#usually they Win in romance as well with the very cool love interest who hangs around like tuxedo mask

[qserasera]

u kno those korean webcomics where the protagonist isekais themselves back to the start of their lives where they know their fate ends up being horrible and stuff, but they slowly use their foreknowledge and gain skills and social capital and power and fix-it fic their own life over eighty chapters

would be interesting to read something like that for annerose from logh

[my-soul-sings]

kiss the girl | ch 1

Fandom: Tears of Themis Characters: Artem x Reader 

Summary: Armed with a trusty book, Artem Wing attempts to win the woman of his dreams.

A/N: Artem’s personal story cracked me up so much that I had to write a fic about him with a less dense MC to troll him. :) 

***

It’s no secret that Artem is a genius. As the youngest person in Stellis to become a senior attorney, the firm has attracted hordes of clients seeking his services despite his higher-than-average hourly billing rates. Themis Law Firm may be a relatively new firm and much smaller compared to the bigger, reputable and more established ones in Stellis, but Artem’s presence has made it a force to be reckoned with in this industry. 

And yet, despite being perhaps one of the finest lawyers of his time, the Artem you know is quite something else altogether. You don’t really know how to explain it. Sure, he’s your boss and you admire his work ethic, intelligence, wit, charisma… the list could go on and on. But over the past few weeks it’s become evident that even geniuses like Artem lack in some ways. 

In Artem’s case, the area of lack is painfully obvious.

“So what kind of man are you into? We’ve all shared, it’s your turn now.” Celestine is sitting on the edge of your desk, a playful smirk on her lips as she sips her coffee. 

“Well… I don’t know…” Your words trail off as your eyes dart towards the pantry, where you spot the familiar back of your boss who’s trying very hard to blend into the side of the fridge at the moment. Needless to say, he’s not doing a very good job. He’s been stirring that cup of coffee for the past ten minutes now—yes, you’ve been keeping track ever since you noticed him come to the pantry for coffee despite having a coffee machine in his own office—and you’ve already spotted him glancing over in your direction at least twice when he thought you weren’t looking.

It’s been like this for the past few weeks. You didn’t really pick up on the signs at first: Artem leaving work almost always at the same time that you do, your conversations about work almost always ending with personal questions to get to know your likes and dislikes, and the unusual number of times he would walk out of his office a day to pay a visit to the pantry, only to leave empty-handed. 

But one incident became two, two became four, and it didn’t take much brainpower to figure out that he was oddly interested in matters involving you. It doesn’t matter if it’s about work or about your personal life, he seems to want to know everything, but especially about your love life and love interests. 

If the fact that he’s been not-so-subtly eavesdropping on your conversations with Kiki and Celestine in the office isn’t clear enough, then nothing will be.

You could just clear the air with him directly, although there’s that lingering fear of, “What if he isn’t actually interested?” It’s not like you can read his mind; maybe he’s just doing this shoddy spywork in an attempt to know his employees better. Something about employee welfare and morale building maybe—you wouldn’t put it past him. 

But then you think about it deeper and realise it can’t be, especially not when Celestine isn’t that subtle either with her pointed glances in your direction before staring straight at Artem with a smirk on her lips. She obviously knows what Artem is up to and is in on it somehow, which might be why lately she’s been asking you all sorts of questions relating to your love life whenever Artem happens to stroll into the pantry yet again. 

Just like that three weeks have passed, and you still haven’t gotten around to talking to Artem about it. It’s not for a lack of guts; really, it’s not. It’s just… it’s quite amusing to see Artem Wing, the youngest senior attorney in Stellis, a brilliant mind who usually has the answers to every legal problem, at a complete and utter loss. 

“The kind of guy I like… I think I’ll know when I meet him...” The answer is deliberately vague, which makes Kiki groan and Celestine click her tongue in dissatisfaction. Your attention, however, is focused on the back figure of your boss whose head is now drooping like a wilted flower. 

“...and I think I’ve found one.” 

In that instant, his head perks up, as do Kiki’s and Celestine’s. They begin to badger you for details, but your stubborn lips won’t budge. When you hear footsteps coming from the pantry, you allow your eyes to dart upwards only once, and you see Artem’s usual cool demeanour and straight face as he returns to his office. 

Your lips curl into a tiny smirk when you notice that the mug of cold coffee is still sitting on the pantry counter. 

***

She found one… 

The sentence she just said is playing over like a broken record in his head, much like when he’s mulling over a witness’ statement when preparing for a cross-examination. 

Does that mean she’s met someone who might be her type? Or is she already dating someone?

No wait, it can’t be the latter. She just told Celestine last week that she wasn’t seeing anyone because she’s “married to work”. 

A chuckle spills past his lips before he realises it—that’s the kind of thing he tells his relatives when they pester him about not having a girlfriend at his age. 

His smile quickly fades however, when he remembers the dilemma he’s in. Her answer left no room for him to guess what kind of guy she likes, let alone whether he fits into that box. And the fact that she’s found someone who’s her type… Does that mean he’s already lost the battle before he could even try? 

A knock on his office door jolts him out of his reverie, and he barely has time to clear his throat and fix his tie before Celestine enters the room. There’s only one reason she comes into his office when he doesn’t call her in, and it’s written all over her amused face. 

“I think she noticed you in the pantry this time. You stood there for way too long—even Kiki was starting to notice.” 

Artem groans, leaning back in his seat and turning away so Celestine won’t have to see him crumble internally and wallow in shame. First, she has a type, and now she’s noticed him needlessly hanging around the pantry, suspecting that he’s been eavesdropping on her conversations (which he has). She must think poorly of him now. 

“Don’t look so down, I think you still have a shot.” 

“What shot?” he asks with a sigh, fumbling with the knot of his tie to loosen it. “She’s already found someone who’s her type.”

“She never said she was dating him. She could just be, you know...” Celestine waves her hand in a gesture that Artem can’t understand, “...making a general statement of some sort. Point is, you can still try. Don’t give up.” 

“As a lawyer, shouldn’t you be advising your client to give up if there are better alternative modes of settlement?” 

His know-it-all response is not appreciated, and Celestine folds her arms across her chest, glowering at him. “Artem. She’s not a case that you need to solve. This is about love! Romance! The heart! Read a book about it, will you?” 

“I have, but nothing has worked so far. The advice in the book is at best ineffective, at worst a hoax.” He glares at the book on his desk, and Celestine follows his gaze to it before she recognises it as the book she’d given him a few weeks back. 

For the first time since coming in, her gaze turns into something more sympathetic. Artem isn’t sure he appreciates the sentiment. 

“Trust me on this, Artem. Don’t give up yet. I really think you still have a chance.”

“I do?” He perks up at that, raising a brow. “Did she say something about me?” 

“Not exactly…” Celestine grimaces when he starts sulking again. “But it’s a woman’s intuition. Trust me. I know her better than you do.” 

At his prolonged silence, she adds, “We both know my intuition is way more reliable than your gut feelings when it comes to relationship advice.”

The silence lingers on for a few more minutes, before Artem finally relents with a sigh. He doesn’t say anything however, merely fixing his tie and picking up the book from his desk to put in his drawer. 

“...You really should get back to work now.”

“Got it, boss.” Her tone is patronising as always, and she throws what’s probably meant to be an encouraging smile his way before she finally leaves him alone to his thoughts, although Artem can’t help but wonder if she’s still laughing at him internally.

In his now quiet office, his breathing is the only thing that can be heard. He picks up his pen and flips open the case file he was reading earlier before he left to visit the pantry. 

But then not even a minute passes before his office is filled with the repeated sound of a pen clicking, a dejected sigh... and then the sound of his drawer opening once more. 

[achillieus]

we’re fools. (bucky barnes x reader)

summary: for all bucky barnes knows, he hates clichés. and this thing between you two, happens to be the biggest one. 

(enemies to lovers trope or i watched the society on netflix recently and based this entirely on harry bingham and cassandra pressman)

pairing: college au!bucky x reader

warnings: alcohol, mentions of depression, angst, bucky is a cocky bitch, but bucky also needs a hug

(other parts)  (masterlist)

part 1/3:

It’s December, his sophomore year of college and Bucky’s watching you again. From afar, always from afar. He’s scared if he goes near, something will give him away and you’ll laugh at him. He doesn’t remember when his fixation started but he’s certain it’ll pass. A load of girls on campus like him. Sometimes he thinks he likes some of them back. But not you. Bucky doesn’t like you. He’s beyond you. (Actually, you’re beyond him. He would never admit that.)  He watches you and notices how your fringe has grown the last few weeks and how a few strands are falling down your eyes. You brush them away and keep writing your essay. He decides it’d be better if he started writing his too. You’re a year younger but he knows you’ll probably get a higher score than him anyway. You’re good with words, he has noticed.

-

It’s March, your freshman year and you breathe out. You’re leaving the library, arms wrapped around books about Hamlet and Shakespeare, when you see him. Lately he seems to be everywhere you are. It’s getting annoying. You promise yourself you won’t stare at him again, but you cheat a few times. He’s wearing one of his overpriced shirts and he smiles at a sophomore girl. You know Bucky Barnes. You’d known him even if you didn’t want to. Because everybody does. Because that’s who he is. Everything you dislike about the world distilled into one label-whoring, conceited, 5′11″ tall boy. And everybody seems to be smitten with him.

He comes to you first.

“It’s destiny, Y/N,” he says, a smug look on his face, “third time I bump into you today.”

You tense. This is new. Usually, you don’t talk to each other if not for arguing in Romance Literature class. It’s one of the two classes you share.

“I must be very lucky.” Bucky chuckles and it’s somewhat engaging because he hasn’t given you a smile since the first day you met him.

“Admission office is on the left, doll”.

You had thought he was nice then. And beautiful. God, he was so beautiful. Please, he’s not. He’s an arrogant smartass. And now he’s standing here and for some seconds he laughs and you can see the dimples in his cheeks. You blink.

His light eyes divert to the books you’re holding.

“Try not to have too much fun.”

He mocks and walks away.

-

It’s July, end of sophomore year and Bucky joins a summer book club. (He doesn’t tell anyone. He enjoys his facade.) Every morning he grabs an iced latte and a butter croissant and he goes to the meetings. He reads a lot. And he loves it. It helps him feel. It’s a getaway. Bucky always stands proud and tall, trying to hide how easily he can be torn.

Running one finger along the starched collar of his shirt, he reads quietly and he considers the ever-changing art of literature; words and metaphors that allow him to imagine entire worlds and fathom his own sensitivities. He almost feels vulnerable. He decides that reading together with another person is an intimate act and he’s thankful he doesn’t really have any interest in anyone in the club.

But then it’s Monday and his teenage dream walks in, hair falling gracefully your shoulders, Gone with The Wind in your left hand. And it could have been the sun gleaming through the windows, but Bucky swears his whole being flickers. In a way or another he always responds to your presence.

You sit two rows behind of him and when he involuntary turns to you, you look surprised and yet you smile.

He tries to avoid you and he’s good at it, until someone decides it’d be fun to present the next book in groups. You’re the only two without a friend there and you end up paired together.

“I don’t like this.” he says.

“Oh, I know.” you whisper.

You spend an evening in his dorm, discussing the author and the plot holes. At first, he talks a lot, trying to impress you. But then he lays on his back, listening to the summer rain outside and you reading out loud. Regardless of what you feel for each other, he thinks it’s a beautiful sound.

Next morning, he buys two butter croissants instead of one.

-

It’s October, your sophomore year and you’re not exactly friends. Or enemies. Bucky has stopped teasing you and you think it’s because of your days in the book club. Actually, it’s because he’s dating Natasha Romanoff now and he promised he’d be kinder.

You realize sooner or later and you say it’s obvious you don’t care. (Who is it obvious to?) The girl is pretty, clever and vibrant and she’s a good person. You like her. You just can’t figure out what she sees in Bucky.

-

It’s January, his junior year and he’s not doing well. He knows it’s his fault (he always loved half-heartedly) and that makes the hurting worse. It’s guilt driven. He tries to get Nat back but she’s not ready. And it’s awful because nobody warned him and he didn’t know; it’s hard to feel lovable after a break up. He desperately needs a distraction. He pushes himself past his breaking point. Carves his grades into the back of his neck. Devours facts and theorems. Almost joins the football team for extra credit. But to be honest he’s never been that much into sports. Debate team, it is.

That’s where he truly learns to despise you. Who do you think you are? The proud jaw, those smart eyes, your feet planted on the ground as if the world’s wisdom belongs to you. You’re at your best while he’s at his lowest point.

He watches you and then he watches himself.

“Your last argument was weak,” you say, raising your eyebrows, “you should concentrate more.”

Bucky bites his lip in frustration.

“You’re not the boss around here.” He says, crossing his arms in his chest, “You may think you are, but you’re not.”

(Technically she is, Bucky. She’s the captain of the team.)

“Don’t start again.” You sigh. “I just want us to win next week.”

He rolls his eyes at you. He would never admit it out loud but a part of him is enjoying this. Feuding with Y/N feels natural. It reminds him of who he is.  And he feeds on that.

He takes a step towards you.

“Of course, so you can take all the credit.”

You just stare at him. Sometimes you don’t understand what Bucky is trying to prove. That he’s better? Or that you’re worse? You hate it. How quickly he can make you lose your temper.

(How quickly he can exhilarate you.)

“If you don’t like the team,” you tilt your chin up to meet his gaze, “you’re free to leave.”

Bucky laughs. This is how you are. This is how you will always be. Both strong, you just, him lost.

“You need me to win, Y/N,” he sets his shoulders back and smirks, “I’m good at this.” He remains close to you and refuses to look away. He can see you parting your lips for a second or two.

(Did he just glance at your lips?)

“I know you are,” you breath out and Bucky is incredulous, “so start acting like it.”

(Did you just compliment him?)

-

It’s the first day of February, your sophomore year and you think you’re losing your sanity. Bucky invites everyone at his dorm to celebrate their victory at the National Debate Championship. And it’s strange because Bucky never really invites anyone he doesn’t like. If you didn’t know him, you would have bet that he’s been feeling lonely.

You don’t want to go at first. But you’re glad you do. Under the green lights he has installed and all the alcohol in his body, he looks different and it’s the first time you genuinely see him. A boy with silky black hair, blue eyes and skin that looks like it’d be cool to touch. There’s something attractive about him, in a rugged way, and you’re seeing it again after a long time.

Your allergies must have gotten in your head.

He doesn’t talk a lot that night. Not to you. Not to anyone. You deduce pretty early that Bucky just wanted company to drink. You wonder if he’s still messed up because of the break up.

Probably. Everyone on campus is talking about how Natasha was hanging out with that boy, Clint.

He tells you, you don’t have to, but you still stay to help him clean up.

“Why are you doing this, Y/N?” His voice is low.

You started taking a new antihistamine, maybe it’s the side effects.

“It’s called being nice,” you say firmly, “you should try it.”

Bucky makes a little humming sound and keeps collecting plastic cups. The room is quiet, but for the sound of trash bags and you count the seconds before you speak again.

“How are you?”

“I’m not that drunk, don’t worry.” He half-answers, half laughs but he pronounces the last word with enough irony.

“No, I meant,” you breath, “Is everything okay with you?”

“Seriously, you make no sense Y/N.” He’s careful not to look at you.

“I just wanted to say,” your voice sways for a second, you’re a novice in talking with him about anything different than books and words and that makes you weak and nervous, “You’ll be back with Natasha, I’m sure.”

Bucky’s face hardens around the edges, his eyes saying more about him than any words could. He comes close to you and it could have been the smell of alcohol but you feel like you want to throw up.

“You and I, we’re not friends.”

You don’t blink. You stare blankly at him, waiting for what follows. But he just leaves the room.

You promise you will never go to any of his parties again.

...

feedback is so appreciated and motivates me tons, thank you :)

[cabinofimagines]

Leo's ABCs

A/N: Hi I hope you’re happy to see me around -Danny

Request: Y'all I need more Leo x reader in my life! Idea: Leo knows mores code. Reader catches him tapping out cute little messages and taps back. Weird lil conversations ensue. I just really need some fire-boy fluff rn // Anything sweet with Leo qwq there's not much with him

Warnings: None that I can think of.

Words: 1,380

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Leo would be happy just watching you do your thing, or if it’s you the one who has free time, he would let you hang at the workshop and he’d ramble about his new projects– If both of you have some time to spare, you usually just watch movies and cuddle

Beauty - What do they admire of their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He loves the way you love. The way you treat your friends and family and how you express your feelings, he thinks it’s unique.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Leo is an expert at rambling, he’ll talk for hours and hours if you need a distraction, if you need a break from life he’ll take you to one of his hiding spots and will let you stay there just chilling, maybe brushing your hair gently while you breath in and put your thoughts in order.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Honestly, he still has a bit of trouble picturing a future, but not because he doesn’t want you in it! It’s just demigod life, you know? He prefers living in the present, and either way, time goes by so fast when you’re having fun…

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

I think it depends on the day. If Leo’s too distracted with a project to eat or to make plans with you, you’ll take the lead. But it’s usually a shared thing, he loves planning your outings and dates and you love making proper schedules so you can attend your duties and still have enough time to hang out together. It’s about equals <3

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Leo is the kind of person to walk away when he knows he’s wrong and that pisses you off, but he comes around eventually and apologizes properly. When it’s you the one who messed up, he really isn’t good keeping score about that stuff, his brain is always running so he usually forgets about your fights and treats you like nothing happened. You apologize anyway, even if he tells you it’s no big deal.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Leo is grateful even for the things he shouldn’t be lmaoo He just feels like having you in his life is enough to thank you every day.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Sometimes he has a hard time talking about his bad feelings on the spot, but he eventually gathers the courage to talk to you about it. You have to be patient though, sometimes he won’t mention it until it’s been a month or so.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

LEO KNOWS HIS VALUE!! HE KNOWS HE’S WORTHY OF LOVE!! AND YOU DID THAT!

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Would love to say no, but he definitely gets jelous. He’s the pouty type tho, won’t yell at you or treat the other person rudely, he just sits there and grumbles under his breath until you smoother him with kisses.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

He could NOT believe someone actually wanted to kiss him. Him??? on the lips??

Every time you guys kiss his brain goes !!!!!

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I think he either blurts it out while being sleep deprived, or it’s you the one who takes the first step. But boi does he love to flirt…

Memory- (What’s their favourite memory together?)

Probably the first time you guys ever talked for more than two minutes. It was like sparks were flying, the chemistry was just THAT good.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Probably just your name in general, bc it’s his s/o name! I also think ‘Mi vida’ bc he’s that kind of guy, also sunshine bc I strongly he just likes the word

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He’s such a lovesick fool, a stranger on the street could tell he’s in love. A very touchy fella, he needs to TOUCH to know it’s real (not in a icky way, just like, hand holding or stuff like that)

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He just found the love of his life and you expect him to be quiet about it? PLEASE

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

He’s really good at solving problems on the spot, once again his brain is always going fast af, you never have to worry about a mishap when he’s around. Also morse code, he taught you how to use it and now he’s always saying ‘I love you’ to you all day

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s so creative in the weirdest ways, and you love it. It makes the relationship extra interesting. Again, bc he’s a lovesick dork, he’s also a hopeless romantic. He would give you the moon if he could.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Mr Valdez is known in every single one of your clubs and teams bc he’s that loud dude that’s always shouting stuff about how cool you are even when you’re just standing there.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

He’s a sucker for routines. After moving around all his life he just loves to know there’s a place he can just sit and enjoy stuff, he gets his excitement whenever he starts a new project and honestly that’s good enough, he doesn’t need another life-changing quest when he’s got you. He’ll never get tired of what you guys have

Understanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Leo knows your entire schedule by heart at this point. Whenever you cry he hugs you tight against him bc he doesn’t want you to see he’s crying too. He really feels every single one of your defeats and wins as if they were his own.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

YOU. ARE. HIS. LIFE. Sometimes the thought scares you, having someone who depends on you can be draining, but Leo has never put you on a tough spot, he loves you more than he loves himself but he’s considerate with your feelings to the point that he’ll give you space if you ask for it. All he wants is your happiness.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When he’s especially happy he will snuggle his face on your hair and hug you close. You’re like his real-life teddy bear.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

YES.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Poor puppy, he tries his best to hide it when he’s with others, he laughs and continues to be the life of the party, but he usually calls you by iris message every morning so he can see your face, the reunions are always worth it.

