#was like “okay be cool puppeteer just make the joke puppeteer”

[theobs3ssivepuppeteer]

TINY GHOST SUPREMACY LES GOOOOOOO🦅✨✨✨

TINY GHOSTS SCREAAHHHH 🦅🦅🦅🦅

[factual-fantasy]

28 asks! Thank you very much!! :}} ✉️

(Referencing this post)

I was thinking that the world of welcome home and the human world both exist, but they aren't connected by a TV show. :0 The puppet world is very real to them and they are real living people. The thing is is that there's no TV show of welcome home, that's just their lives-

Eddie is from our world/the human world. Which is where his hallucinations of having 5 fingers and human skin comes from-

@candyglumboy (Referencing this post)

Midori is my Meowscarada! :0 He's friends with Grim and Sylvester :))

(Referencing this post)

XDD Just a playful NOM

@fawncr33k

Yes yes! I screenshot them :00 I then paste them into FireAlpaca and add the watermark :) 👍👍

@bellanova137 (Referencing this post)

Oh!- In my AU Eddie was one of the most recent neighbors :00 this was his first time at the yearly Christmas party because it was the first one he was around for! <XDD

Thinking he moved in sometime right after Christmas last year. Which gave him and Frank a good year to get to know each other and be on first name basis :0 Which is why Frank doesn't call him Mr. Dear in my comic! :)

(Of course present day is a few years after this comic--)

Oof, yeahhh that was a comic script that I went to edit but accidentally posted- 💀

Thank you for the name suggestions though! I still haven't decided on what it'll be <XDD

XDDDD Hurray!! (Sorry!!--) I hope you enjoy your stay in the fandom! :DD

Also thank you so much!!! :)) I'm so glad you've liked my artwork!! :DDD

It would be watching anyone that repaired it :00

There was actually an idea that back when Barnaby was going to be the second ever neighbor in the neighborhood.. he almost bought home and restored it himself. The reason why he didn't though is because Home was just too small for him. The front door was too short, he'd have to duck though every doorway and the ceilings were too low..

Why would he wanna spend all this time and money on fixing up an old house that's too small.. when he can just spend that money on buying whatever lot he wants and building a house that actually fits him? So that's what he went with..

But if Barnaby had bought home and fixed it up. it's be the same thing as Wally... weird insomnia, anxiety attacks.. feeling like you're being watched while you sleep... etc..

As for their world, I only really had the forest surrounding the neighborhood in mind. Its a HUGE forest that goes on for miles and miles. I haven't decided how far away Julies sisters/brother live but I should really work on them 💀

As for Home, so far Home is the only creature of its kind :0 none of the other houses are alive and it stands as the only strange entity around the neighborhood.

And when it comes to neighborly mysteries and secrets, so far Eddie being human and Julie's secret past is all i got <:///

Oh yeah for sure! My Barnaby is much more mellow than in canon it seems- in my AU he doesn't butt heads with Julie at all! :0 In fact she's a really good friend of his. She has some pretty flat jokes but Barnaby appreciates her attempts and they usually get a genuine laugh out of him XDD

As for Frank, its like a SpongeBob and Squidward situation. They just have different personalities and different senses of humor.. and that's okay! Barnaby likes to crack some stupid jokes to kind'a poke at Frank for the fun of it, but he never goes too far. And the jokes are never personal or insult his interests. They're just really dumb jokes that make Frank roll his eyes XDD

At the end of the day, Barnaby considers Frank to be his friend. And Frank would never admit it, but he sees Barnaby as his friend too :)

I had a very small brain moment and only realized just now that I cut out the askers name by accident 💀 my bad!

Also hey these names aren't too bad! <XDDD Abaolson sounds kind'a cool in my opinion! :00

Oh- well actually I'm only doing Pokémon from the Unova region with a handful of exceptions. So I don't have to worry about Gyarados, Milotic or Onix. At least for now :00 I might make an exception for Gyarados.. so when it comes to long snakey Pokémon I have Serperior and Eelektross to worry about..

As for Ninjask, I imagine I'll do something similar to what I did with Chandelure :00

@glitchhayden418

WHOMPST??

(In response to this post)

AAA YES YES! :DD A "I thought I lost you/I could have lost you" hug!! AAAA I'm so glad that translated well! :))

And actually- I began sketching out the comic 👀👀👀 although I got hung up on the battle scene and need to go back for some resketching 😅

(In response to this post)

Well of course! :D Angst isn't fun if there's no comfort 😌

@littlemisspostit

ESKJFOSIJFIOSJ HYUCKS??? THATS THE BEST THING EVER XDDD

Upon googling him, maybe I could! :0 Maybe he could be a friend of one of the neighbors that lives a few neighborhoods over?

@viennaarttt (The post in question)

Ohhh I see! :0 That was a joke post mostly <XD But if it did happen I can see Barnaby hanging up and calling back to try to wake up Wally 💀

Awwe <:)) This was very sweet, thank you.. I'm getting a lot of comments saying that people liked my old Gravity Falls stuff. Its helping me feel a bit better about all of it <:)

I will probably keep those posts privated for my own comfort,, but now with no worry of people finding my old artwork,, it clears the way for potential NEW Gravity Falls artwork! :0 This time with better written angst <XDDD

@danman22ful

I've watched all of Markpliers videos on it! :D And I gotta say its.. well its something that's for sure! <:D Its refreshing to see a character with both parents living and in a loving relationship ngl- I feel like I never see that nowadays <XD

I searched around for a bit and couldn't find much info on this actually <:0 I saw a Wally with red hair and a blond Frank..? Is this like an opposite personality's AU..?

@famouslysleepy

In my AU Frank and Eddie are just friends :0 mostly because I don't like writing romantic stuff for characters that aren't my own.. plus exploring platonic bonds is much more interesting to me :)

As for Eddie and Home, this comic shows a bit of Eddies problem with it- just like Wally he has the blood chilling feeling of being watched by something..

And even after the party, going near Wally's house makes Eddie feel uncomfortable and anxious.. its just all a matter of feeling you're being watched by something or someone..

XDD If I had a had a nickel for every time someone told me they were shocked to find out I'm in a fandom they love,, I'd be rich!

Also thank you!! :DD I'm glad you liked it! :DDD

aw <XD well this is bitter sweet to read since I've privated most of my Gravity Falls stuff.. but its nice to hear that you enjoyed it all <:) Thank you!

I use FireAlpaca, its in my FAQ in my pinned post! :0

I'm actually hearing bad things about it believe it or not- talks about Ford acting super out of character and what not.. My curiosity is peaked 👀

[oikoraart]

I might explode if I don't share this, so here goes an unhinged rant/theory that has to do with the Book of Bill. brace yourself!!

ALRIGHT SO background: yesterday I read a post talking about Silas Birchtree being one of the best iterations of "Bill using a human body as a flesh puppet" (agreed), and somewhere (I can't recall if it was op or a comment I'm sorry) there was this joke about Bill having a thing for people with tree surnames. and I was like haha funny yeah, and then moved on with my day.

but NOW IT HIT ME.

IT'S NOT SIMPLY TREES, OR LIKE, ANY KIND OF TREE.

HE FIRST WENT FOR A GUY WITH THE SURNAME BIRCHTREE. BIRCH. YOU KNOW, THAT WHITE TREE THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HAS EYES ALL OVER???

AND THEN, OH THEN HE WENT FOR PINES. A PRETTY TRIANGULAR-LOOKING TREE IF YOU ASK ME.

AND- OKAY I'M PROBABLY JUST REACHING HERE BUT HEAR ME OUT.

DOES HE,, DOES HE HAVE SOME SORT OF STRONGER INFLUENCE/PULL TOWARDS THINGS THAT SOMEWHAT RELATE TO HIM?? (not really sure why he'd go for trees* twice but- TRIANGLES, EYE(S), BILLS?, CIPHERS)

AND YOU MIGHT BE THINKING "nah he's just that badly egotistical, he picks like that on purpose" AND AT FIRST I WAS ALSO GOING TO JUST SIT WITH THAT CONCLUSION (and not write this post) BUT LIKE ACTUALLY NO THAT'S NOT IT.

BECAUSE alright let's say for the sake of argument that Bill could've had anyone else with a big brain and self-esteem issues construct his portal (debatable) and he just happened to choose Ford because "ehehe surname relating to me and birth defect too"...

BUT HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN SILAS???

THE GUY JUST RANDOMLY DIED. HE CHOKED ON A COIN THAT HE TOSSED AFTER FAILING TO MAKE BUSINESS IN THAT TOWN. JUST THEN DID BILL KICK HIS LITTLE CULT-FOR-PORTAL-CONSTRUCTION PLAN INTO MOTION, WHICH, NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, WAS DESTINED TO FAIL FROM THAT CHOICE ALONE.

