#well maybe actually a little social pressure works on me cause i remember i originally gave this three stars on letterboxd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

help-im-a-gay-fish · 4 years

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OK! THIS IS PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE FLUFFYNIGHTKILLER HEADCANNON I'VE COME UP WITH.

My people, I love this and I hope you do. Its a long one, but I promise its worth it.

So ever since I read this head cannon from @yuriyuruandyuraart I've had one nagging thought.

Polygamous marriage is illegal.

So as much as I loved this story of them getting engaged, they couldn't ever get married, but I didn't wanna rain on everyone's parade so I kept it to myself. Until now!

While talking with @jann-the-bean I came up with this and Jan loved it! So I hope you guys do to.

So imagine that the 3 of them are going around telling their friends and family about their engagement, in the classic happy kind of way. It's all well and good, Dream is thrilled to find out his brother is so happy. However, then he realises the law and Dream pulls his brother aside.

Dream "Uhh Night...Can I talk to you?"

Nightmare "yeah?"

Dream "I'm so happy that you got engaged brother.."

Nightmare "........."

Nightmare "but?"

Dream "but..... But isn't Polygamous marriage illegal?"

Nightmare "......."

And that was the glass shattering moment. Dream wasn't trying to be cruel or anything like that. He was just generally concerned that Nightmare hadn't thought of that.

So later that night, Nightmare brought it up to his partners and of course both of them where upset when they remembered that law. So began a long talk about what they could do. In the end Ccino mostly just said that it didn't matter to him if they were married, so long as they were together. Since he's still just a small city boy, he didn't really see that there was to much they could do, he was content to just maybe have a ceremony where they promise to be life partners, but not marry.

Nightmare and Killer on the other hand were not satisfied with that.

That Night, when Ccino was asleep the two got to talking. I like to think that over the years that Nightmare and Killer have become icons for the poly community, much like Elton Jon is one for the gay community. The two of them decided that they were going to use this to fight for the right to marry each other.

It started small. Posts on social media, comments in interviews. They started speaking out that they should be allowed to be wed. Because they loved each other and the law shouldn't stop them. There where online polls and campaigns as their fan base who had been a huge fan of the throuple started to back them up.

This is when Ccino became alerted to what they were doing. He was scared that they could damage their reputations and careers over this. He told them that he wasn't worth everything they were risking. That if they really wanted to get married, the two of them could and he'd just keep being their boyfriend.

They told him no and then lovingly told him to shut up and they would take care of it.

So began the start of a long legal battle, which all together spanned about 2 years. From when they first started talking about it online, to when the find judgment was made. They were denied.

In the end the court ruled that if polygamy was legalised, it would cause alot of issues. Its a taboo for a reason, and some people would just abuse it for their own gain.

Both Killer and Nightmare were heart broken. Ccino told them that he was so proud of them for trying and that he loved them more then ever. But Killer and Nightmare were still really upset.

This upset Ccino, because he'd seen how hard they had worked and as he thought over everything, he realised that he was actually irritated himself. In fact, he was a little angry. So now it was his turn to say No.

Ccino "you know what? No!"

Killer "what?"

Ccino "they said they couldn't legalise it because people would abuse the system"

Nightmare "yeah?"

Ccino "well I say No! That doesn't apply to us. You aren't some guy who wants a bunch of wives. We are 3 people who all love each other equally. We should have the right to marry"

Killer and nightmare "........"

Killer "we thought you said that you were ok with it"

Ccino "I'm not. Of course I'm not! I want to marry you both! "

So this prompted them to start a new campaign. If Polygamy couldn't be legalised for everyone, then they was campaign for the court to give the 3 of them legal right to marry. If a man could get the rights to marry himself (true story) and a women could be granted the right to marry a building (again, true story) then the 3 of them should be granted permission to marry.

So they took it back to court and this time Ccino took a more active roll in it, though Nightmare and Killer were more dominant. Ccino appeared with Nightmare and Killer in some interviews, but even if his mental health was much better at this point, he still couldn't fully handle all the pressure. But he put in a lot of work behind the scenes to help his partners in the case.

They Luckily still had the support of the public. They argued that they didn't want to abuse the system, they didn't want to have the bunch or wives or a bunch of husbands. They were 3 people who all loved each other deeply and just wanted to be married to each other.

Imagine the judge in court asking them why they wanted to make it legal to marry Ccino and why they couldn't just date him. And Killer just stands up like.

"dude have you seen him!? Who wouldn't want to make that fluffy marshmallow their husband?"

Then as Jan said this leaves poor Ccino (who is sat next to him) just a blushing mess and he says “Killer, don’t be so loud it’s embarrassing..”

Meanwhile, nightmare staring the judge dead in the eyes.

“I agree he’s to adorable not to marry, I mean if we don’t marry him someone else may try to steal him. And I refuse to let that happen”

(thanks for these ideas Jan)

After another 2 years or so of fighting for it. After all the public backing and the long process. Killer, Nightmare and Ccino are finally granted the right to marry.

Just imagine Nightmare trying to keep composed in court, though his having a little party in his head, and Killer on the other hand just stand on his table in court like.

"yes! Ha!"

Then he points at Ccino "guess what fluffy buns! We are marrying you!"

Ccino is so shocked, but he's also so happy. He truly never would have dreamt of this happening.

The moment that Nightmare, Killer are handed over the legal documents, they don't waste a moment, they grab Ccino and jump straight into their car. Then they drive straight to Las Vegas to elope not stopping to change or pack any clothes or anything, because they don't want to wait a second longer.

Of course Ccino gets super flustered at their suggestion to elope.

Ccino "get m-married right now!? But don't you want to wait? And have some big celebrity wedding? You mentioned it before"

Nightmare "nope"

Killer "we've been engaged for over 4 years, we want to put a ring on it right now!"

Nightmare "we don't need a big wedding, or all that stuff. We just need you to say I do"

Nightmare and Killer "so... Will you?"

Ccino "......"

Ccino "YES!"

(though maybe they stopped to pick up dream on the way. Nightmare probably knows that Dream would kill him if he missed his wedding.)

So the 3 were married in a small Chapel. Nothing fancy, but for them it was perfect. They all agreed that they would probably host a proper reception and ceremony for their friends and family to attend later. But for now, they didn't need that, they just needed to be married. It was a very small simple thing.

They probably stayed in a Vegas hotel that night. Probably had some time to celebrate. I just imagine Killer waking the two of them up the next morning with breakfast he'd ordered like:

"Good morning Husbands"

And he just can't keep the smile off his face.

About a year later they have a more formal ceremony. Which of course is super fun. But for them it doesn't change that fact that their actual wedding was truly perfect.

And dam I just love those 3. Jan was the one who wanted me to share this with you guys and I really hope you like it as much as me.

Dam it Dream XD

BTW, I know this most likely isn't fully realistic to what the legal system is like, but give me a break. I’m not a lawyer, I’m a shipper. Its fiction, just let me have it.

studio verse by @zu-is-here

original nightmare by jokublog

original killer by rahafwabas

original ccino by black-nyanko

Oh and @kotikaleo I'm sorry I forgot to tag you! You always as to be tagged in this stuff. Sorry idk if you saw it

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johnkrrasinski · 4 years

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𝐄𝐱𝐢𝐥𝐞

Chapter 2: Those Eyes Add Insult to Injury

full masterlist // series masterlist // commission open // support my work

Pairings: Dark!Steve Rogers (in future chapters) x Reader

Word Count: 2,554

Summary: Steve Rogers; a Hollywood A-lister and your clandestine occasional hookup. Best friends since childhood, but people change and friendships fall out. Now you were merely strangers with benefits. What happens when one day you stopped being his doormat to be a better man’s queen? The selfish Steve Rogers would not like it. How far is he willing to go to get his favorite possession back?

Warnings: smut, non-con/dub-con, dark Steve (in later chapter), angst, Steve Rogers is an asshole in this one, no redeeming qualities. (MUST BE 18+)

A/N: this series is dedicated to the lovely @belovedcherry who commissioned this story and developed the concept. thank you for being a friend when i truly needed it. i’m really glad that you trusted me to write this story for you. with all my heart, i sincerely hope you like it. this series will be updated everyday, there will be 4 more chapters ahead.

Several years had passed since you graduated. You and Wanda remained close despite the bustle of life would get in the way sometimes. She got accepted in Yale University and she chose to study Psychology. Maybe that’s why she and you got along so well. You both were humanitarians at hearts.

College was a lot more fun than high school but that also meant the bigger pressure would come along in one package. Nothing that you didn’t expect. You went into social study major to groom yourself for the future you had set for yourself. Life went along as methodically as you originally designed.

But fate was a comical thing sometimes. When it has settled its decision to place two people who have such a rich history in their past together, it would be inevitable and inescapable one way or another.

The past couple of years of high school, you and Steve were practically strangers who went to the same school. He never greeted or talked to you anymore in class and he abandoned every ritual you had in the good old days. He stopped calling or texting, he stopped answering and he stopped coming over.

He just… stopped knowing you.

There wasn’t a day that passed by without you pondering about where did it all go wrong? How did the fair-headed friendship that bloomed like the flowers in spring slip away as briskly as a bottle of wine? A million questions rushed through your nostalgic head and as the season changed, the gap between you and Steve kept extending wider and wider.

You didn’t even know whether he really went to college or not. Or perhaps, he decided to go straight into auditions and found himself a good agent who was willing to manage his career. You still remember when he was so eager to do whatever it takes to study in NYU but you assumed that things had changed since then. He was a different person, after all, maybe he had new plans to pursue his dreams. But of course, life deprecated its surprises being spoiled.

Who would’ve warned you that you would get accepted to New York University as well as Steve?

You didn’t know until you ran into him at a sorority party that you were reluctant to go at first because you were never that much of a party gal, but your roommate, Natasha coerced you to.

Natasha was a kind person but she could also be a little bold than you were used to. You were grateful that she was your roommate though, you were a little worried that you might have to live with someone who was mean or untidy, everything that Natasha was not. You could imagine the relief when you learned how organized and sensible Natasha was. You had a feeling that the friendship you and Natasha had was going to last a lifetime.

“My sweet girl, y/n, I love you but you really gotta put yourself out there, okay? Forget that motherfucker Steve Rogers. He ain’t shit. If you go to the party with me, you might actually find yourself a decent guy who’s a lot cuter than him and who will treat you right. Because if he doesn’t then I’m gonna kick his ass and he will think twice before cheating on you.”

“I’m not looking for a boyfriend, Nat. Besides, I don’t care about Steve anymore,” you lied. “It’s not even about him, I’m just simply not much of a partier.”

“Bullshit. You are now. Let’s go. I won’t hear any more excuses.”

So you had no other choice but to put on a simple dress and went to the party with Nat. There was no saying no to her when she had made up her mind. Plus, you thought it would be a good idea to familiarize yourself with the vicinity and your potential classmates.

You also wrote a new resolution in your invisible diary that you were going to expand your connection in college and socialize more. You were only really friends with Wanda back in high school. You also shared a few classes with Pete Parker who was nice and smart, despite being a little gauche sometimes and you would often talk to him but that was it.

You also lost your childhood best friend who knew you better than anyone else before Wanda did. It truly deteriorated your trust issues and that’s why it was difficult for you to insert yourself in social situations and just effortlessly talk with any stranger.

You stood in the corner with a red plastic cup in your hand that was still almost full of beer. You didn’t drink either so you had no idea why you even bothered holding it. Maybe it gave you a sense of comfort that you wouldn’t be totally alone in this party.

Natasha had asked you to dance but you knew you’d look like an untrained clown at a circus, so you refused to join her. Natasha was currently lost in the music, dancing with a guy named Clint. You had no idea who the hell he was but he seemed nice, and you knew that if Clint had bad intentions with Natasha, he wouldn’t stand a chance and you wouldn’t let him so you assigned yourself the job to watch over Natasha and bring her home safely in case she chugs down a little too much alcohol.

Your eyes wandered around the room, trying to recognize and learn some faces. It felt like you were the only lonely person in the room as the exuberant music faded into the background. Everything felt slow and steady until the person who just walked through the door made your heart stop.

It was Steve. Steve Rogers.

The person you had incessantly wondered about. You hadn’t seen him in over a year even during the gap between graduating and starting your freshman year in college. You were too occupied in moving out, spending as many time as possible with Wanda and your family and filling out college requirements. Steve would emerge in your mind every once in a while but you tried to erase him away as quickly as possible when it happens because you didn’t want to waste your time missing a ghost and someone who probably never spared a second of his life thinking about you too when you are surrounded with your loved ones for the last time.

You didn’t know when you were going to be able to see Wanda again. She was going to New Haven and that means, it would take at least at two hours drive to visit her so you cherished the last moments that you had with her. She was like a sister to you. You still talked to Wanda nearly every day through texts but you also didn’t want to intrude her study too much. Besides, you had your own duties too as a college student now.

So why did it feel like your lungs stopped functioning when you saw his gorgeous face and those familiar pair of cerulean blue eyes? He had a grin on his face as he walked in with five other college boys. You didn’t know who they were but you assumed they were his new group of nitwit friends. Steve was wearing a brown leather jacket with a black shirt underneath.

He walked to where the kegs were with the boys trailing him along like they were his security team. They joked with each other boisterously as if they owned the place. Typical. Nothing you hadn’t seen in high school. But you couldn’t avert your sights from Steve. You were too riveted by the fact that Steve was here, at a sorority party of NYU.

It couldn’t really be him, right? I mean, is this serious? You two really attended the same university? This must be a joke.

Your thoughts were quickly interrupted when Nat pat your shoulder with her energy still blazing from the dance floor. “Whew, that was fun but I need some drink now.”

You didn’t respond as your lips were still agape, not knowing what you were supposed to say to her.

“Y/N? You alright? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“He’s here.”

“What? Who?”

“Steve Rogers. The guy that I told you about.”

“Where?!”

You pointed in his direction where he was surrounded by a bunch of pretty girls in skimpy dresses now. One of them was groping his bicep shamelessly and Steve had his arm around her waist. She threw her head back as she laughed cheerfully at something he just said.

“You gotta talk to him! Have some closure.”

“What? What the hell am I supposed to say to him?”

“Tell him that you and him are through and maybe, throw a drink at him afterwards. That scumbag deserves it.”

“Nat, no! Are you insane? I don’t wanna cause a scene.”

“But you can’t just let him get away with whatever he wants, y/n!”

“No, let’s just go home and forget it, okay?”

“Alright, if you’re not gonna talk to him, then I will.”

“No, Nat! Stop! What are you doing?! ” But she was already approaching him with ardent footsteps and fire in her guts as she brazenly inserted herself into the middle of the scene.

“Excuse me,” she sarcastically greeted the group. “Yeah, hi, I just need a minute. Are you Steve Rogers?”

You followed behind her but you stood just a few feet away from the incident so that Steve wouldn’t see you. But you could see from over Nat’s shoulder that Steve had a perplexed look on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed and all the girls around him were staring at Nat like she was a crazy person who just randomly popped up uninvited.

“…yeah.” He answered.

“Oh, so you’re the asshole that my roommate has been talking about. Man, she really didn’t lie.”

“Excuse me?” The puzzled look on his face turned into an offended one.

“Yeah, my roommate y/n. Does that ring a bell?”

He was aghasted at the mention of your name. Before he was given a chance to answer, Natasha filled his silence with more of her venomous words. “You really have the audacity to show your face here, huh? I swear to you, the next time I see your irritable face again, I will make you regret for ever breathing in my direction, but for now, I think this will do.” She threw the beer in her cup onto his face, humiliating him in front of everyone who was entertained by the drama.

Steve wiped his face with his hand and he was too stupefied by the information that had just been dumped on him like a cold water. Well, it wasn’t entirely figurative though.

Before Natasha walked away, she sneered with a sly smirk on her face, “enjoy your party.” She shoved the empty cup to one of the girl’s chest as she reflexively caught it, with a flummoxed expression, her eyes didn’t stray from Natasha.

She walked away vauntingly from the flock towards you, “let’s go, y/n.” as she kept walking towards the entrance. You were still frozen in your spot as she was already going for the door. But before you could follow her, your eyes landed on Steve’s doused face as his eyes were already fixated on you.

For a moment there, there were only you and Steve and the intimacy of unspoken farewells and muted longing that were encapsulated in one bubble of silence that comes when two people understand each other. It was like the drawer of Steve’s things that he left with the memories and he never asked you to return came hurdling back like ocean waves and everything just evaporated in the ticking time.

There was no need for words because your eyes delivered more than both of your lips had in the past couple of years.

“Y/N?” He uttered your name. That was perhaps the first time he had called you in years. And with that, it was like every broken piece you had intensively woven back together ruptured and there was no safety net that would prepare you for this fallout.

He was bewildered by seeing you here and you had no clue what you were supposed to say. So you threw him a poignant smile, forcing yourself to put on an impassive facade in front of him. You were good at that, you had years of practice from all those times you found Steve making out with Janet in the parking lot. You wonder if they were still together?

You wordlessly walked away and joined Natasha to the front porch. Steve watched you turn your back on him, not knowing whether he should call your name again, follow you or he should just let you go. You on your way back home were filled with so many thoughts. You couldn't help but wonder, what would’ve happened if you had stayed and talked to him at the party? What would he say to you? Would he even care at all?

But on the other hand, you were relieved. It’s like, you truly got the closure Natasha said you deserved. Never in a million years, you would ever dream about standing up to Steve like that. Hell, you weren’t even brave enough to tell him how you feel back when you were younger. But may God bless Natasha and her parents for creating her, she defended you in a way that you could never do. And she showed you that maybe, it’s time you hold on to your promise that you vowed to yourself, that you were finally going to move on and bury him into your memory dump.

You were in college now. You had no time to wallow in sadness and heartbreak caused by a douche like Steve Rogers. So you made peace with the fact that it was probably the last time you were ever going to see him. You might run into him around college but you weren’t going to let it shake your ground. You unlocked the door of your dorm with a contented smile on your face as you sat on your bed.

Natasha instantly went for the small closet to change into her pyjamas but was briefly delayed by your mumble. “Thank you.”

“Pardon?” Natasha turned her head into your direction.

“Thank you. For doing that… At the party.” You smiled at her. You sincerely meant every word.

“I’d never let a man walk over a good woman like you, y/n.”

You nodded as she carried on with what she was doing. She went into the bathroom to wash herself off and you laid in your bed, feeling lighter than you had ever felt in years. Maybe she was right. It was time you realize your worth. You spent too many years doubting yourself just because Steve was too much of a reprobate to cherish you.

You closed your eyes, relishing in the comfort of your bed without fearing a ghost looming in your sweet dreams anymore now.

Letting tomorrow surprise you with whatever it has in store. Sometimes it involves a charming devil standing on the other side of your door with flowers in his hands and a wicked scheme to accomplish.

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itisannak · 4 years

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The Dr. Angel Face Q&A Inventory

. Fetish / Heat / Heat Extended / Dr. Angel Face

Hi loves. SInce I have been getting many questions regarding the Dr. Angel Face fic, I decided to put every question in this inventory. The questions have a link for the original asks (in the ones that there is no hyperlink, it is because they were part of the previous question.) I will add questions as they come in the future, so the list is going to be updated in the future.

How old is Dr. (Y/L/N)? Is she older than Calum? She was a child prodigy and graduated early (kinda like Maggie Pierce from Grey’s Anatomy). But she is definitely older than Calum. They met while she was in her final year as a resident and they’ve been together ever since. Now she is an attending, so it means she is in her late 20′s (for Dr. Angel Face, I wrote her to be around 28-29). So, I would say she is older than Calum by 4 or 5 years. But I didn’t focus much on her age, to be honest with you.

What is going on in the alternative part? I will not say much because I don’t want to spoil it, but it involves a storyline regarding Episodes 16x09 &16x10 from Grey’s Anatomy.

Does Calum’s family like Y/N’s family? Does Calum’s family like Y/N and vice versa? The families are not meeting very often, but they do get along pretty well. Remember (Y/N)’s mother calling her towards the end of Heat ? (Y/N)’s parents love that guy, he is funny, charming and overly supportive of their daughter, what is not to love? And Calum’s side of the family nearly worship (Y/N). I will explore more of their relationship on the 4th part of Dr. Angel Face.

Do fans like Y/N? How is the media treating their relationship? Now, the fans and media are divided. Most of the fans love (Y/N), but there are people who are also mad at her for stealing their fav, or accuse her of not paying attention to Calum just because Cal’s and (Y/N)’s love language is not like the other guys’ and their girlfriends. And of course, like I mentioned on Dr. Angel Face there have been instances in which people went to the ER and asked for Calum’s girlfriend. As of the media, Calum and (Y/N), definitely have been very low-key about their relationship. In the beginning, it was easier to hide, but after a while, people started to suspect. So, they decided to stop the chase and come forward about their relationship.

Would Y/N use Calum’s last name after their marriage? I feel like she wouldn’t legally change it. Like professionally, she still keeps her last name (my girl didn’t go to college, medical school, went through internship, residency, fellowship and became this strong ass neuro goddess to change her name, no ma’am.) But, I feel like she would adore being called Ms. Hood or Dr. Hood in her private life. Like her friends would actually start that to tease her but she would actually love it. And Calum would also love to call her Dr. Hood. Like, imagine walking up in the morning and making Calum breakfast, and he goes like, “Oh, thank you Dr. Hood” as she passes him his mug of coffee and he wraps his arms around her waist. Oh my God, I would melt. So, she actually wouldn’t legally change her name, but she would love letting her husband and friends call her by his.

Does Calum’s family have an issue with the age difference? So, the age difference is not that big now. I mean, on the last part I wrote Calum as his current age (maybe a year older than he is now), and I wrote her in her late 20′s. So, they aren’t that many years apart. But when they started dating, it was kinda weird for both their families to see them together, because they couldn’t see what Calum and (Y/N) had in common. Now, pretty much no one cares about it.

Does Y/N visit Calum while he is on tour? She doesn’t visit as often as the other girlfriends, and whenever she visits it is for just a few days (which is an issue in their relationship and I will DEFINITELY write more about it on the alternative chapter)

Do they get in trouble when Calum is visiting her on the hospital? I never really thought about it much, but there were definitely times they were caught, not only while going at it, but at times they were just hanging during (Y/N)’s free time, I guess I could put it like that. Now, there will be a scene or two of calum visiting on Dr. Angel Face part 4, so I will be able to give more details then. But they never really got in serious trouble, since (Y/N) was always exceptional while working

Does Y/N get along with Mali? She has a pretty good relationship with Mali. They don’t see each other very often, because Mali lives in the UK and (Y/N)’s work hours are crazy so it’s not easy for her to leave and visit. But they hang out whenever possible, and since they are so close age-wise, I can easily imagine them being friends.

Since Calum is a vegetarian, would Y/N be a vegetarian too? It is up to you that one, depending on whether it would be something you’d do or not. Keep in mind that the Dr. Angel Face fic is still a reader insert, just like the rest of my stories. In my head, I don’t really think that she would become a vegetarian if she didn’t want to be, just to please Calum. I feel like she would respect his choice and try to support him and join him on eating more plant-based, but she wouldn’t change if she didn’t feel like it was her choice. Also, a general tip for people out there, don’t change aspects of you just to please your partner, if you don’t feel like changing. You will feel trapped and forced to, and you’ll end up miserable.

Would they post about each other on their social media? Calum is always very low-key about his personal life and doesn’t really post frequently, so I think that would be a theme in their relationship too. He wouldn’t really post about (Y/N) on Instagram, but there would be occasions when he couldn’t help himself and post a cute picture of (Y/N) cuddling Duke, or a candid of (Y/N) drinking coffee. Now (Y/N) would be a bit more open on Instagram, she would post pics of him or short videos from their daily life, something that the fans would really appreciate. On Twitter though, whenever he would have his little twitter sprees, he would be bombarded with questions about (Y/N), and he would pick one or two of them to answer them in his significant funny way.

How would their careers effect their relationship? How good is their communication? Do they act as a safe space / comfort buddy for each other? I will touch a lot more on the hit their relationship takes due to their careers, on the alternative part. Basically, the plot for this one will revolve around what would happen if Calum was unable to keep the promise he gave (Y/N) when they first started dating ( “I want to be everything I can be to you.” He assures me; all I can do is stare at his lips, how nicely they move as he talks. “Cal, I told you before I don’t do the dating song and dance, and I told you the reason why. If… If this gets more, are you sure you will be ok with me canceling last minute because of emergency surgery? Are you willing to get into this whole thing?” I ask and he chuckles. “I told you before, I get you. I am willing to do it if you are.” He replies, resting his hand on my cheek. “Are you sure? Between my surgeries and your concerts, the time we will have…” I begin but he places his thumb on my bottom lip. “The time we will have together will be even more precious. I don’t wanna pressure you. If you want me to be just a friend, I understand.” He states, moving to pull his hand away, but my hand wraps around his wrist, keeping it there. “I want you to be everything you can be to me… I really do.” I whisper and his hand slides to the back of my head. “Then I will be everything.” He replies, licking his lips a little.)

Now, on the communication matter, on the main timeline of this AU, both of them make sure to give each other time to calm down (or in most cases, get some sleep to get their heads straight) before talking through their problems. There are a lot of moments when they are silent, to keep from fuming up. Most of the times, when they have a fight, it is because of distance or because they miss each other, so by the time Calum’s back from tour, or (Y/N) is off the service so she is home, the fight is forgotten. On the safety/comfort issue, to be honest, I wanted to include a scene in which (Y/N) had to deal with the death of a patient who was very important to her. I wanted to show how Calum would help her, what his reactions would be to (Y/N) almost breaking down, but the scene didn’t make the cut because I felt like it was too heavy on the course I wanted to take with this story. But definitely, Calum had to deal with (Y/N) being sad, or disappointed, or angry even, about her cases, which caused him to develop a coping mechanism to help her feel a lot better. And (Y/N) had to deal with all the times 5sos got overlooked by the music industry/awards/charts (all tea, all shade, I am looking at you Grammy’s and Billboard) and the way it affected Calum. Or with how frustrated he would get after sessions in which he wouldn’t perform as he wished, or with all the second-guessing and doubt that comes with putting something new out there (albums, tours, singles, you name it). So I can definitely picture them going through something like that, shutting everything out, holding each other close and whispering words of assurance. Or building a fort and watching movies in it, just to get their minds off whatever it is that is bugging them. Or just staying up talking, drinking coffee, helping each other see things through. I feel like (Y/N) and Calum are this couple that talks a lot, about anything that bothers them. I also feel that they would barely ever fight, they would just discuss things out, try to help each other see the other’s point of view.

Does Y/N visit on the studio, concerts, video sets or Friends of Friends events? Actually I am planning a studio visit, and a charity concert where Y/N visits him for the 4th installation of the original time line. It is going to be a long part, the 4th one

They seem to be a very sexual couple? Will there be mentions of experimentation in the upcoming chapters? I would like to explore that on the 4th installment of the main timeline. I feel like this one will be the longest yet since I have so many things I want to include in this story. Maybe I can also include that to the pool party extension. This couple is definitely a fan of public teasing and wearable toys (plugs, cock rings, Lush toys, you name it) I always wanted to show the BDSM experimentation they would be having. I feel like I have written such a healthy relationship for them that the portrayal of a healthy BDSM type of sexual relationship would be a lot fitting. I can tell you for sure there won’t be any depiction of their sexual life on the Alternative chapter I am going to write. I plan for it to be angst and focus on very different things.

How intense is the alternative part going to be? Is Cal going to cheat on Y/N? He is not going to unfaithful, no. And neither is (Y/N). The story will revolve around how hard this relationship is for them. (Y/N) is constantly preoccupied with her job, and Calum is away (on tour, promo, studio sessions). The story is going to be a what-if. What if the love they have for each other is not enough? What if Calum has had enough of (Y/N) putting other people above him? What if (Y/N) is tired of Calum being away? What if it is time for them to let go? The story, in regards to time, is going to occur after Heat. I am thinking about starting the story at 2 years they have been together. It will start with a couple of fights about (Y/N) cutting dates early due to emergency, then Calum spending hours in the studio, which results in them not spending time together. So, before he leaves for a promo tour, they decide it’s better they break up. But… that’s not the end of them, of course.

