#when i have a bit of trauma with this exact kind of confrontation ending up with me being stalked and lied about by a group of assholes

[rainbowtvz]

"why didn't you confront this random stranger online about it instead of blocking them and warning people about what they did"

[pomplalamoose]

do you have any headcanons for luke with a reader who has some kind of trauma 🥺 no need to expand on what the trauma is (don't want to trigger you or anyone) but i deal with that and would love to know how luke would relate. totally okay to skip this if you don't want to talk about stuff like that :)

That's such a sweet ask, anon and I'm sorry you have to deal with this <3

(I hate to say so but unfortunately I'm relating a lot🤝🏻)

• Luke being Luke will always care about his friends' troubles and especially about yours

• when it comes to trauma though, he might need to go through some character development first to fully understand what's going on and where you're coming from

• like, I don't think pre ANH Luke, my sweet innocent sunshine boy, even knows what trauma is

• of course this doesn't mean he won't listen attentively

• he easily worries about you and even without being able to consciously reach out with the Force he can sense there's something you need/want to talk to him about

• he'd try to make whatever it is you're specifically fighting with easier for you, no questions asked

• it's just that I imagine him struggling to grasp the exact workings and effects trauma can have on a person

• at the beginning he might still think it to be something one can simply get rid of, and will ask if there is a cure

• this is going to be a little bit different with ANH Luke, as he truly has gone through a lot at the end of the movie

• he's not only able to sympathize but will also confide in you about how he is feeling in regard to what happened to him and the people he lost

• in case you're well educated about the topic of mental illness and trauma, I can see him asking you lots of questions about his own situation

• he's a naturally curious person and always eager to find out more

• unfortunately he'd be less focused on you and more on himself in this situation

• we can see something similar happening after the OT crew escapes the first Death Star and Leia, who would desperately need some comfort herself, consoles him because of Obi-Wan's death

• this doesn't mean Luke would overlook your experiences, he's just struggling a lot himself and too caught up in his own mind to properly be there for you

• actually he might be the one to lean on you in that aspect

• he would look up to you

• you seem so knowledgeable!

• you already have so much more experience than him!

• you know how all of this works, right? You can show him how to deal with this??

• ESB Luke is objectively the worst person to talk about your (but mostly his) trauma with

• he cares and wants to help just as much as the next guy but his own approach to it is definitely not healthy and you really don't want to get yourself dragged into that kind of mindset

• he is constantly in a rush and always busy

• he is frustrated

• he has no time for trauma

• what's that anyways? He eats that for breakfast

• he's not scared!

• (cue Yoda looking into the camera like he's on The Office)

• I think he suppresses a lot in order to somehow keep going for his his friends and the Alliance

• he's their last hope and it weighs down on him heavily

• I don't think he's in a head space where he would handle confronting heavy topics well

• especially because he'd be so worried he'd somehow end up faulting himself and would want to take on the sole responsibility for your psychological well being

• he has no trouble with his own burdens whatsoever so he can carry yours too, no problem!!!

• he means so well but would sadly end up ignoring his own boundaries and deliberately overwork his capabilities in the process

• ROTJ and post ROTJ Luke however?

• simply top tier perfection, 11/10

• would gladly recommend to anyone at any time

• spending lots of time with Yoda and self reflection paired with meditation made him come a long way

• he's now more balanced and able to see to his own needs better than ever

• he's very insightful and attentive and would probably recognize some of your behavioural patterns as trauma responses before you even have the notion to share your story with him

• depending on your relationship at this point he'll either say nothing but keep and eye out for you, or approach the topic in an empathetic way

• even he can't immediately know to what extent you're dealing with the effects of your past, so he'll be very careful about it

• he'll take a lot of time to intently listen to you

• if you are willing and/or able to talk about your drama in detail, he'll want to ask lots of questions

• mainly about if and how your day to day life is being affected and how he could help make it easier for you

• as opposed to his younger self he'll actually know what he's talking about and has lots of ideas and good approaches

• he'd totally offer to show you how to meditate, for example

• if you straight up tell him you don't want to talk about it/are not able to yet, he's more than sympathetic

• he too remembers what it felt like being unable to open up yet

• though he makes sure you know he's always there if you need something

• it's enough to let him know that there IS something you're struggling with to make him spring into action should you get triggered

• I think that's actually the most wonderful thing about him

• you don't need to explain

• anything

• he understands

[r-2-peepoo]

I see so many people who blame Ted for things involving Jamie and Nate in particular, and it seems weird to put so much of that responsibility on him when the entire point is, in season 2 in particular, Ted is a bit of a disaster. Just as Jamie and Nate had their own personal problems and insecurities, Ted is dealing with the exact same thing thing. The only difference is he’s finally unable to ignore it anymore. We don’t even know Ted’s issues until he does. With Jamie and Nate, signs explaining their behaviour are sprinkled throughout the show but Ted is so deeply in denial that he doesn’t even know anything is wrong until he physically can’t suppress it anymore.

Could he have done more for Jamie when his dad came into the changing room? Sure. But so could have anyone else. And I mean any of the coaches and any of the players too. Beard and Roy are the only two who acted and it’s pretty clear that they are both better suited to dealing with Jamie’s problems anyway. In any other situation, I expect Ted would’ve done something but he was clearly paralysed by the universe yet again forcing him to confront his trauma. I get that he’s the main character and also the head coach which is why everyone expects him to do the most, but it’s also possible that he’s just not that type of person and that is okay. When he sees Jamie in season 1 after Richmond get relegated, the first thing he thinks to do is go and talk to him, only to be interrupted again by his dad. He always wants to help, he just doesn’t always know the most effective way to go about it. That’s why Jamie ends up with Roy and Keeley. Between the two of them, they know how to help him. They all help each other and fill a role they all need in their lives. Filling the dad-shaped hole in Jamie’s with Ted wouldn’t have worked but that doesn’t mean Ted failed him.

I think he was as supportive of Jamie and Nate as he was physically capable of being at the time and when it comes to Nate, it was definitely more about Nate projecting his insecurities than it was actually about Ted doing anything wrong. Nate didn’t confide in Ted about his feelings. He just assumed Ted didn’t care and didn’t approach him about it until he exploded at him.

If it were any other show, Ted would be this almost all-knowing, perfect person who always says just the right thing and comforts everyone in just the right way but it was never that kind of show. It constantly subverts expectations and that includes portraying its main character as an overwhelmingly kind but deeply flawed person. That’s why I just wish people were not so critical specifically of him. His trauma is just as valid and important as anyone else’s and despite them being a central point in the show, I almost feel like they get overlooked when it comes to analysis of the show.

[lehdenlaulu]

Okay, I need to reread it when I'm not half-asleep or in a hurry, but... some thoughts about Soul Taken:

This was a slightly odd book.

Mostly because, well, I completely understand that recovery is rarely linear, and even old trauma messes with your mind in unexpected ways sometimes, but I feel like Mercy was kind of unusually out of sorts and paranoid in this book. And I'm really not sure if we were supposed to see it that way or not. I mean, some of it was clearly the spider fae spike thingies messing with her, but I'm not sure if that was supposed to explain everything.

For example, I sadly enough kinda predicted that the whole 'one step forward, two steps back' dance with her attitude towards Stefan would be back sooner or later, but this felt like an almost exact repeat of what happened in Frost Burned: she suddenly does not seem to trust him for no obvious reason whatsoever, despite having recently made clear progress with him and ending the previous book on 100% amicable terms. And sure, I could headcanon that almost bipolar attitude in a number of ways, but it honestly comes across as author indecisiveness at best and bad continuity at worst at this point.

Like I said, I know recovery is rarely linear and trauma can mess with you in unexpected ways, but the part where she suddenly has Stefan nightmares she likens to Tim nightmares felt especially uncalled for (especially since I seem to recall she chose the bond with Stefan in the immediate aftermath of the Tim thing and it was something that actually made her feel better because it was something she chose, unlike certain other bonds I might mention) as did the pretty much entirely new implications that Stefan has ever used the bond against her or made her do anything against her will. I was, as a Stefan fan, honestly kinda mad about those.

And the fact that I'm not sure whether the reader is supposed to take that at face value or chalk it up to Mercy being paranoid and generally an unreliable narrator for a number of reasons, which has been established in text before particularly through other POVs.

Speaking of which, on the other hand... We got several things I didn't think we ever would, based on previous statements by the author:

We got Wulfe POV??

We got Stefan POV???

Vampires have souls now?!?

And personally, at least, those were very welcome additions. Wulfe and Stefan's narrator 'voices' both felt right and added more to their characters, as did the 'flashbacks' in the Mercy-dreaming-Stefan's-memories bits. Both we and Mercy got a better picture of the Italian vampire posse and their backstories and dynamics. But while I liked it that this book ended kinda as the echo of the ending of the previous book, with Mercy apparently being on good terms with both Stefan and Wulfe, it all feels kinda contradictory, you know? Something doesn't flow right about the plot/the vibe/the characterizations/all of it.

And once again, I'm not sure if I should blame Mercy or the author.

I've come to at least headcanon that part of Mercy being an unreliable narrator is that she's sometimes downright wilfully in denial about things she does not want to think about or confront. Like it's entirely plausible to me that there are aspects about her bond with Stefan that scare her much more than the idea that he could use it against her, which is why we apparently have to establish certain things like it being a) a two-way thing b) consensual c) unbreakable precisely because it's consensual over again, and why she sometimes randomly freaks out and starts treating Stefan as a potential threat.

Or maybe the author just really does not know how she wants to handle this. She's had several opportunities to toss the plot, and once or twice she even seemingly has only to bring it back, but like I said in the previous post, in the last book one of those opportunities was presented and she could have chosen to get rid of either Stefan or the bond and yet she chose to keep him and have Mercy reinforce the bond to save him (and tell him he's invited in her 'soulscape', and seriously consider calling him to her side against Adam's beast). But in this book, we're apparently pretending that development did not happen. Or Mercy is, at least. *sigh*

The overall situation was stressful for her in this book, admittedly. There was the whole situation with Sherwood, aka Bran's Big Bro Has Entered The Chat, and even Zee's behavior was causing her grief and adding to her paranoia. I do feel for our girl, for apparently having come to a realization that everyone she cares about is dangerous and a potential threat, her husband included.

But yeah. It was a little weird, and I hope things will make more sense in the next book.

[emmym1]

My thoughts on... All-New Wolverine 2015 (#13-18) "Enemy Of The State II"

As I have arrived at the third arc of this run i'm very happy to see them keep all of Laura's history in mind while actively using it as a foundation for new stories. It was really fun to see all the little callbacks to her previous runs in this arc and how in a lot of ways this arc is a very big full circle moment for her!

I really love how this arc deals with the final pieces of Laura's past that still haunt and control her. It was so cool to see it tie into her older runs so well. Madripoor, Kimura, Gambit, etc… Was super cool to see all of those elements of her 2010 run come back. The opening issue to this arc was so crazy, Laura killing off an entire town was so brutal to see. It was kind of sad to see her completely return to her fight or flight reaction when it comes to being confronted with the trigger scent. Like her planning on leaving Gabby behind even after promising to never leave her earlier in the run in what was a really emotional moment. It truly shows how much trauma and fear the trigger scent instills into her. It was really sweet to see her bring along Gabby regardless though (also extremely funny how the pelican statue travelled with them wherever they went). It was nice to see Madripoor back and all the references to the 2010 X-23 run. I was so hyped when Gambit showed up, it was so cool to see them reunite again! I loved how they finally dealt with the trigger scent and the way Laura overcame it. Jean going into her mind and having a conversation with her mind in the place it goes whenever she gets taken over by the trigger scent is absolutely one of the best moments of this series. Jean's dialogue being the opposite of what Kimura said to her while the Pinocchio symbolism is being told in the background was so good and extremely well executed. I am so happy they remembered the symbolism in that story and how it was utilized in her first ever mini series. And it's such an amazing full circle moment that said pinocchio story is one of the pieces that makes her overcome the final bit of control the facility ever instilled into her. It's super sweet that in retrospect Sarah telling Laura that story had the exact effect she wanted to and more. The entire sequence is genuinely so well written and one of the absolute highlights of this run. It was also so cool to all of her friends team up with her to fight against Kimura, it once again shows how far she has come as a person. I really loved their entire plan. Iron Laura was super cool! Her final fight with Kimura was also just amazing, her finally overcoming her abuser in such a badass way and really showing who she truly is while no longer being affraid of Kimura was such a marvelous moment. I was so happy for her to see that she no longer has to live in fear for her, and that she finally overcame her biggest enemy and source of fear. Her reuniting with Deborah and Megan had me so emotional. I am so so happy she got to reunite with them and that they didn't forgot about them. It was the perfect way to end this arc. I just love that in the end she was able to be reunited with them, no longer having to fear anyone. Their goodbye in X-23: Target X (2006) was such a heartbreaking moment so it's super emotional to see them finally be reunited again after such a long time.

The reveal that Bellona was actually behind the murders in the town was really surprising. And it actually works really well with how Laura's mindset is towards the trigger scent. She feels like she is in a locked room when in reality the door has always been open. Like from the moment she knew they were dropping the trigger scent she incapacitated herself making sure no one would get hurt. She's so much stronger and smarter than she thinks honestly.

I will say, I'm really missing Laura's internal monologue in this. I think especially in this arc it would've added a lot of depth to everything she experiences. But that just a small criticism, I am absolutely loving each page of this run! This run was so amazing in all aspects and it's such an important moment in Laura's history I feel. She goes through a lot of personal development in this and I absolutely loved her overcoming the trigger scent and Kimura, absolute highlights of this run so far! I'm super excited to see where the story goes from here now that the trigger scent and Kimura are gone.

[gay-jesus-probably]

OF ALL THE WAYS YOU COULD'VE ENDED THE 9/11 REBLOG I WAS NOT EXPECTING "We're Canadian" ??!!::";??¿ WHY WAS YOUR TEACHER OBSESSED WITH IT THEN

I HAVE NO IDEA. Like, I was understanding at first in the unofficial 9/11 unit, it began with the novel study of the book, and even though I found it a bit weird that there was a book about a pair of fictional 9/11 survivors, it wasn't so bad. It was definitely interesting to read a disaster survival book where all the action happened at the start of the disaster, and half the book was just going down a whole lot of stairs; from what I remember, there really wasn't a focus on patriotism, and there was some interesting stuff of the kid abruptly faced with his own mortality, and the specific terror of being stuck in a life threatening situation with your child. And definitely some exploration of survivors guilt near the end, as the kid was friends with a classmate whose dad was a firefighter, and passed his friends dad going up the stairs while they was going down. And sure it was a little weird that the teacher cried a little at the start about how we were her last class that had any memory of 9/11, but y'know it was a big tragedy and American media has been dedicated to making sure people who experienced it can never heal from the trauma, especially focusing on not letting anyone forget it happened. So I can understand why someone might get a bit emotional when confronted with the reality that the passage of time meant that she was never going to teach students that actually remembered it.

