#well. healing some of that trauma of the last time I saw him. a reunion hug maybe even which has become tradition. CUT THE CAMERAS deadass

[sunforgrace]

he sat there on the ground and cried. for cas. cas told him he loved him was taken away and he buried his head in his hands and wept

[feyretales]

ELIDE'S ONESHOT: Perranth will be great again

I am back!! This sweet scene takes place in Orynth, sometime around 3 weeks after Orynth´s battle, when Elide receives the news that people in Perranth discovered she survived the war and will be back home!

Enjoy! And remember english isn´t my first langague too lol

words: 1846

__________________________________________________________

Elide descended the stairs of the Orynth´s castle holding Lorcan´s hand, as they had done for 3 weeks now. Since the end of the war.

This was the first - and last, for all she cared - war Elide had actually saw, so she wasn't prepared for the mess of the afterwards: cleaning everything, healing from your own traumas, helping the other to heal their own scars, internal and externals. And noticing that now you actually survived, and need to plan for the future ahead. 

She was almost hopeless about this at first. She would never be a good lady. How could she? What kind of education had she received? What would she say to the people and the counselors of Perranth when she couldn't read a simple document?

But when these nightmares about dishonoring her family tried to take place, Elide looked at Lorcan. How hard he was trying, in his own, discrete way, to learn all he could about Perranth: reading its story in various books, going on rides through Orynth to learn about Terrasen´s people, soil, trade, culture. Even attending some of Aelin reunions with the lords, local and foreign, about the future and discussing with them. And Elide knew that the language Lorcan had learnt in his life to convince wasn´t the oratory skills.

He was trying. Trying hard to become a good lord to Perranth.

Elide would try, too. And perhaps, by his side, she could become a good lady, too. She could try to learn how to read and write as fast as possible, and Lorcan would help her understand any documents in the meanwhile, she knew…he had a great deal of experiences in different kingdoms, and that would be so good to their homeland…

That could work out well. But now, when she knew they would go back home in 2 days, she was nervous all over again. And she knew Lorcan had noticed.

When they arrived at the breakfast table, all their friends were already there. The first thing Elide did, smart as she was, was take a slice of the chocolate pastry in front of her.

“Do you want one?” She asked Lorcan.

“Too early for all this sugar” 

“You don't know what you are missing” Was her muffled answer, with chocolate all over her mouth already. In return, Elide received one of those good tempered snorts from Lorcan, which she knew weren't very usual for anyone but her, and made it all the more special.

“Here” he said, sliced into the leek-and-ham quiche and set a chunk on her plate, along with an apple, before taking the coffee pot to fill her cup, and his “Remember to eat some fruit and meat as well, to at least balancete with all this sugar”

Elide smiled and nodded at him, noticing the discreet looks in their direction from the others around the table. She was already accustomed to them. All of their friends had lived with a different, old version of Lorcan, one who was brute and egoist, and would never worry about anyone but himself. What a shock it must be for them, seeing such a difference of attitudes in a short amount of time, seeing sparks of happiness and love and care in a face which was like made of stone.

Elide had a great amount of stories from this war. And a couple of big, memorious attitudes too. Great victories. 

But this.

This happiness that couldn't quite be hidden, these shining eyes, the better tempered mood…this was her greatest victory at all.

As they were the last one to get to the breakfast table this morning, Elide and Lorcan were still eating while all their friends had already finished their plates. The Lady of Perranth noticed, drinking the last remains of her coffee, the eyes of the queen on her, and knew her friend was waiting for the best moment for some important talk.

So she left her coffee cup on the table and nodded to the queen. And she knew Aelin had understood.

“Elide” she said, and cleared her throat. This made Elide raise her eyebrows. “I received a letter earlier today. From Perranth”

A shot of adrenaline runned through her, and she felt Lorcan holding her hand below the table. The queen now had their full attention, along with the attention of the other members of her court.

“I thought about telling you something I read there. I mean, you and Lorcan will have the opportunity to read the entire letter and learn about the situation of your place, but there is a single sentence…There's one single part I would like to read out loud, if you two allow me”

They both nodded at once, and Elide tightened the grip in Lorcan´s hand.

Aelin took a brown paper of her pocket, unfolded it and read:

“ [...] We do understand that the enemy knew the importance of Perranth when striked us. The damages are big, and reached central points of one of the most powerful cities of Terrasen, more important than Orynth itself at some points in our history.

When the army fell, we felt relieved and faithful that a miracle had occured in front of our eyes. But at dusk the next day, the deep understanding of the real damage hit us, and it was extremely difficult. 

Our central square was destroyed. There are blast points on our roads, making it difficult to get around. Our water system has also been damaged, and our women have faced long journeys on foot to fetch water that is no longer reaching our community sources.

But the greatest destruction was in Perranth's ultimate symbol: the family.

The demons left a trail of blood in our streets, and concentrated their forces on those they deemed strongest among us.

We have dozens of fae orphans on our streets who have lost parents, uncles and cousins overnight. This was a heavy blow to our people, and it despaired us more than anything.

The war stories portrayed in the books tell of days that followed with celebration and joy, and I am sorry to be the bearer of the news that, in Perranth, our day after the end of the war was one of weeping and hopelessness.

How would we get back to what we were before?

Until, at the beginning of the second day, a letter arrived. A single conselour of Perranth read it, and as white as paper, announced that he would confirm the information before sharing it. He sent letters to the four corners of the kingdom that day, and five days later, he received several replies that confirmed the same information: Elide Lochan is alive.

Elide Lochan was held prisoner in Morath, and she survived.

Elide Lochan aided in the battle of Anielle, and then marched with Terrasen's army to Orynth.

Elide Lochan fought in Orynth alongside the queen, and survived.

Elide Lochan faced Erawan face to face, and survived.

Elide Lochan stabbed Erawan. And survived.

Elide Lochan is actually in Orynth, recovering from the war, and looks set to marry the legendary Lorcan Salveterre of Doranelle.

Elide Lochan was in the coronation of queen Aelin, and, along with the other lords and ladies of Terrasen, received the official title of Lady of Perranth in this same event.

Elide Lochan will soon return to Perranth.

The lord shared the various letters, with different pieces of history, with the other lords of Perranth.

I was there, Your Majesties, and I felt the shock that everyone else felt as well. It couldn't be real. Elide Lochan had been dead for 10 years, a victim of an infection caused by a broken ankle, that's what Vernon told us over and over again.

Three minutes passed, and someone slammed the door. A messenger from the gates of Perranth announced that there was a commotion in the city.

I do not expect you to remember, dear queen, that Perranth was always as magical as Orynth. There is a flower that grows only here, in our mountains, a symbol so strong that adorns our flag.

The white kingsflame.

A long time ago, white kingsflames sometimes grew in people's doors or other random places, and that was a sign of good luck. Our dear Lady Marion was in love with these flowers, and no one here forgets the flowers that were born out of season many years ago, to announce that the girl Elide was born.

When magic was banished, we saw these flowers die, all at once. Nobody ever saw it again. Some of our children were born and raised listening to stories and thinking that our magical flowers were legends.

That day, returning along a dirt road with buckets full of water, an entourage saw a strange flower in the middle of the road. A woman recognized it, knelt on the earth and cried.

The flower was brought to town and shown to everyone. Was that a sign of better days to come? But how, if the Lochan family was dead? Was it a sign that there was hope for Perranth?

This was the commotion that ran through the city, and which the messenger came to communicate.

There was hope, yes, we realized. And it was also a sign, yes.

As the white kingsflame bloomed to let us know that Elide Lochan was born, she came back to warn us again that our lady was alive, and coming home.

My hands tremble at the thought that this letter can reach Elide Lochan and our lord-to-be Lorcan Salveterre. There's a lot we'd like to say, but we don't know how. How to thank or express our happiness.

If you are reading this letter, dear Elide, know that we have never forgotten you. A wreath of white kingflames made by a group of our children goes with this letter to remind you of this: we are waiting for you.

And since we got our answers, and the news spread through the streets of our hometown, the rebuilding work has continued stronger. 

We still have problems that we don't know how to solve. But there is hope in our people, for white kingsflames continue to be born in droves in our mountains, and harvested to decorate the entire city. And we look forward to the day when we can celebrate, with our magical flowers, that Elide Lochan has returned home at last.

Lord Aron Taron, from Perranth.”

Elide Lochan saw her queen place the wreath of white kingflames atop her head, and smile wetly down at her. Then, Elide covered her face with her hands and cried.

At once, all of her doubts and fears were replaced by overwhelming love. There was hope, yes.

She felt the embrace of Lorcan and Aelin and the others around the table, and felt their tears, too. 

People were waiting for her. People were comemoring her survival. They never knew she was alive, never knew she was there this entire time…that's why no one tried to help her.

And white kingsflames were blooming again. Her mother's favorites. She remembered the long years looking at the mountains and realizing that if the flowers were dead, there would be no more hope for her home, too.

But now there were flowers again. And hope. And her people were waiting for her.

Elide Lochan knew, right away, that she would make Perranth great again. As great as it had been during Cal Lochan's rule. Her father would be proud of her. And her mother. And her people.

Perranth would be great again.

[jaskicr]

some witcher!jaskier thoughts

alright so suddenly i had some ideas for an alternate version of i have often dreamed of a far off place (you don’t need to have read the fic to understand this)

basically, witcher!jaskier asks tissaia to cast a spell to make him live a full human life without his witcher memories, and the spell breaks and returns him to a witcher when his human body dies, and all his memories are returned.

instead of being killed right after the mountain, what if jaskier instead led a full life with geralt, raising ciri with him and yen and died of old age?

so geralt and ciri and yen mourn him because they lived a full life with him and watched him grow old and die.

geralt and jaskier were in a relationship and geralt was by jaskier’s bedside as he took his last breath

meanwhile, jaskier (now julian) isn’t actually dead but he’s been returned to his witcher body, so he’s out there panicking

he fears that his family won’t want him because he’s a witcher, so he avoids going to find them and revealing that he’s alive

he’s terrified of them hating him and he doesn’t want to taint their memories of human bard jaskier, so he stays away even though he just really wants to go back to them and tell them that he isn’t dead

and gods, what if geralt hates how he looks as a witcher? jaskier the human bard had been, well, human, with handsome human features, with brown hair and blue eyes that geralt had always found beautiful

but julian the witcher has silver hair and golden eyes, ugly scars scoring across his face, and he looks nothing like jaskier

so julian tries to avoid his family, but one day, he unknowingly stumbles upon the same contract as geralt.

geralt, who’s still devastated over jaskier’s death, is fighting the monster in a grief-fuelled haze and he’s losing

julian arrives just in time to save geralt from the monster, but geralt is badly injured so when he sees julian, he thinks he’s hallucinating jaskier

he’s floating in and out of consciousness but he can see jaskier’s face above him, looking at him worriedly and tending to his wounds and it’s so familiar

but then jaskier’s face is wrong, the hair and the eyes and the scars are wrong but jaskier is here and geralt has missed him

meanwhile, julian is furiously patching up geralt’s wounds, and it’s a routine he knows too well

‘you stupid witcher,’ he grumbles. ‘i wasn’t even gone for a year, can’t you stay out of trouble without me?’

when geralt finally heals, he wakes up with a vague memory of seeing jaskier and his heart aches, because he must’ve been hallucinating but it felt so real 

then he realises that there’s an unfamiliar witcher next to him, whose head is laid on the bed as he sleeps 

and gods, why does this witcher look familiar? is that why he’d dreamed up jaskier? and why is there a witcher here?

then julian wakes up and sees geralt awake. ‘oh thank the gods, geralt, you’re awake,’ he breathes in relief

he starts fussing over geralt, looking over his bandages

and geralt is so goddamn confused because this witcher is a stranger and yet he’s taking care of geralt like they know each other

and there’s a painful familiarity in the way he tends to geralt’s wounds that makes geralt’s heart ache for the bard that he’d lost

he pushes julian away. ‘who are you?’

at first, julian is hurt, but then he realises geralt probably doesn’t recognise him.

after all, it’s been decades since he’s looked this young, not to mention the more witchery aspects of his appearance that make him look different

but julian is also so fucking happy to see that geralt is alive that he just leans forward and kisses geralt on instinct

and geralt is shocked because this strange witcher has the audacity to kiss him out of nowhere, but also... 

there’s only one person who kisses like that

but jaskier is dead,  so he pushes julian away, furious. ‘who gave you the right?’ he demands

but his mind is in turmoil, still full of thoughts about jaskier because he misses his bard so goddamn much

and it doesn’t help that he’s almost certain that he saw and felt jaskier earlier, and this witcher kisses exactly like jaskier, and his emotions are a maelstrom of confusion and grief and devastation, because what’s happening?

and julian is stammering out apologies as he backs towards the door, inwardly cursing himself for being so careless.

‘i’m just... gonna go,’ he whispers.

he can’t be around geralt, because if geralt realises who he is and rejects him, julian will break. ‘i, uh... you don’t need me anyway, i’ll... see you around.’

then just as julian is about to step out of the door, something clicks for geralt 

‘... jaskier?’

and julian freezes. since his death, he’s worked to convince himself that his family would reject him if they ever realised

he never thought someone would call him by that name that ever again, but geralt recognises him

meanwhile, geralt’s one (1) brain cell is working overtime as he tries to connect the dots.

this witcher has the same face as jaskier, bar the scars, but... jaskier is dead so why does he share a face with this witcher?

but what if - but if jaskier is alive?

and julian is frozen in the doorway as he watches realisation dawn on geralt, and fuck, geralt is going to reject him now, isn’t he?

and he bolts

geralt is stunned, but forces himself to follow after julian despite his injuries, and manages to catch onto julian’s arm once they’re outside 

‘wait,’ geralt pleads, and julian stiffens, but doesn’t turn around

‘jaskier, please,’ geralt begs, tears building in his eyes. ‘is that - is that you?’

and slowly, so slowly julian turns around, and geralt drinks in his face and thinks, oh. so that’s why he kissed like jaskier

he pulls julian into the tightest hug and they’re both crying.

neither of them thought they’d ever get to have this again, but they’re here

when geralt finally pulls away after like an hour of tearful hugging, he asks quietly, voice broken, ‘how?’ 

julian tries to turn his face away, wanting to hide his scarred, inhuman face from geralt, but geralt puts his hand on julian’s chin and turns julian to face him

then geralt kisses him and lets his hands roam over the raised scars on julian’s face, relearning the lines of his face and his body

and geralt is confused but so in awe, because jaskier is here and he’s alive even if he’s somehow a witcher

then julian spills his story and talks about the spell, but all geralt can focus on is that jaskier is alive and won’t be leaving him 

and julian expects geralt to push him away because he’s so different now, he’s not jaskier anymore and he looks nothing like jaskier

but geralt just puts their foreheads together tenderly and murmurs, ‘i love you, jaskier, gods, we have forever.’

then geralt brings julian to ciri and yen and everyone in kaer morhen and there are many tearful reunions as everyone realises that jaskier is alive and won’t be leaving them anytime soon

but even then, julian has a fuckload of extra trauma - he had a life without geralt, a long life filled wth violence and pain, and it’s something they need to work around

yes, jaskier lived a full human lifetime with geralt, but julian had decades/centuries before that, and he isn’t the same person as jaskier

but geralt learns to love this new version of jaskier

and ciri is so goddamn happy that her other father is here with her, and she smacks jaskier a bit for not finding them earlier and making them mourn

but he’s forgiven when he pulls ciri into a crushing hug. ‘i love you, cub, i’m so happy to have more time with all of you.’

yen gives tissaia an earful for not telling them, but tissaia just gives a small, mischievous smile.

she always knew that it would work out eventually, and julian needed to get his dumb head out of his arse

this is a spinoff of this witcher!jaskier fic on mine, so if you liked this, please do check it out!💓

[a-edgar-allan-hoe]

The Last Chthonian

Bucky x Reader, Sam x Reader, Zemo x Reader

Part 15

A/N: Phew this was a long ass chapter to write! Feedback is greatly appreciated lovelies! That way I know I’m doing this right. 😂 I hope you all have a lovely day! Mwah!

Summary: Imagine being Hekate, the Greek goddess of magic and witchcraft, the night and the moon, doorways and crossroads, creatures of the night, and ghosts and necromancy. You stumbled upon Earth many centuries ago and since then have resided on the foreign planet. During the recent years you created an alias for yourself to hide your true identity, and after the war against Thanos you chose to live out your days in the Scottish countryside, until a certain trio appear at your doorstep one day.

Warnings: language, blood, scars, brief mention of past trauma and torture

The world seemed dimmer as you sat there on the ground with your back leaned against the metal container, your hand clutched to your aching side from where the bullet had managed to pierce your skin. The bottom of your shirt was soaked with your ichor as you groaned from the sharp pain, your breathing uneven as you looked up to the skies. This had never happened to you before, this wasn’t supposed to happen. With tear stained cheeks, your thoughts focused on your daughter Athena. You couldn’t die, not now. Not when you have your daughter waiting at home for you, no matter how much you wanted to see your family and your beloved violinist. After all the years of heartbreak and wishing to be just as mortal as everyone else, your daughter was the only thing that added color to your life, gave you hope and had you looking forward to the future. No, you were not going to die. You weren’t going to leave your daughter alone in this cold world the same way you were left alone. You were going to be there for her, raise her and watch her grow up. Watch her go to school and graduate, then live out her dreams and aspirations. You absolutely refused to die.

“Gods please.” You choked out, squeezing your eyes shut against the tears that flowed down your cheeks. “Mother, father, uncle, if you can hear me. Wherever you may be resting. Please, not now.” For the first time in many years, you felt like a child, scared and hurt, only this time you were alone, not a single member of your family left that you could turn to.

Lifting up your shirt with a hiss, you stared at the wound right below your rib cage off to the side of your stomach, blood pouring out of the bullet hole with each slight movement. “Fuckin shit. Fuck!” You knocked your head back against the metal container. Sooner or later the guys would be worried about your absence and would come looking for you, and you did not want them to find you like this. If only you could remember the damn healing spell or had any of your healing herbs with you. Ripping off the inner lining of your leather jacket, you tied the strip of fabric around your midsection, tightening it to stop the bleeding until you got somewhere where you could fully tend to the wound. With a deep breath you pushed yourself off the floor with a pained grunt, still leaning against the container for support as you zipped up your leather jacket to hide your soaked shirt. Your vision became blurry from the movement as you straightened up and cleaned your hands off, putting away your sword in your bag before starting to head off to find the guys, each step making you more exhausted than the last. But you kept your posture and pushed through, refusing to succumb to defeat. You turned the corner and a small load was taken off your shoulders, relieved to have found the group safe and without an injury. Thank the gods.

“Y/n!” Sam rushed towards you once he saw you heading in their direction. “Where were you? You nearly had us searching the whole damn place.”

“I was off fighting bad guys off course.” You rolled your eyes, trying your best to keep your composure despite your injury.

“You okay?” Sam stood in front of you with his hands on your shoulders as he searched your face. “You look sick.”

“I’m fine.” You faked a yawn. “I just could use a nap. And some food.”

“You sure?” Sam raised his brow, unsure of your answer.

“Of course Sam. I’m practically bulletproof remember?” You smiled at him before giving him a pat. You smiled at Sharon and went over to Bucky, giving him a pat on the back as well. “Good job guys.”

“Well I don’t know if I’d call that a good job.” Bucky retorted before looking at you once more and studying your face. “You sure you’re okay? You don’t look too good, and you’re sweating.”

“Yes, for the hundredth time yes. I’m fine. And gods can sweat too by the way, we’re not made of plastic.” You added with a quirked brow before looking around. “Where’s Zemo?”

Just as you finished your question you saw Zemo pull up in a classic convertible with a smirk on his face. “Supercharged.”

“Where the hell did you get a car?” You furrowed your brows at him. “You found it didn’t you.”

“You’re going back to jail.” Sam noted, obviously done with Zemo’s antics.

“Do you want to find Karli or not?” Zemo sighed at them before looking over at you, raising his brow as he noticed how your skin had slightly lost color and looked sickly, as if you had a fever, though you stood as if nothing was wrong with you.

“He's right. We need him. And there's two of us, and at least 20 of them. Come on.” Bucky added as he hopped in the front passenger seat.

“Fine.” Sam glared at Zemo as he got in the backseat. “But if you try that shit again...”

“I wouldn't dream of it.” Zemo replied as he watched you get in the back from the rear view mirror.

You hesitated, eyeing the pristine white seats with shifting eyes. Shit. You didn’t want to get them dirty and you definitely did not want them to notice you were bleeding. With a silent prayer that you didn’t mess up the seats with your blood, you slid in the backseat next to Sam right behind Zemo, trying not make a strained face from the movement. Zemo had noticed this, how you were extremely careful in getting in his car, and he wondered what went wrong with you to act this way. It looked as if you almost didn’t want to get in. Your behavior was strange.

“Well, that was one hell of a reunion.” Sharon commented as she stood by the car.

“Come back to the States with us.” Sam offered her.

“I told you I can't. Just get me that pardon you promised me.” Sharon mentioned before walking away.

“You're not gonna move your seat up, are you?” Sam glared at the back of Bucky’s head.

“No.”

“Can you kids chill out? Don’t make me put you on time-out.” You muttered, grabbing your sunglasses out of your jacket pocket and putting them on. You were starting to get a massive headache from your wound and the sunlight was not helping at all, only blinding you at the moment.

“Hey, don’t call us kids.” Sam glared at you.

“I’m 23,000 years old. I’ll call you kids whenever I goddamn want.” You leaned back in your seat, only to have Bucky and Sam look at you with an offended frown while Zemo smirked before driving away.

