#were trying to lose 15 lbs and I thought what

[everoutoftouch]

.

[saddie-to-baddie]

January 15, 2023

Before I start my little A.I.P. experiment, I need to be honest about what my starting point is, otherwise I KNOW I'm not going to think there's any progress and quit.

For anyone stumbling across this and cares for a little background info, I have Multiple Sclerosis (Dx 12.2019) and have now been off medication since 11.2022 (thanks to an insurance hiccup/moving) and I'm eager to resume treatments because things have been ROUGH.

But being off meds has reminded me that I can and still need to take steps to keep myself under control as much as I can. So I decided to try out the Anti Inflammatory Protocol elimination diet again. 😅

So here's my baseline check-in:

1. I'm absolutely tired. I'm sleeping like trash, sometimes my own fault (energy drinks, going out, scrolling on the phone) and sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night and that's it, I'm up. Right now I've been up since 530am after going to sleep around 1am.

Fatigue: 7/10.

Quality of Sleep: 4/10.

2. Physically I don't feel as symptomatic in terms of loss of sensation and balance, but I feel SO bloated all the time, very 'crunchy' and constantly cracking and popping my back, fingers and more often than usual, my left hip. The hip is always unintentional but is loud and takes me by surprise. My skins been a dumpster fire and was breaking out all over, especially jaw/neck (most painful and persistent), back, side and shoulders and especially my hairline.

My left tonsil has been swollen and painful and producing a LOT of tonsil stones, body constantly aches, feet hurt, seems to be a permanent headache at play.

Bloating: 8/10 (Definitely look pregnant, but not very painful).

Pain: 6/10. Only occasionally using ibuprofen.

Weight: 191 lbs /pant size~16

I really am considering tracking body measurements but I feel like I'm going to lose my focus on feeling better if I don't end up losing weight so I'm going to try not to focus on these areas as much. Weightloss would be a welcome side affect of the diet since I've been struggling there, but my overall goal is to find the foods that make me feel so bad.

3. I've been trying to increase my water intake by using teas and Mio to flavor it but I have not really felt any improvement. My mouth is always dry, and I feel like no matter how much I take care of my teeth right now, my breath smells.

Hydration: 4/10

4. My mental health feels like a JOKE. There's not been a lot of time for just me, to be able to breathe. Between work, momming, struggling to square out my medical needs, and just life, I feel like I'm constantly in a state of panic and on the verge of bubbling over. I either cry or shut down completely mentally. Still have to be mom and take care of the dog, and get work done. But I don't even have the energy to stay up after the little one goes to sleep. I'm pretty confident that I'm asleep before she is lately. My patience is soooo thin.

I've been considering trying to get back on antidepressants but the idea of that scares me because I know it's a guessing game until we figure out the right dosage and med. The last time I tried antidepressants certain thoughts were at an all time high so I completely quit cold turkey.

Happiness: 4/10

Anxiety: 6/10

Depression: 7/10

Mental Clarity: 3/10

Ability to Focus/Understand: 4/10

Overall I feel like a trash bag of a person, mentally and physically. I don't feel like me, so let's see how much of that improves. 😬

[vinjaryou]

From: Ship Ask Game - The Basics

❤️💜 For Vincent and Reilena. Canon/canonverse:

5. Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about? 15. What songs remind you of their relationship? 28. Who’s the better chef? Do they cook for the other? 43. If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

Such good questions!! I rambled a LOT, so all the answers are going under the cut here, I hope you enjoy reading~!

5: Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

Full-out arguments are pretty rare between them - they'll have disagreements, and 'well, that's your opinion' discussions - but arguments? They're not common, as they'll try to work it out before it escalates to that level.

That said, dealing with past transgressions is something they still have A Time with, especially with Vincent refusing (at first) to talk about his life before he was shot. He gets better with it over time as he and Reilena grow closer and the walls start to come down, but at the start, any attempt to talk about it would be met with silence or a firm "Not now." It was rough when the group was planning Barret and Tifa's rescue from Junon - that was when they had their first argument, and it was before they were 'officially' together to boot - so you have that romantic/sexual tension mixed in with actual tension and heightened emotions...

Post-canon, serious arguments usually crop up due to concern/worrying over the other, as Vincent and Reilena are very protective of one another. When he finds out that she's begun taking jobs with the WRO along with still helping at the bar? That protectiveness goes up a thousandfold, and then you have the events of DoC...

Also? Vincent doesn't yell during arguments - his tone is firm, his voice tends to lower, and if he's to the point of almost yelling, he'll speak through clenched teeth. He'll pace when it's beginning to get to him, and leave when he gets too frustrated/can't word his thoughts properly, so if Reilena goes to try and get back in his face about it, all he'll do is set his hands on her shoulders, look her in the eye, and tell her to "leave me alone. Please." He has a temper, but he doesn't want to lose it, especially with her, and especially when he's still dealing with the others within him, since LBs come out during heightened emotional states and anger? Is exactly that.

Reilena's a pacer when it comes to arguments as well, but she's also one who wants to deal with it head-on. Whereas Vincent wants to be left alone with his thoughts when he's frustrated, Reilena wants to work it out and deal with it, and it's something she has to adjust when she and Vincent get together. The upside to it though, is that she helps him clear his thoughts, especially when they turn toward the negative, and will give him his space when needed, leaving perhaps a short note or a message with a mutual friend to "talk when you're ready."

Said mutual friend is often Cid, Tifa, or Reeve, as both Vincent and Reilena will go to one of them if they're having a disagreement with each other.

15: What songs remind you of their relationship?

Way. Too. Many, lol. Music plays such a huge part in my writings and crafting the AUs and their relationships, and inspires a lot of scenarios/miniseries. So let's see if I can pick just a few here!

...and right off the bat I have to put two versions of the same song, lol. Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptica (Doug Robb vocals and Brent Smith vocals - they are both emotional and lovely). With the lyrics, cello, and the tone of each vocalist, it always gets me thinking about Vincent dealing with his emotions regarding his budding relationship, the failed ones before, his guilt over Lucrecia, and whether or not he truly deserves what he has. He's in the cavern visiting her once again, voicing his concerns and worries to one who can never truly answer him anymore - and who can't tell him that his current love has come to her as well, with similar worries and concerns for him.

Lovesong by The Cure is pretty much them to each other. It's soul-bearing and yet so open and emotional. This is how much you mean to me, this is how much I love you... 'you make me feel like I am home again.' We've been through so much, we're still here together, and if anything that bond and love has grown so much stronger for it. To be quite honest, it's one I could see him murmuring the lyrics to in her ear while they're holding each other, just savoring being in each other's arms.

AND NOW MORE LONGING FOR EACH OTHER, LOL - Alone, by Heart. Stolen glances, the shy blushing when they're caught looking, biting lips and hidden smiles, letting minds wander while wondering "what if...?" All the while the rest of the crew is quietly muttering "JUST KISS ALREADY."

Wild is the Wind, by David Bowie. I've already decided that this is the song I'm going to have playing on repeat when I write their wedding night consummation, because the first time I heard it, that was what I saw in my mind. It's just very emotional and tender and the culmination of so much longing and love and this is their forever now, just. IT MAKES ME FEEL A LOT OF THINGS, I love them, I'm not sorry.

And I absolutely have to put this version of The Nightmare Begins and Vincent's Masquerade (Valentine's Edition) because Reasons~

...I'm sticking with these songs for now, because I'm already sitting here planning out an actual playlist to span their relationship, XD

28: Who's the better chef? Do they cook for the other?

The extremely short answer is: she cooks, he bakes.

Reilena's better when it comes to cooking meals, thanks to living with Elmyra and Aerith growing up, and then Tifa teaching her some more in the kitchen of the 7th Heaven thanks to her life in Nibelheim and dealing with living in the slums afterward. She's not an ace chef by any means, but she's also not about to burn cereal. yes, Vincent burned hot cereal once and it's something that he gets teased about to this day. Cooking is something she enjoys, as it brings warm memories back, and it's something that she can share with others - a full kitchen is a happy kitchen, and she especially loves when the Heaven is closed to the public and they're all there for a family gathering/celebration.

But she also loves being able to make an intimate little dinner for two and let them indulge while sharing food, drinks, and just being together~

Vincent however, is the baker in their little household. It's a relaxing hobby for him while also indulging his sweet tooth, and lets them both be in the kitchen at the same time, as he'll ask her to help him out at times/give a second opinion with taste tests*. It's also a hobby that he usually keeps quiet about - and people tend to not believe him, because really. A guy like him? BAKING SWEETS?! - but when desserts are brought to parties and gatherings, it's always obvious what was store-bought and what was homemade.

*...and yes sometimes it escalates and the sweet gets hot and spicy~

43: If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

They get to dress each other, eh~? That said, they would still want to make sure the other is comfortable, yet let them indulge a bit, sooo...

Vincent would pick out a blouse for Reilena rather similar to the one she's wearing here (probably in a soft lavender, or if we go darker colors, a rich violet/phtalo green) with a lace-up corset style bodice, black flared pants with lacing up the sides or front, and a pair of boots/heels just a couple inches high, enough so that she can rest her head comfortably on his shoulder. The neckline of her blouse would be a sweetheart one, so that her pendant rests just above her cleavage, and silver drop earrings to match, if they're not wearing their matching small dangle earrings (they were a gift from Yuffie, with tiny charms in the likeness of their default weapons) the ring is later I mean what.

Reilena would pick out a button-up shirt for Vincent in a deep crimson or violet blue, and a corset-style vest, with the first few buttons of his shirt left undone (if he's comfortable with it, though she'd ask while idly unbuttoning it already, oops~ If he says no, then it gets buttoned back up) and black sleeve garters so he can keep his sleeves rolled to just above his elbow because claws/gauntlet. If it's evening she'll give him tight black leather pants to go with the top; if it's daytime, it'll be boot-cut black/dark wash jeans, because Vincent still wears boots (just not with the sabaton covers postcanon). The bandanna is a mainstay, unless he's all right with going without it, and if she's wearing the earrings Yuffie gave them, then Vincent will wear his as well, otherwise it's usually a simple crimson, violet, or silver stud earring.

