#using the words feeling or emotion
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Different standards
#didnt mean to do this one in quote unquote colour but it wasnt legible without it so. heres a treat i suppose#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#coughs up a lung. anyway. ramble time as per usual. this is what i was warming up for btw in case it wasnt obvious#besides being another entry in the 'letting bonnie read loop for filth on accident' series. this is mostly self indulgent musings on#headcanons (and i will just use that word here.) ive previously rambled about in other tags and posts#namely: in the scenario that loop integrates into the party as a New Person for quite a while before The Truth Come Out. i feel they have#a decent chance at really scoring a slam dunk in becoming a guardian figure for bonnie? loop's demeanor is already colder and a tiny#bit more level-headed than siffrin's in the way they seem to discuss bonnie with them. namely pointing out that bonnie#never really hated them. it seems to be one thing they're genuinely at peace with? they've seen by now the truth that bonnie#was just scared and upset. and likely now knows that what bonnie wants is to be treated with grown-up respect within reason. plus loop#already scores bonus points with bonnie since they didnt 1. fuck up bad like sif did in act 5 and 2. saved sif in the party's eyes#... but then when it turns out that this clean-slate relationship with a stranger was siffrin being deceitful? must have been odd.#bonnie seems to really dislike being lied to. the question is whether they'd see it that way? would they feel betrayed there?#anyway. this is set after all those emotions are at least settled some. loop able to be more physically affectionate... and yet#still not letting themselves be quite as close as they'd like perhaps. perhaps...#anyway translucent pyjamas because i dont care if you're comforting a crying child you've GOT to SERVE!!!#and also i feel like the party probably wouldn't let loop stay completely naked for that long. especially not post-reveal anyway
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Archery Nemesis.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#jin zixuan#wei wuxian#(Trying to not break my own continuity by showing WWX changing outfits in the middle of a comic...I'm doing my best...)#The original line for the third panel was just 'fuck you' which admittedly is a funnier line.#Wei Wuxian really does call JZX a little pretty boy (not in those words but close enough) and then dramatically one-ups him...#Not only that; he tries to use Lan Wangji's headband as a blindfold. Which I think we need to take a moment to analyze.#It's probably easiest to look at this as ship-tease but I think it's far more in line with how WWX's mask is slipping.#He knows full well how poorly touching LWJ's headband went in the past.#But somehow - in this moment of his anger being targeted at JZX - that crucial information is forgotten.#He's got tunnel vision over something so small...and what do we know about emotions that don't suit the supposed cause?#Why that would be displacement. Something is bothering him and it sure is *not* just Jin Zixuan's fancy ass.#WWX came back but he didn't come back the same. It's rather unsettling how it feels like he's putting on a performance of himself here.
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Knight and a reaper 🗡️🪦

#slay the princess#voice of the cold#voice of the hero#stp fanart#stp#stp voices#some notes about their designs here#hero's eyes are the only part of his face visible as he's trustworthy and down to earth#he wears his emotions on his sleeve and is generally honest with the slayer instead of using words like the opportunist for example#his armour is not very practical At All#showing how he's been thrust with the slayer into a role that he's ultimately not ready for#his heart and vital organs are exposed showing vulnerability and kindness#and i thought a bascinet helmet was a cute design choice for a cute bird man#and for the cold#him being fluffy was actually inspired by @justcherryqwq's cold#i like him he's a soft little guy#but also shows how he's got such a thick barrier to feelings and emotion#and his whole design was a little bit inspired by the ghost of christmas yet to come from the muppets christmas carol specifically#little random#i'd also like to think that his eyes would be visible at the end of the fury chapter :)#ramble over!#blues art
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DATV explaining the 'Regret Prison'
A REGRET PRISON IS STUPID AND I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT ITS NOT
TL;DR: a prison can serve as a metaphor but it shouldn't be entirely comprised of a metaphor.
From what I understood from what the game gave us: Solas has made a new prison to move the God's too - since bringing down the veil would free them from the Black City. This new prison is separate(?) from the fade or so far removed/contained that bringing down the veil would not compromise it...apparently. We interrupt his ritual, Solas gets sucked into the new prison he made, and the elven gods are free.
When Rook gets kicked into the fade they're physically there - which means it's a physical place in the fade, like how it was a mixture of physical/thought when we entered it in DAI. Which makes sense - the gods are real and living beings, they need to be in a place, there must be some aspect of physicality to it.
Alright, cool, it's a Black City 2.0 - I assume it's better defended to prevent people breaking in/out again?
