#went allllll day today not seeing it

[bidokja]

i want to say I showed up at that Uriel v Castiel poll when it said “less than one minute remaining” but we did it

I WAS CELEBRATING AND THEN I SAW THE FINAL COUNT OF VOTES WAS 4949 AND I AM. HAUNTED. NO ESCAPE. MY OWN PERSONAL HARBINGER.

[stars4gojo]

I know it won’t work 

Gojo x reader // established!relationship, angst, breakups & arguments, happy ending(???) // 849 words 

You and Gojo have been unable to see eye to eye for a while now, talking to him feels like talking to a wall and you think he doesn’t want to try anymore.

And part of me wants to walk away till you really listen. 

You stand in the kitchen of your shared apartment, mindlessly humming to yourself. 

You pay no mind to your boyfriend who’s been mindlessly seated on the couch ever since he came home. 

His usual energetic and loving demeanour switched with a more intense energy, he’s been grumbling under his breath since he walked in - you assumed he went on a long tough mission, nothing some cuddles and kisses couldn’t fix.

“Toruuu” you lovingly call out his name.

“What?” His brash tone replies back but you choose to ignore it. 

“Dinner’s almost ready why don’t you go wash up?” 

“I’m fine y/n don’t wanna eat.” He mumbled back.

You stop what you’re doing as you turn towards him, tilting your head in confusion as you read his expression.

“But I made your favourite.” You add, trying to convince him to eat the dinner you made with so much love and care.

He sighed agitatedly as he replied, “I’m not hungry.” 

You put your lips in a tight smile as you went to wash your hands before cupping his face.

“Alright you big baby, let me help you wash off your wounds atleast?” You said in hopes of making him feel better to which he begrudgingly agreed to.

“I’ll tell you allllll about my day.” You spoke while little giggles escaped your mouth.

You make him sit back at the couch as you take his hands in yours, starting to carefully wipe the blood that’s on his hands.

“I made a new friend today in Uni.” You started as he hissed at the feeling of the wipes touching his wound.

“She’s new to my psychology class and she was really sweet, might go for coffee with her tomorrow.” You continued.

“Oh and funny story!” You added excitedly not noticing how annoyed and agitated your boyfriend kept getting.

“She didn’t have a pen so I gave her one of mine but she didn’t give it back and I am not sure how to ask her back it might get too awkw-“ 

“Grow a back bone!” You look up to your boyfriend who had very rudely just interrupted you.

“It’s just a pen ask her to give it back or get over it.” His blue eyes pierced into yours as he shoved your hand off of his.

You stood up as your eyes filled with tears, not knowing how to react to his sudden outburst of anger. 

“I’m sorry Toru I didn-“ you started but were again quickly interrupted by Gojo. 

“All you do is talk and talk and talk, why don’t you shut u-“ He paused his speech as he looked into your eyes that were now definitely spilling tears.

He sighed deeply before starting again, “No, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.” But it was too late now.

“Toru you have no right to be mad at me for this!” It was your turn now.

“All you do is wake up before I’m awake and go off to work only to come home after I’m asleep, and the oh so lucky days where you’re home on time you’re in a sour mood and you take it all out on me.”

Your balls fisted in anger as you tried controlling your emotions.

“I will not be your scapegoat anymore, I am not the only person in this relationship. I want you to talk to me.” You added as your eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

“We are talking.” Gojo replied, venom dripping from his tongue.

“Are we Satoru?” You softly asked back.

“I don’t want to fight.” He admitted quietly as he looked away. 

“Can’t we talk tomorrow?” He asked while rubbing his eyes in exhaustion.

“What if there’s no tomorrow Satoru? I can’t deal with this anymore, I don’t want to put everything into a relationship where you no longer try and make me feel like I’m talking to a wall.” You said as you flopped on the opposite couch to him.

“I’m trying my best y/n” 

“What if your best is not enough for me?”

And to no surprise he had no reply

“Is this it then? You’re gonna give up on us? Just gonna walk away and throw away the last 10 years?” You questioned back.

“I don’t want to throw any of this away, I love you y/n” he replied back, the atmosphere becoming strangely calm.

“I’m going to bed, please be ready to talk like an adult tomorrow.” You whispered quietly as he watched your slumped figure walk to your shared bedroom.

He didn’t want it to end this way, you were his forever - his biggest supporter, his best friend and his first love but as he watched you stumble away, he knew he couldn’t do anything about it. He was the one who ruined it in the first place and you’ve been so quietly trying to make it work for the sake of it, picking up behind the mess he created. He loved you too much to give up on this - he knew that it was up to him to make it right now. 

Masterlist

[froggy-demon]

Oh Deer - Part Four

A/N: thank you again for all of the support!! I had to rewrite this one a couple of times because I just couldn’t decide, I hope you like it <3 I’m so excited to share my writings and I’m so astonished every time y’all leave nice comments I love them so much, thank you!! All of that said, enjoy!

Chapter Summery: Lilly is treated to a glamorous night out under the Vs’ roof, accompanied by a familiar demon, angst and tension ensues.

Masterlist | Part Five

——————————————————————————

I rolled my eyes, again, and waved away the idea. “No way, we both know Alastor fucking hates me, he just hates Lucifer more I guess.” Angel was positive that Alastor was sincere in his display earlier, I was not quite as delusional though. “He quite literally said he was fucking around.” I added. Even if I found myself fascinated with the demon, I wasn’t so naive to think that feeling went both ways.

“Maybe, or maybe he just wanted an excuse.” Angel paused and had a look of realization on his face as he broke out into a smile. “If you want some real attention though, y’know the Vs are throwing that big party if Velvette ain’t already dragging you to it you could be my plus one! Val usually keeps me pretty fucking busy all night, but they are actually pretty fun. Lots of cute demons and free booze if you know what I mean!” Angle said with a wink and laughed. That’s not a terrible idea actually, get out a little and have some fun. My streak hasn’t been so great recently so I could really use a win on that front.

“Y’know that actually does sound fun. Velvette hasn’t brought it up at all yet so she probably won’t need me there, but I also don’t have anything to wear for it, I’ll need something new. I could use some retail therapy anyway.” I said and rested my head on top of the pillow in my lap smiling. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that! Angel lit up at the sound of going shopping.

“Oh I will make sure you are the best dressed demon in the whole fucking party, don’t worry about that tuts! We want something that will show you you off!” He held up his fingers like he was mimicking a camera taking pictures of me. “You got it all babe! The tits, the ass, the smile! They are going to eat you up, especially once I’m done with you!” He ranted making me laugh. I don’t think in my whole before and afterlife I’ve ever heard someone describe me that way. “I’m serious! Al will see what he’s missing tomorrow night!” Angel teased very proud of his scheme.

“This has nothing to do with him, but I do like that idea. As soon as I get off work we need to hit the shops so we still have enough time.” I said trying to plan out the next night. Angel agreed and we worked out the time table to make sure we would stay on track. Work, then shop, then hotel to get ready, then back across town to the party. Excellent, tomorrow night will be all about what I want, it’s been a while since I could say that.

After a couple more hours of giggling and gossip, like hearing allllll about how Husk and Angel made eye contact today and it was riveting, we settle down to fall asleep while the purple lights twinkled above our heads. I tried to calm my mind, but it raced just thinking about tomorrow. This party is for high profile souls, overlords and wealthy demons in hell, hopefully I don’t stick out too much, but I like to think I’ve learned a good amount from my work. Maybe it will be enough to actually go a whole night without thinking about the radio demon, I can only hope.

The next morning there was a renewed joy in my step as I walked down to the kitchen to make my morning coffee. It didn’t matter that it was far too early to be awake, or that I was about to be yelled at for the next ten hours of my day, no, I would do it all with a smile because today I actually had something to look forward to. I cozied up in a chair in the lounge with my mug and breathed in the steam while I watched the fire in the fireplace dance.

1-2-click 1-2-click 1-2-click

I can’t help but wonder what makes him need to be up so early, what business could he have at 4am? He walked through the lounge and I tried to hide the fact that I was watching by playing on my phone. I couldn’t stop myself from taking in the sight of him with curious eyes, he was less put together than usual. His ears were tucked back and he wasn’t wearing his waistcoat. It was an odd sighting for him to not have it on. Without it you could see his sleeve garters which gave him an almost rugged look like he had been pouring over his desk for hours, and then you could see his little deer tail. He didn’t greet me and I was not going to be the first one of us to say anything so he passed through the room quietly. After he did, I took another sip of my coffee. Maybe his broadcast had given him some sort of trouble, or perhaps he had been returning to his M.O. from before his absence of torturing souls he saw fit on the air. I don’t care to listen to his broadcasts, when anything important happens I will know either from sinstigram or Velvette yelling about it the next day.

After a few more minutes of enjoying the peace and quiet of the early morning hotel I cleaned my mug out and made my way to work.

Upon arriving I could tell I was going to have a few extra duties today. They were already decorating the main event space elsewhere in the building, I could tell by the exorbitant number of tables and decor being moved around through the halls, and if there is one thing Velvette loves it is to micromanage how something looks. I go up to the studio and start collecting my clipboard and the ever growing list of what must get done today. Between keeping tv personalities well dressed, reshoots for the launch of Velvette’s fashion line, and now the party I think I’m going to need a second pair of arms. I guess that’s what we have the studio aids for.

“I need the Art Director for Velvette’s line in the studio, we need to confirm details and revisions.” I spoke into my earpiece and waited for confirmation before moving onto the next task and then the task after that. Finally some time later Velvette joined us in the studio and started barking her own orders as well. I joined the collection of demons flocking to her side for their morning abuse.

“Fucking finally, Lilly I need you to make sure everyone to set downstairs before you leave today. Make sure you have the vision plan and everything else I had them work up so you actually know what the fuck you’re supposed to be checking. If a single fucking chair is at the wrong angle it is your fault. Me and Vox have put too much fucking work into this party tonight for it not to look right I need perfection from you today. Even the seven bloody deadly sins are coming so if anything is not exactly the way I fucking pictured it, your leash will become very short.” She ordered and I nodded quietly. “Until then I need the stupid fucking art director for my line up here now!”

