#we went to Monks’ which was great

[horsegirlhob]

I tend to not consider myself very active but I just came back from a 5 day hiking and camping roadtrip and the first thing I did today after getting home was take a 2 hour walk so actually I think I’m just so affraid of the gym.

[jonathanrogersartist]

How 'The Acolyte' Disappointed Me, and Why the Themes of 'Star Wars' Matter

Someone recently commented on my 'On the Dark Side, the Jedi and the Moral Decay of Star Wars' essay with these words: 

"A lot of words for saying 'I don't like the newer media, but I won't get into specifics as to why.'"

Okay! I shall then finally clarify those specifics....

That first essay has, so far, been my biggest success on this blog, and it's attracted a number of interesting responses. Full disclosure: I wrote that fresh off the heels of feeling depressed over how the Acolyte ended, and after reading/listening to several of Leslye Headland's interviews, where she went into great detail about her ideas behind the show's choices, the themes she's trying to get across, and what personal baggage she brings to Star Wars. 

Why was I depressed?

Because the show's finale ended with the deeply problematic implication that Osha, by killing Sol and joining Qimir, has achieved true self-actualization. As Leslye herself put it, it's a 'positive corruption arc.' Interesting way to phrase it. 

Furthermore, Vernestra's actions that frame Sol for several murders, all to protect her own reputation, and to avoid oversight by the Senate, confirmed one of the things that I was really worried this show would do as soon as we began learning plot details, which is that it's leaning into this very persistent edgelord take that the Jedi are actually big ol' bastards not worth seeing as heroes. 

It's the Dave Filoni gospel of the Jedi Order as a morally broken and fundamentally hypocritical institution, a decaying monument to religious hubris, who brought about their own destruction with their arrogance and so-called rejection of emotion making them lack empathy. 

This is, as many of my followers know already, a giant misreading of George's storyline in the prequels, and what he was actually telling us about the Jedi's philosophy and code. And in my experience, it gets us some vicious pushback when we try to inform fans of it, even if we back it up with proof of George's words. 

George really did intend the Jedi to be the ultimate example of what a brave, wise, and all-loving hero should be, and are very specifically inspired by Buddhist monks. They do not 'repress emotions': they learn to regulate their emotions, so as to not let the negative ones feed the Dark Side, and they have the moral fortitude to focus on their spiritual duty. They're professionals that have dedicated themselves to a higher calling, and who still feel and display the same emotions we all feel, unless I watched very different movies from everyone else. We see that Jedi characters can still crack jokes, cry when they are sad, become scared or anxious, feel strong love and loyalty to their peers, and can even be righteously angry in some situations BUT always knowing when to pull back.

The Jedi of the prequels were victims of manipulation by Palpatine, and were caught in between a rock-and-a-hard-place with the Clone War, and they were ultimately destroyed not by their own actions, but by the treachery of Anakin Skywalker, who failed to overcome his own flaws because he refused to really follow the Jedi teachings, and was gaslit by Palpatine for decades on top of that. 

Leslye's take on Star Wars, based on how she wrote the story of the Acolyte, is that "yup, the Jedi were doomed to destroy themselves by being hypocritical and tone-deaf space cops," and she also outright compared them to the Catholic Church (this reeks of Western bias and misunderstanding of Eastern religions). The one that really stunned me, was when she said she designed Qimir to be her own mouthpiece for the experience of being queer and suppressed, who isn't allowed to just be her authentic self in a restrictive world. Which, to me, implies that Leslye wanted to depict the Dark Side as actually a misunderstood path to self-actualization that the Jedi, in keeping with their dogma of repressing emotions, only smear as 'evil.' 

Let me remind you all: Qimir is officially referred to as a Sith Lord, by Manny Jacinto, by Leslye, etc. And what are the Sith, exactly? 

Space fascists. Intergalactic superpowered terrorists. Dark wizard Nazi-coded wannabe dictators, whose ideology is of might-makes-right, survival of the fittest, and the pursuit of power for power's sake. To depict followers of this creed as an analogy for marginalized people who have literally been targeted and murdered throughout history BY the real-life inspirations for the Sith.... I find revolting and tone-deaf by Leslye. 

SO.... seeing how that show ended, and reading up on how Leslye intended it to be interpreted (Osha's 'triumph' over the 'toxic paternalism' of Sol/the Jedi in general), really put me in a funk, because deep down, I could just sense that this was not at all compatible with the ethos of Star Wars. It made me go on a deep-dive into the BTS of the writing of the prequels and George's ideas about the Jedi, and it's how I discovered the truth that Dave Filoni has been pretty egregiously misrepresenting George's themes for several years now, usurping George's words with his own personal fanfic about the motivations of characters like Anakin, or Qui-Gon, or the Jedi Council, etc. 

His influence on the franchise has caused this completely baseless take on the Jedi to become so widespread as to rewrite history for modern fans. Who are utterly convinced now that this anti-Jedi messaging WAS George's vision all along, and they get real mad at you if you show them actual proof of that being a lie. 

And the Acolyte is perpetuating this twisting of the very core of Star Wars. This is what I meant by the 'moral decay of Star Wars.' 

The Star Wars saga was made by George Lucas in 1977 to accomplish these specific tasks: 

To remind people of what it really means to be good.

What evil actually looks like, and how it comes from our fears and greed.

To teach kids how to grow up and choose the right path that will make them loving, brave, honest people that stand up to tyrants.

To give the world a story that returns to classic mythological motifs and is fundamentally idealistic, to defy the uptick in cynical and nihilistic storytelling after the scandals of Vietnam and Watergate broke Americans' belief in there being such a thing as actual heroes anymore. 

THAT is the soul of Star Wars. That is what George meant for this remarkably creative universe to say with its storytelling. But I sincerely think that what the Acolyte told, was that morality is relative, the heroes of this saga are actually bastards, the fascist death-cult is misunderstood, and a young woman being gaslit into joining said death-cult is a triumphant girlboss moment. When it actually comes across as the tragedy of a broken person choosing the wrong path that will only make her miserable, full of hatred and powerlust, and hurt innocent people along the way. 

The Acolyte betrayed one of George's most critical lessons: that the Dark Side ruins people, and if you want to truly become your best self, you must choose the path of Light, and the Jedi are the ones who have best mastered that path. So if the future of Star Wars is to continue framing the Jedi and their teachings as some corrupt and immoral system that is making the galaxy worse, then I would rather stick to rewatching the classic scripture of Episode 1-6. George wrote a complete and satisfying story, that is thematically consistent, and in my opinion should have been allowed to rest. 

I will not hate on new fans that love the new material, but I will pity them if they really think any of this is actually faithful to George's vision (they may very well simply not care, either, which troubles me too), and I am afraid of a show like Acolyte teaching young people to see the Jedi's philosophy as wrong, and the Sith as having a point. 

(P.S. I have a moral duty to clarify this, given the discourse around the show: No, this is not a problem with 'wokeness,' or diversity, or representation; that side of the fandom is very sick in the head and not to be taken seriously. 

It's a problem with Leslye's themes and tastes as a storyteller, being fundamentally against the ethos of Star Wars and how it soured the entire show in hindsight for me... a show that I was actually really liking, before the finale dropped its thematic nuke.)

[stealingpotatoes]

some ppl very kindly loredumped abt the organa-solo kids for me so gonna put that + responses below the cut!! ↓

@erkhyan asked:

Don’t mind me, just dropping some Organa Solo kids lore, hopefully summarized enough. Anakin: both motivated and intimidated by the fact that his name was supposed to redeem that of his grandpa. Had his grandpa’s qualities (excellent pilot, great warrior, very strong in the Force) but none of his negative trait. Traumatized by being unable to save Chewie. Died a hero at age 16 during a successful mission to destroy a Jedi-killing weapon. Jacen: a big, empathetic goof as a teen, but was traumatized by the war that killed Anakin. The war and the trauma of Anakin’s death turned him into an introspective monk who went to learn weird non-Jedi Force powers. Returned, fathered a secret daughter, fell to the Dark Side because the Force told him that every timeline in which he’s not a Sith ends badly for his daughter. Became a Sith Lord by killing mara jade Skywalker. Eventually died when he found himself having to choose between saving his daughter from an Imperial plot, and dodging his sister’s lightsaber. Jaina: best pilot, best lightsaber user, best warrior, earned the nickname of Sword of the Jedi. Unfortunately, people mostly remember the fact that she was stuck in the world’s most annoying love triangle for two decades in-universe. And that time she processed the trauma of Anakin’s death by trying to seduce her Jedi Master. And that time she was in a bug hivemind that tried to solve her love triangle with a sexy threesome. And that time she went to train under Boba Fett so that she could kill Jacen in Luke’s stead. And also because the Jedi Order finally recognizing that she should have been a made a Master years ago, was almost the LAST thing that happened in the Legends continuity. Heavily implied that her husband would have eventually become Emperor (but a good one) if the continuity had been allowed to go on.

CHEWIE DIED??????????? also christ thats a lot to put on poor lil anakin jr-- ALSO AGAIN. POOR LEIA. HASNT SHE BEEN THRU ENOUGH (poor han too but LEIA)

WHY ARE THERE MORE STAR WARSES!!! LEAVE THEM ALONE!! a secret daughter hi i love those but AGAIN. POOR LEIA. A SITH. FR HE KILLED MARA JADE WHAT???????????? oh my god.

i support jaina's turboslaggery she's been thru so much also WHAT potential emperor husband????????? wow ok legends gets wilder n wilder

--------------

@novastargalaxydesigns asked:

I saw your Jacen, Jaina, and Anakin from Legends! And as someone who freaking adores that trio, I'd love to help point out a few things! In Legends of the Force, Jacen starts to affiliate himself with the Dark Side with his cousin, Ben, as his apprentice. Anakin was killed before the book, The Joiner King, and I didn't get the book that he was killed off in, but if I remember correctly, it was told in The Joiner King that he was killed during a mission as a fighter pilot. Jaina, in Legends of the Force I believe if I remember correctly, she gave up being a Jedi to be a pilot. I don't have all of the Legends of the Force books so I may be a bit spiffy on a few things. But we cannot forget Chewbacca's nephew, Lowbacca aka Lowie, and Jacen's childhood and teen hood crush, Tenel Ka whom is a princess and he accidentally cut her hand off with his new lightsaber during the book Young Jedi Knights Lightsabers. And Zekke who went to the dark side in the series Young Jedi Knights (I only got the first 3), but was redeemed. Anyone please correct my nerdiness if I'm wrong. But anygays, you has been educated by a fluffy bean. Had a lovely day!