NOPE.
We get there and it's a 'regret prison'?? It's tied to the regrets of those within it? Composed of regrets??? Solas had to wait for the right moment for Rook to be sufficiently 'full of regret' that they could switch places?
So is the prison tied to Solas's regrets? If so, how can Rook escape? The prison seems to work around the idea that it relies on the regrets of the person it's holding to work - which is how/why Rook was able to be trapped and later free themselves (along with whatever remains of the team apparently being able to do something on their end, not that we hear about it).
WHICH IS STUPID!
Are you telling me the prison intended to hold to megalomaniac elven gods was going to imprison them based on their own regrets? Is Solas assuming that Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain are as self-pitying as he is? They'd break out quicker than Rook did! He made a time out corner for the elven gods to sit in and gave them an out if they reflected on their emotions/regrets or decided that they don't regret what they did. Elgar'nan, a spirit of tyranny, is not going to 'regret' his actions - he is going to justify them by telling himself and others that he knows what's best.
We can come across some of Solas's regrets in the prison if you run around a bit and explore:
Remnant of Failure - talking about the orb from Inquisition.
Remnant of Parting - talking about Mythal
Remnant of Reflection - more vague, talking about the Titans I believe.
So maybe he altered it - maybe he intended the prison to be 'locked' with his own regrets because after a millennia of having a pity party he still can't bring himself to self-reflect and look to the future. But what if Solas died? Or if his guilt lessened - would it diminish the strength of the regret prison?
We already have pre-established lore (though DATV has shown they don't really give a crap tbh) that once the being that has claimed/altered an area of the fade is slain, it's influence diminishes both in and outside of the fade. So if the prison was tied to his regrets then it would require Solas to basically live forever to keep it stable - especially if he brought down the veil and removed the one barrier that kept the world and the fade apart.
Rook and Solas needed some assistance to exit - but it doesn't seem like it was much! Solas used his dagger and Rook just...got out through a fade tear? This is Solas's 'more secure' second prison? It has a worse track record than the Black City! If Rook - who is not an elven god - managed to escape the regret prison what is to stop anyone else from breaking in and out of the prison?
And what did Solas intend to do with the blight - the bulk of which is apparently in the black city?? If bringing down the Veil would free the gods in the black city doesn't that mean that the blight would also be released?! Did he have a plan? Why does he go fully ahead with bringing down the veil at the end if the black city is still there and filled with blight?!
I get it: the 'regret prison' is a metaphor for how Solas holds onto the past and how Rook can move past their regrets and grow. He's trapped by the past - it's a prison. Cool. But this prison is supposed to by a physical place to contain the gods - not just to solely contain Solas. The mission is literally called 'A Cage for Gods'.
The Black City is an actual place that's so far out of reach of anywhere else in the fade that no mage can ever reach it while in dreams - let alone physically, which was only done once and took tremendous effort/blood sacrifices. It made sense - it was cool to see floating in the sky in DAO!
Though it's not said specifically, it's strongly implied that Arlathan is the Black City. You can see in the concept art that floating elven city is exactly the same as the black city in DAO! It's this foreboding thing just lurking in the sky - a constant reminder of the sin that led to the horrors of the blights and darkspawn. A real place with lore and history that also serves as a metaphor for the hubris and destruction of those who call themselves gods and act as tyrants -> for both the evanuris and the magisters.
I WANT TO UNDERSTAND THIS BIOWARE!
WHAT IS THIS KINGDOM HEARTS NONSENSE???!!
#we'll need Mickey and Donald to break us out of this one#this screams 'this sounds so cool lets put it in' and not 'how can we do something cool that works with the world we've established'#“it's metaphorical-” it can be metaphorical and make sense!!!#trying to invoke 'emotion' with that black and white tone and only succeeded in getting me to feel pure confusion and rage#THE FADE IS GREEN TINTED - THE LAST GAME WAS LITERALLY COLOUR THEMED AFTER IT#i'm passionate about the fade being green the same way i'm passionate about Aurora's dress being blue and Cinderella's being silver#solas's more secure second prison literally has a worse track record than the black city - why is he so dumb???#I regretted no choices in datv besides the decision to actually play this game lmao#if the game actually acknowledged that Rook's actions led to thousands of people dying maybe I'd feel something in the regret prison#no mention of treviso/ minrathous/ or southern thedas??#the team all knew the risks of what they were doing! they volunteered/made their own choices - ME2 did this so much better#played as an elf so I didn't even feel bad when Harding died because of the weird elf specific dialogue she had#I'm not sorry for the titans/what Solas did - I wasn't even there! Doesn't justify the shit that happened to the elves after either!#this game made me apathetic to LACE HARDING and i loved her in Inquisition#i'm sorry but I had more regret for choosing to speak mean to Merrill once than anything I did in this game#currently writing about the magisters sidereal in my lore post and I needed to blurt this out because its so stupid#typed out the word 'regret' so much is has no meaning in my head anymore lmao#datv critical#datv spoilers#bioware critical#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard critical
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☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]
{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]
This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.
