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nevermindthewind · 7 years

Note

Prompt: waurel spending some quality time with josie before the new baby’s born

“Mama it’s time,” Josie called from the backseat.

Laurel looked into the rearview mirror to see her daughter looking right back at her with an infectious smile, her eyes barely visible between the purple hat and matching scarf she had chosen for the occasion. She was clutching her favorite hot chocolate from Scotty’s, the red cup clashing against rainbow-striped gloves. Excitement radiated off her bundled up little body, just liked it did every year.

“Time for what?” Laurel asked, returning her smile as she sipped on peppermint tea. She already knew the answer, but she still liked to ask.

“For you to tell the story!” said Josie, kicking her feet in anticipation.

“Yeah, Mama, tell the story,” Wes echoed from the driver’s seat beside her.

Upon the interjection Laurel switched her gaze to Wes, watching as he turned down a particularly well-decorated neighborhood. The colored lights cast a warm glow on his face, causing his eyes to literally twinkle beneath his own hat. And even though every year they said this night was for Josie, Laurel couldn’t help the flutter of excitement in her chest as she realized this was nothing compared to what they’d be seeing in a few minutes.

“Oh right, how could I forget?” said Laurel, bringing her attention back to the car.

Without missing a beat, Josie answered from the backseat.

“It’s probably because of your baby brain.”

Laurel’s jaw dropped; Wes, on the other hand, burst out laughing.

“You’ve been called out,” he said through his laughter, unable to contain himself.

Laurel glared at him, albeit half-heartedly. She was well into her second trimester, and while she knew she could be a little forgetful at times, she hadn’t thought she was that bad.

“Our kid is brutal,” she muttered under her breath so only Wes could hear her.

Wes took her hand into his. “And just think, soon there will be two of them,” he said, his eyes sparkling.

And even though Laurel wanted to be mad, she couldn’t help the small smile that crept back onto her face.

“Yeah,” she said wistfully, unable to maintain her angry facade as she rested her other hand over her bundled up belly. Wes squeezed her hand before letting go and returning his attention to the road. The snow had finally let up earlier in the day but the roads were still slick, the plows having taken their sweet time making their way through the smaller towns outside Philly.

Before Laurel could get too emotional she was once again cut off by a very excited six year old.

“Mama, the story!”

“Okay, okay,” said Laurel, bringing her attention back to the car. She turned around so she was facing Josie in the back. “Do you remember how it starts?”

Josie nodded, her eyes bright.

“How?” asked Laurel, prodding her along.

“A long time ago, before I was even a baby, you and Papa were going to school so you could help people who were in trouble,” replied Josie as she scooted back into her car seat.

“That’s right,” said Laurel, taking another sip of tea before continuing, “And while we were at school we also worked for Auntie Annie. That’s how Papa and I met. We worked together and became best friends.”

“And you loved him since the first day,” continued Josie. Laurel chuckled as she looked up at Wes to see him smiling behind the wheel.

“Yep,” Laurel said, not taking her eyes off her husband, “I’ve loved him since the first day. It just took me a while to figure that out.” And I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner, she thought to herself.

“And it took Papa a long time too,” added Josie.

Wes’ smile widened at that. “Yep, it took me a long time too.”

Laurel felt the corners of her own lips turn up as she turned her attention back to Josie.

“After a year of school we stopped being silly and we finally started dating, and then we found out you were coming. You started growing in my tummy, and we were SO excited.”

“Just like the new baby?” Josie asked.

“Just like the new baby,” said Laurel, nodding in confirmation. “But with all the excitement Papa realized he had never taken me on a date before! I didn’t mind, I was happy just the way things were, but your Papa wouldn’t take no for an answer. He said he wanted to do something special.”

“Wes, I’m serious, we don’t have to do anything. I’m perfectly happy right here,” she said, scooting closer to him under the sheets so their noses were practically touching.

“We’ve been dating for two months and we haven’t actually gone on a date,” Wes said in reply as he wrapped his arm around her.

“So?”

“So, I want to take my girlfriend out for a change.” He planted a kiss on her forehead, causing Laurel to smile into his chest. “And besides, before too long we’re not gonna be able to go out just the two of us.”

“That’s true,” she mumbled, her voice vibrating against his skin as she softly kissed his collarbone.

“So is that a yes?” asked Wes, looking down at her.

Laurel smiled coyly.

“What kind of thing did you have in mind?”

“But Papa wouldn’t tell you where you we’re going,” piped up Josie.

“Nope, he said he wanted it to be a surprise,” said Laurel. She quickly turned around to face the front to see that they were pretty close. They’d timed everything perfectly. “So that night after we, uh, worked on homework for a bit —“

“Homework?” Wes asked under his breath with a smirk.

“Yes, homework,” she repeated, her eyebrows shooting up at him in warning. “Anyway, after that Papa told me I could stay in my pajamas but to bundle up because we were going to be outside for a while.”

“And Mama got mad because she didn’t want to go outside in the cold,” teased Wes.

“I did not get mad!” Laurel insisted.

“What can you even do outside in this weather?” she asked as she wrapped her scarf around her neck.

“Lots of things,” replied Wes with a smug smile.

“Ugh,” she groaned. “Have I mentioned I hate surprises?”

“Have I mentioned you’re cute when you’re mad?”

“I’m not mad!”

“We’re almost there,” announced Wes as he turned down a brightly lit road. Metal reindeer stood on either side of the street, ushering them towards their destination.

“Mama, hurry!” Josie exclaimed.

“Don’t worry, I’m almost to the best part,” said Laurel. “So once we got out the door Wes — Papa — drove us out of Philadelphia and down this very road. The whole time I was so confused. Why did we have to leave Philly? But I trusted your papa so I just went along with it.”

Josie interrupted with a gasp, causing Laurel to quickly turn to face the front.

Right in front of them was the giant welcome sign (Welcome to Winter Wonderland!) made of red and green lights. Beyond the sign was a canopy of blue and white, and beyond that, Laurel knew, was the garden, Santa’s village, and, Laurel’s personal favorite, the waterfall, all made of thousands and thousands of Christmas lights. They’d been coming here for seven years but the sight never failed to take her breath away.

“Here we are,” said Wes as they slowly drove down the lit driveway. He looked over to see Laurel completely in awe.

“What is this?” Laurel asked, looking all around as they pulled to a stop behind a long line of cars.

“It’s a drive through lights display,” he replied, grinning.

“It’s incredible,” she said as she craned her neck to get a better view.

“I know,” he agreed. He felt just as enamored as Laurel looked. They sat in silence, both taking in their surroundings as they inched towards the entrance.

“How’d you find this?” Laurel asked, finally breaking the silence after they paid and made their way to the first display, a brilliantly lit garden.

“I’ve always wanted to go to one of these,” said Wes. Laurel couldn’t help but notice his voice getting quieter. “When I was little there was this incredible light display right outside Cleveland, but my mom always worked nights so we could never go. I figured there had to be one around Philly.”

Laurel turned to look at him, a mix of sadness and understanding on her face.

“All my friends had different traditions they had with their families, but my mom was too sick and my dad was too busy,” she said. She paused before continuing, “Our Christmas was always just some formal dinner with a couple of perfectly wrapped presents thrown in for good measure. I hated it.”

“Same,” nodded Wes. “Christmas was never very fun at our place. My mom always said our only tradition was that we had no tradition,” He took her hand and pulled it into his lap and squeezed. “I guess I thought we could make this our tradition,” he said as he fiddled with her fingers. “I want our kid to have things to look forward to.”

“And in that moment I knew,” said Laurel, her eyes now only on Wes.

“You knew what?” Josie asked, looking from Laurel to Wes with knowing curiosity.

“I love you.”

The minute she said it everything else clicked into place. It was so simple, really. She loved him in a way she’d never loved anyone else, in a way that excited her and terrified her all at once. Wes was the person she was supposed to be with. The one she chose. “I know I said it before, but I mean it. I love you, Wes.”

Laurel was pretty sure you could see her heart beating through her coat it was beating that hard. Wes’ expression was unreadable, causing Laurel to immediately regret ever saying anything. Of course she’d jumped the fucking gun. Again. But just as she began to open her mouth and attempt to fix the mess she thought she made, Wes broke into the widest smile she’d seen in a long time.

“Then I pulled the car to a complete stop, like this,” said Wes, stopping the car in the middle of the road. “I gave Mama a kiss,” which he demonstrated by cupping Laurel’s chin, pulling her towards him and gently kissing her. Laurel let out a surprised laugh under his lips before he quickly pulled away, leaning against her forehead before continuing, “And I told her I loved her too.”

“Love you too,” Laurel mouthed back, pressing her brow against his. Wes smiled before giving her a little kiss on her forehead and sitting back up in his seat. Slowly he eased off the brake so that the car once again began to make its way to the next scene.

One thing they loved about this display was that there were both driving and walking portions of the park, so after a few minutes Wes pulled the car into a tiny parking lot and the three of them made their way down the illuminated path. They walked together for a bit, but as soon as she saw the sign for the village Josie ran ahead, her boots lighting up pink and blue with every step she took. As Laurel watched her daughter run around the various displays, the lights reflecting their different colors off her excited eyes, she felt a familiar arm slide around her waist.

“Hi,” she said, relaxing into Wes’ side.

“Hi,” he replied brightly, smiling down at her.

They walked in silent tandem; Laurel keeping an eye on a Josie while also thinking back through all the memories they had created in this park. There was the time during their first visit Wes made Laurel laugh so hard tea came out of her nose; the first time they brought Josie and she slept right through sitting on Santa’s lap, and the next year when she was wide awake and pulled his beard off. Every December they had come out to see the lights in their pajamas and drank peppermint tea and cocoa and told the story of how they’d gone from best friends to partners to parents, even when the odds were stacked against them and every time Laurel was reminded of how far they’d come in the last —

“Seven years,” said Wes, as if reading her thoughts, “Can you believe we’ve been coming here for seven years?”

Laurel shook her head. “I was just thinking the same thing. It feels like yesterday.”

“I know. It always feels like that, but especially this year for some reason,” he said.

“I think I know why,” she replied, grinning as she brought a hand to her stomach. It wasn’t as prominent under her coat, but there was still a gentle curve that definitely hadn’t been there last year. “I keep having flashbacks to when I was pregnant the first time.”

“Oh yeah, that’s definitely a possibility,” said Wes with a laugh. “But at least this time we aren’t constantly on the lookout for a bathroom.”

Laurel groaned at the memory. One thing they always left out of the Josie version was the fact that Laurel had gotten hit with a nasty bout of “morning” sickness the night of the first date (hence the peppermint tea, it was the only thing that helped that night, and well, tradition is tradition). “Don’t jinx it. I haven’t thrown up in weeks and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“Noted,” he said, gently hugging her side. The two of them continued to walk together, watching and listening to Josie explore the exhibit.

“Hey,” said Laurel, coming to a stop as she playfully nudged him with her elbow.

“Yeah?” He looked down, his eyebrows furrowed with a familiar mix of concern and tenderness.

In that one look Laurel was transported back to that first date, when everything was new yet old, familiar yet unknown and she’s hit with the very same wave of shyness and affection she felt all those years ago. It will never cease to amaze her how much he loves her, and how much she loves him.

“Thanks for taking me on that date seven years ago,” she said quietly, “And every year after that.”

The concern on his face was immediately replaced by understanding.

“For the first time ever I actually enjoy the holidays,” he replied with a shrug, “I should be thanking you. But you’re welcome.” He leaned over and kissed her temple, Laurel closing her eyes at his touch. For a brief moment the rest of the world had completely melted away, just like it had all those years ago.

“Mama, Papa! ¡Vamanos!”

Laurel opened her eyes to see Josie looking back at them, her arms crossed with growing impatience.

“Patient as her dad,” Laurel murmured.

Wes snorted. “I think she got that from both of us.”

As they made their way to the larger than life roses where their daughter waited, Laurel gently unwrapped herself from Wes’ grip and slid his hand into hers.

For most of their lives Christmas had meant nothing disappointment and anger. There were no traditions to look forward to or memories to be made. But times had changed since their first year at Middleton.

And for once, this change was for the better.

#yes christmas was like a month ago #but i got this idea and had to write it #hope you guys like it!#waurel #waurel fic #Wes Gibbins #laurel castillo #wes x laurel

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abnormallyadam · 7 years

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HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER 2x07/2x08 DOUBLE REACTION!

I THOUGHT OLIVER WAS GOING TO BE KIDNAPPED AND I DIED. This show is too good!!

