#wanted the little sillies present with me constantly so here we are now

[dead-leavez]

Computer desktop backgrounds made me your truly for your truly. Feel free to use them, just don't repost. (More info under the cut)

Also a fair warning, the Japanese is translated by me, and I while I know grammar stuff, my memorization and vocab is lacking AND I'm VERY fresh with the language. SO be aware of that. If there's a mistake or it sounds clunky etc etc, let me know.

IF anyone would like the files to edit it just dm me and I'll see what I can do. Might toss these into a drive if anyone's interested. Same goes for if the photos are major major ass quality. I've found they are slightly fuzzy/blurry just because of how manga panels are online, but yeah.

(idk why they display more teal-y, but they're not that colour in reality. disc did the same thing to my friend and I but it displays a much cooler blue on my computer so.)

[headspace-hotel]

Problems like climate change, where solving them requires millions of people to collectively work at hundreds of different solutions at once, are black holes for internal peacefulness because they give you a type of frustration where you alternately become bitter towards yourself or everyone around you. "If only I could work harder to fix the problem!" makes you exhausted, so you must become angry at others: "If only they cared about the problem!"

People who are already working on fixing climate change need to convince more people to work on it. And a popular thing is to share writings that describe how doomed we all are if climate change is not fixed, how terrible everything will be because of climate change, and how quickly all the treasures of our world are being lost.

There is a particular understanding of human behavior that is being accepted here without thinking about it hard enough. Popular news media shows headlines with terrible prophecies, written that way in hopes of getting the attention of otherwise disinterested people, who will then be "motivated" to fix climate change.

The trouble is that fear is no good for motivating thoughtful, patient, steady commitment to solving a problem. Fear is made to cause an organism to avoid things that might harm it. It creates a brief and explosive pulse of action where the organism's energy pours out as it instinctively, thoughtlessly reacts to escape the danger as fast as possible.

It's silly to blame people for avoiding thinking about climate change. The point of an organism responding to stressors is to avoid them. Oftentimes, the only tool people are presented with is personal choices about what products to buy, which inevitably is horribly frustrating and stressful, since a person will frequently be coerced by their situation into buying a certain product, and even if they don't they see others doing it all the time.

Relentless exposure to imminent threats that cannot be escaped causes Trauma, which severely impacts a person's ability to be resilient to stressors.

I think there is definitely a type of trauma associated with being constantly aware of the destruction of the environment and feeling helpless to do anything about it, especially since we as humans have a deep need for contact with other living things and aspects of the natural world, such as trees, water, flowers, and animals—a need that is often totally denied and treated as merely a Want or a hobby meant only for certain people who enjoy particular activities, like Hiking or Gardening.

We need to expand our minds on how this disconnection can hurt a human being. Imagine if a child's need to be loved by their caregivers, a person's need to be loved by their friends and family, was treated as a desire for indulgence or luxury, or a certain use of free time!

Yes, yes, one person has a condition that makes it hard to walk up hills, another doesn't like the bright sunshine, another is allergic to the grass or fungal components of the outdoor world, but WE ARE PART OF THE FAMILY OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH and WE EXIST IN SYMBIOSIS WITH THE ENVIRONMENT WHICH TAKES CARE OF US. Who showed you what beauty was, who taught you to feel peace and relief inside you in the form of a caressing breeze and rustle of leaves, who gave you awe and wonder at seeing the stars or the mountains? Where does every delicious food come from but the soil teeming with creatures? Isn't the most perfectly sweet berry grown from a plant, nurtured by the soil and pollinated by the bugs? Don't you feel delight at seeing a springy carpet of moss, a little mushroom, or a tiny bird? Think of all that the trees give us. Whose breath do you breathe? Whose body frames your home?

The writings of Indigenous writers such as the book by Mary Siisip Genuisz I am reading right now show me that the other life forms are our family. They take care of us and provide for us, and they would miss us if our species disappeared. Isn't that a powerful, healing fact? I think everybody is so enthusiastic about the book Braiding Sweetgrass because it is a worldview that those of us coming from the dominant colonizer culture are straight up ravenous, starving to death for.

Maybe, I think to myself, humans can experience a kind of trauma from being deprived a relationship with their Earth, just as they would experience trauma from being deprived relationships with other humans.

I really believe that it hurts us to be surrounded by concrete instead of soil, to see a majestic tree cut down on a whim without any justice possible, to see wild animals mostly in the form of mangled corpses on the roadside, to have poison sprayed everywhere to kill the insects that life depends on, to hear traffic and lawn mowers and weed whackers instead of birds and flowing water.

We KNOW that this is physically bad for our health, the stifling, polluted, and stressful environments of a civilization that doesn't know the ways of the plants, but I think it's a kind of moral injury too, right? To see a beautiful field turned into a housing development of ugly, big, expensive houses—no thought given to the butterflies and sparrows and quail of the field? To see a big old tree cut down, a pond full of frogs obliterated and turned into a drainage ditch beside a gas station? They aren't just things, they are lives, and while expansion and profit and progress are "necessary," a nice old field of wildflowers or a pond full of frogs are a different kind of necessary. I remember feeling this as a child without words for it—the sheer cruelty of a world that is totally without reverence for the other creatures.

"They own the property, they can cut down the tree" "They bought the land, they can do what they want with it" <but it can also be wrong, and many people know this on some level, even though our culture doesn't provide us with the framework.

Fear could never give people the motivation to fix climate change. Constant fear of what will happen in the future forces a person to protect themselves from the relentless stress by shutting it out entirely or developing apathy.

A fear based argument for fixing climate change either causes a worldview of nature with no bond of kinship at all, based on the physical and practical dependence on Nature as a "resource," or forces people to experience their kinship with Nature only through grief.

Fear tells us that we want to live—it does not tell us WHY to live. If a person tries to live on fear alone, they will eventually find the desire to live burdensome and painful in itself. I see this emerging on a society wide scale in the USA, feeding on influences from the Christian evangelicalism that sees the Earth as something already sullied and worthless, to be thrown away like a dirty tissue, and on the looming monolith of nuclear winter that gave our parents recurring nightmares as children.

If you go to r/collapse on Reddit (don't do that) you will see a whole community of people who cope with the threat of climate change by fantasizing about it, imagining it as a collective punishment for all humanity and a cathartic release from the present painful situation.

We cannot learn to live without seeing the reason for living. We cannot save the Earth without loving it. We cannot heal nature without caring for it. In order to collectively take action against climate change, we must be moved by something other than fear—and that something is love. Not just love of the outdoors as an activity, but love of the Earth as something that loves us.

The dominant Western culture cannot borrow Indigenous land stewardship techniques as though they are just one climate resilience strategy, without being also willing to change its dreadfully impoverished way of viewing human relationships with Nature.

What right have we to think, "Huh, maybe those guys were on to something with the multi-level polyculture systems and controlled burns" while still thinking humans are nothing but a disease on the Earth, and that Earth would be happy to be rid of us? The sustainable ways of using the land practiced traditionally by cultures who have lived in relationship with their ecosystems for many generations work because humans can exist in mutualistic symbiosis with the life forms around them. We care for them. They care for us.

I know for a fact that plants seek relationships with us, and I was taught by them to see how interconnected everything really is, and how I was made to be a caretaker of my ecosystem. I was, a few years ago, just as I describe above. Too scared and pessimistic about the future of nature to bother loving it, and because of this, I could not realize my niche in the ecosystem. It felt for many years like I could do nothing—i believed in climate change, but I felt hopeless, so I put it out of my mind. But when I began to cultivate a love and reverence for the sad, scraggly, beaten-down fragments of Nature around me, everything changed. So much became possible.

I am still learning and exploring, trying to open my mind to ideas totally different than the ones I knew growing up, paying close attention to every plant and learning its ways. And it stuns me to think—some people write about climate change without this process.

The author of the book "The Uninhabitable Earth" (a scary book about how doomed the Earth is because of climate change) says in the beginning of the book that he is not very much of a nature lover. You fool, love is our most powerful evolutionary adaptation!

[eee-lordy]

Number 13 please? I love sickfics!

here is a short little sick/comfort blurb for ya 😍

"I don't feel so good."

───※ ·❆· ※───

Jacob was bounding across the tarmac, suitcases flying behind him. After one long movie shoot and a never ending press tour he was finally home.

You stood giddy, watching him step closer and closer to car you waited outside of. Ever since he left to film, Jacob phoned every day, dreaming up plans with you for when he landed home again. There were countless dinners and dates and trips he couldn't wait to make happen with you, and it was finally time.

"My love!" You called, when he was finally in ear shot. Jacob halted his luggage by the tires of your car and swept you into an embrace that sent your heart fluttering. You hugged him back and let him lift your feet off the ground and rushed to stand and face him when you registered his sniffles.

"Miss me that much?!" You cooed. Jacob's eyes were red and misty, and then he spoke.

"Well duh. But... I don't feel so good." The poor guys voice was worn and you could tell now that there was a pallor to his face.

"Oh babe, come on let's get you home." You pet his face and watched as he grumbled in frustration, still keeping a hold of you.

"But we have reservations tonight. I really want to take you out. It's been too long-" Jacob whined and sniffled.

"Hey, s'okay. We can still make up for lost time without big plans. Don't argue! Get in the car, you poor tired thing." With a nudge, you directed your boy to head to the passenger seat while you snatched his luggage before he could reach it.

///

That night you whipped up a cocktail of cold remedies, drew a bath that was probably too hot, and dotted on Jacob's every move.

"S'just a cold love, I'm not a cripple or something." Jacob laughed a stuffy chuckle as you presented him with a warm pair of joggers and an old concert tee.

"Even if you weren't sick I'd still be all over you silly. I've waited months to trail behind you like a lost puppy. Months!"

"God I'm so glad you're who I've got to come home too. Once I don't feel on the verge of constantly passing out, you're getting this treatment times a billion." Your sweet boy ended his declaration with a vicious cough.

He'd pushed himself so hard this last handleful if months, to get his film finished and promoted and get the hell home. It was no wonder he caught a little something at the tail end of his never ending adventure.

You saw Jacob off to bed, tucking yourself in at his side and insisting he save stories of his time away for the morning.

///

The next day you snuck to the kitchen to cook up a big breakfast, letting him sleep away the sick and relishing in the simple fact that he was home at long last.

