#v: gotta clone em all

[talesfrommedinastation]

My Redneck Neighbor Doug has watched The Bad Batch Season 3 opener:

LEEEEET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

This is more pithy than normal: Doug's been busy with work, as have I. But I'm determined to hear his thoughts on The Daddy Warcrimes 'n Company so here we go!

These were all via text messages, btw.

CW: Doug Doug's as you know Doug will do. Away!

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Episode 1: 'Little Orphan Blondie's Shit Internship at The Museum of Science and Industry'

Poor Little Orphan Blondie, stuck in The Museum of Science and Industry in a shit summer job because they got bills to pay. Except they got rid of the dinosaurs and walk in heart and filled it with gross shit.

Hey look, they still got the coal mine exhibit! Man I miss Chicago.

(Doug, that museum has never had dinosaurs. “What, since when?”)

MUTANT JIMMERS EVERYWHERE! Aw, Little Orphan Blondie gave one her chicken nuggets! And it’s shy, aw, I hope it’s okay.

Poor Mutant Jimmers…she named her?! Swear to Christ Almighty if that dog gets Old Yeller’d I’ll just lose it. 

That freaky alien thing that ran the mall on the ocean looks sad, I bet she wishes she fell into the water and got eaten by a shark or something. I wish you did too, lady. 

The Sons of Robocop really are everywhere, they must be a cult or something. They look cool, I’d join, why not. Think they get 401ks?

Oh man, Daddy Warcrimes is down bad. Poor Daddy Warcrimes. Man, all my clone boys are stooped and sad…this ain’t good. 

At least Little Orphan Blondie can craft! Man, she should start selling those at the Museum of Science and Industry’s gift shop. Maybe Tarkin can bring one back for the grandchildren he’s not allowed to talk to since the restraining order was put in.

Oh, there’s Stepsister Beth, she seems on edge. Must’ve gotten divorced recently, don’t blame her ex, I bet she screamed at him for leaving cabinets open who knows. How do her eyeballs not hurt after wearing those dumb glasses all day?

Episode 2: 'Night Elves and Neverland Ranch'

The night elves from Warcraft invaded Star Wars and got horns or something and now they have a castle that looks like a boss level in Diablo IV or V or how many Diablo games they got now.

Now they yelling at people and throwing them in the basement today. Makes sense, gotta fight the orcs and stuff. Think they fight the orcs in the basement?

The Night Elf Horned Queen hired Daddy Rambo and Julio to get people, I guess they’re turning into Boba Fett or something. They got her son's horn back, guess that's good. Oh they need new paint jobs on their armor.

Do they end up in the basement in the Diablo Boss Level? No? And off they go! 

Daddy Rambo and Julio are in their homeland of FLORIDA! Hell yeah, SPACE FLORIDA! And they’re bringing the talking trashcan with them using straps! Go Julio go!  Yeah, boa vines, this is TOTALLY the Everglades! 

Escaped clone boys! Oh man! Shit, is Neverland Ranch in the jungle? Oh man–oh, they know what they’re doing. Good kids. Real good kids. Oh what happened to the rest of them? Oh Meat Muffin, this ain't good :(.

You know what? Them clone boys are smart, take it back, this ain’t Space Florida, this is Space Louisiana! Them baby boys gone get feral and run off into the bayou and live in the caves and now you know my origin story, Meat Muffin! 

If this was Florida they'd just end up working the late shift at Zaxby's and smoking rocks in the parking lot. We know better, we French and all.

I bet they’ve been living on nutria and half-empty chicken boxes from behind the gas stations. Resourceful scrappy kids and I can tell its making Daddy Rambo proud.

Oh holy SHIT, there go them vines! It's like the kudzu all over again, maybe this is LaFourche Parish?

See, them boys are definitely white trash, Mandalorian rednecks. Look at em, living in the woods and hijacking a plane, but they good kids, saving their brothers. Even saved the robot too. 

Man, all the feels, them poor little boys. What will they do now?  Oh, they're going to Space Daytona! Good, wait, I saw the trailer, doesn't the Empire invade it? THIS AIN'T GOOD MEAT MUFFIN!!!

Wait...where's Toaster Strudel and Rex?

Episode 3: 'Blondie Got a Gun'

Well here's the Emperor. He wants to be immortal. Gotta make that other movie make sense or something.

Where's Darth Vader? Is he running the government when the Emperor is running around giggling?

Don’t you DARE kill Mutant Jimmers, you damn droid. I hate that ugly assed stupid thing. It looks like its scarecrow daddy fucked a microwave and then left it enough money to go to Planned Parenthood but instead spent it on crack and there ya go.  

Oh shut your goddamned yap, Jimmy the Scientist. I bet he gloves that hand up because he keeps shoving it up his own ass and that's why he walks funny all the damn time.

The Emperor also has a Diablo IV or VIII boss level all to himself too at the Museum of Science and Industry. How many Diablo games are there, Meat Muffin?

YEAH, LITTLE ORPHAN BLONDIE! GIT ER DONE!!! They're out! Oh wow! There she goes with Daddy Warcrimes! Kill em all and let GOD SORT THEM OUT! That's my GIRL!!!!

Blondie’s got a gun 

Blondie’s got a gun

Her whole world's come undone

Shooting droids is FUN!

GO MUTANT JIMMERS GO!!!! 

YEAH BLONDIE DADDY WARCRIMES AND MUTANT JIMMERS!!!!!!

I AIN'T A BULLS FAN BUT REPEAT THE THREE PEAT! YEAH!!!!!!

....so when we gonna get Toaster Strudel and Rex? Next one? Where's my reg boys?!

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Tagging those who missed my Cajun neighbor. LOOKS LIKE REDNECK DOUG IS BACK ON THE MENU, BOYS!

@skellymom @amalthiaph @eyecandyeoz @cdblake1565 @sued134 @merkitty49 @supremechancellorrex @yeehawgeek @wrenkenstein @techs-stitches @deezlees @autistic-artistech @perfectlywingedcrusade @auntie-venom @megmca @thecoffeelorian

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

TBB S2 EP 11: Metamorphosis

right from the get go already looks like cliché horror film intro (this initially made me dislike the ep, mainly bc we have too many bad horror films playing at the cinema where I work rn, but dw I came around)

the music was actually chillingly different than usually and continued into the scene in which Dr. Hamlock was introduced. I liked that, but in a bad way

the closeup on his hand confirms that the Zillo Beast ate it, no this is not up for discussion, Zillo Beast had himself a treat

I'm kinda coming around on Nala Se, ngl

Also for as uneasy Dr. Hamlock makes me, I feel like we're finally getting a high-quality villain on TBB and I'm here for it

BAD BATCH TELLING CID OFF BAD BATCH TELLING CID OFF BAD BATCH TELLING CID OFF

HUNTER WANTING TO CUT CID OFF HUNTER WANTING TO CUT CID OFF HUNTER WANTING TO CUT CID OFF

Cid, being a huge dick:

Me:🤨🤨🖕🖕🖕

I like watching Wrecker show off how smart he is. He knows all the weapons and how to use 'em. Yes. :D.

"Whatever did this wasn't human." <- I find that an interesting sentence, considering this is Star Wars. If this was a show that took place on earth, somewhere where it was unlikely for an animal to be, that line would've been chilling. In Star Wars? Not so much. Humans are only one of many species in that galaxy and while I do believe that clones = humans, via star wars lore, that doesn't apply. Clones are classified as their own species, meaning technically they aren't human. I'm probably over thinking this but whatever, the line struck me as oddly placed

"By yourself?" "Your concern is not warranted. I will be fine." <- ok, Tech ik you got the whole cool, logical, I-know-what-I'm-doing-vibe going on, but I gotta tell you, the person who says that in horror films dies first.

OFC THE MEDICAL EQUIPMENT IS KAMINOAN FCK

everytime tech checked what's going on in the hallway I yelled "nO" at him. and then he did it anyway. rude.

The second we first saw it I realised it was the Zillo. I've been wondering when/if it would ever come up again, since the Chancellor did order for it to be cloned when the og episodes aired and then we never saw it again, so the arc felt incomplete.

BUT I LOVED THE ZILLO BEAST ARC SO THIS MADE ME V HAPPY AND V SCARED AND I KNOW IT'S NOT CANON BUT CAN THE ZILLO BEAST PLS GO EAT PALPATINE NOW??? IT DESERVES A TREAT!!!!

Hunter grabbing Omega to protect her from the beast 🥺

Tech's slow "Fascinating." followed by his "Take cover."???? sir u already had me, u didn't need to go harder

Wrecker grabbing Omega to protect her from the explosion🥺

Tech casually causing the explosion

"It ate the crew?" MY POOR BABY

"I can help. I know my way around Kaminoan tech." hmmm omega tryna stay out of the fight? she scared? hmmm Tech whatcha do???

Omega being better with Kaminoan tech than Tech and him just going with it and trusting her expertise. Yes. :D

idk where the "Zillo Beast feeds on energy" thing came from bc that wasn't part of the original arc and kinda threw me off, but alright, they needed a reason for it to grow real fast, I'll take it

they're already fighting the beast and then the empire shows up hhhhhhhh whyyyyyyy

omega just casually pulling the plug on tech's research, I love her

Tech grabbing Omega to protect her from the explosion 2.0 🥺

yes, hello, I'd like to inform you all again that I hate the empire, thank you

Tech allowing Hunter to keep flying even though he is the designated pilot and clearly very skilled. Just shows how much he trusts his leader and brother to keep them save. Love that :))

When the Commandos began rounding up the villagers I immediately knew what it meant and GAH HONSLTY WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS

The Empire only destroyed Kamino to control cloning, not to end it, hm? surprise surprise (these fcking motherfckers i swear)

"Send the data to Echo and Rex. See what they can find out."