“Yes Ma’am. The Art Director is waiting for you with the concept photos for final approval.” I stated. She smiled, not exactly rare, but not exactly common especially while she was working.

“Finally you use that fucking brain of yours to get shit ready before I have to tell you to. How refreshing! In that case find the makeup artists, they keep running off to hell knows what and I’m this close to snapping one of them in half to set a fucking example, ungrateful little shits!” And with that she left to yell at the next soul she could find.

I spoke into my earpiece again, “Creative Director for Events, where are you? We need to check in immediately.” Upon confirmation that they were downstairs in the event space I headed there myself and we went over the binders of planning and inspiration the Vs had laid out. The event hall was really more like a grand ballroom, as hypermodern as the Vs were, it would seem they still found charm in some old world aesthetics. With massive crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, white marble floors, and dramatically draped floor length windows, it nearly looked straight out of a period piece. The colors for the party were blue and black, sounds like Vox won that argument. The tables were being set up with black tablecloths and vibrant blue hydrangeas, I didn’t even know you could grow those in hell. There were demons running all around the space sweeping, bringing things in, decorating the stage, the bar, exchanging the drapes out to match the color scheme.

I checked every chair and table to make sure they were level, every centerpiece for dead flowers and leaves, the stage for splinters, the drapes for snugs in the fabric. “Do we have the staff apparel ready?” I asked the director. She was a short demon who was lizard like with one large eye in the center of her head.

“No, we hadn’t coordinated that yet.” Of course not. I mentally rolled my eyes, luckily costuming was my bread and butter.

“I’ll handle that then, how much staff will there be tonight?” I asked clicking my pen so I could jot in down. 100 serves, 10 bartenders, 5 bands, 45 miscellaneous staff on the floor, okay, doable. “Keep a handle on everything down here, I’ll track all of that down, do not let them fuck it up.” I said and she gave a polite nod. Awesome, 160 coordinated outfits, because that won’t take all day or anything.

I spent a good few hours tracking down various sizes of royal blue suit vests and dress pants, royal blue suit jackets, royal blue button up shirts and black ties, royal blue knee length skirts, shoes, but it was possible with the size of our costuming department. By the end of the day I had neatly organized racks of outfits for each position and each size with a skirt or pants option. Staff was just beginning to trickle in the door and I assigned a few studio aids to help make sure everyone had the clothes they required for the night. Before it was too late I did one last once over of the ballroom. Centerpieces were good, chairs good, all the ambient candles were lit, I could see the bartenders just beginning to organize the bars, the bands were setting up their equipment, I think I might have actually pulled this one off.

I breathe a sigh of relief and I finish triple checking my work. Everything is set in place which leaves only one more thing: myself. I handover to the Event Manager who has arrived for the evening and she thanks me for getting us here, something I’m not very used to hearing. I thank her and text Angel Dust that I’m on my way out the door at work and am heading out to pick out a dress. He immediately texts back that he is on his way to the front of the building as well and we will meet there. I gather myself and get there just as he is.

Angel is in good spirits as he links his lower arm with mine, which is still a bit tall for me, and we start wadding through shop after shop. We know we are on a time crunch, but Angel seems to have something very specific in mind. Finally after trying on at least two dozen dresses and probably half as many shops, when I step out of the dressing room his eyes light up and a big smile spreads across his face.

“Oh baby, that is the one!” He spins me toward the mirror and I can’t help but feel a little self conscious. “You are going to be turning heads all fucking night in this little number! We might need to hire security for you!” I laughed at the idea and attempted to pull the hem down just an inch more. It was a very short black, strapless dress with a wide square neckline and a low back. It came with a pair of matching black elbow length gloves and I could already imagine how I would pair it with accessories at home. He was right though, it looked stunning. It hugged every square inch of my body and admittedly had more cleavage than I was used to as it seemed to defy physics by still being supportive, it was beautiful.

“Angel, it might be too much, I don’t want to go overboard.” I said biting my lip, but I couldn’t stop turning in the mirror to see myself at every angle. Angel grabbed my shoulders and looked at me in the mirror.

“It’s perfect.” He assured. We bought it and took it home with just one hour left to get ready for the evening.

When he stepped out Angel was wearing a black version of his typical suit jacket and shorts, exchanging his pinkish red gloves for a baby pink pair and kept his thigh high boots, he looked incredible and I told him so, he nearly blushed for a second before lighting back up as we walked downstairs.

“Me? Fucking look at you! Little miss straight-laced, you look drop-double-dead-gorgeous tonight!” He beamed, this time it was my turn to blush. I had added a pair of dark tights and my royal blue Mary Jane shoes, with a delicate royal blue ribbon tied around my neck like a choker. I pulled my gloves up a little more to make sure they were all the way on before running a hand through my hair. I hope he is right.

“Thank you Angel, I try my best.” I said sheepishly. Angel instead upon stopping by the lounge where the rest of the group was gathered to say goodbye before we were off. We stepped into the room and I smiled awkwardly as Angel presented me, very proud of his work.

“I give to you, the new and improved Lilly!” He sang and motioned to me. Charlie looked surprised but happy, Vaggie was about the same, but had a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder. Sir. Pentious had a light blush but reassured me that I looked very nice. Husk was trying to hide it, but absolutely eyeing Angel. Niffty squealed with joy and ram little figure eights around us manically giggling about how nice we looked. Alastor was nowhere to be found though. “Where’s the big guy? I said I needed everyone!” Angel frowned.

“Please excuse my tardiness, I too was getting ready for tonight!” Alastor chirped as he walked into the room. He was dressed very well, his suit looked new just for the occasion as it was a slightly deeper shade of red than his normal suit and it was more simple with a short tail coat and a chain across the chest and it had a very faint pinstripe pattern to it. He looked like he had gotten a fresh haircut and maybe it’s my imagination, but even his old cane looked a little fresher to match. As I finished drinking him in I realized his eyes were going over me in the very same way.

“Since when are you fucking going to a party that Vox is throwing?” Angel asked the demon who chuckled.

“Oh I wouldn’t dare miss it, so many important demons and souls there tonight. I couldn’t give Vox the chance to twist a narrative if left to his own devices! Plus,” he pulled a small paper from his breast pocket. “He invited me.” Alastor had a wicked smile on as he stuffed his invitation back into his pocket. Angel gave me a small look that told me this was news to him, as it was to me. I guess Alastor is an overlord and Vox does seem rather keen on him. Even if they are enemies, best to keep him close.

“Well, I guess we should all get going then.” I said and before I could turn towards the door shadows crushed over us and just as quickly as they appeared they dissipated and we were in front of the event room door.

•

As soon as I saw her in the lounge I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Her dress was the most revealing thing I’d even seen draped across her figure. The visual mixing with her timid posing made something within me tick. Every curve was on display, the dress hardly covered her ass as the hem just barely brushed the top of her soft thighs, it scarcely managed to contain her chest if she didn’t have perfect posture it could be quite the display, her exposed back left her looking delicate and accessible. An anger burned in me, traipsing through a gala in such a vulnerable position, she should be locked away from such prying eyes where only I can look upon her form like this, where I can revel in it. The gentle look in her eyes made my mind race. How dare she look like that and yet so innocent at the same time, I wanted to ruin that innocent look, I wanted her eyes to hold nothing but pleasure and lust as I did so. If a soul should so much as hover their eyes over her a moment too long I might have to restrain myself from slaughtering them. As we walked into the event room Angel was quickly called away but Valentino, who blew us a sarcastic kiss from across the busy room. My eyes stayed trained on her though, she would not be leaving my sight tonight whether she knew it or not.

•

Alastor seemed in no rush to find any friends as he walked behind me through the crowded space. Hundreds of demons and overlords and hellish elites mingled around me. I secretly enjoyed his company, but me and Angel had agreed that tonight was about me and as much as I was intregued by Alastor, I knew that went one way. “Alastor, if you are going to accompany me tonight,” I turned and flashed a smile at him. “Would you perhaps be able to hunt down a drink for me to sip on? It’s awfully warm.” I asked, anxiously adjusting my gloves again. He casted his eyes across the room before answering.

“Why don’t you join me, My Dear? We’ll find it together. Then I can brief you on who not to talk to.” He stressed the end of his sentence like it was very important I don’t meet certain souls in attendance tonight. He reached to place a hand on my shoulder blade to guide me forward but I stepped to the side.

“Please Alastor, I’ll find my way to somewhere quiet until you return, I’m a big girl.” I teased a little and batted my eyes at him. I don’t know what his deal was tonight, maybe he had more foes than friends in attendance, but still I know how to get out of a sticky situation when I find myself in one, especially here.

“I insist, I wouldn’t want to abandon a lady at an event like this, who knows what kind of unsavory figure could swoop in.” The static crackled off his voice at the beginning. I felt his hand meet my shoulder successfully. His eyes burned into mine and I felt there was danger that I wasn’t aware of. I gave in and slowed to allow him to guide me towards the bar. It was quite busy and in the crowd my back was nearly pressed against his chest as we walked. I could feel the heat coming off in him, he smelled like fresh rain in the woods. I kept my hands clasped in front of me and kept a polite smile on as we finally reached the edge of the crowd for my drink.

Alastor left my side by less than two steps to order me a drink, I took the chance to look around the room. There were hundreds of finely dressed demons in attendance, a part of me was very pleased to see everyone enjoying the space I had helped to create and so far not a hair out of place.

“For you, My Dear.” He said graciously as he handed me my glass, if I remember the menu correctly this is a mermaid mule, giving it a violently blue color. “Now I think it’s about time we start making the rounds to say hello, don’t you think?” He grinned and placed his hand back on my shoulder blade as we reentered the crowd. It wasn’t really a question that explain answer. I looked up at him from the corner of my eye, he was quite cautiously watching the crowd. I couldn’t tell if he was looking for anyone in particular or not, but his mind certainly had a goal it was focused on.