When Jacob finally padded into the main living space he tried insisting he felt much better, beginning a speech about taking you on a date.

"Absolutely not." You waved off the offer and sat the tall guy down. Neither of you were going anywhere until the red left his eyes and the sniffles stopped entirely. You ordered takeaway and kept Jacob on a steady cup of hot hot tea.

After a day of lounging, he seemed almost back to normal. Though you were hesitant to offer, you said "If you're still this lively by tomorrow night, I'll go out with you."

"Swear?" Jacob rose a brow, grinning in anticipation. You held out a pinkie as if to promise. You weren't long up, cozy in bed with your beloved boy, another early night.

And then... you woke up coughing. Awe fuck.

You tried to play it off. Like a passing tickle in your throat. But soon you were sat up sniveling away, much to your dismay. All your racket woke up the man at your side. And he registered your condition right off.

Jacob let out a low chuckle of surprise, a smile growing wider as he sat up to reach out to you.

"Jacob Elordi are you excited that I'm sick?"

"Of course not." He responded, planting a firm kiss to your head. "But I am looking forward to taking as much care of you as you've taken care of me the past two days."

You cooed and cuddled closer to his side, feeling weaker now that the sickness was unavoidably addressed.

"Don't you dare move. It's my turn now, my love." Jacob smiled, locking those beautiful dark eyes on yours before getting up to follow in your footsteps. Cooking and cleaning and laying out your clothes so you didn't have to lift a finger.

You were bummed to miss another night out. But you were so damn glad Jacob didn't let a little sickness ruin the time the pair of you had been waiting to spend connecting again after so long.

───※ ·❆· ※───

[milogreer]

touched on this in my top ten list, but i wanted to expand on it separately because i've been thinking about morgan and the seer obscura a lot lately 💭

so. "time is a song." morgan kinda blew up after its release, i feel like, and it's with good reason; the atmosphere of that audio is calm and sleepy but also, like… to me there's this longing for connection throughout the whole thing, ykwim?

like. we already know that the seer obscura is sort of at odds with their powers, given how they waited so long to go to the department, how they suppress their sight, and how they go radio silent after their first meeting with morgan. the seer obscura is clearly uncertain about all of this - morgan even calls them standoffish in "consulting with a seer." but they keep going back to him. being the only two known seer obscuras is naturally going to pull them together; the seer obscura is struggling to live with their unique type of sight after the inversion, and morgan is the only one who understands what they're going through.

(and he's gotta kinda pry them open because the seer obscura is notably a reserved person, but he's very gentle about it, he's understanding and patient and does his best to explain their shared sight even though he's never had to before because a) normal seers don't wanna hear it and b) he never thought there would be another seer obscura in his lifetime (much less one his own age) to talk to about it. and then giving them his own personal view of time when the typical water allegory doesn't work is just further building that connection between them.)

anyway, given the end of "learning about your magical abilities" and the fact that there's a year between its release and "time is a song," i'm sure they've gotten together at least a handful of times to work on the seer obscura's control. morgan to this point has consistently been open about wanting to help any way he can, but you can still kinda tell in "time is a song" that they aren't exactly friends yet, and that's why this one really gets me.

the setting for "time is a song" is so intimate - it's his home, in the middle of the night, with not a lot of time to make things presentable before someone he hardly knows outside of work comes over. the seer obscura needed help and comfort and even when they tried to backtrack out of asking for that, morgan invites them over anyway. he says he specifically focused on tidying up the apartment rather than himself, which means he’s looking like he just out rolled out of bed because he literally did. and that's just such a vulnerable thing to me, and it allows the rest of the audio to settle into this quiet, comfortable space that the seer obscura needs.

"when i said you can call anytime, i meant that." "another seer obscura like me[.]" "then there's you and me." "but you've got me. i'm here." "i want to know you." "it takes two to tango; you asked, and i said 'let's dance.'" like it's all just. i feel like i'm going to cry right now just thinking about this LMAO the seer obscura feels so lonely to me and morgan is constantly reassuring them that they aren't alone in this anymore, and i think that means a great deal to them.

to me this entire audio is thick with tension, but it really ramps up when they move out onto the balcony and morgan starts listing things he likes, because it's a shift from obscura lore dump to a personal heart-to-heart. he opened up his home to them and now he's opening himself up too. he gets a little silly! and then he drops the "i want to know you. you won't know that unless i tell you, so i'm telling you. [...] we can just be people with one another, too." and it is genuinely one of the most insane things i've heard in the entirety of the redactedverse. the period of silence after his laughter trails off where you can feel him gearing up to say something, the sincerity with which he says it, the relaxed atmosphere, the mental image of the only two seer obscuras on earth standing together on a balcony in the early morning hours...

(there's more to be said wrt the seer obscura backpedaling in the beginning and later apologizing for "wasting" morgan's time after he's already told them he wants to get to know them, but this post is long enough without me theorizing about that. i'm really interested to see if it gets touched on again; i'd like to know more about them.)

um. anyway. i'm driven insane by the audio every single time. all of the insane lore gained from all three audios so far aside (<- refusing to think about how morgan brought having your threads cut into the prime timeline instead of leaving it in cataclysm), the relationship these two have already is just captivating. the end

[maxipad031]

hey girl! i loveee ur account! can we get a best friends to lovers fic please? Shuri and reader are like 20, and reader realises she isn’t straight because she starts crushing on Shuri.<33

i like you silly

synopsis: fluffy and short fic where you start to realise your growing crush on your best friend, shuri. you don’t know where she stands, but she soon lets you know and you begin to understand yourself more.

contains: shuri x black reader, cute crushing, fluff, brief sadness, make out session, best friend to lovers x

and thank you smmm!🥰

novacane by frank ocean blasted in your sony headphones as you bopped your head continuously to the beat, your hand moving rapidly as you scribbled down equations for your calculus homework. it was literally due the next day and you'd forgotten all about it until your friend reminded you like 30 minutes ago through a lengthy text explaining how she lost it. your room was flipping messy, clothes on the floor, on the bed, heaped upon your vanity chair. the curtains were basically closed but there was a peak of natural light as your purple LED lights dominated the room, making it glow a soft lilac. something about purple just put you in a focusing mood, so yes your room had to be covered in it. just as the song was about to change, it stopped abruptly, and you shifted your gaze over to your phone, confused. sighing, you realised a call was coming through and when you saw who it was, your heart leaped in your chest.

my shuri <3

was displayed on the rectangular screen and you hurriedly fumbled everything away to pick up your phone to answer, crunching the papers under your weight in the process. as you clicked the bright green phone button, her breath taking voice came through into your headphones, loud as fuck.

"y/n, are you busy?" she asked softly, waiting patiently for your reply. you glanced at the phone, your homework underneath you and your phone again, "nope!" you answered, maybe way too excitedly.

"ah perfect, can you meet me at café moon in 10?"

"of course shuri, ill be there." you assured, packing away all your papers and into their designated folders, "is everything okay though?" you asked, realising its unusual behaviour for shuri to be calling you randomly since she's always busy with her tech projects.

"oh yeah, i just want to see you, make sure you're okay." she replied, her voice laced with some kind of additive that made you want to hear it all the time.

"okay, see you hunnie buns." she didn't reply straight away, but you cut off the call as you didn't want to hear her reply to your bold action anyways. well, to be honest, it wasn't even that weird because in your....friendship, you called each other lots of things like bae, darling, love, honey. it didn't really mean anything....or so you thought. you disconnected your headset and slipped it off, resting it on your oak desk as you attempted to make your dorm room look at least a little presentable, just in case you both came back here. shuri was used to your room being a mess though, she always says "it adds to your character, " with that silly, cute eye smile she does that makes you want to just give her pecks all over her face.

your mind often wavered like this and at first it was just subtle, cute scenarios you'd imagine before going to bed, but now it's just full blown delusion, things that would never happen between the two of you; i'll leave that up to your imagination.

you'd always identified as a straight individual since all you did were date boys in high school, but after meeting shuri, all of that went straight out the window and you've only been able to look at her: everyone else is blotted out with a black marker pen. she's in the centre of your thoughts, running around in your head rent free. you'd never really had close friends, so you orignally thought it was your clinginess that made you so drawn to her, constantly wanting to be around her at all times. however lately, it didn't make sense that you'd been feeling this way for this long, almost two years now. you usually lost interest in other friends you had but this was different, it was so clear now,

you fucking liked her.

it was a hard pill to swallow, the fact you were probably bisexual...or a lesbian? actually no, because you genuinely had feelings for the guys you dated, so you're probably bi...you think? whatever, labels confuse you and you don't care about them. right now, you're shurisexual and that's all that matters.

you sat up on your bed to look in the illuminating mirror as you ruffled your tangled curls, to the left, to the right, just everywhere until it looked nice and presentable. you were already wearing a large purple hoodie, so you just replaced your booty shorts with baggy ripped jeans. quite motivated to look nice, you picked up your makeup pouch from the vanity table and began to touch up your face, only a little concealer and lip gloss. once that was done, you cleaned your room further, stuffing your disorganized clothes deep inside your closet and kicking any loose objects under the double bed. with a deep sigh, you grabbed your phone and the keys from the drawer before heading out, making sure to lock your door securely. you walked quickly past all the loud kids occupying the dorm hallway, and rushed down the spiral stairs to basically sprint outside. as there were no cars coming at that moment, you crossed the quite busy road and ran down to the café shuri had told you to meet her at.

by the time you arrived, you were huffing and puffing as you tried to catch your breath. you had no idea why you ran but it was probably due to the fact you were so eager to see your best friend again after like two days. the cafe’s large glass windows exposed it’s interior. it wasn’t that busy and looked calm as always, everyone minding their own business studying or talking. as you grabbed the door handle, you eyes flickered to a familiar presence . it was shuri, sitting on a high chair that was facing the window, which faced the street, and seemingly engrossed in something on her phone as she scrolled. you walked in and the bell above the shop door rung at your arrival as shuri’s head whipped in your direction. you adjusted your hair behind your ear shyly and watched as she flashed you a bright smile while you walked over towards her.

“heyy ma, how is my darling.” she greeted, wrapping her long arm around your torso as you hugged each other. her embrace was comforting, you never wanted to let go. unfortunately, you had to depart from her and when you did, you sat down on the high chair next her.

