#what the FUCK is their ship name i am at my wits end

[toburnup]

Steve is really fucking hard to ignore.

"Guys. Seriously, you can fuck later, let me in." His voice is muffled through the door but Tommy's focus is cut in half. His fingers slip and Carol groans until they find their place again.

Finally, she devolves into quiet panting, her eyes screwed up. Tommy is sweating and his bed is creaking when she starts grinding her hips down, against his hand, against him. She's so close, she just needs a bit more and then Tommy can fucking finish and this will be over-

"Tommy-"

"One fucking minute!" Tommy practically bellows at the door, and Steve finally goes silent.

[bitchimasnake-sss]

hi! could i request some luffy fluff? i love how you write his dialogue, so maybe some pet names he would use? 🌸🦋

you have put an idea into my head that'll be very hard to get rid of @kingofthe-egirls hehe. the fic starts off as a crack!fic but i'll make it sweety-sweet towards the end!

the worst mistake ft. monkey d. luffy!

set-up: my headcanons based on what lovely @kingofthe-egirls asked! just our captain luffy and his absurd fucking nick-names.

warning: wholesome! more of a crack!fic (i dont know if its even remotely fluffy im sorry) than anything else. i do love me some good, self-indulgent stupid with my fav man on the sea :)

💗mistakes are a normal part of life. as bob ross said, "there are no mistakes, just happy accidents." well, he had clearly never made this catastrophic mistake. you had jokingly called luffy "bugaboo". emphasis on jokingly. 💗the sun was setting and you both were sitting on his bed, recalling the time zoro got lost and accidentally stumbled into a river-stream where local women were bathing. and afterwards how sanji wailed when he realized he wasn't there to witness it. your crew was weird, there was no doubt about it. but that wasn't the focus of the conversation. "heh" he snorted, "what did you call me?" "bugaboo?" you laughed, poking his cheek teasingly, "why?" he looked at you with his wide-eyed, honeyed gaze, "what does it mean? am i a bug?" with his wide eyes and stretchy smile, one might say so. but you didn't tell him that.

"its means... nothing?" you smiled softly, tracing your finger on the scar 'neath his eye, "it's just a nickname, baby. just something said out of affection." "out of affection?" he looked at your confused, "so anything can be a pet name?" you nodded in agreement, "pretty much, luff." worst fucking mistake of your life. 💗it was past dinner. and you and the captain were about to fall asleep to the noise of the crew chattering outside. "hey?" luffy hummed. and you hummed back in acknowledgement. "rice cooker." he mumbled into your chest, "you smell so nice~" you choked on your breath, spluttering, "lu-luff? did you just complement the rice cooker??" "no?" he looked up at you, bringing his finger to boop you on your nose, "i mean you. you, rice cooker. you smell so good, is it the soap sanji brought from that isla—" but you weren't listening to him. was he insulting you?? was he saying you were built like a rice cooker???? was he asking you to make him some rice, hence, you were the "rice cooker"?????? "luffy," you looked at him, concerned, "what do you mean rice cooker?!" "what?" he laughed, "it's a pet name. you said that a pet name can be anything?" when you stared at him, still concerned, he explained himself, "i mean like... i like you, i like rice cooker. cause it cooks rice—" "—go to sleep, luffy."

💗you had to clear it to him the next morning that nicknames cannot be that absurd. and when he asked you what qualifies as a nice pet-name, you tried really hard to think of some. "oooh, you like food right?" his eyes twinkled up at the mere mention of the topic. you grinned, satisfied, "so, like honey, sugar, pie, cherry. these are all examples of good pet names." he nodded at you with conviction in his eyes, as if he truly got you now. 💗it was lunch time now. and after beating up a marine ship, the entire crew was waiting for sanji to finish cooking so you could all stuff down some food. you were next to robin, sun-bathing and chatting ideally about a book she had lent you. she made a joke about how the character was dumb and you nodded and laughed along. in the midst of it, your boyfriend came and stood next to you, "hey?" both you and robin looked at the captain. you gave him a welcoming smile, "what's up, babe?" "so..." he looked over robin for a second before looking back at you. "i was just saying that i love you very much, my bombocado." his bombo- what? but before you could inquire him, he giggled and ran away. what??? and you resorted to look at robin, a bit confused. she replied back easily, "it's a brazilian dessert." is it now?

💗"what do you mean?" the captain looked at you confused when you told him bombocado wasn't a great pet name. "then, what else is a good nickname?" "i dunno." you sighed, "something normal like cherry or something." but that had opened yet another pandora's box. because now every time he saw you, he would refer to you as some fruit: "hey there, banana~" "i love you, my java plum." "should we go out on a date, pineapple?" "you look so pretty, my dragon fruit." a pause, "hey. my dad's name is dragon!!" you had given up on the idea of pet names. you would rather be addressed by your government given name than a pinecone. but now you were stuck with these absurd names. how wonderful. (but, i mean it was luffy who was saying them, so, you didn't exactly mind too much but when the entire crew caught on. boy the humiliation, the drama.). 💗but then one day, before drifting off to sleep, he slowly whispered, "i love you, cupcake." you almost jumped up in victory. almost. but instead, you chose to pet his hair softly and kiss him on his forehead, "good night, muffin." "—i love muffin." you kissed his forehead again as his hair tickled your skin, "ofcourse you do. goodnight, baby." "goodnight, honey nuts." just give up on ever having a normal nick name. i'm sorry. it won't happen.

💗jokes aside, here's my actual list of names that i think luffy would call you: 1. peach (cause you're sweet (in more ways than one) and because you once told him it meant ass and he laughed for 15 mins cause peach means ass) 2. mama (idk, sounds good to me? sounds like something he would just go along with) 3. lovebug (he once heard sanji say it and he thought it was so cute cause if hes a bug and you're a bug then you both together can be a bug-couple) 4. mi amor (heard sanji say it, thought it was pretty) 5. hot stuff (ussop convinced him that's what he calls kaya and kaya loves it) 6. sunshine (because you're his sunshine, what's not clicking??) 7. angel (because you're an angel, again, where's the confusion??) well, at the end of the day it doesn't matter what he called you. what mattered was that, you could come collapse in his arms. and he would squeeze his arms around you and tell you how he loved you. what were a few corny petnames to endure if you got all of his love in return?

a/n: i am convinced this is simultaneously the best and worst thing i've ever written. i hope it was atleast mildly satisfying @kingofthe-egirls <3

[radiantlyrey]

I’ve been watching The Church on Ruby Road on repeat all week, and I’m starting to think there’s more going on with the Doctor here than we’re being allowed to see. More after the cut bc spoilers….

I’m starting to think the Doctor we see prior to December 24 is a future version.

Like. Why is the Doctor following Ruby around? Why is he witnessing her accidents? It’s like he seems to know who she is already, but he only asks Ruby her name when they’re on the ladder to the goblin ship. So what’s actually going on?

My current theory: the Doctor was following the goblins, not Ruby. That’s why he landed in front of Mrs. Flood’s, that’s why he was on the roof in the first place. Every Doctor we see prior (except maybe the Doctor on the dancefloor) is a future version.

The cold open Doctor (who is visibly crying; the Doctor who saves baby Ruby in the shot towards the end is not) is a future version. The opening narration implies that the Doctor finds out the name of Ruby’s mother, which the Doctor later in the episode does not do.

On December 22, when Ruby’s band is performing, the Doctor is watching from the back of the pub, and the editing implies that he is watching Ruby. He also has a hat on, which I think might prove to be significant later.

On December 23 at the club, I think there are two Doctors present. One is on the dancefloor having a good time, but the one who catches Ruby’s drink has crossed into his own timeline to do that. He also says Ruby’s bad luck is worse than just bad luck. There are implications there, that he knows more than even we-the-audience know.

Furthermore, I think the Doctor we see get “snowmanned” is the same Doctor who catches Ruby’s drink. (Presumably the other Doctor was still dancing.) He’s watching Ruby and her friends very closely, much like we saw him watching her on the 22nd.

RTD is, I think, doing exactly what Moffat did in Series 5: he is laying the groundwork for some kind of story something that involves the Doctor and Ruby and the coincidences that have woven them together. (For example, the hat might prove to be a Thing in the same way Eleven’s jacket reappearing was in Flesh and Stone.)

Because I don’t think the goblins were ever at any point really after Lulubelle. I think every coincidence (Ruby and Davina McCall both having accidents; Ruby and Lulubelle both being Christmas Eve babies taken in by Carla; maybe even Ruby and the Doctor having Suspicously Similar Origin Stories) was leading up to them taking Ruby as a baby, and only Ruby.

