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oldguardleatherdog · 1 year

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I am a survivor of the terror attacks on the World Trade Center in Lower Manhattan on September 11, 2001. I lived four blocks due east of the Towers.

I lost my home that day, was homeless and destitute for years, and in 2018, after extensive vetting by the CDC, NIH, and NIOSH, was given a Zadroga Act diagnosis of 9/11-connected PTSD as a result of my experience and exposure to the aftermath in the World Trade Center Disaster Area from 9/11/01-1/20/02.

Monday will be the 22nd anniversary. As always, I will mark the day with my family and loved ones, and I may or may not be online that day and evening... every year is different.

I no longer dread it, and neither should you. Speaking as the only person most of you will ever likely know who was directly affected, literally a card-carrying Certified Survivor of 9/11, I hereby grant you freedom from all anxiety, guilt, despair, anger, resentment, discomfort, and anything and everything else that remains in your spirit and mind and heart that troubles you about that day, that has never quite resolved, that prevents you from sharing the joy in my own heart at having survived, at being alive.

If you must be angry, be angry at the way we were used in the years that followed, but do not aim that anger at us any longer. We who were injured in the attacks that day are not the ones to blame, nor did we have any say in or influence over anything that flowed from them. We who survived are not to blame for the bigotry you suffered or the wars that followed or the scorn of your view of this country and its leaders. We did not slaughter untold millions of innocents in faraway lands.

The random, free-floating anger, the wishes that we too had died in the attacks, the perverse cries to me and others of "you deserved it!", make those who attack us complicit in the attacks of that day - because we were targeted for 22 years in the same way that the terrorists targeted us for slaughter that morning.

The home I knew and the place I loved no longer exists. What's there now belongs to another generation, where new life has grown out of the charnel house of devastation, where memories have been made and children have played and careers have flourished and love has been found and lost and found again, and there is comfort there.

Don't worry about us; we take care of our own. You honor us best by living as we do: fully, freely, always going forward, always in the light.

I will keep you close in the days ahead. You are never far from my heart.

"I AM ALIVE"

Animal J. Smith

#my first selfie #information gladly given #i am alive #animal j. smith #the day between september 10th and september 12th #don't be scared #we are fine #understanding will come in time

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butchfalin · 10 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months

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Expertise can't help you here.

#dungeon meshi #kabru #laios touden #falin touden #Happy Thistle Thursday once again. Have I been holding on to this comic for several weeks? Sure have!#I forgot how long it takes for Chimera Falin to come into play.#I still really love my 'better drawn' art of her - unfortunately it was several weeks too early for the anime only folks.#Slowly getting the hang of drawing Laios. I don't know why I struggle so much but I am getting...somewhere.#Meta time: God damn I love how the chimera shows off the expertise and gap between Kabru and Laios.#The truth is: they are both *right* and they are both *wrong*.#This creature is a combination of monster and human and they only have the skillset to deal with one of those.#Kabru goes for all the human vitals - but she isn't human.#Laios tries to approach her as a monster and is struck down by the humanity he sees in her.#She is something new that defies what they *both* understand about the world. And that makes her such a perfect antagonist.#The damsel was the dragon all along!#...She is really so cute though. Terrifying! But adorable. I am so excited to see the boom of fanart for her.

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mythicalcoolkid · 2 months

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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side

#m/cc #mine #I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges #and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like #a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with #there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example #or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone #*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have #I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side #for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others #for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me #and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public #and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist #that's why there's so much awareness happening for it #but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people

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spaceacerat · 3 months

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I see you disabled people who don't know your family medical history because your family members couldn't/wouldn't/weren't allowed to go to the doctor and never got diagnosed, or don't know your family.

I see you disabled people who didn't know you were disabled growing up, physically or mentally, maybe because your parents didn't have insurance and couldn't afford it/wouldn't take you seriously/didn't think it was a problem because they had it/doctors couldn't figure it out.

I see you disabled people who have bouts of an issue that you grew up with, that are/were infrequent enough that you never really thought about it and dealt with it on your own, and when you have one in front of people who weren't medically neglected, you wonder why they look so horrified as you describe it.

