#unable to make friends

[frail-little-diamond]

How the fuck do you make new friends

Like I tried talking to people, interacting with people, being nice to people, having common interests, talking about said interests and even saying I like them, and it just doesn't work???

Is it because I'm on the spectrum? Is it because I'm boring? Is it because I'm a bad person? Is it because I'm just me?

[ominouspuff]

Fwoom (intimidatingly)

[bonebabbles]

They're trying to do Stonefur again. This is just Stonefur's execution but bad.

Bellowing Tigerstar speech about strength

Sudden killing of beloved deputy

RiverClan cats all frowning and being sad and scared so you know it's just The Evil Leader and not a systemic problem

Even the upcoming fact he picks Berryheart as a deputy which seems pre-planned invokes an image of how Stonefur's mock trial was rehearsed.

It's a cheap replay of one of the most iconic scenes in warriors without any understanding of what made that scene so impactful. It's like this team is so creatively bankrupt they have to steal from the first arc because they can't do anything original on their own.

This is hard to read because it's downright embarrassing.

[michaels-two-dads]

I just assume that next session Scar is going to start his episode by going “I wonder what Grian’s up to I kind of want to see if we can ally with Grian” and then he’ll get his task and it’s “Kill Grian”

[canyoureallycallthisablog]

I have NO recollection of making this and now you shall be cursed with its existence too

[theviolenttomboy]

By the looks of it, unlike Naranja/Uva Academy, Blueberry Academy is age restricted since we only see kids as students there. Since Kieran is in class 1-4 and Carmine is in 3-2, it's safe to assume that Carmine is only two years older than him despite being like a foot taller.

Logically Carmine got in first, and then Kieran two years later. So Kieran would've been on his own until then. I imagine he still had no friends during this time; I mentioned it before, but Japanese rural villages like Mossui have a population issue.

In the Higurashi series, which takes place in the 80s, there's less than a dozen kids between elementary and middle school age in Hinamizawa, and they all share a single classroom and teacher. In timelines where everyone gets to live (lol), the school eventually shuts down entirely when all the kids age out and no one replaces them. It also appears that anyone who wants to continue their education has to move out of the village entirely.

I don't think I've seen a teenage NPC in Mossui? When Pecharunt brainwashes everyone in town and brings them to Loyalty Plaza with it, besides Carmine, they're all middle-aged or elderly. The time Kieran was alone was probably when he frequently snuck off to Ogerpon's cave.

Of course, this also means Carmine never had friends in Mossui either. Thankfully she at least has Amarys at school. Until then though, they literally had no one else to hang out with, and they still only hang out with each other when they're home because the situation hasn't changed.

[chronicbitchsyndrome]

it's annoying as hell to have my disability blog blocked by like 75% of radical disability tumblr because i don't believe in the anti-scientific concept of mind-body dualism, specifically because my specific disability outright disproves it entirely as my "mental" and "physical" symptoms are one and the same (and make me almost entirely incapable of existing in public, and therefore broadly unable to build friendships and support networks offline). good job building community for isolated housebound disabled people who need it, y'all. 10/10.

[jankwritten]

Jasico Bingo Challenge: Comfort Food

Jason has just managed to slump onto the bench at table one for lunch when, seemingly from thin air, a brownie materializes before him. 

He stares down at it. It is smooth along the top, ribboned with cracks like all the best brownies he’s ever had in his life. 

He imagines this is how Tantalus feels. To be so close to something he wants so bad, knowing that he won’t be able to reach it, not really. That he can try all he wants, but surely wherever the brownie appeared from, it will just as fast disappear if he reaches for it. 

Jason, unfortunately, has a lifetime’s worth of training in not reaching for it. 

Moving over so the temptation isn’t directly before him, Jason pulls forward his empty plate and, with a pitiful sigh, summons the lunch he’s eaten every day since he turned ten. 

The brownie follows him. 

Jason tries not to notice, because, frankly, admitting he’s being haunted by a pastry is a step too far, even for his standards. He does not notice when a brownie shows up on his nightstand after he’s had a hard time breathing in a normal pattern. (It’s not a panic attack.) He does not notice when a brownie appears beside the ambrosia one of the Apollo kids tried to give him. (He doesn’t need it, he’s fine.) He looks the other way when a brownie shows up on the napkin he’s handed for s’mores at the campfire. (He can’t eat the s’mores either.) 

