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#was gonna bullet point this but as you can see i ended up not doing that
pochapal · 1 year
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tomorrow i will have been reading umineko for one whole year
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Hey! I just read the hybrid AU hc's you wrote and I came up whit something...
What if IK does end up being taken by the angels to the Celestial realm? I honestly think at first she'd try to fit in but ultimately get sad that she's away from the devildom and the brothers. I keep thinking that she'd do anything to get kicked out and fall from the Celestial Realm just so she can be whit the brothers.
Could you maybe write some hcs of the brothers not only seeing her fall down from the sky through a window but also reacting to he being half demon now? (Only if you want!!)
I honestly think the brothers would get Vietnam flashbacks
actually, i reckon ik would skip the fitting in steps and immediately go for angelic delinquency - there's no way the celestial realm got her into custody without a fight, and in the first place she does NOT want to be here - she wants to be at home with her demon family
presumably the celestial realm got what they wanted by putting simeon and/or luke on the spot, either by threatening one of the others' safety or just by making a bunch of empty promises and assuring them that this is all ultimately better for ik's wellbeing... though luke'd more likely be convinced by the latter than simeon
the brothers are probably furious about all this, but diavolo can't let them charge up there to bring ik home themselves because 1. the celestial realm technically does have a genuine claim to ik's care, and 2. they can't risk starting another war. lucifer, while deeply unhappy about the situation, has to agree for the sake of peace and everyone else's safety
solomon spends a lot of time trying to negotiate, since ik's still half human and has been raised human her whole life. but the celestial realm's gotten suspiciously cagey about ik's whereabouts - so he insists on seeing her every time he visits, and every time she's gotten quieter
luke doesn't quite understand it at first - the celestial realm's so beautiful, and there's so many fun things to do! eventually though, he, like simeon, becomes fully (and painfully) aware that ik's miserable up here. also, is it just him, or is the high council being really shady about 'settling her in'?
an angel-human hybrid's existence is dangerous, especially one as friendly with demons as ik, so it'd be easier for the celestial realm (both in terms of politics, and the ongoing loyalty of the angels) if she was obedient. ik's having none of it though
it starts with talking back to the seraphs, then sneaking out and causing a ruckus when they're not looking. this escalates into mild vandalism, then straight up destruction of property (throwing things through windows, etc)
at first the seraphs just take it into stride, because it'd make it harder to make ik cooperate if they punished her, but it starts getting out of hand - a lot of valuable and very old things end up destroyed, and the other angels are starting to object to having her here in the first place
exile would be a last resort, because it's the last thing the council wants in this situation. potentially, ik goes to simeon and raphael conspire to make it happen - neither are particularly willing, but it's just about the only plan they have for letting ik go home
(the seraphs did say that ik would be allowed to come down to the devildom, but won't allow it until ik behaves and promises to stay that way - which she has no intention of doing)
the demons aren't informed about this because they'd almost certainly object - though diavolo has his suspicions, and he warns simeon against it, having seen first-hand what the fall did to the brothers. unfortunately, simeon chooses to listen to ik instead
maybe simeon sets fire to the grand palace, or raphael attacks an angel - in either situation, ik admits to the crime, and somehow they make it happen! down she goes!
barbatos sees something falling down and his heart drops like a fucking ROCK. he knew diavolo was suspicious, but he never thought ik would actually go through with it... but he supposes that kid's always been too reckless for her own good
he does attempt to somehow issue a warning to prevent the brothers from seeing this, but unfortunately they're all at the castle already (to discuss ik's situation, actually, which is ironic) and realise what's going on soon afterwards. asmo just starts screaming and he can't stop for a while
the fall is almost definitely too aggressive for this - it's like a meteor falling - but the winged demons still fly up to try and soften the impact, even though they all get pretty singed in the process. ik's not too badly wounded, though the same can't be said of her mental state
the brothers aren't sure whether to be happy she's at least back or to be SO pissed this even happened in the first place. out of all of them, lucifer probably has the worst reaction to it; he's feeling a molotov cocktail of grief and fury, and he's only just barely keeping it under control
belphie is so fucking angry that he thinks he finally knows what it must be like to be avatar of wrath, but then he sees satan's face and realises that even now, he has no idea how deep that rage runs. they both agree that their energy is much better expended on helping ik recover, though, so there's not much they can do about it
i guess in some ways, the brothers are happier with ik being half-demon than half-angel, and they're definitely glad that she's home, but... man. why do all the worst things keep happening to this poor kid?
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moonlight-prose · 2 months
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RIGHT WHERE YOU LEFT ME
➛ 01. IN DREAMS WE REST
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a/n: i've been stressed about this fic probably more than any other i've ever written. not because it's logan per se, but because wade wilson makes me want to rip my hair out. i love that bastard, but writing him feels like pulling teeth. i'm in love with this concept solely for the angst, so if you see more throughout and wonder if they will ever get a happy ending, please know i'm dead inside. enjoy!
summary: stuck in another universe and unsure of where he stands, logan expects things to even out as they always did. but when you cross his path and you have no idea who he is, he's in for a rude awakening.
word count: 5.9k+
pairing: logan howlett x f!reader
warnings: not explicit, wade wilson breaking the fourth wall, angst, cussing so much cussing, alcohol consumption, grief, pain, a broken man pretending he's not broken, chance encounters, awkward conversations, hope.
NEXT CHAPTER | SERIES MASTERLIST
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He can hear it when he sleeps.
Their screams.
The constant ring of agony that chimes out like a bell, an alarm he never set for himself. A joke once told to him in the midst of World War II, as bullets flew by him and soldiers lost their lives each second of each day. There's no escape from hell. No running from the devil that nipped at his heels the faster he went, the longer he tried to navigate a way free.
There's no escape from the memories that ate away in his mind. Multitudes of them, of the faces he once called family, the people he used to love. They were his punishment. The boulder he continued to roll up the hill, day after day after day. Until eventually...he was crushed by his own self-hatred.
"Logan." The voice whispered long enough for him to grasp who it might be, yet never louder than a mere breath of air.
He clung to it some days. Sunk his claws into what little of his past remained good and allowed it to fill him with some amount of peace. At least then he'd be able to bear this weight, this grief he could never quite name.
Something light brushed across his cheek. Tickling the skin enough to send a flare of irritation down his spine, but the dreams held him in their grasp. What came next never surprised him. He expected it at this point—longed for it. The distant pain of losing what once made him whole; the entirety of his life now defined by one single moment he could never change.
"He sleeps so sweetly. I just want to curl up in his arms and have him read me bedtime stories."
"He's not gonna like that when he wakes up."
"Zip it Al. If I wanted an opinion, I'd go see a Hollywood therapist."
A scoff echoed in the background. "No therapist wants you on their couch."
"Not true. I hear Ryan Reynolds has a great one."
"Who?"
"Not the point." The feather dusted across Logan's face again, soft enough to keep him asleep yet annoying enough to bring a smile to Wade's face. "I wonder if he's dreaming about killing bad guys. They say it's good for the soul."
"Who the fuck is they?"
Wade laughed. "Oh you know. Them. The readers. And boy howdy do they love their blood."
Every day he was forced to listen to Wade's voice became another day Logan dragged his claw through a tally mark of his sanity. "Do you ever shut the fuck up," he growled, gripping Wade's wrist until he heard the satisfying crack of bones.
"Only when I swallow."
"I'll tear your fuckin' arm off."
The smile on Wade’s face only added another tally. "Nice kitty. No need for the claws."
Anger washed across his skin in a familiar wave as he released Wade's arm, watching it go limp. Trying to kill the unkillable walking irritation was like trying to swat a fly that never quite died. It still buzzed incessantly. Until eventually madness was the only viable option of dealing with it. In his case, he seemed to be driving head on with no brakes.
Logan wasn't sure he possessed enough sanity left within him to keep dealing with this. Sleeping on the couch didn't help the way his body never rested; always stuck in that permanent fighting mode. He'd give anything to find some peace. A small sliver of it carved off the past that continued to call him—that begged him to come back and try again.
Swinging his legs off the couch, he planted a swift kick to Wade's chest that sent him across the floor. The lack of caffeine in his system left everything hazy and half coherent. If he focused he might have caught the keys thrown at him, but being exhausted and sober didn't make for a good combination with him. An empty whiskey bottle lay discarded on the floor from last night; the memories of how he passed out barely tinged on the edge of his mind.
He could recall stabbing Wade in the leg.
Nothing beyond that.
Dried blood—now an ugly brown—stained his white shirt. He nearly stripped himself of it, prepared to throw it in with whoever was washing next, but his flannel being chucked at his head caught him off guard.
"Fuck off," he snapped, stumbling to the kitchen.
Wade sighed, following him. "Get dressed, peanut. We have to go do human things today."
"Human–”
"Food," Al retorted. "We're out."
Even in a new universe, he couldn't see himself acting normal. For so long he did what had to in order to survive. Yet now...he wasn't so sure. Accompanying Wade Wilson in order to complete household chores left a bad taste in his mouth. But the thought of fresh coffee and an unopened bottle of whiskey sounded like sweet silver bells in his head.
With reluctance, he buttoned up half of the flannel before he became annoyed with the small size of the holes punched into the fabric. There was only so much he could do with the life he had now. And sometimes shit really sucked.
"Don't scratch my fucking car," Al pointed her words towards Wade, thankfully ignoring Logan's existence for a brief moment.
"Is it safe for her to own a car?"
The door shut behind him with a bang, echoing down the vacant hallway. He was surprised people actually lived here given Wade's antics. They could hear the loud mouthed fucker across the street—if the angry notes in the mail were anything to go by. He didn't bother asking if he should be concerned with any of it. Not when he had no say in how the house was run. And choosing to insert himself where he wasn’t needed, rarely went well for him.
"God no. But I give her the benefit of the doubt. She hasn't killed anyone. Yet."
He yanked the keys out of Wade's hand. "Yeah well I don't trust you either Bub."
The car didn't leave room for his legs as he squeezed into the driver's side. His body practically folded in half as he turned it over—the rumble of the engine rattling against metal. How Blind Al managed to pay for this vehicle went beyond even Wade's knowledge, and in all honesty…he was too fucking scared to ask.
Too much seemed to be happening for him to ever catch up. While this Earth felt similar to his, small things were different. And when they began to add up...he began to wonder if he was drowning.
"Turn left to merge onto the asscrack of traffic."
He barely heard the directions as he drove, his mind drifting the further they went. Part of him sensed the grief from earlier begin to claw up the back of his throat. It begged him to fall, to be swallowed whole by the darkness he'd been stuck in before. And he nearly gave in; could feel his body shift into its constant mode of fight or flight.
The steering wheel cracked under his white knuckled grip as Wade's voice became an afterthought to the war he fought in his mind. Terror trapped itself in his throat and he slammed his foot on the brakes a foot away from a parking spot in retaliation. The car lurched forward, his claws descended. A snarl rumbled in his chest the longer he sat there thinking.
"Woah..." For the first time in days, Wade fell silent. "You alright?"
Logan ripped himself free, shoving his body out of the car before he even threw it in park. He gulped in breath after breath and did his best to wait for this fucking feeling to leave his system. The nightmares only came as he slept. A constant familiar horror show after two centuries.
Yet now he was left like this. Leaned up against a car, his eyes closed shut, and heart racing.
All because he couldn't do his fucking job.
"Logan–"
He snapped, shoving past Wade and his pity that choked him with a vengeance. He didn't deserve anyone's pity. He didn't want it. But people couldn't help but hand it over unconsciously. As if they could see the layers of broken pieces beneath his false expression of strength. Logan never pretended to be okay. Why bother with something people could see right through?
He merely wanted others to ignore he was there. Walk past him, look through him, do whatever it took to pretend that him and all his tragedies weren't standing before them. Because one day he would die and fuck how he couldn't wait for that time to come.
A small hole in the wall dive bar sat in the corner of the shopping center. He barely caught sight of it. But the unmistakable scent of alcohol poured out the door as someone stumbled out—their eyes squeezed shut against the harsh brightness of the sun. He could understand them in a way.
His world didn't have sunlight this bright. Or perhaps he never noticed it ‘til now.
Maybe his body wasn't acclimated yet; unsure of what the fuck was still happening. Everything seemed to be turned up to eleven for him, yet no off switch existed.
The dark hazy glow of the interior sent a wave of calm through him as the door swung shut with a soft thud. Four people sat scattered around the place and a bartender with white and graying hair stood cleaning a glass so foggy it was probably better to throw it out. He found himself letting out a breath that'd been trapped in his chest since that morning. Finally some peace before he had to listen to Wade yap about bullshit he didn't in fact give a shit about.
"What'll you have?" the old man asked, his face screwing up in a wince as he limped towards Logan's spot at the end of the bar.
A quick glance down let him see the brace wrapped around the man's knee. "Whiskey on the rocks."
He nodded, slowly heading towards the center of the wall—a lonesome half empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the counter. Logan shifted, taking the center seat directly behind the man.
"I can't say I've seen you around before son."
He grinned, his finger tracing a random carving that'd been placed in the wood. "I just moved here. Living with a coworker."
"Coworker huh?"
The word didn't sound right to Logan, but he couldn't exactly call Wade his friend. Although they were more than people who fought together, more than men who shared blood during the same battle. That was the thing about Logan though. He'd never be able to put a label on something like that. To him...things weren't one or the other as much as he wanted to pretend they were. There was nuance to his life.
Complications which made living that much harder.
The man turned, surprised to see Logan so close, but didn't make note of it. Logan could see the gratitude in the way his drink was slid carefully to him. The small silent thank you in the bowl of pretzels placed beside it.
"You look lost."
Logan grunted, biting into the salty and dry snack. "Do I?"
"More than some of the others that come around here."
"And who comes around here?"
The man laughed. "No one as of late. You're the first young man I've seen in a while walk through those doors."
He bit back his laugh at the word young. The stories he could tell would leave the man baffled. About wars that no living person had witnessed. About when the world was far different than today—when mutants were freaks of nature and humans were far less forgiving. He could list it all and then some.
But whether or not someone would listen was another thing entirely.
"This place that old?" he inquired, sipping on the amber liquid with a contented sigh.
"Oh you bet." A weary laugh filled the space. "I bought this place in the sixties. When my wife was still my girlfriend. She almost left me because of it."
Logan huffed, his lips curling slightly. "She wasn't a fan?"
The man shook his head, tossing a cloth over his shoulder. "Still isn't. Well she...wasn't." He pressed his thumb to the worn gold band on his left hand. "When she was alive she used to host a book night. Helped bring in the men's wives. Kept them outta trouble."
"Book night huh?"
"She loved to read."
Before he could down the final sips of his drink it was topped off. Logan nodded his head in thanks, his thumb digging into the thumbprint shape of the glass. If he thought about it hard enough, he could almost see himself coming here every night. He pictured a life far different than his own, a past where he might have been happy. With someone who might have even made him smile.
"I'm not much of a reader," he replied, his voice hoarse and eyes fixed on the ice that floated to the surface.
"Ah me too," the man laughed. "I just liked seeing her smile."
A soft remark was on the tip of his tongue before an entirely new image began to take shape. The face of someone lost. Of a smile he'd known better than his own. Hands that once held his face with the tenderness of a lover—a voice that sent the hair rising on the back of his neck. He could see it as clear as he did the man.
You in all your beauty. Lost to a past he could no longer rectify.
He swallowed thickly, beating back every emotion that crawled under his skin. "What's your name?"
"Travis."
Raising his glass, he tipped it towards the man with a tight grin. "Logan." The alcohol went down with a quick and biting burn. A feeling he'd grown familiar with. One he counted on.
"Nice to meet you Logan."
"Yeah you too."
He dug out some cash and tossed it on the bar as he stood with a slight grunt. He may heal quickly but the ache in his bones still existed. As if something resisted against how his body moved with each slow shift.
Fighting meant he could ignore it.
Existing is what made it worse.