Who is Y/N the closest to out of the rest of the guys? I think she would be a lot close to Ashton. At first, she wanted to impress him because he is Calum’s best friend, but as they continued talking and hanging out, she would start admiring him, finding him a lot interesting. They share their love for Calum, both of them caring and loving Calum so much they would do anything for his happiness. And they are close, age-wise. I said on an ask before that Y/N is 4 or 5 years older than Calum, so that makes her 2 to 3 years older than Ashton. Ashton would think of her as a superhero (more on that on the Heat pool party extension), always asking her about her cases. Their friendship would be so amazing. I explore more of it on the Heat extension, as well as show Y/N interact with the rest of the gang a lot more on it.

Does any of Calum’s family members or friends have issues with their relationship and vice versa? I don’t see a reason why anyone would have issues with Y/N. She is a doctor, smart, caring, has a great job, loves Calum a lot and makes him very happy. Joy practically adores her; she is devastated when y/n and calum break up on the alternative part. Calum’s father also likes her very much and he knows that his son made the right choice when they started dating. Ashton and Y/N are practically besties, Luke and Michael find her charming and like her a lot with Calum. In the beginning, Sierra, Crystal, and KayKay thought she would be distant but found out she is actually a cool person. Other friends of Calum are totally ok with her. Y/N’s circle thought the match was a bit weird in the beginning, I mean, she is older and she is a doctor and he is a musician, it is not a lot common. But seeing them together leaves no doubt that they belong together. Everyone who matters to Calum and y/n approves of them, and that is all that matters to them.

Have they ever found the age gap to be intimidating? The age gap is barely an age gap. They are 4 years apart, it’s really not a big issue. It’s not like she is 30 and he is 18, they are both in their twenties, him mid-twenty and her lat-twenty. I really don’t see why 4 years would be so intimidating.

Did Y/N move in with Calum or did Calum move in with Y/N? Y/N was having a roommate while she was with Calum, some doctor from the hospital (in Grey’s Anatomy terms, it would be like Arizona living with DeLuca in season 12) so Y/N moved in with Calum before they purchased a house together when they decided their relationship was actually getting serious (that was around their 2nd anniversary)

What about their anniversary/ valentine’s day/ honeymoon? I feel that they would barely ever have the chance to celebrate those things like ‘normal’ people would. I feel like they would send each other flowers for the sake of it, with cute little notes full of inside jokes or spicy stuff (or possibly both) For their honeymoon, I think they would go on it months after their actual wedding. After the wedding, they would spend the weekend at a luxury hotel, And then, months after, when things would get a little chaotic for both of them (on a previous ask I mentioned y/n dealing with loss and calum dealing with disappointment), they would just take the trip. Somewhere warm and nice. I am thinking Fiji islands, then New Zealand, so they could visit Calum’s roots, and of course Australia. just for a few days, to see Calum’s family and wander around a bit. I am thinking that their honeymoon would actually be a month-long one, them just being together, no distractions, just to sink in the “married life” and set their minds straight. And I think that on the milestone anniversaries (e.g 5 years together, one year married), they would just go on little road trips. They would get a little RV and drive somewhere, finding cute little places to camp out.

How did the concept of the Dr. Angel Face fic occur to you? I get inspired by so many things. The Doctor Angel Face au was created kinda by accident. I wrote the first part, Fetish while watching an episode of Grey’s anatomy and I kinda wondered how I could fit my characters into the GA universe. The Fetish part was a request so I wanted to give something unique. I didn’t think I could actually cultivate it into a series. Then I wrote the Heat part. I was actually inspired by a Greek Trap song called Caliente (which was the original title of the story). I wanted the story to revolve around the sexual chemistry of the couple, and I actually didn’t plan on it being a part 2 to the Fetish story. But I started writing and the universe I was creating fit so well with the Fetish story, so I made a couple of changes to fit it in. Then people started liking the Doctor AU and asked for more. So I came up with the Dr. Angel Face part. I wanted it to be this cozy, Christmas story but didn’t want to limit it to just it. So, a follower of mine ( @saphseoul ) suggested a couple of things I should include into it, like their backstory. Their backstory was inspired by a story Ashton told on a soundcheck about the day the met Andy Deluca (basically, Ashton and Calum were in a car accident but they were fine so they sat on the curb and ate chicken tenders and drank milkshakes). I felt like that would be such a great backstory for them. And of course some parts of them are kinda inspired by the episodes of GA, but I try not to copy them. For the Alternative part of the Dr. Angel Face, I was inspired by something that might sound stupid, but it is actually the truth. I was actually inspired by a daydream. Back in December, I was working on the shittiest job I’ve ever worked, so to cope I built the scenario about the alternative (I quit from the job by the way). It is angsty and a bit torturing, to be honest, but like all my stories, it will have a happy ending. But I can get inspired by anything and everything. I have been writing for 6 years now, for the last 3 I have been writing daily, which helps me keep my inspiration flowing.

What can we expect from the future parts?

I can tell you that the alternative part is going to be the angstiest and sweetest part ever. Y/N is kinda a broody brat, always trying to provoke Calum (but honestly she is right, she is getting back to him for what happens at the beginning of the fic). And Calum is kind of a bitch but has a great arc. Even though it is an angst fic, I am not going to ruin my favorite couple, so it will have a soft ending. I don’t remember exactly when I have it scheduled for posting, because I have quite a few stories queued. For the 4th part of Dr. Angel Face, the fic begins right after the wedding in the hospital. I plan on focusing it more on them becoming a family (just the two of them plus Duke for this part), and their honeymoon. Plus, I think that I want the fic to focus more on how (Y/N) deals with Calum’s career ( I have in mind to include a Friends of Friends concert, maybe an award show). I consider cutting this part in half so it won’t be too long, so the second part will be more on their plans of having a baby together, including how realistic this would be, how they would handle the responsibility, plus I want to write something into this fic kinda like the Family Cuddles story I have with Ashton. And I have the prequel of the Dr. Angel Face. This will be their story from their meeting to them moving in together. I will also include some storylines of their lives before they got together. Those are my plans for the story this far. I don’t know if there will be more stories after I am done with those, but I sure hope so.

For some reason, I feel like Dr. (Y/N) and Maggie Pierce would have such a great friendship? Maggie is one of my fav characters (you can’t change my mind, I said what I said) and I think they would be really close. Y/N was also a child prodigy (I mentioned it before and I will write more on it on the Dr. Angel Face Prequel) and I feel they would bond a lot over it. On the Alternative Chapter, I wrote a lot about her relationship with Meredith and now I kinda regret not including Maggie more on it. Y/N is close with Amelia and Meredith so it makes so much sense that she would be with Maggie as well.

Who’s the hardest character to write? I don’t really have trouble writing for characters I guess (probably because I don’t go in-depth with characters). But I guess I will say (Y/N), since I had to look up medical terminology, fit her in an already existing universe (that of Grey’s anatomy).

Who’s the easiest character to write? The easiest character to write was Calum, hands down. Starting this fic I had already built him in my head so he was really written automatically.

Favorite scene you’ve written? It is so difficult to pick just one favorite scene. I guess it is on Part 3 (The Dr. Angel Face chapter), their wedding sequence. I think it captures the essence of their relationship, that they don’t need anything fancy to love each other, they just want to cherish one another on any chance they get. Writing that scene felt like writing the core of the couple, it is a lot more than just a wedding scene.

Hardest part about writing? The hardest part about writing in general is getting the perfect conditions to do so. My house is always noisy and I rarely have a proper workspace, so adjusting to my environment and being able to write unbothered is something I can’t do easily. Also, editing is very hard too. On the Dr. Angel Face fic, specifically, the hardest part was being able to keep a balance between fiction and realism. I don’t want my stories to feel unrealistic so I always strive to write things you would encounter irl (I hope I am successful at it, I am really trying hard)

Easiest part about writing? The easiest part about writing the Dr. Angel Face AU is the interactions between the characters, finding the reasoning behind what they do, and how the others react to their doings. You will see next week when I post the Alternative part that everything my characters do is justified by past actions and their relationships with others.

Omg doctor x cal is like my relationship goals!! So mature and healthy relationship. Because they have such a busy life I can see them enjoying the little moments. Like cuddling the first thing in the morning when they wake before work. Coming home together and making dinner together while listening to music. Like they’re the IT couple That they are. I wanted to write a relationship for Calum that would be drama and stress-free. And I wanted the relationship to have its little flaws but them always dealing with them the adult way. I really love the way that relationship has evolved throughout the fic and I am so excited to write the continuation of it. There are going to be so many little moments like those ones in the following parts (well, not in the alternative one, that one is aaaaangstyyyyy) It makes me so happy to see people love that relationship as much as I do. And I wish everyone finds a relationship like this one. Y’all deserve it

So I read this headcanon that said calum would totally refer to s/o as “the mrs” especially when talking to other ppl about her. I can totally see cal doing that for dr y/n.. talking to the boys, his mom, or in interviews I feel like he wouldn’t do it in interviews because people could misinterpret it as minimizing her and we all know Calum is too smitten with Dr. Angel Face to do that, but with the boys and his family, oh he would do it all the time. And Dr. (Y/N) would adore it, almost as much as she would adore being called Dr. Hood in private (like, not in the hospital, but Calum calling her Dr. Hood while they are being their goofy selves, or Ashton teasing her, oof, she loves it) But I also feel like Calum and Y/N would have a bit of a hard time calling each other “my husband” or “my wife”. Like, picture that: “My boyfriend is coming home tonight” “I thought you are married…” “Right… My HUSBAND is coming home tonight.” or Calum calling (Y/N) his girlfriend by accident and (Y/N) playfully correcting him. “You are starring at me. Stop.” “What? Can’t I just look at my gorgeous girlfriend?” “Honey, we are married. I am not your girlfriend anymore.” “Shit, I still can’t believe you are my wife.” Or Calum introducing (Y/N) to new people. “This is my ex-girlfriend, Dr. (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” “He means I am his wife now.” I can’t choose which one is more cannon, so I will be using all 3 in parts 4 and 5

Rockstar and a doctor dating... what a couple!! Their character development makes them so great and humble ppl. Like typically when ppl make so much money they have to be super flashy and buy crazy expensive Well, Calum gives off that down to earth vibe so, I don’t think he would be with someone who is flashy. Also, Y/N studied medicine and she is a surgeon, meaning she had her fair share of student loans to pay off, which caused her to be more considerate of how to spend money. They truly have a lavish home though and both of them have cars, but they never go above and beyond to flash their wealth. I will describe their house on Dr. Angel Face Prequel and on parts 4 and 5, it is truly a lovely home.

I think they’re house would be amazing. From what I imagine it’d be beautifully decorated.. simplicity and modern. Calum’s album plaques hanging & her doctorate degree hanging/ or her graduation pictures The have a glass case full of awards and degrees and a wall that is covered with album plaques (Y/N convinced him to actually hang them on a wall and display them in their living room instead of having them laying around). The glass display was built by Calum himself, as a little gift for Y.N once they moved in together. She had her awards and her degrees in a box in her old apartment, so Calum felt like giving her a proper place for them, with Y/N insisting his very own awards to accompany them. There are also a lot of framed pictures of them, kinda hang like a timeline; them being kids, teens, adults, Y/N’s graduations and Calum’s significant performances, album releases, overall achievements. And then pictures of them together, from dates, to anniversaries, to trips, then a few pictures they took of each other, or others took of them together (like candids of their cute little moments). And eventually their wedding and family pictures. A little fairytale hanging and showcased on their wall for everyone to see. The house is simple and has a touch of modern as you mentioned, but It is worth saying that they have made it absolutely personal. Every furniture was hand picked from antique stores or from retailers with a unique sense of style, but keeping a simplicity in every room to be able to decompress after a hectic day. The house took months to finish decorating and furnishing, due to the couple wanted every single thing in the house to have character, so they were looking for specific things. Plus, there was a lot of arts and crafts going on in the house; they painted it together, they built furniture together, they assembled things together. They did it while Calum was in a bit of a hiatus after dropping an album (think about the period after Youngblood and before CALM), so it was more of a project for him to keep busy. But Y/N actually enjoyed building a home with him. It was a sign that the relationship she had with Calum would last. I got carried away with this. I can’t wait until I can talk more about their house in the stories. Mostly on the prequel, since it is actually about what happens between them meeting and them getting married. But also on parts 4 and 5, with them changing from being just boyfriend-girlfriend to being a family (not necessarily having kids, but building more on their existing relationship).

I just realized how opposites really attract like dr. Y/n cal. Their lifestyles are so different. She was a child prodigy while he was a dropout. They’re so cute Yes, they are a bit different in that area, but they have quite a lot in common. Both are compassionate, considerate, loving people. They have a great sense of humor and a common code of communication and their moral compasses are matching. Plus, Calum legit is a cultivated person (the way he talks, the way he shows himself in the world, reveal that he is educated even though he is a dropout.) So they are both very smart people. They are very cute indeed and they act as a driving force for each other to become better.

Loved the story (Dr. Angel Face Alternative). Time line confused me a little. It takes place before heat yet the mention of planning for children doesn’t happen until dr. Angel face? It is an alternative, which means that this is a different way their story as a couple could have developed. Any story after Fetish doesn’t happen on the alternative timeline The alternative timeline is: Prequel ——-> Fetish ——> Dr. Angel Face Alternative The original timeline is: Prequel ——> Fetish —–> Heat (+ Extended) —-> Dr. Angel Face —–> Dr. Angel Face Part 4 —–> Dr. Angel Face Part 5

I’ve noticed cal always has a baby girl in your fics is that intentional or random? Btw I loved the au of Dr Angel face seeing them expecting a daughter kinda made me think how it’d be if they were expecting a boy and how C would be around his baby boy. Huh, I never noticed. I guess every time I picture Calum with a baby, it is always a girl ( I love how soft he is for his mom and his sister, so I can’t help but melt at the thought of him with a baby girl). But on the main timeline, I had planned for him to have a boy. It fits the fic well, in my opinion, and since the part I posted yesterday was an alternative, I chose a girl, to highlight how different the alternative part is from the original AU

When do you plan to post the fourth part of Dr Angel Face? have you already written it or do you still need to finish it off? Haven’t written it yet, nor even started it. I am doing the prequel first (totally random pick, blame google for randomizing my requests). I will definitely post it in 2020, maybe for Christmas or the 5sos anniversary. I don’t know yet.

I can’t wait till doctor y/n and cal have a baby. they’d be the cutest parents ever!! They’d be super busy and hectic with their schedule but it would be so great. Calum would be an absolute sweetheart during (y/n)’s pregnancy, taking care of her but letting her do her thing, spoil (y/n) rotten, talking to the baby, visiting (y/n) even more frequently at the hospital to see if she is ok. Oh, he would be the softest dad ever. And then with the baby… he would be so cute and protective. taking care of the newborn to let (y/n) rest, and then when the baby is old enough to go to the hospital daycare, he would visit all the time to spend time with the baby and see the mama. He would take the baby to the studio as well, trying to get the kiddo into music early on. And then when (y/n) would be off service and Calum would be free of obligations, they would just get in the car and drive to the beach, or the woods or a hiking trail and have quality time with their baby.

Idk why but I feel like the baby would be a carbon copy of calum. His mom has some strong genes Their baby would so well loved, especially with being the first grandchild on both sides of the family. Between the band, y/n family, calum family, and y/n friends they would all love the baby there would be even more privacy now they had a baby. All the fans & media would be dying to see a picture of the baby. Both Mali and Calum are the spitting image of Joy and I am so sure the baby will look like her. (Calum’s baby pictures make my heart melt and I can only imagine y/n trying to recreate them, sending them to Calum’s side of the family so they can collectively have their hearts melt at the sight) That child would be spoiled, everyone showering him with gifts, playing with him for hours. He would be cuddled all the time, especially by (y/n) who when she wouldn’t be working she would not leave him on his feet. On the privacy matter, I agree with you 100%. The Hood-(Y/L/N) family is adamant about not exposing the baby to this world at such a young age. The world is dying for a picture but at best they get a look at the back of the baby’s head. Calum would occasionally answer questions about the baby, but always being careful about what he shares and they would barely ever post pictures with the child, even once he is older. (I can picture Calum posting a picture of his son wearing daddy’s merch, custom-made for him. Or (Y/N) posting a pic of the boys playing with Duke or playing soccer together, and the internet would have a collective meltdown. Of course, that would happen when the baby would be older, like 4 or 5 years old.) (Or maybe Calum would share a picture of baby number one holding baby number two, after completely hiding y/n’s second pregnancy from the world -well, friends and family would know but they would hide it from fans and the media)

Omg I just read your ask about dr. Angel face and cal!! I’m in love with dad cal the pregnancy will be so cute. I think cal would be protective because with being a surgeon is a difficult job but he knows she can handle herself so he lets her do her thing. The first time they hear the heartbeat on the ultrasound!! And setting up the nursery when they find time!! There is definitely some struggle for Calum during (Y/N)’s pregnancy. He wants to be protective and he wishes she would book fewer hours of surgery, but at the same time, he knows she wouldn’t do something to hurt herself and their baby. He also knows she is a doctor and that she knows a bit more than him. So he sits a bit back and makes sure she feels ok, takes care of her when she is home. They would both go crazy over the baby’s heartbeat. Calum would be shocked, never having experience with anything like that, plus knowing that’s his kid in there, he would be so emotional. And (Y/N) would also be so enamored by that bub’s heartbeat. I feel like her maternal instinct would only become stronger after that. I can certainly see them looking online for all the furniture (remember, they are trying to keep a low profile), and Calum would invite the boys over to help him. Everyone would just try to show off because everyone wants to be the baby’s godparent (joke’s on them, they already picked Mali for the role). And the walls of the nursery would be covered in paintings because Calum read it is good for the baby’s brain to have visual stimuli early on (one wall would be sea-themed, the other woodland-themed, then a rainforest-themed wall, and an Australian wildlife wall so the baby has an early connection to his root, and the ceiling just has the most amazing universe-themed painting, including constellations, planets, nebulas). Now, depending on their place in the room, the furniture would be of various colors to fit with the theme of the wall behind them. They didn’t want to have a color scheme for the room, they opted for the most colorful room (they both agree that a child’s room shouldn’t be boring, nor monochromatic)

What scene did you first put down? The first scene I ever put down was from Fetish, in which Y/N walks into their home to find that Calum working on some lyrics. I am lucky that I have a very linear way of writing, so whatever scene you see first on my fic, that is the start of it. Now, if we are talking about Dr. Angel Face as in the self-titled chapter, the first scene I came up with and made a plot for was the scene Y/N gets called and is informed that Calum has been hurt and he is in the hospital. That was the main point of the fic for me, since it was a great opportunity to show the characters interact, how protective Y/N is when it comes to Calum, as well as introduce a bit of a backstory of how they came to be.

What’s your favorite line of narration? I have so many favorites. Ooof, it is so hard for me to pick just one line of narration and dialogue. I loved the narration of the Alternative part (the whole story is a masterpiece if you are asking me and totally underrated). I feel like that alternative chapter points out all the things that could be wrong with Calum’s and Y/N’s relationship, but also how they would still make things work between them. I also loved writing their first 2 dates and their first kiss (those scenes are on the prequel, so I can’t wait to share the new part with you)

What’s your favorite line of dialogue? My favorite dialogue has to be their vows. Oh, my heart hurts when I think about it. Especially Calum’s “ Love does exist, and her name is (Y/N). “ I had a meltdown writing it. And Y/N’s “ My sweetest love, if fate wants me to be with anyone, if fate wants me to be anything more than I already am, I know that it’s you, I know that it is to be yours and you to be mine “… I am still not over it. As you might have seen, I do mostly dialogue in my stories. I feel like it is a better way to show the characters’ reactions and get the story moving.

Why’d you pick calum for the story? The story started from a Calum request, so I guess I didn’t really pick him. But, I chose to continue this fic with Calum because he is the most fitting. He is compassionate and down to earth and has a very calming aura, which I felt would go great with y/n and her profession. (But let’s be honest here, I picked him mainly because he is my favorite)

What was the character development process like? I don’t remember ever sitting down and having a plan of how I wanted the characters to develop. I understand how much they have changed from the original concept I had in my head, now that I am writing the prequel and I have to kinda start their relationship and them as individuals from scratch. I think I always let my characters grow through interactions with each other because it really feels more natural than following an arc strictly. If you really think about it, as people we grow and evolve through our interaction with others and through our experiences. And I guess that’s what I do to develop my characters.

As you were talking about doctor y/n... I think baby bumps are so cute!! I imagine it being so adorable. Especially with her work clothes. She would be such a great mom Y/N waddling around in her all-blue scrubs, like a little penguin is honestly heart-melting. She would get such guilt for trying to balance work and being a mom, especially after going back from her maternity leave. And Calum would feel the same too; just 2 months after the baby was born, he would have to leave for tour and he felt like he was missing out and he wasn’t helping y/n much. It would take them a while to realize that when they are doing what they love and they take care of themselves, they are better parents to baby Hood. They are both such great parents, baby Hood is so lucky on that. He is so much loved by everyone; parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, his parents’ friends. He is a ray of sunshine; according to Calum, he gets it from his mama

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ratingtheframe · 4 years

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Everything Wrong With… Ep 2 - The Devil Wears Prada

Welcome back to Everything Wrong With...the series where dive head first into some of the seemingly okay-ish films and analyse why in fact they do more harm than good in providing us with satiable entertainment. Follow me on instagram @ratingtheframe for more movie related content and without further ado, let's get into this chick flick and see how far we’ve come since 2006.

If you aren’t aware, The Devil Wears Prada is a 2006 “chick flick” originally written as a book by Lauren Weisenburger. I remember seeing The Devil Wears Prada as one of those grown up lady films, for mature women on tampon adverts who had wine on Thursday evenings from M&S and wore heels practically everywhere. My perception of this film and the audience it caters towards has changed dramatically after watching it and it kills me inside to imagine the popularity and praise such a film got back in 2006, an extremely harsh time for women and the perception of beauty standards.

The world was still getting into the internet, magazines and runways were adjusting to the 2000s and the way that women were viewed in the media was a lot more damaging than today. Former supermodels such as Kate Moss and Cara Delevingne have since come out and talked about their experiences in the modelling industry and how it creates unhealthy stereotypes for women and young girls to abide by. The ‘size 0’ and ‘heroin chic look’ has since been banished from the modelling industry, two expectations that were pretty popular in the late and early 2000s for models. We are witnessing a revolution for the modelling industry as they (very) slowly but surely are beginning to introduce more plus sized, diverse and unfiltered faces for their campaigns. We can breathe easier knowing that the only way is forward for the fashion industry and that very little people will stand for the mid 2000s ideologies that were pumped out to the entire world.

Back to 2006 and one of the year’s most popular films with female audiences; The Devil Wears Prada, starring the likes of Anne Hathaway, Meryl Streep and Emily Blunt. The film follows Andy Sachs (Anne Hathaway) , a wannabe journalist newly welcomed into New York City and is currently on the hunt for her career. She manages to land a job at Runway Magazine, a large, corporate editorial magazine for women’s fashion run by the one and only Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), a devious, beautiful and highly successful media personality and editor.

So far so good as we have two tangible and likeable female leads. The opening sequence (one of the most important in any film) had me eye rolling a touch in the way it depicted women of the 2000s and seemingly created the idea that there are two sides to women.

The five or so minute montage consisted of the various women who are models at Runway, getting ready for their long day of work, right from being undressed to fully made up. This was supposed to be a contrast to how our lead Andy gets ready, barely throwing on any makeup and throwing on whatever she wants whilst heading out the door. When you put the way women choose to be perceived in the world at an opposition, you create this divide between women and further place their worth on how they choose to look. The stereotype of a ‘pick me girl’ arises from this opposition, a girl who actively shames other women for choosing to be more openly feminine in their appearance and actions. The intelligence and respect of women should not be based on how they look when they show up, rather how they BEHAVE when they show up. I just thought this montage was a little unnecessary and if anything, introduced us into a misogynistic world of 2006 really well. One point for accuracy, no points for progression. Everyone gets dressed in the morning and (often) everyone wears underwear, showing this activity on screen didn’t really add much to the film besides the pressures of women to look a certain way.

Once Andy arrives at the company, she is rudely introduced by Emily (Emily Blunt) Miranda’s current right hand. Now the entire character of Emily is again, another concept to this film that is left better in the 2000s; a mean girl and a VERY mean one at that. This world is already a patriarchal mess for women like Andy and Emily and having women join the bandwagon in showing an oppressive side to those who don’t conform to the female societal norms is non progressive. It was almost as if Emily was an investor into the patriarchy by behaving abhorrently towards her from the way she dressed as opposed to her actual character and qualifications. Please, let's not have women against women based on their desirability in the eyes of the male gaze. Emily has already become a clear victim to her own policies, as her lack of eating is laid bare to us as an entertaining gimmick as opposed to a cause of concern. Last time I checked making fun of eating disorders wasn’t chic.

Now the argument whether Miranda Priestly is also an investor in the patriarchy is a little clouded. Through her mean spirit and harsh words towards Andy and her appearance, she comes across as someone who is doing more harm than good by joining the patriarchal view of women in the 2000s. I found myself having to bite my tongue a little instead of calling her bitch because that would be letting my internalized misogyny get the best of me.

Even though Miranda is tough talking and spiteful, I really can’t blame her for it as a character. She is one of the strongest female characters I’ve come across on screen for both her strengths and flaws. Had such a character been placed in a Roman Army or Italian Mob, my views of her would have stayed the same. She is a strong woman with enough versatility and strength to face any situation. The way she asserts her authority in a funny and patronizing way is hard not to fall in love with and any woman who asserts their authority and relishes in their own power is already technically against the patriarchy. Her industry may be patriarchal, however her spirit is not and the things she does in order to keep her status is admirable. I found myself comparing her to the way a man maneuvers the world (again, internalised misogyny, working on it) which in some parts is the reason there should be more Miranda Priestly's in films. Instead of comparing strong women to men, with more strong female leads we’ll start comparing these women to other women.

Thank god for the zilch, overly graphic sex scenes in this film (maybe cuz the screenplay was written by a woman, but who knows-), however their is one character I’d like to address that rubbed me the wrong way and spoke for a big hole in the modelling/fashion industry that still exists today. Christian Thompson (Simon Baker) is this handsome, 40 summit journalist who meets Andy at a social event for a fashion designer. I admit he was charming in his demeanour but also overtly creepy at points. Andy and Christian bump into each other in Paris where he leads her down a street (his hand on THAT part of the elbow) and kisses Andy without consent, knowing she has a boyfriend. “Oh, it's just a movie” you’re probably thinking, but yet I couldn’t help but cringe at such a thing. Movies are a reflection of our society after all. He kisses her several more times until Andy gives in. If we’re trying to get films to reach audiences and affect them in some way, encouraging consent should be one of those things. Depicting such a madness on screen makes my rolls right to the back of my head and speaks for the entire society behind the modelling and fashion industry; a society run by men who can do what they like with or without consent. Though the wellbeing of Andy wasn’t in imminent danger, I felt Christian Thompson as a character to be a representation of those in the fashion industry who take advantage of women because of their status and so called connections. No more of this please!

Andy has a transformation a little later into the film, a concept that we thought had been left in the patriarchy trash can, but quickly emerged in Debby Ryan’s Insatiable (2018). Lasting only 2 seasons from 2018-19, the Netflix series followed Patty Bladell who gets afforded niceties and respect after she loses weight and becomes a “hot girl”. The show was created by Lauren Guissis based on an article about a (male) Pageant Guru who tells women how they can become pageant queens for a small fee...EW. The fact that such a show got picked up in a day and age that was beginning to open up to body positivity and more inclusivity in the media, the show was insensitive to its current surroundings.

