#what are you even referencing. what year was the post that made you mad written in.

[blackwaxidol]

So do you have an example of how us peasants could catch out terfs without shinigami eyes or are we all supposed to be as psychic as you lol

?

[motions1ckn3ss]

'I Cannot Heave My Heart Into My Mouth’: Shakespeare and Alice Winn’s In Memoriam

or, an academic blog post i wrote for an english literature assignment as part of my shakespeare module at uni. a huge thank you to @jovienna for proofreading and providing the most helpful suggestions, i'm very proud of this piece and i just got the mark back for it today and i received a 2:1! enjoy :)

‘But since she pricked thee out for women’s pleasure, / Mine be thy love and thy love’s use their treasure’ (Shakespeare 13-14): a declaration of queer love, not just in Shakespeare’s Sonnet 20, but also in Alice Winn’s debut novel In Memoriam, published in 2023. Throughout the novel, the character of Ellwood quotes various poems with famously homoerotic undertones as a way of professing his love for Gaunt, a fellow student at the boarding school they attend, in an era of repression and illegality concerning homosexuality. The works of Shakespeare become some of the most notable amongst this number.

Shakespeare’s Sonnet 20 depicts desire for a man that he cannot have. The love interest of the poem, being a man, must be for the pleasure of women only, as Nature has decided. As the closing lines express, all Shakespeare can offer the man is his own love. The meaning of these lines are certainly not lost on Ellwood, and to the regret of the poet-speaker who is resigned to Platonic love (Mahony 70), writes them ‘in pencil on the wall above Gaunt’s bed, and Gaunt had hoped they meant something.’ (Winn 42).

Despite this, Gaunt refuses to let himself believe this possibility, though Ellwood assumes that he simply does not reciprocate his feelings – ‘anyway, Gaunt already knew that Ellwood loved him. Because of the sonnets.’ (Winn 113). More than three hundred years after the publication of his sonnets, Shakespeare’s words connect with Ellwood and provide him with an outlet. Ellwood deliberately selects Sonnet 20 to ensure Gaunt knows of his love in a way that stops him ‘going completely mad and confessing wild, undying love for him, which he knew would have made Gaunt extremely uncomfortable.’ (Winn 113). Shakespeare puts pen to paper to write of his own unrequited love for another man, and Ellwood follows in his footsteps.

These closing lines of Sonnet 20 are not the only writings of Shakespeare referenced in In Memoriam, with King Lear arguably creating an even more heartfelt moment between the two men. The First World War, in all its tragedy, does bring Ellwood and Gaunt together, with the two only acting on their desires amidst the ‘hyper-masculine atmosphere of war’ (Winn 120). Following their honourable discharge from the army, the two move to Brazil together to live in relative safety. Ellwood suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, and as a result of this no longer recites poems as he used to, unable to see the joy and meaning in doing so after seeing what one man can do to another in the name of war. Without his poetry as a means of expression, Ellwood struggles to express his emotions and the love he feels for Gaunt, leaving us with the heart-wrenching lines ‘some long-dead poet must have written the lines with which to answer, but Ellwood no longer knew them.’ (Winn 342).

And yet it is the words of Shakespeare, a long-dead poet, which Ellwood utilises to convey the sincerity and weight of his emotion to Gaunt when he feels a simple ‘I love you’ would not suffice. Frustrated with his own inability, Ellwood evokes the words of Cordelia, Lear’s daughter, so that Gaunt knows it is not a lack of love which prevents him from speaking.

‘Ellwood grimaced and shook his head, clearly frustrated. “No, Henry, I,” he said, “I – I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.” Gaunt stared at him. Ellwood looked just as shocked as he was. “Shakespeare,” said Ellwood. “King Lear.”’ (Winn 375)

‘Can it be that Cordelia’s emotion silences her at a moment when it is vital that she should speak?... Can it be that the quality and weight of her love drives her to understatement and to brusqueness?’ (Morris 141). Ivor Morris’s reasoning for Cordelia’s words ring true not just for the context of King Lear, but also for the final pages of In Memoriam. Much like Cordelia, it is not a lack of love which leaves Ellwood speechless, but an abundance of it. Throughout his adolescence, Ellwood finds solace and comfort in Shakespeare’s sonnets, quoting his words to convey his emotion when his own will not suffice. Following the tragedies the war has brought the pair and the world alike, Ellwood turns from these romantic poems to a tragic play in order to suitably express this shift in his feelings. Witnessing the horrors of war has changed him fundamentally as a person, and yet the works of Shakespeare, alongside his unwavering love for Gaunt, remain a constant in his life.

Works Cited

Mahony, Patrick. “Shakespeare’s Sonnet Number 20: Its Symbolic Gestalt.” American Imago, vol. 36, no. 1, 1979, pp. 69-79.

Morris, Ivor. “Cordelia and Lear.” Shakespeare Quarterly, vol. 8, no. 2, 1957, pp. 141-158.

Shakespeare, William. “Sonnet 20: A woman’s face, with Nature’s own hand painted.” The Sonnets and A Lover’s Complaint, Penguin Classics, 2009, p. 22.

Winn, Alice. In Memoriam. Penguin Books, 2023.

[respectthepetty]

Hi @respectthepetty, what were your top 5 colour moments in bl/ql this year?

Thank you.

@blogiamgoingmad, this is a tough one because I love all the colors I get regardless of how they come to me. In fact, I love color so much, I've written about the best visual narratives in two other posts:

Top 5 - Color-Coded Storytelling in BLs

Reading the (Visual) Rainbow Awards

So for this ask, I made sure to not pick the same moments listed in the other two posts, and this list includes unfinished shows as long as the "color moment" happened in 2023.

Top Five Color Moments of 2023

Honorable Mention: 7 Days Before Valentine - Dark Descent

Since the show isn't finished, and I know Q is going to be completely black before the end, I'm greatly enjoying seeing him get darker and darker each episode as he erases another person from existence at Sun's request.

Even though the lighting still shines brighter on him than Sun, I don't think that is going to last much longer, especially because I think Sun is going to ask Q to erase him which will cause Q to be the darkest he has been. I'm smiling too much at the mere thought of this to be sane, but this is a great visual narrative that I want to see more shows use consistently.

#5 - GAP - Tickled Pink

I love color exchanges (where a character wears the other character's color to show they are in love), but Sam, a Black Brooder, took her sweet ass time wearing Mon's pink in GAP. I was Kirby holding a knife outside her house all season waiting for Sam to prove that she loved Mon by simply wearing Mon's pink.

The last episode was upon us, and I needed to know if Sam was finally going to commit to Mon's pink; then, Idol Factory announced the finale would not be released on streaming platforms until after a paid screening. I was mad, but I'm a pirate by blood, so I watched an unsubbed version, saw Sam wearing pink as her WEDDING DRESS, and forgive Idol Factory for its season of color frustration because if the wedding didn't tell us Sam was committed to her Pink Person, the pink wedding dress sure the hell did.

#4 - Bed Friend - The Blue Light

Uea was great at communicating boundaries with King in Bed Friend, and King was even better abiding by them. So in the second episode, after taking Uea to go get tested after they had sex, King asked Uea to try a bed friends situation out, to which Uea said okay, but then avoided King. Blue Boy King (actually bi-colored) drove Red Rascal Uea home and put him on the spot asking Uea to make a decision as they waited at the red light with the countdown flashing: If Uea said "yes," they would go to King's condo, and if Uea said nothing, he would take Uea straight home. Then, Uea GAVE HIM THE GREEN BLUE LIGHT.

This light was blue instead of green which leaned into the color coding, but it was perfectly timed with Uea opening himself up to the possibility of something more with King. The light changing was a symbolic moment, and it was beautiful.

#3 - Last Twilight - Pink Milk

This series isn't finished, but I hope it continues to give me Mork in pink shirts because pink = 💗love💗, and this is the perfect homage to a BL tradition. Pink milk is a BL staple, but wasn't used that much in 2023. Only Friends referenced it, but Last Twilight purchased real estate in BL Land with its ode to it. Day and Mork had a nice day out together where Day purchased that bright ass pink shirt for Mork after Mork claimed it was too pink like Pink Milk for him to ever wear. Then, after losing each other on a busy street, Mork put on the bright pink shirt so Day could see him and hasn't stopped wearing pink since.

Mork fell first. He fell harder. And we don't need pink milk to know he is a member of the rainbow community. He has pink shirts to let us and Day see him for who he is - a man in love with another man.

#2 - Moonlight Chicken - Alan's Glow Up

Alan was in his feelings for most of his part in Moonlight Chicken. He was still in love with Wen and trying to make it work living with him, but Wen was done done. He was upset that Wen was seeing someone else. He broke a limb being drunk over Wen! He was sad, cold, and alone. Then, he spoke to Jim at the funeral after speaking with Kaipa, and he seemed to brighten up a bit.

Alan's color continued to brighten and become warmer as the series came to a close due to a combination of realizing Wen had really moved on, and that he, too, could do the same.

I won't give his newfound "friendship' with Kaipa all the credit because I truly think being friends with his ex and friendly with his ex's new boyfriend is what really warmed Alan up. Knowing he had a community, which was a theme in the series, was the support Alan needed to glow up.

#1 - The Eighth Sense - Monochrome Metro

This moment actually belongs to @how-to-be-a-tree who brought it to my attention, but Jae Won was color coded black and dark while Ji Hyun was a colorful and light person. When they went on their not-date-date, as they sat opposite of each other on the metro, their sides of the empty metro car reflected their respective color coding.

A few people in the reblogs and tags pointed out it was the BL version of the above meme, but it truly was a moment of pure awe that the show went as far as to color edit the seats to reinforce the story being told. Jae Won wasn't magically a lighter person simply being around Ji Hyun. He was still dark, and it wouldn't be until the end of the series that Jae Won actually became a bit lighter because HE was finally ready for change, which speaks volumes about depression and mental health.

Bonus: Jeff Satur x SHAUN's "Steal the Show"

Because it was gay (canon to me), color coded, and beautiful!

[breitweisergallery]

So you said you were working on a few wips...talk to me. Tell me everything

okay okay okay okay so (pulls up the last time i referenced any of my wips to remember what i even posted about)

Original WIPs:

Since I just started working on it tonight. I'm taking a playwriting class this semester so I started working on what will be my end-of-the-semester project (the semester starts tuesday) because I already know what my project is going to be. It doesn't have a title yet, but it is going to return to my roots of leaving two actors on a stage basically going through emotional hell as their stories intertwine in the form of interrogations (gotta love a barebones interrogation room scene on a barely lit stage).

"#WhatHappenedToTennysonBeatty" is (hopefully) going to be the project I focus on moving forwards with my fiction courses. It's written in script form, as a podcast breaks open and exposes the mystery of a disappearance from ten years previously.

I have a new adult fantasy book I've been working on for a minute too, and I just had a breakthrough literally tonight about it, so I'll probably be working on that on/off as well. The book is split between three major POVS: Felicity 'Fix' Brion (married to a diplomat and maternal figure to her orphaned nephews, in her husband's country following an assassination of her sister-in-law), Roel Devani (former prince, former spymaster, turned war criminal), and Cealin Ecgwine (essentially a priest in the church, escorting what may possibly be an actual god reborn away from his death).

I ALSO have a near-future dystopian book I've been working on in a very on-and-off way that deals with some pretty heavy topics I don't want to super get into. But its got some queers and some magic realism, so that's fun.

TDJ WIPs:

"What if Yohan simply didn't?" I've mentioned it in passing, I think, but it's an AU in which Yohan's plans are waylaid by chronic pain and trauma. Soohyun's meddling ends up with Gaon going to visit the house in which Yohan and Elijah are bottled up, and though initially the Kangs are both cold to him, it takes very little for them to warm up to Gaon.

"????" is an Elijah-centric 5+1 of emotions as she experiences them over the course of the show. I know the emotions are 'anger, bitterness, reluctance, hesitation, hope + happiness' but I've written exactly one sentence of it.

"Another ?????" is an exploration of Yohan's trust in Gaon through the eyes of the people around them: K, Jinjoo, Elijah, Jungho, Soohyun, etc.

SFH WIPs:

I can't talk about the SFH WIP for legal reasons (again, I'm a mod of the zine, I know what the topic/theme is gonna be months in advance lmfao)

Critical Role WIPs:

Nicknamed "Tilly" with the working title "regret informs only the living," it jumps between ~C1 and C3, in a world where Percy and Laudna had met as children and did know one another. It jumps between their childhoods, immediately after reclaiming Whitestone, and when Bells Hells bring Laudna to Whitestone to revive her.

Originally nicknamed "Life 5," now its own fic titled "obsessively, incessantly, to a point of suffocation", it's an alternate history in which the Empire made a severe push into Xhorhas as the perfect moment. Asarius falls, and Dens Olios, Thelyss, and Tasithar are captured. The citizens of Asarius are split between four internment camps. Switching POVs between scourger Bren and survivor Essek, it's an alignment flip.

"friends on the other side," also called "Kingsley is Confused™," is immediately post C2, following Kingsley as he tries to piece together some semblance of identity and life, while Mollymauk and Lucien simply do not shut up in his head. It's enough to drive anyone mad, really. But maybe, just maybe, King is smart enough to figure out how to get them out of head and into bodies of their own.

"kindness is a dish best served" is an alternate C2 ending, in which it is Lucien pre-Nonagon who wakes up when the Wildmother brings him back. He lies through his teeth, claiming he doesn't know any of them. Only Caleb (visibly) sees through the lies.

Currently nicknamed "Vesper de Rolo's Very Bad, Not Good Day," it's a retelling of C3, in which Vesper de Rolo is a member of Bells Hells.

Currently only nicknamed "the consecution fic," the only thing I've written is this: 'thirty years after Essek Thelyss of No Den is executed for treason, Lirik Thelyss of Den Thelyss begins to go through anamnesis and realizes he can tell nobody who he truly is.'

And that's not including two 5+1s I'm sitting on for more Thelyss family dynamics because there's something so fun about locking Essek, Verin, and Deirta in a room together and poking them to see what happens.

And, now, lastly. The one I can't forget. "The Fickle Nature of Time's Children," suffering under the weight of my 22k word outline. It's a Caleb/Essek time travel fic with a twist, dealing heavily with themes of depression, a lack of fulfillment and unhappiness, with a massive redemption arc for the Tombtakers because they deserve it.

~

*exhales* okay that's it. Mostly. I have a couple of other original pieces of writing I didn't touch on because I haven't been working on them as much.

[thestoryofaslut]

A Newcomer's Guide to Goncharov

Hi! If you're here (on Tumblr specifically, but on the Internet in general) then there's a pretty good chance that you're seeing info about something called Goncharov. I've done my best to learn as much as I can and I want to present it to you. This is no bullshit, this is the best explanation I have at present.