She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.
But it'd been almost a week since then.
The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.
That counted for something.
Not much, but something!
..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.
There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.
She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.
So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.
Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.
Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.
Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.
She really didn't like it.
There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.
She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.
She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.
That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.
Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.
But he wasn't.
He was out running her nation, instead.
And what was she doing? Nothing!
She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.
Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.
Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.
..She wasn't ready.
What was she supposed to say?
Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?
She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.
For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.
Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.
Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.
It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
"Focalors?"
The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.
She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.
"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"
The silence is deafening.
She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!
"Lady Furina?"
Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.
"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.
Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.
Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.
"Why aren't you killing me?"
The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.
She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.
"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."
The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.
He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.
..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?
How unfair.
"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"
She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.
..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.
She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.
For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.
Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.
For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.
Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.
She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.
She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.
She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.
"Again."
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#fic tag#neuvillette#focalors#furina#dont ask what happened here idk#this was. also supposed 2 be neuvi focused and then i.#dont talk 2 me abt focalors i wont ever shut up#got a 300k word essay on hand abt how i feel abt her character/how i interpret her personality and her story#focalors jsut like me fr fr (cries at the slightest inconvenience or the slightest mean comment)#shes so pathetic girlfail im gonna chew on her#what happens when reader gets stuck with two emotionally repressed french bastards?? hell#neuvi is the “emotionless” flavor of emotionally repressed in that hes HORRIBLE at showing emotions at all#ask him to smile and its incredibly unnerving and theres too many teeth but hes trying his best please call him pretty or he will cry :(#furina is the flavor of emotionally repressed where she makes it up by having Too Many emotions#using theatrics and masks to show everyone what they want to see but inside this girl is a MESS#constant anxiety and panic 24/7#will do random shit and look at you and if u dont compliment her she will think u hate her and cry#compliment her and she'll do even stupider shit to try and impress you more#i love my scrunkly little babies they r so stupid and mentally ill someone get these bitches some THERAPY#i want 2 put them under a microscope#watch this be ooc fr furina when more of her lore drops if shes not girlfail im leaving#anyway see u in a week im going on a trip ill get back 2 u in 6-7 business days
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shall i stay? would it be a sin if i can't help falling in love with you
#darkermatters#darkermatters au#art#eye strain#strike doubt#can you guys tell i like him.#i think i've used this song in a post before. but its good so its ok#strike makes me feel emotions that i cannot put into words#im obsessed with this thang
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one of my things with love is that i think it's probably like colors. yeah we have a thing that we all sort of agree is red. but we have no way to know if other people see red the same way as us. your red could be totally different from mine and we would never know because it has functionally the same relation to all of us and so we all just call it red. i have no way of knowing if anyone else on earth feels love the exact same way in which i do and in fact i think most people probably don't...
#this is about aromanticism btw#yeah i use love in a conventional way sometimes (telling friends i love them. all that)#genuinely though i do think that i feel love in a different way from everyone else#which is. alienating.#but also. intimate. is the word i want to use i think.#i have this thing that is just for myself. i am so aware of the way that i feel these emotions and they are just for me to understand.#special and beautiful and all that. aromanticism to me#valentine notes#aromantic#aromanticism
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The emotion behind the way Edwin uses fuck is so heavy, because outside of the pilot episode and the scene on the stairs, he doesn't swear. He's a proper boy, repressed and focused and he bottles everything up.
