#train rides are easily in my top 5 favorite things on earth

[time-to-cause-chaos]

i still hear your voice in the traffic (we’re laughing)

Tony promised Peter he'd teach him to drive, he's not here anymore though. (or Happy and Peter talk about Tony and Nat over a steering wheel)

AO3 link  WC: 2, 466

tw: brief suicide mention, not of Peter or the Avengers though

Peter was now 16 years old.

It was about 8 months after Tony and Nat had both sacrificed themselves to bring back the lost half of the world and defeat Thanos.  That 50% of the population that had turned to dust were all back and so many people were reunited with their loved ones, which would have been great.

Except it was overlooked that so many people hadn’t had that luxury.

There was one of Peter’s neighbors, he was in college the last time he’d seen him.  Anyways, his moms lived together and Peter  always saw him around visiting them and bringing them dinner and flowers.  Apparently they had both been blipped which left him an orphan in college.  They never got to see him graduate and he had killed himself not even 2 weeks after the ceremony.

The suicide rates had shot up a lot during those years, so many people had quite literally vanished and it was impossible to stay hopeful when there was absolutely nothing they could hold on to and a lot of people saw suicide as the only solution.

But when those dusted people came back, the people they seeked out in the crowds were gone, already long lost.

May told him when the parents had been brought back and everything had settled, they’d gone around looking for anyone who’d know where their son was, May was the one who had to tell them before they drove themselves crazy looking.  May had to tell them that the kid who’d always bring home the pasta he knew they liked and the chocolate bars he knew were their favorites, was gone, and that was just one story.

Honestly from what Peter had heard, during those 5 years, it had been like watching an empire collapse all around you and you being stuck in the middle with no way to help, just constricted to seeing everything around fall into rubble on the ground and collect into towers of misery and ash.

There was a part of Peter that was overjoyed that he hadn’t been one to stick around because without MJ and Ned who were also dusted, he doesn’t know what he’d do, another huge part of Peter wished he had stuck around (not that he had had a choice), just so he could help everyone else, so he could have talked every single person who had to live through that and just fix all of their problems because that must have sucked beyond anything he could ever imagine.

And Peter knows he hasn’t lost as many people as most because others lost everything, their families, their friends.

 But he lost Tony.  

He lost another person who he thought he could protect and who he, naive as he is, thought he would have forever.

But he messed up.

And he messed up bad, because now Tony had an incredible daughter Morgan who didn’t have her dad anymore because Peter had to stand by uselessly and cry while he listened to Tony’s heart stutter to a hard stop.

Pepper didn’t have her husband, Rhodey and Happy didn’t have their best friend, and the world didn't have their Iron Man.

(And Peter didn’t have his Tony)

Happy was supposed to take him driving later and Peter has been stalling for months now.  It's not because he doesn’t wanna know how to drive because he definitely does, that would be awesome, but Tony promised him he’d teach him to drive and he’d let him take one of his fancy cars for a spin and going without him felt wrong, like when you lose a tooth and there’s a weird new gap there that's not supposed to be there.

Tony had promised he’d teach him.

He was not going to be able to wriggle his way out of this one though, his excuses just kept getting flimsier and flimsier.

“Hey Peter want me to take you driving later” “Shoot, I wish,  but I have a decathlon meet”

“Are you free later to go for a ride?” “Sorry, I have a test I need to study for”

“You still need to learn how to use the shifts, Pete” “I know, I know, but I wanted to get some extra patrolling in tonight”

Happy had actually brought the issue up in person once, “Kid, it’s fine if you don’t wanna learn but is there a reason?  You used to always talk about learning to drive.”

He had mumbled a quick excuse and sprinted out of there.

His entire class already knew how to drive and everyone was always carpooling to each other's houses but Peter could care less.  He only hung with Ned and Mj for the most part, so it never really affected him anyways.

Another thing was he felt like he was letting May down, because he knows she really wants him to get his license, but every time he tries to even think about it he feels nauseous, like he just dropped on a roller coaster.

Knock knock

The nausea was back.

Peter reluctantly shrugged on his jacket and opened the door to the apartment.

“Hey Happy,” he waved.  He was pretty sure Happy could see something was wrong, but he hasn’t said anything yet.

“Hey kiddo, you ready to go?” he asked.

Peter nodded and stepped briskly out the door.

Happy was driving them to some empty parking lot to get him started off with and the ride was pretty much silent except for when Happy asked if May was home, Peter had said no, May had taken an extra shift and  was still at work.  Then Happy asked if he was feeling alright and pressed a cool hand to his forehead to check his temperature, Peter easily brushed him off and changed the subject as he tried not to fidget.

They pulled into the lot and switched seats once they’d parked, Happy gave him another quick run through of the gears and shifts even though he’d already heard this a dozen times and had him drive through the parking spaces setting up a path for him to go through. 

“You know, if you really don’t want to do this, it’s fine Pete, right?”, Happy said from the passenger's seat.

He knows that, and he knows Happy would be fine if he told him the truth, if he told him that even the thought of driving made him go dizzy and he knows Happy would understand but it seemed like he was the only one still hooked on this.  Everyone else seemed fine at family game nights and when they’d all get together for dinner, but every time Peter felt tears well up because Nat wasn’t there to absolutely demolish them in Jenga and Tony wasn't there to outsmart his way to the top of every monopoly round, the gaps were everywhere taking up no space and yet so much at the same time.

He’d see pictures taken recently of everyone and the first thing his mind would go to was who wasn’t in that picture?  Who was missing from the picture because of stupid Thanos (or because Peter wasn’t good enough to have helped save them-)?

Peter tightened his grip on the steering wheel, “It’s fine, I can do this,”.

Happy still looked unsure but he let him go ahead, driving slowly through the spaces and twisting through the planters spaced throughout.

After a while Happy helped him drive onto the street and showed him what to do at the lights and gave him little tips about whenever he turned.  

How to turn your blinker on.

Those were the windshield wipers.

Something about the rearview mirror…

And suddenly there were the sounds of horns honking and Happy was reaching over and jerking the steering wheel, pulling them out of the center of the road where- where Peter had almost slammed into another car.

Shit

Happy, still leaned over him, steered them both to the side as Peter stayed frozen clutching the edges of the seat with white knuckles.

The cold fist around his heart was suddenly squeezing the second they were parked on the side of the road, he was sobbing before Happy could even ask what the hell just happened.

He had almost hit another car.

That person could have died and it would’ve been his fault.

There could’ve been a family in that car.

His fault, again.

Where was Tony?

Words practically tumbled out of his mouth, the elaborately built wall holding everything in just broke and his mouth was moving against his will between each separate sob.

“I’m sorry, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to” Peter gasped, it felt like a vacuum had come and sucked up every ounce of oxygen, because he could not breathe.

Happy was staring at him in confusion, really worried, probably because Peter had almost hurt another person.

“Jesus, kid, it’s alright, okay?  It’s alright, see we’re both fine, nothing happened”  Happy’s brows are tense as he watches Peter crumble.

His face fell as he watched Peter cry, “There was a reason you didn’t want to come out here, wasn’t there?”

Peter’s breathing is everywhere as he gives a harsh nod, refusing to lift his eyes up to meet Happy’s.

“Tony said- he promised he’d show me how to d-drive”

Tony’s voice in his head, laughing as Peter bonked his head on the lab table in his excitement  before asking if he was alright.

“and N-Nat said once I got my license, s-she’d let me drive her to her favorite restaurant and you k-know she hates letting other people drive her” Peter choked, “She said we could get ice cream after”

Nat’s favorite restaurant was the Syrian place with the majestic Arabic letters painted inside on the walls, she loved the frozen yogurt place where it was self-serve and she could load it with as many boba bubbles and chocolate chips as she wanted.  

The first time they’d trained together, she had let him win, after the match he’d told her to not underestimate him, she’d only lost 2 more times after that.  

MJ was nervous to talk to Nat at first, and MJ was never nervous, after though, they’d talk all the time and it was immediately decided that they were probably one of the most terrifying and badass duos to ever walk the Earth.

Happy was still watching him in a frozen silence, “Tony told me h-he’d let me take his old red car for a drive, and we’d always l-laugh and talk about which car suited me b-est” a new set of tears was coming, “He kept saying he’d get me the best car there was and I always said you don’t have to because I wanted to earn it, myself” his breath hitched again and his next sentence was practically squeezed out of him, “He always said I’ve already earned it”

Tony and him laughing in the lab and dancing to the music FRIDAY had put on for them.  Pepper coming down and just watching wearily with a smile as something caught on fire and they both ran around like idiots trying to put it out.  

Somehow, he always ended up sleeping on Tony during movie night and the team had an abundance of pictures in the album with them.  

Tony claiming he burned everything he cooked, but making pasta that could rival anyone’s anyways. 

 Peter calling him after a nightmare and just talking until he eventually fell asleep.  

He and Ned had worshiped him growing up and even after meeting him a gazillion times, Ned still stared with wide eyes as he walked away, because he was Tony Stark, he was Iron Man for god’s sake.  The shock of it never got old, Peter felt the same most of the time.

“Happy-”, another hitch, “Happy, they’re both gone” Peter finally looked up at him and did a double-take when he realized there were shining tears in his eyes, and the older man was looking at him with a conflicted look, but Peter needed to finish this first.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I couldn't help or do anything-” he takes in a shuddering breath and Happy looks mad, why was he mad?

“Peter, you’re going to listen to me when I say this” Peter nods confirmation and Happy’s voice is a lot softer, “It wasn’t your fault, none of it was, at all, I promise.  Tony did everything he did for you, kid I-” Happy coughed, trying to subtly wipe the tear that fell, “Do you know how devastated he was every time your name would pop up on the missing or he saw a picture of you?  The first months, we’d have to drag him out of his lab, kicking and screaming because he was still trying to find ways to bring you back.” Peter shut his eyes, trying not to imagine the horrific scene. 

“When he had Morgan he was so worried he’d mess up and he’d always tell us about how happy you would be if you knew you had a sister.  He didn’t want to lose Morgan because he’d already lost you, he thought with Morgan he had a second chance and I know he never ever stopped thinking about you.” Happy looked wistful, and his gaze may have been on Peter but it was obvious he wasn’t really seeing him.

Happy breathed in, closing his eyes, “And Nat, well that girl was one hard kick.  You know the first time I met her she flipped be over, I had bruises that lasted weeks” 

Peter huffs, trying a laugh, “That seems like Nat”

“She talked about you too, a lot, she was pretty fond of you,  talking about how awesome you were.  I remember in the first few years where you were gone, she’d always be down in the training room but I never once saw her actually training.  You were one of her favorite people to spar with and she worked around the clock trying to bring everyone back.  You were a part of her family, we all were.” Happy zeroes in on him again, “Tony and Nat were alike in a lot of ways, but one of the big ones was they both loved you, kid.  Those two are peas in a pod and I have never seen them look as proud as they were when they looked at you, it’s not your fault they’re gone.  They knew the risks and what it would take to bring you back”

Peter listened, numb,  as Happy’s words echoed through his head dully, bouncing, back and forth, back and forth.

They both loved you, kid.

It’s not your fault.

Happy squeezed his shoulder, blinking his irritated eyes, “Let’s go get some food, kid.  We can finish the driving lessons some other time.”

thanks for reading, i hope you liked it! (Reblogs appreciated!)

[fizzingwizard]

Digimon Adventure: Ep 19!

Wow! That certainly was an Episode!! It was pretty fun from start to finish, though nothing mind-blowing, but it was definitely the ending that made me gasp. Not wholly unexpected to an old turnip like me, but promising lots of fun (and angst!).

Picture of the week: MIKO, THE TRUE STAR OF THE SERIES!!

no for serious are the writers reading my reviews? they keep giving me what I want. within reason I guess. They seem to have an extremely limited budget as usual x’D

but Miko is still adorbs

ok I’m really looking forward to recapping this one so let’s get to it!

So last week I thought the kids sans Taichi and Yamato were abducted by Devimon, but apparently that either isn’t the case, or it was, but then Devimon decided it’s best just to dump the kids back on Earth and hold on to their partners. Because that’s the current situation. While concerning that the kids are separated from their partners, it’s probably best this way, since Devimon appears to be sending Gesomon(?) and Parrotmon(?)

to the human world, if I remember right. It’s hard to remember what happened in the first fifteen seconds kay So when the kids find their partners it will probably be in the human world and they can fight back.

Meanwhile Taichi and Yamato are alone and very Confuse

Taichi tries frantically to contact Koushirou. The others too... but especially Koushirou.

Finally he gets him!! He’s so happy!! My Taishiro heart flutters!

But I was fully expecting it to be a trap. When I saw this still here, my first thought was “Devimon’s forcing him to tell Taichi a lie by threatening him with a gun!!”

of course thats not whats happening. Koushirou is relatively fine and there are no guns (yet). What’s happened is the other kids have been sent back to the human world for reals this time!

This show is not even bothering to hide its Taiyama angle.

They spend the entire episode giving each other Significant Looks like this. The entire episode.

Now where’s Jou through all of this, you ask?

He went to talk to the police. He’s shocked they don’t believe his story about monster attacks and the world ending (well, at least Tokyo ending). I freaking love how taaaaall Jou is. Though it makes Koushirou look like a bean x’D

Jou = beansprout / Koushirou = bean

Koushirou has a much easier time dealing with the news that the police don’t believe them. He’s a denizen of the Internet. He knows how people’s minds work. And he has tons of chat logs to prove it.

People are chatting and spreading gossip and disbelief and complaints, but my favorite is the comment that just says “It’s a flood of fake news” xP

The home team runs into Mama Yagami! Who Sora literally calls Mama Yagami! x’D I mean I know that’s how kids generally refer to their friends’ parents but I still lol’d.

So un... Jou is almost as tall as Mama Yagami. LMAO. I’m gonna assume she’s short. Jou might indeed be quite tall for his age but Sora and Mimi are pretty close to Mama Yagami’s height too. I guess we haven’t seen Taichi standing next to his mom yet! With his hair he’s probably taller than her.

So Mama Yagami is HILARIOUS and I’m so glad that’s a continuing thing in the reboot! She was already that way in 99 Adventure, but we’re just seeing a lot of it now - like every time she’s around. (And we didn’t see it in Tri so I missed that.) Basically she seems like a basketcase. Not a totally irresponsible one, more like just... generally the carefree go with the flow type. Which is not bad. She just also seems a bit, uh, ditzy?? I think Taichi probably grew to be so serious by necessity. Dad’s busy with work and someone’s gotta make sure mom doesn’t leave the house without her keys!

The way Sora just stares at Hikari like “explain??” after Mama Yagami thrusts Miko at her and runs off to get her car with a big smile as if they hadn’t all nearly died recently... bahahaha.

also I love how she doesn’t even bother asking her son’s good friend if she knows where he is after not seeing or hearing from him for three full days

^The face of a boy shouldering the weight of nuclear family life and all its batshitness

Taichi and Yamato determine their priority is find the Holy Digimon. I wish they were a little more concerned with what happened to their friends’ partners, but I guess this is the only goal with solid clues. Anyway before they can do anything they are attacked by Bulbmon Looks like subtitlers went with Valvemon which also works, who looks like a Lego monster creation by an eight year old (and probably is).

He has the Domo face. Grrraaah

Domo is NHK mascot by the way. bahahaha

Next these guys come swarming out of Valvemon. (And if we didn’t already get it, apparently Digimon can construct other Digimon as we’ve seen before.) Nothing is quite as freaky as gas masks. They are commanded by Minotaurmon/Mintaromon whatever.

They too have the aim of Stormtroopers though so our heroes will be fine...

... probably...

... then Leomon finally shows up!! Yay! He looks good! All beefy and scarred and sounding exactly like Zaraki Kenpachi. Uhh. Is it the same VA?? Nothing comes up in the Google search so maybe not but it sure sounds like him. (Minotaurmon and Ogremon also sound like Leomon... while it’s normal for VAs in kids shows to voice multiple characters esp minor ones, it literally sounds like Zaraki Kenpachi is the voice of all the characters in this episode besides the main ones. And Mama Yagami of course because that would be weird.)

Leomon may look cool, but his ride... and his friends... uh, less cool x’D I want to strangle that ostrich thing with its own scarf somehow it inspires violent emotion in me

In the smallest, most shocked voice, Yamato says, “Leomon...?” It’s honestly kind of adorable. He’s clearly remembering what Neemon said about Leomon leading the resistance way back when.

Leomon helps them escape. Taichi very considerately and cutely helps Agumon aboard the fashion disaster ostrich emu thing.

Yamato also considerately helps his partner but rather less cutely xD

Leomon takes them to his hideout and gives them your standard fare of weird-looking Digi fruit. He then proceeds to tell them about Devimon and that he is trying to infiltrate Valvemon yadda yadda.

Taichi is freaking ADORABLE, immediately concerned that by saving their asses, Leomon’s battle plans have been ruined. Leomon waves that aside though. Yamato is equally adorabibble when he asks after Neemon and gets told that they made it to Leomon safely.

Leomon plans to try to get into Valvemon again because he knows Devimon’s put something related to the holy Digimon in there. Taichi is determined to join in. He doesn’t have much of an argument as it why they should be allowed when they just got their butts kicked so easily, but he has a trick up his sleeve: the Burning Eyes of Fiery Passion.

Not to be outdone, Yamato shoots off his Icy Eyes of Cold Determination.

Faced with this twin assault, Leomon has to give in. Ahh, I remember last week when we saw the trailer for this ep and I naively thought Leomon would train them like Piximon did in 99 Adventure. Nope. They’ve just met and they’re already spy buddies.

Okay, okay, yeah Leomon does seem to have some knowledge of the “Chosen Children” and that’s his real motivation. Still.

They break into Valvemon and we get the excellent invention of Agumon riding on Garurumon. I assume because of Garurumon’s advantageous speed. That seems to be recurring thing in this show.

Idk I just capped this because he’s so darn cute

I don’t know why I capped this one though.

They enter some sort of central space where Leomon tells them something relevant to the holy Digimon is being kept. (Lol I already forgot the details of what he said.) There are two protectors, Minotaurmon and Bullmon. Leomon tells the kids to take Bullmon while he faces down Minotaurmon. These guys might have been somewhat intimidating if we hadn’t already got Perfect level evolutions mastered, not to mention the occasional Jogress :P Sooo I didn’t feel too worried.

... uh, never mind x’D Taichi what are you doing

Yamato saves his idiot butt and almost gets in a bind himself. Once again I’m just wondering why they are sticking at Adult level. Whatever. They win of course

Leomon uses his Fist of the Beast King to maim Minotaurmon. His brilliant one-liner? “I have more than one first.”

Bully: *punches you*

You: ow

Bully: *smirk* I have more than one fist.

You: That’s funny, I only have one, but it’s made of titanium *You punch the bully straight through the stratosphere* Quality over quantity!!!!

*cough*

Our heroes approach the secret compartment supposedly holding something to do with the holy Digimon... Yamato gets a look inside and gets the black shadow of true terror over his eyes

becaue floating inside like some kind of Weapon X experiment is... Takeru!!!

Hold on while I put in my ear plugs. Okay, ready, screech all you want now.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

So... okay. First of all, baby Takeru is sooooooo cute <3 I had two predictions about what happened to Takeru last week. Either he ended up in the digital world and was now on his own, or he got abducted by Devimon. I thought the former was more likely, but in hindsight, it should have been obvious that it was the second. This show misses a lot of points where I feel like they could have developed some relationships or thrown in some drama, but it never passes up a chance for Yamato angst.

So yeah, this is pretty much gonna destroy Yamato xD Not only is the baby brother he wanted to protect no longer at home where he can easily protect him, he’s now in the digital world and in the enemy’s clutches.

I BETTER SEE REALLY TRAUMATIZED YAMATO NEXT WEEK. Of course, I expect him to be cool-headed enough to try to save Takeru, but I will be very disappoint if this goes off with no break downs at all. Takeru is always Yamato’s number one priority!

Super exciteddddd

So I give this ep 7.5/10. The .5 is pretty much for ending with a killer cliffhanger. My one real complaint about this ep is how highly plot-based everything is - we finally got the team all together only to split them up, and on top of that, once split up, we don’t even get all that many character moments between Taichi and Yamato. As I said, they give each other lots of Signifcant Looks, but man cannot live on bread alone. However this is par for the course for this show and I know I should stop mentioning it every week because I doubt it’s changing. We will get the big shockers when we get them and not a moment before.

I just want Yamato to cry in front of Taichi and make him all uncomfortable x’D That’s what made 99 Adventure so great bahahaha

Some cool bits from next week’s trailer:

Surprise surprise, Angemon is the holy Digimon! Or one of, anyway. And he is indeed trapped. This makes the “Angemon is Devimon” theory less likely. Let’s not forget that our heroes’ Digimon partners were evidently a band of powerful warriors in the past, but they’ve forgotten much of it. I won’t be surprised if the result of that war played a part in Angemon’s abduction.

Next week they’ll have to fight to save Takeru from being drained, I guess.

And then!! Digi egg! Excite. Also I only just noticed that his hate says TK!!!

Takeruuu <3 My first fav when I was 10. Though my heart has belonged to Taichi for many long years, I still have a special spot in it for Takeru only <3 Even if he does dress like a celery stick

[aprils-arcadia]

By the River

Member: Shownu Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1,9k Summary: You watch the sunrise from your favorite place in your hometown, when you are suddenly interrupted by a handsome stranger. 

She was sitting on the little concrete slope near the river. Once it was probably used to let boats into the water, but that had stopped even before she was born. Now it was just one of the nicest places to sit and think. With the river to her right and the embankment to her left she was surrounded by trees in this little nook.  

She used to come here quite often when she still lived nearby with her parents but by now she had moved into the city and the visits to her parents were less frequent than she was comfortable with. Work had taken up way too much of her life and driving home with public transport had always been a hassle. So over time the visits got rarer and rarer, making her miss this place and her parents even more. No matter where she went she always treasured this little fleck of earth in the town she grew up in and spent so many happy years of her childhood. Whenever she came back a smile always adorned her face no matter if it was snowing, bright sunshine, or raining like it just had a second ago.   

It had been a nice summer shower, washing away the dust and the dry heat. Unfortunately it was over before it even really began. Her clothes had already dried within the last few minutes but the remaining raindrops on the embankment still glistened in the now returned sun. 

