#well okay events prior to september are always fun

[atthebell]

do you have any favorite days on the qsmp? if yes which ones?

SO MANY these are not in order they're just whatever i could think of. also idk if you mean like vod recs or just like fave days either way i'm gonna list them somewhat like recs

the french speakers' arrival is a wonderful day from several povs (bagheras, cellbits, quackity's, although his is fairly short as always)

similarly, brazilians arriving is also great! watch any of the brazilians or q or roier or even phil who was losing his mind waiting for them to give the eggs back

WATCH A DAY 1 VOD!!!! if you already have watched one pov, watch another from someone else! day 1 vods are so funny and deranged and really set the initial tone that really was the server's vibes basically up until the brazilians arrived

the egg event day! tbh watch any pov but roier's and jaiden's are really really good

the conclusion of the happy pills arc was an incredible day; i know it's probably soured for a lot of folks, and that's understandable, but if you never watched it and feel up for it, check out pac's and cellbit's pov of it because it's wonderful (pac didn't stream the actual conclusion himself, so you'll have to watch cellbit's to see the full conclusion of pac and forever getting the risus antidote)

idr what day it was exactly but the day bobby was killed by the code and lost his first life is a super interesting vod from several povs-- namely roier's, cellbit's, phil's, bad's, and probably some other folks? a LOT of lore stuff happened that day that was super interesting

cellbit's may 7 vod (featuring the cucurucho chainsaw hallway) + his may 10 vod (featuring him screaming and revving a chainsaw at the sight of cucurucho); tbh, if you're into qcellbit, watch his first week vods if you haven't because they're IMPECCABLE they decided to immediately torture him and also gave him so many puzzles it was great. this whole era of theory bros/ordo theoritas was incredible generally too so max's and bad's vods are also very very fun watches and they didn't spend a million hours deciphering an ARG so their vods are easier to get through

the day wilbur found tallulah is so fucking funny we were all losing our shit over the admins making an egg literally just for wilbur and to his credit wilbur did actually log on a ton those two weeks

bagi's arrival IMPECCABLE tbh watching anyone's day 1/arrival vod is a good idea they're usually pretty enlightening & fun; watch her pov as well as anyone else's because from what i remember they had to do a bunch of weird puzzles to get to her

similarly, carre's first day is very funny and chill vibes very enjoyable

gemeos do misterio reveal need i say more

the time roier and vegetta got quackity drunk at casualonas and got him to reveal his plans to kill the eggs on tape

literally any roier vod frankly roier is just so entertaining i could watch him wash dishes and have a good time

jaiden's birthday party vod

jaiden's vod where she was going on a break (i think when she'd been to japan?) and we got the reveal that she'd worked with the feds in the past

whatever day it was where they went and found kameto again in some federation hq

the juanaflippa life trial was deranged i didn't watch it myself (i think i was at my nephew's birthday party or something tbh) but every part of it sounded WILD

related, the funeral streams from any of the parents whose kids died are pretty interesting

the day quackity found out tilin died is BRUTAL but a great watch-- q is, of course, a brilliant rper and what he did with tilin's death was masterful and really heartbreaking. i think it was the day after tilin died? something like that

bobby dungeon. obviously. that was crazy and it set so much up for jaiden and roier's chararacters gahhhhh

the event with the new members' arrival (like tina and everyone else in that whole big crew)

any romero richas moments i cannot think of dates or anything off the top of my head but montelyson lore is so cool and genuinely creepy i miss it so much

the furniture prank came at such a wrong time but it was genuinely so fun along with the deranged waystone prank i lowkey wish they'd happened like. three days before or something bc they would've been really really funny

hide and seek!!!! again idr the day but when they finally got to do that event it was so cool

festa junina!!!!!! so many shenanigans and fun times

dia de los muertos EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!! seeing bobby again ough and all the newer members getting to meet the old dead eggs.... gahh

spiderbit wedding i am unbiased. nodders.

the day where baghs and cellbit did the first day train station puzzle was so good i NEED them solving shit together again sigh

BLUE BIRD MISSION + TIMER DUNGEON!!!!! event(s) of all time fr i loved that shit.

that time elq kidnapped dapper was kinda lame in that it didn't actually make sense BUT baghera went IN on that man and the whole thing of them following him was very cool

max and bad assassinating elq KING SHIT

wilbur party explosion need i say more that shit ruled fit's pov is great for that particular bit of the night bc you get to see ramon figuring it all out

the day they did a server reset so they let roier and bobby and tilin (i think it was them three? its been ages) blow a bunch of shit up that ruled

spiderbit ocean temple hangout very very good day

tazercraft prison break (the one where they escaped with walter bob but then he got taken away at the barbie house)

tiny mike day idr what was going on that day i jsut will never recover from tiny mike. miquinho. smaller than richas even so itty

[deadpcnned]

the gamble of the heart | chapter 1 (r.l.)

chapter one: certain uncertainty 

series masterlist

pairing: remus lupin x potter!reader

chapter summary: remus reflects on when he lost the person he held closest to his heart. 

warnings: swearing 

wordcount: 2.2k

a/n: hi! this is a new remus series i’m working on. WARNING it’s going to be slowburn. hope you enjoy <33

REMUS LUPIN was never one to rely on the idea of certainty. In his sixteen years of life, Remus had gathered that the way the world worked didn’t allow for anything to be certain. For example, he could have been certain that the only peculiar thing about him would have been that he was a wizard (and really this was only peculiar to unknowing muggles). However, at the age of four, his life went off track and he was suddenly a werewolf and had no understanding of what that meant. It wasn’t always bad, however. Sometimes life was uncertain in a good way. At one time Remus was certain that a life of isolation was a fate he would have to accept, but within his first day at Hogwarts, he was proven wrong. 

And so, Remus decided that it was okay that virtually nothing was certain. He had even begun enjoying the uncertainty of life at times. He enjoyed not knowing what crazy adventure his mates and him would journey through next and he even liked the uncertainty of what subjects he would have to tackle next in his favorite classes. Which is why he couldn’t understand why he was surprised by the events unfolding now. His relationship with Y/N hadn’t even been official, yet he was stuck pondering over her recent actions instead of the notes laid out in front of him. He knew he hadn’t imagined the feelings that had been growing between the two of them and he had the image of intimate touches ingrained in his mind as proof of that. So, why? Why had she stopped looking at Remus like he held the stars in his hands? Why had she trained her sight on that lousy Ravenclaw instead? Why was she holding his hands in the halls, when the two of them had never even been so publicly affectionate? But most importantly, why was he so surprised by the uncertainty of it all?

A part of Remus - the part that resonated with his younger self most - knew he shouldn’t have been surprised. He knew it was unlikely that any girl, especially a girl as captivating as Y/N, would have been interested in him for long. Not only was he singularly boring in his opinion, but he was a monster. The other part of Remus - the part he had spent years working on - couldn’t understand why she was suddenly acting like she forgot he existed. He knew they worked well together. He knew that he understood her in a way no one else had. He knew that he was perfect for her. Or at least he’d say he was. 

“What did that poor piece of parchment ever do to you, Moony?” A voice behind him pulled him out of his thoughts and Remus’ eyes flickered down to the notes in front of him. He had been holding his inked up quill to the paper for so long it had created a hole that was getting bigger from the severity of his hold. Dropping the quill, Remus looked up to see Peter stood in the doorway. 

“Uh, must’ve zoned out,” Remus muttered, sending Peter a lackadaisical smile. “What are you lot up to?” 

“Headed to Hogsmeade. You sure you don’t wanna join, mate? I’m sure you’re not gonna do much good just tearing through your notes. Literally.” Remus ignored Peter’s poor attempt at a pun and considered his options. He really wasn’t doing much good sitting at his desk and he needed to get his mind off certain things. No better way to do that than with the three most troublesome boys. 

“Alright, yah,” Remus nodded his head at Peter who was frowning. “You’re right, Pete. No point in tearing through my notes.” Content with Remus’ validation, Peter led the two out of their dorm and down to the common room.

“YES! Prongs, we’ve got Moony on board!” 

—

Being at Hogsmeade during the start of the year always felt odd. Remus would argue that it was one of those things that only made sense during the holidays. He had gotten into many heated debates with James about whether Hogsmeade could be considered fun this early in the school year. James would start by explaining September was the holidays and Remus would remind him that Christmas wasn’t for another few months. But he didn’t feel like striking that kind of conversation today. Normally, he’d have Y/N to back him up. 

Remus entered The Three Broomsticks with his spirits a lot higher than they had been a half-hour ago. As much as he renounced being too sure about anything, he was certain he could never be bored when he was with his friends. He prayed nothing would put a damper on his mood, but the world didn’t work the way he wanted. He had heard her before he saw her. The familiar laugh had him looking over his shoulder and following Y/N’s figure from the door.

The Y/H/C haired girl was walking hand in hand with Mason Tomlinson as they looked for a seat in the corner of the establishment. As though she felt eyes on her, she turned to the table the boys sat at and waved kindly. Remus wanted to roll his eyes at her gesture but thought better of it. 

“I don’t understand when that even happened,” Sirius mumbled, his eyes still trained on Y/N.

“Apparently they were paired up for a project,” James shook his head slightly before turning to look back at his friends. “You’d think she’d tell her bloody cousin she was seeing someone, wouldn’t you?” Y/N hadn’t been seen by the group of boys as often as they usually did in the past few weeks and Remus could tell it was rubbing James the wrong way. Actually, all of them seemed annoyed by her absence. 

“Two weeks… I swear that’s how long the two have known each other,” Peter commented. “Remus, did she ever say anything about him - OUCH!”

All three boys were now staring at Remus with guilty expressions on their faces (except Peter, who seemed to also be holding his leg in pain). Remus simply shook his head and gave him a shrug in response. 

“I’m sorry, Remus,” Sirius started and this time Remus didn’t stop his eyes from rolling. “I really did think the two of you were going to get together.” Remus froze, halting the way he was nervously pulling at his napkin under the table. He had expected pitying looks or impetus questions, but he hadn’t expected that. Remus hadn’t expected to be confronted with the exact thought that had been haunting him. When would he learn he really couldn’t expect shit? 

“No idea what you mean, mate,” Remus spoke, trying to appear much more nonchalant than he felt. “Haven’t even spoken to her in weeks. Why would we be together?” The three pairs of eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, before Sirius began to nod. 

“Right… Well, boys, I think it's time for some more butterbeer.” Remus’ friends continued with their night, but all Remus could do was stare at the manifestation of his nightmares. Y/N had her elbow resting on the table in front of her and was running her hand up and down the length of Mason’s arm. From what Remus could see Mason's other arm was placed against her hip and he was leaning closer. Within moments Remus’ stomach was lurching forward as he watched Y/N’s lips meet with Mason’s to kiss him passionately. If it had been any other person he would’ve been gagging at the crude disregard of their surroundings, but at the current moment, it was as though he was stuck. He couldn’t look away and he couldn’t vomit the sight away. He was stuck watching Y/N crush his heart into pieces without even lifting a finger. 

“Don’t stare, Remus,” James’ words could’ve been taken as a joke, but Remus knew why he was saying them. He didn’t want Remus hurting. 

“Merlin, I don’t understand what has gotten into her,” Sirius, seemingly not learning from his prior mistake, was looking at Y/N again. “That’s not like her, she doesn’t mouth fuck people in public.”

“Sirius!” James and Remus had yelled at the same time. 

“That’s so vulgar!”

“That’s my cousin!” 

“Oh please, Moony. Like you don’t have the mouth of a sailor. James, I do apologize for talking about your very innocent cousin that way, but there is no other way to explain whatever that is.” James smacked Sirius on the back of his head and the two began to argue amongst themselves, but Remus was too distracted to care about what they were saying.

Sirius was right. It wasn’t like Y/N to get into a relationship so fast and even more unlike her to be so publicly affectionate. But then again, he wondered how much of that was dependent on who was sitting beside her. Maybe she was only affectionate when it wasn’t him crowding the seat next to her. Did they even know Y/N? Did he know her? Remus thought back to the first time he had ever felt a sense of mutual understanding between the two. 

The Gryffindor common room was quieter than usual as a group of five 3rd years faced the welcoming fireplace. Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, and Y/N had opted to stay at Hogwarts instead of going to Hogsmeade that weekend and were glad they had. Other than his friend group, Remus noted that the common room was empty which meant they could do anything without prying eyes. They seized the opportunity by playing Wizard Chess and munching on some leftover candy Y/N had from a previous Hogsmeade trip. 

“Bloody hell,” Sirius whined, as he pushed the table in front of him. “How? Again?” Remus just shrugged as he motioned for Peter to take Sirius’ spot across from him. They had all agreed they would have a tournament of sorts and whoever won would get to be the one who executed their next prank. This prank was especially exciting because it was going to be affecting anyone who was innocently spending time in the Slytherin common room next Thursday. 

“No way,” Peter tutted, crossing his arms across his chest. “I’m not playing just to lose.”

“Peter, the rules were the winner plays the next contestant,” Remus argued. He knew he was undoubtedly the best at Wizarding Chess amongst the five of them and he took pride in any moments he could use that to his advantage. 

“Moons, just let me play Peter,” Sirius started. At Remus’ look of dissent, he continued, “Come on, do you even care about actually being the one that says the incantation?” Remus considered this. He didn’t actually care, but he did want to win. 

“No,” The voice came from the body next to him and Remus looked up to see Y/N shaking her head. “You can’t make the rules and then change them just because Remus is better than you.” 

“Shut up, you Hufflepuff,” James taunted. The Marauders had often told Y/N she would’ve been suitable for Hufflepuff because of how highly she valued fairness. Even if it was something as small as a game, she wanted to see the right thing done. Remus admired that. He figured if more people did that, the world would be a hell of a better place. 

“Eh, let ‘em play. They won’t let me hear the end of it once I win,” Remus uprooted from his spot on the floor and took a seat next to Y/N. The pair sat back as they watched their friends banter and laugh amongst themselves. Remus had only known the lot of them for three years, but he knew that moments like these would be life-altering for him. He had come a long way from the glum eleven-year-old who thought he deserved to be alone. He still battled with whether he deserved the love he received, but he was slowly learning he did. And the only reason he was ever able to get this far in that journey was because of the four smiling idiots around him. 

When James began to chase Peter around the common room, Remus turned his face to the side just as Y/N did and the two of them just smiled at each other. It was like they were both thinking the same things, but Remus had no way of knowing. Y/N and he had always been friends, but they rarely spent time alone the way he did with Sirius and the way she did with James. It wasn’t weird, it was just the dynamic of their group. But at that moment, as they laughed with each other, he felt like he had known her for years. He felt like she was agreeing with him on how much these people meant to both of them. He was probably projecting, but it made him feel warm with comfort. At the time he didn’t know that she would soon grow to be one of the closest friends he’d ever have, but he found solace in that random second of certain uncertainty.  

tiny little taglist: @kitkatkl​ 

[tehri]

Look, I’ve been writing stuff using Tolkien Gateway’s handy page for explaining the Shire Calendar for a long while now, and basically every dang time I see someone refer to the Shire Calendar in fics, there are errors, and I am a nitpicky damn person and I will therefore write this post.

Have I said lately that hobbits are nuts? Because they are. They are so nuts. So insanely bonkers. So nuts that they, some 300 years prior to the War of the Ring, simply because they didn’t like the old one, worked through a reform of how their calendar works so that the following things would happen:

The new year would begin on the first day of the week, and it would end on the last day of the week.

Every month would have 30 days in it and would always correspond to the same weekdays. No more moving dates, the way we have it. Also means no month ever begins on a Friday.

12 months of 30 days each. You can guess a few days are missing. Well, thanks to this Handy New Reform, five additional days are added to make out the 365 day year. Plus a sixth for leap years.

This reform came about in the days of Thain Isengrim II, during his reign between 1083-1122, by Shire-reckoning. Which in, you know, actual Third Age years is around 2683-2722. Because hobbits also have that little thing that they count the years with year 1 being the year TA 1601 - when the Shire was first colonized.

ANYWAY I’m not here to talk about the Shire-reckoning, but about their calendar, F̫͎͍̤͍ͪ͌͂͂͞ͅO̩̹ͣ̅̇͛͢Ċ̷͉̙̱͈̳̥̙ͯ̃̎U̵͈͈͛͐Ŝ͍̫̖̘̘̤͇͑͊͊͟

Okay. So. It used to be that hobbits did not count weeks, but months - the passages of the moon ruled their calendar. In that calendar, the new year began right after harvest. But through contact with other races, they began to count weeks as well. This new way of reckoning was based on what is called the Kings’ Reckoning - the calendar system used in Númenor, Gondor, and Arnor - but with some minor alterations to fit the hobbits.

But the hobbits thought that this constant shifting of weekdays in relation to dates was untidy and inconvenient - so they made it tidy and convenient, by ensuring that Mid-year’s Day (and their Leap Year day, Overlithe) would not correspond to a weekday. They would be their own thing.

Sounds simple, right? Well, let’s face it, there were some issues around it, but the hobbits worked through it and formed their new calendar, which goes roughly like this:

2nd Yule - first day of the new year

Afteryule - first month of the year, roughly corresponding to the dates of 23rd December - 21st January in our calendar

Solmath - month 2, 22nd January - 20th February

Rethe - month 3, 21st February - 22nd March

Astron - month 4, 23rd March - 21st April

Thrimidge - month 5, 22nd April - 21st May

Forelithe - month 6, 22nd May - 20th June

The Lithe-days: 1st Lithe (21st June), Mid-year’s Day (22nd June), Overlithe if there’s a Leap Year (no corresponding date), and 2nd Lithe (23rd June)

Afterlithe - month 7, 24th June - 23rd July

Wedmath - month 8, 24th July - 22nd August

Halimath - month 9, 23rd August - 21st September

Winterfilth - month 10, 22nd September - 21st October

Blotmath - month 11, 22nd October - 20th November

Foreyule - month 12, 21st November - 20th December

1st Yule - last day of the year

Little bit confusing, isn’t it? But well, hobbits, you know. To add to it, their Mid-year’s Day is meant to correspond to the summer solstice, and is approximately 10 days earlier than our mid-year’s day.

So. The main holidays that the hobbits had were the Yule-days and the Lithe-days - the end/beginning of the year and the middle of the year. Plus that Highday, the last day of the week and corresponding to our Friday, was considered a holiday where hobbits often held evening feasts. As it stands, the 1st of Yule and the 1st of Lithe both fell on Highday, too. Fun fact - it corresponds to the day Orbelain in the Númenorean week, which is dedicated to the Valar. This would reasonably have been a thing also in Arnor when the hobbits settled the Shire, which would likely be why the hobbits grew to consider Highday a holiday and a time for feasts.

Alright, so what can we even get out of this mess? Well - first of all, we can’t actually use our own calendar as example of when important events happened for the hobbits. And beyond that, have a nitpick of mine that has bothered me for ages: Bilbo and Frodo were born on the first of Winterfilth, NOT in Halimath. Halimath kind of corresponds to September, yes, but the LAST day of Halimath is the 21st of September, the day BEFORE Bilbo’s and Frodo’s birthday.

Have we all learned something today? Yes? Good? Good. Byebye, it just snowed, I’m going outside to enjoy the hobbit-calendar new year, it’s already the 5th of Afteryule!

[bpro-cardstories]

Goshi Kaneshiro SSR

2019 ー Live Street Show  [路上ライブ]

“Yeah. …… I’m always serious about my work. Even if I die, I won’t compromise when it comes to music. It’s myself who knows best that this feeling is genuine.”