In the Pilot, "The police don't know what to do with a fucking witch", he isn't swearing about the witch. He's angry, and he's upset, and he's frustrated. He's trying to focus on solving this case, saving the girl, doing the right thing, fixing things. Edwin spent seventy years in Hell, fighting for a way out (the detail in his journal, he didn't get out on the first try, he spent those 70s years trying over and over and over to find a way out - but that is a story for a whole other time), torture and pain and heartbreak, only to get out and fall into the school to find out no one cared that he died. "An act of God." The school wrote him off, everyone wrote it off and that was it, that was the end of it, no one cared that a 16 year old boy went to bed and was never seen or heard from again, poof, gone. He spent Charles' last moments with him to keep him company, and calm, and not scared, the two of them knowing what had happened only for the school to once again cover up the death of a 16 year old boy and pretend that whatever happened didn't. Edwin spent the next 30 years connecting with Charles, trying to help ghosts so they don't spend their entire afterlives in a state of absolute sorrow and heartbreak like has. We get such a bare taste of the ghosts they've saved and helped move on, who knows how much good they've truly done, how many they've saved from going to Hell on technicalities like Edwin had done. He's frustrated with Crystal, because he's spent 30 years working with Charles and only with Charles, he knows his friend, he knows how he behaves and how he works and how he acts, those two are connected on a level some people only dream about, and here she comes, she latches on, and she joins them to help but she's so hyper focused on herself and David (understandably so), that she isn't giving the same attention to the case that Edwin and Charles have always done, and he's angry, and he feels like it's going to happen to this girl, he is worried that her focus on David, is going to cause them to fail. Crystal has every right to be upset and scared and everything else that she is, but she doesn't consider, until that moment, that Edwin has a right to be upset about how it seems to be interfering with the case. The way that she reacts when he says "The police don't know what to do with a fucking witch," she realizes it then just how important this case is. Edwin was dragged to hell, the boys around him obliterated - leaving behind the idea that maybe he was, too - so to the school, maybe Edwin just disappeared, like Becky, like all the other little girls over the years in Port Townsend. Solving Becky's case is so damn important to Edwin that he is taking it personally. And while it's subtle, Charles reacts to him swearing, too, as though Edwin does not swear. And based on the rest of the season, it's clear he really doesn't. The way he swears in the pilot is from a place of complete and utter sorrow and anger.
In ep 7, it's different. He's spent the whole season struggling with who is he, trying to come to terms with a feeling he'd repressed for at least a century, and he's had to do it while dealing with the Cat King and Monty and watching Charles flirt with Crystal and struggle through his own rage, he's done it as quietly as he could, as if bringing it up out loud might ruin everything that he's worked so hard for. But now he's in Hell, again, now he's trying to get out, again. Edwin encountered the reason he was sent there in the first place, and found out what really happened. Edwin spent all those years thinking it was purely malice that got him sacrificed, only to find out it was just because Simon had a crush on him, and did an absurdly stupid thing thinking it was harmless. I think in that moment, Edwin realized how easy it is to misunderstand something - because clearly, Edwin had absolutely no idea that Simon liked him at all, until the moment he admitted it in Hell. And then Charles shows up. Charles came to save him, armed with a bomb, a Molotov cocktail, and Edwin's notebook with a map of hell on it. Charles came down, he listened to Edwin's directions, he ran behind him most of the time to make sure Edwin was going to get out. Charles was with him, saving him from one of the rooms, following him to the stairs and up. He stopped with him, even when they needed to keep going, Charles let him have a moment on the steps. Edwin is in shock, he cannot believe it. All these years, all these write offs, all these moments where Edwin genuinely didn't think he'd ever get out of Hell if he were to go back, believed that if they ever got caught by Death or anyone from the afterlife, he would be damned forever because who gives a shit about a technicality, who cares about the poor boy that was sacrificed and written off by the rest of the living. Edwin didn't know what else to do or say, the emotions he'd kept bottled up while he tried to figure them out were coming out one way or the other. "It's so fucking stupid, it's unbelievable." Edwin didn't think he deserved it, thought it was stupid to come down and save him, because who would do such a thing. Charles risked himself to come down to Hell to save Edwin. Edwin never thought he'd be worth it. And when Charles just shrugs it off a bit, reminds him that he was gonna do it, and he's so easy about it that Edwin just. Confesses. And corrects him, when Charles misunderstands for a second. Charles didn't think twice about "Great. Love you too. Can we go?" And he really didn't even hesitate to reassure Edwin when Edwin clarified what he meant, that they had forever to figure things out.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#okay i am pretty sure i derailed somewhere in here#ecause i'm only like 45% sure of what i wrote#i just kept writing#i have a LOT OF FEELINGS about Edwin and his use of the word fuck#and a lot more feelings about this show#so idk enjoy my ramblings about Edwin and emotion
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(Spoilers for KCD2 romance)
One thing that really surprised me about Kingdom Come: Deliverance II (particularly the Hansry romance) was the direct reference to Galehaut and Lancelot (let me tell you I CHEERED), so I wanted to start talking about some other queer medieval Arthurian texts and Arthuriana adjacent texts.
