#we shall see what that'll lead to

[dcyswclking]

While Evan normally tries not to be clingy, overly emotional and a burden, in the apocalypse verse he's going to fail on all ends. So, it's possible he ends up being annoying for some as he'll feel like a burden pretty much 99% of the time. What makes him jump to conclusions that might not be true and he'll cling onto anyone who will allow it. Also there's a chance he'll cry (a lot) simply because everything is too much for him.

[phoenixcatch7]

Lmao I'd love to see a fic where batman like. Doesn't talk at all. He just 'hn' and 'hrm's his way through the story like a Minecraft villager. All the bat kids understand him perfectly.

I actually know people irl who can do this, and I've done it myself during bad migraines, it's practically a second language, so I know it's totally possible to have full conversations between two speakers XD!

It'd be another degree of separation between Brucie Wayne, the ditzy, breathy playboy and batman, who used up all his vocal spoons for the day and now communicates solely through unintelligible grunts and sharp hand gestures when he doesn't need to talk to strangers.

Unfortunately, the best way to learn grunt speak is the same way most languages are learned, and there's no written word (outside of emoji, of course): immersion. And the justice league are no longer considered strangers.

This leads to:

Hal: which way do we go, spooky? Where's the tracker pointing?

B: *grunt*

Hal: what?

B: *insistent grunt*

Hal:..... Can we point?

B: *dour look* *slowly raises arm to point left down the street* *sharp, insistent grunt*

Hal, dryly: don't strain yourself.

-

Damian: greyson. I am calling because father has had an injury and is bed bound for tonight, however Alfred is downstairs and the rest are still on patrol. I am still in the early stages of learning father's intonations. Please translate.

Nightwing, eldest, regularly called for exactly this reason by just about everyone Bruce has ever spoken with since he was a kid, ranging from arkham guards to jl members: *heavy sigh* put him on.

Bruce: hrng...

Nightwing: He's telling you to close the curtains and keep the noise down, he's got a headache.

Damian, over the sound of footsteps and fabric rustling: it truly is just like another language.

N: nah, it's a lot of probability. I've known b for years, I can guess pretty well. There's a lot we can say. For example, that grunt actually carried a lot more meaning, I just trimmed it down.

Damian: truly?

N: yup! If I had to be pedantic, it actually meant 'I am in quite a lot of discomfort, the cause of which is my head, and I am struggling to manage it on my own. Please aid in my cause, my darling sons whom I love dearly -'

Damian: *muffled noise through the phone*

N: that'll be him telling us to shut up. But you can see why I asked you to close the curtains.

Damian: fascinating. I shall take this under advisement.

-

B, exhausted after a long day of board meetings as Brucie: *moody silence*

Gordon: Batman, how's it going?

B: *glower* *drawn out grunt*

Gordon: that bad, huh?

-

Supes, during a briefing: I believe it would be best if we attacked from the north, we've enough flying members to crest the mountains and ambush then that way - Batman?

B: *quiet grumble, with pointer fingers moving in semicircles*

Supes: ah, I see. You're right, we'd be too visible if the sun rose behind them*turns to see the other members standing behind him* what?

Flash, bowing at the waist, palms together over his head: teach me your ways, oh mighty bat-speaker.

[nothingenoughao3]

Herbert West Was Dead To Begin With (or, why Danbert was always doomed by the original narrative, pt. 1)

Thanks to this post by @gabelish, my brain went in about twenty directions. I have to talk about this or I'm going to end up chewing on my walls, and that's bad for my teeth.

Reading the script of BRIDE, it's... messy. Disorganized. You can tell they pounded this thing out in a month and didn't really have time to revise or edit. What's interesting is seeing the vague shape of a theme despite the rush-job--to get cheeky, it's a bunch of disparate parts that don't quite move in sync. A Bride of an idea that almost, but never quite does, manifest. Especially considering one or two lines that were cut which, it turns out, were integral to understanding that theme.

Let's go over it all, shall we?

Francesca's immediate appeal to Dan feels like a weird choice on the part of the filmmakers. It's asking us to care about a brand-new character without giving us much reason to do so, other than "she's a woman and she's available to the protagonist". This is a big ask in Part 2 of a franchise which, as we witnessed with the collapse of Part 3, relies entirely on the chemistry between the two already-established lead actors. The most boring parts of BRIDE are when Francesca's investigating the Sefton Ward, because neither of the dudes we're here to see are onscreen for a long time, and…

And, well, we'll have to have a big talk about Inherent Value and misogyny/queerphobia/transphobia in Re-Animator, but that'll be for Part 2.

So what's the deal with Francesca? Why is she even here? Is she just there to drive a wedge between Herbert and Dan?

Well, yes. But in addition to being an object kicked between the two leads as needed, she is also an object for the writers' thematic purposes. This purpose is revealed in what Dan says in the infamous scene where they have sex: "So soft... so warm..."

It's the warmth Dan craves, because that is associated with Life.

Francesca is Life. She's associated with food, the real substance of Life--which Herbert rejects. The script even specifies that Dan and Herbert's kitchen should look like it was never used... as though there's no life in it. Fran brings Life to it by preparing food in it. She's also associated with Angel, the dog, who generally senses--not Evil, per se, but the Dead. Angel reacts positively to Fran and to Dan. And Angel tries to attack every reanimate she meets--as well as Herbert.

Dan values and believes in Life. He is seduced by Herbert's quest because he wants to believe that reanimated beings are Alive. But let's be real, he doesn't believe reanimates are Alive. He agrees with Dr. Hill's assertion that reagent "gives the dead the appearance of life". He asserts that Halsey is dead post-reanimation, because, obviously, he doesn't see Halsey as Alive. Later, he perceives the Bride as being a collection of dead human body parts until She's reanimated. At that point, all the stress seems to convince him that she is Alive... until Herbert emphasizes that the Bride is his creation, a being glued together with reagent.

Who, therefore, cannot have Life.

Dan rejects the Bride because he wants Life, someone who is Alive. She's not. This is also why part of his rejection involves him declaring that Meg is dead. The thing that kept Dan on board with the Bride Project was imagining that he was bringing Meg back to Life. Stating that Meg is dead is acknowledging that reagent cannot create Life, so far as Dan's concerned.

Meg's heart is, to me, another symbol. Dan wants it to represent Life, but as the final shot emphasizes, it represents Death. It only had the appearance of Life so long as Dan believed in its validity as a source of Life. Notice that he says "You're not Meg!" in response to the Bride offering him Meg's heart, because it isn't the heart he wanted, only what it stood for. Once he stops clapping his hands and believing, the heart stops beating... and is left in the embalming room, with all the other Dead Things.

They cut several lines where Dan repeatedly referred to Gloria as "Meg". This gives Dan's desires specificity. Dan spends all of BRIDE wanting Meg to Live. That is his central trauma, the source of all his fuckery: he misses Meg and he wants her back. He almost fools himself into thinking she's alive again, then accepts that she's not.

The next best person to escape with, then, would be someone who is Alive.

This is what Francesca gives him.

In the script, Dan resuscitates Francesca successfully once they escape the tomb. He joyfully declares "You're alive!". THAT is what Dan wanted. Life. Someone soft and warm.

To Herbert, though, reanimated life IS Life. He perceives no magical or spiritual dimension to Life the way Dan's implied to (and the narrator of the original stories did). His inability to convince Dan to see things his way is a big part of his downfall in BRIDE, but it also points to a really brutal tragedy underlying the whole plot:

If we take the Integral Cut as canon, and it likely is, then Herbert isn't Alive by Dan's standards, and hasn't been this entire time.

He shoots up reagent. This is in stark contrast, by the way, with the original stories, where Lovecraft emphasized that reagent did nothing whatsoever to living tissue. This is--symbolically, again, I'm not making diagetic claims here--a not-so-subtle declaration that Herbert is Dead. Corpses and body parts get the reagent because they are not a part of Life. And since Herbert gets the reagent, well...

Anything that comes from Herbert cannot be Life. It can only be "the appearance of life". This is why the food Herbert makes looks fake and wrong and is described as "awkwardly made" in the script, unlike Francesca's perfect sauce... Food is Life. Herbert is Dead.

The script of BRIDE suggests that Herbert repeating Dan's "So soft, so warm" line is manipulation, but it sure doesn't come across that way--it comes across as abject begging for Dan to see some kind of value in the Bride Project, and thereby, in him. When the Bride tries to win Dan back over by repeating "You made me!", Herbert, sounding furious, snaps "I made you!". He thematically links himself with Her because she's the big project that will make Dan love only him the Work. He reinforces the theme that he is Dead, or Death.

The way that Herbert gigafucks himself is when he senses that Dan's about to reject the Bride (Death) in favor of Francesca (Life), and Herbert... accidentally confirms this dichotomy with "Forget it, Dan, she's just dead tissue!" That is exactly what Dan didn't want. Herbert objectifies the Bride--but not into just any object. She is turned into a disposable object, a thing they can throw away in a medical biohazard bin. Because she's Dead.

He's trying one last Hail Mary to win Dan back, but their fundamental disagreement on the very nature of Life and Death means Herbert can't even understand how to do it.

Relatedly, Herbert is heavily associated with Dead Places. He is introduced to Dan in the sonofabitchin' morgue and spends almost half his scenes in same. His personal room in Dan's house is Spartan, because Living people need luxury and personal items, and Herbert's... not. He spends most of the rest of his time in the basement--underground, like a grave, get it, hahaha. In BRIDE, we never see his bedroom. Instead, he spends most of his time in the basement/embalming room/secret laboratory which is also underground, and which is interconnected with a tomb in the graveyard. A tomb Herbert willingly tunnels into and accesses regularly, which is totally normal Living behavior and not that of a ghoul...

... and, in the end, he is dragged off into that tomb, and he does not escape. Because he belongs there.

He is Dead (which is why, by applying queer theory, we all think that he's queer and/or trans, about which more in Part 2). Herbert's hard and cold, not soft and warm. He has only the appearance of Life. Everything he creates is Dead.

In the script, when Francesca and Dan meet in Peru, they talk about the cruelty of war, and she says the following: "When the state makes people's lives unnatural, it creates monsters." This is called back when she finds out that Herbert's built Hand Dog out of Angel. She calls Dan a "freak", and accuses him of acting like he's saving people when he's "creating monsters". Because he is behaving like Herbert, he's a freak. A monster. Someone who thinks he's creating Life when he's actually reveling in Death.

Hell, the script describes the reanimate rejects that kill Herbert as "the fruit of his scientific womb", deliberately mocking Herbert's notions that he's creating Life, and also causing me physical pain as a trans dude.

The more I've gone over this theme (in the service of my long-ass fix-it fic), the more it feels like Dan and Herbert were always doomed by the original narrative thanks to this specific, fundamental difference between them. The only way they'd be able to get along long-term again after BRIDE is if one of them changed fundamentally as a person, and not only would neither of them do that, it'd make their dynamic less interesting and engaging to watch. (I mean, shit, I've had to introduce Lovecraftian Great Old Ones to help those two buttheads understand they have a common enemy.)

But yeah. Sorry to say it. Herbert's Dead. That's what made it so easy for Dan to abandon him. Herbert could cut out his own heart and replace it with Meg's. It would not have made any difference. There is nothing, nothing at all, he could have done, not once Dan realized that reagent cannot give Real Life--that it can't bring Meg back to him.

It was always going to end this way. With Herbert lost among the Dead. With Dan fleeing for Life and normalcy.

But that's what fandom's for, fixing all of that... right?

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

The date (Sofia Huerta x Reader)

As requested this is part two of Not my best idea

I'm hoping to start working through some of my requests, but don't hold me to that, life is a bit busy at the moment.

I'm sick so this is not really edited. Hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: None

Words: 2.2K

There was a knock on my door at exactly 6pm. Sofia was waiting on the other side with a single red rose. I smiled as she handed me the rose, feeling butterflies erupt. Normally, I was the one giving flowers or organising dates. It was a nice change, but not something I wanted regularly. I loved organising dates and spoiling the women I was taking out. It was my love language.

"How long were you waiting outside to get here right on time?" I teased as Sofia blushed.

"Maybe a few minutes. I'm sorry I didn't get you more than one rose. You deserve the best, but the shop I went to only had ones that didn't look great."

"Don't be, I kinda dig the one rose. Let me get my jacket and we're good to go."

"You uh look good by the way."

I took a second to look Sofia up and down, taking her in. She had on black jeans, a plain white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket draped across her arm. Sofia looked beautiful, even though it wasn't anything extravagant. I didn't really like fancy first dates or fancy dates in general so Sofia had reluctantly agreed to a more casual date even though according to Sofia, I deserved to be spoilt. It was a warm night so I followed Sofia's lead, draping my jacket over my arm before taking hers as well.

Sofia protested, telling me she could carry her own jacket, but I shrugged, cutting her off, "You look good too Sof, like really good."

She blushed, clearing her throat, "Thank you. Shall we?"

I laughed, arm wrapping around her shoulder, "You're cute when you're nervous. Let's go."

We walked down the street hand in hand. Sofia was trying her best to hide the nerves, but her twitching fingers, the way she kept wiping her spare hand on her pants, and the way she wasn't speaking, gave away her nerves. "You know I don't bite. Well, unless you're into that."

Sofia turned red, looking away briefly, "Sorry, you just make me really nervous."

"You already embarrassed yourself and I kissed you regardless, so there's no reason to be nervous."

She groaned, covering her face with her free hand, "You don't need to remind me. I just want to impress you."

"Oh no, that'll be my go-to story. I'm just a regular person, you don't need to impress me. If I wasn't already impressed with you, I wouldn't have agreed to go out with you so please just take a breath and try to relax. Think you can do that for me?"

"I can try."

We stopped at a Mexican food truck, each ordering our food. Sofia paid before I had the chance to protest. I hated people buying me things even if it was just food. I pushed that discomfort aside as best as possible to enjoy the date. It was something I could bring up later if needed. 

