#trying to think of their personalities...it'd be nice to write a fic about them sometime

[bumblingbabooshka]

Give it up for Those Left Behind: Mark, T'Pel & Greskrendtregk - the common law widows

[ghouldtime]

i usually don’t message anyone or anything but i just wanted to say i love your characterizations of konig, ghost, and soap very much. the love and appreciation you have for these characters really come through in your writing.

the cod fandom is full of talented writers but the majority of them write smut. it gets tiring scrolling through the tag and just seeing porn when i actually just wanna see… ppl who enjoy the characters outside of sex appeal, yk? so your blog, truly and genuinely, is a breath of fresh air.

that’s not even mentioning the ppl who write them as abusive or use them to fulfill certain fantasies. i mean i don’t kink shame ofc, but idk sometimes ppl write them in extremely degrading ways that do a disservice to their character and it bugs me a little. plus all the “innocent bimbo reader” rhetoric, idk it gets tiring.

anyway, sorry for the yap session, but i did mean everything i said genuinely !!

💚💚💚💚 Salutations anon! You really don't know how much I appreciate hearing this. Seriously, messages like this give me motivation to keep writing and to stay active on here. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the very depths of my heart. You've all been so so incredibly kind, sweet, and encouraging 😭 I don't know what I've done to deserve this but it's appreciated and you all are absolutely awesome. This has made my YEAR, thank you for taking time out of your day to send my silly self a message 💚💚💚💚💚

I'm so so happy my characterizations have hit the mark for some people and that I'm (hopefully) doing them some justice! I'm always worried about that because characterization matters heavily to me and I want to respect their characters and how much they mean to me and other people through it EVEN IF THE WRITERS OF THE LAST MODERN WARFARE DON'T KNOW WHAT A PROPER STORY LINE IS AND KILLED SOAP WHICH I'M NOT FORGETTING, IM NOT FORGIVING, AND IM CERTAIN NOT LIVE LAUGH LOVING WITH IT. I'm refusing to accept he's dead, no matter what they say

I love the boys all so much. They all have such interesting things about them and have a lot more dynamic to them than people think and I just want to represent them right, especially lesser appreciated characters (haven't actually really written for them yet but Keegan, Logan, Hesh, Sandman, Roach, Nikto, Krueger - legit I love them, anyone feel free to send asks or scenarios you'd like I WILL write them. Legit, y'all, you can send me asks about certain characters even if there isn't much on them. I WILL do my research and I WILL write to the best of my ability)

Oh there's many talented writers in the COD Fandom, there really are. I can't say I really know any personally seeing as I never really interact with other blogs but I've seen some reallly really nice fics with so much thought put in them. But equally, there's a lot of just... smut. Not even well written smut, I'm sorry, but a lot of it is just really, really poorly written. I'm all for do what you want, write whatever makes you happy. Freedom of speech! If it makes you happy, cool! But I'm also going to cringe cause a lot of it is... yeah, yikes

Not trying to be the smut police and say every detail must be accounted for and everyone should follow it in a certain way but plz basic anatomy 101, basic prep 101, no guy gal or enby pal will appreciate it if you just shove it in to anywhere dry and I've seen a loooot of that and other things that just hurt?????

I get it, people learn by reading/writing, but this is literally just a single search away. And common sense. There's also a lot of practices being unsafely represented (like fifty shades of gray level) and uh it's not on purpose, it's not meant to be dubious, but it just is written as that. PLEEEEASE please please do some research, the internet is right there

But I felt the same way. Like bless whatever y'all want to write, no shame and NO shade to writing smut. I'll probably eventually do it myself again in the future (undecided on that but it'd likely be a side blog if I do and would never be a main focus, I prefer story over smut action. Once again, no shade and no shame to those who don't, to each their own!). Never ever going to full on NSFW mode or only writing that, I'm always always always going to prioritize writing the characters first and trying to get more stories out there about them :D

But I got tired of opening it and all I see is just... smut, smut, more smut, extremely dubious content x 50. And maybe a sprinkle of normal things or fluff here and there. I just don't look in the tags honestly anymore, because so many people just don't properly tag it or give 0 warning at all, not even under a read more, just BAM, unavoidable unless you flat out don't look at the tags at all

There's more to the characters than just being attractive ���and I love exploring those aspects of them and trying to figure out why they are the way they are

Also I'm ALWAYS going to have an issue with people who fetishize horrible things. When you're actively fantasizing and writing about someone abusing someone else, like flat out abuse, and being incredibly toxic and terrible to someone - just, please talk to a therapist. That's not social commentary, that's not a proper portrayal of real, HORRIBLE things that affect many people and have very real repercussions - that's perpetuating the negative narrative around a lot of struggles and setting it back by instead turning it into something that's treated as attractive. I really fully can elaborate on this and have a whole rant - but it's not cute and it's NEVER cool to fetishize actual, awful awful things that happen to people. Dead dove doesn't excuse you from judgement - especially when it's not even acknowledged. You're just saying you know what you write is probably morally reprehensible. Hey, I'm going to reprehend and won't respect you at all when you write awful things just cause and get off on it. Think people forget that. Dead dove is a descriptor and doesn't excuse you or make you instantly free from judgement or mean you're not doing something problematic/disgusting. It's just saying you know it is, that's about it.

I don't get why people do that when it's clear they have no idea what they're talking about. I've seen that a lot with the bully! Things. Like... wow, clearly some of you WEREN'T bullied and you're writing about it and it shows because if you were, hey, you know how fucking awful that shit is and how it leaves life long effects. Not saying this applies to all but there's a lot I see like that where it's just ".... wow, okay, so you don't have any idea what you're talking about, cool."

AND YEAH the mischaracterization really does do a great disservice where it's clear they're just after the characters for their physique. They just warp them so bad it's like "Are we talking about the same character?" . In AUs you get to explore that and can shape them to your wants, that's your choice! Highly recommend AU's, it allows so much freedom.