And so. I think RTD (who has already stated that Ruby’s mysterious origins are going to Be A Thing in the upcoming season) is playing yet another Long Game. There is more going on behind the curtain than we yet know, and I honestly can’t wait to find out what it is.

(I am less enthused that we have to wait until FUCKING GODDAMN MAY to find out, but. One thing at a time.)

[frecklystars]

I need some advice, if anyone is willing 🙏✨

I purchased a La La Land screenplay from someone on Etsy, apparently signed by Ryan and Emma for an extremely affordable price. I thought "oh, there is NO WAY in HELL these are real." and then I agonized over it for a few weeks because my god I need some serotonin, and I have a little bit of spending money left, and I WOULD like a La La Land screenplay, bonus points if it really is signed by Ryan and Emma.

Finally, I bought one, reading on the seller's page that they do full refunds/returns within 14 days of the delivery. So I had nothing to lose if I ended up discovering the autographs were fake, I could just send it back and get my full refund. No shipping fees either.

Screenplay got delivered. So gorgeous, everything looks all nice and official, got a Certificate of Authenticity with matching serial numbers. I had high hopes, at first. The sharpie Ryan and Emma supposedly signed with have bled through the page, so it cannot be a reprint. But I did some research on the "Certificate of Authenticity" and it is probably fabricated. I am 99% sure. Someone could easily fake this certificate, slap on some holographic stickers they made themself, and then mimic Ryan and Emma's signatures using their own sharpies.

It says it was certified by 8FL*X institute (the * is an "i" -- I won't type the name out fully because I'm afraid it'll show up in the tumblr search results, and this guy apparently has a tumblr with a shit ton of "receipts" on him. but more on that later) and - guess what - that is not an actual institute run by multiple people. That is a website run by one (1) dude -- the very dude who sold this to me on Etsy. On the certificate, it's HIS name that is signed saying it's official. Did he witness Ryan and Emma signing this?? I have no clue. How would I know that. I don't know how this stuff works tbh but I'm pretty sure it's not real, seeing someone selling *multiple* signed scripts for just $61 each, with a lot of A list celebrities.

The holographic stickers and serial numbers seem legit, but there is no way for me to search them online to check if they're authentic. It's as if he basically said "yep these signatures are real" and signed the certificate himself. Also, if you search "8fl*x nick" on tumblr, there's a whole ton of discourse??? because he apparently leaked a screenplay for Stranger Things when he wasn't supposed to, or something??? Listen. Listen. I fucking HATE mob mentality on this hellsite; any time there's a call out post about someone, I take that shit with a grain of salt, because you don't know what's real or not, whether or not the "sources" of someone's wrongdoings are completely fabricated screenshots or not, because it's SO easy to make fake screenshots these days. but I still think it's worth mentioning here that there are existing "receipts" on this guy, bc knowing there's discourse abt this seller just in general... doesn't help me feel reassured whatsoever.

If anyone is able to figure out a way that these signatures are legit btw, that would be great. but like I said, I don't know anything about buying online autographs. Maybe there's something I can do to verify, and I just don't know it.

Anyway I debated on whether or not I should keep the screenplay, decided in the heat of a moment "ah fuck it, I wasted money", I contacted the seller and didn't mention why, I just asked for a refund without any explanation -- to my surprise, have had no trouble! He's totally willing to give me a refund without any question. Huge relief. So if I am willing, I can get a full refund and send this most-likely-not-actually-autographed screenplay back.

Except. Now... I keep thinking about it... do I actually want to give it back? I mean yes it is the smart thing to get my money back but... here's the thing. I don't own a La La Land screenplay - like, physically in my hands. I love collecting screenplays. There's a La La Land screenplay for sale online for ten bucks, but it's not the one I want, and I'm not very fond of the cover for it... I can't find another La La Land screenplay anywhere online that's as pretty as this one. There's the 2013 original version and there's the 2015 final draft version, both are really fucking good and totally different. Lots of good content. This seller put together the 2015 version, and the colors look so nice, there's photos in the front when you open it up before you get to the signed page, it's just... it's so pretty. The signatures are pretty, even if they are most likely not real, it's kind of fun to just... hope blindly that maybe, just maybe, they're real. 99% sure that they're not -- but that 1% chance is nice to think about!

So, my question: is it smarter for me to get my full refund and just settle for not owning a La La Land screenplay? Or should I keep this, despite every time I look at the signatures I feel a pang of disappointment and think to myself "ah man that's not real and I spent sixty bucks on it" ??? OR... or. or. should I return this screenplay, get my refund, and then... just .... print the screenplay myself... and make my own very pretty screenplay???

If I go that third route -- HOW do I potentially print out the entire screenplay myself? If I knew how, I could include pictures of Ryan and Emma and just put together my OWN La La Land screenplay. Oh, hell, why stop there?? Why not replace Mia's name with mine, make a whole self ship script out of it, put my own story with Sebastian? Add some drawings?? Make it look like a real screenplay. That would be such a fun project.

But... I don't own a printer and I don't know if it would cost fifty bajillion hundred thousand dollars to go to a printing shop and ask them to print up a hundred pages for me. Or... is that too big of a project to take on? Am I just being silly? ;-;

ok thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I love u.

[roostercrowned]

Realm of the Elderlings Ask Meme Thing

tagged by @tragediegh! \o/ Favorite RotE book: I'm also gonna have to say Fool's Fate though Ass Quest is a close second Why: Listen I will never forget the shrimp emotions I experienced in that tent or during the resurrection, and the reveal/healing of Fitz's forging re-contextualizing all his previous choices. This book pulls no punches. I don't think I would have survived it if I had read it back in 2003 with no guarantee of Beloved surviving. And the ending was devastating but honestly, upon reflection I accept it--not as a "happy" ending but as Fitz maladaptively retreating to his past and being unable to follow through on the character growth that was happening for him up to that point. It is NOT a happy ending for Molly. Top three favorite characters: Amber, Lord Golden, and the Fool. Haha ok no, favorite supporting characters: Patience, Paragon, and Chade, with honorable mention to Jek and Rapskal Top Three Least Favorite Characters: uhhh Tats "Friendzone" Last Name, and Lant--he had me at "poor terrorized kid," lost me at "mean to Bee," started winning me back a little, then lost me again at "dating the 14 year old (implicitly as part of her casting off her gender nonconformity)." Everyone else I was pretty much cool with Favorite Ship (of the floating kind): I already said Paragon so it's gonna have to be Ophelia, she was such a bawdy aunt and she got to slap some bad guys (I don't even remember who it was now but the slapping was important) Top Three Favorite Ships (of the people kind): I'm not really into shipping as like a recreational activity, I feel like Robin Hobb already put in all the work for me on the one I care about. That said: PATIENCE AND LACEY. ...Actually I also really love that one text post about how Chade and Jek definitely hooked up and were total bros about it. I'll try to find it after I post this Would you rather be Witted or Skilled? Witted 100% If you were Witted, what animal would you bond with? A cormorant, and I would regress into full Gollum mode just eating raw fish and wallowing in the sea as god intended Would you rather live in the Outislands, the Mountain Kingdom, the Six Duchies, Bingtown, The Rain Wilds, Kelsingra, Jamaillia, The Pirate Isles, or the Fool's Homeland? Hard not to choose the one of these locations that's presented only as an idealized memory. With NO WINTERS (I grew up in California). Mountain Kingdom might be nice but they need to work on their ableism How were you introduced to the books? A friend with good taste mentioned finishing Farseer and being obsessed with it, and I was like "Hey I like vintage fantasy, would like to get back into reading more, and am laid up with a fucked up shoulder that's keeping me from drawing." and now here we are Share a quote you love: there are so many beautiful profound quotes about changing the world and unconditional love but @tragediegh had those covered so I am gonna go with the only balm for my soul in the aftermath of Fitz eavesdropping on Jek and Amber:

get his ass my mind blanks when it's time to tag people but uhhh @everywaythatmatters and @cicide76536 if you haven't been tagged yet!

[myon-94]

Hmm, back at you! I knew you liked Ray with Dimitri and I now know you don't like Niko with Packie (awesome, hehe), but are they actually the best and least?

Omg an ask what am I to do? Answer it of course this my one chance to talk abt gta ships without wanting to kms

Well if we're talking about non rarepairs and ships that actually have SOME ground in game then I must say Brucie and Roman might just be the best, their dynamic just works so well! In the sweet bellic (I think that's what it's called but it's the one where niko goes to kill that French Tom guy) the preferences written by Roman in niko's bio just seem to reflect Brucie a little too much and also Brucie did mention that "if he were queer" Roman would be in danger eheheh.

As for the least favorite, and I'm sorry everyone and especially to my 2019 baby gta stan self..it's gotta be dimitri and mikhail.

