#when i dont ask them how they're doing they get upset and say i hate them but they dont talk to me

[glitter-alienz]

Im having a fuckass time thanks for asking besties <- (telepathically sending this to my 2 irl friends who never say "hi how are you?" )

[4thbrighteststar]

I wish I could listen to in between gracie abrams but it makes me genuinely actually sick to my stomach nauseous

[mystellenia]

ellie with a clumsy gf ୨ৎ

summary: how ellie cares for her clumsy girlfriend

content: nothing thats nsfw!! just ellie being a cutie concerned gf

notes: answer to this req!! SHES SO PUPU BABYGIRL IN THAT PIC I WANNA BITE HER JFWIBFJWKRJR. she's actually so beautiful i can't. entirely unrelated: idk how i feel about this... but i’m trying not to be like EW I HATE THIS FUCK THIS ITS SO BAD. like i dont even feel like that but we already know how i feel about this formatting. its growing on me tho

(wc 0.39k) so short i know guys i gotta dip my feet

constantly laughing but also concerned at how you manage to trip and bump and bruise yourself up on literal air

in apocalypse au, she's always been very aware of her surroundings bc of patrol and combat and stuff so she tries to keep you out of the way of things that she knows you'll bump into

always has an ice pack chilled and ready to go in the freezer in case you bump yourself real hard and it's sore because ice helps bumps not bruise right when you get them (looking at you guys clumsy ladies write that one down)

always warns you about things right as they're happening since you get into things SO FAST

like just as you're bumping into something or dropping an item she's blurting out, "wait! there's- a shirt on the floor"/"remember- that the washing machine door is open"/"baby, you're gonna drop that- just... like you did just now. you okay?"

always asks what you did to get a new bruise. she'll notice a new one and joke, "oh, what did you do this time?" and you'll respond, "i may have walked into the dishwasher while the door was down... but this one doesn't hurt that bad 😁" it's become like a little game

she's become sooo desensitized to any bump or bang sound in the house bc she knows its just you. not to say she doesn't care about you getting hurt--she immediately throws out a "you good?!" or "you need me?"--she just knows you know what to do: ice pack or heat compress. it's routine now.

read that low vitamin c levels make you bruise easily, so always has vitamin c rich snacks stocked up. oranges and strawberries and other fruits, always ready!

she's so stupid in love that she'll cut the fruits up into hearts or try nd make the most simple little animals with them from some mother of 3's tutorial on instagram reels and genuinely gets upset when she can't recreate them.

^ like you notice her absolutely maiming some apples and ask, "ummm why are you slicing and dicing that poor apple?" and she'll mumble, "it's supposed to be a stupid crab."

and for my ladies with darker skin where bruises aren't as visible or even just pale skin that just doesn't bruise easily, she's still just as concerned. and since there is no visible warning of a sore spot, she's hurriedly apologizing after pressing on a sore spot or laying on a tender patch.

@abbysbug @picklesarenice69

hello to my clitter critters. soooooooo erm sorry about going like basically inactive for like 2 weeks i got into the fight of a lifetime with my mother 😊 we still beefing 😊 dw tho when she's old and wrinkly i’ll have power of attorney and trust the cord WILL be plugged.

like i’m joking but as of now that bitch is an opp fr

but anywhoooo i’m back. and my dinosaur of a laptop had a health scare and i thought i was gonna have to plan a funeral for her but she went to the doctor (apple store) and she's all better. idk how it still works so well now bc my mom got this when obama was still president 😆 don't y'all worry tho this motherboard does nothing but purr we chillin (the fan turns on whenever there are too many graphics moving)

[dwaekkicidal]

Bro I honestly love your work fr. Anywayyyy

As a Chan biased person who is 5'9 I wanna know your thoughts on skz with a partner taller or older than them. Like who would be most likely to have a partner taller or older than them and who would be least likely<333

hehe ty

OT8 with Taller!S/O

Most

Felix & Han

100% Love it the most 😭They're the babies of the group (and i stand by this always!!) so they're gonna love feeling/being smaller than you

they love the cuddles soo much :( it makes their days better, whether theyre big spoon or little spoon (they prefer being little spoon with you but you'll never catch them complaining about being big spoon if you want it <3)

wont hesitate to ask for your help if they need to borrow your height (and 1,000,000% will sit there ogling you with a cheesy smile while you do so)

Changbin & Chris

are indifferent about it until they realize just how much they like it... (changbin especially lol)

live up to the whole "tall or short, i dont care!" mindset until that first time you really tower over them; be it helping them get something from on a high place or if you kabedon them, even if its a joke, it will trigger this "oh. thats new." feeling in them 😭

will act like they hate when they need you to help with something because theyre shorter than you, but looove when you help them like that :'') & bonus points if you condition them to getting a (forehead) kiss after getting something thats too high for them

Seungmin & Minho

are the ones to actually be indifferent about it and stay indifferent the whole time lol. i'd say they will definitely have their moments of, "oh fuck, maybe i do like being smaller sometimes.." but for the most part will just not care and will genuinely not notice

also can and will make fun of you for being taller than them,,, expect being called shit like "(My) Namsan Tower" 😭😭 BUT ALSO this is very endearing (at least imo) because Namsan tower has that area where people will put their and their lover's initials on a lock and put it on the fence "for forever" so in reality it might be a tease but its also one of their biggest & most discreet means of saying"I love you" ever :'')

would rather bust their asses climbing something than ask you for help

Jeongin & Hyunjin

I think they would like it the least, at first. and it's only because they're used to being the taller ones in the group and amongst some of their friends, so it'll feel foreign for them to spend so much time with and be so dedicated to somebody taller than them lol

that being said!! they both would quickly learn to love it; Hyunjin would eventually be indifferent about it most days, but would absolutely love it on those rarer occasions

meanwhile Jeongin would learn to love it as much as 2Chan😭 hes not huge on PDA as is so you won't see it "in action", but there will be times where you notice it. especially if he's had a rough day/week, he will come up to you with the biggest frown and ask to cuddle

and if you dont baby him + make him feel small/completely surrounded by you, he will pout even more (but probably wont blatantly say why he's still upset😭❤)

Least

in reality i would put Jeongin above 2min, but for the "not liking it in the beginning" im putting him with Hyunjin at the bottom :3

[transmascissues]

sorry about the out of nowhere ask but i thought id note something minor ive seen around: a lot of the time (especially on reddit) theres a lot of positivity for specifically trans women, and very little for trans men. and if a trans man/transmasc person tries to comment on that they get ridiculed for it. but then if someone posts transmasc positivity at all, people in the comments of that post will talk about how there "isnt enough positivity for trans women" despite the fact that most of the positivity posted is for trans women. i dont know, just something weird (it could also just be because reddit is kinda really different, environment-wise, but considering theres been similar things pretty much. everywhere else. yeah)

i do think a lot of this has to do with demographics – from what i've seen, reddit tends to have more trans women than trans men, so it doesn't surprise me to see more posts that are geared toward trans women there.

tl;dr because this got super long: people are right to say that there isn't enough positivity for trans women, but there also isn't enough for trans men. the fact that so many of us are ridiculed for trying to put more out there is the real problem.

at the end of the day, there really isn't enough positivity for any trans people because most of the world either hates us or wants to forget we exist. we have our little pockets of community where we support each other and lift each other up, but until the rest of society gets on board, it'll never be enough. so even in spaces where there's more positivity for trans women than for trans men, they're absolutely right to say there isn't enough positivity for trans women! and that's why i don't inherently have a problem with spaces like that – trans joy and positivity is always a good thing and always needed, and spreading that for part of the community doesn't take away from the rest of the community, it just means there's some of us are bit closer to getting the kind of love and support they deserve than they were before, and that's a good thing! you can't make everything for everyone, but if we all work at lifting each other up, eventually it'll all balance out and we'll all be better off for it. so if you happen to find a space that's for all trans people but tends to be more geared toward trans women when it comes to positivity, instead of getting caught up in how much positivity for trans women is already there, i think the best thing to do is to add positivity for trans men! we're the ones who lift each other up, so if we see a gap in the support, we're the ones with the power to step in and fill that gap.

and i can honestly understand why trans women in those spaces might get defensive or upset if someone points out the amount of positivity for trans women as if it's a bad thing, even if what that person is actually trying to say is just that they wish there was more for trans men too. i can't really blame anyone for that defensiveness because i feel the exact same way when people point out the amount of positivity for trans men&mascs here as if it's a bad thing, even though i know a lot of them are really just expressing in an imperfect way that they wish there was more for other trans people as well. wanting to defend those sources of joy in a world that offers us so few of them is only natural.

now, all of that being said, what i absolutely DO have a problem with is when that defensiveness gets to the point of attacking trans men's efforts to add positivity for ourselves as well. it perpetuates these false ideas that 1) there's only a finite amount of trans joy that can be expressed and we have to fight over it, and 2) trans men are currently hoarding that finite resource and are obligated to give it up entirely so that other trans people have a chance at getting it. obviously, both of those statements are deeply untrue – one part of the community getting support doesn't take anything away from other trans people because we should all be aiming for more support and positivity, not just redistributing the inadequate amount we currently have to more "worthy" subjects, and it's impossible to quantify how much support each part of the community gets because that's so dependent on the individual spaces you're looking at as well as what you're counting as support. and as much as i can understand feeling protective of our spaces, when that protectiveness leads us to turn on each other and push each other out of spaces that were supposed to be for all of us, that's taking it way too far.

and i also do think there's an attitude in a lot of trans spaces (and in more general queer/feminist/leftist/activist spaces) that trans men are a more acceptable target for that kind of ridicule because we're men and people in those spaces tend to already be very settled into this idea that there's never a bad time to tell men to sit down and shut up, even when the men in question are marginalized and trying to fight against their own oppression. if someone says "ugh there's too much positivity for trans women here," that's going to be met with a lot of people (rightfully) saying "hey, what the hell, man, that's super transmisogynistic." but if the same is said about trans men, those same people have no problem saying "i know, right? men love taking everything for themselves, it's the worst."

and that kind of attitude even extends to trans men simply creating positivity in spaces that don't have as much of it, even if they don't comment at all on the other kinds of positivity that might exist in that space. especially if we dare to add specific mentions of trans men onto an existing positivity post (which isn't actually a bad thing at all! adding more good to a good post doesn't take anything away from the original good!), we're met with a chorus of "wow, why do men always have to make everything about themselves, can't women have anything?" it's a perspective that groups us in with cis men as this privileged horde that talks over everyone else and seeks to dominate every space it enters, completely ignoring the fact that the image of loud domineering men they're invoking is based on cis(het white abled) men who've spent their whole lives being told they're the most important people in every room, which is very different from trans men who were brought up being taught to make ourselves small and be of service to more important people. they forget (or simply choose to ignore) that when we're loud about our needs and experiences and even our joy, it's not because taking up space was a practice passed down to us by our manhood, it's because we had to learn to be loud when we realized that staying quiet meant making it easier for the people who hate us to dispose of us without the rest of the world even noticing our absence.

all of that to say, i absolutely do think you've hit on a real issue here, i just don't think that issue actually has to do with the prevalence of positivity for trans women. it's a lot less about who gets more or less support in any given space, and a lot more about how those spaces react when the less represented groups start making their presence known. and yeah, a lot of trans spaces have some pretty damn awful reactions to trans men who literally just want to lift each other up and feel supported by our community in return.

