#typical airport love confessions?

[boldlyvoid]

I Can See You | Part Two

18+ Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader | Part One

Summary: While away in California working on a case, Aaron needs his Media Liaison's help. When she gets there, she realizes that being in the field is a lot harder than she ever imagined... she leans on Aaron for support so much that when they get home, their relationship is so different from when she left.

Warnings: Canon Typical Violence (case involving rape and murder) flirting, falling in love, emotional heart-to-heart chats, car sex, public sex, angst, miss understandings. love confessions. making love, unprotected sex, creampies, dirty talk

a/n: thank you @hotchsdoormat for making this post and giving me an idea for this one <;3

word count: 9.1k

Facilities management gets her office completely cleaned out by the end of shift on Friday, they turn the phone in that room back on and set it to her extension. They get a nameplate for her door and slide it into place and then the room is officially hers. 

She sits down at her new desk with a sigh. It smells like paper and dust, the shelves are empty, and it lacks character. She’s requested new, more natural lights, but she knows that changing the fluorescents from blue to yellow is still going to give her a headache. She asked for her own fax machine and this weekend she has to clear out the filing cabinet in order to reorganize it with updated cases. She’s going to have her hands full but that’s good.

Maybe keeping busy will keep her mind off Aaron Hotchner and all the amazing sex she’s been having with him. 

She thinks about him all the way home, in bed before she goes to sleep and even when she wakes up early on Saturday. She makes her way back to the office, it’s only Anderson, a couple of the assistants and herself that are in. She can’t pass Aaron’s office without thinking about how intense her orgasm on his desk was… but she makes it to her own desk with a sigh. 

She’s sitting for maybe 30 seconds when the phone rings. “Agent Y/L/N.” 

“How fast can you be in California?” Aaron asks. “I need you here.” 

“Oh, why?” She can’t help but smile. 

“JJ and Kate are interviewing all the women so that they feel safer and more comfortable but with JJ busy I don’t have anyone here who can speak with the reporters and the Colleges PR people,” he explains. “I really need you here.”

“Uh, yeah, I can come… get Penelope to find me the best ticket out there and I can be at the airport within the hour.” 

“Thank you,” he says with a sigh of relief. “Text me when you get there, let me know when you’re on your way and when you land. I want to know you’re safe.” 

His voice is soft and quiet, he might be alone or at least not around the main team. She loves this voice, he’s so sweet with her sometimes it makes her melt.

“I will,” she smiles. “i’ll see you then.” 

“Bye,” he says before he hangs up. And then he’s gone. 

She brought her go bag home with her last night, repacked it with better outfits and cuter underwear and brought it back to the office with her. This was the last thing she expected when she packed it. She grabs it and her tablet, she has her phone and records an away message for her office phone before she heads out of her office. 

“Anderson,” she calls, getting his attention. “I’m headed to California to help with the media frenzy, I don’t know when I’ll be back. Can you make sure that everything that’s faxed to me gets filed and organized and left on my desk?” 

“Absolutely, have fun,” he says with a roll of his eyes, knowing she’s going to be stressed out more than anything. 

“Can you drive me to the airport?” She asks. 

“I can, I’ll meet you in the garage in 5.” 

She heads right down to Penelope's office and knocks gently before entering. “Did hotch call?” 

“He did, I have your boarding pass here,” she says, reaching to the printer and pulling the paper out as it finishes printing. “This is your fist away case, isn’t it.” 

She nods, “any advice?” 

“Take a moment to yourself whenever you can. It’ll get overwhelming and seeing the horror upfront will suck, so, maybe take this,” Penelope explains, looking through all her little gadgets and toys, she finally picks a little pink unicorn with a clip on it. She reaches out and clips it right onto her go bag. “She’ll keep you company.” 

“Thank you,” she does genuinely appreciate it. 

“The plane leaves in an hour and 45 minutes, I called ahead and said you’re a federal agent and It’s imperative that you make this flight even though you’ll be there in the middle of boarding and they will hold the plane as long as they can for you, so you better skedaddle,” she explains. “Go on, boss lady.” 

“Okay, okay,” she laughs, “I’m going, I’ll probably talk to you later!” 

And with that, she’s gone. Anderson drives her to the airport, she texts Hotch from the car and when she arrives at Ronald Reagan National Airport a half hour later. She still has an hour to spare before taking off, the staff are all incredibly kind to her and she’s handed some complimentary snacks and water at her seat. 

It takes 5 and a half hours for them to fly all the way across the county. She’s on her phone the second she de-boards the plane, she’s about to text Aaron to say she’s arrived when she looks up at the gate and see’s him.

“Hey,” she swoons, she can’t believe he’s there to pick her up. 

“Hi,” he opens his arms and she gladly hugs him. “Garcia told me when you’d be landing and I wasn’t about to let you take another taxi to work.”

She just holds him tighter, appreciating how he smells and how strong he is, she sighs as she pulls back. “I don’t mind… but I’m glad you’re here.” 

He reaches out for her bag, offering to carry it to the car for her. “We’ve got to get back to the precinct. We have a lot to go over, the media is already catching on to this being the second college rape and murder, we need to figure out a way to break the story without causing panic,” he explains as they weasel through the airport traffic, towards his car. 

“I had some time on the plane, I’ve drafted a press release I just need you and the team to approve it and I’m going to send each of the colleges our profile so they can put it on their websites,” she explains. “Who do you want going in front of the cameras?” 

“We can do it together,” he suggests. 

His SUV is parked out front, the lights still going so that he doesn’t get a ticket, he opens the door for her first and then the second door on the passenger side. He puts her bag behind her seat and shuts the door at the same time she shuts her own. He rushes over to the driver's side and gets in quickly, he fastens his seatbelt and keeps the lights on so he can rush out with traffic as fast as possible. 

“You passed your weapons qualifications, right?” He asks, unable to remember off the top of his head. 

“I have… but I don’t carry a weapon.” 

He sighs, “I’m going to give you my second gun when we arrive, I need you to protect yourself. Once we put you on the news you could become one of his targets.” 

“Are you serious?” 

“Unfortunately, you’re around his age preference and you’re beautiful, he’s going to be upset hearing the words you use to describe him to the world and he could lash out,” he explains. 

“Do you keep a second gun in your bag or something?” She asks, having no idea he even had one. 

He smirks, “No, I keep it holstered to my ankle. It’s discreet in case I’m in a situation where they’ve taken my weapon and haven’t patted me down, or when I’ve had my Glock knocked out of my hand. I like to be prepared.” 

“God, you’re so hot,” she says under her voice, shaking her head slightly. 

He laughs, “if you say so.” 

“Aaron,” she can’t believe he doesn’t think he’s hot. “You’ve gotta know you’re one of the most handsome men on earth, I mean come on?” 

He blushes, “I don’t have terrible self-esteem, but I’m also not full of myself.” 

“I’m sure as hell not full of you right now, either, but I still think you’re hot,” she teases. 

He laughs, reaching over he places his hand on her thigh, “You’ll be full of me soon enough, sweet thing. We just have to finish this case, first.” 

“They’re going to catch on,” she reminds him. “We have to be careful.” 

“Even if they figure it out, they won’t say anything unless I bring it up first. They’re still pretty respectful,” he assures her. “But I think we can keep it a secret a while longer.” 

“I hope so, 'cause this is fun.” 

“You think so?” 

“I really do,” she smiles at him. She takes ahold of his hand, interlocking their fingers, appreciating this little amount of affection before they arrive and have to act professionally again. 

—

She goes on national TV at 6pm with Aaron by her side while the rest of the team delivers the profile to the local cops. She’s nervous, but she gets through it without a stutter and she even answers a few reporter's questions. They expect the unsub to see the new reports and act out, either by killing again or by sending them a taunt. Either way, it’s going to be an interesting night. 

They get dinner as a team, enjoying takeout in the back room of the UC Davis police department, and she feels like she made it. When she joined the FBI she always wanted to see some action, she wanted to help in a real way and now she was getting her chance. She reviews the case with them, she gets to help Spencer organize the murder board and she even gets to put in her two cents about who she thinks this guy is. The team is proud of her, they praise her contributions and pat her on the back for a job well done with the media. 

The only hard part is seeing all the gore. The photos of the two dead girls are hard to look at, and the rape kit photos of the other 4 girls are even harder to see. They have to live with this for the rest of their lives… all of them are in the police station, too, all waiting for this to be over. They have 4 cots set up, and a police officer sat outside of the room at all times. They’re as protected as can be now, but not when it would’ve counted. It breaks her heart. 

By the time it hits 11pm, nothing has happened, everyone is tired because it’s 2 in the morning back in D.C. so Aaron calls it, “Let's head back to the hotel, they’ll call us if anything happens.” 

“Sounds good,” Derek is the first to agree. 

They all head out to the parking lot, splitting up to ride in two separate SUVs, she sits behind Aaron's seat because of course she’d want to ride with him but she’s not important enough to call shotgun. Spencer’s sitting beside him, tired and quiet, and JJ is beside her. Derek, Kate and Rossi are in the other SUV, just behind them. 

“Do we have another hotel for Y/N?” JJ asks. 

“I called the hotel and had my room switched to a double queen,” Aaron announces. “I thought it would be easier this way, now the bureau won’t get mad at us for changing another $400 to the credit card.” 

It doesn’t look that weird either, with JJ sharing with Kate, Derek sharing with Spencer and the leaders normally alone, partnering with Hotch isn’t too suspicious. She wonders if it’s even true, if he switched the rooms to have two beds or if that’s just what he’s telling people. Either way, they’ll probably end up sleeping in just the one. 

“Smart thinking,” JJ praises him. “I hope you don’t mind his snoring.” 

Y/N laughs, “I’m used to it— my ex snored a lot. Like so bad we took him to get a sleep study done to see if he had sleep apnea or something? But he didn’t, he just snored like mad. It was annoying,” she quickly makes up a story. Covering for the fact she’s already slept beside Hotch before, she heard his snoring. She didn’t mind it, she actually found it cute. But JJ didn’t need to know that.” 

“If you were still with him I’d suggest mouth taping,” Spencer suggests. “I’ve been reading studies about it, apparently it works.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind if I see another dude who snores, thanks.” 

“No problem,” Spencer says with a smile. 

It doesn’t take long for them to arrive, they park, grab their bags and all head inside. Y/N and Aaron head over to the main desk to switch room keys and the others head on up to their floor. The teams on floor 3, Y/N and Aaron on the other hand, they’re on floor 6. It was the only double queen that was available. 

They head to their room quickly, she’s actually exhausted and ready to sleep even if they were joking earlier about having sex again. And if she’s being honest… she’s a little too sad to do anything tonight. 

He opens the door for them, lets her inside and she places her bag right down on the closest mattress. She sighs as she undoes the zip and searches for her sleep shirt. 

“You tired?” Aaron asks. 

She nods, placing her shirt on the bed, she kicks off her shoes and starts to undress. “I’m so ready to go to sleep.” 

Aaron places his bag down on the other bed, also searching for something to wear but he turns back to her just in time to see her take her shirt off. He smiles at her, she’s just in normal underwear this time, nothing too fancy and cute because she didn’t expect to see him today. “You’re beautiful.” 

She can’t help but smile, “Thanks…” She tosses on her sleep shirt and takes her bra off from inside the shirt. She unclips the back, slips it off both arms and then pulls it out from under, putting it into her bag right away. She pushes her skirt down, takes off her nylons and shoves them in the bag too. 

Once she’s done changing, she grabs her makeup bag and heads into the bathroom to take off all her makeup. Aaron shows up beside her, in just his boxers and a shirt as well, ready to brush his teeth for the night. They get ready for bed silently, both clearly exhausted. He finishes brushing his teeth and watches as she takes off her makeup and applies her nighttime moisturizer, mesmerized by her beauty, he smiles at her through the mirror. 

“did you want to sleep with me?” 

“Like sex?” 

He laughs, “No, I mean do you want to sleep beside me?” 

“Oh, yeah, I’d like that… but I’m not in the mood at all after everything today.”

“Understandable,” he wraps his arm around her and rests his chin on her shoulder, staring at her through the mirror still. “You did a wonderful job today.” 

“Thank you,” she leans into him with a sigh. “can we go to bed now?” 

“Yeah, come on,” he takes her by the hand and walks with her back to the room. “Pick a bed.” 

She picks the one closer to the window, gets in on her normal side and lays back against the pillow. Aaron takes a moment to plug in his phone, moves his bag over to their spare bed and then he turns off the lights. He gets into bed beside her and snuggles in real close, resting his cheek on her chest and his arm slung around her stomach. 

“I’m really glad you’re here,” he whispers. “I slept like a baby on Thursday night.” 

“I know, I did too, I didn’t even hear you leave…”

“I’m sorry about that,” he apologizes again. “I had to be there when Jack woke up 'cause Jess had an early morning meeting with her boss, I kissed you before I left but you didn’t even stir.” 

Her heart melts at the thought of him kissing before slipping out, they had such a wonderful night that night, it’s hard to believe it was even real. “Hey, you’re a good dad. I’m never going to get upset with you for wanting to spend time with your son. I bet he’s incredible, too.” 

“He is, he’s doing this summer gifted program and at the end, he’ll have a certificate that he can put in his college applications, he wants to be an engineer,” he shares, pride just spilling out of him. “He’s so amazing.” 

“He gets it from his dad,” she teases. 

“It’s his mom's side, Haley was always good with science and math, her sister Jess is a computer engineer, and their mom was a nurse for 50 years,” he shares. He’s never opened up like this before. 

“What did your parents do?” She asks, taking advantage of how soft and honest he is late at night, she wants to know all about him. 

“My mom stayed at home with us and took care of the house, my dad was a defence attorney. He was good at telling a lie.”

“Oh,” she can tell there’s issues there. “And you have a brother, right?” 

He nods, “Same dad, different moms, but my mom raised him. My dad got his assistant pregnant and she was going to give the baby up so my dad convinced her to let us keep him.” 

“Wow… that’s intense.” 

He just sighs, “Yeah, it sucked being related to him.” 

“I’m sorry—

“No, no, you don’t have to be, it’s been a long time since he died, I’m not haunted by him or anything, I’m good with where I’m at in life… but you, you’ve never told me why you joined the FBI, or really anything personal?”

“There’s not really much to tell. I went to college and got a degree in criminal justice and took media and communications for fun and then applied to the academy and somehow made it to your team. I guess I’m just lucky,” she shrugs, not thinking too much of it. 

“Your grades were amazing and you were in the top 5 of your class at the academy, it certainly wasn’t luck,” he assures her. “You were the best pick for the team, Cruz was so excited to add you after he saw your application. We were severely lacking without a communications liaison, having you on the team has been so nice… and not just because we’re sleeping together.”

She laughs, “This is a bonus.” 

He sits up slightly to look at her in the darkness, “I think you were right before… about me being lonely. I didn’t realize how much I missed this.” 

She leans in and captures his lips against her own, sharing a sweet kiss with him. “I’m glad you did something about it. I thought with your job, with how often you see power dynamics gone wrong, you would never sleep with a younger co-worker.” 

“I didn’t think I would either,” he admits. He rests his head back down on her, caressing his cheek along her shirt. “It's not because you’re younger that I like you… I can’t even really place why I do. I don’t want to sound crazy, but something more powerful than your looks or your age drew me in. You’re so smart, you’re incredibly kind. This just feels right, doesn’t it?” 

“Aaron Hotchner, don’t make me cry,” she tries to make a joke or else she really will cry. 

“Sorry, I just hope you know this isn’t just a fling. I’m not going to get what I want and toss you aside. I thoroughly enjoy your company, if I met you anywhere else, I’d still want to be with you. It’s just tough when I’m your boss and you’re my employee. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t have asked to keep this a secret. I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed or hiding you. I just want to keep this as pure and just between us as possible. If I file the paperwork and we make it known with Cruz, then Penelope will see it in the file, and she’ll tell Derek and you know how they are. They teased you because I was careless and left a mark where they could see. I don’t want you to go through that. I don’t want people to think you’re doing better than them just because we have sex. I don’t want anyone to diminish your work simply because you’re close to me.” 

“The fact that you care, like genuinely, wholeheartedly care, means a lot. Not a lot of men would think this far ahead or want to protect their mistress,” she hates to use the word, but that’s how she feels. “I know I’m special to you and to this team… and it feels so good to know that. It’s all I wanted for so long, I have tried so hard to be good at everything I do, I try too hard sometimes. It feels so wonderful to know I’m appreciated for my hard work.” 

“you’re not my mistress,” he says, rolling onto his back and pulling her over to cuddle into him instead. “I’d have to have a wife for that.” 

She wants to ask what they are then. But she can’t bring the words to her mouth, they stay in her mind, rattling around and wreaking havoc. “Still, thank you.” 

He kisses the top of her head, resting his lips there longer than she thought he would. He runs his hand up and down her back in a gentle motion, soothing her. “You’re welcome.” 

He’s so warm and delicate with his touches, it makes her even sleepier. Her eyes get heavy to the point she can’t keep them open anymore, and before she knows it, she’s sound asleep against his chest. She twitches a few times as she falls deeper, her breathing changes, and she gets heavier, too. 

He knows she’s asleep now. Knows she can’t hear him. So he says it. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart… I love you.” 

—

Neither one of them set an alarm last night before bed. So, at 7:30am, someone knocks on their hotel door. They’re cuddled into each other, spooning, facing the window when Aaron hears it. He’s quick to rub his eyes and get out of bed, heading towards the door. He squints as he looks through the peephole to see Spencer, fully dressed and ready for the day. 

“Did something happen?” 

Spencer looks at him and then into the room to see Y/N sound asleep in her bed… but the other bed hasn’t been slept in. Not a crease to be found on the comforter, his eyes go wide but he keeps this newfound revelation to himself. “Uh, yeah, it’s almost 10 in Virginia, Penelope got a CODIS match on a set of fingerprints we picked up at the last murder, the guy's name is Michael Hawthorn, we’re just waiting on warrants to go through the courts. We’re supposed to meet with the state police in 45 minutes about it all.”

“Shit,” Aaron realizes they’ve slept in, “okay, you all can head in with Derek, Y/N and I will be leaving in a few minutes.” 

“Sounds good…” 

“Don’t,” Aaron points at him. “It’s not what it looks like. She was having a hard time dealing with guilt after speaking with the victims yesterday, I offered her some comfort, and we fell asleep in the same bed. Nothing more.” 

“Okay,” Spencer takes his word for it. “I’ll keep this between us… just be glad it was me who drew the short straw to come up and get you.” 

“Thank you, Reid,” he gives him a small smile. “Seriously, we’ll be leaving shortly.” 

She wakes up to all the talking, she sits up and rubs her eyes just as Aaron closes the door again, “what’s going on?” 

“We never set an alarm,” he simplifies it. “The team is headed to the precinct right now, they have a CODIS match on a fingerprint.” 

“Oh, shit, okay,” she gets out of bed quickly and grabs her bag, “can I use the bathroom first?” 

“Go for it,” he doesn’t mind, heading into his own go bag to get ready for the day. 

He wears the same suit pants and jacket, he gets a new dress shirt and tie from his bag and quickly puts it all on. He adds deodorant and a little cologne, he combs his hair and waits for the bathroom to be free again so he can brush his teeth. He holsters his gun to his belt last and checks his pocket to make sure he still has his wallet, badge and cuffs on his person. 

When she comes out, she’s in a pants suit as well, his gun holstered to her hip and everything. She looks amazing. He looks her up and down quickly, wishing they had more time so he could properly show he how much he likes this outfit, but they don’t. “Wow…” 

“Oh, hush,” she says with a smile, clearly appreciative. “Finish getting ready, I’m going to head downstairs and get us some coffee from the continental breakfast and I’ll meet you by the car.” 

She goes to walk by him but he stops her, pulling her in by her suit jacket until their chests touch, he takes her jaw in his hand and directs her attention to his eyes. “If I don’t get a chance to tell you again today, just know I think you’re beautiful.” 

He leans in and kisses her, too. She pulls away with a smile, she’s never kissed him with 2 days of scruff on his face, before, so it tickles her upper lip. “Go finish getting ready, the faster we get this guy, the faster we can go home and spend some time together…” 

“Okay,” he agrees but steals one last kiss, he lightly smacks her ass as she starts to walk away, “I’m going to show you what this little number does to me when we get home.” 

She just laughs, “Oh, I can’t wait… but we have a killer to catch, so chop-chop.” She grabs her bags and heads out after that. 

He’s quick to brush his teeth, check himself in the mirror and then he’s out too, barely 5 minutes behind her. He rushes down to the car, only to see Y/N has dropped her bags and the coffee, she’s got someone at gunpoint beside the car.

He drops his bag too, raising his go as he makes his way closer. “What’s going on?” 

“It’s the college rapist,” she says through gritted teeth. “I know those eyes from the drawing. He was waiting here by the car, he—

“I just wanted to ask for your number, you’re pretty!” The guy cuts her off, hands in the air, he looks scared. “I’m not a rapist!” 

“What’s your name?” Aaron asks. 

“Mike!”

“Mike what?” He asks again, getting closer and lowering his weapon so the man trusts him a bit. 

“Michael Hawthorn,” he states his full name. “I promise, I was just walking to my own car, thought she looked pretty, that’s all man.” 

He knows he’s lying. He knows this is the man the team is currently looking for. Maybe sleeping in was a good thing. Giving Y/N his second gun was even better. He can’t believe she recognized his eyes from the sketch of the unsub. She was quick to draw her gun, quick to defend herself, too. 

Aaron drops his gun, reaches out for the guy and gives him a fake smile, “I get it…” and then he has him pinned to the SUV and starts to cuff him. “But, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me any further?” 

“I didn’t do anything!!” 

“Call Morgan,” he says to Y/N, “tell him we have Michael Hawthorn in custody.” 

“Aaron… we don’t have enough evidence,” she worries, holstering her gun again. 

“We do. That CODIS match that Penelope got this morning, the fingerprints matched a Michael Hawthorn. They’re about to issue a warrant for your arrest, anyway,” he explains. “You just couldn’t handle the fact that she went on the national news and started talking shit about you, could you? You’re such a weak little man you have to rape girls to feel control. You have to corner them in a parking lot to feel the power. You’re just a loser and you’re going to prison.” 

Y/N steps away and takes her phone out, she calls Derek right away and tells him everything. Hotch still has him pinned to the SUV, waiting for the inevitable slue of cop cars to come rushing to the scene, to take this man into their custody. 

Michael knows he fucked up. He got cocky, he thought he couldn’t get caught but here he is, cuffed and pinned to a fed’s SUV. “What were you even planning to do? Just talk to me?” 

“I’m not speaking without my lawyer,” he says. It’s probably the smartest decision he’s made today. 

“Derek said they are just waiting on the judge to pass the search warrant, it should happen in the next few minutes. That includes his car, which I imagine is here?” She explains. 

Hotch pats him down and finds his keys in his pocket. He hands them over to her. “When it goes through you can have the honours.” 

It doesn’t take long for them to hear the sirens approaching, and once they’re heard, they’re seen just as quickly. 4 cop cars and Derek's SUV come whipping around the corner and into the small hotel parking lot, surrounding them. They hand the unsub off to the police, Aaron advises them that he’s already been read his rights and they take him off to the jail to be booked. 

“how’d this happen?” Derek asks. 

“I came down to get us some coffee before we head out and he was waiting for me, he walked up to me and said ‘You’re just as pretty as you are on TV’ and I saw his eyes were just like the sketch that Amy drew, so I pulled my weapon and luckily Aaron was right behind me and was able to get his name and cuff him,” she explains. 

“if it wasn’t for Spencer telling me the guy's name, I would’ve just told him to fuck off,” Aaron adds.

“Why were you guys late to begin with?” JJ asks, it’s honestly unheard of for Hotch to be late. 

“We were talking when I was getting ready for bed and I never set an alarm,” he admits. 

“I was having a hard time sleeping knowing I get to live the rest of my life without the trauma these girls will have for the rest of their life,” she adds. It’s more than she told Aaron yesterday, but it’s the most believable because it’s true. 

Derek pulls her in for a side hug, “This job sucks sometimes but you saved a few more girls from going through it with your quick thinking… I didn’t even know you carried a gun?” 

“It’s Aarons…” she explains as she pulls away, referencing the small revolver at her hip. “He had a feeling this guy would see me on the news and contact me. He was right.” 

“He’s hardly ever wrong,” Kate teases. Having been on the team just a few months now, she knows everyone on the team is so good at their job, they could’ve all predicted this. 

Once the warrants go through, Y/N and Aaron check the unsubs car and the others head back to his house. She finds his rape kit but nothing else. “His souvenirs must be back at his apartment,” Y/N sighs, shaking her head. “I can’t believe how fast you got him pinned to the car?” 

“Why?” Aaron smirks. “You know I’m always going to protect you, right?” 

She nods, stepping in closer to him so none of the crime scene cops hear, “Yeah, I know… but it was hot. Like, really hot…” 

He takes off his plastic gloves and looks over to the cops, “are you guys good here without us?” 

“Yep, we’re basically done, we just need to take some photos and get his car towed,” the main detective explains. “Thanks for bringing him in, the colleges are going to be pleased to know their girls are a bit safer now.” 

“Anytime,” Hotch waves them off and has Y/N follow him back over to the SUV. 

She gets buckled into the passage side, watches him put on his seatbelt and throws the car in reverse, he peels out of the parking lot and she thinks they’re going to catch up with the others at the unsubs house… instead, he takes them down some random street and parks them in the ally behind an unoccupied storefront. “How hot?” 

“What?” She laughs. 

“How hot was me throwing that guy up against the SUV and cuffing him?” 

Heat rushes through her body as she realizes what’s happening, “Aaron…” 

“Answer me.” 

She unbuckles her seatbelt and kneels on the seat, unbuttoning her suit pants, “You know, if you’re going to be so sexy on the scene you should at least do it on days when I’m wearing a skirt.” 

His laugh is deep and dark, he undoes his belt and pushes the seat back so there’s enough room between his chest and the steering wheel for her to sit. He watches her push her pants down and as soon as just the one leg is free he hauls her into his lap. He helps her out of her suit jacket and tosses it onto the passenger seat, “I told you this outfit was doing something for me.” 

“Show me,” she begs. “You said you’d show me?” 

With one hand on her hip, he pushes her button-up shirt up to see what she’s wearing. It’s a 1 piece of lingerie, white to hide under her shirt and lacy as hell. “I will show you…. Just let me appreciate this a bit. I know you spent too much money to get these for me, I’m going to make it worth it, baby.” 

He doesn’t want to unbutton the whole shirt, he wants her to still be partially dressed if they get caught… he knows they won't but he’s careful, nonetheless. He unbuttons the first 4 buttons, allowing the shirt to cup her boobs. He leans in and kisses her neck, one hand on her back, helping her arch so he can press kisses down her chest as she grinds against him. 

“Please, Aaron,” she pleads. “Just move it to the side and fuck me.” 

He hums against her, “Take me out?” He whispers, moving up to kiss her on the mouth again. She reached between them, pulled his zipper apart and reached into his boxers. He was hard, so hard that as soon as he was free his erection slapped against his stomach and he moaned into her mouth. She stroked him gently, causing him to buck his hips up into her, clashing his teeth against hers as the kiss gets rougher. 

He pushes her panties to the side, and brushes past her clit which makes her gasp. Not wasting any time, Y/N moved back so she could angle her hips over him and slid right onto his cock. The feeling of being filled and the grip Aaron had on her waist was mesmerizing. Aaron took her face in his hands and pulled her in for another kiss, it wasn’t as rough as before but still full of want. 

Y/N started to rock her hips forward, picking up a rhythm as their mouths moved together as well. He’d never felt this way while having sex with another person, maybe it was just really good, or maybe this is what making love felt like… even if they were just having a quickie in a borrowed FBI SUV. 