JACEN CORRUPTS LUKE'S KID??????? HUH?????? CAN THE SKYWALKERS NOT CATCH LIKE. ONE SINGLE BREAK FROM THE DARKSIDE EVER???????? PLEASE

sorry all i can think w the tenel ka thing is:

-----------------------

@m0th-person asked:

To follow up on the solo kids ask, Jaina had a weird love life. Her love interest that she eventually married was Jagged Fel. He is the son of the former baron of the empire , Sootir Fel, and Syal Antilles-Fel (Wedge Antilles sister) . (a picture I found on Wookieepedia when he was imperial head of state, the white streak in the hair seems to be genetic) Jag grew up in Thrawn’s empire of the hand (and was grown up with the chiss expectations, that’s literally the second quote on his wookieepedia page)

he had 3 out of his 5 other siblings die. He eventually became the imperial head of state (he first lost to his rival political candidate for the role because abeloth messed with it) and flash forward to the legacy comics, his descendants have revamped the imperial remnant into the Fel Empire. It’s mostly believed that his descendants are also Jaina’s because both Roan fel and his daughter empress Marasiah Fel are both force sensitive. And Jacen Solo’s descendant , Ania Solo, says she’s a distant cousin of Marasiah. (Roan)

(Marasiah and her love interest) ( the imperial knights were grey Jedi that served the Fel empire) — and in legends Han actually had a family tree (ancestors, specifically, Jonash e solo (who was Corellian royalty and the admiral-prince during the old republic time period)) , and him and Jagged fel’s father used to rivals in the imperial academy. Darth Vader attended his class graduation and I only find this funny because Han became his son-in-law.

jaina was rlly living that booktok enemies to lovers life back in the 90s huh. go girl i love her and support her weird love life decisions so much

omg go han having fancy royalty ties <3 see hanleia IS politically advantageous

[respectthepetty]

Pangpang has beef with Best

Before I begin my investigation, in the opening of Peaceful Property, the news reporter is telling about the teenager who died by suicide and the album cover to the left of the TV is The Virgin Suicides vinyl. I see you props department. Also, the little statue to the right looks like the World Cup trophy.

But anywho . . .

Pangpang has beef with Best!

I can't trust Best because Pangpang has some animosity toward him, and it's apparent to the people watching the live stream too. When Best says he and Peach are chefs, Pangpang responds to the camera that Best said he was a chef, but she says it sarcastically.

Then she says that Peach is a chef too.

Best overhears her saying this, so he interrupts her, smiling a little too much, and asks what she says, but she tells him she said it was a great house.

And this is when the watchers point out that she is being fake and doesn't actually like Best.

And when she is running out of the house, she screams "Home tour, my ass!" but it seems like she already didn't trust going over to Best's house and this incident only confirmed it.

Which makes me think that Best might be a show-off or was previously deceitful, and that's what Pangpang thought he would do because when Peach said he saw Best at the temple, Pangpang calls Best smug.

Pangpang has to know who Best is because he's pictured on the wall of dreams right next to Peach, which she looks at (and there is a little frown face pinned between Peach and Best in the picture covering up someone else).

But either way, when Peach defends Best, Pangpang hits him with the "Sure, Jan" look.

Because it feels like Best went to the temple not to bring offerings to the monks but with the intention of finding Peach since he needed a ghost out of his house.

And even though Pangpang acts like she doesn't remember him, he remembers her.

So it might be a bit before we see Best again, but I want to know why Pangpang is holding grudges to the extent of acting like she doesn't know Best, but Peach isn't. And if it has anything to do with why Peach's hand keeps shaking.

I wanna know if Best really is the Best Boy.

[newkatzkafe2023]

How about a Female humanoid King Kong Y/N? The Wukongs stumble upon her island and they meet her (You can full in the rest of the storyline)

BIG GORILLA🦍 small monkey🐒

(Lmk Wukong) He was flying home from Mk's when he came across your island. And Since This is somewhere he'd never been till before he went to explore. It's seems to be an ordinary island so far Until he found that someone lives here. He found you eating a mango by the beach and his first thoughts were Giant pretty Gorilla Women😍💛. He had got your attention when he chirped at you while His tail was practically a propeller giving you heart eyes. Meanwhile You're wondering where did this tiny peach fuzz monkey come from? And where did he get so much armor?

(MKR Wukong) The group came across your home to make camp. Although he gets a bad feeling about this place but of course, the monk tells him their not too much to worry about and that they're only staying for the night. But of course, they got attacked by those skull island creatures, and for once he's not sure how to handle it until the skull creature was quickly crushed by a gorilla female AKA you. The pilgrims were dumbfounded by this, and Fruity was curious as we let out a roar of victory. As for Wukong, well, he now knows what wedding bells sound like❤️‍🔥👰‍♀🤵‍♂️💍💒🔔.

(HIB Wukong) You met him when he was looking for his child. You see Silly girl went missing one morning and Wukong went slightly insane looking for her. Luier and Pigsy were on a search for her as well and then they the 3 males heard giggling. And that when they found you as they find the baby girl climbing on our back. You found her by the river during a bath And you didn't want her to fall in so you Monitored and entertained her until you can find her parents Or at least a nearby village to put her in. But you met Wukong and Luier and pigsy, Wukong thought He was gonna have to throw hands with you but He smelled similar to the child you found And you put two and two together and you were quick to give silly girl to him. Which surprised them but silly girl cried not wanting you to leave and because of how gently you handle Silly girl well He Don't necessarily want you to leave so soon either😉🧡

(NR Wukong) His Jaw was touching the floor😲 He was coming home from the bar one night when he found you just minding your business. Now, this guy has been around for an annoyingly long time, and he has never seen anything like you. On one hand, you're a giant gorilla who could probably level the neighborhood, but on the other hand, you're a hot woman who smells very single. And He wouldn't mind if you put him in a crater Meanwhile, you're like great, another drunk scrub coming to Holler at you, but for some reason, you don't seem to mind this one🩷

(Netflix Wukong) Now he knows he's never seen you before. He was exploring when he came Across your island and was shocked to see you napping in a tree. But you were HUGE!!! And if he were to come to you when he was mortal then he would have certainly been killed. And while he was trying to pull himself together you woke up. With one eye open , you observe the little monkey he reminded you of an uncordinated child And he smells like he has no family. You groaned to get his attention as you came down your tree to hug him🫂 which surprised him Aren't you upset that he technically Broke and entered into your home?and why is their tears rolling down his face?

FEEL FREE TO REBLOG🦍

[yoru-no-seiiki]

SERIOUSLY, MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI, I WILL FUCK YOUR MOM WHILE YOU PLAY ROBLOX.

link to [part one] for those unfamiliar w/ my yan! cool kid works

@yuiiasathesilly both parents actually. these three come from a relatively affluent family. someone has to pay for all the hairdye yan! cool kid uses. in fact the both are them are kinda disappointed that the boys haven’t been using their resources as much as they want em to. cool kid has abused it the most, having an entire apartment ready for yan! reader to be kept in

@onyanjune mc does have backups! and good eye. the reason why they only deleted it in their phone is cause it’s what they have on them at all times. meaning that they’re giving our prez some leeway instead of immediate action in terms of blackmail.

in terms of their efforts, it’s purely cause they want their integration into the family to be smooth sailing. before yan! loser was an outcast he used to be pretty well known for his rich family, his brothers, and his high grades. yan! reader noticed that he usually kept to himself and suffered a little bit in terms of his siblings outshining him so much so they set out with that plan to make him completely reliant on them. it was mostly a backup that they had for yan! cool kid but he’s too above other people in general to care. same with yan! prez.

they aren’t trying to make their beloved jealous, hell they’d die if they ever accidentally hurt him in any way, shape, or form. yan! reader worships him too much. it’s more of side effect if anything. they do like to pretend as if they don’t think about him 24/7. which is frankly more annoying to yan! cool kid since he can’t exactly threaten/beat up his future spouse like he can with his brothers.

anyways off to our scenario (inspired by @carnivorousyandeere and i’s talk about sex positive/liberal parents lol)

“dad, i’m going to pursue someone from my class.” yan! cool kid leaned back and forth, rocking his dinner chair.

“oh? that’s great son. i was worried that someone as handsome as you wouldn’t put your face to good use.”

“yes yes, your father and i were worried that you weren’t bringing anybody home. all of our colleagues keep talking about how their children have been sleeping around but here we are with your monk of an eldest son and shut-in of a youngest.”

ouch.

“when i found out that all those condoms we bought you weren’t being used for sex i was devastated!”

“right son! and the lingerie sweetie! tell them about the lingerie!”

“mother, father! we’re eating!” yan! president yelled. he was already used to his parent’s lack of respect for privacy. it wasn’t their crude words that made him uncomfortable, it was the fact that his younger brother was coveting what was already his.

but his mother, as always, does not listen, “and we spent a lot of time getting those for you three to enjoy. and for what?”

“well, who is this lucky person?”

“they’re—“

“i’m full.” yan! loser stood up, wiping the food off his face and leaving. the door to the dining room slammed shut with a bang at his wake.

“as i was saying, they’re my classmate. the one whose house i went to before.”

“oh! the one whose pictures you have all over your room.”

“. . . yes.” yan! cool kid almost regurgitated out his drink from their nonchalant invasion of his room. his rebellious instincts told him to scream at them and question their behavior. but if he wanted to get their help he had to play into his role perfectly.

“oh son! just tell us what we have to do, we’ll support you all the way.”

bingo!

or not.

there was one thing yan! cool kid failed to factor into the equation. the fact that yan! president had been doing such a play since before the younger one even learned how to talk.

“what’s wrong, pumpkin?”

yan! president began his part with a gag. an expression of guilt, disgust and a hint of grief.

“it’s just that. . . i was planning on asking them out too.” and then, the tears. “they actually work as the secretary to the council and . . . no one else has been there for me like they have.”

“oh dear.” their mother looks at the two of them in worry. she already knew this was going to get messy quick.

“i’m sorry, dearest brother. i just can’t bear the thought of losing them.”

“you—“ yan! cool kid slammed his hands on the table. now at his full height which causes his chair to fall behind him. his fist pulled back, ready for impact and aimed squarely on the bridge of yan! president’s glasses.

“why don’t we all calm down, okay?” but their father manages to pull him back, overpowering the young man easily. with a smile he eases yan! cool kid away while their mother held yan! president in her arms. “we’ll think of a way for both of you boys to get what you want.“

“you. prepare a room for a new addition to our home.” their mother spoke, her fingers running through her son’s locks “we’re family we’ll get through this together.”

meanwhile under the cover of dark. . .

yan! loser pants, a hand in his pants as he pumped his cock to full mast. his meager, melodic moans muffled by one of your used pe uniforms covered in dried sweat and your scent. his eyes trained at the video of his eldest brother taking you.

he hated it. hated the way you seemed to be enjoying it (you weren’t). but since they looked alike it was the closest he could get to an image of you and him together. even if his brother couldn’t last a few rounds.

he moans one last time as he releases his spent into a condom, swiftly tying and throwing it to the rest of the pile that threatened to spill over from within the bin.

in his post masturbation haze, he wonders how all that liquid would look inside you instead and whines as he feels the blood rush back down there again.

[wukong-s-only-wife5000]

Will you write about Y/N teasing Hero is Back Wukong about basically being Liuer's dad. He's just so protective and fatherly to this little boy and yea, he's still has a sour personality but it always makes me squeal when I see them interact!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Papa Groach (Prt 1).

Authors Notes: I'm one of those who can't stand how annoying Liuer, but I tried. Hope you enjoy! Thank you so much for the request.

You lost count on how long it’s been since your husband, Sun Wukong, was released from The Mountain Of Five Elements, and the events of the mountain trolls went and passed. You never expected anything like it, but the Great Sage Equal to Heaven… had companions. You didn't know why the pig still followed you, but Liuer and his Shifu were more than welcome. 

It's not that you hated the pig… well, kind of, but it mostly had to do with the fact that he tried to send your husband to the afterlife. 

“Great Sage? How many-” Liuer’s voice snapped you out of your thoughtless daydream and made you focus on the group walking ahead of you.

“A lot,” was Wukong’s lame reply to the boy’s question. Of course that wasn't a satisfactory answer to the overly curious young monk. 

“But what about (Y/n)? Isn't she?”

What are they talking about? You wanted to ask, but you knew that once you asked, you’d regret it.

