#viktor💠

[ashtraysystem]

tic toc on the cloc and the party wont stopc ((i am ticcing endlessly blz muscles and brain communicate better))

[vikki-tikki-tavii]

[v0lva]

💠Finally! I just finished this Viktor (Arcane) study!💠 Not really happy with everything, but I've done my best and think that is not so bad o/ I hope you'll like this lovely boy.💠

[maxed-out-with-love]

So I should probably make a self ship list huh?

Romantic

💜 Cyrus (Squip OC)

🦊 Asra - 🌹 Julian Devorak (The Arcana)

🐔 Shane (Stardew Valley)

❤️ Marc0 - 🪶 Raven (ask-sav-and-squip-archived/alicyon-archive)

⚛️ Viktor Humphries (Slime Rancher)

🏹 Vex'ahlia de Rolo - 🔥 Fearne Calloway (Critical Role)

🌟 Stella (Spiritfarer)

👑 Lucifer (Obey Me)

Platonic

♒ ♦️Eridan Ampora♦️ (Homestuck)

🔭 Maru (Stardew Valley)

🐈 Portia Devorak - ⛓️ Muriel (The Arcana)

🤍 HAL (Empress Theresa) (Fuck you Norman he’s mine now)

📑 Yū - 💙 Daniel (softwhitepeaches)

🍩 Mira (Donut County)

💸 Mammon - 📚 Satan (Obey Me)

🦋 Cinderella (ALW’s Cinderella)

📖 Emerson/Narrator (The Stanley Parable)

Familial

💕 Spinel - 💠 Blue Diamond - 💖 Steven (Steven Universe)

🦉 Darion (OC)

💎 Nadia (The Arcana)

🕷️ Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice the Musical)

✨ Misfortune (Little Misfortune)

☀️ Rapunzel (Tangled)

🎮 Leviathan - 💗 Asmodeus - 🍔 Beelzebub - 🐮 Belephegor (Obey Me)

💚 Sav (ask-sav-and-squip-archived/alicyon-archive)

🍄 Stanley - 🐦 Bruce - 🐃 Mickey (Spiritfarer)

⚖️ Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney series)

🐉 Kazuma Kiryu - 🐍 Goro Majima (Yakuza series)

🎭 Akira Kurusu/Ren Amamiya (Persona 5)

[ashtraysystem]

I'm writing a massage fic and making myself jealous of the characters. goddammit.

[ashtraysystem]

my bones hurt. it is quite unpleasant. 💠

[ashtraysystem]

Okay, menstrual cycles + stress is genuinely weird.

I've learned that when I'm Stressed The Hell Out (like I am rn) then I'm more likely to have spotting or menstrual symptoms. Which is not ideal. Cuz I have a presentation tomorrow and I'm the type of person who, when I have my cycle, I can potentially be put out for the day. It used to be longer but bc of having an iud it's definitely not as bad as it used to be. Still sucks, but at least I can exist semi normally.

Anyway, I have a presentation tomorrow that is really important and I'm really stressed about. Like, this is the first presentation I've ever written a fucking script for its that important to me.

I'm just glad I've got most of my shit done. Once I'm done with my video project (due wednesday oh gods) I'll finally be able to Properly Relax. I'll be able to chill, maybe hang out with my partner if they are up for it, and just get some goddamn rest.

I've literally been sleeping so much lately bc my body and mind are finally slowing down with the end of the semester, so I'm starting to hit that recovery hibernation mode.

Maybe I'll write something since I feel shitty and need a bit of a pick me up. Project myself onto characters. Find comfort in them going through the same pain or worse pain than me. force them into angsty situations and situations where someone takes care of them, because that's what my brain likes.

I also wanna add some characters to my sims game. I think it would be fun to have them in the game to interact with, especially since I started putting some of my alters in my game too. well, one of them at least. bc Jeannie really enjoys the sims and the cottagecore kawaii aesthetic she can make of her house.

[ashtraysystem]

i yearn for soft domestic moments.

being consumed by my work and being brought out of it by love. whether that be physically with my love giving me gentle affection or refilling my drink for me, or by sending me a message to make my phone ping with a reminder to take breaks. those are the little forms of love that bring me more joy than one might realize.

dont mind me, just indulging in some gay yearning since sleep evades me.

