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angelanimedesaray · 4 years

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Through the Looking Glass Chapter 9: April

AN: I’m getting ahead of the question now and stating that in this world, AOT isn’t an anime (Poor souls). So no, the Reader isn’t going to become omnipotent to Levi’s life/world.

They did not binge this in one day. The first round, for sure they did, but it was a little broken up in spurts. For the sake of brevity, considering this was already going to be a long chapter, I cut out all the flickering back and forth and just focused on their Movie Nights and them watching the show.

It might feel a weird mix of rushed and long, because they’re watching the entirety of Your Lie In April, but I wasn’t going to transcribe the whole show, so there’s a lot of summarizing and cutting things out and highlighting certain pieces, but its still long because there’s a LOT to cover.

Also because of how emotional this chapter is actually going to be, I want to just remind...that Levi is like, mid teens, and hasn’t gone through much of the stuff that adult Levi has been through, so in my mind, that justifies a bit more of a REACTION for some of this stuff. But he’s still Levi, and he’s still going to be reserved and such, just...not as controlled as Adult Levi.

This whole chapter is like one big lead up to the next chapter, funnily enough. XD

Also got to listen to “Constellation” by Far Out feat. Karra on repeat writing this. It felt so fitting!

I’m putting quotes from Your Lie in April in italics with quotes and an indent like this, so its clear that they came from the show. Levi’s thoughts/memories will just be in italics, no indention .

Characters: Levi, Reader

Pairing: (Eventual Levi x Reader)

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR “YOUR LIE IN APRIL”, Angst, FEELINGS, Language

Word Count: 10994

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

*Levi’s POV*

At long last, Y/N was finally going to show him those movie, show things she kept talking about. He knew plays and acting and putting on an act, but the concept of a show that was saved so you could watch it whenever you wanted without having to make people do it over and over was novel to him.

Boisterously proclaiming that it was going to be a “Movie Night” day, she’d grabbed his hand and dragged him after her like she’d used to do when they were young, despite his protests. To be fair, he didn’t try too hard to wiggle away, either, letting her pull him along to the living room as she fussed and tried to decide what they were going to watch.

After all of her attempts to explain what a movie or TV show was, she decided that the best way to explain it to him was just to show him, though she still had to stop and explain the type of show they were watching.

“Okay, so what I’m showing you right now, is actually called an anime. It’s a type of animation from a country called Japan, and it’s made from computers or hand drawn. They draw the story, picture by picture, and put it together to make the characters and such move, with actors doing their voices and recording it in time with the pictures, sound effects like bells and wind also being saved, background music, so on and so forth,” she explained as she cut up pieces of paper and layered them on top of each other, pulling out a pencil and drawing a circle on each page, moving its position slightly each time. “See, if you do it frame by frame, and then move it really fast, it's like the ball is bouncing--animation, and anime, works off the same concept, except they’re drawing everything,” she continued to explain, grabbing the bottom page and then letting the papers rapidly spring free, causing Levi to see the ball she drew appear to move along the page, even though he knew it was a bunch of individual drawings going by rapidly.

“They draw a solid background that doesn’t move, and then they add another layer on top that you can see through like glass, but they draw the moving parts on that layer, so it looks like they’re in the solid background and they’re walking and whatnot. It’s really cool--makes me wish I could draw,” she continued, putting aside the papers she’d used for her demonstration and picking up the controller so she could get them started, gesturing for Levi to take a seat on the couch. “I haven’t seen this one yet, but a friend recommended I watch it cause I love music, and I play the piano, and she said it was a really good coming of age story. I’m a little wary cause she said she wanted my reaction to the end, but she usually suggests stuff I love, so I’m gonna trust it,” she continued to babble as the screen lit up with colors and pictures like a computer screen, most of it nonsensical to Levi as she shifted rapidly past most of it looking for the specific show.

She stopped on something extremely colorful, blues and yellows and pinks and reds in vibrant color with four drawn people lying in what looked like the sky, and she abruptly turned to face him. “Are you okay with having to read what they say? The original is in a different language, so it’ll have subtitles at the bottom translating what they say. There are other versions where they redid the speaking parts in different languages, but I really like listening to the original--I feel like it really gets the emotions across because it's so well done.”

Levi hesitated for a moment, contemplating her offer of putting it in a language they understood or keeping the original and having to read what they were saying. Eventually, he just shrugged. “Whichever you want.”

“Subtitles it is,” she said, turning back to the TV and messing with a few things before she finally started the show, coming over to sit by him on the couch. He was sitting normally, his ankle propped up on his leg with one arm resting against the back of the couch, the other lying casually in his lap. Y/N, however, sat directly beside him, his arm behind her shoulders and her side pressed slightly against his, causing Levi to glance at her, mind flashing back to how she’d sat at the piano with him not too long ago. She wasn’t even glancing at him, though, gradually relaxing next to him like a kitten curling up to get warm, her eyes fixed on the colorful display that was now on the TV.

Turning his attention back to the TV, Levi studied the images in front of him, a cheerful bit of piano music fluttering towards them as vibrant and colorful images of a girl chasing a black cat moved seamlessly across the screen, much smoother than the quickly drawn bouncing ball Y/N had put together to describe what they would be watching.

If she was trying to sneak a peak of his reaction, she would catch his eyes had widened at the vibrant colors and amazing detail, the realistic sounds that came through and made him want to check and see if the piano behind them was being played, or there were people hiding somewhere making the character’s voices and singing the song as the scene suddenly shifted to what Y/N described to him as an intro, a quick prologue of sorts that set the tone of the show. Thankfully, however, she’d already explained to him that the sounds were done beforehand, recorded and somehow stored so it would be repeated to the images on the screen as they watched.

It was a little...outside his realm of understanding, how it all worked, and he had the sneaking suspicion he’d just have to accept that it just was and he needed to sit back and try to enjoy it. That was how a show was supposed to work, right? And that was exactly what Y/N seemed to be doing.

As she had warned him, the characters were speaking an entirely different language, so Levi couldn’t understand what was being said on its own. Thankfully, there were the subtitles to translate, Levi’s gaze flickering between reading the small letters to looking at the colorful screen to see what was happening, trying not to get too caught up in the details he didn’t understand, like the games the kids were playing, and how different the environment was even to what he saw in Y/N’s world.

At least the basic stuff he could easily make sense of--the main character was obviously the quiet and reserved, black haired, blue eyed pianist Kousei, and the characters were around Levi and Y/N’s age. The point of the story wasn’t clear yet, but she’d explained this was going to be episodic--it would be played like chapters in a novel, stopping at the end of a chapter before they would have to start the next one. So it might be a while before he started catching that. Right now, they were meeting characters, finding out their relationship to one another and getting hints at the history between them all.

Like the fact that Kousei lived alone because his father was absent, and his mother was deceased. She’d succumbed to illness when he was still young. That alone had the stirrings of empathy settling in Levi’s chest for the main character. He couldn’t relate to the abuse, but the desire to make her better, that somehow he could do something to make her feel better did resonate. It made him listen to their conversations a bit more, since he already had a foothold and something relatable.

Once he started drawing comparisons to the story unfolding in front of him, he couldn’t stop noticing them.

“The moment I met him, my life changed. Everything I saw, heard, and felt. All the scenery around me started to take on color. The whole world began to sparkle.”

A world of monotone, devoid of color, until he meets a certain vibrant youth who brings a sudden rush of color and life into the world around her, dragging Kousei in by the hand--as if he could ever resist the force of nature she was.

Hm. He wondered who that reminded him of.

He didn’t even notice when the “chapter” ended and the next started, his gaze flickering subtly towards Y/N on the couch beside him, appearing just as taken by the story as he already was.

However, this new chapter did bring about new questions, and was a bit closer to his grasp of understanding after watching Y/N play music for so long.

“Do you ever do competitions?” Levi asked as the characters walked around the competition and the history Kousei had at this specific building was teased, easily able to see that there was a piano on the stage despite it being a violin competition. Surely if there were competitions for violins, there were for pianos?

She shook her head, chewing slightly on her lower lip as she answered him. “No way--I play piano for myself and a few people. I’m not looking to make a career of it or become famous for it. Not to mention, I don’t think I’m cut out for competitions. There’s a lot of pressure, and they’re really strict about playing the pieces exactly how they were originally written. I want to play the piano how I feel, and that’s not always by paying attention to how it's written on the sheet.”

“And violins? What are they like?” he asked. He hadn’t seen or heard a violin yet, and was curious to hear what they would sound like.

“They’re a string instrument--portable, small. Really beautiful, too--they’re my second favorite instrument. They usually pair wonderfully with pianos--I’m pretty sure it’s common for a piano to accompany a violin in shows and competitions.”

Levi hushed with his questions again as the scenes playing out on the TV continued to unfold and the first violin performer took the stage, Levi hearing the light and lively music of the violin for the first time, the same song being performed over and over by the nondescript and nameless musicians on the stage in the show.

Beside him, Y/N was slowly tilting her head side to side as she listened to the music being played, eyes fixed on the screen. She must have felt almost in her element watching this, while Levi felt a bit more like Tsubaki, not understanding a lot of the names and such that were being thrown around by the characters in discussion, but still there to enjoy it nonetheless. When Kousei was tapping his fingers on the armchair to the piano music, Levi’s gaze flickered to Y/N to see if she was doing something similar, since she seemed focused on the music as well. It wasn’t as precise as Kousei, maybe she wasn’t playing every note in her head, but her fingers were lightly tapping against her legs like she wanted to be playing the keys on the piano.

Then came Kaori’s first performance.

Watching, Levi felt a familiarity in the girl’s intensity, once again reminded of the girl sitting next to him, who seemed to throw herself into every aspect of life around her--at least compared to him. There was a tension in the air, a feeling that this was going to be much different than the music they’d been hearing up until this point. Even Y/N had stilled next to him, eyes riveted to the girl on the screen.

The first notes were shocking. After listening to Y/N play the piano for so long, even his unprofessional, inexperienced ear could hear the shift in the sound, and how rich and deep it suddenly was. Beside him, Y/N shifted into a more upright position, eyes suddenly lighting up and sparkling as she leaned forward, her breath catching. The ripple through the audience wasn’t just in the show, but in reality, as the two of them on the couch suddenly focused entirely on Kaori’s performance.

The girl’s eyes flashed on screen, and the music suddenly leapt to life before them, making his own heart seem to pound a little faster, the sounds pleasant and uplifting to his ears, making him restless in a good way. It sounded similar to when Y/N played the piano with him that one day, not necessarily in skill, but in the life and emotion that was in it.

Like Y/N, Kaori was pouring herself into her playing, she shone brightly through in the piece, made like it was pulling back a curtain to reveal a part of her soul. Kousei even said as much, stating that Kaori was making the piece hers and hers alone.

The performance ended, and Y/N suddenly grabbed his arm with a squeal. “That was awesome! I’m going to have to find a recording of that!” she said breathlessly. Her excitement was infectious, and almost prompted Levi towards a smile as they slowly settled back onto the couch, the story progressing in front of them.

She was such a stark contrast to the black haired youth in front of her, the whirlwind to his reserved personality, but even she would show flashes of vulnerability, for his eyes only, it seemed. And he did what he could to hide what he could in order to protect her, without her ever knowing, probably.

Wait, was he still thinking about Kaori and Kousei?

Levi shook his head, focusing back on what was happening, reading Kousei’s contemplations about how he could still hear the refrain of the music Kaori played in the competition he witnessed, over and over.

Levi’s fingers tapped slightly against the back of the couch and in his lap, barely tapping out the melodies for the song they’d played on the piano the other day, music he heard even when he was alone with his thoughts in his own world, still able to feel her fingers aligned with his, guiding him through each key. He’d find himself tapping them out in rare moments of idleness, like he was still clinging to the memory of the sound even if he didn’t have a piano in his world.

Y/N shifted entirely back to her relaxed position against Levi’s side, head brushing briefly against his shoulder and making his skin tingle where the brief contact had been, his stomach squirming.

Kaori dragged poor Kousei around everywhere, usually into situations far out of his comfort zone, and far more aggressively than a certain someone sitting beside him. However, it seemed like more often then not, those situations were wonderful places that he wouldn’t have found or experienced on his own.

She brought color to his monochrome life.

Where he was hidden in shadows, she was cast in light, and she didn’t hesitate to pull him into the sun.

”I know you’re broken and beat up, but I want you. I choose you. I want you here.”

The beginning chapters seemed to fly by quickly, with Kaori pushing Kousei more and more, and beside Levi, Y/N seemed to be slowly wiggling closer to him. Was it intentional? Did she realize she was doing it? He did--he seemed hypersensitive to every motion, yet he didn’t pull away, didn’t even twitch. He stayed still, like sudden movement might frighten her away as easily as a stray cat.

As intriguing as the events on the screen were--and he was taking in the information, such as how Kousei used to have a black cat, how he couldn’t hear the sound of the piano after his mother died and quit piano directly afterwards, important stuff like that--Levi’s thoughts kept wandering as he watched.

He thought of how beautiful the trees with the pink petals were, how breathtaking every scene with them was, and how prominently they seemed to feature in every scene that had something meaningful going on. Y/N called them cherry blossom trees. He wanted to see one. What would it look like? What would the scene be if he stood under one with her?

Before he knew it, Kaori had cornered Kousei into accompanying her on the piano, and they were rushing towards another performance. Anticipation stirred in the air between him and Y/N, both of them wondering how this piece would sound, considering Kousei had already been framed as a child prodigy on the piano, and they knew Kaori was breathtaking. What would it sound like when they played together? Levi worried about how it would turn out, how Kousei seemed to be unraveling in front of them just before they went up on stage.

Before Kaori gave him a literal smack to get him out of his own head.

As lighthearted and carefree as she seemed to be, every now and then, she would drop these little petals of wisdom.

Levi’s gaze flickered to Y/N again.

Her eyes would shift from a sparkle that almost seemed naive to a depth he hadn’t expected to see, and she’d say something that seemed beyond her years.

“Go on a journey. A man away from home need feel no shame.”

“Natural. Bizarre. It’s like this girl herself is the journey with no clear destination.”

“You’re Freedom Itself.”

The couple took the stage. The song started out slow, sensual, peaceful. It reminded him slightly of the song Y/N taught him.

Before, predictably, Kaori brought her wild, fast paced playing back, bringing liveliness to the performance. It started beautifully, but just as the music seemed to portray some kind of descent, Kousei lost sense of the notes, the sound distorted even for them, listening, as if they were Kousei, only able to faintly hear Kaori while the rest sounded muffled, strangled out by water. When they were allowed to hear the sound again, it was off, it sounded harsh and jarring, out of sync. Not at all pleasant.

Considering the earlier mentioned problems, he should have known this wasn’t going to be a perfect and completely enjoyable performance. It was grating, and while he understood the emotional significance of seeing Kousei give up halfway through, his ears were a little grateful by that point.

The surprise was seeing Kaori stop as well. He’d thought perhaps something would urge Kousei to start playing again, but he hadn’t expected Kaori to stop in the process. Beside him, Y/N seemed to be biting on her thumbnail, her brows furrowed as she watched the screen in concern, a frown on her face, leg shifting restlessly around on the couch as she suddenly curled closer to Levi, directly against his side, oblivious to the surprised look he shot her because she was so focused with what was happening on the screen.

“Maybe there’s only a dark road up ahead. But you still have to believe and keep going. Believe that the stars will light your path, even a little bit.”

Kaori began to play again, the sound of just the violin playing on its own sounding lonely and out of place, especially when he knew there should be a piano playing with it. All they needed was for Kousei to play again. Would he? No excuses, Kaori needed his support, and Levi found himself silently judging Kousei, mentally pushing him to help her, to play, because that was what she needed from him.

”So what was it that you saw in me?”

“But you have me! Look up, and look at me. Look at me.”

Kousei starting to play again was a relief, even if it wasn’t quite right at first. After a bit of inner reflection, some time where they spent listening to the underwater sounds, it all faded away, and a soft scene of a mother and son filled the screen. The mother’s softly sung lullaby was soothing, and as it shifted to a scene of the sky, Levi’s eyes widened at the brilliant beauty it was, the range of color, of blues and whites and even some purples and pinks. How it sparkled and shimmered, stirring up emotions he didn’t know he’d buried somewhere inside him as he suddenly felt small again, curled up in a nest of soft warmth, staring out a small window up towards the sky high above him for the first time, gazing in wonder at the stars and moon that glittered high above him.

Words from one of the many times Y/N had played the piano for him drifted to his mind. How she had perceived her music had struck some kind of chord with him, even if he wasn’t saying anything--even when he realized he had no words to describe what he was feeling listening to her play that single song. He remembered how she’d told him that the point, what made music with her time, was how it could communicate what couldn’t be said with mere words.