#how to get away with murder #htgawm #2x07 #2x08 #i want you to die #hi i'm philip #coliver #connor walsh #oliver hampton #connor x oliver #annalise keating #viola davis #jack falahee #michaela pratt #laurel castillo #wes gibbins #asher millstone #frank delfino #bonnie winterbottom

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phoenixrogue · 7 years

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I remember when Wes and Laurel first became a thing all the floprels were against it 🙄 and then people started to see how wonderful that ship really is (was💔) and it's become more popular than flop.. Now I'm starting to see the same thing happening with Braven. Which is nice, except when people come in hating one of the characters or with negative shit. Both these ships were founded by respect and admiration and a beautiful supportive friendship but yet, people wanna go with the toxicass ship and when they see that their shit isn't happening they suddenly wanna hop over here and bring all their negativity in the tags. That shit is annoying. Soo yeah, just stay away.

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royallyprincesslilly · 2 years

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Title: OverRuled: Indecent Liaisons {2}***

Title: OverRuled: Indecent Liaisons {2}***

Alfie Enoch x Reader/OC “Nova Joy” x Wes Gibbins AU

Warning: Plot, Cursing, NSFW, 18+ Mature Content, PLENTY OF WORDS,

Words: 6k

Synopsis: What started as a way to escape her controlling father and suffocating family legacy turned into a real liberating and eye-opening experience for Nova Joy. Now she has returned from her travels as a travel lawyer who contract worked at some of the biggest named Law Firms across the world for the last three years and is home in Washington where she will join the G&E Group, the best firm specializing in nothing but everything. It is also the home of the two most famous attorneys in the biz who happen to be hot as hellfire, two attorneys who most women would kill for to become a client of theirs just to get close to them no matter if the risk of prison was on the table. To them it would be worth it.

In Nova’s life she has two goals, live her life for herself and no one else no matter what and never compromise her morals no matter what for no one. However, in Washington where scandal and crime run in the same circles can she do that while being the daughter that she is expected to be especially when her worldwide view is blown wide open by two of the most unexpected forces who show Nova, she may not know herself as well as she thought, and one’s morals are ever changing.

There is a very fine line between indecency and propriety and it all boils down to the bedfellows you keep.

Note: And we’re here with something that was not planned and is completely experimental. I could not get this idea out of my head, so I stopped trying to. I hope you enjoy it.

Note II: Italic text is a memory.

As always, thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!

****NOT Edited/Proofread AT ALL****

****Interactive****

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Previous Chapters: {1} |

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Chapter Two: If It May Please Me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dun-Dah-Dah-Dun-Dun, Dun-Dah-Dah-Dun-Dun, Dun- Dah-Dah-Dah.

The climactic suspenseful music started off soft. It was so soft it barely broke through your subconscious enough to pull you from your sleep. Though it wasn’t incredibly loud, you still felt your body stir. Flipping onto your belly, you sprawled your arms out across the bed and moaned.

Dun-Dah-Dah-Dun-Dun, Dun-Dah-Dah-Dun-Dun, Dun- Dah-Dah-Dah.

The sound became much louder which prompted a groan, then a mumble.

“Stop.”

However, it didn’t stop. It got really loud breaking through every subconscious barrier. Your brain knew this tune, your body immediately tensed knowing just who had called you. Like some creature of the night, you sprang from your bed ignoring that your body actually had a spine. You crouched into some ungodly position as if ready to pounce like a wild animal listing to the call of the wild which was in fact, Wagner’s “Ride of The Valkyries.” You stared at your phone on your bedside table but didn’t move.

After another round it stopped and slowly you began to relax. Lowering yourself, you crawled along the length of your king-sized bed to the headboard where you leaned your back against. Feeling as if you’d dodged a bullet, you let out a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, the universe had a stellar sense of humor. “Ride of The Valkyries” began again. You groaned. The plan wasn’t to talk to him until at least the day after tomorrow or even the end of the week when he’d gotten wind of where you’d winded up. However, true to his personality and his aggressive assertiveness he didn’t want to wait. The man was insufferable. How you’d come from that tree, you didn’t know.

After one set of ringing, it ended. The quietness in your bedroom stretched on for thirty seconds, then a minute. Once you’d reached two whole minutes without a call you sighed, confident he wouldn’t make a third attempt. One thing your father was if not a hard ass, was predictable. He was now under the assumption that you would be the one to place the next call. He was in for a rude awakening when he realized he had to be the one to call so he could berate you for going against him yet again.

A smile stretched across your face as you pictured the large vein he had in his forehead popping out as his right eye twitched from how angry he was. Unable to control yourself, you snorted out then laughed. You wondered if he had any idea who you were those years ago when he gave you your first ultimatum which prompted your leaving Washington to spread your wings. He didn’t then, but you guessed he was beginning to see the fibers of what you were made of. Soon it would be crystal. He’d started a war.

You sank down into the still warm sheets and stretched, allowing every vertebra and muscle to elongate fully. As your joints cracked and body opened up you became aware of the aches and soreness throughout your body. You paused and took note of them one by one. Tight thighs, aching back, tender abs, sore nether regions.

“Oh my god,” you said through a smile that grew with each passing second.

When you were full on cheesing from the memories of the night before you rolled onto your belly and kicked your legs as a you squealed into the plush sheets. After ending your gleeful freakout on a scream, you flipped back over and stared at the ceiling.

“Fuck. You are pure art. I could never have my fill. You are wonderland.”

Your smile grew.

“How is it possible for every inch of you to be absolutely gorgeous?”

You clenched your bottom lip between your teeth as you dove further down the rabbit hole of your memory.

“Please don’t stop.”

The feel of your hand between your legs took you by surprise. A soft gasp escaped you as your back slightly arched off the bed.

“Have mercy,”

You moaned. Though most of his features were cloaked in shadow, you remembered his amber eyes. They were absolutely unforgettable. He looked at you in a unique way. It almost seemed as if he were looking through you, seeing all the way to your very heart and soul. The entire night you were enraptured by that look and the ease he commanded your body to his will. Your fingers sped and the room filled with the sound of your breathy pants.

“I’ve never tasted anything as delicious as you.”

The memory of his face between your thighs fueled you on and within seconds you were chasing your released. Your fingers mirrored what you remembered of his mouth’s movements. Though it wasn’t a perfect match it was enough, as long as you didn’t lose the memory of his shadowed face. Your panting grew louder until you were whining.

“You looked like you liked to ride,”

You dipped two of your fingers inside of your core. Rather than tense up from the discomfort of soreness you felt, your body erupted, sending you over the edge and into the soft clouds of your climax.

“Yes!”

It was a shriek that echoed throughout the room, but you weren’t present enough to care if anyone else heard it. Through the haze in your brain, you heard your phone ringing again. Without looking you reached for it and placed it to your ear.

“Hello?”

“N—Nova?”

Your eyes snapped open, instantly recognizing the masculine voice. You didn’t move one inch, instead you stayed as still as a corpse as if they were now somehow in the room looking for signs of life.

“Hello?”

You didn’t answer. Your body’s weight returned to you as did every other weight you carried daily.

“I—I know you’re there Nova. You don’t have to say anything, just listen. I’ve been calling for months; you don’t answer my calls. I wouldn’t have had this number if it weren’t for Georgie. Look, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me but—I—I miss you No bear.”

You shuddered at the nickname and every memory it brought back. As you opened your mouth to speak you heard a hissing sound inside your head. It was the hiss of a snake.

“I know I fucked up and I’m sorry. I swear it never meant I didn’t love you.”

It was a snake you knew. Pulling the phone from your ear you ended the call and flung the phone across the bed. Your brain fired off like fireworks going over multiple things at once. Your history, the last several months, the reason for your recent celibacy and the epic end of that celibacy. Annoyance filled you so suddenly you sprung up. Just when you were beginning to let it go like Elsa and keep rolling on the river like Tina here this came.

“I’m going to fucking kill Georgie.”

You grabbed your phone again and shot a message off.

MSG: What a way to throw a bitch under the bus. You’re fucking dead to me.

You walked to the bathroom while stripping off your long lace chemise and leaving it on the floor. Once inside, you turned on the water in the shower then went about gathering your things. It was day two back in D.C, but you still hadn’t unpacked. You knew it wouldn’t be gotten to until damn near close to the middle of next month. Unpacking was the worst. Your phone went off on the bathroom counter bringing your attention to it.

MSG Georgie: *Dramatic gasp* Wow. You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Snorting, you tapped out your reply.

MSG: I have better people to be kissing, like a particular brown eyed brit from last night but you’re dead to me.

MSG Georgie: No, back it up, back it up. what brown eyed brit from last night? Is that why your ass didn’t call or text me back? were you on your knees for some rando?

MSG: On my knees, back, side, elbows, shins, fuck fingertips and toes too. 😝

MSG Georgie: Aaaaaaaaah! WTF, WTF? Who? Also how does one get on fingertips?

Your giggle echoed in the bathroom.

MSG: Downward dog bitch!

The gif of Cardi B that came in was a bit of an insider joke that never got old.

MSG: Getting in the shower, meet at Knox on Perth in 40 minutes. Make sure you wear what you want to be buried in.

With that, you placed your phone down and got in the shower, you planned on getting some answers from Georgie.

~~~~~~~~~~

-One Hour Later-

“What!? I most certainly did not give that miniature dick having piece of shit your number!”

You raised a brow as you took her in. You’d known Georgie since day one of law school. She’d actually been one of the many to know who you were and resent you for it. However, after the first four months of school and being paired together for a major moot court that you ended up winning, she learned a lot about you, mainly how much you weren’t anything like how she’d thought. Since that day you’d been besties and after graduating she accompanied you on your international spread your wings law trip. She’d been in D.C for almost eight months now since joining a different firm with a very lucrative wooing package.

“You didn’t?”

“Hell no! Why would I do that? I hate his ass too.”

“Do you? Then why did you sing his praises for a good three months after we broke up?”

“I wasn’t. He came off like a good guy. It totally blindsided me when he turned out to be such an ass.”

A few seconds later, Georgie gasped. “Wait, I think he did get your number from me. He’d been at the table with the party I was with, turns out he knew them too. I went to the bar and left my purse hanging off the chair. I thought it would be safe especially since I would only be gone for five minutes. When I came back my purse was resting on the seat and my phone on the table. I didn’t even think about it, I thought I’d just drank too much to remember. Oh my god, Nova, I think he went through my phone for your number.”

She looked so guilty, but you instantly reached your hand out to rest on hers. “It’s okay Georgie. How were you to know?”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m not mad now. I’ll just block him.”

“And if he keeps calling?”

“Change my number. It’s all good. Let’s move on.”

You dropped your eyes to the plates that had just been delivered to the table and tried to decide which one you were going to start with.

“This avocado toast looks amazing.”

You grabbed a slice then moaned as your teeth sunk into the thick brioche bread that was topped with diced tomatoes, fire roasted corn, cilantro, and crumbly blue cheese. As the flavors burst over your tongue you moaned and nodded your head.

“Try it,”

Georgie grabbed a slice, as you made a plate with a few options from the plated scattered around the table. The two of you ate in silence for a few minutes, both getting lost in one of the many things you had in common—food. Before long, Georgie piped up.

“So how long until you spill your unholy guts and tell me who was in them guts last night?”

You busted out laughing fighting hard to keep the food in your mouth and not splattered over the table or her face.

“Really, Georgie?”

“What? He wasn’t in the guts? The colon?”

She slapped her hand across her mouth emulating faux shock.

“Finally dabbling in the multiple ways of pleasure you’ve neglected and written off?”

“Oh my god, Gigi!”

Her laugh would have made Gru proud because it was definitely on evil mastermind level.

“Spill it! What’s his name?”

Fighting a smile, you took a long sip from your glass.

“Al.”

Georgie gagged. “What a horrible name. Is it short for something?”

You shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Eooow, no talking just straight f--.

“Aht, aht, aht! Behave.”

After another bite of food, you told her everything with censor. You knew she could read into the censored parts, that’s how well you knew each other. With every detail you revealed her eyes widened more and more. From the smile on your face, she got even giddier. By the time you got to the haiku he recited, she’d melted and remained a complete puddle until the very end.

“Holy shit, Nova! That’s fucking hot!”

Nodding, you took another sip of your drink.

“When do you see him next?”

You shrugged. “We didn’t exchange information.”

“He obviously lives in the complex. Find out which one.”

“What? No. It was clearly a one-night thing. If I just show up somehow out the blue, he’s gonna think I’m a nutjob and run. Also, there are like four penthouses, I’m not gonna go knocking at each of them.”

“Why? Girl, clearly last night was amazing for you and even more so for him.”

“How do you know that?”

“Uh hello, my best-fren knows how to put it down, that I have no doubt of.”

You smiled then sat up straighter as you waved around to an imaginary audience of admirers. She was always hyping you up.

“So, I am sure he is having the best memories today. This could be an opportunity for you to officially move on from--.”

You lifted your hand holding it up while shaking your head.

“I’ve been way over that. I just wanted to focus on work.”

“Right, so now that you’re back maybe a relationship could develop.”

She knew she was just wasting her breath at this point. Months ago, the thought of a relationship made you anxious and break out in hives, now not much had changed. It wasn’t something you felt you wanted to put yourself through. There were too many variables, too many things that could wrong. Facts were the cornerstone of your life, facts and the truth. Relationships didn’t have any of those. One’s facts could be different for the other party while the truth was always subjective, everyone always had their own version of it. What was the point.

“Let’s just leave it at an amazing night, a night that is long overdue. Be happy I’ve gotten back on the horse.”

She snorted.

“Sounds like he might actually be a horse, ol’ Seabiscuit looking ass.”

“He was big. It’s been a long time since I woke up sore.”

The look Georgie gave you made you laugh so hard—too hard.

“I’ll let you rejoice in your one night of slutdome, but I want it known that I think you should see him again and see where things go. Now that I’ve said my piece let’s drink to you finally wiping away those cob webs off your cooch.”

Your loud laugh echoed around the restaurant and brought plenty of eyes. Rather than caring, you and Georgie tapped glasses and drank your cocktails. For the remainder of brunch, she gave you the rundown of her firm—Malooney, O’Rourke & Norwood which was a big-name firm in its own right. They took plenty of high profiled criminal cases and their track record was always impressive. They managed to stay on the right side of ninety percent which was relatively unheard of in criminal law.

After brunch the two of you went shopping. While you had enough clothes you wanted to update your D.C fashion so you’d fit in while standing out. You’d learned long ago that being an attorney your appearance mattered almost as much as the law you were representing. Your appearance could win the case for you by intimidating the opposing counsel while impressing the judge. A good outfit had never steered you wrong.

Once you’d spent a small fortune on more than enough outfits complete with shoes and accessories you and Georgie split up with promises to meet up that night. You then proceeded to knock out a few errands on your to do list that would jumpstart your work week. Mostly everything had been handled over the phone or online, so it only left things that required a more personal touch. At the grocery store, you filled your carts then set up home delivery for later that evening, then stopped by the florist to pick out and schedule a few bouquets to also be delivered that evening. Once those were complete, you zoomed through your visit to the pharmacy and the bank to ensure everything had switched seamlessly.

By the time you got back home, you were just in time to receive the deliveries. It took more time than you’d expected to pack them away and set up the flowers just where you wanted them. You finished just in time to watch the sunset over the Potomac which again took your breath away. You sat in front of the large panoramic windows with a glass of wine and lost yourself in the serenity of it all while using the quiet to look over the final paperwork in prep for your first day at G&E.

You’d lost track of the time by the time your phone chimed.

MSG Vi: Are you gonna be late? I feel like you will be. You’re always late? Has that changed about you?”

You glanced at the time then sprang to your feet.

“Shit.”

MSG: Nope. I will be on time thank you very much!

You closed your laptop and hurried around tidying up after yourself, then hurried to get yourself together. You had forty minutes to get to the location that was just pin dropped to you. If you were honest, it would be a miracle if you weren’t late.