『Event: Hit and Run! Super Rookies (17th - 29th September 2019)』

Part 1

THRIVE are practicing for the upcoming baseball match against the professionals. 

Yuta: ‘Gochin, nice pitch! You’re also already perfect in using the curves and straights!’

Goshi: ‘Yeah.’ 

Yuta: ‘Isn’t it time for you to rest your shoulders? Kenken, it’s your turn to practice batting ~!’ 

Kento: ‘Already? Isn’t it too early?’ 

Yuta: ‘It’s not! Come on, stand up, stand up ~!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘You did well, Kaneshiro-san. Please use this towel. I also have this drink for you.’

Goshi: ‘Aa, thanks.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, I was a little worried when I first heard that everyone was not very familiar with baseball but… there was no need to. Kaneshiro-san too, and the other members as well are very good at it, not only experienced players can see it.’ 

Goshi: ‘.... Is that so?’ 

Yuta: ‘Kenken, how about doing the bunt* with all your might during practice! Swing the bat!’ 

Kento: ‘I refuse. I noticed that this form doesn’t disturb my bangs. Above all, it’s one that makes the hand of the opponent feel shaken, right.’

Yuta: ‘That might be true! But we’re practicing to hit a home run right now ~!!’

Observing the scene in front of him, Goshi doubts Tsubasa’s words from earlier.

Goshi: ‘....You still think like that?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I-Including now! It is possible for you to be able to play properly!’

Her honest words of encouragement make Goshi chuckle a bit. 

Goshi: ‘Ha, how so? But never did I think to play baseball. If it wasn’t for work I wouldn’t ever have tried it, I guess.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That might be true. Baseball tournaments between non-professional teams or grass-lot baseball** are both basically like professional ones, I think.’

Goshi: ‘You’re right.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘.... So, how is it?’ 

Goshi: ‘Hm? What do you mean?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Baseball. As expected, it is quite difficult to practice between other jobs, right.’

Goshi: ‘That’s true. But… it’s surprisingly not bad. I feel like both my body and head are always using different parts. Or rather…. It’s more fun than I thought….’

Tsubasa: ‘I see…! I’m glad to hear that, to be honest, I wouldn’t know what to do if it had turned into a burden for you….’

Goshi: ‘It’s not really a matter you should be worried about. After all, whether it’s hard or not, I will give it my all if it’s work.’ 

Goshi: ‘But this time… I feel like I was reminded of something that I started to forget.’

Tsubasa: ‘Something you started to forget?’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah. How should I put it, it’s the attitude towards jumping into an unknown world and challenging it boldly… To keep growing, you absolutely can’t lose this feeling. But…when you get desperate, you forget even such a thing.’ 

Goshi: ‘.... I, too, need to pay more attention to other things from now on.’ ___________

After the short but serious talk THRIVE heads to their next job, to the radio station. 

Kento: ‘Today’s theme was 『THRIVE members’ favourites』so it says, we first went with one song.’ 

Yuta: ‘It was super cool right from the intro~! As expected of Gochin’s favourite song. It’s the one that I can hear in the morning coming from your room, right?’

Goshi: ‘Yeah, I’m often using it instead of the alarm clock now. It’s good to get yourself started. To reach the top with just your singing and a guitar, I’m overwhelmed by such skill and strength.’ 

Kento: ‘If I’m not mistaken, he was a street musician. He was scouted by someone from a recording company who stopped in front of him. It was his major debut, no?’

Goshi: ‘Right. From the start, it seems to be quite the famous home then, huh. I also heard that his voice was slow***.’ 

Goshi: ‘Hearing that, I’m a bit frustrated, to be honest. Talent and effort alone take time.’ 

Yuta: ‘Yes yes, even if you can make and sing a cool song, there’s still luck and timing ~’

Yuta: ‘But to have someone find him was amazing!! Speaking of which, where’s his hometown?’

Goshi: ‘It’s Fukuoka.’ 

Yuta: ‘Hee~! Then should we go to the place where he’s singing!?’

This was something he was not supposed to talk about. But Yuta hasn't noticed yet. He keeps talking. 

Kento: ‘Eh? …. Hey, Yutaーー’ 

Yuta: ‘Ehehe, baseball, ramen, pilgrimage…..! I’m excited to visit Fukuoka but I added another one~ ♪.’ 

Goshi: ‘You….. Didn’t we tell you to not speak about it again.’ 

Yuta: ‘Huuh?....... Ahh!!!’ 

Goshi: ‘Geez…..’

Yuta: ‘Hyahー, I’m so sorry! Please cut that scene just now out, dear staff.’ 

Goshi: ‘Are you an idiot? It’s a live broadcast!’

Yuta: ‘Wahwah, you’re right!’

To change the topic, Kento suggests with a smile to move on.

Kento: ‘Alright, let’s all forget what was just said.’

Kento: ‘Should I let you listen to my favourite song, hm? I like that its lyrics capture my feelings for all you sweet girls. So carefully listen to the song and take in my feelings, okay?’ ___________

Tsubasa: ‘ーーThank you for the live broadcast, everyone!’

Yuta: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa-chan~! About earlier, I’m sorry!! Tsubasa-chan won’t get angry, right!?’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, no I won’t. Because it was not talked about in detail.’ 

Yuta: ‘Really!? I’m relieved~.......!’

Tsubasa: ‘Ah….. Speaking of which, it is about the talk about Fukuoka. I was contacted earlier. It was decided that Kaneshiro-san’s and Aizome-san’s stay as well will be extended.’ 

Goshi: ‘Why’s that so? …… Don’t tell me we also have to practice making ramen.’ 

Kento: ‘Eh, is that true? No way, I don’t need to wear a towel around my head, right?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘No, it is a different matter. Requests for shootings and interviews came in for both Kaneshiro-san and Aizome-san. Some local magazines like to put together a special feature.’ 

Kento: ‘Aah, I see.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that the shooting will happen early in the morning on the day after the baseball match. The schedule will be quite hard but I am hoping for your cooperation.’ 

Goshi: ‘Understood.’ 

Kento: ‘I’m also counting on you, Tsubasa.’ 

Part 2

ーThe day of the interviews and photoshoot.ー

Tsubasa: ‘ーーThis will be all for the photoshoot at this location. Next is the still photoshoot near the live house. Afterwards, you will have a talk with its owner.’

Goshi: ‘Okay.’ 

Kento (grinning): ‘..... Goshi, you seem awfully happy?’

Goshi (smiling): ‘Of course I am. You don’t know that but the live house we’ll go to now is a sacred place for music lovers. The top artists always mention this place first when they’re  in magazines or the TV, even now.’  

Kento (rolls his eyes): Uwah, look at the high tension…..’

Goshi (annoyed): ‘What? It’s because you brought up the topic! Don’t play dumb!’

(Fufu, Kaneshiro-san really likes the music. When he looks so happy, compared to his usual appearance, it even makes me smile.) ___________

ーIn the live house.ー

Kento: ‘Hee….. That’s some amazing collection of signs. And only from top-notch celebrities. There’s also a sign from the person, the radio talked about the other day.’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah…..’

Kento: ‘...... Are you stargazing?’

Goshi: ‘No, that’s not itーー Wait a minute. Wow….. For real, the whole band is coming here.’ 

Goshi: ‘This one here…..’

Goshi (shocked): ‘Artists that haven’t performed in Japan yet are coming here!? No way…..!’

Kento: ‘Tsubasa, look at the excited figure next to you. Since it’s happening, don’t you think it would be better to record it. If you show it to them when they’re acting normal, it certainly will be amusing.’

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, you’re right. You don’t often see this juvenile Kaneshiro-san.’ 

Goshi: ‘Oi, don’t treat me like a kid.’

Tsubasa: ‘I-I am sorry……!’

Kento: ‘Hey, she was right, so stop picking a quarrel with her. That was scary, right, Tsubasa.’ 

Goshi: ‘Right back at you, stop taking advantage of Sumisora and make her do stuff.’ 

Kento (teasing): ‘What, did Goshi want to chat with Tsubasa some more, as well?’ 

Goshi: ‘What?’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-You two….. Ah right, there is a matter concerning an inquiry prior to now.’

Goshi: ‘...... What is it?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that the store’s owner’s passion and the depth of his knowledge for music is famous and that many artists come here to listen to his talks. However, no matter how famous one is, if there is no appointment, then it looks like he will be denied serving customers…..’ 

Kento: ‘Why is that so?’

Tsubasa: ‘It seems that the owner’s most important matter is to support young musicians. Giving the artists who are performing near the street a stage to stand on without compensation, or upon finding a talented one making contact with someone related to music…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Because at times with such an arrangement, it will be given priority. Because, by no means, does he want to slow down the young ones who are taking on『A new challenge』.’

Kento: ‘Hee….. Very cool.’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah…… Human beings can easily be swayed by fame and money. Not everyone can do it. It’s an honour to hear it from such a person.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I agree, I also like to let you learn from him.’ 

Staff: ‘The equipment preparation is done! Kaneshiro-san, Aizome-san, let’s start!’

Kento: ‘Yes. We’ll be in your care.’ ___

Goshi: ‘.......『A new challenge』, huh.’

Tsubasa: ‘Kaneshiro-san?’

Goshi: ‘...... Yeah, I’m going now.’ ___________

ーIn THRIVE’s hotel room.ー

A knock on the door.

Yuta: ‘Yes, who is it?’

Tsubasa: ‘I am sorry, to come so late in the night….. Sumisora here. I have something to talk about regarding the schedule tomorrow.’ 

Yuta: ‘Eh? Tsubasa-chan? W-Wait a minute, okay!?’

Tsubasa: ‘......? Yuta-kun?’

Yuta: ‘Fuuh…… Sorry for making you wait, Tsubasa-chan! Here, come in!’

Tsubasa: ‘I am sorry, did I perhaps interrupt you at something…..?’

Yuta: ‘No No No, not at all!!’

Tsubasa: ‘Sweat….. Was it dance practice?’

Yuta: ‘Ah~ ….. Yep! Something like that! More importantly, what’s about the schedule?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Oh, it’s about Kaneshiro-san and Aizome-san’s schedule….. Where are they?’

Yuta: ‘Eh? Usually, they’re outside….. Could it possibly be that they went out without telling Tsubasa-chan!?’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-Yes……’

Yuta: ‘Waah, I thought they certainly let you know properly, so I didn’t stop them….. I’m so sorry!! I’ll try to contact them on LINE, wait a minute!’

Part 3

Yuta: ‘Ah, a reply from Kenken!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I’m glad…. I wonder where they are now?’ 

Yuta: ‘Ehm…… Yep, it must be the usual…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Eh?’

Yuta: ‘No, anyway, he said he’ll come back. It looks like he’s not too far away.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That is reassuring to hear. And, Kaneshiro-san…..’ 

Yuta: ‘No, Gochin didn’t reply. Where did he go? He also didn’t read my message at all…..’  

Tsubasa: ‘I see….. If that is the case, then I will go look around a bit nearby.’ 

Yuta: ‘Eh? It’s going to be dangerous when you go out at this hour all alone! I’m going, too!’

Tsubasa: ‘It will be fine. I will not go too far since I am not familiar with the surroundings here. Besides, it will be troublesome if you miss each other.’

Yuta: ‘But…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Should Kaneshiro-san come back, I would be thankful, if you contact me immediately. Could I ask you for this favour?’ 

Yuta (worried): ‘Tsubasa-chan……. Alright, leave it to me! But, you really need to be careful! Absolutely not get involved with weird people!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I understood. I will be going now.’ ___________

Tsubasa: ‘....... He’s not here as well, huh.’ 

(Kaneshiro-san, he can’t be found at all…. Where in the world could he be. I haven’t heard of a friend he has here. A place he would go to, perhaps the place near the photoshoot today?) 

(Or, a place that’s related to musicーー)

Tsubasa: ‘Oh…. The sound of a guitar?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I remember, there are many street musicians around here. I wonder if Kaneshiro-san’s favourite artists also performed in this kind of place…..’ 

Music: ~~~♪♪

(A comfortable tone colour…..) 

Music: ~~~♪♪

(The singing voice is amazing as well…..) 

Tsubasa: ‘...... Eh? This voice…..’ 

???: ‘...... Thank you very much.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Eh……!?’

Goshi: ‘Ah? ……. Damn.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘K-Kaneshiro-san! What are you doing!?’

Part 4

Goshi: ‘Hey, keep your voice down…..!’

Tsubasa: ‘I-I am sorry….. But, what are you doing in such a place…..’ 

Goshi: ‘What I’m doing, you say….. You’ll understand by seeing it, right. I’m giving a street performance.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Saying it so easily….. But wait please, where is the guitar from?’

Goshi: ‘That’s….. The master of the store from today lent it to me. When he said, if you have something you absolutely want to do, take it.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Something you want to do….. Is it a street live?’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah.’ 

Goshi: ‘Well….. Sorry for doing so without telling you.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That is true. you neither contacted nor read the messages….. I was very worried.’ 

Goshi (sighs): ‘I said, I’m sorry, didn’t I. About that….. Sorry.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Kaneshiro-san….. Because you are safe, it’s fine. However, why all of the sudden…..’ 

Goshi: ‘Why did I want to sing here, you mean?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. Even though you have a lot of places where you can sing.’ 

Goshi: ‘That’s…… I, too, wanted to try out the challenge in this city. Standing here, with just my own will, in this place.’ 

Goshi: ‘At that time….. Do you remember what we talked about when I practiced baseball? I said that I want to, even more, shift my focus on other things.’

Tsubasa: ‘Of course. Not wanting to forget the feeling of jumping into an unknown world.’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah. …… I’m always serious about my work. Even if I die, I won’t compromise when it comes to music. It’s myself who knows best that this feeling is genuine.’

Goshi: ‘But, it’s not that I think this alone is enough. Obsessing too much over your own tone, causes you to lose your flexibility. As a result, if you limit this expression, it’ll come to nothing. This is why I wanted to jump into a new world here and see something for myself that I can’t see.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘..... I’m very grateful that you talked to me. I was able to somehow understand the reason why Kaneshiro-san wants to sing in this place. So…… Were you able to see it? Something new…..’ 

Goshi (sighs): ‘....... I wonder. To be honest, I don’t understand it. But it certainly made sense.’ 

Goshi (smiles): ‘Since there are a lot of drunkards here, nobody noticed, that means I completely lack the skill as an idol. That’s the sole thing I noticed. Though, there were also people who stopped and listened to my music even if they didn’t know me.’ 

Goshi: ‘That’s enough for now.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘........’ 

(...... When I think about the various dangers, he really needs to pay attention properly….. But, when he shows such a fulfilling expression, I can’t say anything.) 

Goshi: ‘..... What’s wrong, Sumisora.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘No….. Should there be something you want to do, I would be grateful if you tell me in a few words from now on. I will do my best to support you.’ 

Goshi (smiles): ‘...... Okay. Thanks.’ 

Goshi: ‘Alright, I’m going to put away my things, so wait for a minーー’    

???: ‘Eh~! You’re going already~? Mister, won’t you please play another cool song?’ 

Goshi (surprised): ‘Ah……?’

Part 5

Goshi: ‘...... You two…..’ 

Kento: ‘You seem to be doing quite some enjoyable thing, Goshi.’ 

Yuta (blushes): I became a fan of you, mister~! I want to hear more!! Encore! Encore!!’

Goshi: ‘Don’t joke with me, shut it!’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Why are you here, you two……’ 

Yuta: ‘When I was able to meet up with Kenken safely, I left Gochin a note and went to look for Tsubasa-chan.’ 

Kento: ‘Leaving a cute girl behind in the city night, you can’t do that.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘You are right….. I am sorry to have worried you.’ 

Kento: ‘No, to begin with, it’s our fault, we need to apologize.’ 

Yuta (grins): ‘Exactly.’ 

Kento: ‘...... But I’m glad we found Tsubasa right away. I also could see that Goshi was in his springtime of life all alone.’ 

Yuta: ‘True, true! It was the opposite atmosphere from hiding your face and looking down!’ 

Goshi: ‘You lot, you’re totally making fun of me, right….. Geez, enough with that. Let’s get going.’ 

Yuta: ‘Waah, wait, wait! I really meant it with the encore earlier! It’s such a rare opportunity, I genuinely want to hear Gochin’s song!’ 

Yuta (smiles): ‘Idol Goshi is cool, too. But street musician Goshi is shining incredibly as well. ♪ That’s why, as a guest, I want to listen to your singing.’ 

Goshi (surprised): ‘Ashu……’ 

Kento: ‘Yeah. Now that Yuta said that, just do one song. If you like, I’ll give you 1000¥.’ 

Goshi: ‘No, thanks! And what’s with the arrogant attitude!’ 

Yuta: ‘Anyways, I want to hear Gochin’s song~! Until you won’t let me listen to it, I won’t move.’

Goshi: ‘Come again?’ 

Kento (winks): ‘Don’t waste time. Besides, Goshi also wants to sing more, yes?’ 

Goshi (sighs): ‘..... Tch. Good grief, I don’t have a choice. Only one song.’ 

Yuta: ‘Yay~!!’ 

Goshi: ‘..... Is that fine, Sumisora?’

Tsubasa: ‘Y-Yes. There are almost no people around anymore….. If it’s only for a bit.’ 

Goshi: ‘Then……’ 

The sound of Goshi’s guitar and his singing go through the street.

Yuta: ‘Waah……! When you listen to music in the midst of the city, it sounds different than usual! Very cool…..!’

Kento: ‘.........’ 

(As I thought, Kaneshiro-san’s music has amazing strength. I feel that both the tone of the guitar and the words directly resonate with usーー)

Goshi: ‘...... Fuuh.’

Yuta: ‘........’

Kento: ‘........’

Goshi: ‘...... What.’

Yuta: ‘....... I’m moved.’

Goshi (surprised): ‘Hah?’

Yuta: ‘I was so moved! You, aren’t you interested in the entertainment world!? I’ll definitely make you a star.’ 

Kento: ‘Ah, a scout appeared, Goshi. Isn’t that your chance for a major debut?’ 

Goshi: ‘Shut up! Don’t do that stupid imitation. Geez, it’s fine now. It’s the end, you hear. I’ll go return the guitar, so go back without me.’ 

Yuta: ‘Okay! Thanks, Gochin~! It really, absolutely was a wonderful performance!!’ 

Kento (teases): ‘When you go back and get lost, it will trouble Tsubasa, you know.’ 

Goshi: ‘You don’t need to remind me. Just go.’ 

Yuta: ‘Then see you back at the hotel~♪. Let’s go, Tsubasa-chan.’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes.’

Goshi: ‘..... Oi, Sumisora.’

Tsubasa: ‘......? How can I help.’

Goshi: ‘Don’t tell Yashamaru-san about today.’

Tsubasa: ‘E-Ehm, that is……’ 

To persuade her, Goshi closes their distance and asks her once again with a smile.

Goshi: ‘It’s a secret just between us. Understood?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Uh…….’ 

Goshi: ‘If you did, then get going. See you later.’ 

END ___________________________

*Bunt: A bunt is a baseball technique in baseball or fastpitch baseball. To bunt, the batter loosely holds the bat in front of home plate and intentionally taps the ball into play.  [Source: Wikipedia] 

**Grass-lot baseball: Probably the same thing as sand-lot baseball. It refers to pick up games. It refers to games as simple as you and 7 of your neighbors with four guys on each team. [Source: Yahoo Answers]

***T/N: I honestly have no idea what the sentence means, I’m sorry. This is me guessing here based on words I could understand.