You had arrived at the landing strip where Zemo’s jet was. Being careful to get out of the car, you looked back at your seat in relief to see that it was still clean, not a drop of your blood on it. Oeznik greeted you all as you came in. And as you glanced at the seats of the jet, you rolled your eyes as you pushed your sunglasses up on your head. You forgot the seats of Zemo’s jet were also light colored. With a sigh you sat down, being careful not to move too much that would cause you to lose more blood. You don’t know how you had managed to last that long with a wound like that.

“Would you like anything to drink miss?” Oeznik approached you, asking you in Russian.

“Water is fine thank you.” You answered back in Russian as you smiled politely at him. You could really use a glass of cold water right now. Your wound was not only making you exhausted, it was also making you extremely dehydrated.

“I didn’t know you can speak Russian.” Zemo commented when he heard you speak.

“Perks of being a Greek god.” You turned to face Zemo in front of you. “We can speak all languages.”

Oeznik came back with your glass and you thanked him, downing the glass in one sitting. The cool water felt harsh against your dry throat that felt like the Sahara dessert, as if you were swallowing sharp shards of ice. The glass of water did nothing to quench what seemed to be a never ending thirst, you could have chugged down a 5 gallon jug of water but it still wouldn’t have provided you any relief. You wanted desperately to ask for another glass and another after that, but you couldn’t let the guys get suspicious. You didn’t want to delay their mission and have them be worried about you, there was already enough on their minds. So you slid your sunglasses back on, ignoring the anxiety, the pain, the weariness, and the uncontrollable thirst as you leaned back to get into as much of a comfortable position as you could get. “I’m going to take a quick nap. So if you three could not argue like a pack of chihuahuas, that would be great.” You noted before closing your eyes.

“We don’t-“

“Shhhhh Sam. Thank you.” You mumbled as you struggled to fall asleep, the symptoms you were feeling only getting more severe. The sooner you landed and found a place to rest, the sooner you could tend to your wound.

“Is she okay?” Bucky whispered to Sam.

“Yeah, she gets like that when she doesn’t get her nap.”

“I heard that.” You announced with your eyes still closed.

“I thought you were going to sleep.” Sam looked at you.

“I’m in the process.” You mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest as you shifted in your seat, soon drifting off to sleep.

When you woke back up, you noticed that the plane was already starting to land. “So where are we landing?” You grumbled as you sat up in the seat, feeling more drained than before despite the nap you took. You rubbed your eyes from under your sunglasses, adjusting your vision to look out the window and seeing the clouds pass as you declined towards the earth.

“Riga, Latvia.” Zemo answered your question.

“How are you feeling?” Sam asked you once he saw that you were awake.

“Almost there.” You lied. “Once I get some food in my stomach and a proper night’s sleep, not a nap, to recharge, I’ll be like brand new.”

Once the plane landed, you got up and checked the seat again with a quick glance, it seemed as if luck was on your side, in a strange and twisted away. The seat was clean. You thanked Oeznik on your way out of the plane and followed Zemo into the streets of Riga, glancing around at the European architecture. The four of you received a few stares as you went, making you lower your head and hide your face behind the strands of your hair.

“I heard what became of Sokovia.” Zemo spoke. “Cannibalized by its neighbors before the land was cleared of rubble, erased from the map. I don’t suppose any of you bothered visiting the memorial? Of course not. Why would you?”

You winced at the jab Zemo made towards Sam and Bucky. Something told you Zemo hadn’t meant it towards you. Did he know you were there? You had visited the memorial once before with Wanda. At the time, you couldn’t help but feel guilty, despite your efforts to stay back after the defeat of Ultron to help clean up and find any remaining survivors. You, a Greek goddess, couldn’t even save the country from collapsing or the man you once loved. Who’s to say you can save your daughter if anything were to happen to her?

“We are here.” Zemo announced as he stopped at a building.

“I’m gonna go on a walk.” Bucky mentioned.

“You good?” Sam asked him.

You looked towards Bucky, silently asking him if he needed anything.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll see you guys in a bit.” Bucky nodded before heading off.

You watched him walk away with a raised brow, something was bothering him. You heard the sound of keys and turned back to see Zemo unlocking the door to a building, revealing a small flight of stairs.

“This way.” Zemo gestured. “We should stay the night here before heading off to find Madani first thing tomorrow.”

Fuck. You weren’t sure if you had enough strength left. You stared at the steps as Sam and Zemo went up.

“Y/n. You coming?” Sam called out to you, making you look up at him.

“Uh yeah.”

“Hey, are you sure you’re good?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You nodded with a feigned smile before heading up the stairs behind them, using everything in you to not collapse right then and there as your side burned with each step. Halfway up the stairs you were hit with vertigo, clutching your head as the world around seemed to sway along with you.

“Y/n?” You heard Sam’s voice, muffled by the throbbing that grew in your head.

Your body leaned backwards, just about to fall down the flight of stairs before a pair of arms grabbed you. You fell limp into Sam’s arms as he stared down at you with wide eyes, searching your clammy face for any signs of what could be wrong.

“Y/n? Y/n answer me!” Sam held you with panic in his voice, your body felt frail and cold in his warm arms, making his concern and worry only grow.

“Quick.” Zemo affirmed as he opened to door to his place. “We need to get her in.”

Sam picked you up, your head falling back limp as he carried you up the stairs.

“Quick. Set her down over there.” Zemo nodded towards the couch in the living room before closing the door behind him, watching Sam go over and lay you down as gently as he could. A sense of perturbation filled within Zemo as he saw you there. In the few days that he had known you, he had grown accustomed to seeing you always standing strong, your head held high and and a look on your face that meant you were ready for whatever troubles that may lay themselves on your path. He had gotten used to seeing you as the immortal daughter of Zeus himself, the princess of Olympus. Yet here you were, laid out on the couch in front of him, looking mortal and frail. It looked as if death itself was hovering just centimeters from your body, ready to snatch your soul and leave nothing but an empty vessel behind.

“What is wrong with her?” Zemo asked quietly as he moved over to where Sam was crouched by your side.

“I......I don’t know.” Sam shook his head as he tried to check your pulse before pausing, his eyes growing dark. “She’s.....dying.”

“What?” Zemo replied, his voice louder this time. This couldn’t be happening, Sam had to have made a mistake. You used to rule the Underworld alongside Hades. You were the one that guided the souls there. And after what happened, you were left to rule the dead on your own. How could you, goddess and ruler of the Underworld, die?

As you laid there, cold and sweating with what felt like your whole body was on fire, and your mind spinning from the vertigo, you felt Sam’s hands move towards the zipper of your jacket. You grabbed his wrist before he could touch you, pulling his hand away from your body.

“Don’t.” You breathed out, straining to open your eyes as you looked at him, only to see a blur of his figure.

“Y/n. What the hell is going on?”

“Don’t touch me.” You rasped out, licking your lips from how dry they felt.

“Y/n.”

“Don’t make me force you Sam. I’m fine. I just need some sleep.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Sam glared at you, wishing you weren’t so stubborn even in a state like this. “I’m going to remove your jacket to try and see what is wrong.”

“Don’t.” You squeezed your eyes shut as you groaned from the pain in your side.

“Y/n.” Sam’s voice was stern. “I checked your pulse. Don’t give me that shit. What the hell is going on?”

You sighed, not wanting to look at Sam in the eyes. You heard the door click open and saw Bucky walking in, his eyes trained on you. “Y/n? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You whispered.

“No she’s not fine.” Sam sighed as he turned towards Bucky, trying his best to stay calm in a situation like this. “Her pulse is weak.” Sam couldn’t help but feel that he was to blame for this. He let you go on this mission with him, and now you were injured, on the brink of death with your daughter still at home expecting your return. He promised Athena he would bring you home safe.

“Her pulse is weak? What do you mean?” Bucky furrowed his brows as he rushed over to where you were.

“It means what it means.” Sam looked away, his heart wrenching form the thought of what might become of you.

“Sam said she might be dying.” Zemo uttered, his eyes trained on the floor at his feet, he still didn’t want to believe what Sam had said. He wanted to be by your side, to hold your hand. But how could he with Sam and James there? A part of him wanted to do it anyways, despite what the two thought, but he couldn’t. He knew you wouldn’t allow him.

“Dying?” Bucky looked at him in anger from the words that came from him, grabbing Zemo by the collar of his coat. “The hell are you talking about? How can she be dying?”

“Can you guys cut it out?” You said louder this time, making the men turn to you, they couldn’t exactly tell what you were going through. But to you it felt as if your head would split open in any moment. “Y’all talk too damn much.” There was no point in trying to hide your situation now. With a groan and using every last bit of strength you had left, you pulled yourself up to a seating position, struggling in taking your jacket off before tossing it down on the floor.

“What the hell is on your shirt?” Sam knitted his brows together as he reached over to touch the golden liquid that stained your shirt, unsure of what the strange substance was.

“I said don’t touch me!” You shouted as you swatted Sam’s hand away.

“Wha-y/n what the hell is on your shirt?”

“..............It’s my blood, or ichor. It’s......extremely toxic to mortals, which is why I specifically said to not touch me.” You spoke with labored breaths as you leaned back on the couch.

“Your blood?” Bucky’s eyes widened. “Why are you bleeding? And why is it gold?”

“Not everyone bleeds red James.” You rolled your eyes.

“...........lift your shirt.” Sam ordered you.

“Sam-“

“I’m not gonna ask again y/n. I know you don’t want us to go near you. But I at least need to see what the hell is going on in the first place.”

You hesitated, your lips firm as you stared down at the ground. Not only were they going to see your wound, they were going to see the scars on your back as well, and there was nothing you could do about it. With a sigh, you grabbed the bottom of your shirt, peeling it off your skin since some of your blood had dried and stuck to your torso. Wincing as you did so, you lifted your shirt up to the bottom of your sports bra and untied the strip of fabric around your stomach, revealing the bullet wound underneath.

“You’ve been shot? But how?” Sam knitted his brows together. “I thought you were bulletproof.”

Once Zemo received a view of your wound, the blood within his veins burned with rage. He tried his hardest not to go out there right now and kill whoever had managed to put you in such a condition. You had a bullet imbedded in you this whole time, suffering, nearly bleeding to death and he hadn’t noticed. Why did you keep this from them?

“I’m supposed to be bulletproof Sam. I did not expect to be taken down by some bootleg Duane Chapman. But don’t worry, he’s dead.”

“But how?” Bucky asked you, your reaction to being shot was not what he had in mind. “Are you...are you going to die?”

“Look, I’m just as clueless as you are.” You grunted, wincing from the pain. “All I know is that I have to take out this bullet and stitch up the wound as soon as possible. I don’t want to find out what will happen if I don’t.”

“Christ.” Bucky ran his hand threw his hair, thinking of any way he can help you, but you refused to let them near. They couldn’t even come in contact with your blood because of how you treated it as if it were acid to them. “So what now?”

“I’m going to have to do this myself.”

“No way.” Sam shook his head. “That’s dangerous.”

“I’ve patched up Spartans, gladiators and knights before Sam, and many others after that. After centuries of doing it, I think I know what I’m doing.”

“Well have you ever done this on yourself?” Bucky asked you.

“..........no. But I can manage. As long as you guys don’t freak out, I won’t freak out.” You blinked before gesturing to your jacket. “Inside my right pocket there’s a tiny duffel bag, can one of you grab it please.”

“Tiny duffel bag?” Sam raised his brow.

“Yes, that’s what I said. Now can one of you please get it?”

Sam went over to where your jacket was on the ground, pulling out a miniature duffel bag from the pocket.

“Good. Now set it down on the floor.” You watched as Sam set the small bag on the floor with confusion. He thought it looked like it belonged to a Barbie doll. What the hell were you doing with it? “Okay good. Now step away.” With a flick of your wrist, the men watched you with curiosity as you used your magic to turn the duffel bag into it’s normal size.

“Well that’s totally normal.” Bucky commented.

“Okay. Now open up my bag, I want you to pull out my bottle of wine.”

Sam looked at you quizzically before zipping open your bag and rummaging through it, finding your glass bottle of wine and handing it to you. “I thought you don’t drink.”

“Never said I didn’t drink, I just don’t drink your mortal shit.” You grumbled, popping open the cork with your teeth and keeping the cork in place to prevent you from biting your tongue. Slowly, you poured some of the wine on your wound, grunting from the stinging sensation that made you bite down on the cork. After a few seconds, you set the cork and bottle down beside you. “Now, would any of you happen to have a needle and thread? And some gauze? Or even some clean strips of fabric?”

“I can check.” Zemo offered before heading off. Shortly after, he came back with gauze that he managed to find, along with a sewing needle that already had a string of thread looped through.

“Thank you.” You grabbed the things from Zemo, setting them aside on the table that was within arm’s reach before hovering your hand above your wound.

“Y/n....” Sam’s voice was unsure, laced with concern once he figured out what you were going to do.

Zemo turned away. He had seen many injured Sokovian soldiers before, but this was different, he couldn’t stand to see you like this. To see you in pain hurt him in a way he never thought he’d feel when he met you.

A violet mist appeared around your fingertips as you attempted to regain your breathing, trying your best to keep your hand steady despite how nervous you were. Yes, you had patched up many people in the past, but you never once had to do it on yourself, and you were terrified. What if it went wrong? But you couldn’t have someone else do it, Olympian blood was considered toxic to mortals, killing anyone who came in contact with it. No, it had to be you. With a single deep breath, you used your powers to extract the bullet from the wound, clenching your jaw as you hissed from the pain. Tossing the bullet aside, you added pressure to the wound to prevent any more loss of blood before cleaning it out.

Holding the needle in one hand and holding out your open palm in the other, you muttered a few words in Ancient Greek, using a pyromancy spell to light your free hand up in a violet flame.

“What are you doing?” You heard Sam ask.

“I have to sterilize the needle of course.” You answered before holding the needle up to the flame to heat it up, waiting for the metal to turn red before extinguishing the flame. You grabbed your wine bottle again, taking a few swigs out of it before setting it back down. With a huff of your jagged breath, you started on stitching it closed, hissing each time the needle pierced your skin.

The three felt guilty for having stood there, not being able to do anything to aid you while you stitched yourself up. But what could they do? If your blood was as toxic as you said, there was nothing they could do.

Once you were done stitching up your wound after what felt like hours, you had Sam help you with the gauze since you weren’t able to move much. You were practically waiting for him to see the scars on your back and ask about it. What would you even tell them? How would they react? You had managed to hide those scars for many many years until now, it was a memory you did not wish to relive. Logan, Charles, and Erik were the only souls who knew about them. One thing was for sure, you did not have the strength to explain to them the story behind them.

“Y/n.” You heard Sam’s worried tone of voice. You didn’t even have to look at his face to know where his eyes had landed. You could practically feel the gaze of the three of them, staring at your back with what you could only imagine as horror.

Though Zemo had caught a glimpse of them in the dark when he was in your room, the shadows that were cast against them from the moonlight failed to show just how deep and jagged they were, as if the skin on your back wasn’t even yours.

“Y/n.” Sam spoke softly after seeing the troubled look on your face and how silent you had become. “Y/n.............what is this? What happened to your back?” Sam had seen these kind of scars before, but only in photographs in history books, never in person, and he was afraid to hear what your answer would be.

There was only one thought that came to Bucky’s mind when he saw your back. He had been in a similar territory. Those scars that lined your back were almost too familiar to him and he didn’t need to have the same ones to know there was only one possible way you could have gotten them.

“I know you guys are concerned, about my scars.” You muttered, your back still facing them as you were left in your sports bra while you changed into a clean shirt, hiding the skin on your back. “But I’d rather not talk about it right now. And if you don’t mind, I’d like to get some proper rest.”

The men nodded their heads, accepting your request before heading off in their own directions. They understood your decision and weren’t going to question it.

“Sam wait.” You stopped him, seeing him stop in his tracks to face you. “Please stay.”

Sam looked at you with a raised brow, wondering why you wanted him to stay before sitting down on the sofa beside you. “How you feeling?”

“I feel like shit, but less shittier than before.” You chuckled softly before wincing from the action. “But don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Listen Sam, about my injury, please don’t blame yourself for what happened to me.”

“I’m not-“

“I can tell Sam.” You sighed. “I just want to let you know that none of it was your fault. I chose to go on this mission.”

“I let you come along and you got hurt.” Sam looked at you. “This wasn’t part of the plan.”

“Hey, not everything works out perfect. Trust me, I thought I would be fine because only a god can kill a god..........but I obviously got shot. But the thing that matters is I’m fine. Sure, I thought I was going to die. Hell, you all thought I was going to die. But I’m still here.”

“Do you know why that happened?” Sam asked you.

“To be honest? I still don’t know the true answer to that. Part of me thinks that it has to do with the loss of my planet. Maybe my time away from my planet has left me weak.”

“Hey.” Sam spoke up. “You are not weak. You are the strongest woman I know.”

“Right after your sister.” You quirked.

“Right after Sarah.” Sam chuckled softly. “Look, what I’m trying to say is, and I’ve seen you do it, you need to stop thinking that you’re weak, and less important than everyone else. You have gone through so much, and seen so many things. I can’t tell you how to feel about the things you have gone through because I don’t know what that’s like. I didn’t grow up on another planet, I’m not a Greek god and I’m definitely not thousands of years old, so I don’t know what that must have been like for you. But what I can say is that you’re not alone, you have a daughter who you raised all by yourself with zero experience of being a parent, and you raised her well. And you have us, so don’t feel like you need to hide every single thing from us. We’re here to help. I get that there are some things better left unsaid, but please don’t feel like you have to suffer through everything alone. If you keep eating at yourself like you do, and bottle up all your thoughts and feelings, it’s only going to do you more harm than good.”

“Y’know.” You looked at him, staring into those beautiful brown eyes of his that you always loved, the ones that reminded you of a safe place that you could seek shelter in no matter when. “I was supposed to give you a pep talk, but you have beat me to it.”

“Hey, if it works.” Sam smiled at you.

“Thanks Sam.” You smiled back.

“Come here.” Sam opened his arms out for you. “You need to rest.”

A sheepish grin appeared on your face as you scooted over to him, letting yourself relax in his warm embrace. Sam always gave the best hugs. Back when you worked with the avengers, Steve, Clint, and Sam were the three you would go to whenever you wanted a hug or just someone to hold you to wash all your worries away. Before them it was always Thor, and your brothers before him. But Sam’s hugs always felt as if you were hugging a big soft teddy bear, and gods you could stay in his arms forever. You two had stayed like that for a while, Sam with his back against the couch, and you cuddled up against his chest, wrapped in his arms. Right before you fell asleep, you thought about what Sam had told you. You knew he was right. But your thoughts couldn’t help but drift over to the recent events, how you were slowly starting to fall apart to your titaness form, the dream you had of Athena, and how you had been shot. After thousands of years, your skin had been pierced by a mortal for the first time. You thought about the prophecy you had heard a long time ago, the one your father had warned you about. Did this have anything to do with that? Were you in fact becoming mortal, or was this just paving a path to something much darker, and far more sinister.

Tag List: @Little-baby-vixen @girl-obsessed-with-things @aerynchromie @sunshinepower17 @viviace @kakimakiloh @thehornyles @gambitsqueen @awhorewithissues @spookycereal-s @lulu-yuming @mochminnie @Gabitanaka47 @s00nhi @vanteguccir @tomhollandsslilslut @dracoxxyoflam @suchababie @uhhhcrypticbastard @on-my-way-to-erebor @thewinterrbucky @mylifeispainandiloveit @fillechatoyante @padmoonyfeorge @montypythonsholysnail @pollynx @aziraslowlylosestheirshit @roundbrownlover @awesomeowlbook @bookloverfilmoholic @hargreevesd

[pheonixfire4015]

Peace in the Midst of the Storm By Eowyn38

Note: I have not written in a very long time and I didn’t have time to have someone review any mistakes. Its not my best, I am tired, so please forgive any kinks I didn’t work out. I couldn’t focus on homework so instead I wrote this. These people are fictional but often times a person will see similarities in character or circumstances with their real life that makes the fictional real. Having Elliot back has given me something to look forward to every week again. At the end of the day I just want these two to find some peace. We always get to see the trauma that does happen, but we have yet to get resolution in how an individual even begins to unravel pain and trauma. I wrote this because I guess it’s what I hope a real conversation will be between Elliot and Olivia on their journey towards healing. Its a start in the right direction, as they both have been dealing with pain and trauma in the same way. Surviving trauma is easier than dealing with the devastation it leaves in its wake. I know that based on my own trauma. Hope you enjoy.

Elliot and Olivia Reunion Post Episodes:

Rated: PG

Its 3:35 on a Friday night. Olivia is staring at the white speckled ceiling as it changes shape and color before her eyes the longer she stares. The emotions and thoughts leaving her unable to do anything else but lay there still. No amount of thinking or feeling ever seems to lead to any resolution or relief.  There comes a point in life where the pain and emotions become too much and the human brain in its defense turns everything else to a numb gray haze just to continue to function and cope. It took years perfecting and working to keep her emotions in appropriate tightly locked boxes. For the job, for her mother, for the people who depend on her. Elliot was her partner and best friend, but somewhere down the line he became, well, everything. There was this sense of shame felt every time she allowed a trickle of vulnerability, need, love and longing to spill over. Elliot and all he meant was something she had wrestled with for longer than she can even recall anymore. She often would spend time thinking when and where it all began to unravel. Learning to live with the gaping hole his presence had left, comparing every man to his shadow had become an everyday battle. With each traumatic situation the desperate desire to see him come through the door to save and protect yet again was something she wished she could crush completely. But she had learned to live with it. Having him back, hearing his voice, holding him…. Had become a dream and a nightmare Liv was not prepared to deal with. Seeing him had been like a magnet snapping back to where it’s supposed to be, It was like feeling apart of herself breathe again, a part of herself she forced to become dorment.

