#trans vax'ildan

[ravenquing]

My boyfriend suggested that I draw my version of Vax'ildan as a mermaid for #mermay and I love how he turned out!

Also yes, the electric eel is Simon - and yes, the seaweed on Vax's chest is meant to represent top surgery scars!

We are Trans Vax Truthers in this house! 🏳️‍⚧️ 💕

[timaeusterrored]

The week I made Vax, I had just come out as trans to family for the first time. It was my uncle, who I’ve been close with since I was a kid. We were sitting outside, looking up at the stars, and I saw a shooting star.

And I told him “if I ever go on testosterone, I hope I don’t look like my dad. That’s my one fear.”

He said back, “I hope you like what you see when you look in the mirror.”

Then he asked me what my name was. There was no crying, no yelling, no arguing. He told my aunt, his wife, and she didn’t question it. She came home from work and started calling me my name.

That was the first time I was ever called ‘nephew’. That was the first time I heard family call me my preferred name and pronouns. They didn’t force me to come out either, they had suspicions but waited until I was ready to say it.

That’s the first time I heard a two year old call me my preferred name even after only knowing my deadname, and I nearly cried when she said it.

And that’s why Vax is so important to me, why this game is so important. No I can’t play it right now, but that doesn’t make it any less special. Vax was the first character I made on a video game after coming out, and I looked at him for a long time. And I said, “I want make what I want to be.’ And I did, I made Vax.

That why he loves the stars. Because that’s what I was looking at when I came out.

Why did I name him Vax? From the podcast that saved my life. Critical Role, Vax is named after Vax’ildan. And his twin sister Vex, or Vex’halia. I don’t know where I’d be without either of them, they both mean the world to me, no matter what happens or why.

That’s why I made Vax.

[blorbologist]

For trans CR headcanons, I've always been fond of both the twins being trans and just switching names with each other.

Also, I'm really into trans Grog. Purely because he's so excited about growing a beard

OHHHHH I love that so much??? Bet you Syldor didn't even notice, if it happened while they were under his roof. Imagine them tripping over their usual lil corrections. "I'm Vax, he's - FUCK. No, wait, I'm Vex, he's Vax. Shut up."

He truly reminds me of my best friend's enthusiasm when his beard started coming in, absolutely 100% we NEED more beefcake trans men in media. His top surgery scars are likely camouflaged with his regular run of the mill ones he has so many of. Grog 1v1'd gender and gender *lost*.

[somewhatsentientspellbook]

Just curious what people's preferences are

[orangehoneybee]

that's it that's the post

[essayofthoughts]

On my laptop but I'm sending you that lil emote in spirit :D

#3! Which, okay, we've kind of discussed before?

Syngorn is shit for basically anyone who isn't an elf, but there's one thing they're at least better about even if it's purely because of their core god, Corellon the Archheart.

Corellon is non-binary.

Consequently, the one thing Syngorn is kind of good about is genderqueerness - that is itself a connection to their highest god, it's something they revere. People who don't fit neatly into the binary or want to cross it are even called Born of the Archheart. Wha's more, per the Tal'Dorei Campaign Guide, there's a set of pathways in Syngorn dedicated to Corellon and it's said that, meditating while walking those paths can grant one a miracle or enable one's transition.

However. I don't think that necessarily puts Syngorn in the clear.

Because... we know Syngorn is full of bigotry. We know their arrogance and sense of superiority. We know how Syngorn thinks half-elves are lesser, for not being fully elven (as though that's the half-elves fault!). We know they're stratified and opinionated and bigoted.

What of genderqueer people who can't afford to spend time in the pathways? Who have to work hard to live and have little free time? Are they allowed time free to try to get that miracle? Or is it expected that if it's true, they'll prove it walking those paths, by being granted that miracle? And- we know the gods are stuck behind the Divine Gate. Even for their clerics for whom they are most able to Divinely intervene, they can't do so always! How often, truly, can Corellon help someone walking their paths asking for help with dysphoria or seeking euphoria? How many people - not just elves, anyone within Syngorn or who goes to Syngorn in hope of this - find their hopes unfulfilled? Find Syngorn going "Well obviously you're not really born of the Archheart if the Archheart won't bless you."

