”
The only way out was through more lies. You could never let him know what you thought of him, of the fantasies that played out in your mind that motivated you to seek him out. In an effort to appear more believable, you raised your head to look at him straight on. You opened your mouth to give more excuses, praying that he would let you go.
But just before you were about to speak, Shen closed his left eye and you felt something shift. And you proceed to do exactly the opposite of what you want to do.
You begin to list everything you want to do with Shen.
“I’m here because I can’t stop thinking about you and everything I need you to do to me. God, when I look at this room I can’t help but imagine you fucking me over the desk or eating me out on that velvet couch. I need you to bite me all over, whisper degrading things into my ear, and yank my hair as you fuck my face. You have no idea how wet it makes me when I think about you calling me a good-”
Shen looks to his left, deactivating his ability. “I think I’ve heard enough. ” You’re at a complete loss for words as you feel your cheeks burning up. You don’t even try to muster up an apology. You just attempt to turn around and hurry out of there as soon as possible, but as your head turns, you suddenly find that you can’t move your body.
Shen once again has one eye trained on you as he tuts. “No, we can’t be having that.” Instead of starting to rip you to shreds like you thought he would, he gives you a wide, mischievous smile. “That’s a very long list of very dirty things you want me to do to you. Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll have time for all of them tonight.”
He deactivates his ability, no longer keeping you in place. He waits another moment to see if you’ll move. When you don’t make a move to leave, he slams his right arm against the door, pinning you against it. He uses his left hand to cup your face and leans close to whisper in your ear. “Now that I know you want me, I have no reason to hold back.”
His kiss begins softly at first despite his big talk. After a moment of shock, you begin to kiss him back, matching his pace and putting your hands on the sides of his neck. You can feel him smile at your reciprocation as he begins to kiss you with more fervor, pushing his tongue into your mouth. You whimper in pleasure at his intrusion, which just encourages him further.
You didn’t want to stand there, just letting him have his way with you. You push your tongue back against his, intertwining the two muscles. You try your best to match his energy. His left hand moves to grip at your waist, putting pressure against you but not enough to cause pain. Between the steamy kisses, you can feel his hot breath on your lips, and you can almost taste his impatience.
He nudges your legs apart with his knee and pushes it against your crotch. He lightly grinds against your clit, just enough to tease. You break from the kiss, breathing heavily at the stimulation and sudden escalation. You hear him let out a laugh before he leans close and says, “You like that? You seem to enjoying yourself based on those heavenly sounds you’re making.”
It was only as he said that when you realize how loud you’re being. Your embarrassment resurfaces as you cover your mouth with your hand, muffling your moans. Shen puts a hand under your chin and tilts your head upwards so that you’re looking up at him. Then, in an instant, you feel your hand fall slack to your side without your interference.
His eyes are almost glowing as he chides, “I don’t want to have to resort to this to hear you. Be good for me and quit trying to quiet down, yeah? I know you can do it.” His praise does something funny to your mind. As long as he phrased his request like that, Shen could probably get you to do anything.
Shen smiles and continues to stare down at you, even after deactivating his power. His hands ghost around your hips for a moment before moving upwards to push up your shirt. He keeps an eye on your expression and can tell that you want more. The movements of his knee halt to focus on the new task at hand. His head dips down to kiss your neck as he pushes the hem of your shirt further and further up your body, your breathing speeding up as his hands travel. The fabric of his gloves feels surprisingly soft against your skin; the opposite of what you expected. His fingertips rest just below your chest for a moment, and you can feel his kisses pause as he smirks into your neck before he finally reaches up to fully grasp your chest.
You gasp from surprise and pleasure, but Shen doesn’t stop there. He begins to toy with your nipples as he kisses just below your collarbone. He gives you a mischievous glance before he sucks at your skin and bites down. You let out a loud moan. Shen raises his eyebrows before gaining a look of resolve. His motions around your nipples grow rougher as he begins to kiss, suck, and bite all across your chest. As his mouth travels, his hand fondles and rubs at the opposite breast.
You can barely stand it. It’s an almost overstimulation of pleasure, and he isn’t even rubbing against your clit anymore! “Shen… fuck, Shen!” You can’t respond in a full sentence, made helpless by Shen’s constant barrage. You gasp when he begins to tease your nipple with his tongue, throwing your head back against the door. When he bites down, you gently pull his head off of you. It’s just too much.
