#whenever I was broke and couldn’t pay my rent I would play this song

[rosicheeks]

🎶 !

🎶Contemplating whether I can keep my Netflix

My card declined today just tryna buy my breakfast

And every time I check my bank account I get sick

My bills are high like Everest, I just need to get rich🎶

[farfromsugafanfic]

Spare Change

Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers AU, Trainee! Yoongi, Fluff, maybe a tiny bit of Angst?

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Warnings: none

Synopsis: You spared Min Yoongi some change for the bus. Little did you know he’d pay you back one day.

Author’s Note: In making my masterlist, I realize I totally forgot to cross post my first ever Yoongi one shot. It’s a bit short and very old, but still one of my favorites

﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

You'd noticed the boy with the headphones on the bus. They were the big fancy type that probably cost more than two months of rent. They appeared to be his most prized possession, his clothes appeared to be mostly hand-me-downs and his phone was a model from a few years before. 

He'd caught you staring more than a few times. He normally just gave you a small smile on most days and went back to the trance of whatever was playing through the headphones. Sometimes he would be grumpy, simply looking back at you and immediately back down. 

You weren't staring at him for the reason you knew he assumed. While he was attractive with his messy black hair and soft eyes, you found yourself drawn to his presence. It was as if he didn't know he were on a bus in the middle of Seoul. He was somewhere else, his fingers lightly tapping to the rhythm and sometimes scribbling lightly in a pocket-sized notebook. You, the bus, the city, and the entire rest of the world didn't exist to him for the ten minutes you saw him everyday. Except for the brief moments you locked eyes.

﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

It'd been an off day. It was starting to get dark as you boarded the bus. You headed for your seat when the bus lurched off the curb. You hadn't expected the bus to leave so quickly and were thrown off your feet into the nearest set of seats, and unfortunately for you, straight into headphone boy's lap.

You blushed as sat up and straightened into the seat next to him. You couldn't believe what just happened, the embarrassment rushing to your face. 

"I'm sorry," you said, bowing politely. "I hadn't expected the bus to move so quickly."

Headphones boy looked at you--a slight mix of annoyance from the interruption and pity at your embarrassment. He nodded and looked back out the window as if nothing had happened. 

But over the next few weeks, whenever he saw you get on the bus, you noticed a slight smirk pass discreetly over his features.

﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

You stood behind the boy with headphones as the two of you boarded the bus. He fiddled with the coins in his hand. 

"I don't have enough," he said, quietly, a blush overtaking his face. 

The bus driver looked at him sympathetically, but was unapologetic. The driver simply nodded and waited for the boy to disembark. 

The boy turned around, disheartened, and moved past you towards the door. He bumped your shoulder softly reminding of the previous incident in which you'd accidentally touched the boy. Just as he was about to step back onto the sidewalk, you stopped him. 

"Wait!" you said. "Here." You shoved coins into his hand, enough for that day's fare. You placed your coins in and took a seat. 

"You really didn't have to do that," he said. "I'll make it up to you sometime."

"It's fine," you said. "It was just some spare change I had laying around."

﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

"Working on another song?" you asked, as you approached Yoongi at the bus stop. He still wore the bulky, expensive headphones, but he normally allowed them to fall down around his neck whenever he saw you.

After the day you paid for his fare, you two had begun talking in the short time you spent on the bus together. At first it was awkward, just exchanging pleasantries, but as time went on you began to feel more comfortable with each other. Now, the twenty minutes you spent on the bus together was the highlight of the day.  

"Yeah," he said, closing the small notebook he took everywhere with him. 

"Can I see?" you asked, smirking. 

You playfully reached for the notebook, but Yoongi just smiled and held out if of your reach. You gave him the satisfaction of jumping for it, causing him to chuckle. 

"Yoongi-ah! I don't understand why you won't show me? Don't you want to release this one day?" 

"Of course," he said. "And you'll hear it then."

You crossed your arms in mock annoyance, but couldn't help the smirk that broke out across your face. You'd heard a lot about his idol training and the boys Yoongi lived with. He worked hard and you hoped one day it would pay off for him. But your broke, knowing he would leave you behind as a distant memory.

You saw the bus heading for the stop knowing your time with Yoongi would now be limited to the ten minute bus ride. 

"Say, how about we take a detour tonight? I'll take you out for ramen?" 

"You know, it's a real hit to my pride whenever you buy me things," he said, dramatically placing his hand over his chest. 

"Oh, get over yourself," you said. "When you're a successful idol, you'll have plenty of money to pay me back." You nudged him as the bus pulled into the stop. 

"All right, all right," he said. "Fine."

"Besides, it's just some spare change I have laying around."

﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤

Over the past few years, you'd watched Yoongi succeed. From his debut, to seeing his face on billboards you passed on the bus. You knew he would leave you behind one day, but you didn't know he would continue to haunt you. 

You traveled to downtown Seoul that day. Not something you typically did anymore after losing your job in the city. You'd been forced to move into a smaller apartment on the outskirts of the city. 

You had a job interview at BigHit Entertainment. You hadn't planned to take the interview, knowing that if you got the job, it may create more than a few awkward situations. But the company was offering a wage you couldn't ignore, at least one you'd interview for. 

You felt the interview went well and the butterflies died down in your stomach as you walked out the building without catching sight of Yoongi.

You just made it to the bus stop before the bus pulled away. You got on and counted out the coins from your pocket. It wasn't enough. 

You felt the tears stinging in your eyes and turned around the leave the bus. You felt as your shoulder brushed someone behind you, but you didn't look up fearing if you did that the tears would fall. 

"Wait!" the stranger said, reaching out for your arm. 

You looked up and met eyes with the stranger, your teary eyes suddenly widening in shock. 

His hair was mostly covered by a snapback, but a small tuft of blond hair was visible from underneath and he wore a black mask, disguising most of his identity. But, you knew it was him. Headphones boy. 

You felt him press a few cold coins into your palm. 

"It was just some spare change I had laying around."

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Empire

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6   🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

J'ai monté maintenant je descends J'ai déjà perdu trop de temps À me regarder partir À ne plus m’appartenir

J'ai un empire à reconstruire Des vides à remplir Un nom à guérir Empire à définir Je vois un monde dans mes décombres

J'ai des souvenirs indécents J'ai des désirs effervescents Et des promesses à tenir Un passé à laisser partir

Est-ce que je me rends? S-O S-O, est-ce que je me mens? Est-ce que j'ai perdu ma vie d'avant? Est-ce que je renais maintenant?

click here to be on the update list

NIALL

                                               When everything fucked up again, I really didn't see it coming. In the two weeks after we made that deal, Devon and I became almost friends. Of course, there was always a little more. Perhaps it was the way she glanced at me from time to time, or the electric feeling I'd get whenever we'd accidentally touch each other, but spending time with her, even if only a few minutes a day, brought us closer. I couldn't lie and pretend I didn't miss her presence in our room. It was now empty, quiet and cold, and I felt lonely, which was a feeling I was not used to have. I had placed her painting on the wall, making sure that every time I lied down in my bed, it was facing me. I spent way too long staring at it every night before I fell asleep, but I kept wondering who brought all these feelings inside her. It seemed intense, so intense that she had to throw all her emotions on the same canvas, and I was not sure if I wanted it to be about me or not.

I woke up on a saturday and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like an hour. The only thing that took me out of my thoughts and brought me back to reality was Lewis messaging me about his money. I licked my lips, re-reading his message a few times before finally getting up. I took a quick shower and got dressed, hoping that Devon would actually be there when I'd go and knowing she was a late sleeper, I knew I had a chance. I hated thinking that I was hoping to see her if only to get the chance to be close to her. It was sad and pathetic and it always brought me back to my past relationship. The truth was, Devon was nothing like my ex girlfriend, and I desperately wanted to see what would happen between us if I didn't close off every single time we got closer, whether it was physically or mentally.

When Lewis opened the door, he raised his eyebrows and sent me a small smile but what really caught me off-guard was hearing Devon laugh a bit farther. My eyes quickly roamed around and when Lewis snapped his fingers in front of my face, I looked at him again. He was sending me an amused smile and raised his eyebrows a bit before moving out of the way and letting me in.

"Oh, hey Niall!" I heard from the kitchen, turning as she sent me a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Devie, hi!" I smiled more, ignoring Lewis as he chuckled low. "Oh Lewis wanted to see me."

"Y-Yea!" Lewis added, trying to stop himself from laughing. "We're working on a song, and I had an idea. So Niall rushed here, you know how he is."

I sent him mean eyes but he just smiled more before following me to the kitchen. Devon was washing the dishes and she blew on a lock her hair to take it off her face while both her hands were taken. It made me think about how I made an habit of pushing that lock off her face and place it behind her ear.

"Here, let me help." I just said, doing exactly what I had done so many times before.

My fingertips brushed gently on the skin of her face and I swallowed and when the lock was behind her ear, I took a step back, as if it would make my whole body stop throbbing. It didn't.

"Thanks, Niall." she replied with a small smile.

Lewis grabbed the last plate off her hands and rubbed a towel on it to dry it. "Okay, go, before you're late."

"You sure?" she asked, raising her eyebrows and looking at him.

"Mmhm, go." Lewis replied, making her lips curl more.

I held my breath when she got on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek and sent him a frown as she ran down the hall to her room.

"What the fuck?"

"Hey, relax." Lewis let out, his eyes getting bigger. "She's just an affectionate girl, okay!"

I was about to answer something but someone knocked at the door and Lewis sent me a smile before walking past me to go answer. I heard a voice I knew and sighed, closing my eyes as my friend came back with Louis, who crossed his arms on his chest.

"Is she ready?" he asked before noticing me. "Oh hey Neil!"

He held out his fist and reluctantly, I bumped mine against it before sending him a small smile.

"What kind of question is that? Of course she's not ready." Lewis joked, making me frown.

I looked at my two closest friends talking about Devon as if they had known her for years. How did they even know more about her than me? Louis could always pass for the simple reason we met her at the same time and she quickly became close to him but Lewis? He had met her about two weeks ago and I had lived with her for longer than he did... I felt my heart jump in my chest when I realized I was so busy finding new ways to push her away that I didn't even take time to get to know her more and I only had myself to blame. What crawled inside me was jealousy and I hated it for all the feelings it brought back inside me. Technically, though, I was jealous because of my own mistakes and Devon wasn't at fault.

"Wait, where is she going?"

They both stopped talking and turned to me, sending me an amused smile. "Work, of course." Louis let out with a shrug.

"It's her first day. She's a nervous wreck." Lewis added as it popped in my mind.

She had mentioned it a few days before, I remembered now, and I suddenly felt like shit for forgetting. I licked my lips and moved my chin in Louis' direction without answering them.

"Why are you here?"

"I'm her ride." he replied, shaking his keys in front of me before chuckling.

"You still own that jalopy?"

"Brings me from point A to point B, which is the purpose." he argued, sending me a smirk and making me roll my eyes before chuckling. "Mad that she didn't ask you?"

I didn't have time to answer, I just saw Devon appear and she stood next to Louis, playing with her hands. She seemed nervous and I sent her a small but fond smile.

"Hey, it's going to be fine, you'll do great."

Her lips curled and her head tilted, making something stir in my stomach. "Thanks, Niall."

"Okay, let's go, or you'll be late."

They said goodbye and left but I waited until I heard the door close behind them to searched through my pockets and take out my wallet. I grabbed the few bills and handed them to Lewis who took them quickly without counting and pushed them in his pocket.

"I'm lucky I have this modeling contract. College sent me a bill and now there's you I have to pay."

"Oh please, I'm sure you'll make enough with that contract." Lewis argued with a chuckle. "Besides, you're the one who wanted to pay Devon's other half of the rent, it's not-"

"You're doing what?"

I felt my heart jump so high in my chest that it threatened to come out of my throat. I didn't want to look back, I didn't want to see Devon's face now that she knew what I was doing. I just kept starting at Lewis who's lips had parted. He looked guilty and he finally glanced at me, making me close my eyes as I let out a low 'shit' under my breath.

"Did I really hear that you're paying half my rent?" she asked again, taking a step closer. I could feel her body close to mine and swallowed hard. "No fucking way!"

The anger in her voice was trying to hide the pain but I could hear it anyway. That was one thing I seemed to understand better than my two friends : her emotions. I had no idea why, but it was very simple for me to know how she felt. It was in the tones she used, the expressions on her face that I could easily decipher, the way she'd move her head or flutter her eyes... For some reason, when it came to feelings, we really connected.

"Devie, come on." I started, finally turning around as our eyes met.

The pain I could read in her face shocked me so much that I lost my breath as if someone had hit me in the chest. I had just hurt her again and this time, it was not even intentional.

"No! You wanted me out of that room so bad that you actually paid Lewis?" she yelled, making me frown. "Why do you hate me so much?"

"What? No!"

"Do you see me right now, Niall Horan?" she let out loud and rudely. "Because that was the fucking last time you did! Fuck off!"

I breathed in deeply when I saw her rush out, leaving the door open. Louis sighed and shook his head, frowning at me but I looked away. "Niall, seriously?"

He turned around to run after Devon and I looked back at Lewis with a sigh before closing my eyes. I didn't expect her to think that I wanted her away so bad that I would pay half her rent. It didn't make sense, knowing that I proposed her rides to school everyday. If I didn't want to see her, I wouldn't try to be close to her every fucking day, but I knew her mind immediately went there because of the way I treated her and once again, I couldn't blame her.

"What are you waiting for?" Lewis let out, taking me out of my thoughts again. "Run after her?"

I blinked a few times and shook my head slightly before turning around and rushing out. I used the stairs instead of the elevator, saving me a minute or two, and when I walked to the parking lot, I saw her and Louis walking quickly to his car. He was following her, repeating her name gently, but when she turned around a bit, I saw her crying and something inside me broke, something that seemed like my heart.

"Devie, please, let me explain."

"Fuck you!" she yelled, turning her back to me, probably to make sure I didn't see her cry.

Louis put himself in front of me and shook his head. He seemed sorry but at the same time, I knew he would take her side. That was what Louis did.

"Mate, no. Give her time."

"I just want to-"

"I know, but she needs to calm down first, okay?" he cut me, raising his eyebrows before I nodded. "I'll call you."

I watched them hop in his car and drive away, my hands in my pockets, as my eyes started to itch. It was ridiculous. It was just a big misunderstanding. But I couldn't stop the voice in my head that was telling me it was better this way. I couldn't stop that stupid fucking voice that kept saying she'd be better off without me, and that I'd be better off without love.

I don't know how long it took me to get back in Lewis apartment but I didn't even knock. I just walked back, making Lewis jump off the couch, his phone in hands. "I tried to text you, and I texted her too but neither of you answered!"

I didn't answer or look at him, I just let myself fall on the couch, leaning my elbows on my knees with my face in my hands. I knew I had hurt her and somehow, in the process and without wanting to, I had hurt myself too. It made me realize that I hated to see Devon hurt, and that I wanted to protect her even if I had done the exact opposite since I met her. I was an idiot, that much was obvious, and I couldn't go back in time.

"Did you explain to her?"

"No, she wouldn't let me." I finally replied after a few seconds. "Why isn't she pissed at you?" I asked with a frown, sitting back up and turning to my friend.

"Because it's not me she's in love with."

"Oh shut up."

"Look, she'll calm down, you'll explain the truth, and everything will be okay, trust me." he added, sitting on the other couch.

"I trusted you not to talk about that deal in front of her, too, but you still had to open your mouth."

"Hey!" he let out, making me jump slightly. "If you didn't act like an asshole all the time with her, none of this would have happened!" he made a short pause and started talking lower but still roughly. "If you just told her you love her, there would be no misunderstanding. For fuck's sake, this girl is not your ex girlfriend, she's a nice girl, and you're ruining it."

"Yea yea, whatever." I brushed it off with a frown, waving my hand between us. "I'm sorry."

"I'll stay mad until you do me a tiny little favor."

I moved my gaze up, noticing the smirk he was sending me and I sighed, rolling my eyes. I was not in the mood to do anything. All I wanted was a few shots of vodka to ease the pain, but I knew it was way too early.

"What do you want." I let out rudely, making him smile more.

"So I'm having this date with this girl tonight..."

"Why does that concern me? You want my car?"

"Eh, sort of." he admitted, shaking his head lightly. "She said yes, but she's bringing a friend... do you see where I'm going?"

"You're telling me to confess my feelings to Devon and then want to bring me to a blind date? Are you fucking serious?"

"You don't have to date the girl or anything!" Lewis argued, rolling his eyes. "We just thought we'd both bring someone so her friend won't feel like the chaperone."

I laughed, raising my eyebrows as I looked at him. "Did you just use the word 'chaperone'?"

Lewis raised his middle finger at me, making me laugh even more as I passed my hand in my hair. If there was one thing I didn't want, it was to meet a girl and have to entertain her the whole evening, especially when I would only be thinking about Devon.

"Who's the girl?"

"Wait, she told me." Lewis replied, grabbing his phone and scrolling through text messages. "Caroline, brunette, your type." he explained, looking up at me. "Well your normal type, I mean."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's just say Devon isn't really the type of girl you normally shag?" he tried to explain kindly. "Not better or worse, just different."

"I don't know, I don't want her to expect anything..."

"As soon as we all get comfortable, you can both leave. Together, or separately, I don't care." he pressed, raising his eyebrows. "Come on! I'll talk to Devon for you!"

My heart skipped a beat and I licked my lips, staring at him and letting out a sigh. "Tomorrow, you talk to Devie for me and you tell her about it. But you don't let out that bullshit about my supposed feelings, alright?"

"What feelings?" he asked jokingly, making me groan low. "Alright, alright, I promise."

---

I was torn between putting a dress shirt and nice pants, or just going casual with a t-shirt and jeans. I decided on a mix of the two, knowing I was going there reluctantly and hoping I wouldn't have to reject a girl on that night. It's not that I thought I was irresistible, but I had no idea what Lewis' girl had told her friend and I was really not in the mood for a date.

I honked a few times when I parked at my friend's apartment and smiled when he walked to my car and sat on the passenger's seat.

"Damn, mate, that girl's doing something to you."

"Fuck off."

"No really!" I argued, laughing again. "I've never seen you with your hair brushed and wearing nice clothes, who are you?"

I quickly put my hand in his hair, rubbing it as he groaned and pushed me away.

"I should have asked someone else." Lewis mumbled, making me chuckle again. "You're just gonna steal her from me."

"Most people in the art department think I'm a big-headed little shit, don't worry, you're good."

"You are a little shit." he pointed out, making me laugh once again.

"Is that how you're thanking me for going with you tonight?" I joked, sending him a smirk. "If you want I can just drop you to a bus stop and go back to my room to get pissed."

I started thinking about Devon, wondering what she was doing and wishing I could just ditch my friend to go join her. I wanted to tell her why I paid Lewis, and a part of me also wanted to tell her I was sorry for hurting her, and that I wanted her in my life. I didn't know if I would have the guts to do it, since just thinking about it made me nauseous, but I knew I was ready to do anything to make her smile. I had enough to hurt her, I had enough to hurt the sweetest girl I had ever met just because of something that had happened in my past. She didn't deserve to be hurt just because I was scared to love.

"Yea yea, you can get pissed after the date."

"You can bet I will."

We parked at a restaurant and got out of my car as I turned to him. "We could have picked them up don't you think?" I asked with a shrug. "Do they have a car?"

"Daxia does."

"Daxia?"

The only girl I ever met with that name was the girl with whom I had made a project with. Last time I had talked to her, she was not really pleased about the little argument Devon and I had had, and even if it had turned out to be interesting for us, I could understand why it had pissed her off.

"Yea you know her?"

"Mmhm."

I shook my head slightly, telling myself it was going to be a very long evening if Daxia was still mad at me, but it's only when we saw her and her friend waiting for us near the door that my heart completely stopped beating. When she turned our way, I blinked a few times as if she was in slow motion. She didn't even have to do anything, I could recognize her anywhere, even in the dark. What the hell was she doing here? Our eyes met, her lips parted as surprise appeared on her face, and I was suddenly scared she would just run away.

"Niall?" she breathed out so low I barely heard.

"Devie."

[osita-iza]

it’s the yearning; let’s fall in love for the night

Pairing: Daichi x gn!reader x Tanaka

genre: angst, suggestive towards the end

Warnings: a couple of cuss words, hinted at smut, emotional cheating, light drinking of alcohol 

Summary: Daichi has watched and comforted you through your tumultuous relationship with Tanaka; the entire time feeling like the worst person on Earth. He believes that he’s the only one that ever imagined the two of you, until you come over with some news.  

Song Inspiration: let’s fall in love for the night- finneas 

                                                               ==

Daichi wasn't the type of guy who usually did this stuff. He respected other people's relationships, and he was a relationship kind of guy. 

Except for you.

You met Tanaka after they had all graduated high school. It wasn't long after Tanaka asked you out that you became a regular in the friend group- introduced as his significant other. You were off-limits from the get go; he should’ve known better. 

When Daichi first saw you, he would've sworn that you were an angel who tripped and fell onto Earth. His chest felt light, while there was a heavy pit of guilt in his gut as he watched meet the rest of the boys. 

He knew that he wasn't being a good friend when he would start up conversations with you, offer to drive you somewhere when Tanaka was busy, insist on paying for things whenever he would invite you out to places. He knew that he wasn’t doing it out of the goodness of his heart. He tried his best to hide those feelings; he really did.

However, what was he supposed to do when you called him crying because you got into another argument with Tanaka? Was he not supposed to talk you through it, hug you, hold you against his chest, and whisper comforting words in your ear? You often complained of Tanaka’s jealousy, how sometimes it would cross the line of wanting validation into possessiveness. 

Every time he would have to hold himself back from saying that he would treat you better. It was always on the tip of his tongue as he would pull you into a hug and listen to your sniffling. 

Every time you and Tanaka seemed to work it out though. God, every time he felt so selfish for being somewhat disappointed when he watched Tanaka wrap his arms around your shoulders after a fight. He had to watch Tanaka whisper compliments in the same ear that Daichi had the night before. And he would wonder how Tanaka could take your beautiful persona in and make you cry. 

It felt like a stab in the gut, yet he kept trying to pull you closer. 

That’s why he didn’t question it when you called him asking if you could come over. You spent time like that at least every couple of weeks. He guessed that the only reason Tanaka never said anything about it was because he trusted Daichi so much, which only made that guilt worse. 

You gave him a small smile as he opened the door. “Hi,” you said, pulling him into a hug. He furrowed his eyebrows slightly; you weren’t usually this affectionate right off the bat. You pulled away and stepped inside. 

“Hey, how’re you doing?” 

Your smile grew bigger as you followed him into the kitchen. “Guess what?” He raised his eyebrows. “I got a contract offer from a place in Korea,” you muttered. 

“Seriously?” His eyes were wide as he stared at you. You nodded, and he swept you up into a bigger hug, practically squeezing the life out of you. It had been almost a year since you graduated with your degree, and you had confessed to him how stressed you were that you would never get a chance at having a real career. “I’m so proud of you!” 

You wrapped your arms around him and laughed. “Thank you. I’m really happy about it,” 

“We need to celebrate,” he said, pulling away. Daichi opened the fridge and pulled out two drinks and handed you one. 

“Thanks.” You smiled. You both went over to his living room and sat at the couch. 

“Tell me more about this,” Daichi said. 

You took a sip of your drink and sighed. “They said that they would pay for my travel expenses. I’d be promised a job for at least a year, and there’s a possibility of me being offered more after the contracts up. Plus, it’s a big company, so it would look great on my resume,” 

He furrowed his eyebrows at how monotone you were sounding. Daichi would have thought that you’d be jumping for joy right now. “Are you okay?” he asked, “Are you worried cause it’s abroad?” 

“I-” You shook your head with a weak smile. “No, I pretty much knew I was gonna take the offer the second I read it,” He raised his eyebrows, and you took a bigger gulp of your drink. “Me and Tanaka broke up,” 

Daichi nodded. This wasn’t the first time that you guys had broken up though. Both of you had a lot of pride, and Tanaka was an impulsive person. “I’m sure Tanaka will calm down an-” 

“I broke up with him.” 

Oh. It was always Tanaka who said that it was over in the heat of the moment. You had complained to Daichi about it once when you were drunk, how it hurt that he would do that so many times. How it made you wonder what he really thought of your relationship. That was a line that you had never crossed before. “What was it?” 

“When I told him about the contract, he started rambling about how far away I would be and how he wouldn’t be able to protect me. That there would be so many men that wouldn’t respect our relationship,” you muttered, “He wasn’t even happy about it for that long. And I realized he would always be like that,”

“I’m sorry,” he said. Although he had always wanted you, you and Tanaka had been together for a long time. Daichi knew that you guys had talked about marriage on occasion, and this break up felt more permanent than the other ones. You sounded like you were sure of it. He had no idea what must be going through your head right now. 

“It would be a lie to say that I’m not at all upset,” you said before you sent him a forced smile, “But I would really like to just celebrate what I do have tonight, if that’s okay? I get it though, if you want to go talk to Tanaka,” 

Daichi slid closer and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close. “I’m not leaving you alone right now. Besides you’re right, we should definitely celebrate this job. It’s a big deal,” 

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.” 

“So what else is there to know about this job?” 

You dropped your head onto his chest, and his body stiffened. “Apparently they’re hiring some other people abroad, so they gave me ways to contact them. That way we can help each other get settled, maybe even rent a place together,” 

“Oh, that’s really smart,” Daichi commented, “When do you have to leave?” 

“I have about a month after I accept the offer to leave,” 

Daichi furrowed his eyebrows. “You’ll have to have your birthday in Korea?” 

“I didn’t even think about that!” You lifted your head to pout at him. “I’m gonna have to spend it with practical strangers!” 

He reached up to pet your hair gently, and he couldn’t help but melt at the way your pout dropped at the gesture. He really had become an expert on how to comfort you in the years. “We’ll do something to celebrate before you leave. I’m not going to do nothing for your birthday,” You smiled at the thought before taking the last sip of your drink. 

“You’ve always been my favorite, ya know? Out of all of Tanaka’s friends,” you said. 

Daichi’s face turned pink, and he pulled his arm away from you in order to close in on himself. He broke your gaze in favor of his hands. “Thanks. You’re my favorite too,” 

“Favorite of what?” you teased. 