“Alastor, I appreciate the escort, but really I was hoping to be on my own tonight.” He did not bother to look at me, but he did seem to see someone he wished to talk to as we gently started heading a different way. “I fear you might not be the most suitable wing man.” I teased trying to smile at the taller demon.

“I’m afraid not, besides please allow me to introduce you to the darling Rosie, overlord of cannibal town!” He motioned to the women just a couple of feet ahead of us now. She was tall and remarkably pretty even with her hollowed out eyes and her sharp teeth she managed to look friendly and lively. “Rosie! A pleasure as always!” Alastor sang.

She turned and lit up upon seeing him, waving us over. “Alastor darling, it’s so good to see you! Who’s this little number you brought along tonight? You better keep a close eye on her. I could eat her right up!” Her smile reminded me of his, but it was more sincere. She spoke with a very old dialect, but it left me thinking she ought to be sipping tea on someone’s porch with a novel in her hand. I returned her smile and Alastor introduced us.

“This is Lilly, an associate of mine from Charlie’s hotel.” He said and Rosie gave a small applause.

“It is very nice to meet you Ma’am, I am very lucky to be a resident under the princess’ trust. I hope you are enjoying the evening, I helped put it together, so please feel free to let me know if there is anything at all you need. I am positive we can make it happen.” I offered and she giggled.

“Oh such a sweetheart, you are! What a very nice swaray this is turning out to be, thank you! I can’t imagine need anything not already provided!” She assured me and she and Alastor continued to talk for a few more minutes. I watched Alastor as he did, he seemed to genuinely enjoy her company, it was a nice look on him, but his ears would twitch every so often giving away that he was still on high alert.

Eventually Alastor excused us, in search of another overlord to greet. We repeated this pattern a few times, one even joked that if Alastor was going to keep such a close eye on me he needed to put me ‘under contract’, or he would. I felt Alastor’s claws ever so slightly press themselves a little harder into my skin and his laugh was clipped. Once we had a moment to ourselves again I scanned the room for Angel or Valentino, I hadn’t seen him since our arrival, but with no luck. I did however spot another V. I could see Vox chatting up an interesting looking demon, he was tall and owl like and dressed quite regally, I recognized him as Stolis, rumor had it he did love daytime dramas so I guess I can’t be too surprised.

“Alastor, maybe I should go find Angel, just to check in on him.” It almost felt futile, of course I enjoyed Alastor’s company, and the feeling of his hand sent electric currents through my skin, but it also felt hopeless to think that he was thinking what I was thinking. Thinking about how he had looked so delightfully disheveled this morning, how he might look beneath his well tailored clothes, how the heat of his body might fully wash over mine, how his hand might feel elsewhere. It wouldn’t take more than a couple skilled movement to have me out of a dress like this and I was sure he was skilled. I nearly blushed at just the passing thought.

•

It took all the strength I had to not sink my claws into her. Why did she want to walk away so badly, I have been nothing but the perfect gentleman all evening and still she is not content. I flicked my eyes back down to hers, I could smell a faint scent of attraction from her, how sweet it smelled. Maybe I could use that to keep her close. Clearly she wanted some kind of attention tonight, I could give her a little taste. “Do I bore you? I apologize if meeting so many people was overwhelming, but it would have been rude not to.” I grinned, I allowed my hand to drop to the bottom of her back, just above her dress. “I appreciate your cooperation, truthfully,” I walked us forward and bent down ever so slightly so I could whisper into her ear. I could smell the perfume of her attraction better here, her back was stiff and I could see her chest rise and fall with every deep breath she was taking. “I don’t trust a single soul here to be alone with you, My Dear.” I said, my tone was soft but I couldn’t help the static creeping into my voice. It was true after all, none of them deserved to even lay eyes on her.

She looked up at me with sweet wide eyes, “Is that why, Alastor, you’ve kept me on such a short leash tonight?” She asked. Oh I would love to put her on a leash. “Afraid I might find a new overlord to pester?” She smiled at her own jab. “Don’t worry, I was just hoping to find a little bit of, y’know, company tonight.” Her face flushed softly and felt that pit in my stomach grow.

She wanted some disgusting demon to see her like that, to touch her like that. The idea made me sick, and more so my anger grew. The image of her sprawled out, eyes so innocent and inviting, her hair like the halo she deserved on the pillow beneath her, for someone else? I had to control my anger or before I could explain myself we would be back in the hotel, back in my room, and I needed to be here tonight unfortunately.

And that reason was walking towards us now as my smile widened I was keenly aware of my hand moving to grip Lilly’s waist instead to keep her even closer to me.

•

Alastor’s grip was strong, I followed his eyes to see what he was looking at, surely what I said hadn’t upset him like this. Then it made sense, Vox. While they have been throwing punches from afar via broadcast this is the first time they will have seen each other face to face since Alastor’s return. Vox was in the same suit he always wore, but it at least looked a little better pressed today.

“Alastor! Has anyone ever told you it’s rude not to greet the host.” Vox remarked as he walked into range. “I didn’t think we were inviting just anyone tonight?” He laughed, Alastor produced his invitation from his pocket again.

“Why, you personally signed it. There was a kiss and a heart on my invitation just like you always did.” Alastor remarked, flipping it over between his fingers to prove it, making Vox scowl slightly. I held in a giggle. His annoyed eyes landed on me and I suddenly wanted Alastor’s shadows to whisk me away from here. Work is one thing, I tolerate whatever abuse the other two Vs wish to throw my way as politely as I can to keep Velvette happy, but I’m not working now, and my back is against the chest of the soul Vox might just hate the most in all of hell. The other part of me wants to stand tall, who says I can even rely on Alastor for defense here, he’s so hot and cold with me. “And Vel’s pet, what a combination! I must say Velvette has only had the pettiest complaints tonight so that is as close as a job well down can be for her, congratulations!” Vox held out a hand for me to shake. I wanted to look at Alastor for approval or an excuse, I really wanted to not have to shake his hand, but I did. An acute ringing appeared in my ears.

“Thank you, Mr. Vox.” I said plainly. There was tension in the air between the two, but they both remained polite. It would cause too much of a scene for them to duke it out here in public. I felt the anger pooling in Alastor’s muscles as it felt like he was entirely still, not even feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed behind me anymore. I could feel his eyes bore into me, something I normally treasured, but now I couldn’t shake the animosity that was behind them even if that was not necessarily directed my way.

“I rather think red and black would have been a more flattering theme, but I guess blue is nice to some people.” Alastor quipped, adjusting his suit jacket proudly, Vox’s smile strained.

“It looks to me that someone prefers the blue.” Vox smirked and reached for the ribbon I wore around my neck, but before he could actually make contact Alastor moved us a step back. He held me with a force that threatened the delicate fabric of my dress.

“A gentleman would ask permission before reaching for a lady that way, and concede when she denies. Maybe you yourself are too modern for basic manners?” Alastor teased. His eyes burned bright red, contrasting his airy attitude and smile. I could feel his breath ticking the nape of my neck, under different circumstances I might let myself dwell on that feeling, I knew he was fired up. As bloodthirsty as Alastor may be, he has his values.

“You know I could introduce you to at least twenty demons here tonight who could show you a better time.” Vox couldn’t help but keep the irritation out of his voice as he stood with one hand on his hip, it almost sounded like a threat, I’m not sure if I wanted to know exactly what a good time entails for him. Vox played with Alastor’s protectiveness tonight. Ironically, here was someone who was basically offering me exactly what I claimed I wanted, but now that it’s in front of me and especially coming from him I had no interest. I was repulsed by the idea. I kept my back straight and tried to shake off Alastor’s grip a little, I don’t want to be intimidated by Vox right now. He doesn’t hold any direct power over me more than any other demon here. I’m sick of being pushed and pulled around so much.

“I’m plenty satisfied with my company. I’d like if you left us be now, I’m sure you can find time to taunt Alastor on any other day. We would like to enjoy the night.” I asserted. His plasma smile inverted. He looked like a petulant child being told play time was over.

“You’re welcome to reconsider, I’m sure Velvette would like-“

“Velvette does not care for my company, Mr. Vox.” I cut him off. I held back my shame thinking about her and forced myself to continue. “Goodnight, Sir.” He couldn’t hide his displeasure in my answer, clearly he had wanted to demean Alastor in some way by whisking away his date. He took two steps towards us, leaving just a foot of space in between. Baring his LED teeth he looked down at me.

“You ungrateful bi-”

“Be so kind as to let us get on with our evening wont you?” Alastor cut him off, static crackling off his words, he loomed behind me, his eyes practically begging Vox to push him further. He wouldn’t make the first move, but he wouldn’t step down once Vox did. Without looking past me Vox took a deep breath and straightened his tie returning to his dry smile.

“Enjoy the night. We’ll see you in the studio tomorrow.” Vox nodded in my direction with a glint in his eye. I stood in silence as he turned his back to us and rejoined the crowd.

I turned around to face Alastor. Part of me wanted to run away from here, be enveloped in his arms and just dissolve. Another part of me wanted his fingers to find somewhere else they could mercilessly sink into and to free me from my dress as we fell onto his bed. The part of me that won, however, was the part that looked at his angry eyes and smiled, requesting another drink. We could stay here if it meant he would keep holding onto me, if it meant he would continue to be just a step behind me no matter what, if it meant I was the center of his attention for a little bit longer. I knew I might have to pay for my disrespect in the morning, but that felt so far away at this moment. Right now I was safe, I was with Alastor, and that's all I wanted to think about. The ambient candle light danced in his eyes as he looked at me, and as much as he would hate to hear it, the contrast of the rich blue background only made his red hair and eyes look all that much more alluring.

He indulged my request and his grip on my waist was no longer lethal as he guided me to the closest bar in the event room. I ordered my drink and downed it to try to steady my head. Alastor gently hummed along to the band playing while leaning his back against the bar a little, he looked content and for a moment he almost looked like a regular person enjoying his night. If you wanted you could imagine him in life, whatever that had looked like, it was haunting.

“Alastor, would you dance with me?” I asked, unable to keep a smile off my face at his display. He stood up and took one of my hands in his and his grin grew as he gave me a small bow.

