Hello :D
I have been following you for the last year or so (a few days after I got my Tumblr lmao) and I absolutely love your art!
I have been wanting to study your art style for a while but don't really know where to start,,,
Could you please show me a small portion of your art process, if it isn't too much trouble of course. Thank you and have a nice day!
hello. oh my god. this took forever to find.
im sorry it took 2 WHOLE FUCKING MONTHS for me to respond to this but i wanted to put it off until i felt happy with my art process again, so here it is
my fall 2024 rendering tutorial!
(this will be very very long)
FLATS AND WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO WITH LINES GIRL. then make sure to recolor the lineart to better match your base. trust me it helps, bold dark lines are Not your best friend when rendering. wait for that post-rendering
i start off with a doodle or a sketch, and then filling it in with flats and other details such as blush
FIGURE OUT YOUR LIGHT SOURCE. FIGURE IT OUT GIRL YOU CAN DO IT you can make it as simple as possible, make it as big as possible, dont even THINK about the details.........just make it really fucking big so you at least know where the shadows and the light goes THEN add smaller shading details LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME OKAY!!!!!!!!
my key point with this is for you to learn lighting fundamentals.
it's SOOO ANNOYING but alas......they are all correct. it helps a lot.
one thing i also really want to point out is that i like creating a big shadow shape first before fixing up the little details (such as folds and whatever) because it helps me focus on the way the lighting actually works instead of tunnel vision-ing into making the shading make sense on the clothing.
contact shadows (i dont remember if thats what theyre called okay) theyre fucking ugly because im not actually thinking sorry 💔
okay so basically:
contact shadows (if that's what they're called) are the spots in shading and lighting where light will NEVER hit.
shadows are still influenced by the colors and lights around it (it's why a blue shadow and a yellow shadow feel completely different, despite both being shadows) so it's not always COMPLETELY dark.
BUT! there are small points in shadows where light never hits, and they're almost always super dark or pitch black.
it's hard to explain shadow and light so briefly for a tutorial, but you'll notice it when watching fundamental studies and when trying it out for yourself
YES i unclipped the multiply layer YES its ugly and terrifying but it makes coloring the multiply layer easier okay
the colors merged w multiply so now it looks cool and has depth
overlaying colors that actually make sense
so basically what i did was color the multiply layer that i used to shade the overall drawing
adding a band of red/orange/yellow around where the light hits, and blue where the shadows get big and wide, gives it a fake ambient occlusion effect in the way that a person would get if they stood under the sun with a clear blue sky
the colors don't have to make sense, especially because i never draw backgrounds, but coloring the shadows really help it give a sense of depth and extra subtle detail and effect that just helps make the painting look nicer
around the end, i also put in colors (in an overlay layer with a low opacity brush) that actually make sense in context of the drawing, which is the lit cigarette and the yellow eyelights
mostly because none of the colors were making sense and i needed to actually make use of the lighting that DOES exist in the drawing lol
adding a muddy golden yellow pin light layer (opacity turned down to like 40-50%) to make the light colors less ugly lol
i SWEAR by the fucking pin light layer style. it's so useful and so so underrated.
i used an almost brown-ish gold color on stop of all the layers, and with the pin light layer, it helped make the bright (almost blue-ish) white colors more warm and more yellow. it just helps make things more warm (something i prefer)
i could probably show what it looks like without adjusting the layer opacity to truly show off what i mean (like in the coming section) but i sadly forgot to do that lol
make a layer on top of your drawing with this color in these ranges YES the drawing is fully merged NO don't be afraid, the base was fucking ugly anyway 💔
make this layer into an exclude/exclusion layer style TRUST
turn down your exclusion layer opacity from a range of 10% to 40% literally until you're happy with the contrast and the way the color over the drawing. use your eyeballs. i know you can do it im so proud of you
this is pretty self-explanatory instruction-wise, so i'll go into why i do this instead
i really like art that seems like it has low contrast, with almost mid-gray shading and lines. i don't personally use dark and bold lines and shading, unless i find it necessary for the tone of the piece, so using this method helps lower the contrast of the art and make it look "pleasantly muddy" in the way that it's easier and softer on the eyes.
the inverted blue color also helps makes things warmer!