The sun practically burned his eyes when he stepped out, the heat of the day encompassing his whole body quicker than he would have liked. For some unknown fucking reason, summer here felt worse than on his Earth. Then again the alcohol didn't help. He stood in the shade of the building next to the bar, searching the parking lot for any sign of Wade.
Going into the store wasn't an option and as much as he wanted to leave the annoyance behind, he didn't want to feel like a piece of shit. That is...even more than he already did.
"Fuck," he hissed, leaning against the brick wall. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."
One option would be taking a walk to work off the energy that ran through his veins. At least then he'd be able to sleep at night. And the temptation almost worked. If it weren't for the shop doors that opened to his left, effectively distracting him from the chance of leaving. He could have ignored the person, probably should have given everything he'd been through.
But then his heart dropped to his stomach as you walked out. He'd never seen you in such a soft sundress before, the off white fabric draped off your curves in a way that floored him. As if you were an angel floating by without a care in the world. You were busy shoving a small piece of paper in your purse, your face furrowed in frustration, and Logan smiled. Because he'd traced each line of that face before, he'd kissed those cheeks, your eyelids as you slept.
He'd loved you in ways that would scare a normal human.
And there you were.
"Honey?" he called, unconsciously following you quicker than he intended to. "Honey."
You glanced to the side, completely unaware of the giant lumbering man trailing after you with a soft look on his face and hope in his hands.
That alone tore him in two more than the memories from before.
"Baby, it's me."
The breeze finally went through the air, pushing the skirt of your dress a bit higher on your thighs. Except that's not what he latched onto. Your scent was different. Unlike any he'd encountered before. Honey still sweetly caressed his senses, but flowers overlayed that—peonies if he guessed. Delicious enough to have his mouth watering; his body already aching for you to be closer. To look at him in the way you used to.
He wanted to call out to you—gain your attention properly—but your name wouldn't leave his tongue. Because you were there and you finally caught sight of him and you were looking at him as if nothing bad ever happened between the two of you.
You saw him as a man.
Not a disappointment.
He willed himself to stop and breathe. Take in his surroundings; realize that you weren't who he once knew. You weren't even the same fucking person.
But before he could think straight, he'd already followed you halfway to your car. His eyes were dazed, heart nearly throttling him alive as he stood there dumbly. Waiting for you to finally speak.
"Oh..." Your heart rate spiked quicker than he expected. He couldn't find it in himself to feel bad though. "Hello?"
"Honey," he sighed, the weight on his shoulders lifting ever so slightly.
He caught the way your fingers tightened around your keys, the defense mechanism an instinct by now. And Logan realized what he looked like. A strange man standing too close for your liking. So he took a step back and gave you some space. In the hopes that you wouldn't see him as a threat. That maybe...you'd listen to what he had to say.
"Can I help you?" you asked, eyes darting around the parking lot in case you needed help.
What he wouldn't give for the opportunity to reassure you. To explain that he wasn't here to hurt you. That he'd kill himself before even laying a hand on you. Yet the correct words were lost and all he seemed to get out was an incoherent babble that had him wanting to dig his own claws into his chest.
"You smell different."
You straightened your spine, eyes narrowed into a glare he felt burn across his skin. "Look, I don't know who you are. But fuck off."
Something akin to pride flared in his chest at your tone, your words. But he couldn't show it externally. How would he explain that your fight—your fire—is what drew him to you in the first place? How could he tell you about a version of yourself you'd never know? A person he thought would be with him until his last breath exhaled into the world.
"I'm not here to hurt you." He raised his hands in an attempt to prove his point, but like your variant counterpart you were willing to bite first and ask questions later.
"Yeah. Sure asshole." The shopping bag in your other hand was lifted up, until you had a tighter grip on it in case something happened. You didn't know him. You probably never would.
But Logan had to try. He owed it to you to give it all he had this time around.
Otherwise...what was the point of living?
"My name's–" He made the wrong move stepping forward and knew it the second his boot hit the gravel. With a wince, he watched you stumble back against your car, your arm coming up to protect yourself. "No. Look I'm not gonna do anything–"
"Get the fuck away from me," you spit.
He moved back as if approaching a wounded animal—his body finally on edge in a new way. The fact that you didn't know him wasn't what broke off another chunk of his heart. He could handle that. He'd been through that.
You were afraid of him.
That realization dug in too deep for his body to heal.
That...he couldn't live with.
"WOAH hey!" He'd never appreciated Wade's irritating ass more than in this moment. He jumped between the two of you, the cart of groceries forgotten as he blocked Logan from your sight. "Step away from the nice lady wolf boy." Wade regarded you with a smile. "Hi! Sorry. This is my uncle and well as you can probably tell he's lost eight of his lives. So we're going on little old nine. And well the mind just goes to shit first."
Seconds passed by like minutes and Logan watched you visibly deflate. "Wade," you greeted him, visibly calmer than before. Logan felt his stomach twist violently at the thought. "It's good to see you. How's the job?"
"Oh yup you know. Left that. But I'm really pushing through. I've got an Etsy store where I sell miniature paintings of Michael Angelo's David's penis. So there's that."
Your laughter sent a hole through his chest and Logan bit back the growl that rose up the back of his throat. What the fuck was Wade doing making friends with you? Why were you laughing at his humor?
He couldn't count how many days he'd spent longing to hear your laugh again, the shine in your eyes that always came around when joy flooded your bloodstream. He could smell the honey off your skin, the warmth of what no doubt lay beneath your thin dress. And he wanted to rip Wade to pieces knowing that he was the one making it happen. That you were comfortable with a man who's mouth ran at a mile a minute.
"Did your sister have the baby yet?"
You brightened and Logan felt his heart stutter. "She did! A boy."
"Named Wade I hope."
Another peal of laughter had Logan's claws itching to descend as you ignored he was there. "Theo actually. A cutie."
"Aww." Wade moved closer, head bent to see the small polaroid you pulled out of your wallet. "Wow, he looks like you'd find him in a Gerber's advertisement."
Your eyes drifted up, past Wade's shoulder, until you finally caught Logan's gaze. And he felt like he could breathe. Every ounce of fear was wiped from your face; interest now creeping in as you dragged your eyes down his form. Past the slight peek of chest hair and down to how his jeans hugged his hips. Logan stood taller for your benefit, as if he needed to make a good impression.
He wanted to linger in your mind for days. Until the curiosity ate you alive.
"We're gonna go," Wade announced, after grabbing your bag and placing it in your trunk for you. "Someone has to feed the blind woman in my apartment. She tends to root through everything looking for food." He gripped Logan's arm, shoving him back a good few feet. Even as your eyes still remained glued to his face. "Glad to see the Hyundai is still working. You know you could take the fattest fucking nap in the back of that puppy. Makes you feel like an Egyptian mummy."
"Bye," you said, a dazed look in your eyes as Logan smiled in your direction. At ease with the knowledge that even in a different universe, he could still fluster you with a look.
Dragging himself away from you was hell, but Wade's grip remained unbreakable as they clambered to the car. The groceries stacked in the small backseat.
He could glimpse you driving off and suddenly the nightmare from earlier was the last thing on his mind.
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Wade's back hit the wall with a crack before the door could shut properly. The groceries in their hands toppled to the floor. He barely had time to duck before Logan's claws were aiming for his head—a snarl ripping from his throat.
"What the fuck?" Wade shouted, grabbing the paper bag and gently setting it on the table. "Next time just say you need to stay home and find some joy in an empty room and your hand."
"How do you know her?"
Wade smiled, assessing the furious state of chaos Logan was now left in. The tatters of his stability falling to the floor around him. For as much as he held himself together, it certainly remained easy enough to tear him a part.
"Got an eye on someone, do we honey badger?"
Logan grimaced, running a hand down his face. "Would you just fucking tell me?"
"Let me bask in this Logan. I'm about to watch a romcom come to life and need some popcorn." He rummaged through the bag, yanking out some chips. "Salty and sweet. That'll do."
"Wade," he bit out.
"Stick with us girls, we're about to get to the good stuff."
"WADE!"
He tossed the bag to the table, eyeing the way Logan never quite settled. "I'm gonna take a guess and say we know her more than just friendly hellos."
Logan couldn't answer because his grief did it for him. He did what he could to catch his breath, to stop seeing his version of you. The disappointment on your face, the pain in your voice. You'd been so angry with him. To watch the person he loved be reduced to a screaming crying mess wasn't something he wanted to relive, but Wade's question seemed to send an avalanche toppling to the ground.
"She's..." He sucked in a breath. "On my world. I...knew her."
"Knew her? Or knew her."
He reached for the bottle of whiskey Wade threw in with the rest of the groceries and popped it open before he spoke again. "It didn't end well between us. None of it did."
Wade fell silent and Logan found himself loathing the quiet more than the sound of his voice. If he was joking Logan could ignore it. He could pretend nothing happened. That you weren't here, you couldn't be hurt by him again.
You were safe from his destructive tendencies as long as you were in another universe.
"She lives across the street." Logan's head rose and whipped to see the window that faced the building across from them. "The old uncultured shit whistles that keep complaining about WHAM! the greatest thing to happen to music. They're her neighbors. Live right next door."
"Neighbors."
Wade nodded, offering him a chip. "She found their note and angel that she is, she very sweetly threatened to get them evicted. I offered to let her borrow my katanas but was rejected like younger me on prom night. You've really got yourself a catch there buddy."
Logan didn't need Wade to tell him how fucking lucky he was. He knew that the second you walked out of that store. You were everything good in his life at one point, everything he couldn't save. There wasn't much keeping him going on his old Earth, but having you made all the suffering he went through—all the pain he endured—worth it.
If you were waiting for him at the end, he'd do it all over again.
"So you want to take a dip in that honey huh? Taste that rainbow?"
His claws would have sunk into Wade's throat if a knock hadn't sounded at the door. With a huff, he stepped into the kitchen, the bottle clutched tightly in his hand. Whoever decided to give Wade some luck was of no concern to him.
Or so he believed.
"I didn't mean to accidentally take your groceries," you laughed, handing over a overpacked paper bag.
Stuffing the bottle under the sink, he met you halfway to the living room, his eyes drinking in the sight of you still in that dress. Still delicate enough for him to rip if he tugged it right. Heat curled along the base of his spine when your eyes met his, wide and glimmering with your laughter. He felt himself crumple at the sight of your lips parting, the surprise at his size still enough to make you speechless.
"Good to see you again," he greeted you, voice low and soft.
You didn't mean to grow flustered in his presence, but something about the way his gaze devoured you within seconds left you breathless. The swooping sensation in your stomach became too much to handle. Desire and attraction weren't unknown concepts to you. But this felt like more. You could sense him right down to your bones and it scared the shit out of you.
"Oh right!" Wade scooched past you to swing an arm around Logan's shoulders. He did what he could to not stab him in the stomach. "This is Logan. My hunky new roommate."
Logan groaned. "Alright–"
"No, no it's good. You remember when I was declared basically the savior of the universe?"
Your face screwed up in confusion. Logan had never wanted to kiss someone more.
"Marvel...Jesus right?"
"I prefer MJ. Since I've got a Peter." Wade's head whipped to the side. "Suck it Tom Holland." His grip on Logan tightened. "This walking People's Sexiest Magazine helped. We're talking big claws, abs you just want to lick whipped cream off of–"
Logan's elbow slammed into Wade's stomach—crimson slowly tinting the tips of his ears. "That's enough."
"AND the Wolverine."
Surprised etched itself onto your face even further. Until you finally regarded Logan with a look he'd seen once before. Awe. When you first met one another in the halls of the mansion, you stared at him that exact way. As if you couldn't quite believe that iconic figure the X-Men made him out to be actually existed.
He couldn't tell if he liked it. Or if he'd rather you view him as a stranger.
"Logan," he said, offering his hand to you politely. Your skin remained as soft as he remembered.
Warmth bloomed in your body at the feeling of his calloused palm overwhelming yours, the scars across his knuckles old and ancient. Yet you found yourself wanting to trace them over and over, until the sight of them seared in your mind. You fought the urge to press your lips to them, etch your own mark into his skin. Something told you he wouldn’t mind.
Logan could see the intrigue on your face—the distracted gaze he wanted to keep in place. You were still curious. Still willing to learn about him. To pick him a part with soft words and even softer touches.
"Logan," you murmured under your breath, your eyes catching his. He felt his stomach leap at the sound of your voice whispering his name. Memories flooding his mind quicker than he expected. Of mornings spent in bed, your skin pressed against his. Of nights alone in his cabin—your stories lulling him to sleep.
Everything he willed himself to forget, yet could never truly let go of.
"I've got to head back." Disappointment filled your heart at the thought of not getting a chance to talk to him more. He had yet to let go of your hand and you found you liked his touch on your skin. "I'll see you soon Wade."
"Logan will be more than happy to walk you back," Wade replied, waving drastically behind your back. "Can't have you getting hurt now can we? Right peanut?"
You smiled. "I'm just across the street."
"I don't mind," Logan cut in, glaring at Wade to shut the fuck up.
"Okay," your voice was soft. Happy.
Logan would have done anything to keep it that way.
The walk back wasn't long enough for him to explain his actions from earlier, but you seemed to be just as smart as your variant self. Shutting the building's door, you turned to him—your dress fluttering in the breeze. Logan choked on his spit at the slight peek of your ass before you pushed the skirt back down around you.
"Did you know me?" You lead him to the corner, waiting for the traffic to die down. "On your Earth."
He paused, his eyebrows pulling together, and for a moment you wondered if you asked the wrong question. Wade told you bits and pieces of what happened since you last saw him, but Logan's background wasn't a discussion you tried to seek out. All you knew was that Wade acquired a new roommate. Not even a name.
Certainly not that he was Wolverine.
"Yes," Logan muttered, glancing at the change in lights.
You started to walk. "In what way?"
His hands curled into fists—echoes of his past rising to the surface. "We were...friends. You're a professor."
"A professor?" you exclaimed, a smile tugging on your lips. "Am I a mutant?"
He nodded. "You're able to bend time. Or control it." He snorted, following your lead towards your building. "I could never understand it. But Charles did."
The walk up to your apartment was silent, your thoughts filled with the new information he'd given you. And no matter how hard you tried to picture it, you couldn't see yourself as a mutant. A powerful being that held the ability to manipulate time who just so happened to be a professor. Somehow even thinking about it made you wonder why Logan was bothering to entertain this version of you. When the better one existed on his Earth.
"You said were."
Stopping at your door, he nearly knocked into you. "Hm?"
"Were friends. What happened?"
The answer he couldn't give you. The words he wouldn't even admit out loud to himself.
He felt his heart twist as if a knife slowly carved through his spleen. "We uh..." He coughed. "You..."
"I don't have to know." Grasping gently onto his arm, you offered a warm smile he felt down to his toes. A look he hadn't seen in quite some time. Logan could picture the last day you were happy in his head. Laughing with Charles in his office as you shared dinner, working on theories of your powers late into the night.
A week before they came.
"It's good to see you like this," he breathed, his hand reaching out to touch your cheek before stopping midair. "Happy."
Your eyebrows knit together. "I wasn't happy?"
"No." What he wouldn't give to take that information back, but it was out in the open, and as always—he remained too late.
"Why?" you asked, your hand sliding down to his much to his delight.
"I made you a promise." He sucked in a breath, his body begging him to start running. You'd be better off if you never knew. If you never remembered him in the first place. "I couldn't keep it."
I'll always keep you safe.
Words he refused to say again.
How could he promise this version of you that? How could he look you in the eyes and lie again? Breaking his Earth's you would haunt him for the rest of his life. He couldn't fathom doing it all over. It would kill him.
Except you weren't the person in his mind. You weren't the mutant who hated him with every fiber of your being. You were you. A continuous surprise that left his heart stuttering in his chest each time you looked his way. An enigma he found himself wanting to unravel.
"Maybe this time around you can," you said softly, letting him go with a smile as you entered your apartment, effectively opening the wound in his heart so wide there was no saving him.