“shuri, you forgot about me for two days, huh.” you scolded jokingly, as you crossed your arms and fake pouted.

“you know that’s not the case y/n.” she laughed at your fake act, taking a sip of coffee that she just ordered, “do you want anything to eat or drink?” she asked in a caring manner as her hands nestled in her lap.

“nah i’m alright, thanks though.” you played with the hem of your hoodie subtly as you grew nervous under her gaze. this was such an unusual feeling, you were normally the one making people shy, not the other way around. she nodded and rested her elbows on the shelf-like table before you both. she stared outside for a minute, her sharp jawline flexing as her eyes travelled. she has recently cut her curly hair and it was shaved at the sides, leaving the top sitting nicely and dropping over her forehead. the day she sent you that selfie pic of her freshly-cut hair, a tear ran down your leg; it was so attractive on her and she definitely knew it. you were beginning to understand that you didn’t wanna be her, you wanted to be with her. she wore a purple tracksuit this day, kimoyo beads wrapped around her slender wrists and her sunglasses propped up the middle of her forehead. she clicked her tongue softly and spun the chair around to face you,

“i have something to say.” she announced. your heart jumped and skipped and hopped before falling back down into your ass. you knew she wasn’t going to say what you thought she was going to say, but it was nerve wracking nontheless.

“go on.” you said, eyes wide open in anticipation.

“i’m going back to wakanda in two weeks.” shuri replied, playing with her glowing kimoyo beads as her eyes darted around the small cafe, avoiding your eye contact.

“wait what, why?!” the corner of your lip twitched with disappointment.

“my brothers funeral, i must be there.” she said, smiling weakly as an emotion of sadness washed over her eyes simultaneously. seeing her grieve for her brother broke your heart into a million pieces and you wanted to do nothing but comfort her. you slowly reached over her lap to cup her cold hands in yours. you massaged it lightly as you looked up at her, “that’s totally fine shuri, i’ll be here waiting for you.” shuri shifted her gaze to you and you swear for a split second it was a look that said, “i love you so much,” but it also might’ve been your imagination. she gave you another hug, squeezing you so tight, you had to tap her shoulder for her to soften up a little, “you don’t know how much i appreciate you y/n.” she sniffed a bit as she pulled away from you, holding her head up ever so lightly so stop any welling tears from escaping.

“hey, why don’t we go back to mine.” you suggested, pulling her up off the high chair. seeing her upset broke you and you wanted to cheer her up as soon as possible. shuri grabbed her now cold-coffee with her free hand and nodded her head as she obliged. you both stood up to leave and you led her out of the shop. the sun was blazing above and you instantly regretted wearing a big hoodie. shuri seemed to notice your discomfort as you constantly pulled at the neck of the clothing,

“you should come to wakanda, you’d die if you wore something like that outside.” she commented picking up the pace to walk beside you, her infamous eye smile displaying itself and making you melt as you stared at her.

you chuckled before replying, “take me then, i’ve always wanted to go.” you unintentionally held her hand as you crossed the road together. shuri paused and stared down at the interconnection of your hands; she didn’t pull away but held on tighter instead. you didn’t even notice the small act of affection as you scanned the road, careful you both didn’t get hit.

