#trust me its not that deep

[sleepymjntyy]

Can I ask, why don't you like chishiya's character arc in the show? I have seen you being against it. May I ask why?

I have my problems with his arc too. Like how they never truly showed him as a bad person and scene with his parent was cut off too. They glossed over his arc in hope that people can easily sympathize with home but that was something I could already do in the manga.

nice question. now lets see if i can provide a nice answer.

it’s pretty simple really: it felt like an easy way to sympathise with a character. like bad, ooc fanfics. (not saying aib LA is bad.. im literally an aib based blog)

chishiya’s cold heart being a result of corruption in the med industry felt really ironic considering he wronged a patient in the manga. additionally, it didn’t make sense to me or some of the LA-only watchers who thought he would have some deep and profound reason to why he would sacrifice his peers without second thought.

to me, it felt like kuzuryuu’s story. and i quite liked the fact that manga chishiya and kuzuryuu had different backstories which made them clash in mindset but allowed them some insight on the other perspectives which is what gave them their development. this was also what made chishiya enjoy their game so much and want to do something out of character for once.

i honestly could go on but i just feel chishiya was completely rewritten as a character. his arc wasn’t as impactful to me as it was in the manga. but i should’ve seen it coming when they decided he was a hearts game specialist in the posters.

ofc i still adore how funny they made his character. its similar to manga!chishiya but has its own spin to it. its nice.

[ruporas]

captain's warm hugs! (id in alt)

[piquuroblox]

headcanons about the twisted process except it was 4am when i drew all of this so its probably not coherent at all

[circusk]

wings and love

[mewtwo24]

Not to be That Guy but like.

Am I the only one that can't stop thinking about how Tianlang-Jun says about Luo Binghe that he pretends to be cold-hearted like his mother. The hint of fondness there, the heartache in that utterance.

Like it drives me absolutely insane. Imagining her putting on a front of strength, cold and driven and unrelenting. Why does TLJ say that about her. Did she secretly look for solutions that meant reconciling with demons instead of hurting them when her sect wasn't looking? (I wonder this because I feel like his weird fondness for SQQ would lowkey track if it's connected to the woman he once loved.) Did he mean that she was tasked with basically assassinating him and she fell in love with him instead (re: failed step one)? Did he mean that she was fond and doting in her own way (e.g. conceding he was attractive, paying for his exploits and humoring him)? Did he mean that, like LBH, she thought that power would be the thing to protect her--and that it was disguising a person who was deeply and privately wounded? All four????? I don't need sleep I need a n s w e r s

Did she know about the Huanhua Palace Master's skeevy ass intentions before she met TLJ? Or did those only come to significant light after she fell in love with TLJ? Is that why she never anticipated that level of betrayal, because initially she had no intention of being with anyone romantically? And HHPM just assumed she would be under his thumb forever?? Was she furious at her own indiscretion or did she try to use the pregnancy as a bargaining chip, a way to try to stop the immortals of Cang Qiong Mountain from attacking TLJ (plus the bonus of marriage entrapment no takesies backsies this is where LBH gets it from)? Did she try to use that claim on her to dissuade HHPM from his covetous advances, framing herself as tainted so that she could finally escape? Did she dream of a life by TLJ's side, far away from Cang Qiong Mountain?

Like. Literally every single permutation of what this could mean guts me to hell. Do you ever just cry about tianxi because I--[loud bawling noises]

[applecranberryjuice]

Something something it's a metaphor. Hair as a form of communication but also as passage of time and also as a way for letting people in and also as a detail etc etc you get it

Actual explanation in the tags btw

I'm really nervous about this comic actually, is not the best. It doesn't make sense, and the art is mid, but I put love in it and I think that's enough

[myfandomhalf]

BSD is the only fandom I know of that would take canon content between a ship and say “that doesn’t count bc it’s fanservice” 💀 what does that even mean?? And yes I’m talking about

This is an actual scene in a movie / manga / light novel. Asagiri was involved and supervised the whole thing. It HAPPENED. It’s CANON. Wdym it “doesn’t count”??? Who decided to write this off as fanservice?? Like you guys are taking one of the most canon gay scenes and saying it doesn’t count bc it’s too gay so therefore it must be fanservice. You really think they had a meeting like “we should do something nice for the skk shippers let’s have Dazai and Chuuya be super gay” you think Asagiri with his track record would do/allow that?? You think he’d throw in some unnecessary yaoi just as a treat?? Please bffr.

If this happened with any m/f ship it would be treated as genuine ship content. Hell, if this happened with bakudeku half the fandom would rejoice and the other half would be beyond livid and disgusted but they wouldn’t say “doesn’t count it’s just fanservice”

[one-of-tankhuns-neurons]

HOW IS THE SHOW WITH MOST PORN WITH PLOT POTENTIAL ONE OF THE BEST SHOWS EVER??