This wasn’t a famous tourist spot or a hotspot of the local youth, no this was her secret spot. The spot she spent so many hours as a kid, talking to her friends or just being alone with her thoughts. In this little niche beside the river she had her privacy. If she wanted to cry nobody would notice and if she laughed nobody would care. 

It had been the right choice to take the week off, to get away from work and to spend her little vacation here, right where she would always belong. The week housesitting for her parents brought back so many memories, memories that were still ever present in the house itself, be it the old photobooks in her dad’s office or the big framed picture depicting all her family members, her uncles, her cousins and she herself: A young girl forced to wear a dress to look pretty but her hair the usual unkempt mess. She was sitting next to her mom and desperately tried to hide a patched-up finger behind her back but the white bandages still shone brightly next to her dark blue dress.

She stretched her arms into the air and a yawn escaped her mouth. It had been worth getting up at 5 a.m., seeing the sun rise over the horizon, colouring the sky in a bright orange was a sight that was worth every minute of lost sleep. She probably should go back to get ready for the day but not yet, instead she rolled her jacket into a little pillow and layed down on the hard concrete, the tiny stones hurting her back a little but not enough to make her want to leave. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. The earthy smell of petrichor and the fresh scent of the river filled her lungs and she smiled to herself. 

She truly loved this place. 

The sound of the steady waves lapping on to the shore whenever a boat went past, the screeching of the lone seagull that had made its way down south and the rustling of the wind in the leaves around her lulled her into a comfortable nothingness.

Her reverie was interrupted by an unfamiliar smell and the sound of the dry grass being crunched under someone’s feet. Lazily she opened her eyes only to look up at a young man around her age. 

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you.” He took a step back. “I'd better leave". 

"No worries." She sat up and turned around to look at him properly. He was wearing a pair of black running shorts and a black sleeveless top. His hair was disheveled and still wet either from the rain or from the sweat that was also running down his arms making them shimmer in the morning sun. “I wasn't really sleeping and I should probably leave soon anyway."

"I didn't mean to drive you away. It's not like I own the place." He shrugged his shoulders and smiled shyly. 

"True" she giggled. He looked kind and trusting. His eyes radiated a calm and warm aura that made her feel instantly comfortable around him. "Do you wanna sit down?"

"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind." He ran his fingers through his dark brown hair, so that it no longer stuck to his forehead but now lay in strands. 

She scooted over and gestured at him to sit down. "Not at all. There’s plenty of room for the both of us." 

He sat down next to her, adjusting a bit so that their shoulders would be far enough apart.

"I'm sorry that this is gonna sound like one of those cheesy pick up lines but do you come here often?" A sweet laugh left her mouth, as warm as the summer sun. "Cheesy doesn't necessarily mean bad, I mean that one's a classic.” 

"No,” He corrected quickly “I just meant that I've never seen you around here." 

"I used to live here when I was younger,” She brushed off the sand from her calves and unfolded her little jacket pillow. “Now I'm just housesitting. What about you?" She looked into his eyes as if it was the most natural thing, somehow awkwardness never crossed her mind.

"I've discovered this place on one of my morning runs.” He leaned forward to tighten the knot on his bright blue sneakers. "And now I always stop by here each morning when I'm done."

"Commendable" 

"If you say so.” He smiled at her, his face losing all its rough features instantly. “I just really like this place.” His gaze wandered over to the water that was slowly receding only to be pushed back onto the shore. "It's nice to just sit, watch the waves and just be for a second."

"I agree.” she said. “Nobody really bothers you, well normally at least." She scrunched up her nose and they both laughed.   

“Yeah, sorry about that.” he apologized, still smiling brightly.

“Soo…” she leaned back examining his broad back and shoulders trying to read the letters that were printed on his shirt. “Sho-”

“-Shownu.” he finished. 

“So, what brings you to this neck of the woods, Shownu? I mean there isn't really anything here.” Her hometown had always been a place for old people, sure they had an elementary school but that was about it. The local businesses were slowly moving to the city and apart from one big company, a few bakers and supermarkets it was pretty much just a residential area. No nightlife, on the contrary even, this neck of the woods still clung to their night and sunday rest rules so tightly that loud music after 10 p.m. could easily be answered by the old lady two houses over calling the police on you. The cinema in the nearest town had gone bankrupt and you had to drive half an hour by bus to even get to a decent clothing store. It was no wonder that everyone moved to the city when they finally got the chance.  

"Well, I got seconded here a few months back. I work over there.” He pointed to the big building visible on the horizon on the other side of the river. “I found a nice flat on this side so I just took it. The ferry isn’t that bad of a commute”

“I loved to ride the ferry as a kid.” She said enthusiastically, remembering all the times she went over to the other side to go to the beach or to walk around with her friends and their dogs.  

“Well it gets old rather quickly I can tell you. But the water and the fresh air is a nice wake up on an early morning.” He leaned back steading himself on his hands. 

“And how do you like it here so far?” she asked, playing around with the little blade of grass she had plucked to her right. 

“To be honest, in the beginning it was quite the change. I grew up in a big city and was always so used to the bustle on the streets and the huge amount of people. This is the complete opposite. I mean I once went a day without seeing another human soul on the streets. It had quite the apocalyptic vibe.” He laughed. 

“It probably just meant that the local football team was playing.” She shrugged. Those had been the best days, when almost everyone was out and no one roamed the streets anymore. As a child she used those days to play badminton in the streets with her brother or go for a walk without ever meeting anyone. It was a nice change of pace each time. 

“That makes sense. Anyway it’s actually really nice to live here.”

“Why is that? I mean I know my reason but I’d like to hear yours.” The blade of grass in her hand was now a tiny ball of knots. She put it down beside her and gave it a little flick, watching it roll down the concrete and into the water. 

“I think it’s quite idyllic. When I lived in the city everything seemed so cold, distant and impersonal. In comparison this place feels unbelievably warm. This is probably gonna sound stupid but it feels loved”

She didn’t answer. Instead she just looked at his profile, at the kindness in his eyes and let his words slowly sink in. This place feels loved. To hear someone else say this made her incredibly happy. 

“Sorry that was a bit weird.” he said sitting back up, looking at her. 

“No, not at all.” She let her head sink between her knees looking out onto the shoreline and the line of grasses which gently swayed in the wind.

“I’m really telling you everything here, huh” he chuckled a little shyly and rubbed the back of his head. 

“Sure seemed that way.” she smiled. 

“Must be this place, makes it way too easy to open up to a complete stranger. Well now you owe me one. What brought you back here?”

“Since we are already on the sappy side of things I can just hop onto the train.” She took a deep breath and sighed “I miss this place. It makes life seem so simple and easy. I can forget about work and the stress of the city when I come here.” She smiled, more to herself that to anybody and her eyes were clouded with nostalgia. “In the end it’s home, simple as that.” 

Without warning a loud ringing tone interrupted their conversation. “Oh sh*t.” Shownu got up, quickly turning off the alarm on his phone. “I’m sorry to just leave like this.”

“Nah it’s fine. Wouldn’t want you to be late for work. I better get going as well.” She got up and wrapped her jacket around her hips.

“Hope to see you again soon” he said and sprinted off. 

Me too, she thought. Maybe just now she found another reason to come back here more often. 

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Taking in the sights of Golden City

The Golden City sure is bright! Everything about it is so fascinating - the architecture, the roads, the trees - the place doesn't seem real. From traveling via whale taxi to the floating buildings and crystalline gazebos, it's no wonder Golden City is on top of many people's must see places before they die - mine included.

Seeing that Golden City seems to be in a world of its own, I never expected to run across a familiar face there - especially one who's currently in the process of renovating an old building to turn into her very own company. I've heard rumors but to see it actually happen - it seems so unreal.

Who would've thought that Ginko Okabe, director of a big marketing company, would start her own thing? And her business partner happens to be Benji Yoshino, a big hotshot tech genius. They crossed paths when Benji met up with the higher ups at Ginko's old workplace and at the time he happened to be acquainted with Manaka. Throw in Shiran then you've got three unlikely people who somehow ended up being friends with such a high profile figure.

Ginko's been super busy with the move from the metropolitan, strictly business city of Hailstorm Bay to the glowing, almost otherworldly place of Golden City. Now that her apartment's all set, the next step is getting the office building ready. So she and her friends have been busy with that for the past week.

With things moving smoothly, Ginko figured that they could all use a break. After all, it's not easy taking an hour long train to Golden City after a 9 to 5 shift to help clean up an old building as well as move furniture. She didn't expect her former coworkers to step up like that but they wouldn't let her hire a bunch of strangers to put her office together. With her giving them an opportunity to leave their monotonous, unfulfilling, (and sometimes toxic) work environment to be a part of her team, doing the heavy lifting was their way of thanking her.

Before heading out to meet up with Benji and Shiran, Ginko gave us a tour of the office. It's one thing to see snippets of the renovation on social media, it's another to see how much progress has been made in a week. What was once an old, run down building will soon be bustling with activity.

After seeing the office, we headed to the cafe and caught up with Benji and Shiran. They've been dating for a while but it wasn't until recently they were open about it. We all kinda suspected it so it wasn't a surprise when they made it official. First Manaka, now Shiran, what is it about diligent working class accountants that would draw in a wealthy, head in the clouds, tech genius like Benji?

How the former accountant and the eccentric millionaire came to be together is one of those stories where it all came down to chance. Benji first met Manaka through skydiving classes. Then they ran into each other again by chance on the streets around the same time he was installing a new security system for the company. Eventually word got out about their relationship, forcing Manaka to lay low for a while - which is partly why he and Shiran kept things under wraps for a long time. While they got along well, they didn't always meet eye to eye, especially about their futures. Manaka wanted stability while Benji jumped from one thing to another - it wasn't meant to be.

Running into Shiran was also a chance encounter. Shiran was interested in Manaka but the feeling wasn't mutual. The two met in college and ended up working in the same place, but aside from the office, they rarely saw each other outside of that. It took a while but Shiran was able to accept that while he and Manaka grew to become good friends, a romance wasn't in the cards for them.

Shiran and Benji literally bumped into each other on the streets and from there an unlikely friendship came about. Shiran was in awe of Benji at first because of his achievements, then slightly jealous when he found out he was dating Manaka, and then cool with him after the mutual breakup. Ginko was surprised to find them causally hanging out together. Soon the duo became a trio.

Things haven't been the same since Manaka's death. A series of workplace safety violations resulted in an explosion that injured many, even killing a few. Manaka, Shiran, and three other people were trapped in the basement, which was on the verge of collapsing, complicating the rescue. All five were rescued and taken to the hospital, where Manaka later died of her injuries. It happened suddenly, totally unexpected as she was fully conscious, alert, and walking when they found her.

Shiran fell into a deep depression for a while, leading to other problems. Ginko struggled a lot too but did her best to not let that affect her work. She later admitted that trying to do damage control over what happened was the hardest thing she ever did, one that made her completely disillusioned with the company. Benji, Ami and Karrie were grieving as well but kept a brave face in public.

Benji was the one who helped Shiran get back on his feet. He said that his biggest regret was not reaching out to Manaka after the breakup. While they were cool with each other and wanted to stay friends, they didn't do a good job of keeping in contact. Benji was out of town when the explosion happened and flew in as soon as he heard, planning to visit Manaka and Shiran at the hospital the next morning.

Just when all of that was behind them, an investigation of Manaka's death reopened the pain and grief for all of them. Apparently the doctor who treated her is on trial as several of his patients have died due to negligence in the past few years. In other words, the deaths of Manaka and many others could've been easily prevented if they had proper medical care. It's already bad enough that she died in a freak accident that shouldn't have happened, and now we find out that her death could've been avoided all together.

Just thinking about all that - damn. Manaka was sweet and spunky, a bit on the obedient and passive side, but always one to go out and try new things. I never understood why she always got the short end of the stick at work - and she certainly never deserved to have her life cut so short like this. Whenever I think about her, I can't help but wonder why the universe can be so unfair at times.

So with the thing going on with the doctor, people are being questioned and such, like Manaka's parents and Shiran for example. Thankfully Shiran doesn't have to testify or anything but the whole thing brought back painful memories for everyone. Shiran admitted that he's still a bit shaken up but he'll be fine. Benji's been like a rock for him, which is good.

Ginko said that since [redacted], Benji has come down to earth, or so others like to say. He's still got his head in the clouds, though no longer floating aimlessly in the sky - Manaka gave him some much needed perspective. He may be an eccentric billionaire with too much free time on his hands who is constantly daydreaming, but when he wants to make an effort, to make a change, to help a friend, he gives it his all.

It's clear how much he still loves Manaka, how she helped him shape up after spending most of his time doing whatever without much of a care. It's also clear how much he loves Shiran - the dedication it took to get him out of a bad place, he didn't have to put himself out there but he chose to. And from what I heard, it was a rough time all around - blackouts, alcohol, sleepless nights, listlessness, apathy - a continuous downward spiral for Shiran.

Since everyone was so busy with the move, Ginko and the guys didn't really have the chance to really explore Golden City. So I figured that now's a good time since we're all here and can experience the wonders of the city together.

First of all, riding the whale taxis is like floating on a cloud. We can choose to have our taxi act as a tour guide - which we did - and that made things a lot more fun! With public transportation as reliable and entertaining as this, who needs to spend extra money on cars? Our whale taxi was so sweet and informative - I can easily spend a day listening to them ramble on about Golden City - not that we haven't already! Because we enjoyed the tour so much, Benji had us booked with them for tomorrow so we have that to look forward to.

The floating gazebos are a must see in Golden City according to many reviews. Made from the finest environmentally safe materials, these gazebos were all built by hand, created to be enjoyed by all, whether it's to appreciate the architecture, hang out with friends, have some time to yourself or to gaze into the horizon. I think my favorite is the Prosperity Cliff gazebo, which overlooks the ocean, giving you a clear view of the mountains and islands. Prosperity Cliff isn't as busy this time of year because it's kinda chilly so it's nice to have the place to ourselves.

Maybe someday when we make another trip during the fall or spring we can take a trip up to the mountains. We probably won't be able to go far since it's kinda rough up there but I've heard there's some good spots for a picnic, a short hike, and maybe a swim depending on the time of day.

Of course, in between sightseeing and shopping we stopped by to enjoy the local cuisine. There's a lot of Japanese fusion places - including a Japanese-Cambodian one, which is one of Ginko's go-to restaurants for takeout because the sushi is top notch along with the soups - so that was an adventure as well!

Our plan was to get back to the hotel by eleven but of course we got distracted and spent an hour at the park watching the fireworks show. Shiran ended up missing the last train, though it's not a big deal as he usually crashes at Benji's place. By the time Daisy Jane and I got back to the hotel it was past one, which isn't too late by our standards. Good thing we won't be meeting up with the others until eleven tomorrow as that's morning for all of us.

Totally looking forward to more sights and wonders to enjoy tomorrow!

[missbrightsky]

Bitch Is A Five Letter Word

Fics Masterlist

Previous Chapter

Chapter 5: Out and About

Mor:  I’m fucking done with this day. Rita’s tonight?

Feyre’s phone buzzed, pulling her out of her painting. She was putting the final touches on what she hoped was the last round of edits by the bakery patroness.

Feyre:  Yes please. I’ll just need to go home and change. Want to meet there at 7 pm?

Mor:  You’ve got it babe, I’ll make sure the rest of the children are in tow.

Feyre:  Lmao see you then :)

She switched to Karen’s chat and sent a text saying that the painting was done, and she will be in her studio tomorrow afternoon to view it. Sending a prayer to the Cauldron that this would be the end to her clients’ critiques, Feyre hopped off the stool and threw her paint-spattered apron over it.

A final glance around her loft studio had her satisfied with today’s progress, even though she was cutting it short to make it to Rita’s on time. Plus, the sun was starting to set, and she promised Rhys that she would make an effort to be home before it was dark.

A quick twist of the lock and few steps later had her down the stairs and in Elain’s flower shop. The air was heavy with the scent of full blooms, bursts of colors that Feyre cataloged and stored away for later use. She stopped in almost every day to see her sister but the effect of the beauty of them never ceased to dull in her artist brain.

“Hey El, we’re going to Rita’s tonight, wanna come with?” calling out to her sister somewhere hidden along the rows of bouquets.

“Not tonight, sorry Fey,” Elain responded, her voice drifting from the front display. “I have two orders to finish up and a new Netflix series calling my name.

Feyre smirked, knowing that her sister would never pass up a chance to see a certain someone. “You sure? Mor promised especially that Az would be making an appearance tonight,” Feyre lilted, the white lie hurting no one.

A small squeak drifted up to hang among the flowers’ aromas. Feyre wove her way to where Elain’s initial response came from. Even though her sister was facing away from her, she could see the burning red ears that peaked through her gold hair.

Ever since Elain tagged along to a brunch to meet Feyre’s then new-boyfriend and friends, she declined almost every invitation to hang out with them again. At first, she thought it was because they could be a bit much for quiet, demure Elain but after a little bit of prying, the real truth was that Elain couldn’t think straight around Az.

“Maybe,” came her response, “I’ll text you if I get done in time here.”

As good as a promise as any, Feyre walked out of the front of the shop and turned right, striding up one of Velaris’s main street. She passed clothing boutiques, bakeries, cafes, galleries, bookshops, each with their own charm that made up the Rainbow. Any citizen of Velaris could walk into the district and leave with exactly what they needed, whether or not it was on their shopping list.

It was Feyre’s favorite place on earth, her home away from home where nothing mattered but the beauty that was in front of her.

The other part of her agreement with Rhys was that she would stick to major streets that were still busy with the days’ shoppers. No short cuts down dark alleys. It wasn’t her biggest problem—number one being that a rising gang wanted her blood— but it did add time to her walk home. Only the charm of the Rainbow soothed her frustration.

The sun had just brushed the horizon, turning the sky soft pinks and oranges, when Feyre reached her townhome. She paused on her doorstep, admiring how the clouds looked like a god had brushed strokes of sun across a periwinkle canvas before stepping into her home.

Feyre repeated the motions from the night before, kicking off her shoes and dropping her bag from the night before at the base of the stairs. She moved to the kitchen for a quick cup of black tea, knowing Mor would persuade the group of them to stay out too late for their own good.

Her phone buzzed with a reply from Karen saying that she’ll stop by the studio at lunchtime to view the piece. With no one to hear her frustration, Feyre let out a soft groan and sent a silent prayer to the gods that she would finally be happy with the work.

Sighing, she set the empty mug into the sink and climbed the steep stairs to her and Rhys’s bedroom. Feyre flicked through her side of the closet, wondering how much work she wanted to put into her outfit tonight. She didn’t have a lot of spare energy, but it had been a while since she dressed up and wanted to keep Rhys’s eyes on her all night.

She decided on a red blouse that sat just off her shoulders, exposing the gentle curve of her collarbone and dusting of freckles that continued down her back. Dark blue skinny jeans and black wedges completed the look, mixing comfort with sophistication. She knew that if the heels were any higher, she would be limping on her walk to the studio tomorrow.

Their bathroom was a bit small but well organized, a double vanity was evenly split between the two, Rhys surprisingly having nearly as many beauty products as Feyre. With the way he looked most of the time, she didn’t think he needed them, and she knew he felt the same way about her makeup supply.

She took her hair down from the crown braid she put it in last night causing soft waves to fall, bringing out the gold highlights that threaded their way through. Thankfully her skin has been behaving itself recently so she minimally applied concealer under her eyes, followed by a bit of powder to set it in place.

She brushed gold eyeshadow in the corners of her crease, bringing out the blue in her eyes with a thin line of eyeliner to give them definition. Black mascara pulled the whole effect together, causing attention to be drawn to how they sparkled with hidden mischief.

Instead of a permanent lipstick, Feyre opted for a light pink lip gloss that could easily be reapplied. Multiple drinks and most likely food would be involved tonight so she didn’t want to fight to keep her lipstick in place.

Final checks in the mirror had her satisfied with her appearance, all that was needed was some small gold earrings that were shaped like leaves, her favorite that Rhys gave her at their six-month anniversary. Feyre moved through the house, flicking off lights and grabbing a black purse to drop her keys and wallet in. The last thing she grabbed was a well-worn black leather jacket hanging by the door, right next to Rhys’s.

Although it was almost fully dark outside, the street their townhouse was on was well lit and the subway station was only a block down. She decided that it would be fine to take a train to Rita’s, it was only a 10-minute ride and the station would be busy with evening commuters. Plenty of cover for her to be safe from any would-be attackers.

Rita’s was their favorite dance hall, close to most of their homes and the precinct, it was a common hangout after a day’s work.

Feyre walked in and headed to their usual booth, she was the first one there, but the others would be along shortly. The club was subdued, the main crowds not showing up until 11 pm or later. For now, she could order nachos from the kitchen and a margarita from the bar to get her started.

Those from the precinct showed up a few minutes later, some still in their white button-down and black slacks, Mor and Rhys choose to change to looser clothes that better fitted the club scene.

All slid into the booth, snagging the nachos away before Feyre could protest, Rhys on her left and Az on her right. The waitress approached, recognizing the friends as regulars, and took their drink orders. Feyre leaned into Rhys’s warmth, enjoying his presence and started chatting with Cass about his day at the department. Rhys happily leaned his cheek on the top of her head, breathing in the subtle perfume she sprayed on before leaving the house.

All chatted and exchanged conversation partners, catching up on their days, even when they all mostly worked with each other. There was something different hearing about someone’s day than just merely observing it.

Mor carefully avoided her visit to the hospital and none of the others pressed her for details. She and Azriel had made their official report and arranged for the brothers to be placed in their respective places when the doctors released them from care.

Their drinks arrived, then were soon replaced by more rounds, all of them on the way to being pleasantly tipsy. More bar food was ordered and being passed around while the club slowly filled up, more people starting their weekend early.

Feyre’s phone buzzed on the table.

Elain:  How long will you be at Rita’s? I just got home. 

Feyre:  We’re just getting started, come join us!

Elain:  *sigh* I’m on my way.

Feyre:  !!!!! <3<3<3

“Elain’s coming!” Feyre announced to the table. Az had exchanged places with Cassian at some point, now sitting to Rhys’s left, but Feyre could still see around her boyfriend. He was already faintly flushed from the alcohol, but the news of Elain joining them caused the blush to deepen marginally.

Rhys and Feyre exchanged smug looks, they had been trying to get the two to talk more since they first met with little success. Maybe tonight they could mettle a bit more to push the two together.