How many people have their lived experience dismissed, because they can't achieve transition in the one (1) way Syngorn considers socially and culturally acceptable?

(How much judgement do those who transition by other means face? How many leave and never look back? How many stay, hoping and hoping? How many stay, hoping, and eventually achieve it, and instead of those around them admitting they were wrong, or them making the choice to argue that their difficulty proves those others wrong, join those others in saying that those who are struggling just aren't trying hard enough? How much bullshit gets internalised?)

I think there's a lot to poke at in that space - I'd be willing to think better of some places if they had this, given what we know (I imagine the Krynn are especially good about genderqueerness given their reincarnation and consecution) but Syngorn has proven itself to be bigoted and those bigots within it unwilling to change their opinions - I struggle to think they could be perfect on this one thing. I think rather they are very realistically fucked up, in ways we see in our own world.

send in “📓” and I’ll roll a d10 and ramble some worldbuilding thoughts

[renegadesfic]

I'm Vax, She's Vex

Another little thing from me! This one is fully self-indulgent and has the twins both being trans, Vex a trans girl and Vax a trans guy. AO3 link is here - send me comments if you like it! Note: there are a couple of lines that mention Syldor being physically abusive, so if that's not something you can stomach even in small quantities, be careful!

Full fic text under the cut.

“You look stupid in a dress.”

Vex’ahlia straightened the fabric out, tugging at the seams to try to loosen the stiff material. It clung tightly to her frame in some places and hung too loose in others, her body starting to grow and change in ways she was already tired of, in ways she’d been dreading since she learned about them. 

“I know, but it’s not like I can go out there in anything else.” She sighed. “You look stupid in that too, that… whatever that is.”

“I think Father called it a tuxedo?” Vax’ildan shrugged, fidgeting with the fabric in a way not dissimilar to how his sister was wriggling and shifting in her too-fancy dress. “Do I look that bad…?”

“Not like, ugly bad. Just weird. It doesn't suit you.”

“I never thought I’d see you in that many sparkles,” Vax giggled, moving to tug at one of the sequins on his sister’s dress. “I wish I could wear it for you…”

“I would wear yours if I could. I hate this thing.” She adjusted it again, wincing as she heard a sudden ripping noise. “Oh, gods, did I-”

“Are the both of you done yet?” That was, of course, their father. It took no effort at all for Vex’ahlia to hate him, not since the day they met - not since the day he stole them away from their mother. Vax’ildan had tried desperately to please him, but it was obvious it wasn't working, his frustration with them ever-present, his distaste clear in every interaction - or lack thereof, Vex couldn’t bring herself to say out loud. 

“Yes, Father,” Vax called from inside the room they were changing in. “We’ll be ready if anyone comes-”

“You had better hope they don’t,” Syldor snapped back. “If anyone comes to speak to you, they’ve already made more mistakes than I can bear. Just keep yourselves quiet and do not, under any circumstances, bother the guests. Understood?”

“Yes, Father,” Vax reiterated. “We won’t.”

“See to it then.” The sound of footsteps could be heard for a few moments down the hall, before their father turned a corner and the footfalls became too far away to hear. As soon as the sound faded, Vax began to cry. Quietly, of course, desperate not to be heard as he had been instructed. But it was plenty audible to his sister. 

“You should take the stupid thing off,” Vex offered, trying to comfort him. “It’s not like anyone will come.”

“But if someone does…” Vax stuttered through tears. “Then we’re in so much trouble…”

“I don’t care if we’re in trouble! He’s so annoying and mean, I don’t care if we make him mad. He’s mad all the time anyway, so who cares!”

Vax flinched at the shift in the volume of his sister’s voice, the sudden gesture she made. The cause of that flinch, that fear, was not lost on Vex - she knew perfectly well that Vax took much more of the physical torment their father inflicted than she did, despite him protesting louder. He was easier to walk on, maybe that was why. Vex certainly didn’t like to let herself be walked on. She’d rather get kicked on her side than roll over. 

But that did her no good in this scenario, so she swallowed her frustration and moved to wrap her arms around her brother. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” She tangled her fingers in his slicked back hair, trying to pull a little of the gunk loose.