I see you disabled people who didn't/haven't had any amount of care or accommodation for their disability since it started, because you couldn't get diagnosed.

I see you disabled people who grew up thinking everyone had the same problem as you and that it was normal and so you accepted it, because you didn't understand how the human body worked and had no real frame of reference nor the language to ask for help, or the people around you saw it and just ignored it.

I see you disabled people only now understanding that what you experience is abnormal, and that there are things that can be done to help it, make it easier, or at least help you understand yourself better.

I see you disabled people that will never be able to get diagnosed or get the help you need, whether from being poor, lacking insurance, or any number of reasons.

This shit is hard, and there are people who will never quite understand your struggles. It doesn't seem to get talked about as much, but I wish it was. Please know I love you, and you aren't alone.

#Disability #Disabled #Cpunk #Mental illness #Medical neglect #Living with people who grew up going to the doctors is wild. Turns out most people don't have heart attack-type symptoms 1-3 times a year #Or blisters. Or random moments where a body part is in pain. Or any number of my health issues I may never come to understand #There would be a higher national statistic of people who are disabled if people could be diagnosed #And I swear by this.#Healthcare

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captainjonnitkessler · 2 months

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The second you start talking about some mysterious "they" that are controlling society in some fashion, you are engaging in dangerous conspiratorial thinking even if you're being woke about it. "They" did not institute the 40 hour work week specifically so you would be too tired to revolt. "They" did not invent the sleek minimalist aesthetic in order to crush the spirit of art in the common people. "They" are not pushing mediocre media into the mainstream in order to poison people's critical thinking skills.

Your best case scenario after that is you talk to someone who actually knows what the fuck they're talking about and you get embarrassed because you can't answer basic questions about your own ideology because you never learned anything past "the ruling class/capitalists/politicians are making things bad and if we got rid of them the bad things would all go away!"

Your worst case scenario is obviously the woo-to-fascist pipeline and you end up believing Jews are poisoning American food supplies with GMOs in order to turn us all into beta cucks, so like . . . maybe just stop blaming "them" before you fall down that route.

Obligatory round of disclaimers: Yes, sometimes people do bad things. Be specific about exactly who is doing what instead of ascribing it to some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, sometimes things in society are bad. Learn to identify the root causes of complex social issues instead of assuming that they're actually extremely simple to fix and we're just not doing it because of some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, minimalism isn't for everyone. Learn that some people don't share your tastes and get the fuck over it for the love of god.

#surprise! this was actually just my way of complaining that that 'classical tutor' post is going around again #complaining about the degeneracy of modern society because our cars aren't colorful enough or whatever #what if i told you that sometimes societal tastes and customs change naturally over time #and not because of targeted interference from vague groups of shadowy elites #anyway! be specific in your words and actually work to understand the underlying causes of things #and above all else understand that sometimes people just like things that you don't like #and that's not a conspiracy. it's not even hard to understand. like come on people #skepticism umbrella

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lucabyte · 3 months

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sometimes everything just sucks real real real bad

#bonnie my beloved perceptive no filter bonnie my fucking beloved #divorce ass fucking ship dynamic. you are upsetting the fucking children.#isat spoilers #isat fanart #isat #in stars and time fanart #in stars and time spoilers #in stars and time #isat bonnie #isat siffrin #isat loop #siffrin #lucabyteart #sifloop #YES THIS GOES IN THE SHIP TAG. DIVORCE DIVORCE DIVORCE #anyway i have a lot of thoughts on loop and bonnie as im sure does everyone. both before and after they learn who they are #i think a lot about how loop has several lines gently reassuring siffrin that bonnie never actually hated them. they've had time to reflect #and while theyve not healthily come to terms with much... they seem to actually have come to understand that one... and yet...#they aren't siffrin anymore now are they?#anyway im off on my travels for the next 2 weeks ! my wips shall stay that way for a while! yes this is a fucked one to leave u with!!!#byeeeee !!! ill be back !!!!#sorry to the claude wip for being stuck in purgatory for like over a month im usually not like this <3 #abuse tw #as requested

