#what's the harm in believing in soulmates? i feel like i see so much anti soulmate stuff

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

In Hobi’s enlistment send off, to me Jikook looked like they haven’t seen each other for a long time. It’s nice to see Jimin still affectionate for JK but honestly I wouldn’t mind if he just ignores him 🫢

Tae and Jimin though, I really think there’s an issue there. Any thoughts on this?

- Jikooks hug was sweet but I’d still prefer jimin stay away from him. I think it’s healthier. Jungkook doesn’t really deserve his attention. But that’s jimin - always loving no matter what 😭

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I put these together since both asks mentioned the same. Tbh I never know what to say to stuff like that because it's a matter of our reality vs their reality.

I can't say what's healthy for them , their personal lives and relationships. For many of us tho, I get that it's "better" if Jimin doesn't interact with Jungkook publicly because it's always been regarded negatively, by a lot of people. It's a fact that jikook has never really done any good for Jimin. It doesn't benefit him like his antis think. It's done more harm than good for him. People who love Jimin will love him with or without Jungkook by his side. "Antis" might be successful in manipulating the narrative and distorting Jimin's reputation; for sure some have believed their lies and think ill of Jimin now. But they don't realize that they're also making people be even more supportive of him 🤷‍♀️ because he truly doesn't deserve any of it.

As for vmin... I've talked so much about them 😅 I'll just link the posts. And some vminkook posts because vmin is also involved in that.

Only thing I have to add, that I was thinking while looking for these posts, is that we tend to focus a lot on Jimin for obvious reasons, and yeah we can tell that something has changed, but I think it's also obvious that there's a difference in attitude towards Jimin from Taehyung's end too.

[shortnotsweet]

Bakudeku: A Non-Comprehensive Dissection of the Exploitation of Working Bodies, the Murder of Annoying Children, and a Rivals-to-Lovers Complex

I. Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

II. Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

III. How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

IV. Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

V. Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

VI. Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

VII. Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

Disclaimer

It needs to be said that there is definitely a place for disagreement, discourse, debate, and analysis: that is a sign of an active fandom that’s heavily invested, and not inherently a bad thing at all. Considering the amount of source material we do have (from the manga, to the anime, to the movies, to the light novels, to the official art), there are going to be warring interpretations, and that’s inevitable.

I started watching and reading MHA pretty recently, and just got into the fandom. I was weary for a reason, and honestly, based on what I’ve seen, I’m still weary now. I’ve seen a lot of anti posts, and these are basically my thoughts. This entire thing is in no way comprehensive, and it’s my own opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. If I wanted to be thorough about this, I would’ve included manga panels, excerpts from the light novel, shots from the anime, links to other posts/essays/metas that have inspired this, etc. but I’m tired and not about that life right now, so, this is what it is. This is poorly organized, but maybe I’ll return to fix it.

Let’s begin.

Bakudeku in Canon, And Why Anti’s Need to Calm the Fuck Down

There are a lot of different reasons, that can be trivial as you like, to ship or not to ship two (or more) characters. It could be based purely off of character design, proximity, aversion to another ship, or hypotheticals. And I do think that it’s totally valid if someone dislikes the ship or can’t get on board with his character because to them, it does come across as abuse, and the implications make them uncomfortable or, or it just feels unhealthy. If that is your takeaway, and you are going to stick to your guns, the more power to you.

But Bakudeku’s relationship has canonically progressed to the point where it’s not the emotionally (or physically) abusive clusterfuck some people portray it to be, and it’s cheap to assume that it would be, based off of their characterizations as middle schoolers. Izuku intentionally opens the story as a naive little kid who views the lens of the Hero society through rose colored glasses and arguably wants nothing more than assimilation into that society; Bakugou is a privileged little snot who embodies the worst and most hypocritical beliefs of this system. Both of them are intentionally proven wrong. Both are brainwashed, as many little children are, by the propaganda and societal norms that they are exposed to. Both of their arcs include unlearning crucial aspects of the Hero ideology in order to become true heroes.

I will personally never simp for Bakugou because for the longest time, I couldn't help but think of him as a little kid on the playground screaming at the top of his lungs because someone else is on the swingset. He’s red in the face, there are probably veins popping out of his neck, he’s losing it. It’s easy to see why people would prefer Tododeku to Bakudeku.

Even now, seeing him differently, I still personally wouldn’t date Bakugou, especially if I had other options. Why? I probably wouldn’t want to date any of the guys who bullied me, especially because I think that schoolyard bullying, even in middle school, affected me largely in a negative way and created a lot of complexes I’m still trying to work through. I haven’t built a better relationship with them, and I’m not obligated to. Still, I associate them with the kind of soft trauma that they inflicted upon me, and while to them it was probably impersonal, to me, it was an intimate sort of attack that still affects me. That being said, that is me. Those are my personal experiences, and while they could undoubtedly influence how I interpret relationships, I do not want to project and hinder my own interpretation of Deku.

The reality is that Deku himself has an innate understanding of Bakugou that no one else does; I mention later that he seems to understand his language, implicitly, and I do stand by that. He understands what it is he’s actually trying to say, often why he’s saying it, and while others may see him as wimpy or unable to stand up for himself, that’s simply not true. Part of Deku’s characterization is that he is uncommonly observant and empathetic; I’m not denying that Bakugou caused harm or inflicted damage, but infantilizing Deku and preaching about trauma that’s not backed by canon and then assuming random people online excuse abuse is just...the leap of leaps, and an actual toxic thing to do. I’ve read fan works where Bakugou is a bully, and that’s all, and has caused an intimate degree of emotional, mental, and physical insecurity from their middle school years that prevents their relationship from changing, and that’s for the better. I’m not going to argue and say that it’s not an interesting take, or not valid, or has no basis, because it does. Its basis is the character that Bakugou was in middle school, and the person he was when he entered UA.

Not only is Bakugou — the current Bakugou, the one who has accumulated memories and experiences and development — not the same person he was at the beginning of the story, but Deku is not the same person, either. Maybe who they are fundamentally, at their core, stays the same, but at the beginning and end of any story, or even their arcs within the story, the point is that characters will undergo change, and that the reader will gain perspective.

“You wanna be a hero so bad? I’ve got a time-saving idea for you. If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life...go take a swan dive off the roof!”

Yes. That is a horrible thing to tell someone, even if you are a child, even if you don’t understand the implications, even if you don’t mean what it is you are saying. Had someone told me that in middle school, especially given our history and the context of our interactions, I don’t know if I would ever have forgiven them.

Here’s the thing: I’m not Deku. Neither is anyone reading this. Deku is a fictional character, and everyone we know about him is extrapolated from source material, and his response to this event follows:

“Idiot! If I really jumped, you’d be charged with bullying me into suicide! Think before you speak!”

I think it’s unfair to apply our own projections as a universal rather than an interpersonal interpretation; that’s not to say that the interpretation of Bakudeku being abusive or having unbalanced power dynamics isn’t valid, or unfounded, but rather it’s not a universal interpretation, and it’s not canon. Deku is much more of a verbal thinker; in comparison, Bakugou is a visual one, at least in the format of the manga, and as such, we get various panels demonstrating his guilt, and how deep it runs. His dialogue and rapport with Deku has undeniably shifted, and it’s very clear that the way they treat each other has changed from when they were younger. Part of Bakugou’s growth is him gaining self awareness, and eventually, the strength to wield that. He knows what a fucked up little kid he was, and he carries the weight of that.

“At that moment, there were no thoughts in my head. My body just moved on its own.”

There’s a part of me that really, really disliked Bakugou going into it, partially because of what I’d seen and what I’d heard from a limited, outside perspective. I felt like Bakugou embodied the toxic masculinity (and to an extent, I still believe that) and if he won in some way, that felt like the patriarchy winning, so I couldn't help but want to muzzle and leash him before releasing him into the wild.

The reality, however, of his character in canon is that it isn’t very accurate to assume that he would be an abusive partner in the future, or that Midoryia has not forgiven him to some extent already, that the two do not care about each other or are singularly important, that they respect each other, or that the narrative has forgotten any of this.

Don’t mistake me for a Bakugou simp or apologist. I’m not, but while I definitely could also see Tododeku (and I have a soft spot for them, too, their dynamic is totally different and unique, and Todoroki is arguably treated as the tritagonist) and I’m ambivalent about Izuocha (which is written as cannoncially romantic) I do believe that canonically, Bakugou and Deku are framed as soulmates/character foils, Sasuke + Naruto, Kageyama + Hinata style. Their relationship is arguably the focus of the series. That’s not to undermine the importance or impact of Deku’s relationships with other characters, and theirs with him, but in terms of which one takes priority, and which one this all hinges on?

The manga is about a lot of things, yes, but if it were to be distilled into one relationship, buckle up, because it’s the Bakudeku show.

Power is Power: the Brain-Melting Process of Normalization and Toxic Masculinity

One of the ways in which the biopolitical prioritization of Quirks is exemplified within Hero society is through Quirk marriages. Endeavor partially rationalizes the abuse of his family through the creation of a child with the perfect quirk, a child who can be molded into the perfect Hero. People with powerful, or useful abilities, are ranked high on the hierarchy of power and privilege, and with a powerful ability, the more opportunities and avenues for success are available to them.

For the most part, Bakugou is a super spoiled, privileged little rich kid who is born talented but is enabled for his aggressive behavior and, as a child, cannot move past his many internalized complexes, treats his peers like shit, and gets away with it because the hero society he lives in either has this “boys will be boys” mentality, or it’s an example of the way that power, or Power, is systematically prioritized in this society. The hero system enables and fosters abusers, people who want power and publicity, and people who are genetically predisposed to have advantages over others. There are plenty of good people who believe in and participate in this system, who want to be good, and who do good, but that doesn’t change the way that the hero society is structured, the ethical ambiguity of the Hero Commission, and the way that Heroes are but pawns, idols with machine guns, used to sell merch to the public, to install faith in the government, or the current status quo, and reinforce capitalist propaganda. Even All Might, the epitome of everything a Hero should be, is drained over the years, and exists as a concept or idea, when in reality he is a hollow shell with an entire person inside, struggling to survive. Hero society is functionally dependent on illusion.

In Marxist terms: There is no truth, there is only power.

Although Bakugou does change, and I think that while he regrets his actions, what is long overdue is him verbally expressing his remorse, both to himself and Deku. One might argue that he’s tried to do it in ways that are compatible with his limited emotional range of expression, and Deku seems to understand this language implicitly.

I am of the opinion that the narrative is building up to a verbal acknowledgement, confrontation, and subsequent apology that only speaks what has gone unspoken.

That being said, Bakugou is a great example of the way that figures of authority (parents, teachers, adults) and institutions both in the real world and this fictional universe reward violent behavior while also leaving mental and emotional health — both his own and of the people Bakugou hurts — unchecked, and part of the way he lashes out at others is because he was never taught otherwise.

And by that, I’m referring to the ways that are to me, genuinely disturbing. For example, yelling at his friends is chill. But telling someone to kill themselves, even casually and without intent and then misinterpreting everything they do as a ploy to make you feel weak because you're projecting? And having no teachers stop and intervene, either because they are afraid of you or because they value the weight that your Quirk can benefit society over the safety of children? That, to me, is both real and disturbing.

Not only that, but his parents (at least, Mitsuki), respond to his outbursts with more outbursts, and while this is likely the culture of their home and I hesitate to call it abusive, I do think that it contributed to the way that he approaches things. Bakugou as a character is very complex, but I think that he is primarily an example of the way that the Hero System fails people.

I don’t think we can write off the things he’s done, especially using the line of reasoning that “He didn’t mean it that way”, because in real life, children who hurt others rarely mean it like that either, but that doesn’t change the effect it has on the people who are victimized, but to be absolutely fair, I don’t think that the majority of Bakudeku shippers, at least now, do use that line of reasoning. Most of them seem to have a handle on exactly how fucked up the Hero society is, and exactly why it fucks up the people embedded within that society.

The characters are positioned in this way for a reason, and the discoveries made and the development that these characters undergo are meant to reveal more about the fictional world — and, perhaps, our world — as the narrative progresses.

The world of the Hero society is dependent, to some degree, on biopolitics. I don’t think we have enough evidence to suggest that people with Quirks or Quirkless people place enough identity or placement within society to become equivalent to marginalized groups, exactly, but we can draw parallels to the way that Deku and by extent Quirkless people are viewed as weak, a deviation, or disabled in some way. Deviants, or non-productive bodies, are shunned for their inability to perform ideal labor. While it is suggested to Deku that he could become a police officer or pursue some other occupation to help people, he believes that he can do the most positive good as a Hero. In order to be a Hero, however, in the sense of a career, one needs to have Power.

Deviation from the norm will be punished or policed unless it is exploitable; in order to become integrated into society, a deviant must undergo a process of normalization and become a working, exploitable body. It is only through gaining power from All Might that Deku is allowed to assimilate from the margins and into the upper ranks of society; the manga and the anime give the reader enough perspective, context, and examples to allow us to critique and deconstruct the society that is solely reliant on power.

Through his societal privileges, interpersonal biases, internalized complexes, and his subsequent unlearning of these ideologies, Bakugou provides examples of the way that the system simultaneously fails and indoctrinates those who are targeted, neglected, enabled by, believe in, and participate within the system.

Bakudeku are two sides of the same coin. We are shown visually that the crucial turning point and fracture in their relationship is when Bakugou refuses to take Deku’s outstretched hand; the idea of Deku offering him help messes with his adolescent perspective in that Power creates a hierarchy that must be obeyed, and to be helped is to be weak is to be made a loser.

Largely, their character flaws in terms of understanding the hero society are defined and entangled within the concept of power. Bakugou has power, or privilege, but does not have the moral character to use it as a hero, and believes that Power, or winning, is the only way in which to view life. Izuku has a much better grasp on the way in which heroes wield power (their ideologies can, at first, be differentiated as winning vs. saving), and is a worthy successor because of this understanding, and of circumstance. However, in order to become a Hero, our hero must first gain the Power that he lacks, and learn to wield it.

As the characters change, they bridge the gaps of their character deficiencies, and are brought closer together through character parallelism.

Two sides of the same coin, an outstretched hand.

They are better together.

How to Kill Middle Schoolers, and Why We Should

I think it’s fitting that in the manga, a critical part of Bakugou’s arc explicitly alludes to killing the middle school version of himself in order to progress into a young adult. In the alternative covers Horikoshi released, one of them was a close up of Bakugou in his middle school uniform, being stabbed/impaled, with blood rolling out of his mouth. Clearly this references the scene in which he sacrifices himself to save Deku, on a near-instinctual level.

