#trauma or something i dunno

[gremlingirlsmell]

i dont understand why the seasonal depression season is usually winter. in winter the days are short and cold but cozy inside you can get 1000 blankets and warm up with a tea or coffee or hot chocolate. you can just stay inside and do nothing. just relax. just dont do anything. when you dont do anything you cant do anything wrong. my seasonal depression is in spring when it gets just unbearably warm and the birds are loud as fuck and the flowers smell so wonderfully and the sun shines oh so brightly directly into my face overstimulating everything and i have to look down all the time and its the perfect opportunity to go outside for a walk or an adventure. wouldnt that be nice, go on an adventure once or twice. no that wasnt right do it again. no i dont like you anymore. i love you. i hate you. lets do it again but right this time. no you did it wrong. dont you like me anymore. lets go on an adventure again, but do it right this time. why do you always do everything wrong

[beefcliff]

a very little comic about perspective and pain

send me an ask or support me w/ merch

[normalbrothers]

tommy loves horses of course, and there's a lot going on there (re trauma), but he has a pretty utilitarian view on them most of the time; it's not as much of an affectionate relationship to the animals as i think fandom seems to believe. there's also rather a greater symbolic meaning in general to him than bonding himself emotionally to a single horse, the way it tends to be with most horsey narratives

[crimeronan]

god i know i keep half-tongue-in-cheek saying that my dad is literally belos owlhouse but. i've apparently gotten a little desensitized to Just How Bad He Is (because i have ESCAPED, YAY) & so today has been a delightful adventure.

i wrote an AITA post from his POV about stuff that happened several years ago, bc i was curious about how bad he'd get dragged - i updated the timeline but the Only fact i changed was the reason for his Woes (i blamed COVID economic struggles, which actually makes him a Hero compared to the truth. the truth being so ugly i'm not gonna detail it here good god).

i kept it true to POV by only using things that he actually did say to me at the time about why he was doing the things that he was doing, & blocking out all the relevant info about why the wronged party (me) was so upset, & having him praise his daughter (me) and go "i love her so much :) she's so smart and independent and i would never hurt her :)", & having him half-assedly admit he might've sounded unreasonable/angry/malicious, in a way that was clearly supposed to earn Good Dad points for being so Willing To Admit Imperfections, despite a continued constant doubling-down refusal to answer questions about actual important shit or fix anything ever.

cannot emphasize enough that this was not a fictionalized/embellished/creative POV. the only points of fiction were 1) my dad did not write these things on reddit, he said them to me in real life word for word instead and 2) this happened many years ago, not like... yesterday.

anyway the thread blew up and the commenters were all so kind and genuinely worried for me (as in, the daughter) and offering so much help that i hopped on a diff account to be my past self so i could reassure people i'm okay & had a plan in motion for gettin' the hell outta dodge. because i felt REALLY BAD that they didn't know i..... did in fact get out. people were so nice it made me actually fucking cry jesus CHRIST. i had in fact perhaps forgotten that these things were all as bad and worrying as they were

now. this is all a very serious and harrowing-sounding prelude to the actual point of this post, which is. a bullet list of some of my FAVORITE FUCKING RESPONSES. revel in these with me i had so much fucking fun. i have taken DOZENS AND DOZENS of screenshots to peruse whenever i need a healthy dose of Perspective

here they r:

you are CARTOONISHLY EVIL?

HOLY ABUSE BATMAN

DO BETTER. RIGHT NOW.

did you even listen to yourself writing this. HOW

there's something seriously wrong with you. like on an intrinsic unfixable level

hey this happened to me too! my parent died and i had a party about it btw

your daughter is never going to speak to you again after this

(note from the future: yeah)

you're going to act confused and sad when she goes no-contact aren't you

(NOTE FROM THE FUTURE: HE SURE FUCKING IS)

i think you are creating your own problems and then getting mad at them. maybe instead you could not do that

is this ragebait. i can't imagine anyone this horrible actually existing

this isn't ragebait. i can tell this isn't ragebait because I Know This Kind Of Man So Intimately

you are the asshole on literally so many levels i'm going to write a 15 paragraph response line-by-line dissecting everything wrong with you

are you aware that you're lying or are you literally this incapable of 2 seconds of honest self-reflection

i need to donate to a gofundme for your daughter right now immediately

(note from the future: i am not going to scam people by pretending a long-done sitch is a current emergency on gofundme. have no fear.)

wow. okay i'm gonna go hug my mom and thank her for not being you

you are Actually Literally Empirically the Actual Literal Worst Parent who has Actually Literally Ever Existed

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU????

WHO DO YOU FUCKING THINK YOU ARE.

I AM A 57-YEAR-OLD MOM OF FOUR ADULT CHILDREN AND THE MERE THOUGHT OF DOING ANY OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE HERE MAKES ME PHYSICALLY NAUSEOUS

these vibes are so skeevy. leave her the fuck alone????

along with ASTONISHINGLY accurate inferences about exactly what was happening with the daughter (me) in all the missing missing reasons & like..... exactly how the situation was So Much More Ugly And Horrifying than an innocently confused i'm-so-well-intentioned dad-POV post would have you believe.

so. anyway. that was literally the most validating experience i've ever had in my entire life. i know i've said he's a bad guy before but i also always forget just how far beyond the pale he is. like wow that was. that was not a normal average human experience to have growing up huh.

IN CONCLUSION.

if you guys are ever wondering why i am the way that i am about, like........ anything....... everything....... whatever......

just remember.

i was raised by belos owlhouse.