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madamemiz · 1 year

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sad: falling out of a hyperfixation

tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it

#oughhhhhhh #this is about the dca fandom but also about every other strong fixation ive had over the years lol #i know it's normal and inevitable esp for less popular works or minor characters with little canon content #and there's nothing wrong with smaller communities of course those rock #but there’s just something special about getting into something at the same time as a lot of other people all at once #and existing in this chaotic fandom space that's just bursting with creativity and passion #i've been in fandom spaces for as long as some of you have been alive and i've only come across that sort of unbridled joy like #a handful of times at best #it's just a heartbreaking feeling to see real lightning in a jar fandoms like that wither away as people drift away #(understandably so!)#anyway don't mind me i'm just having thoughts #musing about fandoms past as well #that i too eventually moved on from but remember fondly even if im not active in anymore #also my music just aint hitting right so im just sitting in silence which makes me more Contemplative(tm)

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sharkylad · 18 days

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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.

Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?

Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.

The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.

Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.

It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.

I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.

He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.

#gravity falls #grunkle stan #stanley pines #STANLEYYYYYY #STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants #Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with #the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten #The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you #that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help #If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once #Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON #I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming #But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything #Like he really mattered so little to the people around him #and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too #I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him #The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things #And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year #Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people #the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better #its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand

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mellpenscorner · 3 months

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Modern Writing Advice: don't load your readers down with a bunch of different names! Keep things simple so they can remember what you're talking about.

JR²T Himself: And here are these three mountains. Now listen to Gimli wax poetic about them and their names and histories in three different languages, then refer to the Extra Educational Material at the end of your volume to see what he's talking about.

#oh jirt #people who haven't read the books don't understand how much they read like travel/cultural guides at times #everyone is a linguist and is JUST as anxious as jirt is for you to know that #Also way more flower and plant names come up than you would expect #like #tolkien #buddy #I love you #but what the heck is a saxifrage #lord of the rings #lotr #the two towers

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olasketches · 8 months

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two sides of the same coin

#itadori yuuji #ryomen sukuna #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #my art #jujutsu kaisen fanart #brainrot incoming (pls don’t mind me)#one thing sukuna and yuuji have in common is that they’re both absolutely miserable #sukuna is utterly selfish and yet it only made him hollow inside and now he’s just killing time waiting for death to come #yuuji is completely selfless and yet it’s only made him suffer and bc of that he’s been constantly trying to check out of life #and I think the funniest but also the most painful thing about these two is that…#despite that they’re vastly opposite they might be the only people that can understand each other the most #imagine them having a heart to heart lol maybe then they would realise some things about themselves

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months

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Daddy, don't go.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #jiang fengmian #Scenes that are tragic but still made me laugh: JFM wrapping the boys *right back up* after finding out it was YZY who tied them up.#I know he did it because he understands the severity of what's going on in lotus pier & the need to protect his children.#But it also comes off as 'Oh your mother said so? Yeah I'm not overruling her. Listen to your mother kids. I gotta go.'#You guys ever think about how the last time Jiang Cheng saw his parents alive it was them both pushing him away one last time?#I do!!! I sure do!!! Now you can too! Welcome to my sad little club. The refreshments are all saltwater.#And the subtle difference in who the parting is intended for. YZY meant to leave WWX with JC as a protector. JFM wants them both safe.#The reveal that Zidian responds to JFM aches so badly.#The fact the weapon she literally lashes out with also reveals her heart is so poetic.#I sure hope they can reconcile their feelings. I hope it all works out.#This is the last of the math boat jokes. Back to labeling the boats properly after this.

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turtleblogatlast · 4 months

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I think a lot about Leo standing up for his brothers in the things that really matter to them.

Like- Leo is the one who immediately pushes Mikey and Donnie into finding Raph the second it’s clear that their oldest brother is missing because he knows Raph can’t handle being separated like that.

Leo is the one who stands up for Mikey when Mikey wants to go on a solo mission, actively vouching for him and being the one to convince Raph into letting Mikey go, because being independent and proving himself just as capable of standing on his own two feet as everyone else means so much to Mikey.

And Leo defends Donnie’s honor in particular when his brothers’ intelligence is insulted because Leo is well aware of how important Donnie’s smarts are to him - and how important having those smarts valued and acknowledged is as well.

