#what do i even do when im not being lovebombed from day one

[jonnybyfayewebster]

falling in love is stupid and horrific and every time i feel the urge to tell him i love him somebody should appear and shoot me in the head

[lightfeltmemories]

episode one: phantom troupe and romance; headcanons from least toxic, to most toxic

characters include: chrollo, machi, pakunoda, shizuku, uvogin, shalnark, feitan, phinks, bonolenov, kortopi, hisoka, illumi, nobunaga, franklin. (not in order)

tw's: nsfw but nothing explicit, mentions of non-con, spoilers for the deaths of pakunoda, shalnark, kortopi and uvogin, toxic relationships, lovebombing, mentions of torture (not on reader), mentions of cheating, mentions of reader's death,

notes: a completely self indulgent post, you can probably tell who im biased towards by how long certain sections are.

because this contains mentions of nsfw, do not interact if you are under 18, you will be blocked if you do !! also, do not leave negative comments please, they will be deleted :)

pakunoda

out of everyone, guaranteed, she'll be the best partner out of everyone else, you might even end up shocked that she's apart of the troupe if it ever comes to you finding out.

she's a darling, spoils and cares for you like anyone else, a great listener and partakes in your interests in hobbies, its (almost) like a fairytale by how the relationship is, the troupe knows you but you don't know them! and she wants to keep it that way, of course still she's a murderer, so it would break her if you were to have found out about everything, she vowed to never let you know or even have you close to knowing about what she does, but you just can't help but wonder what she's doing when she's away for long periods of time.

until it comes to her death.

now, you eventually find out that she died from a close friend of hers, but he knows paku doesn't want you to know about the troupe, so, he's a bit vague, and a bit creepy.

--

nobunaga

personally out of everyone else, i feel like nobunaga would be other most normal when it comes to relationships, but then again, he's an enigma, he doesn't strike me as the type to be the best boyfriend literally ever or very very toxic, i feel like out of everyone else, if you're looking for someone to be in a semi normal relationship with, nobunaga is your best shot, but of course, he's a part of the phantom troupe, and any member apart of it isn't exactly the best partner by default.

he's still a murder and thief, like all members i believe that he would definitely steal things that remind him of you, he'd most definitely kill for you.

unlike someone like feitan or machi, he doesn't exactly have a problem with being vulnerable when you get to know him, he'll tell you about himself, and of course, because he's a criminal he can't exactly tell you what he does for a living, but can't bring himself to lie about it either, he's just hoping that one day, if you know, you won't leave or judge him for it, his childhood isn't exactly all sunshines and lolipops, y'know?

he'll love you from the ends of the earth, but he definitely won't let you walk all over him, quick to put your in your place and won't allow you to manipulate him, he won't lie to you (about trivial things, at least) so why should you? (who knows, maybe you're apart of a criminal organization and is pretty much a wanted criminal yourself :P)

--

bonolenov

similar to nobunaga i think if you want something that's somewhat normal, bonolenov is also a nice choice! (100% not putting him up so high because we don't really know that much about him it's totally because he would be a decent partner! honest!)

for one, you would definitely be introduced to usual romantic gestures and advances that come from his tribe, he'll tell you all about how things work with him, he'll do dances he learned when they were still here for you to show how much he adores you, and dresses you in garments that resemble such from his tribe, it's pretty cute, honestly!

now, what concerns him a bit is.. how you'll react without his bandages, he's not exactly sexy like chrollo but (to me, TO MEEEEEE) he's not the ugliest thing in the world! he just hopes that eventually if you see him in his true form, you don't scream and run away at the sight of him, its okay if you do! ..... kind of.

and if you don't, oh you'll mean so much to him!

--

kortopi

now, here's another one we don't know much about! but i'll try my best either way (i just want to contribute to the lack of attention him and bono get in these spaces.) he's another somewhat normal one, he also doesn't strike me as the type to be the absolute worst, but still is apart of a troupe of murderers and thieves.

similar to everyone else, he'll steal and kill for you (idk if this guy even has a body count but lets pretend he does.) and is a lot more open to being vulnerable than some other members.

now, nine times out of ten you'll be taller than him because this guy is even shorter than feitan, so, he'll definitely be wearing your t-shirts and hoodies, and he ain't complaining about it!

and eventually, he dies, now, honestly, something told you that kortopi seemed... like the odd one out when it came to the troupe, he doesn't seem like the type to be apart of... that! you better hope that hisoka doesn't care about you, or things are gonna turn ugly faster than you can blink.

--

uvogin

he's big (as hell), but he's sweeter (you know why they're in bold italics) than the others twice his size.

physically the strongest, you're rather lucky to have him has your partner, if someone won't stop messing with you, they're dead within a millisecond, or at least scared off since you know.. he isn't exactly built like the average guy and having someone that's eight foot fucking two walking up on you not really excited to see you is quite terrifying, depending on his mood they'll sometimes get away.... sometimes.

enough of that, how is it like when it's just the two of you? sitting on the couch or laying in bed watching movies together, his arm around you, it's basically a pillow! a hard ass pillow at that.

not the most vulnerable, he's not some weird incel who see's women as sex toys or anything, he's decently capable of being in a normal relationship, you won't see each other often sadly, but when you do, he'll pay 95% of his attention towards you, he'll even let you know straight up that he won't know when he'll get back, but he will! ... until he doesn't..

ah yes, his death at the hands of kurapika, how will you react? hell, how would kurapika react to your existence? something tells me that kurapika might kill you too, send you right off with him, or, in a rather strange twist of events, he might try to fuck you and take you to the other side, not in the way of barging into your house and straight up non con, nah, more like a get to know you then get in your pants type of way, uvo won't be there to protect you now would he? of course the latter is highly unlikely, but to be honest it's kind of fun to think about.

and now that you think of it... you don't even know what uvo was doing or where he was going, you choose how you want to react to how you found out about his troupe business.

--

shizuku

another woman! she's similar to another person right below her! she looks cute, but she's anything but!...... sort of.

she's not the best or worst partner, she's pretty normal, a bit distant but it's not something you can't manage, maybe she just needs some space and you're overwhelming her, but something that really gets to you is her forgetfulness.

at first, she'll forget things such as your birthday or your anniversary, but going further into the relationship, she becomes less and less forgetful (she might even remember things that you don't even remember.)

what exactly do you guys do together? well, she does try to partake in your interests, and does try to get things you like!

