#tutorials™

[the-most-humble-blog]

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🧟‍♂️ HATE TO BURST YOUR ZOMBIE-HORDING BUBBLE (But in real life? Y’all wouldn’t be fighting zombies. You’d be laughing while smoking ‘em.)

I know. You’ve got it all planned out. Your Zombieland fantasy. Your Walking Dead cosplay lifestyle. You think when it all goes to hell, you'll become Daryl Dixon overnight with a crossbow, fingerless gloves, and a stone-cold thousand-yard stare while a horde of the undead moans outside your fortified Bass Pro Shop.

You think the power grid collapses, the government falls, and you're out here eating canned beans off a bayonet while fighting off literal corpses in a trench coat made of riot gear.

Sounds cute.

But here’s the truth: Real humans? Are good at killing. Like, insanely good at killing.

If zombies were real?

They wouldn't overrun us. We'd annihilate them so fast it’d make a wildlife conservationist cry.

🔪 REALITY CHECK #1: HUMANS ARE SERIAL KILLERS WITH A CONSCIENCE We’ve survived wolves, tigers, plagues, warlords, each other, and countless extinction events.

We built religions, bombs, and air fryers. We survived the Ice Age without pants. You think a moaning meth-head with half a jaw is going to end civilization?

Please.

If anything, humans would treat zombies like pests.

Neighborhood watch groups would turn into hunting parties. Suburbs would form kill leagues. TikTok would be flooded with #ZombTok tutorials for machete sharpening and viral trends like “How I cleared my HOA of 47 rotters in under 2 minutes.”

🔫 REALITY CHECK #2: MODERN MILITARY + 72 HOURS = GENOCIDE Let’s do the math.

Even at modest mobilization, the U.S. military has:

1.2 million active-duty troops

393 million civilian-owned firearms

6,500+ main battle tanks

Drones that can see your heat signature from space

And bunker-crushing MOABs that can turn an entire infected city block into glass.

You're telling me slow, unarmed, rotting pedestrians are going to outmaneuver trained sociopaths with night vision and air support?

Zombies wouldn’t even make it to Day 4.

🧠 REALITY CHECK #3: ZOMBIES HAVE SHIT TACTICS Let’s break down zombie strategy:

Moan

Walk toward sound

Bite if lucky

That’s it.

No stealth. No camouflage. No coordinated attacks. Just moist gurgling in traffic.

In real life, they’d be sniped, burned, tased, trapped, dumped into pits, run over, and exploited for sport within the first 48 hours.

We’d have entire YouTube channels dedicated to zombie obliteration ASMR. Merch drops. Fan cams. Season passes.

They wouldn't be "winning." They’d be streamed in 4K and monetized to death.

🏹 REALITY CHECK #4: REDNECKS, MILITIA DADS, AND DIY PSYCHOS WOULD GET BORED Every town’s got at least one guy who owns 19 guns “for raccoons,” built a bunker “just in case,” and jerks off to Joe Rogan podcasts.

You really think he’s not ready?

That dude would have the entire county cleared by breakfast and still be asking:

“So uh… when does the real war start?”

And don’t even get me started on rural communities. They’d treat the apocalypse like a church barbecue with kill scores.

🧬 OBSCURE, HORRIFYINGLY TRUE FACTS:

Genghis Khan’s forces wiped out 11% of the global population with horses, bows, and zero antibiotics.

Ants have been known to build bridges out of their dead. Humans? We built civilizations out of stacked skulls.

The average human has enough jaw strength to bite off a finger— but won’t, because society told us not to. Take away the rules? You think we won't bite back?

☣️ THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE YOU ENVISION = THE SHORTEST MASSACRE IN HISTORY Zombies wouldn’t last long enough for a plot twist. They’d be rounded up like cattle, studied, and pit-fought for betting apps.

There’d be sponsorship deals. Limited-edition zombie sneakers. Fashion lines called “Rot Couture.”

Half of Hollywood would star in zombie hunting reality shows before the midterms. Netflix would greenlight 13 documentaries and a prequel drama.

You’d be scrolling Twitter in a recliner while the last pack of infected gets bulldozed by a retired oil tycoon on Twitch.

🩸 SO WHY DO WE LOVE ZOMBIES? Because they give us permission to fantasize about clean violence. No guilt. No consequences. Just mowing down monsters that used to be your boss.

But in real life? You wouldn't be scared. You’d be desensitized by lunch.

The real horror isn't the undead. It's how efficient we are at erasing them.

🧃 TL;DR?

You want a zombie apocalypse because deep down, you want an excuse to unleash the part of yourself society made you leash.

But sorry to burst your fantasy: it wouldn’t be survival. It would be slaughter.

And humans? We’d be too good at it.

So good that by Week Two, we’d be lobbying Congress to put zombies on an endangered species list.

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📦 This post—and other brutal truth payloads—will join the vault soon. Because some fantasies need to be corrected with statistical violence and sociological fire.

The Patreon archive awaits. You're welcome.