He draws back a bit and asks, “Is everything alright?” with a concerned expression.
“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine! It’s just… Christ, I need a moment to breathe.” As you take a moment to calm down, you look down at your chest to see it covered in Shen’s handiwork: tons of purple bruises. You feel your core grow warm at the sight.
He notices what you’re staring at and remarks, “Like what you see? I personally think the shade compliments your complexion quite well.” You squirm a little at his comment before changing the subject.
“This all feels rather one-sided… as much as I adore being pampered, I want to make you feel good as well…”
Shen chuckles and tilts his head. “Is that so?” He places a hand on your waist and the other by your head against the door. He once again nudges your legs apart with his thigh, but instead of grinding his knee against you, he grinds his cock. You can feel its hardness through the layers of clothing as it rubs teasingly against your core.
You hear him groan by your ear and say, “Fuck, I can feel how warm you are.” He continues to rut against your core and you rest your hands on the bare skin of his hips, your fingers rubbing circles and slipping undeath the surrounding fabric. Your eyes were always drawn to these hip cutouts whenever you snuck a glance at Shen’s form. Pleasure creeps up your body as he continues to rut against you, but… it isn’t enough.
“Shen, I… I want more.” To show him what you mean, you slowly drag a hand from his hip to the front of his crotch, giving it a squeeze to punctuate your words. You heard a brief gasp and a barely suppressed moan.
He breathes heavily in your ear and manages to ask between his gasps, “What did you have in mind?” You take a small step back and place your hands on his hips to maneuver him so he leans against the door. Then, you drop to your knees. Shen grins at your actions. “You always come up with the best ideas.”
He reaches down to undo his belt as you stare up at him, giddy with excitement. He smirks as he draws the low-hanging panel of his top to the side and pulls out his cock. Your eyes move from his face downwards, and your breath catches in your chest. It stands at full mast a mere few inches from your face. He’s a little bigger than you anticipated… but you think you can take it.
You don’t notice that you’ve been silently staring at his dick for a bit. He looks down at you, tilts his head, and teases, “Well? Don’t get all shy on me now.” You blink up at him for a moment before dipping forward to lick a stripe up his shaft. You can feel him shutter at the first contact. Now emboldened, you take the head into your mouth, gently sucking and swirling your tongue around it as you gauge his reaction. His gasps drifting down from above to fill your ears encourage you. You sink your mouth down further to take his shaft into your mouth, bobbing up and down, gradually taking in more and more.
“Mmm, fuck, hah. Keep going.” His words give you another surge of confidence, taking him in until your nose rests in his happy trail. He takes in a sharp breath and places a hand on your chin, encouraging you to keep your head there for a moment longer, but not forcing you. After a few seconds his hand moves to settle in your hair and he lets out a sigh mixed with a moan as you draw back. You continue to suck him off, now trying to take as much of him as you can with each movement of your head. When you take a moment to rub your tongue against his shaft or suck on the head, you are rewarded with the sweetest groans you’ve ever heard.
With his hand still resting in your hair, he begins to lightly thrust into your mouth to match your movements. After a few shallow thrusts, he freezes and looks down at you. You stare back up in confusion for a moment before he speaks.
“You said you wanted me to fuck your face earlier, right? Would you like that now, or another time?” Your cheeks flush and you give a little noise of affirmation with your lips still wrapped around the tip of his dick. You see his expression falter when he feels the vibrations of your small noise around his cock. He entwines the fingers of one hand in your hair while the other drops to hold and caress your cheek. You keep your head still and feel your core grow warmer as he once again starts to lightly thrust into the moist warmth of your mouth.
You moan and slightly move to match his thrusts, incredibly pleased by his actions. You hear a short bark of a laugh. “God, you really do like it rough, huh?” His words encourage you and you hollow out your cheeks which earns you a surprised moan from Shen. You catch a glance at his blissed-out expression before his thrusts begin to pick up speed. You brace your hands on his hips as he continues, moving faster and taking a moment to tease his head at your lips.
All this is turning you on immensely, and you begin to rub your thighs together, seeking stimulation. It isn’t enough, especially compared to how Shen seems to be feeling. Your left hand abandons his hip in favor of reaching down to grind against your clit through your pants. It’s still not enough.