Although he now knew something he didn’t know before.
He didn’t want to be saved.
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boowritess · 2 months
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notsobaddasssoldier!reader who is kinda a cunt
reader who just doesn't give a shit about the 141 rank or title.
"you think just cause your captain of some lil task force i'm gonna bend over backwards for you? be serious."
"cool you're lieutenant...and.... anything else interesting? like how you think halloween is 24/7, or...?"
"oh so it's a big accomplishment you're sergeant at your big age? tell someone who cares."
you're just so... eh about their ranks. but they get some power trip when you call them said rank. makes them feel some sort of way that depsite your snark, you still call them by rank. showing the clear difference of inferiority and superiority between you and them.
till you notice and shut that shet down.
"your so fucking stupid. it's like if i met The Pope. I'm gonna call him Pope because he's The Pope. I still don't give a shit though."
"or like meeting a Doctor and calling them Doctor. I don't give a fuck that the persons a Doctor. I'll still call em it."
"better yet. hate the king. hate the queen. but i still call them the queen and king. because their dumbassary is just linked to their 'ranks'. if you keep annoying me the same is gonna go for you."
you have so much sass and snark that it becomes a truly humbling experience. and it's like - damn. they could put you over their knee and really put you in your place but reader takes things from 0-100 real fucking quick.
"you wanna what you fucking freak?"
"excuse me-?"
"you're so fucking dumb. get a braincell dumb bitch. do it and fucking find out what happens."
"shot me in the head and watch my corpse not give a fuck because I don't."
and when the guys get a lil too fucking serious about putting reader in their place. reader suddenly has a gun pointed at their face. you see what I mean by taking things to 0-100 real quick?
"dummy. really tryna fuck with me when we're surrounded by guns? fuck outta here with that bullshit."
"matter fact I'd just kill myself-"
"NO!" *141*
it's obvious you may be young and perhaps a little too mouthy for your own good but it's clear you're not going to be pushed around.
but it's obvious you ain't here for the 'greater good' and just doing the work to get the paycheck. while the guys find your snark to be really fucking annoying.
it turns out that you definitely have some perks.
you may not be able to hold yourself very long in battle, just a very basic solider with basic skill sets- your mouth and attitude can really work wonders on people.
in particular, the egotistical rookie who things they're all that. taking their sweet time with basic tasks, belittling other recruits who can do the bare minimum. just in general, an asshole. that's when you step in.
"you ain't shit bitch cause at the end of the fucking day turdface, you ain't bullet proof. i can shoot you right now, and all your running and yapping will cease to exist. your corspe will rot. people will stop knowing you as the loudmouth rookie, and you will just become nothing. infact. you are nothing."
*the recruit opens their mouth. you interrupt.*
"Nothing."
*recruit tries again.*
"Nothing."
it's an endless cycle that ceases when your hardened glare doesn't stop and you pick up a rock intending to throw it at the recruit. the blank, dead, serious look in your eyes showing you are more than fucking serious.
what really works wonders though, is they way you aren't worried about putting a superior in their place. the other 141 have basically been beaten in and to not question anything. they have been made to believe they are weapons more than human.
that gets shut down real quick.
you all have just come back from mission, that was grueling. a couple of you were injured. everyone looked worse for wear. dirts, scratches, blood. someone no longer had their vest. a few lost weapons. barely had any inventory. needing food, sleep, and then a long shower shower.
but instead waiting for the task force, was a superior officer, holding the next mission file. a mission they were supposed to be getting ready for and practically leave as soon as they got back.
before price could grab for it, you intercept. grabbing the mission file and throwing it at the superior officers face.
"you giant fucking anal peice of dried solid dog shit. we're not fucking doing that. we just got back from hiding in a fucking forest for three weeks with enemy surrounding us to get intel from a camp- THAT WASN'T FUCKING THERE. so you better turn and take those pretty polished shoes to another task force."
"what is your name, soldier?" *superior officer growls.*
"Dolly Parton. Now Dolly has just worked longer than a nine to five and Dolly ain't got the patience for dealing with a man like you. i got two bullets left. one for you and one for me. and if you think i won't do it- well we can put it to the test now-"
perhaps it was the utter dead look in your eyes, or the gentle yet seething venom in your tone. the superior officer simply growls and turns on their feet, leaving the task force.
it's funny cause you do get the respect, you are barely a good soldier but dang you can get shit done when need be. so price doesn't transfer you. he still keeps you close.
ghost is the one who loves the feral little shit you are. gaz and you talk mad shit about everyone on base. soap just absolutely adores you, you're the little sibling he's always wanted.
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a/n: inspired by the feral nature of gen z.
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fairyhaos · 9 months
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how seventeen react to their s/o backhugging them
requested ^_^ also junhui is in 2 diff bullet points bc i firmly believe he belongs in both categories teehee
masterlist
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seungcheol, wonwoo, mingyu, dokyeom
see, here's the thing. he has a pretty broad and warm and sturdy back, and he's just so comfortable and always right there so of course you're gonna bury your face between his shoulder blades and never pay attention to the rest of the world ever again. you always collapse into his back after a particularly tiring day, while he's making dinner for the both of you and you want nothing more than to just bury yourself into his warmth and never leave. he's used to having you clinging to his back like a particularly stubborn limpet, and while he makes a small exclamation of surprise when you come out of nowhere to hug him, eventually he just smiles and lets you cling to him for however long u need
jeonghan, woozi, vernon, (junhui)
when you suddenly come up behind him and clamp an iron grip around his middle, he just pulls your arms more firmly around him, pats your hands and carries on with his day. you're holding him so tightly it's like you're afraid he's gonna disappear, and it's hard to move around bc you're plastered to his back and squeezing him kinda tight, but he does his best. that is, until he almost trips over your feet bc you're standing so close to him. he kinda feels like he's caught up in a trap, and tells you as such, every single time. “you're holding me hostage now, huh?” “i'm not holding you hostage.” “then are you gonna let me go?” “no.” but you're cute, so whatever. he'll happily be held hostage by you for however long it takes for you to decide he can finally be released.
joshua, minghao, chan
the moment he feels you burying your face into his back, hands around his middle, he's smiling and tilting his head back in response to your presence, murmuring a soft “hello, you” as you mumble unintelligible words into his shirt. he's so fond, practically melting in your hold, and he lets you stay plastered to his back for however long it takes you to wake up from your latest drowsy state that had you craving back hugs from him. because you backhugging him is saved for sleepy moments, for times when you're not quite awake and cling to him like a koala until you've fully woken up. it's adorable—you're adorable—so after a few minutes he's turning around and wrapping his arms around your shoulders and kissing ur cheek sweetly and asking if his lovely, lovely darling had a good sleep? <3
hoshi, seungkwan, (junhui)
yelps in surprise every time when you come up behind him and wrap around his back, before he realises that it's you and immediately relaxes. it's kinda comforting, feeling you and your warmth against him, but he gets kinda wriggly after a few minutes, wanting to see your face, so back hugs always end up turning into proper bear hugs where he wraps his arms around you and can look you in the eye properly before covering your entire face in kisses. he likes eye contact, likes seeing the love of his life right before him, and while backhugging is cute as hell do you know what’s even cuter? the little nose scrunch thingy he does when he gives you fluttery soft butterfly kisses over your eyelids.
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reactions tags: @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @bunnyiix @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @newgirlygirl @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @wonranghaeee @yonabutnotyuna @crackedpumpkin @wqnwoos @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @icyminghao @valenhui @sweet-like-caramel @evasaysstuff @odxrilove @kyeomyun @chansburgah @pepperonijem @jeonride @kellesvt @hanniehaee @astrozuya @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @amxlia-stars @all-american-fangirl @f1uffyjun
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johnbrand · 2 months
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Fathering Normality
“And then I just shoved it right in!”
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Luke grunted as he thrust forward, drawing a laugh out of his friend Colton. Luke had been recounting the entire night before to him, going over every detail. How it started as a boner, how that boner led him to a bar, how that bar led him to rubbing up against some girl, and how that girl led him to shooting multiple loads directly into her tight pussy.
“It was exhilarating!” Luke recalled, the natural masculinity giving his voice a gruff, dense texture. “And all I can think about now is…doing it again…and again!”
Luke thrusted once more, trying to relieve the pressure building up in his thick cock. Colton could not help but happily smile along with his friend, very familiar with the experience of breeding a woman himself. In fact, his girlfriend had recently found out she was pregnant. When Colton had first received the news, he had been ecstatic. When Luke had received the news from Colton days later, he had not been.
Just a week ago, Colton and Luke had been in the same positions; Luke dramatically recounting some tale while Colton laid back and listened. Although, that time had been more violent. “What do you mean she’s pregnant?” Luke cried. “What are you two going to do? You’re too young, neither of you have secured jobs. We all just barely graduated from college a few years ago!”
Argument after argument flew by, but eventually Colton could not handle it anymore. His friend was supposed to be supportive, happy for the couple as they were with the situation. Then a strange thought came to Colton’s head–maybe Luke would be more supportive if he was able to see his side of things. 
Colton had shot the bullet directly into Luke’s head without hesitation. There was no way his gay friend could have understood the joy of breeding, fertilizing, and bearing fruit other than by being converted to try it himself. Of course, Luke did not remember the sound of the gun firing, dropping to the floor, or his limp body being handed over to local enforcement. Colton did not even think Luke remembered the past version of himself. And now that Colton had met the new model, he hoped he would soon forget too.
Gay Luke had been fun. A little bit on the shorter, skinnier side, but still a ball of energy. He always had a theatrical flair, and he kept himself well-maintained, but he had commitment issues and terrible spending habits. This Straight Luke though, had nearly made the equally heterosexual Colton blush. He was now much taller, more muscular, with that ball of energy transformed into sheer masculine confidence. Luke still held that capacity to put on a performance, but now it was powerful and captivating. 
Colton had contacted Luke at the end of the incubation period, not knowing what to expect. Yet he would have never predicted the stacked body-builder in a plain, short-sleeved button-up and dirty jeans appearing at his door. Sure, there were some things Colton felt a little guilty about. Luke’s former luscious locks had thinned out and shortened into a tiny quiff afflicted by male pattern baldness. His hygiene had definitely taken a hit; Colton had smelt the new funk as soon as those massive shoes had come off at the door. But the conversion affected everyone differently, so because Luke appeared obliviously overjoyed with heterosexuality, Colton felt that he could be too.
“So I just started countin’ as I rammed in. ‘One, two,’” Luke continually thrusted to display his point. “And eventually, it had to be like on 15 or 16, I felt that first burst of ecstasy. After that I lost count, I just went into hyper-mode.”
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Colton chuckled, getting up to grab us some beers. He tossed one to Luke.
“Thanks bro,” Luke cracked his cold one open. “By the way, what did you call me over for anyway?”
“Oh man, I thought I already told you,” Colton half-lied. “My girl’s pregnant: I’m gonna be a dad.”
Luke’s eyes lit up, “DUDE! That’s awesome! Congratulations!! God, if only I could be so lucky, right?” 
Colton cheered to that, smirking at the possibility. He had been right when he had chosen to father normality. Thanks to him, one could metaphorically say he would soon be fathering twice the amount of children as a result of Luke’s conversion.
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gorgeouslypink · 1 year
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everything about the void state | vanilla explain's
A few things to note. First of all, Vanilla was a very knowledgeable and supportive master shifter on DRA (a shifting amino community). You can read some of their other posts and you'll understand they really know their stuff and have dedicated a lot of time to understand this. Second, after reading this post, you'll understand why the void state isn't "just a method."
Here is the link to the og post: link
hello and welcome to this post! i am currently fighting against all the misinformation about the void state in this community and of course i had to post a full guide about it! here you'll read what the void is, what it's not, why it's extremely cool and multiple guides how to enter it!
table of content
i. intro
ii. the void
- what is it
- what is it not
- why the void state
- what it "looks like"
iii. how to enter it
- the "before state"
- awake
- sleep
- other ways
- affirmations
iv. q & a
v. outro
i. intro
in this post i talk about everything in context of the void state. i explain in deep detail what it actually is, clear up more misinformation, how to enter it in a lot of different ways, why the void is really nice and useful and in the end even have a q&a for everyone that got questions! you will notice how insane many misinformation are here. not just a few but full "guides" and "explanations" with it. please do not blame the creators for spreading them more! if you thought the same, you also could've been one of the people making posts about it.
ii. the void
let's start with the actual topic. to explain what the void is we have to know what exactly we are at first. so, what are we, what are you? you are an awareness. that means you are a tiny swabble-bubble thingy that experience the multiverse. right now you are on the physical plane so you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste. you can do a lot more things but the only important one is that you exist. you have no original appearance or identity (that's another topic) at this moment you are just you. you experience the 3d as y/n y/l/n. there are a few more things of course like your subcons and all that but it is not important for us now.
what is it?
we know that we are an awareness currently on the physical plane. we don't have an original identity we belong to as much as a reality. so what happens if we leave the 3d? is that even possible? yes, yes it is. that is the void state. the void means that you leave the physical plane. that is all. it is nothing special or unusual. the void state is the state of awareness. you, the tiny swabble-bubble thingy, exist there in your purest, most natural form. you could say the void is your home. when you aren't in a reality, you are in the void state. it's where you always return to and there is nothing more natural for you. you are just power, happiness, and peace there. nothing from the 3d can effect you anymore, your mind get's a whole reset. what does that mean? you have to know that you, the awareness, are not meant to doubt, have limited beliefs, worries, fears, trauma. it isn't natural or normal for you. you have them here on the 3d because they are physical circumstances. once you leave the physical plane, it of course means that they don't exist anymore. you enter it and BOOM they get completely erased. you won't even understand how you could believe such stuff after that. as you can see, the void is the state where you exist in your most "original" form, even if you don't have any identity or something like that.
what is it not
this is gonna be a long, long list. i'll actually make bullet points with everything i've ever heard here so you don't have to ask in the comments "someone said it is xy, is that true?". you can be very very sure that everything here in this list got 100% nothing at all to do with the void state. in the end i'll talk about the most drastic thing's but i also explained a lot already in my post about misconceptions.