Olivia rubbed her hands over her face to ease the dry ache of her eyes and turned on her side while letting out a sigh, longing for some relief from the weight of it all. The range of emotions she didn’t want to feel came in waves, all she wanted was to sleep to escape, but with each wave it left unending hopelessness in its wake as to how to navigate it all, wanting at times to sink into a numb haze instead. She spent her whole existence learning to live with these types of emotions. Seeing the look in her mother’s eyes knowing she was the product of rape. As one of very few females on the job seeing the male cops look at her with distrust and disrespect- having to constantly prove your worth. Coming home to an empty void of a home all thoughts of motherhood and family and connection a far-away dream. Trauma from the job, by this time... well... she had simply stopped counting the numbers of wounds left. Noah… had become the one touchstone, the one rock she could pour herself into. The one truly good thing in her life.

Elliot’s words rang in her head bringing with them questions she didn’t want to ask. He was in an emotional war desperately grasping onto any lifeline and madly pushing away at the same time. She knew and understood the signs.  Watching him navigate this made her flip flop from anger, to frustration, to desperation, to love, to guilt, and then sinking into numbness. While in the same breath realizing the irony in it all. She too was drowning and unsure how to navigate her way out. His letter was clear, there was something he needed to share but in the right moment. What could he share she didn’t know, or did she know? Could she trust him... his emotions, his words? Could she trust he would not push her away, walk away yet again, leaving her with less than she had before?

“I love you…. You mean the world to me….”

Rang over and over, threatening to undo the delicate balance she had created to manage the daily raging war of emotions and thoughts. She kept telling herself all the rationale reasons to keep the inappropriate emotions at bay. Inappropriate was the only word that could summarize the emotions she had shoved to the deepest part of herself, what other word was there for these emotions, for falling in love?  Elliot was her partner, a man who had been married, had a family, a wife who just recently died, a woman Liv loved and respected. She repeated the words over and over willing her rationale mind to win over irrational emotions. Elliot had called 4 times today. She should answer, she should call him, she should talk over what he found in Kathy’s investigation, but she feared if she did the delicate balance she was struggling to hold together would collapse. Was she really that close to the edge, all because of one person?

Knock… knock…

She turned her head to the noise she heard in the other room. Again… Knock…. After determining it was not the neighbors, Noah, or an intruder…  she collapsed into her pillow with a sigh…. Elliot. It took all she had left to walk to the door knowing who she would see on the other end of the peep hole. There he stood, head down, dejected, tired…. With a sigh, she batten-down the hatches within and opened the door.

“Elliot… its 3am…”

“I know…” he shook his head… she could see the motors working in his mind… but the words just fell flat to silence. For a few moments their eyes just did the talking and the communicating.

With a sign she stepped aside and let him in. She pointed to Noah’s room letting Elliot know they needed to remain quiet.  He nodded wordlessly. She stood watching as he paced… back and forth… back and forth… restless, rubbing his hands over his face and head. Olivia closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and walked over, placing a hand on his forearm, blocking his restless movements.

“Elliot… sit… please.”

He looked at her with wild red eyes, hooded in darkness. He nodded. Liv sat on the couch. He sat on the edge of a chair on the other side of the room. His leg moving uncontrollably. For an uncomfortable amount of time there was just silence.

“Look… I know the last thing you want right now is me here. I feel like I keep saying I am sorry, like they are these empty words that don’t mean anything anymore. I keep letting all of you down. I also know you have your own battles Olivia” Elliot’s leg stops moving for a moment as she watched him try to find the words to articulate, trying to detangle the balled-up twine of emotions. She allowed the silence to stretch, allowing him the space and time. 

“I don’t know what to do with all of this Liv, and I don’t even know where to start unpacking this. I keep wanting to do what I have always done, what has always worked.”

At that she spoke… “Has it worked Elliot?” Her voice has a twinge of hardness she didn’t intend, or had she? Maybe the anger she felt was not just his struggle but her own inability to fix herself. 

Again, silence stretched.

He signed deeply…. “No… It hasn’t worked, but it’s what has been easier to manage to prevent from becoming a burden to all of you.”

She spoke again… “Have you managed it, has it been easier for everyone else around you to manage?”

With that she watched his face drop… confused and deflated. His head fell. His leg resumed their restless bounce. 

In that moment she regretted her questions and tone knowing her own struggled had tainted her emotions. She prepared for him to spring up red faced and leave.

“Well, I guess if I was better at this, I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

Olivia shook her head… “Look Elliot, I am sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. I am exhausted. I am here if you need to talk. But you are pushing me away, your kids away, and right now more than anything they need you and you need them. You’re not the only one going through this... this hell.”

Elliot’s hands came up again, rugging his face, wishing… wishing this was easier.  

“You’re right. I don’t know what that means or what I am going to do… but you’re right.”

At this Liv’s face and body poster changed, relaxed. Some things had changed, evolved. 

“You read the letter?”

Liv shook her head… “Elliot, we don’t have to do this right now. There’s….Its not the right…” But the words were just lost.

“Look Liv, your right. The timing is off. It’s always been off. But I think it’s the only way we can move forward. You’re right, I need to make amends with my kids, to Kathy, but if I am to move on from all of this I need to make amends to you as well.”

At that Liv had no arguments left, 3 am or not, right time or not.

“I don’t even know how to start this….. You know the job is the job. It comes with its battles. Talking over things that we saw with Kathy was just never anything I ever considered. I did my job and I came home and dealt with it. I don’t know when it happened but a time came where I just wasn’t... managing anymore. All I wanted was solitude. Over time the connection I had with you Liv, what we went through, was unlike any relationship I had had before.”

Liv shook her head, understanding without needing anything more…

“Let’s face it, it was me shutting down and the repercussions, that caused me to lose my family the first time and I almost lost you. And it’s the same mistake I am making now…”

There was silent reflection for a good minute before he continued.

“When Kathy and I divorced. I failed in my marriage, I failed in caring for my kids who were a wreck, and I was unraveling. My feelings… for you…”

Elliot shook his head, unsure how to fully articulate.

“They went deeper than I really know how to express. I felt it was a weakness. You took up so much of my thoughts, so much of my world. The worry, the care, the guilt, wanting better for you…. I felt I was losing my ability to do the one thing I was good at and that was the job and having your back. I resented you for emotions I didn’t know what to do with. Those feelings then changed into something more, into something different…”

Elliot looked up, to scan Olivia’s brown eyes. She shook her head… the depth of her knowing exactly what he meant… while her brain remained a blank mess.

“Ok…. I loved you Liv. I fell... in love with you.” With that said Elliots heard dropped. “There was a part of me that wanted to reach out, wanted to be honest with you because I felt this shift. I felt like the same battle I was fighting; you were also fighting.”

He paused, letting the heaviness of that sink in. He watched as tears began to brim in those eyes he knew so well. His restlessness ceased, and with a new determination he stood. He sat down gingerly in front of her on the coffee table.

“I knew the implications if we were honest with each other, and all the risks we would be taking. The thought of losing you. I was drowning, as I am now, and I went back to what was comfortable. What was easier. Kathy got pregnant. I knew in that moment what I had done was unfair to her and unfair to you. It was selfish. I went back to my family, but it didn’t stop what I was feeling… from getting harder, harder to compartmentalize, harder to ignore.”  

The tears that had been pooling finally spilled in a steady stream onto Liv’s cheek. In an involuntary response he reached out, and stroked it away. Liv’s eyes widened. He pulled his hand away and lay them back in his lap, looking down at the damp of her tears on the tips of his fingers.

“The job had worn me down, I was scared of ruining… everything Liv… if I stayed. What type of man had I become? I knew there would be a time I would no longer be able to be who I should be to my wife and be who I wanted to be…. For you. So, instead of being honest, I was a coward Liv, I walked away. I justified in my head, I felt if I left it would give you the ability to move on and give me the ability to devote myself fully to my family…. And give me the time to work on becoming a better man, a better dad, a better husband.”

He ranched across the short divide to grab her hand, which were balled tightly together in her lap. She looked down at his outstretched hand, a peace offering. She undid her hands that had become white from the pressure, and rest her own in his. They were ice cold. For a moment they just looked down, at the connection between them. He began gently rubbing the life back into her cold hands. 

Without looking up she said, “If you had been honest with me, even if I told you I felt the same, I would have never allowed you to, I would never expect….”

Liv's head shook adamantly but not knowing how else to articulate her thoughts. 

He looked up, “I know Liv. Unfortunately, I can’t say...” Elliots head hung unsure if he should say what he really felt...”I can't say I would have been strong enough to be that honorable. I knew seeing you, hearing your voice, would knock down any resolve I had left….”

She looked up, realization rolling over her in waves. He loved her, she had not been alone in her slow descending battle of emotions. She shook her head, tears falling this time without stopping. All she had done to survive, all the emotions and battles, all the coping mechanisms, they were being undone.

“Funny thing is, I went to the other side of the world. And The first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing I thought about when I went to bed…. Was you. I loved my wife Liv please hear that, but I also loved you. Both of those loves were so vastly different.”

With that Liv groaned and the tears came stronger, she grasped tightly to his hand. Something in her that felt lost and abandoned desperately needed to hear… every… word… of this.

“Should I reach out, how would you react, had I destroyed everything, If I called would I cave and come home, what if you had been able to move on and I ruined that delicate balance? So, days just turned into years. But…. When I saw you that night Liv. I felt like a missing part of myself was found again. With all of this…. Seeing you again… Losing Kathy… I just don’t know what to do with…” He motioned with his hands… “all of this.”

With that silence filled the room once again. Liv had nothing… no words… nothing to give. His words hurt, they healed, they explained, they gave hope, they were the end of one journey and the beginning of a new one. They sat there, both hands now intertwined in her lap. She lifted his hand to her face, nuzzling into their warmth, and looked deeply into his eyes. She planted a small kiss to the inside of his palm. It’s all she had to give in that moment. He moved closer and stoked her cheek, trying to wipe dry every tear he may have caused, and shook his head. He understood. She had forgotten how easy it could be between them, this silent communication.

“Look, this is a lot.. too much… I don’t know how long this is going to take. I don’t know if I have ruined this. I just hope…. We can maybe start over, start clean. I’d love to get to know Noah. I’d love to get my best friend back. I just need… time.”

In that moment Liv felt lighter than she had in a long time, she shook her ahead again wordlessly.

Elliot’s hand dropped back down to her lap… “Can I stay?” She looked at him unsure. “I’m just… so tired Liv… so tired…” Without hesitation Liv moved over and Elliot crossed to sit on the couch next to her. He laid down allowing his head to rest in her lap. He let out a sigh he didn’t even realize he had been holding. Her arms came up around him, cradling his head.

“You have my word I’ll be gone before Noah wakes up.” She stared down at him, smiling, grateful for his understanding even in her need to protect her son, stroking the hair behind his neck.

“Thank you, now rest.”

In minutes, his beathing became long and even. His body relaxed and the restlessness ceased, the waging war stilled if only for a little while. She looked down taking in words she never thought she would hear. At some point she would have to unpack them, figure out what they meant, but for now, this was enough. They both had a long way to go and a lot of work to do. She leaned her head back to rest on the cushion of the couch, staring again at the white speckled ceiling, looking with new eyes, and soon sleep took over. In the eye of the storm, Silent, peaceful, still.

[stxrrywildflower]

disbanded (1)

pairing - spencer reid x reader

summary - after emily’s death, the still grieving bau team disbands in hopes of the time off doing some emotional healing. however, for you and spencer, strauss recruits you for your own individual team almost immediately. months later, after new case details are discovered, you and spencer are forced to call in your old team for assistance

warnings - case details, angst

series masterlist

seven months.

seven months had gone by and the team had barely heard anything from you or spencer.

there were occasional texts, letters, and phone calls. the messages were always brief, never lasting more than a few sentences or minutes.

j.j. returned to the bau around three months in. she was changed, everyone noticed that. the blonde agent put on a facade, masking any signs of trauma or difference.

the only crack in her foundation was when she saw the practically empty desk. it came as a suprise to see desks normal covered in pictures and other items now almost cleared. the only reminder of your presence was both of your name plates remaining.

everyone felt a toll with what was going on. they were missing three out of eight team members. sure, they weren’t working active cases, but just having everyone around made a difference.

hotch was the leader. the alpha-male. he kept everyone in line while providing the support and care any member of his team needed at all times. though his leadership in the middle east was more then successful, they missed having the role model to look up to.

spencer was the kid. the boy genius. his intelligence was more than impressive, though he often used it as a shields. his facts, while sometimes unneeded, provided the final piece of a profile to catch the unsub. the team never knew they could miss his rambling more.

you were the glue. the one that kept the team together. though your presence was still fairly new in comparison to others, your witty remarks and overal care for everyone acted as a backbone. your relationship with spencer was almost model worthy, something everyone wanted to look up. you changed spencer in the best way possible.

they knew where hotch had gone. but for you and spencer, no one had any clue. when j.j hunted down and questioned anderson, the man had very obviously lied about not knowing before leaving to go back to work.

eventually they stopped asking.

four months later, hotch returned. his return back was less then minimal, being greeted with smiles, hugs, and even the stray comment about the beard. the reunion was short lived as hotch had requested them all to meet in the conference room.

curious and concerned gazes were thrown back and forth. no one voiced their confusion, choosing to obey the orders of their leader and take seats for the first time in seven months around the round table.

“we’ve been called in,” the unit chief started.

✦✧✦✧

across the country, you threw your head back in annoyance with the case. spencer leaned against the table, one arm crossed across his body while the other ran over his lip.

the recent case was becoming increasingly difficult. a series of robbery homicides involving a team of seven different members was terrorizing the city of los angeles.

you had successfully identified four members though the other three were a mystery. there were many facts pointing to the possibility of involvement in organized crime. one wrong move in your investigation and a lot more could go wrong.

three days and no solid leads.

usually you and spencer were wrapping up other cases by now. instead, you were sitting in one of the rooms at the los angeles police department reviewing the profile over and over. spencer, on the other hand, was going though every report you had on the unsubs, desperate to find something that could like them all together to give you a clue.

what didn’t help was the heat. the summer heat was hitting the city hard, you and spencer shedding your suit jackets as a result.

“have you checked prison records?” you asked, looking at the board in front of you.

“yes, absolutely no connections there.”

you huffed. you weren’t getting anywhere despite having a near perfect profile and organized board showing a whole crime family tree.

“we need to call in some extra help,” you finally admitted.

“y/n,” spencer started. “i don’t think we really need them. i mean we work perfectly fine on our own. we’re pretty much the new rossi and gideon.”

“look, i don’t really want to see them either. but if we don’t figure out something soon, more people are going to die. a fresh set of eyes could do us good,” you replied.

spencer fiddled with collar of his shirt, a nervous habit he had picked up a few months ago. it was a telltale of his growing concern or anxiety over a situation.

you sat down beside the genius, resting your hand on top of his. “hey, it’s one case. after this we’re back solving cases on our own. does that sound okay?”

“i’ll go make the call.”

✦✧✦✧

“why do they need us? we don’t even have a full team,” morgan was already protesting after the very minimal briefing.

“because y/n and reid requested our help,” hotch answewd.

j.j. most notability flinched at the mention of your names. “what do you mean they need out help? i haven’t really heard from them in months,” j.j. pipped in.

hotch sighed. “back when we split up, strauss inquired y/n and reid to continue doing our job, traveling and all. i was only aware of it because technically i’m still their boss. it’s a lot more intense then when we were traveling, hence their absence. but their success is incredibly high. i don’t have the exact number but it’s around sixty-three cases solved in seven months. of that, five or less have ended in having to shoot the unsub.”

rossi let our a low whistle at that. “have either of them been hurt at all?”

“a few minor injuries but none involving hospitalization

the unit chief looked around at his team, all displaying very conflicted emotions.

“we’ll leave here at five tomorrow morning. be prepared for a long case.”

the team arrived the following morning, heading up to the second floor of the police department at promptly nine am. everyone was slightly jet lagged, time zones the direct cause of that.

just seconds after they had arrived, who they presumed was the police chief headed over on their direction, already extending a hand to shake.

“i’m detective henderson. the other two agents on the case apologize for the absence and should be back soon. one of the family members requested to see him,” the police chief introduced. “but you can all set up in here.”

the team followed the chief through the office and into the usual conference room they were offered. no one failed to take note of the other room occupied, a familiar messanger bag resting on the table.

“and here we are. there’s information posted on the board but i’m sure the agents will explain it when they arrive. please feel free to come to me with any questions.”

hotch was the one to thank the chief. “alright let’s sit down and go over the files. we didn’t have a lot to go off of back at quantico but there’s a ton here.”

it couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes that they waiting, using that time to run through theories about the identified unsubs and ways to find the missing three.

the room seemed to stop, all eyes going towards the elevator.

the team stood up all at once, already suspecting who was about to walk in. their suspicions were proven to be correct as you and spencer stepped out, eyes looking straight ahead.

to put it simply, you two looked and acted different.

seemingly small things for outsiders but things that meant everything for the team had changed.

handshakes replaced hugs. nods replaced smiles. iced coffee replaced hot. even spencer’s revolver he used since the ldsk case was replaced with a glock 19.

since when did spencer drink red bull?

even your style of clothing altered. spencer’s dress pants and sweaters were swapped out for one-piece suits, tie and all. your blouse and dress pants changed into suits, having matching patterned tight pants and blazers, heels to top it off. your outfits both looked ten times more formal.

“agent hotchner,” you greeted, extending your hand.

it was obvious hotch, as well as the rest of the team, was taken back by your words and presence. the last time anyone close to hotch refer to him as ‘agent hotchner’ was when they first met him. he was always very clear about preferring the abbreviated version of his last name.

spencer was the exact same as you, his discomfort with shaking hands seemingly vanished. it pained morgan that he couldn’t reach out and hug the man he considered to be his little brother.

“i apologize for us not being here when you arrived, i know from experience that it’s a long flight. the board in your room has all the information we’ve collected. there’s a timeline, victim list, crime scene photos, and then a family tree. we also have transcripts which can be sent to your tablets. other than that, the case details are in the file folders and you’re good to go,” you explained.

“y/n,” hotch called, stopping both you and spencer from walking away.

“before you ask, i really think we need to focus on this case before discussing transfers. don’t you think so?”

☆ ☆ ☆

tags - @tinylumpiaa @rumplebutterbitch @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @the-quarantine-diaries @ah-blossom @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @aperrywilliams @kissessforharryyy @garcias-batcave @reidswords @etherealgubler @spenceneedsahug @jjandreidsgirl @zoseph @emilouu @mortallythoughtfulgurl @alexxcorona113 @swiftspaperings @gia-kerks @mggstyles

[sigyn-obsessed]

Reunion

The town was quiet. It was something Sigyn loved about it. People lightly talked in the market, negotiating prices. The shutters brushed against the windows as the breeze blew gently. It was warm out, the sun blazing down, warming them all. The grass swaying, tickling your bare feet.

She truly enjoyed the town. It was the fresh start she needed. When she was young, people would give her the look of pity that said, ‘I’m so sorry your mother left. So tragic.’ The glares some of the soldiers would give her when mention of her father was brought up. The people who believed she was some poor, fragile little girl who never had a constant in her life. It wasn’t what Sigyn wanted anymore.

It didn’t help that the place she grew up in no longer existed anymore, thanks to the All-Father’s estranged daughter. Sigyn couldn’t say she was particularly upset when she found out. It hadn’t been her home in a long time. She was just glad everyone was okay, and offered her healing services if they ever needed it. Sigyn wondered if her mother got out, but the care disappeared when she thought of her mother’s last words to her.

“I hope you burn in Hel for what you did.” Sigyn hadn’t taken the comment personally for a very long time. She knew her mother would be there too, so they could argue then. Right now, she had better things to worry about.

She sat cross legged, the light green floral dress balled up near her ankles. Her long curly blonde hair was pulled back in a bun, keeping it out of her way as she cheered on her boys.

Hey boys. Her sons. The two best things that ever happened to her. They were almost five, which struck her. Had it been five years already? Some days it felt like a hundred years, other days it felt like yesterday. They hadn’t been in Vanaheim too long, but it was enough to have it feel like a home. If they were in Asgard she very much wouldn’t feel like this.

“Mama look what I found.” Yelled Narvi, his blonde curls stuck to his forehead. His small hands cupped a baby snake, casually slithering around his hand. Vali, his younger brother and twin, was staring with stars in his eyes at the little creature. It was likely a garter snake, they appeared quite frequently. They weren’t dangerous, the boys were just curious.

Sigyn snapped out of her thoughts at the little boys pushing the animal near her face.

“Wow! He is pretty isn’t he?” She suggested, gently tracing down it’s back. It was a beautiful emerald green, with little black and gold marks. It warmed Sigyn’s heart. It reminded her of good times. Before everything bad happened.

“Mama you aren’t afraid of snakes?” Vali muttered. He had seen his mother shriek at spiders and centipedes in their home. Surely she would be afraid of snakes.

“Actually boys, I really love snakes. I encountered some pretty cool snakes in my time.” Sigyn gently laid the snake down, watching it slither through the grass as the boys sat next to her, one on each side. Her fingers instinctively ran through their hair, pushing the sweaty strands off their forehead. Vali’s hair was much darker, with a bit of curl. They looked so much like him in their own special ways.

“Mama are you okay?” Whispered Narvi, staring intently at her. She knew they both had magic, and knew they were likely able to tell the changes in hers. She was known as an incantation fetter. Magic was bound to her in everything she did. Her decisions, her relationships, her emotions. She had to keep everything in check.