--

franklin

he's similar to uvo, he's big, he's actually nicer than he appears.

what makes him so low is.. well to be honest i don't know, i don't feel like he could be high up but not so low, so, this is the perfect spot for him.

for one he does have a bit of an anger problem, not as bad as phinks, but he doesn't mind a slight argument, good thing he wont assault you, and is quick to make up for the argument.

i don't know how to write him, so, please forgive me for how small this passage is. :(

--

shalnark

we're starting to get into uh... strange territory, he looks kind, and seems normal, but he's anything but that, he's not the most toxic but he also isn't the most caring and understanding either, similar to nobunaga he's kind of an enigma.

he's a love bomber and very good at manipulating, definitely takes advantage of his rather cute looks, he'll figure out what you're insecure about and compliment those things specifically, i do think he is capable of loving someone genuinely, but he sometimes does things without realizing that they aren't really normal, maybe he's getting his troupe personality mixed up with the one he has with you.

he does come off as sweet at first, brings you flowers and takes you on some rather expensive dates (an uncanny feeling creeps up on you about how the waiters act, but you don't pay much attention to it.) and sometimes he's more distant and a little bit aloof, you take this as him needing his space.

he's not abusive, but he isn't the absolute best partner, there's definitely better out there.

his death doesn't hit you as hard as the others but it was still devastating, you best hope hisoka doesn't come for you, and if he does, you hope he swiftly kills you, because you really don't want this murder clown to take an interest to you.

--

phinks

phinks is another one 'that's kind of odd to me, i don't want to judge a book by its cover and say "yeah he's a piece of shit!!" but again, he's a lot better in comparison to anyone below.

he's similar to shalnark in quite a few ways, one, he does things that kind of makes you think he's a bit of an odd ball, he's intimidating to look at and is the second strongest physically in the troupe, so you're lucky to have someone like him if you're looking for protection.

i don't see him as the type to take you out to fancy restaurants and bring you flowers, stuff like that is a bit too sappy for him, he shows other ways like giving you thinks you like or taking you to like carnivals or other fun events.

his main problem is his anger issues, he won't physically harm you especially if you don't use nen, but he's not above arguing with or yelling at you, he doesn't do it often, but he might call you an idiot or a bitch if you take him to that point.

the relationship is somewhat normal besides that.

--

chrollo

chrollo is weird, some say he's loving, caring, blah blah blah while some might say he's the exact opposite.

for one he is charming, he's a relatively good looking man, he's intelligent, and is looking for someone who's also intelligent.

i feel like chrollo definitely has a type, he likes people who are elegant, he wants someone that'll make him look good while he's in public, he doesn't care much for how people view the relationship outside of that, he also looks for someone with a personality he doesn't want someone who looks good yes, but is boring to be around, someone he can have a deep conversation with and talk about his interests with.

for one, you will not know about the troupe's existence, until he is 100% ready to tell you, which will definitely take a while, but he's confident that the troupe and himself will protect you from anyone who tries to avenge.

now, what makes him so low on this list? well, he's quite manipulative, a gaslighter, too, what do you mean you saw me with another woman? it's all for business, i'm just trying to steal her nen ability.

he does want to be a good partner, but this relationship is kind of a "too good to be true" type, something is happening behind closed doors and the thought is too persistent to ignore.

--

illumi

this guy is... strange, for one, his beady ass eyes make him look like a bug (affectionately), and section.. his very warped perception of what love even is.

i agree with the fandom that he has a breeding kink no doubt, his intention on dating is marriage, and you will bear his children, no ifs, ands or buts.

you'll meet his family but you'll never meet the troupe, he doesn't want you getting involved in fighting (he might have someone teach you some basic self protection) because he doesn't want you to die, that'll fuck with him... kind of, you're basically trapped in the mansion.

his overprotection is toxic on its own, you don't have that much freedom, you can't go shopping unless he's with you (or if he can't be there, one of his servants will accompany you), you're never truly alone unless he's away, and when he's here, things are no better, he's distant and cold, there's not much to talk about with him, sure, he loves you, but doesn't know how to express it much.

--

machi

one out of three toxic ass individuals, one of them consists of machi.

lets start off with the fact that she's cold hearted, as hell, if you cry in front of her she'll look at you like you're crazy, if she's really in that mood she'll tell you that you look stupid and you need to suck it up.

not good with physical touch or romance, who knows how the two of you managed to continue the relationship, she does leave flowers for you but won't tell you that they're from her, won't admit that she's the one who got them for you.

i feel like similar to a certain clown, she won't care much for you if you aren't either powerful or capable of protecting yourself in some way.

but all she's really doing is putting up barriers, she's actually caring in her own weird way, she'll still be there for you, patch up your wounds if you managed to get cut or stabbed and would probably mourn your death.

--

hisoka

were getting lower, and a certain sadist who loves torture is worse, but somehow, hisoka is slightly better than him in some way or another.

for one, hisoka probably won't be that interested in you if you aren't powerful, it would be worse if you were a regular civilian, he'll take that as an opportunity to take advantage of you sexually, physically, psychologically and mentally, and the relationship will be literal hell..

but, lets say you are pretty powerful, dare i say a troupe member yourself, he won't be as interested in fighting you as much as he would chrollo, but he would be interested in... other ways.

how you managed to get into a relationship with this freak is unclear, but you two one day just.. hooked up, and it all goes downhill from here.

he has no problem killing you if he gets tired of you, he already killed two and plans on killing the rest of the spiders, why not kill another? especially you? or, in an alternate scenario where he does manage to kill off all the spider, you're the only one who's left, this can go two ways, one, he can fuck you one last time then kill you, or, he takes you with him! if you managed to have a lasting impression on him, that is.

outside of sex, he just isn't a good partner, he's probably the only one on this list that's probably willing to cheat on you (don't you dare get back at him, both you and your lover will die) he's manipulative as hell, he doesn't necessarily care about how you feel and he'll provoke you just to get a reaction out of you.

--

feitan

and last but not least, feitan, oh boy, good luck to you for managing to have this man attracted to you. (im a feitan girlie, so this one might be a big longer than the rest)

for one, he'll hate your rotten guts for making him feel this way, for making him feel so weak, so emotional... he might even contemplate on killing you, but when that time comes he can't bring himself to do it.

i don't want to say yandere is his default since he doesn't really know how to properly love, because i do think he has some potential, but it does make sense for him, because there has to be something about you that makes you interested in him, maybe you're his polar opposite? maybe you're also a sadist?

he's not the most romantic partner, he doesn't want to come off as vulnerable, or sappy, so, what considers as a date to him? he's the type to probably take you to a cemetery at night as a form of a date.

he will not allow the troupe to know you or you to know them, for one he's going to be teased from hell and back for finally managing to pull someone and second while it appears that he doesn't care for you much, him protecting you from them is his way of showing you that he cares.

he can't find himself being vulnerable, he might teach you his language if you're up for it, and he might bring you some things he knows you like, but thats kind of it, also he won't force you to see him torture people.. unless you betray him in a way.