[lewkwoodnco]

and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind - Lockwood x Reader

will you love me like you loved me in the January rain? will you love me like you loved me and I'll never ask for more.

and I never minded being on my own, then something broke in me and I wanted to go home to be where you are but even closer to you, you seem so very far and now I'm reaching out with every note I sing and I hope it gets to you on some Pacific wind wraps itself around you and whispers in your ear tells you that I miss you and I wish that you were here

I didn't choose this town. I dream of getting out. There's just one who could make me stay...all my days.

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST part 1: I Can See You

a/n: WOOOO almost a month since my last fic (tl;dr got terribly sick, got my a level results, scholarship apps, trying to decide what I wanted to do with my life until I remembered, oh, right, I hate doing that, so now its back to fic writing) anywaysss watched miss peregrines home for peculiar children while i was sick and omg. the end credits song??? deCEASED. anyways heres a fic inspired by that song which you should definitely listen to and i definitely wont cry if you dont cbnjvfkjva bye going to get chocolate cakee

warnings/tropes: reader (unexpectedly) missing lockwood desperately after moving away, pining for someone w every fiber of your being, handling grief (NO major character death tho), angst, no happy ending :/// but some snippets of humour!

word count: 6.3k! (my longest fic yet!)

"You won't believe what they're doing at Fittes."

 She slid into a seat at Portland Row's kitchen table, oblivious to the fact that she had just stolen George's seat. George glared at Lockwood for a minute, who looked appropriately sympathetic yet slightly distracted, before picking another seat.

"Hi Y/N, how nice to see you. Again. For the third time this week. Please, make yourself at home."

"Oh, Georgie, you're so sweet." She was too distraught to pick up on George's sarcastic tone or his eye roll, though Lockwood spared him an apologetic glance. She slammed a letter onto the table, upsetting the salt and pepper shakers, which Lockwood started curiously scanning. "Unlike my daft supervisors."

There was always a flurry of activity whenever she visited Portland Row. She somehow always had so much to say, and she had to say it within the first five minutes of her being there. That usually meant Portland Row's own activities would come to a brief halt, but her news was more often than not too entertaining to incite many grievances from the inhabitants.

After their joint case involving Winkman, Lucy and George had felt the air shift between them, in a way they couldn't quite put their finger on. Something had obviously happened, especially since she had started stopping by Portland Row. They'd exchange a few obligatory insults, share the highlights of their week, and somehow not bite each other's faces off. Over time, the insults faded into the background, but they still threw in the occasional jab when things started seeming too friendly. Why they were still pretending to get into tiffs when Lockwood had slipped her a spare key was completely lost on George and Lucy. 

One unfortunate consequence was they became stuck in this weird limbo. Neither friends nor enemies, but something more rather than in between. And yet, some part of them always hesitated, and so they remained as the two singular, lonely entities they had always been. That wasn't to say they didn't have it in their hearts to feel appropriately outraged for the other when the circumstances called for it.

"Layoffs?”

"Layoffs!"

"What the hell are they laying you off for?"

"Exactly! Never mind that my team has the lowest mortality rate, or that we've never caused destruction worth any more than 500 pounds - no offence, Lockwood."

"Er, yes. At least they're giving you a decent severance package."

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say, and this time the egg cups went down as well.

"Overrated ass agency with fuck ass headquarters in the middle of London that I never wanted to spend the rest of my career at anyway, fuck Fittes bitch fucking Rotwell's wannabe-“

"What about Kipps?"

Her face twisted and the others braced for impact a third time. "If they don't put his head on the chopping block, I will-"

After a few cups of tea and a few more rounds of nonsensically excessive swearing, she had finally gotten her disappointment under control.

"Maybe a little rapier practice will take your mind off things?"

She pulled a face. "But my shoulder's so tired."

"Your shoulder's been tired for three weeks now. If your break goes on any longer you'll forget everything I've taught you about grips."

"Aw. Oh no."

"Yes, yes, you're very funny."

"What a tragedy."

"You could at least try to pretend like you care."

"I care! I so care. Of course I care. I've got the hottest instructor this side of the Thames."

"Only on this side of the Thames?"

"Yeah, 'cause he's also a dork ass loser who wears confetti-coloured socks."

Still, she joined him in the basement for a little bit of practice, just to refresh her memory. After that, they tried to venture into some basic lunges, which was where things started going downhill again.

"It's no use." She drove her rapier into the stand and started pulling her wrist brace off, despite Lockwood's deflating encouragement. She sat propped up against the wall, frustratedly combing through her sticky hair. "I'm hopeless at this. Maybe Fittes did know what they were doing when they laid me off."

Lockwood sighed. He put away his own rapier and joined her on the floor. "You're not the only employee they've dismissed. You just got...unlucky."

"Now I feel worse."

"My point is, things will start looking up once you move on." He fiddled with her wrist brace. hesitating. "You do know what to do next, don't you?"

She sighed. "I'll start sending out applications tomorrow. There's this agency in Canterbury I've worked with before. Maybe they'll consider having me full-time."

If she notices Lockwood being mildly taken aback, she doesn't remark on it. He manages some strangled response of approval, and their rapier practice session ends there. It's too late for her to return home by then, so they wash up and get ready for bed. It's clear the day has taken a sizeable chunk out of her when she almost immediately falls half-asleep. Lockwood worries over their conversation in the basement. He glances at her relaxed face. Yeah, she was probably still awake.

"Y/N. Y/N."

"Mm."

"You awake?"

"Mhm."

"I just wanted to tell you that...I was perfectly serious that time. When I said you could come work for me. In case you were wondering. Y/N?"

She doesn't respond, and after a few minutes, her breathing evens out again. He isn't sure if she's heard her, and is even less sure why she's doing everything in her power to stay away from Lockwood & Co.

One cold, January morning, she had been at the Archives with Lockwood & Co. where they were doing some research on their latest joint case. By the time that January morning had turned into a chilly January afternoon, George was telling Lockwood off for leaving one of the maps behind at Portland Row. Naturally, Lockwood was sent to fetch the missing materials, who, not-so-naturally, enlisted her help. 

As reluctant as she may have appeared to join Lockwood on this errand, she rested her buzzing head against the soothing, cold glass of the cab gratefully. She had been a little distracted all morning; working at a slower pace, fiddling with the large volumes disinterestedly, staring off into space. She was simultaneously irritated and relieved that Lockwood had noticed. She stared out at the foggy streets of London with her own foggy eyes, trying to make sense of the day.

She had decided to wait on their front porch while Lockwood nipped in to get the papers. While waiting, a sharp rap on their tin awning startled her. Peering up at the sky, she watched the first raindrops of that January shower land in Portland Row's garden. Soon enough, it started to pour generously. The delicate, almost curious winter daffodils drooped their heads under the violent force that was the rain coming down in sheets. In the grey of the clouds and the streets, their yellow petals made her dream of something half-happy.

Tentatively, she walked down the path and stepped into the garden. And then another step. And then another. She was frolicking in the rain for the first time in her life, and there was no one around to stop her.

She felt the rain pause, and turned to see Lockwood holding an umbrella over the two of them. She wrapped her fingers around his on the handle and, with a bit of difficulty, closed the umbrella over their heads. It was only a matter of seconds before the heavy raindrops started weighing his coat down and flattening his otherwise perfectly coiffed hair. She watched the hues of curiosity and amusement shift in his eyes, all of them tinged with the mauve of love. She watched him love her wholly, unabashedly, asking for nothing.

She felt sorry for ruining Lockwood's nice clothes only for a moment, before throwing her arms around his neck, clutching him a little stronger than what was strictly necessary. Papers forgotten, rain soaken, daffodils smitten…she never wanted it to end.

And that was when her life started to fall apart. Being laid off by Fittes had drastically changed their dynamic, and hardly for the better. It was no longer banter from one agent to another - it was one agent and the bad habit he had picked up over the months, one he didn't seem too keen on kicking anytime soon. She didn't ask to stay, and he didn't ask her to leave. And so she spent the rest of her days of unemployment at Portland Row, helping out however she could, filling out and mailing her applications.

Which brought her to her next problem - letters of recommendation.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, reading through the advertisements in the newspaper while nervously shredding its bottom corner. She didn't even look up when Lockwood placed her mug of tea in front of her. He shifted it right on top of the ad she was picking apart.

"Oh. Thanks."

"How's the job search going?"

"Not good." She sighed. "A lot of them require a letter of recommendation."

He slid into the seat next to hers, resting his chin on the back of the chair. "I'll write you a letter of recommendation."

"From my previous employer."

"So? Go over to Fittes and ask for one."

"I don't know," she said, disintegrating the final scraps of newspaper. "Seems a little awkward to go back there after they laid me off."

Lockwood took a look at his watch. "I've got a client meeting at 2, so we should leave after breakfast."

He was already climbing out of his chair and talking to George about the stove misbehaving again by the time her brain caught up. "Hang on, we?" 

Lockwood seemed to very conveniently not hear her. "Y/N, if you're not going to drink your tea, we should leave now."

She crammed the last of her toast into her mouth while shrugging her coat on, and joined him outside where he was counting out some coins in his hand.

"Should be just enough for the two of us."

"Just enough for what?"

"The bus. Lovely day, isn't it?"

The trip to Fittes was one of the worst she'd had in her life. She almost felt ashamed for getting laid off and was driving herself crazy obsessing over it. Halfway through she felt a warmth settle over her hand, and glanced down to see Lockwood's palm covering her own. He was looking out the window as if nothing had even happened, and she was looking at him. She couldn't quite tear her eyes away from the sight.

When they reached, she went up to the customer service counter while Lockwood hung back. He looked around the first-floor lobby languidly, watching everyone hurry about their da- hang on, was that Barnes coming out of a conference room? 

Lockwood smiled at him while Barnes averted his gaze and started walking out a little faster. Yes, that was most definitely Barnes. He started walking towards him and was just about to call out when he was interrupted by a slightly heated voice coming from the customer service counter.

"What do you mean you don't offer letters of recommendation?!"

A few days after they were almost-but-not-really kicked out of the Fittes headquarters, she and Lockwood were in the library reshelving some books a little before lunchtime. George and Lucy were in the kitchen, so for a while all that could be heard was the smooth sounds of books being pulled off and being put onto the shelves. Lockwood glanced at her and cleared his throat, forcefully injecting a certain nonchalance into his voice.

"I was talking to Barnes the other day."

"Hmm?"

"I think I managed to convince him that we're a big enough agency now to need health insurance."

"Health insurance? Well, don't tell George, or he'll fling himself off the roof at the first chance."

Lockwood stifled a laugh, turning it into a cough though his voice was still comically strained. "Don't go giving him any ideas, now." 

They continued rearranging the books in silence until he steeled himself enough to pick up the conversation again.

"So, what I wanted to say was...if you wanted to join Lockwood & Co... you wouldn't have to worry about your mother. Not anymore."

She paused her shelving and frowned at him. "Why do you want me to join Lockwood & Co. so badly?"

"I think you'd be...a valuable member of our team."

So close, yet so far from the few words she wanted to hear. Please join us, Y/N. Forget about all these other agencies. I'd miss you more than I could bear if you left. Go on. Say it.

"Is that all?"

"I...I suppose."

She turned back to their task, disappointed. "I've been wanting to leave London for a while now. To get out, explore...see what's out there."

He stilled for a moment, before bowing his head regretfully. "I see."

 Ask me to stay. Please.

They were sitting cross-legged in the garden on Lockwood's coat, the winter daffodils now resting their tired heads on their knees. She squinted up at the sky, now that the rain had come down to a light drizzle.

"My mum never let me go out in the rain." She smiled bitterly at him. "The rest of my friends would go out into the street in their...raincoats...wellingtons...and I'd watch them from the kitchen window. She always said I'd fall sick. And I'd always think...how terrible would it really be if I did?" 

