#where my emotions r exaggerated

[soggypotatoes]

I'm such an idiot lol I was so pumped about enjoying my fanfic I was like. yes fuck yeah I shall keep reading all thru the day as well as the night!! even tho I literally started reading at bed time last night. so I took my wakey pills and drank energy drink but they haven't kicked in yet and I've just realised I'm so tired my eyes r burning and I can't keep em open

it'd be so good to sleep rn and come back to fic tomorrow but instead I've doomed myself to this. endless wakefulness

[noa-ciharu]

Holy fuck I've completely forgotten Sebastian tried to take Ciel's soul before contract was over bc Ciel fell into traumatized state and temporary gave up on revenge

[sabertoothwalrus]

OK PREFACING WITH IM SORRY IF I ALREADY SENT THIS EXACT ASK BUT MY WIFI KILLED ITSSLF AS I SENT IT SO IDK IF IT ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH. but in case it didn’t . i know youve gotten this countless times in the past because i blog stalked just in case youve mentioned something similar before but i need to know if you have any specific inspirations when you draw exaggerated expressions specifically like these two images of marcille. ive actually cried laughing over this comic and being able to communicate this type of visceral emotion is such an insane skill and ive followed your art for probably close to a decade through various fandoms so watching you develop this style has been fucking awesome and epic. like i cannot articulate how funny these are to me i just need you to understand i look at this comic to inspire me to draw now. the closest comparison i can draw to the feelings they evoke are like those mspaint reaction images and also mspaint tails i included for reference even though you probably know exactly what im talking about anyways but its actually so much harder to do that intentionally when you study art. also i lied you literally don’t even need to answer this i just had to let you know how obsessed i am over your silly comics and now ive written out a whole ass discussion post about it. im sorry if this is weird at all i think my daily prescribed amphetamines r wearing off and i know this is such a dumb specific thing to fixate on and im so sorry if its not something you want to hear about your art. ive just always seen that as an artist this type of expressive stupid silly style is something that comes after a significant amount of time and practice and study and style development despite being “simple” in theory. its just so cool to have worked with your own style so much that youre able to go “off model” from it and still maintain consistency with the rest of the piece. i said it already and im sorry this is actually rendundant now but the ability to communicate such raw emotion somehow decreases from at its height when someone is a beginner artist learning how to proportion and keep a steady line and what looks “normal” but somehow it all comes full circle because taking all that experience and using it to almost return to where you started but in a fully informed and intentional way so you can make choices to draw characters like this when the situation calls for it is just dhcidogakgoshfhw. i think i need to cut myself off or im going to talk in circles im sorry tumblr user sabertoothwalrus i just am fascinated by your style and progress and the years you’ve dedicated to art can be seen in so many places but this is just one that stands out to me specifically.

MMMMM what a fun question!!!

I'm not gonna lie, I think it's just Letting A Drawing Be Bad. I definitely think the people that struggle with this the most are people who have genuinely very pretty art styles, to the point of being kind of perfectionist about it. and to Draw Funny often means Drawing Fast and Weird. Pretty is kind of the antithesis of funny (unless being pretty is the punchline). do drawings that make yourself laugh. tracing/lining funny sketches almost always makes them less funny.

one of my favorite types of humor is when it skews more deadpan, actually. This is one of the reasons I love Adventure Time. minimal expressions and flat line delivery + absurd context is a really good combo. the key to comedy has more to do with contrast! if your drawings are allllll crazy ren & stimpy all the time, they're not funny anymore cause it's just "normal". if it's all subdued UNTIL it's extreme, and vice versa, then it's funny. The reason this comic is so funny is because of the complete lack of any expression. I feel like the one you sent of Marcille shouting "WHAT" is funnier when you know how much she tries to be dainty and feminine and delicate, how much she values her appearance, and how averse she is to "gross" or "weird" things.

something I find really annoying (and this is with comics/animation in general, not the expressions themselves) is when the joke goes on for too long. Like you'll have the joke, then the punchline, and THEN the characters reacting to the punchline??? Like the author didn't trust that their audience would find the joke funny, so they basically drew in a laugh track. But, this is distinct from a character's reaction being the punchline (like how the examples you gave from my Marcille comic are). MY POINT IS sometimes expressions aren't as funny on their own as you think, and context can affect how you feel about it!

as far as inspirations go!

my own face! even if I don't have a mirror, I like making the expressions myself so I can "feel" where the points of tension on my face are, and it gives me a sense of what to exaggerate.

my brother's art, believe it or not! we've been trying to make each other laugh with our drawings since we were kids, and he's really good at it.

ATLA has some great expressions

OK KO has been a reallyyyy good source for me lately. That show is so tailored to my sense of humor and the expressions and line deliveries feel exactly like the kinds of things I'd come up with. The tone, timing, and art style are all really close to the tv show pitch I'm working on, so when I feel like I've "strayed" too much from it (like after drawing a bunch of dungeon meshi, and my art feels tighter and... idk "manga-ier"?) I like to go and watch a couple episodes of OK KO to loosen back up

A lot of things like OG Spongebob, Calvin & Hobbes, the Simpsons, Chowder, etc etc

memes in general. if it makes you laugh, keep it in mind

and lastly, I wouldn't say I ever try to mimic funny expressions I see. Like if I watch a show for inspo, I'm not pausing it to copy specific drawings, I'm just trying to notice patterns and pay attention to what about it I find funny.

talking about being funny is really bizarre and I dunno if it makes it lose some of the magic. Ultimately it's something you can't think about too much, and just gotta go with your gut.

[cy-cyborg]

Earlier today I saw a video from Council of geeks on Youtube talking about how frequently and potentially overused swearing is in adult animation. It’s a great video, but I wanted to add my 2c to the conversation real quick.

I grew up in rural Australia in an area that is primarily inhabited by bogans, and if there’s one thing rural bogans know, it’s casual swearing. Australia as a whole uses the word “cunt” in almost the same way we say “mate” - in some circles “cunt” is seen as the friendlier option, and bogans take that even further. constant, frequent swearing was such a normalised part of speech when I was a kid that it was normal for our teachers in high school (which starts in years 6 or 7 depending on the state, and goes all the way to year 12) to swear at us. Not aggressively mind you, they just used the words casually, and the kids would swear at them back. It wasn’t usually an issue, even when they were trying to be an asshole.

Despite this, even I find a lot of adult animation’s use of swear words a bit jarring at times, and I think Council of Geeks put the feeling i’d had about it into words very well: it’s the way a lot of these shows draw attention to it, even when it’s supposedly normalised.

The people back home can hardly get through a sentence without swearing at least once. at least. I use the word “fuck’n…” the same way other people use “umm…” and I know someone who named their dogs “sick cunt” (or “cunty” for short) and my own dad named one of my childhood dogs “fugly” (short for fucking ugly - that was his legal name my dad put on his adoption paperwork from the shelter). when these words are used so often, they do loose their impact, and you can tell they have by the way we all use them around there. If you’re going to use that same kind of frequent “bad” language in your work, you need to acknowledge it too. that’s where a lot of shows who try to emulate this way of speaking fall over.

As funny as it is to say, Spongbob was right when it called the obvious stand-ins for swear words “sentence enhancers” - that is usually the goal of words like “fuck” and “shit” when not used in the context of their literal definitions: to put emphasis on what’s being said. You could say “This traffic is SO slow!” or you could say “Fuck! This traffic is SO fucking slow!”. You could say “are you kidding me?” or you could say “Are you shitting me?” - in both these cases, the addition of the swear words emphasises the rest of the sentence and the emotion behind it.

But when you are swearing every other word, they stop working that way. “this traffic is so fucking slow” is a lot less impactful when that’s the 5th time you’ve said some variation of “fucking” that conversation. So when people back home swear, it’s just a filler word. there is no emphasis, there’s not heightened emotion, nothing. It’s a normal, standard part of speech that is so common and normalised, it sounds weird to people back home when you don’t use it. I’d go so far as to say it get’s the same kind of reaction from people back home as if you were speaking with flat affect (I’m saying this as an autistic person who took a while to warm up to swearing like that, with autistic friends who spoke with very little tone or expression).

phrases like “ah get fucked cunt” are an honestly very casual and friendly phrase (no, I’m not exaggerating) said the same tone you might use to say “nah I don’t feel like [whatever the topic of conversation was]”. honestly I tried to give some more examples, but it’s extremely difficult to demonstrate over text. Australia has a pretty big film and TV industry though, so if you want some examples of what I mean, watch some Aussie TV (look for anything with an MA or R rating, anything under that and they will likely limit the use of “foul language”) especially anything set in small towns or the bush or find rural aussie creators online.

My point is, If you want to have swearing and cursing as a part of your regular vocabulary in your setting, you need to treat it like it’s actually normalised like any other word. If you wouldn’t put emphasis on words like “house” or “dog” or “car” then don’t put that emphasis on words like “fuck” and “shit” lol.

[theriverbeyond]

re: love lies bleeding... i could be wrong but isn't there a difference between the type of steroids jackie was taking and testosterone? i assumed the increasing violence was due to steroid psychosis.

There mostly isn't! The main difference between "juicing"/bodybuilding steroid use and TRT or HRT is mostly just dose and frequency it is being taken. The brands might be different between medical vs recreational use, and some people take compounds that include things like growth hormone or other stuff, but "Anabolic steroid" doesn't mean "bad and used for bodybuilding", it means "hormone that mimics androgens". Link for WebMD overview of anabolic steroids

This is one of the reasons why trans men face issues when wanting to compete in "natural" strength/bodybuilding sports (not to mention, of course, the exclusion of trans women). USA Powerlifting does not specifically ban trans men from competing in the male division, but it bans any and all TRT, with no medical exemption available to anyone, which is effectively the same as banning both trans and cis men with medical conditions that require them to be taking testosterone.

Testosterone replacement therapy's (TRT) goal is to maintain the body's testosterone within a defined medical range. Cis and trans people of all kinds can be prescribed TRT for various medical reasons (post-menopause, being trans, erectile dysfunction, etc). People who use steroids for bodybuilding are blowing right past that defined medical range -- an example is you may see a cis man on TRT with a dose of maybe 0.25mg/week on the low end with the "average" being around 100mg/week. The dose is raised and lowered to maintain the body's T levels within the healthy medical range/the individual's transition goals.

A man using T for a higher performance in strength/bodybuilding sports is likely to be on way, way higher doses, 200-400mg/week or more, and may be taking T in "cycles" specifically intended to promote muscle growth, versus being on it consistently. There are material health risks associated with these high doses but it's not inherently the substance they are using, it is just the dose.