“Just one of my favorite people in general.” He risked taking a look at you, and Daichi only felt more nerves when he saw your smile directed at him. He loved spending time with you, but it was interactions like this that made it overwhelming sometimes. It was even worse tonight. 

He noticed that you had been quiet for a little long, and he glanced up at you. You stared at him, making Daichi furrow his eyebrows. He opened his mouth to ask you what when you finally spoke up. “Can I kiss you?” 

Now he had to ask: “What?” 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry,” you said and covered your face. “I just broke up with your friend. I shouldn’t be asking that,” 

Daichi blinked a couple of times. “What?” 

You were mortified. “I’m sorry.” 

“I-” Daichi said, “Did you ask if you could kiss me?”

“I did. I’m sorry,” you groaned, “Can we just forget abo-”

“Yes.” You raised your eyebrows at him, frozen. Daichi scooted closer. “Can I kiss you, y/n?” 

You nodded, and he leaned over to press his lips against yours softly. You tasted like the cherry lip balm he knew was your favorite. “Your lips are really soft,” he mumbled against your mouth. 

You giggled. “Thanks.” 

His cheeks burned red. “I didn’t mean to say that out loud,”

“I’m glad you did,” you said. Before Daichi could press more, you pulled him closer and connected your mouths again. This kiss had more fervor behind it, and he groaned as he cupped the back of your head. 

He grabbed your hand and led you until you were straddling him. Despite how you were groaning against his mouth, he couldn’t help but have a sinking feeling in his gut.

You were never his to have. 

But you were never really Tanaka’s either. He supposed that was the problem with you and Tanaka. There was something in you that craved freedom. Over the drunk nights, you and Daichi had talked about it- how trust wasn’t something that came easy to you. 

He pulled away from you and stared at your face. Your pupils were dilated, and the air left his lungs as he took you in. He cupped your cheeks, and you shuffled, getting more embarrassed the longer he focused on you. “You’re so beautiful,” he sighed with a soft smile. 

“Shut up,” you giggled. You dropped your head down to his shoulder to hide your face. “I think your... face looks nice too,” 

Daichi chuckled against you before pressing a kiss against your shoulder. You pulled back to press your lips against his again, letting your hands reach up to play with his hair. He cupped the back of your head softly, while the other one held onto your hip. 

You weren’t his to have; you never would be. But you were with him right now. 

It was with that thought that he pressed harsher kisses onto your mouth. He shifted the both of you until you were under him. Daichi pulled away from your mouth to trail kisses down the side of your neck, and he treasured the soft sigh you gave out close to his ear. 

You were with him right now. You were with him tonight. 

He was still Tanaka’s friend, and you had to leave for your job. A part of Daichi even wondered if you and Tanaka would consider getting back together again. When the sun came up, you would both have to be adults. You would both have to deal with those facts. 

Daichi pulled back to admire your figure once again. He tried his best to force away all the truths that you both would face come the sun. He traced the hem of your shirt with his thumb, and you sent him a soft smile. 

“I love your smile,” he whispered, leaning down to peck your lips again. It felt nice to finally tell you that after how many times he thought it to himself. He would always play your favorite song in the car in order to see it. 

You wrapped your arms around his neck and kept him close to you. Your eyes softened as you smiled at him. “I love your smile too,” you mumbled. A part of you wanted to shorten that sentence to a different sentiment, but you couldn’t force yourself to say what you really meant. 

Instead, you decided to press your mouth against Daichi’s, while he cradled the back of your head. He decided that tonight, he was going to take care of you, the way he had wished he could for these past years. The way he wished he could every time he saw you cry. 

Instead, you both decided to just focus on each other. Tomorrow, you would return to the real world. But tonight you could pretend that this was all that mattered. 

And Daichi swore to himself that he would try to be okay with it. 

[valkyriesryde]

Honey-pie

Pairing: Sam Wilson x F!Reader

Summary: Sam will do anything to make you his, he’s tired of the back and forth and the fact you’re always taken. He just wants you to be his girl.

Warnings: fluff, alcohol, swearing, thats it.

Word Count: 1,484

A/N: This is a VERY late submission to Dani’s 250 writing challenge @stuckonjbbarnes I apologise for the lateness I love you lots and I hope this makes up for it (i promise I have more fluff for you to come) LOVE YOU BABE

Masterlist

~~~~~~~

“Are they fighting again?” Steve turns to Sam behind his cup of coffee, raising an eyebrow at his friend as they watch you rolling your eyes to whoever, they assume is your current boyfriend, at the table. 

“Aren’t they always,” he sighs back.

“I can’t...I told you Zac I can't. I'm busy...I can do things WITHOUT YOU!...Does it matter?...I’m hanging out with Sam and the gang,” you bit your lip and tried not to look up at the men who you knew are in the kitchen. 

Sam’s eyes widened as Steve looked at him as if to question if you did actually have plans together, you didn’t and Sam shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. 

“What are we going to do?! You’re going to play video games all night with your friends and I’ll just sit there on my phone feeling like shit. I’m staying in tonight to hang out with my roommates okay. End of. Text me when you’ve stopped being a dick.” 

~~~~~~~

“She used you as an excuse not to hang out with her boyfriend?” Bucky questions Sam as he spins in his desk chair while Sam is sprawled out across Bucky’s bed with a slight smile on his face. 

“Yea! I was surprised that she used me because we didn’t have anything planned first of all, but I also don’t think she likes me that much like we have a sort of, I would say-”

“Banter, you two banter.” Bucky rolled his eyes at Sam and spun around again. 

“I was going to call it a cute back and forth,” Sam points out.

“Get out of my room.”

“What’d I do?!” 

“You’re being stupid. She has a boyfriend Sam,” Bucky was getting sick of this, he knew Sam had a crush on you. He also was aware you had a boyfriend, even if no one liked him. And Bucky knew that you were conflicted about the man in your life already. You didn’t need Sam making it any more complicated. 

“Yea but he’s a dick, I could and would treat her better than him. I’m not going to stop Bucky, I’m going to make her mine. I’m going to make her my girl.” Sam was determined, you deserved the best and if it were up to him the best is what you would get. He wasn’t crazy like Bucky or Steve thought. There was something there between the two of you he knew that, you knew that. You just wouldn’t admit it. Why? Because you were roommates. Because you’d known each other since college. Because if anything happened and it blew up in your face you wouldn’t forgive yourself. Because you were with Zac, even if you were realising he was a piece of shit. They were always pieces of shit. 

“Good luck.”

“I think you mean break a leg.”