“Of course, My Dear, I’d be delighted.” He replied and we joined the dance floor not far away. I was, unfortunately, not a terribly skilled dancer, but Alastor led and I was able to follow. His arm snaked around my waist while the other kept my hand, my free hand rested on his shoulder. His eyes consumed me and I savored it. We had been close all night, but for the first time the proximity felt purposefully intimate. I nearly couldn’t bear the way he looked at me, half lidded eyes slowly raked over my figure before landing back on my own eyes. I wanted him to say something. Beside the fact that I was heavily focused on not tripping over my own feet, my heart raced and I’m not sure I could muster anything worth saying. This was the closest thing I could call a confirmation that he might be thinking what I’m thinking. Maybe he had been all night, maybe that was why he couldn’t let me out of his grip for more than thirty seconds. Or maybe he just liked putting on a show.

I was able to match his steps as we spun around the floor. He had a slightly softer smile playing on his lips. I hoped my nerves weren’t showing through in my smile, I felt like I had it under control, but as I held his gaze I wasn’t so sure my eyes were on my side. “You are a marvelous dancer, no need to worry, you are doing perfectly fine.” Alastor cooed, thinking that must be what’s caused my anxiety. I allowed myself I look past him for a moment to collect my thoughts. I wasn’t even an okay dancer, but it is sweet he would say so.

“I think you are the first dance partner of mine to say that. I stepped on many date’s toes unfortunately in life.” I admitted. Back in my dancing days I quickly fell down the rank of ladies at work to take out, I might be able to make you laugh but that’s about all I was good at on a date.

“Maybe the problem was more so with the partner.” Alastor said and twirled us around. “I seem to have no such problem.” He pulled me ever so slightly closer to him, my chest nearly against his. He was right, I hadn’t actually had much of a misstep at all. He was an excellent dance partner. He knew how to lead and to help me stay in time with him. Alastor gently guided my waist in the direction changes, or gave my hand a gentle squeeze. We were working in tandem quite gracefully.

The song came to an end and I wished it would last just a couple of minutes longer. Alastor released me and gave a slight bow, he was completely serious but I couldn’t help from giggling a little. Such a gentleman tonight. His hand returned to my shoulder blade and we melted into the crowd again. I thought about Alastor more, he is difficult, but it just makes me want more of him. I never know what I will get with him and as frustrating as it is it is also alluring. I pulled up the tops of my gloves a little, just to busy myself, as I caught my breath. I almost felt cold now without the heat of his body so close to mine, even though he was just a few inches further away than he had been it was enough for a chill to sweep through me. I hugged myself a little to compensate and blushed slightly when I realized how pronounced it made my chest. Almost immediately I felt a warm soft fabric cover my shoulders. I looked down at it as I pulled it closer to me and realized it was Alastor’s suit jacket before looking back at him.

“You looked cold, understandable given your attire, we wouldn’t want you to catch a chill now would we?” Alastor offered before I could even question him with a pleasant smile on his face. I smiled back.

“Thank you, though I paid good money for this dress, I ought to show it off. I don’t know when else I’ll ever get the excuse to.” I said and soothed the hem of my dress that just barely came down long enough. I moved to shake off the jacket, but his hand on my shoulder kept me from doing so.

His smile widened. “I think you look particularly lovely just like this!” His voice rang in my ears. Such a protective gentleman. I couldn’t help but to want to tease him.

I shrugged off his hand and his jacket, offering it back to him. “Please, Alastor, I insist.” He begrudgingly took it back and slipped the jacket back on, adjusting his cuffs. I looked up at him with shy eyes as I slowly traced my hands over my silhouette, seemingly to soothe my dress to anyone else. I watched as Alastor’s eyes followed my hands. “Thank you, I think I look rather nice, don’t you?” I asked sweetly. His eyes flicked back up to mine before I spun a little to give him a better look. His grip on his cane became tight. He looked at me like I was prey he was stalking in the forest, absolutely trained on me watching what I would do next. It burned into me and I loved it.

“You look very nice, My Dear. I think you know that.” He said, his voice was clipped, but not dangerous. I smiled. It was fun to get under his skin a little, especially given how he does it to me.

“Maybe, but I was just curious if you also thought so. You look quite handsome yourself, I rather like this suit on you.” I teased and adjusted his lapels a little. I could feel his breath again on the top of my head as I did so and when I looked at his eyes they were glowing a deep ruby color. His hand curled around my wrist, plucking it off of him. I could tell he was trying to decide exactly what to say, so I continued to press him. “Oh, does the touching only go one way? You’ve had your hands on me all night. I thought I might return the favor.” My heart was pounding in my chest as I looked at him. My vision darkened and for a moment all I could see was the glowing of his eyes and his crazed grin. When it lightened back up I knew I was back in the hotel, but in a room I had never seen before. My eyes found the forest that looked like it had been patched onto the room and I knew. This must be Alastor’s room.

The confidence I had held just seconds ago evaporated upon the realization. Alastor gently guided my chin so that my gaze was directed back at him. I knew my eyes were wide and my heart thudded against my ribs as I wasn’t sure if I should be terrified or thrilled, or both. His ears were flat against his head as his eyes drank me in one last time. “You have no idea what you’ve been doing to me tonight.” His voice came out low and no louder than a whisper. One of his arms wrapped around my waist like when we were dancing, but now his claws nearly pierced my skin through the delicate fabric of my dress. He held me close there, I had no answer.

Alastor used his other hand to slowly run the sharp edge of a claw along a path from my jaw, down my neck, over my shoulder, then across my back. My skin hissed at the sensation, it wasn’t even enough to truly break the skin but it sent shockwaves through my system. I stood perfectly still, I wasn’t even sure if I was breathing. I wanted him to just tell me, tell me if he craves me the way I crave him or not. I wanted more of his touch, but I was in no position to demand such a thing.

“As soon as I saw your little getup tonight,” He started to explain, deliberately fiddling with my dress’ fabric. “I wanted to whisk you up here, keep you away from any other soul who might see you in such a state.” I felt my face growing increasingly warm as he combed his free hand through my hair. “I didn’t think they deserved such a sight, but I didn’t want to upset you, My Dear, so I settled for keeping a close watch over you.” I melted into his touch as he held my cheek in his hand while he spoke. “I restrained myself then, but you have pushed me too far.” Alastor leaned his head in closer to mine, until our foreheads almost touched. His eyes were still a glowing deep red. “I’ll tell you a secret. All night I have been able to smell the lust pouring out of you, and right now is the strongest it’s ever been. You smell so sweet.” his neck dips even lower and his lips threaten to brush against my neck, the promise of sweet kisses tantalizing close. I could hear the sound of my blood pumping through my veins, I was hyper aware of every inch of my body that Alastor was touching, my muscles screamed for me to do something. Either run away or grab him and never let him go, waiting was torture. “You have to go.”

My mind raced. Alastor wanted me to leave? We were still tangled together, he made no real move to let me leave. My body ached for more of his touch, I desperately wanted more. I didn’t want to leave this moment. “Please, let me stay.” I begged, my voice breathy almost as if I was gasping for air. I didn’t need air, I needed Alastor. He slowly straightened back up and released his grasp on my waist. My skin hissed at the lack of his heat, the dewy scent of him retreating as he took a step back. He did not raise his eyes to meet mine though, instead his voice was low and gravely, charged with static and energy as he commanded me again.

“Leave.” It was not a question. I held myself back from arguing with him and backed away towards the door behind me. His shadows pooled around him on the floor. Some seemed to deliberately run in my direction as if to grab me and pull me back but any time one headed my way another would smack it back. I watched Alastor while my back was still waiting to find the wall. He was not his normal composed self, no this was raw. He almost looked ashamed, yet angry, searching for something to take that out on. I would pray for whatever creature he takes that out on if I thought it would help. The heavy rise and fall of his chest gave away just how agitated he had become.

Finally my back pressed against the wall while my hand began to search for the doorknob. I couldn’t look away, I couldn’t speak, I could barely move. Did I do something wrong? Can I fix it? I don’t want to push him too hard, but it gnawed on me, if I’d caused this outburst I want to make it right. I opened my mouth to call out his name, but before the first letter could fully form a shadow shot out to me, wrapping itself around my throat and jaw. I froze, I’ve been in the position before and did not want to make him more angry. Alastor slowly turned towards me, his breathing was labored and as he lifted his head I could see a gruesome grin on his face.

“I. Said. Out.”

I was forced backwards by the force of his shadow and only was able to disconcert the sound of his door slamming back shut as I realized I was now on the other side of it. I had fallen back from the force and found myself just staring up at his door. I suddenly felt small and alone here. Just a minute ago I had been the center of Alastor’s universe as we danced and now I was thrown aside and shut out. I wracked my brain for what had set him off so terribly.

I remembered his words, he had confessed to being attracted to me, and knowing I was attracted to him, it felt humiliating. I had felt so exposed and vulnerable in that moment, he hadn’t technically rejected me, but it sure felt like he had. My confidence had crashed. I wanted to curl up and die. I also wanted to march back in Alastor’s room and scream at him for making me feel this way, for building me up just to crush me in the end. Hot tears stung the corners of my eyes, but I forced them away. I don’t want to break down, instead I redirected the energy. You want me to leave? I’ll leave alright.

I slowly pulled myself back up and dusted off my dress, fixing myself and taking a long deep breath for comfort.. I cast one last hurt glance back at Alastor’s door and headed downstairs.

Shame, humiliation, and confusion swirled in my mind, perhaps distorting my decision making capabilities. I debated my next move, but I wasn’t in the headspace to think wisely. My feet carried me forward as if the speed of my steps could out pace these feelings. Soon my heels were clicking down the grand staircase outside the front door while my nails dug into my palm, my gloves didn’t protect me. I wasn’t sure exactly where I was walking, but I eventually found myself down an all too familiar path.