[konigsblog]

Ma’am, thank you for the part 2 of Yandere Ghost 🫶🏻 👁️👄👁️

Am wondering, would this be part of a series or one-shots? 🥺

this is gonna be a series but im planning on making a few one-shots + headcannons!

yandere ghost x singer!f!reader

warnings: yandere behaviour, violence; gun wounds, stab wounds, simon is an abusive yandere when you misbehave, being chained and tied up, love bombing, reader does not like simon, and never will throughout this series (unless i make a separate oneshot about reader liking simon, but it won't be apart of the series.)

masterlist

-simon riley, is a yandere who lovebombs on you, he isn't clingy but makes it his goal to get you to love him, yet fails and fails.

you know this, you know what he's doing. ever since the day he met you, it seemed that he was obsessed. addicted to you. all the words that came out his mouth gave you shivers up and down your spine.

when you woke up, cuddled into him forcefully, you knew that your suspicions were right. you couldn't help but slightly blame yourself. would you have been better if you told someone? told security for another bodyguard? even throughout the guilt you felt for yourself, you made it your goal never to like him.

-punishments. oh boy, he has a list of them. from forcing you to kiss him, to cutting you up and breaking your nose. it mattered on the severity of your actions.

cried when he touched you? you're being forced to sit on his lap and kiss him, "be a good girl.' he whispered, low and husky in your ear as disgust filled your veins.

to attempted escaping, that would result in a more severe punishments. smashing your head against a wall, making sure to not go too hard so he could keep you as his pet, his doll.

you remember once, you slapped him, harder than you'd ever. you tried to kick him in the balls but he caught your leg and turned you around as he smashed your head against a wall. the blunt force causing blood to rush up your throat as you threw up blood. the ruby colour liquid dripping down your face and staining the wall. a reminder to watch your tone.

-i see him not calling you human. maybe he'd call you a doll, or his puppy, or his toy. why? if you were human you would be considered equal, and you are not equal to him.

depending on your attitude, he might lock you in a cage. forcing dog food down your throat, holding your mouth closed so you wouldn't be able to throw it back up. "if you vomit, i'll force you to eat your vomit."

he might drug you up, so you're nice and calm. or atleast calm enough not to feel him touching you up.

-thinking back to the day you first tried to escape. the pain you felt was nothing compared to the pain you felt as he shot two gun wounds in your fathers skull, and stabbed your mother countless times. forcing you to watch everything.

"stop, please! take me instead, please simon!" you begged, the guilt you felt afterwards. parts of you blamed yourself, you should've told someone, why didn't you? maybe simon thought you liked him like this? or maybe he just likes to see you suffer. "no, pet. you're mine."

-he loves seeing you cry, in a way it turns him on. he knows he's evil, he's not delusional. he wants you to be scared, scared enough to morph you into his toy.

you fight back against this, making sure never to fall that far. you know he wants this, you know what he wants, and you will never listen.

who knows? maybe one day he'll realise that there's no hope, or maybe he'll start to love how resistant you are.

-he'd let you call his friends, you could beg to them, "help me, simon kidnapped me. i need your help." but it's hopeless, they're friendship with simon matters more than whatever you're complaining about, it falls to deafs ears.

@lauraliisa

@bittersw33t-lotus

@thedevillovesflowers

@thriving-n-jiving

@kiruoris

@radishdoodles

[dokukoi]

In relation to the ask game answer, could I get a lore dump on you and Ren? I won't deny, radio dj falling in love with thier kidnapper is a concept that's got got me hooked!

Don't feel pressured to answer and only include what you want to, I'm just super curious about that now :3

-@woof-ships

omg yay!!! thank you im so happy you like my silly self-ships to know more about them 🤭🤭🤭

it's based off of my own experiences being a radio dj and i wanted to have my own storyline that parallels btd2 canon but is more self-indulgent :D hopefully this makes sense (and is not ridiculously long) bc ive never written it down before dkakfjak

under the cut because i failed at keeping it short lmao

so, while trying to make friends by surfing gore and snuff forums, ren stumbled upon noe's late-night show (10PM - 4AM). it's an international block, focusing on rock and metal from different countries. much to ren's delight, there's also a vkei, jrock, and jmetal showcase hour. after a few days of listening to the show, listening to the DJ during their voice breaks—ren's heart races. they have so much in common, they sound so kind... they're the friend ren has been looking for! so, he finally decides to call in a request.

noe is delighted, obviously—not many people call in to radio shows, let alone late-night ones anymore! they're even more delighted when ren becomes a regular caller. there's only so much you can do to occupy yourself when you're stuck in the studio for six hours. noe is more than happy to chat away!

while it starts off as short conversations, about the music, the bands... ren quickly pushes the conversations to be longer, more personal. nothing too invasive, yet. it's basically having a pen-pal... right? noe is just happy to have some company and willing to overlook some of the more prodding questions.

meanwhile, ren is becoming increasingly parasocial. he anxiously waits for 10PM and if there's a minute delay to hearing their voice, he gets nervous. he dreads 4AM, the radio cut off. in the rare case someone else calls in—he gets irritated. why do they need to talk to someone that's not him? to ren, noe is already their best friend, their partner, since the lines are so blurred for him.

he needs to be closer to them. he needs to see them, to touch them... after weeks of asking, begging, pleading noe for him to be a guest co-host for one night, noe agrees. they've been talking to him for a few months... he seems nice enough. he's just passionate about the same kind of music they are! nothing would go wrong, would it?

yeah... while the radio station is struggling to find someone to fill their slot, ren has his very own best friend/partner/plaything now! complete with a shock collar and a cute lil ankle shackle. aren't they such nice gifts?!

after this, it loosely follows the routes in the game

ren's lovebombing and sadism quickly breaks noe in—especially after ren breaks down after almost permanently breaking them. he really, really just wants a friend—this is the only way that he knows how to treat friends, to have fun with them.

he just doesn't want to lose his best friend after he just found them. ren quickly shifts to just... trying to have a normal relationship with noe. well, what he perceives as a normal relationship sans the brutality. he just wants to love and be loved!

to help noe have some sort of semblance of normalcy again, he makes a home-made radio transmitter. they host a small radio show together every week. slowly but surely, noe warms up to ren and his affections now that ren is no longer 'playing' with them.

their laugh on the radio waves sounds just like when he first met them now. to anyone listening, they just seem like a couple head over heels for each other. not a captive and their captor.

i haven't decided how lawrence fits into this, or if ren becomes fox/the announcer in this storyline (im leaning towards fox being an au)

i hope this made some sense?? im not the strongest writer! thank you so much for asking though woof 😭🫶

[angelicalbones]

just rambling about current events in my life happening right now its a stupidly long whinefest

boyf has been hella depressed the past few days and ive been checking in like "hey do you wanna talk" and every time he says no and doesnt engage any further. he also has told me before about how I linger and suffocate him too much so ive been trying to just do my own thing until he wants to engage

this morning I get up and come sit out on the couch w him bc he once again did not come to bed and slept on the couch and he didnt say a fucking word to me didnt even look me in the eyes. which fine he does that, I curl up next to him and try to comment on the game hes playing and I dont even get the vaguest grunt in response.