“Please leave me alone.”

~~~~~~~~

A cute back and forth was a pretty good way to describe what you and Sam had. You had nicknames for each other, you always called him Sam I am and he always called you honey-pie. Always. You teased and went back and forth constantly. Whenever you talked there was never an opportunity for someone else to join the conversation because it moved so quickly and fluidly between you. 

Sitting on Zac’s couch while he went on about something you had lost interest in twenty minutes ago you realised that it was so much better talking to Sam. Sam asked you about your day as soon as he saw you, he asked how you were doing, he remembered the things you told him about, he actually listened to you. He wanted you to talk to him, he encouraged you to be a part of conversations and as someone who was more of a listener than a talker you appreciated that. He always stopped and let you collect your thoughts before you talked. He made you feel listened to, made you feel that what you had to say, as random as it was, was important. Zac never did any of that. 

You’d only been dating a few months but when you realised that, you called it quits. This isn’t how you should be feeling in a relationship and especially not this early. You didn’t tell the boys though. No one really mentioned it when you stopped going out twice a week to see him. Nobody pressed you for information. When the flat’s Halloween was being planned and they asked (mainly to confirm what they already knew) you simply told them. 

“We broke up, no need to invite him,” and that was the end of that. You didn’t make a move with Sam, he didn’t make a move with you. You figured if it was going to happen it would. It didn’t. 

The party came along and it was in full swing by midnight. The music blasting, drinking games going on in every other room. 

“You don’t look like you’re having a good time,” Sam came up behind you as you leaned against the wall watching Bucky play beer pong against T’Challa. His front pressed against you as he watched over your shoulder.

“Two jocks going at it over beer pong? Pretty sure I’ve seen this before,” you joked and Sam chuckled, his head falling to your shoulder briefly. 

“Come on honey-pie what’s on your mind that’s got you so blue?” You smirked as you turned to face him and Sam gladly smirked back, his hand on your hip. “That’s not the smile I was hoping for but I’ll take it. Come on, let’s get some snacks.” 

He pulled you through the crowd into the kitchen and you sat on the bench with a bowl of pretzels on your lap and fed Sam while he refilled your drinks. The music shifted and you jumped off, starting to sway with the beat. Sam grabbed your hand and spun you as the lyrics started. 

Ooh, girl, don't you stop

Don't you stop 'til you get enough, honey

Oh, honey, honey-pie, honey, honey, honey-pie

You spun and jumped with him to the song, your song as he called it, the reason he called you honey-pie because of the week straight you spent humming and playing it throughout the apartment. 

As the first verse started Sam pulled you into him so your back was against his front and his arm around your waist holding your hand and he sang the lyrics in your ear.

“Ooh girl don’t you stop. Till you’re my girl, girl, and I won’t stop until you’re mine, girl. And you can’t stop until you’re mine, girl. And I can’t find out what you want, what you got. I got that honey-pie, come bite it.” He sang, his lips brushing over the skin behind your ear, your head moving to give him more access to your neck as his teeth scrapped down your pulse after the last line. He pressed a kiss to the corner of your jaw, his lips on your ear. “Oh honey-pie.”

You turned your body in his arms, his hands on your hips as your fingers crept up his chest and neck until they lingered on his jaw and then his lips were on yours and he was pressing you against the side of the fridge. 

“Sam,” you breathed out as people pushed past the two of you causing him to press against you further. His thigh pushing between your legs until his entire body was touching yours. 

“Honey-p” but he couldn’t get out his sentence before you were kissing him again. His hands moving all over, up your back, under your shirt until someone cleared their throat behind him and you jumped apart. 

“Look I’m happy for the two of you, but get a fucking room. You have two to choose from just please don’t fuck in my kitchen!” Bucky grabbed a beer out of the fridge and rolled his eyes at the two of you while you held back a giggle in Sam’s arms. 

“We pay rent too!” Sam quipped back but you were already pulling him down the hallway towards your room and as you pushed him into the room with a laugh from both of you you heard Bucky call out.

“I OWN THE HOUSE!” 

Sam sat on the edge of the bed and pulled your hand until you sat on his lap, your arms wrapped around his neck loosely and his around your waist. He wore a goofy smile as he looked at you and his fingers ran under your shirt.

“What are you smiling at?” You asked him, tracing his cheekbones and Sam placed soft kisses on your palm as he hummed. 

“My honey-pie,” and he leaned forward and kissed your collarbone, nuzzling into your neck. 

“Yours huh?” 

“Not gonna stop until your mine baby-girl.” 

~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!

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[youarejesting]

Femme: 50 Finale

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang, Erik Nam, Hyuna x Dawn, Black Pink x Female oc, TXT x robot oc, Got7 x Female oc Rating: Mature themes mentioned but not really explored. Length: 2.8k Announcement: This is the last chapter. I may have cried writing this piece. Beta: @lpayne612​​

You saw him waiting by the car, eating a donut, and drinking a cold coffee, and you went up to the service counter, “Can I borrow your PA system to tell my husband that he is pregnant?” The man at the counter grinned and handed over the microphone, explaining how to use it.

“Park Jimin,” you said facing the forecourt - grinning watching him lookup, “I took a pregnancy test, we’re pregnant!” 

You saw him drop everything before falling to his knees and crying, covering his head with his hands. “I love you.”

He got up and ran inside dodging cars. People were clapping happily, and he grabbed you, kissing you fiercely, his fingers brushing against your neck, and hooking his thumb under your soft collar.

“We did it, princess!” He sniffed.

“We did!”

“Am I going to finally be a dad?’

“You are.”

“I dropped my coffee!” He laughed, his cheeks glistening.

“One coffee for the father to be,” a man smiled. “I remember when my wife said we were pregnant, it is such a good feeling, so this one is on me”

Driving home his hand was in yours, and he would occasionally bring your hand to his face and kiss your knuckles, whispering how much he loved you. You had explained to him you mistook implantation bleeding with a period because you were stressed and tightly strung with thoughts of letting him down.

He told you that he would never want you to stress and that there was nothing you could do that would ever let him down. “Just you breathing, and in my life, means the world to me.

Jimin came home and received a hug and kiss from all the children, a few crying saying they missed him and he cried back. “Where did you go?”

“Well, DaddyJii had to buy mummy a special drink so she could have a baby,” Jimin smiled at the children.

“Don’t be silly, Daddy Goo told us how mummy has babies in her belly,” Jae Eun said.

“Yeah, he says mummy eats a special fish and then the fish swims around in her belly and changes like a tadpole,” Jae Hwa smiled proudly.

“Yes, well the special drink has the fish in it.” You smiled at them, not ready to explain the birds and the bees just yet - wanting to preserve their innocence  for just a few more years.

“Does it tickle Ama?” Huimang asked, “The fishy in your belly?”

“Sometimes, but the fishy is too small to feel just yet. When the fish turns into a baby, you will be able to feel the baby move in my tummy.”

There was a big family celebration; you made a huge donation to the Femme rehabilitation organization and, honestly, had a really good pregnancy. The number one hashtag as you entered your ninth month was ‘#SugaTheMusicProducerAndBabyInducer’ which made said man pout and avoid you whenever he heard it in mock fear. 

He had written a few songs boasting that any pregnant woman listening to his album may go into labour at the sound of his voice. You went live with your family talking about things and what you all planned to do as a family. 

“We have shared our whole world with you and it has been so long. You, have seen our ups and downs, and we want to continue to show you everything until the end. Just recently, with my struggle with fertility, we realized we don’t want to hide all these natural things from the world.” You grimace at the camera, another cramp taking over. You were secretly timing them so as not to finish the livestream early. 

“We were lucky to fall pregnant, but not everybody gets that chance, so we are so thankful and are giving a donation to the specific fertility group we went through who was absolutely lovely.” You knew that the contractions were slowly getting closer together, but you would rather stay in the comfort of your own home and keep yourself busy with a livestream than going and sitting in a hospital room bored - and uncomfortable - waiting to go into active labour and dilate.

“Someone asked if we will have any more children?” Seokjin was designated to read the comments.

“No, we are already blessed with so many we won’t be greedy. Plus, I’m getting older and there are more chances of complications the older I get, so I do not wish to push the limits of my health. I want to be around for my family for as many years as I can.”

“Have you thought of any names?” Seokjin genuinely seemed interested by this question.

“Many.” You smiled, “We don’t know the gender of our baby, so we haven’t really settled on one - but a few.”

“Have you had any weird cravings?” Jungkook read some comments over the older man's shoulder, and they all began discussing your weird eating habits. 

“Yoongi, if you had to induce a baby what would you do? I am due today, and the baby doesn’t look like they’re coming any time soon.”

“Well, I would lean down and whisper, ‘alright little one, it’s time to get out or you can start paying rent,’” Yoongi laughed at your belly, rubbing it gently.

“No, I am determined to entice my own child out,” Jimin leaned down so he was cupping your belly, his lips almost brushing the fabric of your dress. “Come on now baby, daddy wants to meet you.”

You could laugh at the timing as your water broke, thanking the heavens you were shooting from the waist up. “Did…” Namjoon gasped in shock.

“Did you just pee?” Jungkook shouted

“No my water just broke.” You gripped your tummy, breathing through the pain while trying to stop the laughter.

You had all decided to take the audience with you. It was mostly the camera on the boys and a nervous looking Jimin who was doting on you in the ward. You were having a blast talking and laughing with the audience while Seokjin was texting Erik and Namjoon’s dad, trying to make sure the kids were all fine getting ready for bed.

You were taken up to the VIP labour ward and you were having a great time. Your audience was super supportive, and you said goodbye getting wheeled off to the birthing suite. This labour was the easiest - you were so experienced you knew all the cues, and your body relaxed understanding what you were supposed to do.

A little boy. He was tiny in Jimin’s hands and he kept saying thank you. “Thank you for giving me this opportunity, this miracle who I will cherish everyday, I love you both so much, I love you my princess” 

He held him in his arms as they wheeled you back to the private ward where you met the others. Jimin hadn’t stopped crying and Taehyung, Hoseok, and Yoongi engulfed him in a hug. The live stream was still going on with a million-person audience waiting to see the baby.

“It’s a boy,” Jimin said, “and we both agreed his name would be Byul.” 

You were happy and the boys grinned. You all looked up at the camera and waved, signing off - spending the time alone together. The nurse came in, “We have to check the baby's hearing and heart and take a full screen of his blood. All routine stuff.”

Jimin nodded, taking the baby in his arms and following the nurse. It wasn’t a long process, but when Jimin didn’t come back you started to get worried. You visibly began stressing the blankets. “What is taking so long?” your laugh was forced and there was little semblance of a joke.

“It’s okay, there are other babies. maybe they are waiting on another?”

Jimin stepped in and he was crying holding his son preciously in his hands, as if holding him too tightly could hurt the newborn. “Byul might be deaf, they will have to um, check him again soon.”

“What do you mean?”

“They said it could just be fluid in his ear, but they will check again in a few hours,” Jimin sniffed.

Upon the second third and fourth hearing test, it was almost clear that Byul was partially deaf. He could hear a little, but the doctor explained it would forever be super muffled. That didn’t mean he couldn’t recognize your voices, though. He still could just hear, and you were fine with that - any hearing was a blessing at that point.

You headed home, and Jimin took leave from work. He spent time caring for his son and even signed up for classes on sign language. Everyone went to the classes together and began learning, as it would be easier if you all learnt early.

Byul was not a typical happy baby spending most of his time crying - it was mostly due to the fact he scared easily. Being unable to hear when you were there, Byul would call for you and you would press your lips to his forehead and against his skin so he knew you were there. The vibrations running through his body. 

He loved when you would do this but especially enjoyed Taehyung’s deep rumbling voice, it made him giggle.

He learnt cues differently. Instead of mum and dad, you taught him to touch his cheek in certain ways for these words. He wasn’t a shy baby, but he still only made a few noises. He was quick to learn how to walk and run and play. 

Jeongsan was so good at sign language, he was quick to tell you what byul needed and took it upon himself to help his younger brother where he could. 

You were still learning, and you had a discussion with the boys about your channel and what you should do. It was a mutual agreement that you would make your final broadcast that evening before a hiatus - which you didn’t know when or if you would come back. 

It was a rainy afternoon, and Byul sat on your lap on the back porch, watching the rain and lighting and feeling the thunder shake the sky. 

He laid back in your arms, and you sang to him and signed in front of him to sing along. He tried his best, his voice sweet like his father’s, and you did the signs the whole song. 

His little gold hearing aids helped him out so much, but he sometimes preferred to not wear them, as he didn’t always like the feeling. 

“My son,” you signed with a big bright smile “I love you.”

“Mama love you,” he answered, repeating your gesture as big as he could and you laughed hugging him tightly.

You all had just posted your live stream as a family saying you were going on hiatus. You felt like you wanted to cry, walking towards the kitchen to make yourself a calming cup of tea. When Kyungju asked, “Ate you okay mum?”

Turning, you looked at your family all looking back at you, all your beautiful children smiling at you, and then there were your husbands. 

All looking beautiful. Seokjin still with a gentle smile, Yoongi looking impassive and yet now you could see the emotions in his eyes. Jungkook with the same bunny toothed smile, and thirteen years washed away like you were falling in love with them all over again. They stood in front of you just like they had that day, eyes bright and curious and you smiled. Speaking clearly in English while signing so every member of your family knew what you were saying. 

“I love you.”

Everything was good, until I completed everything ready to post. I attached the last header for the last time and I just sobbed. Saying goodbye to this story is the hardest thing, I have experienced to this day. It was one of my safe havens a world I created to escape all the bad and well it has reached its happy ending. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey.

Ever your Jester.

Femme Media 50

[The End]

Tags: @obeythehemmings​ @delightfuldela​ @zxlla​ @dopefrancistheturd​ @h5naaa​ @topthis808​ @bubbletae7​ @narcissism-iskey​ @gqmf-bangtanmama​ @beach-bitch-bitch-beach​ @kthstrawberryshortcake​ @latina-nerd-deactivated20200611​ @domaindopemancom​ @rosita7703​ @knjkitten​ @notruercolors​​ @kpopnonous​​ @ladytaja @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d​​ @bluehairedotakugem​​ @moments-of-melancholy​​

[starry-knight-skies]

Title: Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not? Part Summary: Graduation meant freedom from parents and freedom to do whatever he wanted. For Roman, that meant asking his long term boyfriend, aka the love of his life, aka Virgil, a very important question Words: 1336 For @space-captain-lars (ily!) Part 2/ Part 3

There was something inherently freeing about moving out, striking out on your own and making your own way in the world. For Roman, that meant less being on his own, but he was out of his parent’s house. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his parents and their endless patience for his brother’s nonsense. But it was hard to get alone time with Virgil once they had officially started dating and now he could cuddle with him on the couch as much as he wanted… Within reason, of course. They were getting a nice little house together with Patton and Logan to help with the cost of being on their own, so they didn’t have full freedom, but this was great! 

They weren’t fully moved in yet, all of the rooms empty and waiting for their furniture to be delivered, and all of the rooms needed repainted. But it was theirs! And that was what mattered! Patton and Logan had gone to get the first load of their furniture in the moving trucks, leaving Roman and Virgil to get started on the painting. Roman plugged his phone to the speaker to blast some music and they got to work.

The first room to be repainted was the living room, the old paint an off-yellow color that they all agreed needed to be changed. A nice warm, welcoming blue was what was decided on, and they got to work. Roman couldn’t help but sing along to the songs that played, head bopping along to the beat and a grin tugging on his lips whenever Virgil chimed in to sing along. He’d always been a little self-conscious about it, but Roman thought it sounded absolutely lovely and he was more than happy to tell him so whenever he got the chance. He’d also love to wrap an arm around him and spin him around in a quick impromptu dance that made the painting process longer than it should have. 

They did get the walls done before Logan and Patton returned with their first trip with the furniture, and after going out to grab some breakfast at a nearby diner, they were back to start moving things inside. The walls were dry by that point, and with teamwork and Logan coordinating their movements, they made quick work of getting the room put together and they were off to start on the next room.  

The next room they started on was the kitchen. Most of the cabinets needed sanded down or repainted, and upon further inspection, one needed to be replaced fully. The previous tenants had left it in rough shape, and with Logan expressing interest to work towards buying, their landlord gave them cheaper rent if they did all the painting and fixing the small problems themselves.

They had chosen a bright, cheerful yellow for the kitchen, and they made quick work on getting it done. Patton and Logan weren’t back yet, but they wanted to keep this momentum going, so they moved to start on their bedroom. Since Logan was the one with interest in buying the house, he got claim to the larger of the two bedrooms, but the second one was still a decent size. There was plenty of room for both his and Virgil’s things.

For their bedroom, they’ve decided on a nice lavender color. Roman had suggested it to help Virgil sleep at night, knowing full well of his boyfriend’s habit of staying up later than he should. They spread out the newspaper out along the floor to catch any stray drops of paint and got to work. Roman hummed along with the music still playing from his phone, glancing over his shoulder occasionally to glance over at Virgil.

They had been working for just under twenty minutes when an idea came to Roman and he perked up. They were both wearing old clothes while they painted, and the water was on and working in the building so… He got a good scoop of paint on his paintbrush and waited for Virgil to start turning towards him before flinging it at him.

Time seemed to stand still for a minute as Virgil looked at him in shock. Roman was just starting to think he made a big mistake when the corner of his boyfriend’s lips curled up, a familiar, competitive sparkle in his eye. “Oh it is on Princey.” 

Roman grinned back at him, and thus they started splattering paint at each other, neither noticing when the playlist reached the end. They were both too focused on winning this impromptu competition, both grinning and laughing. More paint ended up on the floors and on them than the walls by the time they called an end, and they would have to repaint, but Roman liked to think this was a very productive way to spend his time. Anything that gets Virgil to smile like that was worth it.

“I totally won that, by the way.” Virgil commented, moving to grab a rag to wipe his hands and arms of the excess paint. They really needed to get cleaned up so they can go meet Patton and Logan for lunch before they start moving more stuff in. 

Roman just made a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, easily wiping his hands down before moving to his bag that he had set right outside the door. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure that Virgil wasn’t watching before quickly taking a small black box he had tucked away.

“We need to get moving or we’re going to-” Virgil’s voice trailed off as he turned around, seeing Roman go down on one knee behind him. “... be late…” He seemed almost at a loss for words. “What are you doing?”

Roman gently cleared his throat, his shoulders squared, even as his hands shook minutely. “I know this isn’t something you’d like a big crowd for, despite the fact I would love nothing more than to shout it to the world how much I love you.”

“Roman..”

Roman held a hand up to halt Virgil’s words, letting out a slow breath. “Just… I love you Virgil. I’ve loved you for so long, and I know in my heart I’m going to continue to love you for as long as it’s beating. And I know we’re young, but that doesn’t matter to me. I want to be with you, only  you, if you’ll have me.”

Virgil was quiet for a moment, a small huff slipping past his lips as he lifted a hand to rub at his eyes. “Roman, you’re an idiot sometimes, you know that?” He grinned at the expected sputtering, his smile softening as he gave a little nod. “Of course I want to be with you. Only you.” 

His hand was mostly clean of the paint so he held it out expectantly, and Roman eagerly slipped the ring on his finger. He’d been saving up all his allowance and money from his part-time job to buy it, and he still had a lot to pay off, but the look of wonder on Virgil’s face was more than worth it. There was a faint, pleased flush to his cheeks, eyes alight in delight, and he wanted to lock that image in his head forever.

They weren’t anywhere near ready to be married, but his heart was bursting with the knowledge that the day would one day come. But for now… He cleared his throat after a moment, finally drawing Virgil’s eyes away from the ring to look at him curiously. “So? Are you gonna kiss me or not?” 

Virgil huffed out a laugh, throwing his arms around Roman’s shoulders and pulling him into a kiss and knocking him off balance. They both broke out in laughter for a moment before kissing again, easily losing themselves in the moment. They were a little late to getting to the diner for lunch, but the excited chatter from Patton and the quiet congratulations from Logan were well worth it.

[cilliansaccent]

The Peaky Designer - Cillian Fanfic, Chapter 8

Hello, welcome back. Below is the next instalment of my fanfiction!

Leave a like or a comment if you liked it, or if I can do anything better! Please, it would mean the world and to understand if anyone is enjoying my writing. Also, sharing/reblogging would be even better.

PLEASE READ:

I will not be including Cillian’s family as it’s kinda weird since he has children lmao. Just a mention of his parents and a previous lover.

I will indicate in a chapter if there is smut in the beginning and before the actual scene!!

I will add trigger warnings if there is any!!

There is a variety of levels of swearing during a chapter, I will not hold back, everyone swears.

The timestamp for the Fic is now 2016 and onwards!! 

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Background: Gabrijela Babic is a Croatian girl from Sydney, Australia. She is born in the year 1991 on the 24th of December. She studies a Fashion degree in a University with a major in Game Design as well. Her teacher in the fashion designer class managed to nail an Internship on the set of Peaky Blinders with the shows very own Costume Designer, Allison McCosh. There, she travels to London for under a year to learn how to be one, working alongside the actors as well the man she admires, Cillian Murphy. But, her platonic feelings for the man begins to grow into something more, and she wonders whether she should pursue them or let him go for fear of her strict parents and her three older brothers…

Characters:

Swantje Paulina as Gabrijela Babic (swalina on Instagram)

Cillian Murphy

Word Count: 1,860

!!Warnings!!: None.

Date: End of July, Early August 2016

Chapter Name: Bestfriends are Forever... 

Brief Chapter Outline: Gabrijela says goodbye to the Cast and Crew as her last day as an intern before she gets an interesting surprise at the end of the day... 

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Since the day out in Bath and the kiss Gabrijela shared with Cillian, working with him was strange. There was this unspoken thing between them, they both wanted each other but they had no idea what to do with that thought. 

The fact that she was a worker and he was her employer, it was not right to dwell on those feelings. But it was so hard. 

And then there was Logan, who was making it even harder. He was proving himself to be a wonderful man, he treated her kindly, took her out for dinners whenever they were free. The sex was magical, he made sure she was feeling fine during each session as she had come clean about her hell with her ex. Logan had been understanding and kissed her long into the night and worshipped her body. 

She started to like Logan a lot, he had bought her little gifts such as books or music for her to listen to since she had a CD Player in her apartment thanks to Logan. 

Gabrijela found herself smiling whenever he texted her, checking in if she was okay after her trip back home. Or even after a very stressful day, he would call her up. 

Now that filming was at its halfway point, there were times where she would have to travel further and spend the night at a motel, sharing a room with Logan. And somehow word got out they were a couple, Gabrijela blushed when her friends teased and poked at her. And yet, the pair seemed to just... go along with it. 

And not too long they ended up calling it official. They celebrated the day with a night out with the group, spending it at a local pub as their weekends began to be clogged up with filming and preparing major scenes. 

Cillian found out one morning when he had overheard some girls chatting about Logan and Gabrijela being a thing now. It broke his heart, or well, made him upset... No, it broke his heart. But what was he honestly supposed to do? He should be happy she was with someone closer to her age. He had caught the pair behind low traffic areas on set all over each other, kissing and touching... 

He kept on walking, away from it. But when she was close to him, helping him put on his shoes or vest or jacket and fixing up anything out of place... He couldn't help but touch her hip. 

And she didn't back away or push his hand. She looked up at him and saw the desperation in her eyes. The want and need she had for him, but the moment Logan's voice filtered in, she turned away and all that emotion for him was gone. As if she didn't want to let him see it anymore, as if it was a sin. 

Cillian cherished the small moments they had together, she had still managed to keep their friendship strong. When she had time, she made sure she had time for him and invited him to her apartment so they could listen to a new song or old songs from their favourite bands. Or go out of her way to buy lunch for him or she bought it for most of the cast with the help of some friends of hers when the day became terribly busy. 

Her kindness and care for him remained, it never wavered. Cillian never felt so drawn to someone as fiercely as ever, Gabrijela had shown genuine interest and love, there was no faking it. She was tentative to his needs and was always there when he wanted a good chat when things became stressful. And he reciprocated the feelings back and he always loved the look on her face. 

The worst was whenever they spent a day or a few hours together, even during lunchtime she had come over, his feelings for her grew each and every day. 

All he wanted was to gather her in his arms, kiss her and whisper sweet words that would make her freckled cheeks blush and bring upon that goddess of a smile that would light up her eyes. 

He wanted to lay with her, on their sides and facing each other, staring longingly before he would kiss her and take her gently. He'd drag out a moan from her, pulling their bodies in and be locked with her. 

He wanted to wake up every morning with her at his side, turn over and whisper the words that seemed to settle deep within his heart. 

He wanted to take her on an adventure around the globe, spend every waking moment with her. 

He wanted a life with her, despite the age gap and every other possibility that could hinder their relationship. 

But Cillian would appreciate the small moments he had with Gabrijela even when another man made love to her body and made her smile in a way no one would. Not even him now. 

He would work with her, be as close as friends in the months that passed. He would do whatever it takes to make her the best person through this internship of hers. There were some days where she did not show up, he had learned she was to take some online exams and she had been studying full out while she was here. 

Gabrijela had not just worked on the set of Peaky Blinders either, there were times where Allison had trusted her enough to handle smaller projects for small plays and send her off to other parts of London to work with other people. It was fantastic, she would be working another four months after she would leave Peaky Blinders. She had to extend her stay here, her parents seemed iffy but they saw how happy she was. So they let her stay. 

Even began to pay for her rent despite she was being paid for the four months she was at this play. Even the extra month and a week for free time for herself. 

But it came the time for Gabrijela to say goodbye to the cast she had called family. It was a crazy madhouse but she enjoyed every moment of it. 

The cast all gave their farewells to her, hugging and giving her a large poster of all the cast before and now and it was all signed. The back of it had a heartfelt message. Gabrijela would cherish it, she wasn't the type to be annoyed. She loved anything that was given to her, but just no food. That was something she didn't like. 

They had even taken a group photo all dressed up and in the famous street, Watery Lane. 

Once the goodbyes were said and last hugs, she finally left with the giant poster and a cap signed by Cillian. She smiled as she sat on the train and hugged the cap to her chest, Logan beside her and playing on his phone. 

She hoped she would see Cillian sometime during the next few months, especially before she'd leave. He really had an impact on her, soul, body and heart. She realised, despite being with Logan, she would always love Cillian. And not just as a friend. 

Once they got off the train, they walked down the street together, hand in hand. "Have a good day?" Logan asked her. 

"Yeah, I did. I'm gonna miss it." She said, looking up at her boyfriend. 

"I'm gonna miss you and our fun." He nudged her, she giggled. 

"I'll come by and visit." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. 

As they neared her apartment, someone was sitting at the stairs. 

Gabrijela squinted and saw the familiar wild black curly hair and the pink fluffy jumper.

"Oh, my god. Lucia?!" Gabrijela gasped. 

The black girl turned and beamed, "GABBIE!" She cried and ran to her, the two girls clutching each other and laughing. 

"Oh my god!! Lucia!" Gab cried again and hugged her tightly. 

"Hello! Finally! Oh my god, am I glad to see you!" Lucia cupped her face and giggling. 

"Oh, its good to see you too, beautiful." Gab was almost in tears. 

Lucia spotted Logan walking over, carrying the things Gab had dropped. 

"Damn, who is this hunk of a man?" Lucia smirked and pulled away, holding her hand out. "Lucia, nice to meet you..." She trailed off. 

"Logan." He laughed and shook her hand, "Gab's boyfriend." 

Lucia gasped and looked at Gab, "Boyfriend?!" 

"Oh god, Logan." Gab pouted, "Yeah. We clicked." 

"Oh my, lucky girl." Lucia giggled. 

It started to rain, "Let's go inside. I'll make us tea or something." Gabrijela said. 

"Oh, no. I better head home. It's another long day tomorrow." Logan shook his head, handing Gab her stuff. 

"Aw, come on. I need to hear the details." Lucia said. 

Gabrijela sighed and gave a look to Logan and it convinced him. 

"Only for a bit, then I gotta get going." He said. 

The trio got into the apartment and got comfy. Gabrijela made tea for them all as Lucia began to shoot questions left, right and centre. Lucia explained how she wanted to surprise Gabrijela by coming here for two weeks and to travel around with her since she was now free. But then it came to how Logan became Gabrijela's boyfriend soon enough. 

Gabrijela answered briefly when it came to the sex and Logans... size downstairs. 

Logan seemed to not want to answer to much about it either, "I don't find that appropriate." He said to Lucia who looked pouty. 

"Why not? It shouldn't be too shameful." Lucia said sipping her tea. 

Gabrijela sat beside Logan, a hand on his thigh. 

"Well, I don't like to talk about it." Logan quipped, scowling a little. 

"Fine, how long have you two been dating then?" Lucia asked, scoffing. 

"Almost a month now," Gabrijela replied, not really liking how Lucia was behaving childishly. 

"Nice. Let's hope it lasts." She said with a hint of annoyance. 

"What did you say?" Gabrijela glared at her. 

"I just said let's hope it lasts." She shrugged and put her empty cup down. 

"Lucia, what's wrong, huh? I thought you'd be happy." Gabrijela seemed upset. 

"Hey, okay. I think uh you best be going, Lucia." Logan said, keeping an arm around Gabrijela. 

"Why? Am I bothering you?" She stared at him with a hard look. 

"No, but you are making your best friend here clearly upset." Logan shot back. 

She sighed and stood, "Fine. I'll go." She said and just... left like that. 

Gabrijela sighed heavily, "She does this all the time. And not just with you, with my other friends." She said, looking up at him. 

"Doesn't seem healthy. Or good behaviour." He kissed her forehead. 

"I'll see what's up tomorrow." She said and stood up with him. "You don't want to stay?" She wrapped her arms around his waist. 

"I'd love to, but I got an early start tomorrow." He leaned down and kissed her deeply, "I'll stay tomorrow night." 

She smiled, "Okay. You take care." She murmured and kissed him once more before he also left as well. 

[thestudyfeels]

How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.) 

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

   To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

   They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.  

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

   And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

   If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.  

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

   To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to…  Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

   I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway: 

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.   

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway: 

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

   Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

   Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway: 

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway: 

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.  

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

   If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

   (play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

 With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

   I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[seoulscenarios]

College AU! Bang Chan

ahhhhhh!!!!!! we made it to 100 followers today and we decided to release a special series in order to celebrate! starting with chan, we’ll be releasing a college au or two a day all to do with stray kids! i hope you enjoy and thank you all once again, bc without you we wouldn’t be doing this

- Major: Music Production (are we even surprised lmao)

-Minor: Home Economics

-Clubs: ……. He has no time to go to clubs, though he does occasionally help out Johnny at the radio station by sending him songs to play or, even once, he hosted alongside him, he also occasionally goes to seungmin’s baseball club to help him train bc he’s the sports dad lbr

- He’s a 3rd year student which means…… he’s currently dying

-Minho thought he had it bad being a education major but chan,,,,, his bloodstream was coffee, he became one with the coffee lmao

-Chan hyung? When did you last sleep?

-Sleep? What is this sleep you speak of?

-Speaking of hyung, chan rent out his apartment bc he’s a broke student and he basically ended adopting a fellow australian in the form of Felix who was a 1st year,,,, which meant chan practically adopted him and his merry bunch of friends

-Not that he minded,,,, but his wallet did lmao bc paying for 9 people at bbq during peak time,,,,, chan practically cried and shut himself in the recording studio and wrote a song about how the ones you worry about aren’t your enemies but the ones who smile like the sun then rob u blind at dinner

-(lmao no chan loved his kids really and one time felix did offer to pay he practically wrestled him,,,,, chan won)

-So his major

-Is mostly practical with a tiny bit of theory throw in once a week to learn about different production techniques which chan found HELLA interesting bc he loved to learn new things about music

-Music was his passion and he had no doubt about going to uni to do music as a career because there was nothing else he ever wanted to do

-So Chan gets sit in a recording studio most days and gets Woojin to sing on some of his tracks whilst bribing two of Felix’s friends who he met at an underground rap scene to record as well

-The first time he met those two friends, Changbin and Jisung, he felt an instant connection esp bc he found out that Changbin was the kid his production teacher was enthusing about for weeks lmao

-And whilst Jisung didn’t major in music production, his song writing and rap flow were so unique that chan was determined to recruit him

-Luckily,,,, they both agreed bc they already knew who chan was from Felix and he has campus reputation for being the best music student on campus (not that chan really knew about this,, he was just very confused whenever he saw gangs on giggling people around him that he almost always looked around to see if Taeyong or Daniel were nearby lmao sweetie no it’s you)

-Him, Changbin and Jisung formed a trio and they all wrote songs and performed in underground uni clubs and rumour says that whenever 3racha performed there was a waiting list for about 3 months

-The three of them were extremely popular but they rarely performed as Chan was extremely busy with 3rd year work oh no

-But whenever they did

-Oh boy

-Was it extremely popular

-Throngs of people,,,, and a lot of phones taking recordings and posting them on the college snapchat or on Instagram

-They became a famous group though not many of them knew the boys by their real names bc they had stage names uwu

-Only those who were very into the music scene figured out that CB97 was the music production departments’ prize angel student and when they tried to tell other people on the campus,,,, they never believed it bc how could Bang Chan, a sweetheart, rap like that about such deep issues when he performed at college festivals and showcases he played softer mellower songs

-Your friends were very much into Bang Chan and 3racha and they were always found amongst the gaggles of people who saw him round campus or attended 3racha concerts religiously

-Not that you could ever be seen amongst the gaggles

-You had quite the reputation on campus,,, the kids had nicknamed you stone y/n stemmed from the fact you were from a pretty well known family, and walked around campus with a completely blank face and only had a few friends that could crack your exterior

-People generally avoided you bc they weren’t sure whether they could even talk to you without being glared at or ur family would come for them

-It was a bit sad really,,, bc u weren’t that scary lmao

-You just wanted to pass college with good grades and you never went out on nights out or anything, you weren’t against it you just didn’t find it interesting,,,, much the opposite to your friends who LOVED going out, you let them get on with it and they respected your decision as well

-You weren’t even sure if Bang Chan was a real person or just a campus urban myth bc u had never seen him before

-No matter how many times ur friends tried to drag you to the local underground rap scene bc “OMG Y/N 3RACHA IS PERFORMING TONIGHT AND YOU NEED TO SEE THEM OMG!!p”£!” (this is one thing they always tried to drag you to bc they knew you would love the music)

-You never went because you would much rather be studying

-I mean, you were a law student and had many case studies and mock trials to study and prepare for so you didn’t have much free time

-And whilst you loved music, you had your life sorted out and you intended to graduate college this year with a 1st class honours so you could get your dream internship with a famous law firm

-Please Y/N you need to come out and see 3racha with us because their music is right up your alley musically 

-I… really can’t I have a mock trial coming up next week and I need to do well

-Promise me one day you’ll come with us

-Pinky promise, I’ll try and come to the next one if I can

-I’ll be holding you to that I will rip your law textbooks out of your hand and throw them out of the window

-SANA WHAT THE HELL

-A n y w a y

-You could be found most days at the library with a stack of law books and a highlighter in your hand, whilst you sipped coffee

-Little did you know that would be the day you finally encountered the urban myth that was Bang Chan

-At first you didn’t realise that he was stood opposite your table

-“Hi-uh there’s no other seats in the library apart from here….. is it okay if I sit on your table?”

-You startle out of the passage explain corporate law and look up to see Chan

-His silver hair was all curled and quite frankly a mess, his eyes wide and alert with extremely dark bags under them and his hand curled protectively around a large coffee

-You just nod, moving your materials closer to you so he could have some more space

-You heard him sigh in relief and slump in the chair opposite you, taking his laptop out of his bag alongside a notebook covered in stickers with bits of paper sticking out of it

- You rolled your eyes, thinking he was one of those students who procrastinated until the last week before his exam, and put your head back to your textbook, fully intending to ignore the boy opposite you

-You were surprised, however, to find that he was being quiet and just working on,,,,, whatever he was doing

-Most people who came to sat at your table were normally very distracting (constantly talking loudly on the phone, eating, sighing heavily and twirling pens u know the ones)

-It was quite a pleasant change from what you were used to and you settled down to finish your textbook chapter

-It was about an hour later, when you were taking a break, when Chan asked you a question

-He coughed and you looked up at him from your phone

-You noticed that he had a pair of very professional looking headphones around his neck and you couldn’t help but notice just how his eyes were sparkling

-“I’m going to grab a coffee and I was just wondering if you wanted one?”

-Oh what’s this

-Someone offering to buy you coffee,,, this has literally never happened before??

-“Oh um,,, only if you want to I mean it’d be really nice if you did law is killing me you know hahah but you really dont have to” you spluttered out

-“It’s no problem! You probably need a pick me up because I know I do, just keep an eye on my stuff yeah?” he replied before walking off to what you presumed the campus coffee shop

-You blinked a few times before trying to get back to your work, deeming your break to be over

-However you were kinda still a bit shocked that the cute boy opposite you offered to get you a coffee????

-Deciding that work wasn’t going to happen, you glanced over at the work he had left out

-You saw that the bits of paper you noticed earlier were scattered around his laptop and from what you could see, they appeared to have music notes and lyrics scattered across them

-A music major?? But why would a music major need a laptop??

-You thought about reading one of the lyrics sheets before realising that come on Y/N that’s someone’s work they probably don’t want a complete stranger to look at them

-You were still staring when the cute boy came back

-“One coffee for you, I wasn’t sure what you liked so I got you an Americano?? I hope that’s okay?” he told you, handing you a cup

-“Americano is fine with me, it’s what I had earlier in fact! Thanks uh—”

-“Chan, my name is Chan. Or Chris. More often Chan to be honest. You’re welcome, but it’s only fair I get your name as well”

-“Y/N. Only Y/N.” you smiled at him which he returned

-And that’s when you saw his dimples

-They were extremely deep and, quite frankly, adorable

-Your eyes trailed Chan as he sat in his seat, slipping the headphones back over his ears and picking up a piece of paper

-You snapped your eyes back to your textbook, trying to focus back on corporate law whilst nursing your coffee with both hands

-It was a torturous 2 hours before you decided that you couldn’t take it anymore

-Chan kept distracting you

-Not that he meant to, you just found him to be extremely distracting

-y/n STOP YOU ONLY MET HIM TODAY

-As you began to pack your highlighters away you saw Chan slip off his headphones and unplug them from his laptop

-Great

-“Are you heading out?”

-“Oh uh yeah”

-“Cool same, wanna walk out together?”

-“Sure!” you replied a little too enthusiastically, internally groaning at yourself

-Chan, unbeknownst to you, found this extremely adorable and as he was packing his stuff away he snuck glances at you and saw the tips of your ears tinted red

-He smiled to himself as he swung his backpack over his shoulders, waiting for you pack your stuff away

-You,,,, were struggling

-Not only was Chan being extremely nice to you, you happened to have brought a lot of textbooks with you which seemed like a good idea when you came

-But walking back to ur dorm,,,,, seemed extremely bad

-You were balancing the last book onto the pile you were carrying when Chan popped up over the top of them

-And,,, without asking just grabbed a few of them and carried them for you, flashing his smile at you

-y/n ? y/n? oh my god they’re dead

-“You ready?”

-And that kids, is how one of the campus heartthrobs carried stone Y/N’s law books from the library to your dorm

-Safe to say the library, the campus, the world had stopped breathing as they saw the two of you walk across campus to the dorms chatting quite animatedly

-It turned out you and chan had very similar taste in music and he was just telling you about the project he was working on at the moment as you walked up the stairs to your dorm (the lift was broken,,, again)

-He offered to carry the rest of your books as you struggled to find your keys and balance the books as well

-You shook your head, finally grabbing your keys and unlocking the door

-Your roommate was unfortunately in and screamed your name when it DIED in their throat as their eyes lay upon Chan stepping in and following you to your desk

-“You can just put them there thanks so much Chan, you really didn’t have to”

-“I know” he smiled “you needed help though so I decided to”

-“I appreciate a lot” you smiled back (ur roommate was watching this with WIDE EYES and pulled out their phone to spam the gc bc hello chan was in your room and talking with you, also how could anyone think you were stone like bc you were blushing like MAD and ur roomie was cackling)

-“Anyway, I’ll see you round Y/N?”

-“Sure thing, I’m normally at the library in that same spot just hit me up there”

-Chan went to go leave before turning round and you looked at him questioningly

-“Can I get your number?”

-UR ROOMIE NEARLY SCREAMED AT THAT POINT AND SO DID YOU

-“Oh uh sure…”

-On the inside you were dying hello y/n ??? you there???

-Chan smiled and pulled his phone out, giving it to you

-You plugged ur number into his phone and u were blushing crazily rn

-Chan grinned at this, his dimples showing themselves and ur roomie was PLOTTING, typing furiously on their phone

-When you handed his phone back to him, Chan smiled at you before waving goodbye and leaving

-When the door shut ur roomie THREW THEMSELVES AT YOU THROWING QUESTIONS ABOUT WHY HAD BANG CHAN WALKED YOU HOME WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK Y/N U BETTER HAVE ANSWERS

-Ur roomie kept bombarding you with questions but you could only focus on one thing

-Bang Chan?? The Chan you met and had walked you across campus was the Bang Chan???

-“That was Bang Chan?!”

-Your roomie sighed heavily and was like YES U IDIOT THAT WAS THE BANG CHAN

-You flopped onto your bed wondering how this was your life when ur phone pinged with a message

-You groaned, taking it out eyes widening when u saw it was a message from Chan

-You opened it up, quickly saving the number to your phone before reading the message

-[from: XXX-XXXXX-XX] hi it’s me Chan! I remembered the song I was trying to tell you about earlier! Hope you enjoy

-Your roomie was enjoying this, watching u suffer and tapping a reply to Chan

-Giggling, they updated the group chat with a plan to get you and Chan together

-Luckily,,, one of ur other friends was friends with Felix as they were on the same course so they messaged him

-Felix replied almost instantly,,,, for Chan had just gotten back and was gushing about someone he met at the library

-All of a sudden,,, the mission to get the two of you together was formed in a separate 

-You were completely oblivious to this as you were too busy listening to the song and sending ur thoughts to 

-From that day on you and Chan texted quite frequently, normally sending each other music

-Occasionally he would send you some of the stuff he was working on, asking for ur advice

-Which you gave happily

-The two of you even arranged to meet up and study, taking it turns to buy coffee for each other

-It was all quite,,, sweet really

-However,,,, the two of you were toeing the line between friends and something more yet neither of you made the first step

-Which frustrated ur friends, chan’s friends, the entire campus at this point

-Just as the group chat was screaming to come up with a better plan

-Chan had invited you to a 3racha gig at the local underground bar

-You were a bit hesitant to reply when u saw that message,, u were never seen at these kinds of things and u didn’t want the campus to talk even more

-(ur friends were dying bc they were like Y/N PLEASE NO ONE IS GOING TO CARE THEY ALREADY KNOW,,,, yet but what if-  NO IFS)

-Chan sensed your hesitation over text and told you that you really didn’t have to go if you didn’t want to, he wasn’t pressuring you to go but the invite was there if you wanted it

-You replied with tons of smiley faces and hearts in apology

-He giggled in his apartment, but Felix noted the sad look in his eyes

-TIME FOR FELIX TO SPAM THE GC TO GET UR FRIENDS TO CONVINCE YOU TO GO

-Unfortunately,, you were quite stubborn about not going

-They eventually gave up after 2 weeks, knowing they shouldn’t push you anymore

-It wasn’t until your friends came round to ur dorm the night of the gig to get ready together

-You were sat on ur bed,,, mulling it over in your head

-What if I really did go?? Would anyone care?

-Bc honestly,,,, you wanted to go

-You wanted to see Chan perform in his element bc of the stuff he sent you,,,, you really enjoyed it

-You breathed in heavily

-“Guys,,,, I’ll go”

-“REALLY” “BABE IT’S TIME TO GET YOU LOOKING SMOKING FOR UR FIRST OFFICIAL NIGHT OUT” “WOOOO Y/N”

-You laughed, letting your friends pull u to ur feet and throwing clothes at you

-You were laughing all the way to the underground bar, decked in ur hottest clothes (according to sana) and looking extremely attractive (agreed by all of ur friends)

-When u entered the bar, you got slightly nervous bc u hadn’t told chan you were going to be there and u didn’t know how to act at this kind of place

-Sana grabbed your hand, leading you to a spot near the exit but still having a clear shot of the performance area

-Yugyeom, Mina, Bambam and Momo came back to your table, bearing hands full with different drinks

-You were a little overwhelmed, settling for the coke Mark passed to you wordlessly (he knew you didn’t like to drink that much, especially not in public)

-The six of you were chatting about your days, just happy to hang out all together when the lights went down and a few girls in the back screamed

-A heavy beat kicked in and a spotlight appeared on a figure you couldn’t recognise

-When all of a sudden, they began rapping and your jaw dropped as you realised it was Chan

-His voice was smooth and pleasant to listen to as he switched from rap to vocal, your jaw dropping as you couldn’t believe it was the same Chan who buys you coffee

-You were shocked to say the least

-Two more rappers joined in during the performance but quite honestly, your eyes kept being drawn to chan

-It wasn’t until, a few songs later, that one of the other rappers approached your table during Chan’s rap part

-“Hey hyung, what about them?”

-Chan turned and his eyes widened in recognition

-“Them? They’re really pretty” sending a wink at you before continuing his rap

-Safe to say your friends, and Chan’s friends (who were near you) ALL cheered and wolf-whistled whilst you had your head buried in your heads, blush overtaking your entire face

-Chan spared another look at you and saw how cute you looked all embarrassed UWU

-The rest of the gig continued and you still weren’t over how Chan had called you really pretty

-Sana kept glancing between you and Chan, noticing that the two of you kept looking at each other and she was like,,,, it’s time

-The gig had finished and people began to filter out

- But not you and the conspiracy group

-They convinced you to stay and Chan,,,, was overjoyed

-He approached you and all of a sudden ur friends had disappeared,,,, wow thnx guys xxx

-He slid into the chair opposite you and placed his hands on the table nervously

-“Um,, I didn’t think you’d actually be here wow”

-“I didn’t think I would be here either,,, but then I realised, I really wanted to see you”

-“Me?”

-“Yes,,,, I uh,,, really like you Chan”

-QUEUE CHAN BLUSHING BC WOW EVEN THOUGH HE CALLED YOU PRETTY EARLIER HE WANTED TO BE THE ONE TO ASK YOU OUT TONIGHT BUT HE COULDN’T HELP BUT LOVE HOW STRAIGHTFORWARD YOU WERE

-“Wow…… me too Y/N. I’ve been trying for weeks to try and ask you out you know” he laughed awkwardly

-You couldn’t help but giggle, reaching for his hands

-Chan smiled, intertwining his fingers with yours marvelling at how well they fit together

-“Say,, fancy ditching this lot and grab a movie at my place” you asked wickedly, sending a glance to your friends who were all watching with baited breath

-“Sounds good to me” he grinned back, standing up and pulling you at the bar to the sound of your friends wolf-whistling and Jisung groaning that he was going to have pack all the equipment whilst Changbin laughed at him

-DATING CHAN:

-It’s a dream

-He’s an actual perfect boyfriend and treated you with respect and you hadn’t been happier

-So sure, the campus body was extremely shocked to see the two of you walk around holding hands and occasionally kissing each other on the cheek

-But they LOVED it

-Stone Y/N suddenly lost their nickname,, becoming more known as Chan’s partner but still maintaining your cool demeanour bc hello,,,, u studied law and u knew things

-ANYWAY

-Chan would try and take you on dates quite often, ranging from a simple picnic on campus to a fancy dinner at a high end restaurant you were sure he couldn’t afford but still paid for it all anyway, despite ur constant protests that you could pay

-One day you planned a surprise date and bought him a new microphone (after much discussion with changbin about which one to go) he tried to refuse it, but you told him you threw the receipt away because you wanted to treat him

-(Chan refuses to admit that he cried when he went back to the dorm, but felix has photographic evidence to prove otherwise)

-He made up for it by writing a song for you and performing it at a 3racha gig which made you cry, the fangirls cry,,,, some even say that Changbin cried but he would dispute this reverently

-That’s one thing you do more often,, you go out a lot more and you try to go to every 3racha gig in order to support ur mans

-You were becoming a lot more open,, which one drunken night Sana was sobbing in your arms about how proud she was of you coming out of your shell because of Chan and if he ever broke your heart she would break something of his

-You had laughed at this,,, with wet eyes bc u were slightly emotional bc of what she said, reassuring you that if chan was going to break your heart you were very capable of breaking that very same part

-Dating Chan meant that you also became the official parent alongside Chan of all of his kids

-Felix took an immediate liking to you, sticking to you like glue whenever you all hung out together

-It was very cute tbh,,,, until they learnt that you were the infamous stone Y/N and ur family was extremely rich

-Chan snapped at the boys when they asked if you could treat them to expense bbq one day and they were all extremely sheepish after that

-You didn’t mind,,, u didn’t mind treating the boys bc you knew they wouldn’t try and manipulate you for it (hint: like some of ur first “friends” when u first got to college and Sana dragged Momo over to scare them away from you as they saw you constantly paying for everything… rumour has it that they still run away if they see momo at any place)

-You had to drag Chan away from them to calm him down

-He just didn’t want anyone to take advantage of you again,,,, he had nearly cried when you had told him why you were so closed off and didn’t have many friends

-You stroked the back of his hands and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, reassuring him that it was fine

-When you went back to the boys,, they all apologised to you and you ruffled Felix’s hair lovingly

-Chan’s hand tightened around yours, and you shot him a look before announcing that it was your turn to pay for the family meal this time and dragged them all to a bbq place

-You and Chan were feeding each other at the table, much to the disgust of Seungmin and Hyunjin

-You just stuck your tongue out at them, feeding Chan another bit of chicken

-When you went to go pay the bill, all 9 of them tried to pay instead but you swatted them off brandishing your card at them before handing it to the cashier

- Who was very confused, accepting the card with a very concerned look on their face

-Like how was 1 person going to pay for a table of 10 when they had nearly eaten their entire kitchen

-Their face was a little shocked when the transaction went through and they handed the card back to you whilst the rest of the boys looked on awed

-“Now boys,,, that’s your quota for the month” you beamed at them, strutting out of the restaurant

-You just became their favourite person, but also most feared person in the world

-You also spent a lot of time with Chan in the recording studio,, especially coming up towards the end of 3rd year as Chan was super stressed about his final composition piece

-You were stressed as well bc you had an important trial coming up right at the end,,, and whilst you were stressed, you knew you were going to be okay bc you had studied all your materials for a while

-Seeing Chan screw up his 100th piece of paper one night whilst you were studying at his dorm, you put your notes down and went over to his desk where he was sat with his head in his hands

-You soothingly rubbed his shoulders, whispering sweet nothings into his ears

-Without warning, he spun around in his chair and you realised his eyes were glazed over hazily

-His hands rested on your waist, and you instinctively melted into his touch

-Your lips met and before you knew it, he had picked you up and placed you onto his bed, lips grazing over your jawline and neck in butterfly kisses occasionally stopping to leave a mark on your neck

-Well,,, one thing led to another and u were just glad Felix hadn’t come back as you snuggled up to Chan, hand resting over his chest

-Felix came back the next day, throwing Chan’s t-shirt at him before walking straight back out

-You were very confused, burying deeper into the sheets as Chan pulled you closer pressing a kiss to your forehead

-You and Chan were honestly the campus sweethearts, you weren’t always together but you bet your chemistry notes that he would leave a sticky note on your file before you went to a mock trial

- Chan found you extremely attractive in your suit and you were nearly late the morning of your last mock trial lmao

-You were just very supportive of each other as well as your friends

-Like you never failed to turn up to Felix’s musicals together, even after you had both graduated

-Chan accompanied you to Sana, Mina and Momo’s dance recitals and you went to all of Seungmin’s baseball games even if he wasn’t playing

-You became known as the campus parents tbh

-Just a very wholesome couple

-When the two of you, along with Woojin, and a few others graduated that year, you bet that your friendship group all turned up and had massive banners with your names on, hollering when you got called up

-They also threw a massive party at the pub that 3racha frequented (the owner let them rent it out for free) and you all ended up crying by the end of the day, you comforting a sobbing Jeongin whilst Chan was hugging Felix

-Oh,,, after you graduated Chan took you to Australia to meet his family for the summer before you started your internship and he took aesthetic photos of you all the time

-You literally had to wrestle his phone out of his hand before you got spammed by the 8 boys who kept getting these photos of you sent in their gc

-Ugh you’re just two extremely loving parents of about 17 kids and you wouldn’t change it for the world, you thought that last day altogether at bar

ahhh wow thank you again for 100 followers and next up on the college aus is.... *drum rolls* WOOJIN

[peaches-of-1]

RENT AU

This is queued for Dec 24th 9PM EST. You’re welcome. The cast is as follows.

Mark: Hui

Roger: E’Dawn

Mimi: Hyuna

Tom Collins: Namjoon

Angel: Key*

Joanne: Maman

Maureen: Hwasa

Benny: CubeEnt- Park Choongmin

A/N: In the show, the character Angel is referenced to with mostly female pronouns. To keep with the pronouns of both Angel and Key I will use he/him as well as she/her to reference the part.

The full moon was high in the sky. It had been so cold this winter that the power had been going out often from being frozen and all sorts of water damage. It was hell especially for Hui and E’Dawn who technically weren’t even supposed to be living where they were living. Outside, a small tent city had sprung up in the lot next to the old publishing factory. It was freezing even with the tin trash can filled with found logs and discarded planks or their “illegal wood burning stove” as Dawnie liked to call it. Things were fine, their good friend Choongmin had told them it was fine to live there without rent since they were so close. Then again, E’Dawn was his stage name. He hadn’t been using it a lot recently because he wasn’t really on stage that often.

Hui had gotten into video making and used his phone as well as an old video camera to capture the footage he needed. He turned the camera to himself.

“Um, December 24th, 9pm. Korean Standard Time, from here on in, I shoot without a script. See if anything comes of it instead of my old shit.”

Since all his scripted stuff hadn’t gone over well with several dozen failed videos that were taking down due to copyright infringement when everything was from his own mind. It just so happened to be eerily similar to some script a kid wrote when they were in elementary school. Hui had never read it, but whatever. He turned the camera to his roomie and best friend E’Dawn who commonly went by Hyojong.

“First shot, Hyojong, tuning the Fender guitar he hasn’t played in a year.”

“It won’t tune” The blonde and brown rooted babe said.

In return, Hui teased, “So we hear. He’s just coming back after half a year of withdrawal.”

“You talking to me?” He began to look up with his death stare.

His silver haired friend turned his phone to a different direction, “Not at all…” He turned it back to his friend, trying to get a close up. “Are you ready?” He asked to Hyojong who didn’t answer because he knew his friend was like this.

He held the focus steady and got a good shot of his downturned head, “Tell the folks at home what you’re doing, Hyojong.”

“I’m writing one great song--”

The phone rang. The old camera was recording from its table without anyone’s knowledge, but Hui paused his phone. “SPEAK” it was the sound of their answering machine. Someone was calling? Who the heck could it be?

It was Hui’s mother. She wanted to tell her son how much she loved them. From the background, he heard screams and giggles and someone else call her mom. She then said that his step sister and her kids sent their love. His mother then went on to remind him not to leave the hot plate she sent him on whenever they left the house. Then came the final blow.

“Oh, and Hwitaek, we’re sorry to hear that Hwasa dumped you. I say c’est la vie, so let her be a lesbian! There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Love you, mom~!”

Hyojong pat his buddy on the back at the mention of the past relationship. Hui rolled his eyes and waited for his mom to hang up before starting where he left off. As soon as the blonde began to speak once more, the phone rang again.

“SPEAK!”

A lovely deep voice came from the receiver, “Chestnuts roasting~”

Excitedly, Hui rushed the phone, “Namjoon!

“I’m downstairs!” The man in a snow white beanie said to whoever was listening.

He picked it up, “Hey!”

“E’Dawn-hyung picked up the phone?”

“Nah, it’s me.”

Namjoon nodded, “Throw me the key.”

His older friend smiled at the thought of seeing his friend again and threw the key out the window knowing his friend would catch it, “A wild night is now preordained.”

Hyojong continued trying to tune his guitar in the background. Namjoon smiled but soon his face turned to fear as he saw some of the neighborhood thugs start to approach him.

“I may be detained.” He hung up quickly.

“What does that mean, detained?” The phone rang again, and Hui put the phone to where both him and his roomie could hear. Thinking it was their friend again he asked, “What’d you mean, detained?”

Instead a snarky, “Ho ho ho.” came through the phone.

“Choongmin!” They were excited until Hui put the phone to his chest and then they revealed the truth by saying. “Shit!”

They didn’t like Choongmin, or Minnie as they called him despite the man being a few years older than the both of them.

“Dudes, I’m on my way!” He sounded like he was in his car...a sparkling white Range Rover nonetheless. He had taken a vacation recently.

“Great!” They looked each other in the eyes. “Fuck.”

“I need the rent.” Minnie switched his phone to the other side.

They were confused and asked what rent he could possibly be talking about. He said it was the past year’s rent which he “let slide.” Hui called him out on his bullshit saying that it wasn’t that he let it slide, he said that they didn’t have to. Hyojong reminded him it was when he bought the building. Hui reminded him that they were roommates even though he now treated the two of them like dirt.

“Remember, you lived here?” E’Dawn asked.

Choongmin chuckled, “How could I forget? You, me, Dawnie, and Hwasa.” Then he asked about the soulful diva.

Hui mentioned her show tonight and Minnie said he already knew. He asked if the glasses wearing boy was still her so called production manager. He was...until two days ago. When asked if they were still together, it was revealed that they had been broken up for over a month now. Hyojong pulled the phone over to say that Hwasa was now in love with someone else. Their hyung was surprised to hear that she was already dating someone new and asked the man’s name.

It wasn’t a man’s name per say, it was Maman. A woman.

Another chuckle, “Rent, my friends, is due, or I’ll have to evict you. See you soon.” He said as his black haired lover showed up in the bedroom of her husband in blue lingerie. He hung up.

Hyojung began to play again as his friend hung up. Hui began recording once more. Suddenly the Fender stopped working. Of course. The power blows just as he’s getting to record again. It’s too dark right now, and people from the whole block would be looking for some place to stay or something to steal for a bit of cash. Attention turned from making the next groundbreaking documentary to securing what few important things they had before they were taken.

“How do you document real life when real life’s getting more like fiction each day?” the silver haired man asked. “Headlines, breadlines, and now this deadline. ‘Eviction or pay’?”

E’Dawn decided to jump in and complain about how he no longer had any inspiration for his writing, “How can you write a song when the notes sound wrong though they once sounded right and rare? When the notes are sour where is the power you once had to ignite the air?”

They were hungry and frozen and this was the life they had chosen. Some life, huh? But they had no jobs. No source of income. How were they supposed to pay a whole year of rent to their backstabbing buddy? Hui decided to light candles. Hyojong decided to look something that could be put into their “woodburning stove” when there was no wood in sight. Not much was in sight, but they knew their apartment inside and out. There had to be something. A chill ran down the songwriter’s spine.

“How can you generate heat when you can’t feel your feet and they’re turning blue?”

Hyojong found his old flyers, “You light up a mean blaze with posters!”

“And screenplays!” Hui added his own failed works to the trash bin which his friend flicked a match into.

The two boys couldn’t even afford a lighter. How were they supposed to afford that rent?

Maman was at the lot where her girlfriend would be performing trying to figure out how to get the microphone to work. Especially the reverb at a certain volume. It shocked her and she jumped back. Out of frustration, the light brown haired woman stood up and called her lovely...though sometimes unfaithful girlfriend Hwasa.

“Hey, darling. Did you eat?”

She instantly tried to change the subject. It was obvious that she hadn’t.

“But, darling, you haven’t eaten all day.”

Hwasa was worried about puking on stage and that was why she didn’t dare eat anything before her performance.

“You won’t throw up~ you won’t throw up!”

She sighed and said that she’d get a some ramyun or something. However, she did then ask how things were doing with the reverb.

Her girlfriend bit her lip nervously, “The digital delay didn’t blow up exactly~ There may have been one teensy, tiny, spark.”

“I’ll just call Hui then. He’s really good with this stuff.”

If there was one things among many other things Maman couldn’t stand was how that every time something digital or technical didn’t work, she’d want to call her ex. He was an ex for a reason. She was Hwasa’s significant other now, not that scarf wearing loser! Though they had never met, Maman’s lovely girlfriend always talked about the scarf she got him before they broke up. Never saying why they ended things in the first place. She had her ideas, though.

“You’re not calling Hui!”