“It’s fine… don’t pull on my hair, it’s fine.” He grumbled, pulling away. She didn't move her hand fast enough, and tugged a little too hard, causing a yelp from her brother. She winced at that noise herself, sick of hearing him in pain, sicker that she could inflict more on him even by accident. 

“Sorry…”

“It’s fine. Just…” He trailed off, looking down at the fine fabric of the tux he had on, fitting in all the wrong ways. 

“Just what?” Vex pried. “It’s fine, you can say it.”

“I just wish he hadn't put this stuff in my hair, that’s all.” That was definitely not all, but Vex had to tolerate it as an answer for now. Instead of pushing further, she took a brush from the stand beside her and dunked it in water, starting to run it through her brother’s hair. 

“What are you doing?” He squeaked, an undignified noise that made Vex giggle. “You’ll get this thing wet!”

“Not like anybody’s gonna see it before it dries. And you said you wanted the goop out, so I’m getting it out. It comes out with water, right?”

“I didn’t say- you shouldn’t take it out. I don’t want him to be upset-” Vex shushed him, continuing to run the brush through his hair, the gel slowly starting to release the strands from the glued-together mess it had caused. 

“Looks like it does,” she said. “Almost got it. Relax.”

“Fine…”

“Vax?”

“Yeah?”

A silence hung in the room for a moment. Vex swallowed around the lump in her throat. 

“I wish I could be like you.”

“What do you mean?” He turned around, a little bit of water slinging off his hair. “I thought you hated how I act around Father-”

“Not like that,” she cut in. “Like… how you look.”

“You want to wear this thing? Trust me, it sucks. It’s stiff and uncomfortable and pinches and-”

“No! Well, yes, but… no. More than that.”

“What, then?” Vax tilted his head, confused. Vex swallowed again, desperately trying to bury the anxiety in her chest. 

“I wish I could be a boy.”

There. She said it. It was out in the open. 

“Well, I wish I could be a girl. So I guess we’re even.”

Wait, what?

“What, what?” His response drew Vex’s attention to the fact that she had said that out loud, and she turned her face away, trying to hide her expression. 

“You also want to change?”

“I… yeah…” His voice was nearly a whisper, clearly harboring the same fear she felt, though she tried her best to hide it from him. “Are you… mad at me…?”

“No! No, I… I just wish…”

“I would trade with you. If I ever could.”

Vex nodded, a silent affirmation that she would do the same.

“Do you promise I look bad in this suit thing?”

“I thought it was called a tuxedo,” she responded. 

“I’m serious, Vex…”

“Sorry,” she shook her head, clearing the smile from her face. “Yes, you look terrible. Like, hard to look at terrible. Mostly because you’re clearly miserable… a little because it’s wet, but mostly because you're miserable.”

“The wet is your fault,” he retorted, “but… you mean it?”

“Yes. I do.”

He smiled at that. There weren’t words for a moment, the room silent and still - and then he pulled her into a tight hug, water from his hair dripping onto her dress. 

She didn’t mind, she thought, if it got ruined.

“Good,” he finally said. “I’d much rather look good in yours.”

“If I can manage to get out of it after, you can try it on,” she smiled at him. “If I can try yours, anyway.”

“You can try it as long as you keep me from tearing it off myself first.”

“It’s that bad, huh?”

He nodded. Yeah. Yeah, it was that bad. 

“Brother, just take it off. You look so miserable.”

“Don’t call me that,” he snapped, anger crossing his face. That anger quickly replaced itself with fear as he realized he’d responded too quickly, too harshly. 

“I… what?”

“I didn’t… I mean…”

“Don’t call you brother?” She pushed. 

“... Yeah.”

“Does it hurt? When I say it like that?” She grimaced. She hated the idea of hurting him.

“... A little, yeah…”

A pause, and then-

“I won’t anymore, then.” She proclaimed. “From here on out, forevermore, you are my sister.”

She expected her brother - sister, she corrected herself - to react in… some way. She wasn’t sure what she expected, actually. 

But whatever she thought would happen, she didn’t predict him - her? - bursting into tears. 

“Are you okay?” A pause. He - she - kept crying. “Sister…?”

“It’s good,” she finally forced out. “It’s really, really good.”

That was good, then. That was fine. She could work with that

But…

“Sister?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I change too? Can I… be your brother?”