the exclusion layer style is still a bit of a mystery to me but i really like the effect it gives, even if i don't completely get how it works lol
if you want an alternative method to this, and if you have access to it (because i primarily use sai and sai only),
i absolutely encourage you to play around and experiment with gradient maps.
there are so many out there you can make yourself or even get from others that just give the painting an extra amount of depth and color variation. they're SO fun.
personally, if sai2 gets a gradient map update, it's over for y'all it will literally be so over no one will be able to stop me
then i merged everything and actually adjusted the contrast back up because it was looking too muddy for me 💔 but the color adjustments are still there so all hope is not lost
here's a comparison of the adjusted contrast in black and white
(adjusted on the left) (newly merged layer without adjusting the contrast on the right)
as you can see, i actually turned the contrast back up (despite talking all about how i liked things with less contrast lol)
i wanted to demonstrate that doing adjustments should be done in moderation, and is why i adjust layer opacity often when making color effects
you are free to play around with colors to help your style, but don't lose your initial idea and colors along the way.
you still need to trust your own colors and intuition!
along with that, i just want to say that it's completely okay to change your mind mid-painting, and it's okay to make somewhat drastic changes.
don't be afraid to change things you don't like or change your mind about certain aspects way later on
that's basically the whole thing of this!!! don't be scared!!!
now im gonna hold your hand when i say this..........but you need to learn how to render by yourself. it seems like i can teach you but i literally can't, because rendering is different on every piece and depending on how clean your base is. i have to render A LOT because of how fucking ugly my sketches are LMAO
to simplify it, think of it as obsessively cleaning up every detail you can see, but with a color picker and a clean, hard edged brush. if you have shit lineart, you don't have to redraw it cleanly over and over, just paint over it. that's basically what rendering is
THIS especially is where you need to be brave and stop being scared.
like i said, i can't teach you how to render, and it's something you have to discover yourself because rendering is something that will always be personal to every single piece you make. the way you render on every piece is different.
on one piece, you will barely need to render, and on another, rendering is more than half of your ENTIRE process.
don't be afraid to paint over your old art.
rendering is a process that's both very perfectionist yet also very careless.
find your balance and just go for it.
and then that's it……..u did it………..now yuo know how to paint and render. it's literally just layering shading and lighting knowledge until you think it makes sense and looks okay lol
additional note: since i render in only one layer (you don't HAVE to do this, but it'll be harder for you…), i also made slight adjustments with the transform (and liquify, if you have it) tool to make things more proportionate. (i drew the head too big lol)
if you compare the finished piece to the final unrendered base, you can see that a LOT changed, including a bit of subtle proportion adjustment.
particularly, the sleeves changed A LOT (because i really didn't like them)
but it's also over all cleaner and more coherent, instead of having haphazard colors and shading just thrown about.
rendering is when you finally use all 100% of your brain to finalize and figure out where the shading should go, where to clean up your lines, where to ERASE or ADD BACK in lines, and make sure all your colors look coherent.
it's not as intimidating as it seems, i only use a hard edged brush with a little bit of color mixing and my color picker.
it's like dragging and dropping colors to cover up mistakes, it's really quite fun when you get used to it
i wish i could explain it clearer but it's hard to describe without visuals!
i hope this helped, and i hope all my yapping isn't annoying (art as a special interest beloved)
have fun studying and trying to render in my art style!
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You say you’re sober, but a lot of your posts are about disregarding limits or POS friends who enable drinking or talking sober people into drinking. Is it a fantasy of yours for your sobriety to be broken? Or do you see yourself as the enabler pushing the sober person in these kinds of scenarios?
Warning very serious and not so serious approach to this topic
Hmm yeah difficult psychosexual situation for me.
I do fantasize about being like bullied or forced into having my sobriety broken and it turns me on like very few other things, i always had the fantasy of forced intoxication/accidental intoxication/pushed/tricked/etc, ranging from being subtly manipulated to being literally tied up/kidnapped/whatever and for all intents and purposes forced, mentally and physically.
It became sort of more specific after i decided to be sober. I think if i genuinely had this happen to me, specifically if the other person got off on it as well and was very focused on getting me drunk id probably get off on it forever, literally a wet dream come true.
Sometimes i wonder if its a way out of being responsible for my own sobriety, or for drinking „just one more time“ im thinking its probably many things including this but also a life long fantasy.