While trying to concentrate on not choking on Shen’s cock, you push your hand past the waistband of your pants to touch your clit directly. You first dip your fingers down to your entrance, gathering a bit of the accumulated slick on your fingertips before you set a steady rhythm of rubbing against your clit. You moan and whimper a little around his dick, but he doesn’t seem to notice. His eyes are closed and his mind is occupied by how much pleasure you’re making rock through his body.
His thrusts slow and you think he might cum, but he instead pulls back, his cock releasing from your mouth with a wet pop. The movement of your hand stops as you stare up at him in confusion. “Why’d you stop?”
He smiles and matter-of-factly states, “I can’t cum quite yet when I still haven’t fucked you over the desk like you wanted.” As he comes down from his pleasure high, his eyes drift over your form and settle on your crotch. You realize that your hand is still down your pants, and you stiffen in embarrassment before quickly removing it and tucking it behind your back.
“Wow, I didn’t realize you were that impatient! I’ll have to speed things along in that case. I don’t want you to feel left out.” He reaches down and yanks you up by the hand to draw you over to his desk. He tuts at the sight of all the papers covering it but quickly decides to shove everything off to make room. He grasps your hip to guide you in front of the desk with his hard member resting against the swell of your ass. He then presses a palm into your back, gently pushing you to bend over and rest the side of your face against the wood surface.
He leans down and brushes your hair aside to kiss your neck. It’s a moment of tenderness, a brief respite from the chaos of this entire encounter. He continues as his hands work to unbutton and pull down your pants and undergarments, his kisses growing rougher and needier as more of your bare skin is exposed.
You can hear the sound of him drawing the fabric of his top to the side and you soon feel the head of his cock rest against your entrance. He shifts to look you in the eye before checking in one last time: “You're ready for this, right?”
You smile and nod. “Yeah, go ahead.” He responds by breaching your opening, pushing the head of his cock inside of you. You let out a moan of satisfaction at finally being filled. He takes a moment to gauge your reaction before pushing further in, millimeter by millimeter. Your fingers grasp the edge of the desk, your grip tightening as he fully sheathes himself inside of you. Shen lets out a satisfied sigh and lovingly caresses your hip before he starts to thrust.
This doesn’t feel real to you. The man you’ve fantasized about for months finally has you bent over a desk, railing you into oblivion. And it’s even better than you could’ve imagined.
Shen slowly speeds up, his hands gripping your hips and holding you in place. His panting and groans tell you that he’s enjoying this as much as you. Then his right hand moves upwards, tracing a path up your back until it reaches your hair. He combs his fingers through it for a second before he asks, “You said you wanted me to pull your hair, right?”
You can’t seem to get an answer past your whimpers of pleasure, so you opt to nod the best you can against the desk. This answer doesn’t satisfy him.
“Mmmm, not good enough. I’m gonna need you to tell me exactly what you want.” A playful smile teases at his lips as he speaks, and his eyes are looking down at you full of adoration. His thrusts don’t slow even for a second during this spectacle, keeping a steady rhythm that steadily inches you further and further into the depths of pleasure.
You huff out an exasperated breath before managing to force out a desperate answer. “God, please pull my hair already, Shen!” He barks out a laugh and the hand in your hair grips into a fist.
“Of course, beautiful.” He hanks your head back, bringing your head off the desk a bit. The pain sends an electric current through your whole body and you can’t help but let out a noise that almost sounds like a scream. He keeps the tension of his hand tight as he continues to fuck you, his thrusts getting a bit more forceful to match his actions. You can feel your knees growing weak as you feel the end in reach.
He bends over you, his front pressing against your back, til his mouth is breathing hot against your neck. The hand in your hair moves to pull down the collar of your shirt. He gives the base of your neck a brief, sloppy kiss before he bites down. The shutter that courses through your body eggs him on, and he continues to suck and bite at your neck. He also adjusts the angle of his hips slightly downward as he bites, and he hits a new angle that you think is going to make you pass out.
“Shen, right there! Ah, Shen if you keep this up, I’m- ahn, I’m close!” His matching pants and desperate moans tell you he’s also getting close.