Mor chugged the rest of her drink and reached across Cass to grab onto Feyre,  time to dance it seems . Cass scooted out of the booth to comply with Mor’s requests. Feyre stumbled slightly, her friends’ hidden strength and the heels working against gravity.

They somehow made it onto the dance floor with no broken ankles, Mor pressing her hips flush to Feyre’s so that they were chest-to-chest, setting the pace to the beat of the song.

Mor giggled, pressing her forehead to Feyre’s exposed shoulder, looping her arms around her friends’ waist. She returned the laughter, the weight of the past 24 hours falling off her shoulders with the help of her company and the liquor that was warming her belly.

The men watched from the booth, smiling at the pair making their own fun, continuing with their conversations, arguing over upcoming sports events and where to watch them this weekend.

Behind them, Elain entered the club, spotting Az’s closely cropped hair and broad shoulders immediately. Her cheeks were pink from the chill outside, worsened at the anticipation of seeing him. Almost of their own will, her feet turned towards the bar, hinting at her need for liquid courage before facing the man.

Early enough still to not be packed, she easily found a seat and ordered a Jack and coke, stronger than her usual but the situation called for something bracing. And something that would hit her system faster.

Elain mindlessly scrolled through her social media feeds, neglected after a busy day in her shop. She had tried to linger at  Fleurs par Elain,  putting finishing touches on orders and preparing the back room for tomorrow’s delivery, but her assistants were too efficient, and she was quickly done. Even dragging her feet home, she had too much time before bed, leaving Feyre’s offer to join them at Rita’s very tempting.

A quick text confirmed that they would be there for hours to come and soon she was discarding outfit after outfit. Some too fancy and some too casual. Elain eventually settled on light blue jeans and a loose floral long sleeve. A bit on the nose for her profession but it was comfy and brought out the gold in her eyes. Not one for heels, she decided to wear her brown flats in case Mor got it in her head to pull her onto the dance floor. No need for her to trip and make a fool of herself in front of the guy she thought was too attractive for her own good.

The liquor started to relax her body; liquid confidence had her close to joining the others. Tucking her phone into her back pocket, Elain made to grab her drink when a well-muscled, darkly clad arm blocked her from leaving her seat.

“Hello, gorgeous. What brings you here tonight?” She followed the arm up to the face of its owner. He was maybe about her age, tanned with dirty blond hair and blue eyes. Not ugly by any means but her thoughts were currently preoccupied with a certain dark-haired detective.

“My friends, actually. I was just about the rejoin them, so if you’ll excuse me,” she replied. When their mother was raising them, she drilled countless hours of etiquette and politeness into their minds. Even with the unwelcome interaction, Elain refused to be rude or force her way out.  

“I’m sure they can wait,” he drawled, a lazy smile followed the words. His eyes roamed her body, leaving her feeling like she needed to shower twice to get rid of the filth he left behind.

“What’s your name, beautiful?”

“Elain,” the alcohol and her manners allowing her name to slip out.

“ E-lain , a pretty name for a pretty girl,” his eyes tracing her figure again. “Well I’m a bit pressed for time tonight, the boss wants me working late, but how about I grab your number and I’ll see you this weekend.”

Elain opened her mouth, racking her mind for some excuse to get herself out of his request or scrounging through her memories for one of those fake numbers she can give to him.

“I’ve got our first date all planned out already,” he barreled on, oblivious to her uneasiness. “There’s this super exclusive fight happening uptown, invitation only. High-class members all in masks, quite romantic I think,” he leaned in, forcing her to capture his eyes.

“It’s run by my boss actually, he’s become quite the hot commodity lately,” the man continued, he was trying to impress her, with little success.

He pulled his phone out, the moment for her to put in a number had arrived. As if the universe sensed her discomfort, his phone started to ring.

Mr. Hybern  flashed on the screen, the man flinched a bit and immediately answered.

“Mr. Hybern, I’m on my way, sir.” The club was too loud at this point for her to hear the voice on the other side, but by the man’s facial expressions, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation.

Without another glance to her, rushed towards the door, what she assumed was his boss had lit a fire under his ass.

Elain finished her drink, flagging the bartender down and ordered lemonade with vodka. She was happy that she didn’t have to give him her number, lucky that he got a call at the perfect moment.

She’d had plenty of guys hit on her over the years, her smaller stature and polite manners making her an easy target for men to shoot their shot. Usually a nice enough turn down was enough to send them on their way but some were persistent. He was one of the persistent ones, but the Caldron seemed to be on her side tonight. Maybe the luck would last as she made her way over to her friends.

Feyre and Mor were on the dance floor, leaving a spot open by either Cass or Az. Her nerves told her to sit by Cass, safe, comfortable, familiar.

The alcohol made her bold, spurred on by her unwelcome admirer, she wanted to be close to someone she was actually attracted to and whose attentions would be welcome. She slid into the booth beside Az, slipping into his radius of warmth. Fire blazed in her cheeks and tried to convince herself that is was only from the heat of the club and liquor.

“Hey guys,” she offered, nodding to Rhys and Cass before looking up to give Az a small smile. He looked slightly surprised at her direct acknowledgment. Every time they had met beforehand, she only barely recognized his existence, giving up no more words than societal convention called for.

Cass and Rhys gave their greetings, resuming their conversation from before.

“It’s good to see you, been a while,” Az said in a lower tone so that only she could hear him.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with the flower shop. Business is really picking up.”

“I’m glad, your arrangements are always so… exquisite. I see them in Feyre’s house all the time.”

Elain somehow blushed harder at his praise. She knew she was talented but hearing it from him strengthened her confidence in her work.

“How are you this evening?” gently avoiding commenting on her reaction.

“Fine, better now that I’m here with you—,” Elain caught herself, not meaning to imply that she was happy to see only him, though what her heart might scream otherwise. “I mean, um, it’s better than when I was at the bar, some guy was hitting on me and wasn’t taking the hint.”

Az frowned slightly at that, she tried not to read into it too much.

She babbled on, “Yeah, he was going on and on about his boss, trying to get my number so he can take me to a fight this weekend. I got lucky that his boss called him at that moment, and he ran off. I guess I have a Mr. Hybern to thank for that.”

Everyone at the table froze, their breaths trapped in their throats. The temperature seemed to rise several degrees as all of her friends’ stares locked onto her face.

“What?” her gaze flitted around, trying to not let it rest too long on the man beside her.

The trio only continued to stare at her, tension building until Mor and Feyre stumbled back to the table, a light sheen of sweat coating them.

The girls were laughing at some dumb joke Mor made but stopped when they noticed the men were all looking at Elain with weird intensity.

“What? What happened?” Feyre asked, worried that something was wrong with Elain. She didn’t mean to pressure her too hard into coming out tonight and hoped that she didn’t fuck things up between her and Az.

Rhys was the first to regain his composure.

“Elain here just gave us the most wonderful news.”

Next Chapter

[davidmann95]

This week’s comics?

TOO

MANY

COMICS THIS WEEK

*Deep breath*

Batman/Superman #1: The surprise of the week for me! I was getting this almost grudgingly in the hope Williamson would transcend what I’ve seen as his limitations as a C+ writer inexplicably granted a position far beyond what his work’s merited, given how much I love the characters and because Marquez is AAA+. As it turns out, he did! Nothing spectacular, but this was a really solidly entertaining little start to an adventure, with a vibe as though Loeb’s own Superman/Batman was rocketed into the future and made to interact with Snyder’s current DCU superstructure. As that descriptor might imply your mileage may vary, but I quite dug it.

Justice League #30: Great stuff, the kick-off to I assume the final arc before an event book to close this epic out, but when do the Justice Legion show up that is all I care about in the entire world

Superman #14: I enjoyed it, but I’m definitely more than ready to see what’s next.

Action Comics #1014: An unprecedented Bendis super-two-for-one week! While Superman’s largely been my favorite of the two, today this came out on top.

Justice League Dark #14: This continues to just manage to hold my attention with some delightful flourishes, even though this sort of thing isn’t usually my cup of tea.

Martian Manhunter #8: Something of a return to form - I’d been getting somewhat disappointed with this book (though I’m sure it’ll read better in trade), but this grabbed me again.

Dial H For Hero #6: Good goddamn, just about any other week and this would have taken home the gold. Easily one of DC’s best, and leaving me considering going back through Humphries’ whole career given the possibility that while I’ve discounted him in the past I, in an extremely rare but I suppose not entirely unprecedented case, may have been wrong.

Ice Cream Man #14: I suppose you could call this something of a return to basics here, which is the opposite of a problem because the basics here are horrifying and spectacular.

Marvel Team-Up #5: Losing me quick, though I guess there’s only one issue left.

Captain America #13: This one’s tough to unpack. In terms of keeping my attention and keeping things moving this felt better than the last several issues, and I get what it’s going for, but its characterization of Cap...like I said, I get what it’s going for in reinforcing him as the stiff and trying to break him out of that. I’m the guy who considers MCU Cap one of the only times ever where I distinctly prefer the adaptation to the original, specifically because he feels so much looser and warmer. But there’s stiff in the way he’s traditionally been, and the way this issue portrays him, and I’m not sure I can bridge that gap with how he’s been portrayed over the years. In isolation though, still liked this one.

Absolute Carnage #2: Keeps up the pace! I remain shocked by how much I’m liking this one.

Venom #17: An extension of the above, and again, I like it.

Absolute Carnage: Miles Morales #1: Surprisingly disposable, tbh.

Spider-Man: Life Story #6: ...is one I’ll discuss when going into the series as a whole sometime soon. But yes, it really is that good, and the best of the week in a walk.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #11: A perfectly enjoyable one-off - good to know that while Amazing’s passing me by, Pete’s in good hands even as Zdarsky moves on.

Avengers #23: Man, this book has gotten so much better since that wet thud of a first arc. Not up to snuff against its cousin in Snyder and company’s Justice League, but cut from a similar cloth and if you’re enjoying that absolutely give this run a whirl.

House of X #3: We’re definitely in the part where I think it’s gonna lose a lot of the new converts as the Earth-shaking reveals die down for now while remaining a resolutely Full Hickman take on the X-Men, and I for one am content to wave them goodbye as I ride this glorious train into the sunset.

Thor #16: A delightful ‘end’ - the true upcoming finale in King Thor notwithstanding - to one of the great runs of this decade. All-Father willing whoever follows up on this one plays with the toys Aaron and Del Mundo leave behind here.

Marvel Comics #1000: The big’un. And better, for that matter, than Action or Detective #1000. Not perfect by any means; there’s still a small handful of stinkers here (though the relative hit-to-miss ratio for this sort of project is unbelievably good here, hence the previous comparison), plus the much-publicized issues regarding the altered Captain America essay and the horribly skewed gender representation, PLUS that...THAT character of all characters gets a (second!) page for 2013 rather than Ms. Marvel. But for what this is, that it comes together as coherently as enjoyably as it does is honestly little short of a miracle. The advertised Ewing spine of the thing is of course great, and such a Ewing as HELL take on the concept on every level; that plenty of these don’t even nominally tie into it doesn’t bother me, since that throughline is exploring the background of a world the rest of this puts on display.

To set the record straight (going by years rather than characters/creative teams, since I feel like remaining spoiler-adverse here and it saves space): for me the actively bad ones are 1966,* 1995,** 1996, and 1999, and the notably good ones not by Ewing are 1943, 1944,*** 1949, 1952, 1959, 1961, 1962, 1965, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1973, 1977, 1979, 1982, 1984, 1992, 1993, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2007, 2008, 2011, 2012, 2014,**** 2015, 2016, and 2018.

So that’s about 5% bad, and counting Ewing’s contributions (aside from his oddly lackluster single page that isn’t part of his larger story), over half I’d call especially good! And pretty much all the rest of it ranges from decent to quite good, so again, by the standard of these sorts of anniversary anthologies this is basically a minor miracle. Very much looking forward to Ewing continuing his story next month and presumably the incoming 2020 event (a Ewing event comic! So rad!), and also hoping #1001 will correct the grievous Fantastic Four deficiency here.

(Minor SPOILERS for the final notes below)

* This, uh, felt like some real grouchy old man respectability politics business. Would have thought twice before, but given Priest’s recent Vampirella interview, I’m feeling a little more willing to jump straight to ‘this was bad.’

** Oh, Hickman. My boy. How could you? Even given you visibly didn’t give a shit, that was really all you had in the tank? And for the year I was born, no less! Johnny, you wound me.

*** Yeah, I know, believe me I know. But it’s still a good Cap speech - even at this late, largely lamentable stage of Waid’s career, he can crank those out in his sleep.

**** For what it is, i.e. a couple scenes from Apocrypha slapped together and redrawn with a couple DC names swapped out for Marvel names. Shamelessly, admirably lazy on Gaiman’s part.

[zodiacal-dust-and-curls]

Death by Natural Causes

Word Count: 2117

Warnings: None that I can think of. Very fluffy! (Please let me know if I need to add any)

A/N: Happy belated Valentine’s Day! 🖤 I finally finished writing something. Gwil’s look is inspired by the above picture (yes, i know that’s technically Charlie Nelson). Also, a big thank you to my beta (and platonic soulmate) @mollymarymarie for proofreading and fixing my mistakes. ILY, bae. I hope you enjoy it! It is based on things I’ve actually done in real life. Enjoy!

You were awake suddenly. Why? You weren’t entirely sure why. The room was still dark from behind your eyelids; the bed was still warm. The thought of ‘well, why not?’ seemed to echo through your otherwise quiet mind.  

A quick peek at the clock didn’t offer much comfort or clarity to your situation. Its only offer was the numbers 5:57 glowing in the soft green light that greeted you every morning. No alarms had been set, that was the deal made on your shared days off, as rare as they were.

Slowly turning over, you found that the bed behind you was still occupied. Gwilym must not have gotten up for his run yet, under the pretense of trying to let you both sleep in today. It was quite shocking to be awake before him, with or without alarms, so you took the moment to just observe him.

               He slept on his stomach, turned away from you. You couldn’t see his face, but the slow, even breaths he took were enough to know he was untroubled. After a few moments, you made your move to wake him and smiled at the memory it conjured.

– “Love, I’m the big spoon. I’m taller” Gwilym nearly whined from his spot behind you on the couch.  

“Well, that’s great and all, but what if,” you turned over to face him, “just this once – I could be the big spoon?” you had said it with such a cute pout on your face that Gwilym couldn’t help but acquiesce.

“Alright, just this once, you can be the big spoon.” The look on his face was priceless, almost like he couldn’t believe he gave in so easily. But, the sound he made after you switched spots and started playing with his hair made it sound like he didn’t mind so much. -  

“Get up, Lazy Bones. If I have to be awake, so do you” you mumbled into his hair as you pressed a kiss to the crown of his head and threw an arm around his waist.

“Why?” It was more of a rasp than a spoken word. The sweet, sleepy sound that followed made you hesitate before responding.

“Why not?” You wanted it to sound like a challenge, but the sleep in your voice drug it down a little too far.

“Well, if that’s how you’re gonna be about it” he chuckled as he turned over to face you and sat up on his pillows.

Gwilym in the morning was always like a work of art. A little different every day, but always with the same base feeling. Today, his bedraggled hair caught the early morning light and all the little bits of gold made it look like he was wearing a halo, possibly even a crown. His eyes, though half-lidded and still heavy from sleep, held the depths of the ocean and mysteries of the forest in the small amount of the iris you could see. His mouth, always your favorite bit, was still turned up in the first smile of the day.

“Good morning, dearest,” you breathed out, moving your hand up to his bare chest.

“Good morning to you, too,” he yawned and stretched. “Now that we’re awake, what do you want to do today?”

“I was hoping we could go to the museum? Definitely after breakfast, but hopefully before lunch.” It came out a little quietly as you looked at him through your lashes. You’d wanted to go to the museum for a while now, but never had enough time off from work or anyone to go with. Today just so happened to be a day off for you and Gwil, giving you both time and company for the outing.

His eyebrows raised into his hairline and his smile widened as he took in your request. It was so simple and so sweet. How could he say no?

“That sounds like a wonderful idea, love. Usual morning routine and I’ll meet you in the kitchen for breakfast, yeah?” He pulled you in for a quick cuddle, resting his chin on the top of your head for just a moment.

“Yeah” you agreed as you pressed a quick kiss to his jaw.

  A quick jog and shower later, you were in the kitchen waiting for your coffee to finish brewing. You knew Gwilym would laugh a little when he saw you in today’s outfit. He loved your sense of style, but it always tickled him how you would dress for whatever aesthetic you had in mind for a particular day. Today would not be an exception.

When he emerged from the bathroom, you couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. Even with just a glance in your peripheral, you could see that he seemed to be on board with today’s chosen aesthetic. What a sight the two of you would be. Perfect for carefully, or not so carefully, planned Snapchats and Instagram posts.

“I swear, I can read your mind at this point.” Gwilym announced from behind you.

“Either that or I’ve finally trained you to dress properly out in public. Tea?” you offered up his favorite cup without turning, choosing to use your gaze to will your coffee to brew faster.

“Thanks,” he mumbled into your hair while he took the cup out of your hand and placed his other hand on your hip, “what time do we leave?”

“I bought tickets for the 10 o’clock tour, but I want to see other parts of the museum. So, 30 minutes? That way we have time to fight traffic and find parking.”

Instead of hearing his agreement, you felt his nod near your shoulder. Affectionate was one of your favorite moods on Gwilym. He loved to stand behind you and just hold you to him. Honestly, there was no point in fighting him, you loved it, too. The world would be still for the two of you in those moments and all you had to focus on was each other.

Traffic wasn’t as bad as you expected, so you found yourselves at the museum with just over an hour to explore before your tour started.

“So, what’s on the agenda?” With tickets in hand and a free day ahead, it seemed that Gwilym couldn’t wait to explore with you. As it was, he didn’t want you to get too far away. He’d managed to keep a hand on you during the entire car ride in.

“Well, the tour is for me,” you admitted, “so we can go into any of the permanent exhibits you want before it starts.” You turned to smile at him. He returned it easily and eagerly.

“In that case,” he paused, looking around for something to catch his eye, “how about the hall of paleontology?” He offered with a quirked eyebrow. Goodness, could he use those eyebrows to his advantage. Not that he really needed to, you were all too happy to agree.

After making your way through the trilobites, you were waiting at the corner for him to finish taking pictures of his favorite prehistoric plant impressions. It was cute the way he insisted it was art. What was not so cute was him threatening to put it on the wall in your shared flat. It was breath taking, but maybe not something you could see in your living room.

“I just think this would look lovely over our sofa. I really think it fits the room.”

“Dearest, I don’t think I could look at these very pretty, but very dead plants every day. I don’t think it will keep the same effect if we look at it constantly. I think it should stay special.” And out of my living room. Really Gwil, how on earth could that brown go with all our blues and greys? But you didn’t voice that opinion.

“I think it would still feel special. I’d wager that in 6 months, I’ll still love it AND it will have grown on you.”

“I’ll give you a wager,” you retorted, “but instead of our flat’s future, how about lunch?”

“Lunch?” His eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair.

“Yes, lunch. It’ll be just about time when we finish the tour.” It could also save my flat from that monstrous rock, or one just like it.

He stepped closer to you and wrapped an arm around your waist, effectively pulling you into his chest. “So, what’s the task?”

“We take selfies with the fossils and post the best one with different captions. The one with the most combined likes and comments on Insta by the time we leave gets to pick where we eat. Loser buys.”

Gwilym thought it over for a minute, moving his eyebrows and hand in sync as he stroked his stubbled chin. After a moment, he looked down and spoke.

“You’re on, love, and when I win, I want Thai.”

“We’ll just see about that, won’t we, mister? Because when I win, I’m going to want Greek.” You looked up and pressed a kiss to his nose before pulling out of the embrace.

Forty-five minutes later, you had harassed every skeleton in the hall, as well as a few life-size sculptures, and were deciding on which picture was the best. Once you had picked a goofy selfie of the two of you, you sent it to Gwilym and waited for him to open his Instagram.

“Okay, let me know when you’re finished with your caption and tags. I want us to post at the same time.”

“Ooh, scared I’ll get more likes in 2 minutes than you will?” He nudged your elbow.

“No. It’s more like I know you can be a dirty cheater when you want something.”

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes and gave an affected sigh, “finish up or we’re going to be late to your tour.”

“Done! We post in 3, 2, 1!”

Post: @/mrgwilymlee: Spending the day with my love, @/yourinsta. Who would’ve thought that even while surrounded by several millennia of history, she’d still be the most breathtaking creature in the room? #me #lookatthislittlenerd

Post: @/yourinsta: Isn’t he just dino-mite? Nothing will tricera-top this day. @/mrgwilymlee #badpuns #sorryimsuchanerd

“No peeking,” you warned as the pair of you hurried to the temporary exhibit hall. “I know we will probably Snap part of the tour, but no checking Insta until we walk out the front door.”

Gwilym raised his hands in surrender, “whatever you say, love. I promise to be on my best behavior.”

“Really, love, Death by Natural Causes?” Gwilym questioned as you approached the gates of the exhibit, which had been designed to look like the entrance to a gothic cemetery.

“What? It seemed interesting! And it was popular enough to get an extension here. So clearly, I’m not the only one fascinated by it.” You furrowed your brows as you spoke.

“I don’t doubt it will be fascinating,” he defended himself, “I just can’t believe you gave me all that grief over thinking the fossil would look good in our flat and then drag me to see more things about death.”

“Hey!” You pushed his shoulder just hard enough to make him lean to the side for one step. “I did not give you grief, I saved our living room from housing a brown rock.”

Gwilym seemed to consider your objection as you handed over the tickets for the exhibit.

Two hours later, you had read every bit of information offered and played ever educational game in the hall, including the ‘place your hand to reveal the answer’ spots that showed what a disease did to a body externally. Gwilym actually found those to be quite entertaining, mainly due to the way you approached them.

For the first, you had slowly put your hand in the box to light up the plaque with the answer, but you were not ready for what happened next. A loud noise, accompanied by a vibration, shook the display and made both you and Gwilym jump. Luckily for you, Gwilym’s reaction was to pull you away from the offending object, while you just let out a loud shriek in the quiet exhibit. That coupled with all the laughter that came after, was enough for the security guard to come check on the two of you.

Finally, you emerged in to the bright sunlight of the day, having survived Death by Natural Causes when Gwilym spoke up. “Well then, love, I think it’s time to check on our little wager. Don’t you?”