Zeal - are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Ride or die, this bastard would die for you more than once and then come back just to die again. I hate him.

--

Taglist:   @beneaththeiceandsnow,  @bandshirts-andbooks

Leo Taglist: @diaphragmjellyfish​

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[lesetoilesfous]

"you obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you." with fenhawke or hawke/isabela please!

AH I am currently romancing fenris for the first time so, I gotta

(If you’d like me to write you a dragon age fic, send me a prompt from here!)

@dadrunkwriting

Pairing: Fenris/Garrett Hawke

Characters: Fenris, Garrett Hawke

Tags: Hawke is an idiot, Fenris survived three years on the run by himself somehow, who let Hawke near a cooking pot, Fenris is exasperated and in love and exasperated by the fact he’s in love, post All That Remains

Rating: Mature

“You obviously can’t be trusted to take care of yourself, so let me do it for you.” 

Garrett scowls, crossing his arms defensively across his chest and not moving away from the charred remains of what was meant to be a honey-roasted bronto haunch. “I can look after myself, Fenris.”

Fenris raises his eyebrow. Hawke unfolds his arms and resolutely does not look at the blackened chunk of what could no longer, even charitably, be called meat. Between them, Dog watches with interest, transparently waiting for an opportunity to salvage the haunch. Fenris steps back, and gestures for her to take it. Then he looks up at Garrett, who is in turn watching somewhat mournfully as Dog smears grease and ash across the red rug spread over his floor.

When Fenris speaks, he does so in a deliberate drawl. “Clearly.” He narrows his eyes as he looks at Hawke, noting the creases around his mouth and eyes and the thinness to his cheeks, the way his tunic hangs lighter than it usually would. His skin is pale, too, even in the bronze light of the fire. “When did you last eat?” Hawke opens his mouth, and Fenris scowls at him. “What passes for ale at The Hanged Man doesn’t count.” Hawke shuts his mouth. 

Fenris tries very hard to resist the urge to sigh. Of all the men in Thedas, why did it have to be this one?

Then he marches briskly out of the main hall and towards Garrett’s kitchen. He doesn’t wait to see if Hawke will follow. After six years, Fenris has come to learn that despite his better judgement and all sensible social norms, Garrett Hawke will follow him without question, anywhere. Fenris tries not to be overwhelmed by the enormity of that. 

“Fenris, you’re not seriously planning to cook for me.” Hawke’s voice is loud, and bounces off the empty stone walls of his family home. Not for the first time, Fenris wonders how well he is truly acclimatising to the sudden emptiness of the Amell Estate. It was clearly not built for solitude. 

Dismissing his concerns for now, Fenris throws his comment back over his shoulder as he swings open the door to the library and steps through it. “That depends, were you seriously planning not to eat?”

He crosses the library quickly - unable to resist throwing a brief, hungry glance at the shelves. (”They’re yours, you know. All of them. Take as long as you need.” Hawke’s chin had rested lightly on his head as he’d said the words, arms wrapping loosely around his belly. Fenris had wanted to call him out on his magnanimity - to point out that he could not possibly mean such a generous promise. But too much of him had been seized by the sudden, powerful hope that he meant it, and the unwillingness to risk the possibility that he didn’t. So instead he’d said nothing - only reached out, reverently, and brushed his fingers along the soft red leather spines of the Amell family library.)

“How do you know where the kitchen is, anyway?” Hawke asks, mildly, taking the door when Fenris holds it open for him, and stepping back to let Dog come bounding through, her claws skittering on the stone. 

Fenris resists the urge to sigh - choosing not to resurrect the old argument of whether Garrett should hire servants as he clears away the dusty surfaces and begins to search the pantry for something edible. Garrett would not have purchased something, but Leandra was a sensible woman. She would have bought stores to last. The connection between Leandra’s death and Garrett’s sudden inability to feed himself is one Fenris is unsure how to examine yet. But he knows he will be there for Hawke, when he is ready to discuss it. It is the best, and the least, that he can do.

Fenris’ hand tightens around the pan in his hand. 

It is, at least, not the only thing he can do.

As he prepares the meal, he looks up to see Hawke watching him, curiously, still waiting for an answer. Fenris carefully begins dicing onions. “You are aware that poisoning is a popular method of assassination.”

“Yes?” Hawke drags out his answer as he props his hip against the counter. Fenris tries not to sigh again, and resists the childish urge to laugh at his lover as he mixes the onion and garlic with olive oil in the pot and lights the stove beneath it.

“Understanding a building’s layout is fairly standard procedure when securing it from possible assassins. The kitchen -” Fenris manages to light the fire and steps back as it rises with a huff, carefully closing the clay door to the oven, “- is crucial.”

When he looks up, Hawke is frowning at him, one hand resting on Dog’s head. “Fenris...” Hawke’s voice holds a note of warning that Fenris has come to appreciate and resent in equal measure. He resists the urge to cross his arms.

“What?”

Hawke’s eyes tighten. “It’s just. All this...The security, cooking for me. You’re not...” Hawke trails off, biting the inside of his cheek, and impatience quickly wins the battle over affection in Fenris’ chest, hastened on by a strange kind of anxiety.

“Not what?”

Hawke meets his eyes then, lifting his chin. “I’m not another Danarius to you, am I?”

Fenris blinks. Then he raises his hands. “Oh no, dread magister, I live in fear of your terrible magics.” He snorts, then, and lowers his arms - feeling a stupid bubble of affection rising through his chest at the fact Hawke had thought of such a thing at all. It drives him in a sudden wave of boldness to kiss the unhappy frown on Hawke’s brow, though his lover doesn’t smile when Fenris comes down from his tiptoes, so he chooses instead to flick his nose lightly with his finger and thumb. That does elicit a small laugh from Garrett, and it’s only when it does that Fenris realises how much he’d missed it, these past weeks.

Having successfully discovered stock, water, white wine and dried peas, Fenris returns to his meal, dumping the ingredients into the pan unceremoniously and shifting it into the centre of the hot plate until the mixture begins to simmer. The smell of cooking onions and oil fills the kitchen, mixing with the light, heady scent of cooking wine and the salty, moreish taste of the stock.

Fenris stirs it a few times before turning back to his lover. “No, Hawke, you are not another Danarius. For one thing, i do not fear you.” It as true now as it had been the first time he’d come to Hawke’s bed, three years ago. It still seems like the most impossible gift.

Fenris is afraid of intimacy, certainly. He is afraid of trust. He is afraid of losing this man who holds so much of his heart to death or worse, and he knows too well the shape of the many fates worse than death the world might hold for a man like Garrett Hawke. But Fenris is not afraid of the man himself, and it is that, he has found, that has made all the difference.

Garrett, for his part, gestures to his broad chest with a look of mock affront. “Not afraid? Of me? I’ll have you know I’m the Champion of Kirkwall, serrah.” Fenris snorts, and Garrett warms to his part, shifting away from the counter whilst the risotto bubbles wetly next to Fenris. Dog begins to bark, excited, tail wagging as she does so. Hawke raises his hands into the air. “I defeated the Arishok himself in single combat. The Arishok. He’s twenty feet tall.”

Fenris smirks at him. “I hear he shoots fire out of his eyes.”

Garrett gasps. “He does! His roar is enough to make a grown man soil himself. But not I! My loins are girded with iron!” Fenris raises his eyebrows and Hawke falters, arms falling from where they’d been raised as he flushes. “Alright, that one got away from me.”

Fenris shakes his head and steps forward, running his fingers over the cool silk of Hawke’s tunic. “No, no. Tell me about your iron loins.” He grins up at his lover then, teasing, and Garrett grins back.

“You’ certainly keep me humble, love.”

Garrett bends and kisses him, then, and his beard scratches against Fenris’ chin, soft and familiar. Fenris sighs and lets him, and resists the urge to answer that he doesn’t. Garrett does that well enough himself. He always has. It’s one of the things Fenris loves about him.

Between them, Dog whines, and they break apart breathless as teenagers. Fenris feels his face flush and returns quickly to the meal, checking on it before searching the cupboard for any kind of hard cheese. 

A little later it’s ready, and Fenris spoons the mixture into a fine silver bowl for Hawke, who takes it gratefully as he leans against the counter. “Where’d you learn to cook?” Hawke pauses to eat a spoonful of risotto before groaning in a way that is positively obscene and, Fenris thinks, only a little exaggerated. “Maker, that’s good.” With sudden, honest gusto Hawke begins to wolf down the rest of the mix. Fenris stops worrying about what he’ll do with the excess.

Instead, he leans against the counter opposite Hawke, stepping back and away from the heat of the oven and poking at his own rice. “I taught myself. After I left Danarius.”

Hawke grunts, and swallows, gesturing with his spoon. “What is this? It’s so good.”

Fenris ducks his head, and tries to stifle the stupidly shy smile pulling at his lips even as heat burns its way up into the tips of his ears. “It’s...nothing. A Tevene peasant recipe.” Hawke watches him, patiently, and Fenris feels his cheeks burn, tossing the words between them like an embarassed kind of offering. “Risi e bisi.”

Fenris quickly shoves a spoonful of the rice into his mouth before he can do anything worse. The mixture is salty and sweet, rounded out by the stock and cheese. He lets it warm him, and takes a moment to appreciate the simple pleasure of having access to hot food as and when he needs it. 

Hawke, meanwhile sets down his empty bowl with a satisfied sigh. “Risi e bisi.” His Fereldan accent butchers the language. Fenris doesn’t care. “I’ll have to remember that.”

There’s a little more colour in Hawke’s cheeks now - brought up by the warmth of food, laughter and flirtation. It paints him ruddy and warm, and there’s a smile lingering around his lips as he bends to scratch Dog’s great sandy head. Fenris feels a small coil of satisfaction curl in his gut as he watches him.

He is safe. He is well. He is happy.

Fenris did that.

Carefully, Fenris sets down his own bowl and steps forward, reaching up to touch Hawke’s cheek. Garrett’s hand catches his gingerly. He always stares at him with such poorly hidden wonder, when Fenris touches him. Fenris smiles at him, and is struck for a moment by the image of a raven chick, fluffy and awkward and fragile, cradled in his hands. Hesitantly, Hawke smiles back.

Fenris gets up on tiptoes, and presses a long, slow, chaste kiss to Hawke’s lips.

“Let me take care of you.” He smiles at Garrett, and runs a thumb over his tanned, weather-beaten cheek. “That is what lovers do, isn’t it?”

[starglossie]

bokuto/ushijima - g - 4.7k - it’s the simple things

Bokuto asks, “You know Ushiwaka, right?”

“... I do.” Kiyoomi folds his arms. “Why?”

“Is he single?” Bokuto blurts out.

There’s silence for a few minutes and then all Bokuto hears is Atsumu howling, “Holy fucking shit, what?”

can be read here on ao3 and below under the cut

Bokuto likes to consider himself a simple fellow. This isn’t meant to be taken in a bad way either. Simplicity is not bad. What he takes it as, of course, is that it doesn’t take much for him to determine what he enjoys and what he can really do without.

For example, he loves volleyball. That is his blood and sweat and tears. It’s his first inhale when he wakes up and his last exhale before he sleeps. He loves Yakiniku. Beef is quite literally the best.

He loves words but spelling them is another matter. Well, he doesn’t dislike spelling. He thinks it’s rather fun to figure out what letters go where. To double check with someone—usually Akaashi because Akaashi was so brilliant that Bokuto was happy he could always turn to his best friend with questions and receive the answers he was looking for—about whether or not receive was spelled r-e-c-i-e-v-e or r-e-c-e-i-v-e.

He doesn’t get taxes. Though he figures that’s not something people usually get, they just do. He’d rather not do them, if he had it his way. Then again, being a good citizen also has its perks. Like no jail time.

And he doesn’t think he’d do too well in jail. Well, maybe at first.

To circle to the point of this! Because there’s a point. Do not think there was nothing to gain from this ramble. No, no. You see, when it comes to relationships—do not question the connection between taxes and meat and volleyball and relationships, because it’s there even if one cannot see it because Bokuto knows it’s there—Bokuto is pretty simple.

Again, simple isn’t meant to be a bad thing.

Simple in the way that Bokuto likes people for who they are and whatever it is they wish to be. Simple in the way that Bokuto doesn’t quite get romance, he can figure it out along the way as he normally does, but he knows when he wants someone. When he wants something. And whenever he’s wanted something, he’s always gone for it. Again, simple. If he wants it, why stop himself from having it? If he wanted someone, why stop himself from having them?

Of course, when things get complicated. He understands that. He realizes just because he wants something badly enough doesn’t mean it’ll always find a spot nestled in-between the love-lines of his palms. Doesn’t mean they’ll create a nest and nestle themselves within his ribcage, right by his heart, the birdhome for their fluttering rings to take rest.

But really, when things are simple. It doesn’t take much for Bokuto to find a reason to pursue someone.

/

It’s the warm up before their big game against the Adlers.

Bokuto’s been looking forward to this game all month because it’s basically one giant reunion! He gets to play with his prodigy, Shouyou. And he gets to show off his wicked spikes set from TsumTsum. And he gets to witness Omi-kun’s nasty southpaw spin.

Not only that but the Adlers have Kageyama and Hoshiumi and Ushiwaka! It’s a whole party as far as Bokuto’s concerned.

“AH YEAH!” Bokuto feels the beautiful sing of his spike ring across the volleyball court. The ball connects with a thunder clap on the other side. His arm feels good. That swing had the right power. And that set? “TsumTsum!” Bokuto flashes Atsumu with two, big thumbs up. “That was an amazing set! You gotta do that like, every time today okay?”

“Hey, you’ll like whatever set I give ya!” Atsumu’s grinning, though. Which means Bokuto delivered exactly how he was supposed to for Atsumu’s standards, and then some.

“Bokuto-san, that was soooo good!” Hinata shouts from behind. He’s stretching with Kiyoomi, who’s currently in the longest split Bokuto’s ever seen.

“Thank you, Shou! I’m gonna do that all game, so watch out!”

“Big talk,” Kiyoomi responds as he extends his body all the way to his right foot to stretch. God he’s so bendy. Like a bendy straw. Bokuto wonders if he had any bones or if he was just jelly and muscle and bendy stuff. “Our bet’s still on, Bokuto-san.”

“Hell yeah. I didn’t forget at all. I want beef! Lots of beef, Omi-kun!”

“You haven’t won yet.”

“I mean, for when I do.”

“Oi, enough chit chat.” Atsumu takes up another ball which means another set was coming. “We’re not done warming up.”

“Right right!” Bokuto gets ready for the set. He’s ready for it when a giant thunk resounds throughout the court.

Everyone’s heads turn just in time to catch no one other than Ushijima Wakatoshi receive a volleyball straight to the head. It was the most beautiful thing Bokuto’s ever been able to witness in his twenty-three years of life. Ushijima didn’t even stutter. He barely quivered. He took the ball to the head with so much grace and power.

Bokuto clutched his chest. Felt a horribly loud, wonderful ache. The way his blood would pump and his heartbeat would pulse whenever he was about to serve. Or whenever he got close enough to a dog to pet.

It was an enjoyment. It was a like.

“That was so hot…” Bokuto murmurs as he watches the Adlers coach rush over to check on Ushijima who, for all intents and purposes, seems to be okay…

Bokuto grins. Then turns his attention back to Atsumu who’s doubled over with laughter and tears in his eyes. It takes about three minutes for him to calm down but when he does, they don’t miss a beat with their sets and spikes.

The synergy of setter and spiker carries them through the game, and it’s enough to give them the win once it’s all said and done.

“You lost the bet,” Kiyoomi says in the locker room after their coach finished congratulating them on a game well played.

Bokuto wipes his face off with his towel, “Mmm. Yeah, I did.” It’s not a bad outcome. All he has to do is ask the mascot to borrow his Jackal suit for a video. And… find a bikini big enough to fit over the suit. But that’s not really important right now. Gold eyes flicker up to meet Kiyoomi, eager and full of wonder. Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow and Bokuto asks, “You know Ushiwaka, right?”

“... I do.” Kiyoomi folds his arms. “Why?”

“Is he single?” Bokuto blurts out.

There’s silence for a few minutes and then all Bokuto hears is Atsumu howling, “Holy fucking shit, what?”

-

Ushijima Wakatoshi is incredibly single.

This puts Bokuto in a stellar good mood as he makes a beeline for the Adlers locker room.

He gets a few hellos, a couple of questioning looks as he all but storms through. But that’s fine! Because he’s on a mission. A not so secret mission because now half his team knows that he’s interested in Ushiwaka and wants to take him out.

“Because he took a volleyball straight to the head?” Atsumu was on the floor, near death, from laughing so hard his spleen nearly exploded.

“No no that was really cool,” Hinata said on the bench, fists clenched in solidarity for his mentor. “I for sure thought he was gonna die!”

“He brings a new definition to the word hard headed…” Kiyoomi said though Bokuto couldn’t tell if it was said in a derogatory way or in a awe-wow-that’s-so-cool kinda way. So he decided it was both.

His teammates cheered him on to propose, well no. Proposition? Hm, no. Not the right word either. He was going to propel himself (yeah, that felt right) into the Adlers locker room and into Ushijima’s face and ask a very simple question.

“Ushiwaka!” Bokuto hollers as he finds the man in question step from around the corner. Fresh out the shower with his hair dripping wet and a towel hanging low on his hips.

Ushijima locks eyes with Bokuto and wow, he really was handsome up close. There’s even a red spot from when the volleyball had hit him on the head! Still there! God, that was so cool…

“Bokuto Koutarou,” Ushijima replies. And wow, he even made Bokuto’s name sound important and serious.

Bokuto shivers and takes a step forward. “Do you wanna go out with me?”

Kageyama, who was sitting on the bench at the end, spits out his sports drink.

Hoshiumi shoots up like a rocket, “No way! No waaaaaaaaay!”

Ushijima blinks, “Out where?”

“On a date, of course.” Bokuto’s never been shy. He’s never been fearful. Not really. There was nothing wrong with putting yourself out there. The worst thing Ushijima can say is no. Before, when he was younger, Bokuto would be utterly devastated from the rejection. Now though, if Ushijima were to say no he’d take it in stride and at least try for a friendship, if anything.

What he doesn’t expect, though it’s not a bad thing, is Ushijima’s second blink followed by, “Why?”

Bokuto shrugs, “I liked seeing you take that volleyball to the face. That was really cool and kinda hot. So I figured I’d ask ya out on a date! Cause I received a ball with my chest before and I know how that feels!”

Ushijima nods as if that makes sense (it does, because Bokuto knows Ushijima gets what he meant by that. The power and hunger to keep the ball in play no matter what had to be done to do so). He doesn’t say anything after that and for a minute Bokuto wonders if the rejection is coming now. But then Ushijima sticks out his hand in front of Bokuto and goes:

“Alright.”

And Bokuto gets utter chills as he grabs his hands and shakes it for all its worth.

“It’s a date! I’ll text ya the details—wait, I need your phone number. Then I’ll text you the details.”

“I have to tell Sachiro about this…” Hoshiumi makes a beeline for his phone.

Kageyama has some gatorade on the side of his mouth as he says, “Is… is nearly getting a concussion attractive?”

Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to, Kageyama.

/

Thanks to Akaashi, Bokuto’s dressed decently for his date.

“No, those colors don’t match.”

“But this is my favorite shirt and pants!”

“Okay but they can be worn separately, not together. Wear that green shirt. The one you bought for Konoha’s party.”

“Oh yeah! The green shirt! That one with these black pants?”

“That works.”

“Kaashi you’re the best!”

So now, he’s standing at the planned meeting spot for Ushijima to arrive. He’s about fifteen minutes early but that’s okay because then he got the joy of seeing Ushijima from the crowd, spotting him, and getting to wave him over and everything. Bokuto hums to himself as he waits. Excitement barely being able to describe the giddiness through his system. It’s equal parts nerves but not bad nerves. And equal parts serotonin from the spontaneity of it all.