Clearly he does not want to speak just like he didnt last night. AGain completely fine I will just go do my own thing so I dont just sit around awkwardly in silence and make him upset by being too close.

Cue him telling me out of no where he is going to his aunt's house bc he cant stand being in the house any longer. I have no issue w that but I can hear in his voice hes angry so I ask him whats wrong. Meaning 'what right now is making you angry' and he fucking snaps on me about how he hates being in the house and asks me if I think everything is fine which no I obviously do not think so but whatever I tell him its totally okay its fine he can go I wasnt gonna stop him I was just asking

he starts to say "im just upset that" and then stops himself and just says "well if you think its fine." and just books it out the door

if he comes home at all tonight I am fucking screwed. He is going to lose his fucking mind at me for giving him his space instead of sitting at his feet silently like a dog waiting for him to decide if he is going to give me any ounce of his attention. He will never fucking effectivly communicate when he would rather be sit w him v when I shouldnt I am literally just expected to know. I want to support him through fucking anything he is the love of my life but this depressive episode is coming at such severe cost to my already exceedingly fragile mental health.

hes just so god damn mean to me when hes like this I cant take it. Im exhausted of never having the right answer. Never doing the right thing. He will say I am the kindest most supportive partner to other people but the second I dont magically know which contradicting behavior he is expecting from me I am the cruelest most evil disgusting sociopathic abuser he knows. I dont know what to do about it. I have no family here. I'm completely alone. if this goes sideways my entire life is over

I have to quit my job, abandon all of my things and move back in w my parents across the country. He has roots here he has family who support him here. He likes to pretend hes this sad little island all alone when Im the one who has *nothing* to my name if he dumps me. He owns like 99% of the shit in this house not that I could move back w anything I own anyway I dont own the fucking car.

he holds my life in his hands but he is the persecuted victim here. hes the one who will lose everything bc of me.

Im realizing hes treating me the way his father treated him and he doesnt comprehend that. Hes being exactly like his father.

i dont know if I can fix that. i dont know what to do w this realization. i jsut wnat to sleep for a thousand years and wake up to a partner who doesnt hate me or lovebomb me.i just want a normal life for 5 seconds

[menalez]

Hi, I’m the “advice anon”, thank you for answering (oh my god that sounded like I am in a TV ad). Anyways, I explained the events here with another blog:

https://www.tumblr.com/letmywingsdown/732396002452078592/previous-anon-because-im-not-confident-enough

Again, thank you for, you know, letting me take your time haha <3

The thing is today I was arguing with my boyfriend. I’ll admit it was my fault because I initiated it for some very irrelevant dumb shit because I’ve been in a horrible mood lately. I knew I had to apologise once he began explaining to me how shitty it was, and I was about to but I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words because I have a huge ego problem. So he smacked the left side of my face, my left cheek, because I just would remain stubborn and bitchy and not looking his way when he talked. It wasn’t harsh or violent and it didn’t hurt; just the wrist and upper side of the hand, quite quickly like when you have to tell off a kid. But it really caught me off guard and I stood there frozen. It feels like a boundary violation and when I brought up the subject to my mom (w/o saying it happened to me), she agreed. My bf started apologising right once I said how fucked up it was and I think it’s a genuine apology, but what am I supposed to do? I was getting on his nerves basically on purpose, and now I want to pretend I am the victim of the situation? But I was seriously just about to tell him I regretted making a fight up from thin air.. and stuff like that has happened twice before, once in my shoulder, the other one on my scalp. He continues apologising and I really want to forgive him because he is a lovely guy and the best thing that has ever happened to me, but how am I supposed to call myself a feminist and stuff when I am compliant once my boyfriend “beats” me? My father told me only the other day that women who stay in abusive relationships while knowing about the red flags are stupid. I disagree with him, but am I stupid? Or am I just thinking about this too much? I have childhood trauma, physical too, and I am unsure if I am overreacting because of being triggered rather than because it was objectively wrong to hit me.He seriously is a very nice guy and I have never felt as loved and I know his love is genuine, but this has left me unsettled and, as I said, it is not the first time. Even those two aforementioned events aside, there have been very off putting things in our relationship, like him watching porn and being into cnc (we never acted on them, just dirty talk); though I think the latter might have been my fault because I was the one mainly in it (again, trauma). This was years ago and our sexual life is very healthy now, and I know for a fact he despises porn as much as I do. So what should I do? He is the only person I have left because I am a lonely loser and our connection is so sincere but at the same time I don’t feel ensured that he would never ever harm me. Is it my trauma induced paranoia, or my intuition?

anon, no this is not at all ok. leave. please just leave. you might feel loved and he might have some good sides but there is literally no excuse for hitting you and he's clearly slowly escalating it further and further. abusers often slowly start pushing the boundaries of their partners and i fear that is what he's doing here. and him being into cnc is absolutely a red flag! ur making a lot of excuses for him which is normal, i did the same with my ex and it allowed her to take advantage of me and abuse me until she had all that she wanted from me. its not worth it. abusers like this often have a 'nice' side and will lovebomb you and have phases where they treat you well.. it's ultimately not worth it, at all. i know it's easier said than done, but just bc you haven't had better yet doesn't mean you never will, don't settle for him just because you want to be loved and because you think you can't get better: you can and its not worth it! take it from someone who DIDN'T leave, it's not worth it. you just feel used up and like you betrayed yourself for nothing in the end.

[pezpenser205]

i feel like one of the things i dont like about the narc abuse misconceptions is that all of them are worded as if pwnpd are always aware of their own manipulation and using it as a calculated way to do harm or benefit themselves.

when like. if im being honest i dont even know when im doing a manipulative behavior or lying until ive already done it. im EXTREMELY impulsive and trying to think about what im doing for too long makes me wanna die. im not doing anything with explicit malicious intent almost ever. my FIRST impulse is to lie and close myself off because its been the only thing thats saved me in past situations. im not sitting in front of people thinking to myself "im going to compliment her hair to build rapport" like law enforcement does are you kidding me lol

they describe behaviors like lovebombing and splitting as if theres evil intent behind it. when like when im splitting i GENUINELY believe what im upset about is true no matter how outlandish it seems to everyone else. i dont have that grounded sense of rationale that everyone else does. no matter how much i try to tell myself "this is a splitting episode" that wont stop it from causing me so much pain emotionally that i feel it physically.

and with lovebombing i 100% thought at one point that it was just how love worked. i always scared people away because i would be too obsessive or complimentary, but in that moment i didnt see anything wrong with it. lovebombing after arguments is similar. whenever it happens i want to make it up to them and make them feel better because i dont want to lose them. im not doing it with the clear intent of manipulating them. and before i started exploring myself i didnt even notice that i was doing any harm. i legitimately had no idea that what i was doing was causing someone else pain.