“Yes,” a snap response - not angry, just immediate. An immediate, emphatic yes. He could be her brother, and she could be his sister. And everything…

“Everything can be okay,” he said out loud. 

“Everything can be okay?” His sister - his sister - responded with a question, not a confirmation. 

“Yeah,” he said, the same immediacy to his answer. “Everything can be okay.”

“He’s going to be furious.”

“I don’t care. You're my sister. And I love you. And nothing else matters, gods dammit-”

“Don’t swear!” She admonished, falling into the same thing their father always said when her brother - brother - made the same mistake. 

“Nothing else matters,” he finished. “As long as I have you.”

That was a good enough finish for her. 

“Brother?”

“Yes, sister?”

“I don’t want to be Vax’ildan.”

“Well, I don’t want to be Vex’ahlia. So I propose a trade.” Her brother smirked. 

“A trade?”

“Yeah. A trade. I’ll take your name, and you’ll take mine. I’ll be Vax, and you’ll be Vex - I’ll be your brother, and you’ll be my sister.”

“I’m Vex, he’s Vax,” she said. Her brother - Vax, her brother Vax, the name no longer hers - laughed, a real, loud laugh that they weren’t allowed to do in their father’s presence. 

“I’m Vax, she’s Vex,” he stated, sticking his chin up in the air, proud of himself. 

“I like that, I think.”

“I think I like it too.” He grinned. “So, sister…”

“What, brother?” They were both grinning now, the euphoria of it all setting in. 

“I think it’s time we get out of these clothes. They clearly don’t match us, and that just won’t do.” He giggled again. Vex - that was her name now -  looked at the ground, fidgeting with the fabric. 

“Right?” He pressed, and finally she nodded. 

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Cool,” her brother said, and dragged the dress up over his head, discarding it and moving to pick up the shirt he’d had on before. 

“Not that,” Vex shook her head. “Put this on.” She held out her shirt to her brother - not a blouse, just a shirt with a low, slight collar to it. Far too boyish for her, she thought. But maybe not for him. 

“Trade me, then,” he said, holding the still-too-fancy blouse out to her. Wordlessly, she accepted the offering, tugging it on over her head. 

“This looks so much better,” Vax grinned, turning around from the mirror he’d been looking at himself in. He drew a short gasp when he saw his newly christened sister in the silky fabric of his old clothing. “Oh, you…”

“Is it bad?” She winced. 

“No. No, you look…” he paused, not sure what to say for a moment. Then: “You look pretty.”

“I… do?”

“Yes.” An affirmative nod. 

“I’m pretty…” she smiled. “I’m pretty. I’m pretty!” His sister spun around, the blouse flaring out just a little at the bottom, barely noticeable were it not for the fact that they were both fixated on its existence upon her. 

“You are,” he said, “and I’m dashingly handsome.”

She shoved him, gently, on the shoulder. “Gross,” she giggled. And then… “Father’s going to kill us.”

“Father won’t even notice.”

“He will when you start… growing, and I don’t. Do you really think he wouldn’t catch on before that?”

“Well, considering your voice is still high enough to sound like a girl, and I can lower mine, he definitely won’t notice that. And he doesn’t pay nearly enough attention to us to notice anything else.”

“He’ll find out eventually,” she sighed, a dark look crossing her face. 

“We’ll run away, then.”

What?

“What?” She said out loud. 

“We’ll run away! We’ll pack our things and leave, and go back to Mother. And she’ll love us exactly how we are.”

“Do you really think that will work?”

“It won’t not work.”

She smiled. 

“I’ll have to trust my brother’s advice, then.”

“Don’t worry, sister. I’ll fight off all the terrible beasts in the forests.”

“With what, the kitchen knives you keep stealing?” She laughed. 

“Something like that!” He grinned, puffing out his chest in a distinctly boyish way. 

“Well, you'd better steal some more. And some bags for our things. We’ll need them.”

“We will.”

A pause. 

“Vex?”

“Yes, brother?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You’re the best brother in the whole world.”

“You’re the best sister in the whole world.”

There was comfort, then, in holding each other, in feeling the fabric on each other’s skin, smooth silk on her and rougher, soft cotton on him. Comfort in knowing what no one else knew - knowing she was Vex, and he was Vax, and they were exactly how they wanted to be. 