A woman like Jackie is probably going to be on significantly LOWER dose, even for recreational bodybuilding, because women who engage in steroids for muscle growth are usually not looking for the other masculinization side effects of T, so will necessarily want to stay below the TRT levels typically used by both cis and trans men. I mean, this movie takes place in the 80's so they were probably not using modern medical science because it was the 80's, but the reality that a "juiced" woman would probably want to avoid the normal effects of the average T dose remains true because most women body builders regardless of time period are not looking to transition to a T dominant hormone system. link to reddit thread i found

Steroid psycosis does exist, and "roid range" is a known side effect of any kind of steroids -- including non-sex-hormone steroids like dexamethazone. Just go into a children's cancer ward and you will see that steroids will absolutely impact a person's emotional stability on like, a temporary basis. Go on any r/ftm forum and you will see some people having increased irritability as a result of their bodies adjusting to a different hormone system, with much rarer cases of significant emotional challenges. But my critique isn't necessarily to say that it is like, beyond the imagination/too unrealistic, because it's a horror movie and those are rarely realistic. Exaggeration is the name of the game there. Like I said in my original post, it's not that I hate the movie, I'm just THINKING about the movie and how this aspect of the plot landed badly, for me. In this day& age did we have to make the big tall muscle woman w high T also be a crazy violent killer. We exist in the context of all that came b--(im taken out by another sniper)

Anyway. I hope that answers your question now where is that large hook. I need to be dragged off stage immediately before I write another 1000 words on

[bucknastysbabe]

Back to the Old House

Synopsis: The reader, daughter of a Dornish politician has found herself joining her friends-with-benefit’s summer vacation. As his fake girlfriend. Was it mentioned that the fwb is a Prince and that ‘vacation’ is a week long nightmare with the royal family at their ancient creepy castle?

Rating: Explicit, each chapter tagged

Tags: Modern!AU, PINING, friends w benefits to lovers, Finger blasted on a private jet, family drama, Dornish!Reader, Switch!Aegon, Angst, Emotional range of a starfish Aegon and reader, hurt/comfort, smutty subby prostate play boom

A/N: So this happened I’m excited but I must draft some kinda story but make it E R O T I C. Basically these two idiots ACTUALLY get together in royal hell while destroying Aegon’s ass in multiple ways plus hurt/comfort and pining galore :)

Introduction: Mile high club? Mile cry club.

Aegon popped his gum, sprawled out in a chair on the jet. You stiffly sat from across and chewed your lip. The prince idly scrolled through his phone but you could tell your ‘friend’ was anxious. He couldn’t stop tapping, popping, jimmying— nervous energy.

You deadpanned, “Aegon.”

Violet eyes lifted to meet yours, him yanking out an airpod with a pout. You hated how dick-ish he got when he was anxious. Aegon was always being a dick but much more so in this mood.

“So I know you’re about to shit a brick but we need to come up with a backstory on how we started to…’date.’”

He blew out an exaggerated breath and snorted, “I think it’s pretty simple— We met at a fraternity social and started to date.” You stared blankly and he amended, “I asked you out first, of course my Dornish lady.”

You were nervous about your heritage. Your father was a former governor of Dorne and lambasted the figurehead monarchy. Most people with Rhoynish blood did, it had been like that since the Targaryens first took over Westeros in ancient times. Dorne had seceded and rejoined the country countless amounts. To your chagrin, most of the Targaryen men had nice girls of Valyrian or Andal descent. Never the licentious sandy Dornish with their lilting accents and stony eyes.

Snapping out of your own worries, You nodded in affirmation at his apology. Aegon moved to sneak his airpod back in before you joked, “Definitely need to leave the part out where I made you cum so hard you cried in the corner of the brother room, hm?”

Aegon’s pupils expanded and his plush lips opened slightly, a pink tongue darting out to wet them. You drawled, “Wanna’ repeat? Get some of that nervous energy out— you get so tetchy.”

The prince’s cheeks flushed and he spluttered, “Tetchy? The fuck does that mean? I have to see my crazy ass family I’m about to lose my shit!” Your lips quirked up at his outburst, crooking a finger towards yourself.

After some minutes of frantic clothes tearing on Aegon’s part and sloppy kisses, you had the prince spread out on the floor of the private jet. You knelt between pale thighs and hollered, “How much left on the ride?” Aegon pouted, tightening his legs around you.

The pilot’s voice crackled over the intercom, “One hour until landing at Dragonstone.”

You shrugged and tore a packet of lube between your teeth and smothered your fingers and Aegon’s pucker with the cold substance. He hissed and whined at the temperature. You smacked his thigh and hissed, “Hush. You’re always so fucking loud.” Aegon jerked his head to the side petulantly, biting on his cheek.

He knew you loved when he was noisy— just being a bitch got him harder than diamonds. Your pointer finger swirled around, easing him up. Aegon whispered, “C’mon, I can take it, fuck!” You pinched a pale thigh and jabbed, “Your whole body is taught as a bow, just lemme open you up slow. You’ll thank me for it later.”

A roll of violet eyes was your answer. You let it slide, from what you heard about Aegon’s family you were on edge too. Slowly you entered your pointer into the second knuckle, cooing at his cock throbbing in reaction. Aegon’s adorably red face begged, “Please- one more.” You obliged and slid your middle finger snug beside it.

You scissored and took your time. You growled, “So tight for me, such a slutty little hole.” Aegon’s voice pitched up into a mewl and his throat bobbed. You fumbled for another packet of lube, really slathering it on his hole to balls. The prince babbled, “H-hey, need it, need it, need it!” You used your free hand to rub at a trembling thigh. He never called you baby or any sappy pet names that suggested love— a rule between you two.

You promised, “Oh…you’re going to get it little dragon.” You twisted your fingers around, searching for that swollen nub. Poor Aegon had been so stressed lately with the impending summer vacation and the loss of your presence to visit Hellholt— there had not been a chance to milk him out. You knew he fucked plenty of other girls but your pride held to the notion that they didn’t get to see the Prince like this.

You found it with a gleeful laugh and a broken moan from Aegon. You lamented, “Poor thing. You’re so full.” The blonde’s unkempt locks shook with his head as he whined, “So fucking full- shit!” His pretty white teeth bit into his bottom lip as you began to stimulate the gland. Deep strokes and your thumb massaging from the outside had the Prince already frantic. His thighs had your waist in a dead lock.

It never ceased to amaze you how sensitive he was— you have no clue how Aegon is labeled ‘the frosh slayer’ by his frat brothers. He cried like a bitch the first time you had him…and about every other time after that. Aegon was a big touch-starved baby at the end of the day.

You cooed, “S’that feel good?” You grinned at the slew of non-understandable words in return. His violet eyes were glassy and he drooled as you milked his prostate. A puddle of cum leaked onto his pale belly. A thought abruptly shifted your plans. You swiped two fingers of your free hand through the fluid and pushed it between Aegon’s gaping lips.

Just as expected he wailed and more cum plastered his belly. You murmured, “Knew you’d like that slut. Suck on em’.” The blonde did eagerly, thrusting his hips back onto your fingers. Drool dribbled down his cheek and his cheeks were hollowed. You pressed a couple of soft kisses to his chest and nipples, heart fluttering annoyingly.

You slid your ring finger in and really started to pump your fingers into Aegon’s ass— wet noises filling the empty jet. You purred into his ear, “Hear that? So wet for me Prince.” Pretty tears leaked out of the blonde’s purple eyes onto reddened cheeks. He moaned around your fingers, “Gahds! Mhm!” You knew he was close, jerking your fingers out of his swollen mouth and jacking him off.

Aegon’s sweaty head fell back and he cried your name sweetly. He whimpered, “Ah- gods- cumming! So close? Can I can I?”

You whispered with a smile, “Yeah, c’mon.”

He kept his amethyst eyes locked onto yours as he seized up around your fingers and painted cum up to his chest. Aegon lunged forward and tightened his arms around your body. Your friends-with-benefits kissed you achingly. He sobbed with the release— you shushing him and putting the pieces back together. Like you always did.

Aegon’s breath came in shuddery huffs while you snatched a cocktail napkin to wipe him clean. His eyes warmly watched you work as he calmed. Long ringed fingers twisted a strand of your hair. You sat back on your haunches, a hand possessively on the outside of his lean thigh. Aegon laughed airily and breathed, “Needed that, I think I need a nap.”

You rolled your eyes and helped the cum-drunk brat up. You slapped his ass and teased, “Go take your nap, m’lord.” Aegon playfully pinched your side and shambled over to the pull out. He placed the headphones in again, still naked as a jaybird and dragged on an eye mask. You cleaned up the remnants of the debauchery and tried to spray your perfume to cover up the stench of sex. Then aggressively washed your hands.

Sitting back in your original spot, you watched out the window. Dark clouds swirled about. Aegon had told you Dragonstone was a dreary, stormy place. Your nails dug into your palm, drawing blood. You were not ready for this at all. Recently every time you fucked around with the Prince your chest felt all soft and weak. You didn’t even really fuck other guys anymore, just didn’t care for it.

But Aegon was— has been adamant about no-strings-attached. He’d even given you a list of rules, the prick. But he dug his way into your twisted heart, like a damn firewyrm of Old Valyria. You played the free-spirited ‘I am an Uller of Hellholt, fuck you’ persona. At the beginning it was easy, so, so easy.

Turning to gaze at Aegon’s pouty lips you frowned. You grumbled, “R’hllor bless me. Or send me to a fiery doom.” Wiping a stray tear away with a huff, you turned back. You’d do your makeup in the meantime and wake the idiot up to get dressed in thirty minutes. Fool didn’t even know how to style his own hair, he was used to stylists and servants.

You needed a Xanax. Aegon probably had some stashed around. You called on the fire god again for good measure. Fuck.

Chapter 1

[fatalism-and-villainy]

To follow up from this, I'm trying to put into words what I genuinely find so fascinating and galaxy-brained about Bedelia as a character. Part of it is her blend of amorality and complete inability to stomach violence. That’s not necessarily a unique combination in a character - it’s a fairly common villainous archetype, cowardice as a marker of weak moral fiber. But the way these traits manifest in her in the context of the show - it’s not a matter of cowardice, exactly, but more of taste. Hannibal is a show that’s far more concerned with aestheticism than with morality, and her feelings about violence are appropriately free of moral concern. Her slow and steady realization of Hannibal’s true nature is premised not in moral outrage, but in taste. It’s an interesting contrast to someone like Will, whose morals are more diametrically opposed to what Hannibal stands for, but who does share his taste, who’s predisposed to be able enter the theatre of Hannibal’s mind and revel the beauty in murder.