....

........

............

YES HUNTER YES SEND THEM THE DATA YES GO WORK WITH ECHO AND REX AND SAVE THE GALAXY YES LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

end of the ep confirms yet again that Dr. Hamlock is a bag of dicks :)

Prime Minister said f you and I'm here for it

and then he brought up Omega and I was not here for it anymore

finally the music during the last shot makes me think that this facility is going to come up again and it will likely be very traumatic and horrible and terrible and um ya. sucks man.

gonna tag @jealous-sloth77 and @saturn-sends-hugs bc I'd love to see their thoughts too :))

[representshinjuku]

Smash It!!

(Note: This song contains spoilers for FP v MTC.)

[Samatoki, Gentaro, & Dice]

Smash it!! Let’s destroy it–

Smash it!! That obvious fake

We’ll wipe that fake smile off your face

Smash it (Smash it) Smash it (Smash it)

Smash it!! Let’s destroy it–

Smash it!! That obvious fake

That mask of yours is nothing but creepy

Smash it (Smash it) Smash it (Smash it)

[Jyuto & Rio]

Smash it!! Let’s destroy it–

Smash it!! Let’s cross borders

We won’t die so easy, better be prepared

We’re not falling to anyone

Smash it!! Let’s destroy it–

Smash it!! Let’s cross the borders

We’ll resist to the ends of our lives

Smash it (Smash it) Smash it (Smash it)

[Dice]

Yeah, a pinch like this’s just the best

There’s no greater thrill than this

Disadvantage fires me up, that’s how I roll

I never give up on a battle ‘til I win

No matter who I’ve gotta fight,

I’ll beat ‘em down for my friends

I’m the real thing, on a different level

I’ll make you understand that, better get ready

[Gentaro]

Fakes and illusions, insults and lies

Compared to me you are nothing but an amateur

With both my fingertips and refined tongue

Against me you stand no chance

Our victory will be utterly complete 

With Dice at my side we play the odds

It’s far too late to regret your actions

Your voices are scattered, brittle and weak

[Gentaro]

You simply could never understand

Try all your life but you would never understand

The vessel is the same but the contents are different

Our bonds are not in the shape of us

The times we’ve shared, the words we’ve exchanged–

Our experiences are what’s made us friends

A story written by us three

Imitate the shape but it cannot compare

[Dice]

Bonds between friends are unique

Our relationship is unique

Annoying as hell when all you’ve got is his face

You’re the real piece of junk here, fuck off already!

You can’t ever imitate him

That’s something y’all could never do

Together we three’re gonna prove this now:

You could never be him!

[Ramuda clone]

I know how this’ll end, give it up now

You’re at your limit, gonna break into tears

With a snap I’ll break your pride and power,

You’ve done enough, now say good night!

I’ll sing you your lullaby

You have nowhere left to run

No matter how hard you tried

None of my plans have changed at all

[Samatoki]

Ramuda’s a piece of junk? Hell yeah he is

You’re not wrong about that

He pisses me off, he’s annoying as hell

But he’s nowhere near as bad as you

I can’t stand your bad attitude

I ain’t gonna forgive you when you bow before me

He ain’t a cockroach bastard like you

So don’t pretend you’re like him

[Ramuda clone]

You’d take his side over mine?

That’s some real halfhearted talk

Playing at friendship disgusts me

It’s fake and gross, so bye-bye

[Samatoki]

You’re the fake, gross one here you trash

Shut the fuck up already

Friendship? Ramuda? Who gives a shit

You’re the one who pissed me off 

You picked a fight with Yokohama

That’s I started your ten count

Regret it all you want, you’re dying now

Apologize if you want, but I ain’t forgiving you

[Ramuda clone]

I’m going to be the one that survives!

I don’t care if I’m fake or not! 

Of course a piece of junk’s gonna break

I’m always standing at the top

Friendship is nothing but lies

Even if you have them, nothing changes

Weaklings are the ones that swarm

I’m ending this here!

[Samatoki]

Ha? Listen up, stupid, remember this

We don’t need fakes, remember this

Breaking through the enemy lines

I’m the real thing here!

Don’t think you can face me

And still escape with your life, dumbass!

I shut up the fakes

I’m Samatoki-sama, you fuckin’ idiot!

[defectivevorta-and-changeling]

Type Matchup [closed starter]

Weyoun 6 stuck out like a sore thumb. While the station was full of different Pokemon, different types, they were mainly populated with Grass, Fire, and Normal types. There were exceptions of course, like the Bisharp Captain Sisko, and Gardevoir Jadzia Dax, but generally speaking their typings were the minority. Weyoun was an Espeon. A proud Espeon who served the Domininon loyally, until his sixth clone. It was only thanks to Odo that he had even escaped with his life.

Now, he was the only Espeon on the station. The scar at the base of his right ear was a telltale sign of who he once was. Who he once served. Weyoun could sense how the Bajorans looked at him, how the Starfleet officers looked at him. He knew they hated him and feared him, because of the rest of his line. He tried not to let it bother him. After all, he could easily defend himself, as long as they weren’t a Dark type.

That was why, when he sensed a Dark type watching him, he felt his fur stand on end. He looked around, trying to find the other Pokemon, but he couldn’t see any Dark types around. Weyoun felt uneasy, and tried to make his way to Quark’s. While the Meowth’s bar was crowded, it was safer there. No one could attack him there without making a scene... unfortunately, a scene seemed to be just what a Bajoran was looking for. The Fletchinder was clearly intoxicated, as he wrapped a wing around Weyoun’s shoulders to keep him from leaving.

“Well, lookie here, if it isn’t the Dominion’s butcher himself! Which one are you again? Seven or eight?” Weyoun cringed from the harsh tone, looking away from the irate fire bird. “I’m the sixth... and I am not like that anymore.” “Nonsense, everyone knows you Vorta never change. How long do you think you’re going to keep Sisko fooled? Dominion scum.” Weyoun’s attempt to squirm away was thwarted with a quick Ember at his feet, and his anxiety grew. Once again, he looked around, this time searching for help than for a hidden stalker.

[catracorner962]

Karaoke

I promise I can write something that’s pure fluff. See?! 

In the newly renovated Fright Zone, the gang is having a party. Catra and Glimmer duet Shaggy. Catra has a surprise. --- AJ Michalka has a phenomenal voice and covers "Warriors" on the SheRa soundtrack. She does this in character as Catra and even says "Hey Adora," at the end, what else did you expect me to do with that except come up with an excuse for Catra to sing this for Adora? I'm sure this has been done before this is just my take. Also whenever I hear "Wasn't Me," or "Angel," by Shaggy I imagine Glimmer and Catra getting drunk and singing it.

Adora brought a hand to her nose, trying to cover her snorting laughter. Besider her Bow swayed in time to the music. Light flashed from above blue and pink.

“HA!!”

Adora couldn’t stop herself, exploding into a fit of giggles, nearly toppling the cocktail in her hand. Nearly sending pink liquid all over her white pants and halter top.

On the stage, her girlfriend and her best friend sang like they hadn’t a care in the world.

“How could I forget that I had given her an extra key? All this time she was standing there she never took her eyes off me!”

Glimmer sang into the mic, her purple leather skirt sparkling in the stage lights.

“Wooow! Yeah Glimmer!” Bow cheered, he took another sip of his beer. More delicately then anyone else around them and probably the only one with a modicum of sobriety left. All around them people sang along, swaying and trying to dance.

“To be a true player you have to know how to play!” Catra sang, winking at Adora from her place on the stage. Her hair had grown out again in the year after the war. Already falling just beyond her shoulders. Adora took a sip of her drink to conceal the blush rising in her cheeks.

“ To be a true player you have to know how to play, if she stay a night, convince her stay a day, Never admit to a word when she say. And if she claim, ah, you tell her, "Baby, no way"

“But she caught me on the counter!” Glimmer’s voice cracked but she kept going,  

“It wasn’t me!” Catra leaned forward into the mic.

“Saw me banging on the sofa!” Glimmer laughed, leaning in to meet Catra halfway.

“It wasn’t me!”

“I even had her in the shower!”

“They’re not bad,” Bow admitted whispering in Adora’s ear. The blonde nodded, pulling a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. Catra had convinced her to wear it down for once.

“Saw the marks on my shoulder!” Glimmer and Catra sang in unison. Catra unsheathed her claws in flash, winking again, this time a little more suggestively at her girlfriend in the audience. Cheers erupted throughout the bar, an eager welcome Adora thought, her chest warming. To have Catra greeted with rounds of applause rather than boos and hisses and threats.

“ Honey came in and she caught me red-handed, creeping with the girl next door, picture this, we were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom floor. I had tried to keep her from what she was about to see, why should she believe me when I told her it wasn't me.”

Glimmer and Catra belted through the mic. It was all Adora could do not to transform into Shera. Just the sight of seeing Catra in the limelight, black pants held up by suspenders, her white shirt open just a tad too loose. She took a swig of her whisky mid chorus and continued to sing.

“I have to hand it to Scorpia and Perfuma; they've really done wonders with the Fright Zone,” Bow mused. He clapped along to the music and finished his drink.

“They sure have!” Adora answered, finally turning her attention from the stage. “Glad they were able to renovate the place into a karaoke bar. Somewhere in the distance Mermista’s groan could be heard, Adora turned. Seahawk and the water princess sat at one of the tables, the pirate’s eyes wide with amazement at the flaming martini set down before him.

“Should I….?” Adora made a b-line towards their table. Mermista flunk out her hand, a spray of water dousing the flames.