“I’m okay honey. Just thinking too much. How about we have lunch? I’ll grab some fruit and we’ll bring it outside and eat okay.” The boys excitedly nodded as they rushed towards the back door, barging in. Sigyn took a deep breath, trying to gather herself.

Before she knew it Vali arrived with an old blanket they had on their couch and laid it out while Narvi had grabbed a pitcher of juice. Sigyn came back with some fruit they had thrown together as they all ate together. Everything was silent except for the silent munching. The sun stayed strong, blaring down hard. Sigyn had adjusted them into the shade, knowing the boys overheated easily. They tended to get sunburnt easily as well. She had experimented with many lotions to perfect the salve.

After they had finished, she gently tidied up, the boys going back to their play, exploring the small bushes that lined the back of their house, making sure not to disturb the garden Sigyn spent most of her free time on, when she wasn’t working in the town’s healing ward. The boys attended regular classes, teaching the boys essentials and basic necessities. The boys were extremely intelligent, and were reading and writing on their own already. Their bedroom had a large bookcase that was getting more full everyday. If you asked Vali what he wanted, he would likely say some type of book. Narvi was a bit more adventurous, probably asking for a weapon that was too dangerous for him.

Sigyn didn’t realize that the boys had rushed in, tapping her quickly.

“Mama, someone was outside.” Sigyn's heart dropped. Has someone found them? Sigyn ushered the boys to the living area, telling them to stay there and under no circumstances to leave. She walked outside, peering around at the trees and bushes. The house wasn’t in the town, and was at least a mile away from the closest house. Sigyn felt her hands radiating, magic flowing, tensing just in case she saw something and needed to react. It wasn’t bad that she had a dagger as well to summon. Her breathing hitched, wincing when she turned a corner, ready for something to be there.

She saw a figure, their back turned to her. They were dressed in simple clothes, dark pants and a tunic with tall boots. She was afraid to stride closer, in worry that she would surprise them and they would react as a threat.

“Who are you?” She questioned, her dagger summoned, gripped in her hand until her knuckles were white. She was breathing fast, her mind worrying that someone she had previously wronged may have found her. She hadn’t wronged many, but they had friends.

They didn't turn around, instead she saw them tense. She drew closer, still wielding her dagger. “I asked a question, now answer; who are you?” She demanded.

The figure began to turn but stopped, instead placing their hands out, to show they weren’t armed. It was a swift movement, but it wasn’t enough for Sigyn. She moved closer, the dagger now held by her side. She was close enough to touch them, but she stopped. The feeling was too familiar.

The dark hair that reached their shoulders, the pale skin on their hands.

“Turn around, slowly.” She demanded, and saw their body begin to move. She was hit with familiarity as she recognized the stranger’s face.

Loki?

She met his eyes first, the light emerald she had always loved. She felt her hands drop, the dagger falling flat into the dirt. Shock coursed through her. He was dead. She knew it. Thanos had snapped his neck five years ago. She remembered the day distinctly.

Three weeks later she found out she was pregnant with the twins.

She swallowed, her throat dry, and her mouth unable to form a word. She didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? So much. Too much.

She saw his eyes follow her form, looking her over. She wondered if he recognized her, since both were still in silence. This wasn’t real. He wasn’t real.

She reached out, clasping his chest, feeling the heartbeat underneath. Her eyes flooded, heating her face as they fell. She felt him move closer before she grasped onto him, tightly hugging him. She felt his arms wrap around, almost desperately, unlike he had ever before. She was holding so tightly, feeling his hand grasped in her golden hair. She didn’t want to pull away, for worry that he would just disappear. He pulled back, looking into the blue that had made him feel safe such a time ago.

Her hands wandered to his face, rubbing the tears from his eyes. It felt like before, when they were young and nothing had happened. Like the trauma, and pain, and tragedy hadn’t hit. She pulled him close again, her hands running through his hair. It was longer than ever before. She was so used to his short hair, and how it slightly used to curl and how he hated it. Sigyn would plead with him to leave it alone. She had always loved his curls.

As they pulled back, his hands found hers, gently stroking them. Both were too in shock to say anything.

“Sigyn?” She heard him whisper. All she could do was nod. They stood alone.

“Is this really happening?” She saw him nod his head. Reason didn’t matter anymore. He was here. After all this time he was here. Was he really here? “Is this a trick? Because I miss you and my emotions are messing with me?”

He brushed the hair out of her eyes before closing the space between them. There was no desperation anymore. It wasn’t hard or brash, it was soft and calm, something she hadn’t felt for some time.

“It’s real Sig. It’s not a trick. I’m here.” Sigyn hadn’t felt this happy for some time. Probably since her sons were born.

“Come in.” She led him towards the doors, ushering him inside, where he sat at the small table in the kitchen. She began fixing him a cup of tea. She walked over, gently rubbing his back, scared to finish the conversation.

“Lo, we need to ta-”

“Mama, is everything okay?” Sigyn paused, looking at the two little boys standing in the doorway, confused at the stranger sitting at the table. Loki looked over, his expression hard to read. Everything stopped.

“Everything is okay babies.” Narvi moved towards her, Vali followed closely behind. They hid behind her, looking over at the strange man. It took Loki a second to process the two little boys. They were small, smaller than the average child their age. How old are they? Their face shape was similar, but one had dark black hair and the other golden blonde. It slightly reminded him of Thor and him as a child, but somehow this felt different. The boys held onto each other, staring wearily at him. Sigyn knelt down to them, gently grasping their shoulders.

“Boys, can you please go into the living room? I’m fine, I promise. I just need a moment.” She saw the boys linger, Vali’s small fingers playing with her dress. She saw Narvi receive the signal, and gently took Vali’s hand, leading him towards the living room through the door. Sigyn felt herself sigh. She had played this moment in her mind so many times, the boys meeting their father. It never went this way. Nothing ever went according to plan for them though.

“Loki, before-”

“Who are they?” Sigyn closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. She took a seat at the chair across from him.

“They’re my sons.” She muttered. She read his face, seeing shock. Before she could say anything else she heard him.

“I guess you have a type.” Sigyn stopped, shocked. He read the confusion on her face.

“Their dark hair, pale skin. I always knew you liked men with dark features.” Sigyn sighed, feeling the pent up magic crawling to the surface.

“I always knew you liked to lie, but I never thought you couldn’t tell when others lied.” There was silence between them. “A few weeks after Thanos, I found out.”

“You moved on fast.” Sigyn couldn’t hide it anymore. He was doing this to anger her, to get a rise out of her.

“Are you serious? Loki, I lost the only person I ever loved, that I ever felt loved by. The man that I married and had planned a future with but no! He had to go after the strongest creature in the world with a puny dagger!” She felt her voice crack. She thought the mourning had ended a long time ago, but it had all been brought back. She wiped her eyes, hoping the boys didn’t hear the yelling. They would be worried. They were protective of her, even though they were so little. She was the only thing they had besides each other. Sigyn read the silence and continued.

“Do you remember when we were first married? We went to the turning of the season festival in the outskirts of Asgard? We talked about having kids when the little boys came up to us and you were so good with them. Do you remember the names you adored?”

There was silence for a second and Sigyn was about to interject when she heard him whisper. “Narvi and Vali. We never came up with a name for a girl because we both believed we would never have one. You always joked that there were too many women in your family for another.”

“Their names are Narvi and Vali. After the names their father chose.” It was quiet when she heard the pieces click together. She turned her head, looking into the living room, noticing the boys on the floor playing with some small blocks her father had made them. When their powers acted up they were freeze-proof so they could never be broken.

She felt his presence behind her, a hand on the low of her back.

“They’re mine?” She felt a cry come out before turning around.

“Of course they’re yours. I found out I was pregnant three weeks after Thanos defeated the Avengers. I came to Vanaheim when I heard my family had relocated here after Asgard’s fall.”

“Do they know-”

“They know who their father is. I’ve told them stories about you to them when they ask. I told them that even though you didn’t know them, you loved them. I told them stories about when we were courting, and that you had done bad things because of a bad man. That they were jotun. They know everything and it never changed anything.” She gently rubbed his cheek. “They love you the same no matter what. They aren’t Thor and you. They are your sons and they deserve to meet their father.” She saw him nod before she walked into the living room, watching the boys play, but it seemed wrong. The way they were playing was almost robotic? Sigyn sighed before muttering how much they were like their father. She quickly walked into the kitchen before taking a deep breath, Loki watching her.

“Boys, I know that you aren’t in the living room. Please show yourself. I’m not going to be mad.” Sigyn felt a shift in magic and looked in the corner to find the two boys crouched, listening in on the conversation. Sigyn sighed as she walked over to the boys.

“I assume you heard what we were talking about.” Muttered Sigyn as she knelt down to their level. The boys nodded as she thought of what to say next, but they beat her to it.

“So papa’s okay?” Sigyn stopped and looked at Vali, shocked he had made the first comment. He was a generally quiet kid, and really only opened up to Narvi and Sigyn. Having Loki just a few feet away made Sigyn think he would be hidden and drawn away.

“Yeah, papa’s okay.” Sigyn brushed the hair out of Vali’s eyes. It was getting almost as long as his father’s.

“So that’s our papa?” Questioned Narvi, looking over at Loki from the corner of his eye. It caught Loki off guard, seeing his eyes on such a small little being. It made him swell with immense pride he didn’t know he had. It made him think of his mother. Sigyn nodded and gestured to Loki to take the reins. The boys moved slowly towards him, and Loki knelt down to look the boys in the eyes. He saw Vali tilt his head a bit.

“You look like me.” Loki smirked, and was almost unsure whether to touch them. He was afraid. Here they were, years later, and he was a stranger to his own children. It made him feel guilty. Truly, he had been searching for Sigyn for years, but the fact that she had been raising two boys alone made his guilt rise.

“You don’t look like me.” Narvi muttered. “Mama says I act like you though.”

Loki laughed. He had remembered his mother made a comment when he was young, warning him that he would be in trouble if he had a child that behaved like him. He was sure it was to encourage him not to misbehave. He felt his mother probably smiling and the fact that there were two made him smirk even more. It took a second for them to approach him, and it was seconds later that he was hugging them, holding onto them tight, never letting them go again. What was stranger though was that the boys were holding on tight, like they had saved it up for him.

“I love you two so much.” He whispered, afraid to let go of them, that they may disappear or be taken away, his hands running through their hair, Narvi’s light blonde and Vali’s pitch black. Looking at them you couldn’t tell they were twins.

“They’ve been saving this for you.” Muttered Sigyn, rubbing his shoulder as he sat the boys on his knee, giving each a kiss on the forehead. Sigyn rubbed Loki’s back as she looked up intently at him.

“I promise you all, I am never leaving again. I promise you three.” He pressed his forehead against Sigyn’s, holding onto them tightly. Nothing would take them away. Not now, not ever. He had fought to see her again. He traveled across the galaxy to look into Sigyn’s comforting eyes, and nothing would take that away. He had two beautiful children whom he had missed out on. He wouldn’t be Odin. Never. He would be there for them through anything. He was going to be not a father, but a dad. Someone who cared for them and looked out for them and played with them.

Loki was a dad, and he had never felt happier.

[remmushound]

Beyond the Bay chapter 6: Mirror Images

“It’s happening again.”

Raphael was quick to Donatello’s side, glancing over the handheld panel as it started to flash and beep a long, jarring warning that didn't let up no matter how many buttons Donatello pressed. The noise was only becoming louder, making the other three brothers rush to cover their ears to hopefully spare their hearing from the pressure of the echoing alarm.

“We get it! Turn it off, Don!” Leonardo growled, but his voice was barely heard.

“Working on it!” Donatello said, and he was, yet still the device refused to listen. It started to spark and the top of it erupted in flames while Donatello just kept repeating, “No no no no no no no—“

Raphael had enough. He grabbed the device from Donatello and shoved it in his mouth, chewing up the hard metal and jolting wires before swallowing the painful mouthful.

“There. All quiet.” Raphael breathed a sigh of relief. “No more noise.”

Donatello blinked slowly. “It took me three months to make that…”

“And it took me three seconds to eat it, so clearly it needs to be stronger.” Raphael said, clearing his throat by pounding his chest.

A vein visibly twitched on Donatello as the younger turtle seethed; Leonardo could almost see steam coming out of the softshell’s ears! Donatello took a deep breath in, standing up a little straighter and closing his eyes before brushing past the situation quickly.

“Fine. That’s fine. Everything’s fine. I can just build another one.”

“Did you happen to see where the signal was before Raph got hungry?” Leonardo asked, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I saw where the signals were.” At the confused looks he got, Donatello explained further. “It was picking up five different signals, which we could have followed individually if someone hadn’t have eaten the tech!”

Raphael burped. “Oops.”

“You know what? No, it’s fine.” Leonardo shook his head, “We have a few hours before daybreak, we can go check it out and find our world hoppers. Suit up.”

“You’re lucky I have photographic memory…” Donatello grumbled.

At Leonardo’s word, everyone started to reassemble their weapons, hiding shurikens in their pockets and dawning their usual protective gear and various trinkets; Michelangelo had taken to emulating his bigger counterpart, though the chains he wore were much smaller and the sunglasses had the lenses popped out so he could see better. Donatello, as usual, stacked on as much tech as he could feasibly carry without struggle, and Leonardo made a point of tying his uneven mask tails into what could resemble a chonmage.

Raphael was glad he hadn’t gotten comfortable enough to take off his prosthetic shell; though he had grown used to the heavy titanium, polishing it to sheen nightly and sharpening the spikes to dangerous points, putting it on was always a task and a half. He patted his waist to make sure his most special trinket was still there, and it was. They were ready and were already on the move within minutes.

***

Swears melted off of Raph’s tongue like butter on a hot pan. The fall hadn’t hurt, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable with all this debris collapsed on top of him! He was able to lift the wood with ease once he had gained full control over his tingling body, every plank he moved releasing a new cloud of dust. He brushed what remained of the pigeon coop off and was finally able to stand up. Raph coughed and rubbed his eyes against the sting of irritation, gathering saliva up in his mouth so he could spit and try to remove the bitter taste of dirt; it helped, somewhat.

“Great.” Raph muttered, looking around, “Where am I now?”

“Raph.” A familiar, urgent voice called out to him, “Raph!”

“Leo?” Raph looked around until his eyes settled on Leo the next building over, peering over a parapet. When Leo saw Raph had spotted him, he waved his brother over. Raph shook off what remained of the dust and was able to clear the gap between the buildings with ease. “You see Mike or Don anywhere?”

“No.” Leo shook his head. “Have you?”

“No, that’s why I’m asking you.” Raph snapped, and then rubbed his head with a frustrated snort.

Leo took a slow, loud breath and cupped his hands over his face. Then he quickly puffed the breath out and said, “It’s gonna be fine Raph; we’ll find em. Remember when the smaller us’s first came to our world? They— they were all scattered around the city. The same thing probably happened to us, right? Shouldn’t be too hard to find them.”

“Valid hypothesis.”

Raph shouted, immediately grabbing for his sai as he fell back. Leonardo began to snicker as he joined Donatello at the front of the group; Donatello was smirking at successfully scaring the larger box turtle.

“Don’t do that!” Raph snarled, and then started to laugh weakly. “I coulda tossed your ass like salad.”

“I’d like to see you try, big-buff-bimbo.”

Raph almost choked. “What’d you just call me, eyebrows?”

“Do not insult the eyebrows!”

“So y'all finally came to visit huh?” Raphael beamed. He shoved his way through Donatello and Leonardo so he could take point.

Leo and Raph had to pause a moment to fully take in the form of Raphael; it seemed every time they met up, the snapper only got bigger and bigger! Now his size would have certainly surpassed even the height of Donnie, and in musculature he was very similar to Raph, though with a much broader head and beak. The wounds he had suffered on the day they first met had long since healed, a long silver slash across Raphael’s eye and jaw; that side of his maw never seemed to fully close anymore, and every so often his tongue would slip out or he would have to wipe away excess saliva.

Michelangelo had hardly changed at all, except for getting taller, which now demoted Leonardo to being the shortest brother. His face was still plump with baby fat, his shell still decorated with stickers and paint that covered up a plethora of scars and cracks, both new and old. Donatello hadn’t changed much either; a little taller, a little bulkier, and with more tech littering his body.

Leo sucked in a sharp, sudden breath when he saw Leonardo. It was clear that Leonardo, though his face was still bright and eyes glinting with mischief, had gone through some great trauma within the past year; cut across his chest were three very distinct slash marks, deeper and much worse at the bridge of his plastron where the damage was so severe that it showed the flesh beneath that would have usually been hidden by shell. The worst of the gash wasn't very extensive, quickly thinning and leading inward to Leonardo’s belly before fading away into lightning-like cracks across the upper plastron. His arm was covered in similar graying scars that ripped across the muscles, his hand tucked against his chest like it still needed to be cradled in a cast.

“HUGS!” Michelangelo jumped across gap and into Raph’s arms, giving a series of excited clicks as Raph naturally fell to cradling the smaller box turtle.

“How you doing, little man?” Raph laughed, rubbing Michelangelo’s head, “Lovin’ the bling!”

Michelangelo smiled proudly, puffing out his chest to better show the golden chain. The rest of his brothers covered the distance, Raphael laughing as he pulled Raph into a tight hug, both of them making a show of squeezing the other as strongly as possible.

“Leo.” Leo said to Leonardo with a bow of his head.

“Leo~” Leonardo repeated with a smirk, returning the bow. “So you guys visiting?”

“Not exactly.” Leo went on to explain. “Guess me and Raph just got spit out at the same place.”

“Right.” Raphael took a deep breath as he nodded, “Right. We can— we can handle this, right team?”

Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo gave a shout of agreement.

“Right. Donnie, you remember where those other signals were?”

Donatello nodded and tapped his head. “Got ‘em all up here.” With that, Donatello led the way while the rest of the assorted turtles followed quickly.

“Hey big guy!” Raph said as he kept a steady pace with the snapping turtle. “Didn't get a chance to ask you last time, but what’s up with the fundo?”

Raph motioned to the golden and orange trinket that Raphael had weeded through his belt. Raphael looked down at it, then back up at Raph with a wide, toothy smile.

“It’s a yo-yo actually. Mike gave it to me! Said I had something of Donnie’s…” Raphael pointed back at the metal part of his shell, “Something of Leo’s…” He motioned to the scar over his eye that somewhat resembled Leonardo’s markings, “Just needed something of Mikey’s to complete the set.”

Raph found himself grinning ear to ear. “That’s great.”

The whole journey, Leo couldn’t stop staring at Leonardo and the new scars that his younger self had suffered during the period of no contact between their worlds. Leonardo was acutely aware of the stare but made no point of showing it; of course Leo would stare! Who wouldn’t stare at such a handsome stud of a mutant? Leonardo smirked at his own inner compliment and laughed which, to anyone outside of his own head, might have made him seem insane.

Donatello brought them first to an alleyway, strewn with trash and cast completely into darkness with nothing but shadows around them. Then one of the shadows melted and moved, and Donnie made himself known. After a quick reunion with his brothers as well as a meet and greet with the other turtles, they were on the move again.

They found Splinter hiding out in a storm drain just below the streets; the old rat was overjoyed to see his sons and he greeted the younger turtles with just as much sincere love. Gentle paws stroked and soothed and greeted before they were once more on the search seeking the final missing turtle.

@brightlotusmoon @selfindulgenz @digitl-art-monstr

[mirangutang]

Zup Gendrya fam, love ya. I just realised (a big part of) why Gendrya s8 bothers the f***ck out of me. Maybe this is old news to you, but I just gotta rant some. Because what is up with the flirty conversation right from the fucking start of their reunion??? The last time they saw eachother Gendry was ripped from Arya after also having rejected her. So from Arya’s side, who was heartbroken from (probably) having had a crush on this dude and also having gone through a lot of emotional trauma, there should have been a lot of warming up to do.

I think her cold response to Gendry’s “you look good” was on point (because even if she said “you too”, she was like a rock) but then, a few seconds later she’s smiling and flirting and twirling???? Like wtf was that. I wanted the angst and the cold Arya, eventually melting around him. This was just so sudden and unrealistic. Their relationship was so not ready for a flirty banter at that time.

I feel like Gendry was written oddly as well. Idk about you guys but I never saw Gendry as in love with Arya back in s3. Maybe in the books, but not the show. ShowGendry was best friends with Arya, who had a crush on him. So I wanted him to slowly realise that he loved her as more than a friend in s8. Instead we get flirty lines from him off the bat “is that a command lady stark?” “I always knew you were just another rich girl.”, like wtf?? Where is the realisation that Arya is smoking and he wants to do her? And even if he realised it as soon as he saw her again, where is the transition period between friends to lovers??

The bottom line is WHERE THE F*CK is their history? We left them back in s3 and want that relationship continued thank you very much. Not some weird ass flirting out of nowhere, when it should have been developed naturally as their relationship progressed. But instead it was like “YEAH THEY ARE ROMANTIC NOW”, and I was happy at the time because fuck yeah gendrya but their relationship wasn’t given time to progress which made Arya’s rejection to Gendry’s proposal seem natural, since her character at that time wasn’t ready to connect with him, or anyone like that, but it was also very unnatural seeing as how beautiful and fulfilling their character arcs would be if that union happened.

Gendry never had a family, Arya lost hers and them building a family together would be a new beginning for them both where they both could heal from their grief, of having lost family and never having been part of a family at all.

Which was why their ending in s8 made total sense but it also completely and utterly did not make sense at all.