Aaron’s never felt this many emotions during sex, never once had he got butterflies thinking about sleeping with someone, let alone had his stomach flip when he turned a corner and merely saw someone… Something about Y/N and all the things they did together was different. Even a week into sleeping with each other, it was all so different than any relationship he’d ever had with anyone in his life. 

He really loved her, he was sure of it. 

That thought rocked though his body like someone had punched him in the gut. He stopped moving and pulled away from Y/N’s mouth. Eyes wide and staring at him.

“What? Are you okay?” She asked in shock.

He blinked a few times and shook his head, “No, yeah, sorry I thought I heard something sorry.”

She kissed him again, lightly this time. “We can stop if you want?”

Aaron simply gripped her hips tighter, bit his lip while looking her dead in the eyes, “I really don’t want to stop.” 

“Good.” She moaned, pulling him in again and kissing him some more.

She moved one hand to be in the back little tuft of hair at the base of his neck, tugging gently. 

Y/N could stay in these motions for hours, the feeling of Aaron inside her, lightly hitting her G-spot. The feeling of his big hand on her hip as the other roamed around to the front to rub her clit, getting her closer to the finish. It was the best pleasure one could experience. All building to one massive crescendo. 

Y/N felt herself getting close, her hips bucking more erratically. Aaron’s breath on her mouth was a sign he was feeling it too, his breathing had picked up when he started to get close the last time as well. 

She breathes heavily into his mouth, moaning slightly as everything builds and builds and builds and “Oh,” she tosses her head back and rides out her orgasm over him. 

Her cunt flutters, sucking him in even deeper, he’s not that far behind her. He buries his face in her neck and sloppily kisses her, he grips her hips with both hands now and uses all his strength to keep her bouncing on his cock. He mumbles against her neck, “Feel so fuckin’ good, baby, oh my god, I’m right there….” 

“Please sir, cum in me, fill me up, I want to go back to work and feel you slowly dripping out of me for the rest of the day,” she eggs him on. 

He groans, deep from within himself, he had no idea something like that would get him going but here he is, finishing deep inside her. He kisses her neck again, up to her ear and then grips the back of her head, pushing her lips against his own. It’s hot and heavy again, still inside her, he wishes he could stay in her all day long… but then his phone rings. Bringing an end to their fun.  

He pulls back and brushes her hair off her face, looking deep in her eyes, “You’re nasty… I love it.” 

She simply smirks, “I know.” 

She reaches into his suit jacket and takes his phone, answering for him. “SSA Aaron Hotchner's Phone…”

He can’t believe she, answering his phone for him while sitting on his softening dick. He starts rebutting her shirt for her, pressing a kiss to the centre of her chest before doing the last button up 

“Yeah, he’s just driving right now, yep, sounds good, Derek. We’ll Meet you on the tarmac,” she smiles, hanging up on him. “They found his trophies, Hawthorn is royally fucked, now.”

“Good, now let’s get you home.” 

—

Agreeing to go to the bar after work with the main team wasn’t her smartest decision. You see, once Derek Morgan gets a couple drinks in his system, he’s even more of a teasing little shit than normal. 

So far, she’s been able to avoid his questions, he’s been kidding around with Penelope, asking JJ and Will about what it's like to have a sex life with a kid in the home and even teasing Kate about getting knocked up around Valentine's Day… Savannah seven shows up around the time gets a 3rd drink and she thinks the coast is clear, he’ll be too busy with the love of his life to ask Y/N any questions. 

She was wrong. 

“So,” he announces, letting everyone know he’s about to go off on another tangent. “Tell us about this new thing you’ve got going on, who is he… or is it a she?” 

She just laughs, “I’m not seeing anyone.” 

“Ooo so some random dude gave you a hickie on a Thursday night?” 

“What is with you and making the whole Thursday night thing such a big deal? I had free time after work, sue me!” 

“I’m not trying to be mean, I just wanna know what’s happening in your life! You’re hot and young, you’ve gotta be doing something fun with your time.” 

“You’re a poet,” she teases him for rhyming. “But no, it’s nothing serious. It's… a situationship at best. We fuck to blow off steam, it’s nothing more.” 

She hopes that that will get him off her case, she says exactly what she knows he wants to hear and nothing more… but then she turns to Aaron. He’s taking the last sip of his drink, he frowns and checks his phone. “Excuse me, everyone, I have to head home, Jack needs me.” 

“Oh, yeah, no problem boss man, have a good night,” Derek taps his shoulder as Aaron pushes through the crowd. 

Her heart breaks. She fucked up. Spencer looks at her, knowingly. He’s probably the only one on the team who’s clued in on them sleeping together, and it’s only because he was the one who came to their hotel room to fetch them during the case. 

“Um…” she’s so thrown now, she just stares at the door feeling like shit. “I think I should go home, too.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Derek rolls his eyes. “Go get dicked-down.” 

“Derek,” she stares him down, trying to stand her ground. “Please stop. I don’t like when you do this.” 

“Okay,” he backs down. “I’m sorry, I was just teasing—

“If it’s just you laughing, it’s not funny,” she snaps back. “Please, stop asking about it, stop teasing, stop digging. I’m not someone who likes to share.” 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, genuinely,” he truly means it. 

“I’ve gotta go,” she grabs her purse and all but runs out the door. She runs down the sidewalk all the way to the parking lot and blocks the exit so he can’t drive out. “Aaron!” 

He rolls the window down, yelling, “are you crazy?! I could’ve hit you?” 

She rushes around to the passenger side and reefs on the door, “Open up!” He clicks the unlock button and she gets in quickly. Cars honk behind him so he has to keep driving, rolling out onto the road, he follows traffic out. “I’m so sorry!” 

“No, it’s fine, I get it—

“No. You don’t. I only said that because then they’d stop asking about it! You’re more to me than some stupid guy that I just fuck for fun, I promise you, you mean so so so much to me.” 

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and looks at her. “How much?” 

“I-I… Aaron?” She pleads with her eyes, not wanting to embarrass herself by saying it if he doesn’t love her back. 

“Say it.” 

She opens her mouth, trying to say it but she can’t. 

“Fine,” he shakes his head and gives in. “I get it if you don’t feel the same but this isn’t just sex for me. I only started it as a sex thing because I couldn’t handle asking you out on a real date and romancing you and you just getting bored of me… I thought if we had sex, maybe, just maybe, you’d love me back too.” 

“Aaron—

“It’s fine if you—

“I do love you!” She shouts. “I love you so much it makes me feel fucking insane! I never imagined you loving me back…” 

“Why not?” He doesn’t understand that. “You’re everything to me? I haven’t felt this way about someone since I was a teenager. When I thought my first wife was going to be the love of my life…” 

She softens up, completely, looking at him with her whole heart in her expression, “Oh, Aaron, I-I… I’m sorry, I just never thought you’d love me, you’re so important and I’m just—

“You’re a crustal member of my team. Without you, we’d all be lost… but you’re so much more than just the media girl,” he admits. “When I rehired for that position I hoped I’d have someone who would help me but you’ve done so much more than that. You make me feel special. You make me feel handsome again… you make me feel loved and appreciated and like I’m good. I don’t often feel like a good person. You make me not only feel like I’m worthy of happiness but you bring me so so much. I love you. I don’t care if that affects how we do our jobs. I love you. And I don’t know if I can stop.” 

She unclips her seatbelt and reaches over, cupping his face in her hands, “I don’t ever want you to.” 

He presses their lips together a bit roughly and she smiles into the kiss, “take me home,” she whispers against his lips. “Please?” 

“Put your seatbelt back on,” he teases as he pulls away. He makes sure she’s safely buckled in before he merges back out with the traffic. He moves his light hand over to rest on her leg, rubbing circles with his thumb, he just likes to touch her all the time. 

She reaches down to the button of her suit pants and pops it, she pulls at the fabric making the zipper hiss as it’s ripped apart. She grips his wrist and redirects his hand into her panties. Sometime between the flight home and heading to the bar, she changed her underwear… what she was wearing got a little ruined from their previous antics in the car, but she didn’t care. 

“Eager, are we?” 

She nods, “Please?” She holds his wrist with her right hand and wraps her left around his bicep, holding onto him as his finger makes contact with her clit once more. “Oh, thank you,” she moans, relaxing into her seat finally. 

He smirks, watching the road but he can see her head lulled back in his peripheral vision. “Let me hear you, baby, it’s just us…” 

“I’ve missed your fingers,” she admits through bated breath. “Oh my god, Aaron,” she pushes her hips up into his touch for more, feeling him press into her harder, he uses his forefingers to rub her clit now. She’s so fucking wet he can hear it alongside her whimpers and moans for more.

“You’re just so desperate for me,” he teases her.  

“Feels, oh god, feels so good, I— oh,” she bucks her hips up against his hand he knows she’s close. She grips his bicep harder, “I wanna cum, please? Please? Can I cum?” 

He smirks, turning onto her street, he could either let her cum now or make her hold off until he’s inside her… “cum for me, baby,” he lets her go. She’s going to be so much more pliant and overstimulated once he gets her through the door, now.

Barely over her orgasm, she points at her usual parking spot and tells him to take it. He pulls in and parks, he takes his hand out of her pants and sucks his fingers clean. She doesn’t even bother buttoning her pants back up, she simply throws off her seatbelt and opens the door. He follows her lead, into the building and towards the elevator. 

Once the doors are closed he lunges for her, kissing her deeply he cups his hand at the back of her head to protect her as he slams her up against the wall. Her hands go inside his suit jacket, scratching at his skin through his dress shirt. The elevator dings on her floor, opening its doors, they pull apart and he holds her hand as she drags him down the hallway towards her apartment. She digs her keys from her purse and unlocks the door as quickly as possible. 

Once again, he gets her inside, she tosses her things to the ground and has her turn to push him up against the wall. He pushes her suit jacket off her shoulders and she undoes his belt, pulling it through the loops and then she tosses it to the floor beside her purse. He starts to walk he backwards, still making out, he follows the floor plan of her apartment and leads her towards what he assumes is her bedroom. She simply pulls away and laughs, “Taking me to do laundry?” 

“Sorry, I don’t know where we’re going?” He laughs, too. Smiling at her, he keeps both his hands on her hips. “Show me the way?” 

She takes his hand and tugs him the other way down the hall, into her bedroom she flicks the light on and feels a bit embarrassed, “Sorry it’s a mess in here.” 

“It’s fine… I’m going to end up making a mess of you anyway,” Aaron teases. 

He pulls her in close again and starts unbuttoning her dress shirt. She does the same for him, pushing both his shirt and his jacket to the floor once she’s done. She takes her own shirt off too and then starts pushing her pants down. She kicks her shoes off and once she’s in just her underwear she gets into bed. She watches him kick his shoes off too, he makes eye contact with her as he pushes his pants and boxers to the floor. 

Oh, she’s getting ruined tonight. 

He gets on the bed between her legs, “come on, get naked with me,” he says as he reached for her panties. He tugs them off and she reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra. As soon as she’s completely naked, he hovers over her, and runs his hand from her cheek down her neck and between her breasts, “you’re so beautiful.” 

“You’re not too bad yourself,” she teases, leaning in to steal a kiss. 

He drops his chest against hers, wraps his arms around her and completely engulfs her with himself. She wraps her legs around him, grinding his hardening cock against her core. Holding his face in her hands. He trails his hands over her stomach, along her sides up to cup her boobs. He grinds his hips against hers, cock pushing between her folds the head collides with her clit, making them moan into each other's mouths.  

“Aaron baby,” she runs her fingers through his hair, “make love to me?” 

He grips himself at the base of his cock and taps the head against her clit with a smirk, she moans slightly, reaching out for him to come back to her, equally just as needy as him. 

He slips into her slowly, pushing in little by little while his tongue explores her mouth. With her hands now in his hair, his all over her body, she wraps her legs around him as he bottoms out. He pulls his lips away just enough to whisper, “I love you.” He kisses her jaw, up to her ear as he starts to thrust lightly. 

“I love you,” she moans back, grinding up against him. His pelvis rubs against her clit, he’s so deep inside of her, he’s so tender with her and her body. He wraps an arm around her, under her back, and the other cups the back of her head while he kisses her neck, fucking into her with so much passion she could cry. 

Other than their subtle moans and the headboard hitting the wall again, they’re mostly quiet. She’s so close, her stomach is a flutter of fireflies, twinkling as they swirl around inside of her. “Please?” She mumbles, gripping his back like her life depends on it, “fuck, go a little harder, please?” 

He hums against her neck before pulling back, he settles on his knees, spreading hers apart as he fucks into her with more intent. He shoves a pillow under her lower back, getting even deeper inside than before while at a beautiful angle. He reaches between them, rubbing her clit for added pleasure and boy, does she love it. Her back arches and she writhes in the sheets with only one thought in her mind. 

“I love you, oh I love you,” she reminds him. “Right there, please, baby?” 

“Cum for me, my love,” he can’t help but smile, the sight unfolding under him was a dream come true. 

Her orgasm hits her suddenly, spreading through her body while she shook and trembled under him. “Holy shit,” he stumbled forward, resting against her again as he rutted his hips into her with vigour. She wrapped herself around him again, relishing in the pleasure that filled her body.

His rhythm falters, “I love you, baby, god, I’m— oh fuck, I love you,” he pants against her neck buried so deep inside of her, he lets go and finishes with a deep groan. 

He slumps against her, fucked out and exhausted. She holds him close, running her hands up and down his back. “I love you… I’m so glad I can say it now.” 

“I’m glad too,” he smiles against her. He snuggles in, not resting as much weight on her but still there, on her chest and still inside her. “I’m going to tell you all the time.�� 

“Should we go see Cruz tomorrow?” She suggests. “I don't think I can keep it a secret anymore.” 

He nods, “Yeah… and you can tell everyone when you want to. I want you to be respected no matter what.” 

“Which is why I love you,” she teases. 

“We’re going to be okay,” he assures her. “I know it.” 

“I do too.” 

@dim-i-try @mrs-ssa-hotch 

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtlee @katsukis1wife @babybisexual @marsmunson86 @buckleyhans

[yeonban]

⸻ 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒 .

bold what applies to your muse,   italicize if there's potential  /  it depends.    repost, don't reblog !

holding hands  · holding onto arm / holding out arm · buying (stealing?) flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love · long walks at the beach · doing the titanic pose on a boat · taking cute pictures in a photobooth · sharing a taxi / uber (...his coat is the taxi / uber typically) · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · getting tickets his partner at their favourite artist / sports team / other's concerts / matches / etc somehow (hint: through not-so-legal means) · introducing them to their parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · star gazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument / a sport / something else · compliments · late night drives teleports · taking selfies together · drawing them · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring · lending them their favourite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee (who needs to pay honestly when you can a. teleport away before the waiter returns or b. steal money from the register to pay with that money) · mixtapes / playlists · surprise birthday parties / birthday surprises in general · feeding them · handing them keys to their apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes · tucking a hair strand behind their ear · running after them at the airport / keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight (verbally / physically) · joint bubble baths · dropping the L-bomb ("I love you") · dedicating a song at the karaoke bar to them · wearing their clothes / letting his partner wear his clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · grant them the last bite (from meal)

holding hands · holding onto arm / holding out arm · buying flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love · long walks at the beach port · doing the titanic pose on a boat · taking cute pictures in a photobooth · sharing a taxi / uber · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · getting tickets for their favourite artist / sports team / other · introducing them to their parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · star gazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument / a sport something else · compliments · late night drives · taking selfies together · drawing them · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring · lending them their favourite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee · mixtapes / playlists · surprise birthday parties · feeding them · handing them keys to their apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes · tucking a hair strand behind their ear · running after them at the airport / keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight (verbally / physically) · joint bubble baths · dropping the L-bomb ("I love you") · dedicating a song at the karaoke bar to them · wearing their clothes / letting his partner wear his clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · grant them the last bite (from meal)

tagged by: @ascendedstar !! tysm thyme, xoxo! tagging: @skilledsenses (ranpo!), @longerhuman, @valkyrrhic, @starspurn (yosano, bram and/or fyodor!), @achroanimus, @furiaei, @beastincidents (hii!), @truethes (licht and/or ash!)

[who-is-muses]

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒

BOLD what applies to your muse,

ITALICIZE if there's potential / it's dependent on external factors.

CROSS OUT if there's NO potential under any circumstances

Repost, don't reblog.

holding hands | buying flowers | cooking | cuddles | writing a poem / song | holding door open | tying shoe laces | sharing a milkshake with two straws | offering their jacket when it's cold | kissing in the rain | publicly confessing love | long walks at the beach | doing the titanic pose on a boat | taking cute pictures in a photobooth | sharing a taxi / uber | kissing the back of their hand | slow dancing | getting tickets of their favourite artist / sports team / other | introducing them to their parents [ impossible beyond sharing memories qvq ] | lighting candles | flower petals on bed | love letters | star gazing | brushing / doing their hair | picnics | teaching them to play an instrument / a sport while gently guiding their hands | compliments | late night drives | taking selfies together | drawing them | self - made gifts | massages | proposing with a family heirloom ring | lending them their favourite book to read [ he doesn't have any, and can't sit still long enough to read anything lengthy ] | paying for dinner / coffee | mixtapes / playlists | surprise birthday parties | feeding them | handing them keys to their apartment | making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over | sharing a blanket | couple costumes | tucking a hair strand behind their ear | running after them at the airport / keeping them from leaving | moving cities to be together | blowing a kiss | breakfast in bed | defending them in a fight (verbally / physically) | joint bubble baths | dropping the l - bomb ("i love you") | dedicating a song at the karaoke bar to them | wearing their clothes | yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie | grant them the last bite from a meal

Tagged by: stole it from @dcwnthercbbithcle òvó 💙

Tagging: viewers like you 🫵!!!

[ And now for some extra bits cus I can't Not gush about fictional alien cultural practices qvq ]

While holding hands and even kissing can be wholly platonic, something reserved strictly for family and committed romantic relationships is pressing foreheads together. It symbolically brings the two minds closer together, eyes typically closed to better focus on their partner.

A gesture reserved for romantic relationships is a couple entertwining their head-tails together. This has a similar meaning as the forehead press, but with an added depth; the mental walls of both parties are lowered to allow each other full insight into their emotions. For this reason, this gesture is customary in any and all sexual encounters- whether the couple are recently together, long committed, friends with benefits, or even just a casual hook-up. Obviously a not Astonian partner can't reciprocate this gesture, but Bro'Dee will make it work regardless- after explaining the tele-empathic portion of it and gaining their consent, of course.

A more chaste gesture involving the head-tail is comparable to a hug or squeeze, also spanning different types of affection. Draping it across a loved one's shoulders, wrapping around an arm, holding their cheek, etc.. The head-tail is nowhere near as strong as the other pieces of an Astonian's musculature, but it's filled with thousands of highly sensitive nerve endings and thus functions as a sensory organ.

I have a previous hc post about different common affectionisms and pet names in Astonian culture here, but there are wordless pieces as well. These consist primarily of soft coos and chirrups, but joyful squeaks and clicks can of course be sorted into this category as well.

This is less-so a gesture as it is involuntary, but an Astonian's bioluminescence can express feelings like love and desire. These are typically pink and pinkish-purple respectfully, but will often be mixed with blue and blue-green for happiness/contentment/comfort. The brighter the colors and/or rapid the patterns, the more intense the emotion they're conveying is.

[crazyexdirkfriend]

Hiiii

I was wondering if you had any advice on writing fics? I find myself struggling with structure/timeline(?) the most

Hi! Thanks for asking! Hmm I'm not sure what tips I have for you exactly, but I'll try and explain my process.

I have two approaches myself when I write fic:

I plan meticulously. I know exactly every scene and every chapter that will be in the fic. I do an outline, I explain it, and then I write it-- sometimes in order, generally depending on what bit I want to write when to keep myself motivated. Examples of this approach: Can Town Communication Manual, Okay Cupid!, calvariæ

I come up with a concept, theme, plot premise. And then I write whatever I want, whenever I want to, and when I have a solid chunk written I start figuring out how that's all supposed to flow together and tidy it up, write the intermittent parts etc. Examples of this approach: we were something, perpetuity, eschewal

Two alternatives to those: Now and then I write a fic in one sitting, such as lunar calendar, let it linger, or vote now on your phones. And now and then something theoretically has a chapter plan or structure but I go so loosey goosey off script that it ends up not mattering at all, such as shag emotionally devastate etc. or two short hours etc.

I will admit, most of my approaches use 2. BUT. I can use 2. because I spent about 4-5 years writing only using approach 1 and can generally eyeball what something is supposed to look like. Am I always right? No. But generally I think my pacing works for what I want it for.

BUT you want advice, not me being like eh? I throw darts at a board and sometimes they stick?

Okay! So here are my guides.

One, look at a three act structure. I ganked this one from the internet.

This is how a typical movie or book or, yes, fanfiction is set up. How this works is v easy to explain for multichapters or longfics with numbers in my opinion. Take a ten chapter standard long fic.

Chapters 1-2 should introduce your characters and premise, and involve your inciting incident- ie, what idea is dropped into the narrative that is going to make the rest of this plot roll out.

Chapters 3-4 should get your ball rolling. The plot should be happening, characters should be introduced, your quest should be underway.

Chapter 5 (and maybe one before or after) is where stakes should be getting high, the action is rising, the tension is occuring. Things are starting to get into action.

Chapter 6 or 7 should have a new plot point or a twist in the tale. Something goes very wrong or very right. A battle results in a huge victory and our hero is cocky. Or they lose a football game and it's a huge blow. Some wedge comes between our favourite ship- and they're going to need to confront it. This is often where a couple hook up for the first time in romances- that can be done well, it's often cliche, but hey fanfiction in general is. Here you can also have the calm before the storm too- things can be going wrong, but they can also be going well! Too well.

Chapter 8 is your conflict climax, the culmination of what you've been building up to. This is often where your ship will realise they have a seemingly irreconcilable difference, or they'll have a dispute that leads to a breakdown. An earlier betrayal can be revealed! In non romances, your hero can realise they've been fighting for a lie, they can be taken off the football team for something, their friends can abandon them. You know this part in a movie- it's where the music builds and you start to feel sick with stress. Or at least I do.

Chapter 9 is your resolution, your falling action. If you're going to fix things, this is where you do it. This is your resolution climax-- if your protagonist is going to, hm, chase their love interest through an airport to propose or confess their undying love or apologise for all their misdeeds, this is where they do it.

Chapter 10 is your quiet end, your new beginning: your epilogue if you will. Or, since this is fanfiction, this is often where you stick the sex scene but I often find that can be tonally jarring. Up to you!

Now you may be thinking: JEEZ that's awfully rigid. Well that's for math structure nerds like me who need to get their pacing down. That is to be taken not as gospel, but as a very basic "yes this is proven to work, if needs be" structure guide. It's the structure you'll find in classic films such as Legally Blonde 2001 or Music and Lyrics 2007 (warning: music and lyrics is not a classic film). But structures ARE made to be played with and broken. But to do that you need to understand the basic structure first, and then play with it. If you don't, you'll end up with like 7 climaxes like Outbreak 1995

One shots often don't have this kind of structure. There is no conflict in perpetuity for example. There's no real resolution in shag emotionally devastate etc. That's fine! I am a big big big BIG believer that writing form is a specific skill: not every novel writer can write poetry, not every poet can write plays etc. And fanfiction allows writers to use prose in a way that doesn't work in stand-alone fiction.

Which brings us to point two: meat and candy

Ganking this from Hussie himself because it does genuinely mean something. If we take meat to be plot, form, action, and candy to mean character, relationships, dialogue, then we know that any good story has BOTH. Fanfiction can sometimes get away with being all candy (fluff fic, aus, etc) and movies often get away with being all meat (can you remember the characters in various action films?). But generally speaking? You need that balance. Without candy, I don't care about your characters enough to give a shit if one of them dies in the meat. Without meat, there are no stakes, no tension, just some characters having meaningless banter that goes nowhere.

So with structure, you need both. You need a plot that's engaging and you need enough tension, twists, stakes in that to keep readers interested. But you also need to pad that out with periods of rest for your characters to speak to each other, show us things about themselves, and show their every day lives. We'll care more when we see what's being snatched away from them.

Ideally, you interweave this. Casual conversations will drop little tidbits in that foreshadow something that will happen later in the plot. Action sequences will have little interactions that tell us something about character relationships ie. one character protecting another.

Third point, read more of what you want to write. Look, ideally we'd all broaden our horizons and watch and read loads of things from different forms and genres and we'd all be great at media literacy. But let's face it: maybe you should watch Citizen Kane, but it's probably not going to help you write your fanfiction. What WILL? Reading fanfiction.

But also. You want to write experimental prose fic? Great! Read poetry. Read experimental prose flash fiction. Watch short films at your local LGBT film festival that absolutely bewilder you. You want to write long form ship fic? Great! Read romance chick lit. Watch rom coms. How are these structured? What styles do they use? How do they show love or growing affection? Then GANK IT. I'm stealing the entire "she can't order a sandwich" bit from When Harry Met Sally as we speak.

This also works for my math friends. You love a particular long fic? Want to structure yours that well? Gank it. Copy and past a chapter and see how long it is and aim fo that word count. That fic has 3 scenes per chapter? Aim for 2-4 yourself. 6? Aim for 5-7. How many chapters does it take for the oh oh moment to occur? How many times does the main couple speak per chapter? When does their inciting incident occur? Gank. It. You can't steal a chapter structure so reference it all you want.

And all of that is to say: if you struggle with structure, you need an outline. Check the fic you want to be most like and reference how long it is, how many chapters etc. Then make a bullet point list of each chapter, then fit your plot into it. Then expand it. Expand it some more. Put every detail you need to remember into this outline. Mine are generally 1/8th of the piece's total length. Then sit on it for a week and come back to it. Make sure you're following some act template, or your approximation of it for what you're writing. Make sure each chapter has plot progression and character introspection, meat and candy.

Bonus Round!!! Some random tips

If you struggle with description (LIKE ME) write dialogue first. It's just like rping with yourself and it can help keep your character voices solid.

Try to start and end chapters on engaging notes. One liners, cliff hangers, something to keep people waiting without pissing them off. True cliffhangers (near deaths, accidents etc) are often cliche, but can be done well. But leave a reader something to chew on, something to comment on, something to hypothesise about. Or even just a line you think fucks.

Can't think of a structure? Write now, figure it out later. One shots often don't need a strict structure, like I said-- sometimes you have the luxury of writing off pure vibes if your themes and characterisation are solid.

Refer back to canon. Call back to canon in text if you have to. But it's always good to have notes for what you're trying to do thematically-- would facets of your character's character interfere with your pacing? ie. yeah okay maybe the couple sleeps together at the chapter 7 point in fanfiction a lot, but if you're writing a character who would never do that, or a character who would have done that 5 chapters ago, then consider if that takes precedence over structure or if there's a reason for this point.

Having a solid chapter plan allows for foreshadowing, even for minor things in dialogue. And this is so so so so so so so fun please don't deprive yourself of this. I am literally kicking my legs writing Okay Cupid! right now. I think there are like 7 incidents of foreshadowing in chapter one alone. I love when a plan comes together.

If you want more writing/storycraft tips and theories: Save the Cat- Blake Snyder (Scriptwriting based) The general go to book for film structure, definitely solved major holes in my script-writing Into the Woods- John Yorke (Storycraft) A classic On Writing- Stephen King (Novel) Worth a read, solved a big character quandary for my personal work

Also I follow a number of writing tumblr blogs that frequently put tips on my dash: you might find these useful too, so I recommend having a scour!

x x x x x Research semiotic theory, such as Barthes (Death of the Author, Mythologies) or Chandler (Semiotics: The Basics). Also look at intertextuality and cross-border, cross-media analysis (Such as Henry Jenkins). This is if you're feeling adventurous and want to look at thematic structure in Homestuck and apply this to your work. You can write very good fic without ever considering this, so this is an if you're interested not a you must.