~~~~

With only is coat sleeve left on his right arm, Namjoon wondered how people could survive in a world like this when every day was lived through random chance. Good or bad. Today was his bad luck of the draw since he had been beaten up and left in the cold once the thugs had taken his only coat. He already didn’t own much, and now this? Joon tried to get somewhere for help, but who would even help someone like him?

“Welcome back to town!” was how things should’ve gone. His head spun. “I should lie down. Everything’s brown and uh-oh. I feel sick!” He turned to puke on the nearest surface which happened to be a gutter.

“Where is he?” Hui asked as he threw another script page into the flames, wondering where his friend had gone after the key had been thrown down.

Namjoon was real dizzy and needed to rest. He couldn’t get help if he were dead. Maybe things would be better that way. No, no. He had to kept moving no matter how much his injuries hurt everytime he struggled to take a breath.

~~~~

Dawnie got the last of his flyers and posters from the wall wanting the fire to last as long as possible even though it probably wouldn’t even last the next hour. There was no way they could do anything to pay the rent they supposedly owed to their now holier than thou ex roommate.

On the street, Key hugged Hyuna tightly even kissing her cheek and giving her some of the cash he had just gotten from a job. He was going to his regular spot by the huge Christmas tree in the park to play on his bucket for cash. It was like a drum for him and sometimes even better offers came by. As soon as he left, Hyuna ran into her ex Choongmin and instead of actually talking to him, she darted in the other direction. She didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

He was on the phone with his wife anyways, looking for his car now that he was done playing with one of his many mistresses. He wasn’t sure if that was his ex Hyuna or if his eyes were playing tricks on him.

“Allison, baby, oh you sound sad.” But he ignored her quiet sobs and continued complaining about his own problems. “I can’t believe those two after everything I’ve done. Ever since our wedding, I’m dirt. They’ll see. I can help them all out in the long run.”

~~~~

Hui recorded the flames as more paper was thrown into it. Maman said that she wasn’t a theatre person and would never be a theatre person like her ex had been. That’s just how things were and if she couldn’t except it then--

Instead of listening to her most precious toy gripe about not being what she needed her to be, Hwasa called up Hui to sweetly ask if he’d help her set up her microphone for the show later tonight. Even though he said no the first time, he quickly said yes after she called him his favorite nickname.

“Ok, alright, I’ll go!” He said and hung up. Then Hui started looking for his coat.

There was just so much wrong with the world right now. Their personal situations didn’t help either. They were broke. Nothing they had tried to do prior even worked. Why were they even here? The stress was overwhelming when the raging, shifting winds of change kept ripping away at the fabric that was life.

“What do we do to combat...this?”

“Draw a line in the sand and then make a stand.” Minnie’s voice rang in their heads.

“Use your camera to spar.” Hyojung suggested.

Hui loved that camera too much, so he said, “Use your guitar.”

It felt like the world was screaming at them, “When they act tough, you call their bluff!”

They then decided they weren’t gonna pay that damn rent. They didn’t owe him a damn thing after the way he’d been treating them. They didn’t owe anyone but themselves and there was nothing to owe themselves as far as they saw. Not last year’s rent, not this year’s rent, and sure as hell not last year’s rent. Hell, everything was rent.

On the street once more, a homeless man was singing to himself, “Christmas bells are ringing. Christmas bells are ringing…” He looked around and scoffed. “Not here.” And held out his hand to a passerby who might have some change to spare.

He ignored the achy Namjoon holding his stomach and stifling his moans of agony. In his fuzzy brain, he knew he was trying to get to somewhere familiar after being dragged away and running but not escaping. He just couldn’t remember where exactly. Key was beating his bucket drum though he hadn’t gotten much money tonight. The holiday season was about giving, but not many people thought it applied to them.

It sounded like someone was in pain, so he stopped. Silence except for a few sirens in the distance. Then Key began to play again and saw him...an injured man with a torn beanie holding his stomach or his arm. He didn’t look so good. Then again, no one on these streets rarely did.

Key judged the situation and decided to ask, “Are you ok, honey?”

“I’m afraid so.” He joked weakly.

“They get any money?” He had probably been mugged.

Namjoon scoffed, “Had none to get. But they purloined my coat.” He held up the only remaining piece of it and screamed in the general direction of his attackers. “Well they missed a sleeve!”

Key jumped down from where he was playing with his bucket to get a closer look at the attractive stranger, handing him a rag to dab at his wounds. Namjoon thanked him.

“Hell, it’s Christmas Eve!” He sat down on his bucket while Joon struggled to tie the rag around his injury. “I’m Angel.” Key said, giving his stage name in case he turned out to be wrong about this guy.

“Angel~” Namjoon repeated.

When he looked at the stranger, his eyes grew. Angel was so god damn beautiful. Namjoon had never seen a man so attractive. He looked at him again and smiled.

“Indeed.” He licked his lips and lowered his glasses. “An angel of the first degree. Friends call me Joon, Namjoon.”

The lights of the tree came on since it was now dark enough for them to be seen in their full beauty. It was as if a halo of light surrounded the two men. Angel. Angels were blessing this very meeting between Key and Namjoon. The two looked at the Christmas lights in sync and smiled at the splendor.

Namjoon spoke up, “Nice tree.”

Key smiled and launched into his plan since Namjoon seemed like a good guy, and he obviously needed help.

“Let’s get a Band-Aid for your knee. I’ll change. I’ve got a life support meeting at 9:30.” Catching himself he explained. “Yes this body provides a comfortable home for the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.”

“As does mine.” Joon admitted.

He was surprised, “We’ll get along fine. Get you a coat, have a bit, make a night.” The chipper man grabbed Namjoon’s and took him along to help with the healing process, maybe get some meds. “I’m flush.”

The younger man was happy to go along with it, but then he remembered he was supposed to meet with Hui and E’Dawn, “My friends are waiting…” He tried to say.

Instead, Key looked at him, “You’re cute when you blush. The more the merry, ho ho ho~” and booped his squat nose. “And I do not take no.”

He continued to pull along a limping Namjoon. Despite the pain he felt all over his body, the injured man smiled at the hope of being treated so well by a complete stranger. The fact that this stranger was so very handsome didn’t add to the pain, either. He’d get to his friends sooner or later.

Hyojong moved an empty bucket under the hole in the ceiling and when he turned around, he saw Hui with his warmest and least torn up jacket in his hands.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

To which Hui replied, “Hwasa calls.”

The musician scoffed, “You’re such a sucker.”

“I don’t suppose you’d like to see her show at the lot tonight or come to dinner? “ He held out his friend’s leather jacket.

“Zoom in on my empty wallet.” Hyojong made the movement with his hand and picked up his guitar once more.

“Touche.” The he reminded his friend, “Take your AZT.”

Close on Hyojong, his girlfriend Jieun left a note saying “We’ve got AIDS” before slitting her wrists in the bathroom. He hadn’t been the same since then. Still, he did as told and took the pills that held off his illness for another day.

As he set the leather jacket on the table, Hui said, “Check up on you later. If you change your mind...you have to get out of the house.”

The blonde turned around without replying and began tuning his guitar once more, black painted fingernails picking at the strings. His friend sighed and left the house, sliding the door open and letting it close with a thud that resonated deeply within Hyojong.

“I’m writing one great song before I…” He couldn’t help playing the familiar tune his fingers went to whenever he thought of her. Whenever he tried to play anything else, it just didn’t sound good. He growled in frustration and put his guitar down.

What did he want?

One song. Glory. One song before I go. Glory. One song to leave behind. He wanted to find one song, one last refrain. Glory from the pretty boy front man who wasted opportunity.

He remembered one song that had the world at his feet and caused glory in the eyes of a young girl. A young girl. Everyone was chanting his name, “E’Dawn! E’Dawn! E’Dawn!” but that wasn’t how things were anymore. Now he had to find glory beyond the cheap colored lights one song before the sun sets.

Glory on another empty life.

“Time flies.” He said to himself. “Time dies! Glory!”

One blaze of glory. One blaze of glory. Glory!

“Find glory the song that reigns true. Truth like a blazing fire.” He hovered his fingers above the illegal woodburning stove. “An eternal flame. Find one song...A song about love.”

Glory from the soul of a young man. A young man. He had to find the one song before the virus takes hold. Glory like a sunset. One song to redeem this empty life he had made.

Still, he had it in his head that time flies and then there would be no need to endure anymore. That time dies since time didn’t matter without her.

A knock on the door broke Hyojong out of his memories. It was probably Hui having left something behind.

As he opened the door, the man asked, “What’d you forget?”

Hyojong wasn’t expecting to see a young girl with fire for hair and bright red lips. She had on a white crop top and ripped jeans. There was a army green shawl or something draped on her shoulders as well. He had to blink.

“Got a light?” She asked.

He let her in and looked for his box of matches, “I know you. You’re shiving.”

To which she replied, “It's nothing, they turned off my heat and I'm just a little weak on my feet. Would you light my candle?” She held it out to him and then raised an eyebrow. “What are you staring at?”

“Nothing, uh your hair in the moonlight?” He tried to play it off and struck a match to light the white candle she held. “You look familiar.”

She got a bit wobbly while walking to the door, and so he reached out to catch her, letting their eyes lock for just a moment. “Can you make it?”

The girl nodded and sashayed over to the window, “Just haven't eaten much today at least the room stopped spinning, anyway. What?” She caught his gaze once more.

Hyojong quickly looked away, “Nothing...your smile reminded me of--”

“I always remind people of…” The red head rolled her eyes. “Who is she?”

“She died, her name was Jieun.”

Not wanting to talk about it, the girl blew out the candle and held it out to the blonde stranger, “It's out again. Sorry about your friend. Would you light my candle?”

And so he did, this time the light flickered right between their faces making her eyes glow even more than before in their innocent yet mischievously charming way. He wanted to say something but not much came to mind as the mutual gazing continued.

“Well…”

“Yeah?” She tilted her head before pulling one of her hands back. “Ow!”

Getting nervous, Hyojong said, “Oh, the wax, it's--”

“Dripping!” The girl started to slide her legs up the middle of his, slowly as he said, “I like it between my…”

He pulled away, blushing, “Fingers, I figured..Oh, well, goodnight.”

Hyojong realized he had been holding his breath the entire time and finally allowed himself to exhale once the door was closed. However, the door closing had made the light go out once more, and so she knocked on the door.

“It blew out again?” He chuckled, slightly frowning when she came in without even glancing at him.

“No, I think that I dropped my stash.” She searched the ground with her eyes.

So Hyojong let her look as he leaned against the table, trying to recall why he recognized her, “I know I've seen you out and about...When I used to go out.” He pointed. “Your candle's out.”

She sighed at her candlestick and while retracing her steps, “I'm illin', I had it when I walked in the door. It was pure. Is it on the floor?”

The woman got on the ground using her hands and knees to look under the table, and the way her curves filled out the tight jeans she was wearing…

“The floor?” Hyojong repeated as he couldn’t even try to remove his eyes from her form.

She smirked and chuckled, “They say that I have the best ass below 14th Street, is it true?” She said with a little hip wiggle.

“What?”

“You're staring again.” She beamed with another eyebrow raise.

He began to blush and his eyes frantically looked not at her, “Oh no, I mean you do, have a nice--I mean.You look familiar.” Hyojong tried to change the subject back to their previous conversation.

“Like your dead girlfriend?”

“Only when you smile, but I'm sure I've seen you somewhere else.”

That’s when the redhead nodded, “Do you go to the Cat Scratch Club? That's where I work, I dance. Help me look!”

“Yes!” He said, smirking at the memory, “They used to tie you up.”

“It's a living.” She shrugged.

“I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs.” He got in front of her eye line and held his wrists together above his head, letting himself smile a bit.

The strange girl smiled too for a bit and then continued to look, now standing, “We could light the candle. Oh, won't you light the candle?”

Another match was struck to light the used wick, but still Hyojong had to say something knowing another reason why she felt so familiar, “Why don't you forget that stuff? You look like you're sixteen.” “Add ten, still I'm old for my age. I'm just born to be bad!” She did a little dance as she went to another area of the room to see if she could find what she needed.