“Just a bit more, right? I’ll give you a little something more than just my cock.” His hand leaves your head to snake around your thigh, giving it a squeeze before rubbing against your clit. The stimulation of him hitting your sweet spot while relentlessly rubbing your clit through the rough fabric of his glove is almost too much to handle.
“God, fuck! Just like that, I’m-”
He tilts his head so that you can feel his hot breath on your ear and whispers, “Go on, then.” He licks the shell of your ear and a teasing nip at your earlobe sends you over the edge.
You can’t form words as you’re in the throes of your release. You can feel your legs tremble and almost give out beneath you as every part of your body light aflame. Shen never falters, continuing to thrust and rub you through your orgasm.
Soon the pleasure of orgasm turns to the odd tingle of overstimulation, but you don’t have to bear it long. Shen’s hands move to grip your hips again, holding them in place as he thrusts a final few times before you hear a groan of satisfaction and feel his warm release fill you. He finally stills, and the only sounds that fill the air are your and Shen’s exhausted panting.
He gently grips your chin and positions your face to give you a sweet peck on the cheek. “Thank you for being so good for me. How about we get you cleaned up?” Even after all that, he was still considerate of your needs right afterward. You nod, but a strange warmth in your heart prompts you to quietly ask, “Can we stay like this for a little while longer?”
He answers you by wrapping his arms around your waist and giving you a soft kiss on the shoulder. “Of course.”
*******
After making use of the en-suite bathroom, you drag him to cuddle for a bit on the loveseat, your hair still wet. You sit in blissful silence for a while, but he shatters it by saying something completely out of left field.
“You know, you listed a lot more that we didn’t get to tonight. I still haven’t eaten you out, degraded you, or fucked on this couch, and I’m sure you were about to list even more things before I-”
You cut him off by burying your face in his shoulder, your cheeks instantly flushed. “Please… no more.”
He smiles as if he wasn’t just teasing you with your own explicit fantasies. “You were the one who said you wanted those things, no?”
“That was only cause you forced me to say them, you bastard! You know, you can be a real piece of work sometimes!” You raise your voice slightly, feigning anger even though you aren’t truly mad at him.
His reaction puzzles you for a moment. His eyes go wide and he blinks at you, not saying a word. You only realize what’s happened after you detect the lightest tinge of pink on his cheeks. After a few moments, he regains his composure and pulls you close, petting your hair.
“Hm… it’s only fair that I make my own list of fantasies as well, and I think there are some things that I need to… explore. That sound good to you?”
You opt to nod in response, your cheek brushing against his shoulder as you do. You don’t need to see his face to know the look he’s giving you right now. The feeling of his fingers combing through your hair and his warm body pressing against yours makes you feel the most comfortable you’ve felt in months, and it’s enough to lull you into a light, cozy slumber.
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drvirgus · 10 months
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The Idol who cant Smile
Minji X Fem! Reader
Description: You are the oldest Member of New Jeans, but Fans Never saw you Smile once. Why don't you Smile? Who's the Person that can bring back a smile to your Face?
Chapter 15:
"Baby?" I said softly into the phone. A yawn escaped me as I continued to push my suitcase ahead of me. I had a mask on my face and a cap pulled low over my face. I recognized Minji on my phone and immediately smiled. Minji was in our bed, her face nestled in the pillow, and her eyes only half open.
"I miss you," Minji said as she looked at me, still half-asleep. I smiled and replied, "I miss you too." My AirPods were in my ears as I followed my manager. However, I stopped in my tracks when my manager did. I furrowed my brow in confusion. The older man gestured towards the crowd of people in front of the airport.
I sighed and looked back at my phone. Minji was nearly half-asleep, and I said, "I have to hang up. I'll text you when I'm at the hotel." I heard Minji start to mumble sleepily, and I chuckled softly before ending the call. I put my phone in my pocket and removed my mask. My manager immediately grabbed my suitcase.
With a smile on my face, I walked out of the airport. The cold wind enveloped me, but I didn't mind because, as usual, I was wearing a sweater. I smiled and greeted a few fans as I made my way to them. Some of them spoke in German, but it didn't bother me since I could also speak some German.
Apparently, my mother had grown up in Germany, so I was determined to learn the language as a child. I waved to my German fans with raised arms and took some photos with them, signing autographs. I had some free time despite having landed in Germany, but I didn't want to disappoint my fans.