This same “ugly duckling” transformation isn’t something new or old apparently, with the one in The Devil Wears Prada being one of the least progressive moments of the film. Now that Andy looked like she could work at Runway, somehow she was working a lot better at Runway and was being afforded privileges she didn’t get before her new haircut. Is this the message we want to send out to the world anymore? That in order to get a one up in life, all you need is new clothes and better make up skills? Of course, glo ups can be fun but the purest, healthiest form of a glow up comes from within.

A tiring cliché that “beauty comes from within” but one that makes a lot of sense and something I experienced in my mid teens. Having never experienced male validity or the feeling of desirability, once I began to believe I was beautiful on the outside, others began to notice, because they could read the confidence and self worth I had from my outward energy. An energy that can’t be felt beyond a face tuned Instagram picture. Beauty can be an energy as well as a look and had Andy embraced this more and rejected the passing comments people made at her, it would have taught us that one doesn’t have to conform in order to be respected. On the other hand, I don’t want to shame nor blame her as conforming to societal standards as for most women ,it’s an act of survival, to secure their places in certain spaces, with Andy being no expectation. A sad reality that a woman may have to wear makeup in order to stay in people’s good books, but a choice that should be discussed as opposed to shamed.

I truly could go on and on about the harmful stereotypes and implications of The Devil Wears Prada and it's sad, yet true similarities to the real fashion industry of today and the mid 2000s. It was and still is cut throat, with many models developing eating disorders, low self esteem issues and even substance abuse due to the mounting pressures of trying to reach perfection. A perfection that doesn’t exist seeing as the fashion and modelling industry alters their version of perfection every single day. I’m glad that by the end of the film Andy ditched Runway in favour of living a more healthy and truthful lifestyle, one that wasn’t swapped in ridiculous pressures and the threat to conform or else leave. Which she did in the end. Miranda isn’t a devil, but a force to be reckoned with in a world that is ready to make her feel lesser than herself because of her gender. I hope to never see such a film like The Devil Wears Prada, ever again, in a world that no longer needs this sort of film to represent the strengths of women. It's best left in 2006 and hopefully you’ve learnt something you’ve never thought about from this in depth analysis.

#the devil wears prada #meryl streep #anne hathaway #emily blunt #2000s movies #fashion #fashionindustry #badmovies #cinema #feminisim #everyday feminism

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salty-dracon · 4 years

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Some thoughts on The Caligula Effect 2

So I joke about this game getting a second remake to my friends online and the next moment I learn THIS was announced during the Japanese Nintendo Direct. Let me spill out my thoughts to spark discussion as well as provide a record to myself if this game actually does get localized.

Everything is under the cut!

My thoughts on Overdose were that it has a fantastic world... and that’s it. Out of the game’s cast, there were maybe four characters I liked, and the rest had moments that made me lose all sympathy for them. I recall it was common for some Let’s Players to like the villains better than the protagonists, and I’d agree on that front. I actually think the anime is the best iteration of this game’s story, changing up the formula enough to provide a really solid characterization arc to everyone. But Overdose suffers from poor writing issues (killing Eiji offscreen in the best ending was one of the worst decisions they made), rough handling of certain topics, boring and monotonous dungeons, and 500 social links you’re never going to do. I’m incredibly critical of this game, and I’d never recommend it to someone without a LOT of disclaimers, but somehow I still love it.

Already this game looks CRAZY good visually. It doesn’t look like a reskinned Vita game anymore, with something a little more reminiscent of say, the Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth games. That’s not to say that the game doesn’t still implement its fantastic character art, which still show up next to the speech bubbles. (At least the models have moving jaws. That’s important.)

Here’s to really hoping this game won’t be another Caligula 1 reskin, because uh... the game is about a protagonist who realizes that the world is a virtual one created by a Vocaloid who won’t let anyone out and joins up with a group of teenagers who also want to get out despite the fact that their real world lives were horrible so that they can set things right and they call themselves the Go-Home club (and also a Vocaloid gives them weapons made out of black stuff) but the people that are stopping them are basically the servants and guardians of the Vocaloid keeping them trapped in, who also happen to be humans who can’t return to the real world because their real world lives were so horrible, and so they have to fight because the Vocaloid won’t let them out otherwise. I mean, of course it won’t be a reskin, but I’m surprised at just how much of the original story they kept.

As for things they absolutely did NOT keep, DAMN this game looks dark! I was once remarking to a friend about how Caligula’s story would appeal better to me specifically if they’d gone with a religious pressure rather than idol stan theme, and they appear to have really pulled through with that religious pressure. I just realized, while writing this, that the image I showed off above actually has an image of an angel in the stained glass window being worshiped by fans with glow sticks. Furthermore, there’s a gothic cathedral-like altar, a halo behind Regret’s head, and this whole exchange looks like it takes place in a church. While I’m not religious myself, I can talk a lot about church architecture (see: my Fire Force livetweet) and I’m interested to see how this game handles it.

Not only that, most of the character designs seem darker and very different from the original game’s. Take a look at this game’s idol goddess:

Is μ going through an emo phase? I wouldn’t blame her lol. I think she still has a fantastic design that is in equal parts dreary and beautiful, while perfectly matching the color scheme of the new game.

And what a color scheme it is! The world of Caligula 1 had a gorgeous white, black, pink, brown, and gray color scheme framing bold pops of color in the form of flowers. Caligula 2 changes things up by making black the primary color framing everything else. The pops of color are so much bolder, too, from Noto’s bright yellow sweatshirt to basically everything χ is wearing. Do these changes reflect the story’s potential darker tone too? Or are they representative of something else?

We don’t know too much about the characters, but Caligula 2 looks like it’s giving them different weapons. It looks like the protagonists wield double knives instead of double shotguns. As for the other weapons, I see shortswords, katanas, chains, pistols (much smaller than Shogo’s), canes, and Qiyana’s ohmlatl from League of Legends. Definitely a shift from the original game’s weapons. I wonder if they’ll make a comeback? That giant gun was unique to say the least.

The Obbligato (I think?) are this game’s Ostinato Musicians. Italian for “obliged”, they are the ones who defend Regret from any threats. The one shown off most in the trailer is this guy who looks like the 1010 dudes from No Straight Roads. Man, he really looks like Shadow Knife in that image up there...

Also we get a, um, clown astronaut and a crazy high school yandere. Just to name a few. Definitely not the first time I’ve beat up a clown in a video game. Pretty unique as far as villains go, though. I hope this game has its own villain route, where you learn more about them. I’d really like that.

Social links! Looks like you rank up social links the same way you do in the original game. Do you want to make this character spill out all their trauma? Are you SURE about that, despite there being no negative consequences to you, the player? Awesome. Get ready to be sad.

The battle system is, from what I’ve read, similar, but not the same, as the battle system in Overdose. I’m not going to give too many details on that. They still seem to be time-based with combo chains, but they’re pretty vague. Looks like you still get to unleash crazy special attacks against your enemies. And they in turn can unleash crazy special attacks against you.

I absolutely want to see a. better characters and b. better overall writing. In my opinion these were the two weakest points of Caligula 1. Despite the protagonists’ tragedies, some of the little things they did made me sort of hate them. I did not like how everyone in the original Go-Home Club used Kotaro (who you learn is FOURTEEN!) as a verbal punching bag despite him being one of the kindest characters in the club. As for better overall writing, I stated before that I preferred the anime’s interpretation of events, because I thought they were in a better order overall. Besides killing Eiji offscreen, I hated how they wrote μ to be such a monumentally stupid character (I often point to Persona 5 Royal on how to write a villain like her well) and their, in my opinion, poor handling of certain topics like fatphobia. And though the character episodes sort of redeem them, it’s like... not really? The way I described it to a friend was that while the moral of Caligula 1′s story may have been “We live in a society and everyone’s dealing with their own hardships, but you can’t run away from them forever and you can at least be sympathetic to those facing them”, the character interactions end up dumbing it down to “We live in a society”.

Also an anime adaptation would be really sick. The anime just had so much better writing.

As for what I’m really curious about:

1. Who is Regret and how is she related to μ and Aria? We already know she’s a Virtuadoll like them, but if I recall correctly μ and Aria had some more concreteness to their backstories. Specifically, the human characters remember them existing as vocal synthesizer programs before they became the rules of Mobius. Regret’s backstory is that she just kind of showed up one day. Does she have different origins from μ and Aria? By the same merit, who is χ and how is she related to Regret, μ, and Aria? We know that χ opposes Regret and gives the Go-Home club the power to fight back against her, kind of like what Aria did in Caligula 1, but was she a co-creator of Redo like Aria was, or was her role completely different? The fact that she isn’t a little sparkle like Aria was (as a result of losing all of her power) indicates that their roles might be a little different.

2. What relationship does Redo have to Mobius? We know Mobius was created because Aria and μ wanted a place for humans to live without the sorrows they experienced in the real world. However, eventually μ was manipulated by everyone’s negative emotions and Thorn’s actions. This caused her to prevent anyone from leaving, and also the plot of the first game. Is Redo a second, improved iteration of Mobius, or a completely new virtual space? Were the goals behind its creation the same as in the first game? Or was there another force at work? Is Regret trying to copy μ or improve on her work? Or is she doing what μ did independently? I don’t think there’s enough information to predict the answer to this, but from what I’ve seen, there are a lot of similarities between the two worlds, from the high school to the end goal. However, there are some differences in tone. Mobius was a place to escape suffering, while Redo is being marketed as a place to escape regret. Redo also has a more religious bend than the idol theme of the first game.

3. What other links do the first and second games have to each other? People have been theorizing that Marie Mizuguchi/Wicked from the first game may return as Marie Amabuki (I think) in the second due to them having the same VA. There’s obviously the shared artstyle, symbolism, Catharsis Effect, glitchy NPC faces, and general setting. I also suspect that this game takes place after the events of Caligula 1. Not much I can say about this right now, but I wonder how everything joins up. Or if it even matters that they do. I haven’t seen too much on whether or not this game is being marketed as a standalone or a sequel, or if you even need to play Caligula 1 to enjoy Caligula 2.

Conclusion: While the Caligula series isn’t one I’d recommend to everyone, for the way it handles a number of sensitive topics, I will still be checking out Caligula 2 if it comes to the West. Though very little has been revealed thus far, so far I’m interested in the religious iconography used as well as the darker tone and colors presented in the game. As well as the characters, who have more varied and interesting designs including super unique weapons. I’m a bit disappointed that the plot, as it has been revealed, is an exact copy of Caligula 1′s plot, right down to the names of the protagonists’ faction. I was hoping for a bigger evolution to the story, but considering so little has been revealed in the first place, this may be a bit of a preemptive judgement.

That’s it. I hope you enjoyed my discussion of what I’ve learned so far.

#the caligula effect #caligula

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gargaj · 4 years

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A breakdown of the Revision 2020 Threeway Battle shader

Those of you who have been following this year's edition of Revision probably remember the unexpected twist in Sunday's timeline, where I was pitted in a coding "battle" against two of the best shader-coders in the world to fend for myself. Admittedly the buzz it caused caught me by surprise, but not as much as the feedback on the final shader I produced, so I hope to shed some light on how the shader works, in a way that's hopefully understandable to beginners and at least entertaining to experts, as well as providing some glimpses into my thought process along the way.

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Recorded video of the event

But before we dive into the math and code, however, I think it's important to get some context by recounting the story of how we got here.

A brief history of demoscene live-coding

Visual coding has been massively opened up when graphics APIs began to introduce programmable fragment rendering, perhaps best known to most people as "pixel shaders"; this allowed programmers to run entire programmable functions on each pixel of a triangle, and none was more adamant to do that than a fellow named Iñigo Quilez (IQ), an understated genius who early on recognized the opportunity in covering the entire screen with a single polygon, and just doing the heavy lifting of creating geometry in the shader itself. His vision eventually spiraled into not only the modern 4k scene, but also the website ShaderToy, which almost every graphics programmer uses to test prototypes or just play around with algorithms. IQ, an old friend of mine since the mid-00s, eventually moved to the US, worked at Pixar and Oculus, and became something of a world-revered guru of computer graphics, but that (and life) has unfortunately caused him to shift away from the scene.

His vision of single-shader-single-quad-single-pass shader coding, in the meantime, created a very spectacular kind of live coding competition in the scene where two coders get only 25 minutes and the attention of an entire party hall, and they have to improvise their way out of the duel - this has been wildly successful at parties for the sheer showmanship and spectacle akin to rap battles, and none emerged from this little sport more remarkably than Flopine, a bubbly French girl who routinely shuffled up on stage wearing round spectacles and cat ears (actually they might be pony ears on second thought), and mopped the floor up with the competition. Her and a handful of other live-coders regularly stream on Twitch as practice, and have honed their live-coding craft for a few years at this point, garnering a considerable following.

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Just a sample of insanity these people can do.

My contribution to this little sub-scene was coming up with a fancy name for it ("Shader Showdown"), as well as providing a little tool I called Bonzomatic (named after Bonzaj / Plastic, a mutual friend of IQ and myself, and the first person to create a live coding environment for demoparties) that I still maintain, but even though I feel a degree of involvement through the architectural side, I myself haven't been interested in participating: I know I can do okay under time pressure, but I don't really enjoy it, and while there's a certain overlap in what they do and what I do, I was always more interested in things like visual detail and representative geometry aided by editing and direction rather than looping abstract, fractal-like things. It just wasn't my thing.

Mistakes were made

But if I'm not attracted to this type of competition, how did I end up in the crossfire anyway? What I can't say is that it wasn't, to a considerable degree, my fault: as Revision 2020 was entirely online, most of the scene took it to themselves to sit in the demoscene Discord to get an experience closest to on-site socializing, given the somber circumstances of physical distancing. This also allowed a number of people who hasn't been around for a while to pop in to chat - like IQ, who, given his past, was mostly interested in the showdowns (during which Flopine crushed the competition) and the 4k compo.

As I haven't seen him around for a while, and as my mind is always looking for an angle, I somehow put two and two together, and asked him if he would consider taking part in a showdown at some point; he replied that he was up for it - this was around Saturday 10PM. I quickly pinged the rest of the showdown participants and organizers, as I spotted that Bullet was doing a DJ set the next day (which would've been in a relatively convenient timezone for IQ in California as well), and assumed that he didn't really have visuals for it - as there was already a "coding jam" over Ronny's set the day before, I figured there's a chance for squeezing an "extra round" of coding. Flopine was, of course, beyond excited by just the prospect of going against IQ, and by midnight we essentially got everything planned out (Bullet's consent notwithstanding, as he was completely out of the loop on this), and I was excited to watch...

...that is, until Havoc, the head honcho for the showdowns, off-handedly asked me about an at that point entirely hypothetical scenario: what would happen if IQ would, for some reason, challenge me instead of Flopine? Now, as said, I wasn't really into this, but being one to not let a good plan go to waste (especially if it was mine), I told Havoc I'd take one for the team and do it, although it probably wouldn't be very fun to watch. I then proceeded to quickly brief IQ in private and run him through the technicalities of the setup, the tool, the traditions and so on, and all is swell...

...that is, until IQ (this is at around 2AM) offhandedly mentions that "Havoc suggested we do a three-way with me, Flopine... and you." I quickly try to backpedal, but IQ seems to be into the idea, and worst of all, I've already essentially agreed to it, and to me, the only thing worse than being whipped in front of a few thousand people would be going back on your word. The only way out was through.

Weeks of coding can spare you hours of thinking

So now that I've got myself into this jar of pickles, I needed some ideas, and quick. (I didn't sleep much that night.) First off, I didn't want to do anything obviously 3D - both IQ and Flopine are masters of this, and I find it exhausting and frustrating, and it would've failed on every level possible. Fractals I'm awful at and while they do provide a decent amount of visual detail, they need a lot of practice and routine to get right. I also didn't want something very basic 2D, like a byte-beat, because those have a very limited degree of variation available, and the end result always looks a bit crude.

Luckily a few months ago an article I saw do rounds was a write-up by Sasha Martinsen on how to do "FUI"-s, or Fictional User Interfaces; overly complicated and abstract user interfaces that are prominent in sci-fi, with Gmunk being the Michael Jordan of the genre.

Image courtesy of Sasha Martinsen.

Sasha's idea is simple: make a few basic decent looking elements, and then just pile them on top of each other until it looks nice, maybe choose some careful colors, move them around a bit, place them around tastefully in 3D, et voilà, you're hacking the Gibson. It's something I attempted before, if somewhat unsuccessfully, in "Reboot", but I came back to it a few more times in my little private motion graphics experiments with much better results, and my prediction was that it would be doable in the given timeframe - or at least I hoped that my hazy 3AM brain was on the right track.

A bit of math

How to make this whole thing work? First, let's think about our rendering: We have a single rectangle and a single-pass shader that runs on it: this means no meshes, no geometry, no custom textures, no postprocessing, no particle systems and no fonts, which isn't a good place to start from. However, looking at some of Sasha's 3D GIFs, some of them look like they're variations of the same render put on planes one after the other - and as long as we can do one, we can do multiple of that.

Rough sketch of what we want to do; the planes would obviously be infinite in size but this representation is good enough for now.

Can we render multiple planes via a single shader? Sure, but we want them to look nice, and that requires a bit of thinking: The most common technique to render a "2D" shader and get a "3D" look is raymarching, specifically with signed distance fields - starting on a ray, and continually testing distances until a hit is found. This is a good method for "solid-ish" looking objects and scenes, but the idea for us is to have many infinite planes that also have some sort of alpha channel, so we'd have a big problem with 1) inaccuracy, as we'd never find a hit, just something "reasonably close", and even that would take us a few dozen steps, which is costly even for a single plane and 2) the handling of an alpha map can be really annoying, since we'd only find out our alpha value after our initial march, after which if our alpha is transparent we'd need to march again.

But wait - it's just infinite planes and a ray, right? So why don't we just assume that our ray is always hitting the plane (which it is, since we're looking at it), and just calculate an intersection the analytical way?

Note: I would normally refer to this method as "raytracing", but after some consultation with people smarter than I am, we concluded that the terms are used somewhat ambiguously, so let's just stick to "analytical ray solving" or something equally pedantic.

We know the mathematical equation for a ray is position = origin + direction * t (where t is a scalar that represents the distance/progress from the ray origin), and we know that the formula for a plane is A * x + B * y + C * z + D = 0, where (A, B, C) is the normal vector of the plane, and D is the distance from the origin. First, since the intersection will be the point in space that satisfies both equations, we substitute the ray (the above o + d * t for each axis) into the plane:

A * (ox + dx * t) + B * (oy + dy * t) + C * (oz + dz * t) + D = 0

To find out where this point is in space, we need to solve this for t, but it's currently mighty complicated. Luckily, since we assume that our planes are parallel to the X-Y plane, we know our (A, B, C) normal is (0, 0, 1), so we can simplify it down to:

oz + dz * t + D = 0

Which we can easily solve to t:

t = (D - oz) / dz

That's right: analytically finding a ray hit of a plane is literally a single subtraction and a division! Our frame rate (on this part) should be safe, and we're always guaranteed a hit as long as we're not looking completely perpendicular to the planes; we should have everything to start setting up our code.

Full disclosure: Given my (and in a way IQ's) lack of "live coding" experience, we agreed that there would be no voting for the round, and it'd be for glory only, but also that I'd be allowed to use a small cheat sheet of math like the equations for 2D rotation or e.g. the above final equation since I don't do this often enough to remember these things by heart, and I only had a few hours notice before the whole thing.

Setting up the rendering

Time to start coding then. First, let's calculate our texture coordinates in the 0..1 domain using the screen coordinates and the known backbuffer resolution (which is provided to us in Bonzomatic):

vec2 uv = vec2(gl_FragCoord.x / v2Resolution.x, gl_FragCoord.y / v2Resolution.y);

Then, let's create a ray from that:

vec3 rayDir = vec3( uv * 2 - 1, -1.0 ); rayDir.x *= v2Resolution.x / v2Resolution.y; // adjust for aspect ratio vec3 rayOrigin = vec3( 0, 0, 0 );

This creates a 3D vector for our direction that is -1,-1,-1 in the top left corner and 1,1,-1 in the bottom right (i.e. we're looking so that Z is decreasing into the screen), then we adjust the X coordinate since our screen isn't square, but our coordinates currently are - no need to even bother with normalizing, it'll be fine. Our origin is currently just sitting in the center.

Then, let's define (loosely) our plane, which is parallel to the XY plane:

float planeDist = 1.0f; // distance between each plane float planeZ = -5.0f; // Z position of the first plane

And solve our equation to t, as math'd out above:

float t = (planeZ - rayOrigin.z) / rayDir.z;

Then, calculate WHERE the hit is by taking that t by inserting it back to the original ray equation using our current direction and origin:

vec3 hitPos = rayOrigin + t * rayDir;

And now we have our intersection; since we already know the Z value, we can texture our plane by using the X and Y components to get a color value:

vec4 color = fui( hitPos.xy ); // XY plane our_color = color;

Of course we're gonna need the actual FUI function, which will be our procedural animated FUI texture, but let's just put something dummy there now, like a simple circle:

vec4 fui ( vec2 uv ) { return length(uv - 0.5) < 0.5 ? vec4(1) : vec(0); }

And here we go:

Very good, we have a single circle and if we animate the camera we can indeed tell that it is on a plane.

So first, let's tile it by using a modulo function; the modulo (or modulus) function simply wraps a number around another number (kinda like the remainder after a division, but for floating point numbers) and thus becomes extremely useful for tiling or repeating things:

We'll be using the modulo function rather extensively in this little exercise, so strap in. (Illustration via the Desmos calculator.)

vec4 layer = fui( mod( hitPos.xy, 1.0 ) );

This will wrap the texture coordinates of -inf..inf between 0..1:

We also need multiple planes, but how do we combine them? We could just blend them additively, but with the amount of content we have, we'd just burn them in to white and it'd look like a mess (and not the good kind of mess). We could instead just use normal "crossfade" / "lerp" blending based on the alpha value; the only trick here is to make sure we're rendering them from back to front since the front renders will blend over the back renders:

int steps = 10; float planeDist = 1.0f; for (int i=steps; i>=0; i--) { float planeZ = -1.0f * i * planeDist; float t = (planeZ - rayOrigin.z) / rayDir.z; if (t > 0.0f) // check if "t" is in front of us { vec3 hitPos = rayOrigin + t * rayDir; vec4 layer = fui( hitPos.xy, 2.0 ); // blend layers based on alpha output colour = mix( colour, layer, layer.a ); } }

And here we go:

We decreased the circles a bit in size to see the effect more.

Not bad! First thing we can do is just fade off the back layers, as if they were in a fog:

layer *= (steps - i) / float(steps);

We have a problem though: we should probably increase the sci-fi effect by moving the camera continually forward, but if we do, we're gonna run into a problem: Currently, since our planeZ is fixed to the 0.0 origin, they won't move with the camera. We could just add our camera Z to them, but then they would be fixed with the camera and wouldn't appear moving. What we instead want is to just render them AS IF they would be the closest 10 planes in front of the camera; the way we could do that is that if e.g. our planes' distance from each other is 5, then round the camera Z down to the nearest multiple of 5 (e.g. if the Z is at 13, we round down to 10), and start drawing from there; rounding up would be more accurate, but rounding down is easier, since we can just subtract the division remainder from Z like so:

float planeZ = (rayOrigin.z - mod(rayOrigin.z, planeDist)) - i * planeDist;

And now we have movement! Our basic rendering path is done.

Our little fictional UI

So now that we have the basic pipeline in place, let's see which elements can we adapt from Sasha's design pieces.

The first one I decided to go with wasn't strictly speaking in the set, but it was something that I saw used as design elements over the last two decades, and that's a thick hatch pattern element; I think it's often used because it has a nice industrial feel with it. Doing it in 2D is easy: We just add X and Y together, which will result in a diagonal gradient, and then we just turn that into an alternating pattern using, again, the modulo. All we need to do is limit it between two strips, and we have a perfectly functional "Police Line Do Not Cross" simulation.

return mod( uv.x + uv.y, 1 ) < 0.5 ? vec4(1) : vec4(0);

So let's stop here for a few moments; this isn't bad, but we're gonna need a few things. First, the repetition doesn't give us the nice symmetric look that Sasha recommends us to do, and secondly, we want them to look alive, to animate a bit.

Solving symmetry can be done just by modifying our repetition code a bit: instead of a straight up modulo with 1.0 that gives us a 0..1 range, let's use 2.0 to get a 0..2 range, then subtract 1.0 to get a -1..1 range, and then take the absolute value.

vec4 layer = fui( abs( mod( hitPos.xy, 2.0 ) - 1 ) );

This will give us a triangle-wave-like function, that goes from 0 to 1, then back to 0, then back to 1; in terms of texture coordinates, it will go back and forth between mirroring the texture in both directions, which, let's face it, looks Totally Sweet.

For animation, first I needed some sort of random value, but one that stayed deterministic based on a seed - in other words, I needed a function that took in a value, and returned a mangled version of it, but in a way that if I sent that value in twice, it would return the same mangled value twice. The most common way of doing it is taking the incoming "seed" value, and then driving it into some sort of function with a very large value that causes the function to alias, and then just returning the fraction portion of the number:

float rand(float x) { return fract(sin(x) * 430147.8193); }

Does it make any sense? No. Is it secure? No. Will it serve our purpose perfectly? Oh yes.

So how do we animate our layers? The obvious choice is animating both the hatch "gradient" value to make it crawl, and the start and end of our hatch pattern which causes the hatched strip to move up and down: simply take a random - seeded by our time value - of somewhere sensible (like between 0.2 and 0.8 so that it doesn't touch the edges) and add another random to it, seasoned to taste - we can even take a binary random to pick between horizontal and vertical strips:

The problems here are, of course, that currently they're moving 1) way too fast and 2) in unison. The fast motion obviously happens because the time value changes every frame, so it seeds our random differently every frame - this is easy to solve by just rounding our time value down to the nearest integer: this will result in some lovely jittery "digital" motion. The unison is also easy to solve: simply take the number of the layer, and add it to our time, thus shifting the time value for each layer; I also chose to multiply the layer ID with a random-ish number so that the layers actually animate independently, and the stutter doesn't happen in unison either:

vec4 fui( vec2 uv, float t ) { t = int(t); float start = rand(t) * 0.8 + 0.1; float end = start + 0.1; [...] } vec4 layer = fui( abs(mod(hitPos.xy, 2.0)-1), fGlobalTime + i * 4.7 );

Lovely!

Note: In hindsight using the Z coordinate of the plane would've given a more consistent result, but the way it animates, it doesn't really matter.

So let's think of more elements: the best looking one that seems to get the best mileage out in Sasha's blog is what I can best describe as the "slant" or "hockey stick" - a simple line, with a 45-degree turn in it. What I love about it is that the symmetry allows it to create little tunnels, gates, corridors, which will work great for our motion.

Creating it is easy: We just take a thin horizontal rectangle, and attach another rectangle to the end, but shift the coordinate of the second rectangle vertically, so that it gives us the 45-degree angle:

float p1 = 0.2; float p2 = 0.5; float p3 = 0.7; float y = 0.5; float thicc = 0.0025; if (p1 < uv.x && uv.x < p2 && y - thicc < uv.y && uv.y < y + thicc ) { return vec4(1); } if (p2 < uv.x && uv.x < p3 && y - thicc < uv.y - (uv.x - p2) && uv.y - (uv.x - p2) < y + thicc ) { return vec4(1); }

Note: In the final code, I had a rect() call which I originally intended to use as baking glow around my rectangle using a little routine I prototyped out earlier that morning, but I was ultimately too stressed to properly pull that off. Also, it's amazing how juvenile your variable names turn when people are watching.