When we sat down to eat, I asked Sofia a few questions about being a professional athlete and her love for soccer. Knowing she was nervous, I decided to ask easier questions for now until she relaxed a bit. The more in-depth or family questions could wait. Sofia rambled on about her job with me listening intently. I was genuinely interested in what she had to say. The slight rasp in her voice already sucking me in. I knew I could listen to her talk for hours and not get bored.

Sofia's cheeks flushed light pink when she realised my attention was completely on her, "Sorry. Enough about me, what about you? Why did you become a lifeguard?"

"Don't apologise, I like hearing you talk about it. I can see how much you love what you do. Um, I never actually planned on being a lifeguard, it's only been a few months, but I enjoy it more than I thought."

Talking about myself felt awkward, something I was never very good at. I knew I should say more, I just kinda clammed up due to the awkwardness and not knowing what to say. It was definitely easier when more specific questions were asked.

Sofia giggled in response before asking, "What did you do before being a lifeguard? I assume you were doing something being 2- actually, I don't know how old you are. Sorry that was kinda rude wasn't it?"

I laughed at her getting flustered again. Some people probably would have found it rude how she asked. I was just entertained.

"You're okay. I'm 27 by the way. I was a wedding/family photographer before, well I still am and I'll go back to it. I just needed a bit of a break. Being a photographer is great, I do genuinely love it, but I was fully booked most of the time, traveling to many different states constantly. It got a bit overwhelming, I was burnt out and exhausted. Obviously, you need money to live so I couldn't just quit. My aunt owns this hotel and when I confided in her how I was feeling, she offered me the lifeguard job for as long as I wanted it. So yeah, I'll go back soon, maybe experiment with a different kind of photography while I have this job as a backup."

Sofia winked, squeezing my hand, "You make a very attractive lifeguard. Bet you're just as attractive with a camera. Maybe you should try sports photography. In all seriousness, I'm glad you got the break you needed, I understand how exhausting traveling can be. I would love to see some of your work sometime if that's okay?"

"You flatter me Sof. I have actually thought about sports photography, maybe you can be my practice. Also, I have a whole Instagram of my work you can look at."

"I would love to be your practice."

We spent another ten or so minutes at the food truck, Sofia scrolling through my Instagram while I sat there awkwardly due to the compliments. After a while, Sofia took my hand, dragging me away from the food truck. I managed to tone down my excitement when we stopped outside the arcade. "How did you know I liked arcades?"

"Um, I may have stalked your Instagram."

"Stalker."

---

For being a professional athlete, Sofia was surprisingly bad at throwing a basketball. I stood behind her, hands covering her hands, guiding her to throw the ball into the net. Sofia jumped excitedly, picking up the next ball.

"You're not pretending this time are you?"

"Unfortunately not."

My hands trailed down to her hips, settling maybe a little lower than they should. Sofia didn't stop me, instead leaning back into me. "Try yourself now."

Sofia missed again, leaning back into me with a groan, "How are you so good at this?"

I shrugged, guiding her to throw the ball again, "I dabble."

"In basketball?"

"Also volleyball and boxing currently. Soccer when I was a teenager."

"Wow. Where do you play?"

"It's just fun, mostly with my friends, sometimes like a fun community thing. I used to play more seriously in high school."

We spent a few hours at the arcade, playing all the games and getting to know each other. Touches became more frequent and confident on both sides as time went on. There weren't any proper kisses yet, only a few cheek or hand kisses. Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to kiss her and her lingering looks on my lips gave me the idea she wanted to as well. We were in public though so I decided to wait. PDA wasn't really my thing. Sofia was also a public figure which meant we had to be a little more careful.

It was about 10:30pm when we decided to head back. Sofia had the day off tomorrow, but I still had to work from mid-morning so I didn't want to be out too late. Sofia leaned against the wall of the hotel, playing with my fingers. "I had a really good time tonight. Do you want to come back to my room?"

I stepped closer, practically trapping her against the wall. "Me too," I whispered, leaning in capturing her lips with mine. My hand rested low on her hip, hers cupping the back of my neck as I deepened the kiss. Sofia's tongue ran along my lip, trying to coax them apart, but I pulled away before she could. "You are making me blur every boundary I created for pre and post-first dates."

"Sorry."

"No, you're not."

Sofia smirked, leaving a lingering kiss against my lips, "Not really. You're fun to be around and an incredible kisser Y/n, but I also don't want you to do anything you don't want to do or aren't ready to do."

"I never would, you'll soon learn I'm very stubborn. I'll come to your room, but things stay PG 13."

"Deal."

---

"Can I see you again?" Sofia asked, playing with my hair as I lay next to her, head resting on my hand so I could down at her.

"You're fun to be around, I really enjoy spending time with you-"

Sofia frowned before smiling sadly, "There's a but coming isn't there? It's okay if you're not interested in anything more than tonight, I had a great time regardless."

"No, it's not that, I would love to see you again. This isn't necessarily a deal breaker and I probably should have thought about this sooner. I know you're staying in the hotel for camp or whatever, but where do you actually live? Like uh, how far away are you from me?"

She giggled, pecking my lips quickly, "I thought I was the nervous one. To answer your question, about 25 minutes with no traffic."

"Wait really? Why are you staying at a hotel then?"

"Camp rules, better for team morale and bonding."

This time I leaned down, initiating a mini make-out session. It had been a week or so of knowing Sofia and I already knew I was screwed. I was drawn to her, she made me giddy and touchy. She was also a really good kisser, I already didn't want to leave. "In that case, I would love to see you again on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You let me plan the next date."

Sofia kissed me softly, "Anything as long as I get to do that some more."

---

Sofia and I had talked for a while last night before falling asleep cuddled up. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see her this morning because I had to get ready for work. As much as I wanted to wish her a good morning, I had managed to slip out without waking her, sending a text to assure her I had just bailed on her.

About midday, the group of women I was used to seeing entered the pool area, each claiming their lounger. My eyes met Sofia's sending her a soft smile as I approached the group.

"Good morning ladies, how are we today? Can I get you anything?"

"Morning Y/n, all is good. Are the umbrellas out today?"

"That was next on the list, I'll grab them for ya now."

Emily smirked, nudging Sofia's shoulder, "Sof will help."

I guess they didn't know about our date. It wasn't a big deal, I figured Sofia would tell them when she was ready. I chuckled turning to Sofia, "You don't have to, I got it."

Sofia looked at me for a second. A small, slightly shy smile was present before she spoke softly, "I don't mind."

Once we were away from the group, I discreetly squeezed her hand, "How did you sleep beautiful?"

Sofia smiled, squeezing my hand again, "Amazingly. You should know, you were there."

"Sorry, I had to slip out early. I didn't want to wake you up on your day off."

Sofia's hand rest on my arm, seemingly not caring if anyone saw, "It's okay. Was a bit disappointed not to get a kiss when I woke up. Maybe you could make that up to me now?"

"What about them? I assume they don't know about our date."

"They don't, but that was so they didn't annoy me about it while I was so nervous. Please don't tell them about how it happened yet. I can't face that yet."

I laughed, already imagining how much fun it would be to expose that down the line. However, right now Sofia was looking up at me expectantly. I cupped her cheek, lips connecting in a lingering kiss. I heard yelling from behind us as I pulled away, pecking her lips one more time. "That's all you get because you're technically a customer right now and I will get in trouble if I get caught."

Sofia pouted, but I refused to give in, shaking my head in response. Just because my boss was my aunt, doesn't mean I wouldn't actually get in trouble. "Fine. Do you want to come over again tonight?"

"I would love to."

We made our way back with the umbrellas, instantly being interrogated by Emily. "What the fuck did we miss? How did you go from a stuttering, red mess to kissing her overnight?"

Sofia shrugged, "We just talked after you guys left yesterday then ended up on a date last night."

Unfortunately, more people started showing up so I had to go back to my spot. I would have loved staying there with her and her team, but getting to watch her relaxing in a bikini, knowing I got to be with her after work, made it more tolerable. 

[wheels-of-despair]

Worth It | Ralph Penbury x You | Masterlist

{<-Previous} [Forty-Four Days] {Next->}

Summary: All good things must come to an end… right? Words: 3k

Ralph leaned in close and whispered, "We are going to make love in every single room."

"Ralph, that'll take until Christmas!"

"So be it," he laughed.

It took 44 days.

There wasn't really a lot else to do.

Neither of you had any complaints.

When you'd arrived that first day, the skeleton staff had greeted you, taken your bags up to the bedroom Ralph specified, and escorted you to a lovely lunch on the terrace. You ate quickly, both because of the appetites you'd worked up and your desire to stretch your legs after your long journey.

After refueling, you went for a walk around the grounds. This place put the green of the park to shame. Manicured shrubs lined the path winding around the freshly trimmed lawn. The flowers smelled like heaven. A large fountain topped by a cherub squirted water in every direction. There was even a sparkling pond in the distance. You suddenly felt very small… and very tired. The sleepless night, the long car ride, the wonderful lunch, and the overwhelming openness all caught up to you at once.

"Shall we continue with the indoor tour?" Ralph asks with a pathetic attempt at enthusiasm, as the terrace came back into sight. You look over and catch him trying to stifle a yawn with the hand that's not holding yours.

"Of course! Shall we race back to the house?"

He looks down at you with a panicked expression that you have to laugh at. He tries to feign a look of annoyance, realizing you're only playing with him, but you see right through him.

"Maybe you could give me a tour of our bedroom, and then we can call it a day?"

Ralph nods, a few times too many, and picks up the pace. He leads you back to the house and through a labyrinth of doors and stairs and hallways. You make a mental note to never get separated from him, because you could easily get lost in this place and never find your way out.

Finally, you enter a room with a four-poster bed, which Ralph immediately flops on face-first, leaving his feet hanging off the side. You take a second to look around the room, then kick off your shoes and crawl onto the bed next to him. Planting an elbow on the soft bedspread and propping up your tired head, you reach out with your other hand to rub Ralph's back. He moans and scoots closer to you.

"Ralph, if we don't get undressed right now, we're going to fall asleep in these clothes."

He mumbles something you can't quite make out.

"Come on, snugglepup, I'll help you," you offer with a pat to his shoulder, dragging yourself off the bed. Ralph doesn't move. You untie his shoes, which is a little difficult from this downward angle, and pull them off for him. You speak his name, but he still won't move. You grab his ankles and give your best yank.

He yelps and claws desperately at the bedspread, despite the fact that you'd barely moved him.

"Come on," you laugh. "Clothes off. You'll thank me later."

The big baby you married flips over and unbuttons his trousers with a grumble, still refusing to get up. You tug them off by the legs as he lifts his rear, then fold them and set them aside. Ralph unbuttons his shirt as you shed your dress, then you help him pull that off as well.

After what feels like far too long, you're both in your underthings and under the covers, with the intention of sleeping until dinner.

You slept 'til breakfast.

You quickly fell into a most wonderful routine.

You'd wake up when you felt like it, ring for breakfast, and eat in bed. After getting dressed, you'd explore. Ralph led you through the entire house and showed you each room in those first few days, but given your desire to know each room a little more intimately, most of them required a second (or third) look.

You'd decided to bypass the servants' quarters, thinking it best not to invade their space with your marital shenanigans.

The same couldn't be said for Victoria's bedroom.

Or the bedroom of Ralph's least favorite grandmother.

In the early afternoon, you'd have lunch on the terrace, when the weather allowed. When it didn't, you'd spread a blanket on the floor and have a picnic indoors. A nap often followed lunch. It was a lazy kind of life you were living, and you loved every second of it.

You'd eaten exactly one meal in the dining hall. Every clink of the fork had echoed throughout the ridiculously large room. Every laugh bounced back. Every whisper was amplified. From then on, the staff brought your dinner to a cozy room on the second floor with large windows overlooking the pond. You much preferred a tiny table for two over the monstrosity in the formal dining room… although you'd found a better use for that table as you checked rooms off your list.

Ralph had brought his ukulele with him, and liked playing after dinner. You loved listening to him, and cheering him on. You adored the goofy grin he'd get after you clapped and asked for an encore, or quoted your favorite part back to him. He had a talent for writing silly little songs about what you'd done that day. You wished you'd thought to start writing down the lyrics sooner, because you'd both forget everything but a line or two by morning. (Even though most of his lyrics would be deemed inappropriate and scandalous to anyone but the two of you.)

When you weren't sleeping, lounging, or checking rooms off of your list, you explored. You found hidden passageways inside, and trails outside the manicured lawns. There were several game rooms, and an impressively stocked library that you spent a fair amount of time in. There was no room for boredom with Ralph Penbury around. You enjoyed every minute of your time together, even when you were just reading aloud to each other or watching the swans swim on the pond.

You'd heard tales of people spending too much time together. Getting to know each other too well. But you wanted to know everything about Ralph, and he wanted to know everything about you. You'd had a wonderful start, with all that time alone in the park, but you became experts on each other during your honeymoon.

You learned that he liked watching the swans from a distance, but was terrified to get too close, because one had chased him all the way from the pond to the back steps as a child. You learned that he loved wine, but wouldn't eat grapes unless you fed them to him. (You didn't mind this a bit.) You learned that Ralph looked absolutely breathtaking with a beard, but had been hesitant to grow one because of his sister. You learned just how insecure and eager to please he was, and vowed to spend the rest of your life reassuring him and encouraging him to do things that made him happy. You learned what it was like to be so consumed by love, you wouldn't know how to breathe without it. And you hoped you'd never have to.

Ralph learned a lot too. He learned that you loved to hold him as much as he loved to hold you. He learned that you were afraid of mice, but preferred that they were relocated rather than killed. (The staff was not amused at this request, but Ralph adored you for it.) He learned that you hated wearing hats, because your mother had once stabbed you with a hat pin, and you weren't entirely convinced it was an accident. And perhaps most importantly, he learned what it felt like to be loved for who he was. So many of the things he'd always been mocked or chastised for, you encouraged. You admired his musical talents. You loved laughing and talking and playing games with him. Even when you were playing against each other, it still felt like you were on the same side. You listened to him, and made him feel like everything he had to say was worthwhile; you acknowledged every one of his little observations throughout the day, no matter how random, and often had a thought of your own to add. You told him that you loved him no matter what, and he believed you. He truly did.