But when it's like.... regular? And it's just no where close and they're doing a 180 in how they actually are (like having Ghost flirt with strangers and be big scary daddy dom im sorry he's not at allllll) I don't get it and it's clear you really aren't writing about or for the character - at that point, plz, make your own characters. Just make your own OCs, it's great! And you can make them HOWEVER you want instead of just ignoring a character's characterization to make them fit what you want. And guess what? It's your character so you can TRULY do what you want and have them the way that you want instead of bending characters to fit a box that they weren't made for

I'm not saying you HAVE to write a character the same as me or in a specific way, but when it's a character with an established personality/backstory, the least you can do is follow that outside of AU's if you're writing for them. That's... the whole point of writing that character - I don't get why you'd write for them specifically if you're literally going to ignore everything about them

SPEAKING OF THE INNOCENT BIMBO THING, I'm also really not a fan. Once again, if that makes you happy to write or read, cool! I just am NOOOOT a fan. Why does the reader always have to be so small and so delicate and so pure/innocent? Why does the reader have to be just so UWU coded? Why are they always like "oh you're so little and small :( and just don't know any better" . It's either that or they're John fucking Wick with little in between. Pleeeease it hurts my soul

Its why I try to genuinely write a neutral geared reader with reactions that will likely fit a lot of people! I'm always taken out of a story's immersiveness when it mentions something like like your hair length or how uwu small you are in comparison. Give me just... average sensible reader. Give me reader who has realistic human reactions. Give me reader who isn't perfect, give me a reader who isn't magically special or different. Give me a reader who is just doing their best, who is THEMSELVES, with no intent otherwise. I love those fanfics so so much instead of trying to feel like I have to be something I'm not to get myself in the mindset to read some pieces NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YAPPING. IM ALWAYS WANTING TO TALK IM ALWAYS AROUND 💚💚💚💚THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGE IT MAKES MY HEART WARM AND MAKES ME SO SO HAPPY

[bropunzeling]

I wish you would write about Sasha “it feels like he’s been here 10 years” & Matthew trying to be responsible leadership and not mess things up with Feelings.

ok not to cheat but on tuesday i DID open a notes app note about a nice delicious achy slow burn for these two because honestly. hONESTLY. life has written it for us. the instant connection! the way they get along SO well. the complementary personalities of it all!! it is crying out for a good long fic where sasha wasn't sure what to expect from this new guy (especially one replacing huberdeau!), with the reputation that he has, only for them to get along great, really click on the ice and off it. and matthew is so dedicated, and charming, and funny, and is it any wonder that sasha wants to hang out with him more? is it any wonder that sasha keeps finding excuses to go to las olas or go for a late drink or - whatever keeps matthew close? and by the middle of that first season, well, who could be shocked that maybe sasha wants to do more than just get drinks or watch a west coast game on matthew's couch or sit comfortably silent as matthew chatters at him? maybe he IS thinking about what it would be like to shock matthew into shutting up with his mouth. but also they're leaders of this team, and they have the barest shot of scraping into the playoffs, and should he go for it? should he risk it? and they get longer and longer into that season and are getting closer and closer and at some point he starts to think that if he did risk it, matthew would welcome it. and then they do make the playoffs -- get through the first round -- keep going on this miraculous run -- they're getting so close -- maybe if they go all the way, sasha could --

cue the broken sternum and the collapse in the finals. cue sasha -- not.

but then it's next year. a new season. a fresh start. they're just as good as they were the previous season -- better, even. and matthew is still looking at him the way he did last year. like if sasha did close the space between them, if sasha did even the least of the things he's wanted to do with matthew for almost a year, he'd more than welcome it. but also -- they came so close last year. they could really do it this year. what if sasha guesses wrong? what if he doesn't get the cup or matthew? it'd hurt too much to take.

but then again, sometimes, when matthew looks at him, sasha thinks it could almost be worth being brave.

[jetiana]

20 fanfic author questions!

thanks for the tag @iridescentis !

1. How many works on AO3?

16! Most of them are oneshots, but I still think that's pretty impressive since I only started posting on AO3 last year.

2. Total AO3 Word Count?

92,794, and almost half of those are from one fic (parallel world).

3. Top 5 fics by Kudos

I'm just curious, is it serious? (18 kudos)

"with emily's blessing" (13 kudos)

parallel world (9 kudos)

looks like we've got a mystery on our hands (8 kudos)

saturday (ten years later) (7 kudos)

4. What fandoms do you write for?

The Next Step! I've written for other fandoms in the past, in my pre-AO3 days, but that's the only fandom I'm currently writing for.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Of course! Sometimes someone will talk about something specific from the chapter, and I'll want to give them an extra bit of information. Or I'll just thank them for the compliment :)

6. Angstiest Ending?

I guess "with emily's blessing". Most of the things I write end on at least a hopeful note.

7. Fic with the Happiest Ending?

Maybe I'm just curious, is it serious? Everything is nicely wrapped up by the end of that one.

8. Do you get hate?

No.

9. Do you write smut?

No, and I don't see it in my future.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No. The Next Step is the only fictional fandom I'm this deep in, so I'm not sure how I'd manage trying to write a crossover with another fandom. The only thing that comes close is that I have thought about doing a hockey AU, which isn't a crossover, but it is an intersection of two fandoms I'm very into.

11. Ever had a fic stolen?

No.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. That would be so cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, and I think that'd stress me out.

14. All time favourite ship?

It'd have to be Jetiana. Which I think you could guess from my username. They're by far my most written ship, and I just love them so much.

15. WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I guess looks like we've got a mystery on our hands. I have hope that I will finish it eventually, but fancomics take so much work. Mostly I'm worried that I'll lose interest in the fandom before I finish it, and I'll stop wanting to work on it.

16. Writing strengths?

I think writing characters that people are able to connect with. Like, I was nervous going into parallel world because writing Jonah was pretty much like writing an OC, and I had no idea if people were going to care about his storyline. But by the end, I think I had everyone pretty invested in him as a character.

17. Writing Weaknesses?

Endings!! I like the angst of the middle of the story, I don't like having to wrap everything up nicely. I really struggled writing the end of parallel world especially.

18. Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

I love reading it! Writing is more difficult, and I wish I knew more languages so I could do it more often. But one of the fics I'm currently working on has Pascale speaking some French, and it's been interesting to work on that. My sister is a lot better at French than I am, so I've been getting her to check everything I write.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

If I remember correctly, it was The Hobbit. None of that stuff's online because it's just not good, but I do enjoy reading my old writing and seeing how far I've come.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

It's got to be parallel world. I'm so proud of that fic. It was so much fun to write, and it helped me process some stuff I'd never been able to get over before then.

Although I have to give honourable mentions to getting ready and Hey, I'm Just Like You, both very personal fics to me that I love a lot.

tagging @livebloggingkidshows @joah-shipper to answer these questions, if you want!

[vizishereig]

so, random fic idea time (Scennedyfield edition <3)

does anyone know that one myth about a person in a lake in a forest stealing your reflection? or, not your reflection, but becoming you eventually.

I'm phrasing it badly, but there was a my little pony episode about it, I'm pretty sure. (dont ask me why I remember this, bc I have no clue.)

anyway, I think it'd be some sort of village and Leon is being treated not so kindly (he's too pretty for a boy, he looks girly, blah blah blah) and he finds himself this little lake in the forest one day, trying to get away.

and he meets someone who talks to him through his reflection in the lake. they seem scared, but sweet. they're curious about his life, but they make him promise them to never tell them his name. and he doesn't.

he gives them the nickname of Scott, his middle name, because they don't have a name. they call him Lun, because his hair almost glows in the dim blue light the pond emanates. and they chat and talk.