There was only one good reason for my visit to Germany. It turned out... I had an aunt. A maternal aunt... My father had confessed this to me on my last visit. He even gave me her email address. I had written to her right away, and now I was standing here.
My manager quickly got us a car as I communicated with my fans. A smile played on my lips. It seemed that not many idols came to Germany. After saying goodbye to the fans with a wave, I got into the car my manager had arranged for us.
I immediately fastened my seatbelt. My manager drove out of the airport. "First, we'll check you into your hotel. You have a few interviews tomorrow and the day after, but overall, you'll have a lot of free time, as agreed," my manager said. I nodded in agreement.
"Could we go to a specific address afterward?" I asked. My manager glanced in the rearview mirror to look at me. He hesitated noticeably. "You look tired. You should rest for today," the older man advised, but this time, I shook my head.
"I'm fine," I replied, which made the older man sigh and focus his eyes on the road. Soft music was playing in the background. I looked at my manager curiously, wondering what he was getting at. "I've been your manager since your debut," the older man began. He occasionally glanced at me in the rearview mirror. "But I still know nothing about you," he said with a sigh. He looked at me repeatedly through the mirror.
I opened my mouth to speak. "It's not that you don't tell me enough... I'm just... I find it a shame. I hope to continue being your manager for the next few years," he said. A smile formed on my lips. To be honest, I was quite cautious with him. I'd heard stories about managers selling photos, information, or who knows what else. Perhaps... I was being a bit too cautious.
"I'm going to meet my aunt," I said after a short pause. My manager's eyes widened. We were stopped at a red light, and he turned his head to look at me. He seemed surprised. After a car honked at us, we saw it overtake us. "It won't get any greener!" the driver shouted in German as he passed us.
My manager shifted gears and started driving again. "On your mother's side?" I nodded in response. My manager nodded in understanding. "Does she know you're coming?" he asked, and I made an affirmative noise. My manager smiled. "Okay. We'll check you into your hotel, drop off your suitcase in your room, and then I'll take you to her," the older man said, his voice gentle.
I smiled and said, "Thank you," quietly, but my manager immediately shook his head. "No. Thank you," he replied and laughed nervously. "Thank you for trusting me. I know it's difficult for you," he added with a smile. I simply chuckled.
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"Oh my God," I heard in German. My aunt's eyes widened as she held her hands in front of her mouth. Her hands began to tremble as she looked at me. I smiled as I looked at the older woman. "Hello, I'm Y/n L/n," I said in German, bowing out of habit.
My aunt awkwardly imitated my bow. "Oh, um, yes. Come in, dear," she said as she opened the door a bit wider for me to enter. I nodded and took off my shoes before stepping into the apartment. I followed my aunt into the living room.
There, I spotted another person, seemingly around my age, sitting on the couch. The girl briefly looked at me, then back at her phone. A moment later, her head snapped back towards me, and her mouth dropped open. "MOM!" she practically yelled when she turned to her mother, my aunt.
My aunt looked confused. "What's going on? Why are you shouting?" she asked. The girl, my cousin, was clearly shocked to see me. She knew exactly who I was. "What? What's Y/n doing here?" she asked, her voice trembling as her eyes remained wide open.
My aunt turned to me and then back to my cousin. "Oh, you already know each other?" she asked, making me chuckle. My cousin, however, shook her head, rolled her eyes, and answered, "No, Mom. This is Y/n from Newjeans. K-pop, remember?"
My aunt made a noise and looked at me. Luckily, I could understand German, as this whole conversation had been in German from the beginning. "So, you're a pop star?" she asked, which made me laugh. My cousin approached me and started to nervously laugh. "Um, I'm Lena. Nice to meet you," my cousin introduced herself in English. My aunt looked at her daughter, clearly baffled. I chuckled and nodded my head.
"Nice to meet you, Lena. I'm Y/n," I replied in German, which seemed to shock Lena. My aunt let out a sigh and explained, "This is your cousin, Lena. Your Aunt Michelle's daughter."
"In Korea, my mother's name was Ji-a," I added with a grin as my aunt attempted to pronounce the name, and it didn't sound quite right.
"Here, have a seat," Lena said, using both hands to gesture toward the couch. I smiled and thanked her as I took a seat. My aunt went into the kitchen, leaving Lena to observe my every move.