Hyojong folded his arms, “I once was born to be bad. I used to shiver like that.

She shooed away his concern, “I have no heat, I told you--”

“I used to sweat--”

“I got a cold.”

Not convinced, “Uh huh, I used to be a junkie.”

“But now and then I like to…”

“Uh huh”

“Feel good.”

Seeing the small packet on the floor, Hyojong picked it up, “Oh, here it…”

She whipped her head around, “What's that?”

“It's uh candy bar wrapper.” He hid it in his back pocket.

Playing coy, the woman approached him, “We could light the candle…” which he playfully blew out. “Oh, what'd you do with my candle?”

She began to chase him, lunging for his pocket, but Hyojong moved out of the way before she could catch him.

“That was my last match.” He said, leaning against the metal table.

“Our eyes'll adjust. Thank God for the moon” She did the same.

“Maybe it's not the moon at all. I hear Spike Lee's shooting down the street.”

She pouted and scooted her hand towards his, “Bah humbug, bah humbug~”

“Cold hands…” but he didn’t pull away.

“Yours too.” She tucked a fiery strand behind her ear and turned his palm upwards, “Big, like my father's.” Then she twirled, letting her shawl flutter around her. “Do you wanna dance?”

“With you?”

“No, with abeoji.” She teased.

“I’m Hyojong-ie.”

Her leaning forward made him lean back and he didn’t notice where her hands were going, “And the name of your noona is...Hyuna~”

She pulled her hand back revealing the small back of drugs was back in her possession and left the room before he could get it back. She giggled and winked at him before she dashed down the steps. He sighed, letting her go.

Yeah. It was better to just let her go.

Somewhere a phone waited unanswered and so the callers got the answering machine instead which rambled, “Hi you’ve reached Hwasa and Maman, leave a message. Don’t forget OVER THE MOON, my performance protesting the eviction of the homeless and artist from the 11th street lot tonight. The lot between A and B. Party at Life Cafe to follow!”

It was Maman’s parents.

“Well, Maman, we’re off. I tried you at the office and they said you were ‘stage managing’ or something.”

His wife searched her purse in the background, but her voice could still be heard on the recording, “Remind her that those unwed mothers in Harlem need her legal help too.”

He nodded, “Call Daisy for our itinerary or Alfred at Pound Ridge or Eileen at the state department in a pinch. We'll be at the spa for new year's unless the senator changes his mind.”

“The hearings.”

“Oh yes, Kitten. Eomma's confirmation hearing begins on the tenth. We'll need you--alone--by the sixth.”

She scolded her husband for adding such unnecessary info, “Yeobo!”

He cracked a smile, “You hear that? It's three weeks away and she's already nervous.”

“I am not!”

“For Eomma's sake, Kitten no Doc Martens this time and wear a dress. Oh, and Kitten, have a merry…”

“And a bra!!” Since she didn’t tend to wear one as she favored a more butch fashion style personally.

It turned out that Hui did forget something (his charger) and ended up returning to his apartment to get it. However, when there was a knock on the door, he forgot what he was meant to do since only one man could knock that way.

It was Namjoon, finally!

Hui even joked as he set up the camera for a good angle, “Enter, Kim Namjoon: computer genius, teacher, vagabond anarchist who ran naked through the Parthanon.”

The beanie wearing genius tossed groceries to the nearest person who tossed it to the next who tossed it in the makeshift kitchen. Bustelo, some kimchi, banana by the bunch. A box of Captain Crunch will taste so good!

“And firewood!” Namjoon held up a thick ass log.

Hui was glad to see his friend again, “Look, it's Santa Claus!”

He paused and nudged E’Dawn, “Hold your applause.”

“Oh, hi.” The blonde replied.

“Tsk ‘Oh, hi’ after seven months?”

He chuckled, “Sorry.”

Namjoon grabbed the unmistakable bottle out of his bag, “This boy could use some Jinro.”

The two cheery boys wrapped their arms around Hyojong and sang, “Oh holy night!”

E’Dawn moved away from them, “You struck gold at MIT?”

He shook his head, “They expelled me for my theory of Actual Reality which I'll soon impart to the couch potatoes at New York University.” then be pat his mopey friend on the back. “Still haven't left the house?”

“I was waiting for you, don't you know?” He replied.

“Well, tonight's the night! Come to the Life Cafe after Maureen's show!” He responded happily.

“No flow.” Meaning Hyojong was broke.

Namjoon then went to the door and put his hand on the knob, “Gentlemen, our benefactor on this Christmas Eve whose integrity is only matched by talent, I believe. A new member of the Alphabet City avant-garde Kim Kibum, jagi~” He opened the door.

The two other men looked at each other since it had been forever since he used that term for anyone. What was even more unexpected was to see a firm but slim body in a bright red Christmas dress with white fur trim, zebra print leggings, and Mary Janes. Her hair was in two curled ponytails with white pom-poms on the bands.

She(?) twirled in and it was as if a harp was playing as she did so. Then she displayed two thick piles of cash, one to each of the boys.

“Today 4 U. Tomorrow for me.” Her(?) glittering red lips formed.

The men grabbed it and then stared at her in awe. “Today 4 U. Tomorrow for me.”

Namjoon added, “And you should hear her beat.”

“You earned this on the street?” Hui thought Namjoon had fallen for a prostitute with two drum sticks tucked in her zebra printed belt.

She shook her head, “It was my lucky day today on Avenue A when a lady in a limousine drove my way. She said: ‘Darling be a dear. Haven’t slept in a year. I need your help to make my neighbor's yappy dog disappear.’”  This Akita, Evita, just won't shut up. He criss-crossed over to the bucket that all the groceries had been carried in and began to bang rhythmically on it. “I believe if you play nonstop that pup will breathe its very last high strung breath. I'm certain that cur will bark itself to death."

Then she repeated her cute little phrase, “Today 4 U. Tomorrow for me. Today 4 U. Tomorrow for me.” and then continued her story. “We agreed on a fee A $1000 guarantee tax free, and a bonus if I trim her tree. Now who could foretell that it would go so well, but sure as I am here that dog is now in doggy hell.”

She climbed up on the latter near the door, “After an hour, Evita in all her glory--On the window ledge of that 23rd story.” She used her drum sticks to count upwards. “Like Thelma and Louise did when they got the blues, wwan dove into the courtyard of the Gracie Mews.”

“Today 4 U. Tomorrow for me.” The girl leaped off in heels to be closer to the boys who were beating out a rhythm on their own random pieces of furniture. “Today 4 U. Tomorrow for me.”

The beautiful girl broke into a drum solo on the table and the walls and even the chairs, sounding very good and skilled, not even breaking a sweat or messing up as she moved from surface from surface frolicking and bringing up the mood. Even twirling and jumping on the table without missing a beat.

“Back on the street where I met my sweet,” He caressed Namjoon’s hat and moved down to his face to grab his chin. “Where he was moaning and groaning on the cold concrete. The nurse took him home for some Madecassol, and I dressed his wounds and got him back on his feet! Sing it!”

The other joined in, feeling amused at themselves for quite enjoying this tale of their friend’s new lover about killing a dog.

“Today 4 U. Tomorrow 4 me. Today 4 U. Tomorrow 4 me. I said Today 4 U. Tomorrow 4 me.”

Then she sat on a spinning office chair and motioned for one of them to give her a spin, which Hyojong ended up doing.

“Today 4 U. Tomorroooooow 4 me!” She landed with her black heels firmly on the ground and struck a pose.

Then Key hugged Namjoon and the boys laughed having a grand old time until a familiar voice sang out, “Joy to the world…” before looking out the window and yelling. “Hey you bum! Yeah, you, move over! Get your ass off that Range Rover!”

Everyone rolled their eyes at Park Choongmin who took off his glasses and tucked them in his pocket.

Hui spoke up, “That attitude toward the homeless is just what Hwasa is protesting tonight.” He turned his camera on himself. “Close up: Park Choongmin the third. Our ex-roommate who married Alison Grey, of the Westport Greys. Then bought the building and the lot next door from his father-in-law, in hopes of starting a cyber-studio.”

“Hwasa is protesting losing her performance space not my attitude.” He posed and grinned once he saw the camera on him. Namjoon covered the lense, not wanting anything positive about him to be recorded.

E’Dawn spoke, “What happened to Choog-ie? What happened to his heart and the ideals he once pursued?”

“Any owner of that lot next door has a right to do with it as he pleases.” He shot back.

To which Namjoon replied by raising the soju bottle, “Happy birthday, Jesus!” While trying to remind the greedy man of his conscience.

“The rent.” He held out his hand.

“You're wasting your time.” Hui said.

“We're broke.” Hyojong added.

“And you broke your word. This is absurd!”

Choogmin tried to sweet talk them, “There is one way you won't have to pay~”

“I knew it!” The blonde scoffed.

Looking out the side window, the businessman let his imagination run wild, “Next door, the home of Cyberarts, you see and now that the block is re-zoned, our dream can become a reality! You'll see boys. You'll see boys~!” He saw it wasn’t working, so he tried explaining his vision a different way.

“A state of the art, digital, virtual interactive studio. I'll forego your rent and on paper guarantee that you can stay here for free...if you do me one small favor.”

Hui asked with a straight face, “What?”

“Convince Maureen to cancel her protest.” He batted his reptilian eyes.

“Why not just get an injunction or call the cops?”

The snake replied, “I did, and they're on stand by. But my investors would rather I handle this quietly.”

Hyojong scoffed, “You can't quietly wipe out an entire tent city then watch It's a Wonderful Life on TV!”

“You want to produce films and write songs?” He spoke to their passions. “You need somewhere to do it! It's what we used to dream about. Think twice before you pooh-pooh it. You'll see boys. You'll see boys…?” He lifted Key’s skirt to see if the audience was actually all men.

Rude and uncalled for, and Namjoon put Key behind him and glared at Park Choongmin who backed up and sat on the table.

His hands arched in the sky, “You'll see the beauty of a studio that lets us do our work and get paid. With condos on the top. Whose rent keeps open our shop. Just stop the protest and you'll have it made. You'll see…” He put his sunglasses back on. “Or you'll pack.”

He escaped before he could get any more backlash.

Key scoffed, “That boy could use some prozac.”

“Or heavy drugs.” E’Dawn suggested.

“Or group hugs.” Hui said, getting confused and amused stares in return. “Which reminds me…” Namjoon said, scoffing. “We have a detour to make tonight. Anyone who wants to can come along.” He said pointedly to Hyojong.

Key replied, “Life support's a group for people coping with life. You don't have to stay too long.”

Hui threw his jacket back on, “First I've got a protest to save.”

“Roger?” She asked.

He shook his head, “I'm not much company you'll find.”

“Behave!” Hui lightly scolded his pessimism.

“He'll catch up later. He's just go other things on his mind.” Key said. “You'll see, boys!”

Hui and Namjoon chuckled but agreed at this turn around of phrase, “We'll see, boys.”

Hyojong scoffed, “Let it be, boys!”

Namjoon smiled at Key, “I like boys.”

And Key smiled back, “Boys like me.”