Another part of it, I think, is the fact that the show as a whole features numerous different manifestations and deployments of violent impulses, frequently posing a question as to who is capable of violence and under what circumstances. Violence is often thematically tied up in the question of control; control over one’s own impulses, control over others’ perception of oneself, control over others. Violence is, of course, frequently a way of asserting control over others, but on the show it also frequently constitutes a loss of control in some fashion. With Hannibal, his violence is the “true self” that he keeps firmly under wraps with his public self-image (the “person suit”). With Alana, it’s the only possible culmination of her losing control of the situation with Mason Verger, with her being forced to follow the abdication of her morals all the way to the end point. With Will, it’s ceding to the impulses that he struggles to keep in check and bury.

Bedelia is an interesting variation on that theme, because she’s so guarded and self-contained (and thus, such an enigma, especially at first). She’s obsessed with image, down to her character design, always perfectly coiffed, and always so careful and deliberate in how she deals with others. There’s a certain irony in her calling Hannibal out on his person suit, because what is she wearing if not a person suit? And one so impeccably tailored that her internal thoughts are so elusive and hard to perceive beyond the exterior she shows others. That need for control comes from the same place the appeal of violence comes for her - at least that’s my takeaway from the injured bird dialogue. In her mind, violence is a show of power, a means of asserting her superiority, and an abhorrence of weakness. But in reality, violence constitutes for her a shattering loss of control - it’s where the cracks in her perfectly maintained physical image and façade of emotional placidity show.

And I’d say Gillian Anderson’s performance adds a lot to these character elements. Bryan Fuller describes her character in the DVD commentaries as bringing a mixture of camp and melodrama, and that kind of self-consciously filmic delivery and affect just… heightens the character so much, and is such a great addition to the gothic horror, slightly-to-the-left-of-reality setting of the show. I was going to say her reactions to Hannibal, particularly in Florence, are a more “realistic” response to him than Will’s, but realism isn’t exactly in play in her emotionality - there’s an almost hyperreal quality to her fear and trepidation that complements the generally exaggerated, capital-R Romantic sweep of the story in general.

[fukia]

Fionna & Cake final thoughts , opinions and nitpicks lol

This will be unorganized and random and stinky, sorry

• great pacing first 2 eps

• good ideas

• ignoring multiverse saturation, is p decently done here!

• I miss Neil Patrick’s take on Gary/gumball- he sounded so freakin princely :(

• marshall sounded kinda less mischievous than he used to? Like vocally more down or something- I’m super glad he had the same actor tho lol Donaldddd

• I miss old Prismo voice too but I know why these didn’t work out

• Hunter’s voice either could’ve gone for a deep gravely stoicism or could’ve just been w/ the same actor as Huntress Wizard

• Scarab is ehhh- decent design but feels kinda out of place for adventure time- voice is similarly the same offness too, reminded me of kinda bad anime dub voices, it doesn’t feel intentional to the right extent —- either make a more surreal villain or a funnier one, his presence was rather generic

• the spooky faces and scurrying beetle of scarab was kinda funny

• lemongrab. Why justnonce roiland.

• I will end my life a million aeons over for Orbo - bluey’s dad: “say goodbye to your legs!”

• mmmarceline dress

• bubblegum mmmmilitary

• I wish we saw the fucking MOON vampire

• MOON vs STAR (super cool naming if the uh tarot thing is carried on here I legit don’t know if star is an actual tarot card lemme check)

• ORGALORG WHYYYYYY

• marshall n Gary was sweet- but I really wished they played up the bitter exes part before they did just the fluffy dating, bring a bit of parallel consistency

• fionna was good acting! The crying bit made my heart ouches- Character herself was a tad frustrating at times admittedly

• cake is great still - cake and vampire king hilarious

• why no “the star”’s actual dad :(

• BETH SHERMY GIBBON YES YES YES- back to old adventure time: I love the intro theme for Beth and shermy, it’s so melancholic and desolate, cold, with backgrounds that make this so fascinatingly depressing a turn for the land of oo (happy endings impermanent- life goes on kinda deal, so cool, so consistent with adventure time’s own concepts & “everything stays”)

• Simon and Betty made me emotional

• uhh how old was Betty when she starting dating simon? Just offhand lol I’m sure it was fine

• Golbetty had beautiful scenes

• way better simon and Golbetty than that weird adventure time published comic I’m sure some of you read

• the animation is great on some places, other times while well made, feels out of place for adventure time; like it’s trying too hard to be pretty (not the Ice Prince song, stuff like that made sense for adventure time)

• like some bits reminded me of Steven universe’s inconsistencies (same bits that made me really really dislike some of adventure time distant lands’ execution)

• [funny nitpick incoming] like there were points where the characters had really big eyes even tho they r supposed to be dots (not when exaggerating certain emotions cartoonishly, I meant prolonged); adventure time’s deal is keeping them small and kinda hard to decipher

• some bits were just a tinnny too anime that it bothered me, just some! Anime is cool!!!

• I was really expecting or hoping for a Korra styled multi-season just with lesser episodes

• the resolution was… kinda haphazardly handled

• same with some of the final themes, like w/ simon n betty

• adventure time is kinda known for being almost ambiguously optimistic so the whole super happy thing was kinda strange to me

• I know like it shouldn’t have to be the same as adventure time obviously, but that was the general identity of adventure time; the cosmic ambiguity with absurd humor delivered nonchalantly

• like I think of patience st pim’s ice domain during elements and the melancholic quietness of it - also PATIENCE ST PIM WHYYYYY I LOVED YOU (patiencevstheempresscough)

• ORGALORG COME BACK TO MEEEE

• yes it was a great thing to have this miniseries I enjoyed many parts

• the music was fucking fire!!!

• where was the dr two brains reference ? -3-

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII ARIIII IT IS IIIIII!!!!!!!!! i'm here to bombard you with the very same questions of the question game bc i really wanna hear your answers too!!!!!! so 1. your comfort characters pleaseeee pretty please andd 2. a scenario that you've replayed multiple times please pretty pretty please!!! luv u btw wait also u are 10000% that gojo cover is the most beautiful thing in the world and nobody can tell us otherwise<33333333333

- @catchuuu

MICKEY IT IS YOUUUUUUUU :33 welcome welcome!!!!!! take a seat……. here is your ari delivered pastry and drink 🍩🍵 <- some tea bc it’s late. it’s gonna help you sleep better trust !!

wahhh you’re so sweet to drop in w these…. i had a crisis answering them bc . i am …. indecisive,.,…… but i’ll try just for you :’3

1/ HHHHHHHHHHHHH what is there to say………… you already know a lot of them i think 😭😭 gojo our belovedest ALWAYS makes me happy and suguru too!!! i think gojo is a bit more of a comfort though… sugu makes me pretty sad….. ANDDD ofc kenjaku!!! my silly emotional support queercoded villain. he makes me smile :3 would also throw in nobara bc her existence feels like a warm hug. she’s my Everything. i had a crush on her when i first watched jjk and i will adore her always!!!!!

jjk aside though…… THIS is where i start getting indecisive bc i have too many fandoms to keep track of + my memory is bad :’3 but ummmm um. kunikida is my angel wife!! and reki from sk8 the infinity makes me sooo happy 🥺🥺 (you would LOVE him btw he has the brightest smile ever) ALSO NOYA FROM HQ…… and ryoji from persona 3….. and kazui from milgram… and tsukasa and emu from pj sekai……….

i could mention more but!!! i’ll finish by saying saber and archer from fate/stay night :> saber is the reason i started loving knights and archer is the sexiest man on this planet + the reason i’m into motherly men + voiced by junichi suwabe <3333 the fate series is soooo dear 2 my heart mickey…. my favorites r actually sakura and kirei but they both make me too emotional to be called comfort charas…. same w shirou……. and every single csm character too 😔 sigh .

2/ hhhh this one was . also tough……. :cc since you went w a childhood near-death experience i will do the same >:3 i was almost brutally murdered (<- grave exaggeration) by a cow when i was like . 10…. it might’ve been a bull?? i was too scared to look it in the eye 😞😞

it was raining a bunch right … and there was this lil nature reserve near my house . w a path you could walk up on a hill but also down by a river….. and it was raining sm that the whole thing was just FLOODED. you couldn’t see any of the rocks in the river…. or the grass you could walk on beside it…… so little ari decided to go down there anyway. for the sake of adventure. and i made it to the end of the path to a fence that you could jump over to get to The Normal Road Home .

BUT …. gasp ………. little ari came face to face w a bunch of cows . up on the hill. right by the fence. they were eating the grass and i was scared bc they were fucking HUGE mickey :((( i was shaking n shivering and trying to blend in w my surroundings……… carefully making my way towards the fence that they were kinda blocking.

BUT THEN …. another gasp….. suddenly i was face to face w this One cow/bull and it just stared at me. for a couple seconds. and then it ran right towards me and my childhood instincts kicked in …. so i like. ran down the hill and then back up so i could jump over the fence . and then i was ok :) but ever since that fateful day i’ve been scared of cows….. i can only admire them from afar 😔😔😔😔

hehe these were so fun to answer… ty mickey my angel <333 ALSO SO TRUE SO REAL i knew i could trust you…….. he’s so pretty!!!!!! ig we just have to bear the burden of understanding him better than anyone else …. a heavy burden but. it is what it is <//3

[kiliinstinct]

Chapter 25:

Rating: R Pairing: Nalu FF.Net || AO3 [Ch: 1] ||| [Prev] | [Next] Happy First Update for 2024! Please remember to give thanks to @phoenix-before-the-flame for being my beta. Hope you all enjoy this chapter! Next Update: Jan 24th February Post Dates: 12th and 26th

”Youuu're distracted 'bout somethiiing,“ Cana sang , playfully dropping most of her weight on Lucy's shoulder as she stared blankly into her soup bowl. 

Grunting, Lucy struggled to support the added weight before nudging the bowl across the table; to prevent her bangs from enjoying an unfortunate dip in the heated dish. ”Am not.“

Playfully poking Lucy’s side with her elbow, she replied, ”Could’ve fooled me. Makin’ me worry the food isn’t good with how long you’ve been staring at it,” She snorted in amusement and gave another jab. “You didn’t even notice when I sat down.“ 

Lucy jolted up, knocking their heads together in the rush, ” Ow! Geez, calm down! I was exaggerating.“

”How long was I staring into space?“ Lucy asked, taking stock of the mess hall in consternation. It certainly was more active than she recalled. She bit her lip. Hopefully no one else took note of her obvious distraction.