~~~~~~~

-Two Hour Later-

“I am so glad you’re back; it’s been too long since we’ve done this,” Nadine said as she threw her arms around your neck for the fifth time.

“I missed you too Didi.”

She’s changed a lot in the last three years. You didn’t know if it was the job or your parents. She’d managed to get away to a degree but that didn’t mean she your father still didn’t pull his strings like he was the puppet master.

She smiled wide and hugged you again. When you’d gotten there five measly minutes late, they were already on round three of drinks. Now you all had ingested your fair share of alcohol and it was beginning to take effect. None of you cared what you drank, the only policy was the stronger the better. The drinks flowed, the music blasted and the four of you including Georgie danced your asses off not caring who wanted to watch or snap pictures. Most knew what the Joy sisters looked like, for all your lives you’d been harassed by paps and your pictures had been posted in several newspaper as well as blogs. The only time you got a reprieve was the last three years as you traveled. No one cared about an American judge’s offspring. Now being back you loathed to think it would start up again.

After losing rock, paper, scissors you trudged through the crowd to the bar to claim another round of drinks. As you waited for your large order you scrolled through your phone and took a few selfies. Across the bar on the opposite side, you caught a pair of eyes on you. Pretending as if you didn’t know, you struck another pose and took a few more selfies. Slyly, you glanced across the way but could barely make out who you saw. The very dim lights in the club made it impossible to make out anything but a strong jawline, full lips, and a trim nose. Somehow though, recognition scratched at the back of your brain.

Squinting, you focused trying to stave off your foggy vision to try to make out more of the stranger who was wearing a tie in a club. Who wore a tie in a club? Fighting back a laugh, you leaned forward but your view was blocked by a body in front of you.

“From the gentleman across the way. He says if you want to see more all you have to do is come over.”

You smirked as you looked inside the glass that was before you. It smelled like gin.

“What’s this?”

“Negroni—says you look like the sweet and spicy type.”

You peered around the bartender’s body and found a smirk on his lips, but it didn’t look like one of cockiness, it looked like amusement. You lifted the glass to your lips and took a hearty sip then moaned. The sweet of the orange and the spice of the gin worked well together. Tonight, he was right.

“Tell the gentleman that no matter how much I’d like to see more, I go to no man.”

You knocked the rest of the drink back and raised the empty glass to him before placing it on the bar.

“Thank him for the drink though.”

Before walking off with your trey of drinks, you dipped your fingers into the empty glass and popped the orange wedge into your mouth. As you walked away, you could feel his eyes on your ass which only made you swing it more.

Two hours passed with you enjoying your life. You drank, danced, laughed, and mingled and the entire time when you looked out you found his eyes on you. It didn’t matter where you were, you found him. Whenever your eyes met, they lingered but no matter where he was, the shadows still embraced him, the same they’d done last night. You never got a clear view of his face and the longer it went on the more you liked it. You could feel the electric chemistry between you from across the club, it was astonishing.

A while later when your song played, you jumped up and backed onto the dancefloor with your sisters and Georgie. While lost in the music and having the best time out you’d had in a long time you felt an arm wrap around your waist. Shock overtook you, making you spin around ready to throw a punch but when you gazed into the pair of amber eyes several inches over you, you stopped. Those eyes, you thought.

Again, recognition picked at you. He looked familiar, but not at the same time. His clean-shaven face gave him an almost youthful barely out of law school look, but his eyes spoke of years of pain, love, experience, and knowledge—so much knowledge. He looked so familiar. Those eyes brought you back to the night before with Al. The features you’d made out were similar.

“Do—do we know—.”

“Dance with me?”

The assertiveness in his voice came across as he pulled you toward his body. You didn’t fight him because it felt familiar, but different. You couldn’t understand how. One thing you understood was it must have been Al, but his accent was gone. He sounded American.

The music changed to some sultry house and hip hop mix, and you allowed him to put his hand on your hips. Slowly, you swayed to the rhythm, slowly you moved your body along with his, against his and in perfect harmony. Your eyes locked and everyone else faded away. It was just the two of you in a smoky room swaying your bodies against each other, communicating in a primal way. It didn’t take long for your faces to make it to each other’s. His forehead pressed to yours while his scent enveloped you. He smelled like cinnamon, cinnabar, orange, jasmine, and something spicy like turmeric or cloves. He smelled good enough to eat.

“I’ve been unable to keep my eyes off of you all night.”

“Sounds like your misfortune.”

“And yours,” he replied.

“How?”

His hand wrapped around you pulling you more against him. You could feel his palm pressed to the small of your back, with his fingertips digging into you. It was a power hold.

“Because no one else has my attention, only you. Like a tiger, once I have something I want in my sights it’s impossible to let it go.”

Shit, you thought. What a line. You snaked your tongue out and darted it across your lips. His eyes dropped to them and watched as you did it.

“So you want me?”

“Can’t you tell?”

You shook your head.

“There are so many beautiful women around.

Pulling you closer, your chest pressed against his as he brought his lips to your ear. “I only have eyes for you.”

You didn’t know what the hell was wrong with you. It was like last night had kicked off the covering of a geyser—the geyser of desire you’d kept covered over the last several years. Now you were insatiable. Last night you’d done something so out of character with a practical stranger and here you were tonight wanting to do it again, though deep down you knew he wasn’t a stranger, he couldn’t be. This was Al. Perhaps he’d used a fake accent, or maybe tonight he was covering his accent. Maybe he was toying with you and wanted to roleplay like strangers.

It didn’t matter, you crashed your lips to his but his felt different, he tasted different. You wrapped your arms around his neck and opened for him to take control. Though slightly different from last night, he kissed with power, authority, and demand. He knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. It was a quality that turned you on. Moaning, you delved your tongue into his mouth and took control.

“Would you like to get out of here?”

You smirked on his lips but bit the bottom one. His groan made you hotter.

“Bathroom five minutes.”

With that you walked off disappearing in the crowd pushing your way through to the bathroom you’d gone to earlier. Thankfully, it was empty by the time you got there. You looked yourself over in the mirror the best you could in the room that was darker than the club itself. When the door opened, you watched through the mirror as he walked inside and locked the door behind him.

“The bathroom? You know I can take you somewhere else—somewhere better.”

You smirked and turned to face him.

“Been there, done that.”

You grabbed his tie and pulled him and his lips to yours. Instantly the fevered way he kissed you took your breath and the way his large hands cupped your ass brought you back to the night before. There was something when you bit his lip again, he groaned and pulled you from him turning you to the mirror before he latched onto your neck.

“Mmm!”

From behind, you could feel the urgent press of his hardened length against your ass and anticipation filled you. Long gone was the reality of your soreness, long gone were the thoughts of the aches of your body, all that remained was your ever mounting desire for the man behind you. You wiggled your ass against him rubbing his cock as your eyes held his in the mirror.

“What a tease.”

You smirked then raised your dress so he could see the thong you wore. His groan was guttural as his eyes feasted on the exposed flesh before him.

“So perfect.”

He squeezed your ass then slapped it making you toss your head back. His large hand gripped your shoulder then pushed you down, so you were sprawled across the counter before you. Feeling him pull your underwear to the side you prepared yourself for him but instead you felt his tongue slice through your folds until he sucked your bud into his mouth.

“Oh yes”

His tongue was gentle, soothing but maddening all at once.

“Mmm, delicious.”

“Fuck you’re gonna drive me insane.”

“You’ve been driving me insane all night. I’d say it’s payback and it’s entirely fair.”

Again, he slurped your flesh, making your back arch upward like a scared cayote.

“Mmm!”

He slowly increased the pressure of his lips making you see spots of light before you. Your breathing became raspy and short and when he dipped his tongue inside of you your knees turned to jelly.

“I gotcha.”

His large hands held you in place, pinned between the sink and his mouth. He didn’t give you any reprieve, instead he licked, sucked, and nibbled bringing you closer and closer to the edge. Just when you thought you were going to shatter into a million pieces, you felt him slide inside of you. Your body stretched to accommodate him as he nestled himself right where you wanted him.

“Fucking—fuck!”

The strain in his voice spoke volumes. He was also close to the edge. His lips pressed along your back to your neck before he moved inside of you. His movements were slow, and deliberate. You sank your teeth into your bottom lip and let the pleasure build until a mewl escaped you. He felt so good.

“Mmm, yes, right there!”

His thrusts sped and soon your body was jerking from the force and speed that he was plowing into you. You threw your hand out to brace yourself on the mirror and locked eyes with him.

“Yes, fuck me!”

That was just what he did. His pace went between fast with shallow thrusts to slow with deeper thrusts, he never let you get used to either before he was switching it up. You didn’t know if it was the pace, the depth or the constant eye contact that was making it impossible to breathe. From the look on his face, you knew he was feeling it too.

Suddenly, he turned your body so you were facing him then he lifted you in his arms and sank you down his length. You threw your head back and held onto him letting him do what he pleased. His lips kissed across your neck before he made it to your chin.

“Mmmm.”

Your eyes locked again and that was when his thrusts slowed. You bit his bottom lip, and he stilled letting you do what you wanted. It was almost like he wanted to see how far you’d go. Wrong move, you thought as you dropped your lips to his neck and bit making sure to leave a mark. For some reason, you wanted to brand him, to stake your claim. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he groaned loudly and slammed into you. By the time you realized it he’d cotched himself at the edge of the sink, leaving you dangling in the air with just the tip of his intrusion teasing your core. You were impressed by his strength. His frame did not allude to any obvious muscleman strength but right now he was exhibiting it and turning you on wildly.

With your eyes locked on one another, he slowly lowered you, so you took him in inch by inch, and he watched every little face you made. When he’d sheathed himself fully, he groaned. You balanced your heeled feet at the edge of the sink with your arms around the back of his neck hanging on like he was the horse and you the cowgirl. The angle was perfect enough for you to feel everything no matter if you moved or not. Using his neck as an anchor, you rolled your body up then down rocking like the ebb of the ocean tide and the flow of free water.

“Awwwwww fuuuuck!”

