#tried to articulate my thoughts more but honestly this is all it is at the end of the day

[northern-passage]

the extreme in italics too? i'm imagining them like that gif of that person walking on the street recoiling in horror at zoomed in shots of lesbian behavior except in this case it's like...two references to hormone potions

transphobes will get mad any time they're put in a situation where they are forced to acknowledge the fact that trans people exist

[rubysparx]

Honestly I don't think I'm qualified to make this post, I just don't know if I can make coherent enough words man. But the thoughts are in there and I will try to articulate them. This is probably going to be mostly images though. anyway yeah KABRU POST.

A couple nights ago (at approximately 2:30am, lasting a little over half an hour) I had a bit of a moment about Kabru. That, too, was mostly images- most of what you see in this more concise post were presented then as well. I think my main points of the "moment" were about Kabru's trauma + self hatred, his autism and/or general otherness, and also a little labru if you'd like..

I think something easy to start with is I wanna point out Kabru's constant back and forth and conflicting opinions of demihumans and how, I believe, thats a reflection of how he goes back and forth on what he believes his purpose of living is- and the general worth of his own life. I've said it before and i've just kinda shown it in images; Kabru is "i think im a monster and it disgusts me" where Laios is "I know im a human and it disgusts me" (i could go more into the latter on another post)

the above are both from the world bible, with the left being from the section on kobolds and the right being from the section on Kuro specifically. Utaya was very near to the desert where most of the kobold population is, this is likely why Kabru is able to speak Kuro's language- he grew up around demihumans. (chapter 48 cover, kobold chapter in the world bible) I won't try to speak for how his mother or the rest of utaya felt about the kobolds but I can say that Kabru was very much othered as a child, as was his mother, purely for the way her son's (kabru) eyes looked.

I feel like its fair enough to say that both kabru and the kobolds were othered, and possibly for similar reasons (villager's seeing them as nonhuman, as monsters) and the fact that Kabru learned their language probably didn't help his case. I think his perception of kobolds (and all demihumans, subsequently himself, as he probably still views himself as nonhuman or not human enough.. deep down) was damaged by the Utaya incident. at 2:30am when I first started this ramble my main comment was that "had the utaya incident not happened kabru would have little reason to feel ashamed for his connection to monsters. and may have ended up similar to laios in that he couldve had otherkin swag" which is just a sort of silly way of saying Kabru could've learned to love the thought that he is possibly nonhuman or at least not hated himself so much for it.

in the original ramble I said, and quote, "he has been STALKING laios. laios is his hyperfixation to learn how he can ever be loved. he keeps going back and forth so harshly on wether or not he wants to kill Laios and he clearly sees his survival from utaya not as an unfortunate trauma [*] but as a necessary, deserved fate. a punishment for his mother's witchy sins, and for his sin of being non-human. to atone for it all, to apologize for being alive, he tries to better the lives of all humanity. He was set on his way to dethrone the governor of the island . do you understand? im going insane" *i also said somethings about the way he processes other people's traumas and not his own. He's able to understand and even help some people, but he struggles to process his own issues and see himself as worthy of love and life.

^some examples of Kabru being understanding of or helping others who have suffered greatly. I think its also worth mentioning that with Rin (called "Lynn" in that translation) he says "I wish there was a way to get her out of this" though he's insisted and pushed for himself to go into a dungeon;

In chapter 94, Mithrun says "The desire I had left wasn't revenge. All I wanted.. was for it to finish devouring me." and I don't feel like it's a stretch to say Kabru was in a similar situation. Mithrun sought out the demon with no plan on how to kill something like that because deep down he wanted it to end his (Mithrun's) own life, to finish the trauma it caused and kill him. I think Kabru went into the dungeon in part with the hopes that it'd kill him. That the same thing that destroyed Utaya and caused him so much trauma would just.. finish him.

I just think Kabru is a beautifully complex character, I have a lotta thoughts on him and I don't see nearly as many analysis posts for him than I do Laios (despite labru being such a popular ship)

there is no tldr for this post idk how to summarize it. do what you will with this collection of images. have fun. go crazy

fun fact the woman in the bottom left corner is his mother, she is labeled here as "witch"

[nqmonarch]

happy valentine's day!! <3 honestly anything for aventurine is fine, probably like what are your thoughts about him?

Happy very belated Valentine's day! I hope yours was wonderful anon!

Anyway I think my thoughts about Aventurine are uh... definitely out there. Normally when I write stuff I like to read the character's little lore things and read over character's quotes to make sure I'm depicting them well but Aventurine doesn't have much of that and my overall thoughts on him are straight up just my thoughts which are...

Aw he's baby :). I can't take him seriously x.x like I feel like under that haha let's gamble it all away front he is both terrifying but also so weak and vulnerable. Like I want to hold him in my arms and tell him he has meaning but at the same time I think he may be some kind of masochist (hot), I don't know he just gives off those vibes he's like "use me, as long as it's fun." Like okay man.

Aventurine is both the most and least predictable person you've ever met. His existence itself is like a gamble you can never tell what will come next, will it be the cocky and confident Aventurine edging you on to take his carefully laid out bait? Or would it be the pathetic Aventurine hiding beneath the surface of all his actions who's begging to be comforted?

He acts so nonchalant for someone that cares so much. It was the only reason you still tolerated him. You also cared about Aventurine but he didn't need to know that. He also didn't need to know about the lengths you went to in order to keep him out of trouble.

The two of you getting together was a miracle in itself. Because Aventurine would've never asked you out seriously. He would've teased you about it, and about your lack of a partner. Maybe he would've made a bet or two to make you hang out with him on a date. But he was too scared of commitment to give it a label.

Of course he would be scared of commitment when everything he's ever had, he's lost and everything he's gained isn't his own. How else would he be able to gamble everything he knows to be true so easily? It pissed you off to an extent, and made you hesitant to commit. What if that fucker used you in a bet? He probably wouldn't but everything with Aventurine was a gamble.

So one day after the idiot had almost gotten himself in trouble, only to be saved by his luck, you had angrily grabbed him by his neck and pressed him against the wall.

You were fine with him betting nearly everything from millions of credits to rare items. He wasn't allowed to bet his life though. Not when you were around. Because his life was yours. You wouldn't let Aventurine die.

Through an unorganized and incoherent train of thoughts you tried to express yourself to Aventurine and at first he teased you,

"You really care about me that much? You're a better friend than I thought you would be, how useful!"

But as those thoughts straightened out more into a heartfelt confession he began to quiet and freeze. Maybe if this was a game to him he'd be able to maintain his light hearted facade but you hoped you meant more. You'd known him for a while after all, and better than anyone else.

Aventurine, struggling to articulate his thoughts, only nodded at the end. Then you kissed him. His lips were hesitant against yours but his hands gripped onto your arms tightly, refusing to let go. He didn't want to seem desperate, he didn't want to seem like he cared, but the silent plea of his arms wrapping around you spoke words.

For the most part he acted as a complement to your personality. When you didn't go after him, he went after you always in an attempt to sweep you off your feet unexpectedly. When you went after him, he'd lay still and let himself be attacked unable to defend himself as a blush rose up his neck to his ears and cheeks.

A serious relationship was something new for the both of you. And given how Aventurine acted, and how you struggled to explain your emotions, the two of you ran into communication issues often.

But despite it all the two of you made it through. After all how can one better express love than saving the other's life?

Aventurine had foolishly bet his life again, this time for some inconsequential thing. The two of you had been talking to a new "friend" of his, that ended up having ties with your past. As such they'd managed to come across some minor family heirloom of yours and for some reason trying to barter with it for information.

You could've cared less but Aventurine for some reason took the bait. Inviting this "friend" to a gamble, in which if he won then he would receive Aventurine's life and assets something you thought to be overly dramatic. If Aventurine won he'd receive the heirloom and the information you'd actually come here for, the information that would allow you to blackmail the government of this planet into giving into the IPC.

Aventurine managed to lose, but it's not like it mattered. Since your bullet was through his "friend's" head in the next second. As he died you registered a small clicking sound and shielded yourself and Aventurine as the body exploded. Really? What a pain.

"The IPC will work even harder to get you killed if they know about this," You couldn't help but mutter, a frown on your face, "Is there anyone left we can contact for this?" Aventurine still had more contacts than you unsurprisingly.

Failure was always met with death for people like him.

"You want to talk to more people than me?" He spoke with mock offense and before you could retort he held out some papers, "He was useful until the very end." He joked and you frowned.

Your voice was beginning to raise in anger, "Did you have to go ahead and bet your life?"

He took a step closer, the documents disappearing, "You made the opening for me. Come on, don't be mad," His voice was coy as he grabbed your hand in his.

You didn't like it when he bet his life. If he was going to take such poor care of himself then his life would be safer in your hands. Aventurine had already begun to lead the way to your next destination and your eyes rested on him, analyzing every detail. They continued without pause until they found his neck, you wanted to cover that barcode on his neck up with bites.

When you got back to the hotel room you were staying at you found the heirloom resting on the bed, and you let out an aggravated sigh. "That bastard... I told him I didn't care about it." And you didn't but you opened up the music box nonetheless and a tune began to play out.

A few moments after it began you felt arms wrap around you and hot breath on your neck. You closed your eyes and leaned into Aventurine, "Your life will always be the most important thing to me," You spoke softly.

He stiffened and then relaxed, "That's a terrible decision."

He was annoying. Hard to communicate with. He was also always a gamble, you could never predict him. But he kept life interesting, he was interesting, and amusing. You didn't want such an adorable person to die.

Maybe one day the two of you would be able to have a completely serious conversation but that'd be a while, and for now you were content with the man that loves you who you love back.

Aventurine trying to avoid affection like an insect avoiding rain drops but you're a motherfucking tsunami.

I CANT BELIEVE I FINISHED THIS IT WAS SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG

I started it like a week after I got it and then had writers block on what to do but anyway yeah this is my take on ya boy Aventurine. He's kinda pathetic but I'm into that.

[kaurwreck]

I saw your recent headcanon bsd post and honestly you really get the characters (or you get me <3 because i fully agree with them) especially the Atsushi and Dazai one which is practically canon for me. Do you have more Atsushi and Dazai headcanon you can share? I really love it when people talk about those two

I'm so glad the Atsushi and Dazai headcanon resonated with you! I call them headcanons, but they're canon to me; it's my sandbox and I'm building sandcastles.