HERE it is WAY harder to make the argument that he could've picked anyone from the town because, unless he was planning to fail on purpose, why would he choose a rotting body as a host?? it makes no sense: it puts a time limit to get it all done before the body is completely useless. it doesn't make any sense unless that was his only option. maybe he was already planning on entering the guy's dreams but then he just dropped dead and Bill went "ah shit. well, time to work with what we have, I guess!"

SO! in short, I believe that whoever Bill uses as his puppet/anchor to this world has to meet the requirement of somehow relating to him (his imagery and/or motifs), not just out of preference, but because it's a must, some sort of limitation or arbitrary rule that he has to follow, for him to be able to get to you.

...and personally I think that THAT'S SO COOL AND INTERESTING OMG MR. HIRSCH YOU ARE SUCH A BIG BRAINED MAN-

SO YEAH. I might be going a little insane. perhaps. cheers to that!!

now I have to figure out how/if this rule checks out with Alex Hirsch himself because (canonically? I think?) Bill has controlled him before and (iirc) is implied to still be tethered to him in some way

*the only explanation I can think of for trees would be the fact that [tree -> three -> triangle] but like idk that might be too far. or maybe that's precisely why he can only go for things related to specific trees, like [birch = tree + eyes] and then [pines = tree + triangular shape]. maybe the rule is even more complex than I first thought... hmmm

[koolaidoverliving]

HOW THE PASTAS TEXT

(IN MY AU AT LEAST this is a joke post but it goes with my AU because they all have a groupchat LMFAOOO)

Jeff: "I hate you all" "I'm going to kill myself" "SHUT THE FUCK UP" (gets bullied in the groupchat and has to defend himself constantly)

Jack: "how do i mute the groupchat" "ok" "?" (he never speaks there, replies to messages as shortly as possible.)

Toby: "Godmronjng" "Ijust got chased by a bear ." "no im not jokign i lost a finger" (sends random picture of his bleeding hand)

Lulu: "Hello." "Good morning, everyone. Send message how do I send the message is the message sent yet Jack is the message sent" (uses the voice feature because she cannot see the keyboard)

Clockwork: "WHY ARE THERE STILL BEARS OUTSIDE" "WHAT HAPPENED TO GETTING RID OF THEM" (sends angry voice messages in russian)

Ben: "yo" "lmfaoooo" "bruhh jeff ate all the cereal again 😭" (gamer speak 24/7, spreads rumours about everyone)

Sally: "Hoi :3" "O_O" "Can we go to the park today 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺" (excessive emoticons and emojis)

Lazari: "Your all mean" "What" "Kill you're self!" (grammar is nonexistent to her)

Nina: "haiii !" "@Jeff I LOVE YOU !! 🥰" "GUYSSS COME HERE" (shares random stories, pictures, and videos)

Bloody Painter: "🙂" "hi" "ok" (...dry as hell)

The Puppeteer: "hi helen" (only replies to helen's text messages)

Judge Angels: "Hello everyone 😊" "Understood 👍" (yeah she's just nice to everyone)

Candy Pop: "As the beauteous Sun peeked up on the horizon, I too arose from my slumber and declared that today shall be a blessed day." "Wherefore art thou tarnishing mine rights to speak?" (shakespearean... can't use tech so he makes nathan type everything for him)

Jason: "no you cannot 'take my mice' D:<" "what does 'kys' mean? "...U_U" (he likes using emoticons)

Nathan: "what the fuck are you all talking about???" "okay cool" "BYE" (muted the groupchat as soon as he got added)

Sadie: "hiii" "oh" "🥹" (too scared to send anything because she's shy but lucy sometimes types on her account)

Nurse Ann: "???" "Girl no." "Boy stop that." (she calls everyone girl or boy.)

Zero: "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CAPS LOCK" "MY WORDS ARE SIMPLY MORE POWERFUL THAN YOURS" (only speaks in caps)

Kagekao: "Good evening." "I hope we're all doing well." "Oh no, I assure you I'm not that formal." (yes he is)

X-Virus: "bruh" "who hasn't given me their blood yet?" (only uses the groupchat for his monthly check ups)

Kate: (she doesn't send messages, she just reacts to messages with emojis or sends pictures of her live reactions)

liu and jane not included bc they don't live in the town

lj not included bc he doesnt get rights to a phone

[ieatkeyboard]

Luxiem Boys Reacting to You Getting Your Period

Warnings: AFAB, Nicknames Beautiful/Gorgeous, bLERRRRRD(Blood), Suggestive at the beginning. Also I feel like I've posted something like this before but I can't find it on my page anywhere so- Idk

VOX: He kisses your shoulder as your legs begin to shake. "There we go...Good Pet..." He took you in his arms and carried you too the bathroom and when he sat you down to run the bath, you noticed the blood on your thighs. You sighed and he put his hand under the water. "What is it, My Love?" "I um...Got my period." - He'd hold your hand and take a washcloth from the counter, gently wiping the blood away with cool water. - He'd set you in the bath and wash you off, praising you and telling you not to be embarrassed - He'd wrap you in a towel, run a brush gently through your hair, give you kisses here and there - He grabs you a pair of underwear and one of his shirts and lets you do your thing (Your choice whether you use tampons or pads) - He'd carry you back to bed and rub your back under a heating blanket - You're boutta have the best sleep of your life - He handles your mood swings well! He gives you space when your upset and holds you when you're sad

MYSTA: You rest your head on his chest as you catch your breath, you're boyfriend laying under you, rubbing circles into your hips. "You did really good...Wow.." You chuckled and kissed his cheek and then you felt it. a lot of hot liquid run out of you. "Did you just cum again or?-" You groaned. "I was supposed to get my period today. I'm so sorry." "You're what?" You explain as you sit up and the second he sees blood he panics. "DID I DO THIS??" - You know he means well and he tries to help however he can - He gives you chocolate and fills your hot water bottle - You guys watch a movie of your choice and answer any questions he has - He handles your mood swings kinda well- If you cry he hugs you and laughs when you explain why you're sad but his laugh is cute so it cheers you up. When you're mad he'll take a stuffy off your bed and do a little "puppet show" so you stop giving him the silent treatment :,)

LUCA: You went to stand up but your boyfriend wrapped his arms around your waist, kissing your back. "Mmmm...So soft" You giggled and rubbed his forearms "I need to go to the bathroom, Cutie" You turned on the lights of the bathroom and as you sit down you see the blood on your thighs. "Ugh..Are you kidding me-" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" You ran back to your bedroom to see Luca's abdomen and well...y'know...covered in blood. You felt humiliated. "Hey! It's okay! I mean- Uh- Are you okay?? You don't need to be embarrassed! It's alright!" - You two shower together and he holds you close, wrapping you in a towel and covering your face in kisses - He snuggles you in bed, makes you food and whatnot (Thankfully not killing the kitchen in the process) - I'd also like to think that if you're into the kitchen and you lean over the counter because cramps can go CHOKE ON GLAS- He presses himself against you and rubs your lower back (I'M SCREAMING OH MY LORDY LORD) - He handles your mood swings. Period. He tries his best- If you're sad he tries to cheer you up with horrible jokes (You laugh anyway because it's cute) and if you're mad he hugs you and asks if you wanna play with him (Any game of your choice)

[rabbitblackx]

Okay so while i was babysitting for a couple of neighbors i was reading some of their books (the dad is a horror movie, shows, books, ect fanatic) i saw a book called Camp Slaughter (it's about cannibals) which prompted me to think what would the Sawyer brothers (Bubba, Nubbins, Drayton, Chop-Top) would be like as babysitters for their like little sister/ brother?

(if u can make a HC Abt this I'd really appreciate it and PS love your stuff, keep em coming<3)

Ahh thank u!! Means a lot :’)💕💕

Sawyers babysitting their little sibling

Drayton Sawyer💖

Drayton was a pretty strict brother. He was super older than you and your other brothers, making him more like a father figure than anything

Drayton wasn’t up for many of your games or playing. Especially anything that involved running. He spent most of the time babysitting you just trying to keep you in one place. He also made sure that you were properly fed and not too hot from the Texas heat <3

Drayton liked to have you on his lap. You were much more easy to control that way. He sat in a chair with you curled up against his chest. He rested his chin on top of your head as he read you a book, the smallest smile forming on his face

Nubbins Sawyer💖

Nubbins was usually stuck with the job of babysitting you and Bubba. He wasn’t very good at it though. He often left you and your other brother home alone, off hitchhiking somewhere. But after Drayton beat some sense into him, he started to make an effort

Playing tag with Nubbins was the best! You smacked his thigh, screeching that he was it before bolting out the door. Your big brother bounded after, giggling along with you. He got a little bit worried though if you ran too far, or became out of sight

The both of you got a scold from Drayton when he came home. You two were covered in dirt and scrapes from being out all day, but you didn’t care. All that mattered was you got to spend time with your Nubbins

Bubba Sawyer💖

You and Bubba were usually left in the care of your older brother Nubbins. But he didn’t actually care, and often left you two to fend for yourselves. This was where Bubba really shined at being your loving big bro

Bubba was pretty protective, hardly letting you out of his sight in fear that you would hurt yourself. He wouldn’t know what to do then. When you cried, he cried!

