#very heartbreaking it killed me and i hate it 10/10

[munchy-k]

danmei list that no one asked for (long post incoming)

ok so I've accumulated a pretty decent list of danmei that aren't as well known and I want to talk about them!! so here we go! these aren't in any particular order btw

Nan Chan

an aloof, listless immortal and a very hungry caterpillar fish demon go on an adventure to retrieve a runaway bell 🔔. and also they both have amnesia. CUE ANGSTY BACKSTORY REVEAL!!!! 🔪🔪🔪

I'm sure it's to no ones surprise that this is first because I'm a SLUT for nan chan. if nan chan has one fan it is ME and if there r no fans I am DEAD!! I love this novel so much it has the perfect combination of painful angst and sweet sweet lovin' !! the main couple's relationship makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside 🥺👉👈 (probably because I am a touch love language girly and these bitches be touching!!!) and I LOVE the characters sm. especially my little meow meow Jing Lin and his adorable little stone figure. I live for the interactions between Cang Ji and the stone figure! it may be a little difficult to read the first time around since the plot gets a little convoluted but it all makes sense in the end! 10/10 really recommend!!

How to Survive as a Villain

transmigration plot! rich ceo gets transported to a novel as the villain emperor and gets buddy buddy with the novel's MC so he doesn't get killed. ends up buddying too close to the sun and accidentally becomes the leading lady. drama ensues!

this is another favorite of mine!! this one is another good mix of angst and romance and the MC is so funny and likeable. there are also two cute side couples which is always fun! (one of them is f/f so it gets extra brownie points with me🤭) its also not too complicated which makes it great for casual reading ^^ p.s. this one has an official eng tl now! its being published thru rosmei (like nanchan) so it has to be ordered thru a 3rd party distributor but I think its worth reading 👀

Living to Suffer/ Till Death Do Us Part

living to suffer: ancient wuxia style prequel where the characters meet as a humble doctor and member of a demonic sect and their fate intertwines. this one has a BE

till death do us part: early to mid 1900s setting sequel. the reincarnated characters meet again as a elementary school teacher and rich playboy and face the struggles of having a relationship. this one has a bittersweet ending

THIS...... OK THESE NOVELS... let me tell you something. this made me SOB. oh my god especially the ending of TDDUP. I saw a review saying "I honestly could believe there lived a Shen Liangsheng and a Ch'in Ching, and that they fell in love..." and hard agree because something about this story felt so real?? which made it all the more intriguing and heartbreaking!! its set around the time of the japanese invasion of china and the cultural revolution so it does talk a lot about politics but it wasn't a difficult read imo. BUT BE WARNED! there is a LOT of smut. (not rly vanilla either..) and the relationship does get pretty toxic at times 😬 but it gets better by the end of the book and the toxicity actually does add to the story and character development. if u give it a try please read the prequel (living to suffer) first!

After Being Forced to Marry the Evil Star General

a deputy prime minister MC who's powerful, high-maintenance, and hated by the public is arranged to marry a laid-back general who is much loved and praised (but also rumored to be cursed!). this is an arranged marriage + enemies to lovers novel

I'm actually in the middle of rereading this one rn 👀. I think this one is also good for casual reading since it isn't very complicated. in the beginning the interactions between the main couple r rly funny because they just clash all day long lol. its also got a little angst sprinkled in 😎👍 I did see some reviews saying that the MC is not likeable since he does some kinda bad things and he's stuck up but I still liked him idk 😭 I feel like his flaws made him more interesting

Married Thrice to Salted Fish

a doctor MC who only wishes to study medicine (and poison oop) gets arranged to marry a guy whos dying. turns out that guy has been taken over by a transmigrator! transmigrator ML then proceeds to die and come back as someone else.. more than once 😭

if you love a couple that schemes together then this is the novel for you! the MC in this book kinda reminds me of the MC from the book I mentioned right above. (these titles too long man 😅) I found the repeated "reincarnation" plot to be pretty interesting. the interactions between the couple were pretty amusing as well and since the ML is from modern times he randomly uses modern slang. MC even picks some lingo up from him loll

Xiao Jiu

about a 9th prince MC whos trying to win the heart of the emperor's cold and aloof bodyguard! call him the prince of rizz because it works eventually 😎 this is an age gap romance with a smidge of angst and political drama

this a short and sweet story! the ML is described as cold a lot but he actually becomes rly sweet and warm later on so he isn't one of those stone faced characters. I don't have much else to say about this besides "its cute, I like it" 😅

Guanshan Muyu

wife-chasing crematorium story! it's about a outlaw MC who's kidnapped by the very guy who betrayed him. ML wants to win MC's heart back but issues from the past cause a bunch of misunderstandings :( but it is a happy ending!!

man.... I haven't read a wife-chasing crematorium story before this and I was not prepared for the amount of ANGST. basically everyone is miserable for the entire damn time! 😭😭😭 but that's not to say it wasn't a good story!! all the suffering made the ending feel even sweeter 🥰 if you cry easily maybe keep a pack of tissues on hand when you read this 😂

I wrote this in my notes app while reading and I feel like it summarizes the ML pretty well bahaha 👇

"qi yan: my girl is mad at me. I hope I die"

It’s Not Easy Being a Master

transmigrator becomes the villainous shizun in a novel he read and attempts to avoid a bad ending but *gasp* the novels MC (ML) has been reborn with all the past memories!! MC tries to get close to ML while ML is like wtf is going on ! seems like a typical "transmigrated as a villain" type plot until suddenly it's not... 👀👀

this one was rly fun! there's a big plot twist that I found rly interesting and unique! very fresh!! fresh produce!! 🥒🫑🥕🍅 I also like the MC a lot he had a rly silly personality hehe. I think this novel is good for people who like solving mysteries alongside the characters since a lot of hints are dropped throughout

Golden Stage/ Terrace

arranged marriage between a court dog and a general who's become phsyically disabled. everyone knows that the two HATE each other... but do they really? 👀 no, it's not an enemies to lovers, but the other characters seem to think so! 🤭

great novel!! very good!! I love the dynamic between the main couple! they love to banter so their interactions are entertaining. there's a bit of political plot but it's nothing too complicated and the angst is minimal. I also like that one of the main characters is a ambulatory wheelchair user. this one also has a official eng tl now but I'm not sure from which publishing house

Sharing Rain and Dew

MC whos staying in the palace dies a painful death but then gets reborn several months in the past. he spends his time stressing about his impending death but for some reason the Emperor has suddenly become super clingy and doting

this one is very very short, only 5 chapters + 3 extras, but it's quite funny and cute. despite being so short the story is actually pretty interesting? good for a quick, casual read

list over!! I have a few more but this is already too long of a post 😭 I hope someone can find this helpful for some reading recs!

[iikatsukii]

illicit love

synopsis: what are the odds of someone confusing you for a world famous scientist, kidnapping you, and sending you to another planet at age 18? apparently it’s very high odds because that’s exactly how you found yourself on pandora. 

pairings: lo’ak x femhuman!reader

warnings: mentions of death, mentions of child abandonment, swearing, kidnapping (accidental)

word count: 4,000

a/n: this is gonna be a series... this is only the prologue, please bare with me. ik lo'ak isnt in this part like at all but he will be in the next part i alr writing it.

pt. 2

theodora willisin was grace's apprentice before grace got a location change to pandora. though theodora was sad, grace promised to send back as much intel as possible to keep up with her studies and eventually join grace in exploring pandora one day. 

it took theodora 10 years, but by 26, she was on a cryo ship, being sent off to pandora. she didn't have any rda affiliation. she was just a young 16-year-old girl who had admired grace's studies. one day she decided to take all her savings in hopes that she could walk into grace's office and beg on her knees, explaining how she left her whole life behind to become grace's apprentice. grace, of course, loved the enthusiasm and accepted her immediately. 

during her time on earth, theodora became a very well-known scientist. she was famous for her studies on the na'vi. she was so well-informed for someone who lived on earth. of course, her studies were only fueled by grace's information. this wasn't a secret, but the girl made groundbreaking discoveries regarding language, fluency, and pronunciation. and don't get me started on her wildlife studies. she and grace could talk about trees when they studied together on earth, and she couldn't wait until she got to pandora to discuss everything new she had learned with grace.

but there was one thing that theodora hated that she had to leave behind. her two-month-old baby. nobody knew she was pregnant except her mother. bless be to eywa that her mom was an obstetrician (a baby-delivering doctor). she hid her pregnancy from the world, and thank god she had a good workout routine and breastfed a lot because that helped her shed all her pregnancy weight just in time for her to be shipped out to pandora. theodora dressed herself in disguise and dropped her baby off in the early morning hours on the steps of her neighborhood firehouse. by the time she got home from abandoning her baby, she had to shower and get ready, so she would get on the ship by her assigned boarding time. 

as horrible as theodora felt about this, she tried to look on the bright side. going to pandora to pursue her studies was her dream. she has an avatar growing on pandora, ready for her upon her arrival. she was finally living her dream, and nothing could ruin it.

except something could. the trip to pandora and getting settled had been a success. theodora was living her best life researching, studying, and living on the planet she had spent her entire life studying. unfortunately, when she got here, she was given the heartbreaking news that her boss had been killed in a war that broke out. she was the last and only person to get on that previous cryo capsule. the natives saw the ship in the night and set out to destroy the sky people who dared to land here right after they had sent everyone back. 

when they got to the ship, it was empty, but there were traces of human life trailing in the direction of the lab. jake decided to investigate the situation himself. when he arrived, he was met with max and norm, which had a new person with them, and they quickly explained. they said that theodora was merely a scientist who studied under grace when she worked on earth. she had no weapon training, but she dedicated her life to studying the planet, the people, and the culture. theodora posed no threat to the na'vi. she wanted to join their everyday life and help, maybe even become one of the people. 

of course, that was wishful thinking because neytiri was very hard on the young scientist. giving the human attitude and throwing threats around as if they were compliments. the young scientist knew this was nothing personal as the na'vi had just gone through a war with sky people, so she never took anything to heart. hadn't gotten to use her avatar yet as she was still gaining the trust of the clan's people. she decided to occupy her time, so she went on walks in the forest to study the trees. 