She stared at the ground and tried very hard not to cry. "I was a kid. I just...I just wanted a bit of fun." She pressed a shaky hand to her eyes, then dragged it up to her forehead. "And now, all I want..." 

The silence filled in for the words she didn't say.

"I never thought I'd miss that."

She glanced at his face anxiously, trying to gauge his reaction. In a way, she mused, Lockwood, and whatever this was, was not all that dissimilar from the rain. It was some wish for a sickness for a fleeting moment of peace. A fleeting moment of being wanted.

He blinked away the raindrops weighing on his eyelashes. "You won't have to. She'll be alright."

"How do you know?"

He stared at a limp daffodil, whose head was being cradled by the bend of his knee, and sighed. "I don't. But some things you just have to...believe."

"I'm sick of believing."

"Then I'll believe for you."

She never knew what it was like to have someone hold onto faith when she couldn't. To have someone hold her up when her knees were buckling under her, to do what she wasn't strong enough to do herself. She cleared her throat, suddenly embarrassed. 

"You don't have to do that."

"Someone's got to do it. I'll do it for you."

It was around this point that Lockwood suddenly started getting a lot busier. He somehow never had the time to stay in the same room as her for longer than a minute, and any short passing conversations they shared felt stunted. Other than a cursory smile when they passed each other in the hallways, Lockwood seemed further to her than ever, with his cool demeanour that was somehow forever occupied with matters greater and more important than her.

After a few days of struggling with her applications on her own, Lucy suggested that she pay a visit to DEPRAC for a letter of recommendation. Thankfully, her request for the letter was successful, but her joy was short-lived, barely lasting the bus ride home.

She watched the hopelessly in love couples on the bus whisper to each other, hold hands or even just enjoy each other's company in silence. There was a guy with his hair styled in an unnervingly familiar way. It triggered a sick image of Lockwood sitting on this very bus, next to a girl with lazily attractive eyes and hair prettier than hers could ever be. It made her feel nauseous.

When she returned to Portland Row, she walked around the seemingly empty house, perplexed, until she finally found the three of them pouring over a large book in the library. Lockwood was fiddling with the shirt sleeves folded at his elbows and was the first to glance up as she gently pushed the door open.

"Hey," she smiled at them faintly, avoiding Lockwood's gaze, trying to keep the worry gnawing at her synapses at bay. She stepped inside, 

leaning over the huge book, tracing the letters with her eyes interestedly. 

"Is that the -" 

Lockwood slammed the book shut, cutting her off and sending Lucy into a coughing fit over the dust it released.

"Y/N! Find your way to DEPRAC alright?"

 It was a heavy book, she kept repeating to herself, of course it was going to take quite an effort to close it. However, from the way his forearms flexed aggressively as he stuffed the book back into its cloth cover, she wasn't entirely convinced.

"...yes. I took the bus."

"Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?" The three of them exchanged a look while Lockwood firmly tucked the book in. The grey skies peeking through the curtains looked hardly lovely. George finally caved, glaring at Lockwood.

"We were just finalising our plan for next week's case."

"I used to draw up mission plans for my team at Fittes. Maybe I could -"

"I think we're fine." Lockwood crossed his arms, his expression unnaturally surly and his jaw set in a way that gave her a sinking feeling. George threw the book at him, who only barely managed to catch it at the last second. 

"Told you we should have waited for her."

Unfortunately, matters refused to ease up over the next week. And so she somehow learned to live without him. One morning, she decided to get an early start to the day since she was going to be accompanying Lucy to the DEPRAC headquarters to submit some company paperwork. She paused at the foot of the stairs when she heard a bit of a ruckus in the kitchen, followed by some soft swearing. She crept towards the kitchen to see Lockwood scrambling to gather up an upturned first aid kit while a dark red patch swelled on his socks, still in the same attire as when he left for a solo case the previous evening.

He looked at her furiously, trying to hide his injured ankle behind the kitchen table. He seemed to become further incensed by her helping to set the first aid kit right. "Leave it. I can do it on my own."

"I'm only trying to help! Don't look at me like that, you got yourself hurt in the first place."

He spoke emphatically through gritted teeth. "I don't need your help."

"Lockwood, your sock is nearly soaked through with blood. So shut up."

Maybe the blood loss was starting to catch up to him, but for once, Lockwood did as he was told. He certainly wasn't happy about it, but he allowed her to peel back his sock and wince at the sight of the wound. As she cleaned and dressed the injury, she couldn't help but be reminded of old times when they would snap at each other, her more than him, whenever they were within ten feet of the other. It was almost nostalgic but slightly worrying to be back to square one.

When he could hold himself back no longer, he pried the bandage roll out of her hands with an unexpected gentleness, shakily winding it messily around his ankle. When he was done, she put it away with the first aid kit, and when she returned, his nose was buried in the day's paper, once again as distant as an island.

Soon after that, George and Lucy joined them for breakfast, and George almost immediately picked up on 

"Lucy, George won't leave me alone!"

"Lockwood's a pent-up git that never says what he feels!"

Lucy gave them a sidelong glance. "...right. Y/N, ready to -?"

Eyes watering, she chugged the last of her tea and clambered out of her chair, but Lockwood beat her to it. He folded the newspaper sharply, and straightened from his seat, albeit a tad unsteadily.

"No need. I'll come with you, Luce." She and Lucy exchanged a glance, and she slowly sunk back down into her seat. Lucy took in the ectoplasm on his trainers, his slightly charred shirt and the purple under his eyes.

"Are you sure? You look a little...tired."

"I've been out all night. One more trip isn't going to kill me." He patted Lucy firmly on the shoulder, his grip looking a little painful as he swayed imperceptibly, voice trailing off as he started shuffling towards the door.

His limp was unmistakable now, but the three of them knew better than to question him when he was in a mood like this, with his uneven voice and rough words dangerously close to becoming slurred. "Come now," he was saying, "let's not bother Y/N with Lockwood & Co. matters." His shifty eyes finally settled on her for the first time that morning, but she didn't like the brooding spite behind them. "Not when she has all these important applications to fill out."

The silence that followed prickled uncomfortably. Lucy scoffed and stepped out, Lockwood following her determinedly. There was some muffled argument in the hallway, then the sound of the front door opening and closing, and then silence once more. She stared at the dregs of her tea stonily, hating the way her face burned with shame. When she finally looked up, George had left, but there was a sympathy jammy dodger within reach.

It was getting dangerously close to half an hour in the rain, yet still the heavens beat down on them ruthlessly. They had retired to the front steps just outside the awning, now almost completely drenched. She shuffled her feet nervously, trying to scrounge up some warmth, while the rain flowed down Lockwood's nose freely. He was staring at the rich dark earth at his feet, like he had forgotten where he was, his coat long forgotten. She stood up and jabbed him between the shoulder blades sharply, making him snap his head up.

"It's getting cold. I'm going inside." Lockwood blinked, raindrops decorating an eyelash or two, and nodded after a moment. She sighed impatiently.

"Don't you want to come inside too?"

"...I'm not cold."

"No, but you'll fall sick if you stay out any longer."

He rubbed his face wearily, his back muscles shifting mechanically under his translucent shirt. "I'll be alright."

She bristled instinctively. The raindrops somehow got even louder as they pelted the tin awning. "I'm serious, Lockwood."

"So am I."

"Then come inside before you catch something awful."

"I'll come inside when I want to."

The torrential downpour continued unabated, viciously attacking their home's exterior. The rapping of the raindrops against the tin rung in her ears like anger.

"Why must you be so stubborn?"

He finally looked up to meet her eyes, his own filled with a despair she had rarely seen. "I want to be alone."

It was the night of the big case that Lockwood & Co. had been preparing for for a week now, but two of its three members had come down with the most awful stomach bug she had seen. Apparently, there was something off with Arif's doughnuts that day, and now Lucy and George were down with food poisoning. She was in her room, listening to Lockwood wear down the floorboards outside her room with all his pacing. Finally, he stopped in front of her door, and after a moment, gave a short knock.

"Come in."

He opened the door to reveal a fully decked-out Lockwood extensively decorated with flares and lavender. She raised her eyebrows.

"Wow. That is...wow."

"George and Lucy are down with food poisoning," he began impatiently, "and I could really use an extra pair of eyes." He softened his stance at the critical look in her eye, taking on a more apologetic demeanour. "...please."

"But I don't even know how to use a rapier."

"Not much room for one, anyway. It's a two-room cottage."

She toyed with the idea of saying no. The idea of watching the hope in his eyes flicker out, of watching him go do the job...alone...without anyone's help...without anyone to help him if he got injured, or worse-

"Fine. I'll meet you downstairs in two minutes."

The cab was waiting for them by the time she was hurrying down the stairs, and she flipped through the summarised research report on the way there. She winced at the circled deduction that the Visitor was likely a Fetch, which Lockwood picked up on.

"Is something wrong?"

"...no." With some difficulty, she tore her eyes away from the report and closed the file. In all her years of experience, Fetches were the one Visitor that she still struggled with. It didn't help that her encounters with them had been few and far between. She glanced at Lockwood, who was staring out the window coolly as if barely nonplussed by the anticipation of coming face-to-face with one of the most dangerous Visitor types.

The taxi driver was quite a bit intimidated by Lockwood's superfluous attire, and so refused to go any further than the foot of the hill at the top of which the cottage was located. As they lugged their equipment up the hill, she felt her frustration towards Lockwood swell and swell until it finally reached a breaking point. She dropped the duffel bag she was carrying with a clatter, making Lockwood stop and turn around to face her.

"What's wrong?"

"Why have you been so off lately?"

His features hardened and his jaw set like it had so many times before. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Obviously."

He stared at her hard, before dropping his own duffel bag. The tension over the past two weeks had clearly come to a head and it was happening right there on the hill in near-darkness. "I thought we were a team."

"We are."

"Well, it sure as hell doesn't feel like it."

"I just want to be independent."

"No, you don’t. You want to be alone."

“That's not true!” She hesitated. "That's not fair." At that moment, she felt so terribly small and insignificant, in a way she hadn't felt since having a particularly cruel supervisor in her first year of being an agent. Her eyes prickled unpleasantly, and she was suddenly engulfed with memories about that January shower. Oh, no, she thought. He was never going to hold her like that again. 

She shook her head as if trying to shake some sense into herself. "I don't...I don't want to be a burden. I can do this on my own."

"You want to do this on your own."

"How could you possibly think that?"

“All I see is someone too scared to stick their neck out for something real for once in their life."

“What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't think you know what you're running from!"

She looked around in despair as if searching for some way to make him understand. "I'm not running from anything."

He stepped closer to her, and it was all she could manage to not burst into tears with his face twisted something ugly with hurt.

"You're running from me."

I'm not, she wants to say, but the words get caught in her throat. The silence rings out harshly between the two of them until Lockwood picks up his bag and resumes the trek uphill. After a moment or two, she follows him.

When they reach inside, they go through the motions of setting up their chains and investigating the areas of the Visitor's appearance, the way they've done hundreds of times before. Eventually, they split up and pace their corresponding rooms, the malaise growing stronger in the air by the minute.

After an hour or so, she felt it. A prickling in the hairs at the back of her neck. Waves of nausea washed over her and she felt paralysed by fear. She knew that when she turned, she'd be faced with something too terrible to comprehend. But she's too weak to brave seeing something so terrible, and so she doesn't turn. At that moment, she unravelled, and covered her eyes with her hands like a child, gasping with sobs that she struggled to suppress.