They were good at keeping secrets. And someday, they both thought, they wouldn’t have to keep them anymore.

[basalt-deltas]

RULES WHEN REQUESTING

Requests are OPEN!

Fandoms I write for — Spiderverse, Valorant, Life Series, Hermitcraft, Critical Role, Hazbin Hotel

Spiderverse — Miguel O’Hara, Hobie Brown, Pavitr Prabhakar, Gwen Stacy, any of the live action Spidermen, Peter B. Parker, Spiderman Noir, MJ (Zendaya version only SORRY), Miles Morales (both of em) Valorant — Phoenix, Yoru, Cypher, Jett, Gekko, Omen, Skye, Nanobomb, KAY/O Vox Machina — Percy De Rolo, Vax'ildan, Vex'ahlia, Keyleth, Pike Trickfoot, Scanlan Shorthalt, Grog Mighty Nein — Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf, Jester Lavorre, Yasha Nydoorin, Beauregard Lionett, Fjord, Nott the Brave, Caduceus Clay, etc Hermitcraft — Just ask, I'm too tired to put all the sillies in here Life series — Again, just ask :thumbs up: Hazbin Hotel — Angel Dust, Alastor, Lucifer, Charlie, Vaggie, Adam, basically the whole cast

Reader — I’m best at male!reader, but I’ll also do fem!reader, gnc!reader, and trans!reader! Fear not, I am trans also!

Usual Genres — Angst, fluff, idk what does genres even mean. Punk Rock???

—————

What I will write!!

⇨ character x reader (2nd person, you/yours, no y/n) ⇨ character x character (I won’t do certain ships, ask me first!!) ⇨ canon or canon-divergent ⇨ headcanon scenarios ⇨ character headcanons ⇨ oneshots ⇨ platonic, romantic, or familial ⇨ multiple requests from the same person ⇨ poly relationships ⇨ make canon cis/het characters queer ! ⇨ reader/characters with mental illness as long as it’s not romanticising or Weird about it (??) ⇨ Suggestive / 16+

What I will NOT write!!

⇨ NSFW / 18+ ⇨ other people’s ocs (SORRY) ⇨ yandere or other kinds of abusive/toxic relationships ⇨ anything with substance abuse as the main theme ⇨ child!reader in fics, mentioning it in familial fics/hcs is okay though ⇨ suicide, self/harm. severe depression, or similar topics as the main focus ⇨ anything proship or illegal ⇨ anything disregarding canon LGBTQ identities (making a gay character straight, a trans character cis, etc)

—————

When requesting…

PLEASE BE AS SPECIFIC AS POSSIBLE!! Tell me everything you want, specify if you want me to take some creative liberties, please I am so bad with unspecific directions!!! I will not dm to clarify if you’re not on anon

You can specify if you want me to post your request anonymously or with your ask attached !! If you don’t specify, I’ll just assume yes and I’ll attach your ask

I will answer whatever question you have!! About pretty much anything :D

PLEASE just. Don’t be a dick. I am not being paid to write for you!!! And I do this on my own time!!!

To check if your request is being written/worked on, check my works in progress!!

Everything above applies to requests!! If I write something by myself that breaks the rules, it’s because I want to and I can

—————

LINKS!!

masterlist (none yet) | pinned post | works in progress (none yet)

[historyhermann]

Things Get Better?: LGBTQ Representation in Animation in 2022 [Part 2]

Continued from part 1

In 2022, there was a plethora of LGBTQ characters in Western animation, from gay warriors Orc and Iago in Battle Kitty to a lesbian drama teacher in Dee Dee Holloway in Big Nate. Other series featured gay couples (as in Baymax!), gay and lesbian parents (as in Firebuds), and many other lesbian, bisexual, non-binary, and queer characters. [3]

Reprinted from Pop Culture Maniacs and Wayback Machine. This was the nineteenth article I wrote for Pop Culture Maniacs. This post was originally published on January 16, 2023.