Im always torn on the „do it or dont“ i genuinely do not believe there is truly a way to decide between right and wrong here. Only the time i have on this earth and what i decide to do with it. And again, ive had this fantasy since before puberty, at this point i wonder if its more of a need than a wish.
On the other hand i am an extremely responsible and health conscious person, i have a very full schedule, not a lot of time off and high expectations for myself in regards to my physical, (inter)personal, academic and work performance, all of which are pretty big contraindications to indulging myself as much as id like. (And presumably also the reason i tend to drink so heavily cause i cant get my brain to stop pushing myself to doing better and better and more and more)
Im also not a casual drinker at all. I dont drink often, i dont drink just one glass and i dont enjoy the taste of alcohol tbh, i never was a one beer/glass of wine to unwind type guy. I usually go for pretty long periods of time not even caring about alcohol at all and then drink very hard for a shorter period of time (it has to be worth it style) which is also why it took me a while to realize that my behaviour is not healthy regardlng alcohol tho again, Alcohol is just not healthy, no not even one glass, this has been proven by multiple studies at this point. its a neurotoxin that very much kills and cripples people, if were looking at it from a very sober (haha) perspective. (And since i work in healthcare i have seen the very real consequences of consistent, heavy alcohol abuse)
I dont know that i would feel comfortable pushing someone else into breaking sobriety, it would be a very individual decision for sure, mainly depending on how informed the other person was, how much they were consenting etc. i definitely wouldnt dare do it on a whim for purely my own pleasure, tho i could see myself indulging someone who was giving me a clear „go“ and enjoying it.
Even working the bar ive felt uncomfortable serving someone who after a couple drinks let drop to someone they were chatting with that theyd been sober for the last seven months. It made me sad because i know how much genuinely hard work it is.
On the other hand awooga drunk hot and sexy. That part is very implemented in my brain as well.
Not sure if this is the answer you were looking for, its definitely a complex topic for me, i hope i could sort of explain my feelings and thoughts on it to your statisfaction.
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Marti it is Moss *does small dance* sending in a Hobbit imagine should it strike your fancy to answer. If not feel free to delete you come first and foremost! Your blog is always a delight and i read everything you post like its the morning newspaper.
Im wondering if you would write a hobbit headcanon for a reader who uses a mobility aid like forearm crutches!
I myself use forearm crutches (named Catcher and Holder a la Dwalin) for dizziness and weakness due to neurological issues, but there are many reasons for their use from joint pain to hypermobility. Sometimes people use them all the time and other times they are only used when they have flare ups (some have to have them available all the time in case of The Return tm)
Sometimes you use one and sometimes you use two. All depends on condition severity, needs,what youre doing, and preference
Even when you have a flare up you may not prefer to use them for short distances ie in your house some people choose not to. I use mine on the steps unless im doing something hazardous and dont want to risk a fall (and be able to walk in general)which ive become prone to over the last two years.
You still live your life and do what you do sometimes its a bit different other times its not. Sometimes you have a stick or two.
You can make a lot of fun decorations and functional tools like cupholders and pouches for your crutches and stickers make them unique and customizable. Honestly the biggest challenge for me is mugs and stairs+ other two handed tasks 😩 let me see someone smack a warg protecting their bestie and then lament not planning their cuppa retrieval rofl.
Im wondering how our lads would have a time with this- not acceptance wise as i know Dwarves are very accepting. More along lines of shenanigans wholesome fun bonding the good daily stuff that you write so beautifully and capture each one of them so well!
Thank you so much and if you have any questions please feel free to reach out
🌿🏹moss🏹🌿
Hello Moss 🥰💚 OMG Catcher and Holder that's perfectttt! Sorry this post is so fuckin long in the making but hopefully you enjoy it and this captures it well! I confess I don't personally use a mobility aid at this time so I may not have the greatest frame of reference 😅 but yeah I hope you like these little moments! *does small exit dance in return*
Warnings: canon typical violence in some
Thorin's Company + Reader With Mobility Aids
Balin
“Might I ask who built that?” Polite as ever, Balin motioned to the chair upon which you had affixed a pair of wheels. “I did,” you answered, “I was the only person in my little village who needed something like this.” “Well, you are quite the craftsman. Would that you had no ties to your hometown and the Lonely Mountain could snap you up! You could see those skills built up tenfold.” “R-really? I came here to Laketown for something just like that! But I’ll confess I think you will be a far better teacher.” Winking, you gave Balin a smile he mirrored. “You’re resilient. Smart as a whip, too! It would be my honor.” “And after all,” you added, “If anyone would know how to mount a crossbow on the arms, it would be dwarves!” At that, even as polite a dwarf as Balin could hardly help bursting into a wicked grin.