Your stomach growled in response for you. “I definitely think it’s time.”

You had Greek for lunch that day.

A few days later a grey fossil found its way to your flat.

[allykat4416]

Something About Peaches

Date: July 26th, 2019

Park: Six Flags Over Georgia//Austell, GA

Well, this was the most impulsive shit I’ve done in my life.

I’ve been lucky enough this summer to have landed an internship. I definitely don’t want this account getting tied up with my professional life, so I won’t say exactly where this gig has been, but trust me that it’s been all kinds of sweet. My final day was this past Friday, and I genuinely was sad to go. I learned a great deal during my time there, and my coworkers were phenomenal ladies that have inspired me to do awesome things, cliché as it sounds.

On July 25th, I was able to score a three-day weekend due to my boss leaving for her own out of town journey. That happened to coincide with plans @imhollering had made around a month ago to visit Indiana. Life happened and she unfortunately wasn’t able to make that drive out this time, so she moseyed down my way instead to spend the weekend. She got in around Wednesday night (The 24th—I’m aware I need to do these in a timelier fashion, but life’s been going nonstop this summer.)

After I’d gotten off work Thursday (the 25th), Casie and I jetted down to Carowinds to catch the last hour and a half of the park’s operations after some delicious Chinese food at a local, family-owned joint. I rode Carolina Cyclone with her since she needed the credit, and we were both about to get the Ricochet credit, but the line essentially stopped. With time burning, I didn’t want to wait around on a credit I honestly cared nothing about. I got 5 rides in on Fury before it closed for the night, bringing me to 68 total rides. I was so, so close to the nicest ride on Fury in my life, but here we are.

We arrived in Atlanta at about 3 in the morning. The city at night was so beautiful, and it was one of those weird moments when I remembered my odd fixations as a kid and thought that 11-year-old me would be losing my mind to see a city skyline in general, let alone at night. We crashed at an Econo Lodge across the way from the park, and the staff was incredibly nice. Strong recommendation if you’re ever down in Austell!

Is this the part I mention my family didn’t even know I had gone to Charlotte, let alone to Atlanta? Is this also the part I mention they check the FindMyiPhone app to see my whereabouts a lot? I know you’re probably thinking “Ally, aren’t you like 24? Why are they doing that?” My answer to that is: I don’t know. What I do know is that was the worst night of sleep I’d had outside of my depressive episodes. I haven’t had a panic attack in my sleep in nearly two years, but my shaking was so strong that it woke me up at one point. I did eventually tell my mom that morning before we went to the park, and things were accepted with a lot less drama than I anticipated, but I’m still really aware of how fucked-up the whole principle of it is.

But we aren’t here to dissect my past traumas and be like “lol ally no wonder you’re so fucking weird.” We’re here to talk about what’s easily my favorite Six Flags park thus far. I don’t really think any of the other ones (except possibly Fiesta Texas) can challenge it, either. Over Georgia, this one’s for you.

First things first, the park itself is gorgeous. So many of the rides play with the terrain, and the lush trees and hilly layout made me feel like I was back in my favorite park of all time, Dollywood. The park has multiple canopy walkways like the gorgeous one at Carowinds and KD. The park is also very clean. I know this isn’t something people expect from a Six Flags; I also think that perception is a bit unfair, but that’s another rant for another time. The staff is exceedingly nice, and the clientele were all mega-friendly. There were also a lot of meme songs played, and I was nearly reduced to tears yet again when I heard Smash Mouth’s god-tier single.

If I had any complaint at all, it’s that operations were a bit sluggish on a couple of rides and even then, I think that’s a bit of a reach. Plus, we’re not about to be grating IG pricks and start screaming “one train ops” like we haven’t been in civil society since Jesus walked the earth. I understand why the dispatches were kind of crummy, and it’s because people wouldn’t put their damn phones away. So really, it isn’t even the rides’ or the operators’ faults. Even with the less-than-amazing dispatches, our longest wait was around 30 minutes for the new-for-the-year flat ride. Not bad at all for a Friday in the middle of July!!!

I’ll also take this aside to say Pandemonium is an awesome flat, and it was worth the wait. I’m glad I gave it a shot.

SFOG also has a very strong lineup. While I think Great America has the edge now with Maxx by having a solid launching coaster, I like the rides more at SFOG. At GAM, I really don’t care for Joker or X-Flight. There’s really not anything I actively dislike at Over Georgia. While New England will easily have the best top two in my books with WiCy and STR, and while I still maintain Superman is the greatest ride Six Flags has ever built, SFOG has probably my favorite lineup overall.

We started off our day with two rides on Twisted Cyclone. Our first ride was in the front row on the very first train of the day. The second ride was dedicated to back row, and that’s yet again where I prefer this ride. It’s definitely short, but that’s how I’ve come to like my RMCs. TwiCy is utterly stunning to look at, and it rides like a dream. When you do come across praise for this coaster, as largely forgotten as it is, people tend to rave about the wave turn. Yes, that’s fun, but my personal favorite moment on this ride is the cobra roll. It’s so weird. I never thought they’d be able to make an element that’s so uniquely steel onto a conversion like that, but they executed it with finesse. The more actually-good RMCs I ride, the more I want to respect Alan Schilke. I really, really do. But damn, that Ohio shit cut too deep.

Twisted Cyclone is probably my fourth-favorite RMC. It’s very close with Wicked Cyclone, but I think I have preference towards Wicked because of familiarity and the fact New England’s lineup sucks ass outside of Supes and Wicked. I don’t do formal overall rankings, but I do have a list of where I’d judge my RMCs. So far, in order from most favorite to least, it goes:

1.      Lightning Rod (obviously)

2.      Twisted Timbers

3.      Wicked Cyclone

4.      Twisted Cyclone

5.      Storm Chaser

6.      Goliath (honestly, this and Stormy are interchangeable though)

7.      Steel Vengeance (obligatory “fuck this ride and all it stands for” comment here)

Please note I adore rides 1-6 on this list. 7 can go choke. So yeah, Twisted Cyclone. I always go in expecting my RMCs to be “not as good as LRod, but could never ever suck as bad as Steve” and so far, that’s not let me down. Rock on, you funky little surfer. You deserved a lot more love than you got, and more people need to appreciate you! 

Our next venture was to probably the “worst” major coaster in the park, the Dahlonega Mine Train. I say worst as a loose term, because you can’t really expect excellence from a mine train. I will say the setting on this is beautiful; the whole park is, and this is one of those rides that plays well with its terrain. It’s pretty herky-jerky, but the ride is literally older than my parents, so that’s kind of to be expected. I don’t know if I’d ever ride it again, but it fills a specific spot in the park lineup very nicely.

Joker Funhouse Coaster was next, and there isn’t much to be said about it because it’s a kiddy coaster. It is what it is, and what it was for me was a credit to pad my count and get me close to a 200th that assholes from Instagram can’t fuck up for me. I’m sure the kids like this one, and that’s what it’s supposed to do. This ride ain’t for people like me and Casie, and that’s okay. Like everything else in the park sans Dahlonega, it’s really smooth.

Daredevil Dive is weird. I think that’s a common trait among all Eurofighters. I like the lap bars, and I do think this would be a lot less enjoyable with OTSRs. It’s kind of randomly plopped down at the end of this path, and the theming was enough to make me brace for X-Flight subconsciously. It ended up being a ton of fun, and if the capacity wasn’t Like That, I wouldn’t have been opposed to a reride. The logo is laughably try-hard, but the ride itself is pretty rad.

Goliath was next. I have a lot of feelings about Goliath. Let’s move on.

I expected Georgia Scorcher to suck because my past two stand-up coasters have been complete trash. Vortex and Green Lantern are some of my least favorite coasters out there. I braced for pain on Scorcher (stand-ups really hurt my ankles for whatever reason, but I’m totally fine on inverts), but it never came. I was able to enjoy the ride for what it was, and I ended up having a good time on it. It’s still not a coaster type I really like, but I think this one is pretty darned fun. I’d honestly be a little sad if they gave it a floorless conversion. Leave Scorcher be!

Batman is a B&M Invert, so I like it on principle based on that alone. I haven’t met one of those I disliked yet. It’s your standard Batman clone, and I do prefer it to the one in New Jersey. However, Chicago’s OG Batman has utterly stolen my heart as my favorite of the three so far. This one is definitely the prettiest though. Again, because it’s a clone, I don’t really have much to say on it. It’s a clone of a ride type I’m very, very soft on. I like it. Next!

We did go back to Goliath, but like I said, I’ll get to him. We then went to the next clone of the park: Superman- Ultimate Flight. It’s a clone, blah-blah-blah, the pretzel loop has tasty positives. I still really dislike flying coasters because my body decided to randomly say “here have your tits and stop crying about it” last year. That makes me like this type markedly less. However, because this ride utilizes its terrain so beautifully, it gets a bit more love from me. I’d probably ride this again, truth be told. If the terrain play can make me look past the restraint system, that gives me hope for future flyers like Manta and Tatsu.

Great American Scream Machine is probably the ride here that catches the most hate. Now that I’ve been on it, it confirms my hypothesis that enthusiasts are all giant pussies. It isn’t butter smooth, but it’s knocking on 50’s door. It’s not supposed to ride like a GCI built last year. For what it is, it really isn’t even that rough. Try Paincat at Lake Compounce, then try to tell me this is bad. There were a bit more Racer KI vibes than I would have liked, considering the malaise that ride makes me feel. I don’t think Scream Machine is a bad ride, though. It doesn’t have that malevolent energy like Racer does, but that turnaround gave me a brief Mason-nam flashback. I definitely need to ride this more to get a better feel for it, but I know from the jump that this doesn’t need the bashing people seem to love to heap on it.

We did miss one credit: Blue Hawk. We got in the queue, and we were about 4 cycles back from getting on. Then, we got that message everybody loathes. However, it’s another excuse to come back! And with all that we did get to do considering it was a Friday in July, neither of us were complaining.

Our final ride of the day was Mind Bender. We had missed it earlier because of some mechanical problems, but I wasn’t about to leave the park without getting on this if I could help it. I had heard a lot of praise for this ride, and I admit I did have somewhat-high expectations going into it. I’m happy to say it met them! I definitely get why people like this ride so much.

The positive G’s in this thing are delicious. My only prior experience with a Schwarzkopf looper was Hershey’s SuperDuperLooper, which is fun but kind of forgettable. Not this fine lady. Utilizing my weirdness-pass, I felt so much love at this specific ride. It radiated a strong positive energy that brought a smile to my face from the moment we stepped in the delightfully-wonky queue. I think a lot of the good in Mind Bender outside of those iconic loops are how well it plays with the terrain. The ride is gorgeous, tucked away down in a little gully with a small waterfall. Nature has started to reclaim the tunnel. You can only see the top half of the second loop from the parking lot. It’s absurd. It’s beautiful. It’s easily my third favorite in the park.

“But if TwiCy was one of those weird exceptions where the RMC is your fave-” I would have said so, yes. SFOG is going to be one of those even-weirder parks where the B&M Hyper is my favorite. Unless you count Fury as a hyper, I don’t think there’s been a park like this before. I have a lot of feelings about Goliath, and all of them are good.

I said back in my Kentucky Kingdom review that I don’t care for the term “flojector,” but I had experienced it on two rides thus far: Lightning Run and Fury 325. Goliath can be added to that really weird group of friends, at least in the back row. It’s definite floater in the front, the kind of air B&M does so well and RMC can only make when they drop the ball hardcore. But the back. Oh heavens, the back. I see why everyone raves about this ride, and I’m gladly a part of that group. Goliath is the best B&M hyper I’ve done by a landslide, and it’s my second favorite B&M ever behind Fury. (I do expect it to get knocked down a slot in a couple of weeks by Ocean Daddy, though.)

My favorite part is the helix, without a doubt. I grayed out both times we rode. The hills at the end are where the backseat flojector kicks in, so that’s a really snazzy finale. That last little stretch reminded me of Lightning Run, and that made my heart soar. It’s so fun to watch in the parking lot, but it’s so much more fun to ride. While it doesn’t use its terrain quite as much as other rides in the park, Goliath still speaks for itself as an awesome experience based on the ride alone.

We had originally made the personification for this Fury’s cousin as a joke, but it’s very true to form in real life. The rides really do feel just similar enough, and they complement each other beautifully if you do Carowinds and SFOG on a joint trip. They’re also near the entrances, like they’re saying hi to you first! I think hearing “Allstar” was just another sign that that silly joke call for characters so long ago was actually a pretty good move. I’m so glad this ride hadn’t been tainted by a previous personification. I love Goliath wholeheartedly, for more than just being a damn good ride.

You see, Goliath gave me hope. It’s no secret I’ve been extremely bitter about the leaked KI documents. I wanted something to make those Vengeance Bootlickers take pause. Maybe I’ve gone through the five stages of grief and reached Acceptance that we’re going to have to listen to people praise this glorified mine train for a few more years, but I’d just reached a state of numbness to KI’s second hyper. Goliath showed me that, yeah the numbers are going to look like ass on paper, but that doesn’t mean the ride is doomed to suck balls. There’s a chance, however slim, that KI 2020 can rise above the mediocre statistics and still be an enjoyable experience.

It takes a pretty special ride to make me be soft on the La Croix giga. Goliath’s pretty special, I guess. I feel really lucky to be relatively close to this ride.

It won’t be enough to stop the SV Mouthbreathers. But at this point, I don’t think anything short of T. Rex Giga will. I’m not even sure TRG could make them step down, truthfully, with how much Steve purists loathe the Raptor models. I was so mad at KI for their choice to not at least try. But Goliath showed me that, while Polarion won’t give me the change in the community I wanted, at its core he can still be fun. (And I can just bide my time until our Queen Mother T. Rex shows up and comes beatin’ down Sandusky’s block, roaring “Fuck Steve lives” all the way.)

So yeah, Goliath really butters my biscuits or some equally-corny Southern phrase. It’s 2 A.M., and all I know is I think that’s one fine ride Austell has on their hands. I don’t care enough to be eloquent. I just think Goliath is spiffy as fuck, and you should meet him sometime. I know I definitely can’t wait to see him again.

[werewylf]

combining these because one of y’all absolute mad lads wanted me to do the whole thing,, these are from the unusual asks (found here) now on to the questions !!!

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

~ tbh yeah,, like I wanna be the person I am on the inside,, I want my outsides to mirror my insides and just let everyone know who I am no hiding or making excuses any more,, I want people to look at me and be inspired to be themselves,, to love themselves,, and to just love me (if that’s the kind of relationship that specific person has with me)

2: What is your full name?

~ Nikita “Magnus” Nickerson (Magnus is a placeholder middle name for now,, I like it but also I think I might wanna change it to something else I dunno yet)

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

~ I’m 19 currently and I get mistaken for either 16 or 21/22 with no in between

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

~ finally I can answer yes to a question like this !!! it was semi-perm but omg I dyed it teal and my mom’s gonna let me do a mystery color sometime soon (it’s a surprise what color :3)

5: What’s your eye color?

~ deep brown,, like deeeeeppppp brown omg ppl used to make fun of me because I had “black,, demon eyes” and I was really good at staring contests when I was younger

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it?

~ honestly it varies sometimes I’m super indifferent to the body I have and other times I’m super insecure and want to get rid of my body,, but I am doing better about it and I’m glad my body gets me from place to place

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

~ I don’t currently have any tattoos (but watch tf out when I have money I have So many planned lol) and I’ve had my earlobes pierced since I was 6 months old and I’m planning to get some more piercings

8: What would you say is your best quality?

~ my ability to be there for ppl when they really need it,, like I drop stuff so quick when ppl indicate they need me

9: What are you really bad at?

~ math,, expressing my feelings,, talking about my feelings,, letting myself feel my feelings,, taking time for myself BEFORE I break down,, working myself into a breakdown,, asking for help

10: What talent do you wish you had?

~ honestly I wish I had the talent to actually know when to stop blaming myself

11: Are you nice to everyone?

~ nope,, but I try to be as polite as possible,, and I’ve gotten better about being nicer to people

12: What do you think about the most?

~ I mainly think about missed opportunities and how to let my friends know I care about them deeply and love them without weirding them out

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself?

~ hoo boy I’m gonna limit this to 3 things each otherwise we’d be here all day; likes: ability to listen,, creative,, intuitive; dislikes: bottling up emotions,, stubborn,, low self-esteem

14: What is your least favorite word?

~ moist

15: What is your favorite word?

~ petrichor

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

~ tbh,, I’m a fairly even mix,, but a lot of times I don’t act like either one of them

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

~ honestly,, I do that weird lil half smile that ppl get when another person is looking at them to do something lol

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone?

~ to stay out of trouble

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

~ the only thing I’m lying about is my emotional state when ppl ask how I’m doing

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

~ romantically? nah,, but platonically? definitely

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

~ not really,, not for me at least

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

~ of a sort,, like there are just some people that you vibe with in a very special way and it’s not always romantic either

23: Are looks important?

~ to me,, looks aren’t the most important thing,, I feel like personality goes beyond looks and can even enhance how your brain sees people

24: Opinion on relationship age differences?

~ after a certain amount of years I don’t particularly agree with them,, like if you have a 20+ year age gap I don’t really get it,, like if the ppl get together when one is like 20 and the other is like 40,, there’s such a gap in the understanding the 2 (or more) ppl will have,, but also it’s not my life and not really my business what grown adults do

25: Would you date someone off the internet?

~ I’d be willing to try but tbh it’s hard enough trying to date someone you met in person

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

~ yes,, many times

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

~ yeah,, I had a crush on one of my friends while they were in a relationship and I felt so Bad,, like I didn’t want to ruin their relationship or lose their friendship so I just kept my mouth shut lol

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

~ not really,, I’ve either given up on them a while ago or I still have a small shred of hope

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

~ not really ??? (unless they just didn’t tell me lmao)

30: Have you ever like your best friend?

~ actually yeah I have skskdddkdk

31: How does someone win your heart?

~ honestly,, I get crushes ridiculously easy if you’re nice to me for a while and show affection in an exuberant way,, and that typically deepens until one day I’m sitting there looking at that person when they’re telling me something they are So excited over and they have stars in their eyes and my face goes soft and I look at them like they hung the sun,, moon,, and stars just for me and it hits me like a freight train that I might just love this person and it doesn’t have to be romantically or sexually,, I just feel for people I’m close to very deeply and it might be pathetically easy to win my heart but goddamnit I’m soft and love a lot ❤❤

32: What turns you on?

~ a lot of different things actually,, like sometimes if the person I like is physically bigger than me and they need me to stand or sit a certain way and they position me just the way they need,, that’s umm,, Hot af,, although I act mad at the manhandling lol,, and oh god if they’re Big and they pin me with an intense stare and like loom over me (maybe with me against the wall aksksk 😍),, also my neck is like Very sensitive like to the point that if you lightly blow against it I full body shudder,, y’all don’t know how distracting it is when your crush is hugging you and telling you something important but you can’t listen because every word is a puff of air against your neck so you just close your eyes and hope to god your subconscious is actually retaining the info (oh god I just had a Thought,, if someone pinned me to the wall by my throat and then kissed me breathless while pressing close enough my gasping brushes our chests together and then kissed my neck with either tenderness or ferocity I’d probably fucking self combust on the spot),, to go along with that I Love Love Love neck kisses so much (y’all probably know too much about that by now lol),, y’all I’m just really into mouths,, lips,, teeth,, tongues are all just very top teir,, oh fuck,, flexing muscles get to me so much,, like cross your arms in front of me and I won’t look at your eyes because mine will be glued to those fucking arms,, god fuck thigh riding is the dream here 😍😍,, okay I’m gonna stop myself here but it’s easy to turn me on sometimes and hard other times (that greyasexual life)

33: What turns you off?

~ okay let me honest here,, as much as I like tongues and all they can do ;),, I don’t really enjoy french kissing (maybe that’s my last ex’s fault,, his kisses were just so Wet) like I much prefer those open-mouthed kisses with minimal tongue,, and people who are rude and assholes for no reason are like huge turn-offs no matter how attractive they are,, also I hate those people who like desperately want to be doms but they just become like overbearing,, lowkey abusive,, and highly annoying,, tbh most of this list is gonna be shit my ex did because it was all so Unsexy in hindsight

34: Do you get jealous easily?

~ imo not really,, like I might be jealous after a while if the person like after telling me that we would be spending time together alone and they didn’t really follow through like bringing another person along and focusing on them the whole time or focusing on a stranger overly much but I don’t really like feeling jealous because I don’t like forcing myself on people if it seems they are happier doing what they’re doing and I can’t control people only myself so I typically try and redirect any jealous thoughts,, if its like a constant thing tho I’d definitely talk to that person

35: What is your definition of cheating?

~ well for starters,, I don’t consider hugging other people or spending time with them cheating,, I guess I would define cheating for me personally is if the person knowingly hides a deep emotional/physical relationship with another person,, like say I was dating a person and then I found out they were spilling their fears and dreams with another person and telling me nothing or barely anything I’d be a little upset,, but also you can’t expect your s/o to talk to you and only you,, everybody needs and deserves a support system,, or if I found out they were having sex or taking another person out on dates without my knowledge,, like if they just talked to me and explained everything before they started anything they might find I’m open to accommodating them

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

~ for me,, this varies from person to person,, but there comes a point no matter the person that I will drop their ass (that’s what I get for having 7 earth signs with 5 of them being Taurus in my birth chart)

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

~ yes

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

~ to my knowledge,, no,, but everyone has different definitions of cheating,, but I abhor cheating so like god I hope not

39: How often do you listen to music?

~ every fucking day,, mainly all day every day no joke,, I spent my entire senior year of hs with at least one headphone in blasting music to keep myself calm (I’m baby from baby driver essentially),, music is everything to me truly

40: First concert you attended?

~ the first concert I ever attended was a Goody Grace concert (y’all check my boy out I love him) it was lovely and it really woke something up in me in regards to frantically trying to plan visits to concerts now lol

41: Last movie you watched?

~ honestly,, I’m pretty sure I’ve watched at least one movie after this one,, but the last movie I remember watching is Aquaman a few weeks ago

42: Favorite type of movie?