You adored waking up next to Ralph.

He was always handsome. But first thing in the morning? You didn't think you'd ever get used to this. His eyes seemed lighter somehow, and his hair was always a beautiful mess. His voice in the morning was deep and gravelly, and every time he spoke, you felt it vibrate through your entire body. And he was warm. So warm. Even when you'd drifted apart during the night, you could feel his warmth and know he was still there without even opening your eyes.

But you quite enjoyed opening your eyes in the morning now. No more unhappy groans as Nancy ripped your curtains open and blinded you with sunlight and dragged you out of bed for the early breakfast your mother insisted on. Here, with just the two of you, you could stay in bed all day if you wanted. And some days, you did.

You and Ralph always woke up within a few minutes of each other, as if you could sense that the other needed company. You'd greet each other with a sleepy smile and a morning kiss. Sometimes he'd pull you closer and you'd fall back asleep together. Sometimes you engaged in other activities first. Once, you'd repeated the process until lunchtime, skipping breakfast entirely. That was a good day.

Today was… not shaping up to be a good day.

Ralph woke with a gasp just before sunrise, and sat up straight to catch his breath. Having been jostled from your slumber by his sudden movement, you sit beside him and place a comforting hand on his back.

"What's up, pup?"

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

"I dreamt that Victoria was here."

You let out a sleepy chuckle. "It could be worse, I suppose." He tilts his head to look at you. "We could've suffered a dream visit from our mothers." He cracks a grin, shakes his head, and lets himself fall backward onto his pillow.

Ralph extends an arm and guides you to him. You rest your head on his chest and drape an arm across him, drifting back to sleep with a smile as he plays with your hair.

A few hours later, a loud rumble rouses you from your sleep. Blinking in confusion, you soon realize it's Ralph's stomach. You lift your head from his chest and look up at him with a grin, but he's staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Ralph? Are you alright?"

He snaps out of it and looks down at you with a smile that doesn't quite meet his eyes.

"I'm fine. Ready for breakfast?"

The bell is rung and the food is delivered. Ralph seems a little more like himself with a full belly.

"What shall we do today, my wonderful wife?" he asks, leaning back against the pillows, fingers laced behind his head. You take this as an invitation to return to his chest, and he quickly drops an arm to stroke up and down your back.

"I don't know, my handsome husband, what did you have in mind?" you countered.

"I think there's a secret passageway somewhere in the drawing room on the third floor that we could look for."

Before you can respond that yes, this sounds like a great idea, you hear the honking of a horn. You look up at Ralph, who shares your confusion. You hadn't heard a thing except wild animals and the occasional chatter from the staff while you were here.

Ralph carefully extracts himself from your grasp and walks to the window, which he promptly bangs his head on. You crawl out of bed and join him as the horns grow closer.

Three cars, packed full of people, are barreling down the drive.

"Victoria?"

"Victoria," Ralph groans.

You both dress quickly and head downstairs. Ralph stomps down the grand staircase, you trail behind, hurrying to keep up with his long strides. You've never seen him this angry before.

Ralph flings the front door open and marches out to meet his sister, who is pointing out things to the friends who are slowly pouring out of the cars like clowns at the circus.

"Ralph, what are you doing here? And what is that on your face?"

You can't hear Ralph's side of the conversation, but you give Victoria an awkward wave when she looks over at you, then lean against the door frame. Soon, a fuming Ralph returns to you and grabs your hand, pulling you back upstairs without a word. You look over your shoulder at the people coming in, and the two maids watching Victoria and her unexpected arrivals with panic in their eyes.

Back inside the bedroom you'd claimed, Ralph slams the door and kicks it with a pained grunt. You sit on the bed and wait for him to collect himself. When he finally turns around, his anger has turned to despair. He walks to you, utterly defeated, and falls to his knees in front of you. He buries his face in your lap, bringing his arms around your hips in a strange hug.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. One of your hands comes to rest on his shoulder, and the other begins stroking his hair. It had grown considerably during your time here, now that he didn't have a barber around the corner to visit twice a month. You had trouble keeping your hands out of it, now that there was more of it to play with, but Ralph didn't seem to mind at all.

"It's alright, love."

"I had no idea they were coming. Or why they did. Victoria hasn't been here since our 18th birthday."

"It's not your fault, pup."

"My sister has ruined our honeymoon."

"Ralph, we've been here for nearly two months. If things had continued being so perfect, we might never have left."

"That was the plan."

You chuckled, tracing the shell of his ear with your fingertip. He sighs happily, and then his eyes pop open.

"Victoria is going to tell our mothers where we are."

"They were bound to find out eventually."

"They're going to know we lied. There was no cruise. Your mother is going to hate me more than she already does."

"Then I'll just have to love you more to make up for it."

"How are you being so calm about this?" He finally raises his head to look at you.

"Ralph, we're married. What are they going to do, tell us we can't see each other anymore?" You give him a smile, but he still looks worried. You move a hand to cup his jaw, stroking his cheek with your thumb in reassurance. "You are mine, and I am yours, and no one can take that away from us."

You tuck a lock of hair behind his ear, and his eyes begin to tear up. He buries his face in your lap again to hide it. You resume stroking his hair, until he heaves another sigh.

"Time to go home?" he mumbles.

"Home is wherever we're together."

A loud crash comes from nearby, followed by a shrill laugh.

"But perhaps we should return to the city for awhile. Enjoy a bit of peace and quiet," you joke.

Ralph smiles weakly and gives you a nod.

"One more night?"

"Maybe two? I can think of a few rooms we should try to revisit before they get trashed."

This seems to perk him up.

The return trip wasn't as somber as you thought it would be. Ralph pointed out some things you'd missed on the first part of the trip, such as the field of sheep that had once gotten loose and wandered all over the Penbury property. Victoria was still terrified of them. You stored this information for later.

About halfway through your journey, Ralph spotted a restaurant with tiny tables outside. He asked the driver to stop, and you had a wonderful lunch together in the sunshine. One last hurrah before returning to real life, you assumed. You didn't mind. You knew you'd have to go back eventually. London is where your lives were, where your families were. Honeymoons don't last forever. You knew this. But still, you couldn't help but savor every last second of your time alone with the love of your life.

Ralph seemed to have the same idea. He ordered three different desserts to sample, then insisted on coffee. Your lunch had lasted nearly two hours. Finally, Ralph couldn't put off the inevitable any longer. You returned to the car, and the journey continued.

In the blink of an eye, it seemed, you were back in front of Penbury House. Ralph helped you out of the car, and as you stood there stretching your legs, the front door opened and Langley came scrambling out to fetch your bags. Like he'd been expecting you.

Ralph took your hand, and with a sigh, you started up the front steps. When you reached the door, you heard two familiar voices yelling on the other side of it. Your mothers, of course. It seems Victoria had indeed spread the news of your hiding place at her earliest convenience. You'd have to remember to thank her for this.

"I don't suppose you have any other forgotten family properties we could hide out in?" you ask with a smirk.

"No, but I thought we might begin looking for a place of our own tomorrow."

"Tomorrow can't come soon enough," you half-joke, looking up at him with a wink. Ralph smiles and leans down for one last kiss before your honeymoon officially ends, somehow knowing how to make time stand still just when you need it the most. When he pulls away, he tucks a stray hair behind your ear and straightens his lapels, standing tall like he's suddenly acquired the confidence to face your families.

"Well, my darling wife, as we go now to face whatever hell awaits us on the other side of this door... please know this has been the best month and a half of my life, and that I loved you 'til the very end."

"Was it worth it, my dear husband?"

"Absolutely."

[pilferingapples]

in the musical, near the end, why does valjean give javert his address and tell him where he can find him, if he knows that'll it'll probably lead to javert arresting him, which will mean cosette will be alone?

To be clear, he does this in the book too!

Jean Valjean cut the martingale which Javert had about his neck, then he cut the cords on his wrists, then, stooping down, he cut the cord on his feet; and, straightening himself up, he said to him: “You are free.” Javert was not easily astonished. Still, master of himself though he was, he could not repress a start. He remained open-mouthed and motionless. Jean Valjean continued: “I do not think that I shall escape from this place. But if, by chance, I do, I live, under the name of Fauchelevent, in the Rue de l’Homme Armé, No. 7.” Javert snarled like a tiger, which made him half open one corner of his mouth, and he muttered between his teeth: “Have a care.” “Go,” said Jean Valjean. Javert began again: “Thou saidst Fauchelevent, Rue de l’Homme Armé?” “Number 7.” Javert repeated in a low voice:—“Number 7.” -LM 5.1.19, Valjean Takes His Revenge (Hapgood translation)

As to why he does it...well that's a really good question, and it's one of those things that is fodder for endless discussion! Some known emotional factors: - he already feels his life is over, since Cosette will be getting married and "leaving"him - he doesn't think Cosette will be alone if he lives, since he's going to bring her Marius, and he expects Marius to take care of Cosette now - he already feels like he can never truly escape the bagne, as we see in his confession with Marius. So he may feel he's just yielding to the inevitable? More options: - he's really trying to save Javert's life (he is!) and thinks offering his address will help convince Javert to leave -maybe he's not so confident of escape himself, and thinks he won't be there to be arrested--and this way at least someone will tell Cosette where he was? - Other Options Up To The Reader! Basically it's hugely up to interpretation! Which is fascinating, right? Such a big moment in the story, and Hugo basically turns to the audience and invites us to try and understand why Valjean makes his choices here the way he does. And then the musical follows that cue!

So what are your ideas about it, Nonny? :D

[spiderh0rse]

notes on eddie's mind. the series itself is dreadfully short, so this post shall be as well. alas! i think he's probably one of my favourite mindverse characters by his portrayal here alone.

e1

he sleeps in a decrepit train car

tries to have breakfast! Out of breakfast! I'll give him points for trying

has no idea where his train has taken him

woke up at Night

considers blowing something up to open a path forward but drops it when he realizes that'll draw attention to him

eddie wakes up and Loots The Place. He's lookin for food mostly

a little surprised to see a body but pretty calmly takes its gun

EXTREME VIOLENCE AGAINST POISON HEADCRAB

he's got a neat way of talking where he'll say half a sentence, pause to figure out what the hell he's saying, and then finish it. Does just drop some sentences full out

a barnacle grabbing a headcrab makes his day. Gross to watch though

keeps referring to zombies as "individuals". That is charming

wonders what happened to Gordon. Reminded of him by some loose sciency and mathy papers

okay this guy is just plain adorable??

thinks the lambda everywhere just draws the cops to them

mocks the "ammunition depleted" alert

more than a bit unhappy at being trapped somewhere.

e2

audibly panicking at being trapped

deeply confused at resistance engineering

"zombies can't see in the dark. well, shit, I can't see in the dark either"

does Not feel well at the sight of a giant pit of zombies

just kind of uhs and ums and noises his way through the room

horribly unjazzed at having to walk into zombiepit even if it's probably safe

questions the puzzle design so much

has seen the Indiana Jones movie with the snake pit

he doesn't think he's seen a working tv that isn't one of the giant propaganda monitors

vents are a big thing in city 17 where he is, especially for resistance members, which he considers himself one of

we love when a guy falls and hits his head

reads stuff aloud! Mumbles it mostly but he does read out loud

Gordon got drunk and depressed a Lot

gets the zeo point projector and decides yeah maybe he should put that away

questions the safety of the projector

expects to die in the next year or so

shotgun :) beautiful.

hates going in circles but it happens so often

just hopes he doesn't cross more cops

has the puzzle gamer's instinct

e3

bit wary of large heights

hopes the gravity projector could be fun? and more importantly save his life?

Indiana Jones counter two

finds using the projector to break his fall disorienting

it is however the most useful weapon he's ever come across in his life

feels the only reason he's alive right now is blind luck

"I bet if I do that thing that giant door will open and lead to a. Beautiful utopia."

he's SO silly

"this is what I get for having HOPE" sobs as he shoots zombies

immediately stops the wailing when something fun happens

EAR DAMAGE THE GUEST STAR OF EVERY MIND SERIES

hes back to being lost he says. When was he ever Not lost

"nyih."

rocket launcher :D

sure that he should be concerned but not if the gunfire nearby is cause for alarm

theorizes all these indestructible doors are made of mystery indestructible material

deeply nauseated and disturbed st some corpse hanging from a ceiling

I can hear his voice drifting into a smaller typeset

attempts to reverse psychology his way out of hitting his head

not very good with aim

not terribly optimistic right now!

e4

"time to improvise I guess??" pulls out rocket launcher

by no means stoked to be fighting a strider

tbh there is not much to note because he's making half-words and noises most of the time. Which is charming but is not terribly backstory of him

HUH BRIGHT GREEN FLASH EPISODE ENDS

episode unends is this Doom

oh he is panicking so hard. sorry Eddie you have wandered your way into hell

bothered by the demons bleeding blue and the sky being weird

"i don't know what i did to deserve this,,,,," wettest cat noises I've ever heard in my life

[bluejay-writes]

Heaven is a Misnomer - Chapter 4

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Rating: Teen Chapter 4 Wordcount: 2953 Characters/Relationships: Jake (Exchange student OC) / Raphael Summary: In which Jake learns some interesting things about himself, about covenants and pacts, and about Michael. Notes: Hey fam. How has it been a week already? I'm confused. Anyway, it's Tuesday, so new chapter time! I think this is the first chapter that'll give you a bit of a visceral "oh dear" moment if you've read Devils in the Details. Lemme know if you spot it. XD

You can also read this on AO3, if that's your jam!

First Chapter || Prev Chapter || Next Chapter

Chapter 4: Witching Hour

Shiny’s room was gorgeous. Very pink and flowery. Jake was expecting it to be witchy and gothy like her general demeanor, and it very much was not.  And, thinking about it, that made perfect sense. It wasn’t really her room, it was just the room she’d been assigned for the exchange program.  Jake wondered if over the course of the year it would end up becoming more her style, or if she’d keep it pristine and pink and floral for the mental break it caused to enter the space.