Dwalin
“Nice axes.” “Forged them myself,” Dwalin answered with a nod, “Grasper and Keeper. One grasps your soul, the other keeps it.” “How funny,” you remarked, raising your forearm crutches, “I call these Catcher and Holder. Same idea only with the body. Suppose that isn’t nearly as impressive, though.” “Impressive?” Dwalin burst out. “We’ve all got our battle scars. Our wounds. Never be ashamed of that. The fact that you’re still up ‘n’ going? Be proud. I can show you plenty o’ scars myself!” At that last bit, Dwalin began lifting up his tunic to reveal toned skin paled in some places and darkened in others by all manner of scars and at that, you couldn’t help shyly laughing. Proud indeed.
Thorin
Yes, the king had not denied you entry into his company when Gandalf had recommended you, but he had raised and furrowed his regal brow in the skeptical look all but branded into your mind. He’d asked Gandalf if he was certain, and from then on the fire in your heart blazed. Certainly Thorin treated you as an equal, giving you the tasks he gave all others, but he had been yet to see you in battle and you knew that was where your proof would solidify. In fact, the first time wargs closed in upon you, you were one of the first to run back at them. Hearing the way Thorin called your name, but thoroughly ignoring it in favor of landing a solid crack upon the nearest adversary's skull. Luckily your body was having a better day anyway despite all the walking, because you spun and smashed your way through the orc pack, especially once you saw the way one bowled Bofur and Dori over. Fire took over your heart and eyes as you swung your mace until you could swing no more, all but deaf to the cracking of heads and the clattering of your allies’ blades through that pounding adrenaline. At the end of it all, Thorin approached you, his expression surprisingly mild. Then it broke into a smile. “The wizard was right about you,” he told you, clapping a hand to your shoulder, “Invaluable in all respects indeed.”
Oin
“Oh, that’s clever, that is!” “My eyes are up here,” you quipped, crossing your arms and smiling sardonically down at the dwarf bent over peering at your wheels. At that, Oin tilted his head up to look back at you, giving a raucous heh heh heh of laughter. “Never seen anything like this lot before,” he commented, shaking his head and running a hand over the frame of your chair, “You’d think dwarves’d be the first to make ‘em! ‘S beautiful.” Your lips parted wordlessly for a few moments before you spoke, head still slightly tilted. “Beautiful?” “Course!” Oin replied, smiling widely as he rose to his feet again. “A real beauty for sure. A marvel, actually. It is quite the privilege to get to see it in action!” “No one has ever told me that before,” you replied quietly, a smile spreading across your lips.
Gloin
Orcs rushed you from every side, sending you scrambling as fast as your crutches could support you. Carrying a sword aside it all was about as unwieldy as one imagined, but you knew no different. In fact, your best strike that fight had nearly taken a whole arm off. Catching sight of you, though, the nearest of your blood-spattered adversaries grinned and gave a savage kick, sending your crutches flying from beneath you. Teetering, you pitched forward, trying to catch yourself with one arm and steady your sword with the other as the shout rang out. “You think you’re so clever, you great filthy buzzard? I don’t think so!” With a savage growl of his own, Gloin flew into the fray, and with a violent swing of his axe the orc’s head was sent unceremoniously tumbling to the dirt. “Serves ‘m right, eh?” Gloin asked with a smug look as he extended a hand, helping you up, handing you your crutches, and even gently dusting you off.
Bifur
You had seen the way he glanced your way. How his eyes traced the lines of the crutches extending from your forearms, the extensions of steel that made walking less painless. And running more painless if you were a charging warg on the receiving end of a bash to the face. Bifur had seen the way you slid your arms free to motion and sign to him, indicating the interesting things seen along the road. If you had a tendency to go nonverbal, he would aid you in removing your crutches when you needed to sign. Such things had been floating in your mind when you sat by his side, asked him if he understood in a way. You certainly felt understood in his presence, after all. Bifur glanced away with haste, but still you caught notice of tears in his dark eyes, just for a moment. A moment before the smile spread across his face and he leaned in, gently resting his forehead against yours- carefully, of course, so you barely felt the brush of the axe against your joined skin.
