#whatever I said to them that I don't even remember saying was coached

[genderisareligion]

It is nauseatingly narcissistic to intentionally cripple your children so they can't get away from you. Should be possible to legally gatekeep parenting like some kind of test to take to make sure they aren't sociopaths like my mother.

The pain that is encountering the "every girl needs her mom" "everyone loves their mom" narrative in society when yours actively antagonized you because she couldn't control you or your reaction to the sexual abuse she tried to cover up.

The pain that is watching women in their 60s continue to be dedicated agents of the patriarchy at the expense of their life and the lives of other women around them.

I'm happy for those of you with decent mothers. Appreciate them.

[arctrooper69]

As Iron Sharpens Iron

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

Beta-read by @dragonrider9905

Chapter 6:

Previous // Next

Warnings: Jealousy. Canon violence.

--------------------------------------------------

The mission was simple.

You stood, picking at a loose splinter of wood beneath the bar, leaning on the counter as Cid explained the objective.

“Just remember I need that asset undamaged or you ain’t gettin’ paid.” She said, taking care to emphasize ‘undamaged’ as she shot a glare towards Wrecker, “That means no blowing it up, Muscles.”

“Hey! That was one time and it wasn’t my fault!”

Cid rolled her eyes, “Regardless. I want you in and out. Grab the staff and get outta there before the gang even realizes you’re there. You better not lead anything back to me. I can’t afford any more trouble around here. Especially with you lot.”

Hunter bristled but remained silent. It was a testament to his willpower that he hadn't yet told her off for the blatant disrespect she showed towards them.

You'd think she'd be more reasonable since we're the ones making all her money here, you thought, then sighed, but then again, we don't have much of a choice and she knows it.

Hunter pulled his pack over his shoulders and signaled the group to head out, not missing how quickly you turned away, not meeting his eyes.

***

The Marauder lay in quiet flight as it hurdled through hyperspace - the silence only broken by Wrecker's occasional comments and Omega’s responding laughter. Tech lay asleep on his bunk and Echo tinkered with something in the back. If it were any other day - any other time - it would've been peaceful. An oasis of relaxed preparation before the chaos of a mission.

Now the silence hung taught - stretched and pulled uncomfortably over the atmosphere. It was stifling. Stale.

Part of you longed for that normalcy - to take advantage of this time to go over strategies with Hunter, mapping out the best course of action, listening to his baritone words coaching you to think outside the box.

He was sitting right there beside you across the cockpit.

Say something, you begged silently. Anything. Ask me to stay and I will.

But no one made a sound.

Hunter sat stiffly in his chair staring directly ahead.

You sighed, pulling your feet up onto the chair, resting your chin on your knees, hugging your shivering bones.

Had space always been so cold?

Hunter shifted in his seat. You wondered if he could hear how your heart raced, desperate to relieve the tension in the room. He was staring at you again. You could feel his eyes burning into the side of your head.

He took a breath as if he'd finally decided to say something and you glanced up meeting his eyes.

The proximity alert went off as the ship snapped into orbit, shaking Tech from his slumber as he stumbled to his feet.

Hunter stood up - whatever he had to say was gone in a flash of professional duty. Time to do the job.

***

The ship landed smoothly on the landing pad - courtesy of Cid’s given coordinates.

“Alright, let's see what we're dealing with.” Echo said.

Hunter nodded in agreement, “Tech, how's it coming with that scanner?”

“Almost done.” He replied, fingers moving quickly over dials and screens.

“Good.”

Hunter pulled his pack on and straightened the bandana over his forehead.

“Alright, Echo you'll scomp in and locate the treasure vault. Tech you need to splice into their systems and deactivate any security systems they may have in place. Wrecker and I will keep a lookout and take care of any trouble that comes our way.” He glanced at Wrecker, “Quietly.”

Wrecker grumbled as he rolled his eyes.

Then Hunter turned to you. “I need you and Omega to stay here and keep watch. We don't know much about what we're walking into, so we need to be prepared to make a quick getaway if we have to. Got it?”

You nodded and Omega jumped to her feet. “Yes sir!”

***

Of course he doesn't trust me. You thought bitterly. He put me on babysitting duty.

A burst of regret tore from your chest as you watched her.

Omega hung upside down on a rock just outside the ship, fiddling with her trooper doll and a toy shuttle that Echo had found for her - oblivious to your traitorous thoughts.

You sighed, feeling the shame darken your cheeks.

You can't take your problems out on a kid, your inner voice scolded. Omega didn't deserve to be caught up in the middle of whatever this was.

“Heads up,” Hunter’s voice sounded through the coms, yanking you from a bored stupor, “You’ve got hostiles coming in fast.”

Omega looked over to you, eyes wide as she processed the information. She took a breath and nodded, keeping eye contact with you, lips settling in a grim determination. She unslung the bow from her back.

“Copy that,” she responded, “We’ll be ready.”

“Negative.” Hunter’s curt response came back immediately. “Do not engage. Get back on the Marauder and take off.”

You all but grabbed the com from Omega. “But what about you!?”

Silence. “We’ve been compromised.”

Omega snatched the com back defiantly, eyes narrowing in concern. “We’re not leaving you!”

“That’s an order!” Hunter hissed, keeping his voice low.

“No. Omega’s right. We’re not leaving here without you!” The com was once again in your hand.

“Listen to me!” Hunter snapped, “Get Omega out of there now! We can handle this on - “ The message cut off in a garble of static and shouting.

“Hunter!” Omega grabbed the com again in a desperate attempt to get him back. “Hunter, come in! I repeat, come in!”

Nothing.

Omega looked at you, wide eyed, shoulder’s bobbing up and down as she breathed, processing the situation.

Your head shot up. Muffled footsteps - voices echoing in the distance, carried on the wind. Gruff and unforgiving in a boastful confidence.

“Kriffing shit…” you hissed under your breath, grabbing Omega’s arm as you ran back to the ship.

“What are you doing!” Omega tried to yank her arm from your grip as you dragged her up the ramp, “They need our help! We can’t leave them!”

“Shhh!” you commanded, boosting her up into the storage hatch before clamoring up behind her.

“No!” she struggled, “We’re a squad! A family!”

A pang of hurt speared through your gut. Not me. Not anymore.

“We don’t leave our own behind!” she said adamantly, glaring daggers of betrayal and confusion at you.

Hunter’s words.

She looked up to him, constantly and unconsciously copying his mannerisms and ideals.

Hunter doesn’t trust you. The antagonizing voice of your subconscious snapped. That’s why he left you here with the kid. You’re just an asset. A body. But maybe you could be more than that. Maybe, upon rescuing them, the team would see you differently. Hunter would see you differently.

You sighed, “We’re not leaving, but we’re no help to them if we’re dead or captured.”

She nodded silently, relief palatable on her young face. Sometimes it was easy to forget that she was only 12 years old.

Is it selfish to want to prove yourself as more than just a useful tool?

Omega crouched by the closed hatch at her feet, bow in her hands, mimicking your own stance as you poised for action, blaster in hand.

Footsteps thudded up the ramp, carelessly clattering through the cockpit.

“Find anything?” one of them called out to his companion.

“Nah… there’s nobody here.” Another crash as he dumped a chest, “Nothin’ good here neither.”

Another clanging slam as another trunk was forced open. A loud chuckle came from a third voice.

“Ha! Hey, come get a load a this! The boss is gonna like this one!”

More footsteps, “Holy shit! Who keeps an entire trunk full of thermal detonators beside their bunk?”

“No clue, but they’ll go for a ton on the black market.”

“...and why is there a kriffing stuffed cat inside a trunk of thermal detonators?”

You side-eyed Omega.

“Ohh… that’s where I put her…” she whispered to herself, relieved that she no longer had to figure out a way to tell Wrecker that she lost his Lula.

“Whatever man, just grab the detonators and let’s go. This place stinks.”

“Yeah what a bunch of losers.”

Omega’s grip tightened on her bow, face contorting in anger as if she was ready to jump down and give the thieves a piece of her mind.

You placed a hand on her knee and slowly shook your head. Not yet.

“We are not losers!” she whispered harshly, insulted that the thieves had insulted her team - her family.

But not yours. You grit your teeth bitterly.

Once you were sure the offenders were gone, the hatched hissed open and you jumped down, catching Omega as she jumped.

“Okay, what’s the plan?” she looked at you expectantly. You nodded, practiced mind already running through various scenarios.

“We’ll track those thugs back to the compound. They have to be holding Hunter and the others there somewhere.”

Omega nodded solemnly. “Good plan. And then when we get there, I’ll keep a lookout while you search for a way in!”

“Right. Just follow my lead and stay out of sight!”

--------------------------------------------------

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[sassyandsodone]

Mother

(A bit of a character study of Raphael. A lot of mommy issues, and a look at his relationship with his father's consort, Baalphegor.)

Baalphegor was not the mother of Mephistopheles’s cambion brats. But she had known many of them. Some had seen her as a threat, some had seen her as a potential ally, she was not a mother to any of them. But she liked this little pup.

Raphael was bold for such a puny thing. Once he had survived to an age where he could talk, everyone in Cania quickly learned, he could not stop. Every situation he foolishly backed into, he tried to talk his way out of. And while child-like charm was hardly useful against hellbeasts, he did have a gift for convincing any that would crush him like an ant that his father actually cared about him. That was usually enough.

In spite of his age, or lack thereof, he did excell at magic, unsurprising really considering who the child’s sire was. Even at an age before he could read, Raphael could teleport, not exactly perfectly but he could do it. Teleporting seemed to be his preferred method of transportation as he got better at it. He was always appearing and disappearing without warning, something everyone in the palace had gotten used to.

So, as Baalphegor relaxed in her chambers, a book in her hand as she lounged on her settee, she barely even looked up when young Raphael appeared on her floor in a flash of cinders. She could hear him panting, breathless, he must have been running before he teleported himself to her.

“My, my, little prince,” she said, “what sort of trouble have you gotten yourself into this time?”

Raphael picked himself up off the floor and brushed his hands across his clothes. He was still so young, she wouldn't even consider him an adolescent yet, merely a child. His horns were small and a second set was just beginning to grow in. He stretched out his little wings that had gotten ruffled with his fall.

“Gelugons are mean,” the child said, there was a huffing pretentiousness in his voice.

“No arguments.” Baalphegor turned the page of her book. “How exactly did you manage to upset one, pup?”

He huffed. “I'm not a pup.”

Baalphegor put down her book and looked at Raphael. It could not be said that most fiends cared for “cute” things but there was something very endearing to her about this child wrinkling his nose in disgust just like his father did.

“And yet, your fur is all ruffled like one. Sit. Let me fix your hair.”

Raphael’s nostrils flared as he gave another huff, but, like a good boy he came and sat on the settee. Baalphegor ran her fingers through his hair, catching her long nails on a number of tangles.

“So, what did you do to that gelugon?”

“I did nothing wrong,” he declared but Baalphegor highly doubted his assessment. “I am a son of Mephistopheles. It had no authority to bar me from going anywhere!”

She could still remember a time when Raphael couldn't pronounce his father's name. And she had been the one to coach him into doing it correctly, lest he insult his father to his face and incur his wrath.

“Oh dear,” she chuckled. “Did someone go snooping where he did not belong?”

Raphael stiffened, his tail flicked back and forth. Still too young to lie with complete confidence. His hand moved to his left pocket. He had something in there, didn't he?

“I'm a prince. There is nowhere I don't belong.”

He knew he had done something he wasn't allowed to. And he most certainly had taken something that wasn't his. Baalphegor smiled, one hand glided through his hair while the other summoned whatever he had in his pocket directly to her. A small crystal ball appeared in her empty hand.