Recently, the internet has discovered a film called Goncharov.  The movie is from 1973, was directed and co-written by Martin Scorsese, and stars Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Cybill Shepherd, Gene Hackman, and several others in a star studded cast, in a film about Russian mobsters in Naples, Italy.  The movie is very ahead of its time, the film has quite a bit of LGBT subtext, explores themes of cultural identity, has a recurring clock motif and a general theme of being aware of one's own mortality and 'running out of time', and also the internal conflict of choice between spending your life building your legacy versus spending your life actually living your life.  It is regarded as the greatest mafia movie ever made.

The film also, and I cannot possibly stress this enough, doesn't actually exist.

Goncharov is kind of the storytelling equivalent of a flashmob.  The entire thing started back in August when Some Guy On The Internet ordered a set of boots which were supposed to be referencing a 2008 film called Gomorrah.

He got these instead.

Naturally the internet, being what it is, was not going to simply let such a bizarrely specific error like this go untouched and forgotten. 

Fast forward to twelve days ago.  November 10th.  I don't know how or why but the internet suddenly just... descended on this non-existent film like, well, like the opposite of vultures.  Instead of feeding on a dead concept, over the last not even two whole weeks, people have created content for this thing that doesn't exist.  There are now movie posters, soundtracks, some celebrities have talked about their experiences with the film both making and watching it, whole segments of lore and story beats, there's fanfiction based on said lore, falsified IMDb pages with full cast lists...

...I can't make stuff like this up, and I'm actually a writer.  The story has been kind of decided by mass consensus, even where parts of it are contradictory or unclear enough that it's difficult to be specific.  There's a whole post detailing the 'accepted' lore somewhere out there.  Some amateur filmmakers are talking about 'creating' the 1973 cut of the film.  Half the internet has just simultaneously subscribed to this weird collective unreality in which there is a fifty year old film that nobody's ever heard of starring some of the biggest names in film history.  I cannot tell you how much this amuses the hell out of me, both as a writer and also as a Person on the Internet observing the madness from a relatively safe distance.  I honestly don't know what else to say; I don't know if I could possibly say anything more meaningful.  Thousands of people who have never met and may never meet, came together twelve days ago over a set of bootleg boots (a pair of words that continue to amuse me), and collectively created a piece of internet history so much greater than the sum of its parts.  It's insane and beautiful and absolutely one of the strangest two weeks of my entire life. :D

[tayfabe75]

what do you think of wcs x ivy mashup that taylor did? seems like a strange combination

Oh, anon! Much like the rest of the fandom, I'm struggling a bit to understand this particular mash-up, lol (I really would have bet on 'Would've Could've Should've' getting mashed up with 'Mad Woman' due to what sounds like melodic similarities compared here and here, alas…)

Right off the bat, I'm going to have to admit that I'm personally on a different page than most people when it comes to WCS. I was genuinely shocked by just how many sources state, very confidently, that WCS is about John Mayer - not that it could be about him, but that it is. Of course, this stems from its similarity to the song 'Dear John'. Looks like we're going to have to discuss that song first so that we're on the same page! So, what did John, himself, have to say about 'Dear John'?:

"It made me feel terrible because I didn't deserve it. I'm pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do."

And when Glamour revealed John's comments to Taylor, here's what she had to say:

"How presumptuous! I never disclose who my songs are about."

That then got me thinking about this quote:

"If you didn't see a picture of it, it couldn't have happened right?"

And then this quote...

"People think they know the exact narrative of the way my life has gone."

Yes, Taylor was nineteen when she met John Mayer. But is that the only thing that happened to her at that age? I get that the title 'Dear John' seems super transparent, yet the term "Dear John" predates their collaboration or relationship by decades, so I don't think Taylor was necessarily "naming names". A "Dear John letter" is basically shorthand for dumping someone via written correspondence, usually someone who is physically far away (typically deployed) and seems to involve infidelity on the part of the dumper. To potentially support this theory, the lyric video for 'Dear John' looks like a handwritten letter:

Yet, the lyrics kind of sound like Taylor was the dumpee? Anyway, all of that is to say that I do think that WSC is connected to 'Dear John', just that the muse probably isn't who everyone thinks.

Anyway, WCS shares lyrical parallels with 'The Great War' - both referencing banners and tombs/crypts, implying that something that should be dead isn't. Would you believe that the first time I heard WCS, I thought it sounded like pure religious trauma? Obviously, after reading all the matter-of-fact reviews and blog posts about how it's definitely about grooming, I heard it. But I'm still not sure that's the only explanation.

Honest question: Is nineteen a "child"? I'm a few years older than Taylor, and while I would probably answer "yes", it would also feel infantilizing to call a nineteen-year-old a child. So, when I hear the line "years of tearing down our banners", I wonder if it implies a passage of time or aging, or that these banners were torn down for years after "dancing with the devil", an expression meaning to engage in "risky, reckless, or potentially immoral behavior". All of the religious imagery seems to imply some kind of loss of innocence. The line "give me back my girlhood" reminds me a lot of ATW, actually - I forget Taylor's exact quote or where she said it, unfortunately, but something about how the girl in the video is the same person, but the pain changed her, that she no longer approaches the world with the same openness, that it made her more guarded.

Themes of war appear in both 'The Great War' and 'Ivy', which is exactly the part of the song Taylor chose to mash-up with WCS. 'Ivy' describes a meeting in a "faith forgotten land", which is an interesting parallel for WCS - which seems to be, at least metaphorically, about the pain of having lost one's faith. All of this talk of death and tombs and crypts… meanwhile ivy is symbolically "eternal", likely because it can survive even through winters. Interestingly, it seems to symbolize loyalty - making it a rather curious metaphor in a song about infidelity! Though, perhaps the loyalty is not to the "husband" in this story?

Taylor ends the mash-up with "I regret you all the time", perhaps implying the aforementioned "war" had something to do with infidelity. If so, then who is it, in this love triangle, that she regrets?

I have even found myself wondering whether WCS is some kind of metaphor for fame, celebrity, the music industry… I don't have that thought fully fleshed out, though.

Interestingly, as I pondered a bit on your question, there has been a discovery that Taylor changed a few words of WCS for the mash-up, and maybe switched perspectives mid-song (credit to gaypoetsdept on Twitter):

"If I was a child, did it matter if I got to wash MY hands" (at about 1:19) "Would've, could've, should've, if YOU'D only played it safe" (at about 2:32)

I personally hope this was just a flub on Taylor's part because I can't even begin to understand the implication of these changes or what they mean! lol

Thanks for the ask! I don't know how helpful it was, but that's what I got! ♥

[z-h-i-e]

Bunniverse: Twenty Years of Nibbles

This Sunday (9-24-2023) is the 20th anniversary of the writing of the story which would be the glue that bound together several dozen stand alone stories into a cohesive universe, which would continue to grow for the next two decades. While the initial seeds were sown December 19th, 2001, and stories would be developed and written for almost two years, on a Wednesday evening, while chatting through the Yahoo! Groups board for the Haldir Lovers group, the idea manifested of Haldir having PTSD and getting through some of his anxiety with the help of a plush purple rabbit named Nibbles which was made for him by Elladan and Elrohir.

Named "The First Homely House, or, Attack of the Purple Plot Bunny", it was readers who would begin to refer to this story and subsequent related tales happening in Elrond's Valinor residence where he lived with Celebrian, her parents and brothers, their spouses and children, later adding Erestor and Glorfindel when they reached the shores of Alqualonde, and the youngest of Arwen and Aragorn's daughters, a marchwarden named Elodien who chooses the path of an Elf instead of the race of Men not as the titles the stories were given, but as the 'Purple Bunnies', a name that would later stick as The Purple Plot Bunnies for the series of fifty fics set in the Fourth Age, from September 119 to June 121. The series is PG13, with a handful of 'half-steps' written at higher ratings for in-between stories between consenting adult characters.

While it was actively being posted, many sites and groups at the time listed any sort of slash (m/m or f/f pairings) as forbidden or considered to merit a mature rating even if the content was below a teen level. Therefore, there are two different versions of about 1/3 of the stories in the series -- in the versions posted at gen and het sites and groups, Glorfindel and Erestor were only referenced as having traveled to Valinor at the same time, did not kiss or hold hands, and no mentions were made of their wedding bands or marriage. In versions posted to slash sites, relationships between Elrond and Celebrian as well as Galadriel and Celeborn were downplayed, and the above content with Glorfindel and Erestor was included. Most of the het/gen variations no longer exist; the slash variations were edited to include some of the content from the het/gen versions and additional content between 2007 and 2008, when they were all printed in what is considered the merged v.2 of all of the tales.

It was around that time that the universe became known as Bunniverse; prior to this, it was listed as The Purple Plot Bunny Universe, or, PPB-AU for short. The name Bunniverse was suggested by Smaug, since PPB-AU required explanation for new readers. Bunniverse has its own layer of confusion, with some potential readers believing that the name implies characters are all rabbits in the universe. A series of drawings by Smaug on this theme were done, which really only lead to more confusion, but fellowship buns were too adorable for anyone to be mad about it.

Three companion 'bunny' series are also part of the universe of what now numbers over 400 stories -- the Orange Plot Bunnies (also referred to as Erestory, where Erestor became the character of focus), the Pale Pink Plot Bunnies (concentrating on Glorfindel and Erestor adopting a child in Valinor, and featuring Fingon and Caranthir in prominent roles), and the Baby Blue Plot Bunnies (also known as Fluff'n'Stuff, taking place in early Third Age Rivendell, heavily focused on Glorfindel, and containing some of the heaviest religious and faith-based themes in Bunniverse). Of the three offshoots, only the Blue Bunnies have been completed at this time.

If you managed to read through all of this, you might be interested in the party time weekend I'm hosting on the Bunniverse discord server. Come on over; I totally asked your parents and they said it's okay. Okay, actually, I'm not asking your parents, but you should come over anyhow. Come celebrate Nibbles' birthday with me. :-3

[brokenbonesandlipglossveins]

Last night was the last show of 2022 , I am so happy and grateful that I lived through that. I couldn’t go to any shows but I lived through it all none the less.

Out of all the bands that I have obsessed and loved and gone mad for My Chem feels the most at home for me, they feel so different like I was made for their music and they were made for me. I believe in fate and I genuinely believe that their music needed to be in my life. I cannot even describe how they made my art way better than what it was before. During uni I began disliking writing music and hated being in bands because of bad experiences but now they’ve ignited something in me, the same feeling I had as a teenager listening to Nirvana for the first time desperately wanting to play guitar because it felt right for me and I am so sure that one day you will get to hear all the music I have written and look back at this post and still see me referencing and crediting them in the future.

I have seen multiple posts either on blogs or Twitter saying how MCR saved people from their loneliness. It's interesting to see and read on how allot of us have shared the similar experience of being lonely, not fitting on, having no friends, to then all of a sudden getting into MCR then into the fandom and then finding a neat little place for ourselves among our peers...I think that is beautiful.

I genuinely believe My Chem as a whole are a unit of living breathing saints, they literally are living legends and they achieved what they wanted;they became THE biggest band in the world. No matter if they falter or don't make new content they still are and forever will be.

They’ve still got several shows next year and till then they need rest and comfort and allot of sleep but beyond that they’ll be back I’m sure of it. I know we are all wanting to see more from them and I really have a great feeling for all of them.

After all this call to war must mean something… We just have to all be in the future to see it.

[darkleysgarden]

A Drunken Mistake

Written August 29th (Posted November 12th)

Warnings: alcohol, suggestive themes (making out and referenced sex)

Ship: Solodeus

Type: Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Fluff

Words: 1632

Summary: When drunk, Asmodeus and Solomon get into a bad argument.

After going to Satan, he convinces Asmo to try and resolve the misunderstanding.

Fluff ensues.

How could this happen?

What had he done to make things turn out like this?

A mistake. A stupid mistake at that.

He'd invited Solomon out to a party. One of the biggest ones of the year! It was supposed to be fun. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

"You act like you don't even love me!" He admitted in a slurred voice, sobs breaking through his words.

Solomon scoffed, "What would even make you think that? I do plenty for you! You must be out of your mind if you think that it isn't enough!"

Another sob ripped through him, "And what is it that you do? Show up once every three months just to fuck me? If I didn't know better I'd shove you into the same space as every other greedy asshole who wanted me for my body!"

The sorcerer looked at him like he was the stupidest being to ever live, "You know what? Showing up here tonight was a mistake. Goodbye, Asmodeus."

Before leaving the room they'd both went off to together, Solomon had said his full name.

They practically only ever used terms on endearment for eachother! And if it was ever their name it would be a shortened version of it. Because their relationship was cute and cheesy and stupid and so them.

Maybe he was just overreacting. It wasn't that big of a deal. Just his name.

How did that fight even start anyway?

They'd both gotten way too drunk that night. Completely wobbly and over the top.

He retched pathetically into the toilet. Tears laced with mascara combining with the liquid.

He'd become a complete mess after their fight.

Could he blame it on stupidity? Being an emotional drunk? The longing feeling that constantly told him he needed to be there with Solomon? But no, he was busy. He can't see you Asmo! Even if it's been four months. Just shut up and be patient. It will be fine.

Asmo had said that he didn't want to have sex that night, much to Solomon's confusion. He'd had questioned that were concerned because that was so unlike him. Usually he'd be begging for it.

It was concern. But of course, in his drunken state, he took offense to the concern and had to cause a fight.

A pathetic wail came from him. A sound he didn't even know he was capable of making.

Mammon had come in at some point, holding back his hair, wiping away his tears and mascara, cuddling him close to his warmth. All things Solomon should've been doing with him.

After much protest from him, Mammon got him into the car and home.

Which lead him to where he was now, laying in bed, still in those too tight clothes from the night before.

Mammon had tried to change him, but Asmo insisted he leave him be.

He felt completely numb.

Should he do something? Probably.

But part of him was scared. Scared that Solomon was still mad. That he wasn't ever going to forgive him for the fight. Break up with him like many in the past did after he rejected sex.

He wouldn't break up with him, though..........right?

No, he would never. Solomon saw him for more than his body. He was different!

In that moment, the line blurred.

He thought every ex had been 'different'. Was he wrong about Solomon? He couldn't be! But.... he wasn't sure.

In his moment of vulnerability, he got up. He needed to talk to Satan.

He always relies on his older brother in any sort of problem. That was normal. Now wouldn't be any different.

And Satan was smart! He'd know what to do!

Before leaving, he still made sure to fix up his outfit and makeup.

Even if it was just Satan, he shouldn't underperform. Nobody liked it when he did so. He can't be anything less than perfect. No, he isn't overthinking this! Last night was a clear example. Asmo didn't fill Solomon's needs and look where that got him.

He can't say that it's just Satan, because he had said that it was just Solomon before too. He never knew who he could trust. Hell, could he even trust himself?