After we did the novel study we watched the documentary, and I was like yeah okay, this still makes sense, we read a fictional novel about this real event, now we're getting some visual context and looking at the real disaster. And then after that we watched the Nic Cage 9/11 movie, and I started thinking man we sure are spending awhile on this topic, I'm not really sure if this still counts as a novel study given how far we've wandered away from the actual novel. And then we were given a 'creative writing project' to write OBITUARIES, specifically for people we invented who died in 9/11, and then I was really wondering what in the fresh baked fuck was going on. But again, the justification was there, because we did ask the teacher what the fuck she was thinking, and she explained that knowing what an obituary is and how to write one is unfortunately useful knowledge, and it's probably for the best if we know how to do it long before we're ever going to need to. Very fucking strange and kind of insensitive, but there's some logic to the whole thing so I guess this train is still on the tracks.

...But then we had to take the fake person from our obituaries and follow it up with writing a eulogy for them, and then deliver our fake eulogies in front of class, to give us more public speaking practice??? With part of the grading rubric being how well we sold the act of being the grief-stricken parent of our fictional 9/11 victim? And that was about the point that I realized no, this train hopped the tracks a long time ago, and we've somehow kept on rolling anyways.

All of this fucking nonsense was in direct contrast to our Social Studies teacher, who frequently joked about how post 9/11 paranoia and aggressive airport security standards ruined his life, because some fucking asshole tried to blow up a plane a few months after 9/11 by hiding explosives in his shoes, and that asshole happened to have the exact same first and last name as my social studies teacher. So literally every single time my teacher had to fly somewhere, it would begin with him arriving at airport security, immediately being arrested on charges of having a name, and spending several hours sitting in a holding cell while they quadruple checked that no, the Shoe Bomber has not somehow been quietly pardoned of his three consecutive life sentences, he has not escaped from maximum security prison without anybody hearing about it, this is literally just Some Guy, and it's not actually illegal to be named Richard Reid.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 302: As the Todoroki Turns

Previously on BnHA: 

Today on BnHA: We have a very fun chapter in which (1) Shouto grows up lonely on account of his parents being worried that his siblings will literally try to kill him, (2) Natsu and Fuyu grow up neglected on account of not being special and/or self-destructive enough to attract attention, (3) we get to revisit all of that exciting spousal abuse from chapter 39, and (4) Touya burns to death right on cue, pretty much exactly like we expected it to happen. Thankfully since this is a shounen manga, Horikoshi finds some hope in all this misery as the Todoroki family rallies together, with Shouto getting his long-overdue credit for being a perfect sweet angel who put up with all of this shit for sixteen years and somehow came out of it strong and kind and empathetic and determined. Anyway, so that flashback was a barrel of laughs. But now that it’s over, we can put all of that angst behind us, and move on to... well I guess, probably, more angst. Look, we’re short on variety at the moment. Bear with it.

ouch. we knew this was coming, but still

A+ parenting move there. “ho boy, our eldest just tried to murder our youngest, now what? hmm how about we isolate our youngest from all human contact”

though in their defense, we probably shouldn’t have expected this rabidly strength-obsessed fire man and his wife who was groomed since childhood to obey her family’s whims to have any idea of how to raise stable, well-adjusted offspring

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS

this is a perfect example of Enji’s tragically self-revolving viewpoint right here. just because being a hero is your entire world doesn’t mean you can just excuse yourself from anything outside of that and act like it’s out of your control. “alas, all I care about is hero stuff and my son can’t be a hero, we are doomed to inhabit two different worlds” no you jackass, it’s called having more than one hobby?? figuring out how to spend some time with your son that doesn’t involve training?? the same exact thing you were telling him to do last week, while ignoring that you’ve never done that yourself in your life??

that said, yet again we have that complexity though because it’s obvious that Enji at least on some level is aware of his own flaws, even though he seems unwilling or unable to confront them. honestly, from what we’ve seen so far, Enji’s obsession with surpassing All Might might be more accurately called an addiction. he literally can’t let go of it even though he’s fully aware of how it’s slowly destroying his life. and so in the same way that a lifelong smoker or alcoholic might tell their child to stay away from cigarettes and booze, Enji tells Touya not to follow down the same path as him, even though he himself doesn’t know how to leave that path. so yes, it’s hypocritical as fuck, but there’s also an element of helplessness there as well because Enji literally doesn’t know how not to be like this

though all the same he sure could stand to put in more than just a token effort. but it is what it is, and we already know how much he’ll come to regret it

and meanwhile Baby Shouto has frozen his sleep bubble with his quirk lmao. so I guess his quirk did come in early. that’s a recipe for chaos right there

once again Shouto is ruining every single dramatic panel in this flashback

this was so dark and intense... and then I spotted the lil bubs in the corner. Horikoshi please control yourself

“some hero you are, running away” and then all of a sudden, “FIVE YEARS LATER” lol what. OKAY THEN

(ETA: love the confirmation that eight-year-old Natsu comes from the Iida school of puberty and is basically a fully grown man, and meanwhile Touya comes from the hobbit school of puberty and has been perpetually eight for the past five years.)

“HEY BIG BRO WANNA COME RECREATE AN ICONIC FLASHBACK SCENE WITH US. WE’VE GOT THE SOCCER BALL RIGHT HERE, BUT HURRY UP OR WE’LL BE TOO LATE FOR SHOUTO TO WALK ON BY AND STOP TO LOOK”

lol and that’s literally the next three panels. but Horikoshi did add this extra bit after Endeavor starts to drag Shouto away

seriously Enji what the hell did you expect was going to happen here. “Touya went nuts and tried to kill his little brother out of jealousy, so let’s make it clearer than ever that Shouto is the important child and all the other children are just rejects. this will definitely not make the problem 100x worse, and will surely lead to Touya giving up and living a happy life, having been emotionally abandoned by the person he admired more than anyone.” good for you pal you figured it all out. no need for that plan b, “we all just go to therapy”

anyway so he’s telling Shouto he can’t play because he needs more endurance training. and meanwhile Touya’s patented Todoroki Drama Genes are going through puberty as well

definitely the face of a happy, emotionally stable child who’s not still plotting to murder his younger brother in his sleep

“WELL ACTUALLY MAKESTE” lol I stand corrected??

apparently during the five year interim Touya actually stopped blaming Shouto and realized Enji was the one at fault. good for him! a bit inconsistent, given what we know happens later, but I assume we’ll get to that in good time

anyway. “yeah man I agree that dad sucks, but it’s the middle of the night and I’m only eight and you’ve been monologuing for the past two hours bro”

LMAO

the manga is making my jokes for me, only better. fine then

looks like someone’s still miffed about that disagreement he had with his baby sister back when she was like four

“Fuyu doesn’t get properly riled up like I want her to so ranting to her is annoying.” okay but having been in Fuyu’s shoes, it really is just a different way of coping, and I can guarantee she’s not as fine with the whole situation as Touya might think. but making your peace with something is often a decision that’s made for emotional self-preservation reasons. and I sure as hell don’t fault her for trying to shut out a situation that she had no control over, and trying to make the best of it, and scrape together as normal a childhood as she could manage

and now in Touya’s defense as well, that is of course easier said than done, and I’m sure if there was a “push this button and instantly get over all of the trauma in your life” switch readily available for Touya then he would have pushed it too. unfortunately it’s not always that simple

so now Rei is pleading with Touya not to go train up on his little emo hill again, but it doesn’t seem like much has changed since he was eight

I don’t think he gives two figs about being a hero; he just wants his father to look at him again with pride. fucking hell, stop doing this to me you damn Todorokis

guh, they keep telling him the same thing over and over again

even if we hadn’t already known he was gonna go melt his jawbone off soon, I wouldn’t have expected a line like that to go over well

yep. fuck

that Todoroki puberty angst, though. nothing else quite like it

“you have a part in this too, Mom” ooooooh man

okay but look, he’s not entirely wrong. like, I’m not saying any of this is Rei’s fault at all! she’s in an impossible situation where she’s afraid to stand up to Enji (who by this point has shown that he’s willing to physically attack her if things get too heated, which is terrifying), and doesn’t really have anywhere to turn for support. her parents aren’t helping much if at all, and Japan in general is just a terrible country to be in when you’re in a domestic abuse situation. everyone’s expected to put on a brave face and deal with their problems all on their own in private. Rei is basically completely isolated at this point, and she doesn’t know what else to do, and so she’s just trying to keep the situation as stable as possible for the kids

but on the other hand, “for the kids” is also where that argument starts to break down a bit, because at this point Shouto is also being physically abused by his father, and the other kids are continuing to be neglected (emotionally if not physically), as they have been for years. so the situation really isn’t stable at all for them. and as a kid, what you end up learning in that type of situation is that you can’t rely on either parent. not the abusive one, certainly, but also not the other one who can’t protect you from any of it. even if they love you and they’re trying, they’re just as helpless as you. Rei is struggling to deal with all of this with one hand tied behind her back, and I get it, and I’m not blaming her at all. but all the same, particularly given that she’s (understandably) putting almost all her focus on Shouto, the end result is that the other kids have basically been left to fend for themselves

so yeah! a shitty situation all around. and one of those cases where it’s not really anyone’s fault (aside from Enji’s), but I can understand the resentment Touya is feeling all the same. and I’m so glad Horikoshi is acknowledging this, because it’s something I probably would have been too uncomfortable to bring up otherwise. as it is it’s still an incredibly heavy subject, and one that I probably have too many personal feelings about

anyway, so once again the whole “we’ll try talking to him and then just shrug our shoulders when it doesn’t work” parenting strategy doesn’t really pan out for the Todoroki fam

sob this boy is Anakin Skywalkering before our very eyes. all that’s missing is AFO to come and start whispering in his ear. any minute now...

“anyway so then he got taller and his fire changed from red to blue”

guess we’re getting pretty close then huh. this is the part of the flashback that I really don’t want to see, but also unfortunately the part that I’m most curious about :/

oh for fuck’s --

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IGNORING HIM FOR FIVE YEARS DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM” sob. back to the drawing board I guess

I thought he got taller, why is he still only like a third of Enji’s height here

oh fuck me these are armor-piercing feels. this is the heavy artillery right here

ENJI I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP AND THINK FOR ONE MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE DOING SOMETHING YOU’LL REGRET FOR THE REST OF ALL TIME. your child just told you that he still thinks beating All Might is the only thing you care about, and that he believes his existence is a mistake unless he finds some way of doing that for you. please stop for a moment to contemplate that and choose your next words with care and grace and oh who the hell am I kidding

-- OR WE COULD JUST BLAME REI

go on and blame everyone but yourself then!! that’s a great solution!! jesus christ man I know this is Endeavor at his literal worst but still this is fucking hard to watch

POOR BABY SHOUTO IS YELLING AT HIS DAD NOT TO HIT HIS MOMMY THIS LITTLE BRAVE BOY NEEDS SO MANY HUGS OH MY GOD

AND MEANWHILE THE OTHERS ARE HUDDLED IN THE NEXT ROOM TRYING NOT TO CRY AH FUCK

(ETA: Fuyu covering Natsu’s ears cuts RIGHT TO THE CORE OF ME. Horikoshi if you’re really not gonna get these kids some therapy then at least consider giving your readers some. what is this.)

you know it’s bad when you’re starting to think the part where the kid burns to death might actually be a less traumatic thing to cut to right now

holy shit, actual Rei thoughts

“I was the one who ultimately made that choice” well there we go, wonder if that’ll put that whole argument to bed at last. I doubt it, but you never know. actually who am I kidding it’s not gonna settle jack shit lol

oh thank god, they decided it was getting too intense and cut away back to the present to narrate this next (final?) part

get ready to cue up that Alicia Keys. THIS BOY IS ON FIREEEEEEE

yeah I think that’s one thing we can mostly all agree on. neither of them had any clue what the fuck they were doing pretty much at any point. though I will say that the hypocrisy of him being all “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM” followed by him IMMEDIATELY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING is a bit rich

(ETA: and he still has this problem, doesn’t he? he froze up when Ending snatched Natsuo, and again when Dabi was attacking Shouto. he’s so afraid of doing the wrong thing that he ends up not doing anything, which of course is exactly what led to Touya’s death. damn Enji I guess you’ve still got some additional character development to unlock.)

and of course neither of them could possibly have known how badly it was going to turn out. like, the consequences here were WAY disproportionate even for the shittiest of parenting. no one expects “I didn’t know how to talk to my son” to snowball into “my son burned to death and then somehow came back as a villain and murdered thirty people”

ohhhhhhhh fuck me

LITERALLY INCINERATED THE ENTIRE HILLSIDE. fuck. and I am so not ready for the scene of Enji finding the remains of his jawbone afterwards. at least we were spared anything super-graphic (for now at least)

I feel like the timeline here is off, btw?? wasn’t Touya’s death supposed to happen after Rei got hospitalized? this might be the first actual retcon of the entire flashback. although I think it makes more sense this way tbh

I do appreciate that ten years later Enji is finally reflecting on the fact that if he’d just given up his stupid obsession he could have stopped his family from crumbling apart. that probably sounds sarcastic as fuck, but it’s not. there are countless jerks out there who would have still managed to find a way to blame literally everyone and everything under the sun except for themselves. at least he finally figured out how to take responsibility, even if it came too late to stop his son from dying and being radicalized into a villain terrorist organization

and speaking of, it seems to me we’re missing a third and final part to this little tale of woe, and one which only Touya himself will be able to shed any light on. so we’ll see how that goes

oh man seeing the other kids blaming themselves even though none of it was their fault hits hard af. Rei wasn’t kidding when she said they’d been bearing that burden of guilt far longer than Enji

SHOUTO I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE NEXT PANEL IS YOU APOLOGIZING FOR BEING BORN, I WILL... WELL I’LL BE VERY SAD, I GUESS. SO DON’T DO IT

oh good he’s just being quiet. good. it absolutely is not your fault lil bean. it’s not theirs either, but feeling guilty about things that aren’t your fault is a time-honored shounen tradition

goddammit I braced myself for the angsty Shouto panel a page too early. gotta do it all over again now lol. okay here goes

;_;

well well well would you look at that

imagine that. talking things out with your child before they make a rash decision. looks like the Todorokis’ parenting skills are finally leveling up

OH MY GOD

holy shit. this is the most quintessential moment of father/son Todoroki bonding in the entire series. for me it even tops the “nice scar” scene lol. Enji sobbing at the fact that he still has a chance to set things right. and Shouto offering his hand in what is actually the most mature and selfless gesture I’ve ever seen, and being all “we’ll stop him together” to his dad who he hates, but also doesn’t really entirely hate anymore. and all of that is incredibly moving... BUT ALSO HE STILL REFUSES TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM AND HE WOULD LIKE HIM TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ALREADY IF YOU DON’T MIND. “WHEN YOU’RE DONE CRYING...” fkjldsk

OH MY FUCKING LORD

(ETA: wouldn’t be a Todoroki drama fest if there wasn’t somebody listening in on the whole thing in secret just around the corner lmao.)