Bofur
“Bofur!” Uncaring how earsplitting your scream may have been, you charged forward, heaving one leg before the other as fast as you could while still keeping a hand on your walker. Which was faster than even you realized, sped by adrenaline and rage and urgency all pounding through your ears. Loading your crossbow again and again, you fired three successive shots into the assailant’s side, shoulder, and finally with the last you struck his ugly head and knocked him down onto his ass. For good. Sighing heavily, you leaned for just a moment on your walker frame before making your way to Bofur’s side, this time at a less painful pace, and turned it around to take a seat. Leaning down, you reached for his hand. “Bofur, are you alright?” “I am thanks to you,” he chuckled, his hazel eyes fixed upon you fondly, “Maybe I need to get myself one of those. Seems to aid the aim, having something to lean on.” Grinning and blinking back tears, you procured a cloth and a strip of bandage and started to dab away the blood on his shoulder.
Bombur
“Hope this isn’t rude…” You were surprised by the sound of Bombur's soft voice coming from your side, turning from the journal you wrote in and setting your implements aside. A part of you wanted to roll your eyes, well aware of all the 'not rude' inquiries you'd received over the years as to why you carried crutches, especially if some days you did not. However, knowing this one came from sweet Bombur softened you. He actually meant it. "...But what's the hardest part of having those?" You couldn't resist a snicker at the thought that immediately rose to your mind. "You'd really like to know?" "Yes," he nodded, "If I may." With another little snort, you smiled and told him, "Mugs." "Mugs?" "Mugs and stairs. Can't tell you the number of times I've spilled on my way up. Anything that takes two hands, really." "I see!" The conversation ended with Bombur's eyes lighting up. At least you thought it had ended... Several days later, he came shuffling up to you with that same sweetly eager glint and his hands behind his back. "I've made you something," he told you, pulling out an open cylinder of steel and unfolding another little piece from it, "Hope it works. It's a little mug holder. Go on, let's see if it fits." Snapping the little unfolding piece to your crutch, Bombur watched your face break into a grin as it remained in place. "This is the sweetest thing anyone has done for me, Bombur. Thank you." "You deserve it," he replied, smiling fondly at you.
Dori
“I wouldn’t exactly mind having one of those.” “A cane?” You arched a brow. “I’ve always thought it made you look distinguished,” he admitted with a smile. “Now that is a new one,” you commented wryly, “All for use of my leg.” “Nothing wrong with it,” Dori shrugged, “We all do what we must. Seems a shame you’ve such a plain one, though.” At that, your proverbial ears perked up. “As opposed to what?” “Well,” he shrugged, “I don’t know. Haven’t you seen all the nice silver tips and things they put on canes?” “Ah,” you nodded, “I see what you mean! It is a bit of a shame I haven’t anything to decorate mine with, isn’t it?” “Haven’t anything? What do you call this?” With that emphasized last word, Dori reached behind into his pack and procured a little silver charm, one carved richly with dwarven runes and even centered with a little green stone. Fiddling at his back more, the dwarf also found a section of string and hastily tied it to your cane’s handle. “Now what do you call that?” He asked, waving a hand over the charm. “I have a bit of luster dust if you’d like something more.” Needless to say, it was the most fun night you’d had in those endless weeks of trekking.
Nori
Raising one eyebrow at Nori, you stared in skepticism as he held a hand out and repeated his request. “Your cane, please?” “How do I know you won’t just run off with it?” You shot back. “You’re sitting,” he pointed out, “Not like you really need it. Besides, do you really think I’d be so incorrigible a scoundrel as to make off with someone’s means of walkin’ for no reason?” Nori’s gaze slid upward from your carven wood cane back to your eyes, which remained as they were. “Second thought, don’t answer that. Just trust me, hm? You won’t regret it. Dwarf’s honor.” At the invoking of honor, an action infrequently taken by Nori, your brow lowered to form a more neutral, though inquisitive, expression as you handed your cane over. You were quickly distracted by conversation from Dori as you sat, folding your hands in both complacency and content and shivering a bit in the snow. The conversation continued for some time until an ‘A-ha!’ rang out and Nori came running back up, triumphantly hoisting your cane, to which he had crudely affixed one of his many knives. “And what,” you asked, “Is this?” Nodding beyond your night’s campground, Nori indicated the ice extending across the ground. “Aid in your trek! Can’t have you slipping, can you? Not that I won’t catch ya.” He winked.