Looks nice, but since this is such a thin sparse element, let's just... add more of it!

So what more can we add? Well, no sci-fi FUI is complete without random text and numbers, but we don't really have a font at hand. Or do we? For years, Bonzomatic has been "shipping" with this really gross checkerboard texture ostensibly for UV map testing:

What if we just desaturate and invert it?

We can then "slice" it up and render little sprites all over our texture: we already know how to draw a rectangle, so all we need is just 1) calculate which sprite we want to show 2) calculate the texture coordinate WITHIN that sprite and 3) sample the texture:

float sx = 0.3; float sy = 0.3; float size = 0.1; if (sx < uv.x && uv.x < sx + size && sy < uv.y &&uv.y < sy + size) { float spx = 2.0 / 8.0; // we have 8 tiles in the texture float spy = 3.0 / 8.0; vec2 spriteUV = (uv - vec2(sx,sy)) / size; vec4 sam = texture( texChecker, vec2(spx,spy) + spriteUV / 8.0 ); return dot( sam.rgb, vec3(0.33) ); }

Note: In the final code, I was only using the red component instead of desaturation because I forgot the texture doesn't always have red content - I stared at it for waaaay too long during the round trying to figure out why some sprites weren't working.

And again, let's just have more of it:

Getting there!

At this point the last thing I added was just circles and dots, because I was running out of ideas; but I also felt my visual content amount was getting to where I wanted them to be; it was also time to make it look a bit prettier.

Post-production / compositing

So we have our layers, they move, they might even have colors, but I'm still not happy with the visual result, since they are too single-colored, there's not enough tone in the picture.

The first thing I try nowadays when I'm on a black background is to just add either a single color, or a gradient:

vec4 colour = renderPlanes(uv); vec4 gradient = mix( vec4(0,0,0.2,1), vec4(0,0,0,1), uv.y); vec4 finalRender = mix( gradient, vec4(colour.xyz,1), colour.a);

This added a good chunk of depth considerably to the image, but I was still not happy with the too much separation between colors.

A very common method used in compositing in digital graphics is to just add bloom / glow; when used right, this helps us add us more luminance content to areas that would otherwise be solid color, and it helps the colors to blend a bit by providing some middle ground; unfortunately if we only have a single pass, the only way to get blur (and by extension, bloom) is repeatedly rendering the picture, and that'd tank our frame rate quickly.

Instead, I went back to one of the classics: the Variform "pixelize" overlay:

This is almost the same as a bloom effect, except instead of blurring the image, all you do is turn it into a lower resolution nearest point sampled version of itself, and blend that over the original image - since this doesn't need more than one sample per pixel (as we can reproduce pixelation by just messing with the texture coordinates), we can get away by rendering the scene only twice:

vec4 colour = renderPlanes(uv); colour += renderPlanes(uv - mod( uv, 0.1 ) ) * 0.4;

Much better tonal content!

So what else can we do? Well, most of the colors I chose are in the blue/orange/red range, and we don't get a lot of the green content; one of the things that I learned that it can look quite pretty if one takes a two-tone picture, and uses color-grading to push the midrange of a third tone - that way, the dominant colors will stay in the highlights, and the third tone will cover the mid-tones. (Naturally you have to be careful with this.)

"Boosting" a color in the mids is easy: lucky for us, if we consider the 0..1 range, exponential functions suit our purpose perfectly, because they start at 0, end at 1, but we can change how they get here:

So let's just push the green channel a tiny bit:

finalRender.g = pow(finalRender.g, 0.7);

Now all we need is to roll our camera for maximum cyberspace effect and we're done!

Best laid plans of OBS

As you can see from the code I posted the above, I wrote the final shader in GLSL; those who know me know that I'm a lot more comfortable with DirectX / HLSL, and may wonder why I switched, but of course there's another story here:

Given the remote nature of the event, all of the shader coding competition was performed online as well: since transmitting video from the coder's computer to a mixer, and then to another mixer, and then to a streaming provider, and then to the end user would've probably turned the image to mush, Alkama and Nusan came up with the idea of skipping a step and rigging up a version of Bonzo that ran on the coder's computer, but instead of streaming video, it sent the shader down to another instance of Bonzo, running on Diffty's computer, who then captured that instance and streamed it to the main Revision streaming hub. This, of course, meant that in a three-way, Diffty had to run three separate instances of Bonzo - but it worked fine with GLSL earlier, so why worry?

What we didn't necessarily realize at the time, is that the DirectX 11 shader compiler takes no hostages, and as soon as the shader reached un-unrollable level of complexity, it thoroughly locked down Diffty's machine, to the point that even the video of the DJ set he was playing started to drop out. I, on the other hand, didn't notice any of this, since my single local instance was doing fine, so I spent the first 15 minutes casually nuking Diffty's PC to shreds remotely, until I noticed Diffty and Havoc pleading on Discord to switch to GLSL because I'm setting things on fire unknowingly.

This is fine.

I was reluctant to do so, simply because of the muscle memory, but I was also aware that I should keep the show going if I can because if I bow out without a result, that would be a colossal embarrassment to everyone involved, and I only can take one of those once every week, and I was already above my quota - so, I quickly closed the DX11 version of Bonzo, loaded the shader up in a text editor, replaced "floatX" with "vecX" (fun drinking game: take a shot every time I messed it up during the live event), commented the whole thing out, loaded it into a GLSL bonzo, and quickly fixed all the other syntax differences (of which there were luckily not many, stuff like "mix" instead of "lerp", constructors, etc.), and within a few minutes I was back up and running.

This, weirdly, helped my morale a bit, because it was the kind of clutch move that for some reason appealed to me, and made me quite happy - although at that point I locked in so bad that not only did I pay absolutely not attention to the stream to see what the other two are doing, but that the drinks and snacks I prepared for the hour of battling went completely untouched.

In the end, when the hour clocked off, the shader itself turned out more or less how I wanted it, it worked really well with Bullet's techno-/psy-/hardtrance mix (not necessarily my jam, as everyone knows I'm more a broken beat guy, but pounding monotony can go well with coding focus), and I came away satisfied, although the perhaps saddest point of the adventure was yet to come: the lack of cathartic real-life ending that was taken from us due to the physical distance, when after all the excitement, all the cheers and hugs were merely lines of text on a screen - but you gotta deal with what you gotta deal with.

A small sampling of the Twitch reaction.

Conclusion

In the end, what was my takeaway from the experience?

First off, scoping is everything: Always aim to get an idea where you can maximize the outcome of the time invested with the highest amount of confidence of pulling it off. In this case, even though I was on short notice and in an environment I was unfamiliar with, I relied on something I knew, something I've done before, but no one else really has.

Secondly, broaden your influence: You never know when you can take something that seems initially unrelated, and bend it into something that you're doing with good results.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, step out of your comfort zone every so often; you'll never know what you'll find.

(And don't agree to everything willy-nilly, you absolute moron.)

#demoscene #live coding #livecoding #shaders #glsl #programming #gamedev #game development

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foreverformula1 · 4 years

Text

How much would I like to work for each F1 team:

Mercedes

9/10-Anything

Well payed for any position I have whether I am a driver or not, I can take home all driver trophies so it’s ‘fun’ even if I get 2th behind Lewis(frustrating too) and don’t forget that they are currently 2th-3th on the social media standing on WTF1 ,it has a good team overall.

RedBull

8/10-Anything else

Well payed for any position I have whether I am a driver or not, the team looks fine overall except for the principal and others ‘in power’ like Helmut Marko or head engineers,basically anyone who has a power over the drivers. Anyway, I would have to think a bit before getting one of the leading positions next to Helmut or Chrisian Horner since they are pretentious and Horner made fun of Gasly on Drive to Survive.

6/10-Driver

The officials get to have fun interviews,meetings and experiences but they’re treated horribly(and that’s why I don’t give them 7/10 + because of the fact that the drivers don’t get to keep the original trophies).

10/10-stunts only

I would LOVE being the stunt driver way more than being the official driver,like I already mentioned before,they officials obviously still do more experiences but the stunts are the most exciting part of the team that drivers did only some times, so I’d say 10/10 as an official stunt driver(they don’t seem to have an official one but I’d try to be that one anyway) also,it’s not as demanding in time as an official driver contract. Here’s the link of what I am talking about.

youtube

Renault

9/10(driver)

?/10(other)

I don’t have any information about how much non drivers get paid and I don’t have enough videos of the rest of the team but until now every driver seemed satisfied to be with that team and the interviews are nice. Anyway the mechanics haven’t had the best first impression from me since they also made fun of Grosjean on ‘Drive to Survive’. Anyway,now that it’s becoming ‘Alpine’, the car and colours already motivate me even more.

McLaren

6/10-Driver

McLaren is one of those teams who keeps their drivers’ trophies and even though they have a successful history, it’s not successful enough for me to become their driver with that condition. Anyway, some say that one of the reasons why Lewis left that team is because of the trophies,indeed he only has his first one from his days with McLaren. Although they seem to often have fun experiences.

9/10-Other

They also seem to have fun in their own way and I really liked the video of McLaren about how their staff’s maintained their mental health during quarantine. I don’t know if they are payed enough or not though,but I have seen that they travel in groups:They have a private jet for the rest of the staff only and a private bus so I guess that even if they are payed averagely,they don’t have to spend money on transportation which is pretty much expensive if you are not one of the main figure of the team. Anyway the mechanics and principal haven’t had the best first impression from me since they also made fun of Grosjean on ‘Drive to Survive’ (yes,them too).

Racing Point

3/10-Driver

After what’s happening this year, I would just feel a little bit under pressured,hoping not to loose my seat especially after what Perez has done for the team. They don’t seem to have as much fun or experiences as others and I wouldn’t feel 100% comfortable to work for a team that has ‘stolen’ another team’s engine. There’s also the whole drama of the unreported Covid case. Basically,there are too many controversies caused by the leaders that have you in in social media and tabloids as one of the possible main faces. If you asked me last year, I wouldn’t have decided such a low mark.

5/10-Other

I guess that they are payed averagely or enough at least from what I have seen happening in Drive to Survive, I also heard that if it wasn’t for Perez ,half of the team would have been dismissed because of the lack of money. I think that they are simply OK now that they have money coming in. I don’t know much from the team overall but they are dominating the social media team standings (on WTF1 on YouTube). But like on the driver’s case,it isn’t amazing working for a controversial team,even when you are not the face of it. Just earing this and that about your team makes you want to part away. Especially if you are one of the mechanics who had to build the car,you’d just feel insecure about the whole copycat thing. There’s also the fact that the mechanics made fun of Grosjean and Sainz for crashing on ‘Drive To Survive’.

Ferrari

8/10-Driver

Because each one of them has their own particular experience which can go from very well to simply good: Even when you don’t leave as the most satisfied driver,your time there has been memorable and it’s literally a honour being associated with the first and most successful (not anymore...) team ever,which also has most fans out of all teams. Ferrari also has a thing for traditions and strikes back at whoever talks badly about them,so I would have to pay attention to what I say but that’s not a problem for me since I am a private person and I don’t talk much. Many fun/media experiences guaranteed whether it’s for Ferrari’s social media presence or not. A lot of money for sure,not only from Ferrari but from the sponsors too. Be aware that getting famous has a lot of cons too,especially during this digital era that has a lot of haters and misunderstandings. But if you are a calm and cautious driver,everything should be fine. But on the other side,Ferrari has ‘ruined’ many drivers in past (that’s what most people say,I believe that even if they weren’t as fortunate,like I already said,they had benefits from it).

10/10-Other

In Ferrari even mechanics are well paid and if we are talking about 2020 I’d say that it’s ever better being with Ferrari since I am Italian,although they don’t have races in Rome. Saying that you work with Ferrari even if you have a small role will always put a good impression in everybody.

Alpha Tauri

9/10-Anything

Another Italian based team,so it’s a good preference for me. The whole team seems good for now. They also have some interesting experiences but not many.Though now that they are with RedBull, I don’t know if the drivers get to keep their trophies.

Alfa Romeo

8/10-Anything

The last Italian team,like I said, I have a slight preference for them in terms of comfortabiliy.The environment seems overall fine and they had to have something to convince Kimi to move from Ferrari OR he wanted to keep being in the business but had small problems in Ferrari want convinced him to move away. Whatever happened he seems happier than when he was during his Ferrari days and remember that’s he’s being paid A LOT LESS than before(37 millions from 2014-2017 to 8 millions in 2020). I just hope that they can succeed in future.

Haas

6/10-Driver and leaders

Even thought it was fun hearing Gunter Steiner on Drive To Survive with his accent, I am anti profane and I couldn’t tolerate being around him all the time as a driver or other big image of the sport. They don’t have many any experience and that’s makes the team a little boring.

7/10-Other

I like that the team does its own thing and it’s sad that this year’s car starts good but the farer you go,the worse it gets. Good team so far. But I didn’t feel comfortable when they laughed at Gunter’s joke on Grosjean at the gathering,still,maybe they felt obligated. Here’s what I am referring about regarding the car:

youtube

Williams

8/10-Anything

It must be sad being the very last team,especially when you’ve had such a successful past. Not to talk about how the whenever they are on points ,something happens .🥺 But all these years they seem to have a good environment. And as in 2020,they showed me that they ALL have at least a little bit of happy sometimes,on and off YouTube and they are currently 2/3 on the Social media team standings on WTF1. Speaking of,I like how they laugh at their condition. The drivers are fairly paid and maybe the rest of the team too but it’s sad that they don’t even gain points,so they probably haven’t seen additional money for years.

Percentages from bottom to top:

Racing Point-160

Haas-260

RedBull-280 (non classified stunt position)

McLaren-300

Williams-320

Alfa Romeo-320

Renault-360 (to revise because there’s almost no information about the rest of the team)

Final 3,tie lineup adjusted from least to top pick.

Alpha Tauri-360

Still under RedBull leaders. I am not sure about that but they may or may not keep my trophies because it’s what RB does. May be obligated to give space to rookies or RB drivers and move to RB or another team.

Mercedes -360

Fun experiences but not fun enough for me.

Ferrari-360

Actual fun experiences. I can stay close to home.

My thoughts on this:

Honestly I didn’t expect to give McLaren such a low mark , they’re a good team overall but it’s off, same for Haas but I kind of expected it on them.

Pay attention:

Every team worker except drivers, gets paid a certain amount of extra money depending on how much they score after each race. For example Mercedes P1 and P13 ,they gain 5 thousands each for the P1 an 0 for the P12. Another example is Ferrari P2 and P3,they gain 3 thousands each for the P2+ 1 thousand each for the P3. It’s called Prize Money and it’s given from CVC,not the team. Drivers don’t get it because they already have the amount of it decided on the contract with the team.

When I say ��fun’ experiences, I don’t mean that they all have to have fun all the times. I mean that people or enjoying their time on work and being productive and proud at the end of their day. Not everything that is fun means people laughing, I went trought this: People thought that I hated my time there just because I wasn’t joining and unconditionally enjoying them all the times and that mindset made them annoying and annoyed by me so I didn’t feel wanted anymore and felt even more uncomfortable than before. That’s why McLaren had 9/10 on ‘Other’: The fact that they talked about mental health made them more likable as a team because it’s not blind or unresponsive towards their crew’s state. I hope that they learned from when they made fun of Grosjean on DTS. RB drivers and engineers also have interesting experiences but considering but considering the other cons I didn’t rank them higher on ‘Driver’.

#f1 #formula one #formula 1 #mine #opinions #mercedesamgf1 #aston martin red bull racing #redbull racing #ferrarif1 #renault f1 team #racing point #mclaren f1 #alpha tauri #alfa romeo #haas f1 team #williams racing #williams f1

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haeddoti · 4 years

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This is my first blog-post and it is about some of the books I read between year 7 and 11 in my German high school. These books aren’t in a particular order, I just wrote all of them down and took some notes to guide me along. I’ll give a brief summary and then my thoughts about the books.

Without further due, let’s get into the series!

Nr. 1 “Hexen in der Stadt-Ingeborg Engelhardt”

We read this book in seventh grade and immediately after reading (actually during reading as well) we asked ourselves how and why someone thought “Hell yeah, that’s a topic for 11 year olds” since the book is originally listed for grade 5 and 6.

The story takes place in a German town during the Thirty years war, the witch hunts are running wild and the church is all over the place. The story follows a family of four who live in this town, the father is a doctor, one daughter is read-headed and the other a sleep walker. And although the father is greatly needed in this time, the towns people are really suspicious of the family, and they have to flee the city.

First of all, the book was so dense, it was almost unbearable. Definitely not something for children and yet the book won the “Youth literature award” in Germany, so I guess it wasn’t too bad after all. I honestly don’t remember a lot from it, I know we watched a horrible movie about it and I also remember that the pacing(?) in the book was weird, because the first 80% or so took reaaaally long to read through and virtually nothing happened and then in the last 20% everything happened all at once and it was just too much.

Nr. 2 “Am kürzeren Ende der Sonnenallee-Thomas Brussig”

The only (apparent) reason why we read this book was because we had our final class trip to Berlin in year 10.

The setting is the DDR, East-Berlin to be precise, somewhere around 1970ish. Our protagonist Micha lives in a street which was cut in half my the Berlin Wall and he, unfortunately enough, lives in East-Berlin. He frequent meets with his friends in a nearby park where they listen to West-Music and swoon about Miriam, the neighborhood beauty who is kinda a not-like-other-girls-girl.

All in all, the books is about searching happiness and thinking about how it is so very close and yet never being able to reach it.

It was comfortable to read and overall it was an okay novel. I don’t remember much about it, although I literally read it a year ago. The insight about east-Berlin was cool, and the author definitely implemented own experiences and as someone who grew up in post-split Westgermany it was rather informative and interesting. The quote on the back of the book was also pretty.

“Happy people have a bad memory and rich memoirs”

Nr. 3 “Frühlings Erwachen-Frank Wendekind”

(Springs Awakening)

Oh. My. God. This whole topic was such a BS and I hated every second of it.

The book takes place, once again, in a German Town in a time where there is no Sex-Ed, aka 1900th century, which is also the topic of the book; Sex-Ed gone wrong. Our first protagonist Wendla grows up in a home with a loving, strict mother and far, far away from everything unholy like sex. Our second protagonist, Melchior, is a really smart, really handsome boy who is the top of his class and who likes to read provocative literature which makes him think about masturbation. His best friend is also handsome but really stupid but the social pressure keeps him from dropping out of school- that and his strict, abusive father. Melchior and Wendla fall in love (he hits her with sticks after she metions that she has never been hurt before), have Sex(he rapes her) and after Wendla gets pregnant and dies after an attempted abortion via poisonous plants her aunt have her, Melchior is only mildly devastated. He turns sad, and kinda crazy, after his best friend commits suicide. He has a rendez-vous with the ghost and death itself, he is happy again? I dunno, the whole book was all over the place.

Worse than the book was the discussions we had in class afterwards. One time we had to argue whether it was in-fact rape or if it was just sex. Second discussion we had was about Wendla being a masochist.

The worst thing about the whole topic was the stupid ass movie adaptation.

You think Percy Jackson has it bad? Oh boy. Ohhh boy. The movie plays in the 2000s, graffiti, cool skater boys, rapper-wannabes and early 2000s fashion included. The names stayed tho, cause why not name the male protagonist Melchior in 2001. There are scenes where teenagers, TEENAGERS, go to a brothel. Ah, I forgot.

They are 13-14, book and movie alike.

10/10 would NOT recommend.

Nr. 4 “Der Besuch der alten Dame-Friedrich Dürrenmatt”

(The visit)

(No, not the horror movie)

Oh my goodness, I loved this book.

Picture this. A small town in a German province far away from any major cities with a single trail connection between Hambourg and Zurich, aka the whole length of Germany, where virtually nothing happens. One day, a former resident, comes for a visit. But not just anyone, Claire frikking Zachanassian comes for a visit.

And for blood, because this sixty-something, badass multi-billionaire who got her fortune by marrying a bunch of men who died coincidentally one after the other proposes to the town an offer.

One billion for the head of the man, Alfred the third, who expelled her out of the town after getting her pregnant and lying about it in court after she sued him.

They sent her away in the train, called her a hoe and laughed about her. She lived in a brother for a little while, her son died, and a horny, rich man decided to marry her because why not.

At first the towns people are disgusted by the offer, outraged by the immoral offer and they straight up deny it. “I’ll wait, Claire says”.

You see, the town is really, really poor. Not only because it is in a terrible location commercially wise, but also because Claire bought every factory in the town and brought them all to a stand still to slowly dry the city out. She planned this revenge.

And you see, the proposal of 500 million split between the inhabitants and 500 million for the industry of the city sounds great if you are on the brink of disaster and hunger and misery. But surely, with such an immoral offer, no one would want to commit a crime? Or would they.

Because, now that I look at it, Alfred really did something horrible… maybe, just maybe I can allow myself to stack up some dept.

And Alfred grew more and more paranoid. Begging Claire to stop this, apologizing on his knees, crying and sleeping with one open eye at all times.

We discussed in our class what we would do. We didn’t really came to a conclusion since we had nothing to compare, not one of us was ever asked to make such a decision. “It depends” was our final answer.

They do kill him in the end. It doesn’t end happy, Claire isn’t happy, but she does give the towns people their money. I really enjoyed reading this book. The female “antagonist” was refreshingly bad-ass and the moral despair was entertaining to read.

We learn that Claire is rich and powerful, but that she lost so much innocence, so much energy to enjoy her life in such young years that, as a reader, you cannot not sympathize with her.

Nr. 5 “Das Versprechen-Friedrich Dürrenmatt”

(The pledge)

Hands down the best book I’ve read in school.

This book is originally a critique by Dürrenmatt about the emerging detective novel genre where everything always works out.

The setting is in a Swiss town, 1950ish, and in the beginning the reader takes on the role of an author who meets a certain Dr. H who works for the police. They become friends and take a ride through the mountains. Upon taking a stop at a gas station, Dr. H introduces us to a seemingly old, smoking, alcohol-reeking man and a scruffy looking girl. The narrator is confused, asks who these people are, and back in the car, we learn that this is the former detective, no-one-escapes-me, super-brain Matthäi.

From that point on the narrator switches and we are now in a third person narrator perspective.

Matthäi is introduced again, this happening in the past, as a hard-working, clean, structured man who doesn’t smoke, drink or disobeys rules. No one really likes him in the office, but they value that he just so good at his job. But because he is so unapproachable, they want to sent him away to Jordan.

The week he was planning to travel there, a young girl is raped and then brutally murdered in a small town nearby. And because he is Mister Superbrain, he goes there to help investigate.

The other officers at the crime scene are (understandably) uncomfortable, they don’t want to talk to the family, or the people there in general. So Matthäi talks to everyone. He is a very calm, collected, cold man. So he meets with the family, tells them what happened to their daughter and is utterly, completely shocked when the mother just blankly stares in his face, and asks him to promise her to find the murderer of her daughter. He is shocked by the lack of emotion in this moment and sees himself in this cold visage of the mother. He promises her, just to get away from her as fast as possible, and drives back to be office.

I don’t want to spoil too much because this book is just so good, but oh my god

I’m in general a sucker for drastic changes in character or demeanor (hence why I liked The Visit so much as well) but his book takes everything to another level. They “plottwist” is so incredibly frustrating and nerve wraking to read, the perspective changes provide so much more depth.

And for the first time I finally read a really intricate, morally gray character.

Nr. 6 “Nathan der Weise-G. E. Lessing”

(Nathan the Wise)

This book was kinda eh. If I had so summarize it as fast as possible it would probably be “Religion and accidental incest”. It is about the three world religions and stereotypes between them, about genocide and also about stigmatization. It ends on a nice note, tho.

The only really remarkable passage of this book is the so-called “Ringparabel” in which Nathan answers to the question which religion is the real, big OG of them all. It is pretty nice and the symbolism is really fitting as well. The beginning of the book is incredibly boring but it does get better in the end. All in all not a total waste of time and money but nothing I would read again.

Nr. 7 “Die Leiden des jungen Werther- Goethe”

(The sorrows of young Werther)

Ah yes, no German class without Goethe. This book is written in a way that lets the reader really seep into Werthers emotion because it is written as a letter-novel. Werther is a young, nature-loving guy who (in the beginning of the book) is just really happy, go-lucky and over all nice. Then he meets Lotte, a young, pretty, smart and book-loving woman who is empathic to all those around her. He falls in love with her, despite knowing that she is literally engaged and about to marry. She knows he loves her, her fiance know he loves her and literally everyone knows he loves her and they are ok with it? I dunno. Werther has a severe Seasonal-affective-Disorder. He kinda makes it through the first winter after meeting Lotte but never really recovers, even during summer. In the second winter, he can’t take it anymore and he commits suicide.

I liked the book (not only because I can identify with the SAD). In the end we learn that Lotte isn’t as good as we originally think she is; She is actually really possessive of Werther and although she wants him to be happy, she doesn’t think anyone is good enough for him and thus he should just stay close to her. She enjoys the attention given by her husband, who is actually really nice and whom she does love, and by Werther who is utterly and completely obsessed with her.

Opinions on this book split 50/50 with my friends. Some of them think like me and they see the heart break and the desire to move on but ultimately, the way attraction is so so strong. Some other friends, more specifically my Help-with-Maths-Go-to-Guy hated this book with a burning passion. I can see why. The imagery is sometimes a tad too far-fetched and the wording is, in true Goethe-Fashion really hard to read and the sentences are kinda messed up as well.

But in the end it is still the book which opened the way for Goethe to be one of the greatest writers in Europe and I can see why.

Oh wow. This concludes all the books I read thus far. There will be definitely more to come next year and maybe I’ll do another post like this once I read some more.

I hope you enjoyed to read my thoughts and maybe felt inspired to look into one of these as well!

See you soon!

#books #german highschool #goethe #durrenmatt #my thoughts and opinions #we read more but these are the ones i recall best

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viviansternwood · 6 years

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Bellarke MBTIs - my opinion

I know this has been done many times by now, but I honestly just disagree with a lot of typings out there, so I thought I’d explain my point of view.

Please remember that this is my point of view only, and I’m always open to constructive criticism.

Bellamy Blake: ESTJ - The Executive

Strengths: dedicated, strong-willed, direct and honest; loyal, patient and reliable; enjoys creating order, excellent organiser.

Weaknesses: inflexible and stubborn, uncomfortable with unconventional situations, judgmental, too focused on social status, difficult to relax, difficult to express emotions

Bellamy usually seems to be typed as either an ENTJ or an ISTJ, but to me he’s clearly an ESTJ.

Early on in season one he does seem to show some ENTJ traits, but once he starts working with Clarke, and their personalities balance each other, to me he can’t be any other type than an ESTJ.

1. Te - extraverted thinking

This is Bellamy’s primary function, and this is all about logic and effectiveness in any situation where there’s time-pressure. Someone with Te as their dominant function will weigh up all the options they have in the moment and go with the one that makes most sense or has the best probable outcome. Te is also about getting things done instead of thinking over a solution for a long time before actually applying it, which means that actions made based on this function can appear rash and unplanned. This is the basis of how Bellamy acts and this is why he’s the “heart” of the Bellarke duo.

Early on in season 3, when he finds out Clarke’s whereabouts, he makes a quick decision to dress up as an Azgeda warrior and risk his life to go and get her immediately because he doesn’t know when he’s going to get the chance to save her next, and this is the best option he has at the moment. He wants things to be done fast, and done well because he doesn’t like sitting down and thinking out long and elaborate plans (that’s usually Clarke’s job).

Bellamy also doesn’t like hypothesising on things, and he just likes to take things the way they are, even if it seems illogical at the time (e.g. “If anything happens to me-”, “Nothing is happening to you, Clarke”).

Te is what makes him so good at thinking on his feet and making the best of what he’s got. When he finds out Octavia’s taking part in the conclave, he just comes up with a simple plan on how to get her to win, instead of attempting to stop the conclave or finding some other solution (like what Clarke was doing). He takes things for what they are and solves the issues in the way.