After they exchanged numbers two weeks ago they texted everyday. Ushijima is a really good texter! Bokuto likes how thoughtful Ushijima is with responses. Bokuto knows he has a lot to say and he can take over a conversation pretty easily, sometimes without even realizing it. But Ushijima doesn’t make him feel bad for taking up space. For talking and talking, even when a million things hit his brain at once. Ushijima notices all the million of things and responds to them in earnest.

It’s nice. It’s a warm feeling. A fuzzy sun in the solar plexus of Bokuto’s chest that stretches out it’s lazy sun rays all across Bokuto’s body.

When he spots Ushijima in the crowd, he doesn’t hold back his yell.

“USHIWAKA! HERE!”

Ushijima looks left and right before his gaze lands on Bokuto and Bokuto feels a zap.

The crowd looks as Ushijima strides over to him. Not wearing a cap or anything. A few people notice him and ask him to take a picture or try to say hi. He stops. Freezes. Makes eye contact with Bokuto and Bokuto makes a move.

“Hey everyone! Yes, it’s Ushijima but it’s also me, Bokuto! We’re about to hang out and we have lunch reservations. Can we quickly take pictures and maybe another time we can chat and talk?” He smiles, the one smile Akaashi said could charm a mass murderer to put down their weapon. Which was kind of a cool superpower now that Bokuto thought about it but he would rather take a mass murderer out with his fists than his smile…

That appeases the crowd. They take a few pictures. Sign a kid’s volleyball (which Ushijima was happy to do, Bokuto peeps from the side as Ushijima goes “You like volleyball?” and the kid responds, “Yeah! Watching you made me love it!” and it’s the tiniest smile Bokuto’s seen but gosh the warmth it creates in his chest. Atsumu would say he’s ‘down bad’ and perhaps he is! But it’s not so bad to be so… down? He’ll work that out later) and then, after both of them got lost on the way to their destination, finally reached their destination.

“So this cafe is cool cause it’s run by one of my buddies I met once when I was on a run.” Bokuto explains ripping apart his chopsticks so he can dig into his bowl of ramen. “Right ok so I was running and I was super hungry because I forgot to eat before my run and this guy goes ‘Oh you’re hungry? You like ramen?’ And I said ‘Literally ramen is one of my fifty favorite bowls of things to eat that comes in a bowl’ and he goes ‘Well you’re in for a good bowl then’ and bam,” Bokuto takes a long slurp of thick, soaked noodles. They’re just as warm and delicious and soothing as they were the first time he tried this place’s ramen, “I’m here like almost once a week now.”

Ushijima takes his chopsticks apart slowly. He is much more, hm, not delicate? More… controlled? Yeah! Controlled! With his movements. While Bokuto is all in, engines raring, full steam ahead with devouring, Ushijima takes his time. He savors his noodles. And Bokuto leans forward, eyes wide, blinking owlishly as he waits for his reaction.

Ushijima swallows his noodles and stares back at Bokuto for several seconds.

“Is it good?” Bokuto asks because he hates silences.

Ushijima nods, “It’s good.”

Bokuto fist pumps the air, “Yes! Ah, I’m so glad you like it! Cause if you didn’t, I’d be sad.”

“Why would you be sad?”

“Cause, ya know,” he takes another round of noodles and slurps it for good measure. “When you’re showing the person you like something you like, you want them to like it too. Or you hope that they like it. So they can experience the same joy you feel about that thing. And then it’s kinda like we’re connected now. Like this noodle connects us,” Bokuto holds up a lone noodle in between his chopsticks and then slooooooooops it into his mouth.

Ushijima looks like he’s taking apart all of Bokuto’s words. Carefully considering their meaning, their methods, and their madness. Finally, he goes. “You like me.”

It’s not a question.

Bokuto grins, “I do!”

“We’ve barely spoken.”

“Yeah that’s what Omi-kun said too when I asked if you were single.” He catches the way Ushijima’s eyes rise slightly at that. And he keeps going because Bokuto Koutarou has never had anything to lose before, and he certainly wouldn’t have it today. “But I mean, like I said. You received that ball with your forehead Ushiwaka.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“I know!” Bokuto laughs and he says, “Wait. Sorry. I’m not laughing at you.”

Ushijima’s eyebrows grow this adorable wrinkle between them. “You didn’t have to clarify.”

“I know but like, I also just wanted to let you know my laugh isn’t making fun of you because I feel like giving the situation, it may come off that way! So I wanted to make sure you knew. Because I would like that.” Now he’s rambling, and he knows that. But he hopes Ushijima understands what he’s trying to say. It’s such a small thing, but Bokuto’s known the cruelty of seemingly innocent gestures that were more devilish than angelic.

After a while, Ushijima’s crinkle goes away. He nods, slowly, and he says. “I appreciate the consideration.”

Bokuto’s lips pull into a smile, bright and a little crooked.

“So yes, I like you.” Bokuto continues. “Even though we’ve barely spoken. And even though it all came from me seeing you receive that ball to your head. But I also decided we should go on a date, cause I’m interested in you. And I wanna get to know ya more.”

“I’m not interesting.”

“That’s not true!” Bokuto leans forward. “You were the number one ace in Miyagi Prefecture and ranked among the country's top three aces! That’s so epic!” Bokuto leans forward, folding his arms across his chest. “I used to be up there too with ya’ll but I was really inconsistent so I couldn’t stay there permanently.”

Ushijima nods, “I remember watching a few of your games. Your emotions get the better of you.”

“That they did! Or well, they still do.” Ushijima’s bluntness does not add salt to wounds. Rather, it’s refreshing. Bokuto enjoys the bluntness. Because it’s not wrong. Bokuto’s emotions had gotten the better of him when he was younger. He was better at managing them now. At learning how to let himself feel but not get overwhelmed. What was the word for it… coping! “But not so much anymore. Cause I realized I’m just an ace, ya know?”

“Just an ace,” Ushijima repeats. Bokuto waits to see if he’ll get that too. If he’ll understand what Bokuto means because not many people can understand it. “You’ll deliver no matter what.” It's a sweet sigh of relief, the feeling of a cold shower after a hot day, and Bokuto nods vigorously.

“Yeah! Yeah! Exactly!”

They eat some more and Bokuto asks about California a bit more. Ushijima mentions how California was surprising. He ran into Iwaizumi Hajime and he got to meet with his father. How California was a weird place, but not in a bad way.

“Did you get to play volleyball a lot?”

“Yes.”

“That’s awesome. I’ve always wanted to go to the states. Would you go back?”

“I would.”

“Oh, maybe we could go together! Ah, wait.” Bokuto raises a hand. “That’s forward. I’m sorry. This is literally just our first date.”

“We can go.”

Bokuto’s jaw drops, “What? Really? Wait,” Bokuto feels like he needs to connect some dots. “Ushiwaka, can I ask a question?”

Ushijima frowns, “You never stopped to ask a question before. Why ask now?”

“Cause I just wanna clarify! You know, when I say I like ya—it’s cause I wanna like, date ya. Or see if you’d be down for dating. Or like, you know. Potentially being boyfriends?”

“I see.”

“Oh thank God. Wait, you see what?”

“I was under the impression you wanted to hang out.”

“I mean, yes! But also, not just hang out. Like, we would be hanging out but maybe sometimes hold hands?”

“How are you sure that after this you would want to hang out with me more? Or at all. I’m not…” Ushijima pauses, as if to consider what to say next, “like you.”

“Duh,” Bokuto says. “I don’t want you to be. The dates are so we can get to know each other. Cause we don’t. And that’s why I ask ya a bunch of questions! Cause I’m interested in ya. I can also be more blunt if you’d like.”

“Blunt would be good.”

“Okay well I think you’re incredibly handsome. Like, when I saw you today my heart raced cause you looked really good. The red varsity jacket over the green v-neck?” Bokuto nods towards Ushijima’s outfit and grins, “it’s a really good look. You’re really cute.”

Bokuto waits for Ushijima’s reaction. To see if he’s said too much or just enough. He watches as Ushijima’s cheeks color red and his ears catch on fire. He coughs, and covers his mouth with his hand. Eyes darting to the side, before coming back to meet Bokuto. He coughs again. He lowers his hand.

“Thank you,” he says. “I’m not sure how else to respond.” Another moment, “You’re bluntness is. Yes.”

“Thanks,” Bokuto feels incredibly pleased with himself. He happily finishes his bowl of ramen and then asks for the drink menu so they can figure out what they'd want. “Do you drink?” He asks as the waiter comes by with their menus.

“Occasionally.”

“Awesome. Show me what you like to drink! We can order that.”

“I’m not really particular.”

“That’s okay. You can choose whichever one speaks to you. I’ll enjoy anything you get us.”

Ushijima fixes Bokuto with a look, “Bokuto Koutarou.”

“That’s me.”

“You’re very strange.”

Bokuto’s smile ticks at the ends, “So I’ve been told.”

“I’m sorry. That’s. Not in a bad way. In a good way. Like your bluntness.”

“Thank you,” and the solar flare in his chest grows a little warmer as the waiter comes back and they put in their drink orders.

It’s a good night after that.

/

“You really went on a date with him?”

Bokuto finishes his last rep with an exhale. Sweat’s on his brow as he stares at Kiyoomi in front of him. They’re at the gym on their day off. Conditioning and working out so they could be ready for practice tomorrow.

Bokuto gets up so Kiyoomi can take his spot and says, “Yup. I know you’re dying to hear the details.”

“I’d rather be dead than hear the details.”

“Oh Omi-kun! That was a good way with my words!” Bokuto claps and Kiyoomi rolls his eyes so far back into his skull Bokuto’s afraid they’ll get stuck there. “I mean, I don’t have to share if you don’t wanna hear but…” Bokuto sighs, pretending to be forlorn. Looking off towards the distance as if he’s waiting for his lover to come back home. “I haven’t gotten the chance to tell Kaashi about it cause he’s been busy with work and I really would like to talk about it…”

Kiyoomi looks like he’d rather eat a rotten onigiri ball than hear about Bokuto’s love life but then, because underneath all his grouch Kiyoomi’s a really nice dude (or well, maybe nice is too strong a word… let’s say he’s capable of human decency on a good day) Kiyoomi goes, “You have until I finish my reps to talk about it.”

Bokuto takes the bone like a dog, “Okay so the date was great!” He starts and then he goes on about how Ushijima is really cool and thoughtful and their conversation was never boring or had an awkward tilt and that he feels like they had a really good first date.

“Do you wanna know if we kissed?” Bokuto waggles his eyebrow.

Kiyoomi grunts as he goes through a rep, “No.”

“Well that’s good ‘cause we didn’t! But,” Bokuto looks at the palm of his right hand as if it’s a rare jewel. “We did hold hands. I’m a shy guy you know, Omi-kun. I can’t just kiss on the first date… and I don’t think Ushiwaka woulda been comfy with that either!”

Kiyoomi grunts again, “Such a gentleman you are.”

Bokuto chuckles, “I know. I’m great. Anyways!” He knows he’s got only about less than a minute to finish his story before Kiyoomi tunes him out. “We’re going on a second date next week. The Adlers have a few away games and that’s gonna make him busy but we’re gonna text and call and stuff while he’s away! And then do a virtual movie night which is fun cause we both have the same taste in movies!”

“What a surprise.”

“I know! That’s what I said!”

Kiyoomi finishes his set and that signals Bokuto about his time running out. Which was fine and good because he said all he wanted to say. Kiyoomi pants, catching his breath and running a hand through his hair. He fixes Bokuto with a look that Bokuto assumes is to figure out whether or not he’ll say something grouchy or something moderately decent.

“You know. I didn’t think you two would get on so well. I’m glad it seems to be working better than anticipated.”

“... Omi-kun,” Bokuto sniffles, feeling tears in his eyes. Kiyoomi twists his face up in disgust and bolts upright from the machine.

“No. No tears.” He starts power walking through the gym and Bokuto is right on his heels with happy tears down his face and his arms out wide.

“Omi-kun, you’re the best!! Omi-kun!”

“GO AWAY BOKUTO-SAN!”

/

“... And then I told Kaashi he should ask out Osamu because I’ve seen Osamu checking out Kaashi when he thinks it’s not noticeable but jokes on him, I totally see it.”

“You have a good eye.”

“I do! And then Kaashi was like super worried. And when he worries he likes to overthink the craziest scenarios like: ‘What if I ask out Miya-san and a meteorite falls onto the shop’?”

“I don’t think meteorites eat rice balls.”

Bokuto throws his head back with laughter, rolling onto his back on the bed with his phone held high above so he could see Ushijima. He laughs so hard he’s sure his neighbors can hear. But he doesn’t care. Because Ushijima was so fucking funny.

He wipes the tears from his eyes, staring at Ushijima’s confused look at the screen. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at ya. I was laughing because you’re right, meteorites wouldn’t like rice balls a bit I think.”

“So he has nothing to worry about,” is Ushijima’s sound conclusion.

“Exactly! I’ll let Kaashi know you think so too and tell him to go for it.” Bokuto turns onto his side, so he can hold the phone a little closer. So he can feel like he’s tucked into bed with Ushijima by his side. “Hey, Ushiwaka,” he says with a yawn.

“Are you getting tired?” Ushijima asks, concern laced at the ends of his words. “It’s late. We can call again tomorrow.”

“Nuh uh. Not yet,” Bokuto shakes his head. “Just wanted to say it’s nice talking to you and stuff… getting to know ya… and stuff. Are you also enjoying this? What we’re doing?”

“Does it look like I’m not?” Ushijima’s brows wrinkle in the way Bokuto was learning meant Ushijima was worried something he said or did had come across negatively. He’s quick to reassure, because he gets that fear. He understands that worry. And he hates having to deal with it himself. He’d never want anyone else to have to feel that way because of him, especially Ushijima.

“No no, not at all. I just wanted to know how you were feeling as all! And I wanna hear if you’re liking this too.” For purely selfish reasons. Because while Bokuto is a simple creature, he also craves the satisfaction of reciprocation. Of knowing this is worth it, and that he is not alone in this feeling of a crater being scraped in his heart that’s shaped like Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Ushijima’s crinkle disappears. There’s some shuffling and Bokuto smiles as he sees Ushijima is also laying on his side, facing Bokuto. It feels like they’re both in the same bed, facing one another. So close their knees touch. So close their breaths could intermingle. Close enough to feel right.

“Yes,” comes Ushijima’s quiet confessions. “I’m enjoying this as well. Thank you for asking.”

“Thank you for answering, Ushiwaka,” and the solar flare grows. It’s such a simple answer. It’s such a simple response. But Bokuto’s a simple man. Pleased by the simplicity of Ushijima’s earnestness and the sincerity of his words. He yawns again, “Alright. I think with that, I can sleep soundly tonight! We’ll talk tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yes,” Ushijima says, and then he goes, “I’m looking forward to it.”

Bokuto’s near tears, “Yes! Same! Same!” He squeezes his phone so tight it might burst. If his heart doesn’t do so first. “Okay. Okay that was so cute. You are so cute. Good night, Ushiwaka! Talk to you tomorrow!”

“Goodnight, Bokuto Koutarou.”

The call ends and Bokuto’s in darkness. He brings his phone to his lips and he feels the heat on his cheeks. The rush under his skin.

He’s a simple man. But that’s not such a bad thing—not at all.

[himbowelsh]

For the affection asks could you do andy haldane? I love him so much and miss him :’)

valentines day alphabet  ( accepting! )

A   :   AFFECTION.   how does your muse show affection?

Very conscientious about it. Not everyone welcomes the same sort of affection, so Andy’s learned to adapt; if someone doesn’t do well with eye contact or physical touch, he’ll find another way. Andy’s sense of discipline means he isn’t that outwardly-demonstrative anyways, not too liberal with his touches. He always tries to give the other person what they need in the moment...  but Andy at his most natural enjoys just spending time with his loved ones. They don’t have to talk, they don’t have to be near each other...  he just loves their company. Leaning against someone slightly as they’re busy reading a book, or bobbing his head to their humming...  Andy lives for quiet moments of intimacy.

B   :   BOUQUET.   does your muse like flowers? which ones are their favourite?

Kind of a dunce when it comes to flowers of any kind, but he tries his best. If someone wants a bouquet, he’ll get a fantastic gosh darn bouquet, but don’t expect him to have picked it out himself.

C   :   CHOCOLATE.   does your muse like chocolate? which one is their favourite?

Has a severe weakness. Honestly, it’s probably better if his partner doesn’t like it too much, because Andy will hoard it. Give the poor boy some chocolate and make his day.

D   :   DATE.   what is your muse’s ideal date? where / who with / etc?

Definitely doesn’t require anything elaborate. Dinner and a movie would be great with him...  or maybe going to a concert? As someone who loves music, it would be a fun atmosphere for him, and  ---  depending on what sort of music they’re listening to   ---  he’s be able to learn more about his partner that way. Afterwards, he’d go out of his way to do something sweet, like taking his partner out for ice cream, giving them a chance to talk.

E   :   EMBRACE.   does your muse like hugs? what are their hugs like?

Don’t tell anyone, but he’s a cuddler. He loves to hug almost as much as he likes to be held. Just being close to his partner is good enough for him, but having their arms around each other? Actual heaven. Even outside of a romantic relationship, Andy gives...  very steady hugs. Warm, reassuring, dad hugs that wrap around you completely, taking you out of the present moment and to someplace calmer.

F   :   FLIRT.   is your muse good at flirting? how do they flirt?

He... doesn’t, really. It’s not his forte. He actually gets awkward if he tries, nervous and tongue-tied, not at all like his usual self. Andy’s learned to keep his cool, not trying to flirt at all. Being natural seems to win more affection than his clumsy attempts at flirting ever could. (Plus, he’s just that darn charismatic, he doesn’t have to try.) 

G   :   GIFT.   is your muse good at gift - giving or do they struggle to get it right?

His gifts are always so...  thoughtful? So meaningful? Like, he takes gift-giving very seriously, and would go to multiple stores just to get the right thing for a specific person, who gave him the right  ----

H   :   HEART.   is your muse quick or slow to give their heart away?

He...  restrains himself. Common sense is important, as is not rushing into things too quickly...  but when it comes to relationships, Andy doesn’t always look before he leaps. When he cares about someone, it’s just so easy....

I    :   I LOVE YOU.   does your muse find ‘i love you’ easy or hard to say?

He’d think it first, absolutely   ---   but wouldn’t say it until his partner did, just in case they weren’t on the same page. Andy does not want to make his partner uncomfortable  (and honestly doesn’t want to get his heart broken)  so he’d keep all the ‘love you’s inside until it’s finally safe to say them. After that, he’ll get a certain delight out of saying it, just to make his partner smile. He loves those three little words.

J   :   JEALOUSY.   does your muse get jealous in a relationship?

You wouldn’t think so, would you? Not even-keeled Andy Haldane, who never loses his temper, never raises his voice...  but when it comes to his partner, Andy can be possessive. He doesn’t like seeing other people flirting with them, pressing up against them, and he’ll make that displeasure known. While he won’t get angry, he will insert himself right next to his partner, wrapping an arm around their shoulders or waist to pull them into him. Sometimes he’ll casually peck their cheek, then glance over at the offender  ---  what were you doing here? Should he really, really be driven to the edge, he might even pull them into a kiss out of the blue, deep and determined.

K   :   KISS.   is your muse a good kisser? why / why not?

Andy is a gentleman until convinced otherwise. The last thing he’d ever want to do is put his partner in an uncomfortable situation, so he’s very conscientious  ---  a hand respectfully on their waist, a gentle press of lips-to-lips. The best way to describe Andy’s kisses would be tender. He’s very heartfelt about them, and never kisses like he doesn’t mean it. If his partner is more insistent, though, Andy gets into it very quickly. He particularly loves when their hands begin to wander, tearing open his neatly-buttoned shirt and messing up his hair, undoing him completely. When they bite his lip, he tends to moan; his grip becomes possessive, determined, and he consents to parting only to gasp a much-needed breath against their lips, before going back in again.

L   :   LOVE.   who does your muse love?