Leon loves to tell Scott about things that go on in his life, doing so for a long time as he grows older. Scott grows with him through his reflection.

he only tells Scott the good things, though. not how the other boys mistreat him, not how the villagers look at him and say that there must be fae blood in his veins, not how his parents get sick.

he feels sick, too. he feels tired.

aside from Scott, the only other highlight of his life is Chris. Chris, who he accidentally annoys often with his lack of self care and preservation. Chris, who is unfairly handsome. Chris, who tries his best to take care of Leon, even as he pushes him away.

there's an argument, and sometime along the line Leon learns what Scott truly is, and Leon is tired, so tired. so... he asks Scott to take his place.

Scott refuses, of course. even when Leon gives him his name, he refuses.

and Leon is at a loss, because his life isn't even worth something to a being that wants nothing than to be someone else.

anyway, thats all i have so far. just an idea that will sit in my bookshelf for a while, since im writing meteor shower lmao.

@samblerambles this is your fault, btw >:(((( not that I'm actually mad, it's been a while since i've been this freaking creative over smth lmao, its a nice change of pace.

[that-smallinjured-bowylamb]

🩵🪽A Pastel Blue Scroll has appeared! Read it?

I recreated my rules bc I thought it'd be necessary to be at least a bit organized! Read to the end! Please, and thank you!

What to do in my Wing Messenger:

•Please greet me in the ask! Or when you wanna talk abt something! I like it when people greet me and ask abt requests!

•due to my mental instability I can not make a neat schedule of when I will finish the request or when I'm active, please do not rush me as I have other problems to deal with irl.

•I can try to make Reader x Character, and I'll even try to make the reader's gender as vague as possible for anyone to read it! (And for those that like male!reader x Character, gender neutral!reader x Character, or Trans!reader x Character! I'll try to make those!)

•Please be nice about asking me, although I think I am capable of taking requests, sometimes I need to refuse them when I'm not in the mood for writing.

•You can ask me for comfort/angst! And depending on the ending you want to give, I'll try to write it!

•Since I'm new here, I don't really mind questions about my OCs!

•I can do headcanons, scenarios, AUs, or oneshots! (I'm not too good with making scenarios or one-shots but I'll try!)

•We can role-play!

•I can make OC x reader as well!

•You can even ask for Reader comforts if you're feeling down/ or in need of comfort for traumatic reasons! (I'm saying this as, requesting a reader that is traumatized) and, depending on the character (if I know the character well enough, or the character I need more analysis of ((and have enough info abt them))) I can try to write them!

•I have some OC x Characters, but most of my OCs are depressed asf (yes ik that most of artists/OC writers have depressing OC lores) and you can interact with them, ship them, or adopt them if you'd like! (Role-playing is fun for me)

•I want you to be specific in your golden scroll, so please ask for Gender, Genre, how you want me to write it (<-like a fic, series, hc, scenarios or just asking for my opinion)

•Even though I don't know much about every characters I'll put OOC just in case I get smth wrong, you can ask me for my general hc for [character] I can make, but don't expect it to be accurate.

•I'm nervous about expectations and blatant point-outs of my mistakes so please ask before assuming a misunderstanding.

•If your golden scroll was taken last, there were several reasons as to why; It either took me long enough to progress through it, it was difficult for me to write it bc I was probably in an episode, or overstimulation and needed peace to clear my mind, I had to do smth irl or argued with somebody in my family (everyday brawl), or was watching edits of Lilia or twsted character/reading a fic abt Lilia or twsted character, or maybe was just in @ghostofviriena in TikTok !!! And lots of other reasons I'm not going to say (it's abt the men in my family, omg ( T∀T))

(New!)

•My school will start on June 16th, so I still have some time before attending my first day, so I might be adding events for funsies. Please, if you want to place your golden scroll in my mailbox, do it nicely !! :>

•You can ask me questions in my mailbox, I do not mind speaking to you !! And, if your shy, same. I don't really know how to progress as a writer but I'm getting there [I hope] !!

•If you see me obsess about a character and put an x reader, that'll just mean I would like attention from specific people (and it could be you if you'd like to see it), I am planning to make a family event, where TWST families come to visit NRC for a week! (<-and yes they're platonic interactions, but the main cast? Ehhh, 50/50 you know how I am with romance)

•uff it's so difficult making rules like these without knowing specifically what I dislike butt, I'm thinking about the posts I have in my drafts, some will take a week and some could take at least a month or so, usually I'd do it in a day, so I'm quite a random person (compare to whichever TWST character ik giving off but I'd like to think I'm going with the flow based on motivation d(＞ω＜｡)!!!)

What to not do in my Wing Messenger:

•While I do enjoy Yanderes, my personal opinion is that I do not like writing them, if you like Yandere then it's okay I read them too, it's just that I'm not comfortable with writing something like that. We can talk about it, though! I'd appreciate it if we could talk about it! (Contemplating into writing it...)

•I don't write NSFW, so please don't ask me for suggestive content, I'm here for wholesomeness and there might be characters that are minors despite my liking for them, I can't sexualize them, it makes me uncomfortable.

•No incest, no r@pe.[<-this is up for comfort and whatnot, I only like it when characters comfort the reader] and any other bad things like, necro phi, or pDFile, okay?

•I'm not good with writing relationships such as dating but I can write for yearning! Like, [character] is longing to hold [character's crush (which might be you or OC)] in their arms. (But I don't do poetry so I might suck on describing!)

•I may not write for Canon character x Canon character, but we can talk about it! (I just don't know why I feel jealous abt it 😔 oh well that's fine)

•while I can write comfort, I can not make a character 🍇e the reader or OC, since I do not feel that could happen (unless yandere or worse but still as previously mentioned, I do not write yandere), but I can write the trauma of it (AND add comfort from that character)

•Yet again, if you want a yandere blog (which I'm not rlly good at) I COULD think of getting a blog solely for yandere. [Preferably soft yanderes, but I'm thinking abt it].

•Still, No NSFW blogs it's scary :((.

•I can't take criticism well, and it damages my mental health even if it's reasonable, try making it polite please!

•If I delay your golden scroll(ask) don't be upset when I do the others in my leftover box, I have random motivations from time to time, call me Floyd for these sudden interest in motivations for other things!

(New!)

•When you see something you dislike, or something I've done wrong, please try to make it as nice as possible. I might mistake it as hate. Yes, my heart is fragile [<-and ego] so it breaks quite easily and demotivates my passion to write a post/continue :(

•due to my upcoming in school (I've already enrolled in but I'm anxious, so I need to get that checked) I might not be as active as before, and if possible, please leave your golden scrolls in my mailbox ! Again, please do not rush me, I can't focus on multiple things.