Raphael quickly turned around feeling the item gone from his pocket.

She examined the sphere. It was dark as Abyss with reflections of scenes playing in it. A scrying tool. Her little prince seemed to be interested in spying on something.

“Oh dear,” Baalphegor said, “what would your father say if he knew his son was stealing from him?”

“I'm not stealing!” He twitched as he said it, though, not even believing this defense himself. “It's mine by birthright.”

“Mmhm, I'm sure your father will listen to that.”

Raphael reached for it, only for Baalphegor to make it disappear.

“Give it back!” Raphael huffed and his little wings flapped at her.

She smiled, a giggle escaping her lips. “Now, now, pup, that isn't how a devil would do things, is it? There is an exchange to be made. Or does your mother's blood dominate you?”

She knew that would stir him. The first insult that was always thrown at him was his half-human ancestry.

The little prince’s brow furrowed and he wrinkled his nose. “I am a son of Mephistopheles! I have nothing in common with sorry mortals!”

“Now, now, pup, we both know that isn’t true. And besides, for all its disadvantages, your mother gave you a great gift upon her death.”

He raised an eyebrow, quizzically, but said nothing.

“Her blood.” Baalphegor began to pet his hair again. “With your half-mortal blood, you were gifted a strong connection to the material plane. You can go where other devils cannot.”

He relaxed at her touch, his tail curling gently against her leg.

“The material plane is a trove of things we, devils, desire. And you, pup, can go and take it for yourself. You can slip between the planes.”

“I can?”

“Of course. If you're any good at magic, that is.”

His tail flicked. “Of course I am!”

Baalphegor gripped his shoulders. “Then why don't you prove it? I will give you back the crystal ball when you bring me a treasure from the Prime.”

Raphael was quiet for a moment, clearly thinking. “...what do you want from there?”

“Oh, pup,” she sighed, “never give your client a chance at getting more than they asked for. If you had taken my deal before, you could have brought me anything. Now, I get to name my price.”

“That's not fair.”

“Devils do not play fair.” She tapped a finger against his nose. “Well, since you need to learn a lesson…” she trailed off, considering what would teach her little prince best. “...bring me an item that belonged to your mother.”

His tail stiffened and a look of confusion blossomed on his face. “My…mother?”

“Do your ears not hear, pup? Yes. Your mother. She was from the material plane, some trinket of hers must remain there.”

“But…” he paused, breaking eye contact as he tried to word what he wanted to say. “But I don't know who she is.”

“Oh? Well, my apologies, pup. I had a thought a child of the Cold Lord would be smart enough and skilled enough to discover that information on his own. My mistake.”

She watched to see the anger build up in him. Little Raphael may have only been a child but his pride was vast as his ambition. She could see a rage building in his eyes, a fire to fuel him.

“I'll do it!” he snapped. “Lady Baalphegor, I swear to bring you the greatest trinket of my mother's I can find!”

She smiled. Her little prince would grow up to be great, she would make sure of it. Baalphegor snapped her fingers and summoned a parchment. The infernal ink glowed red, the terms of their little agreement laid out plain for the child to read.

“Just sign here, Raphael.”

—

The years had not changed her little prince. Not in the slightest. From childhood into his teenage years, his skills had progressed. He was exceptional at magic, and had developed a flair for song contracts (much to the annoyance of any who contracted with him.) His silver tongue had gotten out of more trouble than it had gotten him into. His fire never calmed, his ambition never dimmed.

Raphael was no longer constrained by Cania, he had become powerful enough that he needn't remain if he did not want to. The material plane was his playground. Raphael had even given himself a human form, to make it easier for him to do whatever he wished there. He galavanted across kingdoms. He performed music and poems in taverns across Faerun, though he had tried to hide it, he could not hide from Baalphegor’s scrying.

And all the while he had yet to deliver on his vow to her.

It wasn't as if she never saw him working on it. Many times she had caught wind of him being in places in Mephistar he shouldn't be looking for information on his mother. But, considering how smart the little prince was, it was surprising how long this was taking him. Now, it could not be said he had a particular need for the crystal ball she had taken from him anymore, he was more powerful than it was. But a devil must hold true to its word. So, she had faith Raphael would deliver.

Baalphegor was adjusting her appearance, gazing into her reflection in the mirror, when a second figure appeared. She did not hesitate or startle. Baalphegor knew who would intrude on her personal time uninvited. It was Raphael who had teleported behind her.

“Well, pup, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

He bristled at the nickname but let it go. She had called him “pup” his entire life, he no longer fought it like he had when he was young.

“Lady Baalphegor,” he said. Raphael carried himself professionally even though she knew it was a front. “I have come to fulfill our contract.”

A smile parted her lips and she stood to meet her little prince face to face. He was no longer so little, no longer did he sit by her side and allow her to play with his hair. He thought himself a man, a mature devil with immense power. She didn't have the heart to tell him he was still hardly more than an ant compared to those who ran in the same circles as him.

“So you have. Well, what have you brought me?”

Raphael did not smile back at her, his lips pursed tight like the grumpy little boy he was. He held out his closed fist and into her waiting hand, he dropped a single golden hairpin.

One look at it and Baalphegor could tell he had succeeded. The thing practically oozed magic, every perfect twinkle in the light was a miniature dancing lights spell attached to it. The pin itself was in the shape of a magic sigil, and it was warm to the touch, almost like it was alive.

Baalphegor secured the pin within her own hair. “Congratulations, Raphael.”

His expression was still dark. “...she was Netherese.”

So he had uncovered it. Baalphegor gave a small chuckle. “Sit down, pup. Tell me what you learned.”

She took a seat on her settee and, despite the bad mood he was clearly in, Raphael joined her.

“She was human. From Netheril.”

Baalphegor waited, letting him speak at his own pace. His gaze was worlds away, his eyes dreamy. She could tell he wanted to speak, wanted to regale her with the tale. But he was holding back.

“I saw the cities in the skies.The arcanists. The enclaves…” There was a reverence in his voice. He almost sounded proud. Proud of his mother's home. Proud of his mortal side.

That tone itself was more than enough to prove he was still a child. Still naïve.

“Would you have liked to live there?” Baalphegor asked. She kept her inflection gentle and welcoming, like she was luring a mortal into a trap. Perhaps she was. Perhaps that's all Raphael really was at his core. In which case, he would be better off purged.

The little prince gave her a sideways glance, eyes narrow. He seemed to have noticed the trap. But he, curiously, did not speak up right away. And Raphael always spoke whether he had something worth saying or not. It was clear, he was genuinely contemplating.

“...No,” he said after a worrying silence. His tail may no longer have flicked involuntarily but it was just as obvious that he was lying.

Still, Baalphegor waited for him to explain why, to affirm that Cania was superior in every way to those sky rocks, that Baator was the only realm that mattered. But he didn't. He didn't prove he understood the lesson, just told her what she wanted to hear. Baalphegor sighed. If her pup was to stand a chance he needed this lesson drilled into his skull.

“Do you think you could have had a life there?” Her voice was restrained, she wasn't yelling, she wasn't crying, but displeasure rang through her words.

“...what?”

“I asked you a question, Raphael. Do you think you could have had a life there?”

“...I—” he began but he did not meet her eyes. A liar.

“Look at me, pup.”

Raphael took a breath and looked into her eyes. He looked so human. His orange eyes were sparkling with the foolish human notion of hope.

“...There was a wealth of things to learn there.” His voice was weak, small, just like him. “I was there for only a day and I saw things I never knew possible.”

Baalphegor smiled, her tone staying calm even as she contemplated punishments for him. “There is much more to learn here, little prince. All the souls in that empire aren't worth one book from our Archduke's library.” She chuckled. “Yet I know you and your ilk.”

Raphael quirked an eyebrow at that line.

“You're a creative, a dreamer, a sensitive sort. You've been living in fairy tales since you were old enough to read them.” She turned her gaze from him. “Perhaps you're right.”

“Lady Baalphegor?”

She put up a beautiful false smile. “I mean it. If you think you belong there, who am I to argue it? I'm not your mother. How could I be? I am a pure devil; you don't resemble me in the slightest.”

He bristled.

Baalphegor pressed ahead. “Your sensitive nature could have flourished in the prime. You'd never be studied in magic, no. Why would you need to be? You'd be nothing. But you could play your music, just like you do now when no one's watching you.”

She looked back at him and watched as he swallowed a lump in his throat.

“You could sing your tales of greatness that would be worthless outside of your empire, your city, your filthy taproom. But you'd have admirers of course. There are always types who fetishize monsters.

“And be assured, Raphael, you would be a monster. Your devil wings, such a lovely feature your father gave you, they would be nothing but a lead weight around your ankle. I suppose you could always say a prayer in the dead of night to those gods mortals seem to love worshipping that some hero would come and slice them, rend them from your back. Then you'd look like a common tiefling. And no one would be able to tell the difference.”

“No.” Raphael’s voice was stern, commanding, devilish. “You will not speak to a son of Mephistopheles in that way.”

She smiled. “A son of Mephistopheles and who, exactly?”

Raphael did not flinch, did not falter and she knew her lesson had reached him. “A son of Mephistopheles and a mortal broodmare whose only contribution to any realm was dying to birth someone far greater than she could ever be.”

Baalphegor pushed a stray hair behind his ear and leaned in to gently kiss his forehead. “That's right, pup. Never forget. You are superior to them in every way. Bearing you was the only good thing your mother ever did. Would you like to know what our lord did with her soul?”

His eyes did not sparkle. There was no place for hope in them. But they burned. They burned with his ambition, an insatiable fire.

“It doesn't matter.”

“Correct.” Baalphegor stood up and gestured to the hairpin she wore. “Pretty as she might have been, this is just as pretty. And it is worth more. I think you could sell it for 10 soul coins. Ten times what its owner was worth.”

Raphael stood. “Thank you, Lady Baalphegor. But I'd only give you 3 for it.”

“A hard bargainer.” She smiled. Her little prince would be great. She just knew it. “Alright.” She removed the hairpin, her lesson finally taught. “Shall we call it a deal?”

Raphael snapped his fingers and summoned an infernal scroll. “Just sign here.”

[harlowhockeystick]

wordless apology being accepted

pretty pls need this with sidney, can be coach!sidney or not, whatever you wanna do 💞

february prompts | coach!sidney x fem!reader

remember how y'all said you wanted the angst....yeah...

"hey, ryan's doing great in practice. he is the best kid a coach could ask for, really," sidney gave his players parents praise in the stands. it was thirty minutes until puck drop. occasionally before games sidney would go up in the bleachers and talk to parents while he could. he wanted to keep the relationship with his player's parent's strong, knowing that he was for their kids just as much as they were.

he sat next to y/n right before going back down to the bench on the ice. his hand subtly rested on her thigh as he listened to you talk about all you did that day, the parent meetings after class. he wished that he had time to actually talk to her, had time to sit with y/n and hear her go into more detail. but mid season he has to find a little bit of time to sit with her where he can.

"carter's getting better every day. i talked to the coach from arizona state today, he called wanting to know about him." sidney said, taking some of the popcorn she held in her hand. whipping her head to make eye contact she felt a few butterflies fluttering about in her stomach, college coaches already?

"but he's a freshman? are they even allowed to reach out when they're freshmen?" those were the questions that y/n was able to put words to, but in her head she had a thousand and one roaming about.

"all i told him was that he's everything a good program needs, he'll only get better with time, but to give me a call in a couple more years. coaches can go look and scout players as young as they want, but typically they don't get offered until they're a junior," sidney explained, "but if they're good...which carter is, then yeah. they can call, i got calls when i was in the eighth grade."

y/n felt intimidated, she isn't ready for conversations with college coaches and she knows carter isn't either. y/n just wants carter to enjoy the innocence of it all before dollar signs get thrown in his face.