Suddenly, the cold breathing down her neck was replaced by intense heat as the hiss of a flare eating through a Visitor filled her ears. She felt rough hands desperately clutching her wrists and peeked through her fingers to meet Lockwood's panic-stricken gaze. Panic-stricken over her. His eyes shifted to the Visitor behind her and lobbed another flare at it in the nick of time. 

She started creeping along the walls, running her hands over every nook and cranny until she came across a picture frame radiating strong feelings of anxiety. She scrambled for the iron still folded in her pocket and threw it over the frame. The Visitor instantly evaporated, leaving Lockwood staring at the corner it had just been occupying with a haunted look in his eyes. When he had regained proper control of his senses, he turned to her.

"I didn't know-"

"I thought I'd be able to manage it, okay?" She avoided his gaze. "I'm sorry. Can we just go h- go back now?"

The ride back was somehow even quieter than the ride there, both of them burdened by thoughts that would clearly never see the light of day. He paused at the hat stand near the front door while she shrugged her coat off.

"Y/N-"

"I think I'll go to bed now. Goodnight, Lockwood."

She cut past him brusquely, heading straight for her room, though it would be many hours before the buzzing in her head quieted enough for her to fall asleep. As she got undressed, her mind drifted back to when Lockwood was standing right in front of her, holding her wrists with a long-forgotten gentleness, and the close shave with the Fetch. Too close of a shave. Tonight could never happen again. She had to make sure of it.

Over the next few days, their relationship returned to being suspiciously amicable. Perhaps it wasn't as glaringly obvious to the others with the distraction of their stomach bug, but George's squint at her when she handed him a glass of water was enough to see that he was onto them.

She had been in the basement polishing their iron chains when Lockwood knocked on the door. She put the chains down for a moment as he pulled out a minimalistic envelope.

"This just came for you in the mail."

It had the address of one of the agencies she had applied to written on it. She nervously ripped it open and started scanning the contents before she remembered where she was. She looked at Lockwood, who had a cool expression of polite curiosity.

"So? Did you get it?"

"They want me to start next week." Lockwood's lips curved into a half-smile, and it was the first smile he'd given her in weeks that reached his eyes.

"That's...that's amazing. You deserve it. That is, if you're going to accept it."

"It's a rather decent offer. Think it would be quite a shame to pass it up. Don't you?"

He gave a slight pause. "Of course. Yes."

"...but?"

He shook his head and gave a short laugh. "It's...it's silly." He was staring at a patch of grease on the floor which he was very focused on rubbing out with his shoe. "I've known you for...for as long as Lockwood & Co.'s been around." He looked up from the floor to meet her gaze, his eyes open and honest. 

"I don't know if I can do this without you."

She looks into his flighty brown eyes and drinks in as much as she can of him. Next week, she'll be in a different town, at a new job, meeting new people until he becomes just a distant memory, some dream she had once upon a time, and she'd be freed from her shackles of longing. But now, in his eyes she sees the two of them spinning round and round, forever together in a January shower in some universe.

"I should start packing."

Her goodbyes were fairly uneventful. They exchanged promises to write, to keep in touch. Lucy and George waved her off from their front door. Lockwood didn't come down from his room. Now she was in her new home, miles away from any feelings that may have tethered her from Portland Row, and all that was left to do was sit and wait and try to forget.

Except. Except.

Here she was, lying on her bed with an all too familiar weight on her chest. Those feelings she had promised to bury with the winter daffodils were here - travelled miles to plague her mind with restless thoughts of which nothing could ever come. How was it that all this distance only made her crave Lockwood even more? He stained her mind and hung from her lips like a broken promise, like an unheard prayer. It was there when she woke up, it was there when she went to sleep, it laid next to her and embraced her like a lover till she couldn't breathe.

Three months later, she still hasn't moved on and has almost entirely given up on any hope for sleep. She replays her memories of him like a tired VCR, and every night the image grows fainter and fainter. What, exactly, did his voice sound like? Did he have dimples? He had a scar on his collarbone, she was fairly sure. But how did he get it? She waits for the sky to light up for those few short hours after her work for the day, but be it day or night, the sadness remains.

For years she had been so strong, so tough, so ready to do anything and to do it alone. Too independent to even work properly with his agency. But after meeting Lockwood, it all felt like a farce, like she had just been pretending and hoping and closing her eyes through as many horrors as she could handle until she finally reached her breaking point. Something had snapped in her soul - some ill-gotten desire to fasten herself to him from the moment she had kissed him after Winkman's. To have him be her home.

Even so, she still had a job to do, so she carried these feelings around with her. There was this one particular case where her team was tasked by the city council to clear out an old, abandoned mansion of any Visitors. She had been creeping through the third floor when she saw him standing there, in the shard of moonlight peeking through the rafters. Lockwood was standing mere feet in front of her, sleeves rolled up to his elbows without his coat, whole and uninjured.

"Lockwood!" She closed the distance between them. "What are you doing here?"

He turned to face her, smiling mildly as if she had done nothing more than greet her. Y/N, he was saying. His voice reverberated differently than what she was used to, but she put it down to the weird acoustics of the mansion. 

Why did you leave me?

"...what?"

Why did you go away? You've made me sick with worry.

"I...I have?"

Day in, day out, you're all I think about.

"No...no, that can't be right. That's me, not you."

Are you sure? Think harder. What do you remember about me?

"I don't know, I don't know. Why are you doing this, Lockwood?" Something was very, very wrong. What was he of all people doing here, and why weren't his lips moving when he talked?

How can you be so in love with me if you can't even remember me?

I do! I do remember you! Please don't say I don't.

Why'd you leave me, Y/N?

"Wha...what? I didn't - no - I didn't mean to leave you-"

I wanted you to stay.

"Then you should have TOLD ME!"

But I did tell you.

It still hadn't fully clicked in her brain, but she gleaned enough to tell that this wasn't Lockwood. Some obscene bastardisation of him, perhaps, but nothing of any real substance. She walked back a few steps, keeping her eyes trained on him, and against her better judgement threw a flare at him. It hit the centre of his chest, which began to fizzle up and corrode away at the figment until there was nothing left but the dying embers reflected in her misty eyes. He had looked...so solid. So real. Real enough for her to believe. Oh god, how badly she wanted to believe.

That night, she had barely pulled off much of her excess gear before slumping into bed, which she did not leave for the next three days. Obviously, that hadn't been Lockwood, it was a Fetch. But it only had her memories to work off of. What was it that had happened that made her feel like he had told her to stay? She drove herself mad picking apart every interaction she had had with him since she was 13. What did she miss? Where was the mistake?

Maybe she was just hoping for a mistake.

I miss you. I wish you were here - not miles away in London, here, beside me. I wish it was you lodged in my chest instead of this acrid longing. I'm the one who can't do this without you. Please come back to me. I'm so tired of being strong. Please come save me. I need you here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here. I wish you were here.

TAGLIST: @mitskiswift99 @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @snoopyluver20 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @avdiobliss @ahead-fullofdreams @neewtmas @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

P.S. until I changed my mind at the very last minute this WAS going to have a happy ending I wrote it out and everything but then deleted and Grammarly won't let me ctrl z my way out of this :(((

[miiilowo]

i feel like theres not a lot of great resources out there so i figured id just ask -- how would you recommend ways of living with/helping out someone else with npd? :)

youre right! most of the time when u look up NPD stuff its "THE ABUSER DISORDER: KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT AND DISABLE NARC DEFENSES SO THEY CANT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU" which isnt. Great

all it really comes down to is listening to them n addressing their needs if they've communicated them to you. ill try to simplify it so i dont get too into details, though i will likely fail, and most of this advice will be based off my experiences, so idk how much itll apply to whoever ur talking about BUT:

generally (and w me especially) you can safely say that NPD mostly has to do with ego dysregulation. Our [as in myself and people w npd] mental health and general happiness tends to rely on how people perceive us, and if that perception is anything but positive, we feel like poopy doo doo dogshit. we kinda need to be paid attention to in a way that feels meaningful, yknow? compliment them, make sure theyre included in conversations (esp group ones), and try not to ignore em in any way. if youre talking to them and youre busy, for example, make sure you include that detail so they don't feel like youre brushing them aside. stuff like that. if they make art, and you genuinely like it, try going into detail as to why, whether its the colors or linework or what have you. if they write, tell them what you liked about the story or poem, etcetera. Tag them in stuff that reminds you of them if you have their socials, or send them things, show it to them, whatever.

lots of us tend to actually be very insecure, even if it doesn't seem that way, which might be important to keep in mind. sometimes we can get whats referred to as "narc crashes" (im not particularly a fan of the term narc, though theres nothing actually wrong with it, so ill just call it an NPD crash) where for whatever reason, we go from feeling great and secure in our egos and our stability and happiness and security to falling 600 feet down directly into hell no recovery absolutely awful 0% joy 0% light 100% agony. dogs with human teeth screaming at you and shit its really just no good. calling you a dunderhead

they usually (though not always!) come after a high where we feel fantastic, and most commonly the cause of a crash is we get hurt by someone, humiliated, or made to feel lesser in some significant way. for me, they're the worst when i no longer feel confident that people like me, and i become incredibly worried everybody secretly hates me. which is a very very very awful train of thought to be experiencing when you have the "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LIKE ME NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" disorder. so if ur friend seems depressed or upset make sure to ask whats going on and bump up the praise and stuff up a notch. its the best way to recover for Me, at least. crashes dont have a consistent like. timeframe? i think it highly depends on the severity of what happened and whats being done to fix it, though im certainly no psychologist lmao

i feel like when folks w npd Are mean or unfair its because their needs arent being met, theyre doing awful, and they need support so they dont desperately lash out for it. god knows thats the case for me. thats another thing thats important to keep in mind i think

a lot of traits of NPD aren't pretty, and thats just a fact of the matter. its a disorder for a reason and all. even if we dont express the almost inherently negative traits all the time (usually because we are aware they are unfair to other people), its very likely that we are feeling them, and it does erode your brain after a while. The DSM-5 list of traits is probably the best way to go for this, as per this government website:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and with lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.

Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).[milo note: its hard for me to find something specific to make bold in this definition, but generally, i do not express that i think that i am better than other people even if i think it]

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations.

Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes."

Ive bolded the ones that would negatively affect people that, I, at least, try not to express but still feel, or feel the desire to do, near constantly.

As you can see, thats a pretty hefty chunk of them! I'm sure some people could take problem with every trait listed here, in which case they can suck my whole dick, but those are the ones I've noticed upset people the most, or make relationships the most difficult. I bring these up because if someone does express these, you need to keep in mind it is because of a personality disorder. That doesn't always make them acceptable, and if they are really upsetting, you should talk to them about it, but thats just like. basic relationship shit lmao. just try to be an eensy bit forgiving

Though the MAIN reason I wanted to bring up the traits is due to the 'entitlement/unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment/compliance' one. This can manifest in a whole lot of ways, but it is genuinely infuriating when someone ignores what i want them to do/what ive asked them to do/etc, especially if its for a reason that doesnt 'feel' solid enough, like them just not wanting to do it. it can be incredibly frustrating if someone with npd says they need something from you or want you to do xyz and it doesnt happen, so try your best to listen to them. if you cant do what they desire for whatever reason, make sure thats clear, and why. Most of us will recognize we're being unfair, but will still be mad; Just know its not because of you, its because of the disorder, and most people will not hold it against you because they're aware its unreasonable in some fashion.

i think thats like. the main things when it comes to meeting the needs of someone w NPD. to summarize and dumb it down:

make sure to compliment them in meaningful ways, especially when you really mean it

pay attention to them; try to prioritize them in conversation and such. it feels very nice. dont ignore them for the love of god

keep the crashes in mind, and try to uplift your friend as much as you can. reassure them you care about them, maybe not directly by saying "i care about you" but with your actions in general

listen to them and adapt to their needs as best as you can

remember that if they are being unpleasant its probably because of The Disorder and they are not doing well. dont let anyone be a prick to you but try to be kind. everybody goes through shit

if anyone has anything to add, or if you have any followup questions, feel free to ask ^_^ i very much didn't cover everything here, and again, this is mostly based off of my experience as someone w NPD, and everyone is different to some degree. The most important thing to do is ask about their needs, and try to adapt to them the best you can.

i think thats all i have to say for now tho so. sayanora. if i come up w anything else ill add it in an edit

[felixsramen]

Yours Truly

This is part 11 to my Skz poly fic. I'm glad you guys seem to enjoy it these have been kinda soothing writing. This one's kinda short but I promise next chapter will be longer.