You spent most of the day in your bedroom together, as he wouldn’t let you out of the house. You actually had a great time! Bubba was down to play all your games, and even with any figurines you had! He was probably the funnest babysitter out of all your brothers. He was very friend shaped!

Chop-Top Sawyer💖

Chop-Top was definitely the cool brother. When Drayton reluctantly left you and Bubba in his care, you always ended up having a great time

Chop-Top let you ride front seat in his truck! He even took you to the gas station to get a big red soda. He played the grooviest music on the radio, the two of you singing along together

You got a good laugh out of him playing with Nubbins. If you ever got sad about your dead brother, Chop-Top was there to cheer you up. Er, well… Nubbins was also there too…

Chop-Top used his corpse like a morbid puppet, making him talk and tell jokes to cheer you up. As messed up as it was, it actually really helped. What comforted you the most though, was giving your hippie bro a big hug afterwards <3

[snakeunderyourboot]

Finished reading “Under the Whispering Door” by TJ Klune and I need to scream about it, so beware spoilers ESPECIALLY under the cut

okay, so I have read 2 other TJ Klune books - The House in Cerulean Sea and In the Lives of Puppets, and while the first was an easy and happy read, the second is my top 5 books EASILY. I love In the Lives of Puppets, I love the world-building, characters, narration, ending, every little thing that is there - I love it.

So I was looking into some other TJ Klune books and I was considering reading Under the Whispering Door before and the only thing stopping me was the premise. You see, when you read the short description of the book, the first impression you will get is that this book is about asshole character that died but then brought back to life and now has 7 days to become a better person while living in the tea shop with this strange guy. And you will think how now this asshole character would try to change his life in 7 days, but also will fall in love with this strange guy and its going to be very sad, because they cant be together and then something will happen and they will get a chance to live happily ever after. Also the asshole guy will change himself completely in just 7 days. The premise is sort of interesting, but also seems so unoriginal and predictable, that I pulled off reading it for a long time.

BUT I was going on a stressful trip and I needed some nice cute book, to better my mood and I knew that TJ Klune books are always very funny and have a good moments, so I decided fuck it. Even if plot was going to be predictable at least there are going to be cool characters and it would do a fine job of keeping me company during this trip.

LET ME TELL YA HOW WRONG I WAS

Not about the characters, they are amazing and I love all of them, but about the plot. The premise is totally lying, because the book does start with a main character death and he stays DEAD. The whole deal with “7 days to live” comes only in a second half of the book and I was so shocked when it happened, because I completely forgot about it.

In fact, we spend huge deal of first chapters just getting to know Wallace(main character) and how the death works(really cool concept by the way, love it). The other characters are also great and I loved each and every of them. From Hugo who is such a patient and nice and encouraging, but at the same time so troubled and hurt, but he cant afford himself to break because other depend on them; to Mei who is actually pretty funny and a deep character, who experienced a lot and it shaped how she behaves, but she still chooses to be better; to Nelson, who is the best old man ever, the guy made me laugh so many times and cry, like Nelson is such a cool grandad(I didnt met my grandad, he passed when I was little, so I got attached to Nelson so quickly); to Apollo who is the best boy ever, the best dog; and to every other small character that appeared in the book. TJ Klune always has great characters, but my god in this book they are all amazing.

Wallace was also interesting character, that I grew to love with every chapter. His change from asshole to an actually nice guy felt a little bit rushed? Honestly, I noticed in TJ Klune’s books, characters who start as assholes but then changed to a nice guys, always have a good start and good finish but a little meh middle? Like Wallace was presented as such a big jerk and by even a middle of the book he become a completely different character which threw me off a little. On the other hand, considering that he died and then put into an unknown situation for who knows how long, maybe it is understandable why he changed so much. Still, I would prefer if he stayed a little bit as a jerk, just a little. A nice amount. Still, I liked him and his progression.

Remember what I said about Nelson making me laugh? This book is so funny, I laughed so much. Genuinely, the jokes are almost always hitting right in the center, especially the running ones. People who read the book - Walce truly does have a legs for it;))

The only thing that I a little bit disappointed about was the ending AND HERE IS HUGE SPOILERS DONT READ IT IF YOU HAVENT READ THE BOOK GIVE IT A CHANCE PLEASE GO RIGHT NOW AND READ DO NOT LOOK FOR MORE EVEN IF SOMETHING THAT I SAID BEFORE INTERESTED YOU EVEN A LITTLE GO AND READ IT I PROMISE YOU ITS REALLY GOOD

okay okay here the ending

I knew that Wallace wasn’t going to really go, even if book truly tried so hard to make me feel like that(and did a very good job with it, BUT I JUST KNEW he is going to be alright) and I thought that by the end he is going to remain a ghost but will now be allowed to stay in Tea Shop.And it sort of happened, expect he was also resurrected and made into a ferryman. Which felt too good to be true. I think I would prefer if he stayed dead but was allowed to stay in Tea Shop and they still had a relationship with Hugo even without touching and kissinf. I dont know, I feel like it could have been interesting and not as nice as the actual ending is. For all the talk in this book how life is unfair and we need to deal with it and try to get the best if it, the ending kind of undermines it. Maybe thats just aroace talking in me._.

Also can I talk how amazingly Wallce and Hugo fot for each other? Hugo who always put everyone first and then himself, who never allows himself to have something good, sometimes that he truly wants and Wallace who always took everything for himself and never thought about anyone. And how with Wallace, Hugo allowed himself to care and fight and ask for nice things for himself and he still cares about people, but now he cares about himself too. And how with Hugo, Wallace learn to care about other people and putting their needs first and how it culminated into him basically sacrificing himself for the good of others, because he truly learned how to love. They are such a good fit together, perfectly combining their strengths and weaknesses, like damn, my poor babies

TL;DR this book is amazing, olease read it, I love it so much

[nitewrighter]

I was curious as to how you became a children’s librarian. I was interested in becoming one myself. I wasn’t sure if you went through the local school system or through the city.

I went through the city. I work in a public library. I started as a library assistant working in circulation, where I would work both in the circulation room and on the front desk, then I got my master's degree in library science with San Jose State University during the pandemic. SJSU has a pretty great library science program--it was completely online and asynchronous, so I'd be working about 15 hours a week on 3 classes adapted to my schedule (although many of these classes would have group projects where I would have to coordinate zoom meetings with other students, so if you're in like... a non-west coast time zone you're going to want to plan accordingly). My collection development class was kiiind of a joke but for the most part all the professors were very experienced and professional about their work and helping their students. Really I wanted to specialize in Teen Librarianship but the first ~actual librarian~ position I could move into at my current work was at the children's desk because there was an opening, so I took it. But also you should know that I'm on call and working two part time jobs, and that's how it is for a lot of librarians and libraries these days. It's not insta-full time as soon as you get a masters. It takes forever to make it to full-time. And like... good fucking luck trying to get benefits. I mean I know people don't go into librarianship because they want to make that ~cash money~ but also a lot of people go into librarianship because they have very lofty and romantic notions of librarianship and ~ooh this is where I'm meant to beeee because I enjoy this space~ and I'm just going to say maintaining a space for public use is very different from being the person experiencing that space. It takes a combination of passion, adaptability, and a certain amount of mental fortitude. There are so many old people who have not touched a computer since Bill Gates was building them out of his garage and it's your fault, librarian, that they don't know shit about fuck with technology. They want to give you their social security number and make you operate the scary light up box for them but you legally cannot fucking do the thing they are asking you to do and also jesus fuck my guy you are going to get scammed so fucking bad if this is your attitude toward this shit.

...sorry, those were war flashbacks from working the tech desk.

Children's librarianship. Okay. Well. I love being a children's librarian. I love helping kids gradually work through more and more challenging books, or finding titles related to their interests. I love the little flash of validation you see in kids eyes when they start talking about what they're currently interested in and you're actively engaging with them because, hey, this is going to help me help other kid patrons, but also yes, the "Who Would Win" and "I Survived" series are very cool. I love coming up with little fun things for storytime, andI love that kids love my puppets!

But also--remember that bit I said about how existing/experiencing a public space is different from actually maintaining that space? That goes quadruple as hard for children's librarianship because if your library is a ~wonderful safe space~ where your patrons feel ~safe~ then all of the parents will turn their brains off, never clean up after their kids, and sometimes just... fucking not even bother looking up from their phone or break out of their catatonic state on the couch as their toddler toddles towards the fucking stairs. AND I GET IT. PARENTING AS-IS IS INSANE AND UNSUSTAINABLE UNDER CAPITALISM. YOU ARE COMPLETELY BURNT OUT AND YOU FEEL SAFE AT THE LIBRARY AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET MENTAL REPRIEVE FOR 20 MINUTES. BUT THOSE ARE FUCKING STAIRS THAT ARE GOING TO CONCUSS THE SHIT OUT OF POOR LITTLE BREIGHDYNNE, MA'AM, AND I'M HELPING OTHER PATRONS (WHICH IS MY JOB) AND YOU ARE THE PERSON WHOSE ACTUAL JOB IS MANHANDLING THAT CHILD TO SAFETY.