I know I know doomed old man yaoi is too good to pass but. I liked it a little when I first started getting into gta but as time passed I just found myself disliking it more and more.. Aside from the fact that mikhail is a married man with a grown daughter and cheating is a big no in my book, I just find their dynamic more and more toxic. Though that's normally not a big problem for me (I love misery) I think this time not only were they aggressive towards each other but I can't see a hint of romance in their interactions.

I see mikhail and dimitri as two people who were once friends- brothers even, who went through highs and lows together, who witnessed the death of their nation and tried to live in what was once their glorious union while still looking out for one another, and who immigrated to a far, foreign hostile country (most likely) without a penny to their name, and who were slowly and inevitably drifting apart..because nothing lasts forever.

It could've been the money and power, it could've been the painkillers and the coke, it could've been the fact that they were thousands of miles away from home and are still, even after a decade, in a foreign land they can't quite get used to.

Neither of them wanted to let go of the other. They could only trust each other. They were the only hint left of their old lives that neither wanted to forget. But everything was just..too much I guess? This couldn't keep on, and I believe it was dimitri who let go first.

I believe that by the time niko meets mikhail and dimitri the latter has already made up his mind about mikhail. What started as just boredom and annoyance of mikhail and his antics slowly manifesting into hate as his behavior started putting everyone in danger. I even think dimtri lied about the whole petrovic situation just to get an excuse to get rid of mikhail. And mikhail, well he didn't appreciate his friends distance in the slightest. But instead of thinking "maybe this is my fault" he just started to blame everyone and everything but himself, refusing to belive that he and only he was the reason his friend no longer liked him as much..and to cope he just undermines and makes fun of and blames dimitri any chance he can get; calling him paranoid, he blames him for the Lenny situation (though as I said I believe the whole fiasco was a lie) and in a deleted phone call he even accuses dimitri of sleeping with ilyena- the wife he cheats on every day. And to whom he complains? To the Serbian mercenary that knows nothing about any of them of course!

I especially find the moment where he says to niko "Dimitri would've been some prison meat if not for me" incredibly low because..you don't just say such a thing. It's cruel and it's disgusting and serves no purpose other than make dimitri look small in the eyes of others. I find his end quite fitting, rare niko W.

I do think they fucked once or twice tho :3 but they most certainly aren't in love.

BUT if we ARE talking about rarepairs then ohh boy...nothing beats dimitri and boccino. They're like. the ship ever. Still my proudest moment when I thought of these two together one Monday night 😮‍💨✨️ I rambled WAY too much abt mikhail and dimitri I know no one will read this if I talk abt ray and dimitri.

And least favorite rarepair..well there aren't many cuz yk they're rare. But I think Niko and Derrick for no other reason than because they always kill off my babygirls francis and boccino and talk shit about them for the rest of the fic. #Fuck Derrick I hate this lying drug addict rat.

[beefrobeefcal]

In honor of the mission launch being announced, here's a quick bibble for you - a sneaky-peek if you will - of how the mission will go. [previously posted here]

Beefro 👌🥩🚀

“You are beef?”

I’d been standing across from this TinMan for at least an hour, trying to convince him that I was not a criminal and I did not steal the ship that I accidentally took.

“Beef-ro.”, I corrected him with a I’m-losing-my-patience-quickly smile.

Despite his covered face, the slight head tilt and hint of a digitized huff, I knew he was just as frustrated with me as I was with him.

His modulated voice cut the awkward silence. “And your chain code?”

I clenched my jaw and finally let out a sigh and hung my head, my hands clapping together to avoid trying to slap his shiny, metal face.  

“Look, uh – “, I started, pointing my hands, palms together, at him, before realizing we’d been so focused on my name that we’d completely forgotten to address his, “you… I think you’re barking up the wrong tree.”

“I am not barking and there are no trees on this ship.”

I closed my eyes and muttered, “Jesus Murphy…”, then stared at him, questioning my sanity.

“Listen, you metaphor-hating trashcan, I don’t know what a chain code is. I’m really bad at Java scrip and my DOS is like… not that great. I know how to do a ping test and open a command window but that’s it!”

I wasn’t sure if what I said permeated my shiny captor’s dense helmet, until a long, tinny breath was released. I’m pretty sure I just witnessed my first full body eye roll.

I threw my hands up in the air and blurted out, “Just my fucking luck! I meet a space computer nerd with a holier-than-thou attitude at the end of the universe, and –“

“We’re not at the end of the universe…”

“Don’t interrupt! It’s rude – and it’s a fucking figure of speech, you grape!”

[beyondthebackup]

Hatred. Lust. Obsession. Death. (BxA Playlist)

I worked on this...all day. Combed through almost 100 songs. It's my first time doing something like this, but I had to get my feelings and thoughts on this ship out somehow. Thank you to @a-for-alternative for the inspiration and feedback. I hope you enjoy.

Hatred

Afraid - The Neighbourhood

You're too mean, I don't like you

Fuck you, anyway

You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs

It hurts but, I won't fight you

You suck, anyway

You make me want to die, right when I

When I wake up, I'm afraid

Somebody else might take my place

I Get It - CheVelle

How dare you catch me counting?

How dare you call at all?

How dare you call this suffering?

How dare you call at all?

You're right, I get it

It all makes sense, you're the perfect person

So right, so wrong

Let's all live in your imaginary life

You Don't Know Me - Son Lux

I feel you tracing my scars

But you don't know me

You don't know me at all

I see you down on your knees

But you don't own me

You don't know me at all

Rose - A Perfect Circle

So no longer will I

Lay down, play dead

Play your doe in the headlights locked down and terrified

Your deer in the headlights shot down and horrified

When push comes to pull comes to shove

Comes to step around this self-destructive dance

That never would've ended 'til I rose, I roared aloud

Here I will, I am

You Know My Name - Chris Cornell

I've seen angels fall from blinding heights

But you yourself are nothing so divine

Just next in line

Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you

The odds will betray you

And I will replace you

You can't deny the prize it may never fulfill you

It longs to kill you

Are you willing to die?

The coldest blood runs through my veins

You know my name

Dance With The Devil - Breaking Benjamin

Trembling, crawling across my skin

Feeling your cold dead eyes

Stealing the life of mine

I believe in you

I can show you that I can see right through all your empty lies

I won't last long

In this world so wrong

What If I Say Please - Late Night Alumni

Cry your premeditated tears

So tenderly, so insincere

Such feigned, calculated reasons

These warm smiles, they're freezing

So don't appeal me parading like a pantomime, I mean

It's unfeeling and I'm unwilling; let me be

What if I say please?

Girl With One Eye - Florence + The Machine

I slipped my hand under her skirt

I said don't worry, it's not gonna hurt

Oh, my reputation's kind of clouded with dirt

That's why you sleep with one eye open

But that's the price you'll pay

I said, hey, girl with one eye

Get your filthy fingers out of my pie

I said, hey, girl with one eye

I'll cut your little heart out ‘cause you made me cry

I Know Where You Sleep - Emilie Autumn

Fake, crawl, search, kill, fake, crawl, search, kill

Oh my god oh my god, I touched you?

I can never live it down, I can never live it down!

God save the queen, I loved you!?

I can never live it down, I can never live it down!

Oh, oh, I fucked you?

Welcome Home - Coheed and Cambria

But if you really loved me, you would have endured my world

Well you're just as I presumed

A whore in sheep's clothing

Fucking up all I do

Yeah and if so here we stop

Then never again will you see this in your life

Loveust

The Walk - Imogen Heap

That's where this ends

No mistakes, no misbehaving

Oh, I was doing so well

Could we just be friends?

I feel a weakness coming on

No, it's not meant to be like this

Not what I planned at all

I don't want to feel like this

So that makes it all your fault

I Caught Myself - Paramore

You got it, you got it

Some kind of magic

Hypnotic, hypnotic

You're leaving me breathless

I hate this, I hate this

You're not the one I believe in

With God as my witness

Now when I caught myself, I had to stop myself

I'm saying something that I should have never thought of you,

You're pushing and pulling me down to you

But I don't know what I want

Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

Either way he wanted her and this was bad

He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy

Now a little crush turned into a like

And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her

I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight

Lie still, and close your eyes girl

So lovely, it feels so right

I want to hold you close

Soft breasts, beating heart

As I whisper in your ear I want to fucking tear you apart

I Get Off - Halestorm

I get off on you

Getting off on me

Give you what you want

But nothing is for free

It's a give and take

Kind of love we make

When the line is crossed

I get off

Gingerbread Man - Melanie Martinez

I'm the icing covering his body

I wanna hold him so close, so tightly

Baby, how do I say this politely?