I don't think I'm articulate enough to adequately express my thoughts about Atsushi and Dazai's relationship, so rather than try, I'm going to share more bulleted snippets of headcanons that hopefully relay the vibes if not the substance.

Atsushi is emotionally brilliant, but has the intellect of an idiot kitten. Dazai is intellectually brilliant, but has the emotional intelligence of an idiot kitten. Nevertheless, Atsushi is NOT self-aware, in the slightest, while Dazai is excruciatingly self-aware. They would devour each other in the wild but are a bonded pair in captivity.

At least once a week, Dazai loses Atsushi at the store and then doesn't listen to the intercom when he's called.

Dazai thrusts himself into the thick of villains and conflicts because the narrative will not let him die, but he can't move it forward from there. Atsushi can and is compelled to, even, because it's the only way he'll survive.

In 55 Minutes, Atsushi indicates that maybe all skills come from elsewhere and are imposed upon us. In that way, he's drawing a parallel between skills and the cultural, societal, temporal, familial influences that construct our understanding of our existence. He's also saying that perhaps what Dazai and Kyouka have going on with their otherness and inability to control their skills is kind of what happens to all of us, just in different ways. This is why he is the protagonist. He does not see separation. He sees people and he sees the constructs and frameworks that people build around themselves, but which they can also deconstruct and rebuild. Dazai isn't convinced he's a person, but Atsushi guilelessly and unwaveringly looks at him and sees a person anyway. He has that effect on others; he did the same thing to Kyouka, and Lucy, and Akutagawa, and even Ango when Ango aimed a gun at Kyouka and Lucy. Worse yet, they see reflections of their personhood in his eyes. It's intoxicating, and enlivening, and frustrating, and terrifyingly vulnerable. Dazai experiences it as absolution. Atsushi experiences it as obvious.

Dazai tries to give Atsushi shaken baby syndrome when Atsushi annoys him, even though Yosano keeps telling him that Atsushi's too old.

Chuuya and Atsushi unabashedly want to love and be loved, it's second nature to them, albeit in different ways. But Akutagawa and Dazai convinced themselves they were perfectly fine not loving and never being loved; up until they met someone who everyone loves, which is so, horribly vexing to them because they're so different and unique and no one understands them and yet here they are, vying for the attention of someone who seems to know something they don't. So, they cope by loving those they love in ways no one else does. Which is to say: like freaks.

Dazai gets involved with Atsushi and Akutagawa not just because they need mentorship or for Atsushi. He's there in solidarity with Akutagawa. Dazai is there because he needs someone who understands the reality of the idiot situation that they got themselves into because they're idiots. Dazai and Akutagawa were both supposed to die young and in abject misery. And yet here they are. Being yanked around by objectively unreasonable people who seem to think they know better. Worse, Dazai knows that he and Akutagawa want to believe them.

Atsushi and Dazai are cat-coded, when the others run it activates their predator instincts.

dazai is so afraid of feeling; he doesn't think you can survive emotion, he thinks emotions exist to trick you or destroy you and that others' expressions of emotions are disingenuous or naive; emotions burn him terribly and he can't imagine it's any different for everyone else. and if it is, then that just further evidences that he's not human after all, that he wasn't built to survive in a world that hurts him so terribly. it's why he's so certain kunikida is going to get swallowed by his ideals. it's why he raised akutagawa in pain and neglect and why he was so disgusted by akutagawa's lack of emotional control. it's why he can't hold onto chuuya for longer than it takes chuuya to fall asleep after corruption. it's why he slapped atsushi and demanded disassociation from him when atsushi started to panic about what he'd done to naomi and haruno. but fyodor is what it looks like when you succumb to that, and chuuya and atsushi and oda are what it looks like when you don't, and as much as dazai thinks he's capable of loving anyone, he loves atsushi and chuuya and oda, all of whom grappled with their own humanity and then elected to be human anyway. and as much as he thinks the others are deluding themselves, and as much as he still believes he's right about humanity's insincerity and insipidity, and since oda asked him just before dying over his own fruitless emotions anyway (although it began before oda asked), dazai has decided he would rather fiercely protect the outcasts who refuse to see their own futility than exert any energy proving himself correct. and if he can bully a reflection of himself in the process thereof, then all the better.

Dazai lies and claims Atsushi is his son for Father's Day discounts. It's so obviously untrue and outlandish that store clerks are too distressed by his thick face to call him out and so he gets away with it. Atsushi plays along because he wants the discounts too.

[vernons-girl]

Hi hii, i'm here to request another comfort Jun fic. He deserves more fics written about him he's such a healing soul :(( maybe something about Jun being down or insecure and reader just comforting him? Honestly you can choose plot just put some heavy angst and hurt/comfort into it please. You're amazing, keep writing <33

( also i might be a regular anon so is it okay if i be your 🥯 anon )

a glimmer of hope | wen junhui

angst,hurt to comfort,w.c:0.4k a/n: thank you for your request, this is really short i'm sorry :( but i hope you'll like it!! and ofc you can be my🥯 anon! this is so cute kfjvdkjvj (you're my first anon omg)

Jun sat on the edge of your shared bed, his head bowed and his hands clasped tightly together. The weight of insecurity bore down on his shoulders like a heavy burden, pressing him deeper into the abyss of self-doubt. His thoughts were a whirlwind of negativity, each one a sharp blade tearing away at his fragile confidence.

He had always struggled with feeling inadequate, never quite measuring up to the expectations he imagined others had of him. No matter how hard he tried, it seemed like he was always falling short, always disappointing those around him. His mind echoed with voices of criticism, both real and imagined, each one chipping away at his sense of self-worth.

In the dimly lit room, he felt utterly alone, suffocated by the darkness that seemed to seep into every corner of his being. He longed for someone to understand, someone to reach out and pull him from the depths of his despair.

And then you appeared, he suddenly saw light in the darkness, was it the light from the living room or your presence ? It didn't matter to him, because you were here.

Sensing something was off, you approached him cautiously, your steps soft against the floorboards as you made your way to his side. Gently, you reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, offering him a silent gesture of support.

Jun flinched at your touch, his muscles tensing beneath your gentle grip. He felt unworthy of your kindness, undeserving of your compassion. But still, he couldn't bring himself to push youaway.

"What's wrong, Jun?" you asked softly.

He hesitated, the words catching in his throat like shards of glass. How could he possibly articulate the storm raging inside him, the crippling fear that threatened to consume him whole?

"I... I just feel like I'm not good enough," he finally admitted, his voice barely a whisper.

Your heart ached at the raw vulnerability in his words, the pain etched into every syllable. You knelt beside him, your eyes meeting his with a depth of understanding that spoke volumes.

"You are more than enough, Jun," you said firmly, voice tinged with conviction. "You are strong, and capable, and worthy of love and acceptance. Don't let anyone, not even yourself, convince you otherwise." you declared.

Tears welled up in Jun's eyes, his defenses crumbling in the face of your unwavering support. He leaned into your touch, seeking solace in the warmth of your embrace.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, he allowed himself to believe your words, to believe that maybe, just maybe, he was deserving of happiness after all.

And in that fleeting moment of vulnerability, surrounded by the darkness and the pain, he found a glimmer of hope—a fragment of strength to carry him through the darkest of nights : you.

[soracities]

Re: that anon who thinks kids are evil

I'm really sorry that anon went through a tough time during childhood (and I did too, being bullied at school and abused at home) but kids aren't fundamentally evil. They're IMPRESSIONABLE. which is incredibly different. They like imitating adults around them, and so when they are surrounded by terrible, mean adults, they act terrible and mean towards themselves & their peers too. It was apparent that anon was surrounded by adults who weren't nice and didn't do their job of educating those kids (including offering anon support), which is really sad.

But regardless of that, kids simply learn from people around them and they can be, and most often are, sweet and nice. and most importantly, even if they aren't sweet or nice, they are deserving of love and compassion and respect and affection, because only with that can we cultivate and nurture the sweet & kind side in their soul.

I feel like if anon felt alienated for being different, they should especially beware of such generalizing rhetoric of "all kids are [insert adjective]" because that's the exact kind of speech that isolates and alienates kids who act different. And I wonder if anon realizes that it was their abuser's language that's coming out of their mouth.

(source: im an educator and ive never known a kid who's not sweet and lovable to me)

(cont'd) also, kind of unrelated but it made me think of this absolutely heartbreaking, sweet kid that I met on Tuesday during a visit to a kindergarten. I was supposed to go to different kindergartens to evaluate their teaching and give consultations, and a part of what I need to do is this one-on-one language assessment with the kids (age five and their mother tongue isn't english). So there was this girl, whose first words after sitting down was "I don't know any English." And I was like haha it's alright! Let's just try and see how much you know, then we can see where you can practice more on! And she went "okay >_<" (rather earnestly, like she didn't say she doesn't know shit because she didn't want to try) So we did a task, and she scored above average so I was like "You did really well! Why did you say you don't know anything?" and she went "But I still got two wrong :(" which was like, wtf girl who fucked up your self-esteem?? Kindergarten aged kids should feel like they're the coolest smartest shit in the world!! Like I was already ready to fight for her at this point okay Anyways I said "it's alright, now you know where you can work on!" and did another task with her, which she also did pretty well in So I tried to tell her some cliche encouragement like "sometimes we feel like we don't know anything because we feel scared, but when we be brave and try things out, usually we know a lot more than we thought we could! Just like you right now, look at how well you did! So please believe in yourself more" And this little girl deadass looked me in the eye and told me, very sincerely, "because mommy doesn't believe in herself, so I don't believe in myself either :(" I controlled my face, but internally my jaw was on the fking floor and I was screaming crying pulling my hair out. I was so HEARTBROKEN. Like I need to talk to that woman coz what did you do to your kid?? What did you project on her?? And this kid is so smart?? She is so self-aware like she is able observe her mother's emotions & understand her mentality and THEN recognize how her mother's mentality shapes her own?? Honestly, I don't think the majority of people at my age right noweven realize how others' mentality relate to their own. And she is able to articulate all that! Which just makes her statement extra sad, because she is so so smart and observant but she believes she doesn't know anything and that she is bad at school, which is fucking WRONG And I was just so fking devastated!! I want to hug her I want to adopt her I want to fix everything for her but I don't know how I could ever do that. I am not even her teacher, I'm just a nobody who comes once a month for some dumb observations and just, I don't have the ability to do anything significant enough. I tried my best to smile and said "oh no... but you said you think mommy is smart right? she just doesn't know that herself! and I think you are also very good, so you need to remember it for me okay?" and she was like ok >< Then I went home and cried for an hour cause I just feel so... powerless and like what am I doing?? What can I even do to change things for her and kids like her?? When and how will I ever be enough to make her feel happy and brilliant and innocent and no need to act so mature??? Kids are my soft spot and I don't think I will ever cease to feel heartbroken for them. They are so precious and trusting and loving yet so many adults just... betray that trust and abuse that love. And it is so easy to break them but so hard to build them back up, which is simply unfair. Anyways sorry for the venting (sort of) I just want to pour these out because I love kids so much and I want to hug them all and they are so precious and lovable and incredible. I guess my point is just please love and be kind to the kids you know and encounter cause you don't want to fuck them up and not to mention how could you feel anything but adoration when you interact with them

oh my God..................please don't apologize, I'm so, so grateful you took the time to write and share this because I could not agree with you more. I think people really don't seem to understand the depth to which children understand and interpret and process things and it is truly one of the most illuminating and profoundly humbing things to witness and be part of. For what it's worth I think your presence and your conversation absolutely meant something to that little girl and I believe it makes a difference to have validation like that, even just for a day 💗 The kids you work with are very lucky to have someone who cares so deeply about their wellbeing and, heartbreaking as I know it can be, I hope you don't forget that 💗