The music shifted, and Kousei finally began to play, and the sound was enrapturing. There were no words--it could only be felt, what was happening between the boy at the piano and the girl with the violin.

Could he find a violin in his world? Could he learn to play it, so he could play with Y/N like Kousei played with Kaori? Would they manage to produce something similar, something wonderful like that? What would it feel like? What would the sound between them be? What would it say?

”I can hear your sound.”

So caught up in his thoughts, in the raw emotion and the music that had just enraptured them both, Levi was caught off guard when the mood took another shift.

He tensed, hand gripping the back of the couch a little harder as the sound faded away into an echo as Kaori suddenly collapsed. The hairs on the back of his neck seemed to raise, warning him of something incoming, even though there was no physical threat. He had a bad feeling, suddenly, seeing Kaori’s paler form in the hospital, seeing Kousei’s disbelieving look, the way all of her face wasn’t visible during certain key answers. It put dread inside him over what was happening with her, where this would go. A brief moment of happiness...but what did it mean in the long run? What did it matter, if it was going to be ripped so harshly away, anyway?

“It was everything to you, and you’re trying to rip that away by force. As if you were plucking off your limbs. That’s why it hurts too much for you to bear.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to forget? No, not a chance. Because you and I are living for that moment.”

“I won’t forget. I won’t forget, even if I die.”

“Thank you.”

The mood of the show mellowed drastically, far more serious notes seeping into the air around them as Kousei and those around him were faced with far more serious matters than who liked who, and music competitions. The competitions seemed to be fading into the background, a mere backdrop to the true story.

Ah…

He might be seeing it now.

There was more to this tale than just playing in competitions.

And he had the feeling he was going to be facing some...difficult scenes. Not the kind of gristly scenes of the everyday Underground. The personal, emotional kind. He was already getting flashes of past events, old emotions stirring this early on. What would come next? How deep was this show going to dig to bring out emotions or thoughts he didn’t even know he was keeping buried?

Y/N shifted again, now blatantly sidled up beside him, head leaning slightly to the side, coming to rest very lightly on his shoulder. Levi stilled, pulled entirely from his thoughts, both of them seeming to hold the position to see what the other would do.

She didn’t pull away.

Neither did he.

Her head leaned a little more heavily against his shoulder, and she got more comfortable in her position next to him. Levi relaxed, letting her do as she pleased, silently grateful for the companionable warmth her presence beside him seemed to be offering him, allowing the scarier thoughts to temporarily be soothed and chased away. It helped that the story was shifting towards the more light-hearted as well, as Kaori and Kousei began to prepare for a piano competition.

“Before your fingers touch the keys, you must determine in your mind how you’re going to play it. Why do you play the piano? Is it for your sake? For someone else’s sake? How do you want to play this piece?”

Levi turned his head slightly to look at Y/N, curiosity stirred up in his mind as Kaori grilled Kousei for his mental imagery while he played. “What about you? What do you think of when you play the piano?” he asked her.

“Hm?” she asked, pulled for the first time out of the show as she turned slightly to meet his gaze, surprised by the inquiry. “I...don’t know. It depends on the moment. Usually it’s memories, though. Certain songs make me think of certain people, usually memories with that person. Maybe something I want to do or say to them? I haven’t thought of that much before...usually I just...do it. And I tend to get lost in what I’m doing, too. I guess that’s part of the reason why I haven’t thought of it much before.”

Levi continued to look at her even as she turned her attention back to the show, barely holding back a question that bubbled up inside him.

Have you ever thought of me?

She was teaching him to play the piano, right? What would his mental imagery be when he played?

While Levi got his quick question in and mulled over his own thoughts once more, the mood shifted to something more serious in the show again.

Kaori was worried she was being too pushy, that Kousei might resent him for forcing him into the position he was in, now. That she was being too hard on him. And something that they said resonated with him, because of recent events.

“You’re suffering because of me. I’m sorry.”

Levi saw Y/N in front of him in his mind’s eye. Her eyes were downcast, lips pressed together, shoulders slightly hunched, and she was on the verge of tears after his barbed words expressing how shitty this situation was for him, how it teased him with what he could never have. Did she blame herself, for him being pulled into her world, always around her for a brief while before he was kicked back?

But again, she’d been right. Even if it was brief, that didn’t mean the time he spent here with her was worthless. It still meant something to him, and it still brought him some comfort and, oddly enough, a sense of security. From the very first time they’d met, she’d provided him with somewhere he could truly feel safe and cared for.

“It was you who swept away all the dust. For sweeping away the dust that had collected on my body...thank you. For encountering me.”

The more hints the story dropped about Kaori’s health, the more worried Levi became about the turn this story might take. He was bracing for impact, a small frown on his face as he saw the pile of medicine Kaori was carrying around with her at the competition. Kousei’s musical rivals didn’t register so much with him in the previous two chapters, because he was still so focused on what was happening with Kousei and Kaori.

Y/N had gotten up at one point by now to get a drink, bringing back a water for him to sip on as they continued the story, time passing by without either of their knowledge of just how long they’d been sitting here. Even Levi, usually so much more active, was content to sit here and watch, hardly noticing his inactivity as he drank up every scene, every word, some ringing out through his mind, others falling into place as narrative importance, worry and elation and nostalgia, as well as so much more, all stirred together inside him, Y/N curled up like a kitten at his side, his arm still leaning against the back of the couch, his hand resting softly on her shoulder.

However, while he and Y/N were falling into a position of ease, the story seemed to be starting to shift more to the relationship between Kousei and his mother, and what happened to her. Kaori was getting worse, it seemed, and they were digging into a relationship that felt, in certain ways, similar to what Levi had gone through, and not too long ago, either, now that he was forced to look at it. It made him...uncomfortable, to say the least, but he wasn’t saying anything--he needed to see where this story was headed, with how invested he was at this point. And even if it got personal, he thought he might be able to sit and endure it all the same.

”My mom’s coming from the hospital to see me perform...so you see, in order to make Mom well again, in order to make her happy, I’m gonna play my very best as a gift!”

The first hit actually made him flinch. It was slight, but it was there, and Y/N might have caught it--he wasn’t expecting it, not from the tone, or what had just been discussed, or the way the scene changed so rapidly from the cheers of the audience after little Kousei finished playing his best for his mother to the slap across his face from the ailing woman. He suddenly felt tense, his hand still on Y/N’s shoulder and his expression suddenly unreadable as the hits kept coming, making something dark and angry well up inside him as Kousei was hit hard enough to draw blood against a backdrop of the abuse he’d been suffering the entire time.

Perhaps Y/N hadn’t caught it, because she was flinching as well, and her reaction was far more open on her face, eyes watering with near-tears, a slight shake in her body, and the occasional, shaking breath.

”All I wanted was for you to get better. All I wanted was for you to be happy. And yet...I wish you would just die.”

“That was the last time I said anything to my mom.”

Levi’s grip tightened on Y/N’s shoulder, but neither of them said a word, a grimness in the air as they continued to watch the story in front of them that had started so colorful but was taking a darker turn rather quickly.

Levi scowled slightly at the switch to such an upbeat little song at the sudden end of the chapter, which would be followed by another upbeat song at the beginning of the next.

“These ‘intros’ and ‘outros’ are deceptively cheerful,” Levi criticized.

“What’s a good story without some struggle?” Y/N replied, though she briefly untangled herself from her position at Levi’s side and wiggled off the couch. “Though, I think I’m going to go grab some tissues. I’m starting to think there’s going to be some really sad or heartfelt stuff coming up. Tell me when it’s back on if I’m still missing!” she added before darting away, leaving Levi to sigh quietly to himself and look up at the ceiling, keeping track of the show in front of him as he waited for her to run off and come back with a colorful box, squirming back into place beside him and letting his hand return to her shoulder as she placed the box next to her on the couch, sighing contently.

“The show must go on!” she insisted, face devoid of the strong emotion they’d been sharing just a few moments ago. She settled next to him with a soft sigh, the sight of Kousei struggling at the piano returning where the previous chapter left off.

They watched him struggle against the ghost of his mother, trying to force himself to play through it, to play even though he couldn’t hear, even as the sound grated on them. Watched as he slowly gave up, until he stopped entirely before the song was even over, just like he had with Kaori.

Part of him had expected Kousei to have some kind of revelation just before he quit and push through, but he’d really stopped. Now it just remained to be seen if he could start again. Of course, after his performance with Kaori, they knew he was disqualified. But would he find a reason to play anyway, like she had?

”Even the you that’s here inside me, won’t let me give up. That day, I wonder. What did you play for?”

Levi felt the ghost of her fingers on his again, unaware that he was tapping the keys against the skin of her shoulder at the memory.

Once more, the sound changed as Kousei found his reason to play. The girl who’d changed his world from monotone to color, who dragged him into a whirlwind of life without giving him the chance to think twice about it.

“Just one person matters to me. Only you matter. Thank you...Will it reach her? I hope it reaches her.”

”Your hidden emotions. The you that you’ve never known. The piano drags out everything…”

Levi’s gaze once more was unfocused on the screen as he was swept away in a sea of his own thoughts, thinking back to the times he’d listened to Y/N play. What had he been hearing those days? What would he hear in her playing in the future? If he put enough effort into learning to play as she tried to teach him...could it help him communicate some of the things he struggled to say? It was at least worth giving it a shot.

And he would be sure to pay closer attention in the future to see what he could hear, what he may not be aware of.

The pacing lulled into something more relaxed once more, a brief reprieve after the emotions that were just thrown at them, allowing him and Y/N to talk a bit more, both of them keeping one eye on the subtitles even as they made little comments about what they’d heard so far. The unspoken love triangle? Maybe it was a triangle. The romantic feelings were crisscrossed and all over the place between this group of friends. They commented on their observations about Kousei and Kaori, what they thought was going to become of the two as they watched, whether Kaori or Tsubaki would end up the one with him in the future.

Music was another thing they talked about, obviously. How they wanted to hear Kousei and Kaori play together again--and were excited they had the chance to with the upcoming concert. Y/N also expressed how she loved Chopin pieces, and as a result was happy about how many Chopin pieces were in the show so far and was hoping to hear more. She also mentioned that Love’s Sorrow, the song they were working on now for the concert, was a beautiful piece--mournful, obviously, but beautiful. She even offered to help him learn it when he got more used to the piano if he wanted to.

Levi was a little distracted, though, by the further warning signs that something was going to happen to Kaori. In the same stroke that he contemplated how she had a skill for seeing the beauty in the world, like Y/N tended to do for him, she said something ominous that further solidified a growing suspicion that Levi was keeping in mind.

“You know, I’m not always going to be around to help you.”

As worried about Kaori as that line made Levi for the context of the show, it also reminded him of his own situation with Y/N. He helped when he could, but he was absent so often...and it worked both ways. He was perfectly capable of taking care of himself when he was on his own, but Y/N he worried about. What if something serious happened when he wasn’t around to help her? Would she be all right? Would she be able to take care of herself until he could be here to help her?

It was another line that resonated with him, another one that was going to burn in his mind and make him brood over their situation. This show was rife with them, and it had his emotions all over the place, despite his outward calm posture.

He had no way of knowing just how strongly the next chapter was going to hit him.

He was as riled up as Kousei after hearing that smart mouthed kid claim that the music Kaori made was just disastrous noise. If he’d ever heard someone say that about the music Y/N played, he was liable to sock them in the mouth. Honestly, after that comment, he’d thought that the focus was going to be on Kaori again, even with all the recent focus on Kousei’s mother. That misconception was quickly fixed, though, when the chapter began with a flashback to Kousei’s mother and how he became a pianist, further reinforced when Kousei started to play and they were given the first glimpses into his thought process, and what his new mentor--his mother’s old friend--was thinking.

Kousei’s mother’s favorite song, Kousei’s lullaby.

”Would she have played it like this?”

Kousei was curled up against the wall in the darkness of a room with no one else, knees pulled up to his chest, head buried, trying to shut out the world, the woman who’d known and been close to Kousei’s mother finding him in the darkness as Kousei cried out for his mother, for someone to help him, save him. Levi tensed, going completely still beside Y/N with his gaze riveted on the scene in front of him.

”That son of ours is about to bid you a last farewell.”

”Will it reach her?”

Levi’s jaw clenched, his teeth grinding together as he attempted to keep a lid on the emotions that were trying to rise inside him again.

“After I’m gone, what’s going to become of Kousei? Will he be able to earn a living?”

There was a pressure on his chest making it impossible to breathe and a forceful pain in his throat that was pushing right at the back, like there was something stuck there that wanted to come out but couldn’t, because he wouldn’t let it no matter how much it pushed.

”What a terrible mother. There’s nothing I can leave that boy...”

His breathing ground to a halt except for the barest, shaking whisper through his nose.

“I wish I could’ve stayed with him longer...Will my treasure ever find happiness?”

Eyes fixed on the screen, Levi suddenly felt the overwhelming need to bolt, could feel his fingers and legs twitch like he was about to without warning, but the music was reaching a crescendo, and he thought maybe, just maybe, he might be able to make it through this, even as the pain in his throat and the pressure on his chest seemed to grow more crushing, more painful, so much harder to contain.

”Do you think it reached my mom? The way I played my very best? Do you think it reached Mom?”

“You two are connected, aren’t you? Of course it reached her.”

Kousei broke on screen, and Levi suddenly realized he wasn’t going to make it to the end of the episode. He needed to bolt now or he might shatter.

Levi tapped Y/N on the shoulder to get her to move, not daring to look at her and possible see her a crying mess already at the emotional scene. He gave a brief, “I need to take a shit,” that he managed to get out in a steady voice past the pain in his throat by some miracle, and then stood up, the brief statement her only warning to shift before his movement accidentally dumped her on the ground. He didn’t run to the bathroom, that would be too much of a tell. Instead, he got up calmly and made his way to the bathroom, not hurrying his step until he was out of sight and already halfway up the stairs.

By the time he reached the bathroom, he couldn’t hold it back any further, safely locked behind the bathroom door with the water in the sink running seconds before he finally choked on the feeling in his throat and chest. A strangled sound left him, and he leaned over the sink, trying to catch his breath even as his body tried to make him sob. His breaths hitched painfully, a slight shake in his hands before they clenched the edge of the sink, shoulders hunched and teeth grinding painfully as a soft whine escaped his rigid body.

Y/N was waiting for him. He couldn’t stay up here forever, but he at least had to get ahold of himself before he headed back down there. Out of stubborn determination, Levi tried to gulp in air and steady his breath and hands. Once he had a strong enough hold of his breathing, he cupped his hands under the water and splashed some of it onto his face to help calm himself down.

Only when he felt his composure had returned, Levi dried off his face and hands, then carefully made his way back downstairs, well-aware that the chapter wasn’t even over, and there were still several chapters left--nine, according to Y/N.

A lot could happen in nine chapters.

Levi calmly returned to his seat on the couch, Y/N giving him a quizzical, examining look before she resumed the position they’d been in before resuming the show in the exact spot he’d left--thankfully, it was after Kousei’s breakdown, so he wouldn’t have to see any of that again.

That didn’t, however, mean that he was in the clear. No, now that they had put a neat little bow on Kousei’s struggle with his mental image of his mother, they were moving on to the one who had been concerning Levi since one of the first few episodes.

”There’s an ever present sorrow hanging over Arima’s music...Then it’s a demon’s path he must walk. His growth is spurred by sorrow. If he walks that path, he might have to lose someone to move forward.”

Kaori was in the hospital again, and Levi felt the uneasiness and dread about the direction this show was taking grow substantially. Especially as Kousei ran inside the room and saw Kaori in the exact position his mother had been in. The way this show was starting to dig at some subconscious and deeply buried pains and fears of his that he would rather keep far from the front of his mind, but it kept plodding on, and he felt far too invested now to just leave it where it was. The curiosity and need to know what happened next would eat away at him if he asked Y/N to stop it there--plus, asking that might tip her off that something about it was upsetting him, considering at this point he couldn’t claim he was bored with it.

”You’re gonna be fine, right?”

“I can see you again, right?”

“You won’t leave me like my mom did, right?”

At this point, the focus on Tsubaki and Kousei’s relationship was a much needed break from the reality and darker questions being asked with Kaori and Kousei right now, questions that he had asked himself from time to time regarding Y/N, questions and concerns he didn’t want to think about for his own sanity. What was happening with Tsubaki was more lighthearted, less grim, even if it was confusing and brought up even more questions to ask himself. After all, Tsubaki was being faced with the question of how she felt about Kousei--the boy who had been her friend since they were little, who she was falling in love with no matter how much she tried to deny it, who she had always been beside and wanted to be beside forever.

