#well tbh those memories are all from when i was in high school and only just started smoking (my friend's weed)

[theloveinc]

okay scrolling through ur bkg tag and saw ur tags on drummer bkg post!! (which love btw!! the whole jealousy song is so him dhdbsjsna like hes such a wet soggy cat i need him) ANYWAY and u saw japanese breakfast and u how u thought the lead singer and guitarist were dating but they’re actually married 😭😭😭😭 have you read crying in h mart? it’s about her mother dying of cancer and their relationship but she also writes about her and her husband getting together and oh my god their relationship is so beautiful and they love each other so much. when i saw them in concert anytime they looked at each other id tear up. yes i am crazy! anyway!! i was also high as hell at that concert too!! they put on an excellent show. i got to see them another time when they opened up for paramore too which was very cool

i've actually had a copy of crying in h-mart for YEARS except i've only ever managed to get about three chapters in, i think because when i first started it, i ended up getting a little swamped with school...

but it's still on my shelf WAITING FOR ME and this makes me want to pick it up again!! i know my friend finished it last month and put it on her rec list (also my mom loves it weirdly??), so i'll def put it back in my current pile of to-reads!! (which is huge rn because i have so many books i wanna donate to the classroom i'm working in, but actually want to finish first asdfajdkaj).

anyway, YES, I was BLOWN away by their performance!! which is always an experience bc i remember i wasn't super familiar with their music beforehand and they ended up being in my 10 ten artists or something the year after. i even managed to get the setlist!! which i gave to my friend bc she was the one who invited me<3

you can tell the whole band just has amazing chemistry with one another, and it shows not just through the music put in their stage presence, as well, which is not an average feat. you're so lucky you got to see them twice AND PARAMORE!! did you see the recent video where something went wrong on stage and hayley sang "someone is getting fired??"

LOL ANYWAY, thanking for the lovely ask and rec to pick CIHM back up!!

[bloatedandalone04]

BABE, COUKD U WRITE HC ABOUT WHAT ETHANS LIKE IN BED? his kinks, and shit. i’m so desperate and i LOVE ur work. i’ve re-read all of them like a million times

Warnings: ethan in bed. that's it.

➳First things first: buddy is obsessed with your body.

➳Like seriously, right from the start he’d be groping you, gripping you and squeezing you anywhere he could. 

➳And that was just when you were kissing.

➳It should come as no surprise that he is an ass man.

➳Whenever you’re on top of him or even under him his hands are tightly placed there, always.

➳His favorite position is cowgirl, obviously, as he can grip your ass while also staring at your bare front.

➳It also gives him the perfect opportunity to suck marks onto the tops of your breasts (his favorite place to mark you).

➳Another place he loves sucking is your inner thighs.

➳The sight of the purple marks littered on your skin in various places just drives him wild.

➳This man has the biggest praise kink to ever exist.

➳Whether it’s him giving the praises or receiving them, he loves them.

➳Nothing gets him off like the sound of your pretty and kind voice praising him in the middle of doing something so dirty, like getting lost between your legs and devouring his favorite taste. 

➳And when you go down on him?

➳He just can’t help but comment on how pretty you look with drool covering your lips.

➳How pretty your mouth looks when it’s stuffed full of him. 

➳“You’re taking me so well, baby, can hardly fit all the way in.”

➳“Fuck, just like that, I love your tight mouth so much.”

➳“You’re so pretty, fuck, I love you.”

➳He can’t help but tell you how much he loves you, how much much he loves how good you are to him, for him.

➳God, does he love you.

➳Overall he’s pretty ‘vanilla’ in bed, but that doesn’t mean it’s boring. 

➳Not at all.

➳Whether he’s going down on you or in you, he loves when you tug on his hair.

➳And he loves when you really go for it and leave his head sore with the memory of your hand’s relentless pulling. 

➳He’s also a fan of spitting. 

➳Of any kind, really.

➳Spitting on your slit before licking it back up.

➳Spitting on his length before wrapping your mouth around it.

➳Spitting directly into your mouth then watching you swallow it.

➳Borderline breeding kink, tbh.

➳He loves the thought of filling you up so good and you taking it so well that it results in you getting knocked up.

➳You’re on the pill, of course, but the thought still turned him on tremendously.

➳One day, he was going to get you pregnant. 

➳Now, his stamina is insane.

➳He refuses to get off without making you come at least twice, and even then it only took about three minutes for him to get hard again. 

➳He can go for hours, whether it be with just his tongue pleasuring you or his dick, the man just doesn’t let up. 

➳And the sounds you make in bed? Oh boy.

➳They drive him insane.

➳He loves how you moan his name, cry out that you’re going to come or whimper when you’re overstimulated.

➳He’s pretty vocal, as well.

➳A plethora of grunts, groans and whines leave him, too.

➳It’s pretty often you find yourself in bed with him.

➳I think it’s pretty clear that the both of you just love coaxing those sounds out of one another. 

➳He is also into a fair bit of choking, but only when he is the one doing it.

➳He prefers to be in control.

➳A soft dom, if you will.

➳Ethan’s sex drive is high as fuck in his prime time. 

➳Seriously, it’s like an every other day occurrence. 

➳School is stressing him out? Guess who he’s taking it out on?

➳He’s really proud of something he did? Guess who he’s celebrating with?

➳Some prick in his class talked about you the wrong way? Guess who he’s marking up just to prove a point?

➳Overall, don’t expect to get much sleep when you have a boyfriend who is as sex driven as Ethan is.

-

+thank you for the kind words <3

[pawnshopbleus]

These Are the Days Four - Sunflower

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader High School AU

For the summary, warnings, and more please visit here.

Previous Chapter

The only thing you feel when you wake up is wet. 

You had fallen asleep on Abby's shoulder so, she checks that your head is okay before she gets up from the floor. “What the fuck, Ellie!”

Both of your clothes are soaking wet, making them cling to your bodies. 

Ellie shrugs, “You two were out like a light. The only way I could wake you guys up was with water.”

“You could have shaken us awake. Not waterboard us!”

“Right, well, I need you two out of here before my parents get home. I don’t want people here when they yell at me for having a party…again.” 

Abby outstretches her hand and you gladly take it. She helps you get off the now soaking-wet floor. 

The two of you walk down the stairs, careful not to trip on puddles of beer, and make your way outside. The contrast between the dark house and the bright sunlight makes you squint your eyes. 

“How are you getting home?” Abby asks as she grabs her keys. They jingle as she grabs them from the carabiner clipped to her jeans. 

“My bike.” You point at the space where you parked your bike last night. Abby looks at you confused. When you look over, your heart drops. Your bike is nowhere to be found. 

“Fuck!” 

You turn and bang on Ellie’s door. Seconds later, Ellie opens it with a hand on her hip.

“What?” You can tell that she’s on edge. Whatever her parents will do to her is clouding her mind so nothing else matters to her right now.

“Have you seen my bike?” You point to the space where your bike was. 

“That was your bike? Some guy drove off with it last night. I thought it was his so I didn’t say anything. Sorry about that.”

“Do you remember what the guy looked like?” “TBH, I was fucking zooted so I don’t remember that part.” You thank Ellie for her time and collapse on her lawn. The shoes you are wearing were okay for biking but terrible for walking. The twenty-minute bike ride from Ellie’s house to yours just tripled. It would take you an hour to walk home. You really hoped that the asshole who took your bike ate shit in front of everyone at school. 

“Do you need a ride home?” Abby asks.

"No,” you lie. You would like a ride home but don’t want to be a burden. 

Abby can see right through your lie. “You are not walking home in those shoes,” she says. 

She’s right. No matter how much you’ve walked in platforms, walking an hour in them would be terrible for your feet. The only person you knew who could do that was Carrie Bradshaw and she wasn’t real.

“Get in the car.” Abby opens the door for you and closes it once you’re tucked inside. The leather seats are cracked, adding to the vintage charm. There are two CDs in the open glove compartment and a pack of gum. Once Abby’s inside the car, she reaches over you and closes it. 

“Sorry,” she says, “My car is a mess.” 

“It’s okay. You should see my room,” you joke. 

Your mother thought that your room was messy when in reality, it was only a little cluttered. Your entire desk is filled with little trinkets and memories from your past life. Clothes are thrown all over the floor from playing dress up one too many times and sometimes paper lays flatly on the floor if you’re too lazy to pick it up. 

“I didn’t know you collect CDs,” you add. 

“Yeah, I do. It’s cheaper than collecting vinyl,” Abby shrugs.

Abby turns the music up a little bit. Some new pop artist is playing and she taps her fingers on the steering wheel, enjoying the music. The car is silent except for the music playing on the radio. 

You can’t believe the two of you were caught like that on the floor. Laying your head on Abby’s shoulder was innocent enough but the fact that the two of you fell asleep like that got to you. You didn’t even drink anything last night so there was no reason why you slept in. Then you remembered why you didn’t drink anything last night. You spilled your drink all over Owen. 

You took your bottom lip in between your teeth and began to chew on it out of fear. What would Abby think when she found out that you spilled a drink on her boyfriend's t-shirt? Would she hate you and never want to talk to you again? Or would she also call you a bitch and hate you forever? Maybe if you came clean she would admire the fact that you were a real friend who never hid secrets from her.

“I have to tell you something,” you huffed out a nervous breath.

“Yes?”

“I spilled a drink on Owen last night.”

“On his J.Crew shirt? That ass.” She shook her head. “It was his favorite shirt and I told him not to wear it to parties anymore because someone would spill something on it. That’s what he gets for not listening to me,” Abby laughed. 

You let out a breath that you didn’t even notice you were holding in and laughed along with her.

“So, we’re cool?” 

Abby nodded, “Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?”

You shook your head and looked out the window, “No reason.” 

By the way that every house on the street looked the same, you knew that you were close to your own. You look over at Abby, confused. 

“How do you know where I live? I never told you my address.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Owen told me you lived by him in the house that just sold.” She bit her lip. 

Abby pulls up in your driveway and you almost curse out loud. Both of your parents' cars are in the driveway. Even though they’re never home, they've given you a curfew. You must be home before 12 in the morning and according to your phone, it is currently 10 am. You were so fucked. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you say as you slip out of her truck.

Abby smiles, “Anytime. And I’m sorry about your bike.”

Abby waits until you’re inside of your house to pull off. Instead of going to the left, she turns right towards Owen’s house. You feel the tugging in your heart when you see the two of them together. It shouldn’t bother you that they’re spending time together but it does. You can’t quite put your feelings into words but they aren’t nice.

"Where have you been and why are you wet?” your mother asks, her arms crossed. 

“Since when do you care?” you shoot back. 

“Some partners from the firm are coming over and we need you to be here,” your father rubs the bridge of his nose, annoyed at your rebellious tone. 

“Why? So we can play happy little family again. No thanks, I have plans.” 

You walk past them and into your room. You don’t have plans but you’d rather walk all the way to hell and back than play into their little act. 

You change into dry and clean clothes, grab your bag, and head out the door. You have no idea how to use public transportation but you’ll figure it out today. 

Your parents don’t argue as you walk out of the door. Some weird part of you wants them to call for you but you know them. You know that they don’t want to waste more of their breath on you.

You don’t care where you’re going. You just need to get away. You take the first bus you see and ride it till the end of the line. It drops you off at a public park. Children scream with glee as they play on the playground, people walk their dogs along the sidewalk, and couples enjoy the cool breeze as they sit and enjoy each other's company. And then it hits you, that weird feeling inside of you that you get when you want something you can’t have. It makes you sit down and watch as the small waves flow through the small duck pond.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Monday comes around, and you’re in the library with Abby. It’s the first day of tutoring and both of you are nervous. You want to be a good teacher and Abby wants to soak up all the knowledge she can. 

“So, what do you struggle with the most?” You ask, getting ready to take notes. 

“Memorization mostly,” Abby says truthfully, “But I’d like to work on everything.”

You get out a fresh set of flashcards and slide them over to Abby. “Why don’t we start with making some flashcards? You can write down the word and then the definition on the back.”

You observe Abby. She’s hunched over the note cards and writing things down with the speed of a cheetah. Usually, the curtains of the library are closed, causing it to be lit by the sickly white lights above, but today the curtains are drawn, exposing the beautiful sunlight. 

Abby’s skin drinks up the sun. The freckles littered on her skin make unique patterns that not even a skilled painter could recreate. 

You speak before your mouth has a chance to stop you. “Do you know what you remind me of?”

She looks up at you through her lashes, “What?” “A sunflower.” The way that she flourishes in the sun can only be compared to a sunflower. So delicate yet strong. The perfect contrast between the two.

Abby laughs which would cause the librarian to scold her but not today. Today, the librarian is nowhere to be seen. Odd.

The library doors open and the mood shifts. A chill runs down your spine. The librarian is awoken from her nap by the lack of sunlight. The clouds cover the sun and Abby is no longer illuminated by its rays. 

Heavy footsteps can be heard making their way towards your table. 

“Babe, I thought you said you were coming to my place after school?” Owen places his hand on Abby’s back and snakes it up to her shoulder. He looks you in the eye as he does this, making you more uncomfortable than you’ve been in your entire life.

Abby sits up straight and brushes the hair out of her face. “Sorry, I forgot.”

“What’s going on? You never forget to come over.”

“I’m tutoring her. Mr. Miller thought that it would be a good idea considering I have the best grade in that class,” you cut in on their conversation. 

Owen eyes you suspiciously as if there aren’t flashcards and textbooks on the table. 

“We’ll talk about this later,” he whispers, loudly enough for you to hear. He pats Abby’s shoulder twice before exiting the library. 

Once he’s out of sight, you can feel the sun come back out and the librarian knocks out. The sun's rays reflect off Abby's skin and back into the atmosphere. 

Next Chapter

Taglist: @soupycloud

Thank you for reading!

[cafeseoulmate]

Why We (Don’t) Work

i'm okay with being by your side for as long as i can hide what if i told you that i've fallen?

featuring: music major!beomgyu x fine arts major!gn!reader

genre: fluff, angst, childhood best friends to lovers, neighbors to lovers au, idiots to lovers au, high school au, college au, band au, hurt/comfort, slice of life, slowburn, mutual pining, 5+1 & nonlinear format

wc: 13k

warnings and other notes: cursing, alcohol consumption, reader is implied bi/pan, two jokes about murder, mention of the flu, brief mention of making out, cliches, inaccurate portrayal of a painting & sculpture double major, idk where this was going tbh

I. WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR TOO LONG

The idea of friends eventually becoming lovers, especially those who have known each other for a long time, is okay in your opinion. In theory, the principle of falling in love with someone whom you've previously built a relationship with is not that great but not that awful either.

It's reasonable, practical and natural even in many situations. You would know from the amount of friends you've watched over the years who only started seeing each other romantically after a few years of getting to know and being comfortable around each other platonically.

You just figure that it's not for you and Choi Beomgyu, the nuisance who's been affectionately stuck to your hip since your days at the neighborhood playground.

For starters, you've known him for far too long. Not that love is supposed to have an expiration date, it's just that most people who start off friends—like your college friends Yeji and Ryujin who started dating before your junior year—usually take less than a decade, and that is really pushing it in your humble opinion.

Beomgyu's known you since the time you were sporting bowl cuts your mom fashioned with your kitchen scissors, probably and unconsciously even longer than that given that your respective moms have also been close friends since you were toddlers. You've pushed each other at the swings and the slides more than any of your other childhood friends, have gone to the same schools together spent most of your non-holidays with each other since kindergarten, and even live in the same university dorm at the present.

You both had almost 16 years to bring up anything remotely close to romantic feelings with each other and the closest to romantic-leaning affection that you got from him was the time he gave you a bouquet of roses, and he didn't even buy it for you originally.

It was in your 10th grade, when Valentine's Day gifts have finally reached normal status among the consciousness of your teen peers. Since Halloween, Beomgyu had been saving up his money to buy Yeeun from Class 4 a bouquet of roses—bribing you to pay for his lunch two out of five days in the week, singing and dancing his ass off at his family's Christmas and Lunar New Year parties for money, and working the afternoon shift at the neighborhood guitar store—only to chicken out at the last minute because Jaehyun from Class 6 had asked Yeeun to be his girlfriend in a very public proposal at the soccer field.

In a small class reunion last Christmas, Taehyun had asked about the whole ordeal, supported by the drunk cheerings of your former classmates at the memory of Beomgyu handing you the abnormally large bouquet by the school gate during dismissal almost five years ago.

"What else do you want to know about that?" You asked with a frown, feeling light-headed from all the barbecue and soju yourself. It was finals week for most of you as well, somehow making all the shots of peach-flavored alcohol taste sweeter and the stories bitterer. "You all know how it went: Gyu chickened out and didn't want to waste his hard-earned money on a girl who got a boyfriend that same day so he gave it to me before we went home."

"You also gave me half of the money to buy it! That's also an important detail!" Beomgyu slurred out to your right, leaning his head on your arm with a giggle and making you roll your eyes. "I thought, 'ya, this person bought me lunch for three months they kind of bought this bouquet so I'll just give it to them. That's only fair!'"

Yunjin raised a finger this time, as if making a shushing motion in the air as she took a long sip of her soju bottle across the table. "Okay but!" She exclaimed after slamming her bottle down, momentarily covering her mouth as she hiccuped before continuing. "You...you could've just gave it to your mom or something!"