Also for fuck's sake, parents, I get you're nervous about putting books back in the wrong spot but that's what the reshelving shelves are for. Would you think it's acceptable to leave books all over the floor in your own house? No? Then don't do that in a space you're sharing with other people! We're in a community, people!!

Also a child will poop themselves in your children's section (I'm not talking 'baby's diaper is full' poop, I'm talking an emotionally fragile transitional kindergartener 'i got distracted and forgot to listen to my body and now I'm having a meltdown' poop) and their parent is going to carry them off at arm's length to the bathroom and you're gonna have to do a quick check to make sure their poop... fucking stayed in their pants. And there won't be any poop on the floor but it's still gonna be at the back of your mind for your whole shift because the smell wafted through the whole children's section during the parent's daring bathroom run. Just... emotionally prepare yourself for poop. You're going to see more of it than you think you're going to see in a library--whether working children's or adults.

Whoops. Wasn't done with the war flashbacks, apparently.

Look. I do love librarianship. And I do love the library I work at and the community I serve. There is a real sense of... vitalness in the work you do as a librarian, but because you're working in this public utility, you also become sharply aware of the myriad ways our society has failed our people and just how vulnerable everyone actually is, and you frequently find yourself in this kind of funky semi-improv position between like... your actual responsibilities and skills as a librarian and meeting your community's needs and also empowering them to meet their own needs!

(Very very depressing sidenote but my boss actually advised me to not go into school librarianship because a lot of schools are moving away from trying to maintain their own libraries in favor of like, more scaled down media center sort of things. Don't know how across the board that is, but also school librarianship is also a more specialized branch of librarianship within the library science career.)

[montywithchildhoodtrauma]

More SAMS, MAFS, AND LAES Incorrect quotes to cure my depression.

Earth: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn’t what I meant.

Eclipse, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I’m TOO friendly? There’s no pleasing you.

Jack, who broke into Eclipse’s apartment an hour ago: Two sugars please.

Eclipse: Coming right up

Eclipse: *Fast forwards all the way through the movie.*

Earth: You can’t just skip to the happy ending!

Eclipse: I don’t have time for their problems.

…

Moon: Why is Monty crying on the floor?

Puppet: He’s drunk.

Moon: And?

Puppet: He saw a picture of Earth’s partner.

Moon: But he’s Earth’s  partner.

Puppet: I know.

…

Moon: Is that… legal?

Old Moon: When there’s no cops around, anything’s legal!

….

O!Moon: I got an idea!

Moon: Does it involve breaking the law?

O!Moon: By now don’t you think that’s a given?

Moon: I was just trying to be optimistic.

O!Moon: Don’t bother.

….

Gemini: *Casually taking four stairs at a time.*

Lunar, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuc-

…..

Monty: Hey, no, you stay out of this, this is between me and Earth!

Lunar: So Earth knows about this?

Monty, walking away: No, this is between me and me!

…..

Earth: Monty kissed me!

Lunar: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Earth: It was unbelievable!

Lunar: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!

Sun: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Lu, get some snacks and turn off the tv. Earth, does this end well or do we need tissues?

Earth: Oh, it ended very well.

Lunar: Do not start without me! Do not start without me!

Sun: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing?

Earth: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh goodness, and then we just sort of sunk into it.

Sun: Ohh... So, okay, was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back?

Earth: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were on my face.

Lunar and Sun: Ohhh.

*Meanwhile*

Monty, very out of it and still surprised: And, uh, and then I kissed her.

Foxy: Tongue?

Monty: No, ew.

Puppet: Cool.

…..

Earth: You know, Eclipse, when you generalize, you tell general... lies.

Eclipse: ...

Eclipse: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns?

Earth: Is it working?

…..

Sun: What are you doing here?

Eclipse: I could ask you the same question.

Sun: I live here. This is my house.

Eclipse: I should probably ask you a different question.

….

Earth: You ever see something that changes your life and you’re just like “huh...”

Monty: I saw you.

Earth: Honestly that’s so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of Jack in a turkey costume.

….

O!Moon: Look at the buns on that guy!

Monty: *Lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns.*

Sun: This is the comedy police! The joke’s too funny!

O!Moon: I’m not going back to jail!

….

BM simps: Bloody is a perfect cinnamon scone who’s never done anything wrong in his entire life!

Everyone else: Never done anything wrong?! He set a city block on FIRE!

….

Overlord Lunar, grinning: Before you were what?

Lord Eclipse: Before I was-

Evil!Sun: What?

Lord Eclipse: Before I was inter-

Overlord Lunar: Before you were interrupted?

Lord Eclipse: Cut me off one more time and I swear I’ll-

Evil!Sun: What?

Lord Eclipse: *makes frustrated sound*

Serrvent Sun, nervously: Stop that. Before he hurts you.

….

Monty: God, I love Earth.

O!Moon: Yeah, you fucking better.

…..

Lunar: What if the person who named Walkie Talkie’s named everything?

Monty: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Puppet: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Moon: Forks are Stabby Grabbies.

Sun: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Solar: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Earth: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

O!Moon, annoyed: You are disappointments.

….

[animeomegas]

Headcanons for omega kankuro, hidan, and omega asuma plzzzzz

(I don't write for Hidan or Asuma, but I can give you some omega!Kankuro headcanons for sure!)

GENERAL OMEGA!KANKURO HEADCANONS

(There's some n-sfw at the end :D)

Kankuro didn't really think about nor care about his secondary gender when he was young.

As far as he was concerned, his secondary gender was puppets and trying to avoid getting murdered by baby Gaara.

Once he's approaching chunin, he does kind of feel grateful that he's an omega because his shitty father was an alpha and Kankuro looks a lot like him. It's helpful to have a layer of separation with different secondary genders.

When he's an older teen/young adult is the first time he starts feeling uncomfortable with being an omega. He just feels wrong and it stresses him out a lot for a while until he figures out what's wrong.

Basically, Kankuro is super not okay with the idea of being pregnant, it really freaks him out, he feels like he wouldn't be 'him' if it happened, so having a functioning reproductive system was affecting his mental health.

Once he yeets the womb, he's back to being very chill about being an omega once more.

No pups for him, he lowkey hates children. (But he's the weird chill uncle for Gaara and Temari's pups though, family is important to him.)

However he will only babysit very young pups in an emergency.

...

When Kankuro gets married to you, he takes advantage of social convention and retires from active duty. He likes to call himself a house husband.

He is not really a house husband though because he spends all his time in his workshop, working on his puppets.

((n-sfw warning for this bullet point) one of his puppets is a sex puppet he based on you from before you got together because Kankuro is kind of a freak ngl) but I digress.

He also helps out Gaara when he can, and he might take on an apprentice if he can find a child who's good enough for him to mentor.

So yeah, he's not a traditional house husband, which is good because he lacks several of the key skills, like cooking. He can make some of the best sandwiches you've ever had in your life though. Sandwich king!

...

Omega!Kankuro's scent is very herb-like, like rosemary.

He almost never whines. He hates omega whines, thinks they're so annoying and insipid, so whenever he feels the urge, he gets irritated, which turns the would-be-whine into a growl lol.

He's not really a nesting guy. Until he's sick that is. Then he needs a nest so bad it hurts.

He always ends up building the nest while he's sick though, because he's the sort of person who denies being sick when he first starts to feel the symptoms.

His nests when he's sick is always in the coolest part of the house, even if that ends up being the bathroom or something. This is so he can pile blankets on himself without getting heat stroke.

Sometimes he has cooling packs, heat packs and blankets on all at the same time, it makes no sense, but he gets very grumpy and upset if he can't have them all.

He needs cooling packs on his neck, feet, and in between his legs, and then hot water bottles on his stomach and chest, then a pile of blankets on top keeping everything in place.

Just imagine that, but also Kankuro is laying in the bath tub and his grumpy little flushed face, free of face paint, is sticking out from all the blankets haha. So cute.

some n-sfw hcs

Kankuro is into somnophilia, but not on him. He wants to have his way with his alpha while they're asleep.

He 'jokes' about introducing puppets into the bedroom a bit too often. If you ever give him permission, he'll drag entire boxes into the room, filled with stuff he prepared but was too awkward to bring up himself.

On a similar note, he's a big fan of toys. Especially those that vibrate.

He's an evening sex guy. Comes with living in the desert.

He's kind of a voyeur too. He likes to perve.

His hard nos include anything associated with pregnancy, like breeding, lactation etc. and also he only ever spits if he gets a mouth full of cum.