- "body asleep, mind awake"
- meditation
- dreaming
- sats
- a sleep state
- the god state (mindset definition)
- theta state
- the "before state"
- relaxation
- the thing after you woke up
- being " in your brain"
- any other physical state at all⠀ ⁣⠀⁣⠀ ⁣⠀⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀⁣⠀ ⁣⠀ ⁣⠀⁣⠀ ⠀ ⁣as you can see, you guys came up with a lot of things! you may already understood, the void means leaving the physical plane, so its being a physical state is absolutely impossible. you do not notice it on the 3d. at all. it is just not possible. many, many ask me "why didn't i shift from the void" but tell me a few sentence later "and i only felt my body a little bit" and i sit there like "okay, i'll start from the very beginning".
so please guys, in the void you leave the physical plane. you have no body. you can't feel anything physical at all. when you "felt your body only a little bit" you weren't even near the void. once you entered it, the physical plane doesn't exist for you anymore. with these very important information we can just ignore 10 things from the list now because we know that they aren't true at all. last but not least "it is the god state". but what is the god state? there are two main definitions here 1. just another term for the void so it's totally okay to say it, but what many here mean is 2. the "god state" mindset. that's a bit tricky, the second meaning is just a mindset. it represents your natural state of mind where you are limitless and powerful. you have it immediately in the void BUT if you have it here on the 3d you are not automatically in the void. you are still on the physical plane. tiny but important difference.
why the void state
you may already thought "damn, that sounds cool" but do you know how cool it actually is? besides that you finally align with your natural state of mind, that the void is pure happiness, peace, and joy, that you can chill there as much as you want, you can also do everything you want!! whatever it is, there are no limits. so here a few things you may don't know you can do:
- change the past
- skip time
- change your whole appearance to your liking
- shift everywhere
- manifest to wake up every night in the void
- manifest the future
- erase things (f.e. racism etc)
- manifest to always shift instantly
- change everything about your life
- manifest to lucid dream every night⠀ ⁣
as you can see, a lot more than many people think of. and the coolest?? it is instantly, in the very moment you want it, 100% reality. in the void the 3d/4d time gap can not exist because you are ABOVE the 3d. in the void you and your subcons work completely together that means that you literally give the commands. what do you have to do for it? want it. you don't even need affirmations or anything. you just want it and it is reality, no other possible outcome. in the void you can not fail, never and with nothing. if you ever thought you were in the void but "didn't shift" this is your clear sign that you were definitely not in the void. you are pure power there, it is impossible for you to fail at anything.
what it "looks like"
a question many, many have! what do you see in the void? actually you see nothing. you have nothing to see, you have no eyes. that's something most people are afraid of, deep, endless black and nothingness. but that's not the whole answer. you can customize your void! you have something called a "mental image". it is a picture you have in your mind and that is what you see. you can change it to your liking, very common here are galaxies. you could compare it to very, very vivid visualization but you don't have to focus on it and it's completely natural. you see whatever you want to see in the void. if you don't want black nothingness, you won't have it. very simple. so please don't be scared!
iii. how to enter it
there are a lot of ways to enter the void! you can basically leave the 3d through everything you want but of course a few things are easier for the mainstream than others. just try what you like and don't think you have to enter it immediately. i always compare it to speaking a language after a long ass break. it's weird and maybe seems hard, but every day you get more confident and notice how easy it is. that's the exact same with the void. everything is progress because every single thing is one step closer to being comfortable.
the "before state"
a term you guys hear extremely often from me. i came up with it because this was also a misinformation. but wait, what is it?? the so called "before state." it describes the time where you, the awareness, get ready to leave the physical plane. it always happens and especially beginner can feel A LOT there. it is the state where you feel like spinning, floating, falling all at once with tingles, dizziness, and confrusion. some time ago people said that this is the void. it is not. that's, as you already know by now, something that happens before you enter the void. many feel it, some do not and that is completely okay. for most people that actually feel it this intense it get's less and less every time they try. like you get more and more used to the idea of the void state, you know? you mostly witness it when you try to enter it awake or through a physical state. if you think you can not stand it, that's okay, you got enough other ways!
awake
made for biginner and everyone else
-before doing anything, ask yourself what you wanna do there? do you wanna chill a bit, manifest something, shift? with the intention or affirmations? if you can answer that you're good to go
-maybe put your phone away really quick to just calm down a bit so you're not full of energy while trying. you could draw something instead?
-lay down in a position where you know that it won't distract you. nothing that hurts or is uncomfortable
-now it helps many (especially when it's your fist attemps) to have a vague "plan". do you wanna visualize? affirm? counting?
-if you wanna relax more you can take a few breaths at the beginning
-after that try to just don't care about your body. don't care about your breath (and DON'T focus on it!!), you can count or start visualizing/affirming till you reach a deep deep relaxed state
-now you'll probably start feeling A LOT. physically and mentally (i don't talk about the itchy-pain feeling, that's just you body). your body will feel like floating, spinning and falling at the same time, you'll be dizzy and "confused". that's okay and totally normal. just stand it, do not fight it*
-if you have trouble affirming while that happen just think about it, it doesn't have to be very specific
-after that you'll feel nothing, absolutely nothing
-then you'll leave the physical plane, you'll just know it because you feel inner peace and happiness and calm
*this is the before state and will most probably get less intense every time you try sleep
you can also enter it with a sleep method! a thing not many people know but that's why we are here, right? just go to bed, now you can do several things
- listen to subliminals
- affirm
- visualize
- have mental conversations about the void
- just set your intention
you can do all, you can do none, just one, whatever you want. it is like the intention for shifting just with the difference that you wanna leavsle the 3d and not change your physical environment. it is the method many people use when they have problems with the before state, don't wanna lay still or have no time for it. you can do it anytime, everywhere. if you focus right now on lucid dreaming? awesome, you can still intend. in fact, the intention is exactly equally progress as when you try it awake. so it's definitely not just a "lazy version"!
other ways
as said, you can leave the physical plane through everything but here are some of your favorites:
- lucid dreaming
you can do it already or practice it right now? awesome! maybe try to enter the void state throught it. once the dream is lucid start to say affirmations, visualize or intend. or whatever you feel called to do
- physical states
you can reach sats easily? the theta state? you meditate or are able to disconnect from your body?use it for the void state if you want. if you can enter one of these and it helps you to disconnect from the physical world, that is really great. do whatever you want to do or ate able to. the same recommended as always, visualization, affirmations, no matter what you like the most
- " is this even real?"
you know the moment when life feels kinda unreal?when you look at the physical world and genuinely question how this can be reality? these are great moments to affirm you are in the void! if it feels unreal, who could proof that you aren't in the void?
- subliminals
got no time or just don't wanna try? there are many good subliminals out there to enter the void state. personally i recommend solars one. just listening to subliminals can also bring you in the void. they send clear commands of what you want to your subconscious mind and it will just say "oh, wanna leave? okay got you sweetie!"
affirmations
- i am pure awareness
- i am pure consciousness
- i am in the void
- i am in the void state
- i leave the physical plane
- i leave the 3d
- i completely disconnect from the 3d
- i can not get influenced by anything physical
- i am just pure awareness
- i have my natural state of mind
- i have my natural power
- i am home
- the void is my home
- i am where i'm supposed to be
- i leave the physical plane behind me
- i leave my body behind me
- i am pure nothing
- i want to leave the physical plane
- i am comfortable with leaving the physical plane
- leaving the physical plane is natural for me
- i am used to leave the physical plane
- i am used to being the void
- the void is my natural place
iv. q & a
just ask anything in the comments and i'll answer it here! or if you want you can take a look at my ask me anything - void state related, there are also a lot different questions!
q: do you feel unconditional love in the void?
a: you could describe it like that. you feel truly happy, at peace, calm, loved, secure, all the positive things you naturally should feel :smile:
q: Hey! Even if I don’t practice it awake and just intent to get into void state and sleep will my body get used to leave the 3D?
a: absolutely!! it's the same amount of progress :smile:
v. outro
this was my post about the void state and the first part of "vanilla explain's" my series where i explain things to you that aren't very common here! if you have wishes and ideas, let me know. please also comment every question you may have about the void state
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mysicklove · 1 year
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𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄
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DAY 8: TOYS
With: Giyuu Tomioka
Word Count: 2.1k
Warnings: Sub! Giyuu, gn! reader, modern day au, vibrators, bullet vibrator, anal play, nipple clams, vibrating cock ring, reader lowkey sadistic, safeword mentioned, giyuu crying/sobbing,
A/N: i struggled writing this and i have no idea why. welp.
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“There are so many…Where did you find them?” Giyuu mumbles into your neck, sitting behind you on your shared bed, completely bare. His face has turned a bright red, and hes getting extra clingy, meaning that he must be embarrassed. But he is embarrassed majority of the time you do anything remotely not vanilla, so you are used to it.
You sit with a grin, staring at the items layed in front of you. Most of them are a shade of pink, but some are purple, or dark blue. Toys. You have acquired a bunch of sex toys, and today you were going to try them out on your adorable, stone-faced, boyfriend. “Online. Do you want me to explain what they all are?” 
He nods into the back of your neck, peering over your shoulder, and wrapping his arms tighter around your waist.
His eyes scan the multitude of silicon, and the strangely shaped devices. He has never owned nor even talked about sex toys, and the fake pussy is staring right at him, and is making him squirm uncomfortably. You pick it up, laughing at the way he seems to cower at it. “This is a fleshlight. We also have another one over here,” This one was a green color, and just looked like a cylinder with texture on the inside. He liked this one immediately more. “You fuck it instead of your hand.” He blushes at the bluntness of your words but nods.
You set the two down, and Giyuu makes sure to turn away the lewder fleshlight so that it doesn’t face him. You giggle at him but don’t say anything and begin to search for your next item.Your hands trace to a white wand-shaped item, bigger than the rest of them. “Watch this,” You say, clicking on the button to see it jump to life. Giyuu’s eyes widen at the loudness of it, and how strong the vibrations are, and he unconsciously leans into you. “This is a vibrator.” You place it on his chest, and he jumps when they graze his sensitive nipples, shooting you a half-hearted glare. “We also have a bullet vibrator.” You grab the pink circular vibrator with the long attachment cord. “I have some fun ideas for this.” 
He covers his face and groans when you playfully slap his ass. “Alright, two more.”
Giyuus eyes wander to a mental chain with two clamps on both ends. Before you can continue, he cuts you off, pointing to it and mumbling out, “What is this?”
Your face lights up, and you place a hand on his thigh, leaning forward to whisper into his ear teasingly, “Nipple clamps.” You grab the chain from his hand, and pinch the two sides, staring at his chest in awe. “Bet they’ll make your cute nipples all red and swollen,” You sigh, mouth already watering at the idea. 
He flinches, pulling away. “Th-Thats gonna hurt,” The dark-haired man complains, trying to hide away from your sadistic gaze. He squirms when you laugh, and grabs a purple silicon circle, hoping to distract you. “And this?”
“Mhmm, may be my favorite. Cock ring. Prevents you from cumming, and look!” You press the button, sending the toy to life. “It also vibrates. Man, Giyuu, you are going to have so much fun tonight!”
His face pales slightly, and he drops the toy. “I don’t like that one,” He frowns, not liking the idea of not being able to cum at all. 
You peck his mouth, ignoring his complaint. “Hmm, most men don’t. But you’ll look so cute!”
He lets out a small whimper, hoping to coax some sympathy from you, but you just smile at him, petting his head. “It’s gonna be fun. And you will have your safeword. So if you don’t like anything too much, we can stop.”
He doesn’t say anything, instead moving closer to you. You feel something tap your thigh, and grin when you look down. “Well, arent you excited?”
He gulps, looks up at you one more time, and then buries his head into your neck with a whine, mentally preparing for what’s to come.
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He was right to prepare, he was already trembling before you even turned anything on. He yelps when you clamp the second nipple on, and you wipe away a stray tear. “Hurts,” he whines, cringing when he glances down at his chest. 
“Sorry love, it’s over now. That was a little uncomfortable, huh Giyuu?” You murmur, cupping his face and kissing his cheek. The words make him feel like a child being comforted after getting wounded, but still, he melts at the tone, playing into it by sniffling and nodding. “Oh you’re so cute, just makes me wanna tease you.”
He whimpers, frowning at you and shaking his head. You pull away and run your fingers down his body, and then sit back on your knees before him. He lays on his back, hands on your knee, while blinking at you, waiting patiently for what’s next to cum.
He lays naked, and with one hand on your knee, seeking comfort. The thin chain connects his two nipples together, and lays lax against his pale chest. On his cock, is the cockring, that sits silently, waiting for you to turn it on. His dick fumes against his stomach, twitching in arousal. Next to him, lay the light green fleshlight (he convinced you to put away the pussy one), and the wand vibrator. And finally, the pink bullet vibrator is up his ass, and grazing his prostate. 
“Alright, let’s start this, yeah? How many times do you think you are gonna cum?” You tease, distracting him as you reach in between his thighs, and click on the vibrator. 
He jumps, sighing out when he feels the low vibrations inside him. “Don’t know,” He mumbles, “Maybe two times?”
You giggle, shaking your head. “Way too low of a guess, silly boy.” The sound of the cockring clicks to life, and Giyuus eyes visibly widen. It was at a higher intensity than the bullet vibrator, and it surprised him.
The two intense feelings send him shivering, and quietly moaning out. His hand grips onto your knee, and he buries his head into the pillow, panting into the soft fabric. You smile at him, and then grab the fleshlight, quickly pouring a copious amount of lube in.
You then steady his hips, huffing a laugh to see them already trembling. Then you force the fleshlight onto his cock, marveling at the lewd squelching noise. 
His reaction is immediate, bucking his hips into it, but then frantically pulling away, as if he was confused. “Wait. Wait. Wait. At the same time?” Giyuu uncharacteristically yelps, eyes wide and staring at you in panic.
You cock your head to the side. “Of course? What did you think we were doing?” He tries to respond, but it’s cut off by a moan when you slide the entire thing back on. It’s too big, considering the cockring covers too much space, so the tip ends about halfway into the toy. 
The vibrations travel to the silicon when the two toys touch, and it sends Giyuu crying out. “F-Fuckkkk. No no no. It’s too much!” 
His hips barely touch the ground anymore. Frantically moving from side to side, and then bucking upward into the toy without his consent. His frantic movements send heat to your groin, and you reach around in between his thighs to turn up the bullet vibrator to the highest level.
His thighs instictually close shut, and your hand almost got caught in his trap. You smack his upper thigh gently, in a tease, but he doesn’t seem to notice. His back is arching and he is gripping the sheets, letting out a silent scream. Giyuus face is buried into the pillow, but he’s whipping his head from side to side, overwhelmed with all the sensations. 
You pump his dick slowly, instead focusing your attention on your obviously overstimulated boyfriend. “I can’t–I can’t. Oh my god, it’s everywhere,” he cries, legs sporadically bending and then kicking out. 
His body forces himself to the side, moving your hand aside, as his hips come up. Then he turns himself completely over, onto his hands and knees as he screams into the pillow, while bucking his hips backward and forward into the two vibrations. He hiccups when he feels his nipples being tugged at by the force of gravity on the clamps. 
“There ya go. More comfortable on your hands and knees?” You don’t wait for him to respond, brushing his hair to the side. “Now, what’s everywhere, Giyuu?”
He sobs something into the pillow, but you can’t hear it, so you gently pinch his thigh. He gets the memo immediately, and pulls away, balancing on shaky hands, as drool coats his face. “T-The vibrations–Everywhere!” He hiccups, lifting his ass higher in the air as his eyes roll back.
A sadistic urge boils in your stomach as you glance at the white vibrator. He was wrong….They weren’t everywhere, and you wanted to change that. With one hand, you bring the fleshlight back to his cock, and then gulp, before picking up the wand, and switching it on. 
He doesn’t hear the new sound of the vibrator, focused completely on the feeling of the fleshlight again. His hips drill into it, and then occasionally arch as if to push himself deeper into the bullet vibrator.
You reach under him, and gently place the wand on the chain. It pulls it down, and also sends vibrations rippling through the chains. 
Giyuu’s eyes widen, and then immediately he sobs into the pillow, cringing as his fists jab into the bed sheets. His nipples are being pulled at, and are vibrating profusely. “Ow. Owwwww, stop stop! Its–I can’t–Oh help me!”
Before you get lost in the mouthwatering view, you are quick to ask if he is all alright. “Your color?”
“Green. Green,” He hiccups, “But you are so–so mean to me!” 
You kiss his upper thigh and continue to move your hands up and down his shaft. His whole body trembles, and the only thing louder than the multiple vibrations, was his constant moans and cries. “But you are gonna cum soon, right, Giyuu?” You coo, watching the way pre begins to dribble out, and helps lube the toy.
He nods into the pillow, body beginning to collapse on itself. You are quick to pull him upright, liking the view of his trembling ass, and shaking dick a little too much. “Bet it's going to be intense,” You mumble, “Bet it’s going to feel so good.”
Your words send his head spinning because you are right. He feels himself approach closer and closer to it, and its never been this intense before. Every sensitive part of his body is being stimulated, and it hasn’t even been five minutes.
You know the signs of your lover beginning to approach his orgasm, and you take the cockring off. One of these days youll use it to deny him his release, but not today, that would be too brutal with everything that is going on. He doesn’t notice, because it’s immediately replaced by the fleshlight fucking him up and down.
 “Please. Please. I–” He falters, forgetting how to speak when his orgasm hits him. His whole body shakes, and he sees white. Every inch of his body is screaming out, and he has got to be on cloud nine. 