"Auntie's allergic to flowers." You pointed out. "My dad also forgot to buy my mom flowers that time so I gave it to him when I got home. I technically saved two lives that day.”

"So it didn't spark anything?" Jeongin pointed to you then to Beomgyu who was contemplating on falling asleep on you by that point, clearly uninterested in this conversation you've had with the rest of the world a million times already. "Not even a little bit?"

Of course there were times over the years, at least on your part—moments where Beomgyu spent an hour too long in your childhood home when he just told you that his parents wanted him to come home at a certain time, filled a day with questionably sweet gestures only to bribe you with trouble after, or comforted you too well in your darkest moments among others that made your heart flutter more than it's supposed to.

You never told anyone about how on that day, you plucked out a single rose from the bouquet before secretly handing it to your dad as he cooked a quick Valentine's Day dinner for your mom. There was no denying that, even if he gave it to you under pitiful circumstances, it was still a sweet gesture. After Yeeun, he thought of giving it to you, the next immediate person and his best friend.

The red rose drank fresh water by your windowsill for three days until Beomgyu invited himself over for a cram session when you ended up hiding the flower shamefully under your bed and convincing yourself that you were just momentarily blinded by the principle of the gesture.

Though it accidentally wilted after you've forgotten about it amidst your busy high school schedule, you still keep the petals in a box under your bed as a reminder of all those moments you've thought you were starting to feel something for your best friend, only to snap yourself out of it after. You even had one of the petals made into a resin necklace by Yeji when she picked up on the hobby, wearing it everyday since without Beomgyu ever asking about it’s significance.

He just thinks you got it from the congratulatory bouquet the boys all pitched in to give when you won a sculpting competition at the university museum.

But as mentioned, you've mostly come to terms with the fact that you've known Beomgyu long enough to let a lot of opportunities to pass by, even if it pains you. Though romantic love doesn’t have to have an expiration date, you think you’ve been around your best friend long enough to know and accept that nothing is going to happen.

So to keep up appearances, you shook your head in front of your demanding friends that night at the reunion and teasingly pushed the sleeping Beomgyu to Taehyun's shoulder, much to everyone's disappointment.

"I've known him for all my life, literally. If something remotely romantic were to happen, it should've happened years ago." You grimaced before downing another shot of peach soju, that particular shot stinging a bit too much for your liking.

"But that's, like, the tricky thing with friends: you never really know when things are starting to be something else with one or both people." Sieun pointed out with a pout.

"Oh, I can assure you, it's not like that with us." You waved your hand dismissively in response before quickly going back to gathering your next mouthful of lettuce wrap. “Anyway, you guys have known us pretty well too. We just don’t match that way.”

Next to you, Beomgyu groaned seemingly in agreement as he stirred on Taehyun's shoulder, moving to lean on you again. "You're all so fucking noisy." He mumbled on the nook of your neck, hands encircling around your waist as he then pointed at the jug of water on the table. “If Y/N says it's not like that then it's not like that. So let me sleep and let Y/N eat their food!"

You shrugged at Sieun and Yunjin, smoothly shifting the conversation's focus to Sieun after before filling in a glass of water for Beomgyu as he’s requested.

"You're going to have a nasty hangover later, you know." You pointed out to him, making sure to keep your voice low knowing that he's sensitive to noise when he's drunk.

"You'll take care of me." He replied confidently with a boyish grin, more as a statement than a question. "Can I sleep over your dorm later? Hyuka won't let me in the room like this and Ryujin's already on vacation anyway."

You then rolled your eyes, knowing full well that you don’t have a choice anyway. "Sure, sure."

II. WE HAVE SHIT TASTE IN PEOPLE (AND IT WOULD BE AN INSULT TO OURSELVES IF WE START LIKING EACH OTHER)

The first time someone directly and publicly questioned Beomgyu's relationship with you, however, was at the traditional secret gathering your classmates had arranged in your two-day senior retreat just four years ago. On that night, after a whole day of tedious team-building activities and an evening of getting lectured by your teachers on house rules, most of Class 2 gathered at the boys' shared room for swiped alcohol and midnight snacks.

At that time, it was Daehwi who had asked and the context was the equally traditional game of truth or dare. When Beomgyu was picked for the second time that night, he surprisingly chose truth, prompting the question everyone has apparently been asking among themselves.

"Would you date Y/N?"

Beomgyu laughed. It was always his instinct to laugh whenever his own relatives asked the same question or when you would tell your own similar experiences but also because he saw you throwing your head back in laughter as well from where you were seated between Yunjin and Ryujin.

But what really solidifies this question as an inside joke between the two of you was the time when you watched When Harry Met Sally together at a sleepover in Beomgyu's house a year before the class retreat.

It was the classic friends to lovers romcom that you ended up watching in that particular sleepover in the first place because Yunjin mentioned that it reminded her of you and Beomgyu. So of course it had to be brought up before you could accidentally fall asleep on Beomgyu that night, you pointing to Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan before smacking Beomgyu in the head and asking the exact same question the boy would face at the senior retreat.

"Without thinking about all the gross couple shit like kissing or whatever," You gagged between your question, making Beomgyu roll his eyes and scoff. "would you date me?"

"First of all: gross—"

"That's why I said without all the couple stuff!"

"Still gross! Why would you think of that question!"

Back to the class retreat, once Beomgyu had calmed down from laughing and before Jeongin or Hueningkai could start leading the teasing on how you and your best friend reacted to the question in the same way at the same time, he said, "Y/N has shit taste in people. It'd be an insult to myself if they start liking me, even more if we do date."

You laughed even harder, repeating the words back to him. "Ya, you have shit taste in people too!"

Daehwi almost did a whole spit take with his glass of Cola while hearing your exchange. "Damn, you two are brutal with each other!"

Taehyun told Beomgyu later on that he felt as if that particular answer could be misinterpreted as the latter being mean to you. But your best friend was quick to explain that it's something you actually talked about in the aforementioned sleepover. You also backed him up on this over breakfast the next day when you sat with the two boys.

On the night of your sleepover, after you asked the question and Beomgyu was done making his teasing disgusted faces in front of you, he had said the exact same words for the first time and even elaborated on it.

And like Daehwi, you also almost did a spit take hearing it for the first time but your own glass of hot chocolate.

"You had a crush on Yeonjun two years ago before he was cool and you dated that annoying what's-her-name from the softball team who, by the way, cheated on you before you could even celebrate 100 days." The blunt 11th-grader Beomgyu said in front of your surprised face on that sleepover. "Ah, and don't get me started on that time you were swooning over that asshole Taejoon from Class 7 last semester because he sat next to you on the bus when I got the flu? You were crushing on a guy who thought he was jack shit and played with a lot of girls while I was almost dying in the hospital! Shit taste and inconsiderate!"

You and Beomgyu also did not forget to mention to Taehyun about how you almost smothered Beomgyu to death with a pillow in response, pausing the movie so Meg Ryan didn't have to see the crime you were about to do before tackling your best friend on the bed.

"Hey, Yeonjun's cool and Minji from softball really is an asshole but I didn't know Taejoon had a reputation in Class 7 back then! I just thought he was cute and really polite to the old ladies and the kids on the bus!" You retorted aggressively, smacking Beomgyu's face repeatedly with the Hello Kitty pillow he lent you for that night. "And I visited you with the boys and Yunjin after school while you were sick to catch you up in class, you ungrateful brat! I have shit taste but I'll never be inconsiderate to you!

"While we're at it, you also have shit taste, mind you! Pining after girls like Yeeun and Rina right when they start dating other people! Ah, and you dated that girl, Areum, in the 9th grade too even when everyone kept telling you that she was trying to get to Soobin through you! Shit taste and idiotic!"

Your college years would not spare the both of you from having more strings of failed romantic relationships just as much as it did not stop all the questions from friends, both new and old, about Beomgyu's relationship with you so the answer always remained the same: both of you have shit taste in people so dating each other would be somehow insults to yourselves.

But there are times, of course, when it would just be you and Beomgyu alone and, instead of the usual jokes and banter, he allows himself to be just slightly honest for the sake of his sanity and to make sure that you never feel as if he has some hidden ill-intent in always jokingly bringing up the uglier sides of your dating history.

In another sleepover at his house last summer, he didn't fight you when you decide on watching My Best Friend's Wedding and blurted out halfway, "As your own best friend, I think you deserve the best."

Though no one did a spit take this time, you did momentarily freeze while trying to tuck yourself in under the weighted blanket you were sharing. On his laptop perched comfortably on a foldable table, the movie was coincidentally at the part where Julia Roberts was delivering the iconic, "Choose Me” speech.

“I'll have to say this quick or I'm just going to have this massive coronary and then you'll never hear it and.....and....you have to. This is, by far the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life.” Julia Roberts dramatically delivered on the laptop screen as if filling in the silence. “Ugh—so dumb in fact—uh—that I can't...... oh but I'm gonna.”

“What’s wrong?” Her male lead, Dermont Mulroney, asked and Beomgyu felt like he should be asking that question to you when your silence started dragging on for too long.

When you did regain your composure, you chuckled nervously. "I-I mean yeah, I know, but...what's with that all of a sudden?" You furrowed your brows up at him.

And like he was mirroring you, Beomgyu also paused for a moment as he too contemplated on why he said it out of nowhere.

Meanwhile, Julia Roberts just continued delivering her lines flawlessly, filling in the silence between the two of you. “Michael......I love you. I've loved you for nine years. I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it and, well, now I'm just scared. So I, I......realize that this comes at a very inopportune time. But I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you.” Though the sound coming in on your respective earphones was only at 75%, suddenly it felt louder the longer that Beomgyu didn't speak. “Choose me? Marry me. Let me make you happy.”

Beomgyu scratched the nape of his neck and smiled sheepishly, turning away for a second as you finally pause the movie and the light illuminates the side of his face a little too brightly.

“Oh God, please don’t tell me you’re gonna pull a Julia Roberts right now. You know—“

“What? No!"

“Then answer the question!”

"I just remembered, you know, how we always say that we won't date each other because we both have shitty taste in people and everything." He shrugged when he did explain himself, unconsciously sinking lower on the bed as he pressed his back harder on the bed frame behind you. "And I know it's a joke and all but I—I also think that you deserve better than someone like me...or Yeonjun, Soobin, Tae, and Hyuka.

“Though I guess it is hard to find someone better than us, especially me and Soobin, I think you should still look for someone who’s really kind, smart, and will never give you a hard time. You deserve someone who looks out for you and makes you feel like home but also like you’re flying.

“Someone who’s funny too but not too funny to upstage me! Just enough to get you through the dark times because you do get really stressed out these days. I—I don’t know, I guess I was just thinking about—about that, yeah…”

You relaxed your expression as he spoke, though a small pout remained. "Okay..." You pressed play on the laptop again with a laugh. "Random but okay.”

“I give my whole heart out to you in a speech and that’s all you have to say?”

“What else do you want me to say?” You scoffed and playfully nudged him away, earning you a dramatic wince from him. "With how you generally act around people I like, it's not that hard to figure out that it's because you think this way."

“Yeah but, I don’t know, maybe say it back to me too and comfort my lonely, lonely heart?” He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in response.

“I think that’s a you problem. We all tell you to just get yourself out there then you reject every person who throws themself at you.”

The boy feigned a glare next. “I’m going to kill you in your sleep later.”

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes, moving carefully on the bed to face him fully. “You deserve someone infinitely better than me too. Someone gorgeous—not just pretty!—and smart enough to keep your dumbass in check and just overall awesome, but not too awesome, of course! I’m literally the coolest person you’ll ever meet…ever!”

"Oh you flatter me, Y/N!" He exclaimed dramatically with his hands to his chest, smiling when you snorted and turned your attention back to the laptop again to press play on the movie.

Though he partly thinks otherwise—that it’s impossible that there’s someone out there infinitely better than you overall—he does agree that you are the coolest person in his life.

"You're so annoying." You mumbled under your breath and he quickly retaliated by pinching your cheek affectionately. "Ya!"

"You love me."

"I know right, how will I even find someone better than you?" You teased but Beomgyu's observant enough to understand that you only mean it halfway.

"Maybe you won't?" He teased back with a wink. "I know for sure no one's better than you."

"Shut up."

III. WE ARE EXTREME OPPOSITES (AND WE ANNOY EACH OTHER A LOT)

If you were to be asked about the things that annoy you about Beomgyu and vice versa, you both would probably need a month of preparation and a year each just to list everything you've come up with. Sure, you’ve known each other for a long enough time to be comfortable in each other’s presence but that doesn’t make everyday perfect as there are still instances when you get the undeniable urge to smack him in the head or dropkick him for being insufferable.

If you were to make a top five shortlist, however, the fact that Beomgyu has no concept of personal space when it comes to you would take the cake—pinching your cheeks, holding your hand whenever a remotely attractive person passes you by, always putting his legs on top of yours, hugging you to death, and always headlocking you when you meet up among others.

But beyond that, ever since he got comfortable with initiating skinship with you around the 3rd grade, he's also somehow managed to convince himself that he had the right to be all up in your personal business too even when you didn't want him to—from simple things like stealing your food, spamming you with messages the second you don't reply as quickly as he'd like, to always having insisting that he accompanies you whenever you mention going to a new place, online stalking anyone you find interesting, randomly popping up at the studio in the Fine Arts department, and loosely keeping tabs on people you hang out with.

There have been times, however, when Beomgyu’s nosiness has actually saved you from a date or unwanted attention in public and even comforted you. In elementary and high school, whenever you’re allowed to pick groupmates, he’s always ready with gossip about everyone’s work ethic for some reason. Whenever a creep at the mall or at a party would try to hit on you, he’s always by your side ready with a glare and all intent to report the creep to the authorities. And even when he’s a shit drunk, he’s always aware enough to defend you whenever your friends pick on you.

But more importantly, as the more reserved person between the two of you, Beomgyu’s always the one who’s forcing you to open up to at least one person when you’re down (aka him).

The first sleepover that the two of you ever had was in the 6th grade when Beomgyu invited himself over to your house and stayed up with you until 3 AM to finish a Science project your three other groupmates basically gave up on. You never asked him to do it, just complained about it over lunch once, then suddenly he was barging in your house with his own stationary and your Science teacher already notified of how your groupmates have been slacking the past two weeks.

“Why did you do that?” You pouted after turning in your finished paper online. Fortunately for the two of you that time, it was a Friday and sleeping in wasn’t going to be an issue, especially for 6th grader Beomgyu who had the tendency to sleep the whole day. “I could’ve just told Mrs. Kim on Monday myself.”

Beomgyu shrugged as he fluffed the pillows and arranged your plushies on the bed. He hasn’t had his sudden growth spurt at that time so fitting in your old bed frame was still fairly easy then. “Knowing you and how long your groupmates have been bailing on you, you’d probably chicken out if Yunjin or I don’t do it ourselves or push you to do it.”

“No—“

“You know I’m right.“

You glared at him then, standing up from your desk to punch his arm. “I hate you.”

But he only rolled his eyes. “Then next time, I’ll try to not meddle that much anymore. Just…when our classmates are taking advantage of your kindness like this again, report it immediately, okay?” He nagged, his voice soft while his expression was determined. “Even if you don’t tell me directly, I know you’ve been having a hard time with that even more this year for some reason and, knowing you, you’d rather suck it up because you think you’re bothering people when you bring it up when you’re not.”

“That’s not true.”

“Y/N.” He squinted his eyes and pursed his lips.

You scoffed, climbing in the bed and laying down on the side next to the wall. “Okay, maybe sometimes it’s true.”

“Y/N.” He repeated your name in the same tone, lying next to you with your teddy bear in his arms. "Ms. Fluffy doesn't think so and I kind of agree with her."

You rolled your eyes in response, Beomgyu catching the gesture before he could turn off your bedside lamp. “Fine, fine. I admit it, I wasn’t—I wasn’t planning to tell Mrs. Kim because I thought my groupmates would get mad and think of me as a nuisance.” You winced at the admission, lifting your blanket up to your nose.

But Beomgyu was quick to stop your hand, flicking your forehead after. “Stop doing that. You literally did half of your paper, even the parts you weren’t assigned to. You’re far from a nuisance.” He retorted, tucking Ms. Fluffy the teddy bear next to you. “And Mrs. Kim’s job is literally to make sure we’re not having a hard time learning, she’d understand.”

That time, and most times when Beomgyu would be the one nagging you, you felt like shrinking under his fierce gaze. “I don’t want to get into trouble with anyone in class—“

“I’d fight anyone off for you if that happens."

“But I can handle myself if ever!”

“Now, you’re just contradicting yourself.” He pointed out with a chuckle, settling down next to you. “Just...next time, okay? You should never suffer in silence by choice, you’re better than that.”

You had no choice but to nod in agreement and fulfill your promise that very next Monday, talking to Mrs. Kim yourself to elaborate on the incident further with Beomgyu holding your hand the entire time.

Most of the time, it's sweet and thoughtful that your best friend looks out for you out of genuine concern. You can’t admit it to his face, knowing he’ll tease you endlessly for it, but you like Beomgyu having his full attention on you most of the time and how he can literally rival your family as the person who knows you best.

But alas, there are still numerous instances when it's caused you more harm than good to disastrous levels.

At the top of your head, there was that incident in the summer before your sophomore year when Yeji first set you up on a blind date with Theo, a friend of a friend from the Vocal Performance department.