“you think we should have waited somewhere else?” “yeah, probably.” “are you feeling a lot of secondhand embarrassment too?” “god, you have no idea.” STFU HAWKS IT’S NOT EMBARASSING TO BE MOVED TO TEARS BY YOUR FAMILY ALL COMING TOGETHER IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR TO GIVE YOU HOPE THAT YOU PROBABLY DON’T DESERVE BUT ARE NONETHELESS INDESCRIBABLY GRATEFUL FOR

and anyway you chose these guys as your found family, bucko. too late to back out now. next time go get yourself adopted by the Iidas then

AND MEANWHILE NO WORD ON THE WHOLE “HOW DID A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD SURVIVE A FIRE THAT COVERED HIS BODY WITH HORRIFIC SCARS AND MELTED HIS JAW OFF, AND HOW DID HE SOMEHOW THEN MANAGE TO GO INTO HIDING FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS, AND WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT INTERIM TO CHANGE HIS GOAL FROM ‘SURPASS ALL MIGHT TO IMPRESS MY DAD’ TO ‘KILL ALL HEROES TO MAKE MY DAD SUFFER’.” as if we don’t know the answer to that. but still, would it kill Horikoshi to just confirm AFO’s involvement in all of this already. at this point it’s basically just a formality

so here’s hoping next week we’ll either get that, or more Hawks action, or (DARE I EVEN SUGGEST, I’M AFRAID TO JINX IT) finally cut back to Bakugou and Deku and All Might omg. either way I’m hyped

[transboykirito]

Please elaborate on Suguha having BPD, I show a lot of symptoms of BPD but I’m too scared to get tested so she means a lot to me :))

hi before i start this explanation i wanted to first say i know firsthand how terrifying it can feel and it can feel so isolating and... all the things i don't have words for. but i’ve been there and it does get a little easier - it gets hard too, and it feels like a constant uphill climb, but... the good moments do exist and they’re important too.

this is going to be a long post because there’s a lot i want to cover (seriously there’s so much evidence to support this headcanon that i would genuinely believe it if reki said this was what he intended when he wrote her)

disclaimer first of all: i am not a psychiatrist, i'm just someone who has bpd and notices a lot of my own traits in suguha. i'm happy to be debated or corrected on anything in this post, as long as it's done respectfully.

childhood - catalyst + development

okay so let's start off right at the beginning in what i'm gonna call the catalyst - aka, bits and pieces and what i think could've led to suguha developing bpd.

we don't know for sure what directly causes bpd, but there's a link between bpd and trauma. contrary to popular belief, suguha did actually have a rough childhood, you could easily call it traumatic (the light novels do, in fact, explicitly say it’s traumatic)

one of the things that can be linked to bpd is growing up in an abusive or unstable home and witnessing abuse (even if it wasn't directed at the person with bpd) - remember how suguha grew up with a father who worked away, a mother who was scarcely present and how she quite literally physically had to stop her brother getting beaten by their grandfather? that alone could've caused it. add in kazuto "abandoning" her for years and getting trapped in sao, i'd say we have more than enough grounds to support how she could've developed it.

emotions

so next we move onto how it presents itself (again, this post is written on the assumption suguha has bpd). bpd presents itself a lot in how the person feels emotions, the way they perceive emotions and the way they interact with relationships. this section is focusing on how suguha presents, explains and acts on her emotions.

for the most part, leafa’s one of the most passionate characters in sao. she’s also one of the few side characters who get in-depth descriptions about their emotions. the one thing i noticed is her emotions constantly have such strong physical reactions. multiple times her emotions are described as so painful she physically struggles to breathe.

[quote] Every time she did, she was struck with an indescribable emotion; it was a sharp twinge, striking deep in her heart. Her breathing grew painful. It made her want to hold herself and fall to the floor. [end quote]

[quote] Embarrassment, shyness and an undeniable feeling of his sweetness raced around inside of her, gripping her chest so painfully she couldn’t breathe. [end quote]

emotions with bpd feel like all or nothing. they’re oftentimes so intense you physically feel them take over your body. the way suguha’s emotions are described resonated with me for that exact reason. especially the fact her happiness is still laced with anxiety about when things will be difficult again, yet her negative emotions are intense and confronting.

the idea that suguha overreacts to small things also makes a hell of a lot more sense if we look at it with the assumption she has bpd. minor inconveniences can feel impossible to overcome and any kind of heartbreak or rejection genuinely feels like the end of the world. she isn’t being irrational (at least, not in her own brain), she’d reacting the only way it feels like she can when her emotions are that powerful.

her screaming, crying and flailing all seem more reasonable if i’m assuming her emotions are constantly threatening to overflow. she physically needs to get the emotions out somehow - it’s kinda like autistic stimming, in a way, for me at least

her emotions also take over from her rationality. it’s a common trait in anime, yes, but i think it’s relevant enough to this theory/headcanon to be included here. she prioritises her emotions over her physical health in some cases, an example that immediately comes to mind is her staying up way too late playing alo with kirito despite the fact she was physically exhausted the next day and she knew she would be

favourite person/relationship with kazuto

one of the most notable parts of having bpd (in my experience) is my favourite person (fp). this is someone who, for better or worse, a person with bpd’s entire world basically revolves around. it’s common for someone with bpd’s entire mood to be controlled by their fp’s mood or how they feel their fp perceives them. it’s also common to be incredibly jealous and border on being possessive of your fp (though, this is something that should be worked on and boundaries should be set)

sure enough, these are feelings we see suguha experience with kazuto. significant amounts of her time is spent trying to figure out what he’s thinking - especially about her - and what she needs to do for them to be as close as they used to be.

suguha’s moods fluctuate depending on how she thinks kazuto feels about her. if she thinks he‘s distant from her, she easily falls into a spiral of guilt and self-loathing. if they’re happy together, she’s happy with undertones of cautions, wondering how long it’s going to last. even when she knows kazuto’s happy and content, she still worries about the next time he’ll break down and/or she gets upset when she remembers that she isn’t the only one who makes him happy

she also gets jealous when she finds out about asuna, not specifically because kazuto wouldn’t return “romantic” feelings to her, but because someone else was taking up his time and space in his heart. actually, reading the light novels, i get the impression suguha doesn’t really care if her supposedly romantic feelings are returned, she just wants her and her brother to be close again. 

their entire relationship screams of him being her fp - though, as time passes i do think they work out how to handle that relationship in the healthiest way possible, which, in their case, seems like suguha spending time with kazuto’s friend group helps that jealousy and him making more time for her at home is helpful too

bpd also explains why she can come across as rude or indifferent to nagata.it isn’t that she particularly dislikes him, we know she considers him a friend, but he isn’t her fp. it’s fairly common to idolise and prioritise your fp to the point they’re the only person you focus on. you can still like people and have other friends - you can even have deep and meaningful relationships with other people - but you express those feelings in those relationships differently to your fp (in my own personal experience, i dated someone while having someone else as my fp, and while i deeply deeply cared for my partner, i didn’t know how to express that to them in a way that didn’t feel like i was “betraying” how deeply i adored my fp - i am working on that...)

the outburst -  episodes 22 + 23

this is the part i was excited to write because it’s the scene that convinced me she has bpd (again, even if that’s not what reki intended) - so we’re gonna break this down because this scene is just... so much

for this i’ll be referring to the anime while adding additional context from the light novels, because the anime captures it really well

for context for the excerpt, suguha’s just found out that kazuto and kirito are the same person and logged out of alo.

[quote] The sobs came pouring from her throat. Her hands impulsively clenched the fragile device, no more than two thin circles of plastic. It began to bend, creaking faintly with the pressure.

She almost wanted to break the AmuSphere, to permanently sever her pathway to that other world - but she couldn’t. She felt too sorry for Leafa, the girl living on the other side of the ring.

Suguha put the device on top of her bed and sat up. She put her feet on the floor, closed her eyes, and hung her head. She just didn’t want to think about anything. [end quote]

this was interesting to me because it says she almost broke the amusphere impulsively, the only thing that stopped her fro doing it was leafa, who, for all intents and purposes, in this scene she’s somewhat referring to as a different person altogether. again, she’s prone to making impulsive and irrational destructive decisions.

be warned, this is a big excerpt, but there’s a lot of subtle information i want to be able to reference, so i’m adding it all here. anime screencaps provided, because i really love the way they animated this scene. their expressions are so fucking good.

[quote] She couldn’t stop the current of emotion from tearing through her. Suguha leaped to her feet and strode to the door. She turned the knob and pulled, and there was Kazuto. He looked at her with obvious concern.

“I... I...” Her feelings turned into tears and tears into words before she could stop them. “I-I betrayed my own heart. I betrayed my love for you.”

At last she had spoken the word love to his face, but it slashed at her chest, her throat, her lips, like a knife. The pain seared at her, but she kept going.

“I was going to forget, to give up, to fall in love with Kirito. In face, I already had. And yet... and yet...”

“Huh...?”

For several seconds he gaped at her silently. Then he whispered, “You love...? But... we’re...”

“I know.”

“...Huh...?”

“I already know.”

Oh no, she thought. But she couldn’t stop. She put all of her raging emotions into her stare and pushed on, lips trembling.

“We aren’t real siblings. I’ve known that for over two years!!”

No. Suguha hadn’t asked her mother to hold back on revealing that she knew the truth to Kazuto just so that she could hurl her feelings at him like this. She wanted time to properly consider what it meant, and what she could do about it. [end quote]

this scene really emphasises, multiple times, the fact suguha doesn’t want to be yelling at him and hurting him. she’s highly aware of the fact she should stop, but she physically can’t stop herself from saying it, even if she knows she’s saying cruel things she doesn’t mean.

i’ll get to the splitting thing in just a second, but please keep in mind how much suguha feels like she can’t control what she’s doing and saying here, it’s important later.

you know how i said that having bonds with other people can sometimes feel like you’re betraying your fp and how you feel about them? ahem. “i fell in love with this other person and betrayed the feelings i had for you”... :( been there

i particularly adore the way it describes her emotions feeling like a knife cutting through her as she’s trying to get the words out. again, more than any other sao character, suguha’s often the one being given physical representation of her emotions like this, especially the hurtful ones. i think it’s really well done.

[quote] “When you quit practicing kendo and started avoiding me years ago, it was because you learned the truth, wasn’t it? You were keeping your distance because you knew I wasn’t your real sister. So why have you decided to be nice to me now?!” [end quote]

note here how she immediately blames herself for kazuto quitting kendo, saying that he quit because he wanted to avoid her, when he actually quit before he even knew he was adopted because he has no passion for it like he does with computers and gaming.

this, i think, would be her splitting. i’ll do my absolute best to describe it, but it’s basically trying to see things as one set, firm way. aka, “it was 100% my fault this happened” or “this is all your fault because you’re an asshole” when you think about a situation.

for suguha, in this scene, it’s kinda like she’s putting the blame on herself while being mad at him for it. she sees this as her fault but she’s holding that bitterness towards him for being absent.

again, to bring back to the point that she’s barely in control of anything she’s saying in this scene and the fact it’s putting her in pain to say all of this, this is what splitting can feel like. it’s actually a pretty decent example of it - and that’s not even the author’s intention to do so.

people with bpd can split without even being aware of it, like they have no control over their thoughts or actions. just like we see suguha doing here.

[quote] No matter how much she knew she ought to stop, she couldn’t. As Suguha’s words echoed through the cold hallway, Kazuto’s black eyes gradually lost their expression.

“I... I was so happy when you came back from SAO. I was so happy you started treating me the way you used to, I thought you finally saw me for who I was.”

At last, two teardrops hit her cheeks. She rubbed at them fiercely and strained to push the voice from her lungs.

“But... after this, I’d rather you kept being cold to me. Then I wouldn’t have realised that I love you... I wouldn’t have been sad to learn about Asuna... and I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Kirito to replace you!!”

Kazuto’s eyes grew just a bit wider, and then his expression froze. After several seconds in which everything seemed to have stopped, his eyes wavered, then looked down. A single word came from his mouth.

“...Sorry...”

In the two months since he’d awakened, Kazuto’s eyes had always been full of a tender, gentle light when he looked at Suguha. Now that light was gone, and a deep darkness had taken it’s place. Suguha felt sharp regret pierce her chest as painfully as any blade.

“...Just leave me alone.”

She couldn’t stand to look at him any longer. Suguha slammed the door to escape the guilt and self-loathing that threatened to crush her. She stumbled back several steps until her heel hit the bed, and she fell over onto it. [end quote]

so there, in explicit words, suguha feels self-loathing for hurting kazuto. that’s such a strong word and i need to highlight that. she genuinely hates herself for hurting him immediately after she does it despite acknowledging she doesn’t mean anything that she said. this is, quite literally, splitting in an extreme outburst.

this is what convinced me suguha has bpd. this right here. because this is a feeling i’ve felt so much, an outburst i’ve unfortunately experienced (with some slight differences, of course). her thoughts, emotions and reactions all resonated with me because i’ve been in that situation. it’s not a nice situation to be in and my god the amount of love and adoration i have for this character for still not giving up and still fighting for the person she loves after this... i love her. i love the both of them so fucking much.

euphoria

okay that scene is miserable here, some happy sugu to end it out. because, yes, bpd is exhausting and angry and isolating and impulsive and irrational. but the bonds you can form, if done healthily with lots of communication and understanding and patience, can be some of the strongest bonds you can have and your highs and absolute, pure euphoria.

[quote] As both a fairy warrior and a kendo athlete, Leafa had to admire Kirito’s ability. He was equally adept at both offense and defense, as smooth and beautiful as a dance. The longer she matched his rhythym of strikes and sways, the more Leafa felt that she was ascending to new heights she’d never experienced before. None of the duels she’d ever taken part in here had ever truly satisfied her. She’d lost before, but it was always due to some special quality of the opponents weapon, or a spell. No one had ever bested Leafa through sword skill alone.

Now that she’d finally found someone who was even better, and he was her beloved, Leafa was filled with something like joy. Even if they never shared their hearts again, this special moment was enough for her. In time, she noticed that there were tears pooling in her eyes. [end quote]

end notes

so yeah. there’s just a tiny breakdown of that scene and why i personally think suguha has bpd. a lot of it is because i relate to her experiences and emotions, and once again i’m not saying that reki intended her to have bpd. this is all my personal opinion and some supporting arguments i managed to pull from two volumes.

suguha is a character i desperately clung to when i was in the process of getting my bpd diagnosis, because she felt like one of the only characters who would’ve possibly been able to understand how i was feeling. which is weird to say, because she’s a fictional character, it’s not like i can call her on the phone and ask “hey do you relate to how absolutely batshit i feel while these people run a bunch of tests on me like i’m some kind of fucked up zoo animal? really? you can? that’s great, let’s be best friends!” but... in a way, that’s how it felt?

i escaped into her world with her as i read and watched sao and she helped me to feel less alone in all the utterly terrifying feelings i had. i held onto her the same way i held onto kazuto and shino through my hardest ptsd breakdowns and panic attacks, how i held onto asuna, eugeo, tiese and ronye when my ptsd made me feel like i was living in someone else’s body.

intentional or not, reki wrote a character that made me feel a little more understood in a situation where i couldn’t have possibly understood less. and i think that’s something special.