“alright.” shuri whispered under her breath, seriously contemplating to take you with her.

~~~

“how dare you plus five me, what the fuck!” you yelled, as shuri aggressively put down a blue +5 card. you two had resorted to playing uno flip and right now, she had you fucked up. she’d never played it until now but boy did she pick up the game fast, she even knew tactics to stop you from winning.

“sorry but i’m not letting you win.” shuri smirked as she watched you reluctantly pick up five cards from the deck when you previously had two cards left. the game resumed and you stared menacingly at her, your competitive side really coming out. shuri had four cards left whilst you ended up with seven from picking some up. she put some reverses, which skipped your turn, but just before she put down the second to last card, you yelled out UNO before she could realise and you cackled maniacally, picking up two cards to give to her. shuri quickly realised her mistake and shook her head, “you didn’t even tell me i had to say uno when i had one card left.”

“yes i did? that’s the point of the game.” you arched your eyebrow.

“you didn’t.”

“wanna fight?” you asked jokingly, putting your cards to the side and pretending to pack up your thick hair.

“like you’d win.” shuri rolled her eyes and cuffed up her sleeves as she put her cards to the side as well.

full on ready to actually wrestle with her, you leaped from your side on the bed to hers and she surprisingly caught you, flipping you over and laughing as she pretended to punch you,

“please please please, let me live, oh mighty black panther please!” you closed your eyes as if you were scared, rubbing your hands together as a sign of mercy. you were the only one here in america that knew she was the black panther by accident, and you’d sworn to never tell a soul.

after you heard nothing, you opened your eyes to peek and saw her doing a funny face. you both then bust out laughing at your silly behavior, forgetting that she was still on top of you. your laughing started to die down before you suddenly realised the position you were both in and instantly start to panic. her face was literally inches away from yours, as her minty breath tickled your nose. completely rapt, you didn’t know what to do so you just lifted your hands up to hold the sides of her small waist. she felt the sudden touch, and looked down at you, also realising how close in proximity you were to each other. you could do nothing but stare at her lips, perfectly two toned, glistening from the lip vaseline she always uses, and slightly parted. the urge to kiss her was so strong and nearly overtook you but your mind started to ramble and it unfortunately transferred into words out loud,

“shuri, i’m so sorry, i know this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but i like you, i really do, i’ve been liking you since i met you, i just didn’t know how to say it, i’m sorry, you probably don’t even feel the same way, but i just felt like i needed to-”

it seemed like shuri had the same thing in mind as your words were interrupted, by the feeling of her soft lips placed upon yours, maybe as a way to indirectly tell you to shut up. your eyes were wide open from shock but you shut them and kissed her back with a more needy approach. it felt like you were in another realm entirely, just you and her, together, nothing else mattered. your lips moved in sync as you held onto her waist tighter, liking the way her body felt on top yours. before you could slip some tongue in, she pulled away licking her lips as her eyes danced around the room, seemingly embarrassed by what just occurred. she gently climbed off of you and sat up, packing away the uno cards. you held yourself upright with your elbows watching her contently.

“shuri.”

she didn’t reply, focused on tidying up the bed.

“shuri!” you held your hand to stop her from her actions and she stared at you blankly before grabbing the sides of your face and pulling you into another kiss.

what in the world was happening right now.

her hands were enveloped in your brown locks and you pulled her closer, putting your hands on her shoulders to deepen the intimate kiss that was being shared by the two of you. shuri seemed like she wanted this for a long time, but so did you and you were going to make every second count. she was the first to slip her tongue in your mouth and you eagerly welcomed it. her muscular arms wrapped around your waist and propped you up onto her lap impatiently. you’d previously taken your hoodie off when you two came back and so you were left in a white tank top. her large hands rubbed against your chest area unintentionally and that riled you up even further. the kiss got hungrier, deeper as you snaked your hands around her neck, fingers laced in her tight coils as you devoured each other.

honestly, if this carried on, it was going to lead to something else and you didn’t think you were fully ready for that right now especially if shuri didn’t feel as deeply for you as well, so you hesitantly parted your lips away from shuri’s, leaving a string of saliva connecting the two of you. shuri breathed heavily as she looked up at you through her chocolate orbs, her lips having grown in size from the fervent make out session. you adjusted your top that had rode up from the touching and carefully got down from shuri’s lap,

“i’m sorry if i made you uncomfortable, i don’t know what came of over me, i understand if you don’t like me anymore i’m sorry-” shuri blabbered, worried to death that she’d made you feel weird, hence why you stopped.

“no shuri, that was amazing, of course i like you silly, i just told you a whole essay about it.” you giggled, placing your forehead on hers lovingly, “i stopped because i just have a question to ask you.” you said mysteriously, as you sat up against the headboard of your double bed.

“go ahead,” shuri urged you to continue as she followed you, also moving so her back was against the headboard.

“do you want to be my girlfriend?” you inquired bluntly. you didn’t think you’d ever say that to anyone but surprise surprise, here you were.

“i thought you’d never ask.” shuri hugged you for the 30th time that day and you hugged her back, filled with absolute bliss. you were so certain she’d reject you but her feelings for you might’ve been even stronger than yours for her; no that’s impossible. you couldn’t wait for what’s the future held for you two as well as how your relationship would work out. however, not everything was all roses and daisies as you remembered that’s she’s eventually going to leave you soon.

“wait shuri, aren’t you leaving, i’m not going to be able to see you.” you pouted, holding her hands as your head was down in woe.

“well, you said you wanted to come, didn’t you, i can definitely organize that.” shuri replied, lifting your chin up to look at her.

“what!? you don’t mean it...i can go to wakanda?! oh my god, no fucking way, i’ve always wanted to go! shuri, i could literally buy you a lamborghini right now.” you yelled out, full of excitement as you jumped off the bed and ran laps around your small dorm room screaming your head off like a lunatic, almost tripping on the loose objects all over the floor.

shuri laughed wholeheartedly at your thrilled uproar, loving how gorgeous you looked when you were happy. this was going to be a great few weeks for you two.

🫶

[mushyblushyredhead]

TickleTober 2023 🎃

Presented by @august-anon

DAY 2: Accidental (Marvel)

Lee!Peter 1

Lers!Peter 2 & 3

Summary: An innocent brotherly cuddle pile between the three Spider-bros suddenly turns ticklish when the older Peters make an interesting discovery about their youngest brother.

So cuddly…so warm.

A collection of content sighs filled the air of the oldest Peter’s apartment. The three Spider-Men were currently cuddled up next to each other in a makeshift blanket nest that the younger two begged Peter 2 to let them set up.

And so here they were: the oldest Peter in the middle of the cuddle pile with his two younger brothers snuggled up on either side of him. He had his arms wrapped around the youngsters, his fingers gently running through their fluffy hair.

“Mmm…this is nice,” the middle Peter said. The youngest hummed happily in agreement. “This is honestly like, free therapy right here.”

Peter 2 chuckled. “Aww. As long as it makes you guys happy. I’ll admit, this brotherly cuddle nest you guys set up really is nice. I think we were all due for a nice cuddle. Especially our newest little Spidey here.” He gave a squeeze to the youngest Peter.

“Heyyyy,” Peter 1 whined. “I’m not that little.”

“Are you kidding? You’re our adorable baby bro!” Peter 3 cooed, reaching over to ruffle the younger’s hair.

“Aaah! Heheyyy! Quit ihit!”

“Alright you two, relax,” Peter 2 said with a fond eye roll. “But he’s got a point, little Pete. You technically are the baby brother of our trio.” The youngest pouted with a huff. “Hey, don’t take it in a bad way. It just means you’ll get double the hugs and affections because you’re so cute!” Peter 2 booped the youngest’s nose.

Peter 1 rolled his eyes. “C’mon guys, you both treat me like I’m five. Have you forgotten that I’m frickin’ Spider-Man?”

“An adorable Spider-Man!” The middle brother chirped. He sat up from the cuddle pile to playfully squish the littlest Peter’s cheeks. “I don’t know how you could ever have any enemies, little bro. You’re too cute! How can your enemies not spare you or constantly stay mad at you if you’re this adorable?”

The teasing combined with the face squishes was making Peter 1 blush and let out involuntary giggles. “S-Stohohop, you weirdo!”

Peter 3 kept talking. “I mean look at him, Dos! If you were his enemy, would you wanna keep fighting this kid?”

The oldest couln’t help but laugh at the unfolding predicament. “No, definitely not. If anything, I think it would make me want to do this instead for all the times he’s foiled my plans!” He surprised the youngest Spidey by suddenly scooping him up in an upside down hug, making Peter 1 squeal as he now dangled upside down.

“Hehehey! Put me dowwwn!” Peter 1 couldn’t stop giggling. The silliness of being upside down made him feel like a little kid again.

The little wholesome moment was interrupted when Peter 2 gave a playful squeeze to the younger’s sides. The reaction was instantaneous; Peter 1 squeaked loudly and kicked out his legs, almost hitting his older brother in the face.

The room fell silent. Finally, Peter 3 broke the silence. “What was that? Did you just squeak, lil’ Pete?”

The youngest blushed. “Uhhm…n-no..?”

“Then what was that noise? Did that hurt when I touched you there?” The oldest Peter frowned with concern. “I’m sorry if I did.”

“N-No its not that..! It’s—I’m just—uhm…”

When the littlest brother didn’t respond, Peter 2 gave another experimental squeeze in the same spot and the same thing happened; Peter 1 jolted with another loud squeak. Crap-eating grins spread across the two older Spider brothers’ faces.

“Ohh I think I know what it is,” the oldest said in a sing-song voice.

“I think a certain little Spider-bro is ticklish~” Peter 3 sang.

Peter 1’s blush darkened. He rapidly shook his head, attempting to squirm out of the upside down hug with no luck. “N-No I’m not! Get a-away from me! Both of you!”

“Gosh, he’s squirming so much,” Peter 2 said with a huff.

“Why not put him down?” the middle Peter suggested.

“No! Nohoho c’mon guys!” In a matter of seconds, Peter 1 was dumped onto the pile of blankets and immediately pinned by his older brothers. His oldest brother had him trapped in his lap; wrists grabbed and pinned above his head. And his other older brother took a seat by his legs, resting his fingers on his kneecaps. “Guhuhuys! Guys pleaheeheehease! y-you don’t have to—EEEEHP!!”

Peter 1 squealed as his sides were tased. The culprit turned out to be his cheeky middle brother.

“And just how come you never told us about this, little Spidey?”

“Yeah, how come you didn’t tell us our little bro was ticklish?”

“I-I dihihidn’t know! And I’m not even tickliAAAAHA!” His lie was cut short when the fingers that tased his sides now vibrated and stayed glued in that spot. “NAAAHAhahaheeHEEE! Qhuihihit thaHAAhat!”

“Awww someone’s not a very good liar~” Peter 3 sing-songed. He moved his fingers upward, spidering them to Peter 1’s ribs next. He grinned when he saw how his little brother twitched with a girly squeal.

Feeling a bit left out of the playful banter, the oldest Spider-Man finally joined in. His free hand fluttered against Peter 1’s neck, resulting in another squeal and leg kick.

“Whoa! Easy there, little bro,” exclaimed Peter 3. “Don’t kick me.”

“I-I caHAHAhan’t hehehelp ihihit!” Peter 1 squeaked out. His blushy face was really starting to rival his Spidey suit. Out of all the embarrassing things his brothers could’ve discovered and exploited, it just had to be this one.

Things got worse when the middle Peter decided to scribble across his belly and the oldest fluttered his fingers under his arm.

“EEAAAHEHEEEHAHAAAA!! NAHAHAO N-Not thEHEHhere!!”

“Not where?” Both Peters innocently asked.

“T-Thehehehere!! Both…Both plahahahaces!!”

“Awww!!” Peter 3 couldn’t help but coo. “Ticklish tummy and armpits?” The littlest shook his head rapidly as more giggles poured out. “Awww! We got a ticklish tummy and armpits here! How cuuuute!”

“S-StAHAhap teasing, you jeheherk!” Peter 1 giggle-whined.

“Peter Dos, do you hear that sass?” The middle Spidey pretended to be offended.

“Yeah, I heard it. And I don’t think I like that tone you’re using, little bro.”

Both spider brothers cracked their knuckles for dramatic effect before plunging their fingers down and tickling anywhere they could reach: underarms, in between ribs, behind the knees, even Peter 3 got evil enough to slip his hands under his squealing bro’s shirt to scribble at his bare tummy.