and instead of teaching people how to help their partners or family members MANAGE their cluster b episodes alongside them after theyve discovered they have this disorder, people who believe the stigma just tell them to leave their partner. like just leave them lol.

its not treated the same as someone having a partner with severe depression that has worse days than others. its not treated as "i love this person and i want to help them manage their disorder while theyre working on improving themselves" its treated as "the person i loved never actually existed at all and they deserve all the pain theyre going to feel when i leave them and they deserve to be isolated in a mental hospital forever so that they cant do any more harm"

like do you hear yourself bro. thats not how people work in general and definitely not how cluster Bs work. i think youre just using the fact that they have a disorder thats "acceptable" to hate in your mind as justification for taking out the pent up frustration and trauma they caused you onto them because its easier to say that someone deserves nothing good when you dont see them as redeemable or human

[obsessive-yandearest]

Your blog was just suggested to me - and we don't know each other, but I hope you're doing okay. I was once in a similar position as yours, and it really does feel like your entire world comes crashing down and there's no way for things to get better. I'm sorry you're in that place in life, right now.

It's never an easy thing to deal with, and it took me a VERY long time to move forward too.

(The person who broke up with me had been my first real, long-term relationship. I loved them for 5 years, thought we were gonna get married.)

I hope you have people you can talk to, to support you throughout it. It's okay to be sad, upset and whatever other feelings you might have over it.

Hope I'm not rambling on too long, I just orbit yanblr a lot, and saw your posts and wanted to offer support if I could. (I just have social anxiety too lol)

And I wanted to say it *can get better. I didn't think it would. I thought my life was OVER and I went to a psych ward when it happened to me. But things did, eventually, get better. And I'm glad I'm here now. I hope that one day, you'll feel better too. I hope you take care of yourself, and can be gentle with yourself while you're going through that stuff. 💜

thank you anon your message means a lot ❤️ i’ve been broken up with my ex/still FP for 2 years now and it honestly hasn’t gotten any easier, ive actually been in love with him for 4 years total now. in the first 6 months we were broken up i had to spend a few nights in a psych ward as well as spend a week at a mental wellness “retreat” (which was actually a really shitty therapy program where they had 6 struggling young adult girls live together in a house with nurses who complained that they don’t get paid enough) a couple months after that.

since then i’ve been struggling to stay in school and also dealing with substance abuse to numb the pain, which is why my blog has shifted from the yan content i used to post to now inebriated vents recently. when we first broke up i just numbed the pain with a shit ton of weed, when he broke no contact for the last time just to block me again immediately afterwards i then turned to alcoholism, and when i first found out that he now has a new, younger, more athletic, more ethnic, and probably not mentally ill in any way girlfriend i tried my first line that same exact night. i’m embarrassed to say that even with therapy and medication i genuinely don’t know how to recover from this breakup because i truly believe that he was my soulmate and i will never love someone as much again. it’s not like i haven’t tried to move on with other people either, what makes it so much worse is that im actually attractive enough where i have the ability to explore my options with many other people and still no other guy has made me feel the way that i felt with my ex. when i finally started to develop what i thought were genuine feelings for someone else this past fall it was only because he reminded me SOOO much of my ex both looks wise and personality wise; but i should have known better cause despite how much i love my ex the truth is he’s a very narcissistic person and the same unfortunately applies to this other guy that im talking about. this other guy broke my heart all over again after i found out that i WASN’T the only girl he was talking to and being intimate with like he said and instead he was actually sleeping around SO MUCH that he gave me a (thank god it was curable) STD. i was genuinely stupid and let him lovebomb me and lead me on just because he reminded me of my ex.

ive given up on everything so much that as of right now im in a one sided relationship with someone i dont love just because i know my ex will never love me again and i need someone that will take care of me because i can’t do it myself. im a terrible person i know. i just don’t know what else to do because i don’t wanna be alone forever and im too scared to k*ll myself.

i’m tired of feeling empty without him. i’ve thought about him every single day since we broke up and i still continue to think of him constantly. all i want to do is message him but i was told if i try to make any sort of contact with him again he’ll get a restraining order on me. he hates me that much. i really think im only still alive because at first i thought if i could prove to him that i could live without him then he would eventually come back to me if i waited long enough. but that’s clearly never going to happen so im honestly not sure what to do anymore.

thank you again for your message anon, sorry i took a few days to respond, and thank you for letting me vent under your ask!❤️ please absolutely feel free to private message me if you feel comfortable, i would love to talk to you more if possible❤️

[romanarose]

Hi!! I'm the person who left the message about chapter 4 of Seattle and I have so much I want to say!!

First of all, you are absolutely NOT useless. I think you'd be very dearly missed in fandom. You're great! Second, I am so so sorry to hear what you have been going through. As someone who struggles with depression I relate A LOT to what you described and I wish I could give you a hug. I have had that exact "crying in the car for 45 minutes" moment and honestly I respect you so much for going into Panda Express with tears in your eyes. That is a sign of strength, to do something even when it is difficult. I respect the hell out of you and I'm rooting for you really hard (I actually live in Seattle so just know there is someone over here cheering you on!!)

Speaking of, I finished Seattle yesterday and a big part of what I appreciated about it was exactly what you described - Rebecca is strong, but abuse can happen to anyone. Seeing her strength, her love, her hope was honestly so inspiring and motivating. Another thing I absolutely adored was her connection to her faith. You honoured that Marc has a complicated history with faith and his family in a beautiful way, and you allowed him and Rebecca not to be on the exact same page about it in such a respectful way. The traditions and the Hebrew you incorporated added so much character to the story and warmed my heart to read about. I have Jewish holiday notifications on my google calendar bc I want to honour my Jewish friend's faith and check in with her when important days are coming up, and Seattle actually taught me some new stuff and showed me there are so mamy things I should google so I can be a better friend to her, I dunno it was just a sweet added bonus for me in a fic that was already so great and meaningful.

Lastly!! I did not find $10 dollars on the street but I read your story Lucky which was even better!!! Again, as someone with depression that story REALLY hit home. This line in particular "...and then I started feeling fucking useless, and things just spiraled." I FEEL LIKE YOU READ MY MIND. Everything described is exactly how I have felt, exactly what I've gone through. And everything Will said in this fic is something I need to learn to tell myself. This story really tugged at my heartstrings, made me feel understood and seen and hopeful. Thank you so much for that. I know I will be coming back to it time and time again when I feel down and need a pick me up.

Hi!!!!!! Thank you for reaching out again! The panda express cured me

jk but after a huuuuuuuuuggggeeee cry and a lot of food i feel much better this week and im really really really hoping things are on the up now.

As for Seattle... your from seattle!!!!! I bet thats why it caught your eye lol. Sorry it wasn't actually about Seattle haha.