"So... you're my cousin?" Lena asked nervously. I smiled and nodded, and she followed with another question, "Can I tell others about it?" I couldn't help but laugh. It was sweet that she asked instead of just doing it. I nodded, which seemed to relieve her.
"What's it like being an idol?" Lena asked, clearly interested. Her blue eyes were locked onto me. I smiled and replied, "Hard, but at the same time, it's beautiful. If you don't love what you do, it's just hard for you."
"How is Minji?" Lena asked, her cheeks turning slightly red. I raised an eyebrow and teased her, "What? Is she your bias?" Lena laughed and said, "Well, to be honest, it's Haerin, but... I might have a little crush on Minji."
I immediately pulled out my phone to check the time. Minji should be awake by now. "Should I call her?" I asked, which only made Lena grin even more, her cheeks now completely red. It seemed that my cousin had a crush on my girlfriend.
I chuckled and called Minji, turning my phone away from Lena for security reasons, and she understood. After a few rings, Minji answered, and I greeted her. However, instead of calling her "baby," I addressed her by her name, "Minji-ah." Minji furrowed her brow, noticing the change. I chuckled and explained, "My cousin wants to meet you. Do you have time?"
Minji's expression changed, and she smiled and nodded. I turned the camera towards my cousin, and they began communicating in English. I smiled broadly. After a short while, my aunt emerged from the kitchen with some snacks and tea. I introduced Minji to my aunt as well, but my aunt didn't seem to understand any English, so I translated everything for her.
After a brief conversation, I turned the phone back to face me. "I'm flying to Paris today. I'll be with you tomorrow," Minji said in Korean. My eyes widened in surprise. "What?" I asked, and Minji just smiled and hung up.
So, Minji was coming to Germany?
I watched as my aunt took a seat across from me, handing me one of the cups, which I graciously accepted. There was a hint of laughter in her eyes as she examined my entire face. "You look so much like your mother, Michelle," she said with a gentle, somewhat sad smile, her voice soft and tinged with sorrow.
I chuckled and nodded, "Yes, I've been told that before," I replied, smiling at my aunt. My gaze remained fixed on her, though I refrained from mentioning that my father often used this resemblance as a means of torment and emotional abuse.
Lena turned to her mother, then back to me, her curiosity apparent. "Aunt Michelle's real name is Michelle too?" she asked.
I couldn't help but smile as my aunt nodded in response. "Well, in Korea, she went by Ji-a. I, for example, have both an English and a Korean name. Don't ask me why, honestly," I added with a laugh, and Lena joined in the laughter.
Taking another sip of my tea, I turned my attention back to my aunt. "Tell me more about her," I whispered. My aunt smiled wistfully, and she seemed lost in thought. Evidently, she was reminiscing about the past. "Your mother was an amazing woman. She had this incredible passion for music, just like you, Y/n. She was a talented pianist, and her voice... it was like an angel's," she said with a smile.
My eyes widened in surprise, and I remained silent, my curiosity piqued. My hand cradled the teacup as I took another sip. Beside me, Lena seemed equally absorbed in learning more about her aunt, someone she had never met.
"Aunt Michelle was a bit of a mystery. I remember, back when we were young, we'd sit together at the piano for hours, making music. Her laughter was infectious, and her presence lit up any room she entered," my aunt continued, laughing softly. There was a sweet smile on her lips as she looked at me. It seemed like I reminded her a lot of my mother.
Lena smiled too, taking a small sip of her tea. "That sounds wonderful," she said softly. She looked at me with a smile on her face and then back to her mother. Her mother's gaze, however, held a tinge of sadness. The moment seemed bittersweet. "It was. We had dreams of pursuing music together, but life took us on different paths. She moved to Korea, and I stayed here. We lost touch over the years."
My eyes dropped to the floor, and I could feel my heart racing. I took a deep breath and said, "I wish I could've known her better," a faint smile playing on my lips. I swallowed hard, feeling a lump in my throat. My aunt smiled at me, her eyes shining.
"She'd be so proud of the person you've become, Y/n. You carry her spirit with you," she reassured me, and I couldn't help but be moved by her words.