"ten minute mark, i better get down there. want me to meet you guys at the restaurant?" she nodded her head and gave him a kiss on the cheek for good luck. by now parents had put two and two together of y/n and sindey's relationship. she had been approached and so has sidney, but for the most part it's been supportive. a few rumors here and there, but how can they complain when their son has the best coach in the country?

sidney starts to walk down the steps and takes a second to get somewhat of an outside perspective on warmups. hands in his pants pocket watching the opposing team but his thoughts were interrupted when a man approached him.

"i have a, uh, question," the man seemed nervous. he was stuttering over his words, not in a drunk way but he was extremely anxious over something. "can you maybe tell me," he took a breath before moving on, "which one my son is?"

sidney was taken back- no, he was floored. is this a joke? is this man serious?

"are you joking with me man?" sidney asked, taking a half step back to face the mans body with his. but from the way sidney looked in his eyes, they were nearly glossed over with fear and intimidation. the man shook his head as he looked on the ice again.

"i've been out of his life, i haven't been a good man and i'll be the first to admit that but, please i gotta start somewhere. saw his picture in the paper and i recognized him from the letters and stuff my mom sends me- his name's carter."

sidney pulled his lip between his teeth. he felt his leg start to shake and his stomach coil from anger, his hands grew sweaty as he balled them up in fists. he looked this man, this small weak man in the eye, he leaned into his level, "your son is number eighty in black. now get the fuck out of my arena before i have you kicked out, you fuckin-"

before sidney could say what he wanted to he felt y/n's hands on his chest pushing him back, "go to the bench, i'll handle him."

sidney looked down at her then back at the man behind y/n. he was still raging with anger on the inside, but did as told and walked down to the bench. when he got down there he watched as she talked to him a little bit before walking him out of the arena.

"what the hell are you doing here, john?" y/n finally asked as they stood out in the cold. she had kept in vague contact with john, trying since they divorced when carter was five to get him to come by at least once. for a birthday, christmas, or even an easter. but he never did.

occasionally he would send a gift card or a card with some cash, but y/n wasn't fully convinced it was him. she had her suspicions that his mother did it. she was involved in her grandson's life; she repeatedly apologized for her son's actions and for his absence. she was just as disappointed as anyone else was.

"'cause i feel horrible, y/n." was all he could say. it was all he had been thinking the past year. "i...i started going to therapy, and i've been trying to get the courage over a year and i just...i wanna be involved. i wanna be there, i wanna get to know my son."

"well you should've thought about that before you walked out on me and your son with your secretary, john. you should have thought about that before you chose a woman who was barely twenty years old over your wife and your child, you had the chance but you lost it."

y/n had so much more to say. she had thought for a long time what she would say if she got the chance. she often rehearsed in her head all that she would say, all that she would yell and scream at john for. she thought about all of it.

"y/n just give me a chance!" john shouted, taking a step closer to y/n not caring about the people who were walking past.

"no. it's not my chance to give. if carter wants to meet up with you then i'll get with your mom, but i could care less. to me you're a fucking loser, john." she felt tears begin to fall down her cheeks as she looked the man she loathed in the eyes for the first time since she last saw him after the divorce was finalized ten years ago.

"leave, just leave. this isn't how carter would want to see you for the first time in ten years anyway," john ducked his head and walked toward the parking lot. y/n turned and went back into the arena to where she was sitting.

a few parents asked her if she was okay, those who knew her and carter's story giving her a hug and a pat on the back. she was appreciative of those around her who supported her and her son.

y/n could barely focus on the game that had already started when she sat back down, her perspective and head space too foggy to even comprehend the game unfolding before her. all she could do was think about the worst days of her life replaying over and over in her head. she was replaying the minute she found out about john's affair, when she packed up her and carter's things and went to her parents house for the time being. she was replaying the divorce meetings, the arguments, the tears.

she was replaying having to explain to her five year old son where his dad went and why he wasn't going to be at home anymore. y/n hadn't gone into full detail with sidney about all of this yet. their relationship was just a few months old and she wanted to protect carter as much as she could. y/n knows and trusts that sidney was and is a good man, but she wants carter to tell what he wants to, not tell for him.

but now she will probably have to.

-

she went ahead and sat in sidney's office, she walked down there a few minutes before the last period ended. she knew that carter had a couple of points on the board, but y/n couldn't remember how he got them. her mind was full of remembering the worst years of her life with her ex husband.

she sat in a chair next to his desk, silently staring at the mess of practice plans, rosters, and scheduling papers strung along his desk. he walked in and shut the door behind him with a thud, plopping his game folder down on his desk. he didn't sit down, he stood with his hands in his pockets looking down at her as she remained sitting.

"you okay?" he asked. she could tell that he was tense, she couldn't figure out why though. they had won the game, the boys played well, and he didn't have anything to worry about. why was he so tense?

y/n nodded her head in response.

"i'll uh, make sure that he doesn't come to another game again." sidney sat down in his chair, resting his chin on his hand. there was an awkward tension in the room. sidney didn't know much about her past marriage, she didn't reveal too much to him. but now he had more questions than ever, he wanted to ask but it was clear she wanted nothing but to keep everything bottled at the moment.

"he seemed like a dick, don't know why anyone would want to marry him." sidney muttered, moving a few things around his desk. but y/n heard him loud and clear.

"what did you just say?" she asked, speaking for the first time since he walked into his office. oh no. he registered what he said, he didn't think before he spoke. he just let his thoughts flow freely off his tongue, shoulda held that one in.

"i- i didn't mean it, y/n i-"

"no, you think i don't regret being married to a man like that? one who was a complete horror of a man? who cheated, who left his wife and child? do you think i'm not embarrassed?" y/n felt tears brim her eyes and she stood up in front of him.

"y/n you know that's not what i meant," he stood up with her and walked around the desk. he put his hands on her shoulders but she slapped them away walking toward the door. she quickly opened it and headed toward the stairs. he thought about running after her but he didn't want to cause a scene. walking back into his office and closing the door he took a spare hockey stick that sat in the corner of the small space and smashed it as hard as he could against the wall, solving his anger in just that moment.

he fucked up.

-

sidney saw a text from carter which had him gathering his keys and putting shoes on his feet.

hey mom hasn't stopped crying since we got home, you know something i don't?

sidney picked up a to-go order on the way to her house, he knew that she wouldn't have eaten anything since leaving the arena. when sidney walked into her house he saw carter sitting at the dinner table eating a bowl of soup watching youtube videos on his laptop. "everything okay?" sidney asked, dumb question.

"i don't know, when i got in the car she was crying. i asked what was wrong and she just shook her head, i thought you guys broke up or something. did you?" carter asked, pausing the video.

"no, we didn't. it's not my place to tell you what happened, but i'll go talk to her." sidney patted carter on the back and walked toward the back master bedroom. he softly knocked on the door, he tried turning the doorknob but she had it locked. "y/n?" he softly asked, knocking again.

he heard sniffles and light footsteps across the wooden door. she unlocked the door and opened it. his heart softened at the sight, her eyes were puffy and her lips were chapped, she wore soft clothes.

walking back to her bed she got in it, pulling the covers over her legs. sidney sat at the foot of her bed and handed the greasy paper sack to her, his form of an apology in that moment. she took the bag and looked inside, a little grin coming on her lips as she saw the bag was full of fries.

she ate the fries in silence, her brain is dull and her head is hurting from crying for two hours straight. sidney sat on the bed with his hand on her leg, just hoping she feels comforted by his presence. he thinks she is, since she didn't take the bag of fries and kick him out.

she sat up, setting the now empty bag on her bedside table, leaned forward to take his hand in hers. sidney scooted closer to her on the bed when she folded her legs. then she gave him a kiss on the cheek, accepting his apology that came in the form of fries.

"i'm sorry for what i said y/n," he whispered again, pressing his forehead against hers. "it slipped out, i shouldn't have said it, i didn't even mean it i-"

"shh, you're forgiven sidney." y/n placed both hands on either side of his face, keeping her forehead against his. she sniffled and sidney parted for a moment, pressing his lips against her soft skin, taking both of her hands in his.

"you don't have to tell me anything about your marriage right now, but i promise, you say the word and i will make sure that he never steps foot anywhere near you or carter again." he tucked some hair behind her ears and kissed the top of her hands.

y/n shook her head, "you don't have to do that." she scooted back toward the pillows that leaned against the headboard, sidney moved on the bed to sit next to her. he put his arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head while she laced her fingers with his.

she told him everything that happened in her marriage; she told him about the way john would speak to her in such degrading ways, how john never really made efforts to go to carters special events, how he would make excuses and say things he's in preschool how special could it be? she explained how she found out about john's affair and the messy divorce. right after the divorce john left the state and she never heard from him until five years later. y/n explained how john's mom still keeps in contact with herself and carter, and that she sends john letters and cards with pictures of carter.

sidney felt himself boiling with anger inside, how could someone be that bad of a person? why would anyone want to do such a thing?

"this was the first time in...years that i had seen him in person and it just brought back, everything." tears began to flow through once more and sidney wrapped both arms around her and pulled her in as close as she could. "i don't know what i'd do without you."

[mazosstuff]

Heartsteel boys × classical singer!reader

Pairings: Aphelios, Ezreal, Sett, Kayn, Yone, K'sante (separately) × gn reader

Cw: maybe reader being a little insecure?

Words: 1.1 k

Aphelios

• You sometimes forget he's in the house, so, thinking you're alone, you start singing a little.

• You were no master at it so it was a little hard for you to say if you were singing with your throat or not, and that was one of his reasons why you never sang infront of him, but following some advices from your vocal coach helped alot.

• You were cooking something when you remembered the part of an opera you did when you didn't know Phel.

• Not noticing him, you started singing the solo and, my my, our boy was shocked.

• He realised you didn't know he was there, but he just stared at you awestruck.

• You never raised your voice in front of him, but to hear it so loudly, he was certainly amazed by it. (Doesn't mean that you were screaming, but it is pretty loud when someone sings right next to you, been there, done that myself)

• It was powerful, and even if he didn't understand a word of what you said, he still thought it was beautiful.

After ending your solo, you turned around and saw him, completely frozen in the spot.

Your cheeks went red

"Phel!" You exclaimed. "I didn't know you were home."

He grabbed his phone and wrote on the notes: do it again

"You... wanna hear me sing?" He nodded his head.

"And to think people say I'm too loud when I sing like this... don't you mind?" He shook his head to indicate a no.

Ezreal

• He kinda knew you sang a little, but he never knew what kind of genre you would be into.

• When you heard their song for the first time, you liked it a lot, so he thought your favourite genre of music must be electronic or pop.

• Truth to be told, you were really versatile with your taste in music.

• You two have a shared playlist where you once put an aria by accident, and you didn't notice until he told you.

"Babe, do you listen to classical music?" You stared at him. How did he know?

"Yeah... I usually sing it too..."

"Shut up, let me hear you! I wanna hear you sing the one you put in our playlist."

Panic. Total fucking panic. What if he didn't like it? What if you messed up the high note? What if...?

"Okay" you finally gave in.

"Let me just prepare a little... I don't wanna hurt my vocal cords."

After preparation, you started. Your heart pounded like crazy.

All went smoothly. You were so scared of having a voice crack but it never happened.

He got his yellow glasses and put them on his face just to push them down (like the scene in the MV).

"Why didn't you tell me I have a soulmate who sings better than me?"

"What...?"

"You can do high notes and everything! I need to tell this to everyone! My soulmate is already special by themselves, but this? You're amazing!"

Sett

• I feel like his mother would turn up the volume of the radio whenever classical music was put.