You even made sure that Beomgyu wouldn't get anywhere near your bowling date, threatening all of your mutual friends to keep the agenda a secret over message (and free food for Taehyun and Hueningkai) and scheduling the date on the same weekend Beomgyu was going to take an exam for one of his summer classes.

However, when Theo briefly left you alone in your lane to buy snacks, a familiar mop of brown hair, black hoodie, and a pair of thick-rimmed glasses suddenly whooshed in your peripheral vision, followed by two figures in hoodies you unmasked at the end of the night as Yeonjun and Soobin.

Another annoying thing that Beomgyu does is that when he’s “investigating” something—whether it’s a friend’s date or that time everyone thought Taehyun was secretly seeing someone—he always brings the same get-up of hoodie and thick-rimmed glasses along as "disguise." It's a stupid idea that first came to him when Yunjin went on her very first date in high school that he never bothered to change even when everyone started catching on, making it easier to spot him in your surroundings.

Though he didn't approach you until you approached him back in your dorms, it was still unnerving to spot him, Yeonjun, and Soobin playing five lanes away from you and your date. Their glances felt heavy on your back as the night went on.

"He was literally in two of your classes last semester. It's not like he's some stranger to you." You frowned at Beomgyu after letting Yeonjun and Soobin go with an earful of a speech of their own. Though you and Theo agreed that you clicked better as friends, you still lectured and nagged at your three friends in your dorm's communal kitchen with Beomgyu staying an hour longer than the other two. "How did you even get to the bowling alley? I thought you have an exam tonight?"

"My exam was only until 7 PM so I got Yeonjun to drive us to the bowling alley as soon as I got out. It was a celebratory thing for me too! That English final really kicked me in the ass, if you must know." Beomgyu answered with a pout, hands deep in his hoodie pockets and his glasses slipping on his nose. "And even if I do know Theo in passing, I don't know him that way. He’s more Yeji’s friend than mine. What if he was a shit dude when it comes to dates? What if he stood you up tonight or something?"

"You say that for all the people I like."

Beomgyu waved his hand dismissively in defense. "I only say that to the objectively trashy ones and the ones I don’t know enough about. Theo’s under the second category.”

"Still! You get what I mean!" You frowned as you smacked him on the back of his head, earning you a wince from him. "Gyu, once, just one date where you leave me alone. No disguises and no spam texts. Can you do that?"

There's a long pause that followed after with Beomgyu opening his mouth a couple of times only to close it back again, keeping you on edge for what felt like forever but was only for around five minutes.

He never told you what he was going to say at first or if he was even thinking of something else to say, you can just easily infer that it's different from what he actually ended up saying with the way his expression softened right before he finally spoke.

"Only if you tell me more about these things before you actually go on them. Even just the basic things are fine.” He frowned this time, crossing his arms. Even without you scanning every inch of his face, his expression easily gave away to the fact that he was thinking of saying something else but was trying his best to hold back. “I’m...I'm worried, okay? I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

"You know I can handle myself. We've been through this hundreds of times, I'm not that kid from the 4th grade who couldn't tell on my shit groupmates." You interjected, crossing your arms in front of the taller boy. "Anyway, if I ever need help, you're always the first one I'll call, you already know that."

He pouted down at you. "Sure?"

And you nodded with a laugh at his ridiculous expression, uncrossing your arms as you couldn't fight the amusement creeping up on you whenever Beomgyu tries to act cute anymore. "Positive."

So on the next two blind dates that Yeji set up for you that summer, you were pretty sure that Beomgyu only kept tabs on you through text as the hoodie and glasses were nowhere to be seen when you and your dates went out.

♡

On Beomgyu’s end, if he were to pick a top one habit of yours that he finds the most annoying it would be your tendency to hide your artworks from him until it’s finished when he’s always showing you his drafts.

Much like how you often try hiding your burdens, troubles, and blind dates from him, you often ban Beomgyu from seeing your drafts and sketches until the work itself is done which, as a fellow artist, makes him want to sneak up on you even more.

Especially when you think that you’ll be working on a particular project for a long time or if it’s in a medium you haven’t tried before, you’d often be blocking Beomgyu from seeing a peek of your plans out of a weird superstition that you might not finish anything if you hear a comment from him too early.

As your musician best friend who’s always showing you his own work even when it’s still disjointed lyrics and melodies in his head, Beomgyu sometimes thinks that you don’t trust him enough in something important as your own art. Without you knowing, it hurts him a bit sometimes because it’s as if he can’t be useful for you in that sense when you're always his most trusted critic when it comes to his music.

“It’s not like I can possibly make a bad comment.” Beomgyu insisted sometime during midterms as you talked over your senior thesis projects over dinner. It was almost 2 AM in your dorm’s communal kitchen, your mugs only half-filled with lukewarm chocolate when the boy asked if he could take a peek at your sketchbook after letting you hear some of his new music. “With you and your art? Impossible to make any bad comments I’m telling you!”

“Eh, but—“ Maybe it was the tiredness from having been up for 24 hours straight, trying to stay on top of your piling requirements, that unlike your usual response to Beomgyu’s pouting and puppy eyes, you decided to blurt out, “I just—I don’t know…I think too highly of your opinion.”

Beomgyu was effectively rendered frozen and speechless, missing the way you slouched your shoulders and hid your face behind your hair after your confession. “I—what?”

“Don’t make me repeat it.” You deadpanned, taking another sip of your chocolate next to him. At least with your shoulders touching, you couldn't see the way his expression unconsciously softened while listening to you. "It's already embarrassing enough as it is."

“But…but why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you think highly of my opinion? It’s just me.” Beomgyu chuckled nervously, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment as he spoke. “Not like I’m a professional artist or whatever.”

“Do I really have to say it?”

Beomgyu nodded, pursing his lips. "I'm being serious right now." He pretended to squint his eyes and furrow his brows and you rolled your eyes in response.

With a sigh, you then answered. “It’s exactly because you’re you. You’re Choi Beomgyu, the annoying kid from the neighborhood who just decided one day that he’d join me at the plastic tables in the playground when he saw me drawing flowers on my mom's notepad. The one who bought me my first oil paint set for Christmas in the 7th grade because he said he noticed how much I enjoyed it in our Art class. The one who always adds more compliments to my work along with actually helpful feedback even when I ask for criticisms only because he’s too nice for his own good but he’s also very intuitive.

“You…annoying as it is, you’re kind of very important in my art and it makes me nervous sometimes to show you anything before it’s complete because I think it has to be perfect and totally not disappointing even when you first see it. I only want you to see good things from me...”

While the silence that followed felt like an hour for you, it felt like forever in Beomgyu's mind as his thoughts flew to the memories as you mentioned them.

Much like you, he can also vividly remember how exactly you befriended each other at the playground then, when he complimented your doodle of the daisy bushes by the swings because you drew them a little too well for a five-year-old with broken crayons and an unsharpened pencil. You even complained to him that you can render the flowers better if you just didn't forget your sharpener at home, leading to a whole conversation that you continued at the swings where he offered to push you for the rest of that afternoon.

He remembers that 7th grade Christmas when he picked your name for the class Secret Santa and didn't even have to read more on the wishlist below your name because he was already set on buying you an oil paint set and some brushes to go with it outside of the classroom. He knew you were saving up to buy it in the summer yourself but he also knew that it'd make you even happier to get it six months earlier so it was easy for him to take money from his own savings that were supposed to go on a new ukulele.

But more importantly, his mind lingers to a memory you didn't mention, to that day outside of the teacher's lounge when you were first filling in your college applications. While your other friends were talking animatedly about what they were planning to do after your high school graduation, you were unusually quiet next to Beomgyu as you filled out your application which quickly prompted him to ask if you were okay.

"What did you put in your program?" He had asked after, leaning his head on your shoulder only for you to cover the top half of your application with your hands. "Ya, I want to see!"

"No, it's embarrassing!" You protested, moving the form away from his peering eyes when his hand tries to reach for it. "You'll know later anyway if I pass Seoul University!"

"You mean 'when' you pass." He corrected, resting his chin on your shoulder this time before peering up at you. "And why are you embarrassed over your program? It's not the most embarrassing choice you've made in front of me."

"Ya!"

"So what is it?"

You leaned away from him and Beomgyu found it weirdly strange to be on eye-level with you while seated after he's suddenly grown almost a head taller than you over the summer. "I might...do a double degree on Painting and Sculpture."

"What's embarrassing about that? If anything, I'd be surprised if those two are nowhere near your top five options." He raised a brow almost instinctively. "Y/N, a double degree's impressive as hell!"

"It's just that..." You stumbled shyly over your words, scratching the nape of your neck. "I don't know, it's a shot in the dark. It's not like I'm that good like how you're great with your music."

"That's bullshit. You've always been talented and hardworking when it comes to your art. If anything, it's me who's always trying to catch up with you." He countered immediately, sitting up straight with a serious expression on his face. "And it's something you love and want to learn more of so why would it be embarrassing? Be confident and own your passions, Y/N."

"They might not actually see that if I don't do well in the exams and the portfolio I turn in. For all we know, I suck compared to other people."

"You literally just won a mural competition last summer." Beomgyu rolled his eyes. "Admissions would be dumb to reject you."

Looking back on that memory almost four years ago, the revelation of what you really think of him makes Beomgyu's head spin that he had to quickly snap himself back to reality when you downed the last of your chocolate and mumbled how opening up was a mistake to yourself.

"I'm going to bed." You announced, rubbing your eyes tiredly and clutching your mug to your chest.

Before you could leave the table, however, Beomgyu quickly grabs onto your arm. "Wait, wait, no!"

"I'm tired as shit. You can rub my emotional comments on my face tomorrow morning."

"It's not that." Beomgyu frowned, tugging on your arm for you to sit down again. When you hesitantly follow along with him, he then continued, "It's just...is that why you tried hiding your application form from me back then?"

"I mean, I wasn't as confident in myself then as I am now and I had my other doubts about taking the program itself but...yeah, I guess." You shrugged slowly, looking everywhere but him. "I also thought that if I take both Painting and Sculpture, I have to make you proud no matter what."

On any other day, he would've teased you for it but he knew you'd probably smack his head on the table in that moment. So, instead, he held back on a smile and nudged you gently on the shoulder. "You make me proud no matter what you do." He assured. "And, if you must know, I also think highly of your opinion on my music...I guess we just show it in different ways.

"And if you're not ready to show me some of your new projects yet, it's okay. I can wait for all of them because I know they'll all turn out great."

You then looked up at him with raised brows. "Even if I make you wait until graduation for some of them?"

"I might ask Ryujin or Soobin to take photos of your progress for me if I have to wait that long." He joked, making you chuckle. "You know, the usual."

"Sure you will." You scoffed before picking up his mug on the table and standing up again. "Dude, come on, we really have to go to bed."

IV. WE KEEP SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER

It's not to say, however, that there aren't any instances when your roles are unwittingly reversed. Beomgyu also closes himself off from you and everyone else from time to time and you naturally end up being the nosy one banging on his door and demanding for him to at least let you know that he's eating well.

It's often when Beomgyu's stressed—when there's too much work to be done, especially in his music, or when he suddenly finds himself in a problem that he unusually doesn't share with you at the first encounter.

In these moments, you usually start noticing a week before he could even lock himself in his room and isolate himself from all of your friends. Especially since university began when you'd mostly meet in the day at lunch with your friends, he'd stop pestering you to elaborate more on a story you'd tell half-heartedly but he'll still hold your hand under the tables in front of all of your friends, squeezing it more often than usual out of anxiety.

And his smile never reaches his eyes when he's stressed, the same way his laugh would be quieter, an easy giveaway that he's going through something he's decided to keep on his own.

So as someone who's noticed his patterns over the years, you let him be at first, squeezing his hand back and initiating all the jokes in the group for him to finish with the punchline so he doesn't linger too much in his own thoughts.

Then when Hueningkai or Soobin do message you that Beomgyu hasn't left his room except to go to only half of his classes, you're quick to come up to his dorm with takeout and whatever project you're working on, knowing that what he really needs best in these moments is company.

There's times when Beomgyu acts extra bratty and doesn't let you in his personal space for a couple of days, a week at most like the time he was so stressed about Toto getting sick back in your Freshman year. It takes a lot of time out of your week and money from your weekly allowance buying him food but you wait patiently by his door anyway, catching up on your studies on the hallway floor if you're at the dorms or outside his room back in your neighborhood and occasionally knocking on his door to ensure that he's still alive.

But when he does let you in, opening the door just wide enough for you to see his bloodshot tired eyes and a blanket over his head, you take the initiative to open the door wider and hug him before anything else.

You almost never initiate skinship as much as you never share things until they're prodded out of you by Beomgyu, he knows that well so that's exactly what you do when you first see him in this state. All the time.

You don't speak until he lets you go and you're allowed to occupy his space with him. Back in your old neighborhood, you would put your things on his desk next to his own and work quietly until he decides to open up to you on his own accord.

Since college started, however, things have been slightly different in that once you're in the room, you'd sit on his bed first and let him hug you until he's ready to talk. If his roommate, Hueningkai, would be there at the end of the day, you'd throw a shoe at the younger boy and ask him to come back after dinner with the promise that you'd play Mario Kart with him the next weekend.

When Beomgyu's stressed, he likes it better when it's just the two of you, your exact opposite since you'd rather have all of your close friends with you on a hangout when you're in a similar state of mind.

The most stressed Beomgyu has been in college was when he was finishing the first official album for TXT, the band he formed with Yeonjun, Soobin, Taehyun, and Hueningkai in the summer before your freshman year. It was in the second semester of your junior year, when both of you were also preparing for internship applications on top of academics and the clubs piling one on top of each other that you sort of saw this coming as soon as you felt stressed out yourself.

Beomgyu only let you in his dorm room on your fifth day of camping out, crying out his frustrations on your shoulders for almost two hours that you had to change into one of his shirts after and ask Hueningkai to bring up a whole pitcher of water for your best friend to drink over dinner.

"I—I...I just...I can't! I can't finish the songs! I'm going insane!" He exclaimed on your shoulder, his cries muffled against you but you don't mind as you continue rubbing his back in circles and reminding him to breathe. "And...and nothing's been going my way these days! Not in my classes, not in the radio show or on the soccer team! I'm just...I'm just so out of it, Y/N!"

You hummed comfortingly, carefully moving both him and yourself so you're both sitting up properly once more. You then pointed to his open laptop and computer screens on the desk across the room with a small smile, "I can see your progress from here, though. You've been doing well. You're trying and getting things done, that's what matters."

"It's not all that good..."

You shook your head almost immediately, handing him another pack of tissues you've brought with you before discarding the used ones in the nearby trash bin. "Yes, it is! I've heard the drafts before you locked yourself up in here, they're all great." You retorted, tilting your head when he buries his face in the crook of your neck once more. "I think I like Thursday's Child Has Far To Go and Maze in the Mirror the most. They're very you.

"And about your classes and clubs, just take your time with them. Soobin and I e-mailed some of your profs already, Jeongin and Tae are handling the radio show well, and I'm sure Sunwoo and the rest of the soccer team would understand your absence for now.

"For now, just do what you want to do. Rest if you want to rest. If you want to focus on the band, then that's fine too. Everything will align themselves in time, just please don't forget to take care of yourself."

"And if they don't? Align themselves in time, I mean?"

His breathing was ragged then from all of the crying and his eyes the reddest and puffiest you've ever seen them. You figured from then on that you really hate seeing Beomgyu cry in frustration the most.

"They will, I promise. They always do with you." You replied without thinking, hesitantly patting his head and gently wiping his tears with your thumbs. "And you know I'll stay with you here until you're satisfied with your progress. Or at least for a couple of days because I have tons of presentations next week."

He sniffled a bit, spraying his hands with alcohol and adjusting the blanket wrapped around him. "W-What are you going to work on in a bit?"

You scoffed, already expecting that he'd ask. "I brought a project for my Sculpture II class, if that's okay. I also brought newspapers so I don't make a mess on the floor." You answered anyway, chuckling when his eyes immediately lit up. "You've been bugging me about it so I thought I can show you the my progress just this once to cheer you up."

And as if a light switch was turned, the glossiness previously in his eyes suddenly looked like sparkles as he sat up straight. "I could smother your face in kisses right now."

"Wipe that snot off of your nose first." You pretended to cringe when he dramatically opened his arms wide and puckered his lips. At that moment, you immediately knew that he was feeling a bit better, at least. "Geez, sometimes, I think you just sulk sometimes to get me to come here and show you my works early."

"I'm not that evil!" He pouted, taking the weighted blanket off of his back and getting off the bed. "Though, now that you've suggested it..."

A pillow then quickly landed on his face. "Choi Beomgyu!"

So you spent three nights at Beomgyu and Hueningkai's dorm room, working on a bust of Yeonjun (it's a long story involving you losing a bet to him at your last group hangout) on the floor while Beomgyu finished the final edits to TXT's songs. You then go back to your own dorm room before breakfast to freshen up for your class then come back again after your classes, often around 4 PM.

And when Beomgyu finally caught up with his classes and extra-curriculars, he surprised you with an invitation to TXT's surprise album launch over a month later.

Another thing about Beomgyu is that he's strangely great with surprises, preparing elaborate plans for occasions like your birthday, the holidays, or when he's bounced back from a difficult situation right under your nose.