Anyone who comes under his responsibility automatically has a place in Andy’s heart; if he can do something for them, he will. He’s the “brotherhood of man” type who finds a place in his heart for even casual friends  ---  and, given he has a lot of friends, Andy’s got to have a massive heart. His family comes before anyone else, though, especially his mom and sister. Then there’s Eddie, who he’d take a bullet for without hesitation (ha ha). Then his boys? His squad? His kiddos? He loves them, even if he can’t protect them.

M   :   MOONLIGHT.   is morning or night a more romantic setting?

He’s partial to nighttime, just because  ---  outdoors at night, with the moon bright and stars overhead, feels like the most romantic setting in the world to him. He always feels a bit more romantic at night.

N   :   NAUGHTY.   what is your muse like in bed?

The bedroom is the one place Andrew Haldane loses his perfect self-composure. He’s startlingly sensitive, which surprises most partners; his chest, his scalp, his thighs, all go wild when being touched by someone else. It’s really easy to get a reaction from him; he’s an expressive lover, quite vocal. He’s more adventurous than one might think, getting a thrill out of unconventional locations. He loves his partner’s hair, just touching it and being able to run his fingers through it. Eager to guide his partner into doing what feels good, he “helps” during sex  ---  but if it gets too annoying, his partner can find a thousand ways to silence him.  And, in true Ack-Ack fashion, he’s very sensitive to the needs of his partner; he always needs to know where they stand, how they’re feeling, what they like and what they don’t. Sometimes he’ll “status report” in the middle of the act, murmuring “how are you doing, darling?”...  just to make sure they’re alright.

O   :   ODE.   does your muse have a way with words?

Andy is very careful with his words; he thinks things over before speaking, and doesn’t want to say anything he doesn’t mean. He’s very conscious that once spoken, things can’t be taken back. Definitely not the sort to lash out in anger ever, and goes out of his way to be diplomatic. That said, he’s great at expressing himself verbally, and connecting with people on an emotional level. While not much of a writer, he’s a very heartfelt speaker, and passion bleeds through his words.

P   :   PARTNER.   what does your muse look for in a partner? looks / personality?

Andy wants someone who can stand on their own two feet. Someone resilient, strong, but gentle at the same time; someone who feels things, and is thoughtful in how they process them. If they love music and sports, that’s amazing, but they don’t have to share interests   ---  Andy just wants someone who’s easy to be around, probably someone focused on their own career or future goals. He needs a grounded person with a big heart, who doesn’t rush into things, and is laid back enough to relax him. When it comes to looks...  he’s always loved curly hair, for no particular reason.

Q   :   QUESTION.   would your muse ask the big question or expect their partner to?

He’d absolutely ask, as soon as he felt the time was right. This is something important to him   ----   being able to take that step forward into the future, extending his hand so he and his partner can walk forward together. He’d wait until an anniversary of their relationship (because he’s sentimental like that), and at the end of a great date, get down on one knee with a box in his hand. Andy’s subtle, so chances are his partner didn’t see it coming, but in the moment he is intensely, absolutely sincere.

R   :   ROMANCE.   is your muse a romantic or a cynic?

Oh, he’s got an incredible romantic side, and is bad at hiding it. During romantic moments, like when the stars are particularly bright overhead or he hears a favorite love song, Andy’s always hit with that good old yearning. To have someone to hold, someone to caress...  god forbid the day he actually has someone to dote on! Andy will go all out   ----   breakfast in bed, bringing them flowers because they “reminded him of them”, setting baths for them, taking them to all their favorite places... surprising them with a puppy. He just wants to be in love, and to enjoy every second of it.

S   :   SWEETHEART.   did your muse have a childhood sweetheart?

Oh, absolutely. He had an on-again, off-again girlfriend through three years of middle school. Sadie Brown was sweet, with bright eyes and a book in her hand always. They danced around each other at school every day; when hanging out in groups, they naturally gravitated towards each other, and occasionally snuck away to sit in quite places while holding hands, just talking. Andy walked her home so often he memorized the route. However, neither of them were willing to put a name to their relationship, and it...  fizzled out after a while, as young love tends to do. He still holds fond memories.

T   :   TRUE LOVE.   does your muse believe in true love?

He...  does, though part of him feels like he shouldn’t. He believes love can be true, but fate and destiny pass a bit over his head; he doesn’t know about that, but he is sure that sometimes people are meant to be together. Some love runs so deeply that nothing can sway it, and that’s the purest kind of love  ---  the kind he wants.

U   :   UNREQUITED.   has your muse had their heart broken?

He doesn’t like talking about it...  but yes, and took it hard. Once he confessed his love for someone  ---  really laid it all on the line   ---  and they turned him down. Gently, and Andy bore it with grace, but it really was a blow to his heart. Since then, he’s become...  a little frightened of being rejected by someone he loves.

V   :   VALENTINE.   how does your muse feel about valentine’s day?

It was always an excuse to get his mom something nice every year, so he’s been celebrating it long before he ever gets a partner. A day to make the person he loves feel special? Hey, he’ll take it.

W  :   WEDDING.   would your muse get married? why / why not?

Absolutely! Again, this is something important to him  ---  not just because his parents are very eager to see him finally settled down. Andy has a strong desire for something traditional, especially after the turmoil of the war. He wants stability; he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone, secure in the knowledge that he won’t lose them in the blink of an eye. The idea of waking up every morning next to the person he loves? Priceless.

X   :   XOXO.   does your muse use / like pet names?

He can definitely roll with them, but...  when it comes to his partner, he would want to have something used exclusively between the two of them. Like a secret they share, something meaningful  ---  and if he heard anyone else use it, he certainly wouldn’t be thrilled.

Y   :   YOURS.   does your muse get protective easily?

Definitely. Andy’s protectiveness is on a completely different page from his jealousy. He’s serious, and means it. No one lays a hand on any of the people he cares about, especially his partner. He’ll intervene physically, not wasting a second; if his sheer presence and glare isn’t enough to ward someone off, he’s prepared to fight. When the people he loves need him, Andrew Haldane does not mess around.

Z   :   ZZZ.   how many people has your muse slept with?

He’s not...  actively looking, usually, but things sometimes happen. People happen. People who are attracted to him. Again, he doesn’t really flirt, so it’s not like he’s throwing himself out there...  but if there’s a mutual attraction, and it’s not morally wrong to do so, he’s game for a roll in the sheets. Say...  5-6 partners?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's get those Multiples Of Four for the lihn asks

Thank Yoy here i gooo

4) Favorite exchange(s)?

i like the conversation when sheila stays behind with susannah while the latter gets changed into the uniform skirt or whichever costume piece lol and susannah is clearly like trying to Fit In as she would with the girls as a whole group re: just sheila but that's not really what sheila herself is about so it's not going anywhere at first. it was very funny when judith just smacks susannah's lunch tray straight down onto the floor rip. and of course i love kitty Addressing susannah leading into masochist

8) Favorite costume(s)?

hmm not great at noticing these details (especially the first time around and in non-hq footage lol) but i Did notice (and appreciate) how all the characters were costumed quite differently in a very Personal Style sort of way, v helpful to characterize them each and help distinguish them earlier on. i did like susannah's costumes a lot with the yellow / purple and patterns and vests and carefully styled hair and her post-timeskip look was fantastic as well

12) Favorite background moment(s)?

again i was pretty focused on the foreground stuff really lol and i don't really remember anything where i was noticing something happening only in the background. but a more Literal background moment, i too really enjoyed the silhouettes of the girls striking poses being projected onto the bg behind susannah at the beginning of the show, very effective and Dramatic

16) Underrated moment(s) in the show? 

i don't think i have a real answer re: what's Underrated mostly b/c i've already seen so much good analysis & appreciation from people about pretty much everything........so a vaguely tangential answer is about wishing it was just a Little more evident that Kitty And Dorothy Have Their Own Thing Going On, which like, yeah maybe it's easier to tell in person watching the show, but......and i Do like that kitty's connection to susannah is so clearly more general than their Relationships (or potential ones / wanting one) b/c of course susannah's dilemma around goes beyond Just the particular forbidden romance with this particular person

i also found judith's character like, nonzero engaging, which is just like i hadn't heard much about her  prior i don't think. not as though she's at all Likeable in the sense of like if you were in the show you would not like this character who is both a bully and a narc but it's still like, good for her eventually realizing the error of her ways even if it'd've been good to realize it Before miss asp made it clear she was only ever intending to use judith, and like, maybe if your snitching on a girl had indirectly led to her death you'd stop narcing on everyone instead of just setting up the same situation again. but at least she comes around and threatens francis and even her awfulness can be funnier than the awfulness of other characters who are being awful

20) Headcanon(s) for what happens before the show?

oof that's tricky since so much stuff in the show is unveiling ppl's Backstory / what's happened prior.....idk i was gonna say i wonder how kitty got makeup kits into nation but maybe they're allowed / it's allowed for her b/c her parents are paying so much. not very exciting

24) The Other One or Oh Well?

did have to confirm which one The Other One is but i guess that one lmfao i just have a great time with sheila going off on those verses and it's fun how it's this playful song about them bonding over being rejected.....the "and i guess i don't know how to feel about it" delivery is v funny. much respect and appreciation for Oh Well though of course

28) Something you like/have noticed about the show that you haven’t seen anyone else mention yet?

i'm not sure there Was much that i noticed that i hadn't heard about prior......tbh i think there were just a few Plot Points i hadn't already heard discussed but they weren't exactly Fun ones so i was like hm yeah i can see why ppl wouldn't necessarily specifically address this for kicks

32) If only one could happen, would you prefer a cast recording or an Off-Broadway run?

i agree w/ p much everyone, gotta love the increased availability of a cast recording.....will be around for more than a few weeks, will cost less to obtain the experience, and around here Who Knows what cast recordings will spark. love how plausible it is that lihn Will get a cast recording, here's hoping

36) Favorite song(s) off the Hits of Nation/character playlists?

seeing as i forgot these playlists exist, f, and i have never heard music i just checked for which songs i know i know off the top of my head lol. s/o to each of the girls having iko iko by the dixie cups on their playlists, guess that's some required listening

[susannah: l.e.s. artistes by santigold], [rat: one way or another by blondie, i got a rocket in my pocket by jimmie lloyd (which i've only partially heard b/c it plays in the bg of a The Iron Giant scene lmao so this only counts like 1/3 of the way)] [kitty: diamonds are a girl's best friend by marilyn monroe, la vie en rose by edith piaf, anthems for a seventeen year old girl by broken social scene] [ya-ya: sugar sugar by the archies] [miss asp: i THINK i've heard "straighten up and fly right" and "if i knew you were comin i'd've baked a cake" but i don't especially wanna look them up and confirm lmao. know "i'm proud to be an american" and "god bless the usa" lol ew. "comfortably numb" by pink floyd and "whatever will be will be" by doris day et al and "my heart will go on" by celine dion] [first of all interesting that francis and buzz share a playlist but i guess really all of the roles by The Guy are pretty functionally similar lol. accentuate the positive by perry cuomo, blowin in the wind by bob dylan, i Think i've heard hang on to your ego by the beach boys but i think i forget how it goes]

40) What does LIHN mean to you? 

hmm well classic iconis content around here with the shows celebrating misfit weirdos and him always trying to write a show about people who usually wouldn't get a show written about them and creating this material for an all-girl show with only one token The Guy and the Lead specifically being a black girl and there being a specifically trans role as well.....love how much people have been enjoying it even as it took me ages to get around to Consuming it myself, and it's been v cool for it to be so like, here's Totally New Material. even prior to me having actually seen it, it was also definitely nice to have This in the wake of august to interrupt the [lying facedown], and again it was fun to even secondhand have ppl having a great time w/ the show and getting to appreciate the Content and Analysis happening hell yea

44) Favorite non show/cabaret performance of a song?

oop i might've only seen the non-show video for "oh well" so guess it wins! fine by me

48) Favorite time Francis was wrong?

it's pretty classic / all-encompassing when he very strongly implies that susannah has no choice but to marry him / no Hope for her Future otherwise

[deviant3lover]

Personal Headcanons for the Trio

On a rare spark of inspiration, I’ve decided to compile my list of headcanons for the Trio for you all to look at if you’re interested. :) 

I tried my best to make them rooted in canon so that they may be plausible while still allowing me to indulge. ;)

Putting this under Read More because boy, it is long.

Metal Bat/Badd

- From my asks to @atinychai​, Badd likes traditionally masculine things because it makes him feel empowered and keeps most people away. He shows almost all the traits: being into sports, working out, being fierce and intimidating… all except for being attracted to women. (Came as a real shock to him too: his team often found girls cute but Badd couldn’t help but notice that some guys were pretty hot and nobody pointed it out. Doubly so because he loves the thought of being married one day and none of the ladies appealed to him.)

- Very straightforward thinker, but unlike Genos, he isn’t completely tactless or over the top with it. His thought process focuses on what needs to be done, what is needed to do it, and to do it ASAP. Considerations are taken into account, such as what would happen if he doesn’t do it right or in a certain way. This is especially good for him since he’s a busy guy even by S-Class standards, but it does leave him vulnerable to not thinking through long term plans that well.

- The most empathetic and physically affectionate of the three. He keeps his tough look on him in public and in private, but he’s one of the first people to offer to hug it out if you’re breaking down. 

(Obviously where no one can see it: that’s embarrassing on you and would attract too much unwanted attention to him, so he makes sure there’s no one watching. If there is, he’ll clap you on the shoulder, look you in the eye, and offer some advice and encouragement.) 

Young boys and teenagers look up to him, and they usually feel better about crying into his shirt when Badd tells them how hard it was to stop himself from bursting into tears at his first loss in a match, or when he was trying to keep quiet for Zenko’s sake at her recital.

- Continuing on that note, he keeps a nice relationship with some of his sporty fans. Not anything too intensive, but he’ll keep track of the boys who come to him asking him what he was like on his baseball team, what to do if there’s infighting in their group, which ones are worried about their baseball matches and he gives them a proud congrats if they win, or a consolation + inspiration to do better next time if they lost.

- When he’s not blinded by anger, Badd’s surprisingly pretty adept at being a social expert. His experiences of being on the baseball team + hanging out with problem students like him has given Badd a pretty good perspective on both the popular kids and the hated, loner kids, as well as what they’re going through. As a result, he’s usually well received by them. Feels a little embarrassed and uncomfortable around smart kids though, especially when they explain something that sounds a little complicated to him.

- Back in his younger days prior to all the responsibilities piled on top of him, Badd was a pretty good leader for his baseball team. He checked in regularly with his team mates, their equipment, their training regimens, and their upcoming opponents. He helped some of his team mates with confidence issues, and made sure to keep in check with how they’re doing to prevent in-team fighting. All-star baseball team in their region for sure. :3

- In the future, I imagine that Badd might take up some boxing after taking a hint from all the times monsters knocked his bat out of his hands away from him. Lost his weapon? He’ll use his fists until he can get it back again, and he’ll use them well. Turns out loves the sport, but baseball will always have a special place in his heart.

- He empathizes easily with people experiencing stress; he goes through that daily with everything he has to take care of- but he’s more clueless with issues such as mental illness. Badd’s a little insensitive about it, sometimes suggesting things to take care of it which don’t work, but he’s trying his best to understand what someone is going through and knows enough to know that it isn’t something that can’t be solved by blowing off steam or cutting off some bad things in your life. Gets pissed off if someone dismisses it as ‘something that’s all in their head’ or ‘they’re crazy’ and will confront them. Forcing apologies out of the offender isn’t out of the question. Might want to stop him before he gets too pissed off.

- Like you’d expect, he’s a pretty big fan of sports, but in a more casual way. He likes hearing about his favorite athletes, training regimens, and certain meals/diets that helped stars to build up/maintain their strength and skill, but doesn’t obsessively get himself involved in the subject. On a more sentimental note, Badd finds some solace with famous athletes because they had to work hard to get where they needed to be, and on top of that, have to deal with the pressures that come with their popularity; whether they like it or not.

- Despite not having much time to cultivate attention to honing his skill and interest in cooking, he loves Gordon Ramsay. Seeing him rip entitled, spoiled people apart with words alone and gently encouraging + teaching kids has him placed high on Badd’s list of celebrities that he respects.

- Badd is a Closeted Romantic and a Family Man. Always found it touching where in some old action/thriller films, the male married lead thinks about his wife and kids back home and tells himself that he shouldn’t die, powering through the pain/adversity to get back to them. At some point it shifted to him liking some intense drama/action movie focusing on romance where the couple race against time to get to each other before it’s too late. The idea that someone you love and treat as an equal might actually be gone forever really gets him, and if done right, he’ll cry.

- Cannot, for the love of him, focus well on books. He’s literate, but he always wants to get to the most important stuff, often skimming over details that might be important later on. This is also evident in how he writes, explaining something simply and to the point, which makes him pretty good at teaching kids basic, simplified concepts, but not so good at constructing incredibly thought out and nuanced writing. Books and audio books just aren’t immersive to him. Consequently, English is one of his worst subjects in school, and he often has to rely on online notes and essay examples to help him out.

- Extending on that, I imagine him to be a kinaesthetic/visual learner. He was born with amazing dynamic vision after all. (Under ‘Fighting Style: Keen Perception.’)

- Loves American action movies, but they’ll have to be really well made for him to remember a specific one. If you asked him about his favorite action scenes, he’ll describe it, but more often than not, he won’t remember the movie’s name unless you gave him some clues.

- (Inspired by this fanfic.) His mother died in a monster attack just moments after giving birth to Zenko. Badd used to love and respect his father, but her death lead to him spiraling down to alcohol abuse and neglect due to his grief, leading to his broken pedestal status in his son’s eyes. Badd’s still bitter over it when he thinks about it, saying that his ‘old man nursed his bottle like it was his new kid’ instead of being there for him and Zenko. Caught between poor grades in school, a rough home life, and a baby sister he didn’t know how to take care of, Badd had to convince himself that he needed to be twice the man his father is, and ever was, to get through the worst of what life had to throw at him.

- No matter how hard he tries, he still loves his father, and wants to see him endeavor to become better again. But the combined grief of seeing him crumble and give up on himself, the bitterness over his dad failing to be there for him when he needed it the most, and the anger over how seemingly self-absorbed he was in with his booze and watching the static on the TV when Badd was struggling to cope, makes him force the thought of reconciling out of his mind. Badd forces himself to be outwardly angry over what happened to avoid the conflicted feelings he has over the man he used to see as his hero.

- That being said, if you know what his father used to mean to him, you’ll see subtle signs that while Badd can’t forgive, he had never forgotten him. His father was a big sports fan too, and taught him how to properly hit a baseball. If you knew what he taught and looked closely when Badd fights or does some swings, you’ll see that the tips and tricks that he taught his son has never left him.

- Wanted to get a dog because he thought they were cool, but realized he wouldn’t have enough time for it. Begrudgingly got a cat for him and Zenko after she picked one out. He expected it to be the widespread stereotype for cats: cold, mean, and ruins your stuff… and then he saw how lovable and sweet it was and fell in love. That cat is Tama.

- Hates horror films because some of them remind him of the fact that monsters can manifest for the stupidest reasons, anywhere, anytime. It gets him worked up and restless because anything can happen, and the fact that some monsters in the past had tried to target Zenko to lure him out doesn’t make him feel any better.

- When he’s sick/injured, he sleeps. A lot. A very heavy sleeper; expect snores and heavy eyelids. Seriously, this guy is practically stuck in either Stage 4 NREM or REM sleep until severe injuries heal quite a bit, and germs making him sick are killed off.

- Does not take kindly to anyone calling him weak or stupid. Despite getting angry easily, he’s very resilient (emotionally and mentally.) He knows from experience that if he can’t resolve it quickly, it’s best to put it on the backburner until the opportunity arrives where he can, and does his best to blow off steam in the meantime. He’s not that smart academically and he knows it, but it’s still a berserk button you should stay away from because while he’ll never admit it, it hurts him to know that despite forcing himself to attend school so that he can build a future for himself and Zenko outside of hero work, he’s still failing at getting the grades he needs.