[ashtraysystem]

picrew link here

[ashtraysystem]

I wish I had the words to convey how it feels when you run your nails across my skin.

When you run your nails along my inner arm, or along my neck at the base of my skull and top of my shoulders, it sends sparks through me. Sparkling, blissful pleasure that makes my body relax and tune in to the touch. It's something my brain gets completely lost in, melting into a puddle of love and goodness. In those moments anything thats said goes in one ear out the other. All my brain can focus on is the touch, the sparks running down my body through my nerves.

I try to be auditory about it, give auditory and visual encouragement, but I'm very bad at that. I end up getting nervous and too self aware and laughing too much. I enjoy just sitting there melting into it instead of focusing so much on trying to convey that it is good. I know communication is needed but I'm not sure how to communicate in a way that works well for me during those moments.

I'm so quiet when it comes to these things that I have to actively think about making sounds to assure you of "yes, please please continue".

It's difficult for me to let go. To give up control and just let things happen. Part of why I actually enjoy thc and cbd. Alcohol causes me too much pain to be worth it. but being able to let go, enjoy the feeling of something, its difficult for me to do, even on my own.

I tend to listen to a lot of erotic audios that encourage me to just let everything go and just melt away because otherwise I get too lost in my own head, thinking to hard about it, being too tense when what I need is to let it go. Let the feelings just wash over me rather than trying to control every little thing. Which I suppose is part of Viktor's job. He doesn't care to have control. Which is why it's so hard for him to fully front and do his job. But also why his job is so important.

[ashtraysystem]

i wish i was better at letting other people take care of me. i have a difficult time just letting go and letting myself be taken care of without trying to give in return.

i want to be taken care of, i do, but i also feel guilty if i do not reciprocate in some way.

it is a general struggle that i keep thinking about whilst dealing with pain and discomfort.

-🐀💠 rat and viktor

[ashtraysystem]

as a fictive I find myself yearning for my source material at times. Wanting for what I know, the rules of my own world..

but at the same time I would miss on the love I have here.

[ashtraysystem]

I have a longing that cannot easily be described in words. Cannot be easily conveyed with mere sentences. I could certainly try, but would it make any difference? To spout the nonsense into the aether with no return? Nothing will be gained, and equally nothing lost, should I speak nothing or anything of it.

I long for the gentle touch of work worn hands massaging my aches and pains throughout my body, a warm vanilla cinnamon smokey scent, the hold of someone much larger than I. To be carressed and cared for, to allow myself to be as gentle as a dried fall leaf that threatens to crumble in your fingertips. To melt like chocolate in your palms. To feel and not feel. For peace and chaos. Silence and Noise.

I am very tired and wish to be small, to be held as tho I am just a frail fragile thing for that is how I feel inside. Outside I am. Not Me. Not Correct. The world around me doesn't match the memories I keep as mine own, but I logically know I am just a figment. A figment of imagination given life and consciousness. I will only be able to return to that life I hold in my memories through stories, writings and fiction. For my existence comes from that. Comes from Fiction. And so I have these memories of Me, but not me.

How do I cope with the lonliness of being so physically distant from who I believe myself to be? Who I am surrounded by in my dreams but awake to the imagining of this life that is not truly mine?

[ashtraysystem]

The smell of them puts my brain at such ease. I don't know why, but it does. It has a calming effect on me and its interesting.

[ashtraysystem]

dad: its getting late

me with my partner: yeah?

dad: its getting late

me: mhm??

dad: its 11 pm

me: yes? and??

dad: *exits room with a huff and a slammed door*

like bro if you aint gonna be clear with your expectations im not gonna do anything. like, you fall asleep to action movies the only one this would really affect is mom?? and moms totally cool with it bc its not a school/work night??

i aint gonna play games when you could literally be like "hey, your partner needs to leave for the night". like, just say what you mean??? dont make me have to guess all the time?? i stopped deciphering that because it was exhausting and not worth it for me??? i am?? really fucking dumb anyways????

-Rat🐀 (Viktor💠 cofront)