Initially, the boys only told you that they'd release the album after finals week and play it at the year-end school festival, the first time they would be performing a full set of original songs. Though you, Yeji, Ryujin, and Yunjin insisted that they should do a proper album launch, all five of the boys just kept saying excuses or shifting the topic to something else.

On your last official school day for that semester, however, you suddenly received a notification from TXT's social medias about a surprise album launch at a cafe you frequent with all of your friends and a personal message from Beomgyu telling you to come over 30 minutes before the show.

So in retaliation, you made sure to stop over at the nearest flower shop with the girls and surprise Beomgyu with at least a congratulatory bouquet of roses, the same size as the one he gave you all of those years ago.

Said bouquet almost getting ruined when Beomgyu hugged you the moment you entered the cafe.

"You came!" He exclaimed giddily on your neck, almost toppling you to the ground as his arms encircled your waist. "You came! You came! You came!"

You scoffed, taking a moment to regain your footing as you rested your cheek against your best friend and carefully held the bouquet behind his head. "Of course I'd come. I'm your number one fan."

"Sure you are." He feigned a sniffle before tilting his head away to press a kiss to your cheek. "But still, thank you for coming. This means a lot to me."

"I know."

"You helped finished this album."

"I doubt that. I just worked with you in silence for three days straight."

He shook his head fervently, pulling away from you fully by then and leading you to the makeshift stage across the room. "You helped me refocus and get back on my feet so I can finish everything. I think you helped big time." He retorted before picking up his guitar from its stand. "Anyway, I have another surprise!"

"I only got you one." You feigned a frown while shaking the bouquet in your hands, making him chuckle before occupying the empty high stool next to him. "I'll have to get back at you again after this."

"You're already doing so much for me coming here tonight. And you bought me really expensive flowers!" He assured, strumming the guitar a few times. When you then opened your mouth to retort, he quickly interjected, "Anyway, I wrote this song for you! I'm still thinking if I want us to perform this later but I really just want to play it for you right now before anything."

So in the middle of that cafe, while your friends ran around preparing the decorations and doing soundchecks, Beomgyu sang his song, "Nap of a Star," with his guitar on his lap and his phone with the lyrics on the music stand.

"I can see even without you in front of me. I feel you, even without saying anything. Because I believe in you, even if I'm anxious

"I can touch even without you in front of my eyes. I reach even if you go far away from me. Just by remembering you, my heart always dances like before

"I want to become your nap and dream together always as if nothing happened. The evening sunset and the darkened night sky, my heart is full of you."

He occasionally giggled and fumbled on the guitar a bit everytime he glanced over in your general direction but he finished the song with you nearly in tears, something you instinctively hid by smacking him in the arm once the guitar was out of the way.

"You jerk! You wrote that for me? Are you sure?" You exclaimed, rapidly blinking back tears. "And I only got you flowers today! God, you're making me look like a bad friend!"

He rolled his eyes, getting down from the high stool and standing in front of you. With your own chair's height, you were easily at eye-level with him as he smiled at you. "I already told you, just coming over to hear us is already enough. Don't worry about it." He assured. "Anyway, what did you think of the song?"

"It's beautiful, of course." You scoffed half-heartedly, making him chuckle. "Was that night walk in the lyrics about—?"

"That night walk at the art fair? Yeah." He grinned shyly, rubbing the nape of his neck.

Once, in the 9th grade, you had a big fight with Beomgyu over Areum, at that point his ex-girlfriend. What you both do remember the most about it is how it happened on the week before a planned trip to an art fair in the busier district of Seoul that you were really excited about.

Though you were pretty sure that you weren't on speaking terms with him that time, he still showed up at the bus stop on the day itself, prompting you to apologize to each other before heading to the art fair together.

"You were crying like shit in public that we had to move to a more secluded area because people were looking. Then, you almost choked me to death with your hug." You recalled in confusion. "Not like I was any better but..."

"I put it in because I really thought our friendship was over then." He explained with a pout. "Then the first words we told each other when you saw me at the bus stop were apologies and...ah, it's very cheesy but I just think back to that time whenever I miss you. I think it's one of those moments I remember when I think of our bond."

You smack him again, this time directly on his chest, but the tears also flow freely this time. "God, you're so...you're so poetic and annoying! And you're making me cry!"

"I take that as a win." He laughed deeply as he hugged you, one hand rubbing your back soothingly while the other cupped your face and wiped your tears gently.

"How can you even say those things without crying? We've been friends for almost 16 years, damn it, Gyu." You mumbled in his plaid shirt, hugging him back. "I-I really love the song…”

"Years of practice on how to say it properly, actually." He joked half-heartedly, rubbing your back even more and mumbling to a passing Soobin something about the last preparations for the album launch. "That's why I do all the talking for us."

V. I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH

Your thesis for your Painting degree, you realize right before the Winter break this senior year, is the perfect surprise to get back at Beomgyu. While you've briefly mentioned that you'll have to take an extra year to complete your Sculpture degree's senior thesis, you're focusing on your Painting degree in your 4th year and have miraculously kept it under wraps from everyone including your best friend because everything's been hidden in your laptop and at the studios.

At the same time, it sort of fits. Though overall, most of the studies, actual finished works, and research you've done so far for your thesis are focused on human relationships overall, traces of Beomgyu have been slipping in here and there, reminding you that it's quite hard to paint anything about your friends or your first love without him.

He's in the series of studies you did of all of your friend groups, in a watercolor rendition of the faces you remember from your old neighborhood's playground, and even in a charcoal rendition of your favorite romance book characters as your thesis advisor suggested that you try and explore.

And he's in even more finished works and abandoned sketches way before that, some you unconvered in your old binders while researching for your thesis.

It could just be the extra hustle and bustle of your senior year, with you and all of your friends busier than ever as you work on your final year. Not to mention, you still have to prepare balancing a job at the university museum with your fifth year classes next year and Beomgyu's been busy putting out new music with TXT and discussing a junior producer position at an entertainment company.

But it's been almost a whole month since you last went to a proper lunch (one that isn't jut coffee and convenience store ramen) with any of your friends which is a whole record for you and Beomgyu, in particular. You're probably just missing the guy a bit too much these days that even just getting his daily cheer up messages has been messing with your thoughts all over again.

(Not that it doesn't mess you up on any normal day. It's just a tad bit extra now that you haven't seen his face around in a while)

So when you brought up to your thesis advisor the idea of painting a portrait of Beomgyu, the studies of which you would gift him for Christmas then remake as a proper oil painting for your thesis after the Winter break, there wasn't much of a complaint on her part.

Hell, you might even suspect that Prof Kim, a mentor whom you've also had in past studio classes, has been secretly rooting for you this whole time after years of always seeing Beomgyu randomly pop up around the department building.

"And what kind of relationship will a portrait of Choi Beomgyu represent in your exhibit?" She asked on Monday with a teasing glint in her eyes, a copy of your project research in her hands.

Your face heated up in an instant as you fumbled over your words, something you quickly excuse as a reaction related to the snow outside. "I—well...I'll figure that out later which I know is a cop out answer academically but I'll connect it to something in my RRL later, I promise!"

Prof Kim chuckled, closing her binder. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Personally, I think you already have it in your RRL and project proposal, you just need to make a more explicit mention of your friend in the paper moving forward since he'll be a subject in one of your finished works."

You nodded sheepishly, quickly gathering your things and standing up to bow at your advisor. "I'll e-mail you my progress again next week before the break!"

"No, no, it's okay! Just e-mail me after the holidays, I won't deduct grades or anything!"

A few days later, you're on the floor of your dorm room with Ryujin and Yeji cramming their own choreographies for their respective senior theses in another corner of the room while you finished your second study of Beomgyu, using your most recent photos as a reference.

The small 12x16 canvas you were working on sat comfortably on an equally small easel on your work desk, another canvas of the same dimensions drying by the windowsill next to a pile of old photos at the same time. Since your thesis would only require photos of your studies, you figured that you can give all of them to Beomgyu then make an extra oil painting of the two of you, knowing that he'd probably shy away (after making egotistical jokes, of course) if it's all just him.

"So what would the final painting be?" Ryujin suddenly asked as Yeji pauses the music for a five-minute break, approaching you as she drinks a bottle of cold water. "They're all so different."

You glanced over your shoulder and frown. "That's the thing, I'm not really sure how I want to paint him in the final work."

"Why?" Yeji asked this time, sitting cross-legged on a nearby mat.

You shrugged in response. "I don't know. Honestly, I thought if I do some studies, I'd get a clearer idea but I'm already three paintings in and I still have no plan of action for the one that actually counts to a grade." You sighed, turning your attention back to your unfinished painting.

"At least you have the Christmas gift ready!" Ryujin half-heartedly joked, sitting on an empty chair next to you. On your peripheral vision, you also caught Yeji nodding with a hopeful smile. "You don't have to paint the final work until after the break, anyway."

"Yeah, but it's the one that's going to be displayed at the exhibit at the end of the year." You pointed out matter-of-factly, carefully finishing the last layer of your painting. "And it has to be perfect."

"Maybe you can work something out over the break? You're going home to your neighborhood with Beomgyu and spending more time with him, anyway." Yeji suggested next. "Maybe then you'll have a clearer idea, hm?"

And Yeji was definitely right, as she always is, when you do go home to your old neighborhood with Beomgyu after the last official school day of the semester and find yourself hanging out in his childhood bedroom on the days leading up to Christmas much like the old days.

The idea comes to you on the afternoon of Christmas Eve almost two weeks later, when you invited yourself at the Choi's once more to listen to TXT's new songs and catch up with Toto. You sat cross-legged on Beomgyu's bed with your own earphones connected to his laptop and a live-sketch of the boy in his favorite green plaid shirt and freshly cut and dyed black hair on your lap.

Glancing over at him and seeing the way his eyes sparkled as you listened to "Way Home," it was a rather quick revelation to you that the best way to paint your best friend is in his most comfortable state. Just like this: when it's just the two of you drawing and listening to music, basking in the comfort of each other's company.

So you looked back at him again as the song transitioned to "Blue Hour," trying to take in as much of his features in that moment as much as you can. The faint sunlight coming in through the fogged up windows, Beomgyu's messy hair and skewed reading glasses, his hand propped up on his desk as he rested his cheek on his palm, his brows furrowed slightly in concentration as he worked only to consciously soften them when he looks at you, the way he talked animatedly about certain parts of the song with a boyish but proud grin on his lips.

Before you can even listen to the third song, you were already placing your hand on his upper arm and asking him to stay still for a moment.

"Why?" He asked, blinking twice while his hands go to pausing the song on his laptop anyway.

"I'm trying to memorize your face in this light." You answered absentmindedly, turning to a fresh page on your sketchbook and looking at him for a minute longer before removing your hand from him. "Okay."

"Okay?" He chuckled nervously. "What was that for? Are you going to send the mafia to kill me or something?"

You rolled your eyes, folding your knees closer to your chest to hide your sketchbook as you start anew. "It's a secret."

He then tried peering over your shoulder, moving the chair he was sitting on closer to the bed. "Are you drawing me?"

"Maybe." You teased with a smirk before pulling the sketchbook closer to your chest when he tried peering again. "Play the next song, Gyu."

Painting him in another solo portrait then on one of the two of you after that was relatively quick and easy as you finished your final gifts on Christmas Day while Beomgyu and his family went to a reunion out of town. While the last painting study, the one you'll render to a bigger canvas after the break, is him looking back at you fondly on that Christmas Eve afternoon, the additional painting of the two of you was from a candid photo Taehyun took when Beomgu played you Nap of a Star.

So now, here you are, in your room this time with the portraits gift-wrapped on the foot of your bed while your best friend handed you a late Christmas gift of his own.

"I was going to make it on my computer at first since everyone was sending in pictures on chats but then Yeonjun said that it might end up looking like the slideshows you have at funerals even with my superior editing skills." Beomgyu explained with a nervous chuckle as you unwrapped the gift, finding a thick scrapbook of all of your memories and mementos growing up. "Since everything else of you that I have—the pictures, the craft store receipts, Lotte World tickets, and everything—are all in boxes at home and at the dorms, I just thought I'd print the pictures I got from our friends and instead of scanning the things I already have then make it into a physical scrapbook.

"You did always say that you want to make one someday but we never really had the time so I thought I'd start it for you and, surprisingly, there are too many things in my own space that are yours or remind me of you."

You browse through the abnormally thick book in surprise and amusement, not even knowing that Beomgyu's kept even the simplest scraps of paper related to you after all these years. From the pictures his mom took of the two of you for every first day of school until the 12th grade to the candid photos he's taken of you over the years on his phone (regardless of how unflattering they are—you make sure to smack him in the arm everytime you come across one as you continue browsing) to notes you'd leave on his locker whenever he missed school and all the Christmas tags you've put on your previous gifts, it's the most detailed history of the two of you from when you met up until the present, complete with small captions handwritten by the boy himself.

So much so that you even linger on some of the pages you never thought you'd see, including the sketch you drew that day on the playground, the first note he passed you in class in the 1st grade, and a copy of the front page of the Science paper you crammed with him in the 6th grade.

"How did you even get some of these?" You ask, pointing to a photo of the two of you from your first Christmas together you somehow forgot existed. It was in the 1st grade when the Chois had to cancel going to their annual family reunion because of Mr. Choi's work so your families ended up watching the neighborhood fireworks display together. "I don't even think I have a copy of this!"

"That's from my mom! Also took her a long time to find on her phone." Beomgyu grins before turning to another page just full of flattened flowers, mostly daisies and roses. "And these are from all the bouquets you've bought me for recitals, graduations, and our first album launch! I kept at least one of everything because I wanted to use them in a project someday but I wasn't really sure what until I got the idea to make you a scrapbook."

"How did you even decide to give me a scrapbook for Christmas? And going through all the trouble of asking everyone we know for extra pictures? I thought you were busy with the band and your thesis?" You ask next, turning to the last page and finding a bunch of old letters and old invitations, the one from your senior prom standing out. By this point, it was hard to keep the stray tears at bay as you sniffle, making Beomgyu laugh before passing you tissues.

You went with all of your friends back then but you only danced alone with Beomgyu, somehow deluding yourself into thinking that he would confess and reciprocate your feelings.

But he never did, holding himself back from saying anymore in front of your house and simply kissing your forehead at the end of the night, and that was probably the only time you cried over the boy for that reason.

Beomgyu scratches his head and smiles sheepishly before slowly gesturing over to your wrapped gift for him. "A-Ah, well...Ryujin may or may not have mentioned something about you slaving away the past few weeks for your gift."

Your jaw slacks. "Are you serious?"

Before you could protest even more, however, Beomgyu's quick to raise his hands up in defense and interject, "Well, to be fair, I got the original idea of a simple scrapbook with everything I have way before Ryujin approached me! Then she mentioned sometime ago how hard you were working on my Christmas present that I had to up the stakes and ask for more pictures and stuff from everyone else after.

"And it wasn't that time consuming, actually! Everyone was happy to share photos and even some stories about you which I wrote in some of the entries because I thought it was sweet. Just...I want you to feel absolutely loved with this gift.

"And I mean, isn't it also nice seeing us from other people's point of view?" He points out next, flipping back to the pages mainly dedicated to photos of you and your mutual friends mixed in with photos they took of you. "It's also kind of a gift from everyone else in that sense."

You wipe another set of stray tears, making Beomgyu pout and reach a hand up to help you.

"Are you okay—?"

"I love it so much." You sniffle, smacking his arm before hugging the scrapbook to your chest. "Thank you, Gyu."

He heaves a sigh of relief, clutching his chest with his free hand. "There are still some blank pages towards the end. I figured you can put your own stuff in it if since I know you keep some things in the box under the bed." He suggests, patting the bed as if to gesture to the boxes you keep under it. "Or if you want, we can just fill it with new stuff later."

"Will you help me add in my own things?"

He nods with a bright smile. "We can do it before dinner with your parents." He then reaches towards the opposite end of the bed and picks up his gift, shaking it in front of him and asking next, "Should I open my gift in the meantime?"

"Yes, please. I can't be the only one crying right now." You nod with a chuckle, moving the scrapbook to your bedside table and helping him remove the tapes all over his gift.

"Before you make your usual complaint that it's too much, it's also actually part of my senior thesis for my Painting degree. Remember how I mentioned last time that I decided to make two separate theses for my programs? So, these are studies for one of my final paintings." You explain as the paintings come into view, Beomgyu's eyes widening and his jaw slacking in an instant.

"Woah..." He breathes, laying the canvases next to each other gently. “This is...this is amazing!"

"And there's one of the two of us. Look." You point at the last painting with a small smile. "The reference is from a photo Taehyun sent to our chat after the album launch."

"A-And...and where are the other portraits from?" He asks in a lower voice after a moment, eyes sparkling when he looks up at you again.

You gulp down any feelings of wanting to melt on the spot, pointing to each painting as you answer, "The first portrait's from a photo I took at your last gig, the second one's from last summer when we went to Haeundae beach, and the third one's from just the other day when you were letting me listen to your new music."

He points to the last one shyly, his cheeks flushed pink as the two of you look over at the painting of him listening to music on his headphones with a small smile on his face. "This was in my room?"