Silently they just decided to go along their lives while they waited for Hyojong to come around sooner or later. They’d see.

~~~~

So, now we follow Hui as he went to go help Hwasa fix her microphone or something or other as he did when they were dating. Even when they weren’t dating, until she fired him as her production manager. Anyways, Hui would always be there for Hwasa one way or another since he still had a soft spot for her.

Using his phone, he filmed himself, “And so into the abyss, the lot where a small stage is partially set up.”

“Line in…” a voice mumbled from inside. “I went to Harvard for this?”

“Close on Hui’s nosedive.” He walked inside and took a moment to pause.

“Line out…?”

The man asked himself, “Will he get out of here alive?”

Then the honey blonde woman gawked as she saw the only man that would show up here, “Hui?”

Even he stopped to take in the situation, “Hi.” He gave a bow.

“I told her not to call you!”

Hui shrugged, “That's Hwasa, but can I help since I'm here?”

He approached the box surrounded by wires of all sorts. Maman quickly walked in front of it, her red scarf flying momentarily as she moved quickly to stop him.

Then she acted casually, “I've hired an engineer…”

“Great!” He replied with a tense smile. “Well then, nice to have…” he started to turn around.

“Wait!” Maman said, swallowing her pride. “She's 3 hours late!”

Hui joined her at the box while she explained, “The samples won’t delay but the cable--”

He nodded, “There’s another way. Say something, anything.” He motioned to the microphone.

Maman said the typical theatre thing she thought of, “Test, 1, 2, 3.”

The film nerd rolled his eyes, “Anything but that.”

She sighed, “This is weird.”

“It’s weird.” He agreed.

“Very weird.”

“Fucking weird.” He said with a head tilt.

“I’m so mad that I don’t know what to do. Fighting with microphones, freezing down to my bones, and to top it all off I’m with you.”

This was very familiar to Hui, “Feel like going insane, got a fire in your brain, and you’re thinking of drinking gasoline?”

Maman couldn’t help but nod, “As a matter of fact--”

“Honey, I know this act. It’s called the Tango: Maureen.” He did a tango pose. “The Tango: Maureen. It’s a dark, dizzy, merry go round. As she keeps you dangling…”

“You’re wrong!”

“Your heart she is mangliiiing.”

“It’s different with me!”

“And you toss and you turn cause her cold eyes can burn, yet you yearn and you churn and rebound.”

The long haired blonde paused at how deja vu this all sounded, “I think I know what you mean…”

Together, they said, “The Tango: Maureen~.”

Not so much focused on the tech, Hui asked, “Has she ever pouted her lips and called you ‘Aein?’”

Proudly, Maman crossed her arms, “Never.”

“Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?”

She bit her lip, “This is spooky.” Then she took her chance to ask her own questions. “Did you swoon when she walked through the door?”

“Every time, so be....cautious.”

“Did she moon over other boys?.”

Looking directly into her eyes, “More than moon.”

She held her stomach, “I’m getting nauseous.”

Hui stood in the middle of the stage and held out his hand. He cleared his throat and motioned her over. Maman looked behind herself. Surely, he wasn’t asking her? But he was. So she looked him up and down and unbuttoned her jacket and took off her scarf to have less hindrance. Then she took her hand. The two began to tango on the stage as naturally as if they had been dancing together for years.

This took Hui by surprise, so he asked, “Where’d you learn to tango?”

“With the French ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Ms. Porters and you?”

They paused, “With Moon Dahye, the president’s daughter at the Korean Sundance Film afterparty.”

Giving a cocky smirk, Maman began to take the lead flawlessly while Hui had some trouble following. As a man, he never had to do it before.

“It’s hard to do this backwards.” he admitted.

To which Maman dipped and said, “You should try it in heels.” which she never really wore nowadays. She then dropped him while realizing how absurd this whole things was and finally admitted to herself. “She cheated.”

“She cheated!” He said in a sure tone as he stood up.

“Maureen cheated.”

“Fucking cheated.”

“I’m defeated, I should give up right now,” She said, pulling her hair out of its too tight bun.

Hui tried to cheer her up, “Gotta look on the bright side with all of your might.”

“I’d fall for her still anyhow,” She conceded.

With a playful wiggle of his hip (which got a laugh in return) the two began to tango together once more. They realized when you’re dancing her dance, you don’t stand a chance. Her grip of romance makes you fall.

“So you think might as well--”

“Dance a tango to hell.” She finished.

At least they’ll have tangoed at all. They did the Tango: Maureen where you gotta dance ‘til your diva is through. They had pretended to believe her ‘cause in the end they couldn’t leave her. But the end it will come, still they had to play dumb ‘til they're glum and they bum and turn blue.

Out loud, Hui asked, “Why do we love when she’s mean?” as he returned to the box.

“And she can be so obscene!” She said, lifting her boobs and squishing them together in her dress shirt.

“Try the mic.” He said.

Into the microphone, Maman spoke, “My Maureen~” and the “een” part reverberated like it was meant to.

Raising his arm in success, the film nerd smiled, “Patched!”

“Thanks!” Maman said, returning her hair into its bun since her parents would disown her if she ever cut it.

“You know, I feel great now!” He said with a chuckle knowing the Maureen he knew never really changed.

To which Maman pouted, “I feel lousy!”

Then her phone, which was resting on a table, rang. Hui was gonna pick it up to give to her, but instead she stopped him with a, “Nuh-uh-uh.”

He raised his hands in defeat.

After collecting herself, she answered, “Hey, honey, we’re--AEIN?”

Hui started to laugh until he caught the blonde woman’s glare. She put on a smile.

“You’ve never called me aein before!” The man stifled a laugh, and she looked at him once more. “Forget it. We’re patched.” She hung up.

They looked at each other, “The Tango: Maureen.” and sighed.

At the Life Support Meeting, everyone introduced themselves. “Jae”, “Matthew”, “Sunhee”, “Bom”, “Krystal”

“Hi, I’m Key.”

“Namjoon. Kim Namjoon.” He bowed to the leader.

“I'm Jiyong. Let's begin.” They began to speak the affirmation, “There's only us. There's only this …”

And Hui entered, interrupting, “Sorry ... Excuse me ... oops.”

“And you are?” Jiyong asked in a patient voice.

“Oh, I'm not--I'm just here to--I don't have--I'm here with--” He waved to Key and Namjoon who smiled back. “Um--Hui. Hui, I'm Hui.” He looked around. “Well...this is quite an operation. Can I?”

He pointed to the camera, and everyone nodded once they heard it was just a life documentary and not news.

Jiyong smiled softly, “We'll continue the affirmation.”

Everyone picked up where they left off, “Forget, regret or life is yours to miss.”

Matthew spoke up, “Excuse me, hyung. I'm having a problem with this, this credo. My T-cells are low. I regret that news, okay?”

“Alright, but Matthew, how do you feel today?”

He looked around, uncomfortable, “What do you mean?”

“How do you feel today?”

“Okay?” He shrugged.

“Is that all?” the older man pushed forward.

He sighed, “Best I've felt all year.”

“Then why choose fear?”

Matthew chuckled, “I'm a millennial; fear's my life!” He sighed. “Look, I find some of what you teach suspect because I'm used to relying on intellect, but I try to open up to what I don't know. Because reason says I should have died three years ago.”

The last part caused Hui paused as that last sentence sounded like something Hyojong would’ve said. Probably had said before.

Still, they pushed on, “No other road. No other way. No day but today.”

Hui continued recording.

Rock and roll. The absolute shredding of a guitar. Add drums. That’s what made up Hyuna’s soul. She sang and performed to the music in sparkly blue lingerie, with her hair pinned up and ready for action.

“What's the time? Well it's gotta be close to midnight. My body's talking to me, and it says:”

“Time for danger!” Her frequent visitors screamed out loud.

She giggled, “It says ‘I wanna commit a crime’ ‘wanna be the cause of a fight’ ‘Wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt with a stranger.” She leaned in front of a obviously horny man with a dumb smile on his face. Five bucks from five people already.

“I've had a knack from way back at breaking the rules once I learn the games. Get up. Life's too quick. I know someplace sick where this chick'll dance in the flames.” Another $200 with a couple of boob wiggles and more singing. “We don't need any money. I always get in for free. You can get in too if you get in with me.”

She blew a kiss to one side of the room while walking to a rather expensive looking target, “Let's go out tonight. I have to go out tonight!” She let down her hair and slitter fell out of it onto the mans lap before she sat.

A rather tough and stoic man covered in tats stood next to the clients to make sure they didn’t touch while they were looking.

“You wanna play? Let's run away; we won't be back before it's Christmas day.” She was lifted up by some stage dancers to make her body look like a cross. “Take me out tonight…” She leaned closely into and older man’s ear and whispered, “Meow!”

And snatched away a thick stack with a, “Ha!”

Her shift was over, so she walked home to her place in glittery, strappy heels and sung to herself, “When I get a wink from the doorman, do you know how lucky you'll be that you're on line with the feline of Avenue B?”

Hyuna set her bag inside her apartment now in white leggings with bananas on them, knee high yellow boots, and a matching crop top as she continued to party by herself.

“Let's go out tonight. I have to go out tonight. You wanna prowl, be my night owl? Well take my hand we're gonna howl, out tonight!”

Then she got to the fire escape through her window and sat on the edge, “In the evening I've got to roam. Can't sleep in the city of neon and chrome. Feels too damn much like home, when the Korean babies cry. So let's find a bar, so dark we forget who we are,” Hyuna grabbed onto the stairs above and yelled into the night, “Where all the scars from the nevers and maybes die!”

She started to climb when she saw blonde hair walking past the upstairs window, “Let's go out tonight! Have to go out tonight. You're sweet wanna hit the street? Wanna wail at the moon like a cat in heat? Just take me out tonight!” She knocks on the window and is let in by Hyojong.

Hyuna entered saying, “Please take me out tonight~” When he ignored her and went to play his guitar, she took it from him. “Don't forsake me, out tonight!” Then the red head  got up on her knees while she was on the table, “I'll let you make me out tonight!”

She tried everything to get him to say yes. Tonight. Every pose and flirt. Tonight. Hyuna wanted him. Tonight.

The red head was even able to get his hands wrapped around her waist and went in for a kiss before she was rejected and he moved away from her.

“Who do you think you are barging in on me and my guitar? Little girl, hey, the door is that way!”

Quietly Hyuna said, “It’s noona.”

“You better go you know the fire is out anyway. Take your powder. Take your candle. Your sweet whisper I just can't handle. Well take your hair in the moonlight your brown eyes goodbye, goodnight.”

He thought to himself, I should tell you. I should tell you. I should--he felt her creeping up on his shoulders.

“No!” Hyojong couldn’t let himself go through this again. “Another time, another place our temperature would climb. There'd be a long embrace. We'd do another dance; it'd be another play. Looking for romance? Come back another day. Another day!” He leaned on the table facing away from her.

Hyuna wanted to ease his pain and comfort him, “The heart may freeze or it can burn. The pain will ease if I can learn, there is no future. There is no past. I live this moment as my last!” She tried to reason with him by saying the words she had been taught.  “There's only us. There's only this. Forget, regret or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today!”

It got Hyojong to look at her, but he was just to angry at her ruining her own life, “Excuse me if I'm off track, but if you're so wise then tell me why do you need smack! Take your needle, take your fancy prayer. Don’t forget get the moonlight out of your hair!”

She stood and looked at her fiery locks in confusion.

He admitted, “Long ago you might’ve lit up my heart, but the fire’s dead and ain't never ever gonna start!” He paced the room silently wishing for it to be “Another time, another place, the words would only rhyme. We'd be in outer space. It'd be another song we'd sing another way. You wanna prove me wrong? Come back another day. Another day!”

The red headed Hyuna began to leave, but her heart wouldn’t let herself give up on him, “There's only yes, only tonight. We must let go to know what's right. No other course. No other way. No day but today.”

She couldn’t control her destiny while E’Dawn tried to control what he could, such as his temper and yet he was mad that she couldn’t see what she was doing to herself. The road she was going down if she kept doing these poisons.

“I trust my soul!”

“Who says that there's a soul?” He replied.

Hyuna kept going, “My only goal is just to be.”

Hyojong spat back, “Just let me be.”

Still aching for something more, she tried again using the words she was taught, the ones that seemed to resonate with him, “There's only now. There's only here.”

Talking over her, he asked once again to her face, “Who do you think you are, barging in on me and my guitar?”

“Give into love or live in fear.” He pulled away from her embrace as she continued, “No other past, no other way!”

“Little girl, hey, the door is that way!”

They were too caught up in their own emotions that they weren’t listening to the other person. Both were so passionate. Hyuna wanted him to be open and love her as she felt they were meant to be together, but Hyojong couldn’t let himself be open. Not again. Not by someone like her. Who deserved better than him.

“No day but today!” She said.

“The fire’s out anyway.” Though he didn’t really want it to be.

No day but today.

“Take your powder. Take your candle.”

No day but today.

“Take your brown eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette.” Why wouldn’t she just leave? Did he want her to stay?

No day but today.

“Another time, another place, another rhyme, a warm embrace.”

“No day but today!” Her voice sounded like it was begging now.

He couldn’t waver, “Another dance, another way, another chance, another day!”

No day but today! It wasn’t just her saying it now, but his own mind.

Hyuna tried to kiss him, but he turned away once more. She couldn’t take another rejection...so she left out the front door holding back tears and not knowing that he was trying to do the same. That he was trying to ask you to come back, but Hyojong’s aching heart wouldn’t let him call out to her.

Hyojong picked up his guitar, his safety blanket of sorts. “I’m writing one great song, before I…”

It’s strange when you think about humanity and all the troubles we go through just trying to get by. Some people think they only have themselves while others are frightened to reach out to the people they know they have. Fear is a very real thing. It’s toxic and can still even the surest of movements if it’s let in for just a moment.

Worrying thoughts such as Will I lose my dignity? Tend to stir in one’s mind as they wonder what will happen if they admit something is wrong with them or if they need help. That leads to Will someone care? All in all, people tend to question everything and have no idea what the future holds. That’s impossible to know, but they still ask Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

And the answer can make or break them.

Will I lose my dignity?

Will someone care?

Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

Ask yourself these questions, and then live long enough to find the answer. Don’t forget there’s always another tomorrow, and you never have to do today again.

As Namjoon, Key, Hui, and now Hyojong walked the streets to Christmas bells were ringing. They saw a man with wet sleeves holding a bucket and a squeegee. He approached a car stopped at a red light and cleaned its window.

When he went to collect his fee for cleaning, he gave a warm smile, “Honest living, man!” And yet the car sped off. “Feliz Navidad.” and scoffed, sitting back on the side of the road.

There were homeless people sleeping all around the lot, just loitering and not bothering anyone. Not for real. Maybe asking a passerby for money to eat but that’s about it.

One of the men in the warmest clothes he could find and probably the only clothing he owned greeted three officers who patrolled the area on foot, “Evening, officers.”

Apparently they didn’t like his attitude, for the first one started to grab the man’s collar. Hui jumped in with his cell phone and the others did the same.

“Smile for YouTube, Officer Martin.” Hui did a close up of the man’s name tag.

They let him go and left. The homeless man had the last word, “And a Merry Christmas to your family!”

“Right…” You could see he wanted to flip the homeless man off.

As Hui continued to film, he saw a person carrying a lot of bags.

Apparently, they didn’t like being filmed, “Who the fuck do you think you are? I don't need no goddamn help from some bleeding heart cameraman. My life's not for you to make a name for yourself on.”

Key interrupted with a soft voice, “Easy, sugar, easy. He was just trying to--”

They weren’t having it, “Just trying to use me to kill his guilt. It's not that kind of movie, honey.” They talked to their pink haired companion. “Let's go. This lot is full of motherfucking artists!” Still… “Hey, artist, you gotta dollar?”

The companion shook a styrofoam cup, but Hui had no money to give.

“I thought not.” They scoffed and moved onto their train.

Wanting to move the awkward moment along, Key said, “New York City!” and did jazz hands to distract them. “Center of the universe.”

“Sing it, girl--” Namjoon said.

“Times are shitty, but I'm pretty sure they can't get worse.”

“I hear that.” Hui nodded.

“It's a comfort to know when you're singing the hit the road blues that anywhere else you could possibly go after New York would be…” He used his deepest voice. “A pleasure cruise.”

The others laughed at the sudden change in tone.

Namjoon agreed, “Now you're talking.” Then he paused. “Well, I'm thwarted by a metaphysic puzzle, and I'm sick of grading papers that I know. Now I'm shouting in my sleep, I need a muzzle. All this misery pays no salary, so...Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe. Oh, sunny Santa Fe would be nice. We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe, and leave this to the roaches and mice” He sighed, “Ohhhh-oohhh-ooo-oh-ohh”

“You teach?” Asked Key

“Yeah, I teach. Computer age philosophy while my students would rather watch TV.”

She chuckled, “America.”

“America!” The whole train seemed to echo.

He then decided to charm Key some more, “You're a sensitive aesthete, brush the sauce onto the meat. You could make the menu sparkle with a rhyme. You could drum a gentle drum,” Namjoon patted the bucket. “I could seat guests as they come. Chatting not about Heidegger, but wine!” He grinned as he linked arms with Hyojong and ‘seated’ him in a new spot on the train as if he were a customer. “Let's open up a restaurant in Santa Fe. Our labors would reap financial gain.” He pointed at E’Dawn, Hui, and Key in turn each singing higher that the last.

“Gain”

“Gain”

“Gain”

“We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe and save from devastation our brains.”

They chanted after him, “Save our brains.”

“We'll pack up all our junk and fly so far away, devote ourselves to projects that sell. We'll open up a restaurant in Santa Fe! Forget this cold Bohemian hell.”

This time it was one of the street performers on the train who sang along to his sighs, “Ohhhh- oohhh-ooo-oh-ohh. Whoa~”

Namjoon smiled and leaned bowed as the doors slid open letting Key go first to step carefully over the gap in his heels.

“Do you know the way to Santa Fe? You know, tumbleweeds... prairie dogs…”

Everyone grinned in unison, “Yeah…”

Then Hui and Hyojong said that they would catch the two later since it seemed the blonde had something he wanted to talk about something. Or someone. The other two agreed and continued to just walk around.

“Alone at last.” Key acted cute to get his attention.

Namjoon was nervous, “He’ll be right back, I promise.” and went to pick up the bucket that had been left behind.

“I’ve been hearing violins all night.” He tried to drop a stronger hint to see if his love interest would pick it up as well.

“Anything to do with me?” He asked, genuinely curious and hopeful. “Are we a thing?”

Key took the bucket out of his hands and held them himself, “Jagiya, we’re everything.” She hugged him from behind, “Live in my house, I'll be your shelter. Just pay me back with one thousand kisses. Be my lover, and I'll cover you.”

Oblivious as always, the warmly dressed man could only hope he was asking to be official and faced his love, “Open your door, I'll be your tenant. Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet, but sweet kisses I've got to spare. I'll be there and I'll cover you.”

The grin he got in return confirmed it. It felt as though their hearts were singing to each other since they were too shy to do it out loud on the street like this. Their hearts beat out, I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love. Now I know you can rent it. A new lease, you are my love. On life, be my life.

They began to be that stupidly cute couple you rarely see and just danced on the street no longer caring who saw them since it was just the two of them that mattered. Their hearts still sang, Just slip me on, I'll be your blanket. Wherever, whatever I'll be your coat.

Placing an imaginary crown on his lover’s head, Key stood on his tippy toes, “You'll be my king, and I'll be your castle.”

“No, you'll be my queen, and I'll be your moat.” Namjoon made a wavy motion with his arms. Then he spoke what his heart had said earlier. “I think they meant it when they said you can't buy love. Now I know you can rent it. A new lease, you are my love. On life, be my life.”

She nodded, “I've longed to discover something as true as this is.”

“So, with a thousand sweet kisses…”

“If you're cold and you're lonely”

“I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses.”

“You've got one nickel only.”

“I'll cover you”

“With a thousand sweet kisses,” Key said it first this time.

Namjoon let her, “When you're worn out and tired…”

“I'll cover you with a thousand sweet kisses”

“When your heart has expired”

Key promised, “I'll cover you.”

Together, they belted out everything they had in their heart that had become one with this confession of feelings and display of affection, “Oh, lover I'll cover you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Oh, lover.”

They held each other closely, “I'll cover you.”

Then they kissed and decided to continue their stroll elsewhere.

To check in with Maman, she was on the phone sorting things out at her office, “Steve? Joanne The Murget case?” She asked for the verdict. “A dismissal! Good work counselor! We're okay!”

Then her cell phone rang showing a cute photo of Hwasa, “Jagiya, wait, I'm on the other phone. Yes, I have the cowbell. We're okay.”

She switched back to her office phone, “So tell them we'll sue, but a settlement will do. Sexual harassment and civil rights, too. Steve, you're great.” Catching something that Hwasa said, Maman replied. “No, you cut the paper plate. Didja cheat on Mark a lot, would you say?”

The lawyer caught herself and closed her eyes, “We're okay. Honey, hold on…” Into the other phone, she spoke, “Steve, hold on…” and then pressed the CALL WAITING button on her cell phone to see who it was.

“Hello? Dad, yes I beeped you. Hwasa is coming to Mother's hearing. We're okay.”

She heard Hwasa say something and switched back, “Honeybear what? Dogbird's lesbian sister? I'll tell him.” Maman switched over and then her dad cut her off before she got a chance to say anything. “You heard?” switch. “They heard. We're okay.”

“And to you, Dad.” Then she hung up the call with her father and was only down to two calls to focus on. “Yes,” She set her jaw at her girlfriend’s sentence. “Jill is there?”

She spoke on the office phone, “Steve, gotta--” but quickly went back to her cell, “Jill with the short black hair? The Calvin Klein model? Steve, gotta go!” Maman hung up the right phone surprisingly and spoke to Hwasa. “The model who lives in Penthouse A???”

“We're...we're okay. I'm on my way.”

Quickly, Maman grabbed her bag and walked out of her office to make sure nothing happened between her girlfriend and the Calvin Klein model Jill.

______

Christmas bells are ringing. Christmas bells are ringing. Christmas bells are singing...On TV. At SAKS.

“Honest living, honest living…” The squeegeman called out repeatedly trying to get some one to pay him for his work.

The homeless begged all around, “Can't you spare a dime or two? Here but for the grace of God go you. You'll be merry. I'll be merry, though merry ain't in my vocabulary.” They sighed at old memories of being warm and happy if they had them, and if not, they dreamed of the day that they would have a place of their own and food on the table. But for now: No sleigh bells. No Santa Claus. No yule log. No tinsel. No holly. No hearth. No--

“Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” Some rude teens messed with a display that was a well known spot for homeless to sleep, not thinking of the consequences or just not caring.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. There was no room at the Holiday Inn. And it's beginning to snow. However, when things got bad, there was always something to do. So they opened up shop before things got too bad since they might have been able to make some money and find a place to stay. A small hope, but better than nothing.

“Hats!”

“Bats”

“Shoes”

“Booze”

“Mountain bikes”

“Potpourri”

“Leather bags”

“Girlie mags”

“Forty fives” and most importantly

“AZT!”

They called out to anyone that would listen, often overlapping with one another.

One vendor called out, “No one's buying? Feel like crying.”

Still there was no room at the Holiday Inn. Oh no. And it's beginning to snow.

A large woman talked up her things to Namjoon and Key who were passing by, “How about a fur in perfect shape? Owned by an MBA from uptown. I got a tweed broken in by a greedy broker who went broke and then broke down.”

Namjoon, having gotten his coat stolen yesterday told her, “You don't have to do this…”

“Hush your mouth, it's Christmas.” was his reply.

“I do not deserve you, Key.” The beanie wearing man stared with love in his eyes while his boyfriend searched through the coat rack. “Give, Give all you do is give.”

She squatted down, “Wait, what's on the floor? Let's see some more. No, no, no, no.” He basically hissed at the hideous collection.”

“Give me some way to show how you've touched me so.”

Key didn’t want much, “Kiss me, it's beginning to snow.” He grabbed Namjoon’s vest with both hands and pulled him closer.

Now with the boys Hui and Hyojong, the latter had explained what had happened today with Hyuna. Hui was more surprised not to see him inside the house.

“...She said, "Would you light my candle' and she put on a pout and she wanted you to take her out tonight?”

“Right.” Hyojong confirmed.

“She got you out!”

He shook his head, “She was more than okay, but I pushed her away. It was bad, I got mad and I had to get her out of my sight.”

Hui squinted at his blonde friend, “Wait, wait, wait, you said she was sweet!”

Hyojong just shook his head, not wanting to talk about his big screw up, “Let's go eat. I’ll just get fat. It's the one vice left when you're dead meat.” Then yellow boots caught his eye. “There! That's her!”

“Hwasa?” The only important her in Hui’s life was not the one passing by.

He turned his friend around and pointed, “Hyuna!”

“Woah!”

“I should go--” Hyojong started.

Then both men looked up, “Hey, it's beginning to snow.”

As cops circulated, music from nearby played. “I'm dreaming of a white white Christmas.”

However, even in this snow junkies and addicts of all sorts were trying to get their fix by visiting their local drug dealer who was avoiding the cops that had just left the specific area. They only had one goal and that was to follow the man, follow the man with his pockets full of the jam. Follow the man, follow the man.

“Help me out, Daddy, if you can.” They begged and then asked, “Got any D, man?”

To which the shady figure replied, “I'm cool.” leading them to where he kept his stash.

“Got any C, man?” Another asked.

“I'm cool.”

“Got any X? Any smack? Any horse? Any joogie boogie boy? Any blow?” All street names for drugs were spoken and then handed out.

The police seemed to be too close for comfort, so Hyuna waited for them to move along giving Hyojong time to catch up with her.

“Hey…” He said.

“Hey.” She replied nonchalantly.

Hyojong looked at her eyes, “I just want to say I'm sorry for the way --”

“Forget it.” Hyuna spoke dismissively.

“I blew up.” He stepped forward. “Can I make it up to you?”

She raised her eyebrow, “How?”

“Dinner party?” Hyojong offered.

“That'll do.” She smiled at him.

The dealer came back because he was sure he had missed someone from his original client list today. He wasn’t happy when he saw her chatting with an old customer who suddenly stopped visiting him one day. Had he gone and made his own business?

“Hey lover boy, cutie pie. You steal my client, you die!”

E’Dawn was gonna fight, “You didn't miss me, you won't miss her! You'll never lack for customers!”

He remembered his past self willing to kill for a fix, “I'm willin', I'm illin'. I gotta get my sickness off.” and how skittish he was around enforcers. “Gotta run, gotta ride. Gotta gun, gotta hide, gotta go.”

Holding up two bags of white powder the dealer chuckled, “And it's beginning to snow.”

Choogmin was not happy when he saw a crowd starting to arrive for Hwasa’s show. He even called his wife to tell her, “We're outta luck, Alison, the protest is on!” As the addicts came back when they saw the cops were gone or at least not close enough to see their business being done. The coat vendor was still trying to make a sale with Namjoon and Key.

“L. L. Bean, Geoffrey Beene. Burburry zip-out lining.” She picked one very familiar to Namjoon. “Here's a new arrival.”

The man gasped when he noticed the missing sleeve, “That's my coat!”

To which the vendor replied, “We give discounts~”

He wasn’t about to let her get off, “It's a sham!”

Key didn’t want them to fight, so he said, “Let's get a better one!”

“But she's a thief!”

“But she brought us together~”

Namjoon couldn’t argue with that and pointed to one coat that had caught his eye, “I'll take the leather.

“Honest living!” in the background.

Hyojong introduced his two friends, “Hui, this is Hyuna-noona.”

They bowed to each other and greeted each other politely. Hui hesitated for a bit because he was sure he had seen her somewhere before.

“She'll be dining with us.” the blonde spoke awkwardly.

“I think we've met.” Hui said.

Nearby the dealer was dealing with an unhappy customer, “That is an ounce!”

Hyuna smirked, “That's what he said!”

Then he changed his story, “I said it's a gram!”

Watching more people file in, Choongmin asked his wife, “Which investor's coming? Your father? Damn!” It wasn’t going to be a good impression.

But Hyuna and Hui seemed to be getting along quite nicely as she asked why he had such a large camera and why he never stopped recording. He said he was recording life, and it made Hyojong happy to see people he loved connecting. Still he sort of just hung in the background while they continued talking.

Then he finally spoke up, “Let's go to the lot. Hwasa's performing.”

Hyana turned around from making a silly face in the camera, “Who's Hwasa?”

“His ex.” He motioned to Hui.

Both turned to look at him, and he said, “But I am over her.”

Hui began walking ahead of the maybe couple. Hyuna reached out to hold his hand, but he pulled away.

“Let's not hold hands yet.”

“Is that a warning?” She pouted.

“I just need to take it slow.”

Key helped his love put on his new leather coat after the vendor drove a hard bargain. He looked amazing in it! Namjoon felt good in it too, so he began acting as if he were a millionaire showing off his new threads. Key joined in on the little play and sassily walked into her lover’s arms.

Hyojong thought to himself as he looked at Hyuna, I should tell you, I should tell you. I should tell you, I should tell you.

She also thought, I should tell you.

They opened their mouths at the same time, “I…”

Hui didn’t notice and so he pointed to the sky, “And it's beginning to…”

Namjoon and Key noticed as well, “And it's beginning to…”

“And it's beginning to--” Every person who could see crystals falling from the sky said.

Hwasa showed up on her motorcycle, making a path clear for her and handed her helmet to her girlfriend, “Maman, which way to the stage?”

Snow! It was finally snowing! But that didn’t stop the show from going on. Soon things settled and the performer with short black hair was handed her cowbell. After a quick kiss from Maman, she went on stage. The other stood to the side to make sure she was close in case anything went wrong.

___________

Then the spotlight came on with the clank of a cowbell. Hwasa began her performance.

“Last night, I had a dream.” She looked at all the eyes. “I found myself in a desert called: Cyberland. It was hot,” Hwasa fanned herself  and pantomimed a leak. “My canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.”

A few giggles spread through the audience.

She pointed into the distance, “Out of the abyss walked a cow, Elsie. I asked if she had anything to drink.” The woman struck a strange pose. “She said, ‘I'm forbidden, to produce...milk. In Cyberland we only drink DIET COKE.”

With the fixed reverb, “Diet Coke” echoed and echoed. She sang everything that Elsie said to make sure the crowd knew it was the cow and not her speaking. Why? Because ART because PERFORMANCE! That’s fucking why.

“Yes!” Hwasa said to herself, clenching in her fist for it was working. Then she continued by pressing a button that played violin on cue, “She said, ‘Only thing to do is jump over the moon!’” The music stopped. “‘They closed everything real down like barns and troughs and performance spaces” She stared daggers at Choongmin who was front row. “And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual LIFE!’” She did the robot.

“Life, life, -ife”

“‘But there is a way out’” Another button showed a child’s drawing of a cow and audio played which repeated. “leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith.” in a sing song voice which Hwasa vocalized with.

“Oooooooo. ‘Only thing to do is ~jump over the moon~!’ I've gotta get out of here!” She screamed and started to pantomime her words once more. “It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck being packed in with fertilizer, and fuel oil pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse.” She made a gun with her hand and ‘shot’ herself after putting on one of those cheesey Mickey Mouse ear head bands.

She then head thrashed with every syllable, “I've gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Gotta Go--” She coughed and then gathered more breath. “Gotta Gotta find a way, to ~jump over the moon~! Only thing to do is jump over the moon~”

The headband was now on the floor, “Then, a little bull dog entered. His name, we have learned, was Choongmin.” She glanced her shirt real quick to make sure she had the prop and pointed at the man himself who received boos. “And although he once had principles, he abandoned them to live as a lapdog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution.”

Hwasa made her eyes wide and stuck her tongue out like a panting pup. She pressed a third button that turned on a jazzy instrumental and snapped along with it, giving herself time to put on glasses just like the ones her persecutor wore.

“‘Uh one two three that's bull!’ he said ‘Ever since that cat took up the fiddle that cow's been...jumpy. The dish and the spoon were evicted from the table and eloped. She's had trouble with the milk and that moon ever since.” She motioned to her breasts for milk and her ass for moon while concluding the bulldog’s intro with. “‘Maybe it's a... “““female thing”””?”

The short haired Hwasa continued to play as the greedy Choongmin, “‘Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway? Walls ain't so bad~’” She mimed those walls surrounding her on all sides. “The dish and the spoon for instance, they're down on their luck they come knocking on my doghouse door and I say.” She cocked an invisible rifle. “‘NOT IN MY BACKYARD, UTENSILS, GO BACK TO CHINA!’”

“Biddi Bonggg.” said one of the cows behind her.

Fast as lightning, the glasses were hung back on her shirt and she went back into her Cow Pose to continue talking as Elsie. “‘The only way out is up!’ Elsie whispered to me, ‘A leap of faith’!” Hwasa sung in her highest register. “‘Sill thirsty?’” Hwasa smacked her lips and acted as if she hadn’t drank anything in days. “Parched”