[lalaytight]

NCT 127 + Sungtaro as Uni Students

-Information Prior to Reading-

Clearing - When applying to University after the official date of the A level results, national results, the clearing section opens which allows people who did not get the required grades or have changed their mind in term of courses, apply to university and get a spot.

Dissertation - he final project completed in the last year of University, is normally around one set topic and makes up a good chunk of the final grade awarded at the end of the course.

Pre's - Stands for Pre Drinks a social event where alcohol is consumed prior to going to the clubs.

Masters- A second degree normally 12-18 months long in addition to the bachelors degree when you first graduate. Normally more specific than the first degree.

Gap Year- A year taken between finishing up school and going off to university, normally spent either saving for university or more commonly travelling the world and 'finding' yourself in a third world country on a beaten path.

Pull/ going on the pull- The act of trying to get a date or take someone home with you whilst on a night out in the clubs/ pubs. Can be either successful or unsuccessful but is a great past time.

Tactical chunder-  The act of throwing up whilst drunk in order to sober yourself or remove some of the alcohol from your body. Is often done to make room for more alcohol.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, Swearing, overall shenanigans, phallic imagery (?), Illegal substance usage

Moon Taeil

Taeil is studying a Chemisty Masters. He completed the undergrad and met a girl. The year below and didn't want to do long distance. So he signed up for a master's course so they could stay in the same area. And he has to admit it was definitely a good choice. Not only is he not having to worry about getting a job, loosing his missus to someone else or having to part from his mainly younger best friends.

He considers himself old now and therefore, isn't involved in any of the society's or sports clubs. He also can't be bothered, not between labs and reports he's got to write. He can barely make time to play fortnite yet alone serious sports. But he will sneak into any of the parties being hosted by the societies his friends are a part of. Will bring his own bottle of Gin and never take it home but its all about the atmosphere. And hanging out with his friends.

In class, Taeil works with the same lab partner for everything. He hasn't changed since September and has no intent to. He's not big on making more friends than necessary and he's got this tight bond with his current partner and therefore, doesn't bother looking for anyone else if they have to do group work. He's studious and his reports are always written well. There's also a little smiling moon placed in the top corner of any one he has to print out. It's completely against the guideline published but its so cute he gets away with it each time. Plus he's also a major teacher's pet and will stay late to help clean the lab after a session.

On a night out Taeil is plastered. He's drunk out of his mind but it's the way he likes to be. He's buying everyone drinks. His bank accounts hurts at the end of the night but he only sees it as a good night. He has no interest in pulling or trying to flirt with anyone he's a committed man. But he will attempt to help his other friends settle down. Therefore, he's everyone's wingman. A shit one but its the effort that counts. If he's lost he's by the bar ordering shots for someone he thinks is sobering up too fast.

John Suh / Johnny

What would the great Johnny Suh study at university. Well its nothing you expect it to be. He's studying building surveying. Yeah you heard that right. And he's so proud of it. The looks he gets when people ask him what he does and that's his answer. This big tall buff guy who kinda screams like he's studying something sporty. He's all about buildings. Wont even try to say he's doing archetecture. Rather he'll just bring out a folder of photos on his phone which are just him in his High Vis Jacket in a multitude of poses.

Johnny is the captain of the Rugby team, that's how he met and then adopted Jeno. He can be seen only on Wednesday at the student night wearing his rugby uniform, the university mascot drawn on his face and a bottle of beer in his hand. He starts the sing along of the rugby boys as they walk through campus. You'll know the one, where they talk or chant about their appendages. He cheers the loudest when one of the newer players join in

In class Johnny is that one guy that everyone loves. He's fun he's entertaining and he's just so nice. He's always there to help his other peeps when they're struggling responding to the questions in the course group chat on Facebook. He send's merry Christmas and happy holidays messages without fail. The cutest little messages and stuff and if you didn't expect this great six foot something guy behind the screen you'd be correct. He's so nice and polite and seemingly hard working that he can get away with anything. You wouldn't notice that he does fuck all in a group project. He's just so present you think he's contributed loads. Until you notice the only writing he has on the entire worksheet is his name.

Johnny is the ultimate party planner. He's always responsible for organising the house party or pre's and he gets absolutely everyone around. He know's Jeno and next thing you know the rest of the younger guys are round his house and Johnny's suddenly got like 7 20 something year old sons. He's bringing all the snacks and an endless supply of Magners. Anyone wants a drink, help yourself. On a night out he's the first to break off from the group. He's straight to the smoking area to light up his juul. He spends a little too long there cause he's too busy flirting but he leaves with their insta and then goes to try and bully Mark onto the dance floor. But when Mark protests and he's told to leave Taeyong's son alone, his best partner is crime Jaehyun is right by his side to go thot drop to the 90s club hits playing on the floor.

Lee Taeyong

Taeyong is another masters student. His first degree was in illustration and he hated it. Completely put him off art. He never wanted to draw for a living ever again. Never again. But he didn't know what to do with his degree. That was until he went to a careers event and there was an art therapist present, and he knew this was his calling. Or perhaps he was desperate and the way the man talked seemed to draw him in. Therefore, his masters is art therapy.

Taeyong used to be the president of the music society, and he could have stayed on another year when he started his masters. But he decided to take a step back and instead focus on his studies. Or at least pretend to. Now he just focuses on not killing his housemates and wondering why he stayed in a student house for another year. Not when he could have afforded a studio apartment.

Taeyong feels a new life for art by doing his masters course. He's slowly falling back in love with the thing his first degree ruined for him. And the therapy side is so interesting and new to him that he's constantly amazed. To the point where he goes and actually does the further reading. He might be the only one in the class to do so but that doesn't stop him. The lecturers love him because of his genuine interest in the subject and he always gets the opportunity for anything cool they put on. His interest though can be a little dangerous as he's constantly testing his new techniques out on his roommates and if he has to see one more dick drawn by Yuta one of them will not be attending lectures the next day.

Taeyong contrary to popular belief is not the mom friend on a night out. He is the next morning. But on the night out he's wild. A lightweight who sticks to drinking wine only, he likes to belief he's the light and life of the party. He isn't really but he is the one on the tables at the club throwing the best dance moves. Every time he hits the dance floor its like he starts a performance and you can't take your eyes away. Somehow he's still in control of his movement. It's a miracle but he does it somehow. And the next morning he refuses to admit he was once again performing at the club like he was on a stage in front of millions as he's forcing bread down the throats of every single housemate.

Nakamoto Yuta

Yuta doesn't seem to be a big reader when you look at him. You'd never think he'd spend most of his university time bent over a book reading it to be able to write the report about it. Probably because he doesn't but he's an English Literature student nevertheless.

Yuta belongs to the football, soccer, club and is the captain. He takes great pride in his team but will not hesitate to do a fun meaningless game often. In fact he was the one who suggested to Johnny that the football and the rugby team should play eachother at tennis of all sports to see who was the superior. Before a big match Yuta attempts to organise more practice, but its never okayed by the coach. He still goes to the pitch to wait and is disappointed every time when nobody turns up to his unofficial training session.

Yuta loves his English literature class. Mainly because they do deep dives into the book and he secretly does love reading he just doesn't like being told what books to read. He's passionate about Brontè and can tell you almost anything about the twilight universe. But he absolutely refuses to read the books for the assignments. Rather he'll scroll his way through a couple summaries, a wikipedia page and one of those websites that publish old essays instead. His grades are high and he's yet to be caught not having read really any of the books they've worked on. Rather he just flings around the terminology and hopes its actually being used. Yuta attends every lecture, not because he wants to learn. Rather because he loves going in to his class and talking to the rest of the students on his course. He's a part of a mainly female friendship group and he's not hesitant to tell them when they deserve better than the guy that's stringing them on. He's always there to remind them how they truly deserve to be treated and point out the red flags when the girls try to justify staying with them. He wouldn't ever date any of them, and he's sure many of them think he swings for the other team only. But like he's not going to protest. Unless they're being mistreated by their partners and they need to wake up. He also makes a small fortune selling his old notes to students in the year below, Jaemin has set up a monthly subscription pay to ensure he gets all the notes he can't be bothered to take.

At a party Yuta can be found drinking some sort of liquor and chatting to Doyoung in the corner. The pair are laughing like school girls and having the times of their lives. If you ever approach expect to be disgusted and possibly confused considering how much of a strong feminist he is. The pair can be found having the most controversial conversations possible. Yuta just wants to argue though and Doyoung presents a very good opportunity. When asked later he will never deny what you heard nor excuse his words, only gives a meek smile and then disappears. He's found in the grimiest bathroom normally and he's not alone. Let's leave that one up to the imagination. But he's the self proclaimed king of one night stands.

Kim Dongyoung / Doyoung

Doyoung was confused at first over what subject to take. He was torn between law and criminology. To the point where he had applied and had offers for both courses some of which being at the same university. However, when it came to results days he ended up on the criminology course. He's not pressed though.

Doyoung is not involved in any societies or sports. However, he is pretty involved in another aspect of the university community. He's very frequently involved in the university confessions page on Facebook. He's actually one of the admins. And he loves to approve and post the more controversial confessions. Especially the ones which are most likely to cause massive arguments between courses. He'll accept the confession post it and then just sit back and watch the chaos. He's Admin C.

Class wise Doyoung loves the argumentative side of the subject. Why wouldn't he be involved in the discussions and debates. It's his favourite part and he's always team captain. But when it's normal classwork he's just as involved. In his opinion if he's paying all this money for the course he's going to get as much out of it as possible. He'll do the snazzy presentation for your group project with the transitions background noises and memes. You get high scores because of this presentation. He's top of the class and has no intent of letting that position go to someone else.

On a night out he can be seen purposefully trying to stir the pot. He's a shit starter and proud and its even worse when drunk. You think someone is looking at you funny, he'll say they are and then go with you to confront them. He'll talk about something controversial and try to play devils advocate just to watch your reaction. He is also the one to have the evidence of what happened on his snapchat the next morning. A useful ally to have if you want those pictures deleted.

Jung Yoonoh/ Jaehyun

Big, tall, kinda scary looking Jaehyun is studying education. He's always wanted to be a dad, but his parents warned him of the problems of being a teenaged dad. And then again at having kids really young before you have the money needed to support them. So he had to suck up the desire to be a father until he found an happy alternative. Enter Jaehyun studying to be an Early years, ages 4-8, teacher. He can be the school father to these children and then hand them back to their parents in the afternoon.

Jaehyun used to be part of the football team until he realised he couldn't be bothered. He then tried to dabble in some of the societies but he couldn't find one he enjoyed. Rather he settled in becoming one of the campus crushes. Running a successful instagram account and taking a part in the social media take-over event the student union hosted.

Jaehyun loves his course only when he's out working on placement within the school setting. He hates the class work. But when he's in class that's where he shines, well most of the time. He loves the kids, and they love him. The bond he builds is so strong and it normally works very well in his favour the class listening to what he wants them to do and everything generally seems to go well for him. He's also a hit with the female teachers who are supervising him. To the point where he can get away with nearly anything. He'll never forget the one time he turned up after a heavy night out, hanging out of his boots, to the point he was throwing up in the students toilet and he's charm and good looks meant the female teacher he was working with let him off the hook. He swore never to drink again before going to work but he totally owed it to her for not reporting him to the university for being completely out of sorts to the point where he just put on a film all afternoon and snoozed on the desk.

When he's not got work the next morning Jaehyun is down for the longest night out he can muster. He will drag everyone to the one club that closes at 6am. By the end of the night there's only a few strong solider's left, namely Johnny, Yuta Jungwoo and himself, but he'd never stop. His wallet hurts after paying all the entry fees but it was completely worth it. His favourite student night is the naughties night that is hosted every term, he's screaming along to Beyonce and Fall out boy all night along. He's hit hard by the hangover the next morning but his cuddle buddy Taeyong is more than used to it by now and the pair sit watching reruns of Judge Judy and feeling sorry for themselves.

Dong Sicheng/ WinWin

Included in WayV link pending

Kim Jungwoo

Jungwoo might arguably be the smartest of the bunch and he won't let you forget when he's proudly stating he studies Engineering. He deserves to as well cause the course is hard. He's a mathematical genius and he's dream is to go on to study robotics afterwards.

Jungwoo is a proud member of the Harry Potter society. Well kinda, his housemates all know he's a part of the society and he's very active talking about it to them all. But he won't actively tell people he's apart of it outside his close friends. It's mainly because he's embarrassed that he's one of the younger members normally heavily surrounded by middle aged women. But he wouldn't leave, he's too deep in the fan fiction they're collectively writing. #JusticeforWolfStar.

Jungwoo is relatively quiet in class choosing to stick with his selected course mate group. He doesn't tend to speak to anyone outside his tutor group and instead focuses more on just trying to pass each assignment sent his way. He does try his hardest to stay on top of the work assigned for him, and tries to put his effort in. But as he gets closer and closer to the end of the course he cannot find it in himself to put as much effort in as he did in his second year, he was pissed or high for most of his first year to say he was putting his uttermost effort in. He is however, well known for bringing the best weed brownies to the tutor group parties. It's a secret recipe he refuses to tell anyone how he does it.

If you've lost Jungwoo on a night out he's 1000% in the smoking area. If he's not lit up he's sat there chatting people up left right and centre. It's his favourite socialisation point and he states he can always find the most interesting people in the smoking area. And normally get a couple of free cigarettes out of it. He's the first to ask if you've got a lighter he can use. He's a big fan of hitting the gay club at about 3am because their drinks are normally cheaper and it stays open the latest. Also because there's a chance he'll bump into a drag queen.

Mark Lee

Included in NCT Dream's version

Lee Donghyuck/ Haechan

Included in NCT Dream's version

Osaki Shotaro

Shotaro is another student studying theatre studies. At first he wanted to just study Dance but then decided he liked the idea of studying more of the entire theatre style. So he randomly applied for one theatre studies course. He was accepted and didn't look back.

Therefore, as part of the group studying theatre he has to take part in the productions the university put on. Well it's not a exact demand for the course but it's heavily implied. And Shotaro doesn't mind, especially when he successfully lands the role of Dance captain every single time. It's his favourite thing to go up to the cast announcement list and see his name next to dance captain. He also loves attending all the costume fittings ensuring to arrive as early as possible and drag it out for a little while longer. It's most likely because he's got a crush on one of the students working on the costumes, but he's way too shy to actually ask them out.

Shotaro can normally be found staying late in some of the practice rooms. Despite his dancing skills, being part of the theatre course means he has to be involved in the other sides and his confidence is lacking. Therefore, he is working his hardest until he feels like he's on par with some of the other students. He mainly gets help from Haechan who's taken a liking to the other boy and the pairs mutual love for Justin Bieber solidified their friendship.

Another lightweight, Shotaro is cautious of how much he has to drink at any point of the night. He likes to still be in control and therefore has never been black out drunk. But he has tried a little bit of everything. Plus Yuta has practically adopted him on nights out and therefore, if Shotaro is tempted for a drink he'll get one but never has to pay for it. And no Yuta doesn't pay for it either but they do con some unsuspecting person into paying for them both.

Jung Sungchan

Sungchan was another confused at first on which subject he wanted to study at university. He was torn between just Media and then the more specific Film Studies. Though after one very intense talk from a Film studies tutor at sixth form he did chose Film studies.

He's also involved in the school productions, he has the responsibility of filming the performances, well at least one or two of them, so that they can upload them to the theatre society's YouTube channel. He is also in charge of organising the lightening of the show when he's not working the camera. When he has to focus on the recording he just ends up praying the lightening works as he leaves it partially under the control of Jisung and knows if he dares has a go at the societies baby he's dead.

Sungchan is that one member of the class who seems to always have the best editing software on his laptop and the most intense amount of knowledge regarding it. When anyone asks he only states it because he didn't want to look like an idiot on his first couple days. The truth is that he runs a rather successful YouTube channel where he makes edits and crack videos. Sony after effects is his best friend.

On a night out Sungchan lets loose. He absolutely loves the feeling of alcohol in his system. He becomes clumsy and for his size it can cause many problems but he wouldn't have it any other way. He tends to have to be guided through a dance floor by someone else to avoid bumping into people and spilling his over priced double vodka and coke. He's desperate to head for food at about 2am and rushes to follow someone the instant they mention being hungry.

[bluerosesonata]

A Window to the Soul: Game Mechanics and Characters in Ai: the Somnium Files

Spoiler-free!

Ai: The Somnium Files is an adventure game/visual novel for PC, PS4, and the Nintendo Switch by Spike Chunsoft in September 2019. Written and directed by Kotaro Uchikoshi, known for his Zero Escape Trilogy (999: Nine Persons, Nine Hours, Nine Doors (DS), Zero Escape: Virtue’s Last Reward (DS), and Zero Time Dilemma (DS, PS Vita, PC), also available as the Zero Escape Trilogy on Steam and PS4), this game once again displays Uchikoshi’s signature combination of suspense, humor, and ludonarrative harmony that fans of his previous games are familiar with, alongside a cast of complex, compelling characters you’ll absolutely fall in love with.

For all my fellow Zero Escape fans, you probably remember the issues the series faced with financing, which ultimately lead to Uchikoshi helping to establish Spike Chunsoft and the eventual release of Zero Time Dilemma. In AitSF, more than ever, the fruits of that partnership are apparent. It feels we finally get to see a complete picture of Uchikoshi’s vision; Featuring fully animated 3d models, fully voiced dialogue, and some incredibly goofy and self-indulgent dance sequences, this murder mystery (and yes, it is a murder mystery) is absolutely worth it’s full price and your time.

The game has multiple endings (About 5, without checking), all leading up to and feeding into the true ending. One notable feature is that the timeline allows you to jump into previous played sections at any point of the chapter, and even provides summaries of the events that happened in each “node,” so unlike in the original 999,  you don’t need to replay through every scene of dialogue to get to each ending.

Rather than spend time analyzing the story itself- something that can’t be done to a satisfying level without spoiling the whole thing- I’ll just say that the way Uchikoshi literally has us get inside the heads of characters by “syncing” with them is a great story device, and is realized extremely well in the gameplay. For me, the Sync was used in all the right places to push me into genuinely caring about some characters, that, without the sync, I would be sympathetic to, but not feel a real sense of attachment towards.

What follows is a breakdown and analysis of how well the gameplay is designed, and some non-spoilery discussion of characterization and character design:

Mechanics:

The core gameplay loop can be broken into two parts: dialogue and investigation, and “syncing.”

The investigation portion of the game is similar to most adventure visual novels- investigating crime scenes, talking to NPCs to advance the story, examining your surroundings, and in my case, clicking on scenery over and over again to get funny flavor dialogue.

The flavor dialogue does not disappoint- and for me, the best minor feature included in the game ties to this. When you click on an object, you get an initial string of dialogue- but the indicator with the name of the object will only get grayed out once you’ve seen all the text related to that object. For some people, this might ruin the “fun” of clicking over and over again- like in 999, where some bits of dialogue would only display on the 9th time examining an object- but for me, it was a godsend, because I didn’t spend any time wondering if I missed anything funny.

The Sync gameplay loop is also mechanically brilliant. Part of the in-universe rules, which are emphasized over and over, is that the main character, Date, can only spend 6 minutes within the subject’s “Somnium”- the internal dreamscape of their mind- and that staying any longer could result in disastrous consequences. As such, each Somnium loop attempt can (hypothetically) be experienced in chunks of about 8-10 minutes. This set time frame makes it a breeze to play the game in small sections at a time and let your mind breathe a bit. The time limitation is challenging, but never infuriating; even when I messed up horribly and knew I had to restart a sync from the beginning, I would just use the time I had remaining to try out the goofier actions available to try out as puzzle solutions.