To me, this only cements Horikoshi’s intent that middle school Bakugou must be debunked, killed, discarded, or destroyed in order for Bakugou the hero to emerge, which is why people who do actually excuse his actions or believe that those actions define him into young adulthood don’t really understand the necessity for change, because they seem to imply that he doesn’t need/cannot reach further growth, and there doesn’t need to be a separation between the Bakugou who is, at heart, volatile and repressed the angry, and the Bakugou who sacrifices himself, a hero who saves people.

Plot twist: there does need to be a difference. Further plot twist: there is a difference.

In sacrificing himself for Deku, Bakugou himself doesn't die, but the injury is fatal in the sense that it could've killed him physically and yet symbolizes the selfish, childish part of him that refused to accept Deku, himself, and the inevitability of change. In killing those selfish remnants, he could actually become the kind of hero that we the reader understand to be the true kind.

That’s why I think that a lot of the people who stress his actions as a child without acknowledging the ways he has changed, grown, and tried to fix what he has broken don’t really get it, because it was always part of his character arc to change and purposely become something different and better. If the effects of his worst and his most childish self stick with you more, and linger despite that, that’s okay. But distilling his character down to the wrong elements doesn’t get you the bare essentials; what it gets you is a skewed and shallow version of a person. If you’re okay with that version, that is also fine.

But you can’t condemn others who aren’t fine with that incomplete version, and to become enraged that others do not see him as you do is childish.

Bakugou’s change and the emphasis on that change is canon.

Parallels in Abuse, EnemiesRivals-to-Lovers, and the Necessity of Redemption ft. ATLA’s Zuko

In real life, the idea that “oh, he must bully you because he likes you” is often used as a way to brush aside or to excuse the action of bullying itself, as if a ‘secret crush’ somehow negates the effects of bullying on the victim or the inability of the bully to properly process and manifest their emotions in certain ways. It doesn’t. It often enables young boys to hurt others, and provides figures of authority to overlook the real source of schoolyard bullying or peer review. The “secret crush”, in real life, is used to undermine abuse, justify toxic masculinity, and is essentially used as a non-solution solution.

A common accusation is that Bakudeku shippers jump on the pairing because they romanticize pairing a bully and a victim together, or believe that the only way for Bakugou to atone for his past would be to date Midoryia in the future. This may be true for some people, in which case, that’s their own preference, but based on my experience and what I’ve witnessed, that’s not the case for most.

The difference being is that as these are characters, we as readers or viewers are meant to analyze them. Not to justify them, or to excuse their actions, but we are given the advantage of the outsider perspective to piece their characters together in context, understand why they are how they are, and witness them change; maybe I just haven’t been exposed to enough of the fandom, but no one (I’ve witnessed) treats the idea that “maybe Bakugou has feelings he can’t process or understand and so they manifest in aggressive and unchecked ways'' as a solution to his inability to communicate or process in a healthy way, rather it is just part of the explanation of his character, something is needs to — and is — working through. The solution to his middle school self is not the revelation of a “teehee, secret crush”, but self-reflection, remorse, and actively working to better oneself, which I do believe is canonically reflected, especially as of recently.

In canon, they are written to be partners, better together than apart, and I genuinely believe that one can like the Bakudeku dynamic not by route of romanticization but by observation.

I do think we are meant to see parallels between him and Endeavor; Endeavor is a high profile abuser who embodies the flaws and hypocrisy of the hero system. Bakugou is a schoolyard bully who emulates and internalizes the flaws of this system as a child, likely due to the structure of the society and the way that children will absorb the propaganda they are exposed to; the idea that Quirks, or power, define the inherent value of the individual, their ability to contribute to society, and subsequently their fundamental human worth. The difference between them is the fact that Endeavor is the literal adult who is fully and knowingly active within a toxic, corrupt system who forces his family to undergo a terrifying amount of trauma and abuse while facing little to no consequences because he knows that his status and the values of their society will protect him from those consequences. In other words, Endeavor is the threat of what Bakugou could have, and would have, become without intervention or genuine change.

Comparisons between characters, as parallels or foils, are tricky in that they imply but cannot confirm sameness. Having parallels with someone does not make them the same, by the way, but can serve to illustrate contrasts, or warnings. Harry Potter, for example, is meant to have obvious parallels with Tom Riddle, with similar abilities, and tragic upbringings. That doesn’t mean Harry grows up to become Lord Voldemort, but rather he helps lead a cross-generational movement to overthrow the facist regime. Harry is offered love, compassion, and friends, and does not embrace the darkness within or around him. As far as moldy old snake men are concerned, they do not deserve a redemption arc because they do not wish for one, and the truest of change only occurs when you actively try to change.

To be frank, either way, Bakugou was probably going to become a good Hero, in the sense that Endeavor is a ‘good’ Hero. Hero capitalized, as in a pro Hero, in the sense that it is a career, an occupation, and a status. Because of his strong Quirk, determination, skill, and work ethic, Bakugou would have made a good Hero. Due to his lack of character, however, he was not on the path to become a hero; defender of the weak, someone who saves people to save people, who is willing to make sacrifices detrimental to themselves, who saves people out of love.

It is necessary for him to undergo both a redemption arc and a symbolic death and rebirth in order for him to follow the path of a hero, having been inspired and prompted by Deku.

I personally don’t really like Endeavor’s little redemption arc, not because I don’t believe that people can change or that they shouldn't at least try to atone for the atrocities they have committed, but because within any narrative, a good redemption arc is important if it matters; what also matters is the context of that arc, and whether or not it was needed. For example, in ATLA, Zuko’s redemption arc is widely regarded as one of the best arcs in television history, something incredible. And it is. That shit fucks. In a good way.

It was confirmed that Azula was also going to get a redemption arc, had Volume 4 gone on as planned, and it was tentatively approached in the comics, which are considered canon. She is an undeniably bad person (who is willing to kill, threaten, exploit, and colonize), but she is also a child, and as viewers, we witness and recognize the factors that contributed to her (debatable) sociopathy, and the way that the system she was raised in failed her. Her family failed her; even Uncle Iroh, the wise mentor who helps guide Zuko to see the light, is willing to give up on her immediately, saying that she’s “crazy” and needs to be “put down”. Yes, it’s comedic, and yes, it’s pragmatic, but Azula is fourteen years old. Her mother is banished, her father is a psychopath, and her older brother, from her perspective, betrayed and abandoned her. She doesn’t have the emotional support that Zuko does; she exploits and controls her friends because it’s all she’s been taught to do; she says herself, her “own mother thought [she] was a monster; she was right, of course, but it still [hurts]”. A parent who does not believe in you, or a parent that uses you and will hurt you, is a genuine indicator of trauma.

The writers understood that both Zuko and Azula deserved redemption arcs. One was arguably further gone than the other, but that doesn’t change the fact that they are both children, products of their environment, who have the time, motive, and reason to change.

In contrast, you know who wouldn’t have deserved a redemption arc? Ozai. That simply would not have been interesting, wouldn’t have served the narrative well, and honestly, is not needed, thematically or otherwise. Am I comparing Ozai to Endeavor? Basically, yes. Fuck those guys. I don’t see a point in Endeavor’s little “I want to be a good dad now” arc, and I think that we don’t need to sympathize with characters in order to understand them or be interested in them. I want Touya/Dabi to expose his abuse, for his career to crumble, and then for him to die.

If they are not challenging the system that we the viewer are meant to question, and there is no thematic relevance to their redemption, is it even needed?

On that note, am I saying that Bakugou is the equivalent to Zuko? No, lmao. Definitely not. They are different characters with different progressions and different pressures. What I am saying is that good redemption arcs shouldn’t be handed out like candy to babies; it is the quality, rather than the quantity, that makes a redemption arc good. In terms of the commentary of the narrative, who needs a redemption arc, who is deserving, and who does it make sense to give one to?

In this case, Bakugou checks those boxes. It was always in the cards for him to change, and he has. In fact, he’s still changing.

Give it to Me Straight. It’s Homophobic.

There does seem to be an urge to obsessively gender either Bakugou or Deku, in making Deku the ultra-feminine, stereotypically hyper-sexualized “woman” of the relationship, with Bakugou becoming similarly sexualized but depicted as the hyper-masculine bodice ripper. On some level, that feels vaguely homophobic if not straight up misogynistic, in that in a gay relationship there’s an urge to compel them to conform under heteronormative stereotypes in order to be interpreted as real or functional. On one hand, I will say that in a lot of cases it feels like more of an expression of a kink, or fetishization and subsequent expression of internalized misogyny, at least, rather than a genuine exploration of the complexity and power imbalances of gender dynamics, expression, and boundaries.

That being said, I don’t think that that problematic aspect of shipping is unique to Bakudeku, or even to the fandom in general. We’ve all read fan work or see fanart of most gay ships in a similiar manner, and I think it’s a broader issue to be addressed than blaming it on a singular ship and calling it a day.

One interpretation of Bakugou’s character is his repression and the way his character functions under toxic masculinity, in a society’s egregious disregard for mental and emotional health (much like in the real world), the horrifying ways in which rage is rationalized or excused due to the concept of masculinity, and the way that characteristics that are associated with femininity — intellect, empathy, anxiety, kindness, hesitation, softness — are seen as stereotypically “weak”, and in men, traditionally emasculating. In terms of the way that the fictional universe is largely about societal priority and power dynamics between individuals and the way that extends to institutions, it’s not a total stretch to guess that gender as a construct is a relevant topic to expand on or at least keep in mind for comparison.

I think that the way in which characters are gendered and the extent to which that is a result of invasive heteronormativity and fetishization is a really important conversation to have, but using it as a case-by-case evolution of a ship used to condemn people isn’t conductive, and at that point, it’s treated as less of a real concern but an issue narrowly weaponised.

Love in Perspective, from the East v. West

Another thing I think could be elaborated on and written about in great detail is the way that the Eastern part of the fandom and the Western part of the fandom have such different perspectives on Bakudeku in particular. I am not going to go in depth with this, and there are many other people who could go into specifics, but just as an overview:

The manga and the anime are created for and targeted at a certain audience; our take on it will differ based on cultural norms, decisions in translation, understanding of the genre, and our own region-specific socialization. This includes the way in which we interpret certain relationships, the way they resonate with us, and what we do and do not find to be acceptable. Of course, this is not a case-by-case basis, and I’m sure there are plenty of people who hold differing beliefs within one area, but speaking generally, there is a reason that Bakudeku is not regarded as nearly as problematic in the East.

Had this been written by a Western creator, marketed primarily to and within the West (for reference, while I am Chinese, but I have lived in the USA for most of my life, so my own perspective is undoubtedly westernized), I would’ve immediately jumped to make comparisons between the Hero System and the American police system, in that a corrupt, or bastardized system is made no less corrupt for the people who do legitimately want to do good and help people, when that system disproportionately values and targets others while relying on propaganda that society must be reliant on that system in order to create safe communities when in reality it perpetuates just as many issues as it appears to solve, not to mention the way it attracts and rewards violent and power-hungry people who are enabled to abuse their power. I think comparisons can still be made, but in terms of analysis, it should be kept in mind that the police system in other parts of the world do not have the same history, place, and context as it does in America, and the police system in Japan, for example, probably wasn’t the basis for the Hero System.

As much as I do believe in the Death of the Author in most cases, the intent of the author does matter when it comes to content like this, if merely on the basis that it provides context that we may be missing as foreign viewers.

As far as the intent of the author goes, Bakugou is on a route of redemption.

He deserves it. It is unavoidable. That, of course, may depend on where you’re reading this.

Stuck in the Sludge, the Past, and Season One

If there’s one thing, to me, that epitomizes middle school Bakugou, it’s him being trapped in a sludge monster, rescued by his Quirkless childhood friend, and unable to believe his eyes. He clings to the ideology he always has, that Quirkless means weak, that there’s no way that Deku could have grown to be strong, or had the capacity to be strong all along. Bakugou is wrong about this, and continuously proven wrong. It is only when he accepts that he is wrong, and that Deku is someone to follow, that he starts his real path to heroics.

If Bakudeku’s relationship does not appeal to someone for whatever reason, there’s nothing wrong with that. They can write all they want about why they don’t ship it, or why it bothers them, or why they think it’s problematic. If it is legitimately triggering to you, then by all means, avoid it, point it out, etc. but do not undermine the reality of abuse simply to point fingers, just because you don’t like a ship. People who intentionally use the anti tag knowing it’ll show up in the main tag, go after people who are literally minding their own business, and accuse people of supporting abuse are the ones looking for a fight, and they’re annoying as hell because they don’t bring anything to the table. No evidence, no analysis, just repeated projection.

To clarify, I’m referring to a specific kind of shipper, not someone who just doesn’t like a ship, but who is so aggressive about it for absolutely no reason. There are plenty of very lovely people in this fandom, who mind their own business, multipship, or just don’t care.

Calling shippers dumb or braindead or toxic (to clarify, this isn’t targeting any one person I’ve seen, but a collective) based on projections and generalizations that come entirely from your own impression of the ship rather than observation is...really biased to me, and comes across as uneducated and trigger happy, rather than constructive or helpful in any way.

I’m not saying someone has to ship anything, or like it, in order to be a ‘good’ participant. But inserting derogatory material into a main tag, and dropping buzzwords with the same tired backing behind it without seeming to understand the implications of those words or acknowledging the development, pacing, and intentional change to the characters within the plot is just...I don’t know, it comes across as redundant, to me at least, and very childish. Aggressive. Toxic. Problematic. Maybe the real toxic shippers were the ones who bitched and moaned along the way. They’re like little kids, stuck in the past, unable to visualize or recognize change, and I think that’s a real shame because it’s preventing them from appreciating the story or its characters as it is, in canon.

But that’s okay, really. To each their own. Interpretations will vary, preferences differ, perspectives are not uniform. There is no one truth. There are five seasons of the show, a feature film, and like, thirty volumes as of this year.

All I’m saying is that if you want to stay stuck in the first season of each character, then that’s what you’re going to get. That’s up to you.

This may be edited or revised.

[yandere-mha]

I don’t know if this is your intention or interpretation at all, but just since some yanderes so clearly imagine their darling as their spouse (like Fatgum or Twice) and you’ve noted that Stain doesn’t (I mean, one could argue that ideally one’s spouse should be one’s soulmate/life partner, but still) I imagine him as one of those *super* anti marriage “it’s only a piece of paper and it’s a useless institution, I refuse to get married” people and that makes me laugh

Thank you so much for noticing this!! I do actually like to make the distinction between a yandere that thinks of their s/o as a spouse or a soulmate because while they’re very similar imo, they’re also different: Just as how some yanderes will see you as an object/possession (Overhaul) while some will see you as a play thing (Miruko). Similar, but not the same.