Previous<<<<< Next>>>>>

Warnings: mentions of sex, doesn't go in description though

It had been 4 days since that date. You were kinda surprised and upset that you hadn't gotten a text or a call from any of the boys. Maybe you should've texted? Well that's what you were doing now.

You only had 2 of their numbers. Felix and Changbins. You decided to text Changbin knowing he'd probably text back sooner or at least you had hoped he would.

'Hey Bin I was wondering if you wouldn't mind making a chat with all of the boys?'

You watch as you look back at your computer screen. You were elbow deep in notes and typing up papers for work. You weren't even at the office though. You had gotten an email from your boss letting you know that the office was still closed and it probably would be for a while longer.

You didn't mind though. You didn't hate the work but you hated the people. They were all stuck up thinking they were too good and talking behind each other's backs. If the money wasn't good you'd probably quit. It was such a toxic working environment.

Your phone lights up.

'Of course I don't mind.' Changbin texts back.

His text brought a smile to your face. Within seconds you get texts from all 8 boys.

'Hi Y/N it's Chan' one text says.

'Im sure you already know who I am 💋' you chuckle of course you knew who it was.

'No she doesn't all she knows is that you sent a kissing emoji Ji' You laugh at that knowing it was Felix. Of course it was Felix who had always joked with Jisung.

'Don't be stupid already you two I'm Hyunjin' the text says.

'We'll come in Seungmins room right now' Felix texts and you laugh.

'I wish you guys would' Hyunjin texts back.

'Do not come in my room' a text says from who you assume is Seungmin.

'Dont test us' Jisung texts.

'You guys won't' Hyunjin texts back then there's no reply from either of them.

Instead there's another text. 'See now this is why I lock my room door 😑' Seungmin says and you laugh.

'Ignoring our 3 ridiculous boyfriends I'm Minho' a text says.

'It's Jeongin, I.n. or Innie whichever you'd like to call me' Jeongin says and you smile at his words remembering how the boys had called him Innie when you first met.

'Hi Innie' you text back.

'Hi Y/N' Jeongin says back.

'You already have my number but it's Changbin.'

'Well I'm sure you guys all know who I am then' you text in the group chat.

'Of course we do' Chan texts back.

'Hows work going' Jisung who is now back asks you.

'Its been taking up most of my time even though I'm not at the office and probably won't be for a while' you text back.

'Oh why aren't you at the office' Minho asks.

'They're adding a new floor which will probably end up taking a month or so' you text back.

'Well if you're not busy tomorrow could you stop by and help me redye my hair blonde the roots are starting to show and I hate the uneven colors' Felix texts.

'Why not me again' Changbin asks.

'As much as I love and cherish you and would do literally anything for you I'm not letting you help me again you almost had my hair fall out' Felix texts and you laugh.

'I literally read the directions' Changbin says.

'You read the directions but didn't set a timer after 30 minutes I asked you how much longer you said like 10 minutes then after the 10 I asked you again and you said a little bit longer it was almost an hour before I washed out the hair dye and I was terrified my hair was going to fall out 😭' Felix says.

'That's fair' Changbin says and you laugh.

'So will you Y/N please 🥺' Felix asks you.

'I'll try my best to get all my work done for tomorrow done today and then head over there and help you tomorrow 😊' You reply back.

'Thank you so much!' Felix says and it makes you smile.

'Of course' you text.

'Since you're coming over tomorrow why don't you help me cut the ends of my hair' Jisung says.

'Dont you guys have hairdressers?' you ask.

'Yeah but they're not you' Jisung says and it makes you smile.

'Okay I'll come help you but I'm reminding you Ji I'm not a hairdresser' You say to him.

'Don't be upset when your bald tomorrow Ji' Hyunjin texts and you laugh.

'Im not that bad' you say.

'Hey if I'm bald tomorrow at least I'll be bald and happy knowing Y/N cut it' Jisung says and you laugh.

'Ji I love you and I'd do anything for you but if you go bald you won't ever see me again' Hyunjin says.

'So you love me for my hair is what I'm hearing' Jisung texts.

'Please do not make Jisung bald' Minho says.

'I wasn't planning on it😂' You text.

'I'd be upset bc I like pulling his hair during sex' Hyunjin says and your surprised by that text but quickly realize it was Hyunjin and Jisung asking you and teasing you about Felix so you weren't as surprised.

'Really Hyunjin? Now was the time to text that' Chan texts.

'Now or never and it's true so what's the problem' Hyunjin texts.

'Well I'm not making Jisung bald so you'll still be able to pull his hair' You text.

'See Y/N gets what I'm saying are you a hair puller too?' Hyunjin asks. You laugh.

'You don't have to answer that' Seungmin texts.

'I don't mind but to answer your question it depends on the person' You texts back.

No one texts back for a second. Maybe you shouldn't have answered that.

'You're driving me crazy' Hyunjin texts back.

'You're not the only one' Jisung texts.

'You have no idea the effect you have on us do you' Minho texts.

You're surprised by all those texts and look away from your phone for a moment trying to calm yourself.

Another buzz brings you back to reality.

'Stop being horny we need Y/N to finish her work so she can can come over tomorrow' Felix texts.

'Don't pretend you weren't affected by it Lix' Hyunjin texts.

'Like I said let's let her finish her work'

'Fine' Hyunjin says.

'Bye Y/N!!!' Jisung texts.

'Bye Y/N see you tomorrow' Felix texts.

'See you tomorrow' Hyunjin texts.

'Bye Y/N have a good night' Chan texts.

'Hopefully if I'm not busy with work I'll see you tomorrow' Minho texts.

'I'll see you tomorrow Y/N' Jeongin texts.

'We'll see you tomorrow' Seungmin texts.

'Sorry for the craziness we'll talk tomorrow' Changbin texts.

'Bye you guys I'll see hopefully all of you tomorrow' You text back.

With that you turn off your phone going back to your computer. You really needed to finish all your work for tomorrow so you could go over there.

You didn't realize how much you loved seeing the boys and how much you missed talking to them. They all had their unique personalities and you loved that.

You needed to finish this work so you could see them so you push them from your thoughts for now typing again on your computer.

Taglist: @queenmea604 @lolareadsimagines @tinyworld18 @liv302 @jinniespuppy @stephy-nicole13 @haikyuuisposts @freyaniobe @chansbabygirlsstuff @jkookiejiminlvr @hyuneyeon @aerisho @sirenthalia @nagadiluc @tenshimara @leeknowleeknow @boi-bi-ahaha @shltsnglggles @jfkedldndkd @tinystarsthing @armystay89 @baby-fairy-yas @haileybugulug @freckleboilix @im-sinking-in-mud

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

[just-some-sorta-person]

Reo, Nagi, and Reo and Nagi

Getting lots of thoughts about Nagi and Reo in anticipation for the new epinagi chapter cus I'm just nervous and they have lots of brainrot potential. Like they're just so cute but also heartbreaking but also but also- not just together but separate too.

Reo

I get lots of thoughts about how Reo interprets reality. Like, he's just so delusional sometimes?? Like from the light novel

"Although Reo's strength was a modest number, his speed, stamina, agility, and jumping ability already surpassed the youth team's average. However, Reo was greatly unsatisfied, thinking, 'I'm so lame'" I understand being dissatisfied with average among the best, but thinking that you're lame... The perfectionism also shows in how he insists that Nagi make it clear when he's not good enough for them to play together as the best in the world, when Nagi starts out complimenting him. He seems to have self esteem issues in general. There's also when Nagi left, and in Epinagi he wonders if Nagi thinks he'll make it past 2nd selection, and asks why when Chigiri and Kunigami want him to join their team, surprised at their answer.

Then there's when Nagi thanks Reo for introducing him to soccer and Reo is so shocked, he thinks Nagi is dying. And when its established that Nagi is not dying, Reo says that he's matured, which I would interpret as Reo simply not taking that thanks as true gratefulness, but rather politeness that Nagi has matured into giving, since he's usually so insensitive. He doesn't consider that maybe Nagi has felt this way for awhile, and simply wanted to express his honest thoughts because he thinks it can't be true, to some extent. Or at least that's how I read it.

But as someone who knows how straightforward Nagi is, I feel like he should know that Nagi is just straightforwardly expressing his emotions. Reo sees, he just can't bring himself to believe or trust in it..

I mean, I'll be honest a lot of his delulu moments come from how he interprets his relationship with Nagi. And I think he's aware of it too- that irrational emotion that overwhelms him when it comes to Nagi. I think its because he let his guard down, and got really attached.

As Reo says, "He might be able to experience a storm of infatuation and obsession with this person. No. He can definitely do so."

(Also, can I just take this moment to make fun of Reo for saying this immediately after "The fact that he's playing games by himself during lunch break means that he's a game otaku. Zero exercise factor..." , "The face that looked up at him had an emotionless and cold expression...It was so drained of spirit that Reo thought that he looked half dead.", and "That person thinks that Reo will give him money if he asks for it. Weirdo." Like what haha)

And, the thing is, theres some evidence in epinagi that Reo is very aware of this weakness of his, and hates it. Like, he seems so crazy in the anime during the toothbrush pulling additional time, and even his response to Nagi leaving him behind for Isagi seems pretty extreme from an outsider perspective (I think some people will disagree with me?), since Nagi isn't saying they should stop being friends, nor is he denouncing Reo as a whole. He just wants to play soccer with someone else for a bit. If you take a step back from the metaphor of playing together as a romantic relationship, this really isn't that unreasonable? But it causes Reo to develop a vendetta against Nagi. It almost makes it seem like Reo is upset that he got his thing taken away from him, with how much he apparently needed to play on the same team as Nagi always. (This isn't the case). It's a jealous obsession, and you can see Reo's awareness of this in chapter 14 of Epinagi

"I dont want to remember. We've both moved on to new teams. I should cut my feelings short there. All I'm doing is dragging it out. I wonder if he even thinks I'll advance to the next round? If I wash out here, what'll happen to him? He told me we'd be together until the end... But he left me. What if he's living it up with Isagi and he's already forgotten about me? These thoughts just keep running through my head. Over and Over..."

The conclusion being- "I hate myself right now". There's an interpretation of this involving the relationship=soccer metaphor, but tbh I kinda refuse to go along with that because I think its much more interesting to see Reo's interpretation of playing soccer with Nagi being the same as being friends with Nagi as like a misinterpretation on Reo's part, rather than some kinda metaphor-made-reality thing. And I think by the way this is prompted by Kunigiri banter instead of anything soccer related makes it clear that this is not about soccer. If it was about soccer, the action that would trigger Reo's feelings would be Kunigiri doing some sorta soccer combo, not them being super good friends.