Mind you, this is them picking out a more casual, everyday outfit for each other. If we go formal/adult, then they'd have a little more fun indulging in looks~

THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN, please feel free to ask for more/if you want more insight into these answers~ ♥

[serafienn]

Lil backstory to all this and a big ass lesson to anyone, NEVER and i mean NEVER change yourself for a MAN. i am a person who just feels more comfortable not eating much and being skinnier, while i know that this isnt the healthiest it still is how ive always been. Now i met this guy and he was into... Bigger women... Or so i thought. He followed a bunch of weird corn accounts on Instagram and it was mainly of plus sized models so me as a little insecure validation seeking teenage girl who has struggled with an eating disorder most of her teen years chooses to do what? Leave the dude behind because he doesnt fit my goals and will push me away from them further? WRONG. my dumbass decided to GAIN WEIGHT. It took me about an entire summer to lose weight and ever since that summer a year ago its been a rocky road struggling to maintain that weight and lose more. I threw all that down the drain for one man. I definitely did gain weight and while i went up a cup size most of it went to my waist. I definitely didn't gain something crazy like 40 lbs in one month but more around 10-15. To make matters worse i dont even think the guy liked ONLY big girls despite the fact that he would skinny shame me but i think he just liked any girl. Didnt Matter if they where brandy sized or plus sized he just wanted ANYONE. Now i just cant stand him and i gained weight which i worked so hard to lose. Were on winter break at the moment so ill try to lose weight because I'm so jealous of my thin friends. Im not ugly by no means but I just dont have the body to match my face, especially not now. Let this be a lesson to all of you ana girlies DO NOT DO IT FOR A BOY DO IT FOR YOURSELF 😭😭😭

[domithekingoffools]

Unhinged Class Quotes From 10th Grade

The amount of bullshit my class says is baffling, so I have compiled some funny/questionable quotes that I have heard from them

1. My asscheeks are eating my underwear -Makayla

Want me to pick it for you? -Max

2. School shooter vibes, I'm so quirky -Makayla

3. Sometimes I shit so hard I can't stand up -Max

4. You tell Ms.S I made a suicidal gesture and I'll tell your mom you like coochie -Max

5. You know, blorbo from your shows! -Domi

What shows am I watching???- Makayla

6. Serenity duck -Sam

Immediately throws hat violently at Serenity 

7. Pink hair and pronouns? Yeah, well, makayla's black -Unrecorded

8. That's the thing about legs, you can walk with them -Makayla 

9. Benjamin Franklin was a fat president -Elijah

10. Does she have plaques in her house that say breast and nothing else? -Sam

11. Blegh, he looks so ugly. WAIT! That's what we're trying to prevent! -Max

12. I feel like ranboo was a late bloomer-max

What????? -Domi

I feel like ranboo was a late bloomer -Max

Oh I thought you said leaf blower -Domi

13. It's sad bitch autumn -Max

Max, that's called seasonal depression -Domi

14. Skylar baby this candy corn looks like you! -Gracie

Deformed? -Skylar

Yeah! -Gracie

15. Preston, if you don't move, I am going to resize your asshole -Noah

16. Preciate it homedog -Nathan

17. Eyghhagh -Gracie

Youunghna -Elijah

Eeeeua-gracie

Aaafughhaeu -Elijah

*grudge noises* -Gracie

18. You've gained 200 pounds since the last time I saw you! -Austin

I didn't weigh 50 pounds when you left -Noah

19. At least I have a soul you ginger -Newton

20. My sister's hot as hell tho -Gracie

21. Back when I was skinny -Noah

YOU WERE SKINNY??? -Coach C

22. Because of the hookers -Serenity

23. I don't have xbox anymore! -Brody

I know! -Nathan

Dawson traded that bitch for a shotgun! -Brody

24. I didn't know that the boys who were gay in highschool had sex with other guys -Jayla

25. Think racist thoughts -Nathan

26. It's 9:11 make a wish -Unrecorded

27. I know that but the state of alabama says she can -Nathan

28. Sometimes I think we're the smart class, then jayla opens her mouth -Domi

29. I don't know what we were drawing, but all the sudden it became really buff -Domi

30. Imagine Adrian's hair as a loofa… something soft touching my balls… -Unrecorded 

31. Ms.H said she gonna put y'all in concentration camps if y'all don't sit down -Noah

32. Brody just declared independence and crushed everyone. HE WAS AMERICA -Unrecorded

33. Blegh I forgot pepsi tasted like that-serenity

Like what? -Makayla

Like pepsi -Serenity

34. No shove your fist in his mouth and grab his tongue -Adrian

35. What facts will you go with reeses and snickers, which will make you fatter? -Serentiy

36. This is like the ideologies of white girls nowadays -Nathan

37. The walk of sadness -Max

You mean the trail of tears??? -Makayla

38. Imma do shrooms cause they come from the earth! -John

39. If you can do it (one leg burpees) at 250(lbs), you can do them at 160! -Coach C

Noah's been doing them at- -Nathan

Noah, how much you weigh? -Coach C

About the same as you 250, 260 -Noah

I need to lose weight -Coach C

40. Just because I forgot the principle is dead doesn't mean anything -Makayla

41. You don't have boobies, you have mommy milkers -Makayla

42. I didn't know your cooch elongates -Makayla

43. I clearly won -Serenity, drawing a curved line

No, clearly I got 69 -Newton, drawings a 69

No, clearly I got 69 -Serenity, drawing a 69 over the previous one

Clearly I won I got 420 -Newton, drawing a 420

No I won I got 9/11 -Serenity

44. Whenever I drink monster, I play tetris like a god -Makayla

45. Context: uno, the most recent played card was a green 9

Max plays a green 6

It's not a 9! -Domi

Max takes it back

The card was green! -Serenity 

Max plays the card again

46. I need to lubricate my throat! -Makayla

47. I still need to use my Ls! -Max

Max your whole life is an L! -Domi

48. *Demon Voice™️* NO! NO! *Kiss* NO! GET OFF THE BED! NO! -Max

49. Oh, that? That's old steak mouth over there, you don't want to kiss him you'll get diabetes -Max

50. The children yearn for the mines Ms.S! -John

51. You wanna lick my stick? -Serenity 

Not really -Max

52. My mom didn't do drugs, she ate salami -Serenity 

53. I know you felt the rizz -Makayla

54. I rizzed you up too hard -Makayla

55. Bears have their tiddies out 24/7 -Makayla 

56. If I'm not being ravaged, I'm ravaging, you can't change my mind -Serenity

57. Fingers are fingers, unless you're missing one cause I'm not licking a stub -Serenity 

58. He's not girly pop, he's woman soda -Max

59. For the sake our beans, we can lie -Max

60. You're not wrong but the context is horrible -Makayla 

61. Together we form… MEGA FAGGOT -Makayla 

62. I can feel the wind on my left asscheek without you -Newton

63. It's a confusing math, but it's a math -Makayla 

64. Why is he shooting staples in his drink? -Nathan

I'm killing the bacteria in it -Landon

65. Was she a female? I just put she was female and caring -Unrecorded 

66. But I DO know, I've seen you naked -Serenity 

67. Somebody could hand landon green lint and he'd smoke it -Noah

68. I'm sorry you suck at minecraft, but it's probably because you're a helmet kid -Serenity 

69. You know your disability? You're white -Serenity 

70. White power -Landon

71. My body, my choice. Now put your own damn computer up -Max

72. That'd be pretty funny if we all got cancer -Jayla

73. Ava's gonna sit there and cry until she turns white -Landon

74. I want to put a finger in her cleavage -Serenity 

75. He aged like milk, nice and chunky -Serenity 

76. Oh my god you decapitated him! -Ej

That's why he needs CPR! -Ms.S

77. You're as mexican as I am black -Caycee

78. *puts a book that says atlas on Serenity's desk* Y'all want this? -Coach C

Atlantis? -Serenity 

79. Yeah… the kids sitting on the floor are the ones in honors -Cooper

80. The only thing I know in spanish is something racist -Nathan

81. I'm surprised Landon don't got extra small shorts to accentuate his… nevermind -Nathan

82. It's torn in both holes! -Serenity 

83. I don't care if his chin is 2 feet long, I love him -Max

84. Red, white, and blue baby, like your mom's coochie -Serenity 

85. Yeah, you'll just add another inch to that forehead -Serenity 

86. Makayla is dripping with moisture -Max

87. No, no, a 60 will still bring my grade up, so will a 67 -Landon

88. Is there any topic we can talk about that isn't Nyleah's life? -Ms.S

My grandma's casket! -Landon

89. Because I look terrible -Gracie

That's everyday honey -Ms.A

90. You can admit it if you read Danny Phantom mpreg -Max

91. Noah has a history of breaking seating arrangements in my classroom -Ms.M

It was one time! -Noah

92. Aren't we so pretty! I'm so white… -Ms.M

93. Sexually harassing someone is not rizz -Serenity

94. You know Noah got scared cause he started rubbing his stomach-Nathan

95. I don't think dollar taco monday ever existed -Nathan

96. I HAVE TESTOSTERONE!!! I'M A MAN!!! -Serenity 

97. No strawberry, drink your black milk like an sjw -Max

98. When I read fanfics I read angst, smut, and no comfort -Max

That's because you are a broken, broken man -Domi

99. You're going to be the Elvis of burping -Makayla

100. Makayla is dripping with moisture -Max

101. Just a little sprinkle of tism -Titus

102. Are you a god? -Serenity 

No, I'm a whore -Domi

103. She turned that chair into a furry -Domi

104. If I don't get my daily 2 hours of staring into the abyss, I'll break out in hives and… shit bullets or something, I don't know -Max

105. If someone gets scarred for life, that's their problem -Domi

106. You have jiggle physics -Makayla 

107. I'M A WOMAN! CAW CAW! -Serenity 

108. I'm sorry but I can't condone that, let's talk about something else -Sam

109. He's so ugly, I'd gag every time he wants to go down on me -Max

110. You can sip coffee on my lap -Makayla 

Only if I can drink it out of your mouth -Max

111. I don't think they're real cheese either, BUT AS AN AMERICAN -Max

112. Mount me like a deer -Makayla 

113. As a vagina person, I shouldn't have to work -Max

114. I poisoned his cup noodles -Max

In a bit (soon hopefully) I'll post stats (who had the most quotes in a teir list) and a top ten most cursed quotes!

[its-a-crazy-world-aintit]

While trying to get a better grasp on my own mental health, I’ve been researching ADHD. I was diagnosed in middle school but honestly my family and I did almost nothing with said diagnosis so here I am at 30 trying to figure out how to function in the world.

That being said, I see so many posts about people being diagnosed and put on medication and how it is a game changer. They’re able to focus, they’re getting things done. And I’m so happy for them.

My own experiences with meds have not been so great. I have tried meds twice, once when first diagnosed in middle school, then again at the start of college.

First off, the meds did their job. I was able to focus. I was able to get things done. My schoolwork was much better. I was staying on top of chores.

THE MEDICINE WORKED. However: the side effects were not worth the trade off.

I’m not sure what we tried when I was younger, it was 18 years ago. But, it made me aggressive and mean. I would pick fights with everyone for any reason. Now I was all of 95lbs in 7th grade but that didn’t stop me. Most of my memories from that time period are rage at the world. Other things contributed to my mental state, but the meds made it so I was always on edge.”, ready to attack. So my parents and doctor took me off of them after a few months. My mood mellowed out, I was able to control my temper.