“Just drink it,” she groaned to Seahawk’s evident dismay. Adora bit back a grin. It had been awhile since they’d been able to just kickback and relax, indulge even. Post-war meant bringing magic to all the galaxy. Which meant traveling around, squashing the last of Prime’s brotherhood. Plus meetings after meetings and much needed reconciliation between Catra, Entrapta, Wrong Hordak, Scorpia and everyone else. It had been trying and difficult and the work was far from finished. But tonight, tonight was a chance to simply let loose.

“Honey came in and she caught me red-handed, creeping with the girl next door, picture this, we were both butt-naked, banging on the bathroom floor. How could I forget that I had, given her an extra key, All this time she was standing there, she never took her eyes off me!!” Glimmer and Catra finished in unison. Again cheers lifted from the crowd. Glimmer bowed, losing her balance until Catra caught her by the arm to steady her and they made their way down the stage.

“Wow, that was...wow,” Scorpia’s face nearly matched the color of her claws. “That was..I don’t think I understood half those words! But uhh next, next...we have...Perfuma! Who I’ve been told is going to do an...an interpretive dance called Ode to Rain, so that will be….uhh….fantastic.” Scorpia laughed nervously but clapped all the same while Perfuma seemingly floated up the stage.

“Hey!” Glimmer greeted Adora with a hug and Bow with a kiss.

“You were great!” Bow put his arm around her waist. “Who knew you and Catra could duet so well together!”

Glimmer laughed, full and hearty, accepting a glass of sparkling wine from Bow.

“Where is Catra?” Adora looked around the crowd. “I thought she came down with you?”

“She said she had to get ready for something,” Glimmer shrugged.

Adora nodded, trying to quell the bubble of anxiety that threatened to rise.

Catra would be fine, she can be left alone. She’s not a child. She’s perfectly capable.

Bodies pressed against Adora in the maylay of the crowd. Talking and drinking and laughing. The lights flashed all around them. Dizzying.

There’s so many people here….what if...there could be….threats. Some clone we forgot?

Someone wanting to take Catra down?

Adora forced herself to breathe, gripping her glass tight.

“Adora, you alright?” Glimmer touched her arm.

“Yes!” She smiled automatically, “I’m great!” She took a breath, eyes flicking upward as Perfuma left the stage.

Still no sign of Catra.

“It’s just...I worry sometimes...I worry about leaving Catra alone sometimes...what if there’s…”

Glimmer opened her mouth to respond when a cool light drifted across the crowd from above to the stage.

“Adora….you might want to…” Glimmer pointed. Adora followed her gaze, jaw nearly dropping to the floor. Silhouetted against the limelight a lone figure stood before the mic. The outline of someone wearing a tight fitting black dress that fanned out toward the bottom. Catra’s tail swished nervously behind her, ears flicking. She stepped forward, the high slit of her dress revealing one leg as she moved. The light illuminating her freckled face, mismatched eyes gleaming.

“Oh my….” Adora took the last sip of her drink. Beside her bow gasped. Even Glimmer’s eyes stared wide with shock. The hub-bub of the crowd died instantly, everyone holding their breath. Even Emily and Entrapta, who were observing in the corner, fell silent.

Catra’s shaky inhale of breath sounded through the mic throughout the bar. Adora waited, stunned. Taking in her girlfriend, the deep V of her dress, the way she shifted her weight. Then finally, after a mini-eternity, Catra’s eyes slipped close and her voice drifted out:

“We're warriors, unstoppable. We feel the evil coming, and shadows all around.”

She sang low and haunting, each word a melodic whisper. Goosebumps rose on Adora’s skin.

“Danger surrounds us, but won't bring us down. We're on the edge of greatness, turning darkness to liiightt,”

Her voice undulated and moved like the waves, the crowd beginning to hum. She opened her eyes, gold and blue sparkling in the light. Catra’s gaze looked through the throngs of people finally meeting Adora’s. The blonde felt her knees shake, she passed her glass to Glimmer without looking away. Catra smiled,

“We're right beside you, ready to fight. We must be strong! And we must be brave! We gotta find every bit of strength that we have and never let it go!”

“Wooo!! Yaaaah!!!” People exclaimed, clapping. Catra’s smile widened, she took the mic from it’s stand, now walking across the stage, tall and proud and brimming with pride. Adora’s cheeks ached, beaming with a smile. She too clapped along.

“We're bound to this struggle, with mighty sword and flame, we'll never fail you, when you call our name.”

She turned, again meeting Adora’s radiant face across the audience. Their eyes met, though Adora could hardly see her through a fog of tears pressing against her eyes. Her heart expanded so fast and full she thought it would explode. Catra too grinned with confidence, revealing pointed fangs. Her eyes dazzled, shoulders lifting as she sang, not once looking away from Adora.

“Together we'll be heroes, joining forces as one. Strong as the steel we carry, we rise like a su...uu...uu...un!”

She hit the note perfectly, the whole bar erupting into ecstatic joy.

“Yeah Horde Scum!” Glimmer fist pumped at the air, jumping up and down. Off to the side of the stage, Perfuma pat Scorpia on the shoulder through her tears.

“That’s my wildcat!”

Catra sang through another round of the chorus, parading back and forth. People reached out from below towards her, laughing and whooping.

“Cause we're warriors, we are unstoppable,nothing's gonna get in our way. We're gonna win in the end….”

Catra sang through the last chorus, coming to stand gracefully before the microphone stand once more.

“We're gonna reach inside, still together and fight and never let it go. We must be strong…” She finished with a flourishing whisper. Looking at Adora from her poised position stage, she blinked, slowly, her own voice cracking with emotion.

“Hey Adora.”

Tears streamed down Adora’s face, her heart hammering in her chest. She could feel herself glowing, transforming, this time brought on by pride and admiration for Catra. Catra who only sang in secret, in dark places, until now. Catra who had always deserved every bit of attention and affection and praise but never got it, until now. Catra who was so guarded who never let herself betray emotion or vulnerability, until now.

There was a white flash, people gasped, and Adora didn’t need to look down at herself to know she’d become Shera.

Catra climbed down from the stage with Scorpia’s assistance and made her way Adora, people parting for her instantly, cheering and clapping.

“Catra! Y...you! You’re…”

Catra’s lips cut off the rest of her sentence, pressing in a full deep kiss, nearly melting against Adora, well, Shera’s chest. Adora put her arms around her girlfriend holding her close, one hand to the small of her back. She had to control herself in public after all, though it was hard to do with her girlfriend looking so...so ravishingly gorgeous, so happy and exuberant. A new round of tears spilled down her cheeks.

“I knew you could sing,” she breathed, breaking the kiss only to press her forehead against Catra’s which required her to lean down a little more in this form. “But not...l...like that.”

Catra laughed, holding Adora’s hand to her face and leaning into her touch. The ruckus of people seemingly disappearing. The only thing that mattered, the center of her universe was already right in front of her.

“I love you,” Catra whispered.

“I love you too, so much.” Adora pulled her in for another kiss, the cheers escalating around them.

Catra rolled her eyes only to be shoved by Glimmer’s arms around her waist.

“Catra, where was that voice when we were singing?! I need to up my game!”

“That...that was beautiful Catra!” Bow wiped his eyes with his yellow jacket. “Absolutely beautiful.”

“Alright, alright Sparkles,” she pulled away from Adora’s hold. “Next time we do Angel by Shaggy I’ll be sure to really sing it with pathos, yeah? And take it easy Arrow Boy your gonna get snot all over your jacket.”

Glimmer only rolled her eyes but gave Catra a kiss on the cheek.

“Well next rounds on me Wildcat!” Scorpia announced happily clapping Catra across the back gently. This time Catra didn’t stiffen or bristle at the touch but smirked. A testament to how far she’d come in such a short time. Adora could hardly contain her emotion.

“You may regret that Scorp.”

The night continued on, Catra changed back into more comfortable pants and dress-shirt. Rogeilo sang...well..grunt roared some prolonged ballad that no one but Lonnie understood. Mermista and Seahawk performed no less than seven shanties. A curtin was set on fire by the third one. Frosta entertained with a series of impressive ice sculptures and Double Trouble, dramatic as they were, impressions that left everyone’s sides sore from laughter. Scorpia closed out the evening, singing a rendition of “Beautiful,”  by Christina Aguilera that had everyone, even Catra in tears by the end. Though Catra swore her eyes were she only  irritated by the bright lights.

Adora put her arms around Catra from behind, still having advantage of being in her Shera form. Muscular arms holding her girlfriend close in the dark of the crowd while Scorpia, sang her last few notes. Catra swayed in tandem, tail going around her girlfriend’s leg, she leaned her back against Shera’s broad torso and hummed. Adora planted a kiss on the crown of Catra’s head. The mark of the Heart of Etheria glowing against her chest. In the mass of folks and the company of friends, lights glowing and Catra content in her arms, sniffled happily through tears of joy.

They had indeed won in the end.

[littlemonstersau-blog]

The Feels Awaken, Part 3: A New Hope (for Friendship)

Written by @jkl-fff, illustrated by me

PART I - PART II [Interlude] - PART III - PART IV [Interlude] - PART V [FINAL] (you are here)

——————————————————————————————–

A new day dawned then waxed then began to wane, but Ford and Bill hardly noticed. A manic, obsessive energy (plus an unhealthy amount of coffee and sugar) kept them focused throughout their self-appointed task. Such is often the case for the kind of people who feel the need to write to right a wrong in the world. Not all heroes wear capes, after all; some wear turtlenecks and trenchcoats, some wear paper-based clones of teenage boys produced through unholy abominations of SCIENCE!.