“-ched, -ched, -ched”

“‘Have some milk.’ And I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder and I sucked the sweetest milk I have ever tasted.” She slurped as loud as she possibly could without actually slurping anything. ‘Climb onboard!’ she said. And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland, we reared back. We sprang into a gallop leaping, out of orbit. I awoke. Singing…”

She had gotten so caught up in her show that she forgot to press the button. So she allowed herself to break character for a moment and rolled her eyes in frustration. Hwasa pushed the button and did her little dance while the audio chanted, “Leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith, leap of faith.”

“Ooooo. Only thing to do, only thing to is jump. Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Only thing to do is jump over the moon. Over the moon. Over the mooooooo.” Emotion just overcame her and the sound just came out. “Mooooooooooo.” She embraced the cow and yelled into the microphone. “MOOOOOOOOO!”

Her eyes scanned the amused crowd and beckoned, “Moo with me.”

“Moooo…” someone from the back called, barely heard.

Hwasa nodded in response, “Come on, sir, mooooo!”

She refused to stop mooing until all of the audience was mooing with her, save the surrounding cops and Park Choongmin himself.

“Mooooo! Mooooooo! Moooooooo! Moooo.”

“MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Hwasa said angrily. Then collected herself slightly, “Thank you.” She bowed.

Everyone applauded, and then she got off stage to meet her girlfriend and friends. They quickly got out of there through a back entrance before the businessman could talk to them. It seemed he wasn’t there, though. Where had he gone?

Well, he was sitting in the Life Cafe with his father-in-law who was also the most important investor of the property where the protest was held. Right now, he was just trying to save his own ass and explaining where he planned to go from here in order for them to get the lot secured with no problems.

Then a horde of like 20 people all dressed as young adults usually did, wildly fashionable but also slightly questionable in taste.

The waiter saw them coming and tried to stop them, “No, please no. Not tonight, please no. Mister, can't. You? Go. Not tonight, can't have a scene.” His voice was deep and Australian.

“What??” Hyojong asked.

“Go, please go. You,”

The blonde pulled Hyuna by the hand past the lone waiter.

“Hello, sir! I said no. Important customer.” He pointed out Park Choongmin and other.

“What am I, just a blur?” Hui asked.

The waiter said, “You sit all night, you never buy!”

“That's a lie, that's a lie! I had a tea the other day.”

He folded his arms, “You couldn't pay.”

“Oh yeah…”

Key stuck a $100 bill in the waiter’s hand to get him to shut up and show that they could pay for whatever was ordered tonight.

Namjoon stared down and playfully leaned on the business man’s head, “THE Park Choongmin? Here?”

“Oh no.” The young waiter groaned.

“Wine and beer!” The hungry young adults demanded as they sat and rearrainged tables.

Hwasa called him, “The enemy of Avenue A.” and looked at the waiter. “We'll stay.”

“Oy vey!”

Namjoon asked, “What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?”

Choongmin asked for a second from the man in a three piece suit worth more than the cafe itself and then held up his cup to the short haired woman, “ would like to propose a toast to Hwasa’s noble try. It went well.”

In the same false cheer, Hwasa said, “Go to Hell.”

The others laughed.

Still, the man wasn’t giving up, “Was the yuppie scum stomped? Not counting the homeless, how many tickets weren't comped?”

She just flipped him off.

Hyojong decided to ask, “Why did Muffy--”

“Alison.” He corrected.

“--miss the show?”

He put his hands in his pockets, “There was a death in the family if you must know.”

Key put his hand to his heart, “Who died?”

“Our Akita.” Choongmin said.

Hui, Hyojong, Namjoon, and Key look at each other, “Evita!”

Someone barked.

Then Choongmin went up to the red head, “Hyuna, I'm surprised a bright and charming girl like you hangs out with these slackers who don't adhere to deals.”

As if they ever actually settled that half ass deal.

“They make fun, yet I'm the one attempting to do some good or do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop every night? Bohemia, Bohemia's a fallacy in your head. This is Calcutta. Bohemia is dead.”

So Hui stood, “Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes~”

Hui and Namjoon held hands and lowered their heads, “Dies irae, dies illa. Kyrie eleison. Yitgadal veyitkadash.”

Everyone began to fake cry and wail and mourn the so called death of Bohemia.

“Here she lies!” Hui continued. “No one knew her worth. The late great daughter of Mother Earth. On this night when we celebrate the birth--in that little town of Bethlehem. We raise our glass, you bet your ass, to…”

Hwasa pulled down her jeans and mooned the yuppie scum she had the displeasure of knowing personally.

From the top of his lungs, Hui sings, “La vie Bohème!” Just for the sake of causing a ruckas.

The others started to slowly chant, “La vie Bohème...La vie Bohème...La vie Bohème...La vie Bohème.”

It even had a funky beat that caused the ringleader to continue this teasing, “To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something out of nothing, the need to express to communicate. To going against the grain. Going insane...Going mad. To loving tension, no pension. To more than one dimension, to starving for attention, hating convention, hating pretension. Not to mention, of course” He did the filmer fingers to frame who he know was Choong-ie’s father-in-law. “Hating dear old Mom and Dad.”

“To riding your bike midday past the three-piece suits, to fruits” the gay members of the group posed accordingly. “To no absolutes, to Absolut, to choice, to The Village Voice, to any passing fad.”

And more importantly, “To being an us, for once instead of a them!”

“La vie Bohème.” the others cheered. “La vie Bohème!”

When Hwasa saw that Maman had come in, she asked, “Is the equipment in a pyramid?”

“It is, jagi.”

“The mixer doesn't have a case.”

Maman gave a shocked face and then started to walk out to fix things.

“Don't give me that face.” Hwasa said before grabbing her arm to pull her around to play with her hair. Just gals being pals.

Mr. Grey cleared his throat, “Ahem.”

“Hey, Mister. She's my sister.” Maman grabbed her ass and then left to go deal with the mixer.

The waiter had been doing his job and started to confirm orders, “So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad, three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter, and one pasta with meatless balls.”

One of the boys looked around, “Ew.”

Namjoon stood up for himself, “It tastes the same.”

Hyuna giggled, “If you close your eyes.”

“And thirteen orders of fries. Is that it here?” The deep voiced Australian asked.

A chorus of, “Wine and beer!” came back at him.

Hyuna and Key made eye contact and jumped on the table to play patty cake, “To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries. To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese.” the two faked sharing a plastic phallus for this next part. “To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo. To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou.”

Namjoon and Hwasa joined in, “Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion. Creation, vacation.”

Hui held a very shaken can of sprite near his crotch and pointed it towards Mr. Grey, “Mucho masturbation.” the white foam sprayed all over him.

The performer and computer genius continued, “Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new.”

“To Sontag.” Namjoon said.

And Key picked up, “To Sondheim.”

Four of their friends body rolled in unison after climbing on top of their table, “To anything taboo.” but also in various positions.

Hyojong and Joon faced each other, “Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham, and Cage.”

“Lenny Bruce!” Namjoon referenced E’Dawn’s form.

Hyojong did the same, “Langston Hughes!”

The ever dramatic Hwasa reached to the lights and exclaimed, “To the stage!”

“To Uta” A silver haired girl in combat boots said.

“To Buddha.” Namjoon added.

J-Hope included, “Pablo Neruda, too.”

Walking down the table was Hyuna pretending to have Hui on a leash as he walked on all fours as they sang, “Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow to blow off Auntie Em!”

Several people joined in to give the businessmen the middle finger but in more...polite ways before yelling, “La vie Bohème!”

Maman was back, so Hwasa went to meet her, “And wipe the speakers off before you pack.”

“Yes, jagi.”

“Well, hurry back.” The short haired performer kissed her lawyer girlfriend.

Mr. Grey raised his eyebrow, “Sister?”

In unison, they played dumb, “We're close.”

And they parted ways to show Namjoon being tackled and kissed by Key while everyone joked, “Brothers!”

Then everyone began partying a bit harder, “Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens, Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee-wee Herman. German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein, Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa. Carmina Burana. To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy.”

They jumped on and off of furniture, “Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC! To no shame, never playing the Fame Game.”

Namjoon held a fake blunt, “To marijuana!”

Again things went sexual with people on top of other people and maybe another person just for the hell of it, “To sodomy. It's between God and me! To S & M!”

Hyuna in particular slid close to Mr. Grey and started to pull his tie sexily. He backed up in fear since he was a married man who actually loved his wife.

“Waiter... Waiter... Waiter!”

The waiter then arrived and separated the two, giving Hyuna a look and trying not to smirk so that he could keep his job.

“La vie Bohème!”

Namjoon grabbed a salt shaker and began to use it as a microphone, “In honor of the death of bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Kim Hyuna,” The woman herself began to do the dance she usually did on stage. “Clad only in bubble wrap will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.”

She laughed and covered her red lips as she was helped down by E’Dawn who announced, “And Lee Hwitaek will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.”

Hui bent the now empty mayo bottle to make it look like he couldn’t get it up and then set it on the table, “And Hwasa, back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will sing traditional Korean monk chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello, which she has never studied.”

Hyuna was taken aside by Choongmin who spoke to her in private, “Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.”

She looked away from him, “There's nothing to know.”

“Don't you think that we should discuss --”

“It was three months ago.”

“He doesn't act like he's with you.” “We're taking it slow.” She shot back. Unlike their former relationship.

He scoffed, “Where is he now?”

“He's right-- She whipped around and pointed to where he just was a few seconds ago. “Um..”

“Uh huh…” Choongmin said.

Where'd he go?

Hui was the next to proclaim, “And E’Dawn will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.”

Hyojong had realized the electric guitar on stage was abandoned and had to go to it. He played a simple line. The one he always played.

His friend rolled his eyes, “That doesn't remind us of Musetta's Waltz”

Namjoon grabbed the saltshaker back, “And THE Kim Kibum will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic pickle tub.”

Key beamed at his love, “And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist, including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:”

Everyone screamed at the top of their lungs, “Actual Reality - ACT UP - Fight AIDS!”

Choongmin called for the check so he could get the hell out of there before things got any worse. Hyuna had had it with Hyojong who was nursing a beer. She shoved his shoulder.

“Excuse me, did I do something wrong? I get invited, then ignored all night long!”

“I've been trying, I'm not lying.” He replied. “No one's perfect, I've got baggage.”

“Life's too short, babe, time is flying! I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine.”

His heart leaked out for a moment, “I should tell you--”

She talked over him, “I've got baggage too.”

“I should tell you--”

The others called for another round of drinks. Then Hyuna’s timer went off.

She sighed, “AZT break.” She took out her bedazzled pill pack.

Hyojong recognized the shape, “You?” He took out his own square package with leaves doodled all over it.

“Me.” She saw it and softened her tone. “You?”

“Noona?”

The blonde looked behind him, and he took her to a place out the back that would allow them to talk without all the music and noise happening inside. He had forgotten jackets but even just being near her was enough warmth to last for now. Also, if he didn’t say something now, he would never say it.

He looked down at this hands, “I should tell you, I'm disaster. I forget how to begin it.”

Hyuna didn’t want any sadness, “Let's just make this part go faster. I have yet to be in it. I should tell you…”

I should tell you. I should tell you. There was so much to tell. I should tell you She went first, “I should tell I blew the candle out just to get back in.”

“I'd forgotten how to smile until your candle burned my skin.” He showed her the small burn scar that was still there from the wax.

I should tell you. I should tell you. I should tell you. I should tell… He looked into her eyes. It was still unsaid how they felt each other, but the look was enough.

“Well, here we go. Now we…” Hyojong reached out to her.

She pulled away, suddenly aware of what this meant, “Oh no.”

He tried again and held out his hand, “I know this something is...here goes.”

“Here goes.” Hyuna put her hand into his.

“Guess so, it's starting to...who knows?”

She nodded, her red hair bobbing with her head, “Who knows?” So many questions passed through their minds. Who knows where this relationship would go? Who goes there, as deep as they were going so soon? Who knows how long it would last? Here goes… For once in their lives they were trusting desire, starting to learn. Walking through fire without a burn. They held each other’s forearms not sure how close to get yet. Clinging a shoulder a leap begins. Stinging and older, asleep on pins.

So here we go. Now we…

Hyojong pulled back this time, suddenly scared again, absolutely terrified of the ending coming faster than he could handle.

“Oh no.”

She touched his hand, “I know.”

This simple understanding made him grab her hand even more tightly than before, “Oh no.”

Who knows where? Who goes there? Here goes.

They kissed not knowing what this would mean in the long run and not knowing how long that run would be.

Hwasa was caught kissing another girl with short red hair and then smiled when she saw her girlfriend entering, quickly going to her as if nothing happened. Maman had seen it though.

“Are we packed?” the black haired girl asked.

“Yes, and by next week I want you to be.” She walked past her now ex.

Confused and crushed, Hwasa asked, “Aein?”

“And you should see, they've padlocked your building and they're rioting on Avenue B.” the Doc Martin wearing woman said. “Choongie called the cops.”

“That fuck!” Hwasa said.

This got her a glare from her ex, “They don't know what they're doing. The cops are sweeping the lot, but no one's leaving. They're just sitting there mooing!”

Now they had even more reason to celebrate, “To Dance!” Someone said, pointing to Hyuna letting her get on the table once more.

“No way to make a living, masochism, pain, perfection, muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders!”

Everyone pointed to Hui, “Film!”

He stood up and said, “Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations, dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!”

“Music!”

Key stood and Vogued on the tables, “Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm, feeling, power, harmony, and heavy competition!”

“Anarchy!”

This time both Namjoon and Hwasa got up on the table and yelled at the top of their lungs, “Revolution, justice, screaming for solutions. Forcing changes, risk, and danger. Making noise and making pleas!”

They made more lists of what bohemia stood for. Each one of them was Bohemia. To people living with, living with, living with not dying from disease!

With linked wild hearts they cheered, “Let he among us without sin be the first to condemn! La vie Bohème! La vie Bohème! La vie Bohème!”

Hui came out of the fray and spoke with pride, “Anyone out of the mainstream? Is anyone in the mainstream? Anyone alive with a sex drive!”

“Or lack of!” A cute short person with an ace spectrum flag pin spoke up, getting a smile from the others.

“Tear down the wall, aren't we all? The opposite of war isn't peace...it’s creation!”

“Woooooooo! La vie Bohème…” The customers had turn the place into a beautifully crazy ruckas.

Hui goes to the top floor and records from the window as he narrates, “The riot continues as the Christmas tree goes up in flames.”

Fire engulfed twinkling lights and plastic bristles. The snow dances. Oblivious, Hyuna and Hyojong share a small tender kiss as they escaped out the back to go home or somewhere for the two of them to just talk. It wasn’t that small, but it was tender. Passionate. Hui worked on collecting footage and thought of selling it.

Inside were yells of, “Viva la vie Bohème!”

[manju-girl]

Pressed Flowers

One | Two | Three.

It's been almost a year and a half ever since he stepped foot in his house. Things changed.

His usual lively apartment had lost its usual color. Everything for him looked like blurry and gray. The portrait of Rika hanging in his living room was now covered in dust, along with the other photos. The flowers in his garden started to wilt and die. He forgot when it all started, him starting to neglect his well being and everything else around him. It could just be his nature, to take care of others before himself. But he knew that this time he clearly forgot himself as a person; he only thought of saving others to the point that his beliefs and love-- obsession as he realized it, started to blind him.

The jars and the frames was also covered in dust. The vase that his Rika used to put fresh flowers in everyday was full of dead flowers that he forgot to throw away. He needs to clean up his house. He needs to fix himself, and start his second life that she gave him, one baby step at a time.

Because he promised her, and because he wanted to.

The way she described him was something he did not expect. A symbol of rebirth, new beginnings and inspiration; like a daffodil. As far as he knew, daffodils should be given as a bouquet,or a bunch at least. Despite the beautiful meaning it has, a single bloom of the said flower could mean misfortune.

He could be that single bloom, for all he brought to them were problems, including the secrets he has to keep, his obsession that led to Rika to where she is right now, thinking it was the right thing to do. His emotions and philosophy took over him completely. V somehow knew that the innocence behind Rika's eyes could be something dark, that is just waiting for the light in order to get fed; and he was that light, that fed that darkness, leading her to be a person that she had become.

"V," he turned around to see Jumin, along with Jaehee who had brought the materials from the previous party.

"Jumin, Jaehee." He greeted them as cheerfully as he could. But the unconvinced look on Jumin's face tells him that he failed trying to look alright.

"I got a call from the hospital. They said that she could be discharged any time today." Jumin said,

"But we have few problems, V. She recently got kicked out of her own apartment, due to financial reasons, and she doesn't have any friends or relatives to take care of her." Jaehee explained, giving V some information that they gathered while she was in the hospital.

"Hmm. I heard she works as an artist, but she mentioned that she stopped doing exhibits months ago." Jumin's words made V think; why did she stop?

"Well, I could always get her a unit to stay in and a personal nurse to take care of her and a maid who can tend to her needs." Jumin added, getting his phone from his coat.

"I don't think there's any need, Jumin. She can stay with me, I can take care of her too." V stopped his friend before he made the call. What he said, however made Jaehee and Jumin confused.

"V, your eyes weren't that good anymore, you know that right?" Jaehee took the words right out of Jumin's mouth that all he could do was nod.

"I can still see clearly with my left eye. I'm sure I can take care of her until she gets well. When that time comes, I'll have my surgery." There was determination in his voice. He felt like he needed to take responsibility for her, after all, she saved his life. This is only one of the many ways he can do to repay his debt.

-

She stared outside the hospital window. Although she could barely feel the pain from the wound the doctor advised her not to move too much. Countless thoughts occupied her mind. She could be discharged today, but what will happen after? Saeyoung visited her as he would often do whenever Saeran was resting.

She was in a comatose for almost a month, nearly lost her life trying to protect V. Now, she might have lost her home.

"Saeyoung," she called him trying to get a closer look to the red headed hacker of the RFA.

"Mmm?" He answered,

"I've been meaning to ask this but have you seen my eyeglasses? I really have a poor eyesight and I can't see very clearly. I thought maybe you saw it somewhere." She sait down beside him, waiting for him to answer.

"You don't remember? It shattered when you... um."

"Oh." She mumbled. Mentally doing computations of how much it would cost her the hospital bill, rent and now the cost of having new eyeglasses.

This is the only time that she wanted to mentally slap herself. She should have finished the manuscript for her novel and participated in exhibits. But no matter how much she tried she just cannot do it. Now she has to stress over the fact that no one would actually take care of her when she gets home. If she still has a home, that is.

"The doctor said you will be discharged today, but who is going to take care of you?" Saeyoung asked. Oh, how she wished she could answer that.

"I have some friends who can--"

"But you don't have any friends or relatives." He said flatly. Looking through the information he hacked for security reasons. "I'd love to take care of you but..."

"That kind of hurts. Alright I don't know who or how. As long as I have a home to go back to then I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, just take care of Saeran." She answered in defeat, she doesn't know either. There was a comfortable silence between them as they continue to look outside the window. It was a beautiful afternoon. She took out her phone to play some good old music, "Aubrey" by Bread.

Both she and Saeyoung smiled upon hearing the song. They both agreed that it was a relaxing song to listen to in a sunny afternoon. She often spends afternoon like this doing some art, writing and reading. She missed doing it.

"Why did you do it? Save us, I mean. We only talked for 11 days but you willingly saved me and my brother. You even took a bullet for V." Saeyoung broke the silence between them. But his question also left her curious of the reason why she did it. She pondered for a while, looking for the reason herself, was it because of V? No, it wasn't.

"I don't know, I have this sense of responsibility ever since I was young, that I have to protect those important to me. Even if it costs me something." She answered, looking straight into his golden eyes, "I wouldn't say that I saved you or your brother. I'm just a tag along you know? But one thing I knew is, I just made up my mind, that no matter what happens, I want to see you with your brother again. As for V, when I saw the gun, my body just moved on its own to shield him." She explained. She saw Saeyoung's lip curve into an apologetic smile,

"You almost lost your life because of us. When you were in critical condition, and in a comatose. I thought I'd lose my mind. I don't think I could forgive myself if that happened." He said, fidgeting his fingers. Of course, she should have thought of her actions first. But in a situation like that, she can't take her time thinking of things.

"I'm sorry for being reckless, but I am here, alive and well. Saeyoung, everything will be fine." She hoped, the moment she said that they heard a knock before the door opened, revealing Jumin and V.

The atmosphere in the room turned tense and cold. This is the first time Saeyoung and V met since the incident happened. She looked at the two of them, Saeyoung's knuckles turning white. What the red headed feels was completely valid, what happened to his brother was not something a guardian would do. His trust was broken by none other than V himself.

She lightly stroked Saeyoung's back before smiling at him. "You should go, Saeran must be awake by now," she urged him. Her words somehow managed to calm him down a little. Anymore longer that the two stay in the same place she was sure that it would turn to something bad. Saeyoung quietly left the room, briefly saying good bye to them.

The guilt and regret in V's eyes were evident; he couldn't look to Saeyoung even when he left the room. Yet he still tried to hide it, they all know that they needed some time before getting to talk to each other.

"How are you feeling?" Jumin asked first, breaking the tension in the room.

"I'm feeling a lot better, the doctor said I can go home but reminded me not to move too much." She beamed a smile.

"We already paid for the hospital bill. As for your home... you were kicked out of your apartment." Jumin said flatly. She figured that would be the case, she just chuckled.

"... they couldn't wait until I get discharged huh. But thank you very much. I'll pay you for the hospital bills, although it might take a while." She said to Jumin.

"Don't think about it. No amount of money could replace what you did for me. Your belongings were already at my house. You'll be staying with me from now on. That is why we are here to fetch you." V smiled, his face emitting a light she knew very well. It felt like the first time they met each other. But after adoring him, was only then she understood what he said.

V,

Long time no see, it's been almost a year since I last saw you. People have been looking for the new photographs you make. Nevertheless, they still felt happy whenever they see your photos, both new and old enthusiasts of your yours. The happiness of the lily of the valley has come back, thanks to the photos that inspired me to do so. I hope the next time I see you, we can introduce ourselves to each other, properly.

-Lilley.

[jimsturgessnews]

Actor Jim Sturgess, recently seen in BBC drama Hard Sun with Agyness Deyn, divides his time between Hollywood movies and songwriting. He talks to The Cork about constantly getting beaten up, the similarities between film and music, and swapping his skateboard T-shirts for a bespoke English Cut suit. As a fixture on the red carpet at Hollywood film premieres, Jim Sturgess has had to get used to being decked out by brands. “I remember the first time I got put in a suit,” the Wandsworth-born actor recalls. “I got on my bike the next day and delivered it back to them. They were like, ‘No, no, it’s yours, you can have it.’ I was like, ‘Are you joking?’” Even now, selecting from English Cut’s vast menu is a novel experience for someone accustomed to choosing from a rail of off-the-peg suits. “It’s like ordering a salad in America,” he says of the bespoke process, speaking like a man who spends extended periods of time in health-conscious Los Angeles for work. “You have a million options: do you want three buttons or two? I got quite into it. You start off thinking, ‘Oh, I don’t mind.’ Then you go, ‘Actually, let me see what pleated trousers look like … ’” After chewing it over, Sturgess settled on a rustic dark green. “I have a load of black and grey suits, so it was a chance to create something a bit different,” he explains. “It’s got a sort of tweed feel, a bit boxier than I’d typically go for … I’m sounding like a pro now, aren’t I?” His self-conscious laugh betrays that tailoring is not his, well, strong suit. “I live in Dickies trousers and a pair of white canvas shoes,” confesses the fresh-faced 39-year-old, who could comfortably pass for a twentysomething and still dresses, by his own admission, like a teenage skateboarder, even if he no longer actually skates in the park like he did when he was a teenager growing up in Surrey. “I sort of still think that I do, but I don’t,” he says. “Last year, I was messing around on my board, and I fell off and really hurt myself. Like, it hurt and hurt for a long time. You start to learn the hard way that your body’s not the same as it once was. Plus I have to go and throw myself around and get beaten up for work. You get injuries, and it makes life pretty difficult.” “You have a million options: do you want three buttons or two? I got quite into it. You start off thinking, ‘Oh, I don’t mind.’ Then you go, ‘Actually, let me see what pleated trousers look like’” Sturgess does seem to have a history of being on the receiving end of on-screen violence, from 2008 thriller Fifty Dead Men Walking, in which he played a British agent infiltrating the IRA, with Sir Ben Kingsley as his handler, to 2016 US TV series Feed the Beast, in which he played a Bronx chef with David Schwimmer as his fellow restaurateur. “I’ve got a punchable face,” Sturgess quips. “I suppose I’m attracted to stories that have an edge. Now I just assume that’s what acting is: getting beaten up.” Most recently, he was punched in the face by model-slash-actress Agyness Deyn – with a brass knuckle – for Hard Sun. (She learnt Israeli special forces fighting system Krav Maga for the role.) Written by Neil Cross, the scribe behind Idris Elba series Luther, the pre-apocalyptic BBC series stars Sturgess and Deyn as police detectives who inadvertently uncover a government-level conspiracy to conceal the inconvenient truth that the sun is going to destroy the Earth in five years. As knowledge of impending doom becomes more widespread, the fabric of society begins to unravel. At the time of writing, Sturgess has been selling Hard Sun to audiences in America. “They get bombarded with a lot of regal stuff, and they have a particular idea of what England looks like and sounds like,” he says. “It’s nice to show another side of London – a bit more contemporary.” Less like, say, 2008’s Tudor period drama The Other Boleyn Girl, where he played the brother of Natalie Portman’s Anne and Scarlett Johansson’s Mary, with Eric Bana as Henry VIII. Besides, Hard Sun is “very international”, even if it’s set in the UK: “If you live on this planet, you’re definitely involved.” Hard Sun also involved Sturgess wearing a suit every day, something he’d usually only do on special occasions. “It killed the joy,” he says. “I remember going to the Baftas, so I got out of one suit that I’d been wearing for months and put on another. Normally I’m pretty scruffy, so to put on a suit is quite a big change. It’s nice to put something on occasionally and feel a bit … You just feel different in a suit, don’t you?” Sturgess feels different whenever he gets into costume for a role. “It’s when the character comes alive, when you put on his clothes and the shoes that he wears,” he says. “It’s your identity. When you put on a different pair of shoes, you feel like a different version of yourself. So it’s really not until you put the costume on, clothes that you’ve specifically chosen to represent the character, that you understand, ‘OK, this is who he is.’” It’s surprising to hear that it all comes together at that late a stage, albeit after much planning and research. “Yeah, for sure,” insists Sturgess. “It’s always a very exciting moment, actually, when you go, ‘All right, there he is. That’s the way he’s going to look.’” One of Sturgess’s most sartorially memorable roles was the one furthest removed from any semblance of fashion: 2010’s The Way Back, inspired by the memoir of a Polish officer who claimed to have escaped from a Siberian gulag during WWII and trekked 4,000 miles across the Himalayas to British India. (A 2006 Radio 4 documentary questioned the veracity of the account, although there is evidence that someone did do the walk – just not the author.) “One of the great things that the survival expert told us was that you would never throw anything away,” remembers Sturgess. “So you wouldn’t get rid of your jacket, even in the desert – you’d cut it up and wear it as a headband.” Sturgess went straight from that to 2011’s One Day, the adaptation of the then-unavoidable David Nicholls novel with the instantly recognisable orange cover. Over the course of two decades of on-off romance with Anne Hathaway’s Emma, his character Dexter graduates from student to successful 90s TV personality. “Suddenly I’m in a tight pair of leather trousers and a giant jacket,” Sturgess laughs. “You couldn’t feel more different. And the clothes definitely navigate those feelings.” Those feelings were more combative in the case of London Fields, the adaptation of the Martin Amis novel also starring Billy Bob Thornton, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, which has been trapped in legal limbo since 2015 after the director sued the producers for allegedly releasing their own cut (panned by the few critics who saw it). Sturgess played petty criminal and pub darts virtuoso Keith Talent, covered in tattoos and a grimy beard that made him feel “a bit tastier than I probably was”. This nearly proved disastrous when someone almost ran him over in a car: “I got really aggressive with him, and quickly realised that he was double my size.” Still, at least he’s used to being beaten up. Sturgess’ own sartorial identity was influenced by American skateboarding culture. “Certainly, when I was in my teenage years, I was very skateboard-heavy in my fashion,” he says. “And now most people look like skateboarders. It blows my mind that the standard footwear is a pair of Vans. Because when I was younger only someone who was into skateboarding would wear Vans.” He’s similarly bemused that lowly streetwear brands have ascended to the height of fashion, and that kids now queue round the block and overnight for the latest product drop at the Supreme store he used to wander into when it was just a skate shop. At the same time though, he totally gets it. “I remember my mum trying to put me into a pair of shoes that weren’t Converse All Stars,” he says. “They looked exactly the same, and they’d probably be way cooler now, but I was mortified. I was like, ‘No, they have to be Converse.’ My mum was like, ‘But they’re too expensive. These one look exactly the same – they’ve even got a star.’ And I was in tears: ‘Mum, you don’t understand. I can’t wear these to school: I’ll get crucified.’” The other major key to Sturgess’s wardrobe choices was music. He started a band when he was 15, singing and playing bongos in pubs despite being under-age. When school and the band finished, he went to the University of Salford to study media and performance, and be closer to the Manchester music scene. “There were a lot of jackets done up to the top and desert boots,” he says. “I miss that different kinds of music were so influential in the way people dressed. It was almost like a gang mentality: you’d have mods, you’d have rockers, you’d have two-tone … And now everyone looks roughly the same. But maybe that’s because I’m just hanging out with 40-year-old men. I don’t know.” Sturgess was as obsessed with films growing up as he was records. “Even at school, drama and music were the two things I was interested in,” he says. His uni course taught him scriptwriting, editing and theatre production as well as acting; he wrote and performed a one-man show called Buzzin’ that brought him to the attention of an agent, who encouraged him to move to London. Instead of kickstarting his acting career, he got into the Camden music scene and started a band called Saint Faith, taking bit parts in TV and ads to pay the rent. When they broke up, Sturgess was cast in 2007’s Across the Universe, a film musical based on Beatles songs and a perfect fit for his skill set. The common thread between music and acting is creativity and, perhaps not obviously in the latter’s case, self-expression. “It’s interesting because they’re very similar and totally opposite at the same time,” says Sturgess. “When you’re writing and playing music, it’s completely you, naked and bare; when you’re acting, you’re pretending to be somebody else. But you use your own emotions and life experiences to try and relate to the character. At the same time, people behind a microphone are playing some sort of a character. They might tell you that they’re not, but there is a level of performance that isn’t you while you’re just sitting with your mum and dad having a roast dinner.” Sturgess describes his diversion into acting as “circumstantial”; even now that he’s a star, music remains a big part of his life. “I’ve got a little studio at home, and then a lot of my friends are musicians,” he says. Over the years and the various bands, he’s amassed a vast quantity of unreleased material; he’s just now really putting his mind to doing something that might actually get out there. “I just want to finish a cohesive record that kind of has a beginning, a middle and an end,” he says. “Not just a load of scratchy demos that are all just lying around that could potentially grow into something great.” Songwriting inspiration can strike Sturgess in different ways. “Sometimes it’s just a thought,” he says. “Sometimes you’ll be messing around on the guitar and a little melody comes into your head, but you have no idea what the song’s about. Sometimes it’s lyrics: you build a song around the words first. Sometimes you can hear a drum loop, someone starts messing around with some melodies and then you just start singing on top.” Either way, it tends to be followed by a great deal more perspiration: “the grinding bit”. Sometimes Sturgess will know from the first page of a script how he’ll play a character – and sometimes not. “I’ve been offered things and I’m like, ‘I don’t know why you’re asking me to do this,’” he admits. “And that’s always quite exciting because it’s out of your comfort zone. You have to build a character, and change the way you speak and move.” For that, he accesses a database being constantly compiled. “Sometimes you’ve got a character in your head that you’d love to find a story for, and then you read something and go, ‘I could put that into this,’” he says. “Or you’ve noticed somebody on the Tube: ‘That’s interesting, the way he is.’ Then you read something and go, ‘I could use a bit of that.’” Getting noticed on the Tube is not something that Sturgess has to worry about – not even on buses with a picture of his face on the side. “Nobody’s that interested, really, so it’s very grounding,” he says. “In LA, people are very excited about movies, it’s an city built around the movie industry, and actors are kind of the commodity of that industry. So you feel a bit of treatment that you definitely don’t get when you come home.” London brings him back down to earth with a bump: “I’m very quickly getting knocked over on the Underground.” He tells an anecdote about a foreign tourist at King’s Cross who kept saying to him, “You’re a star, you’re a star.” Turned out she was looking for the Eurostar. That probably has more to do with Sturgess’s down-to-earthness than any lack of profile. Certainly, though, his flight path has brought him into the orbit of some massive stars. Like Tom Hanks, his co-star on 2012’s Cloud Atlas, who Sturgess describes as “the nicest guy you could possibly imagine” (exactly how you’d imagine him, then). “He took it on himself to organise a movie night every Sunday at his apartment in Berlin,” Sturgess says. “He’d order loads of food and put out the word to the cast and crew. And we’d all pile round there, hungover from Saturday night, to sit on his couch and watch movies.” Hanks would also talk with Sturgess about music: “He knew quite a lot about hip-hop.” Ed Harris, his co-star on The Way Back, is another. “He was one of the first actors that I worked with who I was so in awe of, and who became a friend, which was amazing,” says Sturgess. “He really took me under his wing, we bonded and we’ve stayed in touch ever since.” A surreal scene ensued in a hotel in New Orleans where the pair were working together for a second time, on 2017’s Geostorm. “We bumped into Billy Bob Thornton, who I’d just done a film with in London, in the foyer of the hotel,” says Sturgess. “We were in an elevator – a lift – and I introduced Ed Harris to Billy Bob Thornton. And I was just standing in the middle of two of the coolest dudes I know.” Sturgess doesn’t know what the future holds, beyond the release of two films that he shot after Hard Sun. The first, JT Leroy, is the strange but true story of a woman, played by Laura Dern, who writes a fictional memoir in the persona of a 15-year-old boy. When it becomes a literary sensation, she convinces the younger sister of her boyfriend, played by Kristen Stewart and Sturgess respectively, to masquerade as the non-existent male author – for six years. The second, Berlin, I Love You, is an anthology of 10 romantic stories set in the German capital and the latest in the series that began with 2006’s Paris Je T’’Aime; Dame Helen Mirren and Keira Knightley grace the ensemble cast. “It always surprises you,” Sturgess says of his fluid profession. “Which I quite like. What’s going to happen next? What sort of story am I going to be involved in telling?” Back in his normal “scruffy” clothes, he blends into the Chiltern Street foot traffic like a chameleon, just another anonymous extra in the movies of everyone else’s lives.  (credit)