Anyway that was obscenely long because I do NOT know how to structure a neat ask response, but I hope this is all of some use to you! Good luck with your fic writing, and if you've any more questions shoot them my way!

[hadaad]

BOLD what applies to your muse, ITALIZE if there's potential / it depends. Repost, don't reblog.

holding hands (in public) · buying flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love · long walks at the beach · doing the titanic pose on a boat · taking cute pictures in a photobooth · sharing a taxi / uber · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · getting tickets of their favourite artist / sports team / other · introducing them to their parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · star gazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument / sport while gently guiding their hands · compliments · late night drives · taking selfies together · drawing them · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring · lending them their favourite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee · mixtapes / playlists · surprise birthday parties · feeding them · handing them keys to their apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes · tucking a hair strand behind their ear · running after them at the airport / keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight (verbally / physically) · joint bubble baths · dropping the L-bomb ("I love you") · dedicating a song at the karaoke bar to them · wearing their clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · grant them the last bite (from meal)

tagged by: @dodgedabullet (only after i begged. typical. lmao hunter i love you) tagging: @vekovoysoldat , @orchideae , @heartcarried , @thiefscant, @homebehind (roslin and/or zoya!), @forjanus + you!! tag me, please.

[freefalasteen]

Byler prompt

The typical 'will got vecna'd and mike confessed his love in front of a ton of people' fic EXCEPT

He acts like he never said it. There's no teary kiss. As soon as Will comes to, Mike is outta there, and never mentions it again, plays it off like "duh ilu you're my bff"

The rest of the party witnessed it, and they know exactly how mike meant it, but they try not to judge, just thinking Mike needs time. Will is devastated of course but is convinced to give Mike time to come to terms.

Well that never happens. A year later, and Mike still acts like he never confessed, still acts awkward around Will (think the airport reunion but like all the time). Will is slowly cracking in two, the Party watches helplessly, stops giving Will false hope. They glare at Mike every time he flinches just because he accidentally bumped into Will.

Will starts spending time with someone else. Maybe it's Lucas or maybe it's someone new, but Mike gets visibly jealous. And Max and Dustin lay into Mike that he has no right to be jealous when he's strung Will along for the last year and broke his heart nearly every damn day.

[peaky-shelby]

OKAY SO I’VE BEEN MIA BC I JUST FINISHED GRAD SCHOOL AND I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO READ THE LAST SEVERAL CHAPTERS. I’M BACK AND HOLY SHIIIIIIIIT BRO. 

Okay I’m only going to go into ch 14 for all our sakes lmao. Having Neymar come with Ky to pick Taylor up from the airport is everything that healed my little heart. I know I’ve said it before, but her relationship with Ney is just the most wholesome and I love it. “Man, just kiss already. You can cut the tension with a knife.” She laughed, embarrassed at herself and leaned on Kylian’s shoulder, hiding herself. Like this encapsulates everything I love about this trio. The safety they both feel in being open in front of Ney is just **chefs kiss** to me. Surprising her with Leo, Ramos, and Kimpembe has me squealing like a child, but the real star of the show is Taylor’s reunion with Luna. My god I love this kitty. 

The conversation between her and Verratti was perfectly awkward. Like we know he feels bad about how everything went down and like…he absolutely should and I love that Taylor made him squirm a bit. It’s exactly why I love Taylor as a character-her stubbornness and intensity is both her gift and downfall, but god when she uses it for her benefit it just makes me so happy. 

“What about short term?” he mumbled to her lips, giving it a light bite.“You” she said in a quick breath

OKAY RIP ME WOW. 

I’m conflicted about Galtier’s offer with the youth league. Because on one hand, I love that it would allow her to stay coaching in a sense, be close to Kylian and the rest of the boys, but I also remember how much she hated the whole system of how players are treated. “You can hep us build the foundations” like homie that’s not how this works….but okay. TYPICAL KY GETTING IN HIS HEAD THAT SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT HIM. CHRIST ON A STICK KYLIAN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS. Their argument in the car is easily my favorite bit of writing thus far. It’s so fucking hilarious and on brand for the two of them to confess these big emotions while arguing like this and all while Taylors driving for the first time here lmao. 

“I did not make a pause! My lips are still moving—you cut me off—and for you information it’s the kind of logic that I can find other teams like psg, psg is replaceable—you are not!” she stopped the car abruptly in front of a red light, Kylian moving a little forward. Silence. Just the car sounds filling the emptiness. He looked at her in awe, he wanted to kiss her right there and then.

Like I’m sorry WHAT!!! OW MY HEART I LOVE IT. “psg is replaceable-you are not!” That just causes me goosebumps because it really shows the depth of her feelings. 

They’re finally happy. Like finally. I’m glad she took the job, but I worry that her reservations from the past assistant coach job will resurface and she’ll be unhappy again. ugh. 

Him referring to her has his girlfriend for the first time…oof. She’s better than me because I’m pretty sure my brain would short circuit and an Error 404 message would just pop up lmao. Like they were building new routines together that weren’t involving only their bodies but their hearts too. Domestic fluff like this shit is what I liiiiiiiive for. 

(K about to get sentimental and shit for a sec) Kylian speaking to the medics about her condition…this hit home. As someone who lives with a chronic illness that affects literally every aspect of how I’m supposed to live my life I really connect with Taylor in this capacity. It’s so hard to explain a version of life that is so drastically different than what is considered “normal” to others. I’m sure Kylian is wildly frustrated by her lack of sharing, but when you historically have to be the only one you yourself can rely on for shit, it’s hard to share that burden onto someone else…especially if you love them because you never want to give your shit to someone else. But that’s what she does. That quick little peck and “good to know you want to share it” from Kylian may have seem like such a throw away moment, but as someone who’s lived Taylors experience with this, it means everything. (K done with gross feelings now MOVING ON)

Of course I knew you were going to write Ney getting hurt…but god fucking dammit it hurts. Ney really feels like her family. Her brother. And hearing both Ky and Ney say “I’m tired” in the context they are saying it, I just know it’s breaking her heart. It’s back to the reason she hated the higher ups in the coaching gig again. No respect for the players. But I fear this will  just add fuel to her flame hatred of how these players are being treated. 

“He’s gonna need you.” “I know.” Neymessi going strong. 

Ooooooooooooh apartment conversations happening….I was wondering if I missed the memo of them officially living together but here we go lol. 

AGH HER GRIPE WITH COACHING STAFF COMES UP AGAIN. Taylor thank god you’re telling him the legit ruth and not sugar coating shit….where’s Taylor in real life because homeboy needs to hear this shit. AND SHE’S DONE WITH PSG. I FUCKING KNEW IT. DID I NOT CALL THIS. OH GOD BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THEM?! OH NOOOOO. 

Awwww the key. The keeeeyyyyy. 

The conversation between Ky and Leo is perfect. Truly no notes. We love Uncle Leo in this house. “That part had it’s pleasure, but you can break records anywhere Kylian.” He shrugged, scratching the back of his head “it’s who you break them with that makes it special.”  I feel like this is then counterintuitive to the dilemma…idk yet I haven’t fully formed that thought yet. 

LILY IS THERE. OH MY GOD TAYLOR AND BETH. AHHHH. I love Ky and lily’s dynamic its so stinking cute. I can only imagine how that looked to the others though hahaha. Like some random little girl none of them have ever seen comes crashing into Kylian and he’s like so chill about it. I’m sure they thought he’s like lost his head or something hahaha. Oh interesting dynamic with Ethan and their dad. I’m intimidated by him. Did not expect him to extend that invitation to Taylor and her family…is this just me being suspicious? I’m not fully trusting it yet…

….british phone number….her leaving the youth league job….CHELSEA?! 😳

Okay that’s what I’ve got. God I’ve missed reading this fic and I’ve loved catching up with the past few chapters. Still the best fic I’ve ever read, hand to god. Mkay thats all ILYSM 😘

AAAAAAH I MISSED YOUUUUU

When readers disappear i get so worried they've given up 😭😭😭 I'm so happy you're still here!! YOUR NOTES ARE THE BEST AND YOU ALWAYS TAKE SO MUVH OF YOUR ENERGY IT MAKES ME MELT😭😭😭😭

I hope the final chapter will leave you satisfied 🥺

[cherrybombfangirlwrites]

Tropes Tag Game!

Tagged by: @space-writes thanks!

Tagging: soft tagging | @witherednightmare | @nikkywrites | @zoya-writes | @ryns-ramblings | @enchanted-lightning-aes | @friendlyneighborhood-writer | @wherearetheplants | @oh-no-another-idea also Open Tag for whoever wants to play!

Bold the tropes that you write and italicize the ones you want to write in the future!

Found Family | The Chosen One | The Martyr | Surprise, Bitch! You thought I was dead | Enemies/Rivals put together for a project | Teen gets kidnapped; parent goes on killing spree to find them | Happy Ever After | Black and White Morality | Fight scene turns into a make-out session | Only one bed | The airport/train/bus station love confession | AUs | Amnesia story | Villain and hero fall in love | Love triangles | Bookworm falls for the bad guy | Killing off the audience’s fave characters | Smalltown falls for Big-City | Princess kisses a frog & gets Prince Charming | Villain redeemed | Protagonist beats “best in the world” | Enemies to friends to lovers | It was all a dream! | Coming of age story

Explanations under the cut!

Found family is a big one, it’s in all of my writing and I have families of all sizes and shapes (or at least I try to, 😅).

I italicized The Chosen One on the condition that it has a fun twist on it and said chosen one has to deal with all the trauma that comes with their destiny. I don’t like plain old boring and typical Chosen One trope lol.

Surprise, Bitch! You thought I was dead! is pretty much all of Fractured Stars Falling. That’s it, that’s the last three books of the series XD.

Enemies/Rivals put together for a project will be fun in TCIO and Galaxy Des especially with V x Nightmare and Nova x Astra. I’m a little excited for the comedy that will result. I haven’t planned any of it out yet, I just know it’s going to happen at some point

Teen gets kidnapped; parent goes on a killing spree to find them, not so much my original fiction, but this is all over in my fanfiction XD. This happens multiple times with Steve/Bucky and their daughter (my oc) Stacy, it’s a problem at this point XD.

Happy Ever After. I do like a not so happy ending, but I’m also a sucker for the happy endings. Especially if the characters had to work for it and do get it in the end.

Only One Bed I’ve only done once so far, I plan on writing a scene in Sleeping Beauty’s Bodyguard, but it is going to happen and I do have it panned out so I bolded it.

Villain redeemed, there’s quite a lot of that in TCIO, lots of villains and heroes crossing over to the other side, and even one arc that switches over but also switches back!

[syyncophy]

Two Cents on: XO, Kitty (2023) - Episode #1: XO

Hi there! It's going to be my second time watching XO, Kitty.. The first time being watching it but not really paying that much attention. Now this, I would be putting in my two cents every episode with some prior knowledge of what happened and the dynamics of the characters. Disclaimer, I haven't really watched the firsts of this franchise, which is To All The Boys I've Loved Before, but I have some knowledge. I would also like to add that I'm Team Yuri, but along the way I might change my view or something. Now, let's get to it!

Another disclaimer: I'm not really an expert or do I have any credential in doing this. I just wanted to do this for fun. It's fun.

(I might insert some things I've noticed throughout the series into some of the earlier episodes. Just a handful.)

---

Even at first, we can see that Kitty's very much in love with Dae here. She called Dae "My person". That's so sweet. Kitty's main point of going to Korea is to know more about her mother, partially going there for Dae. "I'm ready to start experiencing new things. I want my own adventure." (Yup, KItty. You're going to be doing a lot of that once you go to Seoul.)

Coincidentally also, Kitty mentions that a spot just opened up that day (Makes me think that maybe that was Juliana's spot since Yuri's mother made her transfer because of the issue between them, and the reason why Juliana was not at KISS at the first day and was not responding to Yuri's texts and calls).

At the airport, it's the first time Kitty and Min Ho meet, and it wasn't that pleasant. Min Ho gives off a standoffish vibe.

Commuting through Seoul, this is where we first meet Han Yuri. First impression is stuck up, typical rich mean girl trope. We also have now an idea that she's seeing someone.

And when Yuri meets Kitty, we see that she's actually nice and has a friendly attitude.

She mentions that "I've been hanging out with somebody this summer, but it's not serious. --Because it can't be. --Because it's complicated." I'm thinking that maybe this is Juliana OR this is the fake dating she has with Dae, and that it can't be serious because she's with Julianna and it's complicated since it's only a façade.

The look she gives Kitty when she opens the car window gives off curiosity and "what is this girl lmao".

We meet Dae here finally.. We found out that he apparently has money problems, since it's a quarterly problem as per the lady, and Dae is thankful that he's still given a chance until later that night.

It's funny how Dae and Kitty missed each other just a few feet away from each other. They were too busy with their own lives to notice their surroundings.

The first look of Lim Jina, Yuri's mother. Confronting Yuri about what Juliana's housekeeper saw last summer. "Confessing" that she was sneaking around all summer, but with another person, and Juliana was "helping" her. But I feel like her mother doesn't believe her.

Now Jina and Kitty has met, Kitty asking Jina if she knew her mother, Eve Song. Obviously she's acting like she doesn't know who that is, the pictures Kitty shows give off "best friends" giving us an idea that there might be something that happened between them two in the past that Jina wants to forget or doesn't want to acknowledge. Kitty also thought of this when she was having a video call with her dad in the dorms.

TBH, Kitty's Welcome Party Outfit could be better. It wasn't just *it*.

This is the second time she meets Min Ho, the first time she meets Q, and the first time in forever, Dae. Their reunion was sweet and oozes genuine happiness and surprise.

I missed this line from Dae the first time i watched it, he wanted to tell Kitty the current situation, of how he's fake dating Yuri to cover up something,

but Yuri had beat him to it and introduced Dae as Yuri's boyfriend. This misunderstanding caused kitty a lot of pain. Dae wanted to run after Kitty but Yuri stopped him, and he didn't put up a fight because later on, we found out that they had struck a deal together.

That's the end of Episode #1: XO.

Current Relationship Status:

[boldlyvoid]

I Know Places 2: Minimal Loss

18+ Aaron Hotchner x Fem Reader | Masterlist | AO3 link

Summary: Away on a case with Reid, he and our dear reader are held hostage by Libertarian Cult Leader, Benjamin Cyrus. It's now Aaron's turn to try and keep his cool while Leading the Hostage Recovery and Support mission at the same time he's realizing he's fallen in love with his subordinate…

Warnings: Canon Typical Violence (child sexual assault, hostage situations), hurt/comfort, Drug use tw, unrequited love (so he thinks), mutual pining, angst with a happy ending, drug-induced love confessions

Word count: 10.3k

It’s weird being in the office without her. She flew out to Colorado with Reid last night, the two of them stayed in a hotel (one with two queen beds this time) and she texted him this morning before she headed out for the case. He missed her. He missed picking her up this morning. He missed their coffee banter and how every morning without fail she got the same breakfast that always left his car smelling like a buttery croissant.

He smiles to himself as he thinks about her. He wonders how she’s doing, he can’t wait to call her tonight and catch up… hopefully, the interviews don’t take more than a day. He’d miss her too much if he didn’t get to see her tomorrow too. Maybe he could pick them up from the airport? No. She drove herself and Reid there, so maybe he’ll bring her a baked good and they can watch TV together? Either way, he wanted to see her as soon as she got home.

When they were approached by Colorado child protective services, they received a copy of the 911 call that sparked the investigation and a short summary of the alleged unsub. Libertarian cult leader, Benjamin Cyrus of the Fringe Religious group called the Separatarian Sect. was being accused of being inappropriate with the young teenage members. The age of the caller who made the 911 call is 15. This was a crime, no matter what the libertarians personally believed, under Colorado state law, he was breaking the law by having any kind of sexual interaction with a minor.

Sending Y/N and Spencer was a no-brainer. They couldn’t send JJ because she was pregnant, but they wanted a woman there to make the children feel safe. Spencer went because he’s memorized the entire bible and most historical quotes, he’d be able to deal with a libertarian cult leader the easiest. He had faith in—

“HOTCH!”

With his door open, he’s able to hear Morgan's scream even better, he’s immediately up and out of his seat, rushing towards the door when he notices everyone watching the TV.

“The TV, Y/L/N and Reid,” he points to the screen.

The report on screen is standing a few miles from the compound, showing footage from a raid and cutting back to his face as he speaks. “No one knows for sure how many people are inside. It is believed that at least three child service members are still trapped inside the compound.”

His heart drops into his stomach as if he just fell 30 feet in 10 seconds. His eyes widen, he steps towards the railing outside his office and grips the metal pole for dear life.

This can’t be happening.

She can’t get hurt.

He can’t lose her too.

Just then every single phone in the office starts to ring, he’s pulled back to reality and he catches his breath, “alright, that means we’re the lead with Hostage Rescue and Support. Let’s go!”

He runs to his office and grabs his go bag, he shoves his phone in the bag, makes sure his gun is still on his hip and his badge and wallet in the back pocket of his suit pants. He doesn’t bother bringing his suit jacket, he honestly doesn’t even remember to take it as he bounds down the stairs and runs to the elevator.

They all rush to the plane as quickly as possible, it’s always fueled and ready to go, so getting into the air takes less than 15 minutes. Once in the air, they open up their laptop and Penelope patches over a live feed of the Colorado news.

“It turned deadly when the Colorado state police officers tried to serve a warrant. Colorado attorney general, Jim Wells, says the reclusive cult has been the subject of a 6-month weapons investigation”

“6 months?” Morgan repeats. “We didn’t check?”

“Oh, we did,” JJ pipes up, visibly pissed. “I had ATF call Wells and he told ATF there were no pending state investigations. He lied.”

“Why?” Rossi asks, not understanding why he’d lie about that.

“Wells is challenging the governor in the upcoming election,” JJ explains. “He thought that ATF were going to poach his big election-launching weapons bust. Now, it’s clear he didn’t know there were FBI agent’s there, he just thought the best time to serve a state warrant was when the kids were safe inside the school being interviewed.”

“What do we know about the sect?” Rossi poses the question to the group.

Penelope, listening in on a video call the whole time, flips the screen from the news to her face. “Liberty Ranch was founded in 1980 by Libertarian Leo Kane. He created it as a self-sustaining commune.”

“Libertarians believe that everyone has the right to do what they want as long as they aren’t infringing not eh rights of others,” Derek points out.

“But libertarians aren’t religious,” Dave reminds them. “Clearly this sect abandoned libertarian principles.”

Aaron takes a deep breath, he’s still anxious, and his heart is racing but he has to get his head in the game. “Benjamin Cyrus, the current leader, introduced religion 8 years ago when Kane left.”

“Garcia, what do we got on Cyrus?” Derek asks her.

“Oh, we got bupkis,” she sounds disappointed. “It's like the guy never cast a shadow on the known universe… however his predecessor, Leo Kane, is doing a 17-year stretch at Deerfield Federal Prison… apparently libertarians do not like paying taxes.”

“17 years for tax evasion?” Derek laughs.

“Oh no, that would be 2 years for tax evasion and 15 years for going after four IRS agents with a Louisville Slugger…” Garcia pressed her lips together awkwardly, what a dumb crime to commit.

“Let’s have Kane brought to the scene,” Hotch instructs her to get the paperwork going. “He’s our best chance at finding out some idea of who we’re dealing with.”

“You got it,” she cheerfully agrees and turns off her camera.

They all settle into their plane seats then. It was a 3-and-a-half-hour flight, all he could do was prep negotiation teams and worry about Y/N. He worried for Reid's safety too, of course, Spencer was like a son to him… his heart just yearned for Y/N and after losing Kate, he can’t bare going through that kind of loss again and so soon.

He felt as though he was destined to only know what it was like to be left, not loved. He had such a tumultuous relationship with his ex-wife, being high school sweethearts also came with high school drama. He graduated a year before her, he was in college and she wanted to see other people. So they took their first break. He was doing law school and she was in teacher's college and they took a second break because his studying took up too much of his time and she felt as though she needed physical attention he couldn’t give her… then he went to Scotland Yard, back when he didn’t know if he wanted to work for Interpol or the FBI and once again distance caused them to go on break a 3rd time. He met Kate Joyner, they had a thing and when he returned to the States he asked Haley to marry him. He should’ve known that she would run once his attention shifted to things other than her. He thought maybe having a baby would change that about her. He thought maybe she loved him— loved their family enough to stay.

He was wrong.

Now he’s divorced, Kates dead and… and he thinks he might be falling in love with his subordinate.

He takes a moment to go to the bathroom on the jet just for a chance to get away from everyone. He leans against the sink and puts his hands over his face, shaking his head with disbelief. It all happened so fast. One minute they’re co-workers and he enjoys working with her and the next she was filling the void in his heart. Mind you, he knew her when he was married, he didn’t have the capacity to see her as anything other than a friend… now that’s all changed.

He took the ring off and his heart searched for warmth. For comfort. For morning coffees and laughter on the drive to work. For late-night chats and gossip about celebrities. For a hand to hold. For a body to cuddle into in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere. For someone to care for him. For Y/N.

He doesn’t know how he’s going to do this. How he’s going to stay calm and cool and collected while he knows she’s in there? He doesn’t know what he’ll do if she’s hurt. He isn’t sure how he’ll make judgements and do the negotiations knowing that every decision he makes could have consequences.

He heads back to his seat to see everyone else is also doing their best to stay calm. They all love Reid and Y/N, and each of them wants to bring their friends home in one piece… he’s not alone in being anxious and worrying for their safety. Maybe he can play it off, maybe they won’t guess he loves her in a way that differs from how they do.

—

Once they land they’re met with bureau issues SUVs and given an escort to the crime scene, all their sirens on, they speed down back county roads causing dust to fly behind them and rocks to flick up from under their wheels, hitting the car behind them.

When they arrive at the Hostage Negotiation and Support Command Centre, Aaron lets Morgan and JJ head in to set up and he pulls Dave aside. “They’ve left the choice of negotiators up to me.”

“I taught most of the hostage negotiation unit,” Dave reminds him. “You want a recommendation?”

“I’m making you lead negotiator.”

“Me?” Dave can’t believe him.

“why go to the students when I have the teacher,” he simplifies his decision.

“because the teacher is emotionally involved,” Dave spits back. “So is the agent in command.” He stares Aaron down, watching for any facial moment that would give way to just how much he cares for Y/N. Of course, he knew.

He gives in, looking down to the ground, he can’t explain how much this is hurting him. “I know I am. This is a unique situation. We have two agents who could affect the outcome on the inside.”

“True, but I can’t be objective. I know them too well!”

“This outcome depends as much on our ability to predict the moves of Y/N and Reid as much as it does Cyrus,” Aaron explains. “That’s why you’re the best man for the job.”

“Assuming that Spencer and Y/N—” he puts weight on her name to make Aaron know he caught that. The use of her first name and Spencer's last, it’s a hierarchy of needs. He knows Aaron subconsciously wants her safe just the tiniest bit more than Reid. “Are still in a condition to make moves.”

“I-I know how bad this is,” Aaron says, voice dropping down to a whispered tone. “That’s why I want you doing the talking. I need you doing the talking.”

“Alright,” Dave gives—.

“You’re obviously not in charge, I can see that!!!” A man's voice bellows through the air.

“I’m sorry sir, I’m under direct orders from the FBI,” one of the hostage negotiation team members explains.

“I’m the attorney General of this state, I demand to know why I wasn’t told the FBI was sending undercover agents into the Separatarian Ranch?”

It’s Wells. The man who got them stuck in the position, to begin with.

Aaron starts walking away from Dave, driven by anger, he walks right up to the man. “The only thing that you’re in a position to demand is a lawyer.”

“Who the hell are you?” The man asks as if he’s about to laugh at Aaron's voice of authority.

“I’m Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief. I’m the guy who’s going to tell the Attorney General of the United States whether to charge you obstructing a federal investigation of negligent homicide,” Aaron spits back, getting more in this man's face.

“You can’t talk to me like that.”

Aaron takes another step in, towering over the man, “Get off my crime scene.”

And just like that, the man cowers, running away to his car and driving away.

Aaron turns to the other man, the one who was trying to answer Wells’ questions before. Aaron knew him from the bureau. “Hey Dan, you know Dave Rossi?”

“Sure do,” Dan smiles, reaching over to shake Dave's hand.

“We’ve been here before, haven’t we?” Dave jokes.

“Waco, Ruby Ridge, Freeman standoff,” Dan recounts. “Let's hope someone listens to you guys this time.”

“Oh, they did more than listen. They put us in charge,” Dave announces, hands on his hips, ready to go.

“So bring us up to speed?” Aaron asks.

“I've sent the state police packing. They started this mess and lost a man in the process. I hope that’s okay?”

“If you hadn’t we would’ve.”

“Good.”

“The county Sheriffs have had no run-ins with the sect, so we’re using them as support. We’ve had no contact with them so far. they’re got power. Solar. We can shoot out the panels if you think—

“No, no that’s an escalation,” Dave shoots that down.

“Okay, that means they have access to the news,” Dan reminds them.

“I’ll get JJ to talk to the press. Are your men ready to be briefed?” Aaron asks. Dan nods. “Let's go.”

Inside the trailer they’ve set up for secure meetings, Derek, Dave and Aaron start to give the preliminary profile and brief. There’s only a handful of men, which is best. Having too many cooks in the kitchen leads to chaos. 6-10 people, that’s much more manageable.

“We call this the Minimal Loss scenario,” Dave explains. “Every person we get out is a life saved. We won’t save them all. All of us have t be prepared to accept that situation.” He looks over at Hotch and then presses his lips together awkwardly.

Derek steps up to the whiteboard and picks up a marker, “cults are structured like pyramids.” He explains while drawing a triangle on the board. “You got the leader at the top, die-hard believers beneath… and the biggest group, the base. The followers.” He makes a point to circle that group and look at the other men. “Women and children are in this group. These are the people we can save.”

“The ‘trickle, flow, gush’ strategy is designed to get the base followers out,” Aaron explains. “First one or two, then three or four, then as many as we can, as fast as we can. And if at any point it starts to go bad. We go in.”

“The leaders are charismatic sociopaths who target the most susceptible to their seduction. They have the ability to see what each person needs and then they become that thing. We have to undermine their perception that we’re an invading army laying siege to their homes,” Dave explains.

“We’ll lose the fatigues,” Dan assures them. Losing the army look will make them much more approachable. “Ranchers clothes work for you? Like we did at the Freeman standoff?”

“Perfect. Anything we can do to demilitarize the situation,” Dave agrees. “But that’s about it… we have to make first contact and then we can act accordingly from there.”

“We have a phone set up for you guys outside by the lookouts,” Dave explains. “Nightfall is coming, they’ll be the most in need when it’s dark. We should call then.”

“Agreed,” Aaron nods.

--

Dave hits the speed dial button for the ranch, they wait for 5 or 6 rings and then they answer. “you killed my mommy and daddy, are you going to kill me too?” A little girl's voice answers, on speakerphone for everyone to hear.

“No one is going to kill you, honey,” Dave assures.

“This is Benjamin Cyrus, who am I talking to?” Comes down the line mere seconds later.

“David Rossi. I’m an FBI agent. We’ve sent the state police away, there’s just us and the local sheriff now. All we want to do is resolve this before anyone else gets hurt,” he explains.

“Then leave us alone.”

“I’m afraid we can’t do that, Benjamin, one of the police bled out on the way to the hospital,” he explains, wondering if they haven’t watched the news yet. “So let's just stop this before things get worse. Please, just put the guns down and come out.”