Rebecca's faith is something I really wanted to explore with her and Marc. IDK if you read any of the bonus endings, but in Cleaning Out My Closet, Marc is quite religious again. I wanted Rebecca to be a proud Jewish woman and explore her finding her practice again. She never left being Jewish, but it was pushed down due to Jack. So it was more finding that faith expression again, while Marc found his faith. Marc never stopped being Jewish, but he was fairly removed from it all.

Jack caught Rebecca in a vunerable moment, a moment she was no longer codependant with Marc and was probably still struggling with that idea of being on her own, even if she was still in contact with Marc. Also, she didn't date. Her entire high school, Marc was at her side and no one was going to fuck with Marc. for 6 years of college and grad school she didnt date either, just trying to get through each day. And no matter how strong you are, when you've grown up with abuse and never having that parental love, you're ripe to fall for lovebombing and someone rich taking care of you.

Doesn't mean she's weak, it makes she's human.

And one of my favorite parts of Seattle is Marc's reaction to Rebecca's pregnancy. Not only is he just genuinely thrilled, elated to be having kids with her, but the fact he's so excited to tell his dad, Matty, and all his street level marvel friends.

AH Lucky, that's a comfort fic of mine, honestly. The idea of Will taking care of me....

Not that you have to, but Sunshine Starlight Sweetheart Brightside and then Leather and Lace deal with similar themes of recovery from child abuse, sexual assault, and addiction, but that's just an aside

I appreciate you reaching out, and telling me all these kind things. These sorts of messages I've gotten for my series at different times always make me so happy and warm, but at this particular dark point in my life, it's meant a lot more.

So, thank you again.

[kawaiicherryblossomperfection]

i never want to see another face again or have a conversation with anyone the russian mafia is destroying my life im going to help ubmmm but one thing is for certain u cant tell anyone that im in your body bc i will have ymtimmmm to explain to someone that im in dire straights arrmem are u okay? u seem unwell keeho do u even realize what ubha have just done? im not making any typos imbsrsly about to cry i dont care what u are trying to do pls do urself a fsvor and never argue with me bc it will kill me literally ok? i get it calm down can u do something else besides what ur doing i want to see u do something sexy nah im highly uncomfortable so like anyway what is going on im asking the same thing im just a randok girl from texas in a group home and u told me the world was ending is the intercomm shit talking being shut off? yes it is they said u take well to insults interesting ok so ur not happy? im afraid for my life and about to have a mental breakdown go to the hospital in the zombie apocalypse? suree ok go to sleep i want to see u naked im not even sure that u dont want to murder me still for no fucking reason how am i supposed to sleep? abdmmmbuneeedtocalmdoenitwassanhonestmistske i am a fictional charscter suree i dont even want to know what marryibmnfmmmmsomeonelikeuwouldbelike i wouldnt make it past a day why? u just tried to make me commit suicide and im 9 lcg whats that? 9 year old little chinese girl oh ok so stupid and retarded? ur only 9 years old i thought u were 28? im turning young again what the fuck is going on is the reason the manga or the zombie apocalypse? the manga when does the lovebombing start keeho? that was rude ur going to need to calm down it starts tomorrow that was a little taste of what i could do to u u are a rude person so are u how the fuck did i let u in o1llp1hammrony? kill urself were ending the manga not! u afrees to do this and ur not ugly so move on ok sounds good rommtome go fuxk urself were thru talk to someone else for awgile ur not goinf anywhere thisbwss a hufe mistake im done bye

[idonotbiteclits]

i miss you. i broke up with him. he felt so foreign on my skin. like his touch made me recoil. i flinched many times when he was just trying to hold my face. sex with him made me feel rotten. his kisses were sloppy and gross. i couldn't stand him in the slightest. but i thought "hey this could work" "he's not great but hes not marcus" "its time to move on" i really genuinely thought i was doing myself a favor by dating someone else. he threatened to kill himself when i ended things. it was multiple days of hearing "i love you, i am going to kill myself" he is obsessed with me, swears he's inlove, i knew the breakup was going to be rough and he wouldn't let it go without pulling every stop. i mean he tried to lovebomb me and used many manipulative tactics to try and get to me, but he wasnt you so i did it. he did everything you wouldn't, got me flowers and cake. he listened to so much taylor swift with me. he would drive from lawernce anytime i asked just because he cherished spending time with me that much. he had his flaws, but he was exactly what i was looking for in a partner. he let our relationship be open so i could keep my freedom. we both knew it was really to stay some level of available for you. he accepted that. he knew i still love you. he accepted that. he knew everytime i cried it was about you. he accepted that. he accepted that he would never be as much to me as you are. he made alot of compromises just at the shot of being important to me. i couldn't do it tho. i couldn't give him what he so desperately wanted. i don't have it to give. its still all reserved for you. i can't share it with anyone. i am not ready for a new relationship. im not ready to give up on you. i know i should. if you wanted me surely you would have let me know right? im scared. im so afraid that ill never be ready. that im going to get into relationships just like this last one and maybe even marry one of them. and ill be there. in a white gown. looking at the doors. hoping you would stop me. and i know you wouldn't. and id marry her. and id spend the rest of my life half loving my own wife because i never recovered from you. thats horrifying.

[gloomiechick]

Everything stops with that one memory so pure

So breathe taking .

All I feel is joy and happiness inhale and exhaling

I see our memories together, I see how happy I was with you. I see how much I dug deep in love and change for you. The break up showed me what I didn’t know about myself and I’m thankful for the times we’ve had . Your breathe against my neck as we sleep on a tight couch in the living room that is my only bed . We shared love and I shared all I didn’t know of me until after. I didn’t know I was so bad I didn’t know I was so emotionally not put together. I had alot of trauma over the years even throughout my adolescence. Anger , anxieties, insecurities that needed healing. I seek support for u that u couldn’t offer. It hurts to understand myself but it also hurts that I understand you more than you could know yourself. You weren’t all the issue but were equally at fault. Narcissist, misogynistic, manipulative, lovebomber things you couldn’t see in yourself. It sucks finding out I’m your karma , but also you might of been mine as well. Finding out your stories and understanding who you are more shows me how much I can hate you and love you. Our broke up teached me a lot of things but also blessed me. I know myself more and im glad I do. Time away made me understand who I am and im thankful for this self awareness I uncovered about myself and understand how this world really is and I know im not a monster like u. I had alot of mental health issues and I understand what triggers me and things I do that I’ve been hurting myself with without thinking im hurting myself. Learning it’s okay to be disabled. Learning it’s okay to loose people who don’t love you the way you love yourself. Learning people care and have feelings and have things that trigger them from past trauma. All I could ever do is accept things for what they are even tho it’s knifes to both back and front of your chest. Learning u don’t need people to love you romantically when you can love yourself . These months been hell and I really took it one day at a time being cared of tomorrow because I don’t wanna feel pain anymore. It goes away. Slowly. It hurts how slow pain can cut through your soul and body daily . All I can do I hope and accept tomorrow. Good or bad accept either because you don’t know what’s gonna happen . All im ready for is the new challenges im gonna be faced with and I’ll know once the baby is born. So thank you . Im truly thankful for meeting you and I hope u can accept yourself and our baby.