It made him wonder. He and Y/N were friends--had been for years now. She was there for him during his darkest moments, and he’d been there for some of her scariest moments. Yes, they were friends, but...was it starting to go deeper than that? Did he feel closer to her, somehow?

Her hands had felt warm against his when they played the piano together, pressed against one another with his arms around each other so they wouldn’t get in each other’s way. His skin had tingled where she touched him when she’d taken care of and cleaned him up after that fight. He felt comfortable sitting beside her now, with her leaning against him, her head on his shoulder, despite how borderline intimate it felt.

Had she felt something similar? They hadn’t really looked at each other in these moments--they’d been avoiding looking at each other whenever something like that happened, so he had no idea. Was she aware of just how comfortable he was around her? How different that was for him? Did she have any clue how important she was becoming to him, how big a part of his life she had gradually become despite the very real distance and difference between their two worlds.

This entire time he’d been drawing similarities between them and Kousei and Kaori, when perhaps the comparison should have been with Tsubaki and Kousei.

It sure as hell might make him feel better, considering he was rather sure she had a terminal illness. After growing up in the Underground and with the experiences he had so far, fatal illnesses were something he could spot, especially when there were as many warning signs as there were for Kaori. She only seemed to be getting worse--he was pretty sure she’d been told she was going to die, even though there was no audio for the moment to confirm it. Since the first episode, Kaori had been centered on making an impression, about living on in the memories and hearts of others--she was clearly afraid of disappearing without a trace after she was gone.

Still, amid all the aching and pain, there was still flashes of hope as Kaori struggled against her illness, and more moments that made him think about the relationship between himself and the girl next to him--more damn connections between them and Kousei and Kaori, which did nothing to sooth his nerves and fears he didn’t even know he had.

“Why are the sounds you make so beautiful I think I’m going to cry?”

“That devotion you showed. Her heart had turned grey, and you gave it color.”

Had he managed to give her what she gave him? He felt like he didn’t have anything to give, coming from the dreadful world he did. She was always the one bringing color into his life, had he ever brought color to hers? Would he ever be able to? His world, his life, was ugly and dark and probably tragic. What could he offer her out of that?

”Did I reach him?”

“You don’t have the time to see me.”

“It’s not about time--I want to see you.”

The chapter started so calmly--discussion about the next round of the competition, Kaori continuing her struggle to get better, Tsubaki finally admitting her feelings for Kousei in a way. Levi even made a quip about how Watari and Kaori really needed to stop dragging him along as the awkward extra in their group, practically rubbing it in his face even if it was unintentional. There was even another moment of resonance with something Tsubaki said to Kousei.

“So you won’t lose your way, so you won’t have regrets, I’ll stay by your side forever.”

Still, he should have seen it coming. It shouldn’t have surprised him, considering he was well aware of the cruel shittiness of the world, even if Y/N wasn’t. All this time he’d spent bracing himself with the hints of just how bad Kaori’s illness was, the ominous lines of hers. All the lightheartedness and self-discovery of the past several episodes came crashing down with the emergency with Kaori as, from what Levi could see even though they clearly had far more advanced medicine that Levi knew nothing about, Kaori had some kind of close call, a brush with death, right in front of Kousei. And then with the damn cat getting hit and dying literally moments later, Kousei having to wash the blood off of his hands and breaking down in the wake of everything that was happening. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but it still ached to see it.

And there were two chapters left. Realistically, he doubted that Kaori was going to recover in two chapters after all this time. By now, he was certain that she was going to die by the end of the story.

She wasn’t even gone yet, and Kousei had already given up. Levi had seen plenty of people reach that point. No fight left, no will to move. Kousei was right back in the position he’d been in at the start, the impending loss of Kaori the final nail in his coffin, his breaking point.

“Why does it have to end up this way? I can’t...go on. No more...I can’t try anymore.”

He hadn’t hit his breaking point--he hoped he never reached that point. But he was sure even he had one, even if he wasn’t sure where his limit was.

Levi blinked at the white fluttering from the sky on screen. A novel sight he couldn’t ignore or just accept. Snow, Kaori called it.

So that was what it looked like. One of the many things he’d heard about but hadn’t seen…

“Have you seen snow before, Levi? Since you live Underground,” Y/N suddenly asked from where she was curled up into his side, head turned to look at him curiously. Levi shook his head no, and she hummed. “You’ll have to show up some time in the winter so I can show you all kinds of awesome things you can do when it snows. It’s cold, but it’s fun. And everything looks so clean and pure...my favorite things are the trees encapsulated in ice,” she said with a wistful sigh, eventually quieting down as the scene on the screen continued to develop.

Maybe one day. But he would have to come through not only when it was winter, but on a day that there was snow, and he had no control over when he blipped over into her world.

Blipped, blip...her word for when Levi flickered into and out of her world. Clearly, it had caught on even in his mind.

“The people I care about keep leaving me...I’m going to be left all alone.”

Inwardly, Levi felt himself flinch, and that desire to bolt was trying to rear its head again, the desire for her to shut it off and spare him these comments that kept digging into the darker corners of himself, the weakness he kept hidden away for no one to see.

“But you have me. But you have me.”

For the first time, Levi felt Y/N’s hand give his little squeeze on his knee as Kaori repeated her sentiment to Kousei.

Perhaps the feelings were mutual. Maybe he wasn’t the only one drowning in emotions on the inside and drawing parallels while they watched this show, if she was giving him a little squeeze after those words. After he registered that he had felt it, and he hadn’t imagined it, he gave her shoulder a small squeeze in return.

“I’m going to struggle as hard as I can. Struggle, struggle, struggle, like there’s no tomorrow.”

“You gave me this desire to cling to the time that I spent with you. Aren’t you going to struggle to? We’re so good at struggling.”

Hell if that wasn’t the story of his life so far, right there.

Collectively, the two of them held their breath, watching as, after Kousei declared how useless it was for him to even try to play in the state he was in right now, Kaori got to her feet on her own, and the sound of the violin softly flickered towards them from the screen. It was like the music was from a dream, her imaginary violin ethereal, Kaori lit up by a flurry of snow as she played to a crescendo and smiled at Kousei.

“See, miracles can happen just like that.”

Shaking, legs trembling, sweating, collapsed into Kousei’s arms with a breathless laugh, clinging to him like a source of comfort. It wasn’t her reciting of the things she knew about Kousei, or what she wished she knew, that drew a response from him, but her heartfelt pleas with Kousei as he held her in her arms.

“I’m scared. I’m scared! Don’t leave me all alone!”

That was why it was familiar. That was how Y/N had held him when…

And perhaps the reason he’d lashed out when he’d found out about how fleeting this world was for him had been because…

Levi shifted, and it was only when Y/N started to pull away did he realize he’d been shifting to get up and walk away, to bolt. When she fixed him with that questioning look again, not-yet-spilled tears in her eyes from the emotion of the scene, her hand still fisted in his shirt, it brought him back to what was happening in the present, and he shook his head as if to dismiss the movement as he sat back down, relieved when the scene changed again.

Considering it was going to the competition and Kaori’s surgery at the same time, he doubted he was going to get much of a reprieve before the emotions hit again. Kousei was still a mess, though it was a miracle he’d at least shown up to the competition, but even watching him was worrisome, wondering if he was going to break at the piano again after all this progress he’d made throughout the show, everyone watching in concern in the show and on the couch.

“I made you remember something you don’t want to remember…”

“I won’t forget, even if I die…”

“You can just forget about it all, like you’ve pressed the reset button…”

“I guess maybe we never should've met, huh?”

Levi had to close his eyes for a moment after that one, sucking in a sharp breath. It was like it had come right out of his denial of their entire situation, how angry he’d been, the pain it had caused, how for a few moments, he’d felt like it would have been better if he could forget it all, if they had never met, because then he wouldn’t know about what he could never have. His heart ached painfully, the words reverberating not in his mind, but in his bones as the pain in his throat already seemed to be returning.

He opened his eyes, and on screen, Kousei started to break down again, face in his hands, on the brink of tears seated at the piano, on stage in front of everyone once again.

Tsubaki sneezed, and after a few moments of reflecting, after realizing how many people he knew were there...Kousei finally began to play, the notes reverberating deep inside his chest in a full, resonating sound. Something about it made him nostalgic, but also so...it was so…

“Bursting with such mournful color.”

The chapter suddenly came to an end mid performance, which startled Levi--especially when Y/N darted forward so suddenly to grab the remote and quickly jump to the next one, immediately snapping back into his side, clutching to his clothes like her life depended on it, curled into a ball as he realized for the first time that tissue box was suddenly right in front of her, easily accessible.

The last episode.

Considering the set-up, neither of them were going to get through this last part unscathed emotionally.

It started from the beginning of the piece this time, the commentary being made by the onlookers and Kousei different this time, centered entirely on Kousei after the very beginning. Levi and Y/N were both enraptured by the performance though, holding to one another on the couch with gazes fixed forward, completely still, even their breathing slight as they paid full attention to every word, and let the music pull them in deeper into the emotional symphony Kousei was creating with just the piano.

“I’m so scared...Somebody…”

“But you have me.”

“I’m not alone. From the moment that we meet someone else, none of us can ever be alone. We’re all connected.”

Levi’s grip tightened slightly on Y/N’s shoulder again, and he felt her grip tighten in return.

“Don’t leave me all alone.”

“Dummy, you have me.”

“Inside me...you exist.”

Y/N nuzzled into his side like a cat, and he thought he felt his shirt starting to get damp. He ignored it, keeping his grip on her firm and steady, staying still beneath her as he stared stalwartly at the screen, even as the emotions were starting to stir violently around inside him.

”No way am I going to leave you all alone. Reach her. Reach her. Reach her. Reach her.”

The scenery changed entirely, like Kousei was playing in the sky amid a shower of colors, floating around like leaves that autumn day when he and Y/N had jumped into the piles and sent them scattering into the air. Kaori’s whispered ‘Thank you’ as Kousei carried her back down the stairs sent a shiver down his spine, especially when Kousei of the present reacted, and turned his head to see Kaori materializing beside him, violin in hand.

Beside him, there was suddenly a whine from Y/N, and a rather large sniffle, as well as that damp feeling on his clothes starting to spread. She trembled slightly beneath his arm and hand, and he realized she was starting to cry rather heavily, her face partially buried in his side.

The music was jarring, disorienting, suddenly intense and tragic as Kousei closed his eyes, barely holding back tears.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

And there it was.

Kaori’s rich violin playing joined into Kousei’s suddenly mournful and tragic playing, and Levi realized that they were witnessing the last time the two would get to play together. It couldn’t happen again in body, but at least in spirit. Words weren’t needed for this moment. Nothing was said between the characters on the screen, and not a word was spoken between Levi and Y/N. She was continuing to cry into his side, with Levi starting to semi-awkwardly rub her shoulder to try and comfort her even as his own heart seemed to be pounding painfully at the sight in front of him, every note piercing him deeper than he thought possible with the raw emotion behind and pure weight of this single moment. All there was at this moment in time, was him, Y/N, and the music being created on the stage in front of them between Kaori and Kousei, one last time.

A sob broke past Y/N’s control as the colorful day turned into a rich night, and Kaori stopped playing. Levi held his breath, watching as transfixed on the scene as Kousei was transfixed on Kaori, the music softening for the briefest moment before it started to turn slow, mournful, and tragic again.

”Wait...please don’t go!”

As Kousei started to beg Kaori to do all of these things with him again, good and bad, Levi felt the pressure on his chest return, the burn in his eyes and the clench in his jaw, the pain in his throat. Memories of his own were flickering before his eyes in place of what Kousei begged of Kaori.

A small hand offering a still-warm roll. A splash of cool water to the face with shrieks and giggles filling the air. The security of being able to lean comfortably against a warm back with the sun shining down from above, hands gripping his legs and his arms wrapped around the girl who carried him home on her back. The cool taste of ice cream as they leaned against the brick store. A gentle hand rubbing soft circles on his back as he slipped in and out of lucid thought in his feverish state. The sound of hope amid darkness that they managed to create together despite his crude piano playing. Her hand even now clenched tightly in his shirt seeking comfort, like when he’d led her home in the dark through the desert.

His hand was stretched out before him, pulled along by the girl that suddenly disappeared when he closed his eyes. He tried to reach a little further, as if his fingertips could press past some veil between his world and hers, so he could reach her even for another moment. The warmth and the softness of the comfort she wrapped him in evaporated into smoke between his fingers, disappearing in translucent curls, leaving him with nothing to hold, the weight of her presence suddenly disappearing.

What if one day he didn’t come back?

What if one day it all just...ended? Without any warning? The only sign that he would never return the passage of time and gradual loss of hope?

“Don’t go, don’t go, please don’t go, please don’t leave me behind!”

Y/N was sobbing openly into his side now, but she didn’t move to stop the show--she kept watching it. Levi was unaware of the fact that his hand was shaking against her shoulder, all of his effort on keeping the emotions bottled inside him as he watched Kaori disappear before Kousei’s eyes in a flurry of petals, swept away by an indifferent wind.

The rest of the last chapter seemed to pass by in a blur, Levi spending most of that time trying to work his way down from the emotions that scene had stirred up in him, glancing over at Y/N to see a collection of tissues around her while her gaze remained fixed forward, still a blubbering mess over the events that were unfolding on screen. Shards of Kaori’s letter made it through to Levi, certain fragments sticking with him in the moment, others slowly settling in likely to make an impact on him later.

“I want Kousei to play the piano for me!”

He understood that sentiment. He loved listening to Y/N play for him, it was one of the many reasons why he brought it up so often. Sure, it was nice she was trying to teach him to play, but the true moment of enjoyment for him was when she played for him.

“Isn’t it funny how the most unforgettable scenes can be so trivial?”

“None of it was trivial.”

No, none of it was. From playing card games in her room to playing tag on the playground, or eating frozen treats on the steps while they played simple games with their hands. Every little moment was one Levi kept stored away, a secret trove of memories just for him and her, something bright and...something that the Underground couldn’t corrupt, because it couldn’t reach or touch this world or the girl at his side.

“Was I able to live inside your heart? Do you think you’ll remember me at least a little? You better not hit reset. Don’t forget me, okay? That’s a promise, okay? I’m glad it’s you, after all.”

Like Y/N said, just because the moments were fleeting, didn’t mean they didn’t matter. Even if they stopped one day, for whatever reason...at least he would have everything that had come before, the memories, the moments that nothing could take away. He didn’t think she would want him to try and forget, anyway. And a part of him wouldn’t want her to forget him, either. Unlike everything else in his life so far, he wanted this good thing to last, one way or another.

“Will I reach you? I hope I can reach you.”

This time, when his mind procured the image of his hand outstretched in front of him, trying to catch the disappearing back of the girl in front of him, fingers finding nothing but air, he let his hand squeeze slightly against Y/N’s shoulder once more, reminding himself she was right here in his arms right now, and not to take that for granted. Maybe sometimes she’d be out of reach, but right now, she was right here. She wasn’t always out of reach. He’d just have to make each moment he was here count for something.

Thankfully, she already seemed pretty good at making that happen, so he felt like he wouldn’t have to worry about it too much. She was always taking him by the hand to have him run with her wherever she wanted to go and explore, and so far, she hadn’t made him regret following her on her little adventures.

She made his life colorful.

“Thank you for being my friend, Levi.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you.”

Next Chapter---->

Levi Tags: @clary-quinn @humanitys-hottestsoldier @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea

Through The Looking Glass Tags: @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie @tartheyes @super-peace-fangirl @huntersbunker @nefelimalfoy @soft-levi-girl-blog @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal @sugas-daddy7 @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife @sanrioclit

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mejomonster · 4 years

Text

ok so idk if this will make sense but.

to me, bai yu IS how i picture Zhao Yunlan. Like hands down, the exact image in my head whenever I read the novel.

whereas, while i absolutely LOVE zhu yilong’s version of Shen Wei, and think it perfectly matches the vibe i get in the book for shen wei - he isn’t the ‘only’ Shen Wei i can imagine. If that makes sense. (although i don’t think i could imagine any actor doing Shen Wei better)

when i read, Shen Wei as a character is just like? I can picture him in a handful of various ways that are all roughly the same ‘impression.’ But it can vary. Like, I could see Shen Wei calmer or wilder or just ‘slightly varied’ from what Zhu Yilong ended up doing for his performance. I love his performance, and its probably what i’d want if i had the choice over any other way to depict shen wei. But i do think the book leaves more room for variation in what i could picture? if that makes sense.