“No, that's different,” he said, which made you even more curious about what Liuer was asking the Monkey King about. “Why are you only asking me? She's right there, go ask her yourself.”

“But she said you would be able to explain things better than she ever could,” Liuer stated, repeating what you had told him… which made your husband look back at you with a glare you smiled at. 

You pretended not to hear what was being said, but Wukong knew that when you paid attention, you could hear him whisper from a mile away with your advanced sense of hearing. You thought it was absolutely adorable how the two interacted, like an unexpected father to his newly found adopted son. You had thought many times of how Wukong would be as a father, since you knew him best and saw past his flaws.

As his wife, you knew Sun Wukong like the back of your hand, and you sided with him through everything. You even sided with him when he went against the Heavens, that's how much you loved your Monkey King. As such, you know when he doesn't like something… and you never get that feeling where Liuer is concerned. 

Annoyance, sure, of course annoyance. He is often very annoyed by the boy, but you never got that sense that he’d want to hurt or leave the child. Sure… maybe he’s tried to get rid of the kid before, but when he gave up doing that, you could see that was when he started to get attached to the annoying human monk. 

“Adorable,” you snickered to yourself. 

“Hey,” you looked at Wukong hearing his shout. 

How’d they get so far ahead? I need to stop daydreaming before I lose them. You thought to yourself.

“Hm?” you smiled a bit seeing he was looking at you. 

“Why are you walking so slow? Hurry up,” he called for you. Translation: ‘He’s talking too much again and I won’t endure this alone.’

“So, so adorable,” you shook your head with a smile, but walked a bit faster in order to catch up with the men and little boy. It was only then that you noticed exactly where you were and you couldn't help but smile at the memories that came back to you.

“Great Sage, have you ever been to the temple before?” Liuer asked as he saw how happy the Monkey King seemed all of a sudden.

“A few times,” Wukong stated as you caught up to him. “It’s an important place,”

“Really?” Liuer looked up at your husband in amazement before he tilted his head curiously. “How come?”

“It’s where I met (Y/n),” he looked at you with a small smile as he subtly held onto your pinky gently and caressed it. This man just knew all the right things to make your heart want to leap out of your chest. “And where we got married.” 

“Wow,” Liuer said as he walked between you both. Wukong was quick to lift your hand so he wouldn't have to let you go as the clueless child walked past you both to walk a few feet ahead where Shifu and Pigsy were.

“So, papa Sunny,” you tried to say seriously, but couldn't help but snicker. 

“What?” he looked at you with a raised brow, but shook it off.

“Papa Sunny,”

“Stop that,” he looked at you, unamused.

“What do you mean, papa Sunny?” you tilted your head as you gaze at him with an innocent look, but you couldn't help the laugh. Wukong looked at you with narrowed eyes that questioned your sanity.

“Have you been drinking?” He raised a brow.

“No, you idiot. I'm just admiring how good of a dad you are,”

“Dad? What are you talking about? I am nobody's father,” he stated as he walked off, you were quick to follow.

“Of course you are,” you grinned up at the taller primate. 

“No, I'm-” he cut himself off as he stopped walking and turned to look at you. You raised a brow, but when he eyed you from head to toe, and stared from your eyes to your stomach, you blushed profusely. “Are you…?”

“Of course not!” you snapped, placing a hand subconsciously on your stomach. “Are you saying I look bloated?” you questioned him, he rolled his eyes and continued walking. 

“No, I was just asking because you seem to think I’m a father,” he glanced at you with a small smirk. “And you’re my only wife.” The way he emphasized you were his, made your heart beat even faster than seeing him look at you like that. 

“I meant,” you started, jogging a bit to keep pace with him, “since Liuer is technically your kid,”

“What?” he looked at you with narrowed eyes. “You are crazy.”

“Think about it!” you laughed, hugging his arm so he couldn't escape. “He's your mentee, you take care of him and kinda teach him stuff, you feed him-”

“I feed you too,” he looked at you, “does that make you my kid too?”

“Don't get smart,” you huffed. “You're such a good husband and father.”

“I'm not a father,” he said plainly and smirked a bit, “at least not yet.”

“Stop that,” you tried not to be affected, knowing he was just trying to tease you back, but you couldn't help getting flustered. He chuckled, staring ahead at the pig and the child in question.

“You so are, though,” you grinned at him. “There's no shame that you like the kid, why else would the mighty Great Sage take him on in the first place?”

“I wasn't thinking, and I had no choice,” he shook his head, “mostly because he freed me from that mountain.”

“And the journey to get the babies back to their families brought you closer,” you sighed dreamily as you pleased your head against his arm.

“Would you stop that?” he tried to pull away, but you held onto him. “Let go, woman.”

“I don't want to,” you looked up at him with a smart ass smirk, which made him give up with a sigh. 

“I am not his father,” he finalized. 

“Okay,” you gave up, which made him look at you suspiciously.

“Okay?” He raised a brow. 

“Okay,” you gave a nod, looking ahead. He stared at you for a while, not trusting you at that moment. He knew you way better than that, you’d never give up an argument like this so easily… he’ll be keeping a closer eye on you for a while…

Little did he know, that was mostly where he had lost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It happened when he least expected it, when you guys had just settled down after putting up camp for the night. He couldn't stop caressing your cheek and grooming your hair, things you always thought were absolutely adorable.

“Hey, dad?”

“What is it, Liuer?” he asked before he tensed and looked at Liuer, only to see what looked like Liuer shape-shift back into Pigsy.

“I KNEW IT!” You laughed, holding your stomach as he stared at you with an unamused expression.

“That's not funny,” he said, very unamused.

“Whatever you say,” you couldn't stop snickering at his expense. 

“You know what?” you looked at him just as he dropped the logs and moved towards you.

Uh oh… you immediately sobered up.

“What are you doing?” you chuckled nervously as you backed up three times for every step he took towards you. 

“If you’re so hung up on me being a father, come here,” that made you stop laughing and start running. “Get back here!” he said as he ran after you.

“Nope!” you yelled, not stopping, but your grin said you were still happy… regardless of him threatening to impregnate you and make himself a dad on purpose.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2.

[thebrickinbrick]

Preliminary Gayeties, Part 1

LAIGLE DE MEAUX, as the reader knows, lived more with Joly than elsewhere. He had a lodging, as a bird has one on a branch. The two friends lived together, ate together, slept together. They had everything in common, even Musichetta, to some extent. They were, what the subordinate monks who accompany monks are called, bini. On the morning of the 5th of June, they went to Corinthe to breakfast. Joly, who was all stuffed up, had a catarrh which Laigle was beginning to share. Laigle's coat was threadbare, but Joly was well dressed.

It was about nine o'clock in the morning, when they opened the door of Corinthe.

They ascended to the first floor. Matelote and Gibelotte received them.

"Oysters, cheese, and ham," said Laigle. And they seated themselves at a table.

The wine-shop was empty; there was no one there but themselves.

Gibelotte, knowing Joly and Laigle, set a bottle of wine on the table.

While they were busy with their first oysters, a head appeared at the hatchway of the staircase, and a voice said:

"I am passing by. I smell from the street a delicious odor of Brie cheese. I enter." It was Grantaire.

Grantaire took a stool and drew up to the table.

At the sight of Grantaire, Gibelotte placed two bottes of wine on the table. That made three.

"Are you going to drink those two bottles?" Laigle inquired of Grantaire.

Grantaire replied, "All are ingenious, thou alone art ingenuous. Two bottles never yet astonished a man."

The others had begun by eating, Grantaire began by drinking. Half a bottle was rapidly gulped down.

"So you have a hole in your stomach?" began Laigle again.

“You have one in your elbow," said Grantaire. And after having emptied his glass, he added: "Ah, by the way, Laigle of the funeral oration, your coat is old.”

“I should hope so," retorted Laigle. "That's why we get on well together, my coat and I. It has acquired all my folds, it does not bind me anywhere, it is moulded on my deformities, it falls in with all my movements, I am only conscious of it because it keeps me warm. Old coats are just like old friends."

"That's true," ejaculated Joly, striking into the dialogue, "an old goat is an old abi” (ami, friend).

"Especially in the mouth of a man whose head is stuffed up," said Grantaire.

"Grantaire," demanded Laigle, "have you just come from the boulevard?"

"No."

"We have just seen the head of the procession pass, Joly and I."

"It's a marvellous sight," said Joly.

"How quiet this street is!" exclaimed Laigle. "Who would suspect that Paris was turned upside down? How plainly it is to be seen that in former days there were nothing but convents here! In this neighborhood! Du Breul and Sauval give a list of them, and so does the Abbé Lebeuf. They were all round here, they fairly swarmed, booted and barefooted, shaven, bearded, gray, black, white, Franciscans, Minims, Capuchins, Carmelites, Little Augustines, Great Augustines, old Augustines, there was no end of them."

"Don't let's talk of monks," interrupted Grantaire, "it makes one want to scratch oneself."

“Bouh! I've just swallowed a bad oyster. Now hypochondria is taking possession of me again. The oysters are spoiled, the servants are ugly. I hate the human race. I just passed through the Rue Richelieu, in front of the big public library. That pile of oyster-shells which is called a library is disgusting even to think of. What paper! What ink! What scrawling!

"And then, I met a pretty girl of my acquaintance, who is as beautiful as the spring, worthy to be called Floréal, and who is delighted, enraptured, as happy as the angels, because a wretch yesterday, a frightful banker all spotted with small-pox, deigned to take a fancy to her! Alas! woman keeps on the watch for a protector as much as for a lover; cats chase mice as well as birds. Two months ago that young woman was virtuous in an attic, she adjusted little brass rings in the eyelet-holes of corsets, what do you call it? She sewed, she had a camp bed, she dwelt beside a pot of flowers, she was contented. Now here she is a bankeress. This transformation took place last night. I met the victim this morning in high spirits. The hideous point about it is, that the jade is as pretty to-day as she was yesterday. Her financier did not show in her face. Roses have this advantage or disadvantage over women, that the traces left upon them by caterpillars are visible. Ah! there is no morality on earth. I call to witness the myrtle, the symbol of love, the laurel, the symbol of air, the olive, that ninny, the symbol of peace, the apple-tree which came nearest rangling Adam with its pips, and the fig-tree, the grandfather of petticoats. As for right, do you know what right is? The Gauls covet Clusium, Rome protects Clusium, and demands what wrong Clusium has done to them. Brennus answers: ‘The wrong that Alba did to you, the wrong that Fidenæ did to you, the wrong that the Eques, the Volsci, and the Sabines have done to you. They were your neighbors. The Clusians are ours. We understand neighborliness just as you do. You have stolen Alba, we shall take Clusium.’ Rome said: ‘You shall not take Clusium.’ Brennus took Rome. Then he cried: ‘Væ victis!’ That is what right is. Ah! what beasts of prey there are in this world! What eagles! It makes my flesh creep.”