Love me harder and don't be nice, please

I wanna feel your crumbs on my body

I want to break you in pieces, fight me

Baby, don't be so scared of biting

Want to eat each other into nothing

Hundred - The Fray

Its hard I must confess

But I'm banking on the rest to clear away

Cause we have spoken everything

Everything short of I love you

You right where you are

From right where I am

Somewhere between

Unsure and a hundred

Third Eye - Florence + The Machine

Cause there's a hole where your heart lies

And I see can it with my third eye

And though my touch, it magnifies

You pull away, you don't know why

'Cause your pain is a tribute

The only thing you let hold you

Wear it now like a mantle

Always there to remind you

Pagan Poetry - Bjork

On the surface simplicity

But the darkest pit in me

And it's pagan poetry

Pagan poetry

This time, I'm gonna keep it to myself

This time, I'm gonna keep me all to myself

But he makes me want to hand myself over

Mechanical Love - In This Moment

And I know you'll never understand me

No matter how hard we try

And I know I'll never understand you

And your mechanical love

I still hear you in my sleep

Your running through my veins

Your whispers, your machine

We knew it was meant to be

But never meant to last

I'm sorry, you always knew

Tender - Stuck In The Sound

Please believe that I won't

Won't give you a chance

To see me fall

Now I'm losing my head

You'll never see me

Never see me again

In love

Obsession

The Diary of Jane - Breaking Benjamin

Try to find out what makes you tick

'Cause I lie down sore and sick, do you like that? Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate

And I don't mind, just let me say that I like that, I like that

Desperate, I will crawl

Waiting for so long

No love, there is no love

Die for anyone

What have I become?

Decode - Paramore

How can I decide what's right

When you're clouding up my mind?

I can't win your losing fight, all the time

Nor can I ever own what's mine

When you're always taking sides

But you won't take away my pride

No, not this time

You Know You Like It - DJ Snake & AlunaGeorge

You know you like it but it drives you insane

You know you like it but it drives you insane

You know you like it but you're scared of the shame

What you want? What you gonna do?

I'm So Sick - Flyleaf

Hear it! I'm screaming it!

You're heeding to it now

Hear it! I'm screaming it!

You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes

This invasion

Makes me feel

Worthless, hopeless, sick

Liar (Manic Depressive Mix by ASP) - Emilie Autumn

I want to hold you to the sun

I want to be your faithful one

I want to show you all the beauty you don't even know you hold

I'm hurting you for your own good

I'd die for you, you know I would

I'd give up all my wealth to buy you back the soul you never sold

I want to mix our blood and put it in the ground

So you can never leave

I want to win your trust, your faith, your heart

You'll never be deceived

Liar

Love Me Dead - Ludo

You're a faith-healer on T.V.

You're an office park without any trees

Corporate and cold

Gushing for gold

Leave me alone

You suck so passionately

You're a parasitic, psycho, filthy creature

Finger-bangin' my heart

You call me up drunk

Does the fun ever start?

The Horror of Our Love - Ludo

I'm a killer, cold and wrathful

Silent sleeper, I've been inside your bedroom

I've murdered half the town, left you love notes on their headstones

I'll fill the graveyards until I have you

Moonlight walking, I smell your softness

Carnivorous and lusting to track you down among the pines

I want you stuffed into my mouth

Hold you down and tear you open

Live inside you, love, I'd never hurt you

But I'll grind against your bones until our marrows mix

I will eat you slowly

Breezeblocks - Alt J

She may contain the urge to run away

But hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks

Germolene, disinfect the scene, my love, my love, love, love

But please don't go, I love you so, my lovely

Please don’t go, I’ll eat you whole

I love you so, I love you so, I love you so

A Love Suicide - Yutaka Minobe

I will do you harm, I will break my arm

I'm a victim of your charms

I want to be dead

When I am, I'm in bed

I can be so mean, you can beat me

I would like to shame you

I would like to blame you

Just because of my love to you

And love itself is just as innocent as roses in May

I know nothing can drive it away

Though love itself is just as brief as a candle in the wind

And it's greedy just like sin

Run - Thien Baccarin

Run.

Death

Protect Me - Placebo

Maybe we're victims of fate, remember when we'd celebrate?

We'd drink and get high until late, and now we're all alone

Wedding bells ain't gonna chime with both of us guilty of crime

And both of us sentenced to time, and now we're all alone

Protect me from what I want, protect me from what I want

Protect me from what I want, protect me, protect me

Cage of Bones - Son Lux

Let's be anyone but you and me today

Trade this heavy cage of bones for flight

And when the sirens reach out for us

We'll be far away

Oh, what a noise we'll make

Drowning out our mistakes, we can't erase

This is the chance we take

We shout until our bones break, we can't replace

Are we now what we'll be?

Are we fixed or free?

Blue - A Perfect Circle

I didn't want to know, I just didn't want to know

Best to keep things in the shallow end

'Cause I never quite learned how to swim

I just didn't want to know

Close my eyes just to look at you

Taken by this seamless vision

I close my eyes, ignore the smoke

Call an optimist, she's turning blue

Such a lovely color for you

Call an optimist, she's turning blue

While I just sit and stare at you

Come As You Are - Yuna

Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy

Take your time, hurry up

Choice is yours, don't be late

Take a rest as a friend

As an old memoria, memoria

And I swear that I don't have a gun

No, I don't have a gun

Running Up That Hill - Placebo

You don't wanna hurt me

But see how deep the bullet lies

Unaware I'm tearin' you asunder

Oh, there is thunder in our hearts

Is there so much hate for the ones we love?

Oh, tell me, we both matter, don't we?

It's you and me

Won't be unhappy

And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

Be runnin' up that road, be runnin' up that hill, be runnin' up that building

With no problems

Lacrymosa - Evanescence

Out on your own

Cold and alone again

Can this be what you really wanted, baby?

Blame it on me

Set your guilt free

Nothing can hold you back now, love

Last Flowers - Radiohead

And if I'm gonna talk

I just wanna talk

Please don't interrupt

Just sit back and listen

'Cause I can't face the evening straight

You can offer me escape

Houses move and houses speak

If you take me there you'll get relief

It's too much, too bright, too powerful

Passive - A Perfect Circle

"Dead as dead can be"

My doctor tells me

But I just can't believe him

Ever the optimistic one

I'm sure of your ability

To become my perfect enemy

Wake up and face me

Don't play dead 'cause maybe

Someday, I will walk away and say

"You disappoint me"

Maybe you're better off this way

In The Lake - Emilie Autumn

In the lake

You will find me

Behind your house

Behind your house

And from that lake

I will remind you

Of your promises broken

Your cruel words spoken

My ocean is bluer than the heart you had to break

My sea is deeper than your lake

Vienna - The Fray

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again

Straighten this whole thing out

Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy

This is the distance

And this is my game face

There's really no way to reach me

There's really no way to reach me

Is there really no way to reach me?

Am I already gone?

[elis-exists]

So, I just watched the S3 finale of The Owl House and I have a lot to say. Spoilers ofc. Also please tell me if The Collector's pronouns are He/Him or They/Them. I use He/Him in one paragraph and They/Them in another, so please tell me thanks!

The ending for The Owl House and Amphibia felt similar (IN A GOOD WAY) with the protagonist "dying", coming back to life with grand power to end the massive threat, and then living again with the proper chance to say goodbye. I have to say, this got me crying/tearing up on a few occasions, especially with how childish and pure The Collector is. (I just realized I have to change my pfp I'll do that later) He just wants to make friends, but he's unaware of how to do so because everyone he's met has used him for their own advantage.

The Collector is one of my favorite characters because he's like me; We don't know how to make friends properly and just hope it works. They just want to help and I can't blame them, especially when Luz takes the hit for them. The fact that it took them a bit to realize that Luz was actually gone broke me. The Collector is so pure. I love them and want them to be my friend. Also, when Luz, Eda, and King were showing The Collector how they became friends, they started looking upset and during the games they played. They felt left out and I can understand that, making me relate to them more.

Raine is my most favorite character for various reasons but that's for another post. The fact that they were possessed by Belos as a puppet was like "Bitch what the fuck?!". Also, the fact that the moon sticker came off to reveal Raine's original outfit was like a punch in the stomach and I can't explain why. I wanna give props to them for fighting off the little shit that is Belos and the fact that Raine broke their violin to protect the Titan's heart just shattered me, especially since it didn't work.

Closer to the middle/end where the trio (Luz, Eda, and King) come to save Raine, they were whistling Eda's Requiem and I had to get up from my bed and just stop like "damn stop trying to break my heart" so yeah. At least they and Eda got their happy ending tbh good for them.