In college, after realizing I couldn’t brute force my way through classes anymore, we tried again. This time I took Vyvanse. The worst side effect was appetite suppression. I did better in my classes over a remedial summer session but I lost 7 lbs in 2 weeks. This was not good. I was around 110lbs at the time. (I’m only about 125 now.) I did not gain the infamous freshmen 15. I did not (still don’t) have 7 lbs to lose. I would get up in the morning, take my meds at 7:30am and not want to eat till 9pm at night after all the dining options had closed.

I addition to appetite loss, I also got really zoney. I could focus in class but if I wasn’t focused on a specific thing, I just spaced out. Completely. I didn’t have my usual thoughts pinging everywhere. I wasn’t thinking anything. My mind being quiet freaked me out big time. Some people love this when they take meds for ADHD. I couldn’t stand it.

Anyway. Long post to say: if you have ADHD and don’t take medication for it, that’s fine. It is not for everyone. I have built systems to take some of the load off that medicine could have because the side effects (for me) we’re not worth it. If it works for you, yay!

[di3tc0ke-angel]

What happens when you r3strict as an obese person:

• My BMI is still considered “overweight”. I now weigh 173 lbs (78 kg), but when I started, i was 350 lbs (158 kg). For reference, I am 5’6. My BMI was at a 56.5 at that time! I try to keep in mind that I have like 15-25 lbs of extra skin, but I’ll have more once I get to my goal weight.

• Extra skin 🙄 I can not stress enough how much I HATE IT!!! It really fucks up the perception of my body (as if it isn’t distorted enough anyways). When I sit down, it looks like my stomach is huge, my thighs and my arms look so huge, as well. Not to mention, to get rid of that skin is hella expensive.

• Everyone, and I mean everyone has treated me differently. Nobody in school would even talk to me or sit by me. Once I lost about 50-100 lbs, all of a sudden, I started gaining friends and the school faculty was even nice. Then I got down to 200 lbs or so and that’s when I started having people flirt or ask me out. It’s so wild but it’s true.

• Skin rashes/pain. Due to the excess skin, I sometimes get rashes or the area of skin hurts. I live in the USA, so ✨healthcare✨ is awful. I’ve been trying to find loopholes in order to get insurance to pay for the surgery.

• I used to get rumors about me saying that I was on drugs or something along the lines of that. I thought it was hilarious because the people that spread those were the worst people imaginable, so I didn’t care what they said, it just got annoying.

• I can finally fit in size medium and small. I have never ever wore a small or medium in my entire life. Although, when it comes to pants, I’m in the double digits (I guess each store is different 🙄).

So, to sum it all up, that was my experiences. I plan and vow to never ever go back to the way I used to eat and live. If i told y’all my diet, y’all would be ✨disgusted✨. Losing weight has been a battle and a journey but it was worth it, even going through the typical 3d bullshit.

[thedeathdeelers]

last names and fake IDs

It’s a Saturday afternoon and Luke & Julie are lounging on the couch in the Molina living room, idly flicking through TV channels to find something interesting enough to watch. Julie’s mostly content just sitting sideways on Luke’s lap, her legs extended onto the length of the sofa. Her head’s resting against his shoulder, her forehead pressed against his neck as she plays with the chain hanging there.

She watches Luke as he keeps flicking through channels faster than she can keep up, soaking up the warm feeling of his free hand resting on her hip.

It’s a quiet and uneventful afternoon, but it’s a happy one.

As Julie shifts to get more comfortable in an attempt to try and keep up with the flickering channels on the TV screen, she feels something digging into her thigh. Reaching over to move it, she notices the faded fabric of Luke’s ever present wallet hanging off the painfully obvious 90s accessory he refuses to part with.

And while her hand hovers in the air above it, Julie realises she’s never actually seen it up close, never thought to open it and see what might be inside. She has always wanted to know more about his life before her, but never wanted to press him for information he wasn’t willing to freely give her. Would he let her go through any of the personal items he might have in his wallet?

Mind tentatively made up, Julie tugs at the wallet to free up more of the chain, bringing it up towards her ready to slowly pry it open, savouring in the strange yet satisfying sound of velcro.

She chances a glance at Luke’s face, and although his eyes are still glued to the TV she sees the corners of his lips twitch, the only sign that he’s aware of what she’s up to.

Happy to consider this his way of giving her the go-ahead, Julie pulls the wallet open the rest of the way, the scratchy fabric beneath her fingers reminding her that this relic belongs to a previous century.

She opens her mouth to let slip a teasing comment about Luke’s taste in fashion accessories, but stops short the second her eyes spot the picture slid under the small clear plastic film. Her index finger hovers over it as she traces her own features, a silly smile spreading over her face.

Technically she knew he had a picture of her in his wallet - he had asked her for it after all - but it was still different seeing it firsthand as opposed to just knowing of its existence.

On impulse, with the bubbly feeling of happiness filling up her chest, Julie turns her head towards Luke’s face and presses her lips against his cheek. When she pulls away she finds him looking at her, his own smile taking over his features.

“What was that for?”

“Nothing. Just felt like it,” she shrugs innocently, pressing another quick kiss to the corner of his smiling lips before she diverts her attention back to the wallet in her hands.

She goes through each pocket, making sure to check every single one just in case she might miss one. And although most of them are empty, Julie does find a few interesting items. The first thing she comes across is a bunch of expired coupons from a local supermarket that no longer exists. It’s still surreal to her when in moments like these, she’s reminded of the reality of their situation.

Quickly pushing aside any complicated thoughts, Julie moves onto the pocket underneath the previous one, pulling out an old arcade membership card. She shakes her head at her find, thinking it’s ridiculous yet pretty on brand for Luke to have this in his wallet. Tucking it back in, Julie’s fingers slide down to the last item in Luke’s wallet.

She traces her fingers over the top of the card before tugging it out to reveal a slightly washed out, very badly made, fake ID. It takes her a little by surprise, but then quickly remembers the boys about all the clubs in they used to play in. They would have definitely needed fake IDs for most if not all of the clubs they had mentioned.

Bringing the faded card closer to her face for a better look, Julie scans the information in front of her, her eyes lingering on a youthful looking Luke staring back at her.

How anyone could have believed the boy in the picture was over 21 is beyond her.

She chuckles at the styling of his hair, the way it’s combed making it obvious that someone had tried and failed to take it into something that might have resembled a presentable style right before the picture was taken. She takes in his boyish smile, a dimple peeking out of his left cheek, a swell of affection warming her heart.

Her gaze lingers on his eyes for a moment longer before her attention shifts onto the name on the ID, laughter bursting out of her the second she spots his last name.

“Luke- Luke- Luke Lastname?” Julie barely manages to get the words out, laughter fighting its way out of her as she clutches at her stomach, pressing her face into Luke’s neck in an attempt to smother the sound spilling out of her.

She feels Luke shake a little underneath her, joining in on her laughter.

“Yeah well. Turns out asking a bunch of 15 year olds to decide on a last name may not be the smartest thing to do.” She feels him shrug, her head moving up and down with his shoulder. “I couldn’t decide so the guy just...went with that.”

Julie’s tries to rein in her laughter, spurts of giggles still managing to escape her.

“You’re- you’re telling me bouncers let you in with- with this?”

“Uh, so most of the time we only ever went into these clubs when we were playing, and they never really seemed that bothered about checking too carefully...” Luke trails off, watching as Julie loses it once more.

Luke Lastname.

It takes her a while to compose herself, but as soon as she manages to control her breathing, Julie loses it all over again the second her eyes lock onto the stated height.

——

LASTNAME

LUKE

15 SEX: M 17 WGT: 120 lb

16 HGT: 6’-01” 18 EYES: GRE

——

[don-quixotine]

Ladynoir July Day 15 - Forbidden

This is a gift for my beloved @sparklylovegiver because today is their birthday and I love them very much, and mom I am so sorry sketchy and I are always tormenting you with angst so here is my gift to you: I try to NOT be as angsty as usual, and offer you some warm humanitarian relief <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPARK!! 💞💞💞

--

Day 15 - Forbidden

For Sparky

“Chat, are you sure everything’s alright?” Ladybug said, interrupting the silence as she and Chat Noir patrolled the streets of Paris a few days after Nino’s last akumatization. “You’ve been very quiet lately.”

Chat frowned. “I’m okay, LB,” he reassured and offered her a smile, but Ladybug saw right through it.

She stopped and placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look squarely at her. “Chat...”

“I just... I was just wondering...” He sighed. “It’s nothing. Really, don’t worry about it. You... you’ll get mad I asked.”

Ladybug searched his eyes with concern in her expression. “Chat Noir, I promise I won’t get mad. You can talk to me. What’s wrong, minou?”

He looked down, unable to deliver his question while being pinned by her piercing stare. “I was just wondering... why can’t we know each other’s identities? I mean... you are the Guardian, aren’t you? You-you're the one that makes the rules, and I was just thinking... I mean, it’s because... Well, I just... Never mind.”

“Tell me,” Ladybug encouraged.

Chat Noir shook his head. “I can’t. If I tell you more I might give myself away.”

Ladybug was warmed by the fact that despite Chat had always longed to reveal his identity and even was asking about it, he still respected her decision.

Ladybug sighed and took a step forward to him. She grabbed both his hands as she spoke. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” he said immediately; a distinct discomfort settled in his stomach. That of not being able to tell whether he was telling the truth, or acting out what was expected of him.

“It’s to protect you.”

“Protect me?” he asked, puzzled. “Protect me from what?”

“From being akumatized.”

Chat frowned, itching to explain exactly where the question came from because Ladybug’s explanation made no sense. But he knew if he were to speak, he would probably unravel a gossip mill that would wound up with his identity being discovered and him losing Nino’s trust. Against his own will, he bit his tongue.

“But how--”

“Trust me, chaton.”

He let go of an exasperated breath. “Can I ask you something else, though?”

“Of course.”

“And you promise to be honest?”

“As honest as I can be.”

“Are--are there any wielders that know each other? I mean, under the mask.”

“Why do you--”

“I just... was curious. I kept thinking about Rena Rouge and Carapace. They... they seem like they know each other. I mean, I can’t possibly explain why they act like a couple when they’re not even permanent wielders like us.”

Ladybug bit her lip, feeling her stomach plunge with nervousness. She promised to be honest. And really, what could possibly happen if she told him the truth? Chat was being curious, nothing more. Right?

“Yes,” she admitted. “They know each other behind the mask.”

Chat knew what the answer was going to be and yet he found himself feeling the same searing anger that briefly overtook him when he learned the truth from Nino. He took a deep breath and reeled in.

Ladybug could see the disappointment in his reaction. She waited for him to say something, but only silence met her. Anxious that Chat was angrier than he was letting on, she disposed to explain herself.

“It was an emergency,” she said, her voice helping Chat find his footing among the whirlwind of emotions that mangled him. “It was on Hero’s Day. When Scarlet Moth attacked, remember? I sent you to get Chloe and I went for Carapace and Rena. I found them together and I didn’t have time to come up with an excuse to separate them. I had no choice but to give them their Miraculous at the same time.”