“we’re believers Dave,” Benjamin starts. “We believe that god says what he means and means what he says. His laws don’t depend on what state you live in.”

“I have no issue with your beliefs,” Dave reminds him.

“You don’t. But the state does,” Benjamin is clearly pissed off that any of this happened today.

That makes two of them.

“I can’t answer for other people,” Dave states.

“God will answer for everyone in the final battle that I’ve foreseen.”

Aaron sighs, leaning his head back and shaking it. He hates these religious types. Rossi makes eye contact with him as he keeps talking, “That’s why I’m here. To make sure that this is not that battle.”

“We shall see…”

Sounds more like a taunt.

“Now the three child services workers—

“one is dead,” Benjamin interjects.

Aaron's heart sinks down to his stomach further, he feels like he could be sick. They all have the same look on their faces.

“It wasn’t us,” Ben assures them. “It happened in the standoff, a stray bullet flying into our chapel clipped her.”

“We need a name, so I can alert the family,” Dave explains. Hoping to pry it out of him.

“Nancy Lund,” he says and everyone lets a wave of relief selfishly pass over themselves.

“Okay, now please, Benjamin, send out your wounded. I promise you they’ll be taken care of,” Dave asks. Trying to start the trickle.

“With enough supplies, we can tend to our own,” Benjamin explains. They’re not leaving any time soon.

“Okay, I need a few hours to put it together,” he explains. “I’ll bring them up myself at first light.”

Without a goodbye or a thank you, Cyrus hangs up.

They head back into the trailer after that, prepping med kits and retrofitting any electronics that get sent in with small microphones so they can spy on their every movement and plan. Aaron’s just excited for the chance to hear her voice again and know she’s okay.

“I’m going to go in and double-check that the kids, Y/L/N and Reid are okay,” Dave announces as he walks back into the trailer.

“Rossi, at least let me go with you?” Derek bags.

“No,” he shakes his head. “This is about building trust. I go alone.”

“I want the parabolic arc mics fixed on every window in that structure,” Dan announces to the rest of his crew.

“They won’t pick up much,” one of them pipes up. “They have blinds on all the windows, unless they’re shouting the glass won’t vibrate enough for us to get audio.”

“Well if they’re not shouting, these bugs will pick 'em up… at least until the batteries die,” Dan assures them, screwing the back onto an electronic thermometer. “How familiar are your agents with our playbook?”

“The BAU wrote the CIRG handbook,” Aaron reminds him. “They’ll know that we’re trying to get ears in there at all times.”

“Good, let’s hope they can get these people talking.”

“They will.”

—

At first light, Aaron sits at the listening station with a mug full of freshly brewed coffee and his headphones on, listening to everything as Rossi drives up to the compound.

He hears their introduction, muffled through the boxes of supplies. He hears Cyrus spout some more godly bullshit and claim he’s trying to protect the children. He’s not ready to let any of them go now, so Dave shakes his hand and heads out on his way. As soon as the door is closed, Cyrus says: “Prepare the wine.”

There’s a shuffling sound as everyone moves around the room, the elders no doubt do everything Cyrus says and the women and children stay seated. After a few minutes, he hears Cyrus again, muffled but there, saying something about being 1 day closer to god…

“Look at Jessica's body language,” Y/N’s voice can be heard as though she’s standing right beside the box of supplies. “The way she looks at him.”

“She literally worships him there’s no way she made that 911 call?” Spencer questions next.

Derek and Aaron look at each other, nodding with a small smile, they’re okay. Not safe, but okay.

“Look at how she comes between Cyrus and her daughter,” Y/N speaks again. “She’s inserting herself between them…”

Cyrus is getting everyone to drink just as Dave is running back into the trailer. “Reid and Y/L/N are okay.”

“what about Cyrus?” Derek asks.

“He's too calm? It's like he was waiting for this to happen?” Dave suggests. “And now that it has he feels vindicated.”

“Hey guys,” Dan calls their attention back to the headsets.

“We’ll be with him soon. We have drank the poison together,” Cyrus’ voice is heard.

They all turn to each other with horrified expressions. “What the fuck?” Aaron exclaims, “I thought you said he was calm?”

“He was! He wanted me to think nothing was going on, he’s a master manipulator! We have to take everything he says and does with a grain of salt,” Dave reminds him.

“We need to go in!” Derek shouts, gathering his things with Dan.

“If we go in there people are gonna die!” Dave shouts.

“People are already dying!” Aaron shouts back, headset pressed to his good ear, he’s still listening to Cyrus preach.

“What do we do?” Y/N whispers.

“Nothing,” Spencer assures her.

“We have to do something these people just took poison!” She snaps back at Reid.

“I don’t think they did?”

“Wait! Wait!” Aaron gathers them all back towards him. “Listen,” he switches the audio playback to the speakers.

“Cyrus just told them they did, I think he’s bluffing,” they hear Spencer’s whisper loud and clear.

“Why do you think that?” Y/N asks.

“Just after he told them they took the poison he waited for them to react and then he nodded to Cole who started to note down everyone who looked sad, look…. They're scanning the audience for the people who are fine with dying now and who are a bit skeptical. This is their way of narrowing down the true believers and those who he can send out to Rossi,” Spencer explains. “He’s smart enough to possibly know our strategies, he wants to send out a trickle of people and then do something during the gush…”

“Jim Jones pulled the same stunt,” Rossi reminds everyone, agreeing with Reid. “They did a test run just like this years before they did the real thing.”

“Dan, prepare your men to go in but not before I give you the go-ahead,” Aaron points back to him. “We need to wait just a few more minutes, if I hear Y/L/N or Reid say anything about people falling sick or passing out, we go in.”

“Got it!”

Aaron covers his hand over his mouth and hopes to god he doesn’t have to send men in there. They already lost one social service member in the crossfire, he can’t lose his agents too.

“Be still, there was no poison,” Cyrus speaks. “Instead a test of faith BECAUSE YOUR ADVERSARY THE DEVIL WALKETH ABOUT AS A ROARING LION!! Choosing who he may devour. Watch each other for signs of weakness. You are your brother's keeper.”

“Dan!” Aaron calls out to him, he comes popping his head back into the trailer. “Stand down, Cyrus said it was a rouse.”

JJ comes walking in behind him, “The former sect leader just arrived.”

“I got it,” Derek volunteers himself. “call me if there are updates.” He says as he leaves, holding his phone up to assure them he has it.

“Charles Mulgrew, convicted in Kentucky at the age of 18. Three counts of statutory rape,” Penelope says through the phone, recounting her findings to the whole team now… well, the free 4.

“So we need to talk to the warden,” Derek says with a sigh.

“Way ahead of you there, honey,” she assures him, making Derek crack a small smile. “Mr. Kentucky Warden said that once inside, Mulgrew found religion and became a model citizen.”

“Well it’s not that hard to behave when you’re in protective custody,” Derek reminds her.

“General populations a rough place for a child molester,” Hotch adds.

“No, no, no, I don’t think guys understand he was a Model Citizen. This guy volunteered at the prison hospital,— the aids ward, he was reading to prisoners dying of HIV… he was emulating saint,” Penelope explains father.

“Good stuff, mama,” Derek compliments her the way he always does.

“Damn straight now you get our friends back, baby,” she says before clicking off the call to do more digging.

“Well,” Dave stands a little straighter and sucks in a deep breath. “This makes things worse.”

“What? That he’s a model citizen?” Derek laughs.

“That he’s been to prison,” Dave looks at him, he’s completely serious. There’s no room for giggles now.

Derek closes his eyes for a moment and his shoulders drop, “right. He knows what happens to child molesters there…”

“If the current sexual allegations are true and he thinks we know it, he’s not coming out of there,” Hotch agrees.

“Then we have to make him think he’s not going back to prison,” Dave assures.

“JJ,” Aaron calls back into the main tent for her. “I need you to release a press statement saying that we have absolutely no evidence of sexual allegations.”

JJ comes marching back over to them, sweaty and exhausted, she rests her hands on her pregnant belly and shakes her head, “You need to see this, pop the laptop open. Click on the news tab and play the audio…”

They follow her instructions, gathering around the laptop they see the same news guy from yesterday, he’s set up a little camp for himself in the hills somewhere. He has a perfect view of the ranch and he’s keeping his voice low.

“Now well into its second day, the standoff at the Separatarian Sect Ranch is now been taken over by the FBI. There is much speculation in regard to hostages, but anonymous sources inside the state attorney general's office have told us there is an undercover FBI agent currently being held inside the ranch. Hostage negotiators say they are making headway with the sect's leadership and are hopeful for a positive outcome. There is still no word as to why an undercover FBI agent was sent in alone…”

“Are you fucking Kidding me?” Hotch stands, anger than ever before. “I’m going to I’m going to wring that fuckers neck. I’m going to make his life a living hell.”

“Hotch,” JJ can’t believe those words left his mouth.

“You two,” he points at Derek and Dave, “you get to the parabolic mics and listen in as best as you can. JJ I want you to circle back with Penelope and tell her she can dig into Wells' life as hard as she can and you can reach out to the press with dirt on him. He wants to win the election so bad he’s willing to get federal agents dead, then we’re going to air all his dirty laundry.”

“Got it,” JJ likes that idea and runs back into the tent to make her calls.

Dave and Derek run to the parabolic mic station, leaving Aaron to head back inside and listen to the other spy mics they sent in.

There’s a silent chatter in the church, the mics are picking up more now that they’re not trapped inside boxes and surrounded by supplies. There are a few different angles they get based on what supply was places where. They’re all synced up, playing at the same time and able to be pinpointed for spy-in on individual conversations.

Suddenly, they hear the sound of a struggle, “Get off me! I can walk without you pulling my fucking hair!” Y/N’s voice shouts back.

“FBI scum like you don't get to give orders,” one of Cyrus’ goons speaks back to her and then he hears a slap.

Y/N groans at the pain and Aaron covers his mouth. He’s never been this anxious in his whole life. He wants to run down there, break in and kick the shit out of anyone who laid a hand on her. And then it gets worse.

More mics pick up the sound of the struggle. They hear what Aaron supposes is her body being dragged as she struggles and then the sound of her smacking the concrete. It sounded hard. Like she hit her head.

“I thought I told you not to put me in this position!” Cyrus shouts. Slamming the door behind himself.

Of course, he wouldn’t do this in front of the members.

He slaps her again, the sound of her struggle makes Aaron want to throw up. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands. One second he’s covering his mouth then holding the headphones to his ears and the next he’s just holding them out for no reason. He listens in as she keeps getting hit. Punched, kicked, slapped… he really hopes that this is the extent of Cyrus’ abuse. If he had to hear anything else…. He would actually throw up all over everything.

“We’ve gotta go in,” Aaron says as he takes the headphones off. Derek and Rossi come running into the trailer then.

“We can’t go in,” Dave reminds him. “We’d be risking the lives of everyone in there.”

He knows Dave is right, Dan’s put the sound of her struggle on the speaker for everyone to hear and Aaron can’t escape it. The sound of her being hit again and again, moaning from the pain, she’s struggling to defend herself.

“Get up!” Cyrus says, hauling her up and then punching her in the face again. She slams into something this time, there’s the sound of a window or glass or something shattering and then her crying.

“Proverbs 20:30 tells us blows and wounds cleanse evil,” he spouts his bullshit at her. Then he growls, tossing her in another direction and she falls to the floor once more.

She cries, breathing in sounds like it hurts as she whines as she does so, “I can take it!”

“Oh, you can take it?” Cyrus just gets more pissed at that. He slaps her again and she cries more.

“I can take it!”

“Listen to what she’s saying…” Dave suggests.

“She’s antagonizing him!” Derek gets defensive, on Hotch’s side and wants to go in.

“She’s not talking to him, she’s telling us not to come in,” Aaron agrees with Dave, bowing his head, he hates that he’s right.

He can’t take this anymore. He gets up and leaves the room, Dave can listen to the rest. He has to step outside, away front he watchful eye of everyone there and around behind the trailer. He rests his back against it and sinks down to the floor, his face in his hands. He cries.

The weight of everything comes crashing down on him in that moment. He lost his wife. He hasn’t seen his son for more than a few hours in the last 6 months, his friend and colleague died in his arms in the middle of the street and he almost died too. The only good thing that’s happened in all of this is that he’s gotten closer to Y/N.

If anything happens to her he’s going to actually go insane. He may have joked about it before, when he was off work and had nothing to do… but now it feels real. He can’t lose her. He can’t go through the trauma of burying another friend. He can’t imagine losing another woman he loves. Cause he does love her. He loves her more than he should love a co-worker.

It all started when he got divorced. He never had eyes for any other woman but his wife, however, after the divorce… he found himself enjoying her company for reasons other than friendship. Sure, getting coffee together in the mornings was nice and he didn’t care for her choice of TV shows but hearing her talk and knowing her opinions on things felt special to him. He knew a side of her that no one else on the team knew.

And sleeping beside her didn’t help his crush either. She was so soft. She cuddled into him like she was always meant to be there. When he woke up that next morning, spooned into her, he could smell her hair and he had his hand on her stomach… under her shirt. As if in the night they got even closer than either one of them ever thought possible.

Derek comes out to find him just a few minutes later. Aaron’s managed to wipe his tears and pull himself together a bit, he accepts Derek's hand and gets pulled back up to his feet. “They took her to another room but there are blinds on the windows so we can’t hear anything.”

Aaron just nods. “I don’t know why she did that, why she put herself in danger like that.”

“He probably held a gun to one of them and got them to confess, he did that to get Kane out of the ranch, too,” Derek theorizes. “Maybe she confessed to get him off Reid? Reid’s only in there because he knows the bible so well, he can get on Cyrus’s good side and help us out. She knew that.”

“Still,” Aaron can’t really argue.

“I know you love her, man, but we’ve got a job to do,” Derek whispers. “I feel the same way about Spencer.”

Aaron’s a little shocked to hear that but then again, not? It makes sense. The teasing, the closeness, the room sharing… that time Spencer missed his flight to hang out with another man he knew as a teenager. There were signs there from both of them, he just never thought to read them until now.

Aaron stares into his eyes, the two men would do anything for their team already, knowing they both loved someone in the ranch, which made them even more eager to do this right. “So let’s get them out of there.”

Back inside the trailer, Rossi has the speakers on still, and Reids talking. “Nancy said she was a child abuse interview expert from Denver. In the four years I’ve worked with her, Nancy’s never lied to me before.”

“As far as you know,” Cyrus spoke, believing him. “Their law says that a 15-year-old girl is a child when just 50 years ago that same law said that a 14-year-old was an adult. Have children changed so much in 50 years?”

“I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve investigated abuse charges against small religious groups… most all of them turn out to be false,” Reid lies to him. Successfully.

“What do you think of that?”

“What does it matter what I think?”

“It matters to me,” Cyrus assures him.

“Why?”

“Because god wants to save you,” Cyrus spouts.

“I swear to god if Cyrus comes out of there alive I’m going to beat him to death with my bare hands,” Derek mumbles under his breath to Hotch.

“Get in line.”

“I mean, that’s why god sent you here, isn’t it?” Cyrus poses, making reid feel like he’s a part of them now.

“I think… on the next call you should test them,” Reid suggests. “Test the negotiator. Make him prove that he isn’t a liar.”

“How would you suggest do that?”

“Ask for the identity of the FBI agent—

“We already know her identity,” his goon responds for him.

“They don’t know that we know,” Cyrus agrees with Reid.

“but the FBI would never tell is that?” The goon responds again.

“They keep asking you to release people, say you’ll release a kid only if they tell you her identity and if they really care about the children they’ll have to tell you her identity,” Spencer tries harder to get Cyrus on his side.

“You’re trying to get us to release a child!” The man fights with Reid.

“It’s one kid,” Spencer talks to him like he’s an idiot. “If they don’t hold up on their end of the deal then you know they can’t be trusted.”

“He’s right,” Cyrus ultimately agrees.

“Reid has ‘em,” Rossi turns back to them, clearly proud of the kid.

“What is it, Christopher?” Cyrus asks his friend.

“Well… some of them have been talking about… leaving?” He poses the suggestion.

“Leaving?” Cyrus repeats.

“yeah…”

“Wake the baby. Let them see the orphan they’ve made.”

“Okay, everyone!!” Hotch calls out of the trailer, getting the other's attention. “We’re about to get a call, we should expect some members to be released shortly. Get ready for phase one.”

Everyone rushes around then. Preparing to make room for the followers, cars are called in to collect people and take them to a hotel for the night and a few ambulances show up in case anyone is in need of medical support.

But no call comes in.

They wait all night until the sun comes up. But nothing.

“They’re probably going to ask when we call them,” Rossi suggests. “I’ll give my morning call at 6.”

“Okay,” Hotch agrees. “Morgan, I want you to take the truck up to the ranch and collect the little girl, if anyone else is released, Dan will come up and help escort them over here.”

“Yes sir.”

—

Rossi calls in right at 6. They haven’t heard anything else over the mics or through the windows. Most of the members must’ve been asleep in the chapel overnight. Sleeping in pews or on the floor… they all must be exhausted and mostly ready to leave now that the condition of their stay has changed.

“Good morning, Ben, how are you today?” Rossi speaks to him cheerfully.

“We are prepared to release a child if you tell me the identity of the FBI agent promise no harm will come to them from this point forward,” Cyrus leads right into it.

A wave of relief washes over Aaron.

“I can’t give you that information,” Rossi eggs him on.

“I will send the child now.”

Aaron waves his hand to Dan who’s got eyes on the ranch, a little girl has started to walk out of the compound and is standing in the gravel driveway. Dan motions to Derek who’s already taking his gun off and handing it to Hotch who hands him a radio in return. He takes off to the truck then, one of the other men drives Derek up and they watch on the cameras as Derek calmly collects the little girl and gets her into the truck safely.

“I’m taking a big risk here Ben,” Dave tries to play it cool with him.

“Trust is earned,” Cyrus reminds him.

“Her name is Y/N Y/L/N,” Rossi says her full name. “She came in with two child service workers to talk to the girls.”

“There’s a good chance we can work this out, Dave” Cyrus assures him. “I’m gonna provide another sign of good faith.”

“You’re doing a good thing here,” Dave assures him. Hyping up his confidence, getting on his good side.

Cyrus hangs up after that and they rely back to the microphones. “Assemble everyone in the chapel. Get agent Prentiss back down here,” Cyrus orders Christopher.

“This is it,” Aaron assures Dave and Dan. “We’ve started the trickle, it’s about to flow. We need to be prepared for women in children to be released as well as some of their husbands who’ve lost faith in Cyrus.”

Just as they thought, 10 minutes after the order to gather everyone, Cyrus starts to explain why he has them all gathered there. He points out that some of them have lost their faith, that he no longer can support people who don’t support him and his god. And then he starts to name names.

“He looks pissed?” They hear Y/N whisper.

Of course, the two of them would stand where they could be heard the best by the others.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” she assures Spencer.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers to her.

“Look at who he’s releasing,” Y/N says again.

“It’s the ones who failed the loyalty test,” Spencer explains. “I’ll get word to the team. You wait for a sign from the outside that will tell us when the raid will come.”

The room goes quiet for a few moments and then they heard, “Take her back.”

Y/N was being sent back to whatever room they had her locked in, in the first place. They need to figure out where that would be… they need to be able to find her during the raid and get her out of there safely.

“Those of you standing, collect your belongings and meet in the main hall immediately,” Cyrus orders.

Not long after that, they start to see a bunch of people start to leave the chapel. Just then, Cyrus calls them. They send Dan and his guys out to collect the survivors and Hotch listens in on the phone call.

“We will surrender tomorrow at noon, we want the press there to make sure that we’re treated fairly,” Cyrus makes them a deal. “We’ll discuss the details tomorrow at our 7 am call… I’ll see you then Dave.”

“I look forward to it,” Dave agrees.

“Oh, and one more thing, could you send in some food in?” He requests.

“Sure, what would you like?” Dave pretends to be hospitable but by the look on his face, Aaron can tell he rather take a bite out of a leather shoe than keep this act up.

“Fried chicken, all the fixings.”

“You got it! I’ll have it brought right up to you.” Dave hangs up and shakes his head. “I hate this mother fucker.”

“I don’t understand, why did you let them go?” Another goon asks, more like, demands to know from Cyrus.

“They weren’t prepared to do what was needed of them,” Spencer butts in.

“Yeah, no offence but you’re not one of us so shut the fuck up,” he spits back at Spencer.

“Listen to him,” Cyrus sides with Reid. “Tell him, Spencer.”

“They failed the test,” Spencer explains. “They-they had a chance to prove their faith when Cyrus told them that they’d sacrificed themselves for god, but instead they showed they weren’t worthy…. That’s why he wants the media to bear witness to your true final act of sacrifice.”

“how do you know that?” The man asks.

“I’m always looking for signs of things to come.”

“Spencer’s asking us for what time to expect the raid,” Dave understands his meaning right away. “He’s telling us this is it! Time is running out! We’ve gotta go in!”

—

The food arrives around mid-day, and they have it delivered to the trailer first. They examine it all to make sure nothing's been tampered with by the restaurant and then they get it all boxed up and ready to go.

“We obviously can’t spike the food 'cause there are kids,” Aaron explains to Dan. “So we need to find another way to alert Spencer that there is a raid coming…”

Just then he picks up a red Sharpie marker and writes on the lid of the chicken box. “New management, open until 3 AM tonight!!” He underlines it a few times and then repeats it on the boxes for the corn and mashed potatoes and biscuits. Spencer has to see it somewhere.

Aaron and Derek are so positive that Spencer can find a way to prepare for the raid inside and figure out a way to get the women and children out of harm's way when Derek, Dave and Dan come crashing through the doors. He’s not going, he has to stay back with JJ and oversee the whole operation. He hates it. But it’s his job.

Derek and Dave go up to the ranch to deliver the food and just as there’s a commotion at the door and everyone is busy at the ranch, the parabolic mikes pick up Y/N’s voice.

“AARON!” Dan yells for him from outside, causing him to rush down to him.

“What?” He fears for the worst.

“it’s Y/N, she’s listening to the blinds with her high-heeled boot and we can hear her, listen,” he hands him the headphones.

“If you can hear me, I know you’re coming. I can try to get the women and children down to the tunnel but I need to know when you’re coming.”

She keeps repeating those two sentences over and over.

“come on,” Aaron gets up, grabs a riffle with a laser scope and they head to the hill closest to the ranch. Dan follows behind him with the transmitter, listening in on what Y/N’s saying still.

He points the gun right at the window and she sees the laser shine against the wall in the room she’s trapped in.

“I got you, what time are you coming in?”

He blinks the laser 3 times.

“3 am?”

He keeps the beam steady and nods the gun, up and down, as if he’s nodding yes.

“Got it. Reid is on the first floor somewhere with Cyrus, and please remember there are children here... someone's coming,” she’s quick to pull her foot away from the window and they lose signal with her.

Dan starts to retreat, leaving Hotch there with the gun and a hopeful feeling. “Hang in there, sweetheart.”

—

At 2:15 AM they start preparing for the raid. Swat is called in, they’ve got a supply of Humvees supplied by the army, weapons, ammunition, and tear gas. They’re ready to go. All without Aaron.

Aaron has his headset on and his radio with him, listening in on the Sect while also in contact with the team as they make their way closer to the ranch.

They know somethings up, that somethings coming… they should’ve cut the lights to the Humvees and gone in there blind.

Cyrus heads outside of the chapel, points his gun in the air and starts shooting the sky, gathering attention from the media just over the hill. He wants them to see how this all goes down.

Luckily, Cyrus just doesn’t know how much they know. When Derek met with the previous leader, Kane, he drew them a map of the whole facility. Secret tunnels, bunkers, you name it, they know where it is. So that’s where they go in.

On the radio he hears Dan give the go-ahead for phase one, the men storm the tunnel exit and surprise the guard down there with flash grenades and tear gas, subduing him. The men force their way inside, they drag the guard to the corner and cuff him up so he can’t cause any trouble and within seconds, Derek is on the radio.

“Y/N’s here, she got the women and children down to the tunnels,” Derek alerts him. “I’m sending them out to you, Dan.”

“Ten-4, I have a vehicle ready to transport them to safety,” Dan responds.

“They’ve wired explosives,” Derek alerts through the radio. “We need to move, now!”

Aaron throws on a bulletproof vest then and starts to run out of the tent, “where are you going!?” JJ calls after him.

“to help get them as far away from the blast as possible this is an all-hands-on-deck situation!” He yells back and keeps running.

He runs as fast as he can, following the dimly lit dirt road up to the chapel, he can see the women and children running out of the tunnels and towards the front of the building. “Over here! This way!” He calls to them, “Over here! You need to get away from the building!”

“Aaron!” Y/N shouts, as the last one to leave the tunnel, she ushers the women and children towards him and hobbles along as fast as she can.

She runs right into his arms, and they both make an audible “oof,” as their chests collide but he holds her close. “You’re okay?”

“I’m okay,” she assures him, pulling back, she turns to face the others, “Keep moving, follow the lights, head to that tent back there!”

They usher them up the road, keeping them at a safe distance from the building, he rests his hand on her back and when she turns to him again, he uses his other hand to cradle her face. He can’t really see in the dark, but he can tell she’s all beaten and bruised, “are you sure—

“I’m fine, we need to go back in there, they have Spencer,” she worries, almost in tears. “It’s bad Aaron, the whole building is rigged to go, they have TNT and gas everywhere, in every hallway way, doorway, support beam… it’s going to go up like a fucking tinderbox.”

“Dereks got it,” he assures her. “They’ll be okay.” She doesn’t look like she believes him, so he pulls her in closer again and cradles her head. “It’s going to be okay.”

They hear a few shots then, followed by the chapel door flying open, Derek and Spencer come running out of the building, and Dave comes running out of the tunnel exit with Dan just as the building goes up in flames.

“Jesse,” Y/N whispers, shocked.

They rush to the building, running up the few concrete steps toward where Derek and Spencer were knocked down by the blast. Aaron picks up Derek, Y/N picks up Spencer and as a team, they retreat away from the fire. At a safe distance, they all stop, turn to the blaze and realize they made it. All of them.

Y/N pulls Spencer into her arms, breaking out in a sob, she crumbles. Her knees give way and Spencer does his best to keep her upright, Aaron steps in and supports her, and Derek too. “We did it,” Spencer whispers, “we’re okay.”

“We’re okay,” she repeats, absolutely exhausted from everything she’s been through.

“We need a medic!” Aaron calls, “Someone, please, get a stretcher over here!”

“I’m fine, I’m okay,” she tries to push them away, standing on her own two feet again but she’s wobbly.

“No, you’re not,” Aaron argues with her. “You got beat up, I heard it all. You’re not okay, I don’t care how strong you think you are you’re—

She reaches out and covers his mouth, “Stop yelling at me, my head is killing me.”

“Sorry,” he apologizes, wrapping his arm under her to support her, he helps her down the stairs just as the ambulance is pulling up to the church.

—

It doesn’t take long for both Y/N and Reid to get checked out by the paramedics. Spencer has some general ringing in his ear from being so close to a blast, and Y/N has a concussion and severe abdominal bruising. They don’t suspect any internal bleeding, but they advise her to have someone watch her all night and to go to the hospital if she feels sick or light-headed.

Derek offers to drive himself, Reid, Rossi and Y/N back to the hotel, JJ and Hotch just have to finish up a few things and then they’ll join, but she turns down Derek's request. “I’m going to stay with Aaron and JJ,” she whispers, not really wanting to talk unless she has to. “You guys head out, it’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” Spencer gives her his puppy dog eyes.

She nods, giving him a sweet smile, “Yeah, I don’t think I can handle Derek's driving right now.”

“Fair enough,” Rossi pats her shoulder, heading off after Derek.