For yanderes who see their s/os as spouses, I usually see them as people who, more than anything, crave stability in their lives. Fatgum wants a conventional family (not one who he’s intimated into submission, thus being delusional. Being seen as a good person is important to him and this is how he copes with guilt). Twice has never had a family, a stable community, or sense of belonging in his life and this is what he craves. He also has an unstable sense of self which must be very frightening to him.

Yanderes who see their s/os as soulmates tend to be more fatalistic and possessive, believing that they are destined to do such a terrible act as kidnapping their loved ones because it is written in the stars that they are supposed to be theirs. Good examples of this are Dabi and Stain: they see you as being made for them. They may even see themselves as being victims of fate. They see themselves almost like martyrs, but they feel entitled to you all the same.

Every one of them has their own subconscious way of dealing with their own guilt whether that be through being nihilistic, their denial of guilt, their self harm/self hatred, suppression of their emotions, etc.

[wangxiandecoded]

Episode 5

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(Spoilers for the whole show ahead!)

Episode 5 is chock full of moments and fun romantic tropes that make it hard to believe this show passed the censorship. 

Wei Ying has already taken Lan Zhan as his soulmate of many lifetimes and started confiding secrets in him. He gets dragged away to copy all the rules he broke but it’s ok Wei Ying, Lan Zhan has to notice the undeniable chemistry you share at some point.  

The Yiling Patriarch Invented Gay Pining 

The sheer amount of pining in this scene.. How did he not burn a hole through the library?

Guy takes a break from admiring the beauty of his crush, starts admiring his calligraphy instead.

The Many Names Wei Ying Calls Him

Calling your beloved by his every name to get his attention. Success! He responds to the name with intimate connotations. But oh no! He actually looked at you! What do you do now? Head empty. Quick! Ask him why he’s ignoring you and subtly remind him that he has the right to express his anger by using your formal name for completely logical reasons. 

I understand Wei Ying's feelings, it must be maddening to meet the love of your life and want to skip to the domestic stages of romance, when he still considers you an unruly stranger who has no business with him.

Can we take a second to appreciate what a pure soul Wei Ying is for wanting to constantly do better and learn what he did for Lan Zhan to hate him so much? He apologizes not once but repeatedly for breaking the rules and assures Lan Zhan he would never attack him with the intention to harm. (Wei Ying sweetie, you did nothing wrong, he just isn't ready to admit you're melting his heart.) 

All he wants is your attention. Just spare him some him, Lan Zhan! I have no clue how someone can say no to Wei Ying when he’s being this cute. Lan Zhan’s self-restraint must really be something else.

This line and Wei Ying's gay ass smile is so damning. I do not know how some Chinese censor officials did not have conniptions over this.. were they too blinded by heteronormativity, perhaps? Even Lan Zhan has had enough and charms him into silence.

Looking At Him When He’s Not Looking

Looking at your bro when you think he isn't aware you're looking at him, but he's actually painting a portrait of you when you aren't looking at him. I’m done with these idiots.

Wei Ying's heartfelt apology is obvious to us but Lan Zhan's definition of sincerity is abiding by the rules, which Wei Ying gives into for him, with a lot of effort. If that’s not love, what is? 

More pining. Wei Ying makes one last attempt at wooing Lan Zhan for the day by giving him a parting gift. (For what exactly? Monitoring him while he carried out his punishment? Love is so irrational, y’all.)

The last touch he gives to Lan Zhan's portrait is adding a flower to his forehead ribbon. This is how Wei Ying really sees Lan Zhan - not as the intimidating Lan Wangji from Gusu Lan clan, but the guy he finds cute when he's lost in concentration. It pains me to see Wei Ying do so much to win his heart.

Lan Zhan Thinks Everything Wei Ying Does Is “Boring”

Wei Ying asks him to say something other than “boring” for a change and this is his reply. What makes their relationship so captivating is their contrasting personalities. Every time Lan Zhan thinks Wei Ying is being ridiculous and goes, “Boring,” I think he actually finds Wei Ying kind of amazing and that’s annoying because it is nothing but a hindrance to the way of life expected from him. It is boring and ridiculous to Lan Zhan that he is starting to get used to Wei Ying’s presence in his life. It is boring that he’s beginning to notice and personally care for a single person instead of the world. It is boring how someone is breaking the seamless silence Lan Zhan has spent most his life wrapped up in and suddenly making it overflow with words - words he does not vocalize but Wei Ying hears anyway. That’s what finding the right person feels like, after all. So it is boring that Wei Ying, with his stupid grin, is so close to coming into his life, throwing out the worldly matters Lan Zhan is supposed to be devoted to and asking him, “Lan Zhan, isn’t it funny that I’m your worldly matter now?” 

I guess Wei Ying does get his wish in the end. Lan Zhan erupts and calls him "Wei Ying" for the first time ever because he made him open an erotic book, more specifically one that features explicit gay art. The production team is so slick, I felt giddy the first time I saw this. But still, I don’t think Lan Zhan was being fair, I’m sure he broke a rule that said it’s a great offense to reject someone’s gift. 

Lan Zhan strikes me as a closeted baby gay raised on ascetic principles, and Wei Ying’s confident chaotic bi energy is predictably sending his poor world for a toss. No wonder he was ready to duel it out with him. What are the implications of this, Wei Ying? You showed a Lan clan member gay erotic art and assured him there is absolutely nothing wrong in enjoying it. Do you want to kill him? 

And remember Wei Ying got this book from Nie Huaisang who has also been queer-coded. After a point, you lose sight of how many characters seem hella gay on this show.

Nonetheless, it is impressive that there is someone who can make the disciplined, detached Hanguang-Jun lose his calm and even get him to swear. Of course it ends up being something for Wei Ying to brag about later. It is indeed an accomplishment that few people can claim as their own.

Can We Buy An Island For Our President Zewu Jun?

Zewu Jun is not even being subtle here. Why is he smiling? Seriously, why?! The fact that his brother called this guy by his formal name which can be used only by people you're close to? The fact that he followed Wei Ying to the secluded part of the Cloud Recesses? Or because he was unable to find the real person since he's fixated on Wei Ying? Knowing our President, it's probably all of the above.

The show's clever usage of Zewu Jun as the emotional compass who points precisely to what Lan Zhan feels is definitely one of my favorite things. We see that Lan Zhan often says one thing about Wei Ying but means another and Zewu Jun is the stand-in for the audience who knows the truth.

We can see the contrast of a speechless Lan Zhan when Zewu Jun confronts him about wanting Wei Ying's company versus the facade he puts on when actually in Wei Ying's company. That's it for today's analysis, folks.

The Aqua Demon Hunt Is The First Testament To Their Chemistry

Wangxian end up sharing a room. (Do we have the President to thank for that?) Lan Zhan being all "Time for me to go meditate in solitude" and Wei Ying being ".... about how we belong together!"

Rewatching these scenes is definitely bad for my heart. The unconcealed disappointment on Wei Ying's face when Lan Zhan turns down his bet to prove their like-mindedness really sends. (Is this the ancient equivalent of a love calculator, Wei Ying? How did the Yiling Patriarch never invent a device like that, I wonder.)

Lan Zhan, did he really deserve this? He just wants to show you what an incredible, unmatchable team you both will make! And he is so good at reading your mind.

Just smiling at the fact that your bro exists for no apparent reason in middle of a hunt. Wei Ying sure has his priorities straight, even if nothing else in his life is.

Wangxian Are The Dream Team

Wei Ying distracting the water ghost and saving Lan Zhan at the same time so effortlessly? A stroke of admirable genius! I probably need to start a separate post to keep track of all the times Wangxian's teamwork puts everyone else to shame. Notice how every time Lan Zhan said "boring" in this episode, it was directed only at Wei Ying’s romantic gestures. 

It's that little shoulder bump that screams "I'm sorry I splashed water at you, I did out of my love for you, okay?"

I'm sorry Wei Ying, he just needs more time to process the fact that you are the unrivalled candidate for a cultivation partner he has ever come across. And if you ever get confused why Zewu Jun is mysteriously smiling at various points in the show, it's probably a "My brother is falling in love, good for him, good for him" smile.

Wei Ying’s little head tilt after they both defeat the water ghost that came for their boat that says, “See? We belong together.” 

When Lan Zhan learns why Suibian is called so and thinks, "My crush is a fucking idiot, love that for me.“ 

Wei Ying always understands what Lan Zhan is thinking or wants to say without him having said a word. Soulmates.

Thank you water ghosts for ensuring they both end up on the same boat and giving them the chance to display their spectacular synchronization. Maybe it’ll help Lan Zhan wake up.

I rejoice every time there is a juxtaposition of Wangxian with the straight couples because it proves our main characters are travelling the same romantic arc the others are.

Saving Him For The First Time

Lan Zhan rescues Wei Ying in the nick of time! Sure, that’s the Right Thing to do but do you see his expression? That’s unbridled shock that Wei Ying is going to die. And the matter of utmost importance to Wei Ying in this life-or-death situation is the fact that Lan Zhan isn't holding his hand after the "intimate" experiences they’ve shared. I cannot.

Ok Lan Zhan.. You don't touch people.. Let’s see who the exception is. But honestly we get it, just swooping in to save him was a lot to handle, holding his hand would have been a gay apocalypse on your heart.

Wei Ying Is Growing On Lan Zhan

Lan Zhan finally admits Wei Ying could be right, because annoying as he is, his deductions are brilliant. 

We learn Lan Zhan is secretly craving loqauts but throws it back when Wei Ying gives him one. Zewu Jun offers to buy loquats for Lan Zhan, again hinting at his repressed feelings for Wei Ying. 

When we hear a vendor selling Emperor's Smile, do we see Lan Zhan's anti-Wei Ying persona begin to crack or am I seeing things? 

The episode ends with someone (Wei Ying) taking two bottles of Emperor's Smile and paying for it. Whatever happens, Wei Ying is going to sneak his misconduct into the Cloud Recesses and his way into Lan Zhan’s unfaltering heart.

All in all, this was an episode that opened the possibility of Lan Zhan maybe starting to accept that Wei Ying is a nuisance he likes having around. At the very least, he wants to live in a world where Wei Ying is alive and being his unbelievable self. He’s a man of few words and many micro expressions so that’s why it’s so golden on the rare occasions he does slip up and show that he cares about Wei Ying, like saving him in this episode. His actions speak louder than his words, and they ring louder still as show progresses and he becomes the main line of defense between Wei Ying and anyone who so much as thinks about harming him.

Episode 5 drives it home that Wangxian have chemistry that is to be envied and worth investing in. We get the sense that these two are going to be together for a long ass time.

[thefamily]

Chapter Seven: A New Light

T.W. minor torture at the beginning 

Anti’s P.O.V.

        I let out a horse scream as I feel the demons burning arms reach into my neck through the slit reaching for who knows what this time. But I can’t find it in myself to care, all I can think about was Jack. That Jack was here, and he saw me and the demon that our mother tried to sacrifice the two of us to. But I don’t care about that, I just hope that he forgets what he saw, or at the very least believe it was just a dream, he doesn’t deserve to suffer with the knowledge that there’s a demon inside of him.

        I let out another out another scream as I feel the demons arms pierce into my spine twisting it in ways it shouldn’t. I force my thoughts back onto my brother and I can feel myself crying from the pain for the first time in a long time as I get the image of the girl, Liru I think is her name, comforting Jack. Good, she’s a good soul-mate for him, she’ll keep him safe where I can’t, she won’t leave him behind.

        I scream again as the demon forces my head back and used two of it’s arms to hold my left eye open, the arms burning everything it touches. It stares down at me, sick pleasure in it’s beady eyes as I begin to freak out.

        “No,” My voice is hoarse as I seen one arm lowering down towards it, “no no no no no N̶O̶̢͏!͝” I quickly block out my connection with Jack, refusing to let this thing see what brings him comfort and twist it until he can’t even look at her anymore. And for the first time in years, I scream for Jack as it pierces my eye.2

Liru’s P.O.V.

        As I walk into the room I see Jack clutching one of the pillows looking a bit tense as he jerks in his sleep every once in a while. The distress emitting from him was almost nauseating. I quickly set the scythe against the wall and walk quickly over to him, putting the box on the nightstand, and bend down grabbing his arm gently and instantly my mind flashes to a room light only by a candle covered wall to wall in dolls and figurines with a guy only a year younger than Jack, with teal hair and… he has both mine and Jack’s soul-mark hooking at the back of his neck.

        ‘He’s one of Jacks brothers…’ As I realize this I can feel the soul-mark on my right hand, A golden Pocket-watch with it’s chain wrapped around my wrist and two silver hands, moves. I quickly pull my hand away, confused, looking at the mark I can see that the hour hand had moved from the 10 to the 11.

        ‘What. The. Fuck. You know what, I’ll deal with it later.’ I look back down at Jack a bit worried as he is still distressed but it doesn’t seem to be hurting him, and I shouldn’t wake him up when he was as tired as he was.

        ‘But that dream.’ That… didn’t feel like a dream. I take a deep but shaky breathe as I force his distress out of my mind and stand up. As I do a feel Izzy rubbing against my legs and I let out a small laugh as I bend down giving her a quick pet before going over to the full body mirrors and taking off the cloak and tossing it over a chair, I look at the damaged shirt seeing the large hole(s) and I can’t help but pout a little at the ruined fabric before just taking it off and throwing it on top of the cloak.

        I bring my hand up examining it, rubbing my thumb over the hands in confusion before I freeze hearing Jack whisper in his sleep.

        “JJ…?”

        I jerk out of my frozen state at the feeling of shock and confusion coming from the watch and just as quickly as it hit me it disappeared leaving my own confusion and shock behind. I look back towards Jack confused and a little worried but he doesn’t seemed to have gotten worse. After a few seconds I turn back to the mirrors though keeping an eye on him in the mirror.

        I look over the soul-marks over them chest, arms, face and stomach looking at them with interest, silently counting them for the thousandth time. I have fourteen on my arms, stomach, chest and face although I’m more focused on the wings wrapped around the lower part of my back and stomach, uninterrupted by the scars having healed over them. They were a beautiful emerald green covered in a black smoky fog only allowing flecks of the of the emerald feather beneath it to show through.

        As I stare at it a feel the hairs on the back of my neck raise up and as I look up and I can see Τριφύλλι standing in the corner of the room, an angry aura around him. I roll my eyes in annoyance, already knowing how prudish they’re being right now.