I could see the massive glowing light of the Vs’ studio signage even though I was still a solid mile away. It was as daunting as it always was, the blue neon looked like a bruise on the hellish red sky. It was fitting. The place that I looked forward to leaving everyday was suddenly a constant I could cling onto. I knew exactly where I stood here, I knew what to expect, what to do, how to act, who to be. I was thankful for that role, thankful for the rock it gave me to sink my nails into in order to hold onto something, anything, that made me feel better. Here I didn’t have to be myself and everything that entailed, I could simply be Velvette’s errandgirl, someone who did not care what that deer demon was doing back at the hotel right now. Someone who didn’t dwell on whether or not she would be able to bring herself to look into his deep ruby eyes the next time they met. Someone who didn’t miss the way he looked at her back in the ballroom with a playful possessiveness as the candle light danced behind them. No. I would be too busy for any of that.

I straightened out my back when the building came into focus drawing on a polite shy smile.

Quietly, I rejoined the event space. The party had of course continued in my absence, none the wiser to my personal angst. I cast my eyes about the room in search of Angel, unlikely as it was I couldn’t help myself. A friendly face would be nice right now, but no such luck. So I took a step forward, ever still conscious of my looks and of the crowd, and made my way back towards the bar. Alone this time, but the night was just beginning.

Part Five

Tags: @cannibalcoyote

[verdemoun]

in response to this ask, kieran being reunited with his gang:

Arthur is always the victim of Kieran meeting people from his past. Typical day of accompanying Kieran on whatever adventure he has decided is his goal today. Outlaw hypervigilance goes off like spider-senses: there's someone tailing them.

Stalls a little, backtracks. Grabs the guy by the collar and draws fist back, because it's always better to be on the offense in a situation where you're unarmed. Guy immediately surrenders, acting too friendly with nervous energy squeaking about just wanting to see him.

Before Arthur chases him off Kieran's furrows his eyebrows, and takes a curious step forward. The guy lights up, looking through Arthur because 'sergeant! it really is you!'. Salutes despite Arthur still holding his collar, and Kieran very quickly urges Arthur to let go.

The fact Kieran is comfortable enough with the guy to actually talk is enough to make Arthur confused, hell even the guy (let's call him Declan) looks confused and slightly starstruck because Sergeant Duffy is actually talking to him, little old private so-and-so him. Fortunately Declan is a nervous rambler and the second Kieran tries to give a happy dismissive 'he was a member in my old gang! before...', Declan's right there to give Arthur allllll the tea.

The Army didn't just not 'work out' - Kieran was actually a sergeant in the cavalry in charge of a dozen or so officers. And needless to say, war is fucking shit. Down to three of his officers, trapped, watching those he had eaten meals with and considered comrades massacre Native American men, women and children indiscriminately meanwhile horses lay wounded and screaming as they died slowly on the battlefield, Kieran turned to his officers and gave the one word command they were 'dismissed'. Mounted his horse and ran the hell out of there - admittedly, running is a talent of his. Being deeply loyal idiots, they respected their sergeant for being an objectively good and uncharacteristically kind person. Despite his flat affect and quiet nature, they followed him like lost puppies.

Picking up stragglers and being good people when they could afford to be, Kieran accidentally became the leader of a fairly reputable gang in the north-east of the great plains. Being deserters, as well coach thieves, cattle rustlers and robbing the occasional bank, Former Sergeant Duffy leader of the 'Coward Gang' may have had a bounty on his head at least equal to that of Arthur's.

While Arthur is hanging onto Declan rambling like it's the best campfire story ever told because 'holy shit you really got a lot of origin stories Duffy', Kieran has reached for a cigarette which is one of the biggest red flags he can give that he is not okay. Because, inevitably, there comes the question of 'what happened'.

And, like seemingly every significant event in Kieran's life, the O'Driscolls happened. They came into camp late one night and overpowered those on guard duty by sheer number. Colm lost a good amount of boys in the process: they fought back hard but sometimes it is as simple as numbers. The O'Driscolls hogtied, lined up, and systematically slaughtered every single one of his gang before taking Kieran back to Hanging Dog Ranch for the 'blessed are the peacemakers' treatment. Despite timewarping, Kieran still has the scars.

After weeks of torment, when the option 'ride or die' came, Kieran knew his gang was dead. 'Die' wouldn't be fast: it would be selling him to Pinkertons for the bounty, more torment before death by public execution to make an example. So he went from sergeant to stableboy, not allowed to carry a weapon because Colm knew he would turn it on himself instead of living with the constant fear of being turned over to pinkertons and the sheer trauma of seeing his officers and friends, his first found family, murdered.

Not being allowed so much as a hoofpick, let alone a knife, Kieran grew a beard and let his hair grow long, almost unrecognizable from bounty posters of the clean shaven sergeant. Even if the VDLs had heard of him (which they hadn't - being from the west) they wouldn't know it was him. Kieran took the opportunity to become a nothing, because he desperately wanted to feel like nothing after being helpless to protect his gang.

But his whole gang is there, together because they died minutes, some mere seconds apart. They stuck together because that's what sergeant had always told them to do, and they were all doing okay! They were still living like a gang - having gutted a small 2 bedroom house and turned it into an open concept of exposed foundations, sleeping on mattresses around a wood burning stove that was both kitchen and campfire but they were all happy, and they were together, and they welcomed him back like a hero.

Kieran visits his old gang regularly but also doesn't want to impose on them because they've had a good few years to adjust to modern era and have their own lives, because unlike Dutch he feels awful that the mere association with him meant they were all wanted men and women and it lead to their demises.

His gang adore him though, and it's always awkward when they meet the VDLs because they will drop gang leader Kieran lore that makes him sound terrifying and awesome meanwhile they still just think 'aw kieran, our little horsegirl who collects stuffed toys and horse models..' and no amount of 'Kieran killed 8 lawmen at 500ft range in 15 seconds' would change that.

[moodywyrm]

dating basketball!abby at first n she notices you don’t steal any of her clothes like her exes in the past have.. and she’s like “babe :( don’t you want to wear my clothes?” (bc whenever she sees you wearing something of hers, her lil possessive side comes out and she’s so proud bc everyone recognizes those clothes) n ur like “,,but i’m chubby abbs idk if they would fit?” as she pushes one of her hoodies into your hands n shes like “trust me baby”

and bc abby tends to wear bigger clothes due to all her muscle hers would fit you perfectly,, n you put it on and just gasp like!!!! abby!!!!!!! they fit!! this has never happened!!!!! and from then on she’s insisting you wear something of hers to every one of her practices/games,, n she’ll buy new shirts and boxers and hoodies allllll for you bc she knows you love how she smells

y'all are gonna make me cry today, all these basketball abby n chubby reader asks are really getting me <3

I also think abby intentionally buys clothes that are bigger on her, partially for you but also because clothes that are too tight + not stretchy enough limit her range of motion and she hates it!! especially with her arms, her biceps, she hates when clothes are too tight on her arm. so! all of her clothes are either big n baggy, sleeveless, or super stretchy.

now. all of her exes (including Owen, the loser) would take her clothes because they're super comfortable and they smell like her. she literally expects nothing different from you, especially because she knows you love how she smells. so she's super confused when you show little to know interest in taking her clothes? whenever you would sleep over, before you practically moved in, you would always bring your own change of clothes, no matter how many times she tells you that you can borrow her clothes! ur always like 'it's okay baby, I brought my pajamas :)'

and god you want to! you would fucking love to wear her clothes, to show her off, to be seen and immediately recognized as hers. but honestly you're so scared that it won't fit. all of my fellow big girls know the absolute heartbreak you experience when you really want to wear something or you find something super cute and then it doesn't fit. (I literally just went through this like two days ago, with the cutest lil 90s dress that wouldn't zip </3). you couldn't handle the disappointment if abby's clothes didn't fit you, so you didn't even try.

until one day, when ur sleeping over at hers and it's been such a weird fucking day that you forgot your change of clothes. and you really don't want to wear your day clothes to sleep bc that is so >:(

and abby is just like, "baby, why don't you just wear my clothes?" literally already grabbing one of her hoodies (with her name and number on it <3) and a pair of her boxers. and ur internally panicking, because now you have to tell her.

'abs, it probably won't fit. we're not the same size.' and she's Flabbergasted. Bc one, she never even considered that but TWO. she knows it will fit. bc she buys all her clothes bigger. and stretchy. so she just pushes the clothes into you and goes "it will fit baby, trust me" (little do you know that when you two got together she purposely got her basketball hoodie n some of her other clothing pieces in even bigger sizes than she usually gets). she's leading you to the bathroom, letting you shower n get all clean n covered in her scent, because you always use her stuff when u sleep over. but when you get out, ur anxious as hell. it takes at least ten minutes from exiting the shower to get the courage to pull on her clothes, the boxers first.

and holy shit they fit. they're stretched over ur hips n ass, but they fit, and more importantly, they're comfortable. and u literally sigh in relief bc thank god man. but now is the real test: the hoodie. u clip ur hair up n pull the hoodie onto your body, and u almost cry bc. it fits. not only does it fit, it's fucking baggy on you. u look in the mirror and ur grinning like an idiot, all draped in your girlfriends clothes, her scent encompassing you entirely. u step out of the bathroom n practically run to abby, who is waiting for u on the coach in sweats and a wife pleaser, grinning from ear to ear when she sees you. u basically jump into her arms, hugging her so tightly. she hugs you back, strong arms circling your waist before she just goes "told you so, pretty girl"

this ask made me so warm n fuzzy bc literally one of my biggest sads in life is not being able to wear my partners clothes, so this was sooo fucking cute n sweet n made me so happy thank you nonnie <3

[lilveeblog]

shopping trip.

little!jj with emily and garcia !!

a cute ass shopping trip

>2K

Today was a big day for the iconic trio. Emily and Garcia had promised little JJ a shopping trip for her birthday. Emily knew Garcia was going to spoil the girl to no end and JJ knew it too!

“Let go! We going be late!” JJ cheered, running to the door. She had her backpack on and the fluffiness

of it was bouncing with the girl.

“I’m coming! I’m coming! Have you got everything?” Emily asked the over-excited girl who was bouncing on her tiptoes at the front door.

“Yes! Let goooo!” She swung the front door opened and ran to the car.