He stays silent through it all though, eyes rolling back, and teeth biting into the pillow. Cum shoots out, onto his stomach and the sheets, and you smile through it all. 
His legs collapse moments later and his whole body falls limp against the sheets, jerking sporadically from the continuous vibrations on his prostate. Giyuu felt as if his brain melted, his every thought truly fucked out of him.
He feels his hips being lifted again, your arm supporting him, and he glances at you with hazy blue eyes. “Don’t pass out on me now,” You tease, strapping the cockring back into place. “We still got at least two more orgasms to pull from you.”
And the second the vibrations turn on, he seems to snap awake, but its too late. “W-Wait!” 
You just laugh, and bring the wand vibrator back to his now-redden nipples.
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hysteria-things · 8 months
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can u do one where you and matt/chris are about to make sec and he’s going in your drawer for a condom but he find a a vibrator and starts asking u about it and you got the rest lol
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"WHAT'S THIS?"
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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: dom!chris x reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: chris finds something in your drawer and asks you about it. you’re embarrassed because you got it a while ago but never used it, and chris comes up with something to do about it.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: SMUT, vibrator, oral (male receiving), throat fucking, darcryphilia (sorta)
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 987
𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: gonna start doing some requests AND thank you sm for over 100 followers in a day??? that’s crazy.
anywho i hope you like it anon! thanks for being my first request💕
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finally, you and chris have some alone time. because of your job and chris’s busy schedule, it’s almost impossible to hang out with each other no matter how hard you try.
this saturday was the only day available for the both of you until further notice. why not make the most out of it, right?
chris doesn’t take his lips off of yours while he reaches and opens your bedside table drawer to get out the condom box he knows you have in there. instead, he feels another box.
he furrows his eyebrows and pulls away, turning his head to where his hand rests on the object. “y/n?” he questions. “what’s this?”
he pulls out the box and holds it so you can see, but he knows damn well what it is. a hint of a smirk appears on his face when he sees your cheeks turn red.
“i— um…” you stammer, scurrying to your feet that were straddling his legs and standing at the end of the bed. he still lays on the bed with his head resting against the backboard, his eyebrows raised with a grin. “i-i got it a while ago. i haven’t used it because as i was buying it i knew it was a stupid decision anyway. i-i forgot it was even in there.”
you rub the back of your neck, now sweating from the embarrassment. chris slides himself to where you’re standing and stands in front of you, the vibrator box still in his hand.
he starts to open the box, causing your eyes to almost pop out of your head. “w-what are you doing?”
“there’s a first time for everything,” he states, now sliding the purple bullet out of its packaging.
he pulls down your shorts and underwear. you step out of them and kick them somewhere when they reach your ankles. he presses the lowest setting and moves his hand so the vibe touches your clit.
you moan lowly, licking your lips and throwing your head back from the sudden vibration. chris doesn’t put it in just yet, instead, he moves it up and down.
“chris, come on,” you whine, wanting him to do more. you grip onto his shoulders to stay stable when you feel your legs become weak.
“hold this and get on your knees,” he demands, handing you the vibrator. you stand there for a few seconds before following his command, going on your knees and keeping the object between your legs.
you’re still moaning when he takes off his sweatpants that have the outline of his hard-on.
his dick springs out in front of you, and you open your mouth without him having to tell you. he smirks at this. “so desperate.”
you whimper and start to take the vibrator off of your clit, but chris notices this and stops you. “no. leave it there while you suck my cock.”
you look up at him through your lashes and move your mouth to where it sucks on the tip. he groans, taking his hands and grabbing your hair. you start to move your head down his length, choking here and there since only so much can fit in your small mouth.
you feel his tip touch the back of your throat, and you take your unoccupied hand and start pumping the amount you can’t fit.
he grunts and moans, looking down at how beautiful you look sucking him off.
your hand that’s on the vibrator tends to move faster than your brain so without a second thought, you turn it up to the max setting. you’re wet enough at this point and slide it in.
you moan around his dick. you try to focus on the two things you’re doing at once, but you can’t. you lift your lips off of his dick and start humping the vibrator to get closer to your high.
chris grabs onto your jaw and forces you to look at him. “what’s wrong, hm? can you only take so much?”
“please.” you moan. “i want to cum.”
“so do i.” he doesn’t give you a chance to reply when he shoves himself back into your moaning mouth. the vibrations from your sounds make his dick twitch.
the unholy sounds of his cock plowing into your mouth fill the room, along with the sound of the vibrator moving in and out of your pussy. with each thrust you moan, and each time you moan, chris’s orgasm builds.
drool drips onto your chin and neck. your eyes start to flutter backward until you feel his grip on your jaw tighten.
“don’t even think about it.” he thrusts a little harder this time, causing you to gag and tears start to form. “i want you to look me in the eyes when you come.”
you try your best to not roll your eyes back when his dark eyes look dead into yours. a tear sheds from your eyelid, and he takes his thumb and wipes it away. “you’re so pretty.”
you feel your white liquid start to ooze out of you, and for some reason, you try to talk. obviously, you can’t, so instead it comes out as hums.
luckily, chris understands. “is my girl making a mess on the floor? hm?”
you whimper but nod. he halts his movements when he’s all the way deep in your throat, making sure you swallow every drop of him.
he pulls out and you cough a few times before turning the vibe off and setting it down next to you. he cups your face, rubbing your tear-stained cheeks.
he helps you to your feet. “i’ll run a bath for you and clean up. then we can cuddle and watch your favorite movie. how’s that sound?”
you smile and nod, your brain still fuzzy from what happened mere seconds ago. he kisses you, picking you up and carrying you to the bathroom connected to your bedroom.
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𝐭𝐚𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭!
@bunbunbl0gs @lexisecretaccx @thy-mission @angelic-sturniolos111 @sophssturn @mattsneezing
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valtharr · 5 months
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In the last few days, I've now had two run-ins with people on this site regarding the idea of a TTRPG's mechanics and rules impacting the roleplay aspect of said game. And from what I can tell, these people - and people like them - have the whole concept backwards.
I think people who only ever played D&D and games like it, people who never played a Powered by the Apocalypse or Forged in the Dark system, or any other system with narratively-minded mechanics, are under one false impression:
Mechanics exist to restrict.
Seeing how these people argue, what exactly they say, how they reason why "mechanics shouldn't get in the way of roleplaying," that seems to be their core idea: Rules and mechanics are necessary evils that exist solely to "balance" the game by restricting the things both players and GMs can do. The only reasons why someone would want to use mechanics in their RPG is to keep it from devolving into
"I shot you, you're dead!" "No, I'm wearing bulletproof armor!" "I didn't shoot bullets, I shot a laser!" "Well, the armor's also laserproof!" "Nuh-uh, my lasers are so hot that they melt any armor!" "My armor's a material that can't melt!" And so on. Because we have rules, the players can't just say "we beat this challenge", and neither can the GM say "you haven't beaten this challenge." Because the rules are clear, the rules are obvious, the rules tell you what you can and can't do, and that's it.
So obviously, when the idea of mechanics directly interacting with the roleplay - generally seen as the most free and creative part of a TTRPG - seems at best counterintuitive, at worst absolutely wrong. Hearing this idea, people might be inclined to think of a player saying "I'm gonna do X", just for the evil, restrictive mechanics to come in and say "no, you can't just do X! you first have to roll a Do X check! But you also did Y earlier, so you have to roll the Did Y Penalty Die, and if that one comes up higher than your Do X die, you have to look at this table and roll for your Doing X If You Previously Did Y Penalty! But, if you roll double on that roll..."
But like... that's not how it works. Roleplay-oriented mechanics don't exist to restrict people from roleplaying, they're there to encourage people to roleplay!
Let's go with a really good example for this: The flashback mechanic from Blades in the Dark (and games based on Blades in the Dark).
In BitD, you can declare a flashback to an earlier point in time. Could be five minutes ago, could be fifty years ago, doesn't matter. You declare a flashback, you describe the scene, you take some stress (the equivalent of damage) and now you have some kind of edge in the present, justified by what happened in the flashback. For example, in the Steeplechase campaign of the Adventure Zone podcast, there was a scene where the PCs confronted a character who ended up making a scandalous confession. One of the players declared a flashback, establishing that, just before they walked in, his character had pressed the record button on a portable recording device hidden in his inner coat pocket. Boom, now they have a recording of the confession.
How many times have you done something like this in a D&D game? How many times did your DM let you do this? I think for most players, that number is pretty low. And for two reasons:
The first, admittedly, has to do with restrictions. If you could just declare that your character actually stole the key to the door you're in front of in an off-screen moment earlier, that would be pretty bonkers. Insanely powerful. But, because BitD has specific mechanics built around flashbacks, there are restrictions to it, so it's a viable option without being overpowered.
But secondly, I think the far more prevalent reason as to why players in games without bespoke flashback mechanics don't utilize flashbacks is because they simply don't even think of them as an option. And that's another thing mechanics can do: Tell players what they (or their characters) can do!
Like, it's generally accepted that the players only control what their characters do, and the GM has power over everything else. That's a base assumption, so most players would never think of establishing facts about the larger world, the NPCs, etc. But there are games that have explicit mechanics for that!
Let's take Fabula Ultima as another example: In that game, you can get "Fabula Points" through certain means. They can then spend those points to do a variety of things. What's literally the first thing on the list of things Fabula Points let you do? "Alter the Story - Alter an existing element or add a new element." I've heard people use this to decide that one of the enemies their group was just about to fight was actually their character's relative, which allowed them to resolve the situation peacefully. I again ask: In your average D&D session, how likely is it that a player would just say "that guy is my cousin"? And if they did, how likely is it that the GM accepts that? But thanks to the Fabula Point mechanic making this an explicit option, thanks to rules explicitly saying "players are allowed to do this", it opens up so many possibilities for story developments that simply would not happen if the GM was the only one allowed to do these things.
And it's only possible because the mechanics say it is. Just how your wizard casting fireball is only possible because the mechanics say it is.
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s1llyalabaster · 2 months
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Haii! Can i request ratio x gn!Reader who is always clingy and clings to ratio everywhere they gotta whether it's holding his arms, or his fingers, or anything, even when they sleep reader always clings to him, ratio can't event get out of the bed ini the morning cuz how tight their grip is. Idk man just a though at 2am lol
WAAAAGH this is such a cute idea!!! I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to pump this out faster and earlier but here it is anon!! (Gonna be doing bullet point for this because I can't really think of how to put multiple scenarios into one whole fic)
Like Dust on an Alabaster Head - Veritas Ratio
Just like what the title says, where reader clings to Ratio like a speck of dust on his alabaster head. ~300 words , SFW
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◘ I can imagine you, Ratio, and other researchers sat at a meeting where you're supposed to concentrate and take notes etc, but *THE* Doctor just somehow ends up clenching his jaw in slight embarrassment when you two link fingers or even nudge your foot at his.
◘ ANON YOUR IDEA OF THE BED SCENE IS SO CUTE AS WELL LIKE?!?!?! Imagine Ratio, having a seminar to attend in the morning, using every atom in his body to slowly slip out of your (quite strong) grip. But he ultimately fails as your body somehow works like a bear trap, detecting the movement of that of Vertias'.
◘ Another scenario would be when you two have an off-day, you'd just be always attaching your fingers to his body when you two go on a walk, or spend some time in the library. Despite his half-assed remarks to keep your hands off him, from his body language itself, it seems that he doesn't think it's as unbearable as he says it is.
◘ Your clinginess even shows in text! Dr. Ratio doesn't really text much, even with his accquaintannces, let alone his coworkers. So when he leaves his phone on his work desk without care, his coworkers are shocked to see him reply to your flirty messages or sticker spamming on the dot, not even seconds sparing. You know how phones can have custom "do not disturb" modes? He probably has notifications on only for you 24/7 and ignores everyone else's.
◘ Currently obsessed over domestic malewife! Ratio SO what if you wrap your arms around Ratio when he's cooking or doing chores, and he's trying to pry them off to avoid any danger hazards but you're just clinging on like an octopus or a koala..... GOT ME SO SOFT
◘ Your clinginess would definitely grow TENFOLD when you're tired and you'd be asking him to piggyback carry you around the house until you're satisfied (your last ounce of awakeness decides against doing so in public).
◘ I have a feeling Dr. Ratio would be the "appears touch repulsed but is actually touched starved" type, so sometimes he does really appreciate your clinginess and you taking the initiative to touch him, hug him, kiss him and whatnot. It'll take some time for him to work up the courage, or in his words "stoop so low as to ask for touch like an idiot", to ask for kisses etc.
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foone · 2 months
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The way it works is it's a surgery to make you immune to a bullet.
Note, that's not the same as being immune to bullets. You're only immune to a single shot: if someone shoots you twice, you're dead.
You can take the surgery again, though. The only real limitation is that you gotta wait 2-3 weeks between each time. But if you've got the money and the time, you can be as bulletproof as you want.
It doesn't "refill", by the way. Often when the surgery is explained people think it's like "a bullet a day" or "you can get shot once a year" or whatever. Nope! Once you've been shot it's just like you never had that surgery to begin with. If you want to "refill" that immunity? You have the surgery again.
No, there's no upper limit to how many times you can go, that we know of at least. There's one guy in Florida who has made it "his thing" to get the surgery as often as he can. He's currently up to about 50. Obviously there's some people online who've said they're gonna shoot this guy and lower his "record", just to be countrary.
Anyway I'm sure there'd be people who have even higher numbers (anyone who has "getting shot" as a major occupational risk, ie, politicians, soldiers, cops, and anyone doing any kind of residental survey in rural areas), but they only invented the surgery like three years ago, it's just simple math: you can't do much better than that guy.
The invention of the surgery hasn't done much to decrease gun sales, though. I mean, there's been a slight increase in people buying guns with larger capacity, for what I'd consider obvious reasons.
I did see an article suggesting that in the long run it might end up increasing the sale of guns. See their analysis is that two factors are going to drive up gun ownership:
1. People will be more willing to shoot at trespassers and thieves and such, because it'll be more like a warning shot: if they have some immunity, it won't be murder. So far that hasn't really happened as not that many people have the surgery yet. Although it's spreading fast, only major cities have surgeons trained in it, and often waits for surgery can be months long.
2. Conversely, people are going to be more likely to break in and rob and trespass if they know they can't be shot dead for it, because they got the surgery. There'll be a minor uptick in home invasions and such and this'll cause a big predictable panic among middle class homeowners who are now terrified some hooligan is gonna break into their house to steal their iPads. Thus they go throw money at security systems and cameras and guns.
So who knows at this point. If the cost (in both time and money) comes down, maybe it becomes super common for people to be so effectively invulnerable to guns that there's really no point in owning one?
I do agree with the common consensus that this is going to drive a big increase in crimes committed with knives and such. Why take a risk that your target might be immune?
Which reminds me of another thing to clarify because sometimes people online get this very wrong: it's only for bullets! You are not immune to getting hit by a car or poisoned or set on fire. Don't walk into traffic or anything, jesus.
Oh one last thing: there is a blood test that can tell if you have immunity, but it can't tell how many times you've had the surgery. You gotta figure that out yourself: so ask your doctor, search your emails, something. Every day I'm hearing from healthcare workers saying someone came in to get the blood test and it had to be explained to them that we can't tell how much protection you have: only if it's there or not. And I feel like a fool for having to say this, but REMEMBER to subtract any times you've got shot! (if you have been) Obviously!
EDIT: In light of recent events, people are sharing this post and arguing about it a lot, but let me be clear: grazes and small cuts do not count! The exact dividing line is too complicated to explain here (look up "circulatory shock" on Wikipedia), but basically if you don't end up with a big hole in you, the shot doesn't trigger the immunity.
That's how it works: you could have an ear blown clean off, and you'd still not trigger an immunity. So please stop spreading that idiotic conspiracy theory that a former president didn't have any immunity. You can barely run a high-school without being required to have immunity to hold the position, because what if someone shoots you? Come on! Of course he has immunity.