Once he looked delightfully perfect again, he stepped out of his room. He gripped his arms tightly as he pulled the door shut. With slow cautious steps, he stopped in front of the fourth born's room.

He gave one knock, which was more than his usual, before barging in immediately, not even waiting for a reply.

Satan looked up, confusion evident on his face. He was half sitting, half laying on his bed, a book in his hand.

Asmodeus rushed over, throwing himself into Satan's arms. Tears welled up, but he didn't let them fall.

The fourth born returned his hug, hand running through his hair. He clearly realized that Asmo was upset, and was going to help his younger brother, "Asmo, what happened?"

The dam cracked, but didn't break, "Oh Satan it was horrible! It was just terrible! Everything went wrong in all the worst ways! I didn't know what to do! And then we started yelling! Why did we start yelling? And then he left! I don't know what to do! Can I trust him? Can I even trust myself!?"

Satan whispered soothing words to help calm his breathing, then asking, "Did you and Solomon fight?"

He didn't know exactly what word caused it. Whether it was the mention of Solomon, or the fight. But, as soon as Satan finished his sentence, he started to sob.

Asmo didn't know how much time had passed. Whether it had been a few minutes, or a few hours.

He stayed cuddled in his arms in a way that made him long for his boyfriend once again.

Eventually, Satan spoke again, "I'm sure this is just a big misunderstanding. I know Solomon well, and I'm sure that he didn't want to hurt you in anyway. He was just being drunk and stupid. I think you should just go and talk to him. Though, if you talk to him and he makes you sad again, let him know that I will not hesitate to f-"

Asmo cut him off, "Okay! Okay! I get it! Please don't kill my boyfriend!"

Satan scoffed, "I make no promises."

They sat there in a peaceful silence. Asmo thinking about what the blonde had said. Maybe he should just go talk to him.

Like he said, it was Solomon. And he's the smartest idiot he knew!

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

Still in the same clothes as last night, Asmo stood in front of the Purgatory Hall. He still had some mascara stained on his face, as he had failed to wipe it off fully. And his eyes were red and puffy, tear tracks still evident.

He knocked a small tune, pulling his hand down nervously.

Every second that passed without an answer made him want to go back home and cry a bit more.

As he was about to leave, the door opened. There stood Simeon, who had a frown on his face. The frown only worsened when he saw Asmo's current condition. He seemed to understand immediately what was wrong, "Solomon is in his room. Nasty hangover and such."

The words were laced with sadness that made Asmo frown.

Simeon stepped aside, allowing him to enter. He wasted no time, instantly making his way to the sorcerer's room.

With no knock, he entered. Solomon groaned at the small flash of light made before he closed it, "Simeon, I told you to leave me alone."

Asmo stood awkwardly, "Guess again....."

At the sound of his voice, Solomon darted up, "Asmo! I am so so so sorry! I'm stupid and said stupid things and didn't mean any of it!"

A smile made its way onto his face, "Funny, I was gonna say the same thing."

He sat on Solomon's bed, holding out his arms. The white haired man greedily accepted, "Sol, I know you're busy. It was selfish of me to think you should put me above your work."

Solomon's grip tightened, "No, you were right. I never even see you anymore. I shouldn't be getting so absorbed into other things and just completely ignore you."

He grinned, "I guess we were both idiots then, huh?"

Solomon laughed, smiling back up at him, "I guess so."

Their lips locked in the same way as always. They had become so accustomed to eachother, mouths moving accordingly.

Asmo pushed himself harder against Solomon, focusing on nothing else but him.

Solomon bit his lip, causing him to open his mouth wider, accepting his tongue against his own.

Just as Asmo was about to pin him down, Solomon gently pushed him away, "As much as I love you, we shouldn't go that far today. Even if you didn't mean it, I don't want you thinking I only want you for sex. Your cuddles and love are amazing too. Plus, I have a pounding headache right now."

He giggled at the last statement, pulling Solomon into a lying position. He buried his head against the younger's chest, fluffy hair bunching up against him.

The sorcerer kissed his forehead, "If you want we can cuddle all day just like this. Maybe even turn on a movie. And I think Luke was even planning on making that dessert you liked."

Asmo perked up, "Blood macarons?"

"Mhm," Solomon kissed the tip of his nose.

He curled against him once again, letting out a sigh.

Why did he think this would be hard? It was Solomon, after all. They were both drunk and stupid.

Solomon was an idiot.

But admittedly, so was he.

Sleep started to overtake him as he cuddled closer.

Damn were they both idiots.

[brother-hermes]

GOYIM AND KABBALAH

Look. This is going to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever tried to explain because my very being- my opus- is involved.

As I sit under the light of the full moon, back to the tree in my front yard, the very pulse of earth is moving within me. I am accutely aware of which trees have sprung from the seeds planted by the parent tree at my back. The night is still and yet it’s teeming with life. It is Ru’ahh- the breath of G-d I feel moving through all things but how did this happen? At what point did I become aware of Her presence and abandon all else on my journey? Where is the line between Christian and Jew in my mind? At what point did I cease to be Catholic?

The library unearthed at Nag Hammadi completely changed my perspective on the life and message of Christ. His own promise of the gift of Ru’ahh HakoDesh sent me within. After all, didn’t He urge us to sit in a closet and pray? Then a Rosicrucian text written in 1923 quoted the Gospel of Peace 30 years before its “discovery.”

Years of meditation- constant recital of the 72 triplets- later and The Chymical Wedding of Christian Rosenkreutz was given to me. A Frater from my order handed me his personal copy full of annotations and footnotes. This seemingly simple doctrine follows a similar pattern of the one found in the Apocalypse of John, what Christians know as Revelations. In it he speaks of communing with Sophia- Solomons Woman Wisdom. This mystical experience is one I recognized instantly having long since meditated in Her presence. I sought Her like silver just as Solomon suggested and found Her within.

Anyways, as I read of Christian Rosenkreutz taking this spiritual journey I couldn’t help but notice how blended the Rosicrucian path actually is. Here is a doctrine where the spiritual journey is divided into a seven day journey-referencing Genesis- to attend a Wedding on an evening before Easter- referencing, not only the Gospels, but the Wedding at Cana as well. It’s Alchemical in nature urging us to remember Hermès teachings and alludes to Platos Cave- the metaphysics behind Greek philosophy. He cuts the bread. That only happens in 9 books of the New Testament. There are also 9 Lords in attendance at this Wedding.

Genesis is tied into the story as a way to connect the dots between these seemingly different paths- all of which lead to One. “G-d said” appears 10 times. “G-d made” appears 3 times. “G-d saw” appears 7 times. The word G-d is used 12 times. 10 sefirot. 3 horizontal paths. 7 vertical paths. 12 diagonal paths. This is the Tree of Life. It serves as the basic framework for how Christian Rosenkreutz made it to this Castle- what I understand as a mountain Temple- to commune with the Creator.

There are Four Paths mentioned that one can take to achieve this goal. Couple that with several references meant to imply a connection between the Emerald Tablet and the Tree of Life and it’s no wonder I set out to understand why. Why would a Christian mystic explain how movement from Yesod, Hod, and Netzach moving from below to above correlates to the three step process of the Emerald Tablet? I mean, even the first day of Rosenkreutz journey ends painting the 4 step descent, 3 step ascent, and the one step re-descent. Why? What do the Emerald Tablet and Kabbalah have to do with what Christ taught? The question drove me mad.

The Wedding at Cana was the first of 7 miracles to be taken as signs of the Messiah. Specifically, the lawful Union of man and woman- or the reconciliation of polarity. The same polarity reconciled after 6 days of Creation through use of duality described in Genesis. It’s an allegory. Christ was teaching us how to reconcile our seemingly dualistic nature. The changing of water into wine implies the integration of our vehicles of consciousness- body and mind, waking mind and Spirit.

Even the number of disciplines outlined by Rosenkreutz isn’t merely a play on the 12 disciples. It’s 12 disciplines in three groups of four. Emanation, Creation, Formation, and Action. There’s no getting around going from below to above requires merkava- vehicles of consciousness. At the level of Assiah/Action, it’s easy to see this vehicle because we touch, taste, see, smell and hear with it, but as we move beyond that it gets decidedly more difficult. When we approach Atzilut/Emanation where we have no vehicle of consciousness because we are consciousness, what then? Ehyeh Asher Ehyeh. That same “I am” that manifests in the first word of the 10 commandments is the Divine expressing itself in the metaphor of Creature. That was Sophia/Chochmah manifesting within. Years of meditating at the Temple within my heart had taught me to trust the breath of G-d beyond anything else.

There was no escaping this truth. Prayer. Meditation. Study. Living a simple life. All of these disciplines had moved me to a place where I needed guidance. The Hermeticists of my order had much more in common with the Sorcerers of Kemet- Biblical Egyptians- than they did with those faithful to the Law. What could the descendants of Isis cults who genuinely believe we can reach the point of being gods teach me about ascending to the throne room of the one true G-d? Nothing.

Now I never abandoned Christ in all this. Even as I dove into deep meditative periods with heavy study almost never touching the Bible- Christian Rosenkreutz bridegroom I was still aware of how Christ is involved. See, if Chochmah/Wisdom is waves of energy, Binah/Understanding is form. With Christ as my template- the One manifested in the World of Formation- I chose to live in love. To be “the light that shone in the darkness.” But what Church would understand this journey? What Christian could hear this tale and not label me a heretic? Aside from one Anglican priest I had been completely isolated from the entire realm of Christianity.

So I did the only thing I could do. I turned to the source of this Ancient Mystery and joined a Kabbalah study group. I am a Gentile amidst the Chosen seeking Wisdom above all. Am I treated differently within the confines of said group? No. I came to this path after decades of prayer and meditation and it is doubtful this is the first lifetime I have spent in such a manner. I didn’t wake up yesterday and say “let me jack this culture and make it my own.” They know that because mystics are measured on what’s within more than they’ll ever be measured by appearance, race, or…

Trust and believe that every post I write comes from a place of love and I never intended to hurt or offend anyone. Mysticism had never been a game or a fad to me. This life cycle is one of dedication and servitude to G-d and humanity. That is the fulfillment of the Law- to love G-d with all of my mind and soul and to love my neighbor as I love myself. Humility may not always be my strong suit but my approachability runs high. You can always reach out to me with questions and ask why or how. Even in the mix of frustration I will gladly address anyone with the respect and dignity I would like to receive. Hehe. To receive.

That’s all I got.

[handwrittenhello]

to the brave and the petrified 3/?

Prompt: amnesia Paring: Geralt/Jaskier Rating: M Warnings: implied/referenced torture, amnesia, axii Summary: Jaskier hadn’t awoken yet for three days—three long days where Geralt painstakingly fed him, dripped water into his mouth, wiped him down with damp cloths, all while Jaskier lay deeply unconscious. Sometimes he roused—only briefly, and he was never lucid enough to know where he was. Not lucid enough to know that Geralt had pulled him from the Nilfgaardian dungeon, that it was Geralt who tended to his wounds. - Jaskier's recovery, with all its highs and lows.

read and subscribe here on ao3, or ask to be tagged in the next chapters! written for the @whataboutthebard event, (hopefully) posting one chapter per day. forgot to post on tumblr yesterday, whoops!

first | next

It was after five days of troubled unconsciousness that Jaskier finally awoke for good. Geralt wasn’t even in the room when it happened—he was stewing yet more broth, the only thing of substance that he could feed Jaskier while unconscious. Lost in his own thoughts, as he often was these days with nothing else to pull him out of it, he didn’t even realize that the cadence of Jaskier’s heartbeat had changed until he was pulling open the door to the room.

With hardly any care at all, he set the steaming bowl aside and rushed to the side of the bed, where Jaskier had managed to prop himself up almost to sitting. He was gaunt, pale, with a deep furrow etched into his brow, but he was awake. When Geralt knelt down at his bedside, Jaskier turned to him, gaze clouded, but his eyes were at least focusing.

“Jaskier,” Geralt breathed with relief. “How do you feel?”

“…Like shit,” Jaskier answered, voice croaking and breaking into a cough. Geralt quickly reached to support his back and lever him upright, filling a cup with water with his other hand.

“I’m not surprised,” Geralt said wryly, lifting the cup to Jaskier’s lips. He kept his mouth closed at first, tongue darting out to lick at the few drops that clung to the rim—was he not thirsty? But soon after he had tasted it, he was gulping it down as if he were in the middle of the Zerrikanian desert. Geralt pulled it away after half the cup had been drained—he didn’t want Jaskier to sick it all up.

Jaskier watched him pull it away longingly, but didn’t argue. Geralt settled him back against the headboard and went to retrieve the bowl of broth, certain that Jaskier would be hungry.

“Where am I?” Jaskier asked—when Geralt turned around, he was peering out the window, though Geralt was certain that he could only see cerulean sky from that angle.

“Kaer Morhen,” Geralt replied, “the witcher keep,” when no recognition showed on Jaskier’s face. “In the north of Kaedwen.”

“Witcher keep,” Jaskier breathed, glancing around at the stone walls. “And you’re a witcher,” he continued, eyes bright but shuttered.

“…Yes,” Geralt said, the hair on the back of his neck raising. “Have been for the past twenty years we’ve known each other.” Had Jaskier hit his head? Had a mage fucked with his mind while he’d been imprisoned in Nilfgaard? “What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean, twenty years?” Jaskier exclaimed. “Sir, I thank you kindly for allowing me to stay here and recover from whatever ordeal gave me such wounds, but—if I may be blunt—I fear either you’re mad, or I’ve since lost my mind.”

“What are you talking about?” Geralt growled. “Jaskier, I know you. You know me. You followed me around the Continent for two damn decades.”

“I think I would remember that,” Jaskier objected faintly, though Geralt didn’t miss how he was cringing against the headboard.

He took a deep breath and made an effort to remove the stress from his voice. “What do you remember?” he asked carefully, calmly.

“You do realize that’s like asking a woodpigeon how many trees it’s roosted in?” Jaskier objected, but then sighed. “My name is Jaskier—well, Julian Alfred Pankratz, but that doesn’t roll off the tongue as well. I’m a classically trained bard, graduated cum laude from Oxenfurt, master of the seven liberal arts. My father is Stjepan Pankratz and my mother was Karina Pankratz, gods rest her soul. Would you like a list of all the subjects I know as well?” he finished drily.

“How old do you think you are?” Geralt said slowly.

“Eighteen.” He paused. “…Why?”

“Jaskier, you’re nearly forty-three.” Eighteen? What happened to two and a half decades of memories? “I didn’t see any wounds on your head—does it hurt at all?” Geralt asked urgently, itching to go and inspect him up close, but he knew that such an invasion of personal space wouldn’t be welcome from a stranger.

“Forty-three??” Jaskier shouted. “No, you’re lying. I can’t be. That would mean…”

“I’m sorry,” Geralt said softly. “I don’t know what’s happened to your memories. It may be magical in nature, or…” he trailed off.