Some series had more representation than others. One of these was The Legend of Vox Machina, airing on Amazon Prime and based on the Critical Role roleplaying podcast, which featured lesbian, bisexual, and queer characters, specifically Vex'ahlia "Vex" de Rolo, Vax'ildan "Vax" Vessar, Lady Kima, Keyleth of the Air Ashari, Scanlan Shorthalt, and Lady Allura Vysoren. Stephanie Beatriz, a bisexual actress, voiced two of these characters: Lady Kima and Lady Allura. In addition, there were was a reboot of Monster High which premiered on Nickelodeon in fall 2022, with more gender diversity and LGBTQ characters, such as a non-binary monster named Frankie Stein and two lesbian moms (Medusa and Lyra).

Just as powerful was the reboot of The Proud Family in a series named The Proud Family: Louder and Prouder. It aired on Disney+ from February to April of 2022. Created by the same person as the original, Bruce W. Smith, it includes three gay characters: Randall Leibowitz-Jenkins, Barry Leibowitz-Jenkins, and Michael Collins. There were also one-time lesbian characters and queer vibes among other characters, who are part of the show's mostly Black cast.

One of these characters is Maya, a 14-year-old anti-racist activist voiced by Keke Palmer. Although Palmer is an actress who has described herself as sexually fluid and queer, it remains to be seen whether Maya will be "sexually fluid and queer as much as Palmer is in real-life."

This was followed, later in 2022, by the much-expected Dead End: Paranormal Park, which Netflix recently cancelled. This series broke barriers as the first animated series with a trans protagonist named Barney Guttman. He is voiced by a trans male actor, Zach Barack. The show also includes Norma Khan who likes multiple genders and is ambiguously queer, and Courtney, who is non-binary. This series goes beyond the barrier-breaking of High Guardian Spice, a series by a trans male creator, Raye Rodriguez, who voiced one of the show's characters (Caraway), or the trans male lead character in Wendell & Wild (Raúl Cocolotl), who was said to be the first trans man in an animated film.

2022 heralded the end of the much-beloved Disney series, Amphibia. The series featured LGBTQ characters who were confirmed after the show's finale, like bisexual Sasha Waybright, voiced by bisexual actress Anna Akana. There's also Mr. X, Frodrick Toadstool, and Toadie who are gay, Yunan and Lady Olivia who are lesbian, Ally who is pansexual, and Jess who is bisexual.

Continued in part 3

© 2022-2023 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

Notes

[3] This includes lesbian characters Nadja el-Koury and Danielle in Human Resources, Laura Feinberg as a bisexual woman in Little Demon, a queer non-binary couple (Gladys and Wren) in Pinecone & Pony, a non-binary Faerie student named Jae in Supernatural Academy, and a non-binary transformer named Nightshade in Transformers: EarthSpark. In addition, Dragon Age: Absolution, which only aired for six episodes in December 2022, featured four of LGBTQ characters (Miriam, Hira, Roland, and Lacklon), with Qwydion voiced by Ashly Burch who came out as queer and pansexual in July 2022.

[ravenquing]

thinking about Vax'ildan...

he cries a lot, like a lot a lot

his eye makeup is always a mess to the point he looks weird without mascara smudged around his eyes

he's also an absentminded nailbiter and gets into a lot of bother with Pike, Percy and Vex over it - he can't help it, sometimes he needs to chew on something and his nails just so happen to be there!

he's also a leg bouncer, can't sit still for over 5 minutes - he has to be moving, doing something even if its just sharpening his knives or silly coin tricks

he gets zoomies a lot, his sweet tooth and constant snacking on sugary treats probably don't help this, so he will just go running around in the woods with his Boots of Haste on

also he has the worst sweet tooth ever, he has a pouch of never ending sour gummy worms he's always eating and he loves devouring massive chocolate bars in seconds

he likes doing repetitive tasks like stacking objects or organising them into rows, baking lots of one thing, spinning around and reciting the five times table on a loop

he's ashamed of his ears and tends to hide them under his hair using bobby pins or under hooded cloaks, but he thinks Vex and Keyleth look great with their ears out on display

he's right handed but left footed - i headcanon he lost his right leg as a kid, so he learned to rely on his left leg over time

thinking about dyslexic and dyscalculiac Vax struggling in school, bullied by his peers and his teachers alike, to the point he starts skipping school

thinking about transgender Vax struggling with imposter syndrome, he looks in the mirror and sees a mixture of his father and the girl he's sure everyone else sees him as, and he wears a magic choker to mask how his voice sounds because naturally he sounds almost identical to Vex

i imagine he has many scars that he's ashamed of, but he could never be ashamed of his top surgey scars - whenever his dysphoria spikes, he gets alone and takes his tunic off so he can trace the scars and remind himself of how far he's come

thinking about Gilmore being the one to have made Vax's choker for him... hnnnn...