Man, I don't talk about Kankuro enough! I love this asshole 🥺

[looney-mooney-studio]

I have two questions for the Linda Cipher AU! (More might come in the future lol)

-What do some of Linda’s friends/colleagues/family members think of Linda during her time with Bill/after the initial breakup? Especially with how it seems like she gets worse and worse overtime?

-Also does Bill have any alternative forms (such as a more human form) in this AU? Or is he just his funky triangular self?

Excited to see more of this AU’s development :)

Okay, so. In my mind, she fucked the triangle. It is the triangle she dated, the triangle she had a partnership with, and the triangle she had kids with. But in the Star Wars special, Candace specifically says “Oh cool, mom remarried?”, meaning she WAS publicly married to SOMEONE. Most likely someone who at least APPEARED human enough to have seemingly 100% human kids with.

But Bill doesn’t have a physical form in the human world, and he certainly doesn’t have the ability to make his own body here. (Sorry human bill fans.) We know he can possess people (my friends and I even tossed around the idea he might have possessed one of her colleagues), but then that’s a whole other person he’d have to make a deal with to bring into this and I’d prefer to keep the story cleaner than that. This isn’t about Linda being with some random guy who Bill happens to be possessing, this is about Linda being with Bill.

We know he can possess corpses, but I don’t think Linda would agree to keeping a deceased human body in her house, even if it’s just a vessel for her husband to keep up appearances. What’s far more likely, especially in a show with hyper realistic prosthetic and robotic technology like Phineas and Ferb, is for her to make him a puppet. Or at least, have one commissioned.

With that established, let me throw you a curveball. Do yall remember this guy?

This guy is Professor Parenthesis (pronounced paren-thesis, like a college paper), a former colleague and current wannabe arch nemesis to Major Monogram. He was introduced in the OWCA Files special. When promo materials of this dude were first going around, there was a pretty decent chunk of the Phineas and Ferb fandom who theorized he might be the biological Flynn father, since he bears a not insignificant resemblance to Candace and Phineas.

Then the episode aired and we found out he was actually a bug piloting an android.

So. You know. That kind of killed the theory. And now the Book of Bill’s come out and the closest we’ll ever get to canon confirmation of a possible biological father for the Flynn kids is a one-off joke implying that Linda had intimate relations with a sentient demonic extra dimensional triangle, so the theory’s like, extra turbo dead.

What I’m about to propose is absolutely not true. Professor Parenthesis is shown to be a skilled roboticist, and most likely built this android from scratch himself. But WHAT IF this was a discarded android that Professor Parenthesis found, studied, fixed, and modified for his own purposes? That would be much easier for him to do than building it from scratch himself, considering the amount of large heavy machinery it contains.

I don’t think Linda has much experience working with robotics, but Linda very much strikes me as a collaborative scientist, not the lone pioneer that Ford tried to be. She could very easily have found fellow scientists in other fields to help her develop technology like this, and she could say she wants it for the possibility of remote space exploration, making it easier for people to experience space and do tasks such as space station repairs without spending money sending actual people into space.

She’d argue it should be as humanoid as possible, since humans are used to piloting ourselves and she’d say the transition should be as immersive and seamless as possible. She could also propose the technology could be used for other purposes, such as the development of artificial limbs. She wants a remotely pilot-able android that mimics the human experience as much as possible, including the dexterity and sensory feedback of an above-average human body to compensate for a large variety of skill levels. And she thinks this sort of technology will need several prototypes, some of which will fail.

It’s not too difficult for her to obtain a “failed prototype” as a gift for her partner.

When people meet Linda’s new partner, she introduces him as William Cipher Birchtree, long-lost heir to the Birchtree family legacy of Ciphertology, named for their god. He seems strange, but he makes her happy, and though his beliefs are peculiar, he also seems to be a good match for her wit, and it’s not like there aren’t scientists with strange beliefs out in the world. Her colleagues tease her for her involvement with the cult, but her work is sound, revolutionary even, and she works exceptionally well with her colleagues. Even if she’s getting bizarrely involved with her husband’s obscure cult.

When she breaks up with her partner - her husband - she cuts off all ties to the scientific community. She destroys her own life’s work - a portal to other dimensions, one specifically designed to make faster-than-light speed travel feasible by taking advantage of foreign laws of physics - and renounces it all, warning everyone she knows never to use the portal.

She can’t skip town though, she kept most of her technology in the basement, and she doesn’t want anyone else getting their hands on it and potentially letting her ex husband through. And beside which, her daughter’s best friend lives next door. She can’t bring herself to cut out her safety net entirely, and not many of her neighbors were even aware she was an astrophysicist in the first place. So she stays in Danville. And, eventually, she meets someone who loves her even when she’s not being revolutionary.

[sunfloo-wers]

Puppet Link? nahh dude!

okay okay okay okay guys guys guys I have been struck with a horrifyingly delicious thought

So, eow puppet Link yes? our little guy puppet Link, cool dude, you agree? despite my use of it here, I was not aware of the use of the phrase "Puppet Link" until a few moments ago and it got me thinking (or more so got me staring at it for a while then thinking but that's besides the point): what if "Puppet Link" isn't quite the right phrase, what if this is just Link. Just Link, not puppeteer-ed or coerced or anything of the sort. Just. Link.

Now, I am very much an enjoyer of EOW Hero of Legend Link, but this doesn't have to do with that, suspension of disbelief and enjoying alternate realities with the fictional characters, okay?

And yes I know there are a lot of plot holes but give me a minute,

"But Lamp," You call over my fence, "The eyes! His eye in the first trailer were black/brown/specifically not red but now they are! that must mean magic kerfuffery! And, he was fighting Gannon there too!" Yes, I will admit that this is the main hole in my idea, but... character development? at least for the second point, they might have had a pleasant picnic (ignoring the fact that this is beast Gannon/downfall timeline Gannon and therefore can't talk), and they sorted out their differences! Now, the eyes are a bit of a problem, but I don't know dude, contacts? they got smoothies who's to say they don't have contacts and Link wanted to show off his new vibe

"Okay, say I believe you, but the Spirit of the Hero!" You say, worried for my quickly depleting sanity, "Hylia wouldn't let her hero fall to the dark side!" Now, I won't claim to know everything about Zelda lore and all that jazz, but in my mind the Spirit of the Hero isn't tied to Link. It's tied to the Triforce of Courage. I know that that is a nitpick-ey distinction to make, because the Triforce of Courage is intrinsically tied to Link, but I am making it nonetheless. Also, simply having a piece the Triforce certainly doesn't stop you from being evil. Gannon has and always has had the Triforce of Power, the Triforce is simply a piece of magical essence that plants itself on a mortal being, and has nothing to do with if they are "good" or "bad". And yes, there's the argument of the Triforce of Courage wouldn't have chosen Link if he was going to be evil, but think back to that first trailer again, what was the one thing Link did? He shot arrows at the gem holding Zelda, our unequivocal hero, shattering it, and freeing her. Thus allowing the hero of this story the chance to do said hero-ing. (I am in no way shape or form saying that Link is more heroic than Zelda in eow, or that Zelda's efforts should be diminished, just that Link did technically get the ball rolling, no more than Impa does in most of the Zelda titles). With this established we can all agree that Link did need to be there for the world to be saved, and the all knowing Dorito probably knows this, too so it makes sense in world for Link to still have the Triforce.

"BUT," I hear you say, "what about Hylia? The Golden Goddess still wouldn't let her hero fall!" And I give you Zelda, the only person(people?) in known Hylian history to have the blood of the Goddess, one of which was the Goddess reborn. Zelda, who is on the path to saving Link. Who is without a doubt more of a servant of Hylia than Link ever was. And we all know the Goddess(es) play with Hylians like pieces on a chessboard, do you really think they care about how to get from point A to point B as long as it gets done? Do you really think Hylia "Hylia loves her child soldiers" the Goddess, really cares about if her knight is bad for just a little while? If it all ends up fine in the end?

"But it's a choob/toon graphic game, it can't be that dark!" Did you really just say that? (you didn't, I did, but again, suspension of disbelief) DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT! (I have actually seen this, I think it might have been a joke, but it was "bla bla Link and Zelda seeing they have detailed physical manifestations: we're not getting a happy ending this time, are we") IS LINK'S AWAKENING A JOKE TO YOU?????? that one has one of the most fucked up plots, and it's remake's graphics are very clearly a huge inspiration for EOW's.

(that is a side tangent for another day, the fact that tons of the LA sprites are used makes me so so so happy, but also so scared because that game is so emotionally hitting you with an iron mallet to the face)

I swear there was another point I wanted to dispute, but I can't think of it soooooooooo

But yeah! I love puppet Link, but we've also had so much puppet already (TP and TotK Zeldas, there might be others too), and I think it would be kinda cool if it wasn't puppet Link, and he was just straight up evil :P

You've heard of "what if the bad guys were good?" get ready for "what if the good guys were bad?", a totally never done before thing.