“Okay,” Spencer understands the real reason why she isn’t going, he looks at her and then at Aaron. He’s not dumb. Far from it, actually. Of course, he knows there’s something going on between them… Aaron just wonders what it is on her side.

“Spence,” she stops him, pulls him in for another hug and holds him there. She whispers something in his ear, something Aaron can’t hear, but by the look on Spencer’s face, it’s sweet. When she pulls back, she speaks louder. “You come get me if you need anything, I mean anything… okay?”

“I will, thank you,” he smiles before turning away and heading off to the SUV.

She comes to sit beside Aaron after that, he’s filing out some paperwork about the supplies they used and Dan’s signing off on everything, too. JJ’s wrapping up from things on the phone with the state, and firefighters are now on the scene putting out the blaze… it’s a commotion, but he doesn’t care about anything other than Y/N.

He reaches out for her hand, under the table, he holds it and looks at her. Asking if she’s okay with just his eyes.

She nods, “I’m tired.”

“I can do the rest of this,” Dan offers.

“Yeah?”

He nods, “Yeah, you guys go get some rest, you’ve done more than enough for us.”

“Okay,” Aaron doesn’t fight it, he simply lets go of her hand and starts to stand up, helping her up too. “Come on, let’s get you out of here… JJ?”

She’s still on the phone but peaks her head over, asking what’s up with her facial expression.

“We’re heading out, come on.”

She holds up her finger, asking for just a second, which is good. It gives him a chance to pack up his things and help Y/N into the passenger seat of their SUV. JJ comes rushing over not 2 minutes later, the phone still pressed to her ear, she gets in the back seat and all they hear is “Thank you so much, half our team should be there in a few minutes, we’re about 30 minutes out… thank you, again, bye.”

“Good to go?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah, and I got us all hotels for tonight Rossi is alone, Derek is with Reid and I will partner with Hotch tonight so Y/N can be alone and—

She cuts JJ off. “I don’t want to be alone,” she says in a low tone. It hurts to talk. “Not with my concussion.”

“Oh,” JJ didn’t expect that. “Um, I guess we can be together, Hotch can be alone?”

She shakes her head, “No, mama you go be alone for the night, I’m sure you’re exhausted. You’ve done so much these last two days, Hotch can babysit me, make sure I don’t die in my sleep.”

“Don’t even joke about that,” he looks over at her, completely serious. “You’re okay, the paramedics said it’s not too serious, you’re going to be fine.”

“I was kidding,” she gives him a sweet smile.

It doesn’t take long for them to get to the hotel, they check in, they’re handed their room keys and off they go. The double rooms are on the same floor, they’re just across the hall from Derek and Spencer, JJ’s a floor above them and Rossi is on the top floor. He really doesn’t care how much money he spends, he always wants the best rooms.

He carries both their bags upstairs. He had someone go to her other hotel, the one she and Reid were sharing when they arrived, and get her things. He sets them all down on one of the beds and she just stands there, sore and tired. She looks like she wants to cry again. She’s bruising slowly, everything’s getting worse and darker in colour the more time passes.

“Are you okay?”

She nods, “Yeah… I just hurt all over.”

“I don’t want this to come off as weird, or anything,” he prefaces. “But do you need or want help changing? Do you want to take a bath? I can help you get in or out— I won’t look, I promise. I just want you to feel better.”

She laughs lightly, but it hurts to do that. “I don’t think I need help… but thank you.”

“You took such great care of me last month, I just want to repay the favour,” he gives her a small smile.

She takes a step towards him and wraps her arms around his middle, resting her head on his chest. He carefully holds her back, his cheek resting against her head. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“You need a lot more than a bomb to get rid of me,” she teases. He said the same thing in the hospital in New York.

He smiles, dragging his cheek across her hair until his lips are pressed to her head. He kisses her gently, “Come on, let’s get you ready for bed.”

She sighs as she pulls back, “Would it be weird to share a bed tonight? I really don’t want to be alone.”

“Not weird at all,” he assures her.

“Good,” she smiles.

He brings her over to the one bed that their bags are on, they each zip open their own bag and start digging for their things. She takes out her pyjama shirt and her shorts, her little bag of toiletries and her phone charger and then she remembers she doesn’t have a phone anymore. “I can’t believe that fucker blew up all my stuff.”

“We’ll get you a new phone when we get back tomorrow,” Aaron assures her. “Penelope knows to call me if anyone calls work looking for you.”

“Okay, good… I’m going to change in the bathroom first, I’ll call you if I need help?”

“Okay,” he agrees.

He takes the chance to change in the room, he slips out of his khakis and dress shirt and quickly replaces them with a new pair of boxers and a fresh white shirt. It's what he slept in beside her before… that was the best sleep he’s had in years. Even beside his ex-wife he never slept that good.

He heads over to the empty queen bed that their shit isn’t on and folds back the covers for them. He fluffs the pillows and even sets a complimentary bottle of water on each of their night tables, that’s when he remembers he still has medicine in his bag. She emerges from the bathroom soon after, all changed with a soft smile on her face. “Tada?”

“You look nice,” he compliments her. “I uh, I still have some medicine— the T3s…”

“Ooo,” she thinks about it. “I was just going to tough it out but that sounds like a much better option.”

“I just don’t like the idea of you hurting all night long, you’re supposed to be resting,” he reminds her, handing her the pill bottle once she’s closer to him. “There’s water on your side.”

She takes two of them, sets her water down and starts to get into the bed, Aaron stands at her side, watching as she hisses. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” she hums. “Getting punched and kicked in the gut sucked, I’m surprised I don’t have internal bleeding.”

His heart breaks even more, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she waves it off. “Come get in bed.”

Before he does that, he flicks on the lamp on his side of the bed and heads back over to the door to turn off the main light. When he finally slips into bed, she reaches over for his hand and pulls him over so he can spoon her. She just wants to be held. He gently places his hand on her stomach, he doesn’t want to hurt her at all. She lets out a deep sigh, relaxing into his arms and waiting for the pills to kick in.

“I’m really glad they put you in charge of everything,” she whispers. “The second Rossi showed up in the church I knew we were going to be leaving okay.”

“You should’ve heard Morgan scream for me when the situation popped onto the news in the bullpen,” he recounts, still astounded by it himself. “I was just thinking about you when he called for me and then all the phones started going off and I knew we’d be the ones doing the rescuing.”

“You were thinking about me?” She repeats. “What were you thinking about me for?”

“Oh…” he feels suddenly embarrassed. “Just that it was weird not having breakfast together and I was thinking if you didn't drive to the airport, I would’ve driven you home.”

“Awe,” she swoons, she places her hand over his and interlocks their fingers. “We can get lunch together tomorrow after we land… before you take me back to the airport to get my car.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he whispers. “But we’ll have to take it to go…”

“Why?”

“I don't want anyone to think I did that to you,” he explains, a sick feeling in his throat at the mere thought of someone thinking he could hurt her.

“Oh, oh yeah,” she forgot. “Sorry, I’m starting to feel the medicine… if I fall asleep on you, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, go to sleep if you have to,” he assures her. “I’ll be right here all night if you need me.”

“Thank you, Aar,” she mumbles out, already slipping into her slumber. “Love… you.”

His heart skips a beat, he wants to say it back but he doesn’t know how much of that is just the medicine and him taking care of her and how much of it she really, truly means. He doesn’t want to risk it, so he just snuggles in closer, kisses the back of her shoulder and attempts to fall asleep with her.

General Taglist 

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IKP

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[missjanjie]

crygi + 🎵

yes this is technically a cover of a cover but idc i heard this on its own and its gay and i love it

And Then She Kissed Me - St. Vincent

Each day I saw her I couldn't wait to see her again I wanted to let her know that she was more than a friend I didn't know just what to do So I whispered, "I love you" She said that she loved me too And then she kissed me

It was a typical night out for Gigi – drinks, dancing, the potential to bring a cute girl home with her. She was standing near the bar, observing the scene in front of her when someone came up by her and tapped her on the shoulder. “Hm?” 

“Hi, um, I’m Crystal, and you’re really pretty. Do you wanna dance?” She felt utterly out of her element, even at her most confident, she wasn’t the type to walk up to a girl and flirt with her. But Gigi finished her drink and took her by the hand, and she let herself be led out to the floor.

“I’m Gigi, by the way,” she managed to say over the music. Luckily, the inability to hear each other didn’t affect them much – they happily danced until last call, then went over to a nearby diner and got to know each other over a shared plate of fries. 

By the time Crystal was walking Gigi home, it felt like they had known each other for years. Maybe that was why it felt so natural when Crystal kissed her, and why she kissed back without missing a beat. 

The two became inseparable after that. As much as they tried to take things slow, Gigi found herself spending every waking moment thinking about Crystal. It was more than a crush, more than a May-December romance, she was sure of it. It all culminated with Gigi blurting out, “I love you,” while they were watching a movie.

While Crystal was taken back by the suddenness of the confession, it was clear that she wasn’t bothered. On the contrary, she pulled Gigi closer and answered, “I love you too,” and kissed her tenderly. 

And that was how they ended up in their current circumstance – Crystal had taken Gigi home to Missouri so she could meet the parents, something that filled Gigi with anxiety from the moment they got in the uber to the airport. But Crystal had assured her several times over that everything would be fine, that they would love her.

Towards the end of the family dinner, Gigi felt comfortable believing that she had made a good impression on the family. 

Crystal cleared her throat, causing everyone’s eyes to go to her. “So… the reason I brought Gigi home to meet you guys is because I love her very much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I can’t imagine life without her by my side.” Slowly, shakily, she got up from her seat and on bended knee in front of her girlfriend. “Gigi, will you marry me?”  

Gigi fanned her face to keep herself from crying. “Yes, of course!” she beamed, barely giving Crystal enough time to put the ring on her finger before she kissed her, feeling even more satisfaction from it with the knowledge that she got to continue doing that forever.

[drunkpilot]

🛬🍻Typical weekday morning in NYC, feeling the effects of last night’s drinking. Stumbling through the airport as the captain of a flight to Miami, feeling dread. Knew I shouldn’t fly in my condition but had no choice.🛫 As we lifted off, closed my eyes to clear my head but alcohol made it impossible to concentrate.🍻 Thankfully, flight was uneventful. Passengers kept distance, even stewardesses avoided me. But one stewardess caught my eye, stunning woman with long hair & piercing blue eyes. As flight came to a close, asked her out for a drink. To my surprise, she accepted & we hit it off over cocktails at airport bar.🍻But the night didn’t stop there. Stewardess, Anna, had a husband also on flight & he was just as adventurous. We all ended up at my place, exploring each other’s bodies. As sun rose, I knew I had made a mistake. Confessed to my wife & with the help of Anna & her husband, I was able to work through my issues & make amends with my wife. We were able to move past the affair & rebuild our relationship, stronger than ever before. Anna & her husband, we remained friends but I knew our time together had been a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I would never forget.💕 #hangover #nyc #captain #airportbar #mistake #love #recovery (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cn07ZhVSVdi/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[lightshiningforth]

I watched Love Actually for the first time and not only was it a terrible movie in general (way too many plots going on at once, weird power dynamics in most of the relationships, typical 2000s fat phobia and homophobia and sexism), but the most famous scene from that film is BARELY important to the movie overall.

All I knew about this movie was the scene with the flash cards where the guy confesses his love while pretending to be carol singers. It’s been parodied dozens of times. So I was expecting a typical Hallmark-style film where there’s a love triangle and the spurned guy gets the girl in the end.

And it turns out that that love triangle is astoundingly weak and barely important to the plot. Groom is marrying Bride. Best Friend and Groom have tons of chemistry but Best Friend barely talks to Bride and is always hostile to her. Bride logically assumes that Best Friend is jealous of her because of how much he cares for Groom. Sometime after the wedding, Bride-Now-Wife asks Best Friend for the wedding video he took. He’s hesitant to give it to her but she watches it anyway. Gasp! It’s all film of Wife and nothing of Groom-Now-Husband. Wife is baffled because she and Best Friend have literally never spoken more than a few words. Best Friend runs off and they don’t talk about it.

Until he shows up on Christmas with his flash cards. He confesses his feelings (while his supposed best friend is inside!!). He starts to leave, they kiss. And then NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS. We see this love triangle again picking up their friend from the airport as the movie wraps up. Are Wife and Best Friend having an affair? Did they kiss once and move on? Are they a throuple now? Who knows, certainly not the viewers of this movie. Why on Earth is this such an oft-referenced scene? The “romance” it’s part of is practically nonexistent, and gets lost in a movie that has enough romance plots for 10 separate films.

[nemo1230]

Delayed flights and delayed romances

Eddie was exhausted. Suddenly being hit with tons of memories about huge part of his life that had been wiped out of this mind for 27 years, reconnecting with people that had once meant the world to him, and killing a psychopathic killer clown with said people, wasn't the easiest process mentally and physically, nor was being impaled trough the stomach and bleeding out an extreme amount of blood.

So yeah, Eddie was exhausted. It has been a month of being in intense medical care, constantly being surrounded by doctors, the white of hospital walls and the extreme sterile atmosphere. Eddie was pretty sure the smell of medicine had already soaked into his pores, since that's all he could smell these days.

Usually it was fine, being enclosed within hospital walls wasn't anything unfamiliar for him yet sometimes he knew that the shortness of breath, tears that blurred his vision and the panic rising in his mind had nothing to do with his newfound wounds. He wasn't a stranger to panic attacks. He had had them for most of his life, but only now, finally piecing together the missing parts, he understood the roots of them. Finally, after so many years of constantly feeling lost and empty, like something was always missing, but never quite being able to grasp what exactly it was, he could find the explanation to so many things in his life.

For instance, now he knew why he was married to a woman that was the exact replica of his mother. He now understood why he went such extreme lengths worrying about his health. Now, he knew why there always was an empty, hollow space in his heart that he never seemed to be able to fill no matter how hard he tried. At some point he even stopped trying. He just simply let go, continuing to live on with this void, deciding that maybe, he just simply was this way, that there really wasn't any hope for him. That he was meant to lead a meaningless, insignificant life. Also, he now understood why he never in his life felt any real attraction to his wife, nor any other woman for that matter.

But now he knew. In the heat of the moment, there hadn't been much time to entrain that thought, but spending a month in a hospital really did give a lot of time to think. Especially, spending that time with Richie. Richie, trough it all, had stayed with him. The rest of the losers, after a lot of convincing had left to continue their lives. Still, it included a lot of Skype calls multiple times a day.

Yet Richie had stayed. Richie, with his stupid jokes and weird antics that Eddie still rolled his eyes at yet couldn't stop the chuckle that usually escaped him. Richie and his stupid Hawaiian shirts that he still seemed to wear despite it being 27 years passed, Richie and his face that's still as handsome as Eddie remembers it being when they were kids. And Richie and his worried, caring and desperate expression that he sometimes caught having while watching Eddie, when he taught he wasn't looking. But Eddie was always looking. He hadn't been able to take his eyes away from him, if he had to be honest.

Which he found himself doing being while sitting next to Richie in an airport, in New York, waiting for Richie's flight to LA. Once Eddie was discharged from the hospital, Richie had insisted on coming with Eddie to New York to help him. Eddie had said that he's not a baby, and he can do shit by himself, Richie had said he knows that, but he still wants to help, to which Eddie had replied that he already has helped plenty, to which Richie then had loudly said that maybe he just wants to spend more time with Eddie. And that had shut Eddie right up. And that settled it.

Richie had helped Eddie get to his home, patiently waiting outside when Eddie had gone into his house, feeling like he was willingly accepting a death sentence, to tell Myra that he wants a divorce, calmed him down in the car, and then offered Eddie to just come with him to LA. Eddie had said that he needs to think about it.

He did need to think about it indeed, because even though he had finally accepted that he was, in fact, desperately in love with Richie, he didn't want to just throw himself in this whole relationship thing. First, he had to finalize his divorce, because even though his wife was just his childhood trauma making him subconsciously seek out the very same things that had hurt him in the first place as well a result of years of trying to repress his sexuality, by law she still was his wife, so any romantic intercourses with other people would still be cheating. Then, he would probably need to find a job. And a therapist.

And also there always was the slight chance that he was reading this whole thing wrong and Richie really was just being a good friend and his actions held no romantic intent. Oh lord, Eddie really hoped that wasn't the case.

But yeah, anyway. Eddie was exhausted. He was ready to fall into a bed and sleep for days, even though that's pretty much all he's done this past month.

Richie's flights boarding was supposed to start in about 10 minutes when trough the speaker they heard a monotone voice announcing that flight number 232 Air LA to Los Angeles International airport from New York JFK, is delayed by 5 hours.

"For fucks sake, really?!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

Yeah, now Eddie was exhausted and pissed. Five fucking hours? Well, technically, it wasn't his flight, he could leave any time he wanted, but well, the thing was, he didn't. He promised Richie to see him off, and he was determined to keep his promise. He didn't really know why to be fair, Richie wouldn't be angry, he even tried to convince Eddie to go home, or rather the small temporary apartment that he had rented, to rest, but he had refused. Something held him back. Something told him to stay, so he did.

They had fallen into silence after the first hour, both tired and perhaps, for the first time, they were in new territory. A still, simple moment between just the two of them, with nothing to hold them back, besides their own fears. Of course, they had been alone together plenty this last month but never really like this. Before, there always was something bigger standing in the way. Returning to Derry, Pennywise, in the hospital, Eddie’s horrible state, going to New York, Eddie's nerves about having to talk to Myra. But now? Nothing stood between them, except the obstacles they put there themselves.

They were sitting side by side, knees touching and that for some stupid reason made Eddie’s cheeks heat. What, was he in high school? Jesus.

Richie was looking at something in his phone and Eddie was reading a newspaper. Not actually reading though, because he really couldn't concentrate with Richie being this close.

The atmosphere was strained and stiff. It was like there was something both of them wanted to say, but the words were trapped between them, never being able to move forward.

He was used to feeling tense around Myra all the time, but back then, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that there were things left unsaid, it didn't matter that he, while marrying his wife, had wondered what it was like to hold another man's hand.

But now it did matter. At least to him. And a small voice inside of him told him that it did to Richie as well.

Overcome with sudden recklessness, he decided that maybe he actually could say something.   He cleared his throat. Okay. He could do this. Richie won't judge you. He might laugh a bit, but then it's fine, you can write it off as joke. It's fine.

"Richie..." He started, but my found himself unable to continue.

"Mm?" Richie mumbled, not looking away from his phone.

Maybe that's better, that he's not looking at me, Eddie thought. Eye contact always makes everything way more real.

"I.. I am, would you, that it is to say, well-"

"Dude, is Bill's stutter now contagious? Just spit it out." Richie had now paused the game he was playing and was locking his phone and finally looking at Eddie.

Eddie swallowed and mentally cursed himself. He was a 40 year old man, perfectly fine with delivering bad news to people, he was a risk analyst for god's sake, yet here he was, stuttering and not being able to even word the things he wanted to say properly. Richie was now raising an eyebrow at him, question in his eyes. "Wanna go fuck around in the shops? I'm bored out of my god dammed mind." For fucks sake.

Richie snorted, "That's what got you stuttering so hard? Eds, you secretly have a phobia of shops that you want to overcome or something? Because you have come to the right man, my dear fellow, I will show you the deep dark depths that those poor airport shops carry." He exclaimed, getting up from the uncomfortable, squeaky airport chair and taking his only luggage - quite old looking vans backpack.

Eddie shook his head, partly at Richie's theatrics and partly at himself. He could have just said something. But then again, at least, now, if Richie really hadn't been desperately in love with him since their childhood, or at least since meeting again in Derry, then they wouldn't have to spend 4 more hours in an awkward silence, or worse, Richie being accepting of him, yet gently turning him down and saying he loves him as a friend. That would be the end of Eddie Kaspbrack.

They walked through every possible shop the airport had where they were allowed to go, Richie picking up every weird object and making a stupid joke about it. Eddie joined in too.

When, 2 hours later they exited the last shop, each carrying a few bags of completely useless items, Eddie found himself panicking again. They had 2 more hours now. Perhaps he should stick to his initial plan, which is keep his mouth shut. Maybe it was better this way. And he had already made a mental list of all the benefits that would bring. His sanity however, was not one of them.

"Wanna grab something to eat, spaghetti man?" Richie's voice interrupted Eddie's inner struggles.

"Fuck you, asshole, I swear to god if you keep calling me that-"

"Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti-"

"SHUT UP!"

They kept bickering as they reached a nearby McDonald's. While Eddie could cite reason by reason why eating there was bad for your health, he was rather hungry, and well, to be fair, a burger did sound quite good just then, after a month of eating incredibly flavorless hospital food that tasted more like cardboard than anything, really.

He ordered a BigMac and even with Richie's teasing about the irony of the word 'big' and whatnot, it was worth it, since he at least finally could actually taste the food after thinking that his taste buds really had died.

They ended up spending there almost 2 hours and would have spent more if it weren't for the security guard that had thrown them out after they had starting throwing fries at each other and Richie accidently hitting another costumer. Eddie hadn't had this much fun since their childhood.

As Eddie finished wiping his tears from laughing too much, he checked his phone for the time and his eyes widened as he realized Richie's flight was supposed to take off in 20 minutes.

"Shit, Richie your flight, we gotta run!" He exclaimed, grabbing Richie's shoulder and shaking him.

Richie cursed as well and they stared running to Richie's boarding place, bumping into other people and laughing like teenagers once again, at their reactions.

With a little searching they found Richie's terminal soon enough and suddenly were faced with the fact that they had to separate.

Richie leaned down and put his arms around Eddie, hugging him tight. Eddie immediately wrapped his own arms around Richie, placing his head on his shoulder.

This was it then. Richie was leaving and it was fine, Eddie was perfectly fine with that. He already had made up his mind, earlier that was very foolish of him to even think of confessing and ruining everything they had rebuilt in the past month from the ashes that the missed years had created.

Richie took a deep breath and then let Eddie go. "Bye, then, Eds." he said, and perhaps Eddie would have heard the sadness tainting his voice, if he hadn't been so desperately trying to convince himself and he is, in fact, fine with all of this, and no, he does not want to go with Richie to LA. Why would you think that? Absurd.

"Bye, Rich." Eddie forced a smile and watched as Richie stepped backwards, still looking Eddie in the eyes, as if waiting for Eddie to say something else. What was there to say? There really wasn't. Nothing at all.

Finally, reaching the lady who checks boarding passes he nodded at Eddie one last time, before turning around and taking out his ticket and passport.

Eddie stood there, frozen, his mind blank. Something wasn't right. Something was missing. He felt like he was standing on an edge, the way forward was foreign. The way back was familiar, fell walked in but it didn't feel right. Yes, he had been on this road all his life, yes he was existing but.. it didn't feel like...

Richie was putting his backpack on the security gates, putting his phone down.

"Attention passengers on Air LA flight 232 to Los Angeles. This is the final boarding call. All passangers, please proceed to gate 3 immediatelly. Boarding will end in approximately 15 minutes time. I repeat. This is the final boarding call, boarding will end in 15 minutes. Thank you. "

There was no way. No fucking way.

Richie was on his way to take back his backpack.

For fucks sake. There goes Eddie's well crafted, perfectly structured plan right out of the window.

He took a step forward, leaving behind the world he had known for 27 years, letting it crumble to pieces.

He took a step into the unknown, felt the blood rush in his veins, ringing in his ears.

... It didn't feel like he had been truly alive. And dear god and all heavens above, he wanted to live.

"Richie!" He screamed on the top of his lungs, making several heads of other passengers turn in his direction.

Richie, startled, turned back. "Eddie?" As he saw Eddie running in his direction, he rushed towards him as well.

Somewhere in the distance the security could be heard saying 'sir your what about your luggage’, but none of them heard.

They met in the middle, stopping only inches apart from each other, looking into each other’s eyes, both holding a deep desperation that maybe, finally, none of them could write off as anything else than what it actually was.

"I've got to say something to you," Eddie breathed, voice a bit shaky, his hands trembled and he had trouble deciding where exactly to put them.

"I think I've got something to say to you as well, but you can start." Richie replied; his voice held the very same breathlessness as Eddie.

"I.. Fuck! I'm in love you, have been since our fucking childhood, and I actually do want to go to LA with you." He finally rushed out in one breath, heart beating right out of his chest.

Eddie could see the exact moment when the words his Richie like cold water. His eyes widened, and while he perhaps, already had expected Eddie to say something along those lines, actually hearing them out loud shook him down to the very core.

"Looks like your mom and I will have to call it quits because I am too far gone for her son," Eddie rolled his eyes, Richie didn't pay any mind and continued, "I am in love with you too, Eds. And have been since our childhood as well. Well look at us, two dumbass, we could have had this-"

"Richie, I'd love to talk about this literally any another time, but right now you've got a flight that's leaving in approximately 9 minutes, so can I please kiss the shit out of you, so you can get on the plane?" Eddie interrupted Richie hurriedly.

Richie didn't seem to mind as he exclaimed rather loudly, "Oh god, fuck yes, of course you can."

Eddie immediately threw himself at Richie, smashing their lips together. Eddie seemed to have lost any self control by the entrance of the airport, as he kissed hard, not holding back whatsoever. Richie put his hands around Eddie's neck, pulling him closer, while Eddie put his around his waist, doing just the same.

Thread by thread fell apart any hesitation between them; they kissed with burning passion, breaking down all and every degrees of separation between them, years’ worth of longing clearly doing their part.

They recurrently pulled apart and panted into each others mouths, foreheads pressed tightly together. Eddie felt like maybe he had actually died and gone to heaven or something.

As Eddie willed to calm his emotions, which were going off charts at the moment, he stepped back slightly, to look Richie in the eyes. He took his face in his hands and smiled as he saw that Richie seemed to be on the same level of being absolutely wrecked, as he was.

As Eddie was about to open his mouth, to remind Richie to get in the fucking plane finally, Richie, as if reading his mind rushed to say, "Maybe I could stay? And we would fly together later? It's not like I've got anything important waiting for me there." He bit his lip, and looked at Eddie with pleading eyes.

As much as Eddie would have wanted that, he knew he had to have some time to actually get his shit together and he didn't want to put all that on Richie's shoulders. He wanted to get back on track on his own. Just with Richie by his side. Eddie smiled a small smile and signed, "Rich, you gotta go. You've already got a ticket, and I need to sort some shit out here as well. But don't you dare to worry; as soon as everything's done you bet your ass I'm going to be on the first plane over to you."

Richie looked like he wanted to argue, but then signed as well and nodded. “We better talk on the phone every single day, because fuck, if I don't hear your voice, I might go insane."

"Of course. I think it’s the same for me.” Eddie then pecked Richie on the lips and then pushed him forward, "Now go! This flight already got delayed enough; don't want to wait for the next one."

Richie stepped back and pecked Eddie multiple times until Eddie pushed him again and said a very warning "Richie".

Richie then finally made his way back inside the terminal, where a very intrigued security guard and the ticket check out lady were sitting, and upon noticing Richie returning, quickly pretended to not have seen the very dramatic love confession just now.

However, Eddie did see the small smile and wink that the lady directed at him, and he, now for tor the first time, thought about the fact that two dudes had just made out in the middle of the airport, and nobody had even really paid much mind to it. It filled him with incredibly euphoric feeling and he smiled back at the lady and then watched as Richie very hurriedly took his stuff and after blowing Eddie one last kiss, ran to his plane.

A little later, while sitting in a taxi back to his apartment, he got a text from Richie - 'made it to the plane. Missing u already xxx' and then a second one - 'cant wait to see ur dick ;)'

Eddie smiled to himself. Finally, after years in the darkness, he could see a bright future ahead of him. He couldn't wait to get to it. 