“Or? What else could it be, besides some horrible curse laid on me by the gods? This can’t be real,” Jaskier moaned, burying his face in his hands. “Wake up, wake up, wake up,” he chanted under his breath, pulling harshly at his hair.

“Stop that, you’ll hurt yourself.” Without thinking, Geralt stepped forward and disentangled his hands from his hair, taking them into his own. Jaskier instantly scrambled back, yanking his hands away, eyes wide.

“Don’t touch me! You’re—you’re lying, you have to be! I don’t know what you’re playing at, but it won’t work!” Jaskier’s chest heaved and his heart beat wildly. His hands were clenched into fists, so tight that blood was beginning to well up beneath his nails. “This is some sort of trick, or—or—”

“It’s not a lie, Jaskier. I think your mind is trying to protect you,” Geralt explained slowly. “You’ve been through a lot—will you please calm down?” Geralt was worried he may pass out, the fear taking a toll on his already weakened body.

But Jaskier was too far into his panic. As Geralt took a step closer, he scrambled backwards, falling off the bed in his haste. It was only thanks to Geralt lunging that he caught him before he could crack his skull open on the stone floor, though as soon as his arms were around him, Jaskier began to frantically struggle, striking out with elbows and fists. The blows glanced off of Geralt like stones skipping over the surface of a pond, with no real strength behind them, though that spoke more to how weak Jaskier was than to how much he was panicking.

With regret heavy in his heart, Geralt cast Axii, thinking back to how he’d come upon Jaskier in that dark Nilfgaardian cell. Even as Jaskier sobbed and went limp in Geralt’s arms, he knew that the danger was far from past.

[poisonousquinzel]

https://lady-ha-ha.tumblr.com/post/160715688748/is-that-comic-before-the-reboot-and-which-one-is

(I have not read this comic) Is this true? (if so, ivy deserves someone better).

Post

Kay, first off both of those people are Jarley shippers so take everything they say with a grain of salt and then some, cause no. that part isn't about how much Harley loves Joker and will always choose him over Ivy. Literally you can tell ops don't know what they're talking about cause her whole thing in those issues is going to kill him for years of graphic abuse but ultimately falls back with him once she’s face to face with him.

Like wow, congrats on missing the fucking point again but not surprised from people who ship her with The Fucking Joker.

also, ffs, can anyone please have basic comprehension skills and realize that Harley and Ivy are both fucked up sometimes because they’ve got issues and that’s not comparable to Joker’s long ass history of graphic and disgusting abuse.

Harley and Ivy are villains, they're not a wholesome cookie cutter, White Picket Fence, super vanilla ship with no bad moments. They're both bad guys with a fuck ton of trauma that they both have to work through, and have done so at this point. 

Gotham City Sirens was published between 2009 - 2011, Harley and Ivy weren't blatantly romantic at this point nor had they had anywhere near the development that they’ve had at this point.

Like don’t go into Harlivy content expecting them to be the perfect wlw rep with no flaws during their arcs from BTAS to current time cause that’s just not realistic. They’re both deeply flawed people who’ve got a fuck ton of trauma that they need to (and have) worked through. 

I have talked about the BTAS issues here and this post is good at explaining them too. 

X

X

Harlivy is not and has never been a purely wholesome, goody-goody ship. They’re messy, they have issues, and they have bad moments sometimes, but they both worked through their seperate trauma and came out stronger and better because at the end of the day, they care about each other. 

Harlivy has messy, toxic moments sometimes, but they’re not, and have never been, abusive. There’s a difference between unhealthy moments and a ship being abusive. 

That’s completely different to how Joker acts Constantly, because he does not care that his actions towards Harley are abusive, because he doesn’t give a shit about her. 

He enjoys hurting her. He enjoys ruining her. 

Jarley has always been intended to be written and shown as a domestically abusive relationship.

This is also the first instance where it's directly referenced that there's something more than platonic between her and Ivy, other than the reference in Batgirl Adventures. 

Gotham City Sirens is also not connected to any verses.

This didn’t happen in the timeline we’re in rn with Harley Quinn (2014)/(2016)/(2021).

Comic timelines and shit are stupid and make everything more confusing and awful and I hate it sdfjdksksdkjsd

-

this is gonna be a long post since ops wanna just cut and paste random bits of the issues like jarley stans always do (cause jarley never has good moments that aren’t entirely surrounded by him abusing her) I’m going to show them in full context. *added a keep reading cause it is a lot

(All panels shown are from #15, #18, #19, #20, #21, #23, #24, #25)

So, Harley's entire thing at this point in the GCS comic in that she's been triggered by flashbacks of Joker's abuse and she breaks into Arkham with the intent to kill him.

The entire thing in these issues is showing her smarts and how she knows people's trump cards to get under their skin so she can break into Arkham. 

She’s trained to identify these things in people and she's fucking good at pushing people's buttons. 

this is also just one of my fav Harley covers so I wanted to show it jsdjksdks

“Trump cards. Everyone has one. Places where the armor we build around ourselves is weakest.” 

She’s right. And it’s now shown that Harley’s willing to use those below the belt trump cards if she has to.  

And frankly, I’d say this is worse than what she says to Ivy. And I’m not surprised she did it. She didn’t want to, she tried to get him to just open the door - 

“Don’t make me do this, Aaron. There are some secrets that should stay hidden. Things you should never learn about your own life.” 

but she’s also entirely fueled by rage and the desire to kill Joker. She came here for a reason and she’s not leaving until she’s done it.

“I’m going to kill you. For everything you’ve done to me. All the times you’ve made me feel useless and small. For all the times I will never forget. For all the things I can never forgive. All the memories -”

“Hello, Harley. I’ve missed you.” 

“Memories. That’s all I have left. The past is gone and all I have is... memories. 

Memories.

Memory. 

Gone.

I guess I too have a trump card.”

“Oh, Ivy. You know exactly what my answer is going to be. But you’re hoping you’re wrong, aren’t you?”

She’s also right about this, they already mentioned this in #18.

“How did I become the bad guy?”

“You’re the one choosing a man over her girls.”

“Are you kidding me? You would never say that to Harley, and we both know she’d dumb us in a flat second if Joker called her.”

“Hey! That’s not fair-- Actually, that’s probably true.”

“The difference is, she can’t help it. You can. And she’s working on it. You’re not working on it.” 

“Too easy, Ivy. Too easy. I know your weak spots. Now I just need to push.”

This is exactly what she’s been doing since the starting point of this post. She’s still in that mindset and she knows she can’t beat her on a regular battle field. Neither of them can. 

“Like I said-- You beat me in any level playing field. But I don’t fight on those fields.” 

Harley’s biggest strength as a villain is her ability to completely mentally stall her opponents and learn their weak spots. She wouldn’t win against the majority of the Big Bads if she didn’t fight on a different field than they are. 

so, like yeah, out of context what she says to Ivy seems awful and completely screwed up, and it is, but it’s also built up really well and it’s completely in character for her at this point in her fall during these issues. 

Is what she did fucked? absolutely. It’s not painted that it’s not. 

Ivy Literally Goes To Kill Her For It.

In the end of this all three of them are recaptured by Catwoman and Batman and that’s where we’re starting off at again. 

“Oh, Harley.

The only human I’ve ever called a friend.

To what lengths will I go? Where are my own limits? She is the Strangler fig. And I am the tree, choking underneath. 

Without me, she could never grow. 

But without her, I would fall if I grew too tall.” 

“Will she ever stand by herself? 

Will she ever be ready? 

She is in throes of madness. She sees him, her brain flooding with adrenaline, it makes her excited, nervous, then the feelings start to fade, and she needs more. And more. 

She sees it as passion. She sees it as love. 

But it’s not. It’s addiction. And she’s relapsing.” 

Ivy is well aware of the nature of their relationship. She’s not stupid and she’s been shown already to know that it’s something that takes time. It’s not a one off break up and it’s over. That’s not how abusve relationships work. 

What do I do?

I could use my pheromones to alter her brain chemistry.

I could leave her behind abandoning her to the wilds of her own mind.

I could kill her right now.

Show her how red Nature can be.

There's one other option.

It would require patience.

Even love.

Maybe I'm more human than I want to admit.

"You have one chance to answer this."

I know, if she agrees, she'll be doing it for revenge. For him.

"She put us behind bars."

But maybe if I get away from this place, if I give her something else to think about. Maybe she can break the cycle. But it has to be her choice.

"I'm going to kill her. Come with me."

So yeah, it’s definitely not a just “Harley hurts her and runs off with Joker and it’s just a plain ol’ her choosing him over everyone and that’s that.” 

Jarley shippers love to just reduce all her scenes and arcs down to their “epic love” and shit, but that’s taking away literally everything about her and reducing it down to the 3 panels that they’re “cute” in. Her arc in this part is fucking heartbreaking to read.

And Ivy damn well knows what’s going on with her. She’s smart and she’s the one that’s been there throughout all of this. She found her in the park after he shot her out of a rocket. 

And she knows it’ll take time for Harley to get over and through his manipulation, that’s just how it works with abusive relationships. 

But she’s also not forgiving at first, she’s mad and rightfully so, until she sees the sate of Harley’s cell and realizes how bad her addiction is at that time.

A lot of the unhealthy moments on Harley’s side when it comes to them are directly caused from the effects of being in an abusive relationship with Joker. Because she’s always in this area of her journey in those moments. She’s never fully over him or emancipated. 

And that’s realistic. It’s hard sometimes to be friends with someone who’s in abusive relationships like theirs, having to watch them return to that person time and time again and it’s frustrating after a while. 

I know from personal experience, it’s really hard to watch someone you care about go back or forgive someone that continues to hurt them. 

But abuse victims desperately need a support system outside of their abuser. It’s a crucial part of being able to escape, because when they do try to get out they need someone there or they’ll literally have no where to go but back into their abuser’s arms.

It’s heartbreaking and it’s really rough for everyone effected, but that’s just how it is most of the time. Especially in their case, as they’re not just regular folk dealing with this. 

If she doesn’t have Ivy, Harley has no one else to go to but Joker, on more than just an emotional level. 

She’s lost her job. Her income. Her home. Her livelihood. Her everything.

Most of the time she has no other choice but to return to a life of crime after she’s released from Arkham because she can’t get a job, she’s a notorious criminal and she’s got a lot of issues that don’t just disappear with a bit of therapy. 

She has no other choice but to return to Joker because the other alternative is the streets. At least she knows what to expect with him. 

And that’s not even getting into the manipulation, gaslighting and degrading abuse that he drills into her constantly. 

He’s made her believe she’s not anything without him. That she’s not smart or useful or anything. 

And that’s why it’s so damn important for her to have a support system and why he’s so damn against Ivy. 

Because Ivy is the good voice on her shoulder telling her he’s wrong and that she doesn’t deserve that. 

-

And on Ivy’s side, she’s aware she gets very near cutting off all parts of her humanity. 

She’s a plant goddess, she’s insanely powerful and she feels everything through the green. Frankly, she’s not even on the same playing field as these villains. She’s significanty more powerful than Harley and Joker. 

Her connection to Harley is what keeps her humanity in tack, because despite everything, she does care about her. She was the first person she let in, the first person Ivy called a friend. 

The person that was able to get through to her in #14/#15 when she was losing herself. The one that was able to get through to her that the dude was manipulating her. 

“Ivy, I know you think you love this guy... but you’re just gonna end up strapped to his rocket!”

She had to knock her out for the dude to trust her / not attack them anymore. But Harley got through to her by mentioning how they first met in the park when she saved her after Joker shot her off in a rocket.

And Ivy is understandable turned off towards humans considering her origin and trauma around that. 

She’s got a lot of trust issues.

But both of them work through their seperate traumas over the years because their affection for each other is stronger than the issues their trauma has given them.

-

and also, sometimes, they just have shit writers. that’s an issue overall in comic fandoms. Some writers just fucking suck at getting any of the characters right, let alone LGBT characters, who’re notoriously treated like garbage by DC. 

[bigskydreaming]

Also if people instinctively reaching for their “its just my interpretation” arguments as a rebuttal to that post about issue #416 could just not, I’d super appreciate it, thaaaaaanks.

See, the problem I have with that is like....no its not. Its really really not. If your fic or your meta is otherwise DIRECTLY referencing specific story beats of that specific ISSUE, like Dick not having talked to Bruce in over a year, or Dick not knowing Jason even existed until he saw it on the news, or Dick leaving Jason his phone number, or anything of the like.....it is not at all unreasonable for me to expect you to acknowledge the story beats of that very same issue that all of those things are written IN RESPONSE TO. 

You can yell at me about how the firing is just a retcon til the cows come home, but y’know what? It was a retcon that was reiterated IN THAT VERY SAME ISSUE. In it, Dick reiterated what the firing looked like from his perspective, how he waited around for two weeks for Bruce to change his mind before packing up and leaving with opportunities for Bruce to say something every step of the way....THAT is the SPECIFIC sequence of events that Dick’s anger about all of this comes from.

So its extremely disingenuous to try and pair that anger with the pre-Crisis ‘better version’ of events where Dick gives up being Robin all on his own and becomes Nightwing while still on good terms with Bruce...because that version of events has its OWN corresponding aftermath that was written in direct response to THOSE character choices. Like the aftermath where right after becoming Nightwing, Dick turns around and offers Robin to Jason himself, as he of course is already well acquainted with Jason by then. See, that’s kinda part of why Dick and Bruce are on such better terms in that version of events. It has a lot to do with Bruce not adopting a whole other son without so much as a phone call to let Dick know his family had expanded.

Now you can mix and match to your heart’s content, that has NEVER been in question. Especially since as so often said, its a fandom past time to take a match to canon and watch it burn. You don’t have to adhere to aaaaaanything you don’t want to.

BUT.

If you want to talk about INTERPRETING the canon? That is subject to a different set of standards. Because you’re acknowledging that the source material exists as a point of RELEVANCE to you.....and the fact is....the source material is the SAME for everyone discussing it. Now, people can and do have different interpretations of that same material, this is obviously true. But ACTUAL. GENUINE. DISCUSSION of it.....requires that all parties at least discuss those interpretations in good faith, and make an honest attempt to address the material as it is.

And that is not what happens in this fandom. Because you damn well KNOW that for all your talk of the firing just being a retcon......its still the specific version of events the “Dick being mad about Bruce giving Robin to Jason” thing is directly meant to reference and BUILD off of. Retcon or not, it is indisputably the FOUNDATION upon which the other character choices of that very same issue are built atop of.

Because there is another version of events, yes. The pre-Crisis version where Dick gives up Robin. But as I said, that version DOES NOT HAVE Dick angry or resentful....because a key component of it is that all three of them, Bruce, Dick and Jason, are already a family in spirit. There’s a true succession of Robin from Dick passing it down to Jason.