•If you'd like to speak to me only, please greet me before doing so!

•Hates, threats, and impolite scrolls will be deleted for my sanity and mental health's sake.

My Limit Meter 🎀:

•Just 3 or 5 characters at best, but if you want housewardens or vice-housewardens I can add them !!

•I can take up atleast two or three requests in a day (if I could by any chance), if I'm feeling extra bored, then I'll just complete my drafts and the rest of the inbox (<-but this is more unlikely and the chances are slim due to my upcomings).

•If you want the main cast, I can try, but only for hc or whatever I feel like writing it in, I can't do it specifically bc I'm not sure abt myself.

•Please understand that I'm not always active abt writing !! I just wanted to write and have some fun with it, fame sounds nice (like being noticed by Hana 🙏🙏) but still, I like doing things on whimsy, don't expect too much !!! It makes me nervous !!! ( ; ﾟДﾟ)

(New!)

•Please, PLEASE read my rules carefully and see if it matches your golden scrolls! If you ask for more than the characters limit, then I can do it for another time but there is no guarantee that I'll make a continuation! (There is, a LOT in my drafts, and some of them are projects I'm working on for TWST!au, so please be careful with what you need from me!)

Dark Topics I could add (and reasons for it):

•Okay knowing me, I'd like to base off reader as a irl person (but rlly it is up to you to decide if you want to put in a self-insert), so that would mean basic troubles, specifically in Twisted Wonderland, where you're sent to a different world? Wouldn't that make you feel overwhelmed because you don't know, even the most of basic knowledge in there?

•Yes, I might put dark topics one day (<-I've already hinted this at Leona's part in "National Showdown" but never specified it) As in sexual harassment, SA, CSA, abuse, child Abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse [<-I think these exist], and financial abuse, etc, etc.

•Remember, if I put these warnings and some make you uncomfortable but read it nonetheless, please note that I'm not good at describing it, especially when it's me taking out my trauma, do not question if whether or not it is my trauma, I don't want anyone to point it out.

•For the disorder!reader (<-in my masterlist below), even if this isn't for any hc or ask, you can talk abt this scenario abt disorder!reader. you have to specify WHAT kind of disorder, or mental illness that reader has, any talks abt me deleting this, it is your problem, unfortunately !!!

•For the creepy!Yuu and victim!reader [<-again, in my masterlist just scroll down below] this one isn't up for an ask. This is just a what if, and if you want to speak to me abt it, and brainstorm scenarios w it, that's fine by me, this is just projecting.

Photo by: viriena!!! Please support their TikTok vids!!! It's really nice!

Extra♡♡♡

This is just a PLUS note so don't mind this if you don't have time to read a lot!

While my mental health is still going under a diagnose I can not say for sure if I'm mentally stable, that is, the reason of my posts and why I became a writer even if it's stacking a pile on my free-time is still unknown to me, I just felt like it, for some sort of escapism. If anyone, in the entire Tumblr, especially anons that hide themselves in order to correct my mistakes, I'm very sorry. But, please take consideration to my health and do the following orders in my rules, call me Riddle Rosehearts for crying over my rules breaking (even if I accidentally break mine) but it is really needed for the sake of my health.

I can't remember much on what I've been meaning to say, but if there's a post in #LambySpeaks [<-where I just talk, no hc, no nothing, just thoughts or whatever] and a #sensitive Lamby it is a vent post on what I feel. Now, that I remember what I've been meaning to say, here are the following tags to navigate yourself to your destined post.

#LambySpeaks <- Where I talk, speak about my thoughts, and and whatever random things I want to say, if you don't like whats posted in there, do not comment.

#sensitive Lamby <- a tag for when I vent, please check the tags before proceeding to read whatever I post, just in case you stumble upon one of my venting posts.

#snuff~`•°sneak peak <- a tag that leads you to my sneak peeks/incoming fics/soon to be projects

#{*☆°•`Events`°~☆} <- Are the Events as written in the tag.

#<♡Obsession sess♡> <- is me talking about a character or whatever tf I say to the character, just a post filled about them.

The twst tags can help you go through my fics no need for "#lambywritings" that'd be too long for me to edit the tags on every one of them (;´∀｀) !!!

#postponed lamb <- where I postpone my writings and talk/do a little smth smth than usual.

#《☆Aesthetics☆》 <- Just me posting Aesthetics for my blog/or how I imagine my aethetic/s or vibe/s would be. [Exm1. "My OCs aesthetics" Exm2. "My blog aesthetics"]

End of Scroll

P.s Just know that, I'm going to enroll into another school so I'll be less active unfortunately.

-🩷🪽

Back inside Destiny's Vanity?

[zishu-arts]

do you have any writing tips in general? I admire your stuff a lot and I write too so if you have any it'd be awesome :)

ahh thank you !!!!

generally speaking, i’d say just try writing A LOT. write about anything. write a bunch of different things, try different styles and such. it’s okay to mess around and stuff

also DONT READ WHAT YOUVE ALREADY WRITTEN. i feel like rereading your words over and over while you’re still writing really wears it down and makes writing seem like such a chore. just let the words flow, and once you run out of your juice, you can go back and read it (if you like. personally i don’t think i’ve read a lick of my words after i’d written them, only a few days after i’ve posted fics did i actually read them)

something else is like, if you feel like your story’s stale or like you’re not too good with narrative, you could always add on a story when you mention/describe something. like, if your character is at the park, you can mention how they used to spend the whole day picking out four leaf clovers and collecting pinecones. it’s a nice thing to add onto instead of just leaving it at saying character A is at the park, and the park had a lot of trees in it. it sort of adds onto the character’s like, realism? if that’s the word

if it’s for like technical/format tips, always remember to create a new paragraph every time a different person speaks or the topic changes. try not to overload paragraphs too much because it can get very muddy and hard to read

don’t feel pressured to have a draft before writing. i don’t think i’ve ever written a draft in my life. sometimes it helps people, but for me, as soon as the words get written down, i am NOT coming back to it. it’s okay to wing it a little and just let your words and brain work

i’ve seen this tip elsewhere before, but try to minimize the use of “Character A felt” or “It feels like” when describing something. It falls flat on reader’s imagination when you’ve already stated that Character A was starting to panic. it helps if you describe things like dizziness, lack of air, ringing in ears, numbing in fingers, racing heart, muffled noises, etc. it allows readers to feel the panic while it’s happening and makes things seem more real

let your own feelings be written down. a lot of my fics come from my own personal feelings at different times (like anxiety or neurodivergence and such) or, i would try to imagine what if would feel like to be in x situation. it helps to be able to write a scene if you’re able to know what the experience is like.