[phantomrose96]

Oof, which scenes of yours stick to mind. Bakugo getting his memories back and having a breakdown after he's set free; Deku's son talking to Inko and her sadly confirming Deku barely even visits her anymore; All Might gently chastising Deku for immediately wanting to give AfO to his (he thinks) now-quirkless son; the girl from the Candy Hair Saga piledriving the MC and accidentally restoring his memories causing him to reach out to her again; the seamstress seeing tiny child Edward for the 1/2

2/2 first time; the superheroine realizing the person who's mentoring her is setting up a bike theft and the boy who swallows fire buried on a burning building; Momo the skeleton with a giant plate of food she'll never finish. I have a visual memory so I'm cheating a bit, but your writing has a way of painting horrible pictures that sear the mind's-eye. Great work. I'd put a thumbs-up emoji here if I were on mobile

(fanfic ask meme)

man oh man oh man alright

Bakugo getting his memories back and having a breakdown after he's set free

(King)

tbh King might be my favorite of my bnha fanfictions. it's one of those fics where the implications kept building while I was writing it.

Also! In the earliest draft of King, Bakugou kind of just remembers everything from the start and the audience is walked through the flashback while he's sitting at the police station in the first scene. As I tinkered more with the fic, I realized it was more interesting to keep that part vague at first, let Bakugou's memories be partially repressed by the trauma, and then written-over as the lawyers grill into him the Right Version Of Events.

And that I could then fill the audience in properly at the exact moment Bakugou learns he's been let off the hook

Deku's son talking to Inko and her sadly confirming Deku barely even visits her anymore; All Might gently chastising Deku for immediately wanting to give AfO to his (he thinks) now-quirkless son

(Origin of a Non-Hero)

(I'm still really glad when people bring up OoaNH because that was the first substantial thing I wrote after a very long distancing myself from writing and I kinda thought it was a complete mess when posting it.)

When I was figuring out what to do with this story, I was struggling with the ending. For a while I thought the last scene would be a confrontation between Shiki and Deku. I even tried drafting that. But I couldn't come up with anything satisfying. To have Deku apologize and make up with Shiki as an ending didn't make sense, since the fic established how one-time "I'm sorry"s don't fix the issues being explored. But to have Shiki reject the apology? Anything I came up with felt too bitter to end on...

So I realized the way I wanted to end the piece didn't have any actual confrontation between Deku and Shiki at all. Instead I broke it up. Have Shiki and Inko together, with Shiki asking if he's in the wrong for wishing he could have just had normal parents who were proud of him, to Inko who would understand this more than anyone. And have Deku and All Might together, with Deku asking if he'd failed his son, to All Might would who understand this better than anyone.

the girl from the Candy Hair Saga piledriving the MC and accidentally restoring his memories causing him to reach out to her again

(Candy Hair Saga)

THAT was so fun! For a couple reasons! When I first made the post I was kind of just messing around and the "villain" who was targeting the background-characters-turned-main-character could be anyone. The moment I realized the exact way to tie everything together, with the reveal of the villain, I was like hopping out of my chair.

AND it was extra fun because the whole thing is a joking exploration of cliches and tropes, so for the memories and flashbacks? I just went full ham with the cheesiest, tropiest, backstoriest execution of that and it's frankly REALLY fun to indulge in that without worrying "am i being cliche? am i being unoriginal?" this was just like doesnt matter babey, we're TRYING to be a cliche.

the seamstress seeing tiny child Edward for the first time;

(See Them Buried)

(I'm still delightfully surprised with how much attention See Them Buried has gotten. I was expecting very little at all for an OC-centric fic.)

I think I'd been thinking about how all the "youre the fullmetal alchemist but youre so small" remarks might NOT have just been short-jabs and very well might have been people from an outside perspective seeing Ed and being like "this is a CHILD. why is he a soldier?" and anyway I have feelings about that.

the superheroine realizing the person who's mentoring her is setting up a bike theft and the boy who swallows fire buried on a burning building;

(Hero Syndrome)

Back on my brand of "wouldnt it be fucked up if" bnha fics. So the fire boy's story was actually the first one of the three I came up with. Just thinking about how the BNHA world's hero worship almost definitely encourages reckless acts of heroism, and what happens when that goes wrong, and what happens if those acts were inspired by a big-name hero? (which led to me coining the plot twist that's revealed at the end)

Then I got to thinking about the other messages Deku receives in canon, which work out great for him, but could easily go south for people not as lucky. and well what happens to society if those get mass projected...

Momo the skeleton with a giant plate of food she'll never finish.

(Branding the Hero)

The funny thing about Branding the Hero is it was kind of a passive-aggressive response to the whole "Momo's costume has to be that way because of her quirk!" argument. Like, "yeah? yeah is that so? we REALLY care about 'the way her quirk works'? we REALLY are just concerned with 'making sure her quirk works to the best of its ability'? let's fucking talk about that then"

And then the implications just got worse the deeper I dug.

[tf2-hellhole]

Tf2 request! Can I get mercs x an s/o who had a pretty terrible childhood with sucky parents. And the mercs just being so supportive. Also thank you your writing is amazing!!!

Scout:

Scout honestly didn’t have the best childhood either. His mother loved him dearly, but his father was never around and his mother had to take care of eight boys with very little money, so Scout had a pretty shitty childhood too. So, to an extent, he understands what you’re feeling.

When you tell him what your childhood was like, all he can give you are “Jeez, that’s terrible!”s throughout the story. He’s not trying to be so awkward. But he’s so, so bad at being sincere and sensitive about these kinds of things. By the end of it, he probably just wraps his arms around your waist and holds you for a while.

It’s gonna be a while until he works up the courage to talk to you about your feelings. But until then, he’ll always be giving you encouraging looks, short statements of affirmation, and lots of handholding.

Soldier:

Soldier, surprisingly, had a pretty good childhood. He can’t help but feel a little bad about not being able to understand or relate to what you’re feeling or what you experienced. But that’s not gonna stop him from doing whatever he can to make you feel better.

When you’re feeling down, he’ll take you on a little adventure till you feel better. Maybe it’s something simple and casual like the park or a restaurant to help you calm down, or maybe it’s one of his crazy ass adventures to help you get your mind off of things. Whatever he thinks would be better for you.

He’s like your personal cheerleader. Whenever you’re struggling with something because of the trauma or memories, he confidently reminds you that he thinks you are so brave and amazing and that you’re strong enough to overcome anything.

Pyro:

Pyro is such a sweetheart and is so, so good at supporting you and making you feel better. They’ll do anything in their power to help you heal.

When you’re forced to confront any trauma or bad memories, they like to hold your hand, or hug you if the two of you are alone. They want you to know that you’re not alone and that you have someone to lean on. They also become more affectionate just in general.

They also love to make you treats. Their go to is sweets or candy, but if you’re not a fan of them, they’ll make you just about anything you want. They’re an excellent cook, too, so no matter what they make you, it’s going to be absolutely delicious. Sometimes, they’ll have you make it with them for some 1 on 1 time.

Demo:

Demo had a horrible childhood full of trauma and abuse. He knows how you feel, and he’ll remind you of this fact so that you know you can depend on him when you need to.

He likes to wrap you up in a hug if you’re dealing with trauma or something similar. If it’s in public, he’ll wrap an arm around your waist; if it’s in private, he’ll wrap you up in a big bear hug and let you hold on for as long as you like. And of course, he’s going to respect your boundaries, but he’s a very physically affectionate partner and that’s the way of communicating his support that’s most comfortable to him.

When he finds his words, he assures you that you’ll always have him by your side and that you’re strong enough to get through it. He believes in you so much and wants to help as much as he can.

Heavy:

Heavy’s childhood was also really rough, and he’s had to deal with a lot of loss and trauma. So while can’t really relate to your exact situation, he can relate in knowing what kind of damage this kind of origin can do to a person.

When you’re feeling a little down or stressed or down because of something related to your past, he just likes to casually spend time with you. He loves having you cook with him or cuddle on the couch with him or little intimate things like that. If it’s in public, he won’t hesitate to step between you and the thing/person triggering you, and isn’t against fighting someone if they’re harassing you.

He has a funny way of reminding you that he supports and loves you very simply and quickly, almost like he’s dismissing it. You know he loves you to death, though.

Engie:

Engie had a fairly good childhood other than being a little ignored at times by his father, so he can’t really relate when it comes to what you’re been through or how you’re feeling, and it honestly makes him feel horrible, but he’s not going to tell you that.

He absolutely hates seeing you upset, and he’s gonna do anything he can to make you feel better. His favorite thing to do if you’re just stressed or a little upset is just hold you or dance with you. If you’re not a fan of that, maybe he’ll make you a treat or take you somewhere you really like. He just thinks helping you relax a little before confronting the problem is a good thing to do.

You can see that it makes him so overjoyed when he helps you feel better. He just wants his Honeybee to be happy.

Medic:

Medic was raised by horribly neglectful and restrictive parents before being tossed in an orphanage after their death, so he understands how you feel. It makes it all the more frustrating for him that he doesn’t know how to help you feel better.

He reads lots and lots of books about trauma, which helps a little, but doesn’t do too much for you. You can see how hard he’s trying for you, and you do things to repay him, but it only makes him more angry because he feels like he hasn’t done anything.

In his stress, he ends up coming to you for comfort, rather than the other way around. But eventually, he finds what he thinks are the best ways to help you and he’s ready to help you on your healing journey.

Sniper:

Of course, Sniper is absolutely full of trauma, but none of it’s from his adoptive parents, so he doesn’t really have trauma similar to yours, and he hates not being able to relate at a higher level.

The main thing he does to help you when you’re feeling stressed or down is take you on trips out to the wilderness, the length depending on how much you like the outdoors. Sometimes it’s stuff like stargazing, a little hiking, or maybe just cuddling under his blankets and listening to the rain.

Though, sometimes he works up the courage to talk to you about trauma, both his and yours. He’s not the best at talking about his own experiences, but he is an excellent listener and will listen to you talk for hours and hours.

Spy:

Spy doesn’t know how to help you, not in the slightest. He doesn’t even know where to start.

For a while, he actually distances himself from you a little bit, trying to figure out what to do. But when he finds that his absence upsets you, he can’t stay away; It’d break his heart to see you even more upset.

He very, very awkwardly starts trying to talk to you about it. It’s honestly painful to watch but it’s clear he’s trying so hard. The ridiculousness of it earns him a kiss, which does calm his nerves a little.

Eventually he manages to talk you through a lot of the things you’ve dealt with in your life. And seeing how much it helped you feel better, he might work up the courage to talk to you about his own past.

[shihalyfie]

02′s themes in relation to its finale

By “finale” I don’t mean “epilogue”, but rather the final battle and confrontation that make up 02 episodes 48-50. Generally speaking, 02 is a series that is much less about progression of plot events as much as it’s about theme and message, and my feeling is that this becomes increasingly so the deeper you get into its second half and approach its ending. Narratively speaking, we need a big, bad enemy to beat up in a fight, but if we shift our perspective a bit, what does this finale say as a close to 02′s themes and concepts?

The thin boundary between good and evil

Our major enemy for the first half of the series was the Digimon Kaiser, who was later established to be the very naturally kind Ichijouji Ken -- which is a pretty massive swerve, considering that most series with “reformed villains” would usually make them a bit of an edgelord who happens to be a little nicer. But instead, the series goes very deep into the psyche of what could make such a kind child be tipped over the edge, and, even though it’s all revealed to be accelerated by supernatural interference, it’s made very clear that his own trauma and insecurity was most of what did it.

So, anyway, it’s revealed in the end that the “final mastermind” behind it all was none other than Vamdemon, an effective midboss from Adventure. Vamdemon’s popularity aside, this initially seems like a very strange choice. But looking at some statements about 02′s initial planning is somewhat revealing: the original planned concept for the final boss was a Digimon that would ultimately be reduced to only “an idea” (and was rejected on the grounds of being too gory for the Sunday morning kids’ timeslot). When you think about this original concept of “a Digimon that had been reduced to only an idea,” that explains the initially odd-seeming combo of defeating a Digimon with the combined power of idealistic positivity, because it’s a plot point that would certainly make more sense if said Digimon had been reduced to a spirit of malice.

However, the interesting part about this is that the replacement for this original final boss was not Vamdemon but Oikawa and his lackeys, which means that, substantially, the real “final enemy” of this story is actually Oikawa, and the ideological questions he poses for the Chosen Children and those around them. Vamdemon may be the “mastermind” from a plot perspective, but, ironically, his important role is actually to define Oikawa’s narrative -- and, as if to drive this in further, he’s not even voiced by his original voice actor from Adventure (Ohtomo Ryuuzaburou), but Oikawa’s own, Morikawa Toshiyuki (and this voice change is actually pointed out in the series proper, too).

So why Vamdemon and not just a random spirit of malice? Well...

Vamdemon’s presence specifically establishes the precise moment in time Oikawa lost complete control of himself -- and, more widely, establishes the connection between himself as a “Chosen Child who could never become one”. Prior to this episode, we knew that Hida Hiroki’s death and their shared childhood had some relevance to Oikawa’s downfall, but the August 3 “Odaiba fog” incident in 1999 is the exact moment where everything could completely crash down in front of Oikawa’s eyes, with Hida Hiroki having just died, and Oikawa personally witnessing Digimon, the Digital World, and the Chosen Children (and boy, the way this scene is framed with him right next to the waterfront, you might even wonder what he might have done with himself had Vamdemon not interfered...). The Digital World didn’t have a huge amount of contact with the world before then -- in fact, Oikawa not being able to make much contact is a huge part of his character arc -- which basically leaves this as one of the only moments you can have this exact moment of Oikawa being ready to go over the deep end in this way. All of his regrets, of never being able to make proper contact with the Digital World, of Hiroki having died and left him alone, are ready for him in this exact moment -- as his own lackey Archnemon had said earlier, “human weaknesses are easy to manipulate.”

Moreover, of all of the “entities of malice” that made up Adventure’s villains, Vamdemon’s the only one who brought it all the way over to the real world (where the majority of 02′s conflict is set). This brief moment of contact with the real world was established in 02 episode 14 to be the defining moment of “contact” that would lead to Daisuke and Iori becoming Chosen Children. Particularly in the case of Iori, you can see the parallel -- Hiroki’s death and the resulting incident here would shape Iori’s strive to become a model citizen and a hero as a Chosen Child, whereas the exact same incidents shaped Oikawa’s descent into villainy.