And a lot of you guys know this too. Especially the ones most likely to reach for that “let us have our interpretation!” arguments. Because the Dick Grayson corner of fandom has posted about it a LOT. In fact, we kinda churn out a crap ton of content for this fandom. Headcanons, ficlets, informative posts, etc. And there’s a very curious phenomenon that exists.....

Literally anything I or certain other DG fans post that is inclusive of the whole family, or does not reference any specific event that’s infamous within fandom for pitting Dick against another Batfam member in a ‘who was right, discuss” kinda way.....that tends to circulate WIDELY in fandom. We’re talking upwards of a thousand notes, regularly.

In comparison.....the informative posts that are chock full of panels pointing out how canon actually goes in these specific instances.....tend to top out at a couple hundred max. Its pretty much just fellow DG stans who reblog them. Everyone else, despite them going through the same initial routes of circulation....are very good at pretending they don’t see them.

Because see, misinformation - and make no mistake, that is what we’re talking about here - RELIES on a lack of like.....actual information provided to the contrary to thrive. 

For instance, if it were as common knowledge that in the pre-Crisis version of Dick becoming Nightwing, he makes Jason Robin himself, as it is say.....that the firing Dick as Robin story is ‘just a shitty retcon’......people might start to ask in greater numbers, like, okay, so why DON’T more people write Dick making Jason into Robin after giving it up himself? Why have Dick so bitter at Bruce and/or Jason, if in the only version where Dick gives up Robin, Dick passes it on himself? If you’re gonna go with the one, why not the other?

Because we all know damn well that’s not a difference in interpretation. That’s a conscious CHOICE to TRANSFORM the source material by stitching together two different sides of a cause and effect chasm. The events transpiring after Dick finds out Bruce made Jason Robin himself ARE NOT MEANT to reference the inciting event of Dick giving up Robin himself. You can make that happen, sure. But you have to MAKE it happen. There is no point in the comics where you can honestly, genuinely point to the comics and say this right here shows Dick being mad about this, where ‘this’ is Bruce giving Robin to Jason SPECIFICALLY after Dick gave Robin up, rather than being fired.

A choice has to be made there, for that to happen, if one has the ACTUAL information about how that really played out in the comics rather than just misinformation. And not everyone in fandom trusts everyone else to make the choices they would like them to make with the source material, do they?

After all, isn’t that the REAL root of all this?

See.....its no secret to any of us that nobody’s been all that happy with the actual comics aka source material in years. Meaning most of fandom, myself included, is here for meta and fics based on previously written comics, or our own adaptations of the material.

And fandom, being interactive, unlike canon.....is something that CAN be influenced by other fans.

So why don’t we all just stop fucking pretending that we’re not all trying to influence what the overarching fandom narratives are, shall we?

Oh, you can say this is just me projecting, but I’ve got plenty of instances of hypocrisy to point to that say otherwise. And THAT is the true source of my hostility in so many posts in this fandom.

Because its the very same people who loudly cry “let people have their headcanons” and “let people have their interpretations” and “stop trying to tell people there’s only one true version of canon to go off of” who NEVER. EVER. fail to show up on posts like that last one, the SECOND they start to circulate ‘too widely’ throughout fandom. There is ALWAYS someone waiting in the wings the minute a post like that starts to top a couple hundred notes, ready and raring to shoot it down with some kind of derailment or condescending reminders to everyone who might see it that ‘that’s just a bad retcon for people obsessed with misery porn’ or something like that.

And what exactly should we be calling that? When people show up every single time I make a post about the importance of Robin as a name to Dick, in order to make a big stink about how it being his mother’s name for him is just a retcon? Even though....did I say it wasn’t? Does it being a retcon mean it doesn’t exist? Am I not allowed MY interpretation of a story that very much does exist in canon, am I not allowed to reference other stories where that specific retcon is specifically linked to?

Or how about if I say, post a headcanon about Alfred getting snippy with Bruce about not reaching out to Dick after he leaves home, where within the headcanon itself I specifically reference a clear version of the story where Dick is fired and its eighteen months before he and Bruce speak again? Does this story not exist in canon? Am I not allowed to base stuff of it? It would seem not, given the way people jumped to derail that one by adding in additions about Dick being upset with Bruce about college, which is an entirely different continuity that in no way intersects with the specific events I reference, where they’re estranged for a clear reason that is directly raised within the headcanon itself. People even acknowledge “OP is entitled to any version of continuity they want” in that one, but are like....this one is wrong though, and true fans prefer the one that isn’t just misery porn meant to validate Dick’s teenage angst. With people all too happy to reblog that one while gleefully pointing out the tags that completely derail the post about a clear point in canon by making it entirely about another unrelated point in a different continuity in order to invalidate the initial headcanon or whatever.

Don’t even get me started on when we dare reference stories where Bruce is actually physically abusive to Dick, or when we link Dick’s actions in stories that acknowledge the emotional abuse or neglect of certain key moments in his life TO those inciting moments directly and say “hey its kinda shitty to act like Dick was just being a standoffish brat here when Dick’s attitude is actually directly based on the last time he and Bruce interacted being when Bruce told him to get out and leave his keys.” LOLOL nooooo, that’s not allowed to stand, because see, the ONLY possible reason we could have for even CONSIDERING those stories in character or in continuity, is because of the aforementioned addiction to misery porn or else because we’re just trying to smear Bruce to make our own fave look better.

Never mind that another popular refrain for a lot of the people I’m talking about here is “you don’t know what people are thinking or why they like the things that they like” so, y’know. It is a tad irritating to see that double standard applied, like I mean. Just speaking personally, I’m a survivor of childhood physical and sexual abuse with a lifetime’s worth of C-PTSD and permanent estrangement from my abusive family, so like....those stories where Dick is abused by a figure he never thought would hurt him and now has to reconcile that with still loving and admiring that very same person and still wanting to be family.....like, hey guess what, those themes are part of why his character resonates for me in particular and so they’re kiiiiiinda key for me to explore for a lot of reasons. And given that this fandom looooooves to talk about some people writing dark shit to cope, I find it veeeeeery curious that people are so willing to shut the fuck up and say nothing about incest, rape and pedophilia fics even if they don’t like them themselves......but will still come out of the woodwork to condescend about there being absolutely no valid reason for anyone to ever engage with content where Bruce is abusive even just in one singular instance.....nah. Its literally just cuz of the misery porn addiction.

But see.....the thing at the heart of all this is the simple fact that this hypocrisy doesn’t exist just for the sake of hypocrisy. It exists because we actually all DO know how much power and influence fans can have in an interactive environment like fandom.

After all, the entire reason that Dick Grayson fans are so often posting informative panel-filled posts about what ACTUALLY happens in canon stories that are DIRECTLY cited in many meta, fanfics and headcanons, just.....in a totally backwards way that just so happens to fail to mention that its not intended to be an accurate depiction of the canon its definitely mentioning its in reference to....

The entire reason for this is because of how thoroughly fandom has crafted a specific narrative for Dick Grayson’s character that is based PURELY on their own characterization wants and needs and has very little to do with the actual canon of the character.

Its not a coincidence that so many fans just so happen to genuinely, truly believe that Dick was a grade A asshole to Jason while he was Robin, and there’s a wealth of canon out there somewhere to back it up. No, this happened because of fanFIC narratives where this is the case, and these catching on, and being encouraged by the initial writers of this trope and its fans and so on and so forth until it became the overarching fandom narrative and not only didn’t require any canon basis to be so....it barely ALLOWED for any talk of the contrary. Dick Grayson stans had to yell and churn out posts like that last one for YEARS to make a DENT in this fanon conviction, and do NOT even approach me about it being an issue of tone and ‘if we’d only asked politely’ because lol. No. We did. You can find the clear shift in the tone of my posts from when I first re-entered the fandom years ago to when I just got frustrated with the willful avoidance of WHY so many fans like myself are so annoyed by certain fandom convictions......and even then, it was about the hypocrisy. It was about how loudly other people crow about letting them have their headcanons while literally shouting down ANY post we made about wanting space to just have our CANON-canon.

Pro-tip: that thing where if you just ignore someone long enough on a certain point, they’ll inevitably start to get frustrated and then you can point to their tone as being the problem and claim that was the issue all along? Yeah. Its not slick. This fandom didn’t invent it. Its always very transparent, and very obnoxious. 

But the point is.....fandom absolutely has the ability to override canon narratives with their own version that’s then formative for new entrants to the fandom who never even BOTHER with the source material and just are here for the fic. And so its dishonest as FUCK for people to not only MAKE no distinction between what’s genuinely their interpretation of the canon and what’s their transformation of it, with INTENT......but to weaponize fandom’s aversion to content-criticism to shout down even ATTEMPTS to introduce discussion of the actual source material by claiming oh you’re just trying force your preferred narrative on everyone else. Aka that thing THEY’RE actually doing themselves by once attaining a fandom wide narrative they like, maintaining a stranglehold on it and doing their best to dissuade any narratives to the contrary staking a claim alongside that.

Because again, it all comes back to the fic. See, as a Dick Grayson fan, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I turn to fic for what I can’t get from canon...and its frustrating as hell to see writers that loudly talk of being BETTER than canon and “RIP to canon but my Batfam loves each other” in a lot of cases DELIBERATELY make Dick in particular look WORSE.....and then act like they have no idea what we’re talking about when we try and tell fans who take these narratives at face value that uh, they’re lacking some extremely relevant context and nuance. Or in some cases, outright facts.

And I will happily laugh loudly in the face of anyone who tries to claim that they don’t feel similarly about fics that characterize their own faves in ways they don’t like.

Yeah, try telling me that after years of some of you writing fics that specifically exclude all reference to the events of Nightwing #30 when talking about Dick’s death or Spyral.....while still including every in canon instance of people bagging on Dick for what he only did in canon because of Bruce’s abusive writing. There’s kinda a vested interest in keeping fandom relatively free of talk of Nightwing #30 then.....because weirdly, people who write about a DIFFERENT take that’s not hostile to Dick seem to end up putting the blame on Bruce for that situation. Bizarre, I know. People attributing blame to the character who was actually abusive in the canon and being cranky that the victim of said abuse is held up as the sacrificial lamb in everyone else’s fics? Whodathunkit.

(Also a point of irritation - it never had to be just one or the other. This is where the whole ‘maybe its YOU guys who were projecting all along when you said the only reason we could have for talking about Bruce’s abuse was an intent to smear the character’ bit is a thing. See, fun fact: if you were going to ignore an issue or two in order to completely flip the narrative of what really happened with Spyral and dominate the fandom landscape for a couple of years....it never had to be Nightwing #30 that was the ONLY issue you could leave out in order to not make Bruce look like an abusive asshat. Like, there was always another option right there in front of you. You could have instead chosen to also leave out Grayson #12, aka the one where Dick informs everyone else he’s alive.....then you could very easily just sliiiiiide in reference to Bruce and Dick quietly informing the whole family of his status and his mission while insisting on keeping it quiet for his safety. Voila. NOBODY has to be an asshole then, and the whole family gets to be in the know. But see, most people didn’t actually have a problem with someone being an asshole in that story. They just didn’t want it to be Bruce, and didn’t mind it being his actual victim. 

Even though, lol, just another FYI.....abuse victims having things flipped on them so it looks like they’re the true problem and their abusers are completely innocent is a HUGE thing that happens a lot in real life, so FYI about that FYI.....anyone who does say, gravitate towards Dick Grayson specifically because of how he’s impacted or might be impacted by abuse from his father, like.....is proooooobably not going to have a super fun time with diehard commitment to making this particular fictional character the true mastermind of his family’s misery and abusive instead of the abused. Weird huh.)

And round and round it goes. Where it ends, nobody knows.....because it doesn’t. fucking. stop. The number of ways in which fandom has willfully flipped the narrative so that Dick is the aggressor instead of the aggrieved is just absolutely ridiculous. This guy has been punched by every member of his family except Duke and Alfred, and somehow he’s the one characterized as uncomfy to be around because of how volatile he is. This guy is the only one who has actually been KICKED OUT of the manor, and somehow that gets glossed over and considered out of character while he apparently definitely did very much do this exact specific thing to Tim, I hear.

And like broken records, people squawk ‘let us have our interpretations/headcanons/etc’ any time we try and make a stink about how no, actually, that’s NOT HOW IT WENT....and at the EXACT SAME TIME....most of these exact same people show up on every post that uses ACTUAL information to make Bruce or Jason or Tim or whomever look like the actual problem in a story where they were actually problematic, like, the SECOND a post gets popular enough....to derail, to condescend, to shout it down with how its just a retcon or its out of character or its just a bad take or how fans with taste know better than to take it seriously.

And why do you care? Like, if we’re all supposed to just live and let live and everyone’s allowed their own interpretations, why this everpresent need to show up all the time with a superior, patronizing ‘oof, this is just not good’ the second one of YOUR faves is in the hotseat, while condescendingly boxing out any posts informing people of how no, actually, Dick and Kory’s breakup WAS linked to Mirage and Dick and Donna’s infamous fight WASN’T the way its commonly talked about and oh yeah there was brainwashing there too and etc, etc....see, when WE do that, we’re just overacting stans who can’t stand others not liking our fave. Instead of just....trying to correct misinformation so more fans can at least engage with the character from a starting point of zero instead of a negative integer. 

So why this hypocrisy? Oh yeah, because you don’t WANT the misinformation corrected. Because see, when the misinformation IS corrected, fic writers en masse....make different choices. And that’s why ever since more people started picking up the refrain of “well no actually Dick DIDN’T hate Jason, here’s the proof”.....there’s a lot more stories out there where...shockingly....Dick doesn’t hate Jason. Which bizarrely, does not really work well for the people who WANTED Dick to hate Jason and made a point to SHAPE the narrative to make him hate Jason.....because it wasn’t about that just being their interpretation, and it never was. Because the CHOICE to cut out Dick’s ‘justification for feeling slighted’ by being fired as Robin and pair that specifically WITH Dick resenting Jason for Bruce still making him Robin instead of Dick doing it....that has a narrative cause and effect within a lot of the fics that go with this. It gives Jason eternal underdog status that makes it easy to root for him while positioning someone specifically to blame for that underdog status and unfair playing field, and it also keeps focus off Bruce as the cause of any issues between his sons due to choices HE made, thus one singular figure is positioned as the obstacle to family unity....and that figure isn’t Bruce.

And no canon to the contrary will be acknowledged as legitimate.

Convenient huh?