[cannellee]

how did you get so good at writing? i'm so deprived of Tokyo Rev content (not that there isn't alot but I read so much that I basically refresh AO3 and tumblrs tags every day to see if anything new has been posted), that i'm almost to the breaking point of a Thanos "fine i'll do it myself" and starting up writing again Is it just practice? Is it better to post cringey writing that isn't that good ;-; I think I fall into the trap of making any OC or y/n Mary Sue and some authors write with such prose and emotion that i'm like dang how can I write like that love your work!!!! always re-reading <3

first of all thank you so much for all of your kind messages!!! you're literally so sweet😭

(I really tried to be useful and concise, I hope it's not too messy/long : i'm definitely not a real author so my tips might be really bad and specific too😭)

I actually started writing tokyorev abo content precisely because of that reason, I felt like I read everything about it and I couldn't find anything more, especially one with scenarios I actually like. this is why I started my blog!

I honestly wasn't so sure about opening my own blog on tumblr. of course you're bound to compare your work to other authors out there who are definitely wayyy better at writing than you, which is why I hesitated a lot.

but! I already had an account on wattpad where I posted fics, so I felt like my cringey era was behind me (it was easier for me to start here because i knew what my mistakes were when writing and what i struggled with. whereas, when i just started on wattpad, i really felt unsure if i was doing correctly + i was younger, so less sure of myself). but wattpad really helped me see what made my work cringey, what parts were unnecessary and stuff like that.

but what is so frustrating is how bad my writing is in english compared to how I'm able to write in my maternal language. like, when I read other posts and everything with better vocabulary, grammar, who know how to articulate sentences and words, you can tell it's something you can only achieve by being reallyyy comfortable with english. I'm not saying I struggle with english or anything, but the language barrier was one of my biggest doubts when I thought about starting posting fics here on tumblr.

also! when I write something and think it's cringey, I let it marinate for a few days and read it again. it's easier to judge my writing when I put some distance with it, then I correct my mistakes and stuff like that. but really, writing and writing is the only way you'll be able to improve, so it should really not stop you!

but in the end, I don't think anybody ever started writing fics and was automatically good at it. you really have to try and see what works and what doesn't. youre able to see what post gets more attention than the other and try and understand why : is it because of a character or the scenario was better or is it your writing ? feedbacks on your work really help actually, so don't be afraid to try even if youre not fully convinced and confident! I posted cringey stuff too and I still do sometimes😭 I know people do a wayy better job than me, but I really like to write so I don't let it stop me from posting.

and for the y/n character, I try to make her and her reactions as neutral as possible and make her do stuff anyone would do in those situations. but I honestly can't deny that I sometimes fall into those stereotypical y/n writing, which I actually enjoy☠️. but I really try to have her say normal stuff, not describe her too much and basically just think of her as the most basic girl you could meet (generic ahh traits : kind, sweet, bubbly, soft spoken...). some people hate that and some don't, I just write what I'm most comfortable with.

same, if you to start writing you should start by doing stuff and scenarios which you really like and inspire you. don't go and try to write something you know people will like, but rather something you're confident in writing because that's a character you like and know how to describe, and because you have so much ideas which would really fit him etc.

and what helped me are the headcanons with the lists. maybe you noticed, maybe you didn't, but I used to list stuff when I started posting. it's just easier to structure my ideas, to see them more clearly. writing huge paragraphs are actually more of a hardwork I think, because everything has to follow the precedent idea and it has to be comprehensible, linked to what you're gonna say next etc. if you list what you wanna say, you can talk about how a character's personality is like and then change the subject radically without having to think and care about the transitions and overall plan (of course if it's too out of pocket it looks weird, but I hope you understand what I mean)

and if you want to write stories and not do little headcanons, what I do when I'm stuck and don't know what to write is that I also sometimes only write a part I really like and leave the beginning (or any other part) for another time when I'll be more inspired. I really don't have any hierarchy when I'm trying to find ideas, I wait for them to come naturally. I don't know what else I could say, it's really messy lmao😭

I hope you found it useful! you definitely will find people who write way better than me and who can help and guide you better than that, with better tips... that was more like my experience on tumblr than anything else, but I hope it could help you!!

[bullet-prooflove]

For my falling-asleep scenario I was thinking about Hale/Reader last night. And since I'm a sucker for angst, it was about their first real fight. Idk what your hc are, but I think Hale is someone who says hurtful things he quickly regrets, especially when he feels cornered / attacked. And I feel like she's someone who runs away. And when they argue while at his place, and she tries to leave, he snaps out of it a little and tries to calm the situation down, so she'll at least stay so they can talk about it the next morning. They go to bed grumpy and silently... especially because he can't bounce back so quickly. But they'll figure it out after their first cup of coffee in the morning.

So I think it would take something very hard to rile Hale when it comes to her as I feel they balance each other out. I think she's the more emotional one and he's the stabilty.

However the one thing that is like an ice pick in his brain is Jax Teller. He would lose all rationality if he saw the two of you together esp if he detected a trace of intimacy. He would stew on it the entire day, right up until you stepped through the door. Then he'd be quiet, so quiet. You'd just be chatting about your day like normal when he finally comes out with it and then it esculates.

I think it comes more from a place of worry than anything else, he knows what happens to the women who get tangled up with the Sons, they end up collateral damage.

Donna, accidently killed because Clay thought Opie had turned rat.

Gemma, raped by white supremeists.

Evelyn, Chib's partner, brutalised by Galen, an Irish King.

Suzie Q, Tig's girl, almost killed in an internal beef with Clay.

And that's the women he actually gives knows, that doesn't count the sugarbutts or croweaters that have got caught in the crossfire over the years. He can not stand the idea of something like that happening to you. He doesn't articulate this well, you misread it as jealousy and you lose your shit. It turns into a fight, you end up storming out. He breaks a couple of things out of frustration.

The next day he comes by your place with coffee, you both haven't slept. You both end up sitting on the back porch, sharing a cigarette, you in a robe and him in his uniform.

"I don't want you hurt or dead." He tells you frankly. "And that's where all roads lead with Jax Teller."

"I'm not fucking him."

"I know." he says. "But that doesn't matter to anyone who's gunning for him if you're in his proximity."

He isn't wrong because the thing you've seen that devastation up close and personal, heard it talked about behind closed doors. You were lucky to get out when you did.

"I'm not climbing back into his orbit." You tell him.

"But he wanted you to." David remarks as he blows out a stream of smoke before he passes you the cigarette.

"Yea." You say honestly as you take it from his hands. "He did."

Refs to Chibs & Tigs storylines

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 3x2 Thoughts

An episode for the ages! My favorite scene of s3 is still Ted’s press conference in 3x1 (plus there’s just something about an episode written by Leann Bowen that gets my right in the brain and right in the heart) but 3x2 was incredible and made me feel so excited about this show and the stories they’re telling and so excited that it feels like each character is going on a realistically new journey here in the final third of this arc. It’s kinda thrilling.

I already accidentally chatted about this episode with a bunch of people and honestly I’ll probably continue to lack the willpower to make this a truly “pure” reflection of my thoughts at the end of an episode. At the same time, this is my best effort to preserve and record my own feelings.

Rebecca’s backstory with Rupert is perfect. Timelines on this show continue to be a bit squishy and I’m okay with that. I love knowing that she was a bartender (I can see it! I can see her having this scattered relationship with her family and finding something she’s good at—albeit with a massive safety net—and I want to know allllll her opinions on cocktails and tending bar). I love the pain of her having been the other woman while Rupert was married to someone else—the knowledge that would have given her of what he was capable of (and the manipulation was so well-crafted that she was still surprised that he cheated on her, which I believe), but also the pain of having been so manipulated into believing Rupert genuinely saw something special in her, and how much that kind of attention followed by his present-day open revulsion (all performances) would fuck a person up. I particularly loved that she finally told Keeley about the origin of that relationship while watching Rupert manipulate Zava; Rebecca understands that Rupert’s power isn’t just something he wields to get sex from women, but a skill that impacts how he conducts himself professionally. If viewers watched that scene and the connection she’s drawing between all these different types of experiences and still don’t understand that Rupert is abusive, that’s on them.

I’ve been filtering through my thoughts on Rebecca knowing Rupert was married, and how that intersects with her experience finding her father cheating. In a lot of ways, I think Deborah is the key to all of this. Even if Rebecca didn’t confront her mother, she tried to, and her mother shut it down to the point of giving her still very young daughter the silent treatment for months while she was away at university. Even though it wasn’t Deborah’s fault that she was getting cheated on any more than it was Rebecca’s fault that Rupert manipulated her or that Rupert cheated on her too, I think Deborah’s refusal to go there with her daughter had an incredibly toxic impact on Rebecca’s sense of self-worth. I think she probably felt very unspecial, very alone—even with friends and a job and who knows what other relationships—and even if she didn’t, even if she felt fine, suddenly she couldn’t imagine life without Rupert making her feel special. It’s tragic and messy and I think it’s a really good character choice for Rebecca to have had the level of knowledge she had. It also mirrors the knowledge someone like Nathan has, deep down, about the good and bad in people, while he very understandably makes this choice to align himself with West Ham and with Rupert even as Rupert is throwing away his car and making choices for him and twisting him into thinking that’s respect.