[shina913]

Intersect, Part 9 | KNJ

Intersect, Part 9

Definition: To meet and cross at a point; To share a common area

✫✫✫Intersect Masterlist✫✫✫

Pairing: KNJ x fem!reader

Rating: M (🔞)

Genre: Office!AU; enemies to lovers; fluff; angst; smut; NSFW

Word count: 5.5K+ words

Warnings: office banter; excessive cussing; office romance; sexually explicit conversations; dirty talk; bed-sharing; oral (F-receiving); fingering; clit-play; un/intentional voyeurism; vulnerable confessions; life-altering decisions (not sure if that's a legitimate warning); so much angst

Summary: You hate him, he hates you. You were both fine staying in your own lanes–until you’re forced to work together on a make-or-break project for your company.

A/N: Incoming angst!

The trip home was long, to say the least. You’ve taken this flight many times and five hours typically zip by for you–now, it feels considerably slower.

You wrapped up your conversation with Haejin asking for some time to think about her offer. If you were being honest, it was a very attractive offer. And you had a week to give her an answer.

You spent the entire flight weighing the pros and cons.

If you accepted the offer:

Onboarding would start immediately, jetting off to New York City first

You’d learn on the job, right next to Haejin for the first month then you're off on your own

You would travel around the world, under the banner of the Moonstone Foundation

You would have a larger team and call the shots

You’d get paid a lot of $$$

You would be working your dream job

If you turned down the offer:

You would remain close to home, close to your family

You would still have a great job that you love, in a company that equally respects your work

You wouldn’t have to make any huge adjustments in your life

And who else was in your life?

Namjoon.

Where would your tall, sweet human fit in all this?

Would he be supportive? You thought he would be. Namjoon was just as career-driven as you were. In the two years that you’ve worked with him, you don’t remember him ever taking any time off—and his team could vouch for that. 

Except that one time. When he flew across the country to see you. One whole day, that he chose to spend with you.

If you took this job—would he wait for you? It seemed like a lot to ask of somebody who declared his commitment to you mere weeks ago.

Was it a declaration of commitment? He hadn’t said the words…and neither have you.

But you were absolutely sure about how you felt. That one day cemented that. 

Ladies and gentlemen, please return to your seats and be sure to stow away your tray tables. We are starting to make our initial descent.

As the familiar city lights twinkle thousands of feet beneath you, you think of how you couldn’t wait to get home.

When you walk out of the arrivals area, you catch a glimpse of it. A little over six-feet tall, beanie, hoodie, and jeans—with the sexiest smile and those dimples that never fail to reel you in.

“Welcome home, baby.”

******

This was not going to be an easy conversation, by any means. He had barely rolled your luggage in and was on you in an instant.

“Joon…we…we need to talk.” You manage to say in between pants as he continues to ravish you by your doorway.

“Can it wait? I missed you so much and I pretty much counted the minutes at the office until I had to take the train to the airport to come pick you up,” he says in between kisses.

“I missed you, too,” you reply, cupping his face in your hands, kissing him just as eagerly.

He reaches his hand up your jean shorts, the truncated in-seam providing him easy-access. You gasp out loudly when slips beneath the layers.

“So wet already?” he purrs.

“Hmm–only for you,” you sighed, your tongue darting out to lick his lower lip while he worked the bundle of nerves you had built up on the flight back.

He slides two fingers in your cunt. “You want me in there? Hm?” 

“Yes” you mewled while your walls clench around his digits. “I want you in me, now.” Your teeth graze his chin.

You were so lost in the moment that both of you flinched when your phone started going off. You groan in frustration, trying to dig it out of your pocket to silence it until you get a glimpse of the caller ID.

“Fuck, it’s just Yoongi. I’ll just let it go to voicemail,” you said.

Namjoon looks you square in the eyes. “Answer it.”

His suggestion catches you by surprise.

“You heard me,” he commands while his fingers continue to pump slowly inside of you. “Better hurry up before it stops ringing.”

Before you know it, you tap the green button on your screen to pick up.

“H-hello?” You try to control your ragged breaths

“Hi, YN. I wasn’t sure if you were going to pick up–”

“I just got home from the airport, what’s up?” Namjoon pulls his fingers out of you and puts them to his mouth and sucks on them.

It turns you on to the point of no return. What a fucking prick.

“Mirai and I were supposed to have a check-in tomorrow morning about the data analysis for the ACF project. I just wondered if I could add you to the meeting invite?”

Namjoon smirks at you before he drops down to his knees, undoing the button and zipper to your bottoms, pulling it down along with your panties in one swift move.

You gasp softly at the abrupt action. “Uh–c-couldn’t you have just emailed this to me, Yoongi?”

You look down and watch him hook your right leg up to his shoulder, your free hand clinging onto a bookshelf that you were so glad that Jungkook bolted to the wall.

“I was but uhm–the meeting’s at 8AM and I didn’t want to surprise you—“

“A-hah,” you yelped at the feel of his velvety tongue licking one long stripe over your clit. 

“YN? Are you—alright?”

You bit back a moan as the tip of his skilled tongue teases the sensitive bud.

“Sorry, I—I was just writing some notes from my trip and remembered something,” you lied.

“Anyway–are you free tomorrow morning? I know you try to block off 8AM for emails and general office stuff but since you just met with them, I think it would be really helpful to get some fresh input.”

“Yeesss,” you say a little breathily. “I mean, yes, that’s fine.”

Namjoon was really working you now. You look down at him, his eyes up at you, fully cognizant of what he was doing.

His palms were on your ass, pushing you closer to his mouth to torture you further–tonguing your clit while three relentless fingers, massaged and curled around your insides. Your thighs started to quake–your orgasm would hit you any minute now and Yoongi was going to be on the other line to hear you fall apart.

“Yeah, I was thinking, it would also be great to–”

“Hmmphh…shit,” your hand flies to your mouth to stifle a high-pitched moan while Namjoon’s fingers hasten. 

“Sorry–Say that again? I didn’t catch that,” Yoongi says, confused.

“Nothing! I’m–I’m–c-close…close to a breakthrough here,” you managed to say before he sucked on the extremely sensitive flesh. You were seconds away from freefalling. 

“Aah–just-send-the-invite-see-you-tomorrow-bye,” you say in a rush before you frantically fumble to end the call, moments before your body starts to jerk, followed by a loud, lingering sigh.

Namjoon rises to his feet, eyes wide open with a big smile on his face. His lips and chin, coated in your arousal. “Fuck, that was so hot!”

You grimaced. “I think he might be traumatized. I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep a straight face tomorrow.”

He waves you off, “He’ll be fine,” then leans in to give you a kiss. Just then, that tent he had in his pants pokes you in your belly.

You giggled before you palmed him through his jeans. “Now let’s take care of you.”

******

The morning was shaping up to be hectic. You grabbed a medium, triple-shot mocha from the cafe around the corner from the office to help brace for all of your meetings. The days after a business trip are always frenzied–expense reports, meeting notes, client debriefs, follow-ups…and worst of all, catching up on all of the other work that you missed out on while you were away.

Yoongi tried his best to act professional during your meeting. You knew that he knew what you were doing on the phone–or at least had a pretty good idea of it.

But you didn’t let it faze you. You were composed and gave him all of the information that he needed to move his project along.

After he thanked you for all of the helpful input that you provided, scurried off to his office and mentioned something about a new opportunity that he had to discuss with Celina.

Your next meeting was a huddle with Jimin and Mirai, who filled you in on the latest information on the baseline survey responses. You were happy to know that Namjoon kept everything moving smoothly, resolving any internal issue while keeping you informed of any high-level decisions that you needed to make.

The day was waning and you barely had a chance to catch Namjoon apart from smiles down the hallway and quick work chat messages to check in.

You were so inundated with work that you almost missed the new piece of decor hanging in your office—a small replica of Seurat’s The Lighthouse at Honfleur. It was the painting that you spent time admiring at the museum.

You couldn’t help but smile.

******

“Hey, I have something to tell you. You think we can talk later?” You poke your head into his office after taking a chance when you see his door ajar.

“Of course. Everything okay?” He beckons you to come in while he stands by his bookshelf, trying to search for some reference materials.

Since last night’s attempt was unsuccessful on account of a few…’distractions,’ you were more determined to have this conversation sooner rather than later.

You shut the door as soon as you step in. “Yeah, everything’s great. I just wanted to run something by you—can you come over tonight?”

“Sure. I have a code review with Hobi and Tae at 5. It was the only open time we had on our calendars today,” he grimaces. “So–I probably won’t get in ‘til after 6:30?”

“That’s totally fine,” you smiled. “Just come by when you’re done–whatever time that is.”

“Okay. I have my key,” he says proudly.

It’s only been a couple months but since you both frequented the other’s place, you thought it made sense to give each other keys the week before you left for your business trip. Logical.

He figured he could also revive your dying house plants while you were away–and he was right. Practical.

“Perfect. I’ll make you dinner,” you said.

He beams back at you. “Can’t wait.” He leans down to place a chaste kiss on your lips before he excuses himself to walk over to his next meeting.

******

Namjoon gets in a bit later than expected and looks a bit frazzled when he walks through the door. His meeting with Hobi and Taehyung had run over. A routine code review turned into a troubleshooting session. Namjoon’s team inherited the program from a previous contractor and, needless to say, their quality control was little to nonexistent. When Namjoon left the office, they had barely gotten the program into a stable mode so Hobi and Taehyung elected to stay a bit longer to monitor it in case it crashed again.

You welcome him with a piping hot bowl of jjajangmyeon. “Woah—this is so good, baby. What would I do without you?”

You take in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling a pang of guilt. From what? You’re not exactly sure why. Maybe it was the fact that a lucrative job offer had just landed on your lap not so long ago–and you were wrestling with the thought of taking it and asking the man that you loved to cool his heels while you lived your dream.

You were both accomplished in your own rights. Namjoon had charted his own path and you did the same. He was already reaping the benefits of hitting a major career milestone while you were just beginning to make strides in yours.

You were ambitious and driven. You had all but mapped out the next five years for yourself–but you never factored him in. He was a variable. Now, you had to determine whether he was the independent or dependent kind.

“So, I ran into Kim Haejin on my last day.”

“Oh! That’s…random.”

“It was. She’s doing some lobbying for Moonstone.”

He nods. He’s been to Capitol Hill a handful of times and seen special interest groups trying to round up legislators, competing for their attention to push their agenda. Some had genuine and sincere intentions while a few…just wanted to pay a few digits less on their tax returns.

“Anyway, we met up after our meetings at the Capitol and I found out that she’s also been in contact with the children and families committees up there—really trying to push forth this one piece of legislation that a few people in congress are sponsoring.”

He hums. “I gotta hand it to her. Running a family corporation, a charitable foundation, and juggling motherhood on top of all that? I don’t know how she manages it.”

This was it. You braced yourself while you broached the topic.

“Well—that’s the thing. She thinks she’s stretched too thin because of all of these responsibilities. So…she’s looking into handing off the Foundation.”

He slows his chewing.

“Oh. So…what does that mean for grantees? And uh…contractors? For us?”

You slowed your pace. “She’s not quite handing it off in a sense that she’s ending the Foundation. She wants someone to take over for her—to oversee the program.”

“Okay…”

You felt your heart start to beat out of your chest.

“She asked…me…if I could do it.”

His eyes bulge out of their sockets and he almost chokes on his food. “Baby—that’s…that’s great! What did you tell her? Oh shit. But you’d have to leave the company…ah—what the heck? This is your dream, YN! This is fucking amazing!” He was beaming with pride.

You smiled back at him, feeling some relief as he looked so happy for you.

“I mean…I, I told her I’d think about it first.”

“Aish, c’mon, YN! What’s there to think about?” He says it as if it was a no-brainer. This fueled your confidence.

“Well—for starters, I’d have to embark on a ‘tour’ of sorts,” you gestured with air quotations. “You know, to promote the Foundation, expand partnerships internationally—“

“A tour?” He looks puzzled.

“Y-yeah. The tentative schedule on the calendar is for a year—possibly longer—Asia, Africa, Latin America...The organization is growing rapidly. I also have to make sure that Jungkook is settled. Plus, our relationship is—“ You stop your babbling when you see his face falter.

“Y-you’ll be gone for a year?” he whispers.

Your heartbeat lurches. “A year, maybe more,” you say hesitantly.

In an instant, his expression turns despondent. Although his eyes were downcast, you could see his jaw ticking.

You rest your palms on either side, cupping his face, trying to tilt it upwards to look into his eyes.

“Joon, look at me—“ He does, and you wished that he hadn’t. He had a smile on his lips but his eyes were pained.

Tears started to sting your eyes. “Baby—“

His hands rest over yours, assuaging you. “Hey—You should take the job.”

You take in a shallow breath. “Well, see, the reason I haven’t taken it is because…I was thinking about us. It’s going to be so hard being away from you. And I–Namjoon, I…” you paused for a beat. This wasn’t exactly how you pictured it but you had to let him know–and you had to know if he felt the same. “I lo–”

You are interrupted by his phone blaring on your dining room table. He glances at the caller ID. “Shit, it’s Taehyungie. Hold on.”

However sweet you thought Taehyung was when you worked together, you wanted to strangle him through the phone for his shitty timing.

“What?” Namjoon groans into the phone. “Fuck. I thought we cleaned up the duplicates?” Another groan. “And the patch didn’t work?” Taehyung murmurs something unintelligible which elicits a low growl from Namjoon while he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Alright, alright. Just…hang tight. Uh–tell Hobi to run the validation script manually to hold off the errors. I’ll head back now.”

He hangs up.

“Sorry–YN, I uh–” 

You nodded. “It-it’s fine…”

He hurriedly gathers his wallet and building pass off the table then wordlessly heads to the door to put his shoes on.

You followed right behind him. “Uhm, do you want me to pack some food for you? Maybe bring some for Hobi and Tae? They could be hungry.”

He pauses then turns around abruptly. “N-no, that won’t be necessary,” he replies.

“Uh…okay. Are we–” You blink then shake your head. “Let’s pick this up again tomorrow? I really need–”

“S-sure, yeah. Listen, I–I really have to go.”

You nodded, looking up at him expectantly. When he doesn’t move, you take it upon yourself to close in on him yourself. You tilt your chin up to him and give him a kiss. You move your lips against his, coaxing his mouth open to slip your tongue in. He moans softly, lifting his hand to cradle your nape. Deepening the kiss, responding to your languid strokes with his own licks.

He pulls away first, pressing his forehead to yours–bearing that same pained expression in his eyes when you asked him to look up at you.

“Let me know when you get home?”

After giving you a small nod, he’s out the door.

******

You must have been dreaming. The last thing you remember is Namjoon leaving your apartment–he seemed off after you told him about the job offer. Did you miss his text or call?

You feel your mattress sink, you get a whiff of a combination of your body wash and faint traces of men’s cologne. Moments later, warmth envelops you. You were half asleep when you glanced over your shoulder to see Namjoon burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“Is it really you?” You croaked out.

He chuckles softly, his warm breath fanning your ear. “Who else would it be?”

You roll over to face him. “I thought you went home?”

“I thought I did.”

You smile languidly. “What time is it?”

“Late.” He kisses your forehead and moves down to give you a peck on your lips before he pulls you in closer to his chest. In an instant, you drift right back to sleep.

******

“Okay so, I have like, four tickets to the actual ceremony but only two for the baccalaureate. I was thinking maybe you and mom can come because–with dad and his sleep apnea–he’ll be snoring up a storm and I really don’t–”

“Kookie–it’s fine,” you chuckled. “You don’t have to explain. He can stay and nap at the hotel until the ceremony starts in the afternoon.”

“Have you asked Namjoon-hyung to find out if he can make it?”

“I’m sure he can move some things around but I wouldn’t–wouldn’t get my hopes up. He’s been struggling with one of his programs and working nights and weekends to try and fix that.”

“Oh,” he pouts a little and looks dejected on screen.

“I’m sorry–is your ultra-supportive noona’s presence not enough to put a smile on your face on your graduation day?”

He does his big-bunny smile. “Of course it is–I just thought maybe he’d come with you. Because we’ve grown close, I think. He's kind of like the big brother I never had,” he says sheepishly.

“Then why don’t you text him yourself and ask? Like you said–the worse he’ll say is ‘no.’”

He nods. “Speaking of answers–have you responded to that CEO’s job offer yet?”

You sighed. “I–haven’t. I have ‘til the end of the week to let her know. I, uh–talked to Namjoon about it.”

“I’m sure he’s excited for you!”

You made a face and your brother picks up on your uncertainty immediately. “Was he not,” he asks slowly.

You inhaled sharply. “I don’t know how to describe his reaction, exactly. It was–mixed? He was enthusiastic at first and then when I told him about the year-long tour, it was as if someone walked into the room and killed the lights.”

Now it was Jungkook’s turn to look confused. “What do you mean?”

You explain what happened during dinner and how his excitement died down shortly after. You were already starting to feel deflated because of his reaction until he came back later that night. It seemed to quell your doubts.

“You think he wouldn’t be cool with long-distance?” Your brother asks.

“I don’t know. We haven’t really–reopened the topic since this morning. We’ve both been swamped with other stuff. He’s coming over tonight, though so–maybe we can clear it up then.”

******

While you took absolute pleasure when he fucked you senseless, you had many quiet moments that you relished.

Like this. Both of you laying in your post-fucked out state with your heads at the foot of the bed. Him on his back while you on your stomach, just talking, after a long day at the office.

“I have a confession to make,” he began.

You turn to glance at him while he stares up at the ceiling.

“Remember when I told you that Mayumi ran out of love and patience for me?”

You hummed and nodded cautiously at the mention of an ex from somebody you were seeing.

“She left me because—she said that I held her back and…lately she was starting to resent me for it.”

“W-why would she resent you?”

“Because I was selfish. After finishing my undergrad, I went straight into getting my doctorate. I asked her to move in with me, which she did—at the expense of losing out on a great job opportunity. Moving away from her family. But I convinced her that moving into the city would present more opportunities for her. More options. Plus, we’d be together.”

You weren’t exactly sure what was prompting Namjoon to open up like this but you let him, nodding and humming softly to urge him to continue while you listened.

He goes on to narrate that Celina had hired him right out of undergrad. They first met when she happened to be a visiting lecturer at his university. He caught her eye when he started to challenge one of her findings—which in the end, she admitted was slightly flawed and outdated due to an old theory that she had based it on.

He jumped at the opportunity because she had an esteemed reputation in public policy.

She saw promise in him and convinced him to go straight into a graduate program while he worked as a programmer and research assistant at her budding firm.

You started to get a weird feeling and decided to ask him outright.

“Are you–are you trying to tell me something? You and Celina–” You asked hesitantly.

Your bed shook as a hearty laugh booms out of his chest.

“No, no, baby. I promise you, that’s not where this is going,” he looks at you assuringly. “Besides, I didn’t think I was her type because—I pretty much questioned her at every turn. I wasn’t uhm…agreeable to everything that she said. And I wasn’t doing it to be a dick. I just—wanted to make sure that every angle was taken into consideration, making sure that we were thorough. Which, I think in the end, she respected me for and it made me a good researcher.” He clarifies while he reaches up to kiss your bare shoulder. “We strictly had a mentor and mentee relationship.”

He had obviously risen up the ranks using his smarts and determination. Unfortunately, his ambition drained his personal life.

Mayumi was always trying to accommodate him. Worked her decisions around him. She was happy to do it because she loved him.

“Then one time, I was doing some extra work at home—nothing unusual. But at that specific time, I was feeling some extra pressure at work because I wanted a promotion and I knew that I deserved it. Only thing was, there were three other people in contention. I needed to do something…insanely exceptional to be at the forefront.”

He put in the work, traveled to conferences, strengthened client partnerships, recruited notable researchers–which, at the sound of that, you cocked our eyebrow to. Clearly, all of this was enough to convince Celina and the rest of upper management to reward his efforts.

Once he became Associate Director, it was all downhill for him and Mayumi. They argued more often. She would storm off and pick up extra shifts at work while he spent nights in his office. Somehow, being anywhere but home was more peaceful. It was not healthy.

At some point, they knew that they were done for. But why did Namjoon hang on that long if he didn’t think things were past the point of mending?

“The day that we were submitting that revised proposal? She called me that morning, saying that she was done, she had had it with me. For some reason, I asked her to wait for me. So I rushed out of the office in the middle of the day.”

He didn’t know what he had hoped to accomplish. Would he convince her to stay? Would he promise to change and devote more time to her, like she had asked multiple times before? They’ve gone through this cycle in the last few years. Take a break, get back together.

He tried but her mind had already been made up right before he walked through the door. Before leaving, she told him how she felt as if she’d always had to play second-fiddle to everything else in his life—which was his career.

She’s given up everything because he promised that they would be together—which was true for some time—until his work took over his life and she became an afterthought.

He turns his head to face you again. “All this to say that, I don’t want a repeat of what happened before. I feel that this relationship is much more different than that. I recognize that you have your own dreams and ambitions. I want to support you and—find that balance that I didn’t before. I was too young and too full of myself. I don’t want to be selfish anymore—not with you.”

You regarded him intently. “Joon—“

“Don’t ever let me hold you back from things that you want. I don’t want you to resent me.”

This man squeezes your heart like no other. If at first you were worried about how he would feel, now you weren’t because it seemed like he had swept those concerns away. This was going to help with your decision to take Haejin’s job offer easier.

You smiled warmly at him. “Namjoon, resentment is far from the emotion that describes what I feel for you right now.”

He sits up slightly and leans in closer to you while he balances his weight on his elbow. “Good, because I don’t think I can forgive myself if you started to hate me.”

“Joon…where is all this coming from,” you ask softly.

“I just–need you to promise me that you won’t let me hold you back.”

“B-baby, I don’t–”

“Please–just promise me?” He gently implores.

“I promise,” you assured him.

With that, he closes the gap between you and kisses you.

God, you loved this man so much.

******

The next morning, you find the side that he slept in empty. You panic a little but are instantly placated once you see a handwritten note on the pillow that he slept on.

Left early—SOS from Hobi and Tae. Figured you needed all the sleep you can get so you wouldn’t rip anybody’s head off. See you in a bit.

You regretted that you didn’t tell him how you felt last night–but he was so vulnerable and truth be told, his actions felt more than enough to assure you. You would definitely tell him today. You glance at the post-script below his note.

PS — You’re so cute when you snore!

You scoffed. “I do not snore!”

******

You didn’t catch Namjoon when you arrived at the office in the morning and you went straight into a marathon of meetings with your team and a few other project officers, not to mention that you were still catching up on a pile of work sitting on your desk while you went off on your trip.

Once you found a few minutes, you place a call to Haejin and tell her that you would take the job, provided that you could incorporate some scheduled time off–that was a hard line for you. You wanted to be able to see and spend time with your family and Namjoon.

Haejin was more than accommodating. It was a small price to pay for a huge weight off her shoulders. She was a huge advocate for work-life balance in her company. She hated the thought of her staff being overworked or didn’t have personal time for a vacation, to go to their child’s recital, or just plainly take a mental break. She promised a great support staff for you if and when you were scheduled to take time off.

The next step was meeting with Celina to put in your notice–but not before you shared the good news to Namjoon.

You knock on his door to find him with his nose buried deep in a draft report that he was reading through.

“Hey,” you say excitedly. He glances up briefly to acknowledge your presence then returns to the report.

That was weird. 

But you brushed it off and proceeded to tell him that you spoke to Haejin about taking the job. You also told him that you requested for unrestricted, on-demand time off to accommodate your family and him. You were over the moon at the thought of living your dream and expressed that it was too good to be true–a killer job and the man that you love by your side.

“Isn’t that great, Joon? There are only a few organizations like this–who would actually grant this flexibility–”

“I think you should take the job as it is…without any conditions or pretenses,” he interjects coolly without looking up at you.

You scrunch your face in confusion.

“Huh?” You actually heard what he said. You were more in shock, is what it is. “I thought–I thought that you were supporting me and that you’d be there for me? You know–last night? When we talked?”

“YN–let’s be practical here. You’ll be gone for a year. You’re leading a whole program–and it will need your full attention. I’ll just be a distraction.” He says evenly before he lifts his head to look up at you. 

“W-wait–”

“I think that what you’ve done for the firm is amazing. You’ve grown our foundations and philanthropic efforts considerably in a short period of time. It goes to show that you’re really good at what you do. I’m not surprised that you’re starting to outgrow your position. More people are finally taking notice of your skills.”

“What are you talking about? I don’t…” You took in a sharp breath. “Look, Namjoon–I never said I felt like I was outgrowing my position here.”

“YN–you know that I’m a huge supporter of career growth. I don’t think people should confine themselves to boxes.”

His voice was barely recognizable to you. This was the same tone that he adopted when he spoke to clients and business partners. Academic, formal…disconnected.

“You should take full advantage of every great opportunity that comes your way. Clearly, The Moonstone Foundation will give you that. This is what you’ve wanted. This is…your dream. Don’t let anything or…anybody hold you back from it.”

You were aghast. Was he still talking about the job offer or–

“Joon…” you softened your expression, rounding his desk, leaning against it and dropping your voice. “It’s just us, here. We can talk like…like normal? I thought that we were on the same page?”

He stares at you blankly and doesn’t return your affectionate tone.

He moistens his lips before he speaks again. “We are talking. And I’m saying–you should move forward. This–this relationship is going to be a distraction for you. And that won’t be helpful for Haejin and the Foundation.”

Who was this imposter and what has he done to the real Kim Namjoon? The man you’ve grown to love in the last couple of months.

“What are you saying? I’m so confused, Joon–”

He looks you dead in the eyes–gone was all that love and warmth from last night. Cold and emptiness had taken over. It was the same look that he gave you when he told you to get out of his office when you supposedly stole his project from him.

“I’m saying–that we should cut our losses now.”

You stood in front of him, flabbergasted. “Are you–are you breaking up with me?” It sounded idiotic by the time the words spilled out of your mouth.

He swallowed hard and flexed his jaw. “I just think that you need to be able to focus on your new position so you can produce your best work. You know–no interferences, obstacles…”

You tune him out. His voice was replaced by Celina’s–ringing in your ears after you decided to castigate Yoongi during that one meeting.

If I fall apart, then everything and everyone else around me is affected…everything that we all worked hard for–just because I decided to have a cry at work.

Suddenly, it felt like ice water had replaced the blood running through your veins. You touch your tongue to the inside of your cheek–a habit you picked up from him. But it didn’t matter because it helped you don a mask that you desperately needed at that moment.

“Got it. Say no more.”

Part 9.5◥

Thank you for reading!

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[OPEN]

[pjisskullourful]

🆄🆂🅴 🅼🅴

🎵 Ethan × reader

part 2/? [series masterpost]

NSFW🚨  smuttastic scorching hot hankypanky . CW: this heroine has mental health issues& doesnt know what selfcare is, disordered eating& other very unhealthy spiralling

° Ethan Torchio/female reader insert

° two months after first meeting in a bar, your friends with benefits set-up moves into more serious territory & you find ethan coming into your life more

wordcount:::     12,722

° commissioned by my chaotic aries sister kat (@mistressofthecats-blog) 💋 a wonderful meeting of depraved minds for this first commission [commissions get priority, there are currently 3 fics in cue, secure your own spot in my priority list here]

🎧USE ME playlist🎧

° none of the lyrics included were written by me

baby I could write a long love letter, drivin' up to see the look on your face...

— TWO MONTHS LATER —

Some days your communications with Ethan were purely sexual, the two of you typing back-and-forth what you would be doing to each other if you were in the same country. You would drain your phone’s battery over-and-over, never at a loss for ideas of how you could explore that divine body.

Some days you would have lengthy conversations about everything but sex. You shared music recommendations, with him asking what you thought he should listen to as he waited at an airport. You confessed that his band’s music wasn’t typically to your tastes, but that Coraline was your favourite.