Dude Deep Night has always been a journey about family, acceptance and love. Love towards others, live towards yourself, but THIS EPISODE.. it was just so beautiful. I think it might be a 10/10 seriously...

Just look

See how far Khemtid has come as a character and as a person.. he went from being selfish and angry and jealous to crying our of EMPATHY for his boyfriends pain.

To crying because he's worked to hard to get the club his mom loves so much back on track. This man cries because he's now feeling feelings in a much healthier way.

And the throuple??? Not a kink thing??? But actual poly??? They're introducing this topic so carefully, it's developed so naturally... The looks, the enemies to helping each other, to these looks.. to feeling he's part of it as well and being concerned about it. He's part of their dynamic but they don't know how to put that into something real. Fuck when I tell you I felt so sad in these moments, because all three of them hurt.

Also... Talking about age???? And how you're still allowed to love like a teen???? And that's valid???? The phrase she says cut me deep broool

"In all of that, there's no me"

Freya will have to learn to accept herself, because love is a vulnerable thing and she's supposed to be strong and a mother and a boss and a leader.. but what about the one she leans on when she's tired???

And the way Khemtid just kNOWS

We're also getting the quiet love, the hand holding, the hair brushing, the every day love. We have been losing that, and I'm so glad they're showing it.

He'll do ANYTHING for Wela.

FUCK THERES SO MUCH I ALSO WANT TO TALK ABOUT

The way it's directed is masterful at creating tension and excitement and confusion and the rush of adrenaline when you like someone but you're too damn scared...

The third couple... "If you don't tell me, I won't know"

It's slow

It's good

I feel in love just watching it

I feel sad

I feel joy

I feel..

I feel.

This is what shows are supposed to be.

[horrorlesbians]

do you think rust painted the back of crash's leather jacket? do you think he drew the bird that would make up his tattoo? do you think it was a subconscious act to feel in control of his situation? do you think he built the persona as solid as he could so they would be unable to pull him out of it? do you think he willingly put himself in the pathway of those bullets to finally end it all? do you think he somewhat hoped that there was no expiration date to being undercover? do you think he secretly viewed becoming crash and circling down the drain as the perfect punishment for his failure at fatherhood?

[justdurgeythings]

patch notes for patch #7

gortash no longer recognizes the dark urge

gortash's name is no longer "sickeningly familiar"

Orin will no longer comment about DU's relationship with gortash, so that it can better be "left to interpretation"

Wyll has been replaced by a slightly smaller Astarion

[headfullof-ideas]

My new motto is: “When art-block strikes, draw Incorrect Quotes”. It hasn’t failed me yet

[backpackingspace]

thinking about how for like the first two years of obi wans apprenticeship qui gon did not give a fuck what obi wan did (or even really what happened to him) before snapping out of it and realizing he was actually very much responsible for this child and course corrected into being a helicopter parent and how obi wan always read this as mistrust instead of concern and guilt.

[3-aem]

tfw ur on group facetime and some dude whom you never met before is like hi ur the big gojo stan right 💀💀💀

[birdricks]

getting sooooo emotional abt how like. when rick and bp meet again during the federation stuff its like theyre completely different ppl from who they were when they last saw each other. but it almost makes them become closer instead of driving them apart… until of course their values clash in the worst possible way

[septembersghost]

my queue was supposed to run out tonight (11/19) - i'm nothing if not someone who clings to dates and anniversaries, and exactly a month ago, i realized i had enough posts stowed in it to last until today. of all the days. kismet. you know when it's time to go. but i ended up adding some posts from my (still copious) drafts, and no matter how i finagled it, it was impossible to make them all fit by the time today ended. so it gets a little bit of extra time. maybe, in honor of this blog's existence, that's fitting.

you all know this, i've said it, typically in gratitude, many times already. this blog was never meant to last. i came back in november 2020 expecting a couple of months, maybe to be here until the new year. i told very few people, anticipating the goodbye, not wanting to cause anyone undue anguish when i had to vanish again. something i didn't expect was the sheer (admittedly devasting) emotion that would tie itself to those two weeks when i started interacting again, nor that it would have any outreach or impact, but somehow it did. then time kept spinning on, extending itself, gossamer threads unfurling each day. my following kept growing, far beyond what i could have anticipated, greater than i'd ever established on any of my previous blogs. moving around is unfortunately a pattern at this point, every time for reasons that felt quietly catastrophic. not being able to pay bills for a while. angel's death and the ensuing difficult circumstances. so here, i kept anxiously imagining why i'd eventually have to leave, how to plan for it. poverty issues. the homelessness we were facing through the entirety of a couple of years until last august (and my dad having to be the saving grace). worsening health issues. i never knew, i couldn't predict it, i just worried about it. often tried to brace for it. maybe i got too comfortable this year, because this was when i started to think it wouldn't happen, that i really could stay. little did i know. and the reasons...are not reasons i ever fathomed, why would i have? how could i have? i wish it weren't so. (i wish a lot of things.)