Yet whenever I read Zhao Yunlan, every single pov moment, every single character near him interacting, every piece we get of him - it just absolutely screams and resonates with the version of him bai yu performed. Like, the depiction in the book is just So Specific to me, so vivid to me, and in my mind only bai yu’s version can really like ‘perfectly’ match what i can picture. Even if i could imagine zhao yunlan looking different, i can only imagine him the same way bai yu did the mannerisms and behavior and tone of the character. it just matches so well with the depiction in the book as i interpret it. He completely embodies what Zhao Yunlan is in my head. I deeply appreciate however the fuck bai yu managed that. I’m not entirely sure if its on the actor, or the writing for zhao yunlan in the book is just Very Distinct to me. But because the writing is so distinct to me, it was critically important that the show Zhao Yunlan could manage to land right - if he was depicted less on-point the whole character would’ve felt thrown/different. Whereas, I do think Zhu Yilong could have approached Shen Wei in a few varying ways, and they all would have probably felt satisfying (maybe because to me, the book leaves more unknowns in what Shen Wei is like at first).

And now, if anyone’s ever read Silent Reading by Priest? I kind of notice layers of ‘distinctness’ for those characters in the writing too. To me, Luo Wenzhou is just this INTENSELY specific character vibe, and its really hard for me to describe or nail down. As in - I can’t even PICTURE an actor who could maybe play him in my head. He is very specifically depicted the way I read him and interpreted him. I’ve seen the donghua trailers... and I think Fei Du feels right, but Luo Wenzhou I have a LOT of reservations about already based on design alone. (But good voice acting might make that up). While I think Fei Du is a very well defined character as well - his specific personality I think is easier for me to picture many-an-actor managing to depict in a satisfying way. I could see Zhu Zanjin easily handling Fei Du and his layers, Zhu Yilong (except not being young enough lol) could easily handle his traits and range. Liu Chang could probably handle it fine. As long as an actor can grasp the character, its relatively straightforward as long as the characters nuance is remembered.

But with Luo Wenzhou? Damn is it hard for me to figure out how a real person could Nail his character. He’s described as “captain china” as a joke like Captain America. He also has a shitty car and rides his bike to work, often picking up food for his team on the way into work. This man is 30s and aging, but still casual - living in a small apartment with his stubborn cat. He’s out as gay, he has a long time best friend and they both helped half-raise/look after a kid who was a side effect of one of the early ‘death’ cases they handled in their career. He’s both a team leader and a best friend - unlike Zhao Yunlan, Luo Wenzhou is NOT someone who pretends. He’s very forward, he acts like a mentor, like a protective friend, is very nurturing, and grounded about the failings of what can be possible although he wants to be helpful, he isn’t shy about his position as both authority and a more regular person than mr super-rich-Fei Du. I picture someone who looks kind of rough and ‘everyday’ like maybe Wolverine/Logan without quite so much muscles and anger (like Wolverine when he’s fucking off in the countryside). I picture someone who looks relatively heroic, but he can easily blend into the background ESPECIALLY next to Perfect-Hero-TM-vibe Tao Ran or pretty-shady-superrich-playboy Fei Du.

Maybe I could picture Huang Xiao Ming handle him??? But only if he got scruffed up to be less ‘ideal standout’ and only if he can handle ‘straightforward honest open’ characters as well as he can handle ‘putting up constant acts’ characters. I could picture maybe Xiao Zhao manage the vibe of the characters personality - but he’s not quite old enough, and i don’t think he’s quite buff enough to portray Luo Wenzhou’s sort of beefy-random-guy look. The main Prince in Nirvana in Fire’s actor could maybeee do this role, if he can be messy/more casual in his screen presence. Maybe the kind general in Goodbye My Princess’s actor? The issue with nailing down Luo Wenzhou’s character is - he absolutely steals the scenes he’s in. And Fei Du is interesting Because his chemistry allows him to get equal-presence when he’s interacting with Luo Wenzhou - a testimony to how much they really are close, that Fei Du is both permitted more presence/power around Luo Wenzhuo and also Luo Wehzhou can’t help but start paying attention to him when he’s nearby - dragging the whole story’s attention to Fei Du as a result. But even though he has a big presence - he is NOT particularly ‘standout handsome hero tm’ type and he’s not brashly-ostentacious like Zhao Yunlan (if anything, Fei Du is). Luo Wenzhou is described as incredibly attractive, and he’s certainly the clear leader to get help from when he arrives on scene. But he also has the ability to blend in more easily to where he’s at - he is at core, a person who feels very regular. He can sneak into bad guy clubs in part Because he can blend into the background a LITTLE better than hero-tm-looking Tao Ran, and draws less attention than people like Fei Du. He has a LOT of that standard police-chief side character in tv dramas (if that chief was sort of handsome but not the main character). He feels much more like Holt from Brooklyn 99 than he feels like Zhao Yunlan (and even Holt isn’t a close match).

Actually... maybe Chu Shuzhi’s actor from Guardian could manage this kind of vibe? The handsome, powerful and somewhat leading, but also able to blend into the background as desired? Beefy and strong a little, but not in the drags-all-attention way (that Zhu Yilong is lol). But Chu Shuzhi in some plain clothes, his hair a little grown out, let him be a bit friendlier and outgoing and in the position of leader, his nurturing tendencies much more outwardly and frequently embraced? THAT might be the closest approximation to how I picture Luo Wenzhou. (Maybe Luo Wenzhuo is a weird mesh of Lao Chu and Xiao Guo’s traits, idk, like i said Luo Wenzhuo feels SO hard for me to nail down as a person trying to embody the personality he has in the book).

#guardian #silent reading #priest #meta #below the cut is me getting into book stuff #mainly the vibe of the characters #and how 1 bai yu perfectly embodied who i see zhao yunlan as #and 2 how in Silent Reading Luo Wenzhuo presents a similar problem #like Zhao Yunlan - i think Luo Wenzhuo is REALLY vivid and specific in the novel #and its very hard to depict. because it has to completely land.#whereas for a lot of other characters i feel #theres various interpretations of the characters that would all land pretty well

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hallie-fics · 5 years

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author spotlight - restlessqueenx

“If you get yourself killed doing this,” Harry murmurs, his hand on the back of her neck, his forehead warm where it's leaning against hers, “I will never ever forgive you.”

- Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind @restlessqueenx

it’s not hard to note the fics that define a fandom. this author has written three, three defining stories. the amount of love and respect i have for them is immense, and i was honored to be able to ask and receive answers for these various questions regarding everything from their writing process to favorite hallie headcanon.

this is only the first in a series of interviews done with hallie authors. if there’s anyone who you’d like to see, please message me and i’ll get that sorted out right away!

the q&a

*quick note, I tend to shorten my titles when talking about them because I always pick such long titles, so I may refer to Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind as “Spine,” It Feels Like Winter Follows You Around as “Winter” and Screaming at the Stars as “Stars”

Favorite of your stories (and why)

I think, at least right now, it has to be Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind, because it’s complete. Also, because Winter (Harry’s POV) wouldn’t exist without it (I had never intended to write it, and it just sort of happened), and Screaming at the Stars is probably more in the vein of what I normally write, but I can’t decide how satisfied I am with it until I wrap it up.

Easiest story to write

Probably Screaming at the Stars because it just sort of showed up as this emotion in my chest and I knew I wanted to put it down on the page. Spine was pretty time consuming because it’s canon divergent and I was constantly having to check scenes to get the dialogue/descriptions right. I wanted to use as much of canon as I could, but that meant that I couldn’t really write it if I wasn’t home with the episodes available. Winter was (is) difficult because of how dark of a headspace I sometimes have to get into with Harry. Stars is overall a much lighter emotional space to access.

Hardest story to write

Spine, just because of how much work it took to weave the canon with the canon divergence and reframe scenes. Winter is easier because (even though it does include some scenes that aren’t in Spine) I have the blueprint of Spine to refer to, and I reuse some sections of it word for word to highlight the difference in POV when it diverges. Winter is definitely emotionally heavier, but it’s less tedious work.

Pre-writing process (if any)

For me, it depends a lot on the fic. With Spine, the very first thing that came to me was “What if I wrote a soulmate AU where the only thing that indicates that is that wherever you fall asleep, you always wake up where your soulmate is?” Then I thought, “Could this be set in the canon universe? How would that potentially just twist around or change what we’ve seen?” And everything spiralled out from there. I didn’t really outline initially, I started writing it, just to see where it was going. Then I ended up having to go through every episode and watch each Harry, Allie, and Hallie scene and write basic outlines of the dialogue and what happened in those scenes so I could start to figure out how to adjust the scenes/story to fit the soulmate AU idea. I’m not very patient about outlines, so I mostly just bullet point brief descriptions of what I need to write and then re-examine the scene as I’m writing. I’ve never written something that relied so heavily on canon before. It’s a lot of work and I’m really impressed by people who do it regularly. So Spine’s pre-writing was basically an idea on a twisted trope (I don’t know if I’m the first person to think of it, but I’ve never read a soulmate au with the basis of Spine before) and then watching/transposing the canon scenes. Winter didn’t really have any since I had Spine as a basis. Stars I started thinking about while taking a shower and I just jumped right into it.

What drew you to Hallie?

I love ships that I see potential for, but aren’t all neatly worked out immediately in canon. And I love ships that I feel the characters have a lot of potential to grow and change as individuals within the relationship. I was a little unsure about Hallie at first as I was watching the show, because it took me a while to work out how I felt about Harry in general, but I just see so much potential for a great story between them. And, to be quite honest, Kathryn and Alex just have loads and loads of on screen chemistry, they just light up with each other in scenes. Sometimes actors just have that with each other and it’s almost hard to look away.

Hopes for season 2

Growth and help for Harry! I’m okay with having to wait for romantic Hallie (presuming we get more seasons) as long as keeping them apart feels organic and true to the story (and not done solely for tension & keeping the audience coming back), but I need to see Harry receive help (I get that he can’t get professional help in these circumstances, but he really needs people who are genuinely looking out for him and trying to help him) and to also grow as a person and make better decisions/amends for some of his actions. I want Harry to have friends/people who actually care about him. While I really love Kelly’s character, and appreciate that she’s tried to keep an eye out for him, I think Harry needs people in his life outside of just an ex (and obviously outside of Campbell) and that’s pretty much all he’s had for a while. Harry’s so isolated in season 1, and I don’t see him being able to develop much (in a positive manner) if he continues to be so isolated in season 2.

Favorite line (or lines) that you’ve written for a hallie fic/ a section that you’re really proud of

From Spine, probably my favorite pieces are-

Allie tells him to leave like it matters, like come morning she won't find herself curled in his bed, close enough to feel his body heat. She tells him to go, because she wants to hate him, thinks she deserves to hate him, but she doesn't. And that's even worse.

And then the end, which I wrote long before I actually got to it. Specifically-

“There's probably a world somewhere,” Harry says, and his voice rumbles through his chest, against her skin, “where we never worked any of this out, and you and I are on opposite sides and always will be.”

“Probably.” It wouldn't be hard, she thinks, to have ended up somewhere else, anywhere else. They fought for this, a small sliver of peace in a fucked up world. It might be all they get.

“I'm glad it's not this one.”

“Me too.” Under her cheek, his heartbeat is steady, in sync with hers.

From Winter my absolute favorite section so far is the flashback to Harry when he’s 13 & deals with his familial relationships. I also am pretty happy with-

Allie is simultaneously fragile and hard as steel, one for a moment, the other the next. Harry doesn't understand it, how she can bear to wear her feelings to blatantly on her face, how she survives without a protective shell to keep her safe. He could never do that. She doesn't burrow down inside herself, she burns. He almost can't even watch it. Harry doesn't know what he is, but he knows Allie is something else entirely.

And-

She lets out a little shaky exhale. “I don't know how to hate you.”

Harry wonders how that can be. It's easy, he wants to say, if she doesn't already, all she needs to do is crack open his ribs, see that dark void yawning underneath, that place he falls into. But Allie isn't like him, even her darkest moods and thoughts are full of fire, casting light. Allie burns things down, she doesn't swallow them up.

He tells her the truth, one he's known for a long time. “I do.”

And, finally-

She's not starlight or sunlight or candlelight, she's a forest fire. When she leans into him, skin fever hot and her nails biting into his shoulders, he wonders if her inferno could burn the darkness right out from behind his ribs. Harry thinks he could be reduced to ashes, but he'd still let her try.

From Stars, I’m a little less sure, but I do like this part-

Just outside the doors, she catches a glimpse of Harry, head thrown back, laughing, his friends crowding close to him like moths to a flame, like they can't help it. Harry's always been magnetic. Allie remembers his face in the moonlight, the way she'd felt compelled to lean closer. It wasn't her fault; if you get close enough to Harry, he draws you into his orbit, planets rotating around a sun, basking in his light. Even now, her feet ache to drift in his direction. Those aren't her friends, he's not her friend anymore, but his gravitational pull is strong.

What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read? (canon divergence, modern au, soulmate au, etc)

I’m an AU girl at heart, which is ironic considering 2 of my 3 Hallie fics are canon divergent. But really, I’m a big fan of AUs, almost any of them, I love them so much. I think I get more and more attracted to them the further I get into a show (the more seasons) because canon gets more confining as you have more of it. I think the kind of AU I like the most depends on the ship. I like soulmate AUs (obviously, I wrote one, lol) for Hallie because they have a history of not being super fond of each other & it’s a great way to force them to interact.

Favorite Hallie trope?

I think…. maybe Bed Sharing? You may notice that I write it into like everything I write ever. I just love the intimacy of it and the conversations people can have late at night in the dark or sleepy in the early morning. I dunno. It’s a thing for me, I guess.

Favorite Hallie headcanon?

I haven’t written it into anything (yet), but I have this mental picture of Modern AU Hallie getting really competitive about playing boardgames with each other. That has a soft spot in my heart.

How long have you been writing for?

Pretty much as long as I can remember. The first thing I can remember writing (like thinking I was seriously writing something people would want to read) was this ridiculous story about unicorn royalty when I was about seven years old. I never finished it, but I think I actually did write like at least a couple thousand words before I quit. I have hundreds of beginnings of original works, literally several hundred, but most of them are only a few hundred words. My parents always encouraged me to write, so it was just something I did pretty much ever since I physically could.

How has your writing style evolved over time?

Oh, I’m not even sure where to begin with this. Because I’ve been writing since I was really young, it’s definitely evolved a lot, some of it just through age and getting a better grasp of language, and some of it deliberately. I think when I was younger, I tried really hard to mimic the styles of writers I liked, and I’ve definitely moved away from that as I’ve gotten older and found my own voice. I’m not trying to sound like anyone in particular now. That’s not to say I don’t find other writers influential, I certainly do, but I’m not actively attempting to write in someone else’s style. I think everyone who writes is always evolving. You can’t help but be influenced by everything you read and absorb.

Do you ever worry about how your stories are received?

All the time. I only have 3 works on the restlessqueen AO3, but I think I’ve posted about 25 fanfictions over various platforms/accounts for various fandoms and ships, and I get nervous about them every time. Whenever I write something, I usually get this glow of like “Oh, I’ve done something and I like it!” and then that sort of slowly wears off and I start to just question everything about it. I don’t know anyone who feels 100% confident about the stuff they post. I think I’m a little less nervous about it than I used to be, because people have been very kind to me for the most part (I have one old fic from around 2012/13 that got a couple of comments that still haunt me a bit, but other than that I’ve had good experiences) and so that’s helped ease some of my fears. I think what makes me the most worried now is when I post something and I just don’t get much feedback or it takes quite a while for responses to roll in, because I’m always thinking like “is it really so bad no one has literally anything to say?? Is it that bad and I didn’t realize it?” Also, I’m a bit insecure about my descriptive writing, I feel like I don’t do a very good job of describing location/setting, and it’s something I’m working on. I’m always a little scared someone will say they basically just didn’t get any sort of mental picture from what I write.

What’s the hardest part of writing for you?

Focus. I have so many ideas always bouncing around my head, but I get distracted super easily. I can’t ever seem to only do one thing at a time. If I’m writing, I’m definitely either listening to music or sometimes even playing a podcast in the background because it’s like if there’s any free space at all in my brain, I just completely lose my ability to do anything. It’s a big struggle for me. I actually write with the most focus when I’m supposed to be doing something else. I wrote 150k worth of an original piece by writing when I was supposed to be taking notes in history class in high school. In fact, a lot of my fanfiction has been written during lectures, because somehow if I’m supposed to be focusing on something else, I’m almost always the most productive version of my writing self. I wish I were different, though.

Do you get writer’s block and if so how do you deal with it?

Ugh. Unfortunately. I’m not great at handling writer’s block, tbh. Sometimes I just don’t write for a long time. I think reading can sometimes oust me from it, but not always. The worst is that occasionally I have to just push through it and write my way out of it (which basically means just writing really uninspired crap until I manage to find some inspiration again). I do think that talking to someone about what I’m working on is a big help, though it’s not always an available option. I’m part of a writing group, and I usually feel really inspired after we’ve had a writing discussion.