He held out his glass to Joly, who filled it, then he drank and went on, having hardly been interrupted by this glass of wine, of which no one, not even himself, had taken any notice:—

“Brennus, who takes Rome, is an eagle; the banker who takes the grisette is an eagle. There is no more modesty in the one case than in the other. So we believe in nothing. There is but one reality: drink. Whatever your opinion may be in favor of the lean cock, like the Canton of Uri, or in favor of the fat cock, like the Canton of Glaris, it matters little, drink. You talk to me of the boulevard, of that procession, et cætera, et cætera. Come now, is there going to be another revolution? This poverty of means on the part of the good God astounds me. He has to keep greasing the groove of events every moment. There is a hitch, it won’t work. Quick, a revolution! The good God has his hands perpetually black with that cart-grease. If I were in his place, I’d be perfectly simple about it, I would not wind up my mechanism every minute, I’d lead the human race in a straightforward way, I’d weave matters mesh by mesh, without breaking the thread, I would have no provisional arrangements, I would have no extraordinary repertory. What the rest of you call progress advances by means of two motors, men and events. But, sad to say, from time to time, the exceptional becomes necessary. The ordinary troupe suffices neither for event nor for men: among men geniuses are required, among events revolutions. Great accidents are the law; the order of things cannot do without them; and, judging from the apparition of comets, one would be tempted to think that Heaven itself finds actors needed for its performance. At the moment when one expects it the least, God placards a meteor on the wall of the firmament. Some queer star turns up, underlined by an enormous tail. And that causes the death of Cæsar. Brutus deals him a blow with a knife, and God a blow with a comet. Crac, and behold an aurora borealis, behold a revolution, behold a great man; ’93 in big letters, Napoleon on guard, the comet of 1811 at the head of the poster. Ah! what a beautiful blue theatre all studded with unexpected flashes! Boum! Boum! extraordinary show! Raise your eyes, boobies. Everything is in disorder, the star as well as the drama. Good God, it is too much and not enough. These resources, gathered from exception, seem magnificence and poverty. My friends, Providence has come down to expedients. What does a revolution prove? That God is in a quandry. He effects a coup d’état because he, God, has not been able to make both ends meet. In fact, this confirms me in my conjectures as to Jehovah’s fortune; and when I see so much distress in heaven and on earth, from the bird who has not a grain of millet to myself without a hundred thousand livres of income, when I see human destiny, which is very badly worn, and even royal destiny, which is threadbare, witness the Prince de Condé hung, when I see winter, which is nothing but a rent in the zenith through which the wind blows, when I see so many rags even in the perfectly new purple of the morning on the crests of hills, when I see the drops of dew, those mock pearls, when I see the frost, that paste, when I see humanity ripped apart and events patched up, and so many spots on the sun and so many holes in the moon, when I see so much misery everywhere, I suspect that God is not rich. The appearance exists, it is true, but I feel that he is hard up. He gives a revolution as a tradesman whose money-box is empty gives a ball. God must not be judged from appearances. Beneath the gilding of heaven I perceive a poverty-stricken universe. Creation is bankrupt. That is why I am discontented. Here it is the 4th of June, it is almost night; ever since this morning I have been waiting for daylight to come; it has not come, and I bet that it won’t come all day. This is the inexactness of an ill-paid clerk. Yes, everything is badly arranged, nothing fits anything else, this old world is all warped, I take my stand on the opposition, everything goes awry; the universe is a tease. It’s like children, those who want them have none, and those who don’t want them have them. Total: I’m vexed.

[y-rhywbeth2]

Sometimes I consider multiclassing my Durge as barbarian (just the whole rage and bloodlust angle). But I also love the innate spellcasting of sorcery (which is the favoured class for Bhaalspawn, by 3.5e rules - The ideal default subclass is a Divine Soul Sorcerer and I will die on this hill)

Honestly, most of the classes bring something interesting to their past as a Deathbringer.

Rogues, naturally. Assassin is a subclass for a reason, was Bhaal's thing in life, and Bhaalists sponsor thieves guilds as well as assassins. -

Bards, as the rouge+ class, make great assassins: They're personable and welcomed, they've got a reputation for seduction, people hire them to come to them... -

Druid assassins? Who'd see somebody mauled by an animal or dead by venomous bite and have humanoid assassin as their first guess? Death is natural; all things kill and feed on death. -_

Fighter: Trained your body and mastered all the weapons for the purpose of killing people in a variety of interesting ways. -

Monks: practice mental and physical discipline until your entire body is a lethal weapon. _

Rangers are trackers and hunters who are familiar with the natural world (and its many poisons) - simply hunt people instead of animals. Also natural assassins. -

Wizards are also great murders, depending on how you use their spells. Specialise in necromancy and you can recycle your victims! The hold spell is a godsend for killing people without them calling for help. Also Bhaal was High Netherese, and that place was all about magic so hereditary stuff and blah. -

Sadly we cannot be Clerics of Bhaal (booo), but I can pretend that Durge just fished around for an impression of what god they served and went with the first one that came to mind/seemed likely -

Paladin... I don't care much for 5e's paladins, but having a sworn oath of blind loyalty to Bhaal as your liege, Blackguard style, can be fun.

-

Warlock is an odd one. Did Durge try to make a deal with a powerful being to try to escape/understand the Urge before they knew what it was? Did they try to escape their fate through a deal? I'd suggest the pact could be with one of Bhaal's servants, but only the Fiend pact works for that...

[chasteandpregnantmale]

The immaculate conception of Michael Part 2

Part 1

https://www.tumblr.com/chasteandpregnantmale/757152881792139264/the-immaculate-conception-of-michael-part-1?source=share

Part 2

It was about the middle of May that he went to see Bro Bernard again, convinced that there was something going on with him.   He had begun to feel a fluttering sensation in his belly which was a most weird experience.   He was surprised by the senior monk’s reaction.   He said they must both go and see the Abbot.   Bro Bernard phoned through to see if he was free.  He was.  It was a phone call he was expecting and was already prepared for what he would say to the young monk.

“Brother Aidan, you find yourself in a position of deep privilege.   It is Brother Bernard’s belief that through the actions of the prayer said over you last Advent Sunday in which we prayed that you might enable Jan and Jon to start a family, you have either Couvade Syndrome or, you are in fact pregnant.   In view of your latest symptoms, it would appear to be the latter, with the baby moving in your man womb.   God has indeed been good to you, Jon and Jan.”

Aidan was speechless.   The Abbot noticed his hand going to his bump.   The Abbot continued:

“This is a surprise for all of us.  I think the best way to deal with this is for you to show your blossoming body to the community at Evensong tonight.   I will ask the brothers not to go talking to others about it.   We don’t particularly want the press hounding us as this is pretty unusual, though not unique Brother Bernard tells me.   You are to carry on as normal in the community.   If one of our visitors tells the outside world, that is a risk we have to take.   I suggest you spend the time until Evensong in your cell and think about all these things and the great privilege God has granted you in carrying this child.   Your meals will be brought to you so that your contemplation is not disturbed.   Now, if you kneel Brother Bernard and I will pray over you for a spirit of grace to face this news with fortitude and peace.

Brother Bernard noticed how wisely the Abbot had dealt with the issue, skirting round the actual truth of it all being planned and with no mention at all of his dream on the night of Brother Aidans profession that set it all off.

As for Aidan, he went to his cell feeling very calm. The prayer of the Abbot and Bro Bernard had been very helpful.    He felt a huge relief now that he knew what was going on with his body.   He knew he shouldn’t be thinking this, but he was so pleased he wasn’t just putting on weight.  He was carrying a baby.   A BABY.   That was at the same time both scary and wonderful.   He was so pleased that Jan and Jon would finally become parents through his help.  

Aidan couldn’t work out why he felt such a deep peace as he sat on his bed with his right hand on his bump.   He had taken off his habit and sat just in his underwear.   He realised that he should be very scared.  This was unheard of, surely.  Certainly, he had never heard of it.   How could a man carry a child?   Was his life in danger?   How would the birth happen?  It would have to be by C-section surely? But none of this could shake that deep sense of peace and deep gratitude that he had this amazing sign that he was working for God and doing his will

So when the time for Evensong came, the monk with the quickly thickening midsection arrived in his stall very calmly.  It was almost as though he was floating on air.  He had never felt such tranquillity and enjoyed such a state of grace.   He felt totally in the moment and had no other thoughts distracting his mind except to be in the presence of God and doing his will.    The day of reflection in his cell had convinced him that what was happening to him was God’s will and entirely right.   

After the first lesson, the Abbot stood and announced that before the Magnificat (the Song of Joy  Mary sang when the angel announced she was going to give birth to God’s Son) there was an announcement he wished to make.

“There has been something of a miracle occurring in this community over the last few months” he stated.   He asked Brother Aidan to join him in front of the stalls.   The Abbot took him by the shoulders and turned him so that most of the community could see him in profile.   He continued:

“You will know that part of Brother Aidan’s duties is the pastoral care of Jan and Jon, who I have invited here this evening.   We all know that they are very much wanting to start a family. We prayed over our young brother as he began his new role with them that God would use him as a vehicle for them to conceive.   We had no idea at the time what, if anything would come to pass.  After all, none of us know the mind of God.   

“You will have noticed that Brother Aidan has been filling out in the last couple of months as brothers sometimes do in the early years of their profession.   However, Brother Bernard tells me that in Brother Aidan’s case, it is because he is with child.”

There was an audible gasp that went round the chapel.   The Abbot continued:

“No one expected God to work in his way, though Brother Bernard has done some research and there are community stories from Indonesia that talk of male chiefs getting pregnant.   Obviously this miraculous occurrence is from the hand of God, so Brother Aidan is to be respected as he carries Jan and Jon’s child.   He will continue his part in community life as usual until he gives birth.   Brother Bernard believes his due date is 3rd September if men’s gestation period is the same as women’s.   Pregnancy is not an illness so there is no need to make any concessions for him with his condition.   We hope to keep this miracle to ourselves so please don’t go telling others outside our community.   We are hoping visitors to the community will just assume Brother Aidan is putting on weight.

“Brother Aidan, this is a surprise for you too as you only discovered your condition this morning.   Is there anything you would like to share with the community?”

“First of all, Father Abbot, I would like to thank you for the opportunity for the day of reflection as it has enabled me to see God’s will in this.   I realise what a privilege it is for God to use me in this way and am so pleased for Jan and Jon in that they can now have a family.   In the silence afforded me in my cell I recalled a dream I had completely forgotten about.   It might be appropriate if I shared it.   I had it on the night of Advent Sunday.   At the time it was very vivid, but I quickly forgot it, possibly because I didn’t like it.  Should I share it Father?”

“Please go ahead.”

“Well, as I said, it happened on the night of Advent Sunday.    At the time I put it down to my brain dealing in a rather weird way with the events of the previous day.   The first part of the dream was lovely.   I was lying on my bed and bathed in this warm light.   It was lovely and somehow I knew that God would use me for his purposes.   It was so affirming.   I would have dearly loved to remain in that state.

“The only other part of the dream I can remember is the end just before I woke up.   It was the Feast of the Blessed Virgin Mary’s birth on 8th September.   We were all in the chapel for high mass and I had an enormous belly.   It was so grotesque and horrible and I so hated it.  I couldn’t understand where it had come from.   It was so heavy and my habit was really taught across it.   I felt so embarrassed.   Then I woke up in a sweat and, thankfully, quickly forgot the dream.   

“So my weird dream may not have been so strange after all, though I have to say that I know my belly will get bigger but I am no longer disgusted by the thought of a big belly.   It is wonderful to be growing a new life in there (he pointed to his growing bump).   It can get as big as it needs to for the Lord to complete his work in me.   So I say with The Blessed Virgin Mary, ‘Behold, the servant of the Lord.   Be it unto me according to his will.’”

“Thank you Brother.   It seems that God is truly affirming his work in you.   Now would you please unclothe yourself.”

Aidan hesitated.   Brothers were only unclothed, as far as he knew, when they were leaving their orders.  Was he being kicked out being in his condition?