Sitting in her room was Vriyaya, looking more like a human and less like a demon. Jake didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. She was gorgeous either way.

“So, Jake. You say you’re a normal human, right?”

“Yep. Boring inner city kid with a shitty life.”

“Would you be offended if I wanted to test your theory?”

Jake blinked. “You have some kind of test that will tell you if I’m actually an angel or a demon in disguise?”

“Well, yes. But also if you’ve got latent magic. Magic like I use.”

“Wait, you’re not just a witch by religion?” Jake didn’t realize there was any other way to be a witch. He just figured she was Wiccan or Pagan or something and let it go.  It seemed like the sort of thing that the Celestial Realm would begrudgingly let in to prove that their version of religion was right.

Shiny laughed. It was a musical thing, and Jake liked to hear it. “No, I’m a witch because I do the magic shit.  Mostly potions more than like, visible magic things, but I do know how to do a testing array. I at least learned that before I stopped my formal training."

“Formal Training?”

“Yeah, I was learning under someone but she was… well… horrible. So I didn’t get any good fancy magic but I can at least do this, and the other realms let me into their libraries to study sometimes, so…”

“So you jumped at the chance to be away from the mostly boring human realm for a year, and if I want to find you and you’re not here I should look in the library.”

“Oh, he is smart, Shiny, you meant it.” Aya said, and Shiny nodded. 

“Yeah. Very sharp. Thus, I want to test him.”

“Okay, okay, I give.” Jake rolled his eyes. “What do you need to test me, a vial of blood?”

Aya eyed Shiny and grinned with the pointy version of her teeth.

Shiny laughed. “Not a vial, but a single drop will do.”

Jake paused. He’d been joking. “Oh.”

“If you let me bite your finger,” Aya said with a little purr, “It won’t hurt in the slightest, or even scar.”

Jake considered, and then shrugged. “Okay. I mean, if you promise.  Why would you choose to bite me when I could just like… get a safety pin?”

“Because she gets to taste you.” Shiny said, laughing. “See, Aya. I told you.”

Aya sighed. “Yeah, you’re right, my charm really did roll right off him, he is gay as hell.”

“Is hell gay?” Jake said, eyeing Aya.

Aya rolled her eyes “Generally yeah, I mean. We assume ‘yes’ before ‘no’ generally, and that leads to most demons just being open to whatever.”

Huh. Jake thought. The Devildom might be an interesting time for Nia.

“Anyway, so the biting? You want to taste me?”

“I can learn a lot from someone through their blood.  Just like Shiny can do her neat little array and look at pretty lights to learn about you, I get it all from a taste of your blood.  You might be able to fool one of us, but not both of us, is what it basically comes down to.  Someone really powerful might be able to fool both of us, but not both of us and the angels because, well, realm balance and shit. Someone can always tell with their method. And the angels vetted you and called you normal, so if you’re not, one of us can tell.”

“Cool.” Jake said, and held out his hand. “As far as I know I’m totally normal, so bring it. I’d love to learn something new. It’s like 23-and-me except with magic shenanigans.”

Shiny wasted no time setting up her array. It was simple pentagon with some reagents in places and symbols written in places.  As she set it up, she babbled about what she was doing, and Jake was trying to pay attention but he only caught something about “flame-testing elements like in chemistry” because that was his favorite thing about Chem class even despite Mr. Cook’s bigotry. Also his favorite computer game as a kid was an edutainment title that had a big flame-testing puzzle and he loved it.

Once she was set up, Aya took his hand and bit into his thumb with one fangy little tooth.  True to her word, it didn’t even sting. He felt the wet of the blood drip onto the glass microscope slide that Shiny held out, and then she licked the wound with the tip of her tongue and it while it tickled a little, it sealed back up without issue.

Jake watched the colors flare up just like Shiny said they would and even where she suggested they would if he truly was normal.  There was a little something-something going on in blue in a section she had told him would be dark, so that was interesting.

After a moment, Aya shrugged. “There’s some potential for something maybe? Defensive. I mean, it could be that not only are you very gay but you’ve got some kind of innate charm defense.”

“Yeah, the blue in that spot, looks like passive defense. Pretty cool, normie.” Shiny said. “Probably had a magic-type somewhere way back in your lineage.”

Jake smiled. “Oh, well. Huh, that’s neat and potentially useless information. I’m just going to keep telling people I’m normal.”

“You are normal.”

“It’s working already.” Jake said, with a wicked grin that both girls returned.

Aya professed a need for a snack after working her magic like that, and headed out to raid the kitchen.  Jake turned and looked to Shiny, meaning to ask her about covenants. He’d been curious ever since Azrael asked if he’d made one with Michael, and he figured asking his fellow human would hide his ignorance better than other options. Just then, his phone-shaped device (He’s never going to call it a C.C.C. again, that shit is irritating to even think) buzzed with a message.  And then again. And before he could even get the thing out of his pocket, a third time.

“Who even has this number?” He muttered, and unlocked the thing. “Oh, mom maybe.”

He was wrong. The messages were from Nia, of course. Who else?

Nia > Jake: They teleported me in my pajamas. Nia > Jake: It’s Hot Boy Summer. Nia > Jake: [picture]

The photo was of course his bestie Nia, curled up on a bed with a blond-haired green-eyed hottie, against a backdrop of a concerning number of books. It was like Nia’s ideal situation. Excepting perhaps the blonde. She’d always joked that she liked gingers best. Jake whistled, because she seriously wasn’t joking about hot boys. He was seriously attractive, and Jake was envious immediately.

“What’s the message? You’re invested enough you’re ignoring me.” Shiny said, with a teasing pout on her face. “Boyfriend?”

Jake shook his head. “Nah, just my bestie. She’s in the Devildom right now, actually. Sent me a selfie with her newest friend, I guess?”

Jake turned his phone-shape so Shiny could see, and she grinned. 

“Your friend is super cute! Also I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Satan smile, so… hold onto that picture, it might be worth a lot of money someday.”

“Satan?” Jake said incredulously.

“Yep. Avatar of Wrath himself. She’s made powerful friends.  Also, pretty sure that was taken in the House of Lamentation, so she probably knows the rest of the brothers.”

“Huh, cool.  Hey, you wouldn’t want to take a selfie with me to send back?”

Shiny grinned. “You mean a photo of a cute blonde boy and a black girl with epic hair? In trade for a photo of basically the same thing? How could I refuse?!”

Jake laughed, and took a photo with Shiny, the florals of the room in good display as a background.

Jake > Nia: This is the other human exchange student, Cheyenne. Jake > Nia: Envious of your hot boy experiences already Jake > Nia: Can’t wait to hear all about your first day.  Jake > Nia: Mine has been tedious. It’s weird to be normal.

Jake turned back to Shiny, determined to get his questions answered while he felt safe to ask them.

“Shiny, what can you tell me about Covenants?”

“Oh, did someone talk to you about them already?” Her eyes were sharp, and concerned, almost the way Azrael’s had been. He didn’t like it.

“Azrael asked me if Michael had made a covenant with me yet, and I said no, but like, I don’t even know what a covenant entails, and I feel like that’s a very bad thing to be ignorant about while I’m here.”

“You’re not wrong.  Okay. Let’s come at this from a different angle. Have you heard about “making a deal with the devil”? Or like, did you ever watch Supernatural?”

“Yeah, well to the former.  I didn’t watch Supernatural, my dad didn’t think shows like that were acceptable, so…” Ugh, he hadn’t meant to mention his dad. He really didn’t want to talk about what home was like.

“And yet you’re gay. Okay. We’ll unpack that later.” Shiny chuckled, and Jake was happy when she didn’t press it. “So basically, the real life version of deals with the devil aren’t just ‘trade your soul for power’, they’re more the demon binding themself to the bearer, like a loyalty commitment.  Whoever has a demon’s pact mark can generally control said demon, depending on their level of magical prowess and power.  You, for example, could probably do nothing at all with a demon, but having their pact would prevent them from doing anything that would harm you directly. They say it makes them want to protect you, as well, but as I’m not a demon, I wouldn’t know about that.”

“Okay, so what do pacts have to do with covenants, then?”

“Everything. Covenants and pacts are the same thing, with different names.  The symbols one tends to get for a covenant are different, but otherwise they are functionally the same.  Basically just the names are different, and the character set used to mark them.  Kind of like a language diaspora can make differences occur with perfectly identical topics otherwise.”

“Oh, so the human realm has to have our own version of them too, right?”

Shiny nodded. “Contracts, of course.”

“And boring normal humans like me could make a contract, covenant, pact?” Jake asked, trying to figure out how that would work.

“Well, someone could make one with you.  A magic-capable human can make a binding contract, demons make pacts, angels make covenants.  But, the ones with the magic are the ones who are bound by them, not vice versa.  It’s a willing sacrifice of your own autonomy.  I think the fact that humans without magic can’t be forcibly bound to someone is good. And it’s an incredibly intimate thing. Most demons and angels have their own rituals that go along with binding themselves to someone.”

“So how did something like that get twisted in folklore and myth to be ‘trade your soul for power’?” Jake was curious, and Shiny seemed to love explaining things. He was glad he’d asked her about it, and not someone else.

“Well, since the one side is voluntary and holds all the magic, they can ask for anything they want, and bind that into the spell.  Most of the rituals require something to be given.  And demons are very good at getting desperate people to give up just about anything.  I once knew an old woman who had to make a pumpkin pie every day from first harvest until the new year, for a guaranteed perfect harvest every year. It was a lovely bargain, and the demon in question was surprisingly kind, she just loved pumpkin pie more than any other food, and especially that woman’s.  I’d honestly believe that when she dies she’ll have a place in that demon’s house in the devildom. No torture, only endless baking.  That woman would probably find it to be heaven.”

“That is the sweetest story.” Jake said, his eyes misty. “Like, wow.”

“I know, right? Don’t buy into the ‘all demons are evil and all angels are good’. They’re just people. Different races of people, with millenia of bias piled on them.”

“So you’re saying it’s probably entirely safe that my bestie is in the Devildom right now?”

“Yeah, for sure if she’s with Satan. He can be a cranky ass, but he’s mostly just a bookworm with a short temper. If he’s already let her in his room, she’s probably entirely safe.”

Dinner in the dorms was a much more formal affair than Jake was used to, with a set start and end time. It was quieter, less chatter while people ate, because they only had so long to eat before dinner was over.  He worried about Bunny getting enough to eat, but she seemed like she was capable of taking care of herself. The food itself was exactly the kind of weird Jake had been expecting about his time here in the Celestial Realm.  Everything was a different kind of food, but it all had this weird happy vibe to it. Like cloud cakes and Ethereal Buckwheat pasta, and some soup that glowed. They promised him that everything he was eating was entirely safe for humans.  Even Shiny told him about the foods she’d eaten before so he had a better idea of what was actually safe.

And, to its credit, the food was all delicious.  The textures were sometimes a little bit off-putting, but he figured after a year he’d get used to it, right? By the time he went home, even Nia’s mediocre cooking would be such a piece of home that he would cry to eat it.  Not to speak ill of his bestie, but she knew how to cook exactly five things. And they were all acceptable. 6/10 would eat weekly.

Over dinner, Michael lectured them about what the expectations for the exchange students would be over the course of the year, insofar as chores were concerned.  There was a rotation for basically every chore that Jake could think of, and then some that he didn’t even know what were, and was going to have to learn from the few angels who actually lived in this dorm building (Apparently the ones who were in other realms for the program normally lived in these rooms, and did these chores.)

Certainly Jake was expecting the explanations of chores to be rough. He was expecting to have to learn a lot of new things. But basically everything that Michael was saying was couched in weird language that made it sound like it was a choice, and optional, and only for their benefit, but sounded like an absolute drag.  Like the evening seminars, which were voluntary, but so much could be learned, why would you ever skip them?

His mind spiraling on possible absolutely terrible experiences that this year in the Celestial Realm might have in store for him, Jake unintentionally tuned out the last twenty minutes of Michael’s lecture. It wasn’t until Aya was nudging him under the table and he noticed the irritated look on Michael’s face that he snapped back to reality.

“Well, Jacob?” Michael asked, as if waiting for an answer to his question.

Jake blinked at him, for a moment hearing his father’s voice instead of the angel’s.

“Oh, were you talking to me? My name’s Jake. Can you ask again?”

Jake instantly regretted using Nia’s usual strategy of talking back to problematic authority figures at the way Michael’s eyes flashed. It was terrifying, in a way that sent chills down his spine that he was utterly unable to control.

“I was asking if you understood your responsibilities whilst you are here.”

Jake wasn’t sure he could even react with the fear flooding his system, but just as fast as it hit him, it drained away and left him once again in control of his voice.

“Oh, for sure.” Jake said, nodding as if they hadn’t just had a moment in which he was certain he was about to be the victim of an epic smiting. “Don’t worry, I’ll behave.  And besides, you gave me a paper copy of all of the rules—” He tapped the packet, which he liked to think of as his syllabus for existing, and tried to put the smile back on his face. “—Just in case my ADHD is too much and I need to remind myself.”

Michael scoffed and turned back to the room at large.

“Now, usually it will be only the residents of this dormitory who are eating and sleeping here.  However, as I am overseeing the exchange program and am responsible for the safety of our other-realm students, I will be here most days, at least for dinner but often during other times.  Conveniently, one of  my offices is located in the basement of this building, so if you are uncertain as to my location, you can assume I will be working there for the foreseeable future.”

Jake tried not to shiver.  Something about Michael made him intensely uncomfortable.

[90363462]

Glen Wilson/HBO

15 'Insecure' Sex Scenes That'll Make You Go Back For More

Let's take a walk down memory lane, shall we?

Sheriden Chanel

Jun. 17, 2022 03:00PM EST

It's been nearly half a year since the series finale of Insecureaired, and I'm still not over it. So much so, I've unapologetically binge-watched the series a couple of times since "Everything Gonna Be, Okay?!" had us shedding real tears as it was hard to say goodbye, okay?! The Issa Rae-created show offered a complex look into the normal lives of Black millennial women navigating adulthood. It was relatable, authentic, and easy for a lot of us to see ourselves at some point throughout the duration of the five-season run. Since its premiere in 2016, we've laughed, we've cried, and we've also taken a look in the mirror and challenged our own mirror selves to grow and leave comfort zones behind at times.