unfortunately, one day she got way too close to a baby thanator that was asleep on its own by a stream. the mother, hunting nearby, caught a whiff of the unusual scent near her cub. one thing led to another, and there was one less human on pandora. but as theodora's life flashed before her eyes, she couldn't find it in herself to care because she could only think about her daughter. the one who she abandoned and didn't even give a chance at a happy childhood. she remembered the letter she had written and left with her baby. she wished she had written more. she wished she had written about how she was ticklish and an adorable baby. she wished she had written about how she was easy to care for. she wished she had written about how she never cried. she can wish and wish and wish all she wants, but it kills her on the inside that the only thing she had written was

'her name is y/n.'

jake was upset because he knew max liked having someone back at the lab again, given that norm was usually out studying in his avatar form. he could do nothing; it's not like a native killed her. her death was an accident. neytiri said it was eywa, getting rid of the skydemon from their home. max couldn't bring himself to get rid of her avatar, so he left it in the corner of the lab, knowing nobody would ever be able to use it. it was a memory of her. 

you were walking out of the mall, having just gone shopping for the party you were invited to this weekend. it was the talk of the campus, the biggest frat was having a huge party, and it was invite-only. if you got invited, you were on another fucking level. did you really know what that meant? no. did that matter, though? absolutely fucking not. you were just ready to get blackout drunk with your friends after the stressful week of finals everyone just had. and you and your friends were the only freshmen to be invited, so you had to go!

you were at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change when you considered taking a different way back to campus. you figured it wouldn't do any harm, and honestly, the change in scenery was lovely. you got to walk through the park and see the wildlife. you even got approached by a few stray kittens weaving in between your feet. you laughed as their fur tickled your ankles, but your attention was stolen by a man in what looked like jungle exploration gear??

"theodora? theodora!! oh my god! i thought they sent you to pandora years ago," he said as he shook your shoulders. 

"um? i'm sorry, who are you?" you asked the man, currently regretting your decision to walk back to campus a different way. 

"oh, that's not important right now. there's an empty cryo capsule because someone bailed at the last minute. i thought you were on pandora already!! come on, the scientists will be stoked that i found you here and brought you with me!!" he said as he dragged you into this weird-looking corporate building.  

the weird jungle dude passed you to other scientists dressed in white scrub suits. you don't know what is going on; you just want out! you cannot miss this party this weekend. your entire reputation counted on it. 

"ms. willisin i'm gonna give you a rundown on everything that is going on. this is the first ship that were sending to pandora in the past 18 years so things may be a bit hectic. you are going to go into a cryo capsule that yu will be held in until you reach your destination you know everything else any questions? no? good? get in the capsule," the scientist said as he started to push you into the capsule, but you resisted. 

"i don't know who you think i am but my name isn't willisin–" 

"you're right. your name is theodora. now get in the damn capsule. i don't get paid enough for this," he said as he fought against you to get you in the capsule. unfortunately for you, the man was stronger than you, so he managed to get you in the capsule and slammed the door shut before you could even register everything happening. 

"let me out!! my name isn't theodora. you have the wrong mother fucker!!! it's cold in here. get me out of this box!!" your screams were useless as the cryo capsules were soundproof so that the rocket's takeoff wouldn't affect the passengers. you felt weaker and weaker as the cold consumed you until you started to fall asleep. the rumble of the ship only aided in putting you to sleep, but the last thing you saw before you closed your eyes, looking out the window in your capsule, you saw the planet you live on. earth. 

why can i see earth right now?!?!

that was the last thought to pass through your head before you fell into a deep sleep.

you feel weird when you wake up again, almost like you're floating. bright lights block your vision as you feel hands frantically moving your body to get you out of your capsule. you were barely awake as you walked, basically dragged, around this weird science lab. "sit here and don't move. the head scientist will tell you what to do next." the woman said before she walked away. by the time she turned the corner, you were at least cognizant enough to know what was happening. your memory from before you fell asleep started flooding your mind again as 

these people kidnapped me. am i even still in our solar system?? where the fuck am i?

so many thoughts drowned your mind, but one thing was clear to you. 

you gotta get out of here, but you knew you had to be smart about this. 

"theodora! hello, it is wonderful to meet you. wow, you look great for 44 years old. is that how scientists dress on earth now?" the man who seemed to be the head scientist approached you, hand extended in a greeting. you firmly shook it, playing your role and faking a laugh at his joke.

if i act like this theodora person. they'll pay less attention to me, and i can find an opening to leave. but i know nothing about her! 

you were stumped, that is, until the man next to you started listing off every accomplishment and groundbreaking discovery 'you' had made. that's your ticket, though. he mentioned that this theodora person was obsessed with trees and made some huge discoveries regarding them, so why not play that card?

you smiled brightly at the scientist before you and cut off his praise. 

"excuse me, dr…?" you said, trying to get his name.

"naylor. dr. naylor"

"dr. naylor, i would absolutely love to sit here and chat with you about… me, but i am just dying to see the trees in person, so if you would excuse me." you said as you slowly started to walk towards a door in the room that looked like an exit.

"that's fine, dr. willisin, don't forget your mask!" dr. naylor said, pointing at a mask that was hanging on the wall. you simply nodded and placed the mask on your face as you attached the bulky pack thing to your hip.

as soon as you were outside, you walked toward the forest line, casually waving at scientists who gave you weird looks, probably due to your attire. still, you could care less because you weren't even supposed to be here. 

as you got a few feet into the trees, you looked back to make sure you were completely out of sight before you started running as fast as you could. god bless that you were athletic, having earned a track scholarship at usc and being the most scouted track star in america. you had some legs on you, so you weren't planning on stopping soon. that is until you stop because an arrow gets shot into the tree right before you. you looked around to see where it came from, noticing a blue figure hiding in the shadows. you didn't even think twice about running. if your love for horror movies taught you anything, it was that you do not stop when you hear a noise in the distance. you run faster than your ass can carry you and pray to any god out there that whatever the hell is trying to kill you would kindly stop.

you didn't know how long you had been running and dodging arrows until one of them struck you in your left arm. it, thankfully, had been a smaller arrow. at least in comparison to the others you had seen as you had been running. it went through your arm cleanly, and even though it hurt like a bitch, the adrenaline you were feeling right now made it feel more like someone pinched you really hard rather than being shot in the arm.

running for just a few minutes more, you moved the branches and leaves out of your way until you came up to what looked like an empty, abandoned lab. it looked the same as the one you had left earlier, so you assumed it was a lab. 

you busted your ass, sprinting to the door as arrows were shot by you, one skimming your calf and another grazing your cheek. quickly, you clutched the door's handle, swung it open, and slammed it shut behind you. the arrows had ceased. whoever was trying to kill you gave up. you finally give yourself a minute to catch your breath, and as your adrenaline dies down, you start to feel every scratch and cut on your body. not to mention the arrow that was stuck in your arm. 

you can't believe this is happening right now. first, you're kidnapped from your home planet, then you're trying to escape an arrow attack, and now you're standing in this lab making eye contact with two men, one who looked like yet another scientist and another who was wearing similar exploration gear as the guy you saw before you were so horribly kidnapped. 

"are you fucking kidding me?! i ran all that way just to end up in another fucking lab?"

the two men standing before you were in shock. not only was there a human girl standing in front of them, but she looked an awful lot like theodora. the two men's attention was caught when they heard you groaning in pain. 

"who are you?" the explorer guy asked you, still in his shocked state of mind. 

"what do you mean who am i just ran from here. and tell your trigger happy friends out there to knock it off with the arrows this shit hurts!!" you said as you sat on the steps in front of the door. you applied pressure on your leg injury so you could at least slow the bleeding. 

"we haven't had visitors in over 18 years. i'm gonna ask you again who you are." this time it was the scientists who spoke up. 

god, you were starting to hate these scientists, explorers, and everything else on this planet.

what planet even is this? it didn't even matter to you. you just wanted to be home. 

"that doesn't matter. what day is it? i have a frat party this weekend and these crazy fuckers kidnapped me and put me on a ship that was leaving earth!" you said, annoyed that they weren't answering your question?

"well, first, why don't we introduce ourselves, yeah?" the explorer spoke again. your eyes moved to him, and if looks could kill, boy, would he be dead. "my name is norm, i'm an anthropologist, and i focus most of my studies on nature and the natives of this planet."

the other man spoke up next. "um, my name is max. i am a civilian scientist on this planet. i'm in charge of the linking between humans and their avatars?" 

"humans, avatars, anthropology. what the hell is this shit? just tell me where i am and what fucking day it is." norm and max hadn't had to deal with the wrath of an angry woman in a while, so they were just about as terrified as when they had first met natives.

"you're on pandora. it's 2193. what year was it when you left?" max said after swallowing his fear.

"its been six fucking years??!?! i was 18 years old when i fucking left!!!"

"well… happy birthday?" norm tried to lighten the mood, but something in your head clicked; you had never heard of a planet called pandora. 

"am i even still in earth's solar system?" 

"no, you're 4.37 light-years away. look, we don't know how you got here. we havent had any outside contact with earth in ages so whatever scientists you came from are not associated with us."

"bullshit, there's shit everywhere in here that says rda on it and that was the name of the people who took me. i saw it all over their techy nerd stuff. you're lying so you can get me to go back there. you guys robbed me of six years of my life." you didn't know how to feel. you couldn't feel your body anymore. everything was just so overwhelming. 

"six years is how long it takes to get to pandora. they didn't explain that to you when you boarded the ship?" norm question, to you, was stupid because you had just answered that.