Ori
“Your sticks!” Ori gasped, brown eyes wide with horror. “Where are they?” “My crutches?” Eyebrows sliding upward in amusement, you made your way toward the young dwarf, who was stitching a sock a handful of feet away. At that, he simply nodded, repairs completely abandoned upon his lap. "Oh, I simply had no need for them today," you answered with a small shrug of your shoulders. At that, Ori gave a curious little frown. “So you can walk some days?” “It isn’t only a matter of walking,” you chuckled, “Moreso that some days my pain and balance are worse.” “Like when Gloin’s leg bothers him?” Ori asked, face turning to childlike eagerness. “Or how Bifur doesn't talk some days?" A little smile spread across your face and your chest expanded with warmth. "Yes," you agreed, "Just like that, Ori."
Fili
Mind drifting off in tandem with the pulsing ache of your limbs, you gazed at the flicker of the fire, faintly drifting smoke curling into the air from pipes and the kindling itself. Your hands idly wrung your cane until the sensation of warmth brushing your leg drew you from your empty focus spiral. Shifting your gaze, you were met with the sight of Fili sitting at your side. "Think I might need one of those after today." Following his gaze, your eyes fell back down to your hands, more specifically the cane held there. "Your own mobility aid or the other?" At your last words, Fili quirked up a golden brow. "The other?" He repeated. Smirking proudly, you slid the end off your cane, revealing a sword hidden within. “The other,” you repeated once more with emphasis, “Guess you weren’t paying attention to how I heaved so many goblins off that bridge.” “You’re right,” Fili agreed, blue eyes lighting up in the fireglow, “I do want that. How long has that been there?” “Whole time.” “Just waiting for the right moment, eh?” “Of course,” you bantered back, “Gotta make a show.”
Kili
“Can I try?” Kili smiled up at you as you blinked at him, face blank with thought. Reaching down, he pantomimed using your crutches for a step, swinging his arms back and forth. "You want to give my crutches a go?" Your eyebrows shot up, a smile building upon your face. Memories flooded your mind, deep knowledge of the struggle that nearly always comes with those first steps and even far beyond. Loosening the grip you had upon your aids, you handed them off to Kili as you took Oin's hand and allowed him to help walk and lower you onto a makeshift camp seat. Hooking his arms in, Kili stood up, adjusting his posture after several moments. He took a step, then swung them. "Wait, that doesn't make sense. Hold on." You giggled from your seat at Oin's side as Kili raised one leg, thought, brought the crutches down again and wobbled such that you were tempted to extend hands that could catch him.
Bilbo
“I was scared first, but trust me: you’ll be grateful in the end once you get on these fellows,” Bilbo told you, looking down at you as he patted the pony he sat upon. “It isn’t that,” you answered, gaze dropping from the hobbit’s, “It’s…well, it is a bit embarrassing, to be honest.” The dwarves had been sweet enough to fortify the feet of your forearm crutches, though they still could not understand why you didn’t ride. The answer, quite frankly, rose a bit of a flush to your cheeks. Bilbo must have caught this. “You shouldn’t be ashamed. Nothing of it is your fault. You can tell me. Probably better me than all those dwarves, right? I won’t tell a soul.” His voice dropped to a playful whisper for that last sentence, which though it didn’t help the heat radiating beneath your skin did open your heart and your mouth. “If I were to get lightheaded or a shock of pain riding a pony I could fall off. And...And I would need someone to hold onto me.” “Ah,” the hobbit replied, this time taking his turn to shyly gaze away, “Well, if you ever change your mind, I would be more than happy to hold you.”