There are also a few things I want to point out that aren't long enough to have paragraph explanations, but I don't want to gloss over them:

Camila as a puppet was crying when Luz's light particles(?) entered The Archives, giving her that motherly instinct that her daughter is gone without her even realizing it.

The Collector was going to sacrifice themself to save everyone else in The Archives probably because Luz sacrificed herself for them.

Everyone (I think) understood that The Collector wanted to help and let him.

WILLOW'S DADS GOT TO KISS ON SCREEN AYOO???? I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU WOULD'VE THOUGHT I WAS ON A SUGAR RUSH!!!

Alador and Darius got a gay scene (okay maybe not gay but it gave off the vibes, especially since I ship them.) (The scene is during the credits when Owlbert is getting the others in The Demon Realm)

The fact that the birds just don't care that the trees on the Titan's arm are sideways and just perch there anyways is amazing.

Everyone got a glow-up and I'm here for it

I love how overly animated some of the scenes are. It makes it more immersive and energetic and I am here for it as well.

The Titan in The Inbetween wearing a Bad Girl Coven shirt and Glyph pajama pants with a little Hooty replacing his right eye is something I thought I'd never see, but I love it. He's such a dad.

The "I loaf you" message The Titan wanted Luz to give to King is such a dad thing to do and I fucking love it. Gave me something to laugh about after the angst I just witnessed.

FLAPJACK'S GRAVE

Hunter working with Eda's dad (I'M SO SORRY I FORGOT HIS NAME I KNEW IT BEFORE) in Palisman carving is just AHHHHHHHH MY HEART

Everyone growing up and doing what they love is so amazing I wish Disney didn't cancel TOH so that we could've had more exploration, especially the lore.

Raine's face is stained from Belos' goop and it looks like they've been crying forever and idk what to say.

GUS' DAD HUGGING THE ILLUSIONS BEFORE HUGGING GUS LIKE IK HE DIDN'T KNOW WHICH ONE WAS GUS BUT THE IDEA THAT HE'S WILLING TO HUG ALL THE ILLUSIONS TO GET TO HIS SON IS JUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That's not all I have, but for rn it is. Tell me what you thought about the finale. If you made it this far, tell me which version of Raine I should cosplay (the original, the puppet, or the glow-up/finale version)

[alexjcrowley]

I see people on here talking about Riget: Exodus and I feel like I have to tell my story. Last year I went to Venice Film Festival and I bought tickets to see Riget: Exodus, of which I knew NOTHING about, except that it was a tv show and it was by Lars Von Trier.

You see, Lars Von Trier is the reason I bought the tickets. I know he is awful human being, but I also know his works are supposed to be good. And I say are supposed because, you guessed it, I have never seen anything by Lars Von Trier. I wanted to start with Nymphomaniac, but I could only find the censored version of the movies and I refused to watch it because it's either the whole thing or nothing for me. Riget: Exodus was going to be first thing I ever saw by Lars Von Trier ever.

So I go buy tickets for a swedish/danish show I didn't even know was a third season, I don't know what it is about, I don't know the genre, I don't know shit, but they're going to show the entire season in one afternoon and it's going to be 5 hours long. I drag my mother with me.

At first we think it's a horror, then the Brooklyn 99esque opening catches us off-guard.

I proceed to be very confused for the first 30-40 minutes, trying to understand if this is a subtle subversive masterpiece I am too dumb to understand, but at some point I get this is a comedy and then just embrace the madness I am witnessing.

You get the first intermission two hour and a half in, I am laughing my ass off, I am loving Alexander Skarsgård's character (fun fact, only now, by seeing other people post, I realised that's Alexander Skarsgård, but his lawyer killed me multiple times), I almost got an heart attack seeing Willem Dafoe, I am shipping the hell out of Helmer and Pontopidan (sue me), I am having the time of my life.

My mother begs me to release her from this torture, she hardly understands the jokes, she tries to say "Well, we've seen half of it, ain't it enough" I say "No, mother, leave if you must, I will stay here, witnessing the peak of comedic craft. And what's not to love about this? Don't you think this is a new height for comedy in the year of our Lord 2022?". She stays with me.

We watch 5 hours of it. Five. Hours. I am exhilarated seeing the milk cartoon scene, I can't stop laughing, I can't stop clapping, I see some other people in the audience are in my same situation.

I realise at the end of the show we have some of the actors with us in the theatre. I am officially going crazy, it's a fever dream.

(And, for pics or it didn't happen, we got Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Nicolas Bro. They're the only ones I got decent pictures of, but I also took some pictures WITH- yeah you could do that- other actors in the show, Bodil Jørgensen aka Karen was super nice, she hugged me and I sort of melted on the spot. They were also super kind with autographs.)

My mom doesn't understand still why I would want to spend five hours of my life like this, but it's fine.

I go home, I want to try and tell my friends about this show, but it feels like a fever dream and they're into internet rabbit holes and obscure stuff, but they've never heard of this. I try to explain how I was killed the scene with the lawyer and Helmer (Halfmer, how it showed on English subtitles) talking about the accusations of molesting the nurse whose name I do not remember (sorry), and at first the lawyer is like "Yeah fuck that bitch" and then it turns out it's also her lawyer so it bills Helmer but it's so complicated to explain how hilarious it was for me to witness that, how I lost my shit at the reveal. I feel I can't put it into words. It feels like I am talking mad.

My mother and I still quote to this day "Little brother" and "Big brother" (I think they were called like that in English, we're italians e we just randomly reference Fratellino e Fratellone and we laugh and the rest of our family looks at us like "everything alright?").

I was starting to believe me and my mum experienced a folie à deux and this show never actually existed and I would be forced to keep all my impressions about it to myself. But it does exist. And you people are talking about it.

So thanks, thank you people talking about this show so I don't feel I went crazy and blacked out for 5 hours during my time in Venice. Thank you.

Also, I gotta ask, people who are fans of this show, how do you came to know it? Is it very popular is Sweden or Denmark? Is it in America? Because I am in Italian gal who spends way more time than she should reading and learning about cinema and I had never heard anyone mention this show in my entire life. I mainly frequent american/anglophone internet spaces and I had never heard of this show (because it's not like I was expecting Italians to talk about it I'll be honest). After Venice all they talked about was Blonde, The Banshees of Inisherin (which I loved!) and The Whale (still have to see that).

I literally saw a post about this show today, for the first time, without looking for it. Fans of the show, this is my weird little story on how I watched Riget Exodus backwards (I actually still have to see the first two seasons, please forgive me). What's yours?

[joethetoonfanandoutcast]

Why I can never watch Sing 2 again

It's not only because of a pairing, but also because llumination does poorly to make it not look like an imitation of other things we've seen before that has little charm or effect:

Before we're introduced to Crystal, Suki's thought of as an individual but after that no one acknowledges her, not even Jimmy (he says Jerry's name but not hers), the gorilla thugs (they could have beaten her up as well since she worked for the bad guy but just ignore her like everyone else) and none of the Moon gang acknowledge her (they don't say "thanks for saving Buster's life"). She's basically been given the whole "secretaries are props, not people" treatment even though she kickstarted the sequel's plot and proved to show potential. She could have just not followed them at the end.

After witnessing the kind of boss Suki has to work for, I can't say that I side with Buster and the gang's views on her in the beginning when they never change their mind about her afterwards. It feels like they're getting butthurt over one person's statement, and that person does not have the best boss. I need something canon to prove otherwise or I'll never be convinced. I need something that doesn't imply "Thanks for helping, now get the hell out of here, you stupid judgy bitch!"

Jerry's just a cheap generic knock-off of every Disney villain's sidekick ever that is so annoying he makes Smee look like a rocket scientist.

Meena is still a shy worry-wart and her crush on a nice guy subplot is generic as crud, and not to mention, Alfonso is just a gender-bent clone of her and a way of shoehorning in Illumination's golden boy Pharrell.

Klaus is just a discount neighsayer with little to no charm.

Darius: not even remotely charming.

What could have made the thugs a bit more likable is subverting the scary thugs trope for one scene with them having idle chit chat like normal people.

Jimmy Crystal: another angry dictator with an attractive woman he doesn't deserve and who doesn't tickle my funny bone.

Clay Calloway: Illumination's Doc Hudson.

Nooshy is just a lynx Esmeralda who's overconfident enough to sass the a-hole monkey teacher, and the whole fandom has to be all under the impression that she's "there I taught you to dance and am an appropriate companion because I'm funny and young now let's get each other laid", and I do not remotely ship them.