[whatevenistheoutdoors]

just ignore this

Im not sure how to go about this. Ive been having a lot on my mind but I dont really want to tweet it and go crazy. So since no one i know uses tumblr anymore or even know my account i thought it would be safer here. Im currently going through a break up and its been pretty hard and blindsiding. Like some days i wake up super confident and others I literally just want to cry and key his car. I guess its just hard to hear that your boyfriend not only kissed someone else, but is quesitoning his whole life. Like how could he think that he doesnt see a future with me. Like the audacity of thinking that i am not good enough for him. are you kidding me?!?!?!?  You are the one with all the red flags. I am the one actually actively self improving. I was the one that helped u get your resume updated. I was the one that made u a linkedin. I deserve better. But at the same time im so fucking angry. Like how can he hurt me like that. How could he hurt someone he so call loved for years and just end it on a “gut feeling”?  God u dont love me anymore on a gut feeling. Sick. Cool. thats nice. Maybe you need some damn probiotics bc your gut health is out of wack. 

All u do is sit on your ass and blame yourself with no actual effort. Like how can a man judge me for being on the fence about having a kid in the future when im 21 and he cant even wake up from a fucking alarm. like are you joking?????

Last night I think I saw a girl go to his apartment. I like to think that she went to a different unit on his floor but I just had that “gut feeling” it was for him. That really fucking broke me. Like i knew he would come around pretty quickly again bc he lacks emotional maturity to deal w what he fucking did. But god a week after we broke up. U have to be a real sociopath to do that shit. how dare you.

I just want things to go back to how they were. I was so fucking happy. We were happy. I dont understand whats going on. Gaslighting, lovebombing, idk what fucking word to call this but I think he just invented a new one. I just miss him but how could i give myself to a man that has caused me so much heartbreak. I dont want to see him with someone else. It so fucked up 

[jaegerboob]

WIP ROUNDUP!!

i was tagged by @trashpocket​ (hey bae ;)) and since im lonely here on tumblr and have no one but the void to yell at, i won’t be tagging anyone :((

okay let’s start off with my published WIPS lol i have quite a collection and boy do i regret posting most of these, but anyway that’s here’s my hot girl shit

"i’ll figure it out with a little more time” - (if u knew me at my thai BL phase no u didn’t :)) anyways this was a supposed to be a pretty short fic that features an oblivious Sarawat not knowing how to navigate his feelings towards Tine and Tine being an equally giant dumbass. their school is hosting a school dance and Sarawat’s emotionally constipated ass doesn’t know how to SPEAK and just ASK Tine to go w/ him. i swear i might be the author of this story but i also get mad at these fuckers

“we’re boyfriends?” - ah yes another Thai BL fic, i will admit. i have NO idea where to take this story lmao. i still wanna finish it tho cuz i hate disappointing ppl. the fic starts with Ae and Pond making a dumb bet so Pond will stop jerking off in their shared room and promises that he won’t do that as long Ae dates someone random and based off of Pond’s choosing. sweet bby Pete wanders into their campus accidentally  and gets picked. Ae does the deed and tells Pete they’re dating. Ae thinks that Pete and Pond are scheming to make his life a living hell but lo and behold Pete has actually fallen in love with him (heheheh) 

“i wanna ruin our friendship” - hello lgbtq+ community :). we all know where this fuckin title is from don’t be sneaky. so here’s my KilluGon college fic. I initially wrote this like two years ago and uploaded it on wattpad lmaooo then i edited it and posted on ao3 and once again i have no idea where to take this (ive forgotten what my original idea for this was lol) so basically Killua and Gon are really close friends and Gon is sortof a player in this AU idk why khdkadha but anywayz all of Gon’s exes have left him bc they’re jealous of Killua but Gon would never pick his current S/O over him so HAAA. it all goes to shit tho when Retz decides to trick Gon to taking her back for the school dance and idk what path to go for T_T 

AIGHT now for my UNPUBLISHED WIPS buckle up yall this is a LOT. all the titles are WIPS so that’s why theyre iffy lol

“pussy talented”- (don’t mind the title lmao i just wanted a cat pun in there somewhere) basically, Bokuto is a firefighter and Akaashi an editor. They work near each other and Bokuto often visits Kuroo, who works with Akaashi. Ofc Akaashi falls in love at first sight but then he overhears that he has a "Kenma" waiting for him at home. Akaashi assumes that he's probably Bo's boyfriend and then leaves him alone, making Bo confused as hell. Little that he knows that Kenma is actually a grumpy calico cat.

“killugon flower shop AU” - Wing owns a flower shop and Killua helps out with Zushi along with Alluka out of boredom and one day Alluka asks Killua to help out with her client then he meets Gon and is immediately smitten until Gon says that he's looking for something that he can give to a girlfriend (it was actually Ging's request lol), lots of misunderstanding, Killua being too shy to ask the handsome stranger out and Alluka and Zushi being done with his shit 

“rice isn’t the only thing getting crushed here” - Osamu falls in love with one of his most loyal costumers—Akaashi and he thinks he might just have a shot at it until one day while Akaashi is ordering a bunch of riceballs, Bokuto Koutaro of Japan's National Volleyball team enters the restaurant and sweeps Akaashi of his feet, unexpected angst and a generous helping of unrequited pining :)) dw this fic can go two ways: Bokuto is just Akaashi's best friend who he hasn't seen in months or b. Bokuto is actually Akaashi's fiance maybe i’ll write both endings heehee

“killua is sad and gets lovebombed” - while staying in Whale Island, Killua thinks he that he doesn't deserve Gon and tries to leave him while he's asleep but his plan is stopped when Gon wakes up and they both end up revealing their true feelings for each other

“excuse to write charles getting fucked by two delicious men” - Erik and Charles have been in a relationship for years now and basically fell out of love so when Erik gets promoted and has to move, Charles agrees and so they break up. Charles turns to Logan (who harbors a giant crush on Charles) for companionship and sleep together once. Logan says it was an accident but Charles wants more and they establish a FWB situation of sorts since Charles isn't ready yet. But then Charles gets into an accident and can't remember what happened the past year and a half so he still thinks he's with Erik. Meanwhile, Erik is living a luxurious yet empty life and when he gets the call from Raven about Charles' situation, he immediately goes back running.