Oikawa’s “sacrifice” in the end is not really a sacrifice in terms of sacrificing his life -- it’s said outright that his body is deteriorating, and so he would have died either way. What Oikawa does sacrifice is the ability to take one more step and make proper contact with Pipimon -- it is explicitly stated that he has to use the power of the dream world to grant his wish, meaning that he would never be able to take a proper step into the Digital World as a human, and therefore would never truly be able to have his initial wish granted in the way he originally wanted.

Thus, Oikawa leaves off with one last “regret” -- that, perhaps, if things had been different, he could have been just like the Chosen Children, going on “adventures” like them. But Iori points out right after that he did achieve his dream in some sense -- he got to reunite with the Digital World, and he did get to meet his partner, and so: it’s all about mentality. All of what happened to Oikawa was because of his own closed-in way of seeing himself and his place in the world, instead of being able to move on productively from his perception of what he “could and couldn’t do”.

In the end, Iori, the one who had once been so cold towards the idea of anything remotely associated with evil, is the one to guide him to that answer, and the other Chosen Children, who had previously not been very sympathetic towards him, still grieve over his death because they understand what it means to have a partner, and the sense of loss it would entail to be separated from one. It’s the one commonality they all can understand, and in the end, none of them were really all that different; it was just what they chose to do with what they had.

This is especially because we see extensive flashbacks of Oikawa in 02 episode 47, and his design is that of a completely average adult in 02, nothing like the “look at this instant villain!” design he had during the course of the series. Oikawa was, for all intents and purposes, a completely average person who had dreams that he shared with his friend, dreams that they carried into adulthood -- it took this little to push Oikawa over the edge, and yet the things that did it were the exact same things that, in a different context, Iori took to become a Chosen Child who fought him on the other side.

False happiness and pointless fixations

Tying into Oikawa’s fixation with “regrets” and an unhealthy mentality about his own position, Oikawa blames his inability to go to the Digital World in 02 episode 48 on himself being a “tainted adult”, not recognizing that it’s his own having fallen off the deep end that’s the likely reason he’s being rejected. Oikawa is, effectively, maintaining a fixation on “regrets” and a past he can’t get back; he’s still stuck on the image of his happy childhood playing with Hiroki, and all of the things he “couldn’t do” as a child after having his initial contact with the Digital World cut off. The ending reveals that he had met Pipimon before, and so you can interpret everything he’d done beforehand -- including creating two Digimon that are ultimately his “minions” more than they’re his actual “partners” (and were ultimately ripped away from him by the very same malicious spirit that represents his nihilism) -- as an attempt to reconnect with that partner, even if it resulted in him forgetting his actual purpose.

Beyond that, the Chosen Children themselves are momentarily sidetracked by a “fixation” of sorts --

02 is a series about “accepting things and moving forward”, so each of the illusions presented by BelialVamdemon have to do with a fixation that’s holding each respective kid back:

Takeru’s idea of seeing his family together again might not be completely impossible, but it’s probably not happening anytime soon -- and, as far as 02 episode 17 and 47 showed us, relations are at least improving and everyone else is doing a much better job of actually moving on and accepting the current state of affairs than he is.

Iori’s fixated on the idea of being able to please and be with a father who’s long dead (again, his issue is technically the same one Oikawa’s fixating over).

Hikari’s fixated on a future idea and dream that she wants to see pass, which won’t happen unless she can proactively work towards it now (and the 02 epilogue itself establishes that getting there won’t be all sunshine and roses).

Miyako’s fixated on her surface mood of stress and a desire to escape it, only to be confronted with the fact that it doesn’t actually make her all that happy either.

Ken’s fixated on ideas of “punishment” and “forgiveness” that ultimately won’t get him anywhere.

In the end, the one to avoid it is the most “forward-thinking” of all of them, Daisuke, who’s least likely to get caught up in such fixations. But even he has this to say:

Daisuke understands that not everyone is as simple-minded as him, and that’s not inherently a bad thing -- it’s just that when you need to go forward, you need to go forward (and people who exploit others’ weaknesses against them are still unforgivable jerks). You need to accept that things are the way they are at current, and use the information you get from it to keep moving forward and do something productive with it rather than clinging onto things you can’t have to the point you can’t do anything. Nobody was giving anyone shame for having those internal worries that BelialVamdemon plagued them with -- it’s just that staying in there forever, instead of moving on with important things they had to do, wouldn’t be good for them either.

Hence, that’s what Oikawa actually sacrificed -- he had a choice to use his final moments to spend his remaining short time with his partner that he’d spent so long unconsciously chasing after, but he instead decides to do something to help the Digital World and reverse some of the damage he’d personally caused instead of continuing to fixate on that regret. At the very least, he can continue to be with Pipimon in some other sense, even if it’s not what he originally wanted.

The pressure to be a “perfect person” as imposed by society; the conflict between that and pursuing one’s own happiness

In the last section, I mentioned that Oikawa was the kind of person who fixated on regrets about what he “couldn’t do” during his childhood. You can identify a bit of what was leading up to this in the prior episodes:

We learn in 02 episode 47 that Iori’s grandfather Chikara made the mistake of barring Hiroki and Oikawa from getting too deep into their connection with the Digital World, considering it “nonsense”, which led to the two of them becoming disconnected from it and continuing to wistfully chase after it -- which also led to Oikawa being driven further over the deep end when Hiroki, the only person who understood that, died.

Moreover, Oikawa ended up developing a complex not entirely unlike the Kaiser’s fixation with being a “perfect” person in the first half -- and, just like how he blames his inability to enter the Digital World on being a “tainted adult”, he fails to have the self-awareness that it’s this exact nihilism keeping him out of it, taking even further offense at the idea of him being a “tainted existence” (because of what he’s embracing) and deciding that his reaction needs to be sinking even deeper into it. And while he implants the Dark Seeds into the children with the intent of exploiting their power, he also indicates that he thinks he’s doing them a favor by enabling that ideology of “becoming a perfect person” within them.

Remembering that the final battle in this series is not necessarily about the physical fight as much as it’s about the ideology that Oikawa espoused, in the end, what Oikawa really “implanted” in these kids along with the Dark Seeds was the pressure that they should sacrifice their happiness to be “perfect” people. The Chosen Children reach out to them by asking about their dreams, and the children list off careers that have certainly gotten their parents scorning them for not being “good enough” for them, or gotten them mocked by other people (Hiroshi says that he gave up on his manga artist dreams because people laughed at him for it). In the end, “the pressure to be ambitious” is pressure in itself -- what if what you really want isn’t ambitious as much as it’s something that makes you and others happy (like, for instance, ramen making)? And especially when you’re a child -- shouldn’t this be the time when you enjoy yourself to the fullest?

This is even alluded to in Ken’s Spring 2003 track, in terms of how he and Osamu weren’t able to enjoy their childhood because of that pressure:

You were demanded to grow up fast, weren’t you, Brother? Because we were always being evaluated and compared by someone, we didn’t get a chance to have more freedom. We didn’t have any chances to run down an alley because we felt like it, or pull up weeds, or tumble around… meaningless things, things that didn’t bring any value to us at all. Just like the cat napping on the roof… we weren’t able to fully enjoy any everlasting freedom.

Like Ken and Osamu, the Dark Seed children accepted the Seeds because they decided that it would be better to trade in their happiness in exchange for getting closer to that ideal of “perfection”, only to destroy their own selves in the process. Which is accentuated when acknowledging their own selves is what leads to them meeting their own Digimon partners.

Takeru had said, earlier, that the Digimon will appear if you wish them to -- and given that a Digimon partner is a metaphor for the inner self, it says a lot that the point here is “the key to connecting with your partner is to connect with your actual self”. Like how Ken managed to reunite with Wormmon in 02 episode 23 by accepting everything about himself and resolving to live with it, and how Oikawa will later meet Pipimon after having come to terms with what he was actually looking for the entire time.

And in the end, what we see of Vamdemon isn’t really all that different from the original “reduced to an idea” concept we got from the original 02 final boss concept -- remember that BelialVamdemon has effectively become the incarnation of Oikawa’s own nihilistic ideology; perhaps he took on a lot more than just a voice actor! Actually, the whole sequence in 02 episode 50 with everyone listing off their dreams and destroying BelialVamdemon part by part is relatively similar in substance to the original proposal (the staff must have been really attached to that idea). And, hence, why what destroys him for good is the combined feelings of everyone together, resolving to move forward instead of chasing after meaningless things.

Oikawa ultimately recognizes that what was holding him back was his own mentality -- everyone here, Ken, the Dark Seed children, and Oikawa himself, all thought they were becoming “strong” and “perfect” people by ignoring them, but instead ended up as pawns for others, and all of these people could have found better ways to cope with their problems through embracing themselves and finding support, and would have come closer to those “dreams” while they were at it. Instead, Oikawa exploited others and clung onto shallow symbols because he thought that kind of straightforward idealism was an impossible route for him, and locked himself out of all of it. But in the end, he’s able to do something -- he’s able to use his “dreams” to have the Digital World healed -- and with that, is able to have his last moments in happiness.

Incidentally, back in 02 episode 49, Daisuke had even outright said that there’s no inherent issue in striving for self-improvement (after all, both Adventure and 02 were about people slowly getting past their insecurities and becoming better people). Daisuke himself is a person who’s improved a lot over the course of this series! But that’s something you need to do on your own terms and in a way you’re comfortable with -- not forcing yourself into the mold of an “ideal person” at the expense of losing everything about yourself, like Ken, the Dark Seed children, and Oikawa all did at some point.

[akampana]

Continuation of this ask

Bedivere x Arturia - Ship it

What made you ship it?

TBH I was one of those few people who shipped it based on that like 2 second scene at the end of FSN. The Camelot Singularity just reinforced it. A lot came from the original Arthurian legend as well. Bedivere is similarly insanely loyal as he is in the game, and like in Fate lore, he’s been with Arthur longer than most.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

He journeyed so far for so long just to see her smile OH MY GOD BRB IM SOBBING HOLY CRAP CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE—

I’m a sucker for intensely loyal knights and I will always be. ALWAYS.

THE ANGST POTENTIALLLLLL but also THE FLUFF POTENTIALLLL

This man loved his king so bloody intensely. So strongly that his desire to see her survived the test of time. To be loved so much, so unconditionally for a thousand and a half years? Gods, that’s just too much, man. ;-;

And I absolutely adore how much it means to him to remain her knight, even if he tends to be insecure about the limb that he lacks, and how he believes he is nothing special in comparison with everyone else. I love that Arturia recognizes his strength and his worth, even if he himself can’t see it.

THE ENTIRE CONFRONTATION IN THE THRONE ROOM LET ME TELL YOU I WAS CRYING SOOOOO HARD THROUGHOUT THAT IK NIT EVEN KIDDING

THIS, the MINDBREAK Arturia goes through when she tries to remember

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I think that THIS SHIP NEEDS MORE LOVE AND I REALLY OUGHT TO CONTRIBUTE

All the other answers below cut!

Irisviel x Arturia - Ship It

What made you ship it?

I think I was bound to the moment I watched Fate Zero. When I was younger it was overshadowed by the feels Diarturia brought and not to mention Kiritsugu and Iri but this ship is damn good on its own.

What sold it though, is the argument she and Kiritsugu have in Episode 16, right after the last Saber and Lancer fight. Irisviel, who we all know loves her husband so much, forced Kiritsugu to answer Saber. That’s just how important Arturia was to her.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

I think they both found in each other something they themselves lack. It’s actually kind of funny. Arturia is human, and yet she’s so heavily consumed by her ideals that she doesn’t act like one. Irisviel, on the other hand, is not human, and yet everything that she does and wants to do is exactly that.

Throughout the anime, Being with Iri puts Saber into such mundane, ordinary situations that it teaches her to live. The suits, the escorting, being a passenger instead of a driver, appreciating the water by the seashore, etc. It's like the woman wants to leave her with some appreciation for the world, especially when she herself doesn’t have all that much time left.

On Irisviel’s part, I think she found in Saber the companionship she would have wanted from Kiritsugu during the last few days she remained on the Earth. Arturia had been the perfect knight in shining armor, taking Irisviel around to see the world as much as they could amidst a war. If they’d just had more time, I have no doubt Arturia would have taken Irisviel even more places, you know?

It makes me sad :( but in a good way.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I’m pretty sure Irisviel would wear the pants in this relationship ya know what I mean? Hahaha

Much as I love this ship, I think that it becomes all the more valuable because of how it ended. To each other, they were this brief, fleeting feeling of happiness. A love that was so short and yet so strong.

Shirou x Arturia - Don't Ship it

Hooooooo boi. Hear me out, mkay ? But this is just my personal opinion so pls no hate

Why don't you ship it?

I’m gonna start out by saying I don’t think I need to, tbh. Hahaha there’s enough content for this ship being fed to us, so my liking it or not is immaterial. But the reason is well...I watched FSN and Shirou x Saber was...not the best thing about it (the best thing about it was the soundtrack omg iconic) Shirou comes off as a bit of a misogynist, and kind of immature, and the whole time it’s like he doesn’t really listen to Arturia at all. Plus, it’s kind of like he just likes her looks at times. The final deciding factor was the date scene. That was just unbearable.

But then I go online and I see all this good stuff about them. And my friend ships them cause they’re canon, right? So, I’m like okay, what if I judged too quickly, let’s play the VN...and I did. And I still didn’t like him with Saber at all. So, I played the next route, watched the next anime, trying to redeem 1st route Shirou as much as I could but it just....didn’t happen. I think I can safely say I tried to like them. I really did. But no.

What would have made you like it?

Removing the misogyny and the immaturity and letting him listen to her. Like he should have.

At no point in their interactions did it feel like they were standing on equal ground, ever. Either he was speaking over her or the opposite. So less of that and a lot more respect.

And when you compare this relationship to what he has with like with his other two love interests, it makes this ship fall completely flat. It’s pretty...bland and honestly kind of shallow. It’s like the story just tells you they’re in love but there’s no answer to why they’re in love. Make him fall in love with her for her without necessarily forcing his need to save everyone on her.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

I may not like how they got there, but in the end Arturia was able to pass peacefully.

I acknowledge that Shirou was important and made a change in her life.

That ending scene where they meet after so long, NGL is pretty sweet.

A lot of my headcanons happen post-Shirou, so there’s also that.

Archer x Rin -Ship it

What made you ship it?

Tsundere x Cynic has gotta be one of the best dynamics out there.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

His true identity. The fact that she dragged him all the way across space and time to return as her Servant, that’s just bloody fate at work.

The fact that he keeps acknowledging she’s a strong Master despite his later conduct in UBW.

Archer is ridiculously crass and Rin is easily riled up. In the Fifth Holy Grail War, they had the best Master-Servant relationship period. They have this explosive chemistry that just works so well.

When he smiles at her at the end of the route, and you just know that Tohsaka’s gonna be stubborn enough to make sure Shirou doesn’t end up going down the exact same path.

I think it’s sweet that he ends up going along with her whims because he secretly likes housework.