Porsha: every furry may be easily appealed by her being a wolf, her being Halsey, her being into vintage (which I'm also into), and her brash loudness and poor acting, but I'm not

The 'being yourself and achieving your dream goals' message is hammered in along with the implied symbolism that ugly is good (most of Moon's crew are cartoonish and funny-looking) and good-looking (that would be Jimmy Crystal, Suki Lane, Porsha, Linda Le Bon, and the gazelle receptionist) is bad. Seriously, why can't we just live in a world where both funny-looking and not-funny-looking are valued equally, like we have a model human married to a fucking cartoon rabbit?

Suki at first to show potential as a brilliant subversion of 'all critics are bad' or 'businesswomen aren't likable' or 'salukis are worthless' is going straight into the trash bin due to Meledandri's statement: Illumination CEO Chris Meledandri stated, "It will involve characters from the original cast, but it will take us into a new world. It means she's getting axed in favor of Mike, Eddie and the new characters instead of squeezing her in somehow. They literally could have given her a short explaining that she'll never have anything to do with them again, acknowledging the furries who like her and her design.

I cannot watch this when they don't even try to mask that it's an uncharming imitation of the Muppets (2011) and Dreamgirls that doesn't break enough rules.

[halfmaul]

oc masterpost ig. I never make content but theyre in my heart and mind always. It’s long!

i am rotating these idiots in my mind, they are in situations in my head etc

The Crew

These four!! These four. They had a real DnD style meet-cute (all arrived to catch the same low-level bounty at once, shenanigans ensue they must make it out through the power of teamwork) and have been inseparable (stuck together via Circumstances (TM) ) since. They’ve been debating on what to call the group approx. a year now. No agreement in sight.

They essentially started off with a little gun of a ship and big bounty-hunting/freelance-whatever dreams and uh. Have ended up trapped on coruscant for repairs. Half of the income they make doing odd jobs goes to the docking fees for the ship while they wait for (and to afford) the parts needed. Despite the incredibly rocky and stressful start they’ve managed to grow quite close, and work well to balance each other out. They can be seen getting up to shenanigans, getting paid (usually via at least dubiously legal means) and general silly business.

One night they met a lightly stabbed Hound in the lower levels and took em to their ship to try and patch them up. After failing to steal adopt Grizzer they went for Hound, to which Hound said “you’re all fucking gremlins, i have enough insane siblings”. They might admit to a small soft spot for the idiots upon pain of death. No familial bonds here at all. Definitely not.

After this the crew do a lot of information (or rumour) gathering for the guard, and will try and source supplies where they can.

They also has matching nicknames/fake ids because  they’re just Like That.

Gunne (AKA Thor or Boom)

Gunne (She/Her) is a Devaronian with a flair for the dramatic. Big ‘grumpy medic(/nurse)’ energy. She’ll look after the misfits well but also be really vocally unhappy about it the whole time. She loves fashion and WILL refuse to wear gear if it isn’t made into A Look. Her fave sesh glasses are some of those red-tinted flame shaped things. Yes she has a collection. One of her horns is broken, and she often wears a gold prosthetic tip on it. She’s slow to trust, but once you have it she is ride or die to a fault. She has spent a lot of time as the only medical professional in remote areas, and when it comes down to it she’s tough as guts and will make do with what she can (and do a bang-up job of it).

They haven’t met BUT I think her and Wolffe would be the best of worsties. Bitches add a double letter and an e to words and be like yes this is the perfect name.

Pandora (AKA Dora, Score, Zoom)

Dora (She/Her) is a Pantoran who is sweet and adorable in the way a feral kitten is. She will deny any force-sensitivity, but will also have Moments which result in (usually disconcerting) comments on the future. Or probable futures. Either way it can be a little startling to hear a grim prophecy delivered, but doesn’t her smile and positive demeanor make up for it! She’s also a demolitions expert! Great at sourcing weapons and explosives, and even improvising them in a pinch. Loves to pull the old ‘oh I’m just naive and innocent you should help me I’m not at all a hired hunter’ ruse. She’s one of the main reasons the crew even came together in the start instead of trying to cut each other down, and isn’t above reminding the rest of them of this when feeling a little smug.

She also card counts for fun and profit. Mostly fun. She has absolutely no poker face.

Selene (aka Luna, Sweetie, Gloom)

Selene (She/Her) is a Mirialan who is a bit of a jack of all trades, and keeps the group together and alive a lot because of this. She’s the best pilot, moonlights as a sniper when needed, and can be relied upon as a level-headed voice of treason reason in a pinch. Those who don’t know her well think her stance on her companions was “long-suffering (affectionate)”. In reality she has a cutting wit and will take any opportunity to stir the pot. She’s also the best (and arguably only) person in the crew at acknowledging when help is needed, and then going ahead and asking for it. 

While she was born on Mirial, she only spent her early childhood on the planet. Her father specialised in heavy-ship repairs, and they spent most of their time living on the massive docks and stations/hamlet-towns that grow from them. After her father was injured in a workplace incident when she was in her early teens, her adolescence was spent being supported and taught by the eclectic mix that was the station community. As much as she loved her extended family, she felt like if she didn’t try and experience something new soon she’d be stuck in the same place doing the same thing her whole life, so made the (slightly impulsive) decision to hitch a ride on a cargo ship and find something new. She keeps her dad updated on the ship repairs (and costs), and he is growing increasingly despaired at their choice of transport.

Remy (Aka Gremlin, Lucky, Doom, rat bastard)

Remy (They/Them) is a member of a species from the outer rim that is little known and I definitely didn’t just make up. They’re purple. They have big ol ears. They’re maybe for sure a space eshay. They’re 130cm tall with a head like a brick. They are actually so unlikeable.

Remy loves to act like they’re nothing but the hired muscle of the group. They do a great job of putting up a front, and really embody the short, dirty-fighting, rat dog mindset. Behind the scenes Remy is also the one who is best at balancing the budget, is too smart for their own good, and has a knack for the cut-throat politics of coruscant that is mild-to-moderately disturbing. While the youngest of the group, they definitely have the most experience at hunting, though this is sometimes to their detriment. They could have easily gone down a path of more sinister organised crime. They had started to, in fact, before a particularly harrowing experience that knocked some sense into them and their worldview askew. They’re learning to lean on the others slowly, and maybe become a little bit of a better person.

Hound is of the opinion that introducing Remy and Fox will either save the galaxy or doom it. They haven’t been game enough to try. Or introduce any of the crew really. That way madness lies.

Wow! Bonus pics in The Highest Android Quality.

[soybeenss]

Four, three, two, fuck you

Listen up y'all, this shit is ironic

Strider's beats are best suited to trolls hooked on phonix!

Karkalicious definition makes terezi loco

She wants to know the secrets that she can't taste in my photo

Dyin' just to know the flavor

I ain't doin' her no favors

No reasons why I tease

Her flush just comes and goes like seasons

I'm karkalicious (so delicious)

No, I don't do kismesis

And if you read any fanfics

All that shit is fictitious

I blow kisses (mwah!)

Don't matter if we're just moiraills

Trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail

(Four, three, two, fuck you)

So delicious (super sweet)

So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)

So delicious (even egbert wants a piece o' me)

I'm karkalicious (l-l-l-l-like candy, candy)

Karkalicious def-

Karkalicious def- (goddammit, doc scratch, stop fucking around with my mic)

Karkalicious definition makes the shippers crazy

Nepeta's always squealin'

Cutesy pet names like karkitty

I'm the K to the A, R, K, the A, the T

And the majority of pairings had better include me

I'm karkalicious (so delicious)

My body stays vicious

All the highbloods feelin' nervous 'cause I'm doing some fitness

Zahhak's my witness

Bet that ship curls nepeta's tail

And he'll be needing all the towels 'cause I'ma make him sweat pails

(Four, three, two, fuck you)

So delicious (super sweet)

So delicious (fuckin' adorabloodthirsty)

So delicious (even egbert wants a piece o' me)

I'm karkalicious (now you nooksuckers hold the fuck up, check it out)

Baby, baby, baby

If you really want me

Honey, get some patience

Maybe then you'll get a taste

I'll be tasty, tasty

I'll be laced with lacy

It's so tasty, tasty

It'll make you crazy

T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty

T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty

D to the E, to the L I C I O U S

To the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the

I'll just spell it out for you!

All the time I turn around trolls gather round

Always sniffin' at me, wanna guess the

Color of my blood

I just wanna say it now

I ain't trying to round up any drama

Little fucker I just don't want

You to know

And I guess I'm coming off as

Just a little insecure although

I keep on repeating how the

Secret's fucking awesome

But I'm tryin' to tell, it's a secret that I just don't wanna tell

Terezi says I smell

Delicious (so delicious)

No, I don't do kismesis

And if you read any fanfics

All that shit is fictitious

I blow kisses (mwah!)