All this goes right into just how well Leo knows his brothers. For as much as he’ll tease or fight with them, he knows them, and he loves them.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #listen Leo loves his family SO MUCH #and like it’s no accident that Leo is consistently the one to give pep talks that #very notably #are less ‘everyone as a group’ and more ‘all of you individually’#it’s heartening to see honestly and like #it works with how he is as both a person and as a fighter #he knows people he knows them so well he knows how they work what they’re like #which is SO USEFUL for subterfuge AND portal/teleportation strategy #my guy is charming his charisma comes from his understanding of people at an individual level #when he wants to be he is very very good at that #he’s still a teen who is too cocky for his own good at times but that does not negate his stellar other moments #he can be selfish he can be mean he can be rude but when push comes to shove he is so quick to stand up for his family #Mikey’s statement at the end of the movie about how Leo NEVER gave up on THEM is so important because it’s not JUST about the movie!!#that’s Leo as a whole he will never give up on his bros #portal jacked is telling of this too because although it has a lot of comedic moments #never once does Leo stop looking for a way to get his bros back #they’re everything to him #he’s the face man he’s a people person and he’s the number 1 pet turtle which I will discuss the implications of in this essay-#Will also say that when Leo does these moments of standing up for his bros he’s never expecting praise for it #he’s just glad they find Raph he just smiles when Mikey tells him he loves him he never mentions defending Donnie #leo has a tendency to show off fancy glittery moves but his real actions and feelings are sooo much more lowkey #that you have to be actively looking for them to catch them all #and I really really like that about him it’s so interesting HE is so interesting

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thenameisgul · 2 months

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it’s actually no surprise that how many angels who actually care for Cas seem to hate Dean and Sam.

because from their pov sam and dean are the bad influence that got their indomitable leader of the garrison Castiel to stray from his path and become this sidekick to two humans

everything Cas gets out of this transaction, this family of his, love, friendship, companionship, feelings, hopes and dreams are things that are alien to the angels

samamdriel said it best, ‘too much heart was always Cas’ problem’ but he said it like it was a bad thing

but for Cas it’s the reason for his existence since he found his family and that’s why he’s the perfect blend of humanity and angelic existence. he’s the middle ground that never was before 🥺

#I mean even I as a casgirl can get mad at sam and dean a lot of the times for how they treat cas #so imagine how it is for angels who believe themselves to be so much better and holier than thou #add on the fact that they can’t really understand the kind of love and friendship that exists between cas and the Winchesters #it’s only understandable they’re completely bewildered lmao #I’m a sucker for rebels who break ranks and come to fight for the underdogs because it’s the right thing to do #and no one has rebelled like Cas has rebelled in tv history #beautiful character arc #😍😍😍#supernatural #castiel #spn #destiel #dean winchester #misha collins #deancas #sam winchester

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daily-sifloop · 2 months

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Day 46: "shy"

#in stars and time #isat #sifloop #isat siffrin #siffrin isat #isat loop #loop isat #odile isat #isat odile #isat mirabelle #mirabelle isat #desert art #the ways of sifloop flirting are beyond human understanding #what did siffrin say? whatever your mind comes up with is way funnier than what I could say #either way Loop is absolutely seduced by it #odile is like an ace attorney character when bewildered

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dollya-robinprotector · 5 months

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Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky~

Inspired from This post of @just-dol-headshots and this ask from @hakusins. Don't worry I'm still aiming for your ass Haku-Dean :) References and something under the cut

We all have to agree Bully Robin should have some softer and caring sides. When there's only them two and no one else is around to judge, he can let loose and slip back into that kinda of "Original Robin" we know and I love. I mean, that's what JDOLH made that got me into these swap messes from the beginning jsjkhskjhd you knowww the HUG!!

Reference: Barbie Girl (Aqua) and this cute ecchi Clamp Chobit piece

All in all I'm a pink bietch and Dollya won't be losing her V-card anytime soon that I can promise so hang in there okay mr.Bully.

edit: OMG THIS IS MY 1000TH POST TTOTT)) JKSDJLASKJKDLA

SELF-INDULGENT HERE WE GO

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