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kaitidid22 · 2 years

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Fanfic: What Ifs and If Onlys (Conrad/Billie)

Summary: It's Conrad and Billie's first date, and Gigi isn't feeling well. (Canon-friendly & set immediately after ep 611.)

A/N: A gift for Sakura8589 on AO3. It's a little different than what you asked for, but I hope this satisfies the craving!

Brown eyes stared back at Billie—the same brown eyes that had always been part of her face—but they looked… lighter somehow. Her whole face was subtly different. Her skin was glowy, the curve of her lips more pronounced.

Maybe her face and eyes were merely reflecting back the lights that lined her mirror. But she kind of thought it was the happiness fizzing through her veins like bubbles in champagne.

She couldn’t seem to stop smiling. She had tried a few times to school her features back into the calm, cool, stay-at-least-six-feet-away-from-me expression that she had honed over a lifetime and perfected overseas. But the familiar arrangement of her features suddenly felt unnatural and off.

She was accustomed to her expression not matching how she felt inside. That was life—or, at least, the life Billie had experienced. A constant balancing act between staying true to herself and taking others’ feelings into account. Tempering how she felt to make it manageable from the outside.

But, as she remembered the feeling of her fingers sliding against Conrad’s, his palm settling against hers in a skin-to-skin kiss, the idea of hiding that amount of joy just felt wrong.

Billie glanced down at the tube of mascara in her hand, and her brow furrowed. Had she put any on yet? She couldn’t remember. She leaned forward and studied her lashes. Left, yes. Right, no, she realized, and set about fixing the issue.

She was keeping her makeup simple—mascara, eyeshadow, tinted lip balm—less out of a stylistic choice and more because she was terrified at the prospect of needing to touch up during the date. Her hands were already shaking, and Conrad hadn’t even arrived yet.

She tapped her phone screen to check the time, and butterflies sprang to life in her stomach again. Conrad had said he would pick her up at eight. She had less than thirty minutes to get dressed, do her hair, and sit down for some deep breathing exercises.

Crap. Should I just tie it back? she wondered, scrutinizing her hair. It still looked mostly okay from when she had styled it that morning. She could just brush it and leave it. But it wasn’t perfect. And she wanted everything to be perfect.

She knew it was only dinner. She and Conrad had eaten dinner together hundreds of times over the past five years. Dinner, lunch, brunch, breakfast, afternoon snacks, midnight picnics—they had experienced every type of meal imaginable together. She had no reason to be nervous, or afraid that she would forget which fork to use or run out of conversation for the first time ever.

Conrad wasn’t even the type to take her to a fancy restaurant on a date. Besides, she would never forget the right fork. She had drilled it into herself as sternly as the names of all the bones in the human body.

And Billie was thankful that she could assume Conrad was going to pick somewhere on the more casual side. Maybe even Waylon’s—though maybe not since they could run into friends there. Regardless, he was far more likely to pick somewhere with sawdust on the floor than somewhere that relied on multiple forks for a meal.

Billie rubbed her forehead to stop the stream-of-consciousness rant. She was stalling. And spiraling. But mostly stalling.

Dress, she told herself, stern, and forced her feet to move back into the bedroom.

The problem was that Gigi had almost always been a buffer, literally sitting between Billie and Conrad’s bodies. And the few times Gigi hadn’t been physically present, the two of them had been in a group of friends, or Marshall had been with them, or they had been in the hospital café. They had never been alone.

Except for once: the day after the medical board hearing; the only day she could remember as just the two of them, alone. And that had been… different. She barely remembered that day, more worried about Trevor than she was about herself, and terribly tongue-tied telling Conrad the whole, horrible tale.

Trying to condense twenty-seven years into a manageable story was hard. She started and stopped and restarted so many times that she was terrified Conrad would get impatient. But he never did. He barely even asked questions and only let himself do that much after she had gotten through the whole thing once.

She knew they had eaten—they had spent nearly fourteen hours together—but she would never be able to tell anyone what they had eaten or where.

Luckily—or unluckily maybe—she had spent the entire day leading up to their date mentally sifting through her wardrobe. So, she knew exactly which dress she was going to wear. She had decided black would be too stark, too fancy for the type of place Conrad was likely to choose. She had opted for a slate blue a-line dress that hit just below her knee, with a sweetheart neckline and fluttery little sleeves. Paired with small jet studs, the delicate necklace she wore every day, and ankle boots with the tiniest of block heels, Billie thought she managed to look understated and modest, casual enough for a pub and yet elegant enough that she was obviously dressed for a date.

Standing in front of the mirror, Billie smoothed her hand down her hips, feeling the silky fabric of the dress, and scrutinizing every last detail of the outfit. Satisfied and disproportionately proud of herself, she gave her reflection a smug nod and went downstairs to tell herself she wasn’t nervous in a different room.

She was getting a glass of water in the kitchen when Conrad’s knock sounded through the first story of the house. Billie hesitated at the sink, glass hovering, and wondered why she was surprised. Had she really thought he would use his key? He always had before when picking Gigi up, or the two of them were coming over for movie night, but things were different now.

Were they? Of course, they were. Right? Yes. They were different.

For God’s sake, move, she told herself, when she realized she had left him standing at the door for far too long.

She straightened her shoulders and set the glass down in the sink. Then she turned and walked to the door, head as high as she could get it and not be looking down her nose at anything.

His bashful smile was firmly in place, eyes on the wooden boards of her porch, as she opened the door. “I almost used my key,” he admitted to the porch. He looked up, shaking his head “But then I thought—”

His words seemed to dry up as he took her in. She knew she was smiling too wide. She probably looked like she was having a manic episode. But he was so adorable. How was she supposed to resist grinning at him?

“Wow,” he said on an exhale.

Billie’s cheeks heated. She wanted to say Come on, Hawkins. You’ve seen me dressed up before. But she bit the teasing back, recognizing that this was one of those moments they would never get to have again, and she didn’t want to ruin it out of nerves. So, she took a beat to absorb his expression.

“You clean up well, yourself,” she said.

And he did, but she already knew that. Despite the fact that his preference was to live in jeans and a Henley, she had seen him dressed up on a number of occasions. Kit and Bell’s wedding, of course, but other times, too. Forcing tense conversation with him at the first-year residents reception. Flipping through photos from his wedding to Nic. Seeing him leave for a date with Cade straight from a shift. Catching his eye across the room at fundraising events Kit drafted them both to attend.

But Conrad had never dressed up for Billie. His black button up, grey pants, and shiny leather boots were wreaking havoc on her poor heart, which was now beating three times faster than it should be. And he was still staring, lips slightly parted, having not seemed to register her words at all.

She tilted her head. “Do you want to come in?”

He pointed vaguely over his shoulder to his car at the curb. “Reservation.”

Her nerves spiked again. Reservation? But she forced out a nod and held onto her smile. “Let me get my jacket.”

Her hands were shaking again when she pulled open the coat closet. Her hand floated for a moment between her leather jacket—what she had assumed she would wear—and a light shawl collared coat—something more appropriate for the places Conrad’s pants were implying. She didn’t know which to choose. Since when did Conrad Hawkins make reservations?

“You okay?” he called to her.

He couldn’t see her from his vantage point. Between the front door and the door to the closet, his view was entirely blocked. But she knew she had hesitated too long—again. She grabbed the leather jacket and shut the closet, snagging her purse off the entryway console on her way back to Conrad.

“Peachy,” she said and stepped through the front door and into her date.

What is happening? Billie thought to herself as they pulled up to the valet stand.

She knew exactly where they were, even though the restaurant (rather famously) lacked any type of signage. Instead, the entire front of the building was a glass wall, encouraging anyone from the street or sidewalk to look in at the patrons.

The nerves that had been strumming along in her chest—eased by the conversation in the car—flipped on an amplifier and began slamming out power chords. Her fingers spasmed around the seat belt before she forced them to relax, unhook the clip, and open the door. Conrad handed the keys to the valet and then held his hand out to her. She slid hers into his grip readily, but she was so flummoxed that she barely felt the contact.

Le Ciel was not where Billie had expected Conrad to take her.

Le Ciel was so famous that The New York Times had written an article solely about how famous it was.

Le Ciel was a prix fixe menu that used words like “truffle foam” and “deconstructed.”

And Le Ciel was a sea of two-top tables lit with candles. No four-tops in sight, and definitely nothing larger. Not at Le Ciel. Because Le Ciel was widely considered the most romantic restaurant in Atlanta.

How had Conrad even gotten a reservation? Le Ciel booked up months in advance. James had once idly mentioned that the waitlist for a Valentine’s Day reservation was running three years out.

“I treated the owner’s son when I worked concierge,” Conrad murmured to her as he held open the door. “I called in a favor.”

She stared at him, lips parting, and he gave her a modest, half-shrug in response. Then he tilted his head towards the coat person, and she nodded, slipping the leather jacket off. He took care of checking their jackets and then put a hand on the small of her back to approach the hostess stand. The young woman nodded when Conrad gave his name and led them to a table in the corner by the massive windows.

It was very clearly the best table in the house, and Billie was abruptly certain she would not be able to eat anything. She couldn’t even remember if the fish fork was the one placed randomly on the righthand side with the spoons or if that was the seafood fork.

“Can I interest you in our signature cocktail?” the hostess asked.

“Um…sure,” Billie said, then shook her head. “Actually, no, just water for now, please.”

“Water would be great,” Conrad added.

“Of course,” the hostess said. “Your server will be right over with an amuse bouche. Bon appetit.”

“Thank you,” Conrad said, as Billie managed a faint smile.

As soon as the hostess was gone, Billie’s eyes locked on Conrad’s face. He was watching her, alert, as if he could sense something was off. And maybe he could. She had been quieter than usual in the car, shocked at the mention of a reservation, which didn’t fit inside her expectations for the night at all.

Confused. She was confused. And slightly shaken. She had mentally prepared for a pub. She had even worried her dress was too fancy for whatever Conrad had planned, and now she was sitting in Le Ciel feeling underdressed. She wasn’t—her dress was a silky, flowy fabric, and the coat check hadn’t even blinked when Conrad had handed over their leather jackets.

She licked her lips. “This is nice.”

His eyes crinkled, but he managed not to laugh. “Isn’t it?”

“Did you give this guy’s son your kidney?” she asked.

“No,” Conrad said, eyes still dancing in the candlelight. “I didn’t do anything special. I think his son just liked me.”

“This is the nicest table in the place, Conrad,” Billie said, feeling herself relax the more they spoke. “You clearly went above and beyond.”

“No organs were involved,” he said. Then he stopped to think. “No organs from outside his body, anyway.”

She chuckled, then looked around self-consciously. “It’s so quiet.”

“It’s like a library,” Conrad said.

“Good evening,” their server said, seeming to materialize out of nowhere next to them.

Billie grabbed at the edge of the table, while Conrad jumped a little and then smoothed the motion out to look like he had just been leaning back in his chair. They both murmured something along the lines of good eveningback and listened as the server introduced himself, and then verbally prepared them for the menu they were about to eat, which sounded amazing but included seven courses and complicated wine pairings. When he was done, he gestured to someone behind him, and another person came forward with two ceramic spoons that they set on the table in front of Conrad and Billie.

And in the center of the table, they placed a basket of…leaves?

The server stepped forward again. “In front of you, you’ll find salmon roe atop roasted octopus brined in watermelon juice. We recommend chewing the mint leaves between each course to truly cleanse the palate. Bon appetit.”

As the server faded into the dimness around them, Conrad braced his hands on the table, palms flat on either side of the ceramic spoon.

“Are you going to eat it?” Billie asked. “Or challenge it to a duel?”

Conrad’s bashful grin spread across his face. “I didn’t understand what half of that menu meant.”

“Me, either,” Billie said and lifted her spoon. “Bottoms up, Hawkins.”

“Bottoms up,” he muttered back.

They clinked their spoons together and tossed the spoons back at the same time. As weird as the combination sounded, the effect was delicious. Billie chewed as she watched Conrad nod thoughtfully and swallow.

“Chewy,” he said.

She nearly spit out her own octopus in laughter, clapping a hand over her mouth at the last second. She managed to swallow and took a sip of her water to clear her airway.

“So, you loved it, huh?” she asked.

God she loved him. The feeling was overwhelming, and so familiar after the past two years that she very nearly shoved it down like she always had before. She was so used to hiding it that she fidgeted at the knowledge that it was out there for everyone to see, for him to see. But she loved Conrad so much in that moment that she let it all shine through her eyes.

But he looked away from her, sending her stomach into freefall. A month ago, she would have retreated. She would have set her walls firmly back in place, reminded herself that Conrad wasn’t hers, picked a nice neutral topic to distract them, and then avoided him for a day while she got back on course.

But Conrad had kissed her and brought her out to the fanciest restaurant in town. Both very clear signals that he returned her feelings. So, Billie set her hand on the table and tentatively slid it forward along the tablecloth towards the middle. He met her halfway, his fingers gently tangling with her own.

He opened his mouth, leaning forward, and she heard buzzing. They both furrowed their brows, letting go of each other to seek out their phones. As doctors, they didn’t have the luxury of letting the call go to voicemail.

“It’s me,” Conrad told her, pressing the button to answer. “Devon. Everything okay?”

Billie’s breath caught as fear spilled into her chest. Gigi.

“Does she have a fever?”

Immediately, Billie started looking around the restaurant, trying to spot their server through the dimness. She listened with one ear as Conrad continued his conversation with Devon.

“…wasn’t herself earlier, but she’s been in a mood the past couple of days. I didn’t think she…”

Finally, she spotted the server, lingering at the hostess stand near the better-lit foyer. Billie narrowed her eyes at his back, willing him to turn around.

“…be there soon.”

“Go,” Billie said, as soon as she was sure Conrad had hung up. “I’ll get the check. Call me and tell me how she is, okay?”

She felt Conrad’s gaze on her face, but she was still busy trying to catch their server’s eye. He was still leaning against the hostess stand, had barely moved in the fifteen seconds Billie had been staring. The hostess was gorgeous, of course, tall and willowy.

But good grief, Billie thought, eyeing the server.

After a moment, Billie realized that Conrad hadn’t budged, and she looked back at him, confused. He was gazing at her.

“You’re not leaving,” she pointed out.

“I…” He shook himself. “Yeah, I just… Why don’t you—No, I mean, can you come with me?”

“Yes,” she said, telling herself not to stop and think. “Hold on.”

She stood, setting her napkin on the table, and marched across the restaurant. Smile, she reminded herself. Easy. Your server is a glorified child likely trying to put himself through college. Do not eviscerate him for something he had no part in. Deep breaths. In and out. That’s good.

But Gigi needed Conrad, and their server was still flirting with the hostess. Gigi wasn’t well. And Billie shoved the panic down deeper in her soul.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” she said, smoothly stepping in front of the server so that he would have no way of ignoring her. “But we need our check.”

Nerves flashed across his face. “Is everything all right? Is your food—”

“The food is fine,” she said. “But our sitter just called, and my date’s daughter isn’t feeling well. So—”

“No problem at all,” he said, face clearing and empathy stitching a frown onto his face. “I can bring the card reader to the table.”

“Thank you,” Billie said, relieved.

“I’ll get your coats,” the hostess offered.

“Thank you,” Billie said again, this time a little more sincerely.

As soon as Billie buckled her seat belt, the car was moving with Conrad tense and restless in the driver’s seat. She should have offered to drive, but she never drove when she, Conrad, and Gigi went anywhere. Even if she had thought to offer, it would have felt entirely foreign to be behind the wheel while he sat in the passenger seat, leg jumping up and down as his brain ran through all the possible medical explanations for his daughter’s symptoms.

“I heard you tell Devon that she’s been off the last few days,” Billie said.

His swallow was audible across the car. “I was going to talk to you about that.”

Her gaze sharpened on his profile. “Talk to me about what?”

Billie had known when he spoke to Gigi about them dating earlier that week. He had murmured it in her ear one morning while they were waiting for the screens to load with scans in the CT room. They hadn’t had a chance to discuss it, since Devon had barged in, and then they had each been called on separate critical issues. And her OR had been so busy the rest of the week that she hadn’t had a chance to see Gigi since the conversation.

She had been a bit surprised that Conrad had already spoken to his daughter. Particularly since Billie and Conrad never had the conversation. It had all been vague and implied, and they had each known what the other meant—we’re together now—but it hadn’t been said per se.

Part of her was disappointed. She had wanted to be there when he told Gigi. She didn’t know how Gigi was going to respond. She knew Gigi would understand the basics after her father’s relationship with Cade. It was different with Billie, though, and she had wanted to be there to reassure the little girl.

But it wasn’t her place to ask, only to be invited, and Conrad hadn’t, so Billie hadn’t said anything.

“When I told Gigi about us, she was excited, but I don’t think she really understood,” Conrad said. “She just seemed to think it would mean sleepovers like…”

He trailed off, and she stifled a laugh at his discomfort. “Like Cade used to?”