… For that matter, not all heroes are particularly heroic; some are morally ambiguous straddlers of the line between antihero and antivillain, some are demonic chaos gods who (quite frankly) still wonder how in the 79 Hells they found themselves in this position.

In the end, though it did take more than the one night, they still finished in just over 16 hours. The plot outline came in at just over 18 pages, which they tidily stacked together on the table and declared to be more than adequate … before passing out on the carpet. Facefirst.

When Bill next regained consciousness, he was in his attic bed and morning light was streaming through the window. His mouth tasted like an abandoned prison for criminally insane chalk and his head felt like the internal turmoil of a buzzsaw having an existential crisis. It was a pain that was anything but hilarious; it was the sugared caffeine hangover equivalent of nuclear fallout … Mouthwash fixed the first problem. The second took an adult dosage of aspirin, a lot of water, and deliberate manipulation of many of the clonesuit’s normally automatic processes for a full eight minutes. And even then, not completely.

“Guess I can’t pilot one of these things through 36+ hours of no sleep on a gallon of coffee … Not if I wanna be able to still maneuver it the next day without crashing every ten feet into a wall or the floor, at least,” he grumbled to himself. “Major design flaw … Can’t believe they got evolutionarily approved for mass production with such weak durability …”

Downstairs in the kitchen, Stan greeted him jovially enough. “Stancakes are up, and so are you, it seems. How you feelin’ today?”

“Honestly, confused,” Bill graveled, his clonesuit throat still raw. “I can get longterm possession of a meatbag leading to me—y’know, the real me—developing emotions and physical cravings and other … gross, brain-mush junk like that. Neurochemistry is basically just an addictive habit, like how people respond to hearing the question ‘What is love?’—”

“Baby, don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me no more,” Stan mumbled automatically.

“Exactly. But what I don’t get is why the real me is also feeling this coffee and sugar hangover. No joke: I tried leaving my clonesuit to get away from it, but it followed me. How is that fair? And, yeah, existence isn’t fair,” Bill interjected before Stan automatically could. “But still …”

Like the benevolent and experienced sage he was (more or less), Stan chuckled to himself. Then, laying a companionable arm around Bill’s shoulders, he leaned in and whispered the truth as grimly as Death itself, “You can outrun your sins, but you can never outrun a hangover.”

“W-wha?”

“Some say if you never stop drinkin’, it’ll never catch up with you. But they are fools. Sooner or later, all things must sleep—sooner or later, all who drink must suffer.”

“Uh … K-kinda freakin’ me out here.” Bill tried to lean away, but Stan’s hold was inescapable. “And, just sayin’, I’m kinda responsible for making most of the 79 Hells as freaky as they are.”

“Heed my warning, child.”

“I’m heeding! I’m heeding! Elder Gods, Stan, the only one who’s supposed to give people nightmares around here is me …”

Straightening up, Stan went back to the stove to continue what passed for cooking with him. “Once you’re done eatin’, by the way, I gotta plate for you to take down to Ford. He prob’ly needs some food and water more ‘n you do.”

Between mouthfuls of food, Bill said, “Yeah, sure … You seen what we wrote, by the way?”

“Yeah. It’s not bad at all. I’d def’nitely go see movies like that. Might even pay my own money for it, too. Heh … Even Soos admitted the storylines are better. Haven’t seen him that downcast ‘bout anything in a while, either. Looked as painful for him as cutting out his own kidney. Might have to do something nice for him soon just to make up for it,” Stan added to himself.

“Huh … Yeah, maybe …” Bill chewed on his breakfast, almost starting to maybe feel guilty. Then, when he finished, he put his dishes in the sink, picked up what was meant for Ford, and took it down to the lab.

Ford, as usual, was at his desk. He was hunched over with a pen, which was also fairly usual. However, and this was very unusual, all his notes and Journals had been pushed into a corner—neatly stacked, but well out of the way. Close to hand, as if for quick reference, was actually their Cosmos Conflicts storyline.

Bill cleared his throat. “Brought some breakfast for ya from Stan.” He set it on the desk, but away from any of the papers (just in case). “How you feeling? I woke up with a caffeine hangover I couldn’t escape even when I left my body. Er, clonsuit. Whatever. Same dif.”

“… I didn’t really sleep very deeply,” Ford eventually replied, his voice as hoarse as Bill’s. “Ergo, I can’t really say I woke up with such a hangover, but I’m suffering one all the same.”

“Yeesh, that sucks. Taken anything? Had some water and some food? That helped me.”

“Some water and aspirin, yes, though I’m not sure I could keep much food down … I suppose I ought to try, anyway.”

“If you feel more rotten than a two-week-old apple core, why are you working?” Bill asked, sliding the plate closer.

“I’m not really working, per se,” Ford answered guiltily. “Just … sketching. Some stuff. For what we came up with.”

Bill’s eyes lit up with interest. “Ooo! Really? Can I see? Please?”

For a moment, Ford’s jaw worked. As though trying to control himself.

“It’s okay,” Bill said hurriedly, though unable to fully contain his disappointment. “I get it. I’ll leave you al—”

A couple pages’ worth of images (some rough sketches, some little more than absent doodles, and some rather intricate and detailed) were thrust at the Demon. “Here. Can’t see any harm in you looking at them, anyway, so …” Ford mumbled. Without looking up, he cut in to his food. “Was just doing this since I’m too awake and restless to just not do anything, but too … wooly in the head, I suppose you could say, to do any productive work.”

Bill poured over them, delighting in the imaginative whimsy of them. Most were of characters from the prequels, though with distinctive touches—touches reflecting their own collaboration (such as Otherkin in a stained pilot’s attire, Imdolledupa aiming ruthlessly with a blaster, and Jelived Knights wearing a different style of clothing from Jelived Sentinels or Jelived Healers). But some were very different, especially among the doodles. “Ha! You made a Soos Wookie!”

Ford couldn’t resist smiling. “Soosbacca. Co-pilot to Stan Solo.”

“In their spaceship, the Mystery Falcon, right? Is Melody a Wookie, too?”

“Huh … That’s not a bad idea, actually. I was having a hard time seeing how to fit her in, since she isn’t really the Princess Leia type.”

“But Mabel and—pff!—Dipper are?” Bill snorted, pointing to where they were both sketched with the iconic braids wrapping around their ears. “Both of them together?”

“Well, they’re also both Luke, since I couldn’t really pick who fit which roll better.”

“Two sets of the twins running around, huh?” Bill murmured, though he was really thinking about two Dippers (and they weren’t running around, either—they were very much not running). “… And Wendy’s Lando, I see. Am I Yoda, since I’m the most triangular or everybody, and the right size?”

“Uh …” Ford hesitated.

“Pff, it’s alright, I can already see 3PO and R2 are both me.”

Lamely, the Weirdologist explained, “Because you’re shiny. That’s the extent of the logic.”

“You gonna do any more sketches?”

“Assuming I can keep breakfast down, probably,” Ford said around a mouthful. “It’s … distracting. And fun. And relaxing, too. Helps to pass the time on a down day like this.”

“Um … M-mind if I stay and watch? Please?” Bill almost begged. “Y’know how much I love watching you meatbags make art.”

“… Oh, fine,” Ford relented. Because what was the harm in being nice to the Demon? Ford didn’t have to trust him for that. “Just don’t make any noise. My head aches enough as it is.”

Bill mimed zipping his lips and throwing away the key before pulling up a chair and settling himself comfortably beside Ford. The only time he broke his silence after that was to ask Ford if he wanted more water, and to assert that the others would get a kick out of seeing these sketches (“especially Soos … the Twins, too, though we’d have to text ‘em a photo of ‘em, or mail the whole project to ‘em to see …”).

All in all, it turned out to be a rather nice day for both of them together.

[lynxgriffin]

Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots

Got even further today! And here’s the running commentary! Under the cut again for spoilers!

Okay! Time to get back to it!!

Aww we found the nephews!

And another hidden mickey!

Aaaand I think we’re about to find Remy too

Let me in I want to cook with my rat friend!!

Oops looks like we stumbled into the woods anyway

MONKEY HEARTLESS

Awww yes I got the roaring rapids kinda ride deal!

THERE IS RATTY FRIEND

CONTROL THE SORA VIA HIS HAIR

I can’t save you right now Roxas, I HAVE TO COLLECT PARSLEY FOR THIS RAT

Aaand we’re back at Ira’s mansion!

Sora all like NO SUDDEN TOUCHIES

VERBOTEN

Ienzo: I could smell your computer incompetence from across the worlds

Told you guys virtual reality is just magical bullshit!!

Oh geez someone get this poor boy a cot and a pillow

Sora: I don’t computer good, please help

Uh oh Even got Norted didn’t he

Hayner: I FORGOT I HAVE TO GO SWAT SOME BEES

Suspiciously no music here

Hiiiii Norty Guys

Sora: DATA IS REAL PEOPLE TOO

AGAIN, GOOFY IS THE SMART ONE

Press X to doubt on that, Xemnas

DEATH BY TEACUPS

Gotta say that attraction flow is kinda OP

HIIII SCROOGE

Donald is always making a menace of himself, Scrooge, that’s normal

OMG I want cake now too

Remy no longer cooks for the love for food, he’s HOOKED INTO CAPITALISM

No I love Remy Ratatouille is a good movie

DON’T YOU TRY AND SPOILE ME TOO, GAME

Oh I see Bee Swatting Alley has turned into a little drive-in theater

There was a hole here…it’s gone now

Roxas has to collect Nobody emblems, I get to collect chocolate and caviar. SUCKS TO BE YOU, ROXAS

“Skateboarding is passe now” INCORRECT

Scrooge is just like I RUN THIS TOWN NOW

GET YOU SOME QR CODES SORA

Scrooge: THAT’S CAPITALISM BABEY

If we wish for Roxas with all our hearts and clap our hands HE’LL COME BACK TO LIFE

Ansem: Just look at them…COOKING…PASTRIES…

Another vessel? Don’t you guys already have like fourteen??