"do your ears not fucking work? i didn't get on the ship, i was dragged onto it against my will. these idiots kidnapped me because they mistook me for some woman named theodora willisin, and i don't even know who that woman is." you sighed. you were starting to feel tired again, tears filling your eyes. you didn't know where you were or who these people were; you were just tired, and the injuries you sustained weren't helping you keep your eyes open. 

your voice was quiet as you spoke again. it was almost inaudible compared to your voice's earlier volume. "please, i'm not even supposed to be here; i just need help. i wanna go home, and this arrow is hurting my arm, and i'm tired and–" you couldn't even finish your sentence before you passed out. 

although they didn't know you, norm and max were quick to come to your aid. it had been several years since they heard that name. they don't know who you were or where you came from, but they couldn't lie and say that they didn't understand why these scientists had mistaken you for theodora. your resemblance was uncanny. norm quickly moved your form from the steps you passed out on. he placed you onto an empty lab table that they had while he snapped max out of his trance, telling him to grab their medical kit. 

the two men patched up your wounds and moved you into the room that theodora used to live in when she lived with them. they closed the door and allowed you to rest. 

max told norm immediately to link with his avatar so he could inform jake about the young girl they found. max wanted to make the natives nearby aware that the girl wasn't even meant to be there. 

norm quickly made it to jake's home, finding the olo'eyktan spending time with his youngest daughter. jake could read the worried look on norm's face and quickly approached the man so he could know what was wrong. 

"what is it?" jake got to the point. 

"there's a human girl in our lab who passed out from arrow injuries." norm said.

"only arrow injuries? did they not kill the skydemon?" neytiri asked when she heard that there was a sky person on their planet again. that could only mean one thing, though. they were all back.

"what do you mean there's a human girl in your lab? kill her you know the rules around here norm there's no acceptions for any skywalkers."

"that's the thing. she's not a skywalker, she's not a sky demon. she's an 18 year old, well now she's 24, but she was a college student who was kidnapped. they mistook her for theodora and she lost six years in cryo. i don't know how she was able to dodge the arrows from your scouts but jake i can't kill that girl. she's harmless. she didn't even know that pandora existed until she woke up from cryo. she's terrified." norm explained to his friend. hoping jake could find it in him to let norm and max just take care of the girl.

"norm–" jake started, but norm cut him off

"look, we can't send her back, it's impossible, just let us raise her. she won't come near the people. she won't cause any issues. it'll be as if she's not here. i had to come tell you because she was almost killed trying to escape the people who kidnapped her."

"her mask has a tracker in it. she will lead them to your lab." neytiri voiced. over time she had grown fond of norm and max, them being the only skypeople trusted. she didn't want this skydemon to harm those she cares for, especially after norm said they mistook her for that scientist who died all those years ago.

neytiri hated theodora. the woman was clumsy, always walking around making trouble for herself that others would have to save her from, and now there's another one. another cursed skydemon is here to destroy her home. she would not stand for it. neytiri stood from her place next to tuk and walked over to her bow and arrows. jake looked over to his mate, seeing how she was walking out of their home with her weapon. "woah, hey, neytiri. hold on a second, just wait." jake said to his wife. 

"no. i shall go kill that girl like i meant to do with the last one," she said, but norm spoke before she could leave. 

"her mask doesn't have a tracker! we checked it after she passed out and even broke it and i threw it far away somewhere just for good measure but from the looks of it they gave her one without a tracker because they thought she was that famous scientist."

“see, ma neytiri, mawey. it is okay. they said they would keep her there. there's no need to interfere if she isn't a threat. she doesn't want to be here just as much as you don't want her here yawne." jake said, soothing his mate's tense shoulders, feeling her release her breath, giving in to his comfort. 

 "she wont bother you guys. we'll make sure she has boundaries and never crosses onto native territories. we'll even give her one of our tracker masks so we can keep an eye on her. just please don't kill her. for some reason she means a lot to max. i think he's seeing something that i'm not. that's not important, just please if she wanders off i will be the one to go get her. just don't kill her. please." norm was begging at this point. to neytiri, it was weird, but she assumed it was because he really meant what he was saying. jake was already convinced, so once neytiri put her bow and arrows down, the tension in the room dissolved. everyone could finally release the breath they had been holding. 

"thank you." norm said before he made his way to his ikran, flying back to the lab.

[yns-world]

'Till Death Do Us Part

Pairing: Johnny Silverhand x Fem!Idol!Reader part 1 and part 2 A/N: V goes by she/her pronouns. Y/S/N = Your Stage Name Bold Italics is Johnny speaking. WC: 1.5k this was requested by the lovely @diabolusdevia, i hope you enjoy :)

When V was first introduced to Johnny’s engram, she was overwhelmed with this indescribable rage; a rage so deep and sharp that she was afraid it would kill her right that second.

But like the waves of a summer storm, the pounding rage gave way to a duller, more prominent feeling in the background— a profound feeling of anguish that consumed her.

The anguish was followed with memory after memory of a woman— a woman that performed side-by-side Johnny, a woman that was curled into his side— those memories gave V the tiniest bit of hope, before those feelings were ultimately crushed by the images of the same woman crying and lashing out.

V’s eyes flicked back and forth as she processed the memories, and she felt and heard everything that Johnny was feeling in those moments. She could feel the nostalgia that Johnny experienced, she could feel the love and adoration he still felt for her even when the woman was pushing him away.

The memories of the woman faded out, and all that was left was an empty gray space of time. V expected Johnny’s last memories to be of the Arasaka bombing, but no. 

Johnny’s last memory was of a bird’s eye view of that same woman, walking out of the very tower he would destroy. 

In that memory, V’s heart was torn to shreds before they were spat in hate and resentment.

“Y/N L/N.” V whispered, and she immediately felt the aching of her heart.

“Y/N L/N, Y/S/N, Mother of Cyberpop, key to my heart. Architect of my death. That heartbreaker goes by many names.” Johnny reiterated, appearing next to V and lighting a cigarette.

“I think that bombing is what killed you but okay…” V thought to herself, but only earned a scoff from Johnny.

“I can see and everything that pops up in your mind, wise ass.” Despite the harsh tone, Johnny carried a longing in his own mind. 

Johnny would never admit it to himself, but V was witnessing every fleeting thought that Johnny experienced every waking second, and they were all immersed in Y/N.

Where V had thoughts of survival and how to get rid of the terrorist in her head, Johnny could do nothing but replay the last few years of his life. And among those few years, all he thought about was Y/N.

It was nonstop, V couldn’t even hear her own thoughts. 

“Enough!” V shouted, startling the both of them. “It’s been 40 fucking years! You still haven’t moved on?”

“It hasn’t been 40 years for me. The Arasaka bombing happened just yesterday. Just yesterday I saw her for the first time in a year.”

V rubbed her face in agony.

“Does Y/N still make music?” Johnny’s question took V by surprise, but what was even more shocking was the twinkle in his eyes at the thought of listening to Y/N’s velvet voice once again.

“Not that I know of.”

And just like that, Johnny’s hope shriveled up and was tossed to the side just like the rest of his emotions.

“How about we go find her and ask her yourself?” The words just slipped out of V’s mouth without a second thought and her heart jumped at the worst case scenario. The last thing she wanted to do was upset an already ticking terrorist.

Johnny lifted his head and looked at V with a stone-cold face and for a second, V thought he was plotting to kill her right then and there.

“Alright kid. Let’s do it.”

It didn’t take a visit to a fixer to find Y/N, a simple internet search was all that was needed to find out that she was residing at a nursing home out in the countryside by the sea.

It was a 10 hour drive to get there, but Johnny didn’t let V have a wink of sleep once they arrived. 

Sleep deprived and urgently being pushed through the entrance, V walked up to the front desk.

From the outside, the residence was a beautiful building that sat by itself on acres of open land. The sea was only a few hundred feet from the building, and there were miles of beautiful grass dotted with trees. The wind carried the smell of salt and tranquility, and eased both the minds of V and Johnny.

At the front desk of the lavish lobby, V introduced herself. “Hi, I’m here to see Y/N L/N.”

The secretary’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh? And what is your relation?”

V’s brain started scattering around for a response before she sheepishly responded. “Uh…I’m a family friend.”

The secretary sent a suspicious look but didn’t prod further.

“Right this way.” The secretary ushered V—and Johnny—to follow her outside to the backyard. 

Sitting on a bench under a tree, an elderly woman stared out at the gray sea.

“Ms. Y/N, you have a visitor.” The secretary calmly approached the woman, to which she glanced over at the visitor in question before turning her gaze back to the sea.

“She’s a quiet one, doesn’t speak much.” The secretary noted before leaving them alone.

V took a step forward, but Johnny stood back, frozen.

With a glance back at Johnny, V spoke.

“Hi, Ms. L/N. I’m V.” 

Seconds passed with silence. V thought she hadn’t heard her and was about to repeat herself when a soft voice spoke out.

“V…short for Valerie?”

Under normal circumstances, V would lash out at the mention of her real name, but this time she kept her mouth shut. 

“Yes, Valerie.”

A few more seconds, and then— “What a beautiful name.” The ends of Y/N’s lips curved just slightly into a hint of what could be called a smile, but was gone with the next wind.

“Uh..thanks.”

“Sit, child.”

V did as she was told, and looked back to see Johnny but he was already gone. Weird.

Neither of them spoke for the next few minutes, and V relished in that peace. There was no expectation to fill the silence. The two women stared out at the sea, lost in their own thoughts. 

Except V’s thoughts were not her own, rather they were Johnny’s scatterbrained anxiety running a mile a minute. 

It was clear that Johnny wasn’t coming out anytime soon, and there was no point in waiting it out. Might as well rip the band aid off now.

“This might sound crazy…but just hear me out,” V took a deep breath before continuing, “Johnny…Johnny Silverhand is technically alive…” V didn’t know whether to stop or tell her the full truth, but there was no point in omitting anything now. “His soul resides in an engram that’s in my head.” V pointed to the microchip slot behind her ear.

V wasn’t expecting an immediate response, but minutes had passed without a reaction and worry began to brew in both V and Johnny.

“This was a stupid fucking idea. Why the fuck did we come here in the first place. I doubt she even remembers me. Why would she remember me? Why would she even want to remember me? After the hell I put her through-”

Johnny’s usual cold persona was beginning to crumble and it felt worse than the shitty attitude V had to put up with. 

But breaking through Johnny’s spiral was that same soft, steady voice.