ENTJs share this function as their dominant one, which is why I think Bellamy is often mistyped as an ENTJ.

2. Si - introverted sensing

Si, when supported by the dominant Te function tends to make the person seem like they have a very black and white mindset because it makes them focus on things that are important in the moment and push everything else aside. Bellamy does this a lot, he has that “do what we can now and live with the consequences tomorrow” kind of approach (e.g. “Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things, Clarke”; giving a knife to Wells Jaha to make it a “fair fight” between him and Murphy).

Si is all about practicality and straightforwardness, which is why Bellamy can often appear insensitive in stating his opinions and feelings outright (e.g. “You left me, Clarke”; “My life ended the day you were born, Octavia”), and that’s another reason why he’s the “heart”.

3. Ne - extroverted intuition

This is a function that always wants new experiences and enables someone to rely on their past experiences to make decisions about new situations. This is that basis of the whole “Whatever the hell we want” mind set originated, because Bellamy had suffered from the imbalance of power on the Ark his entire life, and so he needed to do something exactly opposite to that. That choice, although it would seem completely extreme to pretty much anyone made sense to him because of how many issues he had with the system on the Ark.

Ne is also why he resents Clarke and Wells so much at the beginning - the only associations he has with them in the past are those of the people in positions of power who executed his mother and basically forced him to keep his little sister under the floor for the first 16 years of her life. To him privilege immediately means someone entitled and hungry for power, and he doesn’t even stop to think that maybe Clarke and Wells are different. He only changes his approach after he’s had new experiences with Clarke and has formed respect for her. He remains of the same opinion of the powerful people on the Ark unless they prove themselves to him, e.g. his suspicion and disrespect for Jaha until the very as opposed to his understanding and respect for Kane.

4. Fi - introverted feeling

This is Bellamy’s weakest function, and it only manifests itself after his thinking process has gone through the first three.

This is why Bellamy only shows strong emotions and is vulnerable when he’s with people he knows he can trust, e.g. Clarke and Octavia.

Fi notably only affects his decision-making when someone with whom he has a strong emotional connection is in danger. He knows that letting Mountain Men drop a missile on TonDC is strategically a good decision (i.e. losing a battle doesn’t mean losing a war), but because his sister is there, he’s completely opposed to it, no matter the fact that it’s the only option they have. Same with pulling that lever in Mount Weather - he talks a few episodes prior to that about coming up with a plan that doesn’t kill every single person in the mountain, but when he sees that his sister is about to be tortured, he helps Clarke pull the lever, no questions asked. “My sister - my responsibility” is very much an Fi thing.

As to season 5 Bellamy, I definitely recognise that he’s changed a lot over the time jump, but I don’t think his typing changed. To me it seems like he became even less in-tune with his Fi function because in season 5 his actions are all cold logic and fact and making the best you can out of every situation. He seems to recognise the effect his actions will have on the feelings of others, but doesn’t let it influence his decision-making process.

Clarke Griffin: ISTJ - The Logistician

Strengths: honest and direct, strong-willed and dutiful, responsible, calm and practical, create and enforce order, jacks-of-all-trades.

Weaknesses: stubborn, insensitive, always by the book, judgmental, tend to unreasonably blame themselves

Clarke is probably the one character on whose typing there’s most debate. I’ve seen her typed as INTJ, ISFJ, INFJ, etc. but I myself was torn between INTJ and ISTJ. After research and a lot of thinking, I definitely see that she’s an ISTJ.

1. Si - introverted sensing

People with Si as their dominant function are very good at seeing everyone else’s potential and coming up with plans that assign roles in a way that maximises that potential. This is what Clarke always does, it makes sense to her when every person sticks to their role and therefore things get done well. This is also why she often gets irritated with Bellamy, because he tends to just rush into actions without having planned out a good strategy first.

This function is also why Clarke tends to show her love for people in practical ways, like constantly sacrificing herself for them and saving their lives, rather than telling them outright. She very rarely tells Abby that she loves her, but it’s clear she does because of how much she does for her. (Same with Bellamy tbh.)

Clarke is also all about order and rules, Bellamy’s “Whatever the hell we want” mode of governing the 100 leaves her confused and she keeps insisting that they need rules. This is because Si is all about cataloguing things and organising personal experiences in a way that will help her make decisions in future situations, and an anarchy is something she’s never seen before season 1 so she doesn’t know how it can possibly work.

This is one of the reasons why she’s so judgmental of Abby in the first seasons and of Bellamy when he puts the flame in Madi’s head. Whenever she feels like there’s a better way to get things done or like there’s a line that should never be crossed, she’s very slow at forgiving people for failing those expectations. It is only logical arguments that make her see reason, but not emotional attachment to those people.

2. Te - extroverted thinking

This function is all about efficiency and the need to keep moving forward. This is why at the end of season 2, when Lexa and the grounders leave Skaikru high and dry, instead of retreating to think things over and regroup, Clarke immediately comes up with a new plan and basically breaks into the mountain with only a few people supporting her. Because she knows she needs to get things done and her people rescued, and so she picks herself up and moves forward.

The need to be constantly moving forward is also why she never talks about her feelings and never gets her emotional issues resolved. She always feels like there’s not enough time to do that and there’s too many things that need her immediate attention.

3. Fi - introverted feeling

Fi is the greatest cause of pain in Clarke’s life, it is the function that makes her carry this constant guilt with her for years after any incident where she feels she failed someone.

This is also the function that works as her gut instinct as opposed to logical decision-making that is ruled by SiTe. Clarke often knows something is a good decision logically, but hesitates to go through with it because of the emotional issues she has with it, e.g. allowing Mountain Men to drop a missile on TonDC while knowing Octavia is there and that it would hurt her relationship with Bellamy.

This function paired with her drive for constant efficiency and success is what often makes her feel like a failure when things go wrong and makes her unreasonably blame herself.

4. Ne - extroverted intuition

This is the function that makes Clarke want new experiences and think quick on her feet, but because it’s her weakest function, she can rarely rely on it. This is why Bellamy is much better at coming up with solutions for issues he’s never dealt with before, but Clarke can’t do it, she needs past experiences to know what is a good and a bad idea.

A good example is when she has to make a list of the 100 people in season 4, and it takes her a long time to even get to it because it’s nothing she ever encountered before so she doesn’t know where to start. She ends up using a very scientific and brutal approach to it because that’s what makes sense to her logically.

Again, season 5 Clarke is different to how she was before the time jump, but it seems to me that having to take care of Madi and become a parent (again, something she’d never done before and succeeded at) developed her Ne function to the level at which it never worked before that. Because of that, she started to trust her gut a lot more, even in situations where she doesn’t have past experience to rely on. Her feelings of guilt and the need to get things done didn’t go anywhere, it’s just that she doesn’t let those things control her approach to resolving issues as much as before the time jump.

Let me know if you disagree.

#bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #the 100

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sunyoonandstars · 6 years

Text

✨Linked✨ || BTS Soulmate AU Series || You x !Soulmate! Yoongi | You x Jimin || Part 14

Text/Social Media/Narrative Series

Previous Part | Next Part

LINKED MASTERLIST

Credit goes to the lovely @789cream for creating this beautiful moodboard for my series.Thanks again!

Pairing You x !Soulmate! Yoongi You x Jimin

Word count 3.706

‘siblings’, according to age: Namjoon, Jimin, y/n, Taehyung (you grew up living in the same foster home as implied in earlier parts of this series)

fluff, angst

Key: y/sh/n = your ship’s name

Eventually, after years of successfully having avoided it, you have come across your soulmate. An ominous stranger of whom you know no more than the back of his head, his phone number and that he works as a part-time barista at your (former) favorite coffee shop. Having been pressured by a friend into contacting him, things start to get complicated. Because your heart already belongs to another. And the last thing you want is for your soul to find its one, true, destined mate …

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

― Plato, The Symposium

Soulmates.

You had always dreaded the day on which the birthmark on your left wrist would suddenly start itching, whereas for most people the moment their one and only destined soulmate’s name was supposed to reveal itself, burning under their skin, couldn’t seem to come soon enough.

Foolish romantics.

Because once both sides acknowledge their destined soulmate, a connection forms which can never be undone. Not even by death.

Who in their right mind would voluntarily bind their soul to that of another for life? To share their every joy and hurt and be faithful until they take their very last breath without even having a choice? To suffer indescribable agony once the other one exits this life and be left in utter loneliness, so bottomlessly deep nothing will ever be able to fill it again, causing you physical pain and insanity?

That’s right. Not you. Especially, because your heart already belongs to someone else … Does it though?

Chapter 14

You get progressively anxious as the hours pass and the time at which you’re supposed to meet up with the ever so mysterious Min Suga approaches. Maybe a little too quickly for your taste.

Truth be told, you face the reencounter with mixed emotions. Especially since your heart is still in turmoil after your falling-out with Jimin.

You still can’t believe he’d actually threaten Suga, a man who didn’t do much more than accompany his injured girlfriend to the Emergency Room, in a manner so childish and on display for the whole world to see. You wonder what got into him as you pack up your things and leave the lecture hall, just having finished your last class for today.

Your heartbeat increasingly accelerates with each step you take towards your designated rendezvous point under the old cherry tree by the campus’ main building. And you’re not even sure what it is that leads your pulse to race.

Is it only because you’re anxious about showing a virtual stranger your creative works? Because you chose a few samples that are probably a little too revealing? Showing your deepest fears and emotions, making you vulnerable? But that’s what expressing oneself through art is all about, in the end. And it’s nothing new or unfamiliar to you at this point. So that shouldn’t be it.

Is it Suga himself, maybe? The mere thought of seeing him again? Of looking into those deep dark eyes of his? Or the memory of feeling his warmth against your skin when he wrapped his arms around you to lead you out of harm's way as your head rested all too comfortably against his chest?

No. No way. That can’t be it. That shouldn’t be it. How dare you think of another man like that when Jimin is most likely beating himself up over your fight this very second?

No, y/n. Get your head on straight. You’re not swooning over some vague rapper you’ve literally only ever met once. This meeting and the collaboration you’re about to do with Suga are simply meant as a gesture of gratitude so the two of you will be even again and you can focus on fixing things with Jimin. That’s it. Period.

Still, you can’t help but hold your breath for a few seconds as the handsome musician finally comes in sight.

Damn.

Those pastel pink blossoms go perfectly with his mint green hair. And that posture. That jawline. Those piercing black eyes. His whole aura. It hits you like a truck.

Get a grip, y/n!, you scold yourself, forcing a smile as you wave at Suga to get his attention.

Involuntarily, you stop cold in your step the instant his eyes eventually shoot up from his phone’s screen to find yours.

A smile stretches across Suga’s face as he recognizes you, proceeding to take off his headphones and start walking towards you, his stride smooth but his posture in no way showing signs of haughtiness. In bright daylight he looks even paler, you notice. Probably because he spends most of his time behind closed doors, locked in his studio.

„Hey!“, he greets you when he finally comes to a halt before you, his grin so broad now even his gums are showing.

Cute, you catch yourself thinking.

„Hey“, you repeat after him, your voice cracking, sounding unusually rough, almost getting stuck somewhere halfway down your throat.

„How — How are you?“, Suga asks, shoving both his hands deep into the pockets of his loose, worn-out denims. „I mean, did you sleep all right? Later on, after we texted? And how’s your hand? Wait. Let me see that.“

Before you know it, he gently takes your bandaged hand into his in the middle of the square for all to see, going on to carefully inspect the wound dressing. A few of your classmates pass you by, whispering, peering at you blatantly, whispering, one of the girls even going so far as to point her finger.

Only when you demonstratively clear your throat and Suga looks up to discover your cheeks had turned a bright pink does he realize what he’s done and immediately let’s go of your hand, burying his in the pockets of his jeans again.

„Sorry”, he mumbles, averting his eyes in obvious embarrassment at his imprudent action. “But the bandage looks fine. It didn’t start bleeding again?“

„I don’t think so“, you shake your head. „I’m all right. But what about you. Your ribs. Did you get hurt last night when — You know.“

He seems puzzled by your concern for his wellbeing.

„Me? I’m okay.“

„Are you sure?“

You could swear you just witnessed his hand subconsciously wander upwards towards his right side.

„Yeah. It’s nothing. Just a bruise. I’m good. I swear.“

Still not entirely convinced, you realize that you’re going to have to put up with his deception for now, since there’s obviously no point in probing him any further.

„So, we’re both well. Awesome.“

You’re almost sure he takes note of your sarcastic undertone. Yet, Suga merely nods in agreement, avoiding eye contact.

„So, shall we get going?“, he asks, tilting his head, eying you intently now, an ambiguous smirk playing on his rosy lips.

„Go? Where?“

„Well, you weren’t planning on spread out your drawings right here in the dirt for me to look at them, were you?“

You eagerly shake your head.

„That’s what I thought. So, let’s go to my studio. It’s quiet there and private. We won’t be disturbed and your art will be safe from prying eyes.“ He smiles.

„Only if that’s okay for you, though“, Suga quickly adds, doubt leading his brows to furrow as he notes your initial puzzlement.

„Of course“, you croak out as soon as you regain your composure, avoiding Suga’s intense gaze and feeling your heart skip a beat at the idea of spending time with him alone, just the two of you. You’re not sure if it’s excitement or anxiety that gets a grip of your heart and lets your stomach do somersaults as you follow him towards the building complex in which most of the practice rooms and studios for students of Music and Dance are situated.

You hadn’t set foot in the Performing Arts’ main building ever since Namjoon had finished his studies about a year ago. Entering it again now, side by side with the enigmatic rapper, it all seems so different. The air-conditioned breeze welcoming you as the two of you enter the foyer feels electrifying instead of dry and cold like you remembered it, every single particle of the air seeming to dance across your skin, leaving it tingling.

„I’m just gonna have to check in before we use the studio and get a key“, Suga explains as you watch him head for some kind of a reception desk behind which a middle-aged man is softly snoring, leaning back in his chair, unwrapped Snicker’s bar still clutched in his hand.

You just nod and wait in the middle of the hall for him to return. Anxiously pressing your portfolio to your chest, your heart still pounding, you observe Suga’s every move and can’t help but grin to yourself when you witness him kicking the sleeping clerk’s shoe repeatedly in order to wake him up.

„Here it is. My sanctuary. Feel honored to be one of the first human beings to ever be allowed entry.“

Wide-eyed, you stare back at Suga, who’s watching your reaction, his eyes bright with amusement and affection as he steps inside the small, dark room, its soundproof walls lined with black shelves filled with records and equipment.

„Are you serious?“

„Yes“, he solemnly nods, biting his lip to keep it from smiling, it appears. „I never let anybody in here. And nobody wants to come anyway. So…“

„Really? I thought you guys, like, shared studios and all?“

„Nope. Not me. I’m one of the top students here. Not to brag. But I’m about to be signed by a rather big label.“

Suga shrugs as if it’s nothing. But you definitely spot a spark light up the deep dark pools of his brown orbs at the idea of the things his future in the music business holds in store for him.

„So … are you sure you want me in here? Am I not, I don’t know, gonna disturb your creative energies or something?“

You lift one foot across the door sill but hesitate and pull it back immediately.

„Yes. Of course. I’m sure“, he chuckles. „Otherwise I wouldn’t have invited you, stupid.“

Suga literally flinches as soon as he realizes what he just called you, eyes round, one hand shooting up to cover his mouth. Instead of holding his little insult against him, though, a stifled laugh is your immediate response, and you’re pretty sure you take to him even more now.

„It’s all right“, you brush off his apparent concern. „Really. Call me all the names you want. Cursing is fine, too. My b—“ You stop in mid-sentence, the word boyfriend simply refusing to leave your lips. „Most people I know always treat me so carefully. As if I’m made of glass or something. Even though I curse all the time. I really don’t know what it is about me that makes them think I need to be handled with kid gloves.“

“Well, maybe they see something in you that’s so precious it needs to be protected. At all times. And at all costs.”

You shrug your shoulders, breathing a sigh. Still leaning against the doorframe to Suga’s studio, your gaze remains fixed on the floor and avoiding his, since you are well aware of the fact that your cheeks are burning and your eyes well up once more.

In horror, you watch the ground start to spin beneath your feet.

Suddenly, it’s just all too much.

Everything comes back all at once.

The words Jimin threw at you. The things you said to him. The events of last night. The questions and feelings you had bottled up for months now. Your Soulmate’s questions.

What the hell are you so afraid of?

Yes. Exactly. What are you so afraid of, y/n?

Of actually being loved for who you are?

„So, are you just gonna keep standing there all night?“, Suga’s words let you jolt from your thoughts.

You can’t bring yourself to lift your glance or react in any way, though, afraid to lose control and break out in tears once he gets a better look at you and recognizes the storm that’s currently raging behind your brittle facade.

„Come on. Come on in, will you? Hmm, y/n?“, he coaxes, the tone of his raspy voice serious and ever so soft all of a sudden.

Next thing you know, you can feel one of his hands gently grab you by your arm and guide you inside. Suga then places you on a black sofa next to his work desk before he goes on to close the door and squat in front of you.

„What is it? What’s the matter? Did I say something wrong? Or is this uncomfortable for you, y/n?“, he inquires, his words resonating with genuine worry.

„Come on, please look at me. Can you do that?“

He leans in closer, placing his hands each on one of your knees, his warmth seeping through the fabric of your jeans being of unknown comfort.

At this point, you have to hold your breath in order to keep the tears inside. However, you are unable to prevent your body from being shaken by suppressed sobs.

„I’m so sorry, y/n. What is it? Please, tell me! What did I do? Is this too much? Should we have gone to a café or something instead? This isn’t what you think it is, though. I would never —“

„It’s — It’s not you. It’s not because of you. It really isn’t. I swear. It’s — It’s just — I —“, you barely manage to get out the words as the tears start freely streaming down your hot cheeks, blurring your vision of Suga who now takes your face into his hands to get you to look at him.

„It’s okay. All right? Just breathe. Breathe with me, y/n. Close your eyes and take a deep breath.“

You do as you’re told, focusing on the sensation of Suga’s skin against yours and the sound of his calm breathing and soothing voice.

„Now. In. And out. Long, deep breaths. In. And out. And let it all out. Everything. Don’t be ashamed. Just cry if you need to. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.“

Somehow, his words seem to flick a switch. Promptly, you start sobbing uncontrollably, allowing Suga to pull you close, gladly resting your head on his shoulder and burying your tear-streaked face in his soft jumper.

„Ssssshhh, it’s all right. It’s all right, y/n. Just let it all out.“

And you do. You really can’t stop yourself it at this point, even if you wanted to. You don’t care any longer what Suga might think of you. In your heart and mind, there is no room for these kinds of mundane concerns.

All you can and want to feel right now is the warmth of Suga’s hug as he gently pulls you against his chest and starts rubbing your back, one hand tenderly running over your hair, his movements tranquilizing, his presence and closeness oddly reassuring. You don’t feel like he is a stranger when Suga now carefully lowers your body into a lying position on his sofa, placing a pillow under your head, one of his hands still stroking your neck in a calming manner.

„But — Your album — The collab — I — I need to —“, you meekly protest, struggling to sit up again. Suga, however, gently presses you back down into the sofa’s cushions.

„Just close your eyes, y/n. And rest. Don’t worry about the collab. There’s still enough time. You don’t need to deal with that now. How about you take a rest instead, hmm?“

There is no strength left in you to argue with him, so you decide to give in, simply nestle into the pillow and let him cover you with a cozy blanket, your eyelids fluttering shut of their own accord and your head becoming heavier by the second as you are encompassed by Suga’s scent emanating from the upholstery. You wonder how many nights he must have spent holed up in this tiny room, all alone, only his music keeping him company, as you slowly drift off to sleep.

Damn, Yoongi can’t help but think to himself.

This situation couldn’t have turned out any worse. Yet, at the same time, things couldn’t have gone much better for him.

Of course, he hates to see you so broken up about God knows what. But on the other hand, your trust and apparent reliance on his comfort fill his heart with the warmth it has been missing for far too long.

Smiling fondly, Yoongi watches you sleep. Your beautiful face, previously having been contorted by pain and worry, now looks so peaceful it’s almost too much for his heart to bear. He can feel it twist in his chest, having trouble to resist the urge to place a kiss on your forehead as he leans down to most gingerly extract his hand from in between your neck and the pillow where it’s been stuck for minutes now, careful not to disturb your rest in the process. Just as his operation is about to succeed, though, your hand suddenly shoot up and takes a hold of his wrist before you go on to comfortable nestle your head into Yoongi’s palm with a soft hum.

„Great“, he whispers to himself, hardly stifling a chuckle, excited by the idea that you might actually feel so comfortable with him, you won’t let him leave your side tonight.

Even though it’s still early in the evening and he was planning on getting some work on one of his new songs done tonight, Yoongi can’t bring himself to break free from your tight clutch and eventually decides to give in and lie down next to you on the floor, your head still resting on his hand.

Grinning like an idiot, he’s sure, Yoongi tries to get comfortable on the cold linoleum, careful not to put too much pressure on his injured rib. To be honest, though, he does neither mind the pain nor the inconvenience. Simply knowing that he was, somehow, indeed able to give you some comfort and temporary peace and that he can fall asleep by your side is well worth the stiff neck he’s, in all likelihood, going to have to deal with in the morning.

He’s just about to doze off when he the sudden sound of a phone repeatedly vibrating draws his attention and pulls Yoongi back out of a pleasant semi-sleep.

Quickly, yet cautiously, his free hand searches the deep pocket of your hoodie jacket for the cause of this disturbance, soon coming across your smartphone which ceases to vibrate the very second Yoongi is about to take the call in your place.

Not meaning to intrude into your privacy, he can’t help but skim through the notifications popping up on the lock screen.

Two missed calls from Namjoon, a bunch of messages from some guy named Hoseok.

Five unread texts from Taehyung and one missed call from the same. He must’ve been the one having called just now, Yoongi figures. But it’s really none of his business and he should refrain from meddling with yours.

The moment he is about to set your phone down on the floor, however, it starts vibrating again, Taehyung’s face flashing up on screen. After pondering how to handle this situation, Yoongi finally determines it would be best for everyone involved if he would take the call and, in doing so, prevent this mess he’s currently in from becoming even more complicated than it already is by worrying Taehyung unnecessarily.

„Y/n?”, his young colleague’s voice sounds from the phone’s speaker as soon as Yoongi answers it. “Why didn’t you reply to any of my texts? Is everything all right?“

„Well, that’s — I’m, uhmm —“ Yoongi has to clear his throat before he can start anew, lowering his voice to a whisper. „Y/n is currently unavailable.“

„What the hell’s that supposed to mean?“, Taehyung snaps back without hesitation. „And who are you even?“

„Doesn’t matter. Just, don’t worry. She’s asleep, all right? She’s … okay.“

„Yoongi!? Is that you?“

Damn. Just about now Yoongi is starting to regret his decision.

„Well, I guess there’s no point in denying it now, is there?“

“You’re with her? Right now? Seriously? Damn, you’re quick.”

Yoongi leans away from you as far as possible so as not to interfere with your peaceful slumber and casts one last scrutinizing glance over his shoulder to make sure you’re still asleep before he turns away again and resumes talking.

„Tae, let’s not make a big deal of this, okay?“, he hisses into your phone’s receiver, disrupting the younger one’s muttering. „We were working on a collaboration for one of my classes and she just started crying out of the blue. I swear, I didn’t do anything. I have no idea what the fuck happened. So I simply comforted her and helped her calm down so she’d get some rest, that’s all.“

„Well, in that case, I guess I should thank you for taking such good care of her. I mean it, Hyung. Y/n needs someone like you. Because there are some things she can’t talk to me about. Because, you know, our relations are kinda … complicated sometimes, with Jimin, Namjoon, her and myself having grown up together and all. And not under ideal conditions, I’d say.“

„Oh.“

„Yeah. But that’s a story for another time. For now, just make sure she’s okay, please? Because the thing with Jimin is really running her hard, I guess.“

„What happened? With her and Jimin?“

Yoongi has trouble hiding his excitement at the notion of trouble in paradise.

He can hear Taehyung sigh and pause at the other end of the phone, most likely wondering whether it’s a wise idea to bring Yoongi into the loop.

„I’m not sure if it’s my place to tell you“, he finally continues. „But they … kinda fought after you left last night. It was bad, I guess. Well, by their standards at least. Y/n was really hurt. And he’s being an asshole right now. But that shouldn’t be news to you.“

„Not really, no“, Yoongi scoffs, his mind going back to that ridiculous Facebook status update in which that guy practically openly threatened him. Not to mention the almost-fistfight that occurred last night in the stairwell of your apartment building.

„But he’s not always like that, our Jiminie. Honestly. I’m not sure what’s gotten into him lately. I guess his acting out has something to do with the whole soulmate business.“

„So, basically, what you’re saying is that this is my fault? Her being heartbroken and all?“

Guilt immediately spreads throughout Yoongi's aching chest, leading his heart to convulse and his throat to tighten as his eyes start wandering until they come to a rest on your ravishing features, an innocent half-smile tugging at your rosy lips in your unaware tranquility.

„Nah. Don’t worry too much, Yoongi-Hyung. They weren’t working recently, Jimin and her. They just didn’t have time to realize that since he was always away, touring with his dance company. She wasn’t happy lately. Not for months. I think she actually came close to ending things with him at one point, but knowing him he did or said something terribly sweet and caring and she decided to overlook all the areas in which their relationship was lacking. What can I say? Love isn’t easy. Unless you find your one, true, destined soulmate, of course.“

„Yeah, sure“, Yoongi mumbles absentmindedly, his gaze still fixed on you. „Anyway. I gotta go, Tae. I don’t wanna wake her up. But no word of this to anyone or I’m gonna kill you. Literally.“

„All right, all right“, Taehyung chuckles in response. „I’m team y/sh/n, remember? I’m rooting for you, Hyung.“

„Thanks a lot.“

„One day you’ll actually mean it. You’re gonna thank me and actually mean it. Mark my words!“

„Yeah, yeah. Bye.“

„Bye. See you tomorrow. Don’t be late, or I’m gonna kill you.“

„As if.“

With those words, Yoongi ends the call and turns off your phone to avoid further disruptions before he, once more, gets as comfortable as possible next to you and his worn-out sofa and eventually falls asleep to the dulcet sound of your calm breathing.

END OF CHAPTER 14 || TO BE CONTINUED

Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it so far and this chapter didn’t disappoint. 😌

Here you can find my Masterlist in case you feel like checking out more of my BTS fiction.

Also, if you have Spotify, you can listen to the ‘official’ playlist to the ‘Linked’ series here.It contains all the songs being sent back and forth between Yoongi and the reader and some more fitting the series’ theme.

Take care and have a great day! ☺️💖

The GIFs used are NOT mine. Credit goes to the initial creators. Thank you for your hard work and dedication.

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kman1902 · 6 years

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Bits and things about movies and TV shows in 2018

It is a rather similar post to what I have done back in 2016, and I thought it would be a great way how to re-start /for at least a fifth time/ to write and share some stories of life, movies and some other things as well. Movies and TV series have always been something that I enjoy watching. I love it for many reasons, starting with the fact that you can see a form of art displayed on the screen. Imagine how many people it took to put the whole thing together. Actors, directors, designers (costume and set), producers, editors, sound engineers and way more. Movies and TV shows in a way also provide a great escape for those who need it. You can let your imagination flow with the movie and explore something above your own life. Movies and TV shows can also change our perception of life. I am not saying it alters your life completely, but I do believe that a great idea caught in a movie can be taken home with you and it shifts your understanding at least a little bit.