For all we know he's got some prototype experimental shit they use on president's that got him up to 200 in a couple days. There's endless rumors of the DoD funding billions in black budget items to that sort of thing, because of course. Who wouldn't want a way to make bulletproof soldiers? You don't think the soviets are pouring even more into it?
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chaichaiiskai · 10 months
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Hi okay so if you're still doing a request can I get a (baki) Pickle x bottom male reader. So I want public sex where Pickle FuCks Reader Hard infront of everyone kinda like the reporter scene but you know with consent but if your not comfortable with that just normal rough sex in a bed room or forest since that's where Pickle is from.
If your not comfortable with this then that's okay i understand.
notes: OKAY, so, I did not see this until I wrote the last pickle request so I'm gonna connect this ask with that one— it's right here if ya wanna read it, deffo recommend it bc of lore :D hope ya enjoy this too !!! can't even lie, I'm thoroughly invested in the story of Pickle and Cucumber and I'm honestly thinking about keeping these two as reoccurring on my blog ngl.
warnings: mdni, homophobes do not interact, amab reader, he/him pronouns, violence against others that aren't reader, murder, blood and blood depictions, brief description of violence against woman and their wombs, mxm, pickle is very protective and basically yandere but who wouldn't be during the jurassic time period, rim jobs, lack of prep before anal, noncon mentioned but not against reader, reader is called cucumber by the facility and is basically a nickname, cumflation, belly bulge, size difference, very massive, very long, giant cock that is more weapon than genital, rough and unprotected sex bc duh they're both primitive men, hunting of animals, drugging // food tampering— I think that's it, lemme know if I missed anything.
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The ultimate goal of the experiment was to further test the pure, raw strength of the primitive man when fueled by emotion and longing, going without food for a week. And their experiment proved to be true, far too true as a matter of fact. Multiple casualties would be forever staining the pages that reported the experiment and any sane person would have ended the experiment then and there to reunite the two lovers again.
However, a man at the top, who thought of nothing but himself, wanted to see just how far Pickle would go, even if that meant more casualties would have to be made. And so, the bloodbath ensued.
As Pickle roamed the facility halls, wave after wave came at him, rubber bullets aimed his way and raining on him that proved to have no impact on him whatsoever. He easily swiped aside the nuisances that are in his way, swiping away the small people until they go flying, hitting nearby walls— the sound of cracking bones, splattering, and coughing is sickening. So sickening that some of the scientists, though they love their jobs, find themselves going against the higher-ups.
One bravely moves in front of Pickle and holds his hands up, attempting to seem as if he was defenseless and then began to point behind him, pointing at a large door that was down the hall the primitive man was currently stalking down.
"He's there! There!"
He quickly announced, and then used his other hand to wave in the direction of the security camera he knew was currently watching the entire sight.
And on cue, the giant doors opened. To your surprise, the wall opening woke you out of your forced slumber that was brought onto you by a primitive form of depression sparked by your loss of companionship.
With heightened abilities, Pickle smelled you before he saw you, and as soon as he laid eyes on you, he was unable to make a sound, simply getting into all fours again and bounding towards you at full-speed. Despite being weakened by the lack of nutrients, you slowly sat up onto your hands and knees before feeling yourself being tackled back to the ground, bodies rolling until the two of your slammed against a tree, Pickle's back took the blow and nearly uprooted the thing. He rolled again onto a patch of grass, still holding you comfortably in his arms until you were in a patch of grass, dropping you onto your back while he buried his face into your neck, starting to nibble onto any part of it that he can reach, sharp fang-like teeth scratching over your skin and leaving indents.
The door to this new enclosure is shut and on the outside, the cleaning procedure begins, but not without some scolding to the researchers who went against the higher-ups. Cucumber and Pickle did not seem to care about whatever was going on outside of them, far more focused on each other and keeping each other close.
From then on, Pickle cannot be more than a foot away from you, and he can only sleep when he's on top of you, shielding you from whatever threatens the outside.
The only scientists he allows inside the enclosure are small, fragile-looking women. He'd already killed a few of the male scientists who dared to enter, a warning and a threat. And recently, in hopes to appease the two primitive men and get back on their neutral sides, wild animals have been introduced into the enclosure, giving the illusion of a hunt for the both of you, and unfortunately, your enjoyment in fruit had been ruined thanks to the scientists and their cruel, cruel experiment.
You were only able to eat what Pickle hunted, and in another week, you looked more alive again, even helping with the hunt and relishing in Pickle's presence yet again. So far, it seemed that Pickle seemed to enjoy crocodile meat quite a lot, whilst you had your own preferences. And once you were back at a healthy level of energy, Pickle immediately recognized it and let his instincts win, one could not blame him for feeding into such carnal desires.
After an especially filling meal, you find yourself being hunted just like your previous meal, but it's the kind of hunt that gets the hair on the back of your neck standing. Your primitive partner growls at you in a suggestive manner and suddenly, he's chasing you around the enclosure, getting the adrenaline pumping in your veins and his. And when he's had enough, he's got you pinned down onto the ground, pulling at the loin cloth that keeps you from him until it comes off, making him toss it aside. He's hurried and hungry, yanking his own loin cloth off as you roll onto your stomach, eager for him to mount you, hardened cock swinging between your legs while a bead of pre dribbles out the top. You're on your knees, propping your body up in the ideal position for— breeding essentially.
Pickle is eager himself, lining his massively thick, veiny dick up with your rim, nearly growling at the anticipation as he presses the head against it and starts to push. Every part of the tanned man is large, including his third leg that was just a few inches over a foot in length and thick like a world record-breaking, sizable anaconda. He tried to force himself into you, but you push him out, obviously because it's been a while and it seems to frustrate the beast, eliciting a growl from him as he eyes your little hole with his brows furrowed. Everytime you breathe, it winks at him, almost like it's taunting him and you can't help but to grow frustrated, huffing at him from over your shoulder, but he can't stop staring at your hole, curious eyes drilling themselves into your ass.
Then, yet another instinct comes over him as he leans down, shoving his tongue past the first ring of muscle, the fat thing nearly longer than his cock. The sensation is strange but it only makes more pearls of pre dribble from your tip, your own cock seemingly throbbing as his wild tongue throbs around inside of you from behind, forcibly stretching you with its width. The muscle thrashes around inside of you, wildly moving about, darting in and out of you like an excitable puppy drinking water from a lake. His tongue movements are uncoordinated and hungry, so much to the point that it's darting about with no clear destination, even causing a few stray licks to the underside of your balls that makes you flinch every time.
Pickle isn't particularly sure what he's doing or why he's doing it, but he couldn't stop himself from feeding into the curiosity. It surprised you as well, considering he's never done to you before and you had never felt so good down there like this.
Shamelessly, a group of researchers and scientists were watching this ensemble unfold in real-time, gathered around with food in their hands like shameless perverts watching an adult film.
For science! They would most likely say, ignoring their own instincts to shove a hand in their pants at the scene in front of them.
The licking, although pleasant, was becoming too much and there was a buildup you were feeling in your shaft that had you panting like a dog, clawing at the ground and smashing your skull against the dirt. For some unknown reason, Pickle took your sounds as a signal of sorts and he remembered his own issue, heavy uncircumcised cock seeming to throb and lift with eagerness. Yet again, he pulls himself back to position himself properly, lining himself up with your hole and then pushes the tip in, a chirp of excitement escaping him as he plunges in deeper, going in about halfway before you feel as though the insides of your stomach are literally being rearranged. Fertile balls are pressed up against yours as he manages to jam every inch into your awaiting hole, somehow you're able to take every inch, an impressive feat within itself. Perhaps, this is why he took you as a lover. A flash of memories comes to mind to both you and Pickle.
. . .
Pickle had his share of sexual partners— instinctually he went after women, who he ultimately killed by accident after ripping through their wombs with the deadly length between his thighs. He had found a woman once, able to take him fully, but she did not recuperate his feelings and escaped him after a session of breeding. Eventually, Pickle stumbled upon Cucumber, a man of smaller stature than him, but strong in his own way. Their first meeting was anything but friendly, both of them going after the same prey of a Jurassic animal, looking for their next meal, fighting each other while simultaneously fighting the creature in hopes of getting meat. Ultimately, they ended up killing the beast together and bregrundingly shared, taking from the hunted beast without acknowledging each other much after.
But through unfortunate events, you continued to run into each other at different points in both of your traveling journeys, but continued to ignore each other regardless. And on one of those fateful meet-ups, however, Pickle had made a mistake— a mistake that brought on a sense of fear that he'd never once had to deal with before.
Consuming a wasp.
The pain he'd felt from it made him more vocal than ever, scaring away beasts and other people alike. However, Cucumber was not fearful, instead, he went a pang of sympathy for the man who he'd considered somewhat of a companion.
Immediately jumping into action, tapping into a nurturing side that he sometimes would ignore, he wandered hurriedly to the nearest lake of water, cupped his hands and gathered a healthy amount of it into his hands and wandered towards the other man. He growled at that primitive man who was still in excruciating pain, opening his mouth in an attempt to get the message across to him and with tears in his eyes, Pickle obliged, reminding Cucumber of a whimpering babe who was hungry for milk.
Dumping the handfuls of water into Pickle's mouth, you watched as he held the water in his mouth for a moment and then spit it out, along with the wasp, coughing up quite a storm. You frowned as he coughed, hesitantly patting his back afterwards, and after a while, you left to gather something to soothe the residual burning— fruits, which you forced Pickle to eat, despite his disdain for eating things that he did not hunt himself. But when he did as you wanted, the burn disappeared and you were ready to take your leave after helping him— only to have the man hot on your tail, everywhere you went, following you closely from behind.
Surprisingly, you didn't shoo him away, and that was what began the true extent of your strange relationship. It didn't take much longer before he would develop something new, love, and you returned the feeling. And in a moment of intimacy one late night, under the stars, he'd mounted you for the first time like a woman and breeded you under the moonlight. It was somewhat romantic, even with the guttural sounds of pleasure and delight that came from you both. And when you took him in his entirety without complaint, he was even more infatuated with you than he'd already been.
. . .
The primal man is grinning at this point as he's able to properly mount you, beginning to thrust at a pace that has your body rocking back and forth, his mouth and the area around it shiny with his own saliva as he plunges further. You're lucky you're stronger than the average and modern man, claws digging further into the dirt to keep yourself from toppling forward. Pickle is pounding into you, thrusting his hips with a tenacity that's enough to shake the trees around you, you're lucky your body is built for the brutality.
Watchful eyes are carefully observing, even going as far as to have a discussion onto why the two of you had chosen each other as mates since there was no chance of either of you reproducing. Then again, did reproducing matter much to the primitive people of your time? Apparently not, though Pickle seemed to be /breeding/ you as if it were indeed, possible.
Poor Cucumber was experiencing the true strength of Pickle's excitement, quite literally being fucked into the ground by a beast of mass destruction. The researchers collectively feel a sense of great respect for you as you handle the creature on top of you with gritted teeth, groaning and growling as you take every inch. It's a rough experience that leaves you teary eyed, wobbly lipped, and whining, just like all the other times he has his way with you. Pickle doesn't seem to let up, not even when your teeth chatter as a familiar and growing pleasure comes over you, blossoming in your hips and cock, strings of white spewing from your tip and onto the ground beneath you in spurts that seem to last far too long. Your cock seems to soften after cumming a second time, though it continues to twitch and swing with the pistoning of barbaric hips that continuously drive you forward. Squelching and the sound of skin repeatedly colliding is nearly as loud as the proud growls Pickle does, his chest vibrating with an animalistic equivalent of pride when you cum, squeezing his erection enough to milk him just right.
And fortunately, your poor hole doesn't need to take much more abuse before Pickle reaches his edge as well, unleashing copious amounts of his load into you, cum spilling out the edges where your bodies connected, dribbling out in the dirt like lines of salt. You'd felt full like this before, never able to get used to the feeling but still enjoying it regardless, a strange after result is the slight pouch in your lower belly that is made due to an immense amount of cum. Pickle holds himself there for a bit before pulling out and he's /still/ coming, ropes of the sticky white landing on your back and your rear, the insane amount he's dumped into you beginning to spill out and trickle from your gaping, spasming hole. Your lover lets out an affirmative, satisfied groan and then lays down onto the ground on his side right next to you. He wraps one of his lengthy arms around you and pulls you towards him, your chest neerly flush against his, and you rest your forehead against his shoulder, panting as you attempt to catch your breath, almost as if you'd been running after an especially fast prey. Pickle shuts his eyes and rests his chin on top of your head as he slowly shuts his eyes, having been drained of energy. It's not long before he's asleep and his body naturally locks in place around you, almost like a protective barrier. One of his legs is draped over yours, hooked behind your knees, his monstrous cock nestled between your thighs while yours is squeezed between your stomach and his abdomen, lower bodies entangled where it's almost difficult to distinguish between limbs. His arm is still wrapped around your back, the other had joined, slipping beneath you as his hands interlocked behind your back. This position is new, he's usually laying right on top of you when he sleeps, completely covering you up like a shell on the back of a turtle, making it nearly impossible to see you beneath him unless one looked from very specific angles.
You're tired as well, hole still leaking with Pickle's cum as your eyelids grow heavy. Your body is hot and sticky with sweat, making your skin stick to his, but you always find comfort in his presence, snaking your own arms around the massive man's body the best way you can before you drift off to sleep as well.
To the researchers and facility crew who are still watching on the security cams, they see the cuddling session as wholesome— despite the previous actions of you both— and nearly coo at the cuddling session.
Perhaps they would need to adjust their research and find different questions to think about...
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I want to break down a common point of conflict when addressing NPD stigma.
A lot of hangups people have tend to be along the lines of "but I DO see a lot of people with actual NPD who are acting in toxic or abusive ways".
This will be kind of long, so bear with me.
Point #1: People are way more likely to be diagnosed if they exhibit "stereotypical" symptoms.
There's this image of NPD as a disorder that is only present in those with patterns of destructive behavior towards others. Many therapists have this conception. (Shockingly, the mental health field is not perfect & without stigma.)
Gonna copy-paste this here from my other blog (so forgive me if you've seen it before), because it's a good example.
Three people are criticized at work. Their boss yells at them for their performance in front of everyone. Person A gets mad and defensive. They yell back, using cutting remarks as a way to try and ease the distress they feel. Person B acts really mature and responsible the whole time, nodding along and agreeing and promising to do better, just desperate to maintain and improve their status. Desperate to be liked. Later they go home and handle their distress through self-destructive means, and spend the next few months overworking themself to the point of illness. Person C doesn't seem to respond much at all. They go quiet and seem distant. They don't lash out or lash in, but for the next month or so, their productivity drops. They simply aren't able to focus on work or self-care, no matter how hard they try. The stress is overwhelming. All three of these people have the same root issues, but only the first would be labeled a narcissist. Outwards behaviors and presentations don't reflect the pain, distress, and difficulties with life that are underlying them.
So, three main things happen.
There ends up being a higher rate of people with destructive behaviors who are diagnosed with NPD
The people who don't particularly exhibit behaviors and are considered ""too nice to have it"" are overlooked entirely (and never get any sort of help for their underlying issues, yayyy)
People are more likely to be more honest about "ugly" symptoms / symptoms that are frowned down upon than they are in other mental health communities.
(Also some people decide to act super edgy about it, which is annoying but here we are. Some of them are trolls.)
(And while I'm at it, some people are misdiagnosed with NPD because a psych sees someone who committed a violent crime and is like "uhh slap them with the Evil Asshole™ disorders!! no further thought given.")
Point #2: People who have messed up are not inhuman monsters who deserve no help or support
While I do think it's important for people to understand that patterns of toxic behaviors aren't the ONLY way NPD can present, I'm not going to let the conversation stop at "some of us are nice though!!"
Human beings aren't RPG characters who can be sorted into "monster" or "ally". Every single person has done something hurtful, has messed up, exhibits some sort of behavior that puts strain on their relationships sometimes.