i thought sometimes about the words i would leave you with, none of which are suitable now. i almost wrote nothing, yet found that feeling wrong, couldn't leave without something about parting.

thus it turns out i'm leaving before it's strictly necessary, before it's the fear of personal catastrophe coming to fruition, not knowing what i'll do or where i'll metaphorically go, as that is the downside of chronic illness and isolation narrowing this to my sole outlet. (lyrics keep running through my mind, there are always lyrics stuck in my head. no matter where i go, there'll be memories that tug at my sleeve, but there will also be more to question, yet more to believe...teach me to be more adaptive...help me say goodbye). my body is in such a fragile state right now (my mind not far behind) that maybe what i need to do is rest. just rest for a while.

this blog was never meant to grow the way it did, to take asks and have conversations like i did, that was a somewhat new (sometimes scary! often fun) experience for me. it's one that will never be replicated. to my loyal and lovely anons, i'm so sorry that i had to cut you off unexpectedly and couldn't reinstate communication - i know that you weren't able to reach out to me as soon as i did that, and that certainly wasn't your fault, it was a response to the tenor of this website. i apologize for the hundreds of messages i never had the chance to answer. i'm appreciative of the things you shared with me and all the times we got to talk.

i sincerely hope some of you learn to be kinder and wiser and less reactionary and more willing to learn and to listen rather than to attack those who have never wronged you and who do not deserve that. i'm being too nice, but i hope you learn that misusing your supposed social justice to do harm and foment hatred and stew in ignorant cruelty makes any principles you purport to have utterly void. my hope for that is low at the moment, but it's still got to be there. waiting to be found.

to those of you who have never been anything but kind, you are true treasures, the lights in the darkness, the loving and compassionate embodiment of human spirit. some of you have (quite literally) helped keep my mom and me alive, and i can never repay that or do enough in this life to quantify it. some of you have been here for me every single day, to listen and laugh and cry and understand. i don't think i would've bothered to fight through these past three years had i not had your presences in my life. i wouldn't have had as much of a reason. there are times when i still haven't felt like i had a reason, i struggle through so many varied griefs, but then i continued to wake up, and would come on here and find something joyful or beautiful or affirming that someone had sent or posted, and it gave me an anchor. there are passions and interests i shared or discovered here that were so uplifting and enlightening, and i will carry them in my heart always. being here to find those was such a blessing. being here with you to indulge in them was such a blessing. thank you. i pray your continued paths have more of that ahead. look at all the things you've done for me. there are certain things that once you have no time can wear away.

you know that line from the wizard of oz?: hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. maybe that isn't true, maybe our hearts being broken is proof of something. there are people who hurt me on such a profound level who i know weren't affected by it at all, but i refuse to define my sensitivity as a negative. my softness (too soft for all of it, indeed) does not quite provide me with a weapon, but it doesn't crumple. hearts can be broken repeatedly and still beat, which i've thought about a lot lately. shattered souls just make a new mosaic. it's a different picture than it was before, but the color and light persists. and in the remains of that, a handful of people have shown me depths of caring and resilience that i wouldn't have gotten to hold onto otherwise, which is an extraordinary thing. the precious rarities have to mean something more, don't they? i would think so. i believe it. or i'm trying. i keep trying with all my might.

maybe i stayed too long at the fair. maybe this is a consequence of overplaying my hand, gambling a little too much with time to where it had to teach me something. maybe i needed the reminder that sometimes we have to fight to retain our spirits, and other times we have to retreat. maybe i needed a reminder that all that extra time was a miracle. i don't take it for granted.

whether we've spoken directly, be that consistently or in scattered flurries, whether we've interacted in very personal ways or simply in liked hearts on the dash, i hope there was goodness and light in it. i hope there's a memory i leave here that's sweet. (as long as i'm borrowing phrases, i hope you'll think of me fondly sometimes.) i hope there was something warm and enriching here. i hope you know what you've been and meant to me. i said so many times that this blog was my cozy haunted house - the ghosts will linger here forever, and i know they'll never mind if you want to step in and visit.

with all my heart, i love so many of you so dearly. i am so lucky to have your friendships. please move gently through life. please hold onto the things that illuminate it for you, and provide that where you can. please do your best to repair even the smallest of tears in the world. you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

there must be lights burning brighter somewhere.

something yet remains. i remain. and i do my best to be brave.

[meyerlansky]

there's a nonzero chance this already exists but i am in fact Tormented by thoughts of a saltburn fanvid set to "ballad of a homeschooled girl" that starts off with ollie as the focus and then. shifts focus. the same way the movie does.