“Yeah,” he said on a groan. “I tried to explain the difference. I told her you would be coming over more, and, yes, there might be sleepovers and, no, you wouldn’t be sleeping in her room.” He paused to grin as Billie laughed, then continued, “But everything I mentioned you already do with us, everything Cade did, aside from the sleepovers. Like going on our weekend outings or coming over for movie night. And you take Gigi for an overnight once or twice a month. So, none of it was helpful.”

He sounded frustrated with himself again, frustrated again about how much time he had let lapse by running from his feelings. Billie ran a hand down his bicep, a swift gesture of comfort. Then she pulled her hands back into her lap. She told herself not to ask, but she had to know.

“But she was excited, right?”

“Yes,” he said, firm. “Ecstatic.”

“Good,” Billie murmured, pleased.

“Did you expect different?” Conrad asked, tone teasing. He didn’t give her a chance to respond. “She did ask if I would kiss you like I did Cade.”

“She did?” Billie asked, surprised.

Conrad nodded. “I told her yes and asked if she wanted to talk about that. But then she asked about dinosaurs because they’re doing a unit in school. So, I thought she was fine.”

“Since then she’s been off, though?” she prompted.

“It started a couple of days later. She’s been complaining about a stomachache the last two days, wheedling to stay home from school.” He shook his head. “I let her yesterday, and she spent the whole day in bed, but I couldn’t find anything medically wrong with her. And she’s done this before when she was nervous about something. So, I thought sending her to school was the right thing to do, and she seemed fine when I left tonight.”

“What’s she nervous about?” Billie asked.

She wracked her brain, but they were in a quiet period in terms of Gigi’s afterschool activities. No holidays. No events. She was excited to start day camp when school let out for the summer, but that didn’t start for a couple of months, and her next belt wouldn’t be for at least four.

“I’m not sure,” Conrad said on a sigh. “I thought getting a night with Devon might be so exciting that it would shake her out of whatever this is. But it’s been two days, Billie. I don’t…”

He trailed off, and she heard everything that he wasn’t saying.

…know what to do.

…know if I did the right thing.

…know how to help her.

“You’re a great dad,” she reminded him. “Maybe she just needs some time to tell you what it is.”

He shook his head. “I think she tried, and I just didn’t get it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Last night at dinner, she talked a lot about Cade,” he said.

“Cade,” Billie repeated in surprise. She turned to stare out the windshield, brow furrowed. “I didn’t think she and Cade were close.”

“They weren’t,” Conrad said. “I’m not even just telling myself that. They weren’t close. They liked each other fine. But Gigi never asked for Cade to tuck her in or read her a book or anything like she does with you and Devon and AJ.”

All of which was the impression Billie had gotten of their relationship from Gigi herself. And she had always thought that was due in equal measures to Conrad shielding Gigi from his first relationship since Nic and Cade having trouble opening herself up to people.

“But Gigi’s asking for Cade now?”

None of this was making sense to Billie. And clearly not to Conrad if his frustrated tone was anything to go by.

“No, not really asking for her,” he said. “Gigi had a lot of questions about the breakup, and what it meant. Why weren’t we seeing Cade anymore? When were we going to see her again? That sort of thing.”

He stopped, gathering his thoughts, and Billie waited. She wished she could ease his frustration with himself, but all she could do for him was listen.

“I think she was trying to ask me something else, not about Cade at all, but it wasn’t making much sense,” he said, as though admitting a sin.

“Okay,” Billie said slowly. They were getting close to Conrad’s and running out of time. “How did you explain the breakup to her?”

He shifted restlessly as they stopped at a red light. “I told Gigi that Cade and I were going to be friends, but that Cade wouldn’t be around as much because we weren’t dating anymore. So, she wouldn’t be spending the night or going out with us anymore. And that it had nothing to do with Gigi, and that we both still cared about her. I tried to make the conversation about Cade and the conversation about you separate. I spaced them out over a few days. I don’t know if that helped.”

Billie’s brow was still furrowed. “It sounds like you handled it right,” she said.

Conrad blew out a breath. “Apparently not.”

The light turned green, and Conrad drove the last few blocks to the house in silence. Billie turned everything over in her mind, trying to find an explanation for Gigi’s anxiety, but she came up blank. She would have understood if Cade had meant a lot to Gigi, but she hadn’t. Could it just be the change? Kids didn’t do well with change, right?

As they stepped from the car, Conrad came around to her side, gently shutting her door. She grasped his jacket, pulling him close. Without prompting, he leaned down and rested his forehead against hers, exhaling shakily into the night, hands cupping her shoulders.

“Why didn’t you talk to me about all of this?” Billie asked.

Conrad always talked to her about Gigi things and not just Gigi—everything, really, even Cade. She shoved down the hurt that he hadn’t this time. She could feel the tension vibrating through his body into hers. This hadn’t been about Billie; it had been about Conrad, and she needed to understand.

“I wanted tonight to be about us,” he said, voice gravelly and low.

Oh, she thought.

“Conrad, Gigi is part of us,” Billie said. She let go of his jacket and cupped her hands around his face, pulling him far enough away that they could see each other. “Nothing is ever going to change that. Always talk to me about Gigi.”

His eyes looked wet as she ran a gentle hand down his jaw to rest against his neck. Before she could tell for sure if it was just the moonlight playing tricks, he blinked and looked away.

“Thank you,” he said.

“For what?”

He shrugged, smiling at the driveway. “Loving us.”

“You really need to stop thanking me for that,” she said, injecting a little levity into the conversation. “You’re going to give me a complex. I’ll expect it daily with my cup of coffee.”

“God forbid,” he murmured.

Then he took a deep breath and stepped back. Her hands trailed from his cheek and neck, falling to her sides. But he held out his hand for hers milliseconds later, and she interlaced her fingers with his. She loved that he seemed to want to hold her hand as much as she wanted to hold his. She would take any excuse.

He gave her a wry smile. “Let’s go.”

When they stepped through the front door, Devon was slowly pacing the living room with Gigi cradled in his arms. Her face was buried in his neck, and Billie’s heart twisted.

Devon caught sight of them as he turned to begin pacing in the opposite direction, and his eyes lit up with relief. “Hey,” he said. “I think she’s out again.”

“Let’s put her back in bed,” Conrad said. “If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Devon said, brow furrowed with worry.

“Talk to me,” Conrad ordered, hot on Devon’s heels.

Billie followed behind Conrad, doing a deep breathing exercise to quell the pounding of her heart.

Conrad thinks it’s just nerves, she reminded herself.

But the sight of Gigi looking so small in Devon’s arms, her little face hidden from the world, was branded across Billie’s brain.

“She seemed fine when you left,” Devon said as they got to the top of the stairs. “We played with the telescope for a while, then got ready for bed. I tucked her in, read a book, but then she asked for another one. And I know you said only one, but—”

Conrad cut him off. “It’s okay. So, you read a second book.”

Devon settled Gigi on the bed, and the little girl rolled over into a fetal position. Billie felt the tension ratchet up in the room.

“We read four,” Devon said. “She tried for a fifth, but I told her it was too late, and she needed to close her eyes and try to sleep. I offered to stay with her, but that’s when she started saying that her stomach hurt. No fever. Pupils are fine. I palpated but didn’t feel anything off. I took her downstairs and gave her some ginger ale. But then she asked me to pick her up…” Devon stopped to swallow, arms crossing tightly over his chest.

“Like she used to,” Conrad finished for him.

Devon nodded. “So, I tried walking her like we did when she was a baby, and that seemed to work better than anything else. She had only been asleep for a few minutes by the time you got home.”

Billie had been watching Gigi’s face and saw the little girl’s eyes blink open. She was kneeling next to her before she consciously told herself to move.

“Hi sweetie,” Billie murmured to her. “Everything’s okay. You can go back to sleep.”

But Gigi was already sitting up, little face crumpled, arms held out to Billie. She slid next to Gigi and pulled the little girl into her lap, holding her close and making soothing noises as Gigi started to cry. Conrad came to sit next to Billie, and Devon hovered with an anxious face, clearly at a loss as to what his role was.

“Bubble, talk to me,” Conrad said, his voice a thousand times softer than when he had said the same to Devon.

To Billie’s utter shock, Gigi squirmed away from her father and cried harder as her arms squeezed around Billie’s neck. A deep hurt spasmed across Conrad’s face, and Billie wanted to reach out to him, but her hands and arms were full of Gigi, whose tears were so profound that Billie could feel the skin of her neck getting wet. Billie caught his gaze with hers instead, trying to send him love and strength through just that contact.

“Sweetie,” Billie murmured, rubbing a hand on Gigi’s back. “You have to talk to us. Is it your stomach?”

Gigi nodded, hiccupping against Billie’s neck.

“Can you sit up for me?” Billie asked. “We need to take a look at you.”

Gigi shook her head.

“You don’t want us to examine you?” Billie guessed.

Gigi stayed still against her.

“Okay,” Billie said. “We’re not going to do that, okay?”

Gigi’s arms loosened slightly.

“Do you want to talk to me about why you’re mad at your dad?” Billie asked gently.

She kept her eyes on Conrad’s face, and she saw the words hit him like a physical blow. But it was the only thing that made sense, and, knowing Gigi and how much she idolized Conrad, Billie could definitely see the unfamiliar feeling tying Gigi’s stomach in knots.

Billie felt Gigi shake her head, and Billie ran a soothing hand down Gigi’s hair. “I think you’d feel better if you talked about it.”

“I’m going to go downstairs,” Devon said. “I’ll give you guys a minute.”

Conrad stood and walked with Devon to the door. “You can go home,” Billie heard him say. “We’ve got it from here. Thank you for…”

Their voices trailed off as they got further down the stairs. Gigi let go of Billie’s neck, and the little girl sat back in Billie’s arms. Her face was streaked with tears, big eyes miserable.

“Baby,” Billie said, cupping Gigi’s cheek. “What’s going on?”

Gigi’s small fingers reached out to play with the ends of Billie’s hair. In the end, Billie had decided to leave it down, and it was damp from Gigi’s sobbing. But Gigi gently curled one lock around her tiny finger and held onto it.

“You and Daddy are dating?” Gigi asked.

They both knew it wasn’t a question. Conrad had explicitly told Gigi that he and Billie were together. Billie knew that she should have Conrad handle this conversation with his daughter. But Conrad was downstairs, and Gigi was asking her. So, Billie nodded slowly.

“Yes, sweetheart.”

Gigi’s face crumpled again, and Billie pulled her close. Heart shredded, Billie told herself Gigi was only five-going-on-six. She couldn’t possibly know how deeply she had just hurt Billie, and it wasn’t Gigi’s fault. But Billie just didn’t understand the reaction. Conrad had said Gigi was excited when he told her. Billie had thought Gigi adored her; she had thought they were each other’s favorites.

“Baby, if your dad and me dating bothers you this much—” Billie took a deep breath, swallowing down the words she wanted to offer. Then we won’t. I promise. Curious that her heart was still beating when it was dead in her chest. “Why don’t we talk about this with your dad?”

Billie caught the movement of a shadow and looked up as Conrad appeared in the doorway. She knew her face was a wreck, and she saw the fear on his, but she wasn’t sure how much he had overheard. And, so, when he started forward into the room, she shook her head at him.

Gigi was sobbing hard now, and her words were barely intelligible. “No…away…Cade…”

“What?” Billie whispered. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t hear that.”

Gigi pulled back again, with her hand still tight on the curl she had never let go of. “You’re mine,” she said, and the words were not only clear but fierce.

A very inappropriate flash of amusement swept through Billie, and she recognized it as giddy relief. She swallowed it down as she saw Conrad lean against the doorjamb out of the corner of her eye, something about his body loosening like a rope that had been stretched taut and then released.

“I am yours,” Billie assured her. “And I will always be yours, no matter what happens with your dad.”

Gigi’s face was still screwed up into a stubborn moue, but Billie saw something ease in the little girl, too, and the tears slowed. Her fingers worried the curl still tight in her grip.

“Cade went away,” Gigi said simply.

And, abruptly, it all made sense to Billie. Part of her brain wondered if this made it click for Conrad, too, but she was focused on Gigi and didn’t want to spare him a glance. They needed to have this conversation, and she didn’t want to clue the little girl into the fact that he was there since all of this seemed to be aimed at her father.

How in the world was she going to explain this to Gigi? How could she possibly explain the confidence she had in her relationship with Conrad? They still had never been on one complete date, and somehow Billie was one hundred percent sure that he was it for her. He and Gigi were Billie’s home. But even if he wasn’t, if—God forbid—he left her and decimated her heart, they would all still be okay.

Gigi has to come first. The words reverberated through Billie’s brain, and they weren’t hers. They were remembered from a long-ago conversation with Nic about how to do the hard things after Gigi was born.

Nic had licked her lips and continued, “Before me. Before Conrad. Honestly, sometimes I think I would shove him in front of a bus to save Gigi. Does that make me a bad person?”

And Billie had laughed and said, “Don’t worry. If someone needs to shove Conrad in front of a bus, I’ll do it for you. That’s just the kind of friend I am.”

“Oh my god,” Nic had said, but she had been laughing. “Just save Gigi, okay? If it’s a choice between me and the baby. Pick the baby.”

“Like you even have to tell me that,” Billie had said, genuinely offended.

Billie squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, Nic’s face flashing through her mind with that reassuring smile—the one that always said I adore you, Billie Sutton, you maniac.

Taking a soothing breath, Billie did her best to save Gigi. For Nic, sure, of course. But mostly for Gigi because, well, Gigi was the best thing that had ever happened to Billie.

“Breakups are really hard, sweetie,” was how Billie began. “Sometimes, after a breakup, one of the people needs to… to not see the person they were dating. Because it hurts too much to see them and making that hurt a little less is all that matters. Grownups call it getting space.”

Gigi still wasn’t looking Billie in the eye, and Billie felt like she was floundering. But she steeled her spine and kept trying.

“Cade needs space right now. She cared about your dad and you,” she said, stressing those last words, “a lot. It’s hard for her that she and your dad aren’t dating anymore.” She hesitated before saying the next, sending a silent prayer out to the universe that she was right. “Cade and I are not the same.”

Gigi’s eyes flicked up to Billie’s and then back down to the curl.

Bingo, Billie thought.

“We’re family. You, me, and your dad. But you and I are different,” Billie said. “And I don’t think I can explain that to you. And I know you hate it when we tell you that you’ll understand when you’re older, but, baby, I didn’t get it until I was close to forty.”

Gigi rolled her eyes, but her lips were pulling into a little smile at the corners.

“I didn’t get it until I met you. Nothing in the universe could make me stay away from you,” Billie said. “If your dad decided to break up with me, that wouldn’t change. You and I will never change. I will never need space from you. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Forever and always.”

When Gigi wrapped her arms around Billie’s neck again, her body was loose, and her grip was easy. Billie knew they hadn’t solved the problem. One conversation wasn’t going to be enough, but it was a start. The rest would take time.

She cleared her throat. “Can you talk to your dad? He loves you so much, and he’s really worried about you.”

Gigi nodded and slid from Billie’s lap to sit cross-legged on her unicorn sheets. Billie pressed a kiss to Gigi’s hair and whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Gigi said.

She stood, smoothing the skirt of her dress out of habit, and met Conrad’s gaze. As Conrad stepped past her, his eyes looked bruised. He paused as if he wanted to say something to her, but she tilted her head towards Gigi.

“Later,” she murmured and stepped into the hallway.

Conrad and Gigi didn’t say much. Gigi was too sleepy. And Billie couldn’t see what was happening around the door that she had pulled halfway shut, but she imagined they did a lot of cuddling.

She was leaning on the wall outside Gigi’s room, hands braced behind the small of her back, when Conrad stepped out and eased the door shut behind him. She tilted her head to the side and studied his face.

“Are you okay?” he asked, beating her to the punch.

“Not really,” she said, knowing her smile was wan. “But I feel better knowing what’s wrong. You?”

His face collapsed. “I really messed this up. With Gigi.”

“No, you didn’t,” Billie said.

“With Cade,” he continued. “With you.”

“No,” Billie said again. “You didn’t.”

He stared at her. “How can you say that?” he murmured. “We could have… If I hadn’t been running from this, then I never would have dated Cade—”

“You don’t know that,” she interrupted him. “I can’t speak for Cade. But I can speak for me, and I feel like I can speak for Gigi. We’re going to be fine, Conrad. It’s just going to take some time.”

“But—”

She gathered both of his hands in hers. “The choice you made when you started to date Cade was what you needed at the time. A casual relationship with someone you were attracted to and liked as a person, with the potential for more. Someone you could build a future with, one step at a time.”

“Back up. You think I still would have chosen Cade if I had known how you felt about me?” he asked, studying her.

“I don’t know,” Billie said, shrugging one shoulder.

“Well, I do. And I would not have.”

“Okay,” she said. “But maybe that would have been a mistake.”

He stared at her, mouth working.

“We,” she said, stressing the word, “are full of stakes. We have so much to lose here. There was no way to make us casual or ease into something real over time. We were going to be serious from day one. That’s just how it is. Maybe you weren’t ready for that.”

He started to speak again, and she cupped his cheek to still him.