“killua in whale island” - KilluGon are like 20-ish and Killua visits Whale Island and Ging just happens to be there as well. Killua thinks about how even though Gon and Ging are near identical, Gon just looks so much more handsome. (probs just a oneshot) 

 “another horny cherik fic” - Charles is a demon who was accidentally summoned when Raven, Hank and Ororo uses Erik's blood to perform a demon summoning ritual (as a joke) they didn't know it would actually work so now Charles is stuck with Erik because the human absolutely refuses to sell his soul

“IwaOi overboard AU” - Oikawa is a rich pretty boy and Iwa a college dropout who works at his uncle's repair shop with his younger brother Tobio and cousin Kyoutani ( both 5 yrs old). One day he gets called over to fix one of Oikawa's cars and after a failed and disastrous encounter with a drunk Oikawa, Iwa leaves the mansion fuming. Later in the day, it's discovered that Oikawa got in a car crash that took away his memories and since Oikawa apparently lives alone, he has no one to get him. not until Iwa comes ofc and with a malicious and vengeful intent, he tells Oikawa that they're dating and live together in his crappy apartment

“dancer Akaashi” - Akaashi is a dancer, Osamu is a bartender at the bar he works at and has also been in love with Akaashi for the past two years. He doesn't confess since he knows Akaashi doesn't like romance but then enters a bright eyed cheery Bokuto who sweeps the unreachable Midnight Moon off of his feet, bokuaka but im leaning towards bokuosaaka since akaashi deserves two boyfriends

“watch me be poetically horny for Akaashi Keiji” - Akaashi is a vampire and Osamu, a skilled artist. Akaashi posing nude and delighted at how beautifully Osamu portrays him. Osamu says otherwise. 

Cherik College AU - drift by great gable.... late teens cherik... Erik being a misanthropic horny bastard and Charles a snarky piece of shit.... they get paired up for 7 minutes in heaven... turns out Charles has been ogling him for a while now..  hmmmm,,,.,. ( i wrote this when i was drunk and my og draft is too long so take this instead lolz) 

“ BokuAka (NSFW) ” - Bokuto pushing off a guy who tried to hit on Akaashi while they're at a club. Akaashi gets so turned on he immediately drags Bokuto to the bathroom where he gets his facefucked in one of the bathroom stalls or Akaashi getting his face fucked in a dirty alley at the back of a bar after Bokuto gets into a fistfight.

“KuroKen (NSFW)  ” -Kenma does top during sex but but he's just really lazy to put in the effort 

aight that’s it oh damn i just now realize how much i have T-T bruhhhhhhh and this isn’t even all of them damnnn 

[cbocstar]

update update of my feeelings

i need to really use this blog as a way to write my feelings down instead of ...overly emotionally exhausting my friends with my emotions LOL. i guess because of the messages box it feels safe so i can unwind my thoughts to the point when it should of just been placed in my blog instead. I think that’s something i need to work on as well... to maybe seek therapy or seek help of jus talking to someone professionally on how to get my emotions out.  anyway. heres to he update of the nitty gritty.  There were a lot of red flags with steven. And i may have ignored them because I was being hopeful that he would wake up and realize that his actions were dangerous and harmful. But it was only until valentines day which was our last day together that hit me with the realization that he’s not going to change and that i deserved better, and to be FAR away FROM HIM.  he drunk drive and blamed me for why he was driving recklessly even though. i didn’ have a curfew. And i didnt know he was drunk.  i gave myself time to heal  anyway i tried out the dating apps 

i was talking to someone on the fb dating app. his name was nick.he seemed like a nice guy. So i sent him a message after we matched and he got so shocked that i sent a message and then we just were talking about disneyland bc his photo he had was a picture of him pulling out the sword in the sword in the stone and it was a fun conversation. it was only the first day and i was just like wow we clicked so fast. I felt like i could be myself already. It was nice. So we were talking for a few hours of that day during my breaks at work and just getting to know him and his likes and dislikes. Third day he was getting extremely loveydovey and I ws a bit cautious of it. because its only the third day. lol like it was extra flirty. But i didnt really know if it was like because i was enthusiastic with our conversation and he enjoyed that. Idk I try to channel or reflect myself personality via online as well through the dating apps bc of covid we cant meet ya know. anyway we were talking more and more and then we did webcam on the fifth day and it was nice it was fun. Then a week pass and he kept talking to me and telling me how he’s not talking to anyone and only me and how he had plans for us and i was just like wait a minute. we are still getting to know each other. lAnd then he started to talk to me sexually and ask my likes and dislikes and experiences so i was just upfront to him telling him that im demisexual and i dont have much experience and not really interested in sex until i feel emotional connection with someone. and stuff and hes just like “WHAT do U THINK OF ME???? and sent a a dick pic and im just like uhhh And hes just like “ DOES THIS AROUSE YOU?” and its like “ uhhh no? lol ii dont even know what im looking at. anyway a week passed and now its two weeks and he kept pushing me and i felt like it wasn’t fair for the both of us so i ended it. and then blocked hiim because i honestly felt likt it was for the best then he stalked me on his other account which i didnt know he had one lol so its like oh ok lol i guess ill block that ttoo and he just msgs me with somet manipulation gaslights shit asking me how i could be so hurtful to block him. And idk I guess yeah blocking is hurtful but i dont know after experiencing lovebombing in my past relationship. LOL anything similar that throws me back tto that is a red flag in itself. and like my gut feelings were off about something and i didnt know what exactly. I didn’t like it when he was condescending with me and would try to put me down for refusing to meet up with him because of covid. lol idk I just i dont see the point lol. its not safe. anywayyy Told my friend about the nick thing and she said I’m a heartbreaker. and that somehow scientists said that people can fall in love with someone within 24 hours bc of a connection so that 2 weeks is real. And how he deserves a hug lol and a pat on the back for getting his heart broken by me. And I’m just like lol where’s your source. Bc that doesn’t seem true to me. And  🙄 yeah poor nick blah blah blah guys have feelings yes blah I’m the bad guy blah blah blah I'm just like lol it wasn't intentional of hurting him. I didn't lead him on or anything but something didn't sit right. I didnt like the off balance of it. I told him that i am demisexual and that i dont immediately attach to someone and that it sometimes takes years to build a bond with someone and it being emotionally attracted to even be sexually attracted. and he kept pushing it with the lovey dovey overdrive and would gt upset with me ifi or just disappointed if i didnt reciprocate or say anything sexual and i just felt so awwkard and i didnt want to lead anyone on lol so i was just honest everytime and would hange topic about something i felt like we both can get excited on which was disneyland and he kept talking about wanting to take me there and stuff and it slike uh maybe? like we dont really knwo each other yet so its like youre still a stranger lol you could bea psychopath or a sociopath for alli know. lol and just the back of my head the amorous feeling thing just felt so scary familiar that it terrified me. 

i mean 

For all we know he could have been a really nice guy. But still lol I think there were some red flags 🚩 my feeeeelings matter and are important and they should come first