You nod, equally shy now that he's asking the questions upfront. "I-I just figured...you looked so warm and cozy then and that's always how I remember you so...yeah. That's also the one I'll be painting in the final work that's going in my thesis."

"Really?" His eyes widen even more, to which you simply nod once more before briefly looking away from him.

"Yeah, because my thesis is mostly on human relationships and, really, the rationale in all of these paintings is that I wanted to portray you as how you are in my eyes which is—"

Before you could even finish your thought, however, Beomgyu's oversized hoodie engulfs you and his lips land on your cheek. Then he gives you another peck, this time on a spot just slightly higher on the same cheek.

Then another, and another, before moving to another cheek. "You're amazing. I love you so much." He whispers against your skin dangerously close to your lips, almost as if he was telling you a very important secret.

And you know he means it differently than the other times he casually says it to you when he doesn't laugh excitedly between his words or jokingly force you to say it back as he would often do.

Instead, he punctuates the declaration by cupping your face gently and repeating the words again. "I love you so much. I love you the most." He sighs, meeting your gaze desperately.

And it's probably the years of knowing him that he doesn't have to elaborate on it further for you to catch on. At the same time, you feel a weight lift itself off of your shoulders at this, one that you haven't even realized you've been carrying along with you this whole time, hugging the boy back tighter with your arms on his waist in response.

“Can I?” He asks next, stroking your cheek with his thumb as his eyes momentarily flickers down to your lips.

You nod with a soft hum almost instantly, tilting your face as he closes the gap between your lips.

Beomgyu kisses you like it's the most natural thing in the world for him to do, his lips feeling comforting on top of yours as he conveys every built up feeling and all the kinds of love he’s had for you in the past 16 years and receives the same back from you.

And all negative thoughts you’ve had, worries that your best friend will never look at you the same way you’ve always hoped for him to, are immediately thrown off the window and replaced by the assurance that Choi Beomgyu, the nuisance who’s been affectionately stuck to your hip since day one, is in love with you.

"I love you." He repeats, voice muffled towards the end as he gives you another fleeting kiss before rubbing your noses together. "You know what I mean, right?"

"I love you too." You reply on your own accord, panting slightly as you fill your lungs in with air and biting your lip as you feel your face heat up after. "I outlined it out at the bottom of our painting too with my signature, in case you didn't spot it."

"Ya, I did." He chuckles sheepishly, briefly moving to sit away to put your paintings on the side of the bed. Before the space he previously occupied in front of you grows cold, his arms are back around you once more as he tackles you down on the bed. "I'll hang all of them in my dorm when we get back."

"You can't nail things to the walls then graduate. That's not how it works." You laugh with a shake of your head, encircling your arms on his neck as he props himself on his elbows on top of you. When he laughs along, something in your heart stirs happily at how the two of you could go from intimate to casual so smoothly, assuring you that nothing much is going to change—just now with more-than-friendly kisses and the assurance that your best friend feels the same about you. "Anyway, they're all small enough to go on your desk at the dorms and at the studio."

"Then I'll put them on my work desk at the studio. Everyone has to know I have a really talented partner."

"Partner?" You scoff teasingly against the sudden rapid beating of your heart, playfully pushing him away. "I'm your significant other now?"

"Didn't I make it clear enough with the kisses and the hug? Not even with the fact that I've been sticking by you my entire life?" He feigns a pout as he easily rolls the two of you over with you comfortably on top of him now. "Should we make out instead?"

Your face heats up more at the comment, eyes widening when he does press a longer kiss on your lips and even manages to open your mouth while you’re distracted. "That's also not how it works, Gyu!" You manage to successfully push him away and roll your eyes, hiding your face in his chest in embarrassment.

"Then will you be my significant other? I'll take care of you like I always have, just with more kisses! Maybe some other things too like just five seconds ago." He dramatically asks with a smirk, teasingly prying your hands away from your face. "What? You wanted me to ask!"

"What happened to having shit taste in people and dating each other being an insult, then?” You tease one last time, making him groan. "Or not liking anyone I like, hm? You’re kind of contradicting yourself here.”

"We’re contradicting ourselves. I think I know enough Math to know that negatives cancel each other out." He retorts before leaning down for another kiss and resting his head on your chest after.

"But you suck at Math.”

"Do you want help with the scrapbook or not?"

VI. (epilogue) MAYBE WE WORK A LITTLE TOO WELL

A big bouquet of red roses and sunflowers is dropped in your arms by Beomgyu for the second time in your life, purposeful this time as he follows it with a an extra daisy tucked in your ear and a kiss.

"Congratulations on the exhibit, baby!" He greets you giddily after with a grin and a soft pat on your head. "I’m so proud of you! You’ve worked so hard!”

"Ew, ew, ew, not in front of us, please." Hueningkai complains, hiding behind Yeonjun and Taehyun as you lead your friends around your thesis exhibit. “I’m a child!”

You roll your eyes, draping your free arm around Beomgyu's waist anyway as Ryujin and Yeji wander off to the portraits you made of your family while the boys approach your studies on your high school and college friends.

"I have another surprise, by the way!" Your boyfriend speaks up again, taking out his phone and placing an earphone on your left ear. "I may or may not have gotten the idea from that time you were finishing up your thesis in the studio."

"I'm fucking scared." You joke, adjusting the earphone anyway while he wears the right bud on his right ear. "What is this?"

From what you can remember of those all-nighters two weeks ago, you brought your remaining works in his studio to work with him in the same space. While Beomgyu was winding down from having just finished his own thesis and recording the demo for a new song, you were trying to work quietly in your own corner, alternating between singing TXT's old songs to yourself or mumbling about how you were going to present the written part of your thesis to Prof Kim.

You also remember making out on the studio sofa while you’re on break but you’re pretty sure (well, you’re hoping your boyfriend's not insane like that) that it’s not anything remotely related to that in particular.

Beomgyu then takes your hand, leading you to where Yeji and Ryujin are. "Let's start here. I followed your gallery's pamphlet but modified it a bit towards the end so we'll end up in the painting you made of us."

And when you do stop in front of the painting series, that of your family over the years, Beomgyu's pre-recorded voice rings through your ears.

"Hello and welcome to "Why We Work,” a senior thesis by artist and my beautiful, beautiful partner, Y/N Y/L/N." Beomgyu proudly announces in the recording, making you laugh out loud in an instant. Faint in the background, you can distinctly hear Maze in the Mirror's instrumentals playing. "Y/N, baby, are you tuning in? Congratulations on finally finishing your Painting thesis! I made you an audio guide!”

You smack the real Beomgyu on his arm as you try and regain your composure. "Ya, you brat! What is this?”

He only giggles in response, making a shushing gesture dramatically. "Shh, just continue listening in. I made it for the whole gallery."

You roll your eyes but tune in anyway, responding well to the commentary as you walk with Beomgyu and even discussing some of the works yourself live and more in-depth.

“This was really sweet of you.”

“It is sweet of me, you’re welcome.” He teases, earning him another smack on the arm.

taglist: @wccycc @4beomy

[dxmiyoung]

hello! (pt 2)

hiii everyone it's carly, @jaeyongdx's mun, back at it again for another intro! this time i have ms miyoung, your local empath and very poised and put together cat lady. i'll once again ramble and offer some plot ideas below the cut! i will just plot with anyone for both muses no matter who likes which intro but feel free to like this if you'd like to plot anyway <3 just in case i can reel some of u in with one muse and not the other hehe. fair warning that suicide is a part of miyoung's bg, though nothing graphic is mentioned anywhere, and i'll always tag and use content warnings accordingly! i don't imagine i'll write about it in too much detail, but you never know, and i always prefer to be safe. here is miyoung's about page, and her playlist as a bonus 💗

ABOUT MIYOUNG

she's the baby of her family and they were very kind and normal

her older sister and brother were also both empaths

her oldest sister passed away during childbirth when miyoung was only 7, but at least she got her nephew @dxseoyun out of it

her empathy manifested that same year. it was a lot

her brother always had trouble managing his ability. it was incredibly strong and he was bombarded with everyone's emotions all the time, even across longer distances. medication didn't help enough

( SUICIDE TW ) he took his own life when miyoung was 16. her emotion negation manifested this year, and she used it to Survive

her mother passed by suicide as well, a day before her brother's funeral (/END TW)

this caused miyoung to dedicate herself to studying psychology. she wanted to honor her family and also try to prevent other families from experiencing the tragedies she did

she got several years to heal and find happiness alongside her father, thankfully

he was eventually diagnosed with a fatal kidney disease, though. he was hospitalized within the year and ended up passing away too

she developed her death sense ability about a week before he died. she thought it was anxiety at first but it just Hit Different. and she would feel it for others in the hospital, too, not just her dad

at least it brought her some peace when she lost him

she threw herself into her studies after that - and got a cat, jia, to accompany her

she worked for a while at an assisted living home, and taking calls for a youth mental health hotline while she was in school

she graduated with a masters in clinical social work, and eventually became a licensed therapist wooo 🥳

when she switched to therapy full time she missed working with young people

so she got the certification she needed, and became a counselor for high schoolers in the public school system

she works monday-wednesday at school, and thursday-saturday as a general therapist now

she is a bit of a workaholic. she loves helping others process their emotions but isn't nearly as good at processing her own. she just feels like it isn't that important

PLOT IDEAS

exes, maybe? miyoung has historically only been with men, and they'd have to be around her age (33 currently). i imagine work got in the way if it was recent, or she had too much Other Shit to deal with to fully invest herself in a relationship. there's a lot to work with!

patients. people who need therapy! here she is!

especially interested in getting people from the labs tbh. in my head miyoung has noticed a pattern of memory loss inconsistent with typical trauma-related memory loss and she's honestly very scared of it and i think that would be fun to explore!

if your muse has anyone in their family who goes to hs as well maybe their baby sibling has her as a counselor and gasses her up to them all the time

if u have someone on the younger side, miyoung was answering the youth hotline ~4 years ago and earlier, so if we have any former mentally ill teens! maybe they could've hit her up and meet her in person somewhere and they recognize her voice or smth

i think she goes on walks with jia (her cat). she has one of those cat backpacks for her. so we can definitely plot around that!

she is a coffee shop girlie, so that's always an option too

plots related to her powers outside of work somehow

i'm ngl i'm getting sleepy so let us brainstorm here too 🙏 thank uuu

[spacenintendogs]

3 10 16or 17 for the httyd asks!!

3. Did you play School of Dragon? If so, what dragon(s) did you have?

i tried back in 2018 but my laptop couldn't handle it. i never got past the tutorial with toothless and immediately uninstalled it and then was still devastated when they shut it down :')

10. What are your favourite songs from the soundtracks?

the big 3: forbidden friendship, test drive, and romantic flight.

see you tomorrow is a BANGER

all of the jonsi songs!!

once there were dragons is also so good... listened to that on repeat after i saw the hidden world in 2019

16. What is your favourite plot arc?

edit: i realized this said plot arc and astrid's character arc doesn't rlly count but for plot arc: hiccup & snotlout's arc of learning to respect each other more in riders/defenders of berk. basically the screaming death arc!!

astrid's in the first movie... it's near perfect and her role in the story is so vital bc her mind being changed makes stoick's mind being changed so much more believable. astrid's arc is such an interesting throughline to see the movie through. astrid being the most viking like of the teens and taking everything so seriously only to decide to give hiccup a chance (yes she was hanging off a tree rlly high off the ground and then only apologized bc toothless was whipping her around as payback for her attitude lol) but once toothless calms down that's when astrid rlly sits back and gives toothless & hiccup a chance & you just. see her relaxed for the first time in the movie and smiling so wide and it's SOOOOOOO. i love her so much.

17. Do you read or write HTTYD fanfic? If so, give some recommendations!

i do both!!

for reading, i haven't done a lot & i am kinda particular abt what i read (i heed tags & stuff seriously!! they're there for a reason!!) but!! from recent memory & my bookmarks

promises, promises is by @artinandwritin and it's abt her httyd ocs and @beebooca's oc set post the hidden world (except the dragons are still there!!) and it's such a fun exploration of the effect things can have on oc characters based on what happens to the canon characters they're connected to!! it's very good (and i am honored to have helped beta read :'))

translations by @bignostalgias is a hijack fic where jack frost ends up on berk after following silver dream sand (and ends up becoming "alive" again) and there's the whole thing where he's confused abt how berk exists and seems to be behind modern day and dragons exist. everything is so thought out and carefully put together and i just can not wait for more!!

frowny kisses by @tysonrunningfox bc my snotstrid loving ass adores those losers so much and op has got them DOWN!! the original snotstrid person fr fr i am begging y'all to pls check out their stuff!!!!!!!!!

also fics by @eemoo1o-tfrmoo & @kolasharkattack are also rlly rlly good!!!!!!

and yea i write fics lol but i go through spurts of YEAH UPDATE LET'S GO WOO and then quickly losing steam & updates come rarely even tho they take up so much space in my brain bc writing hard :')

the summer snotlout jorgenson got laid is tied to my modern au & it's abt the brief period astrid & snotlout decided to try dating & obv they break up but hey. unrestrained summer fun :)

burn is a series following astrid & snotlout's friendship. there's only 2 fics rn but windburn is complete and heartburn is a work in progress. i have a few fics for series stewing around in my brain as well but!! yea!!

then there's the calm dragon nip provides which is basically my fishlout smokes weed fic and it's not even a year old yet & tbh i'm not happy with it at all but i don't regret it enough to delete it. u can read it if u wish but i'm not proud of it. c'est la vie.

and those are my most recent fics!! and then my docs are just. full of incomplete bullshit lol <3 ty!!

[jinhogae]

omg al darling pls give me your queen of tears thoughts i’m really behind and need to know if it’s worth finishing <3

tbh i am also behind but i keep up with spoilers and episode recaps for everything i am watching bc i don't really care about getting spoiled. with that being said, where do i even begin? i would have loved if the show ended on a melodrama note in the second half, with the hong family having lost queens group but recouping that through baekhong's work as a lawyer and ceo respectively and with them rekindling their relationship (without marriage or another kid) while hae-in would, well, die due to some bout of medical realism that has to remain here, but with the two of them choosing each other in their lifetime, roll credits, fin. i am putting a read more from here on in bc this is sort of my thoughts on the show in general but also the second half, since describing the second half doesn't really work without talking about the set-up of the plot. plots? whatever is happening here. (also! spoilers ahead!)

of course we did not get a well-polished plot, something as sensible as this couldn't fly with the deranged fans this drama spawned like you wouldn't believe. so in a way this fanbase deserved exactly what they got lmao. this show has been crazy from the beginning bc as much as i love hae-in, people kept acting like she didn't treat hyun-woo like shit for most of their marriage when she did. he was only marginally better off, but my one big issue was that hyun-woo has to apolgize for everything he ever did, for wanting to divorce in the first place, while the show depicted right away how awful his marriage was. so now in the second half we, of course, get hyun-woo doing everything for hae-in to make up for all his audacity, like the good kdrama male lead he is (where is moon gang-tae when we need him? kim soo-hyun can act with some fire in there, so why does he not?) hae-in keeps getting worse and he is by her side, so whoo for tha ti guess and she does apologize for how she treated him after 10 eps of grovelling lmao. anyways.

they grow closer again while hae-in stays in the hospital for her treatment, but in comes mister i-still-want-to-be-cooked-over-an-open-fire-like-a-rotissiere-chicken eun-sung. i do have to say i love park sung-hoon in this drama? not as good as the psychotic bully-slash-killer-slash-second-woman he plays in the glory, but really good. it's giving kendall roy in sucession s2! it's giving this is why rich people tax middle class families until tax evasion or murder become lifestyle choices for those families! it's giving the rite of passage creepy high school boyfriend straight women go through amped up to the max! he is so good at being evil and he shines here, somehow, in all his creepy despondency and obsession with hae-in. at one point he swipes in and tells hae-in, who is losing her memory, that he saved her life and then he does it again, using the times hyun-woo's saved her as his cover story. he keeps rocking brown three-piece suits and a crazy-good blowout and side swoop while he does that, which might be the worst thing. hyun-woo punches him in the face, which is the saving grace of this entire second half of the show. he runs over hyun-woo with a car in the PENULTIMATE episode for the hell of it, because he can't see hyun-woo and hae-in be together again. the man is batshit insane and he stands by it.

as for the plot:

the head of the hong family (hae-in's grandfather) has a slush fund, because that is the second most realistic part of the show. eun-sung and his mother scrounge around to find it to take the rest of queens group, but well, i honestly don't care much about this plot. yang-gi (hyun-woo's best friend and divorce lawyer, who is apparently barred twice over in korea and can also hold up with business law and attorney work in court lol) helps lower hyun-woo's crazy ass charges, so he lives to see another day while everyone is looking for the goddamn slush fund. eun-sung and his mother found it first btw. hae-in keeps mistaking eun-sung for hyun-woo, her memory loss gets worse, we get it. several people working for eun-sung keep trying to kill hyun-woo over the span of the last five episodes. we get another reborn rich cameo from kim shin-rok, which at this point is the only thing keeping me from tuning out of this whacky ass drama. the hong family grandfather kills himself and all of kdrama twt and mdl are mad that the raised rating wasn't an explicit scene between baekhong but seeing an old man die (i kid you not). they keep trying to convince me kim soo-hyun was in the marine corps and i keep not believing it. german hospitals apparently can do life-saving surgeries on non-german citizens, which is unheard off in this neck of the woods but alas. hae-in has to trade in her memories to have that surgery, so that is our 11 o clock moment. or something. hyun-woo gets arrested by interpol right after, so there goes that dream. soo-cheol ends up with his wife again, which i care about as much as a tree cares about a leaf falling in a forest. big yawn. hyun-woo employs yang-gi again to beat the interpol charges and they do (yippie!). eun-sung keep acting like he's hae-in's husband after her memories disappeared and all of us know it's so deeply joever but the death bell has yet to strike. in comes the car crash bc we go two for two on car crashes in this show. eun-sung is now, after 15 episodes of washed up nonsense, pursued by the police bc nothing screams real crime like vehicular manslaughter in a kdrama. tried and true to the very end he goes!

haven't checked into ep 16 yet, but i know it ends with a montage of hae-in and hyun-woo together for more years, marrying again and having a child, and then hae-in dies. hyun-woo as an old man visits her grave in germany (potsdam doesn't allow graves on the grounds of sansoucie so i wonder where they supposedly put it?) and then we get a fade in of young hae-in leading now-deceased and young again hyun-woo to heaven in a field of lavender, goblin style minus the good writing. hyun-woo kept apologising for things until the end but don't ask me what it was about, i stopped caring. i assume that eun-sung lands in jail or something for his five billion crimes and all the times he wore light blue ties in this show. fin.