THE PRINCESS CARRY/ CATCH. MAN OH MAN.

Unlike the previous ship mentioned here, these two actually stand on equal ground with each other.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I don't think it's exactly an unpopular opinion, but I think they really ought to have more official content y'know? Rin is important in every route, and Archer's the actual climax of UBW and also entirely significant across three routes.

Medusa x Sakura - Don't ship it

Why don't you ship it?

Because while journeying through the routes, I always saw Rider as more of a best friend/sort of motherly figure to Sakura.

Or that Rider fulfilled the kind of relationship that she wanted to have with Rin, while Sakura unknowingly filled the void Medusa's sisters left in her life. I thought she was more of a guardian angel really, not a romantic interest. Kind of like how Heracles was to Illya.

What would have made you like it?

If I could maybe forget about the threesome with Shirou and the implied romantic feelings Rider has for him in Ataraxia that would be great.

Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it?

Sakura deserves all the happiness in the world and I really do believe that Rider could fulfill that.

This ship DEFINITELY DEFINITELYYYYYY NEEDS MORE CONTENT

Diarmuid x Cú - Ship it

What made you ship it?

oooh this probably sounds surprising since based on my content you'd think, no i dont ship this BUT I DOOOOOOO (i just happen to hc them as bros more often)

Honestly what did make me ship it is the parallels.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

IMO They have the biggest potential for hurt/comfort amongst all the ships mentioned here.

They can help each other get through their trauma. Their whole relationship would be extremely healing and supportive.

I love that Diarmuid seems to have idolized Cú Chulainn at some point and honestly who wouldn't be honored to stand beside him, no?

They could be up to the funniest shenanigans because Cú is chaos and Diarmuid would absolutely be an enabler because when he isn't angst-ing he's super damn chill.

Bros being bros hahahah...unless?

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Not really. Maybe that I think Lancer Diar and Cascu would get along better and Saber Diar and Lancer Cu would also get along better but honestly any form is good this ship is good

[aster-ion]

Sylvie x Loki Might Not Happen and Here’s Why

***SPOILERS FOR LOKI TV SHOW***

1.  They are basically siblings

Even though they have different personalities, backstories, and physical appearances, that doesn't change the fact that they are the genetic equivalent of siblings. No matter what Timeline you're looking at, both Sylvie and Loki are the offspring of Laufey and whoever he had children with. We know this because they are Variants of the exact same person, meaning that if either of them were born to someone other than Laufey, they would have been pruned as a baby. And since they weren't, that means they must be just as genetically similar as siblings are.

Because of this, the idea of Sylvie and Loki engaging in any kind of romantic or sexual relationship is extremely disturbing to a lot of fans. It's too big an oversight to brush past, especially when the show has continued to remind us over and over that they are, in fact, both Lokis. Maybe if them being the same person wasn't such a major plot point, it would be easier to ignore the facts, but it is, and that means that Marvel is basically pushing either an incest or selfcest (depending on how you look at it) type relationship. And that’s extremely risque for a corporation as large as Marvel, especially with a character as beloved by fans as Loki. 

2.  It is terrible LGBTQ+ representation

And before anyone says anything, no, it is not because Sylvie is portrayed as female and Loki as male. I've seen a lot of Sylvie x Loki shippers say that the reason people don't like the couple is due to it being one between a male and female, but that's not true. Loki and Sylvie were both confirmed to be bisexual, meaning that they can engage in a relationship with anyone of any gender. It would be completely valid for either of them to pursue romance with someone of a different sex and still be bisexual. No one is arguing against that, and if they are, I definitely do not agree with them.

However, the problem comes in when you take into account Marvel and Disney's (who owns Marvel) long history of queerbaiting. There have been countless times that Disney advertises their "first gay character!" only for it to be a single line of dialogue or a brief shot. Marvel in particular has used the popularity of certain LGBTQ+ ships and headcanons in their fanbase to generate media popularity that they don't actually follow through with in their movies/shows. So when Loki was confirmed to be both genderfluid and bisexual in Episode Three, lots of people felt like they were finally getting a win for representation. 

But those people, myself included, appear to have been let down again. The first two official queer characters had so much potential to go off and be with anyone they wanted, but instead, the show has set them up to be in a romance with each other. Now, this wouldn't be problematic on it's own, but when you take into consideration the questionable nature of their romance from Point One as well as the fact that the show has explicitly referred to it as "twisted," it raises the question of whether or not this is actually good representation. Because the fact is, in one episode the writers went “look, it’s two queer people!” and in the next, they said “their relationship is disgusting and demented.” Marvel’s first bisexual characters being borderline incestuous/selfcestuous does not sit well with me at all.

All of this is made even more confusing when you take into account the background of the Loki crew, most notably, the director Kate Herron. She also directed the Netflix series Sex Education, which has quite a bit of very well done representation of all kinds. So how is she managing to fail so badly on this project? It makes me wonder whether she truly is just losing her touch or if this is all a misdirection. Personally, I'm hoping for the latter.

3.  It does not send the "self love" message people seem to think it does

The writers, director, and cast of Loki have said multiple times that the relationship between Sylvie and Loki is meant to act as a metaphor for self love. And in a way, that makes a lot of sense. Despite creating different identities for themselves over time, they are still ultimately the same person and therefore share a special bond because of it. And there's a lot of potential that can be done with that concept.

Loki is an extremely complex and intriguing character. He has experienced a lot of trauma in his past that has shaped him into the person he is today. And that person is clearly very broken. He has never given away or received any kind of love, with the exception of his mother and possibly his brother, Thor. Other than that, he's had no healthy friendships, romances, or perception of himself. It makes sense for him to be confused by this pull he feels towards Sylvie, who is both alarmingly alike and vastly different from himself.

Something this series does exceptionally well is breaking Loki out of his comfort zone. He is finally forced to see himself from other people's perspectives. It started with the file Mobius showed him in the first episode. Loki was able to view his actions apart from himself, and was hit with the realisation that he had been hurting people, and he didn't like that. 

Loki is also confronted by the existence of the Time Keepers and the TVA, who describe him as an antagonist and nothing more. To them, his role is to make those around him look better, even if that means he repeatedly gets the short end of the stick. Mobius mentions that he disagrees with this and that Loki "can be whoever and whatever he wants, even someone good," adding another layer of depth as to who Loki could be in the future of the series. 

Another huge moment for Loki's character development is while in the Time Loop Prison with Sif. Though he starts out annoyed with the situation and recalls not feeling apologetic when he cut off Sif's hair, the longer he is in the loop, the more he changes. Loki admits things to himself that we have never seen him say aloud, such as the fact that he is a narcissist that craves attention. Sif telling Loki over and over that he deserves to be alone makes Loki question whether or not he believes that to be true, allowing him an introspective moment where he really has to think about who he is. 

Now with all of that being said, I'd like to tie in why this is important to the writing of Loki and Sylvie. They act as a mirror to one another, representing both the flaws and strengths of "what makes a Loki a Loki." For once, Loki gets an honest, unbiased look at himself without layers of expectations or self doubt. On Lamentis, he calls Sylvie "amazing" and praises her for all her accomplishments. That's a huge moment for him because it shows that despite also finding her irritating, he can look past those traits and see someone worth being a hero underneath. And through that realisation, he begins to understand that he can also grow to love himself. That kind of character development for Loki is incredible to watch, and it's the kind of character development I want to see from this series. Unfortunately, them possibly engaging in a romantic relationship will ruin it.

Whenever I'm feeling insecure about myself and my abilities, the solution has never been to look at who I am through a romantic lens. Self love is an entirely different type of love from romantic love, so if the series tries to push this relationship as a romance, it will fail to truly represent the arc that they are trying to show.

4.  Nobody likes it 

This one's a little on the nose, but it's true. Almost no one likes this ship, and more than that, most people actively hate it. Yes, there is a small minority that like Loki and Sylvie together, but there is an overwhelmingly larger group that is disgusted and angry by the fact that the show paired them up.

After Episode 4 aired, I ranted for about an hour and a half with a friend about how much we didn't want them together. My aunt whom I have never texted reached out to me to say that she hated their relationship. My homophobic neighbour came over and told me that she would prefer any other romance to this. Friends that I haven't talked to much since school let out for summer have all agreed that they collectively dislike Loki x Sylvie. This ship has brought people together purely because everyone hates it more than they hate each other.

There is no denying that the general feedback for Loki and Sylvie being a couple has been negative, even if you support them getting together for some reason. So if there are so many people out there who don't like it, I'm confused as to how it would be approved by a team of professionals.

5.  The contradicting information we have gotten so far

Before the release of Episode Four, Kate Herron said that the relationship between Loki and Sylvie was “not necessarily romantic.” During the interview, she continued to refer to them as friends and people who found solace and trust in each other.

However, after Episode Four, the head writer, Michael Waldron, and other members of the crew spoke up about Sylvie and Loki. They said things like “it just felt right that that would be Loki’s first real love story” and “these are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another.” These kinds of comments very heavily imply something romantic, directly contradicting what Kate Herron said. Even Tom Hiddleston, the actor for Loki, has assessed the situation, highlighting the differing viewpoints. He’s also said before that the end of Episode Four ultimately has Loki getting in his own way. 

Now, this could all just be a misdirection on either side to build suspense for the show, but as of right now, it is entirely unclear who is telling the truth. Though it is more likely that the statements made by Michael Waldron are more accurate (as he is the writer), there is still a slight possibility that Loki x Sylvie won’t happen. I’ll link the articles I’ve found on this topic below so you can read them and decide for yourself. 

Kate Herron Statement - https://www.cbr.com/loki-sylvie-relationship-not-romantic/ 

Michael Waldron Statement - https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-sylvie-in-love 

Tom Hiddleston Statement - https://thedirect.com/article/loki-tom-hiddleston-sylvie-romance 

6.  It is still salvageable

The odds are not in our favour, I’m afraid. It is highly probable that the show will put Loki and Sylvie in a romantic relationship with each other. Yet there is still a way to salvage it and turn their bond into something incredibly satisfying. Like I mentioned in Point Three, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie has the potential to be incredibly empowering and provide both characters some much-needed growth. And I believe that while unlikely, it can still do that. 

The only mention of them being romantically interested in each other came from Mobius, who at the time was angry, betrayed, and doing anything he could to get Loki to talk. Then, at the end of the episode, right before Loki is about to confess something important to Sylvie, he is pruned. This results in no explicit confirmation from either Loki or Sylvie that they are in love with each other. The audience is left not knowing whether Mobius was correct in his speculations, and honestly, I don’t think Loki knows either.

Loki is no expert on love, as I explained earlier. It is entirely possible that he doesn’t grasp how he feels about Sylvie and defaults to romance because of what Mobius said. There is undoubtedly some sort of deep bond forming between them, and I would love to see that being explored in the next two episodes. I would love to watch Loki’s journey of realising that he doesn’t want anything romantic with Sylvie, and was simply confused by the new things he was feeling towards her. Loki even says “this is new for me” when talking to Sylvie at the end of Episode Four. Him momentarily believing that he wants to be a couple with her then shifting into them becoming friends who help each other grow is still a reality that could happen. And ultimately, I think that would benefit them both as characters as well as strengthen the overall message of the show.

In a show about self love, acceptance of yourself, and figuring out who you want to be, Loki very much needs people who support him. He has that in Mobius already, and now he’s beginning to have it in Sylvie as well. I just hope that it is done in a way that resonates with the audience and subverts expectations, which just cannot be done through some twisted romantic relationship. I’ve spoken to others watching the show and seen people talking online, and everyone seems to agree that Loki and Sylvie work much better as platonic soulmates or found family than a couple. 

Of course, my hopes aren’t that high up. While I’d love for this to happen, I’ve been let down by Marvel before and wouldn’t be surprised if they went for the easy route of pairing characters up rather than dealing with the emotions correctly. Still, I have hope for this series. Everything else about it is wonderful and perfect in every way. It has the potential to become a masterpiece and easily the best thing that Marvel has ever done. However, this romance would ruin it for me and so many others. We already feel incredibly disappointed by Loki x Sylvie being suggested, so I can’t even begin to fathom how people will react if the show makes it canon. I’m begging Marvel to please do better than this. They have a wonderful story to tell and a wonderful team to do it, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that they don’t throw that away. 

[vinylhazza]

ok so we all know that gray rushes/is eager about his relationships, but this time, what if the reader asks him to slow down or something? like she’s just getting started with her degree and she wants to slow down a bit, not rush into things, and eth agrees and gray is finally happy? also sorry if u aren’t taking concepts or requests lol

i feel like...low key....he needs this irl lol

this man doesn’t even have the phrase slow down in his vocabulary so when you say those words, the look of confusion that crossed over his face was to be expected. you knew you would have to spell it out for him, at least slightly. he gets in over his head with every relationship and wonders why they somehow fall apart so soon. some girls fall into that spell: the attractive guy wants me so it must be something real and true and they fall before they ever really form a strong bond, sliding to third base a time or two and tricking themselves into thinking it’s deeper than surface level lust. 

but you, you are not the ‘kick it into high gear’ type of gal and you thought you made that pretty obvious from the start. grayson gets attached easily, we all know that. you take your days one at a time, scope out the pros and cons of every situation. and you know, yeah it might be a trauma response from the countless times people have fucked you over and made you out to be a fool from a very young age, but that same mindset has helped you dodge many bullets over the years.

his first initial infatuation—it’s no different with you, but you are how do you say—hyper aware of his intentions and motives. you’ve been screwed over, toyed with, used your fair share of times and the world be damned to hell if some buff fluffy brown haired boy with amber eyes and a smile that oozes light and happiness comes in treating you like you’re this...lost treasure and you just believe him. believe all of the pretty words, take his hand and follow him into the dark, blindly let yourself love someone again not be sure of what they expect out of the relationship. and damn you if you let him swoop in and carry you off like a princess from a tall tower. like he’s this knight in shining armor. you won’t be fooled by the cloud of attraction and get yourself in too deep before you’re completely on the same page with one another. and first things first; you aren’t someone that needs to be saved, and neither is he.

you understand the puppy love stage of relationships. it’s bound to happen: the subtle obsession with your partner, that new light fuzzy feeling you get thinking about them, thinking of what they might be doing when they’re not with you, if they are thinking about you too, listening to all the sappy love songs and suddenly all you can think about is the color of their eyes after they’ve laughed real hard, the dip in their brow when they are thinking for a long time, the electric feeling that zaps your skin when they touch you, the way their voice lowers two octaves when they lean over and whisper something sweet in your ear, it’s all there for grayson. you know you’re falling in deep, and maybe that’s what scares you. maybe it’s the way you are so willing to trust him early on that leads you to the conversation of slowing things down. for the protection of the both of you, it’s not one sided.

not only had grayson made you feel secure in the very beginning of the sudden relation you had started, but he kept consistent with his actions and words. something that was unusual and strange after dealing with men that never really grew up beyond 16. at the stage of your life you’re in, there isn’t any room for a childish game of tag with a boy who didn’t have any intentions of sticking around in the first place.