that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. i hope it helped !!! im not really sure what im doing when i write cause im literally winging everything, but hopefully these can help :)

[mla0]

'send me a character' bet *throws you a plushie of shaun andersen of smth idfk* -🪓🐇 (i would honestly die for mla0 plushies though like we already got marble hornets,, why not mla0 and maybe even emh)

PLEASE I WANT THEM. i am going to do shaun andersen though because hee. hee.

favorite thing about them: Literally the everything? This is my blorbo. My failgirl who sucks. What's not to love.

least favorite thing about them: I feel like we don't get too much characterization of her outside of a few brief moments and some implications.

favorite line: "It won't stop until you forget about it, and you NEED to forget about it" goes so hard. She's being truly deranged in this video. AND ALSO. "That.... person, you've said you've seen, in your videos.... I've seen him." Like admitting that finally was insane. BUT THEN. JUST THE WAY SHE DEFLECTS IT ALL ONTO MICHAEL. Like nooooo aha I'm normal this is all on YOU buddy. Yeah sure. The biggest fucking denial-er in the universe. it's so shitty but from a character/arc perspective I LOVE IT. Eats it. Also also also "This thing... wants to hurt you" GOES HARD AS WELL. You can kinda tell she does truly care but her thinking about it is so fucking warped

brOTP: I think her and Evan would be friends perhaps? I've also written her and Alex Koval. I think both remind her of Michael and in a post-GOODBYE world, that regret would push her to learning more about them and going out of her way to try to make someone's struggles easier. It wouldn't melt her guilt away, but I do think it'd give her a sense of purpose when she feels aimless

OTP: Either her and Stormy (my belovedest) or her and Vinny (my beloathedest (affectionate))

nOTP: Her and Eric. I get the "I can make them worse" drive but do you really want to make her worse in THAT way. Do you.

random headcanon: Everyone already knows my OCD and transfem headcanons so I will give another. I think she can speak Portuguese. I headcanon the Andersens as being Portuguese/Brazillian purely because me and my friend were being silly (also it's got to do with iteration stuff), but Shaun kept up on it while Michael's still learning from the basics

unpopular opinion: I swear people are either too mean or too nice about her. Yes she's a cunt sometimes. Accept that. Not everything is Michael's fault some of you are weird as hell about this. But also characters can be complex. And can also be wrong. Without them literally being devil incarnates or the real true secret antagonist or whatever the fuck. Okay? Okay.

song i associate with them: Shedding Skin by Destroy Boys (I'm writing a fic based on this song right now, wink wink)

favorite picture of them:

Long hair era <3 go my scarab

[osleeplessflowero]

hi (casually rambles about horror sans and my interpretation of him)

A lot of people portray Horror/Mars and his brother as the type to go crazy over food once able to access it, often hungry and a bit silly, like i remember seeing one fic where he and his brother would go as far as to desperately lick crumbs off of plates so nothing went to waste--

While I definitely think they would enjoy food upon surfacing, an important aspect of Horror's character is that he actively avoided eating anything Underground. Especially humans which were the only actual source of it, he actively fought himself even before biting off Aliza's arm but sadly had to give into his hunger there.

Being in a place with food just readily available..I feel like it'd be a bit more of a strange sensation to him. He'd been used to going so long without food, used to starving.. that sometimes he forgets he can eat at all. So those around him would kinda have to remind him to.

In terms of backstory, I've seen a few fics that write it differently than how it actually happened as well, like the reason for the hole in his skull being because he was protecting Papyrus. While that's an honorable idea, the hole is there because Undyne needed his eye for the CORE and wouldn't take no for an answer. He did not voluntarily give up anything. So naturally one would be angry after this. He grew cold, dangerous.

He pushed those he cared for away, instead focusing on survival. He even had to force his brother to eat Humans just so he could live by tricking him into eating what he thought was regular meat.

He's highly intelligent, he was a scientist after all! He'd even tried coming up with alternative ways to fix the CORE without using him as a power source. He's not an idiot. Certain fic writers..stop writing him as one!!! Especially in a Bad Sanses setting!!!

I feel like upon meeting him on the Surface in a Horrortale timeline he'd be resigned, guarded. Has major trust issues after Frisk. It would take a lot of warming up to get him to even talk to you personally in full sentences. My Scare Actor!Horror timeline takes place in a scenario where he and his brother have went to therapy together and are actively trying to heal and move on from their traumatic experiences, so he's a bit more open there. But in a timeline without that? Yeah..it's gonna take a bit..

Horror wouldn't trust himself around a human he likes. There's still that lingering feeling that his old hunger will catch up to him, making him hurt them. He can't stand the thought of something like that happening. It would take a lot of reassurance to get him to lower his walls..he's got a lot of insecurities. The idea of being able to relax, to live just to live rather than to live to survive.. it's nice, but it's so weird.

Gradually the more he warms up to someone the more he slips into older habits, throwing out the occasional joke or two to get a reaction out of them. Give him some time, he's still a charmer!

[dootznbootz]

I wanted to ask you a deep question about a what if scenario, what do you think would've happened if the suitors successfully killed Telemachus and how would it affect the overall plot, most importantly, Odysseus and Penelope?

Thank you for the ask! Oh, no... :')

Ofc, I'm not Homer so I don't know everything but holy shit. I DO think Athena may have possibly stepped in, or if he was still killed, she would have helped Penelope. (all of them being her faves) If I were to use as an AU in my writing, I'll have to explain somethings :'D

If I were to do this as an AU in my works, I'd probably have her seek refuge with the Naiads, as that already happens in my fics. Odysseus has a shitton of canals in the castle as the reason WHY he partially went to Sparta during Helen's suitors is to get supplies as I plan to have Ithaca and some of the islands he rules over get hit by a minor quake the fucked up the castle. (he already had plans in motion, just needed supplies.) When he met Penelope and learned how she basically needed access to Water always, he sent NEW blueprints/plans back as he wanted to make her happy and give her what she needed. His thoughtfulness eases Icarius and Periboea's worries about him and her going to live on a "rock".

More to it but yeah. It's built in a way where it'd be impossible to go through if you're not a naiad or naiad born as you'd drown...Penelope and Telemachus HAVE found some suitor's bodies in these areas, as the islands don't have MANY Naiad born (especially not at marriageable age. Some naiads, seeing how happy Penelope is and having watched her and Odysseus act, thought "...That sounds nice. Wonder if I could get that." so there are SOME young naiads born eventually on Ithaca)

The pool/canal that's basically in their chamber, needs a special puzzle solved so therefore not even naiad born could get through. (She wasn't completely cooped up. She snuck out through this way to the caves.)

Even then, I plan for her to mention to the beggar that once Telemachus can inherit the throne safely, she'll probably be a Naiad full time as to not get married again. So if Telemachus was killed, she'd do that.