He can handle it. He can handle the constant, demanding temptation. He will not succumb to it, gods dammit, he’s stronger than whatever fucked up test the fates are throwing at him. If this is one of his Herculean tasks, so be it. Jason will endure. 

Nico throws himself to the ground at Jason’s side. Peleus, around the other side of Thalia’s Pine, snorts. 

Jason simply shuts his book and directs his attention to the dramatic lump of Hades spawn at his hip. “Yes?” 

“You keep disappearing,” Nico mutters. “I’m exhausted.” 

Something warm and fluttery beats into Jason’s chest. “You were looking for me?” 

Nico lifts his head up just enough to give Jason a flat, dead look. Then, he flops back over. 

Jason tries not to be too pleased. Nico was looking for him, which means Nico was actively seeking him out, and by his lack of urgency, it doesn’t seem like it was for anything more than hanging out. They’re friends now, or to the point where Nico will admit they’re friends, but Jason is still getting used to Nico showing up around him to just…be around him. Sure, with the others it makes sense - Percy loves getting attention from his friends, and Piper and Leo demand his attention so they can all three silently sit together in a room doing their own thing. Nico is more distant, to put a name on it. He’s fiercely loyal and everything, Jason knows Nico’s always got his back, but he’s not really the kind of guy who likes to hang out. 

When he does, though, of his own volition? It feels pretty damn nice. 

Which is why Jason feels so awful when he looks down to his book on his plaid picnic blanket, and spots a fucking brownie, innocent and perfect on a pristine napkin. 

His stomach turns. He closes his eyes immediately and tilts his head up to breathe. 

Gods. Not a fucking second goes by that he’s not being tested. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Jason reopens his eyes to the foliage overhead - the pine needles are lush and thick, dappling the sunlight enough to create comfortable shade. He inhales, and exhales. “You ever get the feeling the gods are screwing with you, specifically, on purpose?” 

Nico scoffs. “Yes. All the time.” 

Jason peeks down at him and, though he does smile, it fades fast. He sighs, tilting his head all the way back to the tree trunk. 

The tone of hanging out shifts and Jason feels pathetic about it. Nico sits up. 

“What’s going on?” 

“It’s nothing.” 

“It is not nothing, you- tell me.” 

It really feels like nothing, compared to what Nico’s been put through. A stupid brownie sitting in his peripherals for the last three days has nothing on walking through Tartarus, getting kidnapped by Giants, and being held prisoner in a fucking jar. 

Nico puts a hand on his shoulder. Jason feels infinitely worse. 

“Whatever it is, you can trust me, Jason, seriously. I’m here for you.”

Burying himself alive sounds like a decent option. “You could just open up a crack in the ground, frankly,” Jason says. 

Nico, unfortunately, only looks more concerned. 

Jason supposes if there’s anyone to begrudgingly admit the brownie haunting to, it would be the boy who can summon ghosts. Who is unfortunately also the most likely to be offended that Jason sees this as a fucking trial. Gods dammit. 

“Jason-” 

“Brownies keep showing up everywhere I go!” Jason blurts out, before Nico can start any more well meaning, heart rending shit. Jason buries his face in his hands. “Which would be fine because I like brownies, but I can’t- it’s like they’re trying to trick me, like someone’s got a sick vendetta against me, or, like, the gods are trying to teach me to not give in to what I want!” 

Nico’s stretching silence is, frankly, not reassuring in the slightest. 

Jason hunches down further and waits for the retreat. For Nico to say something soft but cutting about how he has to handle real problems while Jason gets chased around by fucking dessert foods. 

This is it: the most humiliating moment in his life. 

“You…can’t eat brownies?” 

“No,” Jason says, muffled. “I’m allergic to fucking tree nuts.” 

More horrific silence. Here he is, Jason Grace, whining that his hardest trial in life is a fucking nut allergy. 

Nico’s hand moves from his arm. Jason’s stomach sinks to the pits of the Underworld. 

“I had no idea,” Nico says, under his breath. “Since when?” 

Jason lifts his head back up, though he refuses to open his eyes. His face is hot like a sunburn. “I think since I was a kid? I-I forgot, y’know, with the amnesia, but I would get these awful stomach aches after eating stuff, and I’d feel like I couldn’t breathe right and- I talked to Frank about it a few months ago and he told me I was probably allergic to something. Reyna confirmed it.” 