Biggest risk you’ve ever taken as a writer?

Wow, this is actually a really hard question. I feel like I’m not a big risk taker, and this is making me wonder if maybe I should try to take more writing risks. I guess most recently it could be creating the restlessqueen AO3. I made it because I have written quite a few fics for a pretty large fandom and I had gotten comfortable within that space and I thought it would be good for me to step outside of that world for a bit. I think it really has been, too.

again, the biggest of thanks to @restlessqueenx for doing this with me! to anyone who hasn’t read any of these fics, please do so immediately. each of them are amazing and i will never step recommending them!

#the society #hallie #hallie:fic #fic rec #author spotlight #i will forver recommend spine to anyone who asks for a soulmate au #restlessqueenx

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girlbookwrm · 6 years

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Avengers: Age of Art Movie? ART?? MOVIE

DAY ONE

the title for this chapter of the Mighty Pre-Endgame Rewatch comes from the fact that Joss Whedon apparently said, of Age of Ultron:

“I was trying to make a little art movie. Which is actually, a pretty shitty thing to do to a studio that gives you a lot of money.”

which??? ok?????

so we went into this looking for Joss Whedon’s Art Movie

It’s worth noting before we get into this that I’m a fan of a lot of things Joss Whedon has done over the years, as much as I give him crap sometimes, and actually, I don’t know that I hate this movie as much as is common. I enjoyed it more than I remember enjoying it in the past? I go back and forth. I saw it in theaters and was like “actually I like this it’s pretty ok” and then I saw it again like “OH NO THIS IS AWFUL” and then again like “OH NO IT’S EVEN WORSE THAN I REMEMBER” and now I’m watching it again like “actually......” and I think it’s that the quality is very. uneven?

it is also worth noting that it took us TWO DAYS to watch this because we kept having to pause the movie in order to GO OFF which meant that this 2 hour 22 minute movie took us like SIX HOURS to watch. at first it was just me and The Roommate @goteamwin but on Day Two the Gal Pal @pegasuschick joined us.

anyway on with the rewatch (day one)

I STILL MISS THE OLD MARVEL LOGO! SO MUCH!

So the opening shot of this movie is from the twins’ POV and this was the first point that we paused the movie to fully Go Off because goddamn

can you imagine how much better this battle scene would be from the twins’ pov?

like: there’s all these explosions and shaky cam and a monster roaring and you’re like “oh god is it aliens? it must be aliens? and these soldiers dying everywhere and the city is getting destroyed etc etc

and then you realize it’s not aliens, it’s not HYDRA, it’s not some terrible overpowered terrorists

it’s the Avengers.

now THAT would be an art film

anyway back to the rewatch

Steve Rogers: IT IS 2015, I AM NINETY SEVEN YEARS OLD AND I AM STILL FIGHTING NAZIS I AM T I R E D

this is all looking real fake it has not aged well and it wasn’t that great to start with

“they’re the avengers” he said, sounding so confused and so so tired

aaaaaand here we paused the movie AGAIN to talk for twenty minutes, mostly about how if this whole “”’”art movie”’’’’’’’ had been shot from the Twins perspective, that would have been a better set up for Civil War and also super interesting

“We are here to help” why is the Iron Legion speaking Very American English in an eastern? european? city

Old Man Dad Clint

there’s two weirdly different movies happening here and they do not sit well together: like, a dark spooky serious one and a quippy Joss Whedon action movie

and don’t get me wrong, one of my favorite things about Joss Whedon is how he uses humor to really give his sad moments Extra Punch he’s a master of that

but this is just jarring

“please be a secret door please be a secret door” followed by the world’s tiniest and most adorable “~yay~” is the most endearing thing Tony has ever done in his life I would die for him

The Problem Is Not Brucetasha.

THE PROBLEM is that the BruceTasha dynamic doesn’t just come out of left field, it comes from a different sport entirely. it comes from another planet.

I think there’s potential for an interesting dynamic here but we get ZERO buildup to it

like in the last movie, Natasha is scared of the Hulk, like, literally shaking in shock TERRIFIED of the Hulk, but we see nothing of her deciding to run directly at the thing that scares her most

and we get ZERO explanation of like -- Natasha likes Bruce AND the Hulk, and Bruce AND the Hulk both like Natasha and that’s an interesting dynamic too, but we get NONE OF THAT

it’s very frustrating

also, where does Wanda’s horror movie aesthetic go? is it the same place her accent goes?

Tony’s dream sequence is... p badly shot, given that it’s his driving motivation for THE REST OF THE SERIES

Me: this is weirdly shot, right?

The Roommate, A Professional: Yes. *in a very fancy voice:* ~From a cinematic perspective~

Me: *starts cracking up*

The Roommate: But seriously, they’ve gone for a weirdly wide angle in this very emotional moment and it would make more sense to do tight shots here, but--

Me: *still cracking up*

The Roommate: really?

Me: ~from a cinematic perspective~ trolololol

AND LITERALLY HERE IS WHERE WE GET THE TITLE CARD. THAT’S HOW LONG, SPIRITUALLY, THIS OPENING IS.

Why was Bruce NOT expecting a Code Green? like? It’s HYDRA, of COURSE they’re gonna pull out all the stops??

We get like two minutes of Thor&Steve&Tony being bros, for the purpose of exposition here, and then the party sequence, and literally the rest of the movie is them all arguing with each other

and we stopped the movie again to talk for ten minutes about how much more Impactful AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR would be if we had even one (1) movie of the Avengers actually being a team

this is exactly why it took us two days to watch this movie

“Uh, actually, he's the boss. I just pay for everything, and design everything and make everyone look cooler.”

And again, we stopped the movie (seriously, it’s our own fault this took so long to watch) because LET’S UNPACK THIS

TONY PAYS FOR EVERYTHING?

TONY MAKES ALL THEIR SHIT?

TONY DOES THEIR DESIGN WORK?

AND LET US NOT FORGET THAT SHIELD RECENTLY FELL APART

WHICH MEANS THAT THIS IS STARK INDUSTRIES PRESENTS: the avengers

and that is A L A R M I N G

legally speaking

and also morally speaking

like goddamn.

no wonder ppl freak out about it? let’s jump on THAT for CW

(also, when we recapped this for the Gal Pal’s benefit on Day Two, she pointed out that Tony puts his name on everything and he probably got that from his daddy -- like in TFA, they’re doing this experiment for the Army but LITERALLY EVERY PIECE OF EQUIPMENT has the Stark Industries tag on it

Steve probably has the SI logo tattooed on his ass

he doesn’t know it

tony knows it

and wishes he didn’t)

all that aside, this is an A+ On Point Steve and i Strongly Disagree with anyone who says that Joss Whedon doesn’t get Steve Rogers.

Like, we very clearly get three distinct Steves in this movie -- we get Captain America, Captain Rogers, and Steve, and they’re all a little different but they’re also all perfectly executed and they’re all STEVE. eg:

the look that he gives Maria, like english please and then after her explanation he says “well they’re going to show up again.” - Captain Rogers.

“Right. What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on them to protect their country” - Steve

“They are.” - Captain America

let’s just. let’s just acknowledge that Thanos had a stone. in his possession. and he gave it away. to L O K I.

“I'm going to live forever”

ah geeze he actually is tho

*CLINT FEELS*

They talk about AI like it’s this Great Forbidden Thing, and the Roommate looks at me with the Tiredest Eyes

Everyone is working on artificial intelligence, she says.

e v e r y o n e

seriously “the man was not meant to meddle medley” is a very impressive tongue twister that Tony definitely practiced in the mirror that morning

but it’s also nonsense

the military, corporations, academia, everyone -- everyone is working on AI.

Ultron: What is this. What is this, please.

The Roommate: Me. Every morning.

Also, it’s worth noting that when Ultron goes through all the files on the Avengers and shit, he looks at Steve AT LEAST twice.

The Roommate: To be fair, so would I.

RIGHT RHODES IS THE REAL HERO OF THIS FILM

“Where are the ladies,” said Maria Hill, a Known Lesbian.

Sam and Steve’s whole everything is A+ Great, as usual

Rhodey’s face after everyone laughs at the “Boom, you looking for this” line is just

*kissy chef fingers*

and then this happens

the “flirting”

this is the weirdest “flirting” i have ever seen

it’s like the uncanny valley of cute flirting

it’s like they’re both actors pretending to be characters who are acting out something they’ve only ever seen in film

why is it like this

“What Are Your Intentions Towards My Daughter?” - Steve Rogers

no I kid

Captain America said that

Steve said “as maybe the world’s leading authority on “waiting too long”, don’t.”

and then suddenly they’re all teens hanging out in their dad’s basement

honestly this scene is the best scene in the movie, possibly the franchise, and it’s well worth all the bullshit we’ve put up with so far.

let’s also take a moment to pour one out for both Steve and Thor’s #looks in this scene because

goddamn

Steve and that blue button down

Thor and his hoe v-neck + pop collar maroon jacket

much fashion very hnnnngh

like it takes WORK to make these two look better with their shirts ON but you did it, AoU costume department. You Did It.

Also, James Spader as Ultron is just

i love it

gurl u r LEAKING

u CHOSE this body

u could have taken any iron legion body, you probably could’ve taken a SUIT if you wanted but instead you’re here in this janky ass leaking melty faced body with wires hanging every which way and the arms and legs on backwards

you are such a drama queen

truly his father’s son

so when Tony pulls out JARVIS’ broken corpse, how were they all supposed to know this was JARVIS? do they all get to meet Jarvis at some point? like at what point was Captain America introduced to the holograph representation of JARVIS’ “body” that he just IMMEDIATELY knows that this abstract yellow humpty dumpty is JARVIS

Team Dr. Cho Was Underutilized 2k15

Tony laughing because he’s about to be in so much trouble is very much a #mood

We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's...that's the end game.

I’m just going to present this bad phone picture of my notes because I feel like it does a better job summing up how I feel about this line:

remember when Wanda had an accent?

I’d say “good times” but I’m not sure they really were

seriously the Maximoffs have a great origin story this should’ve been theirs and Clint’s movie that would’ve been better

God Bless The AoU Costume Department

I have no idea what happened in this scene because of Steve’s smedium shirt

and that said he has to compete, visually, with Cobie Smulders in a sheath dress, and he does so with effortless grace

*distinguished golf clapping*

I actually really like the set up of Wakanda and Vibranium here it’s just nice and it gives all the background we need without really feeling like exposition and it reveals character dynamic between steve and tony it’s just nice is all

SALVAGE YARD AFRICAN COAST

Andy Serkis giving 112% AS USUAL

So Ultron steps into this scene like

and tbh it is a sexy leg good work Ultron

“I’M NOT MY DAD” -Ultron, definitely in Denial

Pietro talking to Tony in this scene like Tony was personally there when the bomb blew up his family and almost killed him and his sister

he wasn’t

u r drax in this scenario, and Tony is Ronan

he doesn’t remember ur family, dude

“pretending you could live without a war”

are we just going to ignore that Ultron gets inside Steve’s head right here right now and then Wanda exacerbates that 200%

and Steve just decides “yup that sounds right”

“i guess I’ll just be at war for the rest of my unnaturally long long life”

is anyone? going to talk about that? bring it up to him maybe?

no?

coooooool coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool

i just ~love~ (and by love i mean HATE) that natasha romanoff (A SPY) decided to upgrade her suit (HER BLACK STEALTH SUIT) with glowing (GLOWING!) stripes

much stealth very in character wow

(negative 200 points costume department what the hell)

pietro don’t hit senior citizens that’s rude

these dreams are actually totally fascinating and I really like them don’t @ me they’re great

“I Am Mighty.”

“only the breakable ones. You are made of marble”

“We can go home. Imagine it”

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

“Natasha, I could really use a lullaby”

natasha isn’t here right now please leave a message after the beepbeep

this is such a fucking nightmare, could be a callback to that opening fight scene IF IT SUCKED LESS

Tony. Your green son has a special need. maybe instead of trying to turn him back into Bruce, you should try to accommodate his needs. because he’s special.

Clint MacDonald Had A Farm

“These are... Smaller agents.”

“Sorry For Barging In.”

Captain America is here from the 40s and Ready To Apologize

Thor’s Extremely Dramatic Exit

Steve: looks at the house

(very softly in the background, Peggy’s “we can go home.”)

The Roommate: nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu steve don’t think thaaaaaaaat

I honestly love Old Dad Clint. *shrug* sorry not sorry

and now we’re here. at That Scene.

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE.

it makes no FUCKING sense for EITHER OF THEM to be having THIS CONVERSATION at THIS TIME. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK.

Honestly, the only way this makes sense is if Bruce and Nat are both ace af and think the other one is allo af

just two hopeless asexual babies, adorably in love with each other

both of them awkwardly being like “BUT. YOU WANT THE SEX. RIGHT?”

and neither of them realizing that the other one also does not want the sex

that’s the only way the scene makes any kind of sense. If Natasha is putting on a performance and Bruce is too and neither of them realize that the other is putting on a performance

BUT EVEN THAT DOES NOT EXPLAIN WHY NATASHA FEELS THE NEED TO BRING UP HER UTERUS

THERE’S NO NEED FOR IT IN THIS CONVERSATION

AND THE WAY SHE BRINGS IT UP IS B I Z A R R E

and when i saw it in theaters, I was like “oh clearly this scene is missing some important dialogue that clarifies that Nat doesn’t mean she’s a monster for not being able to have kids.

BUT I WAS WRONG.

UGH ANYWAY MOVING ON.

god bless the AoU costume department for Steve in a Smedium shirt and Dad Jeans. A+ work i can almost forgive you for putting glowing neon on Nat’s stealth suit

but honestly the whole rest of this movie is worth it this one interaction:

Tony: Isn't that the mission? Isn't that the "why" we fight, so we can end the fight, so we get to go home?

Steve:

Captain America: *externally* something something end a war something something people die something something

Steve: *internally* I SWEAR TO FUCK IF ONE MORE PERSON TELLS ME THEY WANT TO GO HOME, IMMA MCFREAKING LOSE IT.

YOU WANT TO GO HOME?? Y O U WANT TO GO HOME??? B I T C H

oh hey Tony ur dad is here

“watched my friends die” ok but

a) are you and Steve friends?

b) if this has been eating at you, why wasn’t it shot better ~from a cinematic perspective~ and why don’t we get more of you being haunted by it and less of you talking about reinstating prima nocta

Actually this is a good time to talk for a hot second about Why We Don’t Hate AoU As Much As Some:

it’s very hard to judge AoU as a standalone film

because a lot of the things it does best are not standalone

it does a good job setting the stage for Civil War

it does a good job foreshadowing Infinity War and Endgame

and on that note, it’s actually hard to judge it without having seen Endgame

it does a BAD job setting up the Avengers as a cohesive unit that works well together

it does a BAD job building the BruceNat dynamic

it does a BAD job making us believe that the Avengers are actually friends and not just coworkers who tolerate each other and sometimes hang out and drunkenly try to pick up thor’s hammer

that isn’t friendship, actually. you know what friendship is? look at Steve and Sam talking about Important Things That Matter, look at Tony and Rhodes’ dynamic. those are friendships.

anyway

The Roommate says it feels like AoU skipped some steps. Like, Avengers (2012) brought us in at the ground floor of this building and then we got shoved into one of those really fast elevators and dumped directly into some game changer meeting happening on floor 44 and then it kicked us directly out the window to our deaths

i’m maybe elaborating slightly upon what she said

the point is that AoU is not a good movie because it’s not a good standalone movie

the character dynamics aren’t Bad or Wrong they’re just not properly built up to.

It feels like we missed a movie

maybe there’s an alternate universe where we got an Avengers 2 that made sense, and this is actually Avengers 3

maybe we just need to find Joss Whedon’s secret file of fanfiction and then everything that happened in this movie will make sense

ALL THAT SAID, THIS IS WHERE WE STOPPED THE MOVIE ON DAY ONE AND MY FINGERS ARE TIRED SO THIS IS WHERE I’M STOPPING TOO. AGE OF ART MOVIE DAY 2 WILL BE UP WHEN I FIND THE ENERGY TO DO THAT.

#the mighty pre endgame rewatch #age of ultron #avengers

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efortmanteau · 6 years

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TMA Headcanons

I sort of spoiled myself in terms of headcanons for The Adventure Zone, so now I try to finish/get caught up on podcasts and form impressions entirely in my head before introducing visual ideas via fanart. And lately I've been focusing on The Magnus Archives SOOOO here we go:

My headcanons for The Magnus Archives. A few were originally written after listening through s2. I've added my s3 thoughts below characters or in a new section. I'm only 3 episodes in to s4 so no spoilers after the end of s3.

