#trying to technically sleep too
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also ghosts (echoes*) have a specific colour for their gold that's applied before the shaders but i can't check what it is in hex because it's in a float rgb. and also the numbers r rlly long.
But it's "public Colour goldColour = new Color(0.5294118f, 0.3647059f, 0.18431373f)
tried for a bit to get this color from an online converter and none of them cooperated (at least on mobile)
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some light body horror sketches, still alive
#technically one of those is an archivist to tag#but its mostly just sketching#toh archivists#i think i'm sick again or i guess still#it's been a while like that for months#maybe thats just what the baseline now is#but jegus ive been so tired its unreal#waking up from after 16h and the fatigue is still there#always present#always extreamly annoying#waking up rested is a scam by the big sleep#just sitting for a while feels like challange#and sitting is supposed to be the “resting” thing for sake#a cheat code to actually try and prep for the exams to just lie on the floor with laptop#kinda feels like having those reloadable batterijs that got charged too many times and now dont load fully anymore#but still give off charge they accumulated at the same speed as before so it SEEMS they work normally#just way way shorter#i am guessing this is just the depresso and anemia doing its thing#or whatever other things this mortal vessel might have wrong#also fun fakt did you know having very low iron can manifest itself as depressive episode#getting “hasnt the depresso been getting worse lately” from a general doc just looking at blood was a shock#eat your beets kids#if anyones actually reading this dont be concerned#this is just my complaining corner#to complain#im getting meds for those its just dreadfully slow#and i have a supportive guinea pig that's being a menace more than usual lately
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look i understand if people just don't like the idea of billford, i think we have a different internal concept of what shipping means (they're not good for each other at all but i need to dissect their dynamic like a bug. you understand. it's fun) but it's fine to avoid things you don't like, good for you genuinely
however people saying they like. don't see it. like. i'm not saying there's no platonic way to read it, i'm aroace spec myself i'm all for reading things in different ways. but i do think saying they weren't partners in any queer sense at all is trying too hard to go against what the narrative is trying to say, or missing it. somehow
anyway media literacy time if a character makes a joke like this
and the previous context of that joke within the show is that it's about an ex wife. what connection do you think the text is trying to get you to make.
and that's just from a writing point of view. not even noting that from an in universe perspective ford likely knows the joke from the same source as stan. and is therefore. placing himself in that role of the joke are you seeing where i'm coming from
(not to mention bill's side of this text which is. extremely manipulative but also does not read very platonic. again, it can technically be read as platonic! bill literally can manipulate ford's feelings. but the specific wording used is very much meant to look like possessive ex partner wording whether the character means it that way or not. it's coding. look again i'm not saying it was good for them i'm just saying there was something there.)
and then there's also the divorce/break up/rock bottom input on the website. like. how else is that supposed to be read. and the corresponding page in the book itself.
the language being used here. like yes he's saying it in a joking way but then there's the other side that isn't joking which is him crying at the bar. it's the both sides (the very coded language on top of the very genuine emotions and dynamic beneath)
i know most of us are on the same page with this i've just seen a couple people saying they don't see it when this is some of the most clear cut coding i've ever seen. and these are just the things that explicitly reference a relationship off the top of my head i'm not even including the general vibes of Everything
tl;dr it's barely even subtext anymore it's all but straight up text. what's not clicking have we forgotten what coding is (lighthearted i just enjoy the phrase what's not clicking. what's not clicking)
#also i fully think they can be aroace spec about it if that's the issue. i have nonspecific aroace spec headcanons for ford i understand#i do personally think there was some form of attraction there even if not in the most typical way. but the specifics are there to play with#i don't think they ever necessarily labelled it as a relationship either#but yeah. like. yes it can technically be read platonically. sure. i would say most things can be#there are no rules to it have fun#but from a writing perspective. why would it include some of these things if it didn't want you to see them as exes in some sense#i'm sorry but this is just. text i don't know why i'm trying to convince the like three people who don't already see this i should sleep#billford#too scared to main tag other than that#gravity falls#changed my mind i have like 3 followers i'll be fine#the people who would explode me the most probably already have the billford tag blocked or something#the book of bill#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#this is not a website dot com#does the tag have spaces or not. i'm not checking. it's 11:30 pm here
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Family for day 6 of SpeSilverWeek! Edition uuh found biological and crime I guess...