~ Action/Adventure or Sci-Fi

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

~ I went through a period of self-harm for 9 years and I still struggle with craving those feelings a lot and when I relapse I feel like shit,, I’m better about talking about it through like texts or whatever it’s really hard for me to talk about it out loud,, I get really fucking choked up and kinda teary sometimes

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

~ for the most part,, yeah,, I’ve bottled up my feelings and problems for so long I’ve gotten quite good at not showing everything I’m feeling,, but lately,, I’ve been trying to go against that and show what I’m feeling when around people that care for me

45: Do you fall in love easily?

~ love? I don’t know about that but I get infatuated really easily,, I have a hard time identifying love and how it feels to me so I don’t realize I love someone until it smacks me in the face

46: Do you think people say “I love you” too much?

~ fuck no,, say I love you to the people you love damnit !!! I say I love you to my friends AND my family,, like omg sometimes I have to just shut up because I’m bursting with love for people,, and if I’m drunk I say I love you like every five seconds ❤😍😘

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

~ very basic of me,, but Halloween/All Hallow’s Eve,, it’s really one of the only widely celebrated holidays I like

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

~ this depends on what the person is asking for forgiveness for,, but there comes a point where nothing they say or do could possibly get me to forgive them,, like sometimes you just have cut ppl off

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

~ (disney land/world ??? I’m jk lol) on god,, it’s sitting with someone you vibe with and sharing bits and pieces of your souls between each other (and if that devolves into being wrapped up in each other until the stars come out then that’s magical babey 😍)

50: What’s your “type”?

~ nice,, funny,, passionate,, ??? it’s surprisingly hard to put into words,, rest assured I intimately know I do have a type,, it’s just very broad lol

Okay,, that’s the 50 questions !!! thank you darlin’ much for asking me to do this lol,, sorry it took me a while,, love you ❤❤ !!!

[mytaxiindia-blog1]

‘Queen of Himalayas’, Darjeeling

‘Queen of Himalayas’, Darjeeling

The rustling of the wind, the hills rising in their majesties, the clouds scattered across sky, the sunlight streaming through the tall timber trees, nature’s beauty all around and the strong fragrance of tea adding to the essence of this poetic scenery. The ‘Queen of Himalayas’, Darjeeling has her own way of bringing poetry out of everyone who visits her. The once capital under British, Darjeeling, located at an altitude of 6,710 ft in Lesser Himalayas, is the jewel of West Bengal. One of the most famous tourist places, which attracts around 50,000 foreign and 500,000 domestic tourists every year, is famous for its lush tea plantations all over the world. There are 87 tea estates, also called "tea gardens" in the Darjeeling hills that have earned label to produce world famous "Darjeeling Tea", each estate producing teas with different characteristics of taste and aroma.

Other than these tea gardens, this place has many other attractions, some of which include the Kanchenjunga peak, Tiger hills, the famous toy train and Peace Pagoda.

Top places to visit:

Here are the top places to see in Darjeeling, which are must-visits, if one is planning for a short vacation in Darjeeling.

 1.  Kanchenjunga: (How to Go?)

It is the third highest mountain in the world. Due to its remote location in Nepal and difficulty involved in reaching it from India, the Kangchenjunga region is not much explored by trekkers. It has, thus, retained much of its grand beauty. But, trekking into the Kangchenjunga region has just recently been permitted. It is the beautiful views of the Kanchenjunga Mountains, tea plantations and Buddhist monasteries along the way, which make the visit to the city worth.

 2.  Himalayan Zoo (Padmaja Naidu Zoological Park):

A zoological park along with combination of a theme park, Padmaja Naidu Zoological Park is one of the best zoos in the world. It is also the first Indian zoo to receive ‘The Earth Heroes’ award. Among the best places to visit in the city, this is where exactly one can find some of the high altitude endangered and exotic species, that are rarely seen in any other part of world, such as Red Panda, Tibetan wolves and Asiatic black bears.The super clean, well maintained zoo is a beautiful place to spend an afternoon.

 3.  Japanese Peace Pagoda

Buddhist origin, Peace Pagodas are monuments built as a sign of inspiring peace and tranquility in world. Located in the Jalapahar hill, the city’s Peace Pagoda is part of a family of around 30 pagodas spanning the whole globe.  Here we can find the four large avatars of Lord Buddha and the view from the top of the building is heart soothing.

 4.  Tiger Hill

The place to visit early in morning for witnessing the brightest sunrise, Tiger Hill, located at the highest point in Darjeeling area, is famous for its panoramic sunrise view of Mount Everest and Mt. Kangchenjunga together.

 5.  Rock Garden

My personal favorite among all the places, was the Rock garden. It is breathtakingly beautiful place with a small waterfall, with varieties of flowers. It has been recently added tourist attractions in the hilly town of Darjeeling. Basically, here terraced gardens at different levels have been cut through the rocks, through which runs the waterfall. About 3 kilometres from the Rock Garden, is Ganga Maya Park, further down the road which is also an alluring place for visit.

 6.  Ghoom Monastery

Among the many monasteries of Sikkim, one is the very popular, Ghoom Monastery. Ghoom Monastery is the popular name of Yiga Choeling Monastery located at Ghum at an elevation of 8,000ft, 8 km from Darjeeling in the state of West Bengal, India. The monastery follows the Gelug school of Tibetan Buddhism. It is a serene place which is loved being at by the tourists.

 Some of the other things to do while the visit.

1.  Ride the Toy Train:

Any visit to this Darjeeling is incomplete without experiencing the world popular toy train ride. The Toy Train is one of the most well known attractions in Darjeeling, being almost 100 years old. It is an old famous steam engine that still functions to this date, travelling from Siliguri up and around Darjeeling town.

 2.  Ropeway/Cable car:

The ropeway of Darjeeling which is also known as the Rangeet Valley Passenger Cable Car starts at the Darjeeling Singamari station. This gives a breathtaking view of the valleys below, spread of lush tea plantations, dense forests and waterfalls, along with the illusion of touching the snowy sky at the background. This is definitely a must do activity while the visit.

 3.  Visit a tea estate:

A trip to Darjeeling, without a visit to a tea estate is like going to a temple and returning without a prayer. One can visit any tea estate, out the hundreds in the city, getting to know the process of tea production, how tea bushes are picked/plucked and processed into the, world famous, ‘Darjeeling Tea’.

 4.  Mountain Biking in Senchal Wildlife Sanctuary cycling park:

Ever thought of cycling at 7000 ft? For the wild and adventurous ones, this year the Wildlife Sanctuary opened the country’s first-ever, 20-km stretch, cycle trail, through thick pine forests. One can easily get a cycle on rent (Rs 50) and enjoy the life-time memorable bike ride.

 5.  Trekking at Singalila National Park:

This one is for the trekkers; Singalila National Park is one of the most desired trek pace in the Himalayas range, due to the grand sights of the Kanchenjunga range, the Everest range and also for the seasonal wildflower and birding blooms. Singalila Park is also one of the famous birding spots in the Himalayas.

[centralparkpawsblog]

How to Prepare for Your New Puppy

https://www.centralparkpaws.net/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/How-to-prepare-to-bring-new-puppy-home-get-ready-adoption.jpg

I had planned on getting a dog the way other people plan on starting a family. It was a life goal and part of my 5-year plan after graduating from college.

I wanted to have a stable career and a townhouse before I brought a dog into my world.

I knew that dogs required a lot of time and dedication, and it was my goal to provide all I could to the new puppy in my life.

Before Daisy arrived, I had made all of the necessary and not-so-necessary arrangements before even bringing her home.

And though the preparations took weeks to complete, they made all the difference in the world.

I did everything I could think of, from setting up daycare to puppy-proofing my house, so when the day came that I could finally pick her up.

I was as prepared I could be.

With all of the safeguards and planning in place, you may be thinking that raising Daisy through puppyhood was a breeze, and you would be so wrong. You can do all the planning in the world and yet a new puppy can still make you feel unprepared.

They are just like babies. They will wake you up in the night, they will cry, they will create messes, but at the end of the day, they will still make you smile.

Getting Ready for Your New Puppy

Time to bring one home!

Just like all things in life, preparation will make things go smoother.

The more you can do before your four-legged tornado, I mean four-legged angel, comes home, the better off you will be.

If you don’t know what size or age puppy you will be bringing home; say, if you are adopting from a shelter, you may need to table some of the preparations.

Things to Buy Before You Bring Home your Puppy

Collar/Harness and Leash

This may be impacted if you don’t know the size of the puppy.

I recommend a 4-6-foot leash to start with and not a retractable leash.

Milk replacer can be useful for making puppy gruel and mush to get your puppy used to solid foods

Puppy Food

If you know what type of food your puppy is currently eating then I would continue to feed the same food.

If you would prefer to switch your new puppy’s food you can do so, but you will want to purchase both the current food and the one you want to change to.

If you are bringing home a large or giant breed dog, it is vital to feed a diet specific to their needs.

Providing proper nutrition will help ensure they do not grow too quickly, putting undue strain on their bodies.

Puppy Food and Water Bowls

Tip: Though you may be tempted to buy a cute bowl, as I was (see below), it will only be chewed on.

Save the cute bowls until after your puppy has grown out of their chewing stage.

When choosing a bowl, think durable and sturdy.

Puppies often enjoy carrying their dishes around and playing in them, even when the dishes are full of food or water.

Product Recommendations

Paw Stars (This is my #1 pick)   Check Price

Not only are these bowls super cute but they are also super durable, making it difficult to chip or break. They are made from polyresin, which is food safe.

These bowls are more substantial, making them challenging to push around. And, the sloped smooth sides make it quite difficult for your puppy to pick up, helping to avoid spills.

Additionally, if your puppy likes to dig in the bowl, as Daisy did, it is extremely scratch resistant. We still have Daisy’s bowl from when she was a puppy and it is still looking pretty good.

Pedy adjustable food bowl  Check Price

This is another great option, though it does require mounting. However, it is adjustable, so it can be raised as your dog grows, plus it is difficult to tip over. Also, it folds back for secure storage when it’s not being used.

WishLotus  Check Price

The WishLotus bowl is great for puppies that eat too fast. It’s made out of plastic, making it challenging to break, but it can be easily chewed on or carried.

Super Design  Check Price

Super Design is a non-spill bowl. Though it can be carried or chewed, it won’t be easy to tip over. Plus, the removable metal dishes make it easy to keep clean

Dog Buddy  Check Price

I know this isn’t a bowl, but I recommend getting a mat. It makes cleaning up easier, works to keep the dishes from sliding, and protects your floors from water damage.

Crate

Again, this is something that might be challenging if you don’t know what kind of dog you are going to be bringing home. There is an abundance of crates available.

I bought three crates for Daisy: One for my car, one for the house, and one to take with me when I brought her along with me.

The one for my car was small since I had planned on her riding in a seatbelt harness when Daisy was older. The second crate, for the house, was a wire one with a divider (Click here to learn How to Use a Dog Crate Divider (and Make Your Own!).

The third crate was soft-sided since it was light-weight and easy to carry and set up.

The house crate was a large crate that came with a divider so it could be adjusted as Daisy grew.

I would highly recommend getting a crate with a divider: It helps crate train, house train, and you don’t have to invest in several crates as your dog grows.

For more help figuring out what type of crate to buy, see our article: Which Type of Dog Crate is Best for Your Pooch?

Product Recommendations

Amazon Basics Double Door Wire Crate   Check Price

I like the multiple door aspect because it allows for more flexibility to where you can place it. Also, I like the slide-out tray to make it easier to clean.

Favorite Hard Sided Multi Door Crate   Check Price

This top-loading carrier made it easier to place Daisy inside when she was a puppy.

EliteField 3-Door Folding Soft-Sided Crate   Check Price

I love the carrying strap for this, it made it easier to haul around. Having a crate, you can easily carry with you makes bringing your puppy with you to people’s homes a breeze. It works as a playpen as well as a place to sleep for your puppy.

Dog Bed

Having a dog bed isn’t just about comfort; it can also aid in training, giving them a quiet place to go calm down.

There are many variables to consider when picking a bed, but I will suggest choosing one that is water-resistant and has a removable cover.

Product Recommendations

JOYELF Orthopedic Bed   Check Price

Super soft memory foam and a washable cover. The bolstered sides can help your pup feel more comfortable and protected.

Best Friends by Sheri   Check Price

This washable cover takes a bit more care but it is perfect for those dogs that like to sleep half on, half off the bed.

ANWA pad   Check Price

Washable, comfortable, and fits easily into a crate.

Treats

This is a must.

Training starts on the first day[1].

Look for tiny soft training treats that dog thinks are “high value.”

You may have to try a few to see which your puppy likes best.

Product Recommendations

Bixbi Pocket Trainers  Check Price

Zuke’s Natural Training Treats  Check Price

Pet Botanics Training Reward  Check Price

Treat Pouch

This will save your clothes from being nibbled on (Sophie has chewed pockets off of jeans) as well as keeping your clothes from smelling like treats.

Product Recommendations

Paw Lifestyles   Check Price

Great for training outside of the home, such as walks or training class. Because this treat pouch has multiple pockets it allows you to carry your keys, money, and poop bags conveniently and without the need for a purse.

Chuckit Treat Tote   Check Price

This is a small, simple tote, comfortable to wear, especially around the house. Plus, it washes up nicely.

Carpet Cleaner

Accidents are going to happen.

Even if you are crazy diligent, you will, at some point, find an accident, likely off in some corner.

Product Recommendations

Rocco & Roxie Professional Strength Stain & Odor Eliminator    Check Price

Puracy Natural Stain Remover   Check Price

Clorox Urine Remover   Check Price

Vansky Black Light   Check Price

I know this last one isn’t a stain remover, but it helps to find any dried urine spots. I bought mine 14 years ago, and it has been a tremendous help finding the accidents you can smell but can’t see[2].

Poop Bags

Clean up after your dog; we live in a society.

I like the earth-friendly ones.

Product Recommendations

Earth Rated   Check Price

My AlphaPet    Check Price

Puppy Brush

It is best to start with a soft brush to help make it a positive and comfortable experience for your puppy.

Product Recommendations

Hertzko Soft Bristle   Check Price

Burts Bees Bamboo Dog Brush    Check Price

Puppy Gate

A huge help to keep your puppy safely confined without putting them in their crate.

Product Recommendations

Summer Extra Tall Gate   Check Price

Easy to use and doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb in your living room.

Regalo Easy Step Gate   Check Price

Easy to set up, comes with multiple mounting options, and is very easy to open.

Pawland Free Standing Pet Gate   Check Price

Gates like these let you quickly block off an area, whether there’s a doorway there or not. They don’t work as well for older dogs who can figure out how to just knock them over.

Puppy Toothbrush & Toothpaste

It is best to start them early. Early preventative care can save you a lot of money down the road.

Daisy only had her teeth cleaned, professionally, twice in her all her fifteen and a half years.

Sophie, on the other hand, is a dental nightmare.

She never learned to have her teeth brushed, so when I tried it at age two, she wanted nothing to do with it.

That puppy breath won’t last forever…

Product Recommendations

Pura Naturals Pet Dental Kit  Check Price

H&H Finger Toothbrush    Check Price

I found it easier to start with a finger brush then graduate to the toothbrush. You have more control and can be sure to make it as positive of an experience as possible.

Puppy Safe Toys

Daisy with her Petstages Teething Ring and Teething Nylabone

This is huge!!

Bored puppies make bad decisions, and be sure to include toys for teething.

I would start with a variety of chew toys until you can figure out what your puppy likes.

Daisy loves Nylabones. Some people may be concerned about their safety but that’s not a problem if you supervise your pup when they chew on them.

Product Recommendations

Puppy Kongs   Check Price

Teething Nylabone   Check Price

Huggle Hounds    Check Price

Kong Cozie    Check Price

Petstages Cool Teething Stick   Check Price

Puppy Shampoo

It’s essential to find a puppy shampoo that is gentle on their skin.

Puppies coming home from shelters can sometimes retain the shelter smell.

Also, they sometimes make messes and need a good bath to freshen up.

Product Recommendations

Earthbath Ultra-Mild Puppy Shampoo   Check Price

BioSilk Puppy Tearless Shampoo   Check Price

BIGA Deodorizing Fragrance-Free Cleansing Wipes for Dogs  Check Price

These are baby wipes for dogs, and yes, you will go through a three-pack. I keep some in the car and the house. They work great if your pup finds mud or other things to traipse through, which they always seem to do.

In fact, I just had to stop typing and use one on Calvin since he found something to roll in. Nothing like real-life examples!

Things to Do Before Bringing Home a Puppy

Beyond shopping, there are a few things you need to figure out before bringing home a puppy.

You can, of course, wait on this, but it is nice to have somethings pre-arranged.

Find a Local Veterinarian

If you don’t already have a vet in mind, talk with friends and family in your area for recommendations.

It’s important to find a great vet that you trust.

Find an Emergency Vet

Trust me, it’s always good to know where they are.

I always look up the emergency vet hospitals whenever we travel.

There’s nothing like an emergency to set you into a panic and not know where to bring your puppy[3].

Find a Puppy Class

As soon as your pup is old enough and have their proper vaccinations, it’s best to get them into class for socialization and early training.

You have no idea how often this gets overlooked, and bad behaviors that could have been avoided are out of control by the time the puppy is three months old.

Find a Dog Sitter or Daycare

Most daycares will not accept puppies under a certain age, but it is never too early to start looking.

My daycare had an 8-month waiting list, so Daisy was on the waiting list even before she was born.

Having a dog sitter come in half-way through your puppy’s day will aid in housetraining and provide some much-needed exercise.

Daisy had a dog walker come by three times a week and Grandma came by twice a week until she was old enough for daycare.

Figure out your New Schedule

When you have a new puppy, you need to plan to get up earlier before work to give your puppy ample time to eat, go outside, and get some exercise before going back in their kennel for the day.

Oh, and trust me, puppies don’t know about or care about your schedule. So, don’t expect every morning to go smoothly.

There will be accidents, there will be messes, and there might even be tears (yours, not theirs).

Puppy Proof your House and Yard

This will be ongoing.

Even though you think you have things figured out, your puppy will show you all the places you missed.

Note the pillows stuffed between the two couches

It was one of the first places Daisy went when she got home.

I didn’t want her back there because of the cords, plus I couldn’t see her well and wouldn’t know if she had an accident until it was too late.

Final Thoughts…

Puppies are a lot of work, but they are so worth it. Putting the time in before your puppy arrives can alleviate a lot of work and stress.

The more preparation you do before you bring your pup home, the more time you can spend enjoying playing with your new fur baby.

Their puppyhood flies by in the blink of an eye, so enjoy every moment you can.

Resources

http://breedingbetterdogs.com/article/early-puppy-training

https://pets.thenest.com/dog-urine-carpet-black-light-4734.html

https://www.medvetforpets.com/pet-owners/what-is-pet-emergency/

The post How to Prepare for Your New Puppy appeared first on Central Park Paws.

from https://www.centralparkpaws.net/pet-care/prepare-for-new-puppy/

[biofunmy]

21 Things BuzzFeed News Tried And Loved In 2019

As the tech and business team at BuzzFeed News, we love stuff. Gizmos, gadgets, games, and gear. So here are some of the many things that we tried this year and wholeheartedly recommend.

1. Forest App — Free

Can you go half a minute without checking Twitter, or TikTok, or Facebook? I bet you didn’t make it through that sentence without gazing longingly at another tab. How does one get work done in such a distracting world? Some of us have given up. For the rest of us, there’s Forest. No, not the one with trees. Don’t get carried away. I’m talking about Forest, the app, and also a browser extension, that helps you concentrate. When you use Forest, you can choose to block certain websites, or stop using your phone, for 25 minutes intervals. When you start your countdown, Forest displays a small shrub, which grows until it’s a fully mature digital tree at the 25-minute mark. If you try to navigate to your forbidden websites — which you can whitelist or blacklist — you will kill your tree. And since you don’t want to be a tree murderer, you will concentrate and enrich your life, or your company, and live happily ever after.

—Alex Kantrowitz

2. Google Doodle Polls — Free

Toward the end of 2018, I attended my first meeting for what became the BuzzFeed News Union. When it was time to plan when we’d meet next, there came that inevitable murmur of everyone pulling up their calendars, throwing out a bunch of dates, and then someone else saying they weren’t free — but how about this day? Rather than let that agony go on any longer, I volunteered to just make a Doodle. “What’s a Doodle?” someone asked. “What’s a DOODLE?!” I probably shrieked back, stunned that so many people didn’t know about the productivity tool I’ve been loyally using for at least six years.

Doodle is pretty simple: It’s a scheduling tool that makes planning meetings ridiculously easy. You select a bunch of possible dates and send them to the attendees. They check off which dates they could do. At the end, you have a neat little tally showing which day most people are free.

But Doodle isn’t just for meetings! It’s also how I kept my book club a well-oiled machine this year. And there’s truly no better way to plan a dinner with that group of friends you’ve been meaning to catch up with. Maybe I sound like a square using a productivity tool to manage relationships, but it’s the simplest way to push past the “I’ve just been so busy!!” excuses and find time to see the people you love. I often find myself wondering what else I could be using Doodle for: A family reunion? A weekend trip with my college friends? And when will Doodle integrate with dating apps? Can it please be now?

Several months — and more than a dozen Doodle polls — later, we officially formed the BuzzFeed News Union. And while that was mostly thanks to the hard work of my colleagues, I like to think Doodle deserves a little bit of credit as well.

—Julia Reinstein

3. Apple EarPods — Free With an iPhone

At the end of 2017, I said that Apple’s AirPods were my favorite gadget of the year. At the end of 2019, I am retracting my opinion. AirPods are trash — after about two years, when the tiny battery in each one begins to die, and your $159 pair of earphones start sputtering out in minutes. Your only recourse is buying an expensive, out-of-warranty replacement or a brand-new pair from Apple.

So earlier this year, I abandoned my AirPods for something a lot less sexy: the simple white wired earbuds that came with my iPhone.

Sure, I can’t plug EarPods, which is what Apple officially calls them, into my MacBook, something that drives me nuts, and sure, I have wires dangling out of my ears like we all did not that long ago. But they also NEVER die on me in the middle of a podcast because the battery died, and I NEVER have to charge them, and if I ever lose them, new ones are $29 a pop, far less than what a single replacement AirPod costs. And they don’t sound any worse than AirPods.

When AirPods work, they are magical. But when they flake out, as AirPods inevitably will, they make the simple act of listening an experience fraught with anxiety — I could never predict when I’d hear the telltale chirp in my ears that meant the battery was depleted, sometimes just minutes after a full charge.