In addition to the subject matter, Insecure also struck a chord with its thoughtfully curated soundtrack and stunning visuals. And I can't be the only one who was a fan of the steamy sex scenes that often played out (of which my favorite were the ones that sort of popped up out of nowhere). Keep reading for an extensive list of all of the sex scenes in Insecure (excluding the finale season because they were few and far between and nobody has time for that). 

Spoilers are most definitely ahead.

Season 1, Episode 5: Issa’s first time with Daniel

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Despite his chocolate skin and brilliant smile, I was never Team Daniel (Y’lan Noel). However, I could see the writing on the wall as the tension unfolded between episode 1 and episode 5 of Insecure’s first season leading to Issa (Issa Rae) cheating on her long-time love Lawrence (Jay Ellis) for the seemingly ambitious, charismatic Daniel who seemed like the one who got away. As soon as Daniel and Issa ended up running down a video of her on the internet and somehow ended up alone in the studio by the end of the episode, I knew what time it was. Plus sir told her things she thought she always wanted to hear from him, about being ready, so I knew the panties would drop shortly thereafter. And that they did.

Points for Issa trying to resist, but that kiss was only the beginning of a few things between Daniel King and Issa Dee. What unfolded was an indulgent gratuitous love scene that started on the couch, ended up on the floor, and also acted as the first sex scene we got on the show. For that reason, it rightfully earns this spot on our list. 

Honorable Mention: The brief flashbacks we got of the scene in the episode that came after. Whew.

Season 2, Episode 1: Issa and Lawrence’s ex-sex

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The sophomore season of Insecure started off with a bang, literally. In a moment of high emotions and confusion, Lawerence and Issa engaged in 30 seconds of passion remembering what was between them sexually. The blue couch that saw no action in the first season suddenly got a taste of what could be again as Lawrence and Issa gave into their indulgences and made a messy breakup somewhat messier. I found the ex-sex slip-up to be very realistic, especially in situations where closure hasn’t happened yet and there’s still a desire to be together. Though not one of the steamier love scenes featured in the series, it still holds a lot of weight because it was so damn relatable.

Honorable Mention: Earlier in the episode, a brief spooning sex exchange played between Lawrence and Tasha. So good he had her saying “daddy with a ‘z.’”

Season 2, Episode 3: Issa has sex with Neighbor Bae

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Speaking of relatability, the very next sex scene between Issa and Neighbor Bae (Leon Thomas III) was also on point for that reason. Neighbor Bae, also known on the show as Eddie, made a couple of appearances before becoming a sometimes-y hookup for Issa and he was just what the doctor ordered in terms of helping her enter her “hoe phase” and get Lawrence’s recent dick-me-down out of sight and out of mind. During a somewhat lengthy scene, Issa and Eddie were able to work through the sometimes awkward reality of sex (especially first-time sex with someone new) by finding a position that worked for them and communicating along the way.

Sometimes the first new fuck after a breakup is the hardest. And what we saw was no-strings-attached sex between two consenting adults and it was great to see Issa get back in the game. As she exits his apartment, she receives a message from a dating app and reads it with a smile, showing the audience that she is single and officially ready to mingle. Dating roster and all.

Season 2, Episode 4: Lawrence has a threesome

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Yeah, no comment on the actual threesome, but I will say I really appreciate the moments throughout the series where I could see the contrast between the “masculinity” Lawrence was trying to portray to the world versus the man he wanted to be (also of note, he is also navigating his own version of getting over his breakup). With his homeboy Chad (Neil Brown Jr.), there were instances in the series where Lawrence would just do something to get his approval but not necessarily because it was something he would feel good about in the end. Case in point, this threesome. But it also took me back to a scene earlier in the season where they are looking for a place together and Chad expresses being excited that Lawrence is shedding his “good guy” ways. So that was an interesting continuation of that theme.

Season 2, Episode 5: Molly has sex with Dro

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In terms of what she wanted, Molly always had a hard time practicing what she preached in matters of the heart. That was no different in how she moved in her situationship with Dro (Sarunas J. Jackson). I knew from the minute they first interacted on-screen that she’d end up letting him in sexually and emotionally, especially because she was not feeling ole dude that was good on paper (Sterling K. Brown). When the illusion she had of her parents’ picture-perfect marriage shattered, it was only a matter of time before she’d stray from her checklist and find herself underneath a man with whom she had no future as an act of self-sabotage.

As soon as he walked her to the door, we knew what time it was. He tried to walk away but Molly grabbed him by the hand and gave him a look that asked him to stay. And underneath Dro is exactly where she found herself at the end of the episode, leading to a series of trysts between the two that would continue throughout the remainder of the season. 

Season 2, Episode 6: Issa, Daniel, and the infamous facial

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I know the moment of the climax is the most talked-about aspect of this particular scene, but Daniel emitting that breathy moan when he first starts getting head? Yes. And him sinking into the couch before closing his eyes? Absolutely. And the attention to detail of holding her head closer to take more of “him” in when he is about to climax? Abso-fucking-lutely. To be frank, Issa’s dramatization following said unsolicited facial kind of killed what Daniel’s orgasm was doing for me, but still, I loved that we were able to get a sex scene where oral was more of the focus.

Honorable Mention: The intimate connection Molly and Dro have between them gets the visual treatment with a quick transition into them spooning. 

Season 3, Episode 1: Boundaries are a thing

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Nothing super intense or indulgent played out in this episode as far as sex scenes go, instead, it seemed to be planting seeds and establishing dynamics based on where people were in their lives. Boundaries also seemed to be an important theme, as both Molly and Issa navigated situations with men who had feelings for them (and they too had feelings for) but men they also didn’t necessarily want to get themselves too caught up on because of the mess history alluded to be on the other side.

Honorable Mention(s): There is an opening scene where Daniel is attempting to make Issa jealous or at least painfully aware of what she’s missing out on by having loud sex with someone else. The slow pan across Daniel’s body was cinematography for the books. Also, loved that brief intermission of oral between Dro and Molly where she was sitting on the counter and he was nestled in between her legs, the emphasis was placed on her pleasure. I personally loved this scene because it felt like a parallel for where they were in their situationship. Molly was in a place where she was intent upon laying out her boundaries and as the episode played out (as well as the demise of their dealings), the two were fighting for control. And by the end, they both retreated and a white flag was raised. 

Season 3, Episode 3: The Issa and Daniel sex scene that never came to be

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After a disappointing setback involving another producer, Daniel lashed out at Issa and called her out on some shit even though Issa’s line of questioning was perfectly on point. It resulted in a shutting down between both parties. Later that night though while laying together silently in bed, Daniel attempted to initiate sex with Issa. At first, she seemed to give in to his kisses and even seemed open to him eating her out, but instead of going backward with him again like we thought she would, Issa pumped the brakes and didn’t give in to the temptation because she knew the reality was, she couldn’t entertain Daniel in that way. The body is weak but the heart and mind were stronger.

Personally, I was relieved af. He’s fine but Daniel was one of the most emotionally immature men Issa had dealt with and I felt like their paths stopped and stalled so often for a reason. 

Honorable Mention: The “good morning oral sex” fantasy Issa had with Daniel involved extra spicy Hot Cheetos and some diligent head game.

Season 3, Episode 5: Issa and Nathan on the Ferris wheel

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I felt the chemistry between Issa and Nathan (Kendrick Sampson) as soon as he dropped her taco earlier on in the season so when they reunited again during Coachella, I was like immediately yes. I never knew I would need a sex scene such as this, but everything from the cool-toned lighting to the Ferris wheel setting made this a contender for one of the best sex scenes on Insecure (for me). The lead-up conversation where Nathan made Issa feel seen and supported (another reason why I like him around for her character) added to how their first time played out. Issa pulled him in for a kiss, got onto his lap, and the rest was history.

I loved Nathan’s attention to her nipple (a detail we don’t often see, especially from the main actors) and when he told her to show him how much she wanted him, I understood why sis had no choice but to put her panties to the side and pull him into an impromptu ride. 

Season 4, Episode 1: Issa and her TSA cut buddy

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After Nathan dropped the ball by turning into Ghost Bae, we are introduced to one of Issa’s next hookups at the beginning of the series’ fourth season. TSA Bae (Reggie Conquest) was putting in work and I lived for the thick fellas getting some love on the show and showing some nudity on top of that. Here for it! I also loved the nod to the sometimes underrated nature of how people look at missionary. As Issa classically said following their tryst, “Church is always in the answer.”

Honorable Mention: We got a glimpse into Lawrence and Condola’s (Christina Elmore) bedroom in this episode too, and I’ll just add it to the very short list of ways I felt did Lawrence and Condola wrong. The energy was just not…there.

Season 4, Episode 2: Issa and TSA Bae lose the condom

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TSA Bae gets another quickie in as Issa’s go-to cut buddy at the start of this season. I personally loved seeing such diversity in love interests in this show, from size to race, which is why some of the fourth season’s love scenes stand out to me. This orgasm-inducing scene between Issa and TSA Bae in particular even added some butt playto the mix. Initially, Issa is shown positioned over the side of the bed while TSA Bae is thrusting out Issa’s “stress.” After she orgasms, they switch to a modified missionary position so he can get his. Sir respectfully requests that Issa press his “button” during to intensify his climax. Here. For. It.

Honorable Mention: Take the cake Andrew (Alexander Hodge), take the cake. IYKYK. 

Season 4, Episode 7: Andrew and Molly’s vacation sex

Merie W. Wallace/HBO

On their first couple’s baecation, Andrew and Molly prioritize experimenting. Our first taste of that was when Andrew snuck his hand beneath her blanket while in the air. An easy life hack for joining the Mile High Club without joining the Mile High Club. The conversation about what they like and want to explore continues when they enter their hotel room and bring out the toys they decided to try on the trip. Molly says she knows she likes the fingering sesh from on the plane and wants to try the balcony. They take it outside where Andrew thrusts into her while holding her neck and the beauty of Puerto Vallarta surrounds them.

Honorable Mention: Molly taps into her dominant side later when she slides that thang up to Andrew’s face while he’s blindfolded. She does this before instructing Andrew to eat her ass. He humbly obliges.

Season 4, Episode 8: Issa and Lawrence reunite for real, for real this time

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I felt this reunion in my soul. Even though it was a reunion I didn’t know I was going to get, the combination of the real conversations they had and the body-to-body connection they were able to reignite by the end of the episode was everything. Lawrence and Issa were introduced as a couple at the beginning of the series and lost their way due to Issa cheating on him with Daniel. It was great to see that down the road, both of them were able to make peace with their contributions to the demise of the relationship and take accountability for their actions. It was also beautiful to note that Condola was a catalyst in Lawrence seeing something through that he might have always had a question mark about since it was shown to viewers that he was ready to marry Issa back in the first season. From the second they kissed, it seemed that they were finally coming home to each other where they had become better people and were in a better place. Coming together after falling apart.

Honorable Mention(s): Technically, the Lawrence and Issa sex montage happens at the start of the next episode but due to it being the only sex scene in episode 9, I’ll just place it here. The fact that all of the sex between the couple happened on or against his couch was a nice nod to previous episodes where a couch has seemed central to their shared intimacy. 

Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.https://www.xonecole.com/best-insecure-sex-scenes/season-1-episode-5-issas-first-time-with-daniel

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read the Hobbit! Chapters 10 & 11

The day grew lighter and warmer as they floated along.

That'll cure the hypothermia!

Okay, I'll try to ease off on this, but only because they're almost out of the barrels.

And far away, its dark head in a torn cloud, there loomed the Mountain!

It's been looming over us this whole time, so it's nice to finally see it. Plus, as a conoisseur of mountains, I can confirm that the ones that rise up without a whole range around them tend to look the coolest.

The elf-road through the wood which the dwarves had followed on the advice of Beorn now came to a doubtful and little used end at the eastern edge of the forest; only the river offered any longer a safe way from the skirts of Mirkwood in the North to the mountain-shadowed plains beyond, and the river was guarded by the Wood-elves’ king.

Thanks for the useless help, Beorn. Dude's probably chilling by the eastern end of the road with his bear buddies, wondering why his dinner is late. Like, I legit can't even give Gandalf too much shit for being behind the times even though I'm increasingly uncertain where he's been the past few years (Gondor?), but I feel like Beorn shoulda had a clue the road was no longer usable.

At the southern end the doubled waters poured out again over high waterfalls and ran away hurriedly to unknown lands.

I assume the narration here means "unknown to Bilbo", since we know from this very text that downriver is Dorwinion; this particular river flows into the Sea of Rhun.

But men remembered little of all that, though some still sang old songs of the dwarf-kings of the Mountain, Thror and Thrain of the race of Durin, and of the coming of the Dragon, and the fall of the lords of Dale.

It's been over a hundred years, so it makes sense that no one directly remembers things, but it is a bit surprising it's falling out of memory so quickly when the ruins are right fucking there.

“Well, are you alive or are you dead?” asked Bilbo quite crossly. Perhaps he had forgotten that he had had at least one good meal more than the dwarves, and also the use of his arms and legs, not to speak of a greater allowance of air.

Bilbo, you are being a complete dick about this.

Knocking outside and calling only discovered about six dwarves that could answer.

I lied, here's my last joke: the other six can't answer because they're dead!

Dwalin and Balin were two of the most unhappy, and it was no good asking them to help.

Balin loses some points here, but he's still in the lead.

“Thorin son of Thrain son of Thror King under the Mountain!” said the dwarf in a loud voice, and he looked it, in spite of his torn clothes and draggled hood. The gold gleamed on his neck and waist; his eyes were dark and deep.

Frankly you'd think the ruined clothes would completely shatter the effect. I guess they don't get too many fakers.

“We have none,” said Thorin, and it was true enough: their knives had been taken from them by the wood-elves, and the great sword Orcrist too. Bilbo had his short sword, hidden as usual, but he said nothing about that.