(Epinagi really is a gay shoujo romance masquerading as a sports shonen manga ehehehe)

In any case! We can see with this final sentence that he can't stop thinking about Nagi and hates himself for it. Can also see him being delulu with the Nagi/Isagi besties thing lol. Also, the way he says "We've both moved on to new teams. I should cut my feelings short there." it really does seem like Reo equates playing with Nagi to being able to be friends with him, and I think part of what plays into this is Reo's insecurity. I mean, he's been shown to view relationships as somewhat transactional, right? With how he brings Team Y together with food bargaining, with how he gets his highschool team together using similar bargaining tactics, by promising them idols and fancy meat, with his relationship with his parents where they will only let him pursue soccer if he can prove that he can become one of the best. Even in his relationship with Nagi, he spoils him a lot in return for being able to use his talent. Everything is conditional.

In that context, it kinda makes sense why Reo assumes everything is over when Nagi no longer needs him for soccer. Reo doesn't really get that even if Nagi doesn't improve through Reo or need Reo, that Nagi would still want to be partners, because its never really been like that for Reo. The focus his parents put on rationality and practicality and performance also helps to explain why he's so bad at figuring out what to do with his obsessive/jealous feelings, and why he hates himself for it. He's not allowed to be emotional or imperfect, so he was never taught how to deal with those feelings. I mean I think in general, always being the competent person good at pleasing the masses, at popularity, at everything, does not prepare one well for these kinda things. Having emotions beyond your control, I think.

Even beyond this, we can see how Nagi has effected him emotionally in how his dreams change. Getting Nagi was originially all for winning the World Cup, but somewhere along the way, it got to the point where when they entered Bluelock, Reo's goal wasn't to become the best himself so that he could win the World Cup, but rather to make Nagi the Best. A goal that literally has nothing to do with winning the world cup...

It makes me SO CURIOUS where he's at by 207. I think before Nagi asked him for help he'd managed to bury them, and make a path toward abandoning them entirely. Afterwards? I don't think he's gotten any better. He's still possessive, seems to want Nagi to have eyes only for him, and when Nagi gets sappy with him he laughs it off and refuses to accept it. When he dismisses Nagi's thanks as deathbed confessions, was it to protect himself from trusting? Knowing how little Reo thinks Nagi thinks of him, it seems like something he would have been overjoyed to hear, which really makes his response seem like a cautious dismissal. Especially his panel of shock, I wonder if there's that fear of assuming too much again, getting too close again. I'm really curious.

Nagi

Nagi gives me brainrot in a less angsty way, since he started so low that things can only really go up from him now. He went from having to buy a cactus to talk to to having a rich bf who adored him and did everything for him, to being able to escape his apathy and develop a passion that he really seems to be enjoying. Reo really made his life better and he knows it - writes poetry to Reo in his head constantly, joined a weird soccer cult for Reo, even after Reo slapped him away, Nagi remained dedicated to their dream. If Reo is underconfident in the security of the Nagireo situationship, Nagi is overconfident. He really seems to think Reo can read his mind? Lol.

Even so, because he's less soccer obsessed, he's at least a bit more grounded. He doesn't mind if Reo plays with people better than him, didnt want to join Bluelock because he didn't want him and Reo to be rivals, all that really seemed to matter to him at first was being with Reo. So, while Reo equated their partnership to being a soccer duo, Nagi saw it as an extension of their friendship. Unlike Reo, He's not particularly possessive. Like I said, he said he wouldn't mind if Reo chose to play with another player at the start. But he does care a lot about him - gets angry at Barou, plays soccer for him (at the start), wants piggyback rides, lets him pet his head... It really feels like while Reo needs Nagi more, Nagi admires Reo more, trusts him more, has more faith. It's quieter, but arguably more intense. (Reo fell first Nagi fell harder agenda) He actually seems to have an idealized vision of Reo in his head - An example of him thinking of Reo as greater and more perfect than the real person would be when he tells a despairing Isagi that Reo wouldn't act like this, and then epinagi jumps straight to a despairing Reo. Nagi really thinks Reo is more perfect than he actually is. Rose colored glasses. Wonder how this would interact with Reo's perfectionism.

There's that one interaction with Zantetsu I really like where Zantetsu asks him why he plays football and Nagi replies that its because of Reo, and all he's doing is tagging along. Zantetsu recognizes that Nagi, the hassle guy, is certainly doing a lot for Reo and asks what's so great about him, to which Nagi replies that its the first time anyone has been interested in a slacker like him

To which Zantentsu responds " ...You're down bad for Reo a wierdo." and "You're so loyal don't seem like a bad guy".

There uh wasnt really a point to that. I just wanted to talk about it because the respect they have for each others motives lives rent free in my head. And I think its interesting how Zantetsu immediately gets how much Reo means to Nagi, but Reo still doesn't understand after all this time.

Something I wonder is if part of the reason why Nagi is so bad at communicating and anticipating Reo's emotions is because he was apathetic and friendless for so long - disconnected from the world. Or well, I do theorize that part of his communication issues come from talking exclusively to a cactus for awhile.

Episode Nagi vs. Blue Lock

One image that I think really illustrates the difference between Epinagi and the main manga is Isagi's flabbergasted face when Nagi is having that moment with Reo where his hand gets slapped away.

He's so confused because they are not speaking his language. Reo's all like "you didn't choose me" And Isagi is like "And what does this have to do with soccer?"

Meanwhile once Reo switches gears to "I'll crush you" (expressing some form of ego/competition) Isagi is back to being the soccer manga MC.

It makes me wonder tho what's in store for our duo. Because in the main manga, they're back together, but they're not doing so great (if you look at the greater picture). There's tons of foreshadowing that Nagi is meant to fall from grace after reuniting with Reo, with Ego saying he'll get overconfident because of that dangerous goal, and Agi saying he's lost interest, as well as Isagi himself saying that there will be no more miracle goals. In the context of the main manga, it seems like while being a duo makes Reo and Nagi happy, its bad for their football. In the grander theme of Egoism, Reo seems doomed due to playing for Nagi instead of himself (tho this may not be as much of an issue due to his goal not being becoming a striker necessarily), and Nagi seems doomed because he's so comfortable with Reo that he won't experience despair and grow. The solution to this seems to be another fight or separation, maybe from Reo this time (thus breaking my heart).

However, from Episode Nagi's perspective, them being together in some fashion is integral to Nagi's goals. The manga starts with a remark on Reo's effect on Nagi, and so a permanent separation seems unlikely.

So is the ReoNagi duo good or bad for their soccer? It may function well if they reach some sort of arrangement that satisfies the ego rhetoric of the main manga, though I'm not sure what that would be. From the perspective of the main manga though, I can't see the duo ending well. From the perspective of Episode Nagi, however, their duo has to be maintained. It feels like two contradicting forces pulling at each other. How could this be resolved? There are some possibilities.

One possibility (though I don't like it so much) is becoming egoistic rivals who play together and push each other to their limits. The reason I don't like this is because this concept of rivalry and devouring is too similar to the main manga, and its kinda boring for a spinoff to take so much effort to just tell the same story in a different font.

Another possibility is that they fail in the main manga, and the spinoff is a tragedy about how Reo's discovery of Nagi doomed his soccer? Not a fan of this one because it would make me a lil sad. Though maybe it would be paired with the emergence of a friendship or relationship (I am not optimistic enough to hope for romance so at most hinted) that does not rely on soccer. It'd be a cool subversion, if a bit unsatisfying to see their dream abandoned. Honestly, I'd find this kinda path to be very interesting, but it seems to risky for it to actually be taken. It would explore the negative impact of tying your relationships to the sport, and suggest a mindset of happiness above mindless success. Seems risky though... very risky and subversive. And given the codependent nature of some sport duos, very satisfying to see the necessary separation of sport and friendship explored. Taking a positive spin, that would mean that because Reo is the one that nurtured Nagi's soccer genius, Nagi doesnt become the best soccer player but he does end up being happy :)

Another possibility would be Nagi just straight up leaving Reo and keeping him in thoughts only. That would hurt tho. Make me sad and depressed. I dont know if Reo could survive this.

Maybe Reo learns to motivate Nagi by becoming so good that now Nagi has to chase him instead of the way it was the other way round before. Not a fan of the manipulation undertones to that, so it may depend on the execution. Also just doesn't make much sense to me since it doesnt seem sustainable. Though maybe it could just be Reo learning to give Nagi more space to grow, and their friendship could just mend on the side separately. That could be nice.

Something else that doesn't seem likely to me, but I would like is for the point of Episode Nagi to be for Nagi and Reo to disentangle their situationship from its dependence on soccer, freeing them to be individual egoists while not necessarily pitting them against each other as rivals. This allows them to develop by the standards of the main manga, though it does make them a bit boring since they wouldn't really be taking an alternate path to star strikerhood. I like this path though because disentangling the situationship from soccer would have to involve them COMMUNICATING THEIR FEELINGS such that Nagi understood Reo's needs/insecurities and Reo understood Nagi's devotion. Reo would get affirmation that regardless of his performance, Nagi would still be his partner outside of soccer. And Nagi could be his, but outside of soccer. And they don't need each other. They want to be around each other. And I also think that a story leaning away from the codependency could show that once you realize you can function without the other, it makes it all the more meaningful when you choose to be together anyways. Because it's not a need, but a want. A want powerful enough to last. 

But that would really solidify that Epinagi is not about soccer, and while I joke that it is not about soccer, because it really doesn't feel like it is, I cant quite trust that it isn't because it is a spinoff of a soccer manga.

Something else that could happen is Nagi finding that his ego is realizing his and Reo's dream.. something that is romantic, but given how his ego and interest was kickstarted by Isagi seems a lil unlikely? But not impossible. Just because it was kickstarted by Bluelock doesnt mean it can't manifest and be fueled with Reo. ehhh idk if this really fits with the concept of Ego tho. I also feel like this won't force them to communicate or help Reo be more focused on his own performance, as opposed to only Nagi's goals (something I think he has to do, since serving Nagi makes him predictable and is reminiscent of that transactional relationship thing I mentioned earlier that he should probably learn is not the case). It would be consistent with the start and focus of epinagi tho.

At the end of the day, I don't know what will happen. Sure is fun to theorize tho!! :D

Nagireo, Reonagi

From a shipping perspective, I think their relationship is so interesting because its so complicated, and influences their lives so much. They are also polar opposites in a way that highlights their personalities. I think a meaningful exploration of Nagireo inevitably becomes an exploration of Nagi and Reo as characters. I'm not usually a fan of the miscommunication trope, but its a little different with these two because it really makes sense to me that they would miscommunicate- in fact, it seems inevitable that they would end up misunderstanding each other. Because of that, the misunderstanding feels meaningful instead of frustratingly inserted or forced.

Nagi idolizes Reo because Reo saved him from apathy. And because Nagi was apathetic and disengaged from society for so long, his communication skills suck, and he probably has a habit of not putting as much effort into conversations. When you combine those things, of course Nagi would act like Reo can read his mind.

Reo is used to getting what he wants, deems anything below genius boring or lame, and thus doesn't necessarily think highly of himself despite his accomplishments and hardworking nature - especially if you take into account his upbringing and parents. He feels trapped, and finds freedom in playing soccer with Nagi. With the transactional way Reo views relationships (I wonder, what it means for someone who views things as transactional to give so much to someone?) , and his perfectionism, it makes sense that the moment he wasn't the center of Nagi's world, he'd come away with the most despairing interpretation. An interpretation Nagi would be really bad at correcting.