“Oh,” Nico says. 

Jason, hating himself deep in his lungs, looks at his friend. One of his best friends. Likely about to be ex-friend. 

Nico looks…constipated. 

“I know, it’s stupid,” Jason says in a rush. “I made it sound really serious and it wasn’t, it’s nothing like, you know, bad, it’s only annoying. I mean- it really sucks, y’know, this thing I love keeps appearing but I don’t know if I can trust it to not make me sick, and it’s like- like some god out there knows all that. It just sucks.” He’s such a loser, isn’t he. 

“Jason,” Nico says, again in that soft, almost pitying tone. “It’s- It’s not a god.” 

“What?” 

Nico swallows, and shuffles around on the blanket. He folds up his legs, and then tangles his hands together and looks down at them. 

If Jason didn’t know better, he’d say Nico almost looked…

“I’ve been the one sending you brownies. I know you like them, uhm, and I wanted to help you feel better. Cheer you up, I guess.” 

…guilty. 

Nico looks back up at him, through his eyelashes, then immediately back down. “I didn’t know you were allergic,” he says. “I-I’m really- I’m so sorry.” 

“You’re the brownie ghost?” 

This time, Nico looks up with fluttering eyelids, a confused wrinkle to his brow. 

Jason stares back at him as his stomach launches back up from underground, as his chest squeezes and his shoulders lift, “you’re the brownie ghost!” 

“I, uhm, sorry?” 

There was no god taunting him! No awful portent of an oncoming apocalypse! Just a misguided friend trying to do something nice, oh, gods, Jason could touch the clouds right now. 

Nico was being sweet! To him! 

“Are you mad at me?” Nico asks. 

Jason only barely refrains from bear hugging him. “No! Nico, gods, no, I-I thought- I mean, you heard what I thought, but- you were trying to cheer me up?” 

“I really didn’t know.” 

“No, I know you didn’t. I know you wouldn’t do that. Oh my gods, that is such a relief, you don’t even know. I was so freaked out-” Jason stops himself, catches the pinched up look on Nico’s face. “It was a really, really nice thing, with context. 

Nico doesn’t look totally convinced, but he drops his shoulders, relaxes his fingers. “I’m still sorry.” 

“Already forgiven.” Jason looks down at the brownie again, and laughs. “You’re incredible, you know that?” 

He doesn’t have to look to know Nico’s ears are red, to know he’s shaking his head to himself either in disbelief, or an attempt to shake off the compliment. But it’s true, no matter what Nico tells himself. He’s incredible. 

“Whatever,” Nico mutters. Then, after a moment, he slumps all the way back to the ground, and sprawls. 

Jason tosses the brownie to Peleus and dusts the crumbs off on Nico’s shirt. 

When Nico cracks an eye open to glare at him, Jason grins, with one last petty swipe of his hand. 

(Later that night, after the campfire, Jason settles into his cabin, still smiling about how silly he’d been. When he rolls onto his side, there is a brownie on his nightstand, lit by the yellow glow of the only lamp. 

Written on the napkin, in shaky, unpracticed handwriting, it says, “no nuts. I triple checked.” 

Jason has never eaten anything faster in his life.) 

[marathedemonoverlord]

So I think I'm over my Obey Me Phase or like at least over Nightbringer because it's Season was shit but just you know food for thought...

Aint it funny how MC is now completely isolated from other humans/their friends/family/pets?

Like my friend and I were talking about it and like imagine MC has HUMAN/MORTAL family and friends that they talk to every time they were separated from the brothers. Like whenever the Immortals really tries them or pushes them they can go to their human friends for like a palate cleanser and a clear head/remind themselves and ground them to the reality of their situation/support from NOT blind lemmings. Like sort of remind them that they're still human and not on the same playing field as immortal Demons/Angels/Sorcerers

But now in Nightbringer that's literally stripped from them; MC has NO ONE outside of the Brothers/Immortals they're literally FORCED to bond with their circle of dysfunctionals and its like now you are stuck in that toxic friend circle because literally your circle of support hasn't been born/exist yet. That's fucking horrific.

No wonder MC is far more clingy and annoying in Nightbringer than they are in OG; Every lesson is a chip away at their original personality and sanity to replace it to the codependent creep MC is now lol.