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Two

It’s the second day of my return to single-hood.

Last night, I opened up a bottle of fancy French champagne that I bought from an ex-colleague a year ago. I bought it with the intention that X and I could crack it open when she finally came to visit me in the city where I’m currently living. Except that X kept putting off coming to visit me; I always ended up going to visit her in her hometown instead. So I put the champagne in the refrigerator on the night we broke up to let it chill and I finally drank some yesterday. It tastes awful, the driest champagne you can imagine. I’ve always been a fan of the sweet or semi-sweet wines and champagnes. But I didn’t bother to mix anything sweeter into the champagne. I drank it as is so that the eventual buzz would help me forget everything, if only for a short time. And then I re-watched ‘Twilight’ because on some warped level, I love how bad that movie is. 

I slept fine in the end. Unlike yesterday, I made myself some porridge and coffee and had a normal breakfast. I had an electricity bill to pay and when I went to check my bank account balance, I realised that I had some extra money from a refunded airplane ticket. So I decided to celebrate my leaving my apartment and getting some much needed fresh air. I went to an Asian bath house that has these rock pools and tubs filled with hot water. I spent some time in the bath house, then I got dressed and went into the communal area to catch up with social media and some reading while reclining on some comfy futons. 

But honestly, my head and my heart just weren’t in it today. Before I even left my apartment, I had my break-up conversation with X going in my head on repeat. And always the same part of the conversation: when X admitted that she stopped loving me a year ago and only stayed with me till now because she needed me to help her with her financial debts. 

It’s killing me, knowing that X didn’t want me for a year, maybe even longer than that. I keep re-playing snippets of conversations we had over the last year, trying desperately to read the signs that she had grown tired of me. I wish it was just a physical pain in my chest. If I could literally feel the pain, then I’d know what to do to make myself feel better. But it’s a phantom pain in my chest, the ethereal ghost of whispered agony that gives me no respite. 

I wish I could talk to X, even if it’s just to yell and rant at her for lying to me and keeping me on her string for a whole year. It makes our relationship seem like a farce, even though I know it wasn’t. So I’ve decided that I’m going to send X all of the gifts and trinkets she’s ever given in the last three and a half years. Even the box of origami butterflies that she made for me and gave me when I visited her hometown for the very first time. X was so loving and creative in the beginning: always finding new and wonderful ways to put a smile on my face. And now those butterflies have gathered cobwebs in the empty husk where my heart once was. 

After I finished my session at the bath house, I didn’t take the bus home like I intended. I found one of those cool bicycles that you can rent just by scanning a QR code on your phone. Cycling around the city has been my addiction for the past year. I cycle when I’m happy and when I’m trying to escape all the bad things in my life. X followed me on the ride home, up steep inclines and over uneven potholes in the road. She used to be that person who calmed the mania going on inside my head; now, she’s the cause of it all.

So I want to type as much of this blog as I can tonight in the hopes that it will exorcise X’s ghost bit by bit. I’m trying to rush through the process of grieving the end of the relationship when I know that I need to give myself more time. But it’s so hard. X wasn’t just a woman that I was attracted to and fell in love with. She was my best friend, the person I could tell anything and everything to. Now she’s become just another person I once knew and there’s no one to tell my secrets to anymore. I miss X so much and wonder if she’s thinking about me and missing me too. But after she admitted that she didn’t love me anymore, I guess I have my answer. Maybe my mind will always be full of questions where she’s concerned. 

I ate some pancakes and fried chicken for dinner while watching more of ‘Breaking Bad’. But the episodes in season 2 are getting way too real, it might be time to take a break from the gritty world of drug dealing, Maybe my friend A is right; maybe it’s better to watch happy things when you’re sad so that your hope in all things good can be restored again. So after I’m done writing here, I’m going to re-watch ‘The Twilight Saga: New Moon’. That’s actually the only movie out of the series that isn’t completely, gag-inducing awful. And Taylor Lautner took off his shirt multiple times; that was very kind of him. I liked the depiction of Bella going through an extreme ‘blue period’ for 80% of the movie. That felt more real than the scenes with romance and action. I guess I’ve always felt happier when I was sad. I always know what to expect; knowledge gives you power and with that power, everything goes according to plan. It’s happiness and love that bring the true chaos into your world. It’s usually when you feel at your happiest that it gets snatched away so suddenly, leaving you feeling confused and utterly alone in your body and mind. 

I think I will finish that bottle of awful French champagne tonight, if only just to get it out of my refrigerator. That bottle represents all the promises that never came to fruition in my romantic relationship. So it has to be discarded, just like all of the other trinkets that X gave me. Maybe once most of the physical memories have been eradicated, the actual memories won’t feel so bittersweet whenever I think of them.  I’ll still keep X’s photos, emails, text messages and letters for now though. 

If I have enough cash left over next month, I think I want to buy another keyboard. I have one back home in my parents’ house and I always felt sad that I couldn’t take it with me on my travels. I taught myself how to play piano when I was 21 and I love whiling away the hours playing my favourite songs on the keyboard. I used to play for X and sing to her whenever we called each other on Skype and Facetime. Now I just want to get back to playing music for myself. 

I put everything into making my romantic relationship work. It’s odd to think that I now have the freedom and opportunity to think of my own needs first ahead of anyone else’s. I honestly wish that it made me feel better. I never had a problem being by myself before X. And now, she’s left this gaping hole in my heart that desperately needs to be filled with something, anything, again. 

I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and pray that it gets easier. I know it will be ok eventually; but for right now, it’s an endless slog up the proverbial mountain. 

There’s a line from a poem that I once heard in a lesbian movie called ‘I Can’t Think Straight’. It goes like this: ‘Every night, I empty my heart. But by morning, it’s full again’. I hope that will be the case for me come tomorrow. I want my heart to be filled with happiness again, and not because of a relationship. I want that happiness to come from deep within me. I want to love myself again, to pay it forward, to get swept off my feet and to revel in the mysteries of the universe. 

In short, I want to feel like myself again. 

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

Secret Love Song - Harry Styles Mini Series (Part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Harry was in NYC for SNL, while you were still in London. It was a bit weird being away from him, even though you two had only been dating for a few days. You didn’t want to move too fast with him, but the way you felt when you were with him was something you’ve never felt with anyone else before.

You were at the gym with your best friend and you were hoping she didn’t notice anything new about you. Whenever you were dating someone knew, she could usually tell, but this time you couldn’t tell her that you were, in fact, dating someone.

You had just finished your yoga class and were packing up when your friend looked over at you.

“Holy shit,” she gasped.

“What?” you asked looking up at her as you rolled up your mat.

“What’s that on your neck?” She said leaning towards you. “Is that? Is that a fucking hickey?”

You quickly put your hand on the spot on your neck that, you could have sworn you covered this morning, but didn’t exactly take into account that you would probably sweat off the makeup.

“Um, no, I burnt it with the hair straightener,” you said.

“I’ve actually done that before and it looks nothing like that,” she said. “Now, tell me who you’ve been fucking.”

“Will you keep your voice down?” you scolded. “And no one, I told you it’s not a hickey.”

“And Denial is a river in Egypt,” she rolled her eyes.

“You know I’ve never liked that saying,” you mumbled.

“Doesn’t matter, now tell me who you’ve been macking,” she said.

You groan. “No one.”

“Y/N, I’m supposed to be your best friend and we’re supposed to tell each other everything, but you’re holding out on me,” she groaned.

You sighed. “Fine,” you said looking around, most everyone was gone, except the instructor who was gathering up all of her things. “I am seeing someone, but I’m not going to tell you who it is. It’s only been going on for a few days, so it’s still pretty new. I’ll tell you eventually, but not right now, okay?”

She groaned. “Uh, fine, I guess I’ll accept that, but can you at least  tell me if it’s someone I know?”

“It’s not someone that you know personally...” you said.

“But I know of him?” She asked.

“Technically,” you admit.

“Oh my goodness! I’m gonna try and figure this one out,” she said rubbing her hands together.

You rolled your eyes,”You can try all you want, but it’s not going to happen.”

“You underestimate my abilities,” she smirked.

You laughed shaking your head, as you grab your things and the two of you walk out of the door.

**

Later that day, you cooked yourself some dinner, when your phone rang. You wiped off your hands before going over and getting it off the counter. Harry had sent you a facetime request. You smiled and quickly answered it.

“There you are!” He smiled waving to the camera.

You laughed. “Hiya! How’s NYC?”

“It’s going great. I’m really excited about everything,” he said.

“Well, I can’t wait to see it! Although, I’m going to have to set my alarm, since it’s going to be on so early over here,” you laughed.

“Aww, you’re gonna get up and watch me?” He asked.

“Duh, did you think I wouldn’t?” You asked.

He shrugged,” I don’t know. I knew that it would be on at a weird time over there and I figured you might not be able to see it live.”

“Well, I am, so don’t worry,” you smiled.

“Thank you,” he smiled. “I miss you by the way.”

“I miss you too,” you said. “When do you come back?”

“I have a flight early Sunday morning, so probably about Sunday afternoon,” he said.

You nod. “I have a family thing on Sunday night. Maybe if you’re not too tired, I could swing by your place?”

“You better! And don’t worry, I’ll sleep on the plane, so I won’t be tired at all,” he smiled.

You laughed. “Oh! And just so you know, I pre-ordered your album.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. “I really hope you like it.”

“You could just play it for me...” you smirked.

He laughed. “Maybe when I get back I’ll let you hear a few songs.”

“Can’t wait,” you smiled.

“Well, I gotta go back to rehearsal. I had a few minutes of a break, so I thought I’d give you a call,” he said.

“It’s refreshing to know that you’re thinking of me and that you wanted to talk to me during your break,” you smiled.

“Of course, I’m always thinking about you,” he smiled.

“And I’m always thinking about you,” you smiled.

He smiled and you both waved goodbye before ending the call. You sat your phone back on the counter and went back to finishing your dinner. Once it was ready, you went over to the couch in the living room and turned on the TV and sat down to eat your dinner.

The thought of Harry thinking about you and calling you, just made your heart swell and your stomach to do flip flops. You were glad he seemed to care and like you as much as you cared and liked him. You felt happy whenever you thought of him and you couldn’t believe how much you were missing him.

You two weren’t even officially in a relationship, you were just dating, and only for a few days. It made you wondered how it would feel if you two actually were to be in a relationship and he had to go away.

You shook the thought out of your head and finished eating your dinner.

**

You had just finalized your article on Harry and since you finished it the morning after SNL, you made sure to add in a little bit about that. You sent the final piece with all the editor’s suggestions back for it to be printed first thing Monday morning.

You were headed over to your parent’s house for a bit of Easter dinner, so you had to get into the shower and get ready. Once you were ready, you grabbed your bag and keys before heading to your car.

You put the key into the ignition and turned the key, but your car wouldn’t start. You groaned trying it again and again and still nothing.

“Shit,” you mumbled.

Your car wasn’t exactly new, but it wasn’t ancient either. You got paid fairly well working at the magazine, but when you had to pay rent, gas, food, and other bills, it didn’t leave a whole of money to really get yourself a more reliable car. You sighed looking at your phone and knew that you would be late, especially if you walked to take the tube.

There was one person, who you knew that you could call, that lived nearby and was more than likely going to the same place that you were. The boy who lived next door to your parents. You two grew up together and were really close, but then as teenagers, you two decided to take the next step. You dated all through your teenage years and even a little into your twenties, but it just didn’t feel right anymore.

You didn’t want to just settle with someone because you were comfortable. Sure, you loved and cared about him, but there wasn’t a spark. You felt weird about reaching out to him because you hadn’t really spoken since the breakup.

But you womaned up and called him.

“Hello?” He answered.

“H-Hi Finn, um it’s Y/N,” you said.

“Y/N? Oh, wow, hey,” he said with surprise in his voice.

“I hate to do this, but I was wondering if you were going back home for the holiday today? My car won’t start and I’m supposed to be at my parent’s house by 1 and I was just thinking since you lived nearby...maybe I could catch a ride?” You asked.

“Yeah, of course, I can give you a ride,” he said. “I actually just left my flat, so I’ll be there to pick you up in a bit.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” You smiled. “I owe you big time!”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you about five minutes,” he said.

You ended the call and grabbed everything you needed out of your car. It didn’t take long before you say Finn’s car pull up. He waved and you smiled to him. You walked over to the car and opened the door.

“Long time no see,” he smiled.

“Yeah,” you said getting in and shutting the door. “Thank you again for this.”

“No problem. I’m always going to help a friend out,” he said.

You nodded.

“You look really good by the way,” he smiled.

“Oh, thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself,” you smiled.

“I try,” he laughed.

You giggled. “So, how have you been?”

“I’ve been doing well. My job is still going great, what about you?” He asked.

“Same, I’m writing more for the magazine now, so I’m not on intern status anymore,” you laughed.

“That’s great,” he smiled. “I’m really proud of you.”

You blushed.

“Are you seeing anyone?” He asked.

“Um, I’ve been on a few dates, but I’m not in a relationship with anyone,” you said, which wasn’t a complete lie. “What about you?”

“Not really, I’ve been focusing on my career since uh... we broke up,” he coughed.

“Oh,” you said awkwardly.

The rest of the drive was silent and extremely awkward. You were wishing you took the Tube instead. When you got to your parents' house, you both said your goodbyes went to each of your own houses.

As soon as you walked inside, your Mom smirked. “Was that Finn? You drove up with Finn?” she asked.

“Only because my car wouldn’t start. We’re not back together or anything,” you sighed.

“I know, honey, but you never know. Sometimes you just need time apart and you might find yourself getting back together with him,” she smiled.

“I don’t think so,” you mumbled.

**

All through dinner and interacting with your family, you just wanted to scream. You loved your family, but they were constantly bringing up your and Finn’s relationship. The thing with growing up and being best friends with a guy is that everyone thinks that you two should end up together. It didn’t matter if you loved each other, it was just supposed to happen.

When it was finally time to go, luckily Finn had to get back to London, so you were able to make a break for it.

The drive back to London was just as awkward, but at least you were able to text Harry now. You told him about your car and that you would just take a car over to his house, but he said he would just pick you up. You told him you would be home in about an hour.

Finn parked in front of your flat building and you both sat there for a bit.

“Thanks again,” you said.

“No problem,” he said. “Look, I know that today was a bit awkward, but I do miss you, Y/N.”

“Finn-” you sighed.

“No, let me finish, please,” he pleaded. You nodded. “Do I miss our relationship? Yes. I was really in love with you, but I understood why you broke it off. You weren’t in love with me and you deserved to find someone that you were in love with. I’ll admit that after the breakup, it was hard to think about you and be near you, which was why I never reached out. But after today, I’ve realized that I miss your friendship more than anything. It’s been over a year, and I’m ready to start up our friendship again if that’s something you want.”

“I miss our friendship too,” you said. “Maybe we can meet up for lunch one day or something?”

“Sounds good,” he smiled leaning over to hug you. “Happy Easter Y/N,”

“Happy Easter,” you said pulling away and getting out of the car.

After Finn drove off, you waited outside for Harry to come pick you up.

**

Harry had arrived a bit early to your flat and you couldn’t wait to see you. It was weird for him to miss you as much as he did, given the short amount of time you two had been talking. He had never felt like this about anyone, this soon before and he couldn’t wait to see where it went with you.

He also couldn’t wait to celebrate last night with you. He went to the afterparty and had a great time, but he just really wanted to celebrate with you. When he got to the building, he wasn’t sure which one was your’s exactly, until he saw a car pull up and park.

He recognized you and saw there was a guy in the driver’s seat. Harry squinted his eyes a bit to try and see what was going on. He didn’t want to be that guy, the one who got jealous of his girl hanging out with another guy, but you weren’t exactly his girl yet, and he didn’t want somebody else to come and sweep you off your feet.

The conversation that you and the guy were having seemed to be pretty intense and then you two hugged before you got out of the car. It looked completely innocent, but it also didn’t look innocent enough either. Once the car drove off, Harry saw you waiting outside. He decided to wait a few minutes before driving over to pick you because he didn’t want you to know that he saw whatever it was that he saw.

When he pulled up, you smiled and instantly opened the door.

“Hey,” you smiled getting inside the car.

“Hey,” he smiled leaning over to give you a quick kiss. “How was your family thing?”

“It was... interesting,” you laughed.

“Interesting good or bad?” He asked driving off.

“Oh, it was just my parents being my parents,” you laughed. “What time did you get in?” 

“About an hour and a half ago,” he said. 

“Wow, are you sure you’re okay with me coming over? We should have just rescheduled or stayed at my flat that way you don’t have to worry about taking me back home later,” you sighed. 

“Y/N, it’s fine. Like I said I slept on the plane. As soon as SNL was over, I went to the afterparty and then caught a flight after that. I’ve slept for like 6 hours of the flight,” he laughed. 

“Speaking of SNL, you did an amazing job,” you smiled. 

“I messed up a bit towards the end of the first song,” he sighed. 

“You ran out of breath, it happens,” you shrugged. “It wasn’t even that noticeable and you still did great.” 

“I know, but when it comes to my performances, I’m a bit of a perfectionist,” he said. 

The rest of the drive to Harry’s house was silent, but unlike earlier that day, it wasn’t awkward. You walked into his house and took off your shoes. Part of you wished you changed into something more comfortable, but it was too late now. 

“I ordered some pizza, so it should be here soon if you’re hungry,” he said. 

“Great, sounds good,” you smiled. 

“Do you want something to drink?” He asked. 

“I’ll just take a water,” you smiled. 

He nodded and grabbed two bottled water before joining you on the couch. You noticed that Harry was acting a bit quiet. 

“Is everything okay?” You asked. 

“Something’s just bothering and I know it shouldn’t be...” he sighed. 

“Is it about last night?” You asked. 

“No...” he said. “Look, I got to your place early and I saw you in the car with someone and I just.. it looked serious and then you two hugged. You don’t have to explain yourself to me...” he mumbled. 

“Oh, that,” you said. “He’s an old family friend. When my car wouldn’t start, I called him and asked him for a ride, since he was going back home anyway. We did, however, used to date. We grew up together and started dating when we were fourteen up till about a year ago. I broke it off with him because I didn’t feel anything for him, and we were talking about how we would like to try and be friends again.” 

“Oh...” Harry blushed. 

“Yeah, but you know you could have just asked me about before,” you said. “I wouldn’t have minded.” 

“I didn’t want you to think I was one of those guys... I’m usually not,” he admitted. 

You looked over at him and moved closer to where he was sitting. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m not interested or going to be seeing anyone besides you. If I’m seeing someone that I really like, I’m not going to see someone else, just because I’m not in a relationship,” you said. 

He turned toward you a bit and looked down smiling. “That does make me feel better and the same goes for me. I’m not going to be seeing anyone else while I’m seeing you and, to be honest, I hadn’t planned on really dating anyone for a while anyway since all of this solo stuff was going to be coming out, but then I met you and that changed,” he said. 

You blushed as he took your hand in his and pulled you over, so you were leaning against his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and you snuggled into him as much as you could. 

“So, I was thinking that we should have a proper date,” he said. 

“What do you mean by proper date?” You asked. 

“I’m not saying we go out to some restaurant or something, but I do want to take you out and actually call it a date this time. The first time I invited you over to my house wasn’t exactly declared a date until after,” he laughed. 

“True, but where we would go?” You asked. 

“You can leave that up to me,” he smiled. 

“Should I be scared?” You joked. 

“Terrified,” he smirked. 

You laughed leaning up to kiss him. He quickly responded to the kiss as he held you close to him. You smiled sitting up onto his lap and after a bit, you pulled away. 

“So, how about that album of yours??” You smirked. 

Throwing his head back as he laughed,”Were you trying to bribe me?” 

“Yes and no,” you laughed. 

Just then the doorbell rang and you went to grab the door, while Harry grabbed some cash. 

“Hi,” you smiled taking the pizzas from the delivery guy. 

“Oh, hi,” he smiled. “Here’s your pizza.” 

“Thanks,” you said. 

Harry came over and handed the guy some change and a tip. “Thanks,” he said waving him off before shutting the door. 

You smiled bringing the pizza over into the living room. You two then sat down on the couch and started eating. The rest of the night was filled with small talk, sneaking kisses, and just spending time together. Once it started to get late, Harry drove you home and walked you to your door. He gave you a goodnight kiss before you went inside your apartment. 

When you closed the door, you found yourself softly squealing from the night. If you didn’t already have feelings growing for Harry before, you certainly did now. 

**

Have any ideas that you would like to see happen in Secret Love Song? Send them in! :) 

[whisperwoofwoof]

Golden

Rating: Mature Pairing: JongKey Chaptered/WIP | 1.2k~ words Warnings: Sexual situations (nothing too explicit), language Prompt: Dish soap, Children climbing a tree, Whistling, A sex scene, Holy water (PENDING)

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Jonghyun and Kibum had been friends for a very long time.

While they had known each other for even longer, they could almost accurately pinpoint the exact moment their friendship occurred. According to Kibum, they became friends when the school bully had Jonghyun cornered while trying to steal his GameBoy. According to Jonghyun, their friendship began when Kibum kicked the guy in the shin and told Jonghyun to run.

They did what many twelve-year-olds did. They got into mischief together and played their games with the innocence and inexperience they shared towards life. However, when they got tired of playing their pranks, they would climb the giant tree in Kibum’s backyard. To a couple of kids, the world seemed so small from up there. The sound of the lawnmower and the song that Kibum’s dad was whistling seemed distant.

It was up there that the two boys would start talking. Sometimes it would be about problems they had, other times it would be about what they saw on TV the other night, but most times it was about the upcoming school year. Jonghyun hated whenever the subject was brought up, but Kibum loved it. He loved the idea of change and growing up, even mentioning revamping his entire image before middle school began.

“It’s going to be awesome, man! I even met this eighth grader who said he could get us into all the cool parties. I can’t wait!” said Kibum, excitedly.

Jonghyun didn’t want to be sour, but he had a feeling what this all was going to lead to. The days were getting shorter as the first day of school drew near. They were spending less time in that tree, and Jonghyun could feel their friendship slipping away. He wanted to cling on to the best friend he ever had, but even as a child, he knew that this would all come to a stop.

“Hey, Kibum?” Jonghyun interrupted.

“Yeah?”

“Are-Are we always gonna be friends?” Jonghyun asked nervously.

“Of course, Jjong! What makes you ask that?”

“I don’t know, I’m just being weird.”

Kibum chuckled. “Of course you’re weird.”

He pulled the other boy close, watching as fireflies sporadically lit up the yard in front of them.

“We’ll always be friends, Jjong, no matter what. I promise.”

Something in Kibum’s voice made Jonghyun actually believe it.

-

The inevitable happened once September rolled around. Now going by the name “Key,” Kibum was pulled towards a new friend group with their own interests. Jonghyun found solace in his music, practicing whenever he had the chance. It was not as though their friendship had completely diminished. The boys still greeted each other during passing periods and occasionally spoke on the phone. Still, it didn’t compare to the close companionship they had over the summer.

This dynamic continued through high school, with Jonghyun becoming popular with the girls and Key becoming popular in general. However, their paths didn’t really cross again until after graduation, when Key walked into the coffee shop Jonghyun was playing at.

It was a lowkey affair, with just him and his acoustic guitar. The patrons hardly took notice when Jonghyun stashed his guitar to the side after finishing his song. He hugged the man in front of him, squeezing him as though they never drifted apart.

“Yah, you’re embarrassing me,” Key said as he playfully pushed at Jonghyun’s shoulder.

The two found a couch, sitting with their coffee and attempting to catch up. Jonghyun kept pursuing his musical career, while Key stayed in town to attend a community college.

“I’m getting my core classes out of the way so I can transfer to a bigger college to get my degree.”

“What are you going to major in?” Jonghyun asked him.

“Engineering. I really wanted to go into fashion design, but I know my folks won’t go for it.”

Jonghyun nodded in understanding, taking a sip from his mug.

“So, how’s Minho doing?”

“Ah, we actually broke up,” Key said, eye focused on his drink.

“Dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Don’t worry about it, it was more of a mutual thing.”

They continued talking, until Jonghyun mentioned looking for a place to live. Key piped in by saying his roommate had moved out a couple of months before and really needed help with the rent.

“And, you know, your company wouldn’t be so bad either,” Key said as he smirked at his old friend.

-

They kept each other afloat for the next year.

Key supported Jonghyun when he wanted to put his music aside momentarily to attend college and get a better paying job. Jonghyun stood by Key when he decided he was going to tell his parents about his decision to pursue fashion design instead.

Key was quiet after coming home from a meeting with his parents. Barely speaking a word throughout dinner, he got up and collected their dishes. He got the water started, pulling the dish soap from its place in one of the cupboards. His mind appeared to be elsewhere as he pulled up his sleeves and dug into the warm soapy water.

Jonghyun didn’t want to pry, even though he could pretty much tell how the conversation with Key’s parents went. Still, this was his best friend and he couldn’t just stand by and watch him feel shitty. So Jonghyun did the only thing he could do. He rose from his chair and stood beside him in front of the sink. He grabbed a handful of foam and brought it to his own face, effectively making a beard of soap. When Key turned to look at him, he let out the first smile of the day. He was finally able to laugh a bit, gasping when foam hit his cheek. The boys chuckled amongst themselves in that dimly lit apartment, getting into their soapy fight.

They were still laughing when Jonghyun pulled Key close, hugging him with such intensity that it surprised Key. They both stilled, feeling one another’s heartbeats in the middle of the kitchen floor. Key squeezed Jonghyun tighter, not wanting to ever let go of him. When they were able to look at each other, something profound seem to pass through them. They didn’t know if it was a culmination of old feelings or something completely new, but they didn’t want to wait to find out.

Their mouths met with uncertainty, but soon melted into one. Leaving the soapy sink behind, they moved to Key’s bedroom. Articles of clothing were removed, one by one. They fell against the mattress, naked in front of each other for the very first time. Their warm summer of friendship and the lost years where they hardly knew one another were forgotten. The both shook as they pulled the covers over their bodies. They shook out of excitement and nerves from taking this step in their relationship, but they mostly shook because Key liked to keep his room cold.

Determined to warm themselves up, they put all their energy into discovering one another. There were smooth expanses of skin just begging to be caressed. Erogenous zones that neither of the men knew they had were explored, being sucked and bitten. They lost themselves in the pleasure of their act, groaning with each movement. Their pleasure peaked to the point where both felt every single emotion rush at them. Key finally broke down and cried, nuzzling himself into Jonghyun’s chest. He pressed a small kiss to the man’s beauty mark between his clavicles, feeling comforted by the hand stroking his hair.  

He was so lucky to have him.