- Expanding on that, he’s smart, but it’s more akin to Saitama’s words of wisdom than eloquent, polished reasoning and beliefs; straightforward and inspiring in a simple way that leaves no room for misinterpretation.

- Don’t let him play video games. Especially rage inducing ones like Cuphead. He will crush the controller and wonder why his character isn’t responding mid-game. The keys on the keyboard are smashed in. There are cracks on the area around the buttons. There’s a Wii remote sticking out of a wall after a frustrating defeat and the wrist strap wasn’t securely fastened.

Garou

- He likes athletic wear better than punk styles. They’re easier to put on and move in, whilst the leather from some punk clothes heats up too much/gets too stiff for his liking.

 - Hates being restrained. Sometimes, on a very, very rare occasion, it can be interpreted as him being scared of the idea since he lashes out pretty angrily at it. Garou had been held down and beaten up by bullies twice, pinned against a tree and choked by Genos before escaping his blast by the skin of his teeth, and then was implied to be chained up and tortured/punished for his insolence against the MA in their torture room. He’s strong enough to escape most bindings, but he will be on edge if he feels like he can’t get out of them. If you play your cards right, his attack patterns will lack their usual cunning and be more animalistic.

- He’ll eat almost any kind of food except for sweets. It’s too sugary for him, leads to a crash later on, isn’t sustainable, and it doesn’t offer much nutritional value to him either, so he steers clear of them if he can help it. The odd exception are energy drinks. The sugary taste isn’t something he exactly likes, but Garou loves the immediate rush that kicks in soon after drinking them; the slight burn on his tongue from carbonated drinks such as coca cola is a plus.

- Loves the thrill of the challenge of almost any sort. The excitement comes from giving it his all and not knowing for sure how things will turn out; if he won, that’s another trophy to him. If he lost, he relishes in a milestone he has to beat and loves the idea that there’s still room for improvement. Winning or losing too much tends to be boring for him, and he’ll abandon it if he sees no way to rectify it.

- When he’s sick or injured, he’s a restless sleeper; it’s hard for him to get the proper hours that he needs. He drifts in and out of sleeping and waking, usually sleeping a few hours at best before waking up for 10 minutes and falling back to sleep. Being attacked while vulnerable, in places with little means of defense or shelter is a pretty good plan for monsters/bigshots who want his head and he knows it. One of the places he can sleep more peacefully at is Bang’s Dojo, but he hasn’t been back there for some time now.

- Tsundere. Not necessarily the blushy ‘I-it’s not like I like you, b-baka!!’ sort of way, but he’s a more subdued tsundere. He’ll come off as mean spirited at times, but the most reliable way of knowing he loves and cares about his loved ones is when they’re being threatened; he’ll rough up the threat so they won’t get any funny ideas in the future.

- Is Russian-French, with some (suspected) Norwegian in there. Is generally a European mutt who takes a keen interest in Asian culture, especially those that developed sick martial arts and/or those who have interesting, complex histories; however, Garou isn’t as interested in wars and political intrigue as he is in weird, clever, and hilarious events and hijinks that sound too surreal to be true… like Zhao Yun's army being outnumbered by the enemy, retreating, and him choosing to make their fortress look empty so that his enemies get suspicious, thinking that it was an ambush and withdrawing... before launching an attack on them, killing off his enemy's army by inciting chaos. (E.g. Some of them got trampled, others fell into a river and drowned.) He won.

- Continuing off of that, he generally regards European history with distaste due to how... unkind, some of them are.

- (God, I love @the-goddessfighter​‘s headcanons for Garou’s parents, so honestly? I’m all for this being 100% canon. Murata or ONE, make it happen. In my eyes, this is as good as you possibly can get with Garou’s backstory.)

Check out her tumblr for her OC’s for Garou’s parents! (Although I do headcanon Toru as a more neglectful father who didn’t care much for Garou, if at all. He didn’t sugarcoat his words to him nor try to comfort his son.)

- Prefers black/white/grey/neutral colors for his clothes, if only to avoid people saying that the colors clash and that he looks like a fashion disaster.

- It’s an unconscious move on his part, and while he usually has impeccable control over his power, sometimes his fingers feel like they’re jabbing you when he’s distracted. Especially when he grabs or hugs you. Sometimes, there are some small bruises where they’ve dug in a little forcefully. When he’s feeling affectionate or sentimental and you’re his lover, he traces over your skin, and it’s a contrasting mix between the calloused, rough textures from the fingers, and smooth, fluid movements that slide like water. It’s a distinct Garou feature, and whether you love it or hate it depends on your tastes.

Genos/Demon Cyborg

- Doesn’t care too much about his popularity, but acknowledges the work that his fans put in when it comes to promoting his work and what little information he shares that others will pick up on. E.g. He doesn’t like to be bothered when he’s busy/with that bald guy, but otherwise is OK with signing a few autographs and shaking hands, he avoids certain obnoxious fangirls, he hates it when there’s a group and they crowd him, etc.

- Despite appreciating this info circulating so that some fans are more mindful about how they interact with him, he’s one of the hardest heroes to connect with due to how cold, closed off, busy, and/or socially awkward he may be. Not that many of his fans mind, as it feeds into the mysterious ‘Cyborg Prince’ fantasy that’s popular in his fan base.

- Thinks that Nice Guys/GirlsTM and people who use ‘I’m an Alpha, those betas/omegas can suck it’ are pathetic. At best. He thinks that they’re compensating for something instead of actually trying to improve themselves: for the latter, the added weight of using a disproved scientific theory makes him lose respect for them even more.

- He has a certain amount of fondness for fauna and flora. Prior to meeting Saitama, he’s had to travel long distances in search of the Mad Cyborg, and more often than not, company is fleeting, leaving him alone most of the time. Flowers by the side of the path, blue skies, the sound of chirping birds, or even some berries with rainwater droplets on them are familiar, nice sights that put him at ease. Some of his notebooks outside of taking notes on Saitama have hand drawn illustrations and notes on some plants he’s encountered, as well as their various uses.

- Conversely, barren cities will put him on high alert. Buildings act as great hiding spots, and Genos isn’t a stranger to being ambushed by monsters and criminals alike. (His eyes can be a great asset in these situations; scanning for threats and movements can give him a heads up on how dangerous the area is.)

- His sense of humor is pretty dark, if not outright sadistic at times; especially towards the people he hates. Otherwise, he likes making (mostly. Key word is mostly) harmless jabs and teases at those he loves because he finds it funny when the other person gets riled up/flustered. His tone and expressions don’t change (most of the time) when he makes them though, making it hard for others to know whether or not he’s joking until he clarifies on the matter.

- Hates those who spread misinformation about medicine, or demonizes scientists. He cares about keeping the public safe, and admires/respects science for everything it’s discovered for the sake of humanity: people such as those are a direct attack on both.

- Though on the outside he takes even the most inconsequential things seriously, to the point where he’s gullible and too honest to lie, he keeps his more solemn thoughts to himself and ingrains them at the back of his mind so that he’ll never forget them. His notebooks don’t hint at them even existing. The only way you’ll ever get to hear them is when you directly attack something he holds very dear to him (beliefs, values, aspirations) so that he may fiercely (and furiously) defend them. He berated Saitama for seemingly making a joke at his expense, but he was somewhat more lenient since he knew that Saitama wielded the power he needed. He won’t be nearly as nice if you’re not someone he likes or respects, so it’s a sure-fire way to get onto his blacklist.

- Is German-Japanese. German father, Japanese mother, though a lot of people mistake him for being fully German thanks to his looks. He understands some parts of the language, but isn’t fluent in speaking it. Japanese he’s fully fluent in, and English is getting to that point as well.

- He doesn’t usually use pet names if he gets a lover, but if he’s fallen in love hard, they get sort of ridiculous and a little cheesy. ‘My beloved’ and ‘darling’ are the most modest ones, but you’ll have to stop him from going after extremely specific and loving nicknames because they blur the line between being hilarious and embarrassing.

- Awesome at stake outs, and often keeps a first aid kit handy in his temporary bases (in the case of civilian injury) alongside a repair kit for himself. Genos is incredibly well prepared just from the equipment he has inside them, but unlike other matters (such as learning how to fold clothes efficiently and going taking it far too seriously), Genos shows pretty good judgment in how he sets them up. He doesn’t take more than what’s needed, and prepares some emergency supplies just in case there’s a new development and he needs to stay a bit longer. He’s learned from experience that taking too many things for them makes it harder for him to clear his tracks, and in return, the enemy (or enemies) that he’s been keeping an eye on might catch onto the fact that they’re being watched, making it harder for him to discover new information.

Shared Traits & Other Bits

- The no-brainer: you will get intimidated into fleeing if you mess with them. Things may get physical if you target their family/loved ones. Injuries vary depending on level of apologetic attitude, how much of a threat you pose, how far you’ve pushed things, etc. Best case scenario is that you flee the scene with no injuries, but scared out of your mind.

- Badd and Genos use the same nickname for their lover: ‘Darling.’ Although Badd will say it as ‘Darlin’’ instead. Other than that, their nicknames are fairly different, with Badd going for things such as ‘sweet cheeks,’ ‘babe,’ and ‘sweetheart.’

- Both Genos and Garou have the tendency to mess with people for their own amusement. Garou comes in the form of taunting and goading, whilst Genos likes to make underhanded comments and jokes that will infuriate you.

- Genos and Garou like books. Genos however, is more introverted and will share his knowledge more thoroughly when prompted by someone who needs it. Garou being Garou, you wouldn’t even know he was into reading until he offhandedly mentions a bit of knowledge from a book he read. Odds are you won’t have time to ask him if he knows how to do x because he would have already gotten up to do it before you can open your mouth. This occurrence is far more common in emergencies.

- Genos doesn’t take any visible joy in fighting. He sees monsters as a threat to society that must be eliminated quickly and effectively. Badd used to enjoy throwing himself into battles and coming out of them victorious, but thanks to time and HA’s obligations, he sees monsters as destructive assholes getting in his way and creating more work for him when he’d rather come home to catch up on other things on the forefront of his mind. Garou loves fighting, the challenge- but it has diminished by a notable amount after his webcomic arc as he’s reflecting on what he needs and wants to do now. Despite this, he usually keeps his eye out for any interesting challenges, if only to distract himself.

- Slightly digressing from the Trio: Zenko shares the burden of taking on responsibilities with Badd, though he doesn’t know they exist. She’s aware of the fact that her brother isn’t living a normal teenage life and is bothered by the fact that he can’t act like his own age most of the time, making her want to be headstrong, capable, and independent soon so he doesn’t have to worry about her. At the same time, she knows that there aren’t many heroes his age that he can get along with, so she tries to fill in that hole by spending time with him while finding heroes she likes, and hopefully her brother will like- the reason being is that hopefully, Badd will make friends with them, and she can meet her idol often! It’s part of the reason why she was so insistent in having him obtain AM’s signature.

- Genos can sing, but sometimes struggles with singing with enough emotion in his lyrics. Garou can sing pretty well, (and sings almost every Disney villain song like a champ) but he’d be resistant to others goading him into it. He’s pretty uncomfortable at the notion that he’d have to sing in front of people. Badd can… sing, but he’s best at singing the lullabies he sung to a baby Zenko- songs that get him into it can have him be really, really into it; to the point where it’s almost embarrassing to watch. He’s pretty good at rap/singing more sentimental pieces such as this:

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 4

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Leo makes a deal with Piper and Jason.

A/N:  Time to introduce more characters! I'm currently reading The Burning Maze (yeah, wish me luck) so I'm not gonna lie, I'm feeling for Jason and Piper more than before and that will probably show in this fic too. But worry not, no body is dying in my story (yet). Anyways, I had a lot of fun with this chapter and Leo's pov and I hope it shows! As usual, thanks to the lovely Cris for noticing my silly mistakes! Feedback would be really loved as it's the only way for me to know what you guys think of this (and it really motivates me!)

Characters in this ch: Leo, Piper, Jason

Words: 2100+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort (in the future chapters)

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

“You know, when you told me you’d be moving out of our flat, I didn’t realize you’d be switching our modest mancave to… basically a mansion.” Leo whistled. He was visiting Jason and his girlfriend Piper’s new home for the first time, only to find out that the place was a new two-floor, 5-bedroom house with a big yard and a garage. Leo knew Piper’s dad was a famous movie star but even so, he couldn’t help but be surprised by the size and the fanciness of the place.

“Yeah,” Jason agreed, ruffling his short, spiky hair awkwardly. He knew about Leo’s background, the part about no biological parents and having to live on the streets for weeks between different foster homes until the police finally picked him and made him go to another family. That’s why Jason didn’t like to make a big number of living in such a place and about the fact that both his and Piper’s dads were rich and well known. As a matter of fact, Jason has moved away from his childhood home already at 16, living with his sister Thalia and working after school to pay for his living because he didn’t get along with his father well. Having Piper’s dad fund the new place had not been an easy thing to swallow for him and Jason swore that once he had gotten a job, he would pay him back. “I told Piper’s dad that we’d be perfectly happy with something smaller, but he refused to listen,” he told Leo too.

“Must be pretty great to have a father like that,” Leo mumbled under his breath, and Jason didn’t miss the tone of his voice.

“I know what it sounds like, but believe me, both of us have had our own issues with our parents.” It wasn’t a lie. Jason’s mother had died of a severe illness when he was young, and his father had always expected him to take over his business when he got older. However, Jason had never wanted that, which led to a huge argument and his father telling him he’d disown him entirely if Jason didn’t listen to him. 

Piper’s dad again was almost never home, being busy with his work, and her mother had left her family when she was a young kid. Piper had visited her occasionally until her teenage years, but these days she only saw her about once a year. From what Piper had heard, she was constantly running after new men and busy with her beauty business. All that meant that Piper was basically raised by a nanny, and she was suspecting that her dad had gotten the house mainly out of regret. 

Either way, even though Jason and Piper’s experiences hadn’t been quite as traumatic as Leo’s, perhaps the problematic family backgrounds had been an important uniting factor for the three of them when they learned to know each other. It was also a big reason why Leo wasn’t actually bitter towards his friends about this new luxury. He knew they deserved to have good things in their lives after what they had gone through.

“Yeah, I know,” Leo replied to Jason. “Don’t worry man, I was just surprised, that’s all. Now you have some space to invite Uncle Leo over sometimes too, right?”

“As long as you remember to pull your head from your machine clouds sometimes,” Jason jabbed back. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard anything from you. How are things going?”

“Busy busy,” Leo answered. “You know, the usual: the profs being a huge pain in my ass, people lining up to get me to fix their things that in reality would take them like 3 minutes to fix and… oh, I have a new flatmate.”

“You do?” Jason asked curiously. “What’s he like?”

“First of all, she’s a she and it’s a long story so I’d prefer to tell it when Piper is hearing it too so I don’t have to tell it twice,” Leo said, so that Jason wouldn’t ask more questions. The blonde boy simply nodded and gestured towards the entrance of the house. After that he gave Leo a quick tour on the first floor. 

“You have this much space here and no workshop? Holy Hephaestus, dude, you need to sort out your priorities!” Leo exclaimed once he had seen most of it. 

“Hephaestus? That’s a new one,” Jason said with amusement. 

“Yeah, well… my new flatmate is into Greek mythology… and Hephaestus is the god of blacksmiths… so that’s kinda cool,” Leo explained as nonchalantly as possible. 

 “Yeah, but did you really pay attention to the mythology lessons? I thought you only care about sciences and handicrafts,” Jason pointed out.

“Fine, you got me. Everything I know about Greek mythology is through my childhood nanny.” Jason couldn’t help but snort at that. 

Leo had to admit he was rather impressed by what he had seen even though the house was still lacking a workshop. Besides, Jason had already promised the guest room would be open for him any time he wanted, which was an offer he would definitely be using soon enough.

“Hi, Leo!” a brown haired girl greeted him happily as soon as he reached the living room. 

“Pipes, hi!” Leo greeted back, throwing her a high five as was their usual habit every time they met. “Would your dad be willing to buy me a place too so I could move away from that old, dusty building?”

“He’s a nice guy, Leo, but he has his limits too,” Piper noted, knowing that Leo wasn’t asking seriously. “Trust me, Jason and I don’t like owing him either. But I thought you liked it in your current flat? What’s the issue?”

“I guess it just isn’t quite the same without you guys hanging out there all the time,” Leo shrugged. “And my new flatmate seems to think after 10 PM is not an appropriate time to fix people’s machines. Go figure.”

“Yeah, why would anyone want to sleep at night?” Piper replied sarcastically but then smiled at him. “So, you do have a new flatmate?”

“Yeah,” Leo nodded, not elaborating more.

Jason couldn’t help but tease a bit: “And it’s a girl and he refused to tell me anything about her.”

“Oh,” Piper said, a curious gleaming in her eyes, “Is that so, Leo?”

Leo punched Jason on his bicep, which however only made him laugh. “Your boyfriend here is changing facts. I only told him that I’d like to tell the full story when you’re hearing it too because I don’t care about going through it any more times than necessary.”

“You’re being quite grumpy about it, though,” Jason retorted. “C’mon, we’re curious.”

“Fine.” Leo sighed. “Her name is Calypso and she’s a history student,” he said simply.

“Wow, I feel I basically know her already,” Piper replied sarcastically. “There must be something else too,” she urged with an encouraging tone that usually never failed to make Leo talk. “What about the long story?”

Suddenly Leo blurted the whole story from their meeting to her cold attitude to Festus breaking Calypso’s desk and to him fixing it and finally cracking her shell a bit. Not much, Leo felt, but at least she greeted him now when they were in the common area at the same time and didn’t seem quite as angry at him anymore. She had even smiled at him the other day. Briefly. Leo tried to shake that thought out of his head. Damn it, why did he always have a thing for girls who were way out of his league (and who hated his guts)?

“Tough luck, man,” Jason said when Leo finished his story. “Maybe she will come around, though.”

Piper, who was very good at reading people’s emotions, though, reacted quite differently.

“Try to think about it from her point of view. She has, based on what you just said, just moved to a new town where she knows no one, and then the first person she meets was – don’t take this as an offense - maybe a bit different than what she expected and then he also breaks what little she owns… I’d probably be pissed off too. So instead of firing back – if she’s still angry – you could try a different approach. You know, actually being nice to her and not making jokes at inappropriate moments.”

Leo frowned. “Hey! It wasn’t like I was intentionally trying to be rude or break anything! I did apologize and fix the desk! She just makes it so easy to be snarky sometimes…”

“Have you really tried to get to know her, though?” Piper asked. “She could be happy if you showed some actual interest in her.”

Leo blushed a bit at the word ‘interest’. “I’m really not so sure about that… To me she seems the happiest when I just let her be.”

“But you’re gonna live together for a while, you can’t just avoid her forever,” Piper pointed out.

“I hate it when you’re right, beauty queen,” Leo rolled his eyes at her. Jason decided to change the topic.

“Hey, how about a card game? If Leo wins, we’ll let you withdraw into your tinkering cave for one more week. If you lose, then we are challenging you to talk to her within the next 24 hours.”

“Sounds like a pretty unfair deal,” Leo muttered. “But knowing you guys you won’t be giving me a choice. However, if I win, I demand to get to live here from next Friday to Sunday, free food and foot massages included.”

“I’m not gonna touch your dirty feet!” Jason protested.

“But if I’m gonna have to talk to her either way, I feel it’s a fair deal.” Leo grinned as if he had won already. 

“Alright. You can spend here even a whole week if you want and we will buy your food BUT we are not gonna massage your feet,” Piper tried to compromise.

“Bummer. I was really looking forward to that. But fine, I’ll accept the deal.” Leo shook both Piper and Jason’s hands to seal it. “Now, let me show you what a real card master can do!”

…

Leo turned out to be an amazing card mixer (his hands always fiddled with something so he had definitely practiced card mixing too) and a good strategist (his main strategy was trying to distract his opponents with bad jokes) but Piper and Jason weren’t bad either. After playing for over 30 minutes, the winner still hadn’t been decided so the trio decided to go all in, the next round would decide the winner.

Piper dealt the cards this time, Leo and Jason taking theirs. A wild grin spreading to Leo’s face when he checked his cards.