“If so,” she said, “that is completely understandable. Did I like it? No. Did it hurt me? Yes. Did it make me unreasonably angry at the time? Hell yeah. But do I hold it against you? Absolutely not.”

Annoyance flashed across his face. “We’re going to argue about this later,” he said, stubborn. “Because I definitely would have chosen you, and I’ve been thinking about it for a few days now, and I’m slightly pissed that you didn’t tell me how you felt.”

She sighed quietly. “Okay, we can argue about that tomorrow night.”

“Saturday,” he muttered. “You have three surgeries tomorrow.”

But he had never let go of her hand, and he was absently playing with her fingers in his. And she was so far gone on him that the fact he was scheduling an argument with her—with thoughtful consideration for her stress level, no less—made her want to rise on her tiptoes and seal her mouth to his. But they weren’t done with this discussion.

“Uh-huh,” she said. “My point is that we’ll never know what would have happened. We only know what did happen, and where we are now. Thinking through what ifs and if onlys will never help us. Remember?”

She saw the moment he remembered their conversation from four years earlier.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Billie had said.

Conrad’s beard had been soaked with tears. Her arms had been wrapped around him, trying to hold all the broken pieces of him together as he wept. Both of his hands had been pressed to his mouth so that Gigi wouldn’t hear from her crib upstairs.

Billie had been on a date—half-heartedly going through the motions of trying to reenter normal life—when Conrad had called. Gigi had taken her first steps. And Nic hadn’t been there to see it.

Billie had barely explained the situation to poor Dave—a setup that Kit had only convinced Billie to accept by assuring her Dave wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship, just someone to take around while he got to know Atlanta. But making polite conversation without talking about the defining moment of her life—losing Nic—had been exhausting, and Billie had quickly realized she hadn’t been ready. She had driven like a bat out of hell to Conrad’s house and had found him an absolute mess on the floor.

He had sputtered out what Nic would have done, what Nic would have given to see Gigi’s first steps. He had talked about the things they would have been doing—he and Nic—if she had been there. He had outlined all the ways they would have celebrated, the next steps, what Nic would have thought and said and done. And Billie had wrapped her arms around him, trying to fill the holes she could feel in both of them, despite knowing it was an impossible task.

She had waited until the tears stopped to say it. And Conrad had barely even looked at her.

“Doing what?” he had asked, hoarse from the crying jag.

“Wondering what could have been,” she had whispered back. “Nic isn’t here, and I hate that. Torturing ourselves with the what ifs and if onlys is—”

“I can’t just stop thinking about her, Billie,” he had snapped, pulling away from her entirely.

“I know that,” she had snapped back. “I never said that, Conrad. But what if Gigi came downstairs right now, or heard you crying?”

He had looked away from her, stubborn and angry and silent.

“You want to be mad at me?” Billie had snarled at him, trying to keep her voice at whisper level. “That’s fine. Be mad. I can take it, Hawkins. Yell at me. Call me names. I’m still not going anywhere. I loved her, too, and I will never stop missing her. But we have to stop torturing ourselves. She isn’t here, Conrad. We have to live with that and find a way to move forward. Find a way to remember her and honor her that doesn’t leave us paralyzed.”

His throat had worked.

“For Gigi,” Billie had added. “If not for yourself. Gigi has to come first.”

“I know,” he had snapped, but some of the heat was gone from his voice.

Billie had taken a chance and reached out to grasp his wrist. She had kept her grip strong, a reminder that he could lean on her, and not too soft because she had thought he might shake her off if she tried that. He hadn’t moved, letting her touch him.

“You’re doing great,” she had said. “Nic would be so proud of you and the father you’ve become. But you are all Gigi’s got, and she has to come first."

At that, his head had fallen back against the wall with an audible clunk. Billie had forced herself not to wince in response, telling her neuro-self to shut it. But then he had nodded his head.

“No more what ifs,” he had agreed.

They had both known she was making it sound too easy. And Billie had known he was only agreeing to try. But agreeing had been enough. Trying had been enough. And, together, they had muddled through.

Standing outside of Gigi’s door, five years hovered around them. All of the rough moments that Billie and Conrad had muddled through together had shaped them into the two people standing there staring at each other, able to show each other their raw, unfiltered selves. Their history had grown like a living thing between them, each hard decision and uncomfortable conversation and touch of solace and piece of advice and kick in the ass had become a vine that entwined around them, through them, pulling them tighter and closer until Billie had no longer been sure where her world began and where Conrad’s ended.

Finally, Conrad nodded his head, just as stubborn and reluctant to concede as he had been four years prior. Her hand slid from his cheek down to rest against his chest. His heart thudded under her palm as they stared at each other.

“Where did you come from?” he whispered. He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

Her eyebrows knit together. “You’ve asked me that before,” she murmured back to him.

“Have I?” But he didn’t really seem to be paying attention. “I’m really sorry we had to cut our date short.”

She blinked at him. “Who said it was over? What, because we changed venues? You’re not getting off that easy, Hawkins.”

He didn’t laugh, like she was expecting. Didn’t even smile. But he did lean forward.

He moved so incrementally that, at first, she didn’t think he was moving at all. Then he braced a hand on the wall next to her head, and she realized he was easing into her body and closing the gap between them. Sweet anticipation spun through her chest, gathering up like cotton candy.

His second kiss was as slow as the first had been. She was better prepared this time, though, for the dueling waves of tenderness and heat that swamped her body.

His lips were soft, barely a whisper, brushing against hers once, twice, a third time. Then he settled in and pushed closer, mouth opening over hers. He still tasted like the mint leaves from Le Ciel.

Time seemed to stretch and lengthen as his lips moved against hers. Billie wasn’t sure she had ever been this happy. She had yearned for this with an acute ache for so long—the feeling of Conrad against her, of him wanting to be in her arms—that a part of her honestly couldn’t believe it was really, truly happening. But here he was holding her with soft hands, lips languid against hers—half comfort and half desire.

She felt a lump rising in her throat, and he seemed to sense that she needed a moment. Maybe her lips had started to tremble. He eased his mouth away, trailing soft kisses across her cheek. Her head slowly tilted to the side of its own volition, and Conrad followed the silent directive with more gentle kisses.

As his lips brushed down her neck, she let out an involuntary hum of pleasure that made his hand clench at her waist and pull her closer to him. She realized then that he wasn’t quite as relaxed and languid as she had thought. His control was on a tight leash.

But the sound had also reminded Billie that they were standing mere feet outside his daughter’s bedroom.

“Conrad,” she whispered. “Gigi.”

He pulled his mouth away from her skin but rested his forehead in the curve of her shoulder on a groan. “Right.”

The feeling of his fingers still clenched at her waist made her bold. “Change venues again?” she asked.

“God yes,” he muttered, and she stifled a giggle.

But as they both turned to put distance between themselves and Gigi’s door, they found the darkened doorway to Conrad’s bedroom staring back at them. Billie froze, immediately going rigid.

Conrad settled a hand in the curve of her lower back, radiating calm and soothing energy. “Not tonight,” he said.

Every muscle relaxed in Billie’s body. “Not tonight.”

“We go slow,” he said, using the hand on the small of her back to urge her body closer again.

A wide, brilliant, happy smile spread across her face as she rested both hands against his chest. “Slow,” she agreed.

Conrad smiled back, and they stood there in the hallway, simply smiling at each other for a long time. Heat simmered in his eyes, but the lines of his face were easy. She wondered what he saw in hers.

“Making out is slow,” Conrad said.

“True,” Billie said. She considered and then said, “As long as no clothes come off, that’s slow, right?”

Conrad paused, as if thinking this over, and he said, “I think there need to be hard lines, though. Tonight, first base. No further.”

“We just did that,” Billie said, pointing towards where he’d had her pressed against the wall.

“But I don’t think we’re ready for second,” he said.

“Really?” she asked, genuinely surprised. Then she narrowed her eyes at him. “Not ready, or too ready?”

He didn’t respond to that but took a deliberate step backward. “Why don’t we get a snack? That octopus thing was not very filling.”

“Yes, please,” she said. “Though, honestly, if all the courses were that size, we would have been in serious trouble even if we hadn’t been called away. Thank goodness we stuck to water.”

“I thought you loved places like that,” Conrad said, as he followed her down the stairs. “You donate to the ballet. You took Gigi to the opera gala last year. James took you to that experimental menu…thing.”

“Pop up,” she supplied, surprised he remembered that.

She glanced at Conrad as they moved into the kitchen. It had never occurred to her that he might be comparing them with her and James. But his face was calm—serene really—and she couldn’t discern a clue to his thoughts.

“Every once in a while, it’s nice to get dressed up and do something different,” she said, partly agreeing with him.

He nodded, back to her as he opened the fridge. She watched his muscles move under his button-up as he pushed things around inside, then let her eyes glance down at the grey trousers and dress shoes. He had looked almost foreign to her when she opened the door earlier that evening, so out of character.

It had been bugging her all night—until the distraction of Gigi’s crisis—that he had taken her to Le Ciel of all places. Why? Conrad was Waylon’s, through and through. He was shots of whiskey and always in motion. She had assumed there would be some sort of activity followed by a burger, with Conrad dressed in jeans and a cotton shirt. Instead, she had gotten Ultimate Romance Ken Doll on her porch, and now he was mentioning James and saying he thought she liked—

And it clicked into place for Billie.

Billie would have happily gone axe-throwing because Conrad would have enjoyed axe-throwing. She would have been terrible at it, fighting the nagging urge to remind him that beer and sharp weapons should never be paired, but she would have loved it because he would have been happy. And Conrad had happily pulled the few strings he had at his disposal to get a reservation at the nicest restaurant in the city because he thought she would enjoy it, even if it was entirely outside of his comfort zone.

She reached out and snagged the waistband of his pants as he passed her. He glanced down at her hand with clear surprise but tossed the bag of bread he was holding on the counter and crowded into her personal space. He settled a hand on the counter on either side of her body, caging her in with his full attention locked on her. Exactly how she liked it.

“If I had to pick the perfect date,” she said, palms finding his waist. “I’d pick you in jeans and a Henley any day.”

His brow furrowed in confusion, though he looked pleased anyway. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said, suddenly remembering to be embarrassed. “Shut up and kiss me.”

“Gladly.”

#fanfic #the resident #conradbillie #conbillie #cobillie #billie sutton #gigi hawkins #conrad x billie #billie x conrad

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kwop-kilawtley · 3 years

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**this is just an analysis that is like pretty obvious to a lot of you but I wanted to just write down while it’s fresh in my head**

So, I’ve been rereading breaking dawn (I did not want to as I hate breaking dawn. but the last time I read it was a decade ago & I was desperate for content after finishing eclipse) None of this is really anything new, it’s all stuff I’ve felt before & we all kind of know but I want to write my thoughts on it since it’s fresh in my mind & I’m reading it as an adult.

I knew it always sucked but reading it with a pair of fresh eyes has made me realize exactly what I hate. I also read it more objectively & tried to be open minded. I put my personal bias aside & tried to read it just as it is & understand why people like it or fucking why Smeyer wrote it lol. I thought “maybe I hate this book Bc I cannot relate to motherhood Bc I am not someone who wants a child” so I tried to just read it with actually trying to understand Bella thinking this was a miracle or some sort.

Let me start off by saying I actually enjoyed reading some parts of the honeymoon, Jacobs POV & Bella’s absolute brutal transformation. I also like the first chapters of her living as a vampire. While I enjoyed reading them, there were so many issues between those pages & sure I can enjoy reading a fanfic but doesn’t mean it feels right. The book just does not fucking feel right whatsoever.

I think the big draw to Twilight is that a human & vampire should not have fallen in love in the first place. But they did, which is where it drew us all in. The taboo, the strain, the literal agony between Edward & Bella is what I always liked. Romeo & Juliet style shit. Drama. Passion. Otherworldly love that just doesn’t exist. Throw Jacob in the mix with the constant torn feelings between immortality & someone who truly loves you & could be human with. I am completely obsessed w Bella being with two guys who both fill something in her in very different ways & it matures her. They’re the only books that truly fucking ignite something in me as dumb as that may sound to some. It was also my first introduction to anything like this as a kid. So the magic still lingers in the pages as an adult. The nostalgia. I truly fucking LOVE Twilight lol. So with that being said, when Bella finally makes a CHOICE, of course we expect the magic to die a little bit at least. Of course it had to end somehow & yes it makes sense she becomes a vampire. So that in itself is where some of that passion dies a bit & the chapter ends because it HAS to. This was expected to be felt in Breaking Dawn. BUT.. I truly believe that it is very much true that Meyer literally killed the magic in her series. It didn’t just like simmer down naturally, the way it should have. She straight up picked the magic out with the way she wrote the plot in BD. It doesn’t feel like the same series.

I felt this in the very beginning of the book when Bella is driving a car other than her Chevy. Sure, it’s just a car & characters will get new cars. But it was a rare sportscar that hasn’t even come out yet, something she’d never pick or even want. Like it just felt so wrong reading that.

I felt most of the wedding stuff was literally against her will. I tried viewing this in a diff light & was happy she did actually end up enjoying it & think Bella deserved something nice. But it was the first indication her personality was being stripped away. The most emotion I felt with the wedding was when Jacob came. I didn’t feel like I was reading a story about the same person anymore it was weird.

I had many feelings of this just being something a lonely older woman who wishes she was young again was writing. Like a fanfic fr.

The honeymoon, I liked parts of it. It was nice to finally get some intimacy between them. But then it’s just like, too ridiculous. Not once in the whole series has Bella even mentioned having her period. Why didn’t we get that in the previous books tho.. like even SUBTLY. She’s dating a fuckin vampire for crying out loud who slept w her every night. Some more physical human Bella with Edward just entirely not understanding other than just eating/sleeping. IDK! Maybe I’m reaching lol but ya

Ok then the baby growth thing just obviously throws me off completely. Her being pregnant at all just sucks which we know but you don’t get enough time to even really comprehend it as a reader. Like yes this is a fantasy series I get that. But it literally goes against everything we know about the characters & vampires physically.

I am def not someone who wants a baby, but I do have maternal feelings that I project on my family, friends & animals. So I tried really hard to understand Bella. There were times I did. I think when she initially first had thoughts of it being some sort of miracle, I kind of understood where she was coming from. She knew she wasn’t going to make it out human with the baby. But IDK something that bothered me SOOO much was how she was like wishing it only looked like edward.

I started to understand that she didn’t exactly WANT a baby, but felt she had to because it was the only time she possibly could have a chance at having one & she didn’t want to deny herself of that. It was like she found a loophole & thought she shouldn’t have passed it up.

The fact that everyone is against it honestly helped make the pregnancy parts much more tolerable. They all thought Bella was nuts which was like okay, so not everyone has just lost their shit. I think Esme should have been just as involved as Rosalie since she actually had given birth.

If Edward was for having the baby, there’d be no way I could even tolerate to read it. So I kind of liked Edward & Jakes alliance & how they hated it lol. Definitely grounded it & made me feel a little less like I was reading something completely different.

I also obv love Jake & I loved his perspective & reading his growth. There was nothing more gut wrenching when Jacob thought she died. Shit killed me. I wish we got that part in Edwards POV as well tbh.

The imprinting I don’t have to say anything about. I hate it. There’s nothing that can make me think it’s okay. It’s genuinely fucking disturbing reading that the character I loved so much basically is now gone. Like I wanted Jake to grow up but not forced into this sick shit. We basically lost him & are force fed to feel that imprinting is okay. When it’s just fucking weird.

Perhaps Smeyer should not have made imprinting seem like a romantic thing throughout the series. You can’t just like take that back. It’s where everything went from “meh” to fucking wrong.

Had Jacob not imprinted on Rigatoni & just met someone else, I don’t think I’d hate this book as much. This is obvious stuff I know but again this is from the most non bias objective view that I can possibly have.

Him imprinting is not only fucking wrong. It makes Jake & Bella’s love seem all for nothing & like that was the point. Smeyer thought maybe that was good to tie it off, but in reality sort of just makes the previous books dimmer. Which again is why BD feels like a completely separate thing.

Now to vampire bella. Listen okay I thought the transformation was awesome and brutal. I also liked hearing how she saw the world. Was good in the first few chapters of part 3. But it wore off fast. The fact her human memories were dim sucked. The fact she had incredible self control sucked. I wanted her to fucking suffer. Like really suffer. Not just burning a little bit & able to forget about it. I wanted feral bella that almost kills Rigatoni. I wanted her to have to be locked away & have Edward train her. It would’ve even been cool if she got to a human, maybe even a friend of hers. Maybe that’s too much for some people but honestly, all the shit she has gone through and all the constantly talk of fear of being a vampire. The cullens were supposed to be exceptions. They were able to control themselves after centuries living the lifestyle.

It would’ve been cool if she got to a human friend which sort of snapped her into reality a bit & made her remember all her human past. I think the rest of the book after Bella’s transformation is just people being like “wow, incredible, I’ve never seen anything like it”

Like why tho? Why does she get this? Why did we read 3 fucking books of warnings of vampirism & longing & pain & how much Edward hated what he was for Bella to turn out to be perfect? It made no sense. Perhaps it could make sense that her being a shield contributes to her self control but whatever, makes for a boring book.