Don't matter if we're just moiraills

Trolls be lining down the veil for a chance to fill a pail

Four, three, two, fuck you

My body stays vicious

Zahhak's been feeling nervous 'cause I got down to business

Nepeta's my witness (meow!)

I'll even let her first ship sail

Just watch that kitten be the first in line to fill a pail

So delicious (eridan, see)

So delicious (you can trust me)

So delicious (I'll help you be)

I'm karkalicious, l-l-like candy, candy

It's so delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)

So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)

So delicious (ay, ay, ay, ay)

I'm karkalicious, (she says my blood is like candy, candy)

T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty

T to the A, to the S T Y - fuckin' tasty

D to the E, to the L I C I O U S

D to the E, to the L I C I O U S

To the D, to the E, to the, L I C I O U S, to the

D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the E, to the

Now, wait just a motherfucking second!

Do I seriously have to spell this shit

Until the end of the fucking song?

I mean, whoever fucking wrote the original

Never had access to spellcheck, I guess

Because TASTEY does not spell tasty

Was this fergie douchemuffin illiterate or

Something?

What do you mean human rap artists

Are the only ones brave enough to write their own

Grammatical trainwrecks and call it music?

What the fuck even is Will Smith doing?

He doesn't throw down sick fires anymore?

Fuck this shit, I quit

I am afraid I need around 30 business days to mentally and emotionally process this ask

[iwouldexistwithoutyou]

Three Short Story Openings

Scene 1 Summary: 11 years ago I wrote the opening of a sci-fi story for an English course I took in college, I was reading it over because I was going to simply edit it for a course I'm taking to get my master's, ended up just rewriting the opening scene along with two new scenes, one of these three will become a full short story. Looking back at the old version, I can really see my progress as a writer and I'm pretty proud of it. (Formatting is busted on tumblr)

Scene I: The black Earth hung like a dead orb in the window of their ship. Jaiden sat seething within the stasis depressurizing chamber. He had heard briefings about what happened to the Earth so long ago, how humanity had been driven from their home those four hundred years past. Nothing prepared him for what the place looked like now however. Squirming over the surface he could see the oceans were now pitch black and so different from the images he had seen of the blue planet from yore, the land itself seemed relatively untouched, but he knew from his briefings the opposite to be true. With a hiss the gelatinous clear fluid surrounding his body began to lower, once it reached his neck the fluid began to crystallize, the warm gel swirled around him and began forming at first tiny and then large strands of connections, the nano-machines communicating with each other to begin materializing a black form fitting hazard suit over his pale skin. Jaiden kept his eyes locked on the planet. He would be the fiery vengeance of his species, who were now situated far away living within the roaming super-ships or the sparse human colonies eking out an existence on planets that barely sustained them. A humming sound above him is quickly deafened as a helmet engulfs his skull, followed by a locking sound completely shutting out all other sounds. For a few seconds there was complete darkness, his eyes struggling to adjust but to no avail, and then finally from his left a woman walked in front of him. She was wearing a long white coat, and a black blouse with a skirt. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail. Her familiar British accent rang out. “Good morning, Dr. Jones.” “Good morning, Moe.”

Scene II Summary:

A man named Richard is moving into a new home in Maine, he is leaving his life in California to start over after his divorce. He sees the house as a new beginning but begins to encounter strange hauntings during the evenings shortly after moving in. He seeks local help and is warned by a Psychic named Sarah Redwood that he’s living in a haunted home. She offers to come inside and bless the home for him, during this blessing he witnesses the power she has and how she is able to know exactly what he’s been seeing, without him telling her.

Scene II:

            The woman in the mirror had been smiling at him for about an hour. Every time he checked again, she was still there. What Richard had first dismissed as a waking nightmare had clearly outlived the expiration date for one of those. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand. “4:37 AM” it read, he shook his head back and forth, smacking himself across the face and looked back at the clock “4:37 AM” it defiantly stated again. His doctor had told him if you’re not sure you’re dreaming, look at a clock, then away and back at it, if the time changes you know you’re in a dream.

            “Riiiichard.”

            Came a sing-song voice from the bathroom situated right at the foot of his bed. It knew his name somehow. He refused to look again, could not look. He flung the covers of his bed off himself, they felt as if they weighed one hundred pounds as his entire body began to vibrate. From the cold, he told himself.

            “Richard, honey, it’s me. Don’t you want me Richard? I want you.”

            Her voice echoed as if she was actually in his bathroom, he sprung out of the door to his room and slammed it shut. There was no fucking way this was happening he thought as his eyes darted around the house, boxes were still piled up in the hallway, the smell of fresh paint still in the air of this newly renovated home.

            His bare feet thumped loudly on the wooden stairs as he held onto the banister, trying to hold his composure. He reached the living room when he heard a doorknob upstairs turn, in the darkness her white nightgown seemed to glow as she opened the door, her hair draped in front of her face.

            “Richard? Please, come back to bed. I have needs you know.” She giggled as she spoke.

            Completely in disbelief he stared at what couldn’t have been there, and yet somehow was, within a second suddenly she was at the top of the stairs and he screamed despite himself turning to face her.

            “Let me show you.”

            He flung the door open and ran out onto the porch, the cool night air and choir of crickets embracing him, a heaviness falling off of his shoulders. As he stumbled onto his lawn he stared at the front door, wide open into the yawning maw of the home, no one walked through. His bedroom light on the second floor turned on, then off, two minutes dragged by as he sat not knowing what to do next, and then the front door slammed shut. He could only think of the terror, the disbelief, and how quickly he could sell this home he had only just purchased.

Scene III Summary:

Jack is a modern day hit man, he works only for the most elite clients, and he is about to work for the most elite client of them all. After killing the leader of a crime syndicate somehow Jack’s wife is found, she is kidnapped by members of the crime syndicate and Jack quickly tries to rescue her. He is killed during a gunfight but is offered a deal by none other than Death AKA “Ted” himself, if he can bring Death the souls of one thousand evil men, Death will resurrect him and reunite him with his wife. He’ll have access to abilities no human should have, and his own personal demon assistant, What could go wrong? Also YES this is a complete rip off of the plot of "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" but MCR never bothered actually writing the story out, so I figured I'd take the liberty for fun.

            Scene III:

            He leapt up from his chair and touched his chest where he had been shot. He looked down only to find a black and red freshly tailored suit.

            “You like it? I had it especially designed for you Jack.”

            He looked up at the man sitting before him. Platinum blonde slicked-back hair, a black suit with a paisley tie, a red pocket square. The man smiled, an impossibly white set of teeth peering through ruby lips. He stretched out his hand.

            “Ted. Nice to make your acquaintance.”

            Jack instinctively reached forward gripping his hand, it felt like an ice cube, and he let go quickly, Ted doing the same.

            “Please please, have a seat Jack.”

            “How did-“

            “You get here? Yeah, lemmie save you some time, trust me this gets old after you’ve-”

            The man brought a cigar to his lips and inhaled for a moment, savoring the taste before releasing black smoke into the air.

            “Done this as much as I have.”

            Ted examined the cigar with mild interest and then looked back at Jack smiling once more.

            “Jack, you found yourself in a gunfight a few moments ago, over a woman no less how stereotypical, and now here you are in my office. I won’t bore you with the metaphysical details of how you’ve arrived in my care but let me assure you that you are in fact very dead. Pretty painless as far as they go, the good ol’ nine-millimeter ‘boom’ straight into the heart, you could do worse.”

He paused, watching Jack’s face for a moment, that smile returning. After letting that hang in the air for a few moments he continued.

“This deal I’m about to offer you is a rare one, it comes around once in a decade just about, and I only offer it to special types of men, women, and of course children. You get one opportunity to agree to or disagree to it, so I suggest you think about it very carefully.”

[princess-of-the-corner]

Avatar Ty Lee: How would things during their visit to the Northern Water Tribe go? Especially with Master Pakku and his views on women considering that he HAS to teach Ty Lee because she is the Avatar that has the four elements.

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

So! They get to the Northern Water Tribe! And things go.... okay at first.

They're not dumb enough to lie to Chief Arnook and his higher ups about half their group being Fire Nation. Honestly despite the Tribe being somewhat isolated they had heard rumors and know some info as it affects the War. Especially considering that most of the Fire Nation Royals have jumped ship to the other side against the Fire Lord.

So no drama from that.

But yeah we.... we get to trying to learn Waterbending from Master Pakku. (Fun fact: In my notes I seem to have forgotten his name and just refer to him as 'old man sexism'. So like rip my dude.)