• He usually rolled his eyes when he was younger, but with age he started to understand the work and the vocal training people put to reach those levels. He respected it.

• Once you were going somewhere so he turned on the radio to put some music and the station the radio was on was the one of classical music.

• Before he could change the station you started singing.

• He secretly started to record you.

• He was impressed to say the least.

You looked over to him. "Delete that. Now."

"Oh come on, babe. You have millions of videos of me singing. Why can't I have one of you?"

"Touché..."

"Do you think I can sing whatever you sang now?"

"Do you wanna end up like Phel?"

"Omg, no"

"Then don't"

Kayn

• Bro rolls his eyes whenever he hears the words classical and music put together.

• He will pretend to throw up whenever you make him listen to a song that's not rock, pop, metal, or anything that doesn't have fast rhythm.

• One time it happened that you found a recording of you singing.

• He wanted to listen to make fun of your taste in music, but he was...

• He couldn't understand.

• Something he thought was lame just became... angelic.

"So... what do you think...?"

"It's okay, I guess"

"Wait... you are telling me that you liked it? Kayn, sweety, are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine. And what's with the sweety now? Don't say that again"

So, under that façade of the bad boy, there is a golden heart after all.

Yone

• He listens to the classic music playlists on spotify. You can't tell me otherwise.

• Would be delighted to know that you two shared this little interest.

• Would let you sing him to sleep if he allowed himself to rest.

• Once, because you had a minor argument, you slept in separate rooms.

• He couldn't sleep so tried with the music he had saved of spotify but nothing worked.

He knocked at your door.

"What?" You asked him, still pretty pissed off, but probably because of the tiredness and the sadness.

"I can't sleep."

"Me neither"

"Can... can you sing me that one melody you sing me everytime?"

"Can't you just listen it on your own?"

"Why deprive myself of the better version when I have it right in front of me?" The reality was that he needed your voice and not some of a stranger.

If your body wasn't a solid, it would have melted right there.

"Fine..."

(But no seriously, how can you not love this man)

K'Sante

• He would start humming with you some famous pieces.

• I don't know why but I have the feeling that he also has heard somethings so he has a basic knowledge of classical music.

• He asked why didn't you join a choir yet. With your talent, you should.

• He once tried sneaking up on you while you were reading a music sheet.

• With how scared you were you hit a high note that wasn't even in your range, or at least you thought it wasn't.

• The man was too stunned to speak.

"Did you just...?"

"I didn't even know that was in my range..."

"What were you reading anyway? Did you join a choir?" He gasped in excitement.

"Yeah... I followed your advice. It's actually more welcoming than I thought it would be"

"I'm so happy you're comfortable there!" He picked you up and hugged you.

A/n: Hi there! Paranoia has been stuck in my mind for quite some time, so I thought I might write something for the boys from the perspective of someone who grew up in a family of musicians and professional classical singers.

Riot... you gotta tell me why do you create them, make them drop a banger, and make them disappear into thin air.

I am waiting for a comeback of both K/DA and True Damage.

I hope you liked this! As always, requests are open. Check my pinned post!

[riofann]

Future Planning

Trigger Warning: Abortion, Pregnancy

“Yay daddy's home!”

“Yay” you say unenthusiastically, not wanting to have the conversation you planned on having with him. 

As Marcus gets out of the car and runs towards the door. You grab the groceries and follow inside. 

“Oh man, you let Y/N carry all the bags? I taught you better than that” Rio lightly scolds while reaching for them 

“It's okay” you say maneuvering around him and placing them on the counter

“I'm sorry, won't happen again” Marcus hugs you suddenly

“Apology accepted” you smile down at him rubbing his head 

Rio and Marcus spend some time catching up until Marcus retreats to his room to do homework, shower, and get ready for dinner.

“You good mama?” He asks noticing how distant you were being 

“Yes” you say smiling at him and returning to cut the potatoes, he was moving closer to you and you had yet to break the news to him 

“You look good….I missed you” he wraps his arms around you from behind and places a soft kiss on your neck 

“Thanks” you look down and your hands are slightly trembling. This could wait till after dinner you try to rationalize but it couldn't because he might have already noticed something was off. No greater time than the present just rip off the bandaid you coach yourself. 

“We need to talk!” you blurt out and step away from him 

“Okay” He hated those 4 words especially when they came from you. It meant you were unhappy about something he did or didn't do.

“What is it?”  He watches as you create space between you two standing on the other side of the counter. It must have been really bad you only do this when it's bad. And he is bracing for impact

Just say it like you practiced, you coach yourself “I'm pregnant” you say matter of factly. A smile immediately appears on his face. And he walks over to you but stops when you put your hand up. "But I don't think we are ready so I've scheduled an abortion for end of the week” there it was finally out in the open

He stops smiling. “What do you mean by 'we are not ready’”. He chuckles, “this a joke or something mama?”

You shake your head “No I'm telling the truth” 

He scoffs and a look of confusion takes over his face. While he points behind him he says “I got a whole son mama”  he begins walking closer 

You nod “Yes you do that doesn't mean we are ready for another child in our relationship. Marcus’s schedule is busy pick him up here drop him off there practice and games play dates he's a handful and I do not mind doing all those things let me just stress I love doing all of this for Marcus but having another child will just add a layer of complexity that I believe we are not ready for” 

He was now at arms length “Based off of what?” 

Your heart is racing trying to make sure you don’t say anything that would trigger a fight “Based off…” You pause 

“Based off of what Y/N?”  he knows what you're going to say

You look at him “Based on your availability with the many "projects" you are currently overseeing” 

He sucks his teeth “Y/N” 

“I just don't think now is the best time Christopher” 

“Don't I get a say in this?” he points to himself 

“That's why we are discussing now” 

“But you already made the decision off some bullshit!” you take a step back seeing his anger simmering right below the surface. You take in a deep breath and prepare for whatever else he had to say “I can adjust whenever necessary” he argues 

You nod “I understand what you're saying I just think th…” 

He interrupts “So really it's you that's not ready and projecting that shit onto me” 

“I'm not projecting it onto you, I said we.” You argue back 

“I'm ready so who's left between us in that we?” 

“Christopher..”  he sucks his teeth again “Remember we had this discussion we discussed goals short and long term, how our future would look together and individually, we even agreed that right now having a child isn't the best, we went over how it would slow down your plan for expansion and profits. We agreed that I ha…” 

He interrupts again you moving closer and speaks in a stern voice “Stop” he commands he puts his hand on your stomach “Stop talking about this like we are discussing business.”  he rubs his thumb back and forth “we are talking about my baby, our baby” 

“I know that Christopher. But in order for you to meet” 

“Stop!” His jaws clench in anger, 

You open your mouth but refrain from speaking seeing the anger in his face

“I'm okay with slowing down, I want us to have a child together, this one and many more with you Y/N ” he speaks with conviction 

“Christopher.. I just” 

“Stop. Let me finish.” he sighs  “I know what I said but shit life happens I just cut my time at work in half for a month cuz of Marcus don't act like I won't do it for you” 

You go to object “yea but…” you pause to find the right way to say what you were thinking. Marcus was his child. It was different. You’re an adult, you don't believe that would be extended to you at least not as long as he did for Marcus. Let alone 9 months 

And it all clicks for him it wasnt that you were having his kid it's that you feared going through this alone “You won't be alone. I know I'm guilty of pushing you to the back burner but I've been working on it and it shows right?” 

“Yes that's true but” you still weren't convinced 

“But what mama? What is it? Cuz I'm all in doctors appointments, morning sickness, swollen feet, achy back, 4am cravings, pregnancy pillow I’m all in, you won't go through it alone I'll be there” he tries reassuring you 

You really want to believe him but it's hard he hasn't had the best track record of keeping promises. 

 “I will think about it” is all you can think to say 

He huffs in frustration “what else is there to think about Y/N?” 

“Many things Christopher you act like having a baby won't change everything” 

“And I'm telling you I will be here with you” he counters 

“And I appreciate that I just need to think about some things”

“So fuck everything I said you've made the decision you just trying to get my buy in?”

“No I haven't”

He scoffs again “You already scheduled the appointment what else is needed from me but to hold your hand while you go through with this bullshit”

“I’m..” you pause feeling yourself getting emotional “It's not set in stone Christopher. You've given me a lot to think about and I just need to process it all”

“End of week is in 3 days Y/N. If you already called and made the appointment you not bout to back out now.” he pauses  “When did you make the appointment?” 

“Last week..... when I found out” you mumble 

He scoffs “You couldn't have waited to talk to me first? Why did you even tell me?”

“I wanted to get your opinion” 

“Why?” 

“Because I value your opinion…” 

“Can't be you booked the appointment without even hearing what I got to say. And then you come home to drop good and then this bullshit news all at once and nothing I'm saying is swaying your decision. So why put me through this shit?!” 

“I'm sorry Christopher I just didn't want you to discover later”

“Whatever Y/N do what the fuck you wanna do cuz clearly you're the only one that matters in this relationship” with that he walks away 

You both don't say anything else to each other, the tension hangs in the air as the days tick by getting closer to your appointment. You want to continue to talk about it, but you say nothing. You need more reassurance but you feel guilty by how you handled the situation. 

You both don't even acknowledge each other as Friday approaches. He wakes up early and leaves. You get dressed and go to work. The day is a blur and if anyone asked you can’t tell them what fires you put out or what you worked on. When evening approaches you pull into the driveway of Abuela’s (Mariana’s) home. It was a get-together for one of the kids birthday in the family. You were late and Rio had been telling everyone that you weren't feeling well so it was a surprise to see you walk in. 

“Y/N you're here!” Nick greets 

“Hey!” you greet as you step into the room you see Rio in your peripheral vision but refrain from making direct contact. 

You make your rounds and join the ladies in the backyard this time the men are in charge of cooking.

“So Y/N how are you?” Mariana asks

Your body tenses up you knew Rio went to her for advice from time to time

“I'm good just work you know” you smile trying to fake it

“Life's treating you well? Anything coming up?” 

You feel like vomiting

You shake your head “No just work” 

She gave you a look he had gone to her, you were positive. Well this was it the end of your relationship as you knew it. If she sided with him why would she want her grandson staying with such a woman. 

You refrain from saying much feeling like everyone knew and when you were pulled into conversation you kept your answers short and brief. When the dinner is ready some women plate the food themselves while others were served by their partners. You fixed your plate, you were nauseous and also you were doing all that you could to avoid Rio. You were glad this was a casual celebration so seating is open and you sit with your back to him purposefully and pretend to be involved in an ongoing conversation between his relatives sitting in a circle. 

Nick sits by you and once again you tense up. He always had something up his sleeve “You and Rio got into it or something?”  he asks 

You roll your eyes “No”  you did your best to avoid whatever strange push and pull relationship they had 

“He hasn't even given you a kiss, when we know he can't go more than 30 minutes without showing you affection.” you remain silent and smile picking the dessert on your plate “come onnnn” he eggs you on “you can tell me we’re family” 

“It’s nothing Nick!”  you smile. 

“Well I'm here if you need me” he winks at you before leaving 

You never trusted him. You couldn't, you  have seen and heard too many shady situations caused by him.  

His scent lingers and it makes you feel even more nauseous and you do your best to make your way to the bathroom without raising concern from the group.

You barely have time to lock the door behind you before you vomit into the toilet bowl. 

You try your best at keeping quiet so no dry heaving or heavy breathing just liquidized food making noise as it makes impact with the water. When you're done you quickly spray the air freshener clean around the toilet, swish in some mouthwash you see in the cabinet and hurry out of the bathroom. 