The whole Volturi thing was an easy way to end it I guess. You can really tell when Smeyer is just rushing to finish the thing. You can feel her just rush through very dumb explanations. Total loss of passion in the most crucial part of the saga & she just seriously blows it.

Everytime Bella says “my” or “our” daughter, I get thrown off. Everytime Resource speaks in full sentences, I get thrown off. Rushed. & just nonsense honestly.

Rigatoni should’ve never been born or if she was, Jake shouldn’t have imprinted & she should’ve died within a few years. It literally only makes sense.

A lot of this book should have stayed in Meyer’s head. It shouldnt have been canon. The timeline is completely fucked. But I will say that I enjoyed reading it more than I thought I would. Like I thought I wouldn’t be able to but surprisingly there were moments that I liked. There were moments where it did feel canon. Usually the little things. But I don’t regret rereading it, I just probably will not do it again for another 10 years lol.

Anyway, that’s all for now. If you read this I’m sure you thought most of this was very obvious lol. But I needed to just write my immediate thoughts out. Can’t wait to reread the series again tho & cleanse with new moon.

#breaking dawn #thoughts #analysis #twilight

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mikeshanlon · 3 years

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what do you think are the other ggreboot characters zodiacs?

okay so just gonna like ramble about some placements i think they might have and disclaimer i am no expert or necessarily Fixed in these possible placements. also every sign has good and bad and manifests itself in diff ways so if u dont love the placements i chose sorry babes bladididahhh okay continuing

julien: def think she is a gemini, i think she def gives mutable/gemini sign vibes both in how sometimes she will be a lot more calculated and "bitchy" and then be a lot softer (not saying geminis are two faced but multifaceted), and in how she wants to grow over the course of the season and become more authentic. especially with how geminis are curious and want to see how the world works and question things, the more she explore the more she understands herself. geminis are also super fun and magnetic which i think fits her vibe. plus i think she is definitely a good communicator, even tho i think her speech in 1.04 was.... something... she was able to pull it out on the spot and be well spoken and convince the party goers, so very good with her communication imo. leo rising, bc u kno Magnetic Grand Influencer. always aware of how shes percieved. can be rash, but like, she's fun, shes got a warm heart.

zoya: zoya is canonically a libra (october 22). i think that fits in a lot of aspects, she definitely embodies the traits of libra that are very concerned with justice, and i do think she is diplomatic/logical (her knowing whats important to her and not as caught up in the world of reputation as the others), tho less of a... pushover/peacekeeper as aki is. also her love of the arts in reading/plays. def think she probably has aquarius placements given again the sense of justice but also her being more outspoken/rebellious/unpredictable... aqua mars maybe? could be a cancer moon, for the idea of nostalgia/past, wanting home and security, hating superficiality.

aki: obviously i have not shut up abt him being a libra sun. i just know it in my bones its the introverted libra blueprint the peacekeeping the innocent nature the love of art (film in his case) his magnetic lover pretty boy energy, a pretty defined Aesthetic. diplomatic, always looking at things through logic. libra mercury as well for similar reasons, diplomatic and reserved with his words, objective, tries to make everyone happy even at his own expense (hello forgiving/apologizing to audrey and max for all the shit they did lmao). i think he has a pisces moon because i do think he's sensitive and cares deeply and quite dreamy in his own head but not going to be maybe as reactive as a cancer/scorpio moon. they are a lil weird they can kind of be a pushover/doormat, its the vibes. aquarius rising bc he does have the Mysterious Aloof vibes esp if you don't know him, a loner, a bit weird, abstract outlook, nervous. mayhappssss pisces mars bc its again like p romantic and sensitive but they can be kinda hard to pin down and less agressive but i havent Nailed down a venus/mars yet.

audrey: taurus sun i think. i love the idea that two of the sides of their love triangle are represented by venus and i think it fits with them-- both find love very important and have love for each other, but it doesnt really work romantically bc of their diff styles (like personally as a libra loveee them as friends idk if i could really be in a relationship tho). taurus is fixed and resistant to change bc its what they know, ie, her not wanting to move at all. interesting in aesthetics, being classy, etc. wont hold back her judgement (also guessing she has some fire in her bc of how much she lashes out. mayhaps aries or leo). loyal, at least to julien and the idea of friendship and partnership lmao. wants a loyal partner who stays by her side no matter what. also her love of reading and cooking and domesticity is very taurean. this may be bc of her big eyes but i feel like she has a water rising, i think scorpio rising fits best, she can be quite intimidating, she wants privacy, determined, she wants a reliable partner again. can be impatient.

max: leo sun-- im sorry maybe too obvious LMAO but he's just like very charming, confident, wants fun, dramatic af, loves an indulgent moment, wants people to want him. but also i think very warm and nice to his friends when they need it, like going out with julien, or in softer moments like helping audrey with her mom and cooking breakfast for her and aki. leos are also quite funny which i think max is. he's mischevious, he wants vibrance. i also think leo/taurus and leo/libra compatibility make sense for the love triangle lmao. aries moon, likes confrontation, likes drama, want what they want (and often, they have lots of diff crushes) and will go after it. impulsive. want instant gratifcation, to live life charging ahead and in the moment. don't understand skirting around emotions. i think gemini or sag in mars, because of the freedom/independent aspects, fun, and also the sexuality of the mars signs.

monet: capricorn sun and mercury, she knows what she wants, she wants success and power, and shes going to figure out the most effecient way to get there, no matter what. shes going to protect what she cares about most, shes not gonna deal with the bullshit, a bit of a hater of everything. wealth, oppulence. DEFINITELY has a strong scorpio placement / mars energy--probably scorpio mars as at least one placement: ready for war, secretive, observant, calculating. i think maybe aries rising, direct action, competitive, want to lead, blunt and brusque, quick to drop if its not working, with scorpio and cap placements that drive and aggression to be on top increases.

luna: i think she's a virgo sun, she's calculating/discerning, shes a bit judgy, she has rules and order and you're going to fucking follow them! she's observant, able to figure out things like monet's betrayal. def think shes a libra rising, she is so etheral and magnetic, social. while i dont think her libra manifests in a super diplomat way like zoya or aki, i do think she does try to compromise and find balance in certain areas, like going along with the zoya and julien sister narrative and making it work even though she didnt rlly want to. also the style aspect of her character is v libra rising. leo mercury, she's dramatic and fun and has an ego and some u kno.. scathing shit to say lmao.

obie: okay im sorry he is such a fucking toxic pisces male. projecting fantasies onto ppl and then getting upset when they dont fulfill that? yup! mutable as fuck, never really taking a stand in activism, family, love. wanting to be a martyr. staying in situations he doesnt think will work out bc he wants them to--like waiting until he had an excuse to leave julien, or thinking that maybe things werent good with zoya but holding on. hates when ppl critique him. maybe venus in libra bc very idealistic about what he wants in a relationship and wants things done a certain way or else hes like wtf. idc abt his other placements lmfao

#gossip girl #gossip girl spoilers #ask #anon

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whenisaypostquam-yousaynumquam · 4 years

Text

Bathroom Beta

||Crystal Methyd Smut||

Pairings: Crystal Methyd (Cody) x fem!reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: A/B/O Dynamics, smut

Request: Yes!

“I wanna see a diff side of Crystal Methyd”

Well, girl… you got it!

Notes: I have never written A/B/O dynamics before, but because of the request I thought I’d give it a try. I’m not 100% about this imagine, so I’m sorry if it sucks

Edited: April 26, 2020

________

You felt him first before you saw him. You could feel his energy, the powerful and raw waves screaming at you. His scent all but invaded your senses and sent your mind into a fuzzy and confused mess. You could barely focus on anything else but him… although you couldn’t see him, you knew that he was coming closer. You wanted him… no, you needed him.

***

As an omega in the world you were typically considered fresh meat to any and all alphas, and you absolutely despised it. You couldn’t stand being treated like some possession all the time, and you refused to be treated as less of an equal just because of who you were, so you swore off alphas altogether… no matter how tempting they might have been. But the issue with that was that your only other options were betas and other omegas, all of whom just never seemed to satisfy your craving for love and lust. You felt empty and alone half the time, even when you had a partner during the haze of your heat or during the mating season, you never felt happy or fulfilled with any of them. Especially not when you saw all of your friends so happily in love with their mates, some even with bonding marks to seal the deal, and others with pups on the way. In order to get you out of your miserable state, your friends decided that you needed to have a fun night out with just the girls. So off you all went to the sleaziest human bar in town to try and drink away your feelings, and finally feel yourself relax away from all the others in the hierarchy.

You were off to the side of the dance floor standing at a table with your friends. You were sipping the most disgustingly strong and fruity drink you’ve ever had, and if you weren’t already several drinks in you surely would have spit it out by now. Your slightly inebriated state made your mind start to wander as your one friend continued on talking about how good her alpha mate was in bed. ‘How typical’, you thought with a slight roll of your eyes. This night was supposed to be to help you not think about mates or alphas. Yet here your friends were, running their mouths about how good it felt to have their alpha knot in them. You weren’t sure if it was the conversation or the disgusting drink you were slowly sipping on that made you feel sick, but you used it as an excuse to get away anyways. You were able to walk off to the bathroom without notice from your friends, the girls all being too absorbed in their racy conversation to pay your leave any mind.

As you stood in the dingy bar bathroom with your arms propped onto the sink, your eyes were glued to your reflection in the smudged mirror. Your breath was slightly heavy as you continued to gaze at yourself, wondering what it was about you that made it so difficult to find the right man to love. Your self-deprecating gaze was soon broken when you caught whiff of a scent. This scent was unlike any you’ve ever encountered before. It was a warm and inviting blend of sandalwood and oranges. It was absolutely intoxicating, making a heat immediately flush your entire body as you had to squeeze your eyes shut… you could feel yourself heating up at an incredible pace, your breathing was becoming laboured, and you needed to rest your hand against the mirror in front of you to keep yourself from falling over. The intense feelings that rushed throughout your body was a tell tale sign that your heat was just set off. Normally you were able to control something like this, never having let it happen in the first place, but you blamed the alcohol mixed with the heavenly scent for this blunder. But… now what were you gonna do?

***

You could still smell the intoxicating aroma of sandalwood and oranges which caused your heat to grow more and more intense with each second that passed by. The slick that pooled between your legs gave no comfort to the fact that your heat was raging on, and you were stuck inside this dingy bathroom… alone. All you could do was focus on the scent while trying to calm yourself down, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how well that was going for you. But then it changed, the scent became stronger, until you almost couldn’t stand it any longer. In your delirious state you didn’t clue into the fact that the owner was coming closer to you until the main door to the bathroom flung open with a loud bang. You gasped and whipped around towards the doorway to find a man standing there.

Beta, you thought.

His breathing was just as laboured as yours was, chest heaving up and down at such a fast pace you were almost concerned he couldn’t breath. His brown eyes were wide, and his gaze was glued to you, taking in every inch of your body. Your eyes did much the same, observing the features of his face like his round glasses and high cheekbones, how his ears stuck out from the sides of his head, and that his curly hair was styled into a mullet that came just past his somewhat broad shoulders. He was hot and you were entranced by him.

Not a moment later he slammed the door shut and locked it from the inside. You gulped down the lump that formed in your throat at the thought of being locked in a room alone with this man. When he turned back around he quickly pressed his back to the door, as if he was trying to keep his distance from you, and squeezed his eyes shut as he spoke, “Omega… I can smell you.” He said, his raspy voice sending shockwaves down to your core, and making it very difficult to strangle back the moan that threatened to escape your lips. “Believe me, I wouldn’t be in this state if I couldn’t smell you.” Your voice was breathless as you tried to keep yourself calm, nodding your head towards him to try and prove an equal point. He didn’t even try to mask the growl that came from deep within his throat, eyes now locked intensely on you. The sound alone was enough to elicit a soft whimper from you. That was all both of you needed before he lunged at you.

The beta backed you up against the counter of the sink, his lean arms caging you in before he ducked his head down and crashed his lips upon your awaiting ones. The kiss was messy to say the least as your tongues intertwined, the battle for dominance was one that your omega self submitted to, allowing the higher ranked beta to take over. Your hands soon tangled themselves into the curly locks of his unique hairstyle, tugging on some of the strands to pull more groans from his delicious lips. His bony fingers were roaming all over the upper half of your body; from running along your sides, pulling you closer to his chest by your back, and groping at your chest… you were in pure bliss. The touch of his hands set trails of fire blazing in the wake of their deliberate movements. Parting only slightly so that he could trail open mouth kisses across your neck he spoke once more, “I should probably introduce myself… I’m Cody.” He said after sucking, what you could only assume to be, a dark purple spot onto the side of your neck. It wasn’t near your scent gland, so he hadn’t bonded you… and for some reason the thought of this man you had only just met not doing that made you somewhat upset. “I’m Y/N” you breathed out, raking your nails down his chest, which was clad in a slightly out of date short sleeved and striped button up. You could feel more and more slick start to drip from your core and coat your jean clad thighs as he continued his assault on your neck. Soon enough, much to your liking, he firmly started to rock his hips against yours… the sweet friction feeling like absolute heaven. The moan that left your lips came from deep within you, and it spurred Cody on to continue. After a few blissful moments of heated friction he reached down and unbuttoned your jeans, shimmying them down your thighs. You easily kicked both them and your shoes off, and the moment you did, Cody was back on you with his lips firmly attached to yours in the most delectable kiss you’ve ever received.

Placing his hands behind your thighs he swiftly placed you up onto the counter top, slotting himself between your open legs to continue to grind his own jean clad crotch against your almost bare core. The friction this time sent waves of pleasure throughout your body, the feeling alone creating more slick than you thought you already had. “Beta…” you moaned out between your kiss, hips bucking against his slightly as you gently clawed at his clothes and clenched your thighs around his slender hips. The message was clear, and no sooner had the whine left your mouth were his pants dropped around his ankles with his firm and achingly pink shaft rubbing against you panty clad core. You both gasped at the feeling, the sensation being downright exquisite.

“Are you ready, baby?” He asked, nose nudging against your cheek and allowing you to feel his breath fan over your neck, while he continued the movement of almost desperately grinding his hips against yours. “Please…” you whimpered in response, your hands tangling themselves in his hair once again. That was all the cue he need before pulling your plain black panties to the side and slowly rubbing his cock between your now bare and slick folds. A guttural moan escaped from Cody’s lips before he once again sealed them against yours. You could feel the prominent and thick vein on his shaft firmly rub against your sensitive clit, causing the pleasure to rip right through you. You loved this feeling, and could most likely die happy with Cody’s cock grinding against your heat… but you wanted more, you needed more. Tugging firmly on his curly locks you hoped that it sent enough of a signal to him that you wanted him to do more. You wanted him so bad that your whole body aches in anticipation.

It didn’t take long before his firm length pushed past your entrance and filled you up. Your coating of slick allowing for him to fill you to the point where you could feel the coarseness of his pubic hair brush against your sensitive bundle of nerves, eliciting a gasp from you and an almost shy smile to appear on his handsome face. He started off slowly rocking his hips against yours, but soon increased his speed tenfold, wanting to chase the high that both of you were yearning for. As he pumped in and out of your core he gently placed one hand on your back, firming pressing your body against his own. Now chest to chest you could feel the erratic beating of his heart, and knew full well that your own was doing the same. The delicateness and care that this man still had for you as he fucked you to pure bliss was endearing, so much so, that this time you were the one that crashed your lips against his. This kiss was slow in comparison to the other ones you shared, it held a tenderness that came from somewhere you didn’t know but still appreciated. Sooner than you rather had liked you felt the heat build up in your lower stomach more intensely than before, signaling that you were nearing your end. The extra sensitivity you felt as you came closer to your high allowed for more moans and whimpers to escape you than before. Noticing the change in you, Cody changed his rhythm, speeding up more than he had already been. However this time it felt different, it felt as if something was catching within you, but you paid it no more than a simple thought, your mind too focused on chasing the high that loomed just at the end of that heated coil. As the coil burned hotter and hotter, tighter and tighter, you inhaled sharply before you exploded. Intense shakes wreaked throughout your body as the most pleasureful climax you’ve ever had occurred. It only took Cody a few more pumps before he abruptly stopped and shot his load deep within you.

It took you both a moment to come down from you highs, leaning against each other and both slightly gasping for air. When Cody finally caught his breath he went to pull out of you, only for the both of you the yelp at the sharp pain that occurred. Looking down at your joined bodies for a moment it finally occurred to you, “Did you just…?” You trailed off, still somewhat confused as to how this could have been possible… he wasn’t an alpha. “Oh my god, I am so sorry! How embarrassing…” he said placing his hands over his face to show just how embarrassed he truly was. “I swear, I’ve never done this before.” He said, voice somewhat rushed, as if he was trying to show his remorse for it all.