His head lulled back exposing his neck to you. Again, you lowered your lips and bit where his Adam’s apple was. His strong hands squeezed around you as his hips forcefully nudged up. Your head dropped back which gave him access to your neck and he took full advantage. His lips worked perfectly to tease your flesh, heightening your pleasure. As your body rocked and rolled on him using him as you pleased, he held you tighter and tighter. You soon began to realize that it wasn’t from his fear of you falling it was him trying to maintain some form of composure.

“Jesus, you feel so good.”

Pulling yourself up, you brought your face to his and kissed him. “You too!”

Putting your knees to the sink counter you changed trajectory and bounced on him, loving every second. Before you realized it, the ball of tension in your gut had expanded taking over everything making it harder to remain composed. All you wanted was your release. He must have sensed your urgency and how close you were because he took control then and within seconds, he was slamming into you sending you closer and closer to ecstasy. Gripping his tie, you pulled just when the ball within you exploded.

“Aaaaaah!”

Joining you moments later he held on to you so tightly you were worried you’d bruise. For several long moments, the two of you panted wildly trying to catch your breaths and return to your bodies. For the second day in forever you found yourself at a complete loss for words for a rationalization for your behavior. You were completely stunned but felt no regret or remorse. Chuckling, you leaned your head back.

“Mm, something funny?”

“No. this was—amazing. You’re amazing. I just—I don’t do things like this—ever ever.”

He nodded and dropped a kiss at the nape of your neck. You took a deep breath, inhaling his scent that was so familiar and new at the same time.

“I get what you mean. This is new for me too. I’ve never lost control like this.”

You smirked. “Is that your way of saying I’m—special?”

He chuckled and nudged upward once again making you suck in a breath.

“I think you should feel just how special you are.”

Just like that you could feel him hardening once again inside of you.

“Oh my god. Seriously?”

“What can I say, I can’t seem to get enough of you.”

He circled his hips lighting the spark of a flame within you. Before your lips met again, the banging at the door broke the two of you out of your haze.

“Looks like round two isn’t in the cards,” you said.

Scoffing, he nodded as he lowered you to your feet. While you adjusted yourselves the silence in the room was a comfortable one, one that didn’t speak of expectations or awkwardness. Everything felt normal as if you’d done this before and could do it over and over again. Once you’d fixed your makeup and dress to relative perfection, you have him a look and a nod then the two of you walked to the door to unlock it. Once it was, a line of people barged in giving you both quizzical looks that both of you avoided keeping your heads low.

Once out in the bustle of the crowd you felt his hand on your hip. He pulled you back right against his hard chest then lowered his lips to your ear.

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Giving me a challenge I think I will enjoy for the foreseeable future.”

“And what challenge is that?”

His lips pressed to your neck again and the graze of his teeth against you sent such a powerful electric charge through you that you thought about dragging him back to the bathroom for round two, fuck an audience.

“The challenge of making you all—mine in every possible way.”

He pressed another kiss to your ear then walked off leaving you standing there stunned. You looked in the direction he walked but he quickly got lost in the crowd only giving you the view of his perfectly broadened shoulders and trim athletic frame. He looked good up close but walking away was just as nice. Biting back the smile on your lips you played his words over in your head. Did you hear him right?

“What the fuck?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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chimswae · 4 years

Text

BTS Caretaker CH29

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4,753

- Author Note: Mild smut ahead (more to heated makeout session though hahaha) so, you have been warned on my cliche smut writing, i really dont know how to write a proper smut.So sorry for that, u can skip that part :)

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Chapter 29

“Coming!” hurriedly, Hoseok ran to the front door and he’s welcomed by the stack of boxes in someone’s arm. And that someone’s arm happened to be Seul. He pressed his lips together while taking the view in front of him with questionable gaze “wow, someone is planning to move in today?” Seul leaned her body against the wall to stabilize herself.

“Jung Hoseok you better make way for me if you don’t have any intention to help!” her faint hollered was muffled behind the stack of boxes.

Hoseok snapped out of his daze and quickly apologized before lending his hand to help the small girl. “What are these Seul? Why are you carrying all of these by yourself?”

“Present from Armys. I claimed it from the management office” he lifted the first box from the pile, groaning at its weight as he carried it inside. Not even half of the burden were lifted off from her and it really annoyed Seul to the core.

“Unbelievable! Are you really going to take one box from…ugh.. Goodness, you are impossible Hobi!” she nagged. Seul struggled out of her converse and entered the place carefully. When she thought she’d been careful enough, her knees buckled due to the extreme loads which did not match her size.

Seul blamed Hoseok for leaving her with the remaining boxes and chose to pick only one from the piles. Ungrateful Sunshine! She mentally groaned in dissatisfaction. Easing the boxes down on the ground carefully, Seul made sure her lower body could withstand the weight for few more minutes.

Her movements grew sloppy and uncoordinated “Ouff…” without warning, she screeched loudly garnering everyone’s attention. Seul stumbled forward and crashed on top of pile of boxes. To make it sounded humiliating, her face was buried inside one of the boxes and she had to literally hold her breath from sniffing the goodie bags inside.

“Seul?” “Seul what happen!” “Seul-seul are you okay?!” heavy footsteps could be heard from every corner. It seemed like everyone was in rush to the crime scene. A hand reached out to her arms, pulling her from inside the box and examining her body to find scratches on her skin.

Jin patted her cheeks, looking frantic “Did you get hurt anywhere?” finding herself breathless due to the small accident, she finally expelled a soft sigh along with small chuckle.

“Sorry. I am okay, I didn’t mean to worry-Yah Kim Seokjin” she was pulled into Jin’s warm embrace baffling everyone in the room. The members were snickering sarcastically, judging dramatic Jin throwing shades on him.

She palmed his chest, pushing the latter away from her body to create some space for both of them to breathe. “Aren’t you being a little too dramatic?” Jin shot her a disapproval look and trailed her gaze to the rest of the members who had their usual bitch-hands-off-her look across their face.

He knocked the top of her head with his knuckle “ Yah Kim Seokjin? Where is your Jin Oppa? Aren’t you being too informal? ” her nose scrunched up in disgust and turned to others seeking for morale support. Namjoon opened his arm welcoming Seul in his embrace. He grinned widely until the dimple appeared. She rushed to his arms, as Namjoon enfolded his long arms around her earning low protest from the floor.

“Since when you are so touchy with Seul?” said the maknae bitterly.

Jimin shook his head frantically “I cant.. handle more competition. Don’t fall for hyunggie Seul-ah!” he snorted with his whiny voice. She refused to entertain the whiny baby and sealed her mouth until then. The more she showed her response, the longer she had to watch these boys irrelevant mouth fight.

Namjoon paid no attention to others and rubbed her arms urging Seul to come with him to his room “Where are you bringing her?!” Jin shouted from the living room watching their body slowly disappeared from his vicinity. Yoongi rolled his eyes, escaping the commotion to his room.

-------------------

Seul spent two hours in Namjoon’s room watching English shows though she barely survived throughout the shows, Namjoon was kind and patient enough to translate some difficult terms for her. Hoseok and Jimin would come to check on them every five minutes until the couple had enough and decided to lock the door.

The first 10 minutes, Jin pounded on the door like a mad man demanding the leader to return Seul back to them or else they would call help to open the door. The guys seemed to have so much time in hand today that they chose to pick on Namjoon and Seul instead of minding their own business.

After wasting his energy in persuading Namjoon and Seul unlocking the door, Kim Seokjin gave up and finally they could find some peace.

Nibbling on her chips halfway, she dropped the remaining on her lap as she pointed at the screen with a soft gasp “ Is it even ethical to kill someone and get away from it?!” Namjoon chuckled softly and hummed a soft yes.

“This is so fucked up!” Seul threw her arms in the air and rubbed her pounding head. He flicked his eyes up and down before his left brows shot up in either surprise or disapproval of Seul’s choice of words “Language. You have been spending too much time with Yoongi hyung” flicking her forehead lightly, the girl pouted in protest.

Namjoon’s forehead creased into a frown “ It is called ‘How To Get Away With Murder’ for this reason duh. The title itself already give away the idea of the story. You are being a drama queen” she curled up beside him and brought her attention back to the television screen.

“I know, but it doesn’t make any sense. If I were Wisse Gribbins, I would tell the police and leave his friends to deal with their own problem”

“It is Wes Gibbins. You sounded so Korean” he corrected and let out an amused laugh. She smacked his forehead softly, scowling in disapproval “The last time I checked, I am Korean, Rap Monster-ssi” he cringed at the way how she called him by his stage name. It was his first time to hear it from Seul and for some reason it created a huge gap in between those words. Unfriendly, yes that was it.

“That sounds even horrible. Just stick with Namjoon. Rap Monster-ssi doesn’t fit you” he glared down at her and ran his fingers in her hair out of habit.

“But, I meant to ask something… Just your view, tell me honestly alright? I have been thinking to change my stage name” he bit his lower lips as if in deep thought.

The corner of her lips pursed up as she nodded “To what? Joonie? O-ri?” he scoffed.

“Joonie is too cute! Stop bringing up O-ri, I am so over my Hiphop Monster figurine which resembles a duck, ugh now I have to live with that”

Seul tilted her head, thinking deeply before responding “ Jji-Mon! (RipMon)” clasping her hand together, her eyes twinkled in happiness as if she just won the big prize of the night.

Namjoon stared at her blankly trying to brain Seul’s words. He regained back his ability to talk not long after.

“What in the world? How did you know about that! It was long time ago, and I thought you weren’t a fan Seul. Or are you secretly my fan since start but you got to hide it because you are too shy to admit it?” he drew his own conclusion annoyed the hell out of her.

Sneering sarcastically, she poked his forehead returning Namjoon to his original position as he had moved a little too close to her “I saw the concept trailer, whereby you and Jimin had to rip off your shirt. You really are a true god of destruction; how could you rip it off at once when Jimin’s shirt was looking fine after the deed, unlike you. Tsk, Rap Monster-ssi” she teased.

“That was wardrobe malfunction. Stop using that against me. I won’t ask your opinion for my stage name anymore, you are a true Army, what do I expect? You will make me use those funny nicknames”

“Hey! I am not your Army. And those nicknames aren’t that bad. I found it is entertaining” he chuckled lightly.

“Alright you are not my Army. However, you are our girl. So, let’s get back to our main topic, shall we? About my stage name. I am thinking of making it official. Instead of using Rap Monster, I want to use RM. What do you think about it?”

Seul beamed “RM sounds professional and cool!”

“And, Rap Monster sounded unprofessional?” he scratched his head.

“I didn’t say that. Rap Monster is good but now that you are moving forward and become bigger, I think RM suits you better though I prefer Namjoon over anything, no offence. But, Rap Monster sounds too teenager-ish to me. I like RM. I am sure Armys will love it too” she patted his head with light giggle.

He chortled “Teenager-ish. That makes sense. I am no longer the Rap Monster who wrote childish lyrics, I wish to be better and thorough in producing music. Do you think Armys will be okay with RM?” he expressed his concern. In all honesty, Namjoon did not want to screw things up especially when it involved Armys. Every decision that he’s about to make, he would put Armys in his thought.

“Joon, your fans will love it. Remember they love you just as much as you love them. Trust them. You are worrying too much. Shall we just use Jji-Mon instead?”

“Absolutely no. You are not in charge in this” he pinched her nose, frowning at her small tease.

They jumped in surprised as a loud banging at the door drew their attention momentarily “Kim Namjoon! Ji Seul! Open the goddamn door now or I swear to god I will break it down in 10 seconds!”. Kim Seokjin was screaming at the top of his lungs threatening them once again.

Springing up, she smoothed back her tousled hair and rose from her feet “I will tame the whiny lioness, stop worrying over the stage name. Let Armys know how you feel, it will make you feel better”

“Thank you Seul..I will think about it” a slow smile worked its way across his face. Namjoon knew exactly what he felt right now. And, he made up his mind about the stage name.

“Kim to the Namjoon! Return Seul safely now!” he pounded loudly.

“Ugh Jin is so annoying. Give it a thought alright?” she winked as she hurriedly went to open the door “Coming! You can stop pounding the door now Jinnie!” Seul hollered in response to Jin’s wrath.

---------------------

The next day Seul arrived at the boys’ place to work a little later as she had to accompany Mrs Hwang for routine check-up. She went straight to tend her job as soon as she sent her mother back safely. Upon her arrival, the place was empty. They must be out somewhere or most probably at the company practicing for their next tour. In few days they will be leaving Korea and this time it’d be Wings Tour Japan Edition.

In the middle of preparation for their tour, the boys had started going in and out from the studio for their upcoming comeback which was expected to be in September. The second half of 2017 had already drained fifty percent of their energy. Hence, the thought of surviving the rest of the year until their comeback was torturing them.