Thnx for reading, luv ya

[gelatoromantorchwickneopolitan]

Okay, Roman’s on the island. How do you want things to play out?

Arrrrrgh, I've been constantly thinking about this during the last two days, but still hasn’t been able to come up with a coherent plot! (Actually 99% of the things I come up with start with Roman discovering RWBY+J there and starting make fun of them in the meanest way possible like a bastard he is) Surely, I want Neo somehow to be the first one who discovers Roman is there even before she stumbles upon other 5 people stuck on the island, because I think if she encounters someone from RWBY+J first that would lead to the meaningless fight. I want to see their REACTIONS - both Neo’s and Roman’s - after seeing each other again! Maybe disbelieve and confusion overcomes them at first... but I ALSO WANT THEM TO FEEL THE WAVE OF INSANE HAPPINESS WASHING THEIR HEARTS ONCE THEY MAKE EYE CONTACT! I want to see Neo STARTING CRYING WHEN SHE REALIZES SHE CAN’T HUG HIM CAUSE HE’S NOT FLESHY ANYMORE ( (╥﹏╥) I want them to reminiscence about what they went through in the past (maybe... with flashbacks... pleeeease... okay, I think we’ll never get flashbacks of them being together-together but no one can forbid me dreaming). I want them to talk about everything that happened during the Fall of Beacon! I want Roman to tell her about how he really died, tell her that Griffon ate him cause he was stupid enough to stay outside the ship in the area full of Grimm overcome with grief and anger trying to cane Ruby to death cause he thought Ruby killed Neo by sending her in the flight through the sky crawling with monsters!!! I want Neo to tell him about what she did after his death, about her revenge quest, targeting Cinder, then teaming up with her and trying to target Ruby, and also snivel to him about how unfairly Cinder treated her (like... there were moments when she looked genuinely hurt... Idk did she really expect Roman-like kind of behaviour from Cinder or what that meant, but she certainly needs a shoulder to cry on about this). I want Neo with the help of Roman to finally realize that all this time she has been of the path to self-destruction, and if she proceeded she’d certainly waste her live in vain (heck, this is exactly the reason why Roman got himself killed in the first place). Roman surely doesn’t want Neo to get involved with Salem and her doomsday cult anymore - including fighting against her. He’ll probably beg her to stay behind all this shit that’s going on in the world. (Though... is there is a place on Remnant truly safe from Salem). He’ll earnestly ask her to move on from his death and start a new life despite how painful this process is. To finally dissociate her sense of self from him. To find out who she is without him, because before she was limiting herself in a lot of aspects just to stay with him (and after his death we’ve seen she’s much more capable and skillful in a tremendous amounts of things than Roman was). “This is just a part of you... don’t forget about the rest.” Sure, there were only two of them against the world before, but now things changed, and she’ll need to create her own life without him step by step. And Roman would wish her to live a long life making crimes on the run. “Don't be afraid! Get up, get going, A step everyday, I'll meet you there” Maybe he’d advice her to try to establish meaningful relationships with other people in future to heal from emotional trauma (platonic I mean. I can’t imagine her getting once more in the romantic relationship ever. especially with someone from the cast. and ESPECIALLY with someone of main characters age - from the first moment I saw her I knew she’s much older then they are. besides, that soulmate thingy really owns my brain.) And Roman’d assure Neo that in the end of her life path he would be waiting for her here... in the afterlife... (Fuck. I’m crying. I’m gonna get up and make a break.)

Okay, I’ve returned. How would this affect her interactions with Ruby and co? I don’t think that we’ll see Neo’s redemption arc in the upcoming short volume. They can’t still be arch enemies since they’ll need to cooperate somehow in that place to find the way out (and maybe there is some danger there, the gods don’t seem to be super cool and kind guys to leave people in a totally safe place after death lol), but I don’t anticipate them to become best friends and go fight Salem and Cinder together. I always viewed Roman and Neo’s nature as exclusively self-serving (with the only exception they made is for each other). That’s why I can’t see Ruby and co talking her in their team as a fellow illusionist aside Emerald. I can see Neo joining their team only to spoil Cinder’s life - but that would mean she learned nothing from conversation with Roman, and that’s not what I want. Well, maybe, CRWBY has some brilliant plan for executing her redemption and incorporating her in the plot of Volume 10 and all the upcoming volumes (they never cease to amaze be), but at least for now I highly doubt that would happen. Neo was a last minute addition to the Atlas arc, and I was pleasantly surprised to see animation making sucha  big focus on Neo’s emotional reactions in this volume. That means we can fairly suspect her moving in a phase of self-discovery in Volume 9. But I also have a feeling that we are getting near to the end of her story in the show. 

But... Neo and RWBY+J just parting ways after getting out of that place? Sounds more likely to me that her joining the forces of good. But sounds very dumb from the point of narration, yeah... So, we’re coming to the other idea - Neo staying in the Underworld with Roman while someone who was already dead (for example, Pyrrha) comes back to Remnant. I’ve already discussed this topic with @queeniebedeart and admitted how pointless that would make all progress in the character development she might make while talking with Roman and would reverse the important gains on the front of reconstructing the self-identity. Queenie suggested her view on how CRWBY can combine the plot of Neo developing the sense of self and the plot of Neo staying in the realm of the dead with Roman to help RWBY+J. Well... if they really find a way to merge all of this together without ruining already pre-established in the show idea of the importance of moving on after the death of the loved ones... I would be HAPPY to no end, cause my brain just can’t get rid of the mental image of Neo and Roman waving from the beach to the heroes who are returning back to Remnant. 

Honestly, I want only one thing: Neo reuniting with the real Roman’s soul. Not some kind of illusion or mind trickery which makes everyone see what they desire to see (Roman in Neo’s case). Pleeeeeaaase, nooooooo, my heart won’t take it if that actually happens. ╥ω╥

Gelato reunion. Even for a couple of minutes. That's all I'm asking for.

[tiamat-zx]

Beau/Yasha: A Story of Sapphic Sentinels

Beauregard Lionett. Yasha Nydoorin. Two broken hearts trying to hold the pieces together so tightly that they can’t afford to let their guards down. And then they first meet in Trostenwald, and from there we have a rather complex progression into their relationship.

Whether it may end in them becoming each other’s Second Loves, or just very tight platonic friends who don’t mind occasional flirtation on the side, or perhaps something else entirely, that’s still nowhere close to being determined yet. That said, I’d like to offer my own introspective on their relationship thus far. It’s purely my own insight which may be different from others, so please bear with me.

(LONG POST. You’ve been warned.)

The way I see it, at the very beginning Beau only had a physical attraction to Yasha born purely out of lust and her own need to use sex as a distraction from her own trauma and fears, thus her relentless flirting. It didn’t bother Beau much at the time, thinking Yasha was flustered because she was playing hard to get.

But then the Iron Shepherds happened, and Yasha and Fjord and Jester were taken from them. And then Mollymauk, Yasha’s closest friend in the carnival, had died and Beau blamed herself for it, refusing to let it happen again and chose to devote her every effort into getting them all back into their fold safe and sound, only for Yasha to leave them again for a short time before reuniting in Nicodranas and joining them as they ventured to Xhorhas.

And then after some time, Yasha confided in them about being a widow and having a wife: Zuala. Hearing that, and hearing that Yasha herself actually ran away from her wife’s execution, made Beau react with a simple “Oh” because it reminded her of when she lost her first love, her partner in crime who was left to rot in jail when Thoreau bailed his daughter out and, no doubt soon right after, shipped her off to the Cobalt Soul to quash her rebellious nature and make her more “pliable” to behaving. Thankfully for Beau, and for her companions, that didn’t stick and it only refined her body and mind into the Expositor she would later become. Not because of him, but in spite of him. Because while his actions did pave the foundation for her future growth, it was Beau herself that laid down the roadmap, her own path.

And then while in pursuit of Obann, they had a campfire conversation in the Barbed Fields. And that was their first real moment of bonding and it wasn't even close to what most Critters expected: it was a show of vulnerability and solidarity talking about losing loved ones as Beau confided in Yasha about Tori and that she understood Yasha’s pain, even if it was nowhere close to that level. And I believe it was around this time that Marisha stated that Beau's not interested in a deeper relationship than that (and also that she didn’t want to say or do things that would give shippers the wrong impression). That said, though, it did make Yasha think more about this monk that she met months ago, understanding that she’s not alone in grieving a loved one being lost and that may have opened up a possible development in their budding relationship.

But then Obann happened. And I think it was during this time that Beau’s feelings toward Yasha changed. Suspicion gave way to concern. Concern gave way to determination. Determination to get her back. To make their family whole. And now that I think about it, Beau was very reliant on Jester’s strength of heart in the time that Yasha was gone, unafraid to confide in her whenever she was distressed. I feel it was during this time that she realized she had a crush on Jester and fell in love with her best friend. And yet, I do feel that she might see it as getting her hopes up; she doesn’t know how Jester would respond. After all, Jester loves everybody and Beau also doesn’t want to overstep her boundaries with Jester any more than she already has, lest she screw up and make things unbearably awkward.

So even when Beau realized she was harboring a growing crush on her best friend, she knew it would be a very unlikely outcome for her. So she diverts her focus from that to saving Yasha from Obann. And despite the numerous failures, she and the Mighty Nein eventually made headway, destroyed the Permaheart, and exposed the Angel of Irons’ true identity. Also, Beau was able to suss out that the abyssal rifts opening up were happening on both sides of the conflict, proving her earliest suspicions that the war was one big distraction. And she was right: it was an elaborate gambit in a plot to release Tharizdun, the Chained Oblivion, from the Abyss.

This plot came to a head in Rexxentrum, in the Chantry of the Dawn. Beau almost died twice that day: once by Yasha’s hand, and once by Obann’s. But she still survived. As for Yasha, had she slain Beau that day, piercing her heart with the Skingorger as if piercing her own, in an ironic reflection of Molly’s own demise, she would’ve taken her own life because that would’ve been the straw that broke the camel’s back. But (and this is just my own theory that may or may not be true considering that sometimes she had some small control over herself even when “chained” by Obann) she didn’t and she resisted making that last fatal twist. But just barely.

And because she resisted, and because Beau was able to survive, Yasha was saved. Sure, Caduceus broke the shackle, but it was Beau's forgiveness and refusal to blame Yasha despite the glaring scar in her own chest that SHE caused. That's what saved her. Even though Yasha slew many Cobalt Soul monks earlier back in Zadash, and almost killed her, Beau still didn't blame her.

She couldn't.

And then the return to Kamordah. The reunion with Thoreau and Clara Lionett. Beau meeting her baby brother, her “replacement”, for the first time. Beau’s resolve eroding in real-time as she tries to hold it together the whole time. And Yasha lingers behind to call out Thoreau, saying that he should’ve shown his daughter how lucky he was to have her. And she shows no hesitation when confronting Isharnai the Prism Sage, intent on protecting Beau from any further misery the hag could impart upon her, even if it meant destroying her own happiness.

That right there? I think that was when it began to truly change for both of them. And by the time they arrive back in Nicodranas in time for the peace talks, they are slowly growing closer again, going back to being casual and flirty but this time YASHA is the one also returning the flirting, which I’m glad for because the fish market scene was hilarious and heartwarming in equal measure, as was the joining in of Jester’s crafting time.

And then the harp performance. Beau saw Yasha in a new light as she played. A healing light. Way back in the Barbed Fields, Beau knew that there was something about Yasha that she was excited to see. At first glance, one would assume this was foreshadowing to Obann taking her away. But upon reflection, I don’t think Beau was expecting her own words to end up referring to this. And the look on her face and the exhale of breath she makes after mentioning that Yasha’s playing was amazing, that was probably when it hit her.

She’s in love with Yasha.

Which brings us to the events after the specter ambushed Beau and dropped her flat with a single gaze as Fjord AND Yasha dove in to heal her and get her back on her feet (it’s totally a competition, trust me). Now, in the past Beau would always refuse to be cared for or even admit when she needs to rest. But then she asks Yasha to carry her just like back when they first met and Yasha reluctantly did so at that time, though not to the extent that Beau would’ve liked.

And then here in the present time Yasha does so again, but without hesitation or embarrassment. And not once does Beau hide her contentment, living her best life and loving that she's being pampered by both Jester and Yasha even when everyone is aware of it.

Will this lead to a confession between the two Sapphic Sentinels? (That’s my new nickname for them, come at me lol)

Well, not quite yet, as it's up in the air as to who will bring it up first. That, and lingering questions and doubts about Beau’s feelings for Jester as well as what Yasha herself is thinking as she seems content with still loving Zuala but allowing her heart to make room for another after all this time.

Honestly, if anything, it might be Yasha who makes the first move and goes to confront her fear head-on and confess. But like everything else in their relationship, that remains to be seen.

[lelitachay]

Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: Even though Anna loved her sister-in-law, she couldn’t help but notice there was something peculiar about Elsa. Everything starts to make sense after an accident and a forced family reunion.

Modern AU. Kristanna - Frohana - Kristoff & Elsa BrOTP.

Chapters 1 to 10 - Here  

Chapter 11 - Repercussions    

Chapter 12 - Time apart

Chapter 13 - Guilt

Chapter 14 - The way I see it

Chapter 15 - Reconnecting

Chapter 16 - Finding home

Chapter 17 - What the future holds

Chapter 18 - Broken trust

-

Reopening old wounds

A courtroom full of people was the first thing Elsa saw when she opened her eyes; and, to her dismay, she was the person sitting in the witness box. She had hoped for the trial to be postponed, but apparently the date had arrived sooner than it felt it was physically possible.

Since when did time move so fast? Why didn't she remember the passing of time? Why hadn't she prepared something to say? Why hadn't she talked to Kai during that time?

She looked around and noticed everyone was waiting for her to say something. They were all expecting her to talk and share what she knew about Weselton.

Weselton, the disgusting man who had been a constant figure in her nightmares was now sitting right in front of her. He wasn't smiling, clearly concerned for the things she knew. But still, he held his eyebrow high, challenging her to open her mouth and say something against him. She knew it was ridiculous to think he could hurt her in some way in front of so many people, but she felt a chill ran down her spine nonetheless.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. She could feel her powers begging for release and she found it hard to concentrate on the questions the man near her was asking. What had that strange man said? She couldn't remember. Elsa guessed she had to explain what Weselton had done to her.

In theory, it was simple. After all, she knew what she had to do; she knew more than anyone the things that man was capable of, and she had to say those things aloud. But deep down, she feared what her powers could do once she began to talk. Her body had always reacted on its own whenever she was nervous. If she was not careful, she could freeze the room and everyone in it in a matter of seconds, and there was no guarantee what the judge and policemen were going to do to her if that happened.

If she hurt people around her, Weselton was going to have all the right to say he had been trying to avoid people getting hurt by locking her inside his clinic. And part of her knew they were going to agree with him. Her own birth parents had been afraid of her. They had thought she was too dangerous to keep. Why wouldn't the rest of the people think the same?

She heard the voice of a faceless judge by her side. It didn't matter how hard she tried, she couldn't focus on his face for some reason; however his order was clear. Speak.

He ordered her to speak but she couldn't get the words out.

Among the people in the room, she could see her father. Kai was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room. Detached from the rest, he sat with his arms crossed, waiting for her to do or say something. She tried to call his attention. To ask him what he wanted her to say. She tried muttering the question to him in vain, since he was too far to understand.

The judge once again urged her to speak. To stop wasting everyone's time.

She could feel her body trembling and the ice forming in the palms of her hand. She tried once again to come up with an idea, with anything to say, when she noticed Weselton's expression change. He was now smiling, no longer concerned about the things she could say.

Elsa thought it was strange for him to change his attitude so suddenly, but then she felt a snowflake fall on her face. She looked up in fear and realised her powers were manifesting without her consent.

Someone in the room yelled at the police officer standing next to her to do something, while the judge urged a doctor to sedate her.

She felt someone grab her arm and a strange voice say her name.

Weselton laughed at her. And she closed her eyes, trying to ignore him. She knew it was a matter of time before she was drugged, and she needed to run away from there. But something or someone held her in place, as the voice kept repeating her name.

Elsa opened her eyes again, but this time she was in her bed. There was no trial. No faceless judge. And no Weselton. The voice was still there however, she could hear it clearly now.

"Elsa! Elsa, are you okay?" Anna asked, as she shook Elsa's arm for the last time.

Elsa turned to her side, surprised to see Anna kneeling next to her in the bed. Her presence explained better the reason the lights in the room were turned on, and the strange voice that kept calling her name. But still, it made Elsa wonder what the girl was doing there. By the girl's hair and tired expression, Elsa thought it was safe to say Anna had been sleeping next to her.

"Elsa, please, say something." Even if Elsa had turned to look at her, she was not responding nor stopping the snowfall in the room. "You are scaring me. Are you okay?"

The question helped Elsa come out of her trance. "Yes…" she said. "I'm fine."

Letting out a sigh of relief, Anna let go of Elsa's freezing arm. "I'm sorry I woke you up. You were trembling and I got worried when you began to…" She wasn't sure if it was correct to address the falling snow, but she was getting colder by the minute and Elsa didn't seem to notice. "Well... to snow."

Elsa sat on the bed, resting her back on the headboard, and looked around. Noticing for the first time the snow around her. The bed was covered in it. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed. The snow was materialised proof her dream had been more unsettling than she was willing to admit out loud.

She tried to come up with an excuse for what she had done in her sleep; when Anna, brushing some remaining snow from her hair, distracted her. Elsa saw the girl looking at her. Her eyes showed concern, but her smile tried to offer some comfort.

"You did the right thing," said Elsa after another tired sigh. There was no point in lying or trying to come up with justification for the snow around them. She was sure Anna had already put two and two together. "My powers can get out of control in my sleep."

"Were you having a nightmare?"

Elsa gave a short side-glance to Anna, and then offered a nod in response as she hugged her legs to her chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

If Elsa was honest with herself, she didn't. The dream had been unsettling enough and she knew explaining it to Anna was going to be hard. She was about to say it was best for them to go back to sleep, when Anna surprised her by holding her hand.

"I want you to know, I'm willing to listen and help you with anything you need…" Anna said, while she gathered some courage to ask Elsa about her past, like she had done the previous night. "But I can't do that if you don't let me in." It was a disguised request to stop turning her back to her and finally open up.

Elsa understood Anna's request. She knew Anna was still trying to break her barriers and actually help her. Something only her family had tried to do for her before. 'You won't heal if you keep hiding from everyone who's ready to help you,' Anna's words were still present in her mind and it became hard for Elsa to ignore them. She wasn't sure if it was the tiredness or the stress, but she thought it was time to actually listen to Anna's advice and stop hiding.

"There isn't much to say," began Elsa. She had suffered worse nightmares when she was younger. "I was being forced to talk in a courtroom full of people and I didn't know what to say. Kai wasn't helping me," she clarified. "And Weselton... He was there. Sitting right in front of me." Part of her knew it was only Weselton's presence in it what had triggered her powers.

Anna was glad to know Elsa was finally willing to talk about the things that troubled her mind. But the mention of Weselton made her feel nervous already. Finding out the night before Kai wanted to keep the man behind bars gave Anna the idea he was the one responsible for Elsa's childhood traumas.

"Are you afraid of this man? Weselton." She was dying to finally understand who Weselton was and what he represented to Elsa, since she already knew who the man was for her parents.

A short nod was the only answer Elsa offered.

"Why?"

"He was the doctor in charge of the orphanage where I lived. The orphanage worked inside a big clinic. And he was the owner of both institutions," explained Elsa, unaware Anna knew that part of the man's life already. "Every nurse and employee answered to him. He was a cruel man."

"This isn't the same orphanage Kristoff lived in, right?" Her parents had explained he owned a clinic in Romsdal, but Anna wanted to make sure she was situated in the right place and time.

"No. It's where I lived before and after my time in Trollheim's orphanage."

So far, Anna noticed, Elsa's answers were short. Showing she wasn't feeling really comfortable with the conversation, but the fact she kept answering, prompt Anna to continue. "In the petition I read last night Kai mentions he is in prison…"

"Yes. He's been in prison for the last eight or nine years." Elsa hid her chin in the crook of her arms which were resting on her knees. Part of her was dreading Anna's next question. But she had made up her mind, she was going to finally come clean about her past to her.

"What did he do?"

"He and his colleagues were found guilty of practicing illegal medicine."

"Illegal medicine?"

"Weselton's clinic was officially closed the same year I was moved to Trollheim's orphanage, when I was about eight years old. But they continued working illegally, treating people who couldn't pay for their medical bills."

"Wait. If the place was officially closed the same year you were transferred to Trollheim, why did Kristoff's orphanage sent you back there years later?"

Elsa sighed. She wished her story with Weselton could end the year his clinic was officially closed, but sadly life didn't work that way. "The only reason I was transferred to Trollheim was because Weselton needed to keep me hidden. Once things calmed down for him in Romsdal, he took me back to his now illegal clinic."

"What? Why?"

Elsa turned to look at Anna and said, "I was not just another kid in his orphanage, Anna. I was the kid he was interested in."

Dreading the answer she would get, Anna asked, "What do you mean by that?"

Elsa hugged her legs even tighter, as if she were trying to shield herself from the memories. "When I was little, Weselton used to visit the orphanage to see me. He would ignore the other children and only spend time with me, always asking me to use my powers. At the time, I was too young and naive to notice he was actually studying me." Shaking her head, she tried in vain to erase the memory of him watching her every move. "I remember feeling so happy to be able to use my powers, I always complied to his wishes; but the idea of him watching everything I did was unsettling even then."

An old man looking at a little girl for hours creeped Anna out. But she tried to divert her attention from that unsettling fact. "Weren't you able to use your powers as a kid?"