        “Honestly Τριφύλλι it’s just a body, If you keep acting this prude I'll start calling you purity.” I smirk at the sour feeling he gives off reaching up and taking the gems out of my hair and with little hums, they appear in one of the jewelry boxes on the vanity.

        I roll my eyes again at they’re childish demand at me to put a shirt on before Jack wakes up.

        “I highly doubt he’ll freak out if he see’s me without a shirt on.” I take my hair out of the braid letting it cascade down to the back of my heel, before looking back at the two pairs of wings wrapped around my stomach from my back. The Emerald feathers covered in the thick black smoke and the white iridescent feathers threatening to be covered by the same type of smoke, both covered in faded runes and sigils.

        “Besides,” I say turning to them, “I need to do something anyways.” I look over to Jack slightly worried before looking who was laying on her paws at the end of the bed staring at me with wide eyes. I walk over to her and she sit up to meet my hand, petting her gently.

        “Keep an eye on him, okay Baby girl?” She just lets out a purr in response giving my wrist a quick lick before going and laying on him. I turn to Τριφύλλι with a slight glare on my face my voice a bit harsher than intended, but oh well.

        “If you or any of the other harm a hair on his hand I'm ripping you guys apart.” I give a sweet smile, ignoring the angry cold radiating from him as I go over to Jack and as I go to kiss his cheek, I freeze seeing the grassy green tuft of hair. I tilt my head studying it before whispering,

        “Add that to list of things I need to figure out.” I quickly give him a peck on the cheek before leaving the room quickly, going towards the apothecary room, listen to the storm begin to waver as I walk there. When I get there I just walk in quickly where I see Mai sitting on top of a jar of paint I made with two paint brushes in her mouth. I giggle a little walking over to her and grabbing the paint brushes from her mouth.

        “Thank you, Mai.”

        “You’re welcome!”

        I just smile in return before picking up the jar and letting her hop onto my shoulder before walking out of the room and walking to the short cut door to an, other wise closed off room of the castle. I was a large almost empty room, made of tree roots that held up the libraries, except for the circle that covered most of the room with a constant pour of water into making it a wall of water, lightning bugs were every were on the outside of the wall of water lighting up the room like little yellow moons.

        And last but not least, a Lavender soul with Lilac eyes, I made them them accidentally recently, they didn’t have any distinct for except for the eyes, they were always curious but to scared to leave the room so I brought a bunch of lightning bugs and plants and flowers to keep them entertained, sometimes they’ll even listen to me sing when I am painting the sigils on my soul-marks.

        I tried to see if they had a name at first but it seems they didn’t so I decided to name them Robbie, I guess in away he’s my child because I created his soul which is interesting to me because they’re the soul that goes to the Lavender and Lilac yin like symbol.

        As I walk into the room the soul, Robbie seems to perk up and zip from the other side of the room over to me, much like I would when I was younger with Τριφύλλι until I realized it didn’t like it.

        “Hey Robbie.” I say my voice quiet as I closed the door and Mai hopped from my shoulder to my hands to the floor, staying away from the water. I give Robbie a pat before walking through the water, the water vaporizing quickly as I walk to the center of the circle, feeling the pulses of life from the roots as I open the jar of paint setting it at my feet putting the brushes in it.

        The paint was made from certain potion mixtures that are meant to act has protection for my soulmates, which is why they are painted on their soul-marks. I want to protecting them from whatever was trying/corrupting them. I stand up as straight as I can, staring through the water to where Robbie was surrounded by the lightning bugs. I take a deep breathe closing my eyes focusing on myself and as I do I can feel my head become heavier as I feel my horns begin to form, my skin begins to itch before patches of scales grow out and I can feel my back burn as my wings come out of my back held in place by the long black bony arms and hands holding them in place.

        I wince a little as I feel my teeth sharpen to be more like a dragons, more jagged and ready to kill, my tail uncurls laying in a circle around me the feathers laying flat against it the spike letting out a small rattle as it lays on the floor. I wince at the sounds the buzzing from the bugs, the breathing from Mai, the now roaring of the water. The brightness from the lightning bugs and the glow from my own horns. The smells from the room thankful that it was only this room I could smell, the flowers, the fresh water, the smell of Birds of Paradise, rain water and fresh grass.

        ‘Robbie.’

        I open my eyes knowing that they went back to looking like the universe, looking directly at Robbie before I begin to sing.

“If I could begin to be

half of what you think of me

I could do about anything

I could even learn how to love.”

        I hear the paint brushes mix in the jar before lifting up and beginning to paint on the wings as I focus on those two alone and I shiver a bit at the cold of the paint.

“When I see the way you act

Wondering when I’m coming back

I could do about anything

I can even learn how to love like you.”

        I’m beginning to get flashes of someone that looks like Jack but around a year or so older, with a halo and two large white iridescent wings and I can feel the awe come over me before fear as I see what look like void demons called Nuboj, Clouds. They eat away at anything beautiful.

“Love like you”

        It takes years for them to get their hosts to kill themselves, and the worse part is that they have to be offered to them by those that they are supposed to be able to trust.

“I always thought that I might be bad

But now I'm sure that it’s true

‘Cause I think you so good

And I'm nothing like you.”

        My mind flash to another one but this time it made my heart freeze and my singing stutter for a second, the brushes painting like nothing happened. This one had a black eye with a neon green iris and one of Blue Lapis with a slit throat to top it all off.

“Look at you go

I just adore you

I wish that I knew

What makes you think that I'm so special.”

        I recognize that demon, αφέντης των μαριονετών, the Master of Puppets, they can only control people who have been merged mind, body and soul but it seems it was only the body- JACK.

“If I could begin to do

Something does right by you

I would do about everything

I would even learn how to love.”

        I feel my heart begin to pound as I force myself to focus on the sigils, ignoring the anger threatening to take hold and cause me to lash out, they’re almost done and to concentrate I force myself to focus on Jack, the happy times hopping he’ll be able to see even a little bit.

“When I see the way you look

Shaken by how long it took

I could do about anything

I could even learn how to love like you.”

        I take a deep breathe focusing on what makes me happy right now who I love ‘Jack.’ I feel my heart speed up a little at the memory of his smile, his real smile.

“Love like you.”

        I feel my body relaxing, a plan on what to do already forming in my head.

“Love me like you.”

        The paint brushes went back into the jar and I can feel the runes dry and I let out a shaky breathe as I force my horns away feeling my head become lighter, then I fold my wings back into my back. I wince as I feel my teeth go back to how they normally are, sharper than a humans but not enough to notice unless looking closely, I then curl up my tail hiding it and finally force my scales back to skin.

        I take a few deep shaky breathes before picking up the jar and brushes and walking out of the circle the water evaporating rather quickly and Robbie, once again, zips over to me. I smile at them and pat them gently,

        “Do you want to come with me or stay?”

        They move back a little indicating they wanted to stay and I just smile saying, “Alright then, I’ll see you later sweetie.” I walk out of the room and back into the apothecary setting the jar on the counter, Mai hopping up next to it just as the door closes.

        “I’ll see you in a bit Mai, go find Serenity and don’t start a fight with Pumpkin.” I giver her a scratch under her chin before going back to my room humming small tune along the way. When I walk into the room I seeing Jack tossing and turning and I frown before walking over to the mirrors, summoning sapphire blue satin blouse with slightly puffy sleeves towards the wrists. I quickly slide it on and button up and as I finish buttoning the third button from the blouse up, Jack lets out a scream that shakes the room, probably even the castle, and an explosion of green lightning bursting from his body.

        “ŖUN̷ JA̡CK P͢L̸EASE!͞”

        The fear and pleading from whatever voice forced it’s way into my head nearly knocks me off my feet when I was running over to Jack. I grab onto Jacks arm and nearly winces at the lightning branching from him, shaking him trying to wake him up not sure how and I nearly pass out at the same voice nearly identical to his forces it’s way into my head again and I can hear the αφέντης των μαριονετών, roaring in the background.

        “P҉LEASE̸-”

        I shake Jack harder, begging him to wake up at this point, terrified at the thought of the demon hurting him, and after a few seconds the lightning disappears, and Jack wakes up, baby blue eyes wide and terrified as he looks into mine. I can hear his heart racing widely as he searches my eyes and after a few seconds, his own begin to tear up as he launches himself into my arms wrapping my in a tight and desperate hug as he begins to cry.

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Thank you @antis-gauge  on tumblr for helping give me motivation to write and translating

Song is Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar

“master of puppets” is αφέντης των μαριονετών

Club is Τριφύλλι

Bird of Paradise symbolizes joyfulness. It also symbolizes magnificence. It can also be used to indicate exciting and wonderful anticipation.

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Don’t forget to reblog

Tag List:

@immabethehero

@antis-gauge

@therealtiger77

@nerdylampeclipseuniversity

@a-mad-tea-time

@i-maybe-exist

@flowers-zombie-rob

@myspeedymilkshake

@animallover4000

@nightanjel

[spartanbunjase]

Yesterday was Evil Author Day but I wasn’t in any state to participate. So, have some of my WIP today!! They are all Jason Todd centric and I can tell you now that only one of these is guaranteed to be completed as it’s a christmas gift for my little sister (Belfire on A03). 

Cantains: domestic violence, soulmates, bad parenting, different pairings, angst, fluff, good parenting, drug addiciton and recovery, LGBT+ couples, straight couples, trans characters, torture, good siblings, happy, character death (only mentioned).

1: As Catherine lay on the floor in a small pool of her own blood she could only feel utterly helpless watching Willis’ belt land on her son again and again. She wanted to get to him, to curl protectively around Jason and keep him safe, but she was too injured and knew she could end up dead if she intervened. Being dead would just put Jason at Willis’ mercy more often. The man wasn’t the same as the one she’d fallen in love with during her time at Gotham Academy. He’d been funny, carefree, adventurous, and handsome. Now, consumed by alcohol and drugs, he was a monster. He ran with criminals and regularly used Catherine to pay off his debts. Their current argument had resulted from her coming home and finding Willis about to use Jason’s body as payment. It was something he’d never done before, she knew from the utter terror radiating off her son as she’d stepped into the room. It was something she refused to let Willis ever put her son through. To Catherine, he’d thrown away any claim to their sweet six year old boy the second he laid a hand on him when the boy was four. Eventually Willis grew tired and stormed out the flat, probably to apologise to the dealer and convince them to return once Catherine was out of the flat. She wasn’t going to give him that chance. She was done letting him hurt her or her son. Jason was her world, he was the reason she’d cleaned up her drug habit and gotten a job as a bus boy at their local diner. Dragging herself up so she was standing, Catherine carefully made her way over to her son. He was bleeding from the welts and wounds across his back while she could already see a black eye forming. Catherine bent down slowly and gave Jason’s shoulder a gentle shake. He gave a pained whimper but didn’t move until he could clearly see it was Catherine and not Willis. “Come on baby, we’re getting out of here.” Catherine’s heart broke further as she saw the resigned look on her son. She’d promised him they’d leave so often but they’d gone back, he was clearly unwilling to believe her any more now than all the times before. She helped him onto his feet and led him to the door. It was only once they were out on the street that he spoke, “where we going Mama?” Catherine hadn’t thought that far ahead but as she watched Sparky their dog helping support some of Jason’s weight it hit her like a bolt of lightning. “We’re going to your grandparents. They’ve never actually gotten to meet you and they can keep us safe.” She saw Jason’s hand hold tighter to Sparky’s fur as he kept his gaze on the pavement. “Don’t worry baby, they’ll take Sparky in too.” The odd trio eventually arrived at Doc Thompkins clinic. Catherine knew she couldn’t walk Jason all the way across the city to the affluent neighbourhoods and Leslie had been trying to convince her to leave Willis for years. She had no doubt that the woman would help her and her family escape him. Catherine pushed open the door and ushered her son and their dog through to the waiting room. A nurse looked like she was about to refuse the dog until she caught sight of Jason and Catherine. The kind woman immediately moved the trio to a clinic room and went to get Leslie. “Jason, Catherine, what can I do for you today?” The Todd family had known Leslie since his birth. Her free clinic had helped them through when they’d been unable to treat Jason during a multitude of childhood injuries and illnesses. More recent years had led to the clinic treating the results of Willis’ temper and Leslie trying to help the woman and young boy escape. Catherine let her eyes travel over the room, constantly vigilant and fearful of Willis finding them. Finally sure they were safe she let her gaze lock onto Leslie’s. She’d never met the woman’s eye before, always too afraid of what she’d see reflected back at her. “We need help. My parents live in Bristol and I’m hoping they’ll take us in. They never liked Willis so hopefully they’ll let me back home now they see I’m done with him for good. At the very least, I hope they take Jay.” She was met with a calm patience that was pure Leslie once the woman got what she wanted from a situation; and in this case she had. “Auntie L, Mama said I’m going to meet my abuelos but I’m scared.” He had moved slightly closer to Leslie as Catherine had spoken and gave her sleeve a gentle tug. “They won’t be like Willis will they?” His voice was so quiet that Leslie knew Catherine would have missed the question due to the distance between her and her son. She felt a sudden urge to wrap the small, undernourished boy up in her arms and never let harm come to him again.