Seul walked along the hallway, picking up dirty laundry in process while humming to some random songs. She stopped halfway in front of Yoongi’s private study room or more like his mini studio. He had one at the company as well as in their dorm. Yoongi would use either one of his genius lab depending on his mood. However, most of important and private stuffs would be secured in his main genius lab. The one that he had at home was a casual thing, he didn’t really put passwords to the door.

There was a small voice coming from the room, and out of curiosity she pushed the door slowly scanning the room in hope to find familiar faces like Min PD. Smiling to herself, she was over the moon to see Yoongi in his seat engrossed in his work. He didn’t even notice her presence there.

She took the chance to enter the room stealthily just to scare him a little. Chewing on her lower lips, she stifled her giggle settling the dirty laundry outside. Seul crept into Suga’s Genius Lab, shutting the door behind her silently. She stood behind him waiting to jump out or to creep up, startling him.

Seul chose the second options to appear more daring. It was Suga not Jungkook. This guy deserved a little scare just to tame him. To put it off this way made it sounded so wrong. She shook her head to get rid of the weird thought and getting ready to execute her so called guerrilla attack.

Before she could make a move, Yoongi swivelled his chair around facing the girl. Seul gawked in bafflement, giving Yoongi upper hand to pull her into his lap. “Got you” his low voice sounded awfully deep today, and it almost made Seul losing her shits.

“What are yo-“ she struggled to stand up but Yoongi tightened the grip around her torso, running his thumb in circular motion along her waist line.

“I miss you” he murmured.

She softened in his hold. “I miss you too” she encircled her arm around his neck. Seul looked startle by her own action but drawn as he inched close to her face. It was only a matter of time before their lips reunited again. Yoongi brushed his lips against her, holding her cheek in his hand drawing her closer.

He kissed her gently, cradling the back of her head, relishing the feel of her soft hair and delicate bones. Their lips moved in the same rhythm, ravishing each other lips. She stroked his chest, allowing the latter to push his tongue inside dominating this battle.

To be frank, she never expected kissing Min Yoongi would be this hot and it triggered her desire to feel more of it. He roamed his hand around her body, feeling every inch of her covered skin adding the fuel in their already heated moment. Aching for more, they pulled away from the kisses panting for clean air and before she could regain her normal breathing completely, Seul let out a small moan in his earlobe.

She clung to him, emitting a low groan as he sucked on the tender area at the base of her neck. Her voice encouraged him to explore her body further. Yoongi’s temperature rose and he went to kiss her again with so much passion. This time Seul responded to the kisses as passionate as his.

Carefully, he ran his hand to her buttocks switching her position. She straddled him on the seat, her knees on either side of his legs, wrapping herself deliciously close to his body. His fingers fiddle with the button of her blouse, when she made no move to stop him, he took the chance to unbutton them halfway down enough to reveal her chest.

Yoongi breathed softly against her lips and nuzzled her face. Their gaze met as they communicated silently with a single stare that they exchanged. Chewing her lower lips, Yoongi kissed her briefly before running his lips along her jaws. He slipped her hand under her blouse, feeling her tender skin against his hand.

Seul’s body went rigid with surprised as trembled shook her body. The euphoric warmth blossomed within her once more when she felt his hand caressing her chest inching close beneath her cleavage. His lips returned to ravage her neck knowing what it did to her. She arched towards him, holding back the moan in her throat. He nipped at her neck slowly getting harder and more insistent as time passed.

Her hand clutched onto his shoulder for support, as her free hand ran freely in his brown lock. Yoongi’s action rendered her breathless. She unconsciously moved a little creating small friction against the dangerous zone. It was supposed to be untouchable, yet as soon as she heard Yoongi deep groan. She knew she had done something inappropriate to it.

“Darn it Seul” he nibbled on her earlobe as he picked up the confuse girl, making his way to the couch behind them. He laid her down and found himself on top of her. Yoongi was not rushing into doing anything intimate with her, in fact he had been monitoring her response. If she didn’t push him away, meaning he got her permission. Up to this stage, Seul showed no sign of protest.

She slid her hands under his shirt, signalling him to take it off. His breath hitched at the sight of eager Seul beneath him making Yoongi wanted to take her right way. She took a moment to stare at his body without blinking. Seul pictured the image of shirtless Yoongi in her head, admiring his fine body that matched the perfectly milky skin. Yoongi looked effortlessly beautiful without his shirt on.

“You seem impressed baby girl” said Yoongi teasingly.

Her cheeks reddened realizing that she’d been taken a long time to admire the fine man on top of her. However, when Yoongi lips captured her once again in another long and endearing kiss, it washed off all the shyness in her.

She closed her eyes and felt the passion swelling in her. He broke the kisses and looked into her eyes “Baby, tell me when to stop” she was moved by his soft side. Despite in this situation Yoongi put her feelings above his raging hormone.

Nodding with a smile, Seul pulled his neck down and made the first move. She kissed him on the lips, using a little tongue before trailing the kisses to his neck. She knew what was she doing causing the older guy to emit a long moan while his hand gripping her hip.

Chills bumps across her body as Yoongi pressed against her, as he pinned one of her hands abover her head. He interlaced their hand together and he kissed his way down to her chest. Reaching her back, he unclasped the fabric that had been hiding the beauties in front of him. Seeing Yoongi’s lustful stare, she blushed madly and threw one of her arms to cover the twins from his prying eyes.

Their eyes locked, as he removed her hand uncovering the two beauties. He breathed sharply and mumbled “You are beautiful baby girl. Too beautiful” she anticipated what he’s about to next. She chewed her lips nervously but soon the feeling was taken over by one of the greatest pleasure in her whole life. One at a time, he just kept on and on kissing and sucking on them turning Seul into a moaning mess.

Arching her back, she pushed her chest forward letting him to have them, giving into the pleasure that he gave her willingly. While he’s working on pleasuring her, he unbuttoned the remaining button of her blouse and slipped it off her.

Yoongi held both sides of her abdomen as he moved down, pushing her legs apart. Watching her hesitation, he took the cue to trail his kiss back to her stomach, kissing it all over. He was so gentle with her, every kiss that he showered were made of love.

“Yoongs…where is everyone” she bit her tongue from expelling another loud moan.

Stroking her hips deeply, Yoongi kissed her inner thigh playfully and mumbled against her skin “Out. They won’t be back until tonight” kissing and licking her, he teased her into a frenzy. Seul grabbed the sheets tight, grunting sexily which drove Yoongi mad.

The couple continue undressing each other skilfully.

Clothes scattered on the floor leaving her with only thin fabric covering her most fragile area and so did Yoongi. He glances at her once again seeking for permission. A faint blush crept up her cheeks, and that was enough to convince him that she’s alright with this level of intimacy.

She exhaled as if to steady her nerves when he finally freed her and continued to shower kisses there, earning a deep grunt from Seul. One of her hands was locking his hair, Yoongi worked his way in between with passion.

“Yoongi..” her breath hitched. Seul was reaching her peak and he knew it, just how he intended it to be. Still not stopping, he kept on with his skilful tongue. Her body tense up as she exhaled a deep breath feeling the ecstasy from his sinful tongue love making.

The sensation from his warm tongue drove her insane.

Only soft and erotic groans could be heard across the room. Just how much they longed for each other this way? They were drowned in a sea of lust and love.

------------------

Sitting in between Yoongi’s legs, he snuggled her closer to his body. “I want you to listen to this song. It is a demo for our new album” her eyes gleamed in excitement. “Is it alright to let me listen to it? I mean I am not a BTS member” she mumbled confusedly.

“No, it is alright. It is just a rough version of the song. We haven’t confirmed anything yet” Yoongi chuckled softly as he reached out the ipod on the glass table and adjusted the headphones over her ears.

“Ready? Tell me what do you think of it alright?” Seul nodded with a thumb up. His thumb glided over the screen, and the first strain of a smooth alternative hip hop with a light touch of jazz echoed through the headphones. She found herself enjoying the soft beat as her head tilted by its own to right and left in response.

There was not much lyric in it since they may need to come up with new changes now and then. However, she could catch small lines that they already included in the song. It was poetic and catchy.

All of my wonder You’re the answer I call you her, her Cause you’re my tear, tear

Yoong ran his thumb along the side of her waist anticipating Seul’s reaction. He had been working the songs with Namjoon and Hoseok, though the leader had already come up with the full lyrics of the outro, he still had to make sure the beat matched the lyric perfectly.

When the song ended, Seul removed the headphones and turned her head facing the handsome rapper. “That was beyond amazing Yoongi!” she grinned, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. He watched the girl cracking his gummy smile “Really? I wanted to submit this last touch to Joon, so he could record the rest of the lyrics” Seul tapped his small nose.

He scrunched his nose cutely “You did great! Can’t wait to hear the full version of the song. I can feel it in my bones that it is going to be my favourite songs from your new album” just by watching her giddiness boosted his confidence.

“Don’t decide that now. There are more cool songs in the album. Wait for it. It is going to be a new side of Bangtan Sonyeondan” he brought her to his arms again, resting his chin on the top of her head.

She nuzzled her face at the crook of his neck “I am with Bangtan till the end” he caressed her hair lovingly and placed a kiss on her head.

“Of course. You are our girl” he soothed her with a deep murmur.

Their girl. Namjoon said the same thing. Her feelings were a mixture of happiness and guilt. Sometimes she was scared of her future though she promised to live the present without worries.

She couldn’t simply wash off this insecurity in her, just because it was impossible to forget. Seul had to handle her present with confidence and face her future with no fear.

Just, never let your fear decide your future.

Yeah, she’s holding onto the principle.

-----------------

“Someone trashed our practice room!”

“The culprit tried to break into Hoseok’s hyung studio, but they didn’t get through it. I bet they or he or she whatever were in rush. They left right after they broke into Joon hyung and Yoongi hyung studios” Jungkook explained to Seul with heavy pant. He was just so mad that his veins started to appear on his skin.

Seul felt angry to hear the news, the girl clenched her teeth together “Did they take anything from the studios?” Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose with a harsh grunt.

“My works were all gone. Those assholes! OUR HARDWORKS WERE ALL GONE! SCREW THIS” he yelled venting his frustration. Namjoon expelled a heavy sigh “They didn’t take anything from my studio, but the equipment was ruined. Ugh, I really want to kill the person who did this” his brow creased and he pressed his lips into a thin line.

“CCTV?” she inquired.

Shaking his head in defeat “Someone tampered with the surveillance camera. The footage was deleted. I had no idea how they entered the building” Seul frowned in disapproval.

“It was odd how they trashed Joon and Hoseok studios but wiped off Yoongi’s works. The furniture and equipment in his room are untouchable. There is no sign of robbery. Could they be after Yoongi?” the eldest of the group spoke up with a deep furrow.

She sent Yoongi a sympathy glance knowing all his hard works being erased overnight, that must be upsetting. Who would do such things to him? Yoongi might appear unfriendly but he would not hurt anyone. He could spit the nastiest remarks on others who provoked his anger, yet that only happened when you tick off the Min Yoongi.

“Did you make any enemy outside? Anyone that rings the bell?” Jimin shifted his gaze back and forth from Jin and Yoongi. Then he pursed his lips, feeling defeated.

Yoongi watched him, while he narrowed his eyes in a deep thought. To think of the possibility, Jin assumption could be right. However, he couldn’t think of any names that could possibly do this to him. After he became a trainee and debuted as BTS member, he rarely got the chance to meet someone new and make new friends.

He dedicated his life for his work and Bangtan, not that he remembers making any enemy outside. Maybe few people who loathed him from choosing the easiest path to become artiste. It was a long time ago since he used to be an underground rapper. Namjoon and him were hated for being an idol so they had cut off their ties with them. That was the last time they ever met the crews and to think someone would do this to him after years sounded unreasonable.

“We found the culprit! Lets head to the company now!” their manager popped out from nowhere surprising everyone.

“What? How? Who?” Hoseok and Jungkook said in sync, as they were already on their feet.

The tall man nodded while grabbing the keys “He turned himself in. We will get our answers soon. So, let’s go now” Seul eyes widened at the revelation. If the person really turned himself in, then why would he waste his energy to commit those crime.

“Do you want to tag along?” Yoongi touched Seul shoulder “I can make use of your presence beside me, please” his eyes bore into her. Seul hesitated to know she was in no place to be around the boys publicly.

They heard their manager emitted a deep sigh, “Seul, come with us. You may need to stop someone from causing a scene” his eyes were fixated on Yoongi. He knew exactly how the guy would react, Yoongi’s anger was not a joke.

“Sure…” Yoongi grabbed his extra mask and helped to put it on her. It was needed to protect the girl from being exposed to medias or Armys. At least, they might see her as one of the staffs instead of spreading false rumours.

For an odd reason, she didn’t feel good about this. She just couldn’t rid this uneasiness in her. Was she overthinking about the whole thing?