The sigh of relief that escaped Chat was almost a little too obvious. It made Ladybug wonder whether his questions were really stemming from curiosity alone.

“Ladybug,” he said. “Can I ask you something else?”

She smiled sweetly at him and teased, “You’re quite inquisitive today, aren’t you? Okay, shoot.”

Chat Noir couldn’t help the smile that spread on his lips as he rolled his eyes.

“If you didn’t have to “protect” me,” he air-quoted. “Would... would it still be forbidden for us to know each other?”

“Chat...”

He looked away, unable to hide his disappointment. “It’s okay.” His baton beeped with an alarm clock he had set. He needed to be back in the mansion in ten minutes. “That’s me,” he said. “I have to go now. See you around, LB.”

“Wait,” Ladybug said, grasping his wrist and forcing him to wait. She sighed, and then looked at him with a pleading, a longing, Chat had never seen in her before. It made his heart skip and stumble.

“I had never thought about it,” she explained and knitted her eyebrows in concentration. “But I guess... it depends. If the stakes were lower, maybe. But kitty, you have to remember, our main objective is to defeat Shadowmoth, and we cannot afford to be vulnerable.”

“But Carapace and Rena...”

“I can bench them whenever I please, even change wielders. But I can’t fight without you. You’re irreplaceable.”

Chat Noir pouted, determined to push his argument. “But--but... aren’t they stronger for it? Wouldn’t we be stronger if we knew? And if you’re scared that we may become akumatized... can’t-- can’t you just... I don’t know, make one of those charms you’ve learned to make?”

Ladybug couldn’t help but chuckle. “It’s not so simple, Chat. I’m still not exactly sure how to do that. And don’t you remember what happened with them during the Hero’s Day fight? Carapace was distracted and Rena sacrificed herself, then Queen Bee was taken off guard because Hawkmoth knew her identity and used her family against her. It’s not as easy as just Akuma-proofing.”

“But would you want to?” he insisted, desperation becoming apparent in his voice. “Would you want to know who I am if none of this were in the way?”

A painful knot forming in Ladybug’s throat prevented her from speaking more clearly. “Yes,” she muttered. “Of course I would, Chat.”

Chat Noir looked at her with hope.

“We’ve been through so much together, of course, I would like to know who you are. What you’re like when you’re not making horrible puns, what sort of movies you watch, if you play any sports, what your dream job is... I’d like to know all that. But... we can’t,” she said, sadly. “At least not yet.”

“Not yet?” Chat Noir repeated, his voice broken and evidencing the fact he was holding back tears.

She smiled with a light blush on her cheeks. “Once this is over, chaton.”

“R-really? You promise?”

Ladybug took a moment to reply, if only because she was making the conscious effort to make sure she was promising something she’d be able to deliver. “Yes,” she said softly.

Chat’s eyes glistened with tears, which he hurried to wipe off with his forearm. Then, the alarm went off again.

He hiccupped, trying to not let the menacing tears get the best of him. “Okay.”

He unclipped the baton and disposed to vault off. At the last minute, he turned back to her. “LB?”

“Yes?” she said, smirking. “Weren’t you about to leave?”

“Meowch, trying to get rid of me already?”

Ladybug rolled her eyes and chuckled. “What is it, Chat?”

“We’re good at keeping secrets, right?”

“Right.”

“Do you mind keeping one for me?”

Ladybug looked at him with amused curiosity, then nodded.

Chat gulped, trying to swallow the hammering pulse stuck in his chest. He bent down and quickly pecked her cheek, catching Ladybug by surprise and eliciting a deep, crimson blush on her face.

“Thanks for answering my questions, m’lady,” he whispered before rushing out of view.

[2manyfandoms2count]

I love you (not) - Chapter 15

It's already September and I can't believe this fic isn't finished yet, I swear May was like. Last week.

Anyway, this chapter is full of soft touches because yes, hope you enjoy!

First | Previous | AO3

---

Chapter 15: In which the real pining begins

“Hey Chat, it’s LB, I might be a little late for tonight’s patrol, I’ve been running all day and I still have a couple of things I need to take care of… Could you maybe get some pastries? I’m starving, you’ll forever be my absolute hero (and of course I’ll pay you back, I just can’t swing by a bakery right now). See you in a bit!”

Chat Noir paused as he finished listening to Ladybug’s message, slowly wrapping his head around the fact that she probably wouldn’t be the only one arriving late, despite his best efforts at being early. He looked at her profile picture pensively. His partner had absolutely no idea, but even she was trying to get him to do the right thing, namely: sending him to Marinette.

Well, to a bakery, but he knew very well that he wouldn’t find it in him to bring anything less than the best pastries in Paris to his Lady, especially if it meant getting a grip and owning up to his actions.

Because yes, he was ashamed of admitting it even to himself, but he’d been a coward ever since the fight against Hostzilla. He’d avoided Marinette for almost two weeks (as Chat Noir, obviously, although the past few days had seen his guilt increase so much that he’d struggled to even hold her gaze at school), partly because of last minute additions to his schedule, but mostly because he’d gotten cold feet anytime he’d come remotely close to her building.

It was time this stopped and that he bit the bullet. It wasn’t like Marinette could easily make the first step; even staying up to scrutinise the skyline would have been fruitless: he’d made some convoluted detours on his way home from patrol to avoid a rerun of the fateful night that had brought them into their fake - no, not fake, complicated  relationship.

He’d had enough time to mull it all over, and it was clearly time to do something about the situation.

This tiptoeing around the issue ended tonight.

---

The bells jingled quietly as he pushed the bakery door. The warm backlighting and the sweet smell of rising dough welcomed him and made him relax a little, as did the sight of Marinette tiredly stretching behind the counter. He smiled softly. There really was something about this place that made him feel at ease, safe, even.

Marinette straightened up at the sight of Chat Noir awkwardly shuffling near the entrance of the shop, leaning forwards to take a look at one of the displays, and bit back a smug smile at the thought that her plan to lure him in had worked perfectly. His stomach grumbled and she stifled a giggle. The sound was enough to draw his attention; their gazes met, and both felt their cheeks pinken.

“Hey, Chat,” Marinette said almost breathlessly after what seemed like a thousand years of just staring into each other's eyes. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Even though her tone had been void of any accusation, he scratched the back of his head sheepishly, making her melt slightly. “I’ve been pretty busy lately.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but he still felt bad about leaving her hanging for so long.

“It’s alright, being a superhero is a full time job, after all." She cleared her throat. "How can I help you today?” She winced imperceptibly at her cowardice. They were the only ones in the bakery, it was stupid to ignore the elephant in the room. Still, she grabbed a paper bag and a pair of tongs, and looked at him expectantly.

“Oh, erm, I need pastries. I’m on snack duty for patrol.” He chuckled nervously.

“Ah, well, I can't let our beloved heroes starve, can I? I wouldn’t want the responsibility of another Feast on my hands.” She winked.

"Don't remind me.” Chat shuddered at the memory of the sentimonster’s gooey tongue.

“Is there anything I can get you in particular?” She stifled a giggle at the same image.

“Well, you know me, I can’t leave those chouquettes on your hands, it would be a waste.” He eyed the relevant basket hungrily.

“Are you sure you want all of them? This is... 500g, the equivalent of six portions.”

“And?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“Right, nevermind.” She shook her head, an amused smile spreading to her lips. “Anything else?”

“Hmm, could I have a collection of macarons for Ladybug? Anything but passion fruit, she always gives those to me so I’m not sure she likes them, and since I already have the chouquettes... I think I'm covered.”

Marinette rolled her eyes as she picked the sweet delicacies for herself. Leave it to Chat to believe that her leaving his favourite macarons aside was because she didn’t like them.

“Will that be all?” She cocked her head to the side when she was done packing the box.

“To ring up, yes.” He paused. “But I was actually wondering if you purr-haps had time for a quick chat?”

“With you? Always,” Marinette flashed him a relieved smile as she handed him the pastries and signalled for him to follow her towards the back. She saw he was about to protest, so she added: “If you’re thinking about paying for this, I’m pretty sure my parents would cut me off if they found out I’d sold anything to you or Ladybug, so I'm not risking it. And don’t worry, it’s been a slow night so I don’t have to stay at the counter - we’ll hear if anyone comes in. You said that this was going to be quick, right?”

“I did.” Chat scratched the back of his head nervously as they sat down on the bottom steps of the building’s staircase.

There was a pause as the both of them tried to organise their thoughts and put them into words that would lead to a definite, yet delicate rejection. Marinette smoothed the fabric of her apron as she did, while Chat fiddled with the pastry bag.

“So, the other night, huh?” He awkwardly cleared his throat, wincing at his sudden lack of eloquence. He decided to go for the half-lie route rather than delve straight into their kiss. If he was already this tongue-tied while keeping his thoughts about it at bay, who knew what mentioning it would do. “I couldn’t find you at the hotel after the fight… Were you hit by the akuma?”

Marinette’s head shot up and she squinted at him, calculating her next move. Chat’s hypothesis provided good foundations to build on. Maybe he’d even get to the conclusion she wanted him to reach on his own.

“You can tell me, I promise I won’t be mad.” He smiled softly.

“Fine,” she sighed dramatically. “I overheard Hostzilla say she was looking for me just after you left, and I thought I could placate her a little so I went out in the open. She didn’t even see me, I got knocked out by a fancy table almost just as I came out of the hotel.” She rolled her eyes, hoping her lie was believable enough.

“Meowch.” Chat winced, before gently cupping her chin and tilting it to either side, trying to assess any remaining damage.

“I’m fine though, don’t worry! Ladybug’s cure got me right back on my feet.” She nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then reluctantly pushed Chat’s hand away.

“I knew it wasn’t like you not to show up at some point during the fight.” He smiled triumphantly to himself at the thought that his vigilance during the battle hadn’t been completely uncalled for. He frowned and cleared his throat before continuing. “But it’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about. I’m not entirely sure why you were targeted this time, but I’m just afraid that if we…” He trailed off, suddenly unsure of what to say next. They’d never actually elucidated their relationship status; if they went forward, would they be continuing to date, or just starting? Would Marinette be offended if he used the latter?

“If we… continue on our set course?” Marinette offered.

“Yes, exactly, thank you.” He flashed her a quick smile. “I’m afraid that if we continue on our set course, there might be more opportunities for you to get caught up in fights, especially if word about our relationship gets out. I don’t want to put you in harm’s way, Marinette, I couldn’t bear you getting hurt because of me.”

Marinette was struck by the apparent anguish in her partner’s eyes as he looked at her. She instinctively reached for his hand.

“And I don’t want you to have to worry about me. I… I got my hands on footage of that battle, and I saw how distracted you were. You already have so much on your mind… I wouldn’t want to be a burden and put your safety in peril.”