“Woah. Sorry, Grace, but I’m afraid I won this game.”

“Is that so, Valdez?” Jason asked, rather confidently as well. Leo glanced at him with confusion only for a moment before he smashed his cards on the table.

“Quads!” he exclaimed happily as he spread the cards on the table for the others to see. Jason’s mouth twitched.

“Not bad, Repair Boy,” the blonde boy said, using the nickname Piper had come up with. “But I’m afraid that won’t win this.”

He showed his cards, revealing five hearts, numbers 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8. Leo’s face paled a bit and the grin disappeared.

“Straight flush! That’s impossible!” he yelped.

“It’s not!” Piper said. “But don’t worry, I think this is a win for both of us. We don’t have to buy your food and you get to stop being stubborn a bit faster. C’mon, this could be a good thing. You might have formed your opinion on her too fast.”

“Hmmph. But fine. I’ll talk to her. Tomorrow. Today, my pride has been wounded.”

Jason and Piper both muffled their giggles. Not much later, Leo decided to go home as he supposedly had homework to finish (in reality, he had already finished his physics exercises in class while bored of listening to the professor talk about something that was way too obvious to him) but the other two knew he was simply making excuses. When Leo had decided he didn’t want to do something, it was /really/ hard to get him to do it, because he was that stubborn. And clearly talking with that girl was one of those things.

Once Jason and Piper had waved Leo goodbye and watched him strut farther on the road, Piper asked quietly: “Should we have told him that the dealer may have been a bit partial and she’s also good at card tricks?”

“Nah, let him think it was a fair game. Otherwise we’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Yeah, you’re right there,” Piper admitted and the two burst into laughter.

[dansedan]

I threatened on the Disco Writer’s Nook server to share my notes from this latest fic, but since they’re wildly incomprehensible and kind of silly I thought maybe I’ll just... chuck ‘em on here instead, under a readmore where they can pass by easier so uhhh xX WeLcOmE To My TwIsTeD mInDXx !!!1!!

(warning for LONG LONG post- I write full sections and asides from the universe that aren’t even in the damn fic within the same notes document a lot... I’m also insufferably pretentious on notes I KNOW and I cull it on the final as much as I can, as well as mild possible spoilers for a fic I haven’t written in the same au-timeline-thing I suppose and NSFT stuff)

(also a lot of this gets discarded because it’s so stupid and I write it at terrible brain moments)

"Por la mañana me di a la estúpida tarea de esconder mis cigarros por los rincones de la casa. Los encuentro, claro, pero fumo poco, fumo menos, hago esfuerzos por mejorarme de una vez."

meditative cigarettes and quitting fic.

Harry smokes less than he drinks, because he smokes to keep sharp and he usually wants to be numb, down to zero, space-based. but after going tee-total and opening up on his quest to actual-human-persondom he finds himself chainsmoking constantly. A concern in his volition is raised, a thought project ruminated on, and strategems laid out.

Harry grasps at the first half at a low point in his attempts to get better without anyone knowing or helping. He wonders about Kim's life, Kim's control. The electrochemistry in him fantasizes about a free-wheeling party-boy sort of Kim, still cool, still quiet, but free and soft and in control of his lack of control- the aviator, the flying ace, at the mercy of the elements and gliding by by choice- lands on the question of the one-per day, the Kim he knows, who takes what he needs with trepidation and preparation.

The truth is that last one- Kim was a social smoker, an after-dinner-if-the-date-is-pleasant smoker, an after-sex smoker, a bumming-cigarettes-to-gague-his-interest smoker (it all started with a boyfriend) but police work and his neverending stint in Juvie drove him to once-per-day, a creature of obsession. He used to heavily resent it- until Harry came along and joined the ritual.

"bebiendo mate con el ademán gracioso de los novatos. Es lo que hago ahora cuando siento ganas de fumar, dijo, con una sonrisa."

Kim and Harry not so close together- the idea of Kim and Harry not knowing everything about each other, because that's just not how you survive, but somehow Kim aching to be up-to-date on Harry all the time.

Harry and his funny little excursions around town. Kim visits and finds cigarettes hidden around the house, smells them in fear of finding drugs, or Harry has to awkwardly shuffle around for one when Kim invites him to smoke. Harry tries to join a book club, starts cooking lofty meals for his yoga class, tries being vegan for a week, checks out a bunch of books on the history of the Coupris Corp (SUZERAINTY ERA MARK OF AUTHENTICITY BABEY) as a way to help him wean off substances but also off Kim. They want each other but they know they need to stand on their own </3

Harry starts going to this novelty/gourmet supermarket and buying one new thing every paycheck like furikake that says it has lead on it and mate and all that. He spends his ex-drinking, smoking money on it.

Harry makes Kim huevos rotos :'-)

You're barely holding it together- how the hell did you get to this newsstand? Is it a newsstand? This structure- round, metal, iron-wrought frame and squat stature- was once a newsstand. How do you know it isn't? What is it now? You feel yourself point someplace on a menu you can't see past the dew of heavy crying- the clerk does not react, he's seen you like this- slam your wallet on the counter. You receive a paper parcel slightly larger than your fist, long. It's warm through the paper, and you can feel the dryness of a light dusting of flour passing through it. Food.

Your legs and arms are moving on their own again, wallet shoved this way, steps stumbled past the other, clumsily bringing whatever it is to your mouth and feeling crumbs fall into your beard- like a shark. That's one of the first things you remember, the beautiful old ultraliberal woman, like a shark, on her boat. The joy of your first- no, second- idiom. The first was up on Marvel Hill where you can't live. Kim said that. Kim's gonna be there, when you do it like a shark and don't stop any of this on your way to work and you stop crying so nobody thinks you did what you're avoiding doing. Is there anyway you can forget the frittte? There's so many locations in your mind, what kind of man are you, remembering the placement of a store that's meant to vanish and appear out of convenience like it's a fucking pitstop (would a flask not be enough? A single habit to get rid of, easy- but you're never easy).

You feel dark-dark-light-darkness and then light again, and smoother flooring and your coat being too warm. You're at the precinct- fuck, you're at the precinct- and it's late, real late, but you are here and there's too many people to fuck up here and at least you aren't crying. Your red face and eyes blend perfectly into too many years and days of red and puffy eyes to call attention. Perfect, perfect- god bless the innocence (or is innocence god? You can't forget- Remember- something.)

"You're late, shitkid." At some point Jean appears beside you. He's walked the other way and stopped- he's grimacing- but more importantly you see his left arm raise and still and clench itself, like a restricted movement, natural instinct. "You smell like shit- is that fish?" You do not know if that is fish because your throat hurts so bad already that you cannot know if you've been swallowing bones for this past hour (minute? Minutes? The walk feels like forever and never enough. You're swearing like a pig now that you're standing, how adequate.) 

You want to say it's agony, the end of days, the end of you- you want to say reprise, and sorry, and oh god I didn't want to see you please I don't deserve it Jean please leave and go away from me and also please oh god please hold me up I don't know what I'm doing but I'm trying to be better but I ate this thing that might as well be sawdust and I do not know what time it's been for several days.

Instead you say "it's my GOD-GIVEN RIGHT, VIC" and you move along like a fucking idiot.

"An image arises in your mind's eye-- a baby, dirty, hideous, its skin mottled and raw and red, peeling, stretching almost impossibly. The baby cries from pain- in it's brief stay on this earth it has already suffered more than some men do in their entire lives. He is built for it- thick skin, quite literally. He is being held by a slight, pale, ugly nurse- a nun in bloodied white rags with a terrible smell of herbs permanently attached to her. The scene is a caricature of mother and child- the hideous thing, held up to her chest, is drinking from an amber bottle, clouded over. In ten years, the contents of this bottle he will be legally too young for-- is this the reason you became the way you are? Are you just born-and-bred this way, surviving off of alcohol where most people had blood and human kindness?

-- It's not. The little pastiche you've thought up for yourself is half propaganda and half racist idiocy. Despite what the supposed "race-realists" may say, not everyone from the Insulindian is thrown on the bottle the moment they're weaned from the tit. In truth, you were barely even medicated, and those bitter, herbaceous spirits are not the cause of your current addiction. It's still on you harry, it's always still on you.

"Wake up- time to listen to the radio.

You love the radio. You really, really love the radio. You think the radio was the greatest purchase you have ever made- drunk you was horrible, and traumatizing, and entirely undebatably subhuman, but he did buy this radio, and by god fuck if that isn't his saving grace (a story comes to mind- a Dolorean allegory from your childhood- about a selfish rich woman and a lazy cheating bum both ferried up to heaven by a single onion that she'd given him during their lives as charity. You choose to ignore the part where they fight and fall back into hellfire). It's the thing that broke you off from your mazovian monk-like refusal to buy anything for yourself other than flour for a week after THE HANGED MAN, it's what got you into cycling and hanging out with the neon eyebleed catsuits crew, it's what reminded you that public libraries exist and nobody will ask you why you're in there reading about suzerainty-era motor carriage manufacturing and the homo-sexual underground. It's the greatest thing since communism, since disco, since-- since-- since cigarettes and kebabs and- and--

... And idolizing someone to the point of crucifixion. Which you aren't supposed to be doing.

Good thing the radio cranks up real loud! 

"You've read everything in this section- theory, history, photography, even, notably, the single romance novel, comically bad, about a middle-aged Vespertine businessman travelling north to the harbour where he had experienced his first teenaged love-- and the young, strapping man he gets to know there. (There are boats involved- it's very biblical). All in all, you read it twice,  meticulously rewrote its horrifyingly vague and unsafe sex scenes (in pen, inside. Not like the librarian's gonna check it) and masturbated at your efforts, winning you a very sore wrist and about 30 minutes of crying because you remembered being in a bookshop with Kim in Martinaise while you were remembering what books were, and then remembered Jean's apartment having a secret stack of equally terrible heterosexual novels bequeathed to him by an ex that you made fun of him for (rabidly, for years).

"Harry's apartment is no longer clean, but not as dirty as before, and its stalwart light-green walls seem, in the summer light, less queasy and foreboding than what they are now, almost dainty in the contrast of the sparse few frames and piles of knickknacks on the floor. 

Believe it or not, this is good-- sometimes, life with Harry makes you feel like a zoologist, intricately analysing an animal's pile of leaves and refuse and knowing, despite all human standards, what these habits mean for the foreign species. And for Harry, mess like this is good. It means he's kept busy by any one of his million little projects,  picked up and put down at a dizzying speed and constancy, each one increasingly out of left field in

Kim and harry talk about the radio, kim thinks about it "radio, what's new? Radio- some-one still loves you"

Harry talking abt agenda + library bc you can't smoke + planning for dinner with Kim :-)

Gotta go to the library so you don't chainsmoke

Gotta shower to go to the library 

Don't wanna shower bc executive dysfunction

Grab a smoke before you shower 

Oh wait you've been chain-smoking fuck (insert meditation on sharp vs smooth)

Hide all your cigarettes around the house feeling pathetic about it

You still don't feel like showering

But you just chainsmoked and you know you'll do it again because you JUST hid your smokes and the hiding spots are fresh in your mind

Birdbath (why are you so fucking dysfunctional that you can't shower like a normal adult) 

Introspective rubber ducky selfhate momence

Rubber ducky encourages you through the power of nihilism and Kim

Thought project gain

Go to library and need comfort so you're going thru all your usual shelves (insert le funny homo shelf joke here) 

What does he read about? Smoking? Idk

Kiiiiiim. Kimmy kim kim. Think about Kim

Maybe he reads recipe books to woo kim

        INSERT EXISTENTIAL BROTH EPISODE HERE to talk about how you've never actually seen Kim cook (he told you it was good soup, clearly lying, you told him it was broth, and that you could teach him how to make soup out of it if he wanted...)

(broth episode was another note, inserted here: 

ANOTHER harry coping fic. Miserable housebound weekend nights because he can't party but the house is horrible to be in and he keeps dunking his hands into more and more ice water and taking like half-body cold showers and he's like "maybe this is bad for my skin!!! I gotta get out holy shit" and he's like uhhhh fucking. Can't go to work. Let's go to the supermarket. And then he's almost there and he's like OH FUCK NO THERES ALCOHOL AT THE SUPERMARKET and he straight up bolts out of there and muscle memory gets him to a shady ass butcher shop in some random immigrant neighborhood and he buys so much fish because of a failed check and he goes home and basically he makes so much fish stock. He makes just so fucking much fish stock and Kim comes to pick him up the next day and panics because it genuinely smells like the dead in there but it's just harry making fucking. fish broth or something. Just harry coming up to the door in his work clothes with way too much cologne on and a thermos of fish soup like "uh... Do you want some Broth kim?" And Kim can't fucking cook but he takes some Broth anyway and he's trying to figure out why harry would do that but harry is being a little edgy about it and Kim is like oh god I need to help him a little and they have a sit down about it and he's like wanting to say "hey if you need somewhere to go I'm here for you" but it's hard and I don't even know if he ends up actually saying it. Okay bye)

Talking about the sexiness of supermarkets and how they make reptile brain go brrr

Think about alcohol vs smoking. Think about kimmy kim kim (insert european drinking joke here)

Have that get stuck in his head. Kim kimmy kim kimmy kimmy kim kim. Kimster. Kimbo. Kitsy. Kitty. Cutie. Oh god no fuck oh god I need to stop.

He goes home and still rlly wants to smonk

You hide the cigarettes around the house. It feels stupid, and you know you’ll be embarrassed having to pull the Jamrock Shuffle in your own apartment, that you’re a grown adult who could just *buy another box of cigarettes* whenever you wanted to, but you feel like it helps. Drag the killing thing away from the crappy little animal even for a couple moments more, let yourself get tired out like the old man you are below all the disco scaffolding. You can’t really bring yourself to shower, but you drag the radio into the bathroom with you and wash yourself in the sink. You try to be good about it- stay away from the mirror, really lather up and clear away the sweat that’s caked to you throughout the night and morning, feel the warm graze of the water on your skin. You brush shampoo through your hair and work it in in cycles, focus on the humming feeling of the bristles on your scalp, trying not to think of much of anything, just the smell of the cheap powdery soap and of what clothes you’ll wear today, try to settle into a better memory of this instead of picking at the shame you feel about how hard it is for you. ducking your head into the stream of the water in the sink and forgetting everything except the whishing, scratching sounds of cleaning.

Being clean feels good, and being dressed again feels maybe even better (knit sweaters are a revelation- who could’ve known polyester satin wasn’t made for seaside winters), so by the time you walk your way into the Jamrock public library the morning’s incidents are nigh-forgotten. The dry warmth of the old library is a reliable balm- the yellowed fluorescent lighting washing out the rows and rows of slate-grey plastic bookshelves lined up like soldiers over prerevolutionary tile, with its woven edges and dark, jeweled pinwheels of color, stretching out endlessly full of books, reels, and the rare intricate portrait hanging overhead. Before them, long wooden tables dotted with mismatched lamps, flickering in and out of use, occupied by antsy juveniles and sleeping hobos. It feels effortlessly like home, like a shared worldly past that welcomes everybody- and maybe that just means that it's generic and a little overdue for renovations, but you love it as it is.

Shuffling through the tall shelves of books, you weave through mindlessly to find your favorite sections- the history (both common and infra-cultural, with a surprisingly competent collection of industrial works and a predictably miserablly little shelf of homo-sexual underground interest), the art, and the meager offerings of political literature. You can hear your off-tune humming echo back to you somewhat feebly off the high, painted ceiling, done up in some lame facsimile of early Dolorian excess (therriers, noblewomen, forget-me-nots crowding the edges of each filligreed panel, dead-eyed faces in doleful expressions, pale and empty smiling). You've got all of daylight ahead of you, which is more than enough time to browse around as usual before you have to get yourself home and start cooking.

You turn the corner smoothly into the very back of the library, into a wider set of dusty and anachronistic wooden bookshelves-- history trends unpopular, considering the fact that all the books within are horrifyngly outdated due to a miserable municipal budget, maybe that's for the best. There are better places for students to get this information now, like the private library a couple blocks away at the Cycle Universitee, or from library dial-stations tuned in from the south, where the Bibliotheque Nacionelle Des Travailleures is run by Coalition-approved volunteers. The first thing to catch your eye is the pillar of works of infra-cultural expression and documentstion- essays and short stories from New authors, studies and zines on Disco, and of course, the particular political darling of the 20s, the homo-sexual underground.

You've read everything in this section- theory, history, photography- even, notably, the single commercial romance novel, comically bad, about a middle-aged Vespertine businessman travelling north to the harbour where he had experienced his first teenaged love-- and the young, strapping man he gets to know there. (There are boats involved- it's very biblical). All in all, you read it twice,  meticulously rewrote its horrifyingly vague and unsafe sex scenes (in pen, inside. Not like the librarian's gonna check it) and masturbated at your efforts, winning you a very sore wrist and about 30 minutes of crying because you remembered being in a bookshop with Kim in Martinaise while you were remembering what the world was, and then remembered Jean's apartment having a secret stack of equally terrible heterosexual novels bequeathed to him by an ex that you made fun of him for (rabidly, for years). You shudder, now, at the sight of its cracked spine looking you from the middle sill. Its gaze feels hefty and judgemental, and you do not like it.

There are  

KIM CHAPTAAAA

"you'd like him to take care of himself. You'd like to be there to do it for him when he can't"

"He opens the door, and immediately there are a million little things that test you (hell, with that thick-knit sweater he's wearing, any weakness in you would have him writhing on the floor in seconds). The half-up style of his now-so soft looking auburn hair, split across to reveal the pale white of his nape between the raised collar of his sweater, the kind wrinkling of his open smile upon seeing you walk in, the light, jazzy music of the radio backing his belly-deep laugh and the heady smell of incense in the room are all exhilaratingly Harry to you.

What to do with jean:Standalone fic for him?

Starts when he sees Harry with the eyebleed crew and he's the one who goes up to him like "WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING SHIT KID" and harry is like. Oh god oh fuck jean uh let's be... Cordial! Optimistic! (What jean sees is one of his signature pauses but like. Yeah it's the skills talking) and he's just like "oh it helps me stay sober and make friends, I found out about it on the radio🙂" and Jean is like holy fucking shit this is absolutely insane.