Anyways, yeah, having playable Zelda isn't a new thing for the Zelda franchise, but I'm pretty sure having only playable Zelda is. Like, a game specifically centered around Zelda, and nobody else. So, new things aren't entirely out of the picture.

Do I really think that this is the way the game will go? No, not really, but it was fun to think about, and I hope it gave anyone who reads through this the same amount of whimsey, thank you for coming to my ted talk. goodbye!

[charliewhaw]

Hi! I saw your talent show post and was wondering if you think everyone would do something other than instruments. What kind of things would they do?

(  Funny things, that’s for sure. >:) ) (( Post edited and contributed to by balloondrifloon ))

Charlie’s act would be a stage play. Just like the one that she made Angel and Sir Pentious put on. It wouldn’t be a one-man play either: She wouldn’t have thought that far ahead to realize it would be only her acting in the play. So she ends up running back and forth, throwing on costumes and tearing them off as the ‘characters’ speak to each other. By the end of it, Vaggie has to drag her off stage and fan her down while she sips on cool water.

Vaggie couldn’t help with Charlie’s play because she was up next. She had to be fully prepared for her act. She would drag out a target dummy and set it in the center of the stage. Fighting. Her act was showing off her kicks and punches. “BOO!” Lute would probably yell from the audience. Vaggie would try to ignore her, but the booing would continue, egged on by Adam “Tell her, danger tits!” Vaggie would finally stop and glare at the two. Adam would mock her, saying, “Stop fighting a fucking doll and fight a real woman, Vaggiesaurus!” Lute would then join Vaggie on stage and the two would begin fighting. Really fighting. Lute would hone in on brute force while Vaggie would show off her agility. The fight would spill off stage and Husk would be ushered up.

Husk would be about as unamused as one could get. He’d pull out a deck of cards from his card holster and start unenthusiastically showing off the laziest magic tricks he could muster. He’d barely bother to hide the trick to them. It would be obvious he knew how to do much cooler and more exciting tricks, but he wouldn’t bother showing any of those. Vaggie would fly back on stage, immediately followed by Lute, who would knock Husk off in her haste. That would be the end of Husk’s performance. If you could even call it that.

Niffty would put on a puppet show. With roach corpses. It would earn several disgusted faces, but before anyone could boo her, God would lower his hand to silence them all. Sera would later inform them that God really enjoyed soap operas. No matter what play Niffty chose to put on, it was always named after a real play. Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Phantom of the Opera, it didn’t matter. None of her plays followed the script. They were all fanfictions of the original plays, featuring ‘bad boys and stabbing’.

Sir Pentious didn’t make it. He got lost.

God was the judge, and no one catered to their audience better than a radio host– okay, except maybe a television host. Either way, Alastor would stand on stage telling pun after pun about God and Heaven. “Did you hear about the priest who opened a bakery? No? He specialized in angel food cakes! Hahaha!” “What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christ-ler! Ahaha!” “Did you hear about the rebellious angel? He got in trouble for trying to wing it!” That last one would make Lucifer uncomfortable. God would find these dad jokes quite funny. He’s a dad after all.

“Come on, Frank!” An eggboi would call out. “I dunno Frank, I think I might have stage fright!” The eggboi who was just called Frank would reply to another eggboi, who was also called Frank. The two eggbois looked at another eggboi, “Are you nervous too, Frank?” Cherri Bomb would be watching them since Sir Pentious wasn’t there, and she would be making strange faces at them all calling each other Frank. “Well, fuck. Do you guys not have your own names?” Frank, Frank, and Frank would shrug. “Eggbois, you’re up next!” Angel would usher them on stage and they’d rush out chanting “oop oop oop oop oop!” Their act would consist of Frank wearing a tiara and attempting ballet while Frank and Frank danced around him, throwing dandelions.

Carmilla and her daughters’s act would follow. They would enter the stage with a confused and slightly judgemental expression as the eggbois stumbled off stage, rolling around on the floor below. One Frank would look up and say hello to 'Camaro Carfight’. The women would proceed to perform real ballet. Their performance was lovely.

Cherri would set up a big easel, jump off stage, tell everyone to stand back, then throw a bomb at the easel. Paint would splatter everywhere. It even got in Vox’s underwear somehow. But at least the easel would be covered in a unique pattern of colors!

Sera would recite old, old poetry. “Mon in the mone stond and strit; On his botforke his burthen he bereth.” Absolutely no one would understand what she was saying, except for Zestial who could be found in the front row and clapping ecstatically at her performance, “Exquisite performance! Encore!”

Zestial’s own performance would be similar to Sera’s. Only he would be reciting what he considered ‘modern-day works’. Which was Shakespeare. “Alas poor Yorick! I knew him well!” Zestial would say, holding a demon’s skull.

Emily would put on a sock puppet show, with handmade puppets and backdrops. Her stories were very much like Charlie’s, only Charlie’s at least had some conflict. Emily’s were 100% genuine happiness and nothing else. Niffty would take Emily’s performance as an act of rivalry and go after the angel with her sewing needle. “There’s only room for one puppet show on this stage!” She’d exclaim, as she chased a frantic Emily around the theatre.

Vox would play Megalovania on a calculator.

Velvette would put on a mini fashion show, forcing Vox and Valentino to model for her. It would be interrupted by Emily and Niffty as they raced across the stage. “Sorry!” Emily would yell as she knocked over Vox. Valentino would screech like a child when Niffty ran past him, her manic eye briefly looking up at him with a depraved smile that made even his skin crawl.

Once Niffty was placed on Alastor’s head, distracted by his soft ears, Valentino would attempt to do a strip tease to “I’m a Barbie Girl”. It would start fine, but quickly dissolve into debauchery. Everyone would shut him down, booing, and he’d get banned from the talent show, any future talent shows, and any associated works.

Adam would be more than delighted to take this opportunity to show off his crazy sick guitar skills. He’d fly around and do an aerial show while he was at it.

Turns out Lute’s act was fighting, just like Vaggie’s. But they were still busy fighting in the corner, so God skipped over Lute.

“And that dickweed forgot to turn his screen brightness down while in the theater!” Katie Killjoy would point at Vox-- who would flush from embarrassment before turning down his screen-- then she'd proceed to roast everyone in the room, including God.

Turns out Tom Trench is armed to the teeth: He’d show off all his pocket knives that he keeps hidden on his person throughout the day. He named his favorite one Lawrence.

Mimzy would take on an extravagant dance, only for Niffty to chase Emily back on stage, knocking Mimzy over. Mimzy would end up falling through the stage floor, leaving a big hole.

Rosie would be next. She’d dance around the hole in the stage, ignoring Mimzy’s calls for help, as she happily cooked a thigh, treating the talent show like her own personal cooking show.

Susan… Susan just complained. “Why is it so dark in here?! Where are all the stagehands?! What time is it? I’m missing my shows!”

Razzle and Dazzle would perform a duo juggling act.

Lucifer would go through all 2,387 of his rubber ducks, stating their names, their specialties (like breathing fire or walking over maple syrup puddles specifically), and what type of duck they were based on.

Once everyone finished their acts, God would then judge and decide a winner. The winner was the eggbois! Carmilla is befuddled and leaves without attending the after-party. Alastor is angry because he’s convinced he should have won. His jokes were hilarious. Vox is pissed and kicks a trash can.

Once everyone leaves, Lucifer pulls God aside to show him the new duck he’s been working on. It’s a platypus. God loves it.

……

Sir Pentious looks around the mountaintop he’d found himself on, “What? Where am I?!”

[therewasatale]

regrets

On Ao3.

Based on prompt. 

The metal of the railing cooled his temples pleasantly. Under his feet, the darkness seemed almost suffocating as it stretched behind the stage.

He knew that he was hiding here - behind the main sets. From the place he sat, he was able to see most of the puppets; Pearl was still walking around, she always did that. And Martin, who was enthusiastically walking up and down repeating his lines. The others around him were chit-chatting and laughing at their own jokes.

He saw all of them, but not one of them could see him. And that was what mattered right now.

No matter how nice they all were, he couldn't deal with them right now. The same questions repeated wherever he went, the same worried eyes looked at him as he met any of them. He just wanted to tear this numbness out of himself, maybe then he could feel something, anything besides anger.

It was one of the harder days, but still he had a job to do, puppets to help. Despite that he went ahead and hid himself away from them. He hoped that his dark thoughts would eventually crawl back to the depths of his mind they usually resided in. They mainly showed up when he was home, alone in the apartment.

But as he glanced down the darkness felt welcoming, like it tried to call out to him.

Another voice spoke up not far from Gordon. An actually real one.

"Phew, I thought I'd never find you." Ricky slowly crawled closer to him, he was clearly out of his element, making sure he wouldn't look down and only focused on the human.

"Ricky? What the hell are you doing here?" Gordon's attention snapped at the sock-puppet. "How on Earth did you actually get up here?'

"With a lot of determination," said the puppet as he finally arrived next to him. He gave a smug smile at the human then rolled over to his back; he was breathing like someone who just crawled down a marathon.