”I dunno, “ Cana pondered. A familiar smirk toyed at the edge of her lips. “I’d say more like fifty-”

Her shocked groan gave way to the fortune teller cackling, ”That's not an exaggeration, that's an overstatement!“

”Relax, relax,“ Cana mollified, sliding off Lucy’s side to lazily produce a card, held deftly between her fingers. Lucy hadn’t realized she’d taken out the pack, ”I know you didn't mean to ignore your good buddy, so I'm gonna to give you a tiny reading to make up for the teasing.“ She winked, “On the house, of course.”

”Who said I wanted a-,“ Lucy's eyes squinted at the card, baffled when Cana flipped it in her fingers and away from her curious gaze, ”Wait, I didn't see which one it was-“

”You're not the one reading it: I am.“

”But that-“

”Ts-ts-tsh!“ She shushed, covering Lucy's mouth with a finger, ”No complaints. It’s rude to complain about free things. Just eat your food and I'll figure out the rest.“

When the fortune teller began to shuffle her deck with no further prompting or explanation, Lucy pulled her bowl back, pouting as the steam rolled into her face. It was a marvel that her meal was still so hot despite how long it sat while lost in thought. Perhaps it was whatever magic was used to heat it in the first place.

But those thoughts led her right back to square one: Natsu. Cana was right on target when she called Lucy distracted, but explaining what had her out of sorts was an entirely different matter. She didn't know where to begin sifting through the confusing tangle of emotions she was feeling.

What was her priority now? She couldn’t tell.

Taking the first spoonful, she began to mull it over again. Her guilt still plagued her, forever at the back of her mind, twisting her stomach into nauseating knots when she was alone. But Natsu's injuries held her fast and Porly's cutting words stayed cemented in her head. Most of all, was her time spent watching the draconis the day before. She forced the memory from her mind before her face could flush from more than her soup.

It was a miracle the whole village wasn't speaking of it. Gray was true to his word , keeping the scene he’d interrupted quiet. Lucy would have to thank him later. Better him knowing rather than Cana, who was currently sniffing out her secrets like a bloodhound. Lucy dreaded the thought of her full mental ruminations being revealed under the seer’s knowing, mischievous gaze. 

A few bites more and she began to unwind, letting the warmth of her meal heat her up from the inside out. The gentle sound of card shuffling melded with the general chatter in the hall and the clattering of utensils through the room became a calming background noise. The soup really was delicious, bursting with flavor. While having no answer to her errant thoughts, the comfort of her surroundings and meal soothed her fraying nerves. Perhaps she should get seconds...

”So you're wanting to ask Natsu something, but don't know how to bring it up, eh?“

Lucy choked on her spoon, wheezing around the wooden utensil as the hot liquid scalded her throat.

”... eww, did that just come out of your nose, Blondie?“

”Cana!“ Mortified, she quickly wiped her face with a nearby rag, whining pitifully as the other laughed uproariously, “T-that wasn't- ... can we pretend that didn't happen?”

“Sure.” Cana's grin was devious. “Tell me what you want to ask Natsu.”

Before Lucy could ask why Cana thought she had something to ask, the fortune teller held up another card. Like before, she pulled it away before Lucy could read it. Though Lucy could’ve sworn she’d seen a circle of cups decorating the front. She knitted her brows together. Did cups mean something?

Cana managed to look offended, lips pursed together as she whined in an over dramatic huff, “I'm hurt, I thought you trusted my skills by now.”

The romni didn't bother replying, opting to raise her brows and stare, dubious of Cana's behavior by now. When she began eating again, Cana continued with a lazy drawl, “Listen, whatever it is, I'm sure I can help ya' figure it out. Or I could tell Natsu how you look with soup shooting out your nose next time I'm watching him. That's your call.”

“You’re not on the rotation.” Lucy replied with a level voice, despite taking a nervous bite.

“I wish.” She rolled her eyes, lips pursing together in a petulant pout, “But Master weaseled me on. I got no say in the matter. Now talk before I use this to make the most out of my babysitting time later.”

A sigh and she slammed the spoon down, face burning brightly, “Has anyone ever told you that you're absolutely insufferable sometimes?”

“That's more like it, now spill!“

Lucy vaguely wondered if Cana was the true gossipmonger of the village or if she just liked having a stranglehold on every secret she could get her sly hands on. Glancing around the hall, she noted everyone too wrapped up in their own discussions to eavesdrop and chewed her lip: considering her options.

Anything to keep Natsu from having more fodder to tease her with, she decided. "... when he was in Porly's hut, he had a lot of nightmares... or memories perhaps.“

”Yeah so? Does this have a point?“ Cana urged, cards dancing in her fingers as she arched them in a perfect bridge and began to shuffle again, ”I was hoping for something juicy you know-“

”He asked for someone named Igneel.”

The cards froze, one almost slipping from Cana’s grasp and Lucy knew she'd struck something. Her nose twitched, face twisting to a hard, neutral expression as she set her deck aside. Cana reached for a mug of ale she'd brought and knocked it back, impressively downing it in one go.

“... so you do know who that is.” Lucy said. 

”I needed that,“ She exhaled, voice lowering an octave or two. ”Does he know?“

Lucy squirmed in her seat, uncomfortable with the heavy feeling that surrounded them, dropping her gaze as she pinched the tip of her fingers over and over anxiously. ”No, I don't think so. When I asked, Porly said he was a man long dead, but didn't give me anything more than that. I figure it's his business to tell anyway so I didn't want to pry. It's just...“

”Better to ask him then anyone else,“ Cana finished, finally meeting Lucy's eyes, ”go ahead. Ask him. Maybe you'll probably learn more than we have.“

Lucy blinked, “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly how it sounds.” She explained with a shrug. “We've all caught the name at some point or another, but he's never explained more than Porly's said.“

Lucy hummed a noncommittal reply, thoughts already drifting back into the previous void they'd been in. Something was bothering her and the new information only made it worse. “... I had assumed everyone here was pretty open about their lives, but I suppose not.”

“What’s life without a few secrets? Can’t keep everything out in the open.” Cana said, returning to her deck of cards, “We treat each other like family, sure, but we know better than to push.”

Lucy snorted, “Save when you're teasing.”

“Well, duh, what's a good day without a little teasing?”. She swiped a mug out of Elfman’s hands as he passed by to prove her point.  Ignoring his outraged blustering, she took a hearty swig until the taller man stomped away to replace his stolen drink. Lucy marveled at the fortune teller's ability to move her cards with one hand, eyes gleaming, “Besides, you make it so easy.”

With a scoff and bemused stare, Lucy resumed her meal, feeling a touch lighter than before. There were still many things she couldn't wrap her mind around, but at least she had a place to start. She would just have to find a good moment to ask Natsu and hopefully - her grip tightened on the spoon- not cross an unseen boundary.  

They fell into companionable silence, with Lucy shoving her now finished bowl aside and 

Cana counted her cards before shuffling again, muttering under her breath at every interval. It was a quiet, secure comfort that Lucy reveled in. 

Not only from Cana, she realized the same comfort came from those around as well. Whether it be from Wendy's gentle check-ups or Mirajane bringing her along for chores or chatting with her siblings, Lucy couldn't ignore the fact she was settling in.

And while Lucy didn't know just how deep her roots had dug in, she was grateful for every moment of peace. It eased the grief that haunted her for over a year, and offered her the smallest inkling of hope that in time, everything would be far better than it was before.  

She desperately wanted to believe that, even if guilt still gnawed in the cockles of her heart. In that silence, she decided she'd put herself on rotation to watch Natsu again. And this time, she'd ensure Makarov didn't take another three days to give it to her. 

All things considered, the day was looking to be an easy one.  Lucy was full and warm, resting easily on the table with her eyes drooping low from post meal stupor. A nap seemed on the horizon, but a sudden shout from the entrance snapped her awake and grabbed everyone's attention.

“Lucy! Is Lucy here?!“ Levy barreled through the hall, skidding against the ground as she twisted her way around the tables, barely noticing the ones she narrowly missed striking as she passed. Her hair was askew, puffing about her head in static and bits of dust and cobweb clung to her in patches. 

Asides from skipping most of the festivities before it was interrupted, the smaller Romni looked as if she'd been buried beneath old books and dust bunnies for the past month. Considering the amount of times she refused to leave her archive, Lucy guessed the assumption wasn't far off. 

Bracing herself, she stood, waving the smaller girl over, ”What's going on?“

Cana, reaching out to help brace Lucy's elbow, wrinkled her nose at one of her cards. ”Guess she found somethin-“

Levy came at them too fast, practically crashing into the table as she failed to stop in time. Levy gasped an apology as she hunched over the table with a sharp inhale of air. ”You'd be right! I KNEW I'd heard that story somewhere before.”

“What?” Lucy asked, flummoxed and feeling as if she'd missed a step, “heard what story?”

“Yours!!” She exclaimed, grasping Lucy's shoulders as excitement exuded off her like its own aura. “The one I transcribed for you! It sounded so familiar and I couldn't figure out why, but I found it. You've got to come with me, this is so interesting- erm, I mean,” She paused, cheeks turning red as she realized her passion was currently shouting directly in Lucy's face, “oh, sorry, sorry! Didn't mean to blast you with my breath there.”

“It... it's fine,” Lucy said, feeling slightly dizzy, “You didn't bring it with you?”

Levy reeled back at Lucy’s words in mortification. ”An old document like that is not going anywhere out of my protection charms, are you crazy? No, no, no, you simply have to come with me: right now.“

”What's the big deal,“ Cana asked, stretching her arms over her head, exposing her stomach in the process, ”It's just an old story passed down through clans isn't it?“

”Yes, but this one is from a completely different clan,“ Levy pressed further, biting back another excited squeal, ”yet it tells the same thing and has MORE to it. Seriously, this can't wait!”

She paused, took a deep breath and retracted her last statement, “Oh no, no, wait. It can wait. You probably have chores to do.” Levy’s excitement seemed to dull, she twisted a dangling cobweb hanging for dear life from a blue strand of hair and flicked it away.  “It doesn’t have to be now if you have things to do.” 

“I'm not all that busy...” Lucy started, glancing back towards the others currently peering from their tables to witness Levy's rising tide of emotions. 