Elsa shook her head. "They would lock me in my room for days if I did without Weselton's or his colleagues' supervision. I also had to stay inside my room whenever someone who didn't belong to the clinic's permanent staff arrived to the orphanage."

"Were you even able to play with the other kids?"

"Not really. Weselton didn't want people finding out about my powers since he was interested in them. Obsessed even."

Anger stirred within Anna. No one in their right mind should ever stop a child from playing with other children. It wasn't a surprise Elsa had problems socializing if she hadn't had the chance to do so at an early age.

"When I was young I didn't really notice he was so fixated with the way my powers worked," she continued. "His strange behaviour made sense to me when I returned to Romsdal years later."

"What happened?"

"He confined me to small room inside his clinic to study me. And he was willing to do anything to understand how my powers worked..."

Goosebumps erupted all over Anna's skin. She definitely didn't like where the story was going. "What- what did he do?"

"At the beginning, I was only forced to stay inside the room and eat whatever they fed me. I was under a strict diet and I had to respect it. Weselton would show up once or twice a week and ask me to use my powers." A bitter laugh escaped her lips before she said, "it may sound strange, but that was actually tolerable now that I think about it."

"You were confined inside a room and being studied. How can you think it's something tolerable?"

Elsa looked at Anna once again, as she tried to find a way to explain the way she felt. "All he and his colleagues did then was feed me and ask me to use my powers." Her eyes narrowed at the memory. "Don't get me wrong. I hated being locked inside the room. I missed Kristoff and the anonymous life I lived in Trolheim's orphanage. But after a few months, things inside the clinic changed for the worse."

"What do you mean for the worse?" Anna was holding her breath, not knowing what to expect.

After taking a deep breath, she continued, "the worst began when Weselton said 'I couldn't keep wasting his time,' and he began doing some physical examinations, which soon transformed into experiments."

"No. No," Anna muttered, as she stared at Elsa in horror.

"It was scary and strange for me," Elsa kept talking, not paying attention to the girl next to her. "Every time he showed up, he had a different idea. A new test in mind."

"What kind of tests?" asked Anna in a low voice. A big part of her didn't want to know the answer. She wasn't sure she could stomach the truth anymore. But Elsa was talking, finally opening up about everything she had gone through, and she knew Elsa needed someone to listen and help her let go of what was plaguing her mind.

"He would try different drugs on me to see the effect they had over my powers."

Anna watched her close her eyes and ran her trembling hands through her hair. The memories were clearly affecting the older girl. And Anna couldn't help but feel guilty for making her go through it all again. "Elsa, it's okay, you don't need to tell me."

As if Anna hadn't spoken, she continued, "He would lock me inside an empty room and force me to stay awake for hours on end. Some other times, I wasn't given anything to drink or eat for hours; just to see if those things were linked to my powers somehow."

"Elsa…"

"Most of his experiments ended up in me fainting or my powers reacting on their own, trying to harm him and his colleagues," she choked out her words. She closed her eyes tightly, hoping to stop the tears. But the moment the first tear fell, she couldn't stop the flood of uncontrollable ones that followed. Fighting against her feelings, she took a couple of shuddering breaths and continued, "When this happened, he would order his lackeys to sedate me… As if it was my fault my powers were out of control!" she blurted out, surprising Anna. "My powers were only trying to protect me! I was weak and so, so tired at the time."

Anna let her own tears fall when Elsa looked at her with so much pain in her eyes. She felt useless watching Elsa cry all her pain and frustration. However, she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do. The temperature in the room had dropped when Elsa began crying. And, by her clenched fists, Anna knew she was having a hard time controlling her emotions.

"I still remember vividly the day he entered my room in company of two other doctors. They took me to the test room and injected me with- with… I don't really know what it was."

Anna blinked multiple times, showing her consternation. Elsa's angry expression showed how much resentment she still held against those men.

"I didn't disobey their orders. I didn't fight back." The painful look on her face returned. "And a few hours later I began showing symptoms of whatever it was they were testing. I had the worst fever I've ever had that night. My whole body trembled. I was so afraid…"

"Did nobody help you?" Anna asked, hoping there was someone inside that place humane enough to help a little girl.

"Even if a couple of nurses stayed by my side, and I could see their concerned faces as they kept checking my vital signs, they did nothing to help me." Elsa choked back a sob. "I was so scared but no one gave a crap about me. The nurses just turned their faces away whenever I begged for their help."

Anna tried hard not to swear out loud. She was so mad she couldn't think straight. She felt a sharp pain on her heart for her sister's misery, and there was nothing she could do to help her. "How long did you take to recover?" she asked after she was able to calm down a bit.

"Days? I don't really know," she answered as she tried in vain to stop her tears.

In an desperate attempt to make her feel better, Anna threw her arms around Elsa and held her close. She was trying to stay strong for her, but her heart ached at the thought of her sister enduring such terrible things as a child.

Anna stayed silent, giving Elsa enough time to calm down, and some time to herself to think and process everything she had just learnt. The more she analysed everything her sister had gone through, the angrier she got. She got angry at her parents, her grandfather, at life for being so unfair; but especially, at the monsters who had held a little girl captive for years.

It was only when she felt she couldn't contain her anger anymore that she spoke, "I can't believe someone would do something so terrible to you!"

As she dried the last tears from her cheeks, Elsa said, "Weselton was so obsessed in understanding how my powers worked, he stopped looking at me as a person. For him, I was just a dangerous animal…"

"How could they think something like that?! You were just a scared child!" She had imagined Elsa's childhood had been difficult and full of hardships. But nothing had prepared Anna for the real story. That damned doctor had forced Elsa to experience inhuman atrocities which could be only compared to those of the war, and it made her feel sick.

Looking at her hands in shame, avoiding Anna's eyes, Elsa admitted, "He may not have been mistaken though."

"What?!" She didn't want to raise her voice, but she couldn't let Elsa think something like that about herself.

"When I recovered from that fever, I-" It had taken a lot of courage to confess her past to Kristoff years go, and right now it was proving to be just as difficult. The guilt in her eyes spoke louder than her voice when she confessed, "I hurt one of the nurses. I don't know what happened. I lost control of my powers… I never saw that woman again."

Anna opened her eyes in surprise, but didn't make a comment. Who was she to judge a little girl's actions when the world had turned its back on her? Besides, the guilt in Elsa's eyes let Anna see she had clearly not meant to do any harm to that nurse.

Instead of saying anything, Anna held Elsa close and let her rest her head on her shoulder. She desperately wanted Elsa to understand she didn't condemned her for it.

After several minutes, when Elsa was able to breathe more or less normally again, she said, "I fear people will see reason behind Weselton's actions once they find out what I did to that nurse. That's why only you and Kristoff know about my past."

"Kai and Gerda don't know?" It had never crossed Anna's mind that Elsa hadn't discussed something so serious with her family.

"They know what Weselton did to me… Just not every detail. And I was never brave enough to tell them I hurt a person before. They've always done so much for me, I fear they'll never see me the same way again."

"I'm sure they'll understand, Elsa. Just like Kristoff and I did." Anna stopped on her tracks when she realised Elsa hadn't explain the whole story to her. Only the worst part. "Hey, Elsa?"

"Mmh?"

"How did you escape that place?"

"I was rescued by the police," she said matter-of-factly.

"Did someone betray Weselton and confessed what they were doing to you?"

"Remember I told you they were found guilty of practicing illegal medicine?" Anna nodded, letting Elsa continue. "Well, the police found me in his clinic the day they searched the place. I was a real surprise for everyone involved in the case."

"No one knew you were there?" It was concerning to think Elsa's life changed for the better only by mere luck and carelessness on Weselton's part. But Anna ignored the thought. There was no point on dwelling in what could have happened. "You must have been really thankful to see the police arrest these people."

"I don't remember that. The last thing I remember inside the clinic is Weselton running into my room and injecting something in my neck." Her frown didn't go unnoticed by Anna. "I woke up some hours later in hospital room in Trolheim's main hospital. I was surrounded by doctors and nurses. Gerda among them.

"Wait, hold up. Gerda? Your Gerda?"

Anna's antics put a smile on Elsa's face after hours of pain and sadness, and she felt blessed for having the girl sitting next to her at that moment. "Yes, my Gerda. She was working there at the time."

"I can't believe that's how you met…"

The sad smile that had appeared on Elsa's face remained there as she explained everything that happened after she was rescued. She talked about Gerda's visits. How the old woman had worked hard to earn her trust and helped her overcome the worst part of being hospitalised. She also told Anna the way Gerda and Kai had stayed by her side when the rest of the people involved in the case wanted to get rid of her.

"And then they adopted you?" asked Anna, still amazed her parents-in-law had gone against their own bosses to protect Elsa.

"Yes. After that, they did everything in their power to become my guardians."

"Wow…" There were no words to describe how much she respected her parents-in-law. "No wonder you love them so much."

"They are my heroes, you know?" said Elsa with a small smile. "I know it may sound silly, but they showed up in my life when there was no one else. They opened their arms to me, not asking for anything in return."

Anna didn't get a chance to answer before Elsa's expression became more melancholic. "I think that's why it hurts so much to know Kai is breaking his promise now. Years ago he said he was going to help me build a life away from my troubled past. But that petition looks like the complete opposite to me."

"I'm no one to tell you what to do or how to feel, Elsa. However, I think you should give Kai a chance to explain himself better. You can't jump to conclusions based on a piece of paper." Anna offered a smile when Elsa looked at her, and continued, "Kai knows what this man did to you and how hard your life's been. I don't think he'd force you to do anything you don't want to do."

Elsa nodded and smiled, but didn't say anything in return. She was still having a hard time accepting what Kai was doing, and she wasn't sure she was ready to talk to him yet.

Trying to change the focus of the conversation, Elsa suggested having an early breakfast. She was aware she had dropped the temperature in the room several times during the night, and she thought it was best for Anna to have a warm bath while she prepared something for them to eat. After all, they had stayed awake most part of the night, and it was already morning.

Anna accepted in a heartbeat since she hadn't had anything to eat the night before. The idea of a warm bath and something to eat was just perfect in her opinion. Besides, she could notice Elsa was trying to find something to distract herself after their talk.

-

They enjoyed breakfast in silence, trying to avoid any sensitive topic. There were several things Anna still wanted to find out about Elsa's past, but there was no need to ask more questions right then and there.

Noticing how tired Elsa looked, Anna felt the need to cancel their class that morning. There was no point in forcing Elsa to focus on Math or History while she was still clearly concerned about Kai's petition.

"I think it would be best to leave the class for next week, Elsa," she said to Elsa when she made up her mind.

"There's no need, Anna. I know how busy you are."

"You won't be able to concentrate today. I think it'd be best for you to go to bed and rest."

It was true Elsa was feeling mentally exhausted. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I could also go home early and finish a couple of things I need to do. If you don't need me to stay for a few more hours, that's it," she added, hoping Elsa was feeling good enough to stay alone. Truth be told, she was planning on going to Kristoff's house and let him know of everything that had happened. She didn't trust Elsa to call her father and clear the situation on her own, and Kristoff was the right person to help her with that.

"Don't worry about me. You've already helped me a lot."

"Okay," she said, trusting her word. She also knew Kristoff was going to be by her side as soon as she let him know. So, it was safe to say Elsa was going to be in good company sooner than later.

Walking into the living room to get her things ready, Anna found her backpack on the floor where she had dropped it the previous night. At that moment, she remembered the letters she had brought with her. The letters she had been so eager to deliver the previous night.

She kneeled down and opened her bag. She took the letters out as she contemplated what to do with them. She wasn't sure if it was correct to give those letters to Elsa after everything she had told her about her childhood. Anna could understand Elsa's resentment towards her birth parents better now. But, on the other hand, Anna believed her mother's explanation could help Elsa understand she had been loved, and it had never been her parents' intention for her to suffer so much. On the contrary, Idunn had wished for her to have a great childhood, full of love and opportunities.

Making up her mind, she turned around with the letters in hand and faced Elsa, who had been standing behind her all that time.

"Elsa, I know you've got a lot of things in your mind right now. But I wanted to give you these."

"Letters?" she asked, puzzled.

Anna nodded and handed them to Elsa. "I brought them for you, and I think it's wrong not to deliver them like I promised."

Elsa's perplexed expression made Anna realise she had to explain herself better.

"Mum wrote them to you."

Elsa frowned and put the letters back in Anna's hands. "Anna…"

"No, wait, let me explain," said Anna. She needed Elsa to understand why she was delivering those letters. "I know you've got more than enough reasons not to trust mum and dad. But I think it could make you feel better if you gave mum a chance to explain her and dad's story. These letters are a chance for you to find out what happened without having to face mum and dad in person." She tried to hand the letters back to Elsa.

"No, Anna."

"Mum just wants you to know how sorry she is."

Arms crossed over her chest, Elsa didn't move to pick the letters from Anna's hand. "An apology won't erase the things I went through."

Anna sighed and looked down. She understood Elsa's point of view, but she still tried once again. "I know. I wish there was something that could help you erase your past. But I thought this could be a good chance for you to read their part of the story and finally understand why they did the things they did." She noticed Elsa was about to retort, and she spoke again, before she got the chance. "They are yours to keep or burn. You can read them or not. You can write back or not. Whatever you do with them, it's up to you. But, please, accept them."

Elsa sighed and extended her hand for Anna to give her the letters. "I will accept them... for you. But I can't promise I'll read them."

Anna smiled. The fact she was willing to accept them just for her meant more than Elsa could imagine. "Thank you."

Looking at her with a small smile, she said, "I should be thanking you. You've been doing everything in your power to help me since we met."

"I only do it because I know you deserve it," said Anna with a grin.

Elsa smiled back and surprised Anna by hugging her tight, "you're a good friend, Anna. Thank you."

-

Kai had been searching for his composition books in every drawer and every place he could imagine inside his study. He was sure he had left them in the bottom drawer where he usually did, but for some reason they weren't there. He was certain he hadn't left them at the police station, since the last thing he remembered was reading the document in his desk lat at night. He had been trying hard to have everything figured it out before showing Gerda what he had in mind.

Running out of options, he thought it was best to ask his wife if she hadn't seen them. "Gerda, have you seen my composition books? The ones I keep in the bottom drawer of the desk?" he asked as he entered the kitchen.

"The old marbled ones? I gave them to Elsa the last time she was here."

"You did what?" He hoped she was merely joking.

"I gave them to Elsa."

"Gerda, I'm serious, where are they?"

"I'm telling you, I gave them to-" Surprised by the look her husband was giving her, Gerda stopped herself mid sentence and asked, "why are you looking at me like that? You never used them and Elsa was carrying all these sheets of paper around, instead of using a proper notebook."

"Did you give her all of them? Or just the ones which were empty?"

Gerda was certain the last time they had talked about those books Kai had made a comment about never using them. She had checked the first two and they had been completely blank. It was for that reason she had given them to her daughter. "All of them were-"

"Not all of them," said Kai sighing, as he left the kitchen.

"I'm sorry Kai, but you had those books there for years. More than once you told me they were taking up space! What's the matter?"

When her husband didn't answer, Gerda followed him to find out what was wrong. "Kai, what's the matter? she asked once again, but the doorbell distracted her. She thought whatever was bothering Kai could wait, and she went to open up the door instead.

A big smile appeared on her face when she saw her son at the door, and she soon welcomed him inside. However, the serious expression on his face made her worry in an instant. "Are you okay, dear?"

"Is dad home? I need to talk to both of you."

The sudden visit of Anna earlier that morning had surprised Kristoff. The last thing he expected was for his girlfriend to show up at his place when she was supposed to be teaching Elsa. And great was his consternation when Anna explained to him everything that had happened to Elsa the day before.

He was thankful Anna had kept her promise and she had gone directly to him before doing anything on her own. They talked about Elsa's anxiety attack, the document she had found and how both girls had stayed up most part of the night talking about the past. After discussing their options, both agreed it was best for Anna to be patient and let Kristoff find out what was going on, before she talked with her own parents.

It was for this reason, Kristoff was now standing in his parents' living room, hoping to understand what Kai had been thinking he could achieve by opening Elsa's case once again. The obvious answer was justice, but was justice really worth it if it destroyed the life Elsa had worked so hard to build for herself? He didn't think so.

"Yes, he is." said Gerda, surprised by his demand. She was about to ask him what was going on, when Kai appeared in the room with his jacket on, ready to leave.

"Hi, son. How have you been?" he greeted, but didn't wait for him to answer. He looked at Gerda and said, "I'm going to the mountain. There was an important document inside one of the books and I need it."

"I'm here to talk about that document, dad." interrupted Kristoff.

"Document?" Gerda had no idea what her son was talking about, but she didn't like the tone of voice Kristoff was using.

"Kristoff, what are you talking about?"

"Elsa found a petition inside one of yours composition books. She's worried sick about it." Not giving his father enough time to answer, he continued, "What's wrong with you, dad? How could you do something like this behind Elsa's back?"

"Elsa read it?" The idea of Elsa finding out about his idea like that didn't set well with Kai. He could already imagine how concerned Elsa could get without him explaining things to her.

"I don't understand. What's going on?" asked Gerda. The way her husband's expression changed made her worry. "What did Kai do behind-? Oh, no." She stopped herself when an idea came to her mind. "Kai tell me you didn't-"

"I didn't do anything behind her back. She just found some notes she wasn't supposed to read."

"That's exactly what 'going behind someone's back' means!" said Kristoff raising his voice. He had been trying to stay calm, but his father denying the fact he betrayed Elsa's trust didn't help him in the least.

"Kai, tell me you didn't write a petition to open Elsa's case back!" Gerda was now understanding her son's anger. If Kai had really gone against Elsa's wishes, he was not going to hear the end of it.

Kai took a deep breath, before trying once again to calm his family down. He had written the petition, but he hadn't planned to do anything with it without Elsa's consent. "Calm down," he said. "I did write a draft. But I didn't send anything. I was going to talk with-"

"A draft? It's a legal document with several signatures. That's not what a draft looks like."

"Kristoff, calm down."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Kristoff didn't waste time to challenge his father, "weren't you the one who told me to respect Elsa's boundaries?"

"Yes, I did," he agreed. "And I do respect your sister's-"

"Do you?"

To hear his son doubt him made him lost his temper. "Don't say I don't respect-"

"If you sent that petition without her consent, then you are not respecting her wishes, Kai." Gerda had to agree with Kristoff in that matter. "I can't believe you went ahead with this stupid idea of yours!"

"Could the two of you listen for a moment?" He needed his family to listen to him. To be accused of not respecting Elsa's bounaries really hurt Kai, and it made him fear what his daughter was thinking of him. "It was never my intention to do anything behind her back. I was going to talk with her."

"Was it too difficult to talk about this before writing the petition?" Kristoff asked. He had planned to talk things in a more calmed, collected way, but he needed his father to understand how bad he had messed up. "She had an anxiety attack last night."

"What?" Kai and Gerda asked at the same time.

Kristoff sighed and tried to explain what Anna had told him earlier that day, "She barely understood half the things that were written in it. But the petition mentioned her name several times. You can't expect her no to worry, dad. I can't understand why you didn't talk to her instead of putting a legal document in her face."

Kai understood why Kristoff was so concerned then, and the guilt of putting Elsa through something like that was unbearable. "Again, it was not my intention for her to find out like this. Trust me when I say I wanted to talk to her. I was going to talk with all of you."

"Did she call you?" Gerda asked, now more concerned about her daughter than her husband's explanations.

"No. Anna was there with her. She helped her calm down and she tried to explain things to her, but there wasn't much she could say. After all she had no idea what Elsa had gone through until this morning when Elsa told her."

"I need to go check on her," said Gerda as she left the room to find her own jacket.

"Did you see her today?"

"No. Anna stopped by my apartment and explained everything to me. She was worried about Elsa and wanted us to help her. I came here to talk some sense into you before heading there."

"I'll go to the mountain right now and explain everything to her. It's best if you and your mother come too. I want all of you to see this was a huge misunderstanding."

"Okay. I'll drive you. You better be honest with us, Kai."

His son calling him by his full name hurt more than Kai imagined it would.

-

My apologies for taking such a long time to post this chapter. It was never my intention to keep you waiting a whole month, but life got in the middle.

Big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review and share this story. You’re all amazing!

Tagging: @swimmingnewsie @melody-fox, @kristoffxannafanatic, @kristannafictionals, @neptrabbit, @skneez, @ellacarter13, @wondering-in-life, @who-i-am-8, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @815-allisnotlost, @khartx, @joannevixxon, @betweenthedreams, @lilrann, @burbobah, @rileysfs, @zutonium, @earlvessalius, @blood-jewel, @disneydreamer8901, @the-sky-is-awake, @disneyfan103, @the-magic-one-is-you, @anamaria8garcia, @welovefrozenfanfiction, @bigfrozenfan-archive, @bigfrozenfan, @frozen-snips  @deisymendoza  @zackhaikal123 @cornstarch @roostercrowedatmidnight @wandering-bard-from-the-id, @showurselfelsa @fuzzyelsalikeiduna @when-dawn-arrives​ @drafteedragon​ @snowycrocus​ @tare8chan​ @localarendellian​ @wabitham​ @roostercrowedatmidnight​ @aries1708 @tare8chan, @just-your-local-history-nerd, @dontrunintofirexoxo @daphmckinnon @poketin @bruni-is-love @luna-and-mars, @anotherpersondrawing

Wish you guys the best. Stay safe!