#this was the first one I completed tbh and I'm not vibing but it was rly good warmup and tbh working lineless is so much easier...#I get lazier and messier concerning anatomy esp and stuff but I have fun...#spesilverweek#pokespe silver#pokespe blue#pokespe#my art#the thing about this is. I have so many thoughts about this one very specific rocket au where they aren't dex holders but find Giovanni#instead but he still goes missing and they still kind of hate team rocket bc the whole mask of ice thing still happened so they try to fuck#shit up from within now that giovanni is gone even though they also rly just kinda want him to return and deal with stuff himself#and the admins have these rly fun roles of all being in disagreement on what to do#like the boss might be dead his kids should take over or we Must find the boss or lol no boss my team rocket now#and then the dex holders get mixed in too and it's Fun bc everyone is fighting everyone#also sorry Giovanni for making you look like that#it's like 5min til day 6 technically but my laptop is being a butt so in case it won't turn on tomorrow here it is now#I will not wait 5min for midnight I got a new pillow for christmas and I wanna SLeep on it noW! hell yeah !!#pokemon
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hot take but I don't really like the concept of just "make every character bi" in most contexts. not because I think it's unrealistic or any bullshit like that, but because being bi and being gay are different at the end of the day. not in a bad way! (I'm really afraid of this post coming across as biphobic when that isn't what I'm trying to say) it's just a fact. as someone exclusively lesbian, there are simply life experiences that only other lesbians/gay men relate to that bi people don't relate to. and ofc there are life experiences that bi people have that I don't relate to. it's just different.
I like a balance. a lot, even most, characters in something can be bi and I have zero problems, as long as there's also fully gay characters. I can typically relate to/appreciate bi characters more than I can with straight characters, but there is something special about having a fully gay character who I can really relate to on a deeper level.
#this is why i see serrennedy as both fully gay even tho the overwhelming fandom take is they're both bi#leon being fully gay with a comp het crush on ada... genuinely just makes objective sense in dsc but also is me projecting onto him#bc comp het was smth i struggled with a lot trying to figure myself out. it was a big life experience for me#luis i *technically* headcanon as bi… i see him as bi*sexual* but homo*romantic* giving him some comp het experience too#like he's attracted to women and sleeps with them all the time so he knows he's not gay but can't figure out why he can't make a#relationship with any woman last longer than a few weeks and loses feelings quickly once things go from sex to actual relationship. then he#eventually gets into a relationship w a man and suddenly all the romantic stuff he forced w women just come naturally to him and he actually#enjoys things being more than just sex and has no commitment issues like he always did before. and something finally clicks into place
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hi i have been inactive for a while due to the chk chk boom. hope you understand.
#HI HELLO BESTIES I WISH I COULD UPDATE YOU GUYS BUT I HAVE BEEN SUPER BUSY AND CONSUMED BY THE HORRORS™#basically im moving out the country in like four days so packing has been a whole ordeal#not to mention i'm procrastinating feeling my feelings#my three month gre prep plan turned into a one week prep reality T-T my unofficial score is 321 out of 340 which is... idrk#i was in the middle of a lot of things and given the level of time and energy i was able to commit amidst the chaos... it's not too bad.#OH ALSO i got done with the round one registration for my courses today and it was a MESS#(technically only the in-dept courses were due today. the ones from the other depts were due 17th. either way. the website was being cruel)#oh and as for out-dept courses it's a different procedure but I managed to get Intro to ML! absolutely insane given my meager coding skills#as well as my shaky understanding of engineering calculus. in other words welcome back my arch nemesis slash lover miss mathematics#oh and! all my friends are also moving away which basically means the past week has been meeting my besties and trying not to cry#i've been reading a bit as well! i read assistant to the villain and it was simply the cutest book ever i need the sequel SO BAD#OH AND GOSE IS BACK so that's been fun#so yeah that's what's up#i really wished i had more time to update on here I had a really cool idea for this week but i've been too exhausted sighhh#hope you guys have been doing well also please feel free to text or tag me on posts i might not be able to reply but i love reading updates#sending lots of hugs and chocolates to all my beloveds <3#oh oh also please go check out skz's comeback it's so good!#okay it's like 12:26am now ima go sleep now gnight byeeee#megumi in the tags#megumi.fm
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Haven't drawn or doodled much this week since an event is making me stay at school for almost 12 hours every single day 😔AKJSHAKsjlh At least its over altho I got another important school activity that Imma have to practice for next week
#twisted wonderland#twst#jade leech#floyd leech#leech twins#doodle#I technically did try doing doodles for the past few days#but I just go to sleep 10-30 minutes later#I didn't finish them today because I just realized#that's too many people for a quick doodle-#So just went with these two and finished them within an hour#♦Anne⋆˙♦ draws