Tolkien, this is what we call, "Not true." Sucks about Orcrist though. It woulda been real handy in the later chapters.

“Is this true?” asked the Master. As a matter of fact he thought it far more likely than the return of the King under the Mountain, if any such person had ever existed.

Ah, here's where the clothing problem comes into play. Still though, the Master is hardly being unrealistic even if he is wrong.

The King beneath the mountains, The King of carven stone, The lord of silver fountains Shall come into his own!

See, the Rivendell elves should have been singing a variant of this if they wanted to be nice.

The Wood-elves themselves began to wonder greatly and even to be afraid. They did not know of course how Thorin had escaped, and they began to think their king might have made a serious mistake. As for the Master he saw there was nothing else for it but to obey the general clamour, for the moment at any rate, and to pretend to believe that Thorin was what he said.

I always love it when the mob is in the right and the upper class has to bow to their whims or pay the price.

Thorin looked and walked as if his kingdom was already regained and Smaug chopped up into little pieces.

While Thorin's recalcitrance towards the Elf-King was perhaps a little over the top, this is a clear indicator of the problems that Thorin will be having shortly.

He had not forgotten the look of the Mountain, nor the thought of the dragon, and he had besides a shocking cold. For three days he sneezed and coughed, and he could not go out, and even after that his speeches at banquets were limited to “Thag you very buch.”

Funny that only the guy in the barrel is particularly suffering.

“Very well! We’ll see! No treasure will come back through Mirkwood without my having something to say in the matter. But I expect they will all come to a bad end, and serve them right!”

Only three of them, though I guess one comes to a Bag End. Still, not a very good guess your haughtiness.

“Let them go and bother Smaug, and see how he welcomes them!” he thought.

Not the smartest move by the Master, considering what the risk to the town is. Hell, it even comes to pass! This guy is the worst leader we've seen so far.

The Master and his councillors bade them farewell from the great steps of the town-hall that went down to the lake. People sang on the quays and out of windows. The white oars dipped and splashed, and off they went north up the lake on the last stage of their long journey. The only person thoroughly unhappy was Bilbo.

Honestly you'd think the little dude would expect everything would be totally hunky-dory at this point because nothing has gone wrong for him in any significant way at all. I guess worriers are gonna worry.

Here they were joined by the horses with other provisions and necessaries and the ponies for their own use that had been sent to meet them.

I wonder if they'll last any longer than the last set. Their making it to the third day is clearly mostly related to the dwarves not riding them.

Balin and Bilbo rode behind, each leading another pony heavily laden beside him; the others were some way ahead picking out a slow road, for there were no paths.

I'm not sure how I can possibly twist this into an example of Balin being the best dwarf when all the others are being useful, but that's not going to stop me. Balin for best dwarf!

Nothing moved in the waste, save the vapour and the water, and every now and again a black and ominous crow.

Corvids get a really bad rap. They deserve better. If there's crows here, then there's gotta be something worth eating, they can't just be feeding on dwarf corpses that are a hundred years old.

“That does not prove it,” said Balin, “though I don’t doubt you are right. But he might be gone away some time, or he might be lying out on the mountain-side keeping watch, and still I expect smokes and steams would come out of the gates: all the halls within must be filled with his foul reek.”

Dragon poop: literally steaming apparently.

Now strange to say Mr. Baggins had more than the others. He would often borrow Thorin’s map and gaze at it, pondering over the runes and the message of the moon-letters Elrond had read. It was he that made the dwarves begin the dangerous search on the western slopes for the secret door.

Gandalf externally: "You all can't go as a set of 13, it's very unlucky!"

Gandalf internally: "You morons need a babysitter and daddy's busy."

But at last unexpectedly they found what they were seeking. Fili and Kili and the hobbit went back one day down the valley and scrambled among the tumbled rocks at its southern corner.

Some small points to these two dudes for being around while Bilbo finds things.

They beat on it, they thrust and pushed at it, they implored it to move, they spoke fragments of broken spells of opening, and nothing stirred.

Hey wow, more dwarf magic. Been awhile! Of course, Bilbo can use it too presumably so it may not be dwarf magic specifically, but still. You just don't get dwarf oral spells in much other fantasy.

Down the same way they were able occasionally to lower one of the more active dwarves, such as Kili, to exchange such news as there was, or to take a share in the guard below, while Bofur was hauled up to the higher camp.

Hey I guess Fili does exist beyond being an extension of Kili!

“I am too fat for such fly-walks,” he said.

Fuck off Tolkien. I don't care that at the end of the paragraph you clarify that it's not true. You've gone to this well too many times!

Bilbo found sitting on the doorstep lonesome and wearisome—there was not a doorstep, of course, really, but they used to call the little grassy space between the wall and the opening the “doorstep” in fun, remembering Bilbo’s words long ago at the unexpected party in his hobbit-hole, when he said they could sit on the doorstep till they thought of something.

Will THIS be the last time?

"I might have known that something dreadful would happen to me in the end. I don’t think I could bear to see the unhappy valley of Dale again, and as for that steaming gate! ! !”

Poor Bilbo, 3 exclamation points is a sign of someone bordering on madness. Also yeah them sending him through the Front Gate is pretty rich on their part, invisibility or no.

There on the grey stone in the grass was an enormous thrush, nearly coal black, its pale yellow breast freckled with dark spots. Crack! It had caught a snail and was knocking it on the stone. Crack! Crack!

Shame they couldn't be arsed to reread the runes and had to find it solely by coincidence. These asshole dwarves don't deserve their treasure; Bilbo should get it all.

Now they all pushed together, and slowly a part of the rock-wall gave way. Long straight cracks appeared and widened. A door five feet high and three broad was outlined, and slowly without a sound swung inwards. It seemed as if darkness flowed out like a vapour from the hole in the mountain-side, and deep darkness in which nothing could be seen lay before their eyes, a yawning mouth leading in and down.

11 chapters and they've only just now reached the dungeon. It's just like every D&D campaign I've ever played!

[eclipse-ofthe-sun]

I heard links meet au with HW and MM link

*plops onto the nearest bean bag *

I am SO IN!

Hell yeah!!

We're still getting all the introductions together right now for a solid sideblog creation (@amarynth my beloved is drawing them all) but i do have some details!!

We're calling it History of the Hero au, and it has six of the links in it, for a more managable cast (composed of links we know the best lol). We've also put our own little spins on them, most notably with ages, genders, and sexuality, but that'll come with proper introduction post! The cast is:

Mask, aka oot/mm link Mercy, aka hw link Sailor, aka ww/ph link Wolf, aka tp link Mage, aka albw/la link Link, aka botw link

I'm super excited for it!! It won't be a full on long form story like a lot of the other links meet aus, mostly just one shots and some fun little proposed/discussed ideas to make it more managable, but i hope people like it anyway :3 i'm super attached to what we have planned so far

In fact, i shall give you a little snippet of what i have for a particular conundrum Mask and Mercy find themselves in...

He puts the empty potion bottle into his little belt pouch for later use, and claps Mask on the shoulder.

“Let’s find our way outta here, yeah?”

After a bit of struggle getting the both of them up and on their feet, they come to an arrangement. They have their arms linked, allowing them to lean on each other as much as they need, while still keeping some mobility. Mercy has the fire rod in his hand in case they come across any monsters, and Mask is holding his shield, to defend them both. Mercy knows he could in theory go without his cane or any other supports (he’s done it before) but if they’re travelling for a while it'll only increase the need to rest sooner. Besides, there’s a part of him that wants to keep some form of physical contact with Mask, to make sure he’s safe and close by. 

Moving in the direction of Mask’s scattered inventory, the long hallway they found themselves in leads to a second, longer hallway. It intersects theirs like a T, both paths seemingly equal in length and size. Just as likely to lead to danger, or freedom, that means. Instead of the purple of the previous walls, these walls are two different colours - the left path, blue, and the right, red. They look both ways then at each other.

“What’s your favourite colour, Mask?”

“Green.”

“Well mine’s blue, we’re going the blue path.”

The blue path ends with a right turn - but this one has no walls that reach the ceiling and cages them in. Instead, they find themselves on a balcony looking over a maze. 

The maze is massive, reaching almost so far either side of them that they cannot see the end of it. The paths are narrow, winding about each other in tight knit rows and spirals, only a few pockets of open space left bare among the labyrinth. Where some of the walls intersect, there are circular platforms of dulled colour underneath - in the very same red and blue that have lined their path.  They head further across the balcony, glancing back to see how far it leads in the direction they've just come from, and spot a door. Two large, heavy looking gold doors, closed and sealed with a huge lock. The boss room.

[steadybelieverpersona]

Ch.13: Custodian of Clouds(3/4)

At the top of Mt.Aocang, the trio looked around for Cloud Retainer but didn't see her, only a stone table under a tree in the middle of the pond

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Paimon: Hey, who put this table here? They've even set it ready for dinner. There's a wine jug and everything...

Paimon: Ooh, they even have the guests' names carved into the seats! "Here sits, Retainer..." "Here sits Guizhong..." "Here sits Rex..." Maybe "Rex" is short for "Rex Lapis"? But Paimon has no idea about "Guizhong."

Y/n: "Guizhong? That's my middle name, but from what Dad told me, this table is millenia old, so it's impossible for this seat to be reserved for me."

Paimon: As for "Retainer," hmm... That's it! When Moon Carver was going through the names of his adepti buddies, he said there was one called "Cloud Retainer." So, this must be where Cloud Retainer and the other adepti have their dinner parties! Hehe, how about we cook up some extra-special dishes for the adepti? We're sure to get Cloud Retainer's attention that way! But... What do adepti even eat, anyway? Paimon has no idea... Hmm, people must make offerings here all the time. Guess all we can do is look around the area for any leftovers, maybe that'll give us some ideas. Do you think maybe it's at all possible that the adepti might like to try some... Sticky Honey Roast?

Y/n: Well, Cloud Retainer really enjoyed eating with the other adepti, so I guess any food offerings will work, look, there's different areas with stoves, there could be recipes for food there, let's split up and make the food and then place the offerings here and then enter Cloud Retainer's domain

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After looking around and making Mora meat, Matsutake Meat Rolls, and Jewelry Soup and offering them, they entered the domain, and soon, a voice could be heard

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Cloud Retainer: One senses the presence of a Sigil of Permission... One knows not why you both have come, though the sincerity of your offering is clear... Hence, you both shall be granted an opportunity. Find your way through mine abode, and you both shall receive an audience with the adeptus whom you both seek.

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After finding their way through the domain and solving the puzzles that Cloud Retainer set up

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Cloud Retainer: One is most impressed. The path that leads through this abode defies those of ordinary abilities. The one before you both is the adeptus, Cloud Retainer. Now, speak of the matter which brings you both here.

Aether: Did you build this whole place?

Cloud Retainer: You surmise correctly. This place did oneself build, as did one design the mechanisms within. In fact, even Guizhong and Rex Lapis themselves found one's technological accomplishments to be worthy of commendation.

Y/n: Cloud Retainer's mechanisms also still surprise me after all this time

Cloud Retainer: One is glad to see and interact with Y/n as well after all this time

Paimon: This place is huge! And there are so many mechanisms... Do you really have this whole place to yourself? What's it even for? Did you build it as your private mechanism workshop or something? It's just like the stories say. The adepti leave the human world, find somewhere to go be a hermit, and then they research and invent all these amazing things...

Cloud Retainer: One is simply not partial to the tedium of social interaction and wishes to find some peace and quiet. Find it one did... Shortly after which, you both arrived bearing your Sigil of Permission, and one is familiar to the aura of the child of the archons... But enough! State the matter that brings you both here, at once! You both have disturbed the tranquility of this place for long enough.

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Aether explains what happened in Liyue Harbor.

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Cloud Retainer: Rex Lapis... Assassinated!? How can this be!? Such a heinous crime... Who would dare? The notion is so preposterous as to be unbelievable... one shall have to verify the truth of the matter independently......Perhaps one shall quash Liyue first, then convene with the other adepti–

Aether: ... Excuse me!?

Paimon: Wait, what!? Did you just say "squash Liyue Harbor"? Are you seriously gonna wipe out the whole city?

Cloud Retainer: Only a response of sufficient magnitude can negate the possibility of further incidents.

Aether: But the adepti are sworn to protect the city...

Cloud Retainer: It is as you say. We have protected Liyue Harbor under the leadership of Rex Lapis for 37 centuries. But in the face of this coup by nefarious actors... exceptional measures must be taken.

Paimon: Yikes! Quick, you guys gotta think of something! She wants to squash Liyue flat, and it doesn't seem like she's bluffing!

Y/n: Uh, Cloud Retainer, you accepted our offering, which makes this a contract. Correct?

Paimon: Exactly what Paimon was gonna say! We made all that delicious food and gave every last bit of it to you! We were hoping you might help Liyue out... not wipe Liyue out! ...Or at least let's... y'know, discuss it first? It can't hurt for you to get a second opinion.

Cloud Retainer: "Contract..." A cruel irony that you should appeal to the notion after the merciless murder of the God of Contracts himself. The people of Liyue seem quite content to dispense with their contracts. They are quite adept at taking that which is composed of black and white, and turning it gray... Nevertheless... Since you all come here in the name of contracts, far be it from one to abandon one's own contractual obligations. Least of all when you come bearing a Sigil of Permission... *sigh* Rex Lapis infused these sigils with adeptal power when he first cast them. That power once aided humans in battle. Most of the sigil's power has long since worn off... It is but a keepsake now. This keepsake can not be taken as proof of your trustworthiness, only the child of the archons can be trusted since we adepti have sworn to protect her since her birth. One must investigate the claims that you all make independently. This, no doubt, is Moon Carver's very reason for summoning us. Your audience with the adeptus before you is now concluded. Leave at once, and disturb me no further.

Skit:

Paimon: You know since the adepti have known Y/n since she was a baby, Paimon wonders how Y/n looked like and acted when she was a baby, Paimon bets Y/n looked adorable

Cloud Retainer: hah! One has great memories of Y/n, she was so cute and tiny, very curious and playful. One recalls making Y/n her toys and her crib and one especially remembered how one along with Rex Lapis caught kid Y/n eating a spoonful of honey.