The whole situation was just so strange that you couldn’t help but to start to laugh. Thankfully this calmed him down enough for him too started laughing as well. “You must be one special beta to be able to knot.” You chuckled while twirling strands of his hair around your finger; partly to try and calm him down, and partly for your own enjoyment. “Hey!” He said, voice cracking somewhat “In my defense, your scent just smells so good… I couldn’t help it!” His embarrassment was endearing to say the least, causing a smile to grace your lips. “Likewise” your voice was just barely above a whisper with a smile still clearly on your face, and when you looked at him, Cody had a smile that matched your own as he reached up and gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

You felt a connection to this man, one you had never felt before in your entire life, and this fact alone made you sad to think that you’ll never see him again after this. That was until Cody spoke up once again, “I know this might sound strange, but I’d really like to see you again… wanna come to my drag show tomorrow night?” He said with his voice cracking every once and a while, “Drag show?” You questioned causing a wide smile to spread across his handsome features. “Yeah!” He said, “My drag name is Crystal Methyd” his excitement for the upcoming show and having invited you made your heart flutter. You were happy that he seemed to want to see you again too. “I’d love to go to your show.” You were truly sincere in your words, causing the smile you both had to continue to be plastered onto your faces.

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myfandomrambles · 6 years

Text

Jess Mariano Character Analysis (Expanded)

Facts:

Abandoned by his father as an infant

Grew up with a neglectful mother

His mother dealt with minor alcohol dependency throughout his childhood

mother dated “losers, “deadbeats” giving an unstable childhood.

Seemingly smoked from a youngish age, and found taking beer as minor normal behaviour for him

Was sent to live with an uncle he had little of a relationship with

was continuously hated by the town

formed a bond with Rory and became very attached

Struggles in school while understanding most of the material.

Sticks to solitary behaviours

Has very limited social interaction. Only seeming to form connections with few people.

Mother goes through periods of radio silence.

Finds he would rather be in stars hollow than his original home (NYC)

Breaks taboos and rules often.

Runs away when faced when he fails high school and fights with his uncle

Searches for belonging with his biological father

Was willing to come to celebrate his mother’s marriage, even when he was wary of her husband and didn’t have a trusting relationship with his mother.

finds himself through creating and working within the art scene

Analysis:

Jess is a character who simultaneously is presented as a cliche Bad Boy, and love interest in many ways, but is also a character who breaks the dichotomy of Lorelai’s world vs Emily’s world, he isn’t either of these worlds which makes him a standout character even if he isn’t a lead for the majority of the show. But in a thematic and plot way, he is seamless in the story. His plot is reminiscent of many of the full-time leads, and struggles with many of the same problems of our leads but coming from a different background and world.

When the show starts Jess is already jaded and grown in ways he shouldn't be yet. He's experienced a lot of material and emotional hardships with no one even attempting to help him understand. He's casual about drinking, smoking, sex, and having to support himself. But he isn't exactly mature, he does all these things without being able to process them or react to new stress well. He is still a teen who feels he has nothing. I think he experiences something a lot of kids who experience unstable childhoods do simultaneously having to be older than you are, but not getting there in a way that allows it to be true maturity. Often struggling once you are a real adult to having the context to work with what you know.

His relationship with Rory is one that is s central point in both of their narratives. It’s sweet and cute at a lot of times, romantic in the way only happens with people who aren’t yet adults tragic in how it ends. Their relationship was also kind of cursed from the start having formed while Rory was still in love with someone else. The relationship also is plagued with problems in the form of neither of them knowing how to communicate. Jess is working through everything from his childhood, and Rory has a warped vision of relationships she can’t push through. Jess is also overly attached to Rory because he’s the only person she even likes, and the only person who shows open affection for him. The first end to the story is a kind bittersweet tragedy, it’s ar a crossroads point in time for both of them. It’s done beautifully with Jess knows this is goodbye and Rory I think kind know too, she’s not surprised he cut and run, though she is of course hurt.

After he runs away he stays in love with her but doesn’t ever properly communicate. He is still used to cutting and running, and Rory is tired of being the one left behind. This is exemplified in the scenes where he admits he loves her but neither of them knows what to do with it, then when he asks her to run away with him she can’t trust him. Then at the bookstore, we notice he still loves her, but she doesn’t love him. This clearly hurts jess, but by that point, he has a life to fall back on. But their relationship did change them for the better Jess references her being the only one who really believed in him, and He pushes Rory back into college. His reality check helps remind Rory that she isn’t only a Gilmore like her grandparents but also a Gilmore like her mother. Reminds her of her dreams and talent. He pushes her to try and not let Emily mould her into what she wants her to be. In A Year In The Life, we see him again help Rory find her way, his ability to be a foil to her erratic way of viewing the world is even stronger here as he has been in a stable life for a while, and he still cares for her quite a bit.

Jess’s relationship with Luke is the second most pivotal during the story. It’s an extremely dysfunctional relationship. This comes from Jess never having had a real parent figure he can’t accept Luke’s attempts to support him. Luke has never been a father before and having stunted emotional communication make it hard for him to articulate his thoughts. He can only show his care through actions. Buying him nicotine patches, building him a room, bringing him back from new york and trying to get him to stay in school. Another factor in the struggles they have is Luke is equally connected to Lorelai & Rory. He considers Rory his responsibility as much as Jess, even taking “her side” after the car accident. Their relationship does form into a deeper connection after Jess starts to find his way and appreciate what his uncle meant to do. When Luke visits him at his job and then when Jess visits in AYITL we see that they are able to truly connect as they both learn to work on their struggles. We also see through that Jess still has his characteristic slightly cynical view on the world easily assuming Lorelai is leaving Luke instead of trying to have Luke just ask her what's wrong. Though he does still come to visit him before the wedding showing he does support Luke and Lorelai's wedding even if he and Lorelai were never best friends.

As for his mother Liz, by the point, he enters the show she has sent him away instead of dealing with his mental health and behavioural issues. He even only calls her by her first name and doesn’t really try and repair the relationship even when he comes for her wedding, it’s clearly based around Luke wanting him there. Then even after he comes from her wedding she never tries to involve him in the future up to him never meeting his half-sister Dula. She is clearly a neglectful mother, not out of any kind of malice but by never being able to put him before her own whims. She dated around, married multiple people they all describe as loser and deadbeats, not getting to know jess as a person and struggling with implied alcohol addiction (ex: she has only ever been sober for one wedding). This affects him greatly and a large part of his character is learning what to do with this. In AYITL Jess explains he has to go help his mother and sister after they joined a cult, within the narrative, it comes across as mostly an explanation for Jess leaving and where the other characters are. However this raises a question of how much connection Jess has to his mother and sister at this point, and it shows he might have taken up Luke's role of bailing Liz out now that he's an adult.

Lorelai and Jess are generally antagonistic most of the time, though she does work to apologise when Rory is in love with them. Their visceral reactions based on their similarities not based on differences. Neither of them grew up in a loving household, neglect and poverty in Jess’s case and psychological and emotional abuse for Lorelai. Jess is a lot like a young Lorelai trying to do anything to rebel from the status quo, he acts as a mirror to her past mistakes and some of her personal issues. Jess dislikes her she’s just another judgmental adult, she actually does understand what he’s going for trying to connect with a teen like that doesn’t work right off the bat, they have to see it. She isn’t actually thrown off by him being rude that isn’t her problem, she only really gets defensive when he attacks her relationships and motives. Then he worries he might hurt her daughter and friend also.

I do think Jess is being a jerk in their conversation in Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy with her because he didn’t want to be there. But I don’t read him assuming she is sleeping with luke is just wanting to be a jerk, I think that was honestly what he assumes. In Jess’s eyes that would be bad and the only reasons, someone would view another person as that good. People dating and marrying his mother was destabilizing form as a kid I think in his mind if Lorelai was that to Luke it would just follow the pattern.

He is averse to Stars Hollow style of life, but he also seems to want the security of that lifestyle. Even choosing to come back after returning to New York for a period of time. He wants to be close to Rory again hoping she would choose him, and he is going back to the only stability he’s ever had.

The rest of the town generally hates him because he pushes back on many of the assumptions they have with life. He doesn’t want to be part of the town and doesn’t believe in the small town interconnection. Jess doesn’t believe that the way stars hollow is a family is worth people being nosy or wanting him to be someone he isn’t. None of the town regulars cares about him, takes his motivations into account, or listens to Rory or Luke when they say he isn’t the worst bad guy. Dean and he are rivals for Rory’s affection, Jess usually pissing Dean off in the process.

The only other person who likes him at all is his girlfriend Shane, but their relationship is shallow and I think they both knew that. Jess dates her I think because he came back to Stars Hollow to not be alone, he assumed Rory wanted him as well. But Rory is gone for the whole summer cutting him off, so he hangs out with someone who will pay him attention. They also do a lot of PDA and possibly go further it's not clear again I think it's some form of connection that doesn't include his emotions. Shane doesn't really seem all that upset that there is definitely an aspect of their relationship that is showing off for Rory. She doesn't like it, but i don't think she's as hurt as she could be becuase i don't think she loved jess also seeing it as just some fun. This relationship also doesn't make him anymore liked in town, or give him a connection to Stars Hollow.

Jess seems to simultaneously be bored in school but also struggles to view himself as adequate. He has no drive to finish school and cuts and runs instead of facing fallout, being pushed over the edge when he feels like Luke is angry with him too. He doesn’t ever flex the intelligence he has or skills with writing till the end. This is stated to be because of boredom and wanting money, I also think that he probably missed things in school. People who have unstable childhoods often miss multiple days in school, struggle to focus while in school, and may find it to feel impractical with so much else going on. Even if someone could understand and excel when given the information you can miss lessons that are hard to make up. As you get older there become things teachers assume you know, particularly in math, science and foreign language courses.

His lack of self-esteem often makes him rejects attention while also seeming to really want healthy connections. Or he experiences an obsessive connection as he does with Rory. This also plays into not always paying attention to what he needs and not believing he can be more than other people assume he is.

Jess acts out from wanting to express his anger which is then fed by the town anger and rejection of his presence. He does stupid stunts and fights with the people he loves. It’s a think a way to express anger and somewhat to get attention (usually Rory’s or Luke’s) he does want someone to care but doesn’t know.

Jess makes mistakes that hurt Luke And Rory. With Rory, some top examples are stealing her bracelet, not communicating with her and leaving without ever talking to her. With Luke, the mistake is mostly mutual neither of them know how to show or accept affection from the other. Jess usually resorting to trying to piss off his uncle and Luke not figuring out how to deal with issues before he reaches a breaking point. These problems are greatly connected to his trauma but are still things he should have tried to work on.

Jess is a character who I find is either demonized or over-romanticized. I think what both of these reads mistakenly view him as only a romance character, basing almost their entire read of him through a high school romance or Nicholas Sparks book lens. The reason Jess works in this story aren’t those influences they are present but why he works is he a different view on the main themes of the story.

It’s undeniable that Gilmore Girls is a story about family/generations, culture differences, and dealing with broken family relationships. Jess is driven by these themes as much as Rory or Lorelai. The family/generations theme isn’t as in your face with Liz and jess not sharing much screen time, but it’s still there, it acts mostly as prologue but it’s still the inciting event in his arc. His story with luke is also based on family, a found family arc to some extent. Then with broken relationships again his story is based on dealing with the fallout of his abusive and neglectful childhood, he isn’t managing broken relationships like most of the others but managing the way it changed him. Jess is an arc of someone having to overcome this, and it causes him to crash many times. Lastly, the culture clash is still important, You have the blue blood yale culture, the small town of middle-class Americana, and then Jess is a person who lives in shit in a dirty city. I think those themes are the crux of why jess works, his character is another view on the themes and motifs the story is built on, like with the others those motivations drive his relationship with Rory.

Jess is a character who only was major in two seasons but manages to be one of the most loved people on the show. He’s a character that if you watched it as a kid/teen you probably crushed on a little bit. He’s controversial but relatable to people who have similar backstories and his level of disillusionment with life plays well on the rose-coloured manic world Rory and Lorelai inhabit.

There is also such a skilful ability that even with it being slightly scattered his growth in the later seasons is believable, at each stage we see how he was able to internalize what he learned during his main arch and work it into his natural art and survival instincts. I wish we had seen more of it, but it is also one of the most hopeful and real stories on the show.

ADHD:

Inattentiveness

hyper fixations

Hyperfocus

Misunderstanding social input

Stimulus seeking

RSD

Hyperstimulate

Inability to focus in school

Works better in environments of action or art

Impulsive behaviour

Irritability

AVPD:

Struggles with maintaining relationships

avoids face to face interactions

negative self-perceptions

A safe person with Rory (ie: I don’t like anyone else)

Hides his feelings

avoids participating in group activities

heads off rejection by leaving or ignoring the problem

Avoids situations of both praise and rejection

Don’t believe he can succeed for much of the show

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lanasaved · 5 years

Text

sssslithers onto the scene like nagini.... hlo! i’m nai n i’m rly excited to finally return 2 rp. uni is officially Over n i’m living bk at home nw so i actually hav free time again to write. c’est une.... how do u say.... Miracle! some of u might b familiar w lana already bt if not u can find out mre abt her under the cut n feel free 2 like this or hmu fr plots!!!

p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say LANA JAMESON looks a lot like KRISTINE FROSETH? I think SHE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The DANCE major is a JUNIOR that is from ALBANY, NEW YORK. They can be + VIVACIOUS, but they can also be - IRRESPONSIBLE. I think LANA might be SHEEP. They are living in BALTA. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. )

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror

ic im sayin she jst got bk from going abroad w louis, this kind of sleazy older man tht manages the camgirls on the website lana works fr. he calls himself a “big exec” at “the company” n mkes it all sound a lot more professional than it is. he also owns this big house w all these different rooms/settings fr the girls to film different kinds of scenes in n is looked up by a lot of ppl bt when asked why they look up to him, nobody ever rly seems to have an answer. jst...a shady figure. lana kind of.... went off the deep end lst semester n ended up deferring her next one after missing her big graded ballet recital. it’s a whole big mess n she’s wearin horse blinders to it. truly jst.... goin on holiday to ignore hw much she’s fuckin things up at school. queen of burying her head in the sand!

frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey

grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!

#livingintro #inhales fr ten minutes to muster the breath necessary to add al these tws #rape tw #statutory rape tw #only brief / touched on / not explored in detail bt stil!#abuse tw #ptsd tw #hospitalisation tw #hypersexuality tw #addiction tw #death tw #mental illness tw #drugs tw

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judehvyward · 5 years

Text

lady gaga vc: i’m still in love w judas Babey..... helo. nai again. i cnt rly write lana atm so! switched her out fr jude. some of u might kno him already bt if nt then here is his pinterest board to kind of get a feel fr his aesthetic or whtever n then u can find out mre abt him beneath the cut. like this or hmu fr plots!!

( cis-male ) haven’t seen JUDE HAYWARD around in a while. the DOUGLAS BOOTH lookalike has been known to be (+) WITTY & (+) PROTECTIVE, but HE can also be (-) SARCASTIC & (-) DETACHED. The 23 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in FINE ART. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/ha. )

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super liberal n au naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the one time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like what the hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t super abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans

they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird/unhealthy environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just didn’t care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in san fran

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his actual parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of his parents friends tht stayed w him while they were away were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were not nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n film n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… chill

personality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. he’s rly sarcastic, sleeps around a lot bt isn’t particularly fond of actual dates except in rare cases, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an independent boy without a sentimental bone in his body! or so he tries to pretend. pretty deadpan humour most of the time. luvs strange ppl tht keep him on his toes

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot. he also… smokes a lot fr the sake of his depression bc hoo boy does he hav it bad! he’s tried a bunch of medications n none have rly worked bt u kno. he’s surviving

wld die to protect tha Wamen. once punched a guy fr bein disrespectful to queen n living legend frankie vigo. rly jst… does his best to b a gd guy bt sometimes fucks up mostly frm jst. thoughtless errors

king of bein an lgbt ally. experimented once n ws like :/ when guys jst… weren’t fr him. he genuinely ws disappointed over it n hs sighed at least seven times over the matter. when blake came out as gay he wore this shirt 2 support him. truly jst a strange little man w positive intentions

ummmmmmmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along tht dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s that guy that would die fr morrissey (in terms of…. his style bt he acknowledges tht he ws/is a pretentious twat) and all that stone roses the smiths the cure etc stuff music wise. hmu fr plots!!!!!! i’m down fr anything

#water:intro #depression tw #abuse tw #its never mentioned its only very briefly implied at one point #trauma tw #same w tht #i think thts all..... the tags he needs #or maybe #neglect tw #??? idk abt tht one bt throws it anyway

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inkjackets · 6 years

Text

To Save a Loved One

(Previously titled A Ladrien Story)

This is a little fic I wrote, inspired by @buggachat‘s comic that went round tumblr a few weeks back. Check it out here!

As soon as I saw it, I knew I had to write something for it. And well I'm not the best at writing fluff, and there's a bit of angst, but here it is!

NB: This fic was first posted (and the rest of it planned) between season two and three of Miraculous Ladybug.