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[kristiliqua]

some ultrakill fans flaming people for playing on lenient/harmless is so funny to me because here i am in my little corner playing on harmless with Also 100% damage reduction (in major assist settings) because my severe anxiety cannot handle the idea of me taking any damage at all . i am wearing my propeller hat and eating my lollipop and i am having fun :3 (and maybe one day i can ease that anxiety and play without major assists)

[sisselkalle]

not what i should be doing at the moment but i'm halfway through extracting ffcc:re's sound effect files

only got voice files to go through after this

[b4kuch1n]

Your swsh art always makes me want to replay the game because i love it and its my favorite pokemon game and every time i play another pokemon game i think of it how i miss certain elements from swsh. Then i boot up the game and im once again caught in the 1 hour 40 minutes hand held intro and im like ah- now i remember why i have been playing other pokemon games instead of this one. Happy (late?) birthday!

you don't want to listen to hop? you don't want to hear him teach you about type matchups? you don't wanna let him cheer u on...? 🥺 waa....?

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 9, day 7

I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET, BITCHEEEEEEESSSSSS

Gonna add grass and trees and I think a chair to the balcony before we're done :D

[voidimp]

TRAIN 2.0 (NOW WITH THE FRONT IN THE FRONT)

[casquinha--mista]

I HATE HAVING A NEW OBSESSION AND NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT TO MY FRIENDS BC THEY DON'T CARE/LIKE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[solidwater05]

You art is soo good

How do you render oh my word I can stare at your pieces for hours

Aa thanks!

For rendering I use, uh what was it called... "pen (fade)". It's an IbisPaint brush. No more than 30% opacity usually. I use it because it has a very slight grain and smooth edges, so you'll probably find something similar enough in other apps

I color everything with a base color, each color gets its own layer, every layer gets opacity-locked. Yup, every color is shaded in its own single layer

I figure out roughly where I want my light source to be, and pick a darker, bluer and more saturated shade of my base color. With that color I go over the place I want to shade until I like how it looks

Then the part that actually matters is that I color-pick a shade between the shadow and the base color, and go over the middle with it. Then I color-pick a shade between this new color and the shadow, blend it, and do the same for the side with the base color. Over and over until it's smooth.

The initial shadow will be a lot lighter now because it was blended so much, I just pick a darker color and repeat the process. I like to have a lot of contrast between my light and shadow so I tend to do this step a lot, especially if I'm shading metal or hair because I like to ignore how light works in favor of aesthetics

I'd say a big part of how I shade comes from focusing on shape and contrast. I also have no idea how to do cel shading so everything is blended. Note that when I say blended I mean "painstakingly color-picked to hell and back" and not "made with blending tool", the blending tool is too smooth for my taste

The lighting is the same except that the color I start with will be lighter, redder and less saturated than the base. I also like to use very light colors without a lot of blending for like, thin lines next to the outline if that area is very illuminated. Makes it look shiny

During the process I adjust colors however I see fit, I treat base colors as a suggestion rather than a guideline.

After rendering everything I add a lot of filter layers. Multiply to accentuate shadows, add to accentuate strong highlights (it's VERY [very] strong, so I only use it for very shiny things), overlay with blue or purple for the shadows and some warm color that fits the drawing for the highlights. Overlay layers will [will] change the color of the drawing. Again, base colors are merely suggestions. All these layers are at low opacity because wow they're strong.

I color the lineart with a color a bit darker than the darkest color in the area, same deal as the shadows to pick it. Except for when there's a strong highlight right besides the lineart, then I color it (almost) the same because lighter lineart makes things look bigger and it accentuates the highlight

And after all that I apply low intensity chromatic aberration and noise filters

I hope this makes sense!

[shadowoffandoms]

learning through osmosis Kris’ panic attack at one of the game I need it NOWWWWW

[the-beard-of-edward-teach]

i want to paint so badly but idk what i'd paint

[wickedhawtwexler]

my "interview" was a 3 minute long phone screening lmao but i guess everything looks good and i'm moving on in the interviewing process so yay!!!

[asmuchasidliketo]

The bottom ones are also potentially bad news for any other planets in our solar system that have been counting on Earth having a stable orbit.

[existennialmemes]

Please be patient. I'm trying very hard to be A Person™ but it's really difficult for me, and I'm not particularly good at it. There was no tutorial and the rules seem wildly inconsistent.

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 8, day 21

I did many a thing today :D

[powderrblue]

I had a really good teacher literally everyone loved Miss B and I’m so fr when I say I’d bet money that she changed the life of 97% of my class

ohhhh okay that helps a lot. i can see that

[the-shellby-corp]

Be careful this representative looks fragile! Hahaha. It's always great to see new Shelby's being made even if Hasbro won't, and what a beautiful one this is at that 🥰

Here is my Faux Furby Shelby tutorial!

If you see any errors or confusing parts, feel free to reach out and I'll do my best to fix them- it's on a Google doc so changes can be made

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gw7i56tNeXvI0CiRNqigvJm1wM2KDVcgzlitKILO99Q/edit?usp=drivesdk

This was a ton of fun to do and I can't wait to see all of your wonderful creations!