[oc-siblings-bracket]

OC-Siblings-Bracket 1.8

info down there because these posts are long ↓

Justice & Liberty "Libby" Lawson by @attorneybout

Info:

okay so these!! aren't as fleshed out as riley and kiara they're kind of just silly little guys mostly.

libby, 17, is one of kiara's friends, alongside trinity and kat (collectively known as the cool bitch club). libby is very like… calm and chill most of the time she's just vibing mostly. the kind of guy you'd see in a group chat. absolutely hates that she was named liberty eagle lawson that's right her middle name is eagle she's living a nightmare. she was literally born on the 4th of july the universe just said "hey fuck you. get america'd" and she hasn't lived it down yet. anyways the group of friends i roleplay with that i use her in jokes that she would kin sans and tbh…. probably right. she's usually pretty calm but if anyone hurt her brother she'd kick their ass

justice, 10, is just a silly little guy!! just a little silly! he's one of riley's best friends and he looks up to her even though she's only 2 years older than him. he's really silly goofy, very optimistic, tries to see the best in everyone, and overall he just wants to help people whenever he can!! he's like a blorbo to me.

they're actually half siblings! they share a dad. their dad used to be… not distant, and not away on purpose, but during his first marriage, when he had libby, he would bite off more than he can chew and end up promising things that he couldn't deliver, fully thinking he would be able to. it's what led to his divorce. since then, though, he's worked on bettering himself and is a much better father to justice than he was to libby when she was younger. she's not entirely unaffected by this but she can at least appreciate that he's improving.

they also! have a cousin, who's a lawyer. a defense attorney. and justice especially really looks up to him because he also wants to be able to stand up for people and defend people in need like that and justice i think really just wants, at his core, to help people who need help, like one of his main interests is superheroes because that's their whole thing really.

anyways fun facts!!

justice has a really cool racecar bed

libby helped justice try to paint his racecar bed and it didn't go very well but they both have fond memories of it

libby and kiara honestly probably met through justice and riley

libby is really into activism. in a sense both siblings have a strong sense of justice and aim to help those who need it

i mentioned earlier that they had a lawyer cousin but i didn't mention said cousin is phoenix wright of ace attorney fame

libby actually convinced her high school to unionize. her logic is that teachers are evaluated on the grades their classes get- so if a teacher is being unfair or necessarily harsh, the students can go on strike by refusing to do any assignments, forcing the teacher to fail ALL of their students and then get poor evaluations and probably fired. it's been surprisingly effective and she's very proud of the student union

libby is the kind of person who says "stealing from walmart is always morally correct"

justice hasn't been exposed to the nuances of stealing so he doesn't agree but i think once he's been exposed to how companies kind of fuck people over he probably will stop seeing an issue with, like, shoplifting a bottle of water from walmart

libby is a lesbian

justice hasn't had time to fully realize his gender yet but when he gets older he'll realize he's genderfluid i think :3

libby image made using https://picrew.me/image_maker/362653 justice image made by my good friend mar (theowlcastle on tumblr)

Dust & May by @ecleticelectriceccentric

Info:

Dust is the Vessel of the Holy for the Path of Righteousness, a cult/religion. This necessitates that he be excised of all sin and made ready for possession by the Holy- via torture. Also he’s trans and has taken to reciting the Bible-equivalent as a coping mechanism.

May-Salvation-Come-to-this-Wretched-Thing (goes by May, named by the Righteous) is a were-Tasmanian Devil, taken in by the same church. She, too, must be exorcised.

She’s about four years older than him, and they were thrown in the same basement. She became his primary caretaker, and they basically adopted each other. She fervently hates the Righteous, but is determined to protect him at all costs.

When May was about fourteen, the ‘exorcisms’ went too far, the Tasmanian Devil took over, and May died. She then possessed Dust as a ghost and promptly broke them out.

Dust doesn’t remember how he got out, or how May died, and May doesn’t want to tell him. May thinks he should hate her, she hates herself for everything, but can’t bear to lose him.

If they advance I’ll give more Lore :>

[fizzingwizard]

Funny little thought.

From the time I was six till I was about fifteen, my family was entrenched in evangelicalism. From age 10, I started going to the school at my church, which meant I was inundated with religion six out of seven days a week. Only Saturday was free of it. And some days I would get religious lessons at school, go home, then go back to church, which was the school, for evening youth group and stuff. Looking back it just feels like a lot, but.

Somehow I still wiggled out of that mindset and I think a lot of my peers did too, tbh. After all, church is where I learned what different sex acts were and about homosexuality. Not from people saying how evil they were - of course there were plenty of adults doing that, but the kids were all totally unconcerned and eager to shock other kids with what they knew hahaha.

Anyway, there's lots I could talk about, but what I was thinking about today was pretty innocent effect of being required to think of religion and only religion as a valuable pursuit for such a big chunk of childhood. It was about music. I was allowed to read and watch anything that was age appropriate, regardless of whether it was "Christian" enough. My parents would have objected if there had been sex or homosexuality (or rather if they'd known there was those things >_>;), but for the most part it wasn't hard to keep those things private.

Music was different because I played it in my room. On a stereo. Without headphones x'D I did have an mp3 player which I took with my on walks, but the things I liked to dance in my room. Not conducive to wearing headphones. So I would blast music pretty much constantly when I was home. And my options for acceptable music were pretty much: secular music my parents had grown up with and couldn't see anything unacceptable in it, or Christian Contemporary Music (CCM).

Well, I didn't hate my parents' favorite bands, but they weren't very now. So my favorite musicians were artists no one but my best friend had ever heard of. He and I would belt their songs whenever we felt like it, so just imagine two nerdy kids biking up and down the road screeching "JESUS IS THE WAY THE TRUTH THE LIGHT" off-key because we keep going in and out of each other's ear shot xP

These were some of my favorite artists:

Point of Grace

Third Day

Avalon

Rachael Lampa

Casting Crowns

MercyMe

Skillet

Steven Curtis Chapman

ZoeGirl

Rebecca St James

Mark Schultz

V*enna

And so many more that I've forgotten. And I loved them whole-heartedly. I just went through the wikis for some early 2000s WOW Music CDs and literally my heart clenched with nostalgia seeing some of the song titles and artist names that I haven't thought about in so long. It brought back an era of my life that I feel so out of touch with now. It's not that I miss it exactly, but I suppose I miss that naivete and security I had at that age, which was mostly due to being a kid with a pretty decent childhood. It's similar nostalgia that I feel when I think back on high school, or non-school memories before that.

Music gets so wrapped up with memory that no matter what, I can't dislike these CCM artists. Nor can I forget about them. I still listen to a few favorites, especially songs by Point of Grace, which seems like such a weird group to become the favorite of a 10 year old, but me and my best friend were obsessed, like obsessed with them at that age. Bought ever album and knew all the words.

When I listen to those CCM songs now, as an adult, a lot of them don't hold up. We used to get told that "Christian content usually falls short when it's literature or movies, but music is equal to secular stuff." I don't think that's 100% wrong, but it's certainly not as clear a success story as we were told it was. My main beef is with the female artists, many of whom just leaned in so much on purity and abstinence, even while some of them pandered a lot to secular audiences. But it's not just the themes but the lyrics and music itself. V*enna, which as far as I know had only one CD, is just some of the worst music. I liked their album as a kid, but when I listened to it a while back I was just cringing. Really amateurish, so no wonder it didn't go far.

But there's a lot of fun to be had with CCM too, like Audio Adrenaline's rock cover of Little Drummer Boy which still splits my ear drums while making me ask "Why?" And there's the nonsensical conundrum of groups like Skillet or Creed, which some fans who only knew their secular stuff are stunned to learn they were included in Christian music stores. Or Jump5, a tween bobby group which sang about God, made money by putting tracks in Disney movies, and overall existed to make money.

Speaking of money. When I was fourteen, our youth group decided to start a band and I was a vocalist. The band only had one performance. You know why? The pastor at my church LEAPT on the idea because he thought we would get famous and... make lots of money for the church...?? Honestly, we were VERY amateurish, the lead singer I think was decent but very much did not want to be in the band long term, the musicians were so-so, and I was definitely so-so. But the pastor got involved and pressed us to be amazing and to have an amazing band name which I can't remember anymore and well we just flopped. None of us were into the idea but him. If he hadn't gotten dollar signs in his eyes we might've had a bit of fun, which was the only intention. But this was a pastor who was bent on his plan to make the church a mega-church and becime famous for his Idk pastor skills or whatever.

Back to music. So I do still love those artists from my childhood, regardless of how good they are objectively. But I got to wondering, what kind of music would I have been a fan of at that age (early teens) if I hadn't felt like secular stuff was off limits? I did somehow become a fan of Avril Lavigne and I am not even sure how that happened. One year my dad bought me Hilary Duff's first CD, which told me that he had no idea what my music tastes were or that we didn't even pay for the channel her shows were on so I didn't know who she was :P (But I appreciated the effort at bonding lol) That's much cleaner than Avril, at least.

Aside from Avril, I think I probably would have been a My Chemical Romance girl. Honestly, I probably would've been annoying into them if I found them at the right age. But I never heard "Helena" until this year. Fall Out Boy maybe, Green Day? Snow Patrol, Pink, Bjork, Nightwish are some groups I became fans of later, once I was out of the church. Best friend introduced me to Vienna Teng and Tori Amos. I like rock and metal now, but as a teen I didn't much, and I'm trying to think what was popular when I was in high school. I would go to the movies and not recognize any of the songs in them haha.

I just had the funny thought that I could have been so different as a teenager if I'd listened to different music... I bet I'd have been more emo or something lol. Idk, the groups that pop into my mind seem emo.

super nostalgia now whoa

/conversation with teenage fizz haha

[tickle-bugs]

Can we get directors commentary on not a house but a home and strange exhilaration please? They stories are so cute and so well written I’d love to hear your thoughts on them

Yes omg!! Sorry this took a bit to answer, I got sidetracked. Thank you for asking!!! Putting these under a cut so i can go ham LOL

Ask for more director's commentary here!

Not a House, But a Home

AHHHH ok ok this was SO fun to write because it's pre-musical Maitlands!! As someone with a deep love for technical theatre, it was fun trying to imagine what the house would be like before the events of the musical. Scenic design is a fun hobby of mine and I love what a set will say about the characters that interact with it!!

Okay so usually when I'm first encountering a prompt/idea, I get clear image of like...the center of the fic? or at least one very specific scene that I can sort of stretch like taffy and build on. The one for this fic was Barbara with the wallpaper! The very first decision I made was that they'd be fixing up the house a bit. It felt in character to me for the Maitlands to literally fix every goddamn thing they could think of instead of like...confronting their mortality LMAO so I wanted to go to a period of their life that felt new and fresh! Also I really love the pastel green wallpaper that they use on the set for the show and I thought it would be sweet if Barbara was the one to put that up. Something something she wears green the house is green something something good luck charm

Then of course the JOKES!! I'm a dad joke connoisseur myself, so it was really fun getting to pick ones for Adam to use. All the jokes in the fic are ones I've used myself, but I looked them up online for specific phrasing. It was really fun getting to play with Adam's delivery actually! To me, Adam has absolutely zero doubt that he's hilarious and will just keep on truckin' until he makes someone laugh. He's so fun to write! He's mischievous and loving and so very white, bless his heart.

I think the core of their relationship is 100% that Barbara and Adam are each other's best friends, y'know? They feel like high school or college sweethearts, or the result of a meet-cute--something sweet and forever-binding. They can't leave Target without buying a million useless things and they take turns either pretending the baby section isn't there or going in and cooing over the little onesies. They slow dance in the kitchen with no music. They have loud, dramatic sing-alongs in the minivan. I think part of that comes from being married/together, but a lot of it is just loving each other's quirks and company.

Also I wrote this in the tags of the og post but I kept making myself laugh writing it by imagining Beetlejuice like...in their walls commenting on the events and such. He's such a wretched little creature I love him dearly. During Ready Set, Not Yet when you see it live, he's bopping around and scatting with 3-D glasses and popcorn literally waiting for them to die it's so fucking funny

Strange Exhilaration

baby's first wicked fic! Wicked will always have a special place in my heart tbh and it was fun bringing back those memories.

This fic was a gift that I whipped up in a couple days, so I didn't sit with it as long as I do some of my other prompts. It was actually nice to do that. It forced me not to overthink what I was doing.

Writing Glinda was a challenge but a welcome one? She speaks in such a specific way but because the show's been running so long, it's basically a new role each time a new actress steps in. I've only ever seen it live once and that was four or five years ago? So it wasn't super fresh in my mind. It was fun trying to reconcile what I remember with what I needed from Glinda. Her vocabulary is everything to me. I stole 'seriosity' (which is a real word but hasn't been used in ages) from Newsies because I had literally just seen it, but the rest were sorta off the cuff!!

okay so first: girlies. jot that down. I love Glinda and Elphaba's friendship and all the tropes that they encompass both together and apart. Whether or not you actually ship it, I do think it's important to write them as if they're a little in love with each other...because they are! I approach the center of their dynamic like this (and I write a lot of deep friendships this way) and it really makes their intimate moments shine ;w;

Elphaba having ticklish hands and Glinda being a teasy sunshine ler were both happy accidents but so fun to write. RIP Elphaba, me too buddy. Hands are mean. But I think it speaks back to their friendship in a sweet way? Elphaba being startled and embarassed by her own softness and Glinda being genuinely 100% delighted by it is so wholesome and true to them, I think. Then of course the reverse of Elphaba allowing herself to be playful and mischievous and Glinda clearly having the time of her life. Ahhhh I love them!!!!

I was fighting for my LIFE not to use 'wicked' or 'bubbly' as adjectives in case it was corny...I think I only did it once or twice each though. I'm so brave.

[ambitioncunningpridemieczyslaw]

25 fun and cute questions to brighten the spirits and get us through the holidays!

I was tagged by @halevetica who is literally such an angel and one of the best fanfic writers of all time!!!!!!!

Check them out on Ao3 cuz again they are one of the best and has never written a bad fic 💕

Hiya all! I’ve created this list as a reminder of happy memories and great times with our loved ones since I think we’re all feeling a tad blue this holiday season. Tagging my favourite blogs but all are welcome to answer :)

Best gift you’ve ever gotten: I would have to say the best gift I ever got came from my old high school ap lit teacher/theater director I was in the plays every year from 7th-12th grade and she got me a necklace with the drama faces on it along with a jewelry box that played at the beginning from Anastasia, which was the first song I ever sang with her on stage, when I graduated so yeah she gets the win everytime cuz she had me bawling like a baby at the final cast party we did

Nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you: I have 4 different friends who on 4 different occasions just bought me gifts not because of anything special or because they felt sorry over us fighting or something just they saw something and genuinely thought I would like it. I honestly just love receiving gifts that someone gets you out of the blue just because they simply think of you after seeing something and get it for you like it definitely means a lot to me that I'm the first person they thought of when getting those things

Your favourite holiday memory: Um... I honestly don't know if I have one, but something that I look back and think fondly of is when the one year my mom and I caroled with our church choir like I remember all the baking we did the day before in the church kitchen and it was a lot of us singing to Christmas songs that probably shouldn't be played in church lol and the caroling itself went well we gave out plates of cookies and caroled for any person who was on our prayer list at the time and seeing some of those people's faces like them seeing that people did care and that they weren't alone meant everything to me

Where you want to go first once we can travel again: New Zealand it's always looked so beautiful plus I mean that's where Lucy Lawless is from so it has to be amazing

Your spirit animal: I'm going to say a wolf just because I've always had this obsession with them since I was a kid

Your OTP: See I wanna say Sterek just because they're my favorite ship but I also like them in different pairings... I'm going to do a throwback shout out to Tyrus from Andi Mack cuz I can't handle seeing Tj and Cyrus with anyone but each other.