“I believe you.”

V was gobsmacked and Johnny immediately materialized next to her. 

“What- how-” V stammered.

“You just have a feeling about these things.” That same, small smile graced Y/N’s lips, but this time, they were accompanied with the flow of tears. “Oh, Johnny.” She whispered.

“I’m right here, baby.” Johnny was kneeling in front of Y/N holding onto her knobby, fragile hands. His own face stained with parallel trails of tears— trails of the pain he’s endured, with and without her. 

“You want to tell her anything?” V thought to Johnny.

At the moment, Johnny made firm eye contact with Y/N but spoke through V’s mouth.

“I’ve never stopped loving you, my sweet little rockstar. Not once, not ever.”

V and Johnny sat on the bench, underneath the tree, closest to the sea.

Johnny’s fingers brushed over the newly-made plaque—

“Y/N L/N, Y/S/N, and key to our hearts.”

“Guess we gotta give her a drink at the Afterlife, now.” V stated with a sniffle.

“It’s the least she deserves.”

“One Y/S/N and One Johnny Silverhand, coming right up!” Claire shouted before heading back to get the ingredients.

“Pink lemonade, a dash of vodka, and a pretty green lime.” Both Claire and V recited at the same time.

“Enjoy.” Claire smiled and pushed her Y/S/N’s drink.

“To Y/S/N and Johnny, the coolest rock stars to have ever lived.” V clinked glasses with Claire and threw her head back. 

a/n: i hope you enjoyed! if you did, please consider reblogging since it helps my account! :) DON'T BE A GHOST READER!!!! i would love to hear your thoughts and opinions, and comments are what keep writers going <3 i'm open to cyberpunk requests so feel free to send me one &lt;3 as always, have a great day and i'll see y'all in the next one <3

[loving-family-poll]

Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 1

Norma and Norman Bates sculpture by artist "Rainman," titled Murderer

Propaganda under the cut:

Dante/Vergil:

The entire game is about how the power of twincest and a little gratuitous dadson/unclenephew can overcome the cycle of generational trauma

They are half-human half-demon twins who got split up when they were 8. Dante is the more normal one although he is mega depressed and doesn't like being around full human people. Vergil is kind of the evil twin although he is not that evil

They meet again when they are 19 and fight a few times and generally seem like they don't like each other (at one point Dante says "how about a kiss from your little brother" before pulling out a gun) but later on they team up and act like the brothers they once were

Vergil jumps into the demon world (and it's implied that it's a kind of suicide attempt, I think) and stops Dante from reaching for him. Dante is very emo about this and basically considers Vergil dead. He then names his devil hunting business Devil May Cry after how he cried because of Vergil

10 years later Dante comes across a brainwashed Vergil and kills him, not recognizing that it was Vergil until he is dead and gone. Dante is very emo about this

Like 10 years after this Dante comes across Vergil's accidental kid and acts like a distant enigmatic uncle toward him. Like 5 years after that, Vergil is back and splits himself in half, and when one half tells Dante that the evil demon they need to stop is Vergil's other half, Dante gets super pissed at him because he thinks he's lying and doesn't like people using Vergil's name in vain, I guess.

Eventually, both halves of Vergil recombine and he and Dante fight again but Vergil's son tells them to stop doing that and they're just like "okay".

Then a portal is opening to the demon world so someone has to go there and stop it but they'll be trapped there. Both Vergil and Dante go. Vergil tells Dante he doesn't need his help and that he can leave but Dante is like "no 🥰". We see them fighting in hell (in a friendly way) and fighting other demons together, just generally having a good time. Currently, they are still trapped there.

TLDR: Dante is very depressed when it comes to Vergil because he's lost him like 3 times and just wants Vergil to be alive and with him. At the end of the last game, Dante is super genuinely happy with Vergil in the demon world. We see less of Vergil's side of things, but he loves and hates Dante because he feels inferior to him (for mommy issue reasons). Vergil only smiles around Dante and honestly likes fighting him for fun. There's a lot more I could say but this is already so long so... They are complicated but they love each other <3

Norma/Norman:

The weirdest, most charming mother/son duo ever. Bates Motel took an interesting story and turned it into something greater, exploring Norma and Norman's relationship with sincere sympathy. Their love for each other is beautiful, but destructive; their intimacy was born out of necessity and shared pain; the world won't leave them alone. It's awful to witness. It's beautiful and heartbreaking.

i mean COME ON. Norma is constantly upset that Norman expresses interest in other women. She hid her husband from Norman because she knew Norman would throw a hissy fit over them being together (which he did)

He tried to commit murder-suicide so they could die together and when he survived he taxidermied her corpse so they could be together forever

Norman “It’s like there’s a cord between us” x Norma “Honey that’s - that’s from Jane Eyre” are everything to me. I’m barely scratching the surface in doing justice to their insanity. They mean everything to each other and I love their fucked-up codependency so dearly.

After he killed her he couldn't live without her so literally absorbed her personality and started wearing her clothes and speaking for her and carrying her corpse around and when a woman he was attracted to showed up at the hotel he killed her as his mother bc of his mother's jealousy??

[reilleclan-blog]

They are just dancing ur honor

YEAH THE DANCE WITH DEATH or OF DEATH

um i genuinely love this series i think the devs made a game not to "hype up" their main character which a lot of games and story telling does, but they made a game about changing and perspective and I respect them a lot for that. B/c these are just ppl trying to survive not superheroes or op characters. Not that there's anything wrong with stories like that i just think stories like that have gotten old.

So yes Ellie changes Abby changes but I still love the characters a lot , at times I wished Ellie stayed with Dina but I'm like maybe that's just what she needed to do to finally change/let go of the past and further more forgive Joel. It was heartbreaking to see Ellie leave Dina cause I loved their dynamic and how often does unrequited love work out lol. But I don't blame either one for their choices I was upset with Ellie but it is what it is. It makes me think like "yes this person has changed but they are still the person I knew. So do I want to keep them in my life or let them go" kinda thing.

And all power to the audience but I think ppls discourse of the game was a little biased. Everyone hated Abby which yes she killed Joel. (Oh yeah and everyone was being transphobic and homophobic in general) and then a lot of ppl were mad Ellie didn't kill Abby(this is just a lot of shit I saw ppl complain about when the story was first released) but no one really talked EVER about a lot of the symbolisms or "coincidences" that happen thru the game.

Like the switch blade and little Ottie the elephant(i think that's its name) symbolizing the innocence of a child and showing Ellie whos changed and had to kill over the years

Or the fact that Abby is shown in a Halloween store on the "Seattle day 1"(when showing Abby after Joel's death) reminding me of the left behind dlc and they play around in a Halloween store . Or the parallels of Owen and Abby's relationship to Ellie and Riley when they were younger. And one friend wanting to explore but the other is trying to go back home.

Ellie and Abby both having tank tops on during their final fights lol not that important but yah. There's more but that's all I can remember right now I gotta play the rest of this game on grounded I know I'm gonna get my ass kicked playing that shit. I ususally play on story mode cause I want to enjoy the story lol but sometimes I know I can play on normal I just don't be feeling like it.

I'd honestly give this series a 10/10 it was amazing to experience very heavy subjects and topics talked about mostly is revenge worth it or how much are u willing to change for it.

Also Abby being so caring for the two young Seraphites was so nice to see her being "motherly" and sweet to them but also gruff with the way she talked. And honestly I got a soft spot for Abby idk is it the muscles? Lol and I saw someone say Dina carried her relationship with Ellie I'd say "yes and no" I think they had a lot of "let's clear the air" but never did that b/c Ellie probably didn't want to talk about it and/ or they weren't ready to talk about it. And Ellie was trying so hard to act like nothing was wrong but it clearly was wrong. So yes they were happy together but couldn't let go. I said this already but Ellie was like a warrior that couldn't leave the battlefield cause that's all she was used to. But she didn't really "try" to be happy either. All the killing and murder and brain trauma I doubt a couple months would cure u of the fucked up shit. Trying to heal from trauma takes tim on e but she didn't really give herself that either .. so idk

Also I woke up to a pic of Ellie's leather strap shotty having 20 ppl interact with it so thank u I didn't think much of the post lol I did like the pic a lot tho. I think it's just tlou stuff is super popular either way thanks

This is a lil jokey joke but THEY HAD TO NERF ABBY JUST FOR THESE MFS TO EVEN STAND A CHANCE AGAISNST HER THAT IS SO FUNNY TO ME. ELLIE GOT A DAMN BLADE FIGHTINF A MALNURISHED ABBY BRUH. Lol Abby was just so cold and cool I loved her bruh. But on god if Dina had died cause of Ellie idk if I could've forgiven her character lmao.

Also please I don't care about shipping ship whoever u like I really don't care I don't want to see ppl arguing about ships please. I liked Dina and Ellie but that don't mean I wasn't sad for Jessie losing his girl he clearly still liked Dina lol. I'm just saying I'm very neutral when it comes to shipping characters don't argue with me argue with ya mama

[nahoney22]

Hey! Hope you’re enjoying the new season!

So, who are your top ten clones. GO!

this is gonna be tough and I won’t lie, I can’t pick 10 so it may be top 12 lmao

But, here’s my top 10(12) 😆

10th. Cody - Handsome dude and did break my heart in the prequels. Good soldier, sassy, and would return my lightsaber. 😊 hope he’s safe.

9th. Waxer - my first love and first heartbreak of TCW. Absolute sweetie and would be a great dad. I miss him 💔

8th. Joint at 8th place is Dogma and Fox - two slight controversial characters for some but absolute angels to me. Love writing for Dogma and Foxiyo until I die is what I say. Would smash.

7th. Wrecker - tricky placement. Cute. Handsome. Looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll and could kill me. Bit too loud for me sometimes though. Would cuddle 🤗

6th. Hunter - my type on paper to a T. Handsome and kinda but also moody. Coolest tattoo. Some choices are questionable but a morally good guy imo. Would brush his hair for him ❤️

5th. Wolffe - bark fucking bark. Or howl maybe. Handsome, moody, and a proper son to my favourite Jedi Plo. I need to and have to write/read more fics about him (open to recommendations pls)

4th. Rex - because how can there ever be a top 10 list without him? An OG. A legend. Sweet and a great leader and loyal to a fault. Again, would like to read or write more about him in fics. I’m not into blondes but for him? Yes.