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intro to a lore accurate physics major
intro post? intro post! i feel like yapping abt myself today so its time to drop some lore (this time completely sober)
name: min
age: 21
occupation: idiot 4th year undergraduate student, part time TA
major: PHYSICS
more about me:
well, obviously i dont wanna doxx myself, but im an indian intl student based in the states.
im currently gunning for graduate school in physics-- my research interests are in high energy theory
the overarching goal is staying in academia-- i enjoy teaching a lot too
im a pheno gal but im interested in exploring more formal sectors of het as well.
key words: quantum field theories, quantum information, SMEFT, early universe particle cosmology
im also interested in the mathematical formalism in physics, and im super into group theory (mostly Lie theory but abstract algebra in general is rad)
my favourite mathematician ever is emmy noether
more about me when im NOT doing physics:
im a hobby linguist and i like doing linguistic olympiads in my own time. i self-learn korean and japanese supposedly (have not been doing that in a while). i can speak three languages, but choose not to.
i like dabbling in evolutionary biology, geology, and other earthly sciences. i love marine invertebrates in particular!
i haven't been reading lately but i enjoy classic literature-- mostly late 19th and early 20th century authors.
my guilty pleasure is napping with science youtube videos in the background.
im very much a fandom person! (strong kpop and anime background) i write an skk fic (allegedly)
i play genshin! currently pulling for kinich, but im a longtime albedo main
free book rec-- hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy
so yeah! hmu if you want to yap bc im a yapologist fr. my inbox/dms are open for anything from questions about physics, to hating on physics.
i love what i do, and i love complaining about what i do, so that's all this blog really is.
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i literally read the book of bill days ago but its only now kinda hitting me how fucked ford and bills whole thing was though cause ford literally talks about being so unable to sleep (to try to keep bill away), and when sleep inevitably caught up to him, he would wake up to his body abused and things messed with and he just couldnt seem to find an escape (and he literally didnt get to truly escape until 30 years later)
(also keeping people awake for unhealthily long periods of time is another tactic used to mess with and control people because of how it impairs brain function)
listing off the things we see in those few pages in the book of bill:
i mean, punching and scratching at a steel door for hours would be so damaging to your hands and probably hurt like hell for at least 2 days after. then bill says he was hitting fords head against a wall, though its said in a post-it as if its a joke, but he also isnt exactly above doing that, and honestly he says most things like its a joke.
i also dont need to say 'bill really doesnt know how to take no for an answer' because he makes that very clear in literally any interaction we see with him.
bill literally puts a venomous snake near ford while fords asleep, which could have killed him if he wasnt lucky+skilled enough to deal with it.
he nearly gives ford hypothermia, and in the same action actively threatens ford with the idea of making him jump off of a high spot, and like ford says, doesnt do it just so he can send a message to ford about how hes the one in control.
he gets ford in trouble with not only the law, but also with other people that are probably not very happy with him after. he mutilates fords body in several ways, and i dont think i need to go into detail on them because theyre... so ew. and he even exposes part of fords body to the world. like, its just taking his shirt off, but thats still showing off his body in a way that he didnt agree to or want
and then he attempts to (or purposefully fails to) call stan, using fords voice to threaten suicide and tell stan that ford never loved him.
and he punctuates it with a final power move, in a hallucination that he creates, hes messing with stans memories and making him feel like his body was basically about to implode
and like. okay, we all joke about toxic old man yaoi, and its a good joke and toxic old man yaoi is great and its an interesting ship, but holy fuck.
like. to say the absolute least, that had to be so, so deeply violating. its no wonder that when we see ford in the past, when he finally contacts stan, he looks like hes on the verge of shattering into a million pieces. he just went through, and still wasnt yet out of, some deeply abusive shit.
like... everything coming out lately both in this book and what ive heard is on the website, mixed with what we already knew from the show itself... the stans are both so, so fucking tragic dude. their whole lives were thrown away over things that really didnt even need to be the way they were, and then they both get into situations that are pretty damn screwed, and those situations follow them for the rest of their lives. its basically a miracle that things worked out in the end for them.
i dont really have a point, i just had to talk about all that. i read almost all of the book of bill in one sitting, and while i was really enjoying it, i was also getting kind of tired of sitting in one spot only doing this one thing for several hours straight. i still felt a lot of the emotional bits of it of course, but man this part specifically just really didnt hit me until now.
i mean, to say the absolute least, i know what its like to feel violated in a similar way, though not anywhere near to the extent of what he went through at all. someone get that man some therapy got damn
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