**** 

2: There isn’t much Jason can remember from his time as Robin. He can remember being friends with a handful of the younger heroes; most of them have since kept their distance. Returning from thirteen months of torture (and being declared dead) with different morals than your mentor and arguing with them in the Halls of Justice will strain some friendships…even if it has been over a decade since he was found in the abandoned wing of Arkham by the kid who’d replaced him. A few however had stuck around, stayed by his side, and aided his journey through the turbulent recovery of PTSD. Billy Batson had been overjoyed to have his friend back, to have back the one person who understood the Gotham foster care system and how fucking backwards it all is. He’d been one of the first people to visit the manor on hearing of Jason’s rescue; cheating his way past Bruce and Alfred with his magic just to see his friend. He’d remained; understanding the argument for what it was, a damaged boy begging his father to save him from his nightmares. During those early months Jason hadn’t remembered him, but Billy never held it against him. He used it as a chance to rebuild, to start fresh. They’d both changed in those months and he understood what violence could do to even the best of people; and to Billy, Jason had always been one of the best. His brother, Dick, fell into that selection of memories for Jason where he knew they’d had good times together but only the feelings remained. Only the lingering scent of happiness, childish wonder, and excitement remained. The memories themselves had been burned, beaten, starved, and just generally tortured away. The man was seen as the perfect older brother by the other members of the caped community (and even by Gotham’s press). For Jason, in the past decade, he’d been anything but. He’d only ever tried to push the family’s moral standpoint onto a person who quickly (and easily) reverted into that same terrified, scarred boy they found under the asylum just from mentions of his captor. Dick focused on keeping the other new siblings safe and happy. If that meant ignoring the second oldest of the Wayne children; well then, all the better as far as he was concerned. The oldest of the Wayne children understood, and had even studied, PTSD. That meant shit all when it came to applying it in practice. When it came to applying all he’d learnt for his roles as Robin and Nightwing he fell short of the legacy he created. Within a year of Jason’s release from Joker, Dick had certainly lived up to his name. The relationship between the two was frostier than any suit Victor Fries required. For the teenager the family got back, got into the safety of his old room, it was as it had been when he’d first been given Robin. As he didn’t have the visual memories to go with the positive feelings he’d attached to his older brother during those first couple of week it became increasingly easy for Dick to trigger a panic attack, or as was more common between the two, an all-out violent attack. Jason’s dreams, even during his time under the old asylum, occasionally give him flashes of green light, of shapes seemingly made out of thin air glowing in neon green. He’s been told that Kyle Rayner used to be a friend. Two young heroes finding themselves in roles with previous occupants helping them to forge a friendship. He’d kept his distance when he’d heard his friend was back. He’d pushed him further away once he saw the lack of recognition in those bright blue eyes. In the end he went so far as to cut contact with the teen completely once he saw the drastic changes during the nearly explosive argument with Batman. For where one had risen up to become an Honour Guard within the Corps, the other had fallen to a murdering anti-hero. One person however, had never slipped his memories. One person had always managed to keep an steel grip on his limbic system. While the Joker had tried desperately, along with help from the other Arkham inmates, to wipe every ounce of hope from Jason he failed to realise one thing. He failed to realise just how far, just how deeply, hope ran for the second Robin. The one person who the clown never managed to taint or use against him, was the one person that only a few of the hero community knew he knew. When the lights in his cell would go out, Jason would dream of flowing blonde hair. When Harley would try to convince him that she and the clown were all he had left, Jason would let his heart fill with a snorting laugh never letting the sound past his lips. When each of Batman’s main enemies took turns on the six month anniversary, Jason drew from the strength sun-warmed hands that used to clasp his with while running through the fareground. When Joker finally showed Jason the photos to prove he’d been replaced, the teen filled his mind with blues and reds of the one person who’d never replace him. Who, as it turns out, was the only person who didn’t replace him. With everything the Joker did, with everything the Joker had left him to deal with upon his release, it was Kara Zor-El who gave everything and reminded him that his faith in her was justified. For months the Wayne family had struggled. They’d struggled to fit their second child back into the family. There was the unconscious violence that accompanied trying to wake him from his night terrors. Often resulting in wounds ranging from a simple punch to a stab. The deep-seated fear and hatred of most of Gotham’s Rogues made them tiptoe around him when talking about the family business. They refused to ask, to understand, just why he resented the middle son of the Wayne house but could tolerate Duke, Cassandra, and Damian. In the end, the only solution to be found actually found them. Kara had heard Jason’s night terror start one evening not long after returning from a space mission with the Titans and hearing the news of the second Robin being found. Relief had flooded through her to her very soul. For ten months she’d searched, scanned all of Gotham multiple times with her x-ray vision and listening for any sign of him. Unfortunately there was just too much lead in the city. Too much interference for her to find him before being summoned for a three month off-world mission. She’d never forgotten the sound of his heartbeat though; of the changes it would make when he was happy, nervous, or just itching for a good fight. That first night back on Earth; when she heard the sudden changes, the increase in pace, she tuned into the almost silent whimpers he was letting out. Kara flew the fastest she ever had, abandoning the mission de-brief she’d been ordered to, and tore through the Manor like a Bat out of Hell (or an Alien invading). The alarms had been blaring. Batman and the kids were pulled away from patrol, all racing home with worry clogging their chests for the elderly butler and damaged boy left alone. Each of them had expected great hordes of people intent on harming the two members of the Wayne family who were seen as the weakest. Instead they returned home to a grandfather silencing them all and making them watch the scene he had been taking in peacefully prior to their outlandish entrance. Kara had made it up to Jason’s room just as he’d started to scream and thrash about. His limbs were still in casts, much of his body still in bandages or dressings of some form as he’d only been free a handful of days. The shock of black hair and familiar heartbeat moved her faster still. Within the blink of an eye one scared but joyous teen had pulled the other distressed teen into her arms. Almost as soon as her overly warm hands came into contact with his sweat-damp skin, Jason’s eyes flew open. He cut off a scream as blazing ocean blue eyes met overjoyed sky blue. Sun golden blonde hair framing the face like a halo. The hope. The strength. The only love that he’d managed to hold onto for thirteen months was finally back in his reach and so he allowed his body to sink into the warm embrace. It was the first night that the family discovered just how close the two sixteen year olds really were. Dick had long suspected that they were friends. Bruce had always avoided commenting, refusing to admit that both of his children were close with Kryptonians (even if one was a clone). As they stood watching they saw how quickly Kara calmed their wayward bird. Her fingers never stopped carding through his hair as her other hand was clasped as tightly as he could manage due to the bulky cast and pain. She was rocking him slightly, quietly singing a Kryptonian nursery rhyme.

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3: Everyone was born with a mark, a mark that matched in design and placement with the person you were meant to have a deep relationship with. Be that platonic or romantic. Everyone that is except Jason. His mother had always told him it just made him special, that he would form deep relationships with anyone special enough to be in his life. Instead he spent his life forging relationships only to have them ripped away. There was his mother losing her battle with cancer. His best friend getting caught up in one of Mad Hatter’s schemes and never making it out. Then there was the father he’d found one cold night in Crime Alley. Jason thought he’d finally found what his mother meant all those years ago. He now had a grandfather, who he spent countless hours cooking and debating literature with. He had a father who taught him how to fight beyond that of street fighting but also helped him laugh again. Best of all he now had a brother who would take him skiing and help him prank their adopted father. Alas it wasn’t to last. Each of those relationships was destroyed by the one who wished his soul mark matched Jason’s father. The Joker took Jason away from Bruce, from the family he’d found. A crowbar here. An explosion there. It all came crumbling down in the Magdala Valley. One quick resurrection, a few years training, and one failed attempt at revenge later found Jason finally managing to rebuild those bonds lost to him at fifteen. It was what led to him chasing a behemoth of a man through Gotham trying to save Deula Dent. She was the daughter of the Joker from another Earth and, although she was related to a version of the man who’d killed him, he wasn’t about to let her die. Unfortunately, he wasn’t successful but it did lead to a very interesting set of circumstances for the twenty-two year old. With Donna Troy, a woman he’d once considered a sister, and Kyle Rayner at his side he found himself travelling through the multi-verse. They’d been to countless versions of their own planet. They’d met evil versions of themselves and their mentors. They’d gotten caught in Victorian Gotham. They’d even ended up on multiple Earths where they were the opposite gender to how they presented. It had been a tiring journey. Jason had found himself having a small crush on the Green Lantern accompanying them. Flirty banter was met with fierce resistance. Kyle, for reasons Jason still didn’t understand, seemed convinced that he wanted Donna instead. Now Jason wasn’t picky. He was attracted to a person regardless of their gender, or even if they were human. To Kyle it just meant that Jason was even better placed to scoop Donna out from under him. As the trio, along with their Monitor Bob, landed on Earth-11 it became apparent that they’d ended up on another Earth where the genders were reversed. A fight was clearly happening and so they set off to help in the hopes that Ray Palmer may have been somewhere nearby. Jason’s combat boots pounded through the streets. His breath was coming harsher than usual as an unexpected pain was shooting up his left arm. It had started as soon as they’d breached the atmosphere. The only way he could describe it was as if someone was stabbing him between the radius and ulna over and over again. His arm was held protectively to his chest as nothing he’d done had relieved the pain. He’d twisted his wrist and shoulder around. Simple stretches had turned more and more complex. Nothing was working. A green construct lit up the sky, quickly being followed by the Lantern creating it. Jason’s gaze lingered on the woman in question and the pain subsided slightly. Kicking his body into action his legs pulled him towards the battle faster. “If you’re going to act like children then you’ll be treated as such.” The female Green Lantern said while scooping up some of the Amazon warriors. Jason will deny it to his dying day but that was the moment he felt his heart skip a beat and love start to bloom in his heart.

**** 

4: When the news of the massacre at Sanctuary broke throughout the hero community Jason felt horrifically guilty because he felt such relief. A few weeks before it all happened Roy had been speaking with Waylon about entering rehab. He’d been intending to go to Sanctuary as it was set up by the Trinity for all those in the community that needed help. However, the archer didn’t want to be in the middle of nowhere or too far away from Jason. The ginger archer had raced into Gotham two months prior to save the stupidly impulsive ass of a crime lord. As soon as he and Jason were back together they had a massive talk about how their relationship parted last time. It soon became clear that Jason’s own insecurities had wiggled their way so far into his brain that he pushed Roy away. Once they’d finished their talk they quickly fell into their old routine. The relationship was moving as if they’d never been apart for over a year. They were able to support each other but Jason was able to see that Roy needed more help than he could provide. As the case with Suzie Sue was drawing to a close they started to talk about Roy’s options. Sanctuary had been top of the list, until Roy realised just where it was located and more importantly how little was located around it. In the end, with the help of Oliver, they were able to get Roy into AtoT Centre in San Diego. When Oliver heard that Roy was struggling again he managed to step up and help. He knew that the level of help Roy would need was clearly above what he could provide if Jason was struggling to help him. With this in mind Oliver offered to foot the bill for any length of stay Roy needed, along with helping Jason rent a flat nearby. The AToT Centre were able to fit Roy into one of their San Diego drug rehab homes that house six patients. He agreed to a ninety day stay so long as Oliver refused to tell him the price. Jason agreed with Roy’s instance as he knew that if Roy found out that it was $65,000 for the initial thirty days and then $2,000 for every thirty after that he would have refused to go to such a highly rated place. They allowed Roy to keep his phone so he could be in contact with both Jason and Oliver, which settled all three men. Roy had been at the centre for fifteen days when the news of Sanctuary broke. He had received a text from Wally telling him that he was okay and had made it out. Unsure of what the text had meant he’d immediately phoned his ex-mentor and (trying again) father figure. The blonde archer had gently told his son how the patients at Sanctuary had been attacked and that the current suspects were Booster Gold and Harley Quinn. He also reassured Roy that Wally had managed to get away fast enough, running straight to his Aunt Iris in Central City. 

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5: There were a few things people could expect to find on the streets of Gotham. Bristol had people who spewed money and corruption all in the same breath. If you wanted to get your rocks off, or buy some, you’d head to the East End. Joker goons could be found roaming around Amusement Mile while a couple of the buildings around the Solomon Wayne courthouse were decorated in two halves both on the inside and the outside. One of the things that you wouldn’t expect to come across is a literal goldmine. Jason learnt all of this while he still had a home near Crime Alley. It’s something that has been drilled into him even more during his six years on the streets. So, it comes as a massive surprise to the fifteen-year-old when he finds The Batmobile parked in the alley. He had three tyres off when two shadows fell over him. Glancing up a jolt of freezing cold fear shot through the underweight teen. He’d slipped into a fighting stance naturally, his tyre iron held tightly in a white knuckled grip. When you grow up in the Narrows you have no choice but to always choose fight over flight. He’s shocked out of his fear by a deep throaty laugh. “The fuck?” Slips out before Jason can clamp his mouth shut. Of all the reactions to someone booting your tyres he’d never heard of someone laughing. “You’re a spunky one aren’t you.” Robin, now Jason’s had a chance to take in the recognisable costume, said with the same level of amusement in his tone as Batman’s laugh. He glanced over at his mentor and Jason took in the silent conversation they had. The Bat crouched in front of the small, dirty street kid. “You want hot food and a warm bed? If so, we know someone who owes us one.” Throwing up an eyebrow, Jason takes a step back. His stomach is desperately empty. His mind is fuzzy. His adrenaline from the theft is waning and he knows he can’t hold the tyre iron up much longer. “Ya wouldn’ wanna help some’n’ like me. I ain’t normal.” His thick accent makes them pause. If you weren’t raised in the area, then there is always a slight difficulty in translation. It’s made a bit more difficult for people to understand Jason as his Narrows accent is also intermingled with a Latinx twist from his Mámá. It was something he’d heard his whole life. Don’t mind Jason, he’s not all there. Don’t worry about the kid, he ain’t normal. Fucker, all I do for you and you can’t act like all the other boys. Jason knew, after hanging around with the same group of lads since he could walk, that most young boys dreamed of being Robin. They talked animatedly about how cool it must be to wear the red, yellow, and green while kicking the shit out of people. They all lusted after Batman and Robin’s sometimes partner Batgirl. None of the other teenage boys Jason grew up with wanted to be Batgirl. None of them dreamed about how empowering it must feel to pull on those four-inch, purple boots and not have them holding you back from doing the same things as Batman and Robin. “Well we’re not normal either.” Robin chuckles. “No normal people dress up like we do and fight crime.” Jason had to admit that the sidekick has a point. In the end his overwhelming need for sustenance crowds out any other nervousness he could be feeling, so he reluctantly agreed. Jason helped them put the wheels back on as best he could with his hands shaking. He could blame the cold. He could blame the hunger. He could blame the two heroes of Gotham helping him more than he was helping them. In actuality, the reason his hands were shaking was the knot of Narrows fuelled anxiety over the chance of them finding out just how abnormal he was. It takes Jason a week to figure out that Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are Batman and Robin. He spends a few days coming up with a plan to get them both to admit it. Both men are underestimating how sneaky and clever the street kid can be so don’t see everything coming together until it’s at its conclusion. They both try to play it off. Try to pretend that Jason hasn’t guessed it all correctly. Try to pretend that Jason hadn’t caught them in the lie. In the end they tell him everything because Alfred cuffs them both upside the head. The trust both men show Jason in opening up about their pain. The very events that triggered their need for the mission, cements something in him. It solidifies the tentative strands of trust that was between them. The fact Dick was so willing to come to him when he woke up a few nights later with nightmares of falling so he had someone to sit and watch crappy 80’s movies with. The fact Bruce tells him exactly why the Batmobile was parked in Crime Alley that night, the significance of the date. It all goes towards helping Jason realise that maybe these three people are the very people he needs to talk to, to trust in. Even with all that swirling around his mind. Even with all the little ways they’re showing him they want to be his family. The fear engrained in him from years of his father and the other men around the Narrows keeps his mouth shut. He fights through each day, just as he always has; only now the fight is different. Whereas before his fight was for the basics needed to survive. The hunger. The cold. The general desperate need to make it to the next day. Now his fight is different. He has food. Warmth. Safety. He has people who check in on how he’s doing, how he’s feeling or settling in. He has people who care. Now the fight is to keep how he feels about his own body, mind, and soul from spilling over and corrupting one of the first good things this city ever gave him. The dark of night, when Jason knows for sure both Dick and Bruce are out and Alfred is in the cave, is the only time he lets his mind wander into the Fort Knox style vault he keeps his dreams of being more like Batgirl and less like Robin. It’s the only time he lets out the complicated rubber band ball of thoughts and anxieties to try and sift through them all. It’s the only time he willingly thinks about the two people who had started trying to help him untangle all he was feeling.