AO3

Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6 Ch7 Ch8

~~~

‘Darkwings, fall.’

Gabriel’s low voice echoed around the room as magic swirled around him, reverting him to his civilian self. The slight shake in his hands was the only thing that betrayed the rage and frustration simmering inside of him. That and the darkness in his eyes. Nathalie took a step back. She had never seen him like this before.

‘S-Sir?’ she stammered when those eyes pierced hers. A shiver ran down her spine. She had never seen him so cold before.

He turned away from her and walked over to the large window giving a breathtaking view of Paris.

She held her breath and clutched her clipboard tight to her chest as tension filled the room.

‘We need a change of plan.’ Despite his soft voice, Gabriel’s words rang sharply around the room. ‘I can’t keep mindlessly controlling whoever happens to fly into a rage.’ He turned to look at her. She sucked in her breath as those dark eyes pierced hers. ‘I need a target, someone specific who will be sympathetic to our cause.’

‘Who do you have in mind, sir?’

Gabriel held her gaze a moment longer before sighing and looking away. His shoulders slumped. ‘I don’t know,’ he muttered.

Nathalie’s mind whirred as she thought of possible candidates.

‘To clarify, you want someone who understands you; someone who knows the pain of losing someone close to them.’

Gabriel nodded.

‘Sir, with all due respect, even if you did find someone, you’d need to explain your situation to them to garner their sympathy.’

‘And therein lies my dilemma,’ he smiled bitterly. ‘I need someone who I can trust. Someone who won’t betray me if secrets do spill.’

‘So you don’t need some random person… you need an ally,’ she finished slowly.

‘In a sense,’ Gabriel’s voice turned calculating. ‘I need someone I can manipulate into working for me.’

Nathalie’s eyes widened as a name came to her.

‘Sir…’ she hesitated.

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow. ‘What is it? You have someone in mind?’

Her eyes flicked to the floor before meeting Gabriel’s gaze.

‘I do, sir.’

‘Well…?’

‘The only person I can think of who meets all your requirements is… Adrien, sir.’ Nathalie swallowed as those deep grey eyes bore into hers.

‘You’d have me use my own son?’ His voice was a deadly whisper.

Nathalie swallowed. ‘It was just an idea, sir. Forget I said it. Give me more time, I’ll come up with a diff-’ she was cut off with a wave of Gabriel’s hand.

He slowly lowered his hand and put it behind his back, turning back to the window as he did so.

Nathalie bit her lip. She shouldn’t have said anything.

The air grew cold around them as they stood motionless in the room. Nathalie hardly dared to breathe. The silence was disturbed only by the fluttering of white butterflies awaiting their inevitable dark fate.

Gabriel turned his head ever so slightly to the side; the light from the window illuminating his silhouette but shrouding his face in darkness.

‘Nathalie, bring Adrien to my office,’ he said in a quiet but cold voice. ‘I wish to speak with my son.’

‘Yes, sir.’

~~~

A Few Weeks Later…

Stupid, stupid. He was being stupid! Adrien stormed down the street as tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. He wiped them away angrily. He shouldn’t be crying dammit! Stupid.

But he couldn’t get those words out his head.

You are a disappointment to the Agreste name.

You are worthless to me.

I thought you were my son?

I believed in you.

What would your mother think?

What would your mother THINK?

W H A T W O U L D Y O U R M O T H E R T H I N K ?

His father didn’t deserve his tears. He knew that. And yet… Adrien stifled a sob. He wanted his father to shut up. He wanted his thoughts to SHUT UP!

‘Adrien,’ Plagg said over his shoulder, ‘You need to calm down. How about some chee-’

‘I’m FINE,’ he snapped. He cringed. Plagg was only trying to help. But he felt so angry.

How dare his father use his mother against him like that. Like…like he… shut up! He willed his mind to please stop thinking. He wanted it all to stop. To stop, dammit! STUPID.

‘ADRIEN!’

A cry from behind caused him to freeze.

‘Marinette?’ He turned around, thinking he’d heard his classmate call him. However instead he was met with an akuma fluttering in his face. He yelped and stumbled backwards, trying and failing to think happy thoughts.

A yoyo came out of nowhere, so close to his face that he could feel the wind as it passed, and snapped up the akuma. The shock made him trip over his feet, slamming him into the floor.

Adrien sucked in his breath as Ladybug landed a few metres in front of him. All his anger suddenly forgotten. Her chest was heaving and strands of hair fluttered loose from her usually perfect bunches. She had chased this akuma hard.

Adrien watched, hand clutched to his chest, as Ladybug purified the akuma; her warm little smile as she said ‘bye bye’ lit a light in his heart. He didn’t even realise he was still sitting on the floor until she walked over and knelt in front of him.

She was beautiful, mesmerising. He held his breath with wonder as Ladybug filled his vision. His heart pounded in his chest.

‘Are you okay?’ she asked. Just like that, memories and anger slammed back into his being. Tears rose in his eyes once more and his hands started to shake. She offered him her hand, her blue eyes wide with concern.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Her voice was low and gentle. Despite all the spying gazes of the gathering crowd, her words seemed to form a wall around them. Her eyes were for him only.

‘I-I…’ Adrien stuttered as Ladybug gently pulled him to his feet. He averted his eyes as his father’s words flashed through his head again. ‘I don’t know.’ He felt so torn.

Ladybug opened her mouth to say something but yells of excitement rang out behind them.

‘Ladybug, Ladybug!’

Both Ladybug and Adrien were jerked out of their little, walled world and back into reality as the surrounding crowd of people moved in to see their hero.

Ladybug’s hand started to slip from Adrien’s, but before the crowd could tear her away, he tightened his grip on her hand, forcing her to look into his eyes.

‘Thank you, Ladybug,’ he said, smiling sincerely.

Ladybug’s eyes bore into his. She didn’t smile. He shifted uncomfortably as those knowing blue eyes pierced deep into his soul, seeing things he wanted to hide from her.

Her hand slipped from his as the crowd swarmed them and broke them apart.

~~~

Ladybug sat perched on a rooftop. The night was dark and starless, but the city lights cast a yellow glow over the world. Her hair fluttered against her neck as she gazed down at the Agreste mansion.

One prick of light shone out from the cold, dark house; shining from Adrien Agreste’s bedroom. The boy was sat huddled on his bed. Staring blankly ahead. Just as she’d thought, something was wrong with him.

She used her yoyo to pull herself onto the mansion’s rooftop and slowly slunk down until she was above his window. Suddenly, butterflies swarmed in her stomach. What was she doing? Sneaking out to see Adrien Agreste in the middle of the night? She shook her head and tried her best to quell the butterflies. She was simply doing her job as Ladybug she tried to convince herself. But the butterflies refused to leave.

Taking a breath to steady herself, she slowly lowered herself so that she was hanging in front of his window, and knocked.

~~~

Adrien jumped when he heard a knock. His eyes widened when he saw Ladybug hanging in front of one of his windows. He hastily wiped his watery eyes and got up to let her in.

Ladybug gracefully dropped in through the window and smiled up at him. Adrien tried to convince himself that it was the sudden breath of cold, night air that rendered him speechless and not her piercing blue eyes.

‘Hi Adrien,’ Ladybug smiled.

‘Ladybug, hi.’ He felt the blood rise in his cheeks. He suddenly felt incredibly self-aware. He caught a glimpse of himself in the dark window and blanched at the sight of his dishevelled hair. He ran his hands through it in an attempt to flatten it. He hoped his eyes weren’t too red. He hoped Ladybug couldn’t tell he’d been crying.

The look on her face though indicated otherwise.

The silence lengthened between them.

Ladybug smiled, trying to diffuse the awkwardness. ‘Sorry for dropping in like this.’

Adrien smiled, but it was weak and fleeting. His heart wasn’t in it to laugh at the pun.

‘It’s always a pleasure to see you Ladybug.’

Ladybug’s smile faltered for a split second.

If he was anyone else he wouldn’t have noticed it. He cursed internally. Of course she’d see right through him.

‘I just wanted to check up on you,’ she said as if nothing had happened. ‘Today was the third time an akuma almost got you. So either Hawkmoth is targeting you,’ she joked but the smile slid off her face pretty quick, ‘or you’re not okay.’

Adrien averted his gaze and bit down on his tongue.

‘You don’t have to talk about it,’ Ladybug said, ‘but just know I’m here if you ever do.

Adrien blinked. ‘That’s nice of you,’ he whispered.

She smiled.

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck, ‘I’d rather not talk about it if that’s alright with you. But a distraction would be nice.’ He smiled shyly up at her.

She grinned. ‘Sure! What do you want to do?’

Adrien glanced around his room. ‘Do you know how to play Ultimate Mecha Strike 3?’

He felt warmth flood his body when Ladybug’s eyes lit up.

Ladybug was good. Really good. Adrien was amazed. He hadn’t taken her for a gamer. Though her fighting style did seem vaguely familiar...

While they had both been a little awkward at first, they had soon relaxed and enjoyed battling each other on the console. Their fighting was punctuated with laughter and mock yelling. They whiled away an hour like this, giggling and smashing each other to bits. Eventually though, they started to get a little tired. After one more round, where Adrien was thoroughly thrashed by Ladybug, they both flopped back onto the couch and smiled at each other. Adrien couldn’t keep the grin off his face. He felt so warm inside. He looked at Ladybug. She too looked so happy. Her cheeks were flushed and eyes sparkled. Adrien couldn’t believe his luck.

Ladybug shifted her body so she was facing Adrien, she rested her elbow on the sofa top and propped her head up.

‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.

Adrien’s smile slowly slid off his face as he remembered the reason she was here in the first place. His father’s words echoed around his head. The warmth in his heart started to fade.

‘It’s my father,’ he said quietly.

Ladybug tensed, but her eyes were filled with nothing but concern.

Adrien hesitated, but then words started to spill. ‘He’s been more strict with me than usual lately, and he’s started saying…things he’s never said before.’ He fidged with the controller in his hand. ‘I mean, he’s probably just on edge. Maybe work’s been kinda stressful recently?’ He didn’t really believe this, and he could tell Ladybug didn’t either. ‘I don’t know, ever since mum disappeared he’s acted different, but recently it’s gotten worse. And I don’t know what to do about it.' He gave a small sad shrug.

‘He shouldn’t be taking it out on you, though.’ Ladybug said.

‘I know, but what can I do?’

They both fell silent. Adrien felt an ache at the back of his head as a wave of tiredness suddenly washed over him. He yawned but was startled when Ladybug suddenly jumped up.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise the time! You need to sleep,’ she said.

Adrien shook his head, forcing his eyes wide, ‘No, no its fine! I’m not that tired, really!’

Ladybug laughed, ‘I should probably be getting back anyway. It’s been fun though, I hope we can do this-‘

Adrien’s hand suddenly shot out and grabbed her’s. ‘Don’t go.’

Ladybug blinked at him in surprise. He could feel the heat rise in his cheeks as Ladybug’s wide eyes held his, but he refused to let her hand slip away.

‘Okay,’ she said simply, her expression softening. Adrien released his breath.

Still holding his hand, she climbed back onto the couch, ending up a lot closer to him than before. Adrien shifted his grip so that their fingers were entwined.

He looked into her eyes and felt his heart pump in his chest.

‘I like having you here, Ladybug.’