So I'll bullet point some aspects of this that need to be talked about.
People without NPD also commonly exhibit toxic behaviors, but people ignore that nowadays. Either they armchair diagnose anyone who's slightly rude, or they only focus on it in pwNPD and ignore it in themselves or others. NTs can be jerks too, and they're probably less likely to acknowledge it than pwNPD who are constantly watching and checking themselves and analyzing their behaviors and attempting to do better.
Assuming that NPD makes someone abusive doesn't help anyone. Can it impact behaviors, and make it more difficult for people to be self-aware? Of course. But an important step in healing from any mental health condition (especially personality disorders, ime) is realizing that you're not inherently ""bad"", and that you can take responsibility for your actions and learn to deal with things in constructive ways. Just going "NPD makes people bad, full stop"- other than being a mean shitty thing to say- absolves people of guilt and asserts that there's no reason for them to try and improve.
Yes, it's okay for people to hate their abusers. Their abuser. Not an entire community of people who happen to (maybe) share a trait with them.
Building on the above point, people tend to go in defense mode when they hear things like "pwNPD who have acted in toxic ways can learn to improve their behavior", "people shouldn't be saying awful things about folks with this condition", etc. because they automatically try to apply this to their abuser. Interpersonal situations are very different from society-wide mental health access. No, don't stay with your abuser expecting them to change, and don't hold onto the hope that they will. No, don't censor yourself or your hatred or anger towards them. Just don't make blanket statements about a disorder that they may or may not have- blame their abusive actions, not their mental health.
"I hate you for your abusive actions and the harm that you caused me." =/= "I hate a group of people because of an inherent unchangeable part of them that's tied directly to severe childhood trauma they suffered. Because of it, they're evil and unlovable and are incapable of change. They're inhuman and will never experience real connection with others." ..........See the difference??
Even if there were a disorder with a 100% rate of toxic douchey behaviors, I'd want the conversation around it to be changed. I'd want different words to be used to divide up the spaces and conversations and resources, so that survivors of abusive or toxic behavior can get help, but that the disorder still has space to be treated. Otherwise, there are zero resources for healing. Nothing is being done to help these people or solve the issue. They're just told they may as well not try. They're blocked from healthcare entirely, despite how the entire point of being diagnosed with a condition is supposed to be to treat it.
There's a wide range of people who have NPD- it presents in many different ways, a person who has it may or may not exhibit harmful behaviors- but no one deserves to be denied treatment or told they're unlovable because of a condition they have that was formed from trauma.
Speak out against abusive behavior. Don't destroy healthcare for a medical condition.
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ijwrsmff · 1 month
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Strawhats x Ex Admiral Reader (Part 3)
What happens when injuries inevitably happen near the one you love? That's what this is about, reacting to an injury, but I don't describe anything in overly gorey details, but I'm still adding the warning just in case! I got a request to continue these headcanons/short stories from a good few of you, both on here and archive so I hope you enjoy :D
Getting back into the swing of things, posting regularly again, and all that~ I may not be able to post EVERY day, but I'm hoping at least 2-3 a week. If I have the time, I'll push out more but for now I'm aiming for that 2-3 ^^
Have a great day/night everyone <3
Word Count: 3,518
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Luffy:
Being together had made you both happier than either thought possible
Luffy didn’t really do dates, but he made you feel special, as if every time you saw each other was a date
Singing along to Brook’s songs, sneaking into the kitchen together, playing tag even if no one else was playing
It was perfect
Though there were times you had to fight, as expected
This island seemed to be particularly swarmed with marines
Some of which you knew…they spotted you instantly and glared
That was how the fight started
They must have had hundreds stationed on this island, because no matter how many you knocked down there always seemed to be more
Luffy was close to your side, fighting with a smile on his face
He looked to you occasionally, and that was the problem
He was rushed, when he was looking right at you
You panicked, and pulled him closer to get him out of range of the attack
But it ended up slashing your arm that was around Luffy, causing blood to flood to the ground
It wasn’t a serious wound, but when Luffy realized what happened the smile disappeared from his face
He spun around and sent a flurry of punches towards the group
Within minutes the fight was over, quicker than it began
He rushed you back to the ship to see Chopper, and you tried to assure him it was no big deal
It was wrapped quickly, without even needed stitches
He stood in the room the whole time, with a complex expression
Once Chopper had left the room and you went to get back up only to be pushed back down to the bed by Luffy
“Don’t. Don’t EVER do that again.” He said, holding your hands while being careful of the scrape
“Luffy…it’s okay. It’s not that serious, I’ll be fine. I’ve had worse.” You tried to laugh it off but you were silenced when Luffy didn’t laugh, or smile even
“That’s not the point! If someone is gonna kill me, I want you to live. You better not die before me, or I’ll bring you back! Somehow…” He used his deep thinking face, and it always looked so cute to you
Realizing he was just worried about you, you reached up to cup his face and leaned forward to give him a kiss
“It’s okay Luffy…I’m okay, and I’m not leaving your side. Not now, and not ever.” 
He pouted and said a quick “You better not!” But it made you giggle, so you both started to laugh from that
You knew you couldn’t make that promise, because you felt the same way he did
Zoro:
Fighting was practically second nature to the both of you, and you felt as if you’d both grown stronger from the sparring you did daily
You had gone to the town and Zoro PROMISED he knew where he was going
He did not, and you knew it from the start but you weren’t going to ruin his moment
Somehow you ended up near a marine base, and he looked at it confused beyond belief
“Well this isn’t the restaurant…”
It made you giggle, that only got louder when he glared at you
“It’s okay, we can always head back. I remember how we got here.” You turned, but he pulled you close harshly as a bullet nearly grazed you
“They know we’re here.” Is all he said, pulling you behind him as he took out one of his swords
You grabbed your weapon, and prepared for battle, but he looked back to you with that sadistic smile he got when he was about to fight
“They almost hurt you. You’re not going to fight a single person, got it?” His look was serious momentarily, and you just knew he was about to show off
He lunged forward towards where the bullet came from, and fought enemy after enemy while never once letting them get within several meters of you
You sighed, and put your weapon away
That was your mistake
Someone came up behind you, and you sensed them too late as they swung at you, leaving a large gash along your back
You knew better than to let out a noise, never wanting to let your enemies know they’d gotten the better of you
You took care of the marine quickly, and looked around to find Zoro, who’d already beaten every other marine there was
You were hunched over a bit, and breathing heavily
As he approached, he rushed forward to catch you as you fell
When you woke up, you were back on the Sunny with Zoro hovering over you
He looked far beyond pissed, and it caused you to sit in silence as you both stared at each other
He broke the silence first, “I SAID LET ME TAKE CARE OF IT!” He sounded angry, but you knew not at you, it didn’t stop you from yelling back
“HOW WERE YOU GOING TO DO THAT? HE CAME UP BEHIND ME! YOU WERE SO FAR AHEAD OF ME, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE T-”
He lunged forward and pulled you into a kiss that dissolved both of your arguments
You both pulled back for air and he was still glaring, but it was much softer than before
“I won’t let you get hurt again. I swear.” 
It made you smile, just a bit as you gave him the affirmation of “I know you won’t.” 
He was to be the world’s greatest swordsman after all, and you knew if he couldn’t protect you the rest of your lives…he’d die trying
Nami:
You and Nami were both beyond pissed, having been stopped by marines as you shopped on the latest island
It was supposed to be just you two, a date night, and these guys were completely ruining it
You smiled, and talked with them casually, brushing off their all too familiar concerns of “have I seen you somewhere?” But one of them realized…
Within moments there was a fight that had erupted, and you both drew your weapons
It had started so suddenly, you hadn’t even had your weapon drawn when a shot rang out, piercing your shoulder as the blood began to flow
Despite that, Nami was your main priority…just like you were hers
She widened her eyes in fear, seeing your injury as she fought beside you until the marines had been taken care of
She let out a string of curses, and you shrunk in on yourself as she continued to look over at you with a glare as she dragged you to the ship
It was quiet, with you being too scared to look at Nami from how vicious her glare was
She was probably worried you were being reckless…that the injury could have been avoided
Chopper left the infirmary not long after, and it was just you two
You eventually glanced up to see Nami’s expression, and she was…crying?
“Na-” You went to say her name, only for the words to stop as she kissed you
You could feel her tears running down her cheeks against yours, and you pulled back
“Don’t. Don’t ever do that to me again. I don’t care what I have to do, even if I have to train more, I don’t want you ever hurt like this again, okay?” She spoke, the words seemingly full of venom at the start, just to become a fragile whisper by the end
She was worried about you, and you gave her a reassuring smile as you held her hand
“Don’t worry, I won’t let it happen again. I’m sorry I scared you…” But you spoke with a smile, the same one she fell in love with in the first place
And you both shared a quiet and affectionate moment after all of the adrenaline had subsided
Usopp:
Usopp was working in overtime, the two of you were surrounded by marines, and he didn’t feel like there was a good way out  of this
You were fighting close range, and he was trying to fend off the ones around you
It was difficult to time his shots, when you were moving quickly within the swarm of marines, but he knew…he knew
He knew that ever since you got injured to protect him the first time, he’d never let it happen again
As a marine was about to strike, he leapt forward and blocked the marine’s sword with his slingshot, effectively snapping it in half and slicing into his hand
You hadn’t registered what had happened, but when you saw the blood, you grabbed him and rushed to the ship
“U-Usopp! What the hell? Are you okay?” You were panicked, and he looked just as shocked as you felt
He let out a happy laugh, “You’re okay…that’s what matters.” He gave you a thumbs up, but felt his injured hand, “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!” He mumbled, before clearing his throat as if he wasn’t being a huge baby in this moment
It made your eyes soften, and you held his injured hand carefully, “Thank you…I’d say don’t do that again, but I’d do it for you too…so let’s just work to protect each other as much as we can!” 
He tried clearing his throat once more, a red covering his cheeks, “Y-Yeah. We’ll protect each other. But…” Despite his blush, he teased with a hint of mischievousness, “I’ll protect you way more than you can protect me.” 
It made you both laugh, and you leaned close to him with a confident smile that made his blush spread across his cheeks and ears, “You’re on.” Was all you had said, and he gulped, knowing there wasn’t any way to beat you in this little contest…
But he’d certainly try
Sanji:
It was supposed to be a routine sweep, you and Sanji grabbing the ingredients from the island you’d need for the next few days’ food…but nothing ever really went according to plan, did it?
You and Sanji had sensed something in the air, giving a small look to each other as the tension became crystal clear
The footsteps approached you both, and when you turned with a smile, it dropped quickly
It was one of the men you’d commanded when you were an admiral…and he looked less than pleased to see you
You had frozen, and he pulled out of gun, only for Sanji to leap at him
The gun went off, but far from its intended location of your head
Instead, it hit your side, causing bursts of blood to pool from your stomach
You and Sanji had both dropped your groceries and Sanji kicked the man hard enough to fling him across the street, making a dent in the brick wall of the building
He rushed back over to you, and picked you up effortlessly to run you back to the ship
He was a mess by the time you had passed out, and was still a mess when you awoke
He was still crying, and hadn’t realized you were awake until you’d reached out to run your fingers through his hair
He leaned forward, hugging you softly “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” He muttered, and leaned into your touch as you pulled him closer
“It’s okay, I promise. It could have been a lot worse. I’m here with you, right?” You smiled, though still weak as your eyes could barely stay open
He nodded, and said “Get as much sleep as you need. I’m not leaving your side.” 
“Sanji…who’s cooking?” You said, confused on how he could leave his kitchen unattended
“...I’ll leave your side briefly to make sure Luffy hasn’t eaten everything.” He groaned, but settled more into your hug, “You know what? Let him eat it all. This is more important.” 
It made your heart swell with adoration, and at the conviction in his voice, you couldn’t tell him to do otherwise
You wouldn’t have it any other way, really
Chopper:
Chopper was always the one to take care of injuries, but it made him feel vulnerable having been the one who caused it
It made him question everything, if he was really fit to be on this crew, when he watched you take a hit for him in the battle
His eyes widened, and tears welled, and he snapped to reality when he attacked the people who hurt you
You were there, laying on the ground and looking at Chopper in shock
He was attacking fiercely, and you were the one to stop him
“Hey…Chopper, buddy…” You said, trying not to startle him
He didn’t respond, so you continued, “Chopper, it’s okay, it’s okay, I promise I’m okay…” Though he didn’t stop
You finally took a hand and placed it on his shoulder
“B-But…but you g-got hurt.” He was crying, and you didn’t even realize it
He leapt into your arms, and hugged tightly, though being careful of your wounded leg
“I’m sorry! It’s my fault, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He cried into your shoulder, and you shushed him, rubbing his back slowly
“It’s not your fault, I’ve gotten injured before, you know! It’s not that bad.” You tried to pull him back slightly but he refused to allow it, holding you as closely as he could
“But…you’re my best friend.” He sniffled, and pressed his face against your shoulder, “I was scared you’d be mad at me for letting you get hurt, and wouldn’t wanna be my best friend anymore.” 
You smiled, this time making sure you could pull him back to look at his face, “That’s never gonna happen. You’re my best friend for life, you’re stuck with me, bud.” You smiled, and rubbed his head in the way that you knew best comforted him
“Promise?” He asked, looking anxious to hear the answer
“I promise, you could never do anything to make me hate you, or not be your best friend anymore.” 
He finally smiled, and gasped as he realized “WE GOTTA GO BACK TO THE SHIP YOU’RE HURT! YOU NEED A DOCTOR!”
You laughed, and waited for him to realize
“...I’M THE DOCTOR!” 
Robin:
Things were going…poorly to say the least
You were completely surrounded, and Robin’s calm expression was grim, fearing that neither would have a chance to get out of this unharmed
You both fought hard, but accidents were bound to happen
Not only you, but she was injured
You had both taken hits for the other, and while it minimize the damage physically, you were both far too worried about each other to consider it a win
You walked back to the ship, looking defeated but concerned for the other
It was silent, neither bothering with smalltalk right now
Robin took your hand, and you both held onto each other as you walked to her room
“Are you okay?” You said simultaneously
It would have made you both laugh, but it was far more important to make sure each other was okay
Though giving a small smile, Robin started to check on your injuries, “Wait! Your injuries are worse, let me-” You went to walk towards her but she pushed you back down onto the couch
“I’ll be fine, I’m more worried about you.” She continued to inspect you, noting which injuries looked worse than the others
“But-” 
“No. I’m making sure you’re fine, first. I know that I’m fine, so let me make sure you are too.” She smiled at you softly, and spoke in the commanding kind of way that had you listen to pretty much anything she said
“Okay…” You said, and you both knew you’d folded
After a while of checking your injuries, she kissed a couple of them
You looked at her shocked, but she continued, making you give her a wide smile
“You’re really cheesy.” You said, but you loved every second of it…she knew that, too
She didn’t respond, and eventually sat next to you, so you could give her the same treatment
You’d both make sure you stayed safe, and always look out for each other
She may fight like a demon, but she was the kindest person you knew, and had her by your side through all of it
You could only hope she knew you’re the same way for her
Franky:
While he promised to never let anything hurt you, it was clear that you had the same intention
The fight reflected that, and you assessed the situation…knowing it was one of you get hurt or the other
And you weren’t about to let it be him
It wasn’t a severe injury, but he looked panicked
From then on in the fight, he couldn’t stop looking at you, hoping you were okay
You had to keep redirecting his attention to his opponents, fighting some of your own
When it hardly worked, you had to try a different tactic
“Franky! If you lose this fight I won’t kiss you for a week!” You screamed, knowing you’d kiss him anyways
Though…that certainly did the trick, and he brought his attention back to the fight as he used as much of his attention and power as he could, safely
The fight was over before you knew it, and you laughed as Franky rushed over to you and picked you up
“You were kidding…right? You wouldn’t NOT kiss me…right?” He swayed between confidence and sheepishness, and it only made you smile and look away 
“Who knows, better not get injured in any fights from now on or you’ll just have to see.” You had the hardest time keeping your laughter, especially when he gasped
“You wouldn’t dare!” He sounded completely unsure of his statement, and walked back to the ship as quick as he could
“I would if it meant you didn’t get injured again.” You laughed, and gave him a playful smile so he’d finally know you were entirely joking
He scoffed, “Don’t tease me like that! Or I’ll have to tease you even more than I already do!” He grinned, and set you down on one of the benches on the deck of the ship “You really really don’t wanna see how much I’ll tease you for this!” 