"Yes, sure," Gordon rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here? Are you moping around again about something?"

"I'm not moping," the answer came too quickly. "I just-," but he didn't know what to say. For too long he didn't say the right words, and now they were stuck on his throat.

"Just?" Ricky rolled again and pushed himself up half upright, looking right at him. They all knew something was off, Gordon frowned and mumbled more than the usual, and while he has never been a chatty person, this night he took a step back from every conversation.

“Hey, are you-?”

“Don’t, don’t ask if I’m okay. Why is everyone asking if I’m okay?” Gordon felt the edge of his voice, and his throat tightened from the shame, guilt and anger.

Ricky waited, to make sure his voice could reach the human. “Because you haven’t actually answered the question.”

Gordon froze up, then with a heavy sight leaned against the railing. "'m fine."

"Uhum, fine is fine, but I know it's your fine isn’t fine, right? It's a human-fine, which means you're actually far from fine." The sock-puppet wormed himself closer to Gordon's leg and sat down next to him. Even with his usually chatty personality, he seemed hesitant, out of his character. Finally, Ricky dared to ask a question. "Did we do something wrong?"

Gordon turned his gaze towards the puppet, he felt as if an icy hand grabbed his stomach. "What? No-, why-"

"I know we can be a handful, and loud, and some would even say annoying."

"Ricky, hey, listen-" it was his turn to be the one who wanted to make sure the other one was listening. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's not-, it's not about you, it's about me. It's about..." He went silent.

"It's about the war?"

It was odd how a puppet could understand him better than any other human. Maybe he was that desperate for attention, or maybe he started to get a fond of these crazy, yet always friendly and curious creatures.

"Yes," A bitter taste filled his mouth. "Sometimes, I remember the things we have done, the people we have lost, and I just feel angry. I lost years of my life, and what did I got for it? Nightmares, and endless guilt." He had to rub his eyes as he let out a deep sigh. "Don't worry about it, you all shouldn't deal with my mess. I bet it's all confusing for you already."

Ricky sat next to him in silence for a couple of seconds, again this was something Gordon had never experienced before from the puppet. He knew that these puppets were really impressionable by the shows and people they have seen. He would never forgive himself if they get worse because of him.

"Ricky?"

"I don't really understand the war, Gordon. Hurting someone is not right, and then those people, I just-, I'm sorry, I'm trying to understand it, but it's hard."

"Hey, you don't have to, I-"

"Of course, I have to, Gordon!" The puppet looked up at him, his voice was serious as ever. "You're our friend, you're my friend, and friends look-out for each other." Slowly he shook his head, and sighed so human-like, that it made Gordon worried. "I don't understand the war yet. But I know what is feel like to be remorseful, and have regrets."

"Really?" Gordon felt more curious than actually doubtful.

For once, Ricky avoided looking at him. "When the staff left, when Al left…" he hesitated, "…he told me to take care of the others. Most of the buildings turned to dark, only the main stage, the basement and few parts of the hotel remained alight. The other lamps were switched off to make sure we won't wonder out to the city."

The sock-puppet glanced around, still not looking at the human. "I tried to keep anyone entertained, we re-did every episode, changed the human actors with one of us as a stand-in. We re-wrote some of the stories, but over the time we became bored. Y'know Gordon, ironically, we need humans, we need to talk with them, to interact with them," he sighed, "to learn from them and create new things. And I had this genius idea, even if we can't leave this place maybe we can still see the humans. Learn what kind of series they want to watch if not us. So maybe, we can make a story that they would enjoy. Then the neighbourhood could come back again."

Gordon was clearly able to hear it, the bitterness from the puppet's voice.

"But I was wrong, so, so, so wrong, Gordon."

"You saw a lot of things, right?"

"I'm not even sure-, I told you once, it was...mean." Ricky slowly shook his head. "We all changed after that, they all changed, because I let them watch those films. They lost themselves in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything."

"Come on, Ricky, you couldn’t have known."

"But I should have," he looked up at him again, "I was the first one, technically I'm the oldest out of all of them, and I should have-, maybe check those series alone before them. To make sure they won't get hurt by what they heard and seen."

"Ricky-"

"I should have protected them, get some books maybe, I-"

"Ricky." The sock-puppet winced under his touch, but didn't pull away, rather he pushed his head closer to his hand. "It wasn't your fault, even if it feels like it right now, or felt like it for a lot of time. I read about your show, all about the ups and downs, and while I wasn't here, I can tell you all were abandoned."

"Abandoned? What do you mean? The show stopped because people didn't care about being friendly anymore. They couldn't pay the actors or the other stuff, so everybody had to go and find a new place to work at." He said, but he couldn't convince even himself fully. It was just a thought that he repeated for himself over the years.

"They had to search for a new job, but they could have come back to check on you, or help you out." Gordon gently patted the puppet's head, and let him to lean against his leg. "I'm sorry, Ricky. You all shouldn't have gone through all of this."

"Neither should you," Ricky had to clear his throat, it was something again that made him seem, so alive. "I don't know what you experienced at the war, but-" he felt silent, because no, he couldn't even imagine it.

"It was bad," Gordon gently stroked his head again, "but I got back home, and while I was never the same, at least I'm still alive. And I like to think it's a big achievement for every day."

"It is," the puppet glanced up at him, "for us. We would be still in the dark without of you."

It felt cheesy and yet Gordon also felt a warm of embarrassment. It filled his soul and made him feel less cold. Slowly he lowered his shoulders, letting the tension flow out of his body, only leaving place for the ordinary tiredness, which was definitely better. Finally, he was able to get a hold of his thoughts.

"Y'know, I'm kinda glad they sent me here, even if I have to work my ass off."

"We really are happy about it," Ricky nodded. "It was such a long time since I saw Goblette being of herself again."

"Thanks, Ricky."

"You're welcome, Gordy." The sock-puppet smiled at him and after a thought he added, "and if we would be in a musical right now, we would now sing a duet!"

"And now you ruined it," Gordon scoffed but still he was smiling. He lowered his hand so Ricky could crawl up his shoulder.

"Listen, all I'm saying is that we could pull it off. People love music, and people love a good story. We could make an adventure of a knight who got lost in a castle where he meets various monsters and realises that he doesn't need to kill them, rather than help them to find the good inside of them! You would play the knight."

"Absolutely 100% out of question."

"All right, we can talk about it later."

"Ricky."

"We could name him something like, hmmm, Horton."

"Ricky, I swear to god I'm going to turn you into a pair of gloves!"

"You would never!" Ricky gasped again in a so human way that it made Gordon chuckle.

[thenarwhalgal]

Alright so this is possibly the dumbest idea I’ve ever had. But like somehow it holds together almost too well.

Stranger Things crossing over with The 25th Annual Putnum County Spelling Bee.

Please let me explain, this is a long one I’m sorry:

If you don’t know, the 25th (what I’m going to call it from now on) is about 5 strange kids from mostly broken families (and Chip) competing to win a spelling bee. It’s a great and really funny musical about trauma and innuendos and just how strange both spelling bees and the kids who compete in them are. Also it has 4 randomly chosen audience members come up to actually participate in the spelling bee itself (pretty cool).

Now here’s why the characters line up almost perfectly. (At least in my understanding of them all, if I’m wrong please argue with me lol I invite it.)

Let’s take the two main leads, Olive Ostrovsky and William Barfée. They line up stupidly well with Nancy and Jonathan. Olive is a pattern seeking brainiac whose only friend is the dictionary with incredibly negligent parents and a very strong desire to escape, which mimics Nancy’s need to hide herself in solving mysteries and finding stories to avoid her own trauma and the complete lack of anybody to ever stick up for her. They both bury themselves in gaining as much knowledge as they can because the worst thing that can happen is to be left with their own thoughts, Olive is also the emotional center of the show. Barfée is a pretty witty and weird kid who pushes everybody else away and holes up into his own little world but also has a heart of gold, mimicking Jonathan’s… well everything.

These two in the 25th end up with a really sweet friendship (and maybe romance?) by the end of the show, both finding understanding in each other for their mutual strangeness. Just like Nancy and Jonathan do. (Barfée is usually double-cast as Leaf’s dad).

Okay but what about the other 4 kids? I’m glad you asked!

Robin makes a wonderful Logainne (Schwartzy) SchwartzandGrubenierre. A very self-loathing loudmouth anxious perfectionist who is a constant disappointment to her parents but has really large dreams. Oh yeah, she also runs the gay-straight alliance at her school. She’s mocked by classmates and at one point during the show goes on a two minute (improvised?) rant about something to do with politics because she finds the bee unfair and wants to run for president one day. And she famously is the one who manages to annoy Panch enough to literally break him. Logainne really just wants happiness for the people around her, despite having a panic attack at the thought of losing she doesn’t want anybody else to lose either. I don’t know if I need to explain why Robin fits here lol but I will if pressed. (Double cast as Leaf’s mom usually.)