[kavehater]

AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s

[heartbeatsandrainstorms]

In the most recent episode of "Everything Keeps Going To Shit", after talking to someone about the latest shitty thing, I came to a kind of relevation that felt weirdly groundbreaking:

Self-worth and self-love are two vastly different things.

Things have been shitty in so many ways, and I often feel like I'm to blame for my problems. That I just need to Do Better, to be better at All The Things, and the fact that I can't just do that makes all of my problems all my fault. This is...obviously not a recipe for self-love. As a general rule, I neither like nor love myself...most of the time. In fact, I may fucking hate myself 98% of the time. But I realized...despite that, I know my worth. And because of that, other people's opinions really only can matter so much. Even so, there are a hell of a lot more people out there who do value me, and that also means something.

I'm fairly certain that at various points in the past I neither loved myself nor had any sense of self-worth. So I'm not sure where this came from, or when it came to exist, but I'm fairly certain that this is the biggest reason that I'm still managing to power through life these past several months without completely breaking

[highlifeboat]

Um, I don't think "Sex repulsed" refers to fictional scenarios. Pretty sure it means specifically you not comfortable with having sex in real life :p

I always thought it just meant you aren't comfortable with any/most sexual content in general.

Cause like... Being asexual doesn't make you sex repulsed. And you don't have to be asexual to be sex repulsed.

I guess I just mean I don't find sex gross. I don't wanna have it, but I don't find it disgusting, just writing it out is uncomfortable.

[possibly-eli]

i dont understand what about this is so difficult for people to comprehend:

i just kinda want my thoughts on opinions on MY OWN HEALTH to be entertained instead of immediately disregarded

like. im 17. i shouldnt be having back pain so often. i shouldnt be having such severe leg pain. i shouldnt be dealing with such shitty hand joints. but FUCK ME i guess i dont get a say in jack SHIT about my own health!!!!! because what i say means fuck all!!!!! ok man!!!! whatever i guess!!!!!!!

[wollfling]

Tomorrow will be one year since my dog passed away I've been weeping on and off about it. Tomorrow an interview about my illustration work i did with a new online magazine will be published. I'm drawing a bit again slowly but I am. Mostly feeling strange these days, healing but I'm still sad most of the time, it is what it is

[ranger-kellyn]

told myself to take a break from getaway car so i don't burn myself out like i did last year, and of course my brain wanted to go think about my scarlet/violet fic, sooo have some rambling below the read more

like. one of my ideas has always been that i want juliana specifically to have quaxly not just bc he's my favorite starter in that region, but because it turns into quaquaval, a pokemon that is supposed to be known for its dancing abilities. i like to think they're a pokemon that only needs to see a dance once or twice before they've got it memorized.

i love the idea that a huge part of juliana's overall character arc is admitting to herself how much she wants to learn how to dance in some way because of course she happened to pick the pokemon that loves to dance. so she's basically learning alongside her pokemon throughout his evolution stages, mutually gaining more confidence until he's a fully grown quaquaval.

and!! not just him, but probably the three friends as well! it may not be something any of them are really interested in to begin with, but juliana and quaquaval make it a ton of fun. she probably even takes the time to learn an individual dance of some kind with each of them, and is the first to drag anyone to any festivals happening in the cities and towns.

(bc i am who i am) nemona's the first friend juliana ends up dancing with. while juliana quickly realizes how much quaxly likes music, nemona is the one who tells her about how he's going to turn into a pokemon that loves to dance. she mostly just enjoys having fun with them and learning whatever juliana is into. something that really helps juliana come out of her shell, which leads her to opening up to arven and penny around the same time

not 100% sure of styles apart yet but i mean...penny's has to be some nerd dance lol. i also kinda love the idea of arven learning a very formal spanish style dance with them.

idk i just want the core pillars of this story to be something along the lines of, music, song, food, and dance are all forms of love and connection and can be healing and--- AH i just want them to have time to really develop as a friend group throughout the treasure hunt.

[redhotarsenic]

Agh I don’t know I hate the thought of piling my shit on others it feels yucky and bad and people all have their own shit to deal with and if I do that I’m just adding my burdens onto them and that’s just. Cruel on my part somehow? You know?

[luthienmpl]

The way he's awake and listening to every word coming out of their mouths and they either don't seem to notice or care is fucking me up ngl.

[unicarcass]

being able to so thoroughly track down my own origin in system feels so complicated. im getting emotions over shit from over a decade ago. over people that i can never get in contact with again bc theyve long since outgrown me. bc theyve left the internet entirely. bc ive irreparably fucked up with them somewhere along the way. bc theyre no longer alive. etc.

theres a weird kind of grief that im not sure how to put into words? ive always held people at arms length while our amnesia and dissociation would progressively worsen. now that weve been recovering so much of our memory its like. it all feels so close to me now, the good and the bad. but now isnt then and i just have to accept that? idk.

[pastrycreamsicle]

why am i so bad at keeping in touch with people??!? not knowing what a frienship actually means???! i feel like im doing everything wrong. i feel like i never tried hard enough in all my 23 years of coordinating with people

[serendipetite]

this is gonna sound really cheesy but i think really want to take these coming months to be the person his lyrics inspire me to be. it seems like i still have a lot of anger and bitterness clouding things and i really do want to get to a healing point and be able to have even just a fraction of that peace and gentleness he exudes. he's inspired me in so many ways over the years and i just want to continue working towards that, especially these next few months/years.

[floral-hex]

drove my mom to the ER.