Now, I shove my trusty little EarPods into my ears and just go. Around me, millions of human beings swirl freely, unencumbered by wires, but hours later, my EarPods keeping playing and playing and playing. It’s magical — and it works every time.

—Pranav Dixit

4. Google Home Mini — $14.99 on Amazon

This year, for me, has been about investing some energy into making the devices and apps I regularly use fit into my life better. It’s weird that the technology’s default mode right now is changing human behavior rather than adapting to it. After moving to a new apartment, I realized the Google Home I’ve had for about two years really couldn’t cover multiple rooms, so on a lark I picked up a Google Home Mini and threw it in my bedroom. The two devices work seamlessly together. I bought a bunch of cheap Wi-Fi outlets and plugged some lamps into them in different rooms, which lets me turn lights on and off like I’m living on the starship Enterprise. I can move a song on Spotify around my apartment, from one Google Home to another. The Mini’s speaker is just the right size for a bedroom. In the morning, it tells me the weather and plays a few headlines. This all sounds extremely basic and it is, but it’s also exactly the right relationship I think we should have with smarthome technology — add a little bit at a time when you feel like it, see if you like it, casually adjust accordingly, have fun with it.

—Ryan Broderick

5. Feedly and Pocket Apps — $6/month and $4.99/month

Over the last four years, my personal internet had mostly shrunk down to just Twitter — which is by all accounts an irredeemably awful website full of the worst kind of content being created by the worst people on Earth. To fix this, I started paying for the RSS reader Feedly ($6 a month) and the read-it-later app Pocket ($4.99 a month). I mainly use Feedly for work. The paid version supports Google Alerts and works really well on mobile. Pocket, according to my phone’s screen time, is regularly in my top three most-used apps. I’ve used the free version for years, but the paid version has a really powerful search function, which means that whatever I put in there is easily findable, online and off. Pocket also has a Spotify-like algorithm that is always recommending me stuff to read based on what I’ve previously loaded in there (it used to be better, but sadly now it mostly just recommends Pocket originals which I’m kinda meh on). Both apps have helped me focus better, follow the news more easily, and actually enjoy the long-forgotten feeling of digging into something interesting on the internet. Read more websites in 2020!

—Ryan Broderick

6. Nintendo Switch — $298.99 on Amazon

I’ve technically had a Switch for about a year and a half, originally buying it for a European vacation with lots of train rides. In the last year, I really dove into its catalog of games. I’m by no means a Real Gamer — I’m 30 and the last system I owned was a Nintendo GameCube. That means I mainly just want to play a bunch of cartoony RPGs, remakes of old games, and a bunch of party games for when friends come over. I also travel a lot. All of these things make the Switch one of my favorite devices. Big games like The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, Astral Chain, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, and this month’s Pokémon Sword and Shield are genuine joys. And the Nintendo store has all kinds of cheap mid-sized games that you can just jump into whenever you want to kill some time, like Untitled Goose Game, Sonic Mania, and Hollow Knight. The console is also incredibly portable with a shockingly good battery life. Plus, Nintendo has for the most part avoided the toxic cultural wars that follow other video games. Instead, I can come home, lay around with my Switch, and spend a mindless couple hours trying to catch a shiny Galarian Rapidash in peace.

—Ryan Broderick

7. Instagram’s Close Friends Stories — Free

As someone whose private Instagram account is PG-13 at its absolute most risqué, I initially brushed off Instagram’s “close friends” stories feature as unnecessary. But Instagram has become my main means of sharing and communicating, my followers now include my boss, colleagues, aunts, married high school friends, acquaintances — as well as several dudes from Hinge who will apparently continue watching my stories until one of us dies. So the close friends feature has become my go-to. Whether I want to deliver an update while perhaps being a little drunker than advisable, share a meme without individually messaging it to seven different people, or just generally be a little sad/weird/vulnerable online, close friends has become both a micro version of a finsta and the realest version of myself I share anywhere on the internet. It’s some small comfort to take back a bit of privacy on social media — as much as privacy exists there at all, of course.

—Olivia Niland

8. Scam Goddess — Free

The summer of scam may be over, but scam springs eternal — and Laci Mosley keeps us informed on Earwolf’s Scam Goddess podcast. She’s tackled everything from Anna Delvey, aka the Soho Scammer, that nationwide Airbnb scam, and the absolutely bonkers Ukrainian orphan story since the podcast began in September. Mosley’s guests have included Paul F. Tompkins, Lauren Lapkus, and Nicole Byer, so while the show can’t help being hysterical, at least once per episode she delivers a line so strikingly, memorably, out-of-left-field funny that I find myself rewinding to listen over and over again. Scam Goddess is true crime without the ick factor, a bubblegum fun listen with a dose of education, and a breath of fresh air in my podcast feed.

—Olivia Niland

9. Silicone Case for Apple TV Remote — $7.45 on Amazon

This was the year I finally cut the cord on cable television, which meant I used the Apple TV remote a lot more than before. I have a fourth gen Apple TV (the 2015 release that was the first model with Siri), and my chief complaint is that the remote is incredibly slippery. Not only do I find it slippery in terms of trying to scroll with my thumb on the trackpad, but the damned thing flies out of my hand like a bar of soap in the tub. I literally marvel at it sometimes wondering how Apple sells something that is impossible to hold. Steve would never!

Here’s where the silicone sleeve comes in. It’s anti-slip, and it gives a tiny bit more girth and bulk to the remote to make it easier to hold. My only regret is buying it in black. I’d recommend getting a bright, easy-to-see color, because you know the Apple TV remote is always getting lost.

—Katie Notopoulos

10. Idagio Classical Music Streaming App — Free or $9.99/month

A few years ago, I wrote an article about the current state of the used CD market and discovered that one genre that still thrives on CD is classical. It isn’t just the better sound quality or that it’s for old people (OK, maybe that’s part of it), but rather that streaming apps like Spotify are terrible at organizing classical music. Unlike pop music, where Spotify’s algorithms and playlists can create amazing guesses on what you’d like to hear, classical is quite different.

The metadata is different — do you want to search by composer or conductor, orchestra or soloist? Also, many classical “albums” have several composers — a CD might be one orchestra’s concert of Mozart and Beethoven together, making an album search confusing. And there are dozens of versions of specific pieces recorded by different groups.

Idagio was recommended to me by a few people on Twitter after I tweeted complaining about the lack of good streaming for classical. The paid version (I signed up for a free week trial) was great — interesting curated playlists, good search, and recommendations — everything you’d want from a dedicated streaming app for classical. You can browse by composer, ensemble, conductor, soloist, genre, period, or even instrument. There are curated playlists from composers and soloists and even things like highlights from the London Symphony’s 2019–2020 season.

That said, I didn’t feel up to paying $9.99/month for yet another streaming service. I already pay for Spotify’s family plan, plus SiriusXM (which is soooo expensive, but I need my Howard Stern). So I canceled it after the free trial.

But this fall, Idagio released a free version. Not all the features of the paid version are available on the free version, crucially the ability to play a specific track. For example, you can’t play an exact Richard Strauss song, but you can play the Essential Richard Strauss radio playlist. Even so, it’s still the best free classical listening experience you can get.

––Katie Notopoulos

11. Curology — Subscriptions From $24.90/Month

Perhaps it was naive of me, but I assumed that once I got out of my teenage years, I wouldn’t have to worry about acne. And then I hit my late twenties, and BOOM — some sort of cursed second puberty, complete with painful cyst-like zits that I couldn’t remember having as a youth. I tried every “miracle” mask, face wash, toner, acne cream, oil, etc. Nothing helped.

In May, after years of extreme self-consciousness every time I had a flare-up, I stumbled across a thread on the /r/SkinCareAddiction subreddit about Curology, a subscription mail-order acne medication service. Since I had nothing to lose, I gave it a try. A week and a half later, I got a little white bottle in the mail that literally changed my life.

It’s been six months and the hormonal acne on my chin that I thought I’d be cursed with forever is all but nonexistent. The discoloration marks on my chin and around my nose have begun to fade and my skin tone is even in a way that it’s never been before. When I get a zit or two, they aren’t painful and they’re gone after a few days of my normal cleaning and Curology routine. My prescriber has answered every question I’ve had promptly and I have yet to have any problems with my shipment — and I still can’t believe I’m only paying $40 every other month for something that’s had such a profound change on my skin and day-to-day existence.

—Ellie Hall

12. SoFi Banking App — Free

Banks suck. I like money just fine, but I’ve always resented the institutions that hold onto the money for me. For years, I had a checking account at Wells Fargo, which, thanks to a massive scandal in which the company opened at least 3.5 million “potentially unauthorized” accounts, I now very much regret. Then I put my money in a local credit union, which somehow meant I was never able to access it unless I went to one specific office in San Francisco that never seemed to be open. So when I needed to open a new account earlier this year, you can imagine my trepidation — send my money to an evil empire with a UX from 1995 or to a rickety storefront in some basement, which also somehow had a UX from 1995?

Enter SoFi, the startup lending company which launched a mobile banking and investment app in February. I opened an account and now do all my finances from the free mobile app. It’s great. It’s a money market account, so I earn a small amount on my deposit and can easily pay bills, transfer money (similar to Venmo), and invest in the low-fee index funds dear to my heart. The UX looks like it was designed in this decade, and the investment side isn’t cluttered up with a bunch of unintelligible quant gibberish. (Looking directly at you, E-Trade.)

My eyes aren’t closed. SoFi seems to have previously been a terrible place to work. I sincerely hope the culture is better for employees under new CEO Anthony Noto, because I really like this app. Now if I could just convince my boomer psychotherapist to let me pay him on it instead of writing paper checks.

—Scott Lucas

13. Frogstagram — Free

Frogs: They’re usually small, sometimes green, and always delightful to follow on Instagram.

I stumbled upon Frogblr, the unofficial community of frog-owning Tumblr users, in early 2018. In the months following that, I realized many of my favorite frog blogs also had frog-themed Instagram accounts. So in 2019, I fully committed and now follow more than a dozen Instagram accounts operated by frog owners.

There’s @stickyfrogs, which features frogs named Gumby, Jeans, Voight, and Tiny. I also love @moonnight.17, which has wonderfully TINY frogs, as well as small snakes and geckos. I’m also a fan of @frog.wizard_, which has extremely earnest frog-themed memes. Also, @the_froggy_momma is great. She features dozens of different amphibians and reptiles, including frogs named Buttercup, Bertha (who has three legs), Norman, and Darla.

Of course, the frogs are incredibly cute. I love their big eyes and oddly shaped little bodies. But it’s equally joyful to watch their owners livestream the frogs, call them goofy names, and brag about everything they do (which is, in all honesty, not very much). It’s very sincere. I’d highly recommend going through the #frogsofinstagram tag and findings some accounts to follow.

—Caroline Haskins

14. Nuking All the Digital Evidence From Before My Haircut — Free

Bangs are not just my haircut. They are a crucial part of my personality. There are two stages of my life: before bangs and after. If you ever have the misfortune of glancing at my giant forehead, you will understand.

I got bangs in January 2017. Tragically, that is not very long ago. So I decided this year to delete and untag myself in any Instagram or Facebook photos before bangs. I also deleted all of my tweets in January 2018, which would have included any images of me from before I got my haircut.

This may sound dramatic. However, I promise it is not. If I’m honest, this isn’t just about liking my current haircut. It’s about having some control over the ways that I’m seen online. I keep the number of public pictures of me to an absolute minimum, and exercising some private control over my image feels like a natural extension of that instinct. Now with bangs.

—Caroline Haskins

15. TikTok — Free

It’s more than just funny, although it’s funnier than almost anything on television. TikTok is as much a portal into the everyday lives of other people as Chatroulette ever was, but without the expectation to engage with what you’re seeing. It’s the only social app on which I follow only delightful strangers, don’t consume content from anyone I know, nor feel pressure to post content myself. TikTok shows me a greater diversity of race, class, and, yes, age than any other platform I currently have access to. I’ve watched videos made by Mennonite teenagers, by hippie grandmas, by immigrant families. TikTok isn’t all jokes; I’ve watched girls do interpretive dances to the soundtrack of abusive boyfriends and screaming parents. I’ve watched videos expressing queer pride, native pride, ethnic pride. I’ve watched hours of TikToks; I’ve watched TikToks about being a 30-year-old woman addicted to TikTok. I conceal the extent of my TikTok watching from my partner.

I used to be addicted to Instagram, scrolling endlessly and closing the app only to immediately reopen it seconds later. But now, that pink and orange neon square doesn’t beckon the way it used to. I’d rather be watching TikToks, which pass no judgment on my baking, never make me wonder if I’m taking enough vacations, buying enough candles, or wearing fuzzy enough sweaters. What TikTok offers is comedic, absurd, and intimate. The only problem is now I need headphones in public, and I might be under surveillance by the Chinese state.

—Caroline O’Donovan

16. Send to Kindle for Google Chrome — Free

I’m trying to spend less time looking at my phone and have become obsessed with looking at my screen time stats (in the iPhone’s settings app). My most-used app, other than Instagram, is always Safari or Pocket, because that’s where I read long articles — actually, where I try to read long articles, but never finish in one sitting because some news alert or push notification has pulled me away from the story.

In an attempt to create a more distraction-free reading space, I’ve started to send any article of length to my Kindle, which has a black-and-white screen that’s more comfortable on the eyes. This Chrome extension makes it so easy. It grabs all the text on the page and zooms it right over to my e-ink reader in less than a minute. And it really works! I plowed through an entire ~3,800-word piece without reading one incoming WhatsApp and loved every minute of it!! (BTW, the fantastic, multithousand-word story is by my colleague Katherine Miller, and you will not regret spending 15 uninterrupted minutes on it.)

—Nicole Nguyen

17. Tile Pro — $35 and Tile Sticker — $40 2-pack

I’ve been yelling at people to get Tile’s Bluetooth-enabled thing finders, for years, but with the caveat that the device’s biggest flaw is the way it handles its battery, which is glued onto the device’s circuit board and can’t be replaced. Not great for the environment.

Well, the latest version of the Tile Pro finally has a replaceable battery!!! This is huge because the Tile really is a wonderful little doodad for helping you find keys, your kid’s fave toy, etc., and now you don’t have to throw away the entire device when it runs out of juice a year from now.

There’s another new Tile, called Sticker, which unfortunately doesn’t have a replaceable battery, but it lasts three years, which is very good for an always-on Bluetooth device. It’s also small enough to put on my AirPods case and stick discreetly on my bike. I haven’t lost either yet — but I am a huge fan of these tiny things.

—Nicole Nguyen

18. Streaming Co-Op — Free

It has been active for years, but in 2019 my streaming cooperative really began to shine. The idea is so obvious that you may be in one already: a group of friends — comrades, one might call them — who each subscribe to one streaming service and share the login details with all the others.

As it currently stands, I pay for Netflix, a friend in San Francisco pays for Hulu and another here in New York pays for HBO Now. We all pay for Amazon Prime, because Amazon. The co-op is currently onboarding a fourth member who will pay for Disney+. Scale!

Sharing passwords like this might go against the fine print of the average streaming user agreement, but it doesn’t seem to be against the spirit of them — most allow two and sometimes four seperate devices, in completely different locations, to be streaming simultaneously. Unless we’re talking about a situation where every member of the co-op is watching the same service at the same time (Does this really happen in a post-GoT world??), you should be just fine.

And given the trend, this might be the only workable model for watching stuff in the 2020s: Apple, Netflix, Amazon, HBO, and Hulu will all have exclusive shows you can’t see anywhere else, while Disney and its fellow content mega-giants will be using their vast libraries to funnel people into their own platforms. In a world with 8 to 10 streaming services each demanding 12 bucks a month — and we’re not even including cable channels, for those who want live sports or CNN or whatever — a co-op is the only game in town. Viewers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your passwords.

—Tom Gara

19. Buy Nothing Project — Free

On Jan. 1, 2019, Netflix released Tidying Up with Marie Kondo, a reality series consisting of eight episodes of sweet lifestyle porn. The smiling, soft-spoken, petite host gently floats into people’s messy, cluttered homes, like an organizational Mary Poppins, and — from the shambles — helps them create a peaceful space to live and breathe and be joyful. Deep. There were moments during the show, however, when I wondered what exactly happened to all that perfectly usable stuff that Kondo helped them thank in a moment of ritual silence before tossing it into a trash bag in the driveway. Is it all headed to the landfill before ending up in crushed shards in some whale’s guts or up some turtle’s nostril?

One answer to this problem is the Buy Nothing Project, a network of local groups on Facebook started in 2013 “to quickly get rid of things that are cluttering their lives, or simply to save money by getting things for free.” The groups — which have popped up around the world — are organized by city, sometimes even by neighborhood. Some members post items they’re ready to “gift” to their neighbors, and others post things they need, in case anyone happens to be looking to expel that object from their house.

People gift clothes they no longer want or that don’t fit, furniture that doesn’t work in a new apartment (even a fireplace), storage and packing boxes, cosmetics and other beauty products that aren’t exactly the color or scent they were looking for, kitchen gadgets and spices they don’t use — the list goes on. One popular member regularly gives away extra bagels (local hero!). My most recent acquisition was a bunch of baby spider plants from an indoor gardening enthusiast who is propagating her plants and who — it turns out — lives across the street from me. It can be a nice way to meet neighbors with shared interests, which is part of the project’s ethos: “A gift economy’s real wealth is the people involved and the web of connections that forms to support them.”

I’ve found it to be an especially fabulous resource for new parents like me, since babies grow out of (or grow tired of) everything in just a few short months — onesies, shoes, toys, feeding gear — and a Buy Nothing group creates a pipeline to people in a similar life stage as you and who also live near you. It’s way easier than holding a yard sale and preferable to plopping a box of stuff on the sidewalk with a “FREE” sign and hoping for the best.

Life is fluid and ever-changing, but most of our stuff outlives its utility. I’ve really embraced the idea of letting things go when I no longer need them. My place isn’t Marie Kondo–level tidy — and probably never will be — but a Facebook group that facilitates free, no-landfill decluttering really can spark joy.

—Venessa Wong

20. #great-tweets — Free

This feels kind of like cheating because this isn’t a product that normies can access. Also it’s not new: I’ve been using it for the last two-and-a-half years at BuzzFeed News, when in my first week here someone showed me its greatness and my world perspective was forever changed. With this product — or more aptly place — the 473 people who can see it will on any given day find memes about Baby Yoda, a listing for a toddler’s (unused) Minion coffin, wedding photos from the holy matrimony between two water coolers, and screenshots of an influencer tanning their perineum, a.k.a. “buttchugging sunlight”. And that was all just on a random Monday in November.

This wonderful watering hole of content is known within BuzzFeed as #great-tweets, a Slack channel open to everyone at the company where folks pop in to just share really good tweets. There’s little conversation — save for the emoji reactions that fellow great-tweeters use to express their gratitude or disgust — and each day it’s a continuous stream of hits, 10 to 15 of the funniest, weirdest, nastiest things taken from the blue bird hellsite that most of us here spend too much time on. Maybe the tweets have been ripped from another platform (TikTok is a pretty popular source these days). Maybe the tweets have already gone superviral. But they are our great tweets, and we love them.

While I feel a little dirty sharing the existence of my colleague’s secret space with the public, #great-tweets is just that good. After spending some pretty terrible days online at work, I’ve spent many a night lying in bed laughing my ass off because someone shared a tweet with a hypothetical conversation between a cat and an octopus in a standoff, or a cow wearing a VR headset. It’s one of the few things that I know can consistently bring me joy on the web and I hope when I go, I too will be memorialized in the channel.

—Ryan Mac

21. Neato Botvac D7 — $599.99

One of the best things to happen to my family in 2019 was Kevin, the robotic vacuum cleaner. Kevin is a BOTVAC D7, and he is a cleaning monster in a household of 4 sloppy humans, 2 sloppier dogs, and a cat aghast at their collective sloppiness. When my home is dirty, I summon Kevin from my phone. Kevin is always ready to clean. He is very good with dust and dirt, and — crucially — his blade-and-bristle brush makes short work of dog hair, which is in issue in home with 200 lbs. of doggo, where things can go from relatively clean to dog park very quickly. When Kevin gets stuck or encounters an insurmountable obstacle, he messages me asking for help. It feels stupid to say it, but I find this adorable. Part of this is because that help typically involves picking Kevin up like a baby and relocating him to an easier navigate area. And part of it is because afterwards Kevin will message me again noting — like a dorky little grade school cartographer — that he has updated his map of my home. Two things here: 1. Kevin uses exclamation points! 2. I can use this map to create zones for targeted cleaning (kitchen, dog bowl area) and also out-of-bounds areas for Kevin to ignore (dog bed, dog). My home is a small one, so Kevin’s advertised battery life of 120 minutes has always been plenty. He automatically switches cleaning modes when running on wood, carpet, or tile. Typically, there is no (to little) visible dog hair on those surfaces when Kevin is in town. Kevin’s lone flaw, as best I can tell, is that his dirt bin can be easily overwhelmed during spring “blow,” but in a house with these two, who wouldn’t be.

—John Paczkowsi

Sahred From Source link Technology

from WordPress http://bit.ly/35CgFQu via IFTTT

[sunkissis]

Bonjour,

My sweet friend Karilyn who is a travel blogger at No Back Home, asked me to share my top twenty things to do in Paris with kids. Firstly, I’d like to dissuade the notion that traveling with kids can be a bummer. Non! If you are planning for a horrible time, you will end up miserable but prep yourself in advance for those unexpected meltdowns and keep these tips up your sleeve and you’ll be asking yourself why didn’t we travel with our kids sooner?

We got Liv’s first passport when she was three, now she is nine, she has traveled to twelve countries, far more than Antz and I travelled by her age! So, let me help you make your traveling with kids blues fade away by following my guide to Paris.

I don’t travel anywhere without these must-haves:

Multi-function backpack – I cannot walk around all day with a purse. It never works for me, I carry too much stuff and I love to be hands-free so I carry this Goodordering backpack/tote. This has been my go-to travel bag for two years now. It has padded straps so it doesn’t hurt my shoulders and I love the extra pockets in the front to hold tickets and extra camera batteries. I use the side pockets for my water bottle and umbrella which you will read more about below. Invest in a reliable travel bag! I’ve seen too many Mom’s struggling with bulky diaper bags and flimsy purses.