Possibly try to get control over the island in some ways as the suitors will obviously be pissed as "where's the queen?"

When Odysseus comes it's obviously a very...hard moment for them. Odysseus obviously never got to truly meet what his son grew up to be even for that short while... :'D And they'd probably kind of do the same as the Odyssey.

Afterward though? I might rewrite some things and make it so that they're 46-47 instead of 45 when they reunite but idk for sure. An heir is needed though (and even then I do kind of plan to have them have a child afterward as holy shit, the drama??? The mixture of joy and pain each family member has???ksdl SO MUCH FUN TO THINK ABOUT. :'D )

Odysseus and Penelope, being aspec and just straight up not wanting others won't hear anything about concubines just like they did before. He does what he said before Telemachus was born: "I'm ripped up from that Boar, I am to blame. Even if I had others it's not likely. Leave us alone."

ANYWAYS!

If they can't have an heir they'd probably talk about stealing a child... Like they talked about before Telemachus happened. :P

Look, they're basically obsessed with each other and also fucked up as hell sometimes. Odysseus killed Astyanax, I think he'd steal a baby so he wouldn't have to be with any other.

Also with Odysseus' trauma from the rapes? He has PTSD and Penelope is really the only one he feels safe around with it. War PTSD is something else entirely but Penelope, the only person he's ever wanted, makes him feel safe. Her reassuring him that she loves him and doesn't blame him, is what helps him alongside time :')

They eventually have an heir but also... Telemachus is constantly on both of their minds. Especially Penelope's as she raised him. :')

[gratuiciel]

(making a new post so i don't have to scroll for days getting to the bottom of it skjdfh) @ttkinnie

hell yea i've started writing it (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠) except now it's hanma, takemichi AND naoto being dads skfjsh i just HAD to include that guy. i thought it'd make sense (somehow) for all three of them to get transported to the past after a time leap gone wrong. long story short naoto and (unconscious)takemichi got kidnapped shortly after naoto killed mikey, and izana wants to use their power to prevent shin's murder in the past. except izana's been torturing naoto while waiting for takemichi to wake up bc he's not exactly the most stable guy out there, esp after mikey's death. when he sees naoto's state, michi runs to him and tries to shake his hand so he can make sure this future never happens, but hanma (who was tasked with guarding takemichi while he was out cold) tries to stop him, and the moment the three of them come into contact they get sent to the past, in like 1998. now they have nothing left but the clothes on their back, and they'll have to start from scratch in this nostalgic era... and eventually realize their past friends are still there, but they're all baby. i think hanma and naoto would have some nice parallels, each living essentially for one person, giving away everything for them (hanma following kisaki's orders and naoto trying to save his sister) but now that person is gone and their version in this world doesn't even know they exist... the angst. plus naoto really looks like kisaki at times. he's got them cold blue-grey eyes too. i think hanma would like him (he's got a thing for short (average-sized but everyone's short to him) kings with murderous thoughts). naoto would just wanna kill him & kisaki & izana though (even though the last two are still kids. getting tortured really didn't help fix that side of him). takemichi is gonna have to handle these two absolute menaces to society now skfhdf (watch me make this a romantic comedy + found family somehow despite the fucked up setting i started out with)

i understand the need to make your special guy suffer u_u that's just how it is sometimes (my current fave guy to hit with hammers is naoto, i hope i can write some good stuff with him for the server too)

absolutely love these murder plots for kisaki (a normal sentence) especially the part where he makes takemichi watch helplessly *giggles cutely* and him jamming communications is a+ evil mastermind stuff (people being completely at a loss for what to do the moment you take away their usual technology from them is always super fun and scary to think about). mikey being used to lure the others into a trap?? hell yeah B-)

hehehe there's just something about villains being a little good and heroes being a little bad :^) it's unexpected it's exciting and it just freaking rules tbh

wakui writing tr's main antagonist and tr's main love interest: "what if they were both obsessed with takemichi, to the point where we find out that even a dozen years later they still hadn't moved on from him at all? yes perfect." (need to write ot3 fic for them eventually... either this or hina gets a gf. i have GOT to stop making her sit it out in the cuck chair when she could have two utterly dedicated and loving husbands instead)

[tinypinkmouse]

For the Behind the Scenes fic ask game, 12, 13, and 14 (if and only if you want to).

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

No, or at least I can't think of any off the top of my head. Generally if I want to write something I just start writing it. I mean, sometimes I'm trying to avoid more WIPs because I already have so many, but I'm very bad at avoiding new WIPs actually. There might be something I haven't finished yet, I suppose, but I'm also very bad at remembering which stories are all done and posted and which are still half finished so I'm not sure about that.

13. Is there a trope you wouldn’t write if it was the last trope on earth?

No. There are some I'm more unlikely to write than others, but none that I might not give a try at some point. I enjoy the challenge of writing new things, including things that are not my personal favourite tropes. I want to see how it turns out and if I can write it and do it justice.

14. If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Oh, I had to give this some thought because I had a first very immediate answer and then wasn't quite sure if that's what I should go with. So then I also considered...

Weilan seems like an easy answer, because Shen Wei could probably just get us off there anyway, or at least keep us alive if that's not a possibility. Zhao Yunlan is kind of redundant at that point (he has some surviving in the wilderness skills yeah but with Shen Wei around you don't even need more, I feel) but obviously I couldn't put Shen Wei on an island without Zhao Yunlan. But really they deserve a deserted island all of their own, without me there. So not them.

I also considered Chang Dong and Ye Liuxi. They'd surely be able to keep all three of us alive, so I wouldn't have anything to worry about. But they are so blatantly in love that while it'd be nice to see for a while, I feel after a time I'd be very bored as they just keep being very in love and content spending time with each other (this would also apply for weilan).

So, I'm actually going with what my first instinct was, and saying Han Chen and Luo Fusheng. There's some ridiculous levels of competence there so I'm sure survival will not be that much of an issue, and I think they'd both be prepared to keep me alive too. And no matter how they end up feeling about each other I can't help but think it'd be... eventful. So survival and free entertainment as I watch the two of them!

(Free bonus: stuck on a deserted island with two people speaking another language, maybe I'd finally actually learn said language.)

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

Right back at you, buddy! 3, 5, 12, 13, and 19 for the behind-the-scenes ask game :D

~ @sammys-magical-au 🫶

(Thank you, Sammy~ 😊😊😊)

3 — Do you write fics from start to finish, or jump around?

When I officially started writing fanfics, I mainly jumped around with the plot until I was satisfied with how things went in the story. And that was years and years ago. More recently, I decided to try writing from start to finish, and honestly. . .I see it as sort of a bad habit? That's not to say it can't work for other writers, but it just seems to slow me down. So, I'm trying to unlearn it and go back to my old tricks.