thinking about Vax and Gilmore getting together, always touching and kissing and trying to stay near to each other

its a rather asexual relationship still, i see Vax as sexually repulsed, but maybe on occasion they try it out - they stop if it gets too much for Vax, which happens most of the time, but they don't always need to stop some nights

thinking about Vax as a dad, he'd be so anxious and unsure of himself but he's a natural and easily bonds with the kid/s

he loves carrying them around, holding them close when he does things around the house - it helps that his baby turns into a koala when they're held

Vax learning new recipes to feed the baby with, Shaun helping him in the kitchen

oh gods, Vax and Shaun both love cooking so much, they're always making leftovers to hand out to friends and family

just... AHHHHH

Vax'ildan

[ghostygremlin]

so i spent the last two years writing a critical role campaign one fanfic.

title: if i went and hurt my body (would you love me the same)

author: ghostlyGremlin

fandom: critical role (campaign one)

pairings: multiship, vax'ildan vessar/shaun gilmore, vax'ildan vessar/vox machina, vax'ildan vessar & vox machina

category: m/m, m/f, multi, gen, f/f (mentioned)

rating: teen & up

summary:

Vax'ildan Vessar hides his soul marks from the world for a reason.

He is broken. He must be.

No one should have that many marks.

~~~

A soulmark AU where soulmates can be romantic or platonic, and you can have more than one. Vax is a bi disaster who doesn't quite grasp the fact that he can love as much as he does and its not a crime.

word count: 9,592

warnings: mild language, sexual innuendo, allusions to sex/sexual activities, use of alcohol, implied/referenced homophobia (past), canon typical violence, serious injuries, mild/hurt comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, self-esteem issues, implied/referenced alcohol abuse/alcoholism (light), discussions of religion (in the context of dnd gods)

additional tags: discussion of polyamory, polyamorous character(s), bisexual character(s), transgender female character, trans vex'ahlia, soulmate-identifying marks, platonic soulmates, romantic soulmates

Read it here!

more misc info and my own commentary below the break <3

its called "if i went and hurt my body (would you love me the same)" on ao3 and i literally spent exactly two years writing it!

its a Soulmark AU focused on Vax'ildan and his relationships to his Marks and the people he loves.

there are allusions to vax's relationships with all of vox machina, most of which can be interpreted as romantic or platonic according to preference, except for three.

vax and vex have each other's Marks, but their relationship is NOT romantic.

vax has gilmore's Mark, and has explicitly romantic feelings towards him.

vax does NOT have keyleth's Mark, but has explicitly romantic feelings towards her.

this fic is meant to be an exploration on (what i see as) vax'ildan's polyamory and his own self-esteem, specifically in relation to being polyamorous. im poly myself, and i related very deeply to vax's struggles with his feelings for gilmore and keyleth when i watched c1. and even though its been years since i last rewatched c1, i wanted to write something about this character i had fallen in love with.

over the past two years, this fic has received so much genuine support, attention, and love from the critrole community and i couldnt be happier. ive been a part of the cr community for around 2.5/3 years, and it is one of the kindest most loving fandoms ive ever been a part of. writing this fic was a hell of a journey, and every single person who commented, left a kudos, or even just read it means the world to me.

[blorbologist]

📝? hii^^

!! Hiiii <3

Before I came up with One for sorrow, I'd planned on keeping that title and the magpie rhyme for a fic about the de Rolo kids. Specifically Vex's pregnancies and their very early life.

I don't think I'd ever write it, bc one for sorrow is now firmly my RQ Champion AU, and because I've never been ~pregante~ and feel it wouldn't be my place to write a long fic about it. And also because it would be me breaking my heart repeatedly, because tbh I find any idealistic takes on Vex and Percy's kids to be uh Unlikely.

One for sorrow = Vesper, Vex would be in a hellish mental state following Vax's death and hormones and little sleep, so that first pregnancy would have been an unhappy one. She loves her baby ofc but. I. Think she'd likely have postpartum and have to struggle with that.