Anti-bacterial Wipes – Always handy with kids, I’m not a germaphobe but public spaces can be gross, so it’s always wise to have these on you for wiping ice cream filled faces.

A scarf – I have used a scarf as a picnic blanket in the park, to wrap my hair up on a windy day and covered myself up when visiting a church out of respect. I have this lightweight one from J.Crew.

Water bottle – There are lovely public water fountains all over Paris. Having a water bottle is essential to surviving a long day in Paris with kids.

Cell phone chargers – I have one for each of us because we play Pokemon Go, the Flash Invaders app and taking photos quickly drains our battery power. This one works great. Bonus: If you are an Invader fan, check out my Instagram stories.

Kids Headphones – If you are planning a long road trip, these are a necessity! Now that Liv is older, she prefers to listen to her own music and we can crank our old people tunes without any side-eyes from her. Plus I rather use my own headphones during guided tours than use the cheap ones they give you. Liv uses these.

Snacks! – This one is a must-have for kids. Liv gets cranky when she’s hungry and Parisian restaurants close from 3pm – 7pm so I always have apples, nuts or granola in my backpack.

Small, travel size umbrella – I strongly recommend bringing an umbrella, even during the summer, the sky has been known to suddenly start pouring and it’s so frequent you will be happier you had it than not.

Backpack for your little one – I always let Liv pack a bag with her camera, a few books for long rides, her special lip gloss, a few small toys and her phone and charger. It makes her feel like she’s a big kid having her own things to bring when we travel. She has a Fjallraven Kanken backpack which was expensive but she’s had it for going on five years now.

I bought Liv her own instant camera and it has been a game changer for our trips. She loves playing photographer and it helps keep her busy when we are at museums or art galleries when she would normally run wild.

A retractable selfie stick – This one may be controversial. I really hate seeing these sticks all over touristy landmarks however, too many times I have ended up with no family photos or blurry, horrible photos taken by a stranger so I have given in to the selfie stick peer-pressure. This one is strongly recommended by my friend Kelly, who used it during her three month sabbatical while traveling solo. It has a built-in tripod and a remote. Just be aware most popular museums do no allow tripods or selfie-sticks.

Please keep in mind, you must say “Bonjour” when entering a business, to the bus driver or before speaking to any Parisian, not speaking first is considered rude. It’s always a good habit to teach your little ones how to say Hello, Goodbye and Thank you in the language of the country you are traveling to.

Okay, now that you are all prepped and ready to go, here’s the first stop.

Metro station (any Metro station)

You may think walking is the best way to get around Paris but the city is huge and little feet get tired fast. If you pop into any Metro station you can buy a book of 10 tickets (called a carnet) which can be used on the trains and buses. I prefer taking a bus around the city so you can sitesee and enjoy a relaxing ride to your destination. The French public transportation is very easy to navigate and convenient. They even have the arrival times posted on most bus stops. Believe me, you will be doing plenty of walking later.

Jardin des Tuileries Place de la Concorde, 75001 Paris

This is the Parisian equivalent to Central Park, located near the Louvre museum. Here you will find something for all ages. Playgrounds and sculptures are scattered throughout the impeccably manicured tree lined paths. During the summer and winter months there is a fun fair with games and carnival rides. You will find a carousel, snack stands, a puppet theater and my daughter’s favorite, the trampolines! They cost a few euros for 15 minutes of jumping so make sure you have cash on you.

The museum de l’Orangerie is located in the south end of the garden which houses the impressive Claude Monet Water Lilies.

Jardin du Luxembourg 6eme arrondissement Closes at 4:30 pm during the winter months

This is another popular park, it’s massive and lovely. There’s so much to see here you can easily spend a whole afternoon there! The most fun thing for kids is renting a sailboat and spending 30 minutes playing captain of the sea. Don’t worry, I am referring to a small toy boat and you get a stick to launch it into a lake. Each boat has a different country flag so be sure to choose one that you can tell you little one about.

Liv chose Mexico which is where her Grandmother Maria was born. There are pony rides, ice cream vendors and stunning gardens, please be aware, you cannot walk on the grass here and you will get whistled at by security if you do!

Try the snails at Cafe Charlot 38 Rue de Bretagne, 75003 Paris 7 am – 2 am

I know, your kids are probably like mine and will only eat buttered pasta or chicken fingers but I dare you to test their taste buds by ordering escargot at this trendy cafe in the Marais. Our kid refused to try them until we moved here, then she discovered all her French friends ate them, now she loves them. It is open all day, everyday (which is rare) and the waiters are very friendly towards Americans. I tend to opt for an early dinner so we are dining before the restaurant gets too busy and there isn’t much room for drama. Plus I like to get the best table for photos, of course. Be sure to grab a seat inside if you don’t want to be near the smokers and order a Saint Germain cocktail like the cool Parisians do.

Cité des sciences et de l’industrie/City of Science & Industry 30 Avenue Corentin Cariou, 75019 Paris

If your kid is a science geek like mine, this place is for them. There is a science museum, exploratorium, IMAX movie theater and VR experience. The entire area is perfect for kids with a park, boat rides on the canals and a small carnival. Try to go during the week so it’s less crowded.

See the Eiffel Tower sparkle at night! Champ de Mars, 5 Avenue Anatole France, 75007 Paris

It is a no-brainer if you come to Paris you must see the incredible Tour Eiffel! Yet, I don’t want you to miss the nightly sparkle of the tower. There are always large crowds at the tower and the adjacent Trocadero but much less in the evening. Please note, you can no longer go underneath the tower without going through a long security check line so plan to be there ahead of time. The tower sparkles from sunset every hour until 1 am, it’s magical.

Princess Crepe 3 Rue des Ecouffes, 75004 Paris

What is better than a Parisian crepe? A Harajuku/Japanese crepe! This tiny place is nestled in the Marais and often has a line of people outside. Try the cheesecake and strawberries crepe, you’ll love it. Definitely Olivia approved.

Disneyland Paris Boulevard de Parc, 77700 Coupvray

Liv insisted I add the happiest place on Earth to this list. I will say, I adore Disneyland and it is much less crowded than the one in California. We take the RER A train from Chatelet/Les Halles station which takes about an hour to arrive at the Disneyland station. They have most of the same rides as the US Disneyland but with a European flair. Jack Sparrow charmingly speaks French on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. There is a Queen of Hearts labyrinth maze. I have heard they even have a pineapple whip (similar to Dole Whip) but it’s only available during the summer. The lines are much shorter and there is a seperate Walt Disney Studios park that is very cool.

Montmartre Village/the majestic Sacre-Coeur Basilica 1 Parvis du Sacré-Cœur, 75018 Paris

Montmartre is arguably the most well-known quarter in Paris. Kids will enjoy taking the funicular up the hill. If you look to the right of the church, you will see a small fence at the bottom of the stairs, you can take this fun photo (slightly tilted) so it looks like the houses are sinking.

Then walk around the street to your left past the funicular, at the corner you will catch a glance of the Eiffel Tower. Keeping walking up the hill and you will arrive in Montmartre village. There you can buy tickets for a ride on the Petit Train de Montmartre which will take you on a tour of the area. I highly recommend it.

Skip the souvenir shops in the village and walk towards square Jehan Rictus to check out the Mur des Je’taime (Wall of I love you).

Afterwards, you can have an unusual dinner experience at…

Le Refuge des Fondus 17 Rue des Trois Frères, 75018 Paris Opens at 7pm (no reservations)

Due to a heavy wine glass tax, this tiny restaurant now serves all drinks in baby bottles. There are two items on the menu; fondue and meat all served with skewers. This place is a total tourist trap that no locals would ever be seen in, but it is such a blast! The table seating is family style so people have to climb over the tables to be seated along the benches. The staff are notoriously mean and rude but I was somehow able to win ours over. He gifted us with a few baby bottles to take as souvenirs.

Angelina 226 Rue de Rivoli, 75001 Paris 10 am – 6 pm

This place is a major tourist attraction but it is worth the wait. Located across the street from Jardin des Tuileries, it is a bakery that specializes in its signature, decadent, hot chocolate. I was so surprised to find out they also have white hot chocolate which is equally good, and I want some now!

The Natural History Museum 57 Rue Cuvier, 75005 Paris

Every town has one and Paris is no exception. There is a fascinating exhibit of the kingdom of animals on the second floor of this vast museum. In another building is Liv’s favorite, gems and minerals. It reminds me of the Natural History museum in Los Angeles and is definitely worth spending the day. It is located in the garden of plants which is especially pretty during the spring. Make sure to stop at the Dodo Manège carousel which has animals that are sadly all now endangered or extinct. There is also a zoo within the jardin des plantes but I recommend the next zoo.

Parc Zoologique de Paris Avenue Daumesnil, 75012 Paris

This zoo is located in the 12eme arrondissement on the outskirts of Paris in the enormous bois des Vincennes. I had low expectations for Parc Zoologique because in my opinion, there is no better zoo than the San Diego zoo, so I was delighted to see animals I have never seen in person before. LIKE A SLOTH! I could have stayed there all day watching this sweet guy move in slow motion. We went on a very hot day so we had to keep moving. Antz took a photo of a spider bigger than my hand but I won’t subject you to that nightmare. Kids will definitely love the animal feedings so be sure to check the schedule.

Choose your own Adventure Sports Saber League 46 Rue du Faubourg Saint-Martin, 75010 Paris

This one is perfect for days you are feeling burnt out on museums and crowds. We like to ask Liv if she could pick one thing to do, what would it be? She was asking about fencing for awhile but the classes were the same day and time as her ballet so I found a similar alternative, Star Wars LightSaber fencing. There is a beginners class on Saturdays and they provide you with a lightsaber if you didn’t pack yours. Antz and Liv did it for two hours and loved it. It’s nice to ask your kids what they want to do because you may find something you wouldn’t have thought to do.

Sip mulled cider at the Christmas Market Tuileries Christmas Market Marche de Noel La Defense (the biggest one in Paris)

There are several markets throughout Paris that are open during the holidays. I have only been to two, La Defense and Jardin des Tuileries, but there are several within the city. There are booths like a farmers market selling Christmas homemade goods, gifts and food. There are raclette booths which are huge wheels of gooey cheese that are melted and dripped onto bread. The market at the Tuileries has rides and an ice skating rink. It’s a must do if you are in Paris during the holidays. Mamma’s be sure to try the hot wine “vin chaud“, it’s mind-blowingly good.

Eat dessert American style in Paris Rue d’Aboukir, 75002 Paris

We love our neighborhood which has a delightful American expat community. We have gotten to know many of the kind business owners at Boneshaker Donuts, Jean Hwang Currant cookies and Stoney Clove Bakery. Please make sure to let them know that Elizabeth sent you there! You will find every type of cuisine on a stroll down the famous rue Montorgueil. We love picking up a kilo (a French pound) of cherries to snack on during the summer.

Musée des Arts et Métiers 60 Rue Réaumur, 75003 Paris

Super cool, off the beaten path, museum of technology and mechanics. Your kids will love the room full of antique trains, cars and machinery. This museum is never crowded and will captivate your child’s imagination. We have been twice and still haven’t seen everything it has to offer.

Rougier et Plé (awesome art supply store) 15 Boulevard des Filles du Calvaire, 75003 Paris (there are several other locations)

After all those visits to the art museums  your young artists must be feeling inspired, so I recommend stopping by this mega store to pick up a few art supplies. A small paint palette, a canvas and a brush is all you will need. Then head over to Île Saint-Louis (located on an island behind Notre Dame Cathedral) and spend an afternoon painting the dreamy Paris landscape along the Seine.

Berthillon Glacier Rue Jean du Bellay, 75004 Paris

Then stop by Berthillon for the best ice cream in town. Any of the brasseries on the corner of rue Jean du Bellay sells it. There is a fancy restaurant that sells it around the corner too.

Go on a bike ride along Canal Saint Martin (for older kiddos)

Download the Uber app – If you click the bicycle icon it will show you on a map where the Jump by Uber bikes are located. You can’t miss them with their cool, bright red paint. Once you scan them with your phone, you are all set to hit the bike lanes that run along the trendy Canal Saint Martin. The bikes are electric so it’s a smooth and easy cruise while soaking in the beauty of the canals. There’s also a two hour boat cruise that will take you through the canals many locks.

Get Lost! – The best part of visiting Paris is wandering the cobblestone streets, you will always find something fun to do. There are so many photo booths (they make great souvenirs) and carousels scattered around the city. A few of my favorite kids stores to check out.

Bonton Smallable Petit Pan Tartine et Chocolat Village JouéClub Shakespeare and Company (English bookstore)

Bonus – Pre-Negotiate a deal with your kids for buying souvenirs I have to add this because I have been there and know what a downer it is when your kid sees a gift shop and the begging commences. I worked out two options for Liv which has saved me from many tantrums. She collects souvenir coins which are mostly found in churches and museums all over Europe. So far she has over 30 coins! They cost €2, and she knows she can have one so she doesn’t ask for everything in the shop. The second option is when she finds something she cannot resist (which is everytime) she can pay for it with her own money. This has been a great solution because she earns money by doing chores at home. She has learned to save and not do much impulse shopping.

A few years before we moved abroad I bought Liv a toy set of world landmarks from Michaels. I also bought these two books, Maps and This is the World, which are informative and beautifully illustrated, to research our trips. We now collect landmarks from most of the cities we have visited. They all are under 2 inches tall so they fit in her Maptote travel bag.

Always have fun!

Lizzie

Elizabeth is a stay-at-home-Mom/blogger/tour guide offering custom walking tours of Paris at Mon Ami Paree. She is a francophile who is (slowly) learning French, adores traveling and documenting her colorful family’s adventures on her blog, Violently Happy. 

  20 Rad Things to do/explore/eat in Paris (with kids!) Bonjour, My sweet friend Karilyn who is a travel blogger at No Back Home, asked me to share my top twenty things to do in Paris with kids.

[purplesurveys]

444

What may we call you?: Robyn is fine.

When can we send you a birthday card? (Figuratively, of course.): April 21st.

And, where are you calling from? (Again, figuratively.): Somewhere in the Philippines, but you don’t need to know the details.

What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack?: I only know Twinkies and I loved it the one time I tried some, so I guess that would be my default favorite?

Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf?: Always bagged. There aren’t any bakeries nearby, and the brand we buy from is already good anyway.

White, wheat or other?: White, I don’t think I eat any other type.

Have you ever fixed something without knowing just how you did it?: I’m sure I’ve done it a few times before, I just can’t give specific cases right now.

Do store brands actually taste the same?: I don’t know about the States, but local store brands are usually suckier so we never buy those.

Quick! Grab the closest book to you, open to page 5 and type the first line: I don’t have any book nearby, I’m in a coffee shop and I just brought my laptop :/

What was the last non-fiction book you’ve read? (Not a school textbook!): Oh I have no idea. Probably AJ’s autobiography, which I never get tired of reading.

Do you make surveys or just take them?: Just take them. I’m not ~creative enough to come up with new random questions that no one has encountered before.

When was the last time you were on a plane?: February or Marchish this year, I don’t actually remember since this semester was such a blur. 

Where were you going and why?: We went to a small island down south. Went to the beach and stuff. Family vacation.

What’s the best news you’ve gotten lately?: I passed my econ class. It’s my lowest grade so far in my time in university, but at least I didn’t fail and at least I don’t have to redo the course.

^And, the worst?: Someone I know’s thesis has not been approved and he might not graduate this semester.

How is 2010 treating you so far, anyway?: Wow, a 9 year old survey. Life was shit at the time uhhhhhh no friends, peak loneliness, hated by family. Plus I was 12 and puberty hormones were raging. I was just mad at the world.

If you could invent something, what would it be?: I was just telling Gabie that I wanted a tumbler that was able to hold two drinks haha. I had the idea because I brought the equivalent of two cups of coffee in my tumbler to school once, but my chest started to hurt and there was nowhere to drink water so I was stuck with a pounding chest and palpitating hands for my classes.

Tell me about your favorite pair of pants.: They’re kinda high-waist, ripped, mom jeans. It’s super casual and matches with any top.

Do you like getting dressed up?: It’s always a good idea!

Would you rather receive (or give) flowers, chocolates or jewelry?: Any of these would be nice so long as it was sincere.

Do you drink Vitamin Water?: Nope.

^If yes, what flavor is your favorite?:

What color are your headphones/earbuds?: I lost my earphones like 8 months ago :( They were white.

Is your technology up to date?: I think so. My laptop is a little old but it’s still working fine; and I think an iPhone 8 can still be considered pretty recent.

Ever been stuck next to someone really annoying on a LONG plane/train ride?: I wouldn’t call it annoying but the last time I was on a plane, the guy beside me was asleep from boarding to touchdown. He was snoring the whole time, too. It was super distracting and kept me from just having a peaceful flight.

What sound just drives you crazy?: When metal utensils scrape against a plate, or against each other.

Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public?: Yes I think so. I get embarrassed when I wake myself up snoring lmaoaoaoo so it’d be worse if I did it in public and someone else had to point it out to me.

Do you embarrass easily?: Y E S

Why were you embarrassed last?: Gabie paid for dinner tonight because I had no money left for the week.

Are you afraid of heights?: Not really. I find it cool to be seeing so much stuff from the top.

What is a compliment you get most often?: Either on my work ethic or my skin.

Tell me about the last frightening/weird dream you had.: We were stuck in a classroom being held hostage by the military, who were all just surrounded outside the room with guns, ready to shoot. All the lights were out and we were trying to stay as quiet as we can so that we don’t provoke the people with the guns.

Now, about the last pleasant dream you had.: I don’t remember; I usually forget the dreams that aren’t scary.

Do you feel guilty about killing bugs?: No. I hate bugs. Sorry, I know it makes me a bad animal lover, but almost all the bugs in the Philippines are fucking pests so I’ve grown to hate them.

If there is a spider in your room, will you be up all night knowing that?: Nah, I’d ask my mom to kill it.

Is there a trait typical to your gender that doesn’t apply to you?: I dunno...I hate wearing makeup? This is generalizing though, so I don’t know how to answer this properly.

How do you feel about coconut?: I only love coconut milk in my soups. Otherwise, I’ve always found coconut to be weird-tasting; plus I hate the weird crunchy texture of it.

^ Ever cracked one open?: Nope. But I honestly should have done so at least once being that the Philippines is rich in coconuts lol.

If you like someone, what do you do?: Listen to them; find out the things they like and strike up a conversation with them.

If you DON’T like someone, what do you do?: Ignore them for the most part.

What do you feel most insecure about?: Hahahahaha, doing anything that requires me to be creative. Poster-making, conceptualizing ads, making sketches...I always pass them off to someone who can make them better than I could.

Crash into water or an open field? D:: Both hurt like hell...can I opt not to crash at all?

What’s the best thing about being your gender?: Periods will always be a guilt-free reason to eat whatever the fuck we want. ^ And the worst thing?: Men.

Do you do your part to save the earth?: Yesssss I always try to do my part.

Does it ROYALLY piss you off when your intended username is already taken?: Well it’s never happened to me since my default username (I’ve been using it since 2010-ish I think) is pretty unique. 

What color do you wear most often?: Black or white. For sure.

What’s the most you’ve spent on a pair of sunglasses?: I don’t really like sunglasses.

^Or, ladies, what about a purse?: I’m not into spoiling myself with girl stuff like purse or bags. The only purse I own was a gift from family in the States.

Actually, what’s the most expensive clothing item/accessory you own?: Probably one of my shoes.

Who do you think should have their portrait on a bill?: Ramon Magsaysay.

What is your favorite spoken language to listen to?: Spanish and deep Filipino.

How long until you turn 40?: 19.

[adambstingus]

7 Dumb Back To The Future Products You Won’t Believe Existed

A good 80 percent of Cracked’s content is devoted to peeling back the kaleidoscopic layers of WTF-ness contained within Back To The Future, but this article isn’t about that. Nope, this is about an even more ridiculous topic: the many confounding ways people tried to squeeze big bucks out of the Back To The Future flicks.

This ordinary tale of a time-travelling eccentric and his pet teenager has spawned such baffling shit as …

#7. The Back To The Future Cartoon Was A Fucking Crazy Parade

As we’ve mentioned before on the site, Doc Brown’s character-concluding decision to father children with a historically dead woman and blast through time in a screeching lightning train was reckless at best. And so it’s only natural that the 1991 Back To The Future TV show would follow the horrific mishaps of this family, sandwiched with live-action science demonstrations by Christopher Lloyd and an oddly mute Bill Nye.

They’re like the Penn and Teller of mad science.

But despite its audience of the young and curious, an average episode of Back To The Future: The Animated Series played out like Rick And Morty episodes Adult Swim rejected for being too bleak. Don’t believe us? The pilot for the series starts with Doc’s younger son Verne stealing the time machine and traveling to the Civil War … followed by Doc finding a photo revealing that little Verne died for the Confederate Army.

“But hey, it says here that the Alabama chapter of the KKK is named in his honor.”

Doc eventually prevents this by creating a truce between Verne’s Confederate pals and the Union, and the gang happily flies home like they didn’t just irrevocably alter the outcome of a Civil War battle. That’s basically the story of the series, as Doc, Marty, and Doc’s kids manhandle historical moments while Doc’s wife Clara waits back home with sandwiches.

In the third goddamn episode, Doc brings his kids to the very moment the dinosaurs are wiped out by a meteor, saving the group by hastily stopping the comet and changing the future into a lizard-ruled wasteland. (One of said lizards looks like Biff, implying that a Tannen once fucked a dinosaur.)

This means that Doc is forced to go back and kill the dinosaurs himself, re-altering his actions so that the meteor gets back on a collision course with Earth … but not before one of his kids befriends a scared pterodactyl. So how does Doc handle this unfortunate attachment? Obviously, the rest of the series would involve the group goofing around with their adopted dino friend. I mean, otherwise, he’d have to …

… tear his son from the sobbing grasp of a doomed animal …

… stuff him into the time machine and fly away …

This also serves as the official series finale for The Flintstones.

… and watch as the comet tears through the atmosphere and vaporizes the boy’s dinosaur pal. That’s seriously what happens in the special “watch all the dinosaurs die” episode of this nightmare series. Happy Saturday morning, assholes!