“Remember your vow of obedience to God and the Abbot, brother.   Don’t worry, it is only so that the community can see clearly what God is completing in you.”

There was another gasp as Aidan took off his habit.   His belly looked far more pronounced than when hidden under a habit.    Even the Abbot was shocked as he had never seen the bump in the flesh as it were.   He called Brother Bernard out and Jan & Jon from their stalls.   Brother Aidan stood before them while they laid hands on his belly and prayed for a successful birth.

Photo 1

When they had finished the Abbot said “Please reclothe yourself”.   Brother Aidan pulled his habit over his head and was suddenly aware of it catching on his belly has he had to physically pull it down.   Just 3 months ago it fell over his slim body naturally.

Aidan went to pick up his girdle, but the Abbot intervened:

“I think this one will be better.  That one’s getting a little short.” said the Abbot as he handed Aidan a longer girdle.   “This can be your paternity girdle.”

Aidan might well have been embarrassed by such an observation in the past but now he seemed to be able to accept all things relating to his condition.

Later that evening, after the meal, Aidan met Jon & Jan for the first time since they all knew his condition.  It was such a joyous meeting and Aidan was happy to remove his habit so that they could see their very own baby bump.

Brother Aidan told them how pleased he was that they were finally going to be parents if all went to plan.   He was confident that all would go to plan as it was so obviously God’s will.

They chatted about family life and in the course of conversation Jan let slip that when they had first started trying for a family they were hoping to have 6 or 7 children.   Aidan could see that they were certainly still hoping for more than one child and possibly several.   He wondered whether he would be carrying more for them in the future.   He wasn’t sure what he thought about that, so he said,

“In the end it all comes down to what God has planned for you.   I am sure he will enable you to have the family you desire in some way or another.”

At the same time, the Abbot had called Brother Bernard into his office.   He had been shocked by the size of the young brother’s belly when he had unclothed.   So he asked if it was normal.

“Difficult to say,” responded Brother Bernard.  “He is 23 weeks along, so over half way through in the normal way of things.   I would say that if he were female, his bump is well above average for this stage in the pregnancy, but who is to say for a man.   My assessment of the baby is that it is on the large side.   He also seems to be carrying a large amount of amniotic fluid.   This might well be normal in a man.   The cave paintings recovered of pregnant men in Indonesia always show them to be hugely pregnant.   Most commentators think this is just an exaggeration, but it may not be.   Who knows.   We are on unknown ground here.   We don’t even know how long men carry for.”

It certainly gave the Abbot food for thought.

The Abbot was pleased, but amazed at how quickly the community settled down again after the amazing revelations of 13th May.   Brother Aidan seemed much more relaxed than he had been for a couple of months - back to his old self in fact and got more serene by the day.   The community as a whole behaved as it always had before one of them got pregnant.

[yourpalmalika]

fire god liu/lao bittersweet drabble

ao3 link

rus version

***

Liu Kang liked meditating under the cherry blossom. It brought back memories.

And who is better to enjoy the memories with than an old friend? The old friend.

Kung Lao sat beside him in the lotus pose, not fully immersed in the meditation. Once in a while, he would scratch his nose or frown, soft petals tickling his face.

That was okay. Liu Kang's focus wasn't on meditation, either.

Just how amazing that was? Millenia after creating the universe, his best friend was with him again. Of course, this Kung Lao wasn't exactly his, Liu Kang always kept that in mind, but he was just as cocky, just as brave and just as loyal. His Kung Lao would have been looking in a mirror if they ever met.

His nose scrunched the same way his Kung Lao's did, and their laugh was the same, and their smile. They got mad at the same things, excited about the same things. And they both had a dependable friend by their side. The only thing Liu Kang had hoped they wouldn't share is fate.

The wind swirled around the two. A piece of paper fell into Kung Lao's open palm. He jerked and looked at it, a bright smile immediately shining on his face.

"What is it, Kung Lao?" Liu Kang tilted his head.

"A note from Raiden." Kung Lao said, unwrapping it. "You know, me and cherry blossoms are great friends. The petals carry messages to me. That's how I know everything."

The monk shrugged, as if saying: "if you don't want to believe me, then don't". But Liu Kang did. He was the one who told the blossoms about him, after all.

Kung Lao looked at the note and laughed, throwing his head back. Most curious. Liu Kang had never seen such bright, red flush cover his Kung Lao's face. Or was he simply not paying attention?

"Good news?" he asked.

"Oh, the best news," Kung Lao smirked. "I have to go. Thank you for inviting me to meditate with you."

Kung Lao stood up, dusted off and bowed, putting his hands together. Liu Kang stood up too.

"What did he say?" Liu Kang asked again, without thinking.

"That's something only I can know," Kung Lao unwrapped the paper and showed it to the Fire God. On it were a dozen symbols written in ink, none of which Liu Kang could recognize. "Me and Raiden have a secret language, and have had one since childhood. You know, so Madam Bo couldn't read it. I don't know why I'm telling you this—"

Liu Kang took the paper from his hand and gasped.

"Yes. We had that too; Bo Rai Cho wouldn't stop scolding us for it…" the smile on Liu Kang's face kept growing wider. "Incredible. But… It's not the one you and I, him and I had, is it? I can't— I can't understand it at all…"

Kung Lao took the note back.

"Of course you can't — that's the whole point! Now, I really have to go."

He started backing away slowly, impatient.

"Again, it was an honour—"

"No!" Liu Kang laughed and grabbed his shoulder. "What does it say?"

Liu Kang was smiling, but it took him a moment to realise Kung Lao wasn't.

Then it hit him.

Liu Kang's fingers were squeezing Kung Lao's arm with force Raiden has never put onto him. It was not a brotherly, playful gesture; it was a godly demand to stay in place. Liu Kang's eyes were not mischievous black sparkles; they were blinding stars plucked out of the sky. Liu Kang was eternal. Kung Lao never was.

"Lord Liu Kang," somehow, hearing this title from his lips was the worst. He was no Lord with Kung Lao. He was Liu. He was a "jerk". He was an "idiot". Never a Lord.

"You are all-seeing, of course, so no offense," Kung Lao continued, a slight smirk playing on his lips again. "But there should be secrets even you cannot know, don't you agree?"

Liu Kang nodded, smiling despite the agony this newfound truth caused him. He let go of Kung Lao. He always had to.

The warrior tipped his hat and went away. The God watched him leave. Kung Lao jumped from stone to stone like a little lamb, crossing the tiny stream that surrounded their meditation spot.

Sakura petals fell on Liu Kang's shoulders.

***

totally forgot to post this here! originally planned to do so on my main @yourpalmalika , but i'll just repost since i have more mk followers here.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for making some bigots drink my piss (and then killing them)?

You might recognise me - I'm (immortal M, was literally born from a rock so I don't really care 'bout this gender thing) the super cool great sage who recently asked about murdering my six-eared doppelganger, back with another wild story from my journey with Master!

So Master (adult mortal M) and us disciples, myself, P (immortal M), S (immortal M) and the horse (immortal M) arrived at this city when we saw some fellow Buddhist monks forced to do harsh labour. After talking to them, we found out that the local king (mortal M), following the advice of three Taoist 'immortals' who showed up one day, recently decreed that all Buddhists in the city were to be enslaved. (For the record: I'm cool with a lot of gods from the Taoist pantheon, and they do not condone slavery, so don't blame them for this one.)

Obviously, this was a problem when Master is a very devout and very famous Buddhist monk, and had to meet the king to get his documents checked before we could pass through. So we were given sanctuary for the night in private, and Master went to rest up, but us disciples had other plans. We three decided it was okay to prank these Taoists for a bit since they were literally enslaving people from our religion, so we went to the huge Taoist monastery in town in the middle of the night, snuck in after everyone had left and ate the food that was laid out there (for praying but whatever).

But then the three 'immortals' came in and discovered all the food was eaten and thought it was their gods, so they asked for some holy water as a boon for their respect. I, pretending to be one of those gods, decided to do the funniest thing ever and ask for a container and some time alone. They brought us a huge vessel and waited while the three of us pissed into it. It was good relief after a huge midnight supper.

When the 'immortals' came back, they actually drank the 'holy water' from the vessel while praising it, which was absolutely hilarious. They did realise it was piss quite shortly after, though, at which point we all had to flee.

Anyway, we ended up being challenged to a competition by those guys the next day for reasons not directly related to the piss thing. The competition was rigged in their favour so I counter-cheated back, it's a long story. Anyway I ended up killing all of them by making them fail their tests of immortality against me (no one can beat me in immortality btw, I'm immortal like 6 times over) and they turned out to just be animals who had cultivated enough power to take on a human form.

The king then realised he had been listening to the wrong advice, freed all the Buddhists and let us pass through, so things turned out just fine - but somehow I don't think Master would've approved of our methods even if it was funny as hell. AITA?

[vindelllas]

frivolous or fated: buddha and beauty 🧖🏽‍♀️🛀🏽

Disclaimer: this is only part one (my document was too long to include in one post). If you would like for me to post part two, please let me know!

🛁 The predominant attitude towards the beauty of things in the classical texts is one of suspicion and met with usual hostility. Physical beauty, especially that of women historically, is accused of causing attachment and craving. Beauty is deemed as “the nutriment for sensual desire” in mercurial principles and thereby being acclaimed as the source of greed, hate, and delusion too. Enjoyment of one’s beauty, and repulsion at another’s ugliness, is deemed as incompatible with the great virtue of equanimity that enjoins us to be mindful and attain enlightenment without the filtering usage of the prism of worldly subjection. Whereas, worldly beauty is demonized, as it is attributed to distracting the masses from the ubiquity of suffering in this earthly plane. This is why in many buddhist principles, the antithesis to beauty-based seduction is focusing oneself upon bringing awareness to the “ugly”, such as death. Yet in countries like Thailand, beauty is theorized to be rewarded to women who have lived without expressing aggression, perpetuating hatred, and experiencing feelings of resentment in a previous life. Focusing on an object such as a disc (or a yantra in vedic culture), is taking in great beauty and bestowing the onlooker with tranquil meditation abundance. In this post, I will be evaluating what true beauty means in various cultures and how we can incorporate these theories into nuanced conversations about self care and overall beautification of oneself. The following deep dive into primarily eastern literature and spiritual concepts does not mean that these are solely accurate opinions, but it is designed to expand one’s palette to spiritual beautification outside of western ideologies.

🛀🏽 There are several modes of beauty. However, the main three categories of beauty I have stumbled upon are inner beauty, wordly beauty, and physical beauty. Inner beauty is the beauty of one’s character, the beauty of the person’s spirit, or moral beauty. But this inner realm or entity is not exactly disjoined from bodily and physical existence. It is simply the beauty that belongs to a person in virtue of their character, moral qualities, understanding, and experience. In contrast with the beauty of things or the world, there is substantial evidence for the importance of inner beauty in Buddhist knowledge. In the Cakkavatti-Shanda sutta, buddha answers his own question, ‘What is beauty for a monk?’, with a list of qualities such as “right conduct, restraint, perfection in habit, and an awareness of danger in the slightest fault”. In the verses of the female ancestors, who repeatedly celebrate their emancipation from the desire to cultivate physical beauty, there is an interesting reference to one nun, Subh, who it is said “went forth full of faith, beautiful by reason of the true doctrine”. In the Abhidhamma, whole sections are devoted to defining the various forms of beautiful consciousness and beautiful mental factors: including compassion, non-delusion and mindfulness (some of which are present in all the beautiful states of consciousness).