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6: 

.It had been ten years since Jason returned to Gotham, ten years since Ra’s had dunked his lifeless body into the Lazarus pit to bring Jason screaming and clawing back into existence. In that time things had changed greatly, but not Gotham, Gotham remained the seething hub for all criminality in the country. Jason had long ago given up on ever thinking that Gotham could change, it just seemed to attract the worst of humanity or ever worse, spawn it. Still Jason vowed to continue fighting just on the off chance that Gotham might one day see the light.Jason flicked the butt of his cigarette into the fading light, a singular point of dulling light against the encroaching black of Gotham’s night. The almost permanent blare of police sirens echoed through the streets and up into the skies, only serving to remind Jason just how far they hadn’t come since he pulled on his first pair of green pixie boots. He clambered to his feet, resting his arm on the head of his favourite gargoyle and looked out over the city, wondering where the night would take him. Suddenly his com sparked into life. “Batgirl are you receiving?” Batman was a staple of Gotham now, one of its defining characteristics, even if his mission had failed on every aspect.Still Jason found it difficult to hear Batman speak, knowing that Bruce no longer held the mantle. Batman had fallen to Damian a few years back once Damian had aged into the role, filling the shoes of his father had left empty when he died. There had been a time before Bruce’s death that he and Jason stood apart from each other, separated by their moral compasses, but ultimately in Bruce’s final moments he had made up for all the bad blood between the two of them. Captured once again by the Joker, Jason had found himself in a similar situation to his first death, only this time the Batman arrived early.Bruce had beaten the joker to the ground whilst the bomb counted down, seconds remained when Bruce attached the grapnel line from the Batwing to Jason’s harness point and sent the Batwing soaring off into the sky. Fire and death consumed Bruce and the Joker, the more powerful nature of the bomb vaporising any trace of the hero and villain. When Jason came to in the Batcave he remembered Bruce attaching the cable to his waist and the words he spoke to him. “I’m sorry Jason but I won’t let him take you again. I know we’ve had our troubles, mostly because of my stubbornness, but know this now. I love you.” The family had accepted him back with open arms but Jason struggled to come to terms with his father’s death for quite some time.“I’m receiving Batspawn, I’ll be operational in twenty, see you at RV foxtrot.” Stephanie Brown may not be the first or the strongest Batgirl, but in Jason’s opinion she was the best. They had both come from similar backgrounds and had bonded over their shared life experience, add in to the mix that Jason aged differently that other humans thanks to his dip in the pit and they were roughly the same physical age now so they had unofficially made themselves siblings. Steph’s voice sounded different to Jason, he wasn’t hearing it over his com unit. He craned his neck round and sure enough there she was, stood silently behind him.“Why’d you always have to sneak up on me like that?” Jason mumbled grumpily. “Holy shit someone’s in a bad mood!” Jason had caught her off guard, their relationship a lot more playful that this current interaction. “Ahh fuck, it’s the eighteenth ain’t it?” Steph asked to which Jason simply nodded his head. Bruce’s anniversary always sucked for Jason but for some reason this year, their seventh without Bruce, was hitting Jason harder than before. Steph sidled up behind Jason and wrapped her arms around his chest, he rested his spare arm on top of hers, enjoying the warmth coming from her. “You wanna talk about it?” Steph asked gently as she released her arms and climbed around the other side of the gargoyle.Jason pulled out another cigarette and lit it in rapid succession. “Naa. Don’t even know what to say really.” As Jason exhaled a stream of smoke shot into the night air, the sky now more black than it was red. “Well why don’t you come with us on patrol tonight, we think we’ve got a lead on Pyg.” Jason simply pointed to a rooftop that was several stories lower than their current position, on top of it was the partially strung up body of a failed dollatron and next to it in a pool of his own blood and brain matter was Pyg. “Jason, did you?” Steph looked over at Jason and saw him waving around a sniper rifle that she hadn’t noticed before. “Okay then, well that throws my night wide open. Wanna go get something to eat, ya know, after getting changed?”Jason took a long drag on his cigarette, considering Steph’s idea. “Yeah alright, let’s just wait until Gordon’s boys turn up to collect the bodies.” Jason said flatly. “Cool, I’ll let Bats know we’re offline tonight.” Steph activated her com. “Batgirl to Batman, you receiving?” There was a moments silence before the channel sparked to life again. “Receiving.” Damian replied tersely. “No need to go ahead with the sting tonight, I’ve got eyes on Pyg and I don’t think he’d going to be hurting anyone else ever again.” Steph tried not to giggle but she knew how much Damian hated vague reports.“Goddamn it Batgirl, was this Red Hood again? He’s there with you now isn’t he? Hood what have you done; you know that isn’t how we do things. How many times did father have to tell you!” Jason pulled his helmet fully off and hit the power switch. “Fuck he sounds worse than Bruce did sometimes.” Jason quipped before taking a long drag on his cigarette then flicking it once more into the night. “Hey at least you don’t have to work directly with him, I’m stuck with the little brat!” Steph laughed but Jason knew she was serious. After Bruce’s death Damian had become even more zealot in his quest to become his father and claim his blood right, the cowl.“I’ve told you before, you’d be more than welcome on the Outlaws. Personally, I think Artemis would like it more than I would, she’s crushing on you hard dude.” Steph smiled and laughed, it was good to hear a more upbeat and jovial tone to her brother’s voice. “As tempting as working with my brother and finally getting myself a girlfriend is, I belong in Gotham. Besides, someone’s got to keep Damian in check since Alfred quit; although I don’t blame him.” Steph sighed then snapped into another chain of thought. “Oh Alfred sent me a message the other day, asked me to ask you about Dick?” Jason looked curiously at Steph, throw off by the bizarre question.“Why doesn’t he ask Dick himself, his number hasn’t changed?” Jason asked but Steph gave him that look that only younger sisters can give their older siblings. “You know you’re the only one from the family that he speaks to anymore. He even stopped sending birthday cards to Alfred last year. We’re all worried about him, this self-isolating behaviour can’t be good for him.” Steph now looked worried and Jason supposed he could understand why. Bruce’s death had hit Dick hard too and he’d left America all-together not long after the funeral. He now lived in Europe with Wally and their six adopted kids. He was happy but done with the lifestyle, shutting out all aspects and now, apparently, all the family bar Jason.“He’s okay, spoke to him today for an hour or so. He’s feeling pretty shit like me, but Wally’s got Iris looking after the kids and they’ve gone for a holiday out of the country together.” Steph smiled at hearing Dick was okay but was then distracted by movement on the other rooftop. Gordon, and handful of unis and the CSIs had arrived to cordon off and catalogue the scene. “Come on then.” Steph said to Jason, trying to be as upbeat as possible. “Let’s go eat!”

[machi-kun]

What do you think of people saying that MCU!Stony is a toxic romantically relationship? They say that it is not healthy for either, especially Tony. Because Tony always just be an echo of Howard, rooting Steve in the long-dead past and forcing Tony to live up to Steve’s ideal of the man who abused him and Steve clearly proved he would always put Bucky first. They said that unconsciously, Steve would always compare Tony with Howard, and Tony would resent him for ruining his childhood. (1/2)

And that kind of strain, especially once you add in the complications brought about by Civil War, is just not what you build a romantic relationship on. What do you think? (2/2)

Ah, thegood old “it’s toxic and bad and abusive!” argument. A classic, truly.

Well, I won’tbe a hypocrite and say I don’t see where these people are coming from, becauseI do. Steve and Tony do fight a lot, and those fights usually end up inviolence; But let’s also not forget that this is a universe based on a comicbook about superheroes, where the limits of violence are not those we are usedto in real life, and that should definitely be taken into account. If we don’t,I don’t think there’s any relationship in the MCU that survives. Not only that,I have yet to meet an anti-SteveTony that doesn’t hate Steve or Tony or both,for CW or for any other reason, and I tend to not pay attention to argumentsthat come from that motivation because we all know how that usually goes.

But what doI think about it? Would I call it toxic? No. It can be extremely difficult, butI would definitely not call it toxic.

Let’s startwith Steve. I see absolutely no relation to Howard that would be harmful forthem in the MCU, on Steve’s part at least; Howard is never the thing thatcauses Steve to be stuck in his past. Ever. That’s always Bucky, that’s alwaysPeggy. Multiple times over the course of several movies. Steve mentions Howard once– Bucky is the center of Steve’s obsession for two movies, one of themany reasons why Stucky never felt right for me, and don’t even get me startedon how awful it is that the MCU keeps pushing StevePeggy as if it’s somethingcute after 70 years of separation and Peggy Carter moved on and lived happilywith a man she loved and had children with. Howard is inconsequential comparedto that. But I agree, Steve’s insistence on being stuck in his past is a badthing. But is that Tony’s fault? No, that’s Steve’s personal issues. Steve definitelyneeds to work on that, and the MCU never allows him to.

Tony haspersonal issues too. If anyone has any hold ups about Howard in this situation,it’s definitely Tony – though, I doubt that persisted throughout the entireMCU. It’s Tony’s own idealization of Steve, it’s Tony’s own sense of lowself-worth, that causes the problem on Tony’s part. CW it’s truly thebreaking point for him. Tony definitely got the short end of the stick withthis, because MCU writers have clear favoritism for Captain America. But doyou think it’s a coincidence that Steve sends him the phone and never calls it himself,or that the fics that were created after this movie are so heavily based onTony’s feelings over the matter? It’s because there’s a shift of balance atthis moment that I think the MCU actually handled quite well. Tony holds thecards. Steve gives them to him. What Steve has done to him pushed beyond whatTony was willing to accept, they separated, and Steve let him know (despite myfeelings on how his letter was worded) that if Tony wanted to talk, wanted himback, Steve would wait. And he does! Chris Evans even says that he suffers forit.

The problemwith MCU SteveTony is that they have a lot of unresolved issues as individuals.Is it the ideal scenario for a relationship? No. But sometimes, when youmeet the person you really want to be with, it’s not always at the best time.

To betruthful, I agree. I don’t think a relationship would be easy, or even good,with how they left things after CW. That’s why I have a problem with someauthors’ interpretations in post-CW fics, with how easy it is for themto just accept they could forgive each other so easily. I don’t think theyshould. What happened between them was a serious thing, and it should betreated as such. Their relationship is intense and powerful, but too volatile,and they’ll never be fully at ease in a romantic relationship if they don’topen up with each other and work through these problems together. But you knowwhat? As much as I hate to say this, SteveTony is not canon in the MCU. Obviously,they never get together for many reasons such as the homophobic response itcould generate and the frankly cowardly attitude of Disney and Marvel Studios,to not have any in-canon LGBTQ+ representation; but also, from a characteranalysis perspective., they never get together because they are never quite onthe same page. When they are, it’s not the right moment. And when it is, theirchance is gone. But they can’t help it. They keep coming back, they keepdesperately trying to be near each other even when they said they wouldn’t orthey disagree because they are far more similar than they are different. MCUlikes to sell this idea that they are polar opposites, but that is not true. Theyhave much more in common than they would like to believe.

Peoplesometimes forget that some love stories are tragic. Tragedy is meant tohurt.

There’s a lot of idealization that comes into this “this is toxic!” callout culture, aloss of sense that in real life things are messy, sometimes are not fully pureand healthy, or evil and abusive. People who love you can hurt you. Thatdoesn’t mean they cannot learn. And I don’t mean this in a “they are going tofix each other uwu” kind of way. They never do that, they never sit down andtry to play therapist to one another, thinking they can fix each other and they’llbe perfect. I mean in a “they fight, but after they do, they learn something.Might not learn all of it at once, but they learn, as slow as it is”. Stevetakes forever to understand that his black and white view of morality isharmful, and the idealization of Steve only stops for Tony after a painfuldeception, but in the end, they never rest easy until they make peace again.Until they make things right. That is the point.

I guesswhat drives people to MCU SteveTony is the desperation of it. Itcertainly is for me. They both have so many problems to solve, alone andtogether, and even if sometimes they hurt each other, if it’s small, or if it’salmost too painful, they keep seeking a way to find their way back. Theytry to be better. They fail, sometimes, but that happens. If people are tryingto find a pure, soft, healthy ship in a superhero universe, where violence, hurt,and trauma is a prerogative, they might be hanging around the wrong fandom. Thebest thing about MCU SteveTony to me is the fact that they fight desperately,and they need each other desperately. If that is too much for some people,well, I guess they need to find something else to ship that fulfills theirrequirements of what a good relationship is.

Where I’mstanding from, Steve and Tony are a tragic love story. They could have beengreat, maybe even perfect, but their universe wasn’t kind to them – and so,they weren’t kind to each other. They know that. When they realize it, they tryto back away, multiple times, to allow each other to live their own lives, butthey always end up coming back together. This is the stuff soulmates are madeof. And I would rather they fight and make a stand for their personal beliefsthan to have one of the parties be passive about issues that are unavoidable ina universe such as the MCU, in order to make it less confrontational andtherefore more “healthy”.

Interestingclaims, to call something healthy in the MCU. Bold, even. ShippingSteveTony is not only a matter of seeing how intense they are with each otherin canon, but seeing the possibility of what else they could be, if theiruniverse wasn’t so hell-bent in keeping them apart. Seeing as they keep comingback together, I think it shows what wonderful possibilities we could have had.But sure, I can see why it can be too much for people. Everyone has differentlimits. But I think calling it toxic is a terrible overestimation of theirintentions, a conscious decision of ignoring their attempts of finding a middleground or attempts to make reparations, no matter how successful or unsuccessfulthey have been, and a futile search for something else that’s pure and totallyhealthy that honestly does not exist in the MCU.

[sometimesrosy]

It's so good to read you Rosy :) I really can't wait for S6. I DO have hope for Bellarke :). What bugs me a ''teeny-tiny bit'' is the ''attitude'' of the cast sometimes (not all the time of course, very rare occurences). Like, in some interviews/cons, you can actually see that JRoth and the cast are a little bit annoyed when fans ask about Bellarke. That's what I don't get. They're the heart of the show, I don't see any harm in asking about them !