Tumblr pals you want to meet in real life: Literally anyone and everyone so I have more people to cuddle and binge shows with lol

Soulmates: real or fake: Imma say real like I do believe they're are souls who are cosmically linked together whether it be romantically or platonically I do think we all have that one person who we want to spend forever with

Favourite holiday food: those sugar cookies with the Reese Cups or Hershey Kisses in the center those are the shit tbh

What you wish you were doing right now: it's only 9:30 am so it's my chill in bed and contemplate life time lol but ig if there was something I wish I was doing rn it would be finishing the Sterek fic I'm reading rn

Your safe space/where or who you feel most at home with: My safe space would be while I was in school it was either the library or auditorium but now that I have an apartment that I share with my sister like I finally feel like I have a home to go to and genuinely want to be at so yeah my place is definitely my space but as for people I would say my sister and our two best friends

Favourite hobbies: Reading brings me joy lol which here are pictures I finally finished putting together my other book shelf the other day so if ya'll want to see here are some pictures. Definitely want more books though lol

Cooking or baking: Oh cooking for sure cuz I can't bake for shit 😅

Reading or writing: Reading

Gifsets or mood boards:

Coffee or tea: Coffee!!!!

City or suburbs: To visit city to stay suburbs

Someone who can always make you laugh: I would say my sister and our two friends we're always making each other laugh

Someone who always brightens your day: @crazyassmurdererwall just because anytime I'm having a bad day the fic I go to for comfort is Stuck In Reverse because it is literal perfection

Favourite day of the week: Whatever my day or days off are that week like how today is a glorious Tuesday cuz it's my only day off this week

Favourite animal: Wolves

Dream vacation spot: I mean I've been to the beach nearly every summer since I was a kid so I feel like renting out a nice cabin in the mountains somewhere would be dope af

Writer, artist, or creator(s) you want to see more of: @crazyassmurdererwall & @isthatbloodonhisshirt & @halevetica always 💕

Favourite movie, television show, and song: A Star Is Born (2018), Sex and the City, & You Don't Own Me by Lesley Gore

I tag @justkimberley @acercrea @charming-fan-girl @cinematicnomad only if ya'll want to of course & if I mentioned you and you see this and want to do this go for it!!!! Please tag me if you do and that goes for anyone who sees this I give you full permission to tag me so I can see all of your responses. Love you all!!! 💕💕💕

[kitkatt0430]

🧍‍♀️😨 👁

🧍‍♀️what fic is begging for your attention right now but you refuse to give it?

Timeless Nonesense. And I might just wind up giving in a bit so that I can get the part of it nagging me out of the way.

It's the story where Barry wakes up in the pilot episode, but with memories from multiple timelines and realities due to how the Speed Force sent him back in time to prevent a future disaster in the Speed Force's personal timeline. It's intended to be a crack fic, at times parodying the show and at times taking the premise seriously.

I've got three story arcs lined up in my head thus far. The first is where Barry wakes up and is very much not the Barry that Eobard was expecting. Despite himself, Eobard comes to trust that this version of Barry really is telling the truth and genuinely wants to be allies with him.

The second arc is set in the future where Eobard is from where Barry proves Eobard is actually Malcolm Thawne's descendant, not Eddie Thawne (reusing an explanation I've used/am using in other places) and convinces him to destroy the Negative Speed Force before it can become a threat to the real Speed Force. It's not what Barry came back in time to do, but not having to worry about the NSF is one less problem to deal with later.

Third arc is when the Eobarry finally starts. They return to the past to start setting up the reputation of the Flash in order to start attracting more Speedsters notice as part of the long game to protect the Speed Force. They take advantage of events Barry knows are coming to plausibly 'pass' on Barry's abilities to Eobard to make it look like Harrison Wells is now a Speedster too.

It's the first arc that's nagging at me. And I do see this as being a really fun series to work on. But of my Eobarry fic ideas, the one with Herobard is the one I like better. So I'm determined to get part 3 done before I start posting this series. (We'll see how that goes, though.)

😨 describe in FULL detail the first fic you wrote (yes I'm talking the wattpad shit we all did it).

Well, if we're talking the first ever fanfic I wrote, not the first I posted, then... I was... ten? maybe? And my parents had just okayed putting the old Windows 3.1 computer in my room as long as I was responsible and didn't stay up late playing The Black Cauldron or the Kings Quest games.

I started writing Star Trek Voyager fanfic pretty much immediately. I don't remember the plot details, but I know it was about Seven of Nine and Captain Janeway because they were my favorites and Seven in particular was just so cool.

TBH, I basically wanted to be Naomi Wildman. (Captain's Assistant and friends with Seven of Nine? Sign me up, please.)

It was not a self-insert or use an OC for the main character - though I did toy around with those later on. I do remember that much. It was something of a bad things happen and the crew reacts to save the day type plot.

Much as I wish I still had the story I was working on back then just for nostalgia reasons, the computer crashed after only a few months and my parents decided it wasn't worth the price to repair. My fanfic was lost and I started using the hall computer for games instead. I was a bit devastated by the loss of my fanfic, so I didn't start over in a notebook and instead tried my hand at an original mystery that was very Nancy Drew and A Wrinkle in Time inspired, though I don't think that made it past the first chapter. It was a few years later when i was... fourteen? that I was introduced to fanfiction.net, however, and my fanfic obsession truly began.

👁 have you ever accidentally foreshadowed something you fully didn't intend to happen?

I'm pretty sure I did that in an old Harry Potter fic I wrote back in high school. It was a Draco/Harry fic that I took down when I got concerned by the idea of my parents looking up my ffnet account and finding it... and it's since been lost entirely. It was a pretty innocent fic, but between some of the nastier comments that had started heading my way (ffnet was going through a wave of people leaving flames, or very rude reviews) and not really knowing how my mom in particular would react to me writing two boys kissing and holding hands... *shrugs* it was easier to just take down the fic entirely.

It was among the first fics I'd ever posted and my first attempt at a long fic. So it's not really surprising that sometimes I'd write things intending to indicate the fic was going in one direction without realizing that it was actually meandering into the weeds in a different direction. The whole thing was a fun learning experience and ffnet had a very critique friendly atmosphere at the time, so getting feedback was helpful in fixing some of the more egregious errors and foreshadowing failures. I do wish I could have finished it, but... I don't regret losing it the way I do the Voyager fic because stopping work on it was my choice. And I think it helps that while Star Trek continues to grow in new directions and promote inclusive narratives, JKR has since gone off the terf deep end. So losing a fanfic based off her writing is more relief than bother at this point.

[princepipper]

Also you talked about Abby and Gabe's relationship, but what about Pipper? Do they get along too, or is she more of a tomboy who doesn't want to hang out with the girls? 😂

I love that you are so invested in my fictional child haha. 💕

Anyway yes, Pip and Abby get along just as well as Abby and Gabe! But obviously there are some differences, mother-daughter relationships are often a little deeper in most cases. I'm going to unravel some thoughts about the dynamics in the relationship between the three, including a tad more about Gabriel for context.

I guess to Abby, Gabe is the parent she sees as the family protector. She knows that he will be there to keep her and Pip safe, and that no matter what she can go to him if she needs help with something. She sees Gabe as very smart, which tbh is true in my verse, he graduated both high school and university with honours and always was a straight-A student. Pip is smart in her own right, but much more average, leaning into the arts and sciences over things like mathematics and technology like Gabe. Regardless, Abby thinks of Gabe as highly knowledgeable and likes to watch him work, admiring his ability to focus and quickly complete tasks. She also sees him as strong, but she admits that he's not nearly as tough as her uncle One (and she learns early on that Gabe does NOT like being compared to his brother lmao).

Mainly, Gabe fills the role of dad in her life about as well as he should, providing her with security, but also a fun companion- she likes to play video games with him and show him all the random things she collects on her adventures in the garden (her favourite being cool rocks, or maybe even pointing out the unique shapes of the clouds above). Gabriel takes a little time to adjust to being an engaging dad, but he settles for the quieter activities with her, helping with homework, even reading aloud before bed. And believe it or not, Gabriel is the parent Abby comes to with anything she deems secretive, feeling more comfortable telling him about her problems than anybody else (unless it's something she'd hiding from both parents, in which case she tells Swag haha).

Now, Abby's relationship with Pipper is not quite the same, but still totally healthy. To Abby, Pip is the source of comfort in her home, the one who always cooks tasty meals, who greets her with a bright smile no matter what. Pipper would be the parent who can better keep up with Abby's hyperactive tendencies, not above getting down and dirty in the mud to help her daughter search for bugs. Pip's unique personality and habit of excessive speech never bothers Abby, and it benefits her because she grows up to be very non-judgemental of those around her, like the kids at school who don't seem to fit in. She also is taught acceptance when it comes to appearances, never seeing things like fat or natural complexion as ugly, because Pip is overweight and doesn't wear make up, but is still very pretty to Abigail. I think in the long run, Pipper is the one responsible for teaching Abby to handle her emotions, following the path that Pip took from her own mother, and loving her family and friends unconditionally. The only difference there is that Abby doesn't battle with her self-worth like Pip did- with both her parents present and always-nurturing, she never feels like she isn't enough, or that she can't love herself like everyone else!

So yeah, Pip provides the emotional support for Abby, and also teaches her some pretty important life lessons! I also feel like Pip would be the one to handle anything that comes with puberty, when Abby gets older haha. As decent a dad as Gabe is he wouldn't do very well with stuff like that. Abby once walked in on him in the shower (she was quite young) and just the memory is extremely awkward for poor Gabe, let alone the body-related questions that followed...

Anyway, to finish answering your question, Abby is more of a tomboy but that doesn't affect her bond with Pip at all! She might not like frilly dresses or whatever, but she isn't totally against being feminine like Pipper either. Other than her mom, the only female role models she has are Janice and Dani, Janice being the one who typically engages her with some more girly activities, hehe. ...I think that Bitter would maybe be down for that stuff too. Like, clothes and make up. Swag could be cool with keeping her stylish, but Janice is the real expert and honestly, with Abby being such a busybody it's not really a great idea to put her in any expensive outfits.

[purplesurveys]

1778

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? That's the way my days flow on weekends, for the most part. The only reason I've been more out and about lately is because my dad's home and we do tend to go out as a family more when that's the case.

But, yes. Embracing getting older also means increasingly enjoying my time at home and having no agenda.

Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? I do it all the time – it's revenge bedtime procrastination and I stick with it whether weeknight or weekend.

What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? I've never seen any bit of that show before.

Have you ever experienced something paranormal? Nah.

What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? That was the time I attempted to join Leni Robredo's thanksgiving rally last year. I just needed to drive the same distance from my house to university, but my time in the car ended up being 5 hours because apparently the whole of Metro Manila was headed the same way. Suffice it to say I missed the entire event and just made the most out of my efforts to drive out by going out for drinks with friends instead.

Best field trip experience? All my favorite field trips were the ones that were museum-heavy. In Grade 5 we went to Intramuros and 2-3 other museums in the area; in freshman year of high school we went to two museums in Makati.

Have you ever been to New York City? I have not.

If so, is it all its cracked up to be? I know it's not the urban fairytale the movies make it out to be but I'd still love to have the chance to visit.

What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? I don't know about individual meals, but my biggest bill was when I took my family to Blackbird and everything came up to a bit over 10k.

What museums have you visited, if any? Well, a lot. I like museums and I even try to visit at least one when I have vacations overseas.

Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? Yes that was quite common especially in college.

What’s your worst traveling experience? It was a plane trip headed to Kuala Lumpur and there was a horrible fucking toddler who cried (read: shrieked) the whole 4 hours. It got increasingly loud and reached an untolerable climax during the latter part when the family needed to strap it in its own seat. I think I may have shed a tear or two myself towards the end...

Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? Idk I was never a big gamer even of the Sims so I don't really have a favorite.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? We've only had noisy neighbors once but tbh we just let them be because as Filipinos we're largely nonconfrontational. Plus those neighbors moved out after only a few months so things turned out fine.

Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? Oh there were a lot! Students these days are very fortunate that the world has softened for them, because in my time it was very common for teachers to wind up being the bullies, and for complaints about them to land in deaf ears. In Grade 4 I had a science teacher who took every opportunity to embarass me publicly; in Year I my history teacher always looked like she wanted to pinch the shit out of me lol; and in Years III and IV I had an English teacher who made me feel like she was always wishing I wasn't her student.

I'm grateful for the memories I made with my friends in that school, but were the elders and system absolutely awful. Transferring into a liberal and progressive university was the easiest non-adjustment I had to go through.

Best muffin you’ve ever had? Not a big fan of muffins. I've had a few chocolate ones but nothing has stood out to be the best.

Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Nope.

If so, was it required? That is not a thing here.

How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? I don't know...maybe an accumulated 1 hour a day? I go through FB multiple times daily but it's always in very very quick checkins.

What area of math are you best at? Worst? I'm okay with algebra and statistics, but I've never understood the point of geometry and that directly translates to how I struggled with the subject in high school haha.

How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It's fun when I find a K-pop fan because we can automatically relate on so many things. We don't even have to both like BTS; the K-pop fan culture is enough to start hours' worth of conversation and jokes. Other than that it's impossible to find local Beyoncé, Paramore, or punk rock fans so I kind of just wander those worlds on my own lol.

How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? I'm not sure about frequency but that's something I'll sometimes do when I can't bring myself to give a crap about work tasks. I'm done showing passion in every single thing because I'm super burned out at this point.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really.

Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? Not necessarily, but some of them made me just ask a bunch of questions about the way they treated me. Like why did they hate me so much? Why do they seem so miserable so as to target their own students? stuff like that.

How reliable is your internet connection? We've actually been out of internet since Thursday and our service provider has been very useless and helpless and scum of the earth, so I've been using data since then and 100% worsening my phone battery.

Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Yes. Work is not everything and if I can't be in a particular meeting or event, it's not the end of the world and I'm done feeling guilty about the whole thought of being absent lol.

What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? Work.

What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? There was one time I had to pull up an all-nighter for a project, and unsurprisingly it was a group project. Like of course it would be a project that involved other people, because if it was a solo thing there never would have been a need for me to stay up all night. That gig soured me from group projects for the rest of college.

If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? I do have them.

If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? It'd be refreshing but idk, I've had glasses for 14 years now. It's a part of my identity and how people remember me that I'll always choose to have them on, even if I had the opportunity to undergo some magical procedure that'd totally fix my eyesight.

How many vegetarians do you know? Less than 10.

Have you ever considered going to art school? Kind of. I passed an art management program in one of the universities I applied to, but chose to go to my dream school instead.

Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? No.

How quickly can you write an essay? Probably an hour if you gave me enough background info to work with, and time to research.

Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? Never fell asleep while in school.

Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? Sure! I was for Paramore. I guess I was too for Se So Neon but that was sort of a given since it was a much smaller show and it had been very easy to squeeze my way to the front.

What bug frightens you most? Cockroaches, bees, and wasps.

Are your parents supportive of you? My dad is. Idk what to think of my mom's form of support. It seems she shows it when it benefits her or when it's something she can show off in social media. I stopped looking for validation from her a long time ago.

How often do you take the train to go places? I don't.

Do you play with your phone in awkward situations Sure.

Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? No.

[funkified-elegy]

All of the Gothic Heroine questions. Yes, allll of them.

Well here you go

candelabra - Are you afraid of the dark? If not, what do you fear?

Not really, no. I'm afraid of being stuck within my own conciousness/mind as it deteriorates over time and becoming aware of the process as my lucidity waxes and wanes. I'm afraid I won't be able to say goodbye to to myself or the people I love on my own terms. I guess that's a kind of darkness.

skeleton key - Is there a room that you are not allowed inside?

There are tons of rooms all over the world I'm not allowed inside of but there aren't any that I personally have been explicitly barred from entering.

moorlands - Do you prefer the rain over the sunshine?

I like when it rains while the sun is shining the most.

the bleeding nun - During childhood, was there a monster under your bed?

No my monsters were always in my head.

pressed flowers - Have you ever fallen in love?

Yes. I'd always heard that falling in love would hurt but honestly it didn't hurt at all. The pain came from everything damaged by the impact.

whispers - Tell a secret.

When I was a child I developed a pretty hard paranoia that in combination with a tendency to exercise my sticky fingers lead me to become a compulsive liar.

When I was a child I told myself that in order to be loved I needed to hide who I really was. I sometimes wonder if I had set myself up for isolation. I wondered if the other children who mocked and derided me could see past the aloofness I gave off, or if that itself was a sign to them that they had gotten to me.

I would agonize for hours each night rerunning and replaying scenarios in my head: How would I respond if asked something, what circumstances would lead to such an ask, what would I do differently afterwards. I've heard that every time you remember something your brain changes it just a little until all the things you can recall are almost total fabrications. I'm afraid that I can't trust my own memories or my thoughts to tell me what's real.

shadowy ruins - If you had to conceal yourself from someone, where would you hide?

I'd get a new phone, move at minimum a few hundred miles away, change my hair, change my clothes, get new glasses. I'd change how I walk and how I talk, definitely change my name. I don't really know WHERE I'd go I feel like if I had gotten to the point of having to hide from someone they'd know where I'd go. Maybe my aunt's house, already have an outstanding offer if I ever really had to run somewhere.

cobwebs - Have you ever been lost?

I've been lost my whole life.

silver dagger - Have you ever had an injury? Of mind or body?