            1) bc Harry used to be so repressed he was basically homophobic with his macho act

            2)bc Jean originally didn't believe the amnesia thing but then when Harry genuinely did shit like this and never told him (which, if it was a cruel joke he would've tried to make it very public and obvious and drag jean into it to embarrass him)

            3) because JEAN was his friend and why the fuck does he just. Run off with random people with a radio ad instead

            4) because he's doing so well. He's like, fully at the sort of "this-side-of-pudgy" bear level that's hot enough to get him positive attention over the damage of the alcohol and he's wearing the sort of clothes that show it and he's got all these crew buddies where Jean is stuck with his hellish depression workouts where he sometimes works until he pukes and then feels like shit about self-harming like that. (what he doesn't know is that Harry is basically doing that same exact shit just he's using his swag alcoholic skills to lieeeeee about it. rip)

Maybe harry apologizes in their conversation about the romance novels. Like it blurts out.

eventually add in the previous consideration fic you were thinking of &quot

starting with bitter porno kimbo/viccy catfight bullshit

"no that's pathetic and he'd never go there." dynamic where kim cares quietly and jean is bitchy about Harry

then "no, he's dealt with harry so much already, I can't imagine." so it's all concern for him

and then that backslides into "how could I comfort him? how could he understand my need for comfort? "

we stan a mildly nonaccepted himself Jean so he's like "WAIT UH GAY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS GUY TOO? FUCK FUCK FUCK"

gotta make it panic horny. it's a Dan Gat fic. how would kim look.... yknow......

since the only other guy who's been like that with him has been harry -> third wheel dynamic going to ->

horny ot3 dynamic. old men doting on him because it's his fantasy and he gets to be the pampered one goddamnit

end somehow

THIS IS THE EXACT DYNAMIC WE'RE GOING FOR Jean liked Harry premart and Harry was unbearably machismo repressed homophobic bullshitero man (I need to decide if he was stupid enough to be like AS LONG AS IM ON TOP IT ISNT GAYYYY or smth sex/intimacy related like that maybe he just kinda. ""comically"" hit on Jean or said suggestive shit to him but never fully acted on it) and then he comes back from Martinaise all loyal puppy dog or whatever for Kim and Jean is like "??? OKAY SO I GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AND HE TALKS SO BIG ABOUT LOVING MUSCLE DUDES AND NOW HES GONNA FUCK THIS GRANDPA?" but then he's like self-aware enough to know that's stupid.(Jean's problem is that he looks for wounds on Kim and not Harry, so he's all like "damn this bitch stole my mans when he's actually good...." meanwhile Harry is like Very Obviously Self Harming All The Time and not even really with Kim so often rip)

Harry wants to reach out and ask him about his thing with Kim because he has memories of Jean either being gay or being less homophobic or just having Gay Energy that he was an asshole about or whatever plus it just feels natural to work through shit with Jean but he stops himself because he's like "well DRINKING also felt natural that doesn't mean we should do it..."

maybe they get into it because Jean makes an offhand comment about "stop ogling kim" and harry is like (computer warmup noises) and jean just kinda forces him to spit it out RE: meme description

Harry's whole deal with avoiding Jean is "some things are unforgivable and I'm fairly sure I've done things bordering on that to you for so, so long, and now I don't even know what they were or who I was when I did them, to me that person is dead, and I know then that I can't apologize to you thoroughly, genuinely, and I don't want to insult you by presuming that I ever could, at this point. I don't want to insult you by assuming I can just go back to what we were before, to each other, without an apology or an actual understanding of what went wrong. I can't speak for certain about his mind-my mind- but at least in some part that guy killed himself because of what he did to you, and to everyone around him, sure, but mostly to you. And now I'm here, and it feels horrible to try and go against that and push myself into your life. It feels horrible to see I've done something to you worth killing myself over and then still insist on coming back to bother you beyond the grave"

And Jean's response is "you thought everything was bad enough to kill yourself over! And you're still alive, you're still him, and fuck, yes it'll take a long ass fucking time for me to ever really forgive you, but you were my best friend and you're still fucking alive- I see you every single day, Harry, do you know what that's like? To see your best fucking friend every single day and watch him flinch and try to act like he doesn't exist every single time he sees you? Fuck you and fuck what you wanted before, *I* never wanted you dead, and your little stunt here with pretending you're finally fine and then keeping everyone at an arm's distance is just another, slower grave you're digging" etc etc "if this is the upswing at last, I’d better be there for it.**”

Jean is a frat boy that you do not expect to be a frat boy. He unironically gets along with mack and chester. He's only just started to grow out of it through dealing with Harry's horrible downfall

sequel to geste drole des debutantes but it's just a 3 chapter PWP masturbation fic..... of Kim and Harry after the dinner and then SHOOKETH SURPRISE IT'S JEANGST YEARNING TIME!

Kim trans.... Good for him...

Stroker shit

He wants to fuck Harry basically

     ...slow tease? Or fast and desperate?

Dry kissing

Hair pulling...

Youre hard, and you're wet, and you can't help but think of that smile on his face as you left and you want him to taste it, to get on his knees for what he's done to you and swallow it all down, feels the soft brush of his beard on your thighs.

 Harry also trans... Good for them good for them...

Handkink shit

Wants kim to absolutely wreck his shit

... He's new at this

Slow....

Jean

Jeangst

Want to wreck harry's shit... Mouthfuck stuff maybe

Power bottoming?? Idk

Whoops my hardcore dom revenge fantasy has slipped into a getting bossed around by the guy I thought I disliked for taking away my partner UHH.... LETS NOT UNPACK THAT....

Some idiot makes like a homophobic stupid "ah the fucking lieutants off scissoring or something" comment and then jean is like "oh god what if that but sexual instead"

Gym shower...

Jean has a big dick too bad bitch

When harry du bois ruined his life, thinks satelitte-officer Jean Vicquemare- he might at least have had the decency not to also curse his dick. This shit was weekly and only getting worse, now that the shitkid didn't constantly smell like despair and carrion had scored a threesome with a bartender's manual.

[not-iscariot]

This was really hard but if you’re interested in my reasoning then scroll below...

Favorite game of all time: Dragon Age Inquisition

For a lot of the answers I wanted to give Big Brain Answers, but thinking through all the games I’ve ever played... I don’t have the hours on any other game like I do this one. I have my own issues with the franchise and some of the decisions that get made but hot damn does a good RPG Fantasy series do it for me. I’ve never played another game that genuinely feels different and unique every playthrough, the world is so big and the ability to feel like a bunch of different versions of the Inquisitor are some of the reasons I find the game so fun to replay. I’ve played 3 games through to completion, 2 with the Trespasser DLC, and 1 where I played every DLC available. I’m currently on another playthrough right now... so based on my attachment and hour log I would say this is my favorite game of all time.

Best Story: Mass Effect 3

This was also really hard because there are a lot of games where I loved the story. I think it’s really hard to end a series and I honestly liked the ending of Mass Effect although not everyone is a fan. The choice-consequence ramifications in this game are pretty brutal and it’s rewarding to see the conclusion of so many of the companions’ arcs. The first time I finished this game I was sobbing which showed how much investment I had in the story and the characters, especially Shepard. I think there are a lot of interesting larger ideas explored in the series like collective consciousness through the Geth as well as the tension between synthetic and organic, which I found myself thinking about a lot when reading Emergent Strategy. 

Favorite Art Style: The Wolf Among Us

RIP Telltale. I liked a lot of their games, but WAU is where I feel the style really hit it’s stride. It worked super well with the fantasy/detective story. I’m sad they never got to finish the game. 

“I’ll finish it some day”: Zelda: Breath of the Wild

BotW is a really amazing game but I have never in my life finished a Zelda game. I want to finish it bad but I sucked literal ass at the boss fights. I also struggle hard with games that have huge open worlds when there isn’t a story really driving me through objectives and missions. Some people love the freedom, I tend to get bored quickly. I dropped the game because I didn’t have time to play it so when I feel up to it again I’m starting from the beginning.

Big Personal Impact: Dragon Age 2

This game made me realize I was bi and helped me come out. That’s pretty much all there is to it. By far my favorite companion set, I hope for future games they take more cross impact between companion characters because that was seriously lacking in Inquisition.

Best Combat: Spider-man 

Super fun combat that you personalize to your fighting style. When I was hitting my best in terms of combos it felt super cool. Just a really strong game gameplay-wise. 

You like, but everyone else hates: Beyond: Two Souls

I don’t know if everyone hates it but when I talk about it I hear a lot of groans... this is definitely one of my favorite games to play with someone else and I think it’s super engaging to play with people who aren’t really into video games. It’s easy enough for them to get into with a decent story and decent twist reveals. 

You hate, but everyone likes: Fallout Franchise

I’ve tried so hard to get into these games. I own most of them but I have never been able to finish one. Fallout 4 was super buggy and I couldn’t get through some of the critical fights. I wanted to be into it but it just didn’t do it for me.

Underrated: Jedi Fallen Order

I don’t think it’s that underrated but I had a friend tell me it was “just Dark Souls with lightsabers” and I thought that was an unfair assessment. The Jedi gameplay is really fun and the boss fights are hard but so worth it to keep trying until you get through them. Also, as a Star Wars nerd, I liked this offshoot exploration of the Jedi. 

Overrated: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

OK I bought this game having never played a Witcher game or engaged with really any Witcher content and I thought, based off the amazing reviews, that wouldn’t be a problem but I could not get through it. I just didn’t understand what the heck was going on or get attached to any of the characters. I went back and bought the first two games on sale, although the first is so frustrating because you have to obsessively save so that you don’t lose progress. I’m open to changing my mind down the road but I just didn’t get into it.

“Why do I like this?”: Grand Theft Auto V

I bought this at the beginning of quarantine last year as a long game to have that would take me ages to complete so I wouldn’t lose my mind. It’s the only GTA game I’ve ever played and I got super into it even though it’s like... GTA. Truly just THAT video game stereotype, you know?

Game you always go back to: Borderlands 2

I’ve played the other Borderlands games but this is definitely my favorite. Just a decent game to playthrough either on your own or with other people. I like the drop-in, drop-out story play through you can do with people.

That atmosphere...: Stardew Valley

Pretty self-explanatory. I wish I lived there. I want what they have...

Bad Day Cure: The Uncharted Franchise

Decent story and story arcs. Good gameplay to zone out to. I like the characters. This was the first set of games I played on my PS4 and it was during a blizzard. Super replayable.

Favorite Protagonist: Hades (Zagreus)

I almost said Dragon Age 2 for Hawke but because Hawke’s personality really depends on the player (I exclusively do humorous) I didn’t feel that counted for strong protag writing. Zagreus rocks. Bi king. He’s sensitive and caring and tough and funny. His arc is so wholesome... my childhood trauma definitely projected heavy onto this game.

After Work Game: Left 4 Dead 2

This was the first game I ever bought on Steam back in 2012 to play with my online friends from deviantArt... that’s how old this game is for me. I’ve clocked almost 400 hours and it’s definitely my go-to comfort/tune out game. I literally play this game to self soothe when I have anxiety... I’m so used to it and familiar with the gameplay that it doesn’t stress me out at all. 

Biggest Letdown: Mass Effect Andromeda

After ME series I was honestly fine where Shepard’s story ended and I was down for another protag and offshoot story but... the game sucked. The combat was fun and it wasn’t unplayable but ME was so good that this game just didn’t live up to the standard. The companions are just not as interesting or engaging, it was buggy and animated weird as hell, and I couldn’t give a fuck about Ryder honestly...

“Back in the day” game: Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire

Curling up on the couch or in my room on my Gameboy Advanced SP in red collecting pokémon... these were the DAYS. 

“Not the best but having fun”: Fire Emblem Franchise

Three Houses is definitely my favorite and the only other that I liked out of the few I’ve played was Awakening. I think the games are decent and fun, Three Houses was definitely the strongest in terms of side characters and story, but there are still issues like... how romancing works. Claude is so bisexual it’s actually alarming... 

Criminally Overlooked: Mirror’s Edge

This series had potential to become such a cool franchise but it stopped after Catalyst. I was so invested in the world they created and it was just very... whatever Watchdogs was trying to do but I didn’t like as much. Some really awesome gameplay, just a lot of parkour and running.

Depressing Game: The Walking Dead 

This game and the subsequent ones I just feel so bad for Clementine, this poor girl cannot win. I never finished the last season because I lost track of what Telltale ended up doing, but now I know they finished it so I gotta get back in there. Yeah I cried at the end of this first game.

Favorite ACTIVE Franchise: Dragon Age

So many issues with the series but... it’s likely if they’ve announced a new one I’ve already pre-ordered. I’m very invested and hope Dragon Age 4 is as good if not better than Inquisition...

Not usually my thing but...: Red Dead Redemption 2

Not at all a game I would usually get based of how it was advertised and explained to me as well as the usual crowd who’s into it but... I really loved it. I said this before that I’m not great with super large maps and free reign but RDR2 is one of the few exceptions. I would spend hours just running around and hunting. I started playing it in quarantine and lord... it was so nice to just roam around this huge, beautiful map and feel like I was hanging out outdoors. It also made it shitty to be stuck outdoors because all I wanted to do after I finished was go on a cross-country road trip. Still very much a like... manly man game. But I don’t mind that.

Anyways that’s my two cents. Here’s the blank:

[allie1804-fan]

A Doorway is Opened (Chapter 2)

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 It was June 2020 and progress was being made with plans to re-open film production - Keanu would soon be heading back to Germany to continue shooting the Matrix 4.  With the lock-down restrictions on meeting friends lifting, Keanu invited Hannah to dinner at his house. He even cooked - a dish of spaghetti with prawns, fresh tomato and lemon that his sister had taught him.  This would be their first meeting in 2 months and their last in 2 months due to the shooting schedule.  

After dinner, they went through to his living room and sat on the sofa to talk through the latest draft of the script.

 “So, you’re glad I pushed you on this aren’t you? Gave you something to do in lock-down huh?”

 “Yeah OK you win”, she laughed. “I’m grateful to you for giving me the confidence to try”  

 She carried on:

 “You know these past couple of months I’ve felt like the clouds have lifted, the clouds of grief …. and I know that’s partly just time passing but it’s also thanks to you and your friendship” she spoke in an almost whisper.  When she met his gaze he was blushing again!

 “The screenplay gave me a real focus for the first time since Mark died you know other than helping the boys and just putting one foot in front of the other”

 He nodded his understanding

 “I kind of feel like a plant coming back to life after a long dark winter”

 He smiled to think he’d helped her to loosen grief’s grip on her soul.

 “I heard a theory about this before. They said that your grief is always the same, the same size and just as painful but your life grows around it and cushions the pain”

 Keanu nodded his agreement

 “For me” he said, “sometimes my grief bursts forth like an alien from my chest when I least expect it. I hope we find a way to express your concept in the movie when it’s made -  I love it so much. You have some beautiful ways of explaining grief”

 “Well like I said, that one’s not mine, it’s just one I found that really resonated with me”

 “You’re too modest”

 They looked at each other. Somehow, the atmosphere had changed with the sharing of such deep feelings. Keanu looked at her, soft brown eyes holding hers for a few moments longer than felt comfortable. Suddenly he shook his head as if a shiver went through him

 “Where are my manners, would you like some more wine”

 “I better not, I’m driving and I’ve already had one glass” she said.

 “You could always sleep over, in the spare room I mean, I mean I’m not hitting on you or anything, not that I wouldn’t want to, oh God! ……….”

 By this point, Hannah had started laughing at his befuddlement and he started to giggle as well.

 “Sorry for being such a dork – could you stay though?” he beseeched her with his eyes,  or do you need to be back for the kids?, I know I sound like I’m begging, I kind of am I guess ……….. it would just be nice to talk some more ………. I mean what with we me going away for 2 months, Facetime just isn’t the same!”

 Hannah took pity on him and placed her hand on top of his and stroked it softly

 “1 I don’t need to be back for the boys, they’re at their grandparents this week and so 2, yes I could sleep over and 3 yes please, more wine!”

 Keanu beamed and leapt up to fetch the bottle from the kitchen.

“What were we talking about before I started being a total dork?!

 Hannah chuckled “oh grief, death, our usual cheery stuff!”

 “Oh yes, of course we were, what else is there after all?!”

 A ghost of a smiled showed on Hannah’s face.

 “Do you mind telling me some more about Mark? How long were you together”

 “Wow, over 30 years   - we were just kids when we met, literally in elementary school. But we didn’t go out until I was 17, nearly 18. I guess I kind of stalked him until he caved in!  We knew we were in love about a month in I guess and we got engaged whilst at uni but married just after. I was 23 so we had been married 27 years when he died”

 “Wow you were so young to be getting married!”

 “I know right! - when I think Toby is already nearly that age, it freaks me out big time.  Anyway, I guess you almost know the rest, from the book. We were lucky in so many ways to find each other and stay in love throughout.

 A comfortable silence fell as she reflected and wondered about his romantic history. She hoped their current intimacy meant it would be OK to ask.

 “What about you? Who have been your big loves, if it’s OK to ask”

 “Sure – I mean I think I can be confident of not seeing any of this in next week’s National Enquirer! Let me see, errrrm  there was Penny. She drove with me from Toronto to LA when I left there to pursue my career.  It wasn’t exactly serious - she knew how focussed on my acting I was, but she was special, my first steady girlfriend I guess.”

Keanu then told her about a few other steady girlfriends in the 80’s and early 90s. None of them had lasted beyond a year. Film and promotional schedules often overtook his time and took him away from LA making it hard to sustain relationships.

 “And then there was Jennifer. We had a long distance thing largely as I was away filming the first Matrix not long after we hooked up. I think that added in my head to the romance of it all. Writing her letters on my little typewriter after long days on set, posting them from thousands of miles away. Once I got back to LA things felt less sure, she was never confident in us, always needing reassurance and I think she found the celebrity thing both exciting and overwhelming - like she was part way a fan, partly my lover, you know? Then she got pregnant and everything changed”

 “Oh so Jennifer was the mother of your baby, the one who died?”

 Hannah knew this one fact about him but had steered away from looking stuff up on-line about it. She counted him as a friend now so if anything was to be shared, it had to come from him.

 “Yeah, Ava’s mother. 19 years ago…….so much water under the bridge.”

 “Do you think about her often now?”

 “Who? Jen or Ava?”

 “Both I guess”

 “Yeah sometimes. You know in a sliding doors type way, especially at Christmas. That’s when we lost Ava. Christmas Eve 1999. What about you, do you think about your lost babies?”

 “Yes sometime of course …….  but I think it’s different for me. My lost babies paved the way for Josh. If they’d lived, he wouldn’t be here, so I don’t mourn them as maybe you mourn your daughter, do you see? Of course I do think of them and every Christmas we’d hang stars and angels on the tree for them. That’s how we remembered them and the pain of their loss.”

 Hannah was quiet for a few moments, remembering

 “Do you have a way, a ritual to remember Ava? Do you and your family do something to remember her?”

 “I guess they always just try to make sure I’m not alone at Christmas. That’s threatened to happen a couple of times and then Brenda or Janey or Alexandra have stepped in you know to rescue me! Stop me embodying my meme!”

 “Your meme?”

 You know, “Sad Keanu”?

 “That one must have passed me by! I’ll get the boys to explain to their boomer mom!”

 “I’m so glad you’re a boomer mum as you say and not all over it when it comes to press and internet stuff about me. It’s refreshing. Makes me feel I can be me without all that stuff informing who you think I am. Sometimes it gets in the way with new people, you know? I know I can be myself around my old old friends like Alex (he was in Bill and Ted) and Rob (he was in the band with me)

 “Wait you were in a band?”

 “Yes back in the 90s, Dogstar. Our folk thrash punk band”

 “Sounds interesting – I clearly wasn’t paying enough attention back in the 90s!”

 “Well we weren’t exactly topping the charts so that would probably explain it!”

 “Can I hear some of your stuff?”

 “Sure”

 Keanu fetched some cds and had a look through to pick a song, going for  “And I Pray”.

 “Gosh, a man of many talents” she praised “what did you play?”

 “the bass”

 “Cool”

 “wanna listen to some more music? I can hook up my phone to the speakers and we can play things on Spotify”.

 “Sure, so you’re au fait with all the new tech? I took me ages to get there and I still have loads of cds and vinyl”

 “me too   - believe me I’m generally way behind the curve with technology but my god-daughter and my kid sister both played a role in bringing me into the 21st century”

They spent the next couple of hours, huddled on the sofa, scrolling through music choices on his phone and sharing both his and her favourites as well as reminiscing about bands they’d grown up listening to and great concerts they’d been to.

 It was around 1am, with Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” softly playing that Hannah’s head lolled onto Keanu’s shoulder, the impact startling her back awake

 “sorry, sorry” she said embarrassed

 “hey no worries, you wanna go to bed now?” he asked

 “Yeah, as you saw, my eyes are closing” 

 “Come on, let’s get you set up in the guest room, I’ve got a spare t-shirt you can sleep in if you like and there’s a new toothbrush in the en-suite with your room.

 The room was a pretty one, perhaps decorated with his god-daughter in mind she thought. Once he’d shown her where things were and how to work the shower, Keanu bade her goodnight with a light kiss on her cheek. Despite being so tired, it took Hannah a good half hour to fall asleep. She touched the cheek where he’d kissed her and giggled inwardly at herself for feeling like a giddy teenager. In the past 2 months, she’d recognised her growing fondness for Keanu, putting it down to a mix of absence making the heart grow fonder and the Covid crisis making her susceptible. She’d found him very attractive way before she met him but she certainly hadn’t expected that he would reciprocate those nascent feelings. Tonight his lingering gaze as they talked about grief, his befuddlement trying to get her to stay and his soft goodnight kiss all made her wonder and maybe even hope. Tomorrow was another day.