Somnium Files’ adaptability to being played in long sittings or in short bursts, while still maintaining an engaging, tense narrative is an incredible strength that not all games can boast of. Not a single part of the game felt like a slog or a chore to me, unlike a few puzzles in Zero Time Dilemma, where I ran into the perennial adventure game issue of  “okay, so I have this item, but where do I use it?”, “how the hell do I even solve this puzzle without a guide” (I didn’t), and “what do I need to do to unlock the next sequence?”

Characters

So let’s talk about these good characters. Some of you probably recognized the art style for the game’s key visual as the work of Yusuke Kozaki, best known by many as the head artist and character designer for Fire Emblem: Awakening and Fire Emblem: Fates. Even in his work for the Fire Emblem franchise, you can tell he doesn’t care much for drawing armor- which puts him in the same club as literally every artist I know who draws Fire Emblem fan art. His designs really shine in a contemporary setting, with modern clothing, and really give the cast a unified, unique aesthetic. Moreover, the designs are beautifully translated into 3D as well.

For a game that was most likely well underway in development several years prior to the boom of the subgenre, the design for A-set, (AKA Iris), an in-game internet idol and streamer, is incredibly in line with those of many successful “Virtual Youtubers”- for that alone it deserves some accolades. Fittingly, as part of online promotion for the game, Chunsoft posted a series of video blogs starring  A-set, as if she were posting to her own channel. (I missed all of these, and that’s a real shame, because I think they would have gotten me excited for the game if I had been paying attention.)

Despite Iris’ obvious and engineered marketability, I think my favorite design of the game is Aiba, the AI partner of the main character, whose human form only appears in Somnium and in the realm world as an AR projection imposed in Date’s cybernetic eye. The way her arms fade into glowing, electronic “nerves” at her arms is a subtle reminder of her artificiality, but her design also doesn’t make her more playful and goofy behaviors jarring in the least.

As far as personalities go, I would say that Date, our protagonist, manages to hit the perfect median- maybe even fusion- between the past male protagonists in the Zero Escape trilogy. Junpei, Sigma, and Carlos were all likable in their own ways, as the narrative character, but all had a level of blandness to them. To me, they served more as vehicles for us to participate in the Nonary Games.

In contrast, Date feels very much like his own, established person, and that’s not only a huge strength, but central to the overall narrative. (For all non-ZE fans reading this review- I apologize for the heavy use of ZE comparisons here.) Like Sigma, Date is a bit of a perv, but unlike Sigma in Virtue’s Last Reward, I didn’t feel squicked out by his behavior; Like Carlos, he cares immensely for the people important to him, and puts their wellbeing first; Like Junpei, he’s, also, a loveable moron.

There are other characters- Mizuki in particular- whom I can’t speak too much about without spoiling some of the enjoyment of their character arcs, but all of them have incredibly good and complicated interpersonal relationships both with and outside of Date.

Lastly, there’s Aiba. A good companion character is worth their weight in gold. After all, most of the time, they’re who you spend most of your time with, and for that reason, the more “annoying” ones always catch more flac for being so. For me, Aiba easily slides into my top 10 favorite companion characters of all time, along such members as Maya Fey in the original Ace Attorney trilogy and Midna from Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess. Most of the goofiest sequences in the game are instigated by her, and every time she’s on screen there’s bound to be something fun to do, not to mention the fact she’s our avatar used within Somnium. Combine that and her telepathic banter with Date, and you got a recipe for a dynamic duo.

In closing, every aspect of AitSF is absolutely delightful; It has tightly woven narrative gameplay, wonderful and complex characters, a storyline that, despite my best efforts, I couldn’t unravel the details of before they were revealed- and I didn’t even get into how great the voice acting is. If you’re looking for an enjoyable, self-contained game that you can beat in under 35 hours, Ai: The Somnium Files can’t be beat.

[koolwolfpup]

Day 5: Family

It’s still summer so I couldn’t help but think of the fourth of July when I was thinking about what I wanted to write for the family theme. This is far longer than yesterday’s and golly is it fluffy! Also, boy do I love writing established relationship stuff. Agh it’s so CUTE! Also, yes Gavin is totally responsible for one of Connor’s corgis being named Whoop-Ass. Connor was not at all pleased that the name stuck, though he’s come to accept it. He calls Whoop-Ass ‘Woo’ in public. Also, I am going to post this on my Ao3 as well ;P

For @gav800-week​

The fourth of July has always been an enjoyable holiday for Connor. Enjoyable, not because of the loud, colorful fireworks that light the sky. No, he’s always found it enjoyable because it is a time he can spend with his family.

His first ever July fourth was spent with Hank and Sumo. It was fun up until Hank started drunkenly shooting bottle rockets out of beer cans at the neighbor’s house. At the time, Connor was stressed beyond belief, trying to get the drunken man to stop. Now it’s a fond memory in his database.

His second July fourth found the only RK900 model in existence, dubbed Richard by Hank, and Gavin joining the three. Richard was found hiding not too far from the CyberLife tower in the September of 2039. Markus thought it best that Connor should, being Richard’s predecessor, help the android figure himself out. He ended up permanently staying with Hank and Connor as a sort-of adopted brother to Connor. It was a given that he should celebrate the fourth with them the following year. Gavin, on the other hand, joined after Connor had found out that he had no plans to do anything for the holiday. Gavin still says he was dragged to the event, Connor always rolls his eyes at that. It was strange to find out that Hank and Gavin, in fact, do get along. If only after six beers and a few shots of harder alcohol.

His third July fourth was something. Elijah joined them for the first time, his relationship with Gavin having become less rocky. It still wasn’t optimal, but Connor wanted his boyfriend to be happy. He wanted the two to get along again. He may have made a little error in inviting Elijah that time. Gavin got extremely drunk and shot a roman candle at Elijah who, at the time, was standing inside the house. There was fire, Hank was screaming, Richard, at some point, got soaking wet, and somehow Sumo and Connor’s new corgi puppies, Blithe and Whoop-Ass(Named by Gavin) got loose into the neighborhood. Yes, that whole year had been something.

This year will be his fourth, fourth of July. Elijah was invited again, but this time Gavin invited him. He RSVP’d saying that he’d be bringing a few Chloes with him. When Connor asked for their specific names he just stated that they all like being called Chloe. The android decided to ask them when they arrive.

He is currently helping Richard tidy up Hank’s place, having just arrived himself. He had moved in with Gavin about five months prior. Though it is obvious that the younger android is extremely serious about keeping the house tidy, Hank and Sumo still manage to make a huge mess in little to no time. They’ve finally made it to the kitchen, Richard is making sure all the food he prepared earlier is ready to be served, Connor is wiping off countertops. Richard stops suddenly, blue-grey eyes locking onto Connor.

“If I may, where is Detective Reed?” He asks Connor, raising a brow. “I noticed that you arrived by taxi instead of his car.”

Connor smiles at him.

“Detective Reed insists that you call him Gavin every time he sees you, Richard.” Richard rolls his eyes, Connor just chuckles. “He is making sure the cats have what they need. They get fussy and destructive if we leave them with nothing to do.”

“Reminds me of someone I know.” Hank snorts as he walks into the kitchen. He turns, giving Richard a pointed look.

Richard makes an offended noise.

“In what way am I destructive?”

Hank shrugs.

“Eh, hmm, you throw out my alcohol anytime that you are home alone. Oh, and don’t think I didn’t see that mess you tried to clean up when you thought you could be a painter.”

Connor holds back a giggle.

“I remember that. Paint got all over the carpet. That took months to clean!”

“It was an accident and it did not take months to clean up! Merely days.” Richard huffs cheeks tingeing a soft, embarrassed blue. He turns back to the food with a small grumble. “Honestly! You both always exaggerate when you bring that up.”

To the younger android’s dismay, Hank and Connor laugh at his obvious embarrassment. Connor pats Richard on the shoulder, then turns to face Hank, stifling some of his final chuckles and smiling widely.

“It’s good to be home.”

“Yeah, it’s good that you’re home, Sumo missed sleeping on your bed. Seems that Richard doesn’t allow him on his.” Hank pulls Connor into a hug.

“Too much hair.” Richard says matter-of-factly, still leaning over the food.

“Oh and Richard is very bitchy, you’re the fun one.” Hank adds.

“Mmm, I don’t remember you saying that when I got him to help me force you to start on a better diet.” Connor replies before Richard can give a haughty remark.

Hank pauses and frowns.

“Okay yeah, did I say the fun one? I meant that you are slightly more fun and a bit easier to deal with.” The Lieutenant pulls away with a snort, heading to the fridge. “Speaking of easier to deal with, you better not have thrown away my beer!”

“I didn’t, it’s a holiday, though I am monitoring the lot of you humans after last year.” Richard answers, he is in the middle of taking food to the backyard where a foldable table is set up.

“Hey! That was his asshole of a boyfriend, not me.” Hank growls, gesturing to Connor as he opens a can of beer and takes a swig.

Connor just smiles fondly at the two. Then he hears the door open and he turns, seeing Gavin enter with two leashes in hand. Sumo barks at him, standing and trotting over, tail wagging.

“Blight stop trying to chew Asshole’s leash to bits! Hold the fuck on- Hey Sumo.- and let me take it off!” Gavin kneels down, addressing the two young corgis with his signature nicknames for them. They are wiggling and growling at his feet excitedly. He looks up at Sumo in greeting but obviously, that isn’t enough for the big dog, he almost bowls Gavin over, leaning in and licking his face. “Ah for fuck’s sake! Quit it you big idiot!” Gavin hisses and squirms, not unlike a cat.

Connor smiles wider at the scene in front of him. He sighs and walks over.

“Need some help?”

“No, I’m fine with making out with- BLEGH!” Gavin tries to quip but utterly fails when Sumo sticks his tongue right into the man’s open mouth. He coughs and gags. “OH MY FUCKING- DISGUSTING! AGH! CONNOR CONTROL YOUR DOGS!”

Connor rolls his eyes and calls Sumo over, taking hold of his collar as he unhooks Blithe, then Whoop-Ass. He pets each corgi, letting them lick his hand then run off towards the kitchen to greet the other occupants of the house.

���I’ve warned you many times about talking while he’s licking you, Gavin.”

“I think his tongue went all the way down my throat!” Gavin coughs and retches, getting up from the floor.

“Then you really got what you wished for.” Connor smirks, letting go of Sumo.

“Very funny dipshit.” Gavin growls, walking over to Connor. He lays his head on the android’s shoulder with a soft sigh.

“Awe, did you miss me in the small window of time that we were apart?”

“No, fuck you I’m just tired and your shoulder is surprisingly comfortable.”

Connor smiles softly and gently hugs Gavin. Gavin grumbles but hugs back in response.

“So, how were the cats?” He asks.

The detective raises his head to look at Connor.

“They were fine, Allura was asleep, but I gave them enough food that even Fatty won’t be able to finish it all off before she wakes up. Also, Whoop-Ass chewed up my slippers a-fucking-gain.”

“My apologies, I’ll buy you new ones.” Connor sighs and kisses Gavin’s forehead. “He must like how you don’t wash your feet often enough.” The android earns a swift hand bat from his human partner for that remark. He swiftly dodges it with a chuckle.

“Stop being gay in my living room!” Hank calls from the kitchen.

“We can do whatever we want old man!” Gavin answers, flipping Hank off. Hank returns the gesture. Connor just sighs and shakes his head.

____

Elijah arrives about an hour later. He gives Gavin a hug and smiles at Connor with the same, creepy smile as always. It makes Connor feel as if he is back in Cyber Life being tested, taken apart, and studied, but he’s come to know that that is just how Elijah is. Three Chloes are with him, including the original. When Connor asks they confirm that yes, they do all prefer being referred to as Chloe. He is a bit confused, but he respects their choice.

The group of humans and androids gradually begin to move outside as the sun sets and the air cools. There is a bit of help from a very crabby, already drunk Hank who is quite vocal about how there are far too many people in his house. The backyard isn’t spacious, but it is much easier to maneuver in, it also currently has the food and drinks so no one complains.

Connor spots Gavin playing with Sumo, Blithe, and Whoop-Ass. For a man who claims to be a cat person who only tolerates dogs because of Connor, Gavin sure does enjoy playing with the three. Well, when he thinks no one is watching of course. Connor walks over and kneels down next to Gavin without a word, letting their shoulders brush against each other. The man in question jumps slightly, muttering a curse word under his breath and something along the lines of still needing to get Connor an effing bell. The android just hums in response, grabbing the rope chew toy that both Blithe and Whoop-Ass are fervently tugging on. The two dogs give little growls of excitement as Connor pulls at it gently.

“Oh come on Con, you have to pull on it harder than that!” Gavin exclaims, grabbing the toy from Connor’s hands like an impatient child. He tugs hard, pulling the dogs across the grass as they growl menacingly at him and wriggle.

“Gavin, that is bad for their teeth.” Connor reprimands the man beside him softly, unable to keep himself from smiling as he watches him play with the two young dogs. Sumo takes this chance to lick his face. “I didn’t forget about you Sumo.” He snorts and hugs the big dog, ruffling his thick fur.

“Hey Con look at this!”

Connor looks over to see Gavin holding the rope toy above the ground by its middle, the two Corgis dangling on each end, growling and flopping like two fish on a line.

“That…. is really bad for their teeth.”

“Psh, they’ll be fine.” Gavin rolls his eyes, though he still lowers the dogs to the ground.

“Thank you.” Connor leans over and kisses Gavin gently. It was meant to be chaste and quick, but as soon as he begins to pull away, Gavin pulls him back in for more. The android smiles into the kiss, lifting a hand up to cup his lover’s cheek.

“Ew, disgusting, I don’t want to see that in my backyard!” Hank growls, gagging for emphasis.

“Do get a room if you plan to do anything further.” Richard makes a face. Though he has a reason, he did walk in on them a couple of times when Connor was still living with him and Hank.

“Not one of mine!” The Lieutenant shouts as he ambles toward the house. “I’m getting more beer, Gavin, Elijah?”

Gavin pulls away from Connor.

“We were just kissing dumbfucks! Yeah, I want one.”

Elijah shakes his head.

“No thank you, I have wine.”

“M‘kay,” Hank responds and walks inside.

“The firework show is scheduled to start soon.” Richard states. He is in the middle of rolling out a blanket on the grass. “I’ve calculated that this spot will be the optimal place to view them this year.” He finishes his task and sits cross-legged on the blanket.

“Pff you too much of a wimp to sit on the grass like a normal man?” Gavin snorts.

“I’d rather not get my clothing covered in soil. Unlike you two. And I’m sure there are others here who appreciate not sitting directly on the grass as well.” Richard doesn’t look all that phased at Gavin’s attempt at a jab.

“I appreciate it.” Elijah smiles, sitting daintily on the blanket.

Gavin rolls his eyes.

“You are both such princesses. Even the Chloes don’t care!” He gestures to them, they are all sitting in the grass chatting with one another.

“What the hell is happening, Richard why is one of my good blankets out here?” Hank has reemerged, two beers in his hands.

“One, this is not one of your good blankets, it is riddled with holes. Two, the soil is filled with things I don’t want on my clothes a-” Richard begins.

Hank cuts him off with a loud sigh.

“Nevermind, nevermind, I don’t give a shit, god you’re a princess.” He makes his way over to Connor and Gavin, handing the latter one of the beers and sitting down.

Gavin snorts and takes the beer.

“Thanks. Glad to see you are also on the side of people who aren’t absolute neat freaks.”

Richard opens his mouth, then closes it, looking away. Elijah just smiles into his glass as he takes a sip.

They spend a few more minutes chatting and tossing soft-boiled insults back and forth before the fireworks start. When they do begin, Richard avidly tells everyone to ‘Please shut up’ so he can concentrate. Connor finds it cute how excited the other android gets when he sees fireworks despite his mature exterior, though he is sure Richard would never admit to his excitement. He’d probably say that he is far too professional to enjoy the explosive light show.

Connor will admit to liking them. Though, he does find them somewhat impractical. They may be pretty to watch when they light up the sky, but they aren’t that healthy for the environment. They also scare animals. In fact, as soon as the first firework lights the sky, crackling loudly, Sumo, Blithe, and Whoop-Ass go running for cover. Their cover being Hank, Connor, and Gavin respectively. Connor pets Blithe behind the ears to reassure and calm her, she whimpers and licks his hand. He hears a loud ‘Ughf!’ and looks over to see Sumo trying to clamber into Hank’s lap.

“For fuck’s sake Sumo, they are only fireworks!” Hank grunts, nearly spilling his beer into the grass as he tries to regain his balance. “God your fat, Richard, how much have you been feeding him?!”

“The specified amount for dogs his size and age, the only one that overfeeds him is you.” The younger android barely glances in Hank’s direction, still watching the fireworks.

Connor snorts, then feels Gavin lean into him. He turns his head and smiles at him. Gavin’s lips upturn slightly in return. They look into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. Connor swears it feels like an eternity and not even a second at all at the same time. Normally, he would revel at emotions and how they make time feel different and strange, but now he is too busy leaning in and kissing the man before him. Too busy forgetting the fireworks and getting overwhelmed by the feeling of warmth, happiness, and love.

The next thing he knows is that the fireworks are over and Richard is commenting on how this show was leagues better than the one last year. Oh well, Connor doesn’t mind missing most of it, not one bit. He had a firework show of his own happening in his mind. He chuckles at the thought of Richard making a face upon hearing that cheesy thought out loud.

He is brought abruptly out of his thoughts when Hank walks past him, multiple bottle rockets and roman candles in hand. Gavin gets up to get a few and ends up arguing with Hank about the roman candles. Richard looks horrified, obviously replaying the events of last year in his mind. Elijah watches, bemused from where he stands with the Chloes. Far away from the danger zone, hopefully.

Oh no.

Connor quickly gets up to try to stop his boyfriend and his father from catching themselves or the house on fire.

Oh, how he loves the fourth of July.

[clodplaye]

The Best Day of My Life: September 23rd, 2017.

For those that care, read below:

On September 23rd, 2017, my 15 year dream became a reality.

I don’t think people understand and/or take me seriously when I say that this band changed my life.

Most people have seen a viral video of an autistic boy who was moved by Coldplay playing “Fix You” live. Ladies and gentlemen, that was me when I was 5 years old (hence the “15 year dream.” I’m currently 20 years old). When I was 5, A Rush of Blood to the Head was released (2002). I first heard “Clocks” on the radio on the way to kindergarten/elementary school. Like my fellow autistic in that viral video, I too, was moved by the ambience of Coldplay. Ever since, Coldplay has literally been the only music I listen to (well, except Adam Young AKA Owl City, but that’s a different story..).

If it weren’t for Coldplay, I would not be a singer-songwriter. Why do you think most of my covers are of Coldplay? My voice was shaped by Chris Martin’s unique and identifiable vocals. (Most) autistics have what’s known as “echolalia.” You know how parrots repeat stuff back that humans say? That’s what echolalia is. That’s how I learned how to sing: I mimicked Chris’ voice. All of their songs give me inspiration in one way or another as well. There is no band like Coldplay, and that’s why they’re the biggest band in the world.

For 15 years, I listened to every new song that came out; as soon as it came out. I remember in middle school, my best friend and I were freaking out over Mylo Xyloto. When I heard Coldplay were coming to Seattle back then, I was already crying. My dreams were crushed when my mom said, “You have school the next day.” I was 14. My 8th grade year and life were ruined in an instant.