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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day 2 of dogsitting. got barely any sleep again. thought i wasn't that ill yesterday so my body decided to spite me today and now my throat feels like sandpaper. hooray
gonna vibe with a show for a while before i attempt to exist fully
#;forever yelling into the abyss (ooc)#( the lack of sleep was partly deliberate )#( bc i'm trying to reset my schedule a little so i'm not so exhausted this week )#( but with the timing of being ill too it's pretty rough sdkfbdklg )#( and this show is technically muse homework so i'm technically being productive- )
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had the most unpleasant 15hr sleep of all time and now i’m gonna feel like sludge for however many hrs i’m awake for so i can’t even Do Anything cool
#personal#i’ve been sleeping 10+ hrs most nights for the last week or two so i must be sick#but there’s not really anything else wrong#my dad’s been feeling Generally Off too so it’ll be Something#but the last day or two i’ve been shaky and had a migraine and my tinnitus has been Bad so i’m worried my thyroid’s getting worse again#i’m so close to finishing a thing i’ve been working on for more than a week i just need to push through#well. technically it’s part 1 of a thing. but it’s the most arduous part. and it’s nearly done gahhhhh#i think i’ll try to finish it today i just need my brain to move maybe a tiny bit faster
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#trying to see what tags I'm forgetting and if this is gonna be the summary for it...#word count will change a bit too#bc I'm halfway to the final edit#but now I'm going to sleep and I'll probs post tomorrow#which is technically today for me#but like it doesnt count before I slept
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So I may or may not have spent a good chunk of my day trying to learn how to look into onis code and while I may not have yet succeeded I will likely keep fucking around with shit tomorrow and if I manage to succeed it'll spell great doom for my sanity as oni becomes the interest I've officially poured the most effort into analyzing
#rat rambles#oni posting#for now I must sleep but hopefully tomorrow Ill figure out how to decompile files#the real question is going to be if Ill be able to do this on my shitty ass laptop or if Ill need to figure smth else out#I just want to be able to view stuff so ideally it won't make my laptop chug too bad but rly Im more worried abt space#I might have to try to do some cleanup and delete some shit maybe Ill go scan through the shit that came pre installed#and hey maybe if I can get this to work I can go mega hacker mode and tweak some stuff for funsies#probably wont since I don't wanna break my game and I dont trust myself but yknow#itd probably help if I actually retained any information from the Two programing classes I took when I was younger but alas#one of them was even specifically a video game programming class and lemme tell you I remember absolutely nothing#also from what little I was able to view without fancy applications I have no new info but I can finally fully put jean in the we 100% know#their last name zone cause while we definitely already 100% did Technically we only got jea- for first name confirmation#but theyre referred to as jean in a note in a bio bot story traits file ty whoever added the notes there#god I hope theres other notes in the files I want to read those so bad#btw this was all spurred by that one nails log that disappeared cause I have found a file that looks like it but I cant fully view it#and I desperately need to view it I need to view it#also if I can look in the code then in theory itll make copying down all the lore logs easier#also the datamining thread of the forums hasnt been particularly active so who knows maybe I can become a proper dataminer#(<- will not do that probably unless it turns out to be easier than I thought)#but admittedly I am interested in hunting for potential future update content even if I probably won't hunt too hard for it#again Im mostly just hunting for lore#hey maybe if Im lucky Ill find some genuinely new and usable information in that department#maybe the secrets of b363 and dr. holland lie in the files ooooo (they probably dont)#man it'd be nice if I had a proper pc itd make my life so much easier and my desk feel less enpty lol#in a world where I get to play videogames at a higher framerate than 10fps#I mean we do have some older computers laying around the house although theyre probably also crusty pieces of shit#idk maybe I can see if I can salvage one itd be nice to have a proper computer to fuck about with#Im sure my mom wouldn't mind as long as its one that hasnt been touched in years#which tbf I dont know how many options thatd leave me but we at least have one computer that could theoretically be usable#albiet its definitely packed with viruses from me and my siblings being dumb kids
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The universe truly hates me, my dog is doing better (a whole night of sleep!!!) and I was finishing my coffee, ready to start working, and my father called me to talk for an hour 😭
#my dog was sleeping so well and was so quiet#i haven't done much the past 2 days because every time he made a noise i ran to him to check what i could do to help him#but noooo I'm never allowed to do shit#ugh let's see if I can get 3 hours of work at least#just 3 isn't asking much#i technically have another 6 hours to reach that goal#because i try working until 11:30pm now that it's winter and i wake up late#currently I'm not wasting time typing this btw I'm waiting for the stuff i need to warm up to heat because I'm too cold to think 🙃
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Move It Move It Station is making me cry.