Jon (I only recently discovered that there's no H in his spelling, whoops) aka The Archivist - Obviously Jon doesn't really have fun ever, so the main word I think of is 'austere.' He's a pale white guy with dark hair and greyish or brownish eyes who basically always dresses formally--collared shirts, slacks, maybe even vests, usually neutral colors. He's thin, but not fit--just the type of guy who doesn't put on weight since he doesn't focus much on food. Rectangular face, maybe has facial hair… I haven't decided, but if he does, it's like a goatee/mustache scenario that's always well trimmed. In my mind, he's young to mid 30s, but could look older. When he's scared or disshevelled though, he looks a lot younger. I think he's also kind of short, maybe 5'8", so he keeps really good posture to make up for it. Ben Whishaw is almost right, but he'd have to be homelier. S3 updates: Not really any? Although apparently it's Jon without an H. I've confirmed that he looks older than he is since the spider picturebook episode (which I would love Don Hertzfeld to animate, perhaps with assistance from Jules Feiffer who is 90 gd years old… that episode is so vivid in my head). Also I forgot Jon has worm… scars? Pock-marks? Not sure how that works, but you probably don't see them much, given I can't imagine him in short sleeves or shorts, although maybe he has a few on his neck visible pretty frequently, above collars. I'm was pleased to learn he is canonically asexual, but not all that surprised. Something about the way he interacted with Georgie in her apartment had me wondering… maybe it reminds me of me and my ex (I'm the asexual one, my ex isn't, but we still get along).

Martin - I immediately imagined Marty (Terry Gross Waters-Waters SAT tutor in Gayle) when I learned more about soft, sweet lad Martin, so Matty Cardarople has always kind of been in my head. That is probably just a similar name situation, but it's kind of perfect. Since Martin said he wasn't the smallest of guys but still made it into a basement window, I imagine he's kind of tall and chubby, but doesn't seem tall, slouchy, not the most confident person. Sort of a Neville Longbottom situation (before the glow-up). I think somewhere between Matty and Nick Robinson is around the correct appearance: a little more clean shaven and formally dressed than Matty often is with shorter hair (but still flippy), but softer than Nick is. This guy wears sweaters a lot. I guess he's canonically 29 at the end of s1--I had imagined him in his mid 20s somewhere, but I guess he was pretending to be older since he claimed he had a master's degree. S3 updates: Martin is probably the one who was most easy for me to imagine. I never really thought of his fixation on Jon to be a crush, which I'm really intrigued by in terms of character development. I was parsing it more of Martin being a bit of a subservient character, that he was like that to everyone in the office, but we only saw it from Jon's POV as the primary narrator. If I do a re-listen, I'll be very interested to pick out some Martin/Jon moments now that I have a different context.

Sasha (or maybe Sascha) - I sort of had Sally Donovan from BBC's Sherlock in mind initially. I tried to stray away from that and looked up "half black actress." I picked out Zawe Ashton without even realizing that she had in fact played Sally (in one episode, so not her main actress) because of her hair and skin and the fact that her face is pleasant, but not the typical hyper-button baby doll face that some actresses have. Sasha has natural hair with light curls (sometimes straightened). I originally pictured a small afro, but I think in s2, they refer to her as having long hair, so I guess not? I'm also not clear if that was Not-Sasha imitating her, or just straight up not looking like real-Sasha at all. She's slim, pretty posh/minimalist in style--grey herringbone peacoat, umbrella, boots. I imagine she's half Russian heritage-wise, since is a common Russian diminutive for Aleksandra. I would put her in the 25-27 age range. S3 updates: I caught on to Not-Sasha (partially because I saw the name in the voice actor credits, whoops), but I think I also caught something in Lottie's flat affect that clued me in. I thought that the imposter was just good at disguise, not that people had been cursed to forget what real Sasha looked like, so Melanie's introduction and take on Sasha/Not-Sasha threw me off a bit. I don't remember if the "long hair" comment was for real- or Not-Sasha. But I don't have any headcanons about Not-Sasha… just that she looks nothing like the original.

Tim - In my head Tim is the tallest main character, maybe 6'2", and pretty fit. He's imposing at first glance, but since he's so congenial and laid back (at least in s1 before Jon totally pisses him off) everyone who knows him knows he's a nice, fun guy. He's black, with fairly dark complexion, short hair, clean shaven. He probably wears sweaters too, but like… the thinner kind. None of this bulky knit from grandma that Martin rocks. I first think of Alan from Russian Doll (Charlie Barnett), but darker, just black instead of more mixed. I'd say he's around Jon's age. S3 updates: RIP in pepperinos. I guess him being fit is not unreasonable since he is… canonically? (does Alex and Jonny joking about it make it canonical) an outdoorsy adventurer. I certainly missed his friendly nature, but my headcanons didn't really change. He just looked a lot more tired up until the end of s3.

Elias - He is older than the rest of them, I would guess in his 40s or 50s, but given that it's canon that he rose in the ranks kind of quickly, maybe he's not that old after all. I don't really have a good mental picture of him, maybe because I can't differentiate his voice from John's a lot of the time until I piece the context together. In my mind he has a beard and mustache though, kind of full, and maybe dirty blonde hair that's greying a bit. S3 updates: I wouldn't be surprised if he carried a cane that was actually a sword or a gun (I'm American, so having a gun seems very easy to me, so I'm not sure if that would be rare in England). Also, did I hear something about having a grey bun? Maybe I'm completely confusing it with something else, but I'm chuckling about man bun Elias.

Michael - Well, he isn't human… but he looks kind of like a really pale guy who is mishapen and thus wearing a lot of clothing at first glance? He probably wears a lot of clothes so you can't really make him out under the trench coat, scarf, hat, etc. (I might be confusing him with someone else). I think it's canon that his hands are large and maybe have too many bones. For some reason, Michael reminds me of tourmalinated quartz--black and white for the most part, striations cutting through the clearer crystal--sort of like a metaphor for how he kind of… dimension hops? Ends up where he isn't supposed to? I imagine striations of his appearance sort of blip in and out when you look at him based on the static he causes on recordings. S3 updates: I now know that he was an assistant to Gertrude. I guess my idea of his human form is basically the same color and demeanor, just not other-worldly in proportions and bone count. Probably the tall gangly type of white guy. ALSO I guess he's kind of Helen now…? I'll do a separate one for Helen.

---BREAK to add characters I didn't write about until the end of s3---

Basira - I assume she is a Muslim woman, based on her name. I imagine she wears a hijab. I picture her as Middle-Eastern, perhaps Iranian, but she could also be black (there are a fair amount of black Muslims in America, not sure if it's common in England). Other than the hijab, she's not very feminine in her styling. Being on the force probably means you want pretty functional, utilitarian garments. I don't remember if she talked in great detail about how she joined the police, whether it was straight from school, but in my mind she's late 30s.

Daisy - I think I recall she has a back tattoo? She's a murderer so she has a tough air about her, but she's also a subtle murderer, so nothing about her screams that she's dangerous… you just get that feeling, you know? I imagine a white lady, short blonde hair, blue eyes. Kind of like Brienne of Tarth, but more plain than ugly. She's maybe early to mid 40s. I'm not sure if her relationship with Basira is supposed to be romantic or not. I kind of prefer this weird closeness that doesn't always equate to trust given their specific experiences. Regardless, I imagine they are around the same age.

Melanie - Melanie is probably the youngest, early to mid 20s. Typical build and height, maybe a little chubby, but not unable to climb fences or anything (gotta hunt them ghosts). She has a short, asymmetrical bob, dark hair, but part is dyed a bright color of pink, purple, maybe green. I imagine she has a go-to windbreaker that has some neon colors.

Helen - I'm so sad that we had to lose Michael to gain Helen. I really love the Spiral and the characters we've met who are involved with them. Helen in my mind was a badass realtor, ready to close a deal, very driven… and that carried over into becoming SpiralHelen. She sort of outsmarted it with the locked door, didn't she? I can't imagine that's very common for humans/avatars to get the better of their entities. She seems really strong willed, so I'm excited to see where she goes as a human who is becoming an avatar. I think her personality translates into her being 40-something but like lowkey hot? She probably rocks a suit with a skirt in bold colors that men's wear usually doesn't offer (all over red suit, tailored to her, pumps, straight brown hair, nice makeup). I'm not sure how the Spiral would affect her… maybe her angles just get a little more pronounced? She's probably not yet to the point of disfiguration that Michael was anyway.

Georgie - She is like a terrier who will bark at a big dog because they don't know to be afraid of it (or… how to be afraid of it, in her case). She is short, 5'2" or less (I just remembered that a lot of the listeners probably use metric measurements, so sorry for that, but I'm not going to bother converting). I imagine she is cute--she dresses up for her dates to Hungarian restaurants (my favorite detail omg girl get it) and wants to look hot, but really she can't get away from cute. Brown curly hair, big brown eyes, button nose. But resting bitch face… gotta ward off those catcalls and get taken seriously somehow.

Jergen? I can’t spell, it’s Jurgen - Jowly white guy. Wispy caramelly colored hair that's going white. Probably pretty tall, which I'm sure what an annoyance in those tunnels.

Gertrude - At first glance, just some old white lady. But after you get to know her, you realize she can probably murder you and is nowhere near as frail as you think. Curly, wiry grey hair.

#tma #the magnus archives

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livingmybestfictionallife · 7 years

Text

Proximity (03)-Forty Percent

Prompt: Sebastian meets his newest neighbor and immediately finds her to be an interesting and genuine person. Before he knows it, he’s developing feelings for his much younger friend that he tries not to act on because of their age difference, only the proximity of their lives has other things in store for the couple.

Tag List: @sebstanwassup, @starkxpotts, @kyleannsmut, @joshuad-n, @bucky-bear-barnes, @metal-arm-red-star, @dammnnbucky, @crystallimythium, @harleenquinzzel, @camillechan, @marvelouslyloki, @msdrmarvel, @-tulipsunflower-, @shakzer00, @sebstan01, @kitty11223, @one-of-the-boys, @come-and-figure-me-out, @miraisnotavailable, @ladymelissastark, @msharleyquinn, @seargantbcky, @ballerinafairyprincess, @yourgayonlinemom, @broken-pieces, @bubblyanarocks3

Warnings: some language, upset Seb, jealous Tom

A/N: it’s kind of long but I hope y'all like it. The next part will be (maybe) shorter and focus more on the reader’s pov during this part. PLEASE let me know what you think :)

For the rest of the night, since (Y/N) abruptly left Sebastian’s apartment, he couldn’t help thinking what went wrong. Each moment of interaction flashed through his memory with excitement and glee. Her laugh, her smile, how perfect it felt to have her wrapped under his arm and leaning into his side. Maybe that was the problem...

The following morning, Sebastian listened closely for any indication that (Y/N) was awake yet. It was a Saturday, which meant (Y/N) shouldn’t have anything planned and was more than likely still in bed. Just as he made up his mind to text her to see if everything was okay, his phone started to ring in his hand.

“Hey,” she said in an airy tone.

“Good morning,” he greeted, his voice much more groggy than expected.

“I’m real sorry about last night,” she hurried to say.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said as he rolled onto his back and shoved his free hand through his hair. “You’re okay though, right?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay,” she said, her voice softer than normal which only lead him to paying more attention to the rise and fall of her breaths through the phone.

“Good,” he stated before filing the awkwardness of the conversation growing. “I’m sorry if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, Seb,” she sighed with a forced laugh in her voice. “It wasn’t you. I just had a pretty rough day and--”

“And forgetting about your homework--”

“Did not help at all,” she laughed as they continued to finish the other’s sentences.

“Well, are you doing anything today?” he asked hesitantly, not wanting to know if it was too early to be asking her to hang out again.

“Come on, Seb, you know I don’t make plans until I’ve had caffeine,” she grumbled. “Want to come down for coffee?” (Y/N)’s heart started pounding as she heard the words leaving her mouth. She couldn’t believe that not even six hours after her bathroom breakdown, where she vowed not to get any closer to him romantically, that she was asking him over to her place.

“I actually got a text from Anthony a few minutes ago; Chris, Elizabeth, and Tom are all in the area and we are going to meet up and get breakfast at Veselka,” Sebastian stated.

“What’s that?” (Y/N) asked as she rolled over onto her side and shoved her phone between her head and the pillow.

“A little Ukrainian spot on second,” he said, fighting the urge to fall back asleep.

“Oh, well have fun then,” she said softly, trying not to sound upset.

“You do realize I’m inviting you, you dork,” he laughed.

“Well, Sebastian, you did not say ‘(Y/N) would you like to ’--” she was cut short by his groaning from the other end of the line which was completely audible through her ceiling.

“(Y/N), would you like to join me at breakfast this morning?” he asked as his laugh continued to echo through each of their bedrooms.

“Will there be coffee?” she asked back.

“Yes, (Y/N) there will be coffee.”

“Okay, but I’m holding you to it. If there’s no coffee--”

“If there’s no coffee then you and I will find a coffee shop, leave, and then come back with enough caffeine to keep both of us satisfied, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan, Stan,” she chuckled.

“Oh God,” he huffed. “You’re back on that again?”

“Who said I was ever off it?” she teased. “See you in ten?”

“Meet in the lobby!” With that their conversation ended and each returned to their solitary lives. Quickly, Sebastian responded to the group chat.

Chococcino: I’m headed toward the restaurant.

Chrissy Boo Bear: I’ll be there in fifteen

Thin Lizzy: I put in a reservation for five

Vanilla Ice: Make it six, please

Spidey-Kid: Is Robert in town?

Vanilla Ice: I invited my neighbor, if you guys don’t mind

Spidey-Kid: Is she hot?

Chococcino: T.F. Tom!? Have you seen sexy sea bass?

Thin Lizzy: I added another, Sebastian

Spidey-Kid: It was just a question, tweety bird.

Vanilla Ice: Thanks Liz

Chococcino: Come on, kid. Birds eat bugs for breakfast

Spidey-Kid: You can’t scare me into not coming, especially not that Sebastian’s sexy roommate is coming

Chrissy Boo Bear: I believe her name in Seb’s phone is Cute Neighbor, but you were close Tom

Upon reading that last message, Sebastian turned his phone onto silent, slid into a pair of jeans, and pulled a sweater over his head. He snatched his house keys from the kitchen counter, grabbed his leather jacket from the coat hook, dropped his phone into his back pocket and hurried to the elevator, only to be stopped on the floor below him by (Y/N) jumping on.

“Wow,” she sighed upon looking at him. “You’re way more dressed up than me.”

“I’m wearing jeans,” he protested.

“Well normally you only wear basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Jeans are an improvement.” Sebastian rolled his eyes at her as she filed into the elevator and leaned against the thin rail behind them. He looked over her body as her knee high tan boots traveled along her legging clad legs, a loose burgundy sweater fell to her mid thighs beneath a black leather jacket, and the red, pink, and grey silk scarf he got as a souvenir/thank you gift for watching his house while he was in China, hung around her neck.

“You look great, (Y/N),” he smiled as his eyes finally landed on hers. (Y/N) fought the fluttering of her heart as tickled her ribs the second she noticed Sebastian’s eyes trail her body. Just friends, (Y/N), she told herself. You’re just friends. Realizing they were less than a mile from the restaurant, the pair started walking. It didn’t take longer than for the pair to walk a block down the road before he was spotted by some fans.

“Sebastian!” a few teenage girls yelled while flocking toward him.

“Hi,” he smiled while waving gingerly to them, stopping in his tracks as they tried to take photos. Quietly, (Y/N) tried to hide herself behind Sebastian or jump out of the photo’s frame as the girls approached.

“Do you mind taking a picture with us?” the girls asked.

“Not at all!” Sebastian smiled to the girls as they quickly pressed themselves on each side of him and tried to take a selfie.

“Here,” (Y/N) offered while stepping toward the collection of people crouched, trying to get the perfect shot of their favorite celebrity. She took each of the girl’s cell phones and took at lead three photos on each phone before returning them to the teens.

“Thank you so much!” one of the girls cooed to Sebastian and then turned toward (Y/N). “You’re a life saver!!”

“You’re so lucky,” another started fawn over (Y/N) as she glanced over her shoulder at Sebastian.

“Excuse me?” (Y/N) asked only for the girls’ attention to flow back toward Sebastian.

“We don’t want to keep you,” they smiled before walking past (Y/N) and making obscene sexual gestures with their hands and whispering ‘bag him for the rest of us’ out of Sebastian’s earshot. Quickly, Sebastian slid his hand along (Y/N)’s arm as she stared after the teenagers who had just pranced away.