Since meeting him, your collection of cigarette lighters had grown exponentially. Some that he sent bore the name of the city he had been visiting at the time. Others had designs that he thought you would like. He introduced you to the world of electric lighters, rechargeable devices that did away with gas and flames. Instead the spark came from a high-voltage electrical current that you activated with the touch of a button - costing him more than you had ever spent on a lighter in your whole life. 

Then there were the lighters with keychain attachments, usually accompanied by a cheeky note of how this one would be easy for you to not lose. Every single lighter had ET etched into its body, not because he wanted to mark them as his property. He explained that it was his way of making sure you thought of him and all the cigarettes you had shared, his way of keeping you company even when he was far away.

You didn’t tell him that you didn’t really need a reminder. You didn’t need any outside influences to get to thinking about him because he was so constantly on your mind.

You were so far past breaking the rules of a casual bar pick-up. Now you were blurring the lines of what it meant to be friends with benefits. You knew this, but you didn’t want to stop it.

You didn’t want to take precautions for possible changes in the future. You just wanted to keep enjoying him, to keep laughing and to keep having mind-blowing sex during those brief windows when he was back in Italy.

… … … 

Some days it felt like a genuine struggle to keep to yourself that you adored him. You would want to burst and tell him how wonderful things were whenever he was around. You wanted to get lost in your hopeful thoughts and share them with him, throwing caution to the wind.

But you never did, which allowed you to have days where your setup unshakably felt like a friendship.

You up? His message came through around two o’clock in the morning.

But the answer was yes, as it typically was. His sleep schedule was in shambles. He was constantly struggling with jet lag, always getting back to the hotel after a gig very late at night or kept busy with other Måneskin-related responsibilities.

And you were always there, because abiding by any kind of bedtime wasn’t your strong suit. Especially now that you were unemployed, going to sleep at a ‘reasonable time’ never appealed to you, or made it to the top of your list of priorities - you would rather make characters in The Sims 4, disregarding the time as you did so.

But you put the game on pause as you answered his call. He sounded tired and you wondered how his body was coping with his relentless schedule. You asked him about the show they had just played, Lollapalooza, and you heard him perk up. You had discovered that he really loved playing festivals, he always had a lot of positive things to say about those gigs.

“I really liked your outfit.” You said, reviewing your screenshot of the pre-show mirror-selfie he had sent you. “I want that vest…”

“Yeah, it was pretty cool, huh?” He said of the pink, military-esque garment he had been wearing for the performance. “We had options of what could go under it, but nothing was perfect enough. And showing skin is kind of our thing, so it all came-”

“No, honey.” You gently interrupted. “You got this wrong, I’m not just saying this to be complimentary. I am not exaggerating, I want that vest, I wanna wear it, I wanna own it and keep it in my closet. I want that vest.”

He sighed dramatically and you could clearly picture him rolling his eyes. “You’re always trying to steal my damn clothes. Wouldn’t it be too big on you?”

“It’s a vest, I can make it work.” You said, twirling some hair around your finger. “Are you saying that I wouldn’t look good in that?”

“That is definitely not what I’m saying.”

“Are you saying that I don’t deserve designer clothing?” You challenged.

“Never, I would never say that.”

“Maybe it’s not about me wanting to wear your fabulous clothes. Maybe it’s about me stealing everything that you own, so that your only option is nudity- twenty-four seven.”

“Well, jeez, you didn’t keep a lid on that secret evil plan for long.”

“Yeah, that’s because I truly do want the vest for myself. And the metallic, distressed-looking crop top thingy from last month.”

“How about when I get home, I’ll lay everything out and you can come over and peruse through it all and take what you want, hm?”

You smiled, more pleased by the invitation to his home than by the idea of getting new, fancy clothes for your closet. “I’ll clear my schedule.”

You heard what could have been a lighter clicked to life, then a heavy exhale and you were imagining how he might look enjoying his cigarette right now. It made your fingers itch to have a smoke between them. It also made you feel an aching yearning in your gut, which wouldn’t be as easy to solve.

“What are your plans for the weekend, hm?” He asked. “Are you gonna go out and cause some trouble?”

“Probably not. We were thinking of going to the bar, but then I checked their Instagram and Ben isn’t working this weekend, it’s that other guy…”

“What other guy?”

“That new deejay they’ve started to bring in, Isaia or something. He sucks. The most bloated, never-ending remixes you’ve ever heard.” You said, pausing to light your cigarette. The old patio chair creaked as you sat down. “And then, this absolute dickhead decided to bring a prop to work and he’s there with a fuckin’ watergun.” He had started to laugh. “And if he doesn’t like your request, or you don’t pass the vibe check, or whatever, he sprays you with it.”

He quickly stopped his chuckling. “Hang on, hang on, hang- the deejay is squirting people from his booth? That sounds incredibly unsafe.”

“I know, that’s exactly what I said.” You exclaimed. “It’s an equipment-ruining disaster waiting to happen.”

“No, no, I mean it’s unsafe for him to try that kind of shit with you. You’d knock his teeth right out of his head.”

You smiled as you took a drag. “You know I would, hun.”

“When I get back, we’ll figure out a way to confiscate that from him.” He said.

“For the greater good.” You said, trying to match his serious tone.

“For the greater- yep, you’re exactly right.”

The two of you began to discuss various schemes of how to achieve this goal. It seemed painfully obvious to you that his fame should be weaponized - who would say no to the globetrotting rockstar’s request to have the toy gun as his own? He reasoned that this deejay may not be a fan, he wasn’t confident in his ability to leave the average person star struck.

His plan was to use you as a diversion, you could dazzle the deejay with some cleavage and flirting, leaving him unaware of Ethan grabbing the water gun. What if this deejay wasn’t into women? He assured you that there were plenty of other ways to distract someone.

But none of these sounded to you like the slam dunk you had been waiting for. Instead, he soon had you laughing as his ideas started to remind you more-and-more of the actions of a cartoon character. You heard him laughing a little as well, before somewhat composing himself to come at you with another ‘hear me out…’

You entertained every half-(or barely-) baked plan that he shared. You were amused by his brainstorming, enjoying this feeling of being in on the joke.

It gave you a sense of something you hadn’t had in your last relationship. It reminded you of what you saw on Nico and Gus’ good days, when they were adventuring, not arguing. When they finished each other’s jokes and slyly kept secrets for the pay-off of a surprise.

You were Ethan’s partner in crime.

“I miss your face.” He said, instead of adding another imaginary way to best Isaia the deejay. “You’re so pretty when you laugh.”

There was a small lump in the back of your throat. “I miss your face.”

“So, you aren’t getting into trouble? That doesn’t sound entirely true.” He teased.

“How dare you, I have the in-game hours to prove that I’ve been minding my own business, just playing The Sims.” You said. “It’s been a lot of mess, actually. My spellcaster sim has been trying to have a werewolf baby. Oh, and her house is haunted.”

“There’s werewolves in The Sims?”

“Yeah, where the Hell have you been?”

“Well, I’m in Chicago right now.” He said, deadpan.

You worked your way through more of the cigarettes in your pack as he let you go off on a tangent about your favourite video game. He hadn’t played since high school, meaning there were plenty of new features that you could tell him about. And he asked questions as you went, curious to find out how many generations it had taken for you to complete the unofficial ‘breed out the ugly’ challenge.

“If we had gone to the same one- do you think we would’ve been friends in high school?” He asked. “Comparing challenge notes about our sims, sneaking off to smoke cigarettes together?”

“I dunno. Aside from Nico, boys didn’t really talk to me in school. I was the weird athletic chick. No boys were interested in the chick with muscles who could easily beat them in a race.” You said.

You heard him barely stifle a yawn. “So you were intimidating, even back in high school?”

“Damn right I was.” You said, stubbing out the end of your cigarette. You hesitated from getting the next one from the packet.

“And do you think that you could beat me in a race?” He asked.

“I’d like to see you try to beat me, hun.”

His little laugh was distorted by a yawn he couldn’t contain. “Yeah, I bet you would.”

“Ethan?”

“Hm?”

“Sweetie, go to bed.” You said.

He groaned, or maybe it was a louder yawn. “But we’re talking.”

“But you need to make sure you’re getting enough rest.” You said. “And I gotta sleep anyways, I’ve got a doctors’ appointment in the morning.”

The groggy tone immediately left his voice. “Doctors’, are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, it’s all just routine. I need a repeat for my meds.”

Between the two of you, there hadn’t been any big conversations about your bipolar II. Because there didn’t need to be, so long as you kept taking your pills there weren’t any worrying behaviours for him to notice. You had referenced it in passing during one of your phone calls and he had let it breeze by, not letting it dominate the conversation.

You hadn’t noticed him treating you any differently since then. He wasn’t analysing you as other guys had subjected you to in the past. If he had any queries, he was investigating it on his own, instead of bombarding you with questions.

“Right, good, we should sleep.” He said. 

“I agree.” You said. “Talk soon…”

“G’night.”

“Make sure you put that vest aside for me.”

He yawned before responding in the parody of a downtrodden husband. “Yes dear.”

The silence rang in your ears once the call was disconnected. There wasn’t any street noise to distract you from just how alone you were. Your phone needed charging and your ashtray should be emptied.

A growl from your stomach gave you some motivation to move. Stepping back inside, you found that you couldn’t easily recall the last thing you had eaten today - had you eaten anything?

You went directly into the kitchen and found a pizza pocket in your freezer. You put it into the microwave, keying in the time before wandering out, headed for the bedroom now. You planned to plug your phone in, then collect the heated junk food.

But sitting down to attach your phone to the charger turned into you lying down. It wasn’t just your growing hunger that you hadn’t noticed, your level of exhaustion also didn’t dawn upon you until that moment.

And you were asleep within minutes, without hearing the brief trilling of the microwave.

… … …

“I can’t, Ethan is back in town this weekend.” You had said in response to Nico’s invitation to a game night he and Gus were hosting.

Nico had given you a strange look upon hearing this. “I thought the two of you weren’t gonna get into anything serious.”

“We aren’t.”

“But you’re blowing off me and a chance for Jackbox-bragging rights over the whole gang, for him.”

You hadn’t let this shake you. “But I can see you anytime I like. But blowing Ethan is a limited time deal.”

That had immediately shut Nico up.

Once you were reunited with Ethan in his home, it didn’t feel as easy to dismiss this whole thing as casual. Whenever you were with him, it all felt very serious and intense. The spark was enduring, just as strong each time and on the verge of providing the foundation for more.

You didn’t let him waste your time with any of the designer clothing you had been coveting. Even though he had gone to the trouble of hanging a lot of it out on a rolling rack. This shopping experience rated low on your list of thrills.

Instead, you were fixated on getting him to deliver on all of the sexual promises he had made over the phone. There were plenty of ideas that you had shared and were very keen to act upon.

It had started as simply as you expressing how much you enjoyed the sight of him in his cut-off tank top. You ran your fingers over the taut skin that he didn’t bother to cover. He commented on your fingernails being longer than before and you responded by letting them drag over his muscles.

Now you were in his bedroom, the two of you making up for lost time with actions, as opposed to words.

He was so desperate to rediscover your body that you didn’t get the chance to remove your shorts. Walking behind you, he had stripped down to his peach-coloured briefs. After crossing into the bedroom, you had enough time to remove your top. But hearing your zipper opened had triggered something in him, prompting him to do away with patience so that he could pounce on you.

He wrapped his arms around you, bringing your body to his as his hand slid into your underwear. A tremble rushed through you as his fingers moved onto your pussy. You were close enough to the bed that you could place one knee down, ready to brace yourself for when you truly started to melt at his touch.

He eased your labia majora apart so that he could get to your clitoris as he started to kiss along the side of your neck. You let your eyes flutter shut, taking in all of the delicious sensations that were already swelling up inside of you. He drew circles around the hood, taking you out of the regular world, and into the paradise that could only exist when you were together.

You arched your back, pushing your butt into him, which allowed you to feel the boner still contained in his briefs. He pressed harder on your clitoris, awakening deeper sensitivities as you felt yourself growing wetter inside of your underwear. The circles around your clit quickened and his other hand laid against the lace of your bra.

His lips moved up to your ear. “Nobody makes me needy like you do, nobody.”

You smiled, licking your lips. “You’re welcome.”

He went back to kissing your neck and you felt these kisses lingering. He was leaning into you more and he started to gently suck on your skin. You placed your other knee on his bed and he remained attached to you, determined to keep stroking your clitoral hood.

As you felt your body heating up, you pushed your shorts further down, letting them rest around your knees. You were sick of having clothes on.

You unclasped your bra and peeled it off of your chest, with him instantly taking advantage of this. When he started to pinch and roll your stiff nipple between his fingers, you could no longer hold back. You whimpered and rocked your ass back, along his dick.

You imagined how effortless it would be for him to get you into a different position, a position better for him. He could push you down and pin you to the mattress. He could yank your panties down, maybe ripping them a bit. Then with your butt in the air, he could pump into you.

But he wasn’t doing this - no matter how firmly you grinded back on him.

And you could feel your impatience growing, motivating you to a more direct call to action. You placed two fingers into your mouth, running your tongue all over them.

If he noticed what you were doing, it failed to capture his interest and he kept his mouth on your neck, with no interruptions to how his hands were working over two very sensitive spots.

You didn’t gain a reaction from him until your hand was sliding into the back of his briefs, your saliva-coated fingers seeking out his ass-crack. You heard him quickly inhale in response to this - maybe he could sense your plan.

You traced wet circles around his hole as he firmly sucked on your skin. He progressed to biting you when you eased the tip of your forefinger inside of him. His hole contracted around this small portion of your finger and you didn’t rush into any greater depth.

Nor did you need to - he stopped ravaging your neck with his lips and teeth, delivering a raspy whisper into your ear. It would have been easy to get distracted from the words he was saying as his dick twitched against your butt.

“What are you trying to do to me? I already told you how fuckin’ needy you’ve got me…” He said.

“Not needy enough.” You retorted.

He took his hands off of you and your hand slipped out of his underwear as he got to his feet. You quickly twisted yourself around, watching as he started to pull his underwear off. “Do you want more, is that what you’re saying?” You nodded, your eyes growing wide at the sight of his dick. “Is this what you were wanting- more, like this?”

“Yes, babe.”

Before you could reach out and wrap your eager hands around his cock, he was moving again. He opened the draw of his bedside table, looking through the contents. As he found and applied a condom, you finally took your denim shorts the whole way off. You immediately discarded your wet panties.

He leaned in close again and you parted your thighs, all too happy to make some room for him. He rested his forehead against yours as his hands roamed all over your body, seemingly unable to find exactly where he wanted to hold.

“You want more?” He asked as he grabbed underneath your thighs. He lifted your legs until your knees rested on either side of his hips and you interlocked your ankles at the small of his back, unwilling to let him go. “Like this?”

“Uh-huh.”

Once your legs were securely in place, he slid his hands under your butt and started to pick you up. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, your heart racing as you were lifted into the air.

“Do you want it like this?” He asked, perfectly balanced as he held you up.

“Uh-huh.”

He took a few steps over, getting closer to the wall. “Is this what you meant when you said that you wanted more?”

“Uh-huh.”

He pushed you up against the wall, a position that made you absolutely giddy as you played with his hair. He licked his lips, his dark eyes studying you.

“You want more?” He asked, bracing himself with a hand above your head.

Your body was trapped, his chest flush to yours as he leaned in, kissing you. You shut your eyes and started to drag your nails over his scalp, his hair sliding between your fingers.

His other hand went down to guide his dick, the tip pressing between your labia majora. He eased it up, rubbing against your clit. Your hands flexed into fists around the strands of his hair, gripping tight as you sucked in an excited gasp. He moved his length along your wet slit as you pressed your hips to his.

You started to nibble on his bottom lip as he continued grinding against your cunt. You pushed the tip of your tongue up and into his mouth.

The tip of his dick worked you open, making you whine. You moved your hips forward, taking more of his length inside.

With a whimper, you broke the kiss and rested your head back against the wall, putting all of your effort into getting the rest of him inside.

His lips went back to your neck as he filled you up. His hips met yours, your walls fluttering around his shaft as your breathing grew shallower. You relaxed your hands in his hair, melting into this embrace that you felt you had been waiting so long for.

Your body was being marked as his again. From the deepest receptors that hadn’t been properly treated in his absence. To the surface of your skin, warmed by his body, developing hickeys at his hands. He held all of you, every part of your being at once, appreciating you on a level unknown to anyone before. This made it easy for you to hand over all control.

If you weren’t so filled with primal need, you may have questioned these low boundaries. Surely this was dangerous.

But there was no room for assessing the situation when you were being hit by waves of pleasure. Waves that only grew stronger as he started to roll his hips and it felt good to abandon all thoughts, to instead follow instincts.

“Do you want it like this?” He asked.

“Yes.” You swung yourself into motion, moving your hips so that you could meet each of his thrusts. “This is how I fuckin’ want it.”

“God.” He groaned as he started to increase his speed. “I love fucking you.”

For the moment, he was through with trying to cover every bit of your throat in hickeys, instead resting his face against your chest. This was followed by a readjustment as he tilted his pelvis, seeking out a different angle to jerk himself up and into you.

He pushed between your inner-walls, until he was delivered to your g-spot. You grabbed for his shoulders, your nails pressed against his skin as you arched your back. You grinded your body down on his as the tension overtook you. Your pussy gripped him as he stroked into that perfect spot again.

“Fuck yes…” You rasped.

Your body worked with his as the two of you found a thrilling new pace. Tirelessly, he guided his tip to your g-spot, making you feel that your release was imminent.

As you recklessly snapped your hips forward, you could already tell that you were going to squirt. This wasn’t going to be a subtle orgasm (the kind that was necessary when fucking a guy who lived with roommates). This was going to overpower all of you, you could feel it in the incredible pressure filling your body. Your knuckles had turned white as you kept your secure hold on his shoulders, your nails beginning to leave indents.

“Oh fuck…” Your jaw gaped open as you felt that rush of endorphins. “Oh, ah…”

You adopted a higher pitch as it happened - you conquered that peak and the pleasure exploded out of you. Your cum splashed upon his crotch as you squeezed your eyes shut, feeling the release in a monumental way.

Your whole body quivered as you struggled to comprehend what lay on the other side of that unbelievable peak. You felt like you were lighter than before and there was a smile on your face.

You let your hands slide down from his shoulders, listening to him struggling to catch his breath. You dragged your nails down his back as you pulled yourself away from being daunted by your aftershocks.

You let yourself become energised, fed by the pleasure to seek more. You moved your tender body back into motion, rocking into him.

He drew in a sharp breath as he started to pump into you again. You couldn’t help but moan, every stroke from him threatened your composure, intense enough to drag you down.

As he pursued a consistent tempo, you opened your eyes to watch him. You applied pressure with your fingernails on his skin as one powerful thrust followed another, keeping you pinned to his wall.

There was a sheen of sweat across his forehead and his brow was furrowed in his effort to reach his release. His lips were parted  as he sucked in quick breaths. He had his eyes squeezed shut, which you decided bothered you as you started to push his hair back from his face.

You gathered the strands in your hands, wrapping them around your fists. “Look at me while you come…”

His eyes fluttered open. “If that’s what my good girl wants.”

You kept your hands in his hair, tensing your grip to keep him from slumping forward. His brows remained low and knotted, while the cords on his neck stood out as he gave you everything that he had. The sound of flesh slapping on flesh quickened and you tried your best to keep up with him.

Even as he plunged into you at a frenzied speed, leaving you feeling weak while he zealously and very actively chased after his orgasm. Your chest swelled as you felt the pressure building up inside of you. You were practically vibrating in excitement as his dark eyes stared you down, inviting you to go to that next level with him.

“Yes.” He burst out and you watched his eyes grow wide. The creases on his face smoothed out and his breath seemed to get stuck in his throat. “Oh fuck, yes.”

He placed his palm onto the wall, an attempt to brace himself as he jolted into you with what felt like all of his body weight. You were slammed against the wall, kept here as he refused to retract, he didn’t have any thrusts left in him.

As the spasms of your cunt took him over that edge, you watched the climax dawning on his face. So close to your own, you were able to see every reaction as it played over his features.

His eyes sparkled as his jaw dropped open, heavy breaths falling from his mouth. You saw him beginning to smile, lost in his bliss. As tingles continued to radiate through your body, you became enchanted by his current appearance. Looking at him as he was made your heart flutter - there were millions of people who followed him on social media and night-after-night there were sold-out shows of audiences that just wanted to admire him.

But only you got to see him like this. It felt special, something to be protected. Time did not exist as you stroked your fingers through his hair.

He smiled as he wrapped his arms around you, holding you securely. He slid out of you and readjusted his stance. “I’m gonna put you down on the bed, okay?”

“Sounds perfect.”

You felt like you were floating, even after he had set you down on the mattress. You shut your eyes and stretched out, still wearing a smile. You were ready to curl up with him and fall asleep, even though the sun was still high in the sky.

But when you felt the mattress dipping under his weight, it wasn’t because he was lying down with you. You opened your eyes, looking over to where he was sitting, down by your feet.

“Do you even know how sexy you are?” He asked, making you blush. “‘Cause, holy fuck, you’re just so gorgeous. It makes me wanna…” You put a hand over your eyes as you felt your heartbeat picking up speed again. “Now I want more.” He put a hand on your knee, moving it away from the other. “I wanna…” He slowly dragged his fingers up the inside of your thigh. “I wanna taste your orgasm.”

You moved your hand down to your mouth as you looked at him, seeing how serious he was. There was a twinge in your cunt in response to the hungry look in his eyes. 

“Can I do that? ‘Cause obviously I never get to do it when we’re having phone sex.”

You nodded your head, watching him perk up a bit at that. You chewed on your thumbnail as he started to lower himself down, flicking his hair back and out of his way.

Just chewing on your nail wasn’t enough to keep you quiet once he started to lap at your wet, swollen slit. He caressed from bottom to top, his tongue flat against your cunt. This brought little, surprised gasps from you as he discovered just how sensitive you still were. You still felt like you were floating, and delighted giggles fell from your lips.

These developed into needy whines that came from deep in your throat when he sank his tongue inside of you. You squirmed, your hips raising as he started to massage at your inner-walls, all of his tongue experiencing this textured skin.

You rocked your hips into his face, not requiring much stimulation to get to your next climax. You whimpered as you were weakened by the surge of pleasure.

He leaned back from your crotch and you collapsed onto the mattress, gasping for air. You shut your eyes and let your whole body go limp. You noticed the way your pussy seemed to pulse - the rhythm was like the echo of your orgasm, slowly dying off.

Before this sensation could play itself out, the intensity was built back up to a dizzying height as he started to stroke your clit with his tongue. Immediately, you grabbed for the bedsheets as you sobbed. You gripped the material in your fists as he started to swirl his tongue around the hood of your clitoris.

“Holy fuh-... oh, motherfucker…” You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt yourself abruptly shoved up to that edge. Your body twisted and jerked uselessly as an overpowering pleasure consumed you, the sensitivities building up faster than you could fathom. “God, Ethan, oh my God, oh, oh…”

You snapped, crying out as you convulsed and disappeared into an Earth-shaking orgasm.

You were entirely ruined, remaining still as you prayed for him to not expect much of anything from you for a while. Coming back to reality was going to be a slow process. You were totally stunned, your mouth agape as you tried to fill your lungs.

“Are you okay, babe?” He asked.

In your mind, you identified the easiest, most coherent way to answer him - a thumbs up. But did you actually complete this gesture? You found yourself distracted by the dampness on your cheeks, you couldn’t recall shedding these tears. But your perceptions were completely scrambled in this moment of struggling to come out of the fog of over-stimulation.

You realised that you had caught your breath, noticing next the way his hands were gently moving over your body. You felt almost like you had been in a trance as you opened your eyes slowly. You were clueless over how much time had passed.

“Magnificent, you truly are.” He said in a soft voice. “Telling you that you’re a good girl doesn’t do you justice.”

His palm caressed over your shoulder as you looked over to where he was sitting beside your body. He had pulled his hair back into a low bun, appearing perfectly relaxed as his eyes thoroughly looked over every inch of your body. You were comfortable, despite feeling so exposed as it seemed like he was trying to commit all of your features to memory.

You rolled onto your side and gave his hand a kiss. “I think you don’t need to worry about not doing me justice, you’ve done enough for today, possibly even the next five days.”

“Five days?” He repeated. “Wow, I really wrecked you, hm?”

“Are you kidding me? Of course you did.” You said as he ran his fingers through your hair. “You always do. Have I kept it a secret how much I love the spectacular sex that we have? ‘Cause it really is spectacular. In fact…” You trailed off, holding your hand tucked under your chin in preparation of covering your face. “You probably don’t want to know.”

“Try me.”

“Okay, so I was diagnosed bipolar pretty much as soon as I finished school. And there’s a lot of medications out there and different dosages and all that. It’s been a lot of trial and error with me, and it’s- well, that’s not the point.” You said as he silently listened, his eyes appearing warmer and he wasn’t looking away. “The point is- sometimes the meds have shitty side effects. And I’ve been on these meds for about a year and in all that time, I wasn’t squirting. I just thought I couldn’t anymore. Because it didn’t matter what the guy did, or how many toys I used, or how much I tried to relax.

“I genuinely thought I had lost the ability to do it and I would have to change my meds to get it back. But then I met you…” You could see how he had puffed his chest out a little, appropriately proud of himself and barely trying to hide it. “And now I’m Mount Splashmore.”

“I had no idea.” He said, unable to take the smile off of his face.

“Well I thought that I had been giving you enough praise, but apparently not.” You said sarcastically.

He swooped down to peck you on the cheek, before linking his fingers with yours, preventing you from hiding your face. “Thank you for telling me, that’s really special.” He nuzzled his nose against your skin and you could feel butterflies in your stomach. “I don’t have anything that’s comparable, but it’s always spectacular for me, too. And that’s only because of you, I’ve never had sex as fantastic as what I do with you.”

“Really?”

“Truly.” He said and you turned your face towards him to see his expression.

There was something in the way that he was looking at you - it made you want to melt because he was admiring you how one would admire a beautiful work of art. It made you want to stay in this bed with him. It made you want to say more things to him. But you weren’t sure that your words would land correctly.

It was much easier to kiss him, closing the physical gap between the two of you and he kissed you back. You wrapped your arms around him, bringing him closer as your tongue moved into his mouth. You could stay like this for hours, just enjoying his taste and how wonderful his body felt on yours.

When he gently pulled away you could see him still wearing that smile. He remained close and you thought he was going to kiss you again, instead he pressed the tips of your noses together. “I’m gonna get you some water, do you need anything else?”

“Could you bring my handbag up? This is a need-a-smoke kind of moment.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” He said, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before he got up and left the room.

The whole room was filled with the scent of sex - it was primal, superior to anything artificial, with those undertones of sweat that would make it impossible to wash off with anything but a thorough shower.

You had helped yourself to one of his T-shirts (you knew how his closet was ordered by now) before going onto the patio that was attached to the master bedroom. You sat down on the suspended seat, shutting your eyes and taking in a deep breath as the gentle swing of the chair soothed you.

He emerged with only a fresh pair of underwear on. He had the strap of your bag slung over his shoulder as he carried a glass of water in each hand. He sat down with you.

“Which one have you got there?” He asked after watching you pick your lighter out of your bag.

You lit the end of your cigarette before showing the lighter’s painted on design. “Istanbul.”

“Oh okay.” He accepted the lighter, which had an ET scratched into it already. He sparked the flame, touching it to his cigarette. “And you said you’ve never been to Turkey?”

“That’s correct.”

“Alright, let me tell you about Turkey…” He said, placing his arm around your shoulders.