#btscaretaker #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts fanfiction #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #yoongi fic #jungkook fic #yoongi x oc #jungkook x oc #mild smut #bts romance #suga x oc #bts x oc #yoongi fluff #bts fluff #jungkook x reader #min yoongi x reader

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loudsuitlover · 4 years

Text

Doctor Harry XXIII. Locura Transitoria

Preview:

“You’re closer.”

“What?”

“You’re right on the other side. You were standing farther away before.”

Yes, I am. I hate it but he’s like a magnet. I shut my eyes and press my fingers against them. My chest is tightening and I don’t know why the hell it is so hard to be this close and this far away from him or to let this all thing go. What I’ve always hated the most is not knowing.

I remember when I started watching Dark, a fucking hard-to-understand German tv show, and I would even have nightmares. Not understanding brings me a lot of anxiety. I like to know why things happen, to fully grasp the essence of things, but with Harry I can’t seem to do that. I don’t know why it’s so easy for him to crash my heart with his bare hands.

Had it been any other person, I would have just ignored them without a second thought. I’d be now watching a movie on my bed and they would get bored and leave but seeing Harry like this, or hearing him like this, it’s breaking my heart and I hate it. He deserves to feel like this but I don’t like seeing it.

He's not saying anything and a sudden panic takes the best of me. What if he gets bored? What if he doesn’t harass me anymore like I said he’s doing? This is bad, this is nearly toxic but damn it, I don’t want him to pull away.

“Indie…”

Don’t call me that.

“Indie, don’t hate me.”

^^^^Every other part, can be found here

BLUE’S POV

I let the water run a little too long before I fully wake up and close the tap. I get the toothbrush on my mouth and set my eyes on the white marble of my old bathroom. I was planning on going back home earlier after my nightmare because the entire day was off after that. I think Jason thought I was sad about Harry and if I thought about him, I was sad about that too but it was a different kind of sad.

This house is suffocating me. Every memory that it brings, everything I haven’t had the heart yet to face, everything that I try so hard to supress like a dam holding a river back is clouding over my head and pulling me down and I feel like I need to get away from here before all this shit wins.

But Dad did have the surgery. We did not have time to even go to the hospital and talk to the doctors about what Harry and professor Gibbins had said. The very same night I talked to them, I told Dad about it and we agreed we’d go to the hospital in the morning and I would talk to his doctor myself but when I woke up he told me he had gotten a call from the hospital and he had the surgery the following day.

I had no idea Harry or doctor Gibbins had that much to say at Capitol Hospital but I would have to be stupid not to know some calls must have been made. I texted doctor Gibbins a thank you note and ask him to pass it on to Harry, which I guess it’s childish but I can’t believe he would use my dad’s health issue to win my forgiveness over.

Also, I don’t know why it feels so wrong to think about Harry now. It gets harder to breathe and I look at myself in the mirror. I stare into the eyes of the brunette girl that stares at me but it’s hard to see me in her. It’s like I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I know who I used to be. I know who I was when I was Dylan and I know who I was after that but… It’s just too painful to say that I liked this other girl better.

It’s annoying and unfair and probably unhealthy to think that a man can have such an impact. I hate to think that I’m someone different now than I was the last time I was here thanks to a man and it’s even more painful because that man is going to ruin his life just like Dylan did.

I spit the toothpaste and wash my mouth and my face when I realize I’m crying. If only I could just talk to Dylan once. Fuck, how I wish that he would just come down this once so I could talk to him about all of this. I’m sure he’d know what to say and he’d call me Indie again. But I’d never hear him saying that ever again.

I close the tap again and walk out of the bathroom bumping into Jason as soon as I walk outside.

“Hey there.” Jason smiles. “How are you today?”

“I’m good.” I lie. “I feel so bad that we ruin your Christmas. I mean, aortic dissection, girls crying on your shoulder, having nightmares by your side…”

“It’s cheaper than the movies.” He jokes and I chuckle. “And seriously I’m just glad I’m here to be with you.”

“With me or with Rio?”

“Rio is a bonus. I won’t deny that.”

I chuckle and make my way towards my room to get ready. We’re leaving today for Coco needs to be in Grad for some group project she needs to present right after Christmas.

Rio really liked Jason too. Granted, they already knew each other but I think this week sharing roof has brought them closer together. Rio tried to convince me that Jason was a good guy because, even though he was insisting on how good he was at sensing this kind of things, he apparently was so sure JJ actually liked me. I almost tell him Jason would have him over me any day, but it’s not my place to say something like that, of course.

I fold my clothes on my bed before I put them inside my suitcase and give a smile to Coco as she makes her way inside my room.

“Jason and I saw Elena yesterday.” Coco smiles.

Elena is the lady of the book store in town. Coco and I didn’t really went to town before I met Dylan but after that, we were kind of done with going downtown and we started loving just staying in the suburbs. It was very cosy and people were really nice.

“She asked me about you.”

I give my sister a smile but look back at my clothes. She took Jason to town yesterday to show him around while I was at the hospital with my Dad. I’ve always gone to town a bunch of times after Dylan passed away because everything reminds me of him there and it’s just almost impossible for me to walk down the streets without seeing him sitting on some café or coming out of show with his football jersey. A bunch of times are one too many.

“How is she?”

“She’s good, very old though.” Coco’s eyes widen and I laugh. “Everything is just the same.”

Which only makes it worse for me. Or maybe not. I like to think that our town in Capitol is not going to change because in a way it feels like it’s respecting Dylan. Like time is going to pass for everybody but our town and me, we’re always gonna be what we were for him. That kind of keeps him alive in a way.

“There’s…” Coco stops and when I look at her, I can see she’s considering whether she can tell me this or not. “Amalia’s got blueberry muffins called Indie Blue.”

I take a deep breath. I didn’t get to talk to Dylan’s mum. I just couldn’t bring myself to. I dialled her number a dozen of times but never actually pressed the call button. I guess I was running before myself when I thought I could do it. And anyway, it’s been a crazy week as it is.

“Did you go in?”

Coco nods and holds my gaze with an understanding one.

“She was very happy to see us and send her greetings. I told her you’ve been meaning to chat with her and she understands.”

“She always does.”

Coco nods.

“Anyway” her tone lightens up and she claps her hands together “I just came over to check if you were ready to leave and to tell you I’ve thought about stopping at the hospital before we actually leave so we can say bye to Dad.”

“Right, yeah, I was counting on that.”

“Sure.” She smiles. “Gonna go get JJ.”

“Cool.”

I keep my charger and my headphones on my bag and leave my old copy of To Kill a Mockingbird on my shelf. I know that book by heart but never get tired of Scout’s mind. Grabbing my phone, I see I have some other texts from Harry and start to feel a little guilty for ignoring him but still don’t answer. I still have some more important matters at hand. I dial Amalia’s phone number again but instead of calling, I decide a text would do for now.

To Amalia:

Hi, this is Indie. My sister told me about the Indie Blue muffins and about the greetings, thank you. I’ve been meaning to call you all week, maybe we could see each other and catch up over an Indie Blue muffin next time I’m in Capitol?

I’m very sorry I didn’t pass by the café, I’m not pretty good at coming back home, I guess… But anyway, it’s always nice to hear from you. I hope you and Robert are fine.

Lots of love, Indie. X

Harry: It’s okay if you don’t want to answer, but I was just wondering how your dad’s doing.

Harry: Also you. How are you?

Harry: I can’t wait to see you.

Harry: If you ever want to.

Not answering him is childish and stupid but I just don’t know what to do about him yet and I need to at least have a clue if I want to answer for I need to know if I wanna be all blunt or rather forgiving so instead I just keep my phone in my bag and make my way downstairs.

“Okay, everyone’s ready?” Coco’s at the door and has got the car keys on her hand.

I nod and follow JJ outside and towards the car. We talk about how we’re gonna miss Dad’s baking back in Grad and Jason says he’s gonna miss Dad’s best culinary work, Rio, more than anything else.

“How great would it be that Rio was gay?” He wishes as Coco pulls over at the hospital parking lot.

“He’s not.” I remind him.

“But how great would it be? Not even gay, just bisexual. I’m happy with bisexual.”

“I don’t think he’s bisexual either.”

“Aren’t we all though?” He raises his eyebrows and gives me a look.

“I really don’t think so.” Coco laughs.

“Oh, you just haven’t opened that door yet, baby.”

He makes a point at opening the door of the car and then when his feet are on the pavement, he turns his body back so his head is inside the car and both Coco and I stop our movement to watch him.

“But let me tell you- that road is only one way; there’s no going back.”

“You sound like a sect leader.”

I open the door and get outside and would have heard Coco’s laughter if she made any sound.

“I’m pretty sure that’s highly homophobic.”

“Barely.” I shake my head.

The three of us walk inside the hospital with the promise of mentioning nothing to Rio. Jason’s crazy if he thinks either Coco or I would do that but we still have to swear it. Rio’s dark eyebrows raise on his forehead when he sees us walking towards Dad’s room.

“Hey, sisters.”

“You didn’t think we were going to leave without saying goodbye to old papa, right?”

“I was indeed. Lost a bet though. Dad said you’d come say bye.”

Coco wiggles her eyebrows at him before the two of us walk inside the room. Claiming to give us some privacy with Dad, JJ stays outside talking to our brother and I just roll my eyes at him.

“Do you think Rio hasn’t noticed?”

“He talked to me a couple of nights ago and thought he was revealing a top secret when he said he was pretty sure Jason was into me.”

Coco starts laughing hysterically and my dad smiles at both of us.

“How great would it be if Rio was gay though?”

Both Coco and I look at my dad with eyes wide opened before we look at each other and laugh.

“There are too many women in the Andersons.” Dad jokes.

“You love us.”

“Like crazy.” He smiles.

“How are you? How are the stitches?”

“I’m fine and the stitches are too. Rio and I have been making up stories for my scar. I think I’m gonna tell I was scuba diving and a manta ray cut through my chest with its sting.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll be dead if that was the case.” I break up to him and he just rolls his eyes.

“I’m gonna miss you, birds.”

“We’re gonna miss you too, Dad.”

Coco lies on his bed and carefully rests her head on his arm and my dad gives me a loving smile, much like the ones he used to give me when I was little and Rio and I had fought.

“Are you gonna talk to Harry?”

“Who even told you his name?” I frowned.

Coco chuckles but shrugs and I know I can trust her.

“Your mum did.”

“What? That woman!”

“She feels like she has to. You guys live with her so I miss out on a lot. I tell her about Rio’s dates too.”

“You guys are the nosiest divorced parents I have ever seen.”

He smirks and shrugs.

“I know my opinion doesn’t really count-”

“Of course it counts.” I interrupt him. “It always has.”

“I’m a very wise man, that’s true.” He nods, agreeing with me. “But I don’t know what happened with the guy and if he’s not respecting you he should be in prison but your mum says you were happy.” He shrugs. “And I want you to be happy. Anyway, it’s your call. I trust you, Berry.”

“He’s no one.” I shake my head. “I still love Dylan.”

“No one’s doubting that.” My dad frowns. “But you’ll always love Dylan. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be alone forever, Berry.”

Then what does it mean? I frown and take a deep breath and then my Dad starts giving love advises to Coco too. I think the painkillers are turning him into a mushy version of Hitch.

We say our goodbye after some more love power speech on his part and then Jason walks in to say goodbye and thank my Dad for his hospitality even despite his illness. My friend promises he’ll be back on his way out and after hugging Rio, the three of us make our way back to the car.

Mum’s on the kitchen when Coco and I get back. She only went to Spain for five days this time. Over some homemade biscuits, we tell her pretty much everything about our week with dad, saving the bits about the love advises for Coco even though we’re not fully trusting Dad either on keeping Guido a secret from Mum.

I don’t realize the time that passes by until Mum gets a call and Coco runs upstairs.

“There’s something for you on your desk.” Mum says walking outside of the kitchen with her phone already against her ear. “A very handsome, very regretful delivery man brought it over.”

My jaw clenches. Oh, no, no, no. I basically run upstairs to my room. Huffing and puffing, I reach my desk and open the cardboard box on it. They are notes and books and manuals about Medicine. There’s Paediatric Psychiatry, Preventive Care, Forensics, Cardiology, Abdominal Surgery, Emergency…

Still with the books on my hand and after having taken some deep breaths, I dial Harry’s number. He picks up on the first tone.

“Hi.”

“Did you come over to my house while I was away?”

He doesn’t say anything and I can’t hear any background noise. He must be in the library or alone in his room. Maybe he’s peacefully smoking weed.

“I wanted to leave the notes on your porch but your mum saw me and opened the door for me.”

“And you just came in inside?”

“It would have been rude not to.”

“You could have told her that you smoke weed. I guarantee she would have not invited you in then.”

He sighs on the other end.

“Why did you anyway? I didn’t even ask you for these stupid notes.”

“I knew it’d get you mad.”

“And why in the world would you want to get me mad?”

“So you would talk to me.”