[aspiringprofessionalnerd]

Wei Wuxian and the Trauma of the Burial Mounds

Sorry folks I am officially In My Feels after therapy this week, and then I came online this afternoon to see that @hunxi-guilai has knocked it out of the park with their analysis again. I love to see that people are talking about the portrayal of WWX’s trauma on a larger level, and I wanted to add my two cents:

Pre-Resurrection

First of all, I want to acknowledge that WWX is far from the only person who experiences trauma throughout the course of CQL ahem Jiang Cheng . Even WWX endures various types of trauma throughout his first life. But what I’m so impressed (and gutted) by is the way in which the show establishes that it is WWX’s first stint in the Burial Mounds specifically that breaks him (or, at least, catalyses his breakdown). 

We know WWX has had a difficult childhood and teen years. He lost his parents at a young age and had to survive on the streets for an unspecified amount of time, facing physical and logistical hardships like running from dogs and battling starvation (no cultivation training yet, so no opportunity to train inedia) as well as the grief of losing his parents. Yet, remarkably, aside from his lingering fear of dogs, these incidents don’t seem to leave too many lasting physical or emotional scars. WWX is able to jump around and play with his adoptive brother on his first night at Lotus Pier, and when we see him in his teen years at Cloud Recesses Summer Camp he is a warm, bubbly individual with no reservations about physical contact (on the contrary, he’s more gung-ho about it than LWJ would like). He remains open to new experiences and new people, and even though he uses humour to obfuscate at times, the people close to WWX can still see through to his deeper intentions (take, for example, Yanli reminding Jiang Cheng that WWX is serious about the important things). Moreover, once the Jiang siblings and WWX return to Lotus Pier, we gain a greater appreciation for the past things WWX has survived, including years of verbal abuse some awkward family dynamics. Madam Yu’s words obviously hurt him, but even so he bounces back almost immediately and diverts his attention to comforting Jiang Cheng despite the fact that he is still recovering from Teenage Mutant Murder Turtle injuries himself. I think there is an important distinction to be made here: it’s not that criticism and harsh conditions just roll off of WWX. He DOES process and internalise them, but he keeps going and maintains his faith and openness in spite of having these negative experiences. Clearly, he is a remarkably resilient person. 

After the massacre at Lotus Pier and Jiang Cheng’s loss of his golden core, we see WWX wrestle with more complex emotions: grief, guilt, and concern. It’s obvious that Wei Wuxian is suffering acutely, but he’s still doing it in a way that’s very true to his character as we know it. He’s crying. He’s seeking physical comfort from Yanli. He’s proactive, looking to plan and problem-solve. Yes he balks a little at what JC’s core recovery will involve, but his overall reaction is primarily one of satisfaction and relief. 

We don’t see too much of WWX between the mountaintop ordeal and his dropping into the Burial Mounds, but I think we have enough material to say that he is still in command of his own mind and maintains his sense of agency. You can tell that our Wee Sweaty Boi has been through the wringer, but he’s still quite animated and even cheeky when facing off against Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu in the teahouse. That dog speech? Damn. Classic WWX. He might die, but he’s not going down without getting the last word. It’s only when they are all riding swords to the weirdest and most out of place glam rock score in the entire series wtf over the Burial Mounds that we see an inkling of genuine horror cross WWX’s face.

Take now, by contrast, WWX’s reactions and interactions post-Burial Mounds. His flinchy moments inspired such a visceral reaction in me. I’m a repeat trauma survivor as well, and when I saw the way that WWX jerked back from NHS’s hand, it was deeply uncomfortable to watch precisely because of how familiar it was. This is an instinctive, almost animalistic response to touch, and it’s a FEAR response. Moreover, this isn’t some rando about to bump into him; this is one of his best friends from childhood. This is the reaction of someone who has survived by believing that the only possible safe space he has is within the confines of his own body; if anyone touches that, it will shatter. Wei Wuxian’s logical mind can tell him that NHS is not a threat, but his trauma-brain can’t turn off the panic simply by knowing that. (And why should he trust his logical mind, anyway? As we get glimpses of in the first few moments of the Burial Mounds, it’s as much the voices of people he knows and loves as the voices of unnamed resentful souls that prey on him during those three months. The psychological trauma in the Burial Mounds was not just the introduction of external threats, but the convoluting of things WWX knew and loved into instruments of torture so that even once he returned to the world, he could not shake those negative associations.)

We get an equal-but-opposite illustration of WWX’s trauma in instances like his reunion with JC and LWJ or his soup session with Yanli. There’s a deadness behind the eyes, an uncanny stillness. Wei Wuxian is in survival mode, going through the motions of what ‘should’ be his return to normal life but wondering why it doesn’t feel right this time. Wei Wuxian had told himself in the Burial Mounds that all he needed to do was survive the Burial Mounds themselves and then everything would be alright: he would go back to Lotus Pier, JC would be healed, and he would make up a new version of the plan that had been shot to hell (I’m convinced that WWX DID originally have a plan for how to navigate life in Lotus Pier post-golden core; however, he never got to put that plan into place because he got dumped into the Burial Mounds before he could enact it). But Wei Wuxian returns, and what he’s told himself isn’t true, because in all his planning for returning to Yunmeng he didn’t account for the fact that what it took to get there would fundamentally alter him. As a result, Wei Wuxian doesn’t fit anymore--not because the world has changed, but because Wei Wuxian has changed. And he can’t talk about that with anyone.

Why not? Sure, in part it’s because he feels bound to keep the secret about Jiang Cheng, but I think there’s another aspect here that’s been significantly overlooked: namely, that Wei Wuxian is the ONLY person to survive the Burial Mounds in any kind of living cultural memory. The problem isn’t so much that he can’t tell people as it is an issue of no one being able to understand or relate to his experiences even if he did share them. After all, how do you convey to an outsider what it was like to survive for three months in a place where every single bit of torture was customised to draw on YOUR individual, personal fears and hurts? Significantly, this is also the point in the story where we see Wei Wuxian begin to answer questions by in turn asking, ‘Would you believe me if I told you...?’ The question is rhetorical: he doesn’t expect people to believe him (although it still hurts when they don’t), but even if they do believe, it’s still not enough because they don’t understand. IMO, the rest of WWX’s issues leading up to the cliff at Nightless City stem from him trying--and failing--to come to terms with the loneliness of that knowledge.

Post-Resurrection

After WWX comes back, we see a shift in him. He’s no longer focused on the fact that no one will understand him; he’s decided that having someone (namely LWJ) believe him is enough. This resolves many of the auxiliary issues that had been plaguing WWX before his death, but it does NOT resolve the original trauma of his first experience in the Burial Mounds. WWX continues to have nightmares, and what are they about? Not Lotus Pier. Not Qiongqi Way and his sense of guilt. Not Shijie getting stabbed right in front of his face. Not his final, distraught moments with LWJ and JC. Nope, his nightmares continue to revolve around falling into the Burial Mounds all those years ago: an experience for which even death and rebirth are insufficient to ease the pain. 

I’m convinced that even at the end of CQL Wei Wuxian still has a LOT of healing to do, and I think this healing is not something that can happen through Lan Zhan’s love alone. Thank goodness for fanfic and headcanons, eh?

**Gentle reader, this turned out to be more like 50 dollars than two cents. Thank you for reading to the end if you’re still with me!

TL;DR I believe Wei Wuxian’s turning point moment in the story is his dumping into the Burial Mounds. It’s easy to get swept up in how many terrible things happen to him AFTER that in the lead-up to Nightless City, but I genuinely think he could have endured the loss of his Jiang family, the censure of LWJ, and society turning against him if he had not been psychologically broken during his first three months there. The writers, directors, and Xiao Zhan give us a very raw, real version of what trauma looks like with their depiction of post-Burial Mounds WWX, and it is utterly harrowing.

[missytearex]

If you know anything about me, you will know that I love fic and I try to read as much of it as I possibly can. I have loved so many fics from this year and these are the ones that had especially lasting impressions on me. I am so grateful to the authors for sharing their work, so if you check any of these out, remember to leave kudos and a nice comment.

Please note that this list reflects my personal taste and is by no means a “best of 2019″ kind of list. Fics are listed according to posting date.

✨Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices by @toomanydreamers — [fic post]

larry | 126k | mature

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they’re forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

✨ The Lone Hydrangea by @lightwoodsmagic — [fic post]

larry | 77k | explicit

the post Hogwarts AU where Harry’s a florist, Louis’ a muggle who edits fantasy books, and they both have no say in how quickly they fall for each other.

✨ Kill Me/ Heal Me by @millionlittletings — [fic post]

larry | 92k | teen and up

The kingdom of Scotland hasn’t been in peace for decades now. In the heart of the country lies the rivalries, hate, and struggle of power. Amidst the chaos, five young men discover the meaning of life, friendship, love, hate, and heartbreak through their journey. Louis, who is struggling to find a place where he belongs. Niall, who will protect what belongs to him with his life. Zayn, who is learning to navigate through life. Liam, who knows when to use his heart and when to use the brain. Harry, who is set to kill anyone who will come into his way of finding the truth about his mother. From dealing with their personal issues to finding out the real culprit who changed the course of their lives, these five men are set to uncover the deepest and the darkest secrets of the kingdom.

✨ An Unbalanced Force by @kingsofeverything — [fic post]

larry | 110k | explicit

Harry has the rest of his life planned. Marriage. Career. Kids. Happily ever after.

But sometimes plans don’t work out.

That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

✨ Let Our Hearts Collide by @crinkle-eyed-boo — [fic post]

larry | 76k | mature

When Harry, a lonely transit worker, saves the life of the handsome commuter he’s been secretly pining for, an innocent mistake results in Liam Payne’s family believing that Harry is engaged to their son. In the Paynes, Harry finds the big family he’s always longed for…and a love he never saw coming.

A While You Were Sleeping AU

✨ Consequences by @allwaswell16 — [fic post]

larry | 78k | explicit

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au

✨ Shine On (You Crazy Diamond) by @larrymaybe22 — [fic post]

larry | 58k | mature

The year is 1974 and Britain’s glam rock scene is in full swing. Enter Louis, a broke and dejected student who finds himself on a tour bus of all places, working as a roadie for the enigmatic “womanizer” Harry Styles. Along the way, Louis discovers the cruelty of fame and that maybe there is more than meets the eye beyond the curls, cocaine, and crazy suits.

A 1970’s/Glam Rock AU

✨ The Changer and the Changed by @homosociallyyours — [fic post]

larry | 59k | mature

It’s the spring of 1977 and Harry Styles has just moved to New York City after graduating college. She knows she’s a lesbian. She just needs to figure out how to meet other lesbians.

Louis Tomlinson works at a popular women’s bookstore in the Lower East Side, Womon’s Direction, where she spends her days reading feminist literature, writing poetry, exchanging friendly barbs with her boss Niall, and dreaming of finding someone to love.

When Harry and Louis meet, their connection is instantaneous. Slowly but surely, Louis welcomes Harry into her community of women. Stonewall veteran and old school butch Niall; Liam, a land dyke who’s moved to the city for love; and Zayn, a lesbian musician who’s been ostracized by a vocal part of women’s community for being trans, welcome Harry with open arms, ready to help her find her place in New York City’s bustling lesbian scene.

It’s a time of growth for everyone involved.

✨ After Dark, After Light by @becomeawendybird --- [fic post]

larry | 71k | explicit

Harry Styles is the laird of Clan Edwards who is just trying to keep his clan afloat when they get word that the Mackenzies have been cutting a swath through the Midlands and beyond, and their sights are set on the northern Highlands next. In an attempt to garner extra protection for his clan, Harry sets out to mend his father's past wrongs and ally with their neighbors to the west, Clan Sutherland.

Louis Tomlinson is the mysterious commander of the Sutherland army sent back with Harry on orders from his laird to help shore up Clan Edwards' defenses. As the winter draws nearer by the day, the two are thrown together to prepare for the invasion that they expect as soon as the ground thaws.

✨ Tired Tired Sea by @mediawhorefics​ — [fic post]

larry | 113k | mature

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

✨ You Don’t Care About Me (One More Night) by @lululawrence — [fic post]

tomlinshaw | 60k | not rated

“Nick. You’re into guys. What should I do?”

Nick snorted. “You think just ‘cause I’m gay, I know what you should do?”

Louis blinked at him and Nick admired his eyelashes against his will. “Well. Kind of, yeah.”

“That is not how this works,” Nick said. “Besides, it’s not like you can just go and suck someone’s dick to be sure you like it the way I did. You’re too famous to try it my way.”

Louis’ expression changed to one of awe. “That’s how you figured it out? You sucked some random’s dick?”

Nick shrugged. “Yeah. Basically. I mean, I knew for pretty damn sure before that, mind you, but that did solidify the matter for me.”

“I need to suck a dick,” Louis said, turning to look at the wall of Nick’s room.

“You could suck mine, if it would help,” Nick offered before he could stop himself.

Or the one where Louis pines for Harry and Nick helps ease his way into figuring himself out through a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. Things quickly turn complicated.

✨ ferricadooza! by @suspendrs — [fic post]

larry | 65k | not rated

Harry can’t even fathom the idea of surrendering; he’d fight ‘til he died, if he had to, anything to keep from surrendering.

Or, the year is 1963, homosexuality is illegal in the UK, Louis owns a gay bar, and Harry’s an underground boxing champion with an unfortunate enemy.

✨ Baby, I think we might be too cold to float by @forreveries — [fic post]

larry | 81k | mature

Harry is a journalist that goes to Lake Tekapo, New Zealand, to look into a girl’s disappearance after a year of no movement from police. What he finds instead is his ex boyfriend Louis, who, six years earlier, ghosted him after five months of dating in university. A story of trauma, secrets, and the power of finally letting people in.

✨ Not That Gone by @a-brighter-yellow --- [fic post]

larry | 61k | explicit

A few weeks after Louis and Harry, *ahem*, reconnect at their high school reunion, Harry temporarily moves back home. Louis isn't sure he has the emotional fortitude for a prolonged fling with the man of the dreams.

[anarkhebringer]

you have claude and dimitri dating in your modern au right

I do, yes. And since it was brought up, I will now proceed to give a novel’s worth of random info about them, just in case. If it isn’t what you came for, feel free to proceed onwards now, fair anon. And when I say novel length, I mean you’re gonna have to scroll A LOT. This is VERY LONG.

- They got together during their time at the Officers Academy, so they’ve been dating for over five years.

- Happily in love, they are. They were each other’s first for… pretty much everything. First real and serious relationship, first kiss (in Dimitri’s case), first time saying “I love you” to someone, first time uh… doing that… and they’ll be each other’s last for all of it, too.

- They both have a lot of darkness in them, but they’ve helped each other heal and grow stronger as time goes on. Dimitri won’t ever be as stable and functional in society as everyone else due to his traumas and what he experiences every day in his head, but with Claude’s guidance, he’s much better than he would’ve been if he had denied Claude and refused to allow him to bring Dimitri back to his house to clean him up and give him a place to stay on the day of their reunion after five years apart.

- A little extra on the end of that previous bit, that Claude had fully prepared to bring Dimitri back with him, which is why he had bought a house with four bedrooms way before they even reunited. He had planned it all along, whether Dimitri went with him as easily as expected or not. They made an oath to reunite and stay together until the end of their days once they saw each other again, and by every deity to ever exist was Claude going to make sure that was going to happen, no matter what stood in his way. Even if what stood in his way was Dimitri himself. But fortunately, Dimitri was finally able to be talked into coming back home with him, and he was making quick strides because he was finally with Claude again.

- They’ve had their rough spots, but they know each other well enough and love each other enough that there haven’t been any big fights between them yet. There have been some small back-and-forths, but they always cut it short to calm down before it escalates, so even that is super rare for them. Plus the four bedroom thing is for them both to have their own personal bedrooms alongside the shared one they have, so if they want some privacy, they can have it. That’s been a big help for them to keep their relationship going so steady and well for so long.

- Claude is the only one of the two to remember his (and everyone else’s) past lives, and thanks to the circumstances that allowed that to even be possible, he shares some of Dimitri’s traits. He’s like if past Claude and Dimitri’s personalities fused together and the product of that became a sentient being that took on Claude’s appearance. Dimitri has a few Claude traits too, but they’re very minor in comparison to how many traits Claude has of Dimitri. The most important traits Claude picked up in this life are the way he thinks, and what exactly the darkness in his head manifests as. He has constant violent intrusive thoughts, and is always haunted by hundreds upon hundreds of voices that scream out at him in hatred, regret, and agony. 

- Claude willingly took that part of the darkness on, since he promised Dimitri in their past life that he would help him shoulder any burdens that may dare to follow him into the next life. To this day he has no regrets of making that promise so long ago. He would sooner be engulfed in the hottest of hellfire than make Dimitri go through all of this by himself. He’s been in pain with no one to turn to for too long, and Claude has sworn to ease his pains in any way possible.

- They share so many likes, dislikes, loves, and hatreds that they feel the most open and comfortable talking with each other. Felix and Lukas are both runner-ups for Claude in terms of that, but Dimitri has always understood him the best. Partly because they technically share a mind, but that’s not always why. Far from. These two can lazily converse for hours on end with each other, talking about topics ranging from media they enjoy, to training techniques, to dancing, even to just how the clouds in the sky looked particularly pretty at around 3:35 in the afternoon that day. They both love hearing what the other has to say. And having so much alike, but different at the same time, gives countless topics of conversation for them.

- Both are bi, and Claude is also helping Dimitri out involving exploration of his identity further after he confessed to Claude that he doesn’t really fully feel like a man. After some questioning and talking through stuff, Dimitri revealed wishing to explore the genderfluid identity to see if it fits him, and so far he feels it fits him wonderfully. Whenever Dimitri asks Claude to address him in a feminine manner, it’s done with no hesitation or difficulty, and that always makes Dimitri feel really good and happy that he’s not judged or anything. Even when wishing to be addressed in a feminine manner, he still usually prefers he/him pronouns unless Claude mentions it in terms of “this is my girlfriend” or something along those lines. There are some times where Dimitri prefers she/her pronouns to be used, and that also is done with no hesitation or difficulty. Dimitri likes the nickname ‘Dori’ Claude picked out for him during the times of being addressed femininely, since the usual nickname Claude has for him is ‘Dimi’, which is also super short and to the point. Dimitri picked out a temporary full name of Diamond until he found something he liked better and decides to stick with, and Claude went along with that happily.

- Dimitri sometimes asks to join Claude when he heads out with Hilda and Dorothea to go shopping and stuff, and he always comes back with at least one cute clothing item to fill his wardrobe with to try and balance out the masculine clothes he owns with feminine stuff too. He has a few dresses, which made Claude stop and stare when they were worn the first time because he thought Dimitri looked so pretty in them.

- There was also one time that Dimitri wanted some… private wear, shall we say. He went to ask Claude about it of course, but being the flustered person he is over anything that could even be hinted at intimate when not in an intimate moment, he was stuttering and completely red in the face before he even started the sentence to try and ask.

“Claude, I was wanting to know if… i-if you would help me uh… find…”

“Find what, Dimi?”

“Find… hhhhhhh…”

“Take your time, Dimi.”

“F-FRILLY PRIVATE UNDERGARMENTS???”

“…You mean lingerie?”

“…Yes…”

Of course Dimitri got the lingerie he wanted, and he definitely enjoyed how much Claude enjoyed it, too. It was easy for Claude to find it, since the site he ordered his own off of has stuff for people with Dimitri’s type of body, too. And since there was a special kind that had pride flags as a color option, Claude got them both bi flag versions, and got himself a trans flag version, and Dimitri a genderfluid flag version too.

- They’re both super protective of each other and how others treat them in terms of their identities.

- They’re both the kind that can do both and rock it in terms of outfits. You’ll sometimes see them both in suits, other times you’ll see them in gowns. Just depends on what they both wanna do.

- Claude doesn’t want to have any surgeries, and isn’t on T either, and he’s fully supported. As a plus, he gets super happy when he cuddles Dimitri close during particularly hard times, and Dimitri situates to use his chest as a pillow since it’s big enough for that. It never fails to make Claude smile when he sees how much more comfortable and at peace Dimitri is when he has his head there, and is able to ground himself easier with the steady sound of Claude’s heartbeat.

- There was a single time Claude tried binding, and that was back at the Officer’s Academy. He and Dimitri had been in Claude’s room, and Dimitri had been letting his hands wander a bit as they were kissing, and one had snaked its way under Claude’s shirt. Needless to say Dimitri fell into a panic because he worried he pushed forward way too suddenly without asking because he’d never seen Claude wear a binder before, even though Claude was only thrown off by how worried it made Dimitri. After that, he never did it again and just went back to wearing bras all the time. He didn’t really like how binding felt anyway, so he planned to not do it again as is. That situation just made it more sure that he was gonna never do it again and to hurry up and take the damned thing off soon so he could put his bra back on.

- These two have no plans to get married, since there’s a lot of money, stress, and tradition tied in with all that, and those are things they want no part of if they don’t have to be. Plus they know they don’t have to be married for their love to be valid and legitimate. They can grow old together without being married, and won’t ever care about people thinking that marriage is what makes it what it is. Though if there were a way they could be privately married without all that involved without having to travel a lot to find someone who does weddings like that, they would have been married a long time ago.

This is where I’ll stop, so thank you if you read this far! Also…

Trans and genderfluid rights, like, freakin’ rule, y’all.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey! Will go on a 10-day trip soon and I was thinking i would like to save some fics just in case i don t have data over there. Share some longer stories? (also really loving your blog, million heart emojis from me)

Hi Nonny!

Oh gosh, that’s exciting!! I love long trips! And lucky for you I LOVE long fics, because they’re perfect for a long trip! (that and I have SO MANY FICS for 20 to 25 and 25 to 50 that I had to choose one or the other for you, LOL). 