🧼 However these references towards beauty have sparked much debate. The word “beauty” is used to talk about “the inner”, about character and virtues. Translators have begged the question why does Buddha not speak of the restrained, alert, right thinking monk as simply being “good” or “holy”? Why is he described as beautiful? And why was Subh deemed beautiful, rather than just virtuous, by reason of dharma? This literature is explicitly stating there is a lack of connection between inner beauty with the beauty of things as seen, heard or otherwise perceived through the ordinary senses, such as sight and hearing. It is, after all, the domain of sensory/what may be perceptually experienced. As children, we learn the use of words like “beautiful” via connecting the term with what is visible, audible or otherwise available to the senses.

🧴 Prominent aesthetic-based philosophers Immanuel Kant (ashwini surya and revati chandra), Alexander Baumgarten (pushya surya and hasta chandra), and Francis Hutcheson (ashlesha surya and uttara bhadrapada chandra) studied the primacy of the sensorial experience by defining beauty in terms of sensory experience. But it has long been recognized that sensorial beauty was a sign of a more elevated form of beauty. For example, Plato, in Phaedrus, states that true beauty is something that one on the earthly plane may only discern when “reminded by the sight of beauty on earth” and that beauty is apprehended through sight: “the keenest of our physical senses”. The journey towards this appreciation of “true beauty” prescribed to Socrates by Diotima in The Symposium, is through witnessing the sight of beautiful figures (bodies). For Kant and others, it was believed that it is the beauty of God that finally matters. As Abbé Suger stated: “the multi-coloured loveliness of gems has… [transported] me from material to immate- rial things, for our dull mind is incapable of rising to the truth except through that which is material”. According to these ideologies, it is in this manner too that one should interpret Suger’s succinct definition of beauty as what pleases through being seen. This is a concept explicitly explored in the rashi of virgo. In my previous notions on virgo nakshatras, I have stated that the journey through this rashi is the journey towards uncovering the jewels of chitra through the eroticism of uttara phalguni and abstinence of hasta, the material cravings of the flesh have become transmuted into the immaterial learnings all virgo natives crave.

🪒 In Buddhist ideologies of beauty, some writers have proposed certain analogies between inner beauty and that of objects of perceptual experience with the intention of justifying their references to inner beauty. For example, a beautiful mind has been compared to a beautiful garden due to neither being considered wild or disorderly. Additionally, similar to carefully crafted art pieces, the beautiful mind possesses balance, proportion, and rhythm. However, unless such analogies are developed and deepened, suspicion about the merely figurative use of beauty will continue to arise. The mind of a man (note this is only in reference to men and not women in this literature) is controlled via craving/delusion and may be disorderly. However, is this “disorder” comparable to that of an untended garden?

🖼️ Some ancient texts argue the causal connections between moral character and physical beauty, with the potential purpose of inviting a transfer of the vocabulary of beauty from the latter to the former. For example, think of the passages mentioned earlier where Buddha describes physical beauty as a future karmic reward for a virtuous life. However, causal connections like this are insufficient to warrant a transfer of terms from physical beauty to its correlation to a person’s character. If references to inner beauty are to be justified, more intimate connections than ones of analogy and cause and effect need to be established between the inner essence of a person and the primary domain of beauty, things as experienced through the ordinary senses. So let us explore further…

🎀 Philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein (ashwini surya, conjunct buddha to the exact degree, and uttara bhadrapada chandra) once spoke “the human body is the best picture of the human soul”. As a painting may express the feelings of an artist, so too the body, via gesture, comportment, facial expression, or demeanor, is an expression of a person’s inner reality, their character. Inferring only when the inner finds beautiful expression in the body, there is good reason to speak of inner beauty. Similar to when a person’s attitude is described as cheerful due to their cheerful smile and physical gestures that convey it to other people. In this case, the beautiful soul is “beautiful” because its bodily expression in the world is beautiful. Expression, therefore, is a kind of intimate connection required between the inner and the outer. The virtuous mind and/or character is only beautiful because it finds beautiful expression in and through the body. The idea that virtue, like courage, finds bodily expression is no more difficult and controversial than the idea of bodily expression of feelings, i.e. cheerfulness and sadness. A gesture, for example, is an expression of anger or courage when it is itself angry or courageous, and in a way that presents itself as having such a quality, at least to the mindful observer. So why should virtue find expression in beautiful gestures? Is this a matter of luck?

🧧 This connection is not at all a matter of luck. Beauty that is expressed bodily is the expression of virtue. We recognize and appreciate gestures, facial expressions and so on as beautiful precisely because we experience them as expressions of virtue. A woman’s smile, for example, is found to be beautiful because it is seen to express compassion. A monk’s comportment is deemed to be beautiful because it is experienced as an expression of humility. It may perhaps be that this expression of compassion or humility is faux. But that does not negate from the fact that our reasoning for finding the smile or comportment beautiful is the perception of it as an expression of virtue. Behavior that expresses anger may be feigned, that does not mean that the connection between angry behavior and an angry mood is merely contingent. Nor is the connection between beauty of expression and virtue. This is why bodily altercations for the purpose of increasing one’s beauty is not necessarily warranted for demonization.

🪭 This virtue-based attitude toward bodily beauty was personified by the words of Kant. Kant argues beauty belongs to the human body due to the body’s manifestation of moral virtues. There are similarities to this virtue emphasis in Buddhist texts too. For example, it is implied that it is appropriate to call Subh “beautiful by reason of dharma” because of the ways her holiness is manifested in her personal cleanliness and calm/grace of her comportment. Some testaments to Buddha’s physical beauty are centered around his sexual attractiveness to women who are “overpowered by passion” in his presence. Therefore, it is true that sometimes Buddha is found to be physically beautiful, even by people deemed to possess pure minds, as gentle dispositions are casual for other virtues such as fine countenance and posture to manifest. According to canonical texts, nearly all of which make for masculine physical beauty, include “the torso of a lion” and “straight limbs” of which are aspects of the Buddha’s comportment, such as effortless grace of movement, cleanliness, and calm that are expressions of his virtue. It is not only in Pali and Sanskrit literature that there is evidence of a virtue-based understanding of bodily beauty. In eastern asian Buddhist writings, there are similar understandings and underlying connections. For example, beauty is not merely of appearance, but of the spirit (suggesting both are intertwined). It is this inner quality that possesses beauty precisely because of the way it manifests itself outwards via grand gestures, glances and poise. Thus implying there is no warrant for referring to inner beauty as beautiful unless this beauty is expressed in and through the body.

📿 For a person’s character or inner reality to qualify as beautiful, it must possess magnetism. It must attract the heart. Whether this magnetism or attraction is thought of as a further condition of inner beauty, in addition to bodily expression, or as an aspect of this expression that deserves to be made salient in an account of inner beauty is up to one’s personal spiritual journey. Either way, it is through the body that a person exercises magnetism and attracts the hearts/adoration of others. This beauty must be magnetic and attractive via exerting radiance that draws people to it, is an idea found in the teachings of Plato, Plotinus and a minority of later Christian thinkers such as the pseudo-dionysius. It is this magnetism that distinguishes the beautiful from the good. Certain states of a person can be considered “beautiful” and this is due to the person who exemplifies such beauty embodying or mediating a certain concentration of energy. This energy sustains a certain demeanor and perspective and through this radiation and attraction. It is an energy that is aptly described as an object or form of eros (erotic love). For a person to count as beautiful, it is not enough that their virtue shows up in some way, such as solely via donations that one makes to charities or volunteer work. It must show up in an aesthetically charged way: via gestures, demeanor, style, and presence that draws others, sensitive to the energy being radiated, to the person. For just as there was recognition that inner beauty must be bodily expressed, so there is an acknowledgement in some Buddhist texts that inner beauty must attract.

🔮 Consider once more the texts that attest to Buddha’s personal beauty. Gotama was said to become radiant in the presence of Buddha’s beauty and seeing him there, standing in his beauty, men and women are drawn to devote themselves and offer reverence to him (similar to the powerful mahavidyas discussed in the vedic religion). Contrarily, consider the sequence of verses in the Dhammapada in which the search for perfection is compared to a bee’s search for a beautifully scented flower. In order to possess beauty, the words and actions of one must exude a perfume that attracts others. This perfume of virtue, one verse tells us, “gives joy to the soul”, as the light of wisdom is emitted by a truly enlightened follower of dharma. So too inner beauty exerts the same magnetism on the searcher for perfection as a flower’s scent attracts a bee. This theme of beauty’s magnetism is a persistent one. In the thirteenth century, Dogen observed that the body of a true follower of Buddhism feels at ease and “their actions take on grace”, so that this person’s “appearance attracts others”. In this text, Dogen is drawing upon not only Buddhist principles, but a Daoist and Confucian tradition in which the de (‘virtue’) of “the consummate person” or sage is conceived of in terms of charisma, of an inner goodness that is at power to influence and attract others.

🪔 Beauty’s magnetism is attested to by contemporary Buddhists as well. In “Attracting the Heart”, Samuels examines the aesthetics of the emotions in present day Sri Lankan religious life. Samuels’ research provides a source of Buddhist testimonies, mainly from monks and novices, in relation to the magnetic power of moral beauty. For example, he speaks of how they attempt to go beautifully in order to attract the people’s hearts via their dignified posture, speech, or cleanliness. Stating a monk must be “beautiful to the eye” or to the ear, when reciting verses in order make people feel longing for “the holy life”. As Samuels states, his research confirms that there is value in an aesthetic standard that informs Buddhist practice and invests into a quality of bodily movement, posture, speech, and action. Thus, inducing an aesthetically pleasing transformation. This attempted to justify the notion of inner beauty that several authors attribute to Buddhist thinking. Such a justification is at least intimated in Buddhist texts and testimony. Thus, virtue, in order to constitute beauty of character, must be beautifully expressed in and through the body, in a way moreover that exerts magnetism or attraction. Later on, I explore the possibility that a distinctively Buddhist understanding of beauty in art may be inspired by the Buddhist understanding of inner beauty. Earlier, I spoke of the assertion that awakened experience is an experience of beauty, but it may be right to suggest, immediately afterwards, that through the awareness sought by Buddhists, our appreciation of the arts is also enriched. If this is true, however, it will solely be attributed to the beauty appreciated in art as it is intimately related to the inner beauty previously discussed.

🧘🏽‍♀️ For some Buddhists, the most contrary feature to the religion of the ordinary discourse of beauty is its discrimination, on the basis of subjective experience, between beautiful and non-beautiful things. The “beauty” that simply stands opposed to ugliness is not true beauty… but deemed to be rather a dualistic idea according to Yanagi Soetsu (uttara bhadrapada surya and swati chandra). True beauty, Soetsu describes, is a state of mind, of “freedom from impediment and preoccupation”. For someone who achieves this state of mind, “everything is beautiful”, includ- ing all works of art. These remarks attempt to relate beauty in the world to an inner, ‘true’ beauty of the mind but not without nuance. Yanagi himself makes the very distinctions between beautiful and vulgar (or graceful and garish) artworks which can be contradictory. Whether or not an intelligible concept of beauty, according to which everything is beautiful, can be developed, it is clear that this would not be the ordinary, central concept of beauty. To be told that, in the Buddhist understanding of ‘true beauty’, all art is beautiful is, in effect, to be told that Buddhism has nothing to contribute to the aesthetics of beauty in art.