Then I heard about Ghost Stories, but also heard about how small the tour was. I didn’t get my hopes up anyways, because Ghost Stories was actually my least favorite album. I thought for sure that it would be the last album Coldplay would ever release…

of course, I was wrong.

When I heard about A Head Full of Dreams, I was over the moon. I was so hopeful that this tour was going to be huge. Besides, Coldplay themselves said it might be their last album. When they announced the first leg of the American tour, I was extremely sad to see that Seattle or anywhere in the Pacific Northwest weren’t included. I had a feeling that they’d be back, but I honestly thought it wouldn’t happen…

but in October of 2016, that announcement was real.

I saw it. In that quick few seconds of that announcement video, I saw the abbreviation, “WA,” of course meaning Washington State.

I dropped my phone. My dreams weren’t shattered after all. From that moment, I swore that I was going to get those tickets to see the men that “ruined” and saved my life.

As soon as those tickets went onsale, I was ready. At first, I was only getting seats off the floor, “What? Why is this happening?? Why can’t I choose my seat?!?!” My mom knew how big of a fan I was, and I started bawling to her. “Calm down, Sweetheart. You’ll get those tickets, and we’ll do whatever it takes.” This was the woman that got mad when I told her that I wanted to be adopted by Chris Martin when I was 8 years old… anyways, I did calm down, and I tried using a different browser. By some stroke of luck… I got those tickets by the B-stage, and you better believe I bought them as fast as I could.

I cried I bawled. I just lost it. The concert was over a year away, but I was so ready to see my idols.

————————————————————————————————–

That day finally arrived on that beautiful day in September of 2017. I couldn’t believe that nearly a year flew by.

The day started off with waking up at 11:00am and taking over an hour to put all of my stuff together. I then met up with my friend and we got a few snacks before heading to the stadium.

We arrived at CenturyLink about an hour prior to them opening the gates. We were the second ones in line, too! As soon as those gates opened, we received our Xylobands and love buttons. I was already feeling the love from Coldplay and their entire team. Then, after buying some merchandise, we finally walked onto the field.

Now, I should also mention that the Seahawks also play at CenturyLink, and my family have been season ticket holders; also since 2002. I have never in my life walked onto that field before. So when I stepped onto that field… I nearly fainted.

Not only did the Seahawks (my other idols) play here, but the stage that I’d only seen in pictures for 2 years… was right in front of us. Just… right in front of us. Tears literally streamed down my face. My friend didn’t judge me at all, but I knew I was a hot mess. I had no idea if I was going to make it through the whole show (literally).

I then found our seats, and of course, we took a few pictures. I didn’t actually realize that we were only about 10 feet away from the B-stage. I thought for sure we’d be further away. Yep, I also flipped out then.

Alina Baraz was fantastic. I don’t usually like opening acts, but Alina did such an amazing job. Her voice and her stage presence were very soothing. Dare I say she was actually better than Tove Lo (in my opinion). Then again… I’m not really a big fan of Tove Lo. Sure, she’s got a great voice, but as an asexual (a sex-repulsed asexual), her music makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. I found myself shaking my head during some of her songs.

Okay, and now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

BOI WHEN THAT INTRO STARTED, I WAS SHOOKETH.

This was the only part of the show that I’d actually seen before-hand. I knew Chris was going to run down to the B-stage and do that flying thing he always does during the bridge of “A Head Full of Dreams,” but I still wasn’t prepared. I was already bawling again. I couldn’t believe it was him. I couldn’t believe it was Coldplay. I couldn’t believe they were in my city.

Throughout the show, Chris kept mentioning how much he loved Seattle. He mentioned Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Soundgarden, and how he would try to do ‘em justice (which of course he did). That small tribute to Chris Cornell also made me tear up. Soundgarden was another band I grew up with. Chris also mentioned that the first show they ever played in the United States was at The Showbox in Seattle. I had to look it up, but it’s true. I couldn’t believe it. I was only 4 when they played there, but it was still awesome to hear. When the whole band moved to the B-stage, I held up the front of my sign. For those that don’t know, the front of my sign said, “After 15 years of waiting… [My] Head Full of Dreams came true today (Coldplayer since 2002). #believeinlove”  I believe Jonny saw my sign, because he looooked in myyyyy direction (sorry…), and he went from being serious to being extremely happy (nearly laughing)! That made me feel so good. At least one of the members saw my sign. I’m pretty sure Chris saw it too, but it was too far away for him to read at the time. He squinted trying to read it, but yeah… I think he noticed it. Doesn’t matter if he did or not though, I (somewhat) hope that Coldplay discovers my account… one day… maybe they already have… Also, before the show, a person working for the event came up to my friend and I and said, “The band is going to walk right by your seats to the C-stage later tonight. Get your phones ready!” He was really nice the whole night. The other security people… not so much. When that moment finally came during the show, I was right in front of the tape they put out for the band so they had a clear path to the C-Stage. I nearly touched Chris, but was still 3 feet away from him. My arms weren’t long enough. I still bawled like a freaking child, though. Finally, Chris said the following dialogue on the C-stage:

“So… when we were just off-stage a second ago, Will said, ‘The reason why this audience is so good is because they’re called, ‘The 12th Man.’’ Is that correct?” *audience fucking cheers loud af* “No wonder your football team is so fucking good because they got you on their side, so that’s amazing! Ah… I wish we could take you everywhere…” I fucking died when he said that.

Meanwhile, the concert went by lightening fast. When they started playing “Up&Up,” I couldn’t believe it was already over. I didn’t even cry; I was in shock.

I never understood why some people on here wrote really long, sappy posts about the show. Now I do.

From now on, I am reading every new post about the show from someone else’s experience. Now I understand why people share their experience. We all know that this band is what brought a lot of us, and the world together, but I never knew how big of an impact they made on other people.

I said this already, and I’ll say it again. I’m sorry to my future (adopted) children, but that night was the best fucking night of my life, and it will always be. I can’t even explain how I felt during that show. If you haven’t seen Coldplay live, you need to. It will change your life. That was the most “Fun” (which, they didn’t play live??) I’ve ever had in my whole life. Seeing the men that I’ve looked up to since I was a little kid… how do you even come close to explaining that?

Chris: “… I hope we’ll always come back as long as you want us to; whether it’s The Showbox or CenturyLink!”

I sincerely hope so. Chris, Jonny, Guy, Will, Phil, and the rest of the team: from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You gave me a show and a night that I will never forget. Those 15 years of waiting were certainly worth it. “See You Soon”… -PJ (AKA Clodplaye; that chick that makes fun of you in the best way possible)

PS: HIGHLIGHTS (TL;DR)

Chris didn’t fuck up during the concert

Chris said that their first show in the US was at The Showbox in Seattle (I know exactly where that is, and I freaked)

Chris sang a tribute to Chris Cornell (Soundgarden; formed in Seattle) at the end of “The Scientist” (”Black Hole Sun”)

Chris: “Pearl Jam forever. Nirvana forever. Soundgarden forever,” and also said (somewhere) at the beginning of the show that he hope(d) Coldplay would “do ‘em justice” (they did in my opinion) 

“And this time, I’m gonna say, ‘JUMP’, let’s really fucking jump!!!!” ~Chris Martin

The band praising “The 12th Man” (now known as “The 12s,” actually), and how loud and amazing we were (I would know, I’ve been going to every Seahawks home game since I was 5 years old as well)

Coldplay didn’t play my request song. They played “Us Against the World” (another request from Instagram) because of the live album! Chris said: “Now listen, I know some of you are superfans, and you probably say, 'You know, they keep getting the same song requested,’” *laughs* “and you’re right, you’ve called us out! We’re making this live album, and uh… we wanna put this song on it-” *bangs tooth on microphone* “…is there a great dentist in the room? Anyway, …because we feel like we never quite got it right on record. …this evening, we’re gonna try another take… maybe with Seattle and the 12th man… with a banged up tooth, maybe we can capture the right performance tonight with all of you, that would be wonderful. Thank you for letting us keep requesting the same song.” It finally made sense, and I was nodding in agreement when Chris said the superfan part. LOL… I’m still salty that “42” wasn’t played, though…

WILL SANG “DON’T PANIC” INSTEAD OF CHRIS AND/OR JONNY

I left my icon picture on my chair (my reputation is out the window already, what the hell)

They didn’t play “Fun” live...

A PSA that I fucking died and had an out-of-body experience that night

[katiebruce]

Year of the Silver Star

It’s taken me a while to sit down and right my annual end-of-the-year post. Normally, I’ve got this post done in the weeks leading up to New Year’s Eve, or, at the very least, the night before. Yet, here we are.

 I think part of it is my fear of letting go of what was such an incredible year for me. I know I’m basically alone in having had a great 2017—that’s okay, I’m usually an outcast anyways—but also a sense that I’ve peaked and will now plateau, if not avalanche, downwards into both my Saturn Return and my thirties. Whatever it may be, I owe it to both one of the best years of my life and one of the strangest starts to a new year I’ve ever had to document it.

 So, here it is.

 I started 2017 doing one of my favorite things: being out of the country. Sure, I was working, and sure, I wasn’t with my most favorite people, or in one of my favorite cities (not to shade Toronto, by any means)—but I had a good time. I had this overall feeling of excitement and change and that air of “anything is possible” that often accompanies the completion of a year--but somehow more than ever before. Something just felt right.

 I knew that starting the year off out of the country would provide ample travel opportunities and I made no hesitation in starting that right away. My best friend and I flew to Philly for a weekend—to see one of our favorite emo bands, mind you—and explored the frigid city in all its historic glory. About a week later, I flew to Vegas for my roommate’s bachelorette party, which, in and of itself, was easily one of the most eventful things that happened last year…

 February came and I turned 28 and celebrated with my girl gang at a library themed, Oscar Wilde bar. We got LIT-erary. I still find that fucking hilarious. We ended the night at our favorite watering hole, The good old Owl and ended up getting called The Spice Girls which was actually such a revelation for us (and even though Nicole wasn’t there, she somehow was the fifth we needed and the universe fucking knew it.)

 About a week or so later, me, Bethany and Lo flew across the fucking pond. We traveled London, Liverpool and Edinburgh for a week and froze our bloody arse’s off. In London, Lauren and I had a most memorable night where we were both kissed by a rose and wound up and a Beyonce bash, complete with face masks of Bey and all. I was catcalled in the most British way possible: “Oi, that’s a big bottom!” and I ended up meeting a guy we referred to as Mr. Grey for the better part of the year. He and I would, uh, well, fuck it. We’d have facetime sex at like, the most awkward hours and tbh it was sexy and made me feel great and I walked a little lighter and enjoyed how silly it was for a while. Of course, it ended a few months in, as these things often do, but I can’t deny the fun I had and I feel like I shouldn’t. Everyone should have sex with a sex monster (yes, that’s what I’m going to refer to him as now) at least once in their life. It was a wild ride.

 Beebs and I got inked in Liverpool on an absolute whim, and I had a sixty-year-old man tell me about the time he saw Bowie on the Ziggy Stardust tour as we listened to Lorde and he forever immortalized my love of The Thin White Duke on my forearm. This is when I really started letting go last year; I’m not very good at being impulsive. I may appear to be, but deep down I have grave anxiety about pretty much anything I do. I’ve just been lucky enough to have people who are willing to tolerate it and help me work past it in my adult life. But something changed in me in Liverpool, that drunken night where I not only decided I would get inked but thought up the concept mere hours before having it forever, and I can say I completely allowed this new girl to inhabit me and take over for the remainder of the year.

 I fell in love with Edinburgh and decided that, should I pursue a Master’s degree in the next few years, I’ll be going to school there. I’ve never felt quite as home as I did there. (I realize I’ve always said that about London, but trust me, if something was ever going to top Lahndo, it must be true love.)

 Me and the girls (all sexed up from chatting with all the foreign boys we did) had a most memorable night when we got home getting drunk at a sex store together and spending a collective $800 or so dollars on toys and lingerie. Self-care, bitches.

 In March, I watched as my roommates committed to a beautiful forever together. It was also my first time as a bridesmaid, and holy cow are weddings a lot of work. I’ve always said I’ll have a tiny wedding, if not just elope, but holy hell the experience from the inside only solidified that in my mind.

 Spring came and went and I grew my hair longer and cut it short again, yearned for warmth and visited my sister in Florida & flew to visit Kris in his newly adopted city of Denver. This is also around the time where I went on a few Tinder dates (Lord, help me) and fell, soul-crushingly head over heels for a guy I met one fleeting day at work…

 I took Acid on a third date which resulted in it also being The Last Date, but it made me see text messages as bubbles and I battled a dragon trying to get money from and ATM and watched a Star Wars for the first time (and last time) and had an evening of bad, trippy sex. Nothing like hallucinogenics to make you realize you are not in sync with another person, lol.

 So it goes.

 I traveled Europe for two weeks with Ellie which was lovely and exhausting. I returned to my beloved Italy, which was huge for me, as I always wanted to go before it had been ten years since the last time I stepped foot in the first foreign country I ever visited. We got drunk in San Marco Square and listened to battling string quartets and fell in love with foreign men we were too afraid to talk to and I was old enough this time around to know not to order a Long Island iced tea from a bartender who barely understood English in the first place…

 We eventually, by some form of absolute witchcraft, caught a flight to the tiny Greek island of Santorini and legit lived in a cave house for five days. We walked all over that tiny island and I let the sea breeze cleanse my skin and my hair and my heart and my mind. We watched the sunset every evening as if it were a spectacle to behold (it was—it always is) and just really let ourselves tell time by nature, and how it made our bodies feel. It was really a humbling experience to be in a place that’s so, so small. Going to Athens (via a ten hour ferry ride, mind you) was a bit of culture shock after being so confined for so long. Being in one of the most Eastern cities in Europe, however, really just made my itching to go to the middle east even more dire.

 I had a rough summer in terms of mental health; I hate summer flying (& the debilitating crush I mentioned above seemingly saved me—for like a week—and then left just as fleetingly as it arrived and left me in a pretty low place. I still dream about the guy regularly; I had two separate one’s last night.)

 I started taking Xanax again. Because, well, life is hard and my roommate has a prescription.

 I got to explore the beautiful, beautiful part of Wyoming that is Yellowstone National Park and got to see the beautiful, beautiful human being my best friend is becoming in the process. For a few days we camped, explored, and just really took in nature—even a death storm that threatened to turn our tent into a boat—it was a beautiful experience and I’m glad Nicole has found a place to call her home surrounding her with such beautiful, expressive people.

 August came and with the promise of September on its heels, I started to feel like myself again. Virgo season always does it to me; it’s my polar opposite and therefore, my most compatible sign. Ellie and I got another round of impulsive tattoos; strawberries—a quote stolen from Shakespeare that really just became a euphemism for our friendship throughout the year. We went to riot fest and I saw New Order and cried and Paramore (for the first time since I was, like, nineteen… and while we’re in a side note, let me just mention how much After Laughter was very much the soundtrack to my year and I’m not ashamed to admit it) and Ellie cried and we just had a very fun few days in the hot Chicago heat.

 I chose to recover from this by getting yet another tattoo; my largest & most intricate to date, so that made for an interesting, but wonderful day. It’s also worth noting that I got it in the south side of Chicago so, like, if I ever go to prison at least I’ve got that going for me.

 I returned to Milwaukee and had a riotous night with my girls where I got hit on by two famous band members and it was like, the stuff dreams are made of. I know it’s silly to assign worth to someone’s fame, but you have someone hit on you who has, like, a million Instagram followers & songs in like fifty different movies and see how it makes you feel & then judge me. This also started my love affair with the lesser famous band member who I’ve now entered into some weird “see you around Chicago” love affair thing for the past few months where we both flirt and ignore each other simultaneously. It’s wild.

 I saw so many bands and cried to so many songs and discovered so many artists and felt all the things.

 Friendsgiving came, and Nicole came, & along with her came The Con X tour. Without getting too into it, that was a huge shifting point for me & 2017 in general. The Con was an album that saved my life both metaphorically & also, like, physically, and to be able to stand outside of the depression that nearly took my life ten years prior and say, loudly, “I am still here and I like my life and sort of like the person I am but I am also trying to become better each and every day and it’s all very much worth it” is beautiful and powerful thing.

 My mom and I spent a wonderful weekend in Vancouver, exploring the cold north and even got to go whale watching, which was, honestly, one of the most breathtaking, awe inspiring experiences I’ve ever taken part in. Nothing will make you feel as small as floating in a yellow zodiac in the middle of the ocean surrounded by six Orcas and a baby (but fucking huge!) humpback whale will. Nature does a good job of reminding us of just how insignificant we are.

 The holidays just passed and I forgot about two ex-lover’s birthdays until days after each had past. I’m a big fan of dates; so this, too, was a huge thing for me. My Saturn Return stressed me out for months, yet finally arrived, subtlety, yet very directly. I assigned all my turmoil the Mercury Retrograde and the moon’s rotation yet also tried to use that bad air as a way to propel myself further into becoming better in some odd way. 

I spent a week at home in Tampa and the past week here in Chicago and I’ve been reflective and passive towards the new year, which is new for me. I celebrated the end of one of my favorite years, Year of the Silver Star, seeing Twin Peaks at one of my favorite venues in the world. I’ve lately adopted such a deep, profound love for Chicago that I can’t say was always there. I’ve always loved it here; don’t get me wrong. But lately I’ve just got this overwhelming sense of pride about living here and the person it’s shaped me to be. I truly live in the greatest city in America; it’s such a quiet, best kept-secret and it’s all fucking mine.

 So, in saying goodbye, I realize I am also going to be mourning the death of a good friend to me—2017—in the process. There’s a certain amount of fear that comes after having such a good year. Can anything else compare? Where will I go from here? What does the future hold for my small, insignificant experience on this planet?

 At least David Bowie can’t die again.

 2018 has had a slow, humble start. I think that’s going to be the theme, though—slow and steady. I’m cautious because I’m aging (twenty-nine in a few weeks. twenty-fucking-nine!) but also because of my fear and understanding of Saturn Return. I was just becoming comfortable with impulsive kb, and am now being faced with a wise, considerate version of myself. I’m really trying to act thoughtfully & with reason.

 I will not invite toxic relationships, old or new, into my life. I will not settle for less than what I what, just because I am afraid to voice what I do want. I will not let anything stop my travel plans—and boy, do I have a lot of them for this year.

 I will move out of my apartment, my home for the last seven years, in four short months. I will turn a new leaf. I will (finally) graduate college. I will likely have bad sex. But, I will also have good sex. Really, really good sex. I can feel it; it’s vaginal intuition. I will visit India and bask in the beauty of the Taj Mahal and dream of a love so wild that someone might dream of building me something so grand in order to express their feelings for me some day. I will visit Australia and New Zealand, Iceland, China and who knows where else. I will continue to learn about myself, slowly, humbly, and try to embrace the woman I am and the one I want to become.

So, 2018, Year of the Stardust, I salute you and your intrinsic ability to control what’s next for me. I know it’s going to be a transitional year; that’s inevitable. But I will do my best to accept your place in my life with open arms and love. I will try every day to better understand my place in this world, and what’s next for me. I will continue to grow up. I will end my twenties with you!

 I eagerly await your lessons and turmoil, & burn sage in beginning you, officially, tonight. (After all, it’s a full moon and that feels more like a fresh start than some mortal-made calendar, anyways.)

Cheers to you, Stardust. May the crumbling of my Silver Star bring only beauty within you.