I’m by no means an expert (I focus more on Welsh poetry and prose) but medieval Welsh literature includes some Arthurian literature, so I know a little about Arthurian Literature in general. Most of these stories are either Old French or German and about 13th century. SGATGK is 14th century.
For one, I want to say that the tale being referenced in the game is the Vulgate Cycle or the Lancelot-Grail Cycle (the Vulgate Cycle itself is multiple parts, with Lancelot’s (The Story of Lancelot/Prose Lancelot) being the largest). It’s a big ol’ mash up and retelling of a huge part of the early tradition + new stuff. There’s also the Post-Vulgate which is itself a retelling of the Vulgate Cycle. This is NOT the one you want if you’re looking for Lancelot and Galehaut.
Another thing of note about the Vulgate is that Galehaut and Lancelot are not the only ones I would give the old side eye. Gawain says (about Lancelot even!), “If God were to grant me my health… I’d immediately wish to be the most beautiful maiden in the world, happy and healthy, on condition that he would love me above all others…” Come on man.
Now, for other queer texts!
First up, I have to plug my best friend and my silly rabbit: Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Thanks to the movie (which was good but fairly different) this one is a bit more well-known. I could talk endlessly about the moral of the original story and I think the Gawain Poet is incredibly talented at weaving together imagery. I also appreciate Gawain’s willingness to kiss women AND men. Some argue that it’s not queer because of differing social norms but personally I think Gawain wanted it. And by it, haha well let’s jusrt say—
Next we have Parzival/Percival (referencing the German “version” by Wolfram von Eschenbach here. Each iteration of a “Percival”, including Chrétien de Troyes’ earlier (and unfinished) Story of the Grail, all have their own differences). This one is even more up to interpretation than SGATGK. There’s a very explicitly performative aspect to Parzival’s presentation (his gender is “knight”), focusing distinctly on clothing and the role clothing plays in others’ reactions to him that I think is very relatable. I don’t have much else to say about this one unfortunately. I read parts of it once years ago but it was super interesting and there has been scholarship done on Parzival and gender so…. take what you will from it.
The next stories are Arthurian adjacent (as in, medieval stories about knights). First off: Le Roman de Silence is either about a woman knight or a trans knight who is… sighs. Forcibly outed. Interesting read but definitely a bit of a downer if you interpret Silence as a trans man.
Yde et Olive, however is very explicitly about a trans man! Happy ending too! I was incredibly surprised to read a 13th century story about a trans man getting magical/miraculous top and bottom surgery (yes, forreal).
And to cap off this small list, here is some medieval Welsh literature. This one is just me being a little wistful, but let me tell you about Blodeuedd/Blodeuwedd and the Fourth Branch of the Mabinogi (Math fab Mathonwy). This one is…sad. It’s not a good ending for Blodeuedd, but I could wax poetic about her: how she was fashioned from flowers to fulfill a gendered role. How she failed to do so and was punished.
There are plenty of other stories with queer interpretations in Arthuriana and other medieval literature (do not get me started on Guinevere and Morgan le Fay’s whole… thing. Also Luned and her Lady…) and there are plenty of modern/early modern retellings that are explicitly queer. I just wanted to stick to medieval texts for this and also limit myself to a select few among that even.