#splatoon#aiko plays squid games#octo expansion#what makes it worse is that technically I have it completed#only because the person sitting next to me when I was struggling with it last week wanted to try#and proceeded to beat it in two tries#but I still need to beat it myself for my own knowledge that I can do it#it just feels really wrong to me to have someone else's accomplishments on my save lol#so now I just feel even worse that I have dumped 10k credits into this and not once have I even survived to the halfway point#realistically it doesn't help that I'm running on low sleep though#and I'm probably emotionally compromised because I can't stop comparing myself to other people and feeling worse about it#sigh#I was feeling so confident yesterday I'm certain this is just brain chemicals#which makes it worse because every time I have to be reminded that my well-being is controlled by random chemicals#I just feel really helpless and that I will never have any control over my life anyway so what's the point#but I also know I'll be fine once I get more sleep and a decent meal#my brain is just too busy throwing a pity party to let me sleep and it's frustrating
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Stayed up way too late playing sims 4 bc I finally got around to downloading all the shit and I started making my goth witch girl from the sims 2. And got really carried away with it. Still have to make her twin brother And her girlfriend (technically the girlfriend will start out in a separate household & I'm gonna pad things out with more family members. But the 3 of them are the most important). But it got really late and I'm not even done with her yet but ppl online seem to be saying that u can save a CAS household in the library so that I can go in and continue editing. We will hope 🙏 bc I dont wanna lose the hours of effort I spent on her
And even tho it's nearly 7 am I still really wanna be playing. I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight, I don't think
#speculation nation#sometimes u just gotta submit to the sims. thats just how it goes.#this trio of sims started out as me just being so self indulgent in the sims 2. and i got SO attached to them...#sometimes a household can be a fem goth witch her cottagecore-esque girlfriend and her asshole player of a twin brother#just a real sweet & wholesome lesbian romance over here while the brothers off screwing anyone he can convince to wet his dick. essentially.#to give me the best of both worlds in the sims. bc sometimes i wanna have a sweet wholesome family#and sometimes i wanna use a male sim to see how many random sims i can knock up in town.#he's gonna be a witch too Technically. but he wont put effort into studying like his sister will#but if i can get him to knock up a bunch of ppl in town... little army of witches....#really i wanna fuck around and try to get nice big family trees bc i enjoy that. there will be a Million Children#but this guy aint gonna be paying child support. lmao#he'll be forced to help out around the house regardless. cant spend All his time fucking around.#but as much time as he can spend on it... he is so unserious.#i also wanna have the girlfriend be a gardener and a uh. some kind of animal raising#maybe a horse. maybe other things. idk. i'll figure it out! but shes just the type who wants to nurture and make things grow#and then the witch is the Studious Type. real invested in her magic. also likes playing guitar.#there r gonna be some Vibes im carrying over from the sims 2. but things r different in the sims 4. so i'll just have to see where things go#and before THAT. i need to sleep. lol. lmao even.#gonna try to get at least 6 hours of sleep if i can... waugh
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#my mother just told me shes gifting me 3k for too surgery#top#and i should be grateful but im just so numb#nothing feels real anymore#everything is too much#fuck#but hey at least thats off my plate#my savings plus that money is enough to cover the surgeon im meeting on thursday#or should be#now just finding a new flat and a new job in a new city#and actually getting surgery#and try not to fall over from exhaustion on thirsday#where ill leave the house at 8 and return att 11#only to work 7 hours later#might start drinking coffee tbh#or smoking#drugs seem like the appropeiate response to my life at the moment#but hey at least there was still one couch free in my mothers house to sleep on#theres two more technically but one is in my ypunger brothers room and one is in my grandfathers old hobby room that we keep locked up#its always funny to me how theres three emoty beds in my fathers house but we all still stay on my mothers various couches
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