[readbetweentheselines]

Exactly a year ago and probably until now, I never thought that I would see you the way I see you today. We surely didn’t experience “love at the first sight”, we barely speak, hangouts together, except when you greet me at the Church on Sunday, except when you ask me to come to youth fellowship, except when you try to approach me to be more involved in the youth activities. Yes, until now sometimes I regret that I blow all those chances to get to know you back then.

It was on the beginning of 2018 when I decided to come to youth fellowship more often. It was not because of you of course but I guess it was the moment when our story begins. Last night you asked me what have been changed in this past year, here is my answer in a long-complicated-kind of romantic way (well if it’s not, at least I tried ok?) 🙂

On March 2018 (approximately, based on Instagram) this youth fellowship had an outbound event. We were in the same group, what a coincidence right? But I see you as Wilem the Ketua PKMB and an older guy who lead this group. I reminisce that moment and realized how we were so close yet so far. (yea u kno why.)

Later on, you asked me to join as pengurus in this certain organization, popularly known as PKMB (so I won’t mention youth fellowship again) and I was like “Wow this is so exciting!” (re: No. I just want to impress you) so I replied you accordingly by saying yes. Did you doubt me at that moment? Maybe. Because as I remembered, it didn’t take hours to reply you like I always did. Anyway thank you for trusting me, because due to our lack of convo, it was the right decision to not to trust me on such a big responsibility because you know me like zero, but I guess my CV was credible enough for you.

At that moment, our convo and our meetings are increased as we should prepare for fellowship event every week and others PKMB activity. One of our convo probably was like:

“De dea. Minggu ini jadi pj bisa nda?” or “De dea. Minggu ini jadi pj gantiin Angel bisa nda?”

10 hours later, after 9 hours saw that chat from the pop-up notification.

“Sorry baru bales Mas. Aku bisa.”

Dea loves being on time (and Wilem too) but instead at the meeting for arrange schedule and PIC for PKMB, I admit that I avoided for being on time because I was too shy and too awkward to have a convo with only Wilem 😊 [DEA’S TOP SECRET] I didn’t know why I acted that way when it comes to seeing you. I always got insecure every time you questioned me because Wilem always has questions about anything, every time, everywhere.

After that, nothing is special. We followed the routine as pengurus, when without you knowing, I secretly observe, notice and pay attention to you. I came up with this conclusion that you are a truly nice and caring person who took care everything and anybody, from that moment I started to take more responsibility to lighten up your burden to run PKMB. I became a “Yes-girl” ((noun) a girl who says yes when someone ask her for a help).

On September PKMB had this fellowship trip event. Prior to that event we should prepare a place. First we went to Emalta, at that time again I was too shy and too awkward to let you pick me up. Hehe. Hehe. So I took Pandu with me. [ANOTHER DEA’S TOP SECRET] I think you realized that I probably have been repeating this “too shy and too awkward to let you pick me up” thing for many times.

“Padahal rumah mu kan juga di Jalan Kaliurang De.” Just. Don’t. Ask.

SO. Fellowship trip event.

“Wilem sama Dea aja. Kan pas tuh bonceng-boncengan.”

I finally let you drove me to the beach. Thank you. Thank you for making those 4 hours round trip became not-so-awkward and for listening to my story. I admit that I’ve been prepared being asked for many questions by you hahahaha. That was the first time I sat on the backseat of the motorbike that you drive and no of course I didn’t hug you from behind. I held on the backseat of the motorbike, which if I do that now you’ll be pissed 🙂

“Kayak sama tukang ojek aja”.

But in fact you are my mas ojek, right? Because you drive me crazy everyday 😊😊😊

Thank God I didn’t fell down because “De kita agak ngebut gakpapa ya.” You were such a gentleman for ask those permission!

That was such a new experience for me, because I’ve been too independent back then, that I won’t let anyone (preferably boys) to drive me wkwkwk. It was fun though, riding a motorbike with you, talking about my wishes and future. Now I realize it soothed my thoughts and brain and burden as a final year student struggling on finishing my thesis. You reminded me to be relax for once.

“Kayaknya bisa diprospek nih”, was it something in your mind when you decided to make your move towards me? Because if I’m not mistaken, everything was started at that time after the beach.

My thesis defense, you were there, with your fav tee and those scary beard.

“Temen kamu tuh kayak Alex Abad De”

We took a picture, the first picture ever taken together!

After my thesis defense, texting had become our routine, every day, that one day I felt weird when you didn’t text me. Maybe that was the time when I feel that I need you more than just before.

“Eh De. Clean or with beard?”

What should I answer mas? WKWKWK I was too polite to say I don’t quite like your beard that way, but in other thought, I remembered I used to go crazy with boys with beard (re: fan girl-ing). You should google Paul DiGiovanni, Martin Johnson, Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat. (waktu dan tempat dipersilakan).

“With beard is okay, asalkan rapi”.

I honestly don’t know what were you headed to that time, but all I know was you are such a nice person and I could be wrong if I have this certain feeling towards you. But at the same time I enjoyed every moment with you. I think you have broken my wall.

It was dawn, 4 a.m maybe when you suddenly asked me to video-call me.

Deg-degan tau gak sih. Telponan nggak pernah, eh ini video call!!!!!!

“De, mau nggak lebih dari temen?” (Wilem gengsi mode)

“Wait. What? so this is real?” that was me inside my head, but what you saw was Dea kaget dan melotot. I felt relieved “Okay Dea, it is safe for you now. But don’t be easy.”

Hahahaha okay so later on, for about 2 or 3 weeks we let everybody wonder what was going on between us, until it become so awkward.

“Jadi aku kalo ditanya harus jawab apa?”

“Terserah.”

Long story short, at the midnight of 10 November 2019

“Jadi sekarang pacaran nih”

“Iya dong.”

Something moved me to have a commitment with you.

The beginning of our relationship was hard. You didn’t have my mom’s blessing, we were about to face long distance relationship, I was shadowed by my past then it threatens you, I was having a transition where I become “tidak terlalu ekspresif dalam pacaran”, you were so so SO gengsian, and all those tiny, small, big, huge, giant rocks on our relationship, but look? We survived a goddamn year 🤗💖

You are exactly the person I need after suffered for couples of breakup, you are the best, the most mature, the gentlest, the most kind hearted one (cry).

I was SO HAPPY when you moved to Jakarta. I never know how my life in Jabodetabek without you. I will still alive, ok? Hahah but with you, it is much better because I am complete.

We are the better person now, and will be even better person for each other every day. Such a simple sentence but it is enough to express how grateful I am and describe what’s been change in this past year.

I love you, mas. You already knew it. Happy anniversary, hope this enough to appreciate yesterday’s effort. You are the best boyfriend ever 😭💖

[jawblade-a-blog]

REALLY  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.   RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !   TAGGED.  by myself   TAGGING.  all y’all lovely people GIMME YOUR IN DEPTH CHARACTER HEADCANONS

BASICS.

FULL  NAME :   Takashi Shirogane ( 白銀隆 ) NICKNAME :   Shiro AGE :  25 BIRTHDAY :   October 21st ETHNIC  GROUP :  Japanese NATIONALITY :   Japanese-American LANGUAGE / S : English, Japanese, bits of Altean and Galran SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  asexual ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  aromantic RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :   single HOME  TOWN / AREA :  Yokohama, Kanagawa Prefecture, Honshu, Japan CURRENT  HOME :   Castle of Lions PROFESSION :  Black Paladin, leader of Team Voltron

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: deep black and cut short, the sides and back of his head shaved into an undercut. one long patch is left at the front, a forelock that hangs down over his forehead, reaching down just shy of his eyes. while this forelock used to be the same black as the rest of his hair, it’s now white, the colour lost under the severe stress he faced in Galra captivity. EYES :   a dark grey in colour, sometimes looking from a distance to be a deep brown or black. long eyelashes. FACE :  strong, sharp jawline, high cheekbones, long and straight nose, thick eyebrows. LIPS :   average, perhaps leaning on the thin side – often quite dry or cracked. COMPLEXION :  pale, but in a sickly, unnaturally caused kind of way, caused by complete lack of sunlight and possibly other events from his time in captivity. eyes often have dark circles beneath them. BLEMISHES :   none SCARS :  most notably, the lateral scar running across his nose, gained in a gladiator battle. the rest of his body is littered with scars, of all different varieties. large, jagged gashes, thin but deep lines, claw marks, sword slices, burns – just about anything you can think of. the placings are all very random, all clearly gained from battle, some overlapping. none of it is a pretty nor attractive sight, one of the many reasons he always has so much of his body covered. as well, there is a great deal of scarring on the bicep of his right arm, where skin meets the metal of his prosthetic. TATTOOS :  none HEIGHT :   6′2″ WEIGHT :   182 lbs. BUILD :   muscular and fit. chest and arms particularly toned, though his legs aren’t lacking in muscle mass. FEATURES :   Galran cybernetic prosthetic arm. ALLERGIES :   none, as far as he’s aware. USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  kind of just how he wakes up. the only hair he really has that can be styled is his forelock, which is generally left alone. USUAL  FACE  LOOK :   clean-shaven. USUAL  CLOTHING :   not a lot of clothing variety in the middle of space. outside of his armour and his usual outfit though, he’d stick to long sleeves. lots of sweaters or shirts with long sleeves. his style always used to be very casual and comfortable.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S :   loss of those he cares for. isolation. captivity. the possibility that he might not be a good person, that he’s every bit a monster that the Galra are with everything he’s done and is capable of doing. loss of control. panic attacks. flashbacks. ASPIRATION / S :   defeat Zarkon and free those who have been under his control or enslaved by him. keep the other paladins as innocent as he can/they should be at their ages. keep the other paladins alive and get them all home safely. find and save matt and commander holt. work with keith to develop and show him his capabilities. POSITIVE  TRAITS :   loyal | supportive | patient | reliable | practical | observant | compassionate NEGATIVE  TRAITS :   represses feelings | paranoid | pessimistic | solemn | on occasion can let emotion direct him to reckless action | self-sacrificing MBTI :   DEFENDER ( ISFJ-A ) ZODIAC :   libra TEMPEREMENT :   melancholic SOUL  TYPE / S :    leader, helper, caregiver ANIMALS :   sable VICE  HABIT / S :    jaw clenching, finger tapping, biting the inside of his lip/cheek FAITH :  none GHOSTS ? :   doesn’t believe AFTERLIFE ? :   doesn’t believe REINCARNATION ? :   doesn’t believe ALIENS ? :   i mean. he wishes they weren’t real sometimes. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  vol…tron?? whatever being against zarkon is. EDUCATION  LEVEL :    high. graduated the Galaxy Garrison at the top of his class.

FAMILY.

FATHER :    doesn’t really remember or know much about him MOTHER :    deceased. SIBLINGS :   Keith Kogane, adopted brother EXTENDED  FAMILY :   n/a. NAME  MEANING / S :    隆 ( takashi ), meaning “noble, prosperous”;  白銀 ( shirogane ), meaning “silver” HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :   n/a.

FAVORITES.

BOOK :  a brief history of time by stephen hawking MOVIE :   n/a – he needs to pick a new one because all his old favourites are sci-fi and those are a lot less fun after you’ve lived it. 5  SONGS :  n/a ( forgive me, i’ve not settled on his favourite music yet ) DEITY :   n/a HOLIDAY :   new years MONTH :   september SEASON :   autumn PLACE :    his home – the one where he grew up and lived with his mom after moving from japan when he was very young. the home where he watched Keith grow up. WEATHER :   cool, but not cold. sunny, but with clouds in the sky and the chance of rain. SOUND :   wind blowing past leaves in the trees SCENT / S :    rain, freshly dried laundry, mom’s tonkatsu TASTE / S :    subtle flavours, most things fruity FEEL / S :   anything that isn’t metal. soft, anything that screams ‘comfort’ ANIMAL / S :    wolves NUMBER :  11 – his favourite time is 11:11 COLORS :   he’s been rethinking these, since a lot of his favourites now remind him of not so pleasant things these days.

EXTRA.

TALENTS :  leadership, knowing the right thing to say in most circumstances, combat – particularly hand to hand, picking up on and memorizing patterns, improvising, observation – particularly of people and their behaviours, ticks, etc. BAD  AT :  handling his own emotions, seeing his own value TURN  ONS :   n/a TURN  OFFS :   n/a HOBBIES :    exercising, sparring, reading, distracting himself from his thoughts and anxieties, avoiding sleep, spending time with those he cares about, cuddling TROPES :   Broken Ace, Awesome by Analysis, Team Dad, I Am a Monster, 100% Adoration Rating, Not So Above it All QUOTES :     “ If you get too worried about what could go wrong, you might miss a chance to do something great. ” “ Patience yields focus. ”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 :   uhhh i mean, since he’s a very main character, i get quite a bit of what i want from canon ngl. buuuut i’d love some full backstory of his life prior to kerberos, plus everything that happened while the galra had him prisoner. Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 :   oh god, idk. music with deep, heavy lyrics, but ultimately with optimistic messages? Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 :    okay so i’m a big red vs. blue fan, and i was seeing all kinds of people talking on tumblr about how shiro is so much like wash, who happens to be my favourite character and my biggest, oldest muse. finally caved and watch voltron, and… shiro ticks like, all of my boxes for a favourite character + character i can relate to on some levels. he’s complex, he’s broken, he struggles a lot internally but holds it together and helps others, he’s team dad, he’s self-sacrificing… i could go on, i really could. Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 :   oh. uhm. see the answer above. i heard he was v much like wash except more chill and much less jaded, and also who could escape hearing him referred to as ‘space dad’. i’m weak for space/team dads. Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 :   holy shit nothing. i love him and his strengths and his flaws. Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 :   mm… we both believe more in others than ourselves, both v supportive of those we care about… there may be more??? but those stick out to me the most. Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 :   “Please stop playing on my fears” basically Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 :    everyone??? i love getting to explore the older brother/dad dynamic he has with the rest of the paladins, and how it differs between the four. also love the dynamic between enemies, particularly those who put him on edge, or worse. Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :    honestly i tend to wake up with inspiration bc he’s become my strongest muse, right up there with wash, buuuuut rewatching canon, having intense discussions about canon or AUs, and doing character analysis all give me an extra boost of inspiration, for sure. Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?           A10 :    like half the fucking day, holy shit. granted, my focus is shit and it’s not the only thing i’ve been doing. multitasking.

[orangelilies13]

I’ve always been a planner. Your typical “Type A.” I could never pretend that i don’t have all these little lists of things that I need to get done – ranging from simple grocery store lists, to future home project, and more serious lists like life goals. I’ve learned how to navigate the twists and turns of my plans going awry and needing to adapt and remake my list.

The thing about me is that while I have things planned out, I’m also ready to adapt and be a little spontaneous. Plans are just outlines. A rough draft. Something that can always be manipulated to get back on track.

But none of us were ready for 2020.

How could we learn to deal with a pandemic? None of us have lived through anything like this. How is it possible to adapt when there are so many unknowns? Spontaneity got dumped right out the window when our safer-at-home orders came through.

It will come as no surprise, but our first few months of this hit hardest for me. For most of us, really. We couldn’t see family or friends. Restaurants closed. Wisconsin bars closed! (Yes this is serious!) We couldn’t travel. All our plans got cancelled. All of them. It felt like there was no end in sight.

But one thing remained a constant in my life.

Running.

I started my ultra-marathon training in January. For a race in September. Official training started in April, but I needed to “pre-train” to get to the level I needed to be to just start training. Training for an ultra-marathon was something I never thought I would do. Even though I did a lot of running by myself in those first few months, it was that ONE thing in my life that didn’t change. Running was one thing I wasn’t afraid to do. For the first time in my life, I was afraid to see family and friends. I didn’t want to get gas in my car. I didn’t want to go grocery shopping. I even had a quarantine birthday. But running kept me sane. As best it could anyway.

That’s the thing about plans though. They always change. No matter what you think that constant is. Something is going to sweep you off your feet and force you to change. Even if you think you are standing on solid ground. You’re not.

May 9th. This was the last time I really ran through trails. I pulled my groin muscle. I can only assume it was from the constant dodging back and forth over rocks and leaping over tree branches. At first, it was what felt like a little pull. It didn’t hurt during my run. I described it as, “It feels like my quads after I run. They are sore after a run like the usual expected fatigue. No shooting pain during or after a run.” I decided to stop trail running, but continue my training on pavement for now. I could handle that. A small change which kept me away from some of my running partners, but a necessary change as to not aggravate muscles any more than I needed to.

May 23rd. My 18 mile run went so smoothly. I had continued my training on pavement. I needed to keep some sort of normalcy in my day to day life. I made sure to ice and stretch and really stay in tune to how my body was feeling. There wasn’t anything more than a little soreness which would last for not even a day, and then I felt as good as new.

May 26th. Plans. Out. The. Window. My 6 mile run ended abruptly 3 miles in. I tripped over an uneven sidewalk, and as I stumbled forward, catching myself from falling on the pavement, I jammed my leg into the ground, sending a shooting pain down my leg and my groin that had me stop running and walk the 3 miles home. This wasn’t the rough draft of an outline that I thought I’d ever have to rework. I didn’t want to not be able to run. I walked a mile, and tried to jog a little bit. Nope. It hurt. I wished in that moment that I would have just let myself fall. A bunch of scrapes on my arm would have been better than a jammed leg, right? This bump in the road wasn’t a contingency I planned for.

I stopped running for a few days. I felt a little lost without that one thing in my life that I could always count on being there. It forced me to learn even more about adapting to change, even if I didn’t want to. I attempted to run June 3rd, but that was a mistake. After talking with a few friends who had groin injuries before, I decided that I needed to just take the time off. Pounding the pavement wasn’t what I needed. I tried a test run with my bike to see how I would feel. I figured that there wasn’t as much impact on my legs with bike riding than there was with running.

To my surprise, I felt great. I went into the bike ride thinking that I would need to walk it home. I wanted to have low expectations in order to not be disappointed. I think the hardest thing about training for anything is when it gets derailed. To know the limits between pushing yourself hard and pushing yourself to prolong an injury is a hard line to find. But I took a step back from running and hopped on my bike.

It was such a pleasant surprise how much I enjoyed biking. I used it as a second form of transportation, but really, it was my source of cardio. Between June 1st and June 17th, I put in 150 miles on my bike.

I never once experienced any pain. Soreness, yes, but that’s expected. And it was mostly in my quads and calves. Not anywhere else. I was learning more limits for myself and taking steps out of my own comfort zone:

– My first 30 mile bike ride – Riding down busy roads isn’t as scary as I thought it would be – Riding at night is way more fun than nerve-wracking – Being more comfortable alone – Finding out that a 13-20 mile bike ride day didn’t knock me out – Not caring about random ass sweat marks in public 🙂 – Embracing some serious tan lines

I found a love for biking that I never thought I’d have. To be fair, the bikes I have been on before were not my own and not as nice, so the seat hurt. A lot. It turned me off to biking. No one wants to go on a bike ride and not be able to sit later. But that didn’t happen.

Between Jun 17th and the 25th, I did some yoga and a handful of runs: a few 2 milers to start, then two 6 milers, a couple 5Ks and a 4 mile. I never once felt any pain. It was such a relief. I was starting to second guess how long I would be out.

My running buddy and I have both been out on injuries, but doing so well. We have a planned marathon on July 4th. Both of us really wanted to get on track with training for our ultra again and decided to take a shot and see how a 20 miler would do. We got up early Friday morning (Jun 26) and ran 20 miles, and both felt great during the entire run! It’s such an accomplishment to run 20 miles in the first place, but we’ve dealt with some serious wrenches in the training plan. I’m really proud of both of us.