Like, I tend to think of climax scenes first. You know, the really dramatic/important stuff because, well, it's dramatic/important. I feel that once I get those particular details out of the way, it'll be easier for me to write other stuff around it until the story is full. Plus, that type of format allows for random ideas to pop up and potentially make things even better.

5 — What is the perfect environment for you to write in?

Typically somewhere quiet with no distractions. I take meds for my autism and ADD, but I can still be tempted to focus on other things, thus procrastinating my stories. I don't like to, it just happens, and I'm still working on it.

When the weather is nice, I love riding my bike over to the library and just writing there for a few hours (so long as some disruptive asshole doesn't waltz into the areas that are CLEARLY MARKED FOR SILENT STUDY. It happens more frequently than I care to admit, but oh well. Not the end of the world).

But if I'm really focused/dedicated to the story at hand, then I can write pretty much anywhere. Just a year ago, I tagged along on a family vacation and seriously surprised myself via writing a full story for Goretober 2023 during the several-hour-long car ride. And I didn't feel carsick once, which was practically a miracle. I'd brought one of the cool-looking notebooks I'd collected on a whim, as well as a pencil and a lap-desk thing. I totally covered the entire backseat with eraser shavings, but it was worth it!

12 — Is there a trope you haven't written yet but really want to?

Hard to say; I've written with tons of tropes—I've definitely done so without even meaning to. If you've read my stuff, then it's probably very obvious which tropes are my personal favorites, but I still try to be open to new ones.

I suppose I haven't written Talking Animals, since the stories I've been focused on are somewhat set in reality (fictional, but not Fantasy, you know?). But I always loved seeing that when I was a kid. Since a lot of my fanegos have pets, perhaps I could write a snippet from said pets' perspective? I know it technically wouldn't count as them talking, but it'd be pretty close, right?

13 — Is there a trope you wouldn't write if it was the last trope on Earth?

It's a tie between two tropes, actually: Minority Character Dies First, and The Pure and The Promiscuous.

The former is completely stupid and racist/ableist/etc., and I don't understand how or why it's still being used in some movies or books today.

The latter is more complex, since it's typically used in romantic scenarios, which I don't write very often anyway. But I still hate it because it just seems insulting to the characters. Like, I can understand the appeal of having one character teach things to an inexperienced character, but the way I've seen it handled almost always leads to the character on the receiving end being infantilized or dumbed-down. Which is bullshit, because the character deserves more depth and thought than that!

19 — Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

Maybe this is obvious, but fanegos are the easiest for me to write! True, sometimes I struggle a bit, since I want to have a balance of originality and a clear tie to the content-creator the fanego was inspired by. But otherwise, I make the rules. Canon egos also aren't too tricky for me to write; I feel like I'm pretty decent at learning/feeling a character's quirks to make that character seem authentic in fanfic settings.

One thing that's undeniably difficult for me to write is reader-inserts. No shame to those who have requested reader-insert fics from me, because I love engaging with people on here. The problem I have with it just seems to be my own self-consciousness. You already know why I tend to avoid shipping in fanfics, and I guess that also counts as a factor.

[Ask Game]

[cassiopeiaseas]

Songs that I would kill to see inspire cathartic FirstPrince fanfics

(A little ramble about songs that inspired fic ideas! New Year's fast approaches and I intend to write more next year, so maybe I'll have a proper go at these sometime. But until then, I'll let these stew here. Bonus chapter spoilers [ish?])

Photograph (Cody Fry) – Specifically as the "In February 2026, a flu sweeps through Park Slope." section of the bonus chapter. Henry-centric, one of those character deep dive type things. Henry pacing the house, thinking about all the time they've spent together over the years. Henry watching Alex in that window seat, thinking about all the man has done for him. Pure tooth-rotting fluff. Almost frustratingly sweet.

You Are Enough (Sleeping at Last) – Love love love this song and I think it'd be really nice to see it as a "It's 2025, and Henry has a bad day." fic. Specifically the end of the excerpt where Henry tells Alex "You don't have to do it, you know." Alex grappling with the idea that he doesn't always have to keep giving and giving and giving.

Je te laisserai des mots (Patrick Watson) – Typical, and this is just a personal comfort song, but since Henry knows French... I always imagine a little drabble where Alex has a bad day or he's ill or he has trouble sleeping and Henry is singing softly to him to try to help him sleep. And alright, maybe Henry isn't really the best singer but he can still hold a tune well in my heart ok

Soulmate Song (Carson James Argenna) / Run Away With Me (Ben Fankhauser) – I think these two could fall under the same premise. An AU maybe? Same forbidden romance aspect as canon, obviously, but different stakes. Alex-centric; Alex would be the one asking to run away. Very Crowley in Good Omens-esque. Very sweet, a little desperate. I would love to see them actually run away together.

Grow As We Go (Ben Platt) – I think it would make a good exploration of their relationship in terms of grief and struggle. Seeing each other at their lowest and still promising to be there, still staying, still supporting in their own ways. Maybe a 5+1 or a two chapter, one of each of them dealing with their own struggles?

Honourable mentions (aka, I can't always explain my reasoning for these, they would just make sense):

Simply The Best (Billianne)

Better Days (Dermot Kennedy)

Pointless (Lewis Capaldi)

i don't want to watch the world end with someone else (Clinton Kane)

Forever You (Dennis Van Aarssen) (Dennis is like my favourite singer ever so I might be biased but this is such a good song for them imo)

[wooahaes]

hi! (first time sending an ask so pls lmk if anyone has this emoji but-) i completely agree w/ u that writers should put a warning or smth that the fanfic will be catered to a certain body type as ive read fanfic w/o that and have felt insecure. not saying these writers are intentionally trying to make ppl feel bad, but they need to realize that sometimes their works do cater to thin/skinny body types and letting readers know that rly isnt a big deal. ty for always speaking ur truth! - 🐱 anon

hi nonny! im gonna answer all ur asks in one go <3 (no need to apologize for spamming! i had a moment of 'oh fuck did i say something wrong' but thats just anxiety brain speaking haha)

honestly! i genuinely don't mind if writers wanna intentionally write works for a thinner reader, it'd just be nice for them to write in a little warning at the beginning of the fic <3 i write chubby readers and mark 'em with chubby!reader so my audience knows, nothing wrong w doing it the other way around!