I just realized: are the loading screens just. KH Instagram

OKAY IMMA GONNA COOK WITH THE RAT NOW

I AM NOT GOOD AT THE COOKING BUT I LIKE DOING IT

Okay, I THIIIINK the thing to do now is head on to the next world!…

YES YES YES KAIRI’S HERE

REDHEAD SQUAD PLZ

REMEMBERING XION SOB

The Twilight Town trio ice cream music ohhh noooo

just pulls the damn ice cream out of his back pockets IT’S FINE

ooooooo nooooo

OH NO HE CRYIN

Lea: I’m not crying there’s just extra testosterone leaking out of my eyeballs

LEA WHAT we just got used to Lea now back to Axel MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND

Riku and Mickey doing more investigatin’

Eeeeeexposition time~

FINALLY PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, MICKEY

GAH DAMN THEY FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE DEAL WITH TERRA

Well thank goodness these two finally got a case of the Smarts

Okay okay okay! FINALLY CAN GO TO NEW DISNEY WORLDS

It looks like Toy Story is the better choice so I’ll do that first!

After I snag hidden mickeys in Olympustown, anyway!

Okay, those are all the ones I could remember for now, guess we’ll move on to advance the story!

Yikes I absolutely stumbled into a gummi boss battle that I was not ready for

I am so so so bad at the gummi missions in this game, sheesh

BUT IN ANY CASE I FINALLY GOT TO TOY STORY WORLD YAAAAY

OMG is this the game that Rex thinks Sora is from

so fukkin Squeenix

LIL TOY HEARTLESS

Oh wow the music here is so fun

FINALLY GOT FRECKIN AERIAL RECOVERY

Watch out Sora you gonna get laser’d

Sora: I am not Noctis but I know it’s easy to get confused

I love how all this nonsense is basically in canon in the Toy Story universe, thank you Squeenix

Oh wait the humans are missing too that’s a problem

DID THEY GO AND MAKE A XEHANORT ACTION FIGURE TOO

I thought he was just regular size

Guess Al’s Toy Barn went under

Buzz is so dang suspicious

DANGIT we ALMOST had parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme outside the house here!

That is a honkin huge toy store WTF

HIIII Youngnort

BEAT UP THE ROBOTS

Okay this is a pretty fun take on Shrouding Dark Cloud

“Oh that’s right, you’re from a video game, where the rules are BULLSHIT”

Buzz is being such a stick

EXCUSE U but before we rescue our friends I need to find various selfie spots/weird rocks/groceries

sheesh I don’t even care if using Antiform ends up being bad it’s so much fun to do

Oh no I forgot to take out the security cameras, WE’RE DOOMED

OMG if you hit a helium can it makes Sora’s voice all squeaky I CANNOT B E L I E V E

All these bigass dragon toys have me like 

VALIDATE REX’S FEELINGS GUYS

I popped out of Antiform for the cutscene and then popped back into it??

THEY HAVE THE BATTLESAURS FROM THAT ONE TOY STORY SHORT

Why are there such nice dolls in Babies and Toddlers?? You don’t give dolls this nice to babies!

Everybody’s playin’ his theme song!

Corporal: I can’t believe…I got tuba’d…

OH I don’t like that, NO SIR

Yes just give this horrible doll to your baby, that’s fine

FINALLY high jump!!

Sora never say never on horrible things like that!!

The claaaaaaaww

WE HAVE DEFEATED THE CLAW

“Nirvana will not be reached” o o p s

Oh gosh what is this game where I’m stacking flans…

The video game section is just labeled 999999999 FLOWEY I KNOW YOU’RE HERE

Sora: Actually I think this is Riku on the cover

YOU. ARE. A. VIDEO GAAAAAME

Oh Rex I wish they still made strategy guides :(

Ohh I knew the bad thing that they mentioned would happen would happen!

Okay I wanna play Space Cats tho

THE HECK JUST HAPPENED

No Sora you are the videogaems

Well that took way too long but I ended up beating KING ROBOT in antiform

Wreck-it Ralph summon!! YAAAAY

I can’t believe that Buzz Lightyear got Norted

At last, we’ve reached baby jail

This isn’t a friggin toy store it’s Discovery Zone!

We just fuggin cactaur’d our way up here

AT LAST, SORA GETS TO SPEND AN EXTRA HOUR IN THE BALL PIT

Oh well this looks like a boss battle spot

Now we’re in what? Lego hell??

Woody: So you were never loved as a child, were ya

OHOHOHO

HE JUST HOOKSHOTTED THAT BITCH WITH HIS PULLSTRING

These are things you already knew Youngnort!!

That was an appropriately epic battle music for DEFEAT UFO TOY IN TOYSPACE

Awwwwuuh

You’re really not, Donald

Awwww FRIENDS ALL AROUND

Okay we have! Finished that world! And YAAAY new Keyblade!!

~~The Perfect Body~~

WELL WE GOTTA FIND SOMETHING TO STICK THAT HEART IN

OF COURSE RIKU WOULD THINK OF THAT

It’s cloning, Riku, it’s basically cloning.

Sora: CLONES! GREAT, BRILLIANT

Oh okay thank goodness they’re actually KEEPING EACH OTHER UPDATED SOMETIMES

OKAY I think I’m going to need to stop here because I’m starting to go crosseyed and my thumbs are sore

WE’LL MOVE ON TO THE NEXT WORLD TOMORROW

HOT DANG

[thestaffofgrayson]

1-100 for the unusual asks, you meme lord

Mmmmkay so I cant help being sassy but also wanna give a real answer so we gonna do this -> Anything in parenthesis is a real answer everything else is sass central station

1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  Im a dank soundcloud rapper check out my soundcloud at nobodycares540.soundcloud.fuck (I dont really use any of em tbh)

2) is your room messy or clean? *glances over* clean (m e s s y)

3) what color are your eyes? All 16 of em are different colors actually (blue)

4) do you like your name? why? No because its not Jojo (Yes!!! Love the name Perrin gonna be honest)

5) what is your relationship status? *sets status to its complicated* you could say im a bit of a player (deathly single)

6) describe your personality in 3 words or less? Im sorry who? (Described meme lord)

7) what color hair do you have? Minecraft Steve Brown (Ver Ver Pink)

8) what kind of car do you drive? color? No I run like sonic next question (nope fuck driving fuck boulder)

9) where do you shop? Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (For what Next question)

10) how would you describe your style? Goku Black cosplay (Goku Black cosplay)

11) favorite social media account? The one with the Z U C C (Tumblr fuck snapchat)

12) what size bed do you have?  Uuuummmmmmm my size OBVIOUSLY next questions (Dont know tbh queen maybe?)

13) any siblings? Little shit brother (thats not even a joke)

14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?  Why this world fuck you what about mars (uuuuhhhhhh no idea gonna be honest)

15) favorite snapchat filter? Oh man! Love this one altho its not well known what ya gotta do is hit the delete button and when it asks if youre sure say yes :D (they change so often I dont pay attention)

16) favorite makeup brand(s)? Whatever it is Genji uses as eyeliner (dooont wear makeup)

17) how many times a week do you shower? I get clean by rolling around in the snow so maybe like 3 times a year (depends usually once a day with exceptions)

18) favorite tv show? I dont watch tv I AM the tv (The Office or if its Anime then Jojos Bizarre Adventure)

19) shoe size? M Y   S I Z E (size 10)

20) how tall are you?  hOWs ThE wEaTHEr dOwnTHeRe (5′9 - 5′11 somewhere in there)

21) sandals or sneakers? Gadget Shoes (legit those are cool but sneakers)

22) do you go to the gym? I think theeessseeee muscles speak for themselves (nope but I do martial arts)

23) describe your dream date  Killing all mortals and achieving a state beyond that of a god (iiiii dont know I dont really see myself going on a date)

24) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Why do YOU wanna know (no really why tho)

25) what color socks are you wearing? Well I’m at home on the sofa playing sonic the hedgehog and typing up responses to an ask on tumblr that about 5 people are gonna see. That being said, Dragon Ball orange. (not wearing em but I have a fuzzy pair of polar bear socks my friend Ana sent me that I love!)