🎨 The challenge is to work outwards towards a notion of beauty in the world and in art, one that is compatible with discernment between the beautiful and the non-beautiful, from the notion of inner beauty previously spoken about. We have encountered, in effect, a clear-cut, paradigmatic, case of worldly beauty–in the gesture, demeanor, comportment or whatever bestows a beautiful expression to virtue of character, and thereby justifies reference to inner beauty. The body and its actions are in and of the world, their beauty is, in this sense at least, worldly beauty. Crucially, we have also encountered a case where beauty of bodily expression is at the same time a case of beauty in art. Zeami’s view that a certain kind of inner beauty manifests itself outwards in the gestures, glances and poise of an individual. But this individual is an actor, whose beautiful bodily expression therefore belongs to an art form. More generally, in an appropriate context bodily movements and activity may constitute artistic performance, such as a dance. In such contexts, there is no difficulty in seeing that art inherits, via the bodily activity that constitutes it, the inner beauty that it expresses.

🪻 This concept may be applicable to other arts and practices, including many of those that, in East Asia, are called “ways" (Japanese do, as in judo). Not all of these – swordsmanship, for example, or calligraphy (shodo), or the way of tea (chado) – are accepted by the standard Western connotations of ‘the arts’, and certainly not of ‘the fine arts’. But, in Asia, a distinction between arts and crafts, and between these and various other do, is not a definite one. Indeed, it is regarded as an artificial and potentially misleading dualism. Arts or ‘ways’ such as archery, the tea ceremony and gardening differ from dance and mime, typically, in having a practical purpose, such as hitting a target, making tea or creating a garden. That is one reason why these arts require the use of ‘instruments’--a sword, a tea whisk, a hoe–as well as bodily movement. But it is not unnatural to regard these instruments as extensions of the body, as specifically honorary parts of the body. For in none of these practices is the instrument deemed to be a mere tool, to be used in a way dictated solely by a goal. These instruments are to be used with respect and, like one’s hands, with expression. The gardener or tea master is not just clearing away weeds or brewing up a nice cup of tea. They are engaged in a practice that bodies forth the virtues, including compassion, humility, mindfulness, and friendship. In effect, they are concerned with practicing an art or following a way in a beautiful style. Like Zeami’s actor or a dancer in a Buddhist temple, the gardener and tea master via their own and their extended, ‘honorary’ body seek for beautiful physical expression of an inner beauty.

🎭 Many of the Buddhist-inspired arts or ways, the sharp distinction familiar in Western discourse between practice and product, between artistry and artwork, is rejected. It may be an exaggeration to say that, for gardeners, caring for the garden is not a chore, but the very point of having a garden in the first place. But it not only conveys that gardening is not a mere means to an end, the garden itself, but it is a place that depends on a gardener’s continuing care, the garden is not a finished product distinct from the practice of making and maintaining it. To focus, therefore, on the beauty of a practice is not, in the case of many ‘ways’, to ignore the beauty of something, the work, that is separable from the practice. Additionally, even when a distinction is made between a bodily action and its artistic product, many Buddhist artists would refuse to accept that aesthetic attention should exclusively, or even primarily, be devoted to the latter. It is easy enough, of course, to distinguish a calligrapher’s action in drawing with a brush and ink from the characters that are the result of this action. But when it is said of Kobara Sensei, that he and his art “had become one”, the point is to emphasize that the products of an individual’s art are not to be appreciated in isolation from admiration for the individual themself, for the virtues, like kindness, enable their works to look the way they do.

🩰 Kobara’s virtue, his inner beauty, enables his works to look as they do in and through the bodily movements, the physical style, that at once express it and create the characters on the paper. This is an example of the general way in which, for Buddhists, artworks inherit the inner beauty of the people who make them. By giving a sense of the beautiful bodily engagement through which they came into existence, the works themselves body forth the inner beauty of the virtues. Interestingly in twentieth-century Western art criticism, there also developed an appreciation of works as expressive of the bodily activity responsible for them. A significant aspect, for example, of people’s enjoyment of works by Van Gogh, Rodin and Pollock is the palpable sense these works require a certain strength and energy that went into their making. The difference between this occurrence in Western art appreciation and the more abiding Asian tradition is the concern in the latter for the moral beauty that is expressed in an artist’s bodily practice. By extending to art the idea of the body as being beautiful in and through its magnetic expression of inner beauty, it is possible, then, to endorse Batchelor’s beliefs that Buddhism is not just inner experiences. It is known through buildings, gardens, sculptures, paintings, calligraphy, poetry and craftwork’ and “present in” the marks and gestures of artists and artisans.

💋 Please do let me know if I should post the second installment of this document! I have been candid to some about my current health struggles and taking a leave of absence from ballet. I am so incredibly touched with everyone’s kind words and appreciate the amount of kindness i have been met with during these vulnerable moments. I love each and everyone of you and am deeply praying for your successes and triumphs. While I spoke of Buddhism in this post, I will talk about Buddha (mercury) and certain nakshatras correlated to this theory soon…

xoxo,

angel 💋

[pompomqt]

Journey to the West Chapter 45

The Three Great Immortal Daoists creating rain with the power of a mountain of paperwork and going through the proper channels:

Sun Wukong creating rain with the power of bullying gods and dragons:

In this chapter of Journey to the West with @journeythroughjourneytothewest, Sun Wukong and friends are challenged to a little rain making competition. So let's get into it shall we?

We begin this chapter where we last left off, with a young Daoist running off in fright to grab the Three Immortals. In the meantime Sun Wukong pinches Pigsy and Sandy to make them shut the hell up, so by the time all the Daoist's file back into the room they have composed themselves and are able to mimic the statues. Anyways the Daoists come in to find all the offerings eaten, but apparently no one actually here, so they make the assumptions that their prayers managed to summon the three pure ones down to earth. The three immortal daoists decide that they should take the opportunity to ask for some holy water and elixir while they have their attention.

So the immortals start up their ritual again, and our three disciples are left in a rather awkward situation. Monkey eventual decides to cut them off and say that 'aw geez, they would love to help they really would, but they just back from the Immortal Peach Festival, so now really isn't a great time. Would they be willing to take an I.O.U on the whole immortal elixir thing?' The three immortals are really insistent that they really want that elixir though. So before they can start praying for another few hours, Monkey cuts them off again and says 'Fine, you guys win. I'll get you some golden elixir. Just give us a few moments of privacy and a couple of vessels.'

So the Daoists leave the room, and before Pigsy or Sandy can ask where they are supposed to get some golden elixir from, Monkey whips it out and starts filling the container with monkey pee. Sandy and Pigsy of course gleefully follow suit. After they've filled their containers with some... ahem 'Holy Water' they call the Daoists back in, who immediately decide to give it a taste test. The Daoists remark that this holy water doesn't taste very good, and smells remarkably like hog urine. Unable to contain himself anymore, Monkey proudly declares they they just drank the urine of the Monks of the Great Tang. With that they exit stage left pursued by angry Daoists.

Pigsy, Sandy and Monkey all make it back to the Buddhist temple in one piece and rest up until morning. When morning arrives the three of them go with Tripitaka to get their travel papers certified, just in case this kingdom tries any funny business against Tripitaka. And sure enough, the King takes one look at these currently un-enslaved bhuddist monks and immediately goes to call some guards to remedy that situation. Luckily one of the kings advisors actually has a few brain cells knocking around in his skull, so he tells the king that these monks are from super far away and probably went through a boatload of demons to get here. So they must have some serious power, so it's probably best not to mess with them.

So the king agrees to hear them out to avoid a hassle, but just as he's about to sign their travel certificate, the Three Immortals burst in to yell their objection. The Daoists explain to the king that these hooligans have been causing nothing but trouble since they arrived yesterday- freeing their slaves and killing the slavers, destroying their property, making them drink monkey pee, ect. Which honestly I'm surprised they were willing to admit to that last one- if it were me and I were tricked like that I would never admit to it even under pain of death lol. Anyways, Monkey takes it upon himself to be their legal counsel and objects to these charges. Saying there is no witnesses or proof of any kind, to prove any of this. Also, if they did do it, how is it that these super powerful immortals weren't able to stop them?

Thankfully the king is a bit of a dimwit, so this successfully confuses him. Luckily for the king though, before he has to try and use his brain to sort this all out, someone comes in and tells him that there is a village requesting rain from the Three Immortals. So the king decides to solve one problem with another, and challenges the pilgrims to a rainmaking competition. If these bhuddists can succeed where the bhuddists of this country failed twenty years ago and summon some rain, they'll be free to go, but if they can't they are all gonna be beheaded. Sun Wukong, who's made it a sort of habit to bully the dragon kings into giving him rain whenever he needs it, is fine with this plan.

So the challenge is on, and the Daoist's are up first. And just to make sure there is no funny business, like the Daoist's trying to take credit from them for the rain, Monkey has them explain what they are going to do. So Tiger Strength Immortal explains that he is going to strike his tablet four times to summon the wind, cloud, lighting and rain respectively while his fifth strike will call the rain off. Monkey has never seen this before so he sticks by Tripitaka to observe the situation.

So the Daoist's get to work with a really elaborate set up and tons of paperwork. Eventually though they are ready to get this show on the road and Tiger Strength Immortal strikes his tablet for the first time, and sure enough a breeze starts up. Monkey decides to shut this nonsense down and leaves a duplicate in his place next to Tripitaka so he can check out what's really going on. Monkey immediately spots the cause of the wind, which is a couple of minor gods. He explains the situation to them and tells them if they like all their bones where they are to help him instead of the Daoists. The wind gods of course agree and call off the breeze. Seeing the wind cut off, Pigsy of course takes the opportunity to heckle the Daoist's.

Sun Wukong also takes the time to intercept the other minor gods who come to assist in making the storm and convinces them to help him instead. He also learns that the Daoist's are able to make rain like this by filing all the right paperwork and getting approval from the Jade Emperor. Seeing how there is no storm yet, the Daoist's start getting desperate and call for the big guns- the four ocean dragons. Which isn't a problem for Sun Wukong since he's coerced all those guys before.

Now that Monkey has everyone he needs to create his own storm, he comes up with a signal, where he'll point his staff into the air to summon each part of the storm similar to how the Daoist's were using the tablets. Plan in place, Monkey returns to Tripitaka and boo's the Daoist's off the stage before pushing Tripitaka up instead. Monkey tells him to just recite some sutra's or something while he handles the rest. And sure enough Monkey doesn't leave Tripitaka high and drive, for as soon as he starts up the Heart Sutra, Monkey begins summoning the storm. And what a storm it is, the gods hold nothing back in creating this tsunami of a storm, probably because they're afraid Monkey might hit them if they don't give it there best.

It's a bit to much though, and soon enough the King is calling for him to turn it off, which Monkey does so in an instant with one last signal to the gods overhead. Either way the storm certainly impressed the king, and he is more then willing to certify their travel certificates at this point. The Daoist's however aren't willing to take the loss. The Daoist's explain that the dragons were probably just requested somewhere else first, and were just late to show up, but that the storm was still theirs. Which... isn't completely wrong I guess.

So rather then arguing with that rather true logic, Monkey instead just suggests another competition. If the Daoist's can compel the Dragon Kings to show themselves, they can take the win. The King is of course all about this plan since it means he'll get to see a real life dragon, so he orders them all to try. The Daoist's confess that they can't do that, and suggests Monkey give it a try. So Monkey gives a shout to the dragons floating overhead and orders them to reveal themselves, which they dare not disobey.

So the dragons all show themselves and the king is delighted by their presence. After a while he dismisses them and says he'll hold a special mass for them another day. Wukong repeats the dismissal and the Dragon Kings make themselves scarce. And with that we end this chapter of Journey to the West.