This was such an incredible Roy episode. I find it interesting and really wonderful that Rebecca’s been aware of the breakup for days or weeks (and Higgins, too, unless Keeley didn’t tell him why she needed to sob into his clean shirt) and didn’t tell any of Roy’s colleagues even though these are all people in her world, too. Everyone else at the club tries their best—and Roy does end up needing some help and direction for articulating his feelings more—but they’re all really outward in their displays of sympathy. I really like that Rebecca, who went through probably the most nightmarish breakup on this show so far, is the one who’s most circumspect about it all.

There’s just so much. So much. Roy having held this grudge against Trent since he was seventeen, feelings deeply hurt by adjectives in a newspaper, then going on to embody at least some of those adjectives (but effectively! And with talent! But not always with intention!) for the rest of his career. It makes it so moving to think about Roy telling the team not to share anything with Trent. I like that Roy appears to have taken at face value Ted being over the article Trent posted about him; it feels like this may be yet another thing Roy has attempted and failed to process on his own, another difference between Roy and other people, where Roy carries around this old newspaper clip for decades but Ted has “healed” in a matter of months. (Not that all this was directly in the text of the show, but I think it’s really telling that the Trent thing is the source of the first true conflict between Ted and Roy where Ted ends up needing to very assertively provide Roy with some direction.) It’s all so intricate, all the different shower conversations, and Roy’s revelation about why maybe he shouldn’t have left Chelsea so hastily being something he needed to hear himself say (because of Keeley) and also something Ted needed to hear Roy say at this time of being very aware of what he’s left behind in Kansas and even more crucially aware that he’s got a decision to make about Richmond. Roy doesn’t know that Ted is questioning his value so profoundly, and it made everything that happened in that final scene so !!!!!!!! And Ted kind of plays it up, batting his eyelashes and talking about how lucky it is he and Roy met, and of course it’s both of their wild leaving-things-early decisions that got them to this place, and maybe Ted can start to see how good that is even if he’s still got a lot to sift through. And then he’s alone in the office and his face becomes this entirely different thing. <3 

(And I do like that Trent is there to witness a lot of that. I really enjoyed his role in this episode and I think I’ll enjoy the layer of storytelling and awareness he lends to the various football and feelings arcs this season. I think Trent is a fun character who brings out something interesting in basically everyone he interacts with. I’ve never been that compelled by him in a fannish way, though. He can be fun to think about, but I don’t really ship him with anyone and I don’t find the fanon around him very interesting. Is this the most shocking and divisive thing I’ve ever said in one of these! Maybe! It makes me very happy that so many people are Trent girlies [all gender]! I am just not one of them! But season 3 is making me care!)

Keeley is the Ted of PR! Ted is the Keeley of football! Ted almost faints when he finds out Roy and Keeley broke up! He’s there for both of them! He’s a good friend! And Keeley is having such a little Ted journey in the wild yet staid world of KJPR. I really like that it’s clear now that she didn’t hire that team; a larger firm has clearly made these placements. It makes me have lots of questions about the nature of the firm’s investments in her. Everything with Shandy was brilliant. I was chatting with a friend (hi @theodore-lasso) who pointed out that Keeley has possibly taken Rebecca’s “hire your best friend” advice a bit too literally. Yes, Shandy has industry knowledge, but Keeley might not be ready to simultaneously navigate insisting that Barbara treat everyone with respect while also setting boundaries with Shandy in that we cannot simply be expensing mimosas at work. I think it’s fascinating that Keeley has never once described her career shift as “getting out” and has never articulated—or even seemed to experience—any shame over topless modeling or any of her previous jobs, nor have Rebecca, Roy, Keeley, Nathan, Higgins, or anyone else in her life who she’s talked work with made any assumptions about that. (Ted covering up the photo in 1x1 feels adjacent to that kind of judgment, but to me it’s always felt like a judgment of Jamie Tartt’s judgment rather than a reflection on Keeley’s own judgment.) So it’s so fascinating to me that Shandy, a person doing the same work, is the first person to express that perspective. And Keeley just immediately gets her out. Immediately hires her. Seeing both the real goodness in that—it’s very Ted “I don’t wanna bench Roy because he’s going through a lot of emotions and he needs this” Lasso of her—and the ways she’s making things more complicated for herself is so fascinating. I’m here for it.

And Beard! Beard! Reduced largely to pitch-perfect, hilarious shrieks for this episode, he somehow still manages to be wonderful. And if I had fewer feelings about the look on Ted’s face when Beard matter-of-factly tells Ted he can’t pass along his hello to Jane because she still finds their relationship threatening…fewer feelings about that would mean I could say more. It hurts. So much. And yet I was so relieved to see that dynamic in Ted and Beard’s relationship because I think it makes it clear that either Ted really is going to need to become a “threat” to Jane (he’s already taken Rebecca’s feedback in terms of fighting back for her and for the team [“our team”...not over it], and he’s already made it clear that Roy needed to get over himself and deal with the Trent thing, so maybe he’s in his growing-vertebrae era. And even if we don’t ever see Ted interact with Jane, it could be just as satisfying for him to be honest with Beard about everything he’s observing. 

Side note: I loved the “hope you aren’t late” joke Ted is ready with as soon as he finds out Beard is going to a play about menstrual cycles. I love that the quickness between them almost never falters even when things are hard.

Side note: Ted’s Breakup Mix!

Side note: Higgins’ convoluted connections! The comedic rhythm he and Rebecca (and Keeley, when she’s around, and Ted, when he’s around) have this season is so good.

Side note: As someone who watched my first Hallmark movie specifically so I could write fic for the holiday exchange, Ted’s entire speech about Hallmark movies was so incredible and had me losing my entire mind. I think I literally had my hands clapped over my mouth. My wife was supportively laughing at me.

Not a side note but every feeling in the world: Many more people have observed this already, but the contrast between Rupert showing up to a bar every day and claiming he’s there without expectation just because it’s worth it to be near Rebecca vs. Ted showing up with the biscuits every day very much with a stated purpose—they can’t be good partners without getting to know each other well—makes my little Ted/Rebecca heart soar. It explains so much about why she was so resistant to the biscuit tradition at first, as well as the great significance of why she’s come to rely on it. 

There are a million other things. This episode was really rich and layered. I loved s1 for its perfection—its confidence bolting out of the gate and establishing a world I wanted to live in. I loved s2 for its pain and mess and soul. But so far s3 is really, really earning its place as an answer to both of those contrasting experiences, and I’m so excited for more. 

[caterpillarinacave]

I love Charlotte and Henry and they're super underrated. And I would VERY MUCH like to hear the headcanons whirring about in your brain.

Oh well buckle up cause literally all I think about is head cannons. Like, you know how cells replace themselves every few years? Mine have replaced themselves with head cannons. *Sorry it took me a hot moment to answer this ask, I was busy howling into my pillow whenever I tried to articulate thoughts.*

First of all, they’re very cuddly. They basically sleep on top of each other (Charlotte hasn’t needed a pillow in decades). Henry cant sleep well without Charlotte in his arms and Charlotte can’t sleep well anywhere other than Henry’s arms so it works out. Plus, they both do that thing where they jerk awake like the world is ending and scare the shit out of each other, so sleeping in a hug that basically pins them both down saves some energy at 2am. Henry’s perpetually cold and sleeps under like, four blankets, so Charlotte just wears summer nightgowns all year and wraps herself around Henry like a koala.

Naturally there’s an angsty side to the incessant cuddling because that’s just the way I role.

Charlotte sleeps with her head on Henry’s chest so she can always feel him breathing because, by the angel, she remembers when he wasn’t. She sleeps with a hand on his pulse point because she wakes up in the middle of the night and she’s still half asleep they might as well be on the floor in that mountain and she might as well still be desperately swearing she didn’t imagine his heartbeat.

While on the topic of soul crushing feelings of guilt, y’all remember from Clockwork Angel that Henry was the one who told Mortmain what a Pyxis was? And he wanted Charlotte to tell the clave that and she wouldn’t because “they already treat him so badly”? Because I do. And so does Henry.

(I’ve got a whole WIP that I love very dearly about this head cannon and this chess game hehe) There’s one random old tutor who goes to the London institute once a month-ish, basically to hand out a few weeks of homework to any shadow hunters who don’t have their own tutors. Most shadow hunters who live in a more rural area show up a few times a year so the clave knows they’re alive and at least somewhat literate. Charlotte attends them every month since, you know, she lives there, but Henry lives somewhere around Yorkshire so he shows up every few months. The professor is kind of a dick ngl. He doesn’t help Charlotte with any school why would a woman need to be so well educated? “Go on find a husband and stop worrying you’re pretty little head” sort of shit. Henry drives him insane because he’s a) some random kid who’s smarter than him and b) didn’t use any of the professors materials to get that smart. Professor Douche is constantly trying to get him to be wrong about something, or at least flustered about something and he doesnt ever do either of those things, and even more aggravating he refuses to get upset. (He honestly just assumed the professor wasn’t that smart.)

Charlotte’s a really good student of course, but she’s having a shit time with some mathematics and the professor absolutely refuses to help her with it. Eventually she asks Henry if he wouldn’t mind helping her with it, which he’s happy to do (once he figures out that’s what shes actually asking lol.)

Charlotte is incredibly distracted the entire time by Henry’s freckles (and eyes. And hands. And the way his hair curls on the nape of his neck. And the spots of gold and green in his hazel eyes that flashed as bright as the sun when the light catches them. And-), but they get through it in an hour or two which leaves them alone in a deserted wing of the institute. They end up playing a game chess. Charlottes a decent player and thought since Henry had never showed any interest in chess it would be a probably be an evenly matched game. She didn’t know what hit her. He beat her in like, eight minutes, eighty percent of which were spent on the last two moves by Charlotte who, upon realizing she was fucked, spent five minutes staring at the board trying to figure out when he even started beating her. She was sitting there having a whole crisis, (she’d been distracted by a man who probably doesn’t like her, and certainly doesn’t think much of her now after a pathetic loss like that and now she’ll have to sit hear and wallow in failure-) just preparing for him to start that whole smug gloating thing men do when they win and Henry you know. Didn’t. He just put the pieces away and thanked her for the game, in that very genuine way, with the gloomy London evening light casting a depressing shadow across the room, a shadow that he stood out against all gentle, kind, bright and brimming with a sort of barely contained passion. If Charlotte had ever doubted that shadow hunters had come from straight angels then sitting there, looking at a boy stained in soot, who she loved more than anything else to walk the earth, she would never doubt it again.