This is not a list of the TOP 10 movies, created by the academy or a scientifically proven list, this is just me as a friend and a lover of the arts sharing my own favourite movies and TV shows of 2018. A fair warning ahead, these are not just movies and TV shows released in 2018, but I have included older ones, which I have seen and enjoyed in the past year. I have been nice and I linked all the titles with the IMDb pages as well. /Enough blah, blah and lets start!/

The Voices (2014) - /Told you that I ain't sharing just 2018 love affairs/ This one definitely has flown under the radar by many. Ryan Reynolds is in it, so do you need any other reason, why not to watch it? It is a very psychedelic thriller comedy. It definitely made me a bit sad the next day /and slightly relieved/ that I can not understand what my animals are trying to say.

Black Panther (2018) - Of course this is on my list, not just because I am a huge fan of the Marvel cinematic universe, but also because this raised a new bar for superhero story telling. I know that a lot of people did not like the movie, it was not their taste. That is totally fine, cause we are so different, with so many opinions. But for me the movie felt great because it was engaging both on the action, I loved the story how Black Panther came to be and it was filled with color. Also in my opinion the African style was very nicely added within the clothes and each tribes specific culture. Additional reason why it is one of my 2018 favourites is also due to what it did on a social level. If you have no idea, what I am talking about, check this article. Wakanda forever!

The Office (2005–2013) - As I had no job for a month and a half, between writing job applications and sleeping /officially we stick with this story/, this was what I devoted my whole attention to. For sure this is not everyones cup of tea, but as a person who quit working in a big corporation I could relate to a lot of things within the show. Also I started daydreaming of having a similar love story as Jim Halpert and Pam, but more in reality I was driving towards being Stanley or even Creed. Not sure what I am talking about, again? Just check out the show. The jokes are still very relevant and the corporate environment is still the same.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - /Give them all the Oscars/ A second of many entries from the Marvel universe. Not everyone likes superhero movies, but for those who do, I think this one is one of the top ones. The sheer pressure throughout the movie and the rather dark ending of it brought many people to shed a tear. /Me included/ What in general I love about superhero movies lately is the fact, that it is not all fun and games, and being the best. It is portrayed as a challenge that actually in the end destroys you. Speaking in philosophical terms, it is the same as being nice and open to everyone in these days. Sooner or later you will burn out for the sake of others. Back to the movie, it is also amazing that they managed to connect so many characters together and bring a good story with them all. Marvel has definitely worked this out, and the result of Captain America: Civil War already showed it.

Lady Bird (2017) - Yes, standing next to superheroes there is also this film. The simple question - do you remember how you felt when you were seventeen? When I look back at things now, sometimes I would give everything to be seventeen again. Take away the responsibilities and everything, but then I also remember that even back then the world felt a bit too big to handle. Most of us have managed to step away from the idea that we need to please everyone, but still we do like the idea that people like us. Remember how it was back then?

The End of the F***ing World - There are many opinions about this TV show, from people saying that it is awesome, to people saying that they don't get why others waste time on it. I loved it. It is best if you check out the trailer and give it a try. Maybe it connects to people on a personal level and it drives them to watch it, maybe that is also the reason for such divided opinions.

The Magicians - I have not seen Harry Potter /for shame... I know... how can I even exist/ but I think this would be something a HP fan would love as well as anyone else. The premise is simple - what would you do if you would find out that magic is real? I watched the first season with a buddy in 2017 and then I binged watched the second and third once I moved back home. It is a crazy story that can also drive the question in your mind - what would do if you would find out magic exists? Watch the first trailer here and do the goddamn magic! P.S. Hurry up season 4 is just around the corner.

The Orville - I owe a lot to my buddy Marian for sharing this with me. This show definitely receives a gold medal from my side. It is funny, engaging and it talks about so many social questions and issues all at once. In our society I would expect we would be more advance and wiser, but there are still so many instances of racism and homophobia around us. This show tackles these serious notions and others perfectly. Of course in reality most probably if we would meet alien species at first it would be bombarding them and asking questions later, but just think how our belief and general acceptance would change if we would live and work side by side with aliens from many different planets. There is more to life than just black and white, and it is my belief that we should be advancing to a more open, understanding and diverse society. Second season is out now and so far it is as amazing as the first one.

Papillon (2017) - The story plot I think is not heard for the first time. A wrongly accused man gets imprisoned and forms a friendship with someone. But the story develops and takes you along with it. The sad reality is that quite a lot of people have faced it back in the day and in some countries they face it still.

A Prayer Before Dawn (2017) - The plot of the movie is based on a real life story of an English fighter who is imprisoned in Thailand. It is not an easy afternoon movie to watch, it is actually rather hard to digest, because of the simple notion that it is true. I can only be surprised how in reality the main character has survived it all and how he now works with prisoners and tries to help them.

Origin - This was such a damn surprise. Started it at the end of the year and binged watched it until the end, after coming back home from a New Years party on the 1st of January. It is a thriller horror mashup. The idea of moving away from direct jump scare and gory horror is something that I love, and this show delivered on it. Being a suspense play between hunting an alien on a spaceship, surviving and dealing with their own pasts, the survivors on the ship portray brilliantly how people in stressful situations change. The horror genre is not for everyone, but seeing that this is not the standard horror flick with gore added, I can only recommend it.

A Quiet Place (2018) - I started 2019 by really jumping into scary (or I would much rather call them thriller) movies. In a way, I blame Origin for that, because it filled me with adrenaline and I needed more suspense, and boy o boy, did A Quiet Place deliver on it. John Krasinski has directed a great movie, playing in it with sounds and sign language, adding suspense as the movie develops. It is called one of the best movies of 2018 and there is a good reason for that. I did not like the ending of the movie, but that is something you can check out and share your opinion about.

Aquaman (2018) - Yes, I am ending the list with a superhero movie. I just will come out and say it - I loved Aquaman! I am still so hyped about it, that I am even going to take my sisters kids to see it. The DC universe has been in the shadows ever since Batman v Superman (I am on of the few people who loved it), better let's stay away from Suicide Squad because it was a pure disappointment. Justice League was ok, but in all honesty I forgot I have seen it. But Aquaman... oh Jason Momoa, hats off for bringing the character that has been a bit of a joke between the comic fans on the first spot. The visual effects, the action, the story. It was all really well combined. I do hope that Warner Brothers and DC take this into account and they maybe find their vibe in creating good movies. I still don't get it, why did they get so afraid when people said that Batman v Superman was so dark.

Honorable mentions:

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) - Perfectly stands next to Avengers: Infinity War and tries not to compete with it.

Venom (2018) - Not sure why people did not like this one.

Deadpool 2 (2018) - It is Deadpool... how can you not love Deadpool?

The Terror (2018) - Literally a chilling TV show thriller.

Bird Box (2018) - The hype is very real and deserved.

Outlaw King (2018) - Netflix definitely has the power to create great movies (most of the time)

Darkest Hour (2018) - As it turns out Mr. Churchill in real life was not such a nice guy, but Gary Oldmans performance of the character was amazing.

Altered Carbon (2018) - I like Sci-Fi and in particular I liked Blade Runner 2049, and this gave me a similar feeling to it.

Brawl in Cell Block 99 (2017) - I did not know Vince Vaughn could play such a strong and steady character. This movie reminded me Shot Caller which in a similar way undeservedly flew by people.

I did not get it:

The Predator (2018) - They had such an amazing material (first two movies in particular) to work with, but they created such a dud.

Bright (2017) - I miss the days when Will Smith was in good movies.

Skyscraper (2018) - I know that The Rock can do way better movies. Just look at The Rundown (2003).

Daddys Home 2 (2017), Tag (2018) and Night School (2018) - Comedy movies in general are facing a hard time, it could be because most of the jokes have already been said and also because it is hard to connect with a slightly older audience. /Yes, yes 27 is not that old, but it is not that young as well either/ I think comedy movies should stop dumbing it down and maybe trying to find more intelligent and maybe sarcastic approach to jokes. Not saying that the movies are bad per say, but they are not impressive enough in a genre that deserves and needs impressive, good comedy movies.

Murder on the Orient Express (2017) - Tried to watch it at least three times and could not finish it.

This is for sure a view point of my own and I am not expecting that everyone would have the same opinion about the movies selected. Movies and TV shows are something to enjoy and entertain ourselves with. It is not just the story plot, the acting, it is also camera work and playing with words and in some cases even sounds. Spending their free time in front of the screen is not for everyone, but for me, I love a good movie and TV show, the same as I love reading a good book in the morning whilst going to work. 2019 will be an interesting year for movies and TV shows, as Marvel is releasing Captain Marvel, Avengers: End Game, there will be also many great shows returning like The Magicians, The Punisher, Vikings is now running as well, and of course Game of Thrones comes to an end.

Have I missed something watch worthy?

Let us hope for a headbanging and awesome 2019 inside and outside of the big screen!

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ciceroisthefamilycat · 3 years

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My Fiery Heart reread response (my Indigo Spell one here, my first-time Fiery Heart one here from 7.5 years ago)

before I get into it, I remembered looking up the Iolanthe coven name Sydney used; that wasn’t something I looked up until after reading it the first time though, so I didn’t realize the fairy court connection to Sydney recommending Zoe do her literature assignment on Midsummer Night’s Dream... I’m very certain it was an intentional reference to that opera now (even though the purple flower meaning was enough on its own)... if they get around to adapting this one, I half want to see Amberwood Prep put on a production of MND where Jill is helping with the costumes and Zoe gets to play Titania or something; I never got around to reading Richard III (Zoe’s original pick) but it’s interesting that free will/fatalism is apparently a major theme, and that Richard contrived to have his brother Clarence sent to the Tower of London...

also, I’m not sure if I cared about “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane all those years ago, but I got a thrill seeing it referenced this go around.

we get the first namedrop for Cicero (though we had heard about his propensity for killing birds and some other mention in the earlier BL books ETA, 7/19: “My family had a cat back in Utah that I was pretty sure was more responsible than Angeline” pg 31 TGL

Anyway, gosh Sydney makes bad decisions in this one. And it’s not because she has too much to do- she has no real outside strenuous challenges to protecting Jill or her group this go around. The friend group actually had to decide “yeah let’s go hunt down a Strigoi in LA” for there to be a major action scene. I realize she’s in her late teens and the burdens put on her are unfair, but she’s a great example of someone who thrives under pressure and falls apart when she’s given too much free time.

The switch to dual narrators was unnecessary. It wasn’t bad, but it was clearly only to set up for the big cliffhanger at the end, and so feels a bit pointless in this one. Btw, Rose didn’t lose her spirit link into Lissa’s mind after Lissa went on antidepressants. Now admittedly, the chemicals in Adrian’s mood stabilizers would have probably worked differently, or maybe Richelle was trying to retroactively make things more consistent (since alcohol could affect the bond), or maybe it was “Adrian and Jill’s bond is less established, so Jill can’t break through like Rose could”... but the sudden decision mid book (with no repercussions- Adrian doesn’t even bring it up to Sydney to be like “hey, one of your main concerns about having sex is taken care of”) is so pointless and really goes to the minimal page-time of the larger ensemble. I said it the first time I read the book, the absence of Kristin and Julia, and Micah, and even more important characters like Angeline or Trey is so frustrating. I realize Richelle couldn’t write a book that was 900 pages long, but I would have gladly taken any of those characters instead of the completely unnecessary Terwilliger/Malachi romance. Especially to see Jill’s reaction to getting to be a more typical high school human, since I think she would have gotten even more attached to Amberwood than Sydney did. I also just... really, the Alchemists decided to have Sydney’s bio sister on campus... pretending to be a cousin... while she was playing sister to Jill? I get they kind of backed themselves into a corner, but weird. That being said, I was happy to have Rowena and Cassie around. (give me Adrian and Rowena being wlw besties excellence to make me really happy)

Sydney’s coven initiation taking place in chapter 2, then she meets Inez (who gives her the books on charms)... and we never see a witch other than Jackie again in this book? Honestly, why bother with writing the initiation at that rate? I still like the cloak they made Sydney though. On reread, there’s the randomest bit where Trey’s like “is Neil even really British” and I wonder if that was a dropped storyline where Neil was faking. Olive and Nina are still pleasant characters, and I liked that they had a “unique” background, but knowing how those stories end was kind of a buzzkill on reread. Olive, especially, deserved better.

This is another one where I forgot quite a few events- Adrian getting drunk and the pawnshop (I think I remembered that obliquely, but not so much on it), or the trip to Texas (which actually came before the pawnshop but oh well). I was happy to finally get some actual Christian content again, although I regret we didn’t get more from Sydney & Rose or more Sydney & Lissa. On Adrian’s mental health storyline... I am less impressed by it than I was the first time (though I didn’t remember being super-impressed, but according to my first review?). I do actually like Adrian being insistent, once he’s started taking meds, that he’s going to continue, but the diagnosis of bipolar disorder doesn’t actually feel like it fits? I will say, I find Adrian’s “chicken or egg” pondering over whether spirit causes mental illness or mental illness means a predisposition to specializing in spirit is fascinating (though it’s probably for the best Richelle never actually answered it).

The way Adrian spoke (or thought) about Zoe really pissed me off. Like, one, you’re an adult, stop antagonizing the sister of the girl you like and just be cordial (which is less suspicious than suddenly acting like you and Sydney don’t get along at all), and two... Adrian’s super protective over Sydney after realizing the emotional abuse Jared heaped on, but somehow doesn’t realize that this fifteen year old has been spending time with said father’s attention solely focused on her for ages now, and he has no sympathy for her? Instead of seeing Zoe being like “Sydney shouldn’t have to provide for you all the time” and being like “aww, that’s a nice protective sister instinct even if she needs an attitude adjustment” he taunts a 15 year old about drinking from her the way he did to 20-something actual-predator Keith. He could have engaged yet another Sage sister in talking about his awesome car on the drive over, or at least made other good faith efforts.

The dabbling stuff made me more uncomfortable this time around (I think). Especially Sydney comparing her getting Keith’s eye ripped out to Adrian’s assault of a human girl... that was some real false equivalency on Richelle’s part. But other parts of it, like “oh here comes Adrian to save the day and at least he’s changed from these guys he used to hang out with (oh, look at that convenient statement that even back in the day Adrian wasn’t on the same level of bad as them)” was really frustrating, or the fact that Adrian was very deliberately withholding information from her in his own chapters and it made me question his trustworthiness in her chapters. Or the “oh, hey, he made the concession of getting treatment for his mental illness, so all is forgiven” handwaving. Like, Richelle brought this in to be an obstacle to their relationship, but it’s addressed so quickly (with maybe a pittance effort of later being like “oh, at least Adrian didn’t take advantage when Sydney accidentally absorbed some Moroi endorphins- he learned his lessons!) that it doesn’t merit the actual consideration of so important a topic Idk. I do feel like I enjoy the Sydrian relationship more in this book than the others, but I also have some huge issues with it.

Adaptation-wise, I think genderbent Adrian would definitely mean a change to the dabbling storyline (yes, women can be sexual predators, but I don’t think this storyline would be maintained with different social expectations). Honestly, give me an Adrian who, instead of having victimized someone, doesn’t immediately fully grasp how upsetting this idea of vampires preying on her species (and risking exposure) is to Sydney... Adrian being like “it isn’t sexual, those guys would never consider sleeping with a human” but the consent even to give blood still being critical to Sydney. And you know what? Let Lissa “compelled a guy to almost hit himself over the head with a baseball bat for molesting a Feeder” Dragomir have a spirit freak out moment of rage and go off on these subjects of hers the way that was deserved (and then once she cools down, maybe she can’t punish them fully, but she uses it to leverage their royal families’ agreement to the Family Rule amendment). And just finish that law by the end of the season, so that when the Alchemists pull out Sydney and Zoe, they’re actually closing down the whole Palm Springs operation in a rage. (if I remember correctly Alicia kidnapped Jill between books 5 and 6, but that was a stupid plotline imo- let Sydney and her coven take care of Alicia in the downtime of this book instead) Let Rose figure out that Sydney and Adrian are in love- she’s smart and she would pick up on that; let her celebrate them and encourage them to be happy together. Also the “Sydney and Adrian get three days at an inn to sex it all up” was stupid... like I’m happy for them but am I really supposed to buy that they could afford all that time away from Palm Springs?

As bad as I feel for Syd, and Adrian, and Eddie, and Jill, and Jackie at the end of TFH, I do remember that I’m going to feel worst for Hopper. I’m sorry that demon dragon Calistana has my heart and I remember one scene from Silver Shadows featuring the little guy prominently...

#I'm a VA girl

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ardentlyjae · 7 years

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Glass - 1

Pairing: Namjoon/Reader (Feat. Jinyoung of GOT7)

Genre: Angst, Cinderella!AU, Instructor!Namjoon

Rating: M

Word Count: 7,865

Summary:

Life in the castle was different from what you had expected it to be and you haven’t seen Prince Jinyoung since the day you were brought to the castle. Though you were no longer cooking breakfast and doing chores at your stepmother’s bidding, the castle comes with its own set of rules and schedules that you have a hard time adjusting to. It seems that everyone in the castle looks upon you with disdain and you wonder whether you’ll be able to find a friend within in its walls as you wait for any chance to spend some time with Prince Jinyoung.

Author’s Note: I wanted to have this out in time for Namjoon’s birthday but obviously that didn’t work out. However, I’m still really looking forward to this fic! This first part is when Namjoon finally comes in and life in the castle will actually begin.

Prologue

The first thing you heard in the morning was the sound of curtains being thrown open rather harshly. The sunlight immediately filled the room in a blinding white light at a time much too early for a normal human being to be up. You groaned loudly, sitting up and rubbing your eyes slowly as someone began lecturing you on the proper time and etiquette to wake up. Even the way that you slept was now being policed and you hated it. Your stepmother’s lectures were simply annoying and you definitely did not want to listen to them before you were even capable of even the most minimal social interaction.

Yawning softly, you opened your eyes and were immediately reminded of the events of the past few days. When you looked around the room, that was when you realized that you were not, in fact, in the attic of Evangeline’s house but rather in a much larger, much more luxurious room with painted blue walls and gold ornate detailing. On the ceiling was a large, beautiful, gold chandelier that was in the process of being lit by one of the servants. On the other side of the room, just opposite of your bed was a grand fireplace giving out a few small flickers as the fire that had kept you warm at night died out. The room was much more luxurious than anything that you had ever experienced and for a second you forgot that the room was yours and that now everything that you had in your possession was stored in the elaborate furniture scattered about the walls.

Coming back down to earth, you remembered the lecture you were currently receiving and turned to look at Madame Sun who was the source of your morning disturbance. She was a thin woman with many years working for the royal family, having raised the prince from the day he was born and still continuing to make sure he kept up with his duties. Madame Sun was also the woman that had been placed in charge of you, tasked with “turning you into a real princess” as the King had put it when you met him the first day in the castle.

Madame Sun was glaring at you with a hand on her hip as she looked at you disapprovingly. It was clear to you that she didn’t like you very much though you weren’t completely sure on why that was the case. She had not treated you nicely since the day you had been introduced and you were completely baffled by how kindly she doted on Prince Jinyoung. The contrast between her treatment of the two of you left a bitter taste in your mouth, one that was sure not to go away as long as she was in charge of making you into a princess. For whatever reason, you were going to spend more time with her than you would with other people – a fact that the two of you would just have to make peace with. Maybe during this long period of time, you’d be able to find out the cause of her distaste.

“Today is your first day of lessons Miss Y/N and I hope you take these very seriously,” Madame Sun began. “You are to be a lady, even behind closed doors and even when you think no one is watching. Judging by your…humble…origins, you clearly need to learn a lot before you can be introduced to the kingdom as His Highness’ fiancée.”

You nodded in feigned understanding, praying that Madame Sun did not need to add anything else, only to be met with disappointment right after.

“Everyday you will wake up at promptly seven in the morning by either me or one of the servants; you will then be served breakfast in your room and I will observe your table manners. After you are dressed, you will be escorted by myself to the castle library where you will meet with Sir Namhyun who will provide you with history and language lessons, depending on the day,” Madame Sun explained. “Then you will be taken to lunch and afterwards I will train you on all of the fine arts in order to turn you into a more refined young lady until it is time for dinner. After dinner you will take a bath and then go directly to sleep. This will be your schedule until I find that you are worthy of marrying Prince Jinyoung. You cannot make any changes and you cannot take any days off.” “Isn’t this schedule too demanding?” You asked, surprised at her quick rundown of what was to be your life for the next few months. “You cleaned and cooked all day for that woman and her two daughters, but now learning is too hard for you? You might be hopeless after all,” Madame Sun sneered.

After a loud huff from her, Madame Sun gave you a disapproving look and you grimaced in return. Her low opinion of you would surely be one of the many factors working against you in the castle, and you were certain that it would not be the only one. After all, you were set to become engaged to one of the most handsome princes in all of the neighboring kingdoms. Surely the other royal families would not be pleased at the revelation that the world’s most eligible bachelor was no longer on the market and even fewer would be happy to find out that he had become engaged to a commoner of all people rather than a princess from another kingdom.

While the kingdom did know that Prince Jinyoung had now found himself a future bride, you were being kept hidden until the King deemed you worthy of being presented to the public. It was unheard of that a commoner would marry a prince and due to that simple fact, the royal family needed to make sure that the commoner chosen excelled in every subject and art and was even more accomplished than every other woman in the surrounding kingdoms. If this was not the case, other members of the aristocracy and other royal families were sure to criticize the King for making such a rash decision. This had been explained to you during your brief conversation with the King as he had to make sure you knew just what you were getting yourself into if you decided to marry the Prince. Knowing these very things, you felt the heavy pressure of what being a princess would entail.

Madame Sun snapped her fingers and motioned for you to get out of bed, something that you begrudgingly followed. For now at least, you’d listen to her orders and make sure to prove her wrong. At the end of the day, you were engaged to Prince Jinyoung and he himself had chosen you to be his bride. There could be nothing that Madame Sun would be able to say about that. If becoming the perfect little princess was what you had to do to marry Prince Jinyoung and keep you away from Evangeline, then you’d do it even if you had to suffer a bit.

After breakfast, which involved Madame Sun slapping your hand every single time you chose the wrong cutlery, you were surrounded by two castle maids who had been tasked with serving you and, you guessed, keep watch on you when not in Madame Sun’s presence. They pulled out a pale pink dress from the immaculate wardrobe in your room that had heavy ornamentation and you gasped at the luxurious item. You gasped again when you saw the corset that you’d be forced to wear, just like the rest of the royal and aristocratic women did, and dreading what you considered to be one of the most backwards fashion items available. The women’s unnaturally small waists always seemed to make you feel uncomfortable and you only shuddered at the thought that you’d be one of them now as well.

The maids did not bother to treat you gently, tightening the corset around you as much as possible so that you lost all circulation to your brain. You could immediately feel the difference in your breathing, your much shallower breaths becoming more and more frequent with each pull of the corset’s strings but once again, you reminded yourself that this was a much better alternative to Evangeline’s chores and conniving cruelty. You were going to be a princess and that meant you needed to grow accustomed to the corsets. At least the corsets meant that you’d always have a roof over your head and a plate of food in front of you. Once it was done being fastened and your circulation was very much cut off, the maids helped you put on your dress and you couldn’t help but relish the way that the lace and silk felt against your body. Just the feeling of the material on your skin made up for the ridiculous corset that you wore underneath.

Madame Sun returned a few minutes after the maids left, only examining your appearance without making a single indication of what she was thinking, and then motioned for you to follow her. She walked quickly down the hall, forcing you to half-run just to keep up with her – a task that proved to be exceedingly difficult in the corset. She made a few turns and you knew that you’d likely get lost in the castle if you attempted to navigate it yourself, a thought that was a slight hit to your pride as you considered yourself to be rather adept at many tasks. After what seemed like an eternity of walking, she stopped in front of a large set of double doors that stood at the end of a long hallway.

She pushed the doors open, allowing you to step into what was soon revealed as the castle’s library. The room had a large glass skylight, allowing the entire room to be filled with natural light from the outside. The walls were all lined with bookshelves reaching the ceiling and plenty of staircases and pathways along the wall to reach those books at the top. You couldn’t help but marvel at the impressive room, wondering if there was someone in the castle who had actually read all of the books. Various ornate tables filled the room as well, with the large one in the center occupied by a heavy-set man who was currently writing something down in a large notebook.

“Sir Namhyun,” Madame Sun said, in the same polite voice she seemed to use with everyone that was not you. The large man stopped what he was doing, turning around and revealing a red, sweaty face. He used a handkerchief to dab and his forehead before responding, “Madame Sun! I take it this is the young girl who has stolen His Highness’ heart?” You turned to look at Madame Sun, whose face was unreadable. “Yes this is she. Y/N, introduce yourself.”

Attempting the best curtsy you could manage in the corset, the ending result was a poor attempt which only caused the man, whom you now knew as Sir Namhyun to laugh loudly. You felt embarrassed, refusing to look at Madame Sun who would surely hold this over your head until you perfected it.

“I will come back after her lesson is done,” Madame Sun said. “She is yours now, Sir Namhyun.”

The old man gave Madame Sun a slight nod and turned to look at you, waiting until Madame Sun closed the door behind her to speak.

“So, Ms. Y/N, I am Sir Namhyun and that is what you will refer to me as. I will be in charge of your etiquette lessons and your history lessons, making sure that you do not end up being an embarrassment to the royal family,” he says, speaking slowly to make sure every single syllable was enunciated.

You nod in response, waiting for him to continue whatever it was that he was going to say before the lesson got under way. Instead, Sir Namhyun shook his head.

“When prompted, you must always respond with words Ms. Y/N. Words,” he answers. “I know a girl of your…upbringing…may not know everything about manners but surely you know that much at least.” “Yes Sir Namhyun,” you respond this time, making sure you used those words he was talking about. You didn’t need to give Madame Sun another excuse to treat you any more poorly than she already does.

Sir Namhyun seemed satisfied enough with your response, motioning to the chair across from his. You took that as your cue and walked slowly, sitting down in the ornate piece of furniture. In front of you sat an array of cutlery and plates, more than what was even used in Evangeline’s house, and looking at the entire setting terrified you.

You liked to think that you knew a bit about proper manners at the table, given that Evangeline liked to pretend that she was more than just a commoner and would fill up the house with every object that she deemed was something that a royal would own. This habit of hers had obviously extended into the kitchen and meal times, drilling everything that she knew about manners into her daughters, and you by extension. After all, she couldn’t have a stepdaughter that didn’t know the first thing about the differences between a dinner fork and a salad fork. Yet, sitting in front of Sir Namhyun you were doubting everything that you thought you knew. Sir Namhyun corrected every single one of your moves and you soon realized that even Evangeline didn’t have the manners that a royal was expected to have – that you were expected to have. You felt like an idiot, having Sir Namhyun condescendingly fix every move you made.

It was when you were in the middle of learning about all the different glasses in front of you that Sir Namhyun seemed to pause for a moment in the middle of his sentence. There was a choking sound right after and you looked up to see Sir Namhyun grabbing his chest while his face was twisted into one of pure agony. You froze, unable to think about what you should do for a few seconds. You watched as Sir Namhyun began to slide out of the chair, falling on the floor while still holding onto his chest.

You screamed “Sir Namhyun!” at the top of your lungs, lunging downward to see if you could help in any manner. His face was a deep shade of red and his face was contorted, showing everything that he was feeling. You had no idea what was going on, only that he had suddenly toppled over and you were sure that this was something quite serious indeed.

A servant who had happened to hear ran inside the library, her eyes going wide when she came across the scene. You yelled at her, telling her to bring in someone while you kneeled beside the old man. Your heart was racing and you were terrified at the thought that you had just witnessed someone die.

A few minutes later you saw Madame Sun bursting through the door with an unfamiliar man at her side. Her face was straight, giving no sign as to what she was thinking.

“Y/N move away from Sir Namhyun,” she ordered.

You followed her order without much thought, watching as the man who had accompanied her walked over to Sir Namhyun and crouched down beside him.

“Y/N, I am taking you back to your room. It is not a woman’s place to witness a man in this situation,” Madame Sun remarked, turning on her heel and walking back towards the entrance of the library.