Current Sun Wukong Stats: Names/Titles: Monkey, The Stone Monkey, The Handsome Monkey King, Sun Wukong (Monkey awakened to the void), Bimawen (Banhorseplague), The Great Sage Equal To Heaven and Pilgrim Sun. Immortality: 5 + 94,000 years Weapon: The Compliant Golden Hooped Rod Abilities: 72 Transformations, Cloud-Somersault, Ability to transform his individual hairs, super strength, Ability to Summon Wind, Water restriction charm, and the ability to change into a huge war form, ability to duplicate his staff, ability to immobilize others, the ability to put others to sleep, and the Fiery eyes and Diamond Pupils, intimidating horses, churning large bodies of water, sleeplessness, seizing the wind, enhanced smell, discerning good and evil within a thousand miles, Spirit Summoning, lock picking, object transformation, distance reduction and vanishing in a flash of light. Demon Kill Count: 9+ Unknown Number of Minions Human Kill Count: 1008 God's Defeated: 22 + Unknown number Defeats: 5 Crime List: Robbery, Murder, Mass Murder, Arson, Theft, Coercion, Threatening a Government Official, Resisting Arrest, Assault, Forgery, Employee Theft, False Imprisonment, Impersonating a Government Official, Treason, attempted murder, failure to control or report a dangerous fire, desecrating a corpse, breaking and entering, trespassing, violating Tree Law, looting corpses, trading counterfeit goods, criminal threat, animal abuse, Assisting or Instigating Escape, Damage to Religious Property and contaminating a substance for human consumption Cry Count: 7 + 3 fake cries Mountains Trapped Under: 4

Current Tang Sanzang stats: Names/Titles: River Float, Xuanzang, Tang Sanzang, Tripitaka and the Tang Monk Abilities: Curing Blindness, making branches point a certain direction (allegedly), reciting sutras, pretty privilege, memorization and Heart Sutra. Cry Count: 21 Tight Fillet Spell Uses: 31 Paralyzed by fear: 5 Bandit Problems: 2 Kidnapped by demons: 6 Falling Off Horses: 8

Current Bai Long Ma Stats: Names/Titles: Bai Long Ma (White Dragon Horse), Prince of the Western Ocean, and third prince jade dragon of the dragon king Aorun Abilities: Transforming into a human, a water snake, and a horse, eating a horse in one bite, flight, Magic of Water Restriction, Singing, and Sword Dancing. Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Arson, and Grave Disobedience. Contributions to the plot: 2

Current Zhu Wuneng Stats: Names/Titles: The Marshal of the Heavenly Reeds, Zhu Wuneng (Pig who is aware of ability), Zhu Ganglie, Pigsy, Idiot and Eight Rules. Weapon: Rake Abilities: 36 Transformations, parting water, fighting underwater, cloud soaring, size enhancement and CPR Demon Kill Count/Kill steals: 2 Kidnapped by Demons: 3 Human Kill Count: 1 Failed Flirtation/romances Attempts: 3 Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Sexual Harassment, Murder, Kidnapping, arson, defamation, Damage to Religious Property and contaminating a substance for human consumption

Current Sha Wujing Stats: Names/Titles: The Curtain-Raising General, Sha Wujing (Sand Aware of Purity), Sandy and Sha Monk Weapon: Monster Taming Staff Abilities: Fighting underwater and Cloud soaring. Demon Kill Count: Unknown number of minions. Kidnapped by Demons: 2 Human Kill Count: 1 Crime List: Breaking a Crystal Cup, murder, desecration of a human corpse, Damage to Religious Property and contaminating a substance for human consumption

[renatogpadilla]

THOUGHTS ON CR3E92 IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

- FIRST EVER CR CROSSOVER EPISODE?!

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

- Dariax said "This Flute doesn't play itself anymore." Doriax canon offscreen?

- "After all the handjobs, this is what we mean to you?!" Damn... I mean, I'm glad Opal and Cyrus found a way to relieve stress, Gods know they're both stressed, but damn.

- Ending the episode on Opal Twice-Crowned hitting phase 2 of the boss fight was EVIL!

I love it, @quiddie ! I feel like when this gets animated in a decade or so, we'll get this fight and the fight with Otohan Thull overlayed one on top of the other for a Season Finale or something!

- Raven Queen going two for two on Rogues turned Paladin! Which is great, but now I have to replan Morrighan's moveset for that imaginary Critical Role fighting game that only exists in my head (somebody ask me about it please, I NEED to talk about it!) but at least she gets some Smite options out of the Bunny Hop command jump!

- Dariax is a Bard now too! That's honestly so perfect for Matt! And the fact that both Sorcerers and Bards are Charisma Casters makes me feel like the Synergies are gonna be great!

- Oh, Dorian, wonderful blue king... That's a lot of strength that your Dice will never agree to let you use for anything cool. I missed you SO MUCH!

- Speaking of that imaginary CR fighting game, this just solidified Opal as a puppet character. The tag combos with Ted would be WILD! Think Kenshi from MK1!

- Fy'ra Rai... Just... FY'RA RAI! Gods, I've missed Anjali at the table! Her memory with Opal, her tug-of-war with her thoughts about her sister... THE LAVA WHIP! Nothing sexier than Monks! Except a pissed off Wizard or Druid.

- On the other side of the table, I LOVE the moment the girls all collectively remembered they had to break the news to Frida... Oh, that's gonna hurt BAD!

- Anyone else noticed that Ashton is BURNT OUT and laying on the ground after his Titan form wears off, but Fearne just says she's really tired and just KEEPS GOING? Ashton is DONE for now, but Fearne needs to keep moving forward... Fuck, I love these two.

- Orym... Just... Orym. If you take a level in Barbarian after this, I wouldn't blame you.

- Side-Note: This means Dorian DID get Orym's last message before they went to the moon! He just didn't/couldn't answer! Which means, through the static and everything, Dorian COULD hear Orym! And now he's probably gonna get this message once the battle is over... Jesus, if they get to Zephra and Keyleth went to the Lodge next to the lake that's gonna be a problem...

- Side-Note Side-Note: Anyone else hoping to GOD that Allura called the Nein to help? Cause Beau and Caleb were involved, but now it feels like an "All Hands on Deck" situation, and we could use Kingsley's small army of pirates right about now...

- So much happened this episode between the grieving and the flashbacks and the rolling for handjobs that I didn't have time to process the splinter cell of Xhorhasians that split their soul in twain until I woke up... Opal may have forgotten, but maybe Ted hasn't? Though if they're the same person, maybe they both forgot...

- Aabria, the corrupting of the Memories was FOUL, I LOVE IT!!!

- Somebody needs to tell Essek about the soul-splitters. In fact, let's get to that while we deal with Ashton too!

- IF OPAL DIES, AMY CAN COME OVER AS DENI$E! Like, I don't WANT her to die, but Westruun isn't that far... 👀

- I just realized this is the first ever FULL episode of CR without Sam at the table... Fuck, man, when it hurts it hurts. Glad Marisha brought back the fan.

"Forgot the Consonants?" "No Letters." OUCH, MISS RAY, WHAT THE FUCK?!

- Raven Queen Paladins hasting themselves first thing in the fight. Vax is back, and he's a Bunny Girl now!

- I like that the Crownkeepers are a two-way Overwatch reunion (McCree Cassidy and Symmetra) and a three-way Persona 5 reunion (Yusuke, Ann Futaba and Akechi).

- Everything was so fucked this episode that everything with Liliana got knocked to the background for me, THAT'S how good it was!

- The SECOND Evoroa said Ludinos was on Exandria I knew EXACTLY where he would be! Now we HAVE to get the Nein involved, right? Unless the bastard makes the city float again...

I cannot WAIT for the next episode! And if Sam brings a new character when all the groups are together, it would be SPECTACULAR! I'm guessing he's going to play one of the moon races, because that just sounds cool... Either that or Tary!

[grifff17]

Audiodrama Sunday 04/28/24

So much stuff this week! I think this is going to be my longest writeup yet!

@camlannpod what the fuck? Trying to avoid spoilers, but the ending of that episode was wild. The sound design for the last scene was so good. Also “You're good with an axe, right?” was brutal, I audibly said "oof". Only 1 more episode in the season, hopefully they get funding for a second one.

The first episode of @wanderersjournalpod came out this week. This was a promising start to a new show, I'm excited to see where it goes from here. The setting feels very mystical, I can't wait to learn more about the world.

@worldsbeyondpod was so tense. Suvi and Ame had the most awkward conversation in existence. This story has so much nuance, neither of them are clearly in the right, though I feel inclined to take Ame's side due to the "Geas + Alter Memory" double espionage scheme. Meanwhile Ursulon discovers that Orima of the Reaching Green is a short queen and gets a cool horse.

I'm now up to date with @lostterminal. Season 15 was great. I love Nia, and Daphne and Raffi were really interesting new characters. Also, the dragon was terrifying. This show doesn't usually have very much action, so the confrontation with it really stood out. The description of the automatic turret going "click, click" as it locked on to Maddie was so intimidating.

@worldgonewrongpod I loved this episode. The storytelling felt so natural and real, like someone telling me a story about a weird road trip they went on. I think I said this about the last episode too, but this was my favorite episode yet. It also sets up the backstory which was never really explained as to why Jamie and Malik are separated at all.

In @midstpodcast we finally had a nicer episode. No horrible fucked up Weep/Trust stuff happening, just Lark reunited with Zeila and Sherman. However, there's so much tension between these characters. I was surprised that Lark forgave Sherman for selling her out. Something to remember is that Lark and Sherman had been hooking up before everything went to shit, which was mentioned once and I think really changes their relationship.

New @keepitsteadypod! This is the first new episode of this show since I started doing these. This was a really cute episode. For how popular fake dating is as a trope in fandom spaces, you don't see a lot of it in audiodramas.

Fun episode of Mission Rejected this week. It was cool to see Bowden go from "vain actor" to "badass spy" when the stakes ramped up. We don't get to see him take charge very often, it was neat for him to be a competent leader. I wonder if the gang lying to Zelda(who definitely saw through it) and Chet(who probably didn't) is foreshadowing for more of a conflict with the new Secretary of Defense later in the season. Also I loved the squabbling gay couple running an illegal mining operation as the villains of the week.

@breakerwhiskey episode 200 wow. A letter from Harry! We learned that Harry has been listening to most of Whiskey's broadcasts, which recontextualizes a lot of the previous episodes. Also, the end was heartbreaking.

I started season 2 of @longcatmedia's Mockery Manor! I'm 2 episodes in and really like it so far. JJ and Bettie are employed in different parks, JJ is on the run from an organized crime ring, and Bettie became a monk? Also, it's clear that neither Hilda nor Jenkins stole the shipment, neither of them have motive. But I don't know who else would have motive either. Lots of mysteries this season.

Spout Lore had a great planning episode. I'm excited for the "saving Highspear" arc, the Highspear is so cool as a concept. A reverse Tower of Babel, that lets the whole world talk with each other. A literal monument to wizard hubris, which feels destined to fall. However I doubt it will, because, as the players mentioned, it would be really annoying from a storytelling perspective if everyone suddenly spoke different languages. This has actually made me realize I really want a story set shortly after some sort of "fall of the Tower of Babel", where communication is a struggle, but that's just because I think linguistics is cool. Anyways, the buffet talk had me rolling.

What a great week! However, it did not help my queue, which continues to grow instead of get smaller. I'll reach the end of it one day.