Two for joy = the twins, obviously. I HC Wolfe and Leona as identical twins, so the whiplash of that, of knowing what her mother must have felt holding her and Vax. Things are joyful this time though, and toddler Vesper is a delight.

Three for a girl = again the twins, but older, before Vax'ildan is born. The title would have been both referring to one (prolly Leona) being trans... and Vex having a miscarriage ;; bc! A lot of pregnancies end in miscarriage! Many women in my life have had one, and with as many pregnancies as Vex has gone through... statistically likely, and I'd like to see that grief represented in stories more. But it’s not my place to do it.

Four for a boy = Vax’ildan! Dan! Freddy! Vex is in a far better mental state, now, and able to actually consider naming her son this. I hc that Dan was originally gonna be Percy IV, but the name didn't fit so Percy III quietly asked Vex if she had any other ideas a week in, and... he just had so much of Vax's laugh in him.

Five for silver = Gwennie! Idk how id tie the title into it jvjgj

Six for gold = hypothetical Percy IV at last? That or one of the older three becomes a parent and Vex and Percy deal with being grandparents

Seven for a secret never to be told = just about Vex and Percy. Me blorbos.

Like!! As you can see, I've got All the ideas. But I'd never write this, now, both due to my knowledge of the central Stuff not lining up and using the title and rhyme for my darling fav fic <3

[trans-mando]

[ID: “This jedi is gay” meme edited to read, “This rogue is trans & bi and there’s nothing you can do about it.” The image is an older version of Vax’ildan’s official art from the original video intros. Vax is a pale-skinned, dark-haired half elf wearing a black, furred cloak. His hair is long and worn back, with two small braids on his right side. On his back, two hilts are visible. He is glancing to the side and smiling fondly. /end ID]

[the-fandom-at-the-moment-blog]

I know nothing about campaign 1 but im hcing one of the twins as trans. Like yeah they dont have to be identical twins but i choose to believe so and that one is just,trans.

[essayofthoughts]

Given I just gave you a shoutout for the idea, care to share with the masses the brilliance of trans!Vax'ildeux (Vax'ildan de Rolo)?

I kinda just did in my answer to your other ask! But to elaborate on why...

I don't think Vex would have an easy time naming one of her children for her brother. That's such a legacy to bear, such a weight of grief and loss, of the reputation of that name - and it won't just affect her but Keyleth too for whom that loss is still fresh, Percy who likely has some guilt over it - all of their friends and family.

The only way I could see Vax'ildeux ending up with that name is if, for some reason or other, he chose it.

We know the ravens visit Whitestone as well as Zephrah. Keyleth and Vex are the two dearest to Vax; of course sone part of him, still tucked inside the Champion, doesn't want them to be alone. So... I think a reputation gets built up around the ravens, that they are companions and comfort to those in need and that, not unlike the Champion himself, they offer sone degree of guidance.

I think the quarter elves are prone to going on walks when thinking about things - and I think they often end up at Vax's memorial bench. And I think for Vax'ildeux, coming to terms with his own gender and figuring out what new name he might have without seeming to reject the family and lost loved ones of his birth name - I think he sat at that bench and was visited by ravens. I think he felt less alone and that he was being comforted.

And... well, I don't personally subscribe to the trans!Vax headcanon for the most part (with one exception for one or two fics because those allow me to make use of it rather than it feel like I'm using it as a pointless and throwaway detail) but I know you do Blorb, and I think if it were the case Vex would tell her children, just in case any of them ever felt similarly - so they knew they wouldn't be judged, that they would still be loved.

Regardless - I think these various things come together to make an interesting story for Vax'ildeux choosing his name - picking a new name to honour lost family and also reflect what and where he found comfort as he figured it out. And I think if one of Vex's children chose the name, knowing the history and the weight and wanting it nonetheless - I think that'd be a kind of comfort, and mitigate her own fears about giving it to one of the quarter elves.

... look I just really love this headcanon, okay!

Send me asks about my fic ideas!

[the-tealeaf-brothers]

Thinking about how Vax and Vex should've been the same gender assigned at birth because they're identical twins, not fraternal