Lucky for you I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to share that very list!! BUT if you prefer some longer fics, check out these past lists I made:

Top 20 Fave 40K+ w. Fics (April 2017)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018) 

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. (May 2019)

Smut-Free Fics Over 50K (Aug. 2019)

Otherwise, I think these fics will be perfect for your trip! And as always, I sort them by length so if you want longer fics, check out the bottom of the list and work your way up, or just want something that will last you a plane ride or a day of relaxation, check out the top to bottom!

—–

NOVELLA-LENGTH FICS: 25 to 50K w. (Aug 2019)

Among the Secret Things by Kate_Lear for coloredink (E, 26,073 w., 14 Ch. || Angst, Drama, Amnesia) – Sherlock would be the last person to describe himself as given to flights of fancy, but at the look on Lestrade’s face he could swear that something inside him curls up and dies. Part 1 of Among the Secret Things

Dropping the Act by jadztone (T, 27,258 w., 10 Ch. || Parentlock, Fake Relationship, Mary’s Family, Post-S4, Cuddling & Snuggling, Bed Sharing, Pining, Christmas) – Sherlock and John are quite happy living together with Rosie in Baker St. They might be even happier if they didn’t act towards each other like their love is only platonic. Mycroft brings troubling news in the form of Mary’s parents wanting to know just what their grandchild’s home life is like. The boys decide to spend Christmas pretending like they are in love in order to seem more like a "normal" family. It's easy enough to pretend when all you're doing is dropping the act.

And A Doctor by StillWaters1 (T, 27,393 w., 6 Ch. || Friendship, Doctor John, Whump, Soldier / Doctor Dichotomy, Five and One) – It was only when people actually saw John working as a physician that they began to understand: that it wasn't just about bullets and IEDs and trauma care under fire. That "doctor" actually covered a pretty wide field. And that John was bloody good at covering ground. 5 times Dr. Watson treated others and 1 time he treated himself.

Don't Leave Anything Out by lookupkate (E, 27,422 w., 24 Ch. || Letters / Epistolary, Misunderstandings, Angst, Happy Ending, Alternate Meeting, Sherlock in Love, Pining Sherlock) – The first letter John writes home from Afghanistan is meant to go to a woman he went on only one date with. How it ends up in Sherlock's hands is completely innocent. What happens next is not. What do you do when you find out the person you're in love with has been lying about something as monumental as who they are? What do you do when you're the one who lied?How on earth do you put the pieces back together?

Vena Cava by SilentAuror (E, 27,452, 1 Ch. || H/C, Infidelity, Angst, HLV Fix-It, Romance) – Sherlock has been shot in the chest; John has been shot in the heart. Though everything is broken, they do their best to heal the wounds that Mary left on them both.

Trust Me, Trust Nobody by BlueMoonOnTheRise (T, 27,751 w., 10 Ch. || Kidnapping, Friendship / No Slash, Adventure, Trust Issues) – Whatever he told Mycroft, John trusted Sherlock almost instantly. When a new case shows up - smattered with the usual thrill of danger, death and cool logic - such trust ends up pushed to its very limits...

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

Silhouettes by allonsys_girl (E, 28,585 w., 7 Ch. || Canon Compliant, POV John, Heavy Drinking, Sad/Depressed John, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Reunion, Foot Jobs, Blow Jobs, Infidelity, Cheating, Drug Use/Abuse, Anal, Switchlock, Rimming, Parentlock) – Sherlock and John find comfort in each other's arms, but as ever with these two, it's not your typical relationship. It's fluffy at the beginning, gets deeply angsty in the middle, gets porny at the end.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w., 9 Ch. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

An Experiment in Apathy Series by belovedmuerto (G to E, 28,701 w. across 13 stories || Empath John, Empath-by-Proxy Sherlock, Epic Bromance Becomes Romance, Angst, Nightmares, Experiments, Trauma, Dreams) – "No man is an island, John. You less so than most." A sequel to the EiE Series, wherein John and Sherlock explore their relationship.

To be Loved by You by TwisterMelody (M, 28,775 w., 1 Ch. || Angst, H/C, Friends to Lovers, Post-HLV, Infidelity, Character Death) – Too many times they had confessed themselves in the darkness, leaving it there, never to speak of it again.  But this is different.  This love deserves the light of day.

To Mend Icarus by AlessNox (T, 29,186 w., 14 Ch. || Post-TRF, Friendship, Drama, BAMF!John, Emotional Turmoil, Introspection, Harry is in this Fic, Angry John, Happy Ending, Queerplatonic Relationship) – After a case lands John Watson in court, he tells Sherlock that he is leaving. Not understanding why, Sherlock decides that the only way to learn the truth is to investigate his flatmate, Dr. John Watson. A revision of the story Mending Icarus.

The Wisteria Tree by SilentAuror (E, 29,773 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Emotional Love Making, Amnesia/Memory Loss, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Sherlock POV, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Est. Rel., Retirement) – Sherlock wakes up from a month-long coma only to discover that he has no memory of the previous six years to his own shock as well as John's...

M Is For Moriarty by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 29,882 w., 12 Ch. || Suspense, Mystery, Case Fic, Worried Sherlock, No Slash, Whump) – A figure at the end of the hospital bed; a needle in the dark...Moriarty has John, and Sherlock must follow the paper trail through London to find him before time runs out. Sequel to BANG.

"finally kiss the bloody idiot" by Salambo06 (E, 29,812 w., 13 Ch. || Mutual Pining, Declarations of Love, First Kiss / Time, Angst, Misunderstandings, Fantasies POV John) – Inspired by a fic idea on tumblr : "John and Sherlock know the Yard has a pool going for when they’re finally going to get together. It’s been running forever, and it’s worth thousands of pounds. It’s all fun and games, hahaha, until they find out Lestrade is in dire financial straits (dog needs emergency surgery, he’s putting his kid through gymnastics training, I don’t know, something), and they decide to fake a relationship to win the pool for him. Sherlock figures out the day and way that Lestrade thinks it’s going to happen, and they act it out. It’s all for a good cause, fake relationship style, until it’s not." Part 1 of The Pool

Another Auld Lang Syne by DiscordantWords (M, 30,234 w., 31 Ch. || Post S4, Mutual Pining, Alternating POV, Introspection, Parentlock, Christmas, New Year’s, First Kiss, Past Drug Use, Angst with Happy Ending, Drinking, Sherlock Whump) – There had been years of missed chances.

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Rel., Roadtrips, Slow Burn) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

The Kissing Disease by cottonballz_of_death (E, 30,856 w., 15 Ch. || Sick Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Case Fic, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Jealous Sherlock, Body Image Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional H/C, POV Sherlock, Oral / Anal, Thong, Frottage) – John brings home a boyfriend, shocking Sherlock, who long ago gave up hope that his straight flatmate would ever take a romantic interest in him. In a bid to reconnect with John, he tries to infect himself with a "harmless" virus. Neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout that results.

An Acquired Taste by kinklock (E, 31,059 w., 4 Ch. || Vampires AU || Vampire Sherlock, Misunderstandings, Bat!Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Humour, Magical Realism, Fluff and Angst, Blood Drinking, Holmes Family, Slow Burn) – At Montague Street when Sherlock was forced to sate his body’s needs, he was at least able to wander about the flat as much as he pleased. At Baker Street, it was mini-bags in a mini-fridge and bedroom confinement.

Shallow Grave by SilentAuror (E, 31,672 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Angst, HLV Fix It, Infidelity, Pining Sherlock, First Person POV Sherlock) – Starts as Sherlock's plane is taking off at the end of His Last Vow. When he finds out that Moriarty is alive and that he's being recalled from his mission, Sherlock decides that he should have told John how he felt before he left. So he walks off the plane and kisses him.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w., 11 Ch. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Here Comes The Sun by JennLynn77 (E, 32,126 w., 15 Ch. || Post S4/TFP, John Whump, Caring Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Emotional Sex, First Time, Virgin Sherlock, Switchlock, Cuddling/Snuggling, Surgery/Injury Recovery, Endearments, Anal, Hand Jobs, Porn with Feels) – John suffers an injury and needs surgery. Sherlock, and those around him, help John recover. Along the way, John and Sherlock realise what they mean to each other, and what they've had together all this time.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w., 1 Ch. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It's a lot less cracky than you're probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

Five Times They Kissed for a Case, and One Time They Kissed for Real by fleetwood_mouse (M, 32,406 w., 6 Ch. || 5+1, Slow Burn, Fluff / Angst, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers) – A stolen ring! An artful blogger! And many more adventures for your enjoyment.

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,690 w., 8 Ch. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Our Enthusiasms Which Cannot Always Be Explained by withoutawish (M, 32,961 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas, Fluff and Angst, H/C, Post-TRF, Case Fic, Mild Gore, Sherlock Whump) – The list that is tacked haphazardly on the refrigerator of 221B reads, ‘Kidney(s), and/or a full cadaver (preferably male, late 30s, under six feet tall), bag of fresh toes, sixteen cow’s eyes (corneas retained), dual exhaust hand –held flame thrower, an unopened first edition copy of Joseph Conrad’s 'Heart of Darkness', and no less than ten abhorrently gruesome murders in the upcoming month.” The one neatly hanging next to it simply reads, “Sex.” One of these lists is not John Watson’s. If John Watson were to put what he really wanted in list form, to live in a land somewhere beyond ‘almosts' now that Sherlock Holmes has indeed returned to him, he would never be able to look his flatmate in the eye ever again.

Chaperones by MissDavis (T, 34,114 w., 7 Ch. || 11 Years Post-S4, Fake Relationship, Parentlock, Disney World, Bed / Room Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fluff, First Kiss, Obsessive Sherlock, Insecure John) – Right. Of course. Everyone assumed they were a couple and no one would question it. John put his elbows up on the table so he could rest his head in his hands. "You want to pretend to be a couple so we can chaperone a trip to Disney World with Rosie's class and you won't have to share a room with a stranger?" "Exactly." Sherlock beamed at him. "Don't worry about the cost. The Birmingham case last month paid more than enough to cover expenses for all three of us."

Pater Noster by SilentAuror (E, 34,256 w., 2 Ch. || Case Fic, HLV+, Family Trauma, Sherlock POV, Villain Mary) – During the autumn that John is staying at Baker Street again after Sherlock was shot, he ruminates over the similarity between Sherlock's shot and the one that killed his father when he was fifteen. Cold case meets series 3 fix-it. Part I takes place entirely within His Last Vow, Part II takes place starting at the end of HLV and continues after.

Bedtime Stories by Liketheriver (M, 34,388 w., 1 Ch. || Emotional H/C, Romance, Angst & Humour, Bed Sharing, John First Person, TRF, John Whump) – John's POV during Season 2 and beyond when Sherlock takes up semi-permanent residence in his bed. A collection of codas and missing scenes wrapped up into one long fic and topped with a bow that takes the story beyond Reichenbach and into happy territory once more. Part 1 of Bedtime Universe

carrying up his morning tea by darcylindbergh (E, 34,504 w., 5 Ch. || Post S3, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Wakes/Funerals, Estranged John, Pining Sherlock, Depression/Insecurity, Slow Burn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Chronic Pain/Injury, Reconciliation, Awkwardness, Loneliness, Scars, Heavy Angst With Happy Ending) – His fingers tremble as he dials and he can’t force them steady. Familiar number, even though he hasn’t used it in two years. He isn’t even sure he should be calling it now, but she’d asked. She’d made him promise.

Inexplicable by emmagrant01 (E, 34,664 w., 6 Ch. || Body Swap, TSo3, Magical Realism / Artifacts, Infidelity, Angst) – So what was in that matchbox, anyway? John and Sherlock find out, the hard way.

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w., 10 Ch. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock's five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

The Yellow Poppies by SilentAuror (E, 34,952 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Nightmares, HLV Fix-It, PTSD, Trauma, POV Sherlock, Doctor John) – Sherlock is threatened and assaulted in the hospital immediately after having been shot in the heart, first by Mary, then by Magnussen. As he recovers at Baker Street with John and plans the attack on Appledore with Mycroft, he fights to work through the trauma caused by these two visits. Set during His Last Vow.

LHR-HNL by scullyseviltwin (E, 35,066 w., 7 Ch. || Hawaiian Vacation, Post-TRF, Friends To Lovers, Slow Burn, Just Talk Already, Drinking, Mutual Pining) – In need of an endangered flora sample, Sherlock and John must make a trip to an unexpected destination.

That Partitioning of the Things of Youth by wearitcounts (E, 35,353 w., 7 Ch. || Humour and Angst, Post-TRF, Fake Relationship, UST / RST, Friends to Lovers, Jealous John) – Victor Trevor is in town, and nobody's happy.

The Wrong Wagon by DancingGrimm (E, 35,663 w., 20 Ch. || Alternating POV, Molly x John [Molly pines for John], Public Sex, Casual Sex, Obliviousness, BAMF!John, Awkwardness, Angst & Humour, First Time, Virgin Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock) – Molly sees John in a new light and realises that she may have hitched her horse to the wrong wagon...or something like that. John pines for Sherlock and worries what he will think if he ever finds out. And Sherlock doesn't know what Molly's up to...but he knows he doesn't like it.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157 w., 4 Ch. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 36,420 w., 7 Ch. || A Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Prince Sherlock, Soldier John, Alternating POV, First Kiss, Bittersweet Ending, Homophobia, Dancing) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Malediction by MapleleafCameo (M, 36,680 w., 11 Ch. || Ladyhawke AU || Magical Realism, Romance, Curses, Eventual Happy Ending) – Cursed to a half-life, John and Sherlock must fight the forces of evil to be reunited once again.

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won't let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

The Unfinished Letters by SilentAuror (E, 37,391 w. , 1 Ch.|| Post S3 / S3 / HLV Fix it, Angst with Happy Ending, Romance, Infidelity, Depression, Case Fic, POV Third Person Sherlock, Love Confessions, Pining Sherlock, Letters) – A fire at Baker Street leads John to read something he was never intended to see: a notebook of half-written, unfinished letters Sherlock wrote during his time away...

Turn Left at the Park by Glenmore (NR (E), 37,409 w., 28 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting / ASiP Divergence, Case Fic, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Loneliness, No Mary, Possessive Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, Nightmares/PTSD, Sherlock Saves John, Sherlock Whump-ish, Doctor John) – So what would have happened if John hadn't walked through the park and met Stamford?What if, instead, he walked around the park and just went home?

Goodness Gives Extras by mydwynter (E, 39,629 w., 6 Ch. || Fluff & Angst, Case Fic, Oral / Anal, Humour, First Time, Miscommunication, Snark, Christmas) – Christmas time. 'Tis the season to settle down with a drink, some food and a present or two, and to enjoy the quiet relaxation of the holiday. Instead, there's a case that drags them all over, missing presents, disappointed kids, angry parents, and a freak snowfall. On top of that John has to deal with Sherlock, who is being even more of a prat than usual. He really shouldn't have expected anything different.

Act IV by SilentAuror (E, 39,707 w., 1 Ch. || First Person POV Sherlock, HLV Fix-It, Indifelity, Angst, Drama) – After Sherlock is shot, John moves back into Baker Street. They spend the autumn together as John tries to make sense of his life and make some important decisions about both Mary and Sherlock. Canon-compliant, excerpts from His Last Vow.

A Week is Just Seven Days Isn't It? by scifigrl47 (T, 39,906 w., 4 Ch. || Humour, Friendship/Bromance, Stroppy/Bored Sherlock, Undercover/Army John, Texting, Pining-ish Sherlock, John Whump) – When John heads overseas for a week, Sherlock's forced to fend for himself. It goes about as well as anyone could have anticipated. Which is to say, very, very poorly. Don't worry, things'll be fine in just seven days.

(Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea by DiscordantWords (M, 39,968 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It || Grief / Mourning, Victor Trevor, Friendship, Sherlock is Not Okay, Nightmares/Flashbacks/Panic Attacks, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John Comes Home) – Baker Street is very much the same. Only different. And Sherlock is just trying not to drown.

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

The Curious Adventure of the Drs. Watson by ShinySherlock (M, 40,883 w., 14 Ch. || BBC & ACD Fusion || Victorianlock, Time Travel / Magical Realism, Friends to Lovers, Love and Kissing, Romance, Body Swap) – What if ACD Watson and BBC Watson switched places...  “Imposter!” Hands clenching the lapels of John’s coat, Holmes shoved him anew. “Yes!” John agreed, nodding, and then grimacing. “Sort of!”

There's Someone On Your Shoulder by halloa_what_is_this (NR, 41,215 w., 6 Ch. || Pining Sherlock, Introspection, Daydreams, Sherlock Loves John So Much it Hurts) – Sherlock trips and falls head over heels in love, makes a lot of lists and stares, stares, stares.

The Semantics of Crop Circle Formation: a case study by Sherlock Holmes [unpublished] bycanolacrush (M, 41,710 w., 9 Ch. || Sherlock POV, Aliens, Wordplay, Casefic) – “Look at these photographs,” I said, gesturing to the wall of crop circles. “What do you observe?”“Crop circles,” John replied.“Obvious. What else?”“Are…are those intestines surrounding them?” “Yes. The majority are bovine and ovine in origin. The farmers who have acquired these crop circles in their fields have also had a tenth of their livestock murdered and arranged thus.” “Why?” John said, presumably in a rhetorical fashion. I detest rhetorical questions. “That is what I must find out, John.”

Resistivity and Relative Charge by liriodendron (E, 41,770 w., 8 Ch. || Synesthesia, Angst, Case Fic, Romance, Est. Rel., Homophobia, Religious Content, Victor Trevor, Mild Jealous John, Mild John Whump) – In which Sherlock Holmes meets an old acquaintance, John Watson doesn't enjoy a trip to the country quite as much as he thought he would, and the past absolutely refuses to stay where it belongs. Part 3 of Conductivity

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w., 4 Ch. ||  H/C, Injury, Slow Burn, Infidelity, Mary is Not Nice) – When John's left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she's about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

In the Still of the Night by SilentAuror (E, 42,234 w., 1 Ch. || S4 Fix It / Post-S4, Sherlock POV, Angst, Drama, Romance, Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Misunderstandings / Miscommunications, Case Fic, Travelling, Pining) – As locals on the Northeastern coast begin to report UFO sightings, life at Baker Street becomes significantly awkward as John brings up his desire for more than friendship and Sherlock refuses him. They embark on the investigation from the confines of the tiny cottage Mycroft has rented for them, attempting to navigate both the clues of the case as well as their own inability to communicate...

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

Bloody But Unbowed by BeautifulFiction (E, 43,211 w., 8 Ch. || Abduction, John Whump, Mild Torture, Background Case Fic, Friends to Lovers, Post-TRF / S3 Rewrite, Hurt/Comfort) – When a familiar argument threatens to destroy the last remnants of John and Sherlock's failing friendship, both men are left questioning their worth to one another. Before either of them has the chance to make amends, circumstance intervenes. John is left at the mercy of his abductors, and this time, he's not sure Sherlock will bother coming to his rescue.

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w., 10 Ch. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

The Case of the Vanishing Pants by SwissMiss (E, 44,025 w., 6 Ch. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, UST, Homophobia, Friends to Lovers) – Five times John and Sherlock lost their pants in the course of a case.

Sentenced by SarahKnight (T, 44,777 w., 30 Ch. || Dev. Rel., Alternate S4 Canon, Drama, Angst, Pining, Feelings are Hard) – Virtual series 4 opener. Sherlock's in prison being targeted by a murderer, John's married to a pregnant assassin and Moriarty's back.

Left by lifeonmars (M, 45,153 w., 9 Ch. || Magical Realism) – John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

The Real Great Perfumers by shelleysprometheus (E, 45,355 w., 68 Ch. || Case Fic, Alternating POV, Gay Sherlock / Bi John, Canon Compliant with Divergence at TRF, Friends to Lovers, Oral / Anal, Pining, First Kiss / Time, Dev. Rel., Drugging, Body Worship, Bathing, Love Confessions, Travelling, Bottomlock, Cranky Sherlock, BJ’s, Alternating POV, Jealous John) – The case, this case. This extraordinary, fascinating, scintillating case. A house. Designed entirely by its eccentric owner, built by no less than five hundred expert tradesmen in the heart of Marrakesh. A house that had, seemingly not only driven its owner out, but also to his quite unpleasant death. And a perfumer, a chemist no less, the very thought of the secrets that house could reveal, would reveal was irresistible. Sherlock had to have this case ... and it seems, he also had to have John! Part 1 of the Forethought and Fire series

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || Casefic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T, 47,798 w., 9 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Slow Burn, Post TRF Angst) – Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock's faked death and return.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w., 84 Ch. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most.An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete.(This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

Holmes is where the heart is by Rose de Sharon (T, 49,636 w., 13 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Post-TRF, Reunion Fic, Bromance, Empty House Inspired, Adventure) – Three years after the Reichenbach Fall. On the anniversary of Sherlock's death, John pays a visit at 221 B Baker Street… and he gets the shock of his life.

Bedroom Tales by Junejuly15 (M, 49,950 w., 22 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Through the Years, H/C, Military Kink, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Insecure Sherlock, Voyeurism, Post-TRF, Ficlets, Fluff and Angst, Fix-It Fics) – Bedroom Tales is a collection of John and Sherlock ficlets. They are set at various stages of their relationship and are in no particular order. Some are fluffy, some sexy, some angsty, there is hurt and comfort, romance and love. What unites them is that they all play in a bedroom, but not necessarily the one in 221B.

A Love with No Name Series by aceofhearts61 (M, 49,955 w. across 20 fics || Ace!Sherlock / Straight!John, Queerplatonic Relationship, Cuddling/Snuggling, Soulmates, Caretaking, Platonic Romance) – In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.