#kcd#kingdom come deliverance#kingdom come deliverance 2#kcd2 spoilers#kingdom come deliverance 2 spoilers#kcd2#hansry#Len text#long post#there’s the whole argument in general about not interpreting these through a modern lens of queer identity#which I agree with but for the most part I think that argument tends to be a bit reductive#the idea that you can’t relate your own experiences to another’s#the idea that the people of the past were so foreign to us that there’s NO way they would have ever felt similar emotions#i think kcd does a good job of showing you how a story like one of these can make someone feel seen#Hans doesn’t say ���I think Lancelot and galehaut are gay’ because why would he#that’s not the words someone from his time would say or the way someone from his time would frame that#he heard the story and he felt a pull to it because he understands it deeply#he feels like it understands him#and it so happens that he and his feelings are perhaps not platonic#was the intention of the vulgate’s author to make galehaut and Lancelot lovers?#does it really matter? does it matter to Hans?#does it matter if it makes you feel seen?#if you’re trying to argue an author’s intention as being one way or the other you’re obviously going to need to back that up with some very#hard facts#but that’s really not what anyone is trying to do when they say ‘I see it this way’#fucking misspelled chretien de troyes gonna hit myself with rocks
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kilgharrah looking at arthur in 2.13 like he wants to inspect him under a microscope isnsndbsjs
#i get him#in other news i think 2.13 is actually like one of the optimal episodes to kickstart the arthur brainrot if anyone was curious#like just look at literally any scene in that ep and i guarantee some part of ur brain will automatically start withering#arthur being competent✅ arthur caring about his people more than anything✅#arthur almost condescendingly disregarding uthers orders✅#arthur being a bitch✅ a little shit✅ and asshole✅#a brat✅ annoyingly endearing about getting merlin to talk so he feels better✅#arthur using his dagger✅#arthur being scared of intimacy and genuine emotion✅ DESPITE HAVING INITIATED A CERTIFIED MOMENT LIKE A SECOND BEFORE✅#the knights all standing around him✅#the relieved ecstatic laugh and falling on his back after waking up from being unconscious and just taking merlins word that He Did That✅#like i really could go on. stellar episode 10/10#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon
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the fact that (almost) the first thing kris does after yeeting their soul at noelle's house is go play piano for a while is breaking me. like, they miss it. and they can't play it when the player controls them, so the only way to access one of their few hobbies, one of the few things that make them happy (also one of the few things they have left of dess since it's implied she was the one who played the piano in holidays' house) is to violently and painfully claw their soul out of themselves is brutal
#ada ramblings#still haven't finished btw just replayed that section trying to see if i could somehow change something#i cant :) to be expected but still#deltarune#deltarune spoilers#also kris *is* fucking good at piano#im so sorry im taking it from you child#also also maybe im wrong but chapter 3-4 kris feels even more unreactive dull and passively-resistant#they dont react to surprising things/loud noises the same way ralsei and susie do#they dont engage with big emotional moments#when you choose words for them they seem to repeat your choice verbatim not caring to make it sound like human talking#like when you choose something along the lines of “check up on susie” and susie then asks kris what they want#they seem to say verbatim “check up on susie” which she makes note of#like. kris isn't entertaining me-us-the player in any way anymore#maybe it was always like this tho idk#just a note
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I recently had an Anon send in a link to this video, which is an interview Michael and David did for the BBC when GO 2 came out in 2023.
This was already one of the most memorable GO 2 interviews (in my opinion), but a special thanks to the Anon for pointing out one little moment that I somehow did not previously catch, which is David's face when they are about to take a picture with Ali Plumb and he puts his arm behind Michael:
I've written previously on my blog about little moments where both Michael and David have gotten visibly jealous over the other receiving attention from someone else, and so that was what immediately came to mind seeing this. In particular, the time that Chris Hemsworth went to put an arm around David when they were on the Graham Norton Show and then stopped when he saw Michael's face:
I love that in both cases, it's this small thing of being aware of where "your" person is, and who is around them. With Hemsworth, Michael doesn't even move, and yet we can still feel that feeling and that conscious effort coming from him.
But with David, I don't know that he even realizes what he is doing, to where it's not an active choice, but rather something he just does without thinking. He instinctively watches who comes near Michael and whether they're touching him(!), in a way that just feels...special, somehow. Like if it were another co-star or friend, he would not be paying that close attention...and yet here, he does. Because it's Michael. And I just really, really love that.
So thank you, Anon, for bringing this to my attention. It's so interesting how there are so many instances of David being much more open (and definitely more touchy-feely with Michael) and "loud" on the GO 2 press tour than the one for S1. But this is a wonderful reminder that the quiet moments can be just as compelling and powerful...
#good omens 2#michael sheen#welsh seduction machine#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#interview#i love how Michael manages to convey 'he's mine' without saying a word#and how David does it as well but in a different way#and how you can feel that 'pull' so strongly#David is also soft with Michael in a way he isn't with others#< prev i started using that tag 3 years ago and it's become even more true over time#and i love that Michael is both his emotional support pet and his big Welsh bear#they are perfect together your honor#we should all be so lucky to find our Other Person#a friendship that's become something more#ineffable lovers#thoughts#discourse
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Jaiden: Cucurucho, you have a lot of power, right?
Cucurucho: ...I don't know. Maybe.
Roier: Ah... Yes, you know, don't act like a dumbass, you have it. You have it, man. Eh?
Jaiden: Is there a way for us to protect all the Eggs? Do you know? I don't want anything to happen to the Eggs that happened to Bobby.