“Come on, we’re going to be late,” he said while pulling her along and locking his arm in hers, in a protective manner as they passed a number of strangers, all giving her strange looks. She could see the gears turning in their heads: they second guess whether they actually saw the Winter Soldier on the street and then once they realized they had in fact seen the actor, they do a double take only to see the all too young, awkward, and average girl beside him.

(Y/N) had hoped that the negative looks and attention she received would fade as they got to the restaurant, but was sadly mistaken. Of course the group of Avengers casually gathered together for breakfast drew attention to themselves, but the onlookers’ confusion was only enhanced when presented with the newest, most unrecognizable face at the table: (Y/N)’s. Who was she? Was she a new Avenger character being introduced in Infinity War? Was she Sebastian Stan’s latest play thing?

She was thankful as Sebastian pulled out a chair for her that was blocked from a lot of people’s sight due to the proximity of the chairs seated around the rather small table. She slid in gracefully with a shy smile on her face, trying not to stare at anyone looking at her for too long. Sebastian fell into a seat beside her and smiled at his friends as he shrugged his coat from his shoulders.

“Sorry we’re late,” Sebastian muttered as he turned backwards to hang the coat on the back of his chair. “We got stopped by some fans.” (Y/N) immediately wanted to correct him and say ‘you were stopped,’ but thinking back to the interaction, she realized that he three girls said more to her in passing than to him.

“I can see why,” Tom muttered under his breath as his eyes diverted from (Y/N) to the menu in front of him. Is this fucking real? she thought to herself as her heart pounded in her chest. Some random teenage girls encourage her to fuck Sebastian five minutes before Tom Holland inadvertently hits on her...is this the life she’s going to have to get used to so long as she keeps Sebastian in her life?

“I’m so sorry,” Sebastian muttered while turning back to the table and gesturing toward the girl on his left. “Everyone, this is (Y/N); (Y/N), this is Anthony Mackie, Lizzie Olsen, Tom Holland, and Chris Evans,” Seb introduced everyone around the table from his right around to her left.

“Hi,” she smiled lightly and crossed her legs uneasily beneath the table.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Elizabeth smiled adjacent to (Y/N).

“We’re glad you could make it,” Chris’s voice invaded her left ear.

“Thanks for inviting me,” she smiled softly at each of them.

“It was our pleasure,” Tom replied with a smirk. (Y/N) fought the blush that threatened to rise into her cheeks.

“Stay in your lane, Ketchum,” Anthony teased. “She’s not a femme fatale like Hilda.”

“The fact that you knew that both startles and impresses me,” (Y/N) laughed at Anthony’s Pokemon Black and White reference.

“I have three kids; there is no silence, there is only Pokemon,” he groaned through laughter.

“For once you’re the only one in the group with kids,” Sebastian teased.

“Yeah,” Chris added, “normally you’ve got Robert or Jeremy.”

“Now I’ve got a bunch of young singletons,” he chuckled. “You are single, right?” he asked while locking eyes on (Y/N).

“Um, yeah,” she said softly. Anthony tried not to notice the smile begin to fade from Sebastian’s lips nor the one on Tom’s face begin to grow. “I’ve just been really busy and it wouldn’t be fair for me to be in a relationship when I can’t give any more than forty percent,” she tried to explain.

"Forty percent?” Chris asked.

“My schedule is pretty full,” she said and ducked her head, trying not to have the destiny of the situation fall even more heavily on her shoulders.

“(Y/N)’s working at CUNY’s undergraduate English department as a student teacher while working on a master’s degree in forensic psychology at John Jay,” Sebastian explained, lightly dancing around the situation in hopes that the others don’t draw too much into their situation.

“That’s incredible,” Lizzie said from across the table. “Become the female Spencer Reid; men can wait!” (Y/N) laughed as Lizzie smiled. A low, forced chuckle, escaped Sebastian’s lips.

“Isn’t Spencer Reid that skinny nerdy kid on Criminal Minds?” Anthony asked.

“The one who’s a literal genius?” Tom interjected.

“That’s the one,” Seb smirked proudly.

“Damn, that’s a lot to live up to,” Anthony laughed.

“Not really,” Sebastian added while putting his hand gently on (Y/N)’s arm.

“Seb, come on,” she laughed.

“Seriously, though, she has a genius level IQ, give or take three points.”

“Oh gosh this is embarrassing,” (Y/N) muttered as the table laughed At their collective chattering, (Y/N) felt her heart lift and a smile curl onto her face.

“Don’t think of it as being embarrassing,” Chris encouraged her, “we’ve come to understand Sebastian loves to brag about his cute neighbor.” (Y/N) dropped her face to her menu and Sebastian’s ears turned red. He offered a light, embarrassed laugh as he faced the rest of the table. Sensing the young woman’s discomfort, Elizabeth rose from the table and asked if (Y/N) would join her to wash up before their food arrived. Quickly, (Y/N) left along side Lizzie and the four men continued the conversation.

“Come on guys,” Sebastian groaned.

“We’re just shooting the shit with you,” Anthony chuckled.

“I know what you’re doing,” Seb stated.

“Well then pick up on it,” Chris replied. “She’s great, man.”

“Wait, are you serious about her?” Tom asked hesitantly.

“What do your spidey-senses say?” Anthony teased.

“Why, what’s wrong with that?” Sebastian asked Tom, shocked to find himself questioning the kid for dating advice.

“Dude, she’s like, my age! You guys give me shit all the time for being younger than you and now you’re trying to hook up with someone who’s barely older than me.”

“But (Y/N) doesn’t look like she’s twelve,” Anthony snapped back trying to encourage Sebastian.

“Looking a certain age doesn’t make you that age,” Tom muttered. “She said it herself that she’s not able to give more than forty percent in a relationship and you’re not getting any younger.”

“Thanks for that,” Sebastian grumbled.

“I’m saying if you’re looking for more than casual dating, finding it in a twenty-one year-old probably isn’t the best choice,” Tom explained. “Besides, she’s probably wanting to get another degree after this and focus on her career, and you’re not going to be around much because of yours. You’d really make her chose between you or her job?” Sebastian’s head fell lightly and Anthony glared at Tom as the girls returned.

Sebastian glanced up at the woman hurrying back to his side with a smile on her face. “Hi,” she called to him, a cheery smile pulled across her face. His hopeful eyes flashed up to her and the smile on his face faded as he chewed anxiously on the inside of his lip. He couldn’t get the thought out of his head that (Y/N) may be too young for him.

Was putting work in front of (Y/N) fair to her? Was it fair to expect her to do the same? Was giving sixty percent in hopes to receive forty worth the risk of them being torn apart or thrust together? “Yes,” he stated to his own thoughts, quickly smiling across at the woman beside him.

Continued Installments

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan fandom #sebastian x reader #seb stan #seb stan fanfiction #proximity #chris evans #tom holland #anthony mackie #elizabeth olsen #fanfic #fan fic #sebastian stan fanfic #fanfiction #sebastian stan love fanfiction

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hollygopossumlovesj2 · 7 years

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Collide, Part 11

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader, Sam Winchester; mentions of John and Mary Winchester, Bobby Singer and Rufus Turner, and the CEO of the CW.

Rated/Warnings: PG-13; AU; Mentions of a possible anxiety issue, cursing, violent/angry Dean Winchester, Impala abuse.

Word Count: 1,670

Summary: Dean Winchester is an actor, today’s James Dean, and by some horrific mistake of the higher powers of your employer, the CW, you’ve been thrown into a fake relationship to gain the attention of the press. Or so you thought. You never could’ve expected what would happen next and what your life would become.

A/N: Its been a while since I updated this fic. I got bullied into updating by a couple of people over at Ao3. So, if its crap, you have them to blame. It was surprisingly easy to jump back in. My muse is being kind for once. If you guys don’t like it, I’ll just post it over at Ao3, let me know what you think.

Also, because it’s been so long, I wanted to point out that the original request ‘Dean Winchester and Reader are actors. They get set up together and they start out not liking each other, only to fall for each other in the end.’ Came from the brilliant @dancingalone21(The request was paraphrased) I just can’t write awesome one shots like she can. I gotta stretch it out into a series. Sorry, not sorry?

If you need to catch up, Collide Master List!

Master List

Sam’s POV:

“Sam!”

I’d been having a very satisfying dream, probably about my girlfriend Jessica, which was surprising even in my subconscious. With everything going on, my nights were mostly filled with nightmares about finding Mom’s body over and over.

Or on really bad nights, I dreamt that I was the one who found her right before she died and could do nothing to stop it. I’d never actually seen her that night like Dean had, so my mind conjured up morbid picture after picture to torment me with.

“Sammy, goddamnit, wake up!” My brother’s panicked voice finally reached through what had been a very heavy sleep. So heavy that I felt dizzy and slow as I sat up to see just what the hell Dean’s problem was.

“What the hell, Dean?” I grumbled, my vision clearing to see that he was frantically throwing my stuff into my duffle.

“We gotta get back into town.”

“What? What for?” Despite the fifty questions shtick, I stood up and started to throw some clothes on before they all got packed away in a wad never to be the same again.

“Y/N’s missing.” Dean’s tone was perfunctory, but I could tell he was on the edge of panic as he tossed the now packed bag onto my bed and stomped off into his room where he began packing in the same way he’d thrown my bag together.

Not that I didn’t appreciate Dean’s help, especially when I was swamped at school, but I wondered if he ever got tired of running around like he was still in charge of a toddler.

“You mean she went for a walk because you pissed her off missing or…” I questioned, just to make sure we covered all of our bases, as I sat on the end of his bed to pull my shoes on.

“I thought that at first, so I followed her tracks in the snow, but then there were more tracks and then some tire tracks and…” I noted that Dean was starting to breathe heavier than was strictly necessary, holding a hand to his chest like someone who might be having a heart attack.

“Hey,” I jumped up once I had my shoes on to put a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, calm down, Dean. We’ll find her. Maybe she had someone pick her up?” I’d never seen Dean lose composure so fast, noting the bright red flush that was shining like nuclear waste. “And why would they just take her when we were here, too? Where’s Cliff?”

“There was blood in the snow, Sam. I don’t know who’s it was or why they would just take her or why Cliff decided he HAD to have a goddamned espresso at four fucking a.m....!” He swallowed loudly a few times before he zipped up his bag. His chest was still heaving when he threw his bag over his shoulder. “Cliff’s already dealing with the police. He said it would take them a little while to get out here, but that we should get back into town in case they’re still hanging around.”

“What about her stuff, is it still here?” Something wasn’t adding up, a sick feeling settled heavily in my gut. But, between my brother’s strange behavior and the mystery of Y/N’s sudden disappearance, I wasn’t sure what to concentrate on first.

“I already packed it, let’s get the fuck out of here.” He shouldered his way through the door way, his body hunched like he had just come back from running a marathon. There was definitely something going on with Dean that he wasn’t telling me, but it would have to wait.

“Okay, but I’m driving.”

Dean had reluctantly given over the keys after a few snarky remarks. The entire drive to the house my attention was split between the road and keeping an eye on Dean. Not having anything to do wasn’t doing him any favors as he bounced his leg nervously, but about halfway to our destination, he’d stopped heaving. Now he was just rubbing his chest periodically. It was kind of like the time we’d wrestled until Dean had pulled a pectoral muscle. My best guess was that now he had an anxiety issue.

He had always been bad about internalizing everything, Mom’s death and Dad’s downward spiral included. He just never opened up about that stuff and usually blamed himself. It didn’t matter how many times our father himself had told Dean that he didn’t blame him for Mom’s death. He’d always feel like he’d been the reason no one was home to help her. It was a shame because he’d been so good at it, but he’d stopped playing baseball after that. Partly out of necessity because Dad was in no shape to foster a love of sports. But also because Dean went through a period of not speaking and went through child psychologists like ice cream flavors.

So, it made sense to me that it could all have been bottled up and chose right now to surface. It wouldn’t have been triggered by his own wellbeing having been threatened. It was only because of my involvement and now, Y/N’s. I think it had snuck up on him. How much he cared for her, even if she was far from perfect. Even though I was incredibly worried about Dean’s issue, it would have to wait because Y/N was missing and if anything happened to her Dean’s problems would only be compounded.

This entire time that things had been going wacky, I’d had this odd sensation that we didn’t know everything. Which, of course we didn’t, it was a mystery unraveling fast. However, the puzzle pieces that we had to fit together this morning weren’t fitting right. Why had Cliff left? He’d been told to watch the house. We didn’t set him up with a shot gun at the front window, but the instructions to keep an eye open had been quite clear. We’d trusted him because he’d never let us down before, but what would make him leave his post midmorning, long enough for the shit to hit the fan?

“Maybe we shouldn’t go straight back home. I mean, the house is kind of burned to a crisp right now. It can’t be safe.”

Dean who hadn’t said a word since we’d left, jumped at the sound of my voice in the otherwise quiet car. Startling easy was yet another symptom of anxiety and I filed that away for a future discussion. “What, why? Cliff said he’d meet us there.”

I could tell Dean’s worry for Y/N was clouding his judgement, but I had a really bad feeling about all of this. With our history, I’d learned to trust that intuition. “Okay, but why not the police department, huh? Why go somewhere we’ll be isolated in a house we can’t secure?”

I could see Dean sifting through the information that we knew for certain, his expression becoming more and more troubled until 3… 2… 1… “Son of a bitch!” He punched the glove box with a hard right swing, then cursed in a screeching voice as he cradled his wrist to his chest as he kicked futilely at the dashboard.

Only able to shake my head at Dean’s behavior, I turned down the road that would take us away from home and closer to the police station. Our only hope now if Cliff had gone over to the dark side was an outside source. Possibly even the two grumpy old detectives, Bobby and Rufus, who’d done nothing but doubt and question every word we said. And still, there was a possibility that they’d been compromised as well. We were just finding out the reach of the CEO’s influence and it didn’t bode well for us.

“Fuck!” Dean shouted again, keeping his fist and feet to himself this time. “God, why does that make so much sense now, huh? We let him in her apartment! He found those bugs so quickly and I just thought he was good at his job… He’s been with our family for fucking years! Since before Mom died!”

Dean’s face was getting red again, so I hurried to control the situation. “We don’t know anything for sure, Dean. But I think we ought to be at least cautious when it comes to him. First we have to file a missing person’s report.”

He shoved his good hand through his hair roughly, “They’re gonna wait until she’s been missing for 24 hours, Sammy. She can’t wait that long.” There was a desperation in his voice that I hadn’t heard in a long time and it had never pertained to anyone outside the family before. That’s when it dawned on me.

At first I’d thought Dean’s fascination with her had been one born out of guilt and the need to protect someone from the fate that our mother had suffered. She was easily attractive and Dean had always had trouble resisting a pretty girl with innocent eyes. But, from Dean’s reaction, it had progressed when I hadn’t been paying attention. The severity of his reaction pointed towards their relationship being more than just convenient. Don’t get me wrong, I liked her. She was cool, if not a little crazy, but Dean didn’t fall in love. He’d been burned too many times. Too many responsibilities, real or imagined, rested on his shoulders. I felt horrible for my brother, knowing for a fact that Dean couldn’t afford to lose someone else. “We’ll find her Dean.”

He rolled his eyes dramatically at my tone. After a quiet moment of only the sounds of Baby, his expression morphed into something of determination. “Okay, we’ll tell the police. File a report or whatever, but then we’re gonna park the Impala and go scope out home. If he’s got her there, we may be her only hope. And I swear to God…” His green eyes sparkled like flint sparking a fire, “If he’s hurt her in anyway, I’ll fucking kill him.”

Tagging: Forevers: @perpetualabsurdity, @maileann, @daydreamingintheimpala, @gecko9596, @gemini75eeyore, @jotink78, @dancingalone21, @winchesterprincessbride, @sandlee44, @exploratiionist, @arryn-nyx, @littledarlinhavefaithinme, @boredoutofmymindstuff, @feelmyroarrrr, @raeganr99, @ruprecht0420, @anokhi07, @letsgetyourdeanon, @sis-tafics, @jensen-gal, @theoneandonlysaucymo, @27bmm, @callmesatansprincess, @hbenth, @keepcalmandcarryondean, @sea040561, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @spn67-sister, @uniquewerewolfsuit, @ria132love, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @tas898, @butiaintgonnaloveem, @atc74, @tiffanycaruso, @ryansgirl5509, @mysteriouslyme82, @notnaturalanahi

#Dean Winchester x Reader #Dean Winchester series #Dean Winchester Angst #Dean Winchester smut #Dean Winchester drabble #Dean Winchester one shot #Hollygopossum writes #Collide

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justanothercinemaniac · 7 years

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Epic Movie (Re)Watch #151 - The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

Spoilers below.