“You could never be a burden, princess.” He absentmindedly ran his thumb across the back of her hand, but smiled sadly. “But I suppose you’ve reached the same conclusion I did.”

“Taking this relationship further would be a mistake.” She nodded gently.

“I’m sorry, Marinette.”

“Whatever for?” She took a deep breath and smiled bravely. “It’s not your fault. Just… Bad timing, I guess. If a hero-civilian relationship was ever supposed to work.”

“You're probably right.”

Marinette sighed and looked at her watch. “Anyway, you should probably go, Ladybug will wonder what happened to you.”

They both stood up, and walked slowly towards the bakery door. Marinette opened the door for him, but he paused and turned around before he’d crossed the threshold.

“For the record, I really enjoyed being your boyfriend while it lasted.” He felt his heart rate pick up as the words tumbled out of his mouth.

“It was really nice.” She smiled gently. Then, feeling a burst of braveness, she took a couple of steps forwards to stand face to face with him.

She stood on her tiptoes before she could process exactly what she was doing and lose her nerve, tenderly kissed his cheek, and took a step back with a soft, if slightly sad, smile. Chat gasped slightly, his hand flying to his cheek. The point of impact of his… friend ’s lips felt like the epicentre of a wave of warmth, just like it had the last time she’d pulled something of the sort.

“Maybe we can make it work one day.” She looked down and blushed, rocking on the ball of her feet.

“Maybe one day,” he echoed.

He gave her one last, longing look before taking off into the night, afraid he might throw all caution to the wind if he stayed any longer.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

: Wednesday 13 May 1835

8

11 ½

no kiss  A-‘s cousin came on Monday afternoon rainy morning F52 ½° at 9 am breakfast at 9 10 in ½ hour - Mr Harper from 10 to 2 ½ - expected Mr Freeman at 11 but he did not come - shewed Mr Harper the outbuildings - arranged about the plan of Northgate - he had brought ½ dozen designs of Lodges nicely done - one after the manner of the gate at Kirkham pleased me best - left Mr. H- a little while between 1 and 2 while he dined - he is to write to Mr. Freeman to  consult him about the stone work, and let me know by letter when he (H-) will be here again - hopes to be ready for laying the 1st stone by the 1st of next month - asked him (explaining fully what sort of persons wanted) to look out for a man for me and Sunday school mistress for A- - he seems likely enough to help us - a quick, apparently clever well mannered young man - I hope we shall al go on very well - he is a good sound blue (conservative) he and his brother, an attorney in York, will both have votes by and by for the city of York and all the 3 Ridings - about an hour with A- till 4 trying to help her to make out papers of 1630 or 40 or thereabouts - then with my father and Marian - Off at 4 40 to yew trees to see the great gin horse I bought of Briggs - much improved since Mark had him - washed him twice at 1st with ½ lb. soft soap each time and hot water to get the lice off - the horse almost starved (ill fed) to death to go to Huddersfield fair tomorrow  and be exchanged or sold, or done the best with possible - said I should be glad to take £8 or £10 for him or give about as much with him in exchange for a good stiff thing not exceeding 15 hands that would to for George to ride, or go in the gin - rained a little in going and much all the way back came in at 6 ½ - found Mr Freeman and his son who had been here about an hour and were impatient to be gone - they had wine and staid till 7 ½ - F- cannot execute the stone work - if he did, his men would not work for him! he and 2 sons cannot manage 250 men now as well he could 500 on beginning business - pays about £500 a month in wages  - the men ought to earn £800 Lord Morpeth and such men have spoilt everything - the men are the masters and the masters then men - he durst not tell them his mind now - has been busy canvassing all the last week - could hardly keep his votes together - we must all stick together or those that have anything will lose it - thinks Mr. H- a nice young man - talked about the quarry in Upper Place Land - it would not answer for me to have what I want from there - should have all the stone of one quality and colour - could not get it all there - and it would not pay to cut all into wall stones - parpoints undressed selling at Southowram at 4/6 a rood - delivered at N- (by F-) at 19/.  a

SH:7/ML/E/18/0034

rood insides and outs (i.e. 1 rood walling complete) - consulted him about letting the quarry in Upper place Land - ready to advertise anytime -  the lowest lift running itself out - but the upper lifts good stone - a great deal of stone had come out of the hole - much he found on turning to the books than he ever thought of - would give 5/. a yard for the stone - I made no observation on this - he said 6/. a yard the last time we talked of price - he advised the handbills to state that the stone should be got in a workmanlike manner - the soil to be reserved and kept separate to itself and the land to be formed again to the proprietors’ satisfaction - the stone to be measured at every hole one foot from the top of the low bed - the rent to be paid for such measurements (of stone got) every six months - to employ not less than 3 getters - to give the tenants the carting - I asked if there was not good stone under Joseph Hall’s land - yes! stone that would pay for a new house building -what wroth per yard? 4/. I merely observed that good as the stone was, it was still not worth so much as the stone in upper Place land tho’ the low lift is wearing itself out - so say there will be (in upper Place land) 2000 yards - 1500, 1200 - 500 - F- thinks there will be from 1200 to 1500 yards - changed my things (wet) - dinner at 7 ¾ - coffee and sat talking - when Clark arrived this afternoon about 6 or after - sent for him - spoke to him - well enough pleased with his appearance - told him I should leave him to A- and then went to my aunt for 40 minutes till 10 ¼ - fine day till about 5pm and afterwards rainy evening - asked Mr Harper this morning if he knew Gilpin - no! Mr Gray who did the Swiss scenery at the colosseum in London and who is much employed at Clumber Park (duke of Newcastle) is very clever - will be in York in a week or 10 days - lives in Hampstead Road, London - said if he would take here in his way to London for 5 guineas and give me his opinion of the approach road etc I should be if Mr Harper would tell him to come - Mr H- thought G- would be glad to come for a day for 5 guineas - so he is to be told to come

[rlb-queer-danganronpa-au]

NDRV3 - Kaede Akamatsu

Disclaimer: These are my own personal headcanons and are just for fun! If something I post seems offensive or anything like that, please let me know so I can fix it.

DANGANRONPA SPOILERS

ID Information

○ She/they

○ Genderqueer

○ Bisexual (female lean)

○ Sophomore/Second Year (started HPA at 14, is currently 15)

○ Class 77-A

○ SHSL Pianist

○ Born March 26 (Aries)

○ 5 ft 6 in (160 cm)

○ 121 lbs (55 kg)

○ O Blood

Story Changes:

○ The first major story change is going to be that Kaede isn't the character you start playing as. The player is going to play as Shuichi in the beginning, they're going to murder the first person and be executed, then the player will go through the rest of the game as Kaede. I mean, how despairing would it be if the Ultimate Detective was the first one to be caught murdering people?

○ Again, her personality will remain relatively the same, I love how she's bi as hell in the actual game. Her aesthetic will also be very different. Strictly from the sweater, I decided that I wanted to give them a 1960s aesthetic (both American and Japanese 60s for inspiration).

○ I actually want the V3 cast to have short appearances or interactions during the Danganronpa anime, since I made them be in the same year group as the SDR2 cast. For instance, Kaede could have an interaction with Ibuki and Sayaka (like during Ultimate Talent Development Plan).

○ This version of V3 won't take place in the far-future version of Hope's Peak (after the events of Hope Arc), it'll take place much sooner. Chihiro’s dad (Taichi Fujisaki) is brought back from Towa City by Hagakure, Komaru, and Toko, and rebuilds the Neo World Program (just Chiaki, Usami, and Alter Ego). That’s how they pinpoint the signal to Ultimate Academy for Gifted Juveniles.

Character Relationships:

○ Shuichi Saihara is the first person Kaede encounters after entering the sibling Neo World Program, so it makes sense that she would grow to become close friends with them. She's usually very outgoing, but throughout the first Chapter she tended to stick closely to Shuichi. Shuichi encouraged Kaede to always strive for the truth, while Kaede encourged Shuichi to have faith in their abilities as a detective. Both of them were terrified of losing each other once Monokuma announced the time limit, and after they learned of their missing memories. Once Shuichi is revealed to be Chapter One's Stained, Kaede only feels immense sorrow. She understands why they did what they did, although that doesn't fully justify the act of killing another, and doesn't want them to leave her again.

○ Kaede immediately took a liking to Maki Harukawa as soon as she sees her. Maki also made it apparent that she was a pessimist (although she claims she's just a realist), while Kaede is an optimist. Apparently Kaede's type is either just like her, or dark and brooding. Kaede thought Maki was very mysterious upon first meeting her, and wanted to try and get her to talk more. They wanted to know all about her talent and past, but it took a while for Maki to reciprocate those feelings. Maki went under the false title of SHSL Child Caregiver until the end of Chapter 2, where she is exposed by Kokichi. It was after that moment that Maki realized how dangerous it was to have enemies in a place like this. She started confiding in Kaede simply to have an ally, but realized how freeing it was to have friends like them and Kaito. She started revealing more about herself, and her connection to Kokichi. In turn, Kaede revealed her feelings towards Shuichi, and Kaito talked about his past. During Chapter 5, Kaede is the most understanding towards Maki. They break back into the hangar and stop Kaito and Kokichi from going through with their murder attempt. This is only time Maki hesitated before firing, but then she remembered the love that Kaede taught her, and the love she held for Kaito, and even Kokichi. After surviving the game, Kaede helped Maki want to make up with Kokichi. Kaede, Maki, and Kaito also end up forming a polycule.

○ Kaito Momota is very similar to Kaede personality-wise, so they hit it off after their first full conversation. Kaito also seemed to get along with Shuichi very well, which makes Kaede like him even more. He is very confident, with a bit of an ego, and likes to look for the bright side of situations. Kaito has a hard time coming up with ideas himself, but despite that he's always willing to help carry through with a plan. During introductions, Kaede thought Kaito was just a loud egomaniac. However, after getting to know him, she learned that he was considerate and helpful as well. They loved finding ways to combine their interests and teach each other things about their SHSL Talents. Kaede even found herself imitating Kaito's train of thought whenever she needed some encouragement, and Kaito found himself doing the same. Kaede learns how to be a leader from Kaito being their friend (although Kaito says Kaede is his sidekick). Kaito learns how to put action behind his words when it comes to other people. After Shuichi's execution, Kaito encouraged Kaede to come out and train with him in order to keep their spirits up and bodies in shape. Maki joined them too after a little while, and that's how they all started opening up to each other. The

[cynicalrecoverysociety]

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#healthy - 373 posts

#summerstrong - 22 posts

#magic - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 120 characters

#my mom has spent her whole life buying various aquatic screensavers and lamenting that none were as good as this bad boy

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Today was the day!

Today I hit the 240s. Officially closer to 200 than 300! I am now at my weight through most of high school.