Especially paired with the ‘thou shalt not con crit on another’s fic’ fandom commandment. Because when you can’t complain about any fanfic depictions whatsoever without immediately and inherently being cast as the rabble-rouser by default.....the ability to shape and dominate a specific fandom narrative becomes veeeeery key. After all, another popular fandom phrase is ‘we’re not the DC writers, complain to them about canon.’ But when there’s no canon complaint to be made to DC specifically, because its not canon we’re actually upset about, and we’re not ‘allowed’ to criticize fandom depictions because people are allowed to have their interpretations......all you have to do is stand your ground and insist that the fandom depictions of Dick are nothing BUT ‘interpretations’ and not acknowledge aaaaaaany of the places where you consciously make the decision to transform canon choices and behavior around him.....and voila. You’ve wrapped everything up in a neat little logic trap. Quite the fait accompli. There’s really no way for anyone to say or do anything ABOUT this little situation here without being ‘disruptive,’ ‘divisive’ and ‘having a negative impact on fandom harmony.’

Its just always gonna be a little weird to me, how much your positivity culture looks a lot like plausible deniability culture instead.

But whatever. That’s just a me problem I guess. Definitely not something anyone else in fandom has anything to do with. Just like they have nothing to do with derailments or condescension or counter arguments to so many of the canon-based Dick Grayson posts I make, and this is also all my doing...wait...hang on. I think I got mixed up again somewhere. Dang it.

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Spring/Summer/Fall 2013 - The End(?)

Click here for an appropriately sad Swiftgron breakup playlist.

I don’t know if it’s important or not but Dianna wishes several friends a late happy birthday on twitter, apologizing for missing the actual day through this spring and summer.  It seems like maybe she’s going through something (like a bad break up?) because it’s not like her to miss friends’ birthdays.

March 26, 2013 - Maybe a relevant tweet?

April 7, 2013 - Dianna tweets a photo of James Dean in a day dream like setting:

April 16, 2013 - The article that outed them:

Someone made a fake article that said Swiftgron was dating:

Dianna tweets seven times that day which is a bit much for her.

The hashtag here stands out to me:

The fake article goes viral and all week people are tweeting about the possibility that Dianna and Taylor are dating.

April 23, 2012

It seems to culminate on this day.  Many people are buzzing about Swiftgron and this actress tweets:

That’s right at midnight.

About 12 hours later Dianna deletes her public Tumblr:

On that same day Dianna reblogs several things on her private Tumblr.  These two stand out to me:

She reblogged both of these posts and the only hashtag they had in common was “#lost love” - she was searching that hashtag.

I think it’s very clear that today is the day Swiftgron 2.0 broke up.  I believe they were forced to by their management teams due to being outed.

April 24, 2013 - Taylor seems regretful/stressed out she screenshots her text to Austin and posts:

I think Dianna’s obviously upset about this and as an act of defiance she tweets at Taylor a few days later (Taylor does not respond.)

April 29, 2013

Instead Taylor posts on Dianna’s Birthday (April 30) a silly google search (very DIanna in nature tbh) with a play on the lyrics from 22:

Taylor had the week of Dianna’s 27th birthday off of the Red tour (it was scheduled like that) but as far as we know they did not hang out.

May 4, 2013 - Ours

At her first show since their supposed break-up, Taylor performs Ours as a surprise song. She introduces it by saying: “This is a song about how, when you fall in love everybody starts to give you their opinion. I imagine it could be really hard to make a relationship last, I wouldn’t know. But, given that everyone is giving you their own opinion about it, I think that the only opinion you should really listen to is yours and if you love that person, that should be all that matters.”

Dianna dyes her hair brown and goes to Morocco a week later with Ashley (”You searched the world for something else, To make you feel like what we had”) from about May 11 - May 14 or 15.  While there she attends the A Small World relaunch. ASW could be viewed as a bit “sketchy” if you will.  I think this is where she befriends Olivia Wilde.

This is Dianna’s first (known) trip to Morocco (Derek Blasberg is there too) but she seems to be drawn there over and over again after this, even marrying Winston Marshall there (and possibly meeting another boyfriend, Gus Wenner there.)

May 19, 2013 - Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas

Taylor wins 8 awards and says this during her acceptance speech:

This and the performance of Ours makes me think Taylor is bitter about a break up right now, even though publicly she broke up with Harry back in January.

This is also the event where Taylor is famously grossed out by Justin and Selena’s hetero nonsense and does this:

It seems like as always, Taylor has a lot going on right now...some kind of drama with Justin is boiling but it’s possible she’s also referencing her breakup with Dianna in her acceptance speech.

Dianna pops back up in NYC.

May 20, 2013 - WLW icon Kristen Stewart apparently spends the night at Taylors?

May 28, 2013 - Taylor plays Haunted on the Red Tour and gives a speech:

"This is a song that I haven't played on this tour so far. It came up when one of my friends tweeted the lyrics to it today and it reminded me that I haven't played this song in about two years. It has to do with the fact that, you know people talk about ghosts all the time. You just kind of imagine it being this supernatural thing, but there's another kind of ghost and it's just a person who is out there walking in the world or just doesn't love you anymore and that's a whole different kind of being haunted." Seems like she’s really going through it.

July 2, 2013 - Anniversary of Hyannis Port trip and interesting private Tumblr post from Dianna:

Bad things happen this summer.  Cory Monteith passes away and Taylor is assaulted at a meet and greet by a DJ.

July 2013 - Dianna buys a house in LA (I Wish You Would)

August 2013 - Dianna’s whosirmesir moniker gets outed and she stops blogging under that tumblr account.

August 14, 2013 - Taylor is in a weird place according to the Lover diaries:

1.  she seems to have basically written The Lakes here

2.  she’s really harping on themes she ends up addressing in I Know Places, Out of the Woods, and Wonderland

August 29, 2013 - Dianna steps out with restaurateur Nick Mathers.  

Not sure what to make of this one.  Dianna seems to date two types of men:  1. teeny bopper actors for bearding and pr purposes (it generally seems) and 2. rich businessmen.  Nick is type 2, but their relationship is reported on as if it’s PR.  “Sources” call up gossip sites to fill them in on the relationship and both their projects get plugged along with announcements on them as a couple:

I don’t know if they were more or less legit but she goes out with Taylor five days later...

September 4, 2013 - The Fun! Concert:

Swiftgron’s last pre-Kaylor public sighting - they go to a Fun! concert in LA

It’s just a split instant of video footage but Sarah Hyland uploads this to Vine and it does not look like Dianna is enjoying herself:

Note:  It kind of looks like DIanna has her arm around Taylor’s waist and also the person to the right of Taylor is Selby Drummond who is still friends with DIanna as of writing of this masterpost (December 2020) and who still appears to be a fan of Taylor’s.

Dianna does look miserable but I do think it’s interesting they seem to be making an effort to hang out on the two year anniversary of their public (perhaps private as well) first meeting.

Dianna tweets about the concert the next day:

September 6, 2013 - Taylor plays Speak Now as the surprise song on the Red tour.  Interesting given the timing of Dianna and her new boyfriend being public just one week before this.

September 8, 2013 - Taylor plays Sad, Beautiful Tragic for the first time ever live and gives this speech:

"I kind of feel like playing a song I've never ever played live before. This is um a song that I wrote about how you know just because something's over doesn't mean it wasn't incredibly beautiful. Cause another lesson I've learned is not all stories have a happy ending and you have to learn how to deal with that. So this is a song about a story that didn't end so happily but was still supposed to happen. This is called Sad, Beautiful, Tragic."

I don’t think this song was originally written about Dianna but I do think at this time while they stumble through the last phase of their relationship Taylor was inspired to sing it.

October 2013 - Taylor writes I Wish You Would, a song inspired by an ex who had recently bought a house near her driving past her house.  It’s thought to be about Harry but Harry didn’t buy a house in LA until March 2014.  But of course we know Dianna did buy a house near Taylor’s in LA earlier this fall.

November 11, 2013 - The music video for “She’s Just Another Girl” premiers starring Dianna looking stunning in high fashion drag, dressed up as the lead singer, and lip syncing the words to the song:

Some lyrics to the song include:

All of my friends say I should move on She's just another girl, don't let her stick it to your heart so hard And all of my friends say it wasn't meant to be And it's a great big world, she's just another girl

I could be reeling them in left and right Something's got a hold on me, tonight Well maybe all of my friends should confront The fact that I don't want another girl

I think it’s at least possible that Dianna was drawn to this project because the lyrics resonated to her given what she was going through with Taylor at the time.

November 12, 2013 - Day of Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show rehearsals and Dianna posts this (now deleted) picture:

November 13, 2013 - Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show where Taylor performs and Karlie Kloss walks the runway.

Dianna posts this picture (now deleted) of her at Emma Stone’s birthday party from 11 months previous:

It’s likely she’s looking at Taylor in this photo who was seated across from her.

It’s a very random picture to post.  It wasn’t titled as a throwback and it wasn’t an exact year after the picture was taken (prompting some kind of happy birthday shout out to Emma Stone or anything) - just a random picture of Dianna smiling, likely at Taylor. 

November 17, 2013 - Dianna posts a (now deleted) photo about missing someone:

November 21, 2013 - Taylor posts lyrics from a hopeful love song about a troubled relationship:

Lyrics:

December 9, 2013 - Dianna listens to Pale Blue Eyes

Lyrics are about being emo over a lost love with Blue Eyes:

Sometimes I feel so happy Sometimes I feel so sad Sometimes I feel so happy But mostly you just make me mad Baby, you just make me madLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

Thought of you as my mountaintop Thought of you as my peak Thought of you as everything I've had, but couldn't keep I've had, but couldn't keep

Linger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

If I could make the world as pure And strange as what I see I'd put you in the mirror I put in front of me I put in front of meLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

Skip a life completely Stuff it in a cup She said, "Money is like us in time It lies, but can't stand up" Down for you is upLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyesIt was good what we did yesterday And I'd do it once again The fact that you are married Only proves you're my best friend But it's truly, truly a sinLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

December 11, 2013 - You know the drill...Dianna posts a now deleted photo to Instagram:

December 13, 2013 - Dianna posts an attention grabbing photo on Taylor’s Birthday

Conclusions - Swiftgron very clearly goes through a rough breakup due to being outed. 

Then they attempt some sort of reconciliation - even hanging out (date night?) on the second anniversary of their Fairfax Flea Market meetcute, but it goes wrong.  

Taylor is on tour for much of this time and Dianna is posting angst ridden and peculiar Instagram posts exactly at the time Taylor meets Karlie.

Click here to keep reading!

[freudensteins-monster]

You Say “Mad Scientist” Like It’s A Bad Thing

Based on my own tumblr post: 3am thoughts… Has anyone written Jane Foster as a mad scientist, I mean like a villain?

Chaotic neutral Darcy and Jane featuring modern/human SHIELD Agent Bucky.

Available on AO3.

Content Warnings: Implied/Referenced Torture, Aftermath of Torture, Amnesia, Memory Suppressing Machine | The Chair (Marvel), Dark, Sort Of, Ambiguous/Open Ending...

In a world full of megalomaniacs, straight up supervillains, and fricking aliens, mad scientists were a dime a dozen. Dr Foster was one such scientist who was quickly moving from mildly irritating to SHIELD’s Most Wanted.

Dr Foster’s gimmick was portals. She first gained international attention when she claimed responsibility (via an untraceable Instagram account, @dr-mthrfckng-foster) for diverting LA’s 405 to a dirt road in rural Australia. Then came a string of impossible robberies – bank vaults and the private collections of the world's richest assholes stripped bare in seconds. Then she created a portal that caused an Indonesian typhoon to bear down on Wall Street, flooding the trading floor. And then she robbed a top secret government black site of some classified technology.

And that’s when Director Nick Fury made finding and stopping Dr Foster SHIELD’s number one priority.

Agent James Barnes had been stuck on suspension for two weeks, with two more to go, and was itching to get back into the field. He had way too much free time on his hands: he’d caught up on his sleep and everything in his Netflix queue. He’d cleaned out his refrigerator, done laundry and enough meal prep to last him until next month. He’d caught up with his family, cleaned his whole goddamn apartment twice, and now he was well and truly bored.

He was out for his fifth run of the week (and it wasn’t even Wednesday) when his work phone rang.

“Thank Christ,” he muttered before answering.

“Barnes.”

“It’s Hill. How’s the arm?”

“Fine,” Barnes grunted, rotating his metal shoulder irritably. “You got something for me?”

“Are you up for a recon mission?”

Usually he would have protested. He headed tactical units. He was an elite ‘first through the door’ kind of field agent. Not that he couldn’t be stealthy and patient - he’d been a sniper in the army for christ's sake - but going unnoticed in public was kind of a problem for him these days; he’d have to wear jackets and gloves in the middle of August to hide his prosthetic for starters.

On the other hand, his mother had been calling him every second day to feed him carb-heavy meals in exchange for help around the house, all while dropping not-so-subtle hints that he should start dating again. Requests for more grandchildren couldn’t be far behind.

“I’ll be there in thirty.”

Thirty-five minutes later Agent Barnes was back at his desk at SHIELD HQ perusing through the increasingly large file of one Dr Jane Foster. 

She had been a brilliant student and had earned a PhD in Astrophysics from Culver University by the age of 25. By all accounts she should have been one of the leading researchers in her field, and if doctoral programs handed out superlatives Dr Foster’s would have been “Most Likely To Win a Nobel Prize By 30”. 

Unfortunately for Dr Foster, and the rest of the world, she had been forced from that path by a sexist tenured professor who publicly denounced her theories, and the woman herself, as crazy, discredited her published work, and used his influence to ensure she was denied all of the more lucrative research grants.

When federal agents went to interview him after the 405 incident they found his office looking like a tornado had gone through it and the professor himself was nowhere to be found. A few weeks later he stumbled into a US Embassy in Russia after being found wandering in from the forests outside Vladivostok, half mad and still decrying the evils of allowing women into scientific fields.

He had been placed into witness protection and promptly admitted into a psychiatric facility under his new name, and was being monitored by several undercover agents in case Dr Foster felt like punishing him some more. 

Anyone else who had a part in ruining Dr Foster’s legitimate career was also under surveillance, as was her mother in London, a terrified ex-boyfriend in Boston, and a handful of known associates, though Dr Foster hadn’t been in contact with any of them in years.

SHIELD and other federal agencies had tried the usual methods of tracking down a rogue mad scientist. They tried to find out where her base of operations was, firstly by looking for any properties in her name, but Dr Foster had been a broke student with an impressive amount of debt (until the day she decided to wipe it, and the rest of Culver’s student debt, out). So if she had property it would definitely not be in her legal name and all but impossible to trace back to her. Then they tried to look for drains on the powergrid. However she managed to generate her portals - SHIELD scientists still hadn’t figured that out - it surely had to be using huge amounts of electricity. So far they’d found six grow labs and two server rooms running illegal god-knows-what, but no Dr Foster.

Agent Barnes read the file twice, reviewed all the transcripts of the interviews with her known associates, and came to one very important conclusion: she had an accomplice. 