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: Blu-ray

1) The attempt to bring Andrew Lloyd Webber’s iconic stage adaptation of The Phantom of the Opera to the screen started all the way back in 1989. Back then, it was going to star Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman (who originated the roles of The Phantom and Christine, respectively). The project was ready to begin filming in 1990 with a November 1991 release date, but then Lloyd Webber divorced Brightman (they had been married) and production was stalled. In the interim, John Travolta, Heath Ledger, Matthew McConaughey, Meat Loaf, and Antonio Banderas were considered for the role of the titular character (with Bandera specifically training his voice for the role for years, only getting a chance to sing it during a Royal Albert Hall celebration of Andrew Lloyd Webber). At one point it was going to star Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway, but Jackman was busy with Van Helsing and Hathaway had The Princess Diaries 2 to film. Charlotte Church and Kate Winslet were also considered for the role of Christine before Emmy Rossum was cast. Through that time, Joel Schumacher had always been Lloyd Webber’s choice of director because of his work on The Lost Boys. In fact, the screenplay used was written by the pair all the way back in 1989. That means between writing of the screenplay and release, fifteen years went by. Now that I’m done with that fun fact...

2) I think this film improves on the Broadway shows prologue. The use of black and white is a nice touch, as is the decision to age up Patrick Wilson’s Raoul instead of having an elderly actor play the part. It is the first inkling of how the adaptation is able to use the differences between filmmaking and the stage to its advantage.

3) I first saw the stage production of this in August of 2009, then the film a few months afterward. It took me an embarrassingly long time (think years) to figure out that the broken chandelier was lot 666.

4) This adaptation REVELS in the freedoms you have in film versus what you have on stage, mainly through it’s use of three-dimensional space. On stage you have to present all the action in a single location and then orchestrate a scene change. But we get to see how the opera house is as much a character in the film as its titular Phantom of Christine. The film also utilizes the ability to shift POV between characters quite well, as again on stage your POV is stuck with whoever is in front of you. Here we can cut between characters in between scenes and get a fuller view of the picture. All this - as well as its well done use of special effects - gives the film a grander film. It is easy often times for a stage-to-film adaptation to feel stunted, but the team behind Phantom sure as hell knows how to avoid those problems. It’s one of the best parts of the adaptation.

5) Patrick Wilson as Raoul.

So at the risk of offending Phantom purists (something I maybe should have put as a disclaimer on this post), I have always found Raoul to be remarkably bland. No matter how good the performance is, I just have never found him an enticing character. He’s literally just there to be the healthy alternative to The Phantom’s love for Christine. I actually think Wilson does quite well as Raoul, making him the most interesting I’ve ever seen. He is able to make Raoul a bit more aggressive, a bit more strong headed, especially when going after The Phantom. But that’s about it. I think Wilson does admirable and he’s always been a favorite of mine, but I just find Raoul so damn boring.

6) Miranda Richardson as Madame Giry.

Otherwise known as, “The only French character based on a French story in a musical which takes place in French who has a French accent.” Richardson is a talented character actress, as I noted in my Sleepy Hollow recap. She is able to make Giry compelling, interesting, mysterious. You understand that she’s hiding things, but her suspicion never makes her dislikable. To the contrary, the way Richardson plays the part makes Giry all the more fascinating. In my opinion, Giry is as mysterious as The Phantom in this film because of Richardson’s performance.

7) Okay, Firmin (one of the theater owners) making eyes at Christine is weird. Depending on the translation of the novel you read, she’s fifteen. And yes the actress was eighteen at the time of playing her, but still. Creepy. Also when Madame Giry says she’s an orphan this seems to encourage Firmin’s advances and I gag a little.

8) A little wink to another work of Andrew Lloyd Weber’s

Former Theater Owner [on how to deal with Carlotta]: “Grovel. Grovel, grovel.”

(One of the songs from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat was “Grovel Grovel”.)

9) Minnie Driver as Carlotta.

I love Minnie Driver and she is absolutely perfect as Carlotta in this film. She is able to play the conceited diva MARVELOUSLY well (claiming to channel an old neighbor she had in Venice for the part). She totally loses herself in the part. This isn’t Skylar from Good Will Hunting, this isn’t Debi from Gross Pointe Blank, this is someone who is totally new. Driver is phenomenal in the part, although she didn’t do her own signing. She is a singer (contributing her vocals to the end credits song “Learn to Be Lonely”) but not an opera singer, so she had to be dubbed in. Nonetheless, she is an incredible addition to the film.

10) Emmy Rossum as Christine Daaé.

The protagonist of the film (more-so than The Phantom even), this was one of (if not THE) biggest roles the 18 year old had at the time. Rossum is great in the part, abel to capture Christine’s vulnerability without making her weak. Her honesty without making her naive. Christine is a character defined by her massive heart. She has incredible passion for music, a deep connection with her long dead father, incredible sympathy with The Phantom, and a wonderful friendship-turned-romance with Raoul. But she never come across as a damsel or as a fool. I think Rossum’s performance is a big part of that. You’re rooting for Christine and you love that she makes you do so.

11) Christine’s first number is her big performance of “Think of Me” for the opera house. During the neighbor the filmmakers gave her this angelic glow which I find...really distracting. Like it’s weird to me. I get they’re trying to emphasis her purity, but she looks a bit like a ghost.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

12) I do like the chemistry Rossum and Wilson have as Christine and Raoul. It’s not hot sweats pure passion chemistry, but it is a trust and honesty they have with each other. They’re old friends and that comes through in their performances. You get that they’re the right fit for each other.

13) Gerard Butler as the titular Phantom of the Opera.

The casting of Butler has been a controversial one following the release of the film. He’s not a classically trained singer and at times it shows. When it does show it can be distracting, but that’s not to discredit his performance as a whole. For the most part his singing is top notch, I would say 95% of the time. It is just you can be a little thrown off when there’s that 5% that isn’t what you were expecting.

I personally do not find Butler to be bad in the part. Quite the contrary, I think he’s pretty great. In my recap of The Bounty Hunter I noted he didn’t have the right kind of charisma to play the romantic comedy angle. This is not true here. To start, Butler fills out The Phantom’s physicality very well. Just the look he has in the mask and the cloak is a powerful visual. More than that though, he is able to portray all facets of the Phantom with expertise and grace. His passion, madness, obsession, instability, sorrow, and later heartache all are done with the appearance of ease by the Scottish performer. There are times when he breaks your heart, there are times when you hate him, but you are never bored by him. He always holds your attention and I think that is key in playing such an iconic character. And again, Butler is just great in the role.

14) Nowhere is Andrew Lloyd Weber’s skills as a composer better showcased in this film than the double billing of “The Phantom of the Opera” and “Music of the Night.”

To start with, the titular song is able to be creepy, macabre, invasive, chilling, fascinating, and eerie all at the same time. It perfectly represents just the horror and mystery The Phantom carries with him. Then turn around right into “The Music of the Night”...

This is the song which particularly gives us an amazing glimpse of who The Phantom is as a character. Nowhere in the film is he quite as voluntarily vulnerable as he is right now. His hearts is on his SLEEVES as he sings to Christine of his world, of who he is as a character. Through the seamless transition from the chills of “Phantom of the Opera” into a piece of music which is moving, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and just as fascinating, “Music of the Night” is quite possibly the best song in this whole film.

Having said that, it is a song which requires acting to match it. And Butler is at his best during this number. That previously mentioned vulnerability is on full display through Butler’s performance. You can understand his compassion for Christine, not only through his voice but also through his physicality. He plays the heart of the scene incredibly well. Rossum is great here too, showing off her fascination and wonder of The Phantom and his own through no words or song, just movement and expression. They both do a great job of elevating the number as it should be.

15) When listening to “Music of the Night” I believe that The Phantom’s obsession is not exclusively about finding a romantic love with Christine, but more about finding someone to be with him in the night. He is devastatingly lonely and wants a companion with him in the darkness. Who is a more devoted companion than a spouse?

16) The scene where Christine unmasks The Phantom only for him to fly off the handles makes something perfectly clear: the mask is as much for him as it is for everyone else. The Phantom deals with INCREDIBLE amounts of self loathing and metal health issues. He is afraid of being the monster people call him, he is afraid of letting them define him. The mask is an attempt to define himself. As I will explain later, it doesn’t work as well as he would hope.

17) Notes/Primadonna.

The double billing of the song begins as a nice peek into the relationship with theater owners Firmin and Andrew and their friendship (romance?). It also begins to illustrate just how deep the conflict between The Phantom and the egotism of the Opera/rules of the world in light run. You begin to see the hinges coming off of The Phantom as he tries ordering around everyone, setting up the drastic lengths he will go to later on.

The “Primadonna” half of the number serves as a fine montage. Showing just how the owners convince Carlotta to participate in the show and what lengths they are willing to go to to keep her. And it continue the film’s use of movement through a three dimensional space to convey sense of scope and plot, something which cannot be done to such an effect on stage. It’s a nice number but - again, at risk of offending Phantom purists - could it have been cut? It works fine on the stage but this film is two-hours-and-twenty-three minutes long. Would it not have been as effective to cut it for the screen and just had a standard scene of dialogue and score to convince Carlotta to stick around? I know it is blasphemy to consider cutting any number from one of the most iconic Broadway musicals of all time, but I can’t help but wonder if the film would have been better off without it.

18) It was during “Primadonna” when I realized something:

Carlotta’s goal is the same as Lina Lamont’s from Singin’ in the Rain.

They are both incredibly popular actresses with annoying voices looking to destroy the careers of an up and coming actress to ensure their own future success.

Now that you can’t unsee that...

19) The duality of Christine’s compassion/sympathy for The Phantom mixed with her fear of him later one creates a nice conflict for her. Something which is interesting to watch and should parallel the audience’s own feelings.

20) “All I Ask of You”

The number serves mostly as a nice moment of trust and honesty between Christine and Raoul. It is here where one would start shipping them, so to say. Yet while in most productions of the stage play you learn that The Phantom was there the entire time AFTER the song is done, you see his reaction to hearing Christine’s and Raoul’s love DURING the song. His constant presence is heartbreaking, an emotion Butler plays so well. It’s not just that Christine is choosing Raoul over him, she’s choosing the light. She’s choosing day instead of night, cementing the Phantom’s loneliness. Making it all the more heartbreaking for him. This was his once chance to not die alone and he just lost it. And it breaks your heart.

21) “Masquerade”

This is my favorite number in the film. Largely because it is one of the few light moments in the production, but more than that it ties into The Phantom’s own personal struggles in a way you don’t first understand upon listening. The “heroes” of the day (in a kind of elitist way) are practically gloating at The Phantom’s disappearance in a way which is mocking to his pain. They wear masks for fun, he wears a mask because he has to. Because he has been beaten and torn down because of his face. The lyrics take on a much sadder meaning with the reprise later in the film.

22) How fitting is it that The Phantom shows up to the masquerade dressed as The Mask of The Red Death?

“The Mask of The Red Death” is a short story written by Edgar Allan Poe where wealthy noblemen attempt to hide from a plaque known as the Red Death by hiding in an abbey. There, they host a masquerade ball when a figure disguised as a Red Death victim enters and makes his way through each of the rooms. His presence marks the deaths of every guest by the hands of the same disease they were so desperately trying to avoid. Basically a bunch of elitists try to hide from those beneath them and in their arrogance sign their own death warrants. I like that.

23) Briefly Raoul pursues The Phantom into a secret compartment under the opera house and finds a room full of mirrors, unable to determine which is the reflection and which is the man. This is not an element of the stage play, but an instead of the original novel. The Phantom would lock victims up in this room to drive them mad. I like the nod.

24) I first saw this stage production while it was traveling in 2009, then again when my alma mater put it on just a year after I graduated high school. I don’t remember Madame Giry going so in depth about The Phantom’s origins so much on stage, but I’m sure as hell glad the film has it.

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Once again, the movie does an excellent job of utilizing point of view to add elements. Seeing just how terribly The Phantom was treated is devastating. As a child he was beaten, mocked, and treated like an animal for years. Referred to only as “The Devil Child” by his captors he only free himself by killing a man and then being forced to hide in the Opera House ever since he was a boy. No wonder the man went mad. No wonder he hides his face. He’s terrified of being exactly what people said he was, and because of the way he was treated that cruelty he’s afraid of is linked directly to his deformity. By hiding his face, he hides the monster. Or so he thinks.

25) I love this line, because it shows just how much we don’t know about The Phantom.

Giry: “He’s an architect and designer. He’s composure and magician. He’s a genius, mousier.”

If I’m not mistake, in the original novel The Phantom DESIGNED the opera house (as well as a palace for a Persian king). He is portrayed as being the greatest artistic mind of the century and the most mad. All in service of more depth to his character.

26) Again this is probably blasphemy to Phantom purists, but I always tune out during “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again”. Rossum is great in the song, conveying the sorrow she feels over missing her father, but come on. Do we need a three to five minute number just to understand, “I really miss my dad, I wish he was here with me?”

I must admit the song is a beautiful piece of heartache and sorrow, while also giving us our best peek into Christine’s relationship with her late father, but it just slows down the pacing too much for me personally.

27) Similarly, the action of the following sword fight between The Phantom and Raoul is another thing that on its own I really like. The decision to add a bit more action to the film as well as giving Raoul more to do is something I appreciate. But it just slows down the pacing too much for me, personally.

28)

Christine [after they plan to use Christine as bait to lure out The Phantom]: “Raoul I’m frightened. Don’t make me do this.”

Can I just say I would like Raoul so much more as a character if he said, “Alright, I won’t make you do this. We can run for it. Just you and me.” I would love that, I would love if Christine came to the decision herself as, “No, even if I’m afraid I have to do this.” She sort of does that in the film as is but I would have liked both Raoul and that decision more if Raoul weren’t pressuring her to do it.

29) So the opera is performing The Phantom’s play Don Juan and the actor playing the titular Don steps off stage and The Phantom steps back on in costume as the don.

And I’m just thinking: really? No one immediately notices that the actor’s height, weight, and voice has changed? No one stands up and shouts, “Hey, that’s The Phantom!” and they just shoot him before he gets to close to Christine? They just roll with it? Do they people in the audience actually believe this is the tubby guy from before? Am I overthinking this?

30) Naming a song “The Point of Return” makes it pretty clear what is happening in the musical at this point, but beyond that the composition of the number does an excellent job of conveying its title. You feel the weight in the music more so than the lyrics, and that’s where the power is.

31) So The Phantom is ugly. He wears his mask to hide a hideous deformity that the world has totally shunned him for. It is this deformity which have caused him to be beaten repeatedly, tortured, and called the Devil’s Child as a kid. And then Christine goes to remove his mask and we FINALLY see the blood curling horror which is The Phantom’s face...

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF] please let me know.)

I do enjoy this film more than some others do, but come on. This is supposed to be one of the most hideously disfigured characters in all of fiction. He’s not even supposed to be human!

Anyway...

33) The decision to put the chandelier crash at the end of the film instead of the end of the first act I think is a smart change. When you’re doing a Broadway show you need a solid ending to act one, in film you usually want to hide the structure as well as you can. There’s no three acts (or at least there’s not supposed to be), there’s just one story. So it makes sense to have the chandelier at the end.

34) The film’s entire climax is incredibly key to The Phantom as a character, and Butler is absolutely stellar in the scene.

THIS is his madness as its greatest. His desperation and his pain has become total to him. There is nothing else. It is here that it becomes clear that the ugliness of his face has entered his soul. He has come the monster he was said to be as a child not because of any physical deformity but because of the mind crippling loneliness that deformity has brought him. He just doesn’t want to be alone anymore, and it is that decision that drives him to madness. And it is the first sign of companionship which brings him back to some form of reason.

Christine: “God give me courage to show you you are not alone.”

That is all The Phantom ever needed. Something real, something which showed him that he could be loved despite his face. He doesn’t lose Christine because of his scars. He loses her because of his actions. And the kiss shows him that. And he lets them go before listening to the music box singing the lyrics to Masquerade.

Phantom: “Masquerade...paper faces on display. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you.”

35) Okay, ever since seeing the original stage production, this image of Meg finding the Phantom’s mask while dressed the way she is makes me want them to go on swashbuckling international adventures.

I really enjoy this adaptation. I think it conveys the stage musical in an effective and equally macabre way, that it uses the change in format to it’s advantage, and that it is acted remarkably well (even the controversial casting of Gerard Butler I think is pretty great). I just really enjoy this film and the heart it carries with it. If you’re a fan of musicals, horror, Andrew Lloyd Webber, any of the actors involved, or Andrew Lloyd Webber, I recommend giving it a view.

#The Phantom of the Opera #Gerard Butler #Emmy Rossum #Patrick Wilson #Andrew Lloyd Webber #Minnie Driver #Miranda Richardson #Joel Schumacher #Epic Movie (Re)Watch #Movie #Film #GIF #Singin' in the Rain #Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

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