(It wasn’t until after Henry won and noticed Charlotte hadn’t said anything in a while that he remember people don’t like losing. Honestly he was playing just to be around her and he would have thrown the game if he could conceptualize how to do that on the fly. They spent like five minutes in autistic silence waiting for the other to stand up and declare newfound hatred.)

In true British fashion the a modern tea bag would kill them both.

When they were both 13 or 14 Charlotte mentioned she was dreading winter because it’s so bleak and dark (and her mom had died a few winters before, though she didn’t drop that in casual conversation). Anyways, come winter Henry brought her a marigold preserved in something like resin. She kept it in her jewelry box for years and after they got married she found out he had literally dozens of them. Whenever he came across a particularly bright flower he preserved it and set it aside. He was never quite brave enough to give them to her pre-TID, but he now leaves them for her when she’s particularly sad or stressed. She keeps them all in a drawer- they fit together like little tiles, and still look as fresh as they would had they just been plucked from the ground.

Somewhat surprisingly Henry doesn’t really lose stuff, with the singular exception being his own medical equipment. He’s lost the leg braces he wears every single day of his life before. Charlotte’s not usually speechless but she wasn’t sure what to say to that one.

Henry gave Charlotte a watch with a hands and numbers that can glow the same way a modern day one would. It’s absolutely beautiful, durable and accurate, even if Henry set himself on fire at least four times making it. (They can say with confidence that that watch is fireproof)

—-

Honestly, I could go on and on, then on some more, but technically I’m supposed to be writing a paper on gut micro biomes that’s due tomorrow, so I figured I’d cut myself of. In conclusion, I love them dearly, they love each-other dearly, they deserve the world, all I can think about is them, and the world can pry them out of my cold dead hands.

[shoechoe]

Donatella and Diavolo for the ask game? (And maybe Squatizi? 🦈)

For Squatizi- I remember the mix of surprise and excitement I felt when I saw the two of them on my first watch of VA. At that point, I had kind of just assumed that Jojo had no actually on-screen LGBT+ characters (The only canonical non-cishet at that point was DIO, whose bisexuality was only confirmed by Araki and is never actually stated or shown in the work) and was simply popular with the community due to its general nature (which does appeal to a lot of gay subcultures and tastes in that way). The notorious Bury-Your-Gays moment with Sorbet and Gelato didn't help either.

So, when Tiziano and Squalo showed up, going so far as to fondle each other on-screen, I just went "holy shit". These two are actually gay? And we get to see it? Honestly, I cared less about the fight in that arc and was just interested in seeing what would be done with those two- I suppose it wasn't explicitly stated they were together, but the on-screen groping was kind of enough to tip you off. Just for that reason, I do have a fondness for them, and I do understand why people love them and mess around with them so much in fanon.

Though, while the novelty of an actual gay couple in Jojo excites me alone, much of their writing still frustrates me and they were far from what I'd consider "good representation". They had very little screentime and were really less two individual characters and more just two halves of one whole. The fight itself was underwhelming (which you articulated perfectly in a previous post of yours) and Squalo dying almost instantly after Tiziano instead of putting up any sort of fight after his mantra of revenge was disappointing. While "good representation" is not exactly my expectation knowing... the way Jojo is, it was still annoying.

I do like them and enjoy how people take their characters and expand upon the underwhelming amount that canon gives. They're not my favorite couple and I don't talk about them a lot, but I certainly favor the pairing and see why people focus on them so much.

As for Diavolo and Donatella: As you might've guessed, I have many thoughts about the two of them. I don't know how long this is going to be, so I'll put this under a cut.

I would not say I think about Donatella and Diavolo as a pairing in a particularly "shippy" way. In a lot of ways, I don't even really see them as a romance. They only interacted for an extremely short period of time, at about a few weeks maximum, and despite apparently growing attached enough to sleep together, they barely found out anything about each other and Diavolo abandoned her without so much as giving her his name.

I find Donatella incredibly interesting (and frustrating) to think about just for that reason. Diavolo is obviously extremely avoidant of people and has been so for his entire life, using aliases since he was young, killing his mother and burying her under his house's floorboards, and then killing his adoptive father and burning down his town when he found out. In all other ways, he shows dangerous precision, determination, and intelligence when it comes to erasing himself from the world.

So, on one hand, Donatella is a really interesting deviance in his behavior and a representation of the moral of Diavolo's character. Connecting and being known by other people is simply a part of being human; Diavolo tries his hardest to scrub every trace of his existence away and isolate himself in the search of evading the inevitable pitfalls of being human, but this is an impossible task. Even one little connection from years ago- in this case, a brief fling- spiralled into an unignorable marker of his existence, and that led to his downfall.

For anyone else, a brief date as a teenager would hardly be anything remarkable or consequential, but for Diavolo, his goal to erase himself completely just multiplies the consequences of any and all relationships he's had. What would likely be a connection anyone else would overlook is instead the main reason for the fall of Diavolo's empire. (You also have the fact that Diavolo was apparently irresponsible enough to get Donatella pregnant, which could say something about how Diavolo's avoidance of relationships makes him act haphazardly and make big mistakes in the relationships he did have.)

However, at the same time, Donatella is... odd to think about (and I believe this is also part of why she's talked about as little as possible in the story). It's very hard for me to imagine Diavolo, someone shown to be secretive since he was very young, having a fling with a random girl out of nowhere. Sure, him having a relationship could work, but a seemingly random brief date leading to an accident-baby just seems off and hard to imagine considering everything else we know about him. Believably expanding upon the idea with more detail while keeping Diavolo in character sounds rather difficult, which is why I think Vento Aureo just doesn't bother doing it. (Also, why would someone date and then sleep with a guy whose name they don't even know?)

Not to mention, throughout the entire story, in all of Diavolo's spiels about how the past is coming back to haunt him, I do not believe he ever even says Donatella's name. Trish only mentions her once when prompted in the Notorious B.I.G. arc, and the only information she gives about her father are the basic facts that he was Sardinian and briefly dated her mother as a teenager. We learn essentially nothing about the relationship that these two had to Donatella, and that's a big problem.

Diavolo is at least built to be mysterious, but Trish... isn't. Could she not have asked Donatella about what her father was like personality-wise during any point in her life? Did she have no opinion on what she was like as a mother? Did she garner no opinion on her father before it was revealed he was a crime boss?

While I can speculate, it's obvious to me that Donatella pretty much only exists in the story as a plot reason why Diavolo has a daughter and not much thought was put into her or this detail of Diavolo's past beyond that. I think it's equally hard for others to envision this, which is part of the reason why the misconception of Trish actually being Doppio's daughter is a thing; the anime even plays into this by expanding on their backstory to have Doppio be the one to meet Donatella instead.

However, as I've said before, we know that this isn't true and this anime addition is in fact kind of a plot hole. We see that Doppio doesn't recognize Donatella, being unreactive when holding a picture of her in both the manga and anime and laughing at the concept of having a daughter or a girlfriend.

This anime change is especially irritating considering the fact that there are other implications in how Donatella apparently knew Diavolo and not Doppio. According to their backstory in the manga, the described personality that their adoptive father and village came to know them as is "cowardly and clumsy, yet open-hearted"- describing Doppio to a T.

For clarification, the manga goes on to state that in the Jojo universe, people with DID have alters that are fully present since adolescence.

This suggests that both Diavolo and Doppio were around since early childhood, but the village people and his father only knew Doppio- which makes sense, because knowing Diavolo, he would probably keep to himself. So, then, the fact that Donatella apparently knew Diavolo and Doppio doesn't even recognize her would say something really interesting about their relationship alone; what made Diavolo comfortable enough to show himself to her? What prompted him to go out and meet her in the first place?

Also, this may be a bit of a tangent, but I really dislike how they attempt to characterize Donatella in the anime. Her dialogue comes across as extremely stilted and odd, which makes sense, considering it's just her repeating the list of Trish's interests in the manga. (Literally- rewatch the scene and compare it to the page.)

Unlike Trish, she gets no characterization beyond this "I love sparkling water and I hate smelly men and anything that isn't beautiful" spiel- honestly, she somehow comes off as more shallowly written than the grand total of zero lines she got in the manga... but I digress.

Diavolo and Donatella are really interesting to me, but the information we get about them in canon is almost less than bare-bones, which I find to be one of the major flaws in the story. (Seriously, Jojo's creation of really interesting implications about characters and then simply refusing to do anything with them is one of its most annoying tendencies, and it especially shows with Diavolo.) I do enjoy people attempting to expand upon them in fanworks with the very little we get, but I don't know if I'd call that "shipping"; just expanding upon a hinted relationship. All in all, it's a pairing with a lot of food for thought.

[shiningwonderland]

Syo Kurusu (Repeat)

Translator: Terry (twitter: turtlemudge) Proofreader: Ellie (twitter: ellieplatypus) QA: Raz (twitter: agnadance)

September: Dangerous March

Warning: Accidental groping

Syo Kurusu: Ahh, dammit!! I can't accept this….

It's the last day of summer vacation. Syo-kun and I are in the recording room together, editing a song.

Somehow we managed to finish the normal summer homework by yesterday, but….

There's also an "independent project"…. Basically, we have to write any sort of song we want and turn it in. We haven't done that yet.

Haruka Nanami: I thought that the last one seemed fine, though.

Syo Kurusu: No… it's weak. It's the lead-in to the hook.

It's just not clicking somehow. Pausing even a moment too long totally changes the vibe.

Look, it's not like I've been singing ever since I was a kid like everybody else, so my vocal skills are honestly pretty weak.

My teachers told me that singing isn't a skill I can master overnight—they're telling me to give it three years.

But I'm confident in my sense of rhythm and my articulation! And since I want to take advantage of those strong points, I can't slack off on the rhythm.

But even then… it's still weak. If I compromise on it, I won't keep improving. Right?

Besides, you made such a good song. I want to sing it so that it sounds as awesome as it possibly can.

Syo-kun gives me a huge grin.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun… thank you.