“Really? Great!” She chirped, eyes sparkling once more, ”Let's go. Right now!“

Cana was on her feet before either girl moved, cards pocketed and a third mug of ale emptied. (Lucy realized she missed that one being swiped and wandered towards the victim now missing their alcohol.) Clearing her throat, she slapped her hands on Levy and Lucy's shoulders and winked, ”I'm coming too. Been needing some more girl time. What d'ya say?“

Honestly, Lucy felt as if everything was happening all at once. She could barely keep up. Seeing no reason to deny Cana, she nodded and Levy wasted no time grabbing their hands, intent to drag them both out as quickly as possible. It took a hurried reminder from Cana for the transcriber to slow her pace, muttering a sheepish apology to Lucy in turn. 

The trek to Levy's archive was faster than it was in the past. A fact that made Lucy proud of her newly growing abilities. The magic was still a faint whisper, but the comforting tendrils came at her call any time she needed a brace for her leg; while the pain she'd grown used to was ebbing away by the day.  

Cana was a good companion on their trip, counterbalancing Levy's exuberance with sass and sarcasm, lightheartedly teasing both as they traveled the beaten path. When Levy grew too excited about her collection, the fortune teller would temper her with a cheery pat to her back and wide smile.

“It's been awhile since I've seen you this hopped to share a book, Lev.“ She spoke, voice dripping in sincerity despite the lop-sided, humoring smile. 

A faint dusting of red covered Levy’s cheeks, twiddling her fingers through the barest of pouts, ”Look, I know not everyone shares my hobby, but I meant it when I said Lucy would want to hear this so-“

”I love reading,“ Lucy interjected, raising a brow, ”you could talk to me about books anytime you want.“

”Really?!“ Levy's shrill cry sent a few starlings to the air, taking flight from their positions in the trees alongside the road. ”Why didn't you tell me before?“

“You, uh, didn't ask?” Lucy countered lamely. 

Their aimless chatter continued as they went, bouncing from idle gossip to fond stories with laughter filling in the gaps. By the time they entered the small haven for Levy's collection, Lucy had almost forgotten the length of time the collector spent looking for just one story. 

She thought her first viewing of the library was messy, but Levy apparently had a talent for chaos that put Natsu to shame. It was like a cyclone went off,tearing every book from their shelf and piling them up in uneven stacks. They haphazardly balanced on the floor or were strewn across tables already struggling under the weight of yellowed scrolls and half open novels. There was barely any room for Levy’s small frame yet she found space to weave through with ease, leaving Lucy and Cana stuck by the doorway, too cautious to risk tumbling each stack into a bigger mess.

Cana sneezed as Levy tried to clear a path for them, sending dust billowing into their eyes.

“Sorry!” Levy said, scrunching her shoulders as she tiptoed around the many stacks that blocked the way, “I haven't ... actually reorganized yet.”

Cana's voice was a level monotone when she replied, ”That's obvious.“

”Hmph!“ Levy didn't bother replying, instead ushering the other two after her as she unearthed a couple of chairs for them to use before diving headfirst into the stack piled on the center table. It wobbled dangerously as Lucy rushed to balance it, heaving a sigh in relief when Levy pulled back with a bright smile, books still safely in position.

”Do you need help organizing this later?“ The celestial asked, imagining the hours it would take to make this place normal again. 

Levy's smile grew even larger, ”nope!“ She quipped, simultaneously rolling out an old scroll carefully. Its parchment was thick, yellowed with age and torn along the edges, but Levy handled it with the gentle care a mother would their own child.

“This,” She explained reverently, ”This is what I wanted to show you. It's a small myth about the Sun and Moon shared between a clan of fortune tellers.“

This raised not only Lucy's attention, but also Cana's, who’s attention was slowly starting to drift away. Her back straightened and she leaned in close, gluing herself to Lucy’s side to get a better look as she whistled lowly. ”My people huh? I always slept through those stories as a kid, let's hear it then!“

Lucy nodded furiously in agreement, curiosity piqued, but the words wouldn't rise past her ribcage. A sensation of heavy weight began to form in her lungs, robbing her breath as she considered the paper before her. ”A story similar to my clan’s?“

”Erm,“ Levy scrunched her nose and looked at the ceiling, considering her words, ”I think it references yours, actually.“

”What?“ All thoughts and tumultuous questions fell away leaving behind an expanse of empty echoes in Lucy's mind.

How was that possible? Lucy always believed it to be a closed myth. And for it to be shared with a non- celestial clan…. She tried to dig through her memories, but she knew her clan always kept their distance from others. So when…? She couldn't wrap her head around it, sitting stiff as a board with wide eyes. How many more versions of the story existed out there in the world?

The library around her shifted, darkness creeping in at the corners of her eyes and a quiet voice, one she hadn't heard since Kage attacked, whispered in the back of her mind.

'Listen... and learn the truth.'

The truth? Her brows narrowed, face scrunching at the thought. At Levy and Cana's puzzled stares, she realized she'd voiced the question outloud and flushed, feigning dust catching in her throat, she coughed and waved them away, “D-don't mind me, go ahead and read, Levy!”

Sharing a look between each other, Cana shrugged and Levy nodded, both deciding not to pry further. Instead, they settled into their chairs as Levy smoothed the edges of the paper and clicked her tongue.

”I'll try to read it as accurately as I can,“ She muttered, eyes whirling down the paper to eye a few spots in the story, ”It’s a different dialect, one that i’m not so brushed up on, and the writing is a bit smudged in places.“

”You didn't put protections on this one?“ Cana asked, arms crossed, ” tsk tsk Ms. Librarian, that's out of character for you.“

”It was like this when I got it. I protected what I could.“ Levy earnestly defended, shooting Cana a glare in a silent order for the other to shut her mouth. Lucy bit back a giggle as she watched the two of them, calming down now that their focus was no longer directed at her. 

”Anywho,” Levy waved her hands over the parchment bringing the attention back to the main topic. She cleared her throat a few times in preparation, “sorry if I don't tell it as dramatically as you do, Lucy: here goes!“

Levy began, eyes narrowed as she carefully translated the faded words; Words that felt all too familiar to Lucy and yet, completely new. They pulled her to the edge of her seat, lulling her to get lost in a story she thought she knew already:

-

Ages ago, when time first began and the world was new, the Sun and Moon crashed to the land below, shadows of their former selves and banished from the skies. The broken spirits roamed the lands, alone and uncertain what their new lives held. 

The moon, an adaptive creature, befriended the world in her travels. She met the trees, the animals, the open seas, and all grew to love her. She was only human, but her gentle light stayed within, calming those around her. In time, she met her own kind: other humans, who traveled the world and studied the writings of the stars. She found a home and stayed, ignoring the empty feeling in her heart that spoke of a piece she'd long-lost.

The sun, so bright and fiery, was not so lucky.

Know this, my listeners, for this is a tale you must learn, lest you allow the fate of the sun to fall upon you. Take heed to my words and know them for the warning they are.

For anger and pain is a dangerous beast and it darkens the hearts of anyone who suffers in its grip. The sun, lost in a world he didn't understand; His memories of his former life were stripped away, leaving behind the sharp, stabbing pain of loss that hollowed his heart daily. At the rising of the bright orb in the sky, he'd suffer again and again, and no matter the distance he traveled, a cure could not be found.

”This pain... is this the truth of this world?“ He asked himself, losing hope of ever being like the others he came across. His body, inhuman, was deformed and monstrous. The animals feared him, the seas and forests refused him the comforts they could provide and nothing could replace the memories he had lost.

In time, he forgot everything but the pain and he learned hate. His body held within it a flame that had clung to his soul even as it shattered, but that heat was now blackened in anger and desperation. Unable to hope, he filled himself with the promise to end his pain no matter the cost.

Even if that cost damages the world. As the earth began to grow and change, and humans learned of language and magic, he leveled the land with his pain everywhere he touched and everyone learned the meaning of fear...

It was during this time that the humans of the land-

-

”Geez, this makes Lucy's story more sad than it already was,“ Cana muttered, interrupting Levy mid sentence.

She glowered through her bangs, ”Excuse me, I’m trying to tell preserved history here. Are you going to let me finish this or not?“

”Fine, fine, I'll shut up, geez.“

Satisfied, Levy continued.

-

- the humans of the land began to fight back. This horrific beast of scales and fire was too dangerous to leave alive and they refused to fall victim to the horrors he spread. His anger was a blistering sight, but their will to survive formed like a twisting gnarled tree whose roots settled deep into the earth.

They met the sun with weapons and magic and the sun thrashed them about like ants. The wars waged were of desolation and massacres, staining his once pristine claws and scales a deep red. 

But the Sun persisted, for his broken soul found no solace, not even in destruction. Making the world feel his pain in vengeance did not soothe the ache in his bones, nor did it numb the pain the light above gave him. He was a broken, raw beast, still healing from wounds he'd long-forgotten and the world suffered for it.

And the Moon... she knew him from first glance, the empty void in her own heart screaming at the sight of her former beloved. His pain echoed in her ribcage and while she wanted nothing more than to settle his heart and return to the embrace of the soul she once adored, she could not allow her new family to fall. The humans were hers to keep and the Sun's mutual destruction had to end.

Her gentleness was a memory long lost and as her clan looked on, mystified by her fearless approach to this raging monster, the first kindling of hope sparked in their hearts. Her golden hair shone under the sunlight and the sun's eyes cleared at the sight of her.

This. This is what he was searching for. Was it not?  He reached a claw towards her and she reached for him, shedding tears as she begged him to calm.

'Please, no more, be at peace and leave these people.' 

He listened to her pleas and the attack in his heart came two-fold, one from his damaged soul, the other his drowning guilt.

'Is it you?' He asked, desperate for the answers he'd sought for decades, 'are you what I've been missing?'

Fate is a cruel thing. 

When the moon thought the destruction would end, believing her words would reach him, the pain of the sunset struck as the blows of mortal weapons pierced his scales from all sides. 

She had provided the perfect distraction and in her horror, the humans she had come to love, pressed upon her Sun with the same rage he'd given them, and his blood drenched the earth in a torrent of rivers.  

There was no hope. No solace for the Sun as his life was slowly stripped from him. His last thought as he stared upon the brilliance of the who he'd sought for so long, was one of bitterness, not relief.

After so long, his soul had met the other, and in his moment of weakness, she'd betrayed him. 

His final breath became a curse.

'May you meet the same end when next we see each other.'