15 notes • Posted 2021-05-23 11:22:56 GMT

#4

A Very Scale Victory: 40 lbs down

Just realized when I updated my weight in my bio. I'm officially 40 lbs down! I won't lie, when I talk about my weight loss I always say I was "basically 300 lbs" and that makes it easy to do some quick math but my real highest was only 291. My current weight is 251 (essentially, not calling myself 250 until I'm actually at or below) save that means 40 lbs down. It's taken me over 2 years. I lost 15 lbs just from stopping soda. That alone got my insulin resistance under control. This year I've focused on my mental health, the real why behind my actions, and it has changed my life.

Don't get me wrong. I am trying to show up for my body. I am eating balanced, watching my carbs for my insulin, and trying to keep a bit active. Those have of course been the "real" reason I'm losing weight. But the reason it is a lifestyle change and not a diet is because I've gotten my head right. I'm not going to wax poetically about mental health but long story short I've found my peace. The ease of these changes has been astounding and the consistent results inspiring. As much as I want to lose the weight, more than anything I just want to be healthy. I can't wait to see where I go next.

21 notes • Posted 2021-05-21 12:21:42 GMT

#3

Started my day off with a surprise run! I was planning on just going on a walk today but I got the itch a few minutes in. I may have forgotten my sports bra but I had plenty of fighting spirit.

I decide to try for 5 minute intervals but ended up able to go 20 minutes without stopping. I was shocked, but I think the mild morning temps made it possible. I also did zombie chases for the first time ever on Zombies, Run! and they completely kicked my ass. After the second sprint I started my walk home. I was so out of breath and had my hand on my heart and a dude driving by slowed down to ask if I needed an ambulance. Have you ever run so hard onlookers thought you were having a heart attack? Is there a gold medal for 'tried so hard it alarmed the public'? Can't tell if this is a hilarious anecdote or if it's a sign that I need more cardio or I will die?

Anyway I'm home now, a run in the bag, and with the help of my inhaler I'm in no immediate physical distress. Hope your workouts were slightly less concerning to passersby!

22 notes • Posted 2021-06-23 15:54:26 GMT

#2

What to expect from this blog

Mental/Physical health motivation

The Fuck word

Rambling personal posts

What not to expect

My face

Food porn

Sexy fitness ladies

This is a safe space. ACAB, Black Lives Matter, Healthcare and Trans Rights are Human Rights, 🏳️‍🌈, Eat the Rich, anything else I can shove here to scare off the human garbage. Add me on Fitbit: CynicalFFS

26 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 12:37:21 GMT

#1

Officially 50 lbs down as of today!

Today I weighed in at 241. My highest weight was 291, and it was a massive wake up call that I was nearly 300 lbs at 24. Today I'm 27 and even though it took me a really long time I'm making sustainable life changes that result in progress like this. I'm very proud of myself!

38 notes • Posted 2021-06-28 16:02:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

Oof. I've regained up to 252 but I'm working on it. I'm forever a work in progress.

[rogerslovesstark]

Don’t Love You Anymore

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Warning: Angst, Fluff

Words: 3k

“What are you trying to say, Steve?”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t love you anymore,”

Your mind was reeling, was this really happening? Was he really leaving you when you needed him most? You had found out you were pregnant only a couple of hours ago. You wanted to surprise Steve with a little joke you had found online. It wouldn’t even matter now, he doesn’t love you anymore.

Your hands were shaking while tears built up in your eyes, the sobs in your throat ready to flow out. You wanted to know what had happened? What changed from last week as he had told you that he would never leave you, and it would always be you two.

“What changed?” You whispered, if you tried to speak any louder, you would be crying loudly.

Steve sucked in a harsh breath, “I don’t know Y/n, I just don’t anymore,”

You nodded your head, and went into your bedroom and packed your bag. While throwing in clothes into your bag, you started to cry quietly. It hurt to leave, you had just passed your third anniversary. You had moved in with Steve a year ago, on your second anniversary. Guess it didn’t matter anymore, he didn’t love you anymore.

You swiftly got your bag ready, you walked out of your bedroom, over to the door, leaving your keys on the catch-all tray. You couldn’t bear to stay in the apartment any longer. Steve’s head shot up when he heard your keys hit the tray.

“Where are you going?” He asked without thinking, it was a habit for him to ask where you were going, constantly worrying for you and where you were going. You didn’t look over at him, he didn’t need to know anymore. You shrugged and left without a single word.

Steve sat back on the couch, head in his hands, feeling hollow and a shell of a person. The apartment had already felt colder without you in it, you were normally humming a tune softly, but it was silent, only the hum of electricity to be heard.

8 months later

Steve had landed from a mission, it was only supposed to a few week recon mission, turned into a full-blown undercover stakeout. He went back to his apartment, opening the door to a cold apartment. A shiver ran up his spine, subconsciously looking at the gleam of your keys on the tray. Steve felt his chest caved in at the reminder of what had happened before he left.

Where were you know? What were you doing? Were you doing alright? Steve went over to his desktop, searching your name up in the search engine.

There were no results about you, not even a social media link. You had loved social media, were always on it. The cute pictures of you were constantly posted between the two of you. He pulled out his phone to open his Instagram, looking up your name, to not find anything.

Did you delete your Instagram? He had looked through his own feed, the last picture of you sitting at a fancy restaurant table, smiling brightly at his phone. You looked so lovely that night, a pretty white dress and you looked like an angel. Steve was sure that he swooned every time you had smiled at him.

Steve put everything down and walked towards the bathroom which was connected to the bedroom. It hit Steve like a truck when he walked in and didn’t see your socks on the floor. You always left your socks on the floor because your feet were always cold and you wouldn’t take your socks off until you were about to go to sleep.

Tears filled his eyes as he looked around the bedroom and he couldn’t even smell your scent on the sheets anymore. A choked sob left his throat, you were really gone. You had left and didn’t come back. What else was he to expect, he told you to leave, he told you that he didn’t love you anymore.

Steve did love you, he truly did, breaking your heart like that was one of his biggest regrets, the basis of the mission was for a man who had threatened you and Steve, and he wanted to investigate. It would do more harm if you were together than if you were separated, so Steve broke up with you, what a mistake that was.

Steve walked to the bathroom, tears streaming down his face, and noticed the garbage was overflowing. He forgot to take out the trash before he left. Trying to get all the trash out, he noticed a pregnancy test, his heart dropped to his ass. No, you couldn’t have been pregnant. You would have told him.

It was positive. You were pregnant when he told you he didn’t love you. Steve needed to find you, where were you? Steve forgot about the shower, he grabbed his keys and got onto his bike, rushing to the tower to get FRIDAY to locate you and make sure you were okay.

++++

Steve stared at the computer screen in the lab. There was no trace of you at all, it was like you never existed. FRIDAY had said that there was no record of a Y/n L/n in their database, which was ridiculous because Steve had granted you security access to the building. Steve felt a cold sweat break out across the back of his neck. Tears pooled into his eyes, you couldn’t have disappeared like this without help.

Steve ran to Tony’s lab, hoping he would have an idea of where you were. Without even knocking, he barged into Tony’s lab, seeing his friend on the phone with someone.

++++

“Tony, the baby and I are fine, thank you for calling again for the third time today, but I promise if I need anything, I’ll call you,” You told Tony through the phone.

“Actually got to go, we’ll talk later,” Tony snappishly said before he disconnected the call, you rolled your eyes at his tone, smiling knowing he was annoyed that you denied his help yet again.

After you left Steve, you called Tony sobbing and he took you in. Tony was your closest friend besides Steve. He had picked you up and brought you to a small home close to Lake Erie. It wasn’t much, just a two-bedroom home 15 minutes from the lake.

You had given birth to Tobias Joseph Rogers last month, and it was like he was a photocopy of Steve. He had come out screaming and wailing at 7 lbs, 13oz and 21 inches, on July 4, 20XX. Just like his father. You cried for the majority of your pregnancy and the only reason you took care of yourself was for the safety of the baby.

Postpartum depression was also a concern for you because you were depressed during your pregnancy and you feared that you would still be depressed while raising your sweet little boy. He never cried, only fussed when he was hungry or soiled his diaper. Toby was sleeping right now, and he wouldn’t wake up for another 40 minutes so you began to clean up around the small house.

++++

“Who you on the phone with?” Steve asked, hoping he would say you. Tony looked at him shocked.

“When did you get back Cap?” Tony asked monotonously, secretly fuming inside, Steve had broken your heart and left you for dead, and here he was without a scratch on him.

“Couple of hours ago, was that Y/n? Do you know where she is?” Steve asked, a hopeful look in his eyes, Tony wanted to crush that hope out, Steve didn’t deserve you, you were too perfect for him.

“No, a business partner,” Tony knew you didn’t want to see the Captain, you specifically asked for all information about you to be erased from the system and the internet. You knew that Steve didn’t want to be in your lives anymore so it would be better to just disappear.

All hope Steve had was completely put out, you had disappeared. His heart was breaking so quickly, he was surprised that he didn’t collapse to the floor due to all the heartbreak. Tears began streaming down his face, his breath shaking at the thought of losing you, and your child.

Tony watched Steve shake and cry in the middle of his lab, awkwardly he went over and put his hand on the super-soldiers shoulder. He sympathizes with Steve, he really did, he knew what it was like to lose the woman you love.

“Please Tony, do you know where she is, I miss her so much, I had to go on a mission, they threatened her. They wanted to kill her because of me, please you gotta believe me!” Steve sobbed, wanting nothing more than to just hold you and beg for your forgiveness.

“Who threatened her?”Tony asked, his hands clenching at the thought of someone hurting you and that cute baby of yours. That little boy had stolen Tony's heart the moment he was born.

“Hydra, where the hell do you think I’ve been these past 8 months?” Steve shouted.

“Why the fucked didn’t you anything before you dumb fuck, that poor woman spent so long crying over you, thinking that you didn’t love her anymore.” Tony shoved Steve, and Steve took a step back, knowing Tony was protective of you.

“They would have killed her if anyone knew, it was for the best if we weren’t together while I looked for the person who threatened her,” Steve said exasperated, tired from fighting and not having you home to comfort him.

“Follow me, you stupid shit”

++++

You heard the jet before you saw anything, the noise had startled and he woke up whining, annoyed to be woken up from his afternoon nap. You quickly scooped the baby into your arms hoping to settle him and get him back to sleep, because if he didn’t finish his nap, he would be cranky until bedtime.

After numerous attempts of trying to put him down, he wouldn’t stop whining, only when you took him into your arms and held him.

“You such a mamas boy Toby,” You said softly to the infant, his eyes open and staring at you in wonder. You heard knocking on your door, you just knew it was Tony, he had called earlier and he always came by when he called.

“Let’s go see Uncle Tony baby,”

As you walked down the stairs, you heard two voices arguing softly behind the door, this worried you because you knew Tony always came alone, it might be the neighbors, they would stop by once in a while to check on you and see if you needed any help.