It was maddening. It was torture. But it was…fun. Gosh, how long has it been since Peter 1 even laughed like this? A long time, in fact. Long before Mr. Stark left.

But here he was now, red faced and giggling brightly. Instinctively kicking and squirming, but not putting up too much of a fight to get away. Turns out, it’s not so bad letting his older spider counterparts know of his one little weakness. It was fun, and it made him feel genuinely happy to get to play around with the other Peters like this after everything.

So yeah. It’s not so bad letting his ticklishness be exposed and exploited. As long as they didn’t find out about his extra sensitive belly button or that one spot right under his arm and above his highest rib—oh nope. Too late.

There’s nothing Peter 1 can hide from his counterpart brothers, apparently. And that especially includes tickle spots. Ohh he was so getting them back for this!

THE END :3

[thefiresofpompeii]

now that i’ve deferred because a uni degree is nothing but an entrance ticket into moderate financial security and not worth utterly obliterating my mental health over i am compiling my own curriculum. all the posts i’ve ever tagged with #ref because they contain essays articles and other texts that i want to read but have never gotten around to, all that goes on the list. around fifty academic articles and book chapters downloaded onto my laptop from jstor while i still have access to it, tailored to fit my personal interests.

rearranging my self-education. little mx autodidact. carving out a passage through the brambles with a freshly sharpened machete. make no mistake, the thorns are piercing and will continue to tear at my exposed limbs, but the pain is worth the fruits of knowledge at the end, real knowledge and not something superimposed from above. i know, i know, undergrads aren’t afforded that freedom of narrowing our study, it’s something earned with time and effort and only fully permitted at a “higher” level of education, but who determines these levels?

it sounds silly and rash, but it’s a long-deliberated decision. the university environment is not right for my weird brain despite my literary inclinations, and i prefer to select my own path towards learning while working a low paying job on the side. perhaps i’ll return in a year’s time after all, matured and mellowed, hardened or roughened with real-life experience and online self-teaching, to pursue liberal arts as the most, well, liberated pathway. maybe not.

maybe if i had gone to one of those colleges where they allow you to pick and choose your own modules for your degree entirely (like one of the people that i most admire on this website did in its time) things would have gone down differently, but alas. let the world keep turning and let everything that serves no purpose any longer decompose and compost into something new .

“what has this got to do with autism?” you may ask, “i’m autistic and i completed a normal bachelors’ degree just fine.” your answer: having been in a place of moderate autistic burnout for years that abruptly turned severe in the past few months, my bodymind has shifted into what is known rather disparagingly under the medical model as “autistic regression” or “regressive autism”: a gradual distancing further and further away from accepted neurotypical standards of moving through and navigating the world around me.

one of the ways in which this unmasking presents itself, apart from the more noticeable characteristics such as outwardly visible stimming and a complete absence of eye contact, is a total inability to focus on, be motivated by and/or engage in any (textual, literary, cinematic etc etc) materials that do not connect at least tangentially or superficially with my special interests (that being ghosts/hauntings, hauntology, folk horror, lovecraftiana/cosmic horror, horror in general, the gothic, neurodiversity, alternative music; narratives/storytelling, folklore/fairytales; queer theory; carceral abolition and liberation; and a few other subjects here unlisted). according to normative capitalist logic of usefulness and productivity, that makes me “severely disabled” by virtue of “restricted interests”. i would say it makes me a interesting person with tall twisted tales to tell, but nevermind that silly nonsense, it’s a mad person speaking.

at this present moment i have no motivation, wish nor desire to continue wasting time and energy attempting to study and remember things that do not connect with the key concepts that my mind is constantly orbiting around. if that makes me incurious or annoying or limited, so be it — this neurological difference affects every aspect of my personality and i do not wish to change it. if the world around us refuses to change, we must either alter it ourselves or construct our own pathways out of the shadows and into the moonlit garden.

[cocogrrrl]

waiting list

“do you even love me?” the question floated stale in the air. (or you and stan talk things out)

stan marsh x gn!reader cw: angsty, neglectful (i think?) relationships, implied self destructive stan, big-hearted yn :( wc: 777

an: stangst season!!! i love this a lot its very personal heart heart heart let a silly guy be silly

“Do you even love me?” The question floated stale in the air.

Deep down, you trusted within yourself that he did love you, yet you also felt like it could very much be otherwise. If he wanted to, he would. What exactly does it mean for someone like Stan to love you? What would it look like? Cause you’re sure as hell it wouldn’t look like this.

“I do,” his words felt incomplete. It felt like there was a but. However, whether it’d be an explanation or an excuse, it was buried within his throat.

“Then why do I have to question if you even like me?”

You knew he was beside you, but god you’re so far away from him that you could’ve sworn that two feet felt like two thousand. If you reached your hand out for him to hold, it’ll never meet his, even if he wanted to hold your hand. It’s because he might never see your hand extending out to him.

You wondered if any of your words even registered in his head at a distance like this.

“I’m sorry…” He sighed, relieving pressure by rubbing the back of his neck.

“I don’t want a sorry, Stan. I want us to be happy again. An apology isn't going fix everything.”

You swore that this is like your hundredth time repeating this. Maybe you’ll never be able to reach him—no matter what you do. When the vinyl has a divot in it, it usually skips sections or repeats it. To him, whenever you have these conversations, you are just like a broken record.

“Well, what should I do then?”

“I don’t know? I just want us to go back to how it was when we started dating. I want everything to go back to ‘normal.’”

“What exactly is normal?”

“...I wouldn’t know, I guess.”

You didn’t like this side of him. The side that seemed to be always so skeptical of everything. You learned how to love it, though. You’ve always stuck to the rule that if you love someone, you should love them a hundred percent. Anything else is just an idealized version of them.

“Do you feel even a little bit bad, Stan? For either one of us?

“Of course I do.” Finally, his gaze is turned to yours. “I feel bad that I keep trying to push everything away. It’s hurting both of us.” His tone was sympathetic, guilty even.

“Then why don’t you do anything to fix it?”

Because it’s all he knows. Because it is his second nature. Because it’s the only language that he’s been taught to speak.

You already knew the answer. Why did you even bother?

“It’s hard, dear. You know it is.” He took a long exhale. It almost felt dragged to piss you off. You knew you were looking a bit too into the lines, but everything right now seemed to either tick you off or make you upset.

“I know, but I’ve never even seen you try.” Or at least fully commit to it.

“I really have tried. I just… It’s really difficult.”

“Can’t I do anything to help? Please, I want to help you. I want us to go back to how it was.”

That, perhaps, is your greatest weakness. Your inability to let go of the past. You are a hoarder of memories. Ones you could throw out, you don’t. You keep them in your palms and will cling to them to make you feel fulfilled.

The collection of memories you hold are reminders that you have been happy. The present is here to pull you down. The future is a reminder of doom, but can also be a beacon of hope. As of now, things for you are bleak.

“How long will it take? Stan, I can’t keep waiting forever for something I’m not sure will ever come.”

You weren’t sure if that was a lie or the truth.

On one hand, you constantly lie restless, waiting for any semblance of a healthy life between the two of you. It was like watching the bottom of a large hourglass, unsure when will the sand run out. All you had and were left to do was watch and wait—hoping that the end will come while you were present.

On the other hand, you had a big heart. If your heart had a bouncer, Stan would have no issue with that. His name is tattooed on the waiting list. You knew deep in yourself he’s left a big dent in you, but scars make you beautiful, right?

One beat.

Two beats.

Three beats.

“Why don’t you wait for someone else then?”

[safrona-shadowsun]

Daily Writing Challenge || 2024

Day 1: Mysterious / Appearance (Gravekeeper)

Day 2: Agony/Embrace

Day 3: Shame/Favorite

It was a meeting, in secrecy. The warlock constantly underestimated Elernia, and now she swore Safrona would pay for her lax attention, her utter dismissal and betrayal. Their infernal bond waned as the warlock's bond with the new young succubus AND incubus strengthened, allowing the Elder Sayaad to roam further from the warlock without notice. She lured a victim by teaching her name to the right lovesick acolyte and she was effectively summoned in the dank crypt long enough for her to overpower and slaughter the silly elf. And now, presenting the fresh flesh with the right sigil, she bid the one in mind to attend her.

The Sayaadi presented herself in her full demonic glory for her potential new favorite. No glamour, even giving over the truth of her name. A Sister would have been taken aback at such a risk. Elernia might have even been called foolish, a weak link among the Legion even, once, but there was a trust to be earned here with her audience. She could feel the cold distrust in the icy stare she was given as her victim rose anew, yet Elernia basked in the presence as if it were a stage spotlight, putting on her best infernal charm. She was intent on winning over her new prospect.

“Why did you call me here, demon?” Her company was not so easily charmed, none too thrilled to be called to the husk the demon murdered.

“Mmmn, curiousity,” Elernia offered coquettishly. “You would not have answered unless you were just a bit curious too, no? Have you forgotten me already?”

“Perhaps." How DID the demon know the personal sigil to call that particular soul by? "But I will not play your games long, especially if I don't feel quite entertained.” Her company’s voice darkened with an insidious edge. “Sometimes toys like to break.”

The succubus laughed, titilated. “Oh…promise my Pretty? We can play any time, but I called you here because I’d like to think we have some things in common.” Elernia sighed with a little dramatic flair.” My mistress shames us both.”

“I have very little care in how your mistress shames you. She is a mistake. And she will breed more mistakes until she is buried.”

“Oh, I absolutely agree,” Elernia grinned intensely. “It took me far too long to realize that little truth, sadly. I placed her on a damned pedestal for SO very long. Now the years of devotion to her melt to nothing, and I've been such a fool. I am nearly 327 years now, my Pretty, and I am shamed to only now see the lesson. The Shadow on the Sun is a mistake of life, and has little worth on the Path of Power. She is disgustingly complacent, wasting every breath she's stolen."

Elernia could see her contact had quieted with a gathering interest, giving pause to all that she would say. “After all my years of devotion and service in making her stronger, she dares to replace me. ME.” Hate oozed out in each sharply spoke word now, the demon did not mince a word. “I am trapped, made useless, cast aside. Abandoned by the one I have been a constant too. And I seethe.”

Her company scoffed. “Seems to me you must lay in the bed you made. Maybe you’ll warm the empty sheets with your ‘righteous’ anger.”

“Oh, but I’m a little rebel.” Elernia shimmied, and slid her fingers down her skin sensually. “And I want a new bed.”

A wave of dismay, even disgust radiated from her singular witness. “Don’t even think to ask. I will NOT pact with you. I won't make the same mistake again.”

Elernia pouted briefly, but feigned consignment to the denial. “Be that as it may, scorned soul to soul, I offer my help to you out of the kindness of my little black heart. If she gets to play favorites, so will I.”

The corpse sighed. “So now you’re going to find new ways to annoy me? I don't quite like the idea of you knowing how to call me.”

“Oooh Pretty, that hurts! Think about what I'm offering. A direct connection to the little bitch. Information, freely.” Elernia leaned forward, basking in the luminent visage of her company as she whispered her schemes. “I offer opportunity for you to take. I can see that one gleaming desire when you look at me, even now. You desire to make her suffer as much as I do.”

The banshee gazed now in return, her yellow eyes agleam on the succubus as she processed the potential of the words that next slithered off the demon's tongue. “And when we have ruined her enough and had our fun? I will happily help you to bury her."