So really, a misunderstanding feels inevitable with those two. Reo assumes the worst, Nagi is the worst at anticipating that and correcting it.

Despite that, I really like them together, not because they're the most functional, but because they care about each other. I really get why Nagi would be so grateful and devoted to someone that helped that drowning dull sense of apathy subside, giving him a chance to live an explore a world that didn't previously feel like his. And I really get why Reo would crave the freedom that Nagi granted him by making soccer possible for him. And also I think he kinda likes how much of a loser Nagi is lol, because its unconventional, and therefore interesting.

And I also get that sense of insecurity and drive, like if you fail you're nothing, and all your relationships depend on your success and ability to prove your skill - if you can't do the thing you're worthless and if you're worthless you're alone.

And also the loneliness of apathy, the sense that you're in your own world and there's no one around..

And I really feel like that devotion could help heal that wounded pride, and that sort of gleeful drive could really drive the apathy away...

The comfort in that is precious, I think

[miyaheestar]

Showing You To The World

warning : mention of discrimination for a religion, serious! bokuto koutaru, muslim!reader, slight angst!

It was the horrible feeling raising up to your throat again when you saw someone publicly shamed Muslims today. You were used to this.. no, you thought you were used to this but everytime people look at you or other muslim girls that are wearing hijab with those dirty look in their eyes as if they're saying,

"What a disgusting freak."

It made you want to throw up. Honestly, you don't know how your fiancé can fall in love with you. He's a non-muslim, he is the type of guy that love parties but the moment the two of you become a couple, he has stopped drinking or doing other things that are prohibited in Islam and that includes going to the party and clubs which he always do before he met you.

Bokuto Koutarou were your first love and with the God's mercy, may he be the last one too. Bokuto Koutarou is different, while others look at you with 'those eyes', he look at you with curiosity and wonder. In a good way, of course.

Both of you went to the same college together before he dropped off to focus on his career. You meet him when he accidentally spiked a volleyball on your head the moment you walk inside the college's court.

Well getting hit by a volleyball was never in your checklist for the day, of course you're upset but your emotions changed when instead of glaring at you, he ran to you with a panicked look and his hand hovering around because he knows that he can't touch you but he wanted to know how badly he hurt you.

That day ended with Bokuto buying you a hot chocolate as an apology. (He went 15 different cafe to find a halal one.)

Within few months, two of you gotten closer and closer. While learning about each other, he always asked you some questions about your religion and whenever you tell him about this and that. You can see how focused he is, he look as focused as when he play volleyball which made your heart feels weird.

It happened so fast when Bokuto asked you on date after you two walking back together from the class. You were stunned when you look at his face reddening as he spoke nervously to you, he even said thst he already found a perfect halal restaurant you two can go together.

A week after the date, you noticed that he stopped eating pork. His lunch box always contained tonkatsu which is a pork cutlet, honestly it made your heart feel even weirder.

3 years went as fast as the wind, the day you came home from your work was the day that Bokuto proposed to you in the living room that are decorated with flower petals that apparently Akaashi and Hinata helped him with. You never said yes so fast and if it's not because it's prohibited to kiss your lover before marriage, you would kiss your beloved fiancé there.

As for the current time, Bokuto is still learning more about Islam before he revert, he has promised to you way before you two got engaged that he will revert before you get married.

And now, you are worried about something.

You have seen people discriminating athletes for being a muslim or dating them. They even went as far as throwing things that can hurt the athletes because of their Islamophobia.

And you dont want Bokuto to get hurt just because of you, he love volleyball and you dont want him to risk something he love so much just for you.

So the moment he told you that he wanted to reveal you as his fiancé, you immediately said no.

That made Bokuto raised his eyebrows in confusion, he look at you silently for few minutes before saying softly, "If you are uncomfortable being revealed to the public then I won't do it, honey but if there are other reason, can you tell me why?"

You wanted to cry at how considerate he's being.

"I.. I don't want them to send you death threats just because I'm a Muslim.." you answered nervously.

Bokuto's breath slows and you can see he's trying to hold his anger that is obviously not for you but for people who hate Muslims.

"Y/N, I proposed to you because I love you. I don't care if you're a christian or muslim or buddhist. Heck, I dont even care if you have no religion. I will follow you everywhere, no matter what I need to do to have you."

Your eyes slowly filling up with tears as he said those words while maintaining eye contact with you. You know his hand his dying to hold you so he can comfort you but he's holding himself back because he respects you. He always been respectful.

"You have introduced me to a beautiful religion, Y/N and I will never be able to thank you enough for this discovery and for you to someone like me." His beautiful golden eyes soften when he saw your tears.

"I love you for who you are and if it will make you comfortable, I will not hestitate to leave my career."

You immediately shook your head, "Kou, you can't do that! You've worked so hard for all of this."

Bokuto smiled and then laughed, "You know that I will always choose you over anything else in this world right? So tell me, do you want me to tell the world that you're my beautiful fianceé?"

You stay silent for a while then sighed softly, returning his smile with your own.

"I would love to see that, Kou."

[stgosupremacy]

Hi! I just wanna say I love ur blog! I like how you see and talk abt Goh's character ❤️

I know some people (mostly those toxic pokemon fans) REALLY don't like Goh, and it upsets me bc it feels like me and them watched a completely different character on screen.

What do you think about it? I just don't get how they can hate him!

omg hey fellow goh lover!!!!!! 🥰 i also just wanna say thank you for the lovelyyyy message because i ask the same question daily honestly

(sorry i had to use that the animation is too slick)

ANYWAY

it actually upsets me a lot too that people don't see the good in Goh! im glad you think the same <3

okay there's some instances (yes im saying this 💀) where even i think goh went a bit too far like even though i think it's sick he caught suicune i do get why people were so mad about it? but cmon that was a bit too much hate 😭

Ash hadn't caught any legendaries his entire journey so yeah Goh catching suicune at the early-ish start of his journey was....just a bit like oh ok wow even for me lmao but yk that topic will probably never calm down lets be honest

Then there's him just catching every pokemon without battling, that I also get why ppl are mad because I was rewatching the unova anime a few days ago and a lot of the episodes had an emphasis onbattling before catching, and you can say that goes for the rest of the pokemon anime after that too...up until journeys 😂

Goh is a bit of a rulebreaker in that instance, i get that, but if people hate him taking so much screentime for Ash

(heads up the episode where goh goes on vacation and meets tokio again is the 1st episode in the anime history without any scene of Ash in it at ALL which is pretty crazy)

then I'm sure we wouldn't want to see Goh battle e v e r y single pokemon he catches, like his goal is literally to catchem all as well BUT BUT THEN AGAIN, that arguement is pretty weak i guess, and i understand why people would be mad, but I really dont like when they genuinely just hate him excessively 😭😭

OKAY POSITIVES NOW THIS IS WHAT I THINK

His character development was really nice in my opinion, and I really like how he more often emphasised the fact the reason why he wanted to catch throughout the series, and he reeaaaally understood pokemon better and forged such nice relationships with all of them

(also i was a bit sad Ash didnt get any galar starters too but....im sorry i feel like they're too perfect with Goh im proud of him)

🥺💖

he's really adorable goofy sweet amazing incredible gay and literally the entire package there are those minute things about the pokemon catching yadayada but that basically is forgotten when i watch him on screen

gonna reinforce my point about how he is perfect with the Galar starters...im sorry but look at them.

(you cannot talk to me about the drizzle episodes I will literally start crying. Also the grookey errand episode and that hug. Omfg)

You can see how much he cares for his pokemon (all the hugs above omg stop 😔💖) and I wish other people would also see that 😭 😭

He's so sweet and kind now especially at the end when Ash finally managed to help open his heart to other people and also Ash himself 😛 😛 OK I told myself I wouldn't bring satogou into Goh's honour post but they're another reason I love Goh so much, they compliment each other so well and I couldn't think of anyone else more perfect for Ash I love them both 💗🥺 (... In case you hadn't noticed)

Then again, it's still opinion based ig, not gonna fight about it 💀

Sorry this was such a long response (but cmon what were yall expecting..) but I kind of felt like I was gonna do a post like this sometime soon so thank you for anyone who voluntarily read this long-ass rant about Goh and @louie-inc for asking the question too!! 💕 💯 💕 💯

[mrs-monaghan]

To that one anon,

I absolutely agree that actively hating on JK is veryyy uncalled for when we can see Jikook doing great and we don't have all the bts information. Lately, though, I've also seen a lot of Jikook accts minimizing what happened to FACE and Jimin. Celebrating JK's achievements is one thing but I cannot stand to see jkks of all ppl downgrading what happened to Jimin and his records as they're broken by the extra push the company gives JK. Everyone is speculating and trying their best to understand things and for some, that's sidelining Jimin as an accessory to make it make sense. There needs to be fair discourse in all sides of this community without romanticizing the darker parts of it. It's not JK's fault and we don't know all, but we still need to be able to talk about it. Like the fact that some of LC's numbers disappeared right when Seven needed space on the Korean charts. The fact that the FACE wasn't restocked for months when seven was in ready supply almost every week. What happened to LC and the rise of Seven is related even on a minor scale. This is a fact. Some accts were so focused on debunking videos, and celebrating JK that the topic of where Jimin's award nominations and streams are going became taboo because apparently "Jimin is happy as a cheerleader" ...what?!

Actively hating is way too far I agree but all I'm saying is we should still be able to talk about the inequality regarding them as individuals and how that relates to Jikook as a whole. Believing in Jikook and discussing these things should not be mutually exclusive. Everyone has their own opinions. Again not supporting the hate, but we should be allowed to share thoughts shouldn't we, regardless if we won't all agree?

No, I dont disagree. But personally talking about it just seems to get people riled up and that's how Jikookers end up resenting JK. I would rather copy paste a PJM on twitter when they are tagging BH and Geffen and anyone else fucking over Jimin.

I haven't 4go10 everything our man has been through. This man has millions of fans and they only released 13k LC cds. Meanwhile other members got up to 50k. His shit not getting restocked even still?? You cannot tell me this is something Jimin would be okay with. His fans wanting to buy his music and not being able to? No way he's just okay with this.

But I also fail to see how he's not aware of it?? He has to be aware of what happened to him.

(New video here for those who are yet to watch it. As always they do Jimin Jimin great justice)

The 🛴 thing is confusing seeing as he's credited on FACE but whatever.

Unfortunately we will never know how he feels or whats going on unless he or one of the members outright tell us about it. The unfairness is so bad if I look at it too much it makes me tear up. I haven't 4go10 he is still the only member who didn't get a cake. I know it's just a cake but damn this always rubs me the wrong way. @magicshop-pjm1 gets it 🤭🤭🤭

All I know anon, which makes me less sad, is the fact that Jimin renewed with Hybe. That has to mean something. And so I will just be here and support him the best way I can. I am choosing to trust his decision here because we are clearly missing something.

I don't post these asks because tbh they are a downer and they make everyone upset. I don't like to be upset. Until we know the truth I would rather avoid the topic all together. But that's just me 😔😔 It doesn't do me any favours.

But yes, Jikookers should be able to discuss whats been going on without being called JK antis. Provided they're not acting like JK antis.

[multi-fandom-agereg]

Hi hi! How about some headcanons for one piece with regressor Usopp with Robin as his caregiver?