First of all, I think that’s changed. To some degree. They aren’t allowed to talk about bellarke at all now because anything they say about bellarke is a spoiler. And they don’t want to spoil their story. 

BUT they stopped talking about Bellarke in season 3 (2?) because the story JR wanted to tell *first* was CL. 

Thing is, people picked up on the slow burn, long range romance of Bellarke right from the beginning when they started putting seeds of it into play. The story is ABOUT Clarke and her relationship with Bellamy, and the audience KNEW that. 

However, if he was going to spend 3-4 seasons building the characters independently and exploring different relationships that they might get into, he had to give those OTHER relationships and their NON-romantic relationship more weight. OH, well. If he was also trying to tell a story that was ACTIVELY telling us that true love starts with something deeper than romance, and needs trust, friendship, devotion, respect etc, and all we wanted was for Bellarke to boink, that would get annoying too. 

But then, he supported the CL shippers and fed them and petted them and enjoyed his CL story that he thought was amazing and that Turned Out Very Badly.

It also fed the shipwars. I’m not sure he realized how bad it could get. Or that his refusal to talk about Bellarke (which he was not telling right then) and his reinforcement of CL (which he was) turned into the CLs feeling entitled to attack us and call us delusional. Nor could he predict that the Bellarke fans would BELIEVE the CLs when they told us that the show we were watching was not the show, and they told us the real show was what they wanted. The CL fans then gaslit us into believing that evidence from the text was “Delusional” and the only way to understand the show was listen when JR told them that CL was true love and endgame. He never said endgame. But they read it that way, just like now we read JR saying Bellarke are the central relationship, soulmates and a non-romantic partnership aligned and heading in the same direction which he likes as “romantic bellarke is confirmed dead.”

I mean. Why don’t they talk about bellarke anymore? Because talking about bellarke causes a renewal of shipwars and they probably don’t want anymore shipwars when we have already Bellarke vs B/E and people are already attacking others. 

And also, it doesn’t matter what they say, it is taken as an attack usually on Bellarke. They can’t say anything positive about bellarke because it is taken as baiting or lies. They can’t say ignore bellarke because then they are told they disrespecting fans. They can’t talk about the other actors or ships because that is ANTI bellarke for some reason. Oh and when JR calls bellarke soulmates, instead of seeing that as something good, all of a sudden the fandom is saying that JR called them platonic and he doesn’t like romantic bellarke and he’s never going to go there. Even though HE JUST SAID he’s not telling you where Bellarke is going. “I’m not telling you,” has somehow morphed into “Bellarke is dead.” And this is only exacerbated by unethical shippers spreading unconfirmed rumors as ACTUAL evidence when they should KNOW what canon evidence is and what it isn’t.

If they say ONE word about Bellarke, all of a sudden the fandom goes into meltdown.

So tell me why they won’t talk about it?

Because the fandom cannot handle it. 

It’s too much of a risk. People get attacked and harassed. The fandom renews the fanwars. Everyone is angry and accusatory. I’m exhausted. Aren’t you exhausted? 

People keep blaming the cast and crew for not behaving correctly for fandom, not sharing enough or saying the right thing. But the problem is there IS no right thing to say. ANYTHING they say feeds an antagonistic and angry fandom. It’s not worth it, imo. 

Better to just keep it all on lockdown. Sorry. I don’t have a lot faith that the fandom can take even the most positive commentary well. 

[dent-de-leon]

HI, sorry but just like...as a bi guy it kinda pisses me off, because people often don’t understand how much Lauren and Joaquim care about lgbt representation, and in particular, how much they care about not queerbaiting. People continually trying to convince everyone into believing k/l will happen because “ooo!! They don’t want to spoil the mystery!!” don’t understand how any of this works. They have no respect for the showrunners and their narrative. They have no respect for Lauren and Joaquim’s intentions to not queerbait. It’s been confirmed on every occasion that k/l isn’t going to happen, and they’ve specifically mentioned in a review that their forwardness about the issue was greatly in part because they don’t wait to bait anyone into anything:

Interviewer: “I feel like there was a little tease? It seems shippers want to ship Lance and Keith together, so are there gonna be any hints of that at all? Or is it just more like–okay, they’re friends, they’re starting to become friends.”

Lauren: “I think we had a very natural arc in mind for those two. Which is, they start out at odds, but then they grow to kind of respect each other. And if that leads into people being like–they’re spending time together! Then that’s a ‘thing,’ but…We’re not trying to cater to or bait anyone into anything, we’re just trying to do what’s right for the story.”

Joaquim: “We also try not to be overtly affected by what popular opinion might be.”

Lauren: “And we’re working in animation. Our schedule is so far in advance for that–even if people shipped Keith and Lance, we couldn’t go back and just change the story–to be like and now they’re in love!”

Joaquim: “There’s just no way. We’re already years past that storyline, you know?” (source)

Fans cry queerbaiting because k/l keeps getting shot down, but it’s quite the opposite. Playing along and pretending k/l will be representation is queerbaiting. Going along with “teasing” it for fans is queerbaiting. This isn’t about fucking spoilers at this point, it’s a morality issue that Lauren and Joaquim clearly care about, and fans would know this if they actually listened to how the showrunners feel about representation:

On the subject of there being no homophobia in the Voltron universe, Joaquim said, “In the future the paladins live in, these aren’t even issues that come up, and people are just accepting of who they are.”

Also interesting is Lauren’s comment that, “Representation is about “moving the conversation forward” and offering “more accurate representation of the people that are out there and our world.” (source here)

And absolutely don’t forget:

Will we be seeing any lgbt representation?

Lauren: “It’s super important to us.”

Joaquim: “Just know that from our prospective, we’re fighting to create as open and broad a spectrum of characters as we can.”

Lauren: “We can’t give you any definite answers, but just know that–”

Joaquim: “We’re fighting for as broad and open representation as we can.”

And hey, this isn’t rocket science. It’s clear from their answers and body language Lauren and Joaquim hate being asked about k/l, it’s clear those ship questions make them incredibly uncomfortable. And I really wish people would stop putting on them on the spot. It’s inconsiderate of fans, and unprofessional of interviewers. 

It’s clear where they stand on the issue. It’s obvious they didn’t expect k/l to happen--and it’s obvious they know how awful so many antis that happen to be k/l fans are, because Lauren outright expects to get harassed for fucking admitting she has no clue what people even see in k/l. Sorry, but if you care about a ship, if you intended for it to be canon, you don’t talk about it like this. Especially when you’re being transparent as possible about not queerbaiting and genuinely care about representation:

Nevermind that Lauren and Joaquim have outright admitted k/l have no romantic chemistry and everything I’ve seen from canon indicates Lance is straight. Never mind they’ve been asked about Lance’s “Mr. or Mrs. Blue Lion” and had every option to give an open ended answer, but very deliberately used female pronouns:

Interviewer: What would Lance look for in a future Mr. or Mrs. Blue Lion? I’m gonna guess she meant Red Lion now. I think she’s trying to fill out her space Tindr profile. But yea, what is Lance’s–And I like this, because Lance is kind of all over the place. He hits on anything that moves and is pretty, which all the aliens are pretty. But what would he look for, really, in a partner or a soulmate?

Lauren: I don’t know if Lance knows what he needs. I know what he might look for, but what he might look for is not necessarily what he needs. I think he needs someone who is self-assured and knows herself, so that he can kind of become that same person and know himself. (source)

Never mind that Jeremy’s repeatedly brought up in subtle ways how Lance is only attracted to girls:

Will we ever see romance? Kl/ance?

Lauren: “We want to let romance evolve naturally if it does happen. Falling in love in the midst of all that is a pretty big deal…we’re willing to see if romance happens in the show, but we’re not setting out that it’s gotta be there.”

Jeremy: “Everyone has cool arcs besides their relationships.”

Josh: “It’s cool to explore…Lance.”

Jeremy: “A lot of good looking ladies in space, that’s all I’m saying.”

Never mind that, as a bi guy, I hate the thought of canon bi Lance or canon k/l because I think such representation would perpetuate harmful stereotypes. There’s no “gotcha!” moment here, no surprise. The staff are being very forward and honest because they know how important representation is--and because they don’t want k/l fans continually getting their hopes up. If fans don’t listen, that’s on them. They should stop asking the same question over and over simply because they don’t like the answer.

[thereyloverse]

The Villainous Crush

Basic Trope: A villain has (unrequited) feelings for a hero.

Downplayed: Prince Evulz is attracted to Alice, but is perfectly capable of ignoring his own feelings for her to concentrate on defeating her like all of his other opponents

Averted: Prince Evulz considers Alice a Worthy Opponent at best, and otherwise treats her the same as his other enemies.

Lampshaded: ‘Why does Evulz always try to capture Alice alive rather than battle her?’ ‘He wants to make her his queen, simple as that.’ ‘You’ve never had a problem with bloodshed. Why do you always pass up the opportunity to kill me?’ ‘Because… I like you.’

(via tvtropes)

-

Recently, I’ve delved a little bit further into the “Villainous Crush” that Kylo seems to have on Rey. Looking at the list of variations of this trope, I think I’ve narrowed it down into what can apply to the Egg-Lord himself inside of the Reylo dynamic. It seems to me that the Villainous Crush Kylo seems to have on Rey is a sort of awkward mix of the Downplayed, Averted, and Lampshaded versions of the trope.

In the context of the Downplayed version, I think it is partly applicable to Kylo. Is he perfectly capable of ignoring his feelings to concentrate on the main mission? No, not at all. But, boy, does he try. We watch Kylo deny his compassion for her in front of Snoke and, Spoiler, he doesn’t believe him. We watch Kylo offer to train her instead of killing her; which would have been the smartest decision. He tries oh so hard to have a Downplayed crush on Rey, without success. His judgement is easily clouded by Rey’s presence, and whenever his decisions involve her, he seems take the least logical options available.

Ex. He calls of the search for bb8, instead takes only Rey, and bridal carries her back to his ship; leaving himself defenseless when he could have easily had storm troopers take her away. Kylo is determined to get the information from Rey himself, when he could have easily extracted it from bb8. Kylo is later scolded for these decisions.

It is safe to say that Reylo tries to be a Downplayed version of the trope, but fails miserably. Moving on to the Averted version, this is also only partly applicable. It is most likely true that Kylo secretly see’s Rey as a worthy opponent, and possibly a stronger one. At the end of TFA, we watch Rey kick Kylo Ren right in the arse and leave him to die; the look he gives Rey is all we need to understand that Kylo probably feels threatened and insecure. Kylo has been taught by Snoke that the light side force users are weak, sentimental, and unable to realize the full potential of the force. Rey destroys all of these preconceived ideas and “safety nets” Kylo has created; she has gears turning inside his head.

However, Kylo does not treat Rey the same as his other adversaries. He refers to Rey as his guest, gives her an honest (yet cocky) answer when she inquires about Finn and the others, and opposite to his usual interactions with enemies, makes himself vulnerable by removing his mask and communicating face to face with Rey as he interrogates her. He avoids unnecessary brutality, unlike his interrogation of Poe, makes it clear hurting her is not his goal, and offers to avoid force all together if she doesn’t put up a fight. That very odd “You know I can take whatever I want” line comes across as very awkward and rapey, but Kylo is trying to tell her that she can avoid the struggle by just giving him the map, because at the end of the day he needs the map to find Luke. All the while simultaneously proving he needs to work on his social skill a bit…

Though Rey may feel intimidated by his attempt to humanize himself, Kylo basically hands Rey the theoretical “high ground”. She has the upper hand when Kylo feels vulnerable, and this is why she is able to wipe the floor with him in the interrogation.

So again, in this case, the Villainous crush Kylo has is only partly Averted, if at all. However, Reylo falls most in line with the Lampshaded take on the trope. Kylo tries to act the part of a perfect villain with nothing too big to stand in his way, very much like his idol Darth Vader, but Rey’s presence always seems to get the better of him, like how Luke got to Anakin by the end of the primary trilogy. Instead of just taking the information on Tokanda while Rey was unconscious and getting the hell out of there, he captures her instead.

 Kylo seems to want to keep Rey alive, and makes illogical decisions concerning their confrontations. Kylo is given multiple opportunities to kill her. Kylo could have easily pushed her off of the cliff and killed her before she becomes too powerful later on, but what does he do instead? Offer to be her teacher. Don’t take this as “He spared her life so obviously they’re soulmates omg !!!” That isn’t what i’m saying here. If some part of him wasn’t remotely attracted to, interested in or curious abut Rey, he would have been able to push her off of that cliff. 

Even so, this could also be due to the light inside him trying to push through. It could have been that the little voice inside was telling him not to go through with it. (Though this sort of conscious policing is less likely due to the fact he was able to debilitate Finn without a second thought.) 

Regardless, Rey walks away from this battle pretty much unscathed, and instead it is Kylo who is left to bleed out in the snow. He is hesitant when faced with the decision to kill her off, and this is what leads to his loss in the fight. He once again leaves himself vulnerable by dealing with this hesitancy. It is as though he is avoiding this choice all together, whether consciously or unconsciously. These examples of the confrontations between Rey and Kylo fall almost completely in line with the Lampshaded take on the Villainous Crush. 

“This trope isn’t always negative, though. This trope can conversely be a very humanising trait for an Anti-Villain. The heroic character may become a Morality Pet, and can be fairly certain that their villainous admirer will never harm them or allow harm to come to them, barring certain exceptions. They may even step in to protect them from other villains who have fewer compunctions. Taken all the way, it may become Love Redeems.”

(via tvtropes)

" When a bad guy turns good. This usually makes for a good plot, for three reasons:

It lets them reintroduce the villain as a "darker, edgier" hero.

It reinforces a desired notion of the inherent goodness within people.

It prevents the Worthy Opponent from falling victim to What a Senseless Waste of Human Life.  "

(via tvtropes)

Now on to these little tidbits above. This is almost like my little love letter to leave to anyone who says that Kylo having feelings for Rey wouldn’t be reasonable or beneficial to the plot. Even if Reylo does not become canon, Kylo harbouring feelings for Rey and the power that she possesses via the light of the force is enough to bring Kylo back from the dark on its own. Rey has turned Kylo, and his ideas of what a light sided force user can and cannot be, upside down and backwards. The agenda that Snoke has made him believe doesn't line up with what he has seen in Rey. 

