#vent post time ^_^ yay ^_^

[wishmkr-jirachi]

...

[relivethisdream]

I’m gonna be honest I wish I was better at comforting my friends because my love languages when it comes to my selfship friends boils down to either “writing them a supportive affirming letter from their F/O” or “drawing something sweet of their F/O and them to cheer them up” and it makes me feel like this

[juliamccartney]

um i beg your pardon? why am i having my small daytime seizures again??? in the winter??? just sitting at the table?????????

[spiraling-stardust]

There is so much Mal du Pays on my dashboard tonight. We are thriving

[angelpuns]

Not a vent, just thinking thoughts. For the past year-ish, I've been less..mobile? And by that I mean I've found it harder to stand for long periods of time/walk long distances. But I'm genuinely not sure if its because I am not as regularly mobile as I was previously ( I don't walk everywhere like I did in college/while I lived in the city ) or because BEING as mobile as I was before( especially in hs and college) and then suddenly no longer needing to do so to survive has just made my body decide ' okay we no longer need to push ourselves like this so we're gonna take all that accumulated badness and breakdown'.

And I'd love to say I've been keeping track of/documenting when its worse to see if its a once-in-a-while type thing or a steady decline but I am terrible at that because typically I'll only notice it once its really bad and I also will have okay days where I'm able to walk/stand more and then I'm like ' oh its the first reason' or ' oh it was all in my head actually ' SOOO yeah. And I haven't had a time where I'm like completely unable to walk or stand so my bets are on just not doing it enough. Part of my knees being fucked is cause of marching band though, that shit will wreck your knees :/

Anyway just thoughts I was thinking because my knee and hip are fucked after this weekend ;-; I drove the 8 hour round trip in the same position p much the whole time and was super tense which isn't super great and then I also went up and down 2 flights of stairs like 3-4 times every hour for 5-6ish hours and also slept on a camping cot so yeah I don't think any of that helped lmao.

Anyway I'll probably be fine after a couple of days, my hip is already a lot better its just my knee that's annoying, and I think it'll get better if I walk it off??? I wasn't paying close enough attention to figure out if the walking or sitting was making it better today so I guess I'll find out tomorrow :)

Wow this is a big post, sorry if you read thus far for some reason. I really just wanted to write this down for later, because its just about the only documentation I'll have about the knee thing later lmao

[nyxi-pixie]

I DONT WANNA BE THE OWNER OF YOUR FANTASY!!! I JUST WANNA BE A PART OF YOUR FAMILY!!!!!

[the-haven-keepers-collective]

UGH y'know what I'm gonna admit it:

I wish I could make silly little dragon noises. Like, idk something about being able to make inhuman sounding noises particularly makes me happy. Part of it is because they would be great vocal stims, too! There's just... one problem with that.

My voice never does what I want it to!!! ever!! I've had lots of reminders lately that I don't sound right in my brain. Not just the gender aspects, but like- I should be able to make noises! I should be able to have a much wider vocal range than I do. Not in pitch, but in like.... idk, flavor? I should be able to make a bunch of different sounds and I'm not. I'm hoping that doing voice training for gender reasons will help with that, since I'll actually learn to have some control over my voice. I'm just feeling particularly salty about it today, and wanted to throw it into the void since I know some other alterhumans will probably be able to relate.

[seventh-district]

.

[honestmouse20]

yall im so fucking tired

im moving in like 2 weeks and also getting over a nasty flu. I couldn't sleep earlier tonight bc I was coughing so much. so i took some meds and Finally managed to get some sleep. Then i wake up at like 5am and the Newly fixed ac is out. it's 68 degrees outside but my room is 80????

Idk what to do cause we're leaving soon so I highly doubt they'd be willing to fix it for us. Im probably gonna get a portable ac unit and just retun it when i leave bc this is miserable

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Very much a vent post

Hey if my mom can learn the idea of “give me more than 3 hours of notice to something you’re forcing me to go to” please that’d be great

[od-vents]

Hate having a scratching stim tbh

Coz like, when it happens, it's one of those stims that goes for a while before being able to stop it.

With how I sit criss-cross a lot, the scratching will most likely end up on my legs. One time, just chilling in my room. My sis came in, and me being in shorts having completely forgot abt the fuckin scratchin, red scratch lines basically all up my legs an shit. AND SHE ASKS IF I WAS HARMING MYSELF AGAIN

Like. Thanks for caring, but. It's not cut marks? It's just. Scratch scratch scratch. That's not self-harm.

She brings it up to dad minutes after she left my room, and now I'm just sitting, on the verge of fucking tears coz I can hear them fucking talking abt me.

I hate having this stupid stim, coz if it continues, if they see more of the scratching marks, I know they're gonna want to end up seeing if I have SHed in easier to hide places. I don't want to have to go back to the hospital. I don't care if my last visit was just 2 weeks. It sucked there. I faked it just so I could leave, and I'm so certain my sister caught on to that a bit after I had left(this was a few years back, btw.) And she knows my fucking mental health has be shit and gotten shittier.

And I know it's bad. But I'm so scared that if they do end up seeing if I've made new SH scars, they will find them. Coz I was fucking stupid I didn't even think about hiding the few well enough.

And if I start wearing baggie clothing again, they'll get even more suspicious abt it all coz it's getting warmer here.

I just. I fucking hate all of this. I hate that I can't just be in an okay mindset without it deteriorating and shrivling back into whatever the fuck is going on rn. I hate how recently I've just been wishing I could just be what the majority of the world considers "normal" and that I've just been masking its behind a fucking "teehee :3"

I'm not okay. I am not fucking okay. But the courage to speak up and ask for help, to just reach for someone to talk to irl without having a breakdown and hiding behind a fucking smile and being "a good daughter/sister/aunt" again. That courage just isn't there, and I don't think it ever will be.

[kirnet]

anyways. i bought cute star shaped hairclips and a bomber jacket and a cute pair of overalls today that i look very nice in

[moved-to-mettatonsbestie]

come on...... where is the joy and excitement the holidays usually makes me feel,,,, i barely care, like what is even the point in getting excited if my only plan is to work.

[polyamraven]

Normal day

[h4zardousch3micals]

Frothing at the mouth I wanna do art challenges but I have the worst adhd and won't get past the 3rd day

[fangirlwithasweettooth]

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