“You’ve got to be on your best behaviour!” Emily warned as they pulled up at the shopping centre.

“Yes, Yes, I know! Let go, have fun!” JJ wiggled in her seat, unable to take her belt off herself.

“Do you remember our rules?” Emily asked, just watching her girl get more and more excited. It was cute, she couldn’t deny that but she also knew that if she wasn’t careful, this day could get out of hand.

“Yes! I do mama!” She cheered, wiggling her little legs.

“Tell me then,” Emily was just teasing at this point.

“Alway hold your hand. No wander off. Pay for everyfin. Ask nicey. Blah blah. I know mama!” She said, tilting her head to the side after each one.

“Okay, good girl. Let’s go find Penny then,” Emily smiled. She unclipped JJ’s seatbelt and they both got out of the car. Instantly, Garcia came running over to them and JJ went running to her.

“Penny!” She cheered loudly.

“JJ!” Garcia giggled with the same enthusiasm.

Half an hour later and they were in their third toy shop.

“I have this one tooo?” JJ asked, running up to a giant, pink squish mallow.

“I’m pretty sure you already have that one at home, love,” Emily laughed and looked at the 8 squish mallows Garcia already had in her basket.

“I not mama! We need this one too,” she said, smiling and putting it on top. “Stay,” she told it and began walking away.

“Jay, do you really need any more?” Emily asked, tilting her head to the side at the blonde plodding around the store.

“Yes, I have to get 20!”

“I don’t think you need 20!” Emily laughed. JJ nodded.

“I think I does,” JJ laughed in response, picking up another and putting it in the basket.

“How about just 10 Jay?” Garcia suggested.

“Otay, 10.” JJ nodded and grabbed one more, turning around and looking at the two intently.

“That’s 11,” Emily giggled, pointing at the one in her arms. JJ pouted.

“I get 11,” she nodded.

“Okay, put it in the basket and then we can go buy clothes!” Garcia said, holding out the basket. JJ cheered and put it in, causing Emily to roll her eyes.

“I want dem in allllll the colours,” JJ sighed, holding up all the hangers for the cropped t-shirts.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you just get three?” Emily said, leaning against the wall.

“But there’s six different colours!” JJ whined.

“But you don’t need six, you have plenty at home and we have bought other tops too.”

“But which colours shall I leave out? I no want to leave them out Mama!” JJ huffed. Magically, Garcia appeared.

“Oh my goodness! They are such pretty colours!” Garcia squealed, instantly taking them all off JJ and putting them in the basket. JJ glanced at Emily and then turned to Garcia.

“I no wowed them alllll,” she grumbled a little bit.

“Nonsense, you can never have too many clothes,” Garcia muttered and grabbed JJ’s hand. “Lunchtime ladies?” Emily only nodded and headed out of the changing rooms, seeing the large smile on JJ’s face because she got what she wanted for the fourth time today. Emily wasn’t ungrateful. She loved that JJ was being treated but she didn’t appreciate her being spoiled. Everything she had said no to today or at least suggested a no to, Penelope had gone behind her back and done it anyway. Emily couldn’t massively argue because this was Garcia’s treat for JJ and she was paying for it all but she couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed. She didn’t like JJ being bratty or spoilt because it got to her head and she knew, Emily knew, today would end in tears.

“I wan tacos!” JJ cheered, as they headed out the shop.

“Emily doesn’t like tacos, how about something else?” Garcia suggested, feeling sympathetic.

“Noooo! I want tacos, mama go somewhere else,” JJ giggled, pushing at Emily’s chest a little bit. Emily smiled and just hugged JJ, squeezing her, trying not to get frustrated.

“How about we go get tacos and Em goes to get something else and we meet at that table, over there?” Garcia suggested, pointing to a table. JJ nodded happily and just dragged Garcia away, leaving Emily standing there - no idea what she wanted to eat.

“Do you need any more toys?” Emily asked as they approached another toy shop.

“Of course, she needs more toys!” Garcia giggled, swinging her arm with JJ’s.

“Mhm, more toys!” JJ smiled and swung her arm also. Emily could tell she was getting tired now.

“One more toy shop and then it’s home time then,” Emily said.

“So one more toy shop, one more clothes shop, one more shoe shop… one more everything shop and then a jewellery shop!” Garcia giggled. JJ laughed sweetly too, heading over to the toys.

“Two more shops and then we’re done,” Emily said, sternly.

“Em, she loves it!” Garcia argued, pointing to the sweet blonde plodding through the toys.

“She does yes but she’s tired and the longer we stay out, the grumpier she’ll get,” Emily warned.

“She’s not going to get grumpy on a shopping trip!” Garcia tutted, heading to catch up to her little bestie who was picking her fifth Barbie doll of the day.

Two more shops were down and JJ was getting more and more tired. She was rubbing her eyes and she’d started holding Emily’s hand, wanting her home comforts.

“Right! Say goodbye and we’re going to get going!” Emily said, enthusiastically. However, Garcia whined.

“One more! There was this new sweet shop I wanted to go into!” she explained.

“Sweeties!!” JJ gasped, looking between the two older women.

“No, please no more sweets. She’s had enough and we have bags full!” Emily pleaded.

“Mama pleaseeeeee,” JJ whined, tugging on Emily’s arm.

“Emily, pleaseeeeeee,” Garcia mimicked.

“No. You’ve had enough, it’s home time.” Emily said, shaking her head.

“Mamaaaa, I want sweeties!” JJ huffed, stomping her foot.

“And you have some in this bag, you don’t need more. Come on, say goodbye,” Emily encouraged, trying to keep calm.

“You can never have too many sweets,” Garcia teased and Emily sighed.

“Yeah, you can never have too many sweeties,” JJ giggled, shaking her finger at Emily. Emily grabbed her finger and looked her dead in the eye.

“No.”

However, at the simple, two-letter word, JJ’s lip began to wobble.

“Oh come on, no water works. You have sweets, you’re tired. It’s time to go home,” Emily said, wrapping her arm around her young girl.

“Sweeties!” JJ huffed, stomping her foot more. This is what happens when she has been allowed everything she wants all day.

“Oh, how can you say no to that face?” Garcia whined, looking at Emily sadly.

“You have to. Or else you get this every time,” Emily sighed. “You’ve let her have everything she’s asked for all day, even when I said no.” Emily laughed it off a little bit and moved to sit JJ on a nearby bench. She huffed and wiggled as Emily pushed her shoulders down so she sits but eventually let her. Emily bent down in front of her, looking up at JJ’s sad eyes.

“I know you’re tired,” Emily said gently. JJ grumbled in reply. “How about we head home now and then on the way home, you can have some sweets in this bag?” Emily suggested.

“B- but I wan more sweeties from de shop Penny wanted go to,” she mumbled, throwing around her arms and huffing.

“I know but I’ve said no. It’s home time now,” Emily reiterated.

“Why?” She whined loudly.

“Because I’m saying so. I think you’re tired and ready for a nap.”

“I not tired mama,” JJ whispered, shaking her head. “I pomise.”

“Jay,” Emily was sterner now. “Mama has said it’s time to go so it’s time to go. Say goodbye to Penny please,” she said. She stood up as she knew she wasn’t getting anywhere with talking to her.

“Noooo!” JJ whined, throwing back her head. Garcia sighed, looking at the young girl. She was throwing about her hands and she threw herself onto the bench - having a genuine toddler tantrum.

“This, Penelope, is why we don’t spoil her,” Emily sighed. Seeing it now, Garcia did feel bad so she headed over to JJ. She put her hand on her back and bent down to see her crying face.

“You head home now and tomorrow, I’ll bring you some sweets from that shop,” she suggested.

“Pomise?” JJ sniffled.

“I promise baby, do you want to give me a goodbye cuddle?” JJ nodded and sat up softly. She wiped her eyes and then wrapped her arms around Garcia.

“An a goodbye kiss,” she mumbled, pursing her lips. Penelope smiled and kisses JJ’s lips innocently and JJ turned to Emily.

“You ready now grumpy bum?” Emily teased, holding her hand out for JJ. JJ just glared at her before taking her hand and then leaned in for a side cuddle.

“Bye Pen, see you tomorrow. Thank you for a good day,” Emily said, waving at Penelope. “Have you said thank you?” She reminded JJ. JJ quickly shook her head and ran back to give Garcia another hug.

“Than’ you, you the bestest ever!” she whispered and squeezed her tight before heading back to Emily.

The car journey home was very quiet because JJ was asleep before they’d even left the car park. It didn’t surprise Emily, she knew it was going to happen.

She had had a good day, she really had. She’s glad JJ enjoyed herself and she knew she deserved such a good gift because she’d been really well-behaved recently - it just sometimes went too far. But not every day was going to be perfect with a toddler and Emily knew that. She was just glad it was all under control now.

[mamadoc]

rules: answer + tag some people you want to get know better and/or catch up with!

tagged: by @queseraone, @makeitastrength, and @chenfordspiral Thank you!!

tagging: @arch78, @imperiumwife, @come-rain-come-shine, @my-shields-are-down, @mostowa, @silverskull, @diamondtookoflongcleeve, @fuzzywuzzywuzzawriter, @girlintotv, @kanerallels, @nightstarrygirl, @northern-neighbor, @thisnightissparkling089, @renegadesstuff, @zippeylay, and anyone else that wants to play.

Favorite Color: Blue about 80% of the time. Sometimes I'm in more of a red mood though.

Last Song: All Star by Smash Mouth... Hahahaha... I had a 90's rock playlist going while I was running. Hahahaha. I'm trying to be healthier and get into better shape. It's a great song to run to, but it will 100% get stuck in your head.

Currently Reading: Pretty much just Chenford fanfiction. My 'to read' list is so long I probably won't tackle much else for a while. But as soon as my son is done reading the copy I bought, I want to read "Boys in the Boat."

Currently Watching: I used to spend my evenings watching a show or two with my husband after the kids went to sleep. But right now, I mostly spend my evenings writing. It takes time to compose and edit a 7-20k chapter each week! Perhaps I'll start something else once I get my two long WIPs done. Or maybe after I make it through all the prompts that are piling up.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As a family, we're rewatching all the Star Wars movies this summer.