3rd. Fives - oh my beloved fives. The nightmares are finally over. I have never hyperventilated over a characters death before until his. A legend, handsome and funny. I miss him a lot and wish there were more callbacks to him. Nobody would ever know if it wasn’t for him.

2nd. A hard spot to place but for me Echo and Crosshair are joint here. Two big personalities but very different and complex. I do think Echo is my favourite character to write about out of anyone and Crosshair is just… Crosshair. I like a bad guy but also a grey character in my eyes. Would give them both a kiss on the head and a cookie. 🍪

1st. Tech. Tech. Tech. Tech. Surprise surprise. A personal comfort character for me who I miss alot. Could not rewatch the show because of his death and I miss his big stupid brown eyes 😭 handsome, has the coolest gear, would marry. Either love him or hate him. For me, it’s love and beyond.

There you go 😆 again, this is just my personal favourites and I’m sorry if someone you hate is up there or if someone you love isn’t. It was a difficult choice.

Curios to see everyone else’s so feel free to RB and give me your top 10… or 12… or more! Reasons not necessary 😊

Thanks for the ask!

[killingsboys]

You briefly mentioned Gale in your post about Lucy Gray being everywhere (🫶🏻) in District 12 and I wanted to ask what do you think of him as a character. It’s been 10 years since I’ve read the books so I don’t remember exactly how things happened in Mockingjay, but I think it’s unfair how people make everything about the love triangle and in order to praise Peeta for everything he does right, they tend to be really nasty about Gale when imo what happened ~ because ~ of him is really heartbreaking and just shows how war destroys people and who they love. Idk if I’m expressing myself well but I think people do miss the point sometimes. Peeta is a sweetheart but there’s no satisfaction to me in simplifying everything that happen by calling Gale a villain or a toxic guy. This sounds so boring sorry, I just loved your post about Lucy okay? Please yes talk more about books here next year! 💌

hi anon!! thank you for your kind words <3 and thank you for your question! i have THOUGHTS about gale so i am soooooo ready to talk about him <3

first and foremost i am & always have been a peeta girlie, he is truly one of the greatest fictional characters of all time and i'll die on that hill. but i actually do like gale, and i think he gets a very bad rap in fandom!

i think the first mistake people make is assuming that katniss/peeta/gale is a love triangle. it isn't. the struggle of katniss choosing between peeta & gale isn't actually about "omg who will she end up with" but about the life she will choose for herself. katniss herself explains it in mockingjay: it's about choosing the dandelion in the spring, or the fire. she chooses the dandelion in the spring because she needs hope to sustain her. she has enough of her own fire; adding someone else's to it will only hurt her in the end. that doesn't mean she doesn't love gale in one way or another. that doesn't even mean that she condemns the fire. she is the fire! it only means that ending up with gale would hurt the both of them.

gale is not a bad character, and he is not a bad person. it's insane to me that people think he's a bad person, actually! he's a traumatized child whose father was killed in the mines and who has spent the formative years of his life risking his life to break the law so he can provide for his family. exactly like katniss. and he's angry about it. but not angry in an abstract way — he's angry in a directed way, in a way that makes him want to change the world they live in. and he should! that's the whole point of the series!

gale spends most of the first games with katniss's family, because he loves her and he loves them and he doesn't want them to be alone. he promises he won't let katniss's family go hungry if she dies. he takes extra tesserae so his younger siblings won't have to, even though they could use the extra food and fuel, even though it puts him at additional risk. he leads 800 scared, hungry, injured people out of district 12 when they're firebombed. when the bombs are coming for district 13, he goes upstairs to check katniss's family's compartment to make sure they're all safe and to grab the things most precious to katniss and her family, risking his own life in the process. he throws himself over katniss when the bombs drop in district 8 and follows her up to the warehouse roof without pause. he lies for her, a thousand times. he follows her across the capitol on the pipe dream of killing president snow. he doesn't hate katniss for her relationship with peeta — he even says that he knows he can't hate her, that it wasn't fair to her. he isn't even angry. he's heartbroken. he's an 18 year old boy in love with his best friend and the world keeps on ending and she was sent to die and the only way she could survive was by pretending to love another boy sent to die — and she might not be pretending, and she doesn't know, and gale is caught in all the middle of it. he's allowed to be upset! everything is so messed up!

katniss doesn't agree with everything gale does. neither do i! i don't think killing the people in the nut in district 2 was the right choice, and i'm glad katniss interrupted. but it's very easy to see where gale is coming from. one of the core themes of the series can be summed up with haymitch's repeated question: "who is the enemy?" over the course of the trilogy, we see katniss begin to comprehend the true answer. she starts off challenging the idea that the richer people in her district are the enemy, even though they don't have to take the tesserae. then she thinks it's the kids from the richer districts who are her enemy, but when she kills marvel from district 1, it feels wrong to her because he's also just a child being manipulated and used as a pawn by a violent government. like her. like rue. the enemy is not any of the people dying in the capitol's mines and orchards and factories and arenas. and in mockingjay, katniss realizes that the normal civilians in the capitol aren't even her enemy. the enemy is the ring of people at the very, very top.

where gale goes wrong is he doesn't reach the end conclusion of that. gale hasn't gone into the arena, he hasn't had to face down other scared children to atone for the "sins" of people they never met. he doesn't get it. he never will, not in the way katniss does. so he doesn't find the same answer as her.

and as for the bombs that kill prim. you see. i really, truly do not believe that they are thirteen's bombs. snow's points in his discussion with katniss don't hold up enough for me personally, and knowing as much as we do about snow, i truly do think he was trying to mess with her one more time. but within the confines of the story, it doesn't matter who dropped those bombs. in real life, yes, it would absolutely matter. but within the books, it doesn't. what matters is that it could have been either of them. capitol or thirteen. snow or coin. the point was they were trading one evil for another, and katniss couldn't be made in a pawn in that, too.

but it doesn't matter, because she will always associate that with gale. it isn't fair, because even if it was thirteen's bomb, there was no way he would agree to that, no way he would help to kill children to prove a point. but she cannot help but associate that with gale. and gale, oh gale. he will always think it, too. he will always wonder if he was the man that killed prim. the little girl he helped to take care of for years, almost another sibling to him. the little girl he helped katniss bring lady the goat home to. the little girl he would not have let starve if katniss died. the little girl he led to safety when the firebombs dropped on district twelve. he will live the rest of his life having to think he is responsible for her death.

i find gale to be one of the most tragic characters in the series. he tries so hard, to take care of the people he loves, to help others, to build something worth having. and he loses very nearly everything for it. and then the fandom vilifies him and treats him like he's worse than president snow. when really, gale was just another exploited, traumatized child whose life was warped and twisted and burned by the capitol.

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble Bus Meta eps 4-10

That’s right, Whomst is BACK, my Lost Tomb fics-in-progress are THRIVING, and this new show is shaping up to be one of my favorite series of the year: it’s the heartbreaking supernatural storylines, it’s the humor and actors’ chemistry, and importantly, it’s the way the show is telling us so much without saying a word.

So here’s another post *flings it into the tumblr abyss* because this show is sneakily showing us Yiyong and Guangyan’s relationship growth through the metaphor of the Taipei public bus system. They’re insane for it and I’m insane for rewatching all the episodes to find scenes where these idiots are on a bus together.

The Bus as a Site of Trauma

It's significant that buses are an important site already for Yiyong, before the main events of the drama begin. A bus was the site of his worst memory, the bus crash that killed his father and landed Yiyong and his grandfather in the hospital, the bus they were on because Yiyong slept in (which he hasn't forgiven himself for).

The main reason Yiyong wasn’t hurt worse or killed, as far as I can tell, is because he moved out of the path of the collision just before it happened—his kind dad urged him to go have a seat in the back rather than stand. It's the last communication he has with his father--silent, a text message, a surly teen grudgingly listening to his parent. And then the freak accident happens, the plane collides with the bus, and Yiyong's world collapses.

So what about post-coma, when he starts riding the bus again?

When he’s alone, he's returning to and grieving the memory of his dad’s last moments. When he’s with Guangyan, however, the experience is different.

First Bus Stop Encounter: Ep 4

Things are tense between them here—it’s their first case together (tattoo lady), and Guangyan is still in denial about what the hell is going on right in front of his sweater vest. I love my fussy, self-absorbed neurotic meow meow.

These boys are still not friends, they are constantly thinking back to and remembering their high school drama years, BUT this is also the episode where the nature of the supernatural case makes Guangyan’s curiosity overcomes his fear and dislike of Yiyong; on the other side of it, Yiyong—still figuring out his own deal as an on-call spectral scribe—gets the reassurance of another person who knows what’s going on and can help. Despite the mutual antagonism, he always acknowledges that Guangyan is smart, and he could use a braincell or two on this team (so sad he won't get it).

The very awkward beginning to their bond is apparent here in the way Yiyong (freshly unemployed) has waited for Guangyan’s bus back from school to get his input, but has to threaten him into walking back together and helping out.

First Bus Ride Together: Still Ep 4

On the way back from looking at the John Doe body, they ride the bus together—but start out sitting far apart. They’ve only just started working together to figure out what happened to the John Doe, so it’s incredibly awkward and there’s a lack of communication between them.

However, we can see the beginnings of a softening between them. Behold Guangyan’s little pout when he sees Yiyong hasn’t come to sit with him. His house cat energy is off the charts here: “I hate him I hate him I hate—WHY ISN’T HE SITTING WITH ME???”

Yiyong, who has clearly not picked up on Anything and is still in case mode, casually starts yelling to Guangyan right there and then about corpses (I love him and his complete lack of care for what people think) and the flustered Guangyan scurries over to sit with him to have this conversation privately, for the love of god.