And it worked. I take a deep breath and relax my own hand. I hadn’t realized it was on a fist but Harry seems to have develop a new talent at making me furious. And I’m furious because he’s already softening me. His voice doesn’t sound teasing or amused but desperate and that’s turning me into a weak mushy teddy bear. This manipulative behaviour is not what I signed up for.

“You can come pick them up. I’ll leave them on the door.”

My mum tries to stop me as I struggle with the fucking heavy box downstairs but I just warn both her and Coco that no one is opening the door for Harry in this household. Coco nods and Mum frowns but before she can ask me and I can scold her for telling dad, Coco takes her to the kitchen with the promise that she would explain. I don’t care what she tells her anymore.

Not twenty minutes later though, they’re calling for me downstairs. They’re going Christmas shopping. I’d have to get paid, lots of money, to go out in this winter weather and get inside a crowded store with capitalist people buying things they don’t need for people they don’t love.

When have I turned into the Grinch?

The bell rings. I feel like a crazy person, sitting on the last steps of our staircase and staring at the door. But I don’t move at all. The bell rings again and through the silence of my empty house, I hear Harry cursing on the other side of the door at my lack of response.

“Indie, please, I made it all the way here. Can you please just open the door?”

I don’t move, I don’t make a sound. I think he’ll finally think I’m not home if I don’t answer. But then my phone rings and it’s not on silence mode and fuck my plan.

“Come on, Indie. Don’t act like a baby.”

“You’re the one who keeps harassing me.”

I stand up and walk closer to the closed door.

“I just want us to talk like adults.”

“You’re more like a teenager.”

I hear him sigh through the door and only then realize how close I am standing now.

“About that. I want to talk about that, baby. Come on, open the door.”

“How many times did you come over to my house?”

“Two.” He confesses. See the problem is, I don’t know whether I can believe him now. “I came over the first day I texted you so we could talk but you weren’t home and then I came over to give you the notes. I’m not taking them back with me, just so you know. They’re for you.”

“I don’t want them.” I fight. “And how did you know I was with my dad?”

Seconds of silence pass and I’m afraid he’s just grown tired and left. I tiptoe to the door and hold my breath as I look through the peephole. I can only see half of his chest, his right shoulder and a tangled mess of curls as he looks down at his feet. God, I’ve missed him.

“Adam told me.”

I feel the anger claiming its place back on my body. My throat tightens and my fists clench again. I can’t believe him. He’s as nosy as Harry is and the worst thing is, he’s learnt this from Marie. I want to tell her, that he might have been fucking using her like a source of info, playing the journalist with her, and I want to know everything she’s told him too.

“What is he, your secret agent? I can’t believe you would threaten me and Marie and it was just because you thought we were as low as you two. How can you be so cruel?”

“Adam likes Marie.” He stops me there. “Don’t call that into question because of me. I’ll admit I’ve taken advantage of it but don’t throw Adam into this.”

“Is that why he texted her? So you could know my whereabouts?”

“No, of course not! He was dying to talk to her. I just encouraged him to do so a little.”

“And you dare to try to take credit? You’re a maniac.”

“Can you just open the door, Indie? This is ridiculous.” He sounds tired.

“What in the world makes you think I want to listen to anything it is you think you have to say?”

His silence proves me right. He doesn’t know how to answer that because there is no reason for me to listen to him. Even if the base of our relationship was just sexual, he’s always claimed not to lie so he should have told me, especially after learning about Dylan, that he had a car accident too. I am not quite sure why that would change things, I don’t even think it would have, but it’s the fucking lie. I feel like he was just making fun of me while fucking me when he felt like it.

Plus, the weed. It’s plain painful to try to decipher out of all the times we’ve been together when he was high and when he wasn’t.

I get it then. That time he came looking for me to the club and I thought he was suffering an anxiety attack. I rest my back against the door. It wasn’t anxiety, it was drugs, or the lack of them.

“You’re closer.”

“What?”

“You’re right on the other side. You were standing farther away before.”

“Indie…”

Don’t call me that.

“Indie, don’t hate me.”

A single tear rolls down my cheek. I feel like I’m choking but this time it’s not because I don’t understand. This time it’s fear. It’s fear because I know perfectly well what I’m feeling.

My phone rings again but I still rest my back against the door. For all I know it might be him too. It rings again.

“Stop calling me.” I whisper.

“It’s not me.”

My dad. I all but jump from the door and climb the stairs like a mad woman. When I get there, I see Marie’s name on the screen though. I pick up still puffing.

“Hi.”

“Eh… Hi! Are you… Were you busy?”

“No” I decide “I just came running upstairs. I thought it could be my dad.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Sorry about that. How is he, by the way?”

“He’s fine. Rio’s taking good care of him.”

“Nice. You know you can talk to any of us if you need anything.”

“Yes, I know. Thank you. Anyway, what’s up?”

“Uh, not much.” I can hear her smile through the phone. “I just missed you, really and… Adam’s over for tea so I was just wondering if you’d like to join us and have a cuppa or something so we could catch up. Ollie’s still in France so the house is a little lonely.”

I stay quiet for a while but then I shut my eyes and agree to go. I can feel my social anxiety making its way back to me and I can’t let it win. It’s okay to force yourself to go out sometime, I can almost hear doctor Mackenzie talking in my head, but remember ´normal´ is just statistics.

I make my way downstairs but Harry’s gone. I open the door anyway, stupidly hoping he’s sitting down on the swing Coco insisted on setting on the porch. She said our chances of finding a Noah of our own were bigger if we had a swing on the porch.

He’s nowhere to be found but the cardboard box with his notes is still where I left it. I take it inside, with this cold humid weather I’m sure the sheets would bend and I hate when that happens.

I play with my phone between my hands. Should I text him? No, I shouldn’t. I came so far as not opening the door for him, why would I text him now? To say what? He’s not texting me either. I hope nothing’s wrong. What do I mean I hope nothing’s wrong? Everything is wrong! He lied to me and then he took advantage of my friend to learn my whereabouts when I clearly did not want him to know them.

Even the hall already smells like cinnamon and chocolate when she opens the door. She wears a grey woollen dress and her legs are covered under black and white polka dots tights. Her hair is up on a bun that makes her look like some sort of sugar fairy.

“I love your outfit.” I tell her.

“Thank you. I can get carried away at Christmas, everyone’s too happy to criticize you.”

I roll my eyes and chuckle.

“I wish you wouldn’t care about other people’s opinion during other times of the year too.”

She stares into my eyes and smiles.

“One step at a time, Indie.”

I snort a laugh and walk inside as she moves aside. Michael Bublé’s Christmas playlist wraps around us and I entertain my eyes with the little Christmas decorations she’s set on the apartment. It’s no more than an stuffed Elf, a teddy of Winnie The Pooh dressed up as Santa and some Christmas balls and lights on the house plant they have on their living room.

“Hey there, Indie.” Adams gives me an apologetic smile.

Did Harry already told him I know that he was the one feeding him my personal info? Why do the two of them act like mean girls? I decide, for Marie’s sake, not to give him a hard time over this. He’s Harry’s friend and he chose his side. I can respect that. I just won’t trust him but hey, he got himself there.

“Hi, Adam. How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you.” He grins. “How are you?”

“Good.” Been better.

“Santa left something for you under the tree.” Marie’s voice ends the small talk.

I roll my eyes before I see it. There’s a little something wrapped on Christmas themed paper right on the ficus pot. I give her a reprimanding look but she just shrugs and smiles.

“He didn’t have to.”

I bend over to pick it up and open it effortlessly. She’s terrible at wrapping shit. It’s a red lipstick from Dior.

“It literally costed him nothing.” She defends herself.

“Thank you.”

She smiles and has a sip of her hot chocolate and I keep the lipstick on my bag before I take a seat on the living room table. There are homemade cinnamon rolls and cookies on it and Adam just placed a cup of hot chocolate before me.

“Thank you.”

He nods and takes a seat himself, leaving Marie the chair next to me. We talk about my Dad and about their Christmas and I find myself laughing along with Adam quite a lot. His sense of humour reminds of Harry’s and I feel a flash of pain on my chest when I imagine how this evening snack would go if he was here. I wonder whether he’d share about his Christmas dinner with us too or whether he would just stay quiet and mess with us.

I see Adam standing up from the table and walking towards the kitchen, bringing his phone to his ear and then I get out of a trance I didn’t know I was in.

“Are you okay, Indie?”

“Yes.” I nod. “Yes, I was just… Out of it… For some reason.”

A few seconds of silence follow and I can hear Adam’s muffled voice as he calmly speaks on the phone in the kitchen. His voice is very deep too, even though it’s not as calming as Harry’s.

“Are we okay?”

I frown staring at her.

“Of course, why wouldn’t we be?”

She shrugs.

“I don’t know… I’ve been stressing myself out a little, to be honest.”

“What about?”

“Well… You know after what happened with Harry and all that… I’ve been texting Adam and… We went on a date a couple days ago… I was just wondering… I mean if that makes you uncomfortable, I can stop seeing him.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, he’s Harry’s friend and I met him through you.” She shrugs. “Plus, I don’t know whether I can really trust him.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… Harry did lie to you. Why would he be different? Maybe he does drugs too and I don’t want that in my life.”

I sigh.

“I can find out.” I shrug. “Or better, you could. Ask him.”

Her brown eyes set into mine. I don’t like this. I don’t want Marie to throw this away because of me and I don’t want to be weak enough so that my friends have to be careful with their own relationships so as not to hurt me. I am not like that. Have I seriously become so selfish?

“Adam seems like a nice guy, Marie.” I shrug. I reckon this is the time to tell her. “Although… Harry confessed to me that he had known I was at my Dad’s through Adam.”

“I know.” She looks remorseful. “Adam told me.”

I feel made fun of all over again.

“I… We were on the phone and we ended up talking about Harry and you and… He talked to me about Harry, like pretty real shit, so I trusted him that I could do the same. He asked me whether he could tell Harry you were at your Dad’s.”

“And you said yes?”

Now, I wasn’t expecting this. I feel like I want to cry. It’s three on one?

“Jason said you were pretty sad.”

“I wasn’t.”

“I think you still are, Indie.”

“I am not.”

Marie stays quiet. She looks down at the cookie plate and I know she’s waiting for me to calm down. Sometimes she acts like a teacher, like one of those who just stand still in complete silence before a messy class until the students keep quiet on their own. I look away from her.

“Before you called, he was at my place.” I tell her. “Did you know that already?”

She shakes her head. She’s probably the last person I should talk about this with but she’s also the only one who’s here now. It’s weird how I feel- just because he did what I asked him to I feel like he’s given up on us. On us? It might be for the best because it was absurd, we wouldn’t have gotten around the corner, but… I guess part of me doesn’t want him to let go.

“I mean I didn’t let him in. I didn’t want to see him.” I lie. “But then he left and I didn’t want him to go.”

Marie frowns.

“Did you want him to just stay out there freezing?”

I shake my head.

“I don’t know what I want, Marie.”

She sighs.

“Oh, God. Do you like him? And by that I mean, do you have feelings for him?”

I sigh but stay quiet.

“You’re not in love with him, are you?” Her brown eyes widen.

“No!”

Only her could have gotten there. I am sad because I feel used and lied to and made fun of, not because I love him. She raises her eyebrows as if she was not convinced.

“You did see each other a lot… Like lovers…”

I munch on my cookie, thinking.

“Well, we sort of were, weren’t we?”

Her eyes widen and her eyebrows raise on her forehead as she stares into my thoughtful ones.

“A lover is someone who loves” She shrugs. “just like a singer is someone who sings.”

“That’s one definition…”

“What’s the other?”

I sigh. What is the other? What was Harry to me? Definitely not someone I loved…

“Well then we weren’t lovers.” I shake my head. “We were… We were…”

“Friends with benefits.” She offers.

Not quite.

“We were not really friends either…”

She smiles despite her furrowed lips and steals the other half of my cookie from my hand. I give her a begging gaze. I feel like I’m on therapy.

“Complicated, huh? I think it’s normal that you don’t want him to stop chasing you though.”

“Really?”

“Yes, we all like to be chased every now and then.” She smiles.

“You talked about this with Ollie and Jason, didn’t you?” I accuse.

She smiles and shrugs. I chuckle but don’t ask to know what they said.

“What did Adam tell you about Harry?”

“What he wants to tell you himself.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“I think you should let him tell you himself.”

“And what did you tell Adam about me? I think that I have the right to know.”

“I don’t have the right to tell your story, of course, but I explained to him why it was so terrible to you that Harry was high that night.”

I hide my face between my hands and grunt. I don’t want to keep doing this; talking about Harry, thinking about Dylan… It’s like nobody dares to say his name out loud and it feels terrible to think people have just gone on with their lives as if Dylan did never die, as if it was okay a world without him. I swallow and take a deep breath before I look back at Marie.