26) how many pillows do you sleep with? Wait what do you mean not everyone sleeps with 25 pillows are they mad? (One for my head, one on each side, smol pillow, pillow pet)

27) do you have a job? what do you do? I am assistant regional manager at a paper supply company named Dunder Mifflin. (Not currently but I’m gonna apply to Gamestop and Costco here soon)

28) how many friends do you have? Toooooooooooooo many I hate mortals (honestly I’m too lazy to try and count rn)

29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? Well I haven’t seen Mulan don’t call the cops (Iiiiiiii’m not sure I guess cheated on my Chinese final freshman year but hey I needed to pass that)

30) whats your favorite candle scent? V o i d  (I dont use candles that much and I shooouuulld)

31) 3 favorite boy names Jo[seph] Jo[estar], Jo[taro Ku]jo, Jo[nathan] Jo[estar]  (uuuuhhhh I like my name so it would be Perrin, Joji, Donovan)

32) 3 favorite girl names Jolyne Kujo there is no 2 and 3 (Jolyne yes I know but I actually really like the name, Perrin is also a girls name so, Milly)

33) favorite actor? Shrek from Shrek the musical (Robert Downey Jr and Chris pratt)

34) favorite actress? Taylor after she sasses me and acts like nothing happened (Millie Bobby Brown)

35) who is your celebrity crush? McCree (Matt Mercer)

36) favorite movie? UM IS THIS A QUESTION LIKE??? OBVIOUSLY THE SHREK AND BEE MOVIE CROSS OVER SHREK B: HONEY AND SWAMPS (I LOVED Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok but Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s stuck with me for a loooong time)

37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t read cuz I’m not a NERD (I mean actual books I don’t ask me about it another time but comics I sure do I love the Marvel Civil War storyline)

38) money or brains? They say Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy me more games! Eat that SUCKERS (Honestly brains because then you can be smart which can make you a lot of money. So many more benefits)

39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Perriushium, destroyer of life and bringer of the new age (Pey given to me by my brother when he was still a baby and couldn’t say my name)

40) how many times have you been to the hospital? Enough to be immune to every disease known to man NOW IM UNSTOPABLE MWAHAHA (none for any of my own conditions or injuries but for family stuff about twice)

41) top 10 favorite songs All Star, All Star, All Star, Chum Drum Bedrum, All Star, All Star, All Star, Never gonna give you up, All Star, All Star (Bloody Stream, Sono Chi no Sadame, Flying Battery Zone, Stardust Speedway, Stand Proud, Goku Black theme, Halo theme, The Apparition, Shovel Knight main theme, Hooked on a Feeling)

42) do you take any medications daily? I take a shot of cold hard whiskey when I get up (nope I dont have anything)

43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) The largest organ of my body I’ll tell ya that much (I honestly dont know?? Smooth and soft I guess?)

44) what is your biggest fear? The Communists lol jk Communism is the only way (I’m not so sure on this one gonna be honest I do fear something I just cant think of it at the moment)

45) how many kids do you want? I mean I’m a 16 year old teenager in high school with no job and no relationship that being said 5 (NONE EVER NOPE 0 KIDS)

46) whats your go to hair style? Super Saiyan 3 (Idk I just kinda comb it to the left)

47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) All Star. Wait fuck wrong quest- (Two floor medium sized house) 

48) who is your role model?  Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh)

49) what was the last compliment you received? A like on my post we did it guys we hit one like so I’m here making this 1 like special (I was told that everytime my friend see’s my dyed hair it absolutely makes his day :D) 

50) what was the last text you sent? Yeah that’ll be $5000 for the kill nice doing business with you (Maaaannny pictures of Genji Shimada)

51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? WHAT SANTA ISNT REAL????!!!!!?!?!?! (It kinda faded over the years my last strands of belief were gone by 12)

52) what is your dream car? Odie’s car from Garfield Kart (The Mach 5 from speed racer there’s a street legal car look it up)

53) opinion on smoking? Jotaro does it so I do it too (PSA: Smoking doesn’t make you cool or look cool you’re just killng your lungs. I won’t try and make you stop as long as you’re aware I don’t want you smoking around me and you understand the consequences)

54) do you go to college? After that SAT I meeeaaaaannnn McDonalds might be hiring (I’m still in High School but I want to)

55) what is your dream job? To stand in a corner for 8 hours with a lamp shade over my head and make a clicking sound every so often (I would like to be able to draw, animate, design and/or play games for a living. Achievement Hunter would be a fantastic job but I doubt that’s happening)

56) would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I wanna live in a cloud In the sky and abduct people to harvest their DNA and make clones which I can fight to the death with (eh somewhere quiet and disconnected from people tbh)

57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? They fetch pretty high prices on eBay you’d be surprised (Nope I dont use them at all I bring my own and take my own)

58) do you have freckles? My face is a giant freckle little known fact (not really thank god I would look real bad with em)

59) do you smile for pictures? *leans in* I’m gonna let ya in on a secret kid. I wait until the photographer is just about to take the picture and then I hold a middle finger over my face to block the proper shot. Do it enough times then they’ll be payin YOU to get the picture done (I do but I only open my mouth slightly)

60) how many pictures do you have on your phone? They’re all of people I’ve killed because they showed me a stale meme dont worry about it (960 exactly and they’re all either memes, fan-art, or my cute friends)

61) have you ever peed in the woods? Ew no I don’t go outdoors thanks (Yep once on a school field trip in which we hiked to the top of a mountain it was fun)

62) do you still watch cartoons? Well I mean SOME ONE spoiled my belief in Santa earlier so I’m a bit too old for that now. I have a boring desk job thanks LAZLO (I do spongebob is really funny to me still and I LOVE the original Teen Titans)

63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McWendy’s next question (I dont eat either so)

64) Favorite dipping sauce? Drip dip dip I’m boutta rip please i want to die (I dont use dipping sauce either call me a heathen all you want)

65) what do you wear to bed? Well I take off the clothes I wore for the day, take off my earring, ring, necklace, eyes, hair, 3 layers of skin, and call it a night (Pajamas mostly and sometimes sweatpants)

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? *Obligatory Bee Movie Joke* (I’ve never even heard of a spelling bee in any of the schools I’ve been to)

67) what are your hobbies? Well I like to kill all mortals #ZamasuWasRight  (I enjoy martial arts, drawing, video games, game design, and walking around my house with nothing to do)

68) can you draw? UH BOI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ART IS UNTIL YOUVE SEEN A SHITTY JOJO DRAWING OF MINE (I mean yeah but not well)

69) do you play an instrument? Electric Triangle (Actually, I play the Violin but not super well)

70) what was the last concert you saw? SORRY WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE CONCERT (I’ve never been to one that seems like the opposite of fun for me personally I hate hyper loud music, people, and crowds)

71) tea or coffee? Coftea next question (tea. I don’t drink caffeine if i can help it)

72) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I need my sugar sonic rings (Again, Don’t drink caffeine)

73) do you want to get married? I’m already getting married. MARRIED TO THE LIFE OF CRIME THAT IS UP TOP (I mean I would like to one day)

74) what is your crush’s first and last initial? My  Self (I don’t have anyone I’m crushing on)

75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? What’s crimes last name? Smigglesworth? (If my partners last name is something with an S cuz then I can be PJS)

76) what color looks best on you? You know the color mario turns when he uses the super star? T-that (Pink and Black)

77) do you miss anyone right now? PPFFFFFT NOOOOO WHATS A FEEL *CRIES* THOSE ARENT TEARS ITS JUST SWEAT IVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS OKAY (I miss all my internet friends :(  *cries*)

78) do you sleep with your door open or closed? It is neither open nor closed it is in a hyper dimensional state between open and closed in which no mortal can enter or exit but also cannot be blocked from passage (clooossed because otherwise the cats are gonna kill my fish)

79) do you believe in ghosts? I mean how else would I make a long and successful career as a ghost buster (I do!)

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? My pet, Peeve! Biggest one I know! (depends on for what tbh the other day a guest speaker was talking to the class and this kid was playing music in his headphones really really loud and it pissed me off)

81) last person you called? Called what? Called them a nerd? A good bean? A meme? MAKE MORE SENSE YOU ******* **** *** ******** (Well according to my phone, the name listed is “Mom”)

82) favorite ice cream flavor? I’ll ice your cream if you’re not careful (Vanilla with chocolate syrup mixed together is hella everyone GO TRY IT)

83) regular oreos or golden oreos? The fuck is a golden oreo?? (No seriously, what the actual is a golden oreo)

84) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? *mario invincible star song plays as I flash color and dash down rainbow road* I’ll have to think about it (rainboooowww!)

85) what shirt are you wearing? Well I…. You see… The thing is…. excuse me for one second (yeah I can’t think of sass to this one but my favorite shirt! Sonic mania that my friend Tasha bought for me and I love it!!!)

86) what is your phone background?  RYUJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! “What do you think of this color? Is it not beautiful?” If you dont know those HOW DARE YOU LEARN THEM AND WE ARE WATCHING DRAGON BALL (Genji lock screen and Goku Black home screen)

87) are you outgoing or shy? Does THIS answer your question >:D (Outgoing when I want to be, but I’m antisocial so it’s like I CAN be outgoing and personable but it’s highly on my terms ya feel?)

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair is a pride to my race the Saiyans hair is a sacred thing I will advise you not to touch it (YYYEEESSSS I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT BUT THAT HARDLY EVER HAPPENS)

89) do you like your neighbors?  …..the what? Never heard of it before is that a type of appliance? (I mean they’re chill we don’t interact a lot which I’m cool with)

90) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Nothin can cure this ugly face fest of spring 2018 (I use face wash when I shower which is typically right after school not sure why it matters but there ya go :V)

91) have you ever been high? “I’m high on LIFE maaaannn” -Incorrect Shaggy quotes (N o p e  never have don’t plan on it)

92) have you ever been drunk? shots ShotS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSHOTS (nope but I will one day maybe in College years)

93) last thing you ate? The shattering realization that my friends will keep saying OWO to me every chance they get (Pancakes! asked for french toast but I loooove the breakfast food so no complaints)

94) favorite lyrics right now someBODY Once Told Me The World Is Gonna Roll Me… (The lyrics to Bloody Stream dude it’s a  g r e a t  op)

95) summer or winter? Sorry I’m on Mars weather its ZXAR right now (eeehhhh winter cuz then I have an excuse to be inside and it’s also the ski season)

96) day or night? I am the darkness. I am the night. I am BATMAN (Night honestly I’m a fan of the darkness)

97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? Plllleeeeaaase its like asking if you’re heart is pure of evil or not. Dark Chocolate is a sin (Milk chocolate is the best chocolate fight me on that)

98) favorite month? See, some may argue for their birthday months, christmas, new beginnings to the year, but I say there’s only ONE spooky time :3 (Altho I’m one of the fools that’s gonna have to go with March because it usually has my favorite kind of weather for where I live)