Syo Kurusu: What are you thanking me for? I'm the one who should be thanking you, okay? Thanks for making such an awesome song.

Syo-kun plops his hand onto my head and keeps it there, petting me.

… His hand ruffling my hair feels nice….

Syo Kurusu: Well, back to work. Let's try and keep going until we get a take we're okay with, yeah?

Haruka Nanami: Ah… well, then…

Select the phrase!

軽く歌ってみるとか Do you want to try singing along lightly for now? (5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: "Lightly"…? But it's the hook—it's the most intense part of the song.

Haruka Nanami: Ah… yes. So maybe, trying it just this once….

I thought being too intense might be causing your problems with the timing….

Syo Kurusu: I see…. You have a point.

Thus, Syo-kun tries singing the hook over and over more lightly, getting a feel for the rhythm at the start.

Select the phrase!

気負わないでみて…… You could try to avoid getting too worked up…. (5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Maybe you're putting too much force into it at that part.

Syo Kurusu: Well, it IS the hook, so it should be intense, shouldn't it?

Haruka Nanami: Yes… but still. Maybe you're overthinking the need to get it perfect and getting flustered.

Syo Kurusu: You're right, maybe I can feel myself rushing ahead a little there. Okay then, I'll take a deep breath and try it again after I've calmed down.

Haruka Nanami: Let's record a lot of takes of just the hook, and then pick the best one. Maybe we don't need to think of this as something we need to get right in one take….

Syo Kurusu: Nah, I always put everything I have into what I do!! But you might be right. Let's try doing it over and over, changing the nuance each time.

Haruka Nanami: Okay!!

And so, we try changing the nuance on every take, until Syo-kun pulls off a take that he's sure he's happy with.

オケだけ聴いてみたら？ How about you try just listening to the instrumental first? (10 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Without singing, you mean?

Haruka Nanami: Yes… before, Hyuga-sensei said that if you're confused while singing, you should listen to the instrumental on its own….

By doing that, you can visualize at what point in the song you need to come in. He said it's important to commit the beat to your muscle memory.

When you're singing, you're too busy being conscious of your voice, and your ear becomes careless. It's important not to try to do it all at once at first.

If you get a clear image of the rhythm in your head first, and then add your voice on top, your singing will fit the instrumental line well.

Syo Kurusu: Is that so? Then I'll try it.

And so, Syo-kun listens to the song that I made, beating his fingers against his thigh like he's drumming.

Syo Kurusu: Alright!! I've got the rhythm!! I’ll try singing it.

Haruka Nanami: Sure.

Ah… amazing….

What I wanted to do, what I was hoping to convey… he understands it all.

It's like our hearts are speaking to one another. I'm so happy….

This time, Syo-kun makes the song I composed totally his own.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah! That was good!!

Next, there's this bit….

As he says that, Syo-kun leans closer to the sheet music and points.

Haruka Nanami: Where?

I also lean in to examine the sheet music more closely, but….

Ah… his face… is so close….

Syo Kurusu: Ah….

For some reason, the moment gets awkward, and we look away at the same time.

Haruka Nanami: U-um!

Fwip. I step on a loose sheet of paper, my foot slips, and I lose my balance.

Syo Kurusu: Careful!!!

GRIP!

Syo-kun reaches out and catches me firmly, supporting me.

But….

Syo Kurusu: Gwah!!

Syo-kun's balance gets thrown off too, and we crash to the floor together.

Syo Kurusu: Owww…. !!!!!!!

One hand holding his head, Syo-kun starts to get up. Then he realizes where his other hand is, and freezes.

… His other hand… is touching my chest.

Syo Kurusu: No!! T-this is, uh… i-it was an accident!!

I-I wasn't thinking that I wanted to touch it, or that it's softer than I thought, or anything like that, okay?!

… So… uh… sorry.

Syo-kun turns crimson, hanging his head.

Haruka Nanami: Why are you apologizing?

Syo Kurusu: Eh… because I, well…

Haruka Nanami: You didn't do anything wrong, Syo-kun. You were just trying to help me…. So… don't apologize….

Syo Kurusu: … You're sweet…. Thanks.

Pat. Rub, rub.

Syo-kun pets my head like he's praising a small child.

Haruka Nanami: ???

I'm happy to have my head patted, but….

What is he praising me for, again?

I gaze at Syo-kun, mystified, and he hurriedly looks away and clears his throat.

Syo Kurusu: A-anyway, moving on!! Let's get back to recording.

Haruka Nanami: Yeah.

A few days later….

A ranking of the songs we turned in with our summer homework is posted in the hallway.

Syo Kurusu: Hey! Haruka!! Look at this!!

Haruka Nanami: What…? No way….

The song that Syo-kun and I made is… the best of our grade….

I can't believe it…. This must be a dream….

Syo Kurusu: We did it! HAHAHAHA!

A sweet grin spreads across Syo-kun's face as he hugs me tightly.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yeah!

Syo Kurusu: Ah… sorry I just, uh….

But… I’m just so happy. This is….

Syo-kun gazes triumphantly at the display board.

Select the phrase!

翔くんのおかげだね It's thanks to you, Syo-kun. (15 Love, 5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Nope!! This is a victory that we achieved together! Okay?

Haruka Nanami: Oh….

うんっ！ Yeah!! (10 Love, 5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: This just goes to show that the magnificent Syo Kurusu and Haruka Nanami make a great team.

夢なんじゃ…… Is this a dream…? (20 Love, 5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: What, do you think you fell asleep standing up?! Here, look closer. This isn't a dream. It's real.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yeah….

But I still can't believe it.

Syo Kurusu: Sheesh….

Syo-kun gently pinches my cheek.

Haruka Nanami: Ouch!

Syo Kurusu: See? This isn't a dream.

Haruka Nanami: Yeah.

Syo Kurusu: Sorry…. Did I hurt you… ?

Syo-kun rubs the spot where he pinched me.

Haruka Nanami: Just a little… but it's okay.

I softly cover Syo-kun's hand, which is still on my face, with my own.

Syo Kurusu: O-okay…. Anyway….

Syo Kurusu: Let's keep this up for the graduation audition, okay?

Pat. Syo-kun puts his hand on my shoulder.

Haruka Nanami: Okay!!

While we're both celebrating…

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~!! High scores put you on top of the wooorld.

… the principal appears behind us.

Shining Saotome: I will grant you a special reward.

The principal pulls out a plastic card and shows it to us. It says, "S Class Limited Edition Competitor Ticket! Surpass the principal!! Topple him in a match and debut immediately."

Syo Kurusu: "Topple"…? Me…? Against Shining Saotome…?

Syo-kun stares down at his hand, then closes it tightly, making a fist.

His fist trembles slightly, maybe from nerves, but Syo-kun suddenly has an excited look on his face.

Shining Saotome: That's riiight. You will compete with ME in a scavenger huuunt. If you win, you will debut immediatelyyy.

Syo Kurusu: —wait, a scavenger hunt?! I was sure you meant hand-to-hand….

Shining Saotome: YOU don't know how to ask for things politelyyy. BUT other than that, you have the talent to debut right NOWWW.

You'll WIN if you carry the item to this girl at the gooooal.

And this MEEEANS! Reach the goal and Go to Heaven!

As he says this, the principal tucks me and Syo-kun under each of his arms and leaps into the air.

Haruka Nanami: Huh?!

Syo Kurusu: Whoa!!

Syo Kurusu: Wha… what was that just now…? I'm seeing stars….

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~! That's a side effect of breaking the sound barrieeeer!

The sound barrier…? So that's what that was….

We certainly traveled the distance from that hallway to the sports field in the blink of an eye.

Syo Kurusu: That was… the sound barrier…? Somehow, I feel like I glimpsed the afterlife for a second.

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa~! You're imagining thiiings!

Now, let's compose ourselves and begin the scavenger huuunt. YOU will proceed to the goal area!

Haruka Nanami: Yes, sir.

Shining Saotome: Well then well then, the first to draw will be MEEE.

The principal snaps his fingers, and a stagehand appears and presents a box full of slips of paper.

Shining Saotome: Which-one-shall-I-choose-I-wonder. Hmm!! Thiiis one!

The principal puts his hand into the box and draws out a slip of paper.

Shining Saotome: … Ohhh.

The moment he opens it, the principal's brows draw together in a frown.

Syo Kurusu: What is it?

Syo-kun peers at the piece of paper the principal drew.

Syo Kurusu: Let's see what we have here…. Huh? "The Statue of Liberty in New York"? That's impossible for…

Shining Saotome: Hmmmmmmm. This ocean is there, the land is over there, and so it should be somewhere around….

If I go here, there, and here again—there's the shortcuuut!

The principal stares at a map of the world brought by a stagehand. And then….

Shining Saotome: I've, basically, got it! Now then…. START!

The principal runs off with tremendous speed.

Syo Kurusu: … Is the old guy seriously gonna bring back the Statue of Liberty? No way. Guess I'll be winning this.

With a huge smile on his face, Syo-kun draws a slip of paper. But…

Syo Kurusu: Gah!!

… the moment he sees what's written on the paper, his expression freezes.

Haruka Nanami: Um… what's it say?

Syo Kurusu: Na… Natsuki Shinomiya's… glasses….

Haruka Nanami: Ah….

Apparently, when A Class's Natsuki Shinomiya's glasses are taken off… his alternate personality awakens and wreaks utter destruction.

Come to think of it, I believe I caught a glimpse of that side of him during the sports festival….

Yeah…. That was a bit scary….

Select the phrase!

あきらめますか？ Are you going to give up? (20 Love)

Haruka Nanami: Taking Shinomiya-san's glasses is too dangerous.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah, it might be. But… a man shouldn't give up on a competition so easily.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun….

I take one of Syo-kun's hands in both of mine.

Syo Kurusu: Wh-wh-what are… you doing…?

Haruka Nanami: You're doing it no matter what, then.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah….

Haruka Nanami: Please stay safe… somehow….

Syo Kurusu: Don't worry. I'll be perfectly fine. All you need to do is wait here for me!

Saying that, Syo-kun pats me gently on the back with his other hand.

覚悟を決めるしか… I guess you have no choice…. (15 Love)

Syo Kurusu: Yeah. You're right.… Sorry. I might be putting you in danger, but I swear I'll protect you.

I'll keep you safe, no matter what.

Syo-kun clenches his fists tightly.