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onboardsorasora · 6 months
Text
had an aggravating afternoon and decided to make Daniel and Lewis fuck about it. Or rather, sexual tension about it
Daniel glared at his screen, hoping the scorching of the fires of a thousand suns would be felt by the person on the other side of the email exchange. 
He loved his job, truly. It was fulfilling and rewarding and all the other things people said when they liked their job. And it paid him a bitchload of money.
He loved his job, but he hated this client. Lewis Hamilton was the bane of his existence. He hated dealing with him, he hated needing to request things from him. He hated seeing his email address at the top of his inbox. He hated him and his love of ‘per my last email’. If your email was clear, then there would be no follow up for clarification, now would there be? He was such a prick.
With a braying groan, Daniel shot up from his desk to pace the hallway. Lando looked out from his cubicle knowingly.
“Lewis again?”
“Mate, I hate that fucker so much.” Daniel grumbled. His detestation for Lewis was widely known in the office. Every month there was a betting pool about how quickly Lewis would annoy Daniel. Max won every time, he knew that Daniel waited until the last possible moment to email Lewis, claiming he was waiting for Lewis to email first. He rarely did. And Daniel would wait until the third business day at 10am. Lewis wouldn’t respond until the day after at earliest. It was like clockwork at this point.
“Hey Seb.” Daniel muttered on his second pass.
“Just who I wanted to see, we have a lunch meeting tomorrow, so please wear clothes that aren’t sweats.” Seb turned to leave.
“Who are we meeting?”
“MERC”
Daniel stood glaring at his back as he got into the lift. “I quit!” he yelled and Seb laughed.
“See you tomorrow Danny!”
“Fuckin hell.” Daniel muttered stomping back down the hall and into his office, there at the top of his email was a meeting invite from Lewis Hamilton. Daniel hoped he didn’t embarrass Seb by lunging over the table and punching the man in the face.
— - —
Daniel glared at his plate as he speared his salad with his fork. Lewis Hamilton was honestly just as frustrating in person as he was online. And unfortunately, he was fucking hot. 
Seb and Toto were knee deep in conversation and Lewis was texting. Daniel wondered if he got up and left if anyone would notice. 
He stifled a groan when a sauce covered brussel sprout fell on his shirt. Lovely. With a muttered ‘excuse me’ that went unanswered, he stood and wandered to the toilets. 
He grabbed up a wad of hand towels and wet a spot before dabbing it at the greasy stain. He didn’t notice when the door opened or closed behind him.
“So this is the face of my favourite client.” A velvety voice sounded to his left and Daniel narrowed his eyes at Lewis leaning on the stray column. He looked hot in the low warm light, it made his skin glow. 
“Favourite? You flatter me.” Daniel knew marketing was just a circle jerk of ass kissing and he wasn’t immune. As much as he hated the man, he made them a lot of money. And they in turn made him a lot of money.
“I know I can be a bit…difficult. But I appreciate you.” 
Daniel snorted before he could even think to bite it back, Lewis lifted an eyebrow at him.
“You disagree?” Lewis challenged. “I can take coaching, tell me.” 
“Mate, I have nothing to say. No notes.” Daniel raised his hands in a passive gesture before chucking his paper towels in the bin. 
“C’mon Mr Seeking Clarification.” Lewis goaded with a smirk and Daniel felt his eye twitch. He took a deep breath and put a smile on his face, he wasn’t doing this. 
“I’m not doing this.” He moved past Lewis to the door, he would not be goaded into whatever the fuck this was. He liked his job and insulting one of his best clients wouldn’t be a good look.
Lewis however, didn’t get the memo Daniel was mentally reading because he grabbed him by the arm and pressed him against the other side of the column. Daniel looked at him with wide eyes.
“Mate, what the fuck?”
“A little birdie told you me you ‘fucking hate my guts’.” Lewis was smirking and Daniel felt his the bottom of his stomach give way. “And I figured, we could hash it out.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Lando really has no filter when he drinks, did you know that?”
Daniel knew his eyes were dinner plate wide, because Lewis’ smile was stretched across his face. His dimples were cute, Daniel thought idly.
“And how do you know Lando?” Daniel croaked.
“He’s friends with Toto’s son George. But we’re getting distracted.” Lewis flicked at one of the buttons on Daniel’s navy shirt. Daniel grabbed his tattooed wrist. 