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[robinrunsfiction]

That Promptly Turned To Dust

Pairing: Frank Iero x Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: @glittercupcakes-and-squats​ who provided the prompts Word Count: 2,700 Author’s Note: Like dudes, I just got home from work, I haven’t even taken my jacket off yet. My new MCR shirt is still sitting in the package waiting to be opened, but NO, it must wait, as I have impatient readers who have already read this who are waiting for this to post

ENJOY THE ANGST

Life on the road was never easy, especially for an up and coming band. It was even more tough on the people who worked for them. But it was exactly the kind of work (YN) loved to do. The fast pace, the travel, the new faces every day were exciting to her. Maybe one day she would want to settle down, but not yet. For now, she had a life to live and that meant finding herself in the middle of the United States, Nebraska to be specific, watching Garden of Woe open for My Chemical Romance.

(YN) grew up with the lead singer, Liam. She went to school with them, and since (YN) always acted like the mom of band, she was a natural to hire as their assistant. Off the buzz generated by their debut album, they were hired to open for My Chem. It was amazing to see them play every night to huge crowds, winning so many of them over with their music.

But by far the best part of the tour was the camaraderie between the bands. My Chem was huge, having just released The Black Parade, but they welcomed the smaller band with open arms. (YN) appreciated the time she got to spend hanging out with these incredible musicians backstage and in the busses between shows.

That's where (YN) met Frank. She knew she was a sucker for a guy with tattoos that could play guitar, but when she saw him perform live for the first time, it was like she had been struck by lightning. What she didn't know was that Frank was putting even more into his performance because he was hoping that she would notice him.

He saw (YN) at the first tour meeting and was instantly interested. He could tell by the way she was taking notes and asking questions that she was smart in addition to being pretty. When he saw the merch Garden of Woe was selling, he was impressed by how cool it was, and then even more impressed to hear (YN) designed it. He knew he had to get her attention somehow.

The next day when they arrived for the second show of the tour, Frank finally worked up the nerve to go talk to her. He found her during a quiet moment while Garden of Woe was doing their sound check, and she was organizing their dressing room.

“Hi,” he said, causing her to almost jump out of her skin.

“Oh my god, you scared the shit out of me!” (YN) exclaimed, clutching her chest. “Sorry, hi Frank, what can I help you with?”

“Sorry,” he laughed nervously. “I was just wondering if you wanted to maybe grab a drink or something some time between shows.”

“Oh! Yea, that would be really cool, I'd love to,” she smiled.

“Then it’s a date,” he said running his hand through his hair.

“It’s a date,” she replied, smile growing even larger.

~

Frank had never fallen so hard or so fast for a girl before. He felt like he could open up to her and be honest in ways he never had with someone before. Luckily for him, the feeling was mutual.

(YN) found that Frank was more than tattoos and amazing guitar playing; he was caring and kind. From the way he nervously took her hand when they were walking back to the busses after their first date, to the way he tenderly caressed her cheek before leaning in and kissing her for the first time, to the way his hands held her close on the nights he snuck onto the Garden of Woe bus, and the first time they slept together in a hotel room with a view of the Rocky Mountains, he was everything to her.

They spent time hanging out with their friends, cracking jokes, and having fun, but when they were alone, they were making quiet promises to each other. They both had damage, bad past relationships, shitty experiences, but they were putting all that behind them to be something better together.

(YN) opened her eyes in a hotel room somewhere in Arizona, or maybe New Mexico, it was a blur at this point, and found Frank smiling softly at her. He had paid Ray $20 to avoid the room for a few hours so they could have some privacy.

“Sorry I dozed off after we…,” she trailed off with a sleepy smile.

“Don’t worry, I love you so much, I'm happy just being near you,” Frank said. The words rolled off his tongue so easily he didn’t even realize what he had said.

“You love me?”

Frank’s cheeks grew red, knowing what he had let slip, but he decided to own it. “Yea, I really do. I hope its not too soon to say, but I feel like we could really last.”

(YN) grinned and then buried her face against his bare shoulder. “I love you too,” she replied when she finally looked up at him.

~

“(YN) don’t you have your own bus to ride on?” Bob asked when he spotted (YN) and Frank sitting together on the couch.

“Don’t you have your own business to mind?” Frank retorted.

“They don’t need me on the bus constantly. It’s not like I wipe their butts for them,” (YN) laughed.

“Hey guess what?” Ray said walking up to the front of the bus. “Jake is gonna come out for the show tonight! He said he’s got a couple people, we should get them passes so we can hang.”

“Sounds good to me,” Gerard agreed. “I haven’t seen him in years.”

“Wonder who he’s bringing?” Mikey asked.

“No idea,” Ray replied.

The rest of the ride to the venue was filled with the usual talk before the show. Both bands hurried inside and got settled into their dressing rooms.

(YN) had to run to grab some things for Garden of Woe, when she heard voices she didn’t recognize coming from the My Chem dressing room. She poked her head in and saw a couple of girls and a guy that she assumed to be Jake.

“Hey babe,” Frank said when he spotted her in the doorway, hurrying over and shutting the door behind him. “I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t know who Jake was bringing today, and I used to date one of those girls in there, Emily.”

“Oh,” (YN) was surprised. “Umm, why?”

Frank shrugged. “I dunno. But I wanna introduce you to Jake, he's awesome.”

“Sure,” (YN) replied, not entirely convinced she wanted to walk into that room.

Frank took her hand and gave her a smile before walking in with her. “Hey guys, this is (YN), (YN) this is Jake, Emily, and Becky.”

(YN) nodded and smiled while saying hello to them. “I'd love to stay and hang out but I gotta get this stuff to my band, I'll see you later,” she said turning to Frank as he leaned in and gave her a kiss before leaving with a wave to everyone.

The band and their friends went back to socializing, but Frank felt like he had eyes on him. After ignoring the feeling as long as he could, he glanced up and noticed Emily was looking at him, and then getting up and coming over to him.

“Frank, why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?”

“Because I don’t tell you anything,” he replied, annoyed.

“She's cute. I want to be happy for you, but I can’t. I want to smile but I can’t."

“That's your problem,” Frank muttered.

“Is it?” Emily asked.

~

(YN) sighed as she carried the box of merch Garden of Woe signed back to the merch booth at the front of the venue. As she hurried down the hall, she realized she was approaching the dressing room where Frank was hanging out. She slowed down, planning to wave at Frank, or whoever’s eye she could catch.

But what she saw made her gasp and in a moment her heart broke in two. She adjusted her grip on the box and started running down the hall, hoping no one would see her crying.

~

Frank had dumped Emily years before. She was clingy and not a very interesting person. He knew his friends were still friends with her, but he was annoyed that they agreed to bring her along to the show.

He had been dismissing everything she said, but he could still feel her eyes on him. Frank turned to look at her, eyes narrowed, ready to tell her to get lost once and for all, when suddenly she was coming at him, grabbing his face and pulling his lips to hers.

Frank panicked and pushed back at Emily. “What the fuck was that?!” He snapped, jumping up.

“Just taking back what’s mine,” she replied coyly.

“Stay the fuck away from me,” he muttered before leaving the room.

~

(YN) dropped off the box then hurried back down the hall. She had to get out of there, hide, leave, something. She glanced up and saw Ray coming her way. She looked down again, hoping he didn’t notice her.

"Please don't see me crying," (YN) muttered, wiping furiously at the tears streaking down her cheeks as she sniffled.

"Oh shit, (YN) are you ok?" Ray asked once he got close enough to see her face.

"Yea, no, I'm fucking fantastic," (YN) said rolling her eyes.

"What happened?" Ray asked pulling her in for a hug.

"I don't want to create problems with your band."

"Wait, did one of the guys do something to you? Was it Bob? One of the roadies?"

"No," she sniffled and weighed what she was about to say in her mind but decided to come out with it. "I saw Frank kissing Emily."

Ray's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "No, that isn't right. He is crazy about you! There's no way he would just throw that all away on her! He dumped her!"

(YN) shrugged. "I saw what I saw. I just wanna get back to work tonight, and then I'm gonna catch the next flight home tomorrow. I'll just tell them I had a family emergency." With that, she hurried into the Garden of Woe dressing room, where she hid the rest of the night.

~

The next afternoon when the tour rolled into town, (YN) stood outside the arena waiting for the taxi she called to come pick her up, her bag at her feet. She warily looked at the darkening clouds above her and thought how well they matched her mood: utterly heartbroken. No one questioned her family emergency story until word finally reached Frank.

"That's bullshit," Frank muttered when he heard (YN) was leaving. He had been riddled with guilt since Emily kissed him, and he had a feeling the reason (YN) was leaving was related. She had been avoiding him and he couldn't think of any other reason why she would. He immediately started asking around if anyone knew where (YN) was until one of the roadies said he saw her heading toward the side of the arena, behind the busses.

Frank ran outside, first checking the busses, before hurrying outside the back fence surrounding the arena property. Then he spotted her, shoulders slouched in defeat, picking at her nails absentmindedly, waiting for her ride.

"(YN)!" He called and she looked up. Even from a distance he could see the tears in her eyes. "Why didn’t you tell me you had a family emergency?" He asked as he ran up.

"It’s no one's business but mine," she replied coldly.

"(YN), don't lie," he replied, calling her bluff.

"You first," she snapped back.

Frank let his head hang, running his hand through his hair. "I know what you said about being cheated on before, but it wasn't what it looked like. Emily caught me off guard. She kissed me and I pushed her off! I didn't kiss her back! Please (YN), I was going to tell you, but you've been avoiding me, and now you're trying to leave," he said dejectedly.

"I'm not trying to leave Frank, I am leaving." As if on cue, the dark clouds overhead opened up and a cold rain started to fall on the pair.

"(YN), don't go," Frank pleaded. "We can go talk inside."

"I don't want to talk to you Frank!" She shouted back. "We were gonna be something, we were gonna last! Now I just want to hate you!"

"(YN) don't say that," Frank's voice cracked and he was thankful for the rain, hiding the tears now streaming down his face as well.

Seeing Frank breaking down put a crack into the ice that had surrounded her heart. "Tell me you know what's it's like to have a broken heart."

"I do now," he replied, looking up at her. "I want you to stay, but if you can't, just know I'm so sorry that you had to see that, that it even happened. And that I'll still love you."

With that Frank turned and went back into the arena. He pulled off his wet t shirt and pulled on a sweatshirt but left the hood up so no one could see his face. Everyone knew something was wrong And they expected him to be sad (YN) was leaving, but the level of sulking was unexpected.

"Hey, you ok?" Gerard asked after they were done.

"Leave me alone," Frank grumbled as he pushed past him and stalked to the dressing room.

"Hey, Frank," he didn't stop when he heard Liam calling behind him. "Frank!"

"What?" He barked at the singer when he finally turned around.

"You know (YN) is like a sister to me, so I checked in with her family to see if there is anything I could do to help with the emergency, and they didn't even know she was coming home. So what did you do to her?"

"Fuck you," Frank snapped back, shoving Liam. "I didn't even do anything and now the best person in my fucking life is gone!"

Frank stormed past Liam and out of the arena. He ran back to the spot where (YN) had been waiting, but it was empty. He slowly walked back to the bus, not even caring that his sweatshirt was getting soaked. All he wanted was to get some peace and quiet in his bunk before he'd get called on stage. He didn't want to perform. He didn't want to be in front of a crowd. He wanted (YN) here for him to wrap his arms around, to hold close, to tell her how much he loves her. He walked up the stairs into the bus and pushed back the hood on his sweatshirt and noticed a light was on. He groaned internally and looked up to see who was invading his so badly needed privacy.

"(YN)," he gasped.

"I don't want to go, I don't want to hate you. I want to tell you how much I love you, even if it hurts," she said, her voice cracking. “I just hated so badly the idea of you leaving me that I just decided to leave first,” she said wiping away another tear.

"I never want to hurt you ever again," he replied just as quietly, as if speaking louder than a whisper would cause something to break. “I love you more than anything.”

Frank took a step toward her and tentatively reached out his hand, taking hers. When she didn’t pull away, he took another step toward her and she wrapped her arms around him, sobs shuddering through her body as he held her close.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry,” he kept whispering as he pressed kisses against her wet hair. He couldn’t help the tears that were falling from his own eyes.

Soon (YN)’s sobs began to quiet, and she pulled back to look up at Frank. “This has been like the worst 24 hours of my life,” she said with a sad laugh.

“Me too,” he replied. “But you’re gonna stay, right? We're gonna figure it out?”

“Yea, I wanna be right here,” she answered before looking up at him. Words failing him, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers and held her tight.

[theclaravoyant]

musings on the evolution of bisexuality in sitcoms and being treated “like a joke”

Not to open up old cans of worms, but for my video project I was thinking about the subject of Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place) and various opinions about her bisexuality, the status of it canon-wise, and in particular the feelings amongst some of the fandom (and non-fandom) that it is treated “like a joke.” I have heard similar things about Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn 99) as well regarding the latter point and so that worked its way in, and soon enough this ended up sort of turning into a short ish essay. I’m not really trying to argue a particular point, but merely reflect on some things, and I hope you don’t mind I thought I’d share my musings. It boils down to being laughed at vs being laughed with, which I get to below the cut after a brief exposition (I have some Thoughts)

Note: I am not looking to get into an argument with anyone, and I’m not saying this is the be all and end all answer to rep, but if you wanted to share some thoughts, add on, etc, you’re welcome to do so.

Note II: Just for clarity’s sake, non-LGBT+ people are welcome to interact if you would like to do so.

I must admit, moving back to the topic of Eleanor for a minute, I resonate with some of those feelings I outlined above. For example, I don’t particularly care for the fact that we have never seen her engage in an abiding romantic or even sexual relationship with a woman, whereas her romance with Chidi has been rebooted over and over and is consistently the outcome. It grates on me a bit that in a universe which has been rebooted upward of 4 different times that we have seen (and approx 300 other times shoved into a few minutes) this is the outcome every time. Why not explore another option for a season? I love Cheleanor, don’t get me wrong, and the constant rebooting annoys me from that perspective as well not just the f/f perspective, but in terms of sapphic rep and also considering how often bisexuality is exploited and misrepresented by heteronormative storytellers (eg the tropes “Bi the Way” and “Not Too Bi”), it really sucks.

Edit: I deleted a paragraph here that had some examples I had misremembered and was rushing through. Shockingly writing up a train of thought on a bus leads to some inaccuracies and skipping over of valuable debates. Instead, I will say that I don’t mean by the above, that m/f bi attraction is not real and valuable. It certainly is. What is a pain in the ass in my opinion - and in the opinion of a lot of the bi people I know before anyone comes at me with that again - is when bisexuality is only used to make a character interesting, sexy or rebellious, while still only representing the m/f side of things because that is easier/more comfortable/etc for heteronormative writers and viewers to portray and invest in.

THAT SAID, back to my actual point. I think we (particularly we who are LGBT+ ourselves) are also very accustomed to seeing LGBT+ characters in dramas, where bad things happen and there’s angst and death and gnashing of teeth. I think this being the norm leads us to freak out a bit and not necessarily know how to actually handle positive, happy rep in which we ourselves, our identities, are taken seriously. We are so used to either being a tragedy or being laughed at (rather than with) that it is extremely unsettling to experience what I would call a dawning new era of being respected in sitcoms - including The Good Place, Brooklyn 99, One Day at a Time, and I’m sure there are others as well.

It’s not surprising, with this skittishness trained into us, that some people interpret the treatment of Eleanor’s bisexuality as being a joke. I’m also not saying this knee-jerk reaction is the only reason; again, I’m not saying my thoughts & feelings on this are the be all and end all of rep. I am just saying that it was a major reason why I was uncomfortable at first: it is extremely hard to trust people to joke around about us, and our identities, and especially with the added element of the unique hypersexualisation of bisexual f/f attraction. But recently I’ve been rewatching some older and less progressive, less inclusive sitcoms and in comparison, it becomes very clear, the difference between being the butt of the joke (laughed at) or being part of a joke (laughed with). It might help - not just with Eleanor, but with others too - to give some examples:

In Friends, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe, only use the idea of f/f attraction when they want to get the boys’ attention, distract them, win bets, or the like. They are successful in this explicitly because the men find this idea so ridiculously, mind-bogglingly sexy that they can’t think. Yet NONE of these main characters are ever revealed to have an actual, serious attraction to girls; none of them express it outside of the direct goal of getting male attention. Similarly, in How I Met Your Mother, Lily’s repeated expression of a desire to kiss a girl is put down to her artistic nature and rebelliousness, and is repeatedly called “so stupid”, and again, is only used to get male attention (to wake up Barney). When she finally kisses Robin, it goes away (bi experiment trope), and it is implied that ~lol~ after all that Robin might actually want more, but that is then left hanging and never revisited again. There are heaps more, I could go on, but these are all examples of being laughed at. 

Compared to these sorts of jokes, let us reflect on Eleanor again. Jokes around her sexuality include: being so attracted to her female nemesis that Eleanor can’t insult her profusely without starting to compliment her, and being so attracted to her boyfriend’s girlfriend that in a simulation where she plays him, she goes to kiss the girlfriend instead of her assigned goal, which was to break up. If this sounds more like #relatable sapphic content than a dismissive joke, that’s because it is. These jokes could not happen without Eleanor’s attraction to women, that is true, but the attraction itself is not the joke. The joke lies in Eleanor’s reactions to the attraction as a messy, funny, sexually driven human. In this way, her bisexuality forms part of the joke, but it is paired up with her other personality traits as a comedy character to be laughed with. Similarly, with Rosa Diaz, her stunned moment upon seeing Alicia is funny because it is an example of what we in the biz of gay ass blogging sometimes refer to as “useless lesbian brain” (or in this case “useless bi brain”). It’s cute because the love interest is a girl and because Terry is hyper-enthusiastic that it’s a girl. It wouldn’t work as well as a joke if it was not a girl, and heteronormativity is almost definitely the reason for that, but the point still stands that the bisexuality itself is not the joke, it’s the way she responds to it: it’s the fact that Rosa Diaz, usually so suave and in control, loses the ability to Can. Terry’s overly enthusiastic allyship is also funny, but mostly to people who have experienced overly enthusiastic allyship ie the LGBT+ audience.

(To add one final example: I am not aware of ANY male bi rep in older sitcoms, which kinda speaks for itself, but in the more modern ones we have characters such as Darryl Whitefeather (Crazy Ex Girlfriend). One of the biggest jokes around his sexuality is his coming out as “both-sexual!!” Once again, the joke is not the bi attraction itself, but rather, in the fact that lol this pour bi soul didn’t know the word for it! Another example imo of being laughed with).

I know I’m not saying all that much new here. Probably nothing new, to some people. I also know I’m not addressing every joke or facet of bi or LGBT+ rep even in the shows I’ve just listed. I’m not trying to, I mean none of us have all century. I just think it’s important to highlight what I feel is usually quite a strong difference between being laughed at and being laughed with, and that was the main idea of this post. It’s definitely not always as simple as the examples I’ve outlined above (eg. some of the Eleanor jokes are similar to jokes made in Pitch Perfect, in which I would say it’s about being laughed at), but I am just trying to put some words to some of my thought process on this sort of thing, particularly as I rewatch Friends and think about how far we’ve come with it!

One final time, because people in my inbox don’t seem to get it, I am not claiming to be ‘correct’. This is just an aspect of my feelings and opinions. I am also not trying to ‘speak over’ people who actually ID as bi; in fact, it was bi people saying ‘why can’t you let us have funny things’ that actually opened my eyes to a more comfortable bi-friendly interpretation of the treatment of Eleanor’s sexuality in the first place. I’m not trying to say “this is good rep, actually,” or “this is bad rep, actually.” As I said above, I think it’s both, and I think it’s more complicated than that, and most importantly, I am not actually trying to change anyone’s mind. If you resonate with this? Cool. If not, that’s fine. It’s my thoughts, my opinion. It’s not fact and I don’t want to tell anyone how to feel especially about their own rep.

With that in mind, if anyone is interested in chatting with me more about this sort of thing (by which I do not mean harassing me about it) or asking me what I mean by certain things, or for writing advice, or whatever, you’re welcome to do so - this is just the tip of the iceberg! I just wanted to put this out there in the world for whatever purposes it might come to. Thanks for reading!