When you open the door, you felt your heart stop momentarily. There he was, in all his American glory, Captain America, Steve Rogers at your door, Tony standing next to him, a sheepish smile on his face. You glared at Tony, how could he do this to you.

Steve stared at the small bundle in your arms, that was your baby, the baby that you had grown without Steve there to help you. Steve looked up at you, you looked as beautiful as ever, skin glowing and your hair looked better than ever. It was like Steve was in a trance while staring at you.

Tony was the first one to break the awkward silence, “Sweetheart, you got to let him explain,”

“Like hell, I will, what the hell do you two want?” You said hostilely, holding Toby tighter to your body.

“Doll, let me explain, please,” Steve begged, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around you and hug and kiss you till dawn. To hold his baby and kiss, hold, cuddle him.

You looked reluctantly at Tony and then at Steve, you handed the baby over to Tony where he quickly gathered him and bolted to the nursery room.

“Come in,” You quietly said, leading Steve to your cozy living room. It was minimally decorated, not much inside besides a sectional and a coffee table, a small flat screen tv mounted on the wall. It wasn’t much but it was enough for you and the baby, to keep you from your thoughts when the baby was down and you didn’t want to go to sleep yet.

Steve walked in the house, it had the same aura as the apartment when you both lived there. It was small and it felt like home. Steve started tearing up, he felt out of place, exiled from your heart. But he was the one who told you that he wasn’t in yours anymore. Watching you walk through the corridor, made him feel so left out.

You both sat on the couch, you never made eye contact with Steve, you feared if you did you would end up forgiving him.

“Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea, water?” You ask softly, nervous to even be talking, what if he came to take away Toby? Your hands cliché at that idea, nobody was taking your baby away from you.

Steve noticed your hands and just stared at you, “Doll, let's just talk, please,” He said desperately, he picked up on the fact that you flinched when he had called you doll, his heart cracking. All Steve wanted to do was to reach out and hold you, just have you in his lap and breathe in your scent.

“Okay, what happened? I thought you didn’t love me anymore?” You whispered, bring up those words practically tore your heart.

“Y/n, I lied okay? I loved you and I still do. So much. Hydra threatened to kill you, the both of us, that's why I told you that, I thought it would be safer for the both of us if we weren’t together, they most likely had our apartment bugged, so I had to make it believable, please you have to believe me.” Steve pleaded.

You looked at the blond in shock, they had bugged the apartment, how, when? Did they know where she was right now? You stiffened up, worried that they knew where you were and they would come hurt Toby.

“Do they know where we are?” You whispered

“No, I took them all out.”

“By yourself?”

“I did what I had to do to protect the ones I love,” Steve said while taking your hand in his.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Doll they bugged the apartment if I told you they would have for sure killed us, I needed to make sure that we would both be safe and then take them down,” Steve explained, you seemed to be understanding the idea now. “When did you have him?” Steve asked you, dying to meet the baby.

“Last month, he was born on July 4th, like his father,” You told him, watching as his eyes filled with tears and his heart broke even more.

“are you alright?” Steve asked you, concerned that the pregnancy had caused any damage to your body. You had to go through that all alone, the hormones, the cravings, he missed watching you grow with his child.

“I’m fine, it was quick labor and delivery, only took 2 hours, eager like his father,” You said while smiling, thinking about your cute baby boy. “so what happens now?” You asked.

“Can I meet our baby?” Steve asked quietly, desperate to hold his son. You nod your head and lead him up the stairs, to the nursery where Tony and the baby were. Opening the door to see Tony laying on the floor with the baby on his chest. Toby was gurgling and making a face that you recognized, you quickly grabbed the baby and a towel, throwing it over your shoulder and burping him.

“Did he throw up on me?” Tony asked Steve, Steve couldn’t even pay attention to anything that Tony had said, too entranced by his son trying to burp. Hearing the small noise of him passing gas, Steve smiled and walked over to you two. Tony quickly stood up and left the room silently, not wanting to have to face the upcoming drama.

You feel Steve standing behind you, you turn towards him, his eyes silently asking you to hold the baby. You help Steve maneuver the baby into his arms. Steve starts to break down at the feeling of his son in his arms.

“What's his name?” Steve asked you.

“Tobias Joseph Rogers, Toby for short”

“You named him after my dad?” Steve asked, teary-eyed. You nodded, Steve was touched you named the baby with intention, even if you didn’t know if Steve was coming back.

“Doll, I know that I hurt you, but please, let me back in, I swear on my life that I’ll protect you two,” Steve begged you, wanting nothing more than to hold you and the baby and to call you a family.

“I don’t know Steve, you broke my heart, I can’t do it again,” You whispered, wrapping your arms around yourself as if to protect yourself from him. You wanted to try again, but you were scared, what if he left again?

“You won't have to, I will never leave you, please just let me try,” He begged you, hoping that you missed him as he misses you.

“Okay, one more chance, but your doing diapers for the next 6 months,” You said sternly.

Steve felt his heart swell, he grabbed the back of your head and pulled you towards him with a searing kiss, he had missed your kisses and your touch.

“I promise, I will never leave you again, baby, never again,” Steve whispered against your lips.

You pecked his lips and took the baby from his arms, putting him down in his crib, seeing he was already falling asleep in his father's arms. Once the baby was down, Steve grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder, pacing to the bedroom.

“Steve!” You squealed, he slapped your ass and growled out, “Let’s work on getting another baby inside you,”

++++

Tony heard the bed frame smacking the wall and rolled his eyes and let out a quiet “Nasty fucking idiots”

[shelbywanders]

Chapter 23: Infertile

So...let’s start from the beginning yeah?

February 2018, we found out the best news, we were expecting! With my past history, we thought for sure we would be trying for a while. So the fact that I was staring at a positive pregnancy test after just a mere two months trying to get pregnant was unreal. But 9 extremely long, tiring and definitely taken for granted months, out popped the greatest gift I’ve ever been given; my Adeline Mae! 

She was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, I know that sounds so cliche. She came out looking like her daddy’s clone (go figure) except for that sweet little button nose & I just couldn’t believe that we had made something so damn perfect. 

I won’t get into the details of being a new mum and all that jazz in this post, but of course, there’s a lot that goes on in the first year. But one thing that started to get on me and my husband’s minds pretty quickly was growing our family. When Addy was around 6 months, we decided it was time to start trying again. We always talked about having our kiddos close in age and at the time, we wanted lots of them. I had a hard pregnancy with Addy, but that didn’t change my feelings about wanting that big family I always dreamed of having with the person I loved. I have three younger brothers who are 10, 8, & 7. I’ve grown to love how close they are in age and wanted that for my kids too. Me and my older sister are 4 years apart and while we’re super close now, there came a time where we weren't. We’ve always envisioned ourselves with kids just a couple years apart, and get all of our baby making years out of the way so that we can then stop, relax and watch all our kids grow up together. Of course, plans don’t always exactly go as planned. 

I exclusively breastfed Adeline until she was 20 months. When we started trying, my periods had returned but weren’t regular at all anymore. So I started my TTC journey a bit different than I did back in 2018. OPK’s became my best friend and little did I know how many I would go through the next almost two years and counting. But they did help me learn more about my cycle and I grew accustomed over constantly peeing on things every day. 

We were super excited in the beginning, it always is. It’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s exhilarating. The two week wait is exciting as you anxiously wait to pee on some more sticks. The first few times of getting your period, of course it’s a let down, but you keep on keeping on because surely...it will happen soon! Until it doesn’t...

Around Addy’s first birthday which was around 6/7 months of trying I started to get that aching feeling that was new to me. Why isn’t it happening? Shouldn't I be pregnant by now? What are we doing wrong? In our grand plan of our life, I was wanting to be pregnant by Addy’s first birthday and that came and went. Sex wasn’t much fun anymore, I was tired of having to buy more ovulation tests and tired of squinting at clearly negative but also wait, is that a line? tests over and over again. But of course...we just kept trying, praying that next month will be our month. 

December came, month 7/8. I was so busy creating orders for my small shop and we weren’t hardcore tracking. We did the the deed once, the day before my birthday. Two weeks later, I realized I was late. Two days late actually. What?! This hasn’t happened before...grabbed the nearest test to me and finally. Finally. Two pink little lines. A faint line, but a line nonetheless! We were pregnant!!! I remember running to the store to get more tests because I have to see the progression, ya know, peace of mind. I stopped in the kids clothing section and spotted a cute “Big Sister” shirt and grabbed it. I wanted Addy to wear it out and see how long it took my hubby to notice what her shirt said. Unfortunately, she never got to wear that shirt and it’s stashed in the bottom of her dresser three sizes too small now. 

To keep it short and sweet, we lost our squishy baby that should’ve stuck around for 9 months and created a family of four just a couple of weeks after finding out. Instead, it started a whirlwind of emotions that I didn’t even know I could feel and a fight that we’re still battling to as I type this all out. Maybe one day I’ll make another blog about the miscarriage and all the feelings that came with it, just not in this post. 

At this point, here we are entering 2020 grieving the loss of what would’ve been. We picked ourselves up as much as we could and kept on going. Trying. Praying. Crying. Trying. Praying. Crying. We hit a year TTC in May 2020 and I felt a new level of hopelessness. Chapter 23: Infertile?... But how? I’ve gotten pregnant easily in the past, I’ve carried a baby, my body has done this before...what is wrong? 13 months TTC and we had the talk. The talk about trying to find answers and get some help. I set up a costly consultation with a fertility clinic in June. Our insurance doesn’t cover anything so of course, it was a big decision we had to make. While waiting for my cycle to start so that we could start fertility treatments, I had my first chemical pregnancy. So that was another heartache...moving on. 

August 2020, I have my first medicated cycle with my RE. I was on Clomid 50mg, triggered with Ovidrel and progesterone supplements after ovulation. The first cycle was perfect. Absolutely beautiful. I was ecstatic! My body responded so well to the meds and I ovulated at the perfect time and everything seemed great. Didn’t get pregnant, which sucked. $1200 in the hole, but hey! The meds worked. Let’s try again. Second cycle, same thing. My body didn’t respond at all. Nothing. Cycle cancelled...$1200 done the drain again. At this point the holidays were quickly approaching and our wallets were struggling so we put a hold on fertility treatments and we haven’t done any since. The month after we stopped, I had another chemical. That felt like a big ol’ screw you. 