引き分けでしょうか？ So it's a tie? (0 Love)

Syo Kurusu: Well, the other thing is nearly impossible, too. But still, just doing nothing because of that doesn't sit right with me….

Then, at that moment…

Ringo Tsukimiya: Oh dear, oh dear!! Everybody, come see this!! Look at the TV!!

Tsukimiya-sensei comes running towards us, holding a small television.

Hyuga-sensei comes walking up slowly behind him, wearing a resigned expression.

Syo Kurusu: What is it now?

Ryuya Hyuga: Well, just now, on the news….

Announcer: … the party responsible for New York's Statue of Liberty's sudden disappearance is currently unknown….

Surprised by the words coming from the television, I glance over to see that, true enough, the Statue of Liberty has vanished from the New York City skyline.

Syo Kurusu: Huh?! No way, does that mean Shining Saotome actually…?

Dammit! Guess I've got no choice….

Select The Phrase!

どうするの What are you going to do? (0 Love)

Syo Kurusu: Whaddaya mean, what am I gonna do? There's only one thing to do now!

Haruka Nanami: You mean, you're going to…?

Syo Kurusu: Yep. I've gotta go get Natsuki.

四ノ宮さんを呼ぶ？ Will you call Shinomiya-san? (20 Love)

Syo Kurusu: Nah, I'll go find him.

Haruka Nanami: Why? If you call him here and then take his glasses, you'll reach the goal in no time….

Syo Kurusu: If I do that, it'll put you in too much danger. There's no way I'm gonna let that happen.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun….

Syo Kurusu: For now, you wait here. I'll be back before you know it, all right?

四ノ宮さんの所へ行く？ Will you go to Shinomiya-san? (10 Love)

Syo Kurusu: Yep, I'm gonna go find him.

Haruka Nanami: Um… be careful… okay?

Syo Kurusu: Don't make that face. I'll be fine!

Syo-kun pets my hair gently.

Hyuga Ryuya: Hold up. If you're gonna do it, take this with you.

Syo Kurusu: What's this?

Hyuga Ryuya: A miniature camera. It's connected to the TV monitor here, so we'll be able to see how you're doing.

You're about to steal Shinomiya's glasses. We need to keep an eye on you so we can evacuate the rest of the school if things go south.

Syo Kurusu: Ah, gotcha….

And so, Syo-kun went to find Shinomiya-san.

Syo Kurusu: So… um….

Natsuki Shinomiya: … Hm? What's wrong, Syo-chan? You look like you're unhappy about something.

Syo Kurusu: Nah, I just… uh… well. I need your glasses…?

Natsuki Shinomiya: My… glasses?

Syo Kurusu: So, uh… yeah….

Syo-kun… seems unable to get the words out. I guess he really is a little scared after all….

Natsuki Shinomiya: Ah! Syo-kun, have you been wanting to try on my glasses? You should have said something earlier! Of course, here you go.

Shinomiya-san casually plucks his glasses off, handing them to Syo-kun.

But… Shinomiya-san's expression stays the same as always.

Syo Kurusu: H-huh? No way, everything's alright?

For a split second, we all think so.

RUUUUUMBLE.

Then Shinomiya-kun's aura darkens, and he rushes at Syo-kun.

Syo Kurusu: I knew it, OH CRAAAP!

Syo-kun runs for his life, shouting desperately.

Syo-kun emerges from a cloud of dust, running towards us.

And Shinomiya-san follows, chasing after him.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kuuun! The goal's over heeere!

I wave, moving my arms as much as I can.

Syo Kurusu: Dammit! All I gotta do now is get away!!

Haruka Nanami: You're so clooose!

For a moment, I think that he's sure to win if he keeps up this pace, but then….

VOOOOOOM!

There's a monstrous roaring sound, and the principal appears, pulling the Statue of Liberty behind him.

Syo Kurusu: Huh?! Don't tell me he's back already?

Shining Saotome: Ha ha ha~~

Syo Kurusu: And there are American helicopters coming after him!!

He's right…. The principal is being pursued by the best and brightest of the United States' military forces.

I'm guessing they're here to take back the Statue of Liberty….

BLAM BLAM BLAM!

The helicopter pilot has the principal in his sights and starts shooting wildly.

Shining Saotome: Ha ha HAA~~!! Go on, hit me with your best shot. Missed meeee.

The principal, in a display of superhuman agility, dodges all the bullets flying towards him, but….

Syo-kun, who's on the same track, is coming into the line of fire.

Luckily, the bullets have only grazed him thus far, but one of them could strike true at any moment.

Syo Kurusu: Now hang on just a second… what the heck is this?! What have I dooooone?

Syo-kun is becoming increasingly panicked, but continues to run with all his might towards the finish line.

Shinomiya-san is just a step behind him, and then…

Satsuki Shinomiya: Hah!!

… he suddenly leaps into the air.

Syo Kurusu: Gah!!

Satsuki Shinomiya: Haaaaa—!!

The next instant, still in midair, he crushes the state-of-the-art helicopter with a single knifehand strike.

The pilot evacuates in the nick of time, but the helicopter is blown to smithereens.

Syo Kurusu: What kind of monster is he?!

Satsuki Shinomiya: Hah!!

The second he touches the ground, Shinomiya-san's focus returns to Syo-kun, and he continues chasing after him at incredible speed.

Syo Kurusu: Aaaaaaaaah!!! Stay awaaay!!!

Shining Saotome: Ha ha HAA~ Victory for ME!

At that moment, the principal reaches the goal.

Syo Kurusu: Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!

However, Syo-kun doesn't seem bothered by losing the competition at this particular moment.

Syo-kun and Shinomiya-kun are about to run right past the principal, when—

Glint!

Shinomiya-kun locks eyes with the principal, glaring in his direction.

Is it possible that the target of his ire has become the principal instead of Syo-kun?

Shining Saotome: Ho-ho~~ Have you decided to pick a fight with ME?

The principal smirks.

And then, in the next instant, a clash of titans begins!

Their power is equally matched. Raw force twists the air between them.

Enormous amounts of energy pour out of them both, wrapping around one another like a hurricane.

Haruka Nanami: Ah…!!

The force breaks over me, threatening to drag me under. I feel like I'm about to be blown off my feet.

Syo Kurusu: Hey! Grab my haaand!!

Syo-kun reaches for me, pulling me back towards him.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun… Shinomiya-san's glasses, quick—!

Just as we turn to look at the principal and Shinomiya-san, the former manages to pin the latter.

Shining Saotome: Nowww, Mr. Shorty. Return the glasses!! Before the world is reduced to a sea of flaaame!!!

Bracing himself, Syo-kun draws closer to Shinomiya-san and puts his glasses back on.

And then….

Natsuki Shinomiya: Huh? Syo-chan? Are you done with my glasses already?

Shinomiya-san, suddenly back to normal, asks Syo-kun this question light-heartedly.

Syo-kun, relieved, collapses on the spot.

Syo Kurusu: Geez…. I can't believe you…!

Natsuki Shinomiya: Hm? What is it?

Shining Saotome: Ha ha haaa. Well, that settles that.

The next day….

Syo Kurusu: That's weird… there's nothing written about it at all.

… I find Syo-kun in our classroom, looking through the newspaper.

Haruka Nanami: What's wrong?

Syo Kurusu: Oh, you know, all that stuff yesterday. I thought for sure there'd be something in the newspaper about the Statue of Liberty disappearing out of nowhere….

But they haven't mentioned it anywhere.

The next moment, a floorboard flips upward, revealing… the principal.

Shining Saotome: Behold, the political power of Shining Agencyyy.

And with that, the principal disappears beneath the floor once again.

Syo Kurusu: Political power…! Geez, what a ridiculous guy.

Syo-kun smiles as he says that, looking like he's enjoying himself.

Haruka Nanami: Come to think of it…. In the end, the principal was able to pin Shinomiya-san down long enough for Syo-kun to put his glasses on him again.

School is over.

I'm talking to Kuppuru about yesterday while feeding him some melon bread.

Kuppuru listens attentively while enjoying his snack.

Haruka Nanami: You know…

Select the phrase!

学園長先生ってすごいよね。 … the principal really is amazing. (10 Music)

Haruka Nanami: I guess that's what it means to be a living legend in the entertainment industry.

It seems like there's really nothing our principal can't do.

翔くんってすごいよね。 … Syo-kun really is amazing. (20 Love)

Haruka Nanami: No matter how bad a situation gets, he never, ever gives up.

Even when a situation's so dangerous that slipping up even once might kill him, he finds a way to pull through. He's… incredible, really.

He's a wonderful partner….

四ノ宮さんってすごいよね。 … Shinomiya-san really is amazing. (No points)

Haruka Nanami: He's usually so gentle…. Where on earth does all that power come from…?

He's a pretty mysterious person.

But you know… Syo-kun looked pretty worn out today. He seemed a bit pale….

He was mostly okay in the morning, but he seemed exhausted by the afternoon, so I forced him to skip our practice today.

Haruka Nanami: I think he overdid it yesterday and tired himself out….

Syo-kun's really competitive and always tries so hard that it's easy to imagine him pushing his limits. It's a bit worrying….

Come to think of it, didn't Kaoru-kun ask Syo-kun if he was healthy when he came to visit during summer vacation?

I wonder if he's worked himself to the point of collapsing before, or something….

Just the thought of something like that happening to Syo-kun makes me anxious.

Kuppuru: Meow.

Kuppuru peers worriedly at my face.

Haruka Nanami: I-I'm fine. I just got a little worried. I'm sure Syo-kun is absolutely fine….

Besides, I'm going to work hard, too. I want to help as much as I can to support Syo-kun.

We're partners, so we need to support and help each other.

Haruka Nanami: So we're going to be fine.

That's what I said at the time, but I couldn’t shake the seed of unease that had started growing deep in my heart.

Mini Game

Ryuya Hyuga: All right, time to get started! How're ya doing? Have you gotten used to these private lessons?

This time, you'll be playing through the set piece once. By playing the song, you seem to have reached a new level of understanding about it.

Plus, your arrangement is shaping up nicely. If you keep this up, you'll be able to do well when you're composing your own pieces.

This is the last of the tests based on the set piece. Promise yourself you'll put everything you've got into this performance, relax, and play.

Okay. Are you ready? Three two, one, start!

[S ENDING]

Syo Kurusu: Because you're always doing your best, I know I can do my best, too. When I'm with you I can fight with all my might.