“You can tell him what you want to. I’m not ashamed of him.”

She frowns and her jaw clenches. At least she seems to be offended at my accusation.

“Neither am I. The reason I didn’t tell him was not embarrassment, Indie. I just felt like I would have been telling something you should have, if you ever wanted to.”

I hold her gaze and I decide to believe her when she doesn’t look away. Then I sigh again, because that’s all I seem to know how to do now and cover her hand with mine over the table.

“You can go out with whoever the fuck you want, Marie. Even if it was Harry himself, I wouldn’t have any right to tell you not to.”

“I would never go out with Harry.” She horrifies and I chuckle.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend.” We both laugh. “You’re smarter than that… But, seriously, I’m happy you’re happy and if Adam means happy then… He’s welcome to stay around as long as you want him to.”

As if on cue, he appears through the door but stands still looking at us with blue eyes wide opened.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“No, we were just talking shit about you.” I joke.

He laughs and nods.

“Then nothing new.”

Marie’s grinning at him as he sits back down next to her. I imagine they did these cookies together. I imagine them baking, Adam getting Marie’s nose covered in flour, my friend giggling and pretending to be pissed at him. When he notices he’s being watched, he places his hand on her knee and she all but melts.

Marie’s phone rings and this time it’s her who gets up from the table.

“It’s Ollie.” She explains.

Bringing the phone to her ear, she walks towards her room. It seems to me that this is a set up. First, they call Adam so Marie and I could have a conversation and now they call her and I feel like he’s going to take advantage of it and ask me shit about her now.

“So how is your dad?”

“He’s fine but you already know that.”

“What?” He frowns.

I shake my head and look away, having a sip from my hot chocolate and expecting him to get I do not particularly want to talk. I am not mad at him. It wouldn’t make any sense to be mad at him. But I felt outnumbered. Harry has his own spy. All I get is Marie and her high standards.

“He’s truly sorry, you know.”

I glare at him.

“Don’t you have enough being his ears? Now you’re his voice too?”

He sighs and his lips set into a thin line.

“I’m sorry, Indie.” He shrugs. “But he’s my friend and… I just think he has the right to explain himself.”

“The right? Well, this isn’t a courthouse. And am I not the one who should decide that?”

“I guess yes.” His eyebrows raise on his forehead but he nods. “I’m just… I haven’t seen Harry like this in… Years.”

“I think he’s upset half the time and it has little to do with me.”

“I meant happy.”

I look up at him and find his eyes waiting for me to do that.

“You know, when I asked Marie about you, the first time-”

“You were taking advantage of her.” I accuse.

“Hardly.” He frowns. “I was more taking advantage of you, I mean of your situation… I used you as a pretext to start a conversation with her because I suck at this but besides that, I was also worried about you.”

“You don’t know me. Why would you worry about me?”

“You’re one of Marie’s best friends and you’re also friends with Harry. It’s hard for me not to care about the people my beloved ones care about.”

“I’m not friends with Harry.” I make clear.

“I think you are, at least to him you are, and he really needs one.”

“Why? He’s got you, doesn’t he? And you’ve proven to be extremely loyal.”

“Well, yeah, I’m his friend. Always have, always will. But he doesn’t have feelings for me.” He shrugs.

“He doesn’t have feelings for me either.” I frown.

“He cares about you.” He promises. “A lot.”

“I… Then why did he lie to me?”

“That’s exactly what he wants to tell you!”

I look away from him. I’m setting this on a silver platter for him to make a speech about how important would be for me to listen to Harry and his junkie’s excuses.

“Are you so scared to see him that you won’t even open the door for him?”

The way he patiently waits for my answer and how many things he’s shared about his family with us invite me to open up for some reason. It’s strange, but it’s happening to me the same thing that happen with Gemma. I guess there must be a connection between people who have been on car accidents. Even if I haven’t been on one, I’ve faced the consequences and somehow I feel as if we spoke our own language.

“What if I am?”

“God, you both are idiots.”

“Excuse me?”

“You like him and he likes you but here you are denying the obvious. I don’t get it.”

“This is very painful for me. Marie told me you already know what happened to Dylan. How can you not get that?”

He looks sorrowful and regretful but I don’t care. I’ve had enough of everybody’s insensitive asses thinking they can tell me how I feel and how I don’t.

“I looked up to him. I really did. I thought… He was this… Interesting, kind, intelligent man and finding out he did drugs was just… It’s so disappointing. It just… It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t square with the Harry I thought I knew so I guess I just don’t know him like I thought I did. And… After everything the fucking weed took away from me I… I think I’m entitled to feel this way. I’m entitled to be angry and sad and frustrated and I should hate him, but I can’t and that’s what I don’t understand.”

I am frowning, deeply, but my frown impossibly tightens when I think I hear him buffing a silent laugh.

“Did that seem funny to you?”

“Talk to him, Indie.”

I take a deep breath and look down at the table. I try my best to pay attention to the conversation despite my busy mind. It feels a little weird to be sitting in the table with these two. I feel like their kid or something.

Walking outside Marie’s apartment right before dinner, my shoulder bumps with one of her neighbours but when I look up, I recognize those green eyes and that mop of curly hair.

“Indie.”

“I was just leaving.”

But his hand wraps around my arm.

“Please.”

I stop on my tracks and look at him. The sooner I listen to him, the sooner he’ll leave me alone. Which is why I haven’t yet listened to him.

“Let me drive you home.”

“I was going to take an uber.”

His green eyes beg for a chance and I’m too tired to deny it. I sigh and purse my lips.

“Did Adam told you I was here?”

“Yes, but I didn’t come because of that. I wasn’t even going to go upstairs, I was just leaving Adam’s prescription on the mailbox. I was at the hospital and Marie’s apartment is pretty much on my way home.”

“Okay.”

I follow him towards his car and even though I don’t know him as well as I thought, I can tell he’s nervous. His shoulders are tensed and his jaw is clenched and he’s uncharacteristically quiet. I want to tell him it’s just me, but I think that’s what’s tensing him.

The drive is silence. He doesn’t say anything and I have nothing to say to him. When we arrived to my house, my sister’s car isn’t on the lane but the light on the porch is on so my Mum must be home.

“I’m listening.” I encourage him to begin as I sit still on the passenger’s seat.

“I was high because the more lorazepam I have, the more I have to take to be able to sleep so I really need to save those for sleeping and if I hadn’t had something on my system I couldn’t have stood seeing my sister turning 31 on a wheelchair because that’s my fault, Bl-Indie, and I know I should have told you. I just didn’t know how.” He sighs. “It’s… I didn’t want you to know that about me. It was nice not to be the guy who almost killed his sister and his best friend on a car crash when I was with you.”

“Were you high the night of the accident?”

My voice comes out as a whisper and I realize then how terrified I am of his answer.

“No.” He horrifies.

His green eyes have darkened and he looks like he’s the owner of regret, like he was some sort of mythological God for remorse and guilt and he was the dealer of it for human kind. It’s contagious, the sadness he’s holding back.

“I would never… No, God, no. I… I fell asleep.” He sighs.

I feel like a wall of sorrow is falling on top of me. It’s a wall I built myself too so with every brick there’s an amount of time of work I put into it. I’ve been trying to push him away and up until this moment, this invisible wall was between us, right on top of the gear, but now that it’s falling, it’s like I can really see him again.

I feel so unfair and the fact that I, out of all people, do this makes it even worse. How many times have I wished for people to stop acting as if they could ever understand what it feels like to lose the one you love over the night?

“We shared a car, Gemma and I.” He starts and I know what’s happening.

He’s uncorking himself. I wonder if he’s ever talked about this with someone and I feel all the pressure and the responsibility in the world to be a good listener for him. I want to do every little thing I wish my listeners would have done and I sure as hell don’t want to cry so I shift on my seat and I face him and I try to relax my position so he knows I’m comfortable and ready for an hour or two to pass if he needs to. He swallows.

“She was driving that night or she was supposed to but she was at party and Adam and I had gone to a concert and at around 10 pm Michal called me and told me Gemma was pretty drunk so I had to drive. I had had a few pints but like hours prior and didn’t drink anything else but I was just… Tired. I had just got into university and I was studying a lot and I guess the pints also… But yeah, I just fell asleep for like a second and next thing I know my sister’s yelling and the lights of a truck blind me and we’re out of the road.”

He isn’t looking at me then. Instead he’s looking out of the windshield and keeps swallowing as if that would break down the lump on his throat. I sigh and climb on my own seat, resting my weight on my knees so I can better reach him and then my arms wrap around his shoulders.

I am not mad anymore and I don’t care if I hadn’t stood my ground for long enough or if I hadn’t made my point correctly. I just don’t want to be mad forever. When people say it’s easier to hate than to love, I always think that it’s easier to start doing it but at least for me it’s not easier hating than loving. Loving feels good, for the most part of it, but hating takes a lot of effort and it usually comes from my belly and my throat and it tenses my shoulder and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be mad now. With Harry, what comes natural to me it’s not this. It’s not bad.

“I don’t want you to pity me, Indie.”

“Don’t call me Indie.”

I pull away from him so I can stare into his eyes and I hate the weight it lifts from my sternum.

“I am so sorry for what happened to you and for just pulling you away like that without giving you a chance to explain yourself but…”

“I get it, love.” My heartbeat speeds up at the nickname. “I should have told you. It was selfish and coward of me not to but what can I say? I am selfish and coward.” He shrugs.

“I don’t really think you are.” I look down at my thighs. “I have my own shed of secrets too.”

He waits patiently for me to open the door of my shed of secrets and let him in but I don’t have his strength, I know I would go down a road of depression and self-torture if I open that drawer so instead I just look up into his eyes and try to give him a small smile.

He hasn’t really cried and I wondered if he just has an auto-pilot for this like I had in the months after Dylan passed away. I would reply to every condolence in the same manner and it was like I had some sliding cape over me so that everybody’s words would actually slipped right over.

“Why me?”

“What?”

“Yeah, why do you… Tell me all this? Why did you basically follow me around until I listened to you?”

His green eyes frantically move between mine and he just stays quiet. I feel like I’ve been here before but it wasn’t in this car and his eyes weren’t green and I was still a kid. I hold his gaze but my eyebrows give my fear away as they furrow.

He’s never looked at me like that before and I think he knows too because his Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows a lump that seems to weight down on his lungs just the one I’m trying to swallow myself.

“Because I can’t get enough of you.”

I let out the air I didn’t know I was holding and then my eyes shut and I’m back on my seat.

“You will someday.”

I look out of the window. I don’t want him to see me disappointed. It’s like my emotions know what’s going on before my brain does and so I wonder if there’s really some sort of soul on us that control what we’re feeling despite our better judgement. I think that’s the only that would explain how torn apart I am by all of this.

“Do you always do that?” He whispers so I look at him with a unsaid question on my lips. “Push those who care about you away?”

“You don’t care about me.”

He smirks but it’s the saddest expression I’ve ever seen him wear.

“Of course I do. I care about you a lot.”

My chest gets mad at me for not giving in what my body is so desperately trying to tell him but I keep my mouth shut and set my eyes on the dark outside his window.

“And I know you care about me too.”

His hand reaches for my knee and he rests it there without hesitation. My muscles relax and I hate that my body reacts like this to him.

“I won’t smoke again. But, please, forgive me.”

“How often do you smoke? And since when?”

“I barely smoke anything. I started smoking about a year after the accident. I… uh… I went to therapy, obviously, because well I just… It was pretty bad… But then I met this girl, her name was Eve, and she had weed in like cookies and brownies and stuff because she had cancer and… I had some with her and it just… It made me feel nothing, you know? But before that all I felt was pain so it was a nice change.”

“What happened to Eve?”

He’s surprised by my question. I don’t know why I asked that, I don’t know Eve but it just kind of slipped my lips.

“She passed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, she wasn’t afraid.”

“And how do I know you won’t smoke again?”

“Because I’m telling you.”

“You’ve lied to me before.”

“I haven’t lied, I just haven’t told you everything. Hiding is not the same as lying. Otherwise, you’ll be a liar yourself, Blue, and I don’t think you are.”

“Of course I am, everybody lies.”

He sighs. I’m making this hard for him but it’s hard for me too. It’s only fair.

“If we get rid of that stupid rule of us, you can just find someone else to fuck. We both know you won’t have a problem with that.”

“But I don’t want someone else.”

Headlights illuminate Harry’s car and blind us. Coco’s car pulls over at the door and she squints as she tries to figure out who the hell is sitting on the car on our porch. She gets out her phone as she walks inside the house and my phone vibrates.

“I gotta go.”

“Alright.” He nods. “Thank you for giving me a chance to explain myself.”

This time it’s me who nods before I open the door of the passenger’s seat. When I walk home, I do it very slowly and only then realize how exhausted I am. I don’t hear the wheels of his car driving away until the front door is shut after me.

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