Yes I have a scar on the back of my hand from a childhood injury that will be with me until I'm gone. I'm not sure what would constitute an injury of the mind: Do mental illnesses count? I guess I'll say they do and say yes it's my question to interpret after all

hidden staircase - Have you ever witnessed something you weren’t supposed to?

Yes, and I have told others about it but I don't want to put it here.

white chiffon - Do you want to get married? Why or why not?

I used to tell myself I didn't want to for a long time largely out of fear of not being accepted and that someone who would want to marry me was not someone I would want to be with as their taste would clearly be flawed, but deep inside I always liked the idea of a lifelong partner. Someone who cares for me and trusts me to do the same with them for all of our lives together.

neglected manuscript - Do you have a favorite novel?

I actually haven't read to many novels tbh, I used to read a decent bit of YA stuff back in high school but since graduating I've only read <50 and a real good chunk of those were burned through when I was in jail. One of those was The Seeker by Stephanie Meyer and I tore through that book multiple times while I was there. Nothing I'd read up to that point had really put into words how I felt about my own existence and how it feels to live in my mind like that did.

distant shores - If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

I want to visit everywhere. I want to see the depths of our oceans, go into the deepest possible caves, I want to see the dark side of the moon and the sun from outer space. I want to travel to the ends of the universe and see everything; there's so much out there that I just want to be able to witness.

armoire in the attic - Have you ever hidden anything away? What and why?

Before we stopped talking I'd asked the first person I'd ever loved and who ever told me they loved me why they did. They wrote me a letter and gave it to me a few days later. I kept it stashed away for years even after they died and would sometimes go back and read it, usually for different reasons at different times. Sometimes I would read it and hate myself for my part in the pain I'd caused them, other times I would cry at the raw expression of emotion they had poured out and gone through the trouble of writing down just for me. Eventually I felt it was time I moved forward and onward and I threw it away, I guess in a way that was me hiding it one last time.

sleeping draught - What was the last dream you had?

Last night felt like a part 2 to the prior night's dream, I'd been wandering around a forest that stretched on as far as I would imagine. There were people travelling along the rivers for leisure or business I wasn't sure but there were so many boats and lights and I could hear life all around me. At some point I'd found an old coworker's sister whom I'd had a crush on for a time and she held my hand and walked me down to a dock and I don't remember what she said, my consciousness was so focused on feeling her hand in mine. The slightly rough texture of her skin, how her fingers clasped between mine, the warmth of her hand on mine. Last night I was back in the forest but it was 2 of my ex's that share a name who had met me this time. First was the one I met my 3rd year of high school after moving from states away the summer between my sophomore and junior years, she was the first person to really try and get my out of the shell I'd let ossify around me. The second I had met midway through my senior year at a theatre conference at a local university, was as tall as me and we'd both gone to the same dance "class" thing. I'd never actually danced with a partner before. I don't even remember what occurred in the dream I just know that they were there. I wonder what my next dream will be.

peeling wallpaper - Write about a memory.

My Grandmother used to work the US State Department as an international attaché for local artists wherever she was stationed. She'd hold fundraisers for and have interviews with local artists and discuss how they could promote their work in their country and aboard. (technically the US but my grandmother would also personally build networks with people and organizations that she'd developed relationships with in other countries.) Near the end of her career she was working for the consulate in Nairobi, Kenya for a few years and (I'm uncertain of the circumstances that led to our ability to go) we were invited out to stay with her at the home she was living in at the time. It was a large home that looked almost like a home in Greece but instead of the white it was beautiful earthen red that popped out from the trees surrounding it.

To my little 6 year old eyes that had only ever seen apartments or suburban US homes seeing something so different but so cozy felt like being in another world. The neighbors had a son my age that would come over and play or we'd both go outside and play in the cul-de-sac that the houses were in. I remember finding an Animorphs book in the neighbor's house and being intrigued by the cover art. (I then went a decade never seeing or hearing about Animorphs and believed that in some kind of fever dream I had imagined this book with this kid caught in some transformative state and no one would believe me about it so I stopped trying to tell people about it.)

Later on this trip we went to a national park (?) called The Ark where my grandmother was helping to put together some kind of big event involving multiple performances and artists and various dignitaries. The night prior to this all the children of the families that were staying were all in a big room with some counselors over-looking the savannah and were playing some kind of slideshow raise your hands animal quiz game or something and the winners of said quiz would get some candy. When I was young I had a chocolate allergy and so before the game I'd asked if there were any other candies available aside from chocolate as I was allergic and couldn't eat any. A counselor responded in a very dry and annoyed tone that yes they could get other candy if they really needed to. The whole room (counselors included) burst out laughing, the children snickered at me calling me stupid saying such an allergy doesn't exist or say that I wasn't gonna win anyway so why would I care about what kind of candy there was. I won that quiz and there was such a conflicted feeling of pride and embarrassment and shame as I walked forward and stood under the projection screen and collected my little bag of chocolate coins. Later that night one of the counselor's brought me a marshmallow rope.

I didn't even enjoy it.

conspirators - Do you have a confidante?

For a very long time I didn't and even thinking of applying the word to another living soul scared me half to death. But I know now that I do have one and I trust them with anything and everything.

phantom footsteps - Do you believe in ghosts?

There's a good part of me that wants to take this at face value and say no, but I know it wouldn't be true in both the direct meaning and also in a sense that even if incorporeal beings weren't floating around attempting to reconcile their existence I feel that we all carry ghosts within ourselves. Of the people we've lost or the memories of times and places that stay with us. All the world is moving all of the time we won't ever and cannot over repeat things exactly as they were, the very matter that we're made from has already changed from that prior time. But the echoes still bounce around and affect us as we go about our lives.

It's up to us whether we're haunted by them or not I suppose.

[spencerrxids]

untied shoelaces

fools (chapter 1)

main masterlist | series masterlist | next

pairing : Steve Harrington x fem!reader

genre : angst, Unrequited-Love (or is it? 👀)

warning : contains scene from Season 4 not really a spoiler cause it’s on the trailer

summary : in which you realize that Steve’s feelings for Nancy seems to remains the same even after all these years

wordcount : 2.6k

a/n : i don’t like this one. i wasn’t in the angsty mood half of the time i write this which was tbh frustrating me. i was supposed to be sad but i ended up being pissed cause i’m not sad? idk. i’m planning to make another part if you like this.

Have you ever just looked at someone and went like ‘God, I wish I were you’. If not, then congrats you are definitely not missing out on something important. But if it did happen to you before, then you might find yourself relating to this story more than you thought you would.

***

Steve Harrington is an asshole and she wished that she hated him for that. Instead, she falls for him, harder than she ever did, loving him as if she never loved before. She wished she could hate him for giving her reasons to do that. But no matter how hard she tried, the words that fell out of her mouth would still be lies while the truth remained in her shallow heart.

She is in love with Steve Harrington. There’s nothing in this world that could possibly change that, not even the fact that his heart is set on Nancy Wheeler. Maybe the two of them are more alike than she thought they were, after all, Steve and she are both falling for those whose heart only beats for the one that is not theirs. And there is no greater power out there that could possibly save them from the pain that awaits ahead of them.

She knew Steve for what feels like their whole life, except in this case, she does know him her whole life. Him? Not so much. Steve wasn’t exactly the one who would go around and shake hands with the others even when they were still preschoolers–not exactly the jerk he was going to be in High School, it’s the fact that everyone seems to love him so he never had the time to actually look around and notice her. He probably won’t even remember the first time he ever interacted with her, yet for her, the memory remains fresh as if it just happened the day before.

“Watch out.” She could hear someone yelling while she walked on the pavement, holding her backpack as she got closer and closer to the school. “You. Girl with the red backpack! Watch out.” Realizing that the person was talking to her, she freezes on the spot, eyes widening as it wanders warily around to check if there’s anything that is currently flying towards her.

Not a second later, she could feel the impact of someone crashing onto her back, her feet stumbled forwards a few steps before gaining back their balance. Swiftly, she turned around and found herself looking at a boy with rather voluminous hair for his age. A year older probably, she thought at that moment.

“You should really watch out.” He said, chest heaving up and down, an effect of chasing her down the street. A confused look came on her face, she opened her mouth slightly but her words went silent as the boy suddenly crouched down on one knee. “You really don’t realize it, huh? Your shoelace is untied. You could fell if only I didn’t warn you.” His little hands tied it back carefully before standing back up once more.

“And let me tell you this, falling because of that isn't exactly pleasing. It was rather embarrassing, it happened to me once.” He continues, furrowing his eyebrows together as a displeasing look goes up on his face—the unpleasant memory comes back into his mind. He cringed to himself. “Well, better watch your step next time.”

She continued standing here, frozen in time even though he was no longer around. “Thank you?” The words fell flat on earth as she said it to nothing but the air in front of her. A hue of red covered her face as she recalled the brief interaction. That was the day she decided that maybe, maybe Steve Harrington is someone who goes around and shakes hands with the others. She decided that the next time she saw him, she would express her gratitude for him.

When the day finally comes, she gives up the idea of it as his ‘friends’ drag him away just before she could speak out his name. Whispers about her name flew past her ear. She knows. She knows what those groups call her. Many names just for some stupid reasons. If we’re being truthful out here, she doesn’t really care about it. They were just a bunch of idiots who loved calling other people names to make themselves feel inferior to others. It’s okay, she thought. People make mistakes.

***

It was a random day in Middle School when Steve Harrington approached her for the second time, this might be the memory that comes to his mind when the topic of their first interaction comes up—which is never. She was closing her locker, ready to go back home as he suddenly leaned onto the locker beside her.

She was about to ignore him, thinking that he wasn’t there for her when he called out her name, almost hesitantly as if he wasn’t sure if it was actually her name. “Yeah, hi. I don’t think we were ever properly introduced. I’m Steve Harrington.” He ended that with an unusual smile on his face as if he is up to something not good. She doesn’t like it.

“I already know that?” The statement sounded more like a question instead. “Now if you excuse me-“

“No. No, wait. You live across from my house, right?” She went silent, not expecting him to realize that. When did he start to notice her existence? The thought of that rang in her mind. It is true what he said, that they are in fact neighbors. “And we’ve been going to the same school since elementary school.”

Preschool, she wanted to say.

“And your point is what exactly?” She raised her eyebrows at the same boy who loves to throw a little prank around the school every now and then. He’s not really the jerk she had expected him to be but the boy that goes around and shakes his hands with others.

Steve raised his point finger up in the air. “I need a……….” She couldn’t catch what he was saying at the end of his sentence as he purposely muted himself. Hesitatingly he said it once more. “I need a – I need a tutor. Not really a tutor, I guess. I just need some help with my homeworks. And your house is near and you’re smart. So why not?”

“You want me to do your homeworks?” She asked.

“Help me. Help me with my homeworks.” He replied. “Cause I’m really really really stupid with numbers. My parents are rarely home but when they do it’ll be nice if they have something to be proud of about me, you know?”

Hearing that last part of his sentence, she found herself nodding at his request. That night she went to his house and found herself stressed because God forbid Steve Harrington to understand multiplication or any subjects that contain numbers apparently. “It’s 9. The answer is literally nine. 3 times 3 is 9.” She insisted for the 2749303th time that day.

“Yeah, Sherlock, I know that. But here, it says 3 squared. It has two and three in it which means I’m right. The answer is six.” He looks at her smugly, crossing his arm to his chest as if he just solved the greatest mystery in the world. While she just looked at him, silently wondering how the hell did he pass those classes in the past. With her mouth wide open, she found herself nodding. “Wow. You really should get a brain check, Harrington. You might just solve what even Einstein himself can’t solve.”

That night, the fates decided to write their story altogether, making them quite inseparable as their line of thread stood closely next to each other but never once ever crossed. What began from a stressed tutor-dumbass student relationship grew into a genuine friendship where she found herself getting into trouble with him. Running through the market aisle like some silly pre-teenagers. His hand held hers as he dragged her away from the angry shop owner, throwing their heads back with a wide smiles plastered on their face.

Then high school comes into the picture and ruins them all. Like it always does.

***

It’s really unfair, isn’t it? Fates must be laughing at her right now. Screw them for getting her hopes up. Maybe this is it. It has come to that moment where she needs to accept the fact that their line would never cross and tangle itself with one another–connecting them for eternity. That there would always be a border between them that won’t allow their fate to cross one another.

She had to watch him slowly slipping away from her grasp as he started hanging out with Tommy H. and Carol. It’s not that bad at first, Steve tries his best to make her feel included although clearly, it’s transparent that she wanted nothing to do with his ‘friends’. When the nickname ‘King Steve’ was thrown around she had no problem with it either. Simple meaningless title.

But when he fell for Nancy. That’s – that’s when things started to fall out of place. Even then, she couldn’t bring herself to hate the girl who owns his heart, she could never. Nancy was a nice person and she was also a good friend to her. Hell, she was defending the poor girl after the shitty stunt that Steve had pulled. Driving him to the Byers’ house so he can beg for Jonathan’s forgiveness. If they hadn’t gone there, they probably won’t ever known about the other world that lay beneath them. The dark side of Hawkins. Stories about Demogorgon, Hell-ish creatures, and the girl who apparently has powers.

When Steve passed her and went to Nancy’s side, there was an ounce of disappointment in her gut. But she quickly paid no mind to it, telling herself that in the end, they’ll be the ones who are in a relationship. Her gaze fell on Jonathan as his eyes were fixed on the girl in Steve’s embrace. With a knowing smile, she nudged him. “You too, huh?” Her hand sneaked onto his back, patting him slightly. Why can’t the two turn around and see the one who actually loves them? Good news for Jonathan, Nancy looked over her shoulder for a slight moment.

When the two finally break up with all of the ‘bullshit’ incidents. She went onto Steve’s side like she always does. Keeping the brokenhearted boy close, collecting all the pieces of his heart that have been shattered to the ground the same way she has always been keeping him close to her heart. But she doesn’t think all of her efforts had any kind of an effect on him because at that time she somehow ended up with Steve and Dustin for a few days. She had heard him talking about Nancy again. God, she wishes she were Nancy. In a world full of questions, one stood out the most to her, what does it feel like to be loved by Steve Harrington? If there’s still any chance for her to feel that, even if it were just for a minute, she would trade anything for that.

Maybe I’m not the one.

Seems foolish to feel that much all for a guy whose heart doesn’t beat at the mention of her name. She knows that. She is a foolish girl. But so is Steve for feeling the same way for a girl whose heart no longer beats at the mention of his name. When he started to talk about Nancy to Dustin, she immediately distanced herself far from the two. If only she stayed a little longer, she would have heard how he talked about her.

***

Just when she thought all of those scary things were gone, the vecna problem showed up and here she was standing on the side as her eyes fixed on Steve and Nancy inside the Creel’s house. Hasn’t seen them together side by side for a long time makes her forget how much pain she could feel all at once. She cleared her throat to gain their attention, awkwardly she pointed over her shoulders. “Umm, Max was searching for you. I think she might have got something.”

Nancy throws her an awkward smile as she walks past her. Right, everyone knows. Everyone knows it all but him. She approached Steve who was still standing there looking quite out of the place. She pointed the flashlight to his face. “What was that?” She asked him, quivering her eyebrows. A disappointed look was visible on her face. “Steve, she has Jonathan in California. You should remember that.”

“What was-No. No. Yeah, I know. About Jonathan I mean.” He paused and pressed his lip into a firm line. “It’s nothing. We were just talking.” His eyes avoided hers as he put his hand on his waist.

She nodded slowly. “I just don’t want you to get hurt. I really don’t. Not again, Steve.” She said with sincerity filling her tone. A heavy sigh got out from her as her eyes downcasted to the ground, frowning at the memory of him after the breakup. “I can’t have you–I can’t have you going back to her after–“ After I almost got you. “After all that happened to you back then. She is already happy with Jonathan.”

“So please I beg you right now. Don’t love the girl who wasted your feelings when there are others who would love you—who have been in love with you like how you’ve been in love with her. When there are others who would trade everything they have just to fill the empty space that was left by her in your heart.” She didn’t even realize how her voice cracks at the end of her sentence or how tears threaten to spill from her eyes. “Don’t be a fool.”

Notice me. I’m right here.

Steve stood there, almost looking as if he were a statue if it weren’t for the up and down of his chest. She shut her eyes, letting the tears escape from them, as she turned her head the other way. Unable to face the rejection of what she just accidentally implied to him. She could feel him getting closer to her. And when she opened her eyes, there he was crouching on one knee, tying the knot of her shoelace together. “Steve, I-“

“Your shoelace is untied. You could fell if I didn’t notice it.” He looks up at her with a sad smile on his face. She just stares at him, unmoving, unsure if this was a memory replaying itself in front of her cause once again, the memory of their first interaction remains fresh in her mind even a decade later. “And it’s not exactly pleasant to fall because of that reason.” He stands back up, now looking down at her with an unexplained look in his eyes. One that she can’t bear to look at cause she knows even if it was filled with rejection, she would fall harder instead.

“Thank you.” She paused for a second, before looking up at him. “For noticing me.”

For remembering what I thought was gone from your memory.

He puts his hand on her shoulder, grasping it softly before leaning down a little bit with a whisper. After that, he flashed her a quick smile before leaving the room. Leaving her alone as she stands there with nothing but pain filling her heart as silent tears escape her eyes. They are both fools indeed.

part 2 (pls tell me if you wanna be on the taglist)