“Oomph I'm sorry!”   Rhea says as you noth run into each other 

“Im so sorry Rhea” 

“Its okay wasn't paying attention to where I was going” 

You chuckle nervously “Me too” 

She rubs your arm “You okay? You look pale” 

“Yea yea just tired” 

“Oh yea get some rest this weekend. Marcus, Sean, and I are going to Florida!"

“Yea thats right, I remember” 

“Yea it should be fun! let me give Ezra this book” You nod and watch as she walks away 

When you return to the gathering you make it a point to leave first. It was getting late and you were tired. Your body was starting to crash from the high stress week and day.

You say your goodbyes with Mariana being the last person you hug 

“Congratulations sweetie, can't wait to meet my grandbaby”  she whispers. You look back at her shocked. “A woman knows come see me sometime next week”

“Si abuela” 

“Good drive home safe” and with that she walks away from you 

You get in the car in a daze. How would she have known were you showing that much? You begin your journey home. As soon as you get close to your home you see Rio calling you.  

You don't know why but this creates immediate panic in you he wouldn't be calling you unless he found out you didn't go through with the abortion. He calls again and you veer right and take the exit towards the freeway you aren't going home not now you need to calm down and all the emotions hit you like a ton of bricks so much so you pull over in a gas station to calm down. 

You're able to gather yourself quickly and make a quick stop at the local grocery store to pick up comfort snacks.Your heart sinks to see Rio's G- Wagon in the driveway. You cringe looking at the amount of time he had called you and texted. God why couldn’t you get it together. You scold yourself 

As suspected he was in the kitchen eyeing your every move. 

“Ignoring me now?”  You don't even want to say anything, you don't want to cry anymore

“No sorry I didn't hear my phone’s on silent." He wasn’t willing to argue about that now there were more pressing matters to discuss. He watches as you put the groceries away waiting for you to say something. 

“Abuela congratulated me on our new bundle of joy.” he finally speaks, realizing you weren’t going to say a thing. 

You nod “yup same” 

“You told her?” 

“No” 

“So you didn’t….” 

You shake your head “Nope I did not. Canceled on Thursday” 

He bites back a smile seeing how tense you still were but failing miserably 

“Talk to me mama we are a team remember”

“Uh yea” You take in a deep breath “I'm sorry. I didn’t handle this the right way. I should have. I panicked, I shouldn't have, I should have called you instead I got carried away in my head. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. You matter to me your opinion matters. I thought I was making the right decision for us. I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you. I’m sorry Christopher”  

He nods smiling and placing his hands on your waist 

“Come here” he pulls you towards him but you tense up

You put your hands on his chest “Umm no I should go take a shower” worried that all you did was smell like vomit. 

“Nah that I wanna hold you and I want you to talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you. I'll be here for you all the way.”  The tears gather in your eyes threatening to roll down your face. “Tell me” He urges caressing your face

“What if I'm not a good mother?” you mumble

He pieces your words together “What if you’re..” he stops and looks at you confused “You’re so good with Marcus why would you think that?”

“Yea but he has you and Rhea, so if I mess up you guys are there to fix things. And I wanted to have an abortion how does that make me a good mother?” you wipe away the tears

“Shh” he shushes your worry wrapping his arms around you. You whimper feeling the migraine forming as tears roll down your eyes “Tranquilo mama”

“I’m a bad person” you comment

He chuckles “no you’re not, stop thinking that way”

“I am” you insist “What good person would do what I did?”

“Look at me” He tilts your head up 

You bit your lip and shook your head. Why did looking at him always make you cry more when you were upset?

“Please mama,” he begs. You do so and he sighs in relief “You’re not a bad person, a little crazy” he jokes “But you’re not a bad person you will be a great mother just like you have been to Marcus. I don’t want you to worry about this. I don’t want you stressing over this. I forgive you for how you handled this. I should have also understood where you were coming from so it's not all your fault okay?”  You nod “Nah I need to hear you say it”

“I’m sorry”

“You already apologized mama,” he chuckles “I forgive you  its not your fault, I need to hear you say it”

“It’s not my fault” 

He kisses your forehead and gives you a loving embrace and you two stand in silence for a while, his heartbeat calming you down. “How about I run a bath for both of us”

“Okay”

“Come on mama” 

“You know abuela just comes up to me and pinches my arm talkin’ ‘bout why didn’t I tell her you were pregnant” you giggle “that shit hurt” he speaks while you relax on him in the tub

“Sorry, she told me congratulations when I was leaving. I thought you had told her”

“Nah, man that's crazy how did she find out?”

“She said to me a woman knows”

“Is this like some ET shit like y’all get with your period?”

You laugh “no I don’t know how. maybe it comes with age?”

He chuckles “Well whatever it is I’m glad we have her Blessing” 

“Yea” 

“You book an appointment to the doctor yet?”

“Mhmm” you nod “in 2 weeks”

He kisses your shoulder “I’ll be there” 

“Do you want a boy or a girl?”

“I want a healthy baby, but if I had to pick, I want a baby girl”

“And if its a boy?”

He shrugs “Love them the same but that's why we got all the time in the world. You and I can keep trying till I get my princessa.”

You chuckle “no im not about to keep pushing out babies till you get a girl”

He groans playfully “why not?”

“Besides, what if it's all girls?”

“Then we keep trying till we get another principe” 

“Christopher” you pinch his thigh

He laughs “Oww! I’m joking. I’m joking” 

A comfortable silence takes over and once the bath is done you both lay in bed in each others arms. “Can’t wait to see you waddle around the house” You groan making him chuckle “You’ll fill out real nice mama”

“And you ruined the moment”

He laughs “I love you” he says kissing you 

“I love you too.”

[inazumaclown]

idk if i already said it here but i think level-5 is a monument for character design. their characters are memorable in any games or series they produce, even when they're a little too much, their designs have a peculiar, lovable charm, i really really like them.

anyway here's me rating the GO designs of the OG characters :

endou is the fucking favorite. you can tell the studio really did their best for him. even without watching GO, you can tell he's still his old passionate self but in a cool and matured way. you can tell he's coaching kids and you can tell the kids love him and he loves them in return. 10/10.

kidou is great. of course he would be wearing a suit to coach middle schoolers, this is what being kidou is about !

i do think the new goggles are a little goofy, but haruna gave them to him, so of course he would wear them without hesitation. you can tell he's still awfully serious, but also no longer ashamed to monologue about his (occasionally stupid) special interest of the week if asked.

i would have advocated for longer dreads rather than, idk sorta untangled dreads ? but you know what, this is great. 9/10

i'm in love with kazemaru. always has been. his hair is perfect.

i just don't get why he got the coraline's yellow raincoat drip. it tells me nothing about him. i can't guess if he is an athlete, a hairdresser, a mangaka, a drag queen, a military sergeant, a carpenter or a sugarbaby. i'm left alone with my headcannons, and no clue how to prove they make sense. 5/10

i love that fubuki shirou, canonically the prettiest boy in the world, decided by himself to dress like sheldon cooper.

i like that when he put his coat on, he looks like a hobo. he didn't even had to try the hot snowboarder style, he already knew he'll be a good-looking hobo. i like that for him. choose for yourself king, you don't need anything. 8/10

my man looks so good in this. he doesn't realize he looks like the lovechild of yakuza and a mafioso. he doesn't realize why the grandmas are scared of him at the supermarket, but it's okay. i know he's well paid, he's still hardworking and professional, he's stable in all aspects, and he smells like a very masculine, expensive perfume. 11/10

of course, fubuki and him are happy and in love, and nobody gets how it could have happened when they walk side by side.

ah, fudou. some would say his new style is a glowdown, but i almost disagree.

true, he doesn't look punk and alt anymore, but i can tell that now, he's a true leftist. he looks like he doesn't have a job. he always smells like *spicy* cigarettes. everybody in his neighborhood knows and likes him. he owns almost nothing, yet everybody owes him something. he's an anarchist but he still votes, because he wants to do his part for a more peaceful future. he does throw rocks at cops during social movements. 8/10

kidou and him are also happy and in love. they fight all the time for petty things, but it's their way to say 'i love you'.

kabeyama almost didn't change, and that's good. he looks nice and polite and like a wonderful freehugger. i trust him. i could give him my firstborn, i know the kid would be well-fed and in bed at a reasonable hour. 10/10

i don't remember why kogure was in GO. it had to do with haruna i think, which is good, i like haruna. whatever he's just taller. 4/10

sakuma looks nice. the longer hair looks good. he would look better if genda was with him though. 6/10

tobitaka. my boy. he found his place. giving him the rai rai ken was such a good idea. it's not about the looks for him. it's about happiness, and he looks happier now. 10/10

tsunami ! the last member of the B4. he didn't change that much, which saddens me a little, but maybe it was because his design was always good. 7/10

toramaru. same boy but taller. they made an effort with his hair, i'll give them that. he looks like a lost management firm intern. i hope he finds the printer next to the coffee machine. i also don't remember what he does in the series. 5/10

glasses suit hiroto. he looks serious enough to do a serious job well, and still weird enough to say some deranged stoner shit without anyone asking after one (1) sip of unalcoholic beer. good for him. 7/10

midorikawa lost a bit of his theater kid charm, but i guess this is what happens when you work in foster care. he looks like a great mom though. 6/10

i'm disappointed. aphrodi deserves better than a boring ass suit. i mean come on, that man doesn't NEED to look professional, he is literally named after the goddess of beauty, he deserved better than that.

the side ponytail looks good. so sad for the little bleaching accident. he should cut that. 4/10

i can't clown megane. i look like that man. i wish him well. 7/10

WELL THAT'S THE END, I HOPE I DIDN'T FORGOT ANYBODY :D

(gouenji will have his own post.)

[jmdbjk]

Golden

Kookie had a runny nose. He said when he's just hanging out with nothing to do he's fine but as soon as things start ramping up and getting hectic, the cold that won't go away comes back. Jimin was on to something when he said he was concerned about Jungkook staying healthy with such a busy schedule.

As usual he has stayed true to himself and I admire that a person of his age can be so honest about himself.

He was trying to keep it real and said things to lower everyone's expectations: About writing songs, he said he can't really write songs. He said he just doesn't have it in him. He said when he tries it always ends up being about Army.

He wondered if it was because he was so simple. This is what makes me love him as just a human being: he says things about himself that WE might not agree with but that he feels about himself. He's just so honest and unpretentious, and he doesn't even try to be that, he just is himself.

He said he thinks he doesn't have the intellect and that he doesn't have anything to write about, and if he HAD things to write about, he couldn't say them prettily and that there are so many other talented creators that he would just fall short. He mentioned RM, Yoongi, Hobi... they are so talented.

It is understandable that Kookie, being last, he saw what the other members did, and truly, it had to be intimidating. He may never feel confident enough but I bet if he gives it a try he’ll do great.

All of what he said adds another nuance as to why he said “something amazing" is coming when he did that live back in March and Set Me Free Pt 2 was about to drop. He saw how hard Jimin worked through that process and the end result WAS amazing. Intimidating indeed.

Perhaps he still needs to live some life before he can have enough emotional baggage to pour out some lyrics (lol). Give it time, Kookie, life will throw some shit at you. Or maybe expressing whatever is inside of him will never come out in words to a song. And its ok. Not everyone is a songwriter or poet.

I can accept this album as "this is where he is in his life right now". He said they worked fast. That's a lot to accomplish in the amount of time from start to finish.

My thoughts on the songs...

The lyrics to several of these songs are a little ... meh..., sort of disconnected. THAT BEING SAID... I can see some lyrics that probably did resonate with him.

But I am not going to focus so much on the lyrics but more on JK's vocal work and think about how he was trying to sing and pronounce well. THAT is what he was trying to do. He said lyrics are lyrics and images are images... they are not meant to be autobiographical so the lyrics will be secondary to the vocal production for me.