As smart as Dr Foster was there was nothing in her academic history to suggest that she had a background in computer science that would account for the notable hacks and the untraceable nature of her activities. To add to that several interviewees had made passing remarks about her not having a cell phone for most of her academic career, and how she had zero interest in social media.

Two days later, after getting the okay for a field trip from Hill, Agent Barnes made his way to Culver University to speak to anyone who had even the vaguest recollection of Dr Foster. And that’s how he learnt about the intern.

He’d started by dropping by one of the physics labs where Dr Foster had spent most of her time, and by pure chance met a doctoral candidate who remembered her, and her intern.

“I think her name was Darlene. Glasses. Always on her phone.”

…which led him to the academic advisor who put the two of them together...

“Darcy. Darcy Lewis. She was actually a PoliSci major but left it too late and Dr Foster’s internship was the only one available. She had only been working with her for a few weeks before… before Dr Foster’s funding was revoked and she was asked to leave.”

...who pointed him to one of Darcy’s former professors…

“Average student. Good debater. Often late, and always had a coffee in her hand.”

...who gave him a few names of some former classmates who might remember her…

“Not the worst person to be stuck with on a group assignment. Pulled her weight. Obsessed with her stupid iPod.”

“I swear she lived off pop tarts and coffee. And not Starbucks either. Some stupid hipster chain.”

“Deja Brew. Serious problem. Went through one of those loyalty punch cards every week. Always complained about having to go home for the holidays and resort to big chain coffee shops.”

...which had him driving out to Darcy Lewis’ hometown, located a few hours south of Roanoke, Virginia, stopping first at the local high school to speak to the school principal…

“She’d always been good with computers but wasn’t allowed to use them at home for some reason so she spent a lot of time at the local library using theirs. We had to suspend her once. One of her classmates accused her of accepting payment from other students to hack the school’s records and alter their grades. Their grades were definitely getting altered, but we couldn’t get any concrete proof it was her.”

...who was able to find a photo of 16 year old Darcy in an old yearbook and told him what bar he could find Darcy’s mother in.

“She knows not to come to me if she’s in the shit, because I would call the cops in a heartbeat. Especially after that stunt she pulled before she went off to college…”

“What stunt was that, Ms Bennett?” Agent Barnes asked patiently, hoping he wouldn’t have to enable her alcoholism to get some useful information. 

“I made some mistakes, okay,” she slurred defensively. “I was having an affair with my boss. Don’t know how Darcy knew. She told her stepfather but he didn’t believe her. Then a few weeks later we went out to dinner for my boss’s birthday... all the tv’s in the bar start showing security camera footage of us falling into offices and motel rooms. Took her all of a minute to ruin two marriages and a law firm.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he replied diplomatically. “Is there anyone she could turn to for help? Her father, perhaps.”

“He died when she was about twelve. They were as thick as thieves,” she recalled with a tinge of bitterness.

“Was there any place that was special to them? Someone she might go to ground?”

She shook her head. “He used to rent this old cabin near the Catskills off a buddy of his every other year. Winter or summer, Darcy loved it. But it's long gone. Forest fire, I think, the year before his accident.”

Back in his car Agent Barnes reviewed the data points.

Dr Foster had a base of operations somewhere. Had to be private, and as best SHIELD could guess it must be off the grid and Dr Foster must be generating her own power.

Dr Foster was a space nut at heart, and while an abandoned observatory might be too much to ask for, she’d probably want somewhere with minimal light pollution.

And while they could portal anywhere, neither of them spoke any other languages and had no familiarity with any international locations, so they were most likely still State-side. (Dr Foster’s mother had moved to London when Jane was twenty-three, but she’d never found the time to visit.)

Miss Lewis was familiar with the Catskills area. A base of operations there could be very isolated.

Dr Foster was most likely building and modifying her own own equipment so she had to be able to access materials. Sure, she could portal to her local hardware store, but having Darcy drive into the nearest town for supplies would attract less attention.

Miss Lewis had an addiction to coffee procured from Deja Brew, a small hipster chain with only a handful of locations along on the east coast. While she could have found another way to get her caffeine fix, people were creatures of habit.

Miss Lewis was also known for stocking up on poptarts. In one of the only images of the other side of one of Dr Foster’s portals there was what appeared to be, if one squinted, a box of limited edition pop tarts on a counter.

He plugged it all into SHIELD fancy search engines and got a few results back. The most promising was an abandoned ski chalet turned abandoned research station halfway up a mountain, an hour drive away from an up and coming tourist town, whose main street hosted a Deja Brew cafe. They also had a small mom and pop hardware store, as well as a post office, and a grocery store that had still been selling pumpkin pie pop tarts around the time Dr Foster’s portal had been caught on camera.

Agent Barnes came to with a groan. The flesh of his shoulder where it met his prosthetic felt like it was on fire, and he was pretty sure he could smell fried wiring.

The research station had come up in SHIELD’s initial search for a potential mad scientist's lair, but had been dismissed for not using any power and for not sending back any heat signature readings. Perhaps they’d found a way to fool the scanners. Or maybe they just weren’t in the day the readings were taken. Whatever the reason, Agent Barnes had a good feeling about it. He filled his tank up at the nearest gas station and got on the highway, forgoing checking in at the Triskelion on his way past in favour of driving all night. He’d call Hill when he had something solid. 

** *** **

“Fuck…”

He willed his eyes open and came face to face with Darth Vader.

Barnes reeled back at the sound of the synthesized voice. “Who sent you? Who do you work for?! The Rebellion?” 

“What the fuck!”

It took him until his eyes adjusted to the fluorescent lighting to realise that Darth Vader was wearing a grey knit dress and black tights. Darth Vader laughed and ripped off his mask to reveal a smiling bespectacled brunette underneath. The accomplice. Darcy Lewis.

“Sorry, I was just messing with you, dude,” she teased, tossing the mask over her shoulder. “I’ve always wanted to do that. But seriously, who do you work for? Who knows you’re here?”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” he lied. “I was just camping in the woods, man. I saw the lights and decided to check it out,” he rambled in a lazy Canadian accent. “How the hell did I get here? Did you electrocute me?”

He used his not-quite fake panic to test the limits of his restraints. He’d been strapped into some sort of junkstore barber chair, with thick metal shackles locked around his wrists, ankles, and chest. His metal arm could probably make quick work of them but the damn thing was not responding. His panic became a little less fake.

“Just camping, huh?” she echoed back with a raised eyebrow, leaning forward to the point where Barnes couldn’t avoid getting a good look down her top and the 15-carat pink diamond (worth about 40mil and reported stolen in one of Dr Foster’s vault heists two months ago) hanging around her neck. “So that wasn’t you poking around town this morning?” she asked pointedly, drawing his attention to the wall of monitors he hadn’t noticed showing various street cameras around the town. “I’ve got eyes and ears everywhere, dude. You got into town bright and early in a beat up looking truck with plates that didn’t exist two weeks ago and started flashing my yearbook photo around. So, who do you work for?”

He levelled his best steely-eyed agent stare at her and switched back to his native pissed-off Brooklynite accent. “I ain’t tellin you shit, sweetheart.”

“C’mon now,” she cooed, taking a seat on his lap. “Who do you work for? FBI? Interpol? SHIELD? Crawford County Library Services? Listen, I was totally going to return Eat Pray Love, but we had to skip town in a hurry and it got lost in the move. I will totally pay to replace it.”

Years of training (and regular poker games with the Black Widow) had taught him to school his features, even if that last one threw him for a loop.

“Nothing? You sure you don’t want to talk to me? Fine,” she whined. “Jane!”

It was only then that Barnes switched his focus from his captor to his surroundings and realised that there was another occupant puttering about on the other side of the large telescope that took pride of place on a hydraulic platform underneath the research station's retractable roof. The infamous Dr Foster.

“Jane!”

“What?” came the irritated reply. 

“Come over here and practise your monologue. Look! You’ve got a captive audience and everything!” she announced, laughing at her own joke. 

“I don’t have time, Darcy,” the disgruntled voice argued. 

“Hey! I spent two days writing up that monologue, the least you can do is spend twenty-five minutes reading it out loud so I can make sure it doesn’t make you sound too much like a cartoon villain.” 

“Twenty-five minutes?! Are you kidding me?” Dr Foster stormed out from behind the telescope to wave a wrench at her assistant. She looked less put together than her ID photo, appearing to be long overdue for both a shower and a nap. “I’m in the middle of something. I’ve almost figured the problem with the mobile portal generator, and… Darcy, why is there a man tied to a chair in my lab?”

“This man?” Darcy snorted, taking Barnes’s chin in her hands and wiggling it about. “This is the intruder. You remember the intruder alert, like fifteen minutes ago? Lots of flashing lights and alarms? Well, I found this guy passed out on the lawn. For most people, hitting my force field would be like getting lightly tased, but this bad boy,” she continued, tapping a fingernail against his dead metal arm, “meant you ended up getting the full 50,000 volts to your heart. Thanks for letting me practice my CPR by the way,” she added with a wink.

“It’s not a force field, Darcy. It’s a glorified invisible pet fence, upsized and modified so it reacts to the electrical impulses in the human body.”

“It keeps people out; I’m calling it a force field.”

This was definitely the weirdest interrogation he had endured by a large margin, Barnes mused as he followed their bickering like a pingpong game.

“Who is he, Darcy?” Jane sighed wearily. “What is he doing here?”

“Fiiiine. Janey, meet Agent James Barnes of SHIELD.”

“What?! SHIELD?!!”Jane screeched. “Why did you bring him here?”

“He found us, Jane. What was I supposed to do?”

“Something other than bringing him inside our secret hideout.”

“I am not killing him and burying him in the woods; I just did my nails.”

Jane scowled, turning the full force of her overtired fury on James. “Why can’t you SHIELD issue jackbooted thugs just leave me alone? Can’t you understand how important my work is? I am challenging the very foundations of modern science - of the laws of the universe! I am on the verge of a breakthrough! And if you or Nick Fury think you can stop me, you’ve got another thing coming!”

Before his mouth could betray him and ask how the hell they knew his boss Darcy spoke up.

“A little off script, but I like the energy, Jane. Very much the mad scientist vibe we’re going for. But next time, try not to make it so personal – we’ve got to hide the target of our frustrations, remember? Instead of saying “SHIELD” say “government”, instead of saying “Nick Fury” say “president”.”

“Right, right,” Jane nodded absently, tapping the side of her head with the wrench she had just been waving around like a weapon.

“Now, go back to work. I’ll handle this.”

“Okay, thanks Darce. Oh, have you seen my soldering iron around?”

“It’s in the locked cabinet because you’re not allowed to use it unsupervised, you know that. Gimme ten minutes, I’ll bring it to you.”

Jane wandered back to her side of the observatory, muttering under her breath, leaving Barnes at Darcy’s mercy.

“She’s not the criminal mastermind here, is she?” he wondered, his eyes roaming over the strange cupcake of a woman in his lap.

“Not exactly,” Darcy admitted. “I mean, it’s not like she set out to be a mad scientist. I kind of rebranded her after that little freeway incident.”

“Rebranded?”

“Yeah. She was in a bad way after New Mexico and then when the first live test of her portal engine went a little sideways I didn’t want dudebros on the internet coming after her, so I changed the narrative. Instead of ‘girl scientist makes mistake, should stick to making sandwiches’ I changed it to ‘Dr Foster, genius astrophysicist, causes chaos, totally on purpose.’”

“And all those robberies?”

“I may have encouraged that. I’m all for sticking it to the one percenters, and Jane needed to fund her experiments somehow,” she added with a shrug.

“So Jane’s the absent-minded professor and you’re the brains behind this operation, huh?”

Darcy laughed and slid out of his lap causing a distracting amount of friction. “I’m really not. So you, Coulson, and Fury should be really, really scared.”

“How do you know those names?” he had to know, cover be damned.

“You don’t know? Of course you don’t,” she huffed. “Fury and his clearance levels. I’d tell you to ask him about New Mexico sometime, but you’re not going to be able to.”

“Why not? What are you going to do to me?” Barnes fretted, unable to ignore the sinking feeling that he was in big trouble; she wouldn’t have told him anything if she intended on letting him walk out of here.

“Oh, relax. I’m not going to kill you. I’m just gonna scramble your brain a little.”

She circled his chair, flipping switches as she went, and something behind him started humming ominously.

“So, admittedly I didn’t major in hard sciences. I had an ex who did, but he also fancied himself something of a cat burglar, so when he went to jail I liberated all his college textbooks and gave myself a crash course in electrical engineering. And it helped that those HYDRA designs were really easy to follow.”

“HYDRA?” Barnes cursed.

HYDRA had been the scientific branch of the Nazi regime and believed that discovery required (human) experimentation. They were supposedly eradicated at the end of WWII but Project Paperclip saved some of HYDRA’s greatest minds, giving them immunity in exchange for their genius. If Foster or, more worryingly, Darcy had aligned themselves with some surviving HYDRA faction the results could be catastrophic.

“Yeah, I found them in that SHIELD warehouse when we recovered Jane’s stolen research.”

“What are you talking about?”

“They just call it ‘The Chair’, which is totally not creepy at all,” she continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “And this is the Halo,” she added, drawing Barnes’s attention to the whirring circle of metal that was lowering itself over his head.

“What the hell are you doing?” he shouted, renewing his efforts to break free of his restraints. “Get that piece of scrap metal the fuck away from me!”

“Hey! Don’t mock my work. It may look like I raided a junkyard for the components - and I did - but my welding game is on point. It’s totally safe. Mostly safe. It’s just going to send focused electrical pulses to your…” she paused to consult some smudged writing on her hand, “hippocampus and prefrontal cortex.”

The Halo stopped moving and two metal plates extended, pressing against the sides of his head, holding it like a vice.

“Please… don’t do this,” he begged as she approached him with a rubber mouthguard.

“C’mon, open wide. You don’t want to end up braindead and unable to chew your food,” she jested, waving the thing in front of him. “Oh, just one question before I fry your brain,” she added just when he was about to give in. “How did you find us? I was so careful,” she whined.

Agent Barnes, terrified as he was, still managed to look smug at his small, short lived success. “Deja Brew coffee.”

“Curses!” she wailed theatrically. “Betrayed by my one true love!” 

Darcy huffed and quickly returned her attention to the matter at hand. 

“Thanks for that,” she said with a smile as she forced him to bite down on the mouthguard. “I’ll know better for next time. Start making my own coffee at home… but it never tastes as good,” she muttered to herself.

She stepped away from him and bent down to pick up a similarly frankensteined industrial remote with long wires snaking back to the chair and a clichéd big red button at its centre. He began struggling anew, screaming around the foul tasting rubber, begging for mercy.

She took great delight in his terrified expression and put on her best supervillain voice, “Give my regards to Nick Fury.”