I’m pretty sure I stretched for the entirety of Friday and Saturday. And iced more times than I could count. Was I a little afraid I took it too far? Yeah. Kind of. At this point I started planning for the worst case scenario. How could we not after the year we’ve been having? After all, my last long run was a month prior. I kept telling Melissa that we would be alright. That muscle memory would just kick in. And we would just stop if either one of us felt like we were pushing too much. We dialed down the pace and talked the entire time.

And just like that, the bump in the road that I thought would end up derailing my entire training, ended up not being so bad after all. To be able to pick yourself up from whatever situation you are in and rework that life list and get back on track… it’s such a proud and happy moment. Especially when there are so many unknowns.

I should have ran 150 miles in June. RAN. 150 miles.  I ended June with 50 running miles, and 160 biking miles (which is about the cardio equivalent of roughly 54 running miles) To me, that’s a big deal. It feels so far off my training plan. I’m sure by now, there have been a few thoughts from readers (if they even got this far) of, “Really? But it was an injury that barely took you out from training. It could have been so much worse!”

Of course it could have been worse. No matter what situation you’re in, something is always worse. But what does comparing do? Honestly. Think about that. What purpose does comparing have? Our ups and downs in life shouldn’t be measured against someone else’s ups and downs. Who is to say what is worse and what isn’t worse? Feelings are feelings and those are valid. That constant need to one up each other is the reason I haven’t really talked about this… until now.

Since March and the start of coronavirus, I started to surround myself with a true tribe of badass women, and yes, men too. While my change in plans may have seemed small, it had a huge impact on me.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to have to rework your plans as many times as you need to. It’s okay to not even know what your plan is going to be. It’s okay to change your mind about how you feel about a certain topic after learning new developments. I learned a little bit of confidence in some of my decisions. I’ve spoken out a little more about what I want, which has probably turned some people off to me, but I’ve gotten closer to some of my friends because of it. It’s okay to want to be alone. And there’s no reason to make up an excuse to not hang out or go to an event. “I don’t want to” is an acceptable reason. It’s ok to talk about failures. It isn’t always meant to be taken as “please pity me,” but instead, “hey, you’re not alone.” You never know who is going through things.

2020 is not over. And from what we’ve seen so far, I’m not sure what Jumanji level we will end up at in December.

I know I’ll be challenged again and again when it comes to life, and training, and work, an anything else that life decides to throw at me (but like, please murder hornets, stay away).

One thing I know is for sure: The only actual constant in my life… is change.

  Bump In The Road I've always been a planner. Your typical "Type A." I could never pretend that i don't have all these little lists of things that I need to get done - ranging from simple grocery store lists, to future home project, and more serious lists like life goals.

[irarelypostanything]

The Well - everything started in Ferraro’s class

The year is 2010.  The eight of us are at a restaurant in Sunset called Kikis, sporting our buildOn shirts from a community service event at the San Francisco Zoo.  I think it happened once a month, we needed the volunteer hours, and in exchange for gardening you got a fun train ride and hot cocoa.

Fair trade, if you ask me.

I don’t know who, at the table, asked everyone to share their life stories.  It sounds like a pretty Evan thing to do--taking a normal lunch and treating it like it was some kind of interview.  But everyone went with it.

Amy excitedly talked about growing up in Japan, her mother’s career as a professor, and coming to the states at an early age (Andy asked if her mother had a Wikipedia page, to which she replied “probably”).  Tony talked about his mother, and the various jobs she held.  I talked about my brother at length and my life’s goal of becoming different from him even though, when I reflect on everything, it seems clear that my real goal in high school was to try to be like him.  David, being David, said one sentence, the other David joked about his various random ties to South America, and then Herman dropped an incredibly interesting story about a friend he made in Japan, his father’s printing company, and his father’s various business endeavors with and against his own family.

High school, junior year.  High school was being really excited when I managed to get six and a half hours of sleep.  High school was writing complaint emails to teachers that were rude on my part and irritable on theirs.  High school was being disappointed in September with 1800s on two practice SATs, but then seeing steady improvement over ten consecutive simulations.  Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, but that’s just the story as I would tell it.

Tony might talk about the Robots Competition.  David might talk about track.  Herman always had his own things, and Bill was always interested in teaching, but for me...

...for me, everything really started in Ferraro’s class.

*****

And it’s so interesting to think about that, for me.  We were 15 and 16.  Prior to that class, I had never written a single line of code.

Mr. Ferraro, which is what I still call him to this day, is on the projector.  He’s explaining how we’ll implement parts of the GUI, but he makes it clear that what he cares about is process.  Process.  I’m partnered with Yalli.  Yalli is one of the most experienced, as well as one of the most competent (he took programming out of the country, a few years back), but he’s getting really frustrated with making this graph render.  Jon Kwok and Tang are partnered, and they get it.  Jon Tang walks over (I didn’t realize how quickly he was getting the hang of this class), explains a few things, and walks away.  Yalli listens intently, but then comments out the things Jon has added and tries to go back to thinking it through his own way.  I try to jot down Jon’s words in memory.  You subtract the second quartile from the fourth quartile...

Herman is like a god compared to the rest of us.  Well, except Bill.  Well, except also maybe Carl.  Okay maybe a few people, but at the time it seems like he’s a god compared to us.  William is really patient, so he has the right PROCESS, but he isn’t as experienced.  And Bill...Bill is a natural teacher.  I show him the quadratic program I coded, after explaining my approach, via Facebook on some weekend.  He goes through it with me, line by line, and explains that the method was right but the driver wasn’t.

Ferraro’s class means Ben frantically submitting a problem set on a Muni bus with poor reception.  Ferraro’s class means accessing the site early to check problem set grades, since he himself has told us that the site is not secured and we can modify parts of the website query.  Ferraro’s class means checking SchoolLoop for the free response grades to complement the multiple choice, setting up Eclipse on an ancient computer under the shelf...

...And we’re riding out on a K one morning, Jeffery arriving early with cinnamon buns he bought at Burger King.  Ellie jokes with the Galileo instructor that maybe if we recursively add enough 0s, eventually we’ll get a number greater than 0.  Afterward we go ice skating, and Nicole tries to help me, and Ellie explains that she’ll go but she’s pretty busy (even then, she was busy as hell) and wanted to see her boyfriend.  But her boyfriend shows up later.

And we were 15 and 16.

*****

I saw Nicole a couple weeks ago.  She works at Dropbox now and, ten years later, I think she looks exactly the same.

[awkwardlyamusing-blog]

How to irresponsibly train for a half marathon • Long Beach Post Sports

New Post has been published on http://doggietrainingclasses.com/how-to-irresponsibly-train-for-a-half-marathon-%e2%80%a2-long-beach-post-sports/

How to irresponsibly train for a half marathon • Long Beach Post Sports

Maybe it was the post-wedding euphoria, or perhaps a post-birthday fog, but for some reason I agreed to run the Jet Blue Long Beach Half-Marathon in June. The problem is I waited until September to start training in earnest for the 13.1-mile race that’s happening next month.

Sure, my boss thinks highly of my running abilities, and suggests that I’ll blow away the field of three that will be competing from our newsroom. She even says I could do it with a hangover which may have been true 10 years ago.

But now I’m a 33-year-old man with a dog-dad bod who hasn’t run with any conviction or regularity since completing my last full marathon in Chicago in 2015. That day I finished in 3 hours and 45 minutes. October 13, 2019 will likely be a different story.

Some half-fast tips on getting started for the marathon

There are approximately 31 more days until the day of the race and if I’m dedicated to training over these next five weeks that means I have about 23 more opportunities to train. Even when comparing to Runner’s World’s most ambitious training schedules, I’m about five weeks behind the eightball and I’m pretty sure those 10-week courses are designed for people already in shape.

Sure, I squeezed in some exercising while I was on my honeymoon. I ran with a local chapter of an international drinking club (with a running problem) in Rwanda. As I struggled to keep up with the locals in Kigali’s 5,100 feet of elevation, the local children cheered me on, clapping and shouted “Mzungu”—that’s Bantu for white person—as I trotted by like Pumba.

I have to admit, there’s something motivational about public humiliation. I once took a spill in the neighborhood while switching songs on a run and I’m certain I’ve never run faster in my life to exit that street in the event that someone witnessed that graceless tumble.

The wife and I did summit Mount Kilimanjaro but, sadly, those extra red blood cells have been drowned out by IPAs since our return to the States last month. So I started my training slow.

On Friday I hit the gym. It was hot out. I ran five miles while testing out my new phone holder which conveniently clips to the treadmill and bends so that I can position episodes of “Making a Murderer” right in front of my face. The run was… okay. Five miles in 40 minutes isn’t terrible, but I know from past experience that I need to be able to do much more than that at this stage in the game, and definitely with less heavy breathing.

So, I consulted an expert.

Just over three years ago I wrote a story about AREC, a local running club which responsibly trains runners to be able to complete full and half-marathons. At the time, Todd Rose was the president. Todd is a much more accomplished runner than I am having completed 13 marathons and hundreds of other shorter distance races. Sprinkle in a few triathlons and a half and full ironman competition and, well, you get the point.

I wanted to ask Todd how much trouble I’m in and get some relevant tips that I shouldn’t’ be trusted to provide to our readers. Here’s how our conversation went.

How stupid am I for waiting so long to start training?

Well… that’s pretty stupid, but it just depends on where you’re at. Where you’re at in your training. You said you’re varied right now. Let’s see, it’s five weeks out, you said?

Yeah, the Long Beach Marathon is in about five weeks.

If you think about it, our [AREC] half-marathon training, two weeks prior to the race they do their last long run which is a 12-mile training run. So, in three weeks they’ll do the 12-miler. The week before that they’re probably going incrementally up by one mile or so each time or doing ten [miles] then dropping to eight [miles] then jumping to 12. That kind of mileage each week for their long runs then doing a couple of other shorter runs during the week as well.

Ideally, as a coach, where would you want someone to be in terms of being comfortable running? If I had to go out right now being five weeks out, I should be comfortable running X amount of miles?

Right now I would say 8-10.

Oh boy.

You’ll be able to finish without doing a 12-mile training run prior to the race. If you got up to a 10-miler, that’s great too. Adrenaline and slowing down on race day will take you the rest of the way, no problem. If you can get up to a 10-mile run that would be ideal. If you can’t, heck, I know a lot of people who have done half-marathons with their longest runs being only six to eight miles.

That’s probably where I’m going to be by the time race day comes around. Right now, I think just based on muscle memory and generally being in okay shape, I could go and do about four miles right now.

I think I know the answer to this based on personal experience, but you said I’d be able to finish. But what’s the difference between the day after when you’ve correctly trained and when you haven’t?

Finishing and running well and feeling great the whole time are two very different things. I think you’ll be able to finish. Strong will, adrenaline, slowing down your pace will all help get you there. And you should be able to finish.

As long as you don’t go out from the start line too fast. Take it easy, enjoy it, have a lot of fun and you’ll finish. And you may actually feel fine the next day as well. I still think you’re probably going to hurt a little bit after 13.

Right. I’m anticipating the pain.

You’ll probably hurt a bit but when you’ve done proper training up to say, 10-, 11-, 12-mile training runs prior to that or even up to the distance [13.1 miles]. Some people train to as high as a 16-miler so when they do the 13 it feels pretty easy.

So, in terms of my condensed training-window here, what should I be aiming for in terms of mileage per week?

How many days per week can you get out there, are you getting out there, and can you get out there the rest of the time? Is it two or three? What do you think you’re going to do?

I have to get serious about this so probably four to five.

Todd: Well, just remember, it’s not like cramming for a test. It’s almost impossible to make up that milage that you haven’t had until now. It’s hard to cram as many miles as you can or there’s a good chance you may actually injure yourself prior to race day and then you won’t even make the starting line healthy. You don’t want that.

So I’d just say play it by ear and get out there and do a long run, whatever that might be. Four or five miles right now, that’s fine. See how you feel and I would shoot for three days a week and if you feel good after the first week, the second week go up to four days a week. One day is your long run, if you can make that five, then the next week six, then the next week seven, the next week eight. Something like that.

The other runs are going to be shorter. You don’t want to do those long runs all the time because you’re really going to be pushing your body pretty hard.

And that’s doable.

Club Provides Companionship and Expertise in Training for the Ultimate Runner’s Experience

Unlike me, Todd is very optimistic about my stamina and my ability to stick to a plan.

By his math I have about 17 days to get up to an eight-mile run. I used to have an eight-mile run that I’d complete with regularity but now would just result in mom’s spaghetti, or whatever else I ate prior, ending up on the sidewalk.

But I’ll share it with you.

It’s approximately eight miles from the eastern end of the bike/pedestrian path in Belmont Shore to Shoreline Village and back. If you want to make it more interesting throw in some pushups every mile. It helps with the boredom and focuses my anger on the pushups instead of the monotony of running that everyone dreads.

But Todd makes an excellent point. No matter where you’re at in your training and fitness level, your body will always tell you when you’re doing too much. Listen to it. Rest when you need it and push harder when you can.

Running has always been a unique sport for me because unless you’re literally one of the best in the world you’re really only racing yourself. Try to improve day-by-day and honor the progress that you make, even if it’s just a few seconds.

September 30 is my goal date for doing this run again, sans pushups. Either way, I’ll be out on the course, October 13. Come cheer me on, or make fun of the Mzungu, like the kids in Rwanda.

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[fadingfartconnoisseur]

Digital Nomad Life in Canggu – Our Time in Bali

It has been a while since we wrote a life-update here on Goats On The Road and I figured now was a good time to do so. If you’ve been following the blog, Facebook or you’re subscribed to our newsletter, you’ll know that we’ve spent the past 3 months living in Canggu Bali.

While Dariece and I do typically travel for most of the year, the rest of the time we usually spend living somewhere, laying down temporary roots and getting some work done.

These days, Bali is quickly becoming the new capital of digital nomadism, online entrepreneurship and remote work. With a decent visa regime, blazing fast internet, excellent restaurants, a good selection of long-term accommodation options and all the amenities one could ask for, it’s no wonder that this Indonesian island is slowly surpassing Chiang Mai as the new base for location independent workers.

We had heard so much about the online atmosphere of Canggu and we figured, after nearly 10 years since our last visit, it was time to return to Bali, but this time as temporary expats rather than travellers.

Working & Growing

Dariece and I both love living somewhere and working on our blog almost as much as we love travelling. Goats On The Road is our baby and we do enjoy waking up each morning, making a nice cup of espresso coffee and sitting down to work for a few hours on our laptops.

That is why we chose to come to Canggu. Not only is it a beautiful place to live, with small pockets of rice paddies blanketing the terrain in brilliant greens, breathtaking beaches along the coast, intricate architecture, friendly people and a unique culture, it’s also excellent for work.

We have quite a few things that we want to set up on the website and it has taken a considerable amount of time to do so. In fact, we spent 2 months working in Thailand prior to this, so in total it has been nearly 5 months of us being relatively stationary and we’re still not finished our current goals on the site.

One of the main reasons that we didn’t get as much work done as we had hoped is that our stay here in Bali was broken up for numerous reasons. First, I went away on an epic scuba diving trip with the Indonesian tourism board and Dariece (as a non-diver) stayed back in Canggu. Then we couldn’t find a villa that we liked (more on that later). And finally, Dariece unexpectedly went back to Canada for two weeks. By the end of the three months, we didn’t feel as “settled” as we had hoped.

Making Friends

Another part of the reason that we didn’t get as much done on the business as we wanted is the fact that Canggu is so much fun. We met up with our new friends Tom & Anna from Adventure In You and while they are great co-working buddies and we talked a lot about business, they’re also great party friends.

On quite a few occasions we ended up having a “pool party” at our villa (really just the four of us drinking wine and dancing to music by the pool) and we had a blast. As digital nomads and full-time travellers, we really miss having friends. At home in Canada, we had our normal group of friends and our family, who we turned to for fun, companionship and support.

Being away from home, our families are still extremely supportive and we’re very fortunate to stay close to them while overseas, but sadly, we rarely (if ever) talk to our friends from Canada. This is why it is always so important to us that we meet up with our nomadic friends whenever we can.

Tom and Anna are definitely the newest addition to our worldwide friends and we’ll make the effort to meet up with them again soon somewhere else. This past year, we’ve met up with nearly a dozen of our transient colleagues all over the world. They all part of our new “crew” and we’re extremely grateful to have them.

Living Life

Aside from working on the business and hanging out with friends, we use the time spent living places to deal with the basic life necessities that you can’t avoid (even as homeless nomads ). We had some health issues pop up that we had to work on (don’t worry, everything’s okay), and Dariece went back to Canada to be with a family member in a time of need.

All in all, the act of settling in, albeit temporarily, is always good for our minds, bodies and souls.

Canggu Bali was the perfect place to do just that. Relax, health up, rejuvenate and develop our business. This place is truly a mecca for remote businesses of all types. We’ve never been somewhere with such an entrepreneurial vibe and it’s invaluable for us as a growing business to learn from others’ successes and to grow in a community of like minded souls.

Every single cafe in this town has electrical sockets on every wall and they basically expect that you’re going to bust out your computer and plug away for a few hours after your meal. Aside from the regular cafes that are well set up for digital productivity, there are also numerous co-working spaces available as well.

The difference with co-working spaces is that they typically have ergonomic seating, faster wifi, conference rooms, community events and useful marketing conferences. We only attended one talk at Dojo Co-Working space, but it was great and we learned a lot about SEO there.

To become a member of a co-working space, you generally have to pay a weekly or monthly subscription fee, which grants you limited or unlimited access to the bandwidth and facilities. Since Dariece and I typically do the majority of our work from home, we didn’t pay for a subscription, but instead utilized the many cafes and co-working spaces that offer limited time (often 2 hours) for free.

Even if you don’t choose to work in a designated co-working space, you can be at pretty much any cafe or restaurant in town and the people at the table next to you will likely be talking about business. You’ll hear the terms “passive income”, “email marketing”, “SEO”, “drop shipping” & “crypto currencies” being thrown around like cliches. We loved being surrounded with such a positive business energy in Canggu.

Needless to say, we learnt a lot while living here and we were really able to begin the steps needed to take our blog and business to the next level.

But enough about business. While that was a big part of the reason for us coming to Canggu and it did occupy about 4 hours per day in our lives, we did a lot more here than just work on our laptops!

Why Canggu?

Canggu is set on the southwestern coast of Bali along a massive 5 km long stretch of dark sand that, although technically split into 5 parts, is usually just referred to as “Canggu Beach”. There are dozens of funky little beach bars, beach clubs and cool restaurants set right on the water – most of which have comfy bean bag chairs sprawling out towards the surging tides.

Although there are some spots where you can safely go in for a dunk here (which we did many times), it’s more of a surf beach than it is a swimming beach. Nevertheless, the crashing waves and brave surfers make for an entertaining sight while you’re chilling on a bean bag and enjoying a fresh coconut.

We spent quite a bit of time on the beach, either people watching, swimming, lounging around, watching sunset or walking on the beach in the late afternoon. We also tried surfing a couple of times and it was a blast. We went out ourselves one time and completely failed, then another day our friends Tom and Anna took me out (Dariece relaxed on the beach) and I actually rode a few waves!

We also did some yoga while here, well… let me clarify. Dariece did yoga and I kind of worked out a couple of times at the villa. We were a little disappointed in ourselves when it came to exercise. Digital nomads often use their stationary months to “health up”, which is what we planned to do, but in the end there was more work and relaxation than there was excercise.

Canggu is packed full of amazing yoga studios, gyms and martial arts centers which we could have taken advantage of while here. Instead, we found ourselves spending more time chilling on the beach, going for walks and hanging out by our beautiful pool at our villa.