i also wanna say, i remember looking up "seventeen x chubby reader", "svt x chubby reader", or smth along those lines on tumblr but just knowing almost nothing will pop up 💔. until i saw a little fanfic called "tiger stripes" and was baffled that someone actually wrote something that had someone like me in mind. i remember feeling and being so happy about it. just thank you for your svt x chubby reader works because u make us chubby carats feel so seen 🫶🏼 - 🐱 anon

aaaa ty lovely!! im a chubby gal myself so i love writing chubby!reader fics from time to time when inspiration strikes <3 usually i try to keep everything body neutral so that anyone can enjoy my fics (even in my chubby reader fics, i try not to specify how big reader is so that anyone bigger can enjoy them), but sometimes i just gotta aim something for the chubby gals out there <3 tiger stripes is one of my most beloved fics and it genuinely makes me happy to think of my own stretch marks as tiger stripes hehe <3

ah anyway !! hope im not a bother w/ my asks !! i just wanted to tell u this despite my shyness bc idk, i rly feel like u needed to hear it 🙏🏼 anyway, i also wanna add ur a rly good writer and keep on doing what ur doing 👍🏼 - 🐱 anon

u are 100000% fine!! i love talking to anons and ur always welcome to pop into my inbox whenever you feel like it <3 + it does always help to hear that other chubby carats enjoy my work!! mwah mwah ur so sweet

tw fatphobia mentions (nothing explicitly fatphobic tho) // omg though.. i remember finding this [redacted] x reader fic and bc it appeared under the [removed] tag (smth like that) and i assumed that it was catered to fat ppl. but unfortunately it turned out to be incredibly fatphobic w/ it's themes, plot, + y/n. im not saying u have to be fat to write "x fat reader" fanfic but perhaps step away from writing for ppl u have no understanding of if ur gna write stuff like that.. - 🐱 anon

redacting the guy + the tag from your ask purely to try and avoid anyone tracking down the writer by any means! i trust my followers to not do something like that, but i'd feel better reducing that risk in any way <3

oh yikes! i think like... its worth it to sometimes address fatphobia in writing, but that kind of stuff 100% needs a warning! one of my current fic ideas involves a reader who is confident in her body but kinda relapses back to a previous mindset of 'maybe i Should be ashamed of it' after being fully insulted for being a bigger gal and the fic would absolutely have a warning.

i do agree that you def do not have to be a bigger person to write chubby/fat reader fics, but its definitely something you need to be mindful of when you wanna handle the heavier topics. im always happy to weigh in with my own thoughts + experiences, and im sure other people would be, too! no shame in trying to address it in themes/plot, but there's def a difference between endorsing those ideas and discussing them (and i'll say i have no idea which was being done in this fic)

(btw: no one go looking for this writer to say anything to them btw, we do not promote harassment on this blog--anon ur 100% fine to express ur opinions since i've seen fatphobia in reader fics, too, and it's okay to express discomfort with the idea. i'm always open to discussing things as long as they don't point too directly to anyone's work--and i'm equally open to taking down anything that pinpoints a certain writer.)

anyway ur 100% fine to send as many asks as u want!! im always happy to talk to people esp abt topics like this (or in general too!) <3 ty for being polite tho mwah mwah ur v cute

[country-wizard]

Expression and Desires

Lately I have been feeling a sort of way

I tried on my mother's bra

I pictured it like how a boy would try on his

Mom's clothes

I don't wear bras haven't in a long time

Always sports

Mom has the weird wire ones

I didn't hate what I saw

Not in a urge or desire to transition

Back to a woman

But more of a never thought I could look 

Like that

They didn't quite fit right 

It wasn't to big but it wasn't to small

Some weird in-between 

Though I guess I don't really know how bras

Are meant to fit in the first place

Lately I found myself wearing 1 of her tank tops

Originally for a party under my button up

But also because I like how it looks

The word in my head when i see myself

In the mirror in that tank top

Butch

I wouldn't describe myself as butch any other time

I have never identified myself as 

A women who is more traditionally

Masculine

Though I used to be called a tomboy

It's a nice word but doesn't describe me

I wouldn't even feel comfortable using it if It did

I don't feel like a woman 

I don't want to be a woman 

Yet lately when I picture myself in that

tank top

Or

 wire bra 

I see a part of me I've never seen before

A hint of something I've always wanted

Femininity 

I wore an outfit once 

Tank top, sweater, and  jeans and then  i had a crisis 

I saw a person dressed masculine

Regretted dressing like that 

It was a cute outfit though and I sometimes

Think back to it

I've worn dresses I think they're rather 

Nice pretty even

They look weird on me

Sometimes I want to wear them though

I can't they look weird

I become a woman

Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror

Before I shower 

Naked completely bare

I cup my hands over my chest and try to

Flatten it with my hands

I think about the days it'll be gone 

In bed late at night I think about having a 

Dick

I'll never have one even though I wouldn't complain

I wish it could be like my fantasies as a kid

I could have my parts and a dick 

My chest could go from flat to busty in a matter of seconds 

It will never happen

I read a lot of fanfiction

Written by queers who write queers

The amount of porn I've read with people

Bodies similar to mine yet so different

Farther along in journeys

They make me feel like I can be loved

Lately though they've been making me question

I've seen a lot of art with trans characters 

With boobs and all 

Men or not 

It makes me wonder if I can be similar 

Can i still be viewed as me with a chest of meat

They make me believe so

Yet the urge to rid of them is overpowering

Sometimes I don't want to read fics

With others like me 

2 cis men 

Not out of some sexual fantasy 

But to dream 

I align so much with masculinity

It's hard to picture me in anything but

It's why I don't align with those whom love woman 

The way other queer woman do

Or nonbinary folk who love woman

But instead I find myself drawn to men 

The desire to be a man with another 

It's one of my reasons I wish things were a bit different down there

Even though I don't truly want to become a man

Perhaps

Definitely

I don't think I'll ever know gender is weird

I don't feel like a man or a woman But sometimes

I wish I could be one 

It'd be so easy so simple 

I wish I could shape shift my body 

Not of a change of gender but a change of appearance

It makes me dysphoric when I do it with clothes 

I like how I dress I just want the anatomy to be different 

Sometimes I want the clothes though 

To feel pretty and/or handsome 

Like lace under a suit 

They should make boxers with lace hem

It'd be funny and I'd be their #1 buyer

Everything looks weird on me though

Nothing fits my shape

Yet sometimes I think on skirts

And suit pants 

I think I would like lace under suits almost as if a little surprise

A treat for my eyes not to be sexy 

But to scratch an itch I have

To satisfy a feeling 

I wish I lived alone 

Owned a wire bra

To feel like a boy wearing his Mom's dress

When she isn't home 

To wear it around my house feeling odd

Alone with nobody to judge 

Not a feeling of discomfort or happiness

But something else 

Un-word-able 

When I live alone 

I'll wear my wire bra and I'll wear my packer 

And I'll sit and feel weird 

Not bad 

Just weird

It's like pain something I can't describe 

When I get top surgery 

I'll wear my packer and my inserts for my wire bra

And I'll think 

This is just like my fantasies