Currently Craving: Nothing at the moment; I'm not a late eater. But I made my husband's favorite cookies (peanut butter blossoms - a peanut butter cookie with a Hershey's kiss on top) for him because we celebrated Father's Day a week early today, and they've been calling to me allllll day. It's a good thing my husband and kids love them, too, so they won't be around for long.

Coffee or Tea: I drink water 99% of the time. I've never had coffee once in my life. But if I have a cold, there's nothing that feels better on an achy throat than Korean honey citron tea (유자차). Mmmmm...so soothing.

This seemed like the easiest ask to tackle. I have several others piling up that I hope to get to once I'm done with my current chapter. Thanks! Looking forward to seeing more people's answers.

[diamondintherioux]

5/4/24

2 months post op

What a mind fuck. 2 months post op. Tomorrow is my last day of physical therapy. I finally have my arm mobility restored! I even went back to Pilates the other day, I’m so sore but it’s a good sore. I have 3 more lymphatic drainage massages left then I’m done. TBH I don’t think they’ve really don’t anything for me post op. They’re important that first week to get the tumescent fluid out but if you are at your goal weight and barely swelled I don’t think it makes that big of difference. In the same breath I fit better into my faja than I did 2 weeks ago but I think that’s the vaser lipo working.

I have been lazy with my vitamins (what else is new?) it’s just I have too many. I start Invisalign on Tuesday so I’m hoping that’ll be the kick start to my 30 days no sugar. I just need a detox from it. Had ice cream today from a local place I used to be obsessed with and it just didn’t taste the same. It’s sad but I swear I don’t have those sugar cravings anymore. They used to be so intense that I would leave the house in the middle of the night to buy something sweet. Now I have a homemade chocolate covered banana slice and I’m good.

It’s so crazy looking at old photos and seeing how my natural body could never become my post surgical body. No amount of gym could give my body an hourglass figure. People get so mad that others can just pay for a perfect body lol

I need to call a medspa and start scheduling facial treatments. I need a chemical peel and a facial. Since I’m not longer spending money on physical therapy and massages I can focus on my face. I want to get spray tans as well but I can’t stand the transfer. What is the solution? I’m so pasty, specially my legs.

I stopped wearing shape wear under my faja and I feel soooooooo much better. I swear shape wear snatches you better than a faja. I don’t see myself spending $200+ on a faja ever again. Amazon has some really good ones if I need an extra unf underneath my body con dresses (yes that’s allllll I’m wearing this summer).

3 months post op I’ll be out of town. That’s when I’ll start wearing the faja for 12 hours. Probably only at night. I’ll be updating monthly from now on. I’m thinking about making a post about ab boards and foams for educational purposes.

[moonjxsung]

hi hi bb! how are you?

i’m so glad that you don’t mind my shinee commentary bc i also don’t know any shawols(or stays tbh, this is how i get my kpop fix)😭 onew is suchhhh a humble king, literally can���t believe that he got fanmail so soon as if he isn’t in one of the most successful kpop group ever. the first time i heard about shinee was in like 2010 or 2011 (which was very soon for PR tbh, aquí lo que había en ese momento era just reggaeton). and i was so baffled at the fact that nobody liked kpop here. so yeah onew, you’re the real deal!! i’m so happy that he’s getting the love he deserves💜and i can’t wait to see his comeback! i’m so excited! and the antique shop matching necklaces from Monterey☹️ that is so cute!! (idk if you already went but have fun!! and if you did, i hope you had fun!! Monterey sounds so nice!). i bet that he’ll be so grateful with your super care package! pls let me know what you send him!!!

i got my second iced coffee of the week💁🏻‍♀️ and a macadamia cookie, i was working on this very tedious assignment most of the day yesterday and after i finished i was like “treat yourself”. i’ve really been eating super terribly lately and i hate myself for it😭

your pc of the day!!! your bag!!! your chan sweater!! that’s soooo pretty! i love how they all match too! i forgot to get my pc of the day yesterday too. (i was at my bfs house and his little cousin/nephews were there and the younger one who’s 5 just comes up to me and asks “who’s this?” and i was like “lee know” and he’s just like “why do you have that there?” and i was like “good question bro, idek, it’s just fulfilling”.

i love you so much angel🫶🏻 i hope your weekend is going so great and you have time to relax as well!!

-🐈‍⬛

HI BABYYYYY I MISSED YOUUUUUU 🫶🫶🫶🫶

Can you BELIEVE how active Onew’s been this week and his company already arranged his first FANMEET??????? SCREAMINGGGGGGG I am beyond jealous of anyone who gets to go frfr ☹️ manifesting Shinee stuff in the US sooooo hard I literally have to see them before I die. Or I will simply die 😔 I’m still on the hunt for cute necklaces or keychains for us or something, but I DID get him the cutest little glass whale charm bc In the Whale is my favorite kpop song of allllll time and I’m so excited to mail it to him so that we have matching ones 😭 I LOOOOVE ONEW IM GOING INSANEEEE AHHHH I’ll keep you posted on the jewelry we get tho !!!!

I think the only thing that kept me going this whole week was the iced coffee trips tbh 🤕 it was such a WEEEEK……. But I’m so glad it’s finally Friday 👼 we’re having a streaming party for Ateez’s Coachella set tonight so we ordered so much food and baked cookies and dragged our Ateez pcs around everywhere like all week I am sooo excited !! Still so bummed I couldn’t see them at Coachella but I’m so proud of how far they’ve come and the setlist looks INSANEEE ahhhh Hongjoong my beloved 🫶

Pc pics just for you from today’s coffee run ofcccc 💖🫶 I love you sweet angel I hope you had the best week!!!!!!!!!!! Sending all my love as alwayssss (also your answer to your nephew is SO valid LMAOOOO Lee Know is indeed v fulfilling ‼️‼️)

[mikeyelistsukasa]

HELLO

SO

May I request a Hanakou oneshot where Hanako feels insecure about being Kou's boyfriend, thinking he can get something much better so Kou comforts him??

Thank u 🤭

Ah cat ofc

My first hanakou writing (took me while to make that ugly banner)

Daily hanakou🧡❤️

Insecure hanako!

It was a basic day hanako said to himself

Exept he is all alone

In the bathroom

Waiting for the the next day to start so he can see his boyfriend kou again

For some reason this time it felt like a WEEK has passed and not 4hours

So he decided to go take a walk at the garden to clear off his mind

While he was outside he was not able to think straight because all he could think of is kou

He barely started to visit for cleaning duty with yashiro

Because he was too busy hanging with another ghost

Or sometimes he leaves earlier with yashiro to go somewhere fun

He mumbled to himself.

„Ofcourse. Whats so fun in hanging out at school“

Was he not good enough?,was he getting boring? He hopes that this isn’t the case

He wished that he could also go outside with them. To the beach.park.Restaurants.

But he just HAD to be cursed by not being able to leave the school

He didn’t even realize that the sun is starting to rise

He was too deep in his awful thoughts

But after snapping out of it he went back to the school into the girls bathroom

„4 more hours“

It’s Friday so they had a short day today

Just as all the kids started to enter the school he was on his way to greet both of them

He didn’t see yashiro „probably is late“ he thought to himself

But then his eyes landed on kou

He was about to approach him until he saw him

Mitsuba. One of kou‘s friends

Guess he was faster than him..

Not wanting to „disturb“ these two he decided that he should go.

„2 more hours….should i?“

He was unsure if he should go visit kou

He did miss him so he went

„You’ve got to be kidding me“

Why is He there again.

He is so damn CLINGY

He didn’t try to make a move on kou though right?

A small panic ran through his mind

And without thinking straight he just went up to these two

They both look at hanako

„Oh hanako! How are you? Ive missed you!“

Mitsuba just stayed quiet not wanting to say anything to the other ghost

Missed him huh? If he really did then he wouldn’t have avoided him so much

„Uhm yeah hey kou.im ok.ive missed you too„

„Oh by the way is it okay if we won’t do the cleaning duty today? Me and yashiro promised to meet up at her place today“

Again?.

How long will this all keep going?!!?

„Ah well can’t you like dunno skip it on another day? You know its very VEEERRRY lonely being allllll alone here~“

„Oh come on you wont die from boredom. And besides its pretty important to me.“

„Fine fine. I have to talk to you later anyway. So I’ll see you at lunch“

„A-actually i promised to go take pictures with mitsuba at lunchtime“

Hearing that made hanako snap on the inside

He quickly turned around to the pink ghost giving him a death glare

„Is that so?…“

„I-I UHM ACTUALLY HAVE SOME THINGS TO DO dont hurt me SO SORRY KOU WE CANT MEET UP UHM BYE“

This sudden reaction made kou startle a little

„uhm bye? See you.“

„Soooooooo still busy?????“

„Well not anymore hah“

„GREAT“

He hugged kou tightly happy that he can spend time with him

This made kou blush a little by his sudden hug but he still hugged back

„Can you let go? People are starting to look weirdly at me“

„Just five more minutes❤️“

As expected kou went to the bathroom to meet up with hanako

Just as he entered he was already greeted with a kiss on his cheek

„Hahha you should’ve seen your face!“

He was right kou‘s face looked super funny. He was red like a tomato!