You stuck your tongue out at him, crossing your arms as you challenged him, “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. But if you tease more, I’ll really have to up my game and tease you more, too. Do YOU wanna see for yourself?”
He looks away, grumbling, and you both knew you’d won this “argument”
Though playful bantering kept things interesting, and neither of you would trade it for the world
Brook:
The battle started so suddenly, neither of you had anticipated just how quickly it escalated
You were panting heavily, struggling to keep Brook from getting injured while staying somewhat safe, yourself
He called out your name, and you turned too late
A harsh blow had been landed to your back and shoulder, and you passed out within moments
You had no idea how long you’d been unconscious, but the first thing you noticed was the music playing across the room from you
Your eyes fluttered open, and you looked around, seeing only Brook in the infirmary with you
“Hey…” You said, softly, causing him to halt his song ad rush over to you
He would have cried if he could have, and held your hand as softly as he was capable of with how relieved he was you had woken up
He hadn’t even spoken, when Luffy rushed into the room, “You’re up! He’s been playing the whole time you were asleep, you-” And he was halted as a hand wrapped around his mouth from his shoulder, and another pair of arms pulled him from the room
“Ah…yeah…it’s been a little while. I missed you, I was worried you wouldn’t wake back up.” He spoke softly, and ran his thumb across your hand as he held it
“How…how long?” You said, almost scared to know the answer
“...four hours.” You could have heard a pin drop across the ocean, and you were so shocked you laughed a bit
“Brook! I was so worried you were gonna say years or something!” You tried to stop laughing, but still dissolved into giggles before calming down
“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on leaving you anytime soon. You’re stuck with me, you know.” You said, and pulled him down so you could give him a small and reassuring kiss
“Oh! I started writing a song for when you woke up!” He said, and laughed as if to cover up how flustered he was over the situation
“...in four hours? You never cease to amaze me.” You smiled, and it made him give his signature laugh as he took a step back to play the song
He played…maybe three notes
“Is…uh…is that it? It’s beautiful!” You said, and his shoulders slooped
“I was so worried I could barely write…I never said it was done.” 
You grabbed his arm and pulled him closer again, “It’s beautiful, and I can’t wait to hear it whenever you finish it. I love you, my silly musician.” 
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mediumgayitalian · 6 months
Text
part one
———
Finding parking is, as expected, hard, largely in part because Michael wants to get them all killed.
“— yeah, that’s right, shitwad! Back off! We were here —”
“Will you please shut the fuck up,” Lee hisses, jamming the switch for Michael’s window. Unfortunately, Michael is sticking his fucking head out of it, so it won’t close.
“This fucking guy! This fucking guy thinks he can swoop up to our spot —”
“Motherfucker we’re in Wilmington, do you want to get fucking shot —”
“He can wait his godsdamn turn like everybody else! Hey, fucker —”
He succeeds, finally, in yanking his brother back in by the scruff of his neck and speeding away from the shitwad in question.
“I can’t believe you let him walk all over us!”
“If I end up with a bullet hole through my windshield, I am kicking your ass, Michael. I won’t need to worry about some trigger happy mortal taking you out. I’ll kill you.”
“Drama queen. Now we’re never gonna find a damn spot.”
They do, in fact, find a damn spot. Within forty-three seconds of Michael saying that, actually, Will points out not just a parking spot but a pull-through, which Lee takes, smirking. Michael aims a kick for his knee.
“Go help Will unbuckle, you bitter bitch. I gotta grab something.”
Ignoring both Michael’s grumbling and Will’s insistence that he can unbuckle himself, thank you very much, Lee jogs over to the trunk. He grabs his and Michael’s bows, just in case, and carefully grabs the bundle of roses he bought from the stand across from his apartment. The stems are a little crushed, but the flowers all seem fine, full and bright, sunny yellow. Even the paper is relatively uncrinkled, folding delicately around the thorny leaves.
Michael nods when he sees them. “Nice.”
“Thanks.” Lee tosses him his bow, slinging his own over his back. It flickers with his quiver under the Mist, settling eventually to look like a small backpack. “Got ‘em this morning.”
“Can I hold them?” Will asks.
“Sure, kiddo.”
He lays them gently in his arms, the same way Cass has taught him to bundle herbs and plants when they gather for poultices. Every step is suddenly much more deliberate, avoiding potholes and cracks in the pavement so he doesn’t trip and crush them under his body. When he nearly walks in front of a car, not paying attention, Michael plants a hand on his head, guiding him around like a claw machine.
“Okay,” Lee says, holding open the door. “Let’s find Diana.”
The lobby is crowded. There are people everywhere — families, grandparents, and of course dozens of dancers, shining hair pieces glinting in the low lights, tutus and rhinestones peeking out of studio sweatsuits. Faces heavy with stage makeup bleed into each other. The building is abuzz with sound, chatter and laughter and shouting and twenty different songs playing at once. Lee can hardly believe they’re all fitting in the same building, and almost convinces himself it’s actually enchanted, smaller on the outside. He glances down when Will backs into him, flowers clutched tighter to his chest, and rests a firm hand on his shoulder. He hooks his finger around Michael’s hoodie, too, and for once he doesn’t complain.
“You see her?” he shouts over the noise. Or, well, Lee’s pretty sure that’s what he said. He shakes his head, anyway, and Michael scowls, standing uselessly on his tiptoes. Even if that didn’t put him just barely over most people’s shoulders, the throng of people is too thick to see much. People elbow and push each other around to meet up with family members, and groups of dancers do their best to practice their routines in what limited space is available. Lee has felt less claustrophobic in Times Square at Christmas.
In a stroke of brilliance, in his very humble opinion, he lets go of Will’s shoulder, puts both hands under his arms, and hauls him over his head, settling him on his shoulders.
“Keep an eye out,” he shouts.
Will grins, tugging on Lee’s hair with his free hand in confirmation.
One hand clamped over Will’s knees, the other still hooked on Michael’s hoodie, Lee starts to wade through the crowd. He can start to see, as he gets farther from the door, the entrance to the stage, the ticket stands, the coat check. Several banners hang temporarily from the ceiling and stick to doorways, welcoming them all to the Twenty-Sixth Annual Believe Dance Comp!, and a table laden with trophies sits proudly by the stage doors.
Sitting under one of the banners, Lee notices a group of girls of varying ages, all wearing the green and purple Stage Lights Dance Academy Cass sometimes wears. He guides them closer, scanning each stage makeup-ed face to try and find his sister, but stops short before he gets too close.
Two girls, sitting at the head of the group, mime twisting their hair, exaggeratedly anxious looks on their faces. The rest of the girls roar with laughter.
Lee feels something heavy settle in his stomach.
“You think anyone will come for her?” a younger girl asks, hushed so that Lee can barely hear her over the crowd.
One of the older girls snorts. “Are you kidding? The only way her mom will come is if there’s an open bar!”
Lee is reminded of the one and only time he’d fought a group of empousai. There’d been a trio of them a Central Park, on a field trip he’d gone on with his ninth grade class, surrounding one of the oak dryads. They’d crooned at her, tugging on her leafy hair and trailing clawed fingers down her handmade dress, calling out backhanded compliments. But Lee’s skin felt like it was crawling, he remembers, and the dryad had been tense, green tears building in her eyes. Every bleat of their laughter had grated his ears, and he’d snapped, eventually, ripping off his bow and picking them off one by one. The third one had seen him, chasing him away from his group, but he’d been so mad that he wasn’t even scared. The dryad hadn’t done anything. They got nothing from poking at her. They’d just done it to be cruel, because it was fun for them.
“I don’t even know why she has the gall to show up. She missed the final practice.”
“Miss Breanna likes her, that’s why,” one of the girls scoffs. “Of course she can skiff off practice and still compete. She thinks she’s so much better than us.”
Michael shifts forward. Lee throws out an arm to stop him, shooting him a warning look.
“You think anyone’ll take your side?” he murmurs.
“They’re talking about —!”
“I know, Michael.”
“They can’t talk about her like that!”
“I know, Michael.” He forces his jaw to unclench. “I know.”
“Yeah, well, favourite or not,” another dancer says wickedly, “her seats will be empty again. And she’ll walk out empty-handed and alone, like she always does.”
Most of the adults milling about the lobby hold flowers, like they do. Except unlike them, their bouquets are large, unlike them the stems are not crushed, unlike them they are wrapped in ribbons, in embroidered banners. One is, even, shaped as a ballet slipper, and Lee notices the oldest girl in the group, the one who made the joke about Cass’s mother, eyeing it, smirking.
He pictures Cass holding it next to all the other girls from her studio. With their big, normal families, their wide smiles, their fancy cameras, their beautiful, expensive bouquets. Pictures the smirks that will be sent her way, the whispers. They can’t — gods, what was he thinking?
“What time is it?” he asks.
Michael glances at his watch. “Quarter to.”
“Hm.”
In her frantic IM, yesterday, Diana had ordered them to be here by noon. From what little he knows about dance competitions, Cass’s performance will be sometime after that, nestled among the many. When exactly, he doesn’t know.
If they leave now, wagering, they could miss it. And that would be the worst thing of them all. But…
“Will,” he says, suddenly getting an idea. “C’mere.”
He reaches up and sets Will back on the ground, clutching his hand as he weaves through the crowd, beelining for the far corner. He stops at a sign with a little stick person on it, gently taking the flowers from Will’s hold and passing them back to Michael.
“Listen to me carefully.” He crouches to Will’s level, meeting his eyes. “Diana is — somewhere, in there, getting Cass ready. Michael and I can’t go in there. We need you to go in and act really confused.”
“That will be very easy, because I am confused,” Will protests. “Why do I have to go in there? I don’t even really know why we’re here!”
“Just — go in,” Lee insists. “Trust me. If I give you more instructions, it’ll ruin it.”
Huffing, Will goes.
“Brilliant,” Michael mutters. “Lose the kid and Diana. Great plan, Lee.”
“Come on, does no one trust me?”
“No one knows what you’re doing, dude! You hang around Carter for five minutes and suddenly you think you’re Mr. Plan Guy —”
Lee flushes. “That is not what this is about!”
“I am not missing this! I swear Lee, if we’re late —”
“We’re not gonna be late!”
“Why is it that every boy on Earth is actually stupid,” hisses a new voice. The change room door busts open, damn near cracking under the heel of a heavy boot, and Diana comes striding out behind it, Will perched on her hip. Her short dark hair sticks out in every which way, shoulders tense as a line, mouth twisted in a scowl. Immediately, Lee and Michael snap their mouths shut.
“Hey,” Will complains, pouting.
She adjusts her hold on him, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Not you, sweetpea. Only Thing One and Thing Two, over here.” She glares at them. “Why did I find him wandering around in the change room? I told you to wait for me in the lobby! I swear you two want to — ruin this!”
“Hey,” Lee says, flinching back. “You know we don’t, Diana. That’s not fair.”
She scrubs a hand down her face, sighing. “I know. I know. I’m sorry. It’s just —” She presses another kiss to Will’s cheek and sets him down, leaning on the doorframe. “It’s been a rough morning. She keeps trying to call her mom, and — well.”
Lee hates that those girls were right. He hates it. He hates that they’ve been right before, that Cass has walked off the stage, face blank, alone. Hearing their giggling, probably. Twisting her hair around her fingers as she tries to hold it together.
His jaw tightens.
Not this fucking time.
“What time is Cass on?” he asks
“…Her solo at one-thirty,” Diana says. “But —”
“Great.” Lee grabs each brother’s shoulder, pulling them back. “We won’t be late, Diana, I promise.”
“Wait! Lee — dude, what are you —”
“We’ll meet you inside! Save us seats!”
“Lee! Get back here!”
“Seats!” Lee calls, glancing back. He makes a vague gesture in return to her incredulous, spread-wide hands, trying to convey the Situation. “We won’t be late! Promise!”
“I’ll kill you if you are!” she relents. “Be fucking back on time!”
��——
In hindsight, it would have been smarter to take the car.
For whatever reason, both Lee and Michael assumed there would be a flower stand just outside the theatre. Neither of them had seen one on the way in, but it made sense. If Lee had a flower business, he’d probably put it next to a theatre. Where else would you put it?
Regardless, there isn’t anything close across the street, or even on the whole block. Will sits on his shoulders again, because it’s easier than trying to guide him, and every so often he glances at the watch Beckendorf made him, calling out the time.
“Will,” Lee begs, veering around a street corner, “you are not helping.”
“I am so!” He checks his watch again. “Twenty-seven minutes ‘til Cass starts. That’s why we’re here, right? To watch Cass dance?”
“So long as we make it in time,” Michael stresses. “Shit, Lee, maybe we should just head back. The flowers we have are fine —”
“Cass deserves more than fine.”
Michael snaps his mouth shut. “I know that.”
Lee slumps. “I — know you know. Sorry.”
Their steps fall in synch, footsteps making level prints in the light dusting of snow. On occasion a passing car drowns them out, but for the most part the only sound is their breathing, and Will picking at his nails. The shifting of their jackets.
“You’ll never undo it, Lee.” The road cross button makes a heavy click noise under Michael’s fist. The countdown for the walking man is loud, four, three, two, one. Three of the little lights are broken, making it look like its chest is cracked open. “There’s some shit you just can’t fix.”
“I’m not trying to — fix her,” he argues weakly. “I’m just…”
He can’t push away the horrible ache in his chest. The rapidly expanding feeling, the sinking chasm of expecting and hoping and being disappointed. Of looking out into the crowd to find a familiar face and not finding one. Of hearing giggles as you walk past and clenching your teeth, knowing. It balloons, pushing out on his ribcage, forcing its way up his throat.
Michael stops, arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed. Lee stares at a spot at the air above his shoulder, swallowing roughly, biting the inside of his cheek hard enough to taste blood.
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“You are, Lee. You think competing with those assholes is gonna — go back? Gonna magically bring her fucking — hell, bring Dad?”
Lee looks away. “Of course not.”
“We’re going to be there. That’s what matters, isn’t it? That’s what’s really important.”
“Oh, to hell with high horses, Michael. I’m fucking tired of — of pretending it’s okay!” He starts forward again, ignoring the twinge of pain in his skull when Will grips his hair, yelping at the sudden surge forward. Michael jogs to keep up. “It’s — fight these monsters, train these kids, lead your cabin. Ignore the fact that your dad couldn’t be assed to visit a few times a year, he’s an Olympian, after all, you understand. Well, I’m tired of it! I’m tired of —” he trips over a crack in the sidewalk, barely catching himself — “I’m tired of being so damn understanding!”
For a moment Michael says nothing. Lee’s breathing is heavy, shakey, and it takes effort to still the tremble in his hands.
“The girl,” Michael says eventually. “The prissy one, who sat closer to the door.”
“…What about her?”
“I just.” He chews at his bottom lip. “I’m not saying I disagree with you, dude, but you have issues, dude, and shit you need to work out. For real. Besides just —” he gestures broadly at the mostly empty street — “ranting into the air.” Slowly, a smirk spreads across his face. “It would be really, really funny to see her face if Cass walks out with a bouquet three times the size of hers, wouldn’t it.”
Lee matches his grin. “It would be.”
“Betcha she’d seethe.”
“Probably turn purple.”
They turn to each other, finally back in synch.
“Nineteen minutes,” Will pipes up.
Lee startles. He checks his own watch. “Oh, shit. Let’s go.”
———
part three
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