Hold tight, you’re almost caught up! We’re nearing the end of 2020, thank GOD. That hellish year needed to leave STAT. January 2021. New starts, new chances. I had an appt with my primary to talk about what I have been suspecting to be the problem of our infertility struggles. And that’s when a diagnosis came around. PCOS. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. it’s one of the most common reproductive conditions in women and one of the leading causes for infertility. It runs in my family, my symptoms matched, I just couldn’t see it being anything else. As for Addy? I truly think we just got lucky. Blessed. I will never question it. I’m beyond grateful because I cannot imagine not having her right now. I started on Metformin a couple of weeks ago, a drug that helps treat PCOS. I also started a diet and have lost about 15 lbs so far! My motivation is because after this we will probably start doing IUI’s and I want to make sure I’m in good health so that are chances are as good as they can be. But of course...we are praying and hoping that it doesn’t come to that and by some miracle, we get pregnant naturally again before we go down that road. 

So there it is! You’re caught up. I didn’t go into many details on individual experiences because I knew this post was already going to be long. I just felt like a little synopsis of our TTC & infertility journey was needed before I continue writing about my experiences! I’ve felt pretty alone, even though I have people around me who care and love for me but they just haven’t gone through this so it’s hard to relate to anyone. I find writing to help. Getting it out there even if no one reads it. I am absolutely determined to make 2021 beautiful and I believe in every inch of me that our rainbow baby is coming to us. This month. Next month. Maybe at the end of the year. But I know it will happen...I can’t lose hope even if I wanted to. I’m hoping by sharing our journey, we can all find hope within each other. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. Our wishes will come true. Our prayers will be answered. As they say...even miracles take a little time. 

xoxo shelby 

[chaosqueery]

Title: The Great Train Escape

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,765

Characters/Ships: Louise Belcher/ Rudolph “Regular Sized Rudy” Steiblitz

Description:  When Louise hears that Rudy's father is still making him spend his Saturdays in the Juice Caboose, she decides to do something about it.

Alternative Links: (AO3)

A/N:  This idea came to me after watching both 'My Girl' and 'Bridge to Terabithia' within a relatively short time of each other. But don't worry. Both make it out alive just fine in this.

Rudy sat on the hard floor of his Saturday morning cell, the juice caboose, lonely and without any proper stimulation. Every week, he tried to put a positive spin on it. At least he got all the juice he could possibly want, right? Plus, it was a nice time to get his weekend homework done, while nearly all the other kids in his class waited until Sunday night and had to rush to finish. So, yeah. He could still manage a smile and maintain his politeness when boarding the train.

At the moment, however, he couldn’t be any more bored.

Rudy emptied the last bit of grape juice from its box and threw it at the wastebasket. When he missed, he let out a small groan, walked the few steps it took to grab the empty box, returned to his spot, and tried again. He repeated it a few more times, never making a basket until he saw something fly past the corner of his eye.

Interest peaked, he turned to investigate and found a paper airplane had landed on the floor. He was almost too excited for the break-in his monotonous trek around the lake, he hurried toward the plane, and unfolded it. A hastily written message was scrawled out on the page reading: ‘Prison break! Go to the window. -LB’

His breathing labored a bit with excitement, so after taking a puff off his inhaler he rushed over to the open window and saw his best friend, Louise, riding her bike alongside the train.

“Louise!” He called out happily. “What are you doing?”

“Ugh! Didn’t you read the note? I am busting you out of there!”

“But I don’t have anything to climb down with.”

“I got you covered, buddy.” She takes one hand off the handlebars of her bike and shrugs off her backpack. “Move your head away from the window!” Louise ordered, preparing to throw the bag.

Rudy did as he was told and a moment later the backpack flew in through the window on her first try. Damn. Her aim was most certainly better than his. He opened the bag and wound up pulling out a long rope ladder.

“You got it?” He heard Louise yell.

“Yeah!”

“Then hook it on the bottom of the window and climb down!”

Rudy was about to follow her instructions when something suddenly occurred to him. “Hold on a minute!” Rudy rushed out of the bathroom and grabbed his own backpack. He then ripped out a clean sheet of paper from one of his notebooks, wrote a quick note, then placed it on the floor where it could easily be found.

Ready to go, Rudy went back over to the window, hooked the metal part of the ladder over the bottom edge, and threw the rest of it over to dangle outside. He then gripped tightly onto the rope and climbed out of the window. He tried to take one step at a time as gracefully as he could, but the swaying of the ladder made it hard. Thankfully he managed to finally make it to the bottom and stepped off.

“So you can climb down a ladder out of a moving train, but can’t climb off a bunk bed without breaking your arm?” Louise asked when she stopped her bike next to him and planted her feet on the ground.

“Yeah, well…” He scratched the back of his head, not really having an explanation for it.

“What took you so long anyway?”

“I had to leave a note for Ethan saying I was okay and that I’d be back.”

“Oh, crap.”Louise face-palmed. “I don’t know how I forgot about him. Will he get you in trouble?”

“No, I don’t think so. He’s been super nice to me ever since the last time you were here. I think he feels a lot of remorse for what he did to Bean Bag.” Rudy frowned at the thought of his poor old friend who was torn apart. “What made you want to come to bust me out anyway?”

Louise shrugged casually. Really, she felt bad when he told her the other day that his father still dragged him on these wine train trips and had to spend a significant amount of his Saturday alone with nothing to do. She wouldn’t care if it were anyone else. But Rudy was always so nice about everything and rarely ever complained. His weekends should be better than this. Louise, however, was not about to reveal the soft spot she had for him. “Today was one of the few Saturdays I have off from working at the restaurant while Tina and Gene don’t. I got bored, thought I’d spring ya. No big deal.”

“Well, thanks for thinking of me! I don’t know how many more times I can go around Lake Waste Water without losing it.” He said gratefully.

Louise got off her bike and grabbed Rudy by the wrist to look at his watch. “Looks like we have about two and a half hours to get you back. What do you want to do?”

“Anything! I’m up for just about anything.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey, Louise! Look what I can do!” Rudy called for his friend’s attention from a low branch of the tree they were climbing. When she directed her attention to the boy about 15 feet closer to the ground than her, she saw him shift his weight and fall backward, dangling from the branch by his legs.

“Neat.” She commented, not really that impressed. Dangling was the easy part. “Just don’t crack your head open.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.” He sounded a little less sure of himself now that he didn’t quite know how to pull himself back up. “But everything looks pretty cool upside-down. You should try it!”

“It’s cooler up here, Rudy. You should focus on getting right-side-up again and get up here.”

“Uh, yeah. Okay.” He swung back and forth, trying to gather enough momentum to pull himself back up. Try as he might, however, he couldn’t manage it. “Uhhhh, Louise?”

She let out a groan. “You’re stuck, aren’t you?”

“Maybe a little bit.”

Louise groaned again, this time longer and more frustrated. Partly because he needed help, but mostly because she found herself willing to give it. “Fine. Just hang tight.”

“I’m hanging on as tightly as I can!”

The strain in his voice urged Louise to move faster as she descended down the tree, fearing he would  fall and seriously injure himself. That’s all that kid needed. Thankfully she had climbed enough trees to be sure-footed going down. When she eventually reached the branch he was hanging on, she extended her hand to grab one of his and hoisted him back up.

“Woah, head rush.” he breathed out as he wiggled on the branch to right himself. “Thanks, pal.”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t get gross on me.” She said, rejecting the idea of a moment too mushy for her liking. It wasn’t much of anything, but she had a badass reputation to protect here! With how sweet she knows Rudy can be, she had to stop it before it started. “Now come on. We gotta get to the top.”

Rudy looked up the trunk of the tree and realized there is quite a far way yet to go. “Uh-well… okay, I guess.” His voice sounded a little unsure.

“Just stick close by. I’ll even slow down for you.” She stuck true to her word, stopping at every branch to wait for him to catch up. She even held in a groan when he needed to take a break for another puff on his inhaler. Slowly and surely, they finally climbed their way to the top.

Rudy pushed back some of the smaller branches in their way. When he caught sight of all that was around them, his mouth dropped open. It wasn’t that marvelous a sight, Louise thought. She could see the expanse of treetops that surrounded them, the lake, The Warf- nothing you couldn’t see from the top of the Ferris Wheel. There weren’t any people on the ground she could get excited to be towering over and mock. Really, all she appreciated was the accomplishment. She knew that Rudy did too, which is what made her so determined to make sure he did it. Her friend deserved more experiences like this. So when she saw the look of joyous wonder on his face, Louise had to turn her head to hide a smile.

They sat there for a while, Rudy excitedly pointing to all the cool things he could see, but eventually, Louise realized it had been a while since they left the train. Quickly, she grabbed Rudy’s wrist again to check the time. “Crap! We need to go now if you are going to make it back in time.”

“Aw, really?”

“Yes, really! You took too long climbing.” She grumbled, already starting to make her way back down.

~*~*~*~*~

“That was fun, but I’m sorry for being such a slowpoke.” Rudy apologized when they made it back to the train tracks.

“Stop being such a push-over, Rudes. It’s not like I was expecting Spiderman anyway.”

He gave a chuckle and shrugged. “I suppose you wouldn’t.”

“It was still a good time,” Louise assured him, nonchalantly. Then she gave him a punch on the arm that was meant to be friendly but wound up being a little too hard. Thankfully, he knew her and where it was coming from. “Maybe next time we can build a fort or something instead.”

“Next time?” The hopefulness to his voice was unmistakable.

“Uh-yeah. Sure. If I am confronted with another boring-ass day, I could make it out again.” Louise took a few extra seconds getting situated on her bike, afraid to see a look of disappointment on his face over her lack of enthusiasm. She couldn’t let herself show that she was honestly excited about the idea of more of these adventures. Not unless she was willing to reveal the fact that she enjoyed her time with more than she did with most people (the only exceptions being her family). When she finally looked at him, however, he looked as pleased as ever.

Her heart melted -just a tiny itsy bit- and she kind of hated him for it. Her hand was twitching to slap him across the face, but she didn’t. Instead, Louise brushed it off as much as she could and turned the conversation toward the train starting to pass.

“Alright, here’s your ride. You think you can grab hold of the ladder?”

Rudy put up his hands and shifted his weight from foot to foot, readying himself. “I got this!” They waited while each compartment passed, and when the Juice Caboose neared, he started to count off. “One, for the money. Two, for the show. Three, to-”’

“RUDY JUST JUMP!” Louise yelled, cutting him off before he missed it.

He did as he was told and leaped with all his might toward the back of the train and landed with an ‘oomf!’ on the small platform. After a short breath of relief, he moved to grab the ladder and climbed it as awkwardly as he had climbed down. But he was alive-at least he was alive. ‘I’d like to see Spiderman do that’

“Yes! You did it!” He heard Louise cheer.

Once he was able to crawl back into the train, he grabbed her backpack and returned to the window so he could roll up the ladder and stuff it back into her bag. He then tossed it out to her, and she brought her bike to a halt to pick it up.

“Thanks for breaking me out! See you at school!” He called out with a wave.

“Yeah, see ya, buddy!” She waved back as watched him ride off ahead of her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N:  I am CONSIDERING making this into a series. But, as always, I can't promise anything.

Anyway, any like, reblogs, or comments are greatly appreciated!!!