#6. A Japanese Video Game Made BTTF 2 Into Crazy-Ass Anime

Anyone who played the early Back To The Future Nintendo games knows that whoever made them clearly didn’t bother to see the movies. Either that, or Back To The Future Part III cut a scene in which Marty ingests a crazy amount of peyote and starts seeing mutant cow men everywhere.

Presumably named “Beef Tannen.”

The Japan-only Back To The Future Part II Super Famicom game, on the other hand, tried to follow the plot of movie … and somehow ended up being even weirder. You control Marty, who spends the entire time on his hoverboard — because, realistically speaking, if you owned a hoverboard, why the fuck would you ever not be flying around on it?

The game starts on a grimly prescient note, with trigger-happy 2015 cops shooting at Marty for no apparent reason.

When we reach the alternate 1985, Marty goes around fighting disoriented crackheads, mistaking their agonized gasps for taunting chicken noises. Marty then discovers his murdered father’s tombstone, and he … seems pretty copacetic with this development, all things considered.

Doc, on the other hand, turns into an angry pink Gollum.

If you’ve ever wanted to see these iconic moments reimagined as demented Sailor Moon episodes, you’re in luck. When Marty discovers the 1950s girlie mag instead of the sports almanac, the mere sight of boobs gives him a stroke.

Which is weird, because this is after meeting his mother’s gargantuan dystopian breasts. Marty’s perma-smirk in that scene is somehow even creepier than when he was standing at his dead dad’s grave.

Also, why are they in the Technodrome?

By the time Biff seemingly vampire-bites the almanac away from Marty and gets covered in a sea of 16-bit horseshit, you’ll probably never see Back To The Future the same way ever again.

“I won’t close my mouth. I deserve this.”

And speaking of which …

#5. A Hot Wheels Biff Car … Complete With Manure

There aren’t a ton of Back To The Future toys, but the ones that do exist are mostly DeLorean-based. There’s a DeLorean Lego set, a remote-control DeLorean, and even a Power-Wheels-esque DeLorean for ’80s kids whose parents wanted them to explore their confused Oedipal feelings outside the house.

Sadly, this kid was easily taken out by Libyan terrorists.

So it’s only natural that the DeLorean be adopted by stalwart toy car company Hot Wheels. Recently, the company decided to expand their Back To The Future line to include not only Doc’s DeLorean …

Oh, sorry. Doc’s “Time Machine of Indeterminate Brand.”

And Marty’s sweet 4×4 …

“Complete with two coats of wax and Fat Biff’s tears!”

And even Biff Tannen’s Ford Super Deluxe Converti– oh, shit.

You can get a non-poopy version for an extra $300.

Yes, they produced a beautiful classic automobile overflowing with rancid manure, as seen in that scene and that other scene and that variation of the scene. It looks like an amusing Internet Photoshop job, but it’s a real toy which you could go buy right now … or, you know, make at home yourself with a toy car and some laxatives.

Couldn’t Hot Wheels have mass-produced Doc’s hover-train? Or one of those kickass police cars from 2015? Nope. Instead, we get the shit-encrusted rapemobile. Think of all the ways kids could play with this. “Oh no, Biff’s car got covered in manure … again …” Assuming your kid even knows what Back To The Future is, how are they supposed to integrate Biff’s car with their other Hot Wheels products?

“Yes! The race is delayed due to track turds!”

#4. ZZ Top Turns All The Characters Into Ogling Creeps

Along with “The Power of Love,” Huey Lewis and the News wrote “Back In Time,” the surprisingly engaged recounting of the events of Back To The Future from Marty’s perspective. Sadly, we were less lucky with ZZ Top’s “Doubleback,” a jabbering spray of temporally-themed rhymes in no way related to the third film.

The one band you’d think you could trust to hitch their beer-drinking, hell-raising wagon to Wake-Up Juice, but noooooo.

Now, “Doubleback” is a fucking abomination, an artistic charley horse clearly farted out 12 minutes from the studio call time. But then there’s the music video, which superimposes the band into random clips from the movie in such a disjointed, cookie cutter way that it comes alive like a serial killer’s scrapbook.

GOOF: ZZ Top were only teenagers in 1885, so they shouldn’t have beards yet.

It’s everyone’s third-favorite time travel movie, perpetually interrupted with the looming presence of three guys who look like the personification of bathroom assault. By the end, they’re literally sticking their faces over the action so that we don’t forget to be bummed out by their existence.

We’re all for them supplanting Marty’s mom in this scene to make it less creepy, though.

But the weird stuff begins when this monochromatic onslaught changes the movie’s finale to include a pimped-out ride randomly rolling into Marty’s standoff with Mad Dog Tannen …

… and releasing three jean-short bombshells of various ’90s fabric patterns and foxy accessories, to which the movie’s characters react with stock disbelief appropriated from the original scene.

OK, we have to admit that these guys clean up nicely when they shave.

That’s right — Doc reacting to Marty’s fakeout death is the same expression as his boner face. Or maybe he’s wondering how a Cadillac Sedanette went back in time without a bunch of nonsense sticking out of its hood. Either way: boner.

#3. Pizza Hut’s Back To The Future Ads Are Rather Sad In Retrospect

Having the ability to engorge on a puck of meat and cheese has been every child’s dream since Marty’s mom hydrated a Pizza Hut pizza in Back To The Future II.

The most fantastic concept here is a 2015 pizza without a gimmicky crust.

So delicious. At least, if you ignore the fact that eating a waterlogged dough slice sounds like a fucking nightmare, and that the Pizza Hut of this future solely makes the equivalent of microwave meals. In fairness, the brand’s own advertising campaign had a slightly different take on their role in the future:

Their kinder, gentler take on Robocop was probably their lamest (and most inaccurate) prediction of all.

According to one 1989 commercial, the Pizza Huts of 2015 are built like techno mosques. It makes sense in the context of the ad, which begins with two unknown ruffians taking the DeLorean out for a spin, presumably after swiping the keys from Doc Brown’s ransacked corpse.

To save you 15 minutes on IMDb: It’s Mikey from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.

The ne’er-do-wells zoom to 2015, where, to the sad grumbles of their stomachs, they find the streets barren of any pizza eateries, as Domino’s has long been converted into a hardware chain. Luckily, there’s still one place in business, and it’s the all-hail Pizza Hut temple.

The Noid was executed after a show trial in ’94.

It’s unclear why a restaurant that makes cookie-sized products needs multiple neon spires, but it probably has to do with the announcer’s assertion that, even in the future, Pizza Hut is the “only one place to get a great pizza.” The fact that Pizza Hut was envisioning an all-exclusive Demolition Man scenario with their brand is made that much more heartbreaking by the company’s actual 2015 situation:

Also depressing: the current state of journalism, since no one realized this graphic should be a pie chart.

Turns out that all the movie projector pizza boxes and eye-tracking tablet menus in the world can’t get us to that Utopian Italian palace where dressing like it’s the ’80s is still hip and (according to another tie-in ad) absolutely everyone wears futuristic solar shades.

The nuclear fallout has melted all of our eyes by now.

#2. Doc Brown Teamed Up With Doogie Howser For Earth Day

Back in 1990, people were really committed to saving the environment … as long as the extent of that commitment was appearing in some kind of extravagant TV special instead of cutting back on fossil fuels. Regardless, this newly-discovered sense of eco-awareness led to one of the craziest moments in pop culture: The Earth Day Special.

The special starred a slew of wacky creatures, like the Muppets and Danny DeVito and E.T., who looks to have been living in a filthy alley since the events of his film.

He’ll touch you with his “magic finger” for $5 and some Reese’s Pieces.

Since this was the year that Back To The Future Part III came out, Doc Brown naturally joined the cross-promotional fray. Who better to promote environmental activism than a guy who hoards large quantities of plutonium in a garage in a residential neighborhood?

The loose plot of the special is about the personification of Mother Earth dying. Doc Brown shows up in his DeLorean and offers his assistance to the doctor in charge of healing Mrs. Earth — who, because this was 1990, is Doogie Fucking Howser.

“Not even Edward James Olmos’ mustache could revive her.” “We’re doomed.”

Doc whips out his suitcase TV and shows them footage of how screwed over the Earth is, which is kind of a dick move, considering how she’s right over there. It doesn’t help that the clips are seemingly stock footage pretentiously edited together by first-year film students.

“What are those ladies doing with that cup …?” “Whoops, wrong year.”

As always, Doc ends up finding the solution: science! Not any specific science but, like, the act of reading and shit. Look, it was 6 a.m. and someone wanted to finish that goddamn children’s TV show script already.

#1. The Back To The Future Novelization Gets Dark

Movie novelizations are generally terrible, but the one for Back To The Future takes it to a whole new level. It’s the Back To The Future of bad literary cash-ins.

“What do you mean it’s not about a kid with a camera who farts fireworks?” — the author, probably

The book opens with a vivid description of a dead family getting bent out of shape by the detonation of a nuclear bomb, which turns out to be a scene from a film Marty is watching. This never comes up again in the book — because the author is too busy thinking up even crazier, tangentially BTTF-related shit. For instance, we get a scene featuring the Libyan terrorists casually hanging out in a shitty motel, which answers the question you always had: Yes, one of them is a psychotic former fashion model.

You can only be told to look “sexy like tiger” so many times before something inside snaps.

And she doesn’t mind offing Doc Brown because he … “looks Jewish.”

Doc goes commando in his jumpsuits in this version.

Even when it’s a scene we recognize from the movie, the author’s prose manages to make everything seem a tiny bit seedier:

Not that “Let’s hire your attempted rapist as our live-in manservant” is any less creepy.

The novel also features the most disturbing context for the phrase “giggled naughtily” in all of fiction:

A parent’s naughty giggling is typically reason #1 Protective Services gives when taking away their child.

The whole book is so bizarre and creepy that it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that it was imported from the shitty alternate 1985. And we’re only scratching the surface here. A whole other book could be written just pointing out all the fucked up moments, page by page. Did we say “could”? We meant “someone on the Internet did exactly that.”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/7-dumb-back-to-the-future-products-you-wont-believe-existed/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181924707857

[allofbeercom]

7 Dumb Back To The Future Products You Won’t Believe Existed

A good 80 percent of Cracked’s content is devoted to peeling back the kaleidoscopic layers of WTF-ness contained within Back To The Future, but this article isn’t about that. Nope, this is about an even more ridiculous topic: the many confounding ways people tried to squeeze big bucks out of the Back To The Future flicks.

This ordinary tale of a time-travelling eccentric and his pet teenager has spawned such baffling shit as …

#7. The Back To The Future Cartoon Was A Fucking Crazy Parade

As we’ve mentioned before on the site, Doc Brown’s character-concluding decision to father children with a historically dead woman and blast through time in a screeching lightning train was reckless at best. And so it’s only natural that the 1991 Back To The Future TV show would follow the horrific mishaps of this family, sandwiched with live-action science demonstrations by Christopher Lloyd and an oddly mute Bill Nye.

They’re like the Penn and Teller of mad science.

But despite its audience of the young and curious, an average episode of Back To The Future: The Animated Series played out like Rick And Morty episodes Adult Swim rejected for being too bleak. Don’t believe us? The pilot for the series starts with Doc’s younger son Verne stealing the time machine and traveling to the Civil War … followed by Doc finding a photo revealing that little Verne died for the Confederate Army.

“But hey, it says here that the Alabama chapter of the KKK is named in his honor.”

Doc eventually prevents this by creating a truce between Verne’s Confederate pals and the Union, and the gang happily flies home like they didn’t just irrevocably alter the outcome of a Civil War battle. That’s basically the story of the series, as Doc, Marty, and Doc’s kids manhandle historical moments while Doc’s wife Clara waits back home with sandwiches.

In the third goddamn episode, Doc brings his kids to the very moment the dinosaurs are wiped out by a meteor, saving the group by hastily stopping the comet and changing the future into a lizard-ruled wasteland. (One of said lizards looks like Biff, implying that a Tannen once fucked a dinosaur.)

This means that Doc is forced to go back and kill the dinosaurs himself, re-altering his actions so that the meteor gets back on a collision course with Earth … but not before one of his kids befriends a scared pterodactyl. So how does Doc handle this unfortunate attachment? Obviously, the rest of the series would involve the group goofing around with their adopted dino friend. I mean, otherwise, he’d have to …

… tear his son from the sobbing grasp of a doomed animal …

… stuff him into the time machine and fly away …

This also serves as the official series finale for The Flintstones.

… and watch as the comet tears through the atmosphere and vaporizes the boy’s dinosaur pal. That’s seriously what happens in the special “watch all the dinosaurs die” episode of this nightmare series. Happy Saturday morning, assholes!

#6. A Japanese Video Game Made BTTF 2 Into Crazy-Ass Anime

Anyone who played the early Back To The Future Nintendo games knows that whoever made them clearly didn’t bother to see the movies. Either that, or Back To The Future Part III cut a scene in which Marty ingests a crazy amount of peyote and starts seeing mutant cow men everywhere.

Presumably named “Beef Tannen.”

The Japan-only Back To The Future Part II Super Famicom game, on the other hand, tried to follow the plot of movie … and somehow ended up being even weirder. You control Marty, who spends the entire time on his hoverboard — because, realistically speaking, if you owned a hoverboard, why the fuck would you ever not be flying around on it?

The game starts on a grimly prescient note, with trigger-happy 2015 cops shooting at Marty for no apparent reason.

When we reach the alternate 1985, Marty goes around fighting disoriented crackheads, mistaking their agonized gasps for taunting chicken noises. Marty then discovers his murdered father’s tombstone, and he … seems pretty copacetic with this development, all things considered.

Doc, on the other hand, turns into an angry pink Gollum.

If you’ve ever wanted to see these iconic moments reimagined as demented Sailor Moon episodes, you’re in luck. When Marty discovers the 1950s girlie mag instead of the sports almanac, the mere sight of boobs gives him a stroke.

Which is weird, because this is after meeting his mother’s gargantuan dystopian breasts. Marty’s perma-smirk in that scene is somehow even creepier than when he was standing at his dead dad’s grave.

Also, why are they in the Technodrome?

By the time Biff seemingly vampire-bites the almanac away from Marty and gets covered in a sea of 16-bit horseshit, you’ll probably never see Back To The Future the same way ever again.

“I won’t close my mouth. I deserve this.”

And speaking of which …

#5. A Hot Wheels Biff Car … Complete With Manure

There aren’t a ton of Back To The Future toys, but the ones that do exist are mostly DeLorean-based. There’s a DeLorean Lego set, a remote-control DeLorean, and even a Power-Wheels-esque DeLorean for ’80s kids whose parents wanted them to explore their confused Oedipal feelings outside the house.

Sadly, this kid was easily taken out by Libyan terrorists.

So it’s only natural that the DeLorean be adopted by stalwart toy car company Hot Wheels. Recently, the company decided to expand their Back To The Future line to include not only Doc’s DeLorean …

Oh, sorry. Doc’s “Time Machine of Indeterminate Brand.”

And Marty’s sweet 4×4 …

“Complete with two coats of wax and Fat Biff’s tears!”

And even Biff Tannen’s Ford Super Deluxe Converti– oh, shit.

You can get a non-poopy version for an extra $300.

Yes, they produced a beautiful classic automobile overflowing with rancid manure, as seen in that scene and that other scene and that variation of the scene. It looks like an amusing Internet Photoshop job, but it’s a real toy which you could go buy right now … or, you know, make at home yourself with a toy car and some laxatives.

Couldn’t Hot Wheels have mass-produced Doc’s hover-train? Or one of those kickass police cars from 2015? Nope. Instead, we get the shit-encrusted rapemobile. Think of all the ways kids could play with this. “Oh no, Biff’s car got covered in manure … again …” Assuming your kid even knows what Back To The Future is, how are they supposed to integrate Biff’s car with their other Hot Wheels products?

“Yes! The race is delayed due to track turds!”

#4. ZZ Top Turns All The Characters Into Ogling Creeps

Along with “The Power of Love,” Huey Lewis and the News wrote “Back In Time,” the surprisingly engaged recounting of the events of Back To The Future from Marty’s perspective. Sadly, we were less lucky with ZZ Top’s “Doubleback,” a jabbering spray of temporally-themed rhymes in no way related to the third film.

The one band you’d think you could trust to hitch their beer-drinking, hell-raising wagon to Wake-Up Juice, but noooooo.

Now, “Doubleback” is a fucking abomination, an artistic charley horse clearly farted out 12 minutes from the studio call time. But then there’s the music video, which superimposes the band into random clips from the movie in such a disjointed, cookie cutter way that it comes alive like a serial killer’s scrapbook.

GOOF: ZZ Top were only teenagers in 1885, so they shouldn’t have beards yet.

It’s everyone’s third-favorite time travel movie, perpetually interrupted with the looming presence of three guys who look like the personification of bathroom assault. By the end, they’re literally sticking their faces over the action so that we don’t forget to be bummed out by their existence.

We’re all for them supplanting Marty’s mom in this scene to make it less creepy, though.

But the weird stuff begins when this monochromatic onslaught changes the movie’s finale to include a pimped-out ride randomly rolling into Marty’s standoff with Mad Dog Tannen …

… and releasing three jean-short bombshells of various ’90s fabric patterns and foxy accessories, to which the movie’s characters react with stock disbelief appropriated from the original scene.

OK, we have to admit that these guys clean up nicely when they shave.

That’s right — Doc reacting to Marty’s fakeout death is the same expression as his boner face. Or maybe he’s wondering how a Cadillac Sedanette went back in time without a bunch of nonsense sticking out of its hood. Either way: boner.

#3. Pizza Hut’s Back To The Future Ads Are Rather Sad In Retrospect

Having the ability to engorge on a puck of meat and cheese has been every child’s dream since Marty’s mom hydrated a Pizza Hut pizza in Back To The Future II.

The most fantastic concept here is a 2015 pizza without a gimmicky crust.

So delicious. At least, if you ignore the fact that eating a waterlogged dough slice sounds like a fucking nightmare, and that the Pizza Hut of this future solely makes the equivalent of microwave meals. In fairness, the brand’s own advertising campaign had a slightly different take on their role in the future:

Their kinder, gentler take on Robocop was probably their lamest (and most inaccurate) prediction of all.

According to one 1989 commercial, the Pizza Huts of 2015 are built like techno mosques. It makes sense in the context of the ad, which begins with two unknown ruffians taking the DeLorean out for a spin, presumably after swiping the keys from Doc Brown’s ransacked corpse.

To save you 15 minutes on IMDb: It’s Mikey from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose.

The ne’er-do-wells zoom to 2015, where, to the sad grumbles of their stomachs, they find the streets barren of any pizza eateries, as Domino’s has long been converted into a hardware chain. Luckily, there’s still one place in business, and it’s the all-hail Pizza Hut temple.

The Noid was executed after a show trial in ’94.

It’s unclear why a restaurant that makes cookie-sized products needs multiple neon spires, but it probably has to do with the announcer’s assertion that, even in the future, Pizza Hut is the “only one place to get a great pizza.” The fact that Pizza Hut was envisioning an all-exclusive Demolition Man scenario with their brand is made that much more heartbreaking by the company’s actual 2015 situation:

Also depressing: the current state of journalism, since no one realized this graphic should be a pie chart.

Turns out that all the movie projector pizza boxes and eye-tracking tablet menus in the world can’t get us to that Utopian Italian palace where dressing like it’s the ’80s is still hip and (according to another tie-in ad) absolutely everyone wears futuristic solar shades.

The nuclear fallout has melted all of our eyes by now.

#2. Doc Brown Teamed Up With Doogie Howser For Earth Day

Back in 1990, people were really committed to saving the environment … as long as the extent of that commitment was appearing in some kind of extravagant TV special instead of cutting back on fossil fuels. Regardless, this newly-discovered sense of eco-awareness led to one of the craziest moments in pop culture: The Earth Day Special.

The special starred a slew of wacky creatures, like the Muppets and Danny DeVito and E.T., who looks to have been living in a filthy alley since the events of his film.

He’ll touch you with his “magic finger” for $5 and some Reese’s Pieces.

Since this was the year that Back To The Future Part III came out, Doc Brown naturally joined the cross-promotional fray. Who better to promote environmental activism than a guy who hoards large quantities of plutonium in a garage in a residential neighborhood?

The loose plot of the special is about the personification of Mother Earth dying. Doc Brown shows up in his DeLorean and offers his assistance to the doctor in charge of healing Mrs. Earth — who, because this was 1990, is Doogie Fucking Howser.

“Not even Edward James Olmos’ mustache could revive her.” “We’re doomed.”

Doc whips out his suitcase TV and shows them footage of how screwed over the Earth is, which is kind of a dick move, considering how she’s right over there. It doesn’t help that the clips are seemingly stock footage pretentiously edited together by first-year film students.

“What are those ladies doing with that cup …?” “Whoops, wrong year.”

As always, Doc ends up finding the solution: science! Not any specific science but, like, the act of reading and shit. Look, it was 6 a.m. and someone wanted to finish that goddamn children’s TV show script already.

#1. The Back To The Future Novelization Gets Dark

Movie novelizations are generally terrible, but the one for Back To The Future takes it to a whole new level. It’s the Back To The Future of bad literary cash-ins.

“What do you mean it’s not about a kid with a camera who farts fireworks?” — the author, probably

The book opens with a vivid description of a dead family getting bent out of shape by the detonation of a nuclear bomb, which turns out to be a scene from a film Marty is watching. This never comes up again in the book — because the author is too busy thinking up even crazier, tangentially BTTF-related shit. For instance, we get a scene featuring the Libyan terrorists casually hanging out in a shitty motel, which answers the question you always had: Yes, one of them is a psychotic former fashion model.

You can only be told to look “sexy like tiger” so many times before something inside snaps.

And she doesn’t mind offing Doc Brown because he … “looks Jewish.”

Doc goes commando in his jumpsuits in this version.

Even when it’s a scene we recognize from the movie, the author’s prose manages to make everything seem a tiny bit seedier:

Not that “Let’s hire your attempted rapist as our live-in manservant” is any less creepy.

The novel also features the most disturbing context for the phrase “giggled naughtily” in all of fiction:

A parent’s naughty giggling is typically reason #1 Protective Services gives when taking away their child.

The whole book is so bizarre and creepy that it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that it was imported from the shitty alternate 1985. And we’re only scratching the surface here. A whole other book could be written just pointing out all the fucked up moments, page by page. Did we say “could”? We meant “someone on the Internet did exactly that.”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/7-dumb-back-to-the-future-products-you-wont-believe-existed/