Y/n: I remember the toys and crib part but I don't remember the honey part. I guess the sweet tooth went away

Paimon: Aww that sounds so cute

[eisheartoffantasy]

Entry #16. How Do You Love? How Do You Lie?

Corny title, I know. But it's my journal. My feelings.

Anyways, the girl I mentioned whom I have a crush on — let's call her Silvia — is still very much in my life.

The way she teasingly tells me good night, calls me by those silly nicknames she randomly comes up with, shares all her bizarre dreams and listens to me talk about mine... I'm in love with it.

When my dark thoughts take over, typically when I'm overworked or in a depressive episode at night, the thing I want to do the most is to text or call her. When something positive happens in my life (which honestly isn't that often of an occurrence), the person I want to share it with is her.

But the clearest sign of my crush on her is my jealousy. We have a mutual friend, whom I shall call Hana, who is by my perception closer to her. My main reason for this conclusion is that while I've given Silvia numerous gifts, she hasn't given me as many and yet she's given Hana quite a lot. That is not to assume she treats Hana better than she treats me objectively — for all I know, maybe Hana has given her more gifts herself, but that would suggest even more strongly that the two of them are closer.

Wow...I'm reading the above paragraph right after I finished writing it. What an over-analysis, huh?

I got quite jealous for sure, even verging on resentment towards Hana. So what did I do?

I befriended Hana. I made sure to be as nice to her as possible. I did it to the point where Hana explicitly told me that I'm one of the coolest girls she's met, and I feigned confidence in response, telling her that being thought of as cool is a great source of motivation to become even cooler.

Genuinely, Hana is an absolute sweetie. If it weren't for my unrequited (and unknown) feelings for Silvia, I'm sure I could be very close friends with her. In fact, if my feelings weren't in the way, the three of us could be such an iconic trio of best friends. Silvia, the most sociable and experienced in life to enlighten us with knowledge and hope; Hana, the "cinnamon roll" who deserves to be totally spoiled by us like a little sister; me, the cool one who brings tons of laughter and will wholeheartedly support my besties through any difficult situation.

If only I wasn't so petty.

If...only...I...wasn't...in...love.

Of course, my feelings can NOT become known. At the very least not right now, not in my current mental state — to put it simply, I haven't been my best self. I'm still depressed and anxious half the time, barely finding a direction in life. Silvia is like a beam of sunshine in my gloom-filled world, and I'm quite certain a romantic confession would ruin our friendship. Even if Silvia herself is unfazed by it, I know I would feel embarrassed to the point where my depression would worsen into an endless spiral, ultimately leading to an emotional explosion and to me losing even more than our friendship.

Plus, Silvia has a husband whom I'm also acquainted with. I can't do this to a married couple, even if the most likely outcome is that they'll just see me as a younger friend who developed an insignificant crush that'll naturally fade with aging.

So for now, I must keep lying. It's a harmless lie.

Well, I guess it's a little harmful to myself...but in this situation the truth is more harmful. And the truth is potentially harmful to other parties as well. So it's only clear which way the scale should tilt.

Silvia, Hana, I want to become close friends with both of you in the future, when I'm out of my mental health limbo. This part I'll never lie about.

Ei, you're in love with Silvia right now, that's okay and I allow you to possess this crush for as long as you feel it...but you must not make it known to anyone who knows you in real life. Hence why I'm allowing for this entry to be written. But this is where it stops, alright?

If questioned, you just lie. You tell them that you're still battling depression and other mental illnesses. Say you're slowly healing, which isn't a lie really. It's modified truth and it's the option that does minimal damage.

With warmth and hopefulness,

Ei

[biofreak659]

Okay I shall put it here...

My goofy and as of yet unnamed story about Jedi and such

Hehehe

Holche Vro knelt down and placed the transparent gorrick frog into a patch of crystaline grass. Then, she dusted off her hands, walked across the encampment, and retrieved another gorrick frog from the shade of a supply crate. She turned around, and walked back to the edge of the camp, and placed it into another patch of grass.

"You're making me dizzy." A Republic trooper complained, head swiveling as he tracked her across the camp. "Don't have anything better to do than play with toads?"

"These are frogs," she corrected him, "and the only thing I can do until Dorock Vares arrives is pace and become nervous. This is more useful. What are you doing, Seargent Kreel?"

Kreel scoffed. "Resting my ass. They expect us to jump half across the galaxy to grab some Jedi, no offense, and then jump half back to some glittery backwater on a moment's notice and with no fuel. I deserve a sit."

"Then sit, by all means." Holche found the last frog stranded by their sudden presence and returned it to its damp home.

Kreel scoffed. "Yeah. Like that'll last long."

The deafening roar of a drop ship landing overhead drowned out whatever he was complaining about, but his expression was fun to watch.

Holche turned to watch the ship land.

By all rights, she should have been placed in the AgriCorps, she mused as the engines shut off, leaving silence ringing in their wake. It was simply a fluke of luck that she was occasionally gifted with foresight, and a good head for investigation. She could fight too, of course, but combat wasn't what made a Jedi Knight.

"Holche!" A tall Trandoshan man strode out of the shuttle, ignoring the harried troopers trying to force him to follow procedure. He hopped down from the ramp before it was fully extended. He flung his arms out. "I almost couldn't spot you; you were made for this planet. How have you been?"

"Dorock," Holche bowed slightly to him, then accepted his shoulder jarring handshake. "I trust you traveled well?"

"I never do, on Navy ships." Dorock groused, rubbing his back. "They never install the dampeners correctly. Yanked from my life of luxury to play messenger boy on some backwater."

"How will you ever recover?" Holche said drolly. Dorock was, officially, the Jedi liason to the Republic Senate. He represented them as a neutral party in Galatic government affairs. Contrary to his griping, it was far from a glamorous job, and mostly consisted of getting into shouting matches about Mandalorian incursions and catching his daily twenty minutes of sleep in his office chair. This must have felt like a vacation.

"Perhaps I'll finally take time off. I've accumulated enough leave to vanish to Scarif for a year or two." He jerked his head. "Let's take this to the command tent."

"Of course. And then your Scarif vacation."

"I want a tan. My scales are so dull. Coruscant is awful on my skin." Dorock held open the tent flap, and sealed it behind her.

Holche walked over and turned on the old holomap projector. It whirled to life, cranking out heat as it did.

"This won't last long before it overheats and we need to shut it down." She said. "Speak quickly."

"Alright." Dorock tapped a section of the planet, expanding the region. "This is the Gorrick deepwell. It's an unmined crystal field. The way the conflict with the Mandalorians is ramping up, the Republic wants to secure fuel for the Armada."

"And somehow I factor into this?"

"There's a mining operation already in place, but it's been abandoned. I'd like you to look into it; see why no one ever pulled anything out of there."

"You want me to look into it?"

"The Senate does."

"Not the Council?"

"No. This is a favor. A gesture of goodwill." Dorock sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Revan going rogue and leading that little cult against the Mandalorians is making noise. The Senate wants to mobilize the Jedi as a military."

Holche's eyes widened. "We're peacekeepers, not soldiers."

"I know." Dorock shut down the map. "Look, I promised Senator Bak I would get him a fuel deposit. He'll back my vote against militarizing the Jedi, and his backers will back him. It's all politics."

"The Jedi are independent." Holche said. "The Senate can't command that we go to war."

"No," Dorock agreed, "but they can collect rent and tax on the temple on Coruscant. They can remove me from the Senate. They can demand the system of taking younglings be formalized and bog you down in so much bureaucracy that the Order never takes another Padawan. Trust me: we need to stay in their good graces."

Holche nodded. "I understand, but why couldn't this conversation be over holo? I don't see why you had to come in person to tell me to investigate a mine."

Dorock shook his head. "Not just this mine. I'm using this planet as a base of operations. There are a few non-Republic planets in this sector who could be convinced to formally join, especially if we can promise protection from the Mandalorians. That's my half of the favor."

Holche patted his shoulder. It was stiff and very tense under the layers of opulent fabric. "Please try and rest, before you go. It's no use playing diplomat if you collapse from exhaustion midway through your speech."

"I could say the same to you. You look pale." Dorock said, snorting at his own joke.

Holche exhaled and rolled her colorless eyes. "Yes, that's a very original joke. I've never heard it before."

"I'm sure." He handed her a bulky comlink. It weighed about two kilos, and wrapped around her waist like a belt. She tugged the lead up through her tunic and attached the pickup to her neck, and placed the speaker in her ear. She tuned the comlink to the base's operating frequency.

"This is Holche Vro, testing communication, over."

"Holche Vro, this is Seargent Loow at the communication tent, we read you loud and clear. Over."

Loud and clear it was; Holche could hear the woman shouting into the microphone from across the camp.

"Understood. Out." Holche removed her hand from the activator and turned back to Dorock.

"That's high tech," he said, "don't break it."

"I'll do my best. Good luck with your diplomacy."

"Thanks. I figure you'll have an easier time of it getting lost in that old mining complex."

"What, you want to switch?"

Dorock laughed. "Absolutely not."

Holche shook her head and absently waved her hand, then exited the command tent to the small tent she shared with the two female Republic soldiers. Seargent Loow was on duty in communication, but Lieutenant Jormmun was in her bunk. Her eyes flashed open when she heard Holche enter the tent.

"Here for your shuteye?" She mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

"Just my supplies." Holche found her backpack, already packed with rations, water, and a survival kit.

"Too bad." Jormmun rolled over, exposing her bare back. Holche turned away to give her her privacy, and found the glowrod that had rolled under her cot.

She clipped it on her belt beside her lightsaber, then hefted her backpack over her shoulders and exited the tent. She quietly borrowed one of the speeder bikes, and left without telling Dorock. He had his own problems to deal with, and Holche would gladly leave him to his politicians.

She walked the speeder to the edge of the camp before swinging a leg over and gunning the engine. Gorrick was a pale, crystalline planet. Silicone, as opposed to carbon, was the molecule of life. Holche sped past translucent grass fluttering up to her hips, and dodged massive spires of quartz. She emerged from the relatively protected area where they laid camp into an open field.

Exhaling, she flung her arms out to the side and threw her head back, laughing from the exertion of it. Her cloak fluttered madly behind her, and she pulled her hair stick out. Her braid whipped back and forth in the wind.

The speeder jostled under her as it zipped over a rock, so she stopped playing and put both hands back on the controls.

There was a small building in the distance: the mine office. Holche wound her hair back up and parked the speeder bike about thirty meters away from the building. It was about five meters cubed; a neat little building, all things considered. It was blocky and unpleasant next to the wild beauty of Gorrick, but Holche could appreciate the simplicity. She carefully opened the door and stepped inside, shining her glowrod around the building. There was a small control station with a cracked moniter, and a large industrial lift platform, which took up the bulk of the space.

Holche half-heartedly pressed the power switch, and was unsurprised when the system remained dead.

She peered down the lift shaft. Dark. Again, unsurprised. She weighed her options, then went with her gut impulse and dropped her glowrod down the shaft. It illuminated the tunnel as it fell, revealing the jagged cut of the shaft. It hit the ground and bounced, then the light cut out. Holche grimaced, but carefully dropped down the tunnel regardless, concentrating on her feet and legs as she landed, so as not to shatter them on impact. Her commlink didn't pick up signal underground, but she'd expected that. Even if she had been too incompetent to climb the rough cut walls out, she had a grapple attached to her belt.

Holche shook her head and stepped blindly forwards. Her toe kicked the glowrod, and she knelt down to pick it up. It was dead, probably broken, so she clipped it to her belt and instead ignited her lightsaber, holding it in front of her. The tunnel loomed in front of her.

An odd tension twisted in her stomach. Something… was going to happen. Not here. Further in the tunnels.

"As you wish." She muttered to herself, and let her feet follow where the Force led. Holche took a long and twisting path through the tunnels. Solid chunks of crystal jutted out from the walls of the tunnels. This was eventually processed into some component of hypermatter, and by Holche's untrained eye, must have been worth a fortune. The fuel was here, but why had no one ever mined it? And for that matter, where were the miners? Droids were used for the initial extraction, and Holche could see old signs of them, but sentients were better at retrieving the delicate crystal. They were cheaper, too.

Holche put aside her criticisms of the Republic and came to an open chamber. Well, open was a bit of an exaggeration. Massive crystals speared across the room, taller than some of the buildings on Coruscant. A tiny crack at the surface of the cavern let a few thin rays of sunlight filter through the crystals.

Holche's eyes went soft, and her throat went dry at the beauty of it.

The Force twisted her stomach.

She dropped, crouching on her knees.

A slug narrowly flew over her head and shattered a nearby crystal. Holche rolled and twisted, bringing her lightsaber up, then immediately extinguishing it and dropping to her stomach as another slug flew overhead.

Slugthrower. She scrambled behind a crystal and held her breath, listening hard.

Heavy boots crunched over the shattered crystal. Her assailant emptied the shells, which bounced musically across the ground, then reloaded with a solid thunk.

Muffled breathing, the subtle creak of oiled happabore leather, the metal scrape of beskar… A Mandalorian.

Why was there a Mandalorian on Gorrick?

A shard of crystal fell from the cave ceiling and answered her question: obviously, for the same reason she was here.

The Mandalorian silently stepped forwards, just out of sight of her shelter. Of course, the Mandalorian knew she was here. There was nowhere else to go. Getting too close was dangerous. She had a sword. The Mandalorian had a gun. Probably more than one.

Holche palmed a crystal shard, then lunged out from behind the crystal, throwing the shard at the Mandalorian's head and darting further into the cavern.

Some of the crystals brushed the ceiling. If she could make it up, she could escape through the small crack in the ceiling. That, she thought, hurdling over a crystal, or she could double back and exit through the lift shaft.

A shot shattered the crystal next to her face, blocking off her path and forcing her to venture deeper into the cavern.

Or she could get shot. That too.