A death rattle that jarred the bones of all swept the land and as mortals cheered, finally safe, the moon fell to the ground, crying the tears he would never see.

Love is blind, they say, but it's the other side of hate that’s unseen. It twists and reshapes the words and thoughts of those around you. And what once was something beautiful, can become twisted and full of horror.

Remember this, my listeners, before you let the hatred in your own hearts fester and burn. To know pain is to know life, but to drown within its depths is to spread the blood of the first dragon into the bowels of our souls, until nothing, but darkness remains.

-

Levy’s hushed voice barely registered in Lucy’s ears, the tale had swept her up, tangling her in its words and held her like a vice. Horror filled her throat, choking her from sound and breath.

This wasn't the tale she imagined from her favorite story. This was a fate that spoke only of tragedy, stripping away the hope of a happy ending. And yet, it still rang familiar, an echo of her nightmares that she struggled to make sense of. Nightmares that made her understand the moon’s desperate pleas and hopelessness as tears began to spill down her cheeks as she sat there unmoving.

“That was... '' Cana inhaled sharply, her own eyes red, “well it was something all right. Geez, my own clan…what a bunch of downers.” 

Gently rolling up the scroll, Levy gave no comment as she clamped it shut, setting it aside to the only clear spot on the table. “I honestly think there's even more, but I'll have to look for it, I think. That or I just saw them in passing and didn't get to bring them here, but it's amazing right? To find a completely different ending than what Lucy gave?“

”I wouldn’t use amazing for a story like that…“ Cana shifted, unable to sit still as a dreadful silence settled among them. But that silence broke to a sniffle that alarmed her and Levy both.

Lucy's shoulders shook as an uncontainable sadness flooded her, ”... all the moon wanted was to help... and she still lost him in the end. He died thinking she meant for it to happen... That's awful, isn't it?“

In a rush, Levy and Cana both shot from their seats to comfort her, the scroll left behind and forgotten. But no amount of assurances could calm her as the tears continued to fall in rivulets down Lucy's face. She mourned both the Sun and the Moon, and felt their pain as if it were her own.

Something had shifted in the air. A deep mourning that filled the empty spaces between persons and weaved its way through the trees. Those attuned to the magic of the world felt it blanket their senses like a slow moving front of clouds rolling through the sky, forcing tears to gather in the corners of their eyes.

It passed through the village, waking sleeping infants with desperate cries and making many pause in their chores for a moment. It wrapped around the alcove and dipped past the bluffs to bring a silence to the Magnolia Forest, sending the lively fauna for cover and stilled the trees that surrounded a lone warrior still out for blood.

Erza felt it change the taste in the air and frowned. Her hunt, while frustrating, had continued long after she'd lost Kage's tracks. His residual energy had become her beacon, following the weak remnants of it since the day before, but this new sorrow overcame what remained of Kage's aura and left the redhead feeling hollow.

She gulped down an inexplicable urge to sob, eyes watering for a second. Whatever intense emotions that had crossed the area, she couldn't attend them, not when she was so close.  She couldn’t afford to lose the weakening trail now Erza pushed onward through the thickets, sifting through the heavy air in search of her prey.

His disappearance, though odd, had led to many other strange occurrences. The bits of metal found in the wood and a taste of water and stars in the air. Magic was thick in the woods, with unfamiliar scents tumbling over one another vying for her attention to leap into action. In a way, her hunt for Kage was a lucky one, as it gave hint to something else brewing in the woods, long before the others would become aware.

A blessing in disguise perhaps, but something about the bits of magic Erza traced felt familiar. It haunted her in a way. Traces of memory from last year's travels weaved in and out of her mind and more than once, she thought of friends she'd made outside of the clan. Traders and information-gatherers alike. 

The thought that one of those possible friends having their auras mixed in the miasma she now felt was strange. It filled her with an apprehension that clung to her nerves and raised her awareness to new levels of paranoia. 

“I'll have to do another search,” She decided, muttering harshly under her breath, “after I bring that vile man back to the cells.”

If the particles of magic remained as they were, she even considered bringing along a travel partner: just in case. 

But if she was to do any of that, she'd have to break free of this purveying sadness that clung to every fabric of her clothes.

Just who or what was amplifying such an emotion? She almost felt as if the world was mocking her, attempting to block her from her quarry.

Erza Scarlet, however, was not a woman to be so easily duped. While disoriented for a few seconds, she reclaimed her aura trail quickly and continued her trek. The mixture of magic was growing stronger, and with her enhanced hearing, she easily caught the echoes of battle from hours ago. 

She was close; Too close to fail. And this time, she vowed, Kage would not escape her. His magic would be too weak now, and she was determined to use that to her full advantage.

With the sun on her back and the shadow of the trees covering her, Erza continued her advance, following the trail as it thickened in the air. The sounds of battle were slowly growing loud and - no, not battle, that was hours ago, then what was it?

A heavy crash echoed through the bushes and hills. This puzzling realization sped Erza's pace, anxiety rising as the magic and thuds were soon joined with the familiar smell of blood. 

She hated that metallic tang in the air. It brought a twist in her gut and her face paled, recollecting battles from the past that left her shaken and troubled. For her home, she would fight as it was a necessary evil, but the proof of battle never became easier. 

Was it Kage, bleeding out? No, if that were it, it would have happened already. She'd grown used to his tracks and injuries, what she sensed now was a different being altogether and the thudding through the trees thundered ever closer the further into the thickest part of the wood she went.

It took only a few more minutes of travel for her to realize that it wasn't just her advancing on the sounds, but the source of it was heading towards her as well. 

And it was coming down fast.

She had enough time to brandish her blade, eyes narrowed and body poised for attack when a man stumbled through the bushes, hair tousled, smeared with sweat and old blood, and a hand clasped tightly to his sternum.  Red seeped beneath his palm, telling her of a dangerous wound that stained his tunic and cloak.  He fell to his knees, panting for air as Erza hesitated her action. 

To attack a stranger who was already wounded...

But his hair, the fierce gleam of his eye and the red of a distinctive tattoo etched into the side of his face held her attention. Erza’s blade fell, but she still held it loosely in her grasp. She knew this man, but his appearance foretold of a danger she wasn't quite ready to face.

“... Jellal?” She asked, mystified by his appearance, “What are you doing here? We were supposed to meet when I -”

His cough interrupted her and a shaky hand rose in greeting as he struggled to his feet, “... discuss later, please.” He winced as he leaned against the nearest tree, catching his breath as he quickly tightened a sash over his wounds as a makeshift bandage. “I had hoped it would last long enough to find help, but I clearly overestimated my abilities. It's been a long time, Erza.”

Today was the day of many encounters, she gathered, as her next question was never allowed past her lips due to another, much larger man bursting through the same direction. His clothes were more torn, old from travel, with scraggly black hair twisting wildly down his back.  He was less damaged than the other and instinct made her recover her sword to hold it aloft, lips curled back in a snarl.

“Halt! What's your purpose here?” She demanded, angling herself quickly to stand between the man she knew and the other, who laughed at the sight.

“So YOU'RE the one the shadow twerp was so worried about, huh?“ The man smirked, fishing out a small roll of bandages from a pouch on his belt, ”if that dumbass had held still for five minutes he wouldn't be struggling like that. Use this before you start shit.”

”I thought we were in a rush,” he replied, cheeks flushed from more than his jaunt through the woods. He turned his gaze away from the others and sighed, “besides it's not serious.”

“... a wound like that...” Erza deadpanned, eyebrows raised when the feral looking man tossed her the bandages. Reflexively catching the roll, she kept her back to the edge of the woods, keeping an eye on the man as she moved to examine Jellal's wounds, “... isn't serious?”

“You're not going to believe me if you don't see it for yourself, are you?” Jellal asked with a tired, sardonic grin, “Very well. It's been almost a year after all, inspect as you wish.”

Her frown was deep set, but she made quick work of removing his makeshift coverings, eyes glued on the wound with an intensity she was known for. “I was on the trail of an escaped prisoner. Once I'm done here, I'll have to leave.”

The larger man scoffed, eyes rolling, “Tch, no ya' won’t.“ 

”Excuse me?“

“Handled it.”

Her shoulders sagged in relief, seeing her old friend had told the truth. While bloody, it was shallow, an injury that would heal in time without much issues. With that out of the way, Erza's attention shifted back to the other, gaze narrowed as she considered her options. This man... while traveling with someone she considered an ally... could she think the same of him?

His teeth were sharp, smile too full of them to feel safe, and his red eyes were filled with a bloodthirst she recognized in most enemies. No, despite the odd circumstances, she didn't want to trust him at all and didn't like the fact one of her information traders was traveling with him. None of it felt right. 

”And how did you handle it?“ She demanded, searching for any proof to trust the man.

Shifting to allow her space to work around his wound, Jellal grunted and spared a sour glance to his companion, ”Stop beating around the bush, Gajeel. I won't help you if she chooses to strike you for acting out.“

”Feh, spoilsport. Fine, see for yourself.” Hefting what appeared to be a sleeping roll off his back with more force than necessary, Erza was startled to realize a body was wrapped within it. A loud groan echoed as it struck the ground.

Right before her was Kage, unconscious but alive, and finally captured. 

“He was already fucked up when he found us,” Gajeel explained, glaring at Jellal with disappointment, “but he put up a rabid fit to hold us off and that moron chose to take the damage rather than risk killing him, so I had to do it instead.”

“He's not our target to kill,” Jellal argued, clearing his throat when Erza moved to examine the body, “... in all honesty, we were looking for your clan, Erza. I won't lie and say us running into this man didn't give us a bargaining chip. We want to enter your village, if you'll let us.”

“And what makes you think I'd allow that?” She asked, voice a harsh whisper, “you've given me no reason to distrust you, Jellal, but this man is an entirely different story.”

“Cause we've got what you want,” Gajeel answered, stepping on Kage's still form with little regard to his health, “Information.”

“So how about it?”

[mineonmain]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @telomeke ^u^ slay

Credit: this game was created by @thatgirl4815 as Thai BL Favorites Tag Game.