Now. At first, Pakku is willing to bend their traditions. As Ty Lee is the Avatar and not from their culture at all. Even though he clearly has his feelings on it, he realizes this is a more complicated situation.

However, when it comes to Katara trying to learn, he refuses. Because she isn't The Avatar. Because she is part of the Water Tribe and it is their culture.

He gets called out on this, of course. Like. All the Gaang is pissed

Katara is saying the same shit she did in Canon. Sokka is like 'Damn at least when I was being a sexist asshole I still thought she should be able to learn to waterbend properly'. Aang is at level of 'oh right I forgot gender is a thing what the fuck'. Zuko is so confused because there's regular sexism and then there's 'what do you mean women can't fight have you ever met a woman??'. Ty Lee is in that 'Your culture is to cut off half its people from their culture???'. Iroh is just so tired because he's had this conversation with Pakku before when someone brought up why there weren't any women in the White Lotus.

Azula and Mai are particularly vicious. Making such points as 'No wonder you're losing the War if you shrink your army by banning half the population from even being able to defend themselves'. And 'One untrained fourteen year old girl has done more fighting on the frontlines of the war than your crusty ass has in a while!'.

Eventually we get to the fight like in Canon. And while the whole group, especially the girls, are down to kick ass, they let Katara do it as it means more coming from her. This is her culture, this is her fight.

Now. The fight goes slightly different. Don't get me wrong! We still have the ending the same where she loses but Pakku sees the necklace and they have that conversation.

But while Katara hasn't been traveling with any /Waterbenders/, she has been traveling with multiple people who are good at Bending their respective elements. Though not everything translates, some does. Plus, even if it didn't, sparring against someone 'better' means you have to work hard to catch up.

So while Katara still loses the fight as she's going up against a Master with years of training, she lasts a bit longer than she did in Canon.

Now. The one other thing I haven't addressed about this episode but still have talked about in one other post.

The Yue romance.

Now. While I love Canon and the Yue/Sokka, Yue is not part of my endgame ship. (Technically she's not endgame ship for anyone BUT). My in-universe explanation is that while I am planning the polyship, the idea of a polyship has not been brought up so while everyone finds Yue attractive, I just kickstarted the Sokka/Zuko romance so they're a little too new and again don't know the poly thing so Sokka just skips over that.

Azula on the other hand!!!!

Look. LOOK. The yin-yang of it all? Fire Princess and Water Princess? Azula is very hot-tempered and sharp-witted while Yue is more soft and sweet, but both have determination once they set their mind on something. Both had pressures as Princess and were raised to be in certain roles, but the roles were wildly different; Yue would be a good wife to an arranged husband, Azula was supposed to be a weapon.

The combination? *chef's kiss*. 

Also Azula attempting to flirt is hilarious. Especially if we keep the proposal and rejection scene because I already headcanoned that the Fire Nation proposes with fancy hand-crafted weapons. So please imagine Azula handing Yue a knife. It still results in a tearful "I'm already engaged, I have a duty to my people, so we have to stop this!". 

And god that hits Azula hard. Because while she's still here, still helping Team Avatar win the war, a small part of her is always telling her that she's a failure for doing so. That she's going against what her father and her country want for her, and what she was trained to want for herself. Seeing Yue choose her duty over her love brings up those feelings, even though Azula knows it's an entirely different situation. 

She also begins to wonder what she would be like if she had done the same. If she had stood by what her country did, no matter how wrong it might be. If she had stayed in the Fire Nation when Zuko left.

[asher-the-diaster]

the sister planets part 9

the penner project

this is part of a ingoing humans are space orcs series that i'm not totally sure how i ended up writing, as always the link to the part index is here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DYMuKK5CIgJgDapNbu5sBqr_b5uT1Yz4pJoJ2fuAk4w/edit?usp=sharing

Earth was in chaos, and I had never felt this useless in my whole life.

After first contact with extraterrestrials, the government tried to keep the information classified, which did not work. And when footage leaked and people discovered that the Canadian prime minister had been at diplomatic contact soon the fact that i was the one who made contact was out of the bag too.

My crew was on leave to recover from the ordeal, and deal with the fact that ourship exploded, so I was on earth witnessing the chaos first hand, unable to do anything.

Aliens.

Everyone was up in arms.

Riots in the streets, death prophecies, just general incoherent panic.

My crew ended up in a secure facility, partially to monitor our health both physical and mental, mostly to keep us safe from being targeted by the riots outside.

Governments went largely silent on the issue. Censorship cut off information from the general public in an attempt to curb the chaos, it did not work.

After three weeks of non stop general panic a nurse told me that there was someone who wanted to see me.

I got dressed as professionally as you can in a hospital with a broken leg and walked out on my crutches, now a human model. I was kinda sad they didn’t let me keep the one twee-ake had given me.

The nurse led me into the common room, then handed me a translation device.

“The fuck? I thought this was my family or something.”

“They’ll call you in when they're ready.”

“Okay...” i put on the device, it looked like a pair of over the ear headphones someone had removed one ear from and pushed the other one out, the point to that was to ensure that you could still hear your environment during translation, i put it on and pushed the bottom that let the mic pick up my voice to translate.

Soon after I had the device on, the other members of my crew started to arrive in the common room. Unsurprisingly Olivera looked the most put together, how she had gotten her uniform in here I don't know. Davoin wore jeans and a t- shirt, and Richardson was in sweats.

None of us seemed to have any clue what was going on.

I was called in first, they led me to a conference room type place at the end of the hall.

Inside was my platoon leader, the nato and spto generals, a rep from the UN, and my brother, the prime minister of canada.

“Should I be in uniform?” I asked.

“It's fine captain, we understand that you are recovering from your... ordeal.”

“Right.” get abducted by aliens one time and everyone puts the kiddy gloves on around you, “May I ask what is happening here?”

“Sure, so you are obviously aware of our first contact with extraterrestrials, and the problems that have arisen on their front and ours.”

“Yeah.”

“Well our delegations and their contact crew, I believed they were called, have come up with a solution to the problems that have arisen due to these particular circumstances.”

“You mean the fact that the two most advanced species in interstellar life happen to be martians and venusians who are terrified of us because they think they were children of a death god? Or the riots about aliens existing?”

The UN rep looked at Mathew, “don’t look at me I've seen her cuss at a president, that is filtered for her.”

“Anyways. The spto rep said, “the solution that was reached was a joint study in interstellar space, we send a crew on a interspecies ship that will run odd jobs in order to help with the galaxy and they also send crews to join us, we get to study and learn from each other.”

“That sounds like a plan but why tell me?”

“Because,” Matt said, putting his head in his hands, “they want you to run it.”

“Well you too captain the ship, not necessarily do the study.”

“Why me? I stuck at improving humans opinions on humans, why woud anyone want me to represent the planet?”

“The martians and venusians, twee-ake and titita? Asked for you by name.`` Mathew said, rubbing his temples.

“Ok,” i trusted those too, they had saved my life, if they were involved i trusted the project.

“What?”

“As long as my crew can come I'll do it.”

“Catain,” the nato general said, “we are talking about being light years from your home, at the wimes of a race and we know nothing about, I implore you, think this through.”

“I have, these people saved me and my crew's lives, that bodes a lot of trust for me, plus they legitimately think we are children of a death god, they won’t try to hurt me. If my crew is allowed to come and is willing, I'm in.”

“Your crew, if willing, were on our list of potentials, along with an even number of citizens from the spto, we refuse to let nato do this without our input.”

“Understood.”

“Can I talk to my sibling out in the hall?” Mat asked, “great” he said not waiting for an answer, he pulled me by the arm and into the hall.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a whisper yell.

“Agreeing to help my people advance, how is this different from you running for pm, this is my way of helping earth.”

“This could end badly, we don’t know anything about these people. What if they hurt you?”

“Did you miss the part where they saved my life?”

“You could get even more hurt.”

“My leg wasn’t there flaut, and even if it was you can get hurt walking down the street, the possibility of injury is nothing new to me matthew.”

“Sam please.”

“I love you, but this isn’t your decision to make.”

10 minutes later me and my crew were in front of the brass, as they finished the project's explanation.

“Well?” i asked, “we can’t force you to go but i’m not doing this without you, what do you say?”

“Let's blow this popsicle stand.” Richardson exclaimed.

“In 5 weeks when the ship and your broken bones are ready.”

“Am i the only one who is wondering how this is going to stop the riots?” Oliveira asked.

“We are keeping the interior mission declassified, we are working for open information and familiarity to stop the panic.”

“I feel like that logic is flawed but okay…”

As we discussed the details I caught a glimpse of Mathew, he looked worried sick, but he would come to understand, wouldn’t he? This was what the oracle started, and what our remaining members would finish.