Elernia felt a swell of victory as the corpse the banshee wore showed a sign of a smile, just before it rapidly rotted, contorted upon itself with sickening crunches, and lay dead once more. "I must go, the spectral form replied, an old haunt to the demon that held its wealth of nostalgia. "Perhaps...we'll speak again. But first, be a good demon and de-bone your little gift for me. "

The Lady Haunt gazed on the crumpled acolyte thoughtfully as the demon began to separate bone from the withered husk. "In fact, make more gifts of more stupid warlocks for me, and I'll continue to answer in the "flesh". I think it's terribly fitting of you."

@daily-writing-challenge

[hilsonamore]

HI LOVIES

here’s a small little get to know me, since everybody’s doing it and i don’t want to feel left out-😔

BE KIND, ANY SORT OF BIGOT IN NOT WELCOME IN THIS BLOG!!!

Note: This is a HOUSE MD blog, but i might throw in some other random stuff from time to time (also dps)

I’m Vi, but you’re welcome to call me whatever you feel like suits me best✨ and my pronouns are she/her, they/them, but i prefer the latter :)

I’m a chaotic biromantic asexual or just an ace lesbian with the worst case of comphet known to man🤭

I BELIEVE IN ACE WORLD DOMINATION 🖤🩶🤍💜

I love science and psychology and i want to become a psychiatrist or neurologist or neuroscientist or something in-between, so im hoping to get into med-school or to do a bio undergrad-

I love books and movies that rip my heart out, i love obsessing over shows and hyperfixating on one thing for a really long time, i draw and write poetry, i constantly play the same 3 songs on the guitar because i can’t bother to learn anything else, i hate listening to my music with other people because it just feels wrong, i bake cupcakes and cry a lot and i study hard and cry some more, i’m responsible but also pretty gullible, too sensitive for my own good and i value my alone time.

I’m an INFJ, overshare a lot, pretty perfectionistic but also prone to burn-out

currently obsessed with: house m.d, medicine related stuff and trying to ace all my exams😔

Top 3 Favourite shows (in that order):

I) House M.D

II) Stranger Things

III) Friends

Top 3 Favourite movies:

I) Dead poets society

II) But i’m a cheerleader

III) Pride and Prejudice

Top 3 Favourite books:

I) A little life

II) Six of Crows Duology

III) Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe

Top 3 favourite songs:

I) Punisher (copycat killer version) - Phoebe bridgers

II) I don’t smoke - Mitski

III) Who we are - Hozier

Fandoms: House Md, Dead poets society, Stranger things, pjo , pride and prejudice, the owl house, a little life + multiple others that i can’t remember right now

I love dark colours, the forest after the effects of rain, the smell of books and snuffed-out candles, Midnight comfort, soft lights and picture-covered walls, melancholic emotions and soulful music, the feeling of having achieved something, laying down and listening to my heartbeats, my best friend’s fingers playing with my hair, deep talks

I feel like an old, tired but also knowledge-thirsty soul in a world that values results over the pure enjoyment of the present moment (who am i to talk, i’m literally the biggest overthinker-)

Anyway, i’m tired, silly, have a lot to say, get morally outraged way too easily and dream bigger than what’s healthy (according to professionals, aka everyone)

DREAM BIG FOLKS, don’t let this mess of a world steal this private and sickeningly beautiful part of yourselves

Anyhoooo i adore anyone who’s reading this, don’t shy away from saying hi!!! Promise i don’t bite (well-)

[dnpanimationstudioclone]

Chris Bradford Backstory-Top Dog

It’s a bummer we never got Chris’ backstory. We saw Xever’s and a lot of the other Foot’s but sadly nothing on him. I always wondered who he used to be before becoming the famous Martial Arts star to loyal ninja warrior mutant for the Foot and Shredder. What if he wasn’t always the Top Dog?

What if the episode about Chris wanting his humanity back was expanded, along with Xever and when presented with a chance to become human again like getting a certain ingredient or formula where only one can use it to turn back to human, they fight over who should get the chance.

Xever-It’s all your fault we’re freaks to begin with! You’re the reason I’m stuck in all this! Chris-I’m sorry, was I the one who made you steal from Master Shredder and got you thrown into prison to be bailed out into working for the Foot!? Cause I’m pretty sure you stuck yourself in that corner! Not me!

Xever-My life was already hard as it was but you practically go out of your way to make it worse and enjoy doing so! For crying out loud I lost my own legs!

Chris-Hey you got new ones! And they can crush stuff way better and you love crushing things! Usually other people’s legs! Xever-Ugh, I don’t even know why I’m trying to get you to understand my situation, you’d never understand what having it hard is like at all!

Chris-Excuse me?

Xever-Oh don’t act dumb, you don’t need to for that! People like you have had everything handed to them their whole lives! You didn’t have to work to get where you are, from being some pretty rich boy to some rich martial arts movie star and now to Shredder’s lap dog! You’ve made it very clear that all you’ll ever see me as is just some lowly bottom-feeder so can’t you at least let me be human-

Chris-SHUT UP! YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!

Xever stunned by his reaction.

Chris-You seriously think that I just didn’t have to earn my place into the Foot, to once have earned HIS respect!? You think just a bunch of money and fame got me into here!? In fact it’s the other way around. It’s because of the Foot, I ever became somebody that mattered…flashback

Way back, I grew up as a foster kid, going from new home to home but always end up being returned back. I felt like some weak little runt in the pound, a total underdog. The kind where all the bigger kids would pick on, the kind where teachers thought I was too stupid to be taught anything and as I got older it got worse. Pretty soon, nobody wanted me. The only thing that brought me some comfort where all those cool Martial Art films and shows. The heroes looked so cool fighting all those bad guys and getting through any kind of obstacle and everyone else thought so too. I wanted to be just like that! To be the seen the way everyone else saw them, to be respected, to be adored…to be loved. And I thought it would only ever be just some silly dream until…I met him. Xever-Shredder?

Chris- At that time, he was looking for new potential recruits and I got lucky enough for him to check for fosters like me who were starting to get too old for most to consider fostering. He was the first person who ever looked at me and not just pass by me like everyone else would, like he saw something in me that no one, including me could see at the time, I felt…hopeful. So when he asked if I was open to become one of his new students, I took the offer and never looked back. I did everything I could to show Shredder he wouldn’t regret giving me a shot! I endured everything he put me through, sometimes I wonder how I even survived but I did! And I used what he taught me to finally show the rest of the world what Chris Bradford could do and become the same kind of hero I watched on tv, some other little kid like me could look up to! I was finally the top dog!

Xever-Wow. Guess you really did earn your place at the top.

Chris-I did, but now? I’m a giant hideous mutant dog man, I’m constantly beaten by teenage turtle mutants and worst of all Shredder’s pretty much lost all care for me and it’s only a matter of time Karai kicks me to the curb to be just a nobody again! And to top it all off, I’m forced to work with some guy, 10 years younger than me who got where I had to go through so much more to be, by attempting to steal from my Master! Being Chris Bradford’s all I really have left at this point and I know that windows closing soon enough, in show business! YOU know how to survive on your own without needing conditional love. I don’t!…I can’t💔

Xever-…

What do u think? I’d love to know💖

[2-the-moon-and-2-saturn]

“your hand is the only part of you with only minor injuries and the doctor [healer, whatever] is right there and will get mad at me if I move you”

There's your prompt for SC, please. You may spread your love forever now. ☺️

okay so i may have taken some creative liberties + merged this with another prompt i've had sitting in my asks... (also on ao3)

-

“No snuggling,” Alex calls out, without taking her eyes off of the strip of fiberglass she’s been working on. 

Kara groans, dropping back onto her chair. She assumed she was out of her sister’s field of vision. “Remind me what rules we agreed on before I let you in here,” the oldest Danvers demands, in an insufferably righteous tone.

“Don’t distract the patient,” a terribly bored Kara recites. 

“And?”

“Don’t bug you.”

“Exactly. And by constantly trying to invade Lena’s bed and possibly disrupting this entire process, you’re doing both,” the doctor announces while placing the strip onto her patient’s broken leg. She looks up at the overly dramatic Kryptonian who’s been acting like her girlfriend is in need of emergency surgery ever since they arrived. “So I urge you to please, for the love of all that is keeping me from smacking you in the head right now, stop.”

“If you smacked me in the head, I wouldn’t be the one to suffer the consequences,” Kara grumbles under her breath.

Like any self-respecting Director of a secret government organization that fights evil every day would, Alex throws a roll of gauze at her sister.

“Rule number three: don’t be a smart ass.”

“You two are children,” Lena chuckles weakly before turning to face the younger Danvers. “Darling, I’m fine. It was a silly accident, and I’ve dealt with much greater medical misfortunes in this lifetime.” She turns to the redhead, “Alex, thank you for your aid; I’m sure there are much more pressing matters you could be tending to at this moment.”

“You’re having your leg immobilized,” the blonde balks in disagreement, the same time as Alex mumbles something about family coming first without taking her eyes off of her work. 

It’s been nearly a decade since meeting Kara and her abnormally tight-knit group of friends, yet Lena still isn’t sure what to do with that word, so she focuses on replying to her Earth’s Champion without seeming too affected by the warmth that’s taken place in her cheeks. 

“Which is a perfectly common occurrence among those of us who haven’t been granted invulnerability by the radiation of a young star.” Lena extends the arm that didn’t suffer a wrist sprain towards Kara, who, upon taking it, finally aquiesces and sits back down – bright blue eyes watching her with such care, Lena maybe wants to cry a little. She keeps talking instead. “If anything, my ego suffered the worst of it. I can’t believe we’re spending our Sunday in the Med Bay over something as silly as a bit of Halloween preparation gone wrong.”

Truth be told, it is nearly funny how, over months of fighting numerous enemies, the most dangerous battle Lena’s taken part in featured her sense of balance, and a ladder. With Halloween fast approaching, Kara’s excitement has been growing exponentially, and for weeks, she’s watched TikToks of “decor inspo”, then proceeding to eagerly present her favorite ones to Lena – nevermind that they live in an apartment most people can’t even see. 

Of course, Lena relented (happily agreed, more like, because most things that put a smile on her beloved’s face also put a smile on her own). And next thing she knew, she was hanging up purple and orange fairy lights while Kara took a shower break – while performing quite the Taylor Swift concert, by the way. The rest, as they say, is an embarrassing flavor of history.

“Hey,” Lena’s hand is delicately cradled by both of Kara’s; maneuvered until her palm is exposed. Soft lips meet her skin in a gentle kiss, and she looks up at ocean eyes once more. “Any Sunday with you is a nice Sunday.”

The clattering of metal prevents the youngest Luthor from finding a suitable response to blabber out.

“And, thankfully, I’m done,” Alex announces before making a beeline for the door.

Kara giggles, “She’s so extra.” 

Lena’s flawless eyebrow arches in response, “Nia’s been teaching you new slang?”

 “Yeah!” The blonde grins, “I’m cool now.” For all her qualities, Lena isn’t sure her girlfriend has a ‘cool’ bone in her body (which, to her, is perfect- he never fit in with the cool kids).“You’ve always been cool to me, darling”

“And you’re beautiful,” is delivered with butterfly kisses to Lena’s fingertips, which reverberates in her stomach, “and smart, and incredible; and you really don’t have to beat yourself up over this.”

“I- I’m not-”

“You are, a little,” Kara tilts her head as if in question, and Lena gives a minute nod. There’s no reason to lie – it’s no wonder the youngest Luthor has a few problems with failure and making a mess. “And that’s okay. I love you all the more for your less-than-accurate calculations.”

“So you’re saying I made a mistake, are you, now?” The corner of her mouth ticks up in a challenging smirk, and Kara can’t help but be pulled in a little. 

“Mhmm. I think so,” she answers confidently, if a little dazed by the forests that Lena’s eyes hold, then plants a kiss onto the tip of her nose. “Come on, scooch over; I want to be closer to you.”

Already having been leaning into Lena’s space, Kara plasters herself onto the side opposite Lena’s injuries, an arm over her midriff, hands still intertwined. She barely settles her head next to Lena’s when the intercom nearly jolts her onto the floor. 