It’s the first time they sit together and it’s important that Guangyan is the one to initiate it, even if it stems from his fear of what people will think of them.

We still see the pole dividing them, but they’re physically closer now. Yiyong is already using and trusting Guangyan's medical knowledge, and even though they're in the "one step forward, two steps back" phase, it's a start.

The Second Bus Ride Together: Ep 6

The next time is completely different—they’re on their little “stalk the potential kidnapper” date and Guangyan, whose chaotic side is jumping out this episode, is on his usual quest to have Yiyong draw the specter for him.

They’re practically squished in together, with mirroring postures. The pole is now to one side, setting them apart from everyone else.

This is the day that Guangyan skips school to follow Yiyong to a theme park, which we know from his dad is completely out of character. He even comes home with a souvenir toy Yiyong won for him. This is a dynamic that is starting to change.

The Second Bus Stop Encounter: Ep 7

Yiyong’s grandfather has nearly died, and he decides a pre-med student is the best person to get for medical advice. It’s a way of saying without saying, “I trust you, please help me,” which takes the form of Yiyong frantically dragging Guangyan off his bus to school while berating him for not answering his phone. Gotta love this messy little gremlin.

The interesting thing is that Guangyan actually capitulates and goes with him, despite the little performance of protest—he skips school again to be with Yiyong.

The Third Bus Ride Together: Still Ep 7

On their way back from the hospital, we get a fantastic reversal of the first bus ride, where the boys sat down apart and only talked about medical questions. Here, the second they get on the bus, Yiyong casually drags Guangyan to sit with him. He asks Guangyan to video chat with him to help him with a dream, and even gives Guangyan an absent-minded shoulder pat on his way off the bus.

For all his “never in all my life” pearls-clutching act, Guangyan goes along with it and they are once again a united front.

The Third Bus Stop Encounter: Ep 10

Our final bus scene so far (episode 11 and 12 don’t come out until Saturday) is a reversal of the very first “waiting for Guangyan’s bus” scene (see the first bus stop encounter above). The poses are essentially the same, but everything else has changed--the camera view has switched so Yiyong is now on the left and Guangyan is on the right, it's daytime instead of nighttime, and their relationship has grown leaps and bounds.

Look at my babies. The Growth. The fact that they are sitting close together, not because they’re squished into bus seats (plenty of room on that bench, Guangyan honey), but by choice. It’s all about the we statements now, Guangyan has been out there defending Yiyong to the world and Yiyong no longer has to drag him into things, he has a real friend now. They've shared a bed multiple times, Guangyan knows Yiyong's favorite foods, Yiyong has apologized and been vulnerable in front of him...they are at the same bus stop as the beginning of their re-acquaintance, but miles away from what they used to be.

AND it’s in this scene that Guangyan gives Yiyong the cutest, tiniest little smile in response to Yiyong’s sarcastic joke, which absolutely spooks our boy. I know this is supposedly not a BL, but Yiyong’s response that Guangyan shouldn’t make such weird faces at him because it is giving him goosebumps, and abruptly walking away—mmhmm sweetie I’ve been there too.

SO. That’s the bus sequence. I might come back and update this if we get more bus scenes in eps 10 and 11. This will not be my last post on this fantastic show.

[selfshipgushing]

Ughh I have an f/o who was a character I HATED throughout my childhood. Like baby me DESPISED him. I didn't as a very young child, he was like a friend to me. But as I got into fandom stuff [or what I could call fandom stuff anyway] around age 10-11, I hated how everyone loved him and how many people wanted him romantically. Hated who he could have been, which bled into my personal views of him.

And yet I did everything for him. 'I have to keep going through this hard challenge so X will be mad/jealous/I can keep tormenting him in my mind'.

And yet when he finally left, just as he was growing on me, in his last movie instalment, with a woman who safely did not deserve him, I was sad. I missed him almost instantly. I was heartbroken and young me didn't know why, shouldn't I be happy?

Five years on and I realise I was jealous. Jealous of his girlfriend, jealous of the fans who could love him so easily. How EASY it is to love him. How ANNOYING it is to love him.

How now he's returning after giving me a five year heartbreak due to the curse of capitalism I ought to be mad. But I let out the heaviest sigh and a strain I didn't know I had was lifted. I didn't know whether I wanted to kill him or kiss him. Now I'm fully processing that he is, indeed, returning, it's the latter. Conniving a s/i to grab him and smooch him as we speak.

Hate him sm <333

-☕🐸

I don't have any f/os like this but I do have just general characters like this so I get u

[gallopinggallifreyans]

Okay for the ask game, i’d lobe to hear an opinion on assassin’s creed and also an opinion on TLT

Where do I even START

Assassin’s Creed has, no joke, changed my life. I used to be a polisci/international relations major and HATED IT so bad. Picked up the asscreed Ezio trilogy in 2022, changed my major to archaeology, haven’t looked back. The gameplay varies between games, and I think Odyssey has fairly clean fight mechanics but the parkour is lacking; on the flip side, everything pre-Origins has pretty good parkour mechanics. Unity is supposedly the best but I haven’t played that yet. My favourite part about the games is probably the detail that went into building the worlds. Some of the maps aren’t perfectly accurate and that’s okay since they’re built more for gameplay function than historical accuracy (like the maps for AC2 and Brotherhood). Each game is set during weird periods of history that have a lot of blank spaces with so many possibilities. Like Brotherhood focuses a lot on the Borgia family and their scandals, Odyssey plays with the known history of the Peloponnesian War, Origins takes place in that fuzzy time in early Roman Egypt. And the VISUALS, my god. Please watch a playthrough of Revelations. The moonrise over Ayasofya is the best thing you’ll ever see. I regularly climb the minarets just to watch it. I’ve never been to Türkiye but the Grand Bazaar feels so familiar, the environment reminds me of my birthplace, it’s so comfortable. And in AC2, Florence just feels like home. I can run that city with my eyes closed. Don’t even get me started on the music. Home in Florence (AC2 soundtrack) is my study music. I adore these games so much.

TLT might be one of my favourite series and that’s going up against my longtime favourites Jurassic Park and The Martian. I was soooo hesitant to start it and then I did and yknow what? I’m gayer for it. It helped me study for a couple of my bone/evolution related midterms lol. Tazmuir sets up GtN as a murder mystery and I love those; it was a real treat trying to work out who the killer was. I think I texted my dear snootual about a thousand times with theories. HtN opened my third eye and now I’m writing a thing that’s partly inspired by the second person pov fuckery in HtN. It fucks you up on the first read but it’s pretty straightforward after that. NtN killed me. Emotionally, mentally, physically. It was heartbreaking to know we would never see certain characters again, and it was heartbreaking to find out some characters had come back. On top of all that, TLT dives very deep into a few separate mythologies and I appreciate Tazmuir’s inclusion of Hindu mythology. It’s ancient and vast and arguably an influence on quite a few later mythologies, and I feel like that isn’t appreciated enough, but TLT appreciates it to the point I pulled out my copies of the Ramayana and the Mahabharata just to put together some theories.

In conclusion. These are two of my favourite media in the whole wide world. Deeply impacted my psyche. 10/10

[liquidluckandstuff]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thank you for tagging me @racfoam (oh my gosh these are a lot of questions

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have a total of 21 fics 😅

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

182,399.... dayum

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Harry potter and only Harry potter. I'm TRYING to put in effort into other things, but they just don't hold my attention.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Heaven is your sleeping Enemy

Phantom Touch

Just Another Omegaverse Fic

Darlings and Dragons

Found Footage

5. Do you respond to comments? Why? Why not?

I respond to most comments. I love it when people comment. It makes me happy to hear what people think about my fics. or that they are just reading it at all.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Heartbreaking Confession. It has to be one of the shortest things i've ever written but man, there is just no hope.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

His Brave Boy . It just got attention recently due to a tik tok and i CRIED. I love this little one shot so much.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

The only reason i've ever gotten hate on a fic is because people don't want to read tags or think they can dictate how my story is going to progress.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have a whole ass second account for my smut fics thank you very much.

SolidMisfortuneandThings

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I mean it's got Dungeons and Dragons vibes.

The only other cross over fic i've ever written I orphaned along with all my other stuff many years ago.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nah.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! and surprise surprise it was the smut

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sort of? We collaborated and then life happened

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

HARRYMORT. Not tomarry. (i mean i like tomarry and all) but Harry and Voldemort.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One i have saved with 20k words in my documents about Harry having actual prophetic dreams about death because of the killing curse and through that ends up saving the minister of magic and being adopted by Voldemort.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Yo man idk thats too much internal thinking for me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sentence structure. Grammar. Confidence.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't even try. I say either the main character didn't understand it, generalize the conversation, or mention that its in another language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

..... Final Fantasy

20. Favourite fics you’ve written?

DARLINGS AND DRAGONS. IT IS MY BABY AND I LOVE IT

Tagging: @i-dream-of-libraries @cloverwoodss @queasyghosts @reggieblk @zombu7 @vyrid I don't remember everyones tumblr i am so sorry

[justaboutsnapped]

Okay, I'll bite. What's the 'brocedes' thing?

Oh BOY. ok. They're called brocedes because bro (self explanatory) + cedes (they were teammates at Mercedes fighting for the championship) and they are just the most agonising sports yaoi to ever exist... no one can summarise it better than this post can: https://www.tumblr.com/blorbocedes/695765804309004288

while you read it keep in mind that all of this is fucking REAL. all of it can be backed up by sources. they DID go from childhood best friends & karting teammates who went on vacation together to f1 besties living in the same building to bitter teammates (what they've wanted since day one) and rivals who played the most insane mind games. they destroyed each other because they knew each other that well. ig they loved winning more than they loved each other.

there are sooo many details omitted in the rundown that I linked that I constantly lose my mind over too like... yes their relationship was obviously falling apart but they still had incredibly tender/sweet moments in the middle of their warring like??? i wish i'd understand.