The hero has struck him down and viciously defeated him in battle, yet she didn't kill him; even as she was tempted by the dark side. She embodies the self-control, inner peace, and patience that Kylo Ren does not. He is most likely envious of Rey for her excellent control of the force, and her strength is what draws him closer to the light. Rey doesn't need to go on a personal quest to redeem Kylo, because in the end she has already left an impact on him by defeating him. She has Kylo twiddling his thumbs and questioning his place. 

It is a possibility he has already unknowingly started on his path to redemption.

Now a days, when we feel as if we can no longer trust in the goodness of people, it would be a nice message to send to viewers. Good people have equal potential to do bad as bad people have to do good; and today it is imperative that we preserve whatever good we can in those with the capability to turn their lives around.

“ Every Saint has a past, every sinner has a future. “

-Oscar Wilde

[jujuismental]

this ones for suicide.

ive always wrestled with the idea of killing myself but i hate blood and gory things so ive never cut myself deeply, just atop my skin iv made some scratches to my wrists, again only because i hate blood. instead, i have debated jumping infront of things so many times, and drowning my head under water only to lift my head out gasping for air. sometimes that brief moment just before “killing yourself” takes your pain away.

Back in the day, a couple years ago, it took alot of courage for me to stop actively thinking about suicide. i had a wallpaper on my phone to remind me, and i cried alot during senior year of high school in washrooms and at home. Yes i had friends, no one really knew. it was mostly about my sexuality and not fitting in the universe. i felt like an alien with no hope. no courage to fix to my problems. i thought at the time they had no solution. that was wrong, but i was so weak and living in fear that I thought suicide was the only way out. It’s more like a surrender, a giving up.

Two things that saved my life in the past

1. This quote. trust me its not cliche

Suicide is a permanent decision (*not solution) to a temporary situation. I always tell myself to keep waiting, that someday I will be glad I did. And it’s true. Time and time again I prove this quote to be true. When I am happy once again I tell myself “ See? Its worth it. I am glad I didnt kill myself that day.” And the next time I felt that way I knew better days were coming. I just needed to refer to the good days during the bad days and the bad days during the good days.

2. My dad passing away

When my dad died, i felt undescribable pain firsthand of what it was like to lose someone, and I saw my mom crumble, crying for years. It was on that day I promised myself to never do something like that to her again. It’s shattering. I hang on for her sometimes. I realize what death can do to others. I saw how affected people around me were.

3. Meeting my soulmate and falling in love

Meeting her helped me know that there was someone who was exactly like me. I had thought this was impossible. That I was a fucking alien. She loved me for myself and gave me courage to change my life for the better. She really saved me. She made me feel stable for the first time in forever. I was never suicidal anymore, I saw the light of day. I started imagining a future for myself and her, something I never thought would ever come true. She carried me through.

While I am not actively thinking of suicide everyday anymore, nowadays it only comes seriously to me a few times a year. i am very happy on some days. this is what baffles me. i am either so happy i can breathe in the sunny air or i am in so much pain and dissociated from my life. suddenly i dont want to live anymore and its not all worth it, i have no future to look forward to and i have no hope. navigating these highs and lows is pretty hard for me... it’s like you think youre getting better and then it comes back, and it hits you hard and harder but you somehow make it out again alive and it repeats, the more it repeats, ironically the easier it becomes because you know it will go away on its own. you just need to hang on for the ride.

When i get into one of these lows. it can last weeks, and oh dear is it terrible. i have to listen to podcasts, anti suicide talks, read self help books, cry and cry and finally I see the light again. and I am really glad once I do. Because life can be beautiful sometimes.

You. Ya you reading this.

If youre going to kill yourself, if youre going that far, why not do something crazier instead. You’ve got nothing to lose. Make a crazy decision in your life and change something that is causing you pain. The truth is sometimes we can do a little more than we think, but we live in fear. Before you kill yourself, why not live a little? Do something extreme. *I made some of my craziest decisions when I was angry and depressed because at that point nothing else mattered and I had no fear. When you hit rock bottom use that to your advantage to make some crazy life changing decisions that you couldn’t make on a normal day because you were afraid.

And if you can’t do anything at all, wait for something. Sleep on it. Wait. “Isnt it amazing how the most beautiful days of our lives haven’t happened yet.” If I killed myself in high school I would have never experienced 5 million incredible things I thought I would never even accomplish. Falling inlove. Traveling to Italy!!! If I tell my younger self hiding in a dark room crying that I will be able to live these things she wouldn’t believe me, but it’s true, I did. I found the way out. And sometimes all you can do is wait, and have hope. Hope is incredible, if you can find it. Never lose it. I hope this post gives you a tiny bit of hope.

Everytime you have a good day, reference this day during your bad days. You know this dark period will end eventually and you will bounce back. Ride the wave. It’s literally a wave. Ride it as best as you can.

Remember that what you are feeling is normal, no need to identify yourself with some permanent disorder. Youre human, built from your circumstances and experiences, and sometimes those things can make you sad, and thats okay. You’re not gross and mentally ill, you’re simply human. Don’t pity yourself (in my opinion). You are literally a product of your environment and experiences, not a mental illness.

Recently, when I found myself going down that rabbithole of diagnosing myself and discovering that I had these 2 or 3 mental illnesses I felt even worse. I felt like “it” had a hold on me. Like I was being ruled by a mental illness. And I started acting more and more like that illness. And blaming that illness for my actions. I was like a puppet to that mental illness. So I turned around and instead, I told myself that I’m just a human and some bad things have happened to me and thats why I am the way I am, and there’s no further explanation. Terrible experiences create mental illnesses. Mental illnesses don’t create terrible experiences. Don’t let anything define you. It’s not permanent, it’s just a reaction. I am not saying mental illnesses don’t exist, I just found that thinking of it in a different way or framing it like this helps more than belonging to a mental illness.

If you are really in pain and you feel like self harm right now, my go to is a really hot bath and dipping my head underwater until I cant breathe. It creates the illusion that you are going to kill yourself and the feeling of hot water on your skin kinda numbs your emotions. No blood. (Can you tell yet that I hate blood) Then I take a nap because my eyes are like rocks from crying. Right now in this very moment, it’s important to think about what I said before. You don’t know what you don’t know. “Life must be lived forwards but can only be understood backwards.” You need to hang on, my friend. You will be glad that you did. A future you is cheering you on. You can fight it off, you’ve done it before. I look back on those days and I am very glad I kept going.

Remember we don’t want to actually kill ourselves, we just want to end the pain. Suicide doesn’t end the pain. It ends your life. Black abyss. Emptiness. Nothing. Everything that you are. Everything that you still can be.

And after you’re dead, in those next moments, someone will scream discovering the body you left behind, and your depression will be spread to someone else like your mom, dad, or a friend. Imagine you had to watch that. You’re a good person, you don’t want to hurt others, even if others hurt you.

I know deep down, you want to live, but you want things to be better in your life. You don’t want to live another day like this. You want it all to be different. And it’s not easy. I know trust me. I dont have the solutions to some of my problems (YET), the same problems that make me feel suicidal today. And I might not be able to fix them for a long time, but I know that I have fixed some of my other problems in the past, things I never thought I could get past. For example (so you don’t think i’m bluffing), coming out to my muslim family. I was living in fear my whole life, i never thought i would do that in a million years but i did.. I always had this idea that i’d kill myself and leave a i’m gay note behind. Almost did. But I am glad I didn’t, look at me now, I’ve come so far. Who knew. I didn’t. And neither do you. Why don’t we live another day and find out? You and i, together.

“ I didnt come this far to only come this far.”

I am not speaking to you as a therapist or doctor, I am someone just like you. Believe me.

[terselylove]

35 Mistakes You Will Regret Making Today, Tomorrow, And The Next Day

1. Take your days off, take your sick leave, and most of all save up money and take your vacations. Companies want you to think you are invaluable to them but in the end they will let you go and forget you as soon as you are gone.

2. Keep a close eye on your relationship with substances. Many of you will have serious problems with them and won’t realize until you’re in very deep.

3. Always watch how your love interest treats other people. The day will inevitably come when that person will treat you the same way.

4. Don’t waste time being “anti.” I spent a lot of time in high school looking down on people’s choices of music, movies, hobbies, friends, etc. I said things like, “They only like it because it’s popular. This thing I’M into is clearly better.”

I was a bit of a dick and later I realized it’s ok to let people enjoy things that I don’t. I wasted a lot of opportunities to learn new things and make new friends because of that attitude and I regret it a lot.

5. Avoid staying in a job where you’re totally bored or hate facing it every day.

Some people stick with it endlessly because “it takes too much effort to find something new” (or because they believe an alternative will probably be no better in the long run than where they are).

6. Take risks young, before you have kids, because then you are taking a risk on your family too. Plus risks are super fun and empowering when all the consequence is on you! After kids then the exhilaration becomes guilt. Not as enjoyable.

7. Triple redundancy… back up ALL your photos, videos etc, I lost about a year of photos which included a couple of big life events, mostly I backed up but got sloppy.

Cloud storage is very cheap but don’t rely on just that, put it on a hard drive as well and a few other places.

Also for those who are a little older check all those old DVD/CDs you burnt as they’re degrading and data is being lost.

8. Don’t date someone because you are lonely. Date someone because you see a future with them.

9. Not forgiving my best friend for something really minor. I stopped talking to her, even though she apologized a million times. Now, I don’t even know where she is anymore. She was a really good friend, and I was an asshole.

10. Don’t eat out of boredom or to make yourself feel better when you’re down. A slice or two of pizza on occasion is OK; a whole pizza, not so much. Also, go easy on the sugary drinks and alcohol.

11. Not breaking up with a guy immediately after he hits you for the first time. I’m sorry doesn’t press the reset button.

12. Do not lie to your S/O. They’re supposed to be your best friend. If you lie, trust will break down, the relationship will start to suck, and then you will end it due to their seemingly unwarranted paranoia, or they will end it because they cannot trust you.

13. Don’t self harm, or do drugs. If you have a crush and it’s obvious they don’t like you back, get over it. If you think you or a friend may have depression or any other mental disorders, please get help. If you’re thinking about suicide, DO. NOT. DO. IT.

14. Marriage and children are not for everyone. It’s bliss for some people. It’s absolute carnage for others.

One glove does not fit everyone. If you are happy and content being with yourself. Accept it, enjoy it. Don’t let the world let you take on a responsibility that has no expiration date.

15. When you get cheated on, don’t try to fix it and give a person another chance, just leave. It will hurt and it may seem that what i am saying is pointless but you will thank me soon and also after you get cheated on. Work on yourself first before looking for another one because if you rush it you are more likely to fail.

16. Not putting effort and the focus that was required for school. Yes, I’ve ended up doing extremely well for myself within a few years after high school. But I sure as hell wish I actually paid attention. I thought it was cool and fun to just hangout with a bunch of losers who would smoke weed all day and accomplish nothing. Late into senior year is when I made the change, although late on the school part. I began finding new people that were purely dedicated. It rubbed off on me, and now I can say that I’m glad I had a moment of true realization.

17. Love is a two way street. Not realizing that lead to many, many relationships that should have ended but didn’t because of the fear of being alone. On a related note, the fear of being alone is both real and powerful.

18. Don’t marry the wrong person. And don’t marry the wrong person’s family. That’s right, when you marry someone, you also marry their family. When I married, we lived hundreds of miles from her family, so I didn’t know them well. Things changed, and we were living within 5 miles of her family. Disaster struck.

19. Don’t show loyalty where it isn’t deserved, that applies to people, brands, companies you work for.

20. Don’t put too much thought into what people think about you. Just be a good person and have good intentions and realize that you can’t please everyone.

21. Don’t associate with those that don’t have your best interests at heart when it matters.

That usually becomes quite evident when you do something that they don’t like, they start to pick holes with everything to try and manipulate you back, or they just generally aren’t there when you need help.

22. Learn to communicate effectively. Seriously. You’ll lose good people from your life if you can’t do it right, so learn.

23. Credit cards are not free money. You may need one to build credit but be careful how much you use it, and pay it off every month. It’s so easy to charge “just this one little thing” over and over until the card is maxed out.

24. Take care of what you have before it becomes what you had.

25. Working in a family-owned business (as an outsider) can go really fucking south. You will get the silent treatment, in the worst-case scenario I’ve experienced. There will be loads of clique behavior and just the general vibe of “if we weren’t shorthanded, we’d have kept it in the family”. In general, there will always be underlying tension and loads of unprofessional behavior. I’m personally never doing it again, if I can help it.

26. Brushing your teeth might seem minor but if you don’t holy shit its finna come hit like a truck. And also makes finding a soulmate a whole lot easier.

27. If your grandparents/older relatives are alive and well, spend some time with them, call them to say hi, just check in with them. When they are gone you’re going to be the one left with regret, not them.

28. If the group of people you’re hanging around at school (or elsewhere) always make fun of you in a “joking” way, stop hanging out with them. If everybody gets their share, then it’s alright but if you’re the butt of every joke then it’s not really friendship. You’re just a lightning conductor for all their insecurities. Have some self-respect.

29. If you are pregnant and think something is wrong, please, please, PLEASE find a doctor who will listen. My last pregnancy, I was in excruciating pain, losing weight and wasn’t hungry. My OBs brushed off my concerns, just saying every pregnancy is different. I was in the ER twice with upper abdominal pain. Neither time did they check my son. I had undiagnosed HELLP Syndrome. Because the doctors wouldn’t listen, my son died. You know your body. Don’t let doctors ignore you.

30. Read your insurance policies. Know what’s in there and if you have enough or too much coverage.

31. If things come easy to you and you can pass all your classes in high school on tests alone, don’t. Do the homework, even if it’s just tedious busywork. Keep all your handouts organized and neat. Do projects and papers step by step. Once you hit college (especially in upper level stem classes) you’ll regret not having made those habits earlier. High school isn’t about learning material as much as it is teaching you HOW to learn material.

32. For the love of everything that is good, don’t ever take up smoking. Doesn’t matter how good that nicotine rush feels, sooner or later you’ll end up regretting it, and quitting is… well, a bitch.

33. Don’t ever think you still have some “fun time” left and avoid your responsibilities. It’s a slippery slope.

Like, it starts by thinking “oh, I got a few more hours before I have to worry about that report” and gradually turns into “I’m only 21, what’s the deal if I need one more semester to finish school?”. And then you wake up one day and realize you’re 24, all your friends have graduated and you’re still jerking off.

34. When picking a career it’s best to focus on what you’re actually good at than something that just sounds more interesting. Regrets have been made.

35. Follow your intuition. We are animals that have been taught to ignore our instincts. Following my instincts has save my life before.