Favorite Thai QL: Bad Buddy was my first and probably till date my fav. What a way to start. Very few BLs overall have lived up to the unreal standard that this show set, and no matter what all has happened IRL since the airing of the show, this show has a place in my heart that nothing is going to ever replace. It's the show that revived my love and passion for TV shows after years. This show (ep 5 4/4 👀) changed my brain chemistry, without exaggeration. P'Aof i'm chewing on your furniture until you pay for my therapy. [Other favs are MLC, ATOTS, UWMA, Between Us, MSP]

Favorite Pairing: I guess i'll talk about actor pairings but onscreen, not how they are offscreen. EarthMix is absolutely one of my favs, they bring a maturity, natural-ness, and intensity to their acting that I've rarely found in other GMMTV pairings. I'm also gonna mention FourthGem because they're the GMM young blood and I think they've got an incredible amount of potential. We've already seen their range in MLC and MSP, and I think they're going to be huge. I have a huge soft spot for BounPrem (but I may be biased lol), and this may be a lukewarm take but I really enjoyed BillySeng, I thought they had some incredible onscreen chemistry.

Most underrated actor: Oh jeez where do I start. Gotta mention Fourth - he's not really underrated but he's just starting out, but I can already see he's got the chops and with the right training and right directors he's absolutely Going Placed. Shout out to Fluke Natouch, that boy does emotional scenes like no one else. Special shoutout to Tonnam - he's supposed to be starring in his first BL as a main character this year, idk if that's still on schedule or not, but every character he's ever played so far has been a hit in my book. His comedic timing is unparalleled for me, it never fails to hit.

Favorite Character: How do I choose!! Pat Napat is so dear to me??? As is Ae from LBC???? Tutor from Why R U???? Team from Between Us?? I've got so many different little blorbos it's impossible to choose. They're all pocket sized to me. Making me choose is a crime.

Favorite Side Character: Idk why but the first one that comes to mind is View from Between Us. He's absolutely Little Bro, but he's also so sweet and genuine and full of love??? He's annoying bc all little brothers are genetically coded to be annoying but he's impossible not to love. His smile is healing. You can't take him away from me.

Favorite scene in a QL: Bad Buddy Ep 5 4/4. This was the scene that actually broke me. The lead up to the scene, the subtle but deliberate choices that both the characters made. Pat gritting himself to go talk to Pran bc if there's one thing he doesn't do it's avoid people and situations. Pran resigning himself to the conversation bc he can't avoid it any longer. Pat finally saying exactly how he's been feeling less than a business day after he had the realisation himself, bc the moment he feels something and decides it he has to act on it. The music swelling in the background. Pran realising that he's been projecting his fears onto Pat this entire time, that Pat has always feel differently about him too. Pran asking the question to break it all, wording in one way where he was expecting one kind of answer, not expecting that it would be interpreted in an entirely different way and would rock the foundation of their already teetering relationship. Pran asking if they want to be friends, because the alternative would be to be enemies. Pat hearing 'do you want to be only friends', and realising that that would never be enough for the both of them. Pat seeing that Pran is scared, and realising that he has to have courage enough for the both of them. Pat taking the deepest and shakiest breath of his life, swallowing down his fear and trepidation, voice trembling saying 'no'. This is the scariest thing that Pat has ever had to do, but how he'd rather do this than lose Pran again. Them both taking a step towards each other, because this is a decision not of one but of equals, mutual as they have always been. Pat treating this like his first kiss, like a relief of finally knowing the answer to a question that has long plagued him, like the start of something, going into it with utter joy and coming out of it with complete bliss, because the world finally makes sense. Pran treating this like his last kiss, like the end of everything they had ever been or ever could be, like he was going to milk this for everything it was worth because he was never going to get a chance to do this ever again, going into it with fear and desperation, and coming out of it with heartache and resignation, because they had lost everything they had and couldn't get it back. Pat crying tears of joy because he finally found what he was looking for, and Pran crying tears of pain because he got to experience for the first and last time what he would never be allowed to have but had longed for all of his life. Yeah I'm so normal about this show.

Favorite line in a QL: I mean. I literally said it all above, but yeah. 'If we're not enemies, could we be friends?' 'Do you want to be friends?' 'No.'

Most Anticipated QL (& why): I don't honestly know?? But I do wanna see the Thai remake of Cherry Magic, I'm interested in seeing how they're gonna treat it differently from the source show, esp since Thai shows have a tendency to bit more high heat and the original show was all about the tenderness of falling for someone because of their goodness.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: oooh i gotta go for TinnGun from MSP, they're just so lovable. Yes it's a highschool relationship but it was presented so sweetly without coming across as childish, and my boy Tinn is the ultimate green flag. Also even tho I'm not personally a SaifahZon fan (they're not my cup of tea) I think they're incredibly healthy.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: TharnType (i'm mostly looking at you Tharn), most of the KP pairings (the T in Theerapanyakuls stands for needs Therapy), early RainPhayu (i'm sorry but pigtail-pulling on the playground to show you like someone is very kindergarten behavior Phayu), LianKuea (go ahead girlbosses who gaslight and gatekeep).

Guilty pleasure series: I honestly don't know if anything I like counts as a guilty pleasure. Maybe SCOY?? Because I know there's a lot of people who don't like it and find it cringe but I think they're all kind of missing the point. I could write a mini-essay about this show too but i'll save that for another day.

Most underrated series: Ingredients (Baby Jeff!!), My Only 12% (It absolutely deserved more love and hype).

Tagging: @antisocial-burrito @liyazaki @webetterlove @bisexualhedgehog @shortpplfedup @whatisgodtoanonbeliever @onstoryladders @respectthepetty @heesulovebot @gunsatthaphan @incandescentflower @rythyme @elevatormusic @vegaspetesupremicy

[negrowhat]

Hey Eboni!! I hope you're well. I was searching for a new BL to watch and I came across some of my faves from when I first got into them and it got me wanting to hear your thoughts on quite a few things. I'm just going to bother you with the top one though. What are some of the steamiest 🌶️🌶️🌶️ BLs that you've watched? Maybe top 6? It could be older or a newer release.

HELLO! You can always drop by with BL questions lol! Steamy BLs are quite a new thing these days, more and more series are incorporating more sex-positive themes into their series which can be a good and bad thing. We love some spice but sometimes that spice turns into 'How nasty can we make this before people start to complain?' Anyways here are some of my fave spicy BLs. Top 6 you say? Easy!

TharnType 1 and 2. I mean...people are allowed their opinion of the actual plot of the show, there are no wrong interpretations for that. Tharn and Type were both toxic and there was hella questionable content mixed in with romance and a splash of comedy. But I think we can all agree that Tharn and Type were pioneers in the Spicy Thai BL category. Half of the series was them banging and boy did they BANG and they did it well. I recently did a rewatch of TT2 and the amount of times Tharn was lifting Type's big 6 ft solid ass up onto a hard surface to ravage him was very many.

Why R U? the Series. Ok so COVID pretty much ruined all the couples on that show except FighterTutor, but what COVID did not ruin was the spicy bits of the series. The sexual tension between Fighter and Tutor was very high and it was showcased on the series very, very frequently. The way that one d!ck grabbing/makeout scene lived rent free in my mind for a very, very long time??? Not to mention there was some powerful vers energy between them and that made for some excellent spicy scenes.

Secret Crush on You. Nuea and Toh were all over each other; kissing, teasing, touching, and banging. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that Nuea did not care where they were, discretion was not a thing. The two of them were very sex positive and explored a lot of k!nks together. Consent was a constant thing featured in their conversations (and the overall series). Also kudos to them for talking about exploring being vers in one ep and following up with it in another ep.

Love in the Air. Horny BITCHES! And I mean PayuRain. The clear D/s relationship they had was *chef's kiss*. Their spicy scenes were top tier because it directly reflected the type of dynamic they had. Payu was introducing Rain to the wild side and Rain was an A+ overachieving student eager to push the limits and find out if he would be rewarded or punished...either way was good for him. I could go on and on and on about them. SkyPai definitely had some epic spicy scenes too but there were layers to their sexual relationship.

KinnPorsche the Series. Duh. My gawd. Their spicy scenes were top tier. All of them. It was clear that a lot of writing and thought went into the love scenes in this series. None of them felt cheap. Smut with emotions was very much what was happening in that series. The scenes were jaw dropping but also carried weight which made them more memorable to the masses.

Big Dragon the Series. That series was a bit of a mess but one thing they had a firm understanding of was SPICE! Mangkorn and Yai had that love/hate/fuck thing down real good! Yai also seemed to have a bit of a dom/bondage k!nk that I personally think was not explored enough...maybe in s2.

Honorable mentions to: War of Y, Y-Destiny (KaengPuth), We Best Love: Fighting Mr. 2nd, and the HIStory series.

[hephaestuscrew]

Audio Drama Sunday 24/11/2023

Here's the new stuff I've listened to in the past week and a bit:

🏠 Unwell Ep3.01-3.07 - I really liked the first couple of seasons of Unwell, and I don't know why my listening fell off midway through Season 3 in 2021. (Honestly it might have partly been that some of the dementia stuff hit too hard. Ep3.05 was A Lot in a masterful way...) But I thought I'd resume it from the beginning of Season 3, and it's been really nice to return to these characters and this world, even if I can't remember all of the context. I'm tutting at Hazel, a librarian actively withholding and distorting information. I'm shaking my head at what Rudy's gotten himself into. I'm very emotional about Wes - the first episode of this season was really moving. And I'm excited to see where things are headed!

🚀 Travelling Light, Ep1-3 - Like Monstrous Agonies, this show has such a lovely reassuring vibe. I'm in awe of H. R. Owen finishing one show and almost immediately releasing another weekly show nearly single-handedly. It reminds me a bit of the Wayfarers series by Becky Chambers, because of the exploration of the diversity of cultures across different planets and species, and the way these differences are celebrated. I've also noticed that so far the cultures described tend to be more local and specific than 'every alien of this species has this tradition' - instead it's usually about the people who come from a certain city or region on a planet. Which helps avoid some troubling attitudes that sci-fi which contrasts different species can imply. My favourite archive entry from these episodes so far was the drinking song. It felt convincing as that kind of song and was fun to hear.

🌊 The Silt Verses, Chapter 36 - This was one of those episodes that made me stop in my tracks in the street as I listened. I cared so much about the two characters who were only introduced this episode, and the ending sent shivers up my spine. I often hate listening to flirting but the flirting via memory games was unusual, sweet, and compelling in a way that made me smile in spite of the Horrors around them. Also I think Carpenter should be a bitch about unimportant things like music trivia more often. I loved her and Hayward bickering. She should get to care about things that aren't gods or rituals or matters of life and death.

🚇☕ Greater Boston / The Amelia Project, Live Crossover Episode - This was an excellently done crossover in terms of blending elements of both shows in a way that I think would work for someone who was only a fan of one or the other. I was pleased to hear Felix Trench's absurd portrayal of Mark Walhberg again, but my favourite parts were Chuck Octagon attempting to sum up the events of Greater Boston (and the Interviewer's reaction to this) and the Narrator narrating the Interviewer's response to his offer with his own exaggerated impression.