Jungkook explained that the pronunciation was a challenge. The producers each had their own idea of how the lyrics should be delivered to achieve the color of the song. English not being JK's first language, he was coached on what to do in the studio. He said especially pronouncing the "EEE" sound was a challenge.

I recognize some sounds that seem trendy. Some of the songs remind me of other songs I've heard in the past by other artists.

Closer has that flute and Afro beat that reminds me of another song but I just can't remember it right now.

Standing Next to You is giving me Michael Jackson Rock With You from his Off the Wall album or Remember the Time off his Dangerous album. A rockin' groove... "... when it's deep like DNA..." and "leave your body golden like the sun and the moon..." yes, those lyrics definitely resonate.

Yes or No, I can definitely hear the Ed Sheeran throughout that song. A nice song about that first thrill of love. Ed Sheeran is a great song writer. I've always liked his work.

Please Don't Change would probably be the song that comes closest to expressing how Jungkook feels about his fans. Though his life has been spent on camera, things might change and if he's no longer on camera, he'll still be the same but he hopes we please don't change. This song also has the same little flute sound as Closer.

Hate You. This is the Shawn Mendes song. It is one of those angsty relationship songs that are popular now like what Olivia Rodrigo and her ilk does. If Jungkook had not gotten this song, I could see it easily going to a female artist. It's quite painful. Kookie does a great job expressing the tragic drama of it all with his vocals.

Somebody is where he really lets loose with his range. Its a sad song. Like many, his opening lines had me doing a double take. I don't think we've ever heard Jungkook sing in this tone before? Very nice.

Too Sad To Dance. This is the kind of song I think Jungkook could write. It is simple and straightforward. The song is cute and poignant at the same time. He was able to keep his tone simple to match the vibe, he didn’t try to make it over the top… I love this song especially the very last line: "...you don't need no one to dance..." Stand on your own and be yourself, just like Kookie is doing.

Shot Glass Full of Tears is the best song on the album. There, I said it. He really reached down and brought JUST enough edge into his voice to pull it off. I could actually get emotional over this song. I will repeat, this is the best song on the album.

Well done, Jungkook.

Overall, Kookie is relieved the pressure is off. Now he can get out there and do what he’s knows he can do and that’s performing

And then he said it again: BTS is the most important thing to him.

Kookie knew he had to do this album. And now he's done it and ready to move forward.

When he finally realized Tae had commented:

The panic over his house not being clean hahahahahah!

Because he wasn't sure what kind of chaos they were going to bring to his house, Kookie ended the live in a stress-clean panic.

My, what a turn of events... not long ago he was laying in bed naked causing mayhem trying to convince Jimin to let him come over and take a shower and now here they come to his house bringing trouble LMAO!

I hope they had a great evening together. I loved seeing Tae and Jimin out and about, it really hits a spot in my heart.

A little while ago, I picked up a copy of Golden at Target, I don't know which photo card is the Target exclusive but this is what I got:

It's a nice package with a hard cover photo book and a case it slides into. The stickers are nice. Jungkook was wearing an earring with the that motif so I suppose it will show up as merch on the Weverse shop soon.

Anyway, that's my review of Golden.

[thewaywardkees]

It's been so long since I've interacted with the Harringrove fandom, but I was going over old drafts I have on Google Documents today and found this piece I want to dedicate to my precious @ihni because darling... You have always and will always be my FAVORITE Harringrove writer. Always remember there's Stephen King, there's Taylor Jenkins Reid and then there's you (Baby Steps and Of Cats and Men will always live in my brain). I adore you, darling! ❤️ The only Harringrove Post of my own that I want to post online belongs to you and you only!

—

"I miss you, Billy..." Steve looks away from the stone as tears begin flooding his eyes, his heart thumping loudly against his chest as it finally gives in to the pain he has felt for so long. The pain he kept forcing down in order to be Steve — designated driver, babysitter, dumb friend Steve. His chin wobbles as he says "I miss my best friend…"

He lets the tears fall.

It had been strange how Steve Harrington and Billy Hargrove became best friends but Steve had seen stranger things before. He remembers bits and pieces from how it started and that's why he cannot hate his mother as much as he tries to. She brought Billy to him or her borderline fascination at keeping the garden perfect did. 

"The fuck are you doing in my house?" He spat out as soon as the front door was opened and it revealed Billy. Billy, wearing too thin clothes for Indiana's winter.  Fingerless gloves and open shirt, no beanie, no warm jacket. Steve wondered if the guy wanted to die of frostbite, he decided he didn't care.

"Must've gotten the wrong address, princess. Don't get your knickers in a twist." Billy replied, his brows furrowing slightly as he checked the paper he was holding in his hand and then whatever he thought was on the walls or door. Billy was about to say something when Steve bit out.

"Alright. Fuck off." 

Billy rolled his eyes and saluted him as he said  "Right on, your highness."

"Suck my royal..." 

"Billy… is it you?" His mom was suddenly at the front door. 

The rest is history.

Steve and his countless six packs of beer because "You are old enough to buy beer, Harrington." — "Bold of you to tell me I look 21, asshole". Billy and expensive packs of cigarettes because "I'm not smoking cheap shit, Hargrove. If lung cancer is gonna take me, I'll allow only good shit in my mouth", Billy turning beet red and Steve blurting out innuendos so easily afterwards.

Late nights at the Quarry and Billy talking shit about his dad, bloodshot eyes as he tried to shrink his rage and Steve's light touch to his arm. "Come here" — their first hug... Billy pressing his swollen cheek to Steve's chest, seeking the warmth of his embrace even if it so desperately needed the cold. 

Meet me at the bleachers notes. Movies on saturday? Notes. Okay, don't invite Tommy notes and more notes. Drawings too. Really ugly drawings of stick people, making fun of Mrs. Whoever's mustache, Mr. Whatever's ugly sweater… Any of your sweaters missing, Harrington? Middle fingers draws, mouth sucking said middle fingers draws. Middle fingers becoming dicks draws, Billy cackling so loud the whole class would startle. Steve becoming the Picasso of Dicks… just to make Billy laugh. 

Their coach congratulates them for putting their differences aside and working together as a team. A knowing glint in his eyes and a kind welcoming smile, he knows something Steve doesn't. Steve likes whatever their coach knows, it feels good… safe. Billy is smiling too and patting Steve's back. Months later "We are going to the finals, Harrington!" 

They lose by 3 points and everyone is angry. "If you two weren't sucking each other's dicks all the time, we could have won! WE ARE A TEAM, this isn't just about you two, you faggots" someone from their team lashes out at them and before Steve could say anything, Billy punches first… hard and breaks the guy's nose. 

Billy is forced to quit the basketball team.

He shows up at Steve's door with a split lip that night. 

"Homophobic assholes…" Billy says and Steve agrees. He is passing like a caged lion around Steve's room. Steve wants to reach out, touch his arm again like that night at the Quarry, bring him close and ask him to breathe but he doesn't. He knows Billy needs to get everything out his chest because it helps him relieve some of the pain he is feeling… physical pain — fuck you Neil, emotional pain... All sorts of pain.

"I miss you every day…" 

—

I hope you liked it, love!

And to the rest of the Harringrove fandom... More like the Billy Hargrove fandom. I hope you are doing alright, loves!

Happy 4th of July to my US Harringrove fellows! ❤️ (We all know what it means to this fandom)

[jamiesfootball]

🌷🌸🌹🌺💐🌷

some flowers for u when u need them <3

You told me to get back here and fix it. So here is a small scene from a sequel to last week's prompt for "Did it ever occur to you that maybe we don’t want to see you get hurt?”

Jamie shifted to block his path.

“Look, don't worry about me and the grouchy dick, alright? I just wanted to say sorry for before. At the hospital.” The distance on Sam's face softened into something Jamie could reach. Yet all his teammate said was, “That isn't necessary.” “No, see, 'cause it is. I mean, I don’t really remember what I did to set you off. Mostly I just remember some yelling. But if you can remind me what it was, I want to apologise for it proper- take accountability and make amends and all that, you know?” Because before he could apologise, he needed to know what he'd done. Knowing what you were apologising for was a big part of taking accountability, Jamie knew that now. The part where he'd gone and gotten his head rattled by a midfielder with anger issues didn’t excuse his actions, and it didn't make it any less his fault. Whatever he’d done to drive Sam — Sam — to yell at him, it couldn’t’ve been good. Still, he didn’t know what he could’ve done that was so bad that just the mention of it had Sam’s face turning spoiled sick. With a hand pressed to his chest, the lad looked seconds away from fainting, the grip on his water bottle so tight it might burst at any moment. Before Jamie could ask how high a debt he’d be paying off for the rest of his life, Sam shook his head and said, “No. Jamie, no. No, that is not-“ Whatever it wasn’t apparently wasn’t worth mentioning, because Sam chewed through the distance between them in two large steps. His body barely had a chance to startle backwards before Sam had him in his grasp.

He cradled Jamie against his chest. Lean, capable arms wrapped tightly around his shoulder and lower back, avoiding the sore spots the doctors had pointed out like they were real injuries instead of short term inconveniences. Sam breathed in deeply, a long inhale followed by a welcomed exhale, and Jamie found his own breathing struggling to match the pace. He let his head drop onto Sam's shoulder; since he couldn’t have painkillers around the house right now, the headache was killing him. “I worry sometimes that we are speaking two languages,” Sam admitted quietly against his ear. “That if I am not careful, I will accidentally do something to harm you. “Nah,” Jamie argued. “I’m tough. Not much you could do to hurt me.” Sam hummed, a rumbly little noise that rattled into Jamie’s chest, clearing away the cobwebs. “Let me cook for you. Come over to my place tonight.”

Some things were just too good to last.

“Can’t." Jamie said, starting to pull away even though regret tugged between his ribs. “Roy said we could start training again, and I've got stuff I need to get ready. 'Sides, I’m not supposed to -“

Sam held him fast.

"Jamie, please," Sam begged. "Training can wait one more day. In the meantime, I would like to cook for my friend. Please. Come over. Let us fix things. He should say no. He had responsibilities, things he'd committed to that should feel more important than jumping at the chance to skive off and play tea party with his friends. But he was so so tired, and any excuse not to spend another minute at home was a fucking life raft, and Sam-

Sam looked so bloody hopeful. “Yeah, alright," Jamie agreed, allowing the life raft to drift him a little further offshore. "D’you want me to bring anything?” Sam squeezed his shoulders. “Thank you. And no, that isn't necessary. Do not worry- I will stick to your nutrition plan. Only if Coach asks, we will tell him that all the food was fried.” Jamie grinned. It didn't even feel like a chore this time. "Sound."