🕯️Reg!Usopp and CG!Nico Robin Headcanons 🕊️

( ◞ ◟"); Usopp regresses around 2-8 years old. It's more common for him to regress younger though. (Usually around 2-5)

( ◞ ◟"); he isn't a saint. He is often finding himself getting in trouble more than the other strawhats. And as much as robin hates to do it, she has to correct his behavior by putting him in the corner for about 10 minutes

( ◞ ◟"); besides purposely trying to get on other people's nerves, he loves to go fishing! He isn't allowed to do it alone though. Trust me, last time robin tried to let him do it by himself he ended up getting his fishing pole ate. (Dont ask me how, he doesn't know either)

( ◞ ◟"); a mama's boy. Always was always will. Has a problem? He goes to robin. Gets a bruise? He goes to robin. Another member bothering him? he goes to robin. He will hide behind her when she lectures whoever made him upset

( ◞ ◟"); calls his caregiver "mama, mommy, ma," and "Birdy" he calls robin his "birdy" just because of her name. I know I'm creative haha

( ◞ ◟"); favorite little snacks is slices of bread and any kind of sugary drinks

( ◞ ◟"); he is often the one to be startled easily. And if that were to happen, he'd end up crying. And if that happened you will have a long chat with Robin.

( ◞ ◟"); gets them into trouble

( ◞ ◟"); robin is a calm and collected caregiver. She would act the same as any mother with a child. She can be strict when she wants to, but that side doesn't usually happen unless she really needed to

( ◞ ◟"); gets them out of trouble

( ◞ ◟"); she loves handfeeding Usopp. She thinks it's cute to do the "here comes the airplane" route

( ◞ ◟"); calls Usopp her "baby" which is often of what she calls him

( ◞ ◟"); reads bedtime stories for Usopp! He always says that he's "too old" for bedtime stories. But when robin is like; "are you sure? I thought you liked my books" and he'd end up being like. "Mm.. fine.. but just one more!"

( ◞ ◟"); won't admit it but she enjoys what Usopp likes to watch. Which being; bluey and tangled mostly. She thinks they're calming to watch

( ◞ ◟"); mama bird. Mess with her little and she'll do everything in her power to hunt you down. Sometimes calmly, sometimes not. It's best to not test which one she'll end up doing. So best to stay on her good side

( ◞ ◟"); if she happens to be away for awhile, Luffy is usually the one babysitting while she's gone. And safe to say that by the time she's back Usopp would be so hyper from unlimited candy supply and probably trashed the ship. Yeah that is a whole different story....

[https-evan2]

Can i please request rottmnt famous actress! Female! Reader x all boys turtles?

Type; platonic, friendship, HCs.

The plot is about reader who joins April's school & tho everyone are going nuts over her (she's beautiful, have a career & they're fans of her work) the turtles weren't so excited because they thought she would be your everyday stereotype famous actress; spoiled brat, bossy...etc. So imagine their shock when they met her & find how of sweetheart, caring person she is.

I love this <3

Actress

Rottmnt x fem! Reader platonic

M/N = Movie’s name

C/N = Character name

• You were new to this school

• Since you’ve been homeschooled your hole life bc of you being an actress you were very excited

• The day you came you were already overwhelmed

“Omg Is that actually Y/N”

”isn’t she the girl that played C/N in M/N”

• As much as you were happy people thought you were a good actress you knew that people would take advantage of this

• It’s been a week at this school and you were pretty tired

• You haven’t talked to anyone making some people thinking you were rude

• That was until you got randomly paired up with this girl named April

• you were pretty awkward bc you weren’t used to this situation

• As much as you tried you couldn’t say

“i can do this” or “let me do this and you can do that”

• it made you believe you were rude and i think April thought so to bc that same day she went to the turtles to talk about this

“It was so annoying she didn’t do anything nor tried to help” she said laying down on the sofa

“Ugh i hate those people” Donnie said

“How could she think that is okay i mean you- she- ugh i can’t think right now” Mikey said

(bc i hc him to get really frustrated and might even cry when he can’t really word what he’s thinking)

“are you sure she just isn’t shy” Raph said obviously trying to be more mature of the hole situation

“Yo April next time ya’ see her look her straight into the eyes and say: You’re NOT the boss of me and you also need to help” Leo said with his hands on her shoulders”

“okay next time i meet her ill just say that*

*time skip to a couple days later*

• You were both at Aprils apartment to do the assignment

• You were still awkward bc this was a very new situation

• just when you were about to speak April suddenly interrupts you

“hey i know you’re an actress or whatever but that does NOT give you an excuse to be rude to people” she tried to be more calm but it still came out as a pretty harsh tone

“Y-yeah sorry” you said and started to work

*skip to after the sun went down*

•the turtles and April were out playing basketball as usual

“I GOT IT” Mikey said but then the ball bounced of the basket

“Great job Mikey” Leo said sarcastically

“Leo don’t be mean” Raph said noticing Mikey was pretty upset about it

• little did they know you were there going on a walk with your neighbours dog

• You saw the hole think happen and even though they were literally mutant turtles you saw that they were upset

• you tied the dog to a lamppost while you started to climb that tree

*the next day*

•since it was Saturday you decided to just walk to Aprils apartment you brought some homemade baked goods to apologise to April and give her the ball so she could give it to her friends

•when you knocked you got no response so you decided to open the door to be met by April and the four turtles

• They were staring at you like ‘why tf are you here’ kinda look

“I’m sorry to interrupt but i saw that you lost your basketball and i just wanted to give it back” you said not looking at them bc otherwise you would get to nervous

“Aw sweet” Mikey basically yelled

•They were pretty shocked you would even do anything like this bc they thought you were rude

“oh April I’m sorry i didn’t hell that much on the project but here” you place a basket on the floor that smelled amazing

“why are you doing this i thought you didn’t like me?” April asked

“well i- i dont dislike you i was just kinda nervous for the project and i- I’m sorry i came of as rude” you said

• they noticed you’re very serious and not just doing it bc you had nothing better to do

Let’s say they liked you more then they thought

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Yay I’m done and I’ll maybe do a part 2

[yoonyia]

I'm fighting with spirits trying not to murder this book for what they're doing with jane

THIS IS THE ONLY PART OF THE BOOK THAT REALLY MAKES ME ACTIVELY HATE THE BOOK

please

don't do that

I dont mind the idea of giving Jane a human body

hell at this point I think it's necessary and a essential part of the plot

BUT DONT FRAME IT AS WHAT SHE ALWAYS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

DONT CONPARE HER TO PINOCCHIO

PINOCCHIO WAS MADE IN THE WISH THAT HE WOULD BE A HUMAN CHILD AND WAS GIVEN THE ABILITY TO FUFILL THAT PURPOSE

JANE WAS MADE AS A BRIDGE BETWEEN THE HIVE QUEEN AND ENDER AND DEVELOPED INTO AN ANSIBLE WIDE IDENTITY

SHE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE A HUMAN

SHE WASENT INITIALLY CREATED WITH THE PURPOSE OF BEING A HUMAN

SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BRIDGE SURE BUT TO ASK HER TO GET INTO A HUMAN BODY IS SAYING THAT THE ALIEN PART OF HER IS NONEXISTENT

THAT SHE SHOULD REJECT IT BECAUSE ITS "NOT WHO SHE REALLY IS"

THAT A PART OF WHAT MAKES HER HER ISNT THE FACT THAT SHE IS NOT A HUMAN

THEYRE TREATING THIS SACREFICE AND LAST RESORT LIFE SUPPORT AS ITS THE CORRECT THING THAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED

SHE WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO MIMIC AND YEARN FOR THE PERFECT REPLICANT OF HUMANITY

WHAT SHES DOING RIGHT NOW SHOULD BE TREATED AS WHAT WE FEEL WHEN WE WANT TO LEAVE OUR MORTAL FLESH SUITS AND BE UPLOADED INTO THE INTERNET SO WE LIVE FORVER

THIS IS LITTERALLY JUST THAT

BUT DO WE LOOK AT THE DIGITAL COPIES AND THINK "this is how we should have been always"

DO YOU HEAR HOW INSANE THAT SOUNDS????

"we should have been 1s and 0s this entire time and I don't know why we waited until my body was litterally unusable and my human life was dead to find a way to sustain it, this was how I should have been since birth!"

LIKE

wait

fuck

no, I can see people saying that

OK LIKE ITS SAYING TO AN AMPUTEE THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN WITHOUT THEIR LEG

THAT SOMEHOW HAVING A LEG MADE THEM LESS OF A PERSON

AND THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE CHOPPED IT OFF SOONER

EVEN WHEN IT WAS HEALTHY AND PERFECTLY USABLE

THAT WITH A LEG THEY WERE UNFINISHED

I MEAN I DONT PERSONALLY HAVE A MISSING LEG BUT I FEEL LIKE ITS PRETTY SAFE TO SAY THAT A MAJORITY OF AMPUTEES WOULD PREFER TO HAVE THEIR LIMB AGAIN IF IT DIDNT CAUSE THEM PAIN OR RISK THEIR LIVES

AND EVEN IF THEY THINK THAT THE AMPUTATION IMPROVED THEIR LIVES IN WAYS UNRELATED TO PAIN I DONT THINK THEY WOULD EVER SAY THAT HAVING A FULL INTACT LIMB MADE THEM ANY LESS MEANINGFUL???

LIKE JANE IS STILL AS MEANINGFUL AND IMPORTANT AS WHEN SHE WAS A PHILTONIC ENTITY, BUT THAT DOSENT MEAN THAT SHE WAS LESS WHOLE BECAUSE SHE WAS ONE????

IS THAT NOT A THING PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?

I'm sorry this got convoluted I'm just really upset

the parallels between miro getting his magical recovery from his disability and then having to help someone who also basically got all her limbs, eyes and senses chopped off would have been such a nice thing to watch? I MEAN LIKE HONESTLY REJOICE THAT SHE DIDNT DIE

BUT TREAT IT WITH THE SAME MOURNING SOMEONE FEELS WHEN THEY ARE PARALYZED?

LIKE IM NOT MAD OTHER PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER ABOUT JANE BEING HUMAN, THAT MAKES SENSE BECAUSE TO THEM JANE WAS JUST A HUMAN ON SCREEN IN SOME AMOUNT OF DISTANCE AWAY

but to jane she just lost everything???????

SHE DIED

SHE DIED AND GOT A LITTLE BIT OF HER AUTONOMY BACK

ITS EXHILARATING AND NEW AND BRIGHT BUT THAT DOSENT MEAN SHE DIDNT LOSE SOMETHING???

ok maybe comparing it to a disability is too much of a human perspective on it (even tho the book insists she is human FOR FUCKS SAKES I CANT BE HAPPY)

let's say to her the human body is better because it is so new and so wonderful and so much simpler and easier and lighter and mobile and has all of these new things she can do like sweat and laugh and cry and shit and move

because for a disability you're losing several functions and gaining proportionally little and that's not exactly what's happening to Jane (I personally think a human body does less things compared to all digital material and activity between half a trillion people at any given time BUT THATS PROBABLY BECAUSE IVE BEEN LIVING IN A HUMAN BODY SO LONG I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO BE ALIVE, I DONT KNOW)

then treat it like it's that

make her struggle with EVERYTHING

give us more internal dialog of EVERYTHING being new

make it more full of awe and a new discovery and not a long lost longing finally fulfilled

DONT TREAT IT LIKE SHES FINALLY COMPLETE NOW

PLEASE

SHE IS NOT A HUMAN

NOT A HOMO SAPIEN I TELL YOU

I think I might have said something bad in this ramble and if so please correct me I'm not very versed in the nuances of disability and being human and aliens.

I just wanted to express my anger at the writing

I'm sorry for screaming