„YOU DAMN BASTARDS THATS CHEATING“

„Nope. No it wasn’t ~“

Kou just mumbled some light hearted curse words while hanako was laughing

„ hahahh…ah Ive missed this“

„What do you mean by that?“

Crap

Hanako frowned and took kou‘s hand

„Listen this might sound selfish from me but…“

Kou was feeling intense at this moment

„I’ve been feeling as if im not good enough for you“

Ok help the poor boy he is about to have a Heart attack

„Maybe you should find someone e-„

Kou quickly grabbed hanako‘s other hand

„DONT YOU DARE SAY THAT“

Hanako was taken back by his sudden rising voice

„Hanako.you mean a lot to me.i don’t know what made you feel that you aren’t good enough but i will do my best to make you never EVER feel like that“

These words almost made hanako tear up

„Its just. Why would you be with someone who can’t even leave the school“

Kou just suddenly hugged hanako

„I understand what you mean.mitsuba also told me how much this suck-…no this is isnt about him right now.“

He pushed hanako slightly to look him in the eyes

„always stuck to the school or not.i dont care.ghost or human.i dont care. Ive fallen for your personality.and all the adventures we’ve had“

„I love you and only you hanako“

Hanako was speechless

„He just hugged him back but this time more tightly

„I know idiot.i love you too“

Thank you for your request! Hope i left you satisfied as always! Please visit again <3

[runfast-runfar]

Daily things

9/13/23

✨ a coworker of mine went to Paignton a town in England and brought me back some things bc my name is never on anything lol! It was so sweet and thoughtful!

✨ I ended up testing positive for covid yesterday, and I don’t feel great but I also don’t feel very bad. So it’s actually nice bc I have the rest of the week off but I don’t feel awful so I can still get stuff done in my day. (Knocks on wood I don’t begin to feel really awful!)

✨ I’m dog sitting for two weeks and I went grocery shopping and saw these little small Halloween Squishmallows and had to get them! For being in the spirit!! I actually got the cat and beaver yesterday and loved the bat but chose to only get two. And then I couldn’t stop thinking of the bay and so I went back today and got him ☺️

✨ I went on a run this morning and I shifted my mindset with running a few days ago and it’s brought so much joy back into running! I hadn’t ran in almost a year due to treatment/ed related things. And so I was getting so angry at myself bc I couldn’t run like before. My endurance is essentially gone. I’m tired allllll the fucking time. And I’m so bloated and uncomfortable 100% of the time. When I would go run I’d feel awful that I could only go a mile and then be struggling. I would keep saying and thinking about how I used to go out for 12-15 mile runs multiple times a week and not even have broken a sweat. I felt horrendous compared to that. But then I thought back to when I started running back in middle school. I would run a song and walk a song for an hour. And then I’d run two songs, walk one song… and then over time it’d be three or four songs and walk one song.. until eventually I was just running. And I realized maybe that’s what I go back to now. There’s no shame in that. I’ve taken a year off of running. I’m not going to pick up where I left off exactly, and a lot of the beauty of this process will come from starting over. And ever since I looked at it that way, it’s been better. I’ll set to go out for 45 minutes to an hour, alternately between running and walking if needed and not judge myself for it and it’s transformed how I feel after run! And I’m excited to see the growth and progress over time!

✨ when I was on a run this morning I knew to take it easy bc I am sick even if I don’t feel like death. So I went out for 45 minutes and ran 2-3 songs and then would walk a song, run 2-3 then walk one, etc. and it just felt like fun and I loved it.

Then I came back, drank my coffee and watched the Barbie movie (I love it! Also obsessed with Margot Robbie so I’m biased lol!) after that I did a 45 minute peloton class and then have spent the rest of today relaxing, taking a nap, and now I’m watching I, Tonya.

✨ it’s now 2:30 in the afternoon, I’m going to spend the rest of today journaling, playing the switch, taking Finn (the doggo) on a walk, reading a bit and then probably watching another movie later on! I appreciate the relaxing moments so much.

✨ I ended up reaching out to the treatment program I’ve been in for 6 months now (2 months in residential and 4 months in PHP) and letting one of the dietitians know I am leaving against medical advice. I can’t take the time off work anymore and I do feel ready. So we’ll see.

✨ I hope you’re all well, and happy hump day!

[bittenrabbit]

4 days of mtg in a ROW. i am exhausted and i want to take a biiiig break from card games haha

it's been fun though!

- I got first place in a standard event on thursday (the guy who got second opened a sheoldred in his promo pack :0)

-i had an interesting friday night defined by josh's etali deck going craazy, he got it out super fast and killed us ALLLLLL

-Aster and I played a chaos draft on sunday!! She went undefeated and, in stark contrast to her performance, I went almost as defeated as possible lmaoo

-Today I got to coach Gwen through a game! Good times overall, I enjoy helping a tonne :> Josh tried my bunny deck and had a great time too. Really highlighted to me that I don't actually need to even play to enjoy these events, kinda just there for the social interaction lol

I think I had more fun watching people light up when asked about their decks on thursday than I did actually playing! It's nice to see people playing something they're passionate about :)

[kryptonitejelly]

personals below because this has become my personal diary, i am sorry.

1 - i took a wine pairing with dinner and 😌 i am insanely nicely wined up

2 - i packed up my closet today and found a pair of super hugging jeans i’ve worn like 1x in april. so i put that on today and it is loose. i guess this is the accidental result of having run so much this year????

3 - i packed up my closet and realised i have too many fucking clothes. it killed all and any urges to buy any new clothes.

4 - i went shopping and got the second bracelet i was lusting over. i thought i would regret this but i do not !!!! my books are closed until after 1st quarter of next year

5 - i got gifted another bracelet that i really wanted !!!! and this one relatively inexpensive but but but i absolutely love it 😌

6 - also, i made a choice not to do any work today, and slept till 9+ in the morning and lazed allllll the way in bed till 1030, and boy do i feel good because i can’t remember the last time i did that.

7 - my friend passed me the load of skin care she got for me at her friend’s staff discount and i 😌😌

8 - (/edited to add) this is going to sound so nerdy but i had a very intellectually stimulating discussion with my bf today about a legal issue and how it worked with trust law and wow, i just appreciated that discussion sm? idk how to explain this…

i’ve had a relatively online-detached day today soooo if ya’ll sent stuff, yes i see it, yes i’ll get to it!

[virtual-babyboi]

this is a mental health diary now i guess??

i saw a psychiatrist for the first time today. i was very much in my feelings going into it, thinking about how i wanted this kind of help for so long but when asking for it in the past, it was used against me. how i haven’t had stability to afford to do something like this until now. was nervous as i didn’t know what to expect, but overall it went well. I liked her, it didn’t feel like she was rushing me, she was very personable and considerate, and helped me in understanding everything that was happening.

she doesn’t think i have bpd tho cause i don’t sh significantly and “depression isn’t a huge problem for people with bpd” which doesn’t sound right to me but idk. but she was very confident that i have type 2 bipolar disorder which was not something i was expecting. i’m still unsure because i don’t feel like i relate to mania that much. definitely not type 1 mania, and i can kinda see how i experience hypomania but still it doesn’t feel super right to me. idk, but i’m going with it all for now and we’ll see if anything changes.

she was like, “yeah i’m writing down insomnia, anxiety, ptsd, panic disorder, and type 2 bipolar” and i’m like… lmao u mean allllll dat??

idk how diagnoses works. like am i diagnosed with all of those things on top of the cptsd diagnoses my therapist gave me???

she prescribed me lamictal and i start taking tonight, the things are moving so fast it’s a little chaotic feeling. my therapist isn’t sure about the bipolar diagnosis either. but honestly, idk about my new therapist. they’re alright but not as personable as i thought they would be and they don’t really go deep into the things that i bring up. they stay mainly focused on top of the coping tools for emoreg, which is what i asked for and i guess it’s good to be goal-oriented, but still. i miss my old therapist and i wonder if i’m not feeling the connection because this is the first white therapist i’ve had in a bit.

idk but again, just trusting the process for now and trusting that i can change things later on if i need to, and this is a way i can practice patience. it’s mental health awareness day apparently so here’s my little mental health treat for such a big day.

[mistymark]

this is what i like to call: a ✨ moodboard ✨

[to-star-lake]

"oh, my baaaaaby!! come give daddy a hug!"

as soon as you and your little boy walked in through the doors of one of bonten's offices uptown, sanzu ran towards the door, arms wide open.

"koko!" your boy waddles right past his dad towards kokonoi, who was sitting on the leather couch in the middle of the room. he'd set down the cup of espresso he was sipping on and opened his arms, welcoming your little boy as he jumped onto his lap for a hug.

"hey there, little man!" koko squeezed him in a big hug.

"hi koko," he giggled. "look, look! i did a fractions quiz today, i got them allllll right," he beamed, pulling out a sheet of paper from his backpack.

"let me take a look at that," koko took the sheet of paper from him and feigned glancing over it, making a face like he was super focused. "wow, you really did make perfect marks, didn't you? gimme five!"

your little boy jumped, laughing as his little palm smacked against koko's.

"seriously? did you see that?" sanzu groaned, falling flat on the floor, whining as you approached him. "it's like i don't even exist."

you laugh. "no, he loves you babe, he just...sees too much of you."

sanzu jerked up to sitting. "hey, it's not abnormal for a father to want to drive his child to and from school every day."

you give him a look. "no, but to also hang out right outside the cafeteria during lunchtime and to watch the kids when they're at recess from afar every day? i've gotten calls from his teachers and principal that you're scaring the kids. it's creepy, babe. and he gets embarrassed."

"i- embarrass- well, that's just!-" your husband blabbered, all astonished like you hadn't been telling him about this little problem of his for weeks now.

"i just wanna make sure nobody's pickin' on him at school. he's so book-ish.."

you watched your little boy slide himself off the couch and run over to show his quiz to kakucho and mikey, who smiled and mussed with his hair.

"perfect marks, huh?" ran smirked from the armchair opposite koko. "sanzu, you sure he's yours? definitely did not get his brains from you," he burst into laughter at his own joke when a little hand suddenly came slicing at the side of his neck, causing ran's body to snap forward in pain, coughing like he was hacking up a lung.

"hey man, what's the big deal?!" ran wheezed, turning to see your boy standing beside his chair, arm still out where he struck him.

"nobody makes fun of daddy," he said in a low voice, eyes dark and glaring at ran.

"ah, hahah, oh come on kiddo, you know i wouldn't actually make fun of your da-" ran shook his hands at him defensively.

your son's eyes narrowed, still giving ran the death stare. "uh huh," he said, then turned from him with a 'hmph' and went back to mikey to ask for some dorayaki.

you couldn't help but laugh, looking down at your husband's shocked expression. "I don't think anybody's gonna be picking on him."