Haruka Nanami: Me too…. Because you're here with me, Syo-kun, I'm able to try my best. I got discouraged so many times when I was on my own….

I start to feel sad when I'm reminded a little bit of my loneliness from the summer. Syo-kun pats me on the head.

Haruka Nanami: Thank you. But I'm okay now. I'm not alone anymore.

Syo-kun is always at my side. Having him nearby is so reassuring.

Ahh, I really did end up with an amazing partner…. I'm so happy.

Chapter End

[lampochkaart]

in regards to your danganronpa asks;

#13 and #14?

Hi, anon! Thank you for the question. Sorry it took me so long to answer😅

13. What is your OTP?

My OTP is probably obvious, it's Oumota. But I also wanna list some of the other pairings from all the games.

From THH I think I enjoyed Aoi and Sakura's relationship the most. However you interpret it, they really form an interesting and kinda unexpected duo. They really care about eachother and their story is very tragic💔

I kinda love Makoto x Kyoko x Byakuya as well. I think they have a very fun dynamic and should all hold hands and care for eachother (even though some might not want to show it).

Also, I like Tokomaru! They're very cute and I like how they supported eachother and helped eachother grow throughout the game!

From Goodbye Despair I think I love Komahina the most. I think they have a very complicated, but interesting relationship. I don't know how to properly articulate my thoughts about them, but I really enjoyed their interactions in game x)

I also like Hajime x Fuyuhiko, their dynamic is also really fun. I like how Fuyuhiko treats Hajime with respect, even though he himself is a yakuza, and even tells him, after Hajime's talent (or rather lack thereof) got revealed, that his opinion on Hinata didn't change a bit. They're kinda similar in a way, and I think they can really get along.

From DRV3, well... I think you only have to take one look at my blog to easily tell that I LOVE oumota. They are literally my everything!! I love them so much!! They have such an interesting dynamic. They are polar opposites yet they have so much in common. They have a lot of shared interests and they can really challenge eachother's worldviews. Also, willingly or not, they've become a really important part of eachother's lives. I think, even though they have a lot of conflicts with eachother, they can find a middle ground, not fully agreeing with other's point of view, but accepting and respecting it. I think if they unite, they'll literally become unstoppable💜💫

Honestly, I could talk about them for ages...

Other ship from V3 that I really like is Saimatsu. Although Kaede wasn't there for long, the interactions they've had were really sweet and heartwarming. Plus, I enjoy their contrast in personalities and designs. And I now always think of them when I hear Clair de Lune💔

I also lately found myself kinda interested in Amamatsu. Their interactions in game are really fun, and they seem to enjoy eachother's company. I was neutral to this pairing, but some fanfics made me really like it.

Also, I've come to really like Tenmiko for the same reason. Even though Tenko's obsession with Himiko is kinda weird, but in Chapter 3 we see, that she really cares about Himiko and want's to help her become more open and active. And Tenko actually is important for Himiko. Too bad she realised it too late. But because of Tenko Himiko actually tried her best to improve. It was hard for her, very hard, but she put all the energy she had to try to become the person Tenko would be proud of.

14. What is your NOTP?

I don't think I have any pairings that I actually hate (with exeption of obvious fucked up shit like pedophilia and incest, but that goes without saying). But there are several ships that I'm not a huge fan of.

One of them is Hyoko x Mikan, it just makes me uncomfortable.

And also I'm not a fan of Saiouma/Oumasai. I don't really have an explaination. Any of the things I don't like about it are probably coming from me not liking this ship, rather than being a reason why I don't like it. So, just not my thing, I guess.

[bisexualrapline]

I've seen your blog and you really do seem to love Yoongi a lot. Can I just ask, what are your favourite things about him? ☺️

i woke up to this ask so good morning friend. i’m stumped for words honestly i feel like i’ve tried many times (and failed many times) to articulate exactly how much yoongi means to me in words but choosing my favorite things about him seems like even more of an exercise that i am doomed to fail at 😭 let me just say what follows is an inconclusive list and leave it there before i spend my entire workday philosophizing about the love of my life fkskdkdk

i love how big his heart is. i could provide endless examples of him showing his big heart and i’m sure some of them will come up in points below but it should suffice to say that he thinks and cares so deeply for the people in his life, it genuinely inspires me to do the same for the people in my life

i love how much he loves bangtan. you can just tell with the way his eyes shine when he talks about/to them. the way his mouth quirks up in the slightest smile when he’s fond. the words he says about them too are always so well thought-out and almost like… savored. like he’s turned them over and over in his head and tested them on his tongue so many times. he loves those boys like i can’t imagine loving anyone

i love How he shows love. watch any bangtan content and you’ll see what i mean. in the soop when he made jihope tuna on crackers while they were playing just so he could lie next to them on the couch and be satisfied that they had a snack while they were playing games. the way that he’s been widely seen as this “cold” person has never made sense to me because from what i’ve seen of him, his door is always open to those he loves. and they know it.

i love how much he loves soft and cute things. he’s such a living conundrum of a person. i think sometimes people struggle to fit All of him inside their heads. like yes he can be big bad rapper man AND also love ballads and tangerines and puppies and fluffy cute things and to pout in selfies and wear makeup and skirts and look pretty. i just think the way he’s so comfortable walking the line and sharing different parts of himself with us is soooo like… we’re so privileged to get to see so much of him.

i love how we’ve gotten to see him grow and see his mindsets shift over time and how effusive he is about the members playing a part in that. i talk a lot about how seokjin must have influenced a lot of the ways that yoongi’s feelings about life and the world we live in have shifted over time and it genuinely does warm my heart to know how deeply he processes the things said to him by the people he loves. to affect a mindset change so much to be able to impart wisdom that could literally change someone’s life really requires that level of trust and love to believe so deeply in what someone else says to you about their feelings. idk was this a coherent point? i haven’t taken my meds yet this morning skdkskd

i love the ways in which he expresses himself. i think yoongi is one of the greatest living artists on this earth. no single other artist on earth has ever impacted me so deeply with their music and lyrics before him. leaving aside music and lyrics, even just his words are art to me. i cherish the things he shares with us because i’ve never felt so seen or understood by someone who i will likely never meet.

i will stop there because if i keep going i may start crying and never stop. hope this answered your question somewhat?? 💗

[transboykirito]

trying to articulate some of my kazuto/kirito thoughts and my mind keeps getting stuck on this one quote - it isn’t from sao, it’s from john mulaney (yes, i am aware, stay with me for a moment please)

It's strange sometimes, you know, like I'm doing great. But when I'm alone, I'm with the person that tried to kill me. Sometimes I walk past a mirror, I'm like, 'Oh great, this fucking guy again. Jesus.' That is kind of a creepy feeling sometimes, but it's also a nice feeling. It gives me a strange kind of confidence sometimes. 'Cause, like, look, I... I used to care what everyone thought about me... so much. It was all I cared about. All I cared about was what other people thought of me. And I don't anymore. And I don't because I can honestly say: What is someone going to do to me that's worse than what I would do to myself? What, are you going to cancel John Mulaney? I'll kill him. I almost did.

and i just really can’t stop going back to that quote, because it’s such a bone-chilling and somber thought. “when i’m alone, i’m with the person who tried to kill me.” idk, it just reminded me of kazuto a lot, especially with the way people seem to perceive him as an arrogant, self-centred, egotistical hero who thinks of himself as a god - we have characters like that in sao, none of them are kazuto.

while i was joking with one of my friends, i said “none of the sao villains or sao haters will ever hate kazuto more than kazuto hates kazuto” and i think i unintentionally summarised a great deal of his character with that. it isn’t just kazuto hating kazuto, though, it’s kazuto hating kirito and pitying kazuto.

several times through the series, we see kazuto believe he can beat a system just through his sheer willpower and belief that he deserves to - aincrad, fairy dance, alicization, etc - and in every case, we see the aftermath of that, where he scolds himself for being narcissistic and believing he could surpass a system just because he wanted to like a spoilt child. he falls into spirals of self-deprecation and self-loathing, often blaming himself for not only his own mistakes, but also the things he had no control over that he feels like he should have prevented - asuna, eugeo, sachi, etc.

avoiding spoilers, unital ring sees kazuto explore those feelings and thought patterns even more. we see him questioning his own identity and worth again, and once again he’s losing himself to wondering a million what-if’s, despite being altogether content with his life.

i really don’t know where else i meant to take this (it’s 11pm and my brain isn’t cooperating), but i’m so genuinely excited to see how this develops and to see how kazuto recovers from his attempt in alicization. he is suffering under the weight of so much self-inflicted punishment and i hope that this arc sees him be free of at least some of it <3

[catominor]

This Years Thoughts On Reading. tbh

the past year i read a lot more than i had in quite some time. to be fair, i didn't finish most of the books i started, didn't start most of the books i want to read, and spent most of my time wasting time on social media still (i don't know why i can't stop doing this. i don't even enjoy it past a certain point). i didn't do well in my university classes. but for a really long time i've found it very difficult to read at all, even to read fiction. i read a lot of fiction (by my standards) this year, especially historical fiction set in ancient rome (though i also read some other good books, favorites among which are probably queer by william burroughs, night side of the river by jeannette winterson, and invisible cities by italo calvino. i also read quite a few short stories and a bit of poetry), i read or started /some/ nonfiction, i read or started /some/ ancient literature, and i had a poem and a short story published in my university's poetry journal and newspaper respectively...

but, really, i feel a little in over my head. i don't really feel like i can do this, by which i mean i still don't think i'm trying hard enough at university. i feel behind everyone else, despite the fact that since i've transferred to a different university having done 2 years before, i still have this and another year before i graduate. even though most of the people in my year will be 2 years younger than me i feel like i am behind them (did i mention that i did badly on my exams last year?)

especially before university i was never a particularly good student, honestly (i was like. a C average, though in my 3rd and 4th years of high school i started to try a little harder) and i think i spend a lot of time now fruitlessly wishing that i had tried harder and taken more of an interest in things. i still wish i tried harder. i still wish that passion was enough to fuel me to actually focus on filling out my historical reading. i wish i just didn't feel so stupid sometimes, honestly. sometimes i'll open a book that's a bit dense or technical and it just makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. i wish i was better at articulating my thoughts. i also wish i understood literary analysis or criticism. in a lot of ways now i feel dumber than i was a few years ago, and i don't know why.