[chlorine-and-daisies]

i see people with internet friends who gush about each other's work and write collabs and exchange ideas, and it's beautiful

people who have found their own voice and unique takes on characters

and i enjoy it on one level but on another level it's just like

i'm not good enough to deserve to be let into that

sometimes it hurts more to know that you're not a bad writer, you're just a mediocre one.

like i usually don't get hate or even constructive criticism (which btw i would welcome) on my writing, i've received one or two very sweet comments that mean the world to me

but generally i haven't gotten much of a response in terms of hits/kudos/comments, my stuff just flies under the radar usually, which suggests that a. i need to improve my summaries and tags and b. i'm just not standing out in this huge fandom

there is so much good and unique writing out there, and i don't have super original ideas, i tend to write things that are pretty simple and short and not super original

and also obviously my mostly canon compliant oneshots won't be able to get attention next to longer aus

and i'm young with lots of time to grow comparing myself to experienced writers but god

i often leave long comments on people's work and make recommendations and analyze what they're doing, i try to support others and hope that the friendships will come but it feels like i'm just here alone

because again i can't stand out

and don't get me started on that boop day which was fun but i gave Way Way More than i received and it felt like a popularity contest in a way

i wish i had better ideas, i wish i could write something more touching

i wish i was likable

i have enough knowledge to recognize good writing but not enough skill to write something good myself

i'm so painfully jealous

even in a large fandom the world is so small and so lonely

it's a self fulfilling cycle where the lack of reception translates into lack of motivation and second-guessing myself and writer's block

i finally scheduled a consultation with student health at my college today, something i should have done years ago

and as i take steps to improve my mental health i hope that i'll start to be able to interact with others in healthier ways and stop comparing myself so much

but for the time being it's just so hard, it's so hard

it's ironic how i joined this fandom because of my connection to aziraphale, someone who is also socially awkward and absorbed in special interests, but it ended up making me feel worse about those traits in myself

bc he is an angel and doesn't care about being cringy, but i am unfortunately human

my partner says i should take a break from tumblr if it's no longer fun for me

i probably should

[pharawee]

A few random thoughts on today's episode of DFF:

It's kind of telling that Phee's dad is only doing his job because he thinks he's bailing out his son.

It's also telling that Non stayed quiet when Phee asked him to be his boyfriend.

And it rubbed me the wrong way that he was so adamant about Non telling him what's bothering him. There's being concerned and there's being possessive.

But (while Non is of course not to blame) I somewhat understand why Phee was upset and why he broke things off with Non. Then again, ending things by wishing Non would die? Yikes. Also, what was that bit about accusing Non of doing this *again*?

I'm not sure it was Jin who leaked the clip. Did he really hit send before the shortage? Then why did he protest when Fluke asked him about it?

But yeah, did Jin make a mistake (at first I thought he recorded the clip so that he'd have evidence against the teacher - because the way he looked all concerned in the classroom before, it seemed like he knew what was about to happen)? Absolutely. But if it's really Phee (and Tan) behind the masked killer in the present then he's got some nerve being all judgemental, because he's just as much to blame for how things turned out.

Despite all of this, I'm still rooting for Jin.

While we're at it. I'm not really vibing with the whole revenge thing anyway but I get that that's a me-thing. I just hope the show remains as nuanced as it is now because I don't think any of these boys deserves brutal murder for what they did (and how would anyone even be able to unravel the blame on moral grounds alone? because that's not how that works) - especially with how the show keeps showing us how Por is abused at home and how Tee is essentially being held hostage by his criminal uncle.

Except for the teacher. The teacher deserves prison.

[introspectivememories]

touch-starved bernard dowd is sooo canon to me

[sweet-prince-marth]

.

[moreaugriffins]

Dr Who: The Brigadier is a silly military man. He's stubborn, and unflappable, and extremely loyal to the Doctor and his men (soldiers). This man can deal with anything, like a champ. Water off his back, yknow?

Lethbridge-Stewart books: This dude is getting traumatised every single day and he doesn't get a moment's break. Anything that could happen to him, will. Will he cope with the trauma? not really. He's a resilient dude, but he'll just pretend most of it didn't happen, for his own sanity

[vatrocvet]

every time i remember these lines (and how they're delivered) my soul makes the same noise glass does when you step on it