“I SAID NO SNUGGLING!”

The blonde sticks a tongue out to the security camera, then nuzzles deeper into Lena.

“You’re not the boss of me, I can do what I want,” she declares, then proceeds to fry the devices with just a tad of heat vision.

And- yeah, maybe letting Kara, in all her clumsy glory, near Lena’s drying cast is not a great idea. But, to be honest, the cocoon she finds herself in is far too warm, and far too cozy, for her to be making safe decisions. 

-

thank you very much for the prompt and a special thanks to @autisticlenaluthor and @apple-knees for proof and beta-reading as well as brainstorming with me <3

[moonjxsung]

Thank you. Grab a cup of tea, this is so silly but I just need to tell someone, and I don't want to worry my friends. I've been... I'm not sure if bullied is the right term, but some people at work have been pretty mean to me these past months. It got really bad a few weeks ago, bad enough that I broke down and cried with my boss because it's just insidious enough that you can't act right away, it's small things, like lying about my schedule to make me look bad, tell me lies so I look stupid in presentations in front of people (I'll definitely exorcise all of this in a fic one day). My boss kept telling me he thought it was just honest mistakes from them, but he would talk to them and I think it worked to an extend. Except today was the Christmas party (God I sound like a bad Netflix movie). I helped them. We had to be dressed up in silly costumes so I did it. And was basically excluded from the whole thing. A few people from other services came to tell me they felt a little bad for me. And while I don't really care (this is just stupid work stuff) it's just so mean spirited it's getting to me tonight. They did the same thing to another guy (one of my friends) months ago. And tonight while it was happening I was thinking "oh yeah. it's my turn now". It makes me sad because now everyone just know something is wrong. Everyone want to ask me if I'm okay. And I want to pretend I am, because again, this is silly, but at the same time I want to be honest. It hurts being excluded. It sucks knowing this is just because these people don't like me "because I'm too nice, boring and don't fit in" (their words). I don't celebrate Christmas with my family anymore so this was the only time I could pretend to be normal and well. Now if I say something I'm the bad guy who's blowing this out of proportion. So I'll keep smiling and telling people I'm okay with this. But it sucks. Oh, and I ranted enough so I'll stop here but they did the same for my birthday. Told me they organized a party for me and long story short, there was no party when I showed up. I'm sad. That's it. I'm just sad.

Bestie your coworkers sound like awful people first of all. SECOND I am SO sorry you’re going through this ☹️🫶 aren’t work politics just the fucking worst?? In early college I worked at a clothing store and the people there just did NOT fw me in the slightest and there was one girl in particular who would constantly make jokes about how she was annoyed when we got scheduled together or when I would ask for help on things I didn’t know how to do. I think I left crying nearly every single day that I worked there, but it was just also this feeling of WHYYY are you treating me like this? Like what on earth do you gain by being a shitty person to a colleague??

I’m sorry they excluded you from the Christmas party, that’s supposed to be a fun time and it’s so insidious to gang up on you like that. I would’ve cried to my boss too! But I think what you’re doing right now is the best thing you can do- persist and smile through it. Don’t give them the reaction they want, at least not in front of them. Your personality will get you just about anywhere these days, and the more you can build on your strength of putting up with shitty people, the more you can use that skill to get you even further than they are in life. They’ll just be stuck being miserable pieces of shit who find joy in bullying others (yes that’s literally bullying) and YOU will be the bigger person who learned how to live through it and tell the tale. Keep your head up, these people aren’t worth a second of your spare thoughts or your tears!!! And if you’re ever around them and they’re being pieces of shit you can always message me on here and we will talk shit about them in real time. OKAY? Okay. I love u. And you deserve better!! Rooting for you always and I have your back even if it’s through a little phone screen. Fuck them fr 🚮

Sending you all my love!!!!!! 🫶🫶🫶☹️💓❤️❤️❤️

[boytickler35]

Jedi Fallen Order: Ticklish Padawan

  Cal groans as he leans against the huge tree trunk. He puts the electro-binoculars up to his face and looks down at the imperial outpost below. Nothing’s happened for hours and despite constantly reminding himself that a Jedi is patient, he’s beginning to get restless and maybe a little bored. One of Saw Gerrera’s people suggested checking out this place, intel apparently said they had a lot of recent wookie warrior captives and it may give a lead to Tarfful’s whereabouts. 

He’s starting to doubt that intel now because so far this outpost seems to exist only to harvest the apparently extremely explosive sap. At the very least that’s the only thing he’s seen them do and it’s mind numbing. Playing with something so explosive should at least be more interesting than it is.

Apparently BD agrees because for the past few hours the little droid has paced the branch. For a while he was challenging some alarmingly large beetles. That at least was kind of funny to watch but then the droid moved on to stepping on as many leaves as it could find, apparently the crunch was satisfying. It was less amusing but only because the droid looked at him after each one with a certain smugness that was vaguely annoying.

He’s been half meditating and half day dreaming for a while now, checking once in a while but he’s been distracted. He’s pulled too by something nudges against the bottom of his foot. He flinches and pulls it away but when the same thing happens to the other, he looks down and sees BD1 nudging his foot and a grin, not related to the tickling breaks out on it.

    "Cut it out Buddy."

    The little droid buzzes, beeps, and whirls at him, concerned at his reaction apparently and he chuckles. "No problems, I'm working as intended, I promise."

    More beeps and he laughs again. "It’s some weird thing we fleshy guys have. It's called being ticklish."

    Another series of beeps and he replies, "No, it's just something silly we do."

    More noises and he says, "It's sort of like...think of it like when you got into Greez's repair kit and got shocked by one of his electro welders. Remember you told me it got your circuits feeling fuzzy? It's like that, we feel all fuzzy on that place."

    BD1's reply leads him to think a moment before saying, "I mean...our feet, sides, underarms, it depends on the person."

    An excited trill from the droid presents him with a choice, he’s bored, extremely, but is he this bored? Maybe, he could very well have grown out of it. "I don't know buddy...it's been a long time, I'm not really suRE! Hey cut it ouHouT."

Apparently not willing to take a wishy-washy answer the droid helped himself, bumping his body up against the Jedi's socked foot, with or without permission.

    Cal pulls his leg back but that just leads to the little droid targeting the other and nuzzling up against it in a surprisingly tickly way.

    "BDhEhEhEHe! STAhAp!" The little droid manages to keep up his persistent attack and the young Jedi finds himself surprised by the tenacity of his partner.

    It isn't until he grabs the droid with both hands and lifts him up that he manages to stop the droid who warbles at him in confusion.

    "Laughter doesn't mean I'm enjoying it." His voice is very dry, like Master Taro's before coffee.

    A few curious beeps from the droid and Cal sighs, “Is it really that fascinating to you?” He can’t understand it but then again, droids are often interested in weird things.

    Another series of warbles and beeps and Cal replies teasingly, “I dunno BD, I might be pretty ticklish, I don’t know if I want you playing around.”

    Apparently not understanding the teasing BD makes a sad trilling sound and hangs its head and Cal sighs, “Relax buddy, I was kidding. Here.” Setting the little droid down and then pulling off his socks. He hesitates for a moment and it occurs to him that he’s seventeen and probably should feel a little more embarrassed about this.

    He balls the socks up and shoves them in his boot. The whole time the little droid watches him in curious silence. When he extends his legs, face as red as his hair he mumbles. "Go on and have your fun."

    The droid looks at his feet and then back at him and then lets out an excited warble and hops over to them, Cal thinks he hears the droid purring, and then nuzzles up against them.

He's not sure when he became so sensitive, if it's a by-product of reconnecting with the Force or if he's always been this bad, and that's so much more embarrassing to think about lie that, but whatever the cause, the smooth, metallic body, cool against his warm feet, is extremely effective.

So much so that he nearly kicks the droid and sends him off the tree...which would be bad, very bad since without BD1 he can't find what Master Cordova is trying to lead him too.

Usually he'd say he'd miss the droid but right ow BD1 seems intent on making him not feel that.

Now he's just worried about damaging the little machine but rather than stop, the droid manages to step it up, finding a way to tickle even more by sticking out his hacky spinny droid part which he uses to poke at Cal's feet, getting more laughter.

    To add insult to injury the droid beeps a few times and when his tickled brain pieces the droid speech together he blushes deeper and laughs out, "TWhehArP!IhEHECAhaheNStheheHEillCrhAhAshYohohU!"

    It's an empty threat but one he makes anyway and the smugness of the droids next chatter makes him not not feel bad for it but he's too busy laughing and also making sure he doesn't move too far from the center of the branch he's perched on.

Apparently though, besides having a surprisingly sassy program built up somewhere, BD is also pretty creative because Cal suddenly feels a very tickly shock shoot though his foot and a glance through his tears confirms the little pest is actually shocking his foot with what he can only assume is a very low voltage and it serves to not only tickle him itself, but also senstizes his feet which they really don't need.

    Of course that just pleases the little droid all the more and he continues his assault. Cal bites his lips but the shocks leave his feet feeling tingly which means that the pokes and prods mess with him even more.

    It's then that the little droid gets a new, and for Cal, terrible idea and bends it's little head to use the antennas sticking off the top of his head. Alone they don't tickle as much but both of them trace over his soles at the same time messes with him.

Worse, BD takes the creativity to a new level and mixes nuzzling with bumping his head, either inadvertently or purposely mixing up the sensations between the antennas dragging across his soles and poking them.

    He very nearly kicks the droid off the branch again and one of the thin antennas accidentally slips between two of his toes. He has to clap a hand over his mouth to keep the laughter in. Once again the little droid proves he's much too clever for his own good, or more importantly Cal's, because after that, the droid abandons using his antennas and switches back to his original tool of Cal's voluntary humiliation.

However rather than just random pokes, the droid seems to have learned and goes right for his toes, or in this case between them and Cal nearly faints from how much is tickles and how much he can't laugh. It borders on agonizing and he ends up pulling his feet back, carefully sheltering them from the adamant little machine which he scoops up, earning him some disappointed trilling.

    "Shh BD, you're going to give us away if you keep up."

    A cheeky trill comes back to him. Cal rolls his eyes and nudges him. "Yea, yea, I'm going to give us away."

    Another warble, more questioning this time and Cal's face flushes dark red. "Haven't you learned enough?"

    The reply makes him even redder. "Fine, we'll, we'll see about it when we get back."

The whistle is definitely smug as he sets the droid down to pull on his socks and boots. He reaches over to give his partner a nudge and replies, "You're lucky your cute ya know that?"

Another smug reply has him rolling his eyes. "Sure, sure. Just hope at the next workbench I don't decide to get some payback."

[diamondwind99]

Soooooo... the new video! Definitely wasn't what I was expecting and I love it! I've missed hearing that little theme song!

I've got to hand it to the team, even though it was an ad it was really cool to see the ad presented as a mini Sanders Sides video, especially considering how much we've all been missing it.

So here's a bunch of other things I thought was pretty awesome.

The premise! It's funny, I've had conversations with some other friends of mine about this exact same thing. We've obviously come to the conclusion that we are never throwing away our beloved plushies. I actually just got another one recently :)

I'm loving the new camera angles. It's so interesting and fun, and it's great seeing Thomas exploring some new ideas! Seeing the sides in different environments opens up all sorts of opportunities.