Cucurucho: Ha ha ha
Roier: WHAT? [Smacks Cucurucho]
Jaiden: [Bops him] Headpats.
Cucurucho: Maybe.
Jaiden: [Continues to bop him] Headpats. C'mon, I can get it out of you! Headpats! Chin scratches! Belly rubs!
Roier: [Joins Jaiden in bopping Cucurucho, chuckling and laughs]
Jaiden: Yeah? He's comin' around!
[Jaiden and Roier both laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#Roier#Cucurucho#QSMP#Jaiden#Animations Family#There is. So much I could say about these three#and so much I could say about their relationship / interactions with Cucurucho and Osito Bimbo#Cards on the table... I really would have loved it if Cucurucho / Osito genuinely cared about Jaiden#I mean I know they DID care about her to some extent that much is clear#But they / the Federation were also ABSOLUTELY using her. I'm not arguing that they weren't#But how could anyone not be charmed by Jaiden? The boba the tea parties the head pats–#The empathy and kindness and everything that made q!Jaiden who she was–#Cucurucho and Osito were tools of the Federation but I do want to believe they cared about Jaiden. Albeit in their own fricked up way#I dunno. I know this sounds like massive copium probably but I watched all of her and Roier's streams interacting with them#and I personally think that conflict and duality makes for a more interesting story#But that's just me and my own personal biases. I dunno how to properly put it into words but I am cradling them all close to my heart#I loved Cucurucho / Osito and I thought they were interesting and I'm SO SAD we'll never know what Jaiden did for them in the past#Anyways. For anyone who's read this far into my rant– you know how Cucurucho saved the Eggs and Jaiden said she died in Purgatory?#I like imagining that she survived the bomb and wound up finding the Eggs in the aftermath#and she helped them survive until Cucurucho found them#I imagine that Jaiden was the reason they were able to escape from the Island / The Watcher / ElQuackity#She stayed behind to slow down their pursuers. And Cucurucho rescuing all the Eggs fulfilled his agreement with Jaiden—#A promise to protect the Eggs#Like I said a lot of this is copium but that's what I like imagining#TLDR: Cucurucho / Osito did care about her in a weird way but that doesn't mean they weren't manipulating her#May 31 2023#Idk man I got a lot of emotions about q!Jaiden#Roier too but I feel like I've done way more analysis posts about him and Cucurucho. Jaiden needs time in the spotlight#Anyways there's my monthly tag rant
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Honestly supercorp authors are one of the most talented writers i have come across with bc seriously the fics i’ve read recently
#jessrambles#yes im reading another sc fic and its so good#like the plot and how this is written and well thought off#like its so amazing how you make us readers feel things#like how your brain works wow how did you even think of this#thank you for writing such beautiful words and for conveying beautiful emotions#this fic is making me emotional i wont stop talking about this for days#supercorp#fanfiction
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Jewish (convert) culture is getting together all your jewish books and hounding the new jew-by-choice at shul
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#everyone pray he's at shul this shabbos PLEASE#weve had lots of people seek out our shul thinking about converting and a lot of them have seemingly backed out (temporarily or permanently)#i definitely respect that choice but i remember how much this community stepped up to help me and it makes me emotional#i am so grateful for my rabbi and community because now i *know* what to do when i see someone where i was#anyway to people in this process: learn to accept that this will eventually happen to you#don't be bashful about it. you have to learn eventually that we all are a family#and you can only learn that when you feel like part of the family#in fact one of the prayers we say at shul for yisrael (at least in english but almost certainly in some way the hebrew)-#-EXPLICITLY mentions us as a family. there's no avoiding it (i think)#one of our members is spotty about their attendance. the other members worringly mention how 'you can't be a jew alone - by yourself!'#that's what i mean by 'its inescapable'#i might have to make this tag rant a separate post because it's really important to me to emphasize this#so if you see a post with very similar wording just know i did it On Purpose#sometimes i wonder how many people are willing to read tag rants. personally i LOVE reading them. i feel it's part of our culture#i love how optional it feels though. like you're reading the personal notes on a manuscript#you aren't NOT supposed to read it but something feels so secretive and exhilarating (that's too intense of a word but i digress)
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im not the biggest alhaitham/kaveh shipper (because im a rare pair ho) but it seems to me that in alhaitham/kaveh getting-together fics tend to be... unequal.