You swallowed, for once being relieved to see her unpleasant face. A part of you was also relieved that whoever the servant girl was had managed to find Madame Sun so quickly. It was obvious now that Madame Sun was the true master of the castle, even if the King happened to live here as well. She held everything together on a tight string, making sure that nothing ever came out of order. Maybe that was why she didn’t seem to like you very much. You were a wildcard and she didn’t know whether you’d be able to conform to the lifestyle of the castle or whether you would rebel. Your mutual distaste of each other told her that it’d be much more likely that you’d rebel and that likely meant that you were on a short leash, never far from her eyesight so that you didn’t cause some sort of disturbance.

After leaving you inside your room, Madame Sun turned back around – likely going back to the library – and you were left to your own devices in the room. Your hands and the rest of your body was shaking as you tried to erase the thoughts of what you had just witnessed from your mind. You wished that there was at least a book for you to read but the room held nothing that could entertain you. The only form of entertainment that you had at your disposal was your imagination and you weren’t even sure if you could count on it very well. Your mind was too preoccupied with the day’s events and you’d likely just witness the same thing over and over again. So you went to your bed, hoping that maybe a nap would be an acceptable method to pass the time in the castle.

It was after dinner time, which was pleasantly devoid of Madame Sun’s presence that you finally saw the upright woman walk back into your room at her normal brisk pace. You had asked a servant to fetch you a book from the library, figuring that after a few hours they must have moved Sir Namhyun. Once you heard her steps stop in front of you, you looked up and were met with the same look of disdain that she had perfected to an art.

“Sir Namhyun has been seen by the castle doctor and he shall remain in bed while he recovers from his illness,” Madame Sun began. “It seems that he suffered a heart attack that has left him immobile for some time.” “Will he be okay?” you asked nervously.

It wasn’t that you particularly cared for Sir Namhyun’s health if you were being completely honest. You actually couldn’t help but wonder whether this may have been a sign that he needed to take better care of himself. It was simply the fact that as one of your instructors, you would have had to meet with him every single day as well and the thought that you had been present for his death would surely not have left you feeling okay.

“Yes,” Madame Sun said. “Within a few weeks or months, he will be sure to regain his full health.” “Wha- What about my lessons?” you asked quietly, knowing Madame Sun would have gotten to this topic sooner or later. “Your lessons will continue to take place everyday. His son, Namjoon, will be taking over for him until his father has fully recovered. Nothing will change except for your instructor,” She explained. “Namjoon? Does he not have a title?” You couldn’t help but ask. “He is to inherit his father’s title in the future, as for now, you can simply call him Namjoon and it will be acceptable,” Madame Sun answered. “For once, you asked a good question. Now, it is time for you to go to bed. A princess must always go to bed early so that she may be able to retain her youthful appearance and not look haggard.”

You were slightly disappointed at the fact that your lessons would continue as normal. You also slightly resented this Namjoon who you were sure was exactly like his father. So far it seemed like everyone in the castle treated you with the same amount of disdain as Madame Sun – even the servants, who often looked at you as if you were even below them. It would not surprise you at all if Namjoon turned out to be the exact same way as everyone else. In fact, he’d probably be worse. After all, this Namjoon was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had the luxury of never lacking anything – just like the rest of the nobles.

It seemed that only Prince Jinyoung enjoyed your presence and for that you were grateful. The only problem was that you hadn’t seen the prince once since the first day that you were taken to the castle. The only explanation that you ever received was that Prince Jinyoung was busy with affairs and matters of the royal family, being trained to be the future leader of the kingdom. You could hardly get mad at him for this, even if it meant that you’d barely be able to see your betrothed for the time being. Maybe once you were married and you were officially a princess the two of you would be able to spend more time together. After all, the King and Queen both slept in the same quarters. It would be like heaven to be able to sleep in Prince Jinyoung’s arms and you would only have to wait in excitement until that day came.

The next morning began the same way. Madame Sun had once again thrown open the curtains to your room, allowing the blinding sunlight to fill your room and force you awake. You were served your breakfast and you ate while being observed by the woman. After breakfast, you were once again forced into a corset that was pulled much too tight and a dress that seemed to weigh more than your entire wardrobe back at Evangeline’s house.

Madame Sun didn’t speak to you as she led you to the library, this time leaving you in front of the entrance rather than going inside. Though you were slightly bewildered at the difference, you didn’t question it and pushed open the door. Sitting at the same table that Sir Namhyun was waiting for you at the previous day, there was another man. He had his back to the door, but you could tell right away that he was thinner than Sir Namhyun. Though you could only see his back, you noticed that he had broad shoulders and that only made you more curious to see what he looked like from the front. As you walked toward him, you saw that he was reading a book and seemed to be so engrossed in it that he had yet to hear you walk inside.

Without knowing what else to do, you waved your hand in front of his face causing the young man to jump and stumble as he stood up.

“Ms. Y/N, I apologize for my behavior,” he said, flustered.

You nodded, not being able to stop a slight giggle that slipped past your lips. Maybe you had been wrong about Namjoon after all. He quickly straightened his outfit, a white shirt with a long brown overcoat on top. His trousers were also a deep shade of brown and you couldn’t help but gawk at the extreme color coordination that had been going on in his choice of wardrobe. When you looked at his face, you noticed that he had short brown hair and a pair of entrancing, full lips. All in all, you found him to be pretty attractive, though he definitely did not hold a candle to Prince Jinyoung in your eyes.

He motioned for you to sit down and you once again struggled to take a seat due to the corset. So far, it had been the thing that you were having the hardest time getting used to and you knew that you’d have to put up with it for the rest of your life now. So whether you liked it or not, you had to get used to moving around in it at all costs.

“I am Namjoon,” the young man began. “I’m stepping in for my father as he is…feeling under the weather.” “I was there when it happened,” you respond. “You don’t need to shield it from me.” Namjoon looked a bit flustered, but he recovered quite quickly, closing the book that had been sitting in front of him. “What book are you reading?” You asked, making an attempt at a conversation. Maybe if Namjoon did not turn out to be a prick, you’d have at least one more person on your side within the walls of the castle. “It’s just a book on philosophy. It’s probably much too complex for you,” Namjoon said with a soft laugh. “Anyway I thought that we’d do history today. I believe my father had gone over table placements yesterday with you, but I figured we could go back to it tomorrow.”

You couldn’t help but feel slightly offended at what Namjoon had implied. Though you had to admit that philosophy had never been a subject of interest for you, the tone in which Namjoon had said it had definitely rubbed you the wrong way. However, you bit your tongue knowing that you’d have to spend more time with Namjoon than with your missing fiancé. For better or worse you were stuck with Namjoon who likely thought you were dimmer than a pole and you weren’t sure how you felt about that.

“Okay so we will begin with the founding of the kingdom. Does that sound fine with you Ms. Y/N?” Namjoon said, clapping his hands together as he spoke with a slow voice. Once again, you were getting the feeling that he thought you were a complete idiot and once again you bit your tongue and smiled, using those words that his father seemed to be so fond of. “Of course. I look forward to learning all about our beautiful kingdom.”

Namjoon seemed pleased with your answer, grabbing another book that he had placed off to the side and pulling it forward. It was a ghastly looking thing. Its leather-bound cover very clearly had shown some wear and tear and its pages had become yellowed with time. Even when Namjoon held it in his hand you could see just how old the thick book really was. Namjoon even had to wipe off the dust from the cover before he could actually begin the lesson.

He also continued to talk slowly as he talked about the war that had unified your kingdom under one king, one of the great ancestors of the royal family. You wondered how someone could make a history lesson about war so dull, but somehow Namjoon had found a way. You sat across from him, watching as he checked you every few seconds or so to make sure that you were still following along. You wanted to so badly tell him that you had learned all about this from your father when he was still alive and you wanted to yell at him for treating you as if you had the same brain capacity as your stepsisters. Namjoon had seemed so shy when you first walked into the room, but now it seemed that even shy men could be complete and utter twats given the opportunity. Maybe Prince Jinyoung was the only non-twat man left in your kingdom and that only made you feel more relieved that you’d be the girl who had been fortunate enough to become his betrothed.

Once you finally had enough, you reached over to grab Namjoon’s wrist and caused him to snap his head up and look at you with wide eyes.

“Namjoon, though I understand that you’re taking a precaution,” you began. “I am not so dim that I would not understand if you sped up your speech. In fact, please talk at your normal pace before I lose my mind here.” You could see a bit of blush begin to creep up on Namjoon’s cheeks before he flashed you an apologetic smile, revealing for the first time that he had two very adorable dimples on either side of his face. “R-right, Ms. Y/N. I apologize.”

Afterwards, Namjoon began talking at a normal speed, no longer even bothering to look up to check to see if you were still following. When talking at his normal pace, the history lesson gradually began to get more interesting as Namjoon got more and more enthusiastic as time went on. You were grateful for the change and relieved that it didn’t seem like Namjoon was anything like what you had expected him to be. Hopefully he continued to treat you as a normal person instead of an absolute dunce, because that would make your daily lessons with him a much more pleasant experience.

It almost seemed that it was too soon when Madame Sun burst through the library doors, interrupting Namjoon midsentence before she ordered you to get up. Without so much of an acknowledgement of Namjoon once again, you gave him a quick goodbye and ran to catch up to Madame Sun who had already turned to walk out of the library. You couldn’t help but wonder on your way out about the difference in how she treated Namjoon versus how she treated his father. Madame Sun only continued to leave you bewildered with her behavior and you made a mental note to ask Namjoon about it the next day. If anyone knew about the castle and what happened inside its walls that would be willing to tell you, it would be Namjoon. He only needed to warm up to you first, but you believed that you’d be able to do it. You wanted a friend in the castle anyway, what better person to pick than the one who was already giving you lessons and was trusted enough by Madame Sun to leave you in a room without a chaperone?

As you rounded a corner, Madame Sun began to speak once again.

“You will be meeting with Prince Jinyoung now,” she said simply. You quickly looked up, your heart suddenly swelling with elation at the thought of being with Prince Jinyoung once again. “Really?” “Yes, I will be taking you to the Prince’s chambers now so that the two of you may spend some time together. After all, the two of you are to be wed soon,” Madame Sun answered you.

You didn’t respond, letting the excitement of finally seeing the prince again completely overcome you. Any thoughts of Namjoon as your potential friend erased from your mind, quickly replaced by only memories of Prince Jinyoung’s smile and the way it felt to be held in his arms. Madame Sun led you deeper into the castle than you had previously been in and you continued to gaze in wonderment at the more elaborate decorative pieces that lined the halls the further down you walked. There were portraits of each member of the royal family, beginning with the first king all the way down the line. You expected to see a portrait of Prince Jinyoung towards the end and part of you couldn’t wait to see how his handsome face would look on canvas.

Within just a few minutes you were greeted to that very same portrait that you had just imagined and you couldn’t help but pause for a few minutes and admire the painting. Whoever the artist was, he had captured all of Prince Jinyoung’s features perfectly and though you were minutes from seeing the subject of the painting in person, the portrait seemed absolutely stunning to you as well.

“Y/N! It is not characteristic of the future princess to keep her beloved waiting,” Madame Sun scolded, standing a few feet away from you.

You nodded, turning and half-running to catch up to Madame Sun who had begun walking once again. She led you up a flight of stairs and you were beginning to get dismayed as you realized how far Prince Jinyoung’s quarters actually were from your own. The two of you were staying in completely different wings and floors of the castle and the only thing it did was force you to realize the huge distance that you’d have to trek in order to spend a lifetime with the prince.

Eventually you reached a large set of double doors where Madame Sun left you. You figured that you’d be the one to open the doors yourself and so you stood outside and took a few deep breaths in order to calm down your nerves.

Prince Jinyoung’s room was much more ornate than your own. Decorated in white with gold trimmings, the room seemed to reflect light off of every surface. There was an enormous bed that took up the space against one of the walls and another large armoire that took up the corner of another room. You were busy marveling at the entire room that you almost missed Prince Jinyoung sitting on the chaise lounge placed right in front of his bed. Beside him lay his sabre in its holster and it seemed like he had just gotten back from some sort of training. He was in one of his non-formal outfits which still seemed to exude the elegance and grace that he possessed. He greeted you with a soft smile, standing up and stretching out his arms.

You ran towards him, wrapping your own arms around his waist while he held you against his chest. Being in his arms, you were immediately put at ease. Witnessing a man have a heart attack and being treated poorly by Madame Sun were a thing of the past because now you were being held by your future husband. A man that you were sure you loved with your entire being and who you would soon be married to.

“My princess, I missed you so much,” Prince Jinyoung said. “You must think me a terrible fiancé to not be able to see you often.” You inhaled his scent, which smelled of grass and mint and looked up at him. “It’s okay. I understand your Highness.” “How is it that you look even more beautiful now than you did the night of the ball? You were made to wear all of these fine garments,” he whispered, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “Your highness,” you whispered, looking up at him and becoming completely entranced by the soft look in his eyes. “You truly are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” Prince Jinyoung spoke again. “I can’t believe I get to spend my life with someone whose beauty rivals that of the sun.” “Your highness, your compliments are too much for me,” you responded, laughing in embarrassment. “I’m sure that I’m not deserving of all of them.” “Nonsense. You deserve these and more.” Prince Jinyoung placed a kiss on your lips. “I knew I was in love with you from the first moment that I laid eyes on you. I told my father that you would be the girl that I’d marry that very same night.”

Prince Jinyoung’s sweet words only served to make you fall even more deeply in love with him and fall even deeper under the spell that he had cast on you. His words were enchanting to say the least, bewitching your heart and your mind to the point that you’d do anything to make him happy. And that was basically what your role as princess was wasn’t it? Madame Sun hadn’t mentioned anything in specific as to what you needed to do when you first met her, only specifying that you needed to provide an heir to the throne when Prince Jinyoung eventually became the king. Besides, you didn’t mind that much if you only needed to keep him happy. It was a much better deal than remaining with Evangeline and you’d gladly take anything over returning with that ghastly woman.

His hands began to caress the sides of your body, dropping lower and lower until they eventually settled on your waist. He gave you another kiss, one that was much deeper than the previous ones and also seemed a lot more heated. You could feel his kiss send shivers down your spine, feeling the hand that the prince had moved around your waist begin to play with the back of your dress.

Then his lips broke away from your own, leaving a trail of small pecks all the way down to your neck where he began to place even more kisses. With the passing of each second, his kisses began to get rougher and he began to suck harder, causing a moan to slip past your lips due to your surprise. This only seemed to fuel Prince Jinyoung’s drive as his hands began to dig into your hips through your dress and his sucking became harder and harder. It was a strange sensation to you as no man had ever touched you this way. Prince Jinyoung had been the first man that you had been alone with besides your father and Sir Namhyun and his son. It was not proper for a lady to be alone with a man, especially when something such as this could occur. But if it was someone you were set to marry, would it be alright?

There were plenty of stories of girls who had slept with men before they were married around the town. They were all heavily frowned upon and if a girl was rumored to have had indecent relations with an unmarried partner, she was always disowned by her family. Those girls always ended up in what people called the Pleasure Houses, to service knights and other traveling men around the kingdom. It was a terrifying thought that it could happen to a girl and it frightened you even more to think that it could happen to you if you didn’t play your cards right.

You realized soon after what was going on and what Prince Jinyoung was trying to do. Placing your hands on his chest, you lightly pushed but his grip on you was much stronger and he continued to place his deep, strong kisses on your neck.

“Prince Jinyoung,” you gasped, feeling the sudden halt and a sudden grunt of frustration as Prince Jinyoung pulled away from you.

His lips were swollen from all of the kisses and his eyes were dilated due to his desire yet he still managed to look even more handsome than he had when you walked in.

“Your Highness,” you whispered, looking up at him cautiously. “Are you sure that we should be doing this? We are not married yet and it might create trouble for you.” Prince Jinyoung looked down at you, placing a soft kiss on your lips. “Madame Sun brought you to me because I asked. If she had any problem with it she would not have delivered you to me,” he explained. You were still hesitant, preventing you from fully enjoying the feeling of the Prince’s lips on your own. “Are you sure that she will allow you- I mean us to do this?” “Y/N, my love, I am the prince of this kingdom. Even if Madame Sun has a problem with this – which she does not – as the prince, she is prohibited from telling me what I can and cannot do. I love you and I want to have you in every way,” Prince Jinyoung explained. “As long as you are my betrothed I promise that nothing bad will ever occur to you.”

Prince Jinyoung raised one of his hands to take your chin in between two of his fingers. With a small smile on his face, he leaned down to place another kiss on your lips causing your knees to buckle. With his arm around you, he managed to keep you up and pull you closer to him.

“Y/N,” Prince Jinyoung said. “Don’t you love me too? Won’t you show me how much you are devoted to me?”

You couldn’t find the exact words you wanted to say, instead giving Prince Jinyoung a hesitant nod. It was true. You wanted Prince Jinyoung to see how much you loved him and how much you were ready to become his wife. After receiving your consent, he led you to his bed where he sat you down. His hands snaked their way to your back as he fiddled with the dress, eventually unbuttoning your dress rather quickly. He pulled on the corset roughly, unfastening the ugly thing at a quicker rate than your dress. At a pace much faster than you expected, you were left in your undergarments while Prince Jinyoung wore the majority of his clothes still. You hesitantly reached to take the hem of his shirt in your hand. Realizing what you were trying to do, Prince Jinyoung quickly took off his own shirt. You almost gasped when Prince Jinyoung’s slender body came to view, watching as the softly defined abs moved in tune with his breathing.

Prince Jinyoung reached over to you, softly pulling down the undergarment from your shoulders and letting the cool air hit your breasts. You couldn’t help but bring your hands up to cover yourself out of sheer embarrassment that this was your first time with another man in this way. Prince Jinyoung moved your hands away without a word, looking down at you and giving you a smile different from the others that he had ever given you. There was something unsettling about it, but you quickly pushed the thought away as Prince Jinyoung kissed you once again and pushed you down on your back.

Your heart was racing fast, still not fully in the belief that Prince Jinyoung was currently kissing your neck. Though he had told you that Madame Sun was completely fine with what was about to occur, you were still worried that word would get out and that you would be forced out of the castle. The thought of having to return to Evangeline terrified you, but at the same time another part of you told you that if Prince Jinyoung did not remain happy with you then you’d still be forced out. The only thing you really could do was trust your fiancé and believe that nothing would happen.

Prince Jinyoung removed your underwear rather quickly, so much so that you didn’t have a chance to cover yourself out of embarrassment once again. He was still planting a large amount of kisses on your neck while his hands pushed down his trousers.

You felt him line up at your entrance and right before he entered you couldn’t help but whisper, “Prince Jinyoung.” “What is it?” Prince Jinyoung asked, pulling away from your neck to look at you. “It’s just…I’ve never done anything like this before,” you whispered. “Don’t worry,” he said, placing another kiss on your lips in an attempt to calm your racing nerves.

Without asking if you were okay, Prince Jinyoung pushed himself in you. The first thing you felt was the stinging pain that you felt coming from your core. You gasped at the feeling, trying to keep the tears that were forming in your eyes inside.

“Your Highness, it hurts,” you whispered. He placed another kiss on your lips, “It always hurts the girl the first time it happens. Don’t worry about it.”

He moved himself deeper, not giving you time to adjust to the feeling of having him inside of you. The stinging sensation did not seem to go away, instead increasing as Prince Jinyoung began to thrust in and out of you. You wrapped your hands around his broad back and whimpered at the feeling of Prince Jinyoung moving in and out of you. With each movement, he would groan or let out another kind of noise as his breathing slowly got heavier and heavier.

You still felt the stinging pain but you refused to stop Prince Jinyoung, regardless of how much it hurt. His moans only told you that he liked what was happening and that was enough for you. You figured that it was because it was your first time and that’s why it hurt so much, choosing to trust in Prince Jinyoung’s words. As the two of you continued to do this in the future, it was sure to get pleasurable for you at some point. For now however, the pain that you felt as your fiancé thrust in and out of you was the only thing you felt.

Prince Jinyoung’s thrusts began to get faster and his breathing began to get more erratic and you realized that he was close to feeling his climax. His moans only seemed to get louder as his thrusts began to lose rhythm and you held on tighter to him as he suddenly let out a grunt and you felt him spill his seed inside of you. A part of you had to admit that you were happy that it was now over and the pain would go away soon, and you weren’t sure how you felt about that.

Prince Jinyoung moved his hair out his sweaty forehead looking at you with a distant look in his eye as he pulled out of you. Flipping onto his back beside you, he continued to stare up at the ceiling while he controlled his breathing. You pulled a cover from his bed over you, feeling your embarrassment once again to being naked beside him even though he had already seen every part of you.

After a few moments of silence, Prince Jinyoung got up and slipped on the clothes that he had discarded earlier. Without even turning to look at you, he gave you a wave and exited his room. A part of you couldn’t help but feel dejected as the door closed behind him, as you had expected him to spend the night with you. You let a tear fall down and you wondered if it was something you had done wrong.

Eventually Madame Sun walked back into the room, looking at you with almost a look of pity when she saw your red eyes that were fighting back tears. Wordlessly, she motioned for you to get out of the bed as she helped you get dressed. She didn’t force you back into the corset, but tightened up your dress back up and led you out of the room. You couldn’t help but search for Prince Jinyoung once you closed the door behind you, hoping that he would appear at any second but he was nowhere to be found.

The two of you walked slowly down the castle’s hallways. The only sound heard were the footsteps of Madame Sun and your own as you walked to back to your own room. The servants were already waiting to help you change into your nightgown and without a fight you allowed them to prepare you for bed. Once they all finished and left your room, you stared up at your ceiling and finally let the tears begin to flow out. A part of you still wished that Prince Jinyoung would come in and comfort you.

But he never showed up.

#kwriterskollection #bangtan bookclub #pocarmysunited #bts scenarios #bts angst #rap monster #rapmon #kim namjoon #namjoon #namjoon angst #namjoon scenarios #bts fics #bts

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ts-2020-olympics · 5 years

Text

RITES OF PASSAGE - PRE JURY

Some music to get in the mood, and let’s see the pre-jury rites of passage

youtube

honestly i just wanted to boost my days played and placement average but both of those are now shit

EVE

Connor, Unfortunately you were the first to go, We met briefly in the arena and you seemed like a great personality! Shame that you had to go so early because you were for sure one of the people I really wanted to get to know more through the game!!

KEVIN

the first returnee fallen and so soon :c i was really looking forward to getting to know you because some mutual friends had some good words to say about you but sadly we never got the chance!

SARAH

We didn't get a chance to talk much, but I'd hope we run into each other in a game in the future!

TOMMY

OMG I can't believe you went first after promising me you wouldn't go first. Dhjejdndjdhhdhdhdbdh You were someone I was hoping to play with after you hosted for me in HvV. It would have been great to actually play this season with you, hope you're doing good bud ❤️❤️❤️

EVE

Kathy, We never spoke but from what ive heard from others outside this game they where super upset when you got booted so early because you’re an icon!! Hopefully we can play together in another game some day!!

KEVIN

we never spoke but i loved your intro video, wish you lasted longer so we could’ve talked!

SARAH

You were on a badass tribe, I think we also missed each other in the hustle and bustle of the early rounds, but I'd definitely reach out if I see you around some future Tumblr games.

TOMMY

We never spoke but you had an interesting intro video!

EVE

Bailey, We never spoke and from as much as I can see you where inactive so :/

KEVIN

I didn’t get to speak to you either sadly :c

SARAH

Love, you left too soon. I wish you were by my side longer, I know you would've gotten far in the game, you are a competitive QUEEN in nature. Sister from another tribe, we shall meet again!

TOMMY

We never spoke either, but hope you had fun this season!

EVE

Will! The First OG Yujo to go!! You going so early was so heartbreaking because I felt like all 5 of the original Yujo tribe was very close, you just kinda went inactive :/

KEVIN

We never spoke either unfortunately :/

SARAH

Will we were on the OG Yujo tribe, I had so much fun doing that early challenge with you, making our chant and just shooting the shit while we prepped for the game. I hope you're doing ok, and I hope you come back for another game, because we made a good team.

TOMMY

We never spoke either, but also hope you had fun this season too!

I’m gonna sayyyy, “YES EVE!! Kill it baby!!!!”

EVE

Nik! Probably one of my faves from OG Yujo, I feel like you were the most robbed after watching your tribal back and wish you would’ve came back from the arena so we could’ve had more talks!! Wish you where here for the music video, They just couldn't handle the power of us together for it could they?

KEVIN

We had some interactions in the tribe chat which were fun, but your opinions could use a little work :P sucks you didn’t get to stay longer so I could change them hehe

SARAH

Also from my OG Yujo tribe. You were a pleasure to talk to, and I think you played the game well. Like many in our tribe you left too early, but you worked really well with everyone on the team. You were a genuine person and you were here to both fight and have fun.

TOMMY

It was so sad seeing someone that wanted to be here leave early! Personally I was shocked because I thought you would have done well due to how active you were in the one world chat. It seemed like you may have done well under different circumstances!

In terms of gameplay, I'm not the happiest. In terms of the drama and entertainment I caused, I couldn't be a prouder man. I came into this game guns blazing, not caring what people thought of me. If people were to gain one thing from me, it's that you go out on your own terms and create a legacy where you can come back. I will be returning, and it won't be pretty. I promise ya that.

EVE

Billy, We never really spoke to my knowledge, you where to me someone who I did want out fairly early tho, because you seemed to be someone who had a lot of say over what people did from an outside perspective. When you went I was a little shocked if im being honest.

KEVIN

oh billy, we never spoke one on one but I heard lots about you! you definitely made a mark on this season in the short time you were here.

SARAH

Billy, you played a damn good game. You played the challenges and went to tribals, and even when the pot was stirred up, you kept it fun. This was a good season and I'm sure I'll see you around some more games. Thank you for the spicy tribal sessions.

TOMMY

Despite leaving in the earlier rounds you were super memorable because of your big personality. Truly made things fun from watching yalls tribals, one of the bigger characters of the season!

EVE

Jacob! As far as i'm concerned we never spoke, but you did do 2 arenas and lasted 6 hours in a pressure cooker! So id like to say congrats to you for that! You did amazing for your time here and you should be proud of that!!

KEVIN

We, too, never got to speak but you fought hard in the arena to come back and its a shame you came up just short but i respect you and your determination!

SARAH

Sand, I'm glad I met you because you were super friendly and just generally nice to talk to outside of game shenanigans. Also I love that your name is sand.

TOMMY

You were a competitor I think you kinda got screwed by being voted out in the triple because I remember how well you did when we were in the arena together and seeing you vs. Nicole and Juls was wild. Good luck in future ORGs!

EVE

My heart, my soul, my everlasting woman…. Juls…. Seeing you go was so heart breaking I really was rooting for you in that pressure cooker, and wonder what the outcome of the game would’ve been like had you beaten Nicole and Jacob. It just seems like you’re always the Bridesmaid, never the bride :( But one day you will be the bride.

KEVIN

JULSSSS MY LOVE…. MY LOVE… MY HEART!!! You were so incredibly robbed and im so sorry i couldn’t do anything about it, you’re a beautiful person inside and out and i love you so much and we WILL get to actually PLAY a game together i promise you that!!! Imma just need some time after this one you know <3

SARAH

You know everyone thinks you left too soon. The main village chat is NOTHING without you, you were absolutely one of the most social queens on the village chat. I know I'll see you around again, thank you for bringing life into the daily group chats.

TOMMY

You are one of the sweetest if not the sweetest person I've ever met in an ORG, and super friendly and kind. You're in need of a second chance because I guarantee had you made the merge you would have done extremely well in this game, possibly even have won. I really hope I get the chance to watch you play another season!

EVE

Hi Ben! I dont believe we ever really spoke for the 23 days you where except week 7 when we where in the arena together and you bowed out, which i still think was a bad move because I never like to see anyone just give up. Hope you’re doing well tho hun!