Ladybug's cheeks flushed. ‘I like being here,’ she said.

~~~

A Little Extra Scene

Adrien was slowly drifting off to sleep. He was so warm curled up on the sofa with Ladybug, he wanted to stay here forever and never move. However, he was disturbed when she lifted her head.

‘Ladybug?’ he murmured. He opened his bleary eyes to see her staring ahead, wide awake. ‘Are you alright?’

Ladybug bit her lip and gave Adrien a cautious glance. ‘I can’t help but think, what if Hawkmoth is targeting you?’

Adrien laughed. The sound muffled as he dug his head back against Ladybug’s neck.

‘Hey, I know I’m kinda well known but, come on. Who’d want to akumatise me?’

Next Chapter

#miraculous ladybug #ml #ladrien #adrien agreste #ladybug #fluff #angst #my writing #it's not the best thing i've ever written #but it's the first thing i've published in a hella long time #so i'm happy #a ladrien story #to save a loved one

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jisunwithtaeandkookie · 6 years

Text

I clasped my mouth shut as soon as I said it.

That's not very nice of you to say, Y/N.

He widened his eyes in surprise to my comment for a brief second, then laughed softly a laugh that was one of the many things I loved about him.

"Should I have been Tae, then?" He said, scrunching up his nose as if in deep thought, but he actually looked like a baby. I smiled sheepishly, given the awkwardness of the situation, and the fact that he looked so cute while asking it didn't help at all in easing me.

"Does it help that I'm only 2 months older?" He smiled naughtily, which made me laugh.

"No..actually yes. I mean I didn't mean no as in no it doesn't help, I meant no as in it-"

"Y/N relax, deep breaths." He said in a relaxing, soothing voice. The voice of an angel. "Are you okay, or do I need to call an ambulance?" He pouted. No, but keep looking like that and maybe you will.

I rolled my eyes before shaking my head. "Did you have something to say, or are you just here for the medical assistance, which is not needed by the way?"

"Hey, what do you take me for? A paramedic?"

"No, Jimin. You are a healer." A smile crossed my face as I said this.

"Hm?" The answer caught him off guard.

"ARMY can explain better." I smiled.

"Are you not one of them?"

"Are you not going to tell me why you came?"

He sighed. "I came to just hang out. By the way, here's the gift I promised for those cookies," he landed a bone-breaking punch on my back. Ow. "And I'll be going now, since I am not Tae." He turned back.

"Wait," I held his arm, causing him to turn back and look into my eyes. We stood there for a moment, staring at one another.

"At least take your return gift with you," I said and twisted his arm towards his back.

"Aii, aii, aii, okay, okay, that's en-OOUGH!!!" He shrieked. I laughed and left his hand.

"Aigo...that hurt." He said, rubbing his arm. "You just look small, don't you?"

I shrugged.

"Anyways..I gotta go." He said, glancing at me with a fond look, or at least I thought it was a fond look.

"Why are you leaving?"

"Because you don't want me here." He looked down.

"Are you still hung up on what I said to you a few minutes ago?" I whined. "That's not what I meant!!"

"Well, Y/N, if you really want me here, then why am I still standing on your doorstep?" He raised an eyebrow, cocking his head to the side.

"Uh, because.." I looked up, and then sideways, and then backwards. "Because....you...wanted to.....take me to....take me out?" Real smooth, Y/N.

He giggled in the Jimin-way. "You're an amusing creature."

I cleared my throat nervously. "I meant why don't we go out- um, no, that's not right- I mean, why don't we hang out, outside?" I mentally rejoiced at at least finally getting out the right words, and shortly after I mentally facepalmed myself.

"Yeah, actually, I did want to hang out, outside." He said, mocking me. "If you're free, that is."

"Sure, I have 2 hours until-" I stopped myself. "-the sun sets, I mean."

He rolled his eyes. "You need to go to our happy place, stat." With that he dragged me out of the house.

By our happy place, he meant the ice cream shop. It was also the place where Jungkook introduced me to them for the first time. Jimin on the first glance had left the biggest impression on me, and he was also the first one to become my friend among all of them. We became close so fast that even Jungkook complained I had replaced his best friend position with Jimin. While I couldn't deny that there was a special connection between me and Jimin, I wasn't going to replace my elementary school friend that quickly. The reason was simple....if you find a friend that wins a competition, but doesn't celebrate because you didn't win...you can never let that friend go.

"Chocolate?"

"Yes, Kook. What?" I said before realising what I had said. We were in the shop, and Jimin was asking me about the flavour. "I mean no, butterscotch today." I said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

Jimin frowned, but didn't say anything.

"You are with me, but your mind is with Jungkook...pray, do you have a crush on him, perhaps?" He said, leaning towards me with his hands intertwined, after he had placed the ice creams in front of us.

Don't even get me started on how much I wish this word didn't exist. "What, no!" I was mentally groaning. "Are you crazy?"

"No? Okay, I was just asking." He said, sitting down in front of me.

"He's my best friend, Jimin." I said, shrugging. "I could never look at him that way."

"Why?"

"Because I love him too much to lose him like that." I smiled, tucking the strand of hair back behind my ear. "The relationship we have, is so much more than anything else in the world."

"That is true." He said, nodding slowly. "You two have a special bond."

"Yes, and until you find someone you have a special bond like that with, this topic is further out of discussion." I said, looking down at my phone which dinged with multiple notifications: the crazy group was back at it again.

"I think I already found someone," he said slowly, looking down at his ice cream. When he saw I hadn't replied, he straightened up. "I think soulmates have a special bond too, right?"

"Soulmates?" I said, not looking up from my phone.

"Yeah...you know, the people who are born for each other. Do you believe in soulmates, Y/N?" He looked at me with twinkling eyes which soon narrowed down into slits, "You know, it's pretty rude to chat on your phone when you are talking to someone."

"Hm? Oh." I put my phone down, smiling nervously. "Sorry...these weirdos, you have no idea." I smiled, trying to tuck the strand of hair back which was on my face yet again.

"Here, let me." He leaned across the table to gently tuck the strand behind my ear. I shivered at his touch, a gentle one on my face. I closed my eyes for a brief second, letting myself feel his gaze on me as he said softly, "Y/N, you do know that I live with them, right?" I could feel his hot breath on my face as he said the words, and I scoffed weakly, not having the strength to feel anything because of the proximity.

"Just because you can ignore the continuous dinging of your phone, it doesn't make you any more of a human."

Sitting back in his seat, he chuckled. "That, or you could turn the notifications off."

"Oh." I said, feeling embarrassed. "That...could be done, yeah. But I didn't, for some reason."

"You know what, it's okay, you couldn't have thought of such a sophisticated thing to do anyway." He said, glancing sideways at me, smiling.

"Oh really..you wanna go down that path? Fine. Is that a smirk I see on your face?" I said, glaring at him while trying to suppress a smile.

His smile vanished quickly. "Don't go there."

"Oh I just did." I whispered mockingly.

"It's not my fault I can't smirk, okay?"

"Someone tried to teach you, you know." I almost sang it out.

"Yes, and I have seen the video myself so I won't be doing that again anytime soon." He put his hands up in surrender. "Now can we talk about something else, please?"

"Sure," I said, a playful smile on my lips. "Who did you have a special bond with?"

He widened his eyes. "I thought you didn't- you know what," he sighed. "Something else."

"Excuse me, Park Jimin. No, actually, since you are Jimin, maybe I need to say excuse me in your style." I mock-rolled my sleeves up. "EXCU-"

"SOMETHING ELSE!!!" He pleaded, looking towards the ceiling, his eyes closed.

"You are so stubborn." I groaned.

"Hm, you're one to talk, Miss 'Why-don't-we-go-out-I-mean-why-don't-we-hang-out-outside'."

"Um...why don't we talk about something else please?" I grinned nervously.

"Now we're talking." He said with an evil smile.

After getting out of the ice cream shop, which we only left when Jimin had ensured I was in my happy place, we had nowhere in particular to go, so we wandered around the streets, occasionally stopping by the shops to take a look inside. He stopped by a teddy bear shop to take pictures; he insisted that he looked as cute as them, which I didn't deny to. At one place, a coffee shop to be exact, he asked me to pose for a picture too but I refused, and then he insisted. I finally got out of it by giving him a pic with my face covered in it, which was the best option so he didn't deny it.

"Wow, look at this earring." I said, looking at a black-and-white earring inside a jewellery shop.

He glanced once in their direction. "You want me to look at earrings?"

I looked back at him. "But they are sooo beautiful!" I said, pointing towards the large cross-shaped earrings.

"Yes, yes, okay, they are pretty." He rolled his eyes. "What do I have to do with them?"

I crossed my arms. "Yeah...because you have never worn those before."

"I don't wear them all the time, you know. Now come on," he grabbed my hand. "I see a park."

"What are we going to do in a park?"

"We walk in a park. Between the trees, the flowers, you know....greenery and stuff." He said sarcastically.

"Yeah, but we are walking here too."

"Yeah, but we can walk there too."

"What's the diff- oof!" He cut me off by dragging me towards the park. "You talk too much for a small girl."

"Hey, stop saying that. And stop doing this!"

By the time he walked me back to my home, it was already dark. The stars had come out, and with Jimin, I felt like I was in the music video of-

"Serendipity."

"Whut?" I mumbled, looking at Jimin, caught off guard by what he had just said.

"That's what it feels like." He smiled, a warm smile, reaching his eyes, making his face twinkle brighter than thousands of stars on the horizon.

"You mean the sky?" I cocked my head to the side nonchalantly.

He looked down. "No. I mean with you. Here."

"Oh my God."

"Yeah, I mean," he said, looking up. "Actually, I-"

He stopped when he saw me looking at something else. Or rather someone. And he was surprised as well.

"Taehyung, what do you think you are doing?"

Can You Keep A Secret? Pt.3

Part 2//Part 3//Part 4

SERIES MASTERLIST So Y/N had a lovely day. Jungkook...hmm...something smells fishy, I don't know what though. And what do you think Taehyung is doing? Well, I don't know anything, we'll see, won't we? ;)

Next part coming up on 21st November at 17:30 GMT. Stay blessed, and happy reading!

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ryesnatcher · 6 years

Text

Eager Eyes

Pairing: Connor RK800 x Reader Requested: Writing prompt #3 with Connor and reader??? / Requested by ANON A/N: This is my first Detroit fic, so any feedback is appreciated and I hope y’all enjoy it! Requests are still open for now :) JUST to clarify this is v diff from usual style of writing, alcohol and the killers inspired this <3

Music that preludes at least 30 decades before them echoes through the room. Sliding between conversations, officers and detectives alike all tapping their feet with a slight slur. The unrelenting beat dancing like fond memories between couples and friends. The air, heavy with alcohol and sweat gives the faintest sensation of relief.

At least to some.

In the far corner Connor doesn’t find himself swaying to the music, or locking hands on the dancefloor like everybody else seemed to be doing. Instead he finds himself watching those that are. Frowning only to himself at the carelessness in their movements as they let themselves move freely, their bodies choosing each erratic movement. No thought. No process. No overthinking. Simply Being.

Even now that he was considered deviant he found it hard to simply allow his body to be. Working with his own presence he still found himself hovering by people, lingering a second too close. Y/N had once told him he could try being more spontaneous. He’d disagreed. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was more he didn’t know how. There was nothing anywhere that seemed helpful in the decision to be spontaneous. He’d even asked Hank to no avail, he’d simply called it ironic.

But stood on the edge of the dancefloor frequented by the DPD, watching them collide effortlessly made him almost envy them. Or in particular, Officer Miller and his dancing beside Y/N. Each step with the beat she reciprocates, her arms moving fluidly as the glimmer of her dress catches on every light. Each look between them he feels himself flinching, a sudden impatience for it to stop.

For a second he considers striding over to them. Interrupting in a perhaps selfish desire to sate a feeling he couldn’t quite trust. But the spotlights ahead blind him, dim and patterned they spin across the dancefloor, and he’s sure that even

hesitate on her as his heart seems to skip a beat. A malfunction he doesn’t want to correct.

In the moment, he sees her shaking her head to the songs, her soft lips parted as she drunkenly sings with the song. The light clinging to her skin, as centuries of artists desire hang in the shadows across her face. The history of an art he suddenly yearns to learn, painted in the strokes of her off beat dancing.

“Ohh” Hank says, his voice smug with recognition as he takes his place beside Connor. “I get it now.”

Connor turns slightly, reluctant to look away. As if Miller would make a move in his absence. “Get what now, Lieutenant?”

“Why you insisted we stop by this ridiculous party.”

“I insisted as this party is a celebration of your achievements. Officer Y/L/N asked me personally to ensure you attended.”

Hank lets out a small scoff. Taking a sip from his bottle as nods to the music. Even if he’d have preferred to spend the night watching a repeat of some show with Sumo by his side. He would admit she’d done her homework. The music was to his taste, albeit not heavy, just nostalgic. The booze was free. And there seemed to be only the cops he liked.

Connor looks back to Y/N, her and officer Miller now at a standstill as she’s led from the dancefloor. His hand holding hers. Connor finds himself mentally spitting his name, a wave of something not quite nausea hitting him as he forces himself to keep watching, Unsure of why it’s even upsetting him.

The two of them talking closer and closer, Miller fumbling in his pocket and lighting the cigarette he pulls from it, offering it first to Y/N. Taking a drag she leans in closer. A hand on his shoulder. Once again Connor winces, this time looking away. Frowning hard as he tries to figure out why it’s bothering him so much. Letting out a small exhale and crossing his arms, he catches Hanks smug grin looking down at him. Finally understanding the human expression of a shit-eating grin.

“Why don’t you go ask her to dance? You know instead of just watching her and looking all jealous.”

“I’m not jealous, Lieutenant.”

“Connor, if your little disk thing could flash green, it damn well would be.” He points the neck of his bottle to the LED on Connors temple. Taking a heavy swig before calling out. “Y/N!”

Connor lets out a slight gasp, his eyes wide in horror as he watches her turn to her name. An excited grin spreading across her lips. Instantly feeling weak, the lightness in his head seems to increase as he holds his breath. Watching as she makes her way over. Forgetting that he has yet to protest Hanks actions.

But before he can he’s wrapped in Y/Ns arms. Caught in the overwhelming scent of her perfume. Caught in her warmth and the pull on his neck as she reaches up. Every sense working double as he tries to capture this exact feeling, every desire he has to lose his inhibitions. And as his slender fingers touch her back, his mind goes blank. Seeing only her, the warmth of her stolen her dress. As quick as his horror had faded, she was gone. Her words ringing in his ears as he struggled to process them.

“I can’t believe you actually got him to come.” She smiles at Connor, letting out a small laugh as she nudges him gently. “Are you both enjoying the party?”

“You did a helluva job Y/N. Only office party they’ve managed to get me to come to yet.” He winks to her, bringing the bottle to his lips. Tipping the contents back and expertly finishing it. “Oh would you look at that. I’m all out.”

He hold out the empty bottle as if evidence, Connor instantly steps forward and reaches for it. “I can get you another-” His offer and eager smile is cut off as Hank shakes his head, patting him on the shoulder before sauntering away.

Leaving Connor with nothing but the feel of a dry mouth. Swallowing harshly as he looks to her. Her eyes, bright in the glimpses of light, look to him expectantly. Lost for words, he stumbles.

“You really did do a great job with the party.”

“Thanks, Connor. It’s really nothing though. All you need for cops is to get booze, shitty music, and don’t invite the assholes from the office.” She lists them off on her fingers, giving a small shrug.

“Yes, I did notice the absence of Detective Reed.”

Y/N laughs, loud and uncaring. Connor meeting her grin with a smile of his own. He was sure that he’d never smiled as much as these past few moments. Simply watching her as though he was learning his own humour for the first time. Pride swelling in his smile.

As her laughter dies down, a silences settles between them. Connor shifting uncomfortably as his dark eyes drop to the floor. Trying hard to find ways to fill the silence. Looking up as Y/N clears her throat.

“You like dancing.” He states, his cheeks now holding a blue tinge.

“I guess. It’s definitely more fun with alcohol.”

“I could get you a drink?” He suggests, Y/N shaking her head.

“I’m good. We could dance though?” She suggests, nodding her head towards the dancefloor. “You know together.”

He drops his gaze once more, watching the fluid movements of the people filling the dancefloor. They were clunky, drunk, but uncaring. Even if they weren’t what anybody would consider good dancers. He could already see the difference between their movements and what he would give.

“I’m afraid I don’t know how to dance.” He admits, watching her as he expects her to move away. Instead she just giggles, stepping closer and taking his hand.

He looks to their joint hands, glad that he cannot sweat like they do.

“Connor, nobody here can dance. They’re cops.” She pauses as Connor’s hand pulls across the curve of her back. A certain kind of adrenaline rushing through her as she speaks. “If you can’t dance that only means you’re fitting in perfectly. So…congrats on becoming a full time cop” She trails off, pulling him with her as he follows after her. Connor aware of every set of eyes watching them.

Androids, humans, people he cared about. Their eyes watching him as if each movement was deviant. But he couldn't find time enough to care? Instead he was swept into their moment. The rush that came with Y/N’s leg brushing on his own, the pride that seemed to swell with having every person know that she was dancing with

Briefly looking around, catching each jealous look with a smile of his own, until he meets Hanks. The old man giving him an enthusiastic thumbs up, Connor returning it with a wink as he pulls her closer, watching as a blush burns in her cheeks and palms.

#connor rk800 #detroit become human #dbh #connor rk800 imagine #detroit become human imagine #connor dbh #dbh imagine #dbh connor x reader #connor rk800 x reader #dbh reader

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notgoingtohappen · 7 years

Text

Revenge, Interrupted (Part 18)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17

Stefan couldn't fall back asleep after his conversation with Caroline.

Also, this relationship was seriously messing up his sleeping pattern.

He didn't want to disturb Damon and Elena or Bonnie and Enzo who were probably next door, so after reading in his room for a few hours he decided to go out for a late night stroll.

The moon was obscured by dark clouds, chilly wind blew through his carefully styled hair, and streetlights flickered over him. The street was mostly deserted. He smiled a little, thinking of how Damon and Lexi would call this a perfect setting for him.

Starving and not having eaten since lunchtime, he stopped at a mostly empty 24-hour diner. After ordering a burger, he sat there staring out of the window, lost in thought.

"You know, Damon and Enzo told me you were the loner, broody type, but I never really saw it until now."

Stefan started a little and looked up to see Bonnie Bennett smiling at him.

"Hey Bonnie"

"Hey," she sat down across from him. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"Nah. So, what's up? How come you're here?"

"I was gonna ask you that! This is my favourite place to eat in town so far. Have you tried their cheese fries? Heaven on a plate."

Stefan quickly ordered some as the waitress walked past them.

"I was getting bored and Damon was with Elena so I came here."

"Yeah same, there's no interrupting those two. Enzo had work stuff and I couldn't sleep."

"How's the teacher job going?"

"Good. Scary, but good."

He smiled. "Kids are cute so that must help."

She laughed. "Yep. I can totally see why things are going so well with Caroline! You're total boyfriend material."

Stefan tried not to look confused. Things were going 'so well'?

Bonnie seemed to catch herself and bit her lip. "Sorry, best friend sharing..."

He nodded. "Yeah, things are great. We’re pretty serious."

Bonnie grinned. "We should matchmake more often! Elena suggested... Nadia and Matt.... or ooh, maybe Kai and Vicki..."

Oh dear god.

"Hey, you guys got lucky with us" Stefan interrupted.

What he was really thinking was, please spare the poor guys the angst I'm feeling right now.

"We really did, huh? This is so cool. Damon's brother dating Caroline. Us six living in the same city. It's the best."

Stefan smiled back. "Must be awesome to have your childhood and college best friends, and boyfriend."

Bonnie nodded. "Lexi is nice. Any plans of her moving here too?"

"That would be the best. But I don't think so, she got a job in our old town... she's going to visit soon though."

"Great! ...As long as Enzo didn't really like her."

"Oh no, he didn't. He used to call me from college sometimes when Damon wasn't in the room and lament about his feelings for you."

Bonnie's eyes sparkled. "What did he say?"

"Stefan, mate, there's this girl, Bonnie." Stefan started in a British accent. "Her eyes are like emeralds and her smile is like the sun. She was in a study group with me once and she explained everything perfectly to me and it was like magic, mate. She is taken by this bloke on my floor and I fear she will never be mine..."