the beautiful thing about alhaitham and kaveh is that they're both equally right and equally wrong and equally dicks about it. but the writers for alhaitham/kaveh much more frequently seem to give alhaitham the burden change (the burden of the character flaw) instead of kaveh.
in any good character arc, the main character has a fatal flaw or misconception, and by the end of that arc they have addressed that flaw in some definitive way. scrooge was a scrooge and learned that being that way was detrimental; merlin from finding nemo was overprotective to a fault and had to learn that he couldn't (and shouldn't) control everything and to let go; the wolf from little red riding hood learns that you should stop while you're ahead.
stories centering around romance tend to lean heavily on character arcs, which makes sense. and since romance generally requires two individuals to be vulnerable and open and emotional with each other, it makes double sense that alhaitham/kaveh authors zoom straight into alhaitham's lack of emotional vulnerability.
this bothers me.
in society, individuals are expected to experience and present emotions in a specific way. if someone dies, you cry. if someone smiles at you, you smile back. if you're at a party, you're supposed to be having fun. if you don't do these things, you're seen as impolite at best and a inhuman freak at worst. when these behaviors are frequent it's often viewed as emotional immaturity, or a lack of ability to feel at all. the inability or lack of willingness to conform to societies emotional expectations of you is seen as a flaw and a reason for exclusion.
alhaitham is canonically disliked and avoided for being the way he is. he prefers it this way, but that doesn't mean the people perpetuating this avoidance are in the right. they are the societal pressure to conform that alhaitham blows off. alhaitham could be the way he is for a lot of reasons: avoidant attachment style, trauma, following someone else's example (eg. his grandmother), or just his base personality. it doesn't MATTER. he is the way he is. kaveh having to accept that should be part of the story.
putting the burden of the fatal flaw on alhaitham, making the way alhaitham treats kaveh and the people around him the problem, feels invalidating. it implies heavily that alhaitham's way of interfacing with the world, alhaitham's very SELF, is incorrect. my suggestion is to flip a larger portion of that burden onto kaveh. kaveh 👏 character 👏 arcs 👏
some examples/recommendations:
- make kaveh project his insecurities onto other people but especially onto alhaitham; he's overly reliant on other people for his own self worth, and he perceives alhaitham's lack of positive feedback as a direct reflection of how alhaitham feels about him. but learns along the way that alhaitham doesn't hate him, kaveh's actual struggle is with hating himself and being unable to his own self as worthy of love. maybe throw in how you are responsible for your own recovery, other people can help but you can't rely on them to carry you through self actualization.
- or, kaveh tries to make alhaitham behave more like a "normal" person, to be more pleasant and emotive and forthcoming, and then realizes he's in the wrong for trying to make alhaitham into something he's not, possibly for all the wrong reasons (not because he likes alhaitham better like that, but bc society says that's healthier and a better/more conforming way to be)
- or you could go ahead make alhaitham's issues the main problem but they're too complicated to overcome in a short period of time, so kaveh has to accept alhaitham is doing his best in his own way and not push for unrealistic and unhealthy changes. he could alter his own behavior to give alhaitham space and time and a safe place to land.
that got sappy so it's past time for me to dip out. go forth and ship things; but maybe consider letting alhaitham be a rude stone-faced bastard if he wants to be.
#genshin#alhaitham#kaveh#alhaitham x kaveh#kaveh x alhaitham#kavetham#haikaveh#fanfiction#fandom discussion#meta post#i finally used a readmore are you proud of me#as an avoidant attachment girlie alhaitham is my oshi#pls just allow him to not emote#let the man vibe#i feel certain there must be a real word for the concept of... socially enforced emotional conformity#unrealistic societal expectations and for your inner world which is none of their business#but i sure couldn't find it#if anyone has any words for this pls let me know it's kind of killing me#anyway#i get so mad when the avoidant attachment coded character is forced into (independently by themselves) the arc of:#i realize now that my way of interfacing with people is wrong and bad. yay! i will change that immediately for the big emotional finale#like! with what therapy!!#and why is THEIR world view the incorrect one!!#i have seen fics where it was all a big misunderstanding and actually alhaitham loves kaveh deeply#and kaveh just has to get over his insecurities and understand alhaitham's love language or whatever#and sure. good effort.#but i feel like a lot of those fics aren't very accurate to alhaitham's character#they're retrofitting alhaitham's core personality to better suit the traditional romance narrative#i also think part of the problem is that alhaitham is a pov that's divorced from regular emotionally well adjusted people#and it's difficult to understand or write povs that are drastically different from your own
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