Holche rounded the next turn and slid under an outcropping. She covered her mouth and nose and waited. Sure enough, the Mandalorian slowly approached.

He was methodical. Unrelenting. Holche reached into the Force. Don't notice me.

The Mandalorian reached her hiding spot, and stilled. Holche projected boredom. Nothing to see here but a few more crystals.

The Mandalorian moved on. Holche ripped herself out of the crevice and hooked the Mandalorian's boot with her foot, sending him toppling to the ground with a grunt. She yanked away the slugthrower with the Force, and tossed it off into the distance.

"Who are you?" She said, trying to hide the adrenaline shake in her voice with the snap-hiss of her lightsaber igniting. The Mandalorian barely shifted, but Holche could feel him glance disdainfully down at the lightsaber at their throat.

"Roll over," she said, pulling a pair of binders from her belt. The Mandalorian's hidden gaze raked over her. Holche felt a curl of disgust. She had been judged, and found wanting. "On your stomach. Put your arms behind your back."

The Mandalorian moved, and for a foolish half-second, Holche actually thought he was complying. Gut instinct slammed her to the ground before the Mandalorian's spiked toe could drive up through her throat. She rolled back, only to catch the Mandalorian's fist with her stomach.

Holche gagged, curling around the Mandalorian's arm. She managed a few, weak blows to the joints of the Mandalorian's armor, but none of it seemed to do much. Holche pushed herself away, one hand cradling her abdomen, and held out her lightsaber.

They circled each other wairily. The Mandalorian blocked her way back to the entrance. Her only exit now was up. Holche's eyes darted past the Mandalorian, eyeing the tunnel that would lead out.

The Mandalorian scoffed, metallic inside his helmet, then dropped and tackled her without warning. The Force screamed the second her back hit the ground. Her lightsaber flew out of her hand, clattering off in the distance.

Holche worked her leg free, and kneed the Mandalorian in the side. The Mandalorian grunted, then wrapped his hands around Holche's throat and squeezed.

Holche's eyes bugged, and she scrabbled at the Mandalorian's hands, trying to break that beskar grip. The hum in her head grew louder, and her vision narrowed in on the Mandalorian.

There was a crack. For a delirious second, Holche thought it was her throat.

Then the ground under her back collapsed, and she realized why the mine was inactive.

[roman-cates]

Bryce locks Roman in and goes back to the kitchen, shoulder aching. He swallows a third pill to help. Just as he's putting down his water, Mallory's sedan pulls up outside. He opens the door and steps back, knowing she likes to make an entrance.

Mallory waltzes in carrying an office archives box, stamped "FBI" on the side and filled to the brim with papers. Balanced on top are two bulging plastic bags bearing the logo of a Chinese takeout place Bryce particularly likes. She drops all of it on the kitchen table and looks around expectantly.

"Where's your new pet, Bryce?" She pitches her voice high and carrying and calls, "Here, puppy, come here."

"He's locked in the guest room." Bryce's tone is flat, uninviting.

She twirls to face him. "The guest room? The big room with just a chain and lock on the door?" She sounds incredulous. "He's behaved that well?"

"He's been well behaved, for the most part." Bryce keeps his voice even.

"So? So, why can't he come out and play?"

"We have work to do, Mallory." He gestures at the box. "Congratulations, by the way. I know you've been after that for months." Bryce could have gotten it weeks ago, but Boss wanted to see Mallory work on her own, and so he's never shared that tidbit with Mal.

"Oh, thanks!" Her smile lights up the room. "It wasn't easy, you know…" And she launches into the story of acquiring the papers, Roman forgotten for the moment. Bryce nods along, interjecting in all the right places. The pain

When she's done, he gestures to the box, "Let's get to work, shall we?" Her ego fed, she's amenable. They spend an hour just sorting papers into piles. Bryce has to gently correct her a few times, which she takes with unusual grace.

They pause for lunch, and Mallory returns to her attention to the subject of Bryce's new pet.

"How long do you think he'll last?" She asks idly, gesturing with her chopsticks towards the guest room. "He was in pretty bad shape."

"Oh, I've patched him up a bit," Bryce says, casually. He has to anticipate that someone will see Roman at some point, and he needs his stories to match. "Even let him use crutches, sometimes. I don't foresee any problems."

"Oh, wow. That's impressive, Bryce. I guess you did always take good care of your things."

Bryce shrugs neutrally. He needs to steer this conversation in a different direction, but Mallory tends to come back to a thing again and again.

"So, what have you done so far? Knives, whips, what?"

"Knives," he says. "Just knives, so far." He can sell that, with all the fresh wounds Roman had when he arrived. "But he's mine, and I will be the only one playing with him."

"No water?" She doesn't sound disappointed, like he thought she would. She sounds…almost excited.

"Mal…" His voice conveys his lack of patience, but she pushes on.

"I just mean, we're in this house, and we've had sooo much fun in that bathroom before, it'd be a shame to waste another opportunity, right?" She sees the look on his face and reassures him, "It won't do permanent damage, we're good enough at it."

"Mallory." His patience is totally gone now, and he lets it show, injecting heavy steel in his voice. "My agreement with Boss was that no one messes with my household. Do I need to bring this up with her?"

"Seriously? You're pulling consultant privileges on me?" She's amazed, a little annoyed, but mostly petulant. She knows this is a fight she won't win. Or that'll it be a Pyrrhic victory for her if she does, winning the battle but losing the trust of Boss, and therefore the position she's being groomed for.

"Look," he reasons with her, "I don't come over to your place and interfere. Don't you think I deserve the same courtesy?" Or even more, because while she outranks him here, his value is respected in cities spanning the country.

"Fiiiiiine. Honestly, I don't know why I bother. You're just allergic to fun." She gives a dramatic pout.

He just stares at her, refusing to be dragged in.

"In other news you might care about, that lead you gave me on the Only Dark Coffee Cafe was really good. Jordan was there recently. Like, after-they-disappeared recently."

Bryce does perk up at that. "Yeah? How often were they seen there?"

"Just the once, so far. But I'm hopeful."

Bryce leans forward, letting her see his interest. "Tell me more."

Previous

Moments after Bryce walks away from the door, Roman notices a shoebox on the nightstand. He reaches over and picks it up, looking at the note on the top. It reads, "for poetry, and art until I can get you real supplies. --B"

Roman opens the box to see a pencil and paper inside. That makes him smile a little. Silently, he takes out the pencil and a piece of paper, setting the paper on top of the shoebox and drawing a little. For the first time in years.

It's not very long before Roman hears Mallory arrive. He listens closely as he continues to draw, but his pencil pauses when she starts asking about him. He's suddenly very, very glad that he cannot, "come out and play."

Bryce and Mallory talk business for a while and, even though he's still listening, Roman loses track of the conversation at some point. He doesn't really understand what they're talking about.

"How long do you think he'll last?" He hears Mallory ask. Is she asking about him again? He can't tell, but he listens more closely now. "He was in pretty bad shape." Probably talking about him, then, he decides.

Bryce says something about patching him up and crutches. Roman thinks he might be trying to steer the conversation away from him, but he's not sure.

"So, what have you done so far? Knives, whips, what?" He hears Mallory's voice again and it makes him flinch a little bit, reminding him acutely of his time with J.

"Knives," Bryce says. "Just knives, so far." As much as he hates to think about it, that's probably very believable with all the unhealed cuts on his body. "But he's mine, and I will be the only one playing with him." Bryce continues. Even though Roman knows that Bryce hasn't hurt him thus far, that statement is still very unnerving.

"No water?" Mallory asks. Damn, why does she sound excited? That's much more concerning than Bryce's previous statement. Bryce tries to interrupt, but Mallory presses on. "I just mean, we're in this house, and we've had sooo much fun in that bathroom before, it'd be a shame to waste another opportunity, right? It won't do permanent damage, we're good enough at it."

Roman freezes. His thoughts are a mess. He should have probably guessed, but he hadn't. In this house... in that bathroom. And water. And Roman knows immediately that people have been waterboarded in that bathroom. On multiple occasions. By Mallory and Bryce.

Roman refuses to let his thoughts wander very far into how long he spent in that bathroom after Bryce brought him back here. Those thoughts will haunt him later if not now, though. It makes Roman feel sick to his stomach.

Bryce has not one time brought up anything related to that bathroom. Which isn't surprising, but it's incredibly alarming the extent to which he does not care about things that have happened in that space.

Roman loses track of where the conversation goes for a moment, trying to drag himself out of his thoughts. The next thing he hears Mallory say, is, "in other news you might care about, that lead you gave me on the Only Dark Coffee Cafe was really good. Jordan was there recently. Like, after-they-disappeared recently."

That shakes the rest of Roman's thoughts away— for now at least.

[cloud-ya]

Thanks for the permission to rant. Going in Flamechaser order.

Kevin: Mei saying she's disappointed in him (or his leadership) in chapter 29/30 should have been a scene that happens much earlier in my opinion. We've gotten almost no information from him that'll be useful besides knowledge on the PE Herrschers. We know he likes eating ramen, whoopie. How is that in any way helpful to the characters in the story? It isn't. But I guess putting in some humor for the player doesn't hurt. We also know that with his MANTIS powers he's incredibly strong, so that's some foreshadowing for a eventual fight with him, sure. But besides that? He offers nothing but silence, refusal to answer questions and a Kaslana stubbornness that is endearing on Kiana but annoying on him.

Elysia: Ah yes, the sexual harasser. The Pink Elf that can't shut up about herself and how great she is. Of course, she'll throw in some compliments about you...then mention how you're at her level in the same sentence. Signet of Ego is fitting for her, because she clearly has one. Blackmailing Mei with Raven's whereabouts and potential wellbeing doesn't exactly seem like a heroic thing to do, but the fandom seems to missed that part. Sure, she pulled Mei's butt out of danger several times in the ER (Mobius, Kalpas, potentially even Aponia) and even assist Raven while she was searching for answers/leads/clues. And in the backstories did help out several of the other Flamechasers (including calling Kevin out during the Tragedy of Binding, and shielding Hua with her crystal barrier) but besides that? The only reason I hate that she died in 29 was because she was holding answers on the 13th Herrscher, otherwise I really couldn't care.

Aponia: Sexual harasser number 2. Consent, what's that? Letting people decide their own fate/destiny/actions, what's that? Not brainwashing people into doing whatever you want, what's that? Sure she's attractive, but honestly that's all she has going for her.

Eden: Now this might be a surprise, because people generally seems to like Eden. And I do. But this is a rant about the Flamechaser, so it's that aspect of Eden I shall rant about. In terms of ER lore, she's useless. She provides little to no useful information when she's sober, and when drunk she's of even less use. Otherwise she's actually one of my favorite.

Vill-V: Maybe chapter 30 and 31 will change my opinion on her once we learn more, but for now she's only useful and relevant in being the one that made several of the Divine Keys, and making Dr.MEI seem less of a Mary Sue in terms of intelligence. Seriously, having a single person be responsible for making all of PE's tech (MANTIS, Divine Keys, Stigmatas, etc..) is just ridiculous. Oh, and Vill-V is interesting to watch.

Kalpas: Another one of my favorite character, but disliked Flamechaser. Seeing him be angry at other characters is great, because I don't tend to like them very much. Seeing him be of no help whatsoever in getting answers isn't great, because he actually has answers but refuses to share. The scenes with Mei asking Kalpas about Sakura and a 'traitor' setting Kalpas off, and then with Mei asking Kalpas about Aponia are two examples of the writers using Kalpas's rage wonderfully, having him get angry once they've given us just enough information. I just dislike how the ER keeps stringing us along.

Su: I'm sorry, does he actually do anything in the ER? I really wish Durandal would visit ER just so she can kick/punch him in the gut again.

Sakura: I know she's a fan favorite, but besides that, she's useless in the ER outside of explaining terms that we've learned in the ER. Cocoon, her history with Kalpas, MOTH, being an assassin sent to kill Dr.MEI, etc...because she doesn't have memories of the Herrscher of Corruption onwards, she's pretty much worthless in terms of knowledge.

Kosma: Somehow completely worthless and useful at the same time. We know more about Project Ark thanks to his files, we also know more about Vishnu which can imply things for Theresa's future, and we know how strong Kevin can be because Kosma can only match him in raw strength. But his utter refusal to answer questions ('...Forget it' is only entertaining a number of times) and stonewalling of Mei's progress into the Deep End makes him low on my list of favorite Flamechaser.

Mobius: I actually like her as a character, both her OG self and ER Sim self. Her relationship with Klein and other Flamechasers is a breath of fresh air. She has a clear goal in mind, and doesn't really care about other's opinion. All in all, good Snake, nice little Hiss Hiss and Rattle Rattle. Could do without the attempt at body jacking though. Her explaining things about the biological topics/projects of PE is also interesting, since it affects a number of CE characters. The Kaslana thanks to their Stigma, Hua because duh, Vodka Girls because basically CE MANTIS.

Griseo: She paints. She helped Mei during ER Chapter 3. She has ties to Project Ark. There's really nothing else to say.

Hua: She's useless in the ER. Because she wipes her memory so damn often, we're left with someone who wants to help but is incapable of helping. I swear, all we needed was for IRL Hua or Senti to enter ER, sync their memories with ER Hua, and we'll have so many of the answers we want, but instead we're stuck with chasing clues like a headless chicken...so Hua after Otto shot her.

Pardofelis: She's useless in combat, but could you believe she's actually the MVP of ER? She's been nothing but helpful to Mei, even if she does care about profits, she got Mei a way to the deeper parts of ER, dragged Mei out to the lobby when Aponia did her thing, and provided answers to questions when asked without stonewalling Mei. And no, asking for payment hardly counts.

my conclusion to that is that mihoyo tries to show flamechasers as ordinary people a bit too much? like okay we get it, those warriors are your regular every day people you could meet anywhere who just ended up getting fucked up real bad by war and destruction around them, but they kinda forget that they are actually professional soldiers and not random people with funny powers? instead of giving mei answers she came for and exposing her to knowledge about the previous world and its mechanisms by the way they shoved her in some sort of sitcom that tries to be funny by force