Nick Fury observed his agent from behind a two way mirror as he sat behind a table in an interrogation room. Barnes had been sitting there for the past hour as still as a statue, except for his unfocused eyes which flitted about the room. 

In true horror movie fashion, Agent Barnes’ screams echoed down the mountainside like an avalanche, sending animals fleeing in terror for miles around.

** *** **

Local LEO’s had found him wandering aimlessly down a stretch of highway just outside the ruins of what had previously been Puente Antiguo, New Mexico, and ten minutes after they ran his prints Agent Romanoff had been on a quinjet to collect him. She’d been directed to the nearest hospital and found him sitting up on a bed but not responding or reacting to any of the medical staff as they buzzed around him. Agent Romanoff took a cautious step forward and held her breath as his unfocused eyes settled on her. 

“Hello James...”

An excruciating minute later the veil lifted and he attempted a smile. 

“Hey Tasha.”

She’d brought him back to base and dragged him to SHIELD’s medical bay for more tests - not that Barnes put up much of a fight, in fact he was terrifyingly compliant. The SHIELD doctors confirmed what the New Mexico doctors suspected: the bruising and electrical burns around his temples and his memory loss were indicative of some back alley version of electroshock therapy. His memories should come back in time - how long was anybody’s guess - but for the moment Agent James Barnes had no memory of the last four weeks.

Fury picked up a tablet with depressingly little information on its screen and stepped into the room, waiting for Barnes eyes to focus on him before taking a seat. 

“Agent Barnes.”

“Director.”

“I know you’re probably sick of questions by now, but I have a few more for you, if that’s alright.”

“Yeah, sure…”

It rankled Fury to no end how meak and passive Barnes seemed. Heaven help him, he missed the argumentative sonofabitch.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Being called into your office.”

“What for?”

“I punched Rumlow.”

“Why?”

“He was bragging about taking advantage of a drunk woman at a club when he was last on leave. He didn’t like me calling out his shitty behaviour. He punched me, I punched him back.”

Fury sighed. He hadn't gotten a straight answer out of Barnes at the time of the incident and he couldn’t feel happy about getting one now. 

“Do you remember what happened once I called you into my office?”

His brow creased and his eyes zipped back and forth like the carriage of a printer as his mind searched for the elusive memory.

“You suspended me?”

“I did,” Fury confirmed. “For a whole month. But two weeks into it I pulled you in for a special assignment.”

Barnes tensed, shrinking in on himself. The confusion about his lost time seemed to be the only thing that got under his skin, but only when someone brought it up. Once the moment passed he forgot to be concerned about it.

Fury took pity on him. “For the past two weeks I had you running down leads on the whereabouts of Dr Jane Foster.”

“The scientist with the portals? Did she do this to me?”

“It’s not exactly her MO, but then again no law enforcement agency’s ever managed to have a confrontation with her. Never had the chance. Those portals of hers let her keep at a distance. You might have been the first person to have a face to face with her, but I can’t confirm it because I don’t know where the hell you were when this happened,” he grumbled, letting a little more of his usual exasperated tone filter through. “You missed check in by two days. The last we heard from you, you were at Culver running down leads on what you said was a potential accomplice. We found your car in Tromso, Norway, a day after you were found on the side of a road in New Mexico. You don’t appear on any security footage or speed cameras in the area. There’s no activity on your work or personal credit cards. Your activity logs on our highly secure system for the last two weeks are nonexistent, as are your call logs on your work phone. Even the messages you sent Romanoff from your personal phone complaining about your assignment have since been deleted - from her phone too. She’s real pissed about it. As far as your digital footprint is concerned you disappeared from a gas station outside Roanoke, Virginia, last week - do you know how weird it is to know you were headed out towards a place called Roanoke only to up and vanish?” He sighed at Barnes’ painful silence. “Is there anything you can remember, anything at all about Dr Foster or her accomplice? Anything that will help us catch up to you without talking to everyone on campus to figure out what you discovered?”

Barnes’ brow creased in painful confusion.

“I think… I think I saw Darth Vadar.”

Director Fury blinked. “Right…” He took a deep breath to stop himself from venting his frustrations at Barnes, the sorry bastard looked like a kicked puppy as it was. Instead he got up and tapped the tablet against the metal tabletop harder than strictly necessary. “Well, I’ll just go put out a BOLO out for Darth Vadar then.”

“Okay,” Barnes murmured, and promptly zoned out again.

Agent Romanoff exited the viewing room looking uncharacteristically unsettled. 

“I want a full detail on him at all times,” Fury ordered as he stormed off towards the elevators. Hill had just stepped off and was looking even more grim than usual. “Until his memories come back he’s vulnerable, and once they do he’ll be a target.”

“I’ll get a STRIKE team on it. Not Rumlow’s.”

“Get another one along with any assets currently not on assignment. Flood that campus, interrogate everybody. I wanna know who the hell Dr Foster’s accomplice is, and I wanna know yesterday. Understood?”

“I think we might have more pressing concerns, sir,” Hill reported, tapping at her tablet as it beeped erratically. “Coulson’s said there’s an issue with the Tesseract. Dr. Selvig read an energy surge from it fifteen minutes ago.”

“NASA didn't authorise Selvig to test phase,” he grunted, taking the tablet from Hill.

“He wasn't testing it, he wasn't even in the room. Spontaneous advancement.”

“Motherfucker.”

[lucky-sevens]

mechanisms fiction!

also known as: i read all the fiction so you don’t have to!

under the cut: summaries of each fiction, word count, and content warnings! the summaries are of my own writing, and unlike the ones on the website, i’ve opted for useful rather than intriguing. i’ve also ordered the list to make a bit more sense/fit better timeline-wise!

some of the fiction has an audio version; i’ve included links to TheVoidSings’ lyric videos of said audio where applicable!

i’ve put the ones with relevant lore in bold, the ones i personally like in italics, and i’ve put a * after all the ones that include the mechs!

AURORA AND THE CREW

breakup*

summary: nastya and aurora have an argument and then both go off to sulk. mostly focuses on nastya. interesting thing: scuzz is in this one!

word count: 707

content warnings: implied nsfw

the story of the toy soldier*

summary: it’s the toy soldier’s backstory! covers what’s probably at least a decade and has a lot of lore! also has illustrations, most likely courtesy of ts!

word count: 605

content warnings: murder, images of choking, implied rape

who killed doctor carmilla?*

summary: carmilla’s just been pushed out an airlock and various mechanisms are going around trying to get an alibi out of everyone.

word count: 647

content warnings: n/a

interview transcript 34/08/7012*

summary: a police officer attempts to interview jonny when he’s in prison. includes a lot of information about him that’s nice to have for characterization!

word count: 782

content warnings: discussed murder, including child murder; attempted suicide

archive footage*

summary: an ivy character study, pretty much! goes into her fucked up brain and how it works. one of my personal favorites, as it’s very well written.

word count: 1390

content warnings: death, minor blood/gore

octokittens*

summary: a short one-off featuring some ashes and jonny banter!

word count: 208

content warnings: guns, animal death

feeding the octokittens*

summary: another one-off: this one has some quality tim, ivy, and nastya content. very fun!

word count: 455

content warnings: animal death

tales of the blogbot*

summary: comes off as an odd fiction, addressing the ‘blogbot’, the thing that used to send out the updates on the mechs mailing list (among other things) and makes passive-aggressive comments about them occasionally. goes through a few answers to what the bot is, and comes to no conclusion, but directly links to the next fiction in my list, ‘ghost in the machine’.

word count: 988

content warnings: referenced mass murder, implied nsfw

ghost in the machine*

summary: what happened to aurora’s programmer when jonny and carmilla took over ‘her’ ship (which is explained/expanded on in ‘how the aurora was won’); lots of aurora lore, as well as a more close view into the actual atrocities the mechanisms commit.

word count: 1152

content warnings: death

how the aurora was won*

jonny steals the aurora from the cyberian navy, in the most unsettling way possible!

word count: 631

content warnings: suicide, graphic depictions of violence

a bedtime story*

some fluffy nastyaurora for the soul!

word count: 326

content warnings: n/a

drive the cold winter away*

part of a group with cyberian demons and nomadic spacers! i think i’ve arranged them chronologically, but might have messed it up.

nastya visits the ruins of cyberia. jonny and ashes are there.

word count: 432

content warnings: n/a

cyberian demons*

a nastya character study- reflections on her memories, as she works on destroying what is left of cyberia.

word count: 1699

content warnings: blood, violence

nomadic spacers*

an outsider pov on the events of ‘drive the cold winter away’ and ‘cyberian demons’.

word count: 1120

content warnings: death

out*

nastya leaves the mechanisms for good after she finds her love, aurora, is no longer who she once was; presumably, this is her death.

word count: 1210

content warnings: suicide

ONCE UPON A TIME [IN SPACE]

gingerbread

hansel and gretal’s villain origin story! (they were the scientists speaking in ‘the twins’)

word count: 609

content warnings: child neglect, murder, needles/syringes

midnight

a bit of a cinders character study/some more of her backstory!

word count: 628

content warnings: n/a

mirror, mirror (audio version here!)

post-pump shanty/snow’s flight. the beginning of snow’s descent into a worse person, and how it overlaps with the myth of snow white/how she begins to take on the role of the evil queen.

word count: 860

content warnings: smoking

a fireside chat

a radio broadcast by scheherazade, king cole’s chief propaganda minister.

word count: 842

content warnings: mentions of concentration camps, death, and bombings

a rebel yell (audio version here!)

counter to ‘a fireside chat’- a radio broadcast by tom thumb, the voice of the rebellion! one of my personal favorites, as it’s very funny.

word count: 574

content warnings: mentions of mass murder

chapter’s end*

mad jack spratt and jonny d’ville play cards.

word count: 790

content warnings: discussions of death

by any other name

basically all the lore around briar rose, in a form of a report by hood, the rebellion’s hacker!

word count: 2023

content warnings: murder, graphic depictions of violence

this little piggy

all of the (incredibly fucked up) lore around the three little pigs!

word count: 993

content warnings: child abuse, brainwashing, non-consensual body modification, medical abuse (it’s a very intense one, please stay safe!)

what big eyes

all the lore we have on hood, in the form of king cole’s intelligence officers trying to figure it out.

word count: 1946

content warnings: mentions of war crimes and death

in the army*

the toy soldier and a group of rose reds hang out in a bar together! it’s a very fun one, with lots of banter! presumably takes place before the toy soldier met the mechanisms, but we don’t know that for sure. lots of lore about the rose reds, as well!

word count: 707

content warnings: mentions of war crimes and death

true love

colonel belle’s report on her efforts to manipulate adam ‘the beast’ bete into joining the resistance. (the mechs’ take on beauty and the beast). also a small bit of lore about rose!

word count: 1151

content warnings: manipulation, torture, unhealthy relationships

one thousand and two

a character study of scheherazade- the thoughts running through her head as rebels are about to find and kill her.

word count: 2236

content warnings: suicide; mentions of torture, concentration camps, and child death

ever after*

you know how jonny was being annoyingly cryptic about what happened to briar rose! well, they have a fiction that says!

word count: 680

content warnings: graphic depictions of violence

ULYSSES DIES AT DAWN

you’ll have to tell us the story sometime*

the mechanisms explore the ruins of the city, thousands of years after the events of ulysses dies at dawn!

word count: 469

content warnings: n/a

death in the metropolis

not anything super relevant- a news article about gang violence and the increased shifts for acheron workers as a result, setting a bit of a mood for the city as a whole. establishes hermes’ role in olympus.

word count: 547

content warnings: nothing to note, but there’s the background fucked-up-ness of the city going on and mentioned!

how not to die

another news article, this one focused on a group of people (’helljumpers’) trying to escape the acheron.

word count: 926

content warnings: suicide

fao: hermes – not urgent

a bit of a followup to the previous two fictions! the editor, herodotus, gets in trouble for discussing the helljumpers.

word count: 453

content warnings: n/a

orpheus, dionysus, muriatic acid and the strange whirring thing*

a look into orpheus’ character and how he ended up in the ulysses job! (mechs don’t heavily feature- just a note of the role brian took on, as well as mentions of ashes of course)

word count: 5017

content warnings: addiction, suicidal thoughts, police; implied nsfw, but only in the context of orpheus being a sex worker

orpheus and narcissus go to the seaside

i personally really love this one! it’s low-key the mechanisms’ take on the great gatsby- takes place a few years prior to the above fiction, and explores orpheus and narcissus’ friendship! it’s morbidly funny, with lots of very good banter/interaction! 

word count: 6300

content warnings: eating disorders, addiction, implied nsfw (again in the context of sex work), suicidal thoughts, mental institutions (even if that’s not normally a problem for you, they get very dark and graphic, so be careful), non-consensual drugging; technically self-harm, but it’s a lighthearted joke

in the madness of war

how ulysses was forced into the war (a darker take on the story about him attempting to avoid it at first).

word count: 817

content warnings: n/a

the hacker’s mistake (a fiction to accompany prometheus)

prometheus is revealed as corrupt, but that doesn’t stop people from believing in him, so he is made an example of.

word count: 903

content warnings: torture

one of the chosen

another low-lore worldbuilding piece- this one about a teenage girl who gets conscripted to the acheron early.

word count: 824

content warnings: n/a (it’s fairly dark, though, so be careful).

eskhatos*

after the events of ulysses dies at dawn, the mechanisms leave, but not without causing a bit of chaos first.

word count: 464

content warnings: cannibalism

HIGH NOON OVER CAMELOT

the fastest shot

guinevere’s backstory! 

word count: 792

content warnings: murder, child abuse, alcoholism

the sharpest aim

a western-style tall tale, starring lancelot!

word count: 1667

content warnings: relationship abuse, murder, violence

i will rule this town*

another personal favorite! expanding on ‘ten caliber railgun he got off a bandit in the flooded sectors’, it deals with arthur’s attempts to bring down nimue, the lady of the lake, and gain control! also has some lancelot/arthur/guinevere fluff, and a bit of an insight into his friendship with brian- as well as his original hopeful mindset, and how that diminished.

word count: 1488

content warnings: murder, drowning

the wake

morgan le fay (mordred’s surrogate mother)’s funeral, and mordred’s decision to go seek out camelot.

word count: 1045

content warnings: death (but only in the context of it being a funeral), cultural cannibalism

pellinore and the beast (audio version here)

this one’s a bit of an odd one- i’ve included it for the sake of completion, as it’s on the fiction list, but it’s just the lyrics to the mechs song pellinore and the beast? i’ve excluded the word count and content warnings for this one, as it’s literally just the lyrics. unsure of what to do here.

OTHER

the prisoner of dorian gray

the mechanisms’ take on the story of dorian grey! this one is part fiction, part song lyrics with a note of the tune they should be sung to.

word count: 1746

content warnings: suicide, torture

and that’s it! the fiction is all very good and well written, and i’d highly recommend reading at least a few of these!