99) what is your zodiac sign  I refuse to go by Zodiac signs until Ted Cruz is proven to be the Zodiac Kill————–”OLD MEME ALERT THIS IS THE MEME POLICE”   “I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL”  (Cancer! I wear a necklace of my sign all the time fun fact for ya)

100) who was the last person you cried in front of?  Me after writing all these (Don’t know actually I try not to cry in front of people ever)

[daleisgreat]

Skyscraper

Welcome to my first movie blog of 2019! I want to kick this year off with a film sharing a passing resemblance to the last film I covered here, Die Hard. Today I am covering what critics say is ‘Die Hard in a building,’ but what I proclaim is one of my favorite pictures of 2018, yes I am talking about Skyscraper trailer). Will Sawyer (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) is on a routine FBI hostage rescue mission where everything goes wrong and he emerges from the catastrophe without a leg. Flash forward several years and Will is living a second life as an amputee and proud husband to his wife Sarah (Neve Campbell) and father of two kids Georgia (McKenna Roberts) & Henry (Noah Cottrell). He is now a safety inspector in Hong Kong where his former FBI-colleague Ben (Pablo Schreiber) hooks him up as the inspector for the soon-to-open world’s tallest building, ‘The Pearl.’ Not all is rosy as it appears when terrorists compromise the structure and take over its security systems and waste no time in setting The Pearl ablaze. The authorities think Sawyer is the perpetrator, but when Will realizes his family is trapped in the burning Pearl, he becomes a man-on-a-mission who will do anything and overcome all odds in countless ‘you gotta be kidding me’ moments to rescue his family.

I understand the obvious comparisons to Die Hard, but I do not think Skyscraper is a direct copycat of it that I have heard from numerous people. Die Hard put a huge focus on the terrorists led by Hans Gruber and his motley crew of goons were as pivotal to the film as John McClane was. In Skyscraper they do not make the villains standout in any meaningful way as they quickly takeover the Pearl and come off as little more than stereotypical bad guys minus the charming monologues that made Hans Gruber pop and all the little idiosyncrasies that made each and every one of Gruber’s thugs standout as more than bland pawns. There is a little narrative quickly thrown in late why head villain Botha (Roland Moller) is after the owner of the Pearl, Zhao (Chin Han) and a couple of quick cuts to Botha’s head operative Xia (Hannah Quinlivan) making waste out of the Pearl’s security guards, but by and large the terrorists come out of Skyscraper as underdeveloped window dressing until the final scenes where they clash with Will and Zhao. How Skyscraper overcomes this weakness of a lack of attention to the antagonists is making The Pearl a larger-than-life character itself. Where Die Hard had McClane squaring off in multiple firefights and duels outmanned, outgunned and seeing McClane suffer and take a beating throughout, Skyscraper starts Will off without a freaking leg and entering a burning super-structure that is ubiquitously falling apart. Watching Sawyer overcome each hurdle the Pearl throws at him as he makes his way up the mammoth building had me immersed throughout. Part of the fun that had me reeled in was each ‘yeah right’ moment where Will made a heroic leap, climb or dive in order to traverse to the next part of the Pearl.

The filmmakers go out of their way to show the cutting edge tech in The Pearl with the primary example being its showpiece room, ‘The Sphere’ which is comprised of over 100 HD glass panels for some spiffy special effects. Naturally The Sphere comes into play later when the climactic final showdown transpires there and the gunfight plays out like it is happening in the middle of a carnival fun house with those wacky mirrors. It is a thrilling final duel, and that is because Sawyer only sparingly encounters thugs throughout the movie. I want to also give props to Skyscraper for not having Neve Campbell not portray the stereotypical damsel-in-distress and instead has her character have several scenes where she proves fully capable of navigating her family through the weakening Pearl, helping clear Will’s name to the authorities and holding her own against Xia. I do not want this to seem like I am making a case for if Skyscraper is better than Die Hard but instead how Skyscraper does more than enough to distinguish itself as another unapologetic Die Hard-clone. The preceding paragraphs I just presented to you on how Skyscraper is different than Die Hard I had originally jotted down in my notes as I watched the film, and then I nearly chucked them across the room when the director, Rawson Thurber stated in the bonus feature interviews that Die Hard was indeed a huge influence. Thurber also went to state in the interviews how other films like Cliffhanger and Inferno were big inspirations in the ways he wanted to make something more than ‘Die Hard in a building.’

The BluRay has 40 minutes of extra features in addition to a feature-length commentary with Rawson Thurber. About half of the 40 minutes of extras are the deleted and extended scenes which are the highlights of the bonuses. There are some interesting scenes here, and even a silly gag the director had Rock give Bruce Willis a shoutout, seriously! There are six shorter extra features highlighting most of the cast and their characters in semi-interesting pieces, but of those six I would say check out Inspiration on how Rock wanted to give a respectful portrayal of amputees and Pineapple Pitch which showed how Rock agreed to sign on to Skyscraper. The commentary track is one of the better solo tracks I have listened to with many interesting on the set anecdotes and memories with the standout stories being how Raiders of the Lost Ark changed Thurber’s life and lead to him wanting Skyscraper to be the film he wanted to make since he was eight and how he was Face-timing with his wife through labor while simultaneously directing….holy hell. My launch week BluRay I picked up from Target came with a bonus disc with another 20 minutes of extras mostly showing how the team came up with the showpiece set designs and stunt scenes.

No matter how close Skyscraper is or is not to Die Hard, I will not deny that I still had a great time with the film from beginning to end and came out of it psyched. When doing my final rankings for 2018 films of the year (which should be going up not too long after this entry) I was surprised at how high Skyscraper ranked. I will attribute that to seeing it at the right time in the right setting as a summer blockbuster at the theater with a tub of popcorn! Best way to enjoy Skyscraper now is to have a beer or two going in and enjoy the rider Thurber, Rock and company strap you in for! Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed Deck the Halls Die Hard Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Dirty Work Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Guardians of the Galaxy Hercules: Reborn Hitman Indiana Jones 1-4 Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Man of Steel Man on the Moon Marine 3-6 Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Take Me Home Tonight TMNT The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Days of Future Past

[tssfhr-blog]

[C-1 / M-18] Text One

i tried to write a short bio about myself and my music project

but

Bio

Kharkiv

13

too yolo for being a DJ

ambient, noise

Weaponized naivness, helpless attack

Kanye West, PJ Harvey

Bee Pole EP

Pure EP

Love LP

NII, Powerhouse, Plivka, Zhyvot

A/V

CHSZM - experimental electronic project of Aleksei Podat, based in Kharkiv, Ukraine. Started producing music at the age of 13 after being an EDM DJ at St. Petersburg pirate radiostation for 2 years.

Now he creates melodic noise which he describes as sound of “pure naviete weaponized by haunting helplessness of logic&QUITE-EMOTIONAL-APPROACH-TO-ANYTHING&O - V - E -R -R RE-ACTING"T[M]. His greatest influences were Kanye West and PJ Harvey, as for now among them appeared some Kyiv(NO)-meta-based artists like (Ivan Skoryna) - is - (actual artist name) John Object, and Moscow (Still-NO;still-meta) based media-artists AWN-naw

(wowww, an artist doesn’t have a PAGE, HOW’S THAT, MR. Цукерберг, Марк, Mr TAG EVERYONE ON EVERY BIT OF YOUR tinyDaATa ttmmm] soundcloud.com/awn_naw

so: and Zurkas Tepla

[the..articles are so difficult, I know how journalists may feel, sometimes, about posting a klikByte-headed material about poverty, war, or numerous G20 Ideologic rave party, I AM CHARLIE, CHARLIE SHEEN CAUGHT ROBBING WALLtm-MART NEAR THE FREEDOM ST., BUT luckily, the casser worker! had called the police last night, when they! heard some "sounds of (violent) noise.. haha great my friend got a vynil of this, which i have no possibility to actually hear, my sounds of noise are shaped by the bloodstream of mine and the clone of Mine[tm] who hopes, i hust buy it as fast as he could be tauht, at their trial lol trial, you have noone to feed, don’t you, family-less, dropped out of nowhere worker huhhh]

NEXT PARAGRAPH is/was/will be ABOUT - ( WHINNING ABIOUT UKRAINIAN BANK ACCOUNTS NOT ACCEPTING BANDCAMP TRANSACTIONS TRHOUIG PAY PAL DAM)….