you worked hard for everything you had, you always have. your upbringing wasn’t one of sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. you didn’t have it easy. it wasn’t something that you used to weazle your way out of situations, excuse your occasional bad behavior, but it was something you thought about when you did catch glimpse of your growing attraction to someone. especially grayson, who was...one of the nicest men you had ever met. charming really didn’t even cut it. but just starting on your degree...complicated things. made you really want to reiterate to him that your degree, it was important to you and you fought tooth and nail to be able to even touch a college textbook. you couldn’t be blinded by his charms and be distracted from your dreams. there were times where the world seemed dark and hopeless and with hard work and perseverance you climbed out of that hole, just to stand as the strong intelligent woman he was falling head over heels for. you didn’t get that way over night. and you sure as well weren’t going to screw up your studies because you found someone that maybe wanted to stay, maybe didn’t. if the two of you were to work out and keep developing that beautiful bond - you hoped it would be as a team, one with understanding and clarity.

in your past experience, once a man knows he’s got you hooked, that’s the green light to treat you how they’ve wanted to the entire time. their once soft caress turns possessive, trust turns to assumption and blame, dates grow less and less frequent, and are left to sit and wonder what you ever saw in the first place. tricked, manipulated, and heartbroken. it’s never been honesty, love, and acceptance first. it’s “i love you” and “i care” when their actions don’t support their claims. you promised that the next boy you catches your heartstrings and strums until you’ve fallen under their spell, you would know exactly what you’re falling for. that means taking it slow, knowing what makes grayson tick, what he hates, what he adores, what brings him peace and comfort, if he cries during chick flicks, what kind of person he wants to be remembered as, if he fears the unknown as much as you do, was makes him completely and totally happy, and what infuriates him the fastest of all, what hardships has he had to face alone, what haunts his mind in the dead of night where no one can hear him crying, and what thought makes him smile when he’s doing nothing in particular. for once, just this once, you’re heart longed to know more that what meets the eye. you wanted to know if your feelings were 3 demensional, encompassing the good and bad about grayson, or if you truly just loved the way he fucked you.

but most importantly, you wanted him to know you. know the things about you that most people didn’t have the pleasure of knowing, all while making your dreams come true.

you thought maybe it was a mistake reaching out to ethan in your time of dire need of a shoulder to lean on, but it ended up being just the conversation and pat on the back you needed. the right nudge from the right person to have you sitting down with the softest soul you’ve come to find. grayson wasn’t someone you wanted to hurt, and ethan reassuring you that by talking to him and making him slow down, it would save him from more heartache than anything.

“i think it’s going to mellow him out, actually,” ethan nods along with your words, picking at a stray strand on his pants.

he wants what’s best for his twin, which is the exact reason you wanted to have this conversation with him. you didn’t want to mess something up and be rash and childish before anything real really even started, “grayson doesn’t really do ‘slow’, so this will be good for him.”

“i just don’t want to hurt him you know? i don’t want to be another girl that leaves so suddenly when he gets a bit too much. i know those are special circumstances and he was desperate with the desire of finding that special connection...” a pause to catch your breath, nervous from the vulnerability you’re showing already, “but when i make a commitment, i keep it. i want him to know that. i just want him to be secure within his decision to want...whatever this is with me. i want to be able to know him enough that my feelings for him are justified. and vice versa...i don’t want him to think that because i want to slow down, means i want to stop.”

“he will understand more than you think. if there is one thing i know about him, it’s that he will bend over backwards to make something he wants work. if he really wants you like i know he does, he will slow it down and make sure that you are comfortable. sounds like he doesn’t have much choice.” and it’s nice hearing those words from someone you haven’t gotten the chance to grow all that close with yet. hell you’re not even that close with grayson yet. you’re in the beginning stages still, learning your way around life with him in it. independence has always been one of the things that made you, well, you - and Grayson must understand you need more time before moving forward. 

“really?” your heavy sigh shows your nerves are shot from worrying about not just school, but about the many different outcomes of the talk you need to have with Grayson. it has to happen, but you’ve never been one for confrontation even if it’s ensuring a positive outcome for both parties. 

another shrug with a kind smile from ethan warms your heart, “just talk to him. he’ll appreciate your honesty. most of the other girls got wigged out and dipped, it’s going to mean so much more that you are wanting to stick it out even if it’s going too fast for you right now.”

growing up in a family full of huggers really shows when you step forward to wrap your arms around his waist for a split second, appreciative that he listened to understand and actually help you.

“thank you e, i hope he doesn’t just think i’m trying to make excuses and leave.”

when you pull away he is smiling still, pleasantly surprised by your friendly hug. with a light squeeze to your shoulder and a soft sort of smirk playing on his lips, he gives you just the advice you needed.

“something i’ve learned being his twin; give him a little more credit.”

when  you have that conversation that had you so nervous your stomach tossed and turned all day long, you make sure you’re chanting ethans words over in your head. breathe. it’ll be fine. he will understand. give him a little more credit. he really wants you. the words play like a song through your head as you wait for him to sit back down on the white floral sheet in the softest patch of grass in your backyard. water spills from the glass in his hand as he plops onto the ground in a heap of giggles, muttering “fuck” softly, trying (and failing of course) to wipe the water off of his light blue button up shirt. it’s a good color on him, and you’re momentarily distracted from how attractive he looks in the late afternoon sun. 

when you first met grayson, he had stumbled upon you sitting all by yourself in a small park, book in hand, peach in the other, completely unsuspecting that you would catch his heart captive when you glanced up with a smile that just about made him pass out. you were still surprised months later that he had had the nerve to say a word to you, he looked ill with anxiety to even utter a word. it was a day you’d never forget - and you would try and remember that innocent look in his eye when you explain why you had planned this picnic in the first place. to talk, to listen, to understand. 

you figure if you really want to have the conversation be as smooth as it can be for the both of you, you could take it back to the very start. a simple picnic, with a lot of hope for the future.

after the laughter fit falls down, it’s time to get to the root of the issue. you prepare yourself with a deep breath in, holding in for a few seconds with your eyes closed, then slowly releasing when you look back at the questioning raise of his eyebrows. when he cocks his head to the side, you know it’s now or never. if you don't say it now, you might regret it. 

“I actually brought you here so that we could have a talk real quick,” you finally explain, making sure to maintain eye contact and drink in ever facial expression he may have - just so you know how to go forward. 

“you know you can talk to me about anything, is something wrong?” He’s so soft with the way he talks, never suspecting anything like what he’s about to hear, and it almost hurts to know you’ll be disappointing him in some way. 

“nothing is really wrong...i just think maybe...we should slow it down for a bit.” 

“what do you mean? we just got here,” he chuckles, taking a sip of his water with a shake of his head. not understanding, his fingers fiddle with the fringe at the bottom of your sundress. 

you continue without stopping, ignoring his joke and hopefully make him see you aren’t here to fool around, at least not entirely. it was a serious talk for once and you wanted him to respect what you had to say. 

“-not go so fast we miss the exciting part of getting to know one another,” you carry on to a now confused, sorrowful looking grayson, finally understanding that you weren’t talking so much about the picnic - but the two of you as a whole. 

“i still want this—still want you i mean. but i just...want us to be us for a bit and not worry so much about the next step and then the one after that and the one after that and-” 

he holds his hand up to stop you, cutting you off while looking at the ground deep in thought. setting the water down slowly, he climbs back up to his feet. you watch him patiently while he treads through the clipped grass, knowing he’s trying hard not to overreact and over think. After what feels like eternity, he sits down with his hands hanging off his knees, picking at a blade of grass he’s ripped from the earth beneath him. 

“have i pushed you?” 

sweet boy, always trying to take blame.

with a small smile you shake your head, “you haven’t pushed me at all gray. I just want this to grow - want us to grow. i don’t want you getting in too deep before you’re sure you’re ready for all of the things i’m looking for in the future and likewise.” 

another nod of understanding, he was listening close. his respect for you grow tenfold, you had the courage to not let your lust or even affection cloud your judgement and you were honest with him. something that grayson admired most from anyone he let into his life was honesty. 

“i’m not very good with slow but i’m sure you’re probably right,” he laughs more at himself than anything, “i just get carried away. especially with a woman like you. how couldn’t i?” 

always the flirt. and a good one at that. he always knew exactly what to say to get you blushing, which is exactly why you hide your face bashfully in your shoulder for a few moments before you could look back at him admiring you. 

“I hope you know that this is different though, Y/n. I can’t exactly explain how, but you should know i’ve never felt this way for anyone no matter how many times i’ve tried to convince myself otherwise in the past out of...fear, shame, even guilt. it’s different. and because of that difference, i know i can’t be selfish with you.” 

for once you’re grateful for your mothers voice at the back of your head nudging you to let your heart be open, because without that voice, you would never be sitting in the grass with a man that truly does want to respect your boundaries and looks at you like you’re made of exquisite glass. you wouldn’t have memorized the soft texture of his lips as you lean in to kiss him, or the feeling of his hand cupping your cheek. you wouldn’t know the sound of his relived sigh, or the giggle that breaks the kiss only a few seconds later. and you wouldn’t have the clarity that you so desperately craved. 

if there is one thing you knew for sure it’s that he is telling the truth. his truth shows with the delicate placement of his hands, the soft caress of his thumb on your cheek, his fingers running through your hair, and all the other ways he shows his adoration for you every day that you wish to hold on to forever. you know that the waiting and slow pace will be worth it in the end and the slow burn will turn into the blazing fire that you can already tell shines in his eyes. your hesitation has nothing to do with him but a past you would explain in due time. 

for now, you’d continue kissing him on the sheet that smelt faintly of laundry detergent, in the backyard of your quaint apartment on 26th and Broadway, with his hand in your hair, lips pressed gently against yours, and a whole heart full of hope for a long future of days just like this. 

[shadow-sovereign]

1/2 So, I've got another Solo Leveling idea. Goto Ryuji arrives in Korea thinking his plan was fool proof. He and his guild will lay a trap for the korean Hunters, leave the island and the ants will do the rest for them. Only his plan was not foolproof and he dies. And then he wakes up and it's the day he and his guild had ther friendly sparing match with the korean hunters.

2/2 So they go to Jeju island again and he thinks, this time will be different. And then he dies at the hands of the ant king again and again and again. Fortunately Sung Jin-Woo seems to be stronger then he thought. If only he could convince the brat to participate in the raid.

Oh, this is a very interesting idea. So many twisting paths a time loop fic can take. :D

I think I’d have him reset to his hotel room in South Korea. He would need a bit of time to react to his death and the unexpected time travel. If he woke up in the gym before the sparring, it’d be a lot more disorienting. He’d all of a sudden be in front of people, reacting to his death and just….I don’t like secondhand embarrassment. Ryuji wouldn’t want people to see him freaking out.

He’d be rather confused as he gets ready to visit the Korean Hunter’s Association for the ‘first’ (second) time. But his clever mind would soon be devising new plans, trying to use the time travel to his advantage.

First, he’d probably try to learn more about the Korean Hunters. See what skills of theirs he can use in his plans. He’s not one to easily give up on what he wants, so he’d still be trying to make his plan work, of the Korean Hunters dying and Japan kind of taking over? I don’t remember the exact details of what they were trying to do, how much control they wanted over South Korea.

Besides learning more about the Korean Hunters, the other thing Ryuji can control is how his Hunters are grouped together. Maybe, he thinks, they can survive long enough for him to get to them if he tries out different team arrangements. Then, sending them to different areas of the island, maybe the ant king will be less likely to notice some of them.

Eventually, Ryuji will have to concede that not only is he unable to win against the ant king, but that Sung would make their plan moot, anyway. Not only would it be a bad idea to make an enemy of someone so powerful, but with his summons, Sung could deal with all the high-ranking gates himself, leaving the weaker ones for the lower ranking Korean Hunters.

They have four days between that sparring and them all shipping out to Jejeu island. During that time, he tries to learn more about Sung, why he decided not to join them on the raid, so he can change his mind. Trying different tactics to get him to agree.

Though, I’m not sure what all he’d be willing to do. Nothing that would hurt his dignity or pride. Being too obvious about how much he wants Sung on the raid would make it seem like he thinks his guild can’t handle it.

I’m not sure how I’d have him convince Jin-Woo to go on the raid. He could always seduce him, like he accidentally did in my fic “My Love is a Fire”. It certainly wasn’t that Ryuji’s intention to have Jin-Woo disrupt his plans like that.

But I actually like the idea of Ryuji having to tell Jin-Woo about the time loop. And being flabbergasted when Jin-Woo believes him pretty easily. Jin-Woo, after all, has had to deal with the unbelievable nonsense the system has put him through. Plus, he’d be able to sense how frustrated Ryuji is with the situation, and perhaps some of the trauma of being killed repeatedly.

During this fic, I’d want to show some character development for Ryuji. Coming close to death, let alone actually dying, can make you re-evaluate some things, to think about what’s really important to you.

I’d want Ryuji to realize he actually would be upset if the S-ranks in his guild died. He was rather blasé about it in the novel and manhwa, but he died shortly after, so there’s no telling how he would have felt in the long term. Maybe he would have missed them. They were likely the ones he went on dungeon raids with, after all. He would have had conversations with them, listening to them bickering and teasing each other on missions. Seen them in casual settings as they relaxed after a raid, celebrating their success.

In the beginning of the loops, he’d be more indifferent to their deaths, thinking of them as variables to make his plan work, and assets he’s trying to keep alive for future plans. Then he keeps finding their bodies, perhaps even hearing their last words on the radio. Waking up after his own death to them being lively and dynamic, friendly towards him even as he’s leading them to their grisly end.

It starts to get to him, how much they trust in him. That his plan will succeed and that together, their strength can overcome any odds. Getting Sung on the raid stops just being about his own survival, but about keeping his guild members alive as well.

[This fic would definitely be good practice for writing these characters, developing their personalities and quirks, which would make it both fun and challenging.]

Ryuji is forced to confront his own emotions during these time loops, realizing he can’t actually avoid becoming attached to people without avoiding people altogether. Something he’s not willing to do. Instead, he’s just been trying to repress any sense of attachment, in the futile attempt to avoid grief.

He has to reevaluate how he deals with people. If he can’t avoid the negatives that come with being around people, then he should at least get to have the positives. Ryuji knows that humans benefit from friendship and romantic love, he’s just never thought the risk of grief and loss were worth it to him. But if he has to deal with it anyway, he’ll take every benefit he can get, grasping hold of it with greedy hands.

It starts with being more willing to have casual conversations with his S-rank guild members, allowing himself to start thinking of them as possible friends. Though he’d probably start off thinking of them as comrades, rather than the coworkers/employees/his people that he’s been thinking of them as. Comrades kind of feels like the halfway point between coworker and friend, plus it can be used as comrade-in-arms, people you fight together with against a common foe.