KEVIN

ah Ben, another person i had no interactions with but you had a tough road to drive in this game from an outsiders perspective, you bowed out of the arena and for whatever reasons i hope you’re doing good!

SARAH

Ben we didn't honestly talk too much, so I never got a chance to really know you, but I'm thinking I'll see you around some future games here and there.

TOMMY

We had so many conversations this season even when I was on my OG tribe and I really think your a nice dude. It would be nice to talk with you once the season is over! :)

EVE

Beck…. Babe…. Listen….. I'm so sorry that I had to go against you and kinda throw your name out there, but it came from a place of I know how amazing of a player you where and If you would’ve made it to merge, you probably would’ve ran the game. I think overall for the time you where in the game, you did play a great one

KEVIN

BECK <3 you ugh you’re great an amazing individual…. But i know the dynamic was weird with juls and things got blurry, i wish you both could’ve survived unfortunately the game took a hard left and things went flying all over the place, i would’ve loved to play with you more investedly (if thats a word) but we didnt get the chance, next time <3

SARAH

Beck, I know you got turned on way too early, because you were so nice and you were a damn good team player. You made sure to do your absolute best in challenges and you were ALWAYS there for the team, which maybe went a little too unappreciated in the end.

TOMMY

AN ACTUAL KING! ❤️❤️❤️❤️😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😍 I MISS YOU SO SOOOO SOOOOOOOO MUCH. I can't believe you left me here after you promised me you would make the merge. I really loved getting to meet and know you as a person and out of everyone who went pre-jury you getting voted out hit the hardest, one of my closest allies and we became really good friends through out the game, hope we can stay in touch and you can show me some more dance moves!

Here's a song to tribute you king ❤️ https://youtu.be/0G3_kG5FFfQ

EVE

Hi Landen! So basically when you went was kind of where I started making all these plans to better myself in the game, finding out that you were making alliances and then telling me about them and then making them and purposefully not adding me into them, hearing from others how much you “Don’t trust me” and I guess in a sense you where right in not trusting me, because along with a few others I made sure everyone was going to vote you in the end of that week. I think you’re a great player though, congrats on being the last Pre Jour!

KEVIN

landen!! We hit it off fairly well, despite the whole me supposed to go home you get out of tribal kinda thing otherwise we bounced off each other well, unfortunately the 3-way tribal round things got hectic and took a turn for the worst, and i guess it was downhill after that, but you play hard and i respect the heck out of that, you DEFINITELY made me nervous in this game (in a good way) :D

SARAH

Landen, I think you are a cool person, although I think you went a little too hard on the dishonesty in the game. I hope you weren't too put off when people turned on you, because you were a very strong challenge competitor and you remained social and talkative with everyone. You were a true disaster prince, and you knew the game well!

TOMMY

You played super hard which I respect. You were bold and I think that made you a huge threat in this game and it would have been interesting to see how we interacted had we ever been on the same tribe and get to know each other. Good luck in your other ORGs!

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #notice

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ponyregrets · 7 years

Note

Is there a Bellamy pov for 'I frankly would've liked to stay'? Coz I really want to know what prompted them starting to make out, like, did Clarke say something? He made the move, but I can't read his side of things as well in this one so I'm mighty curious. I bet you'd come up with something amazing!

tbh the explanation is mostly “he wanted to make out with her” but you know

original fic here on AO3 and alt POV here!

The thing about Clarke is that she's like no one else Bellamy has ever had in his life. She likes him without any obligation to like him, and apparently with no misconceptions or ulterior motives. She enjoys spending time with him, doesn't get intimidated or annoyed by his moods, and seems to appreciate when he stands up to her, even when she's very determined to get her way.

She is, of course, also intelligent and beautiful and makes his whole chest feel warm, and he would like, very much, to figure out how to make it work with her. It being however far he can safely get on the sliding scale from friends to lovers. If all they ever are is good roommates who are fond of each other, he'll live, but he'd be much happier if he could at some point make out with her.

And he's pretty sure that should not, in any way, require his addressing the TV thing.

Honestly, nothing should require his addressing the the TV thing, because the TV thing is just not a big fucking deal. Every time he thinks about it, he tells himself that. Everyone else tells him that too, but they never make it sound believable. After all, it's hard to believe when every time someone finds out that he hasn't seen whatever thing he'd just love, and he says he's not interested, and it's always just--weird.

In some ways, it's become a test for him. He thought Miller would be a dick about it, but Miller just said, "Fuck, if you want to deprive yourself of cool shit, that's your call. You still play video games?" and that was it.

With Clarke, the biggest problem is that she makes him want to like the things she likes. He's at that stage of his crush where he wants to know everything about her, and she's the kind of person who likes having the TV on. And, from what he can tell, she has pretty good taste in her media.

So he starts asking about it slowly. If she has something he doesn't recognize on, he asks what it is, and she tells him, and that's about as far as he's gotten. Which is sad, and he's more than aware of it. But he'll come up with a second step, at some point. It really shouldn't be that awkward.

But he waits too long, so it is.

It's not strange for him to find her on the couch in her pajamas on a Saturday morning; when they first moved in together, she asked if he minded her hanging out in the living room with the TV on while he was around, and he said no, and she told him to just let him know if he ever wanted to watch something else.

Which, of course, he never has.

He goes into to the kitchen to pour himself a mug of coffee, leans against the counter to watch whatever is happening on the screen. It looks like fantasy, which isn't something he sees her watching a lot, and he takes a sip of his drink before he asks, "What are you watching?"

Instead of answering, she twists around to frown at him, which is not her usual reaction. "What do you mean, what am I watching?"

He frowns right back. "I'm not sure how that question could be clearer. You even repeated it."

"Fellowship of the Ring," she says, and he doesn't wince, but that explains that. "Extended edition."

He keeps his voice casual as he pushes off the counter to lean over her instead. "Oh yeah, they made a movie of that." Whoever's on the screen is short and kind of dirty, so he makes an educated guess. "Is that Frodo?"

"That's Gimli," she says, amused.

"Oh, yeah, that makes way more sense."

He pushes off the couch, and heads to the kitchen, thinking he's escaped from the awkwardness, but then he hears, "How have you not seen this? I know you have the books. I've seen the books on your shelves."

"I just never saw them," he finally says, knowing she's not going to let it go at that. He remembers when they came out, and it was all he heard about at school for weeks. He knows the guy who plays Legolas is, like, really dreamy, and that even jock kids liked the movies, which he told himself was a sign he wouldn't have.

But he really had wanted to see them. He'd done the math over and over, making sure he really couldn't afford it, and he really couldn't. So he didn't.

He hears the movie stop, and he doesn't let himself turn around. Not even when she says, "It really just started. You should watch with me." When he still doesn't respond, she adds, "Fellowship is definitely the best, but you can get mad about how they screwed up Faramir in Two Towers."

It's not what he was expecting her to say at all, and something in his chest relaxes. She doesn't think these movies are perfect. She's probably not even going to be offended if he complains about them. "They screwed up Faramir?"

There's a smug note in her voice that says she knows she's won. "Totally. Come on, Bellamy," she wheedles, for good measure. "I was in this fandom for a while. I can tell you all about the slash fanfic I read about Legolas and Gimli making out."

"I don't have to actually watch it for you to tell me about that," he points out, like he's not already a lost cause. She's never asked him to watch anything else before, and apparently he's not good at resisting her. "Isn't it like ten billion hours?"

"I'm sorry, did you suddenly grow a social life? Did you make plans for the weekend?"

He puts his coffee down on the table. "I need to get a book. So I can pretend I'm studying."

"Uh huh. I'll start it over."

He gets a book and sees that she's moved from the middle cushion to the left one, so he takes the right, leaving a good couple feet of space between them. The last time he watched a movie with someone, it was "watching a movie" as a clear and unmistakable excuse to make out. Which he's used to.

With Clarke, it's friendly. She puts her feet up on the coffee table and has her sketchpad in her lap, and aside from the anxious flutter in his chest, it feels like the kind of thing he could get used to. That he'd like to get used to. It would be nice, being good at watching movies with Clarke.

It still takes him a while to get there.

They blaze through The Lord of the Rings over the weekend, and it does go well. Bellamy has some trouble actually relaxing, but Clarke has a knack for putting him at ease. And she doesn't seem to care that he's not thrilled with the way they did Eowyn's storyline and thinks that a lot of the better speeches lost some of their impact going to screen. She has her own complaints, and there's plenty to like about the adaptation too.

It's fun, and he wants to be happy about it, but he can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Because this is not something Clarke is letting go. She's not exactly subtle about it, but she is--well, she's cool about it, thinking about what he'll like and why he might like it. He assumes she talked to his sister, which is weird, but flattering, and it comes across as something she wants to share with him.

It's nice, it just feels like only a matter of time before he hits something that makes it awkward.

"I've never seen a Mad Max movie," he tells her, in line for Fury Road. Just to test the waters.

"Neither have I, but assholes on the internet are boycotting this one because it has too many women, so how bad can it be? And I don't think there's a ton of plot we have to follow."

"Wait," he says, holding up his hand. "That's a thing?"

"Which part?"

"People boycott movies because they have too many women?"

"Have we talked about the Ghostbusters reboot?" she asks, sounding thoughtful, and maybe that's why this thing is working for him. It's not just that she wants to share this stuff with him, it's that she knows what he's going to be interested.

She's working at it, and it's hard to feel anything but grateful and happy about that.

"You haven't," he says, shifting a little closer. "Do we have time?"

"Not for all of it. But I'm not going anywhere."

He bites the corner of his mouth. "No. So, tell me about Ghostbusters."

He actually really likes the anime. Not just because it's cool, but because Clarke hasn't seen a lot of it either, so he feels less pressure. If he was watching Clarke's favorite movie and hating it, he'd feel bad, but he likes forming opinions with her, or seeing her rediscover something she'd largely forgotten, enough so that when she says they're on their last Ghibli movie, he's honestly disappointed.

"I don't know anything about this one," Clarke says, making a face. "Grave of the Fireflies. Watch or skip it?"

"We've got it, why would we skip it?"

She looks so happy that he wishes he could just be normal about this. That he could just forget his random spikes of anxiety and watch things as casually as she does.

But he's still kind of a weird anxious mess, so that's all he's got.

"Yeah," she agrees. "I've heard it's good."

And part of Bellamy can recognize that it is good. Quality isn't the issue. But Clarke has been sticking, largely, to fun, somewhat fantastical stuff. Most of the movies were at least a little emotional, but Grave of the Fireflies is a war movie, and it's a war movie that starts with a little boy dying after he fails to save his younger sister's life, and that's nothing like any of the other things they've watched together.

It's not an unfamiliar feeling, recognizing himself in media. He does it in books and in songs, in the things he interacts with on his own. He likes it, even when it hurts, the familiarity, the assurance that he's not alone.

But, left to his own devices, he might not have experienced it with Clarke. He's not one of those people who thinks that guys crying is bad, or damaging to their masculinity, but there is something awkward about crying in front of another person, even quietly. They feel obligated to react in some way, and he wouldn't have put that burden on her. It's awkward, and he's never thought of her as someone who feels very at home with comforting people.

Then, she reaches over and takes his hand, making his heartbeat spike. Her palm is soft on top of his, her grip gentle, as if she just wants to remind him she's here. He swallows hard, unable to take his eyes off the TV, and lets his hand turn over so he can squeeze her back. Part of him wants to say something, to explain himself, but Clarke probably understands.

For the first time, he feels sure: she's on his side. She's going to stay on his side.

He doesn't have anything good to say about the movie, nothing that feels right. He liked it, but the words feel inaccurate and inadequate all at once. It was like watching another version of himself, a life he might have had, the life he beat. He and Octavia survived. He kept them alive.

So he clears his throat to get the tears out of his voice and asks, "Do you have easy access to that cop show?"

"Cop show?"

"The one with the hot angry latina." She watches it a lot in the background, and he always likes what he hears. One time a guy actually said the word transphobic. He didn't think that happened on TV shows.

Her smile isn't patronizing at all; if anything, she looks glad there's something she can do. "Yeah, it's on Hulu."

"Could we watch an episode of that? Just--"

She squeezes his hand when his voice gives out. "Sounds good."

Then she lets go, which kind of sucks. He's excited for the show, but he'd be more excited without the cushion of space between them, if she were curled up into his side. It would make him feel so much better.

When she's done, she puts the remote aside and lets her hand fall back on the cushion between them. It could be a coincidence; it could mean nothing. But if she can have a campaign to get him familiar with pop culture, he can have his own, private counter-campaign, one where he tries to figure out how to, someday, date her.

So he reaches back, takes her hand, and sees her smile a little.

Maybe it won't even be that hard.

Of course, the thing about his plan is that it involves a lot of risk. If making a move on Clarke goes wrong, his whole life is kind of ruined. He has other friends, of course, other people he cares about, but--he adores Clarke, like he's never adored anyone else. If it works out, it's going to be amazing. If it doesn't, he'll still have to live with her, and with the knowledge that she doesn't want him.

"Or you could, you know, get a girlfriend," Miller says. "I hear that's good, if you're into it. And she's cool and likes all your weird shit. It's been long enough she's probably not even just into you for your body."

"I'm not worried about that. I'm worried she's not into me at all."

"Dude. You've had other roommates, right? You get that this isn't normal."

"It's not about roommates. It's about her. She could be like this with all her roommates. She finds out something is weird and has to fix it. That's how she is."

"She can do that and still be into you," Miller says. "Which, again, I'm pretty sure she is. Her signals are not subtle. She looks at your mouth a lot."

"Why do you know that?"

"Monty and I have a drinking game. Once you're dating someone, the stress about them not liking you goes away and you have to make your own fun."

He rubs his face. "I'm going to tell her. I can do that thing where I yawn and put my arm around her, right? That's what people do during movies."

"How do you know that but not what The Terminator is?"

"I assume it's a guy who terminates things," he says. "Is it going to help me hit on Clarke? If it doesn't, I don't care."

"It probably could. You need all the help you can get."

He leans back, closing his eyes. "I'm going to figure it out any day. Just wait."

"I'm not holding my breath," says Miller, and Bellamy inclines his head without straightening it up.

"Yeah, I wouldn't suggest it."

When he's still working on figuring out how to subtly shift into Clarke and put his arm around her during a movie, they hit the Star Wars issue.

It's weird to think of Star Wars as an issue, but lots of people love Star Wars, and he knows Clarke is one of them. She doesn't make a huge deal of it or anything, but she has a Darth Vader mug that her dad gave her before he died, and she actually owns the DVDs, which is pretty rare for her. She usually just streams things.

It seemed pretty unlikely that he'd be able to avoid it coming up ever, but he hoped he'd be able to avoid it coming up until he was sure she liked him. When he didn't think it could ruin things.

It's so stupid. He knows it is.

He's at the stove, working on dinner, when it finally comes up, and he doesn't even notice. He did know May the force be with you was a thing, but his primary association with the word force isn't the Star Wars franchise, so he runs through a list of things it could be and finally guesses, "Is that a band?"

He'll maintain it's a good guess. They don't usually buy movie tickets that much in advance. And she seems to expect him to know what it is, which isn't usually how she acts about movies. Plus, he knew there was a new Star Wars coming at some point, but he thought it wasn't for a while, and he didn't know the name.

But then Clarke says, slow, "It's the new Star Wars," and he tries and fails not to wince.

"Huh," he says, careful.

There's a pause, and then he feels her by his side, so close he could hook his arm around her waist if he wanted to. Which, he does, but--not right now.

"You know I don't care, right?" she asks, because she does know him. "You haven't seen movies, big deal. It's kind of nice. I get to show you all my favorite stuff and you've never seen it before. I get to see you seeing it for the first time."

He's heard that before, but he does believe it from Clarke. She seems equally delighted when he enjoys things and when he complains, but--he wants to love the things she loves. He wants to have these things in common.

"Octavia told you," he says, mostly to see what she'll say. Of course she talked to Octavia about it, but--he doesn't know exactly what Clarke thought was important. Or what Octavia assumes about why he's so stubborn about these things.

"Just that you guys didn't have a TV when you were kids," she says, with an easy shrug. "And that she gets annoyed with people asking her why she hasn't seen stuff."

He nods, looks at her sidelong. "I know all the spoilers."

"For what?"

"Star Wars. Darth Vader is Luke's father. Luke and Leia are siblings. The prequels are shit. Jar Jar Binks is the worst." He scrambles for any other knowledge of the franchise and comes up wit, "Uh, Yoda," which at least makes her laugh.

"You think Yoda is a spoiler?"

"He's not? I feel like once I saw him, there wasn't much point in anything else."

"Yeah, we all feel that way about Yoda." She nods, as if this was a discussion, and now they're on the same page. "So, this weekend, right? You and me, Star Wars marathon. You were a space kid. I bet you haven't seen Star Trek either," she adds, perking up again. She sounds gleeful, and all he really wants is to make her happy.

He wants this to be as fun as she thinks it will be.

"I thought you weren't allowed to like both," he says, wary.

"I'm a rebel." She taps her jaw. "I think you'd like DS9, that's the one that's got, like--it's the one that's good if you don't have the benefit of nostalgia."

"You're making this sound great."

"I try to be realistic," she says, and he knows that's true too. She's been working so hard at this. She's been so careful.

And now she wants to jump in the deep end with Star Wars.

"I might not like it."

"We don't have to watch DS9."

"I meant Star Wars," he says. "Is that going to be a problem? You going to have to move out?"

Her smile is a little patronizing, and he has to admit he deserves it. "I'll live. But I think you're going to like it."

"I had this girlfriend in high school," he lets himself admit. It's one of those stories that he feels hurt him more than it should have, that he doesn't like caring about. But she was the first girl he'd ever really dated, instead of fooling around, and he'd liked her. He'd thought they had something good. Now, he knows that it wouldn't have lasted anyway, but--it was easy for him to get attached back then. He was so greedy for affection. "She found out I liked the Harry Potter books, but I'd never seen the movie, and she was--like you, I guess." It's not true, not really; he doesn't think Clarke will be anything like Roma was. But he needs to hear her say she's not. "She was really excited she got to show them to me. And I fucking hated the first movie," he admits, with a wry smile. "I always kind of saw Harry as, uh--I thought he'd look more like me, and no one else looked like I pictured them either and it just--I thought it was shitty, I didn't want to watch the rest, she got pissed, and we broke up. Over a stupid Harry Potter movie. And it's not like I really cared," he adds, which isn't exactly true either. He wants to not care, but everyone else always makes him feel like he has to. Just because Clarke does it in a nice way doesn't mean he can stop fretting. Fretting is what he does. "But I did get sick of it. I haven't seen some stuff. Who cares?"

She leans her forehead against his shoulder blade, warm and affectionate. "I kind of like it when you hate stuff," she tells him. "It's fun."

"Yeah, I've noticed. But--you like Star Wars."

"Yup," she says, without a trace of worry.

"I want to like it."

"Maybe you will." There's a pause, and then she adds, deliberate, "I'm not going to break up with you if you don't like Star Wars, Bellamy."

"We're not dating," he says, voice a little dry. It doesn't even feel true, right now. It feels as if he could kiss her, and she'd slide into his arms and not leave. "So that would be tough. Do we have to watch the prequels?"

"I'm going to do some research," she declares, because of course she is, and he loves her.

"Research?" he asks, and lets himself hope it's going to be okay as she walks him through her plan.

Star Wars is really long, after all. He can definitely stretch and wrap his arm around her at some point.

He blames his actual excitement about the whole thing for his slip-up with Octavia. They're on their weekly check-in call, and when she asks him if he's doing anything special over the weekend, he tells her, "Watching Star Wars with Clarke," without thinking about it.

During the long pause, he remembers that his sister has tried, on multiple occasions, to convince him to watch Star Wars, for his own edification. Half of his refusal to see those movies, specifically, was just to piss her off.

If anyone had asked him, he would have said he assumed Octavia knew he was in love with Clarke. He sort of assumes everyone knows. It's a both minor miracle and annoyance that Clarke seems to have missed it. So it doesn't really feel like this should be a surprise for her. She should be able to figure it out.

"All of them?" is what she finally asks.

"You didn't think I had a social life, did you?" He shrugs, even though she can't see it. "Might as well get it over with. She wants to go to the new one, so--"

"So that is a thing."

"I don't know what you were expecting, you had your hot friend move in with me. Obviously I have a thing for her. I thought you knew."

"You're such a mess, Bell," she says. "If you like Star Wars, I'm never going to let you live it down."

"Cool," he says. "I'll deserve it."

Despite his best efforts to sleep in, he wakes up stupidly early on Saturday. At least the problem isn't really nerves about not liking Star Wars; he's basically fine with however that turns out. But the event feels significant, and he's got his mind half set on today being it. He's going to make a move on Clarke, somehow.

But she's not even awake yet, so if his brain would just shut the fuck up about it, that would be great. He gathers some of his thesis stuff to work on to distract himself, getting set up on the couch fairly happily. He's going for cool and casual, but of course as soon as Clarke comes out, she calls him out on it, which is fine. He wasn't really planning to keep the books once she was awake, he just needed something to do with his hands.

He gets the stuff put away and is settled back in by the time she's ready with coffee and cereal, and he can see her thinking for a second before she sits directly next to him, close enough that he can feel the heat coming off her side.

So they're on the same page. That's good.

"Okay, so," he says, shifting so he can get more comfortable, putting his arm behind her on the couch, but not really around her shoulders. "What's the plan? Did you figure out the optimal order to watch these in?"

"Machete order, basically," she says, like this will mean something to him. His expression must give him away, because she counts off on her fingers. "Episode four, episode five, episode two, episode three, episode six. And instead of watching The Phantom Menace, we just listen to the Weird Al "American Pie" parody song, which is way better."

"Cool. Which one is your favorite?"

She flashes him a grin. "Why, do you want to be nice to it?"

"Kind of, yeah."

Apparently it's the right answer, because she actually starts snuggling with him, which is the best kind of alarming. She's warm and smells like day-old shampoo, and it's the kind of perfect, comfortable morning he'd like to have every weekend.

"Return of the Jedi," she says. "I think the Ewoks are cute. Apparently this is a really unpopular opinion on the internet." She flashes him another bright smile. "I got in some fights while I was looking into this, so you better appreciate it."

"My hero," he says, getting his arm around her shoulders. "Are people against cute things?"

Clarke trades her cereal for the remote. "Not exactly. Just, you know. Star Wars is at its best when it's all serious and about a lack of hope for the future or something. Which is bullshit, especially given the first movie is called A New Hope. That's setting an optimistic tone."

"The first movie or the fourth movie?"

"Fourth movie."

"That's definitely needlessly confusing, for the record."

"Yeah, I think it was supposed to be kind of exciting? The ultimate in media res. But it gets weird to talk about."

He lets himself rest his cheek on her hair. "What's the one coming out soon that we have to see? What episode, I mean. Negative five?"

"Seven," she says, fond. "Okay, first disclaimer."

"Jesus, already?"

She ignores him. "These are the new versions, so I'm going to yell at the screen about how George Lucas is a hack any time one of the new scenes is on."

"Perfect. This is a lot of text. Do I need to be reading it?"

"No, you're fine. Evil empire, no hope, the usual."

"Is Yoda the new hope?"

She laughs. "No, Yoda is his sled." There's a pause. "You get that reference from just being alive, right?"

"Citizen Kane?" he hazards.

"Yeah. Which I've never actually seen. We should watch it. Grow as people."

"That sounds awful. The ships are pretty cool," he adds, hesitant. Effects don't always work for him, but he can imagine how cool the opening would look on a big screen, how all-consuming.

"That's a Star Destroyer," she says. "Evil empire ship."

"Evil empires get all the cool ships." He slides his arm further down, around her waist, and she finishes up the last few bites of cereal and puts the bowl down so she can curl against his chest.

He could definitely get used to this. And he even thinks he'll have the chance to.

He misses Yoda's first appearance, but it's definitely not his fault. He's trying to figure out when he should be tugging Clarke into his lap to kiss her, and it's hard to plan that when he's never seen the movie. And he is enjoying the movie. It's just that the girl he's in love with is tangled in his arms and they're holding hands and he's not sure there's a movie in the world that could distract him from that. Especially given what a great angle he has to look down her tank top right now.

"I was expecting more of a reaction," she says.

He starts, guilty. "What?"

"Yoda. I know he's your top priority."

He squints at the screen. Luke is on some kind of weird gray swamp planet, and everything seems bad.

Then he sees the weird green thing.

"Holy shit, is that him?"

Clarke is laughing. "I thought you knew what he looked like!"

"I thought he'd be bigger. And brighter green. And--wow. That's a lot."

She squeezes his fingers. "Everything you dreamed?"

"Honestly, yeah. What's he made out of? Is there an actor in there?"

"I think he's a puppet."

"Wow. That's awesome."

"I'm glad he lives up to expectations. He and Luke are going to do a training montage."

"He's a teacher?"

"Jedi master."

"Huh."

"See, you didn't get spoiled for everything."

"Not everything," he agrees, turning his focus to their linked hands. "I didn't see this one coming."

"Fun fact, Weird Al actually wrote that song before the movie came out based on Internet spoilers," Clarke tells him, once they're finished with the musical recap of the first episode. If it's really accurate, he doesn't feel like he's missing that much. He has yet to develop any emotional attachment to Anakin Skywalker.

"And I'll never know how accurate it is."

"You can watch the first one. I won't stop you."

"What's the point if you're not watching it with me?" he asks without thinking, and he's rewarded with a smile and slight flush.

"Suffering is better together," she agrees. "Okay. Episode two?"

"Sure," he says.

He'd like to say he gives the movie a fair try, but he honestly just doesn't. Clarke doesn't like it, and it's not like he's doing this just to impress her, but if she's not engaged, he isn't going to be either.

Besides, she just keeps getting closer to him, and even if he didn't basically want to marry her, he'd be dealing with some noticeable physical reactions.

"Do I need to care about this?" he asks. Pre-Vader and his girlfriend are flirting. Maybe. It's probably supposed to be flirting, but Han and Leia were a lot more convincing.

"Yes, this is--" She makes a face. "Honestly, I can't even think of a fake reason to care. I honestly have no idea what happens in this--"

He catches her jaw and tugs her mouth to his, swallowing the end of her sentence. She laughs into the kiss, this bright, pleased sound, and repositions so she can reciprocate without hurting her neck. He mouth is soft and warm and perfect, and she's pressing in close, like she wouldn't have been able to wait much longer either.

"This is because I'm bored and you're all over me," he tells her, trying not to grin too hard. "Not because the movie is romantic. I just want that to be clear."

"Because you're bored?" she asks, amused, and he nips her neck.

"We need to be dating by the time we're watching Return of the Jedi so you can dump me when I don't like it," he teases. "So I was working on a pretty short timetable."

Clarke looks like she's going to say something, but she leans in first, and he can't help kissing her again, and it turns into making out basically instantly, warm and perfect, making his whole chest light up. She's so warm and eager on top of him, so perfect.

"That's probably not going to happen," she murmurs, and there's a split second of total panic before she laughs softly and noses his jaw. "I meant dumping you, not dating you. I don't think there's anything you can say about Return of the Jedi to make me stop liking you."

He wasn't actually worried, not with any conscious part of his brain, because he knows her, and he knows she wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't serious. So it's easy to laugh and let his hands find the hem of her shirt, pulling it off when she obligingly raises her arms. "Sounds like a challenge." he says, giving her another kiss. "What if I hate the Ewoks?"

"I'll live."

"What if I think the entire franchise is a waste?"

"You like Princess Leia, so I know you don't."

"What if I--"

"What if instead of talking about Star Wars, we had sex?" she suggests, grinding down on him with a wicked smirk. "Don't get me wrong, it's fun and all, but--come on, Bellamy. It's just a movie."

He laughs, sliding his hands up her back to unhook her bra. "Yeah," he agrees. "Just a movie."

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