… … …

Some days you were responding to Ethan’s messages within seconds of receiving them. You were never at a loss for words and you got a rush from waiting to see what he would say back to your escalations. You could make him laugh, you could turn anything into a sexual innuendo - it was always exciting, taking you out of whatever moment you were in.

Necklace, you responded to a photo he had sent. It was a day off for the band and he was sight-seeing with Victoria. Your focus had been pulled away from the fact that the friends were wearing matching sunglasses, instead fixated on the way his hand was resting on his chest.

Huh, are you saying that I should be wearing one? I thought about putting a choker on before we left the hotel. But then didn’t… He typed back.

You smiled as you started to type your explanation, thrilled by how oblivious he was. No sweetheart, I’m saying your fingers should be the next necklace I wear. You tried to imagine how he would react to reading this. Don’t you think those fingers wrapped around my neck would be the perfect necklace for me?

Oh! I didn’t realise that’s what you were getting at, he responded after a minute of you watching the ellipses dance as he typed. Yes. I think it’s a necklace ideal for a good girl.

Other days there were distractions that delayed you from responding straight away. A few Snapchats would be lined up, awaiting your attention once you got through with chatting with Nico. Or finished working out. Or completed a job application.

You were already on Instagram when the notification from Tatianna popped up, surprising you. You hadn’t thought about your old friend much after that night of bumping into her months ago.

Hey skank, when can we do dinner?

… … …

Some days you could forget that you had depression. It didn’t slow you down or inhibit you in any way. You could have a day full of productivity and accomplishments, there was no reason to tell anyone that you were fine, because your actions clearly spoke for you.

Other days it felt like this was the only aspect of your personality. You had depression and this ruled your life, the only thing you could notice.

It was a weight, one that you weren’t strong enough to manage. All that you could do was lie in bed, void of anything but that anchor of sadness. Inexplicable sadness that demanded enough tears to make your eyes sting.

You stayed in bed, waiting for this feeling to stop. Any attempts from you to manually pull yourself out of this funk felt like a gargantuan effort - that invisible weight made everything feel so difficult. And when you didn’t get the results you wanted, it felt like it was all for naught, just another reason to feel like a failure and hate yourself.

Nothing was easy right now, but at least if you stayed in bed you could minimise the difficulties. Surrendering had a certain appeal. It was truly effortless to let your body crash, just as your brain was.

The only things that you deemed worthy of getting out of bed for were going to the bathroom or occasionally getting a glass of water. Aside from smoking, you weren’t maintaining your regular habits - not bothering to have a shower, brush your teeth and eating was something that would surely take too much effort.

You were forced to get out of bed when a courier rang your intercom. You felt a pounding headache at the front of your skull as you opened the door. They handed over a small box, the size was very familiar to you by now. You locked the door again, looking at the Japanese characters in the postage stamp.

You placed it on the coffee table, but stopped yourself from opening the gift from Ethan. You weren’t in the right headspace to properly appreciate it, therefore it would make his sweet gesture go somewhat to waste. You would come back to the new lighter when you were feeling better, when you weren’t feeling so terribly uninspired. You would message him when you could think up something cute, or worth his while to say.

There was one message that you did bother to send before receding back into this state of defeat - you cancelled your dinner plans with Tatianna. You were certain that you looked more like a zombie, than you looked like yourself right now. And you weren’t going to burden your old friend with that worry.

You sent the message, then returned your head to the pillow. Before you knew it, you were crying again.

… … …

You weren’t aware of how many days were passing - every morning you hoped to wake up in a different headspace. But every time, you woke up and everything felt wrong. Sometimes you wouldn’t realise the magnitude, and made it out of the bedroom, starting to make a cup of coffee. But sooner or later, it would hit you and you would drag yourself back to bed.

You had successfully evaded Tatianna’s attempt at getting you to socialise.

Getting Nico to leave you alone had been easy as well, thanks to a tactic you had been using since high school. You told him you weren’t feeling well because you were on your period. This didn’t invite any challenges, you imagined him squirming as he read this. He didn’t have any sisters and it seemed all of his knowledge on menstrual cycles had come from 1976’s Carrie. It was always traumatic, guaranteed to make him cringe, as anything to do with vaginas typically did.

You didn’t know how to throw Ethan off - probably because you truly didn’t want to. You wanted to be the fun girl he had met and given so much time to, rather than the current version of yourself.

You told yourself that you would message him properly when you felt better.

But that moment never came. For now, you were dodging his ‘you up’ messages, lying to him the next morning and apologising, blaming your lack of response on you going to sleep early because you ‘weren’t feeling well’. He wanted to know what kind of unwell you were, but these messages went unanswered.

He pried a more substantial response from you after a couple of days of messaging in regards to your new lighter. He was apologetic over bothering you while you were ill, but he explained that he was anxious to find out whether or not the gift had been damaged in transit.

You didn’t understand where this worry was coming from, until you opened the box. This cigarette lighter was decorated with the intricate, gold design of a dragon, both of its eyes were made of a different material that protruded out of the smooth plastic. Were these gems that he had envisioned getting dislodged during the package’s journey from Tokyo to Rome?

You spun the wheel mechanism to check there was nothing wrong with the device. Not only did this ignite the small flame, it also made the beads of the dragon’s eyes glow red. They went dark when you took the pressure off the trigger. You played around with this for a minute, picking your phone up with your other hand.

Okay, this is officially the coolest lighter you’ve sent, you told him, adding a couple of dragon emojis. But that didn’t feel like enough.

You placed a cigarette between your lips and opened Snapchat. A filter could hide how colourless your skin appeared. You found an angle that cut your eyes out of the frame (he didn’t need to see how puffy they currently were), while still keeping the focus on your cigarette, and the lighter as you lifted it up.

You filmed yourself lighting up, positioning the lighter so that the glowing dragon eyes could be seen. You took one drag and exhaled directly at the camera, taking your thumb off of the record button.

Your stomach twisted as the app played the video back to you, a taunting loop. You could see the cracks in your chapped lips and your cheeks looked so hollow. The weight you hadn’t purposefully shed was obvious.

But you sent the video to him anyway. You wanted to give him that demonstration of the lighter, to give him more than just some superficial words. Because you didn’t know when you would next be able to give him this level of effort.

I’m so happy that you like it! He sent back and you tried to picture his smile. But you were interrupted by the notification that he was typing again, quickly followed by a new message.

Take care of yourself, punctuated by a red love heart.

You hung your head, forgetting to smoke the rest of your cigarette as the shame rose up, like bile crawling up the back of your throat.

He could see it, he could see your disorder.

Now that he had the context for your bipolar he wouldn’t think you were sexy anymore. You would no longer be worth fucking - this had happened to you with men before, men who you had liked far less than you liked Ethan.

Guys didn’t want to date this disorder. You grit your teeth, knocking the heel of your palm against your forehead as you scolded yourself for repeating a mistake of the past.

Why hadn’t you just stayed in bed?

… … …

You were perplexed to find Nico standing at your front door the next day. You weren’t sure how to act, it felt as if you had missed a cue and now you would be scrambling to catch up.

You only felt more confused when he provided an explanation for his unannounced appearance in your apartment. “Ethan sent me.”

You felt like you had walked into a wall. You narrowed your eyes, ready to call him out on this tactless attempt at humour. “Ethan doesn’t have your number.”

“That’s right, he didn’t. But he found my Instagram through yours and he reached out ‘cause he’s really, really, really worried about you.” Nico said, taking his sunglasses off so he could stare you down. “And girl, I can see why.”

“Shut up, I’m-”

“You are not about to tell me that you’re fine, not when you look the way that you do.”

You clenched your jaw. “Oh great, insult the way I look. Please, go right ahead. That’s really gonna help improve my mood.” You wanted to crawl out of your own skin. “You’ve seen me looking worse.”

“No, I’m not sure I have. Not this bad, not for… years… What’s going on?”

You were acutely aware of how many days you had spent wearing this same shirt, unable to stop noticing all of the smells it had picked up in that time. You were humiliated and struggling to conceal it as you stood before him.

“Nothing, it’s nothing. This is just me, you know that. Every year I hit my rock bottom and I have to hang out with the rocks for a while. But I-”

“They’re burying you.” He said, hijacking your metaphor. “You look like a fucking corpse.”

You were further humiliated by the feeling of tears brimming in your eyes. You looked down, blinking rapidly as they persisted. “Well I feel like one.”

“Oh, darling.” He said, rushing at you and embracing you before you could resist.

You clung to him, wetting the shoulder of his shirt as you let yourself cry. You cried because you were afraid of time - how much of it had passed and how much more would you spend before getting your head above water again?

“I’m here now.” He said, his voice far more soothing than you were used to hearing. “And do you know what I brought with me?” He started to open his messenger-style bag. “I got your favourite flavour of Gatorade.” He handed you two bottles of the deep blue, grape flavoured beverage. “And Nutella.”

You scoffed at the jar of hazelnut spread. “Are we sixteen-years-old again?” These had been constant purchases once the two of you were old enough to get jobs and earn your own money.

“I am.” He said. “Ooh, I know I am because I can feel my skin tightening again.” He pressed his fingers to the sides of his face. “And my asshole too, ho’yeah.” He made an exaggerated moan of delight, which surprised a couple of chuckles out of you.

He didn’t let you go back to bed, but he didn’t push you too far either. He was keeping with the theme of teenage-nostalgia by insisting the two of you catch up on American Horror Story. It didn’t feel like it was taking too much energy to sit on the couch, watching what had come out since the apocalypse season. You half-heartedly joined him in eating the Nutella off of your fingers, letting him take the lead. It didn’t taste as good as you remembered.

Probably because this whole exercise was a practice in distracting yourself, rather than engaging with the issues.

That cry hadn’t provided you with any significant relief. And now you felt like you weren’t doing a very convincing job of acting normally. The words that you spoke sounded stilted, hitting your ear in an odd way.

Your thoughts were going back to Ethan - did he really get in touch with Nico? The idea of that seemed too unreal to believe.

It felt as unreal as the brief breaks from your sadness that these distractions provided.

“I miss Sara.” Nico commented.

“Yeah.” You were unable to summon the energy for a proper rant as you would typically get into without much prompting. Potentially, that’s what he was looking for, those passionate outbursts on your topics of interest. But you simply didn’t have it in you. “But she’s back next season, right?”

“Right.” He said, raising the TV remote. “Next episode?”

“‘Kay.”

… … …

You heard your intercom buzzing as you took your first steps out of the shower that Nico demanded you have. You assumed he had ordered some food - this would be necessary if he got hungry for something other than Nutella and stale potato chips. As you wrapped your towel around you, you realised you couldn’t think of a single thing that you wanted to eat. It didn’t matter what was being delivered, you couldn’t feel any cravings.

You sat down on the bed and were struck by how heavy your body felt. You immediately decided that you didn’t have the energy to move further than your mattress - you had officially done enough for today.

You heard a knocking on the door, but you mentally checked out. You were sinking back into that feeling of numbness. You shut your eyes and reclined further back.

“Hey creep…”

Your eyes snapped open, immediately stinging from the brightness of the light. You lifted your head, finding Ethan standing in the doorway. You opened your mouth, but no words came out, you were too stunned, too out of your depth.

Then you saw the look on his face and it broke you. He had never looked at you like this before, appearing as if he was in pain to be seeing you in this half-alive state. It took some of his strength as he slowly approached the bed.

You had no idea how to behave - all of your coping mechanisms had been taken from you. What was he expecting from you? You felt like you had nothing to offer to him at this moment, nothing that he would want.

“I’m leaving.” Nico said, briefly appearing to blow you a kiss. “Love ya, mean it.”

You raised your hand in a wave, as did Ethan. Then he came over to sit down on the end of your bed.

“I thought you were in Japan ‘til next week.” You said, you had been keeping that date in mind and mentally willing yourself to be better by then.

“I came home early.” He said simply, as if he hadn’t just spent over ten hours on a plane. “All of the gigs there were done. The rest of the visit was just promo and shit…” You raised both hands up to cover your face, needing to hide the beginnings of your tears from him. “The others were fine with me sitting this round out, and I… I had to come see you, babe.”

“You cancelled your work for me?” You asked, your voice cracking.

“Yes.” He put one warm hand on your bare shoulder. “I wasn’t going to leave you on your own when you’re clearly going through something.” He moved in closer. “I absolutely couldn’t stand the thought of you being all alone, you should never be alone.”

You couldn’t hide the shaking of your shoulders as you started to cry. He had blown off days of his glamorous, exciting rockstar life to come and watch you be pathetic. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, he had bought you a couple of cocktails and now you were his burden. But there was no chance of convincing him, or yourself, that you didn’t need his help.

He tugged your body into his arms, bundling you up and holding you in a warm cocoon of security. “You’re gonna be alright…” His hand rubbed your back. “Take deep breaths.”

“I’m so sorry.” You said through these seemingly-never ending tears. “Usually I can handle my own shit, but- it just won’t stop and I can’t- I don’t know-” You felt light-headed and it was daunting to try to find the words to explain something so grand, yet so internal. “Nothing happened, my brain just won’t- I don’t wanna be sad anymore, I don’t wan’-” He held your face in his hands, letting you huff and work through this train of thought. “I can’t…”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” You let your head hang - your body was tired, but that voice of guilt inside your mind wasn’t.

“That’s fair. It’s pretty shitty right now, but we’re gonna find a way to make it better. We’re gonna get you better.” He said and, thanks to the resolve that you heard in his voice, you were tempted to believe him.

“I’m so sorry.” You said, through the many tears that were still demanding to be shed.

“You have nothing to apologise for, honey.” He said, his thumbs wiping through the wetness on your cheeks. “I’m not expecting apologies, or explanations- that isn’t why I came.” Dark spots started to cloud your vision, until you blinked them away. “All that I need is for you to let me help.”

You were still blinking furiously, more dreary clouds were appearing before your eyes. “I think… I gotta lay down.”

“Of course, you’re probably exhausted.” He said, immediately moving to rearrange the pillows at the head of your bed.

You had gotten your sobs somewhat under control, now using your hand to cover a yawn. You were feeling raw as you lowered yourself down, lying out on your dirty bedsheets. You weren’t numb anymore, you couldn’t be after you had just faced the fire.

There were still many intimidating things on the path before you, but the lethargy wanted you to forget all about these. Your body was feeling very heavy again.

He helped you tuck your body in under the blankets, with you shedding the damp bath towel as you went. Your breathing still shuddered and hitched unpredictably, but those black blobs were no longer interrupting your vision.

“Little spoon is my preferred position, but I hope you’re ready to discover what a spectacular big spoon I am.” He said, succeeding in getting a smile from you. “Gimme a sec’ to take my shoes off…”

But you were asleep before he  had the chance to lie down with you. You didn’t feel his arms wrapping around you, or any of the kisses he peppered your cheek with.

… … …

When you woke up, you were alone in bed. You had been dressed in clean pyjamas and you felt refreshed, as if you had finally gotten enough rest. You could see that the world beyond your window was darker than before. The next thing that you noticed was the full glass of water on your bedside table.

As you sat up and started to drink, you realised that the floor around your bed was no longer littered with piles of clothing.

You got up, thankful for the lack of headache. You could see the rest of the apartment was filled with light and you started to walk down the hall.

You didn’t find Ethan in the living room, but this had been tidied as well. All of the cushions were on the sofa, as opposed to being strewn all across the ground. He had cleared the rubbish off of the coffee table. Beside the front door, he had organised your shoes back into the rack.

You wondered how long it had taken him to clear away all of that chaos. You couldn’t recall the last time your apartment had been this tidy.

As you walked, you began to notice an inviting smell. Your stomach growled as you progressed towards the kitchen. You realised you were smelling alfredo and your curiosity grew.

You found Ethan standing at your stove, stirring the contents of a pan. Before getting to cooking, he had done some cleaning in this room as well, washing all of the dirty dishes that had been piling up in the sink.

You blinked your eyes, expecting this entire scene to disappear - surely you had dreamt all of this up. But it wasn’t going away, this was your reality.

He tsked to himself and added something to the dish, he appeared to be concentrating carefully on this. You were able to creep up behind him, the wonderful smell of the meal growing as you got closer.

You bumped your hip against his, smiling as he looked your way. “Hi-ya, need a sous-chef?”

“Hi honey.” He returned your smile with some hesitation, his eyes giving you a quick exam. “I didn’t wake you with all of this noise, did I?”

“Nope, I didn’t hear a single thing.”

He directed your attention to the pasta dish, stirring it some more. “Does that sauce look too thick to you?”

“Uhm…” You considered the fettuccine. “I’ve seen thinner sauces, but it’s fine…” He sighed and added in a teaspoon of water. “I’m sure it’ll still taste amazing.”

“I’ll keep stirring.” He said. “I was hoping to have this done before you woke up so that I could serve you dinner in bed. I know that the thing to do is breakfast in bed, but I’m not like the other girls…” He made a gesture as if to flick his hair back from his face, except it was all already tied back, fixed into a bun at the nape of his neck.

“That’s right, you’re not.” You said. “We can still eat in bed. I mean, me and you have already dined in there. So this wouldn’t be breaking any house rules, or anything.”

He paused, the teaspoon of water delayed in its journey to the pasta and you saw a more relaxed smile come onto his face. “That is true. Are you feeling- how are you feeling? Because you seem- this sounds dumb, you’ve been awake for two seconds, and I’m all amazed because you seem like yourself again. I don’t know, am I jumping the gun here?”

“No. I do feel better, definitely not back to fighting fit yet, but it’s a significant improvement. It’s like that first gasp of breath after staying under the water for just a bit too long.” You said. “Maybe I got the last of it out with those tears, or maybe it’s just impossible to feel glum when I’ve got you around.”

“I would have come sooner. I was dying to come, actually. It’s really hard for me to not come on too strong with you. ‘Cause I think about you all of the time.” He added in another teaspoon of water and watched how this mixed in, rather than looking at you. “I open my eyes in the morning and it’s like straight away I’m so excited to check my phone ‘cause maybe you messaged or something. Or I’ll be in a situation where one of our stupid inside jokes comes to my mind and I wanna turn to you so that we could laugh together. Every time I send you a lighter, I wish I was with you, to see your reaction when you open the box.

“And with this situation I didn’t want to be imposing- like, who the Hell am I to tell you how to take care of your mental health issues? But I had this gut feeling and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was really wrong here. And I couldn’t stand back, not while this is happening to someone that I care so much about. I had to get in here and give you all of this physical care. Which, at the moment, is in the form of thick pasta sauce.”

You cleared your throat. “Actually, it looks just about perfect now.”

“You think so?”

“Yep, let’s eat.” You said and he turned the hotplate off. But instead of grabbing some plates, you grabbed him and brought him in for a tight hug. You held onto him, your face pressed into his warm skin as he wrapped his arms around you. “Thank you for coming.”

He kissed the top of your head and you breathed deep his natural scent. This was the relief you had been hoping for after letting yourself cry in Nico’s arms.

You took the dinner into your bedroom, sitting on the bed together as you ate. You consumed your meal slowly, but after a while he stopped watching every mouthful.

You saw him relax even further when you asked about how his work trip had gone. He wanted to stress to you that Japan was unlike anywhere else in the world. He was clearly enamoured with the country, sharing so many details from bread in a can, to the incredible lights of Tokyo.

As you finished your serving of fettuccine, you commented on how cute you thought he looked during the group’s karaoke excursion. You asked if he had been wearing lacy panties or something more modest under that short skirt. After answering that he had worn a pair of his regular underpants, he moved into a more thorough recounting of the night, making you laugh as he told of the escalation of misbehaviour and messiness as more shots of sakè were consumed.

“Did you know that karaoke became its own thing, independent of sing-alongs, ‘cause one night some band didn’t make it to their own gig?” He asked. “They were supposed to play at a bar and then just didn’t show up. So the guy running the bar was like, hey, you random person in the bar, get up here and sing. And the customers did it.”

“I’d have to be more than a few shots in to agree to doing something like that.” You said.

“Yeah, me too. But it explains the name. Because in Japanese, it means empty orchestra.”

“Oh, cool. Well to answer your question, no I didn’t know that.”

“You’re welcome.” He said, transferring the empty plates over to the bedside table. “Did you have enough to eat? ‘Cause there was a bit of pasta left. Otherwise, I bought some stuff for dessert- bananas, yoghurt, some little chocolate mousse things.”

“No, thanks. That was the exact perfect amount of food.” You said as you reached out, lying your hand on his knee. “When are you gonna tell me that you missed my face?”

He looked up at you, no longer studying your body. He was back to just seeing you.

“I can’t say that, ‘cause I missed so much more than just your face. I missed literally every single inch of you.” He said.

You leaned in closer to him, brushing your nose against his cheek as you slid your hand up higher, onto his thigh. “Prove it.” He turned to look at you, but before he could ask any questions, you had kissed him. “Make love to me.”

The quizzical look left his face - he didn’t need any further information, putting his hands to either side of your face so that he could pull you in for a kiss. This kiss lasted for longer than the peck you had just given him, this was something that the two of you could sink into. You moved your body closer to his, tilting your head.

He put his arms around you, guiding you into his lap. You pressed your chest to his as your tongue teased his lips apart.

He whimpered into your mouth and you felt a stirring deep in your stomach, which couldn’t be compared to the rumblings prior to your dinner. His hand moved up into your hair, gently moving through the strands as you felt your entire body warming up.

You pulled back, watching the delay as he took a second or two to open his eyes. You felt invigorated. You were moving into a state of mind that had been inaccessible to you as of late and now all you wanted to do was celebrate.

He smiled at you when he noticed you staring at him, but it was somewhat reserved, as if he wasn’t quite sure what you were smiling about. Anything that you could have said about simply being happy in this moment would have sounded supremely cheesy. Instead of this, you kissed him again, deeper and longer.

The next time you came apart was the necessary next step in you removing his tank top. You let your hands wander over this exposed skin, while you were too preoccupied by gazing into his soulful eyes.

“Make love to me, Ethan.” You said.

His hands went to the bottom of your shirt, lifting it up. Once it was out of the way, he wrapped his arms around you, bringing you in for more kisses. He let you undo his fly as his hands moved up-and-down your bare back.

You licked your lips, revelling in this feeling of your blood pumping so quickly through you. You moved out of his lap and opened the nearby draw, seeking out a condom. When you turned back around he was naked and you handed the condom over.

He gave the pillow a pat. “Lay down on your back for me.”

You shed your pants and underwear as you did as instructed. You found yourself smiling as you looked over at him, you had no explanation for it and you didn’t think you could stop it.

He laid down on top of you, taking a pause to play with your hair where it was fanned out all around your head. “I kind of wanna hear you say it again…”

“Say what again?” You asked before the realisation hit you, making you smile wider than before. You couldn’t help but flutter your eyelashes, taking this opportunity to be a bit cheeky as you repeated yourself. “Make love to me.”

“Yeah.” His face moved closer to yours. “There’s something about how that sounds. I really like it.”

He kissed you and, as his body readjusted on top of yours, you felt your heart fluttering. There was something slightly different in the escalation of your lust - exciting all the same, but it was striking you on a level deeper than you were accustomed to.

You wrapped your arms around him, squeezing tighter as he started to fill your pussy. You broke the kiss, your chest swelling as you felt so wonderfully complete - perhaps more complete than you had ever felt in your whole life.

When you opened your eyes, it was to find him watching you, his forehead resting on yours and you could see sparks in his dark eyes.

“I missed this.” He whispered, trailing the tips of his fingers down the side of your face.

You squirmed beneath him and tilted your pelvis. “I missed it more.”

He chuckled dryly. “Oh, so it’s a competition now?”

You lifted one of your legs, placing this around his waist. “Uh-huh.”

The next thing that you lifted were your hips, grinding them against him. As he pushed back, the hand that he held on your hip gripped tighter. You whimpered as he captured your lips in another crushing kiss.

You were possessed by desire as he started to thrust into you. You massaged your tongue along the roof of his mouth as you moved your body with his.

A tender pacing dictated your movements as each of you sank deeper into this embrace. It had never felt so good to be in his arms as you listened to his breathing coming in quicker, routinely punctuated by hitches.

He made a gasp for air and you were left to admire the flex of the muscles on his neck and shoulders. He pressed into you harder, making you choke back a sob as the friction between your bodies built. When he looked down at you, the intensity in his gaze rattled you right down to the core of your being. He licked his lips, some of his hair falling loose from the tie as he consistently rocked his hips against yours.

You tensed your body and grabbed with your shaking hand for the pillow above your head. He picked your hand up in his, interlacing your fingers as you started to arch your back. Your eyes met as you pressed your body to his, allowing for quicker thrusts, with less time wasted on any kind of separation.

“Fuck, baby…” He whined, letting you take him into a faster pace.

As the collisions came in quicker they also delivered a greater impact, so much of your body activated just for him. He attempted to brace himself, grabbing for your pillow with his free hand.

But you returned his favour by taking his hand in yours. You could see the delighted surprise in his eyes as you squeezed his hands.

“Oh, God… Ethan…” You whimpered as you squirmed beneath him.

“Are you getting- you’re close, aren’t you?”

You wondered when he had gotten so good at reading you. You nodded through the powerful, surging waves of pleasure that were ready to consume you. “Yes. Fuck, I am.” Your eyelids fluttered for a moment, but you refused to let them shut. “What ‘re… are you smiling?” It made you want to laugh (maybe if you had more air in your lungs, you would have done this).

“Yes. You bet your sweet ass I’m smiling.” He said, covering your cheek in enthusiastic kisses.

“Why?”

“‘Cause I’m looking at the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and she’s about to come, just for me.”

That got you smiling too as you squeezed his hands even tighter than before. The pressure was building up to fever pitch inside of you as all of your effort went into meeting each of his thrusts.

The intensity of the pleasure was greater than anything you had known and it felt like all of the blood in your body was pumping directly into your pussy.

Your hands clenched down on his and your toes curled. Your eyes shut as each stroke inside of your sensitive cunt got you closer to that edge. The tingles raced through your system and your walls spasmed around him.

Until you were coming - the release was awe-inspiring as the cum overflowed around his dick, spilling out of your cunt as he went on fucking you.

You were crying out as the jolting of his hips was marked with grunts of effort from him. You were still riding your dizzy high as you felt his arms shaking, your hands clasped together.

“Fuck.” The passion inside of him burst.

And then you were falling back onto the mattress in the silent room. He pulled out of you, lying next to you as each of you were rocked by the after effects.

This was the best kind of exhaustion you had experienced in a while. You felt so spectacularly different to the person you had been less than twenty-four hours ago. That ghost was gone and you were too pleased with yourself to fear the possibility of it coming back.

When you opened your eyes, it was to find Ethan continuing to smile. It was small and he might not have realised that he was still wearing it as he laid there with his eyes shut. You curled into his side, kissing him on the cheek.

“Was that what you wanted- uh, had in mind when you asked me to make love to you?” He asked.

You laughed, then lifted yourself up so that you could kiss him on the lips. “Yes, that was incredible.”

“You’re incredible.” He said as the look on his face got suddenly serious. “Listen, I don’t wanna be just fuck buddies or friends with benefits, not anymore.” He started to play with your hair and you rested your hand at the centre of his chest, watching as he picked these words out. “I don’t wanna just light your cigarettes and feed and fuck you.

“I want to take care of you- all of the time, in every way. Move in with me.” He said. “You shouldn’t be alone if you ever fall apart like this again.”

Your breathing was coming in quicker again. “Is this the jet lag talking?”

“No, I was thinking about this before I got on the plane.”

“Ethan…”

“Are you saying no?”

“I’m saying that I knew you were a creep that night in the bar, but I didn’t realise you were also totally crazy.”

He had started to smile. “I’m still not hearing no.”

“Aren’t you worried that I’ll steal, then lose all of your lighters?”

»»————-　♡　————-««

to be continued...

READ PART THREE HERE

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