[otdiaftg]

The Raven King - Chapter Nine

Day: Saturday, October 14th Time: 3:10 PM EST

"Dad liked partying it up with the other rich shits of New York," Matt said, "but his party favors were drugs. He let me—encouraged me, even—to try whatever I wanted so I would fit in. When Mom realized what was going on she took time off from the circuit to get me clean. We thought I was okay until I started here. The juniors we had back then were into some pretty heavy things, and I was tempted. The only way I stayed sober was by hiding from them. Last year the monsters joined our team. It took Andrew all of two weeks to figure out something wasn't right with me, and he took it upon himself to fix things. They invited me out with them to Columbia. When we got there Andrew gave me speedballs." Neil's stomach bottomed out. "He what?" "He didn't make me take them," Matt was quick to say. "He just offered them, and I was drunk and stupid and desperate enough to say yes." "Coach should have kicked him off the team." "He should have, except Andrew cleared it with Matt's mother first," Dan said, jaw tightening a little in old anger. "She knew Matt was having a hell of a time here and she wanted him to kick the habit for good. Andrew promised he could help, so she gave him her blessing. She flew in for the summer to help walk Matt through withdrawal and asked Coach not to punish Andrew. She even offered to pay Coach for the trouble." "But—" "No harm, no foul," Allison said carelessly. When Neil stared at her, she gestured at Matt. "You can't really have an opinion on this because you weren't here then. You didn't see what Matt was like. It was pathetic. He couldn't even look any of us in the face. Look at him now. The monster's methods might have been a little extreme but they worked." "You're not really okay with this," Neil said to Matt. "What if it backfired? What if you hadn't gotten back up again?" "Andrew had too much invested in Matt's success to let him fail," Renee said, speaking slowly like she was choosing her words with great care. Neil guessed she knew Andrew's reasons better than anyone else did, given herfriendship with him. "I don't know if they've talked to you about Aaron's history, but you understand Andrew's, don't you? He's not allowed to fight his addiction. Watching Matt struggle was very hard on them both." Her reference to Aaron didn't make sense at first, but then Neil remembered. On his second trip out to Eden's Twilight he asked Andrew why he bothered with cracker dust. Andrew said they'd picked the habit up for Aaron's sake. Just the other week Nicky mentioned that Aaron used his mother's drugs, though he hadn't specified what all she'd been into. Chances were cracker dust was a paltry substitute. Watching Matt crumble under temptation would have wrecked hell on Aaron's own sobriety. Neil was starting to rethink how apathetic Andrew was about Aaron's life. Matt misinterpreted Neil's silence. "You're a year too late to get mad on my behalf, Neil. Trust me: I'm okay. I'm more than okay, really. I thought rehab was bad the first time through. The second time almost killed me. It definitely killed any chance of me being tempted ever again. I'm clean for good and I feel better than ever." Neil needed more time to figure out how to feel about this, but it wasn't his life, so he said only, "It's your fight."

Art used with permission by rainbowd00dles. Thank you @rainbowd00dles

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP, can you allow me to confess something here? Sorry in advance for the long ask.

I'm in my mid-thirties and Jimin is my forever bias because I see my story in him. When I was younger I used to love singing. I had a beautiful voice with a very wide range, sang in a choir, was even invited to sing for pay when I was 9 years old. I'd sing everywhere and it was my best hobby. I couldn't imagine not singing. I wrote songs in my diary and would sing them to a few friends. But I didn't train my voice. I didn't even know that was something people did. It just seemed like a natural talent I had. By the time I entered college, I noticed my singing range had shrunk. While in school I didn't have many chances to sing in bands and sharing a room with classmates made it hard to sing. By the time college was over, my voice had nearly completely left me. I'd try to sing, but it wouldn't sound right and it would hurt. I started getting more and more self conscious and my confidence has taken a big hit. I try not to remember what I used to sound like in my teens and have made the best of my singing voice now. I know vocal aging happens to everybody, especially people who overuse their voices too early, but it doesn't lessen the silent inferiority I feel. I still sing as a hobby but can only do so in a smaller range though I still haven't gotten vocal training which is expensive for my lifestyle time-wise.

In 2020 I got into BTS through BE album. The voice on Fly to my Room sounded very unnatural, like a fairy and I gravitated to it immediately. I learned it belonged to Jimin and going back in time through BTS albums, the change in voice was jarring. I know this change was deliberate by him based on what I know about singing style and technique. Jimin has been getting regular voice training for some time now. But changes like that come at a cost. When I see him be a little unsure, I recognize the feeling too.

When you said Jimin is your best vocal in BTS, I fell a little in love with you. The way you explained his voice tells me you might intuitively understand all the changes both he and me have made. I'm assuming a lot of things but I just want to say thank you for loving his beautiful defiant voice. He might not be your bias, but I don't see even Jimin biases talk about his vocals the way you do. Jimin inspires me to keep singing and to love my voice in every way. Can you pls talk about this vocals through the years if possible somehow?

*

Hi Anon,

No worries about the long ask. I'll try to keep my response a bit shorter (though I'm hardly ever successful at that so we'll see lol).

Thank you for sharing what you did, and I doubt you're alone in having that experience.💜 I'm not really sure where I'm going with this reply yet, but I want to start with one fact:

Jimin has always had an unusual tone to his voice.

I'm not a vocal coach or anything so I probably can't explain this properly, but the first time I heard Jimin sometime in 2013, his tone reminded me of a teen rock singer, but not really... like if you combined Pink's voice with Justin Beiber's (say whatever you like about the guy but he's got good tone and knows how to use it), and then added something else. Something... metallic and throaty - just a hint of it.

Like if Brandi Carlile was a teen boy from Busan with a slight lisp and no vocal training.

At the time I didn't take much note of it, but over the years, his vocal tone and the way he's deliberately manipulated it into what's evolved to today - distinctly Jimin but akin to a merger of Taka, Mitch, and Tyler Joseph's voices, has cemented Jimin as one of my favourite singers.

Jimin's voice has always been unusual for k-pop. It was true in 2013, 2015, 2018, 2020, and it's true today, and all you need to confirm this is listen to any record from that time and compare it with anything else. For example, you can compare his vocals in his cover of Perfect Man with the vocals in the original (SM-trained vocalists).

[BTS devoured, but Jimin is a completely different beast here. You can listen to other covers as well. Nobody sounds like Jimin.]

I believe you're right about how his initial lack of training combined with the stylistic choices he pursues (which are difficult to execute sometimes as main dancer), has impacted his confidence over the years. But I don't think Jimin is insecure about his vocals the way he used to be years back. BigHit failed to provide support in 2012/13, but he's been steadily getting training at his request since at least 2017. You put Jimin on a song and that man will sing. He might not have the best technical proficiency, and there’s always room for improvement of course, but he's more than good enough.

Criticism of vocals, both fair and unfounded, is something that has always been thrown at Jimin. Like I've said before, his voice tone is already unusual in k-pop, and so people raised on/used to the k-pop way of singing (usually defined by coaches at SM who have saturated the industry for decades), have never really known how to think of him as a vocalist within the k-pop paradigm. I mean, even back then when his tone wasn't as stylized as it is now, people couldn't really place his voice, and now I often hear some complain about how oddly piercing he sounds sometimes.

But that's exactly one of many things I find addictive in Jimin's vocals. He is very much a rock vocalist, and likely will always be, so I hope he gets more opportunities to flaunt and obliterate the expectations of what a male vocalist from Korea should sound like.

Basically, I want more of Set Me Free Pt 2.

On Set Me Free Pt 2, he ratchets up that metallic quality to sound completely unhuman. It's like all the criticisms about vocals completely lose meaning when the voice isn't even trying to sound human-like. It's perverse and subversive.

A decade’s worth of criticism on his vocals, on that song he said fuck it all.

Like... Jesus.

I inject that song into my veins every. single. day.

I need Jimin to fuck it all to hell, one more time in 2023, for my sanity.

I need him to be his full inhuman self, to render me speechless and senseless with his vocals and I'm not even fronting. In fact, thank you for telling me you like how I talk about his vocals, because most times I'm toning down how I feel, what his voice does to me.

Anyway, I occasionally see people concerned for his voice, k-pop stans who think he can't sing, and I could not give a shit if you paid me to. Like, please give me the voice cracks, give me the tight high notes, give me that shit. I listen to Aretha Franklin, Rod Stewart, Beck, Stevie Nicks, Pink, Taka, Nina the goddess, Ray Charles, Brandi... like please, Jimin has great company. He's beyond the precise, predictable, and formulaic singing done in k-pop and mainstream pop. In my fucking opinion.

Anyway, I hear what you're saying about the difference in voice between Fly to my Room and say, Jump. I hear the fear in your ask. But Jimin is still more than capable of creating the voice from their earlier years. His voice has changed, yes, but it's matured too. For example, the way he sounds in that Perfect Man cover, is very similar to how he sounds in Face Off, IMO. The only difference is his tone is somehow more delicate, expressive, and intentional.

Lol oh lord I've rambled.

Okay, some clips of my faves from him, for kicks.

One of my all time favourite Jimin vocals, what I consider to be the epitome of pop/rock vocals by BTS, is his voice in Danger.

(MMA 2019 gave us so many gems)

*

Then there's Jimin in Magic Shop. His brightness and clarity of voice is really heard at 1:17.

*

And because this post is kinda long already, here's Alone.

*

Anon, please keep singing. Your voice is the one thing you should never surrender. Jimin will keep singing too.

Thanks for stopping by. :)

[adambja]

Please tell me, to enter the void I simply need to calm down and affirm? Like just lie down or whatever and start affirm?? Or I just focus on breathing and I'll be there like I can do this whenever I want??? JUST THAT??

Please give some tips for those who have ADHD and can't focus 😓

Actually yes you can do this and all the steps you said are totally right you can wake up in the void too without all that mess everyone says here

Also you can use these

• Resources and meditations for the void:

Clear your mind meditations:

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6

Adhd meditations:

1

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3

Adhd music (this helped a lot of people)

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6

It's from Rosie void.txt tho it's here

And assume that your thoughts "I am in the void" always manifests instantly if you don't affirm loudly!

And this is just a suggestion just work on your self-concept in the point that's related to the ADHD part and not focusing also the general self-concept about how you view yourself

Cause what I noticed is most people who got ADHD have lower self-concept and lower self-esteem and these doubts because of the way they feel about themselves and how this mental disorder is just restricting them in someway but fr it isn't actually restricting you at all - you have to realize/believe this so you can really achieve what you want no matter what

Another point: Not focusing can actually make you enter faster than anyone else you aren't even focusing on anything that's the point in other words detachment or like feeling so good that you forget what you are experiencing/doing this can make you end up in the void state it happens a lot tho

If you can't work on your self-concept alone I can help you with it and all you need is a self-concept tape you don't even need a package or anything else related to the void n it will be with discounted price because you have ADHD ;) but it's really not needed you don't have to buy it to enter but it will make things easier for you it's just so good I will post the reviews I got from my clients here about it soon

But if you know exactly what you are doing and what part you should work on go ahead and don't even get the self-concept tape from me

Also read this one post I have here it will help you with the way you view the void if don't want the coaching

And remember that ADHD is just normal it's not something that can stop you! 🫶🏻

If you are interested in the tape or have any questions about it - message me

Have a great day/night 🫶🏻🫶🏻

[f0point5]

Feel free to ignore this, but I was reading your older work of Max and Emillia (the few Jos Verstappen related chapter) and was stuck with some thoughts I needed to vomit out.

I have seen so many people hate on Jos Verstappen and say how Max should cut him off, and that Max would be better off without him, that he is nothing but a abusive narcissist and cannot help but think how simplistic that line of thought is. Don't get me wrong Jos is totally a horrible person and father, but that does not mean he is not one of the reasons that Max has achieved so much success and has the competitive mindset.

Now I am not in favour of abuse, in fact I relate to Max and Jos relationship alot as it is quite similar to the one I have with my parents. Asian Tiger parents (most of the stereotypes are true in my case) but they broke their backs providing for me. Any want or comfort of mine was above their need. They were hard on me, too hard alot of times but without it my siblings and I won't have achieved whatever we had.

I hate my parents for the number of time they made me stay awake till late at night, until I got a math concept down and then woke me up early to revise it but at the same time I remember that they too were awake with me, sitting beside my table (occasionally smacking the back of my head or making sharp comments), but they were awake despite having come from 10 hours of work and being dead tired. I also can't ignore that the fact such childhood was what made it possible to be able to give my last semester exams with 102 fever, in-between blood transfusions and constant saline drips and still score good.