They butted heads (or cars i suppose) numerous times over the years but there's one absolutely infamous crash (every reddit bro recounting crashes or whatnot will talk about this one) in Spain 2016, where they took each other out at the very beginning of the race, thus truly cementing the "divorce":

anyways Nico retired almost immediately after winning the championship in 2016 (something practically unheard of) but their story didn't end there. there's nico running from lewis' champagne spray on instinct even though they're no longer friends. there's nico publicly mourning the loss of their friendship, versus lewis going out of his way to find the most convoluted phrasing to avoid mentioning the other by name (he was fooling no one)... there's crofty (well-known pundit) calling brocedes "everything but a lover" on live television, TO NICO'S FACE. there's lewis reminiscing about how racing with Nico in italy was some of the best days of his life (and he put little Nico into his autobiographical picture book. god.) there's nico just knowing that Lewis held his breath on his pole lap in Hungary 2023 before Lewis even said so because of course he'd know him better than anyone else. I can go on and on here because they have years upon years of lore but i shan't.

oh and one of my favourite things: F1's official channel as this wonderful little compilation called "Top 10 Cool Down Room Moments in F1" (the cool down room is for the top 3 finishers of each race) and brocedes appears multiple times. Watch the 2008 clip at 1:40 with them embracing after Nico's first podium finish vs. the 2015 clip at 6:05 where their relationships as teammates were already deterioriating. The difference is heartbreaking.

And finally have some pictures of them over the years:

genuinely devastating comparison edit I made. I hate them so much.

this ad is from the beginning of their stint as Mercedes teammates and it always kills me. they didn't know what was coming. nico, in fact, was confident that they'd stay friends:

The end. hope you enjoyed this sort of lengthy and incoherent answer to your question. I'm going to now throw myself out the window.

[lamuliz]

you understand i am never going to recover from the last words the narrator heard being stanley’s rejection of his forgiveness??? am i reading that right? brilliant . heartbreaking. 10/10, i hate it

To calm your heart a little bit, that is meant to be a thinking box. Stanley didn't have the heart to tell him that out loud. However, the thought is very intense and loud so its not very clear in the comic.

Despite the mess he has going on in his broken head he's still a kind soul, I promise. The sane part of his mind would come out every time Narry talked to him. I think this makes it somehow more heartbreaking but its true. Stanley didn't want to kill anyone.

"I've killed me countless of times before i could even think of this."

[jiminsproof]

tag game 📺

I was tagged by Heather @summerwave to list 10 TV shows so that you besties could get to know me better! Thank you my dear, hope that this week has been good to you so far 💗🫂

Here goes:

Hannibal (nobody is surprised). I'm obsessed with this series, I know dialogues by heart, probably my ultimate favourite. I don't even know how many times I watched it but it's a LOT. Especially season 3, my favourite (where does the difference between the past and the future come from? ... mine? before you and after y- [gets dragged off stage])

Good Omens. I have just recently watched season 2 and it ripped my heart out in the best way possible!! I loved it, very cathartic, can't wait for s3 to fix this mess though 😭

Fleabag. Another TV series that I've watched very recently but moved me in many ways! Really heartbreaking and hilarious at the same time!!

The Untamed. One of the best character development I've seen! I loved how everyone got to explain their side of things, it was very refreshing and interesting to see. ALSO LAN XICHEN IS MY CHILD (and Wuxian obviously, mental illness bisexual king, also shoutout to the best line ever aka: If I am doomed to death, then I could at least be killed by you, that would be worth it 💯💯💯😧😧😧🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 ATE. PEAK ROMANCE)

Killing Eve. I hated the ending but I loved the series for most of it! And I especially loved Eve's journey in this, it was so fascinating to watch her change!

Bad Buddy. Such an amazing TV series aka modern (and gay) retelling of Romeo and Juliet!

Word of Honor. I honestly think this series (similarly to The Untamed) has one of the best character development I've ever seen and it makes up for all its (more technical) shortcomings. I love the main characters and how they do not truly fit the hero archetype! Very refreshing. Heartbreaking in many ways, also fascinating female characters. It's all about unconditional love bro and breaking free of the harmful patterns created by a traumatic past- [gets booed, leaves in shame]

Love is Blind. Had to add in something silly as well 🤣 It's a reality show in which people fall in love not seeing each other. I will never understand straight people, this show is hilarious. I watch it for the memes

Sharp Objects. Incredible show with just the best female characters and allusions to mythology. Deals with a lot of dark topics and has an amazing plot twist! I loved its atmosphere.

Heartstopper. Despite having watched it only recently, I absolutely loved its depiction of queerness! Especially the refreshing treatment of bisexuality, which sometimes is lost even in BL dramas I've watched so far. Lovely!

Honourable mentions: Crash Landing on You, Kinnporsche, Vincenzo, It's Okay not to be Okay

Tagging some of my lovelies and giving each and every one of you the biggest hug!! 🫂 Also no pressure: @aprylynn, @blueside-hobi, @cordiallyfuturedwight, @kimchokejin, @banghwa, @india-stoker, @lyubins, @nodtnutthasid, @platypusplayhere, @raplinenthusiasts, @seraphjimin, @young-jae. 💗

[elisysd]

10. And isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?

Summary : Kyle Dawson would never be more than a childhood crush to Romy Schumacher and she had made her peace with that fact a long time ago. But when a drunken night leads her waking up next to him, new and old feelings come back to the surface and what started as a mistake quickly becomes an habit. Even if she swore to herself that she would never fall again for the world champion, her heart has other plans. After all, the heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Invisible String - Taylor Swift

She loved her best friend to death. There were not a lot of things she wasn’t ready to do for her. So when Julia had asked her if she could spend the night with her, she immediately accepted. She could see the distress in Julia’s behavior, who was doing a poor job hiding it and no matter the amount of jokes she tried to make her break, she wasn’t saying a thing. She helped her settle down, showed her her room and left her pretending to have a few commitments to honor.

And she had. She was supposed to meet with her team but it had been cut short. When she finally was free, she still had a good hour to kill before finding Julia. She wandered in the lobby and in the lounge of the hotel where she noticed Kyle, reading. They had not really talked since her confession. She carefully approached him.

“Whatcha reading?” she asked, swinging from on foot to the other.

“How to be a heartbreaker for dummies,” he replied, matter of factly, to the point she almost thought he was serious. “I’m joking. What are you doing here?”

“I’m bored. I’m supposed to meet Julia in a while. She is staying with me. Trouble in paradise. Do you know something?”

“They got into a fight. Something involving Martin. Ethan is jealous.”

“But why would he? Julia chose him, she is his girlfriend. I still have a hard time coming to terms with that, by the way. It was so unexpected! Did you know that Ethan liked her? I sure thought she hated him.”

“Well… I had my suspicions.”

“You always see right through people.”

“Only the ones I’m very close to,” he said.

“That's why I wish we weren’t not that close,” she smiled, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. “How are your eyes?”

“Good. No problems since I’ve started wearing glasses. I’m fine, Romy.”

“Good, good,” she said, fidgeting with her bracelets. “I won’t bother you more…”

“Stop acting awkward around me,” he closed his book and stared at her.

“I’m not awkward. Okay, fine, I am. I don’t know how to act around you,” she confessed.

Kyle put his book on the side and motioned her to come closer.

“Ask me something. Anything,” he said.

“Why?”

“I want to get to know the girl I have sex with. And I mean, really get to know her. I don't know your favorite color, or your favorite dish or your favorite thing to do when you’re not racing.”

“You know deeper things,” she refuted.

“But not the basics.”

She sighed, and leaned on the couch.

“Emerald green, anything Italian, horse riding. It calms me down. Have you ever been in detention?”

“Once,” he laughed.

“No way! Saint Kyle was once a bad boy!” she teased him.

“In my defense, it’s Ludwig’s fault. We were in the same boarding school and he was seeing this guy at some point. I was supposed to check that no one would come close to his room while he was with him and I got caught by a supervisor. It was past curfew times,” he explained.

“You are full of surprises.”

“A bummer that you don’t want to discover them all.”

They chatted for a little while longer until it was time for Romy to get back to her room, Julia wasn’t going to be gone for long and maybe she had already come back. But her room was still empty when she opened it. She texted her friend to ask if she preferred room service or if she wanted to eat outside and explore Singapore with her.  Waiting for her friend, she had time to take a shower and study her notes taken during her simulator sessions and when finally the door unlocked and revealed her best friend she was ecstatic. She asked all about her day and when Julia confessed she had spent it with Martin, Romy saw red.

“Martin? Why?”

“Because he asked if he could come…” Julia stuttered.

“And you said yes?”

She couldn’t believe that her friend would be so naive. Or dumb. Maybe both. She was playing with the feelings of two guys who clearly didn’t ask for it and Romy could already see the outcome, a lot of broken hearts and broken trust. She had experienced it. She had cried about it. 

“Julia, you're entertaining his feelings. That’s not fair. Not to him or to Ethan who, then again, is your boyfriend, your lover, the guy you’re sleeping with! Fuck! Stop being blind and oblivious.”

She could see that it had struck down a nerve. And when Julia looked at her with pleading eyes, she could see an insane amount of guilt in them. And when she confessed that they were not really dating, a lot of things made more sense in Romy’s head. But still, not everything was adding up. She had seen the way Ethan was looking at her best friend and the way Julia talked about him, even if she would deny and pretend otherwise. If Julia had managed to fool her best friend, maybe it meant that this relationship was not completely fake. And Romy couldn’t wait to see how it would all unfold. But seeing her best friend so lost and confused pained her. She sat down next to her and threw an arm around her shoulder.

“Martin is your comfort zone and Ethan is not. You know what they say about comfort zones, kitten.”

Hearing herself say those words echoed on a deeper level than what she wanted to and made her think about her own situation. She stood out and smiled, trying to not show how disturbed she was.

“I’m leaving you alone with your thoughts. For what it is worth, I think you should talk to Ethan, it would help you sort it all out. I won’t be mad if when I come back you are not there. And if it helps you in any way, I’m team Ethan.”

She needed some fresh air.