Bonnie was shaking with laughter. "No... way" she gasped in between laughs.

"He might have been drunk that time."

"You know what? We should have another group date!"

"After the park one? Pass."

"No ditching this time, I swear. I'll talk to Elena and Damon."

It might be a good opportunity to show them how in love he and Caroline were. He held his hands up in defeat and then shoved a fry into his mouth. "Woah, this is good!"

"I know right? Oh yeah, I had to talk to you and Elena about this, how are we going to celebrate when Caroline returns?"

Stefan thought for a few moments. "She likes parties, right?"

"God, yeah, she always throws the best ones for us. When Elena decided to go into medicine. When I topped the exams. When Matt got promoted at the Grill. When Tyler and Vicki finally did each other and the town a favour and broke up. We need to do something epic."

"But does she know that many people here yet? Work hasn't even started for her."

"Yeah..."

"Maybe we ask around, see if her college friends can make it?"

"None of them are close by, Caroline complains about it sometimes. It must be awful sometimes, not having them around... Oh, wait! Liam told me about this rave one of his friends were having here! Elena and Damon were totally going. I'll text him for the details. She loves parties! And it'll be a stress buster for her!"

Bonnie looked pleased with the idea but Stefan hesitated.

It really wasn't his scene. But it was Caroline's, and she deserved some fun after everything she'd been through, and the prospect of being her boyfriend at a party with loud music and dancing people and flashing lights and alcohol made his heart skip a beat in anticipation.

Oh god, alcohol, he realised. As much as he'd liked what had happened despite himself, it couldn't happen again.

He realised Bonnie was watching him and snapped out of his internal turmoil. "Yeah, that sounds fun."

"Aw. Damon's first reaction was that you'd never go in a million years. I thought we’d have to talk you into it."

"I'm a great boyfriend."

"Okay, so I'll talk to the others about it then. She's gonna love the surprise! She said she went to one in college that had glowsticks and body paint and it was the best party she'd gone to all year"

"Here's to hoping this one is as glowy" Stefan muttered, eating some more. "These fries are epic."

“So epic.”

"So are you or Elena picking her up from the airport? She said she was coming early morning tomorrow."

"Oh, I can't, I have an early staff meeting tomorrow. And Elena will be at the hospital observing some surgery with her friends."

"I can do it! After what she went through, it's the least I can do."

"Great." Bonnie yawned. "Okay, I'm full and I'm sleepy."

"Let's head back."

~*~

Stefan awoke to the buzzing of his phone next to his pillow.

Vision blurry, he hit the patch of green on the screen. "Hello?" he croaked.

"Hey Stefan." came Caroline's voice.

He sat up quickly, blinking. "Hi"

"Did I wake you? Sorry."

"It's okay, it's just–" he glanced at the clock. "Afternoon, wow, I am going to kill Damon."

She giggled. "Sleeping so well without me? I'm hurt."

Stefan's heartbeat quickened as he remembered what sleeping cuddled up with her was like. Suddenly, he missed her blue eyes and pretty smile and soft hair... what was he doing?

"So how are you? What's up?" she said quickly.

"Just woke up"

"Right, heh.”

“You?”

"I'm good. Bored. I was driving past the Salvatore estate and thought of you." she said, and swiftly added “I’m hungry.”

"I went to this diner last night, ran into Bonnie, great fries."

"Oh, she took me there! The ice cream sundae was so yum."

"I gotta try that now. We should go there this week."

"Yeah, sure."

"How is it being back home?"

"So good. I wish half my friends weren't on some cross country road trip, though."

"That sounds fun. I always wanted to go to Europe, see the world."

"Just not Paris, probably." she said, her voice light again.

He laughed. "Will be steering clear of all European museums."

"It does sound fun," she admitted. "Maybe someday."

"Yeah, someday..."

"Well I should go eat now or something. Bye!"

She hung up before he could say a word, and Stefan forced himself not to dwell on it. He got dressed and walked outside, wincing at the light. Someone had pushed all the curtains aside.

"Stefan! I was just about to wake you. What's for lunch?"

"What's stopping you from cooking?"

"Your talent at it, dear brother."

Stefan sighed. "I'll make something with what's in the kitchen."

"How I missed you in college! Want to play some Xbox?"

"Nah, I'm writing."

"One day I will read your diaries, I promise."

"They're journals."

"Same diff. On second thoughts, I don't want to read them." Damon said. "Dear Diary, I miss my childhood pet bunny Chester. Dear Diary, Lexi helped me quit weed. Dear Diary, I like the plants in the Estate back in Mystic Falls. Dear Diary, I'm mad at mom and dad for separating. Dear diary, Katherine is a bitch. Dear diary, Caroline is so pretty I just want to brood all day–"

"You're cooking your own lunch" Stefan cut in.

"Dear Diary, I know Damon likes to bug me but deep down he loves me very much," Damon said, batting his eyes sincerely.

"Ugh, fine."

"By the way, Bon-bon told me you're going to the rave too?"

"Yeah, to celebrate. For Caroline." he clarified.

Damon jerked his arm in a whipping motion and made a whooshing sound.

#steroline #steroline fanfiction #steroline fanfic #ri #thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

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snake-house · 7 years

Text

Tsukishima Kei X Reader - her hand.

Lord!Tsukishima Kei X Lady!Yamaguchi's sister!Reader warnings: her/she pronouns used for reader when you see '--' it means some time has passed kei and yama are 27, reader is 19 [pls get over the age diff. pls] kinda sorta royalty/lord! au: based in like the mid 1800s ___ "A Haikyuu lord AU where the lord has to marry reader-chan to convince their family that he's not gay-" prompt given to me by the lovely patcherinko ___

"What do you mean my family is going to disown me?" Kei seethed at the brunet. Yamaguchi flinched at his tone of voice, but didn't falter in his words, "Your parents believe that because you are already 27 and have yet to marry, they believe that you may be homosexual and thus if you don't marry within the year they will cut all ties from the family name and yourself." He explained again. "This is absolutely ridiculous, I don't remember making any insinuations that I was homosexual, why would they assume that? And why would they ask you to tell me and not tell me themselves?" He exclaimed, his anger rising by the second. "I understand your frustration sir, but as your best friend, I suggest you do as they ask and marry. They thought you would take the news better if you heard it from me." He said with a shrug. "I'm not even their first son, Akiteru is already married and has been for years with a son of his own, why does it matter if and when I do?" Tsukishima grumbled. "Talk to your mother then, but I can assure you that she will say just what I have said." With that, Yamaguchi left the young lord to himself. Kei paced his office for a few minutes, eyebrows knit in frustration. He knew that Yamaguchi was right, that his mother and brother would say the same thing. He didn't even know who he would marry if he agreed to it, but had no doubt that his mother had a list of ladies in waiting for him to look over if he asked. But then, he knew. Tsukishima rushed out of his room and after his friend. He found him in the parlor chatting with his mother. The both of them were startled when Kei ran in panting. His face flushed when he realized his mother was in the room but tried to keep his composure the best he could. "Yama," He said, "May I speak with you?" He asked, looking between him and his mother. "What's wrong Kei?" She asked, looking concern for his son, "Plus I am sure whatever you have to speak about with Tadashi can be spoken out in the open." Kei straightened his back and gave a shallow nod, "I suppose you're right." He flattened his vest against his chest, "What about your sister? She isn't married, and if I remember correctly, when she was younger she quiet fancied me." Kei said in Yama's direction. The freckled boy smiled and nodded, "She's not married, no. But has already had five offers since her 18th birthday, and when she came out, almost two years ago." He added, his grin widening when he saw Tsukishima's shoulders sag in defeat, "But she has declined all of them. Plus you're my best friend, I trust you if you were to ask her for her hand, I would approve of the marriage." Kei's mother visibly brightened and stood up, "Oh sweetie, [Name] is a lovely girl! I'm so glad Tadashi spoke with you about our concerns, I knew he would be able to through to you. This is going to be fantastic!" She beamed, "I must send Akiteru someone to get him so I can tell him the news!" "No, don't do that." Kei blurted, "Wait until I actually ask her, I wouldn't want to get my dear brother's hopes up." He said, his sarcastic tone didn't seem to make it to his mother. But she nodded, "I guess you're right, but you must ask her soon! She could get snatched up at any moment with a pretty face like hers." She said before excusing herself to go speak with his father. Yamaguchi waited for her to be at the top of the stairs before he spoke up, "You really want to ask [Name]?" There was a certain glint in the male's eyes that Tsukishima wasn't sure if he liked or not. "Yes," He took a seat next to him on the couch, "She's beautiful, and has always been kind to everyone so if I am supposed to get married within such a short amount of time, I know that even though I don't love her now, I know I will be able to." He said easily, ignoring how Tadashi grinned at his sappy talk. "That's so sweet Tsukki!" Yama beamed, "If you tell her exactly that she'll accept in a heartbeat!" He added. Tsukishima rolled his eyes, ignoring the blush coming to his cheeks, "Whatever, when will she be back from visiting your aunt?" "Tonight actually! She's expected to be back around five, but ask her tomorrow." Yama replied. "Alright, tell your mother I'll be by around noon, so make sure your sister doesn't go anywhere." Yamaguchi nodded, "Ok, I'll take my leave now then." He said standing and going over to the coat rack to grab his and put it on, "Wear your blue suit, it's my sister's favorite." He said with a grin, "I'll see you tomorrow?" Kei nodded seeing his friend out the door, "Yes, see you tomorrow. Tell Hitoka I say hello." Yamaguchi and Yachi got married five years ago. Tadashi smiled, telling him that he would before he left. Now he has to prepare himself for tomorrow. -- "Why do I need to wear a nice dress if I'm just going to sit around all day." You whined to your maid. She smiled at you, "Please Miss [Name], your mother asked me to make sure you wore a nice dress because we are supposed to expect some company today." She explained once again and shifted through your wardrobe. "Plus it is ten in the morning and you should be dressed and ready for the day by now." You sighed and flopped back on your bed, "It's not another marriage proposal I hope, all of them have been creepy old men who want a young wife." You muttered unhappily. "Everyone around me is talking about weddings and what kind of dress I should wear when the time comes and how many kids I should have. Has anyone asked what I want? No, they haven't." You pouted. "Don't say that, Mr. Knight was a nice man." She started, "Well Miss, what do you want?", she added pulling out a [color] gown, "Here it is." "And Mr. Knight was 45 and has been widowed twice." You countered before sitting up, "I do want to get married," You admitted, "But only to someone I want! I won't just fall down at any man's proposal." You added defensively before smiling fondly at the dress. "That's my favorite dress. I guess I could wear that." [style of dress in the second to last] The maid smiled at you, "I'm glad we've decided on something, now get out of your nightgown so I may help you dress." She asked as she grabbed your petticoat, crinoline, corset and other undergarments you wore beneath your dresses. A half hour later you were outside in the garden talking to your mother and sister-in-law over tea. Actually, you were more like trying to get out of them who was coming over today. Yachi was giggling over you efforts, glancing between the two of you to see if your mother would cave. "If you want to know so badly, go ask your bother." She sighed, trying to look uninterested in your curiosity, but you saw the smile itching to take over her face. You smiled and quickly headed back in the house to find your brother. "Tadashi?" You called, unsure of where he was at the moment. You heard your name from across the house, meaning he was in his office. You knocked on the door before you opened it, to alert him of you presence. You brother smiled at you from where he sat behind his desk when walked into the office. "Funny seeing you here," He said with a grin, "Is there something you want?" You never usually came into his office for mere pleasure, you always had a question or something to ask of him. "Yes, who's coming over? I know it has something to do with me, but no one will tell me! Not even my maid Mabel." You said in a fake somber voice as you took a seat in one of the chairs in front of the desk. A grin came to his face, making you narrow your eyes, "I do know," He said making you smile, "But they should be here in a half hour, so I don't want to spoil the surprise." He teased, looking back at the documents he was reading before you came in. You groaned, "You're not going to tell me either?" Yamaguchi shook his head, making you sigh and stand up, "Fine. I guess I'll have to wait." You muttered and exited the office. Tadashi laughed a little to himself as he watched you leave. You'll certainly be startled when Kei showed up asking for you. "No luck?" Yachi asked as approached the table. You shook your head, "No, Tadashi usually tells me everything when I ask." You said but smiled, "I guess it must be important if even he won't tell me." The blonde gave you a small smile, "It is, so don't worry. We aren't setting you up or anything." She added with a giggle, your mother joining in. You looked between the women, "This is not fair at all." -- A half hour later a maid came out to where the four of you resided in the garden, Tadashi joined you moments ago, and whispered something in your mother's ear that made her smile and nod her head, "Could you bring out a fresh pot of tea?" She asked before she left. Not a minute later, you watched none other than your brother best friend Kei Tsukishima walk through the back door towards you all. All you could do was sigh, why would they get your hopes up for Kei to arrive? He was just going to talk with Yamaguchi about whatever gentlemen talked about and completely ignore you. Like always. "Good afternoon Kei." Hitoka greeted. "How have you been?" She asked politely after everyone said their hellos. "Just fine thank you, and you?" He asked, glancing at Yama for a moment before adding, "Any news of a child yet?" With a straight face, he made both your brother and Hitoka blush. They both said no. It was funny to Kei. He was being pressured to get married because he was thought to be gay and yet his friend had been married for five years and has yet to have a son, let alone a child. You stayed quiet as they exchanged words, taking a bite of the muffin on your plate. "[Name]?" You heard Kei say suddenly, making you sit up straighter in your chair and turn to him, letting him know you had his attention, "Would you care to go for a walk?" He asked. His voice wasn't as sharp as it normally was, it made you nervous. You glanced at your brother, since he was the head of the house since your father died last year. Tadashi gave you a curt nod, "That would be nice, thank you." You agreed, taking Kei's outstretched hand and stood. You looked at your mom for an explanation, but she was already in a new conversation with her daughter-in-law, leaving you to wonder. Your family owned more than five hundred acres of land, a large garden for you and your mother included in that land. "I heard you received another marriage proposal a few months ago." Kei spoke up, looking straight ahead as he spoke, "May I ask if you accepted?" "I assume my brother already told you, but no," You said turning to look at his profile, "I didn't accept." He nodded, "Why is that? I heard he has very high social standings." You smiled at him when he turned to look at you, it was your turn to look forward while you spoke, "May I speak freely?" He arched an eyebrow at you, making you giggle when you peeked at him from the corner of your eye, "You may." He said skeptically. "He creeped me out." You stated, "It is as simple as that. Social standings do not matter to me for a marriage proposal, if I do not like you, I will not accept." "That's understandable." Tsukishima agreed, placing a hand in his coat pocket to take out his watch and check the time. "You look very nice today." You complimented, pausing in your tracks, Kei doing the same. You gazed at the rose bush, they were red roses, but there was one pink one growing on the bush. He grinned to himself, glad he took Yamaguchi's advice about the suit. He noticed you were wearing a fancier dress than normal, he just hoped you didn't know his intentions. Your hair also wasn't down like you usually did it. It was back in a bun with a few [color] curls down to frame your face. You really were beautiful. "You look beautiful as well." He said, adding, "But you always look beautiful, today you're beauty is just overwhelming." You blushed at his compliment. He was never this flirty, at least never with you. He constantly teased Hitoka and Tadashi, but he was never like that towards you. He was usually blunt and straight to the point. It was concerning you. "You're flattering me, thank you, but that can't be true." You said in an embarrassed tone, covering your face with your hand to hide your blush. "Are you calling me a liar?" The teasing tone was evident, making you avoid his gaze. "No, you're just being too kind." You said simply. He was well aware of the years he had on you, so he was trying to flirt like he used to when he was your age, but it was obvious you were easily flattered, but still mature beyond your physical years. "How was your trip to your aunt's?" He asked changing the subject as you started walking again. When you blush cooled down you removed your hand from your face, "It was nice, thank you. My cousins however are too loud and rambunctious for me to go there often." The corners of your eyes crinkled as you smiled. "That's good to hear." "How is your business going? Or was it stocks?" You asked. "Both actually, I have stocks invested in different things, as well as the family corporate finance business." Your eyebrows drew together in confusion, "It has to do with banking." You nodded. "But both have been well, thank you for asking." "Not a problem." Kei had felt like this whole asking you for a walk to give you a proposal of marriage was lost, so he needed to get to the point before you lost interest. "Anyways, I am sure you're curious to why I asked you to walk with me." He started, looking to see your reaction. You peered at him and gave a nod, "I am, but I didn't want to seem rude and ask you." "Well, to put away all formalities and to be rather blunt with you," You were watching him intently as he spoke, while his gaze never left yours, "I've come here today to ask you to marry me." And as simple as that, he told you. Kei could tell it took you a moment to comprehend what he told you. One moment you were looking at him normally and the next, you took a step back blushing and sputtering out incoherent things. Highly unladylike of you, but that was something that Kei liked about you and your brother, was your ways of being very high class, but so very down to Earth. "Are you being serious?" Was the only thing that came out normally. Kei nodded, "I am. My family believes I am getting too old and that I need to get married. There is also the fact that they think I am homosexual, which I am not, so I need to prove them wrong by getting married." He saw the small smile on your lips falter as he explained, "But if I were to be pressured into marrying, I wanted it to be someone of my choice, and someone I know I could learn to love." You were silent again for a while, still red-faced, but silent with your lips pulled into a straight line. He didn't know when you both stopped walking. "I know I am probably not your first choice [Name]," Kei started again glancing around the large garden, "But you are mine, and I apologize for not giving you a proper courtship. I think you're beautiful and one of the kindest people in my life, and I hope you'd accept my offer and become my wife." "Is Tadashi ok with this?" You asked suddenly. Kei gave a smile and nodded, "I asked him already if it was alright to pursue you, but would only agree to it if you did." You nodded, your pursed lips forming a smile. Of course your brother would say that, he was much more for your own thoughts than your father was. "That's a really funny reason to look for a wife." You teased, folding your hands in front of you. A short chuckle left Kei, "I know, but I assume this was the perfect push from my family to get their second son married." You laughed with him, before finally nodding, "Yes." "Yes?" He asked, unsure if he heard you correctly, because you've already turned five men down. "Yes, I would love to become your wife." You were practically beaming now. Eyes bright as you smiled at him. Tsukishima couldn't help but smile just as brightly at you. Maybe he liked you more than he originally thought. He clenched and unclenched his hands nervously, "That's, That's great. I don't have a ring for you yet, I wanted you to pick out something you liked if that is alright with you." He added. "That's very thoughtful of you, and perfectly fine with me." You replied and unclasped your hands, "You may hold my hand." You've never been intimate with a man beside your brother or father, so you were unsure if you were missing any social queues. He did just as you said and grabbed your hand, planting a kiss on your knuckles before lacing his fingers with yours, "Would you like to tell your family the news then?" Tadashi, Hitoka, and your mother burst with happiness when you walked back hand-in-hand. It was a huge giveaway that you said yes. They were all happy for the both of you, the women already fawning over you and talking about the wedding that didn't have a date yet. Though it wasn't much different to how Kei's parents and brother reacted when you were introduced to them. His mother had apparently already got together with your mother to plan shopping trips and hiring a wedding planner, the whole package. Both of you were blushing nonstop. It would certainly be the story to tell of how Kei proposed at the wedding, it all starting with the accusation of the male being gay. How unfortunate.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #tsukishima kei #hq #hq!!#reader #x reader #x reader insert #reader insert #reposted from deviantart #tsukishima x reader #kei tsukishima

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