So I understand how complicated relationship between Max and Jos could be and how you could be resentful but grateful at the same time. I would never be such a parents to

I truly believe people who take the line of “Jos should be burnt at the stake” were not in competitive environments as a child. Parents pour their hearts, souls, and money into their children’s passion, so yeah they get too involved and too personal and often too pushy. At a high level, more often than not they are too pushy. Because if your child comes to you and says they want something that only 0.00001% of people ever get (whether that’s an F1 seat, an Olympic medal, or a career in the arts) you are going to have to want it as much as they do in order for them to get there. Some days you will have to want it more than they do, because at 11 a kid isn’t going to want to be in a go kart every weekend. But at 20 they will be glad you made sure they were. So there’s that to start.

Similarly, like you said, for every moment you were up at 10pm wanting to sleep, so were they. For every time Max was driving a kart around in the rain, Jos was standing by the braking point coaching him. Jos drive back and forth from Italy in a van every weekend. Jos poured millions of his own money into his child. He gave up time with his daughter to be there for Max. He sacrificed his career for Max’s. Anyone can debate whether that was the right thing to do, but no one can argue that it is a small thing. And if Jos had done less than that, Max wouldn’t be where he is.

It’s a straight lie to say Max would be where he is without Jos, and people might feel better thinking it’s “in spite of him not because of him” because that’s easier to have the “moral high ground” if you look at it that way. People like a black and white story.

To me, it’s obvious that Jos absolutely adores Max and he tried to be the best father he could. Was he the perfect father? No. Was he even a good one? I guess that’s debatable. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his son. People like to think that loving someone means the rest of your relationship is going to be healthy, or hold up against the scrutiny of people who think they know better and that’s not the case. Love doesn’t fix anything. The same way being a parent doesn’t turn you into a person different than who you are.

Idk, as someone who had a dad who lived vicariously through me for a lot of his life, and wasn’t always kind, or even halfway decent, I can say that as an adult he is still the person I would trust most in the world in a crisis. He may not have gone about being a dad the right way because he didn’t have the emotional tools, there is no one in this earth who wants the best for me more than him. And as an adult, that’s actually the important part, because I’ve learnt to take on board what I need for him and leave the rest out. And I presume that’s at least partially where Max is with it. I do have a lot of resentment towards my dad, it’ll never feel good to look back and remember how much all those situations hurt as a child. But at the same time I’m happy with who I am, and I wouldn’t be the same person if my life had been different so…how much of that would I change? It’s not a straightforward answer.

At the end of the day, the only person Jos needs to square the past with is his kids, and he seems to have close relationships with them. His adult children seem to find value in having him in their lives and Max in particular feels he has a lot to thank his dad for, so idk why people think they know the situation better than the person who lived it. It’s wild to me how comfortable people are saying Max needs to cut off his dad when that’s so obviously not how he feels, as far as we know.

[countessklair]

i disagree with most of the fandom's takeaway from the episode. i want to preface this all by saying that i don't hate Nate and i think he's a very complex character with traumas and issues of his own that led to his whole new thing of 'evil' or whatever that Rupert's pushing him into further now, but still.

Nate knew what he was doing by destroying the sign. that's why he did it in the first place. he was angry and hurt and he wanted to cut the team and Ted, especially, very deep. so he destroyed the sign and left for 'the enemy' who'd offered him a job. he's been shit-talking them and their beloved coach Ted in the press all preseason and ostensibly all season so far.

and yes, the goldfish mentality and the 'let it flow' from episode one are very good for the team, and they've managed to ignore Nate shit talking post episode one, but they have every right to be furious with Nate. he essentially spat of the uniting element that makes them all better teammates, better players, better people. they used to be pretty not great people, bullying Nate being the biggest but only one of the examples therein, but the team's all changed their behavior and they learned and became better people. they respected Nate as a coach and as a fellow Greyhound and they supported and even loved him. and Nate betrayed them.

just the move to west ham i think they would have been supportive of. they wouldn't have held it against him for wanting a head coaching position. but the move, plus the shit talking, PLUS the ripping of the believe sign?? that's the betrayal. it's layered, and of course it cuts deep when the sign represents so much more than the word emblazoned on it. the sign has become a representation of Richmond itself. and they were already looking for answers, they would've figured out who ripped it eventually. i definitely think that they shouldn't have told the team at half-time, and i agree on the thing coach beard said about them overcorrecting and playing with hate, but still. i think the team has every right to be angry.

sometimes people forget that you have to FEEL your emotions in order to process them. and that more importantly it's ok and even GOOD to feel those emotions, and that feeling anger or hatred aren't necessarily 'evil' emotions. if someone hurts you and stamps and spits on your values and your beliefs, if someone you thought of as family betrayed you, that's not something you can just be a goldfish about or let it flow through you and pass you by. it's a deep cutting wound, and that's why Nate, in his fit of fury at the promotion, ripped the sign in the first place anyway. because he knew how deeply it would hurt them not only to have the sign defaced, but for it to be HIM doing it. the team is gonna have to process this and hopefully now that they have the initial fury all out they'll be able to deal with it in a healthy Ted Lasso show way we all love. also, ever since the introduction of Zava to the team, there's been a severe disconnect between the team and the Ted Lasso way: remember that scene in the locker room with Zava physically stepping in front of Ted every time he moved to try and look at the team?

i fully believe that Nate will get a redemption arc, and i fully believe he deserves one. but i don't think Nate fans remember sometimes that it's never a friend's job to always be stroking someone's ego and to be the personal caretaker of their mental health and social equilibrium, especially when that friend themselves have big, BIG issues going on in their personal life. Ted was never responsible for Nate's happiness and ego and he shouldn't be treated like he is. he recognized talent and he rewarded that talent accordingly and gave Nate a platform to grow on. Nate's paternal trauma didn't allow him to reach out and communicate with Ted about feeling left behind, and that sucks and it's not Nate's fault that he has those issues to contend with, but it's not the team or Roy's or Ted's fault either.

fact of the matter is, no one is the villain but Rupert. Nate made some hurtful choices that the people he hurt have every right to be upset over, and the biggest one - outing Ted's very private mental health issues (imo mental health issues being way way worse to out than physical health issues) isn't something anyone on the team but Ted and Beard and Trent are aware of. there will be a redemption arc, and i believe there will be forgiveness, but i don't know if Nate will ever come back to Richmond. I think maybe a fresh new start outside of both Richmond AND West Ham would be best for him, because he needs to get out from under Rupert, but i think there's just too much history at Richmond, even without factoring in Ted.

tl;dr: nate will get the redemption arc he needs and deserves but that doesn't free him of having to face the fact that he hurt people deliberately, that he needs to apologize. there has to be consequences for his actions. next episode i need there to be a 'come to jesus' moment for the whole team to process this hurt together and to get back on track with the Ted Lasso way.

also: the richmond team are all my angels and i love them dearly and i'm SO GLAD this episode had very little to do with Zava.

[lunar-years]

i think i remember you mentioned how jamie’s love confession to keeley had nothing to do with how he felt about her romantically and i’d love to hear more of your thoughts on it. jamie’s so strange throughout the ep, and considering it’s right after the man city confrontation with his father, it’s probably not too far of a stretch to say he’s thinking about his own father’s death and having a bit of an existential crisis himself. i think jamiekeeley is cute btw and i’m all for ot3 roykeeleyjamie! just wanted to pick your brain about this. and apologies if you’ve never posted about this and i’m remembering the wrong user

Hi! I’m pretty sure this wasn’t me who said it (but never say never because I sure say a lot on here, lol). However you might have still seen it on my blog, because I think I responded to an ask recently with the same opinion!

Regardless, my personal view on it is that Jamie was definitely speaking romantically, BUT I’ve seen a bunch of people think otherwise and it’s fun to explore different viewpoints so I'm gonna talk about my opinions on the funeral episode anyway lmao :)

I think the funeral is soooo interesting because Jamie AND Roy AND Keeley are all acting kind of strangely. Even when we figure how why Roy is being so odd (Grandad Emotions), but there's still whatever is going on between Jamie and Keeley. Because like, yeah, Jamie definitely should’ve 1) realized his boss' father's funeral wasn’t the time nor place for love confessions and 2) probably not done it regardless because, yes, it is kind of out of pocket to tell your ex-girlfriend you’re still in love with her when she’s currently dating someone else (who just so happens to be your current football coach who just helped you during a very traumatic experience)…like ohhh Jamie. Messy!! But I love mess. So therefore I did love this. 🤷‍♀️ However…the topic is not necessarily as ~coming up out of nowhere~ as it first seems, I think. Importantly, Keeley is also acting weirdly!!

I was staring at this gifset recently and thinking many a Keeley thought, and to be honest I think feelings and big emotions were being stirred up again on BOTH sides at that event. It’s interesting (and I think rings true to other insights we've gotten into her character) that as soon as things get a little dicey with Roy, Keeley starts looking outside her relationship, either for people to confide in (as she does when she tells everyone but Roy about the problems she’s having with Roy in Headspace) or to reflect on what she no longer has but is suddenly wondering if she might miss and possibly still want (her contemplative looks at Jamie at the funeral, “you look nice Jamie” etc…. Maybe this is an unpopular take, but I think Keeley is also feeling some type of way that day, about Jamie in particular. And yeah I definitely think that has an impact on why Jamie chooses then to confess to her. He's sensing a different vibe between them suddenly and is reminded, I need to do this.

The other reasons in Jamie’s head imo are 1) Jamie is just generally very open about most of his feelings and I think he’s coming at it from, a 'you should tell the people you love that you love them!' place, right or wrong 2) as he later tells Roy, the funeral made him uncomfy!! and AS YOU SAY yeah i do think there's definitely an connection between that and his dad abusing him in front of the whole team, which has just happened very recently. PERHAPS he is already Not Doing Great, and watching his boss who he doesn't really know act Weird during the eulogy for her Dead Father has him extra off-kilter. 3) as we learn in s3... his dad disappeared after Wembley. No calls, no texts. Nothing. Now, we don't have categoric evidence that this is unusual, but to ME James Sr. doesn't seem like someone who typically leaves well enough alone. I can definitely see Jamie still being freaked out over this very big thing that happened that his dad has got to be incredibly angry about. Perhaps there is still a part of him very much waiting for the other shoe to drop! Which is to say, I do think you're right that there's an element of existential crisis going on here.

Also, while I do personally think Jamie's confession is romantic in nature, I do not think it is conditional in intent. Jamie isn't telling her with the expectation that she's going to dump Roy immediately and tell him that oh yeah, she loves him too. Like, Jamie isn't an idiot. I think he does at the heart of it just want to thank her and he's been meaning to thank her for a while because she means SO MUCH TO HIM that it all has to come spilling out as some point. And a part of that love is romantic, yes, but he also loves her in so many ways. I think Jamie is perfectly content to put it out there and let her set the terms of their future friendship/relationship. Most important to him is that she knows.

So anyway, sorry this got so long and that it isn't really what your original question was about (for anyone who thinks the confession wasn't about Jamie loving her romantically, please feel free to chime in/reblog and add your thoughts!) but in summation, I think: Roy being upset about other things (Grandad) causes him to stir a fight with Keeley -> The fight with Roy causes Keeley to re-evaluate some things and part of her focus undeniably lands on Jamie -> Jamie senses something has changed between him and Keeley and because of that, in addition to the lingering aftershocks of a recent very traumatic experience, confesses he's still in love with her at a funeral.

Which is to say, as I DO always say here at lunar-years, these three's stories have always been irrevocably intertwined since the beginning (regardless of the ot3 as a ship) and the funeral is another example of that. Also it is totally crazy that we never get an explicit follow-up to Man City until episode 11 of the NEXT SEASON and that is one of my biggest grievances on season 2.