Her feet carried her to the empty rooftop. It was late, she wasn’t expecting to see anyone up there. She leaned against the barrier, letting the humid and hot wind of Singapore wash over her skin and sighed. She was a goddamn hypocrite. A freaking miss know-it-all, unable to look at her own reflection in a mirror. Who was she to talk about love and relationship, anyway? She was not even able to apply the advice she was damn proud to give to Julia. Because after all, she was in her own comfort zone. Hiding behind the no feelings and no strings attached excuse. She was burying her head in the sand, she knew it. She felt it. Because if she was one hundred percent honest with herself, feelings were already there, and strings were tying her to Kyle. And no matter how much she was convincing herself otherwise, no matter how much she was fighting against it, no matter how much she was pretending, she had fallen for him a long time ago and she had never moved on. But how could she tell him that without making a mess of herself? She couldn’t just go to him and say ‘hey, I’ve changed my mind’. He deserved better. He deserved someone reliable, someone who was not changing her mind whenever times were rough. He deserved someone who would choose him all the time. But selfishly, despite everything, she didn’t want to see him move on. She was stuck. And it was cruel.

There could only be one person who could help her sort out this mess and she was so glad to hear the familiar voice picking up her call despite the hour.

“Romy?”

“Seb… I’m sorry to bother, it’s just… I’m too much in my own head and I need someone to help me sort everything out.”

“What is going on?” he asked, suddenly worried.

“How messy would it be PR wise if two drivers from different teams were dating?”

“Are you asking hypothetically?”

“I don’t know… I’m lost and confused and I had a discussion with Julia about her relationship and it made me wonder…”

“I think I know who you’re talking about. A certain double world champion, right?”

“How did you…” she stuttered, taken aback.

“I think even a blind person could see the chemistry you two share. What is going on?”

“Don’t tell mom and dad, this discussion stays between us. I’ve started seeing Kyle casually a few months ago now and…  He is perfect. He knows me so well, almost by heart. I can’t hide with him, he sees right through me and it’s so damn scary and at the same time so thrilling. He wants more. He tells me he can wait, that he is patient enough to let me go at my own pace. But I know that I’m breaking his heart, I just see it in his eyes. And I feel so fucking guilty about that because he doesn’t deserve it and at the same time I don’t know how to stop being a coward. I don’t know how to let go. I’m so lost, Seb,”  she only registered that she was crying when she felt a tear hitting the back of her hand.

“You have all the right to be scared after what you’ve been through in the past. But you have to learn to rely on other people, Romy.”

“I rely on you. I trust you.”

“It’s different. I’ve known you ever since you were a baby,” he argued.

“It's scary to fall.”

“He will catch you, Romy. This guy will always catch you. Do you love him?”

“A part of me will always love him,” she confessed.

“The question now is, how big is that part of you?”

And she knew. She just wasn’t ready to say it out loud.

She had managed to qualify P2. The car felt amazing and Lamborghini seemed to have a tough weekend, which was putting her in the best position to finally deliver. She managed to have a perfect start, putting her provisional leader of the Singapore Grand Prix until a safety car was deployed after a crash involving Ethan. She slowed down, Elijah in her rear view mirror, waiting for the moment she would make a mistake.

“Clean restart, Romy. Focus,”  her race engineer said on her radio.

She knew what she had to do and when it was finally safe for everyone to race, she attacked in the next corner, Elijah chasing her in her DRS zone. 

“Good, Romy. Keep pushing.”

“How are the tires?”

“You do an amazing job. Try to get him out of DRS range.”

And she managed to do it. She was flying, brushing past the walls, optimizing the car’s performance and the millisecond she could find. She was leading. Her first win was only twenty laps away. She could do it, she knew it. She would finally shut everyone up.

“Distance to Elijah?”

“12.3. Do you think you can increase it to 15? We want to avoid an undercut.”

“I don’t think I can. I know I can,” she stated.

They made her pit three laps after and the pitstop was brilliantly realized, making her come back in P1. Right in front of Elijah who had changed his tires two laps before. But she would not let him add pressure on her, she wouldn’t make any mistakes. So, she pushed like never before. But Elijah was now in her DRS, forcing her to aggressively defend. Only five laps to go. Four. Three. Two. 

She felt the mistake coming before it actually happened. She had been too aggressive on the curbs, making her lock the rear and slide slightly. A stupid mistake that wouldn’t have had any consequences if it had happened a few laps ago but was devastating approaching the final lap. She angrily saw Elijah passing her by and with him the dream of hearing the German anthem on the podium.

“Scheiße,” she swore.

Crossing the checkered flag, not even the nice words of her engineer telling her how amazing she had been and how she had secured some important points for the team could erase the disappointment, the anger and bitterness she was feeling. Nothing could make her feel better. Not even the hug from her team principal telling her she would win this year, he could feel it. She didn’t want to win later, she wanted to win now. Coming inside the coolroom, she saw Elijah already there, as well as Sam, the Mercedes driver, arriving third. She smiled tightly and sat down on her chair.

“Don’t worry, little girl, maybe after all you’re not made to win a race,” Elijah smirked.

“Little girl? Who are you calling little girl?” she replied, dagger in her eyes.

“I think maybe it’s time for you to realize that you don’t have what it takes to be a winner. You need balls for that job.” he added, eyes her up and down, licking his lips in  a way it made, at the same time, her blood boil and shivers running down her spine.

She didn’t have the time to say more as they were called on the podium. She barely was able to focus on the faces in front of her. She noticed Julia’s proud smile as she was clinging onto Ethan’s arm and Seb’s face with her team. But the familiar face she could have used at this time wasn’t there. But she pretended, she swallowed her pride and when champagne was sprayed she tried her best to look joyful. She couldn’t wait to leave Singapore. 

Kyle’s weekend had been the worst for a long time. As much as he wanted to blame the car’s performance he couldn’t entirely. His migraines had come back despite thoroughly wearing his glasses to the point he had asked for an emergency appointment with his doctor to check how it was evolving. Maybe it was nothing, maybe it was the traveling and how Singapore was a tough track for the drivers. But he wouldn’t take any risks. He still had Japan and China to race and an afternoon visiting a zoo to go with his friends. He hoped a good sleep would help.

Romy was already at the airport when he arrived. Her face was unreadable and he quickly rushed to her.

“Hey, miss P2, how are you doing?”

“I wanted to win. I should have won. I was this close…” she whined and he threw an arm around her shoulder, kissing the side of her head as she snuggled into him. “I’m still prone to making mistakes when I’m under too much pressure. I’m not like you.”

“You just need to know how to manage. You were leading, Romy. I hate to say it because I don’t want to sound like I’m undermining you, but you lack experience in that area. It will get better with time.”

“Well, let me lead so I’ll have the necessary experience,” she shrugged.

“In your dreams. But what we can do, is that you can come by to my place during the next break and I can train you. Give you tips… be your own personal teacher.”

“I think I would like that. Thank you,” she smiled, her gaze falling on his lips and he was sure that if it hadn’t been for the voices coming from the infernal duo, bickering from afar, she would have kissed him. As soon as Ethan appeared, Romy let go of Kyle and went to her best friend. His face must have betrayed his feelings as Ethan gave him a knowing look, eyes darting between Romy and himself. The group chatted until it was time for them to go to their gate. Kyle stood up, maybe too quickly as he felt the room spinning, his headache amplifying and his vision getting blurry. He felt a hand around his forearm and Ethan’s voice next to him.

“Bro? You’re good?”

“Yeah, it’s just that I must have stayed under the neon a bit too much. And it’s getting kind of blurry.”

“Do you want me to do something? Do you want me to get Romy?”

It didn’t even phase Kyle to hear his friend mentioning her. He refused, saying he didn’t want her to worry and reassured his friend saying that he had an appointment with his doctor soon. He could feel Ethan wanting to argue but his serious voice dissuaded the Maserati’s driver to add anything. He felt ashamed, he hadn't certainly planned to show how vulnerable he could get in front of his friends. They didn’t need that. So when he sat down in the plane, he put his headphones on. He soon was joined by Romy who sat next to him and in front of Julia and Ethan. He felt the blonde’s hand lacing her fingers to his, squeezing them, silently asking if he was okay. He squeezed her hand back, telling her everything was fine. But when he intercepted her sad smile on him, he knew that he could try to act like he was all good, he wasn’t fooling her. And that thought only almost made him regret having let her take such an important place in his life.

Author's note: Remember how I said that the previous chapter was my favorite one? Well scratch that, this one is.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist: @smoooothoperator-admin

[jokerlennon]

gonna do some chibnall haterism bc I think you’d understand: the 13th Doctor era obviously didn’t deserve all the misogynistic backlash and “Doctor who has gone woke” or “Nurse Who” stuff. And there are things about it I absolutely enjoy and I do get that there was a lot of love put into the era. but after series 12 I watched myself like. fall out of love with 13 because I realized how mediocre, undercooked and conservative her era was. I hate sounding like the dudebros who said she ruined/killed the show when I agree that I’m not 13’s biggest fan (she didn’t kill the show, quite obviously) but to me 13 never got the stories she deserved.

Realizing I liked the idea of the 13th Doctor more than the 13th Doctor we got was heartbreaking. (And I then can at least engage with the idea of her unlike conservative dudebros. God I hope Jodie does Big Finish.)

god yeah i absolutely get it part of me feels so bad when i complain bc i do like thirteen whenever she gets to be weird and alien and an inventor eating dirt being excited etc like that's a joy to witness i do like her as a concept!! but the episodes themselves are so stunningly mediocre.. it's not even that all of them are objectively terrible (some of them defintiely are jesus christ but that's what episodic scifi tv is like it's not like if it's just a constant barrage of one godawful thing after the other) there's just something missing from them yknow... i saw an improvement in s12 but s11 was basically disappointment after disappointment with. like. two highlights. the companions and their relationships to each other & especially the doctor are so underexplored which is an enornous contrast to the past 10+ years.. like i cant rlly speak for classic who yet but nuwho is very much About The Characters and if the doctor has basically no relationship to their companion then what am i here for. the story? most if not all of these stories i wouldnt watch if it wasn't doctor who honestly. at least im seeing some character development now but it took so long....