[atla-confessions]

"Aang stans hate the guru? I guess that would make sense because the guru presented a reasonable line of thought that contradicted Aang’s preconceived desires which is the cardinal sin according to Aang stans"

Reasonable!? REASONABLE!? I HAVE FAR MORE REASONABLE COMPLAINTS WITH AANG'S BEHAVIOR, THE BOY IS A LITTLE ARROGANT LIAR (I say lovingly), THE GURU IS JUST SHIT AND DOESNT KNOW WTF HES TALKING ABOUT, WHAT PART OF "dont be sad, you have a crush" and "dont be scared, your life isnt in active danger at this very second" and "just let go of attachments, no dont ask me what that means, just let it go" and "you can only achieve control over the avatar state by doing something air nomad avatars are literally not allowed to do bc theyre avatars" is REASONABLE

IN WHAT WORLD WAS THAT MAN REASONABLE????? NOTHING HE SAID MADE FUCKING SENSE?????? I HATE HIM SO MUCH THATS NOT HOW TRAUMA AND WORKING THROUGH YOUR EMOTIONS W O R K S

My hatred for the Guru has nothing to do with him defying Aang and everything to do with the fact that he's the epitome of mental health advice you Don't Fucking Listen To.

(btw, I am being exaggerated here, and any played up anger I'm showing isn't at op, it's at the guru. In all reality, fully respect that everyone has their own opinion, and I do understand, tho disagree, with where op is coming from. I'm just taking the chance to take more shots at the guru lmao, I will forever trash talk that man)

X

[scribe-of-maat]

Iron Widow & Zachary Ying

I read both back to back.

Xiran Jay Zhao is my new favorite author.

They’re, so so real.

On Iron Widow:

It’s not hard for me to put into words how much I knew I was going to like Iron Widow early on into it. I’m not exaggerating when I said I’ve never read something like it, and I doubt I ever will again. The moment I knew this was going to be good was when the protagonist was revealed to be disabled.

I didn’t know anything about Wu Zetian or that era of Chinese history before going into this (I didn’t realize they hadn’t made those names up until I read Zachary Ying, for instance) but the world they build is so interesting and it’s obvious they’re pulling from real injustices.

But they don’t gloss over the EMOTION that comes with being a minority trapped in an unjust system. My favorite thing about Wu Zetian is the implacable rage she feels at the patriarchal monsters lording their power over her. She hates the system that took away Ruyi, her older sister, and she hates the men profiting in that system at the expense of any girl unlucky enough to be born into it.

To not belabor the point, I wish I could read that climactic scene where the Sages try to use her family against her for the first time again. Her parents capacity familial love being what ultimately dooms them, since it proves they could always have chosen to be better, and never did. It’s an odd feeling to cheer as the protagonist murders their family, but good god you love to see it.

She kills seven named characters over the course of the book - Yang Guang, An Lushan, Ma Xiuying and her husband, and her parents and brother - and I’ve never felt so satisfied. I’ve never read a woman exacting sweet, sweet vengeance and on her oppressors and coming out both alive and more heroic for having done so (in the eyes of the reader).

I knew going in that the love triangle ends in a poly relationship. This was also extremely avant-garde, especially for a YA novel. I realized I didn’t know if they were all in a relationship with each other at the same time or if they had separate but just as intense 1-on-1 relationships with each other, but either way, more power to ‘em.

The power system was also very interesting, especially with how they tie into the explorations of gender. It wasn’t lost on me that Zetian’s most dominant qi was Metal, the one seated at the dead center of the yin-yang spectrum, after she’d talked about not really feeling female or male. Fun fact, when it was revealed Li Shimin had feminine products in his bunker and wasn’t the rapist Zetian thought he was, I thought it was going to be revealed he was actually a woman, to further tie into the gender themes. 

But Xiran excellently captures the feeling of being a space and being so angry about the fact that everyone around you has an undeserved power over you, systematically stolen and enforced on pain of death. I’m the opposite of a tiny East Asian woman but I absolutely understood wanting to tear that down and end anyone profiting off it.

On Zachary Ying:

I though I would like Iron Widow much more, but this ended being about as enjoyable, and is what solidified the fact that Xiran is a YA writer who will absolutely wear her progressive politics on her sleeve much more openly than your white fave (R*** R******).

Her tale of female empowerment isn’t written for the Male Gaze and her tale of the hero’s journey isn’t written for the White Gaze. Zachary Ying is a gay Hui-Chinese Muslim and absolutely the ONLY YA hero of his kind. I’d go on to say he’s the only protagonist of his kind in literally any kind of media without researching that one bit.

The early parts of the books go to great pains to establish that the Chinese government and its people are separate entities, that yeah, there’s injustice there but it’s not like it’s any different anywhere else. When Qin Shi Huang specifically calls out how American heroes like George Washington were enslavers, this had my total buy-in.

Okay, well, that’s not really true. But it just became more total. I’ve never experienced it, but I know from online reading that a lot of immigrant children to the US who are subjected to the perpetual foreigner stereotype get made fun of for their food, and when the book opens with him experiencing this (and Xiran making it obvious he has a crush on his male bully) THAT’S where I was bought-in.

I think what I enjoyed most about this was the explanations of all the Chinese culture, like Di Renjie being Chinese Sherlock Holmes or the lengthy conversation about how Chinese dynasties like the Tang were incredibly diverse. The first hint of Qin Shi Huang not being above his ultimate sacrifice is that he saw himself in Zachary, chose someone like him who a lot people, definitely not just Chinese, wouldn’t.

It feels like a YA novel that takes place in the 2020s as well, written by someone who actually knows what it’s like to be a young person. Zack references a ton of contemporary media and multiple times talks about his powers as waterbending. The game he plays is pretty much Pokemon GO, to boot.

But like I said earlier, it ain’t written for the White Gaze. Just like in Iron Widow, there are extended scenes of characters espousing super duper left leaning ideologies and it dawned on me that I’d never seen politics I agreed with being stated so plainly in a fantasy series.

Oh sure, Rick’ll do things like have TJ and Mallory get into it over he killing thralls, but Magnus walks away before anything concrete has to be stated. Six of The Seven round on Jason for Roman demigods fighting for the Confederacy in the American Civil War, but Percy and Annabeth are never given any guff whatsoever about Greek demigods who did the same. Carter has like one instance of kind of alluding to the fact that police are racist but he sweeps past it.

Because those books are ultimately beholden to the White Gaze. They can’t be anything else, by virtue of being written by a white guy who’ll always, on some level, prioritize his comfort and the comfort of the audience he knows he has to court.  

But not here. They call out a bunch of Yellow Peril nonsense in the book and contrast it with how horrible Western rulers like Nero are remarked upon in detached reverence while Qin Shi Huang is demonized. Zack gets to see that Muslims, at least in the East of China, aren’t being slaughtered wholesale or anything. 

If you haven’t already, you seriously need to read these masterpieces. I love these books.

[theredwallrecorder]

outcast: opening thoughts

i think i may have mentioned in tags or briefly in other posts that outcast of redwall is very special to me. i am unceasingly grateful to mister jacques for writing this book, not only because it is a vital fictional case study in family dynamics, child behavior, and the influence of environment on human development, but because of mister jacques’ fundamentally honest approach to narrative.

if there is anything you can be convinced of in regards to all of redwall, it is that you can always trust that mister jacques will never attempt to sell you a “falsehood” in order to bring his story in the direction he intends. what do i mean by “falsehood”? for the sake of avoiding spoilers from a show i in full transparency have actually never seen (game of thrones), i would instead like to use an example from a similar recent adaptation of the works of one of mister jacques’ contemporaries: amazon’s rings of power.

again, to be fully transparent, i abhor rings of power, and not for its misguided multi-ethnic pandering that at times borders on insensitivity. in robust confidence and unfailing ego a pair of men undertook the writing of this show, and the shallowness of the narrative they have birthed betrays their lack of experience and their emotional immaturity. rings of power alone is the biggest reason i am low-key relieved that netflix’s planned redwall movie and tv show have effectively been shelved for the time being. i cannot quantify the amount of grief that would fall over me if we were given a version of mister jacques’ world that had been mindlessly adapted in such a way as to make it a brutal mockery of mossflower. far more eloquent critics and devout middle earth scholars have broken down the aspects of amazon’s rings of power that have fallen far short of tolkien’s vision, and i encourage you to peruse their think pieces, but i will simplify my point by picking out the treatment of the character of galadriel. the narrative rings of power attempts to sell you is based entirely on an interpretation of galadriel that has nothing to do with the infinitely wise, long-suffering figure of galadriel that tolkien wrote. tolkien’s galadriel is soft and powerful, containing the narrative depth of living through thousands upon thousands of years of the cultural height and decline of middle earth, and every word she speaks is laden with conscious discernment and meaning. true, galadriel at the time of rings of power is much younger than the galadriel tolkien presents in the lord of the rings, but it is canon that she had already been married and had had a daughter by the time rings of power is meant to take place. in comparison, the galadriel of rings of power is a petulant, rude, self-serving, overbearing child, carrying none of the life experience of the equivalent canon galadriel of this time. i believe the choice of the show’s writers to remove completely galadriel’s life partner celeborn and her daughter celebrían speaks volumes about their true intentions in regards to galadriel’s character within the narrative of rings of power. 

to fashion their narrative into the shape they desired, the writers of rings of power eschewed canon and distorted the character of galadriel. i am sure you can easily think of other stories where character psychology was sacrificed on the altar of The Ending Or The Twist The Writers Wanted. to the best of your memory, your readings of outcast may have come across in a similar way--mister jacques mangled the characters of bryony, abbess meriam, bella, and even veil to, perhaps, smooth over the bitter sting of the abbeybeasts’ treatment of veil. i will be the first to admit that veil’s foul behavior is exaggerated almost to the point of comedy, as is the nature of stories intended for children, but mister jacques was never in the business of pursuing extremes in order to make a point. adolescent drama is as tumultuous as the myriad changes of puberty, and jacques has gone on the record stating that he writes from what he has observed. the naked fear or disgust brought on by a reading of outcast of redwall is based in the fact the characters are true: true to themselves, true to each other, and true to the beliefs under which they were raised. it is sobering to discover that a children’s book can prompt one to grapple with the reality that cruelty, albeit wholly unintended, can come from goodness.