At the same time, he’d be learning more about Jin-Woo, trying to figure out what motivates the other Hunter. He’d probably want to spar against him, too, after their fight got interrupted. Maybe he’d try to use the time loops to learn how Jin-Woo fights, see if he can use that and his greater experience to last longer against the younger Hunter.

Ryuji is drawn to Jin-Woo’s strength, the mystery of his many abilities, and physically attracted to him. He starts to wonder about romantic attachments, about who he’d want in a life partner if he allowed himself that much attachment.

[I know your ask didn’t specifically mention them getting together, so I don’t know if you had that in mind. But it’s where my mind goes every time these two are the main characters of a story.]

Honestly, not sure how well I’d write this story. It sounds like a fun idea in theory, but doesn’t ignite as much excitement as some of the other ideas have. I feel like I’d write a couple chapters and then the inspiration would fizzle out. But if I ever get enough inspiration for it, then it could be fun to try my hand at it. Maybe write snippets of it.

Out of the fic submissions I’ve received, the one I’m most interested in writing is the one where Jin-Woo ends up in an alternate universe, where that Jin-Woo and Ryuji had been lovers before that Jin-Woo died. There’s a lot to explore when figuring out how the universes could differ.

[shinhatigf]

a little bit insane ahsoka and luke au

the lovely @picazos-angsty-typist inspired me to just post my au ideas as opposed to giving them away, and this one is my absolute favorite! it's an au in which 19 year old ahsoka finds the time travel crystal from the lego star wars christmas special and is transported onto tatooine right before a new hope. then she gets to go along through the original trilogy and be best friends with luke! (this is honestly just an extremely convoluted way to get my favorite characters to be best friends. this au is for me <3.) extremely long elaborations and plot stuff in bullet points under the cut:

okay so 19 year old ahsoka! it would be about 2 years post order 66 and about 6-8 months since the ending of the ahsoka novel, so she's traveling the world and doing fulcrum things, attempting to build a rebellion with bail organa. this, naturally, means she needs to hide from the empire.

because it needs to be life day for the crystal to work, that's the day this all starts (in ahsoka's original timeline). ahsoka finds out randomly that it's life day, and has a moment remembering the day before order 66, before the empire. 

she gets into a skirmish with the empire close by kordoku, the planet with the time travel stone on it. she feels a pull from the force, like there's a safe haven on the planet below, so she lands and immediately knows why: she's in front of a jedi temple. she knows she'll be safe inside from the empire. she walks in, and seals the temple with the force

she picks up the weird rock thing in the middle of the room, as it's singing to her through the force. the second she touches it, a wormhole opens up, and she's dropped directly in the middle of a tatooinian sandstorm.

we the audience know that she's time traveled, but ahsoka has no clue. and as I'm assuming she doesn't have much experience wandering ancient abandoned jedi temples (in her time, very recently, they'd been populated and upkept), she wouldn't suspect she was hallucinating. she assumed the rock somehow teleported her, but the sand and the wind of the sandstorm make it impossible for her to find the rock. where before it had been singing to her through the force, she couldn't feel anything now.

she has no choice but to try and find shelter from the storm and wait it out. she finds a sort of cave, a small hideout, so she sets up her small camp. having nothing else to do, she opens herself up to the force to meditate, hoping to locate the rock and find more information about her new situation. however, she instead discovers something she wasn't expecting: the faint and utterly familiar force prescence of one obi-wan kenobi

it feels damaged and weak, almost as if he'd cut himself off from the force somewhat, but there was no denying that it was obi-wan. ahsoka thanked the force for sending her to the rock, as she assumes it had just sent her to obi-wan and nothing else.

during this force meditation, she also discovers the planet that she's on is tatooine. this heavily reminds her of anakin, hearing echoes of their conversation as they crossed the desert from what seems like a million years ago. 

once the storm settles, she makes her way through the tatooinian desert, and just as the suns are coming up and she knows she would need to find shelter, she happens upon the Lars farm.

she meets Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew, Luke. they are kind and good people, and do not hesitate to offer ahsoka a place to stay + some food and water. ahsoka rests up somewhat, but insists on helping them in return.

this part I haven't quite nailed out yet. tatooine side quest featuring ahsoka and luke doing whatever one does on a moisture farm. I assume ahsoka would offer technological help as she's a good mechanic (perks of master skywalker) so maybe they're going around and fixing vaporators?

that day and into the night, she and luke really hit it off. she learns more about tatooine and more about how they've been affect by the war. however from the way luke talks about it, the empire has been around as long as he can remember. this strikes ahsoka as extremely odd, and wonders what else is going on, but fixing things doesn't leave much room for another galaxy warping revelation, so she doesn't dwell on it immediately.

she and luke discuss kind of everything. they become buddies bc that's important to me. the next day, she tells them she's looking for obi-wan kenobi. "do you know someone named obi-wan kenobi?" luke does his little "do you think she means old ben kenobi?" number which is fun n nostalgic hehe.

owen seems to freeze. he hasn't heard that name in quite some time, and it doesn't exactly conjure pleasant memories. he reluctantly agrees to let luke point her in the right direction, and she buys a speeder from them (they try to give it to her but she insists on paying. ahsoka ftw)

ahsoka manages to avoid the tuskens on her way into the jundland wastes and runs into.... this really old dude. this is when she really has to confront the time travel of it all. she and obi-wan have a Talk. there's still a little bad blood between them considering obi-wan was on the council that condemned her without remorse or apology, but they're both so relieved to see the other alive.

ahsoka learns that it's been 19 years since order 66, since the empire took over. she remembers the day it happened, what only feels like 2 years ago to her.

she mentions that luke helped her find him, and obi-wan freezes. this obviously gets noticed by ahsoka, and obi-wan drops the real bomb on her: luke is anakin and padmé's son. obi-wan tells her that anakin died in order 66 and padmé died with the rebellion, that he's here both to hide out and to protect luke. she remarks in her head that the whole chosen one thing is ridiculous, that pinning the entire galaxy's hopes on a nineteen year old kid that up until now obi-wan has refused to even CONSIDER training (skywalker trauma lolz) but she can sense the strong emotions from him, that he wouldn't have it in him to stand up to the empire alone, so she drops it.

as to how padmé died: i hate the way that she dies in the prequels so I am deleting it. this is my canon. she actually survives and stays with the rebellion for a good 3-5 years before she's killed in a rebel vs. empire conflict. ahsoka is especially devastated to learn about her death from obi-wan (who bail organa risked communication with to tell him, as he was also close with padmé). 

she and obi-wan spar, both to get Ahsoka's mind off of the everything about this situation and because it's been so long since either of them have been around another jedi. it's cathartic for both of them. (ahsoka beats obi-wan easily btw haha)

obi-wan offers to officially knight her as a jedi knight, as that was what the council had intended after the whole fiasco and he says "you're just as experienced and powerful as I was when I was knighted." but ahsoka declines. she isn't ready to be considered a jedi yet, and may never be.

this is when a new hope really starts. obi-wan and ahsoka find luke unconscious in the jundland wastes, and that sequence goes pretty much the same. r2 is beeping and trilling like crazy because ahsoka!!!!!! that's one of his best friends!!!!!!! luke is like "you know this droid?" and ahsoka freezes, because how exactly does she explain to the nice dude she met yesterday that actually she's from 17 years in the past and was very close with both of his parents, who both were extremely close to r2?

she does in fact explain all of that to him when they get to obi-wan's house. she has no idea how she got here or why, but she did know anakin skywalker and padmé amidala naberrie, and tells him as much as she remembers about them. luke misses both of his parents like an ache in his chest, wishing more than anything he could have known them. 

obi-wan offers his own perspective on it, and tells how anakin died (which ahsoka is just as eager to know). obi-wan, on the spot, says that another jedi fell to the dark side and joined sidious, and that anakin died defending the temple. (he obviously couldn't say that vader was his pupil, because ahsoka would see through that immediately.)

luke asks why he couldn't have lived with his mother in the rebellion, but obi-wan says that she wanted him to be safe from the galactic conflict and stay with anakin's family. (which is partially true, but the whole sith-sensing-the-overly-powerful-skywalkers was a big factor as well.) obi-wan says he's truly sorry that luke never got to know her.

after learning about the message r2 brought, ahsoka knows she has to get to the rebellion however possible and rejoin the fight. obi-wan agrees, and gives his little elevator pitch to luke about becoming a jedi and joining the rebellion. when obi-wan gives luke the lightsaber, a million memories with anakin flash through ahsoka's head. luke still comes to same conclusion at the end of that conversation: he's willing to guide them out of tatooine, but he can't join the galactic conflict, at least not now. 

however, as they're leaving, they find the destroyed jawa crawler. luke, as before, realizes it means the stormtroopers found his family. ahsoka knows that only despair waits there for him, and urges him not to go, but when he doesn't back down hops in the speeder with him (for protection and emotional support). 

luke gets to have more emotions about the fact that the empire killed his /entire family./ ahsoka doesn't try and use it to convince him to go, only offers to help him bury them. she openly uses the force to move things around and make things easier, while luke is still in shock, almost numb. they're buried next to shmi and cliegg. 

luke is ANGRY at the empire. he is PISSED. he decides to go with them to fight not because he longs for adventure, but because he wants to hit the empire where it hurts. ahsoka can recognize that isn't the thought process of a jedi, but she feels the exact same way after learning about anakin and padmé. 

now it's mos eisley time. i feel like han would definitely like/admire ahsoka at first, but ahsoka would not like him. she finds him deplorable and a little annoying, and joins in on the whole bagging on the falcon jokes. this leads to han getting his feelings hurt and he's like fine :( we are not friends then >:(. 

the interesting thing is that chewie and ahsoka actually know each other! they were both kidnapped by bossk and hunted for sport in that one clone wars arc, so they're both like "oh hey person who was there for one of the most terrifying and traumatic times in my life! what's up!" they become fast friends yet again, and chewie is like "wow you did not age at all. are you sure you're not a wookiee?"

on the millennium falcon, she and obi-wan get started on luke's training. he asks her about his parents constantly (what they were like, what they did, where they came from, etc). she also talks about what the jedi were like (providing a less rose-colored-glasses perspective, but still with a lot of positives). 

she feel the same pain obi-wan does right before they get to alderaan, and can feel bail and breha organa in particular (having known them fairly well after the ahsoka novel). 

they get pulled into the death star's tractor beam. ahsoka can feel the cold and horrible presence of vader, a sick dread building in her the closer they get to it. they go to hide under the floorboards of the falcon. han knows how the empire operates better than anyone, which ahsoka is shocked to learn is much different than the Republic or the empire she remembers. (i imagine she lived in a more transitional period, so while the empire was terrible during her time, they were only getting started.)

she tries to go with obi-wan to shut off the power beam, but obi-wan still does his "I must go alone" little number. sensing the end of something, but not what it is, she hugs him goodbye. he's still obi-wan and she missed him dreadfully. he tells her to protect luke. 

she along with luke refuses to indulge han's obi-wan slander, and when han says "great at getting us into trouble!" she says "you should have met anakin."

then it's princess rescue time as it should be. that goes exactly the same except ahsoka is much better at defending them from the stormtroopers lol. leia still does the blasting and "somebody has to save our skins!" line because I love that

ahsoka can tell immediately that leia is padmé's daughter. she had probably heard of leia, being in the rebellion for about six months before time traveling, but now having met her it's completely obvious. she doesn't vocalize this immediately though, planning to discuss it with obi-wan. 

yes I'm keeping the garbage monster scene because I think it's funny :)

ahsoka goes with han and chewie after the stormtroopers while luke and leia head for the ship. also ahsoka + han banter because I think it's funny

she can see obi-wan and vader's fight (which I'm hoping will be a lot more like their fight in rots. a new hope is incredible but the lightsaber fights got way better as time went on. their final fight deserves to be epic). she tries to run and help obi-wan but luke pulls her back. "he can handle it," he says. "we need you to help us get to the falcon."

however when obi-wan is killed, both of them are distraught. his voice appears in ahsoka's head, telling her not to face vader yet, telling her to run. chewie literally has to hold her back and carry her to the ship. 

they blast their way out of the death star, none of them having the time to dwell on what just happened. 

ahsoka and luke are both numb. luke lost 3 parental figures in one day, and obi-wan's death after going through order 66 just brings it allll up again. leia is also hanging out in the numb dead parents circle, because her entire planet got blown up today and obi-wan's death just feels like another nail in the coffin. all three of them can sort of feel each other's emotions, and unconsciously they're comforting each other with the force. it's a healing moment for all three of them

han is kind of awkwardly standing in the background. "there wasn't anything any of you could have done," he says, in a rare show of emotion. (i like han wanting to help them despite his i-don't-care-about-anything facade.)

this doesn't stop him from saying he's only in it for the money later though. leia gets to blow up at him about it same as in the movie because she deserves it methinks.

they make it to the rebellion, and a few of the people who've been in it from the beginning recognize her (mon mothma maybe?). I also like the idea of ahsoka being something of rebellion legend, having been one of the last jedi who presumably died fighting the empire for the rebellion. 

also general hera syndulla gets to be there bc i love her. she is the one who shows the plans to the pilots and explains the plan. she also references the rogue one crew because i love them also. 

ahsoka in an x-wing with the red team attempting to blow up the death star. when vader makes an appearance, she can sense him in the starfighter nearby them, the same cold and evil presence. she personally goes to fight vader and defends the rest of the team from him, somehow falling into a perfect rhythm and anticipating every move. she doesn't kill him obviously, but she gets close. the things that happen stay the same: they sustain heavy casualties, she survives the battle, han comes back to save the day, luke is the one who blows up the death star.

luke, han, chewie, and ahsoka get medals in the end, because each of them were instrumental in the blowing up of the death star (and a lot more pilots survive thanks to Ahsoka's defense). there are references to the phineas and ferb star wars special because I want it. 

there's a bit after the official end of a new hope in which she's talking to Luke like "I can't stay. this isn't my timeline. I have to go back. and if I can go back, maybe I can try and save the jedi. maybe I can fix things." however luke changes her mind. "maybe you're in this timeline for a reason. maybe NOW is when you can change things. I would've died without you in the battle of yavin. plus, how am I supposed to become a jedi without you?" luke + leia + han + chewie + r2 + 3po all convince her to stay. they are all very attached to ahsoka at this point, and ahsoka realizes she doesn't really want to leave them either.

also. because the battle is over and they all have a moment to breathe, she tells leia that she's positive she's padmé and anakin's daughter too, not just because of the physical resemblence but also her force sensitivity. there's no doubt about it.

ahsoka agrees to train both of them in what she knows, though she warns that she wasn't a master or even a knight.

it ends with the whole crew hanging out on the falcon (han, leia, luke, chewie, r2, c-3po, and ahsoka)

those are my bullet points for the episode IV section of this! if people want to see where this goes in the rest of the trilogy let me know I have so many notes about this au

also tagging: @togrutanduin @padme--amygdala @bisexualobiwanrights @grimthejedisith @senator-nahberries you get to watch me lose my mind in real time <3