I GOTTA MAKE THOSE FUCKING CASSETTES NOBODY REALLY NEADS, EXCEPT ONE ( you are dramqueened, lolll) Ph.D of USA University, which i respect, for the interest in New East culture. [I’d like them to show me. where’s the new east, so i could finally show em the old one]

Me Respect Professos, what’s wrong with that huh?)))), I am studying at Karazin University, I AM studying political sciences, without a bit of post-truth politics, just post-truth patriot-oriented education, it’s quite depressing. (UBA - shorter, smarter look, more modern than the actual modern term Ukrainian Bank Accounts, and it sounds like UBER, like not the taxi service, which robs every piece of his stuff, including the clever-auto-routed-cars. of course. If they are clever, they are good enough to be credited as stuff, AND BE TAKEN SERIOUS SUPPOSEDLY I GUESS MAYBE i don’t kno, tho, lo ve16/03/18 first LP has been self-released you kno, i gottaa promote it, and i do my best at it, since i left label with audience in Facebook of 3k people - next kp - k people, not k-pop,; Soundcloud like 7+kp (non k-pop also, they don’t even use it, u must be kidding, kidDO - kidDO - essential mobile app just for YOUR smartphone, to get you a proper kid. Look at you(r,) "kid” and look at “kidDO"TM!!! - exclamaiton marks are here to gain psychical pressure on our deer, hi that’s was bad jokey…like your kiddo, dear, dear, very dear, and precious customers, not to exclaim that we have registered this trademark with absolutely obvious "misunderstandings” with law, and fully understanding with the power….forces..FORCES OF POWER, OF

LOVE,

U

KNO, TO OUR CUSTOMERS…so, not to seem a little bit weird but I don’t feel lonely, I have a great support of my family and friends, I sometimes do just awful things to them, like…idk…being an artist with great not only the creative potential, but a POT(i’d smoke this sh1t on 3v3ryday bas1s in case I would have agreed on following the path of using potential #2, it’d be weird if i liked a chance to be a person like in example NUMBER TWO, u kno, TWO, 2, LOSER, FUCKING LOOSER,) ential of sitting my ass out near shitty PC on windows XP (Mhhmhmm, safety, in Ukrainian IT companies… is quite interesting quiestion, wee(d) n(w)eed to look at it from different perspectives, different angles…) (actually i do the same at my dorm, or at mama-house(TM haha, no, sry, i’m not THAT misogynistic human being, to EVEN Imagine™ my mother, as a woman, first of all (fck offff my “i-understood-Freud-wrong-but-1-read-it-ironically-so-fuckk-you”-mates, I understand these great postmod(ern)(ehhh)(snobbyy)(but i like it) possibilities that came out as a pale garbage, like from the corpse, the corpse of a most pale kidDO (of course if our company be mistakeyy just a lil bit, like “oops”), as soon as you got a thought in you head like “Oh, over-using (that small dash as a reminder - if you misread oversueing somehow, goto "mylawyer” and think a bit once, than a little bit more, and than turn your MINDPOWER [LP3, 2026 new demos never, I know, I’m a bit of paranoid about showing my stuff to anonymouses like ISIS or Presidents, like very very bad presidents, like, I even don’t kno who to mention, but you’ve got the point, they could rip off my MASTERPOWER [LP0 It was already released, and you are not talanted in googling enough to find it eat my t-shirts, to be more accurate, not shirts, i’m not that “kid” if he could be reffered like this too, since 29 years of struggle through average mid-class family “oopsey-woopseys”, Hey, CC [NoN-creative-commoned-Comedy-Central, so “™”], wanna see an episode dated 1999 where Bart SimpsonS, using his MINDPOWER, obviously"TM", becomes a high-school breakbit-techno-house-electro DJ BioSex [in reversed order, please, mix, but do not shake, please, to make a cocktail which our modern “underground electroni#css” music scene like really deserves

ADVERTPERVERT ROUBRIQUE [le]

Fill a collins glass with ice. Add tequila and midori, fill rest of glass with sour mix, and garnish with an orange slice and a cherry. Then drink it by yourself if you truly believe, that you are great at mixing 4/4 tracks, OH GOSH HOW MEAN I AM, I WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE MEAN TO A PERSON WHO JUST MAKES A LIVING ON DOING EVERYTHING HE WANTS, LIKE VINYLL FLIP-FLOPS, AND CD’S CHANGINGGGG [REALLY HOT DOWN HERE, YOU NOW, HEATING IS GOING LIKE SHUSH, ITS JUST SO HOT UNDER THE DJ TABLE FUCK IT, IKEA, YOU GOTTA DO SMTH WITH IT]..sorry,..fck, almost forgot about this phoney thingy [IKEAtm - more than trade, more than marks, IKEA rules, here are scandinavian workers tired sparks (around head) (from amusement, how GOOD, it TASTES, to eat CHICKEN, at the TABLE, you know you PRODUCED, but you DON’T CARE [mArXXXattention - marxists fukof, i know i’m using some kind of “not really accurate” info!! about your DAD’S BOOK, i’m sorry, I never gonna touch it again, I promise, peace] [Fuck xxxtentaciwho, i don’t stand public image of a talented musician to be spoiled with so fucked up facts, like beating someone for a long time, or having sex with a person against their will, and that’s not a joke. Pretty sad that talented freshmen will never be a talented human being for me, but he still is for someone, and those are might be fucked up as hell also, not as much as a person, who fucks another with a fork, or other objects [even if he does it in postmod, that’s cruel to kids, think about what happend to WW2 kids, and X it on the quantity of eyes that never seen the damn piece of war [lucky ones, would be like to feel a bit like that] [i’m lucky too, but not that much, you kno, “Sloviansk"TM, or how it frequently was trasliterated from "local-pronounciation” - Slavinsk [CC license] - [src: telegraph.co.uk/…/Donetsk-police-chief-forced-out-as-Ukrain…, BTW! using a chance of such a productivity FUCK Telegraph, and probably fUcK BBC News [can’t find a source, but i remember this LE GOOGLE-LESS JOURNALIST REPORTAGE for not having a MINDPOWER, and what’s more important, for them, as professionals, of “dividing"TM "bad people"TM and "good people"TM - a MASTERPOWER ability. Purchase Love LP. LP is for Pl which is for [sorry, my polish friends, and people who don’t understand slavic-english-writing-stYLO [stereotype], sorry, I’m very very sorry, that IT HAPPENED[TM], yeas, Pl - which is for Please! Sorry! I admit, I took you to the really dark place, but I Love you, and I really want you to survive. [really enjoying’ my time with those funny Latin letters, playing with them, omg, i don’t even kno what doessss the DAMN.[really liked it, but TPAB was way better, please take a note, Kendrick, i’m your fan for 3 yrs, my opinion weighs smth, huh? I don’t even have fans which are able to notice when i delete a bunch of my “First Relaeses” from bandcamp. That’s for good, actually, I’d like not to get any messages containg things like “Hei Aleksei! Your first release Ножові was great and thought-provoking, and your last LP called..let me think, Laugh? Life? Ah, I remembered it’s called] half of my words mean

And yeah

Love / OUT NOW

CHSZM - noise music project of Kharkiv based media-artist Aleksei Podat.

Hometown: Sloviansk

Birthdate: 25/08/1996

gosh, i got these voices sequenced to 4/4 again, moom. I need a PROFESSIONAL HERE

if you got some psychologist help to advice, i’d be shy, but greatful

__________________________________________________________

Telegram Channel

[extantme-blog]

Computer Aided Desire

In this day and age the suggested video is king.  Our browsing is guided by the gentle hand of an algorithm.  An algorithm with incentives not necessarily in line with ours.  You see, websites make money based on ads and the number of ads you see depends on how long you use the website.  So the algorithm wants you to stay, oh please just stay.  “One more”.  The alg wants you to watch “one more” video, click “one more” link.  Just as long as you never stop wanting one more.  It’s gosh darned evil!  Raise the roof, tell the folks they’re herded like sheep to extract every last advertisable cent from their viewing time!  The Matrix was a documentary!

Okay, okay, this ain’t exactly ground breaking investigative journalism.  Most people are at least vaguely aware of this in some form or another (I assume.  I don’t talk to most people).  And for the most part I’m pretty okay with this reality as long as I don’t think too hard.  Y’see children, the way the big corporations get us to click away on their sites is by suggesting quality content that they think we’ll like.  And that’s all fine and good right?  I like more of what I like.  But what do I like?  How does a heartless machine get to know me as a person and with such Incredible Results?  How do the algorithms predict what my tastes will be?  PREDICTABLY IS HOW.  Forecasting your preferences is based on demographics and past history, which means they assume that you like what everyone your age likes and that you like what you’ve liked in the past.  “Ho ho!” the algs laugh, smug as Machiavelli, their bloated code jigglin’ like a bowl full of jelly.  “What worked in the past will work in the future.  We know everything ‘bout this pitiful user.”.  “Not so!” I reply, growing tired of rhyme.  “I won’t just like only one thing all the time!”  This bit is over.

In the words of Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw (a hero in our time, or in other words, a swell fella): “No one knows what they want until they’ve got it”.  It’s true.  No one knew they wanted no buttons on their cellular telephones until uncle Stevie Jobs threw the iPhone at ‘em and made a pile a money.  And nowadays every phone is an obvious direct descendant of the iFone from an overall design standpoint.  I mean, the reason Blackberry ain’t the dominant brand today is because they stuck to what had always worked for them, and assumed it would always work in the future.  You see this same pattern all over the place.  Blockbuster vs Netflix.  Kodak vs Digital Technology.  Coke vs The New Coke.  wait...

This corporate groupthink is the reason all new movies these days gotta be part of some shared universe.  Marvel did it well and made a pile a money so now even King Kong gets a post-credits scene.  There’s a saying wise men and my pap tell: “Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan”.  Whenever something gets real big out of nowhere, everybody wants a piece of that pie(le a money).  Minecraft, DayZ, Call of Duty, DOOM, World of Warcraft, they all had their sea of clones and imitators.  But what the bottom feeders fail to grasp is that the reason those things got big in the first place is because they were new and fresh and well done in their own right.

So when I spend literal days following the recommended content because I am a slave to impulse, all I see are the same two things over and over!  Yeah, I know i’ll like those two things fine, but I won’t love them like a new discovery.  I want expand my interests, I want to grow and evolve like a beautiful parasite metamorphosing in a brand new host.  Not stagnate in my own complacency like a pre-globalization America.  What’s worse is that the suggested content feeds back into the algorithm, which only makes my browsing experience more predictable and more DULL.  Yeah I said it.  The D-word.  It’s that serious.

My point is I didn’t discover the magic and the mystery of YouTube MRE reviews because of some crummy old virtual recommendation.  I got a crummy old human recommendation instead.

Sources and related thingums:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7tA3NNKF0Q 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1kS5ZpTt9M 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hOowzA-brs 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2I6Et1JkidnnbWgJFiMeHA