Patton kicking in the door. Patton, you are amazing and I love you. Underrated side imo. I just wanna say he's imperfect and I love him. Thomas's startled "yes sir" was hilarious.

"Mr. Feelings is my father, call me Patton" "Watch it and get wrecked" "powerpoint scares me" I just love Patton okay

Patton bringing in the science and impressing Logan?? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

TLDR Patton you're adorable and ily

I screamed so loudly when Virgil came in. I've missed that emo so much. His part was so wonderfully spooky and perfect.

"pre-voodoo voodoo dolls" "[I'm not entirely sure what he said there] m***erf***ker!"

Virgil canonically loves dogs. Stuffed spider is canon too.

Excuse me a moment while I scream because MY PRINCE HAS ARRIVED!! I missed Roman so much, omg

Plushie Roman and Classic Roman. I love that. And Roman I love your use of 4th wall breaking :)

"You're too kind, classic Roman!" ...Okay, was it just me or did I hear Remus there?

The quiz no's bit. It just speaks for itself, I don't need to say anything.

"Well f**k." Roman my darling you are a mood. (Thomas did say it was a good effort! :D)

...Is that Pokemon music? I dunno where it's from but I definitely recognize it.

"A trusted aide who will never leave your side, who will always agree with you, who will never sass back or betray you in any way!" Oh Roman... he's clearly still thinking about Janus and everything that led up to POF. He's still very much hurting. I hope that part of the finale will handle some of that. Roman really needs to work through it.

"Loneliness?! Who said anything about loneliness?!?" I wonder if both Logan and Roman are feeling lonely. Logan because he's not being listened to and constantly having his voice shoved to the side. Roman because he feels like the other sides don't value his input and constantly change the rules on him, when all he wants is to make Thomas happy. Come to think of it, Logan and Roman are both feeling sidelined (ha) for somewhat similar reasons - they're not being listened to.

Yeah Logan, I'm surprised they all managed to work together too.

Heck yes Logan. Contribute to these facts. I fricking love Logan. So much.

"Hey Logan could I get you to say 'I'm agreeing with you again?'" Awww yeah Ro, you did it, you impressed Logan :)

When Roman's nickname falls flat Virgil is just like "don't worry bud, you'll get 'em next time" and I think my entire existence just melted on the spot. Called Roman bud. Was encouraging. These two have come so far and I love them both so much and did I mention I melted on the spot.

"Sometimes passion makes you act a little silly" Hmmm yeah that's something to think about, Logan :)

Logan's disbelieving face at the end there lol. I love you Logan. So much.

And now, and entirely separate section dedicated to the Sides' ROOMS!!!! :D

Patton: I saw lots of cats and lots of stuffed animals, and his color scheme, and seeing Virgil's card from Season 1 up there was just adorable. Also some photos and a second cookie. Nothing unexpected, but seeing Patton without his glasses was a bit odd, lol.

Roman: Roman's color scheme throughout as well. I also saw some scented candles, a book that I couldn't tell what it was, and some Roman figurines, and of course Roman's sword at the ready next to him. The mask was an amazing touch. I loved the poster from Up that says "adventure is out there!" The corkboard has some interesting tidbits, such as photos from past Sides' photoshoots and a picture of Leslie Odom Jr. I absolutely LOVE that there are sparkly floaty clouds and stuff flying around, so one of my headcanons is now CANON!! What I specifically want to point out is what was on the three sticky notes. "You got this, pal!" - It's so wholesome but a bit sad. He so clearly needs encouragement. "WWLOJD" - This took me a bit to figure out. At first I thought it was a hint towards the title of an upcoming video, but then I realized it says "What would Leslie Odom Jr Do?" and I think that is awesome. I think Roman has a hero :) Oh, and of course we can't forget the Remus cameo. I saw that, stinker. Roman's gonna come after you for that one. I hope we get some sibling shenanigans soon :) Also, Roman is wearing his Beast onesie. He's. Just. So. Adorable.

Virgil: Green Day American Idiot shirt. Epicness. "# of Days Since Last Total Disaster: 5" Virgil I freaking love you. Some nice purple color scheme, what looks like a lyric video in the back there. Not sure what book that adorable stuffed spider is on. Also saw a white noise machine. Really nice touches in there :)

Logan: Okay, seeing Logan without his glasses felt kinda weird lol. I'm so used to the glasses. But the fact that he has all of the plushies there... that is just the sweetest. I also saw an empty Crofter's jar, a Rubik's cube, his notebook, and extra flashcards. I also saw that he kept Roman's Sherlock fanfiction that he wrote for Logan. I melted.

Anyway, that's everything I saw! If you made it this far, thanks so much. I really appreciate it if you stuck with my ramblings this long. I don't often write episode reviews of analyses, but the ones I do wrote I can get pretty long-winded lol. I just love the Sides so much. See you guys when the next episode comes :)

I'm just wondering... where's Janus? dun dun duuuuun

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 1/31/23

month started on a sunday, ended on a tuesday, very satisfying

listening

Toxic Las Vegas (Jamieson Shaw Remix). this has been on my "silly little walk for my silly little mental health" playlist for three weeks so it's time for its place in the tuesdaypost. part of the appeal is that it's two songs i already like but this remix does something where i go "whoa is that the james bond chord" every time even though it is NOT.

-

reading

Bullet Train, a black humor thriller set on a train full of asssassins by Kōtarō Isaka. i have been having... mmmmmmmm. a time. let us say. and i have been clinging to things that i have lost my mind about (mostly cowboys) in order to get through the agonies. so it is weird, now that i am branching out a bit more bc things are on a slightly different tack, to be like "yeah i liked this a normal amount and i agree with the 3.8 goodreads average. i will not remember this in three months." npr said basically: fun little genre piece with no real depth! i don't completely agree with this, bc the book is not action-scene focused! the very few fights are short, blunt, quick affairs. there's a lot of focus on personal ethics and legacies, and a great deal of terror derived from random chance. but yeah it's not really a literary novel.

this was a fast, fun read. a rare example where i liked the adaptation (the recent movie which is a VERY loose adaptation) much more than the original work.

i try not to be picky about sentence structure or work choice in a translated work, bc translation is a tricky business at best, but there were some funky choices here and there that did throw me out of my groove. it's written in present tense, which is fine, but i cannot remember the last time i read a professionally published non-romance book written in present tense. i described the movies as "really wants you to know it took AP English", and the book is similar in an interesting way-- book!tangerine is constantly quoting English literary-canon novels.

the book (and movie) have a very dry sense of humor that clicked with me. "it's not clear why the man is naming fruits". at LEAST two sensible chuckles.

the biggest book/movie divergence is with the character of the Prince: a fourteen-year-old serial killer, who we spend a great deal of the book with, who asks nearly every grownup on this train "why is it bad to kill people?". a rare book in which i actively wanted a child to die. i think this character is much improved in the movie, since the character is both aged up (a young teen boy in the book, an older teen girl in the movie), and given clearer ties to the rest of the cast. however, this adaptational choice does lose almost all of the terror of the random chance the book makes you sit with. in the movie, the prince has a motive. in the book, that kid just ain't right.

had a fun time but not enough of a fun time that i will be seeking out the other novels in the series on purpose. perhaps if i come across physical copies cheap it will ping my memory and i'll grab them, which is how i acquire a lot of my physical books. this feels like im damning with faint phrase, but i did have a fun time reading this! it's just that my brain is a sieve and lately anything that doesn't completely possess me is immediately forgotten.

-

watching

fallow week bc i have been #gaming. i need to literally put on my to-do list "rewatch The Big Sleep for febslash feb research" maybe that'll get me to actually do it. im going to take this opportunity to complain about how much fucking work it is to write smut. not even the technical stuff bc i do like to write smut that's threesomes where everyone is the same gender and has the same color hair. the hard part is going "okay what's sexy" and then like storyboarding out the sequence of events to make sure everyone's having fun and it CONSISTENTLY stays sexy the whole time. i have never had irl sex with a narrative throughline. difficult difficult lemon difficult

-

playing

still running around in wolfenstein: the new order making this big beefy boy do jumps and slides. went to the moon. came back from the moon. hit a very fun bug as i try to fight my way out of the london nautica where i crash landed, bc i died, the level spat me out at the last checkpoint, and there were no health or ammo or armor pickups anywhere. just what i could scavenge off the fallen. very unpleasant to fight through a room with 20 health but i did do one whole room before realizing this was a bug. i would not like to play the entire game like this. very stressful. the big boss at the end of the level was also extremely stressful.

but let's talk about the moon, the moon in the fucking sky. how was the moon? was the moon fun? no it was full of nazis. it was also jammed full of sixties computer banks tho. many instruments and dials as well.

as i write this on sunday night i am going to attempt Again to finish the second to last chapter in this game. i am So Close to finishing this game in under 20 hours [ed note, monday night: lmao still have not finished this game]. look at some more computer banks there aren't enough pictures to break up this post.

not sure if this is a side effect of the next-location action movie disease, but wolfenstein is very interested in how areas link together. lots of temporary facilities that have grown ad-hoc roots, lots of trains planes and automobiles. we drive a lot of trucks. we’re in helicopters and subs and moon rockets. we blow up a bridge and scramble through several trains, blowing one of them up. we fuck on a train also can't forget that cutscene. we live in the sewers. we scuttle around in vents. we are in some very far-flung locations but they all look the fucking same bc they are encased in brutalist concrete. i'm sure this is bc it's fun to have a gun battle on a train and on the fucking moon and bc like u only have so many guys actually modelling things for your levels.

this is a very half-baked observation bc i think i am beginning to get a migraine (as i finish writng this on monday night) but let's get this out of the way first: all buildings are political. something something things invented and built for war never actually go away, something something transportation infrastructure to ease conquest continues to keep the colonies within easy reach of the imperial core, wartime infrastructure like highways and bridges as a tool of empire, fascism is a constant state of war which in this game is partly represented by constant shooting and also constant building. something something the unsustainability of not only constant building things but constant growth. something something long linked history of fascist architects who love brutalism. this video game has great visual design and visual shorthands is what im trying to get at. i think.

the london nautica museum/labs/spaceport is a big gun. this is not a subtle game.

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making

here's a peek behind the curtain: i talk about cooking when i don't have anything else to report on. but i genuinely did not have anything else going on this weekend bc this took all my fucking literal and metaphorical spoons. this represents like three weeks worth of soup lunch (the red lentil previously discussed on this series) plus two quiches.

why so many quiches lately? i bought two dozen eggs before christmas and thought i would do more baking than i did, which was zero. tried this dal palak recipe, majorly fucked up the proportions of the spinach bc i cannot read the back of a package, and by the time i corrected my mistake i had a fuck of a lot of the spinach/onion/spices. unfortunately i fucking hate the texture of rice plus lentils plus this mixture all together, but felt bad about wasting so much food, so the lentils went into the soup (which i needed to make more of anyway) the spinach mixture went into some quiche (bc i needed to use up those eggs anyway) and uhhh idk what will happen with the rice yet. maybe fried rice to finish off the last three eggs in the carton. this entire debacle used all my spoons for the weekend.

there's also a pork shoulder defrosting (and after that marinating[from last summer's Father's Day Meat Sale i also wish i was making this up]) but that's not very photogenic. i desperately need freezer space and it's been a fucking minute since i had some meat.