“Look, I don’t care what Lando’s told you or George. I can be professional.” Because that’s how Daniel saw this. He could be professional, and like walk into traffic or off of a building. But like, professionally.
“Or,” Lewis said, “maybe we could fuck about it.” He said it like he was negotiating a new rate or budget and Daniel glared at him.
“Listen mate–” 
Lewis cut him off with a kiss, pressing their lips together and licking into Daniel’s mouth. It was sloppy and dirty and Daniel clenched Lewis’ wrist that he still held.
Lewis pulled back first, smirking spit wet lips at the dazed look in Daniel’s eyes.
“You’re very annoying, you know that?” Daniel muttered, licking his swollen lips.
“Go on.” Lewis pressed his hips against Daniel’s breathing out a groan.
“And you use a lot of words to say nothing. If you’re sending over actionable shit, just be direct about it.” Daniel groaned when Lewis pinched his nipple. 
“Be direct huh?” 
“Mhm.”
“Fine then, I want you to fuck me. Make me feel it.” Challenging chocolate met horny honey and Lewis licked Daniel’s lips.
“Yeah? Alright. Your place or mine?”
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ghostofasecretary · 3 months
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ok, let's keep this quick
- so like. i haven't had a day with No Obligations since the 18th. that's 10 days. tomorrow and the day after i'm working. i need A Break because i am Tired
- aaaaaaaah grad schools why do people keep telling me i'm cool and promising and they're enthusiastic about me and then i DON'T GET MONEY (or. well. i turned a place that gave me money down because of a potential supervisor leaving)
- i have so many loose threads. emails unanswered for months. i spent a fuckload of money on some stuff with the intent to make it back and Have Not Taken Steps to do that which is crappy, actually!! feels REALLY BAD! all the time bad! bad for months!
- i fucking hate letting things fester and my whole day except for poetry and a text convo has been festering
- which feels like a microcosm of my fucking life. which is unfair, probably, but. ya rab
- i straight up just? dissociated almost all the time between 6:30 and 10am??? that's not great!
- my job is getting me money, yay, but it's part time and also i keep going wildly between "i am winning" and "i'm so miserably bad at this and probably no one wants to work with me i keep fucking up i hate myself" and "hey now stop beating yourself up" and boredom and misgendering and "Holy Shit Man I Hate Your Politics So Much but i do care about you as a person! so! guess some of the Christianity stuck!!! hahahahahaha fuck my life"
- i don't know if i can a) get a job and b) move in time to maintain the illusion that grad school worked out for me but 1) i need to move yesterday, i haven't hugged a friend since fucking January, and 2) i was really hoping August would work out and i don't want to work longer. my whole year has been "well maybe i'll get answers and know what i'm doing next month!" and by year i mean. since. like. december 2023. although Applying To Grad School sure ate all of my energy for a long fucking time. so i'd LIKE to get a job and move in late August/early September. but also holy shit man
- i feel some duty to myself to still apply for more grad school jobs but i haven't had a spare afternoon with emotional support since. like. the first weekend of June. (i have had mornings with emotional support (thanks babe)) but i have been mostly using those for homework (and fugue states of misery (sorry.)) so, like. aaaaaa??????
- i'm so mad and scared and also, like, i don't have TIME to be mad and scared, i'm behind on things and also this is my short and precious life! there's people to talk to and good food to eat and nice clothes to wear and fiction to read! i don't want to waste it being upset! i've been upset since 2022, basically, and i'm really fucking tired of it!!!
- what if nothing ever works out and i'm broke forever and rely on my parents like my sister does and am an even worse resource drain and they don't get to retire and I DON'T MEET MY SELF IMPOSED DEADLINE FOR. LITERALLY 40 MINUTES FROM NOW.
- and tomorrow i have/want to be fucking chipper at people! because goddamn it, i actually genuinely want people to have their days be a bit more pleasant from interacting with me and i like running a smooth ship! when i'm not making mistakes, which i make more of when i'm tired and upset!! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
so. that's a lot of self-loathing and fear and frustration. uh. i don't know that this. resolved anything, aside from me saying the crazy out loud (and yes, i DO KNOW where the crazy is, but going "well don't be crazy" to myself is deeply unhelpful since it turns into another beating stick so. alas)
but i guess now i'll. work on my goals????
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