Next time…

Our Villa

We spent days searching around Bali for the perfect place to stay and I have to say that we were pretty disappointed with what we found. Most of the places we looked at were older, run down and some even had mould on the walls and ceiling. And we’re not talking about cheap places here. Dariece and I had a pretty decent budget of around $1,500 a month to find a private pool villa, but we were not having much luck at first.

We looked on Airbnb, in Facebook Groups and in person around town and we soon came to realize that we were here in total peak season (which runs from June – September). All of the good villas were taken by other travellers and nomads and nothing was available for the full 3 months that we planned to stay.

However, after over a week of searching and viewing nearly a dozen villas and houses around Canggu, we finally found the perfect place. We found a lovely, modern, Balinese style 2 bedroom private pool villa that was within our budget!

This place has a massive bath tub, 3 bathrooms, 2 beautiful bedrooms with comfy king sized beds, cleaning service 3 times a week and full pool cleaning service, as well as fast wifi, an oven, stove, and a large fridge. It has been perfect for us!

While we were having a hard time finding a good place at first, as the peak season drew to a close, we started to see loads of gorgeous villas suddenly becoming available. The value for money in Bali is amazing. The villa we rented in Canggu would likely be 4 times the price in Canada, and at least double the price even in an inexpensive country like Mexico or Colombia.

The value for money, especially when it comes to accommodation and food, is simply fantastic in Bali. The cost of living is extremely low here compared to western countries, and the standard of life for expats living here is very high.

While we did spend quite a bit on our accommodation because we were looking in that price range, we found plenty of other places that were much cheaper. Shortly after checking into our villa, we saw another 1 bedroom private pool villa become available that was just $400 / month! Amazing. We maybe would have stayed there if we hadn’t already chosen our place, but we’re still happy to have had this one.

Cons of Living in Canggu

If we had one complaint about the villa, and indeed about Canggu as a whole, it would be the traffic. It’s busy here. Not only is there a lot of motorbikes and cars on the road, but many tourists (and some locals) opt for custom motorbikes that are obnoxiously loud.

We opted for a (much) quieter 125cc moped that got us around the area easily and only cost $55 / month to rent! If you come here, we highly recommend that you get yourself a motorbike, but if you’re not experienced, consider using cheap transport apps to get a motorbike and driver to take you around (more on this later).

If you come here and manage to find a place to stay that’s tucked down a quiet road, you may not be so annoyed by the traffic, but our beautiful villa was unfortunately set right on a shortcut. During the day at rush hours, we could hear the drone of traffic, but at night, luckily, it was silent.

Aside from the traffic, the only real con we have for Bali and Canggu is the pollution. There’s some trash on the sides of the roads, sometimes rice paddies are used as refuse dumping grounds and there’s a considerable amount of burning (though mostly just of rice paddies).

In the winter months, from November to February, the pollution is at it’s worst. The locals call this “the garbage season”, with loads of trash and sometimes sewage flooding down from the mountains and onto the beaches. It’s definitely an issue for the area, but luckily there are amazing beach clean-up crews that hit the sand and pick up trash pretty much every week.

Pros Of Living in Canggu

During the summer months, there is little to no garbage on the beach, the rivers are clean enough to swim in and there is limited burning. The weather here is spectacular and the golden sun gleaming off of the emerald rice terraces is an amazing sight to see. Late afternoon motorbike rides are scenic, evening walks on the beach are romantic and the people here are friendly and kind.

Another major pro of Canggu is the food scene. This is probably the single best foodie city we’ve ever been to. I’m not comparing Indonesian cuisine to food meccas like Italy, India, China, Japan and Mexico, I’m simply saying that there are a ton of world-class restaurants in a very small space.

A Delicious Maui Poke Bowl From Polynesian Owned Moana Fish Eatery in Canggu

Indonesian food itself, though not as good as Thai or Indian, is very tasty and there are plenty of local warungs (basic traditional local restaurants) all around Canggu.

But foodies can rejoice because there’s much more than just Indonesian specialties here. Millennial health food is the main cuisine here and while the stereotypical “smashed avo on toast” features predominantly on pretty much every menu, there’s also an enormous selection of healthy eats from poke bowls and sushi to paninis and salads.

You can literally find anything you want to eat here in Canggu. We even found a fantastic Georgian restaurant, incredible Indian food, a delicious Brazilian barbecue and some world-class burgers.

To add to the incredible food scene and the online atmosphere here in Bali, there’s a cool app called Go-Jek. Currently only available in Indonesia, this is the single best app I’ve ever downloaded on my phone and the only one that I’m truly sad I’ll have to live without (when we leave Indonesia).

Go-Jek like Uber, but it’s a delivery app for pretty much everything under the sun. There’s Go-Food for restaurant delivery, Go-Shop for other purchases, Go-Massage for massage (obviously), Go-Clean for housekeeping, Go-Jek for a motorbike lift, Go-Car for a taxi, Go-Box for moving day, Go-Glam for makeovers, Go-Med for medical supply delivery and much more.

There’s even a separate app called The Dose that allows you to deliver a doctor with IV to your house to administer intravenous medication or hydration! We used a separate company called Probia who came to our villa to take my blood and submit it to the lab for testing.

​

Convenience is on a whole other level in Canggu. I know there are some delivery apps in other countries (including Canada), but I’ve never been somewhere that you can order literally anything you need to your doorstep, and follow the driver on the map as he or she delivers it to you…for a small fee of around $0.50 – $1.50. It felt like we were living in the future.

Since we started this travelling lifestyle back in 2008, we’ve been fortunate to have lived in some pretty cool places. We spent nearly a year in a half on the beautiful island of Grenada in the Caribbean, spent a couple months in a casita on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, we lived on the Mediterranean island of Malta in Europe for 2 months, stayed in luxury pool villa in Koh Samui Thailand for 2 months and we had shorter term apartment rentals in Croatia, Bosnia, Chile, Argentina and Mexico.

View from our Lakeside Casa in Guatemala

Of all of these places where we laid down temporary roots, I’d have to say that Canggu is my favourite. We just clicked here. We weren’t travelling around the island, experiencing culture, exploring nature or delving into the local cuisine, we were just living.

We set up a life here and despite some minor flaws and speed bumps along the way, Canggu was our home. We had a little bit of a routine, we found many different restaurants that we returned to time and time again, we had a few friends here and just felt like we were part of a community.

Overall, our stay here was very good for us. We needed a break and we needed to feel settled, if just for a few months.

What’s Next For Us

By the time you read this post, we’ll have already left Canggu, Bali. Our next destination is a place that I’ve personally had on my travel bucket list since before we started travelling, JAPAN! We land on my birthday and Dariece has planned an incredible 2 week itinerary for my bday celebration.

We’ll start in Tokyo where we’ll spend 5 days exploring the chaotic capital, and from there we’ll head to Kyoto, where we’ll see some of the history and religious architecture of Japan, and finally we’ll be in the mountain villages near Takayama, where we’ll be swimming in hot springs, hiking and exploring the forest (if there’s not too much snow!).

We can’t wait to get this trip started and share it with all of you.

If you’re interested in living in Canggu as a digital nomad or travelling to Bali, Click Here to subscribe to our newsletter (and get a free travel jobs ebook), and don’t forget to follow us on social media to see live updates from our travels!

Thanks for reading.

The post Digital Nomad Life in Canggu – Our Time in Bali appeared first on Goats On The Road.

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[that-girl-is-a-demolition-lover]

Seeking advice for a shitty friendlationship.....

So it’s 3 in the morning and as per usual, I’m doing anything but sleeping.

I have found myself caught up in my feelings and not really sure of what to do.

Let me begin this long winded story about a boy and my stupid feelings about him and maybe someone out there in wide tumblrverse can help advise me or just tell me that I’m being a fucking moron.

First off, I’m Jazy. I’m a 22 year old lass from Indiana

I met a kid named Joshua roughly 8/9 years ago. We went to the same school and shared a mutual best friend. When we met he was just some dorky chubby kid with a weird sense of humor.

After about 2 years of pining and mutual best friend matchmaking we decided to give a relationship a go when I was roughly 15. Things were swell, because we went to the same school and had several of the same friends and as stated prior, shared the same best friend, we saw each other quite frequently. Things were really good for a couple months.Then as good things always do, came to end. I had received an IM from him asking if he could call because we needed to talk. As a child with terrible anxiety, my heart immediately sank. He called and gave me the news that he would be moving away to live with his aunt and uncle roughly 40 minutes away and likely wouldn’t make it back every weekend. I took this really hard. And at that juncture we decided to part ways.

After a few weeks once he was finally gone, we found ourselves still talking consistently and he eventually convinced me that we could make the long distance work(Yes, I am aware that 40 minutes away is hardly long distance but when you’re from two very poor families with limited transportation and it’s your first real love, it feels like an ocean between you) And things were okay for another few weeks before I started to get little bugs in my ears telling me that long distance was a sham and that we would never work, and let’s face it. I was very impressionable at that age. Even our mutual best friend at the time(Her names Brii, in the event I just name her without telling who she is later on.) And I promptly broke things off again.

After that there was some bad blood, his friends that were still at my school started being very nasty to me and it took a lot out of me. We didn’t see any of each other for quite some time after that. A good year or so I think. 

Fast Forward to what I believe would be October 2012. Things with Brii had been rocky(for reference they always were and would remain until the end of our friendship in Dec 2012.) We had been hanging out regularly and she had texted me and said she had a surprise and would be over soon. She showed up and Nana had let her and she came down to my room, with Joshua and in that moment my heart leapt. I haven’t seen him in ages and let’s be real. He was lookin’ damn good. We all hung out and had a good time. He was in town for a few weeks and had apparently wanted to see me. Sometime to understand about Josh is when we first knew each other was very straight edge. No drinking, or smoking. Fuck, it was hard to get that boy to say more than hell as a swear in his youth. But here he was dropping all kinds of shits and damns with the occasional fuck here and there and it was wonderful. We kept in touch here and there for a bit, but he had a girlfriend back home and I wasn’t crossing that boundary.

Between Oct. 2012 to MidSummer 2013 my life was shit show. I’d lost my best friend to her shitty controlling boyfriend. My dad had died. I wasn’t coping well with my mental illness, fighting the medication. Inevitable dropped out of high school 9 credits shy of my diploma. Total shit show. Then out of the blue in September of 2013, I start receiving messages from Josh, saying that he’s back in town for while and wanted to see me and so forth and such which, to which I would agree. We hung out a couple of times and just enjoyed each other company, reveling in our past relationship, talking of how we missed each other. That kind of thing.

He was still friends with Brii so he could go see her and her boyfriend and then visit me. Then a night or two before he was supposed to go back, he wanted to see me. It was like 10 oclock at night. I told him I was unsure but if he wanted to come over he could. He’d come over and we’d sit on the porch for a while before deciding to go for a walk. He’d be nervously fidgeting and I would pretend not to notice. we didn’t go far, just a couple of blocks to a park nearby. We sat on a hill that overlooked the football field of the school I attended elementary. When he started talking about how much he still liked me and wanted to work this thing out between us. That he would be moving back to the city soon and really wanted to be together(Inserting here, at this juncture, I was told he had been broken up with his girlfriend at home and therefore didn’t know that I was being a scuzzy human) He woo-ed me with his words and instantly I fell for it. I was ecstatic. I thought I was actually going to get him back. After a few minutes we got into a pretty heavy makeout sesh when we then tried to make a voyeur of me to which I shut down. I was not about to fuck this guy in a park in the middle of the night. So we headed back to my house hand in hand, stopping here and there for his to shove me against a tree or a bridge and kiss me hard. He left the next day and we chatted very briefly for the next two or three days, I got my nose pierced and had sent him pictures.

After a few days I get this long winded message from him talking about how he was going to get his girlfriend a promise ring and he wanted to be with her forever and talking about how much he loved her, and he thought that I deserved to be the first to know. I was gutted. absolutely fucking gutted. My heart crumbled. I voiced my outrage. My Hurt. The amount of betrayal I was feeling. He apologized once and then promptly blocked me on facebook.

I assumed that would be the complete end of the Jazy/Josh saga, but god fucking damn it if I wasn’t ridiculously fucking wrong.

Fast forward a year later. I’m out at a friends and I get a message from none other than Joshua. It’s a brief but sturdy apology and an invitation to see him and talk. I told him I didn’t trust him and that I was still angry for what he had done. He understood but insisted, said something a long the lines of that I had “scared him” that night when I was so prepared to just fully envelop myself with him. I caved and we met up, walking around a different park. He was looking good, thinner. Happier. He talked about how much he’s thought about that night over the last year and how things with that girl didn’t last long after we had spoken last. He was apparently really into drugs and drinking now, which should have been enough to frighten me off, but I was naive. I told him I forgave him and that I accepted his invitation for friendship. 

Probably two days later I get a series of messages and some phone calls from him asking me to go to a friends house with him. that’d itll be fun and he wants to make everything up to me. After several hours of convincing I decided to go to this friends house with him, only to end up being trapped over there for a series of days. His friend was big into drugs at that point, lived with his parents and his girlfriend. Josh and I would crash on the couch for 3 nights, when Josh had had too many pills or too much booze. He would always get affectionate in those hours though. Wanted to hold my hand, and play with my hair. Gave me kisses frequently. It was a heavenly feeling, even if I knew at that point that it wouldn’t last.

After that I didn’t hear from him for a few months, he chalks this up to “he loses track of time and doesn’t realize that it’s been months when he only thinks it’s only been a few days.” He would get ahold of me here and there just to chat but I don’t think I actually hung out with him again until Valentines Day 2015

My friend Lisa and I had been planning for her to come over and us to get drunk that night for atleast two weeks in advance. We were both single, full of sorrow, and just needed to be drunk. So that night Josh had gotten ahold me and asked to come over, I had agreed. And he came over, very nervous. We had chatted briefly before Lisa got there and then we sat in a coumbaya circle in the middle of my living room killing a bottle of tequila and a bottle of rum. Throughout the night he would grab my hand and whisper sweet nothings into my ears and he got hot so we had gone outside. He kept trying to saying something before inevitable vomiting all over his shirt. We went back inside, I put him to bed, put his shirt in the wash and went to check on Lisa. In between checkin on lisa and him, he kept trying to get me to come cuddle and and talking about how glad he was he got to spend time with me and whatnot. He planned on coming over and asking me to be his valentine, I guess. The next morning after his shirt was clean he skeddaddled. We had hung out another time at the same friend’s house once he got out from under his parents and he and his girlfriend had their son, we had gone over with the intent to just hang out and spend time with them which ended in us all getting drunk. Josh kept trying to be sweet and hold my hands and kiss me and I kept refusing him, when finally confronted with why, I told him because it wasn’t right anymore. It wasn’t fair for him to love me when he was fucked up. To which we went back into the living room, Josh cuddled a bottle of vodka, cried for ten minutes and then passed out.

Didn’t much from him until late that year, I had my own place, my pregnant sister was living with me. I had heard from him here and there. Halloween of that year I got a call that he was in the hospital, he had had a really bad blood clot from his leg move and shut down his lungs. They found out he had Factor 5(genetic Blood clotting disorder which earlier in the year had claimed his mom) I visited him in the hospital and tried to keep in contact with him after that to little avail. He would come by a few weeks later and crash in my bed. And then he kept crashing in my bed. Then he started bringing clothes and his playstation over and that was okay, he was a good cuddler and I loved spending the time with him. He wasn’t taking care of himself like he shoul’ve, not taking his medications, drinking and doing other shit all the time, it was nerve wracking for me. Shortly after Christmas he had come by and taken all his things and left. I tried more than once to get ahold of him looking for some kind of explanation and got nothing. I ran into him in April of 2016 and we got coffee and talked some more. He had put a little weight back on and looked like he was doing good. He would come over to meet my sisters baby. And then would come by quite frequently for about two weeks before I finally told him if he just wanted to stay there he could. I didn’t mind. I loved having him around. Loved it. He would go to work, I would go to work. we’d come home to each other and just cuddle and watch movies. It was never a sex thing, I feel like I need to clarify that because so many think that’s what it was. And it wasn’t He would get drunk from time to time and want to fool around and of course, I’d shut him down.

We would go on drives and I would try to put into words the way he made me feel. To be fair, we weren’t dating. He nowadays, “thinks they’re a dumb waste of time” He would come home every now and again and talk about the girl he fucked, and I’d pretend I wasn’t hurt by this. As the time went on, things got complicated, my sister ended up leaving, I ended up losing my really good job, and we were being evicted. I broke this to him and he took it very personally, mind you he had never paid for anything living with me. Never even offered to. So he got really angry. I remember one of the last drives we went on before I left, we started to get into an argument and I yelled that I wished I could do anything besides love him, because it was nothing but misery. His response was something along the lines of “don’t love me, I’m barely even human”. The last week was nothing but fights. Lots of yelling. Lots of me crying. And the last thing I said to him was that I never wanted to talk to him again. In July of 2016, I moved 2 hours north to live up by my mother and try to start over. All contact with Joshua ceased.

I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t the occasional I got too drunk and tried calling him but never got an answer, because that’s true. In that spanse, I tried dating this cool guy names James. He was sweet and kind of dim, but he was good to me. And even when we first met and he knew I was healing from Josh, he knew that competing with Josh in my heart wasn’t a contest. Yet he still tried to love me. Obviously it didn’t work out, we’re still friends and I know I was unfair to him.

Okay, present time, almost. A month ago I get a phone call from him. I reluctantly answer, I mean, it’s Josh I have to right? He proceeds to go on about how he stalked my instagram and saw I was back in the city and was offended that he hadnt heard from me. And I told him its probably because I said i never wanted to see him again. Either way, he wanted to hang out. So we went for a walk on the canal, he came over. We made food. Then we went for a walk around the circle. We stopped and sat down and he started getting really up in his feelings and started crying. actually started crying and apologizing. I guess while I was gone he had started seeing a girl. It’d been brief but he really cared about her, and she broke his heart. He kept asking if thats how I felt everytime he left. And if it was, why did I keep letting him come back? I didn’t have an answer. We left it at that and parted ways for the night. Much to my surprise when he showed up at my door the next night. We hung out jsut about every day for 2 weeks. Then after that it was always he needed to go somewhere or I had to pick him up somewhere, so the next time he was at my house my roommate had no qualms telling him that I wasn’t a fucking taxi service. He took this offensively and insisted he didn’t think I was such. We’ve hung out here and there since then, never talking about things until the other night we were out driving and I noticed he was being overly flirtatious. More so than just Josh being an ass, flirty. When i confronted it, he asked why we’d never slept together and I told him I don’t sleep with people I don’t date. Which is true, I personally think of it as a special thing and therefore am not promiscuous. He then went on a tangent about how it would happen one day that the tension has been building for years, that he’d “trick me” one day, and he laughed as he said this. I didn’t get it until he said he knew my conditions. At that moment, I saw red and just yelled, “I hope you don’t think that’d I’d be stupid enough to accept a dating advance from you only for you to fuck me then break up with me.” He just kept laughing and agreed. At which point I had to pull the car over. My face was hot and I was shaking, so i got out of the car and walked for ten minutes. I came back and he acted like it never happened. Has only even mentioned it once since then when he was drunk and we were at a friends house. 

I just don’t know what I’m even doing anymore. Am I stupid for sticking around through all of this? Should I tell him to go fuck himself and to leave me alone for the rest of our lives? Has anyone else ever dealt with something/someone like this? How did you cope? What did you do?