Steve! This one is somehow the best fit and I love them both for it. Steve makes a hilariously good Chip Tolentino. Athletic Boy Scout and the reigning champion of the spelling bee. He’s the most outgoing and social and least strange kid in the show but loses in the first act because and I’m not joking, he gets a boner. He sings a whole song about it actually. As he says, life is random and unfair. And he has a strong rivalry with Barfée (Jonathan) to the point they almost fight on stage and in most productions I’ve seen, is weirdly cordial with Leaf Coneybear. Again don’t think I need to explain this one, just change the girl he’s into from Leaf’s sister to Olive (Nancy) and we’re golden. Can’t go unmentioned that Chip’s actor is usually double-cast as Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaking of Leaf Coneybear! Who else but Eddie, like really? Who else but Eddie. Leaf is absolutely the one character confident enough in himself to jump up on a table and make a speech, he’s also totally the type to DM Dungeons and Dragons. Wears a cape he made himself, talks with a sock puppet sometimes, is friendly with everybody but also… is seen as a weird and stupid problem child by both his family and presumably everybody else at the Bee (Which I mean doesn’t fit his uncle but it does fit the town). He doesn’t win his hometown spelling bee and is only there because the two who placed above him had to go to a bat mitzvah. He worries he’s stupid and doesn’t belong there but finds peace in himself by the end. This delightfully mimics Eddie’s coward complex despite the fact he isn’t a coward??? And the fact he almost exists above social rules, uncaring of who anybody else is and usually judging them on character alone. Eddie and Leaf thrive in being strange. Leaf is also the sweetest character in the show you just can’t hate him. (Double cast usually as one of Logainne’s Dads).

This is probably the least good fit unfortunately, anybody who could fit Marcy Park fit in better elsewhere (Robin def would sing ‘I speak 6 languages’ and Nancy is very much the ‘best in everything but broken inside finding happiness in not winning’ girl). But Barb fits fine. She’s got that cold exterior somewhat disappointed in you never really happy with the fact she’s forced to fit in a box but does it anyway vibe. And would definitely purposefully lose and then celebrate like Christmas came early. Like it’s not perfect but it does work if you squint. (You could maybe cast Marcy as Chrissy Cunningham instead? They both do cry in bathrooms and feel trapped in their lives, happier letting go of expectations, Barb is just an easier character to characterize).

Now for the adults!

Best fit is definitely Mitch Mahoney and Jim Hopper. Like come on, this is the one where I was like… oh I’ve got something here. Gruff cop with rough exterior but a heart of gold who finds himself through comforting a lost kid and could easily be seen as a father figure? Please god that lines up so well with the ex-convict knows how rough the world is and wants the kids to know this isn’t that big a deal but finds being a comfort counselor actually fits him very well. Genuinely enjoying making sure these kids are alright and have a juice box. They’re both straight-up good people who just take a little bit longer than most to find their footing. Also Mitch being there for community service would line up with Hopper being there because Joyce dragged him into it. (Usually double cast as both Logainne’s other dad and as Olive’s pretend Dad).

Rona Lisa Perretti is the ‘could be seen as a mother figure’ counterpart to Mitch moderator of the Bee who sees herself in all of the kids and finds true joy in all of it. Joyce Byers might not line up perfectly but it’s such an easy placement okay? Like I mean, you can really tell she loves these kids, bending the rules for them even when she’s not supposed to. Also you cannot convince me Joyce isn’t the type of mom to sign up to run the school spelling bee her son goes to. (Usually double cast as Olive’s pretend Mom)

Vice Principle Douglass Panch is the only one I can’t figure out. It could be Murray, Bob, Clarke, Owens, Yuri, or even Ted (but please god no it’d fit but no) but none fit him well enough to make a call. Infatuated with Rona, had an incident as judge five years ago but claims to be in a better place now (he isn’t). Panch is a really fun character but he’s also the least mentally stable one. If I had to pick I think Murray would fit the established relationships in this crossover the most, and Yuri would fit his character the most. But again, I can’t make a good call on this one.

For the 4 audience members who fill in the ranks? Well, any ‘teen/young adult’ members of the show fit. Billy, Chrissy, Heather, Vickie, Argyle… take your pick.

— Additional stuff:

This could be easily played as a love triangle between Nancy (Olive), Jonathan (Barfée), and Steve (Chip) which works way too well for both sets of characters. It could also be played as Ronance (my personal pick lol) because Olive and Logainne I mean - if you don’t put Olive with Barfée that ship is like, right there. Olive helping Logainne through her panic attack it’s so sweet. And Olive x Her Dictionary hilariously lines up with Nancy x Her guns.

Again Chip and Leaf are weirdly friendly with each other and they’re also funfact the biggest ship on AO3 for this show which again is almost a perfect line up with Steve and Eddie. I have no words it’s just a funny coincidence. The gay ship between the weird stoner kid and the popular jock kid is universal I guess.

In other non-romantic funny coincidences:

Rona Lisa and Mitch Mahoney I’ve found usually play the good adults in the kids lives who step in and sometimes go as far as adopting some of the kids in many fanfics. Which I mean… yeah that sounds like Joyce and Hopper in the fandom as well.

Logainne has a very pronounced lisp and a tendency to overcomplicate which mimics Robins perpetual inability to stop rambling in front of pretty girls and in stressful situations.

Chip ends up forced to run the bake sale and complains about his ruined mojo, which again for some reason Chip and Steve just are perfect fits for no good reason. What a Little League champion.

Leaf and Marcy are the only two characters to lose and end up happy about it (Olive is a weird case), which is funny because Barb and Eddie are the only two characters here who die! Yay! ):

Nancy and Olive are both seen by everybody around them as the ‘sweet and lovely girl’, but are both intensely broken on the inside.

Marcy (Barb) is the character who gets to literally see Jesus, and Jesus is played by Chip (Steve). You could not have a funnier casting.

Like I mentioned above but it really needs to be highlighted, Chip and Barfée literally get as close to straight up fighting as possible. Chip at one point throws a bag of peanut M&Ms at him which if you don’t know, Barfée is allergic to, and Olive is the one who steps in. You couldn’t line it up better between these three.

The only relationship I can see that sadly doesn’t make it in here… is Robin and Steve . Chip and Logainne just don’t really talk much? I thought about shoving Robin in as Leaf for this reason and it’d work? But not nearly as well. I mean but like… this is my crossover damnit and if I want Chip and Logainne to somehow become absolute besties despite being complete opposites then I will make it happen. Chip really needs companionship and Logainne desperately needs at least one person in her life who supports her, and it’d be by far somehow the most perfect but completely alien from the outside friendship in the show. Which parallels Steve and Robin nicely (The added benefit that nobody would believe they weren’t dating if Robin wasn’t out as gay in this continuity).

————

So like, here’s the thing. I have spent way too long thinking about this, and I had to get it out there. Maybe it works as well as I’ve made it out to, maybe it doesn’t. The point is I think it’d be really funny, and as far as I know nobody has even brought it up so far. Which I get! Like I said, this is possibly the dumbest idea I’ve ever had. But it works way better than it should and I had to make other people understand my vision.

So thanks for reading all of this and please if you want to and have made it this far, give me your thoughts.

[aloeverawrites]

Okay listen. I have seen some people who have listened to what conservatives say about their demographic, and try to be more like that to bother them. To be like “ha ha ha oh I am a big scary [fill in the blank] what are you going to do now? 👻”

And in some cases that’s good. Like if they say queer people are idk, socialists and then you become more interested in mutual aid and democratic socialism. Cool good.

In some cases that’s not so good, like if they say queer people are baby killers and you make a habit out of kicking in the heads of plastic baby dolls. I get it, you’re doing it for the meme. But you’re also publicly destroying representations of a minority group that doesn’t actually have many rights?

Or if they say child free women hate children so you make jokes about hating children and how gross and stupid they all are and how they should be banned from public spaces. Hey bud, that’s a persecuted demographic right there. What, what are you doing?

Im just saying, some of these traits are actually negative, and that’s why they are assigning then too you. Maybe don’t immediately and wholeheartedly adopt them? Maybe don’t base your personality around the hateful vie they have of you in their head and spend your life doing the equivalent of repeating what your friend says even though they’re making you say terrible things about yourself and others but you have to win the game? Maybe don’t spend your life on some fucked up version of Plato’s allegory of the cave except you’re mimicking the shadow puppet version of you they got up on the wall? Maybe don’t let horrible people decide and define who you are?

It’s hard living in a world where people hate you for being who you are, I know. But don’t define yourself by being the people you hate. Maybe define yourself by the people and things you love. Things like diversity, justice, art, human rights activism.

We are so much more then what they say we are. We need to keep being our amazing selves and ignore them until they get in the way of progress. At which point we shove them out of the way and keep going.

They’re not the supervillain to your superhero story, they’re a footnote in the book of your life. Laugh at them and move on.